#i slept 11 hours last night and i swear i could’ve gone for more

[the-sn0wy-0wl]

I’m so fucking tired and the apartment isn’t even done yet and we’re only moving next week

[subwaysurf45]

Winter Makes Ice (Ep.1)

Summary: you’re captured after a brawl at the Avengers building, Bucky and others must save you before Hydra makes a new Winter Soldier out of you, Bucky has given up that title. 

Episode: One 

Words: 3948

Warning: depiction/description of violence, kidnapping, killing, PTSD, depression. 

A/N: I will be making a masterlist for this specific series!

Masterlist!

Winter Makes Ice (series masterlist)

Time: 1:36pm

Date: September 23rd, 2024

“Bucky, I swear to fucking god-” You threw the person you just knocked out onto the ground of the common room, “you have to get out of here, It’s you or this entire building!” Bucky gave you a sympathetic look as you fought off Hydra agents, your gun fired three shots behind you to another agent you sensed running up. 

“But I can’t leave you!” Bucky screamed back over the fire and bullets, Hydra agents were running in from every which way. The smoke rising made it harder for him to see you and Sam, who was also there a couple seconds ago. Everyone else was trying to stop the agents from the outside or other levels. It was a complete break-in. 

“Fuck all that Bucky, I love you but I can’t love you if you’re dead- Fuck!” You screamed in pure anger as you began hand to hand combat with an agent, he wasn’t good at all so it was a quick take down. “James!” you looked over to just see him standing there, his eyes were watery from the pain and smoke, “you need to fucking leave! Run!” you shouted, waving him off. 

“I love you!” He yelled over, hands cupping his mouth to make sure you heard him.

“I’ll tell you I love you after this, we’ll be okay,” you looked over your shoulder to find three new agents running in, their eyes weren’t even looking at you. You looked back to find Bucky still standing there, “fucking run!” Your throat felt raw, all the screaming and fighting was taking a massive toll on you. 

Bucky took off in the other direction, the fire was subsiding as he got further from you. The serum gave him lungs like no other, so running through fire and smoke was easy. With a frantic mind and tunnel vision his left and right mixed up, all Bucky was trying to find was an exit and it should’ve been easy but he’d turn back after remembering this wasn’t the right hallway. His hand was gripped tightly on his gun while the metal hand held a knife firmly, after getting his mind back he found he could throw better with his left and shoot with his right- his dominant hand is right anyway. 

“Anyone on their com?” Everyone had quickly shoved theirs in during the start of the ambush; half the SHIELD agents weren’t wearing their tactical gear. 

“Rogers is here,” Steve ended his sentence with a grunt. 

“So is Romanoff,” Nat sounded a bit more composed but still out of breath. 

“y/n is down on the main floor, she told me to run because all they’re after is me, someone needs to go down and help her,” he received a few confirmations before focusing back to the task at hand. The bright light of the afternoon sun blinded him for a second, with all the lights shutting off and the smoke it made it seem like it was night. Bucky reached up to rub his eyes to help adjust to the sun but ended up just rubbing smoke and fumes into them, “fuck!” He stumbled back against the closed door as he used his shirt to rub his eyes but that was also covered in his smoke. 

Bucky reached back and grabbed a completely full water jug that was the size of his palm, Bucky could feel his heart shatter as his eyes cleared because it was you who- only a matter of hours ago -was leading a very relaxed meeting about these water bottles, ‘you need to hydrate to stay on your feet’ you had said a couple times. His mind was as clear as his eyes, the way you were screaming at him to leave, the way you stood directly between him and the Hydra agents so they had to shoot through you to get him, the way you kept looking back to him with tears in your eyes because all you wanted was for him to stay but you knew better and sent him away. The tears mixed with the water as he sprayed his face, the smoke clung to his sweat like he did to you after a nightmare. The entire Avengers building was slowly caving in on itself, he could feel his heart lurch with every new piece of the building fall on the inside, he just hoped it didn’t hit you. 

He kept walking further from what he once called home, trying to get a better view of it all. He wanted to look away because he felt like all at once the building could crumble to pieces and consume you with it, there was no saving the building; and quite possibly you. 

“Wh-gent-hu?” Bucky had walked too far away from the building and the coms, all of them were close to low battery because of the last mission. Bucky ran towards the building and couldn’t see anyone on the roof, but as he ran closer the clearer the coms got. “Where-agent-I can’t-what is happ-sto-!” It was three different voices screaming together at once, Bucky whipped the doors open and saw just how much the inside changed. 

The walls weren’t a sophisticated grey anymore but rather charred and black, there was no roof, at all. Bucky ran into the common room to find everyone looking under fallen planks and bars of steel, he started lifting them too. Everyone was running around and screaming at eachother, everyone had a different level of injury. Steve was throwing support beams like nothing, Bucky ran over. “Who are we looking for, Steve?” 

Steve just looked at Bucky with tears falling down his face, his skin was brown with dirt but his tears left trails down his skin. “Bucky, man, I’m sorry…” Steve sniffled and covered his mouth. Natasha had walked over, her hands were shaking and clutching something close to her heart. 

“I think we have our answer,” Nat cried and handed Bucky the water bottles you introduced. 

“Who’s-” he was cut off when Bucky flipped the bottle to check the bottom, and there in your hand writing was your name, and a little heart next to it. 

Bucky felt as though his soul had just left his body, everyone was getting close to giving up the search for you. If your body would be found it would be a miracle for you to still be alive, your lungs would have been fried due to the smoke and a pillar could crush you like it was nothing. Sparks flew off of snapped electrical that could be electrocuting you at this moment, small fires still burned which could be living off our ashes, any of the pure destruction could be killing you. And yet people were giving up, by the look on Steve’s face Bucky knew he should as well. 

Time: 11:45am 

Date: September 23rd, 2024

“So you’re saying we have little squirt bottles, this is fucking great!” Sam laughed, he looked at the clear bottle that was shaped into a big teardrop, the kind marathon runners keep on their belt. He pulled a sharpie out of his pocket and wrote his name. 

You sat next to Bucky who was still feeling the effects of the last mission, it was at a Hydra base to just get intel but even then, it was still hard. Everyone got back a day ago and decided to push the debrief for the next day because of the shared exhaustion. Bucky slept for twelve hours because of it. 

“Do you like them?” you asked, referencing the bottles, you both held yours as you waited for the marker to be passed to you. 

“Anything you do, I like, sweetheart.” Bucky pulled you into his side and cuddled with you for a bit, he had always found your touch was a good way to stay grounded. Your heart beat could be felt anywhere, and Bucky would always try and match it. The marker was passed to you both and you wrote your names, a little heart found its home next to the last letter of your name, Bucky could only smile wide and shake his head and he took the marker and wrote his. 

You and Bucky made your way back to your shared room before cuddling up in bed, a movie was thrown on and you both watched it as your eyes started to close. Bucky was awake, he kept looking down at your head on his shoulder to leave a little kiss, he’d always let his lips linger on the top of your head so he could smell your shampoo. Normally you were clinging to him for warmth but he could feel you were radiating heat, your sweater was actually his and the covers were tucked to you and Bucky got the edge, this wasn’t new for him. You were almost asleep but still every minute or so you’d subconsciously snuggle your cheek deeper into Bucky’s shoulder, small little circles in Bucky’s shoulder as you got more comfy. 

Bucky ended up falling asleep too, it was weird when he would wake and realize how vulnerable he was to be asleep with you beside him and the door unlocked, he would smile at himself and make a mental note to bring it up to his therapist that he slept soundly again. Bucky probably could’ve gone the entire night but was woken up by a hard time breathing, something was caught in his throat so his cough woke him up. Then his dry cough woke you up, right away your nose turned up at the smell. 

“Smells like burnt,” you said and stood up, a couple joints popping back into place. 

“Ya, that’s what it was,” Bucky nodded, he pulled his shirt over his nose. 

“Wanda needs to leave Nat alone with the cooking thing, Nat doesn’t like to cook so I don’t know why Wanda keeps bugging her, right?” you turned back to Bucky, he was nodding along. “Everyone has their thing, cooking isn’t Nat’s thing but that's fine,” you sighed, “I’m gonna actually talk to Wanda about-” 

Three bangs landed right on your door, you jumped back from it and Bucky stood up. Two guns were pulled out of the bedside tables, Bucky tossed one of them to you. The banging went again and it wasn’t a friendly bang, you both knew this wasn’t one of your friends. The safety of the guns were both pulled back with a ticking sound, Bucky put his clip in his gun, you like to use a revolver and it was already ready. The top hinge blew off and the door slightly fell forward, the lights were off and the emergency ones gave little light, there was smoke crawling through the cracks in the door. Bucky had made his way to the other side of the bed to you, now you were both in front of the door. 

“Who do you think it is?” You whispered to him, your shoulders rubbed against his with quick breathes. 

“No idea,” Bucky muttered back, his lips barely moved. 

The door busted down and because you both were ready the guy didn’t stand a chance, the intruder fell back in an instant at the rapid fire from the guns, the sound would be as loud as the banging on the door. The intruder wasn’t even ready to fire, his gun flipped out of his holster and slid a tiny bit on the tile floors before stopping. The emergency lights hit the silver gun perfectly, you noticed red on it but it didn’t look like blood, there was some type of symbol or branding on it. You slowly walked closer, your bare feet not giving away you were moving in case someone was waiting before the threshold of the door. 

“Bucky…” you whispered and turned to him, “you gotta get out of here,” you slowly bent down and picked up the gun, the Hydra symbol was hard to see now that it was not getting any light. Bucky’s nostrils flared as a way to hide what he was feeling, his mouth opened to try and talk this through but the sounds of coughing, guns, and screams took its place. 

You both ran to the common room, everyone was there, fighting an agent. Coming from a third angle you took out some of the agents with your gun, they didn’t see it coming; neither did Nat as she pointed her gun in your direction. 

“They want their intel back, go to the computers!” Steve screamed, you turned and ran. 

Bucky joined the fight in the common room, he kept looking back to see you getting smaller and smaller down the hall. All he had was his gun and a knife he picked up from his dresser, both were used as more and more Hydra agents ran in and came from the ceiling that was falling apart. 

You turned quickly into the room, computers and wires everywhere. Your time was spent in the training room rather than here, but you logged in mission reports on the computers. Hard drives of every mission, every person, and every thing were connected everywhere. Tons of information that could give Hydra the upperhand, there were still hard drives you had just stolen from Hydra that no one had looked into yet. This was all they wanted, but it was weird to see how many agents were coming in and not making their way to the intel room. You stood on guard with your gun out and ready, you weren’t wearing anything protective so you stood behind an old computer that was yet to be thrown out. 

A man walked in, he was tall and slim. Brown hair curled down to his shoulders and his eyes were a dark green, they pierced right through you. You were about to shoot but he just put out his hand, his index finger coming up and wagging you off. “I wouldn’t do that,” he warned, his voice was like gravel. 

“Why not?” You grunted, finger ready on the trigger. 

He didn’t even reach for his gun, his hands out in front of him. “Because, you’d never shoot the messenger, would you?” His hands lowered but he kept them out. You slowly lowered your gun but kept your hands ready, fingers still holding the trigger. “I came on my own terms, no leader sent me,” He added and pulled a chair out. 

“Out with it, I don’t need your cryptic bullshit!” your gun was raised again, “hands up!” 

He raised them, “we don’t want intel.” 

“What?” 

“You stole our intel, that’s fine.” his nose stuffed up, “but you steal our weapon, rid him of his purpose...then we have an issue.”  

“He’s not a weapon!” you knew exactly who they were talking about, “and we didn’t steal him, we saved him, we saved Bucky!” you yelled again, tears gathering in your eyes. 

The man sat back on his chair, “I don’t care at this point, none of us do, you either give us our Winter Soldier or we will burn this place to the ground.” He stood to size you up, “the message has been given, shoot me if you want, I heard humans are flammable so I’d help burn this place-” 

The man's brain flew out and hit the walls, blood sprayed over you and the computers. His knees folded in and the hole in his head slammed against the floor, you should have let him suffer but he probably was working for Hydra, and that’s suffering everyday. The man’s skin whitened in a matter of seconds, all the blood rushing out of that one spot was getting near the electrical, so you ran back to the common room. 

Bucky was there, “most of them went to the roof, we got it down here!” He screamed. 

“They’re after you!” you yelled and shot a few agents down, “this isn’t intel, they want you Bucky!” The smoke was flying up and with all the fast movements, it was getting harder to see him, but you saw the metal arm in the reflection. 

“It doesn’t matter, I’m staying here!” He stopped to reload, but you knocked someone down and turned to face him. 

“Bucky, I swear to fucking god-” You threw the person you just knocked out onto the ground of the common room, “you have to get out of here, It’s you or this entire building!” Bucky gave you a sympathetic look as you fought off Hydra agents, your gun fired three shots behind you to another agent you sensed running up. 

“But I can’t leave you!” Bucky screamed back over the fire and bullets, Hydra agents were running in from every which way. The smoke rising made it harder for him to see you and Sam, who was also there a couple seconds ago. Everyone else was trying to stop the agents from the outside or other levels. It was a complete break-in. 

“Fuck all that Bucky, I love you but I can’t love you if you’re dead- Fuck!” You screamed in pure anger as you began hand to hand combat with an agent, he wasn’t good at all so it was a quick take down. “James!” you looked over to just see him standing there, his eyes were watery from the pain and smoke, “you need to fucking leave! Run!” you shouted, waving him off. 

 Bucky took off but as he ran away, right before you lost sight of him, an arm wrapped tightly around your neck. You couldn’t see a face but you heard a voice, “he’ll turn himself in if he knows we have you, now this will hurt.” the butt of a gun slammed your temple, all you saw was black. 

Time: unknown 

Date: unknown

Your head hurt so bad, right as you were waking up it was a pulsing ache everywhere from between your eyes to your neck. It felt like waves, for a moment the pressure would drop but then slowly crawl back in, nothing was rigid. In the room you found yourself in there wasn’t much to register, just a cell that was a little longer than arm's length and some black box on the ceiling, it wasn’t a light but it seemed to hold something. There was no bed as well, you were sat up against the wall in a corner. As you moved to look around your neck all the way down to your knees ached; not to mention the pressure building in your head. It felt like you had been struck in the back of the head even though you thought it was in your temple when you were knocked out, your hand cupped high on your neck, right where your hair started. There was a sting and you pulled away with a hiss, a few pieces of scab came with it. 

There were no windows, no source of light to see what time it was. But the fact that whatever cut was made to the back of your head was a fully scabbed and not bleeding gave away you had been asleep for a bit, that almost made it worse. 

“Welcome, Soldat,” a voice with an accent came through, it was one you couldn’t figure out. “It seems our other weapon got away, we were gifted you instead; we are happy about it no less.'' the voice was coming from a speaker in the top left corner, not the black box directly above you. 

“Where am I?” your voice sounded like sandpaper. 

“In your cell,” you could hear the smirk, “but you’re not in Avenger’s territory anymore, would you like to know where you are?” he didn’t wait for you to answer, “I’ll give it to you if you follow this simple task, would you mind getting on your knees?” the voice asked, you stayed still, “right, I forgot. Soldat, get on your knees.” right away your knees smashed into the concrete floor. “Would you look at that, how pretty?” 

“What that fuck?” you gasped out, your hands folded neatly on your lap as you sat back on your calves. 

“Now that we know your abilities, you’re in Iceland, Hydra gifted us you.” 

“You’re not Hydra?” you asked, this time louder and looking at the speaker. 

“Oh, we are Hydra.” the voice laughed, “just not how you think we are...” 

Time: 9:59pm

Date: September 27th, 2024

Bucky didn’t know how long he’d been curled in his bed with the curtains drawn, there was no perception of time at all. All he did was cry, all day. His body ached and crumbled into itself more and more as time went on. Everyone was mourning the loss of a friend, but to Bucky it was a lover. He held the picture you framed after your first date as a couple, that was one of the first times Bucky had truly smiled. 

You both went to a really nice restaurant and when you were finished you waiter offered to take a picture because they saw you getting self conscious when your arm was up to take a selfie. The both of you leaned over the table and close to one another, right before the picture was taken Bucky reached over and placed his metal hand over yours, allowing it to be seen in the picture. It was something he regretted but after you framed it and kept it on your side of the bed, Bucky looked at it everyday with a smile. 

The picture was still in the frame but it wasn’t on the bedside anymore, rather pushed up against Bucky’s chest. He’d pull it away to look at you from time to time, after picturing all the good times with you, your face seemed to change and warp until it wasn’t you. Bucky would run his finger down the glass and try to imagine the feeling of your skin again, he’d lost almost everyone in his life, all he wanted was to feel you one last time if it really was your time to go. Your smile was so bright it lit up the pitch black room he was crying in, your smile and your personality could keep an entire country running for years. 

He ran out of salty tears and all that was left was wheezing and rocking back and forth in his bed, the emotions were working him out, sweat lines the neck rim of his t-shirt, but he’d also use the neck line to wipe the tears that slipped past his nose and lips. They would roll down and hit his pillow, he had already flipped it to get a dry surface. 

Steve walked in, he didn’t need to knock because he knew what’s coming. Steve had watched you and Bucky grow from barely speaking to napping on the couch for everyone to see, it took a while but Steve knew from the beginning that you were perfect for him. Steve brought Bucky a sandwich everyday at noon because he refused to eat dinner and breakfast. Some days he wouldn’t eat at all but noon seemed to be the best time for him to eat everything. 

“Wanda made it today actually, she added some chips on the side and made it real nice, Buck,” Steve went to the windows and opened the blinds, he did that everyday but  when he would come back 24 hours later they’d be closed. “I also have news, about y/n…” 

Steve saw for the first time in four days Bucky sit up, he saw the grief fade and a small shred of hope appear.

A/n: if you want to be tagged in this series let me know through an ask or anything!

[nhlandotherimagines]

Same Mistakes- Nolan Patrick

Masterlist

@natbarzal @anastasiyaigorevnadobrodevskaya @jonnytoews19 

Authors note: This took WAY too long my apologies, I’ve been focusing on the Family isn’t Always Blood series and this took a back seat! However it’s finally here! Part 11 of the Up All Night series!!

Word Count: ~1.2k

Warnings: ANGST!!!! Toxic relationship, swearing/strong language, Nolan Patrick (obviously but just in case you aren’t cool with that), and just straight sadness tbh. Let me know if I should add anything ❤️

Circles, we're going in circles, dizzy's all it makes us. We know where it takes us, we've been before.

“Are you kidding me right now?” You’ve been sitting on the couch for the last 3 hours waiting for Nolan to get home. You expected him home about an hour and a half after the end of the game, so when he didn’t show up, and wasn’t answering his phone you became worried. Then your worry turned into anger. Nolan was beginning to make a habit of never being around, and you’ve had enough.

“What now?” Nolan grumbles, throwing his bag to the floor, tugging at his tie.

“Oh okay. Seriously Nolan? Do you not understand that I’ve been waiting for you to come home for 3 hours? You could’ve been dead, and would I know? Nope, because you wouldn’t even answer your phone.” You’re yelling now, and Nolan is rolling his eyes at your dramatics.

“Yes, because you were so excited for me to get home so you could bitch about something else right?” He shoots back. He has made his way closer to you, his stare challenging you.

“Fuck you Nolan. Have a nice night on the couch.” You throw back at him, stomping away and slamming your bedroom door for added dramatics.

This fight was becoming common theme between you and Nolan. At least once a month, Nolan would need a break from the constant bickering, would shut off his phone and go out with the boys. You’d get upset, and storm off, but he’d always follow you. Wrap you up in his arms, and kiss you until you forgot.

Not tonight though. Tonight he stayed on the couch.

Closer, maybe looking closer there's more to discover. Find out what went wrong without blaming each other

“We really should talk this out Nols. I miss you.” He’s sitting across from you eating his breakfast while you drink your coffee. Neither of you have spoken a word to each other since your fight the night before.

“I just don’t really know what to say. I needed a break.” He mumbles back, not even lifting his eyes from his plate.

“Okay, well couldn’t you have just said that you were going out, and needed some space for the night?” You try to keep your voice light, but the annoyance you’re holding in causes your voice to shake slightly. Nolan laughs humorlessly, and rolls his eyes.

“Right, because a text saying ‘I’m going out with the boys, leave me alone’ would have gone over so well!” His voice is heavily laced in sarcasm, and it has you clenching your jaw.

“Well you don’t have to be a dick about it.” You hiss through gritted teeth. Your mind is reeling, and the tension between you both seems to grow exponentially by the second.

Think that we got more time, when we're falling behind, gotta make up our minds

“He’s being an asshole Meg.” You groan, laying back on your friend's bed. You’ve just finished explaining the whole situation to her as if she were your therapist.

She sends you a pointed look. “And you’re being a total bitch y/n.”

“What did I do!?” You throw back, offended she’s attempting to throw the blame back on you.

“You come over here once a month and all you do is complain about him. If he’s truly as horrible as you make him out to be, and you’re as innocent as you believe you are, why are you still with him?” Her question leaves you speechless. The two of you sitting in silence. You aren’t sure if it was a rhetorical question or not, but you don’t have an answer even if you were meant to give one. “Maybe it’s time to walk away?” Her voice is gentler now. Though the suggestion still hurts.

“I- I love him Meg.” Tears spring to your eyes, as you feel your heart crumbling under the weight of the situation.

“Do you love him, or the idea of him?” Her arm wraps around your shoulder, pulling you into her chest.

Once again, you don’t have an answer. Instead you cry into her chest, her hand rubbing soothing circles across your back.

Maybe she had a point. Do you love him? Was this even worth it anymore? You’re both being childish, placing blame and waiting for the other to change. Running in circles with no end in sight. What are you even holding on for?

Or else we'll play all the same old games, and we wait for the end to change, and we take it for granted that we'll be the same. But we're making all the same mistakes

“We need to talk.” Nolan is sitting on the kitchen island as you walk through the door. He looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks, as he runs a hand through his hair. His eyes don’t leave your body as you lean against the counter across from him, keeping as much distance between you both as possible.

There is an awkward silence for a moment, both of you unsure of who should break it. You have both had enough of the deafening silence, speaking overtop of one another to finally fill the air.

“I’m sorry-“

“I think we should break up.” The sentence is out of your mouth before you can even register what Nolan said.

His face falls, and you’re sure yours looks just as sad. “You’re giving up?” His voice isn’t as angry as you had anticipated, and honestly you might have preferred angry Nolan.

“We both gave up long ago Nolan, and you know it. We can’t keep on pretending to be happy and in love forever.” Your hands shake as you grasp the edge of the counter to steady yourself.

“I’m not pretending!” He’s frustrated now. “I love you.” His voice is raised, but it’s not threatening. Instead his voice is desperate, whiny almost.

“You love the thought of me Nolan. What we could have been, not what we are.” You correct him and he scoffs pushing himself off the island and moving to create more distance between you both.

“So that’s it then?” His eyes are watering, and you quickly drop your gaze from his.

You nod in response, and Nolan lets out a shaky sigh. “I’ll leave, you can keep the apartment.” With that, you walk down the hall to your shared room, tears finally falling across your cheeks.

“FUCK!” Nolan yells, slamming his fist into something. The wall maybe? The counter? You don’t dare turn to find out. Instead just begin packing your things.

Maybe this is the best option, but when you see Nolan sitting at the kitchen table, face in his hands body shaking slightly; it doesn’t feel like it. Walking away felt wrong, your whole body screaming at you to stop. Your heart pleading with your mind to just turn around and give in, but to no avail. Your feet lead you out the front door without another word, or even so much as a glance at Nolan.

Things change. People change. You both continued making the same mistakes over and over, and you changed. Ironic isn’t it? How two people can do the same wrong things over and over until they become two very different individuals. It’s unfair really, but the cycle has to stop somewhere right? That somewhere just happens to be right here, right now, and with you.

[fandomcelery]

Day 11 of Prompt List: Shadow

Fandom: 9-1-1

Pairing: Evan Buckley/Eddie DIaz

Note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMMMM!!!! WOOO HERE'S YOUR PROMPT! anyway, so it's just about how Chris has a nightmare and Buck helps him, and Eddie has a little bit of pining at the end lmao

Tagging: @useless-fanfictions

Buck wakes up startled, not really sure what awoke him until he hears it again. Christopher’s crying. He jumps up from the couch where he was sleeping—there’s no way he could’ve slept in Eddie’s room—and rushes into Christopher’s room. he’s curled up near the top of his bed, the covers are thrown above him, and he’s crying into his pillow.

“Hey, buddy,” Buck murmurs as he walks closer, turning his bedside lamp on, “What’s wrong?”

“I-I saw something,” Christopher sobs. Buck reaches for the blankets, but they pull against his hand because Christopher tightened his hold.

“What did it look like?” Buck asks, unsure of how to approach the situation. He looks around the room and doesn’t see anything, he assumes it was just a nightmare Chris was having, so he went at it the way he thought best.

“It was b-big and scary, but it just looked like a shadow,” the blankets shift a bit.

“Mm. Well, there’s no one else here Chris, unless you count me.”

“You’re not scary Buck,” Christopher giggles a little bit, peeking out from under the blankets and quickly looking around.

Buck puts a hand to his chest and makes a shocked face, “really?” he gasps.

Christopher giggles again, and Buck wipes his tear-stained cheeks.

“But really, there isn’t anything in your room,” Buck says.

“Are you sure?” Christopher asks, looking around once more, even though he doesn’t have his glasses so he can’t see that much of the room around him.

“I’m sure,” Buck smiles at him, and slowly Chris smiles back.

“Okay,” Christopher sighs. Buck stands up and walks over to the door.

“Goodnight, Chris.”

“Wait, you’re leaving?” Chris asks.

“We both need to go to sleep,” Buck says softly. He wants to go, but he really can’t when Chris gives him the most innocent, puppy dog face, so he walks back over and sits down.

“Will you read me a story?” He asks, pointing to his bookshelf. It’s the book that Buck had been reading him for the last few times he’s spent the night, so he gets up and grabs it before sitting back down.

“Okay, but only one chapter,” Buck adds, and Christopher nods.

~~~

Eddie steps out of his truck, grabbing his bag in the passenger seat in the process. He passes Buck’s jeep in the driveway and unlocks the door quietly as to not wake anyone up. The clock he passes reads 4:28 am, he had an entire 24-hour shift and so Buck was babysitting Chris for him. He’s been picking up some extra shifts here and there because he wants to get some more cash to take Christopher—and Buck—He looks over at the couch expecting to see a sprawled out already asleep Buck, but it’s empty. The bed is made, just empty. He sets his bag down in the hallway and decides to go check on Chris, so he opens the door slowly and almost gushes at the sight. Christopher’s still under the covers, but Buck is wrapped around him, a book discarded at the end of the bed.

Eddie walks closer, gives Christopher a forehead kiss, and gently rests his hand on Buck’s cheek. If only, he thinks, this is what I came to every day when I got home.

He plans to go take a shower and climb into his own bed, but he’s already here, and there’s enough room for him to slide right behind Buck and spoon him, so he does. He snuggles up against Buck, breathing in his scent and sighing in content. He swears that for a second, he feels Buck stiffen, but it’s gone so fast that Eddie thinks he probably was just imagining it. He’s exhausted and doesn’t want to go all the way to the room, or at least that’s the excuse he’ll use in the morning.

~~~

AAAA This was so fun honestly omg it's so soft and pining!Eddie my beloved. thanks for reading and if you saw any spelling or grammar mistakes, um, no you didn't <3

ps: I'm going to start a series thing on ao3 called "my best spook work" and it's going to be in my opinion my best little drabbles I've made lol, okay thank you

[silverhart-makes-art]

I'm in the mood to draw some wolfs, so here's some WolfQuest fanart. I've been playing WolfQuest since it first came out, but oddly enough I've never drawn any fanart for it. So I finally decided to draw my main wolf, Barlow (something I should’ve done ages ago) alongside his pup, Rowan.

Let me tell you the story of little Rowan. I had planned to only play the game for an hour or so last night, just to check out the cool new Slough Creek update. Well. I ended up staying awake for far more hours then I should have trying to save this virtual puppy. Rowan was the smallest of his litter, never wandered off, or got into trouble or stood out among his siblings. But then he got sick. He got really sick. And I had no idea what to do - this is a totally new mechanic in the game. He wouldn't play, or socialize, or run around. He just lay there. I watched as his health meter dropped, and kept on dropping. I sat next to him for several in-game days, only leaving to chase off strangers, and for one hunting trip. He dropped to 30% health when we had to move dens, and then a spring snow storm hit. I was sure he wouldn't make it, which was a shame because over the course of the game I had gotten super attached to him, along with all of Barlow's pups. Far more then I have ever in WolfQuest 2.7. It was already really late, but I had spent almost an hour trying to help this pup, this little blob of pixels I had somehow decided was worth saving. I had pretty much given up hope by the time he dropped to 10% health. Barlow was just laying next to him, waiting for the inevitable. But then, I noticed his health go up... 11%, then 13%, and the sickness indicator was gone. His health bar was going up! I was so tired and relived I could've cried. And Rowan survived! I stayed up another hour just to see it through to the end and complete Slough Creek, and Rowan and all his siblings made it. And it was not easy, but it was really fun, especially after Rowan recovered and was back to his sweet playful self. And call me crazy, but I swear, ever since he recovered he was glued to my side whenever I was at the den. The other pups would go explore, but Rowan always stayed by me; he always slept next to me, he always interacted with me first, he stuck even closer to me then before, even ignoring food to come sit next to me. I mean logically I know that he’s not real and has no idea the amount of time I invested in saving him, but... it still gave me the warm fuzzies. With the new Family Tree feature I'm definitely planning on playing through again as Rowan now.

I took a screenshot of Rowan and Barlow after Rowan finally recovered and sat up, and I used that as inspiration for this little drawing. I don't know, just living through 2020 and watching this tiny digital puppy struggle and ultimately pull through and make it to the end. It's silly, but it meant something to me after this long year.

[infinite-inferno]

Even a Hero Needs Some Help Every Once in a While

Fandom: Jacksepticeye

Genre: Angst/ I guess hurt/comfort

Characters: Jackieboy Man, Henrik von Schneeplestein, Chase Brody, Anti (mentioned), Marvin the Magnificent (mentioned), Stacy (mentioned), Jack (mentioned)

Content warning: neglect of physical and mental health, depression, vague mentions of medical stuff, suicide mention, I guess you could read it as a mention of abuse, alcoholism, it gets positive and happy at the end though I swear

Jackieboy Man had a duty to fulfill and couldn’t afford to take a day off, not for his physical health, nor for his mental health, despite how frequently he needed one for either reason. But, he had to be on patrol every day, no matter what anyone said, because if he wasn’t then criminals would be able to get away with whatever they wanted, and he couldn’t live with himself if something happened because he wasn’t there. 

Today was another day where he really could’ve used a mental health day, but there was no way in hell he was doing that. So, he neglected his mental health and in doing so, his physical health also suffered; days like these he either ate way too much or didn’t eat at all, slept for either 12 hours or 2 hours (typically the latter, as he had to be with his brothers during the day or else they would get concerned, and that definitely couldn’t happen), he bottled up his emotions until his was absolutely alone (which rarely happened) and if by some miracle there was nobody else in the house or around anywhere he cried until he ran out of tears or was no longer alone, whichever came first (or he just felt so numb he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything, let alone cry and release his emotions). And today in particular he looked like absolute shit, as he had been having a bad day for going on 2 weeks now, and everything just kept building up and he was starting to wonder what his breaking point was and when he would reach it. 

His great solution for all his issues? Intense training all day, not stopping for any breaks, chastising himself over every tiny mistake that wasn’t even noticeable, and just working himself beyond his limits, but the pain, cuts and bruises were too much for him to continue on, so Jackie had to stop and do some quick first aid before he could go back to training. Schneeplestein found him rummaging through his medical supplies, attempting to take care of the injuries he gave himself. 

“Jackie… vhat are you doing?”

He whipped around, face pale and Henrik wasn’t sure if it was due to his medical condition or due to the shock of being found out. “... nothing…?”

“Bullshit, zat does not look like nozing. Spill, or else I am calling Anti.”

Jackie sighed and sat down on the table they used for any time Henrik had to treat injuries (which were typically Jackie’s). “I’ve just… had a couple bad days I guess. I’ve been training all morning to try and get myself out of this funk I’m in and get back to normal,” he then mumbled so quietly that Henrik strained his ears to hear it, “whatever that even means.” He returned to his normal volume to say “you don’t need to worry about me Henrik, I just hurt myself a bit while training but it’s nothing serious.”

The doctor bit his lip, not buying a word of it. “Vould you consider zis uh funk, as you called it, similar to Chase’s bad days?” Henrik eyed him warily, observing his reactions. His medical training tipped him off that Jackie was hiding something, as well as his own two eyes. 

Jackie’s reaction was immediate. “What?! No! Chase’s bad days are due to his depression, and I’m not depressed.” 

“Zen vhy are you being so defensive right now?”

“Because… because…” Jackie’s eyes filled with panic as he couldn’t come up with a reason. But he couldn’t be depressed, right? Nothing like what happened to Chase happened to him, he didn’t have any reason to be depressed so that couldn’t be it. Something just threw him off his groove, that’s all. 

“Because,” Henrik supplied, “you don’t vant to admit to yourself zat you have any veaknesses. Ja?”

Jackie, aware he was being read like a book, decided to just give up, putting his head in his hands and blinking back tears. He composed himself before huffing. “Fine. Maybe. But I’ll just get over it, and be right as rain soon enough. Please, don’t worry about me.” 

Henrik took a breath, keeping his skepticism to himself. “Ok. Vhat injuries do you have? Do you need mein help in treating anyzing?”

Jackie went quiet, nodding slightly, taking off his hoodie to reveal a once form fitting shirt that now hung loosely on his too-skinny frame. He lifted part of the shirt up to reveal a plethora of large lacerations that had been sloppily bandaged by Jackie, and Henrik was trying not to dwell on how thin he was and how he could see too many of his bones. “Yeah this happened last night, but I didn’t want to wake you or anything… I don’t think I cracked my ribs because that would hurt a lot more but there’s definitely a lot of cuts there… I did my best but I might need stitches doc…” Jackie looked down, embarrassed. The doctor didn’t say anything, and just got right to work. 

“Bite down on zis, I know you’ve done it before, but zis vill hurt.” He gave him a belt that was hanging up specifically for times like these. Jackie did as he was told, and sat through all the stitches he was given. It hurt like hell, but that’s what he got for not being careful enough. 

When Henrik finished, he took a deep breath, watching Jackie put his shirt and hoodie back on, deciding to go for it now. “Hey, Jackie…” he started softly “vhen did you last eat something?” 

The hero had to think about it for a decent amount of time, which was already a bad sign. “Well, I’ve been having some gum but not swallowing it, if that counts-”

“Nein.”

“Why does it even matter?”

“Goddammit answer ze damned question!”

“Okay, okay, jeez. Uh, I’m not sure…”

“Vas it today?”

“No.”

“Yesterday?”

“No…”

“Vithin ze last veek?”

“What day is it?”

“Ze 10th.”

“Then I don’t think so…” At that, Henrik abruptly grabbed the weary hero’s arm and dragged him into the kitchen, passing a confused Marvin on their way in. 

“Sit.” Henrik ordered in a tone that did not leave any room for debate once they got there and to the table. Jackie did as he was told as Henrik began making food for him - a piece of toast and some soup, the same thing that people who were sick typically had. At the realization, Jackie mumbled something about him not being sick, and if Henrik heard he chose to ignore it. “Vhen did you drink vater last?”

Jackie gave the type of laugh where he aggressively exhaled through his nose, not a full laugh but something, before responding with “fuck if I know. But I’ve had a shit ton of coffee and gatorade though?”

“Neither are vater, und you cannot substitute gatorade for vater, no matter vhat you zink.” He poured a large glass of water and placed it in front of Jackie, demanding that he drink it. Again, his tone was no nonsense and Jackie knew if he even tried to argue he wouldn’t win, so he reluctantly complied. As soon as he finished the glass Henrik immediately went to refill it, so he would keep drinking more and more water. When the food was ready, it was placed in front of him, and the smell was both enticing and nauseating. But he couldn’t dismiss it, as Henrik was staring at him, making sure he ate it. He started with the soup, starting by just taking the broth. “You know you need to eat more zan just ze broth ja?” 

Jackie rolled his eyes and took a bite from the soup. “Happy?”

“I vill be once you finish ze food.” 

He sighed as he slowly continued eating, the time between his bites getting longer as he went on, and he hated that he was wasting all this time. I have better things to do than to sit here and eat he thought. Or well, he thought it stayed in his head. 

“Nein. You need to eat mein friend.” 

“But Hen, I need to keep training!”

“You vill not leave zis house until you can prove to me you can take care of yourself. Und for ze next couple of days you vill not be training either. Vhen vas ze last time you slept a full 6-8 hours?”

“Ummm… I dunno, it’s probably been at least a month if not longer. Usually if I can get to sleep it’s only for a couple of hours… oh wait no I had a nice long like 11 or so hour rest like a week and a half or so ago. But before that it must’ve been…” he couldn’t finish, because he had absolutely no idea. 

Henrik looked at the amount of food in front of him, and decided that he ate enough (he would’ve preferred if he ate the whole thing but he could tell the bites were on the verge of being forced, and that would not be helpful. “Screw ze rest of ze food, you are going to sleep now. If you are hungry vhen you vake up, you can have somezing more. But for now, you sleep, ja?” 

Jackie nodded, glad that he didn’t have to try and eat anything more. Granted, this meant he needed to sleep, and he wasn’t sure how easy that was going to be, but it still wasn’t eating. He stored away the soup and just tossed the few bites of toast he had left before putting the dishes in the sink to be washed later by one of them. He then made his way to his room, flopping on the bed and resisting the urge to take out his phone and spend hours just scrolling, because then he would never get to sleep. Instead, his mind kept him busy, berating him for letting Schneep see him like that. The next thing he knew, he checked his phone and a bit over an hour had gone by already. He sighed, deciding that since Henrik was the one who wanted him to sleep, he could help him to actually fall asleep. 

“Hey Hen?”

“Vhat are you doing out of bed?”

“I’m having… I’m having trouble falling asleep. Do you have any like… melatonin or something? Any kind of medication I can take because this is not working out.”

Henrik’s face softened, and he went to where he kept the medicine and unlocked it (Chase is the primary reason it was always locked) and sifted through a number of bottles before landing on the right one - the Trazedone bottle (he could’ve given him something else, but it also acted as an antidepressant, and he had a feeling Jackie could use one). “Before you take zis, und be honest, have you had any suicidal zoughts or actions? I von’t tell ze ozers if you’d like, but as a doctor I need to know.” 

“No, I mean I don’t take care of myself as well as I should, obviously, and I might get myself into dangerous situations when on patrol, but like I haven’t really thought about like, dying - not a lot at least. I mean if I did, it was once or twice or something, and I snapped right out of it because that’s not me. That’s not my normal.” 

Henrik nodded and opened the bottle, handing him 2 pills. “You may vant to eat a small somezing vith zis, und I am not just saying zat so you vill eat. You can have a candy bar for all I care, but it vould help to reduce any negative effects it could have.” Jackie nodded, and got out a small Hershey chocolate bar, eating that and then taking the pills. He thanked Henrik and went to his room, where he finally began to have a decent sleep. 

Jackie woke up and freaked out when he saw that it was 1am because he should be on patrol right now what is he doing sleeping?! He sighed and rolled onto his back when he remembered Schneep put him on bed rest for a while, and rolled his eyes. He stood up and went to get his suit, figuring that it wouldn’t hurt to go out for a little while, but he found that where his suit should be, there was a note instead in a familiar messy scrawl. 

‘I told you, you’re on bedrest. That means no patrolling for you. You may think that me taking your suit is a bit extreme, but you are just so predictable, and I want to make sure you stay safe, because I care about you. Now, I know you will not go back to sleep most likely, and it is wishful thinking that you would go and eat something or drink any water, but please try one of the three things. It won’t kill you, I swear, and I should know - I’m a doctor.

- Henrik’

Jackie smiled at the sentiment, but crumpled up the paper and threw it at the wall. “He fucking took my suit? Does he not trust me at all?” He rolled his eyes. “Ok, to be fair you were literally about to do that exact thing, so he has a right to not trust me.” He sighed and flopped back onto the bed. He supposed he could try and fall asleep again, but he found it very unlikely. Eventually however, he fell back asleep for a couple hours. 

----------------------------------

He woke up again with light shining through the window, and checking his phone it was a reasonable hour to be awake. Jackie stood up and walked out of his room. He first saw Chase when he walked out, and impulsively said “Chase? Hey uh, can I talk to you about something?” Chase looked confused for a moment but nodded. 

“Do you want to go into one of our rooms or stay out here? I dunno how serious this talk is but based on your face it seems kinda serious…” 

Jackie nodded. “Can we go to your room?” 

“Sure.” They walked to Chase’s room, and when they got there, Chase closed the door and sat on the bed, patting the spot next to him for Jackie to sit down, which he did. “So, what’s on your mind?”

“How do you deal with your um… your…” Jackie bit his lip, not wanting to say the word. 

Chase raised an eyebrow, “my depression?” 

“Y-yeah…” 

Chase had a good idea to not ask why Jackie wanted to know this, but given his fidgety behavior and how he is way less confident than he usually is, he had a good idea of why he was asking. “I gotta say dude, it’s the one of the toughest battles I fight, the only worse thing being the battle against my addiction. But doc gave me some medicine to try and lessen it, and I like to journal my feelings. I know there’s a bunch of phone apps for it, I stick to traditional pen and paper. And it’s basically a diary, but don’t tell anyone I called it that, but I just write about the emotions I felt and if anything happened that could possibly be related to it. You wanna see it?” 

Jackie just shrugged. “I mean, if it’s too personal, I don’t wanna intrude on your super personal details or anything…” 

“Nah, I got nothin’ to hide really. Here, lemme get it.” He reached onto the table by his bed, pulling out a spiral notebook. He flipped to more recent pages and showed one to him. “See, I start by writing the date and any adjectives that come to mind that describe my mood. There’s some days where I have a lot of them and a lot are contradictory to each other, and there’s some days where I only have a couple. This one, oh yeah this is from when I got to see my kids!” He smiled fondly at the day, reading back over it. “Yeah, that carried me for most of the day I remember, that’s why it’s the only thing really in here for the day. Now, the next day was- yup that wasn’t a good day. Stacy called me just to yell at me for how I spoiled the kids,” he read it, sighing, “then ya know, called me a bad father and what not, usual Stacy shit, and I got so close to breaking my sobriety but… actually it was you that stopped me… not by doing anything about alcohol but you just said hi to me when I was on my way to try and find some and after that I… I couldn’t’ve done it so I pretended I just wanted a snack heh… memories huh,” he laughed weakly. 

“You asked how I deal? Well on the days when the meds aren’t enough I usually try my best, if I can, to talk to one of you guys. You all help to distract me from the shitty things that go through my mind. Because you know as well as I do that there’s always something going on in this house that even existing in the living room is enough to have a decent distraction for the most part. On the days though where I can’t even get out of bed… I still try and distract myself by doing random shit on my phone, sometimes I just try and vent out all my issues and thoughts by writing them down in my notes app because my phone is so much closer and easier to write on than an actual piece of paper. Plus I can also delete it when I’m done so all the negative thoughts can just disappear into the cloud. But there isn’t one set recipe for self care or anything like that. I know some people like to do relaxing shit like meditation or whatever but I just can’t do that, my mind needs to stay active or else I’ll get lost in my own thoughts. It took me a while to figure out what works, and hell I’m still figuring it out. There’s no rush though, and it’s okay if you can’t figure everything out right away.” Chase smiled and closed the notebook, placing it right back on the table. “Is there anything else you wanted to know?”

Jackie shook his head. “No, I think you covered it all. Thanks.”

“Any time. And if you ever want to talk about anything, I’ll gladly lend an ear. I know how hard it is to open up, but once you do it feels amazing. And if you don’t want to talk to any of us, when I went to therapy right after my attempt it really helped cuz I didn’t want to talk about any of that with you guys because I was just so embarrassed. I don’t think I’d be where I am today if Jack didn’t drag me to therapy.” 

Jackie hugged him, then left the room, heading back to his own. He would have something to eat later, he had some things to figure out about himself first.

[canaryatlaw]

okay. it’s late, obviously. and I need to go to bed. I just took my pills like 10 minutes ago though so it might be a minute before I actually get tired. but yeah, today. I think I woke up around 11, and then for like two hours waited for my sister to wake up and trying to not get annoyed because I know I’ve slept that late plenty of times, like even on this trip, but I was just kinda tense. it didn’t help that on twitter I was repeatedly seeing people doing tribute tweets to their friends or making lists of all their friends who did whatever in 2019 and I wasn’t on a single fucking one, even when people that I know they saw less than me made it and I just like.....I got really upset about it because I felt like shit and like I didn’t even have any friends, which of course I know is not true, but it felt really shitty to see people I’ve expended energy trying to befriend just straight up ignore my existence and I just felt really awful about myself. this year has unfortunately gone from meeting a lot of new friends to constantly fearing that none of them actually like me or want me to be their friend, thanks to a couple of things that have happened. and I just feel like this massively messed up person who must’ve fucked up so badly to have all these people turning against me but like, I didn’t even fucking do anything, and if people had actually been honest about stuff this could’ve all been avoided but they weren’t and now I’m the one who’s hurting because of that and it really fucking sucks when you really feel like nobody cares about you. sigh. I feel fraudulent sometimes posting about how happy I am with my life (which I am! really!) while knowing my emotional stability is not where it should be definitely could be causing an issue. and like, looking back to the beginning of this decade all I can think is 10 fucking years and so much happened and yet emotionally I’m back in the same fucking place? how did that happen? I still obviously care way too much about what people think of me when I know I shouldn’t, and placing way too much of my happiness and value into friends who clearly don’t reciprocate any of those feelings and clearly don’t care about my emotions or how any of this actually affects me. and I fucking hate that because I truly have grown so much as a person but I feel like that same fucked up kid who cared way too much about what her friends thought of her and definitely put a lot more energy and care into her friendships than she got back. and I feel so emotionally unstable and I don’t know how to deal with this because like! I’m not depressed! my overall mental health has been fine and there aren’t really any issues there, this just feels like an entirely separate area and I don’t know what to do with it. It really sucks that just when my professional life was finally getting its shit together my personal life had to fall to pieces. and I know on some level that like all this shit really means that I should be in therapy actually working through all of this, and this is so fucking hypocritical, I know, but like....I just don’t have the emotional energy to deal with going through all of that right now. It’s going to be so much work and I really just don’t want to deal with it. and that’s messed up because I’ve told so many fucking people that they should be in therapy and that it will really help them, and now I’m clearly not abiding by that, so that makes me feel shitty too. sigh. I got on way too much of a tangent here and now I’m ranting. I really need to get back on focus and actually talk about my day before I go to sleep because it’s fucking 3:30 am. anyway. eventually my sister woke up and then she had to go get her flu shot for something with her job but like all of the places they were going to didn’t have it so she didn’t even get it done, then her and her boyfriend returned and we went to the mall. it was alright, not great, and eventually she wanted to split up which I kinda knew was going to happen because we wouldn’t want to go to the same stores, but it still was annoying. I mainly wanted to get jeans and I went to Express and tried some on, but all of their jeans were still so fucking expensive (the ones on clearance were like $50, reduced from $80) and there was a super fucking long line and I just didn’t have the patience to stand through that long ass line to pay too much for a pair of jeans, so I left and concluded I’d get jeans at some other point in the future. I went to Dynamite after that because they always have stuff I like and it’s been a while since I’ve gotten anything from them, and I ended up getting a pair of work pants from them that were on sale and very nice, so I’m happy about that. after that I met back up with my sister and we headed out. back to the house, I had dinner with my parents and then watched some GBBO with them until my brother’s friends arrived. He had asked me if I wanted to go out with him and his friends tonight and I knew if I didn’t go I was just going to end up alone with my parents and feeling sorry for myself so I said what the hell and said I would. my brother is at this new assignment at work though where he’s working a 3 pm to 11 pm shift, so he still wasn’t getting off for some time yet, so my parents ended up driving me and his two friends to the bar where we chilled for a bit and talked until he arrived some time after 11. he was bringing with him this girl who he has apparently started dating (yeah, I found out on Sunday that both of my brothers are apparently dating girls, which is just fucking great for my self-esteem knowing that I’m officially the only sibling without a significant other) which I suspect is the real reason he asked if I wanted to come so she wouldn’t be the only girl there. and she was nice, honestly at this point any girlfriend is probably going to be a positive influence on his life, so unless she was really terrible I’m not going to object. I mean, honestly, his ex-girlfriend was like, the best thing that ever happened to him, but he fucked that one up and hopefully this time he’ll be a lot smarter and more mentally stable about it. I really hope he is honestly. I also really miss his ex-girlfriend since we’d gotten quite close in the time they were dating, and of course she ultimately ended up coming to me for help when things went south, so there was a lot of emotional investment there. sigh. anyway. I was having a pretty good time chatting with his friends before he got there, they were both guys he went to highschool with so I had at least in theory known them for like 12-15 years now, but never had more than like, a passing conversation with them really. one of them I’d talked to a bit over the years, I always thought he was cute but never had like a full blown crush on him or anything, but it was kinda nice getting to talk more to both of them tonight. and of course there was alcohol, and I considered maybe trying some since it’s been like 4 years since I’ve tried consuming any but then I got a whiff of the tequila shots they were doing and I swear the smell alone started giving me like minor chest pains, so that was a no. I was kinda dumb though at midnight because they were passing out little cups of champagne as the ball was dropping and I had a single sip of champagne, which again was dumb being that I just concluded I shouldn’t be drinking any alcohol, but I mean it was midnight and everyone in the bar was doing it....sigh. It kinda burned in the back of my throat for a while which was unpleasant but never moved on to the full on chest pain that’s fucking unbearable, so I’ll count that as a semi-success, definitely not a full success because it really did not leave me wanting to consume any more alcohol, but at least I wasn’t in pain over it. we ended up playing darts for a few rounds, which I’m not particularly good at but it doesn’t really matter. a little after 2 we started trying to return to my house where everyone was spending the night, but that turned into a whole debacle because this is the fucking suburbs and it’s 2 am on new years, so getting an uber was a bit difficult. my one brother’s friend had apparently worked as a lyft driver in the past so he was a bit biased towards that app and then the first driver somehow got messed up and picked up another person but it still charged his phone and he was like, so affronted by this and just not letting it go at all and it was honestly pretty funny, it was obvious the alcohol in his system was contributing to it on some level but it was still amusing. since there were 5 of us they were originally trying to get an XL which proved even more difficult, and we ended up taking two separate normal sized ubers to get home, which still took fucking forever and we didn’t end up getting home till like, almost 3 am, which was annoying. but oh well. once we got home I showered and then had to do all my pills for the week because of course I had to run out tonight, then opened my laptop and started typing this, and now I’m here like 40 minutes later because it’s just a few minutes before 4 am now because I clearly was in the mood to write a fucking novel for some reason. sigh. last 2019 post, even though it’s now 2020 the day was in 2019 so it gets the last December 2019 hashtag. alright, I really need to go to sleep now, so that’s what I’m going to do. Goodnight dears. Hope you had a very happy new year.

[thephantomofthe-internet]

Homeward Bound: Chapter 9

Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader, Billy Hargrove x Henderson!Reader

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13

Chapter Summary: Home coming meant finding old friends and remembering old pain...

Word Count: 5,332

Warnings: Swear, Pregnancy mention

Author’s Note: Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! Fuck Christopher Columbus! He didn’t discover Canada but, you know, fuck ‘em.

Series Tag: @moonstruckhargrove @kurt-nightcrawler @baebee35 @supernatural-pants @thoughstofaredhead @bby-becca @fear-the-reaper115

Permanent Tag: @hotstuffhargrove @denimjacketkisses @hargrovesgoldilocks@casaharrington @lilmissperfectlyimperfect @hipsmcgee

She was still in her pyjamas, hair wrapped tightly first in rollers and them in a red silk scarf, pink bunny slippers on her feet. She looked royally pissed, but not intimidating in the slightest.

“Morning, mom.” You said, slipping in the door before she could give the whole neighbourhood a show.

“Where the hell have you been?” she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest, tapping her foot to an angry rhythm.

“Jenny Stein’s. I slept over.” You replied shortly, pulling off your shoes and dropping your purse by the door.

“Why didn’t you call?” she asked, not really caring about the answer. You were in the wrong and she wanted you to admit to it.

“Because I lost track of time. It’s not a big deal, I’m obviously not dead or missing.” You replied, matching her tone.

“I almost called the police.” She said, as though that information was going to affect you.

“Wouldn’t do you much good, Steve knew where I was the whole time, he would’ve just told you again and hung up.” You chuckled, turning and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I’m fine, you knew I was fine, and if you were worried, you could’ve driven over to Jenny’s or sent Richard.” You said, turning on your heel and up the stairs before the petty argument could continue. 

Your mother had, despite leaving a powerless marriage, entered into a relationship with a huge power imbalance. It was not Richard’s fault, per say; he was a lovely, you certainly liked him and was more than happy to see them get together. But he was an old fashioned man and your mother loved to please. So, they fell into an old, sort of patriarchal relationship-despite being his secretary when they met, your mother stopped working and returned once again to the isolation of the home, where, without young children to care for, she was at odds with herself. Meanwhile, Richard worked long hours and was often away. This was fine when they weren’t married, because he’d call every night or even bring her along, but now she seemed to always be at home. He wasn’t cheating on her, lord he’d never hear the end of it if he dared to look at another woman, your mother had simply worn out her welcome with his associates. This left your mother constantly at odds and bored. So, she over dramatized little things like her adult daughter coming home later than expected.

You made a bee line for the bathroom, shutting out her incessant yelling up the stairs by turning on the water and letting it run warm as you changed. The second the water hit your skin, you let out a sigh. This was the best feeling you’d had in the last twenty-four hours. You let the water soothe your muscles and dampen your hair, rinsing off the sweat off your skin.

You always knew that the best place to hide from your problems was underwater. It worked well in two fold; one, the senses were almost always overwhelmed under water, making it hard to think, and two, even stillest pool was loud enough under its surface to muffle out the world. And so, when the world got too heavy or life bogged you down, you jumping into whatever water you could find and blocked it out until your mind was at ease enough to tackle a problem head on. It wasn’t exactly the best way to handle your problems, and you knew that, but at the end of the day, when life got hard, you still found yourself drawn to pools or rivers or oceans or simply your shallow bathtub, submerging your head and letting the sounds of life become as waterlogged as you intended to be.

From beyond the rush of the shower and the door, you heard the phone ring. You hoped it wasn’t Billy, not only would he ruin your whole plan, but you really didn’t want to see him again. It was all just too weird-it was like you stepped into a parallel universe in which you were at the centre. Maybe you had, Hawkins was just weird enough for that to be true. Either way, you didn’t like it. You hoped that he’d take the hint and move on, but you knew he wasn’t very good at catching onto things like hints. What he was good at, you weren’t sure anymore.

You knew you couldn’t spend all day hiding, so when your hair was significantly soaked, you turned off the water and rung your hair out, grabbing a towel and rushing to your room.

“Y/N!” you mother called, thoroughly annoyed and bitter, “You have a visitor!”

Your blood ran cold. “Just a second!” you called.

You didn’t want to go down there. He hadn’t, he wouldn’t. He had too much pride to just show up after been shafted. He was still at home, being an absolute weirdo. He didn’t remember where you lived.

Once you were dressed, wet hair pulled off your neck, you took a deep breath and opened the door. You peered over the railing, but no one was waiting downstairs by the door, whoever it was had gone into the sitting room with your mother. That was a good sign-Billy was not on good terms with your mother and she would never invite him into her sitting room, her own space not entered without care. Whoever it was had your mother’s approval. If it was just Steve, you’d probably scream before heading back upstairs to ignore your mother’s antics.

Your mother’s sitting room was different than the living room. The living room was a place of comfort, of relaxation and ease. The sitting room was a tense place where older family members met briefly, where family photos were taken, and the ‘nice’ things were kept. Normal, everyday living did not happen in that room. The furniture was expensive and floral patterned, the walls were lined in blush pink fleur de les wallpaper, the lamps were knockoff Tiffany and the glass panned cabinet was filled with wedding china, passed down from your great-grandmother. The whole place was a time capsule and you weren’t supposed to mess with the past. You walked in, already on eggshells.

Inside, your mother sat very carefully in the crocodile green armchair, passed down from your grandfather, worn and aged and musty-smelling. She was dressed now, purposely overdone, her lips painted hot pink. She looked stiff to you, which was worrisome.

You stepped deeper into the room, your eye catching the guest of the house. Your whole face broke into a smile.

“Nance!” you cried, drawing her attention and earning an equally big smile. She rose to her feet, a surprise second pregnancy already showing, her face glowing.

“Hey, Y/N.” she replied, opening her arms for a gentle hug, which you gladly accepted.

Nancy and you had not been fast friends when you returned to Hawkins back in high school. You two weren’t close in school before you left and then you returned, forced your way back into her circles and then did the unthinkable and shacked up with resident asshole Billy Hargrove, a criminal move in her eyes. She openly resented you, trying everything in her power to push you away. But once you were in, you refused to be pushed out and gotten rid of. You had to find out what was happening in Hawkins.

“How are you? Congratulations, by the way, I can’t believe you’re having another.” You said easily, releasing her.

“I’m alright, it’s still early so I’m still nauseous all the time, but I’m excited! I’m hoping for a boy this time.” She replied breezily, her hand coming instinctively to the bump.

“How is little Sybil?” you asked.

“She’s good! She’s with my mom right now. I swear my mother loves her more than I do sometimes.” She laughed. Karen Wheeler was a lot of things, but you rarely thought she was motherly. After three kids, she lost her identity completely and started chasing after her youth, leading to her affair with Billy Hargrove and, ultimately, her divorce. Both her and Ted still lived in Hawkins, a very awkward arrangement to say the least. Karen got the house and main custody of Mike and Holly and Ted got the car and a twenty-eight year old girlfriend, which boiled Karen’s blood more than anything else.

“Oh Karen must be loving that! Are you staying with her or Joyce? Or are you in the motel?” you asked giddily.

“With her, Joyce and Will aren’t coming in till next week; Will’s still got his graduation this week.” Nancy explained. You nodded, eyes slowly turning to your mother, who was watching you on baited breath for some sort of unexpected answer to be released.

“Nance, let’s go upstairs, alright, I wanna show you the book I’m editing for work.” You said. Nancy nodded, following you out of the room with a wave to your mother, already disappointed.

“She still trying to listen in on you?” Nancy whispered softly as you took the stairs. You nodded; rolling your eyes as you quickly looked behind to see if she was following you. She wasn’t, a surprise for her since she seemed to always butt in where she wasn’t wanted. She always took invitations one steps too far, often getting on the nerves of others. Now, she seemed to be giving you your space.

“So wait are you actually editing a novel up here? Is it yours?” Nancy asked, looking fondly around your old room.

You smiled “I am, but not mine. New mystery novel, it’s pretty okay.” You tried to keep the pride out of your voice. You weren’t really allowing yourself to talk about the book yet, especially with the people who inspired it. You wouldn’t want to hurt them or break ties over the stupid thing. Were you proud to have finished the thing? Of course, but hurting your friends and family wasn’t worth the eight thousand dollars you’d been promised in the deal.

“Oh cool! So the editing thing’s going well then?” Nancy asked, sitting down carefully on the edge of your bed.

“Yeah, they’ve still got me in the harlequin division, I most edit trashy romance novels and pulp mysteries. I also occasionally ghost write for some authors. They had me writing Sweet Valley High books for awhile.” You explained, subtly trying to adjust your papers to hide the loose novel on your desk and to keep them from catching her eye. Luckily for you, she wasn’t paying much attention to you.

“That’s fun, at least you’re writing. You do still want to write, right?” she asked.

You nodded “Yeah, I do I just…I don’t have the right story to tell right now.” You replied vaguely. “So, how’s the P.I. business? Any new bites?” you asked, changing the subject.

“We found that little girl Beverly in Pomona.” She said, frown lines creasing her forehead “But it didn’t do us much good. Turns out she’s eighteen and legally allowed to go wherever she wants, the aunt was just nuts.”

“Damn, did it hit the papers?” you asked worriedly.

Nancy nodded “Unfortunately, it did. And instead of asking for a statement, they just called us thieves and hacks, that didn’t help us much. We lost the Wanda Singh case because of it.” She explained, sighing softly.

“Is the ‘zine doing well at least, I got my copy last week it was pretty good.” You asked easily.

“Eh, I have no idea-Jonathan won’t let me read it. I’m surprised he’s got you on the mailing list. If you ask me, it’s all a bit pretentious.” She replied with a shallow shrug, shaking her head bitterly.

“Yeah, it’s more than a bit pretentious, but that’s Jonathan-he’s a music snob.” You replied, taking a seat next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as she chuckled softly.

 “Being an adult’s hard, isn’t it?” you asked glumly. Nancy nodded, resting her head on your shoulder.

“I don’t know…you’re doing okay…” she replied, trying to find a bright spot in all of it.

You chuckled, shaking your head “Oh yeah, it’s alright, as long as I’m not here…here I do stupid shit…” you replied.

Nancy sat up “What did you do?” she asked.

“I slept with Hargrove…” you admitted softly, looking away.

“You didn’t!” she cried. You simply nodded, not wanting to say it again. “Why? Why did you even see him? He’s an asshole!”

“I don’t know! I ran into him, I wanted an excuse to be out of the house for a couple hours and he offered and ugh I don’t know- I didn’t want to sleep with him! I just did!” you replied, stumbling through your answer, trying to find the logic in it all.

“Couldn’t you have just hung out with Dustin instead?” Nancy asked, bewildered.

“Hanging out with Dustin means hanging out with Steve, I can’t even escape him in my own home, mom’s had him over for dinner already and I’ve been home for forty-eight hours.” You replied bitter;y.

“Are you still mad at him?” Nancy asked,

“Yes and no…it depends on the time of day.” You said, rubbing your face.

“What does that mean?” Nancy replied, forcing you to look at her.

“It means that sometimes, when I see him, I hate him and want to disappear, and then other times it’s like I fall back into old behaviours and we talk and it’s not awful. And then I remember what he did and I hate him all over again.” You explained.

“Isn’t time to move on? I mean it’s been years!” Nancy replied rationally.

“Riddle me this, are you still mad that Ryan Carson dumped you at the spring fling ball in seventh grade?” you asked. Nancy blushed slightly as she looked away, nodding slightly. “Yeah, because he was your first real relationship. Well, Steve was my first love and he broke my heart. So I’m still a little mad.” You said easily.

“I mean; not to be that guy, but Steve’s better than Billy.” Nancy said with a laugh. You scoffed, making her laugh harder as she cried “He’s self aware!”

“Oh please, Steve’s ego is as big as his hair.” You replied with an eye roll.

“Yeah well, since you wanna talk like sitcom characters, Billy’s got a class ring but no class, at least Steve can be humbled. You can’t teach class.” Nancy replied.

“And for the record,” she added “Steve’s changed. I never thought I’d stay his friend after everything, but he has been the biggest help with my own journey to recovery, as lame as that sounds.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” You replied with a shrug. Nancy sighed, flopping down on the mattress. You followed suit, staring up at the ceiling with tired eyes.

“Is it weird for you? Being back?” you asked quietly, connecting dots on your popcorn ceiling.

Nancy sighed “Yeah…it gets easier though…this is your first time home…” she replied.

“I just…it hurts but it doesn’t…I wish it hurt more…” you said. Nancy nodded, unsure what to say. “I haven’t gone to see Mrs. Macpherson yet.” You admitted.

“Suzie’s graduating this year, right?” Nancy asked, turning to look at you.

“Yeah,” you chuckled “I tried to get Dustin to take her to prom. Didn’t want her to go alone. She didn’t , went with Tommy’s cousin.”

“Tommy H or Tommy R?” she asked.

“Tommy H.” you replied, earning a snort from Nancy. “Apparently he’s nicer than Tommy!” you reasoned with a laugh.

“Ugh, Carol invited me to their wedding…” Nancy groaned, rolling her eyes.

“Did you go?” you asked, wide eyed and hopeful; the story would be so good if she did.

“It hasn’t happened yet. I haven’t said yes or no, but Jonathan won’t go. Says it would be lying to pretend that we were all friends.” She replied.

“I’ll go with you! We’ll trash talk the whole thing.” You offered with a giddy smile. You would kill to see how everything turns out.

“I gotta consider how big I’m gonna be by the wedding dates. After four months I get less and less comfortable and I want to leave the house less and less.” She explained. You nodded, more than a little dejected. Nancy smirked “You know…Steve’s invited too…”

You scoffed “You’re worse than my mother…” you said, rolling your eyes.

Nancy tried her hardest to act innocent “I’m just saying!” she cried, raising her hands in defeat. You nodded, grimacing as you sucked your teeth. Nancy groaned, forcing herself off the mattress with great difficultly. You offered her a hand, lifted herself and you back into a seated upright position.

“Come on, crabby pants, let’s go egg the high school or something.” She said, pushing herself back onto her feet and out the door.

You and Nancy didn’t start out as friends. When your little clan moved to Hawkins, Nancy was already the queen bee of the year below you and you being a year older had no chance of ever befriending her; it would’ve been social suicide, especially if you failed to befriend her. So you found friendship in fellow weirdo Heather Macpherson and suffered at the bottom of the social pyramid, Carol and her cronies torturing you whenever possible. Then, you moved in with your dad in Chicago and while you kept up with Heather, Nancy wasn’t even a second thought.

And then, you returned to town in a cloud of smoke and cynicism and took over the only thing she had to prove herself beyond the pretty girl image.

Though she’d never admit it, Nancy needed this case. She needed it to feel better about herself. After Barb died, she needed to push herself away from the carefully crafted ‘fun’ girl image she’d created for herself. She needed to feel smart and powerful and important again. And she did-she spent two years being respected by small town law enforcement and seeking out government secrets and killing monsters with someone she believed was at her level. And then you came back and forced your way in.

When Heather died that summer, you jumped head first into the underworld of Hawkins, ignoring her every attempt to push you out, to ruin your chances of figuring it out before her. You were at the same level, but unlike her relationship with Jonathan, where she was the dominant mind and planner, you thought on your feet and, unlike her, you didn’t mind failing. So, you fought and fought and pushed away from each other.

You’d just returned from the labs, they’d believed your story; you were in line for the internship. This was how you were going to get the files on the other experiments. Screw Nancy’s plan, it would only get you arrested faster, or worse killed. This was the safer way-you’d have access to the files, you’d have direct access to the people who committed these crimes.

You parked in your mother’s driveway, popping open the door and sliding out. You felt incredibly fake-you had chosen to dress the way your mother insisted made you look mature and serious, aka like Nancy Wheeler, save for the silver Virgin Mary necklace around your neck. That was borrowed from Billy, a way to anchor yourself as you lied through your teeth to people you knew had killed innocents for being in the way. Quickly, you tucked the chain into your shirt, rushing up the stairs and unlocking the door. Your mother was on the phone with someone, talking too loudly and sitting on the counter like a teenager. You took this unforeseen opportunity to rush upstairs, excited for the chance to change out of the clothes that felt unfamiliar on your skin.

You opened the door to your room, finding Billy collapsed on your bed, tapping his foot to the music playing out of your headphones. You smiled at the sight; it was so rare to see him at peace in his environment, relaxed and calm and not thinking of his next three moves. You walked up to the bed, pressing a kiss to his forehead, smiling as his eyes fluttered open and he matched your grin.

“Hey baby…” you muttered, reaching around the back of your neck and unclasping the silver clasp, releasing the necklace from its secure place around your throat. “You look a little naked, and not in the fun way.” You said, handing him the chain, which he quickly put around his own neck, clasping it before you could even offer your help.

“Thanks…” he said, sitting up to smile at you and give you a proper kiss.

“How was your day? You find ways to hide out from your dad?” you asked, sitting next to him on the bed. For some unknown reason, Billy was very worried that if his father noticed him without the pendant, he’d get in trouble. You knew what trouble meant for him, so you were naturally apprehensive to the idea of asking, but Billy was more than eager to comply if he was rewarded thusly.

“Hid out up here all day. Got out before he left too. I would’ve gone to the library like you suggested, but it’s not my scene.” He replied with a shrug.

“So you just used up the battery in my walkman instead?” you asked cheekily, not really scolding him.

“Consider it half your payment.” He replied with a smirk. You chuckled, shaking your head. He always managed to bring things back around to him.

“So…what’re you doing tonight?” he asked, leaning into you.

“Why? Looking to cash in?” you replied with a smirk.

“Maybe…” he said, fluttering his dark lashes.

You chuckled “Well in that case I’m busy.” You said “But I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Kicking me out already? He asked with a pout. You nodded, pushing him towards the open window.

“Yep, I gotta make some calls. Gloat to Wheeler that I beat her ass, again.” You said. While he didn’t know about the mystery, Billy was more than excited to hear you’d beat someone, even in the lame smart way you had. He leaned down, swinging one leg over the sill and then another, landing easily on the roof.

“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were into her.” He said with a smirk, fantasies already running through his dirty mind.

“Yeah? I could say the same thing about you and Harrington.” The smirk dropped off his face as you slammed the window shut, waving your fingers at him before shutting the blinds. You had too much to do to worry at him and his stupid fantasy.

You listened for your mother’s shrill goodbye on the phone downstairs before picking up your landline and dialling the Wheeler’s number. Nancy picked up on the first ring.

“Wheeler house.” She said, with a bored tone.

“I’ve pretty much got the internship. They’re just doing a background check and with Hopper on my side, Amelia Kingsley will be interning at the remaining Chicago labs by next week.” You announced, a proud smile brightening your face.

“And how do you intend on explaining to your mother that you have an internship in another girl’s name in Chicago?” Nancy asked forcefully.

“I won’t have to-the Chicago Labs, as they’re calling them, are just a new group a little outside Hawkins. I won’t even have to commute.” You grinned.

Nancy groaned, shaking her head “This is a bigger risk than just breaking in. If they catch you stealing they’ll kill you before they call the police.” She warned.

“They won’t catch me. I’ve already got bugs inside, Heather’s taking the reins on that one.” You replied.

“Fine.” Nancy huffed “I’ll call Steve and tell him the break in’s off. You call Joyce and tell her to get El to give us any other numbers she can remember.”

You felt a small smirk pull at your lips “No, it’s fine, I’ll tell Steve, I was heading to the mall anyway, I need a few more smart cardigans for the office.” You said.

“Y/N, that’s not a good idea.” Nancy said quickly.

“And calling him at work is?” you replied, matching her speed.

Nancy sighed “Steve and Robin are so close to getting together, don’t ruin it by distracting him.” She said, practically begging.

“I’m not trying to distract him.” You replied innocently, already imagining your outfit options, trying to find the most flattering and revealing pairing.

“Yes you are. You have Billy; you’ve made it abundantly clear that you like him. So stay in your lane.” She said.

“I’m gonna tell Steve.” You replied and before she could reply, you dropped the receiver, pulling off your ugly peach pink cardigan and plain white shirt in favour of something made of mesh.

It wasn’t until the trial that you two became friends, mainly out of desperation. You two were alone in this trial-Robin hadn’t wanted to testify and with you and Nancy being the only girls over fourteen around to talk to, you had to talk to one another. Jonathan was an emotional wreck, full of obvious anxiety and shaky nausea that made him impossible to deal with, Billy and you weren’t on good terms, and while you loved Steve, you needed someone else. So you had to rely on Nancy, something you’d never done before, and while it was shaky at first, you grew to understand each other. You sat together, usually in silence, trying to understand how your lives had gotten to this point. Then, you found your common ground: mutual hatred, the thing that bonds us all.

Suddenly, and without warning, you were friends and united in the struggle of dealing with the opposing team whom you loathed so much. You even got her to admit that certain people on your own team were annoying and tiresome. You nearly died when she, after three tiny bottles of rum, admitted that she found Jonathan just as pretentious as everyone else did. Likewise, you dished on Billy with as much fervour as Nancy could handle. And she admitted that she didn’t hate Billy nearly as much as she pretended you, stating that Steve needed to be taken down a peg or so to let him grow up. You agreed, much to her surprise. Suddenly, you weren’t so much an enemy but an ally in the cause of repairing your lives.

You stayed allies long after the trial, much to your surprise. You never assumed people would stick around; time had proven that to not be true to your life. But Nancy stayed, in her own way. You each moved to different parts of the country; her to Denver, you to San Diego, but you wrote back and forth whenever you could. It was a nice relationship-it didn’t depend on equal attention, you wrote when you had time and so did she. Sometimes, you’d write more than her and other times the roles reversed. Either way, not entirely by your choice, you stayed thick as thieves, hell you’d even met her baby and were a part of the madcap Vegas wedding ceremony.

And now, you were lingering outside Hawkins High School, contemplating going inside, an idea that was beyond you.

 “I just wanna see if they put up anything about us.” Nancy reasoned, pulling you towards the door.

“And I just really don’t wanna go in there.” You replied, yanking your arm out of her grip “So you can go in there and I’ll wait out here, tell me if my message is still up on the bulletin board.”

You hadn’t paid much attention to the sound of cars on the street behind you, nor the sound of the horn blaring behind you. But you turned when someone yelled out behind you.

“Hey Henderson!” the voice cried out, setting your nerves on end and turning your sweat cold.

Billy.

He was sitting in the front seat of a beat up tow truck, emblazoned with the logo for Sherman’s shop. He looked…well he looked like a small town hick, everything he didn’t want to be back in the day.

You slowly turned, taking a deep breath and finding a tight smile. “Hey Billy…” you replied, waving awkwardly.

“What the hell are you doing here? Come on I’ll give you a ride!” he called, motioning you over. Nancy grabbed your arm, squeezing your skin tightly, save for one fingering tapping out Morse code; Don’t. Do. It.

“I can’t! I gotta handle a couple clerical things for Dustin! Maybe another time!” you called back, confidence beginning to fill your blood.

“What about tonight then?�� he asked eagerly, eyes training over your frame like a tongue. You tried not to shiver with disgust.

“I’ve got plans!” you replied easily, not trying to resist Nancy’s pull towards the front door “See ya around, Hargrove!” you called, waving politely as he groaned and drove off.

The inside of the school was almost as warm as the outside; the school still hadn’t invested in central cooling and instead let their students swelter inside and out. It also hadn’t been updated since long before you started there. The paint was peeling, the locker doors dented and nearly falling off their hinges. The note you’d left on the large bulletin board when you graduated was still there, much to your excitement.

Don’t let them make you forget things for their benefit. Remember pain. Remember embarrassment. Remember Heather Macpherson.

You were so mad when you wrote that, filled with white hot sadness and burning, misplaced anger and passion. The clean cursive on thin white card paper was marked with pain and marked with heavy lines dug into the card, your hand to hard and shaky on the paper.

You smiled at the note, planning to steal it on your way out, collecting one of the missing pieces of your old life and taking it away from the crummy world you’d left it in. Before you’d take it, however, you’d show Dustin, out of pride.

Nancy returned with visitor passes on cheap lanyards, hers already strung around her neck. “Rhonda says hi.” She said, handing you the plastic pass, which you shoved into your back pocket.

“Rhonda’s still here?” you asked, giggling more than you should’ve.

Rhonda White had been assistant head secretary when you were in high school, a marriage obsessed woman with long, sharp red nails that often mimicked talons and brown lipstick that was permanently on her teeth. She was always smoking, always reading magazines instead of working, always cracking bubblegum, and always in a bad mood.

“Apparently, still as annoyed as ever.” Nancy chuckled, shaking her head.

“You see a ring?” you asked, craning to look into the big, supported glass window to catch a peak of her.

“Why? You wanna pop the question?” Nancy giggled, beginning down the hallway. You rolled your eyes, trailing behind her. “Since you’re curious, no I didn’t, at least not a wedding ring.”

You clicked your tongue, shaking your head “Poor thing, she just wanted it too much.” You said, a smirk pulling at your lips.

“You wanna get married?” Nancy asked, pausing to let you catch up with her intense strides.

You gasped, a hand coming your chest as you tried to hold back a smile “Nancy! But what would Jonathan say?” you replied, feigning astonishment.

Nancy rolled her eyes “I meant in general and you know it.” She replied.

“I-I don’t know,” you said, trying to regain your composure, stomach clenching it fits of giggles “I mean…if I found the right guy and blah blah blah.” You said.

“I mean, I get it and I don’t wanna sound like your mom, but it’s nice.” Nancy replied.

“I’m sure it is but I’m not even thirty, so like I’m not worried about it. You know, not everyone meets their soul mate at seventeen.” You said, rolling your eyes.

A heavy arm came around your shoulders, making you jump out of your skin. “I mean I don’t know, I think we could’ve been soul mates.”

[in-paradox-space]

wake up at 11

baby cry alarm

techno pulls me out in a trance

gulp a diluted homemade povidone, hemihydrate bootleg lean

brush with no flouride

copious amounts of menthol and morphine

bus through to the next town

hop off and hit up pharma

withdraw cash, money filter

it's for toothache. don't give me NSAID's. yeah I've used it before. no more than 3 days use.

walk 40 yds, cross a road, hit up the neighboring pharma

cardio 2 miles to the next pharma. empty stomach, still water.

on the way to the cinema.

from little lever to great lever

neighbourhood of the honest, segregated Asians. where they mix with the honest, impoverished locals.

lowest property prices, highest unreported crime rate

dressed up for Ramadan. A man aging well for 50 holds back expressions of contempt as he knows this isn't solely for pain. Surely, paracetamol is enough.

Walk another mile, could've got the bus, could've left later, could've slept off the buzz I chased until 4am

but I get in more cardio. the shitty high works in the background. it used to make me feel like a kid but now it's bridged across my Central lobe.

Ramadan ends soon. What kind of Muslim am I? I haven't gone a day sober, a day fasting, done many good deeds really.

I believe in the last day and any day can be too soon, they keep on turning I keep on rolling.

brush off the sunburns, drink more povidone. how much of this shit gets into each tablet, how much is lethal? I swear it gets extracted into the water too.

meet up with Mo, "why you so late, I've got to wait with your ticket?"

enjoy riding out the palpitations through the cinema scenes

walk to To

a true scientist, unrecognised, unrecordable

passed down through the name

a knack for observation. the intuitive nature of the patterns we fall into. he sees through our all secretive nature. he sees through us all. a genius. naturally knowing the best button combinations.

brothers, schoolfriends and authority figures, he's tested every question, response, statement and boundary to know which stimuli receives which reaction.

just, does he know how talented he is? he has deciphered what most people deem to be immeasurable; social sciences. he knows his power not.

he knows I am changing. he's going out less. even coming out with me less. messages of'uugh', not another thoughtless yes.

tired eyes, irritability and very slow responses. surely he knows.

so if they verify my order. if I don't stop soon. I'm gonna crash and burn in hell.

I must.

I've depleted to 140mg a day but it's still too much. time to gain some self control man.

sedating antihistamines put me to sleep. need it to ignore the fact the scientist's crossbreed almost deceases me when passing through my Alveolar macrophages.

sit through the bus ride feeling allergied up. just as inconsiderate as me. to force a friend, via peer pressure, with an immune disorder to sit with allergens climbing on him. a man with hay fever can appreciate flowers but surely they wouldn't want to sit in the garden for 2 hours in Spring.

bus ride home, anaphylaxis of the bus fumes. family friend small talk.

always on the night bus. he's just like me. but he has been allowed to live long. he's s smart and self-suppressed through phet, 35 years it'd probably kill you to stop at this point. self-empowered through poison of choice, synapses connected through synthetic serotonin. able to see more possibilities at once. only accepted by the societies of hell.

wouldn't it be nice if the rumours are true? if it's not punishment down there ... but it is. prepare for the last day.

he gets off the bus sooner than later. lean ran out a while ago, it's practically diluted to water now.

walk in routine. put shit away. eat leaves, superfoods and smother it with poutine. Keys, cards, bags and jackets, put it all away, wash the hands and face.

they're in bed, cold water extract for 2 hours watching Netflix or whatever anime I'm currently stomaching. same story, different names. I'm not this pathetic am I? I don't identify with these self pitying wrecks, do I? so why do I watch their clearly false mantras? truth isn't, it's chill, I guess.

small extracting splash, coffee filters

Give into the sedatives, sleep through sunlight.

every minute, another millilitre

baby cry alarm

a horrible wake up call but it's what I need.

plug in music to release the dopamine. get up, walk off the stiff muscles of last week's strenuous workout. adrenaline, endorphin, norepinephrine.

take out the crusted filters, pour a transparent thick liquid into a smart water bottle. divide this tiny body of water evenly into four bottles, fill each up with another smart water bottle.

walk into town, cardio,

get the bus, let's hope I left early enough to avoid the damn school kids

today I don't need to hit up pharma. I hope I stop soon. I hope I clear my to do list soon.

I hope I go vegan soon, numbing my tastebuds with the spiciest McDonald's wrap i can find. it's just mayo at this point but god I live for that spice high. it's just a memory now though.

[musicalmukebox]

Let’s Get (Back) Together | l.h. (3)

Ctto of the gif!

AU: Parent Trap Dad!Luke

Summary: A strong love which led to a strong marriage and twin daughters. Yet in the end, it didn’t turn out so well. You strongly refuse to encounter him ever again. But what happens when both of you coincidentally send your twin daughters to the same summer camp in Florida after 10 years?

Word Count: 4.8k

Warnings: SLIGHT sexual content and swearing

A/N: This is where the real story takes off. Also here and onwards, the italicized story in the beginning is a flashback. Enjoy, my loves! 

- Brielle

I don’t own Parent Trap and its ideas. It’s only used as inspiration.

1 / 2A / 2B / 2C / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15

Feedback/Questions/Others? Here.

-

2019, Los Angeles

“Shut the fuck up, Luke!” You exclaimed, throwing your pillows at the annoying, child-like manchild that is Luke, who kept distracting you from reviewing for your French final exam by singing a mix of his and All Time Low songs really badly.

Ever since the Valentine music video shooting more than a year ago, you two kept in touch. You both would find your middle ground time (since he’s always abroad) so you can message or call to talk, and hanging out when he’s in L.A., which is pretty common now. In fact recently, you joined him on the North American part of the band’s tour last summer when you were on break. That really bonded you both, which made the other 3 guys suspicious.

“Aren’t you guys cute?”

“Stop making me single when you guys are around.”

“Jesus, someone get me a girlfriend.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t fucked yet.”

“Hey cupid, you forgot me!”

“Something tells me that this friendship isn’t just a friendship.”

Those were some of the things they would say. Yeah, you’ve both been annoying to each other out of stupidity, open when you rant to each other about any bad things that occurred, and touchy too yet nothing like that makeout scene in Valentine. Well, yet.

“Oh, come one, (Y/N)! You still have tomorrow. I mean your exam is at 3 pm!” He defends himself.

“I know, but I have to really need to memorize these words and their conjugations if there’s an essay portion, you know?!”

“But I’m here!”

“You could’ve been with the boys drinking!”

“But I’ll be seeing them for a good 6 months on tour!” He argued back.

“You know very well that I was going to be studying tonight!”

“At least I get to spend time with you though.” He gave a wink, which isn’t surprising because he knew that it annoyed you, sometimes.

“I figured though that you would be gone after we ate Panda Express a while ago.” You assumed, only to be wrong.

“Nah, I need some chill time right now, and you are the chilliest person ever.” He shares his opinion, resting his body on your couch and shifting a bit to be more comfortable. Sometimes, you could be dense, wondering whether if he was flirting with you or just giving you friendly comments. For Luke though, his feelings for you remained platonic, but recently, he’s been feeling something more with you, especially during tour. He couldn’t be too sure just yet whether it’s just a phase or it’s really legit.

“Sadly, you’ll be getting some quiet time too.” You bluntly say, looking back at your notes.

“I’m not leaving until you’re done so get used to me.”

“Luke, I’ve already accidentally saw you butt naked on tour. I think I’ll be fine.” You finished the conversation, resuming to scan through your notes. You also put on your reading glasses to further comprehend the words that you have written on those index cards.

“Devenir, Revenir, Monter, Rester ..” You read in your mind.

Luke stood by his statement, bound to bring out his phone to seek immediate gratification. However, he didn’t feel it in his back pocket and to make things worse, he didn’t bring any bag that would hold it. Standing up, he looked around frantically in the room, which was quite distracting as you were memorizing. You thought that this was a trick, but you weren’t going to give in. “Okay, where the fuck is my phone?”

“I don’t know, in your pocket?” You bantered, sticking your tongue out.

“Ha, very funny (Y/N), but really now.” He walks over to your deskside area, making you scoot over.

“Luke, what are you doing now?” You asked the nervous boy, pacing back and front in your dorm. “Did you hide my fucking phone?”

“No, I’ve been talking to you the whole time without moving my butt on this chair!” You pushed him out of your minimum space.

“Fuck, I can’t find my phone!” He yells, looking through your couch and bed.

“It’s just in my room for sure, unless you placed it somewhere else right?” You tried to calm his nerves, putting your hand on his shoulder.

“Wait, we did just come from the garbage bins outside right to throw away the pizza box right?” He remembered as he scratched the back of his head out of stress.

“You didn’t.” You narrowed your eyes, realizing what he’s up to. Without a second more, he took hold of your doorknob, twisting it to the right to open and making a run for it before things get worse.

“Goddamnit, Luke.” You say, smacking your palm to your face in stress, before running after the lanky boy. Your mind was already drained, and your legs were sore from your workout session hours ago. Breathless, you made it outside your dormitory building. Walking in the dark with very dim lighting emitting from the post lights, you caught sight of a tall guy rummaging through one garbage bin at a time in search of his phone. As you got to his side, offering him help to find, he beat you to it.

“I found it!” Luke yanks out his phone from the garbage bin, grinning from ear to ear like a child. He looked cute triumphant.

“You’re stupid, you know that?” You teased, punching him in the arm and heart rate still racing. Well, for two reasons.

“Yeah, it is a fact. Tell me something I don’t know.” He challenges, his gaze on you intensifies as he puts his phone securely on one of his front pockets of his black jeans.

“Do you really want me to answer that, Hemmings?” You straightened your back, giving him a strong, badass vibe as you also crossed your arms.

“I dare you.” He insisted, taking one step further towards you. As you were to open your mouth again, his phone rung abruptly, the song “Bail Me Out” by All Time Low ft. Joel Madden playing. Bringing out his phone swiftly, he checked to see that it was from Ashton. Upon answering it, his competitive mood switched to a more stressed mood.

“Hey Ash, what’s up? … No, why? …. Fuck why, you’re so stupid. … I’m with (Y/N), hanging out in her dorm. … Is it urgent? … Fine, I’m on my way…. No, nothing happened, bye see you in 10.” He hung up.

“What happened over there?” You asked nicely, trying not to tick him off like he already is.

“Ash lost his key to the house, and needs to get in now, but I’m still with you.” He pouts like a child.

“Dude, go back there and help him! I bet he hasn’t packed yet.” You hypothesized, getting a strong laugh from him.

“True. But when I leave, I’m seeing you in like half a year.”

“There’s always Facetime and iMessage, Luke. It’s not like we’re not seeing each other ever again.” You emphasized, playing his fingers so his nerves won’t get the best of him. He is a reserved guy after all, wherein he keeps so much to himself yet you see through his eyes and actions that he just needs to calm down.

“I don’t know, love. I just got used to you so much.”

“I’ll still be here when you’re done, and when you are, we’re going out to drink and get high like always except today. Besides, I’ll drop by some tour destinations when I got the time, just as long it’s in the U.S.” You reassured, patting his shoulder for his comfort.

“Now, that’s something to look forward.” He pondered, his arms reaching out for you for a hug. Returning such, you felt him lift you a bit and when he brought you down, he kissed your forehead.

“You’re honestly a best friend to me just like the boys, (Y/N).”

“Your best friend? I’ve only known you for more than year, Luke. You’ve known the boys since you were 15-16.”

“In our case, sometimes time doesn’t matter if you really vibe well with someone’s character, (Y/N).”

---

2034, Los Angeles

Waking up with a hangover is the worst thing for you as a working actress and mom. But in your defense, you haven’t had alcohol in a while. Rubbing your eyes to make yourself more awake, proceeded in standing up and walking to the stairs. First thing you already see as you got to the ground floor is Mark toasting some bread.

“Morning, Mark.” You greeted, stretching your tense arms. Mark didn’t bother to ask what happened because by the pitch of your morning voice, it could be two things: over fatigue or hungover. Could be both. “It’s more like good afternoon, Miss (Y/N).” He corrects, making you look the clock.

12:37.

“Looks like I really slept in last night. But hey, at least I only have one interview, which is at 4 pm!”

“Let me guess, wine was the culprit?” Mark wiggled his eyebrows playfully. “Whatever, Mark. Anyways, I know it’s late but can I have some pancakes and bacon? Maybe some coffee too.”

“Of course, miss.” He follows, grabbing the ingredients of flour, milk and others from the refrigerator and other cabinets. As you expressed your thanks, you take a seat and brought out your phone to check on any texts from Gina.

Gina: Hello, Miss (Y/N)! Today, aside from your interview with Vogue, you’ll be having dinner with your other co-stars in Take Me or Leave Me, like Timmy Chalamet, Miles Teller and Cami Mendes at 7 at the Maximillia. See you later!

You: Alright, got it. Thanks, love!

Putting your phone down, Mark serves your desired food to your table mat. You view of the pleasing meal and inhale at the sweet and salty aroma, excited to dive in. Taking that first bite of the pancake side by side with the bacon is alleviating your hangover so quickly, really treasuring every bite.

“Thank you God for this meal.” You praised, not realizing that *Stella* just breezed through the dining room, sitting right in front of you. Mark served her spaghetti and meatballs, with orange juice on the side. Unlike you, she looked fresh and awake, dressed in better clothing while you still wore your outfit from last night since you passed out on your bed as soon as Timmy left.

“Hi, mom. I see you’re finally awake.” She commends, sipping on orange juice while looking at her phone, in which you spanked her hand away. “Hey, what gives?” She hissed in pain, putting it down.

“No phones while at the table.” You reminded, getting an exasperated sigh from her. Why would she not follow that rule? It’s been established ever since she got the phone last year. “But you used it before I came in here!”

“But it was only me in the table. Unless someone is with you in table, no phones.” You reinstated, hoping she doesn’t argue any further. “Using your phone is still using your phone, mom!” She budged, ticking you off more. This and dealing with a hangover? It won’t end well.

“Don’t raise your voice on me, or I’m confiscating it, Stella.” You argued back, your fatigue getting the best of you. But come on, she wouldn’t stop. Her temper was so identical, almost like his.

“Whatever, mom. Phone is out of my grasp.” She placed her phone on the other side of the table, continuing her consumption of her meal. As you took a sip of your coffee, feeling less and less hungover by the second, you noticed something different with Rebecca as you observed her facial features. “Are you wearing eyeshadow, bub?”

“Why? You’ll ask me to remove that too?” She rudely responded, rolling her eyes in annoyance. You weren’t having this disrespect from her, not today or ever. So you stood up and walked to her side, grabbing her phone away from her vicinity.

“Mom, what the heck?!” She grumbled, dropping her utensils loudly on the table before she also stood up trying to reclaim her phone. Her blue eyes darkened with anger and annoyance. But you raised your hand higher so she wouldn’t bother to try getting it. You pointed right at her, your eyes narrowed.

“You don’t disrespect me like that, okay? Because of that, I’m confiscating your phone for the day.” You concluded the argument, heading back to your chair on the other side and putting her phone on your pocket. “Ugh, you are evil!” She raged, stomping her feet on the way to her room, banging the door too.

“What is up with her lately?” You pondered, loudly. Were you being too strict? Did you let your stress out on her? “Miss (Y/N), all she did was forgetting a rule and you handled it too seriously, but she grew too aggressive as well. Don’t wanna intervene here, but she feels bad I know it.” He is right though, wherein your take was harsh but to recall, she retaliated fire with fire.

“Ugh, I just want to go back to sleep.” You sighed, going back to your room to get ready for the day and placing Rebecca's phone under your bed so she would never find it. Scrolling through your closet, your back slouching because of the fatigue, you settled on a black romper with black open sandals. Not even bothering to put on makeup since there are makeup artists at the interview anyways, Timmy texted you that he was at the venue already, anticipating your arrival to give you some “stress relief” since these interviews and everything else are getting too overwhelming.

“Your car again?” You replied, giddy at the frisky opportunity. It flatters you highly at how by the thought of you, he is so aroused.

“Yes. Now hurry, I can’t hide this boner any longer.” Laughing, you raced downstairs to your car, putting on the first pair of shows at your sight, which were ballet flats. Getting to your car, you quickly revved on the engine and drove off so you wouldn’t be late. What a way to wake up.

-

“Ugh.” Rebecca groaned as she banged her door, locking it as well. She mindlessly jumped on her bed, lying down and pressing her face to a pillow to soften her shouting. As much as you pissed her off just minutes ago, this was something she has never felt with Luke. Yeah, they had their fallouts but to have it with you, her mother, felt different. Luke has never reached that level of arguing with her because it wouldn’t end well, so they would equally wait until they were calm to solve the problem. But with you, it was fire vs. fire. And discreetly, she felt glad that she had this kind of dilemma for the first time. It was like a weird way to bond with you.

“Stella.” Rebecca’s daze was interrupted at the voice of Mark, knocking at her door. Still filled with annoyance, she reluctantly got up from her cozy position and turned the knob on her door, revealing Mark holding some clothes.

“Hey Mark, what’s up?” She casually says, crossing her arms in front of her butler as she wasn’t finished releasing all that stress in her.

“Firstly, young lady, doe these jeans belong to you?” He unfolded one of the jeans, the black one which is ripped on one side by the knee. “And this shirt as well?” “He unfolded the black shirt to reveal the words “5 Seconds of Summer” with a picture of lips above it. Shit, she could get caught by now.

“Actually, yes. I traded some clothes of mine with the same girl from New York in camp. Thank you for giving them to me.” She got hold of the clothes, turning her back on him as she walked towards her bed to refold them again. Assuming Mark was going to leave her as is, he didn’t. He leaned by the door frame, one brow raised. “That New Yorker friend of yours, she’s into music of old bands?” He asks with a hint of interest.

“Yeah, she got that interest for 5 Seconds of Summer from her mom she said. That shirt is practically vintage, but I traded my denim skirt for it because it looked cool.”

“That’s pretty cool, huh? I mean wow, being familiar with 5 Seconds of Summer to kids like you decades later? They really did it.” Mark commends them. This made Rebecca’s heart flutter to hear positive words about Luke because she knows that he wholeheartedly deserves it, especially after everything he has been though.

“Also speaking of that New Yorker friend of yours, how long were you guys talking last night?” He continued on, growing suspicious. Does he know something you don’t?

“I don’t know, around an hour?” Rebecca said on the spot, praying to the heavens he would stop. She already had you to deal with drama that day, not Mark too. “Hmm, so at 10 pm here, why would she be awake at 1 am?” He pestered.

“Well, she texted me first that she couldn’t sleep so we just talked. Nothing wrong with that, right?” She came up, feeling a drip of sweat from her forehead out of nerves.

“Hmm, the talking to friends isn’t, but going at it that late? You’re only 11! Take care of yourself now, okay?” Mark prompted, releasing some fatherly vibes at Rebecca out of concern. Although Luke will never replace him, it felt refreshing to have a piece of home at the moment.

“Okay, Mark. Sorry about that.” She apologizes, putting down her pride and turns around to face him so he could see how sorry she really was.

“Nah, it’s okay. But you should be saying sorry to someone else though.” He straightened his posture after leaning too long. “Mom? Ha! She overacted over a simple rule I forgot. I am human, I forget things!” She reckoned, her pride slowing growing on to her again. It’s without a doubt bad trait she inherited from Luke.

“I know, but cut her some slack at least? She’s tired from doing interviews and press stuff, not to mention having an Australian premiere next week? Just spare her.” He rationalizes again. Rebecca was reluctant, but he did have a point. A strong one.

“W-wait, an Australian premiere?” She stammers at the new information, hoping it doesn’t ruin the plan. “Yeah, next week? You’re going with her, and you have a dress that’s being delivered?” He answered, giving you a questionable look, exemplifying “Did you forget?”

“Oh yeah that! I forgot for a moment, but now if you don’t mind, I will be fixing this and my room, might take a nap too.”

“Alright, Stella. I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.” He stated, slowly walking away only for his name to be called out again to stop him. “Thanks, Mark. For everything.” Rebecca sends him a hopeful smile, feeling calmer than earlier.

“No problem, bub. Always here to help you out.”

---

2034, Sydney

The heat down under was unreal, and the best way to unwind was swimming. Stella couldn’t wait to jump in and feel refreshed. Well, again if lunch 2 hours ago wasn’t enough. As much as she loved swimming back home, Sydney would feel a lot better because there were times the cold breeze there would leave her in shivers that would make her sniff a whole lot.

Meanwhile, there was a nervous couple waiting for the 11 year old’s arrival in order to lay down the news once and for all.

“Luke, babe, are we really telling Rebecca about us today?” Sierra dreaded, lying down on poolside bed and drinking a beer Luke gave her earlier. She knew Rebecca since she was born, yet she had problems that reached to the media, which made her nervous as to what Rebecca thinks about her. Especially since she will be her new mother. Likewise to Luke, he wanted his little girl about the news as soon as possible so it is over and done with.

“Today, Sierra. She’s just dressing up into her swimsuit before meeting up here.” Luke reassured Sierra as he was sat on the edge of the bed. Well tried. “Shit, I want her to like me. Well, she does as an aunt but still.” She worries, drinking more of the beer than usual because she always drinks it slowly. Her fingers tremble while at it, spilling some of them on her blue dress.

“Yikes, Sierra. Let me take that.” Luke grabs the beer from her, putting on the table beside her. He put one hand on her thigh and the other on her cheek, brushing away some of Sierra’s hair behind her ear to see her face clearly, filling him up with so much admiration.

“Even when you’re nervous, you still look gorgeous.” He complimented, making Sierra blush and bite her bottom lip. “God, you’re distracting me from my thoughts.”

“You like it, though.” His hand was still at by her cheek, bringing her closer to his lips. “More like I need it.” She chuckled, being the one to go closer this time, eventually closing the gap between them. Their lips crashed, moving in sync to the album of Daniel Caesar playing through the speakers of the pool area. Luke’s hands lowered down to her waist, while Sierra’s arms tangled to his neck and legs remain at his lap. This was nothing compared to the heat they were facing. Sierra shifted her legs to his waist, hands rubbing under his red floral shirt, feeling his fit abdomen. Luke bit her lower lip as they kissed, knowing damn well how much she liked it.

“Fuck.” She moaned, feeling Luke’s pointer finger dangerously near her core as he trailed it along her inner thigh. She wanted it badly, but to her dismay, he let go first.

“You tease!” She protested, pouting at the chuckling man in front of her.

“You know I wouldn’t hesitate to fuck right here, right now, but my daughter could be here at any second and I don’t want her to be scarred at this.” He directly says, urging Sierra to unlock herself from him. “You owe me, big time.”

“We have the whole afternoon, when Felicia goes to the grocery and Rebecca swims.” He kissed her temple, then at his peripheral view, he sees a blonde girl wearing a blue one-piece and black round sunglasses, running to the stairs. “Finally, here’s the little poppet!”

Undoubtedly, Stella was excited to swim but she grew confused to see another person at the area. She wasn’t there a while ago. “Rebecca, you remember aunt Sierra, right?” Luke reintroduces, Sierra looking up from her black hat to face the little girl.

“Rebecca! You grew a few inches taller after camp, huh?” She began, shifting from lying down to setting on the edge of the bed. “Uh, yeah. Doing a lot of sports does stretch limbs, I believe.” She adlibbed, internally cringing at that random fact she gave.

“Ooh I see! That’s really interesting.” Sierra comments, turning to Luke and giving him a “you should tell her” look, just like Rebecca with Timmy and you previously. Luke got the hint, kneeling to Stella’s level.

“What’s up, dad? What’s with looks you’ve given each other?” Stella asks curiously, her interest skyrocketing. “Well, poppet. We have something to tell you, which is very important.”

“What is it then, dad? You’re scaring me.” Am I caught already she thought. Luke looks at Sierra again, with a smile of reassurance with some nerves. 

“Rebecca, your aunt Sierra and I are getting married.”

Stella was dumbfounded. Uncle Timmy and you dating was news that she still couldn’t comprehend, but now dad and Aunt Sierra getting married? Like in a church, saying “I do” and all was much more challenging to handle. It’s an actual commitment that can’t be messed with. Well, you and uncle Timmy is a commitment too, but who knows things may change? Yet, she put a fake smile for her dad and sucked it up.

“Wow, that’s amazing! I love you both, you guys have made each other happy all these years.” She lied, knowing well that only you can make him very happy. Luke and Sierra were astonished as they received a better response than what they expected. Out of that emotion, Luke gave Stella a warm hug.

“Thank you, poppet! We should celebrate this with some drinks.” He rejoiced.

“Uhm dad remember, I’m only eleven.” Stella realistically confronted. “Hmm, I’ll just get you a soda perhaps.” As he runs back to the house to get drinks, Stella is left with Sierra, feeling forced to talk to her. Her blue eyes eyeing on her short blue dress, exposing her legs. She went here for another reason maybe. Nonetheless, she kept her cool luckily.

“So Aunt Sierra,” She instigated, removing her shades and putting them on the table. “My dad, huh?” “Yeah, he’s a great guy. I mean, I’ve known him for like 20 years?”

“Oh wow, that’s long. Anyways, how old are you if you don’t mind me asking?” Stella fired another question, wanting to know more of this woman who may be her future step-mother.

Switch that “may be” to a “would never be” if she and Rebecca change that.

Stella took a few steps to the edge of the pool, sitting there momentarily as she awaits Sierra’s response. She laughs at first at the question, but not hesitant to hold back. “I’m 42, love. And let me say this, you are just as great as him. He talks highly about you a lot.” She compliments, making Stella’s heart flutter despite the compliment being meant for Rebecca.

“Oh he does? Well, we only have each other in this life.” Stella stood up then jumped right in, splashing some water on Sierra. She flinched and shrieked in disgust, trying to wipe off any excess droplets.

“Oh shiz, did I get any water on you, Aunt Sierra?” Stella put her hand on her mouth, half genuinely apologetic and half impressed at her intended act of mischievousness. Let’s see what how she’ll react, will she be fake or real?

“Well, just a little bit, love. But that’s alright.” Sierra gave her a fake smile as she grabbed a tissue to wipe a second time. Stella had a gut feeling she was right about her intended action; she was being fake about it.

“So, aunt Sierra, what did my dad have to say about me?” She wondered, grabbing a donut floatie and lifted her body to lie down there. Sierra settled once again on the poolside bed, avoiding the wet spots to touch her dress.

“He said that you’re just as into rock as him, playing the guitar and piano, and also football.” She says slickly, hoping to win her favor. So far, Stella was still questioning such. “Aww, thanks you’re such a great girl, but,”

“But?” Sierra widened her eyes, eager to know what the eleven year old is prompting. Was she still lacking something?

“Do you really wanna know what’s up?” Stella playfully trails, liking how one word can really make someone interested. She was ready to fill her with lies. Naughty.

“Tell me what’s up then, Becks.” Stella cringes at her calling Becks at first, but continued on.

“Well, you’re not the first girl he’s liked in this way in a long time and not the first time a girl of his talks to me like this.” She affirms, floating along with the water.

“Oh r-really?” Sierra stammered, astonished again. As much as she and Luke have been friends been for so long, has he missed any details about him or this girl is just trying to get rid of her?

“Truly. He’s done this before; he invites the girl on a few dates, then to his house, and in a few months, breaks up because he’s never happy. That’s one flaw about him sadly. But you should’ve known that since you’ve been friends for long. Hey though, you made it this far, to the level of marriage, which is impressive! Maybe another glass of wine or beer and consider yourself really lucky.” Stella shrugged, noticing how convinced Sierra was at her white lies. To top off the cherry on the sundae, Luke returned to the scene, holding a few bottles on both his hands.

“Here babe, another bottle of beer, and Rebecca, I got a bottle of rootbeer for you. So that we’d be the same, having the word beer in it.” He bantered, handing it to her whilst still in the donut floatie.

“Oh my god, dad.” Stella cringed at the dad joke. After all, he is one and takes any opportunity to annoy her with that kind of jokes. She then looked at Sierra, raising her bottle to her.

“Cheers, aunt Sierra, or may I say, step-mom. Welcome to the family.” She smirked at her, receiving another fake smile from her. “See, I told her she’ll like you.” Luke beamed at the bonding, clinking her beer at her.

“Yeah, I’m sure she is.” Sierra kept in that smile, annoyed at the little girl who will be her step-daughter.

“I need to get rid of this brat.”

[grapefruitguan-blog]

Fight!AU (Park Woojin)

- woojin was preparing for his comeback

- and they were asking a lot of time from him

- so he was coming home rlly late and leaving rlly early in the morning

- and you were supportive n he was really appreciative

- but it happened for about two weeks

- two weeks of you making dinner and watching it get cold and waking up to him and a quick kiss saying he loves you but he’s gotta go

- but you had ur last straw when he didn’t even come home on your birthday

- he actually forgot

- this time you didn’t fall asleep

- bc woojin promised to spend the day with you

- you were actually heartbroken

- he came back at 1:30 am rlly surprised you were up

- he had a terrible day daniel n the others couldn’t get the choreo down and the producer blamed him

- “babe? shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

- you didn’t answer him

- and had a small bitter smile

- “yeah. i should be. i shouldn’t have waited for you.”

- now woojin never ever snaps

- but today he was in the worst mood

- ever

- “jeez, what’s with you today?”

- and now you snapped

- “woojin, you should know what’s up with me today i’ve waited for you for now two weeks every single fucking day”

- “babe i know i’m sorry it’s just they’ve wanted a lot out of us-“

- “yeah. you want a lot of of me to wait for you. i know that. what do you think i have done?”

- “y/n i know it’s just the fans-“

- “it’s always the fans woojin, always.”

- “because they care about us. we just won at mama i don’t want to lose that streak. why can’t you understand that?”

- “woojin. i’ve been the most fucking understanding of that. i didn’t question you for shit about scandals when i sure could’ve and i always helped you when you felt stressed-“

- “people care about us, y/n. we have fans. they’re there for us.”

- oh god woojin really fucked it up now

- a small silence occurred when woojin’s eyes widened with what he said

- “babe-“

- “save it woojin.”

- “no i didn’t mean-“

- “no, i get it. i don’t have fans because i’m not an idol, so i wouldn’t get it. people care about you and the boys and not really about me. hell, they want me gone since i’m dating their bias. go date fucking lisa from blackpink or something, then!”

- “no that isn’t-“

- “save it. i’m leaving. maybe you’ll someday realize why i’m so fucking pissed after waiting for you for so damn long.”

- you walk out and slam the door

- “fine be that way!” yelled woojin

- he went to your guys’ now empty bed angry as hell

- he almost threw the picture of you two on the ground but hesitated

- you drove over to your bff’s house and slept for the night

- in the morning woojin went to practice

- and he was on snapchat

- and noticed your streak had an hourglass

- he sent you a black screen and you instantly left him on open

- he groaned

- and rolled his eyes

- and he was viewing his stories and saw daehwi’s

- it was a selfie

- “happy late birthday y/n!!!”

- woojin dropped

- wait

- it was your birthday yesterday???

- holy fuck he promised to spend the day with you

- he didn’t even get you an xmas gift cause you said that’s all you wanted

- holy fuck

- he stormed into practice

- “daehwi!!!!”

- daehwi was eating a croissant

- “woojin!!! you almost made me drop my croissant!!!”

- “dumbass bitch!!! why didn’t you tell me it was my gf’s birthday yesterday!!!!!”

- “woojin sweetie you were supposed to know this”

- “i remembered!” piped daniel holding his story too

- “shut up mr center i hope your cats die”

- “heY”

- jisung aka mom runs over

- “dUmbAsS KIDS STOP FIGHTING”

- daehwi rubbed his temples

- “y/n is soooo mad at you woojin”

- “she’s so supportive of your snaggletooth headass and you don’t see that”

- “hIs EYES ARE TOO SMALL TO SEE THAT”

- “shUT UP ONG NOBODY CARES MR I’M-28-TRYING-TO-DEBUT”

- “shUT UP YOU MAKNAE I WAS Y/N’S BIAS NOT YOURS”

- jisung blows the whistle n stops ong and woojin from fighting

- “DuMBASS WOOJIN for foRGETTING Y/N’s BDAY I’M NOT MAKING YOU FUCKIN RAMEN FOR A MONTH”

- jisung sighed

- “y/n rlly never let you see her frustrated bc you’d come home late as hell n she would always rant to me and daehwi about it and she went to (bff)’s house all night and cried”

- “how was i supposed to know!!!”

- “duMBASS biTCH I am Her SECOND COUSIN and you arE HER bOyfrieND anD I COULD TELL SHE WAS UNhAPPY BUT you COULDN’T????”

- “he has a point snaggletooth headass”

- “shut up four foot chode nobody cares sungwoon”

- “LISTEN BO-“

- “gUys shUT UP” yelled jisung

- “woojin go make up with her your dumbass fucKED UP”

- “big time!” chorused daniel holding his two cats

- woojin facepalmed

- “guys what the hell do i do i rlly did fuck up i was just so caught up on the choreo-“

- “dumbass dance machine”

- “shUT UP CAT PEDOPHILE I’M HAVING A FUCKING MOMENT”

- jisung blows his mom whistle again

- “gUYS ENOUGH FIGHTING”

- “luckily bc i’m so old and wise i have a damn plan”

- so all 11 boys shut up and crowd around

- “here’s what we are finna do bitches”

- “jisung sweetie pls don’t say finna it’s improper”

- “sorry minhyun”

- you’re at your bff’s house

- you were throwing dart’s at a pic of woojin

- until she knocks on ur door

- “hey y/n someone’s here to see you”

- “if it’s woojin i swear to-“

- “oH HI DAEHWI”

- “HI BESTIE IM HERE BITCH I GOT YOU STUFF FOR YOUR BDAY”

- “aw THANKS BITCH I SAW YOUR STORY”

- “yeAh SORRY BITCH I WAS AT PRACTICE AKDJKSD I PROMISE WE CAN EAT CHICKEN N WAFFLES SOON THO”

- “david lee ur so white”

- “i was born in LA headass”

- daehwi hands you a wrapped gift

- you coo

- “YOU REALLY ARE MY BESTIE”

- bff walks in

- “wtf y/n who’s house are you in”

- “lOVE YOU TOO (BFF’s NAME)”

- daehwi clears throat

- “anyways so”

- “get dressed”

- “we’re hanging out”

- “stop simping over the snaggletooth headass”

- “i wAS NO-“

- “bitch shut up ur listening to butterfly and spring day by bts and you’re really telling me you aren’t simping????”

- ok daehwi got you there

- so you kicked him outta ur friend’s room

- and you get dressed

- no details bc this isn’t smut

- yET

- hAHAHAHA

- anyways after twenty minutes you step out

- daehwi huffs

- “see this hair? i didn’t dye it white. it turned white waiting for your slowpoke ass”

- “shut up daehwi last time i checked i waited for you for two hours when you bumped into iu”

- “iU nOONA IS mOre IMPoRTANT”

- anyways

- daehwi flashes his signature grin

- “oK go to the living room”

- “daehwi i thought we were going out??”

- “yes going out of the room duh”

- “yOU lITTLE SHIT YOU MADE ME PUT MAKEUP FOR NOTHING WHEN IM STAYING INSIDE???”

- “y/n if you think i have money to treat you out for a day you really must be tripping”

- “daehwi stfu you deadass have tons of money after debuting don’t play with me”

- daehwi shoves you into the room anyways

- and your jaws drop

- and there you see the living room decorated

- with your favorite foods on the coffee table

- and presents

- and a chocolate cake

- and the other boys there

- besides woojin

- so daniel’s cats could be at ur bday and not your boyfriend? ok

- “HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y/N”

- “we’re really sorry we couldn’t celebrate with you on your actual birthday so we tried to make up for it” smiles jisung

- you almost broke down in tears

- because THAT IS SO SWEET

- “aw thanks guys i love you so much”

- “even if woojin hates me enough to not even want to celebrate my bday LOL it’s okay.”

- guanlin awkwardly coughed

- “uh look behind you”

- lo and behold

- park woojin is behind you holding 10 bouquets of red roses

- bby boy is almost falling bc he carried all of them

- you’re kind of taken aback

- because who wouldn’t be??

- “i’m sorry that i couldn’t wish you happy birthday with them i had to run to like five florists cause turns out everyone ran out of red roses”

- he hands you one bouquet and other boys scramble to help him

- “i’m really sorry that i fucked up and forgot that it was your birthday it was honestly such a dick move of me-“

- “HE ALSO CALLED ME A FOUR FOOT CHODE”

- “shUT UP SUNGWOON”

- “and i really took you for granted and i feel terrible because i need to remember that they’re fans, and though i’m in their hearts..you’re in mine. i’m scared of losing you because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and i promise i never ever forgot about that”

- “and like roses are what i gave you on our first date and i know they can’t do too much to make you forgive me but i remembered you love them and you honestly deserve the world”

- and woojin has tears in his eyes and takes one hand and tries to wipe his tears and now he’s blubbering

- “i totally understand if you hate me and wanna break up i support your decision either way i’m so so sorry for being such a dick-“

- SEEING WOOJIN BAWL WAS TOO MUCH SO YOU JUST KISSED HIM

- he was shocked at first but he leaned down just a little bit

- “idiot i forgive you”

- “w-wait really”

- “BITCH YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO REJECT HIM”

- “shUT UP DAEHWI”

- “nO YOU SHUT YOU COYOTE LOOKING ASS I BET $10.00 ON THIS WITH ONG”

- before woojin went to go fight daehwi you laughed

- and he looked at you with a small smile

- ft his little snaggletooth

- and daniel brings out the cake and they start singing

- BUT then woojin’s eyes shoot up

- “wAIT DONT START I FORGOT SOMETHING”

- he hands you the roses and grabs a little box out of his pocket

- “here open it”

- “woojin we’re too young to get married-“

- “nonONONO NOT THAT NOT THAT”

- he turns bright red

- “i-i mean not like i don’t wanna m-marry you i-it’s just”

- you open it

- it’s a promise ring!!! the one that you told woojin how pretty it was two months ago!!!!

- “woojin!!!! this is really expensive you know i was like kidding right!!!!”

- “well like you deserve the world so i’m trying to give it to you”

- “and like it’s my promise to you to never treat you less than perfect”

- “and that i promise to put you before my career”

- all the boys coo

- and daniel is huffing bc the cake is rlly heavy and he wants to goddamn sing already so he can set it down

- so you sing!

- and all is well!

- and woojin puts an arm around your waist and kisses your forehead

- “happy late birthday babe, i love you.”

[miu-paras]

Lvl. 5 ⋮ Red // Final Chapter

October 5th, 2019. 11:50 AM. ♪ - Sidewalks and Skeletons / Above (Part 1) | Disasterpeace / Vignette: Corruption (Part 2)

Several things happened when I got back to Earth.

First thing I did was panic.

A natural response, really. It had clearly been a fucked up night, one that only got worse the longer it went on. We had an entire army of android police on our asses, not to mention all the hitmen on Pixul’s side out to get us after the stunt we pulled.

We stole everything. Every device, every piece of gear, weapons, modifications, or tools at their disposal were gone. At least from her grasp, anyway. Now, they were here on Earth, surrounding us in scattered piles on the floor. All because I wanted Pixul, Vex, and the thing that tried to turn my mind into pudding to go through as much agony as they put me through. It was worth it, yes. But it left a disaster at our feet, that at first sight seemed impossible to fix.

Second, Spike and I worked hard to clean up the mess we made in the shooting range. Once I was done muttering about how my sensei was most definitely going to kill me, I shaped Red into a rolling cart large enough to carry the stolen artillery. It took several trips and significant manpower, with me pulling the cart with my mind and Spike pushing with all four arms and every ounce of Talurian strength he could muster, but we successfully managed to smuggle everything into an abandoned city building blocks away from the training space. It had a basement level luckily, and we were able to unload our hefty boon there for the time being. Until I could figure out something better, at least.

Third, I armed both my own home and most of the city with deadzoners. It took some time to figure out the algorithm, and Red had to offer assistance throughout the process, but I was eventually able to finish the custom programming, effectively making Tokyo a massive blindspot. My location could no longer receive transporter signals. I didn’t want anyone from Nuva being able to simply beam their way into my home again, let alone finding our cache of Pixul’s stolen goods.

Pixul…

Part of me wondered how angry she’d be when she found out what happened. Not just our escape, but her stash as well.

And another part of me wondered if she was even alive. How could she be? Not after we…

Enough of that.

Fourth, I raided the conbini and the outdoor supply store for as many goods and utilities as I could get my hands on. Food, sleeping bags, blankets, lanterns, anything that would help Spike feel more at ease. He refused to stay at my place, no matter how many times I offered.

“Someone has to keep watch over all this stuff,” he kept saying. I wouldn’t argue, of course. I was too tired to after the night we had. I’d eventually have some questions to ask about… all of this. But for now, that wasn’t the priority.

Fifth, I went to bed. And I slept like a fucking baby. For at least 24 hours.

That was, until the memories flooded my head again. Memories of Kalar lost in a fit of violence and rage, obsession blinding them from everything else. Memories of my mother fighting them. Of my mother… killing someone. And from that memory blossomed another, one equally disturbing. And another. And another.

My mother, my ima, was an assassin. More than just that, really… they were a harbinger of death.

I couldn’t sleep anymore after that.

It was a few days after the incident. I’d taken time to relax, as did Spike, whose real name I still hadn’t learned. I focused on work, on my beautiful girlfriend, my family, my friends. Anything that could somehow help distract from the fact that hundreds of stolen alien weapons were hiding in a basement somewhere in Tokyo under the watchful eye of a four-armed stranger who would absolutely eviscerate anyone that tried to touch it.

But now I was here, sitting cross-legged in the center of that basement floor, with Spike sitting across from me. Finally, a chance to talk. To figure out what our next move was.

And who the hell he was.

“Let’s start with your name, maybe?” I asked, breaking the pregnant silence between us. Spike straightened in response, eyes that stared aimlessly at the floor suddenly shooting up in my direction as he cleared his throat.

“I’m Sai. Short for Sai’xhanzi,” he began, “Born and raised in the slums of Gan’em.”

“And you… work for Pixul? Or used to? Or never did…?” I tilted my head slightly.

He shook his head in response. “Ah… the last one. I’ve got my own group… one that’s been fighting against Pixul and the many crime bosses in Gan’em like her for a long time.”

My interest piqued; an eyebrow quirked in response. Instinctively, I leaned in, waiting for more information.

Sai sighed, shaking his head again before continuing, as if searching for the right words to articulate his thoughts. “I’m from a street gang, known as Xh’andor. ‘Vitriol’ in your language. But we’re not like the other gangs in Nuva… we’re here to protect the slums.” A sternness entered his voice as he stared back at me. “For a long time, our communities have been torn apart by gang wars, violence, dirty black-market dealings, and corporations pushing us out of our homes. Most folks don’t have the means to recover, and just end up homeless, jobless, in debt, or worse… after a while, after seeing so many suffer at the hands of corruption, losing their livelihoods to the violence and devastation they never asked to be a part of… I just couldn’t take it.”

Sai stood, slowly pacing around the room, perhaps restless now that the difficult memories of his home resurfaced in his mind. He stared mindlessly at the stacks of weapons splayed out all around us, head turning only slightly in my direction. “I formed Vitriol to fight against corruption. To be the answer to all the madness that seemed endless… we stuck to local gangs for a while. Intercepting smuggled cargo, thwarting ambushes, engaging in all-out fights if we had to. We stole from megacorps too—whatever tech we could get our hands on… but lately, we’ve fallen pretty low on resources. Not enough to help those we promised to defend, and certainly not enough to continue the fight. Those of us with prosthetics were at a disadvantage as well, with our own limbs failing us from time to time. Things got rough, so… we had to change our tactics.”

He turned to face me fully this time. “I decided to go undercover, act as a double agent underneath one of the biggest distributers in Nuva’s underground trade. That’s when I found out about the giant weapons cache… and that’s when I found out about you.”

I blinked, suddenly wary about where the story was going. Sai could tell, and they immediately moved closer, dropping to a knee so they were eye-level. “I need your help, Miu. You’re a genius, from what I’ve heard, and from what I’ve seen. I know you were the one to disable the deadzoners. I saw how you defended yourself against the Vaanen. And then there’s your stunts in Talur… you’re… you’re exactly what we’ve been searching for.”

He paused again, the sigh he released more tapered this time. He was nervous. He was trying. Begging.

“You’re not a weapons dealer, I get that. You don’t want to be involved in all this, I get that too… but think of all the good you could do. Think of what we could do to more people like Pixul. Like Vex. People that only want to cause more suffering. I swear to you… your inventions will only be used for good. That’s something Pixul couldn’t promise you.”

I had to admit he gave a good pitch. Better than the vague, sinister one I received from Pixul, at least. But I was still on edge. Conducting business with him meant connecting myself with Nuva further. And last I checked, we were on Gan’em Most Wanted list before we high-tailed it the fuck out of there.

“How do I know this won’t put me in more danger?” I asked, my own voice now matching his sternness. “We angered one of the biggest gangs in Nuva. The Vaanen know our faces, and no doubt are hunting us down as we speak. There’s no safe place for you—for us—to conduct any sort of business with this big of a target on our backs. Besides, I… I’m not the genius you think I am…” I frowned, my gaze lowering slightly.

He huffed once, only quirking his brow with a half-smile. “You could’ve fooled me.”

The comment was enough to almost bring a smile to my face, one that would’ve matched his had I not shook my head and sighed. Slowly, I could feel myself being won over, but something still held me back from being pulled over the edge and onto his side, still sheltering me away from full acceptance. Like a pendulum off rhythm, or a scale out of balance. Something was… off. Uneven.

Something needed to give.

“Thanks for saving my life,” I said, offering a soft smile.

“You saved mine,” He shrugged. “We’re even now.”

My smile faded. “No. We’re not. Because now you’re asking for something else.”

He frowned as well, a brow raised to me. “W-well, I—”

“Y’know, prior to the beginning this year, there wasn’t much in my life I had to worry about. Other than my job, my loved ones, or whatever tournament I had in the coming days or weeks or months, I managed to live a pretty carefree life… until now. Now?? I have aliens up the fucking wazoo, and it seems like they only ever want something from me. Build them a bomb. Build them a mech. Build them bombs and mechs en masse until my arms fall off like I’m some god damn one-woman factory and nothing else! But has anyone ever stopped to say ‘Hey, Miu. What do you need’? NO! Because it has never once occurred to anyone that I came to Nuva with my own problems, my own questions, most of which are still largely unanswered and now have more problems tacked onto them. But no one, not a single fucking person, has so much as tried to give a SHIT!”

Now I was the one pacing, going back and forth while I ranted, and while a surprised Sai did nothing but stare in silence. I paused in my back and forth to take a breath, knowing if I’d gone on for any longer that lightning would be shooting from every inch of my body. Massaging the bridge of my nose, I finally sat down again with a sigh, eventually meeting Sai’s stunned face once my expression was calm.

“I respect what you’re doing. A lot. I really do. And… I do want to help you… in fact, I will. But you need to promise to do something for me first.”

Sai did nothing but nod this time. “Whatever it is, I’ll do my best.”

“Well first off, you’ll need to supply me.” I tipped my head towards the pile of weapons, gear, and materials, “Pixul’s shitty guns will help us get by for a while, but if you’re operating on a much bigger scale… I’ll eventually need more.”

Sai stared at the massive pile as well, then nodded once. “No problem at all. I wholly intend to.”

Glad to see we were still on the same page. Now I just needed to hope I wouldn’t lose him with my next request.

“I also… I need you to find someone for me.” I stated nervously, my leg bouncing rapidly as I continued, “Their name is Iannis. They, uhh… well, they were a server at Pixul’s club? Long, curly white hair, in braids. They had… strange scars on one side of their face…? Pixul had them sent away, and… I need to find them. Does any of this ring a bell at all?”

Sai was silent for a while, brows knitted together as they stared pensively down at their lap. The silence from him only lasted seconds, but I felt my heart beater faster longer it went.

He shook his head, his gaze settling on mine once more. There was a look in his eyes, one that seemed mournful. Regretful.

I felt my heart sink immediately.

“I was there… when they were taken away. They were, umm… quite the fighter. So I helped to pin them down.” He was averting his gaze now, eyes searching for anything else to stare at, as if the shame was too heavy to face, my judgement too scary to acknowledge.

“The Makalden… wasn’t able to sedate them somehow, so… we took care of it. Then they were dragged out, and that was that. As to where that was… um...” He shook his head. “This isn’t the first time Pixul’s had people… sent off. And it’s always the same place. The one place no one could get in, or out…”

He met my eyes again, stern and unwavering yet the regret still lingered. I swallowed, feeling the sadness in my heart being replaced with fear.

“It’s Vano.”

[ Oh no… ]

{ Where’s Vano…? Is that bad? }

[ It’s a civilization to the north. They are completely closed off from the rest of Ulteria due to the region’s high prevalence of Stormers. Not to mention, their sectors are heavily fortified and fragmented across the continent. No one gets in. And even if we could, it’d be like searching for “a needle in a haystack,” as the saying goes. ]

“So that means…”

[ Iannis may be lost to us. ]

“Oh fuck… Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I groaned, head falling into my hands as I fought back to urge to scream and cry. After everything I’d gone through—that we’d gone through—to get to this point… it’d be all for nothing.

“Is there any way you can… I dunno… figure out exactly which sector they were sent to? And who’s holding her? If there is a ‘who’?”

Sai shook his head again. “I could try, but… that’s information only Pixul would know. That and Vex. And whoever they had organize your friend’s relocation.”

My head shot up immediately, the defeated expression wiped clean from my features at the sound of Sai’s last words. “Someone else organized her trip to Vano…” I mumbled beneath my breath, "That’s it then! You just need to find whoever it was and get an answer out of them. It shouldn’t be that hard, right? They’ve gotta be lower down the ladder than Pixul and Vex—”

“They’re traffickers, Miu,” Sai cut me off, “These are dangerous people. I’d be putting my own operation in danger. My own people in danger. Even if there was a chance I could find your friend, I have fewer connections now than I did then. Not to mention, the Vaanen are out on the hunt for us. We have to wait for things to die down before I can do anything.”

I frowned, crumpling into myself like a deflated balloon in the wind, that defeated feeling almost returning. “But you’ll still do it… right? When things die down…?”

Sai let out a heavy sigh. He paced momentarily, hands on his hips, before facing me again. I looked up at him with hopeful eyes, waiting with bated breath for an answer. For a tiny sliver of hope to come and wash away all my worries. Desperately wanting to know I could do something right for once. To finally feel closer to getting the answers I need.

Maybe someone heard my wish.

“…I’ll see what I can do.”

I couldn’t stop myself from leaping to my feet, or from wrapping my arms around my new companion, clinging to him with all the strength I could muster. Sai was more than thrown off by my sudden affection, enough that I almost broke through his stoic demeanor. Four hands reached up to pat my back gently, and I could practically hear the soft smile he bore suddenly widen.

“It’s… the least I can do. You’re doing a lot more for me, anyway.”

I pulled away finally, nodding once with a smile of my own, though it fades once my eyes landed on the pile of weapons once more.

“I’ll need tools… and more metal. Bring me everything your people have in terms of equipment.” I began making my way around the room in circles, surveying the walls, the ceiling, the entrance. “It isn’t much as far as secret bases go, but… this will have to make do.”

“So that’s it then?” Sai asked, tension returning to his body as he held out a hand towards me, “We have a deal…?”

Trepidation crept over me, as if it was only now that I realized—truly realized—just what I was getting myself into. But there was no pulling out now.

And I didn’t want to.

I approached him, palm sliding into his as I gave his hand a squeeze.

“Deal.”

Ascension. Corruption. Dissent.

Do not become attached to the things of this world, for there are many more.

One and two, becomes three.

Three, two, one. One, two three.

The third holds the power…

The third… the third…

This is my last memory of the shar— [ MEMORY REDACTED ].

More than that… this is my last memory of Kalar.

They recited those words like a mantra. Over and over, without any sign of exhaust. And they don’t look uneasy as they do so. There is no sign of tension or anxiety. The unhinged glint in their eye that was present during Ghivussi’s execution is nowhere to be found. In fact, Kalar looked… relaxed. As poised and collected as they usually were, all while repeating those words over and over and over again.

Ascension. Corruption. Dissent.

Ascension. Corruption. Dissent.

Over and over. Without fail…

Things always seemed to come in threes.

Three words. Three worlds.

Three commands. Three prophecies.

Three…

The riddle was maddening.

And yet, my tsanagar seemed to have worked their way through it. Because today, they approached every new step with more confidence than the one before it. They were filled with a new determination. They knew exactly what to do, and exactly how they were to do it. As if it were the only mission with any purpose to them. As if it were all they had left.

Night. The 36th hour of Sandis Errmis.

Kalar grasps the [ MEMORY REDACTED ].

It glows upon contact, the device vibrating in their hand, heating up as the light it emitted became more and more intense. The light burns through the Minister’s palm; my healing manages to mend the seared flesh in equal pace, allowing Kalar to maintain their grasp. Over time, the whispers returned again, as did those three commands. Three steps to follow. Three prophecies to fulfill.

One of death.

The mysterious passing of Salas. Then the murder of Malvas. Umvis’ demise was unforeseen, but clearly tied to it all. Then there was Ghivussi’s execution. Death… death was prophesied. But the question of why still loomed over me like a specter.

One of cycles.

The cycle of loneliness. Salas is lonely. An outsider in Essa, or so it seemed. They cling to Vasniar as an escape, as a connection to the home the once had. An obsession they later carefully instilled in their child. Kalar, already feeling disconnected from their peers, clings to their religious beliefs, as it was the only thing left connecting them to their late ima. Faith and isolation, only strengthened by [ MEMORY REDACTED ]. Worsened by the loss of their greatest love.

The cycle of violence. It runs through the Aedonnoe bloodline. Malvas continues it, with cutting words, stringent teachings, and far too harsh reprimands. Kalar keeps to tradition with their own children—in some ways worse than their ima. Unable to break away from the only form of love they’ve known. The only form that seemed to have any permanence, as kindness always seemed to kill.

The cycle of… cycles. Of never-ending loops. Fates we cannot avoid no matter what steps we take. A butterfly effect, yet all the dominos fall in the exact same order, at the exact same place, each and every time.

But what was the third…

Kalar stares deep into the [ MEMORY REDACTED ], light filling their pupils as radiating colors danced across their face. And as it happened, the whispers grew louder. And louder. And deeper. So much, one could feel the ground beneath their feet tremble with each passing word.

And there it was…

One of rebirth.

[ MEMORY REDACTED ]

No…

[ MEMORY REDACTED ]

I’m so close…

[ MEMORY REDACTED ]

[ MEMORY REDACTED ]

There has to be something here… anything. One last thing…

[ MEMORY REDACTED ]

[ MEMORY REDACTED ]

[ MEMORY REDACTED ]

[ M-MEMORY REDACTED ]

[[ MMEMORY REDAACTED ]

[ [[ MM-ME[MOR[[RRY RRREEDD[[ACTE—

…Darkness…

Darkness, and then light.

Something is different. This memory… it does not feel like something I databased. It does not feel like anything pulled from Kalar’s own mind. No… this wasn’t like that at all.

This was all mine. My own memory. One buried deep within the recesses of my programming, underneath years and years of service to my wielder. Devoid of tampering, of holes or missing pieces. It was as clear as day. A mind—mymind—freed from any connection.

Freed from Kalar, who sat before me, meters away.

It was an odd feeling. Like being a turtle ambling about without a shell. A moth just as it emerges from its cocoon, awkward and uncoordinated in its flight. I have lived my whole life, whole centuries, tied to this person. And now I am without them, freeform and floating in an ethereal space. Nothing about it felt right. If anything, it was rather… scary.

I was afraid. Terrified. Yet the closer I came to my tsanagar, the more I realized they weren’t. They were still just as at peace as they were before we ended up in this strange place. As if they expected it—wantedit

As if it were prophesied to them.

“One of cycles…”

The cycle of loss.

I was inches away from them now, and I settled my incorporeal form beside them. Their eyes were on me. Those piercing, icy white eyes that seemed so calm, so filled with a tranquility they’d been vacant of most of their life. Perhaps this was all they were seeking—to be at peace with themselves. To be free of the isolation. The fighting. The inescapable loops. Free of their fate.

Yet still… it felt like more than that.

A smile graced their lips, and their hand stretched towards me, fingertips just grazing past my spectral form.

“I will miss you, Kalonis.” They spoke my old name softly. A sadness began to swell within me at the words, and for a second I thought if I was capable of mustering it, tears would be coating my ghostly face.

Their hand pulls away from me, their smile fading as they turned their attention forward once more. The shard appeared in their palm, its triangular form glowing and pulsating more and more as Kalar’s grasp grew more firm. Beneath us, the ground began to shift and rumble, growing more violent with each passing second. But Kalar seemed undeterred, their arm trembling as they maintained their grip on the device, which was now shifting color. Darker tones filled their crystalline surface, purple, pink, and blue shades turning darker as they swirled around black, mixing to change their hues. Underneath Kalar, cracks began to form in the ground that previously had seemed like an empty, white void, splintering further and stretching past my tsanagar. The more it spider-webbed, the more I was certain we would fall through. Instead, the crevices opened further, making way for dark, inky fronds that slowly rose from the void, latching themselves onto Kalar like vines, snaking around her limbs and waist and constricting with all its might.

It was a sight that looked all too painful, but the Minister was unphased. My tsanagar was calm, at peace despite the chaos unfolding.

The price to pay for the power they wielded was death, and they accepted it.

 [ M-MEMORY CORRUPT ]

The tendrils coiled around them fully now, nothing left in sight but the band that decorated their head, and the shard they grasped in their palm, now completely blackened and dull. It was then that the booming voice returned.

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

The voice grew louder and louder, repeating its commands over and over until Kalar had memorized it enough to whispers the words alongside it. And with the words came visions, images flashing in front of my vision before quickly disappearing. They were hard to discern, and even harder to make sense of.

That is, until the voices reached me as well.

THE TRANSGRESSOR PERISHES.

THE EXILED BEARS THE SUN.

ONE AND TWO, BECOMES THREE…

“The third holds the power in the end,” Kalar finishes.

An image flashes before my eyes. A barren wasteland, darkness blanketing where a great civilization once stood. Now it was all in ruins in ashes, and only shadows remained. Shadows and tendrils, jutting from the earth.

Another flash. A child falls upwards into the sky. Light radiates from every inch of them, pouring from their fingertips, their eyes, their mouth. They let out a mangled scream, one that carries until their back hits the ground—foreign ground—as the light around glowing more and more furiously.

Another flash. The child is old now. In their mouth, they carry an apple, held in place by their teeth. In their right palm rests a Maladian pine fruit. The left palm remains empty, that is until the light leaves their form, their ethereal glow replaced now with a dull, solemn statue of stone, and their left palm now heavy with the same fruit.

A final flash. The light wanders aimlessly through a shroud of darkness. Black clouds snuff out any other form of illumination, and the same black tendrils lash out in an attempt to grab or kill the glowing orb. But they do not prevail. For the light is safe. It is home. And it is waiting.

Suddenly I am pulled away from Kalar.

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

The distance between us grows, as some unknown force continued tugging me away, rapidly at first then slowly. Slow enough to watch them fade away from me. As if they were ceasing to exist.

Slowly into darkness I fell.

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

We returned to reality, me back in my metal form, Kalar back to sitting in the center of their quarters, our minds connected once more. They breathed heavily, their panting quickened as they stared wide-eyed at their palms, now blistered and scarred.

[ What… ]

“…Have I done?”

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

This is how it ends, isn’t it?

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

This is how it all ends.

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

I’m sorry, Kalar… my tsanagar… my friend…

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

[ MEMORY CORRUPT ]

Goodbye.