#i see a lot of interpretations of him basically acting disgusted but i dont find it true to his character

[rainbowresurrection]

I don't think Bones eyerolls about Kirk & Spock. I think he's really really chill about it

[phantomsheepdiedinafire]

Childhood Trauma Rant (Content Warning- desc. of abandonment and just being trans and hurting, age regression ig, idk just sharing my experiences don't really specifically identify with that.)

I've realised through my tastes in fanfics and other things that what I want and fantasize about is indeed my child self wanting to heal all the shit I went through.

As a kid, I had these two issues.

I used to cry, a lot. I didn't understand why, and I didn't want to. You want to know what happened when I cried and couldn't stop crying? I was put in my room to calm down. It took me HOURS. Imagine being 4 years old in a room pacing around trying to stop crying but you just cant. I was FOUR YEARS OLD. and apparently that's literally abuse because children that young aren't capable of self soothing. You wanna know how I interpreted that? As abandonment and so now obviously I feel like every time I cry I feel like I'm being selfish and don't deserve to cry or be around people because I should know how to be better.

second

I was in a lot of emotional pain as a kid, and now seeing that crying was off the table, I talked. and talked. and talked.

You wanna know what adults did? They let me talk and talk and talk, and they didn't listen to a word of what I was saying. They let me go on and on and on like broken record and i felt like no one was listening to me, they literally were like, and i remember this, you're a kid hahaha funny talking child. Very clearly fine. Normal kids def talk this much.

I was crying for help. No kid desperately vys for adult figures attention like that unless they're, uh huh, *drums* desperate. I wanted somebody to notice how clingy i was, set boundaries, and ask me why i was saying all of those things.

So- you wanna know what fanfics I read growing up? HURT COMFORT MOTHERFUCKERS WHERE THEY ACTUALLY TAKE CARE OF THE PERSON. and second WHEN THEY LISTEN AND SET BOUNDARIES AND CARE ABOUT THE PERSON.

that shit slaps so hard and it's literally just child me trying to have some peace.

AND HE'S STILL SAD. HE'S NOT HAPPY YET.

I feel like I have to carry around this sad little motherfucker with me every where I go and he gets in the way because he's so fuckin touch starved and im like no we're 16 and our parents suck and we have little to no friends we don't have anyone like that. I am 16 now, and I'm realizing just how young I was before and how I was still literally a child.

It probably doesnt help that everyone called him a girl and I now can't identify with the little girl in pictures. When I think of myself as a child now im a little boy not a girl... and I feel like thats an ego I've always had I just havent felt like ive been allowed to identify with until recently. That hurts.

Meanwhile in class, this stupid ass 5 year old brain is like- nice teacher please rock me to sleep-

And I'm in class dealing with the fact that I'm uncomfortably imagining my teacher in this way when I'm trying to learn about the Protestant reformation. Jesus christ please I just want to learn about Constantine do you know how hard that is when your eyes start unfocusing and your brain starts going all fuzz-

when you come back it's embarrasing af , even when its just you and yourself. Because you're 16 years old in sophomore Humanities and you just realized you've been acting like a child all class. Even if no one else knew, you know, and it feels like an infringement on the version of you now. I could've really been present in the social dynamic, but no I tossed it all out. I felt out of control.

I remember going to school exhausted and exasperated that I couldn't stop being, i dont know, fuzzy. I wished I could be more present somehow, but i just couldnt put my finger on what or how or why.

Whats good now is that I know whats happening, i used to just, float in and out, and that was, dangerous? I dont know, it didn't feel healthy, anyway. I walked all over myself and didn't respect other people's boundaries in the process and I feel bad about that.

Now that i know whats happening I tend to manage myself better but shit. shit shit shit. ive lost so much time to this. Now that im out of my dads house, whatever this has been has gone down significantly, and i think it was living with him that reduced me to a state of maybe when he loved me more. Now I'm out, I want to grow up and be me for me, instead of hanging on to an attempt for validation Ill never get. I need to do things for myself now, its the only way Im truly satisfied.

All of this combined also probably explains why i'm eating disordered. I desperately want to have child body back if i cant have an adult male one- and i want to be taken seriously and cared for because i feel like people dont really care. when I stopped eating suddenly i was important again and I miss that, so much.

anyways. I went from reading tons and tons of gay smut (because i couldn't handle fem stuff I got really dysphoric) to basically searching for any and all "little" fanfics that I could find that were completely void of sexuality and I ended up finding them more emotionally satisfying. that in itself has made me really insecure because it's widely sexualised and that, is, disgusting.

scared of being judged for this ig-

but this is tumblr.

Btw age regression and smut don't mix it's, horrifying... it's intellectual pedophilia.

tl:dr, I was lonely kid, couldnt handle growing up, essentially i feel as though i couldnt emotionally mature, still act like f-ing 5 yo because im sad

[permanentmochakisses]

Why is everyone hating on Colin lately? Did he do something or? I haven't heard anything if he has

oh no its not everyone (well not of late at least ha), it’s just the sup3rgirl fandom. particularly the new fans katie acquired from being on the show. 

and no, he didnt do anything. he’s just good friends with katie. literally thats it. LITERALLY THE MAIN REASON. new katie fans are discovering all about her and if you type in her name on google, one of the first things that pops up is “katie mcgrath and colin morgan”. and then they find the site(s) that say theyre like dating or engaged or whatever from years ago. and then further find all the rumors that had said they were together. and since theyre New Katie Fans™ a lot of them believe it and idk, just decided its the WORST NEWS EVER. 

plus, they probably found all the photos of them doing promo for merlin at events, etc. and all the amazing things katie has said about colin. and just assumed that the rumors that they were dating/engaged are all true and they can’t deal with it because again, its the WORST NEWS EVER.

thats one of the reasons. the ones who dont believe the rumors, i really dont know their reasons tbh. my guess is (based on how vile some of their posts get about colin) is that they know colin and katie are great friends and for some reason, they see colin as a threat? a threat to what? lmao idk. a threat to katie being not straight?? because apparently just being good friends with someone is a threat to one’s sexuality. 

i think theyre really bothered over the fact that katie has said such nice things about him because (from what ive seen during merlin) she didnt talk about other members of the merlin cast in the way she did about colin. like katie and bradley are good friends too, but you dont see any of them saying shit about bradley so. thats the only explanation i can think of. because again, they interpret it as katie and colin being so close that they might be dating and that is Not Allowed™.

its extra funny (not at all funny) that the last we heard of a colin and katie sighting was almost a year ago when katie went to the screening of the living and the dead to support colin. NEARLY A YEAR AGO. nothing since, and yet, these fans act like theres been a recent sighting of them humping against the studio walls on the set of sup3rgirl. 

BASICALLY colin: related to NOTHING whatsoever when it comes to sup3rgirl. but is in katie’s orbit, THEREFORE he equals the most disgusting being to walk on this earth. you would think he was on the show, and taking away from the female lead, with the amount of animosity they have towards him whenever he’s mentioned in relation to katie. 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯