#i slwayd knew at one point i was going to drift away enough from visual art | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

steampunkedparm · 2 years ago

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im not one of the visual art kids anymore. which! huh! not a bad change or a good change! just. is?

i dunno its like. i was known as this one thing for so long. and it's still something i do and love doing but its not. me anymore? its no longer "oh can i see your sketchbook" its them hoping i dont bring up my latest theatre tech adventure. and its weird??

i dont carry a sketchbook with me anymore. i barely touch my drawing tablet sometimes. i dont run out of graphite as fast or ask for a new sketchbook every month or so. and its weird!! i guess?? im tried and thinking about this too much lol but like. instead of pencils im given old radioactive lighting equipment and its.

when did that shift happen? (the lighting equipment is really cool though!!) identity crisis moment i guess? is this considered a midlife crisis? i need to go to bed and i kinda miss being one of the art kids

#wuh hih what is this #gods its so strange #i know its obvious but im so completely different from art kid me and #while its a Little saf its for the best #because i can make a job out of this newer art form to me that ive fallen in love with #i slwayd knew at one point i was going to drift away enough from visual art #but there will always be that place in my heart for it #and in not on the same level as my friends and partner when it comes to it #but i see one of my friends and one of their friends do the same thing i used to do with friends #and i want to cry #because that isnt who we are anymore #i. miss just sitting and making art with friends. i miss the swapping of sketchbooks and talking about our characters #and thats very silly of me to say that #but it feels like something shifted and thatd not possible and of coirse it has we're all adults now #but i feel like not being one of the srt kids had pushed me away in some way somehow. yknow?#again its very silly #im blaming these thoughts on what time is it (2 am)#i want to scream sometimes #about these things #about who i am #who ive become. who i will be #all that poetic so8nding shit #i dunno it just. hurts sometimes #its so so so so silly #this is getting pathetic #this wasn't supposed to be sad

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