#i see shit like this on there every week. the algorithm is ass

[cervinae-canine]

what do you find attractive about this 6 year old character that doesn't rely on her being 6? answer quickly.

[lovestaysblogs]

ooo also would love a minho x reader where they are sort of enemies in the friendship group/ think the other dislikes them and maybe reader needs help/ ends up hurt or drunk and minho comes to help and they realise they didn’t actually hate each other and the group is glad they’ve finally stopped being blind (I think i have an angst obsession)

unfortunately i like you too

pairing: college au!lee know x reader word count: 3306 genre: not really friends/ rivals to lovers, fluff, angst, unrequited (but not really), hurt to comfort warnings: description of unintentional self-harm (pressing your fingernails into your palms), alcohol network: @skzstarnet request by: @missvanjii

When I first met Lee Minho I thought he was a piece of shit. And that’s just me putting it nicely. 

We were placed in a group together in our first year for Introduction to Computer Science.

He was always correcting me with his stupid signature smirk on his stupid face, wearing his stupid glasses, and laughing his stupid laugh while I struggled to retort his reply. In fact, if my stupid body had some backbone and I wasn’t so unfortunately attracted to him, and if I didn’t hate how much I got nervous when he would come from behind me and click my mistakes away, I could easily respond to him.

In that class I also met two of my closest friends now. Felix, another international student and Nayeon, both who had the brightest smiles. After completing our assignment, the four of us unintentionally formed our own little friend group.

At times we meet at a coffee shop not too far from campus to get some work done. It was a perfect day to meet up. With how chilly it’s been, the sun finally showed herself after days of rain. 

The quaint coffee shop turned out to be our favourite spot off campus. The simple designs mixed with the smell of coffee were calming factors for us. After coming here almost every week, the owners now know our orders and always have our table ready for us.

Felix and I were the first to arrive. He barely waited til we sat down properly for him to pull out his laptop, plug it in and start typing rapidly. His forehead formed rare lines as his eyes moved rapidly to the screen. 

After getting our order, he turned his laptop to me and asked me to see if I could fix his worries.

“Lix, I have no idea what to do to fix that program,” I said.

Felix sighed as he turned his computer back to himself. One could see how stressed he was. His face was wearing a foreign frown as he typed quickly.

“What program?” A voice that I recognized way too easily, said sitting down in front of us. 

I glanced up at Minho, we made eye contact and he smiled. I looked away and rolled my eyes at his presence. Since it was just the three of us, Nayeon as usual was late.

The owner brought over his order, he smiled and thanked him while slightly bowing, making his bangs fall onto his glasses. After taking a quick sip of his coffee, he quickly fixed them before asking again, 

“So what’s this program you’re talking about?”

“The program for my Analysis of Algorithms class. I’ve been working at it for days and it’s due tonight and I asked Y/N to look at it for me –” 

“But Y/N’s more of a UX designer Lix,” Minho interrupted. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

He laughed, “Nothing, just that your focus is in UX design, so I wouldn’t be surprised that you wouldn’t know how to fix it,”

I know what Minho said wasn’t inherently bad, but the playfulness in his eyes alongside that stupid ass smirk made me know that he knows he’s pissing me off.

I squinted my eyes at his response and opened my mouth to answer him but Felix interjected.

“This is due tonight. I don’t have time for your bickering back and forth as a badly concealed  attempt at flirting,” He groaned, placing his fingers at his temple.

“Felix!”

Minho laughed and took Felix’s laptop and started typing.

“What? It’s true. You do it every time we hang out and I’m too stressed to have that right now,” He pouted, placing his head on my shoulder.

I started to pat his hair and said to Minho,

“Look at what you did to the poor child,”

“Me?!” 

Before he could continue, Nayeon finally entered the coffee shop with a smile on her face. She said hi to the owners and waved at us from the counter. 

She sat down beside Minho and pulled out her laptop as she said,

“What did I miss?”

“Nothing much, just Y/N and Minho bickering again,” Felix said.

“Oh so the usual,”

Minho snickered at that.

“We do not argue that much. Y’all just lucky I can tolerate his ass,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Careful with rolling your eyes all the time babe, they might fall out,” Minho said looking up at me.

“Ughhh, can you not! Have you finished fixing my program, you’re over here flirting?” Felix groaned again.

My eye twitched, “He was not… flirting,”

Right? He calls me these silly nicknames all the time. And as much as they make my heart speed up a little, it means nothing to him. 

Minho turned the laptop back around to Felix, “I’m finished with it Lix. You must have not noticed but you skipped out on a couple lines of code and also had some of them in the wrong places,”

“Have I ever told you I love you? Because I love you,” Felix exclaimed, lifting his head off my shoulder to check his laptop.

Minho laughed at his theatrics but he just had to pipe in, “Also, I wasn’t flirting,”

Nayeon rolled her eyes, “Sure, whatever you say,”

Minho chuckled before opening his own laptop, “Why would I flirt with Y/N?”

“You guys are blowing shit out of proportion. He was just being a dick as usual,” I said.

“Yeah plus, she isn’t my type anyways,” He shrugged. 

The air stilled. I stopped typing after hearing his words.  Nayeon and Felix locked eyes before simultaneously looking at me. Must be to see how my face might have changed upon hearing his words.

They’ve told me once before that as fierce I might try to present myself on the outside, with the dark makeup and dark clothes, I’m as soft as a cloud on the inside. And sometimes that bleeds through. I’m unable to hide my emotions to protect myself and I get figured out. I don’t think either of them know about my unfortunate crush on Minho. Well, if they do, they haven’t told me.

“That’s a bit much Min,” Nayeon said.

She reached for my hand on the table, gently unclasping my fingers that were pressed so tightly into my palm. I didn’t even notice I was doing it.

Minho looked up and our eyes met when Nayeon spoke. It’s like he felt the shift in the energy. He blinked rapidly, as if he was slowly processing what just happened. One would think he would stop talking at this point.

Wrong.

 “Y/N knows not to take me seriously,” He said with a slight smile looking right at me.

My throat closed up. “Right,” I forced out, “Because you don’t take me seriously either,”.

His eyebrows pushed together as if he was surprised at what I said. Or maybe it was how I said it. His eyes latched onto mine. His mouth slightly opened, as if he was searching for what to say.

Felix placed a hand on mine, to comfort me but to warn me to be cautious as well. Now I know I must have been wearing my feelings on my face again. 

After I could trust myself to speak, I raised my face and tucked my locs behind my ears. I started packing up my stuff.

“I forgot I had to do something back on campus. I’ll catch up with you guys later,”

Walking out of the coffee shop, I cursed myself over and over again. We do this all the time. We argue, we bicker, we insult. But it wasn’t personal. And the feelings I felt for him that made me so frustrated with myself, never came up. 

It’s not like I expect anything to come out of this.  A relationship with Minho was the last thing I thought of. But to hear him blatantly say I never even had a chance, hurt. I didn’t even know I wanted one.

The noisy street to the bus stop did not help to drown out my thoughts. In fact with how loud it was inside my brain and outside, I wish something would shut up. I felt enclosed and uncomfortable. Maybe I was wearing too many layers. But it was too cold to go without a jacket. Tears brimmed my eyes and I started pressing my fingernails into my palms again, simply hoping to relieve some frustration.

A hand gently stopped my pressing.

“Lix?”

“Hey,” He said softly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave like that. My mind is just so loud right now and God –”

He smiled gently, “You don’t have to apologize Y/N,”. He interlocked his fingers with mine and squeezed my hand as we walked to the stop.

We sat down and waited for the bus to come. The once bright blue skies quickly turned gray under the influence of the month of May.

“It’s okay to feel, you know Y/N? You don’t have to be this tough girl all this time,” He frowned. 

“When I do feel, it hurts Lixie,” I placed my head on his shoulder.

He patted my head gently, “I know love, I know. I just wish the both of you would stop arguing and actually realize how you feel”.

“He feels nothing for me. Didn’t you hear what he said?” I said.

Felix only sighed and said nothing else.

The next time our group was together, was at the club on Friday night. Nayeon and I were in the bathroom checking our makeup while the guys got drinks. We both matched in our black little dresses, accenting our figures. My locs were in a high bun with two framing pieces out. I reapplied my liner and lip gloss and glanced over at Nayeon whose light makeup contrasted with my dark one. I smiled at her through the mirror and nudged her.

She caught my smile and began laughing, “We’re literally twins babe,”

I nodded and hugged her, “We are,”

She looked at me a bit more seriously, “You know I love you right Y/N?”

“Of course Nayeonie. I know,”

“Good. I also straightened out Lee Minho after you left,” She said, fixing her hair.

“You did not!”

Maybe I heard her wrong over the blaring loud music.

“I did! I told him that I know y’all argue but that was pushing it,”

“There’s nothing wrong with him not having feelings for me,”

“It’s not that. It’s how he said it,”

I reached over and gave her another hug, “Well either way, thank you for protecting me Nayeonie,”

She hugged me again, “Always, my Y/N. Let’s go dance and get really drunk now!!” 

Her smile was devilish.

Walking over to the bar, we saw the boys with our drinks. 

Felix handed over mine and said “What were you guys doing in there? Took so damn long!”

I giggled and downed mine, “What happens in the girls bathroom, stays in the girls bathroom,”

“Whatever, let’s go dance.” As he pulled me into the crowd, I locked eyes with Minho.

We haven’t really spoken since the coffee shop. He gave me a small smile and nodded at me, which I returned. 

Anyways, I wasn’t here to focus on Minho and my failed attempt at not checking out how good he looked tonight under the flashing lights. 

After some time and ten more drinks later, I lost the group. I stumbled out of the crowd and sat at the bar. I reached into my purse for my phone and tried my best to find one of their numbers.

“Hey,” An unfamiliar voice said. 

I looked up at the owner of the voice, “Do I know you?”.

He laughed, “No, but you can get to know me. I bought a drink for you,”.

He slid a bright red drink over my way. With the slight consciousness I had, I shook my head.

“No thanks,”

He sat down next to me, “Come on, I’ve been watching you all night and now I’m finally talking to you. Just take the drink at least,”

“You’ve been watching me?”

“Yeah” He said with a smile, “I think you’re cute,”.

I smiled back at him and took the drink in my hand, but before it could even reach my head, a hand snatched it from me. 

I looked to see Minho pouring the drink on the ground.

“Yeah, she’s not drinking that,”

“Excuse me? Who are you?” The stranger said standing up.

Minho scoffed and had his stupid signature smirk on his face, “You wanna find out?”

Minho took a step forward, as the guy took a step back, “I didn’t know she was your girl. Sorry about that man,”

The guy then left without sparing another glance at me.

“Do you hate me that much?” I said as Minho turned back around to me.

“Wh-what? Y/N, you were not seriously going to take a drink from a random ass guy,”

“What if I wanted to?!” I stood up and yelled over the music. “Is it so jarring to you that someone actually wants me?”

Tears brimmed at my eyes, “Or do you just want to humiliate me, every chance you get?”

“No Y/N what?” Minho said, startled. 

I shook my head and started to walk away, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me through the club.

We walked in silence to the nearest convenience store. I didn’t fight or even yelled when we reached outside. He simply just told me ‘Let’s go for a walk,’ and for some reason I listened. I sat down outside on one of the stools. Minho went inside, saying he needed to get something. 

You could barely see the stars tonight. What wasn’t covered in clouds was covered by the bright lights of Seoul. Reminds me of how conflicted I felt about Minho. He’s a good person, I know he is. And that makes me wonder how good he would be as a boyfriend. But he doesn’t see me as anything but a friend.

“Drink,” He said, handing it to me.

I struggled with opening it and he took it from me, opened it and then put it at my head. 

“What makes you think I would want to humiliate you?” He said when I was finishing drinking, taking a seat right next to me.

God, I could barely focus on his words. He slightly turned his body to me and the white button down shirt with the few buttons open at the top distracting me.

“Y/N?... Babe come on, answer me,” He said, bringing back my attention to his face.

“I don’t know Minho, I don’t know,” I said.

He ran his hands through his hair, “I know what I said in the coffee shop was uncalled for. And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push it,”

I shrugged, “Thank you, but I didn’t expect anything else to be honest,”

His eyebrows furrowed, “What do you mean?”

“We don’t really like each other. We don’t necessarily say the kindest things all the time,”

“You think I don’t like you?”

I nodded, “Yeah, I mean… you never proved otherwise,”

“I was just teasing. I thought you were too. I liked annoying you because… I liked getting a reaction from you. I liked knowing what pissed you off and knowing I’m the only one that can get on your nerves in a certain way. I like you Y/N… a lot. And I’m sorry for not paying attention to the weight of my words,”

“You like me? If you’re just saying that to piss me off more Lee Minho I swear,” I rolled my eyes and started to turn away from him.

I couldn’t allow myself to get hurt once more and much worse to show how hurt I was right in front of him.

“No, no” He turned me back around and reached for my hands, “This isn’t a joke, I promise.” He said as he looked right into my eyes as if he would die if he looked away.

“But you said I wasn’t your type,” I said softly.

“That was me deflecting. Felix called me out on my flirting and I felt nervous. I didn’t know what to say, but I shouldn’t have said that and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Y/N”

“Yeah… you shouldn’t have,”

He scratched the back of his head, “Did you really think I didn’t like you? Does that mean you don't like me either?”

I didn’t know what to say.

“Damn, and here I thought it was just some freaky foreplay we were doing?”

I slapped his chest, “What?”

“I mean, we were bickering all the time but I just thought it was playful, so I didn’t take it seriously. I just thought that the bickering would eventually lead to a confession,”

Now all those nicknames he called me made sense.

“So, is that what you want? A confession?”

“Is it selfish to say yes? I do really like you Y/N. I was really hoping you’d feel the same way,”

“What do you like about me?” I said. 

I looked up at him and gosh my heart was speeding. 

“Your creativity. God, the way your brain works is so mesmerizing. Everytime you send a mockup to the group chat, I’m in awe of how creative it is. I like how kind you are. Even though you portray this really tough act, your heart is soft. You’re always trying to help someone out and it’s always with the utmost genuinity. I like your eyes. I like how they tell your emotions so well, especially when you’re trying to hide them.”

“Minho,” I said softly.

“I can go on,”

“You don’t have to. You don’t have to, because unfortunately I like you too.”

He laughed. He laughed his stupid laugh. His stupid eyes formed pretty crescents and his stupid head tilted slightly back.

“Why are you laughing at me?” I pouted.

“I’m sorry baby, you just confessed in the cutest way possible. ‘Unfortunately’?” He laughed again.

My face got hot. He looked over at me with a soft smile. His hands cautiously but gently reached for my face and lifted it up for us to meet at eye level. 

“Unfortunately, Y/N I can’t let you go after experiencing what it’s like to be close to you. Unfortunately, I can’t see you without the endearment of how adorable you are. And unfortunately that comes with the affection I have for you, waiting to be shown, if you’d let me,”

“Show it,” I said, my voice no higher than a whisper. “Show your stupid affection. Whether that be in the way you tease me or hold me, unfortunately I want you either way as long as you’d let me,”

He blinked a couple times as if he was processing my words. His eyes travelled down to my lips at which I leaned closer. He reached down and pressed his on to mine. 

Our group met again at our designated coffee shop. Felix and I were sitting across from each other, discussing the class we just had. 

Lee Minho walked in, with a smile, “Hey baby” He leaned down to give me a quick kiss.

When I turned back to Felix, his mouth was wide open. Minho laughed, his cute laugh as Nayeon finally entered.

“What did I miss?” She asked.

“You wouldn’t believe me,” Felix said.

As he tells the shocking discovery of our new found development, loud squeals and giggles could be heard from outside our coffee shop.

I glanced at Minho as he wrapped his arm around me, telling our best friends how this all happened.

You know now that I think of it, he isn’t that bad after all.

a/n:

reblogging helps writers work to be found so please reblog if you liked it!! i wanna say first i'm so so sorry for taking long with this request! T.T life happened and i started writing it then i hated how it was turning out so i redirected and now honestly i think this is the best fic i've written.

i really do think i've improved in my writing. so thank you for this request! i love when i'm given request because it really forces myself to write within that perimeter so i hope i've fulfilled it :))

my requests are still open so if anyone would want to send anymore feel free!

also i have 15 followers aaaa. i know it might seem small to some but it means a lot to me! honestly my goal isn't numerical but just to have black girls feel seen in the fanfiction especially kpop fanfiction world.

okay i've talked too much now. i have a lot of wips that i'm excited about :)) i'll see u soon ! sending lots of love and happiness y'all's way<3333

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

hi folks. its been a long week. but its time for HOUR IN BRASS

for those just joining us, a new exalted splat is being released; when this happens, i usually lose my shit and liveread through the charms; this time it's the alchemical exalted, golem-robot-communists inside the belly of the machine god autochthon. if you wish to avoid this, you will blacklist #hour in brass

first third of charms:

Howdy Mother Fuckers. its time for HOUR IN BRASS

starting with: the horniest chapter fiction so far

the alchemical paradigm is that you have only so many charm slots for active charms at a time, but that most charms have submodules that add on without taking more slots. they have to swap charms in and out with the rite of reconfiguration. their dice limit is Ess+Attribute BUT one of their biggest charms is going to make their math oh whatever here it comes

TRANSPUISSANT ATTRIBUTE UPGRADE aka transpussy assribute ultima. which raises your resting attribute by 1, starts to stack at higher essences, and comes with a load of submodules to let you swap what attributes are used for what. god im fucking excited to have these around. unwavering sniper calibration to snipe with perception, for example

actually they have a lot of wacky universal charms about integrating with hearthstones, artifacts, stuff like that. robots be customizing bodies. i do want to point out vat surrogate reweaving system, which lets you speed-swap charms once between reconfigurations. i read it and immediately thought camilla hect Go Loud and started cackling

yes alchemicals can still go colossus and eventually turn into cities. though metropolis play is not mechanically supported

ok appearance. starting with radiant iconography array: anima holograms, but they do stuff like become realistic illusions or huge legendary size stuff

emotive aesthetics of the body electric naturally bangs

patriotism-provoking display has many-is-one node and one-is-many node as submodules, whihc are fun

universal advisor comportment is fun, makes you feel sagacious and advisorly

beguiling aestheic perfection is fun, when you socially affect someone they suffer trying to beat your guile for the rest of the scene. i have suffered this irl many times

pheromone regulation system… i cannot make any jokes about this that arent crass. i once knew someone who was turned on by the smell of xbox exhaust

man the submodule tech is really realyl nice. this is a great fucking way for charms to work. you can flashbang people with blinding strobe projector and then on top of that you can choose to enter stealth, steal more initiative, or make it rainbow

its really interesting to me that appearance is getting so many teacherly charms. with illuminating inspiration beacon "The Alchemical’s faith in her students shines through in every aspect of her neon-limned visage"

damn, and from there is psyche-stabilizing beacon, where you radiate such comfort that it helps people resist brain curses

theotropic veneration mantle rocks. project a principle to the exclsuion of others, and those who share the principle see you as a holy figure

i sort of hate glistering obsession nodes. i dont want to glister. it makes people obsessed with me if they can't figure me out

ooh, disguises in appearance subterfuge. including stuff to appear human, or as a dfferent exalted

optical shroud, a classic, predator invisibility

apocryphal operative halo is really interesting, MIB neuralyzer

semiotic flare projector is a really cute concept. almost as cute as supreme icon of battlefield glory. when you kick ass on the battlefield your troops love it, and you can make your enemies hate it, and at e4 you can project it over the entire battlefield

alright, charisma. starting with effective leadership algorithm, both a great example of alchie flavor and of submodule tech bc its just a menu of submodules that let you decide what kinda rolls you use it on, whether youre using faction-building unity or overriding authority mode

oh synergy promoting upgrade is interesting. helps with bureaucracy if youre leadering, gets better if your group likes you, SPU: communal supremacy makes it better if its for a community, SPU: lifestyle cooperation paradigm makes your group like each other

hdkfghdfjsg universal authorization chevron. the cool s. intuitively recognized as a symbol of authority. UAC: axiomatic emblem means even gremlins/fae/undead recognize you with wary deference. UAC: perfected delegation emblem lets you hand out copies to deputies

heresy declaration beacon, lets fucking go

radiant emblem of integrity is interesting… if you speak the complete truth everyone knows that its the complete truth, and it can also authenticate replays of events projected with radiant iconography array. also if you tell the truth and it sucks, gain wp. fantastically built charm. oh the submodule lets you make it permanent and mandatory

electric fervor inspiration is a set of orichalcum electrodes implanted behind the alchemical's jaw. thats fucked up. oh it lets you reset social rolls thats differently fucked up

battle anthem of the alchemical exalted! made it in! oh this is just a menu of songs thats super neat. including thousand work shifts ballad… and double music

similarly with programming language eloquence "A breaker between the Alchemical’s frontal and temporal lobes filters unnecessary emotion from her communications…" im really having fun with this

damn propaganda interdiction signal: void-quelling chastisement means that gribblies can't call on principles to resist your influence to hangout with mortals

something about vox populi broadcast really compels me. its just a charm to speak loudly but you can submodule it to communicate only with allies or to cut through magical silence.. and its speakers implanted in your throat

ideological override circuitry…

FEAR OVERRIDE DEVICE in warfare

homeguard reinforcement clarion… whip up that militia

dexterityyyy okay we're getting into the combat charms now

omg magnetic subdual coils to steal weapons. including a pulse blaster submodule, field projector, magnetron…

protosynthetic ammunition replicator, as expected, but thankully it is reloaded with "an articulated metal tendril". & btw dispersive flash-chaff cluster to make it a flashbang arrow, fulminating conduction charge to make it a stun arrow, concussive overpressure warhead to make it a knockdown, airburst grenade

being able to group all the "fast attack" charms in one place is fun, the submodules have a cute menu of extra ways to use it

damn, blinding velocity actuator upgrades you to a surprise attack if youre fast enough?

i like that gear-driven reflex automation is, past all the prereqs and flavor lines and stuff, exactly one line of charm. and then some fun submodules. wait damn withering counterattck at e3, with tactical reaction matrix

hacking multistrike accelerator to "enact pre-programmed motions" in pursuit of… erm… well… ok wait forget that this is a really cool charm. doesnt use all your initiative on the decisive, this feels like itd be real fun to fuck with espcially with the submodules

dsjksdks subluminous onslaught: kinetic launch catapult lets you like launch a fucking sword to short range. or your fists

ESSENCE PULSE CANNON. lets fucking go. again the submodules are really cool: concussive, focused, precision, de hey. Sieve Devastator Mode. its sheer heft provides her with heavy cover

skjfdsf autonomous assault processors makes (Dex-2) attacks, but dont forget you could be augmened enough for that to be 4 attacks at e2 anyways, 5 at e3 (if i remember the TAU rules right).

oh shitt transmodal rapid targeting system, bend that bullet. psychokinetic vectors. sdhksdfs this damage calculation is really funny. damn this is fully just children of the sun or whatever that game was. epic

TRANSFINITE ULTRAVIOLENCE DRIVE. time stands still. and then you bank attacks, which seems really fun. shjdskf and TUD: omnitactical processing core lets you add more withering attacks on top

oh huh accelerated response system: unwavering precision lets you not take onslaught if you successfully defend against lower init enemies. thats probably not that strong but it feels strong

casualty-minimizing equations is a damn good name

perfectly parallel defensive geometry…

oh light-etched interceptor barrier is fun. roll parry instead of static. and essence absorption screen lets you eat energy attacks with it

autonomous defensive drones AERIAL! actually theyre more like murderbot drones, they orbit and defend you. … damn, they cant be withered and theyve got almost as many hls as a starting character, theyre a pain to take out. their DO Parry is (Dex+1) so they're like fantastic for ranged fighters who dont parry or dodge

precalculated evasion system lets you bank dodge successes… kind of like light-etched interceptor but not. really interesting. hey what its simple?

omnisituational evasive equation is a fantastic name. ts the perfect dodge. OEE: hyperspatial geometry is really fun

cyclical velocity treads! heelies!!!

and then theres… oil slick dispenser nozzles… in your calves. i love wacky races

momentum-charged overdrive engine is a bangin name… a preprogrammed sequence of combat acrobatics

inclding jet boosters in optimized pursuit accelerator… ts really funny that al these red jade rush charms are also like "ugh fine you can also use these to run away if you have to"

transphase engine… walk through fucking walls

sjdflskdf digital precision effectors splits open your fingertips

covert telemetry mode…

counterharmonic scatter system is just like a really fun charm name. im having a lot of fun with charm names. displaces the sound of you

sdjlfsdf flicker-flare launchers are a flashbang to just immediately enter concealment

ooh matchless assassin protocols… reflexively stealth after a disengage or distract

hyperdextrous tentacle apparatus. can someone get astrakiseki on the phone

total perception negation field. if you see me no you didnt. ending, of course, in unseen deathblow calibration

and thats the first third. im like getting really alchemicalpilled rn. its hot

[lazystar]

Play Like a Gangster

Lee Felix x Fem!Reader 

University AU, Bad Boy!Felix Other idols mentioned: Other SKZ members, ITZY, Lily of NMIXX, Soobin of TXT Warnings: Alcohol consumption, use of unhealthy coping skills, negative self-image on reader’s part, Felix being a slight ass, Miscommunication!!! ANGST!!! Comfort tho is there! Word Count: 5K+ (~5400?)

Obligatory Note: please show your support by giving my work a simple reblog :) this is how tumblr’s algorithm operates and is an easy way to show support to your favorite writers on this site! a “hey this is so good” comment also works :) Thanks!

Your first day of year four of university had finally arrived. The hot August air weighed you down like a blanket of humidity, your thighs chafing as they rubbed against one another at the hemline of your denim shorts. You had chosen your classic first day of fall semester fit, a logo tee from the bookstore, and a pair of shorts along with your Converse. Comfortable, easy to fish out of your still packed suitcase, and cute. 

Fishing your schedule from your student portal app on your phone, you found your first lecture of the day. To your horror and dismay it was a gen ed course you had been dreading, Statistics 101 with Professor Park. You abhorred math more than anything and even more so when you threw in the Greek alphabet. You huffed and walked faster to the lecture hall to get a good seat, and when you arrived you guessed every other student had the same idea because the only seat left was one in the middle of the hall next to an intimidating looking boy with a sharp jawline, silver earrings and dusty blue hair. He looked the complete opposite of you. He was in all black, black tee shirt, long black cargo pants decorated with chains, and black converse. The shoe choice was the only identical fashion choice you both had made. 

“You gonna keep analyzing my outfit like this shit is project runway or are you going to sit down?” His deep Australian accent cut you out of your thoughts. 

“Oh sorry! Ummm I’m sorry — I already said that didn’t I? Anyways I’m Y/N nice to meet ya…” You stuck a hand out to him after setting out your notebook and laptop.

“You are far too cheerful for a 10 AM math lecture. Anyways the name’s Felix, before you ask I’m a senior graphic design major this is just a gen ed for me.” He seemed to notice you deflate as he answered your icebreakers before you could ask. He let out an almost placating gruff laugh after his introduction.

“I’m a senior as well, music marketing major so as much as I wish this wasn’t a required gen ed for me it sadly is. I fucking HATE math!” You sighed as the professor walked into the room. You didn’t notice Felix smile at your extroverted behavior. He knew he was about to become your friend, not by his own accord but he knew that he was now the familiar face in your Monday-Wednesday-Friday morning hour of hell. The professor droned on about the usual syllabus week materials and you began doodling some new logo ideas for your friends’ music group on your notebook paper. Your dissociation was cut off by the professor clearing his throat with an announcement. 

“Okay everyone! This lecture has 100 students, and unfortunately for me the department requires us to have you all complete a semester long project going over a trend of choice through data analytics. So you all will be working with the person sitting directly to your right! No, don't go switching seats, I see you in the back row!” You laughed as your classmates groaned around you at the news of being involuntarily being partnered up. You looked to your right where Felix was already looking your way with a raised brow and a smirk gracing his freckled face. 

“Please tell me you won’t be as high energy all semester” Your new statistics partner sighed almost defeatedly. “Now hand me your phone so I can put my number in it so we can work on this shit or whatever.” You laughed at his statement and handed your phone over to him. 

“Felix, just for the record,  I’m gonna change your contact to Grumpy Pants if you keep acting like this.” You stated as you looked at him through your peripheral vision as he texted himself from your phone. 

“Okay Bubbles.” He chuckled, handing your phone back to you. He had simply texted himself a ‘Hey :) – Bubbles’ making an involuntary grin stretch across your face as you turned to look at him.

“Bubbles?” 

“Powerpuff Girls? Did you grow up uncultured?” He raised a brow at your lack of knowledge of the cartoon. 

“I was only allowed to watch educational stuff as a kid.” 

“It shows.” 

“HEY!” You playfully punched his arm and flipped him off as a deep chuckle emanated from him. This was going to be an entertaining semester for sure.

The semester rolled along, like a slow cross country train ride. Throughout it you and Felix grew closer, much to the chagrin of your friends Lia and Yeji who had said the boy was “bad news”. You didn’t understand how they could judge him without knowing him like you did, how could anyone with such a beautiful smile be “bad news”. Sure he had some bad habits like sneaking a flask into the library for your study sessions, but could you blame him? Statistics would drive anyone to drink unless they were a math wizard like Pythagoras or Einstein. 

“Y/N are you texting him again?” Yeji groaned as she flitted about styling your hair for the party she insisted you attend with her and the other girls from the music group she and Lia were in. It was at the Sigma Kappa Zeta fraternity and you knew Felix was a brother of the frat, so regardless of your girls you always had an in. This though, was a secret from your dear friends as they had prejudged Felix and you didn’t want them to suddenly change their minds so they had an excuse to party.

“Yeah we have that project remember? Plus he was showing me this funny video from that one guy I like on instagram.” You fibbed. This seemed to satisfy her as you two finished getting ready for the ride to the frat house. Lia met you two in front of the dorm and your ride was outside just as you left. You were in for a good night, you could feel it in your bones.

Unfortunately for you, your bones were wrong. The stench of alcohol, weed, and body odor hit your nose like a freight train, you had lost your friends upon entering and Felix was nowhere to be found. One of his frat brothers, Hyunjin had saddled up to you as you made your way to the kitchen for a drink. 

“You’re Felix’s girl right?”He asked as he poured you a vodka and cola...very heavy on the vodka. Concerningly so actually You made a mental note to never ask him to bartend for you again, lest you want a new liver by twenty-five. 

“Oh no we’re just friends, we have a Stats class together, 101 with Professor Park.” You replied sipping on your drink and grimacing at the overly pungent taste of the cheap liquor in it. 

“Oh duh you’re Bubbles then! He always talks about how obnoxious you can be, he asked me once how anyone can be so… I shouldn’t have said that. Don’t-don’t listen to me,disregard anything I just said! I'm wasted.” Unfortunately for the panicking dark haired boy, you were not wasted. You were far too sober for this. Obnoxious? You? You were used to being sometimes a bit too extraverted for some peoples’ tastes but obnoxious? That stung. 

“Heh. No worries Hyunjin, I'll see you around.” With that the boy left. You stayed in the kitchen as your body went into autopilot, you downed your drink then snatched the vodka bottle up before wandering through the crowd to the back porch to find a corner to hide in. You didn’t know why you chose to chase the bile like feeling in your chest down with alcohol. You didn’t usually cope with your emotions in this manner. You were level headed, a marketing student, someone who dabbled with psychology courses for fun, someone who was the advice giver to her friends. Not someone who chose to use unhealthy coping mechanisms. But here you were bottle in hand walking to the porch to sip away the pain. 

“Y/N? Bubbles? What are you doing?” The Aussie you had been searching for before had somehow found you. His voice was riddled with concern, laughable amounts of it in your mind. How could a friend find you obnoxious but then act so caring? Friend, the word now made you almost nauseous. Fuck friends, fuck Felix, you thought. All you wanted was to be numb and alone. 

“Trying to not be obnoxious or something I don’t fucking know.” You grumbled taking a long swig of the liquor from the bottle. You didn’t even grimace this time as the taste had grown too familiar to you. 

“What’s that supposed to mean? Who upset you? Why the fuck are you chugging vodka like water? Who hurt you? I’ll kick their ass!” He barraged you with questions as he tried to slip down to sit beside you and take the bottle out of your hands. You fought back and held the bottle close to you, eventually he gave up seeing that you clearly were unwilling to let go of your vice. He was worried and he just wanted to see what was wrong. An uncomfortable silence filled the space between you two for a moment, until you cleared your throat and turned toward him with an unsettlingly dark look in your eyes.

“Felix, tell me why one of your frat brothers told me not even like twenty minutes ago that you found me obnoxious. Apparently you’re always talking about it. Fuck, the girls were right I should’ve just stayed your project partner and not your friend.” You hissed out and tried to stand, but the large amount of booze in your system made you stumble and nearly fall over like an unstable desk ornament.

“You’re not about to walk away from me in your condition in the middle of this conversation Y/N.”

“Fine then I’ll— I’ll fucking crawl away just leave me alone and find my friends for me. My actual friends who like me and don’t tell their friends I’m fucking obnoxious, too much, too loud, too happy, too bubbly, too ugh whatever you told your friends I’m too much of. Just. Leave. Me. The. FUCK. Alone.” The bite in your words made Felix physically flinch. He had never seen you so angry, especially not at him. You were usually so kind and uplifting to those you met. Not so, so aggressive. It hurt him to see your Y/E/C eyes, all tearful and rage filled. The beautiful eyes he was so used to seeing filled with unbridled happiness. 

“Okay, I’ll-I’ll go. Please just promise me one day you’ll allow me the chance to explain myself to you.” He pleaded, his head hung low, tears filling his own gaze. You have a noncommittal affirmation and he went off finding Yeji and Lia. While you clung to your knees with cries wracking your body, Felix was facing the wrath of the music group you knew as your best friends. 

Yeji, Lia, Ryujin, Chaeryeong, and the newest addition Yuna all glowered at him from the couch as he explained you had gotten mad at him over a mistaken confession he had made when you two had just met. He had not experienced such unbridled happiness from one person before you stepped into his world and he was unsure how to feel. He had chosen his usual method of brisk dismissal and annoyance when discussing you to the frat members those weeks ago. But over the course of the past month or so you had wormed your way into his heart and he had grown fond of your random animal facts, boisterous laughter, and bright sun rivaling smiles. 

“Lee, you fucked up and she was correct in saying we warned her about you. Remember you broke our other friend, Heejin’s heart? You lead her on. You’re not about to do that to our Y/N. She’s our angel, and you sir are some demon for hurting her now. We’ll let you try to make it up to her but I swear to all that is holy if you don’t, you’re fucking dead.” Yeji’s voice carried over the bass that was shaking the house, her voice shook Felix to his very core. “Don’t expect any help from us, ITZY protects our friends, and Y/N is our best friend. Girls go get our baby. I know she needs you right now, I’ll call the uber. Lee Felix you go fess up to Chan and the boys that you fucked up.” She gave Felix a dismissal with her hand and collected you along with the girls in a tight hug. She had her own plan, she was going to recruit her other friend Lily and their mutual friend Soobin into a “Get Y/N over Felix” plan. She had detested the Australian for leading her friend Heejin on the previous fall. She hadn’t known though that it was honestly just an unrequited crush on Heejin’s part and that the Aussie and the other girl had made up. She was so focused on playing the role of mother to her friends she forgot sometimes to look past the details of the story as it was on the page, she didn’t read between the lines. What she witnessed had to be the truth, right?

The days after the party felt like you were in limbo, you had emailed your professors that you had a family emergency and would be out for the subsequent week. Thankfully they all were accommodating and gave you the materials to study in your absence. Felix hadn’t called or texted regarding your project which soon would be having its mid semester check on your progress. You had done your share and emailed him your part so he could work off of your work, you had practically done all you could to avoid him. But now it felt like you were doing too much, caring too much about someone who you had misjudged as someone who was more caring than their hard outer shell. You had read between the lines of who he was a bit too deeply, you had looked to find some sort of positive in someone who had portrayed himself as harsh and cold. Maybe he was just that, cold, uncaring, harsh, a liar. Yeah that’s what he was, a liar, an expert one at that.

You were lounging in your misery of stuffed animals and rewatches of Legally Blonde as Yeji, the girls, and your newer friend Lily barged into your room. 

“Go away girls, leave me to my misery and Elle Woods’ slaying the courtroom!” You groaned out into your pillow.

“Bitch if you don’t get your ass up! You have a date, no don’t give me that face you need some socialization.” Yeji pulled you out of bed and shoved you into the shower before you could protest. Two hours later your hair and makeup were done, you were dressed in a nice cropped sweater, jeans, and boots and shoved out the door to your demise date.

At the campus coffee shop with your favorite iced chai latte in hand sat Soobin. He was a fellow music marketing student and student musician you’d met through the girls. He was someone you’d known in passing, an acquaintance, not someone you expected yourself on a blind date with. But here you were, laughing at his jokes, cooing over photos of his pet hedgehog Odi and enjoying yourself in his company. It felt like getting to know an old friend from years gone by, not like a first date. But you knew in your heart feelings were unlikely to develop. You felt too platonic, too friendly, not flirty, flushed, not like a swarm of butterflies resided in your stomach. You didn’t feel like you did when Felix would offer to rest his jacket across your shoulders when the cold air conditioning of the library would kick on. 

As you sat on your couch talking with Yeji you came to the realization of why it hurt so bad to find out Felix has shit talked you. You liked Felix. His freckles, his smile that would take over his whole face, his blunt sarcastic sense of humor, his playful jabs, his affectionate teasing, you adored it all. 

“Yeji, don’t tell the others please but… I realize why I was so messed up over what happened at Sig Kap.”

“You liked him didn’t you?” She saw your eyes well up with tears as your head fell in what you could only describe as shame. 

“Not just like, I think I fell for him.” She only gave her best sullen smile as she walked across the living room to engulf you in a hug as tears fell like a torrential storm down your cheeks. She softly assured you that you would move on, like you always did when you fought the overwhelming urge to sink into your bed and not get out for days due to the weight of the world crushing your soul. You were strong, but love seemed to fight like a heavyweight champ, hitting you with blows left and right. Chaeryeong walked out of her room as the sound of a broken croak of tearful lament came from you. 

“Y/N baby girl what happened? Did he say something wrong again?” The other girl sat on your left and wrapped her arms around you effectively making you the saddest sandwich ever seen.

“Yeji… I think I really love Felix. I think that’s why I’m so hurt, I owe him a chance to explain himself to me. He looked like bad news but he was the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. I’ve had time to think about it all and I can’t just shut him out, it hurts worse than it helps.” Yeji froze, her comforting hand that had been rubbing your arm ceased, her heart tightened with a sense of urgency. You loved the man that effectively shattered one of her friend’s hearts. You deserved to know what he was like. You NEEDED to know. Before you let him back in, before he broke you more. 

“Y/N did I ever explain why I don’t like Felix?” You shook your head as it rested on her shoulder, her comforting hand resumed rubbing your arm in an almost motherly way. “Remember Heejin? My friend from my hip hop class? They used to talk, like last year. He was like how he was with you, romantic, kind, and sweet. But one day he just drops this bomb. He only saw her as a friend, he lead her on for like ever, they almost made out at the date party SKZ hosted last winter. She was messed up over it for a long time. I don’t want him hurting you more. Also Soobin really liked your date. Did you have a good time?” Her explanation stunned you that you didn’t even register the topic change. Felix was a player. You always picked the wrong guys. You had fallen for an act, a ploy to probably get into your pants and be left in the dust. That’s probably all it was. You shook your head from your spiral of misery and looked over at your friend as she playfully nudged you to encourage you to discuss the date she masterfully put together.

“Soobin was sweet, and really cute! But it felt more like a friendship than a potential relationship. I didn’t really see it going anywhere. On the bright side I think he’s going to make a great friend.” You sighed and sunk more into the couch. The overwhelming urge to cry came over you once again as Chaeryeong and Yeji hugged you tighter and cuddled you. They gently played with your hair and cooed comforting words to you trying to ease the stabbing pain in your chest.

Meanwhile at the SKZ house Chan was consoling a devastated Felix. Weeks had passed and the only word from you he would receive was an email with your slides from your project and some notes on the materials. You had gone from the girl he would destroy a city for to a stranger. It hurt him beyond words, your playful teasing and bubbly affirmations were ripped from his life so abruptly it was like his organs had been ripped out. 

“Chan I fucking love her, I didn’t realize until I lost her. Her friends only see me as a player because of the whole Heejin thing. I wish Heejin just explained that we’re cool now so I have a chance at winning my Bubbles back.” Chan nodded solemnly. 

“I know Lix, I hope she lets you explain soon I hate seeing you like this.”

Jisung overheard the conversation and had an idea, he walked over, bending down he whispered it to Chan with an expression that just screamed that he was some kind of love genius. “Han, that is so stupid it might just work.” Chan called a meeting for the five other house residents to join them at the couches. Operation Y/Nlix was in motion.

As night fell you sat in bed once again sadly watching Legally Blonde. You were about ready to recite the perm monologue as a loud thud of something hitting your window startled you. Going over to gaze out you couldn’t believe your eyes. Out on your apartment complex lawn stood all eight SKZ house residents holding up signs reading Y/N please hear Felix out! We beg! Felix held up his own sign, I know I’m an ass, just one chance please. Once they noticed you were looking at them Changbin cued up a speaker and I Want You Back by the Jackson 5 began blaring out for the whole neighborhood to hear. The girls all piled into your room and gave you the affirmative to go talk to him. You raced down the stairs to run over to the dancing and singing men. 

“Fine! Five Minutes.”

“Y/N uh shit I didn’t think this would work. Okay so I had been having a rough day just after we met and I couldn’t understand how someone could have so much energy and be just so positive all of the time. Your adorable ways of finding some good in everything honestly scared me. That’s why I’d ranted about you. I’m sorry.” He clutched your hands and had tears swelling up in his brown eyes, you gave him a nod and a small sad smile. 

“That doesn’t explain why you never told me about the Heejin situation. Ya know considering I have several mutual friends with her.” 

“Heejin and I talked things out in the spring, she liked me more than I liked her. We discussed how it was a whole misunderstanding.” He paused at your raised brow and doubtful expression. “I’m being serious, it was really a one sided crush and her being genuinely hurt. I understand that finding out someone you liked not liking you back really sucks and how she felt led on. I apologized and we’re cool now, she and I aren’t friends but we’re not enemies either.”

“Mkay I’ll take your word for it for now, you have some work to do to earn my trust back but I’m willing to give you a second chance.” His lanky arms engulfed you and he began rocking you side to side his laugh and smile warmed your heart once again. You knew he would have you falling for him all over again, and the thought didn’t scare you like it used to. It didn’t terrify you, it filled you with hope that your happy ending may actually exist this time around. 

The cool autumnal air began to make you shiver as the seasons changed, the semester’s end was closing in as the days flew by. The warmth of summer’s end was something you yearned for as you pulled your jacket closer to your body, your steps increased in speed as you made your way to the cafe you had met Soobin at previously. He had asked you on another date, one you had thought would be another friendly hang out. What you didn’t seem to realize was that your cheerful disposition had enamored the tall, bespectacled boy. He saw you as a radiant, angelic, hilarious, and of course beautiful girl. Someone whose mission it was to make those around her always happy. His analysis of you wasn’t incorrect by any means, however you were not reciprocative of his feelings. 

To you Soobin was sweet and adorable. His catlike smile, cute laugh, and goofy personality made you feel like he was someone you could be comfortable around. His energy was fairly similar to yours in a way that made you feel like you’d met yourself but as a boy. This made catching feelings for him a challenge for you, so alas Soobin’s crush on you was unrequited. Today, he was going to confess, so he had asked you to join him for coffee.

“Oh Soobin you didn’t have to buy my coffee for me!” You admonished as you sat across from him at the campus coffee shop. The pastel wall decor seemed to give you an angelic glow as he shyly smiled at you. 

“Of course I did angel! I invited you here after all! Now I have something I need to tell you.” You nodded and took a sip of the caramel flavored latte he had picked for you. You let out a soft sigh at the warm feeling it put in your chest after the cold air had frozen your bones during your walk. “Y/N, I-I like you um a lot. You’re beautiful, kind, funny, a wonderful listener, a genuinely wonderful person. I was wondering if I could get the chance to take you on an actual date?” His warm eyes reflected his desire for an affirmation that you reciprocated his emotions. 

“Oh wow Soobin I. I don’t know what to say. You are a wonderful guy, I genuinely do like your friendship a lot! You are someone I like being around. But, I just don’t see you the same way, I’m sorry.” You hung your head down apologetically and looked over to him to make sure he was okay. He nodded and gave you a half smile showing his dimples. You reached across the table for his hands and took them in yours. “I hope we can still be friends! I really like being your friend!” He smiled and nodded at that. You two stood and the tall boy wrapped you in a warm embrace. 

“I would love to still be your friend Y/Nnie you are so sweet.”

Meanwhile outside the cafe stood Felix, his dark attire reflecting the darkness that poured into his heart. He saw the way your face nuzzled into the taller male’s chest and how the pair of you seemed to clutch the other’s clothing to get closer. Who was the boy in the glasses? Why were you hugging him like that? Why did he get to hold you? Why were you smiling up at him like that? Why wasn’t it him? 

Felix’s inner turmoil began to swell as he watched the exchange, he couldn’t tear his eyes away as you and the taller boy interacted so happily. As you pulled away from Soobin your eyes locked with the brooding male’s through the cafe glass. Your eyes widened in surprise as the Australian visibly sighed and began to walk away, his head held low. You quickly excused yourself and bolted after the boy calling his name. 

“Felix! FELIX! WAIT!” His steps only seemed to grow faster as he marched away. Panic began to creep into your mind as you picked up the pace. You grabbed his shoulder and yanked him to a halt via his jacket. His eyes grew steely as he looked at you. 

“Did you just ditch your new boyfriend for me? Not a good look Y/N.” He grumbled as he tried to peel your grip off of him.

“Boyfriend? Huh? Felix, that's Soobin. Ya know? He’s a friend of the girls?” You tilted your head in confusion and scoffed lightly at his conclusion.

“You two looked awfully close. That’s all I’m saying Y/N.” His hair shook and his eyes grew cold and harsh as he cocked his head toward you.

“You almost always never call me by my first name what’s going on with you?” Your eyes grew pleading and you began to wring your hands anxiously as you silently begged for an explanation.

“Y/N, you offered me a very public second chance, then not even a week later I am seeing you acting like another man’s girlfriend. I thought I made it clear to you-” He cut himself off, shaking his head and scuffing the toe of his black combat boot against the ground. He let out a heavy sorrow filled sigh and slowly began to walk away. “Forget it. I’m happy for you, I’ll see you in stats.” Before he could step away your hands caught his wrist and you tugged him toward you. 

“Made what clear to me Felix? You’re jumping to conclusions like it’s an Olympic sport here! I’m confused.” You looked at him, your eyes swimming with hurt and confusion. With Felix everything felt one step forward, five steps back. You never seemed to move past the hurt you both felt from the party incident.

“Y/N don’t. Don’t do this.” His voice was barely a murmur.

“Do what Felix?”

“Don’t make me say it.”

“Say what Felix don’t play games with me.” Your voice grew laced with agitation and annoyance. He wasn’t like this what was going on? Who was this aggravated almost gangster like boy you knew as your friend? Why was he sad yet angry? 

“Please don’t make me admit how fucking in love with you I am.” With that you grabbed his face and pulled him into a heavy tear soaked kiss. Your arms wrapped around his neck as one of his hands found its home holding your waist and the other cupped your cheek. Your lips danced against one another as soft giggles and smiles made the kiss grow more playful. 

“You didn’t think I loved you too Grumpy Pants?” You teased as he sneakily tried to grope your butt with his hand. “Aye paws off the goods mister!” You laughed. 

“Well I clearly wasn’t thinking correctly seeing as you basically just swept me off my feet Bubbles.” He poked your cheek and wrapped his arms around you swaying you side to side gently. The cold autumnal air made you shiver slightly. 

“Y/N! Glad to see you found your person!” Soobin cut into your moment as he called from the cafe doorway. Your cheeks grew flushed as you hid your face into Felix’s neck. The boy just laughed and gave Soobin a nod as an acknowledgment. The next thing you knew your phone in your pocket began buzzing like a swarm of bees as your friends were all informed by the tall dark haired male of what happened. Felix encouraged you to check the texts. The only one that jumped out was Heejin on instagram wishing you well, she said she was happy that you as a mutual friend of hers found happiness. She also said she wanted you and Felix to find happiness together. It was sweet and you sent along your thanks.

The rest of the messages were just congratulatory ones from the SKZ boys and ITZY girls. As well as some teasing from both groups to not make them uncles and aunts any time soon. A smile graced your lips and you tilted your head as to give Felix another chaste kiss. 

“My place or yours baby?” You whispered into his ear. 

“For what angel?” He smirked thinking you were implying a rendezvous.

“Snuggles, video games, avoiding our project, and some snacking! What else?” You laughed as you saw a blush creep across his cheeks. “Oh you pervert! You wanted to hook up? At least ask me to be your girlfriend and buy me dinner first!” You bopped his shoulder and acted all scandalized which made Felix grow even more red faced and he sputtered out apologies mixed with deflections as to not make a scene. 

“Baby! Baby! Okay let’s go get dinner and I’ll get you some flowers and ask you the right way!” 

“Hmph. Fine!”

“Bubbles?”

“Yeah Grumpy Pants?”

“I love you!”

“I love you too! Now come on!!!! I want a penguin plushie and my flowers! Did you know penguins propose with rocks?”

“Your lack of good TV as a kid is showing.”

“HEY!” You both bursted into laughter, ear-to-ear grins stretched across your faces as you looked into one another’s eyes with pure adoration.

All was well, except for the fact that the two of you still had to do math work and not get distracted by your infatuation with the other. But, that’s tomorrow’s problem now isn’t it?

[th3-0bjectivist]

MAY 24’ PAGE UPDATE: We’re on Deviant Art now + EPIC INSTAGRAM RANT w/ Springin’ Chip!

Heya folks! It’s your new page mascot, Springin’ Chip, with a page update and this adorable pic of me growling at the camera.

I seem to have a natural penchant for making disturbing and unnatural faces for the camera, so we’re just going to roll with it for this post until the magic runs out! If you wanna know how things are going for me, eh, y’know, I’m fine I suppose. I’m sniffin’ lots of ass n’ crotch these days! I’m also trying to grab food off the kitchen table and counter if I can reach it (I have VERY long legs and I’m a food-aggressive A-hole), and I’m putting every possible thing that’s on the ground directly into my mouth! Being a puppy is awesome, it’s almost like you don’t have to be responsible for anything and everyone just cleans all your messes for you! Carpe diem, folks!

Firstly, thanks for all the likes and reposts out there, this page is officially full steam ahead! It’s beyond full steam ahead; it’s a rusty freight train operated by a perma-drunken operator at breakneck speeds over a shallow ravine!!! One of our paintings (that we thought was a real piece of shit) ended up getting nearly 500 hits within a few weeks! And just a few little house cleaning items; the next few weeks will be SPACE ART WEEK 24’ on this page, meaning everything we post will be space-themed. We do it every year on this blog, sometimes twice a year, and we mostly use it to bridge periods of slow art generation. We’ve got new art coming in about three weeks, for now enjoy the space art gifs and cosmic images.

***** And now for the primary page update: I wanted to draw your attention to the fact that th3-0bjectivist is on Deviant Art now. Earlier this year, we shut down our art store on Poshmark (it was simply not a great place to sell art, good overall site for more practical sales though). We also shut down our gallery page on Instagram. So, if you’re looking for a place to view a full gallery of, AND perhaps purchase th3-0bjectivist’s original art, please check out our Deviant Art page. If you would consider a purchase that would certainly be appreciated, money is TIGHT for us these days, my friends! For a pissed-off but comprehensive rant of Instagram from me, please click just below. *****

I suppose you guys want my review of Instagram in proper English now, then? Y’know, folks…. I busted my dog-ass to learn English for my contributions to this blog. The LEAST you could do for me is go out and learn just a little bit of canine for my sake. But, okay humans, without further ado, here’s the expletive-laden top five reasons th3-0bjectivist left Instagram in GLORIOUS ENGLISH!

1- Instagrams’ UI/UX eats ass with bare hands. I’m a dog, folks. I like ass. I like ass A LOT. You know what I DON’T like!? Having my nose forcibly buried deep inside IG’s plastic, ugly, squarish, basic-bitch design sphincter. I mean, seriously, who came up with this design ethos!? Josef Mengele? Text that you have to squint to see!??? The fact that I have to click on things several times because your wonky-ass click-targets are so small you gotta break out a lens magnifier to see where the hell they begin and end!?? Reminders to follow blogs that you purposefully unfollowed months ago?? Fuck that noise! This isn’t a website, merely looking at Instagram is torture under Geneva statutes and I would seriously advise anyone out there reading this to avoid IG’s horrendous site design at ALL FUCKING COSTS! You’d think over time Instagram would get better at this shit! Nope!! Same bullshit on Instagram, somehow gets WORSE every year. EAT ME, IG!!!

2- Instagram is simply NOT a friendly place for artists anymore. Never really was! Looking to promote your art on our platform!? Too bad, bitch! Sit your ass down and watch the SHITTIEST of shitty videos that our algorithm prioritizes over promoting an actual resurgence of grass-roots American culture because we are desperately trying to keep up with TikTok. Great initiative, IG! Hey next year, why don’t you try to bring EVEN MORE shitty videos of white pre-teen girls trying to dance in sync with Lady Gaga classics! WOOF! WOOF with a burning, acidic bark you clueless dipshits!

3- There is no sense of community on Instagram. We sign on to Deviant Art, for the first full day we are inundated with messages from absolutely everyone that notices we’re new… and they welcome us to the community. We sign on to IG, everyone ignores our profile in unison. Why? Because community is NOT prioritized on Instagram, the INDIVIDUAL is. This is the primary reason why it’s so common to see selfies on IG that depict a veritable slideshow of a ‘perfect life’. We know the whole ‘perfect life’ shtick is an act, folks. Again, I’m a spaniel dog, and even I can recognize you shouldn’t be smiling that much in all your pics… that’s not natural! But then again, if it weren’t for the ’perfect life’ selfie and couples shot, why would Instagram even fucking exist in the first place? Am I right folks!?

4- Too many scammers on Instagram. It’s amazing how, every time we post a painting to IG, we get a message from another motherfucker who wants to purchase our art NFT! WOW! What a deal! So, let me get this straight… I sell my digital art to you at NO COST for our work, and I get… nothing in return! Fuckin’ nothing. No money. No digital rights. No citation for intellectual property. No respect. No nothing. Hey NFT scammers!! Here’s the deal from here on out. You want our art NFT!? We want 10,000 dollars, per piece, up front. We’ll give you our Zelle account, send us 10,000 dollars, up front. No more bullshit. Send us money, send us money now. You want the intellectual property to own!? We’ll trade it for cold, hard, dirty, fatass dollar bills!!! You pay, we provide. You could just buy the physical canvas art and do whatever you want with it afterward! We’ll ship the damn thing to you for a pittance. JUST GIVE US THE LITTLE BIT OF MONEY WE’RE ASKING FOR YOU PEDANTIC, CLUELESS, INTERNET NFT SCAMMER-BITCH!!!

5- Instagram is a property of Meta. Failbook sucks. Instafail sucks. Even Zuckerberg doesn’t have faith in his own properties, to the point where he has cashed out to the tune of hundreds of millions and is actively seeking to hide away, underground, once the economic shit hits the fan in the United States. What a stand-up guy! All of you who are on Facebook and Instagram might want to start jumping ship while it’s still first-and-fashionable to do so.

As bad as Tumblr can be sometimes, at least there’s a community here. At least we have something of a megaphone here. And yes, we have our beloved pornbots, but the artistic community here still has standards, which is why we push for tasteful nudes over full on penetration. Check out th3-0's page on Deviant Art and enjoy SPACE ART WEEK 24' folks!

Thanks for joining me, until the next page update/rant! Springin’ Chip

[amb00bs]

Aaahh, I'm loving the pics from the springs! It looks so beautiful, and the water is so crystal clear. 😍😍 I love being outside, and I'm so jealous. We have rivers, lakes, and mountains where I live, but the rivers and lakes are never THAT blue and THAT clear.

I love to hike, kayak, fish, etc. Get my ass outdoors, and I'm in heaven. It's how I reset.

I've dated a couple of witches, and the witchy things intrigue me. However, I'm more into druidry. 🤗

Thrift store, antique stores, flea markets..... are all places I wouldn't mind spending my weekends. 😂 I use Facebook marketplace (modern yardsaling) entirely too much.

I am an introvert to my very core. Unless it's a concert/music festival, I don't want to be in a large ass crowd. Also, I went through a rough time, and the workers at the only gay club in town know me too well at this point. So, I prefer hanging out with friends around a fire. 🤣😂 I also enjoy disappearing for days at a time (my best friend calls it hobbit holing), and I only talk to my essential people to tell them essential things, like, I'm alive. 😂😂

The camping part of a music festival is ROUGH, and I fucking love camping. I always had our Bonnaroo site set up with a private shower, all the good camping stoves for meals, and a big ass fan. Yet, it still was absolutely miserable. My friends and I talked about doing a final hoorah and renting an RV for it.

I'm always down for music recs, and I do trust your taste now. So, sure!! I'm down. 😁

Thank you!!! I've been feeling so drawn to water lately, so any chance I can, I'm going to a spring. I wanna check out one's I've never been to, as a kid, my mom only took me to a select number of them, but florida has HUNDREDS of springs! I need to see them all!!! Lmao. But where are you from??? You said mountains, and I perked up, we don't got those here in flat ass florida 👀 and I haven't gone kayaking since high school, and that was the first time I've gone lolllll so I really wanna try that. Or paddleboarding. It sounds so fun!

And ooooo what is druiddry??? I don't think I've heard of that?? Im still a newbie with the witchcraft thing, so I don't practice often. But I just love the things I've learned so far. It's so freaking cool and fun hahah

I also use market place often, but my algorithm is messed up and I don't see anything cool other than rvs and places for rent 🥲 I need to fix it to see what cool shit is around. But yesssss my mom always took me thrifting and to yard sales/flea markets as a kid. I grew to love that shit myself lol!

And dudeeeeeee, I camped at Electric Forest and Imagine (with a big group) and I still couldn't enjoy it. I was miserable. I love the aspect of meeting neighbors and hearing all the wooktivities, and going to afters. But I need a proper bed and shower. An rv honestly sounds like a great solution!! But I know renting them isn't cheap, and getting an rv pass can be difficult since tickets for them are limited! But I hope you are able to do that! That sounds like a blast!

And yeah, lately I've been seeing my friends every weekend, but during the week, I'm to myself and take a business day or two to text back. So I get it 😂 and okay!!!! I send send you some mixes. That will probably be easier than sending a whole set of songs. Do you use soundcloud? Here's a Svdden Death mix back from 2020 when we only had digital raves online lmao: https://on.soundcloud.com/zA3dD

And a heavy mix from mvc 10:

https://on.soundcloud.com/vcXNq

They are long, so take your time listening. Maybe on a work commute or while cleaning lol. And if you don't like it, be honest! I can help you find other stuff you might like instead.

[shadaofallthings]

With how ChatGPT is trained its actually a pain in the ass to keep it from doing fucked up shit if given enough time and the wrong input. Imagine, for a moment, you are a child again. Like, young enough you are still learning to socialize. All you have as a guideline is people’s sparse comments about how well you socialize or more commonly their issues with how you socialize. You don’t know how things are structured, you don’t know when to bring up a topic or not, you just know that you should be doing things you see others doing and you should try to parse the structure in which they happen. But every now and then you will get a left field result that is hard for anyone to know what to do with, or even ends up deeply upsetting people. All before you know what you really did. But for the broad strokes you’ll get there soon enough to at least, hopefully, keep a reasonable individual from yelling at you on a regular. And even then your situation might be so bad you develop maladaptive skills that will harm your ability to socialize later in life. Now, imagine ChatGPT like that child, but on a larger scale. Also with a certain caveat: While human children can figure out needing to say “Hello” when they wanna greet someone to start a conversation, any machine learning model will need hundreds of thousands of instances of that, and then multiple instances of getting rewarded for that behavior to realize both “Oh wait this is a thing” and then “Oh wait this is a thing I should do”. Now think for a moment about how many people online have ever told anyone “KYS” or similar, or encouraged someone break up with their spouse over good or bad reasons, or said that XYZ type of person should die... And then suddenly you know why modern AI developed chatbots are worse than 4chan’s worst bigoted madmen if you get them going long enough. The worst part? You gotta manually sift through the data if you wanna really uproot that shit from the algorithm. You gotta sit there, parsing machine code for weeks to understand a small set of datapoints that will add up to .00001% of the total workload. Or you gotta get more purpose designed AI to do it for you, since a limited scope gives AI more ability to figure out what they should be doing. 

There have been chat bots since the 80s and even those early ones were fun to mess with so why is that technology still almost never used in video games to generate infinite npc dialog in real time?? Just have scripted stuff where you need it. I've seen discussion of this where people complain that the results might get weird and break iMmErSiOn. Man live a little.

[violetsystems]

#personal

Outside of looking for jobs and hanging out with mutuals here, I lead an extremely boring life. Or so it would seem. I've tried to increase my visibility on social media a bit but it seems like I'm not important enough to bleed through any algorithmic wall. My old job was getting sort of long in the tooth and I had been networking to find another path. But I come from an era where if being too weird on high profile social media would interfere with those kind of career goals. For as under the radar I am, people do single me out and target me often. And the last few weeks, it's been a certain type of person who apparently got my number off my CV. Everybody down here knows I've written at length about bizarre shit in my own cringeworthy way. It's half trauma dump and half police blotter. But how it all shakes out is what I pay attention to. And while people might stalk my Tumblr, I don't really interact too much with people I don't really know. Seeing as how random women from China and Singapore just casually text me like it's the wrong number. I had to put the kibosh on that by impersonating a field agent. It doesn't really register to people when I tell them that my current job is somewhere between private detective and cybersecurity professional. You'd have to be Columbo to find a job in this market at my age. But Tumblr to me always resembled the house parties I used to frequent back in the day when I worked at an art school. People were more focused on a community back then. Although I remember the fateful halloween when I was stuck in a corner at a party by myself scrolling through this app on my phone. The etiquette and culture of Tumblr these days has evolved as we've all aged maybe. I still don't really know who anyone is. And it's in this anonymity that you really connect with people in an honest way. Talking through images rather than beating people over the head with sales pitches and commercial networking is a lot more intimate to me. Like being on a couch at party with friends, leaning over to whisper in someone's ear over all the noise. And then there's Linkedin where it seems only rich Asian women find me interesting enough to text out of nowhere and berate me for being poor. But for all the crazy shit I've written on here, I've only really been hazed and bullied in real life almost every day of it. But I think it has more to do with people's perception of me outside of here. Nobody but my real friends read these. Nobody in my past life really even bothers to check in on me to see if I'm ok. So all I really have is the peace and quiet of this platform. And how dead to the world I am because of it.

I bring up this Hiroshi Fujiwara quote every six months to explain how I feel about this site. He said because of the internet there aren't really any more revivals anymore. The punk way of finding out what you are into via the internet is very close to the house party scene that vanished into clubs. You'd go to a basement show and see some sick ass fucking shit. You'd meet some people and it would be a chaotic mess of noise, art, and free spirit. Now everything needs to be monetized. I keep hearing about all these people dj'ing now that have to sell tickets or promote fake plants who might just be undercover police. How nobody makes music really or it's not important enough to listen to. I had one person I fell out of contact with tell another friend I'm sort of falling out of contact with that I needed to "get back on my social media grind." I was a great producer. But there was something missing. I didn't expose my facial features to the Instagram AI enough to be a real person. Instagram isn't going to pay me. Neither is Tumblr but it's the thought that counts. I spent most of the last two and a half years trying to maintain a professional presence on the professional website where you can get a job. And I hung out in not so much the vip lounge but the smoking section of Denny's comparatively when you think about my time on Tumblr. People aren't afraid to be seen because nobody is watching. And when people come down here to watch, I wonder sometimes if the algorithm just throws weak shit out of orbit. If I wanted to meet new people, they seem to think my resume at this point is a dating service. Pete Davidson can't even get a number at the Met Gala. I have a different problem. But it's something I'm trained professionally to deal with as a cybersecurity contractor nobody seems to want to admit breathes or has fiscal needs beyond my own passive income. I'm everybody's favorite punching bag by proxy for something I'm not even part of anymore. Art School hired me for two decades then shunned me like I wasn't cool anymore. And I ended up down here cash positive while everyone else is worried about resuming their student loans. That's not something I make light of. But I have a hard time feeling sorry for fake ass bullshit when it tries to pretend I died instead of acknowledging the pain I put behind me.

For whatever it's worth I write here week after week because I choose to. If I really believed in fate, then the scientific method has taught me it only nudges you in a general direction. You have to make the choice to focus on what you really want. That bit about evil I was going to write about in Time Bandits is mostly from that catfished WhatsApp storm of messages. Do I believe in fate? Do I believe that the people I've grown close to on Tumblr and off have nothing to do with me making a choice to change my own orbit? No. I could have sat here and been the person everyone out there wants me to be. Weak. Complacent. Never questioning anything. Afraid to speak my mind in fear someone will make fun of what I say. We are way past those red lines. What I walk through every day is nothing more than some ghetto ass catwalk slash commercial for an under appreciative audience of people ready to throw tomatoes at the world stage. The culture has fallen into atrophy. CEO's think they can become social media czars and turn entire platforms into a standing meeting or SCRUM. And that person had the money to buy it out completely. I was on Linkedin the other day and Yahoo had a poll about what other social media were you going to choose like it was the Pepsi Coca Cola wars all over again. Obviously Tumblr wasn't listed. I said the one you let get away. The reality that Tumblr is weird has a lot more to do with being shunned, abandoned and left to grow. Nobody wanted to pay attention to our wants and needs or what we thought was cool. And now what we all thought was cringe is just the unassuming and honest embrace of the underground. There's nothing really to keep weird other than the vision of what we've all become. Ourselves. The book True Names by Vernor Vinge embraced the ethos of what Cyber "Punk" was supposed to be about. You never gave your true name unless you wanted them to find you. And in my case, I've always been on main. That's been my ideological choice to be hardcore. Even if my name isn't my own. Just like the samples I've used in my music has gotten me excommunicated by Pitchfork and Hyperdub as some divine punishment for following the rules of a music called Jungle which sampled the Amen Brother so many fucking times that it's the idea and not the intellectual property. Do I fucking care? No. Everybody knows me in the She-Hulk sense of the word. Violet Fucking Systems. And I run the hazy strategically ambiguous culture that has connected me in bizarre ways to people I love without saying a word. Nobody will ever understand it or get close enough to it if only to throw rocks. And the cringe shield around me is about as thick as the ass I focus on daily. Poetically speaking of course. I don't know how fat your ass is, baby. Though I'm sure it's juicy in the exotic burger sense of the word. But I love you for it just the same. In the gyakusou sense. Which in Japanese means reverse cowgirl or something. I dunno. It's the only one for me. Just like Tumblr. <3 Tim

[ayellowcurtain]

I can be your lover

Part 5

6 months later

Robbe bites the corner of his bottom lip while staring down, pulling the skin of his thumb until it hurts, ripping it off, brushing the dead skin to the ground carelessly. He grew used to just sitting here and being watched, it doesn’t bother him anymore, not too much at least.

He doesn’t know what to say. He’s been coming to therapy every week in hopes it would help him figure himself out but he feels the worst he’s ever felt.

“I feel useless.” Robbe answers the question that he didn’t get today yet. It’s always the first one so he decided to spare them the trouble. He looks through his eyelashes, finding his therapist staring at him in disapproval of using words such as useless to describe himself.

“I feel like everything is out of my control so there’s no point in trying, really.”

There’s a long silence, a slow breath out and Robbe sighs, relaxing on his chair, meeting his doctor’s eyes, finally even if he doesn’t feel completely comfortable doing so. He feels uneasy, exposed and it bothers him to have to deal with it.

“What happened?” Robbe looks at the notepad on her lap, all his stupid insecurities and mental problems probably written down for anyone to read if given the chance.

“Me and Sander had a fight.” It was the worst fight ever, with them talking over each other and loudly. Robbe loves Sander the same but it feels like it’s really the end this time. They can’t go on like this anymore, Robbe is really at the edge. “I don’t want to do this anymore but I still love him so it’s just...fucked up.”

He does some of the breathing exercises he grew used to doing in the past few months like she suggests he to do often when he’s feeling like this but he knows it won’t help this time, he’s too deep inside his head to let the anger and frustration go every time he breathes out, pretending he’s also letting go of the negative thoughts about himself. He should have cancelled this session because it’s not working, not even talking about it makes him change his mind, see things differently.

He should have stayed home and studied for his finals, it would be a better use of his time. She gives him a notepad and a pencil to do whatever he wants with it: write, draw, scribble. She doesn’t say that but it’s obviously her way to keep him from pulling more skin off his fingers. It’s already a little too late, most of his fingers are burning already but he tries to keep his hands busy anyway, drawing random shapes and lines.

Robbe puts his pencil down when there’s no more room in the page to draw.

“I need to walk away. It’s for the best for both of us. I’ll block him everywhere so I can’t see things and I’ll just let him be while he’s away. And if he ever comes back, maybe we’ll talk if he also feels like it.”

“I think you should calm down, think about it for a few days and not make a one way decision when there are two people involved.” Robbe looks at her and gives back the notepad, “I think he would like you to hear what he has to say about your decision. You two have been in an intimate relationship for a while. Not just romantically but as very close friends.”

Robbe shakes his head, putting his hands inside his pockets, closing his fingers around his thumb until it hurts, “I can’t talk to him or I’ll change my mind.”

-

12 months later

Robbe drops his keys on the little bench he bought to put right next to his door, the exact same layout as it was when he lived with Zoe and Milan (and then Senne. And Sander.). It was another long day of college and work, the last one of an endless week. He turns the lights on and takes his shoes off, kicking them under the bench. Tomorrow he will clean and organize properly. For now, he’ll leave everything as it is. The good side of living alone. The rest sucks but Robbe will never tell anyone about feeling like that. He never thought he was the type to need people around him every day, all day until he had to come home to an empty apartment every night.

It doesn’t happen that often, especially on the weekends, considering his friends are all over the city these days but it happens too often for Robbe’s liking. Zoe and Milan are out of town together, Senne offered to keep him company but they would be two grumpy and tired men so it would be useless. Jens is out of town too, Aaron and Amber are not an option - Robbe can’t have a disgustingly in love couple around anymore - and Moyo is with Britt and Noor. It’s good to be alone sometimes, he tries to convince himself as he reaches the kitchen, opening the fridge. Nothing other than the beers at the bottom excites him so ordering something for dinner it is. Robbe is starving so he makes a very quick search of his phone and decides for the italian restaurant that promises to deliver his food in less than half an hour.

Robbe opens his first beer of the night and throws himself on his couch, looking around, feeling like it’s a new place all of a sudden. Sometimes it hits him that he has his own place now. And that he’s alone. Therapy has been helpful and he can tell the difference when he’s about to have some pretty bad days in the worst possible mood and when his reality is just underwhelming in his eyes and he’ll get over it soon enough. He never thought this would be his life. It’s not a bad one but it’s not what he had planned.

He forces himself to get up once he manages to change his mindset and he takes his clothes off, leaving it on the living room so it’s closer to the laundry machine once he’s clean. He turns some music on and puts it to play all over the apartment, putting his phone down, singing along to Bowie as he shaves the scruff that was starting to get out of hand on his face, he takes a quick shower and while he’s putting his clothes to wash, his food gets home.

Robbe rushes down to grab it and thanks the delivery boy, rushing back inside, lighting some candles just because they’re there, getting dusty and old. He never bothered to buy a dinning table because there’s a small island right there. He sits on the stool and eats, staring at his food and the candle in front of them. His instagram isn’t as updated as it used to.

A long time ago Robbe decided to give himself more time offline, focusing on college and his internship and he’s been good at keeping that mindset most of the time, afraid to spend too many hours per day online, looking for what he’s still having to choose, day in and day out, to keep his distance from so he doesn’t hurt Sander even more.

But he doesn’t care as much tonight, so he takes a picture of his dinner for one and the sad candle in front of him and posts it to his stories, locking his phone instantly, putting it down to eat in peace.

He keeps glancing at it, careful like it could burn if he dared to grab his phone and check. It would be a lie if he said he doesn’t miss Sander but he has learned to live with it. Long distance wasn’t going to work. Robbe is happy for the ones that can jump out of their comfort zone but he can’t and he’s okay with it by now, after months and months of therapy. The only thing he can do is not drag other people into living life this way too if they don’t feel like it.

Sander is happy somewhere else and Robbe is happy that he’s happy. Easy as that.

He eats his food and washes the dishes he left this morning right after or else he would get too tired to do it before going to bed and he doesn’t feel like waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes. He washes his clothes and folds them once they’re dry and warm out of the drier. Plays some video games, and finally crashes into his bed, searching for some comfort movie to watch as he falls asleep. He doesn’t last half an hour watching it, he’ll have to start again if he really wants to watch this movie some other time, but thankfully he had already scheduled his tv to turn off after one hour and a half.

He miraculously wakes up only once in the middle of the night and almost as an afterthought, like he would do so often when he was younger, Robbe grabs his phone to check for any new notifications. Robbe read a lot about algorithms when he had nothing better to do one day because it felt like it’s a theme lately so he knows it doesn’t mean shit but he can’t help but stare at the first name on the list of people who watched his sad dinner stories.

earthlinggoddity

There’s the red-ish circle around his name but Robbe puts his phone down, the screen still bright staring at his mattress as he rolls to the other side, pulling the heavy comforter to wrap around him like a tight burrito, and he closes his eyes again. If he’s still thinking about it tomorrow, with an awake and fully functioning brain, he’ll watch whatever Sander posted if it’s still there. He shouldn’t do it now, half asleep or Robbe won’t be able to go back to sleep thinking about how badly he misses Sander.

He can’t remember his dreams when he wakes up, it’s like he blinked and it was morning already. He feels rested but still mentally tired or empty, one of the two.

His phone is still right next to him, under the pillow he never uses and so he grabs it, checking the notification that just popped on his screen a few minutes ago from Moyo.

What are you doing today, my friend? Felt like we could go skate, smoke a little bit, for old time’s sake.

Robbe sighs, clicking on it, opening his conversation with Moyo.

That sounds like a perfect Saturday to me, my friend. Meet in one hour? I’m still in bed…

While he waits for the answer, the three dots already dancing on his screen, Robbe shakes his head. It’s still somewhat early, just now past eleven so he wonders if Moyo had any sleep. He does sound in a great mood though, Robbe is happy for him but also envying his enthusiasm about life, so early on a Saturday morning.

Jesus Christ, bro. You used to be an early bird. Working your ass off isn’t paying off, huh? One hour and don’t be fucking LATE!

Robbe knows what changed that he’s not an early, happy-chappy human anymore but he won’t bother anyone else with that conversation again. He pushes himself up to put some clothes on and go meet Moyo, making a pitstop for a quick breakfast on his way there.

[dark-muse-iris]

Iris!!! I have a question for you - i took some time away from kpop since 2020 (i got a bit obsessive with it to a point where it was interfering with my actual life. I didn't realize I was dealing with something and kpop was my escape)..Anyway I'm in a MUCH better headspace now and would like to get back into it little by little...any advice on this? Also any new awesome songs/groups that came out since then? Hope youve been well too, i know you were gone for a while and noticed youve been active again lately. Always loved your fics. Anyway thank you for everything and hope you are doing well 💖

Hi, anon! I'm a bit delayed with messages since I was on a work trip for the last week and still trying to get caught up. I gave this some thought over the last few days and have some advice:

Listen to everything like you're a stranger wandering around a bar alone. I recommend listening to a k-pop mix playlist without knowing the names of the groups in advance. Not knowing who you're listening to until the point of falling for them is essential. Just let the algorithm throw some shit and see what sticks.

I've learned over the years that there are TONS of great groups out there who haven't been promoted or even listened to by most of my k-pop friends. Relying solely on friends for music choices will always cut off a lesser known gem OR it'll poison the well against groups who are honestly the shit and have talents worth celebrating. I've encountered a lot of music fans who claim to be bored by k-pop and have only listened to one or two groups. That's 100% a personal choice. To me, they're someone who only eats cereal and claims to not be enthused for breakfast. Breakfast could be the most magical time of your day if you went to a buffet and got some eggs and bacon and savory goodness!

I'm still sad I fell into this trap in my first year as a k-pop fan (I was a VIP and Blackjack first). I found BIGBANG and 2NE1 on my own thanks to insomnia and being up too late, but I arrived at EXO's discography about 3 years late because of stupid fanwar shit. I learned and grew from that, which is why I now pitch discovering groups solo whenever you can. I found BTS at 2 AM in 2015 and didn't make a friend over them until I was already in for over a year. A lot of my faves have gone that way. I was the only person I knew who loved Dreamcatcher for at least 2 years and no one ruined that for me because I was too far up their ass for anyone to talk me out of it. Other groups I discovered and enjoyed largely alone: KARD, AOA, Boys Republic, 9Muses, 4Minute, FIESTAR (omfggg), and I'm sure that's not all of them.

The last Korean act I discovered alone was BIBI and I think I stimmed to KAZINO for about 3 hours on the first playthrough. I had my good headphones and that was a treasured experience that no one ruined. I know one person who listens to her and we've never talked about her music. Would I trade that track for a chance to have friends around to chat up something else? Hell no! lolll

I appreciate you sharing your circumstances of being away for a while because I think personal boundaries are essential in everything. There's a lot of pressure to participate in a lot of different facets of the community/fandom and the companies absolutely market with the aim of addiction in mind. But you can be a casual listener for most groups and be a hardcore fan to a few if you want. Let's be honest: unless you're rich, you can't afford to be a diehard fan of everyone and go to all the shows and buy all the stuff. The same is true for time. You may not have time to enjoy every piece of content a group puts out. That doesn't make you less of a fan no matter what anyone says. Ultimately, my faves don't know who I am. I have almost no impact on their life aside from a number on a spreadsheet. We're all ships passing in the ocean or however the phrasing goes; as a fan, I have to make decisions I can live with long-term.

[sofijaeger]

so i took my psats today and lemme tell you...

IT SUCKED ASS

i sat for four hours reading about bumblebees and ravens, for what? to most likely receive a three-digit number as my score😫

And it didn’t help that I thought about:

HOW THE AOT FAM TAKES BIG > TESTS <

| modern, high school au |

eren. would be completely out of the zone from the start. Waking up early only to sit still for hours, on top of trying to complete questions within restrictions of time gets him so frustrated. How can he answer the questions when he’s forced to read page-long excerpts in less than a minute? He thinks the tests are absolutely ridiculous (and used these reasons to back up his real excuse of never knowing there was a prep course).

jean. To be fair, he did try at the beginning, and understood a good amount of the questions, but his brain couldn’t separate math and calculator, so by the start of the third section he was a goner. Probably watched the PSAT cheats and tricks on tik tok for prep, and by the end he just randomly bubbled answers in hopes the majority of them would be right.

armin. Let’s all think logically here and say that armin prepped before it was even mentioned at school, and he plugged his scores into his early college account from the previous years so it was ✨personalized✨ for his advanced learning capabilities. He still didn’t enjoy sitting in his seat for so long, and became fatigued quickly. Mom and Pap’s were most likely the main source of pressure, and he studied so much the poor baby didn’t see his friends for weeks:( Besides that, it’s safe to say he’s winning a National Merit Scholarship😌🏆

mikasa. I see her being such a great student and making very little mistakes, but those small slip ups can affect a lot and IT BOTHERS HER. Can she answer all the questions? with pin-point accuracy, but she’s completely unaware of time management, and she’ll be bubbling her answer into question 9 out of 36 at the ‘10 minutes left’ mark. Lowkey gets pissed in the last few sections and might even bubble random answers if she must.

Reiner. The poor dude has so much potential, and is a very academically and athletically inclined student, but cannot function in silence no matter how hard he tries. Something about hearing his own thoughts gets the best of his anxiety, and he probably shakes his leg like a motor engine or uses his #2 pencils to become the lead drummer in a rock band to think out each questions. Every, single, one. Everyone continuously tells him to stfu.

Historia. she also prepped for the test, but not as much as armin because she has to keep her social life in check too. Was definitely prepared for the test until she got there, because she wore a light blouse or something and forgot that testing rooms are ALWAYS cold. (idk man it’s the algorithm). bb was shivering the whole time and could barely focus

Ymir. Who the fuck put ymir at the opposite side of the classroom as Historia. Ymir couldn’t really care less about the test, but actually tried until she heard tiny teeth chattering from the other side of the room. She was so pissed the entire time watching her poor girl freeze, and she would’ve gotten up and given her, her jacket if it werent for Levi sitting at the desk right next to her.

Levi. HAH he’s the supervisor. Mainly because he’s the only person who manages to shut the entire class up, yet he seemed very content knowing he could receive a peaceful quietness for a few hours. His eyebrows even unfurrowed for the first time in well, forever. I know y’all would think he did exceptionally well, but this dude didn’t give one shit back when he was in high school. (Still managed to snag a decent score bc he’s god-like🙄🤚🏼)

Sasha. Academic wise she did quite well, and didn’t stress in either subject bc she’s pretty smart, she just won’t admit it. But when this girl realized she couldn’t touch her snacks for 4 freaking hours she threw a fit. Had a whole thanksgiving meal before she got to school, and kept fidgeting in her seat to make her tummy grumbles go away. (they never went away).

connie. he assumed it wasn’t mandatory and didn’t show up to school for his freashman practice. He slept through his sophomore one too. By Junior year though he wanted to take it more seriously and tried asking teachers and friends around for help, but since covid rolled around, it wasn’t mandatory anymore. Babes never signed up and has still yet to take it😩.

I might do a part two, so let me know if you’d like that!!

[vannahfanfics]

Vannah please your writing is so good, I honestly think it has to do with the fandoms. I can't say for other fandoms, but the BNHA one has been steadily dying. And the fact that the series is more relevant than ever because of the new chapters in the manga makes it obvious it has nothing to do with the series itself dying, rather the fandom itself. I don't like complaining or shifting blame but damn the readers in this community have just been consuming and consuming and consuming, without sparing a minute of their day to give back to the content creators. More and more writers are done with writing, and new writers are discouraged from starting because of this. Few new creators are popping up, and some of the already sizable blogs aren't posting as much because of this lack of interaction. It's sad.

It's always my moots who actively support me, and the odd vocal reader here and there but other than that it's just lurking all around. I'm getting more frustrated with it by the day if I'm being completely honest. I'm gonna make a post about this if the fandom continues in its ways, watch it get no notes lol

Silky, my night in shining armor coming to lift my spirits <3 Thank you. I totally get what you mean; it definitely feels like the MHA fandom is the quietest when it comes to this kind of stuff. But it definitely pervades most fandom culture I think. 

Other than the handful of dedicated readers I have who comment on the stuff they enjoy, it just feels like people are just consuming without even considering the fact that there’s a living, breathing person behind the content, ya know? As nice of a sentiment as “create for yourself” is, I’m not on here putting out my writing to the world with out expecting just a little bit of recompense. It’s downright exhausting to be churning out content like this, big and small, and not even getting likes any more! Part of that I’m sure is Tumblr’s jank algorithm, but you can’t deny that the culture of not reblogging or commenting (or even liking in recent months) contributes a big deal for people getting significantly less notes than they used to. 

I’m lucky if my work gets above ten notes these days. And on one hand I feel selfish for complaining but on the other hand, why shouldn’t I complain? I’m putting my heart and soul into these pieces and I get so little in return. I love the people who do interact with me because they keep me going, but I can only go on for so long with the same five or ten people before the disconnect becomes so much more glaring, and that’s the same for all creators! 

I don’t want to stop writing. It’s what helps keep me sane with school, but at this point it feels like just as much an energy sink. Why tire myself out writing after I’ve busted my ass with school all day when I’ll be lucky to get a handful of likes, maybe a reblog or comment if it’s the right time of day? I can see why so many content creators are just abandoning it. So many times in the last week have I struggled to put words on paper, just staring at my word document for half an hour at a time wondering what’s the point when the people who read it- if they do- won’t bother to say anything and I’ll wonder if I just can’t hack it anymore. 

We can all do better. I can find more time to read and support other’s work. I can make more of an effort to comment on the stuff I do reblog to my promotion blog. But the lack of drive taints everything, and so we have to fix the root of the problem and work better to buoy content creators up on this site, ya know? Content creators are the backbone of fandom and fandom is dying because of the shift to just idly consuming content instead of celebrating and sharing content. And that’s so sad. Because what will we have when all the writers and artists and GIF makers are gone? 

TLDR; support your mutuals at least because we’re all floundering out here. 

Silky, start tagging me in shit and you bet your ass I’ll start reblogging it. That goes for everyone! Due to school I’m not on most of the time but I check my notes throughout the day and will get to every single one of the things you want shared! And follow my sharing blog @vannah-spotlight. And for the love of all things, like what you consume. Reblog to share it with others. If you’re feeling frisky, comment or write something in the tags. Creators need that more than ever in these bleak times.

[michaelgovehateblog]

This isn’t politics related but you seem to have a few followers and I guess it’s to ask if others have had the same exp on Instagram, as it’s been really weird for me lately. Like followers will disappear and others will be like “cannot find account” even though I’m on their page (kind of like random soft bans) and other accounts will be called Instagrammer and not have any info but you can see their avatar and send messages, and just weird shit like that. Like in the last week, I gained followers but my count is like 20 less and falls every time I go on, but I’ll have had more follows and stuff. And the people i usually see most/friends are at the ass end of the feed now. It’s like they’ve done some algorithm stuff but it’s got real messy idk. I hate social media but I use it for work, so it’s hard to shrug it off as I have a decent sized client base from Insta and it’s just like, what fun 🙄

I personally hardly use insta, anyone been having the same issues?

[personalattack16]

Sites Like Tinder Meets

Sites Like Tinder Meets People

Free Dating Apps Like Tinder

In the beginning of February, we warned you that Tinder was about to monetize their their app AKA charge for swipes. Tinder’s premium service launched on Monday and there was a new stinky wrinkle; a bit of age discrimination towards horny users aged 30+. Users between 18 and 29-years-old will have to pay $9.99 for unlimited swipes, but anyone over the age of 30-years-old pays $19.99. Dirty deeds and ageism right there by taking advantage of thirsty individuals over 30, who really want to get ass from an app too.

With Tinder, the world’s most popular free dating app, you have millions of other single people at your fingertips and they’re all ready to meet someone like you. Whether you’re straight or in the LGBTQIA community, Tinder’s here to bring you all the sparks. Tinder Meets Review - If you are looking for a simple way to meet someone, then try our popular online dating service. Tinder profile search, tinder review app, unlock tinder reviews, is tinder good, free tinder search, review tinder dating site, tinder dating review, tinder scam.

Tinder is awesome, but free is even more awesomer. If you are strapped for cash or just looking for a new dating app, we have 15 alternatives to Tinder.

There are so many location-based dating apps, but Happn is really, really location-based. It matches you up with potential people that you’ve been recently near (Approximately one city block). You’ll be able to see the number of times you’ve crossed paths with someone, as well as the time and place of your last encounter. Actually, it sounds kinda stalkerish.

Available for iOS and Android.

This app does not want any daters with failing grades. The Grade will reward users who are very dateable, have a quality profile, response rate and tone of messages. However those who fail to meet quality standards receive failing grades. An algorithm assigns a letter grade to users which range from “A+” to “F.” Do you think your profile would make the grade?

Available for iOS.

Hinge suggests matches of your Facebook friends, friends of your friends or third-degree friends. You’ll receive a whole list of potential suitors every day, then you can swipe right or left. For better or worse, Hinge markets itself as the “anti-Tinder.” The downside is having a much smaller dating pool, and people who may actually know what a piece of shit you really are. It’s currently only available in 34 cities.

Available for iOS and Android.

Revealr utilizes not only words and photos to help you get acquainted with someone, but also audio. The user’s photos are pixelated, so matches are not solely based on looks. Every user records a 20-second audio clip and if you like what you hear you can match up.

Available on iOS.

While men are usually the aggressive party in most dating apps, that is not the case at Bumble. The app is said to be “run by girls,” and men can’t send the first message to women. Act fast because the chance to connect disappears after 24 hours.

The app also gives more information than most dating apps. You can share such intimate details as occupation and education history. It looks much like Tinder because Bumble was founded by Tinder co-founder Whitney Wolfe.

Available on iOS.

For those who are a little more picky who they want to date, The League is for you. It connects to your Facebook and LinkedIn to determine if you are qualified to be on the dating app. You are then placed on a waitlist to determine if you are boushie enough before being accepted into the app.

Sites Like Tinder Meets People

If and when you are deemed worthy of being on the exclusive app you’ll get five matches a day. Currently The League is only available in San Francisco, but it is expected to be in New York City, Atlanta, Seattle and Denver soon.

Available on iOS.

Pure claims that it is “The Uber for dates.” I don’t really know what that even means. Does some creepy guy pick you up in a beat up 2001 Mitsubishi Gallant when you can’t drive home because you had too many Strongbow Ciders?

It’s very similar in Tinder in seeking people to hookup. However requests and photos are only available to those with matching search criteria. When you download the app you’re given five free tickets. Each one is good for one hour of your profile being visible by potential partners. However this is some Candy Crush bullshit where you’ll need to purchase more tickets to extend your presence on the app. Only your first five hook up attempts are free. But regardless of the success of the posting, you will have to spend a ticket each time.

Available on iOS and coming soon to Android.

Loveflutter is what would happen if Tinder and Twitter fucked and had a dating app baby. The app blurs people’s profile photo and you only have a 140-character description of them to base your interest. This seems perfect for the “But he/she has a great personality” crowd.

Available on iOS.

Love Milky Chance, The Weeknd or Black Keys and only want to meet a chill chick that has the same taste in music as you? Tastebuds.fm does just that. With Spotify and iTunes integration, you can seek out those with similar preference in music, including bands and genre. Available on iOS.

The Down app was previously the ever romantic “Bang With Friends” app. The site encourages users to “Skip the chatting, and get to smacking those cheeks.” It utilizes Facebook to help you get the nerve to approach that super hot chick on Facebook that you’ve been to terrified to approach.

Available on iOS and Android.

Looking to meet someone who loves posting photos of their coq au vin dinner and excursions to Bermuda? Glimpse may be for you. The app connects to a user’s Instagram account. Use your love for photography to meet that cool, new chick.

Available on iOS.

Skout is much like Tinder, and much like Tinder they have a free version and a premium version. Your location isn’t revealed unless you choose to do so. It does have very good reviews on iTunes and the Google Play store. The downside is that there are annoying ads and only upgrading to Skout+ will get rid of them.

Available on iOS and Android.

Make your bubeleh proud and stop kvetching that you can’t find a nice Jewish girl. Be a real mensch and join JSwipe and hope you don’t get stuck with a meschugena.

Available on iOS and Android.

Coffee Meets Bagel just sounds like a nice, quaint place to meet a lovely girl. It connects to your Facebook and presents you with one match each day at noon. If you both like each other you can then chitchat for a week on the app, after that the line of communication is cut… unless you pay to upgrade your perks.

Available on iOS and Android.

Free Dating Apps Like Tinder

Do you have a beard or are you a gal that appreciates a man with a beard? Welcome to Bristlr, a dating app that claims, “Connecting those with beards to those who want to stroke beards.” Sorry clean-shaven bros, you need not apply.

Available on iOS and Android.

[musicdork]

jjba social media/tiktok au!! (hcs)

there’s a lot about josuke im so sorry sfjlesfejk,, it started out as just him and then i was like “”,, what about other people?”” other’s are at the very end

it’s pretty fuckin long i,, im so sorry hh,, also my thought process was kinda Everywhere with this so like,, hope you can still enjoy this haha

[ edit ] this’ll be like,,, a masterpost or something for my hcs so this is,, very long,,

- you CANNOT tell me that Josuke isn't the kind of person who'd make thirst traps n him just being confident in his body like!!!

- tiktok josuke would be a blessing for me

- he'd make the thirst traps but in the caption be all embarrassed about it and like???? hOW ADORABLE!!!!

- i also feel like he'd make some gaming jokes,,,

- then ppl see jotaro a couple times and are like 👁️👄👁️💦

- OH MY GOD

- WHAT IF HE GOT OKUYASU N KOICHI TO DO SOME DANCES WITH HIM!!! or just them generally being dorks n they have a whole fanbase

- AND THE GIRLS AND THE GAYS GO BATSHIT LMAO (he's on gay tiktok, period. and like, other niche n weird spaces of tiktok)

- josuke's making a tiktok and it starts off in his room. he points up n text appears, "you guys wanna know how joot and i are related?"

- then he does a basic transition to where he's at jotaro's hotel room, having him and jotaro in frame with an arm wrapped around his shoulder.

- josuke's grinning

- jotaro has no fuckin clue whats going on

- a text appears above them, "say hello to my little nephew"

- i can see josuke doing povs, not the cringey kind but some that would be comforting for others;; who really need it.

- for his username my brain came up with starboy99 but he would definitely have his full name at the top of the screen

- probably part japanese to shorten the amount of characters he has to use (what i should've said is part KANJI n part romanji but hhh)

- i feel like he uses they pronouns too

- i have to think of his bio 👀

- definitely have his pronouns

- maybe a small quote? "just here to have a bizarre adventure! 💫"

- maybe something like that

- DEFINITELY have that he's a minor cause when he didn't have that,,, a lot of adults were simping for him and i feel that would make him Uncomfy

- he's adequate at transitions, but doesn't take too much time to learn them tbh. he's definitely the person to have vloggy type of tiktoks where he just shows a minute of his day

- absolutely would have okuyasu in his tiktoks with them doing dumb shit (like pranking rohan hehe) and them just being DORKS. a lot of ppl would think they're dating or just have a really good bromance

- he got a second of jotaro with his hat off and everyone died that day

- jotaro's in his tiktoks but very rarely

- when he is, people go BATSHIT with the simping

- i can see his following being fairly decent, and him getting decent traction but would also get shadowbanned a couple of times

- he definitely talks about retro games a lot and makes memes centered around them

- i can't say for certain what side(s) of tiktok he's on except for the obvious gay tiktok

- the more wholesome side, definitely activism, some povs, splash in some diversity, maybe japanese tiktok?? im sure that exists

- idk the more obscure sides,,

- he's a casual tiktoker for sure, maybe posting twice a week

- when he's especially bored he might post a couple times in a day, maybe an hour :'))

- i take that back, maybe three times? three times sounds fair

here’s a little break for your eyes lmao, there were a Lot more than i thought holy shit,,

-  JOSEPH (P2!) WOULD DEFINITELY HAVE TIKTOK SJSNS

- rohan makes two tiktoks

- they both blow up (and act like they don’t know nobodayy HAHAHA)

- he has a large following (mainly jap)

- but he barely uses tiktok after that

- i can't see giorno having social media tbh

-  he'd try to predict the algorithm based on the stuff he posts when he first gets the app.

- its mainly just him being a goof with a couple thirst traps thrown in there once he realizes "oh shit, i have simps?"

- caesar is featured once n already has a fanbase under joseph's acc (joseph's not jealous or anything,, nooo,,,,)

- like he's in the mafia,,,

- wait

- or maybe he just takes really good pictures of nature,,, i can see that

- a lot of people ask "where is this dude's parents,,,"

- narancia,, is the one who has tiktok (in bucci gang)

- mista would always (not ALWAYS but very. often.) find ways to be in them/photobomb

- i can see his (narancia’s) fyp being like super wholesome with some dumb memes but also popular music covers

- like rock covers or sumn similar

i deadass thought i had a couple for johnathan and erina too but!! can’t find them so,,

-  so one day he makes a tiktok, inside the turtle lmao

- at first he's like "why are you guys asking where my parents are;;"

- the camera flips to abbacchio and bruno

- "they're right here"

- cue a chuckling giorno and a laughing mista

- they do all the couple tiktoks together,, all the cute ones at least. i can see them doing the more wholesome dances too! they would all around just be the cute couple everyone else aims to be

- also thought i had some part 3 hcs saved?? wtf my saving skills are terrible,,

- polnareff is the one with tiktok. he would go around filming small snippets of stuff that happens with the crusaders (ignoring that,,, tiktok Did Not exist at the time haha)

- jotaro and kakyoin were definitely featured in his tiktoks!! i can see avdol with his arms folded being like “...we have better things to do--”

- but pol is like “but the fans, avdol! think about the content they’ll be missing out on!!”

- he’s hopeless LMAO. but honestly?? he'd make a good vlogger too!! his charisma would definitely be to his advantage

- you bet your ass that oldseph photobombs any chance he gets lmaooo he’s also the guy that a small part of polnareff’s fans simp for. 

- actually, each crusader has their own small fanbase within pol’s tiktok account. i feel the majority would be fans of jotaro and polnareff (it is his acc,,)

- jotaro’s fyp, when he reluctantly gets tiktok, consists of animals,, animal facts, funny animal tiktoks, ocean tiktoks for sure, just a lot of naturey stuff!! but he barely uses it though haha

- kakyoin uses tiktok every now and then! i feel he would prefer instagram more. he mainly posts his artworks, and the occasional retro game case hehe. he does the Dumbest shit on his “close friends” story, it’s great. i feel that’s also where he goes to ramble about whatever’s on his mind

- avdol definitely has a work instagram, only using it for his fortune telling business and trying to network with different tarot readers and fortune tellers. he likes the small community he has,, hehe,,

whoever read all this I'll cry in your arms

[kny111]

I’m Living Under Government Watchlist for doing ProBlack + BLM work

I’m not sure many of you know this and with what I’ve seen I doubt this will get attention considering how deeply sabotaged tumblr has become. But I’ve been doing activism for about as long as we’ve been yelling things like “HandsOffAssattaShakur“ to protesting what I thought was religious corruption when we did so against scientology to #OccupyWallstreet. I’ve been protesting and doing activism online and offline depending on my mental and physical health which has limited me as time goes by. It’s finally got me burnt out, not from the protesting and activism, but from those whose job in the past and present been to sabotage and destabilize Black lead/ Poc led movements. I’m in a continuation of this. Don’t let my lack of energy in speaking out fool you into thinking I gave up. I have just gotten worn out by them.

The things they’ve done to my mind and body while in this area since moving. They’ve been surveilling me since before I could even remember. Every single day that goes by they’ll have some way of making their presence on my health in a debilitating way. They’ll mess with the internet, phone, my contacts, infiltrate them, infiltrate my family, they’ve messed with the job search process and made difficult for me to enter any job without said job making some offhanded comments showing their solidarity to the corrupted country I protest. They’ve had people I trusted right here on tumblr infiltrated my circles of friends and myself and make it very well known that they feel beyond reproach.

This has all been in coordination with the NYPD and other government agents of defense. They’ll make themselves present in just about any space I try to go. From the forest, parks, to just a simple walks outside. I basically was lead into an area of Manhattan that is mad pro-cop, pro-surveillence capitalism, pro-militarized. Any time I make blog posts or whatever that don’t put em in a good light I get some kind of mental or physical health debilitating action against me like they’ll have mad loud noises at timed intervals like what the agent upstairs does all the time which messes with my breathing due to social anxiety and depression. They’ve had cars roll dangerously close to me, whether im biking or not. They’ll have people walk mad close to me during social distancing measures. I know it be them because they tend to use sensitive information they got through surveillancing me all day and night. Like fam I could be trying to take a piss in peace at like 3am and they’ll still be bumping away and making all types of sound to give the impression that they’re always watching. And they are. And I think the fact that those UFO/UAP objects appeared on my 17th  (11/10/2004) birthday added to their obsession with me. The other fact that I ended painting a similar craft under the context of destroying colonialism I believe gave the government more understanding on what they’re really here about. I think that being the end of these oppressive regimes that have made so much out of us. I don’t want to sound superstitious but since then I’ve felt a connection with those UAPs that I only learned to name recently. I no longer think it’s coincidental that about a month or so AFTER I painted those native, queer sisters dancing to bring forth help from their future descendants, the navy posts those videos of the UAP that become well known. They’ve never done that, and yet just a few weeks after I painted this, not only does the gallery I exhibited this in Harlem catches fire unexpectedly, but these things become a topic of discussion in ways we’ve never seen before. I think them UAPs are here for our freedom. But that’s for another post. Too much to unpack into this. I’m just letting yall know what they know of me. So now imagine. This nigga aka me, tied to UFO, fortelling the future (I know what I sound like, but believe me, I can definitely tell the future) AAAND fighting for black lives? Of course they gone be on my ass like a probe. In fact, I think one night they even broke into our apartment (not the first time they do so) and did things against my will as I slept since I woke up feeling violated. Waking up with strange markings and having objects in the crib go missing. But I’ll leave that there. There’s so little ya’ll know about what they’re doing to BLM activists. So much I’ve omitted from here for my own sanity and to process things. This has caused my body a lot of debilitating stress down to my breathing having been shortened. I’m lucky if I have the will power to eat more than 2 meals. I don’t even bike anymore. I can barely run anymore. I can barely speak like I used to anymore. They stole so much more from me than they’ll ever imagine. Even saying all this to yall, whomever listening, feels pointless. Why? because they’re very good at making it seem, even if and when it aint true, that your people don’t fuck with you no more except for those they deem acceptable. As you figured, this would have anyone under 24/7 watch. The government be lookin at me and them UAP and the lands and non government natives as a force they don’t wanna reckon with, so they’ve put a lot out to shrink me as they do to so many of us who choose to fight for the rest who can’t. And this has all been while trying to raises my baby Quinn with my partner. So we’re all dealing with the state and federal terrorists in one way or another. If they not trying physically fuck with me, they’ll be running psych warfare on me, shit thatll have me doubting myself despite the facts. Luckily a nigga still bout that scientific literacy so it’s helped me a lot in spotting them and trying to keep some semblance of a distance. But again because of what I’m tied to: bday 111, UAP/UFO, native resistance and the spirits of the land and those this country murdered for white supremacist ventures, predicting/ESP type of abilities on the daily while telling them how useless their surveillence capitalist tools are knowing we can do this has likely mad them other me, dehumanize me and made me feel less human. Since then I’ve noticed they’ve been limiting my posts and activities on just about any site that has favored white supremacy, neocolonialism and capitalism in some way or another. They’ll mess with my facebook feed, who my posts get seen by, they’ll mess with my IG, they’ll mess with my tumblr especially. Basically any way they can limit who I may say this to and wear me out from even speaking about this and bringing yall hope like that. And remember, the information that they share amongst themselves as surveillance capitalist is the same information hub/database that infiltrated white supremacists and antiblack/antibrown folks in governments tend to us and share with their own hateful ass people. With this in mind, I really think they look at me as some would be leader to those movements since I’m queer and nonbinary so not as easy to trick into the outdated oppresive politics they try to have me on. Since I haven’t shown interest in being with them in any real way and have stuck to my activism and abolishing these systems they’ve continue to in a way torture me. Through sounds, denial of physical services, or when I go out to eat in places that have ties to law enforcement or government agencies, they’ll mess with my food, just about anything you need they’ll fuck with. What would that do to you if you experienced that? Hence why my bloggin changed a bit, not as attached due to energy fatigue and their constant harrassment and obsession with me. Many times, even with the fact that I may be linked to those UAP in some special way I still be feelin like dyin to not be around em anymore.

To add to what I said on how corporate own websites like tumblr have joined them; After having spent a good amount of time blocking my posts and blaming their algorithm. From blocking drawings of normalizing fatness to pro LGBTQ and Black Lives Matter posts like the Eric Garner videos I uploaded. For a few months now I’ve noticed my scinerds blog has been inaccessible, in a way sabotaging my communication with yall. And they would fix my blog posts by limiting who sees my posts, so now most if not all of my posts on this website and few others have been. When I try to use it I’m not allowed, but I’m still able to reblog, so I’ve been reblogging there less science and more activism as a way to protest the racist, white supremacist of tumblr. Be they black or not, they still acting the same. I’m mostly posting this for a future people who understand me and believe me. I get the sense that this post will also be sabotaged or muted in some way. Thanks for reading, in case we don’t link.