#i spent basically my whole academic life getting in trouble for it

[call-me-pup2]

Won't lie I am a little worried that if I decide to start posting on my 0F again in a few more months that some of my new followers here will be mean about it ;-;

I don't want people that don't support sexworkers on here anyway but doesn't mean I still wouldn't be sad to loose followers for it

[agentravensong]

two scenes i would add to nerdy prudes must die

the thing about being autistic is that i will have no motivation to sit down and write stuff for my grad school applications all day, but then at night i'll find it in me to spend 3+ hours writing a tumblr post about my latest hyperfixation ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

this time that hyperfixation is nerdy prudes must die, a show that, despite still not being my favorite starkid hatchetfield musical, has really dug its claws into me. i'm gonna detail two scenes that i think would add to certain character arcs, give ritchie (and ruth)'s death(s) more impact, and really drive home the show's themes. don't think i need much more preamble than that, so, here we go!

1. Second Lauter family scene

A scene set between Ritchie's death and Ruth's, fitting best in the plot as is right after "Hatchet Town".

Primary purpose: Show more of Steph's character and her relationship with her father; show that the attitudes that made the teens' high school experience hell (pre-ghost!max) are reinforced by the adults

Basic outline: Steph and her dad are having a convo, prompted by the mayor, about how school is going; a kind of convo that, with how awkward it is, clearly doesn't happen often. Lauter says something half-hearted about how it's a shame her high school experience is being ruined by these events, because it was the happiest time of his life (as a contrast to the opinions our protags express in the opening number).

Steph doesn't want to talk about the murder stuff (duh) so she redirects to how her grades have genuinely improved (or at least did for a minute there) thanks to her studying with Pete, in a way that makes it clear she's genuinely proud of her improvement.

Mayor Lauter, in response, tells her that he doesn't want her hanging out with the nerds anymore, in or out of school, because it makes her a target (and also a suspect).

Steph gets upset at this dismissal; what kind of dad, she scoffs, would tell their daughter who was finally succeeding academically to stop trying? Especially when he was the one who told her to get her grades up?

And Mayor Lauter says something to the effect of, "You don't need to be a star student. I know you, Stephanie; that's never going to be you. All you need to be is good enough. Can you just do that for me?"

We have the mayor leave at this point; let's say he gets a phone call, cause that makes sense, and also is a deeply ironic reason for him to leave a family conversation considering his criticism of Steph's phone use. Steph could even point that out as a joke.

Here is where, if we have time, we give Steph a solo number. Well, it could be a solo, or it could be a duet with her dad — the kind where they're not singing to each other or aware that the other is singing, but they're basically singing their different perspectives on the same thing (in this case, their relationship). I propose the duet version because Corey deserves to get to show off his vocals more prominently in these shows.

Alternate ending if we're not doing the song: Steph can storm out, and the mayor can have an ominous line foreshadowing the drastic measures he'll be taking when we see him again.

The idea with this scene is that I want to give more weight to the whole "she's smarter than she thinks she is" angle to Steph's character. Show that she has found something through her bond with the nerds (Pete mainly) that makes her want to be more than just the "cool girl". And show that there is a part of her that wants a better relationship with her father (because if he won't believe in her, be proud of her, then who will?).

But also, we see how her dad has pigeonholed her into being that kind of airhead. All he cares about is that she stays out of trouble (which is to say, anything that would cause trouble for him). He doesn't care what she's genuinely interested in, what she aspires to; he's spent most of her teenage-hood assuming she's not interested in anything worthwhile, that she doesn't aspire to anything. He doesn't see her as a full person.

And, perhaps most importantly, him telling her not to associate with the nerds draws a direct line between him and our main antagonist, Max. Which matters for reasons that will become clearer as I discuss the second additional scene I came up with.

For the record, if I only got to add one of these scenes (NPMD is the longest of the Hatchetfield shows already, and both these scenes would have to be Act 2 additions), I'd pick this next one. So let's get to it.

2. High School Regression scene

Primary purpose: Showing how the murder(s) has/have affected the student body, and making the point that the hierarchies Max represented can't be disposed of that easily when he's still, literally and metaphorically, haunting the place.

This one would happen in between when the protags find out about Ritchie's death and when Grace informs Pete and Steph of Ruth's death. Practically, this means it would have to be set either:

A) right before Ruth goes to the BBQ Monologues rehearsal, with the scene centering around her, and leading directly into her arrival there (maybe replacing the cop convo entirely? maybe they're at the end of it)

or B) as basically a replacement for the Beanie's scene, but still leading into "If I Loved You" (and everything that comes after)

The beat-by-beat for this one is less solid in my head compared to the first scene, but the idea is that we see some of the cheerleaders and jocks going back to bullying Ruth in version A or Pete in version B (though in a less confident and malicious manner than Max did, as if their hearts aren't fully in it). Ruth or Pete gives some pushback and asks what changed to make them revert to this behavior.

I'm not sure how exactly the bullies express the "why", but in plain-speak, it's this: the students know about Ritchie (and Ruth)'s murder(s), and, maybe more importantly, the "nerdy prudes must die" that was written in Richie's blood. The message they've taken from that is that there is a killer reinforcing the social hierarchies they all abandoned when Max died. And so, with that latent threat hanging in the air, these students have decided to fall in line, in the hopes that they'll therefore be spared. Maybe, even, the murders will stop.

(you could also have one or two kids who are genuinely almost as cruel as max and are using this as an excuse to going back to being the assholes they were before, but you'd need more proper set-up for such a character i think)

Version A is pretty straightforward. I like the idea of Pete and/or Steph being there as well so it isn't just Ruth experiencing the misery (considering where things go from here)... but I know that they need to be dressed as different characters for when Ruth gets to the auditorium, so that probably isn't practical. Maybe there'd be time for Mariah to have made that quick change if Joey really stretched out his bit? But I know the change was tight even for Angela as is.

For version B, you could have the bullies find Steph and Pete at or on their way to Beanie's and be assholes to them there (because it makes sense to me that Steph and Pete would want to have their potentially incriminating conversation off high school grounds), but I think it has more thematic punch to set it in the high school.

Wherever it's set, in version B, Steph and Pete talk a bit about how the bullies' regression sucks, how things are even worse now than they were before Max died, which then leads into their conversation as it is in the actual show over whose fault this all is.

With Pete specifically, I think it'd be neat to call back to what he said to Steph way back in the show about his desire to blend in, to be invisible. That maybe, for a little bit, he liked being accepted, being important (to one person in particular), but it wasn't worth it. And with Steph, if we do have the second dad convo in this version of the show, we can maybe have her comment on how even her dad seems to believe in this bullshit social hierarchy, how they might never escape it.

I mentioned in my post detailing my initial nerdy prudes thoughts that I wished Pete and Steph had a convo that felt like Paul and Emma's convo right before "Join Us and Die". Basically, this is my attempt to give these teens that, without adding an entirely new scene just for that.

As a whole, this scene is my best attempt to Make Something of the themes and plot threads that are so well set up but get kind of lost in the last... third? of the show. Plenty of people have rightly posted that the adults are the real villains of this story. Max isn't scary just because he's one guy; he's representative of larger ideas, a larger system, perpetuated by those adults. Hierarchy, competition, and domination, treated as the natural, necessary state of the world. A system that reduces the personhood of all those ensnared in it.

Those ideas won't just disappear with his death. Max might have peaked in high school even if he lived because of the specific brand of boisterous asshole he was, but the world that instilled those ideas in him, the world beyond high school, will keep fostering and enforcing them, in its more mundane, subtle (comparatively) ways. It will keep producing more Maxs, and more Solomon Lauters.

Like, the whole "fuck clivesdale" bit is a running joke, and a funny one! But, also, I think there's something to be said about the fact that both the teens and adults are all in on this seemingly one-way rivalry, and how much focus is placed on it, in a show about *bullying*. A show about people who have arbitrary labels slapped on them as an excuse to be cruel to them.

"you're fucking losers, and we'll kill you!" isn't that far off as a sentiment from "nerdy prudes must die", is it?

and, like. their team name is the clivesdale chemists. chemists, like, nerds. it's supposed to be part of the joke, i'm pretty sure, that they're named after something nerdy, not a cool animal. if that parallel isn't intentional, then, i dunno man. it's still there either way.

(see also: the musical motif underneath the "who will pray for me" section of nerdy prudes must die also appearing as the chorus of "hatchet town". a motif that plays both when max asks ritchie who will remember him (who will remember *them*), right before enacting his ultimate "justice", and when the adults twist their memories into an excuse for a witch hunt, their own paranoid search for "justice".)

In real life, getting rid of the one asshole at the top of a rotten system doesn't fix the system. If the non-nerdy teens in this school were impressionable enough that one asshole could make them all act in line with his arbitrary beliefs, then his haunting presence (even if they don't know it's literally his ghost) should absolutely have *some* effect on them too.

And I think if you included a scene like this, it would make all that stuff in the script that's subtext, or half-developed, feel like it really was intentional, purposeful.

Does that all make sense? I hope so.

I know that actually trying to fit both of these into the show would require cutting some other stuff down for time, and it would complicate scene transitions and maybe fuck with the overall pacing. Really, this is more a thought experiment than anything else. I'm just glad to have it out of my head after it's been brewing there for multiple days, There's other stuff I'd change if I were to do a full edit of the script, sure, but these are the big things that really would've made the show click for me on the level tgwdlm does.

[marleycrowe]

[ skeet ulrich, cis male, he/him ] — whoa! MARLEY CROWE just stole my cab! not cool, but maybe they needed it more. they have lived in the city for 1 YEAR, working as an ODD JOB MAN. that can’t be easy, especially at only 42 YEARS OLD. some people say they can be a little bit UNSTABLE and IMPULSIVE , but i know them to be RESOURCEFUL and RESILIENT. whatever. i guess i’ll catch the next cab. hope they like the ride back to QUEENS! 

(TW:Death, Mental Health, Grief, Alcohol, Addiction, Trauma) -

Before New York.

Marley grew up on a disused farm. With plenty of overgrown land to explore. He spent most of his childhood playing with sticks, rocks and mud. He had a vibrant imagination and could spend whole summers just amusing himself surrounded by nature.

He was homeschooled by his mother until he was about 15. He's got the basics down, but, it was clear from an early age that he wasn't the academic type.

From he was about 10, his father began to teach him a little bit of everything he knew. They went hunting together and he taught him basic woodworking as well as home and vehicle maintenance. They were never particularly close, but Marley looks back on their time of silent co-working with great nostalgia.

He worked mainly as a carpenter until he was 36. He still lived in the family home, maintaining the property as his parents got older. However, his life took a drastic turn. His father died suddenly and the grief took his mother a few years later. Now completely alone, he began to neglect both his home and himself as he turned to alcohol to try and cope with the sudden change in his life.

Desperate to turn things around, on a sudden whim of rare clarity, he booked himself into a treatment centre in New York, selling the family home to afford his medical care as well as an apartment.

-

Present Day.

Marley lasted less than six months in the rehabilitation programme before he insisted that he could do it alone and that having all the people around him was just making things worse. And so, he left and took his few belongings to the cheap apartment he'd purchased in Queens.

Marley works, but, he's extremely inconsistent. He's good with his hands and takes up a lot of 'cash-in-hand' style odd jobs. Such as painting, woodwork, basic household plumbing/electrics and other manual labour jobs. However, getting him to show up and be reliable when he does, is often a struggle.

He often has little cash and that he does have he tends to squander. So, it wouldn't be unusual to see him dumpster diving or thrifting for essentials. His current prized possession is a wind-up vinyl player as he can still enjoy it whenever his electric gets cut off.

His home is in relative squalor. Despite his ability to tend to things, he is neglectful both of himself and his surroundings. His home is untidy. He doesn't have too many possessions, but, they tend to be strewn around as he sets things down and forgets about them.

Marley wants to do better for himself. But, he's ambivalent between feeling he deserves more out of his life, and feeling that he's ruined his chances and may as well not bother trying, as he feels he'll only fail anyway.

-

Wanted Connections. (These are starting off points that could help drum up ideas.)

The Bad Influence. Someone who's only there for a good time. A fairweather friend. Marley can be witty and excitable, but he can also be impulsive and end up in over his head. You love the fun you guys have together, but, when it goes on too long and he ends up in trouble, you're nowhere to be seen.

The Mother Hen. Someone who genuinely wants to be his friend and wants to help him be the best version of himself he can be. In a sense, you feel sorry for him. It makes you feel better to help him clean up, or to fix him breakfast or tend to his wounds. Though, you draw a line and refuse to engage in his self destructive behaviours alongside him.

The Romantic Interest. Someone who sees something special in Marley. Maybe you think you can fix him, maybe you love him just the way he is. You just want to be there and be part of the journey, if only he'd let you in.

The Dog Catcher. Someone who's sick of Marley always bothering them. Perhaps you're a small business owner and he's rummaging around in your dumpster leaving a mess, or, you're a neighbour and his 3am music sessions are keeping you awake. Whatever the reason, you want the problem muzzled before it gets out of hand.

The Raccoon. Marley seems to know all the good spots in town to get a free meal or cheap items. You happen to know he's also able to make furniture and fix up cars. You want him to like you, and you want to help him, but, only because he has the ability to help you in return if he lets you tag along.

The Concerned Onlooker. Someone who frequents the same bars as Marley. You've seen him fall asleep in there as many times as you've seen him get kicked to the kerb. You don't know him too well, but, you have a casual chat here and there before things get too intense. Maybe you should say something, but, is it really your place?

[dizzymuses]

❆・:*｡( nam joohyuk. twentysix. cis man. ) | look who entered the cabin! it’s HAJOON NA. HE is known for being the HIMBO of the group & that’s because they can be AFFABLE but also NAIVE. we bet they’re excited to be coming back to the cabin. they believe GUY.EXE by SUPERFRUIT is the best way to describe them. wonder what trouble they’ll be getting into this season.

hi hi, okay finally getting around to writing this intro. sadly, still not on my laptop bc god forbid anything ever gets delivered as planned lol. so pls forgive me if this turns out somewhat sub-par, i’m typing it on my equally sub-par ipad keyboard rip. fingers crossed i might get my charger on monday. but let’s get to business - this is hajoon, who also happens to be a brand new muse for me. he’s equal parts precious baby and big headed idiot. v sociable, trusting and endearing but also probably up to some dumb shit at any given time. let’s get into it (yuh) SKJDFHK

basics.

name: hajoon na.

nicknames: joon, joonie. 

gender: cis man.

pronouns: he/him.

age: 26.

date of birth: march 19th, 1996 (making him a pisces).

place of birth: harbor springs, michigan.

nationality: american

ethnicity: korean.

occupation: dog trainer, tiktok creator.

orientation: bisexual, biromantic. 

biography.

hajoon na was born as the first child to hyunjin na and angelica kwon, respectively an accountant and a nurse. both of them were overjoyed to welcome their son and start their little family, which had until then only consisted of the two of them and their dog valentine. however, they shouldn’t remain such a small family for very long as hajoons little sister was born only two years after him, making his run as an only child ever so short-lived. hajoon didn’t resent his sister though, instead fully embracing this new role as her older brother. it was fun to have somebody he could take care of and who would blindly follow his lead for quite a few years.

while there family was never rich, they didn’t have to worry for much, especially since their parents placed both of their well-being before most other concerns. their education was another one of the things they really cared for and so the whole family even travelled through europe twice when hajoon was in his teens. all in all, he wasn’t ever a disappointment to his parents, eager to please them. however, he also wasn’t quite the high-achiever they might have wished for. always getting good but honestly no exceptional grades, even though he was already studying much more than he personally would have liked. his sister, harin, proved herself to be much more the academic his parents were hoping for.

honestly, it wasn’t always easy for joon to have a younger sister who quite possibly was much smarter than him but in the end he was glad for her and his parents. they got what they wanted after all, with a daughter who soaked up all the knowledge she could get her hands on, especially everything space related. on the other hand, hajoon coasted through college, not quite smart enough to be of notice but certainly well liked by his peers. he was always one of the popular kids, despite never really trying. while others might have stepped on people to get them up the ranks, he had never done anything of particular note aside from having a massive glow-up in his teens and genuinely being nice to pretty much everyone.

maybe it’s the fact that he’d always been so effortlessly popular or the way his parents were basically as supportive as could be but it means that hajoon grew up to often blindly trust others and be pretty self-assured. sure, he knows now that he certainly isn’t extraordinarily smart but extraordinarily handsome was also worth something, right? after school he didn’t quite know what to do with life and so he took an infamous gap-year, mostly spent volunteering at the local animal shelter. it was there that he realised he wanted to work with animals long-term and so he began working towards becoming a certified dog trainer.

by now he works as a dog trainer, having opened his own training center with a friend of his. through a tiktok he once made with his own dog, friday, which was mostly meant to be educational, he had already gotten a small following on the site. ever since the group’s tiktok blew up in 2019 and the show was aired afterwards, however, that following had become quite sizeable and he has continued posting. i would personally describe his content as a wild mixture of educational dog training tips, tiktok’s everyone but himself would describe as thirst traps and dad jokes. harin always tells him he should stick exclusively with dog content because the rest of it is supposedly cringe af. but the internet at large doesn’t quite seem to agree with that assessment.

ok, that is all i have for u rn bc this is getting on my last nerve.i’d love to brainstorm some plot ideas w u and get things going for my boi. tysm for reading through this and maybe i’ll add to it once i have a proper keyboard again kfdjhkdfd.

[nerdycanible1]

Lin's Broken Heart

⚠️Note⚠️:This is my interpretation of what had happened between Suyin and Lin. I want you to know that this will have mentions of suicide. So please do not read it.

Summary: Lin Beifong grew up in a chaotic household. She believes she's not good enough and is hurting but doesn't understand why. This is a story of her time growing with Toph and Suyin. Please note that this is a sad story. ÒwÒ please don't hate me qwq.

Words: 2,740 words 14,375 characters

((Sorry for the spelling errors.))

⚠️Read at your own risk⚠️

As strong, and amazing Lin Beifong was, she was still human. She still had nightmares, she has trouble sleeping and there are times she doesn't eat.

Lin was a woman that was always meant to be strong, to be powerful and to never show weakness. People think she's so powerful they believe words won't hurt or or nothing can break her.

But what they didn't know was that Lin has always suffered from depression. At a young age, she was happy at times and other times she wasn't.

It started when she began to realize that her uncle Sokka wasn't her dad. She noticed all the kids in school had a mother and a father.

She remembered the kids gushing about their father's and felt like there was something wrong with her. People teased her and often said hurtful things just because she didn't have a dad.

She remembered her mother always brushing the topic off as if it were no big deal. Told her that her father was just some poor smuck that wasn't ready. It may not have been a huge thing for Toph but it was for Lin.

Anything to do with father's, she began to resent. She even stopped calling Sokka dad and started calling him uncle.

The second incident was when she couldn't grasp metalbending. She was so stressed and tired. Her mom spent a whole week calling her weak, telling her that she got it just after a couple of hours.

Soon 3 weeks passed and Lin still didn't bend the metal. Her mother walked away pissed. Lin stood in the court yard with huge tears in her eyes and sniffled. The 8 year old could only handle so much.

At the end of the month Toph deemed her training over. She patted her shoulder and sighed. "Not everyone is meant to bend metal kid." And with that Toph walked quietly into the house ready to give up teaching Lin.

Lin whimpered and collapsed to her knees. Night after night she prayed to the spirits, and had asked them for help. Asked them to have her mom be proud of her. And here she was with her mothers back to her.

Lin was 9 years old when she began to bend and her uncle Sokka took her out to go eat. Toph said she had a case to go over and only said "Congrats kid."

Lin felt numb and just sad. She held her uncle Sokka and tried to keep her smile on for him. After all, who would want to care for a whimpy child.

When Su began to show signs of being an Earthbender, Toph immediately called off work and said it was important. Toph spent quality time with Suyin and began to show her how to bend.

Lin only watched from her training on how her mother applauded Suyin and lifted her up saying how proud she was. Lin couldn't help but think Toph had another child because Lin was incompetent.

Suyin was 6 and a half years old when she began to metalbend. She remembered Toph dropping everything just to see Suyin herself. Lin was teasing her sister saying she couldn't metalbend till she was older and here they were with a prodigal sister that bent metal on her first try.

She watched as Toph threw a party and celebrated with everyone and how Suyin was able to metalbend. Lin didn't go to the celebration. Instead, Tenzin took her out to meet the bisons. Oogi seemed rather protective of Lin and took a liking to her.

Lin couldn't complain much about her childhood. She had a home, food on her table, a nice bed and even a great education. Everytime she felt sad or angry her mother told her that some kids had less. That some kids would happily take her place.

It wasn't what Lin needed to hear, it was just another reminder that Suyin was basically a replacement for her.

She never told anyone her thoughts. Never told anyone on how much she was suffering because she thought she was being irrational. There were times she cried herself to sleep, there were times she didn't eat her food. And there were times she had nightmares but never told anyone.

Lin was just a little girl suffering because she didn't know what she deserved. Lin had always felt guilty for crying too much, she knew it was impractical to cry because she was sad.

People often wondered why she cried when she was angry and wondered why she always got into fights. After her mother stopped coming to her school about her having another fight, Lin knew she needed to change.

Lin being the way she was expected to change over night. She made sure she did everything in school, stayed away from bullies and even began to take extra classes.

She went from being one of the worst students in her school to one of the top testers. If she couldn't be good at metal bending then she could be better at academics.

Tenzin saw how sad Lin was and every time he brought it up, Lin would fight him. Every time Kya tried to bring it up Lin would snap at her. And every time Bumi brought it up Lin stayed quiet.

They of course saw the difference between the sisters. How they fought constantly. How they were both different people. They kissed the care free Lin. They missed her so kuch that they even kidnapped Lin just so they can hang out.

By the time Lin was 16 she was young to be moved up to a high grade so she could graduate early. She showed her grades to her mother, told her the good news and all Toph said was "That's great Lin. Can you you make you and your sisters dinner tonight?"

◇◇◇

Lin knew she was being pretty but she was jealous of her younger sister. She was able to make friends easily, was able to fight and managed a B average. That is until her sister began to skip school.

Lin began to notice the change, how her sister would give her snide remarks or how she would start trying on makeup. Whenever Lin brought it up to her mother, her mother would say "I didn't even go to school."

Lin began to set a curfew for her sister to be home. It work for only a few weeks before her sister didn't even listen to her. Since Toph never backed her up Suyin began to say that no one was the boss of her.

Lin tried many times to tell her mother that Su was sneaking around with guys that were years older. Told her that it was dangerous for her to be out in the dark of night.

Toph always said, "Well she's a big girl, she can fight." Or "So what? Not like she would care anyways." Or "Tenzin's older than you and yet you're dating him. And don't act like you're miss pure, you snuck out to Airtemple Island."

No matter how hard she tried to get it through her mothers head, Toph didn't listen and neither did Su.

Lin would stay up for hours and hours only to have Suyin come back late.

Suyin was 15 when she first came home intoxicated. Lin was so worried for her only to have her sister stumbled through the door with a help of two boys that were clearly older than 18.

Lin made them scram and sat with her sister helping her sickness. It was around 5 in the morning Suyin had come, and Lin had a long two days at work and now she was up and taking care of her sick sister.

She sat in the living room in the dark. She had a bottle of her mothers stash in her hand and she drinking it down. Suyin was throwing her life away and Toph didn't care.

She sat there in the dark wondering if her mother even cared. By the time Lin had woken up it was noon. She sat up with a groan and slowly got off the couch.

"And how many boys did you beat?" Toph asked as she and Suyin cooked breakfast.

Suyin giggled. "5. I drank half a bottle of vodka before they quit."

Toph gasped and laughed. "Well you sure are your mothers daughter." She grinned. "Don't tell your sister that you can drink more than her." She whispered.

Lin watched them before she sat the bottle down and headed to her room. It was enough to see that her mother had yet let Suyin do whatever she wanted.

She laid in bed not even changing and just laid against her wall. There was a knock on her door. "Breakfast is made Lin." She called out.

Lin didn't answer and just held her pillow as silent tears streamed down her cheeks. "Come on you slept in all day. You should be awake." She yelled.

Lin continued to ignore her. "Just let her pout. Now come on tell me what else had happened."

Suyin stared at her sisters door and frowned gently. She was wondering if it was her mom that helped her through her bad hang over or if it was Lin.

By the end of the night Lin had her window opened. She listened to the city sounds and just looked at the twinkling lights. She took a drag of her cigarette and just released it.

A small gasp was heard and Lin turned to look over to see Suyin. "I... didn't know you... smoked."

Lin rolled her eyes and put it out. "What does it matter. None of you guys know anything." Lin muttered as she stood up.she walked over to her closet and grabbed a bag and began to fill it.

Suyin frowned at the attitude and crossed her arms. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Lin waved her off and began to look through her clothes. "Nothing. What do you want? Do you need me to cook or something?"

Suyin shook her head and frowned. "I just... I came to say thank you." She mumbled.

Lin raised a brow and looked at her. "For what?" She asked as she grabbed a pair of clothing.

"For taking care of me last night. I wanted to... say I was sorry for coming home that late." She mumbled as she waited for Lin to lash out at her.

Lin looked at her and looked away. "Well it sure saved you from a hangover."

Suyin blinked in surprise from the lack of yelling or Lin's attitude. She was relieved but then upset at the same time. "Are you okay? You... don't seem like yourself?"

Lin grabbed another cigarette and lit it up feeling a bit anxious. "I'm fine. Nothing to worry about." She took a drag and leaned against the wall.

"You don't seem okay. Is there anything I can do?" Suyin was genuinely worried about her sister. All their lives they kept each other at a distance but that didn't mean she didn't care for her sister. There were times they slept together and times Lin would laugh with her. They uses to be so close.

Lin looked at her and gave a smile with no emotion. "I'll stop." She finally spoke. "I'll stop the nagging. I won't wait up for you anymore." Lin swallowed roughly and closed her eyes.

"I can't do it anymore. You don't listen to me and mom doesn't seem to care." Lin laughed softly and shook her head. "Do what you want Su." She finished her cigarette and grabbed her bag. Tossing in some of her sleeping medication and other pills Suyin didn't know Lin took.

Suyin watched her sister shocked. She hasn't seen look this emotionless before. All the times she's seen her, she was agitated, mad or even smiling. This wasn't the Lin she knew.

"Lin?" She asked hopeless. "Where are you going?" She asked noticing the bag.

Lin walked past her and stopped at her door. She stopped and placed her favourite bracelet on Su's arm. "Hopefully to finally get some sleep." She kissed her her head and hugged her. "A long sleep, I'm tired."

Su hugged her back but couldn't shake the feeling at the back of her head. Why... did this feel like a goodbye? "You're going to come back right?" Su asked shaken up, tears already forming in her eyes.

Lin smiled and ksised her forehead and nodded. "Don't worry about it. I just need sleep." Was all she said. She ruffled her hair. "Goodnight Su." And with that Lin began to head out.

Lin stopped at her mother room to see her sleeping. Lin smiled and placed two pieces of wood down. Each a carving Lin made of herself and Su. "Night mom." Lin whispered.

Suyin watched her exit the house, Lin seemed oddly quiet. She looked at the house once more before she smiled and closed the door. "Goodbye." Lin whispered.

◇◇◇

"HOW COULD YOU!!?" Suyin screamed. Tears were gliding down her cheeks as Suyin began to try and hit Lin. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" Loud high pitched wails left Su's mouth as she tried to attack her sister.

Toph held Suyin back as she was at a loss for words. A hard lump was in her throat and she didn't say anything.

Lin laid in the hospital bed still feeling numb. Tears streamed down her face as she stared at her family blankly. Flashes of that night replayed in her head and she grit her teeth.

"Why would you do it!! You promised you'd come back!" Suyin said as she was finally getting tired. Suyin yelled at her for over and an hour and her mom had yet said anything. Suyin soon fell to the floor as she held her hands to the floor as she just cried.

Lin released a small sob as she covered her face. "I just wanted sleep." She said with a shaky breath. "I just wanted to sleep." She whimpered.

Toph stood there feeling her younger daughter tremble and cry her heart out and listened to her oldest daughter cry in pain. How did she not notice this? Her daughters heart has been broken for a very long time. How could she not have noticed?

Toph lifted up her daughter slowly and rubbed Suyin's trembling back. "I uhh..." Toph swallowed roughly. "I'm sorry kiddo. I really am." And with that she left the room to bring Suyin home.

It was a couple weeks when Lin was let out of the hospital. She was given some medication and of course wine for hysteria. Lin was to excersize every day, be put on a healthy diet and to drink 3 glasses of wine at night.

Lin was sitting in her room as Kya came over to help clean out Lin's room and help her move to air temple island. Suyin had yet to talk to Lin, Toph didn't seem to come out of her room till Lin was passed out. And whenever they were in the same room everyone was walking on eggshells around her.

Tenzin rubbed Lin's back and kissed her temple. "Let's go Lin." Tenzin coddled. Ever since the incident it was like everyone was afraid to say anything or touch Lin.

Lin sipped her wine quietly as she stared out at the city. She swore to everyone that she was fine when in reality she was dying inside. She knew now that everyone hated her even more so she promised that she would stay alive.

Not just for the sake of your family but the city. In the hospital Lin saw many different people. Some homeless, others single parents, soem kids. They were all different and then the same. They all needed help. Lin's problems weren't even a fraction of the peoples. And here she was, with a family that loved her, a beautiful home, a paying job.

She promised she would take care of the city. If not for herself. Then for the people. She swallowed roughly her wine and stood up feeling woozy. Lin wasn't one for alcohol and having to drink it every day was rather intense.

She slowly wobbled to her bed and sunk into it with a sigh. She had to get better for the city. She promised herself that.

[gra-sonas]

A lot has changed since Roswell, New Mexico last aired.

There's been a global pandemic, a presidential election, a few billionaires spent like 10 minutes in space, and the United States government confirmed the existence of UFOs. Sure, they're calling them "unidentified aerial phenomena," but the gist remains the same: there are probably aliens out there.

"It just made me laugh so hard," Roswell star Jeanine Mason tells E! News of her reaction to the news. "My castmates and I were just laughing and being like, 'WB's PR budget is through the roof this year!' I'm just so impressed. Good work, team!"

In fact, the cast is hoping their devotion to aliens, in the form of their alien-centric TV show, might give them a leg up when the time comes.

"I mean, it's why we're all here. We love it," Mason says. "Anytime something pops up, we're all texting each other like, 'It's happening! It's happening! Maybe they'll come for us first!'"

Until the aliens come for us all, we've got a whole season of Roswell, New Mexico to watch, and a mystery to solve. At the end of season two, Max (Nathan Dean Parsons), Michael (Michael Vlamis) and Isobel (Lily Cowles) awakened a stowaway named Mr. Jones who looked an awful lot like a bearded version of Max.

Not only does that mean that Parsons is pulling double duty this season, but it also means that there's a mystery to solve. What is this guy's deal?

When the finale aired, then showrunner Carina Adly Mackenzie said that he might not necessarily be a villain, and that the story of Max's family history was going to be "complicated." Mackenzie has since left the show, and Mason says the story has changed.

"It's completely shifted in terms of what her intention was," she shares. "We just took it and made our own thing, which was fun."

Now, Mr. Jones is the key to all the answers the aliens—and Liz—have been searching for.

Season three picks up about a year after the end of season two, with everyone in Roswell getting used to their new alien friend and life without Liz. Liz is working at a lab in California, secretly trying to put her alien DNA knowledge to good use while finding a cure for her ailing friend Maria (Heather Hemmens).

While Max has been trying to move on (after Liz basically dumped him for burning down her lab), Liz has been getting to know her new coworker, Keith (Steven Krueger). While the fans may want her to get back to Roswell and Max ASAP, Mason says Liz is living it up in California.

"She hasn't really taken a second to realize that her life in LA is actually pretty great," Mason says. "She's got a smoking hot lab partner who's brilliant, and they really are a meeting of minds, the two of them. They're really fun off the top. I had a really great time cultivating a new kind of romance."

Where Max and Liz were not exactly on the same page, academics-wise, Liz and Keith "speak the same language." But of course, Liz isn't going to just shed years of history with Max that quickly, and she'll be back in Roswell before we know it.

"She willingly goes back because she's just got too much to sort out with this new Jones character, and she gets back in her heroic, 'Let's solve this, let's figure this out' mode," Mason says, though Liz doesn't even yet know about Max's doppelganger. "I think she's pulled to this because it is deeply her purpose, to be a protector of these aliens."

And no matter how much time they spend apart or how many other people they meet, Max and Liz are never just going to be rid of each other.

"We talk so much this season [about] this extended metaphor that [showrunner Chris Hollier] created for Liz and Max of them orbiting each other constantly, and that orbit pulling her back to him," Mason notes, though there are a lot of obstacles for this couple to figure out. "I think ultimately she left because she felt as if she's not being respected enough and included enough and being considered one of this alien trio enough."

But Mason says Liz realizes she's also to blame, for leaving and for not being a great partner, and Liz owns up to that this season, especially after a year away.

"At the end of season two, emotions were just so raw. With Liz and Max, it was like, I can't even look at you," she shares. "It felt good to imagine her having had sufficient time to process."

Liz has also had time to take on a whole new system of injustice with her new job, a massive corporation with a name like Generex. If you're having trouble imagining that a place like that on a show like this has only the world's best interests in mind, you're on the right track!

"That was a really fun thing for Chris and I to craft," Mason says. "He was really passionate about Liz and all of her abilities showing up fully for Generex, and the ways these talented scientists of color who are so deeply underrepresented hope that their work will be a part of servicing the community and the communities they come from and are just often used and abused."

Liz will be trying to contribute and change the world, but wrestling with the fact that the company she's working for isn't morally aligned with her own values.

"You would hope that you would never have to have your career, your progress stifled by companies that are also against you fundamentally, and it just felt like the right thing to honor this season," the actress explains. "She's a scientist, and this is something we can only imagine a lot of marginalized scientists of color and women all deal with."

Mason couldn't spill too many details about where the season is going, but she could say that it's all "bonkers," and the sci-fi of it all has been upped in the face of the pandemic.

"We were like, 'Let's just use their powers.' You don't have to use your powers within six feet!" Mason says. "So things are just flying and exploding and the stunts are insane."

Mason also dropped one early tease that she may or may not get in a little trouble for.

"Chris told me I'm not allowed to say this, but I'm gonna say it anyway: the last two scenes of this season are a game changer," she says. "I cannot wait for OG fans to see them."

[argylemnwrites]

Live And Die This Way

Pairing: Colt Kaneko x MC (Ellie Whitnall)

Book: Ride or Die (post book 1)

Word Count: ~5900

Rating: R (language, brief 30 diamond content - N*FW, referenced violence)

Summary: How do you create the life you crave? And what is the cost?

Author’s Note: Written for @rodappreciationweek Day 4 - MC. This is a direct companion piece to my Colt entry “He Knew” and will reference many of same events covered there, but it does stand on it’s own. This piece was envisioned first, with my Colt piece kind of springing forth from the future I saw for those two while crafting this fic. In addition to the content mentioned in the rating, content warning for infidelity.

Ellie didn’t know how to feel about college. Not so much about her coursework - that always made perfect sense after years of AP and honors classes. More about her “college experience” or whatever cliche phrase described how it was to just live as a freshman in Turren Hall on the west side of Langston’s quad.

She liked her independence. She could eat what she wanted, go where she wanted, do what she wanted. If the end of her senior year had been more traditional, she probably would have been buzzing from all of her freedoms. She had her first taste of alcohol. She made out with a cute boy at a house party. She ate ice cream for dinner and ordered pizza with Rebecca, her roommate, at midnight. She was enjoying herself.

But her new friends acted like these little things were the pinnacle of independence, and it was hard for her to relate to that. Not when she’d experienced the thrill of pushing the speedometer up over 100 MPH, felt the power of an engine revving at 5000 RPM, and jumped from moving vehicle to moving vehicle at highway speeds.

She liked her new friends and classmates well enough, but she never talked to them about who she’d been in Gramercy Park. She didn’t bring up the MPC and her brief time with them. She certainly never mentioned Colt.

It’s not that she disliked college, she just was struggling to put it all together, the person she was in New Hampshire with the person she’d become in LA. On the weekends, she found herself just going on drives, trying to reclaim that thrill, that rush. She found a county highway about 20 miles from campus where she could floor it and feel the speed settling deep into her bones. She always went on these trips alone, even as she started seeing Chris more and more often. He wouldn’t get it.

Chris wanted to officially be her boyfriend. She’d sensed it for months, but he finally asked her one Saturday in April. His roommate had gone home for the weekend, so Ellie had spent the night in his room. She liked Chris well enough. He was a chemical engineering major, he was cute, and with his short, curly, blond hair, he looked nothing like either of the guys that had turned her life upside down one year earlier. 

The trouble was any connection between them was superficial. On paper, they seemed so similar - both of them had been valedictorian, science and math nerds, only children raised in protective Catholic households. But he only saw “Langston Ellie,” he only liked that part of her. He didn’t have this drive for something more - more thrilling, more adventurous, more stimulating. So she kept things between them casual, and when summer break rolled around and she made her way back to LA, she didn’t feel any guilt about trying to track down Colt.

He must have gotten a new phone with a new number as part of his plan to “lay low” and evade arrest, and Kaneko Auto Shop was still a boarded up shell, scorch marks visible along the walls. But she eventually found him, less than 36 hours before she was leaving, of course. It was almost fitting, seeing him at the sideshow, the place where she’d first met him. She wasn’t sure if he saw her, but she spotted him right away, standing off in the shadows, talking with a couple of men, wearing that same leather jacket.

At some point, he must have noticed her, because he couldn’t just let her dance with Darius and Riya. Instead, he’d wrapped his arm around her waist, and it was like stepping into a time machine, as if no time had passed, as if they’d seen each other last week, not last year. Riding back to his new place and falling into bed with him was the first time she’d felt truly awake in ages.

Any illusion that sex with Colt just seemed better than sex with Chris because he’d been her first and she hadn’t had a point of comparison went straight out the window. It wasn’t that sex with Chris was bad, but with Colt… it was raw and primal and intense, and those were not ever words that could be used to describe Chris. Chris in bed seemed scared he would hurt her, so he just tried to coax her to the peak of pleasure. Colt wanted to stake claim, to possess her, to drive her higher and higher. He knew how strong she really was, and it made her heart soar.

She knew she was heading back to New Hampshire, and that tonight with Colt would be just that - one night. It’s why she didn’t ask him about the Brotherhood. Hearing about his inevitable ventures into bloody vengeance would just lead to a fight, and there was little point in ruining this little moment in time with that. This was a reprieve, not a promise, and that meant some things were better left unsaid. 

So the sun came up and Colt drove Ellie back to her father’s home, but not before adding his new number to her phone. She packed up her suitcase and tanked up the Shokai Fourier and made the drive across the country, back to Langston and a world of academics and being a “good girl.” But now she had another outlet. Anytime she craved that thrill, she would text him. Sometimes it was a bratty little insult. Sometimes it was a barely clothed selfie. But he always responded. And as she started sophomore year, it felt like she might be figuring out a way to merge the two sides of her life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Texting Colt became a new form of an adrenaline rush when she somehow stumbled into a relationship with Chris. She knew it was wrong, that Chris didn’t deserve the way she was treating him. Being kind of dull was not failing. But the problem was that “Langston Ellie” didn’t have a reason not to date him. So over Valentine’s dinner, he became her boyfriend. 

It was a balance, that thrill that came from sneaking out for a drive or shooting Colt a dirty little text versus the pit of guilt that sat in her stomach. She tried to justify it to herself when the guilt got to be too much, telling herself that nothing physical had happened with Colt while she and Chris were together, but that was a flimsy excuse.

The issue was that she felt like herself, vibrant and happy, and the more she pushed the boundaries on what was acceptable in her personal life, the more she excelled elsewhere. She was setting the curve in almost all her classes. Her research was going well enough to get approved for the Summer Scholars Program, which came with a generous stipend. It’s like she had to be doing something “wrong” to feel complete, and since stealing cars wasn’t an option at the moment, this is what she settled for. She wasn’t sure what that said about her as a person.

But she kept living her double life for months and months until one day in October, things all came to a head. She got a call from a number with a 310 area code, but she didn’t recognize it, so she let it go to voicemail. When she finally got a chance to listen to it an hour later, after her meeting with Dr. Frisch, it felt like the world might just swallow her whole. Her father was too young, too healthy to have a heart attack, to need bypass surgery, to be in the ICU.

It had taken her 15 hours to email her advisor, request a leave of absence, and receive approval, email Dr. Frisch to withdraw from his research group, and to pack up her room in the off-campus apartment she and Rebecca were renting and load up the Shokai Fourier. She spent far too much of that time breaking up with Chris.

It hadn’t even occurred to her to let him know about Dad until he’d texted her after dinner time, asking if she was still on for an ice cream run to Gilly’s. What followed was him coming over, with hours of talking, of him trying to calm her, tell her everything was going to be fine. She’d gotten frustrated, asked him how he could possibly know her dad was going to be okay. It was messy and awful, their first and last fight, all culminating with her kicking him out and sending him back to his apartment when he dared to suggest she was too emotional to be making these decisions in the moment.

The drive to LA was a long one, filled with tears and regrets. It felt like her fault. She’d put him through hell senior year, only to leave him all alone to flit off to college, where she had just coasted by, chasing down the high of adrenaline in destructive ways. Instead of stopping at a motel to rest, she drove the 3000 miles basically straight through, resting for a few hours in a parking lot in Iowa, but otherwise relying on Red Bull and coffee to get her through the drive. She’d gone to drop off her stuff at her father’s place, but when she arrived, she couldn’t bring herself to unlock the door. Even though the latest update from Dr. Ginde had been that her father was improving, she couldn’t bear to go inside, to see memories of him and her mother plastered everywhere, all by herself.

So she’d driven over to Gramercy Park. The shop was open now. She knew that was the plan, but it was still nice to see it with her own two eyes. She locked her car and went inside, taking in the bustle and the activity, cars hoisted on jacks, an air compressor hissing in the background. If she had recognized any of the people working in the shop, she almost could have believed that no time had passed.

Some guy with dreads went to go find Colt for her as she stood there, feeling both out of place and at home at the same time. Finally, he emerged, grease streaks on his t-shirt and jeans, his hair just a little shorter than she remembered. He took her into his office and listened as she told him what happened. No questions, no platitudes, no infantilization. Just understanding and comfort, and when she told him she didn’t know how to go home alone, he’d just told her to follow him back to his place.

Staying with Colt was like falling back into a former life. She hung around the garage, reconnected with Ximena, and went out racing and to sideshows. She visited her dad every day in the hospital and then in the rehab facility, taking notes on all his doctor’s instructions and researching new, heart-healthy recipes for them to eat as she got him settled back in at home. And even though she and Colt never talked about it, suddenly they were together, with her toiletries tucked into his medicine cabinet, a second towel hung in the bathroom, and her favorite yogurt stocked in the fridge. It all felt comfortable, and she felt at peace with her life for the first time in a long time. She could get that adrenaline rush she craved so badly as she drag raced through the streets, getting to know Colt’s new crew, and she wasn’t hurting anyone to do so. She felt happy, so as October bled into November, she emailed her advisor, preparing to extend her leave of absence.

She never thought Colt would object to her plans to stick around, but he was cruel and livid when she told him she wasn’t heading back. At first, her anger flared, righteous and indignant. How dare he try to tell her what to do. She’d thrown her clothes that were scattered around his place back into her duffel bag and headed straight to her father’s home. He didn’t comment when she tossed her bag into her old bedroom, just pulled out the Parcheesi board and sat down at his usual spot at the kitchen table.

The next morning, she awoke to the smell of bacon sizzling, so she made her way into the kitchen.

“Dad, you can’t have bacon anymore. It’s not on your ‘safe foods’ list.”

“I figured whatever sent you here yesterday might warrant an ‘Ellie special,’” he said with a shrug. “Besides, it���s turkey bacon.”

She bit her lip as she sat down at the table, wondering if she should risk stressing him out by bringing it up, but he crossed the bridge first as he set her plate in front of her.

“I suppose you were staying with that boy with the yellow GT?”

She shook her head. “No, the boy with the motorcycle.”

Dad just let out a sigh and gave his head a little shake. “They’re all still wanted criminals, Ellie. The statute of limitations hasn’t run out. But I suppose you already know that.”

“Dad…”

“Look, I know you’re an adult, and you can make your own choices. But I hope you know what you’re doing here. If you get caught up with him in something again… I won’t be able to spin it that you were just a kid who got roped into the whole thing by a dirty cop who convinced you that you could be an informant and help him.”

“I know what I’m doing, Dad. I’m not stupid.”

“I know you aren’t. That’s what scares me the most. Oh well, you’ll be back at Langston soon enough, I suppose.”

It was Ellie’s turn to sigh as she filled him in on how her plan had been to stay, to work in LA and to help him recover, at least for one more semester. When she finished, Dad just stared at her for a few seconds, eyes narrowed, before he spoke.

“So, let me see if I have this right. This… Colt told you to go back and finish your degree?” As she nodded, he just shook his head. “Never thought I would be on the same side as a little punk.”

She shoved her chair back from the table, abandoning her breakfast. “Dad, it doesn’t matter whose side you’re on, because it doesn’t matter what you think or what he thinks. This is my choice.”

But as the days ticked by, and her dad seemed stronger and stronger, she had to wonder if she was doing the right thing. She’d gotten upset because it felt like Colt was trying to decide what was best for her, but as she thought back on their fight with a clearer head, that wasn’t really a fair assessment. He wasn’t trying to control her; he was trying to push her. At the end of the day, he liked her strong and sharp, ready for the next challenge. And while being back in LA felt good and right in so many ways, just hanging around after her father’s medical emergency wasn’t the way to go about it. She wanted to come back here, but she needed to do so the right way, as an active choice, not a passive situation that just happened.

So she went back to school and worked her ass off, taking summer classes to make up for the shitty schedule with not enough engineering credits she had to settle for after she registered late for classes. She was a semester behind now, but that was manageable. She lost her research position, but that was okay. She didn’t need to build her resume anymore. She had a job lined up already.

When she signed papers granting her 50% ownership of Kaneko Auto Shop, everyone in her life thought she was crazy. Rebecca had pestered her for months with info about engineering firms that were hiring and master’s programs. Riya had told off Darius for telling her she was being foolish, but as soon as he left to go get them takeout, she’d told her she must be out of her mind to legally tie herself to that Kaneko boy in any way. Her father just shook his head and went into his bedroom, closing the door with a thud. But Ellie didn’t care. It was the first time she’d felt fully alive in almost five years.

It was invigorating, to finally be living a life that was 100% her choosing. She wasn’t held back by her father’s restrictions, her peers’ perceptions, her own perfectionistic expectations of herself. She was just… Ellie. She wasn’t bound by anything or anyone. All her fears, concerns, and worries were nothing in the face of all the possibilities ahead of her. Ahead of them.

Colt had always seen her. It was why she’d been drawn to him in the first place. He didn’t treat her like a child that needed protecting. He respected her agency, her autonomy, her abilities. He respected her opinions and suggestions, and slowly but surely, they were able to expand and grow the shop and their territory. Not too fast, as that would attract the attention of both rivals and law enforcement, but steady enough that people had to take them both seriously. He wasn’t just coasting on his father’s reputation, and she wasn’t some sheltered little girl who had slept her way into this world. They proved themselves, and they were thriving. And finally, Ellie felt like she was living the life she was supposed to be. She felt like herself, fully realized and alive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s not that she and Colt lived in some bubble of pure domestic and professional bliss. They disagreed about how aggressive to be when rival crews inched in on their turf, about whether a drop would be worth the payout, about whether or not the new mechanic was trustworthy enough to drive on their next big job. And when they disagreed, they disagreed. It was never violent, but it was loud and passionate. They pushed each other time and time again. It was just how they worked things out, and they always were able to come to an understanding in the end.

Ellie never questioned their arrangement until she was pregnant. In their four years as equal partners, both personally and professionally, she’d never had any qualms about the life they were living. It was exciting and thrilling, but their risks were always calculated, or so it had seemed. They were smart about things. It’s why their territory had nearly doubled in size over those four years with only one misdemeanor arrest for petty theft for their entire crew over that time.

But when she heard that heartbeat over the sonogram, Ellie knew that she had to change the way she thought about risk and reward, because risks that were acceptable to take when it was just her and Colt, conquering south LA one block at a time, where not okay when there was going to be a child at home depending on them. Colt, on the other hand, seemed to take the opposite approach. He was hungrier and more ambitious than ever. He wanted to move more volume, expand to new neighborhoods, to grow bigger more quickly than ever.

“This will be our legacy. All of this, rebuilt and passed on to our kid,” he told her over and over again. And any of her pleas to slow things down, to take a step back, were met with annoyance and frustration. “If we slow down, we won’t be able to keep what we have now. Others will take notice and swoop in. It’ll be a moment of weakness.”

He worked nearly around the clock, always trying to strike a better deal, to find a better score. Part of her had even worried that he would have left her at the hospital with just her father if he got word of a deal on hot merchandise while she was in labor. But when the contractions came, he was at her side the entire time. He was antsy and impatient, sure, but most of that was probably due to having to spend 26 hours straight in a confined space with Dad. Over the years, that relationship had never evolved beyond frosty tolerance.

When Margot Graciela Kaneko came into the world, 6 lbs 4 oz and screaming like a banshee, Ellie swore she saw Colt wipe a tear away. She hadn’t seen him cry since that awful night in May nine years ago, when he’d had to watch his father sacrifice himself. When she forgot all about how horrible it was that Colt had kidnapped and planned murders because he’d looked so broken and human, not at all like a ruthless kingpin wannabe who had no moral code. With all their shared daddy issues, it had felt cruel to bring up her concerns about his moral compass when his world had just shattered to pieces.

For his part, Dad cried openly when she told him his granddaughter’s name, forgiving the use of Kaneko as her surname when he realized she shared her middle name with the abuela she would never get to meet. For a moment, they felt like a normal family. Not a detective father who had to turn a blind eye as his daughter and her boyfriend ran one of the ten largest auto theft crews in LA. Just three adults who loved a little baby girl more than anything.

Colt was always a loving father. He adored Margot, and she wanted for nothing. Toys and clothes and books littered her nursery in their new two bedroom house, a home security system installed with door and window alarms, motion sensors, and security cameras. He took pride in every developmental milestone she reached and bragged about her constantly. The office at the shop was covered with her drawings, and when she started 4K, her first attempts at writing letters and numbers joined her colorings and paintings.

He just didn’t seem to have any desire to strike a work-life balance. It didn’t exactly surprise Ellie. They had both thrown themselves into that shop for years, their only goal and purpose. For both of them, work had been their life. But now, she felt like they needed to handle things a little differently. More cautious, less aggressive in their growth schemes. It was a point of disagreement between them regularly.

“I don’t understand what your problem is, Ellie. I’m building this for us. For her. Since when are you fucking timid about growing the shop?”

“It would be nice if you could eat dinner at home with us more than a couple of times a month.”

“Just bring her for dinner with the crew.”

Round and round, over and over. Her asking him to take a step back and spend more time with Margot while he dove deeper and deeper into his work, acting like bringing Margot into that world as a preschooler was a solution. At times it felt like her own personal Groundhog’s Day, her living the same day with the same damn fight time and time again.

She’d been venting to Mona one afternoon in a coffee shop as she waited for a contact to bring them info about a new shipment that should be passing through over the weekend. It was a little risky, combining her work with a meeting with Mona now that she worked as a consultant on grand larceny cases for the LAPD. Initially it had been a condition of her parole, but it ended up suiting Mona just fine. She was a free-lancer at this point, so she only took the cases that she wanted, and she was well paid for it. Not as well-paid as Colt and Ellie, but without the overhead and without the risk. 

“He just is so single-minded, and he doesn’t understand why it bothers me.”

Mona laughed at that. “He’s Kaneko’s kid, Ellie. I don’t know what else you were expecting when you picked him over Logan.”

It was strange to think about it like that. She knew that Logan and Colt had both wanted her back then. And for a while, she and Logan were happy. But while Logan had tried to shield her from his world, Colt had encouraged her to immerse herself further. He saw potential in her, and it had been so liberating, being seen as a woman, not a child. And once it came out that Logan had only pursued her at Kaneko’s instruction, she’d just been done. She felt like a pawn and a fool, hurt and violated, so she’d turned to the only person she could count on to be blunt and direct, to respect enough at least for that.

“Have you heard from Logan at all?”

Mona shook her head. “I think he made it to Detroit, but that was years ago.”

“I hope he’s doing okay,” Ellie said as she took a sip of her coffee. Mona just raised an eyebrow, but didn’t push that topic any further. She was right. The traits that drew her to Colt in the first place were wrapped tightly with the ones that frustrated her now, all of which were proof that he was very much his father’s son.

“So other than Colt being an ass, how’s life?” Mona asked, drawing Ellie out of her nostalgic musings. She pulled out her phone and showed her a video of Margot cruising around on her new balance bike. For better or worse, this was the life she had chosen, and for all its frustrations, she knew she still had plenty to appreciate. She wouldn’t have wanted a different life, anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Margot was heavy in her arms as she rang the doorbell, praying that he wasn’t working tonight. He really wasn’t supposed to be working nights at all anymore - his cardiologist’s recommendation as part of numerous lifestyle changes - but Ellie knew he would still pick up an overnight now and then. She’d never really felt like she was in a position to question his judgement given her own career choices.

She rang the bell three times before she saw a light flip on the hallway. She let out a sigh of relief. She hadn’t wanted to have to pick the lock. A few seconds later, the door cracked open. Her father looked disoriented, his hair sticking out in numerous directions, wearing blue plaid pajama pants and an old Honor Roll Parent t-shirt.

“Ellie? What’s going-” he started, but dropped his voice to a whisper when he noticed Margot passed out against her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Ellie nodded. “We just need a place to stay.”

He opened his mouth, clearly wanting to say more, but after a second, he just nodded and stepped aside, letting them pass through the door. He followed a few steps behind. Ellie could feel him staring at her as she carried her daughter into her old bedroom, tucking her in on the far side of the bed.

“I need to go grab our stuff from my car. Can you stay with her? She’s going to be confused if she wakes up and isn’t in her bed.”

Dad just nodded again, sitting down on the edge of the bed and running his hand soothingly over the back of his granddaughter’s head. When Ellie returned with the duffel bag and tote bags she managed to fill, all she knew she could carry at the same time as Margot, she dropped them on the floor. Anytime she had come to stay before, she’d only brought a couple days worth of clothes, so she knew the amount of luggage she’d brought was going to attract attention. He was a detective, after all.

“How long are you staying?”

All she could do was shake her head, willing herself not to cry. She felt lost and heartbroken, but more than that, she felt stupid. Stupid for ignoring everyone’s warnings about Colt, for thinking that she could have the thrills and excitement of that life without causing serious harm, for having a child with a man who could order the murder of someone without batting an eyelash.

Dad stood up and crossed over to her, wrapping his arms around her, and she couldn’t hold back anymore. She started sobbing into his chest, feeling like a child all over again. But the pain kept pouring out of her, and her father just took it all, even after everything she’d put him through over the past 13 years. And when the tears finally slowed, she let him guide her to her old bed and tuck her in right next to her daughter.

The next week was filled with rounds of Candyland and Guess Who, drives out for ice cream and donuts, and trips to the park with Abuelo. All things that Margot loved, things that would hopefully keep her happy and from asking questions that Ellie wasn’t ready to answer. How do you tell your four year old that her Daddy, the man she thought was the best on the planet, had decided to make some phone calls to end a man’s life, so they couldn’t live with him anymore? Ellie just wanted to put off that conversation for as long as possible.

But Margot was bright and curious, and all the distraction in the world wasn’t enough to make her forget her home and her father. Ellie stumbled through it the best she could, telling her that Daddy had done something very naughty that he thought was the right choice, but that was actually something really bad.

“Is Daddy in a timeout?” she asked as Ellie tucked her in, her brown eyes wide with wonder.

“Kind of, sweetie.”

“How long do Daddy’s timeouts last?”

“A long time, Margot. A very long time.”

She nodded, like it all made sense to her now. Ellie knew she couldn’t keep her from Colt forever, but until she felt like she had her feet under her again, this was probably the best approach she could hope for. She dropped a kiss to her daughter’s forehead and flipped off the lights, gently closing the door and making her way into the kitchen.

The Mancala board was set up this time. While the days were filled with fun activities for Margot, the nights had been a series of board games, just her and Dad. Just like the old days. He hadn’t asked her many questions. Ellie suspected he was so glad she had left Colt, that he didn’t want to push his luck and say the wrong thing that might send her running back to him. But tonight she was going to have to broach the subject.

“Dad, can you watch Margot tomorrow night?” she asked as she dropped her stones down, one by one, working her way around the board.

“Why? Where are you going?”

“Probably to the shop or our house. I’m going to have to talk to him at some point.”

“He’s… been riding by on that... bike of his,” Dad ground out, glancing up across the table, his eyes flitting nervously. Like she hadn’t known that was the case. She knew exactly what his bike sounded like. Besides, she knew it would be his next step. She had dozens of voicemails and unread texts from him.

“I know.”

“Do you… what I mean is… what do you want me… are you… Ellie-”

“We’re done, Dad. I don’t want to see him.” She interrupted his ramblings, and glanced up from the Mancala board at him. His shoulders visibly relaxed at her words. “But we have a kid together. I can’t just pretend he doesn’t exist.”

He let out a little hum as he contemplated his next move. “Ellie, what happened?”

She shook her head. No way he wouldn’t feel obligated to turn Colt in if he heard that he’d ordered Shaw’s shanking. “I really can’t tell you.”

“If he did something that-”

“-I still own 50% of the shop, Dad. Plus, he’s Margot’s father. This is going to be hard enough on her without him behind bars.”

She could practically feel her father’s stare, attempting to bore a hole in the top of her head as she kept her eyes on the board. She knew he wanted to know more, wanted to say more. Finally, he said, “I know you don’t want to hear this, but if you’re looking at a custody battle, him behind bars would be very helpful.”

She turned her head up and frowned. “I’m not going to throw him to the wolves. It won’t make things better, trust me.”

“Honey, you say that now, but when custody battles get going-”

“He’s not gonna fight me for custody,” Ellie interrupted. “Not as long as I let him see her every now and then.”

“How can you know that?”

“I’m gonna let him buy me out of the shop well below market value. That’s always been his priority, anyway.” She’d been mulling it over in her mind, and it seemed like her best move. They both got what they wanted. As long as she promised not to do what his mother had done, to take his kid and move as far away as possible, he would probably agree. He got his father’s legacy and a relationship with his daughter. She got the chance to shield her daughter from the harshest realities of the world where she was born. It was win-win.

She knew she was screwed professionally at this point. She’d spent the nine years since college in a job that would do little for her resume. It was a small price to pay for her daughter’s safety and well-being, though.

“Hopefully I’ll be able to get enough to get a little apartment for us, at least until I figure out what I can do for work-” she started explaining, but Dad reached across the table and grabbed her hand, cutting her off.

“You’ll both stay here as long as you need.”

“Dad, you’ve already dealt with so much of this drama. I’m not going to ask you to house us indefinitely.”

He shook his head, still holding tight to her hand. “I know you could do it on your own if you had to, Ellie. You are bright and resourceful and so determined when you need to be. But I’m your dad, and this something I can do to help you out and keep you safe.”

Tears welled in her eyes at his words. His desire to protect her from a harsh world was still there all those years later. And while it had been the bane of her existence as a teenager who thought she could handle everything that life would throw her way, his attitude felt different now that she had Margot sleeping in her childhood bed, a direct result of her own attempt to protect her child.

“Thank you, Dad,” she choked out, forcing a smile as a couple of tears spilled over onto her cheeks.

“Of course, Honey. You’re both my girls, always.”

He was right, more right than he could know. Because if Colt was cut from the same cloth as his father, well, so was she, at least where it counted. She would protect her daughter and as a family, they would get through the bad times. She hadn’t always made the right choices, but she had her daughter and she had her father. And for the time being, that would have to be enough.

Permatag: @choicesficwriterscreations @walkerswhiskeygirl   @riley--walker  @bebepac @ravenpuff02 @oofchoices @octobereighth @drakewalker04 @kimmiedoo5  @mfackenthal  @thequeenofcronuts   

ROD: @mskaneko @burnsoslow​

[emsartwork]

Sorry if you’ve already answered this but J was wondering if you could talk more the girls childhood/growing up? Love what you’re doing btw, absolutely adore how you’ve basically recreated the Winx world! 💗

Thank you!!! and sure thing! long post ahead

BLOOM: she never really had any problems family wise, Vanessa and Mike told her she was adopted at like…. Age 7 or so (in a positive affirming way obvi) and even if any kids teased her about it she never doubted her parent’s love for her. Even with Daphne’s spell helping her blend in with earth life, Bloom still had a nagging sense she didn’t “fit”, and got lost in fantasy books and art whenever possible. Growing up she deals with some body image issues that probably stem from the whole wrong fit feeling. Bloom grew up an artistic and quiet kid, Mitzi and Selina were her best friends from childhood, and because they both had really strong personalities, Bloom often repressed her own feelings in order to play peace maker. Up until high school, where Mitzi, who was always the leader, slowly started to turn into a bully in order to gain the approval/fear of her peers, targeting Selina specifically. Bloom was more of a follower at the time and just didn’t want to loose her friends so she didn’t stand up to Mitzi but tried to treat Selina as if nothing had changed, which was not cool with Selina and she not-so-subtly started to reject Bloom as a friend. Bloom, for her part, did get her shit together and stand up to Mitzi, loosing her only other friend right before her senior year of highschool (she was still technically friends with Andy but they had also just broken up and everything was awkward lmao). Bloom regrets not standing up to Mitzi sooner, and wants to rekindle her friendship with Selina (and Mitzi if she’s willing to tone down the bitchiness).  

STELLA: So Stella’s childhood is a little more complicated. Stella is the first SoLuna heir in Solarian history, and a very loud minority protested her very existence. Stella also had to stay close to the Second Sun of Solaria as a child, so she had a very solitary and confined early childhood in a wing of the Solarian castle. When she did figure out how to sneak out she was only 10 or so, and spent most of the time just wandering around the capital city. She didn’t have any problems in the city, but an off duty guard recognized her and took her back to the palace. Stella was then sent to an elite boarding school under a false name (Sasha), she formed close friends with Nova and Varanda, but the trio was the target of the rest of the school’s bullies (for various reasons). Junior high was peak nerd Stella, but she “princess Diary-ed” herself when starting high school and started placing all of her value in her appearance and status as a sex object. Her parents’ marriage was also starting to crumble and Stella felt like she had lost their love. Because Stella craves validation and affection, this lead to a couple bad relationships because the only way she could get people to “love her” in her brain was through physical intimacy, even if it didn’t really fill the void she felt. Nova and Varanda were her rocks during this period and Stella was able to learn to love herself first with their help. Stella was insanely nervous to leave her friends and go to Alfea, and tried to force friendships with other people originally, (this mostly lead to people thinking she was annoying and getting multiple censures from Griselda), and her first genuine connection on Magix was with “Prince Sky” (Brandon). Nova and Varanda were VERY worried when Stella first told them about “Prince Sky”(Brandon) and how fast they had gotten into a relationship and they may have stalked/threatened him on a visit to Stella but they eventually came around and started to like him. Stella being expelled was only kind of an accident, Varanda texted Stella in the middle of a Chemancy class her application to Alfea for the next year had been accepted and Stella got SUPER excited and blew up the classroom. She probably could have stayed in school but her response to Fraragona and Griselda’s “now what do you have to say for yourself young lady” was *giddy laughter* and “ i only wish the explosion had been big enough to send me forward to next year!!!!!” and griselda was like “either she goes or I go” and Stella was like “ya gurl i gone” of course her time back on Solaria didn’t go exactly as planned as her parents were just fighting every time they tried to do something together making her people pleasing/self blaming tendencies worse. 

FLORA: ahhh my baby So Flora does remember her father, not a lot and she feel guilty she doesn’t remember more, but she was only 7 when he died. Alyssa remarried when Flora was 13, and eventually she adjusted to having a younger sister who she loves very much now. Due to Rhodos’s nature preservation needing a lot of room for study Flora and Miele grew up pretty far away from any town and didn’t have a lot of friends. This is primarily why Flora and Miele are so close despite their age difference, and why Flora took her role as protector so intensely; she was the only one there (I mean besides the parents obviously). Flora did well in school though she was quiet and reserved, which made making friends even harder than living in the middle of nowhere. She figured out the best way to make people like her was to give them what they wanted, and this snowballed into Flora becoming kind of doormat not comfortable with voicing her true feelings and faking a lot what people expected from her. Flora has a lot of repressed…… everything (Bloom mostly just has a lot of repressed anger she’s good with other emotions lmao) she has trouble identifying what she’s feeling and for the most part is content to leave her feelings buried as long as the surface remains calm. The Winx do help her start to access her feeling more, and encourage her whenever she does voice an opinion. Helia is a perfect match for her in the sense that his quiet nature leaves Flora to express herself without trying to mold herself into whatever she thinks he wants (of course on the flip side this also means Flora and Helia have issues with communication and repression but that’s another topic). 

AISHA: hoo boy another complicated one. Aisha was raised in a strict environment, this mostly stems from her parents and their more…. anxious natures, but royalty on Andros is not as free as some of the other planets. Aisha’s world consisted of lessons and adults and rules and she had very little control over her own life. Aisha met Anne in a rare moment of freedom in the tidal gardens where Anne’s father worked. Anne was biding her time waiting for her dad to get off work so they could grab some dinner and was dancing. Aisha just watched her for a while before Anne noticed her and asked her if she wanted to play. The two formed a fast friendship, and Aisha finally started to feel like she had some sort of influence in her own life as she snuck out of lessons to play with Anne every evening she could(obviously their favorite thing to do was dance lol) Unfortunately Anne and her father disappeared one night. Aisha lost her only friend, the only social outlet she had, her one source of freedom, and couldn’t even figure out what had happened. Feeling so out of control lead to a pretty bad anxiety disorder for most of her teens, primarily triggered by the dark or being trapped in some way. She also has issues trusting others and letting people help her. Aisha started to act out, trying to exert any kind of control and relieve some of her anxiety. Her risk taking behavior got pretty bad, but she had started to tone it down after she met and bonded with Piff(royal business trip to Magix she skipped out on). Of course when the pixies went missing she wasn’t going to let her friendship vanish again and tracked them down with a not so healthy single minded determination.

TECNA: born to higher class parents, Tecna had greatness thrust upon her from an early age. She received extra training and education basically from birth, which she was fine with for the most part. Tecna grew up being able to handle academic pressure very well and met all of her teacher’s and parent’s expectations.  She and Riven had a brief collision as preteens in a school before Riven got expelled. Tecna’s one issue was that of her emotional intelligence, Zenith doesn’t really place an emphasis on that, so she was able to advance through high school very predictably until she attended a non-Zenith based workshop for magic. She found herself socially ostracized and very very confused. Of course Tecna had never met a subject she couldn’t master and emotions wouldn’t be an exception right??? Wrong. Zenith’s information about the brain and the chemicals produced was of no help, her teachers and parents didn’t understand why Tecna suddenly had this new interest in such an illogical subject, and worst of all, Tecna realized she didn’t understand her own brain chemicals. Tecna had a mini existential crisis, realized she had no idea what she even wanted to do with her life or why it mattered and applied to the Alfea Fairy program because “FAIRY MAGIC EMOTION MAGIC HELP” also it would offer her strong emotional experiences(transformations basically require it), the opportunity to work closely in groups, and personally obverse her dorm-mates emotional states. She got way more than she bargained for but doesn’t regret it a bit.

MUSA: my angst child T-T so basically, the first half of her childhood is p good, her parents work really hard and don’t always have enough money but the family unit is pretty stable. At around 12, Musa’s mom gets sick. Nobody is too worried at first, but she never seems to get better and she takes a big turn for the worse when Musa is about 16, Matlin is finally diagnosed with Core Failure Syndrome. CFS is similar to Core Fatigue, but while Core Fatigue can be remedied fairly easily with rest and magic, CFS is virtually incurable unless it’s caught really early. The causes are still unknown, and the symptoms (fatigue, nausea, cognition issues, and muscle weakness) can be prolonged but mild until it’s too late. In the later stages (extreme fatigue, numbness in the extremities, chest pain, joint pain, memory/focus issues, inability to keep food down)  all you can do is try to make the afflicted comfortable. Ho-boe is understandably distraught, and tries to freelance write for music but goes into a pretty bad depressive state. Musa has a few odd jobs here and there, and thats mostly what’s keeping them afloat among heavy medical debt. Musa latches on to her mother for emotional support as Ho-boe is super dissociated. When Matlin does pass as Musa turns 18, Ho-boe finally breaks, and violently destroys every last reminder of Matlin because he can’t deal with the pain. Musa, who has suddenly had her one emotional anchor cut off, is super freaked out and scared by this and it really damages their relationship going forward. Musa becomes incredibly anxious, and can’t really process her mother's death because her father won’t talk about it with her and is still shut off emotionally. Moving to Magix only worsened it as Musa rebelled and went after music with a desperate passion. Applying to Alfea was a way for Musa to get out of the house, and she and her father weren’t on speaking terms when she did leave for the college. Musa had planned on learning more magic to further her career as a musician, special effects infusing magic into a song rubbing shoulders with rich and well connected people who could possibly get her connected to the big shots in music….. The winx situations had her change some of her long term plans a little, but her connection with the group + her separation anxiety and fierce loyalty didn’t really leave any other choice lol 

[princecharmingmendes]

Heartstrings | Chapter XIV | Shawn Mendes

“ ‘It’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person, well, actually they don’t make you a better person… you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens..you’ll always love them.’ - unknown”

“Shawn was a huge believer that the ‘soulmates’ situation’ was the most stupid thing on the planet, specially since it was such a rare thing to find someone with the same mark as you. He would do anything he could to prevent the so called 'destiny’ from happening, but could he?”

hi, this is the last chapter to this series and i'm so grateful to anyone who followed this story as it was in the building process, and i'm so happy with how it "came to life", so thank you so much. i have to shoutout to two people in particular or this wouldn't have turned out the way it did. first of all, i have to thank my bad boy anon for requesting this series on the first place and being so supportive, and also i have to thank @fanficshawn for helping me figuring this whole concept out. anyway, i hope you like it, and please give me some feedback.

new chapter of a Raul series coming soon

*Word Count: 4.8K+.

*Warnings: cursing, slight angst.

*Posted: June 18th, 2020.

                                                   -*-

Whenever I think things are going alright, everything seems to flip upside down. I can’t seriously follow Shawn’s mood swings, really. I know we’re in the middle of finals and his mom had a car crash, but Aaliyah called me to tell everything was fine and he simply disappeared for a whole week. I couldn’t find him anywhere on campus and I swear I tried being comprehensive, but I just can’t take it anymore, I’m done waiting for him to actually open up to me. And even though he got better last weekend, he got back to normal rather quickly. So I decided to study and ignore the hurricane that Shawn Mendes is on my life.

I took the tests and days flew by as I hoped to go home as soon as possible, I was exhausted and this whole semester was a mess, not for academic reasons, Shawn, and Tyler and then Shawn. Since when guys are the only thing causing trouble in my life?! I mean, that’s all they do, but I never put so much effort on them, so this is a bit frustrating. But when I left my class due to the fact that my tests were officially over and I was feeling so much lighter than I was before. Unfortunately, the light sensation was gone when I saw his jeep parked outside the building and his body leaning on it as he texted someone.

I felt my phone vibrating on my back pocket and I picked it up as I started walking away on the opposite direction he was standing. Pretty mature, running away from my problemas, I know, but what do you want me to do? There was a text from him saying he was waiting for me outside and that we needed to talk. I ignored it and then my phone started ringing and I had to pick it up.

“Hi?”

“Y/N, are you seriously running away from me?” Shawn’s voice echoed through the phone.

“I’m not”

“I’m literally looking at you looking over your shoulder”

“Well, I’m not the one who disappeared, am I?”

“That’s why we need to talk, I promised you I would explain everything, and that’s why I’m here, baby girl”

“Is that how you work?”

“What do you mean?”

“You simply vanish and suddenly you’re ready to talk?!” I know I sounded stupidly mad, but I had to be honest.

“I’m sorry, I can explain, I know it won’t change everything, but I’ll at least be honest” he said and I was able to hear his voice from behind me and not only from the speaker as he turned off the phone call.

I turned around, only to be met with a pair of those gorgeous honey eyes, that even though I was wanting so bad to punch him, the sight alone still made me weak on my knees.

“Why should I go with you? I think you’ve had enough chances”

“I know that, but again, I’ll ask you for one more, let me take you out, we can grab lunch and then pack, I can give you a ride home, please, Y/N, I’ll answer everything you want after lunch”

“You promise me that?”

“I do, can I take you with me?”

“Where are we going?”

“I can take you to the diner, the one from our first date”

“It was a fake date”

“Didn’t feel fake to me”

“It- You-“

“Come on, we can discuss this later, I know you’re hungry and you probably didn’t have breakfast nor dinner”

“How did you...?”

“I know you, Y/N, like the palm of my hand, now come on, burgers and fries and the guys are all waiting for us”

“Are they?”

“Yeah, it’s the end of the semester”

“Oh” Was all that left my mouth as Shawn extended his hand to me “let’s go then”

“Okay” he said as I grabbed his hand and interlaced our fingers, walking back to his car as he practically skipped his way back.

“How’s your mom by the way?”

“She’s fine, she’s at home”

“That’s awesome”

“Yeah” he answered and squeezed my hand softly “thank you”

I looked at him trying hard to hold back a smile, but it was impossible “Let’s not start this again, you were right, I’m starving!”

That was enough for Shawn to basically drag me chuckling to his car and I couldn’t hold back the laughter that bubbled from my throat. He was so excited to go grab lunch it was way too contagious, or maybe it’s because I was about to understand the whole situation and maybe be in peace with him. So the whole time we were in the car, he was basically beaming and jamming to his favorite songs as I tried not to die for laughing too hard. He parked two blocks from the diner cause it was filled with students and got out, as soon as my feet hit the ground, he was beside me, offering his arm like a true gentleman.

“Peace offering?” he tried with a grin and I just nodded giggling “I know this doesn’t mean I’m free, I don’t want to be free, I don’t want to be the reason you’re upset anymore, I just want you to enjoy today”

“Thank you, you are forgiven, for now at least, it’s a truce until you tell me everything”

“Works for me” he answered before placing a sweet kiss to my temple.

We entered the place and our table cheered as they saw us walking hand in hand and we just had to laugh. The guys hopped off the booth and left a spot for us both to sit in the corner against the wall, and Shawn didn’t resist the opportunity to pull me in. He rested his arm on the booth, just above my shoulder and I swear I had to hold back the need to just lean on his chest and relax after this stressful finals weeks. So instead of laying on him, I grabbed the menu to pick something up and Shawn poked my shoulder softly, which made me look at him and he was just smiling down at me which made me very confused at first, but then I heard Mel’s giggle from across the table and saw her holding her phone up at us.

“Come on, don’t pout at me, you two look way too cute for your own good” was all she used in her defense and I ended up just shrugging.

Everyone made their orders super quick cause apparently they’re all starving just like me, but even when the food arrived they kept on talking and cracking jokes all the time, which cause Brian to spill his soda through his nose. Somewhere between finishing my fries and milkshake, I felt Shawn’s arm falling around my shoulders casually, and since I didn’t do anything to shrug him off, he just kept it there, eventually pulling me closer, which led me to actually lean into him as the guys kept on talking.

Shawn looked down at me and placed a kiss on my forehead “Tired?”

“A bit, yeah”  

“I can take you home”

“It’s okay, I’ll miss them anyway and my bags are already packed and my dorm is basically ready for me to leave”

“Oh, you can come nap in mine if you want, while I pack my stuff and then we can talk”

“Seems pretty good to me”

“We can even stop by at your dorm first, so you can pick up your stuff” Shawn offered as he played with some strings of my hair “Ian’s going home after lunch, so if you want to crash at my place and stay in his room, so we can leave tomorrow morning to be at home for lunch, you can”

“That’d be great, Mel’s probably going there to stay with Mike as well, right?”

“Mhmm, but they’ll both leave tonight”

“What are the love birds whispering about?” Brian chimed in.

“We are no-“

“It’s not worth it” I cut Shawn off by placing my hand on his cheek softly “we were just talking about packing and how we are going home tomorrow”

“But that’s not interesting”

“What did you expect, Brian? Them to tell you how they’re going to have sex all night long? Come on, they’re not you” Mel said rolling her eyes playfully at the red-haired boy.

“What do you mean ‘they’re not me’?”

“They’re not dumb” Mike replied and we all laughed as Brian seemed a bit too pissed to find it funny.

“Ha-ha as if you and Ian were a lot better”

“Everyone knows we are, dude!”

“Y/N! Help me out!”

I smirked at him and shrugged “Ugh, I wish I could, but I’m to busy whispering about my sex life with Shawn to help you” and with that the attention was back on the guys.

“Our sex life?” Shawn teased with a boyish grin on his lips as I rolled my eyes at him giggling softly.

“Shut uuup”

“Don’t blush, baby, it’s okay, you know you can talk to me about everything you want”

“I swear I’m not going back to yours tonight” I threatened and he only chuckled, placing a kiss to my hair.

“I’m only kidding, don’t need to get all flustered about it”

“Yeah yeah, fuck you”

“What a dirty mouth” he gasped and chuckled at my frown “I’m only teasing you, come on, don’t get upset”

“Whatever” I said rolling my eyes, but I couldn’t hold back a smile when he grabbed my face and kissed my cheek.

We spent a little while there just chatting and laughing until some of them needed to leave, so we decided it would be best if we left as well, apparently I was the only one with my stuff already packed. Shawn and I got to my place only to pick up my stuff and I took the opportunity to say goodbye to Mel and wish her happy holidays. But before I could leave, she pulled me into the room one more time in a bear hug as Shawn quietly left with my bags, telling me he would wait for me on his car.

“Mel, it’s literally just a couple of weeks”

“I know, I know, call me clingy or whatever, but I’ll miss you” she said with a frown and I laughed at her.

“Stop being silly, you won’t even have time to miss me! You’ll be spending Christmas with your new boy”

“Yeah, that’s pretty nice, right?”

“Yeah, and you said, back in August on the first few weeks, that you didn’t want anything serious”

“Guess you’ll never know, you didn’t know Shawn was your soulmate back then either”

“Is he really?”

“Dude, are you dumb or you’re just playing pretend? He’s clearly in love with you for ages, Y/N, he literally worships you, he’s just learning how to show it now”

“Are you sure? Maybe he was right, there is no such thing as soulmate”

“Sweetie, soulmates are simply two pieces that fit perfectly, they don’t have to be romantically involved, they’re just the other’s half”

“Mel...”

“Oh, come on, Y/N, here, I’ll read the definition for you”

“It’s not necessary”

“Shush for a second, thank you” Mel places her hand above my lips to keep me quiet “ha! found it! ‘It’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person, well, actually they don’t make you a better person… you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens..you’ll always love them’”

“Aaand?”

“That’s you and Shawn, obviously”

“You’re reading way too many novels for your own good, Mel, and I’m the one who’s saying it”

“Fine, but when the both of you finally realize how special is the bond between you two, I’m going to be the one to tell you that I told you so”

“Okay” I shrugged giggling and she laughed in response.

“Now go, your man’s waiting downstairs”

“Okay, bye Mel” I said hugging her one more time.

We let each other go and she just grinned at me “Bye, bitch” So I took my backpack and phone and turned to leave, but before I could shut the door she added “Oh, you’re going to be completely alone tonight, so please do me a favor and use a condom”

I shut the door a bit harder than needed and I hear her laugh from inside the bedroom. I only shook my head, unable to contain the smile from blossoming on my lips as I walked away. Shawn was sitting patiently on the driver’s seat, looking down at his phone as I climbed up in his jeep. He locked the device as he looked up at me, starting the engine and starting to drive to his place.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Melissa, she’s just crazy”

“Took you a while to notice” he said with a chuckle and placing his hand, palm up, on the console.

“She’s just great at hiding it” I replied sarcastically as I laced our fingers.

He brought our hands to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the back of mine “Whatever you say”

The drive was short to his place, and I didn’t even picked up the bags, only grabbed my backpack that had all the stuff I needed for tonight and tomorrow morning and went with Shawn to his apartment. The place was filled with bags and backpacks, but apart from that, was the nicer it’s ever been during the semester. We didn’t stick longer downstairs, Shawn only grabbed two bottles of water for us and dragged me to his room, which was a complete war zone. He only took something’s off his bed and told me to get comfy to nap as he packed.

So that’s just what I did, I took off my shoes and placed my phone on the nightstand, laying down and watching as he started to go through his clothes and fold them not so nicely, and place them on his suitcase. I didn’t even noticed when I dozed off, but was really hard to keep myself awake with Shawn softly humming to some random song. I just noticed I was off, what felt like minutes later, when I felt someone calling me in a low tone and gently caressing my face waking me up. The first thing I saw was his honey eyes, then his body crouching down beside my side of the bed and then his perfectly aligned teeth in a beautiful smile.

“Hey” he mumbled softly.

“What time is it?” my voice sounded extremely groggy “how long was I out?”

“It’s almost 5:30, ordered us a pizza, hope you don’t mind” he replied standing straight “you slept for a bit more than an hour and a half”

“Oh shit” I let out as I ran a hand through my hair “I didn’t even noticed I was out til you woke me”

“You were sleeping pretty heavily, I felt bad for waking you up, but I was afraid if I let you sleep longer you wouldn’t be tired enough to sleep at night”

“No, you’re probably right, thank you” I said as I sat up, rubbing my eyes softly “Are you done with packing?”

“Yeah, I though that maybe if you wanted to talk... We could do it now”

“Oh, okay” I said crossing my legs and he sat down in front of me.

“This is not easy for me, so I’m going to ask you two things, okay?”

“Okay”

“First, I wouldn’t like things to change between us, it might take a while but I don’t want to loose you”

“You’re scaring me” I said with a nervous chuckle and he only smiled softly at me.

“I don’t intend to, I’m sorry, and the second one, I would like to say everything I have to say first, cause I don’t really know how to say this best, and I’ve practiced”

“Okay, sure” was all I could answer and I saw his cheeks getting pink.

Shawn took a deep breath and I placed my hand on his knee, and he only smiled at me as a response.

“You know I never really believed in soulmates and stuff, I just think it is a coincidence, right? And I even covered my birthmark that everyone teased me about with the swallow tattoo, to prevent myself from being stupid and looking for the same mark on others, cause for me this shit just wasn’t real. So when I found out, that you, the girl I had a massive crush on and my best friend and I shared the same birthmark, I completely lost my mind. I didn’t want to believe it was real, I didn’t even know if you thought of me that way. I was scared to death” he took a deep breath and I squeezed his knee gently.

He once again offered me a smile as he kept on going.  “I didn’t want it to be real, didn’t want you to be my soulmate, I didn’t want to lose you, I wasn’t ready to be the one to ruin this amazing friendship we built during our whole lives, so my pretty dumb boy logic brain thought at first to ignore it, act like I never saw it before, and hell, I don’t know if it’s the soulmate/mark thing, if it’s God, if it’s C.I.A or, I don’t know, some greater love force, but every day we went through was getting harder to ignore my feelings for you and the itch sensation to just grab your pretty face and kiss you.

And then, my amazing ability to deal with feelings thought it was better to push you off than keep on falling harder for you, and I know, I was the worst to you and I’m so incredibly fucking sorry for ever treating you like that. You didn’t deserve it, and you also didn’t deserve being left in the dark, and I don’t even know how you found it in yourself to forgive me, but I’m so thankful for that. I felt like shit for ever making you sad and it literally hurt in me to see you less than happy, specially cause I knew it was my fault. And then the whole fake dating thing started and it was a mess. I was constantly jealous of Tyler, cause he’s an idiot who never deserved you and cause I really wanted you to myself. But I was completely torn between telling you everything and keep on pushing you away so I wouldn’t be the one hurting you more. Crazy, I know” he said with a ironic chuckle.

“Just a little bit” I mumbled softly and he shook his head with a smile.

“But since we started spending so much time together again, I just couldn’t keep on pushing you away, I had to be selfish and have you back on my life, and to be honest, since I first found out about our soulmate situation, that’s when I finally felt happy and relieved, when I had you around me again. And I even thought you were into me as well, hell, you kissed me, twice, and then I had to go on and ruin everything cause I got jealous over nothing, again” he said running his hands through his mop of curls, tugging at the roots “and then I was sure I fucked it all up and that you’re never going to look on my face again, and then there was my mum thing, and I couldn’t go to anybody else, I just showed up at your door without even noticing it, I am just always coming back to you.

You took care of me like no one else would, and that’s when I knew I couldn’t hold back anymore, I just needed you and I kissed you, and everything fell into place. I couldn’t stop smiling the whole day after that. And I know I disappeared for a week, I just didn’t want to see you and not explain everything you deserved to know about me, so it took me a while to get my shit together, but here I am”

He looked at me like he was staring at my soul and all I could do was hum in response.

“I thought you’d need some time to process it, so if you want me to leave I can go or if you have any questions you can ask me” he added softly and after a few minutes without any responses he started to get up to leave.

“Where are you going?” my question was barely a whisper, but he listened because he looked down at me with a frown.

“I’m leaving you to absorb it”

“No, don’t, don’t run away from me now”

“I’m not” he said sitting down again and reaching for my hands, that I promptly placed on his “I’m here now, Y/N, and I’m not going anywhere until you tell me to”

“Okay, so let me see if I get this straight” I started and he nodded with those big doe eyes “you were falling for me and freaked out when you found out we were potential soulmates, and decided to ignore it and push me away afraid of ruining our friendship?”

“Yeah”

“And then you decided it wasn’t the right thing to do and started hanging out with me again and noticed that you shouldn’t have done it on the first place without telling me anything? Your best friend?”

“I fucked up pretty badly, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did” I said and he sighed, closing his eyes that were already pretty glossy from the tears that started to form “hey, look at me, now I’m talking”

“Okay” he said sounding completely broken.

“You should’ve told me in the first place and we could’ve figured this whole thing out together, so neither of us would’ve suffered, cause even though you did hurt me, you also hurt yourself, and I know it wasn’t your intention to do it to neither of us. I know you never meant to hurt me, you were just doing what was better in your head for me, but here’s the thing, I’m the one that should decided what’s best for me, Shawn, okay? The whole problem here is...”

“That I’m an idiot?” he suggested.

“No, honey, well, a bit, yeah” I said and he let out a sad chuckle “but the main problem is miscommunication, we should’ve just talked to me, and this whole mess wouldn’t have happened”

He nodded looking down at our joined hands and I let go of them, only to cup his jaw and force him to look up at me “why were you scared of losing me? Or hurting me?”

“Me?” he asked and I nodded in response “I just- you’re perfect and I’m just Shawn”

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked chuckling softly.

“Yeah, you’re the most intelligent person I’ve ever met, you’re good in everything you do, you’re the sweetest, kindest and most beautiful girl I’ve ever met and me? I’m just Shawn, the dumb boy, that never had a real serious relationship and that likes to party on his free time, I’m not enough for you”

“I’m not all of that, I’m flattered, really am, but I’m not that, Shawnie, and you, oh baby, you’re way more than that, yeah, you might have this bad boy with a frozen heart exterior, but in reality, you have the biggest heart and are the softest guy I’ve ever met”

“Only for you” he mumbled.

“And that’s honestly all that matters to me”

“Is it?”

“Yeah”

“Really?”

“Yes, Shawn” I said giggling softly.

“So what do we do now?”

“What do you mean?”

“With all this?”

“Well, we should communicate better”

“Okay, that’s on me”

“No, it’s on me too, if I told you I liked you way too long ago, this could’ve been avoided”

“You liked me?”

“Yeah”

“As in the past?” I only hummed in response and he nodded.

“And now I’m in love with you”

“You’re what?!”

“In love with you”

“You fell in love with me?! Out of all people?Just like I did with you?”

“Yep” I said popping the ‘p’ and he laughed.

“Well, maybe there is such thing as soulmates”

“Maybe” I giggled as he pulled into his arms, hugging me tight to his body.

“So what do we do with this?”

“We can go slow with this, just go with it and don’t hold back anymore”

We just sat there, in each other’s embrace for a while, letting the eventful evening sink in as he gripped at my shirt and I played with his soft curls. Maybe we had a rough start to whatever this is, but having him like this makes me so sure that this was all worth it, if that meant I would have him like this at the end of the day.

“This can’t be real” he mumbled after what felt like ages.

“But it is, very real” I replied sitting up straight properly on his lap and he cupped my face gently.

“Prove it” he smirked at me, great, the Shawn I knew is finally back, and I only laughed in response, leaning in closer and finally pressing my lips to his softly.

The kiss was slow and passionate, I guess we weren’t in rush, we were just exploring each other calmly after everything that happened and I couldn’t feel happier. He was still cupping my jaw and my fingers were lazily wrapped in his curls, just getting used to one another. But when I tugged at it a bit harder than before and he whimper lightly into my mouth was as if something shifted around us. The whole place seemed to lit up on fire and even though all humans need oxygen to breath, suddenly it wasn’t important to us anymore. His tongue ran on my bottom lip as I let him deepen the kiss.

He was carefully leaning in and making me lay back on his soft pillows as his tongue licked into my mouth, one of his hands running down my body, only to stop at my waist, giving it a rough squeeze, getting a soft moan in response from me. And that was all Shawn needed to encourage him to keep on going. He placed a few pecks on my lips as he trailed down to my jaw and neck with his open mouthed kisses that was literally making me roll my eyes back and tug harder on his soft locks. When he started nipping on my collar bone his phone rang.

“Oh shit” he mumbled into my neck, nuzzling his face on my neck and going back to his assault there.

“Shawn” what was supposed to come out as a normal sentence ended up a moan when he left what could only be a red mark on the column of my throat.

“Hm?” he hummed completely ignoring his phone.

“Someone’s calling you”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm” was all I could reply as he got back to my lips to kiss me all over again, living me completely dizzy, and almost making me forget about his phone.

“Let them” he mumbled before kissing me again, until I cupped his jaw and pushed him away softly making him whine in protest “I’m finally able to have you all to myself”

“And we have all night, baby, but you ordered pizza and I’m starving”

“Oh shit” he replied at the same time the doorbell rang making him groan in frustration.

“Go open the damn door, Mendes!” I said giggling and he got up to do it grumbling how mean I was, but still with a smile on his plump lips.

And I was there smiling to myself like the idiot I was, feeling my lips tingling and my whole body on fire. My phone buzzed from the nightstand and I reached to see who was texting me right now to ruin the moment, but it was only Shawn.

“Come downstairs, honey, the pizza’s here”

To Shawnie:

“I’m literally upstairs, you could’ve just called me, idiot”

From Shawnie:

“Nah-ah, don’t be rude to your boyfriend”

To Shawnie:

“Which boyfriend? I didn’t know I had one”

From Shawnie:

“Come downstairs and I’ll show you who’s you’re boyfriend”

To Shawnie:

“Nope, this bed is pretty comfy”

From Shawnie:

“Y/N, come on, baby, pretty please”

“Seriously, the pizza well get cold”

“Don’t make me go upstairs and pick you up”

“Y/N, I’m serious, if I go upstairs you’re going to be punished with tickles”

To Shawnie:

“Thought you couldn’t be rude to you girlfriend”

From Shawnie:

“Touché!”

“Now come here, baby, and I’ll make it worth it”

“Get your pretty ass downstairs”

To Shawnie:

“I’m coming”

It was all I could reply, still giggling like a teenage girl and I went downstairs, only to find him with our chat still open, writing down a reply I could never repeat out loud without turning myself into a blushing mess. But I’m not going to complain about it, I was happy, completely and utterly happy.

                                                   -*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*Thank you SO much for the love, guys, means the world to me!

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it! And thank you so much! See you soon 🙃

*xoxo

-🌙

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[teddybear-yn]

[txt as school rivals]

yeonjun

it always irked you how the playful and carefree guy somehow was always at the top of the rankings with you

here you were wasting your HS life, studying every night

and all he seemed to do was fool around?

you made it known that you didn’t like him though

and yeonjun was smart, so even though you only glared at him in the hallways, he would know you weren’t in a good mood again

“Come on, Y/N. Someday I’ll definitely put a smile on that pretty face.”

oh and did I mention how incredibly flirty he is?

that personality you hate so much only because it throws you off every time, but you wouldn’t admit that was exactly how he became all of teacher’s pet

yes, all of them

but despite that happy go lucky annoying facade of his, he always had your back

without you knowing

when you were sick, he was the one that payed attention to class more closely and took more detailed notes to give you

he made sure your group members’ did their tasks and didn’t dump it all on you

the whole school probably knew about his crush on you, but to you, you guys were only rivals

he knows he can (and will) change it someday though

soobin

unlike yeonjun, soobin was more of a quiet character

which maybe was what gave him the Prince Charming image

he was just perfect

girls wanted to date him while guys wanted to be him

meanwhile there was you

you were always 2nd place, sometimes 1st but all the attention goes to soobin anyways

nobody really knows who you are

yes, technically, you’re rivals but people don’t really consider that

not known to the public though, is that soobin adores you

how you finish writing notes the fastest in class, how you would gaze out the window once you’re done

how you would be busy doodling but would still get the answer right if you were called, even how you use a pink pen for important parts of your notes

but despite that he knows how much of a silent but hard worker you are so he never fails to lend you his notes when you shyly ask for them

and he can’t help but tease you for them sometimes

“Tsk tsk, someday I’ll want something back for all the times I’ve helped you, you know?” he would playfully threat

“But, don’t worry. Never something that would upset you.”

even so, soobin and you had that quiet relationship behind the scenes of his huge popularity, you support him, he supports you, despite anything

beomgyu

beomgyu was captain of the soccer team

you were the volleyball’s

every year, the principal would get a headache from you two arguing on who should get more fundings

you argue how volleyball is an indoor sport unlike soccer, so you’re maintenance fees were higher

beomgyu argues how the soccer team has more members, meaning more mouths to feed and bodies to clothe

but because of your rivalry, your school has been both soccer and volleyball champions for years now

one reason why the principal puts up with you two

but your teams though were a different story

almost every one of them were paired with one another in a relationship

which might be why they would always neverendingly tease and pair you two

for example

if you just so happen to want to take a lap on the field with your team because the weather was nice, they would insist it was because you wanted to see beomgyu

“Come on, you guys clearly like each other with all the bickering??” they’re argument every time

unlike you, beomgyu takes the teasing though

when you go to their games, he would always throw you one of his clean jerseys to wear and would tell you to cheer him

“Only you can wear my jersey and only mine, okay?” he would shout across the field

with a wink if I might add

and on your games he would always come, saying he just wanted to assess the enemy, but then as the heat of the game starts rising you’ll see him jumping off his seat to cheer you

in the end, you could say your rivalry was more of a healthy and friendly one

despite both your teams teasing and all the arguing (sexual tension?)

taehyun

ahhh tsundere taehyun

your relationship with taehyun, you could say was the opposite of yeonjun’s

he was the quiet, studious, sometimes (most times) strict one

while you were the dean’s daughter that somehow always gets top grades despite being in trouble all the time

you had a lot of enemies, not so many real friends

taehyun was always the one to scold you and reminded you of school projects

secretly you think your mom put him up to that and promised him extra credit for it

so he and you spent a lot of time bickering

its fine he knew to apologize when he fets too far, you too

“Look, causing a ruckus isn’t gonna get you any good attention from your mom.”

after seeing your tears, he’d be apologizing with sweets almost everyday for a month

“I know what I said was out of line and hirt your feelings. Know that I won’t ever do that again.” he would say with a somewhat grumpy tone because tsundere!!

you know the saying true friends talk bad about you up front, but talk good about you behind your back

while all you “real” friends did was kiss your ass, taehyun was the only one to defend you when things got bad

basically, tashyun was more of like your little secret bodyguard, always there to save and protect you

huening kai

the only time you’d see school rivals being best friends

sure you guys bicker a lot, but always in a playful tone

you guys were #bffgoals with how you both conquer sports and academics

sadly, because of that fact teachers would always assign groups/partners instead of letting students choose

why? because you two paired up and no one came close to how perfect your guys’ work was

it was a good thing too because being with just each other all the time would make you guys a bit too dependent on each and maybe antisocial

so being separate on groups helped you two interact with students more

ultimately it only made your guys’ reputations way better

you two were It Girl and Top Dog

lots of rumors circulate about how you two were dating but whenever theyd ask you reassured you two were only friends

at least for now :)

[obxlife]

In Need of Help (Pope x Reader)

A/N: Okay, so I had this idea for Pope and I knew I had to write it! I just feel like it’s very sweet and soft and idk. Plus, it has an enemy to lovers trope, which I personally love. Also, the valedictorian and salutatorian at my school are also dating and I just got that idea from them lol.

Word Count: 3,513

Request: -

Summary: Pope finds himself with some trouble regarding his scholarship work, and he knows he can’t turn to his friends for this. Instead, he sucks up his pride and turns to you, the runner up for the Lucas T Vanderhorst Merit Scholarship. Oh, and his enemy regarding academics. 

Warnings: Mild swearing.

IN NEED OF HELP

Pope was in trouble. Not serious trouble like JJ regarding his dad or John B in relation to the DCS and basically being homeless. No, Pope was in trouble in a way that may almost seem absurd. 

He was struggling with his goddamn scholarship essay. And the worst part of it all was that he had technically already won the scholarship. 

See, this was just a follow-up essay he had to do to ensure he was not going to be ripped apart from the opportunity of actually getting the scholarship. And it had been the hardest essay he had to write. Mainly because it asked for more of a story instead of focusing on a scientific topic, and Pope had always struggled with that. 

The paper he was writing his draft on was filled with eraser marks and little doodles around the edges. Most of the doodles were of things he could see. His eraser, his pinky finger, his cup of water on his desk. There was only one he wasn’t really sure why he had drawn. It was the one object that was not in the room with him at that instant, and the worst part of it all was that he truly hated it. What had he drawn? You. 

For some reason, Pope had drawn you onto the edge of his paper. He didn’t really understand why he had because, as mentioned before, he hated you with a passion that ran so deep in his veins it was a part of who he was. Pope could not be himself if he didn’t hate you, and it was just the same for you. You couldn’t be yourself if you didn’t hate Pope.

Pope began to rub his pencil over the small drawing of your face, wanting nothing more than to get you out of his head. He hated that he had drawn you of al people, and he hated how stuck he was on this stupid essay.

Pope hadn’t realized how much force he was using to press his pencil into the paper until he ripped it. Throwing his pencil down, Pope sighed and pressed his hands to his head, stretching in his seat. 

“That’s it,” he said to himself before grabbing the papers from his desk, his pencil, his eraser, and his pencil sharpener into his backpack. He then grabbed the folder that had arrived through the mail and gently took it into his hands. Pope turned outside of his room and headed towards the shop in front of his house.

His father was behind the counter, checking an old lady out.

“Dad,” Pope called out to him from the door. “I’m heading out.”

The older man froze. He thought he had told his son to work on his scholarship. “I thought I told you to work on your scholarship. Now you know I don’t want you slacking around -”

“I know, I know,” Pope told him. “I just need to clear my head. I’m going over to John B to see if my friends can help.”

“Look here, boy,” Heyward called out to his son while pointing his finger out. Pope stood at the door, on hand already pushing it open. “What are your friends going to help with? They’re all a bunch of good-for-nothings.”

Pope sighed, only shaking his head and turning towards the outside, throwing a “Later, Pops” over his shoulder. The hot afternoon air made Pope’s body break into a sweat, but Pope didn’t mind as he headed deeper into the Cut towards John B’s fishing shack. 

The Chateau stood mighty and tall before the marsh and surrounding it were Pope’s friends. JJ was laying across the hammock sipping on a beer and a joint in his hand while Kie lay opposite of him, playing the ukelele. John B was nowhere to be seen, which meant he was probably inside.

“Hey, guys,” the dark-haired boy called out to the pair. He smiled as he saluted them with their usual handshake before taking a seat in one of the broken-down chairs. Pope set his backpack on the ground, careful not to fold the papers in his hands.

“What you got there, Pope?” JJ asked curiously. Pope knew what he held in his hands would not interest JJ, so he told the boy straight out what it was.

“Scholarship stuff.”

Indeed, JJ shrugged and turned around, bringing the joint back to his lips to take another drag of it. Kie, instead, showed interest in the papers held between Pope’s fingers.

“What do you have to do this time? Another essay about something science-y?” she wondered. 

Pope nodded but then shook his head. “Sort of. It’s an essay but they want a story. But I don’t know what to write about. Like, most of the stuff we do is illegal.”

Kie laughed at this before saying, “Then lie. Just take the illegal parts out.”

“Hard to do when they’re essential to the story,” Pope replied. 

Now JJ laughed, smiling at Pope and diving into one of the many illegal memories they had made together.

While this helped Pope clear his head, it was not guiding him as to what to write for his essay. After about an hour or two hanging out, Pope sighed, knowing he would now have to work on the essay.

“Okay guys, I need y’all to be serious right now. I really need to get this essay done. Any ideas?”

Kie and JJ stared at him blankly, not really knowing how to help. Pope groaned at their reaction, but then groaned even louder when Kie said:

“Why don’t you ask Y/N Y/L/N? Wasn’t she second place for the scholarship?”

“Kie, I literally hate her. We’ve been competing over the top spot in our grade for our whole lives.”

Kie shrugged. “Yeah, but now the scholarship is yours anyway. And besides, didn’t you say the only thing she was better at than you is story writing?”

“I said that when I was drunk,” Pope deadpanned.

“Doesn’t mean it wasn’t true,” JJ said quickly before taking another sip of beer. 

Pope really didn’t want to go see you. He had way too much pride to do so. But his options were wearing thin and he had to send this essay in a week, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to do so himself. 

“Well, even if I went to Y/N, I doubt she would be willing to help.”

Kie gave him a hard look. “You don’t know that.”

“Neither do you, Kie,” Pope sighed. “Look, I’ll go to her but she probably hates my guts. I did take the scholarship from her.”

“Hey!” JJ scolded. “Don’t say that, man. We know you won it fair and square. You deserve it.”

“I know I did. But that doesn’t mean she won’t hate me for it. We all know she needs that scholarship just as much as I do to get into college.”

It was true. You had lived your life down in the Cut, working just as much as Pope did with his father. Your mother was the owner of a small boat repair shop which she had received after your father’s death. Because she couldn’t and didn’t know how to work on boats and because your father had taught you everything you know, you were the head repair woman there. Everyone on the island knew how much time you dedicated to the shop, almost as much time as you dedicated to school. 

“Look, man. Let’s be real. Everyone born on the Cut knows they’re probably going to be stuck here forever. You and Y/N were just lucky to have the opportunity to might have not been stuck here, but in the end, you got it. I’m sure she won’t be bitter towards you because she probably still expected her life to be spent on the Cut either way.”

Pope sighed. He knew what JJ was saying was probably true but he hated to think of that. 

“Just go to her, Pope,” Kie told him. 

With that, Pope collected his belongings and headed out towards your shop. It wasn’t far from the Chateau, maybe a five-minute walk, but Pope managed to get there in thirty minutes. He was trying to push back the inevitable. 

Once he arrived he stood outside for another good ten minutes, building up his courage to go in. Breathing in deeply, he told himself that he was going to be fine and that your hate for him had probably dissipated a bit since the end of the school year. He opened the door to the shop and found it was empty except for two men looking down at the bottom of a boat. 

They didn’t turn around when Pope had entered, too concentrated on the person Pope just now saw that was under the boat. 

“What you thinkin’?” one of the men asked as you pushed yourself from out under the boat. The skateboard you were laying upon was uncomfortable and your muscles sighed in relief as you stood up next to them. 

“We’re gonna need two orders of plugs from Guffy and then we can start working on this bad boy,” you told them before wiping your forehead. “Well, I’m off, boys.”

And just as you spun around your eyes fell upon the boy at the door.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

Pope could only smile innocently, hoping you would spare him some time of day. 

“What do you want, Heyward?” you asked rudely while heading towards the back of the shop. Pope began to follow you around, sparing a glance at the two men you stared at him dirtily. 

Pope was sure you hated him now.

“Look, I-I need your help, Y/N. And I know you hate me but I really need it.”

Anger and pain were laced in your eyes as you spun around to face the dark-skinned boy. “Yes, I do hate you. And I don’t want to help you. You took the scholarship from me, Pope.”

“Well, technically I didn’t. I won it. But,” he raised his hands in defense when you gave him another murderous look, “I seriously need your help. They gave me a task I know you’re better at than me and I don’t know what to do.” 

You began to tie your hair into a ponytail as you felt your skin grow hot with anger. “So what? You thought you would just strut in here and I’d be willing to help?”

“N-no, but I thought -”

“You thought what? That out of the kindness of my heart I would actually help you? Need I remind you that you took the scholarship from me?”

“I didn’t take the scholarship from you! I won it, fair and square and you know that!”

Your eyes fell to the ground, defeated. You knew what Pope was saying was true, but the denial had helped you cope with the fact that you weren’t enough for the scholarship. You weren’t enough to get out of the Cut.

“Look, Y/N,” Pope began awkwardly. He was scratching the back of his neck, not sure if he was going to be able to get you to help him. “I know you wanted the scholarship - hell, you probably wanted it more than me. And I’m sorry you didn’t get it because you truly deserve it, but I’m not sorry that I got it. And I know that’s selfish, but let’s be real here. We both want to get off the Cut, and we always knew that only one of us was going to make it. So please, please, please help me get out of this place.”

You thought about it. Really hard. And Pope stood before you fidgeting with his fingers and doubting if what he said was the best thing he could have said. He opened his mouth, a rant about to burst through his lips.

“Fine,” you stated. You were going against your instinct, but at least you would get him to shut up. “I’ll help you. But I get free groceries for a month.”

Pope stuttered before answering. “What - you - I - you know I can’t do that! My dad would kill me!”

“Well then, you’ll have to pay with your own money.”

“Okay, fine! But only because I’m really desperate.”

****************************************************************

And so you and Pope began to work together every day for the following week. It only took two hours for you to drop your grudge against him and laugh at his stories and jokes. He would smile at your reactions and feel his previous hate for you to slip into something more similar to love. He began to notice how pretty your eyes were when they seemed to sparkle in the afternoon light and how your skin reminded him of warm summer days. You began to notice how your stupid hatred for him began to transform into a crush. His chocolate brown eyes reminding you of coffees on chilly, winter mornings and his soft smile reminding you of innocence.

Between your hours spent working together, you would talk about other things. You told him about your mother and her disease (which didn’t let her work at the shop with you) and how your friends at school were all out of town because of a road trip they had planned which you couldn’t go on. He told you about the Pogues and the pressure he felt sometimes from his dad. You both told each other a lot more than you had ever expected to share, but the feeling of comfort and understanding that followed these confessions was enough to maintain the both of you stuck together.

Exactly a week after Pope had approached you at your boat shop, you both headed together to the post office that was near the police station. Together you sealed the envelope containing the finished essay and placed the post stamps onto it. You watched Pope pay for the dispatch of the letter and then you walked out together. 

You felt dread in your stomach, not wanting to have to turn your back on your new friendship. You didn’t know if Pope felt the same way as you did, but you felt like you had come to the end of your short relationship. You felt as if, years from now, you would look back and remember Pope as the boy you only helped write an essay and nothing more, which made you afraid to no end. You didn’t want Pope to be only that.

Unbeknownst to you, Pope felt the same way. He was expecting you to turn towards him and say goodbye, followed by a snarky remark. He expected you to go back to hating him and not thinking about him. All he wanted was you to prove him wrong.

“Do you want to grab something to eat?” you both asked at the same time. Then, your eyes widened at the same time, both of you shocked that you wanted to carry on with your friendship.

“Wait, you still want to hang out?” you asked him. Pope nodded vigorously.

“Yeah. Did you really think I wouldn’t want to be your friend anymore?” he asked, a little hurt.

“Shut up, you thought that about me as well!”

With smiles on both of your faces, you turned around towards the Wreck, where you knew Kie would give Pope a discount.

**********************************************

The Pogues hadn’t seen their smart friend for a month. Ever since JJ and Kie had convinced him of reaching out to you for help, he had disappeared.

“Pope pulling a Houdini,” JJ remarked as he arrived at the Chateau to find that, once again, Pope was not there.

“Have you guys even heard from him?” John B asked. 

JJ shrugged but Kie bit her lip. “I see him at the Wreck every once in a while. He’s been hanging around with Y/N.”

“Y/N?” John B said almost laughing. “Okay, we both know they hate each other and that’s a lie.”

“I’m not lying, JB,” Kie rolled her eyes. “I literally saw them there yesterday.”

“No way! Pope has to be dating her!” JJ exclaimed. “It only makes sense! Future valedictorian and salutatorian.”

“That would make a cute couple,” John B muttered while thinking about it.

Kie coughed, trying to bring the boys’ attention back to the main issue they had. “Look, guys, we need to get Pope to hang out with us again. He’s been blowing us off and I do not have enough patience to keep you two from doing dumb shit.”

“Mama’s mad,” JJ whispered. This earned him a smack on the head of the girl.

“Let’s just head over to her shop and see if they’re there.”

*********************************************

“Wait, so JJ stole some boat plugs?”

Pope nodded, perched upon the edge of the boat you were working on. He was leaning back, a book in his lap, as he told you one of his many crazy stories about his friends.

“I don’t know why you asked for my help for the essay when you have so many stories to tell.”

Pope sighed. “As I’ve said before, most of them are illegal.”

You nod your head at what he was saying, agreeing with him. You continued to work on the boat as you felt his eyes upon you.

Pope was looking at your eyes at first. He was counting how many flecks of color they held. Then, he moved onto your skin, noticing how smooth it looked. He wondered if it would feel smooth against his fingers, or if your mouth would feel smoother. He then noticed how plump your lips looked, and Pope could feel himself leaning closer to you.

“Y/N?” he called out so softly you almost didn’t hear him.

You spun your head to look at him, suddenly noticing how small the distance between the both of you had become. You felt butterflies erupt in your stomach and you wondered if he felt them too. Your heart was pounding in your chest, and you could only wait until his lips were pressed to yours.

Feeling nervous, Pope began to speak. “I d-don’t want this to be awkward but I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a while.”

You nodded your head, inching even closer to him. His lips looked a little chapped, but you were sure that it wouldn’t matter once you kissed him. 

“And I don’t know if you feel the same or if you -”

“Shut up, Pope,” you giggled before plunging forwards. You pressed your lips to his own, moving them and giving him a few seconds to respond. When he did you smiled a little before continuing what you were doing. Your arms reached up to hold his face while his arms brought you closer to him and positioned you between his legs. Pope’s thumb was drawing circles right at your waist, and you finally broke apart from him when the door of the shop opened.

You didn’t break eye contact with Pope, but a sudden loud whoop made you stumble away from each other. Spinning around you found JJ, John B, and a girl you recognized as a Kook standing before you. You were frozen in place as Pope headed over to them to cover up JJ’s lips. 

“Pope boy finally getting some action!” John B hollered while you felt your cheeks go red. The girl rolled her eyes at his friend before sending you an apologetic look.

It only took Pope three seconds to round them up and take them outside. You got back to working on the boat, trying to distract yourself from what had happened. You felt embarrassment rise up inside of you at being caught kissing the boy you liked.

Soon enough, Pope returned inside and stood next to you. You didn’t turn to look at him in shame and fear at what he might say.

“They wanted to see me since, you know, I haven’t been hanging around them recently.”

“Oh.” This was the moment Pope was going to tell you he didn’t want to be friends with you anymore and that he had now noticed how you were all too time-consuming. However, the boy surprised you.

“They invited us to hang out tomorrow. They said they want to meet you.”

You smiled and turned to look at him. “Really?”

“U-um, yeah. They kind of think you’re my girlfriend so…”

You blushed at that thought. Being Pope’s girlfriend was something that made your insides swell and feel light and soft and good. 

“Okay.”

“Okay as in ‘yes, I want to hang out with them’ or as in ‘yes, I want to be your girlfriend’?”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Is that your way of asking me to be your girlfriend?”

Pope awkwardly nodded before looking at you. The smile on your face seemed to be glued on and Pope copied your facial expression. You leaned in again, kissing him softly.

“Take your guess, Pope,” you teased him while smiling. 

“I really hope it’s the second one.”

[remywrites5]

“You’re a slacker and I’m a straight A student and we were paired together for a group project and I just want you to get out of the way and let me do everything but you insist on helping for some odd reason ” AU with wolfstar please

           Remus froze in horror as he reached into the bowl of names to pick his partner for their history project. He looked out at the sea of his classmates and prayed for someone good. He knew no one in the room would really mind being his partner, because Remus was studious and took his academic seriously, so being his partner for a project basically guaranteed a good grade.

           His hand wrapped around a piece of paper and he lifted his up. “Sirius Black,” he said as evenly as he could while his heart sank. Sirius Black was a notorious trouble maker who barely did any school work and only got decent grades because he was smart and was good at taking tests. Most days he didn’t even bother handing in his homework and he spent most of class lounging back with his feet on the desk and his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.

           Remus risked a glance over at Sirius and he found Sirius beaming at him. It was odd to see Sirius look so excited about anything school related. The only time Black got excited about anything was the stupid pranks he liked to pull with his friend James. At least Remus hadn’t ended up with Potter as his partner. James was even worse than Sirius but it seemed that misfortune had landed on Lily Evans.

           Taking his seat again, Remus began jotting down ideas for what point in history they should do. He immediately dismissed World War Two as he figured most people would be drawn to that era. He didn’t want to pick anything too obscure, knowing he’d be doing everything himself. There was no point in making things harder when it came time to research.

           Remus had been so busy with his list that he must have missed the teacher telling them to meet up with their partners. He was startled when Sirius Black dropped his books onto Remus’ desk and sat backwards in the chair in front of Remus to face him.

           “Hi there!” Sirius said, running his fingers through his shoulder length hair. “How’s it going, Lupin?”

           Remus jotted down a few more ideas before he forgot them and then glanced up at Sirius. “I’m fine, you?”

           “I’m fantastic,” Sirius said, leaning in towards Remus as if they were sharing a secret. “I was hoping I’d be paired with a cute boy for this.”

           Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius Black was a shameless flirt, everyone knew that. “I was thinking maybe we could do the Victorian era,” Remus told him, chewing on the end of his pen.

           “I was thinking ancient Rome,” Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows. “You know with all those orgies and stuff.”

           Remus resisted the urge to roll his eyes once more. “We’re not presenting on orgies to the class.”

           Sirius grinned, putting his arm on the back of the chair and resting his chin in his hand. “You want to do the Victorian era where seeing someone’s ankle was considered scandalous.”

           Remus quirked an eyebrow at him in response. “You do know Oscar Wilde was imprisoned for sodomy during this era, right?” he said, making Sirius’ eyes go wide. Probably from the use of the word sodomy. “And Lord Byron was off fucking pretty much anything that would move.”

           Sirius hummed softly. “I guess that could be cool.”

           Remus sighed. “So glad you approve,” he said with a hint of annoyance. He was going to have to do the whole project himself anyway. He didn’t really need Sirius’ input anyway.

           “Wanna meet in the library after school?” Sirius asked, gathering up his stuff as the teacher announced the end of class.

           “Why?” Remus asked, frowning as Sirius stood up.

           Sirius laughed. “To work on the project?”

           “Oh, um, sure.”

           “Perfect!” Sirius said, beaming at him. Remus gave him a tentative smile in return. He was surprised to see Sirius so enthusiastic about a school project. “’I’ll see you there!”

           “See you.”

                                                           ***

           Remus got a few books about the Victorian Era and spread them out over the table he’d picked at the back of the library. He thought maybe Sirius would bail on their plans to meet up, which honestly suited Remus just fine. He’d get along better without having Sirius interrupting him. He chewed on his pen cap as he jotted down some notes.

           “Hey Remus!” Sirius said, sliding in the chair beside him. “Sorry I’m late. Peter got his hand stuck in a peanut butter jar…again. I swear it’s like being friends with Winnie the Pooh.” Sirius laughed and slung his arm over Remus’ shoulders with a familiarity that just did not exist between them. Remus wondered if it would be rude to shake Sirius off him.

           Remus cleared his throat and decided to change the subject back to school. He didn’t want to get to know Sirius Black. He didn’t want that kind of trouble in his life. Sure, Sirius was gorgeous, vivacious and intriguing, but he also had a tendency to get bored of people easily. It seemed like every month there were rumors of Sirius with another bloke. Whether they were true or not was another matter and Remus didn’t know Sirius well enough to be sure. At one point Remus had cared a great deal about the goings-on of Sirius Black but he’d more or less gotten over his stupid crush.

           “So I was thinking we could talk about the evolution of the English novel starting and it’s reflection of society at the time,” Remus said, writing down the names of a few authors he wanted to mention.

           “Sounds very swotty,” Sirius teased, reading the list over Remus’ shoulder. “I’m not going to have to read all those books, am I?”

           “No,” Remus said, shaking his head. “I’ve read most of the ones I want to touch on. Dickens, Conan Doyle, Austen, Bronte, Wilde.”

           “I have read Hound of the Baskerville,” Sirius offered, glancing at the list again. “I’ve seen the Colin Firth Pride and Prejudice. Does that count for anything?”

           Remus chuckled despite himself. “It’s more accurate to the book than the Kiera Knightly one.”

           “I mostly just watched it because Colin Firth is hot,” Sirius said with a shrug. “And I know about a Christmas Carol, even though I’ve never read it.”

           “Let me guess, the Muppet version?” Remus quipped, turning his head to look at Sirius and noticing just how close their bodies were. Their breath was actually mingling together.

           Sirius grinned. “It’s still the same story.”

           “I knew it!” Remus laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. “What am I going to do with you?”

           “I don’t know…” Sirius said softly, bringing his other hand up and brushing his fingers over Remus’ cheek. “What are you going to do with me?”

           Remus felt his cheeks go red and he quickly turned away back to the safety of his books. “I’m thinking maybe we should talk about the poverty of the time and the classism at work in British society. Maybe talk about how a lot of novels had protagonists trying to improve their social standing – Great Expectations, Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, Oliver Twist.”

           Sirius listened to Remus ramble with a bemused smirk on his face. When Remus glanced back over he noticed Sirius was staring at him intently. It made Remus’ stomach clench uneasily.

           “Have you ever kissed anyone before?”

           Remus’ jaw dropped. “I don’t see how that’s relevant – “

           “Is that a no?”

           Remus flipped the page of his notebook just for something to do to continue ignoring Sirius’ question. “It’s none of your business,” he finally responded after Sirius didn’t let it go.

           “I could make it my business,” Sirius said, licking his lips and smiling. “Why don’t you give me your number?”

           “Why?”

           “Because I want it.”

           Remus scowled at him. “Sirius, I’m not interested –“

           “Bollocks.”

           Remus’ frown deepened. “Not everyone is interested in you, Black. Y-you’re annoying and selfish and reckless.”

           “Flatterer,” Sirius said, his grin showing that he didn’t really believe Remus. “Come on, I’m not that bad, Lupin. I’ve got some good qualities too.”

           Remus huffed out a breath. “I don’t know you well enough to say if that’s true or not,” he informed his project partner. “We’ve never exactly spent any significant amount of time together.”

           “Let’s change that then, hm?” Sirius said, grabbing Remus’ notebook and scribbling down his number. “Text me tonight and we’ll pick a time this weekend to work on the project. I’ll come over to yours because my place is a nightmare.”

           “What?” Remus asked, blinking in utter confusion at Sirius. He wasn’t sure but he thought Sirius Black had just invited himself over to Remus’ house on the weekend.

           “I’ve got to get going but don’t do the whole project without me, okay?” Sirius said, standing up and slinging his bag over his shoulder. “I promise I’m not completely useless.”

           Remus could do nothing but stare up at Sirius with a puzzled expression on his face. Sirius smiled at him and then went bounding out of the library. Remus looked down at this notebook and the number scrawled over the middle of the page. Remus tore the page out of his notebook since it was ruined anyway. He considered throwing it into the rubbish bin but shoved it into his pocket instead. He thought about ignoring Sirius’ request and just continuing on by himself. Instead he took the books up to the front desk and checked them out so that he could continue his research over the weekend. Even if Sirius didn’t show up to help him, Remus would be prepared to finish the project on his own.

                                                           ***

           Against his better judgment Remus texted Sirius later that night. He had talked it over with his mum during dinner and she had agreed to let Sirius come over on Saturday. She had been a bit surprised that Remus had asked to have a friend over. The only friend he’d ever had over before was Lily and they were such good friends that Remus didn’t really have to ask if Lily could come over anymore, she was always welcome at the Lupin house.

           You can come over tomorrow if you want.

           You texted me!

           Well yeah. You gave me your number.

           What time should I come over?

           Around lunchtime? My mum said she’d make us something if you want to eat here before we get started.

           I can eat anything I want?

           I mean as long as we have it.

           Can I eat you?

           Shut up. I’ll see you at lunchtime.

                                                           ***

           Sirius arrived at Remus’ a little before noon and he seemed energetic, practically bouncing off the walls. He ate his lunch with gusto, munching on the ham and cheese sandwiches Remus’ mum had made. Sirius had kept the conversation going with Remus’ mum and Remus just sat there eating his food, kind of in a daze. He hadn’t expected Sirius to put so much effort in to talking with his mum. Sirius was alarmingly charming and it seemed like he was attempting to make a good impression. Remus had no idea why.

           “Uh, Sirius and I are going to my room to work on the project,” Remus said, grabbing Sirius by the arm and hauling him up out of his seat. He practically dragged Sirius down the hallway to his room and shut the door.

           “Anxious to get me alone, huh?” Sirius asked, biting his bottom lip.

           “What are you doing?” Remus asked, searching Sirius’ face for some kind of hint that he was lying or being a prat. Instead Sirius just smiled at him.

           “I don’t know what you mean,” Sirius responded with a shrug. “I was just being polite. Am I not allowed to be polite to your mum who made me lunch?”

           Remus huffed, the air puffing out his cheeks for a moment and then causing the curls on his forehead to move when he released it. “You never put it effort for anything.”

           “That’s not true,” Sirius said softly, reaching out and playing with one of Remus’ curls.

           Remus worked his jaw for a moment. “This isn’t – you don’t –“

           “I don’t?” Sirius challenged, twisting his hand into the front of Remus’ jumper and tugging him forward slightly. “How do you know?”

           Remus stared at Sirius for a moment and then shook his head. “Why are you trying so hard, Sirius?”

           Sirius grinned. “Because you’re making things difficult for me.”

           “And if I stopped?” Remus asked, crowding in closer to Sirius.

           “Then things would be remarkably easier.”

           “You’d get bored of me,” Remus said, glancing down for a moment at Sirius’ mouth and how very, very close it was. “Probably quicker than all the others – “

           “Ugh,” Sirius groaned, dropping his head back against the door. “Is that why? Remus, come on. I thought you of all people would be above listening to that gossip.”

           Remus frowned. “Lily told me she saw you snogging Evan Rosier.”

           “Yeah, well, we all make mistakes,” Sirius grumbled unhappily. “I dated Evan for a month and when I dumped him the stupid prick started making shit up about me. He has been for months just to get back at me. I guess I really am unforgettable.”

           Remus placed his hands gently at Sirius’ waist, slipping his fingers under Sirius’ t-shirt to touch his skin. It was warm and soft and Sirius made a cute little gasping noise at the contact. “So I’m not just your latest conquest then?”

           Sirius shook his head emphatically. “I fancy you,” he said, pressing his nose against Remus’ jawline in a gentle, sliding it up towards his ear before playfully biting the lobe. “I have for a while now but you don’t exactly make it easy to get to know you.”

           Remus smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Sirius’ temple. “I suppose I don’t,” he agreed quietly, shifting his hand to splay against the small of Sirius’ back. “I’ll let you close, if you want.”

           “I want,” Sirius breathed out. “Fuck Remus, kiss me.”

           Remus turned his head and captured Sirius’ lips, pressing Sirius back against the wall. Sirius’ mouth dropped open and Remus took the opportunity to slide his tongue inside. Sirius moaned and carded his fingers through Remus’ curls until his hand was fisted in Remus’ hair at the back of his head.  

           Remus broke the kiss after a few life-altering moments and pressed his forehead against Sirius’. “Sirius…”

           “Does this mean you’ll stop making things so bloody difficult for me then?” Sirius asked, his kiss-swollen lips twitching into a smirk.

           “Absolutely not,” Remus said, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Sirius’ mouth. It would do Sirius good to keep having to put in a little effort. “Still interested?”

           “Fuck yes,” Sirius said, pulling Remus into another kiss. “If we get a good grade on the project will you be my boyfriend?”

           “We’re guaranteed to get a good grade,” Remus informed him, nipping playfully at Sirius’ lower lip. “I wouldn’t settle for anything less.”

           “Well then?” Sirius asked, raising a questioning eyebrow at Remus.

           “Yes,” Remus agreed to their proposed deal, sealing it with a kiss. Even though they were going to get a good grade on it, Remus knew Sirius would continue to work extra hard on it for Remus. Renowned trouble maker Sirius Black was going to put in effort into something school related because of Remus - because he wanted Remus. It was the best thing that had ever happened to Remus in his life.

           And if the project took twice as long to finish, because they couldn’t help interrupting their work to snog each other, well that was pretty spectacular as well.

[moonchildsaurora]

The Racer who chased supernovas

»»—— Crew Member #7 of Space Pirates ATEEZ ——««

all aboard The Perihelion, welcome to the co-pilot’s log system! here you’ll be able to access the crew’s profiles should you wish to read about their journeys: (no nsfw content)

[CAPTAIN] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8]

“your wings have always existed, all you have to do is fly and fly high for the winds will be at your command”  

the other individual that you could pick out from a crowd, especially by his high-pitched laughter

full of charisma and a youthful soul, he attracts all kinds of attention and has trouble reigning in his recklessness at times

Wooyoung is an Alxil-Rolgrie mix who survived on his own in the lower district of Liyutania, the other member of The Perihelion who didn’t really know the meaning of family until his path crossed with the others

[database file: Rolgries are very much human-like beings, only distinguishing features are their strikingly light-coloured hair (that comes in shades of ivory, lilac, silver and/or coral), heterochromatic eyes and slightly translucent pale skin. This is due to their inherent ability to camouflage with their surroundings, like a chameleon, if they so wish to. Alxils are a nomadic sub-group of Dark Elves, preferring to keep to themselves. Having darker hair along with a more ash-grey skin, glowing red eyes and defined elongated ears]

Wooyoung seemingly took on more of his Rolgrie heritage in terms of physical appearance & ability. His hair is of a lilac-coral mix (that resembles the hues of sunset as Yeosang once said), an indigo-coloured left eye & violet-coloured right eye, slight translucent ash skin and the Alxil elongated ears

his camouflaging ability came to him since his youngling years though he didn’t really master it until his adolescence. Used to need all the concentration he could muster just to hold a full blend or to make sure it was the correct blend in the first place but now he could hide his entire self easily with his eyes closed

this has proven to be extremely beneficial for him to make his way around town undetected and a free-‘get-me-out-of-this-mess’-pass

though Yeosang made him pinky promise not to use that during their childhood games of hide-and-seek because he knows Woo would cheat to win

“I would never!”

“…you literally have been standing there all this time and I’ve just walked past you at least 10 rounds making me look like an idiot”

“gotta admit that was pretty fun-OW OK OK!!”

the lower district community did look out for Wooyoung, knowing that the cheeky kid meant well and he was just trying to get through each day at a time

sometimes one of the more empathetic merchants would allow Wooyoung to sleep on a spare rug under their tents, other times young Wooyoung would be lucky enough to find unoccupied shelter on his own to stay the night. Elderly food vendors would drop off extra scraps to make sure he wasn’t going to bed on an empty stomach at least

has had a few rough run-ins with the Uppers that caused him to be defensive by instinct and personally biased towards their aloof, ignorant nature although his view significantly changed after meeting Yeosang

initially he thought the young half-Suva was an oddball because why would an Upper remotely be interested in knowing his name, least of all saving him from face-planting on the ground too?

the warmth he felt on that day was by far something foreign for him to feel especially after how Yeosang complimented his appearance and shared his oshiadilla bun. With the meekest “thank you” Wooyoung marked that day as friendship achievement unlocked

when Yeosang spontaneously invited him over for dinner Wooyoung spent majority of his time just gawking and taking in the sight of the Kangs’ residence, too afraid to touch anything in case he’d accidentally broke it, “is that really a golden fountain in the middle of your courtyard?!”

young Wooyoung got terribly confused as to why there were so many forks, spoons and knives for one person to use at the dining table too

he became a constant around the residence so much so that the Kangs adopted him and it took him a good whole month just to process the fact that he was now a part of a family, he belonged somewhere – Wooyoung would never trade anything in the galaxy for this

the first time Yeosang ever saw Wooyoung cry was when his parents surprised them with their new school uniforms and supplies. His mother helped fitted their uniforms, embracing both her sons closely afterwards and all Wooyoung could think in that moment was damn did it feel good to have a mother’s embrace

it also felt really good to receive Yeosang hugs too, not really knowing just how touch starved he was

academic studies wasn’t really his thing but he did try his best, being street smart was more up his alley, “no matter! Education is important and everyone should have an opportunity for it, so long as you come home knowing something you didn’t know the day before,” were the encouraging words his adoptive parents would give

he holds high respect for Yeosang’s intellect and wouldn’t shy from proclaiming loudly & proudly, “THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND AND OLDER BROTHER!” whenever Yeosang did his thing in the classroom even though he’d earn a forehead flick from a flustered Yeo most of the time afterwards

Yeosang may not be as openly affectionate as Wooyoung is nor show that he actually cares in an obvious manner, but he did make it crystal clear just how important Wooyoung is to him after punching a classmate who had nothing better to do than rudely reiterate the differences between Wooyoung’s ‘kind’ and the rest of them

from that day on Wooyoung swore to have Yeosang’s back, just as much as he had his. He almost cried out of fright that Yeosang had put himself and his reputation on the line to protect him. Ended up crying in bed at the overwhelming gratitude that he felt from receiving the amount of love that he himself still wasn’t sure if he deserved

“don’t you dare think otherwise, and besides the only one who’s allowed to roast you as per sibling’s obligations is me”

before Wooyoung joined The Perihelion as Hongjoong’s fighter/main gunner, he was the up and coming Drifters Arena’s rookie champion in podracing

as a youngling he’s snuck into the Arena a couple of times to watch the races and it wasn’t till years later, for a birthday treat did he return to the Arena (this time purchasing a ticket properly, courtesy of his family). Wooyoung not only found his passion in flying but seem to have a natural flow for it too

he learnt the basics and started practising with the other rookies by having casual races. Effectively catching the attention of a previous retired champion, Redline, who saw potential in Wooyoung albeit his messy improvised manoeuvres and technique solely based on instinct when in race mode

Wooyoung had to get Yeosang to slap him just so he could tell that he wasn’t dreaming when Redline asked if he’d be interested to train under his guidance

“IS THIS THE REAL LIFE OR IS THIS JUST FANTASY?”

“stop being such a drama queen! He’s right there you know?”

more yelling ensued when Redline set Wooyoung up with his very own podracer, a second-hand from the mechanics but reliable enough to still function decently. Over time with his winnings Wooyoung was able to spend it on extra parts and resources to spruce up his beloved baby; Aurora (yes he was very proud of the name he came up with for his podracer)

‘Little Speedstar’ was the nickname that Redline gave him but Wooyoung wouldn’t have it because, “I’M NOT THAT LITTLE”

“no you’re just vertically challenged that or gravity is just against you” Yeosang would snicker in lowkey

to say that it’s stressful watching a podrace would be an understatement according to Yeosang (anything goes in a podrace and racers aren’t conservatives when it comes to playing dirty at times), but it gave him nothing short of pride and joy watching Wooyoung effortlessly dance through the skies and be the first racer to cross the finish line

Wooyoung loved and appreciated seeing Yeosang amongst the crowd, it was a grounding factor for him before every race. What wasn’t a normal occurrence for him though was seeing his best friend being manhandled by an odd bunch of strangers

with post-race adrenaline kicking in and the need to protect strong he didn’t think twice about yelling at the group and power stomping towards them, not stopping even when he thought, “well damn, hello gorgeous” as San stepped defensively in front of Mingi to shield Wooyoung’s attempted swipe at him to get Yeosang back

fortunately over time more trust was established and their bonds were less of a rocky road, if anything Mingi empathised the most with Wooyoung for having similar backgrounds and lack of family in their early years of their lives

the other combo package deal that Hongjoong got with Wooyoung and Yeosang officially joining the crew

Wooyoung adapted fairly well to his new nomadic lifestyle and just when he thought his world couldn’t have grown any bigger, it did; now his family extending to that of the crew (he still dislikes being sent to Hongjoong’s room and will always complain to Seonghwa because, “I’m your favourite son right?”)  

San became his go-to whenever he needed to fill his daily quota of affection  

the party don’t start till him and Mingi walks in, drinking buddies along with Jongho (Wooyoung has a very soft spot for the youngest) & Yunho. Is openly smug about the fact that he’s got one of the best alcohol tolerance on board

when Jongho installed blasters onto Aurora, Wooyoung had dubbed it the glo-up of the century. Not only could he fly to scout/retrieve/act as a distraction but he could f i g h t now – he could make things explode (chaos levels have increased)

accidentally became the other half of the reason as to why Hongjoong banned any sexytimes on the ship and a sensitive content blocker feature was added in the Yunhogizers after Wooyoung sent a spicy photo to the group chat instead of his private fling

“Mother did NOT raise you this way”

major pouting over having bro privileges revoked but he’s been cooped up making a dozen new starcatchers for Yeosang and also has hijacked Seonghwa’s kitchen to surprise cook dinner for the crew as an apology literally wrestled a Grandu [database file: equivalent to a giant crab, a food delicacy] into the pot to boil and learnt that cutting onions truly is the demise of every being

all in all never forget (1) Wooyoung loves his family, very much (2) anyone who messes with them is sure to become target practice for him                                         

(moodboard made with love, by @s1ardusk​ ♡)

[radicalposture]

Hey, so were you diagnosed with autism/adhd as an adult? If you don't mind me asking, was that difficult to achieve? I'm 25, and I've often thought I might have adhd, but I've held off on looking into it because I hear it's extremely difficult and expensive to get it tested and diagnosed as an adult.

yes I only got diagnosed last october, I was 25 then too! it was kind of a weird journey for me, all of my siblings and my dad got diagnosed with autism or adhd one after the other and I was still saying “but I can’t really be autistic/adhd” right up until I actually got diagnosed lol. but since then my whole life suddenly makes sense for the first time and I really think things are gonna be ok! this applies to autism/adhd/other neurodiverse stuff but autism and adhd is what I know, but I hope it applies broadly as well

so unfortunately yes, it can be pretty expensive to get through the whole process. depends on where you live of course, I live in Ireland so even though we do have public healthcare I would probably have been on a waiting list for upwards of two years to see a terrible psychologist who didn’t know anything about adhd/autism so I went to a private psychologist. I already knew her pretty well bc my siblings had been to her and I knew she knew what she was talking about and I felt comfortable with her. seeing her cost me around €900 which is definitely a lot, different psychologists have different rates but the price can go up depending on what tests u get done. the more tests you do the more expensive it will be as a general rule (at the same time I saw a different psychologist who had a lower flat rate so idk what the “rules” are about this tbh) I got a standard assessment as well as autism and adhd tests which is why it was so expensive. it used up pretty much all my savings lmao but after getting a diagnosis I was able to apply for disability allowance (which was a hellish process) and I got rejected and had to appeal the decision but I got it in the end, which is fortunate bc I quit my job lol.

recently I wanted to look into medication so I had to go to a psychiatrist because you can’t get a prescription for stimulant medication from a gp in most countries I think? BUT he’d only see me if I got rediagnosed by his psychologist, so that was another €300 for each of them. I did get prescribed ritalin in the end but I’ll have to get the prescription refilled a few times a year bc it’s a restricted medication, which will mean paying €100 ish for each time I do. fortunately I don’t actually have to pay for the medication itself bc I have a medical card.

so yes, it can be expensive! all told it’s cost me almost €2000 to get it all sorted and will keep costing me maybe €300 a year from now on, so it’s definitely something you have to budget for. especially depending on where you live, I imagine things are v different from country to country. also I’m very fortunate bc I still live with my family so I’m free of some financial pressure and I’d been saving for it for a while but I know how hard it is to countenance paying out that kind of money, and wondering whether it’s worth it.

as to whether it’s difficult to achieve I think you’ve got to break it down because official diagnosis is only part of it. so if you think you do have ADHD I’d look at it from a couple of different angles:

1. self acceptance/understanding is absolutely the most important thing. I know people who’ve never been to a psych who know they’re autistic/adhd and really flourish, I also know people who have official diagnoses but who won’t accept it themselves and reject help/support and they’re making things so hard for themselves. so the most important thing is to educate yourself about what adhd means and, more importantly, what it means for you. everyone’s brain is different and understanding exactly how your brain works and why you think/behave the way you do is the most important thing you can do. there are a lot of resources out there, especially online, - I’ll put a link to a google drive of books and things I have at the bottom - and it can be good to connect with others online as well. having people who Get It and can help you is really paramount, I know often our irl families/friends can sometimes let us down so sometimes the only support you can get is from following ppl on twitter or something. the adhd subreddit is weirdly helpful and supportive, it’s great to be able to throw out a question like “I think like this am I insane y/n” and have other people go “nah ur fine” it’s very validating (also validation/external perspectives is super important for adhd bc we can be extremely bad at self assessment). so yes, the most important thing is firstly to know thyself by 1) educating yourself and 2) listening/connecting with others like u.

2. is it important to have an “official” diagnosis? no and yes. obviously you don’t need a diagnosis from a doctor to know what you are, and 70% of the things needed to help you flourish are going to come from your own research and the support systems you make. and if you cant afford or access a psychologist or psychiatrist it doesn’t make it any less real or bar you from educating yourself/accessing resources etc. HOWEVER. if you can get a good diagnosis then I really would go for it, bc: 1) it opens a LOT of doors to official resources, whether that’s access to welfare, supports and accommodations at school or college, medication, etc etc. a lot of the time the supports we need are behind this diagnostic paywall, which sucks but it is what it is :/ so that’s one consideration. 2) it can be really validating and help set your mind at ease about whether you “really” have adhd or if you’re “faking”. like I said I didn’t believe that I was “allowed” to be autistic before I got diagnosed. I also didn’t consider that I might have adhd, I went in thinking I’d just get the autism diagnosis so it wasn’t something I would have found out on my own probably. so it can be good to get an outside opinion, especially as, like I said, we can be really bad at self assessment. 3) it feels good to know you have a piece of paper to throw at rude family members/teachers/doctors who don’t believe it’s real 4) if you can find a good psychiatrist/psychologist it can be such a good thing to have that support and to get genuinely good advice from a professional you trust. doesn’t always happen but if u can find one it’s a godsend

wow this got long. to summarise, if you think you have adhd or anything else I would

research and educate yourself. for adhd probably the best thing to do is read driven to distraction and delivered from distraction, written by two psychiatrists who are adhd themselves. they’re both in this google drive along with loads of other resources I’ve collected, there’s also books about autism as well. as a disclaimer not everything/everyone here has my 100% endorsement some of it is there for academic/historical interest or only parts are helpful but by and large it’s useful. also watch this video and feel Seen

look for a good psychologist/psychiatrist if you’re going for a diagnosis. see if there’s an adhd organisation in your country/area and if they can recommend anyone. a lot of the time you’re better going to a child/educational psychologist who’ll see adult clients as they tend to Get It more. do look for someone who is clear about having experience in adult adhd bc unfortunately even qualified psychologists get a LOT wrong so make sure you get someone who knows what they’re doing before you give them your money

yes it can be really expensive. but if you’re needing to access things like medication or welfare I think it’s well worth the trouble and the money. my sister got diagnosed in her second year of college and was able to save her degree bc of extensions on projects and things like that (I didn’t get diagnosed until after college and spent four years torturing myself I WISH I had known) and it can be something that’s better done sooner rather than later. So if it’s something you can do without putting yourself in financial danger I think it’s good to bite the bullet and go for it. like I used up basically all my savings BUT I now can access disability payments and medication so it was worth it for me. it’ll be different for everyone so use your judgement obviously

anyway hope this helped! let me know if you need anything else! and good luck on your journey

[purplesurveys]

918

Have a friends survey, because I’m really missing mine.

-- List 8 Friends of Either Gender --

1. Andrew 2. Jo 3. Aya 4. Gabie 5. Hannah 6. Angela 7. Laurice 8. Aliyah

Questions About These Friends

Does number 4 have a driver’s license? Yeah. I’m pretty sure we were part of the first few people in our high school batch who learned how to drive and get our licenses.

Can number 7 speak another language? Well yeah, she can speak Filipino. Everyone on the list can at least speak Filipino.

Does 2 know your parents well? Not so much. She knows the basic stuff about my parents that I tell everyone, like how my dad works abroad.

Have 3 and 5 been in the same room together? Multiple times, until Aya graduated. All three of us were in the same applicant batch in our org so we spent a loooot of time together.

Does 1 have similar music tastes to you? Broadly, yeah. I know we both like R&B and hip-hop but he’s faaaar more passionate about the genre and he’s a lot better at picking out artists and songs.

Has 6 ever stayed at your house? She’s visited a handful of times, but I prefer going to her house instead. I don’t really have a lot to offer here whereas we never run out of things to do at her place.

When did 3 last text you? If we are talking of strictly texts, November 2018. Aya was never a good replier on text lol. But my last notification of her in general was at 4 AM today, when she sent a meme to our friends’ group chat.

Does 5 have any pets? If so, what do they have? Nope. WELP I don’t know actually. She lives all the way in Bacolod so her home life doesn’t get raised much. I know she loves dogs though.

Does 7 live in the same town/city as you? Nah, she’s a south baby through and through.

Have you ever lent something important to 8? I’ve never even met her yet. We keep planning to especially since she works in Metro Manila now, but our schedules just never work out.

Can number 1 sing well? Yes. He’s done a lot of singing gigs and as far as I know he even put out an EP at one point. He has a sick stage name too.

Does 2 have any siblings? Nah, she’s an only child.

If 4 called you at 2 AM, what would your reaction be? Take it and assume she has trouble falling asleep.

Who is 8′s best friend? I’m not sure; I don’t know her all that well. I would assume it’s someone all the way in Mindanao, since that’s where she grew up and went to school and her whole life is there - she really only moved to Metro Manila for work. That’s why I feel for her sometimes and keep offering to meet up, so she can feel less lonely.

Does 6 have a favourite tv show? If so, what is it? She loooves watching TV series but I never knew what her favorite is. Good question, I’ll have to ask her this soon.

Who out of 5 and 7 knows you the best? I say they both know me on the same level but I think Laurice does slightly more. We’ve had deeper conversations, so it’s a safe guess.

Does 4 have a boyfriend/girlfriend? You are reading her answers right now. ;)

Does 2 have a career/knows what they want to be? Yes, she’s always wanted to be a journalist. She’s entering her senior year now and I’m really proud and super impressed with her for being able to keep up such a demanding, brutal passion; I was burned out from journ by freshman year. She even helps run a fact-checking website now :) It had just been a requirement in her class to come up with a fact-checking website but theirs got SO successful, racked up some awards, and now it’s still going.

Have you ever kissed 1? No. He’s like a brother to me and that just sounds like the weirdest scenario.

Does 3 have or want children? Yes. I know she wanted them when she was with Jo, but I’m not sure if she’s changed her mind lately.

Does 6 have any piercings or tattoos? Yep, on her ears.

Do your parents know 8? No. She’s an internet friend, so I never get to raise it in conversations. And I doubt they’ll be happy if they found out I made a friend on the interwebs anyway.

Which Number...

Have you had romantic feelings for? 4.

Have you told a secret to? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8. I’m pretty open with my secrets, as dumb as that sounds lol

Have you shared a bed with? 2, 3, 4, 6, 7.

Have you watched a movie with? I remember watching The Devil Wears Prada with 2 and 3. I’ve watched several movies with 4.

Have you seen cry? 2, 3, 4, 6.

Have seen you cry? 1, 4, 5. 5 hasn’t seen me cry but she has definitely heard me.

Have cooked you something? 6 and 7 :) They’re also the biggest mom friends on the list, so I’m not surprised.

Have a boyfriend/girlfriend? 1, 4, 6. I’m not sure if 2 and 3 are still together; we never get to update each other anymore. Have met your parents? 2, 3, 7 from a meeting we once held at my house. And 4 and 6, of course - they’re my mom’s favorites.

Have been to the same school/college as you? Everyone except 8.

About Number One What age are they? He turned 22 in June.

Have you met their parents? Never. He can’t give less of a shit about his dad so I don’t care for him, though. I know he’s super protective of his mom.

Have you ever been in a relationship with them? Not at all. He wouldn’t be my type, and like I said he’s a brother to me more than anything else.

Do they like most of your other friends? We mostly have mutual friends, so. I know he likes my best frieinds though - he was even the one who reminded me about putting Angela on my thesis acknowledgments.

How often do you two meet up and/or talk? Back in school we used to see each other around 1-2 days a week. He’s a little busier than I am since he takes side gigs, so he’s not in campus all the time.

When did you last argue? We’ve never fought but the last time I got quite upset with him was last December. We were rushing to get our thesis draft submitted on time and apparently he submitted the file to our professor’s VIBER. He for sure got an earful from me that day.

What is their favourite food? I’m not sure. He does tend to have unpopular food opinions so I wouldn’t be surprised if his favorite is not a common choice.

Where is their favourite place to be? On the basketball court or anywhere with Leigh, I’m guessing.

How many close friends do they have? I know of at least two - JM and Blanch. He is friendly and has an extensive circle though, so I’m sure I’m missing several other close friends of his.

Number Two What colour are their eyes? Dark brown.

Have they known you the longest? Not at all. I’ve only known her for three years.

Where were they born? I’m guessing it would either be Manila or Makati.

Why are they your number 2? She just fell on the second slot. I was trying to randomize my friends’ names and hers just turned out to be the second one I thought of.

Do they like children? I don’t know how she feels about them exactly but one thing I know is that she doesn’t hate kids, and we’ve had numerous conversations on what we’d do in certain scenarios involving kids. 

Would they beat you in a race? I think so. But then again I did track at one point, so I’m walking onto that contest already with an advantage.

When did you last spend time alone together? Ugh c’mon man, this question is just sad. Jo had been hanging out at Skywalk less and less ever since most of the people in our friend group graduated last school year, so our last real hangout was probably that time we slept over at Laurice’s in June 2019. We never hung out a lot after that, and of course the lockdown just killed any chances we had of doing so.

Do they have a pet peeve? What is it? She has a lot of pet peeves but I can’t place any of them at the moment.

Number Three What is their hair colour? Black, as do most Filipinos.

What is their job, if they have one? Last I heard she got a gig with a major broadcasting network. I think she’s a segment producer? Segment researcher? Something of the sort.

Do they have their own place? I don’t think so; not just yet.

How many brothers or sisters do they have? I know she has a sister. I’ve forgotten if she has a brother.

Have you ever done something illegal with them? Yes hahaha illegal in university terms, at least. When we had free time and we saw that no one was using one of the classrooms in the college, our friend group snuck inside and played The Devil Wears Prada on the projector. As the only goody-two-shoes in the group I was super uneasy the whole time, but literally no faculty or staff checked in on us for the entire film. That was the moment I knew I was no longer in private school, where everyone watched you like a hawk lol.

How old were you when you met each other? I was 19, she was 21.

Are they more sporty, arty or academic? ARTSY. She’s one of the best artists I’ve ever seen and she can absolutely fucking slay any editorial cartoon.

Have you ever travelled out of country with this person? Nope. I would love to.

Person Four Do they have a favourite musician? St. Vincent’s been her fave for the longest time.

Have you drank alcohol with this person? Many times. When I drink she’s usually around.

Are their parents together? Yes.

What do you enjoy doing with them? EATING OUT!!! I also love going to new places and museum strolling with her, but yeah nothing works for me better than food with my favorite person.

When is their birthday? June 5th.

Do they have long or short hair? Long.

Have you been to a concert with this person? Yes, when we went to (illegally) see Coldplay from the top of a parking lot. Still felt like we were part of the concert grounds though.

If you asked them to describe you, what do you think they would say? Determined, hates to lose, and annoyingly generous.

Person Five Where did you two meet? I met Hannah on our enrollment day for our sophomore year in college. She and Macy had transferred from UPLB to UPD and since Macy and I were already friends from high school, she introduced me to Hannah. Then we became a lot closer when it turned out we were both applying for the same org.

How long ago did they phone you? We both hate phone calls and we’d hate to call/be called.

Do they have a certain sport they play? I don’t think she’s very athletic herself, but she loves watching UAAP games and she has a particular affinity for volleyball.

What about them annoys you sometimes? I never found her annoying. I did notice that her one weakness as a co-worker is her fear of being assertive, putting her foot down, being confident to come up with her own steps on how to come up with steps towards a situation, that kind of stuff. She often wanted someone who she felt like was more knowledgeable to be by her side and make all the decisions. But I did see her bloom a bit after a few months, so I’m proud of the progress.

Are they ruled by their head or their heart? Heart.

Are they male or female? Female.

In what ways are they the opposite of you? She’s religious and she loves to sing and perform.

How many rooms do they have in their house? No clue; I’ve never been to her house. I’ve never even been to her city.

Person Six Can they play an instrument? I think she knows *a bit* of guitar. But she’s not crazy gifted when it comes to musical instruments, I know that much.

Are they close with their mother? VERY. And she has no reason not to be - her mom is the nicest and most compassionate person I’ve ever met. Always treated me like family.

Do you know any of their siblings well? She’s an only child.

How many times have you visited their house? Countless, especially in high school and in our first few years in college.

When did you last go out to eat together? Feb. It was one of the food stalls at The Palace and we needed to eat away all the alcohol lol.

Do they own a bike? I haven’t seen one in her place so I’m assuming no. Her neighborhood is not very bike-friendly to begin with, so it’s understandable.

Do they have a sweet, sour or salty tooth? She has a...green tooth? Hahahaha she likes eating healthily.

What music genre do they listen to most? Pop, pop rock, indie, indie rock.

Person Seven Would you ever consider dating this person? Probably not. She’s SO stable and happy; I’m still working on it. I wouldn’t want to dump my shit on her vibrant and bubbly outlook on life.

Do they prefer cats or dogs? Dog, I think. I don’t know for sure though. 

Are they or do they plan to go to college? To study what? Yes, she’s in her senior year now. She’s also taking up journalism – it’s how we met.

If they did something illegal, what would it be? I highly doubt that would ever happen lmao, she’s super nice and such a goody-two-shoes. If she got caught doing something illegal it’s 100% only because she was with someone who did the thing.

Have you ever shared a sundae with this person? Maybe once or twice.

is their hair dyed or natural? It’s all black now, but at one point she dyed it light brown.

Is this person sarcastic? She can be, especially with people she’s close to.

Is this person more likely to party or sit in and read a book? SIT IN AND READ A BOOK. Literally the most accurate option.

Person Eight Have you ever lied to this person? I probably have. We’ve only ever talked on social media, where it’s a lot easier to tell a tiny lie and get away with it.

Do you know where this person was born? Somewhere in Davao I’m assuming.

Do you know their middle name and do they know yours? We know each others’ second names because have them put out on Facebook; but not our middle names.

Do they have any special talents? If she does, I don’t know about them. She’s amazing at writing though.

What is their starsign? Whatever star sign falls on the first half of December.

What is the first thing you notice about this person? Ever since the time she tweeted that she doesn’t like smiling with her teeth, her smile has always been the first thing I’m drawn to. 

Have you ever had a big row with this person? Never.

Do you like the same types of movies as this person? Not really. We met because she was friends with my friends who liked the same things she did, but when it comes to us we couldn’t really be any more different.

Random Stuff

Which of these friends would you say you are the closest to? Gabie, of course.

Can you remember all of their birthdays? I’ll give it a shot. June 22, December 31, December 5, June 5, January 16, September 15, May 23...and Aliyah’s is in early December, I’m certain.

Is there anything you regret saying to any of them? I guess only towards Gab, because I’m closest with her and we’ve been through the most together.

Which one of these has been there for you the most? Angela.

Which one have you known the longest and the shortest amount of time? I’ve been aware of Gabie the longest (18 years); been friends with Angela the longest (15 years); and been friends with Andrew the shortest (about a year and a half).

If you needed a laugh, you'd call... I wouldn’t call my friends if I needed help...but if I needed a laugh I’d turn to Anj or Andrew.

If you needed advice, you'd call... Mmm I’d pick among Andrew, Aya, Gabie, Angela, and Laurice.

Which one does your parents like the most? ANGELAAAAAAAA. She’s That friend that I can name-drop when I’m asking for permission to go out, and once my mom hears that she’s going to be with me she usually won’t hesitate to say yes haha.

Is there any of these your parents dislike? They don’t dislike any of them but I have a feeling they’ll disapprove of the fact that I made an online friend in Aliyah, especially my mom.

Do any of them share the same initials? Andrew and Aliyah do.

You can invite one with you for a once in a lifetime trip, which one? Angela.

Something you'd like to say to one of them: I miss you. That applies to everyone.

[mcwriting]

one kiss is all it takes

I had this cute idea pop into my brain one night when I was tryna sleep and just couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

It’s wayyyyy overly descriptive but this whole thing was basically me imagining every little detail possible and putting it on the page. I’m not one for ambiguity in my writing if you haven’t noticed lol. 

Anyways I’m still working on starstruck so here’s this for your troubles 

Fandom: Thomas Stanley Holland (plus mention of spidey)

Ship: Tom Holland x Reader (ik the beginning has Peter but it’s explained under the cut ;) lol)

Setting: good ol’ Atlanta, GA (aka a place I wanna visit so bad) 

Word Count: 4943 (omg I almost had a stroke reading that number this is my longest story to date)

Warnings: teeny bad word, some SeXuAl themes and kissing, as the title implies

Rating: T but it ain’t that extreme 

sorry it’s so long lol rip 

+

“Look, Peter, you may have been gone that 5 years, but I lost almost everything during them, and then, it all somehow got worse,” you explained through gritted teeth, standing from the end of your king sized bed to face him.

“My mom, my only source of comfort, was snapped, blipped, gone, sucked into a stupid rock for five years and me? I was stuck up here in this dumb apartment with an asshole father,” tears streamed down your face, confusing you, as you continued ferociously.

“You know what happened after maybe six months? He brought home his idiot secretary and flaunted her in front of me for over four YEARS! And guess what happened after the whole shebang was over and everyone came back?”

Your voice finally cracked and you stared at Peter for a moment before continuing.

“He pretended that he was faithful the entire time, all the while ignoring me and ruining every false hope I had that he was a decent human being. So you know what, spider boy? You may have been gone those five years, but I lost every good relationship in my life, so don’t come here pretending like you’re the only one with problems in this city,” you whispered.

He stood, reaching out to say something, but you held up a hand to stop him in his tracks. 

“You know what? Just get out,” you commanded.

“Wait I-”

“Out. Now.”

He stood for a brief second before stepping to your open window. Before he could put the mask on and go, a loud voice cut through the silence over a speaker.

“Cut!” Exclaimed Jon, causing both you and Tom to relax and smile.

You wiped the unintentional tears from your face. This had been your third take and for some reason, you had finally worked up a cry for the scene. It felt right, and Tom came over to compliment you on it. 

You were filming for another Spider-Man film and your character was a fresh take on Gwen Stacy, who had a new name similarly to Zendaya’s MJ. 

The character was a rich, somewhat bratty New Yorker who had been eleven during Thanos’s snap and grown into a sixteen year old Midtown student by the time everyone was revived. 

She hadn’t been on the European trip displayed in Far From Home, the excuse being that she was a model working events and doing photoshoots all summer. She also had become one of the most popular people in the school due to her internet fame, incredible academics, and wealth.

You had been shocked to receive the role but honored to become a member of the MCU. Over the couple of months spent in Atlanta by now, you had become integrated with the rest of the cast, getting especially close with your celebrity (and now real) crush Tom Holland. 

Weekends were often spent at the house Marvel provided him, where he lived with Harry and Harrison, who was once again able to tag along as Tom’s “assistant.” You lived only minutes down the road in your own small place and would go to Tom’s to swim or just hang out.

You and Tom were currently talking, you joking that you wished the scene was done so you wouldn’t have to bring out tears again. 

Almost prophetically, the Jason Bourne theme began playing over the speakers, Jon’s way of indicating that the scene was finished and needed no further work until post-production.

You looked to Tom and both of you sighed and held out arms for a hug and congratulations, ready to wrap the day as it was a late Friday night and you wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed all weekend.

You two began walking off of set to go to the trailers when Jon jogged after, calling out,

“Hold on guys, I need to talk to you about next week!”

He was holding two manila envelopes, each printed with yours and Tom’s names. Jon gripped them tightly.

“So I thought I’d give you these tentative scripts for the kissing scene so you two could prepare for Monday. As always, you can do some improv or try to make it better but I thought I’d give this as a heads up,” the director explained.

You were stunned, and surely looked it too. A quick glance at Tom showed he was more collected but definitely confused too.

“I’m sorry, Jon, but kiss? You never said there would be one between us I mean, he and MJ are still together, right?” You asked tentatively.

“Yeah I’m gonna have to agree with y/n, man. You said we might have a ‘moment’ but never mentioned a kiss. The fans’ll hate us,” Tom concurred, “but I haven’t read it yet so I’m sure it makes sense.”

“Wait did I not warn you guys? I’m so sorry. I mean we can change the scene if it makes you guys uncomf-”

“NO!” you exclaimed way too quickly, face heating up. “No, no, I mean, I’ll do it, if Tom’s in. I just, uh, didn’t realize we’d have to do an actual, real kiss is all.”

You had never kissed anyone before, and the prospect of Tom Holland being your first was unbelievably tempting. Tom had nodded along and agreed to move forward with it as well. With that and the scripts now in hand, you began walking to your trailers again, Tom alongside you.

After a few moments of silence under the artificial lights outside, Tom spoke up.

“Hey, would you maybe want to practice this scene at my place tomorrow? I know it was all kind of just thrown on us and I’d definitely feel better with some rehearsing.”

You smiled at the gesture, but again blushed at the thought of kissing Tom Holland, the guy you had been crushing on since Homecoming. You were glad that there was a shadow hiding your pink cheeks.

“Honestly, that’s perfect. I can come over at like 11 and after we can all have lunch and hang by the pool?” You asked, nervously hoping he would accept as you stepped in front of the steps to your trailer.

“That’s perfect, darling,” he replied, voice smooth and clear. You couldn’t help but look back at him walking away as you climbed the steps and went through the door, butterflies making themselves present in your stomach.

+

You slung your bag containing a swimsuit, sunscreen, towel, and snacks over the back of a chair and tossed your keys on the end table in Tom’s living room. You, Harry, and Haz sat on the kitchen counters while waiting for Tom to come out from a shower, joking around and sipping on beverages.

Soon enough, Tom came out and led you into the office, a small room with a couch, desk, and bookshelves that connected to the backyard with a sliding glass door. It was pretty private and well lit, giving you both a comfortable environment to work.

You started off by just reading over the lines and doing some basic marking, always stopping before the kiss. The scene would tie into Friday’s take, where Peter would return to your room to apologize, and you would kiss him out of nowhere in your distress. Then, you would promptly kick him out again upon realizing the ramifications the kiss could have on Peter and MJ’s relationship.

Finally, Tom suggested you work on the kiss by itself, 

“Before we do, can I make a confession?,” you questioned, chest beating heavily.

“Of course,” he said, full attention on you, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“Look, Tom, I’ve never kissed anyone, in real life or acting. Can we please take this slow?”

“Absolutely y/n. I had no idea,” he looked around, “and since it’s your first time, I think a lesson is at hand.”

You cocked an eyebrow, then nodded, trying not to seem too excited. He led you over to the large, sturdy oak desk, gesturing for you to hop up.

“I know you’re in control of this during the actual scene, but if it’s okay I thought maybe I could lead it for right now? I get it if you don’t want to but-”

“No, no. That’s a great idea,” you pushed onto the desk and sat on the edge, legs dangling, “tell me what I’ve gotta do.”

He smiled and stepped forward.

“Okay, um. Well. Is it okay if I get between your legs, or put one knee in and,” you burst out in laughter at his wording, “Oh my God that sounded awful didn’t it I’m so sorry I just don’t want to push you further than you’re ready to go.”

“Tom,” you put a hand on his shoulder, pulling him closer, your knees now around his hips, “you’re doing great. And you know me, I’m not afraid to tell you what’s up if I’m not feeling it.”

He looked down at you sheepishly, then placed his hands on the desk on either side of you. Your position caused you to be only a few inches shorter than him, so as he leaned forward his face came even closer. 

The proximity made your heart race, and you tried to figure out where to put your own hands, settling on your lap for now. 

He grabbed your wrists and placed your palms on his back, then put his own on your shoulders. 

“Okay so is it alright if I put my hands on your neck and chin? Or do you want to do something different?”

“Dude, just do what feels right. You’re the one with experience. If it goes bad, then it’s bad and we figure out what to do, right?”

“Maybe you should be the one doing this then,” he chuckled, causing you to wrinkle your nose and shake your head. 

His fingers traced up your shoulders and neck, him placing the left on the nape of your neck, underneath your mess of hair, and the right just below your chin. He tipped your face up gently and you were now millimeters apart, so close that you could feel his hot breath.

“May I?” he whispered, making you gulp and give a slight nod. You could feel your eyes glazing over.

He took this as a yes and leaned in further, finally closing the gap. You closed your eyes completely to melt into his warm lips. The feeling of his fingers gripping your hair was like heaven, and after a seeming eternity, finally you separated to get some air.

Your eyes were still closed when you felt Tom brush his thumb over your lips. Upon opening your eyes and glancing up, Tom was looking at you with a soft grin mimicking yours. His left hand remained in your hair but he slid the right one down to the space between your shoulder blades.

“Was that alright for your first time, darling?” He questioned sweetly, words dripping like thick honey in the still air. 

It was like fireworks were going off around you in your head.

“I, um. It, yeah. Absolutely. I’m just... wow.” you stammered, unable to compose yourself properly. 

He breathed out a laugh and threw his head back, then went back to looking into your eyes. You studied the crinkles by his eyes and his lopsided grin closely, trying to burn the memory into your brain forever.

“Shall we try again?” he asked cheekily, and you responded with fervor once more.

He continued to move his right hand further down, palm spreading over the small of your back. Your nerves tingled at the touch and instinctively you arched your back. Your own hands found themselves on his shoulders and your legs wrapped all the way around his hips loosely.

The second time was longer, hungrier, more passionate. 

Am I dreaming? You promptly imagined, wondering how life had brought you to this moment.

After separating this time, you could see a ravenous flame in Tom’s eyes, and you decided to try something different. 

You told him to wait as you climbed further onto the desk, sitting on your knees and now towering a few inches above Tom. He looked a you with an interested glint in his eyes as you scooted closer.

Your hands found his again and this time you guided them to the lowest part of your back, hoping he would take the hint. 

With that, you were now in control, grabbing each side of his face between your palms and pulling him forward and up into another kiss, his hands instinctively traveling below your hips and onto your glutes, just as you had wanted.

Suddenly you broke the kiss, afraid you were coming on too strong. 

“This is all for research purposes, right?”

“Sure, we’ll call it that,” he quipped before pulling you back down.

Eventually you found yourself standing on the ground, once again shorter than Tom but happy nonetheless. The make out session continued, both of you trying to convince yourselves that with each new hand position or lean you were purely trying it all for the measly scene on Monday. 

Finally, you found yourselves on the couch. You had started by just sitting next to each other, similar to how the scene described your positions, but now somehow you were sitting straddled over his lap, knees digging into the sofa and his hands once again resting on your backside.

Nothing could ruin this moment you thought as your fingers ran through his curls.

Oh how wrong you were. 

You thought you were just imagining the sound of the door creaking open, but suddenly realized that you hadn’t when a new male voice spoke up.

“Woah, hey there you two,” Harry joked, causing you to whip your head around and stare at him like a deer in the headlights.

“Harry! It’s not what it looks like, I swear!” You immediately exclaimed.

Nice one, y/n. Like you aren’t just straight up making out with his brother??

“Righttttt. So anyways I just came to let you know that lunch is ready and also you guys have been in here for like an hour but feel free to finish up whatever... this is,” he trailed gesturing vaguely at you two before turning around and shutting the door behind himself.

You turned back to Tom, whose face was red as a tomato (and yours probably was too), then in record time separated yourself from his lap, heart pounding like never before.

“Sooo... lunch?” He asked awkwardly.

“Definitely. Definitely lunch.”

+

You were lounging on a chaise near the pool, sunglasses covering your closed eyes as you soaked in the sun. The boys were messing around in the pool and you couldn’t help but think about what happened before lunch every time Tom spoke.

“Hey y/n!” he called.

“Hmm?” you hummed, not bothering to look up. 

“Why don’t you join us? We want to do a chicken fight and I need a partner.”

“Depends. How warm is the water?” you ask, still unmoving. 

“Like 30 degrees! It’s so nice.”

“That’s below freezing in Fahrenheit. Not very appealing to me.”

“Alright that’s like, what, 85 f? It feels reeaaaally good, babe.”

You couldn’t help but smile when he called you babe. It wasn’t the first time he had, and he actually did it to a lot of people, but it still felt nice.

“Alright fine,” you sighed dramatically as you stood up, removed your sunglasses, and dove in.

+

An hour or so later, more members of the cast had come over and you decided to join Zendaya under the porch, both of you watching the new team of Jacob and Tom chicken fighting Harry and Harrison while Tony, Remy, and Angourie looked on from nearby.

“So I heard that Harry saw something going on earlier. Anything you wanna tell me?” Z mentioned slyly, lowering her sunglasses to eye you.

You groaned and placed your head in your hands.

“Is he really gonna tell everyone?” You managed to ask, wanting to crawl in a hole and hide forever. 

Zendaya had been the first person to confront you about your crush on Tom about two weeks after filming began. She had told you that most of the people on set had a suspicion but were afraid to ask, so ever since then you often confided in her for advice or just to spill tea.

Finally, you sat up and quietly told her what happened, her trying to hype you up occasionally while you instead tried to shush her as not to draw the boys’ attention.

That night, after pizza and drinks with everyone, you prepared to go home, grabbing your bag, keys, and script. You called out a goodbye to everyone still there and waved, heading to the door.

Tom jumped up and followed you.

“Hey, y/n!” you turned around at his voice and could see everyone elbowing each other and whispering in the beackground. He led you out the door and shut it behind him.

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright after today and say I’m sorry if I ever took things too far,” he confessed. Your heart swelled at how sweet and considerate he was.

“Honestly Tom, I could say the same. I’m was afraid you think I’m crazy or something,” you joked, causing a chuckle from both of you and him to shake his head. 

“I could never. You already know how crazy I am, and I think I’ve already seen some of your wild side too,” he shot back.

You both said your goodbyes and went in for a hug. It lasted a few seconds longer than normal, and when you pulled away, he looked down at his feet. Even then, he still waited on the porch for you to get in your car and waved as you pulled away, making sure you got out safe.

+

It was 5 am Monday morning and you weren’t ready to head to set. 

Your Sunday had been pretty standard, reading over lines in the morning and hanging out with some of your cast mates that afternoon. Once night fell, though, you found it difficult to sleep in fear of the kiss scene. 

Yours and Tom’s Saturday afternoon kept replaying in your head like a Twitter gif until you finally succumbed to exhaustion, dreaming still about a certain celebrity, so you weren’t exactly well rested upon waking.

Once arriving to your trailer at Pinewood Atlanta, you dropped off your things and headed straight to hair and makeup. The scene would be set at night as your character prepared to go to bed, so only a light coating of natural foundation and clear mascara adorned your face and your hair was tied back in two french braids.

You were glad that your makeup was so quick today, but you also didn’t want to leave as dread filled your stomach about the scene.

It was one thing to make out with Tom Holland in the privacy of his own home, but another to plant one on him in front of the cast, crew, and cameras.

You headed to wardrobe, where you got dressed into comfortable black leggings and an oversized midtown sweatshirt. 

You were walking out when Jon, looking down at his phone in hand, almost ran into you, stopping you in your tracks.

“Oh, hey, y/n! Just the person I was looking for. I just wanted to see how you were feeling about this whole kissing scene. Are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess,” you laughed, “but really, Tom and I worked through it Saturday so I think it’ll be alright.”

“Right, yeah I heard about that. Harry said you guys were pretty... thorough about the scene. Well anyways, we’ll call you and Tom to set in a little bit. He’s getting in the suit right now. See you later!” Jon walked off, going back to his business on his phone.

You, on the other hand, were frozen in place, mortified. Why did Harry have the need to tell everyone that he caught you locking lips with his brother? It was just research, after all, nothing serious, you tried to convince yourself again.

You of course shouldn’t have been surprised. Leave it to a Holland brother to keep his mouth shut...

+

You walked onto the bedroom set, where Tom was already present with his back to you, getting some last minute translucent powder over his t-zone. 

His ass and thighs looked exceptionally good in the suit today, the tight material hugging his muscular body nicely. 

You felt a little bad that your costume was literally pajamas and Tom’s was spandex, but hey, you weren’t necessarily complaining. 

You took a deep breath, trying to shake off any “intrusive” thoughts, considering the high you were still riding from Saturday and your nervousness for the shoot. 

When Tom turned around and his eyes met yours, his face lit up.

“Hey, darling. Good morning. How are you? Are you ready?” he immediately began, his chipper voice surprising you considering how early it still was. You both went in for a hug.

“Good morning to you, too. And I think so, considering how well we prepared the other day,” you joked quietly into his shoulder. 

You both pulled away and he had his eyebrows raised in response to your smirk. 

He was about to rebut when Jon made his way over, putting one hand on each of your shoulders. 

“Alright you two. I know you worked things out over the weekend, but you guys are gonna have to hold back a little bit, this may be an intense scene, but not that kind,” he chastised, a hint of mischief in his voice. 

Jon was eyeing both of you, and you and Tom both looked to find each other blushing like mad.

With that as confirmation, Jon clapped his hands together and yelled out for the production team to get in their positions so you could camera test and eventually shoot the scene. 

With everything planned out, you both got into character and found yourself in place to begin. 

The AC held a clap board in front of the camera, waiting for the all clear to begin your take.

“Alright, action,” Jon called over the microphone. 

You walked across the room, stopping in your footsteps. 

“Peter...” you trailed in surprise. 

He pulled off the mask and shook his head, motioning for you to wait and allow him to speak.

He began apologizing, trying to convince your character to give him a second chance and even try to be friends.

Then he started talking about his parents and uncle Ben, causing your face to fall over time as realization that both characters had experienced extreme loss in different ways, his much worse than yours. 

Both of you eventually sat on the side of the bed closely and looked at each other, a sad expression glazing your features. You looked down in thought.

“Are you okay?” Peter asked tentatively.

An overwhelming urge took you over and your lips crashed into his. You had squeezed your eyes shut and put a hand on his shoulder. Peter stiffened like a board, but then kissed back.

Suddenly, you pulled back, eyes wide open. 

“Oh my God. You’re with MJ. I just kissed a taken man. Peter, you just kissed me back!” 

Panic overcame your voice. 

“You have to leave, now!” you exclaimed in your alarmed state.

“Wait, we can talk about this, it wasn’t what you think!”

“Peter, I can’t do this to your girlfriend. She doesn’t deserve this. You need to go, and you should probably give her a heads up about what happened. But please,” your voice was desperate now, “make sure she knows it’s my fault. Make her hate me, not you.”

Parallel to the last scene, Peter went back to your open window, ready to mask up and swing out.

“Cut!” Jon called out again, then asked you to stay in your positions while he came down.

“Guys that was great!” he began upon getting closer. He then gave you both a few notes, explaining that you would need to do the shot a few more times at least to get it really solid. 

After every take, both you (and hopefully Tom) became more comfortable kissing in front of the crew. It took another twenty or so takes with different motivations and movements and angles before Jon called it done.

Both of you suspected that he and everyone else really just wanted you to kiss more, but no one would mention it out loud.

With the scene finished, everyone prepared to film other parts of the movie where Peter would have his mask off and you got to have a few breaks, watching from afar with Harry, Harrison, and some of the other assistants.

Harry leaned over at some point during the afternoon.

“You two really tamed it down, huh?” he whispered. You gave him a backhanded hit to the bicep.

“Oh shut up. We were acting, that’s all.” 

He raised a suspicious eyebrow and leaned in again.

“Tell that to the video Harrison got of you two in the study. He may or may not have set up a camera in the bookcase,” he suggested, glancing over to Tom’s oblivious best friend.

You gasped and straightened up.

“I’ll kill him,” you too looked to Haz, then Harry again, “but after he shows me the footage.”

+

A long filming day had once again commenced, and you were packing up your bag to head home when a knock was heard on the door of your trailer. 

The distinct rapping pattern alerted you that it was Tom and you opened it up to see him looking down at his phone. 

“Hey, y/n. Ready to walk to the parking lot?” he asked holding out his hand to help you down the steps. 

For a while now, Tom or one of his “assistants” would usually walk with you to your car for safety purposes, especially if it was dark out. 

As you both strolled through the darkness, you couldn’t help but notice the slower pace you both took on, trailing quite a few yards behind Harry and Haz, both of whom laughing at who knew what while going to Tom’s vehicle.

“So I think today went well,” you brought up, not sure where it would go.

“Yeah it was fun. I do have to say, however, that Saturday was a bit more enjoyable than this morning,” he implied, eyeing you.

“Oh yeah? I’d agree, but I hear that your best friend happened to catch it all on video.” 

He huffed and rolled his eyes.

“That voyeur, always ruining the moment. Maybe we oughta try it again sometime, without the threat of others watching,” Tom suggested, surprising you. 

You decided to get bold.

“You’re not even gonna take me out first? The nerve of some people,” you jokingly scoffed, gazing away from Tom at the cars highlighted in moonlight.

“Okay,” he replied, mimicking the way you had looked away when you turned back to face him. There was a faint smile on his lips. 

“What?”

“I said okay. Let’s go on a date.”

You stopped in your tracks and fully turned towards him and he followed suit. 

“You don’t mean that do you? Like, you actually would take me on a date?”

“If it meant that I could kiss you one more time I would take you on a million dates,” he replied sincerely. 

You couldn’t help the way your jaw dropped in surprise. Both of you stood silently staring at one another, unsure of what to say.

Suddenly, you burst into giggles and he did too.

“That was so cheesy!” you exclaimed between laughs, both of you doubled over, and he nodded in agreement.

After calming down you gave him a toothy grin. 

“The answer is yes, by the way.”

“Really?” he asked incredulously. 

You began walking again, your car just in sight. 

“Of course. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve had a huge crush on you since before we even met,” you confessed. You stopped again, just behind your car bumper.

“Coulda fooled me. I thought I was the one being obvious. I have been attracted to you since the first time we met, and my feelings have only grown since knowing you.”

 You couldn’t help the butterflies erupting in your stomach and your widening smile as you looked up into his eyes.

“You know, I think I could make one exception right now, as long as you’re willing to make it up later?” you proposed, your eyes looking to the moon and stars now as you awaited his reply.

“I think that’s a debt I can handle,” he responded, snaking a hand around your waist and the other up under your chin again. 

He closed the gap between you both and you smiled against his lips, eyes closing in euphoria. 

You could’ve probably stayed there forever, but the hoots and hollers of the other two British boys just across the aisle made you both pull away. 

You looked towards the voices to find Harry and Harrison sticking out of the sunroof of Tom’s Audi A8, where they were still cheering and Harrison was holding up his phone to film. 

Both you and Tom couldn’t help but laugh at the once again unfortunate circumstance as he threw an arm over your shoulder to pull you close and you put one hand on his chest next to where you rested your head. 

Maybe you two were destined to be seen every time you smooched, but hey, at least you were the one kissing Tom Holland. 

+

A/N: yo this took way too long to write. Mostly bc I’m still in the process of writing starstruck and I always get stuck deciding on which piece to work on every night but alas! It is done! I’m proud of this one. I know it’s long, but I think it’s worth it ya know? Hope you all enjoyed! XO love y’all :)