#i saw this when i woke up and i couldnt wait to get off work to reply properly

[hoboblaidd]

The Hissing Wastes may be his least favorite place in all of Thedas. It's hot, it's grueling, and full to the brim with darkspawn. No part of this makes for a pleasant trek, and it's made all the worse by the bickering. Some of it is light and airy, and some of it has him concerned there will be a murder in the night and none will find the body.

And all of it is adding to an immense headache.

Two hours in, his ears horribly sunburnt, his mouth dry, and at his skull and bones splitting from the effort to close the last rift, he gives busywork.

"I need a stone," the bald-faced lie comes out clean and smooth. "For a cooling spell. Collect any interesting ones you find and I'll see if I can find any use for them when we break camp."

It's an exceptionally thin excuse. But maybe it had been the terse delivery, or the desperation to find something less shitty than shifting sand and despair that has them searching. By the time they break camp the overall mood has improved, and his collection of rocks is complete. Some are pretty, some are shaped like inappropriate body parts, and all are useless at being anything other than rocks. He sorts them, keeps his favorites, and tucks the rest away for later.

The Inquisitor excuses himself to rest not long after rations and water are handed out, offering to take last watch which the rest gratefully give. The campfire conversations are better at least. They filter in through the walls of his tent, muffled and made distant but comforting enough to sleep to. This is as familiar to any First as their own heartbeat, being near to one's people but separated by a distance too great to cross, and dreams find him in a difference place at a better time.

He emerges several hours later, looking significantly less haggard but no more thrilled to be here. The flames have burned to embers and the rest have gone to bed. There's only one form still tending to the dying fire, and he takes a seat beside him.

"Hold out your hand," Pirith says, dropping the rest of the stones into the older elf's hands when he acquiesces. "I daresay you fought and won the most arguments today, and to the victor go the spoils."

The night is calm and cool, and tomorrow will be just as blisteringly hot and miserable. But for now there's peace. Pirith coaxes the fire to burn a little brighter, leaning back on his hands and tipping his face to the stars.

"You know... It really is a pity you got off on the wrong foot with us Dalish. I think you'd be right at home arguing with the Keepers at an arlathvhen."

A pause as he carefully rolls back what he said, reconsidering the way it could be taken.

"Mind, meant that as a compliment. You'd probably win more than your fair share, even if it wouldn't change all that many minds."

Solas' robe is wrapped around him, and his feet dig into the embers until they almost burn. Heating wards did much against a cold desert night (and he’d placed one beneath where he sat for the added warmth), but they never quite matched the tactile heat of a fire. 

With a flick of his hand, he extends the heating ward to cover the ground Pirith sits on. It's typical of deserts to have such a disparity of temperature when the sun sets, but it's unwelcome.

Solas holds out his hand, expression a bit quizzical, but he laughs when he receives his spoils. “Some cooling spell,” he says with a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. He’d seen the redirect for what it had been at Pirith’s terse instruction, and respected him all the more for it. “A trick worthy of your Dread Wolf,” he adds wryly. 

“More likely your people would chase me off with sticks,” he chuckles, the vivid memory of that first Dalish experience tempered only at last by his friendship with Pirith. Enough that he could admit to himself that perhaps his approach a year ago hadn’t been the best he could have taken. “And perhaps they’d be right to. No one wants to argue with an elf who thinks he knows better than everyone else. Except Varric,” he adds. His usual sparring partner. 

He looks out at the limitless sand dunes around them, their crystals shimmering just slightly with the waning moons. They match the star-filled sky, down to the endless expanse of nothing.

“There is some beauty here,” he tries, but finally he laughs. “Or this is the worst place the Inquisition has sent us. Which is saying something, considering the Fallow Mire. At least the company is good, bickering aside," he smiles.

"And I do know a spell to ward off the sun," he nods at Pirith's red ears. "It won't help with the dryness or thirst, but it will at least provide some small comfort."

[venusjaynie]

not him

billy hargrove x pregnant!reader

summary: you're 8 months pregnant and billy couldnt be happier. but even though he's excited for your little ball of sunshine to finally make his appearance, he's got some concerns.

warnings: neil hargrove, mentions of past abuse, mentions of child abuse, billy has abandonment issues and nightmares, some swearing, insecurity from both reader and billy hurt/comfort, lots of fluff (of course)

A/N: i think billy would be so worried about being a dad when you have your first kid. he doesn't want to end up like neil, and he doesn't want you to have to leave like his mother did :(

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When you first told Billy that the two of you are having a baby, he was freaked as fuck.

You were only 18 at the time, and he had just turned 19. The both of you always said you would wait until marriage to have children, and you didn't really have the money to support a kid at the time. Neither of you were prepared for the pregnancy happen, your being apartment cramped enough as it is with just the two of you, but as scared as you may have been, there was still an overwhelming amount of joy that took over you.

It took a couple of days for Billy to let the news sink in, and when he really thought about it, he was ecstatic. Now the excitement hasn't necessarily subsided for Billy, per say. It's just that, along with all that bubbling anticipation, he's doubting his skills of fatherhood, because he literally doesn't have any. Not yet anyway.

Billy doesn't plan to open up about his concerns, mainly because he's embarrassed, but also because you have more than enough on your plate being pregnant and all, and he doesn't want to burden you with some silly insecurities which he thinks will go away after a few weeks.

He's wrong.

They don't go away: if anything, they get worse. The closer you get to having your baby, the more worried he becomes. He's had to sleep on your couch, or not at all, because he's woken up in cold sweats after nightmares about Neil, or sometimes, he'll dream that he's the one mistreating his kid. Billy doesn't tell you, though. When he has these dreams, he wakes up, kisses your forehead gently, and tip-toes to the living room, where he sits on the couch and calms himself back down, before curling up on the soft seat and trying to get a couple more hours of sleep in before you wake up.

Billy thinks what he's doing is for the best, but what he doesn't realise is that every time you wake up in bed without Billy beside you, the rejections stings like a bee.

Pregnancy has had a real knock on your confidence, and you often worry Billy doesn't see you the way he used to. He had been more than supportive in every way, until the couch crashing started. You had been about 5 months pregnant, your bump very visible, and everything had been fine, until you went to bed. At around 4 in the morning, you had felt nauseous, and woke up to tell Billy you were going to the bathroom, but when you rolled over to face him, he wasn't there. Initially, you panicked, and you got up and left your bedroom to look for him, but as you got closer to the living room, however, you heard the TV quietly playing, and saw Billy fast asleep on the couch. You couldn't help the tears that sprung to your eyes at the sight of him being so content sleeping somewhere else instead of with you, but you just blamed that on your heightened hormone production and emotions. You didn't mention it to him the next day, thinking it was a one off occasion, but soon enough you found him on the couch 3 times a week, and then it was almost every night.

After 3 months of him sleeping on the couch from the early hours of the morning, you decide enough is enough. So you choose to confront him when he comes home from work.

At around 6, the time Billy's shift is over, you go to the kitchen and check on the dinner you've prepared. During your maternity leave you've taken to cooking and baking most days, and you're glad you have. It gives you something to do, and you've gotten pretty good at it, or so Billy says anyway.

Checking on the lasagna that's in the oven, you have to wipe your sweaty palms on your apron. You're honestly quite nervous to confront him. As much as you're ready to get to the root of the situation, you're terrified that he's going to turn around and tell you that he doesn't want this, doesn't want you, anymore.

It's 6:15 when Billy walks through the door, and he's not empty handed. He has a pink bouquet in his clutch, and you don't fail the notice how, even after all the bunches of flowers he's bought you over the years, the gesture still makes your stomach do a flip-flop.

"Hey, sweetheart." He doesn't hesitate to make his way to you and plant a big kiss on your lips, and you smile at him. It doesn't quite reach your eyes, however, and Billy notices. "You okay?" You nod in response. He eyes you wearily.

"I'm okay, babe, just tired." He doesn't believe you at all, but he doesn't push.

"These are for you. I saw them on my way this mornin' and they reminded me of you. Picked them up on the way back."

"Thank you, you're very sweet."

"Only for you." Usually a cheesy line like that would have you blushing and giggling at him, but not today. He doesn't even get so much as a breathy chuckle in return, just a half-hearted smile. And with that, he knows something is wrong. You go to turn back to the food you're preparing, but Billy stops you. "Hey, look at me." You do as he says, and he immediately notices the unshed tears in your eyes. "Baby, what's going on?" He reaches for your hand, and you don't pull away.

"Nothing, nothing. I'm alright, just hormones." You try to smile through your tears, but you think it probably comes out as more of a grimace than anything else.

"I don't believe you one bit. Tell me what's wrong, sweetheart."

"Billy, I'm really fine, just drop it." You say, snapping slightly.

He drops it.

You hand him his dinner plate and he makes his way to the table. You do the same, and Billy starts his usual retelling of his day. As much as you try to listen and engage, you're too busy thinking about what you're going to say to him, and Billy notices.

"Honey? Are you listening?" His concerned voice snaps you back into reality and you realise you haven't been paying attention.

"Sorry, Billy. Yes, I'm listening. Just zoned out for a second." He raises an eyebrow at your response.

"Okay, what's going on? Are you tired? Nauseous?"

"No, no it's not that. It's, uh, I just-" You stop yourself with a sigh, thinking it's best to pull yourself together a bit before you have this conversation. Taking a deep breath, you bite the bullet, "Why don't you sleep in our bed anymore?"

Billy looks shocked, then confused, then guilty, then a whole mix of other emotions that you're too tired to decipher.

"You noticed, huh?"

"Yeah, I noticed! Billy, you haven't slept a full night in our bed for 2 months. What the hell is wrong? Am I that repulsive to you that you can't even bare to sleep in the bed with me?" You know that's just the hormones talking, you didn't mean to say that, but you're curious anyway.

"What? No, of course not. That's not it at all." Billy's quiet when he talks, almost shameful. "Is that really what you think?" You nod. "Oh, god, honey, that's not what I think at all. You're beautiful. You've always been beautiful."

"Then why are you sleeping on the couch every damn night?"

"Baby, I-" He cuts himself off and rakes a hand through his hair, tugging a little out of stress. "C'mere, let's sit on the couch, 'kay?" He reaches for your arm, but you shy away from his touch, preparing yourself to be let down by what he has to say. Instead you walk over to your couch and Billy follows behind you like a kicked puppy.

Once settled on the couch, you don't say anything, waiting for Billy to explain his behaviour. He takes a deep breath, and stares at his hands, before speaking.

"I, uh- ever since we- Jesus Christ." His hand rakes through his hair again, and you can tell this isn't easy for him to say. Something in the back of your mind tells you that you were expecting the worst explanation, and that it isn't true, so you reach up and take his hand, linking your fingers with his and softly stroking your thumb on the back of his hand. He looks up at you, his eyes shining slightly.

"Take your time, it's alright. I'm in no rush." He sends you a small, grateful smile and does his best to blink back any tears threatening to leak from his eyes.

"You know how excited I am for our baby, right?" Billy says, and you nod your head. "Good. I'm so fuckin' stoked for us to have a kid. But for the past few months, I've been... having doubts." You're previously sympathetic looks contorts into one of confusion, and hurt. "Not those kind of doubts. Trust me, I wouldn't leave you to look after our kid all alone. I swear. I'm just seriously doubting my ability to be a dad."

"What's making you doubt yourself so much?"

"Neil." The name on Billy's tongue makes you still for a second. "I haven't been able to sleep lately because I keep having nightmares. And it's so stupid, 'cause I know he can't get me but I- God, I'm just so scared that I'm gonna turn out like him."

"You won't." Is all you say in reply.

"How do you know?" He asks quietly.

"Because I know you. I've known you since we were, what? 6?"

"5, actually."

"Exactly. Baby, I've known you forever, and I know that you're nothing like Neil. You wouldn't hurt a kid, and especially not your kid."

"But what if I get really angry and-" He cuts himself off with a hitch in his throat. "I don't wanna do something stupid, and I don't want my stupid actions to make you leave." He says the last part quietly, and it breaks your heart a little.

"Oh, Billy, is that what you're worried about? Me leaving?" He doesn't look at you, but you can tell by the way his mouth drops into a frown that he's confirming your suspicions. You can't help but wrap your arms around his neck, and he wraps his around your torso in response, gripping onto you like a vice. "I'm not gonna leave, and I'll tell you that as many times as it takes for you to believe me, alright?" Billy hugs you impossibly tighter. "And getting angry is normal. You've been angry at me before, right?" He nods into your neck. "And you've never laid a hand on me, right?" He nods firmly. "So I know you'd never hit our baby." You pull away from him slightly to look at him. His glassy eyes can't meet yours, so you press a kiss to his cheek and whisper, "I love you."

"I love you. So much." Billy's shaking hands make their way to your stomach, and he gently rubs in small circles with his thumbs. "I love you, too, kiddo." He manoeuvres his way to the floor into a crouching position and presses a soft kiss to your belly before standing back up and pulling you up with him. His arms snake around your waist and you lean into him, basking in the quiet of the moment, knowing that in a month there will be 3 of you. The thought makes your smile into Billy's chest, and you feel him kiss your temple lovingly. The guy couldn't hurt a fly, and you'll do everything you can to prove it to him, no matter how long it takes for him to believe you.

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i haven't even proof read this but here 🤗

[hannieehaee]

Heyyy!! Could you do a seventeen reaction to the reader saying another member's name while sleeping? 🙃 Btw, I really like your writing!! ❣

you saying another member's name in your sleep

wc: 1027

a/n: thank u sm for requesting <3 sorry i took so long with this T-T

masterlist

seungcheol -

this man is possessive as shit. he'd immediately wake you up and whine at dokyeom's name leaving your lips. you were most vulnerable when you were asleep, right? so why were you saying another man's name?? he wouldnt accuse you of anything, but he'd be pouty and genuinely a little upset that he's not the only man on your mind 24/7. you'd have to comfort and reassure him for a good hour as soon as you woke up.

jeonghan -

he loves his members more than anything, so any interaction between you and them made his heart melt. if you were asleep next to him and happened to say chan's name, he'd probably lightheartedly curse chan out next time he saw him. but when it came to you he'd do nothing further than tease you about it a little bit when you woke up, asking you if you had a lil crush on him or something.

joshua -

he'd tilt his head to the side the way confused puppies do. why were you saying jeonghan's name while lying in his arms? he wouldn't be offended by this, but just very confused. jeonghan? really? well, he couldnt really blame you. he'd think about doing it back to you but would decide against it upon taking another look at your curled up form against him. he'd have to take this up with jeonghan.

jun -

he probably wouldn't think too much of it. when he heard you say wonwoo's name, he'd probably let out a quiet 'oh?' and try to check if you were really asleep. he'd be confused as to why you were even thinking of wonwoo and would ask you about it the next morning. he's a little silly sometimes so he'd probably accidentally bring up the incident in front of the boys, rendering you extremely embarrassed.

soonyoung -

he'd find it so funny, giggling every time you repeated vernon's name. he wouldnt even think about the fact that you were saying someone else's name, he'd just find it funny that you were talking in your sleep without realizing it. he'd feel like he was being let in on a secret. he'd also bring it up one day as a 'fun' anecdote next time you and him hung out with the members, not realizing how embarrassing itd be for you to look at vernon in the eye after that.

wonwoo -

he'd lift his head up from his game at the sound of your voice, not knowing you were asleep and asking if you called him. he'd get no response, so he'd go check on you up close, only to realize you were asleep. when you'd unknowingly repeat yourself and mumbled a quiet 'kwannie', he'd be confused at the mention of his friend. he's not a jealous man, but this would unconsciously get him to turn off his game and hold you to sleep, wanting himself to be the only man in your subconscious.

jihoon -

you kept mumbling over and over while you slept. he ignored it at first, not understanding what you were saying, until the three syllables caught his attention, causing him to flip his chair around to face you. did you just say joshua? but the sight would make him too endeared to complain. you were curled up on his couch, having fallen asleep as you waited for him to finish working, insisting on staying with him. okay, it's fine if you dreamt of other men as long as you liked him the most.

dokyeom -

he had the tendency of talking in his sleep, often saying nonsensical stuff that didn't hold any meaning. so when he heard you say jun's name in your sleep, he decided to not let himself be bothered by it and just nudge you awake. he'd ask you what you were dreaming about, to which you'd respond a sleepy 'you', not even processing his question, making him coo at you and rest with you, forgetting you even said anything before that.

mingyu -

he'd whine as soon as you mumbled minghao's name, nuzzling further into his chest. you were nuzzling while thinking of minghao? what was he supposed to think about this? he'd whine to you about it as soon as you woke up, complaining that it wasnt fair you thought of other boys while you were the only girl in his mind. you'd have to comfort him, even though he'd he half-joking, only having wanted your attention.

minghao -

he wouldnt really think much of it. he knew some people had the tendency to talk in their sleep, also knowing that dreams were uncontrollable and meant nothing. he couldn't blame you, he was also a big fan of jihoon's. he'd probably wake you up, though, assuming this was your body's way of telling you you wanted to be awake. he wouldn't ask about it but would subconsciously stick by you a little more throughout the day.

seungkwan -

soonyoung? that guy? you were having a dream about that tiger obsessed freak? seungkwan loved soonyoung, but hated the idea of you thinking about him in your deepest state of relaxation. he'd be yet another member to whine and complain as to why you thought of other men. no, it didnt matter it was a mutual friend of yours! your mind was meant to be plagued by seungkwan only!

vernon -

he's so distracted he'd think you were making conversation with him at first. after you'd said 'cheollie', he'd respond with a mumble of 'yeah, what about him?', not even looking up from his phone to see you asleep. when he finally noticed he'd be more impressed at the discovery that you talk in your sleep than at the mention of his friend.

chan -

you were his little piece of heaven away from his 12 brothers who would tease and baby him all day. so when he heard you mention the name of one of the aforementioned brothers while he held you in his arms, he had to admit it kinda peeved him. why were you mumbling mingyu's name?? was it the muscles? was it the height? but this was all forgotten the next morning, when you decided to make it up to him as soon as he whined at you about being your favorite boy.

[t3ag3rs]

g e n s o - 0 2.

your body jolts up as you feel yourself on the verge of passing out.

you quickly glance up at your teacher to see if he noticed you sleeping in his class, sighing quietly when you notice he was turned to the board.

you itched your most recent cut, wincing slightly as it hurt. at least its somewhat healing.. you thought to yourself staring at the scar. you rubbed your eyes to fight the sleep trying to consume you. 

god its like im tired everywhere else except when its time to actually sleep..

you bounced your knee up and down waiting for the time to go by quicker. you couldnt wait to get out of this goddamn academy. why were all last days filled with sappy goodbyes and hugs? you couldnt wait to go home and take a nice long nap.

no more stressing out over school work. no more sleepless nights. no more burn outs.

that sounded like absolute heaven.

ring, ring, ring!

you jumped out of your seat and rushed home. you finally had months to actually prepare for the UA entrance exam. you had to make it in.

you promised him you would.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

"mom! can you please call bakugous mom and ask if they can come over? its been so long!" you pleaded once you got home. "fine.. let me call them" sighed out your mom, going to grab the phone.

you watched giddily as she called, "hey, do you think you could come over with bakugou today? y/n finally got out of school and wants to see him" she asked, you saw as her lips form a tight line, "oh.. i see.. its okay then! take care! " she ended the call.

"im afraid bakugou cant come over, she said he wanted to train for the entrance exam and nothing else." she continued but you werent listening.

he didnt want to see you.

after all these years of waiting patiently to see him was for nothing. he didnt care about your friendship with him. he just wanted to train and be a hero.

like always.

 "izuku could probably come over though.. are you even listening y/n??" your mother questioned. you snapped out of your trance, "o-oh yeah! sure we can do that!" you replied, not even knowing what you were agreeing to. 

 "good! izuku will be able to come tomorrow so i suggest you take a bath, eat early, and head to bed to get some good rest. no more school until that entrance exam, i know you wont let us down." she smiled and ruffled your hair.

 you smiled back and nodded. you werent planning on failing it anyways. even if bakugou didnt value your friendship anymore, you still made yourself a promise. you were going to make it in whether you liked it or not.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you showered quickly and went downstairs to get some water. you looked at the food hungrily, but your mind said otherwise. 

are you really going to eat? you already had so much food yesterday. its best you skip eating today so you wont gain much weight. 

you looked down at your stomach and sighed as it rumbled, aching for food. one night cant hurt right? you turned away from the food and got a water bottle getting ready to sleep.

you walked into your room and placed the water bottle on your nightstand and turned off the lights. you let out a yawn and layed down, falling asleep right as your head hit the pillow.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

the next day you woke up and did your morning routine. you couldnt help but be excited to see izuku after 3 years. 

as the doorbell rang you rushed to open the door and let out a gasp when you saw how much the green haired boy changed. you hugged him and smiled, "izu! oh my gosh ive missed you so much!" you pulled away and stared at him, "you look so mature now!"

 he let out a small laugh, "i can say the same to you y/n! its been so long!" you stepped aside and welcomed him in. you walked up with him into your bedroom and sat down, "how was the last three years? is bakugou still a bully to you?" you ask.

 he looks down sadly, "he hasnt changed much.. if anything its gotten worse. his egos so big now..!" he lets out a chuckle and scratches his neck, "just yesterday he burned my hero notebook and threw it in the fish pond outside the school..!"

 you gasped, "what? i cant believe he did that! hes changed so much..." he looked down and continued, "that wasnt the worst part... he told me to take a swan dive off the roof if i wanted a quirk that bad.." you felt the anger boil in you.

 "he said WHAT?" you asked in disbelief, "i cant believe i was friends with that piece of shit! and he said he wanted to focus on training instead of talkinh to me after 3 years! i cant believe he wants to be a hero with an attitude like that!" you yelled.

 "its not that big of a deal..! besides... we both got into a villain attack yesterday and guess who saved us?? all might!!" he started fanboying about all the things he did, but you were too busy thinking about how horrible bakugou had became.

"but poor kacchan.. the villian was really going to take over him.. it was scary to look at.." he rambled, "still! its no excuse to hows hes been acting! but your lucky you got to see all might! i wouldve fainted if i actually saw him! " you exclaimed.

 "exactly! but thats not the point, he said i could become a hero too!" he smiled, you looked at him confused "how..?" he looked at his hands and then back at you.

 "promise me you wont tell anyone" you nodded and swore, "all mights quirk was given to him, he wasnt born with it. he told me he would train me so that he could pass on his quirk to me!" your mind went blank.

 "how is that even possible? you cant inherit a quirk! thats not how things work. if its true how come none of the scientists have figured it out yet?" you rambled, "im not sure, but i can finally become a hero now! its all ive wanted, and to top it off i can be trained by the worlds greatest hero!"

 you couldnt help but smile and feel happy for him. all he ever wanted was to be a hero and now it could finally come true. "im happy for you izu! we can try out for UA together!" he smiled and let out a sound of agreement. "maybe we can train together under all might! im sure he'll like you, but just be warned he doesnt always look muscular... he has a whole different body when his quirk runs out.." 

 you found out just exactly what he meant the next day when you met him and all might at the beach.

"so y/n.. this is all might" he said pointing at a man who look like a drug-addict, but then suddenly changed to the all might you saw on tv. "what the actual fuck" you gasped, "told you to be warned..! all might i want you to meet y/n l/n, my best friend of many years!" 

you took a deep bow at his direction, "im thankful to be able to train under you, and for you to trust me with knowing about your identity and izukus new quirk" all might grinned, "of course kiddo, now whats your quirk?" 

 "i have the ability to control elements, so far its mainly the usual four; water, fire, air, earth. im most comfortable with water, and least with earth. each of my elements have its own drawback." he nods as you speak, "you both definitely need to start strength training more as your quirks will be powerful."

 "so lets get started!"

at that moment you had started the ten months of absolute torture. 

everyday was spent working harder than before. a meal plan that was composed so that your every meal had enough protein to not only loose the unwanted body fat, but to also build the needed muscle for your quirk. a sleep schedule so that you woke up everyday with enough energy to train the 5 gruesome hours every morning, and extra if you felt up to it.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

finally it was the morning of the long awaited entrance exam. you watched as deku screamed and let out every nerve he had in him. "i have to admit it.. you two have genuinely surprised me by cleaning the entire beach! " exclaimed all might.

he pulled up a photo of you two from the first day you started, "you two have definitely gotten stronger and you y/n, have grown more experienced with your quirk. young midoriya you have now worked your body enough to inherit my quirk... eat this." he handed deku a strand of his hair and you gagged silently.

 "to inherit my quirk you need to consume some of my dna" he explained, "theres no time to explain! eat it or you two will be late!" deku closed his eyes and swallowed the strand making you cringe.

i think im gonna be sick!

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you walked with deku to UA and stared at it in awe. you fiddled with your jacket covering the tight tanktop you had on, paired with your army green cargo pants. 

god im so nervous..!

 "even though i ate his hair i dont feel any different.." sighed deku, you smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder "its probably just getting used to your body, besides i never felt any different when i got my quirk!" 

 "stupid deku..! get out of my way before i light you on fire..!" snarled a voice from behind you. your heart dropped as you turned and made eye contact with bakugou. 

you couldnt believe how much he had changed. his face was more mature and his body had definitely grown more muscle. his attitude had just gotten worse though.

he knocked his shoulder into yours and walked away coldly, not saying a word to you.

"asshat" you whispered while continuing to walk with deku until he stumbled on his own feet and was frozen mid air. "are you okay?" said a high pitched voice from a brown haired girl beside you.

"i used my quirk to stop you from falling!" deku got up and started blushing, you giggled knowing he probably thought she was cute. "my names ochako uraraka! nice to meet you two!" you smiled as deku started glitching in real life. "my names y/n l/n and thats izuku midoriya! its nice to meet you too!"

you grinned as a plan came to mind, "well i have to meet someone inside.. you should get to know her izuku! it was nice meeting you! bye izu!" you ran away giggling. he had no choice but to talk to her now!

you took a seat next to a red haired boy and settled down looking at your card. looks like ill be in battle center A.. "hey what center are you in?" the boy asked you as he showed you his card , "oh um.. center A" he sighed, "guess we arent in the same one.. well i wish you luck anyways!" he grinned showing his sharp teeth.

you smiled back, "thanks! you too! also i really like the red hair!" he blushed, "thanks dude!" suddently the lights went out and the hero present mic started speaking.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you finally got changed out of your jacket and prepared to fight. you stood outside of the battle center with a group of other people. you noticed bakugou but didnt awknowledge him, instead you made sure you had enough water in your pouch to use during the fight.

suddenly the doors opened and present mics voice could be heard counting down. "on your mark.. get set... go!" 

 it was finally the moment you had been training months for.

previous parts: pt. 00 / pt. 01 next parts: pt. 03 / pt. 04 / pt. 05 / pt. 06 / pt. 07 / pt. 08 / pt. 09 / pt. 10 / pt. 11 / pt. 12 / pt. 13 / pt. 14 / pt. 15 / pt. 16

[daggerspare-standingby]

The Chase - Part 1 | Hangman x Reader

Ok ok so I've had this in my works for a while and I couldnt find the guts to post it but here it is... my Jake x Reader Fic. Thanks to @roosterforme for helping me come up with a name :)

Summary: You've got a summer job bartending at the Hard Deck, and every night the same cocky naval aviator comes to the bar and flirts with you. You don't return his advances, heeding everyone's warnings and deciding to play hard to get, but jealousy creeps in each time he leaves with another tag chaser. Leaving you to your nighttime fantasies.

Jake secretly loves the chase you give him, he leaves with the girls but only for a hot and heavy make out session outside the bar. Since meeting you, and seeing the way his flirtatious advances effect you, or lack thereof, he's not able to get you out of his head. Your sassy attitude makes him weak in the knees, and makes his heart beat a little faster each time you give him a smart remark. There's no doubt in his mind, you're the one for him.

Warnings: none that I can think of in this one, smut for future parts, bar and navy inaccuracies for sure

Pairing: Jake x Bartender!Reader

Word count: 2348..

You had never met a more cocky and arrogant person than Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin. From the very first day you met the aviator, he crawled right under your skin with his constant smirk and holier-than-thou attitude. He thought you would simply fawn under his striking green eyes and sparkling white grin. He didn’t expect you to be immune to his advances each night.

When he saw you at the bar the night of your first shift, he was captivated by your long flowing hair and your cute ass in the jean shorts you wore, he sent up a silent thank you for the ac that couldn’t keep up. Then you turned around and he saw the little tank top you were wearing, which showed off a respectable amount of cleavage and he could swear he could pop a gasket right there. You were absolutely beautiful. When you laughed at something one of the patrons said, your smile brightened up the whole bar, he’d stood and admired you, frozen in place (right by the front door to the bar) until Fanboy walked right into his back “hey, watch it Garcia”, Hangman grumbled as he moved to their usual spot by the pool tables. Coyote followed his friend’s gaze, also landing on the pretty new bartender Penny had hired who was singing along to the music playing through the jukebox as she served beverages. “Hangman, let’s go get some beer.” Always the best wingman, Hangman gave him an appreciative nod as they both made their way to the bar, they leaned against it waiting their turn to be approached. 

Each night would be the same song and dance, you would be behind the bar lighting up the dingy floor boards and peeled paint with your smile, Jake and the Dagger Squad as they became affectionately known after their successful mission, would show up after work, order a few rounds and Jake would unsuccessfully flirt with you and try to get your phone number. It irked him that you called everyone by their first names, except for him. You and the squad had developed a friendship like no other, but for Jake, that beautiful smile and long hair was what he wished to see splayed out on his pillow beside him when he woke up. 

He had been flirting with you for months, you’d clocked the aviator a mile away every time he walked into the bar, oozing swagger and confidence. That damn toothpick gripped between those pearly white teeth, which simultaneously drove you mad and made you incredibly horny - especially when he did that thing with his tongue that flipped it around… the first time he did it he was standing at the bar waiting for a drink from Penny, and you couldn't help but check him out, he was attractive, sure you’d give him that. His piercing green eyes meeting yours “I don’t think I’ve seen you here before darlin’,” You straightened slightly, not expecting the attention and having only been hired by Penny a few days ago to help out with the summer shifts “Penny just hired me…” He smiled, “I’m Jake, but they call me Hangman.” Before you could respond, Penny returned with his beers and handed them to him “leave my bartenders alone Hangman” you bit your lip and watched as Jake retreated to the pool tables and his friends, but not before casting you one more glance before starting a pool game. 

He flirted shamelessly with you each time he came to the bar, and you couldn't help the butterflies that erupted in your stomach each time he did. He had done the toothpick trick a couple times and your mind wandered to what else he could with that tongue of his. By the end of your shift, he was long gone, usually with a pretty young thing on his arm, but you were left with thoughts of his steely green eyes, sharp jaw, witty mouth and wicked tongue. You returned to your apartment, shed your clothes and crawled into bed, but you were so keyed up with thoughts of Lieutenant Jake “Hangman” Seresin, that your hands wandered down your body, under your sleep shirt, and into your panties, already soaked with arousal. His honeyed voice echoing in your mind, saying your name to get your attention at the bar, the way he winked at you as he added a few more beer to his tab, and imagining that your fingers currently circling your clit was his tongue instead was what had you clenching around nothing and arching off the bed. 

It was the same, night after night. Jake would come to the bar after his shift, his khaki uniform straining over his biceps and making your mouth water and breath catch. He’d wink at you when he placed his order, and flirt with you shamelessly all night. But you’d seen the way he turned on the charm with every girl at the bar, especially when you didn’t reciprocate his advances each night. He eventually left with them each and every night, and the thought crept into your head that maybe everyone was right - Hangman only wanted one thing, and you didn’t want to be another notch on his bed-post. But that didn’t stop you from circling your clit with your fingers each night, shuddering with his name on your lips as you came. 

One Friday, Penny had an additional hand from Jimmy and gave you the night off to enjoy it from the other side of the bar. You sipped your drink sitting at a barstool, when just after 5pm the door opened with a roar of conversation flooding in, Jake followed by the rest of the Dagger Squad. You watched Jake’s eyes scanning the bar and a ghost of a frown touches his lips as he doesn’t see you working. He orders a beer from Penny anyways and your smirk grows, watching him make his way back to the pool table and dart board as the squad normally does. You sit on your stool opposite the bar, observing, the normal swagger and confidence he exudes is still there, especially when he throws a perfect game again, but his smile as he ribs his teammates doesn’t quite reach his eyes. You can’t hear the conversation, but you hear the rest of the team groan at presumably one of his cocky remarks, you nod Penny over and order a round of beers for the aviators, plus one for yourself and head over with the full tray. 

“Rooster, if you fly the way you play pool you’re definitely going to run out of gas. Make the shot man” You set the tray of cold beers down on a high top table and watch Rooster take the shot and scratch. Taking a beer from the tray you approach the group of pilots, “Can I tag in Roos?” Everyone - including Hangman - straightens up at your arrival. Jake’s grip on his pool cue tightens slightly, not enough for you to notice, but enough for Javy to smirk around his bottle as he brings it to his lips, knowing his best friend is hooked and falling real hard for you. Rooster happily hands you his pool cue and takes the beer from you instead “good luck, you’ll need it to beat Hangman.” Your eyes finally meet the blonde pilots “you’re not gonna go too hard on me, right Hangman?” Jake’s eyes softened slightly at your gaze, oh yeah, he was hooked. “Course not darlin’.” He racked the balls again, trying to keep composure and not give away his feelings about you “you’re not working tonight?” You shook your head as you chalked your cue “nope, got the night off. A girl deserves to have fun every now and again, you naval aviators can’t be the only ones.” The Dagger Squad was watching the banter, keeping their conversation low, but with invested interest. Hangman’s signature smirk grew on his face “You can break darlin’” You nodded, rounding the table and laying out the cue ball, lips pursed in a small smile as you bent at the waist eyeing the shot you were about to make, purposely taking your time, making sure he would take full advantage of your ass basically on display.

Jake inhaled deeply, watching you lean over the pool table and willed his mind to think of anything but the inappropriate thoughts that were trying to push in. “You sure you don’t need a hand there sweetheart?” he made sure to add a little extra bravado in his tone, hoping that it would mask the desperation he felt seeping into his bones at how badly he wanted to wrap his body around yours. You cast him a sideways smirk and took the shot, sinking two right off the break. Standing, to move around the table you brushed right against his chest, his scent overwhelmed your senses, sandalwood and cinnamon, but you kept your chin up “you’re in the way of my next shot Hangman.” Jake’s eyebrows raised, almost to his hairline as he steps out of the way, unable to wipe the grin off his face. Finally, someone who could keep up with him.

This was a welcome change to the flow of the usual evening, the light chatter from the squad surrounding you as you and Jake battled it out over a game of pool. He made a smart alec remark just as you took another shot, causing you to misalign and miss slightly, giving him the upper hand. His grin widened, making the corners of his eyes crinkle “Oh darlin’ that’s too bad. Let me show you how a real winner plays.” You stood back, picking up your drink and watching his confidence come back with each shot he made. Just before he sunk the 8 ball, his eyes reached yours “thanks for the challenge sweetheart.” You rolled your eyes watching as the ball sunk into the pocket “they should call you Hangover, you just give me a headache. Sorry I couldn’t take him down a peg, friends.” You handed the cue stick over to Coyote who took it with a small chuckle and you made your way over to the bathroom. 

The rest of the team returned to their conversations, Payback and Fanboy arguing about which Star Trek rerun was better, Phoenix, Bob and Rooster discussing different flight plans but Jake approached Javi watching your retreating form and let out a small sigh “I’m gonna marry that girl.” Javi looked at his friend with a raised eyebrow “you sure about that man?” Jake turned his attention to Javi with a serious expression “yes! name another girl that can keep up with me.” Coyote shrugged “All I’m saying is, if that’s your plan, stop leaving every night with some tag chaser for a heavy petting session.” Jake frowned, his brows knitting in the middle but the look disappeared as quickly as it arrived when you exited the bathroom and were making your way back towards them. 

You needed a break after being in such close proximity to him for so long, bodies brushing each time you passed each other to make another shot, feeling the heat of his gaze on you the entire time, you retreated to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on the back of your neck and on your cheeks. You knew he was going to leave with another girl tonight, why did you still let him get to you? a small voice in your head told you it was because you hoped that he would leave with you tonight, but did you really want to be another conquest? another name on the bathroom stall under his callsign. Another small voice in your heart told you that the two persona’s were different, and Jake wouldn’t treat you that way, but you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, settling on better never than maybe, and made your way back out to the aviators around the back area of the bar. Seeing some of the usual customers you waved and made some casual conversation as you moved through the space, completely unaware of the way his eyes followed your every move. 

What you were also completely unaware of, was the young officer who had had a little too much to drink, was sloshing his beer all over the place, and knocked into you accidentally, causing you to slip on the spilled liquid and as you squeezed your eyes shut bracing for the pain of hitting the floor, you realized that pain never came. The scent hit you before you could open your eyes, but as you did, you were brought back to a standing position by Jake, his hand firmly gripping your upper arm, which loosened once you stood straight and he briefly ran his eyes over you, giving you a once over “are you ok?” You needed to blink a couple times before words could form on your tongue, but when they did, they sounded too breathless “yeah.” He was still holding your arm, it was almost too much, feeling of electricity running through your system stemming from where his calloused hand was touching your arm. You looked back at how far you were from the pool tables and silently wondered how he had gotten over to you so quickly, your ears were buzzing and he was saying something to Penny, who then quickly turned to ring the bell. You recognized the cheer of “Overboard” Jake turned to look at you and you registered that he was talking to you “stay right here, I’m gonna toss this loser out and then I’ll take you home.” You started to protest but he was gone before you could even get the words out. Coyote and Payback assisted him with tossing out the young sailor and then he was back in front of you “I paid your tab, come on.” And that would be the first time you followed Jake out of the Hard Deck, with him holding onto your hand.

—

Tagging some friends who might be interested?

@djs8891 @blue-aconite @midnightmagpiemama @rosiahills22 @hecate-steps-on-me @cherrycola27 @roosterforme @roosterbruiser @mak-32 @beyondthesefourwalls @paigewinchester67 @horseshoegirl @potatothatcanwrite @theharddeck @thedroneranger @hangmandruigandmav

Let me know if you want to be added or removed or if you can think of someone that may like where this is going! I appreciate it <3

x Brina

[kumezyzo]

hey bff i’m going thru it can i pls request fluffy smut with sap 😢

i think we should all just come to terms with how inconsistent i am with these asks... btw fem!reader smut if you didn't get that already...

anyway, enjoy! or dont... :) m.list

"hey, peaches," your boyfriend greeted you when he saw you sitting on the couch. it was one in the afternoon and he was just waking up.

"hey," you said back, not looking up from your laptop. "how did you sleep?"

he grumbled a little as he shuffled over to you. you glanced to your right when you felt the couch dip next to you. then you felt him wrap his arms around your waist and snuggle his face into your side.

"i would've slept better with you there," he said slyly. you scoffed and shook your head. you reached down and ran your hand through his hair lightly massaging his scalp. then you went back to typing on your laptop.

"im sorry, i have to work during the day," you say playfully, feeling his breathing through your shirt. "i cant just work when i want to."

"you can do anything you want," he responded, lifting your shirt slightly to place his hands on your skin. if he was being honest, he wasn't even sure of what he was saying. he just wanted to touch you.

"baby, im working," you tell him in a warning tone. he hummed in agreement, lifting your shirt more. when he saw the skin underneath slowly revealing itself, he started planting little kisses on it. "okay, thats enough baby."

he grunted and pulled away, looking up to pout at you. you glanced down at him, glaring at his before you sent the email you were typing up.

you sighed and opened up the email you were sent while typing the past one. groaning at the name of the sender. then groaning again by the subject line: URGENT! NEEDS IMMEDIATE APPROVAL

as you read the email, you rolled your eyes. 'sorry yn, this isnt urgent but-'

you shut your laptop harshly and set it aside, rubbing at your eyes tiredly. your boyfriend just looked up at you with concerned puppydog eyes. you threw your head back and sighed.

you looked down when you felt him poke your stomach softly. "what was that?"

"nothing," you sigh. "im gonna go get water."

he peels himself away from you and watches you walk into the kitchen to get yourself water. he scoots to the other end of the couch and rests his head on the arm rest. he closes his eyes and waits for to get back.

as you drink your water, you notice how his shirt rode up slighty. it revealed the patch of hair leading down past the elastic of his boxers. his arms resting behind his head, flexing slightly.

you set down your empty glass and walked over to the couch. you slowly crawled over your boyfriend and sitting right over his crotch. he peeked up at you with one eye and without a second thought, set his hands on your hips.

"so now you have time for me?" he asked smugly, smirking as he kept his eyes closed. the content look on his face making your roll your eyes.

then you lean down and softly kiss his lips, taking him by surpise. but he moaned softly and gladly accepted it. he then slipped his hands under the waistband of the sleep shorts you didnt bother changing out of when you woke up.

he pulled away for a moment, "take these off for me, peaches?"

you nodded and got off him, slipping off your shorts and panties easily. he did the same, taking off his boxers and bringing you back to him quickly. when you were over him, you positioned yourself right over his hardening shaft and slowly began grinding down on him.

you leaned down again, kissing him softly as you kept your hips at a slow pace. he squeezed your hips and thighs, throbbing between your legs. he lost his mind when the sound of you two grinding bare against eachother started getting louder and louder. you would also let out a particularly heavy breath every time your clit caught on his tip.

when he couldnt take it anymore, he pulled away and lined himself up with your soaked entrance. "youre so wet, peach," he said as he let you sink down on him slowly. he threw his head back and you sighed as you felt him fill you up slowly.

"fuck..." you moan out fully sat on his lap again. then, you started grinding on him again. you kept the same pace as before, moaning when your clit dragged against him.

you leaned back down, desperately needing to feel his lips against yours. his hands traveled down to your ass, giving you a light smack. he groaned when you clenched around him in response.

he pulled away, making you bury your head in his neck. "better than answering emails. isn't it, peach?"

you rolled your eyes and started sucking on his neck. he groaned at the way you nibbled at his reddening skin. smacked your ass again, needing to feel you clench around him again.

you moaned at the way his right hand traveled between you two, starting to rub your clit. he used the hand on your hip to help you start bouncing on him.

"you close yet- fuck," he moaned. "you close peach?"

"mm-mm," you hummed, breathing heavily against his ear. he grunted, throwing his head back and trying his hardest to hold out cumming.

"fuck!" he cried out, moaning pathetically as he began shooting ropes of cum into you. you moaned when you felt it slowly start seeping out of you as you kept grinding on him, trying to reach your own high. "please, baby, cum for me?"

you moaned as you felt yourself fall over the edge, cumming all over his softening dick. he sighed happily, feeling how you involuntarily squeezed down on him.

"you never answered my question," he told you, smirking.

you hummed questioningly, trying to catch your breath. "what?"

"isn't this better than answering emails?"

*insert matthew mcconaugheys "alright alright alright" here* -nony

[mikalame]

Hi! If it's fine can you make Tom x reader headcanons like few Tom as a best friend, then as a boyfriend, then fiancé, husband and father. It can include sfw and nsfw if you want to. I hope you understood what I tried to say. Love your works, thank you!!

taglist: @oppopotamus @violentnewmarley @saumspam

btw when i write i usally imagine readers in the band if you dont want that ask in requests lol

Besfriend

You felt your eye close heavily as you sink further into the bus bed you and the band had finished another concert and sleepyness was takeing over all of you. just before you heard a whisper from underneath you. "Psst ___, you up still" it was tom, hearing your name woke you up instantly you push the curtain and looked down to see tom staring up at you "Yeah whats up" you whisper knowing if you two were to wake up bill you would be dead. "yeah i just cant sleep you you think i could... sleep next to you up there...." Tom says you could barely hear it but you nodded slowly

As you move the blanket to make space you start to blush and a smile creeps over your face. You quickly got rid of it when you felt tom haul himself up onto the bed. You wait for him to get comfortable then you shimmy down the blanket you face the wall with tom facing your back. Soon you felt sleepy enough and your eyes weighed down again just before you dozed off you felt arms wrap around you and pull you close you face goes bright red when he moved him face to be in the crook of your neck.

Boyfriend (this one is a bit longer than the last)

You and Tom have been dating for 3 years now and each anniversary have been amazing a beutiful you wondered where you two would be going for your next but tom desided to keep it a secret and not tell you. As you were getting ready tom walked in a told you dress warm, you wondered what that meant the butterflys in your stomach growing more and more as the time went on. Just before you two got there Tom had wrapped a eyemask over your face so you couldnt see where you were going. When you tom parked the car he lifted the mask off and you two saw where going.

An ice skating rink you had only been once before with the band so it would be there first time doing this just you two. You squealed excitedly and wrapped your arms around toms neck and he wrapped arms around your waist hugging you closely. As you two ran to get the shoes you saw that tom had booked the arena for just you two and everything was free (lol just imagine). You 2 grabbed the shoes, tom had decided to puts yours on for you, when you went on the ice you 2 were having such a great time.

Afew hours had gone by and you two were eating something they had on the menu, it was now time to exchange gifts you had been very existed about this as you had bought the hat he had been wanting for the past year. You had desided to go first and when tom opened the gift his eyes immediately lit up a joyful smile spread on his face as he thanked you immensely for.

When it came time for tom to gift you his he made you close your eyes when he told you to open you saw he was on one knee, you jaw dropped when you saw the ring in its box "___ will you make me the happiest girl and mar-" "YES OMG YES!!" you yell pulling him into a kiss before he could finish, i smile adored him face

Fiance (kinda short)

You had been planning the wedding for months now and today was the big day that you and tom were to go cake tasting. They handed you list of flavors you were to try tom quickly pointing at the lemon flavour as its his favourite. When you walked down the hall to where you would be tasting the cakes you were not prepared for how many you would be trying they had multiply rows of cake peices on plates lined up for you and tom.

When you two sat down you were given another sheet with the flavour marked down with a box for yes and no, signalling which ones you liked or not. When you guys hit the lemon flavour tom started to beg to have more making a very large tick next to it, you agreed and said it was very nice and felt 'fresh'. as you moved on none of the flavours sticking out to you like lemon did you did end up going with lemon in the end, tom was bursting at the seems on the way home calling the band and telling them how it was going to be lemon while driving.

Husband

You and tom just got back from your honeymoon after you unpacked all you belongings you sat down on the couch exhausted from unpacking and from the honeymoon with tom😉. Then it really dawns on you that your married, your actually married you look down at your engagement and wedding ring and giggled to yourself. The giggling seemed to have caught your husband's attention as he asked you.

"What's got you so giddy huh?" he questions with a smirk "it kinda just dawned on my properly that we're MARRIED like proper" you say snuggling into him feeling him arm wrap around you just like so many years ago "yeah i know must feel so amazing to be married to the Tom Kaulitz, but i feel ecstatic you know why" he says "why" you look up and him. he looks down at you and says "because im married to You" he kisses you gently on the lips after you two pull apart you both stay still just melting into each other being happy to finally be married after all those years.

i didnt do dad just because i wasnt sure on how to write and i felt like it might of gotten to long sorry anon but i hope you enjoyed it

[tremendouscreationperson]

Bucky x Reader imagine

This could prolly work with Logan too now that I think of it

Imagine you work in a DIY store (I'm from the UK so it would be B&Q for me but I think the equivalent would be home depot?) and you meet this awkward hulk of a man who's staring off into space vaguely in your direction.

"you alright?" He snaps out of it and nods quickly reassuring you he was just thinking. "Well come find me if you need anything."

.

He doesn't come back for a full month (he's embarrassed to have been caught spacing out and he also wants to know he's ready to be in public but his project isn't moving forward and he wants to finish it so he braves another trip to your store).

"screws are in aisle 21" you speak from behind him, having seen the one he brought for comparison in his hand.

Bucky quickly thanks you and heads off to the aisle. He hates that there's a loud radio and that there's constant chatter and even children running about without a care. It's a little much but his beloved family owned store had closed once Lester retired.

.

Bucky is back looking for new sanding sheets the next time he comes across you. A man is yelling at you about a refund you cannot provide but you keep your cool and tell him politely to leave the store. He had no receipt, no packaging and had paid cash there was no way to track when he purchased it or if it was even from your shop so of course you couldnt give him money. The man was escorted out by the security guard and you asked the young boy at the returns desk if he was okay, he nodded and thanked you before you walked off.

Bucky quickly fell into step with you, you gave him a curious side eye. "you alright?"

"yeah, just watched the commotion. You handled yourself well."

"thanks, at least I get paid to be shouted at, poor Ryan doesn't." You gave him a quick wink and walked away.

.

It was a while before you two saw eachother again, he had returned to the store (definitely not to see you) but you weren't in or were merely unavailable.

"hey." Bucky spoke as you handed a customer a tin of mixed paint.

"hey, there. Long time no see."

"yeah, been a while."

The conversation came to an abrupt stand still as you waited for him to elaborate. He never did and you quickly asked, "so why ya here now? What ya getting?"

"just some undercoat today."

"5." You provided him the opportunity to exit the conversation. He didn't take it and you continued with, "I can show you if you want."

Bucky nodded and let you lead him through to the undercoats. You showed him the difference between the brands and the sizing. He knew the one he wanted but liked you talking so let you.

"thank you (y/n)." He spoke as you left, your eyes flashed with confusion before remembering you were wearing a name badge

.

"hey, (y/n)." Your name woke you up.

"oh hey." You rubbed your eye. "Sorry, I closed last night and opened today so I am dead."

The security guard he had previously seen was walking past and heard your words. "They work you too hard." He spoke with a slight accent.

"yes they do Dave." You agreed with a chuckle

Bucky liked your smile and your laugh, it was a sweet, almost delicate, thing.

"you were just-" he motioned towards the computer you stood at. "Standing."

"yeah. I have to print the sales reports and do a team brief, then I can go home." You quickly logged back into the computer. "God I'm actually scarily tired." You made a face but we're still smiling.

"why did you close and then open?"

"Ahh, Carlota is sick." You shrugged. "I'm the next nearest so they call little ol' me. That's what I get for being a team leader."

"team leader?" He hadn't heard of that job role

"essentially I'm a manager but I get paid less and do more work." You pressed print. "Right, I'll see you soon I assume? Oh that rhymes!"

.

"paint is my thing." You agreed. "Let's get you paint. We want Dulux? Crown? We mix in Valspar."

Bucky gave you a shrug. "What's a good paint for a bedroom?"

"literally any emulsion." You waved a hand towards your colour charts. "What colour you feeling?"

"I don- black?"

"for your whole room?"

"yeah?"

"I'd only ever say yes to that if your house had one full window wall. Black is a lot. Its the absence of colour, to put it dramatically... it'll depress you. We can do a deep colour like a green or a maroon or even a beige but I think black is too hardcore even for you."

Bucky listened and nodded. You seemed to know what you were talking about.

"maybe have a look online at some inspo pics?"

"I don't really do online." He confessed. "I barely have a phone, I don't even think it's on me." He patted his pockets.

"oh wow. I mean good for you. I wish I could get off mine more but I read a lot on my phone so it's a bit difficult."

"what are you reading?"

"I am currently rereading the lord of the rings." You thrust your forearm towards him displaying a tattoo he had noticed before. "Kinda a fan."

"I liked the hobbit." Bucky nodded. "I haven't read the lord of the rings, yet."

"oh you must! And the silmarillian(however you spell that, sue me)!" You gave him a big smile and looked to his left, Bucky followed and saw an elderly lady waiting patiently with a colour chip.

"I'll be back for a colour."

.

"So you've chosen your colour?"

"what's your favourite colour?"

"I dunno it changes a lot to be fair." He had noticed you decorated yourself in brightly coloured things, sometimes it was your nails, sometimes it was hair clips or bangles. Either way you always had some form of colour. "Been feeling blue recently. The colour, not sadness."

"then I'd like a blue."

"for your room?"

"yeah."

"pffftt. No! You strike me as a brown guy." You folded your arms. "You have a lot of mahogany and oak in your house, you probably built a lot of your furniture, so I think a nice deep warm feature wall and the rest can be white or cream."

Bucky was able to picture what you said and did agree it would look nice. "okay that."

"right now I have like 200 shades of brown, let's have a look."

It took less than five minutes for you to say "what about thi-" and him immediately say yes, you walked him to the tills and when he was at the exit you stopped him.

"you know you don't wear a name badge."

"no," he agreed "I don't."

"you know my name, that's a little unfair, right?"

"oh, B- call me James." He held out a hand

"call you James?" You raised a brow but shook the offered hand.

"it's my name."

"right." You laughed. "Well that does it. It's a shame. I've sworn off James'"

"you've?"

"my ex was a James, so I've sworn you lot off."

"oh I didn't know."

"well how could you." You playfully shrugged.

"no I didn't know that was on the cards."

.

The playful flirting continues a while before he eventually asks you on a date, it's beautiful and you had a wonderful time. Bucky even took up actually taking his phone out with him incase you sent a text, he was bad at responding but liked that you thought of him. He just liked you, you werent a hero or a mutant or someone with supreme intelligence. You were an average person making the most of their life, you weren't a massive fan of the job you were in a fact he knew when he asked if you'd get in trouble for talking to him so much "if they wanna be rid of me that's actually in my favour". You were normal. He loved it. The idea of normality was daunting when he thought of all he had done but when he pictured you he felt warm. It felt peaceful.

[simp4creamcheesebagels]

Another Price x reader writing prompt

You and price have an established relationship (maybe married or just dating), pregnancy, it has a hint at sex, (but I put it as mature just in case) and mentions of war.

(Afab)

So before the whole Makarov conflict officially drags 141 in, you and price are worried...you see him reading the papers and watching the news about it. Even when he's off duty. And your intuition is just telling you that you all are going to be deployed again. But you remember how you froze up in the battlle feild the last time. You were as solid as ice. Shaking like a leaf. Jumping at every sound of a gunshot. -You just couldn't do it.

So they moved you to an-off feild postion. Somthing you could handle. And you felt bad, knowing you weren't as beneficial in the battle feild as you thought you'd be. But it was better for you, mentally and physically. You just worked better in the office. It kept you sane and Price sane. He clould reach you easier, and he could sleep somewhat better while he was deployed knowing that you werent deployed on the other side of the earth too. You couldnt stomach walking back onto the battlefield. But you knew that you might have to do it again with the way that Makarov bastard was acting. But how? How could you scurry away from your duty...? How could you do this legally? This thought kept you and Price up at night. He knew how shaky you got at the topic of war. He knew how anxious and frustrated you'd get. It was a sickening thought. You couldn't just escape deployment, it was a federal offense.

...

But then the realization that you had a uterus hit you in the middle of the night.

You felt stupid for not thinking about this earlier.

You woke up in a cold sweat, looking around like a crazed dog. You wanted to wait til' he woke up. But you couldn't just go back to sleep. You were waayy to jittery for that now. You tapped him awake, lightly- of course. You couldn’t just shake a captain awake and expect him to not have some crazy reaction. So you tapped him lightly- but frantically. And he woke up, wiping his eyes and wondering what the hell you were yapping about. He and you had talked about kids before, of course. You guys wanted to have them when the time was right, when he retired and could be there for all the little moments...Not now. He wasn't doubting you- he knew you'd be a great parent. He just didn't wanna leave you behind at home. Alone. So when the idea of escaping war by getting pregnant came up into the air, he said he'd sleep on it.

And he did. For a couple of days. He saw how everytime you went grocery shopping you would always stop by the baby isle.

"What'are we stopping here for..?"

"...No reason, -Just wanted to stop by."

How he'd glance over your shoulder to find you looking at baby bassinets on pinterest. But that wasn't the last straw. The last straw was when he read that one, final article. That one article on how America and Great Britain would probably have to join in on the conflict to stop it. He knew they probably were right. Thats when he set his cigar down, took off his glasses and headed upstairs. He walked into your shared space, shooting you a look. That look.

"...You're off your birth control right?"

Author's note: this isn't meant to be my own fanfiction or anything, I just really wanna see other people try this prompt out. This is just a long drabble to give writers a feel of how they could do this. If the writer decides to transition this into smut, please don't include a breeding kink or anything non/dub-con. No hate, I just find it gross. Please tag this post if you do write about this/continue this! I'll make time to read it!🎀

(Ps. Sorry if it sucks, I dont really write)

If ppl want a part two though lmk!

[yeonmuse]

BUTTON EYES

Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | All Chapters

PAIRING | OT8, MC SEONGHWA

WORDS| 2.7K

GENRE | Coraline au, angst, suspense,

SUMMARY | What happens when Seonghwa returns to the home he was once fond of as a child? This time around making his return as a full adult with the company of friends. Nightmares and old friends return and the button eyes that Seonghwa desperately escaped as a child have returned to haunt he and his friends.

WARNING | Graphic descriptions, mentions of death, ghost children, witchcraft, grsphic nightmares, arson, lost memories

MORE | Based on the childrens novel & Henry Selick film Coraline

Before i go any further i want it to be known i am in no way claiming Coraline as my own. I wrote a concept for a part 2 or spinoff long ago and I just felt that it was time to finally put it to use. I do not own Ateez or any Coraline named Characters in this story but the Storyline is indeed a self made one.

And so the four boys found themselves huddled up by the fireplace sitting in silence. Mingi hasn't spoken a word about what he heard and Seonghwa seemed lost in thought. He couldnt stop thinking about his night terror from the previous moment, he hadnt had any nightmares since he was eleven.

"So what exactly was it that you heard Mingi?" Yunho spoke up finally deciding to break the silence.

"Sounded like..like a kid, i woke up to get some water and when i passed the art room there were i dont know silent cries or something, if ive learned anything from the movies Jongho has forced me to watch its if you hear things like that you run the opposite direction." Mingi babbled without even stopping to take a breath.

"Have you been forcing him to watch horror movies again?" Yunho turns to look at Jongho who simply shrugs his shoulders in response.

Yunhos eyes then shoot to Seonghwa who hadnt spoken a word since the four of them set up their space down there. He could tell that something was wrong but he didn't want to question it. All he knew was that distant look in Seonghwas eyes showed he saw something that shook him up.

"Movie or no movie, i know what I heard."

The next morning while Yeosang took the others into town Seonghwa found himself alone in the house as he awaited Hongjoongs arrival. The fact that he couldn't remember much even having spent soo much time in the house bothered him. As he waited he decided to search around as Yunho had said the previous day. Many doors remained locked and he couldn't hide his curiosity as to what lay beyond the other side.  The man tried every key that he'd found in the kitchen drawer, but to his dismay neither worked. It didn't quite add up to him that there wasn't a key in the house that seemed to work.

When Hongjoong arrived the two sat silently drinking tea in the kitchen. Needless to say it was quite awkward between the two, after all thirteen years had passed without the two having talked with one another.

"I assume you didn't simply call me here for company while you drink your tea Seonghwa..so what is it that you need from me?" Hongjoong asks as he places his up down onto the countertop.

Seonghwa sat silent for a moment as if thinking over what he should say. "What happened here Joong, Ive been racking my brain trying to remember something, anything from my past here yet it seems like any memory of those days are non existent in my mind." At his words Hongjoong seemed to stiffen in his seat and this didn't go unnoticed by Seonghwa

"So you dont remember anything...? Nothing at all from your stays here..?"

"I know you know something about this place, you were eager to leave the moment you let us into the place when we arrived. Yeosang said that Mr. Bobinsky told him stories about this place, what is it that I'm not remembering.. what happened here"

Hongjoong could sense the desperation in Seonghwas voice but he still remained unsure on whether he should bring up any memory of the past. Perhaps Seonghwa was better off left in the dark about everything he had experienced there. Hongjoong had never had it as bad as Seonghwa when it came to the old manor but there were a few moments HongJoong spent in the house that just the thought of sent chills down his spine. As if the lord had answered his prayers to end the conversation there was a soft click as the door opened before loud voices were heard in the foyer.

"They were into me, I could have had two dates for that movie drop tomorrow night." A voice unfamiliar to Seonghwa whined amongst the many other loud voices before a voice he recognized as yeosangs spoke in response.

"Two girls out of the many that already fawn over you already I think youll be fine Wooyoung." He spoke menacingly before pushing the door to the kitchen open. In walked the others, this time accompanied by two men unfamiliar to Seonghwa but familiar to Hongjoong.

Hongjoong locked eyes with Yeosang, a look that spoke a thousand words but most of all a look that said to him "we need to talk"

Pulling Yeosang from the kitchen and away from the others hongjoong brings his arms up to his chest. "What have you been telling Seonghwa?''

"What?''

"What have you been telling Seonghwa about the house yeosang?" hongjoong questions once more, at his serious tone Yeosang finds himself somewhat cowering before him.

"Not much, after all i don't really know much he gave me a tour earlier and i just told him about the stories that my grandfather would share with me about the place i didnt think it was such a big deal-" he shrugs

"Leave the story telling to your grandfather Yeo, there's a reason Seonghwa left this place, all the ghost stories, the things youve heard about the manor. Keep them to yourself or refrain from telling Hwa. the last thing we need is him running around here looking into things that will only hurt him." at hongjoongs words yeosang fell silent. He had never seen his friend this serious about the topic. To be honest though he knew he should have simply listened to what his best friend had been telling him, yet instead he found himself getting even more intrigued by his sudden change in demeanor.

The next morning each of the guys went their separate ways, Mingi found himself exploring the garden out back, Yunho and Jongho had gone out into the town to search for a job that actually interested them in the small old town. This meant that once again seonghwa had been left in his home alone. After unpacking the boy had grown bored and decided that he'd explore the rest of the house. It had been so long since he walked those halls and he couldnt seem to pull a single memory from anywhere in his head. As seonghwa made his way down the hallway his eyes had landed on a space beneath the stairwell, the wallpaper had been peeling and he could have sworn he could make out what looked to be a door. He drew closer and as he reached out his hand to brush across the wall he heard a faint whisper and then there was a knock at the door. He chalked it up to him simply hearing things and made his way up front to open it.  As he swung the door open there stood hongjoong with a smile on his face.

"Hello there mars~'' he greets him in a sing-song voice before pushing past him and into the house.

"Are you seriously back to calling me that again?'' Seonghwa groans at the use of his old nickname, one that Hongjoong had used to greet him ever since they were children.

"For as long as we know each other yes, I plan on using it for the rest of our lives.'' Hongjoong laughs as he made his way into the kitchen.

"Used grandmas recipe made bibimbap, kimbap, kimchi and tteokboki, figured you guys hadn't had time to grocery shop yet and since she didnt add the proportions to her recipe book i accidentally made enough for at least ten.'' he laughs as he places all of the food into the fridge.

"Thanks no matter the amount i'm more than sure Mingi, Yunho and Jongho will be grateful they could eat for days.'' he laughs as he rests his head on his palms.

"Hongjoong, was there any construction or something done to the house while I was away?'' Seonghwas question earns a confused glance from his old friend.

"Construction? No I don't think so why?''

"Well I was taking a look around the house and the staircase, it seems like someone blocked off something.'' hongjoong pressed his lips into a thin line, he was well aware of what hid behind the wall but he refused to tell Seonghwa, so he found himself struggling to come up with a lie, any sort of lie when the front door opened and in walked Jongho and Yunho. Hongjoong immediately sighed and thanked the gods.

"Ah Hongjoong you're here today.'' Yunho sang happily as he took a seat at the counter beside Seonghwa.

"Yes yes, I came to drop off some food how was the job search?'' Hongjoong avoided Seonghwas gaze knowing very well that he had been waiting for him to answer the question.

"Well I start my job at the daycare in a week and Jongho here will be working at the theater with Wooyoung and San." he cheerfully pinches Jonghos cheeks earning a glare from the latter.

"Well this calls for a celebration, yes? How about we go out tonight grab food and some drinks  at the old pub across the street from drearylane park?'' Hongjoongs suggestion got immediate yeses from both jongho and Yunho who nudged seonghwa to get excited for it as well. Seonghwa on the other hand had been too lost in his thoughts wondering why Hongjoong had avoided his question. Ever since seonghwa had arrived back there hongjoong seemed to be acting weird

Later that night when Seonghwa was finally able to gather his three routy roommates, Hongjoong gathered the other three and they all made their way into town. Along the way Hongjoong had been telling the guys the history of the town, the backstories behind the few buildings that were actually left in the town.

"Wait, so some fire took everything out? How come it didn't take out everything?'' Yunho asks, only getting a shoulder shrug from Hongjoong in response.

"That part I'm not sure of. Grandma only ever tells me bits and pieces since you know..she doesn't really remember much, there also isn't much about the fire or what caused it in the town library files." the others nodded in understanding as they followed along

For the rest of the night the eight of them stuffed their faces and drunk until every word they said was barely audible, well everyone except Seonghwa that was. He kept thinking about the door and the house, something about being there bothered him. Why couldn't he remember a single detail? He remembered crying his eyes out as a child when his mother told him he wouldn't be going back to grandmas but he couldnt for the life of him even remember any memories of having been ther with her. Standing up from his seat Seonghwa slipped away from the group of guys that were now drunkenly yelling at one another over a game of mafia. As soon as he stepped outside he took in a deep breath before taking in the old town, his eyes then landed on the old park and to his surprise a little girl stood there staring back at him.

"Are you lost..? Why are you out here all alone?'' he asked? Worry laced in his tone as he looked around in search for the little girl's parents.

No answer.

"Where are your parents?'' he further questioned, once again being met with silence.

"Who are you talking to?" Yeosangs voice startled him, pulling his attention away from the little girl only momentarily.

"Um i was asking her where her parents were.'' Seonghwa responds, earning a confused glance from Yeosang.

"Who?'' As Seonghwa turned and raised his hand to point into the direction of the girl his eyebrows knit together as he too now grew confused. The girl had been standing right there and it was as if she had just vanished.

"You know what nevermind, did you need something?'' he turns back to yeosang who only shrugs his shoulders at the mans odd behavior.

"Well mafia got out of hand and Wooyoung bit Jongho and now he's chasing him around the pub like a maniac and Mingi is chasing jongho trying to get him to sit down.'' At his words Seonghwa sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Why is it always those two.'' He follows Yeosang into the pub taking one last look back in the area in which the girl once stood.

Their night out ended with them all walking back to seonghwas place, wooyoung with a pout on his face having been turned into a human punching bag by Jongho and Jongho with a smug grin on his after having gotten Woo back for biting him. They each disappeared into their rooms San and Wooyoung sharing one of the guest rooms and Yeosang and hongjoong having their own rooms, unbeknown to them this would be a rough night for each of them.

This was part of the reason Hongjoong hadn't slept in that house and barely stepped foot into it since Seonghwa had left. The night terrors, the nightmares that all seemed to come flooding back due to just one simple visit to the house.

As Hongjoong walked along the garden he could hear faint whispers from the woods behind him. Unwillingly his body moved towards the whispers and they grew louder and louder as he began to close the distance. A familiar black cat circled his feet as if forbidding him from moving any further but he continued on. He found himself looking back at an old memory one hat he thought the pills had helped bury deep.

He and aYoung seonghwa stood shouting and screaming as the woman in black held Seonghwa by his neck, her slick fingers squeezing tight enough to draw blood. Hongjoong bit her ankle making her hiss and drop Seonghwa to the ground before reaching out for hongjoong. It was then that Seonghwa raised the medallion and a loud screech emitted from the woman before she disappeared. It was then that Hongjoongs eyes locked with his younger self and he woke up in a pool of sweat

He found himself quietly making his way down the hall to grab some water from the kitchen, now finding it hard to get himself to sleep again. To his surprise he found Seonghwa sitting at the window with a cup of tea in his hand.

"I guess you couldn't sleep either?'' Hongjoong chuckles and makes his way over to the fridge pouring himself a glass of water.

"Not really haven't really been able to sleep since we got here.'' Seonghwa sighs and pulls his legs to his chest to make room for his friend to sit.

"There are so many details that just arent adding up in my head, so many things I feel like i'm missing being here.'' he sighs and Hongjoong immediately felt guilty he knew why but he vowed to his grandma coraline that if he ever returned he wouldn't speak a word.

"Hongjoong you know something, I'm sure of it. Ever since I came back you've been acting weird and ever since that day you pulled yeosang from the kitchen you've been even weirder. What is it you aren't telling me?'' hongjoong sighs, he couldnt help but grow slightly annoyed at his friends' persistence.

"Seonghwa there are some things just not meant to be remembered, whatever you think it is that you feel you should be remembering do yourself a favor and let it go. It'd be best that you just carry on as if there's nothing bothering you. You're better off not remembering.'' he stood from the bay window with his water in hand and made his way to the door.

"I'm going back to bed, you should try and get some rest." Honjoongs leaves the room with a sigh, leaving seonghwa alone to wallow in his silence.

After finishing his tea Seonghwa silently shuffles back to his room. He thought for sure that Hongjoong would give him something, even the tiniest of detail of what had happened back then but instead he told him nothing, and basically asked him to completely forget the thought of any past memory here.

Seonghwa closed his eyes and tried his best to fall back asleep, it felt like time had gone by so slowly until he naturally found his eyes fluttering shut and soon his entire body relaxed as he finally fell asleep.

[highathanamothafucka]

Hey hey. I’m gay gay. And we’re coming live to ya, tonite at 6:24 special. ( I lied. Itz actually 7:24, 24/7)

Imma tell y’all, i got top surgereh consult on decemba eighth. this is what ive been been waiting for, for forever. gettin top surgery is the thing ive wanted, literally from the day I learned i was gonna get boobs. course, i didnt realize that was a thing, i just knew that i did not want boobs, no matter what. i even had night mares about waking up one day with a huge pair of boobs. in those night mares, i felt so disgusted, horrified, and embarrassed that i just kinda decided to hide forever. I couldnt stand the thought of people seein me like that. when the nightmares became real, about 2 years later, when i was 10, i was in complete denial. I was just pretendin it wasnt happenin, so thats what i did. i didnt let them grow. i just said “chest im not gonna let you go on. You need to stop and just get rid of that bit you gave me.” And that did it! It stopped my boobs from growing! yeah, it didnt. but i sure as hell told myself it did. when my mom told me we need to go shopping for training bras, i pretend we didnt. We didnt go to walmart, we didnt look look at training bras, she didn’t go into the fitting room with me and see my chest while i tried them on. We didnt take some training bras up front and buy them. And we didnt go home with them and put them in my room. none of that happened, or so i said. but denial doesn’t work like that. it doesnt make happen, whatever you think should happen. what it does is convince you that what is actually happening, isnt actually happening. so i didnt wear those dumb training bras that summer. i felt gross, and subconsciously knew i should have been wearing them. but i didnt wear them, because i couldnt admit that what was happening was real.

once 5th grade started, i started wearing the training bras. i didnt have enough denial to overcome the embarrassment of my peers seeing me with out a bra. and it felt more uncomfortable than anything has ever felt for me before. but it made those horrid growing boobs seem smaller, by rounding them out, instead of them being a bit pokier.

And there wasn’t anything else I could have done. I continued wear bras, because as long as I got the right bras, the ones that lightly compressed or just kinda loosely held them so they moved around less instead of the ones that push up or have underwire, then it made them smaller than without one. I was so embarrassed that i would even wear them to bed so no one saw me with out a bra on underneath my shirt. I’d usually take in off once i was alone in my room, in my bed, in the dark. and every day, right after my mom woke me up, that was the first thing i put on. eventually, i stopped wearing them to bed. the discomfort i felt from wearing bras was too much.

when i learned what binders are, i did try wearing them. unfortunately, with my asthma, i could barely wear them. it sadly made it too hard for me to breathe. despite that, over the years i still tried a bunch of different binders. ive bought at least 25 different binders in only 2 years.

but back when I learned what binders were, i learned about being trans. thats when i knew, deep down, that something was wrong. despite that, it took me many more years to actually figure out that im trans. 

but to make a long story short, i figured things out, and now I’ve got my consult in only 4 days. Its what ive always wanted. And before i know it, it will have happened. And I can’t fucking wait!

[kloudsreads]

Past dream recall

Hey yall!

I started the last post at the begining of my falling apart journal, a cringy dream that led to my gay heart.

Anyway, this post will be about past dreams I remember.

1 dream was repeated, when I was younger I was really into Slenderman. In some weird sense he was a father figure? IDK, I was really into the proxies and the idea of some messed up family in the woods that made a living killing bad people. I was one of THOSE people, I know. But things started to take a turn in Senior year of high school. I really started questioning Religion and I was, at the time, writing daily logs to "Mr.X", mostly as a way to express myself.

I always had the weird feeling of the christian God being some dark spirit that demanded attention. Feeding off the church, and very prevalent in my home. I felt the anger when I started separating myself. My mental state would get better and all, but its like there was something grabbing at me. There was something wrong in that house.

Now, I had a dream back then with good ol slendy.

The first one I was running. The forest around us, I was running from something. This was the first dream where I felt hunted, I turned a corner and hid in a tree, where I see men hung in trees with their intestines within the branches. Slender picking them out, masky aiding him.

Then they looked at me.

Then a second dream, there was a rustic old building, a castle of sorts. I was again being hunted, hiding, running. The breath in my chest stung as I simply was not fast enough.

It was a church. Next thing I knew I see him on the alter, waiting for me. I couldn't go back or run or hide anymore. There stood a being I once saw as family, as a father. My brothers, the proxies, standing by him. He demanded attention, and for me to come closer. This was the first dream where I saw Slenderman, at this point a foreign demon, on the same wavelength of God, of Jesus.

I would keep having this dream, over and over, each time I would get caught and torn open, caught and made to obey.

Slenderman was supposed to be some funny little internet boogyman. A fangirls dream, something to cringe at. But during these dreams...

This leads me to another one. I was in college at the time and working at a summer camp. Odd dream, I was in a camp (but not mine), a large building in the middle. I was getting along with people and a girl with curly brown hair. We looked out into the forest. And they all didnt have faces.

I dont mean it in a way of "I woke up and forgot", no, they all just didnt have them. I couldnt know them in this sense, I couldnt tell what anyone felt or said. It was like I was separated from normal people.

The girl with the curly hair returns in later dreams too.

The next time I saw her was in a bathroom. A large bathroom with showers that reached the sky. Blue and wide, dangerous. I guess the term now is a "backroom". The bathroom just kept going on and on. I told her not to go in.

These are important dreams I recall anyway, ones that started my questioning of religion at all. I had others when I was way younger about running away to find characters in the mountains or finding a new family.

I have a lot of dreams where I'm chased. and overall I tend to have an "I'm being watched" or "Something will go wrong any minute" mentality I'm trying to break.

[6loodlvstt]

Unfortunately I never heard of gul but I checked the plot and it’s interesting! I’ll definitely check it out when I have some free time. I don’t mind listening to summaries when I do other things. I enjoy to keep me busy reading/writing most of the time. Rn I’m trying to finish fear and hunger and I get angry every time I die lol. It’s so annoying but I love the vibes of that game. It was inspired by silent hill, berserk and amnesia. Sorry I info-dump a bit too much lol.

I’m glad you had a nice day! How was shopping? I also went out. Well I go out all days but I went to my fav bookstore and fetched a new book so I’m extra happy. And I love hades, I started it some weeks ago. Mythology is such an interesting world and I’m up for it.

I like to draw in my free time but it’s exhausting to work for game class projects. I can’t wait to finish off all this and focus on other projects. Piano is just a tool for be able to write lyrics in the future, or whatever I want. I get easily distracted when I play it but I’m confident that at some point my technique will improve.

The movie came out on February, from what I saw it wasn’t really popular but 100% recommended if you like 80s vibes. It’s an absurdist gothic horror..? Somewhere in the between. Heathers it’s a chef’s kiss. Probably one of my favs too. This reminded me of Little sister (2016), I seriously need watch it. It’s been on my watchlist since forever but I keep forgetting about it. I’m so forgetful.

Also sorry if I replied just now but at the end I decided to go to sleep at 3 am, my head was hurting -🩹

gul is super cool and not a lot of people actually know about it since it was basically lost media for a long long time

i dont sither! i normally play games while i listen yo things or while im working ill turn on some video essays and just listen to that while i work when music gets to be too much ^^

ough i heard fear and hunger was hard, rn im trying to beat dead space again and its not going well for me either lol

shopping was fine me and my mom just went and got groceries and that was it ^^ id love to go to a bookstore again theyre so fun to look around in

ive got like 300 hours in hades all together atp and its been a blast i love it very much and i could never get tired of it, plus greek mythologys always been a super big interest of mine! i love all of it so much and its so fascinating to learn

i used to draw a lot when i was in school since i always sucked at education, being dyslexic and autistic and having adhd really all just pilied and piled on to it so drawing was a giod escape and made me look like i was working on whatever they gave me, and if it wasnt on paper than id just play on my phone to pass the time, i also just used to read manga durong class if i couldnt be on my phone

violin and guitar and really. any. of the instruments i know how to play were for that reason to, i wanted to be a musician for a long long time till my grandmother decided to be a dick to me and i never played anything again :(

ooo it sounds interesting, i think when i have the time to sit and watch something ill check it out :D

its okay i just woke up and its like 11am rn

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

New York

I woke up today and I was ok

Its sunday and I didnt want to get out of bed so i turned on the tv to put myself back to sleep

but then saw a movie, A rainy day in NY and thought of you and your NY

so i thought i'd watch it to see the scenes of NY that you see and maybe i will feel closer to you

forgetting that it also rained here today

somehow the movie is about a NY guy and a AZ girl, and I am an AZ girl and you and NY guy. why do things work this way.

that the morning i am thinking of you, to put on a movie about your city and the characters are from our regions, makes me want to believe its a sign for us but i know it's not.

no movie or coincidence can change how you see me.

2 weeks ago from tomorrow we started talking

i fell in love with you in about 3 days, yes I know it's a toxic attachment but I dont care, you are just so sweet

you stole my heart like D did and you broke it like D did but I dont want to forget you

you talked to me during a time that my world was so grey after richard.

it was such good company i did not know i missed.

and i guess i accepted it even if it hurts because it takes away the fact that richard is not the last person i had serious feelings for.

and lets me know i can still have these feelings and fall for someone so hard still even after I told myself i had sworn off relationships

you revived something in me i thought i no longer had

you flirted with me and got me to like you and when i started liking you then you told me you were already involved w someone else

at first it hurt and it was disppointing and i felt like i screwed it up for myself again by showing interest too easily and too quickly, and i might be right. maybe i ended the chase for you and i know some people need that for the passion

and i'm sorry but when you messaged me i had to fast reply bc i didnt want you to think i was not interested and i also did not want u to have to wait.

but maybe that is my downfall, caring too much as usual.

even after many heartbreaks i still have not learned my lesson and was so quick to give in to you but you made it feel so good and at my age i am shocked you could still make me feel this way. so in a sense you made me feel young again

but it doesnt matter bc you do not like me like you made me think you like me

but i still like you, we have history, I want to always be your friend and hopefully be some part of your life, even if small

when you told me about her i thought you would leave but you didnt, but then i tried to leave and you told me you didnt want me to disappear bc you didnt disappear on me and you're right

in a way you fought for me and idk why, i want to think theres a part of you that wants me, but if you do, you probably dont want me the same way i want you.

i write this bc i am ok now

before i was not

in the first week i was emotional and confused

over the first weekend i was disappointed by the low amount of contact

by the 2nd week i became accepting

now in the 2nd weekend i am almost back to the state i was before you took me.

except now i am calm and at peace and accepting but with fragments of you

i still crave you but i know very well what this is, it's out of my control and in your hands and i can only set boundaries and set limits and distance myself when i need balancing.

i dont think we will ever be anything

but in my coming down stages i asked myself if i really want to experience you and you experience me

all of my relationships have ended badly and with very bad words and criticisms exchanged, do i really want to learn to hate you like i hate them

we played trials together 8 years ago and were part of the same clan. if we ruin our friendship then it's like all those memories go to waste or disappear

you grew up to be such a smart and aware young man that even i couldnt even resist

my idea of you for many years was the young boy that was chasing the wrong girl that he talked to me about back then and years later was still hung up over her

when i thought of obssessive people for the wrong people, you were one of them that was used as an example

but when we reconnected and the stories you shared it was like we had seen the same struggles, heartbreak, realization and healing and i made myself believe that you were right for me, that you were who i have been looking for and who would finally come to sweep me and make me whole.

as much as you leave me wanting you, craving you and being curious about you, i know my wanting for you is about me and my need to attach. you just turned on that switch for me and it was exhilarating i have no regrets

like the song in the story of kunning palace,

"my heart is broken but i do not regret loving you"

and also

"traveled so far but i still can't forget you"

I just want to run to NY and stand in times square and hope to find your face among millions and dream that when you see me that something will awaken in you that will make you say "shes the one i want" but i know this is my dream

but i no longer expect anything from you, to expect from you would only be torture for me when they go unsatisfied like seeing you online but you dont invite me to play and i'm just waiting

but also richard waits for me to join him and i dont and he sees me online

so we all hurt and yearn for someone's attention in some way and this dating world is cruel.

but since you care about our friend ship it has made me feel better

i am happy you did not ghost me and have been honest with me

i can sleep again, i can be happy again in my world and it is no longer being pushed under the weight of passion, love, confusion, anticipation, longing and hoping.

i thank you for making the decision for us to not ruin our relationship

so today as i write this, i am ok.

[sims2wildrotations]

Grunt family, Rotation 1 (Spring)

onto the grunts! i wonder what they'll find. sorry for the late upload, this took forever.

its early monday morning when the yapping of a dog wakes the grunt family. General Buzz presumes its one of the strays rummaging through the trash again, so he storms out to shoo it away. It wasn't a theiving stray, though, it was a small black dog yapping mentally over an unconscious man- no, not man, boy. older than his own son, but significantly younger than the general. he approached and gave the stranger a look over, only to bear witness to the myriad of scars covering his body, one even cutting through his hair. the boy was even missing a finger on one hand, and the other hand was curled in an unnaturally stiff fashion for someone who was unconscious. that wasn't even covering the scorched clothes and arms so thin he could almost see where the bones were. Without hesitation, he called Tank over and got him to help carry the stranger inside.

but, a stranger wouldn't stop their daily routine, so buzz and tank went through their morning obstacle course as ripp was put in charge of watching over the boy. Buck, on the other hand, was busy playing with the dog and seeing what tricks it knew. turns out, the little dog was very protective of its apparent owner.

the stranger hadn't awoken by the time breakfast was made, and they didn't try wake him, so buzz put some in the fridge in case he woke up before dinner. seeing the boy's face now, he noticed the scars across his nose and jaw, too clean and precise to be from an accident. he had a very bad feeling about this, but he wasn't one to break regime, so he kept his boys on track as he waited. he had the day off anyway.

unfortunately, he couldnt keep his attention on the boy, as while buck and the dog were playing outside, a sudden strike of lightning- in a perfectly blue, unclouded sky- struck the tree and almost struck buck. he raced outside the moment he heard his boy scream, followed on his heels by tank and, surprisingly, ripp. In a cloud of spray, the fire was extinguished, by Tank. Buzz praised him for his quick reaction, and checked Buck over for injuries. thankfully, nobody was hurt, though the little dog was shaking out of its fur. He ordered the two to play inside for the rest of the day, while he investigated the mystery lightning. He knew Tank and Ripp would be heading to work soon, so he didn't give them any orders, instead stomping up his watch tower and using his alien-proofed telescope to scan the skies for the spaceship that must've caused it. were they trying to abduct buck? they better had not.

as he watched ripp and tank safely get into their respective work cars, he saw buck waving him over from the ground, and he hurried down. the stranger woke up, buck told him, and wasn't well at all. in fact, he had scrambled into buzz's room and barricaded the door. which, in buzz's opinion, wasn't the worst reaction he'd seen from someone as scarred as the stranger. he'd seen soldiers knock people out from instinct when waking up in medical tents or barracks. he told buck to go play in his room, and investigated. he approached the situation in the manner he did when his ex-soldiers were triggered into flashbacks, carefully and calmly. despite everyone's beliefs, buzz was in fact capable of calmness. he spoke through the door, explaining how he found him face down in the sand with a dog. the boy only answered with one word, 'dog?', and buzz told him the dog was with him and didn't seem hurt. he didn't bring up the lightning. it took a while to get the boy out of his room, but eventually, buzz heard the barricade be moved, and the door creaked open, just slightly. through the gap, the boy asked, still in few words, who he was. he gave his name and title, and asked the same. the boy paused, and answered very quietly, 'nervous subject'

that. wasnt a name. in seconds, buzz realised why he was so scarred. he wasn't a soldier, not even a regular abuse victim, he was a test subject. though, the question he had was, for humans or for aliens? the boy seemed human, he didn't have the unblinking effect the smiths had, in fact, he was blinking with too much frequency, as if his eyes hurt. buzz didn't want to call him by a subject name, but he didn't have anything else to call him, but before he could speak, nervous asked if he could have his dog back. well, he actually just pointed to the dog and said 'give', but buzz got the message. he could appreciate the bluntness. buzz stepped aside and let the dog squeeze through the gap. unfortunately, though, the door closed soon after. he was awake and alive, at least. he'd probably be hungry, though, so buzz took the breakfast leftovers and left them at the door, and something he was pretty sure was edible for the dog. he never owned a dog, never liked them outside of the sniffers and attack dogs the military had. he'd have to get some food for it soon, though.

he spent the rest of the afternoon as he usually did, working out, but when he came down to check on the boy, he found the empty plate sitting outside of the door. well, at least he ate it. buzz figured he wasn't sleeping in his own bed tonight, but he was in the army, he'd slept in worse places than the couch. he'd rather take the couch than trying to force the scared boy out of the room and risking him getting violent, or running away. there were too many damn aliens in this place to risk it, that and they were in the middle of a desert in the quite literal road to nowhere, he'd drop dead from the heat before he got anywhere near the next town.

when ripp and tank returned home that evening, buzz had to give a rather stern telling off to ripp, who had ignored a customer at work and got his pay docked for it. this, as usual, didn't have much of an effect past making both of them angrier, but when he heard Nervous barricading the door again, he ended the conversation and instead began preparing dinner, as Buck started firing off questions about their locked-in discovery. Buzz explained, with no sugarcoating, the situation, and couldn't stop Buck from running over to the bedroom door and trying to talk to Nervous through it. he shared a look with Tank that got the boy to keep an eye on his brother while Buzz cooked. Once dinner was served, Buck took a plate of it and left it outside of Nervous' door. For once, Ripp actually sat with the rest of them as they discussed the newcomer. Buck, the kind boy he was, wanted to befriend him, while Tank was cautious, obviously concerned, but suggesting that whoever had Nervous captive before might come find him. Ripp didn't say much, but he didn't argue, so they collectively took it as agreement. Buzz assured them that if anyone tried to take Nervous anywhere, he'd deal with them. Especially the Smiths. With that agreed upon, they all went to bed.

Buzz woke up in the middle of the night, and did his usual routine of checking in on his boys. As he came back down the stairs, though, he found Nervous standing in the kitchen, arms full of (Ripp's) crisps, and looking petrified. Buzz quickly did a once over of the situation before him, the boy was hungry, but didn't trust them enough to ask. that was expected. however, he was familiar enough with house layouts to find and steal from the kitchen. now, he had the face of someone who thought they were about to be killed. he had probably had to steal food from whoever had him before, and had been punished for it, he probably had a restricted diet they controlled. no wonder he was so thin. With this information, Buzz did not approach, nor take the food from him. he asked if he was hungry, getting a nod, and offered him cereal. Nervous blinked at him, as if he didn't know what he was on about. Did he not know what cereal was? Buzz did not ask, instead moving around him, avoiding any sort of contact, as he made him a bowl of cereal, and asked him to put the crisps down. Nervous kind of eyed the bowl, then looked at Buzz and, without looking away from him, gently put the crisps onto the counter, took the bowl, and backed away until he was out of buzz' sight, and heard the door close.

Hopefully, that was a start, but as Buzz tried to go back asleep, he couldn't help remember the glazed-over fear in the boy's eyes, he'd seen that too many times in soldiers. that wasn't just a fear reaction, that was a flashback waiting to happen. seemingly, he hadn't set him off, though, so it gave him some comfort. not much, but some.

the next day, he didn't see much of Nervous, but the dog had been released from the room at some point in the night, so they fed him that morning before they went to school and work respectively. Buzz knew leaving him on his own might not go well, but he wanted to see what he would do when left to his own devices. He had security cameras nearly everywhere in and out of his house anyway, so anyone coming or going would be picked up on it. meanwhile, with Nervous, he heard everyone leave close together, but he didn't know their schedule, so he had no clue when they'd be back. he didn't like that, he felt like he had even less control here than he did at the Beakers. maybe he should go back, maybe outside of the lab was even more dangerous than they were, maybe- after half an hour of a panic attack, Nervous found one of the phones and called Pascal, who was worried sick about him. he told him how he'd escaped, but now some strange family had him. He was confused when Pascal's immediate question was 'were they green' and Nervous said they wore a lot of green, and one of them had green streaks on his face. This must have been the wrong answer, as Pascal seemed to panic. He asked question after question about if he was okay, had they hurt him, had they yelled at him, but Nervous, confused and starting to panic over Pascal's panic, said they hadn't touched him, they'd fed him more than once, and he heard yelling but it wasn't at him. He said he didn't feel well, but he recalled that he had probably been injured by the broken machine in the lab before he ran. Pascal told him to stay put and he'd come over when they got home. Nervous told him not to get hurt. For the rest of the day, Nervous didn't leave the house, but did look around at all the rooms. there were four beds, which seemed to track with the four voices he had distinguished from behind the door. There was the oldest one, he didn't seem far off Loki's age, he didn't seem outwardly dangerous but he was the one who was yelling, so he didn't trust him. There were two others, they seemed younger than Nervous, but he hadn't seem them yet, so he didn't trust them either, and then there was the youngest one, or at least he sounded the youngest. He sounded quite small, based on where his voice came through the door from, and he was quite nice. He told him last night that his dog was very cute and he hoped they could be friends, and that he had brought him dinner. It was good food, not the half-rotted stuff the Beakers gave him, or the stale crisps he took from the fridge. It was good, and Nervous only woke up once in the night, hungry. Usually it was more than that. The youngest one reminded him a bit of Pascal, so he decided to trust the boy, at least a little more than the other three. He wouldn't risk sticking his neck out too far, though. After that, he didn't do much. didn't have much to do, except wait for them to return. It didn't take long, as three of them showed up far earlier than Loki and Circe ever did, and Nervous had to scramble to get back to the room before they stepped through the door. Worse yet, he heard more voices than yesterday. Had they been working overnight like Circe? he didn't see anywhere anyone else could sleep in, but he didn't know the layout well, he couldn't be certain. he barricaded the door again, just to be safe.

Fucking shit. Buzz had gotten demoted and sent home early for a satellite problem he hadn't had the space knowledge to fix quickly enough. On top of that, both of his teenaged sons had brought someone back from school, and he still had Nervous to deal with. He prayed the boy had behaved while they were gone. He half expected something to be broken when he stepped into the house, but instead, he found it almost the exact same. Almost, things had been visibly touched and put back down, but nothing broken, nothing stolen, his prayers had been answered. He was, quite frankly, exhausted, and his son had a friend over, so he didn't run him through the course, instead sitting up in his watch tower to observe and wait until Buck came back. Maybe his son's more socialable attitude could coax Nervous out of his room. He'd really like some proper sleep. Once Buck did come home- with an A+ and no friend trailing behind him- Buzz sent him over to negotiate with the anxious man currently holding his room basically hostage. As he did that, Buzz started on dinner, and definitely didn't nearly set anything on fire.

Thankfully, the friends left just before dinner was finished, so he didn't have to cook for more people. good, he had only cooked for the five of them, anyway. Much to his shock, though, he found Nervous sitting on the far side of the second table, away from where the rest of them sat. He didn't react, though, and simply placed his plate down and continued. He watched from his peripheral as Nervous slowly ate, as if it was poisoned, and then scarf it down after a second of some kind of realisation. He recongised that hurry, that was the hurry of a starved man who knew it would be taken away. He mulled over the best way to try talk to him, when Buck beat him to it and introduced them all to him. Nervous looked over each of them with caution, and it was only then did Buzz notice the twitching in his hands, and the…oddness he generally gave off. For a moment, he considered if he was an alien, but he'd been watching him through the cameras all day and he hadn't transformed into anything else, hadn't adjusted himself the way the aliens did when they had something wrong with their disguise, he was, as far as Buzz could tell, human. weird, but human. He could tolerate human weirdness more than alien existence, and while he wanted to tell him to stop being weird, he knew that would scare him off, so he tightened his jaw and kept quiet, letting his socialable son take the lead. Slowly, Ripp entered the conversation, and asked Nervous about the stuff he liked. Nervous only had three things he liked, apparently; dogs, stars, and writing. Buzz was almost surprised he could write, but he only shared a subtly surprised look with Tank, who returned it. The rest of the dinner went smoothly, though Nervous didn't stop looking cautious and afraid, he said a few sentences here and there, never starting any without being asked first. Then, at the end of the meal, he gestured for Buck to come over, and whispered something to him. Buck passed it onto Buzz, and asked if Nervous could have seconds. Buzz was uncomfortable looking at how thin the boy was, so getting any food in him was good.

With a second plate given to Nervous, Ripp vanished off to his room, while Buzz took Tank to do a night run of the course. Buck should, technically, be asleep, but Nervous hadn't fleed to the room immediately, so Buck was keeping him distracted for now. that night, Buzz successfully slept in his own room, while Nervous took the couch. Nervous also didn't get up that night when Buzz checked over his boys, so he considered it a success. Hopefully, he could get some answers out of the boy in the morning.

That morning, Nervous ate with them again, sitting a chair closer, but still on the other table. He and Tank talked this time, in the few-words-at-a-time way that seemed to just be how Nervous talked. Buzz didn't like the name, but he supposed Nervous was an accurate name, at least. The four of them told him goodbye when they left, this time, and Buzz told him he and Buck would be back by 3, and the teenagers would be back by 1. Nervous seemed to understand this, so Buzz filed 'concept of time' under things the boy understood. He did wonder, briefly as he left for work, if Nervous had ever come across a military time clock before.

As soon as the Grunts, which was what Buck had said their last name was, left, he called Pascal. his friend hadn't appeared yesterday, and he was worried. Pascal apologised before Nervous could even say anything, and explained how he saw they had company round, and didn't think it was safe enough. He promised to show up this time. Nervous wasn't angry, he had also hid at the sight of the people through the window, and Pascal had the pregnancy to worry about. He didn't know much about pregnancy, but he couldn't imagine getting hurt was good for it. He was still untrusting with the Grunts, not afraid, but not trusting of them either. Buck seemed good, Ripp was okay, Tank seemed nice but they hadn't talked much, and Buzz….scared him. He was nearly the same height as Nervous- a feat, considering he was somewhere over 6 foot, according to Circe, and was far stronger looking than him. Thankfully, Pascal held true to his word, and showed up just as Buzz and Buck came back, and just after Tank and Ripp left again. What he didn't realise, however, was that Pascal was not fond of the Grunts, and the Grunts were not fond of him.

When Buzz arrived home, he saw Pascal Curious waiting at the door. What the fuck did he want? He may have been the Curious that Buzz disliked the least, but it didn't mean he could show up on his doorstep unannounced. Admittedly, Buzz wasn't in a great mood when he asked Pascal why he was here, and came off less 'your on my property unauthorisied' and more 'get the fuck off my property' Pascal, in an act of unusual bravery, told him to shut the fuck up. That stunned Buzz into silence, as Pascal told him he was here for Nervous. Buzz was quickly snapped out of his silence and told Pascal that if he and alien spawn ever touched Nervous, it'd be him they'd answer to. This escalated into an argument, one that continued until Nervous threw the door open and shoved Buzz directly off of the porch and down its (thankfully three) stairs. He wasn't hurt, but only at that moment did he actually take in the fact Nervous was taller than him, and by more than an inch. From the bottom of the stairs, his shadow casted over him in the evening light, Nervous looked almost dangerous. Almost. the tremble in his hands and the masked fear in his eyes told him otherwise, not to mention the way Nervous stumbled back when Buzz got up. What really concerned him was when Nervous, clearly thinking he would be punished, did not try to ask for mercy, or beg, or anything of the sort, but instead apologised in a voice so quiet Buzz barely picked it up, and seemingly tried to fold in on himself to make himself smaller.

Pascal got inbetween them, and told Buzz to let him go. Buzz told him to get away from Nervous. The tension was palpable until Buck ran over and told them, with a sternness Buzz was proud of, to stop fighting. Buck asked Pascal why he was here, and Pascal said Nervous called him. Pascal asks why they have Nervous, and Buck says his brother and father found him outside and brought him in. Nobody seemed to notice Nervous having a panic attack until Pascal suddenly turned around and started talking him down from it. After Nervous was calmer, the four of them sat at the table, Buck and Buzz on one side and Nervous and Pascal on the other, and got both sides of the situation. Pascal did not explain Nervous' past, but considering how shaky the tortured boy was getting, Buzz didn't fancy pushing him past his limit. Eventually, they came to an agreement. It was made very clear that the Grunts still didn't like the Curiouses, but that Pascal can visit whenever he wants, and Nervous can leave at any time.

As the agreements wrapped up, Tank and Ripp arrived home, and Ripp had brought a friend with him. Wonderful, another thing for Buzz to deal with. Nervous vanished off to talk to Pascal, so Buzz went to call Tank over for a training session, when Ripp stopped him. He introduced the guy with him as Avri Bruenig, his boyfriend. Wait, what. Ripp shrank back at his father's expression, and wondered if he had misread his father. shit. shitshitshit- Buzz, on the other hand, was running through his entire life experience, wondering where he had missed the fact his son was gay. he had raised him as a good, proper military boy, but no, he had to go and get into the wrong crowd, and now this But he stopped, when he saw Ripp start to back away, as if Buzz was going to hit him. Of course he wouldn't, he had never raised a hand to his children and he never intended to, so why would-

oh. he made him think he would.

From over Ripp's shoulder, he could see Tank tensed up, as if ready to get inbetween them. He could see Pascal and Nervous through the window, watching in fear. shit. had he really gave them that impression? after far, far too long of a pause, Buzz held a hand out to Avri. Avri took it, and everyone visibly relaxed, some more than others. Once everyone was inside, it was clear neither Avri nor Pascal were leaving for the night, so Buzz cooked dinner for the lot of them, and did his best to start conversation. with Avri, at least, he still wasn't a fan of the Curiouses.

the next morning, avri and pascal stayed for breakfast before leaving, and the grunts followed soon after, leaving Nervous on his own again. this time, he felt safer, and cautiously explored the outside of the house. he stayed very far away from the large, scary tower and investigated the odd obstacle thing in the backyard. then, he found these weird colorful things, and figured out you sat on them and they moved. he didnt figure out much of its purpose past that, but he liked the gentle swaying it caused, so he sat there for a while. then, he spent the rest of the day playing fetch with the dog, who still hadn't been named. Scout, Tank suggested as he left for work. Scout. that sounded good. He didn't know what a Scout was, but he also didnt know what a Tank was, so he presumed it was a good name.

When the Grunts got back, Nervous discovered what a birthday was. It was, as implied, the day of someone's birth. Nervous presumed birth was the end of pregnant, but nobody clarified this to him, so he was mildly confused the whole time as the Grunts celebrated Buck's birthday, which was important. for some reason. he didnt know why. At dinner, Ripp told his father he was going to go to college. this was actually a concept Nervous had heard of, he'd overheard Loki and Circe talk about their 'degrees' they got at 'college', which related to their lab. As far as Nervous knew, college had to do with labs, but he didnt know if Ripp knew that, so he just…watched him cautiously throughout the dinner.

Buzz was almost certain Nervous didnt know what college was, as the moment Ripp announced it (which Buzz was glad he had some idea of a future), Nervous started glaring at him. Buck leaned over in his chair and whispered an explanation to Nervous, which calmed him down somewhat, but not much. At least he didn't run. Surprisingly, though, Nervous asked an unprompted question, he asked if everyone has parents. They told him yes, and Nervous asked how many. They said two. Nervous then asked where their second was, and-

their dad locked up immediately. The boys had varying reactions to the question, Tank tensed and went quiet, Ripp turned away from him entirely, and Buck hunched over in discomfort, but took the reigns with the question and, very carefully worded, explained that their mom wasn't around anymore. Nervous asked where she went, and Buck said he doesnt know. Nervous goes quiet and thoughtful for a minute, before saying he doesn't think he had any. Buck asked what he meant, and Nervous said that 'they' had told him he was made in a test tube, but they had also told him he was made by someone else. Buck asks who 'they' are, and Nervous goes quiet. Tank breaks the tense silence by declaring he was going to bed, quickly followed by Ripp, who said he should get working on the applications. Nervous and their father said nothing as they left. Buck trailed off upstairs quietly, and called up the one friend his father didn't know he had; Jill Smith. he liked Jill.

Meanwhile, Buzz laid in bed, wide awake, recalling the moment his wife left over, and over, and over. his thoughts flitted about all night, from lyla, to what nervous might have been subjected to, to trying to pinpoint the moment he made his sons think he would hurt them. he even considered Pascal, and how he knew of Nervous in the first place. He had many questions, but after that dinner, he didnt think any of them were ready to talk. Who was he kidding, none of them were ever ready to talk. If he had been, Lyla wouldn't have left.

They were so not-ready to talk that Ripp took his stuff and vanished in the night, in a cab on the way to simstate university. He had left a note, he didn't want his brothers to worry, but he didn't care if he worried his father anymore. And as soon as he got to college, he'd be quitting his stupid fucking job and getting away from his controlling ass father. Yeah, he didn't batter him over his boyfriend, fuckin woo, but that wasn't enough to make up for the years of sternness and trying to force him into a life path he didn't fucking want. and, to top it off, he was getting rid of his stupid fucking name. Ripp Grunt was no more. Rowan left the Grunt household, followed by his boyfriend.

That morning, the Grunt boys (and Nervous) awoke to a panicked, furious Buzz, who started furiously questioning where he went wrong the moment the three of them came downstairs. Nervous shrunk back from him, but Tank took initiative and asked what happened. Buzz shows him the note, and demands to know why he wouldnt tell him. After reading Ripp's note, and seeing how brave his brother was, he decides to be a good future general, and tell it straight. he stops his father from his pacing, and unloads onto him everything. how he always wanted to impress him but nothing he did ever seemed good enough, how he always went at Ripp for not living up to what he wanted, but Tank's tried so hard for his whole to live up to the expectations that Buzz had for him and his brother but it never seemed t work and- and Buzz hugged him.

He had no idea how he had been so stupid. How he had missed it all this time. Buzz apologises for all of it, and tells him he never wanted to hurt his sons, he wanted them to live good, stable lives and he thought if they were all army they'd have something to work towards. He never realised, never noticed, it wasn't what they wanted. Tank tells him he does want to be military, but he wants to do other things too. Buck steps in and admits he doesn't want to be in the army either, he wants to be a musician, and he wants to befriend the Smiths. Buzz almost gets angry, but Tank admits he wouldn't mind getting to know them as well. Buck asks why he even hates aliens that much, and Buzz tells him their unnatural, their weird, and Buck asks if he hates Nervous too, then. cuz Nervous is weird, theres no denying it. Buzz stops and looks over at Nervous, whos hiding behind the stair railings. He says no. Buck tells him to give the smiths a chance, and the curiouses. He admits to being friends with Jill, and tells him she and her dad are nice, that he's met Polly and he isn't that bad. Buzz seems begruding, but says he'll try. Tank suggests having a barbecue and inviting them over. Buck agrees with this idea.

Buzz gives in and agrees, still not comfortable with the concept of mingling with aliens, but if not doing so hurt his sons, he'd do it. First, though, he wanted to get Nervous actually moved in. It didn't take long, as Ripp's unfortunate leaving left a room empty, but Buzz ordered a new bed to be delivered, in case Ripp ever wanted to return. later that day, they celebrated Tank's birthday, after he got promoted at his job.

the next day went well, they agreed to have the party on saturday, tank continued his course training, buzz contemplated many things, and nervous got back to writing in his diary. it was a new diary, he had left the old one behind, but now it was good memories. Buzz even got Buck a violin for his music ambitions. While Buzz and Buck were away, Tank had the day off, and called round his crush, Laura Monif. 'Crush' quickly became 'Girlfriend', and Buzz met her once he got back. Unfortunately, Laura wasn't fond of him, but with the newfound information Buzz had gotten, he couldn't blame her. Buck, meanwhile, got a job at a record shop, one step closer to his dream of being a musician. That evening, as everyone was heading to their beds, Nervous pulled Tank aside and asked what counted as a father. Tank told him as best he knew. When Nervous and Buck went up the stairs, Buck said 'goodnight, dad', and Nervous repeated it.

Buzz froze from where he was cleaning the dishes. Nervous had called him dad. He didn't know how to feel about that, he had just lost one son from his bad parenting, but now, he seems to have gained another. Had he really treated Nervous better than his own blood? He never thought he was ever that bad to them, so, before Tank followed his brother(s?), Buzz stopped him, and asked as much, if he had been a bad father. Tank hesitated, and, as if worried he'd anger Buzz, admitted that he 'sometimes acted the way he said grandfather had'. Buzz left for his bed without a word, and Tank hesitated on staying up, instead deciding to do some night laps of the course. Buzz laid in bed, recalling his own childhood, and his own father. his father hadn't been good to his momma, he remembered the beatings he would get whenever he tried to protect her. or any time his father was angry, really, but it had always been his fault. before he learnt otherwise, he always tried to get his father to play when he came back from work, but obviously, the hard-working general never wanted to, and usually snapped at him to go away. He was, admittedly, a bit lonely when he was young, it was part of why he wanted more than one kid, so when he was off at work they'd have someone else to play with. but his father wasnt bad to him, sure, he got beaten, and had his fair share of verbal repremands, but his father was a general, a highly respected, overworked general at the height of a war. of course he got angry at him, Buzz hadn't exactly been a star child. His momma always said he had his father's brawn, but, looking back at it, he uncovered memories he had pushed away a long time ago, ones of him as a young boy wanting nothing more than to play with his father. of a teenage boy with his friends, learning how not to flinch at a hit. of a young man trailing after his father in his first military camp, desperate to prove himself. and he remembered lyla, the saving grace he had from his father, how often she'd help hide his bruises when they met up before school. At his father's funeral, dozens of soldiers had shown up for it, but Buzz hadn't. He had been stationed at the time, but there was something deep in his chest that didn't want him to go to it. His mother had outlived him, and he'd never seen her smile so brightly as she did after his father was gone. She had gotten very sick after Tank was born, but her smile didn't fade, especially not when she met her grandson. She had died before Tank could walk, and Buzz had taken time off to attend her funeral. he had shed tears at it. He hadn't for his father.

Would that be him? If he died at war, would Ripp attend his funeral? If Lyla hadn't left, would she smile brighter after his death? Is she smiling brighter now, wherever she had moved to? And was that General, the stubborn, stern man his father was, what his kids saw when they looked at him? god, he had fucked up. But now Ripp was gone, and Buzz had a scared, traumatised young man living under his roof, one that had already witnessed every horror a civillian could. He prayed he could fix things with Ripp, but until he knew how to get to him, he still had two- no, three sons living with him that he could fix things with, one he hadn't done anything wrong to yet. He wouldn't fuck it up this time.

The next morning, Buzz gave a genuine apology to his sons, and told Nervous he would be welcome to join the family. He didn't have to change his name, if he didn't want to, but he'd be part of the Grunts. Nervous didn't seem to grasp it for a minute, but when he did, he nodded. still cautious, but it was good. Tank and Buck accepted this with ease, but when Tank made a comment about not being the eldest anymore, he asked Nervous how old he was, and Nervous sort of just…shrugged.

Nervous didn't know his age, he only had estimations based on the Grunts, the Beakers, and Pascal. He was younger than Buzz, the Beakers, and Pascal, but older than Buck, and he was fairly sure older than Tank and Ripp. But he didn't really have anything specific to go off of. So, when asked about it, he shrugged and asked how old Tank was. 18, apparently. No, he was older than that. He very, very vaguely remembered hearing Circe mention it had been 'over 20 years' since she became a scientist, in the celebration of what he realised now was a promotion. So he was at least 20, but anything past that was beyond him. So he answered 20, he thinks. The Grunts- no, they clearly noticed the pause and calculation, but thankfully nobody tried to press on it- he wasn't up for remembering much more of the lab then he just had. Instead, Tank grinned and called him big brother. Huh. he was a big brother now. If he understood the stuff about 'family dynamics' he had picked up since coming here, he now had a dad and two- no, three brothers. Like Pascal did. Nervous smiled, Pascal would be really happy to hear about this.

As breakfast was wrapped up, Buck was selected to call the Smiths and Curiouses round for the barbacue. Unfortunately, the Curiouses couldn't come, as Pascal was apparently very sick, so it would just be the Smiths arriving. Buzz still wasn't a fan of this idea, but had realised he had learnt it from his father, and it wasn't actually a very good reason to hate an entire family for some 30 odd years. That didn't mean he was comfortable interacting with aliens, but he'd try. for his kids. To his surprise, all three of them actually showed up, which Buzz half thought they wouldn't show at all. Buzz instinctively tensed when he saw the aliens- no, when he saw Johnny and his father. But, with an encouraging look from Buck, he offered a handshake to Polly and- he accepted it. He expected an alien to feel more…scaly, but he didn't. really, really cold, but nothing awful. Buzz didn't have a damn clue how to begin fixing decades of resentment, but Polly was a father, so he asked the only thing he could of; he asked how the kids were. Polly was shockingly receptive to this, and they quickly got into conversation about their respective children, about Polly's wife Jenny, and mututal bragging about their sons' success in careers. Unfortunately, half the neighbourhood caught wind of the barbacue, and decided to show up unannounced. Buzz decided to let it happen, though he lost track of Polly when someone pulled him into a coversation.

Nervous, on the other hand, was, well, nervous. He had heard of aliens from Pascal, who must be getting close to that birth thing by now, but he'd never met one. He didnt' want to hide in his room this time, though. If Pascal was going to have one, he wanted to get used to them before the kid arrived. He wasn't afraid of them, he was actually kind of okay with them, but they were still new people he had no information on, so he hung about by doorways and corners, waiting for someone to talk to him. Thankfully, the seemingly older of the two aliens- the one Buzz had been talking to- started up a conversation with him as he came in from outside. He was nice, really nice. And he didn't give any weird looks or concerned expressions when he saw Nervous' twitching. He looked a bit concerned about the scars, but he'd gathered by then that scars like his weren't normally so big, or on anyone at all. He hoped not, he didn't like the idea of other people having Beakers in their lives.

As the barbacue continued, Buck was called out for his first shift at work, leaving Buzz, Tank, and Nervous to befriend the Smiths on their own. Buzz made some hotdogs on the grill he forgot he owned, and ate them over conversation with Nervous, Polly, and Johnny. They really weren't that bad, sure, they moved in unnerving ways sometimes, but so did Nervous, and Buzz had grown used to the twitching and blinking- or, in the Smiths' case, unblinking. He found out many things about Polly that day, he had picked earth in particular to retire to because he loved it so much, he was debating having one last child, he really hated ice cream sundaes, and his favourite game was american football. Buzz excused himself, and found the old pigskin that sat in his room, and came back to ask Polly if he'd like a match. Turns out, Polly is very competitive. and very good at catch. For an apparently elderly alien, he was scarily good. Tank and Johnny cheered them on from the sidelines. Speaking of Tank and Johnny, their meeting hadn't gone as well, with some yelling and shoving from both sides, but when they saw their fathers talking outside, they begrudingly started up conversation. Like their dads, they had stuff in common. less stuff, but still some. Apparently, it was Johnny's birthday coming up. Tank made a mental note of that.

The two boys also got involved in the game, but not on the side of their dads. No, they teamed up together, forcing their dads to team up together as well. By the time the sun went down, everyone was on decent terms, and went home pretty damn happy. Buzz was happy with this outcome, he had admittedly snapped at Polly a few times during the game, but that was the General Buzz side of him- one he also needed to work on, apparently. Though, there was one of the neighbourhood women at the barbacue that kept talking to him, constantly. He didn't mind it, necessarily, he just found it odd. At dinner, Tank expressed his happiness over befriending Johnny, saying he was a cool guy. Buzz mentioned the lady that had talked to him, and Tank very bluntly told him she liked him. Buzz did not believe this concept, so Tank didn't try. Instead, he told his father about how he was to be stationed in an active battle zone soon. He was excited to finally get a chance to fight, and, even though he now knew his dad didn't need it, he wanted to prove that he could. After 18 years of training, he finally had the chance to show his dad he could do something brave. Buzz, on the other hand, was nervous about it. Extremely proud, of course, but nervous. Soldiers didnt usually come home the same. But, if Tank really did want to follow his footsteps, he'd let him. He wasn't to be stationed with him, so he gave him some advice on the generals and types of soldiers he'd probably encounter.

So, only three days later (with nothing much happening inbetween), Tank hugged his father and brothers before heading off in the army truck that came to pick him up, on his way to fight his very first battle. as Buzz watched the vehichle drive away, he jolted as Buck hugged him. 'he'll be okay, won't he?' Buck asked. of course he would, buzz told him, he was a grunt.

In the days leading up to Tank leaving, Nervous got more comfortable with starting conversation. So, when Tank did leave, he asked Buzz to teach him to cook. He liked Buzz' cooking, but he didn't want to rely on other people deciding when he ate. They had a good time, learning how to make a few different meals. Even when Nervous nearly set it on fire. Nervous also decided he wanted to learn to write- not in a general sense, he already knew how to write letters and words, but he wanted to write a story. He wasn't sure what, yet, but he wanted to learn. He wanted it to be about aliens, he knew that much, and he wanted it to be happy.

---

So, as we leave the Grunts, i hope nothing goes wrong while we're away. Because that would be a real shame.

(Foreshadowing is a tool commonly u-)

Next, we'll see how the Curiouses are doing, and how Pascal feels about this whole situation.

[wujico]

tw: death, sh

today sucked.

i thought it was going to go well... it started off well- so i assumed things would run smoothly. 🍀 didnt wake up until i was already at work, so the entire morning i was doom scrolling on tikok waiting for a text from him :,) im so pathetic, aren't i?

my mind was a little quiet though, given the anxiety i had last night. i woke up expecting the worse. silence is better than hearing anything. sometimes i wanna shut out my headmates forever, if it means i dont have to think.

ill never get that pleasure though, be it the thoughts from my depression, or my mind running as a cause of the adhd... and i dont even wanna get started on the malidaptive daydreaming disorder.

i hear everything and feel everything so heavily; maybe im cursed to have my emotions turned up all the way. ive always been called a "cry baby", though i dont think ive cried in front of anyone again since that one day.

as i write this im on my break at work. my hands are shaking in the break room, from the anxiety and the cold. i think the cold just makes the anxiety worse, especially with certain headmates who are serverly triggered by snow / cold weather.

i always used to like the snow, now i feel like dying when i wake up and see the crytal flakes falling outside my window.

im waiting for a message from 🍀 right now. he replied to what i sent him but didn't say anything more and i cant help but be worried... he never tells me anything anymore... when did i become such an unproachable person?

i think ive always been that way.

my breaks over, maybe ill write more tonight.

its tonight now,

i saw an old woman today, at my work. she reminded me of my grandma who died a few years back. ever since i started working here ive gotten better at talking to people, especially to lonely old people, who just need a outlet. i can do some small talk, even though im awkward and it burns me out right afterwards. i can never rest during work because i constanly replay every conversation and nitpick every detail of what i said and how i could be better.

but anyway, she reminded me of my grandma.

i never talked much with my grandma, not seriously. and i hate myself for it. i so blatantly had a favourite grandma back then. and now the one i pushed away is the one i miss the most. she was also so kind to me, even when i hated myself.

she used to make me crochet things when i was younger, before i was even born. i have them in my baby box, little signs for my room, little toys, little stuffed animals... she loved doing that and she was really good at it. she made me an entire dollhouse, which i dont have anymore. oh how i long to play with my barbies on the fabric she carved out herself.

she used to do it all the time, make things for me, especially when she used to babysit me and my brother for weeks on end during the summer months. as i got older, things like TV started to take over our life. me and my brother would still play outside a lot, and we'd play together inside too.... but slowly playing games like uno and skippo with my grandma got less and less "cool" in a way. me and my brother would turn to our wii and the tv (to watch dantdm together) before we'd chose to play a game with her.

i remember it vividly; shed sit at our table, doing crosswords, crochet, or watching gillmore girls. sometimes shed even ask, "ji, do you wanna play a game with me?" and even then, id say no.

i regret it. hours and hours shed sit there. i mean, sometimes i would play games with her, but to a kid... dantdm and stampy are much more fun than uno.

we had this thing, when id watch those youtubers, when they started being extra loud. shed yell at me jokinly why im watching british men play a game- maybe she couldnt undertsand the appeal of minecraft at all. i would giggle, turn it down a bit, then start infordumbing about what hes doing. she'd shake her head and walk off saying she didnt understand, but i saw her smiling anyway.

we went camping all the time with her and my grandpa, park our little tent trailer next to their bigger trunk-pulled one. they had a dog at that time, a german shepherd named shadow. she was such a sweetheart, i used to love running around with her in the surroundings forests. my grandma would struggle with making her bed and other things because it was tucked in the very back of the trailer. i used to go and help her if she "rewarded me nicely", which she always did. she always got me the best snacks that my parents wouldnt let me have. camping was a treat in itself, but it was better with them.

and we'd play games, over and over and over again.

its not the same anymore. my grandpa is gonna sell the trailer, shadow is dead- and so is my grandma. the areas we used to go to i never set foot in anymore.

i dont think i properly got a chance to grieve over her; i never get a chance to grieve over anyone. life moves on immediately, at in that case it was no different.

ive never thought about it since it happend... i think it was about 5 years ago maybe more. she had a heart attack of some sort; was send in an ambulance to the hospital. i was a kid, i didnt think much of it. 'shed get better' id tell myself, because at time my other grandpa had been in and out of hospital for cancer and he seemed to be doing alright. oh how wrong i was.

im crying now, blurring the letters on my phone. the lights in my room are giving me a headache. i never thought about it again, what i saw, what i experienced. i thought i had forgotten it, but for some reason, tonight, i remember it all.

the hallways of the hospital are white with brown accents, but theres a hint of colour within the plants. it smells like a hospital usually does; sterile and stangant. i didnt really mind it that much at the time. i was with my aunt and my dad, both my grandmas children. we walked to the icu. the windows werent glass though, like they are in the movies, i couldnt see into any of the rooms until we got to my grandmas, which im still thankful for, because i know i wouldnt have liked what i saw.

when we got to my grandmas room, it was really dark. her bed was against the oppsite wall to the door. there were no windows outside. there were two chairs on the left wall. the rest of the room was filled up completely by machines and tubes and wires.

my grandma was in the middle of the bed, not moving, barely breathing. she was in a coma. she was so pale, so lifeless. i had never seen her alseep before.

i sat on the chair and listened to my aunt speak to her. i wanted to cry and beg her to wake up. but i didnt. my dad asked if i was okay, i just nodded my head. my throat was dry. i still remember how peacful she looked. but i wasnt dumb, i knew it was a sort of peaceful that couldnt mean anything good.

im so sorry grandma, that i didnt say anything to you. im sorry i didnt say i love you. im so sorry that i couldnt speak, that my words were caught in my throat again. i can never speak when it matters the most. im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry

they say coma patients are still aware of their surroundings... ill always live with the guilt of never saying goodbye.

she died a few days later. my uncle picked me up from work— from my old job at a movie theatre. i was gonna go see my grandma again. i was really dissociated that day, so its all blurry. but i remember eating popcorn. my uncle started driving me home instead of the hospital. my mom told me she died when i got home.

i hate myself for not being able to say goodbye. i hate myself for all the lost time i never spent with her. i hate myself for chosing other activites than hanging out with her. i hate myself for never being able to hold a conversation with her as i grew older. i hate myself for having a favorite and for treating her differently. i hate myself for never saying i loved her.

i couldnt cry over her, besides the initial tears. i dont know why tonight is different, why do i have to remember everything all of a sudden?

i really want to die. im six months clean from sh, but i think im going to end that tonight.

- ji

(1 / 14 / 2024)