#i still look back on it and see how much of a horrible roleplayer i was LOLL | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rpbetter · 3 years

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Urgh. Okay, full disclosure, I haven't been on tumblr much over the last week or so, because I was one of the people that Raven initially called out after the COAR mess, and it was in the interest of my own mental health to fuck off for a while so I didn't stress myself out into oblivion. So I'm scrolling through most of this stuff for the first time, and talking to other people who were targeted. And pardon my French here, but I'm fucking disgusted at the lengths Raven has gone to assert themselves as a victim, how many people they've affected, and the waving around of something as serious as suicide for brownie points.

I have sympathy for people who overinterpret things in a strictly emotional and mental sense (actual reactions aside) because they lack the maturity. There's always a reason for that, and it's not their fault. And I have sympathy for people if they legitimately feel suicidal. That, too, isn't their fault. If I hadn't been blocked, I would've reported Raven in case their claims were true as well, because yeah, I don't mess around with that stuff either. But what's unacceptable is how Raven acted on those sentiments and behaved towards others, even after people tried to provide perspective. How Raven claimed to be done with the drama, but continued inciting it; how they claimed to be suicidal and had left tumblr, but wrote what amounts to a "fuck you" in their header and were still putzing around on their blog, and were apparently still editing their posts until as late as today; how they claimed to have deleted but only changed the url; how they weaponized all of this stuff and used it as a tool for guilt-tripping. Like, come on. It's okay if you're down in the dumps, but it's not okay to treat innocent people like garbage, and carpet bomb half the RPC. To me, it really feels like there was an intent to weaponize all of their hurt, offense, anger, and suicidal ideations, despite the possibility it did come from somewhere genuine, and that's so harmful to anyone who is actually struggling with depression.

Every time someone weaponizes mental illness in this way, it just makes people more and more apathetic the next time someone is genuinely just hurting, and saying they feel like they're at the end of their rope. And it makes people suspicious of whether those words are being used maliciously, or legitimately. That suspicion and that association is now there, unconscious or not. And every time this kind of stuff happens, the association gets stronger. What happens if Raven does this again? Some people will still report, but some people might just scoff and walk away - people who might've actually acted before. So in a way, that kind of behaviour impacts Raven as much as it impacts other people.

And you know what? They're not the only one dealing with serious shit. I've been suffering from MDD for the last fifteen years, and I've been in the process of changing medications and having little success for months. I've been going through hell offline. I have a shit list of people I want to yell at because they're dragging their feet on really important things I need to function; I'm constantly running a deficit on spoons. Until a week or so ago, roleplay was one of the only ways I could unwind. So for Raven to bully me by sticking that stupid post in my tags, because they needed to make a scene on COAR, which I was obviously going to comment on (like many other people), then to "like" an unsubstantiated callout about me and other innocent people related to that mess, it's only worsened my own mental health. It sounds melodramatic, but really. Someone else mentioned this too, but the fear of being in another callout, and the fear of that first callout somehow exploding, was in the back of my mind all week, despite being away from tumblr. So that was a little anxiety-inducing, much as I tried not to think about it.

And I'm debating whether to return now, or take more time off, and I have no idea what to do. Because that callout post is still in my blog's tag. I'm freaking out because I was planning on approaching some people to roleplay, which is something I rarely ever do, but now I'm concerned that I'll contact someone, they'll look at my tag to get an idea of my writing/partners/who I am, and see the callout post, and immediately dismiss me because even seeing the word "callout" on its own will send up red flags, by unconscious association with more impactful drama. And as long as that callout is up, these fears are going to be there.

That's just not fair.

And Raven's "apology" is completely unacceptable. Like you and others said, it doesn't reach anyone who needs to hear it, because they've all been blocked. I would fucking love an apology if it came from a place of honesty, but am I going to receive one? Probably not. And even for the followers who can still see that apology, it doesn't address anything. It isn't directed to anyone in particular. It doesn't mention the specific behaviours that were wrong on their part. And miss me with the "my intentions were good" part. No, they weren't; going around blocks and sticking shit in peoples' tags is vindictive and entirely intentional in all the worst ways, and shame on them for pretending otherwise, and by leading with such a poor example for many roleplayers, some of whom are in their teens. One of the people who tried to message Raven (they, too, were called out on Raven's blog) was speaking to a nineteen-year old who was completely clueless about the extent of the manipulation Raven was pulling. They thought all of it was normal and acceptable behaviour. That genuinely terrifies me. And while I imagine if Raven was genuinely apologetic, they would've gone to the callout blog and ask them to delete the callout post (attempt it, at the very least), somehow, I don't think that would've happened given all of their prior actions. God forbid something else is going on there.

Phew. Yeah, I'm angry. Maybe I'm just biased and tired. But honestly, I have a right to be. Raven's apology is a handwave, and they know it. It's a slap in the face to me, to you, and to everyone else who was involved in this clusterfuck. They're not the center of the universe. They affected real people, with real problems of their own. Anyways, I am so sorry for this, argh. Really had to get this out, and I didn't want to dump it on discord or somewhere else; I sure as heck didn't want to go to COAR with it. But hey, maybe people here will feel less alone if I added my own account to the mix. The more, the merrier? In a sense, anyways. Sometimes if you feel like you've been singled out, it's nice to know you're not actually the only person it's happened to.

Sorry for saving your reply for last, Anon. It's such an important one, I wanted to be properly thoughtful!

I think that it is going to make some people feel less alone, and there is always some relief in sharing one's trials. That might be especially true when one has been unable to share them anywhere else. It's not like you can address this on your own blog right now, COAR is definitely not a safe place to do so, it's a very isolating feeling that is made worse for having done nothing.

Coming back and being required to wade through this shit was really damn disgusting to me as well, but at least in my case, I had neither been obliged to distance myself for the sake of mental health nor was I treated to the sickening display of drumming up ideas of victimization from someone who victimized me. What I experienced was just incredulity and disgust, I cannot imagine how incensing this must be for you, I am so very sorry. If it makes me angry having a degree of removal and watching in it real time? What you're experiencing...there really isn't a single word to adequately encapsulate that, I'm sure.

You've still expressed so many of the things I've thought and felt. I found all that initial behavior uncalled for, shameful, yet another display of what's actually wrong in the RPC, but it was increasingly upsetting to me the more I looked into it because it did feel a little (a lot) too reminiscent of the sort of bullying experienced in person. It's really something else to be viciously picked at by someone who keeps upping the game until such point as it begins to cause them trouble, then get to be painted the wrongdoer and punished in some way for it because they're presenting as a sympathetic victim. A more sympathetic victim than you, that's really what I mean, I'm just going to say it.

And that was already in swing by the time I got from the launch point to the smoking crater of then current events. I got to Raven's again after bouncing back and forth between their interactions with others, largely from COAR, yes, and the shit on the callout blog...to see...everyone else being blamed in increasingly drastic ways.

Because on tumblr, unlike reality, if you throw out enough times ahead of time that you have disorders people can get behind, you're more sympathetic, not less. So long as one has set that foundation and has others to broadcast it once convenient, any horrible action one undertakes is given a pass. Anyone disagreeing, anyone not tolerating the abuse, is in the wrong now. In the worst possible way, of course.

This whole thing began with incredibly unnecessary bullshit and every, I mean fucking every, further action taken was a new level of fucked up, but the trivializing of and damage done to the perception of mental health and differences is quite possibly the worst. Are those things that need any more of that? It's already such a problem! I already see suspicion and fatigue with this, every time it's given validation, it grows.

Even if I wasn't mentally ill, with one of the disorders that gets vilified even on tumblr, even if I were not autistic, even if I never knew a single person who suffered worse than I do from the the complications they won by way of being born, hadn't anyone I loved that took their lives, this would be extremely upsetting to me. Using the idea that "whatever I do, it's got to be acceptable because I am X" while not caring that anyone else is X, Y, and/or Z. Weaponizing it for bullying and sympathy simultaneously. Way too much. Incredibly gross and harmful, legitimately fucking problematic.

I want people to be taken seriously when they choose to speak of the boundaries their mental health requires, I want muns to be able to say that they are having a difficult time without it coming off (even to the rest of us with mental health conditions) as a ploy for attention/guilting for whatever action they desire be taken by partners, and I want people to take threats of oncoming, serious harm seriously. How are they to do this, when it is continually used as tool or weaponized against others? At very best, it becomes another thing to ignore and scroll by on the dash.

As we've all had the misfortune to experience or witness so recently, once it is weaponized, it's a problem of priority. I've said in damn near every message I've gotten that Raven isn't the only person involved here who has serious shit going on, but like the absurdity with trying to spin an accident as transphobia, or having the audacity to attempt speaking from a place of peace in a way that might benefit everyone, Raven included, resulting in a callout about being against ND people...it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter that any of us are neurodivergent, have serious chronic mental health complications, or are not cisgender. Raven was swinging that around like a flaming sword to drive off bigots real and imagined before we ever got their attention.

Attention they fucking asked for.

Reblogging that post from COAR was just like posting those rules. The intention was to get attention, and it was asked for with extreme hostility. I have no idea how that is coming off to anyone as simply them defending themselves. It was a great moment to either not out themselves as the person in the confession at all, not engage with it, quietly remove the post, or to reblog it and take responsibility in a meaningful way at that point. Can you imagine what a difference that would have made then? If Raven had chosen instead to reblog it and apologize for doing what they had. Just that. No shitty, snide little comments about how they're sorry, but still absolutely correct and here are five reasons why everything they've misconstrued won't be tolerated. Just an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, an apology for doing so, and awareness gained moving forward.

Their decision to interact with that post in the way they did wasn't just more of the same nonsense, it was actively upping the game. I don't really care if it was intentional bait or just continuing to let malicious impulse run free, it was used as bait. Everyone who interacted with that post was effectively consigning themselves to harassment, and if they happened to interact on literally any other topic that group held a passionately opposing opinion on, they were attacked for it. Curiously, it became necessary for them to be harassed by way of the callout blog, but that is getting a little close to off-topic, so, I'll leave it at that.

So, while I initially really wanted to have the appeal to Raven work because their expressions of regret that I was greatly on the fence about being genuine, I'd say those flags were accurate. I cannot believe that someone who took every opportunity to do the wrong thing is genuinely sorry. Sorry for themselves, absolutely, sorry for anything they did, not so much. This constant narrative I got of "they SAID they were sorry" and "they apologized again and again and took the posts down," including from Raven, is incredible. On that last one, they, yet again, couldn't actually address me.

Appropriate response: messaging me or reblogging that post (you know, the rules snippet I found right the hell there still, despite the claim of it being deleted and the final catalyst of me needing to say something after I saw that, nope, surely was not) with the acknowledgment of a single thing I said.

Extra appropriate response: ^ plus going to everyone who could still be located that they harmed with a genuine, individual, private apology.

Inappropriate response that was had: new post, shitty, childish tone like they at once wanted to argue with me and didn't want to drop the act, restating of this apology that had already been deleted and meant exactly shit while it existed, restating of how they deleted this post and couldn't control reblogs, ignoring that I literally reblogged the original copy from their blog.

Apology neither believed nor accepted. Just as it wouldn't be if my nephew came to my house, broke a bunch of my things, said he was sorry while throwing the pieces at my pet, then threw himself on the floor screaming that he said he was sorry when I told him to go have a time out.

(Yes, I absolutely did just make a comparison to a child, y'all can shit yourselves again. It's not my problem if you want to misconstrue "this person's actions are not befitting of an adult" as "Vespertine said autistic people are children!" Fucking miss me with that. I'm an autistic adult who pays my bills, apologizes, doesn't treat people like shit while trying to excuse it by being ND. You're offensive with that shit, and contributing to the negative perception people have of those on the spectrum. Be a good ally today! Don't valid that! Free ninety-nine offer!)

Again, sorry for yourself does not equal being sorry for what you've done. The former can contribute to the development of the latter, but as I said in a response yesterday, there has been no display of that beginning to transpire. I genuinely hope that will eventually be the case because that would be the best outcome, the only "best" outcome at this point. Even if it was two years from now, if it did happen, I certainly would not be kind to people refusing them any such growth in peace, and I hope that, by some distant chance, I get to prove that.

But...stating "my intentions were good" over any part of this is not remotely promising. When? Where? At what point? Oh, right, when you took it upon yourself to label a random mun you took issue with. That's when your intentions were good. Then, when you vehemently needed to defend that point by callouts and individual attacks under the guise of it definitely not being about your pride, no! It was the defense of everyone else! Defending the community by carpet-bombing it, yes. This is not a "the path to Hell is paved with good intentions" situation.

I am so disturbed about the nineteen-year-old mun, my god. I'm telling y'all, my anger and disgust almost reach what I think is a pinnacle, then there's something new like this.

I don't even subscribe to tumblr's ideology that anyone under twenty-five is an actual infant who needs be kept in a protective bubble and forgiven for all bad behavior with infinite kindness, nineteen-year-olds deserve the agency of the adultier adults they are becoming, but it is a transitional age. Especially today. Most socialization and formative ideas take place online, and by the time younger RPers are entering the adult sphere of RP here, they've already got some really unhealthy ideas. About themselves, about others. There is such a demand for rabidly performative action that gets internalized, it shouldn't be being heartily fed by people in the community they might look up to.

At that age, someone like Raven is going to be a person looked up to. They espouse all the right ideas, and it's an age in which aggressive interaction over those things is seen as amusing and correct, no matter how wrong the actions taken are or the basis upon which they are founded. When these people foster an environment of cruelty for questioning, of course, that is not going to be the natural response. The response is now going to be the requirement of being told otherwise with adequate proof.

I have suspected that many of the hateful anons I've gotten were from Raven's even younger followers who feel like it's normal, acceptable, and that everything they're being told by Raven's sales team over at the callout blog is absolutely true. Of course, they're now morally obligated to come harass me for the things they were told I did! I think it's likely that several of the anons people got were from actual minors, which is so many levels of scary and irresponsible. Really great example all around, yes!

Because whether it is one's intention or not, that is potentially exposing minors, or muns who are still close enough to be more negatively impacted, to who even knows what. As well as violating the rules of blogs who do not interact with minors for good reason, setting those blogs up for yet another callout for treating someone they didn't know was a minor the way they did or having "freak shit" on their blog. Setting up the other party to be treated with full hostility as an adult would be. Very cool, very responsible.

There is just so much here that is unacceptable, I don't think people who were not directly impacted or have never had a callout against them understand the results, and that is one more unacceptable thing you've been good enough to talk about.

Even while taking a break from the RPC, it affects you negatively. Wondering what you're coming back to, your blog is no longer a safe feeling space, and there's nothing you can do to "cultivate your blog" to change that. They've taken away the ability to simply block and avoid others, the thing that keeps all of us comfortable here as well as allowing that to be all of us no matter how disagreeable we might be to each other. Callouts negate adult behavior. Callouts mean that one doesn't know where more potential for harassment might be coming from, or how long we might have to be worried about that.

It would be a major concern for me as well about what putting myself out there to new writing partners might bring. What the success of that might be. It's incredibly unfair that they've made finding new people precarious and more unpleasant than it can be anyway. That puts all of the future of your RP here in question, and if you're like me, just dropping a muse, picking up another, and moving to a new URL isn't going to be a good choice for you. It isn't that simple if you dedicate time to a muse for a long period of time, when that's the case, that's the RP you want to do and have laid the groundwork for.

I don't know if it will help at all, but it has seemed to me, over the past several days, that there are fewer people in the RPC who are inclined to believe or support callouts than there once was. I was hoping that was the case, since there is always so much interaction on my posts against callout culture, but until this crap went down, I had no idea just how many people are not positive toward it. It has seemed to be that the people who are inclined to listen to callouts are just louder.

I've also noticed that those people have the same set of red flags, so maybe sharing that will help you or others?

They don't have simple, basic, reasonable Do Not Interacts. It isn't simply asking that minors don't interact because the mun is over eighteen, that muns writing a triggering topic not interact, or that sort of thing. No, it's URL dropping of specific muns, outright links to callouts or "receipts," and an accusatory tone about any topics or types of muns who shouldn't interact. Such as "nasty ass proshippers" or "pedo apologists shipping incest."

Their rules are reflective this as well. A statement cannot be made that they do not write, let's say, toxic ships and left at that. There will be some morality wank present about normalizing or romanticizing toxic/abusive relationships.

There are less assured flags, but literally, anything that stands out as an interest in RPC or fandom-based activism as opposed to an interest in writing, their muses, or even their friendships with a variety of muns. I don't mean a rounded-out interest in things, I really do mean a glaring predominance of buzzword-laden reblogs and PSA's while they've not written a reply, headcanon, or answered a meme in months.

I'm not saying any of that because I feel like you, or anyone else's, judgment is terrible or that you're oblivious to warning signs! It's just that when we've experienced bad situations, it can compromise our ability to see clearly. It becomes easy to see a potential threat everywhere, and maybe that seems contrary, but it's then easy to fail to see real threats from those we're blowing up. We question whether we're being just as judgmental as the people who wronged us, putting words in other muns' mouths and thoughts in place of their own as was done to us. While we still are afraid to be wrong in giving someone an in to ruining our time again.

So, please, don't feel like I'm questioning your intelligence or speaking from a place of ultimate knowledge, never making mistakes in such a choice! I just really hate that you, and many others, are going through this, and anything at all that I can think of that might help you move forward from this utter bullshit you've been through, I've got to try to grab it.

Because, Anon, like all those sharing their experiences these last few days, you sound like the kind of mun we need in the RPC.

You're someone willing to share with others for the benefit of others. You're being honest about your feelings of anger and even the hopeless sensation of whether it's even worth it to try to return, having your progress on and offline stomped on, while still maintaining a sort of fairness and calm that I know is not easy. Because that's the mature thing to do, it's the right thing, and unfortunately, those are usually the harder things to do as well.

You did the right thing in expressing your opinion and doing what people like Raven's group love to be on about, can only do through bullying: not tolerating it. I'd hate for the RPC to lose someone like you!

Just as your message matters to more people out there than myself, I have no doubt that your choice to not quietly allow this behavior mattered to more muns than you'll ever know. I'm sure that none of them would have wanted this result for you, but so many muns have experienced such toxic, bullying behavior over the years in which not a soul spoke up.

Many of you proved something very important with challenging Raven and the callouts blog, that unlike them, it isn't necessary for good people to even know each other to do the right thing. They have to dogpile and engage in cliquish behavior, what they do isn't coming from a place of inner ethics and strength, but what you all did? It's the opposite.

So, not only do I thank you again for sharing and providing the important support of simply not being alone to others, I thank you for being the example to the RPC that people dealing in callouts and generalized shaming cannot be, no matter their platform.

I hope that, whether you choose to remain, leave, or take a very long break, everything you've been dealing with starts to look up. I know it's easy to say things made hollow for their repetition and flippant use, like telling you not to let them win, or that their bullshit just isn't that important. So, I'm not going to say them.

It doesn't work that way when you're dealing with mental health concerns! You can logically know that this is just petty bullshit not worth being run out of something important to you, but that doesn't stop the worry, frustration, or depression. You can have all the determination in the world to hang in there, even the spite to back it up, but neither is a match for the things you cannot control coming from your brain. That is the cruelty of mental illness on the very best of days.

You have all of my respect, support, and genuine sympathy that this happened to you. No one should be allowed to continually and unapologetically go out of their way to throw a wrench into someone's hard-won progress. You did nothing to deserve this, and the people out there worth interacting with are going to be the same ones who will have no question of that.

Lastly, I also hope that some of the anons sharing their experiences have helped you feel less alone, or like you're not just irrationally upset. Please know that you're seen and supported as well! And that you are always welcome to talk more, vent, share successes here.

Thank you, Anon.

#vespertine #answered #anonymous #long post #drama cw #rp harassment #callout culture

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if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 3 years

Text

Duchy Conversation 8

[The following transcript details the conversation is between one of the Crown ARG Discord members and Duke on Twitter]

Donti: “Its always a roll of the dice as to who I will talk to! Who is it today, I wonder? :Dc, Hello!”

Duke: “Hello there, Donti. I do hope I haven't kept you too long. It is the Duke, little lamb.”

Donti: “Hi Duke!!! Sorry I kept you waiting, didn't notice you had messaged me ^^'

How have you been ?”

Duke: “Apologies are in order for myself as well it seems, the little bird did not notify me you responded!

I have been doing as well as I can be. My sister is hurt and it is the fault of a cretin, it is not something I am in joy over.”

Donti: “Oh, I heard about that, I'm so sorry :(. I hope it didn't change your views on the family, I'm sure they regret it

((we are simply the best at responding))”

Duke: “Oh indeed we are truly the most wonderful at responses! It does my heart well to see such our skill. In a more serious tone though, I will say that it did in fact impact my view of the family. How could it not?

Donti: “That's fair, I was just being overly hopeful :/ How are you feeling? About it I mean.?”

Duke: “I feel disgusted.

These people are animals, brutes. There are few in this family who can even have the honour of being called kind - Prince, Baron and Jester are the only ones suitable for humanity. Countess perhaps as well, although I am unsure.”

Donti: “Those are strong sentiments Duke, even if they are justified... Have you talked to Crown about it? He cares about your well-being, after all.”

Duke: “I will not speak to Crown on this matter. I do not think his constitution can handle the reveal of my inner feelings. What will he suggest, that I simply apologize? That I forgive and forget? No. I will not.”

Donti: “What are you going to do then? Hold a grudge? I have learnt the hard way that people don't enjoy those.

When you hold a grudge. People will make you let go of it.”

Duke: “No one will make me do anything.”

Donti: “That's a good thing.”

Duke: “I will rise with the sun and set with the moon. I will traverse oceans and watch mountains crumble. I will live and laugh and love but in my heart, I will gaze upon these beast's faces and know that I will howl with joy at their demise.

They hurt my sister, Donti.

They hurt her.”

Donti: “Yea... Did you talk to her about it?”

Duke: “I have. She is doing much better now, but the fact still remains sight will never return to one of her eyes. Her face is forever scarred because she had the audacity to care about me. They have lied to us, kept information from us, mocked and jeered...... And now this.

If you cannot see my reasons for a "grudge" as you call it so then I am afraid I do not understand your way of thinking, little lamb.”

Donti: “Oh I see your reason for a grudge. Don't worry. I would do the same. But are you planning on,,, acting on this? I wouldn't advise it, but if you are, don't be rash.”

Duke: “I have no plans as of now. My current goal is to ensure my sisters' safety and comfort as she adjusts to her current prediciment.

Of course, if King or Baroness notice a few missing items they adore then it is not the fault of I, but a wonderful coincidence”

Donti: “If by chance it were to happen, it would be well deserved. Although, I would suggest that the plants be left alone... I would feel bad if a living thing were to die for a grudge against another.”

Duke: “I do not view plants the way you do but it is understandable, I suppose. I'm sure whatever hooligan is committing such crimes will know.

May I ask you something Donti?”

Donti: “Of course you may ^^”

Duke: “Do the strong not devour the weak?”

Donti: “... They do. I have learnt that many times over.”

Duke: “Then if that is how the world goes, is it so terrible to be one of the strong? One of the victors that taste the honey-sweet sense of delight?”

Donti: “But to be one of the strong. Certain things must be sacrificed. Pity. Kindness. Empathy. To taste victory, one must pay the price”

Duke: “And if the price has been paid, who would we be to deny the gift thats been given?”

Donti: “And if your fellow lions defend the mice?”

Duke: “Then the lion must bring itself to slaughter.

Do not fear though, this is much more of a.. Personal issue then one that deals with your flock, little lamb. I hold no ill will towards any of you”

Donti: “It looks like you've already paid the price of victory... Not that I blame you. I would be a hypocrite to say otherwise. But sometimes the lion who cares for the mouse will call upon the mice and see that it is answered.

Is it worth losing the trust of many.. Even all?”

Duke: “Then how does the lion prevent the mice from coming for the mouse?

What I crave, what I've decided, hurts no one physically. Those who may grieve for a moment will move on with time, and if not? Then they can weep, for I have conquered.”

Donti: “Well said. Although. One must remember why he chooses to conquer. Or he may lose sight of his goal”

Duke: “I want to live, Donti. Is that so bad? So selfish? To have a life that is my own?”

Donti: “No. It isn't selfish. But you have to remember that you share your life with others. Or you'll find yourself losing everyone.”

Duke: “Of course, of course. One would be foolish to forget that, after all people enrich our lives. Without my sister life would be horrid, a misery existence filled with only shades of grey.”

Donti: “Losing a sibling is terrible, I hope it never happens to you.”

Duke: “Do you have experience?”

Donti: “My sibling and I simply drifted away... We were close, once. Sometimes they visit me, and I them... But. It's just not the same. We have chosen different paths

Nothing that you could help...”

Duke: “How terrible, little lamb. I mourn for your loss. Perhaps the Crown could help fix that - but I must say I do prefer you as you, dear one.”

Donti: “Yea.. Maybe. But I enjoy being myself. My other self has never awoken... Not that I try to contact them.”

Duke: “You are you. There is no one else, and if there is? Pay them no mind. You are yourself. Do not contact them. Do not engage. Only you exist, only you must be in mind.

You are you.”

Donti: “Oh, alright.. Why are you against it? Aren't you sharing another's mind?.. Although. Your counterpart is asleep..”

Duke: “Do not speak of him

Do not.”

Donti: “Alright! I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable ^^”

Duke: “There is no one else in this body but I. There is no one else here but I. And if there was? He does not matter. He is weak and I am strong. I have won, but that is redundant because. There. Is. No. One. Else. Here.

I am myself, Donti. All of it.”

Donti: “Of course. I'm sorry for bringing it up”

Duke: “Good. Thank you for apologizing, little lamb. What you said was quite rude.

It is alright though! Do not fret. I forgive you, it was just a simple mistake after all. Do not fret.”

Donti: “Yes, thank you for forgiving me, i think i forgot my manners ^^""

By the way, have you ever played video games?”

Duke: “You did, little lamb. You did indeed. I am forgiving however, and you are young. Do not worry, such transgressions are already forgotten. We are friends after all, and it would be cruel of me to hold it against you so.

On the topic change, what is a video game?”

Donti: “Oh! it's a type of digital entertainment? There are many different kinds of them!

Us lambs enjoy them, and there are a lot of multiplayer games that I think you would enjoy”

Duke: “Fascinating, what exactly do you think might be suited towards my taste? I find myself intrigued.”

Donti: “Hm... You seem like someone who would enjoy RPGs? Roleplayers games! There are also online competitive games you might enjoy...

Before we... Drifted. My sibling and I would play cooperation games! Two people would share a keyboard and work towards a common goal. I would suggest you look into a few”

Duke: “Those do not sound so bad. Perhaps it is time I look more into these things instead of letting new experiences pass me.

I am sorry about your sibling. I truly am. Perhaps have them be dreadfully injured so you must nurse them back to health? A bond will grow out of the feeling of debt if nothing else.”

Donti: “Ah. My sibling is very. Independent.. Even if they were to be injured, they would deal with it on their own. If I were to help them, they would go. I love them, but they don't need me anymore. I’ve accepted that..”

Duke: “Oh dear, you poor thing. It must be horrible, to be all alone. I knew how that felt once. With so little support, barely anyone to depend on..... I think the worst part of it all is the quiet, no? The lonesome silence that settles into your skull.

You need not fret, while I am sorry about your sibling you do have my sister and I. We would never do such a cruel thing to you.”

Donti: “Thank you Duke.. That is very kind ^^ It hurts to think that you have been here too. I'm glad you're happy now!”

Duke: “Thank you. I am glad to be in such a place now, after that dark time. One day you will be here too.”

Donti: “That's a possibility I hope comes true!”

Duke: “It will”

Donti: “Unfortunately, it's getting late :( I must regretfully take my leave

Until next time!”

Duke: “Until next time, little lamb. I hope you rest well.”

#on:twitter #by:duchy #by:duke #if the crown fits

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oh-lali-lali-lali-lalipop · 4 years

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@mysteriousdbzgt: Hi oh-lali-lali-lali-lalipop! Thank you for your ask. First of all, thanks for asking this question here on my personal (and also for the follow over on t&bftw, welcome aboard! :D) I think you can probably tell from here, that I’m a huge supporter of them becoming romantically involved lol I don’t shy about that here, but I like to present a more neutral stance over on my news dedicated blog, to not influence others of my personal opinions. With regards to the new season, as much as I would be supportive of it, I unfortunately highly doubt that they would become “official” in S2 or anything in the future, but will remain extremely dedicated and attentive to one another, regardless of their constant bickering. The creators of the show are more than aware of the popularity of the “couple”, being constantly popular at doujinshi events and the continuous amounts of merchandise that they bring out, which regularly focuses on the main duo rather than all of the Heroes all the time. The fandom is primarily dominated by women, when originally the show was supposed to target men and “salarymen”, but attracted a completely different demographic that they hadn’t anticipated. I can only think that’s mainly because of the appeal of K&B. Also not helped by some of the staff’s, let’s just say, “unfiltered” thoughts when they discuss about K & B in older interviews, centering around “love” and other similar notions. I think they still want to keep this series aimed towards a male demographic, even if the results don’t line up as they expect. But highly ironically, it’s what makes the show successful, so I doubt they would want to change how they portray Kotetsu and Barnaby’s relationship. Personally I would be absolutely over the moon if they did become “official”, because they’re just perfect for one another (hehe) and it could just break so many standard conventions/boundaries on how media portrays same-sex relationships, if done appropriately, and not be labelled with any genre tags like “BL”, “yaoi” or anything similar, and still simply just be a “drama”, “superhero” tale, with the two main males eventually getting together but not make a big song and dance about it. If we want to normalise LGBT relationships within our media and what we consume, then we need to drop these tags and portray them in a healthy manner, which I think the show does well between them both. I believe that the staff have the talent to pull it off, they just need to be cautious on how they do it. Like you said, how FE is presented in the show which such great self confidence about themselves and who they are, really shows that they can write this. Also T&B’s spiritual successor show, Double Decker (who had a lot of the same staff) tackles some LGBT themes pretty well, so they could absolutely do it. But yeah, I don’t think they’ll become “official” unfortunately. But if anything, I anticipate that KxB will most likely be working even closer together in S2, so they’ll be more in tune with one another, and possibly open up even more to each other than they did before. Hopefully they’ll be over the huge feuds and split apart phase, which The Rising focused on (they’ll still bicker all the time, but that’s just how they are), so we can see just how far their relationship has come and changed for the better. Anyway this is probably way too long (sorry), but always interested to hear your thoughts too! :)

Heya! Before I start I just wanna say thank you so much for taking the time to give me such a thorough reply, it is incredibly well thought out and written! I also want to say I am so freaking sorry you had to type out my monstrosity of a name (seriously didn’t think about that when making the joke lol). Oh, and I’m equally sorry for the formatting of the reply... really had no clue how to go about it, so I just defaulted to going about it the roleplayer way haha. Anyways, for starters, I think I should say that I actually agree with you a lot. You see, logically I think it feels highly unlikely they’d make them “official” in the new season. I’m not sure if I feel like it’s unlikely because I, someone who’s in the LGBTQ community, am a pessimist (aka, I’m negative regardless of proof) who is use to companies not delivering on it/assume companies won’t deliver on it.... or if I’m genuinely, but unconsciously, picking up on Sunrise’s stance of “not gonna happen”. Despite all that I still feel stupidly hopeful about it (y’know, heart louder than the mind and all that jazz)... and I guess for the sake of the discussion I’ll break down why! lol So, I got into the fandom.... around the time of The Rising, I think, so anywhere from 2014 to 2015. I instantly fell in love with it all, but I did end up falling out of the loop for awhile (being a teenager and all that). Recently (recently being that I finished S1 on Friday, watched The Rising on Sunday, and now I’m here lol) I got back into it and.... wow, a lot of it is the same, and.... at the same time it felt like I had so much more to process. It’s still as amazing as ever, if not even more so, and just like with everything else I love with my entire being I started to analyze it and read into it (maybe a little bit too much so lol). In all honesty, KxB seriously stood out even more so than it did last time for me (I don’t know if it’s because I’m now accepting of my sexuality or what) and while it’s not actually the best part of the series to me (God, Barnaby’s arc means so much to me what with me struggling with cPTSD, but that story is best left on my RP blog) I do have to admit that the pairing is... incredibly meaningful, and beautiful. Moving for me, really. I guess the following observations, and hopeful thinking that came after it, could be deduced to me just wearing shipper goggles, but considering my habit of over analyzing and breaking things down... I do try to make predictions and opinions logically, and with that in mind it’s why I’m so stuck on the “hopeful thinking”, since a tiny bit of logical thinking is fueling it. Tiger & Bunny is about human relationships, really. For a show focusing on NEXTs... it’s really about humanity, corruption, society, relationships... and KxB all along the first season is written as an undertone, like a slow burn (which is entirely fitting, and seriously makes any relationship better), which fits because the first season is, in actuality, not focused on that (the plot being bigger than we can see and all that). In the end, having rewatched it, I also noticed how, really, the undertone is written in such a way that.... it feels like Barnaby is the one with the “crush” (or is the first one to realize it) which... kinda fits with the old statements from the crew. Kotetsu the forever oblivious one who hasn’t had an epiphany yet (although if I’m being honest, The Rising seems to have this “side-plot” feeling of Kotetsu having the epiphany when he realizes what he’s lost, which is what I meant by the flow of the series somewhat feels like it’s building towards it)... .... There’s also the whole “leaving it to interpretation thing” they said back then. Which, I have to agree with some other people that it feels like it’s just a way of saying “it’s romantic but we don’t want to take that risk”.... and that was back around 2011. It’ll have been decade since then when S2 is released, and, while a decade is just a decade, a lot has changed on a societal basis since then. Even during this decade long gap Sunrise has become more bold with their representation, whether it be Double Decker! or The Rising.... almost like they’re testing the waters... and what better way to champion representation than to make two main characters the representation? This franchise is... so human in it’s story, and the meaning doing such a thing would have for so many people... in a way, I think out ways some of the risks. I feel like the build up is there, the want is there (tbh seeing posts on tumblr of people talking about how they hope they’ll get a kiss in S2 or something “official” like that also fueled this)... it just depends on whether they’ll feel afraid or not. Which is, really, why I asked for your opinion. You do such good work at trying to bridge the gap between the Japanese fandom/Sunrise and the English speaking community (which, btw, you are amazing at, I can’t thank you enough for the work you do), and I knew you’d be more informed on Sunrise’s attitude and statements, as well as the general opinions and depositions of the Japanese fans. In the end, I can “read into” things all I want, but it won’t matter if you can’t understand the one who pulls the strings... and because of that I wanted to know your opinion. I’m so so sorry this got so long!! I’m really horrible at summarizing myself, so this turned into a major ramble.... I’m gonna wrap it up now before this turns into a novel haha. Again, thank you so much for responding to my question and for being open to discussing it, it means so much! I truly respect your opinion, since it helps me clear my own thoughts, as well as gives me a dose of reality so I don’t get my hopes up too much... I guess in the end though, a part of me is going to continue to think that they just might have the heart to do it, irregardless lol. I look forwards to seeing what you have to say about what I’ve written here!

#mysteriousdbzgt #thoughts #Tiger & Bunny #I have no clue why tumblr tried to squash your post when I copied it like Kotetsu squashes his burgers #but jesus fucking christ #also tumblr what did you do to block quotes wtf

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skekzok-the-ritual-master · 4 years

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Out Of Character Questions

ROLEPLAYER GET TO KNOW YOU PROMPT

Tagged by: @hedonistschambers

Tagging: @ask-skeksa-the-mariner, @allpowerfulemperor, @asktheornamentalist, @askurva-thearcher, and anyone else who wants to :)

OOC About Your Character(s)

1. What do you want to get out of playing this character(s)?

I used to RP on Tumblr a lot in the Megamind fandom, and seeing other Dark Crystal RPers on here made me want to try getting back into RP a little. Since I don’t have any Dark Crystal OCs who lend themselves well to RP, I decided to go with a canon character, and skekZok was a prominent one who hadn’t gotten a blog yet. I’ve always liked looking at characters and thinking about what makes them tick, so this gives me a fun chance to do that for him.

2. Describe your character(s) with three words.

Cultured | Sadistic | Hypocritical

3. What made you decide to write this muse?

I’d been following the blogs of a few other Skeksis RPers, and the absence of Zok had been remarked on. Since he’s one of my favorites, I decided to make a blog for him and join in the fun.

4. If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

That’s a tough one, because Zok really doesn’t suffer that much in canon compared to other characters. I might stop ZokZah from trying to burn out part of his soul, but skekZok wouldn’t exist and there wouldn’t be much of a story if I did that. (If we include the JM Lee novels, I’d change it so he doesn’t throw skekSa under the bus.)

5. If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

“Don’t stab the blonde Gelfling girl. It won’t prevent the prophecy, and she’ll just come back to life anyway.”

6. If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

I’d love to see his reaction to a Swiss Army knife.

7. If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

I’m not sure how positive this is, but I’d take away his ability to believe his own lies. It would be interesting to see how he tries to juggle all the conflicting rules and stories he’s come up with over the centuries.

8. If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?

His talent for speaking in public. I wish I could command an audience like he does.

9. Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

Considering the kind of things that tend to make Zok happy? Maybe. As for what would make him happiest, he believes it would be achieving immortality and remaining one of the highest-ranked of the court and having skekSa as his permanent mate, but that still won’t heal the spiritual emptiness inside him. Much as I enjoy Zok and Zah as separate beings, I do think reunification was the best thing for them. If he and SaSan could have been together after that, that would have been even better.

10. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

I don’t mind angst in small doses, as long as I plot it out with the other player(s) beforehand and we agree how it will turn out in the end. Zok doesn’t lend himself easily to angst, but losing his place in the court hierarchy or having one of his allies turn on him would do it. He’s also come to genuinely believe the mythology he’s invented over the centuries -- anything that seriously challenged that worldview would be hard for him to deal with.

11. What do you love about your muse?

A lot of things. His charisma, his striking blue eyes, the way his voice is deeper and smoother than most of the other Skeksis, how over-the-top his gold outfit is, how he’s so attached to his headdress that he doesn’t even take it off in the spa, how unrepentantly creepy and sadistic he is -- he’s a very enjoyable character, even if he is a horrible birb.

12. What do you hate about your muse?

He's not an easy character to have interact with everyone. He can pretend to be nice when it suits him, and he’s not totally incapable of caring about people, but he’s still nasty enough that I can tell in advance a lot of interactions wouldn’t go well.

13. What about your muse amuses you?

The contrast between the austere image he tries to keep up, and how frazzled he gets when something upsets that image (”MY CARRIAGE!”). Also when he gets sarcastic or looks down on the others when they act in a less-than-civilized way.

14. What about your muse makes you sad?

All the people he’s hurt, and how unwilling he is to see that his way of life isn’t sustainable and won’t truly make him happy in the end.

15. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

“This guy is a creep, but he believes in good manners. Tread lightly, and you should be okay.”

16. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

LOL no. He’s an awful person who is best left in the realm of fiction.

17. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

I like to think I’m a much nicer person than he is. I can be blunt and a bit of a troll sometimes, but I really don’t like hurting anyone, or trying to force people to do stuff they don’t like. As for Zok, he’s much more confident and well-spoken than I am, and he’s had the determination to stick with one job for a thousand years.

18. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

We’re both interested in culture, myth, and history, and feel better when we can assign some order to the world around us.

19. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

As I see it, the core of Zok’s character is that he wants to bring order to the world; that’s why his job title is ‘Ritual Master’ rather than ‘High Priest’ or something more overtly religious. If he can’t see an obvious reason why things are the way they are, he’ll invent one that makes sense to him (and serves his needs).

I think this is what Zok sees as his most important trait too -- in his mind, he took a bunch of feral newborn creatures who (by all rights) were never meant to have existed in the first place, and helped turn them into a civilized, godlike people who rule an entire planet. But that feral nature is always under the surface, and they still need ritual and order (and yes, punishment) to keep it in check.

20. Has your character(s) changed over the time that you have been playing them? How have they changed?

I haven’t been playing Zok for very long, but I’ve recently had a chance to write how he feels about deeper questions, like what it would mean for Skeksis to have children, and what happens to Skeksis and urRu souls after they die. I think it’s made him a bit more three-dimensional.

About You!

1. What is your name?

Kate, a.k.a. Crow or Lady Stormcrow

2. What is your profession?

Social worker, currently working in substance abuse treatment.

3. What do you do to relax?

Watch favorite TV shows, play video games, listen to music, hang out outdoors, chat online.

4. What is your favorite treat (desert)?

I have a big weakness for flan and other custard desserts. Also caramel.

5. Favorite movie

Amadeus (1984).

6. Favorite book

Good Omens (and yes I loved the series too).

7. Favorite vacation spot

Grand Cayman. We were supposed to visit again this spring, but COVID happened.

8. Favorite Disney movie

I’m not sure I have one favorite, but I love Fantasia and The Rescuers.

9. How did you first get into role playing?

Almost 20 years ago, lol. When I first started going online in high school, I made an online friend ( @ksclaw ) who introduced me to the concept. We played interactions with our SWAT Kats fan characters, and she helped me get the hang of it.

10. What was your first platform? If it was something other than Tumblr, what made you get into Tumblr?

It was Livejournal. I discovered Tumblr in late 2011 after my friends in the Megamind fandom introduced me to it, and most of us migrated here from our old LJ community. I loved being able to reblog whatever struck my fancy, and while my interest has waxed and waned, as you can see I’m still here.

11. What’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

I like to think I have pretty good grammar. I know I’m guilty of run-on sentences, though, and I overuse ellipses and mix up ; and -- far too much.

12. Are there any languages besides English in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

Not really. I can speak and understand a little Spanish and French, but not enough to write anything meaningful, and I’m wary of translation software for anything beyond a short sentence. Sorry!

13. Do you listen to music while your write?

Sometimes. Usually not when I’m doing the actual writing (that’s distracting, and I like to hear the words in my head), but I’ll listen to it beforehand to get myself in a mood or get some inspiration.

14. Are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

Late morning after I’ve had my coffee is usually my best time. Unfortunately I’m usually at work during that time, but on slow days and weekends I try to take advantage of it.

15. How does tiredness affect your writing?

It turns me into a zombie who can dream but cannot actually write.

16. What is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

Lack of motivation. I daydream and imagine stuff easily enough, but putting it down into writing is much harder, especially when I’m braindead from work.

17. How many drafts is a paralyzing amount?

More than 5 is daunting, though fortunately Zok hasn’t gotten that many yet.

18. Is there anything character-wise or writing style-wise that you can’t stand?

Players who are unwilling to have their characters be in the wrong, or who get upset if my character doesn’t react the way they wanted. Not all interactions are going to be smooth and happy, and I’m fine with that. Your character is not you, just like mine is not me.

19. What kind of anonymous questions are your favorite?

Weird ones. I like having my muses react to them.

20. What is your weakest point in writing? Angst, fluff, dialogue, etc.?

Fluff is kind of tricky. I don’t have trouble imagining it, but I get paralyzed thinking “this is too indulgent, I shouldn’t publish it, no one but me will like it, etc.” Maybe that’s part of why Zok appeals to me, because he’s not the fluffy type.

#ooc #writing

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babblingfishes · 5 years

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five interesting things about me

@impormable tagged me in a thing because I seem like an “interesting person”

0: I've never done a drug or drank an alcohol or broken a bone or fucked or received a ticket or been in a car where someone else received a ticket in my entire life and I never plan to. This is not an interesting fact I just wanted to highlight off the bat how incredibly uninteresting I am.

1: I habitually break games. Sometimes this happens on accident.

Sometimes it happens because I go "i wonder how a Decayed Guardians' AI responds if I Stasis it while outside of its aggro range" and the answer is "it falls through the floor."

Sometimes it's because I go "i bet no one has ever died here haha watch this" and jump into a ravine and get stuck in a wall.

2: I have a lot of those cutesy pajama sets that look like brightly-colored flannel blazers with matching pants except i don't care enough to match them so they are always two horrible clashing patterns and if it's cold i sometimes wear another pj top over the first one and sometimes i go to donut shops like this because i don't want to put on real clothes. (I am pretty sure this is very cool of me.)

3: I roleplay a lot. When I tell “normal” people this they immediately assume i mean sex things, which is unfortunate, because It's actually more like playing D&D with fewer rules. I even put in very large letters on my rules page that I do not write sex/romance things. Despite all of this, I have met so many very bad roleplayers who want my characters to do sex/romance things, and every single time it’s absolutely fucking hilarious.

My favorite is the time someone shot their own character in hopes of getting a tragic, romantic scene with my gunman. This happened almost immediately after she blackmailed him. When he did not jump to hold her dramatically in his arms, they brought in the Grim Reaper who spent a whole conversation trying to guilt him about this fact. Eventually I had a fun and comical back-alley medic patch her up, and 10 minutes later the roleplayer shot her again.

It was very impressive, like watching someone derail a train in order to crash full-speed into a brick wall to see whether it has airbags. And then they backed the train up and immediately drove it into a second, bigger brick wall because maybe the airbags just hadn’t noticed.

4: I grew up in a city that consisted of 3 colleges and 5 high schools and not much else, so there was literally never any work available in the summer. One year, i sent out over 200 job applications and nobody wanted me. My mother decided this was because I was lying to her and secretly wanted a job in graphic design, so she drove me to every single print shop in the city to drop off my resume (nobody wanted my resume, modern print shops do not usually hire graphic designers). When one of the print shop owners finally came outside and explained this to her, she instead forced me to email a handful of indie game studios (specifically the makers of my various Special Interests) begging for internships. Thankfully no one responded. It remains the most embarrassing summer of my life and I hope and pray no one ever recognizes me.

5: I can't think of anything else because I am still reeling from embarrassment from that last one. Oh god. God. Fuck that.

5 but actually this time: When I was a small and delicate teenager, Steven Moffat shoved me at Comic Con. I already dislike him for plenty of more important reasons, but shoving me at Comic Con is why he’s on my list of mortal enemies.

Tagging: I'm not tagging anyone, but feel free to do this if you so desire

#fish babblings

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okradreamworl · 5 years

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i have too much sans rp experience you cant understand how this feels

i know every dialogue, every neutral ending,... ugh i just wanna spat out every evidence i have. i have a love/hate on sans. im NOT a fangirl, im more of an observer roleplayer. i do NOT support any sans x ships, but that doesnt mean i am against them. if you strongly hate that ship when im on the MIDDLE on that ship (meaning i dont mind the ship yet you’re still yelling at me to stick to one side), please know I SEE ALL OTPS AS FRIENDSHIPS. i do not like romanticized nor sexual types of ships. I do NOT RP SANS AS A PEDOPHILE OR OTHER NSFW LABELS. I like to make sans stick to the canon, but at the same time, add some headcanons that appear to be family friendly but NOT NSFW FANON. he can be childish at times and why? he doesn’t make jokes, stated on undertale’s tumblr. he only does harmless pranks and hilarious yet horrible puns. i hate puns, but i make him pun cause he likes it more than me.

his mood levels is very interesting. under the mask, he can feel many other emotions than what he expresses to us. im not saying he’s an empath (though that would be rlly cool yet stressful), but slacking off too much comes from too much bs happening around him, including the timelines. he fights back when necessary. he gets offended easily (unless he knows the memes).

too happy = hyper, OOC, many exclamation points, excited, kinda reaches the peak of underswap

happy = warm attitude, thankful, calm, peaceful,

neutral = in-game functions (papyrus did say “THATS JUST HOW HE FUNCTIONS” in a phone call at snowdin, he has lazy habits caused by the code of the game)

on negative emotions, he tries not to lose his cool:

nervous = sweat, silently surprised, somewhat a high level of anxiety, confused, curious

upset = disappointed, frustrated, agitated (mix of the two, nervous and upset), bored, sassy, sarcastic (when he ironically HATES sarcasm cause he thinks sarcasm is unfunny), mild words,

some deep ones, such as the MTT resort and judgment hall scenes

stoic = thoughtful, resilient, deep, calm, self-reflective, productive, creative

hands in pockets = confident, a little arrogant

left wink = bad time

right wink = friendly comedian

what i applied to him thus far:

out of character traits: playful, hyper, excited, childlike, forgetful type of innocent (“whats a [bad word]” “I tHoUghT yOu kNew?!!?!?!,” “no i forgot” “*alphys crying in the corner of confusion*”)

out of character acts: crying like a baby, screaming on wild rides, freaks out with a manly “HYaH!”, imitates animals, does his “ehhhhhhh” when gazing around, wanders around, waddles like a penguin, will hug you (like a kid that would hang on to their mother’s leg), doesnt wanna be left out, wants to try new things out of curiosity, complete mind of a child unless reminded of in-game events or other topics that could bring him back to normal, germophobic at times as woshua, meme surfing, gamer, good sport

in character, in-game traits: self-aware, relaxed. laid back, comedic, lazy, magical, goofy, silly, friendly deep, serious, scared, anxious, jealous, nilhilistic, hopeless. depressed, pressured, stressed.

in-character, in-game acts (and im not getting this from zarla’s old skeleton ACTs comic):

sneak

greet

trick

alert

annoy

pun

assure

joke warn

listen

spin

advice (blue stop sign)

guess

assure

tell

place puzzle

trick

react

papyrus fact

stare

papyrus fact

ask

react

worry

work

ask (grillbys)

slack

lie

ask (dinner)

story

Think

continue

Death Glare

Explain

Judge

call

root

text

cry (“help i’m getting slandered”)

text

dismiss

glimpse

leave

ride

at least, thats only pacifist.

my username is not sans worthy but i can tell you im a good sans roleplayer. heck, i even have my own sans who self-disciplines me, or i roleplay him myself irl. its harmless, cause he isn’t real. i affect his character more than his influence and traits affect me. i completely ruined him into a better person, he’s very happy now and got along more with his friends. i even made papyrus not yell at him anymore. i made these monsters have... a happy life.

any questions or concerns, pm or ask. also, if you see any undertale or deltarune chats, invite me. i know a lot about it, and have headcanons to share too.

if this post makes you think i outsans’d you, please dont look at it that way, otherwise you’re just jealous the same way as feeling how artists are better than you. we all have our ways how we view, act, and use characters like sans, as we all have an art style that can be unique and improved overtime, BOTH by inspiration from other fandom and art content. some rp his genocide side, some like me rp his bright side. this isn’t a canon character roleplay competition.

people can be so sensitive and raging mad sometimes, i dont mean to be so braggy or too honest, this is all from what i know about sans and how i rp him

#undertale #sans #sans undertale #undertale sans #sans the skeleton #my rp experience

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cxncordia · 5 years

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So, am I still in hiatus?

Sorta.

First of all, what happened?

Last night, on the gay smut server, I gave a “gossip” about a topic that came up: it was something I have heard from another friend regarding the topic. And from there on invoked a discussion about social issues in media. My big problem with these discussions of social issues in media is that they tend to turn into a “woke metric” to see which shows deserve more laurels for being more “woke”. After the discussion happened and I was online again, I mentioned my opinion. Sarcastically, sure, but an honest opinion nonetheless. Somebody else mentioned how what I said had nothing to do with the topic and then I elaborated again on it. I stood by my point on a second paragraph, mentioning that things needed to be looked at in context. I didn’t want to keep on discussing, so I went ahead and deleted those messages because, there was no real reason for them to be kept there.

After this discussion I went to get a haircut, but I noticed I could not reach one but two of the indie roleplaying servers I was inside. I thought it was an error, but still asked a friend about it.

Turns out that I was banned.

When I came back from my haircut my friend sent me screenshots of the discussion that happened. Not only was I banned, but I was made out an exhibition and there were some other people adding in very nasty things and unfounded actions that supposedly I did.

I was mad, so for that very reason I came back here, put everything on hiatus and took a step off. I was very close to delete because this is the last straw on a series of times that this shit happened.

But after taking a moment, reading a few books that I have on this kind of situation and taking a moment to myself, I decided that no, I was not going to take a hiatus. One, I like writing and this is something that is inherently me. Two, I have friends in here that I like to keep on touch with and people that were interested in my well being. Three, there’s a lot to be said here and I will use this space to say it.

---

I admit discussions like this aren’t that uncommon in the server and I usually have strong opinions about them. I have also differing opinions at times and I mention them. I admit not having always the best words or sometimes being very sarcastic. Maybe something gets lost in the translation when I’m not being sarcastic? (Because I think a lot of people forget that English IS my second language) Maybe it’s my way of being? It’s not the first time I’ve been called “abrasive” or “combative”.

But it’s also something that I admit I like about being me. As a gay man growing up in a hyper macho family, inside a city that kills people for less than pennies and in a country that still repaints white over rainbow walk lines on the roads during Pride, being combative is the only way of being. Letting someone walking over you is just not an option. And while I admit this is not an excuse, there is also a lot of misjudgement here. You’re also forgetting that I come from a generation that did not have any rights whatsoever and that could not do what many can do now. Gays in my time were a plot twist, a side note, or a thing you translated as “cousins”. So yes, I’m combative.

The server is also forgetting that many times this combative behavior has helped me and them. Or how many times my response came out of provocation. Once when dealing with a horrible troll that was taking screenshots out of our server, creating unnecessary drama and targeting another rper. And another time when I went to the admin asking him to remove a very aggressive roleplayer in the past (who took everything literally and made every single discussion about them). The first time I had to close the server because I was not going to have someone like that. The second time I was told by the admin that they were onto “doing something.” I don’t know if they did or not, but the rper left on their own hand.

Same thing when I was the admin of the server: I had to be there, settle a bunch of discussions and arguments directly with the individuals starting them, from having to face the “selfie leak” (where people were posting their nudes) and the “actor leaks” (where people were posting actors leaks) as well as facing some racist and misogynistic roleplayers. To do all that, I needed that “combative” spirit in order to get down to the bottom of things and set things on their right place for the good of everyone. So yeah, my combative behavior has helped me and has, to a degree, helped the server.

I will admit that I’m aggressive. But I will also admit that I’m not stupid or rigid. When conversing with others and expressing their needs I’m the first one to adjust to their needs as best as I can. And that when being told that I need to correct something, I can do it (as long as within my limits, of course). And when admitting mistakes, I’m also the first one to do it. (Hence the reason to this post). That said: I think I was unjustly banned. I was not given a direct warning and I was blindsided. But I will not go down the rabbit hole of “conspiracy”, it this is true then to each their own.

The combative behavior is only half the problem and that’s on me, I will admit it. But there is also another half of the problem that needs to be addressed.

The other part is the fact that some people just don’t have the skills to call someone up on their “problematic” behavior and instead gang up together and come from behind. The other part of the problem resides in people preferring to adjust others to their experience than to take control of their own comfort (I admit that blocking someone up in discord is difficult because you only see big blocks of text, but hey, you still have control over your experience).

The other part of the problem definitely lays on the fact that the admin didn’t warn me directly at all before the ban came. The times it was done indirectly were so subtle I did not notice and that there was no reason to have been made a show after the ban. (Because also, the server is forgetting the times they “teased” me for being “old” or liking certain things. How they were aggressive and I punched back in retaliation. Are they banning these players on “lack of respect and rudeness” too?)

So with this in mind, some things need to be done:

I apologize to anyone who had a hard time because of my opinions. I admit not seeing how my words could be aggressive and how my behavior probably hurt you. On that, I acknowledge my actions and I’m sorry for hurting you. Know that it was not personal and when it was, it was probably taken privately. That said I still believe that you should do what’s best for you and take matters into creating your own positive experience (like blocking someone you don’t wanna read). I admit that it may be difficult on a place like a public discord server, and for that I apologize as well.

I apologize to anyone who was scared or that I ignored last night. I am sorry, you deserved better. I had no mind to respond to you so that’s why I was evasive. I hope you can find in yourselves to understand where I was coming from and why I did evade you.

Thirdly I apologize to Alex, the main admin of the gay server. I do not believe you did right. I do not believe you did correctly and that I was unjustly banned, but I will give you that it was better for you this way. You avoided any confrontation and any aggression by not facing me or warning me directly, so I can’t blame you for doing what you did. I apologize to you for releasing the content of our conversations. I don’t think I released anything private, but still, that was petty AF of me. At this moment, I still think this was unjust, but maybe in a month or a year I will not even look back at this opinion or give it as much weight as I’m giving it now. So for now, this “hollow” apology is probably the best I can come up with.

That said, I am a firm believer of making my own experience as comfortable as it is for me, so:

I am now fully private, which means that I’m not taking threads from anyone that I don’t know or haven’t talked through in the past few months. I am sorry, but I don’t want to be open at this moment.

I am taking it slow. Very slow. So I am making a slow comeback. It’s not fair to those that played with me and had no bearings in the server matter, so that’s why I’m returning. But I’m gonna go as easy as I can.

There’s a big chance that I’m restricting myself from playing with anyone associated with that server. I know that this is my pettiness again. So, I’m going to put on hold the threads of the people that I know are in the server and ask myself of this rule in a week to see how I feel.

I am not exposing my opinion on tons of matters and it’s very likely that I will unfollow those blogs that I know do a lot of these commentaries. I’m also unfollowing rpers who do tons of OOC posts. My problem is that I’m a very reactive individual that when reading something that is BS or simply doesn’t sit right with me, I will speak up. I realize that yeah, not everybody wants to read my opinion, but also that there’s a lot of misinformed people that I enjoy correcting. So, for both of our sakes I am doing something there.

So, lesson learned?

It’s too early to call it that. And it’s too early to call an epiphany. But know that I will keep my truth as best as I can and I will focus on cherish the people that do love me and support me.

#el griton: ooc

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nyanzaya · 5 years

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@heart-will-not-surrender inquired: Slowly puts @perspextivexx here

Send Me A URL and I’ll Respond With My Opinions…

Roleplaying/Writing

My favorite muse(s) of theirs and why: I like Briar and Lili honestly. I like Briar because literally she makes me laugh. She tries not to be emotional even though I think she is quiet emotional, especially when she and Iza get to talking and how Iza seems to just read into things she does or why she acts a way- like...he reads into what she might be trying to keep hidden about herself even if it might be incorrect and is just what Iza thinks of her and she gets her feathers all ruffled because some of it might be right and she doesn’t want to face that fact or it’s wrong but she still doesn’t like that he can get a good read on her. Then Lili, she’s so adorable. Her story is sad and it’s sad that she’s going to be a kitten forever and she’s going to watch everyone she loves grow older while she stays the same age. The angst material is real right there but it’s interesting to me because how often do you even hear of that happening to a muse? It’s the first time for me and I love her. My favorite interaction/thread of theirs: I can’t even lie or phase it I liked that really brief interaction between Iza and I think it was Maria? I remember her trying to make a deal with Iza, promising that his masters would be killed, but mistakenly said something about his 3rd, who was already dead and Iza just...belittled her? Like oof..iza...that was a demon you probably angered I’m surprised you’re still alive. I wouldn’t even blame her if she did kill him right then, even if he was for some reason valuable to her. Iza literally just “Oh, you couldn’t even get that information correct? You’re useless to me.” AT LEAST I’M SURE IT WAS MARIA-- if I have the completely wrong person LMFAO The one with Briar and Iza being domestic? Like, Briar playing with Iza when he was laying on the floor and she had a cat toy and he just would play but then get lazy. I thought that was adorable AF. My thoughts on their unique characterization/interpretation of their muse(s): Since they are Oc’s you can’t go wrong with them at all LOL I like how consistent they are though. They don’t ever feel like they are out of place or anything like that. My thoughts on their writing style as a whole: Considering you are on mobile? It’s honestly good writing lol I know it’s different writing on a computer than it is on mobile since I have written on mobile and god bless you I don’t know how you do it? I’m more of a multi-para person but I actually enjoy our stuff even if it’s 1 para or 3 Situation(s)/Plot(s) I’d love to see their muse(s) in: Oh gosh... okay. I think I want to see a situation where Lili has to deal with losing someone close after like years of knowing them. It might sound horrible and stuff but I’m genuinely curious of how she would cope, and react and I wonder if like, she would grow out of that mental innocence she has as a kid? Even though I think she is more like a cat since she literally was a cat when she died and was brought back as half-cat but I think it’s just something interesting to consider! Someone else I love seeing them interact with: I always find it funny to see Briar interact with Izaya, the specific one she interacts with LOL it’s just always fun to see it on my dash. Anything else I want to say about their roleplaying: I’m really impressed! Like, it’s admirable to me because I find it so hard to rp on mobile and you are doing it and making it look so easy lol I’m literally just spoiled and like to use icons //cri but even without them I still really enjoy my boys interacting with yours regardless of being iconless or not!

If We Know Each Other

What I Think Are Their Best Qualities: tbh your determination I think it really admirable. Your ambition to write and further develop your characters is great What I Think Are Their Strengths: Communicative, especially when it’s for something important. Super friendly, sweet and creative<3<3 A Memorable OOC Interaction Of Ours: Oh gosh.. we don’t actually talk all that much lol but we do talk in the tags sometimes and I do remember us dying over how cute domestic!Iza and Briar were Why Others Should RP With Them: Because their characters are interesting! I think it would def be worth it to write with them because they can throw their characters into just about any situation! How Others Should Approach Them: I honestly, don’t remember how we started interacting but the best thing to do is to just, slide into the DMs and ask! I’m sure they would love to do just about anything lol Other Roleplayers I’d Recommend To Them: oh gosh... I’m not sure what fandoms you are in? I think you would love songcode’s Psyche! Or uhm... if you’re into free my husbando’s multimuse for it is great too and they also have other fandom’s that isn’t just free<3 Anything else I want to say about them: THEY ARE AMAZING PLEASE! GIVE THEM A CHANCE YOU WON’T REGRET

If We Have/Plan To Interact Together

A plot I’d like to write with them: Oh gosh.... I’m horrible with plots LOL uhhm... I’m really good at winging it though :”> Honestly feel free to send any like, rp memes and prompts I’d always find a way to work it out most of the time if I can’t then I’d def let you know lol A muse I want to introduce to them: I don’t really have a muse I can introduce to you I’m sorry asdfjkasdf I know there’s Asher and Aiko but LOL They are more...side characters than anything and they would need Zuo there to “properly” interact with A ship/broship I’d like to propose to them: mmm.... I’m not really sure lol It’s hard for me to say. I’m sorry LOL Rosalina and Iza would be an interesting bro/professional-relationship that you proposed A thread with them I’m excited about: The one with Iza, Briar and Lili! I think it’ll be fun lol Briar gets to see Iza being a mom asdfjas and taking care of a kitten ASJDFKASD HELP BRIAR ACTUALLY SEEING A SOFTER SIDE TO IZA BYE Anything else I want to say: BLESS YOUR SOUL IM GLAD TO SEE YOU ON MY DASH AND IM PROUD OF YOU!

#this took longer than i thought aklsdjfasdf #perspextivexx‌#heart-will-not-surrender

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makotokino · 6 years

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sunguard - one year

It’s mind boggling to me to realize that I’ve been back in WoW for over a year. When I left at the beginning of WoD, I was pretty certain I was never coming back. The game had lost a lot of love in my heart, partially because of personal circumstances but overall, I was burnt out. BFA’s trailer brought me back in November of 2017, and I spent some time on the outskirts until I poked my head into S.O.S. While the experience was great, I do have some mixed feelings on it now - but one thing I am grateful for is that it brought me to the Sunguard.

This past year has been an absolute boon for me in a lot of ways. Being a member in Sunguard has challenged me creatively, and looking back over my writings last year to now - I can already see an improvement. Not just in how I write, either, but how I create. I spend so much time brainstorming with stories I love, and that’s lead to so much more creativity even outside of Warcraft writing. I’ve started writing original content again, I’ve picked up painting; I’m excited to challenge myself in the future because I feel confident and creative. For someone who has struggled with creativity and especially feeling confidence in my work, this is so wonderful.

Y’all have given me a place to create and express my characters, to grow their stories. So many parts of Sanarissa - a character I’ve been writing for eight years - have grown into something more nuanced, complex, and interesting. I’ve also had the opportunity to create more characters who I love, which I’ve never really done before - being someone who focused only on my main.

So I wanted to say thanks - to everyone I communicate with, write with, and share the experience of TSG with on a daily basis. I also have a few special thank you’s because I’m a giant sap. But for now, thank y’all for this amazing year and I can’t wait for more.

The Officer Corp, with special thanks to Felth @felthier, Jess @jessipalooza, Mel @stormandozone, and Azzy @azriah: From the first moment applying to the Sunguard, the officers made me feel welcome and wanted. That was a huge thing for me. Along the way, y’all have always been supportive, attentive, and nice to talk to. Especially the four of you I mentioned, I feel like I can always come to at least one of you with questions or concerns. So thank you, for making the guild a great place for not only me but everyone else - and for always being there to answer my (sometimes) dumbass questions. Not to mention y’all inspire me so much with your work.

Tiah / @forever-afk: Tiah, you are one of the reasons I joined TSG to begin with. Between you and Thomas after S.O.S., that’s really what pushed me forward. I know we haven’t gotten to RP in a loooong time due to our own lives not meshing, but I’m still so glad Sana and Vaelrin are buddies.

Aimee / @thanidiel: I know we don’t talk super often but I am very glad to have you around to jabber at, get advice and critique from, and joke around with. Having you around during S.O.S. was a boon, and I’ve enjoyed being able to make old MG veterans memes with you sometimes. You inspire me so much to be a better writer, creator, roleplayer, dude.

Cari / @retributionpriest: So I was devastated when Lirelle died without ever really getting the chance to interact, besides like one social event with a couple sentences, because of my own Anxiete. But I am soooo so so so glad that we’ve started talking and roleplaying a little back and forth. Being able to chat with you over Elementalist stuff and the brief RP we’ve been able to do has been so fun. I look forward to so much more in the future.

Harm / @thelaughingvulture: Fave Light cultist, bar none. But honestly, Brae is such an interesting character and I love her and despite the constant Brea/Brae confusion, I am glad we’ve gotten to talk and RP more over the last few weeks. I’m SAD that Sana is a traitor again, but the interactions we are keeping were so good - plus we’ll have bards we can write, or Light nerds. I’m super excited to keep on truckin as your buddy.

Veli / @ocarina-of-what: Hi. I love you. RP with me at some point. No, but really, having gotten to know you a little bit over the past few weeks has been absolutely incredible. You’re such a gem and a darling, I love you to pieces already. I hope we get to know each other much better AND ACTUALLY GET TO RP SOON. LOVE YOU.

Matt / @captainswingbeard: Hello, I know I’m a horribly slow RP partner, but your kind words and genuine interest in my stories are so wonderful and great. I was soooo surprised when you took interest in wanting to RP with me but it’s been so fun and interesting. I love reading your stories and I’m so interested in how everything will play out for the Old Man. And I swear, I’ll reply soon (unless I already have because I wrote this ahead of time - ha!)

Larry / @trained-trainwreck: I genuinely cannot like, preface enough how much your friendship means to me. You are one of my best TSG buddies and you mean a lot to me. We are Team Southern America and that’s important to me to have someone who comes from a similar background and history that I can share my experiences with. On top of that, being able to write with you is one of my favorite things, despite us not having much time to do so. Larry and Sana’s parallels are so interesting and I’m sorry she has yet again betrayed his trust. Also, I love big murder boy and I swear, at some point, I will be able to accept your invitation to level in ESO together.

Jase / @veloestian: Hey. You mean a lot to me. I know I communicate to you in gently bullying terms a lot, but you’re a dear friend to me. I love writing with you even though I’m slow and a horrible partner. You were the first person I wrote Melori with and so much of her grew from the interactions we had early on. You help me feel better when I’m sad and you send me dumb memes and I love that. You’re a good bean and I cherish you.

Gibby / @please-respond: Bridge troll or not, you are like my brother. My horrible gremlin brother who I sometimes want to kill, but brother nonetheless. Our relationship has been based a lot more off of friendship than RP, which makes me sad sometimes - but I’m glad we’re getting to RP and write together. I love the things you create, I love the opportunities you’ve given me towards my character arc for Sana, and I’m thankful for all the advice and talks we’ve had. Thank you.

Archer / @pyrosophist: Hey. Hey Archer. Hi. You’re my favorite fetus in the universe probably. I am so, so honored and consider myself truly lucky to count you as one of my closest RP partners. Of course, I can talk about Team Fel and how much I have loved seeing them grow from enemies to tenuous allies to friends to lovers to ENEMIES AGAIN, how much their natural, organic growth has fascinated me, how much their parallels hurt my soul, how much I enjoy writing them with you and what will come of it in the future.

But there’s so much more than that. It’s become routine to just talk to you everyday, about creation and headcanons and ideas - you have such a creative energy and you inspire me by even being near you. Digging into headcanons and character work with you and throwing ideas at the wall to see what sticks has quickly become one of the highlights of my day; right alongside of planning what kind of stupid shit we can do in roll20. I even love hurling stupid pinterest posts and songs at you, it’s all part of the friendship.

Being able to share lore, ideas, AU’s, and RP with you means so much to me. You’ve made such an impact on my time in the Sunguard, and I can’t thank you for that enough. I can’t wait to see the storylines you unfold, now and in the future, and be there to experience them. Also, you always draw me wonderful things and I cry a lot.

Thomas / @jonathan-nevermore-smith: I had to save you for last, goober. From the moment we started writing together a year ago, I knew that I was in for something special. Writing Ash and Sana with you has been a rollercoaster that I have been happy to be on, even now. They mean so much to me. You’ve given me so much opportunity to revisit and grow the character that I love so much.

But it isn’t just Sana. Because of your brilliant ideas, I’ve gotten to create multiple characters that I love and adore. It was your urging that pushed me to make Melori a fully-formed, true character. It was your fanon lore that brought me Zaerise. You’ve always encouraged my ideas and thoughts, even when I thought they were extra. You’re always excited to talk with me about things - and that means so much to me.

You’ve let me take a lot of your fanon and just run with it. Being able to work out the religion, culture, and history of the Ridges - its customs and what makes it tick - has been such a fulfilling thing for me to do. Not to mention the Coven, and how much I love and adore them and all that you’ve let me do with your inkling of an idea.

You’re way more than an RP partner though. You are one of my best friends. Talking to you everyday just feels like part of the routine - always have to check in and talk with Thomas. You’ve become such a common point of reference in my life. You share my Hulu account with the real life squad. You’ve been there for me in some of my hardest points this year; you’ve listened to me cry, heard me drunk, and you’ve been there for me every moment in between. I’m more thankful for you than I can easily put into words. So thank you, Thomas, for a year of amazing friendship and roleplay, and here’s to so many more.

#tsg #ilu guys

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imheretomakeyousick · 5 years

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GUESS WHAT

“WE ARE BACK!” Febris screamed so loud all the street could hear. Luckily the area was deserted already. Thrax’s low grunts from the inpact were lost in the little pest’s high voice. It makes itself comfortable on the ground, tilting its head as seriousness spread through its whole posture.

“So the thing is; we had to keep fleeing from all the cities we’ve had taken residence in right after we arrived, ‘cause of some shitty cop that had trailed us every. Damned. Time. I swear, there were weeks where I couldn’t get a moment of sleep. It was horrible!” it whines. “Anyway, we made some changes during those months, and after finally getting the sufficient amount of rest and planning, we are back in action, baby!”

Thrax looks at it in a scornful way, but remains silent.

“First and most important is: mun made a new tumblr account - despite all the crap the site’s staff pulled - so my roleplayer and my personal life can be separated. Check it, check the new multimuse blog out. (There’ not much there yet tho - it’s multimuse but I’m such a greenhorn idk how anything works yet haha, but please feel free to interact with anyone!!!)

Second: drawing style is totally random and costantly changing due to the attempts at becoming a better artist and trying new things. The fact that this blog will be managed as text-based with some icons and a few pictures won’t change. Just haven’t figured out a pretty AND quick way to draw answers. Point is that don’t be surprised whatever shit I pull out of my sleeves.

Third: if you didn’t end up hating me during the hiatus, and want to continue a thread we started before or want to start a new one or just wanna chill and talk, shoot an ask here or contact me via private messages~

I will try to be more active, I promise. Emphasis on try. I’m still a trash person tralalala.”

Febris stands up and bows. It flails its hand at its back, trying to grab the virus and pull him over.

“With all that said, please take care of us, once again.”

SEE YOU AROUND MY LOVELIES

#disease vector - mun talks #incubation period is OVER #now let's get down to business #I'M SO FUCKING SORRY I'M SUCH A BAD PERSON *SOBS*#i just had to take care of some rl shiiiit and it was uglyyyyy aughhnhng #my english is still bad or even worse idk #i should look up some online classes *shrugs*#and yea me not being able to shut my mouth in the tags is still a thing haha #but the fact i'm so happy to be here again stands - i was smiling the whole time i was drawing and writing #i missed the big guy so much

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sunnysynthsunshine · 6 years

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3rd Comedy Monologue

“Do any of you remember Rugrats?”

“The 90s cartoon about talking babies that went on adventures”

“Yeah well you know Angelica the whiny,spoiled character?”

“I actually kind of liked her maybe it’s because I related to her when I was little or maybe it’s because I liked how cool she was she was able to tell the babies about stuff they didn’t know about, playing a part in their imagination.”

Anyways speaking of children,they’re alright and they are usually one of the following

“Mummy Daddy why do they get to pick a sweet not me what did I do?”

“Waaaa I want that I want that”

“Hi there, do you want to play?

“Your good at art,I couldn’t draw like that”

“Thank you young soul you are too pure for this world”

Me on the other hand,was a whinging cowardly little sod

Now I’m not a child anymore but I am still mistaken as one

Yeah,that happens

17/18 years old,old enough to vote,old enough to drive,old enough to move house & old enough to realise my phases of being a tory “skeptic” were pointless

Yet sometimes people still think I’m someone who likes ice-cream,toys and video games

Well I mean I do like those things I’m sure some of you like those things too

We are children at heart but physically and mentally we evolve and learn with time

I’ll be an young adult,and I love it I might not have a place of my own yet but I love being able to learn new things and see new places I couldn’t see when I was a kid.

Then again my teenhood wasn’t that good either because I had a developmental condition that made me different than others mentally,my interests were very intense and I got panic feelings when around crowds or in difficult situations

My primary school classmates liked JLS,Partying and other things that I didn’t like or couldn’t do

While now I’m warming up to certain things I’m still happy I didn’t like JLS.

I on the other hand, liked the sims 3,dolls,the 1980s,old cartoons and films.

So...a game where you become God,plastic models,the age of neon graphic design, and innovative video games and...yeah that hasn’t changed has it?

Well I don’t play the sims anymore,my laptop has no cd rom drive,I used up the data on my old one, from downloads I’d buy from the exchange store

Sims also was one of the few things that got me into my “emo” phase

I’d be looking at sims videos on youtube they’d usually be very sad and in the background there’d be evanescence,my chemical romance or avril lavigne

I’d be sitting at the back of the living room at a gathering and I’d be listening to Sims 2 sad story part 1 because it had good music. I later learned the names and that I was a bit of a goth,a emo,a metalhead because I liked gothic and j-metal any of that.

Dolls…..

now this was embarrassing I’m sure we all have those songs where as soon as you hear them you feel a film reel of negative memories return. For me that was

Barbie Girl by Aqua, weird because aqua are a good band,but that song oh that song it was so annoying

Picture this

Someone in their final primary school years, who still collects dolls,

Now! Would you ignore that or would you use that outdated song as a way to mock them because they were still enjoying a thing, meant for children.

I received the latter,because of that when I’d hear people sing that song simply just because they liked it I’d get confused and offended a similar thing happened with my little pony

I used to sing and perform for people in the playgrounds other times I’d keep to myself

I loved my little pony before the new wave I loved rewatching episodes of the old 80s mlp series of goblins,witches and giants...oops that was a different show I was describing there

And one of the songs I’d perform was the original theme song

My Little Pony~ My Little Pony~

What will today’s adventure be?

My Little Pony…My Little Pony

Will there be exciting sights to see?

Nope to some of my primary school audience the lyrics were

“My little pony skinny and boney”

*sarcastic deadpan laugh*

Ha ha ha,

Then again I wasn’t much better

I used to make youtube videos with those “dolls”

They weren’t very good

They had bad editing and barely any plot beyond badly structured fourth wall jokes

Yet I wanted the whole internet to know about them even if they weren’t interested

I was a easy target and while I did get tired of that,change interests and go into a different fandom direction

Some things were still the same

I was still cowardly,weak and timid and that was a problem

I was always following others,I didn’t make my decisions often,because of the condition and my own loneliness I couldn’t do things other teenagers could.

I never had a sleepover,I never had a crush that wasn’t one-sided and I didn’t have much independence

Even when I did have “friends” those friends I would later learn were not nice making me believe I had wasted years that I couldn’t get back.

On...the topic of regrets, dance something I sometimes enjoy but when I studied performing Arts it was what I dreaded…

Note I’m ok with anyone who does like to dance,party or do any of those things

I would just try to take part like everyone else but many times I was put aside or embarrassed in front of the others because of either me having a meltdown or because “my timing was off”

Yes,he did teach me some cool moves and I am more supple now but that was the content and even if I was crap I knew it and tried to practice

Everyday I’d practice each technical exercise and routine but it was still not good enough.in fact it was because of that and other reasons that I couldn’t do that course anymore

All because of,of….Craig Revel Hor not him but he was like him.

Because of that I had to take saturday dance classes...those weren’t fun

The most fun I had was from the songs we danced to and the few positive examples of small talk I attempted with the people there.

Otherwise it was not good...me and little kids specifically loud hyper kids don’t always go well when in the same place..again my timing was off it wasn’t told but I could tell

One of the moments I hated the most was the headshot day

Now we were supposed to just be getting photos taken but the photographer noticed I was shorter than she thought.I laughed it off because I know I’m short but then what did she say in response…

“Your a wee bit vertically challenged”

EXCUSE ME

Now,I may be short but in a class of kids and teens of different ages and heights I was far from the shortest person there.

When I was a teenager I wasn’t a proper teenager the only things that made me a teenager was my age,my angsty attitude and the drama I got into involving political meme posters and anime roleplayers.

The less I say about that the better

So while all the “adults” were telling me to beware of the adult years because of

Oooh responsibilities...ooooh independence ooooh….education

Honestly it’s ok for me so far I’m a fairly organized person so studying is good,I did a assistant stage managing gig for a west side story production which was class by the way and I think i’ll feel a lot happier as a adult.

I have not much to mock about today my political jabs are sometimes good other times they’re like a bad Ben Elton joke on Saturday Live.

“Ha teresa may is like the wicked queen from snow white when she’s in disguise”

yeah? …..and You look like you could front the band Wings mate

(pause)

Speaking of a bad Ben Elton joke

“Oh I never really understood the whole “comedy” business I always prefered being a bit of a writer and I think now with Bohemian Rhapsody being out that those critics will think

We Will Rock You wasn’t that bad.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a show that layered it’s satire of the mainstream establishment under a sitcom narrative about alternative young adult characters where the comedy was good

for once

Once in every life time

Comes a moment like this

Oh I need you, you need me,

Oh my darling can't you see.

Young Ones.

Darling we're The Young Ones.

The Young Ones.

That show,oh I only watched last year but I have so many words

The jokes,the satire,the characters,the setting,the fact it still holds up

I found that show at the right time

It was august 2017

I had finished my GCSE’s,I had left a manipulative friendship and I felt horrible

When I’d go to the cinema people were making noise and I would remember the panic more than the film itself *coughs* Spiderman homecoming

I felt like I didn’t know how to laugh anymore

Summertime sadness

When edgy me came across ben elton’s ronnie barker memorial lecture

Being a fan of Porridge and Open All hours I listened and after hearing about a certain sitcom I started watching...The Young Ones...and it was out of this world

I roared with laughter with each episode,I related to the characters and I felt a connection of some sort

Researching more about the “alternative comedy” genre and I saw a familiar name

I learned I had seen some of his work before,he was the andrex puppy,he was in that king Arthur cartoon and he was in that drop dead fred movie I didn’t watch just because internet critics said it was one of the biggest cinematic flops ever….

Yet I never knew his name until then and I’m still not over that

I looked up his other work,where he was richie,richie rich,lord flashheart and a b’stard of a conservative

(which I would later try to do an impression of, on my final girls brigade show.)

So many thoughts,so many emotions he changed my life

Many things and people have. He is one of them

his work was incredible and iconic and his mantras are very inspirational and useful. He made me realise a lot of things about life,my love of his work also resulted in me meeting most of the friends I have now.

It’s 2019 and I’m now the anarchist I always wanted to be,I’m out of my shell, a bat out of hell,I followed others for too long but I’m my own person now that’s who I will always be

Now say it with me Young Ones..

You shouldn't be afraid.

To live, love, there's a song to be sung.

Cause we may not

Be The Young Ones

very long.

Oh,Doctor Rik.Mayall we miss you,you bastard

The world wasn’t as much of a crap place when you were there to cheer us up

But your still here spiritually in her hearts

As you said yourself we still have your shows and poems

Now! all you punks,skins,rastas,emos,hipsters,creators,viewers,performers,entertainers,observers and fellow peoples poets

let’s gather round and hold our hands in sorrow for our fallen leader

Love is the answer! Goodnight

#monologue #comedy #original monologue

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aecorus · 6 years

Text

As I approach 800 followers (I know, crazy right?), I wanted to take the time to share my experiences as not just a member of the Fate RPC, but as a roleplayer as a whole. Be warned, there is some triggering content ahead, because not all of my experiences were pleasant ones. Trigger warnings will be tagged, but look out for grooming, bullying, suicide, and depression.

I first started officially roleplaying on deviantart (before I had just done things with close friends) when I was about 12 years old. It has been a constant n my life since then, and with my 17th birthday on the horizon, it will be 5 years since I first started this hobby. Back then, I was excited, perhaps a little too excited for my own good. Shortly after I began roleplaying, I was messaged by someone who seemed extremely nice. Being naive, I agreed to join a roleplay board they had started.

Little did I know, it was grooming. These 17, 18 year olds (or perhaps older) were smutting with minors and convincing them that it was alright to act this way. Being new to roleplaying and eager for attention, I latched on without knowing how terrible it was. Only a couple of months had gone by and I learned that it was awful, horrible thing. I left the group and never looked back, eventually even abandoning my old roleplaying accounts and former main accounts because these people were still pursuing me.

I assumed a new alias, and resurfaced as a roleplayer. At the same time, I was being tormented relentlessly at school. Roleplaying was my only escape from what I went through every day, it was a lifeline I desperately clung to. Because of the torment, my grades were suffering, and as a result, I was cut off from technology. With my escape cut off, I felt so alone, unloved, unwanted. I attempted suicide multiple times. My parents discovered my suicidal attempts and depression and took me to therapy, with the threat of hospitalization looming over my head because of just how bad I had become.

Things began to look up when we moved away from the area, and I was put in a school that I not only excelled in, but also put emphasis on individual attention. It was around this time that I began roleplaying on tumblr. My first account here was of a Megaman OC who I was very fond of. I was still in therapy and still had severe depression, but it looked as though things were looking up. It all came to a head when I was nearly bedridden for an illness, where I was in bed for 2 weeks to recover (I am still suffering the effects of this illness even today, where it has manifested into Tietze syndrome). I could do little else than turn pages and swipe on my phone. It was then I discovered Brave Frontier, and where I became known as Maxie because of one of the characters in the game.

I began to settle into my niche and began roleplaying as Brave Frontier muses, where I eventually met one of my best friends and first joined Citta. I fell away from roleplaying briefly during my freshman year so I could focus on my schoolwork, but my interest was fully revitalized by the summer of last year. There I met another amazing friend (who I recently met in person) and soon joined the Fate rpc as Vivian.

Vivian was a wonderful, but experimental muse for me. I was used to playing young, female characters with little to be emotionally attached to, and now I was roleplaying a mother with multiple chips on her shoulder. Life went on and I continued to grow in confidence with Fate muses.

Then February came by.

I was in an extremely bad spot. The stresses of school and my obligations were really starting to kick into high gear, and soon depression and anxiety began to assault me in full once again. I attempted suicide by trying to overdose on pills, but I didn’t swallow enough and just ended up falling asleep. I was taken to therapy once again and began taking anti-depressants.

After school one day, I’m on discord and suddenly I get a message from a friend asking if I’m okay. I say yes and ask why, only to find out I had been called out and namedropped by someone I looked up to and considered a friend. I was crushed. They did it over a reason that could have easily have been fixed over private messaging and communication, but instead attempted to ruin my reputation and cut me off.

After coming off hiatus in the aftermath of February, I had been lonely and unwanted. I was desperate to see someone who saw me as a friend, and thankfully, you all were here to support me. And now here I am, still slowly recovering from the emotional trauma and trying to get over my past and trying to look toward a better future.

I thank you all for sticking with me throughout all of this and I thank you for being shoulders to cry on. Without you, I may still be on a hiatus, or even worse, buried six feet under. This road has been a rough one, but there was so much good that outweighed the bad. I can’t say there are things I don’t regret, but I can say that roleplaying has been, and will continue to be, the ride of my life.

#' the maiden sleeps ' | ooc #tw suicide #tw grooming #tw bullying #tw depression

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musesonawhim · 4 years

Text

about Clarke Griffin

previously written on bearingitforthem

characters I’d like for her to interact with: primarily Bellamy since I'm bringing her back to change what canon did, and also because I will only have a few versions of the other characters, since I write Clarke a bit canon divergent and fighting back when antagonized by friends and I'm not sure of how many roleplayers will accept that. But I’d like to write with Raven, Murphy, Echo, Emori, Madi, Abby, Octavia, Diyoza roleplayers who don’t hate Clarke and would like to basically write aus/canon divergences and less depressing/fighty things?

icons: none for now

starter call here

canon divergences/my hot takes, which I need you to read before signing up to this:

-I won’t write any of that s7 super depressing stuff, I will only write things that lead to a happy ending. That by the way includes AUs where Praimfaya didn’t happen (Madi came into her life eventually in some other ways), where she got into the ring, where someone else stayed with her in the meadow, where season 5 was actually solved in some peaceful way, basically anything that doesn’t involve constant big plots and pain and focuses more on characters and healing.

-I don't write her when in the middle of being in love with Lexa because I don't ship them. There might be threads where Clarke didn't forgive her or at least decided to play nice to keep peace but didn't develop romantic feelings for her, not after Finn and Mount Weather, though of course if we write threads set later on the relationship happened. But Finn will be mentioned as much as Lexa when it comes to past loves, they both broke her heart when still alive and while one was ripped from her by accident, the other had to be killed by her to save everyone else. Both are big traumas.

-That said, Clarke is still bisexual. Beside having fallen in love with Lexa by default when we write threads after s3 and having hooked up with Nylah, she feels attraction for both men and women even in universes where we skip Clarke staying in Polis and she and Lexa don’t make up. Clarke loving Bellamy in most threads doesn't erase the fact that she's bisexual. Going to be honest, Murphy/Clarke is my guilty ship so if you ever think you could be interested in a big au that would lead to it let me know.

-Wells was incredibly important to her, and she mourns him for years and remembers him fondly after Praimfaya, mentioning him every now and then because platonic love is just as important as romance, and Wells was there her whole life, her best friend.

-Blood doesn't make family and Madi is Clarke's daughter even if obviously there are no legal documents involved. She took a child in and raised her for six years. Madi comes first. She's still a child, one not raised to be a warrior, much less a commander, and Clarke will ALWAYS have a problem with the flame being put in her head and with the attempted kidnapping so Madi could lead an army, if we write that happening.

-unlike in canon, when Raven, Echo, Shaw, and Murphy will bring up Clarke's past mistakes, she'll bring up theirs, and same with Bellamy even if not always and not as readily since she feels so guilty for the pain she caused him. When accused of not being loyal, she will also bring up the attempted kidnapping of Madi. When she apologizes to Bellamy over leaving him behind she means it, although she actually didn't have much of a choice seeing as Octavia canonically did not give her one and in fact sent a man to kill them both as well, proving that she was right in wanting to run. However she also expects Bellamy to regret giving Madi the flame, and will eventually bring it up again seeing as it led to horrible things happening to the child and Clarke is not a saint who can always bite her tongue.

-Other times Clarke will still be ready to take/accept full blame and 'be the bad guy'. That's just who she is and I'm not fully erasing it. She did 'bear it' so the others wouldn't have to.

-I'm not writing anything that has to do with her reunion with Bellamy in s7 nor after unless it's Clarke getting through him and convincing him to come back to their side. But we can skip it altogether and rewrite that season. In fact, we can rewrite any season. I'm also a fan of happiness if you are interested in those threads, and hurt/comfort, threads where someone is temporarily injured, and similar clichés that won't destroy any chance of a happy ending.

triggers you’ll find in her threads: Clarke has almost committed suicide several times and PTSD. However, unless she finds herself once again alone on a planet and about to die of thirst and hunger, or unless she’s under toxins again, I don’t predict her attempting it again. Her PTSD isn’t going anywhere unless Jackson turns out to be an amazing therapist and pharmacist.

Now you don't need to read this part, but here are SOME ideas of what we could rewrite together if you are a Bellamy:

-season 3, Clarke actually returning to the camp/being found by Bellamy. She's still traumatized and blaming herself and has become the gruff hunter we saw deal with Nilah, so she might actually come and go without warning but slowly reopen up to him

-season 3 in which she didn’t stay in Polis but Kane replaced her/no mess with Pike or she did stay but nothing happened with Lexa, it was a political move and nothing more

-season 4 there is no second end of the world coming and Clarke needs space again to deal with all traumas. She and other delinquents including Bellamy, or simply she and Bellamy take Becca's place. This is connected to my wish for happiness, domestic threads, and hurt/comfort, injures and so on

-season 4 when there is an end of the world coming and Clarke makes it back and goes to the ring. bonus: maybe Madi was found and brought to Polis early on during the ALIE situation and Clarke managed to bond with her before the end of the season, so she's coming with her

-season 4 where there is an end of the world and a second dose of night blood formula. Bellamy took it too so he could run back to get Clarke or earlier on. In any case he stays behind too and they are stuck on Earth together.

-season 5 in which Bellamy got ALL the radio calls Clarke sent but couldn't answer and when he manages to come down to earth it's also to look for her.

-season 5 same as above but maybe he comes back earlier or the Diyoza situation goes down more easily, point is: they can all settle down on earth again instead of having to run around without a second to breathe

-season 5 Clarke doesn't leave him behind but drives the car in their tent and takes Bellamy back because in this circumstances it's doable to do so and he's still there (she's furious though)

-season 6 in which Russel and company aren't body snatchers and let them stay, so they can finally build a life and deal with the past

-season 6 happens like before but there is no anomaly taking Octavia away again/Bellamy doesn't disappear and they deal with everything that has happened while making a new life instead of the season 7 we got

-season 7 is in the making but threads where Bellamy was simply kept in a cell, or he went through that adventure but talking to Clarke brought him back to himself

-anything except putting Clarke in the position of having to choose between letting Bellamy live and tell Cadogan about Madi or saving Madi, because I find IC that she chose the latter unless he tells her he won’t say a word and mean it.

#about clarke griffin #about clarke griffin page #about clarke griffin for mobile

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