#i see that ocd/adhd is once again A BAD FUCKING TIME FOR ALL INVOLVED

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Sunday accountability post since apparently I'm not the only one who thought to do laundry today and am rapidly approaching the point of not being able to get done everything I wanted to today without having to ask for wifey's help 🫠🫠🫠

On Sunday and Monday I will:

Remove everything from the closet

Wash the closet walls, floors, and baseboards

Empty out Doom Bin 1, wash it, and put it aside temporarily

Organize all items from Doom Bin 1

Break down doggie den and put away in closet

Empty out Doom Bin 2, wash it, and put it aside temporarily with 1 and move them under window

Organize all items from Doom Bin 2

Put all washing in hampers

Put large dog toys in Doom Bins 1 and 2 and station one in each section of house

Put small dog toys in Blue bin and station by my side of the bed

Put cat toys in small green bin and station by Kitty Heaven

Clean and clear TV stand

Rearrange bedroom furniture

Sweep and wash bedroom floors

Wash a round of dishes

Organize Pile of Doom in front of Kitty Credenza

Wash a round of dishes

Organize spices

Wash a round of dishes

Clear counters

Wash counters

Wash a round of dishes

Wash exteriors of aplliances

Wash a round of dishes

Wash the walls and baseboards

Wash all dish washing gear

Wash the inside of the fridge

Wash the inside of the microwave

Organize the counter

Sweep and wash the floors

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

[TWs: Intrusive thoughts, CSA and Online NCCSA mentions, rape mentions, self harm mentions (specifically via cutting), masturbation mentions, there will probably be a suicide mention too but I'm not sure I'm writing this before writing the actual post] Hey. You probably don't remember me, so I'll reintroduce myself. I'm ☀️, that's what I went by last time anyway. I'm 15 now, and I still have all the same issues. I've been groomed and/or sexually objectified five times, developed intrusive thoughts after the fifth time, still struggling with hypersexuality and compulsive masturbation, ADHD, there's a high chance I have Moral OCD or POCD maybe both I don't know, and it's been I think a good six months since my previous real message And I'm here again because everything has gotten ten times worse. I found out a few months ago that I often have intrusive thoughts when I'm aroused or masturbating, meaning when I engage in any type of sexual activity with myself, my thoughts that I find arousing are often in the same presence as thoughts I find disgusting all the while I'm still bodily aroused, and I do not think I have to say just how absolutely fucking awful that feels. That is a feeling I wouldn't wish on even the most deplorable people in the world. And because I am hypersexual and compulsively masturbate, nothing will ever truly satisfy me, so I am forced to feel this torture again and again and again until i am physically too tired to do any more. I've never been actually raped or assaulted thank god but I feel like this is the closest I'll ever get to experiencing it cause it honestly feels like I'm assaulting myself. And it's been too much. I don't know when it started but I know it was this month, but recently I've started cutting my upper arms and shoulders with a knife that's in my room. It's not a sharp knife as it's part of a gold utensils set, but it's enough to leave scars. I know I'm doing a bad thing to myself but I'm honestly starting to not care, maybe I deserve it for allowing myself to sink this low. That's not to say it's been all bad, I've recently taken up both platonic and romantic self shipping to sorta distract myself from all of these problems, and it has been nice but even that has had it's down side. One of my platonic f/os (fictional ones) is a character that I see as my little sister due to our similar traumas, and that has been sweet, but recently all of my intrusive thoughts have been about her. I would never hurt her or draw anything gross with her that's my goddamn baby, but that doesn't stop intrusive thoughts I'm honestly just at a loss on what to do. If it weren't for the fact that I have people who care about me I probably would've jumped off a balcony by now, and I'm not planning on doing that because that's stupid, I'm not going to hurt other people just because I'm hurt. But honestly, the other options don't seem pleasing either. I'm definitely dropping out of high school once I legally can because I've just about given up on my education, I've missed weeks of schoolwork due to my mental health and I'm definitely going to have to repeat the 9th grade. And I don't have a chance in college. I'm barely able to draw anymore because of my mental health so I probably can't make a job out of that, and there's honestly not much out for me. The only thing I have is my cringy story that probably won't become an actual thing until I'm like 17. At this point, I feel hopeless. Please tell me what you would do in my shoes.

HI ☀️,

I remember you and I appreciate you reintroducing yourself. I'm sorry to hear that things have gotten worse for you lately. It takes a lot of courage to open up about your struggles, and please know you're not alone.

The presence of intrusive thoughts during sexual activities can be distressing and confusing, especially when they involve things that goes against your values and beliefs. It's important to remember that intrusive thoughts are not a reflection of who you are as a person or your true desires. They are a common experience, especially for trauma survivors.

Please know that intrusive thoughts don't reflect your values. Thoughts like these tend to get more persistent the more you fight them. It's not easy at first, but learning to simply acknowledge that you're having the thought and allowing it to pass like every other thought can help. Some people benefit from visualizing a stream (of consciousness) where each thought is a lily pad, placing the thought on the lily pad and watching it drift away.

It's positive to hear that you've found some distraction and solace through platonic and romantic self-shipping. Engaging in creative outlets can provide momentary escape and comfort. But if you find that intrusive thoughts are interfering with your enjoyment of these activities, it might be helpful to explore different coping strategies or expand your interests to other hobbies that feel safer and more fulfilling for you.

I understand that it feels daunting to contemplate your future, especially when you're feeling hopeless. It's essential to give yourself time and space to heal, seek professional support, and explore different avenues that align with your interests and strengths. While it may feel challenging now, it's important to remember that circumstances can change, and there are opportunities for personal growth and fulfillment ahead.

Given the intensity of your experiences, you may want to speak with a mental health professional such as a therapist who specializes in trauma or OCD. A therapist can provide you with guidance, support, and evidence-based techniques to help manage your intrusive thoughts, hypersexuality, and compulsive behaviors. Therapy can also help you navigate your self-worth, process your traumas, and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Please know that we care about you and want to support you through this difficult time. Consider reaching out to trusted individuals in your life and seeking professional help. You deserve care, understanding, and the opportunity to heal.

I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun