#i see a chara whos canonically good at singing and is good at hiding their thoughts and prob has trauma and simply fold /lh | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yukipri · 6 years ago

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BF OT4 Kids Headcanons

WOWIE kids HCs time! Was in response to this ask meme BUT got really out of hand ^ ^;

Thanks so much for sending me a number~!

43. Would they have any kids? If so, describe.

For my Banana Fish OT4 aka Ash + Shorter + Sing x Eiji <3

Held off on answering this for a while as I tried to solidify my thoughts on this more, and well, as always my feelings may always change but here’s what I got for now!

This...actually isn’t about the kids themselves, but more how Eiji & Mates came to the conclusion that they want kids? Lotsa chara HCs ^ ^

Posted in advance on Patreon and references some other HC posts but still hopefully understandable by itself. Happy Mother’s Day? haha

＊Assuming this is an ABO variation of the BFF/Everyone Lives AU

Alpha!Ash, Alpha!Shorter, Alpha!Sing, Omega!Eiji, established polyamorous relationship.

Nonexplicit mentions of mpreg and canon trauma. LONG POST.

Kids aren’t even remotely on the table for a very, very long time. The three alphas had pretty turbulent childhoods, and they know more than anyone that the streets aren’t kind to children, and that children can be extremely vulnerable.

Eiji knows and respects this, and is content to just be with them, and for them to all slowly heal together. Taking care of themselves is far more important, and something they need to have the time to do before they can even consider intentionally creating tiny humans who will be entirely dependent on them.

While they’re not exactly “their children,” they have Sing and Skip too. Both the kids were always too mature for their age, forced to grow up too fast (and other than Eiji, wasn’t that the case for all of them), and especially in Sing’s case, there really isn’t that much of an age difference between him and the “adults” at all. They’re much less like their children and more like lil brothers, but Shorter’s protectiveness and mentor role with Sing and Ash’s very similar role with Skip made them people to look out for, to care for, and to a certain extent raise.

Eiji, however, didn’t really get that with Sing OR Skip. From that very first day in America, Skip was looking out for him despite being such a young kid, and Sing most certainly was Eiji’s guardian, not the other way around. Eiji takes care of them in his own way, he does for all of them, but they aren’t his protégés like they are for Shorter and Ash.

And, well, a tiny, quiet part of Eiji sorta wishes he had that.

It’s not necessarily about Eiji wanting to mentor someone, or him feeling he has anything of value to teach. There’d been a few calls recently from people interested in him getting a photography apprentice, and while Eiji doesn’t dislike the idea, he doesn’t really know if it could be the same; he doesn’t know if they would be family. It’s most certainly not Eiji hoping for someone even weaker and more vulnerable than him coming into their lives, for the sake of giving him someone even he can protect.

It’s not even about Eiji wanting to become stronger, because Eiji’s never been about that. Yes it can be a little frustrating when all he can do is sit back and hide and have others take care of him, and yes he’s happy when he can do something to help, but at the same time, he’s accepted it. It’s less acceptance of his own weakness, and more trust in his mates, and respect for their need to protect him. Eiji has his own ways of helping.

Eiji’s own feelings are complicated, but as he sees Sing and Skip grow up, influenced so deeply by Shorter and Ash, he feels a weird longing. It’s stupid to think of Sing as Shorter’s legacy when they’re only a few years apart in age, and Shorter is RIGHT HERE beside him, but Eiji feels that even if Shorter was gone (he hopes that’s never the case), he’d still see so much of Shorter in Sing, and in a way would be able to feel him through his successor. Skip’s so different from Ash, but he’s also so clearly the Lynx successor, Eiji knows he’ll always be able to see Ash in him too.

He knows his lovers would hate him for thinking of this, but Eiji’s okay with being realistic, because they don’t know what’ll happen, and any single one of them could suddenly be gone with no warning.

And Eiji wants Ash, Shorter, Sing, everyone he loves, to have someone who irrevocably has a part of Eiji living in them, in the case Eiji has to depart.

Eiji knows his loved ones have lost so much, and how frail especially Ash and Shorter can be at the thought of losing him. In the hopefully unlikely chance of his demise, Eiji wants them to have a reason to live on.

Eiji wonders how all this rather morbid thinking somehow leads him to the answer of children (because really, it clearly has nothing to do with blood), but the more he thinks about it, the more the idea appeals, and the more he feels a gut longing for it.

He knows if he tells anyone, maybe Jessica, the beta woman would joke about his Omega Mothering Instincts calling or something, which would be inaccurate (he hopes). He thinks that if he confided in his sister-in-law and fellow omega Nadia, she would just smile kindly and tell him that he should do what he thinks is right, and to talk to his mates.

It’s an awkward topic to breach, but one night it happens, and the room goes still. Eiji wonders if he should backpedal, but decides to hold firm. If this is completely off the table, then that’s okay, he will always choose his mates. But he thinks if that’s the case, he also wants to know now.

Sing frowns a little bit, not upset, but contemplative, as though the thought hadn’t really crossed his mind before. Shorter’s eyes widen–Eiji suddenly knows that he has thought about this before, but probably never thought it’d be thrown out in the open like this–before Shorter’s gaze flicks to Ash.

Ash is completely expressionless, and Eiji immediately knows he’s thrown up a wall.

Eiji can’t blame Ash, and honestly Ash was part of why Eiji was so hesitant about asking in the first place. Eiji knows that parents, mothers, and the very idea of fatherhood itself is extremely complicated for Ash. Eiji knows that Ash knows that Eiji would never abandon a child of theirs, so that shouldn’t be too big an issue. But so many “father” figures have hurt Ash, tainted his image of the term, his very definition of it, and Eiji gets Ash being hesitant to put himself in a position to take the role himself.

Max, Eiji knows, has been a positive father-like figure to Ash, and Eiji knows that Ash likes visiting that family, and seeing Michael together with his parents, watching a happy childhood that he never got to have. Eiji only hopes that Ash can see it being possible with them.

Shorter and Sing are always oh so careful and respectful of Ash’s past and triggers (they all are; they all need to be, with lives like theirs), and hold off on voicing any opinion for a while. Eiji backs off too. He just wanted them to know it was on his mind.

The answer Ash gives them, after months, is a disappointed, resigned, “I don’t know.” Eiji can see that Ash had struggled with himself, and had tried to bring himself to give a different answer, but just couldn’t.

Eiji knows Ash loves him, loves them, loves their family, and would do anything for them. Ash tells Eiji in no uncertain terms that he doesn’t doubt for a second that Eiji could be an amazing mother, the best in the world. But the idea of Ash as a father…all Ash sees ahead of him is the maze of ways he could fuck up, and horribly, just like he was fucked up.

He doesn’t want to be the father who makes his child lose faith in adults, whose actions indirectly cause his child to run directly into the arms of predators. He doesn’t want any association with the father figure idolized by his community, who secretly hurts children in the shadows of his home. He doesn’t want anything to do with being a Papa, and all the ways that word has been used around him, all those years he fought against saying it himself. And then how his father was officialized and forced on him without his consent, tying his real identity to a man he loathed.

Ash knows his image of fatherhood is fucked, he knows that this isn’t what it’s about and this isn’t what Eiji’s asking him. But Ash knows, has personally experienced far too many examples of the Fucked Up fatherhood. And he just can’t risk it.

Because if Ash fucks up too, this time it won’t be Ash, it won’t even be Eiji, it would be their child who pays the price. And that just isn’t a risk he can possibly take.

Ash isn’t ready. He looks ashamed and that self-loathing that still won’t stop coming back despite his healing flickers all over him. He wishes he could be, for Eiji, but he can’t in any good conscience lie about this. And he doesn’t know if he can ever be ready.

Eiji comforts him, reassures him, and tells him it’s okay. Eiji would never force Ash, would never ask him to try. Ash will always be more important than any hypothetical child, and a child isn’t Eiji’s priority (and Eiji doesn’t think he can really tell them his real priority).

Once things are settled, Ash’s answer found, Shorter steps up next, Sing’s eyes tracking him with calm patience.

Shorter says bluntly that he wants a kid with Eiji.

Does he need one? Absolutely not. But if it’s something that Eiji wants, and ONLY if it’s something Eiji really, really wants, then it’s something that Shorter really, really wants with Eiji. All due respect to Ash.

Shorter doesn’t know if he’ll be a good dad (Sing snorts–it’s not like all the Chinatown street rats didn’t consider Shorter their guardian figure, back in the day–and Shorter playfully smacks him). Shorter repeats that he doesn’t know if he’ll be a good dad, but he’s prepared to give it everything he’s got. And well, it wouldn’t ever be just him and Eiji now would it, or are those two other wedding bands in the room fake. And the way Shorter sees it, a kid being raised by all four of them, and all their friends and family, probably isn’t in shabby hands. If the others are alright with it, he’s happy to take primary responsibility, if they want to see it that way.

Later, more quietly and to just Eiji and Sing because he doesn’t want to pressure Ash, Shorter confesses that he has another reason too. His and Nadia’s parents died while they were young, and Shorter barely remembers them. He loves Nadia, and couldn’t have wished for a better guardian, and knows how hard she worked. But as a kid, he still missed his parents, and even now, he wishes he’d had more time with them.

Shorter confesses that he thinks there’s a chance that he doesn’t have all that much time.

They’re out of any immediate danger now, out of the fighting and daily crises of gang life. But they didn’t get out unscathed. Ash took so much damage on the inside, which showed itself in his decision regarding kids. They all took mental damage, and none as much as Ash.

But Shorter took the most physical damage.

He survived, and Shorter can’t ask for more than that, and he considers every day he has with them a blessing and he wouldn’t trade it for anything. He’s happy as he is now.

But he also a brain that should never have regained consciousness after Banana Fish burned through him, if not for Yut-Lung’s antidote. He has a skull that was cracked, with scars on his head to prove it, and who knows what was done to his brain then too but definitely nothing good. And he has a heart that, while healed, also had a bullet go straight through it.

There’s nothing really physically wrong with him (other than the extreme PTSD, the unpredictable blank outs, the extreme phobias and triggers–), and it may just be Shorter’s paranoia. But, Shorter admits that he’s thought about this a lot, talked to his therapist Blanca about it too, even if this is his first time telling Eiji and Sing. He doesn’t want to tell Ash, at least not yet, because Ash will only blame himself and Shorter doesn’t want that. But Shorter thinks that if all of them live out their current life expectancies without a hitch, he’ll be the first one gone by a long shot. And he’s okay with that.

(It’s most definitely not the main reason, but it’s also part of why he was so adamant that Ash also be Eiji’s partner, and later his pushy encouragement with Sing. He doesn’t want Eiji to be alone when he leaves. He doesn’t want any of them to be alone. Eiji feels something burn in his chest, because he understands, gods he understands.)

Shorter doesn’t know if he’s ready to be a father, but he’s also around thirty now, a far cry from the teenage street rat trying to live on to the next day. He thinks he’s as ready as he’ll ever be. He’s honestly never felt better prepared for anything.

So again, if Eiji wants this, if and only if he genuinely, truly wants this and feels ready himself, and if Ash and Sing are okay with this, then Shorter wants to be a dad. Shorter wants as many years to love his kid as possible. He wants to see them grow up, if he can. He wants his kids to be able to remember him, to never have to doubt that Shorter loved them with his whole heart. He’s not in a rush, but he also isn’t going to hesitate.

But of course, it’s not just about what he wants, and not even what just he and Eiji want. With their family, it’s what all of them want, for a decision like this.

Ash knows he isn’t ready, and Shorter doesn’t want to push him, and doesn’t want Ash to think that he’s somehow holding them all back either. But Shorter has a hunch that maybe, this could be a way to get Ash comfortable with the idea of being a father, without personally feeling that he must carry the title.

Sing speaks up, and he says he gives Shorter his full support, and thinks it’s the right decision. Sing’s had a few years as part of their relationship now, and while he’ll always deeply respect and admire both Shorter and Ash and often lets them lead, he’s no longer the idolizing puppy trailing behind them. He’s smart, calculating, and doesn’t give his support blindly. At the same time, he’s so gentle and warm, leaning into his mentor as the two of them pull Eiji between them.

Sing says that he thinks he also wants to be a father, one day, possibly one day soon. He’s the youngest of them, but he’s prepared to give everything for their family, and he has the strength and confidence now that he knows that that actually means something. But he also thinks that for him and Eiji, maybe the time isn’t quite right yet. Maybe in a few years.

And even if the child is biologically Shorter and Eiji’s, the child would be theirs, at least for Sing. Sing knows that any child of theirs, he’d consider his too, blood be damned. And well, if he’s already going to be a father, then a few years will only prepare him even more, if Eiji ever wants him to father another kid.

Shorter’s so damn proud of his lil bro for really getting at the heart of the matter, and Eiji feels so full he could burst. Because gods, he does want a kid, a baby of their own, and maybe it’s selfish, but Eiji really does want this, for all of them.

All that really remains is Ash.

Ash calmly listens to Shorter and Sing, and promptly says that they should go for it. He supports them.

Shorter reminds him that any kid of theirs would not be a Them but an Us. Ash would be the child’s dad too, if he wants.

Ash is still firm; he’s sure. He supports them, the family, including himself (the if you’ll have me is unsaid but felt, and rejected. Of course Ash is family). He takes Eiji’s hand and apologizes for not being able to take the initiative this time. But he can’t lead this. But he can and will do anything and everything to be there with them, to help, and be a part of the kid’s life. He’ll give them everything, protect them with his life.

And maybe, just maybe, being a father (of sorts) to this kid will help him overcome his own fear too.

Ash confides in Sing, because their relationship has gotten to the point where he can do so easily. He knows Shorter and Eiji think of Ash as a dad for their upcoming kid, just like they thought of him as their husband. But “husband” and “father” are so different for Ash.

Ash is okay with them calling him a “dad” out loud, but on the inside, Ash will probably think of the kid as a little brother. He may not be able to handle being a dad, but he can, and wants to be a big brother and mentor. He can be someone like Griffin, like Nadia, who basically raised them. He can be like Max, a pretend dad, but a dad whose role still means so much. He can even be like Blanca, a mentor figure whose presence is so grounding. Ash can only hope he can be like them, and he hopes that’s alright, and that’s enough.

Sing assures him it will be (but also while thinking that all the figures Ash listed are more certainly more parental than any of Ash’s official dads), but also warns him that the kid might still take him by surprise. It’s Eiji’s, after all.

The child is eventually born, looking so achingly like Eiji but beaming with Shorter’s smile. Sing and Eiji clutch at each other with wet eyes, and Eiji wonders how he could have ever been so focussed on goodbyes, when this is so clearly about new beginnings and greeting a new someone he already loves so much it’s almost unbearable.

Shorter is sobbing the manliest tears ever as the nurse passes him the babe. After a few moments, Shorter passes the tiny bundle into Ash’s arms and says, “Hey look kid, meet your other dad.”

And when Ash looks down at that little life in his arms, someone who came out of Eiji and is the product of love he feels so intimately, he feels something crack in his chest. His eyes feel unexpectedly hot as salty droplets spill down his own cheeks to rival Shorter’s. Ash numbly thinks that this isn’t what he thought he was signing up for, and that he could never have prepared for this–but also wouldn’t, couldn’t give it up for the world.

(A few years later, Sing fathers their family’s second child).

(And a few years after that, Ash fathers the last child).

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