#i should like make a masterpost or smth. oh well i plan to upload it finished to ao3 eventually

[trickstarbrave]

yet another bit from the reincarnation au

the first part i posted b4 bc i just really liked it but here it is w a little more context and a little more problems for voryn

more cute stuff to come i swear

In his dream, the sky was unusually clear in Resdayn, the moons and stars hanging overhead. There was a heavy feeling in his chest as he looked up at the sky, trying to force his emotions down. 

A knock on his door followed and Voryn turned from the window. He both hoped for the person on the other side of the door to be Nerevar and dreaded it at the same time.

Yet, just as expected, the shorter chimer was there, impossibly blue eyes staring up at Voryn.

“Could I come in?” The hortator’s voice was soft as he inched closer to the doorway, his eyes pleading to be let inside.

“… You’re engaged to Almalexia Indoril now, Neht.” Voryn’s voice had no strength behind it. “Your wedding is only a week away. You shouldn’t be here this late.”

“Please.” Nerevar pleaded. “Please let me in, Voryn.”

“Nerevar—“

“One more night.” Nerevar’s voice is only a whisper now, with tears forming in his eyes. “One more night with you, Voryn…”

Voryn knew he should turn Nerevar away. Yet as always, he was weak to Nerevar, unable to deny him. He grabbed Nerevar’s wrist and tugged him inside the manor, shutting the door behind him and pushing Nerevar up against it.

“You said the same thing last time…” Voryn groaned as Nerevar’s lips found his neck, trailing hot, desperate kisses down his flesh. The hortator tugged weakly at Voryn’s loose sleeping robes, desperate to pull them off.

“I need you…” Nerevar moaned softly against his skin. “I don’t want to marry Ayem, Voryn, all I want is you.”

“You and I both know you have no say in the matter.” He touched back just as eagerly, pulling the hortator’s clothes off recklessly and letting them fall to the floor. “You need to, Neht.”

It was for the good of Resdayn. If Nerevar didn’t marry Almalexia it would be dangerous for everyone politically. For Nerevar not having a proper political backing, for Almalexia’s rule and confidence in the people, and for Voryn stealing away the hortator and man the people wanted to be king. 

“I want you, more than anything.” Nerevar whispered against Voryn’s lips, and in the dark Voryn could feel the tears rolling down his face, the broken sob in his voice. “More than the crown. More than any of my titles.”

Voryn grabbed Nerevar’s legs, hoisting him up by his muscular thighs, Nerevar wrapping them tightly around Voryn on instinct, before smothering Nerevar’s mouth in a kiss.

“Do you want me here?” Vorym asked as he pulled away, a thin trail of saliva connecting them.

“On your bed.” Nerevar pleaded, arms wrapped tightly around Voryn’s shoulders as he tried to press himself even closer. “Make love to me on your bed, Voryn.” 

Voryn kissed him again, hurrying up the stairs to his room. The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on him; the hortator of all six great houses, sook yo be king of Resdayn, was begging for Voryn to make love to him so sappily, voice thick and honey sweet. Nerevar was still acting like a tender lover, despite their current actions being apart of an elicit love affair.

‘One more night’, Nerevar always said, just as he did after hearing the news that he’d be forced to marry Almalexia. ‘Just one more night’, he’d beg and plead, pressing kisses to Voryn’s palm, his neck, his shoulder. 

‘One more night’ his ass. Voryn by now had long since submitted himself to the immoral nature of their relationship. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore, not that strongly. He didn’t care if he and Nerevar could be nothing more than a secret love affair. That he was essentially the soon-to-be-king’s mistress, only able to love and embrace him in the dark.

Nerevar’s back met Voryn’s sheets as Voryn tugged his robes off, sinking into Nerevar’s warm embrace.

Such a relationship would be poison in the long run. But Nerevar couldn’t stay away, and Voryn could never deny him. 

In his bed, Voryn jolted awake as the pleasure built. He can still faintly hear Nerevar’s moans echoing through his mind, still feel the heat wherever Nerevar’s body met his. Yet, he’s only left both wanting and more confused than ever at yet another dream where he embraced the hortator as a lover.

—

Voryn didn’t see Nerevar for a few days after that. Healers or servants bought him his food and tended to him, but it’s not the same. His thoughts are swirling with ways he could have handled the situation better, what he could have said.

Then, on the fifth day, Nerevar crept into his room in the early morning just as Voryn was reading.

“Nerevar—“ Voryn gasped, moving to stand up, before Nerevar hushed him and came to his side instead.

“Voryn I… Apologize for what happened that day.” Voryn opened his mouth to tell Nerevar no apology was needed, as it wasn’t his fault, when Nerevar continued. “Mostly for leaving in such a hurry. I… I know that probably didn’t help anything. In fact it probably just made it worse.” Nerevar sighed as he sank into the chair beside Voryn’s bed.

“I just… Didn’t know what to say or what to do. I thought I might just make it worse.” He explained, Nerevar’s voice breaking slightly 

“… You and Voryn Dagoth were in love,” Voryn asked after a long pause, watching Nerevar stiffen up. “Weren’t you?”

“… We were, for a time.” Nerevar admitted with a sigh. “Not that it is justification for what happened, but yes.” There was longing on Nerevar’s face as he stared at the blankets on the bed, unable to meet Voryn’s eyes. “I… I loved him very dearly. I still do, in fact. But our relationship was doomed the day I realized I had to marry Almalexia for the sake of Resdayn, yet continued seeing him. And then the Heart of Lorkhan was discovered…” Nerevar sighed heavily.

Voryn couldn’t deny that his heart fluttered as Nerevar admitted to it. Admitted that Voryn’s dreams may not have been just dreams. Admitted that the two of them had something, once. That there was a reason behind why he was drawn to Nerevar, why he craved the brush of their hands, why he somehow knew the exact way his lips tasted long before this… 

Voryn opened his mouth to speak, overwhelmed by the joy of knowing Nerevar felt the same, when Nerevar continued. 

“I don’t blame you for what happened though, Voryn.” Nerevar admitted. “You had no way of knowing Dagoth Ur’s influence would still be there, and you were just trying to help me.” Nerevar smiled softly now, even though there was clear pain in his eyes. “But thank you for your offer.”

“Doesn’t it bother you to still be infected?” Voryn asked. He couldn’t imagine Nerevar enjoyed it, knowing there was a piece of Dagoth Ur still inside him that could be used to manipulate and control him. 

“It doesn’t cause me any pain anymore.” Nerevar answered. “The madness and deformities have been fully stopped, which is a good enough for me, even if it isn’t a full cure. And…” Nerevar put his hand to his own chest, over the breastplate he wore with a pained smile on his face. “I suppose part of me is happy that I’ll carry a piece of Voryn Dagoth with me, until the day that I die.” 

Pain radiated from Voryn’s chest hearing that, his heart aching. 

“I’m right here.” His own voice cried out in his head. “I’m right here, Neht. I’m right in front of you. Please don’t talk about me like I’m dead.” It ached for him to see Nerevar speak so fondly and sadly of their past together, like it was over and done with. Like he wasn’t ready to take Nerevar in his arms again and love him just the same as before. Voryn was alive right here and now--

The realization of what he was thinking hit him hard, almost to the point of giving him whiplash. 

Why, in that moment, did he feel so strongly that he was Voryn Dagoth? Why did it hurt him so much to hear Nerevar talk so sadly yet lovingly about him? Voryn Dagoth was dead. He died in the days of Resdayn, in the heart chamber. He died again in the maddened form of Dagoth Ur that still lurked at the edges of his psyche in his undead state. As Nerevar said he may have Voryn Dagoth’s face, his voice, his power, but that didn’t necessarily make them the same person. 

Yet, why did it seem like the lines between himself and Voryn Dagoth were blurring more and more every day?