#i shouldnt have put this in my drafts. i regret writing this

[bloodtwin]

@accultant // continued from here.

        HAD  THEY  ALWAYS  BEEN  so sassy with him ？ No. No, certainly not any time recently. He would not have allowed such a thing. ( He almost does not allow it now. Almost snaps back at them, but he swallows the bark before it bites. )  

        When they were children, maybe. He knows they used to tease him, but that isn’t the same thing as being sassy. Snappy. Within the privacy of his tent, Puck lets himself frown, for he cannot remember.

If he cannot remember, then that aspect of their youth, of Iago’s younger self & their personality, is lost forever. For a moment, Puck feels as if he’s been kicked to the ground, a giant’s boot weighing heavily on his chest. It cracks his ribs. Crushes his heart. He allows the feeling to wash over him, for it may give him even a sliver of understanding. 

He has, once again, stripped his own twin of another piece of their identity. ( He is always trampling over Iago. Cracking their ribs with his boot. ) He has so thoroughly rinsed them of any semblance of individuality that it startles him each time he catches a glimpse of who they used to be. 

        Of course, they had to forget him entirely for those glimpses to even exist. 

        A pretty bug. That’s all. They only want to show him a pretty bug they found. It’s endearing ; it’s sickening. It makes him want to cry. He doesn’t know when the last time they wanted to show him something so simple. 

There was a time once when they were little, though it likely wasn’t the last incident like it, where Iago showed Puck a worm they found & he ate it just to watch their nose scrunch up in disgust before they both started to laugh. Did they remember that before they forgot it all ？ Would they ever remember it ？

Bitterly, Puck wishes he didn’t remember. He never used to think about any of this, but now it’s all he can think about. Every time Iago looks at him but doesn’t see him, he thinks about their childhood. Every time they speak to him like he’s a stranger, he realizes just how much they’ve left behind & just how little he’s actually retained of it. And he’s the one who has to, now. 

Puck realizes he hasn’t answered them. They’re still waiting outside, and he hasn’t answered them. Briefly, he thinks about not answering at all, but he must have changed his mind without informing himself because he’s already opening the flap to his tent. 

Tense silence as he stares at Iago. His eyes flick from their face to their hands where the moth must be hiding before returning to their face. 

        ❝ Show me. ❞ He hates how cold his own voice sounds. 

[playing-soldier-4077]

"Everyones on stage for the finale!"

Meet the cast!

"Somone will have to get me pregnant first." -Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce

Background: Surgeon from Crabapple Cove, Maine. Drafted into the Korean War, he hates the army. Currently the senior member of the 4077th MASH, having been stationed there the longest.

Rank: Captian, Cheif surgeon

Gender: Male, occasionally uses female titles

Sexuality: Bisexual with plausible deniability

Height: 6'2"

Age: 32

Relationship status: Single

Character warnings: Alcoholic, somwhat of a misogynist/womanizer (recovering), jokes about his truama (has a lot of truama). Bi-polar (Though at the time its referred to as manic depression. Also undiagnosed. Anyway the warning is he has manic episodes somtimes)

"We'll be the ones with our hands on the bible." - Trapper John McIntyre

Background: Surgeon from Boston Massachusetts, he was drafted into the Korean War. Developed an extraordinarily close relationship with hawkeye, before getting his orders to go back stateside. With much regret the only message he leaves for hawkeye is a kiss through the company clerk. They never got to see eachother off.

Rank: Civilian (Former Captian)

Gender: Male

Sexuality: yes please

Height: 6'3"

Age: 30

Relationship status: married

Character warnings: fruiquent adulterer, womanizer, alcoholic.

"I have this strange aversion to being away from my family!" -BJ Hunnicutt

Background: Fresh from residency, BJ finds he's been drafted as an army doctor. He has to leave behind his months old daughter and his wife to work meatball surgery at the 4077th MASH. He meets Hawkeye soon after landing, and they become quick friends. They're attatched at the waist, borderline codependent, and BJ doesnt know how he would've handled life in Korea if he hadn't met Hawkeye.

Rank: Captian

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Repressed

Height: 6'4"

Age: 29

Relationship status: Married

Character warnings: Anger issues, bottles emotions, alcoholic(functioning. mostly.) Does not know when the bit has gone too far; may subject you to pranks (psychological warfare.) Accepting to queer people despite the times, but has internalized homophobia. Has a lot of internalized everything. Very repressed individual.

"Im afraid of Lobsters." -Sidney Freedman

Background: Sidney Freedman works as a psychiatrist, and volunteered to join the Army as one. Though he never signed his loyalty agreement, and values his paitents over the rules of the military, he is still veiwed as a valuable field therapist.

Rank: Major

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Gay

Height: 5' 9"

Age: 43

Relationship status: Married (Lavender)

Character warnings: Makes jokes about his line of work. Canon example: "I'm going to commit suicide." -got a bad poker hand.

Despite the occasional joke, he does take his job very seriously. If this type of joke is a trigger and you still want to interact with the character, just tell me and I'll be sure not to make any :]

Things to note!

These characters, while progressive, are from the 1950s. They may say or do insensitive things.

(If I take this too far, do tell me. I dont intend to play into this much if at all, I just wanted to put the warning up. Please tell me if I write somthing I shouldnt, I struggle with knowing when to stop occasionally. This probobly wont be an issue, but the possibility is worth warning for I think)

[zxddy-panther]

Blessed

A/N: Hey guysss! I really feel so bad for not writing at all but I finally have something out for you guys. For all those who are still wondering, yes I am still going to write my Summer Walker inspired BP series. I just have to get all these drafts posted for yall before I post them. This one kind of took a while so I hope you all enjoy it. Also if you want to read all my stories I do have a masterlist posted but all my works are on my wattpad (@zxddy_panther)

Erik X Black!reader

Summary: A breakup between you and Erik has led you both into a deep hole of despair but there is still a light at the end of the tunnel.

Warning: Self harm, depression, some fluff later on

 You wandered the rainy streets of Albany with your dark hoodie, walking slowly in despair. Body slouched and face drooping with sorrow, your mind replaying the moments of weeks ago. The yelling, the harsh words, the tears, and worst of all: the breakup. The relationship truly wasn't bad but you woke up to the harsh reality that it was you. It was your own mind that was pressuring you to believe things that weren't true, that weren't real. It ultimately broke your relationship and you had no one to blame but yourself. It has become your biggest and deepest regret letting him go because you truly did love this man.    

You loved Erik Stevens but you just didn't know if he loved you too.      

*****    

The key allowed access to your cold, dark apartment as you tracked your wet rain boots onto your floor. You slipped them off and set them near the door and headed towards the bathroom, ready to commit yourself to the same miserable regime. Turning on the lights and looking forward, you stared into the eyes of a now lost soul. You were disgusted by the person in the mirror because THEY ruined your conscience. THEY ruined your self esteem and THEY ruined your relationship but you soon realized that they.....is you. Your eyes welled with tears as you threw off your damp sweater and opened the drawer under the sink. Grabbing the razor you quickly put it against the skin of your arm and pulled back with speed. Your actions slowed as you watched the dark red blood begin to rise up from the long cut along your brown skin. A numb feeling washed over you as you continued the motion over and over and over again. Place, push, and drag. Place, push, and drag.

You looked down at your numb and bloody arm with tears streaming down your face. Tear drops fell onto the many wounds and made you hiss in pain. "I've gotta get this shit cleaned up" you thought. Your body makes its way towards the bathtub to fill it with warm water. After you removed all your clothes you looked at yourself once more in the mirror. The now scarred lines that ran across your thighs and your new stripes shone red all across your arm. This will always remind you that you deserved this. Your head slowly turned back to the tub that was done filling up, you headed towards it. Placing one leg after another into the bath water, you allowed yourself to completely submerge yourself in the liquid and drowned yourself in utter silence.    

*******    

Its been about 40 minutes since you started staring at the ceiling fan in your room just mindlessly thinking. You felt so empty and physically drained from all the tears and emotions that you have been letting out. A silent buzzing from your phone woke you from your trance. You rolled on your bed towards your night stand and grabbed the phone to check who was calling you. The caller ID read: Erik. Everything froze and your world stood completely still. You were shocked and had no idea what to do as your hands shook frantically. The vibrating stopped and you took a look at your phone again to see that you had 10 missed calls from him prior to this. "How did I not hear this?" you thought to yourself. "Do I call him back?" The ring quickly started back up and you hit the answer button as fast as you could. Putting the phone to your ear, you took a deep breath and spoke for the first time in weeks.    

"Hello?" you whispered. All that could be heard was ragged breathing on the other line. You sat and listened, waiting for any type of response.    

A hushed "Y/N?" came from the other side. Your eyes shot opened and your heart rate increased.    

"Yes Erik...."    

"Y/N.." you waited. "I-I need you please. Im freaking out baby please come back I cant do this without you. I need you here with me Y/N. Please come back to me."    

You quickly ended the call and shot up from your bed. Throwing on some clothes, you headed towards the kitchen and grabbed your car keys.    

*******      

You arrived at Erik's door step feeling crazy for even doing this. You fumbled with your keys to find his spare house key still attached. Inserting the key into the lock, turning it, and pushing the door open you were greeted with a body curled up in corner of the living room. Erik was rocking himself back and forth, sobbing, repeatedly saying your name. You used your foot to close the door and his head shot up.    

He looked just as tired and drained as you. His once beautifully braided locs were now frizzed and out of braids. Dark brown bags surrounded his eyes as if he hasn't slept for days. You slowly walked towards him while he rose to his feet. The two of you kept your distance, standing awkwardly in the middle of his living room, until his eyes met yours. When your eyes locked it was like your emotions were also in sync with one another. You watched his eyes start to well up and his face begin to distort as he tried to hold his tears back. Closing the distance, you began to walk towards him and cupped your hand on his cheek. His eyes slowly closed as he leaned into your touch, allowing his tears to finally fall.    

"Baby..." he let out. "I-I need you in my life. Its like I-I." His hands began to shake as he brought them up, clenching his fists." Its like I cant live without you Y/N. I don't want to live without you." He looked down and quickly grabbed your hands to hold. "What happened? What happened to us? Was it me? Because if it was I swear to Bast that I'll fix it just- just give me another chance" The volume of his voice started to pick up. "Please come back to me Y/N." His hands gradually rose up to grab your arms softly but, even his gentle touch caused great pain to your wounds. You snatched your arms away and hissed in pain. He looked up at you with a confused look plastered on his face.       

Erik had a feeling to what was going on but, he just didnt want to belive it. You promised him months ago that you wouldn't revert back to hurting yourself. He prayed that he was wrong but  lifting up your sleeves revealed the harsh red lines across your arms. He closed his eyes as more tears fell from his droppy eyes.    

"Y/n. Did I do this to you?" He brought his hand up to your face and brushed your tear away with his thumb.     

"No no. It wasnt you Erik. It was never you." You decided that it was time to let him know the truth. The weight that you've been carrying on your shoulders has gotten heavy enough.    

*********    

"Y/N...Im sorry. I shouldnt have left-" You placed a finger over his lips which stopped his words. Your eyes took him in again once more. His skin and lips still as soft as you remembered. The message was clear as day when the two of you locked eyes. Erik took your face in his hands once and placed his lips on yours. Both of your lips moved in sync while tears came streaming down your faces. He slowly sucked on your bottom lip and let out a small sigh. He missed this. He missed you.    

You pulled away for breath but held fast to his body.      

"No Erik. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I made you feel like this. That I made you feel like this was all your fault when it wasn't. It was mine. I was always so insecure about how you truly felt about me and-" Tears started to choke you up but this time you let them fall. You were so tired of holding back your feelings and thoughts. "And I always felt like you didn't love me as much as I love you."    

The phrase replayed itself in his mind. This was the first time that anyone had said that they loved him. His troubled past had put him in the mindset that he could never be loved. Today was the day that he was finally proven wrong. He always knew that he had a great girl who always found time to see him, even in the worst circumstances. Someone who was always down for him, and someone who would never leave his side.

You heard him begin to chuckle as his smile spread across his face. You looked up at him confused, feeling stupid for confessing your deepest feelings.    

"Whatever Erik" You began to turn away from him and started heading towards the door until he grabbed your hand, pulling you back into his chest. He looked down at you while resting his hand on the small of your back. His dark ember eyes starred deeply into yours, unraveling you as you stood.    

"If only you knew how much I love you. I'm so blessed to have you in my life but I need you to know that-" He brought his face closer to yours, looking from your lips to your eyes. " I love you more than words can say."    

(Please message/repost to let me know if you want to be on the taglist because im still tagging random people :/ )

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