#i still exist i've just been over on other blogs i had abandoned like a year ago

[blamebears]

my adhd brain is terrible at multi-tasking blogs omg but hi

[the-letterbox-archives]

is there a muse or inspiration you draw from when it comes to your stories? you just have so many and i’m wondering what fountain of immortal writing youth you drank from, dawg LMAO

last ask before signing off! but this is such a fun one to think about!

i don't have one surefire source of inspiration (other than my chronically silly brain), each story has a different landing pad that usually consists of a random thing that i've taken inspiration from, and a question to drive the work (some are very edgy or philosophical haha). they come from incredibly random sources, but i can list the ones i remember!

tales from a dying heart

where it came from: i wanted to write an anthology as a break from my old novella structure, and i was thinking about love. obviously i had to fuck it up because god forbid anything on the archives is happy. fun fact: that was originally the only story the archives was meant to hold! it was the first and only story, and the blog used to be themed after tales from a dying heart entirely (that's why my current pfp is still the heart itself)!

driving question: "why does love hurt people?"

the rockdove promise

where it came from: originally a group project that i had the idea for (i was itching to write something with mythology and more classic fantasy if that makes sense). when the others couldn't continue it, i had already fallen in love with the world and gods, so i added more to the worldbuilding, and added characters i was passionate about (and found my first ever character punching bag, laszlo).

driving question: "how can we save what we care about from oppressive control?"

insincere.

where it came from: i had one of my worst days where i couldn't get out of bed. i had the idea to channel the feelings into a story, so i got out of bed, and wrote insincere., then decided i wanted to keep it going after my initial bad day.

driving question: "how can we feel happy?"

on kingston alley

where it came from: someone, i think it was @noxxytocin, added me in a tag game that involved writing a scene with the provided line. i was a young, growing archivist back then and didn't understand the concept, so i wrote a short screenplay, giving it a fun mystery hook (because i felt like it) and some repressed sapphics, then decided to continue it because the format was so freeing!

driving question: "why do we forget the victims?"

school rules

where it came from: a novel i abandoned because the format wasn't clicking. i axed the mc, replaced them with sunny and remade the old mc to be what is now darcy spencer, and changed the format to my first ever first person story since my first novella!

driving question: "how does academic pressure hurt us?"

the dumaresq poems

where it came from: i was getting overwhelmed with my own expectations for uploads from the rest of volume 1, so i dug up some old poems of mine, rewrote them a bit, and put a cute woodsy aesthetic over it!

driving question: "how can poetry tell us emotional stories?"

the hunt is a dance

where it came from: another project with a friend that fell through, it didn't change much from then. i took the friends desired ideals of religious and folk horror and intertwined it with my own narratives of power, hatred, and misguided justice.

driving question: "why do we bend to corruption, and how can we stop?"

TITANSPINE

where it came from: @ominous-feychild and i were discussing some of her lore, and we both bonded over our love of telepaths/prophets in stories. i had always been fascinated by urban fantasy and had a vague desire to make it, but magic systems are so hard for me. that conversation sparked a drive to actually make it. i named it red velvet, then barlowe told me to change the it (thanks for that btw), and i created the protagonist that shaped the whole story and it's themes.

driving question: "how can we fight social and police corruption?"

n3xt y3ar

where it came from: scandal after scandal, feud after feud about the existence of generative ai and it snubbing real creatives tipped me over the edge, so i wrote n3xt y3ar out of spite, imbuing it with a main character near and dear to my heart due to our similarities, and a world i both loathe and fear. let's see a robot make a story with that motivation. fuckers.

driving question: "how do us creatives find hope in a world of generative ai?"

soleil éteint

where it came from: i wanted to write another fiction podcast style story (school rules technically being the first), and i was on a magnus archives high. i'm fascinated by fear in the real world, and dreams in writing, so with the motivation of some great fiction podcasts, i began writing soleil éteint, which flowed very quickly since screenplays and podcasts are quite easy for me to write as it turns out!

driving question: "how can we stop running away from fear?"

shatter the shield

where it came from: i realised i was long overdue for some tragic gays, and i wanted to experiment with a more distinct narrator without writing a fully discursive piece like a podcast or screenplay. as i was writing the prologue, i knew the narrator, kåre, wasn't the main character. but the love i gave him for the main character, roshan, was so palpable, it made me want to continue the story. i knew by how i wrote it that kåre was going to die, and soon, but i think that added an extra level to the themes of the story.

driving question: "why can't we accept love, and why can't we process grief?"

and of course, volumes 3 and 4 come from even more random places lmao- hope this explained my random writing process!

[nocturnesmoon]

Hello! I've been lurking on your blog for a little bit and I saw your vampire 141 reader and absolutely fell in LOVE, so I was wondering if youre at all able to write a similar prompt but with a Seraph(im) reader :D? If not, have a nice day and I hope you continue writing !!

Hi anon! I can certainly try, i hope this is what you meant by it, if not feel free to shoot in another request and i'd love to make more :)) Takes place in the same universe as this

How much trouble do you think you can get into for asking a few questions?

Just a few simple, seemingly innocent questions.

Apparently quite a lot, if you're the right (wrong) type of creature, born into the right (wrong) celestial plane, and in servitude to the right (wrong) god.

One would think that being among god’s favorites would be a blissful thing. Full of everything good in your servitude of the almighty. A seraph's magnitude of power, should bring glory and easy existence, right? A dream come true for some, more akin to a family nightmare in reality.

A court of angels built for hope and peace, to fight the forces of evil, but what about when the forces of evil are your fallen brothers and sisters? The same people who were once the closest to you, all thrown away the moment they did something they weren't supposed to.

One of those things being the creation of monsters that now live in shadows on the mortal realm. Incredible how one drop of divine intervention could create such interesting creatures, and how incredible it is how quickly humans could turn on them.

Humans, such beautifully contradicting creatures.

You had always loathed them to some extent, a result of your growing care for the named monsters of their world. You had always believed it would be possible for it all to coexist, but all the thinking got you was your other seraphim's voices calling you naive and too young.

You shut your mouth until you couldn't, you held it all back until it blew up in your face.

You had never expected to end up like any of the fallen, you had spent centuries fighting to protect the beloved humanity from evil things they couldn't comprehend. You'd never expect to be falling from the sky, into the earthly planes with your wings broken. All over a few questions that was too much.

When you reached the ground, you wept. The betrayal stung worse than your broken wings, you had been abandoned by the father, your brothers and sisters turned on you the moment you weren't useful. The hierarchy more than likely celebrating your demise if you knew them well enough, sadistic ones they are.

You ended up spending a long long time on earth, you had no way of switching to a different celestial plane, so you had to make do in the mortal world. Your god has abandoned you, yet part of your celestial power still remains.

Why you can't say, but you imagine there's still some use for you in this world. You can't decide whether it’s a relief or more angering. All of you have left is your six wings tied to your back, which two of them are broken, and half your divine power in your hand.

You do all you can think to do with it, seek out the creatures you were so desperately trying to defend. Perhaps they might be the only type to understand your strife, to show you a place in a world where you are everything different.

How wrong you could be.

You quickly start to doubt your own inhibitions, that these creatures might've been reasonable. Some of them could be, but in vicious groups they prove quite the threat even to others of their own species.

Forced on the run, while defending yourself against the creatures you had longed to meet. It wasn't exactly the time of your life you had hoped for. Nor was the group you'd meet soon after.

Going from place to place wasn't all the easy anymore, unable to fly you'd have to do most places on foot, while having to stay out of sight. Changing form with broken wings isn't the easiest thing in the world, so you would have to wait until they had healed up.

The first time they found you was in an open clearing in the forest, close to a pond they had to pass on their route during a mission. The 141 had been on the mission for a few days now, eliminating an important target, and now exhausted they've finally been able to go to the exfil point.

Soap is the first one that sees you, in the middle of the pack he stops up dead in his tracks causing Gaz to almost crash into him. Though before he could spout some kind of insult his way, Soap promptly shut him up by pointing in your direction. The entire group stops in shock as they take in your appearance.

You had placed yourself next to the pond, gently nursing your wings in hopes of them healing better soon. The mortal plane didn't exactly have the same rate of healing as it did in your old home. All you could do was wait, and keep the wing groomed and free of parasites.

Price is the first to realize what you were, the wings etched into your back should be enough of a sign but there are so few of your kind. He had heard about you both from old legends but also from newer times. Tales of fallen seraphim who still wanted to do good, they were often in some kind cooperation with human military, in the pursuit of the more vile monsters that are loose.

He orders his men to stay back as his mind works laps to decide on what to do. You haven't noticed them, he wonders why. He's never met any seraphim in person, but he's heard of their divine abilities, their senses being way beyond the ordinary, he'd thought you'd have an incredible awareness, it's not like they're hidden.

The possibility of you being a threat was still prominent, but something told him he didn't have to worry about that. So, he slowly starts to approach you, catching your attention once he starts speaking to you.

You're very clearly startled by them, upset that you let them sneak up on you even if unintentionally. Being confronted by humans so suddenly, wasn't something you had prepared for, and despite Price's calming voice trying to coax you, you still looked like a terrified sheep. A far cry from the warrior you could've been, had been.

Ghost watches with intent, thinking back to the one time he saw a seraph when he was a kid. It was an encounter nobody ever believed when he would tell the story, but to him it was very real. Your own existence in front of them only confirmed it.

While Price slowly coaxes you into a more receptible and relaxed state, Ghost informs the two sergeants on what type of being you were. Not many knew of the Seraphim's existence, especially the fallen ones that now roamed on earth. Normally they were all very hidden, taking on different forms and only showing their wings and glowing eyes when they needed to call on divine power.

You're not really sure why Price's wording works, but he manages to assure you that they don't mean you any harm. They all come up to you, questioning you, taking a look at your broken wing. You thought you'd hate the touch of a human, but you find it warm when Gaz gently holds your broken wing and assesses what could be done with it.

Soap is crouched in front of you, asking you insane questions about your background that you're reluctant to answer. All the while Price and Ghost stand a few meters away, discussing what to do with you and the mission. They hadn't expected to find anyone out here, but in your injured and confused state, they can't find it in their hearts to just leave you there.

You're confused with yourself, why you let them fuss over you, why you let them close, but you're even more upset at yourself for letting them take you with them. You should be angry at your own instincts for letting yourself be so easily coaxed into going with them. The promise of bettering your wing was an all too appealing prospect.

Ghost and Soap do the teamwork of helping you up, your exhausted state making them insist that you lean onto them. Price is much more practical on his questioning, a lot gentler in his tone as well. He sticks to the specifics, leaving your past to yourself and getting the information out of you that was needed now. You notice the way they glance at each other once you confirm you have nowhere to go.

They take you with them back to an exfil point, and then further back to a base they normally reside at. You're given quite a few stares as you walk between the four of them, and despite their stern glares and quips to get others to look away, it doesn't help much.

They get you inside and split up, Price going to file paperwork of both the mission and their new arrival. Sneakily filing you away as a kind of stray they picked up and intend to keep for the benefit of the mission. The easiest way to avoid any unwanted interventions from the higher ups at least for now while you get used to it all and they get more information out of you.

Meanwhile Ghost, Gaz and Soap get you settled into the base, getting you cleaned up and acquainted with your new surroundings. Gaz, ever fascinated with your wings, helps clean out the accumulating sweat and dirt that's etched itself into your pristine feathers.

Soap lends you some of his clothes, despite your clear displeasure for the odd clothing. It was something you had never had to concern yourself with before, and now you had to wear the itchy fabric all the time. A very quick cause for another meltdown they coax you through once they realized how much that part bothered you.

Ghost takes a look at your broken wings, fixing up something that could help stabilize it so it could start healing at a better rate. No matter how many times he told you to sit still you couldn't help but squirm as you felt his hands graze over your feathers. It wasn't normal for humans to be touching you so...intimately...it was something you'd have to get used to.

A few weeks pass, two broken wings healed, and you're still with them. You're slowly getting accustomed to their presence around you, their fuzzing, and inquiries, you almost dare admit that you like it, that you might like them.

Never in your life would you have expected to have to admit to yourself that you liked a group of humans beyond your divine contracts. Yet the way they see you and spend time with you, is something you find yourself holding precious to your heart.

Once you discover Soap's drawing habits you can't help but observe him whenever he does it. You find it fascinating the control he has over his hands and the brushstrokes against the fragile paper. He even starts teaching you some of your own, though you struggle with coming up what to draw. You end up drawing some of your seraphim brothers and sister from memory, which he takes great interest in.

Gaz ends up going with you when you go to fly again, the first time was a little bit of a disaster, you crashed straight down. Causing all four of them to worry about you, though luckily you didn't break anything this time. You weren't used to the soreness in your wings, nor the training you'd have to do to get back to your usual level of excellent flying.

Though when you do get it back, you're going out to fly every day. Gaz isn't exactly with you, but he observes you from the ground. You tried offering to show him what it's like, but he kindly declined, mumbling something about it reminding him too much of an unfortunate helicopter ride.

Time spent with Ghost is normally quiet activities that don't require a lot of talking, you enjoy the silent respite, being able to enjoy his company without a single word having to be shared. You often go to him when Soap and Gaz's spontaneous activities get too much, he quickly puts them down before dragging you to a quiet place to relax. Naps with him a top tier, even if you don't really need the sleep the same way he does.

Price will occasionally have you in his office, helping him with paperwork and research on monsters. He finds that you know a lot more than anyone else on probably the entire planet does. You explain their behaviors, their chances at rehabilitation and their threat levels. You admire him and his work, despite having an unfathomable number of years more to your name, his decisions are wise and calculated, he knows what he's doing.

Eventually you even come on missions with them, under great supervision at first, both to learn more about you and to keep a general eye on you. Though it’s a quick agreement between them all that you're an important asset. It's a lot easier to go monster hunting when you have a seraph that can quite literally put the fear of god into them.

Life with them is far from anything you could've expected, so different from your old life, but you find yourself enjoying your time. You're doing something worthwhile, and maybe the godly intervention you were so sure those monster's needed could still depend on you. Either way, you'd have a new group behind your back, one you could rely on more than any other type you'd seen in your divine existence.

I could see this developing into a lil AU of monsters and humans and other mythical things. Definitely getting the gears in my head stirring... I've also got some more ideas for the vampire reader, so watch out for that in the coming time once i get more time to write >:))

[cyberneticlagomorph]

is there something you've got that you've worked really hard on and loved, but not really been able to share extensively, in Jack's world? yes this is an invitation to talk about it.

god theres so fuckin much

the second version of the lore doc is 104 pages long at present and this 3rd edition is gonna be AT LEAST that and some change

i have pages upon pages of weird stuff i've written down and mulled over and will never ever use bc i have no idea how to incorporate it into anything yet

like the-end-of-everything

ok so i gotta put this under the cut due to length and religious stuff and Theseus Hare spoilers

so the-end-of-everything is

a lot?

She's almost As Much as Jack

She's the personified Ending of Jack's Narrative, the Jabberwocky from Alice in Wonderland, the angel Lucifer, The Green Sun from Homestuck, Nidhogg from Norse mythology, Mr Eaten from Fallen London and a million billion other things

She exists currently as a weird dream ghost that has attached Herself to Jack to the point where he dreams about Her every night no matter what.

The same dream, every single night for as long as he can remember

In one of his earlier iterations on this blog, he had his ability to dream SURGICALLY REMOVED (don't ask me how he did it, he just did it, it was hard) and She still showed up every night like normal

You see, their fates are tied together. Jack is the Protagonist, and She the Antagonist, as well as the Ending to his story.

Her in universe lore is fucking WILD and i'm probably not gonna do much of anything with it on the blog for Reasons.

In universe She was made to be Fairyland's original captive star, but She was Too Much on many levels to the point where Her creators had Her lobotomized in hopes that would calm Her down. It did not, She eventually escaped and fucked off into deep space, where She met God (yes that God) and fell in love.

He made Her his favorite angel and named Her Lucifer. And then the shit in Eden happened and She got kicked out of heaven

She swore revenge against God for abandoning Her and when She tried to take that revenge She was torn apart and devoured by... something.

In older drafts it with other deities, im not sure about now tho, but Her leftovers were shoved into a well/hole/pit at the bottom of the universe where nobody could ever find them, Her True Name erased from all history and record. (Hence why we know Her as the Nameless Thing)

She wasn't dead though, not completely anyway. She found Her way into the world of dreams and spoke to people through them, She amassed followers and made plans.

And then a child was Born

Alice was born, many Alices in fact. Each born and grown and groomed for war and lost and lost and lost because they were not the right Alice to slay the Jabberwocky

Jack is supposed to be the Right Alice, Alice is actually his deadname and why his VTM alt is Named That. Jack is supposed to slay the Jabberwocky for good with the Vorpal sword and lock Her away inside of himself forever and always

See, Lucifer does not want that at all, She wants to find Her Name and pull Herself back together so She can kill God for what he did and then devour the multiverse bc everyone let God Do That to Her so they very much should all die about it.

THE THING IS

Outside of the in universe lore, She doesn't HAVE a fucking Name to find. The Writer never gave Her one, She was never supposed to win or leave or anything, and even if She was the Narrative is unfinished and abandoned so She's stuck in here with the rest of those virgins until She figures out a way to Fix That.

Also Lucifer and the elder god thing inside of Vorpal have major beef, they had beef before Vorpal died and became a bone sword. I'm 90% certain Luci is why Vorpal fuckin died but i might change that later. Vorpal was made exclusively to kill the Jabberwocky and other divine entities so if they didn't have beef before they sure do now???

ANYWAY

I wanna do so much with Her but i can't cuz writer's block has hands, I'm a coward, and vivzieverse made characters based on biblical figures Weird and Kinda Uncomfortable but The-End-Of_Everything is my fucking BABY and i can't wait for you to meet Her, also she looks like this in jack's nightmares:

art by @/pencilbrony my befriended

[wifegideonnav]

Okay, so I get that I think Tamsyn has said that while you can draw some clear parallels (Gideon is Female Dave, Harrow is Rose, Ianthe is Vriska), obviously Homestuck and TLT aren't one to one, in the same way that the two other big Would Not Exist Without Homestuck pieces of media, Kill Six Billion Demons and Undertale/Deltarune aren't one to one with it either. That being said. I would like to submit. Isaac is Tavros.

😭 that's so mean. to isaac. wtf.

i don't really see it but let me counter with:

babs is the tavros. obviously i've posted before about how his personality/aesthetic is similar to cronus ampora, but if you think about his relationship with ianthe, i feel like there's definitely some similarities to tavros and vriska.

now ianthe "being a vriska" is something i have a LOT of thoughts about, which i will. probably write out at some point. mainly, while they share surface level plot points and arm deficits, their motivations are very different. i've been holding off tho bc there's a lot we still don't know abt ianthe's motivations while the series is still unfinished. but in general, vriska is a child who has no idea what she's doing and just wants to be safe (although she thinks she wants to be important - and she does, but because she thinks that if she matters enough, she'll stop being vulnerable, both emotionally and physically), whereas ianthe clearly has some actual irons in the fire. (given what little we know about the tridentarii's parents and childhood, i could 100% see ianthe trying to protect herself in a similar way, but we just don't know enough to be sure.)

but to compare babs and tavros:

both the "some guy" wedged in between some very toxically codependent girlies

both killed (run through) with their own weapon by their counterpart in a mysterious facility during a very tense afternoon

you can't tell me that if it was relevant, vriska wouldn't be happy to chew on tavros (use his body for what she's trying to do)

both an intimate part of their counterpart's ascension, in opposite ways

that last point is the most interesting to me, because vriska's ascension involved her own death and ianthe's ascension involved babs's. vriska begged tavros to kill her, and he would not, leaving her to die alone and in pain, whereas ianthe had no qualms about killing babs. as we learn in the unwanted guest, babs's soul has had an effect on ianthe's - they are fusing, in a sense. compare that to the very brief existence of tavrissprite, whose constituent parts could not reconcile and merge. in the end, vriska has always been both obsessed and disgusted with tavros because the world has allowed him to be soft, and kind, and nonviolent - all things that she was never given the chance to be. whereas for ianthe and babs, they have always been fighting side by side, concealing corona's secret and managing third house high society.

so essentially, babs is a tavros who has been strong and active enough to both protect and support his counterpart. while ianthe killed babs because she needed power for whatever she has planned, and she is always going to prioritize coronabeth over anything and anyone else, she had no real beef with him and saw him as, if not an ally, then at least a means to an end whom she didn't mind being bitchy with in the meantime. meanwhile vriska killed tavros not out of necessity or duress, but because he had betrayed and abandoned her at her moment of greatest need and vulnerability, and then decided to be her enemy.

to be honest you didn't ask for any of this longass response lol but to be honester its my blog and i get to rant about vriska if i want 😌 i'd be interested to hear your case for why isaac reminds you of tavros tho! bc i seriously do not see it at this point lmao

[tales-from-the-blu-team]

Muses and rules

Rules:

I am primarily interested in RPing with OCs due to having pre existing lore ideas about cross faction relationships but will play with Red muses/ blogs ( red engineer might be a bit of an issue as i have more own lore with him related to blu engineer)

Sfw only- Im not interested in NSFW.

I have a preference for paragraph/ literature style replies as that's what I'm used to writing wise but I don't mind if you do script style. Just be aware that I will do Literature style replies ( I'm a fic writer I can't help it)

I don't respond right away sometimes. This happens from time to time. If it's been a few weeks please poke me.

if you want to drop a thread just let me know.

I will take Asks like an ask blog but this is primarily an RP blog.

Don't god mod/ mode.

I've never played the Game so everything is Second hand knowledge for me

Muse list:

Primary muses:

Blu engineer:

Mac Conagher- doesn't want to be here but is obligated to due to family ties. He is Much More Aware of a Lot of things that the others aren't but he can't say anything. A former Civil Engineer with 6 PHDs, a Wife he loves dearly ( Irene) and two daughters. Will either have a son later or has recently had a son. Is absolutely horrified at the realization that he's doomed this poor kid to take his place.

Has an excellent sense of smell. Allergic to smoke.

Blu Spy: Matthieu ???

one of the unofficial leaders of Blu. Generally talks things through with his team. Scouts uncle ( scout knows this). Still mysterious but more open and protective of his team. Scout especially, as he's taken up the role of father figure when possible. Will often train and go over battle performance etc with his team mates.

Butts heads with Blu Soldier.

Has a crush on Blu engineer but is aware that he's married.

blu soldier -John Doe ( real name???)

An Orphan who became both friends and eventually brothers with Blu Pyro growing up. Was abandoned as a child due to his mother - a young widow - being pressured to give him up as her new husband ' wasn't going to raise a kid that wasn't his'. He was too young to remember his real name and only has vague memories of his mother. Has a half sister out there who wants to connect.

Stubborn, quick to react and can be kind of a hard ass on his team. Tends to follow his gut Instinct.

Fiercely protective of Pyro. A former soldier who did actually fight in WW2. Post war, he went around doing odd jobs, never really feeling like he knows what he wants.

Like Spy, he trains the team but his methods are more like that you'd find in the military.

Blu Pyro: ????

Blu soldiers best friend and unofficial brother. Grew up in the orphanage due to his parents dying in the winter due to an accident.

Has a fear of being wet/ cold due to this. Copes with Fire. About 5 years younger than John and is fiercely protective of him. Where he goes, Pyro follows.

Loves childish things due to making up for all the childhood things he never got to have or do. Has a one sided rivalry with the red pyro.

Secondary muses: ( a wip for later)

Blu medic: Fritz Humboldt

His family has a long running medical research/ pharmacy business. Is currently competing with his brother to see who takes primary control over it although the plan is for both of them to work on it together

Has a wife and a 12 year old son. Polite but not very Open as he has a past as working a field doctor/ had many a patient die on him that he tried to save. Took up the job to work on cutting edge medical research ( may or may not end up coming to terms/ accepting the whole you could have saved More people but didn't thing via Respawn).

Expresses his feelings through private writing. Created the kritzkreig and reverse engineered the Uber via what Blu spy knew. Does not like red medic but has respect for his work.

Blu scout: Thomas ???

Blu spys nephew, looks up to him a lot. A former track and field athlete at school. Youngest of three brothers. While not academically terrible he's not great either and doesn't excel at anything in particular.

His uncle and mom were not thrilled about him wanting to join the Merc life but spy promises to look after him. Knows some Spy skills and tendencies. Can be really quiet and knows some knife tricks.

The youngest on the team, he has trouble connecting with the others but tries. Knows some conversational French. Gets along better with Spy than his red counterpart

blu Demoman : ????

the second youngest on the team, he was good at Chemistry and working with his hands but unlucky with getting a job. Where red demo is Scottish, Blu demo is Irish.

His parents sacrificed a lot for him and he wants to make them proud. Miss Pauling came to him with a job offer- he didn't know it was a Merc Job. But he knew it involved explosives and thought he was gonna do like construction with explosives.

Wants to make his parents proud and doesn't want them to know what he's really doing. He hates lying to them but he's so afraid of what they would think of him if they knew he was killing and being killed.

Friends with Blu Engineer.

Blu heavy: Dimitri ????

Blu sniper: ????

[secretlywritingstories]

I just remembered the personal blog I used to have. I started writing on it the summer at the end of my first year at university and I stopped posting the autumn I'd handed in my master thesis. It followed me through ups and downs for over five years and looking back at it now feels strange.

It's coming up on the 10 years since I started that blog. I just opened my first post to check it out and immediately noticed a dumb spelling error. And oh, how naive and unsure I was back then. Just 19 years old thinking that I was becoming an adult.

To be fair, I was but I've spent most of the last decade becoming more and more adult and I'm not sure I've reached "proper" adulthood yet. If such a thing ever exist.

But it was a curious thing to see what took up my heart and mind. Lots of university struggles, spending time with my horse, writing and setting myself writing challenges, dealing with anxiousness and stress. Perhaps not all that different from my life now (if you swap job with uni) but somehow, contradictory, also vastly different.

In the five years that the blog has sat abandoned (my old age of 24 sitting in the banner as a marker), I've gone through a lot. As a human I've grown immensely, even if many of my interests and the way I engage with the world is still similar.

My very last blog post was about handing in my thesis and then having to do an oral defence a couple of weeks later. I finished on this: I don't know if I have ever been more scared. It was that anticipation of what my life would look like when I was no longer a student.

I had been a student my whole life, jumping from one form of education to another. Ten years of school. Three years of gymnasium. Six years of university. Almost two decades of being in school in some shape or form and the anticipation of what came after was so scary. I would lose all of my structure and crumble, I could feel it in my bones.

In some ways, I did. But in other ways, I also have been very fortunate. It took me over a year to find a job. I had to go through a pandemic that only made it harder. The isolation was gutting but it also made me find an online community that are now some of my closest friends. I started working a reception job only to be able to move into a department related to my field after ten months.

I've kept past friendships from schools, I still have my horse, I'm close with my family, I daily chat with my online friends and we've been (and will go) on trips to meet up. I've got a good salary, I like my colleagues and boss, and I get to try new exciting things, even if that sometimes scares me. I have written and published almost 100 fics since that last blog post and my writing has only gotten better and better.

My brain still trips me up. I didn't dare dive into some of the more mental health related posts I made at this moment but I think I'll see present me echoed in those too. Even if I've gotten better at dealing with stuff in some ways. I'm going to try to continue to improve on that front.

Five years is a long time but somehow, in the span of a full life, also a short time. For five years, I wrote on that personal blog. It's been five years since I've touched it. One version of me started it and another version finished it, and me looking back on it now is yet another different version.

I don't share like that anymore on the internet, but I do still keep a journal I write in every single day. And well, then there's these "my tumblr dabbles" a way to give myself permission to post tiny parts of me and my thoughts online still. Crack myself open and see what flows out onto the page that I want to share. Thank you for everyone who indulges them.

[a-tale-never-told]

An Apology.

//Greetings, everyone. I completely understand what you might be thinking at this moment, upon looking at this title. You might be thinking "Is he going to repeat another self-deprecating rant about his insecurities about writing and venting on the blog?". To that commonly referred question, the answer is actually no, surprisingly.

//You see, over since yesterday night, I finally came to a realization of just how damaging my own actions were to this entire story blog, and how much of an absolutely selfish asshole I'd become within the past few weeks, and I am greatly ashamed of my behavior towards all of you and how I treated you all during this blog. That was wholeheartedly never the intention to make you all feel uncomfortable with my own mental health issues and anxiety and stress issues, while also placing the burdens of my self-deprecation on you all, especially those who are dealing with other mental health issues themselves.

//Yesterday, I came to a realization of the numerous key reasons why I end up going on these long, venting rants about my writing qualities and why multiple people have felt put off by the story, and I came to a conclusion: It wasn't just the writing quality, but my constant venting and self-deprecation over the issues of my personal life and my rather embarrassing ways on how to handle my depression, as well as several other factors that we'll get into later.

//I just want to elaborate a bit on why I acted this way in particular and why I'm absolutely terrified of my own insecurities: I fear being abandoned in life, both with my loved ones and with my friends, hence why I get constantly paranoid whenever I trust or talk to someone because you never can officially confirm if you can place your absolute trust and faith in that person, even your own closest loved ones. Throughout my entire life, I've been betrayed, manipulated, lied to, and humiliated by those that I considered close to me in my childhood, with my family being the only ones I could definitely trust.

//While I did make a few friendships back then, I certainly wouldn't call it a friendship as we often fought with one another, then we officially made up, and then we had another argument again, and the cycle repeats itself. I honestly never truly felt what it feels like to even have a friendship with another person or human being, as I've never really experienced any true bonds with others. Most of the time, I'd often get shamed, bullied, and harassed by my fellow classmates for the most ridiculous of reasons, and I, unfortunately, had to take it like it was completely normal, even when I tried to give those people the benefit of the doubt and repair our relationships.

//These types of mental behavior that I exhibit are something that I think most of you are familiar with, Social anxiety disorder. Social anxiety disorder is essentially characterized by sentiments of fear and anxiety in social situations, with blushing, trembling, and nausea, as well as having an overwhelming fear of humiliation and embarrassment. When you have that disorder, you start to feel anxious about how people might judge you or if they treat you with scrutiny whenever you interact with them, thus leading you to fear almost any social interaction, especially things like dates or talking to random strangers.

//I'm not saying this as an excuse for my self-depreciation and venting posts, because there are absolutely zero tolerable excuses for that, but it does offer a rationale or explanation as to why I become so mentally unstable to begin with because I never truly had any form of positive interaction with a human being outside of my family, and it wasn't untill this year where I try to overcome my disorder and tried to socialize more with others, though the mental and cognitive social issues still exist. It's just the fact that I get extremely afraid of other people abandoning me and leaving me alone to rot away, so that's why I become extremely paranoid whenever I see others.

//Another main issue is actually what Mod Bubbles pointed out in our conversation together on DMs: Hormonal teen angst. It's no official secret that we, as teenagers, tend to have those periods in life when we often like to complain and beat ourselves up for every single mistake we make in our lives. That's unfortunately part of the development process of becoming a teenager, and the ways I handled it were... less than splendid to say the absolute least, if the vent posts were any indication to go by.

//And speaking of the vent posts, I finally realized that I officially need to stop making these posts, as not only do they add endless filler to the entire blog, but I realized that it's starting to genuinely make all of you rather uncomfortable with how much I self-deprecate and rant about my insecurities towards a group of strangers and burden the rest of you with my own issues, which is definitely not what I wanted to do, but that might officially stem from another problem that I have.

//It's no secret that I've stated countless times that I'm insecure about my own writing, and how I've been writing this arc, while also being mostly a little jealous of the successes of The New Future and especially A Student Out Of Time, which is incredibly ironic when you consider I owe a lot of the inspiration for this blog to ASOOT and his storytelling, and these feelings of inadequacy and jealousy stem all the way back to my younger years, where I would feel jealous that no matter how much effort and hard work I put, I wouldn't become famous as my other classmates, who essentially became popular due to the growing trends of the late 2010s era. Granted, I had zero idea as to what those societal norms were, but it still infuriated me to see these lazy, selfish, bullies become so well respected, while someone like myself had to bear the brunt of their torment.

//Obviously, Bubbles and Freeze are most certainly not those kinds of people, and I respect them tremendously for being talented in their writing skills, but that feeling of jealousy from my middle school years hasn't really shaken off, and whenever I see an like on those two blogs and look at myself, I always return to those years back in middle school, and that instinct to let out my anger of years of being discarded and treated horribly often comes up.

//However, I have now come to a realization that I cannot continue living my life like this, to constantly be in this never-ending cycle of self-loathing and hatred, as this obviously benefits nobody in the end, and only serves to create more hardship for everyone in this space, and making myself look uncaring towards your feelings and acting like an entitled, narcissistic asshole, which is the complete opposite of what I want to convey.

//So I've decided on a new way to constantly improve my behavior and change for the better, and that's the fact that I will do my hardest to improve myself as a person and a human being. Throughout all of this, I have been discarding your attempts to help me with my mental issues, foolishly thinking that I had it all under control when it had become clear to every one of you that I didn't. And I realize that by continuing this downward spiral of self-hatred and frustration, I'm ending up unintentionally hurting the ones who are trying to help me get better, which was not even the intention at all, and I honestly feel tremendously guilty for doing so.

//If there's any form of advice that is relevant to this entire situation that I need to take, it's that I need to be kind towards myself and others. That means that I'll completely devote myself to giving myself time as well as others the time to reflect and cope with their own mental issues, as well as not constantly thinking poorly of anyone for small things, giving you guys space, showing compassion more frequently, and trying to show you all that I'm not some heartless weirdo that doesn't value your insightful advice on things.

//Two sayings resonate with me throughout this entire time I've been writing this post: "You have to love yourself before you can love someone else" and "Actions speak louder than words", both of which are very important to me not only for my mentality but for my own genuine belief as a person, that we should let our own actions, moral or immoral, speak for ourselves rather than just meaningless, hollow words. It goes a long way in improving relationships with other people, and I feel as if I have been constantly repeating the same phrases and promising that I'm going to better myself as a person without actually showing it. That's going to change, starting from this post onward.

//From now on, I take a personal vow to endlessly work and improve myself as a better human being and a better moderator as well, always trying to take your valuable advice at heart, trying to listen to whatever issues you might have, and constantly offer my advice and support to anyone that needs it here, being far more compassionate and understanding of any problems that you guys have, giving you the time and space whenever you need it, and the most valuable and important life lesson of all is to learn to love myself and stop burdening myself and others with my own socialization issues and mental problems.

//I just want to thank everyone who has constantly stuck around throughout this entire journey, despite my constant venting and ranting about my insecurities and childhood issues. A massive shoutout to people like @freezethunder @creepercraftguy @poisonrozen and especially @a-student-out-of-time for helping me and trying to get me out of those constant depressive stages, always being understanding of my problems, and trying to give valuable advice to heal my mental state. You all are amazing people, truly, and you don't know how much your comments and insightful ways of being compassionate towards others mean to me.

//I absolutely hold full accountability and responsibility for my actions, as I believe that my way of handling the situation was idiotic and at worst, hurting the rest of the fanbase. My sincerest apologies if this post was obviously not what you were all expecting from me today, as I originally never planned to make this today, but rather tomorrow once I finished the Kazuichi asks. But I could no longer put my own mental well-being and the well-being of others around me with my constant self-loathing and endless venting and rants about my failures as a writer. Remember that mental well-being always comes first, and for such a year that was absolutely stress-inducing and nerve-wracking on my physical and mental state in 2023, I felt as if I needed to address this issue because this type of selfish, irresponsible behavior needed to stop at some point, and it's better that I address all of this in one single post rather than let this become a gigantic issue later on.

//I hope you all can accept my most sincere and honest apology, from the bottom of my heart. But I know that these words don't mean anything if I can't show that I've changed and put hard work and effort into bettering myself, and I'm making that commitment to change, starting now!

//This is Mod Sam from A Tale Never Told, signing out. Have a wonderful rest of your afternoon, everyone!.

[mrrightandmrbubble]

I hope you’re doing well XO

Hi, hello, I still exist though my blog upkeep would say otherwise. It's been a minute. That's really sweet that you 1) thought of me and 2) wanted to check in. I start to type up something about last year but keep abandoning it because how do you casually introduce that to people's timelines?

So, yeah, ripping off the Band-Aid (putting behind a read-more in case of triggers):

Someone tried to kill me. Well, not just someone, a now-former housemate who I thought was a friend. I still don't understand what lead to it and I don't know if I ever will, because they swing between "nothing happened" and "but if something did, it's her fault" (the O.J. defense). They were removed kicking and screaming from the house by police, and a provisional APVO was served that night with the provision that they must not come within 50 metres of any place where I live or work. It's already had a few court mentions, which I didn't have to attend, but an actual hearing has been adjourned to my birthday this year (happy fucking birthday to me) upon which I expect i'll be called to give my evidence. Charges include: Armed with intent to commit serious indictable offense, destroy/damage property, intimidation, common assault, and intentional choking. They're pleading not guilty on the grounds of mental health, but pull the other one. They had awareness and intent, and the ability to understand the events and make different choices in real-time - such as putting down the knife and saying to the other housemate who was trying to keep me safe, "The only reason i'm not killing her is because you're here".

They tracked down CC (after i'd shared that shit heap of a situation with them) to try and dig for dirt to use against me. They sent the other housemate messages and accusations through her via text for a few months, until the other housemate moved out and blocked them on everything. Some continued willful actions.

Once the property recovery order was finally sorted, they sent a family member and their partner to collect their belongings, and it became obvious rather quickly that they have not been honest with anyone about what they did. The fact that they refused my initial proposal of having a mutual friend do the collection supports that. Not that them acknowledging it would provide any kind of validation or resolution - they've bent over backwards to avoid taking responsibility for themselves since i've known them. But it's that which worries me re: how the hearings could go. I have to prepare myself for the likelihood that they won't face any natural consequences for their actions. The mentions so far have been more concerned with their wellbeing than mine. I haven't been contacted by anyone in months. If it eventuates that they get to go on their merry way, i'm not sure yet how I would respond.

At least the Department of Justice has been amazing, approving an Immediate Needs Support Package to fund a complete security overhaul for the premises. My GP also referred me to a psychologist while the local Domestic Violence Court Advocacy Service applied to VOCAL (Victims of Crime Assistance League) on my behalf, though nothing's come of that yet. [EDIT: I just called to follow up and they seem to have lost me in the system, which is awesome but they can't all be winners.]

I wasn't seriously injured, thankfully, besides a chunk of my hair being pulled out (and subsequent blood) and cuts and bruises around my body.

As for my mental health, i'm...okay, I guess. That I knew I needed to quickly access support to mitigate development of PTSD probably saved me from being much worse. I had panic attacks and would replay the event like a video over and over for the first few months after it happened. I have occasional moments when I have trouble dealing with it and get real hard on myself, wishing they'd finished me off. But those moments, thankfully, do pass. Maintaining connection with friends and family, as a means of navigating the trauma recovery, hasn't been easy in recent months (will cover it in another post) but in fighting against my old instinct of avoiding asking for help, it serves as a reminder that there are places and people I can still trust and feel safe around. I've basically treated myself like a client and thought, "Ignore the lies your brain is trying to feed you - what would your best self do right now?"

I survived. I'm continuing to survive. That's the big takeaway.

[mdhwrites]

So, what is so awful about Starlight Glimmer that you refuse to try and finish up the remainder of the final 4 seasons of MLP Friendship is Magic? You finished up Owl House despite having loads of problems with that show, why not for MLP Friendship is Magic?

So A: I did not with TOH. Literally. I still have not seen about half the finale and like a third of Thanks to Them. I have watched what I have had to for blogs but that's it. I also only even considered not watching the rest once S2B ended because at the time, I didn't want to abandon it. I didn't want to lose it. However, I was explicit after King's Tide came out: If I didn't know for a fact so little TOH existed left, I would not even be considering watching S3.

B: There is SUCH a large difference between six more episodes of a show you liked and FOUR. SEASONS. of a show you'd been fading on for two seasons.

C: Starlight was a final nail in the coffin, not the first sin. I'd literally done an entire month of blogs on fimfic for S4 (or maybe five?) where I forced myself to be a bit more positive with that season because I'd been really harsh on it when it first came out and wanted to try and reconnect but even then, I'd found the season to be mostly boring. S5 didn't do any better and continued the trend of characters not just making mistakes but being outright assholes, at least in my opinion. Like if things weren't boring, they were miserable and I didn't like either setting for the show.

But what were my issues with Starlight? Well, she was an okay villain when she first appeared who gave up way too quick and thus lost all that was interesting about her, then literally killed an entire world potentially dozens of times when having never had proper training in magic and was then hugged and accepted as a new main cast member with less of a redemption and effort than Discord and then... Then she joined and felt like one of the writer's super cool OCs and please see how much better they are than the rest.

Now these memories are OLD at this point so I can't bring up as many details as I'd like. One of the big ones was others slipping backwards just to make Starlight look better, like the dinner with Celestia thing where Starlight invites Trixie and Twilight ENTIRELY LOSES IT like it is literally four seasons ago with Lesson Zero. I also believe the episode that kind of broke me was the Hearthswarming Special because it was downright the worst version of a Christmas Carol I'd ever seen where Starlight acted like she was literally above the story itself. Hell, I'm pretty sure my response to that episode was "How do you not understand the base structure of A CHRISTMAS CAROL!?"

And again, a lot of this was genuinely just indicative to me of how I just wasn't enjoying the show anymore. I didn't like the characters, I didn't like what they were doing and it all felt stale. I was right there with a lot of the fandom by being hyped during S4 by thinking that the Harmony Box was going to lead to an entire new cast of main characters because it did feel like a shake up was needed at that point for most of them or that most in S4 were getting their dreams to prepare them for a send off and the like. And then... They didn't. Our only new cast member came in the worst of the Twilight clones of smart magic horses and the plots seemed to double down on the fact that she was in fact MUCH worse than Twilight. Not because she behaved worse but because they had to try so hard to sell her to the audience.

But I want to make it clear that I gave S6 a few episodes still. I tried to still be on its side despite having been kind of miserable throughout S5 (going to the home of the griffins is still one of the worst episodes of anything I've ever watched). I wanted to still be a fan, especially since I was still writing for it.

You know, like TOH. And like TOH, it disappointed on all fronts with wanting to continue that commitment. So yeah, I'm not returning to MLP FiM for quite literally over an entire DAY'S worth of time just to be able to comment on the Friendship School. Why the hell would I when I have SO MANY better things to do with my time?

[melody-han-wayne]

(OOC: Update + Apology—Long Post)

So I've been pretty much non-existent for the past 4 months or so BUT I can explain!

Basically what happened is that I emigrated to not just a different country, but a different continent on literally the other side of the world from where I grew up. And I left behind all my friends and family at home, meaning I came here alone and I'm still alone and probably will be alone for as long as I remain in this new country. So for the past few months I've been dealing with moving and settling down and making plans to secure my future in this new country—heck, just making sure I can have a future in this new country. I'm more or less settled into my new life now (except for the planning for the future part) but before that I kind of forgot about Melody for a while 🫥

So anyway the guilt ate away at my subconscious and Melody's voice came to me in a dream and berated me for abandoning her, so I woke up and quickly came to check on my baby. And I realise, to my utter mortification and horror, that I never paused my Tumblr queue, so all the half-baked ideas, the rough drafts, the tentative-but-not-in-chronological-order character development, had been posting itself while I was away 🫠. So if during the past 5 months you saw my blog degenerate into a bigger and bigger mess and wondered "What the heck is going on"—it's not you, it's me. Right now I'm just trying to salvage what I can of my blog (and my dignity) and reorganise everything I originally planned for Melody (tbh I forgot half of it but I'm sure the memories are in here somewhere, I just have to clean out the dust and oil the gears first).

Honestly I have no idea how many people follow(ed) Melody's story, I might as well be posting into the void for all I know. But like so many of the other RPers on this blog I started because I was bored and had some ideas in my head that wouldn't leave me alone, and over time I became attached to my OC and her story (perhaps unhealthily so). That's part of the reason why I decided not to just delete my blog and make my absence permanent. Because working on this self-indulgent project used to make me happy, and because I still have some ideas I want to share with whoever might be lurking around. Another reason is because of the community that welcomed me and that I personally watched grow. Even when this blog was at its 'most active' I probably didn't interact with other RPers as much as I should/could have (again, it's not you, it's me) but what little interaction we did have I truly did enjoy as we built and connected our own stories and characters while also interpreting the DC ones. I don't think I've said this before, and I don't think I'll ever say it enough, but really, thank you all for being willing to indulge me and play with me. This has been a lovely space to be in, and you guys combined are like 80% of the reason ❤️❤️❤️❤️

@florence-wayne-official @kit-the-nonbinary-wayne @that-one-gotham-kid @amira-wayne-al-ghul @warren-wayne-kyle @teagrayson + anyone I missed, knowing the rate at which this community grows there's bound to be at least one person I didn't tag (it's not a snub—again, not you, it's me and my bad memory—please don't be offended 🥺)

((idk if tagging everyone is proper etiquette after my prolonged absence, I was just going to say 'you know who you are' at first and leave it at that but I'm not sure if you guys actually know who you are 😅 so if I'm breaking some kind of unspoken Tumblr code of etiquette I apologise again))

(((I didn't mean for that above note to sound as rude as it did)))

ANYWAYS if you've read past the wall of text above to make it down here congratulations and thank you, I'll be doing my best to clean up/revise my blog and my OC and her story in the coming weeks and hopefully get some sort of continuity back on track :) I'm also trying to figure out what happened in the rest of the RP community in my absence so if I reply to a three-month-old post now: once again, it's not you, it's me, and there's totally no obligation to engage with.

Can't wait to hang out with the Batfamily again ☺️ plus all my RP siblings, half-siblings, future siblings, stepsiblings, undead siblings etc XD

[egg-emperor]

I can really see both sides of it. Considering the circles I run in, I end up seeing content that emotionally impacts me negatively pretty often. Even just recently I saw some content that has been keeping me up at night in a bad way. So I do think appropriate tagging and implementing content warnings is important so people can avoid stuff, or at least brace themselves so they know what they're getting into. I definitely know what it's like to see some heavy stuff I didn't want to see, and resenting whoever posted it.

But at the same time, I don't go around to the people making that content and try to make it their problem. I USED to do that, and I look back on it and cringe and feel bad about it, because my hurt feelings shouldn't invalidate their happyness. And they're not responsible for suppressing creating things that they enjoy just for my sake. I think it's perfectly reasonable to go "hey, um, maybe tag this properly?" but anyone who's giving you a hard time because of WHAT you made and trying to make you feel bad about it is the one who needs to get over themselves. I don't think it's right to try and hurt someones feelings just because they're uncomfortable with what you had the audacity to post on your own personal page.

It would be the right thing to do to tag things with appropriate content warnings. But you definitely didn't do anything wrong by making something that you felt impassioned to make and which made you happy.

yeah I can too because I see stuff that can be really uncomfortable and sometimes even triggering to me pretty often really but it's not tagged because they're all seemingly mundane or silly things to other people. I mean seeing wholesome and pure Eggdad and Sage actually is one of those things for me but I kept accidentally coming across it because it wasn't tagged correctly so my way of dealing with it instead of lashing out at them and being rude was writing on my own blog.

but tagging is important when it's obvious it's something that should typically be tagged anyway, or someone politely asks for it. I fucked up because I didn't think to add it to the Eggman and Sage concept like others I had just recently but I just wish people could've told me to tag it correctly instead of all the hate and loss this resulted in. I need to pay more attention and think harder before I post it because my tags are sometimes rushed.

but yeah that's the thing too, some people just aren't happy I wrote it at all because it's dark. tagged or not some would've had the same reaction just because it exists at all and I wrote it. no matter that there are the layers of my own experiences and knowledge of canon for accuracy and is what helps me feel comfort and happiness personally, as long as they don't approve. so I've been insulted and talked about behind my back and abandoned.

who knew my past experiences could find a way to keep hurting me in yet another way in a present aside from the ptsd, huh

I can see what I did wrong there with the tagging at least and I definitely need to be more careful but it hurts that I'm being accused of bad things and judgements are being made on my character without all the facts just because I made it at all. and that I'm now being made to feel horrible about something that makes me happy and feel like I'm being punished for it. thank you for the assurance that it still wasn't deserved because of that mistake.

[justapcpblog]

A rant on destruction/violence

Awhile back, someone wrote an article on how to work with villains, and I personally disagreed with it. Doesn't mean it shouldn't exist, doesn't mean I or you should cancel them out of existence. We all have our ways of religion, and we all have our UPGs. We all have our ways of interpreting characters, and who we should work with, as well. I don't like someone telling me I can't work with x character because they're too problematic. But just because someone tells me to NOT do something doesn't mean that I should listen to them. I have myself and the spiritual beings that I choose to listen to.

I also noticed that someone else seems to have gotten annoyed over people dissing ritual cleansing and pointed out that the Left's obsession of fighting their opponents could itself be self-harmful. It doesn't seem like this went over very well for them, since they've been somewhat quiet, only peeping out when they can't hold back any longer. aggressive at times. It's not the only person in the Pop Culture Pagan community who went quiet after getting into a fight. Another pointed out that they had someone message them something personal and weird, and in disgust and fright they abandoned their social practice, their blog.

A lot of Pop Culture Pagan articles have actually been deleted, and many thoughts have thus been erased through the sands of time. Whether through creator embarressment, a character or god asking them to pull it down, or through the sheer intensity of cancel culture, many important documents and practices have perished. It's incredibly important to keep writing if you want a community to survive. Deleting posts is not that much different than burning a book. Even if you're feeling author's shame or don't believe in the thing anymore, these thoughts are still building blocks for the community. If you want more Pop Culture Pagans to exist, then you're going to have to have stuff for people to convert with. You don't have to convert them yourself Jehovah's Witness style, knocking on people's doors to inform them about Lord Voldemort. You just need to let them have the chance to stumble upon your writings and let them decide for themselves or let the egragores call them on their own. Without Pop Culture Pagan writings, the idea of worshipping a character is only a scary, delusional person. I can't remember any media that had someone worship a character at an altar, but I'm sure I've seen it. Maybe it was that Tangled bobble-head bad date one, where she had a million of them in her closet, including a headless one. Can't remember if she had an altar though.

Disgust and fear over fans turning their obsessions into religion is not only found in TV. In real life, Anissa Weier and Morgan Geyser both worshipped a villain and attempted to sacrifice a real human for it. I don't know if either of them were Pop Culture *Pagans* per se, but they were certainly doing a Pop Culture based religion that had roots in Satanism. Just because many of us utilize Chaos Magick, rooted in Wicca, doesn't mean that other Pop Culture based religions are invalid. However, people have a real reason to be scared of it, if they do find it. To what ends would someone go to honor a character? Murder, apparently. This is the problem with honoring dark spirits. They're *evil*. They are bad.

When Pagans who don't honor Pop Culture characters honor their deities, they usually don't include a traditional sacrifice. Nowadays Pagans sacrifice regular food, including pre-killed meat, and plenty of fruits and vegetables. In fact, we usually don't even call it a sacrifice, it's an offering. And it's not much of a sacrifice unless you have to throw the food away after or the god ruins the taste of it for you. However some modern Pagans do sacrifice. Their are farmers who kill goats and chickens in the name of their gods. Some Mesamerican followers bloodlet. A vast majority of Pagans do not wish to participate in killing an animal and most of the time the gods don't ask, disallow it, or allow the human to not give them the thing.

But historically polytheistic and monotheistic religions alike have demanded their humans to kill for them, including on their behalf. Whether that's the Aztecs requiring one human be killed per day, or whether it's the Jewish God telling Moses to kill all the Midianite males and non-virgin females above the age of 14, spiritual entities have been demanding death for literally thousands of years. European gods sent their people to war and burned white slaves and wives to die when their husbands did. There have been religions thousands of years ago that rejected sacrifice of animals and humans and required compassion, such as Buddhism and Jainism. However historically most human societies have a religion that demands death in some form or another.

Humans are incredibly brutal, and many people have developed misanthropy over the sheer need others have for violence. We can see it every day on TV and video games. How many of these suggest that the enemies deserve to be spared, requiring minimal damage? Not a lot! Even if Batman doesn't kill, he still beats the shit out of them. Some people have suggested that violence on TV and video games makes people more violent, and in my personal experience there's some truth in that. But I also think that violence on TV really helps to keep people in check, forcing them to stay at home and watch the bad guys die and root for the good guys, and noticeably murders and mobs went down, for awhile anyways. More people started advocating for death sentences to no longer be legal. Or maybe that's just a coincidence.

It would do well to remember that most of our thoughts on keeping violence in check are from the past hundred years or so, and in our times compassion fades away. In the 2000s I was afraid of terrorists from an uncivilized, barbaric nation where they deemed women as sub-human livestock and kept variatns of a stupid religion that fed these terrorists. Terroritsts whose god literally demanded them to kill others, rape, and even sacrifice themselves with the promise of 72 “goodies” waiting for them in heaven. Nowadays I'm afraid of them AND more relevantly, domestic terrorism. The two extreme political fashions of the era. One demands death to people who believe in the right of believing that two solid sexes exist and that people of European descent cannot truly repent for their sins but probably should try the best they can, but really they should just all die off and never be seen on the face of the earth again. The other I understand less, but it seems that their misanthropy and hatred for modern culture tips them into shooting up people in schools, Jewish temples, and other public places. Our intense desire to change society in whatever way we imagined has put so much pressuure on each other that it drives us all insane. That's my opinions on the matter, and I'm not asking you to tell me yours. It's just that I'm afraid, and you reading this right now, you probably are too.

I worry that soon, we'll all tip back into time and start believing in death in ways I think not all of us do. I worry that we'll think lynchings are perfectly moral, that killing one another for our own beliefs is valid. And in my opinion, it's not. Violence isn't okay. We have to kill to eat, that's how some omnivores feel, but we don't have to kill each other. We could like, just get over it and not worry about it so much. We could stop joking about it so much, we could choose to stop threatening other people, seriously or non-seriously. We could stop telling people to kill themselves. Many of the things I was taught were horrible as a teenager are so open now. Do you know how many Tiktoks I've watched that advocate and laugh at child abuse? These videos would have been taken down and those users banned back in my day. And now it's just funny, or even cultural celebration. Why is it that parents beating up children is seen as funny?

Destruction is a feature of villainy. It tears apart the world. It breaks culture apart and people have to pick up the pieces and try again, start anew. Fighting is an important part of villainy. Some villains don't like to get their hands dirty and let everybody else do the murdering or arguments for them. Some villains just get angry and kill people who piss them off. Some villains just need to get them out of their way. Some are psychopathic and enjoy feeling the life drain from their victim as their hands wrap around their throat. It's like a cat playing with a mouse, a predator's instinct.

When people cry out, “no! My villain wouldn't do this! He's too good!” that's what we'd call Draco In Leather Pantsing back in the day. If you think a villain is too good for rape, and there's nothing in canon that supports that claim, then you're probably wrong. Villains are evil. Headcanons are valid, and if you stick with your opinion that's fine, but maybe also wonder “is the character I like willing to torture peope?” I'm reminded of how Shadow The Hedgehog said in a video game that he'd steal candy from a baby, and recently a cartoon came out showing him stealing popcorn from a chao and ignoring it as it burst into tears. If that wasn't canon, especially way back in the day when I was playing that actual game, I would have said that was OOC and they were over emo-ing him. But look, now its literally canon. Hilarious.

When working with any spiritual entity, they may demand something of you that isn't necessarily safe, for you or for others. As these beings work on your mind, they may even try to trick or twist you into believing that these things are okay. Sometimes you do need to bend, but sometimes you need to take a stand. Villains can be villainous sometimes, and they may start getting aggressive. An egragore acting in a canonical fashion might be as seriouss as Slender Man demanding literal murder. But you don't have to do everything for them. You can have boundaries. You need to set boundaries when working with characters that disrupt them in volatile ways. You can disagree with their points of views. You can have a choice (usually). Sometimes that may mean that those characters or some of their aspects won't work with you. Well, fuck 'em. You can appreciate them as a character and choose to not work with them. It's okay to keep the relationship as a fan rather than an worshipper. But sometimes you do have to cut ties with them, because deciding that they're a real entity does mean that everything changes. You get to communicate with one another, usually crudely, and sometimes circumstances demand that you make a choice to try to cut them out in the best way possible. Or it may not be the best outcome.

It's your choice over what to do, what to believe, and who to honor. I advocate that you seek out non-violent forms of Paganism. I suggest that you work on yourself to make yourself more calm, peaceful, happy, and self-fulfilled (god fulfilled?). But our religions don't always dictate that we be happy, and our gods don't always dictate that we be compassionate and peaceful, and our own belief-sets (ourselves) don't always tell us to be genuinely good people who respects others' personal beliefs and lives. But I hope that you find yourself in a place where your egragores support you rather than abuse you, and I hope that you support others who have those same beings abuse them, and I hope that you don't allow harm to come onto others. Have a good day, and happy Valentines' day.

Note: I tried to save a lobster at a seafood restaurant today and I was told that I wasn't allowed to because they had a food license and could not sell me the lobster alive. I ate lobster anyways, not that one though, to my knowledge. I was just impressed with his determination to get out of the tank and had flashbacks to kidnapped fiction and thought I'd give it a go. I still feel guilty. Can you imagine an alien refusing to save your life because they'd go to jail for it? And then eating refrigerated human meat instead? What a bad person I am.

[kinfeelings]

30-day fictionkind challenge...all in 1 go!

My kintype is a (psychological? spiritual?) vaporeon pokémon whose sex I don't even know yet. Equal chances of being male or female. I'm trying to figure out if I'm in fact a feral one, likely abandoned someplace wild by an irresponsible human ex-owner as an eevee? Maybe?

My dysphoria is pretty light tbh. I used to absolutely despise being human when I was younger and full of debilitating self-hatred. I've gotten much better and healed since then, and I accept that I live in a human body; it's really not so bad. Hence why I call myself "alterhuman" instead of just "nonhuman" entirely. Still can't avoid nor ignore my otherness though, and I don't want to.

I am exclusively open with only some of my online circles about being alterhuman. Nobody I know IRL would understand at all. I'm okay with keeping certain things to myself.

I participate in the Pokémon fandom regularly! I play the games, occasionally watch the anime, and make my own AUs and fanfics and fanart. It's fun.

I often fictionflicker! Mostly for two particular (and very AU) protagonists (Randy Cunningham from RC9GN, and Jack Spicer from Xiaolin Showdown) of my biggest fanfiction/crossover project Retoldverse which I have a blog for here: @retoldverse-crossover-au. It's not a sideblog, I made my own separate new email/account for it to be its own mainblog. Not extremely active but ok I'm done self-plugging...as for other flickers, do other pokémon species count lol?

When I was a teen on Tumblr I gradually began hearing about "otherkin" and after while the mentions became so frequent on my dash, not always in a good light, that I decided to look into 'em and I at first was leery because it seemed very mockable but at the same time the notion seemed familiar to me in a strange way. I must've been...16 maybe? Maybe a little younger. I've been here ever since.

My introduction to fictionkin was basically what I said in #6 lol.

I am similar to vaporeon in that I like being in pools, rivers, and beaches. I can't fuckin' swim though...I sink like a rock whenever I try.

I don't look anything like a vaporeon whatsoever.

@aestherians

I know/have seen a bunch of fictionkin of all kinds.

Never had a canonmate. It would be nice to have at least one.

I doubt it's possible for there to be a double of my kintype because I am just a random vaporeon, not canon to any existing media at all.

Shifts are nice. I get them most often when I'm in or near a body of moving freshwater, less so but still noticeably when I'm in a manmade pool, or when I'm watching environment ambience videos about lakes/river sounds/visuals on YouTube. It can also happen randomly, just springing up on me suddenly.

I don't like KFF, especially not the ones who actually know and understand what they're doing and still do it anyway.

I like symbols/flags/etc. They're neat.

I used to think my kintype was spiritual but now I'm not so sure. More likely psychological and parallel-lifey?

It definitely has something to do with my neurodivergence yeah. I'm autistic.

Nobody's ever pointed out to me that I'm "like a vaporeon" in any sense.

I would like to buy more vaporeon merch one day, probably stuff from Etsy. I have an art charm of a normal vaporeon and a shiny one on the opposite side attached to my wallet currently, I bought it from the Etsy store LoafiDoodles. Totally recommend!

I can't really think of anything I'd change about the fictionkin community tbh.

I appreciate the open-mindedness of the fictionkin community in general, and also in the entire otherkin umbrella.

I can get pretty obsessive over Pokémon in all honesty lol.

The worst anti-fictionkin take I've seen is one we're probably all familiar with: "You're delusional, you're schizophrenic, you're trying and wanting to be something you're not." I hate hearing it.

Haven't seen any "best" anti-fictionkin arguments, imo.

I like listening to environmental ambience of running freshwater like I said before. Not really music except for abstractly.

Sea lions!

I have a favorites folder on DeviantArt just for vaporeon fanart that I really love.

I love fish tacos and I like to float in swimming pools and wade in rivers whenever I get the chance to and the weather is right.

It's pretty cool being a vaporeon, overall. I wouldn't change it.

Link to the blank challenge.

Did it all in a single post because I'd most certainly forget to complete it day-by-day if I did it the normal way.

[1-800-scaryphone]

okay i've been wanting to discuss dad hcs for norm for a long time now (this may or may not be updated later):

D.IALTOWN VERSE:

norm never had children of his own in canon, and i'm carrying that over to my blog (despite how much i love changing canon).

his wife actually really wanted children, but norm was terrified of turning out like his dad and abandoning them (rightfully so, considering that wormhole... 😔)

ironically, norm would have made a great parent, though. he might have been a little more gung-ho about self-reliance and picking yourself up by your bootstraps than most parents, and he'd be the sort of dad to teach his kid to shoot a gun so they could protect themselves from "those commie bastards," but on the whole?? a great parent.

like, tucking his kid in every night and making sure they know they're loved?? that would've been him. he might not have been as scared of losing his family as he would be post-wormhole, but he WOULD want his existing family to know he's there and that he loves them.

which brings me to post-dialtown, because oh my god, i have two parenting scenarios for him and i love them to BITS.

norm would be either a godfather or a second father to gingi's kids (coughs in being shipping trash...). he doesn't understand gingi biology in the SLIGHTEST, but goddammit, he's gotta make sure those kids survive under gingi's care. after all, gingi doesn't even know how to take care of themself- how are they gonna take care of their childer??

norm is horrified and baffled by some of the shit he has to do to care for gingi's kids (feeding them centipedes, for example), but he does it anyway lmao.

one of gingi's babies calls him "daddy" for the first time and he starts tearing up lol

THAT'S NOT EVEN INCLUDING HOW HE REACTED WHEN GINGI NAMED ONE OF THEIR KIDS AFTER HIM, he was genuinely touched but refused to let it show lmao

AND THAT BRINGS ME TO HIM ADOPTING @feralreason 'S WILLIAM...

he cares william so much, that kid is practically his own flesh and blood (genuinely, i think a lot abt how they LOOK like they could be related ok)

he was really REALLY reluctant to play any parental role in william's life at first (despite gradually looking to him as a son), mostly because he has a track record for losing everything he cares about in tragic ways and losing a SON would be devastating

things have turned out okay so far!

he's constantly insecure about his parenting ability even though he's literally the best parental william has EVER had.

basically, norm would do anything for william, and he has no fucking clue that william would do the same (nor the extent of william's appreciation for him).

he's also pretty clueless about most of william's sordid history. he just knows henry was an abusive piece of shit, which was what finally got him to formally adopt william in the first place.

F.NAF / D.SAF CROSSOVER:

this is another one where norm adopts feralreason's william, but this time, william is a baby and has been spared his Henry Trauma(tm)

basically, a baby william ran from the orphanage and was probably gonna pick norm's pocket or smth when norm was actually NICE to him, and the rest is history

again- despite all of norm's reservations about becoming a father beforehand, william is just too precious (in every sense of the word) and is clearly in need of a family. norm has to take this kid in.

norm spoils william a bit more than he would any kid of his own- mostly because of his self-reliant ideals. william is an exception because he's already BEEN living that life. he hasn't had anybody until now, of course norm's gonna give him the best home life he can

F.NAF AU:

the one au where norm doesn't adopt dsilliam, only because dsilliam isn't there-

instead, he's a father to none other than cassidy (with her full name being "cassiopeia"). she gets her bloodlust and thirst for revenge from SOMEWHERE.

with norm still being so scared to have kids, he is incredibly careful to be there for his daughter and never leave her behind...this ultimately doesn't save her, though, and he blames himself BIG-TIME.

he also tried to teach her self-defense and wanted to teach her to shoot a gun before she died. his wife objected to the latter.

norm taught cassidy a good amount of skills and made sure she could take care of herself, though that didn't stop him from being a teensy bit overprotective....he cares ok??

GENERAL:

norm reads his kids bedtime stories and tucks them in every night.

this applies moreso to verses that aren't d.ialtown, but he tells his kids he loves them as much as he can.

if he was to sing his kids a lullaby at night, it would be this.

he loves sharing his fondness for the stars (former fondness, in the case of d.ialtown) with his kids, and makes sure to stargaze with them. he also educates them on constellations along the way. (in cassidy's case, he makes sure to tell her allll about the cassiopeia constellation.)

[navree]

Regarding the rhaena ask as somebody who adores fanon rhaena i think people for get how little characterisation ALL the team black kids have in cannon they basically just exist either to die or build out the family tree in f&b and the show doesn't help with this cutting jace and cregan which is like THE ONE THING JACE DOES??, Rhaena and Baela have like 4 lines each it's insane

Yeah I've been singing this song for a while, the younger gen of Team Black got absolutely no characterization. Jace had a bit in episodes 6 & 7 about having some hangups over Harwin being his father, but I think they abandoned that when they realized that Jace having issues about his birth might make him conflicted about his mom and we can't have that, no one is allowed to view Rhaenyra unsympathetically ever and we can't allow subtleties because this fandom is made up of 90% morons who wouldn't catch them and then would get pissy. Luke also got no characterization other than what appears to be budding sociopathy given that he's never shown any remorse or guilt over nearly killing a person in a fight where he was at fault. It's why I burst out laughing when 1x10 opened, because that whole "mummy I am small bean give me kisses while I bat my doe eyes" scene was so transparently a way to get people to care about Luke so that we wouldn't all be left scratching our heads going "oh OK" when Vhagar ate him, since they utterly failed to develop him at all at that point.

Baela and Rhaena I've always said have it most egregiously. I cannot stress this enough, I could not name five individual characteristics for either of those girls. Did they even have any lines after the second time jump? The writers put no effort into them at all. Zip, zilch, zero. And I'm getting pissy anons (honestly I think it's actually one person who's obsessed with me and just jumps on my ass the second I talk about either Baela or Rhaena because they have nothing better to do than stalk my little blog but that's just a theory) about the fact that I'm not invested in the character? That I don't care about her? That her actions are illogical to me as an audience member because they belie an emotion that was never shown because she got no characterization? No, I'm sorry, blame the writers. I am the consumer of the product, I am the audience, it is actually not incumbent on me to create a character out of whole cloth for the writing team. If they want me to care about Rhaena, put some fucking effort into her character. Give her lines, give her a personality, give her a fucking storyling (I mean, other than Nettles, seeing as how Black women are not in fact interchangeable HBO and it's not even just a racist writing decision, it's straight up bad), put in a modicum of work into her. That's the canon fact, there's nothing there, I'm surprised I have to say this outside of the Batman fandom (fanworks Tim Drake my nemesis) but fanon is not canon, and when I'm asked about canon, I'm discussing the canon, save for when I'm specifically asked to theorize and move beyond it.

It is not my fault that I don't care about a character because the writers decided not to give her anything, nor am I a bad person for fucking pointing it out and just being a bit blunt in my language while doing so. It's not that hard for these writers to actually put their backs into it and write a story, especially with the room they have with Rhaena, since she didn't even fucking do anything for the entire Dance anyway except faff around in the Vale.

I also think the absolutely atrocious way Rhaena and Baela were handled can't really be divorced from some internal prejudices the writers have. I mean, it really hasn't escaped my notice that the two younger gen characters who got the most development were Aegon and Aemond, two men. And it absolutely has not escaped my notice that, even though Helaena got significantly less character moments than her brothers, she still got a base characterization that's remained consistent and can lead to further personal plots in coming seasons (like her dragon-dreaming). Helaena, played by a white actress, was allowed this dignity, while Baela and Rhaena, played by two Black actors, were not. Combined with the lack of care given to the Velaryons as a whole, I've mentioned this before but it doesn't paint a great picture of this writer's room and any real attempts to be diverse and inclusive beyond performative casting that they aren't willing to work with in any meaningful way. Not all of it is internalized prejudices, there was clearly just no effort put into characterizing any of the younger TB characters as a whole (or even any of the TB characters other than Rhaenyra and Daemon in a meaningful way), considering Jace had nothing and Luke could have spent his entire time on the show being played by a literal shrub and it still wouldn't have made a difference. There was clearly more effort put into characterizing the Team Green kids, and conversely none to their Team Black counterparts, but it's still bad writing, and I'm gonna call that out when I see it.