#i shouldnt be glad that sewerslidal and depressed makoto actually like fully real but. yknow

[petorahs]

this literally proves that Makoto had less than pleasant thoughts about life after his parents died like I literally almost cried reading this response... everytime I feel like I'm reading too much into his character I'll remember this. "Because I know how it feels."

for context, Ken in the remake has a particular aspect in his character emphasized... [under read more are spoilers for his first two linked episodes, as well as discussions of suicidal ideation and depression].

in the original, it was made explicitly clear that Ken was going to avenge his mother's death by killing Shinjiro (who was as he deemed responsible) and then killing himself, because life will have no meaning to him beyond that. he's also a kid in elementary school.

in the remake, we find out that this manifests in several ways. first, he does not allow himself to enjoy things anymore, because that would mean he'd be too attached to his life he's going to throw away soon. when Makoto treats him to a hearty meal, he pauses after exclaiming that "it was delicious!", and that he "can't say things like that". food, one of life's simplest joys, has to be paltry to him. he has to focus on the mission. kinda like a robot.

secondly, he frequently regards things with a set time limit. a classmate invites him to the soccer team in October, but he declines (he was planning to kill himself on the 4th of that month, sorry, can't make it). he asks for Makoto's help to take care of his beloved pet hamster, because he knows he won't be around to. he's literally taking care of his own unsettled affairs like a dead boy walking. not making promises he can't keep (a lovely parallel to Shinjiro's upright advice to not break promises in his own 1st linked episode)

from this it can also be seen that Ken's obsession towards wanting to "seem mature" translates to "not wanting to be a burden", because no one took his problems seriously. just because he's a kid, doesn't mean these thoughts can't plague him. it's also because wanting to die makes people feel like they're taking up too much space. so, to do everyone a favor, disappearing would be optimal. (source: my own old thoughts...)

a common thought process of depressed people is indifference to their own future, like "I don't know if I'll make it past 20 years old" for example. Shinjiro and Ken both have said a variation of this. they know neither of them are making it past October 4th. they have a ticking clock over their heads at all times.

and... apparently. what gets me is that Makoto of all people understands this. understands exactly what Ken is going through. that feeling of needing to isolate yourself because "they won't get it" or "i'm just a burden", of needing to be calm cool and collected at all times, of not caring about the future because you don't see one for yourself, that life literally has no meaning and there's no purpose to it- Makoto understands what it feels like to be overwhelmed by that much dread.

he's empathetic and kind, but has awkward ways of showing it. he extends his hands to those that are in clearly bad shape when no one wants to. that's the kind of character he is, and I won't believe anyone who tries to say he doesn't have one... :")