#i suckat writimg man

[gungoo4lifer]

Act as if this is a cool title, im lazy.

There were times where Kenta couldn't fall asleep. And at times like that, he would lie down his body on the bed with a cigaratte between his lips, thinking of his past, thinking of that time. Thinking of him.

Park JongGun. Park.. fucking JongGun..

Aka his ex idol.

As a kid, he always dreamed of becoming someone with utter strength and intimidation, just like him. He always dreamed of becoming someone so cold and cool like him. He liked every single thing about Gun, Kenta felt awe of him.. He even copied the way Gun dressed, just to be more similiar like him.

..Yet, his old, innocent self could've never thought that a day where his own eyes would force him to see a violent, bloody sight among Gun in it. His fucking idol. The man he referred as his big brother. The man he wanted to be.

Just.. thinking of that scene, that bloody sight where his father and his whole other clan gave his life away was enough for his fury increase and several tears drop from his eyes whenever he thought of it, despite all the passed years. His dreams of Gun became a nightmare.

One day. Just, one damn day.. he will get his revenge. He will kill that man with his bare fucking hands. He will show him what kind of monster he've become. He will.. 

He had a dready childhood indeed. He suffered with lots of disorders including depression, anxiety, trust issues, insomia and several other disorder that he can't even remember the names of.

And then out of nowhere, you appeared.

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The pathetic sobs and whines fills the dark alley as Kenta leans his back on the cold wall while he sits on the ground, hugging his own legs and wishing that it was his father instead.

Suddenly, a voice grazes his ears, which he decides to ignore. "Hey!" 

The voice repeats himself, "Hey!" And Kenta ignores it, once again, also ignoring the fact that the voice was getting closer to his crying body now. He wasn't even sure if the voice was shouting out for him or not. When suddenly- ''Oi! You think i'm a joke?!''

There you stand, holding a wooden stick shaped like a sword in your hand, Kenta finally manages to look up to you with his teary eyes but the frown still keeps there, glaring at you menacingly. ''Why the hell are you ignoring me?! Cant you see this katana in my hand?!'' You threat him, crouching down in front of him and slightly tilting your head, observing him and trying to understand what the hell was wrong with him.

Yeah. You got a pretty cute little katana, don't you. Too bad that Kenta has seen real katanas in his life. Katanas that aren't made out of woods, sharp katanas that made to kill people, and, well, katanas that.. cut of his finger and caused this huge scar running through his head.

Kenta stays silent, moving off his gaze from you to his toes to avoid eye contact, he didn't want you to see the tears in his eyes. Looking weak to someone was the last thing he wanted at the moment.

..However, it seems you weren't the type of guy to give up easily. ''..Is everything okay, no eyebrow guy?'' Judging from the huge scar on his head and his pinkies, which had been cutted off, he indeed does not looks okay, but you still try to help.

''Just go away.'' Is all Kenta could manage to get out of his mouth, now glaring at you once again, no tears in his eyes anymore, his eyes only showed pure fury as you can't help but feel a shiver down your spine.

''And, what if i say no? Did- did some kids bully you? i can beat them up for a good price if you desire. Was it one of your family member? I can't beat them if they are too older than me though.''

Ugh, for fucks sake.. you talk too much. Too damn much. No, it wasn't some damn brat who caused him to end up in a situation like this, nor one of his family member. It was a..

''A YAKUZA! gasp! IT WAS A YAKUZA, WASN'T IT?! Damn it!! Japan is really becoming a cruel place! A YAKUZA DID THIS TO YOU, DIDN'T THEY?!'' You shout to Kenta, who was now no longer hugging his legs, sitting with his legs crossed as you glanced at him with both of your eyebrows raised, your eyes wider than ever before. ''It's okay, no eyebrow guy. See this katana? As you can see, i, Y/N L/N am also a yakuza.'' An obvious lie escapes your mouth. ''I took lives of so many yakuzas that i stopped counting after.... after i hit 2000.'' You rise your chest and smile confidently. ''Just tell me their name and i'll bring their head to you. Or their balls. Alright? so.. just- cheer up already.''

You can't be a yakuza. He doubts that you even know how to fight. Damn you probably don't even know what a yakuza is. ''..and, what will you get from it?''

''..Money?''

''I don't have any.''

''Weapons?''

''...''

''Deserts?''

''...''

''Well, any kind of toys?''

''...''

''Damn it! what else is there?! ..'' You left out a sigh, as if you're a 27 year old bussiness man who was struggling with his work, when you were just 12 years old. ''Alright, you weak crybaby. I will do this for.. uh, for nothing at all, oka-'' 

A punch aimed right into your face was enough to interrupt your speech, ''WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?'' 

''Dont you dare call me weak.'' He utters, his fists clenched in both rage and annoyance, which received a frown and pout from you.

''You bitch head! I just offered you help and look what you're doing! You think i don't know how to fight?! Huh?! HUH?!'' You get into a fighting position with your clenched fists in front of your chest.

...Long story short, you tried to aim a punch at him, and, well, you seemed to be unexpectedly shocked at the sight of you ending up on the ground instead of him. God damnit.. your chest really hurt. ''Auch.. t-th- the floor is.. so slippy here.. ha..hahaha..'' You chuckle nervously as you try to get up, but a slight chuckle coming from Kenta stops you midway. 

..He chuckled? Even in the slightest, he really managed to chuckle.. not forced, nor fake. The chuckle may not be so loud, but it was enough to feel you proud of yourself, while Kenta was completely confused.. It was the first time he chuckled in these last 2 weeks since that terrible day. Considering that he used to be a kid who laughed and giggled a lot, not laughing in the slightest for 2 whole weeks was not expected for a child like him.

''H-hey! The fuck you laughing at, ya little bitch?!'' 

Here you go again, trying to sound utterly mature and intidaming.. Kenta turns his back and prepares to leave, trying to ignore your annoying presence. ''Hey! You can't just leave like that! we are friends now.'' 

''..Friends? And who says that?'' Kenta glares at you, only turning his head back to look at you.

''Right, friends! If you talk with someone you just met for 7 minutes, you become friends.. but if you talk to someone you just met for more than 7 minutes, you become lovers.'' You explain with pure confidence, which Kenta replies with one eyebrow raised, clearly judging you and your stupidity.

''..And where did you learn that bullshit from?''

''A fairy in my dream told me.''

Yeah, you were definetely nothing like a yakuza.

..Yet, you still somehow managed to be friends with Kenta, spending lots of times together, chatting with each other, Kenta teaching you several kyokushin karate moves.. In fact, you two became inseparable.

Until that day.

Its been like a year since the first day you saw Kenta crying alone in that alley, your bond with him was really strong and you two didn't seem to have any problems with each other. However, for the last few weeks, you started avoiding him for some odd reason he unfortunately wasn't aware of.

''Y/N, wanna have a walk?''

''Y/N, want me to treat you a desert?

''Y/N, wanna watch anime together?''

You always answered these questions with a simple 'no', or you were suddenly feeling sick out of nowhere, you always had an excuse. He started to feel anxious to the sudden change in your behavior, thats why both of you were now sitting on grasses, you obviously avoiding his gaze as his gaze pierced into your soul.

''Y/N.'' He starts, ''Did i do something wrong?''

You stay silent, still observing the light green grasses under you, being silent was not suiting for a person like you, and he wasn't used to seeing you silent like this either.

''..Y/N.'' He tries once again, hoping to get an answer from you this time.

''Y..yes, damn it! Yes you did!''

You finally gather all your pride and glare at him, a cherry red tint spreading across both of your cheeks as he slightly raises his eyebrows in confusement. ''I did? But- what did i do though? Why didn't you tell me about it earlier?''

''Because i dont know the reason either!''

You were really starting to confuse him. ''What do you mean by that?''

''I hate you! I dont know why, i dont know how, i dont know when, i just, hate you! I dont like you anymore!'' You finally shout out the words out loud, gripping the grasses tigther, Kenta looks even more anxious now, were you playing another trick on him? was this just a silly joke?

''Y-Y/N, what are you trying to imply? I apologize if i did something to hurt or upset y-''

''Whenever i see you and your, ugliest pretty face, my stomach hurts, damn it! It must mean that i hate you, wouldn't it?! I asked my mother about it but, she just laughed! What did you do to me, huh?! Did you curse me?!'' 

Oh. Now he gets it.

''..What kind of hurt, Y/N?''

'' 'What kind of hurt' ? Seriously?! I have no idea! It hurts, but, it, it hurts whenever im with you, but it hurts even more whenever im not with you! It feels as if, something is eating me from my inside! It feels weird, it feels good but it hurts at the same time!''

''..It feels good?.. .. Well.. my chest also hurts whenever im with you too.''

''So you also hate me??''

''No. I love you.'' He coos, making sure it was loud enough for you to hear it, avoiding your gaze as he tried his best to hide his now blushing cheeks.

Your eyes widens in shock, feeling the heat on your cheeks, you slightly tilt your head ''WHAT?! you LOVE me?? not as friends ?? like, love love? ''

''When you love someone, your chest hurts and.. and you feel excited..'' He confesses, his fists clenching. 

''And where did you learn this bullshit from?!'' 

''A fairy in my dream told me.''

Huh?

''NOW I GET IT! DAMN YOU, KENTA MAGAMI! YOU TALKED TO ME MORE THAN 7 MINUTES WHEN WE FIRST MET, DIDN'T YOU?! HUH?! THAT'S WHY YOU HAUNTED ME WITH THIS, STUPID LOVE THING DIDN'T YOU?!'' You get up, teeths clenched, glaring down at him. ''WELL, LOVE MAKES PEOPLE WEAK! YOU HEAR ME?! IF IM WEAK THEN I CAN'T PROTECT Y- I MEAN THEN I CAN'T PROTECT MYSELF!'' You shout some nonsense, whatever came to your mind at that moment, then you burst out of there while Kenta sat there, a slight smile spreading across his lips.

He knew that he'd see you in front of his house the next day, crumpled flowers on both of your hands, probably asked your older relatives and got advince from them.

And he was right about that.

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''Smoking without me?'' You snuggle up to him on bed, getting Kenta back to reality as you grab the cigaratte between his lips and put it on your lips, inhaling the last smoke, then setting down the cigaratte and extinguishing it on the ash tray which was on the table near the bed. ''You were suppossed to be asleep right now, Kentaaa.'' You whine, rubbing your head on his chest like a damn kitten. ''I know.'' 

''Then why are you still up, hm? Still thinking about that bastard? I told you that i would cut off his balls one day, just be patient, mkay? Besides, i should be the man who you're thinking about at nights! Not him!''

''You're right, i was. But it was mostly about you, though.'' He lets out a small chuckle as you slightly back away from him and then pull him into a snuggle, his head resting on your muscular chest.

''Well, i'm here. So stop thinking and just go to sleep then.'' 

''Right..''

Now to think about it..

You didn't hesitate for a single second when he offered you to come to Korea and join workers with him, which was the gang you were siding with right now. You couldn't give two shits about the other fuckers, that mitsuki girl, that sinu guy, that blonde guy whos name you forgot the first time you guys met -you refer to him as mitsuki's dog whenever you can't remember his name, and everyone seems to understand who you were talking about.- and that other guy whos name, uh.. well you forgot that too.. The reason why you came here was Kenta and the reason why you're staying here is also Kenta. Nothing else.

Lastly.. as a kid, you always knew how to fight. Your mother was a kyokushin karate teacher, so you knew several kyokushin karate moves, in fact, you were pretty good at it. Yet, on that day, the day where you first met Kenta, you pretended as if you had no idea how to fight, or how to throw a punch properly, just so you could make him laugh at the slightest.

You're strong. Even stronger than him, and you know it. But he doesn't, and he doesn't has to, you don't want to make him feel week.

You can keep this little secret to yourself.