#i say because its more of a nuzlocke lite

[shungieshrieks]

When you meet 4 different people irl with the same name as one your OCs

[cloudbatcave]

I feel the urge to play Pokémon so let’s fire up White and see if I still hate gen 5.

As I recall I left off searching for a throh or sawk in the first gym town’s stupid forest.

Oh right, c gear. So useless I forgot about it. I also enjoy how it’s winter in the game.

Oh never mind, I did find a Throh. What was I doing then. Did I beat the gym? No, no I have not.

I admit I like Lenora’s gym because it’s in a museum. Even though I would be a water trainer I would do the same thing, it would just be an aquarium/museum cross.

Oh, the gym dude gave me a fresh water. That was nice of him.

“I’ll warn you now...I am strong because I spend the entire day either reading books or training Pokémon.”

I want to hate you for being pretentious but as those are two of my favorite hobbies I would be a hypocrite.

Let’s see how this goes for me! First battle!

Okay, same level as my throh but it’s a fucking patrat so I doubt this will give me problems. Ahahaha yeah its Crunch barely did shit and I one hit killed it.

...remembering a little why I don’t like this game, I forgot how obnoxious the memo thing was in here. Lenora I know damn well what the first Pokémon I met in this gym was. It was patrat. It just got walloped with the back of my Throh’s hand, it was brutal and you should have been there.

But no, I gotta go hunt down the answer for some inane reason.

“As I thought, that question was easy.”

OH??? YOU DON’T SAY???

The train question is a bit better at least.

X defend won’t save your herdier from my throh’s cruel hand, random gym trainer. Another one hit KO.

It’s like shooting fish in a barrel, except the fish are dogs and chipmunks and the gun is a fist.

Time to face the gym leader! I am playing Nuzlocke lite style now, which means anyone who goes down stays down. We’ll see how this goes for me.

No saving beforehand either!

Oh, lol, she only has two mons.

And the first is the same level as my throh. Two hits and it’s down!

Time to send my Servine in, though, Throh took some damage.

Oh fuck Servine almost died to Retaliate. AIGHT. Time to throw out some fodder so I can heal. I forgot Watchog has obnoxious defense oh god the fodder didn’t even last one hit.

Fortunately my Munna did better as fodder and Throh is back in now, she super potioned but that’s fine. I’m about to win.

And there we go!

I lost Coultr the level eleven panpour but I’m not exactly mourning her. The rest of my team is 16 or higher.

I do love how the normal badge is literally called the Basic Badge. all I can hear is Kristen Bell saying YA BASIC in my head. Thank you, The Good Place.

Oh, here comes the plot. I hate the plot.

It comes in the form of Lenora’s husband saying team plasma is threatening to steal bones.

“Chirae! You come too!”

WHY

I AM NOT YOUR PERSONAL POLICE FORCE? I AM CALLING MY ATTORNEY

“We, Team Plasma, claim this museum’s dragon skull in the name of Pokémon liberation!”

Bro I don’t know how to break it to you that stealing a dead Pokémon does fuckall for the living ones.

“To show you we’re serious, we’ll steal it right before your eyes!”

At least team rocket was lovably stupid. This is just painful.

I mean at least they used a smoke screen, but still.

“Oh! We have to go after them!”

Let the record show I am doing this for history, not for any of you.

“This is Burgh! He may not look like it, but he’s Castelia City’s gym leader!”

BURN.

“...Eh?”

Yeah, she totally just wrecked your shit, sorry dude.

Oh no it’s Bianca. Oh god.

“What’s everybody doing here?”

I’m dead and you can’t see me.

AND CHEREN TOO. The fun just keeps increasing.

“Chirae, is there some kind of problem?”

You two existing in my breathing space.

“And these two are your friends?”

Only because every time I lose their numbers they somehow find me. It’s unsettling.

“Oh, I see. they’re trainers.”

In the loosest sense of the word.

“Let’s split up and search.”

I’m sorry, are the police all on one communal donut break? I know I am devilishly skilled and charming, but I never got my license in weirdo hunting. I also never consented. Silence is not a yes.

“Cheren and Bianca, I want you to stay here at the museum.”

Good strategy, if team plasma comes back these two can annoy them into leaving.

I can search the forest. I guess.

“Are you rating to round up our robbers?”

Will it matter if I say no? I’m saying no anyway.

“Oh, Chirae, take this with you!”

I DON’T WANT TO READ YOUR FANFICS, BIANCA

Oh never mind, it’s a dowsing machine. She is spared my wrath. For now.

“For now, all we need to do is protect the museum, right?”

I was thinking more that you were semi-useful cannon fodder, but call it what you want, Cheren.

Forest search happens next time!