#i saw someone else with the same concept and hopped onto the train because boy do i love both of these

[jalattes]

good afternoon, good evening, and good night

[cherri-cherri]

Pairings - Yuuji Itadori x Reader x Ryomen Sukuna

Synopsis - Ever since Yuuji moved away to Tokyo, you've been noticing some odd changes from him, it's almost as if...he was becoming another person all together.

Theme - Monster by Imagine Dragons

A/N - An idea hit me in the head while I was working and I wanted to try this out so badly with both Yuuji and Sukuna! A concept of 'What if the vessel wasn't just the vessel?'. The vessel would eventually merged with the being to become something new altogether, and I thought...yes. why the heck not. This is gonna be a long one, So let's hop right it! Because I really like this idea, theres a good chance this is going to be either split up into parts or I'm gonna keep visiting this every now and then.

Warning - The characters in this story will be aged up due to NSFW content here. Dirty NSFW scenes sprinkled in, Gore Warning, Abuse, Etc.

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He didnt want this...

All he wanted was to keep those he cared about safe. Lying to you at the time seemed like a good idea, especially since you weren't tied into the mystical world he was now tied to, and he didn't want you too. But now, perhaps he should've told you everything.

About the finger, about the school, and...

About Sukuna.

You couldn't exactly remember why you originally said yes to the pink haired boy when he asked you to join his occult club activities that night. Maybe it was because of the fact you have nothing really better to do, or maybe because traveling through a forest of possible gruesome death seemed the most attractive thing to you at the time, yet you an Yuuji grew close together that night. Truth be told, walking through those woods during the dead of night was actually creepier than you thought but he was there by your side to comfort you the entire time, holding your hand while cracking a few jokes every now and then to calm your nerves.

"You're not scared? You seem so..well calm?" You asked, looking up at Yuuji with furrowed brows as he just smiled down at you. "Nah, not really. It's just darker and a few trees are around. Not really anything scary, right?" He said, rubbing the back of his neck while chuckling.

Maybe it was because of the warmth of his hands wrapped around your own or how comforting the presence he gave off was to you but it was probably then that your feelings for Yuuji began to grow.

"What you're going to Tokyo?" You questioned, watching Yuuji prepared a few boxes to pack his things. "Yeah, transferring schools. I'm, um .. I'm recieving a sports scholarship at a school there." Placing a few more of things away was when he finally turned to see you, clearly upset over just now being told this. Sure, you should've been happy to see your best friend be able to leave to accomplish more out of his life but it was the thought of him leaving you here that hurt the most. When he saw your face and the conflicted look on it, Yuuji stepped over towards you before wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you in your embrace.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I just—" before he could finish his sentence, you stood up on your toes and wrapped your arms around his neck and simply smiled to him. "You don't have to say a thing, Yuuji, I'm happy for you. Just promise me that you'll stay safe out there for me, 'kay?"

Your words alone reminded him why he had to leave, why he had to go and leave you here. It was to keep you safe, safe from curses and safe from the curse lying dormant inside of him now. "R-right...Thank you, Y/N"

The school days were quiet once when Yuuji transferred schools. Sadly enough, the occult club had to disband after he left due to them not having enough members with Iguchi still hospitalized. Now it just seemed..boring without him there but he still seemed to have brighten your day with the photos he would send you every day of the bright city lights and bustling streets. His little messages and calls always well timed to reassure you that just because you aren't blocks away from each other anymore doesn't mean you won't still be friends.

So far, you've became pretty happy with Yuuji and how he's able to come so far in Tokyo. He speaks greatly about his sensei and his new classmates known as Fushiguro and Kugasaki, who from the sound of it, are a bit of a handle but great friends who still treat him well. Every week when he had his day off, he would spend time on video call to talk to you and even show you cool things that he either found around the city or around the school's campus.

Tonight however..he was late. Sure, it didn't bother you really if he was punctual or on time since this was Yuuji we were talking about here but there was a tad bit of worry lingering in your head. Soon enough, as soon as that ugly feeling of worry and doubt began to surface, Yuuji's icon appeared on the screen on the laptop as it began to ring to which you quickly opened.

"Yuuji, hey— oh my god, your face." You said right away, gasping a little at the cuts and bruises littered not only on his face but from the looks of it, his arms and shoulders too. Has he been fighting? "What? Oh, oh! These! Yeah, Fushiguro and Gojou-Sensei kinda roughen me up a little today during training but it's no sweat, really! Barely feel a thing," Yuuji tried to give you a reassuring smile while patting his right shoulder only to wince a little in pain from the impact of the pat.

"First the weird scars on your face, now bruises? Dude, I get that this is a sports thing but don't you think it's a little extreme?"

Hearing the worry in your voice, Yuuji rubbed the back of his neck with his left hand nervously as he tried to think of a way to reassure you until a deep voice came from that same hand, chuckling softly.

"What's this? A woman talking to the brat...? How amusing." Sukuna.

Hearing the voice, Yuuji instantly flinched and lowered his arms out of the camera's view. Panic shot through his body as you stared at the screen with a raised brow. "Oh, is someone there with you now? Didn't know you had a roommate."

Oh good, you didn't see him. It wasn't as if he was afraid of you meeting Sukuna, he was afraid of telling you the truth about everything. About how he was now a vessel for ancient being, how he was studying cursed energy and jujutsu, how he died yet came back to life..dumping so much on you with the chance that you might never speak to him again out of fear, out of disgust. That you stop being his friend, and that he would never..he would never—

"Yuuji?" Tapping the screen a little on your laptop as it shook the camera, he soon stared back at you and laughed nervously. "O-oh right, he's only here for a little bit of time, so I figured what's really the point in telling you"

"Really now? Could've swore I was here to stay with you forever. You could at least introduce me to your friend here." Sukuna felt a great amusement watching Yuuji squirm just to keep you in the dark. Yuuji quickly began stammering on his words, throwing you off as he made a quick excuse to leave the call early. Before you could even say a single word, he clicked ended the facetime before sighing to himself and leaning back against his chair.

"...What is the point in keeping me hidden? We are practically one now, me as you and you as me, Brat." Sukuna said, his mouth now appearing on the left side of his cheek with the eyelid opening to stare up at the boy. "Are you scared of me paying your little toy a visit? Young and no doubt a virgin, I could have some fun with her—" Yuuji quickly slapped a hand against the mouth in attempt to hush the curse only for Sukuna to migrate to the hand.

"I won't let that happen, Sukuna." Yuuji said, frowning as he heard the curse chuckle. He didn't like the sound of how he described his bond to the soul sleeping inside of him, how they were one in the same. Shaking his head, the boy tried to reassure himself that he was nothing like Sukuna and simply went to turn off the lights and sleep on it. The last thing he heard before slumber took him were the ominous words of Sukuna,

"You'll see I was right soon enough, brat..."

A week later, Yuuji came back home to visit you. It was one of the days where the school allowed their students a break from their studies and classes and so he wanted to spend it with you as a surprise. And indeed you were surprised. When you had rushed downstairs, you did so wearing only a red sleeved t-shirt that the pink haired male might have left behind with a pair of gray shorts, and so when you opened the door to see the cheery face of your best friend well...it may have left you a bit flustered.

"Hey, Y/—" you quickly shut the door in his face, collapsing on your knees as you felt your cheeks beginning to burn. 'Why of all days, Itadori?!' You thought to yourself as she slowly stood back up and cracked the door open to see Yuuji's baffled face. He looked like a puppy..a sad puppy who was just kicked off his owner's bed and it broke you. Before long, he was now in your house and sitting in the living room couch while you were in the kitchen preparing tea. Your father was currently away on business while god knows what your mother was..it was just the two of you.

And it was awkward.

As you prepared tea on the kettle, Yuuji couldn't help but look at the shirt you were wearing as a small pink blush was lightly spreading on his cheeks. In a way, it filled him with a strange feeling seeing you walking around in something of his, seeing you wearing his shirt made him..prideful. didn't help with how short your shorts were either, it was practically hugging onto your as—

"So, it's just you? Dude, you should've told me you were coming! I would've been more prepared..I barely have any snacks or anything here right now." You grumbled, snapping his attention away to listen to what you were saying. "Hey, no worries, Y/N. Honestly, I'm just hungry for something else..." that last part through him off as he covered his mouth. That wasn't his voice. No, it was but that wasn't him speaking.

As he turned his head to the side to the balcony door, there the boy saw it in his reflection. The eye of Sukuna staring right back at him, causing him to quickly cover the eye.

"Huh? Alright, well what are you hungry for? Theres probably some ramen around here someone or we could just go out to a place to eat if you want.." you questioned, back turned away from him as you began to take the now whistling kettle off the stove. No, he couldn't deal with this now, not while you were only feet away from him. Yet the more he watched you in the reflection, the more he saw your curves in those pretty little shorts or your braless breasts bounce with ease under his stolen shirt...

Shaking his head, Yuuji soon stood up from the couch and placed on his jacket. "I'm sorry, N/N, But I have to go—"

"Wait what but–"

"Sorry, u-um, Gojou-Sensei said something came up and I have to go back! I'm sorry but I'll make it up to you— I promise!" Before you could even protest, he was already out of the door and gone. As he left, you could've swore you saw an eye on his cheek where one of his scars were but that was impossible, right?

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He honestly had no idea where he was going to run off to but the boy knew that if Sukuna had a chance to take over and you were in front of him, would've hurt you or worse. Seeing your disappointed face yet again almost shattered his heart completely and when Yuuji finally came to a halt, he found himself beside a small stream and sighed. This was all for the best. It was to keep you safe, or so he kept telling himself.

"Damn, to think you would actually run away when she was begging for you to take her there. What a wimp.." Sukuka said, mouth manifesting on Yuuji's neck as his eye looks up at frowning boy. "Its not often you get an open invitation from a woman. If I was in control, I would've taken her then and there and ram my co‐" Yuuji quickly slapped a hand over the mouth as a faint blush appeared on his cheeks, him now thinking back to you and how pretty you looked wearing his shirt. "S-shut up. Don't go saying such gross crap."

"You know you feel the same. I can see that she affects you even now judging by the sight of your pants. You wanted to stuff her with your seed just as much as I did." Sukuna said, the mouth now on his hand. Much to Yuuji's surprise, his dark brown eyes quickly shot down to his pants and just as Sukuna said, there was a raging boner standing up at attention. Swallowing his guilt, he tried to cover it only for his pinky finger to slowly graze the fabric and giving his cock a small jolt. The boy hissed a little and quickly placed his hands to his side.

"I-i..I just.." "No need to be embarrassed. That girl isn't anything typically special but just seeing her, seeing her ass in such revealing clothing. Women of this era must be extremely dirty~" Sukuna chuckled "and hearing your thoughts, you certainly surprised me, Brat..." the more Sukuna spoke, the more Yuuji thought back to you. Seeing your breasts and ass was truthfully hot, even if you weren't exactly his type, he still found you beautiful. Slowly without him even noticing, his hand slowly motioned for his cock once more and in the silence of the forest, Yuuji Itadori thought only of you during his time in pleasure.

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It wasn't until later on into the night that Yuuji had finally texted you back, saying he would back tomorrow to make things up with you. Sure, it did cheer you up that he would be back but the way he was acting lately made you feel like something was wrong. If you ever asked, he would change the subject or just smile at you awkwardly as if admitting to hiding something but you won't force him tell you what was wrong. When He was ready, he would tell you for sure and you'll wait for however long he wanted.

"N/N, Everything alright?" Yuuji asked, gaining your attention as you snapped back to the present and out of your thoughts. Looking around, you found yourself staring ahead at a bag of popcorn and the large bright ights of a ferris wheel constantly in motion. That's right, the local fairgrounds, Yuuji had wanted to go one more time before he returned back to Tokyo and since you always liked the food here, you of course said yes. "O-oh, yeah! I'm fine. Just looking ahead at the wheel. Remember last time we were here some kid ended up puking on Sasaki from a cart above us?"

"Haha! Yeah, she smelled of salty tuna for weeks afterwards and it left a stain on her uniform" He laughed, staring at the wheel as he thought about the memory. As you stared at him and watch his smile, it had then reassured you that this was still your best friend and you smiled back. For a moment, the two of you were having a blast at the small fair, playing some of the games set up by the booths (and being turned away after Yuuji broke a few with his strength..) it felt like old times all over again. "Wanna play another game or play at bumper carts? We still have some time to kill before you gotta go back?" You asked, carrying some of the plushie prizes the two of you (mainly Yuuji) earned, you looked over to your side and saw a cotton candy display before your attention turns back to Yuuji, The two of you decided just for a moment to sit down at a small metal bench to rest your feet for a moment

Seeing the display, an idea popped up in his head and the words of Gojou appeared in his mind. 'You want advice on how to swoon a girl? Well take small hints when she gives them to you, if her eyes are lingering on something then that's probably a sign she wants it—'. Seeing as how you kept looking up at the cotton candy, he thought this might have been his chance and sat down his own plushies. Without saying a word, Yuuji got up and walked over to the stand, leaving you there by the table alone with your horde of plush creatures.

Seeing you seating there at the bench by yourself, a group of punks who looked to be close to your age strolled up to you, two of them taking a seat on each side of you while the third one was standing right behind you. "Fine evening, isn't it, love. What's a sweet little thing like you doing here by yourself, you looking for some fun?" The purple haired male said on your left side, lowering his shades as he stared noticeably at your chest. "Actually, I'm here with a friend and this seat is for him so if you could jus—" "oh a 'friend'? But I don't see this friend now, so maybe you could tag along with us back to our place and we'll show you a fun time." The punk behind you said, his hands now pressed firmly on both of your shoulders as he leaned in a bit closer to you, causing you to flinch at his touch. "I, um.."

"N/N?"

Turning your head back to in front of you, you saw Yuuji there holding a blue and pink cotton candy stick and face emotionles. "N/N, huh? That's a cute name. This your friend, N/N?" The purple haired punk said, chuckling while rising from his seat "....." Yuuji remained silent for a bit as he stared off at the hands touching you, gripping onto your shoulder and clearly making you uncomfortable. He was typically known for being a calm guy but see this angered him beyond words.

'You see what they're doing to your woman, brat? You're just going to let it happen..?' Yuuji heard the inner words of Sukuna in his head, his eyes dart away from you to the guy standing in front of him, smirking as he touch the cotton candy from the pink haired boy's hand and taking a large bite of the webby treat. "This doesnt have to get rough, all you need to do is walk away and we'll show N/N-chan here a good time she'll never forget." He said, licking his tongue over his lips.

As Yuuji's lips parted, he heard a groan coming from you as you squirmed in the other guys hold with the second punk was now leaning into your neck. Seeing your frown of discomfort, they way they were touching what was rightful his , All he needed to hear were those small words from Sukuna.

'They're touching your woman, they're hurting her. Finish.. them.. off.'

Yuuji stood there for a moment, remaining silent as he lowered his hand, a shadow now cast over his face. Opening one of your eyes as you squirm in the punk's hold, you saw something that made your heart almost stop beating altogether. That smile on his face, that malevolent smile and empty eyes as he held onto the purple haired Male's now broken arm.

The next thing was a blur. The screams of your harassers echoed around you and you heard a wet sound looping over and over again as well as hard thuds. Opening your eyes, you saw it. Two of the thugs bloodied and bruised as their limbs were bent in ways you couldn't imagine, one of them dangling up above you on a tree branch while the other one was limp inside of the cotton candy stand. Looking around for the third one, you saw him behind held against one of the food stands while Yuuji was there gripping his hand over the punk's neck. You couldn't exactly show him any mercy and yet Yuuji was clearly taking things too far, even when the guy tried to beg for mercy and claw his way out of your friend's hold, all Yuuji did was stand there with a grin you've never seen before. It wasnt one of his innocent smiles or mischievous grins, no, it was one of pure sadism. "P-please stop, I'm sorry..I'm sorry.." "you didn't stop when she wanted you too, So why should I?" Yuuji tilted his head to the side a little, chuckling a little as his grip tightened and the man gasped out for air "you'll pay for what you did. You'll all fucking pay..."

The air in your chest almost stopped filling your lungs completely as you watch this. That wasn't the Yuuji you knew, he would've never went this far just to prove a point! Slowly taking a step forward and then another and then slowly speeding up, you reached out and held onto the arm Yuuji was holding the punk up with. "Yuuji, stop it! You'll kill him if you keep this up!" You yelled only to feel a blow strike your face and send you tumbling back a few feet, causing you to scream out in pain. "Stay out of this." Was all he said until freezing and slowly turning back to see what he had done.

Crimson was spilling from your nose onto your shirt and it was gushing out by the bucket to which you quickly covered as you stared up at Yuuji with teary eyes. Regret instantly overwhelmed him as he dropped the thug and slowly reached over to you, his senses coming back to him. "N/N?" He questioned, almost checking to see if you were alright but you backed away as he stepped over to you. What has he done..? Why did he..? He watched you slowly back away with each step, fear in your bright (E/C) eyes and it broke him. "Hey, w-what's wrong? I was only trying to protect them from you, you don't have to be scared."

As people began to crowd in, brought in by the noise of fighting and your scream, Yuuji hand ghosted over the skin of yourself shoulder and you flinched. You flinched at his touch..So many feelings began to overwhelm him that he didn't notice the look of horror in your eyes as you watched what thought were scars slowly twitch and open up, revealing bright red eyes staring directly at you.

"They were going to hurt you," 'She's scared of you now after all you've done' "I saved you! They won't touch you like that again!" 'She sees you for what you are, brat.' "I just wanted to keep you safe!" With each yell, Yuuji watched as you grew more and more scared, the people around all of you terrified as they watched and some even grabbing whatever they could that could be a weapon. Gripping his head as he felt an intense pain through his skull, it was then he noticed..how small you looked as he towered over you. When did you get so small? He thought to himself, bending down to grab you when he saw his arm.

His nails were a dark purple shade, sharper and three black markings were on his wrist. Turning his head a little to one of the booth's and staring into the window was when the truth hit Yuuji hard. His body was different and taller now for some reason and Sukuna's markings were slowly appearing over his face. He was..slipping?

"Y-yuuji, what the hell is happening to you.." he heard you whisper yet before he could respond, there was the sharp pain of something blunt hitting his shoulder. Looking to his feet, he saw a medium sized rock and there another and another. The people were launching what they could at him, yelling at him to leave the girl alone and to leave. Yelling for his death, calling him a monster, calling him a curse. He stared at you for a moment, seeing how now tears leaking from your eyes and Yuuji stepped away before fleeing.

"Yuuji, wait!!" He heard your frantic yell from behind him but it didn't slow him down as he kept running further into the distance and leaving you behind. Your yells becoming drowned out by the mad laughter of Sukuna echoing in his mind.

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No, he didn't want this at all. The day was meant to go differently, it was meant to be just the two of you having fun together and end with the ferris wheel and him finally telling you that he...

Thunder crackled outside of the decrepit shrine the boy had taken shelter in, rain pouring outside by the gallons. As he watched the raindrops in silence, Yuuji saw how the scenery slowly began to shift around him as the sky became more malevolent and the cold concrete he was sitting on now a pool of crimson water with piles on top of piles of bones surrounded him. The memories of the fairground echoed in his mind over and over again on loop of him hitting you and your look of fear haunting him, causing his eyes to water.

"Aw, are you going to cry, brat..?"

Yuuji remained silent as he waited for Sukuna to appear at any moment, yet he never came, only his voice lingered around him. "This is all of your fault.." Yuuji whispered, staring off into the rain. "My fault? I don't understand. If I recall, you were to one who eat my finger. You were the one who signed up for being my vessel, everything that has been done was all you..I merely watched from here."

"Bullshit! You made me hurt her..you made me like this!" Yuuji screamed out, flashes of who he did to those thugs showing through his mind, "You made me hurt them!"

"...No, that was all you. You can blame me all you want but I felt what you felt, saw what you saw and you loved every second of that fight. Whipping those who displease you in place, kicking the asses of the men who touched what was yours. Gotta say, made me tear up watching everything unfold" Hear the curse's chuckle echo around in the shrine, Yuuji quickly stood up and yelled out for Sukuna to show himself, only for him to collapse on his knees when feeling an sharp pain in his torso.

"No need to show myself, I'm already with you as close as I can."

Gritting his teeth in pain it was then that Yuuji saw his reflection staring back at him in the water, grinning ear to ear with malice in those sharp fangs.

"You see , Brat, becoming my vessel didn't just mean I was trapped inside of you..no no..You would slowly become me. Your small soul means shit compared to mine and it will be swallowed whole by me. I just needed us to be bound for some time and you would be mine..."

As the reflection spoke to him, Yuuji screamed out in pain as he felt his bones inside of him crack and twist as if they were rearranging themselves. His stomach felt as if it was being cut open entirely as the flesh began to slowly pull apart while tearing open the yellow hoodie in the process, the meat of his torso was forced open as a tongue lulled out and licked his abs like they were lips. The sides of his waist felt as if someone was taking a pair of axes and were merely swinging it down as flesh began to bubble through and bones formed one by one until two new pair of arms were fully shaped. Taking a deep breath, Yuuji slowly chuckled as one of his hands reached up to his head and gripped it and the others wrapped around his waist.

"N-no..no..i.."

"You should be honoured, Yuuji. You get the privilege of becoming one with me, my power is now yours and yours mine." His lips, against his will, began to speak the words of Sukuna as they formed into a forced grin. "N-no..I haven't told her yet. I haven't told N/N that I love—"

"Yuuji?"

Once when he blinked, Yuuji found himself no longer in the shrine but sitting inside of his desk in his old desk with you standing beside him. Seeing you before him, safe and smiling at him, the boy quickly stood up and wrapped his arms around you which took you for surprise in the process but you simply allowed him to let it all out when you hugged him back. "Well hello to you too, welcome back to earth, how was your trip to space..?" You said, chuckling before feeling something wet on your shoulders. His tears.

"Y/N..I..I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything, I should've told you everything. I should'nt have hit you. I just wanted to protect you because...because...I love you!" His words surprised you but you simply smile. "I love you too, Yuuji."

Staring back down at the reflection before him of the boy hugging onto you tightly as he weeped, dark brown eyes shift to that of a bright velvet shade. Sukuna chuckled while stretching out his newly formed body. How good it felt to be back in control, to have actual flesh again and to see this brand new world all to himself. Sure, his power was not what it used to be but he would regain all of his fingers soon enough. As his domain faded away and he found himself back in the decrepit old shrine, he smirked to himself while debating his next order of business.

"Y/N L/N...Maybe I should do this body a favor and seize you for my own."

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He wouldn't answer any of your calls or texts. No one has heard or seen of him but now there was a witch hunt for your best friend. As you laid in your dimly lit bedroom with bandages over your nose, you stared down at your phone anxiously awaiting something from Yuuji.

Ring~~~

Ring~~~

Hearing the sound of your phone vibrating, you quickly shot up from the covers an grabbed the phone, unlocking it right away and placing it to your ear.

"Hello?" There was nothing but silence on the other end, the soft howling of the wind being the other thing you could really make out. "Hello..?"

"N/N.." your heart practically stopped for a moment but you felt almost a wave of relief hearing his voice on the other line. "Oh thank god, Yuuji..Are you ok—" "N/N, open the window." Was all he said before then line went dead and you were left sitting there baffled. Did he make it back to your house? Slowly crawling out of the bed and slipping on your bedroom slippers, you walked over towards the window and moved the blinds down only a little to peep outside. Standing there in your backyard, shirtless and with his hands in his pockets was Yuuji, seemingly back to normal and everything. There were not increased height, no weird markings, he looked fine and apart of you wondered if it was just the force of his punch that made you see him change. No..because everyone else saw his appearance too.

Taking a deep breath, you lifted up the blinds and unlatched the window. The second that it was free and opened up, Yuuji had jumped above onto the roof and crawled inside to your room. "Y-yuuji, you have a lot of explaining to do— Whoa, whoa!" You took a step back cautiously but he soon grabbed ahold of your wrist and pulled you close to his chest, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head in the crook of your neck. "I know I do, but first I just want to say I'm sorry to you, Y/N. I never meant to hurt you.." he said, whispering in a soft tone as his hold on you tighten a bit.

"I'm leaving here after tonight but I just had to see you to tell you that I..I love you. I love you, Y/N" Taken back by his words, you felt yourself being pushed onto your bed and watched as the boy loomed over you before crawling onto the mattress.

He loved you. Those words practically made your heart skipped over so many times that you were positive that you had stopped breathing. "Let me come with you, Yuuji." You said, reaching up to his face and caressing his cheeks, "I don't know what's happening but you can trust me. I won't let you go through this alone and I'll always be here with you."

He didn't say much after that. All he did was lower his head a little until your lips were merely inches away from each other before he pressed them together. The sensation you felt was one like fireworks. Those butterflies in your stomach exploding and multiplying over and over again as you felt his tongue licking your bottom lip but you pulled away before he could fully explore your mouth.

"Always..? So you will always stay with me, N/N?" He whispered, head dipping down to your neck as he left a trail of kisses down your warm skin until he kissed the base of your throat. "Yeah..I will." "Do you swear..?" His hands began to grip your hips, running the tips of his fingers against your clothed thighs while he began to press his own hips to your own.

"I-I swear.." you said, staring up at Yuuji with a small smile. He stared at you for a moment, smiling down at you before sitting up, his large hand covering the upper half of his face.

"That's all I need to make you mine." Sliding his hand upwards was when you saw it. Those spare eyes once again on Yuuji's cheeks, staring at you as if it you were nothing but glass. That sincere smile that calmed your soul became a mischievous grin, showing the sharpened fangs he now had. You watched as those pitch blackp markings began to spread over his skin and yet the moment you sat up, two fully grown arms pinned you down onto the mattress. "Almost as naive as the brat himself but I suppose there is some charm to the naivete of a woman. Makes it easier to influence, to change.." 'Yuuji' said, dipping his head down to your ear before biting down on the lobe of it. You gasped out, squirming in his hold.

"Let me go, Yuuji! I don't know what's going on but I want to help! Just let me help you!" You yelled out to him but soon silenced yourself as you noticed the scenery of your bedroom changing. All of your furniture began to disappear one by one as a red hue began to spread around the two of you

In the blink of an eye, you were taken to Sukuna's innate domain. The water that replaced the softness of your bed now causing your back to soaked and your hair now spread out and floating in the depths. "Yell all you want but that brat can't hear you anymore. Gone forever in a dream that will never come true, but I promise I will keep you company in his stead. By the time I am done with you, will forget all about him. All you'll want is me, all you'll ever need is me. The name Ryomen Sukuna will burned into your soul and you'll learn to worship me, N/N..."

With a single swing, the soft yet wet cotton fabric of your shirt and shorts was torn off of you with ease and revealed your now exposed flesh to the cold. Sukuna stared down at them, his tongue licked over his long and sharp fangs as his eyes motioned down to your folds. His hand traveled down your thighs before his finger swiped against the outer circle of your lips yet he looked displeased from what he felt. "Dry as a drought but that's fine. I'll be fucking you regardless" he said, his index finger slowly pushing inside of your virgin cunt causing you to gasp out for air and arch your back. "You tighten just now, dirty whore...Did you often fantasise Yuuji stuffing his cock inside of you...?" he whispered into your ear intimately, he kissed the bottom of your ear and moved onto your neck, sucking until he found the soft spot that made you inhale deeply. 

Sukuna sucked on your neck while constantly kept inserting his finger in you, pumping in and out, eventually adding a second digit. He curled his fingers and caused you let out a faint moan as his finger crept closer to your sweet spot over and over. It was too much, you thought as he bit down onto your soft skin, and you were feeling so good from it so far and it made you ashamed. this demon, this thing was in your best friend's body and now he was using it to currently assault your body but the feeling of it all was too good. You had to keep your eyes shut for looking up at Sukuna tugged at your heart as all you saw was Yuuji.

"Oh you are loving this..." parting from your neck,he looked pleased seeing the angry red hickey left behind.

"I-im not...I'm not..." A moan escaped your lips, feeling something wet replace his fingers. Lifting your head, you saw a mouth on the palm of his hand and its tongue gently licking the nub of your clit almost like a lollipop. "Feels good, doesn't it, N/N..?" His tone was nothing less than mocking, the mouth taking ahold of one of your lips with its teeth causing you to scream out. "I said, it feels good doesnt it? Speak when your master is speaking to you. "

"Y-yes! It feels amazing!" You tasted so sweet on his tongue, circling your clit, lapping at your clenching entrance, kissing your folds. "A-Ah~" You whimper when he folds your legs to your chest, He takes another nip at your clit, as he listened to your hushed whines. Your moans were music to his ears, yet what he wanted from you was his name. The thought of his former vessel's love screaming his name turned him on, the thought of keeping you only fueling the flames. It was harder and harder for him to contain hisself when you're drowning in the pleasure of his mouth licking and sucking at your sloppy pussy.

"I'll take you as mine. You'd like that wouldn't you? Being the woman of the king of curses, waiting for me to return to fill you to the brim." sweat felt like it was pooling out of your body from the attention he was giving to on your clit. Your bucking hips were a clear sign that you were close and so, he pulled his hand away.

"You don't get to come yet. You're only allowed to when you're milking my cock."

The things he did to were things no man has ever done before. Scratches and cuts littered your flesh and bruises were on your sore ass and stomach. There a few times to where you had even blacked out from the amount of pleasure he had given you..

Now you found yourself with you riding his swollen cock as he stared up at you with satisfied eyes, grunting while large hands were pressed against your abused breasts as his hips pumped up into your leaking cunt. Your head felt like it was spinning as you screamed out, orgasm crashing hard as your cunt tightened around his shaft.

As you felt his throbbing cock inside of you, his hand grabbed ahold of your chin and your lips made contact. Sukuna only pulled away when he silently cursed, his seed releasing inside of you for what felt like the billionth time. Taking a deep breath, he stayed inside of your warm hole, not wanting a single drop to spill and kissed your cheek.

Fucking you only assured his choice of keeping you as he own. Sukuna was going to original kill you while taking Yuuji's appearance after taking you but holding you close like this as you soon became limp (no doubt exhausted), your warmth against his own and staring down at your cum stained face..it made something inside him feel strange.

A weakness no doubt, but one at the moment that could keep him entertained. Combing a loose strand of hair behind your ears, Sukuna chuckled.

"From this day forth, you will be my bride. Consider yourself lucky..."

[mrs-i-have-too-many-biases]

Stray Kids as your Secret Admirer

Scenario: They are your secret admirer. Genre: Fluff/ Humour AU Prompts: College AU/ Office AU/ Idol AU/ Fan AU/ High School AU/ Non-Idol AU/ Bakery AU Pairing: Stray Kids Members X Female Reader Word count: 7,4K Warnings: None really, maybe some swear words.

Chan: (College au)

“Just talk to her already!” Minho whined at the music major next to him. Chan, one of the biggest heartthrobs of the campus and known for his confidence, his kind nature and his amazing songs, was right now trembling in his boots because his crush walked by and almost caught him in his tracks.

Minho sighed as he spoke up again. “And how long do you think you’ll be able to keep this up?” “As long as I need to.” Chan murmured back, his face seemed to have heated up as his eyes followed her figure. Minho shook his head in disbelief at his smitten friend. It was time for another step and both of them knew it.

Chan continued his secret admirer act, writing Y/n love letters and notes of adoration.

‘You looked ethereal today, I’ve learned about this word the other day and I couldn’t help but think of you. ‘Extremely delicate and light in a way that seems not to be of this world.’’

Y/n blushed under the tree she was sitting under as she read the note over and over again. The little notes of adoration were the highlight of her day. She couldn’t believe that there was someone this good with words and this sweet who was possibly interested in her.

And Minho on the other hand couldn’t believe that Chan still was keeping up the same act like he has been for the past 4 months. But today things were going to change, Minho made sure of it. Especially since Chan didn’t notice Y/n sitting behind the tree.

“Is that another letter of affection mister Bang?” Minho teased as he noticed the familiar envelope in his friend’s hands. “Yeah.”  Chan simply giggled. The younger lad would playfully roll his eyes at him as he continued his not-so thought through strategy to make Chan confess. “When are you going to give this to Y/n?” “She has a free period right now, so I have no idea when I can sneak this into her bag or locker.” “Why don’t you just do it right now.” Minho said as they abruptly stopped walking, Minho’s hands on Chan’s shoulders to turn him around.

Causing him to finally face his crush who looked at him with a surprised expression. “Good luck buddy.” Minho simply said, patting his frozen friend before he walked off.

“So, it was you all along?” Y/n asked him as she got up on her feet to face the shy boy. “Y-you sound disappointed.” Chan mutters softly under his breath, feeling like he was going to be rejected any second now. She noticed his trembling hands and his sad eyes under his hair that was hanging over his face. She rushed to him and took his face in her hands. “I’m not disappointed, not at all! I love these notes! I cherish them dearly. They are the highlight of my day. It’s just I can’t believe that it’s you.” She giggled shyly as she made him look at her, this time her eyes filled with adoration as she looked at her admirer.

“So, your feelings are mutual?” “I fell in love with the words you’ve left me, now it’s time for me to fall with the man who’s written them.”

Minho: (Office au)

“Sometimes I really wonder why you’re my co-worker.” Y/n whined as Minho took the small stuffed animal from her hands that she was trying to hide from him. For the past few weeks Y/n had been receiving notes and small gifts almost every day from her ‘secret admirer’. And her best friend Minho, who happened to be her colleague as well, couldn’t miss a second of teasing the living hell out of her for it.

“Seems like this guy really is whipped for you huh? Did you blackmail someone to make it seem like you’re loved by somebody- ouch!” Minho whined as he rubbed his punched arm that was hurting because of his friend. She quickly took the stuffed animal from him and placed it back on her desk.

“Shut up and no, I didn’t blackmail someone or bribed them before you even start asking.” Y/n mutters, huffing as she sat back on her seat. Minho only laughed and secretly stole a glance as he saw her look at the small soft toy in adoration.

When Minho sat across from her he had a hard time to not stare at his crush, especially with a big monitor dividing them both. He would have often have to tease Y/n and annoy her just a little bit, only to gain her attention. Her rolling eyes would be enough for him, not the best kind of attention, but it worked for him. Besides, he couldn’t make it obvious that he was the one gifting Y/n all of this or that he was her secret admirer. He wouldn’t hear the end of it if she found out that it was him.

Minho was done with his tasks and had nothing better to do, so he went to search online if there would be anything cute or anything his friend and crush would like that he could give her. If he could, he would’ve given her the world. It was a natural thing for him to admirer her. She was excellent at her job and she shined independently, so he often wondered if she even thought of him as more than a friend.

Y/n had wondered the same, she knows her best friend is eye-candy. And sadly the other colleagues of the department saw that too. Many people were all over him during breaks or would find any reason to talk to him. And all the teasing and bickering she and Minho had going on between one another, didn’t really make it look like he was interested in her like she was in him. So, this secret admirer came almost at a perfect timing as Y/n was slowly giving up on Minho and her feelings towards him. “Psst!” She heard him whisper not so subtly. ‘Dinner?’ The blue note said that Minho held up. She chuckled to herself and gave her friend a thumbs up as confirmation.

Hours passed and the two of them were now seated in their favourite restaurant. Minho was grilling the meat in between you as the two of you complained together about work.

“Let’s talk about something else.” Minho eventually proposes. “About what? You probably just want to tease me for having a secret admirer.” Y/n pouted as she munched on her food. “I mean, you’re asking for it. You have that thing on the table as we speak.” Minho laughed in disbelief. “Hey, it’s a highlight of my day, shut it.” She pointed her chopsticks at her friend as a threat, causing him to burst into laughter once again and throwing his hands up in the air. “Am I not enough for you?” Minho joked, but not receiving an answer from her cracked his heartstrings.

He looked back up after sighing softly, seeing her being too busy munching on her food. He wanted the kind of attention that she was giving everything else but him. “Maybe I should gift you a filled lunchbox next time.” Minho muttered under his breath. But Y/n’s gasp and the sound of her choking on her food made him panic and realise what he just said.

“I-it’s you who’s been gifting me things?” “Uhm-“ “You are my secret admirer?” She asked with wide eyes. “This wasn’t part of the plan.” Minho sighed as he put down his chopsticks, knowing he had to get this over one day. “I-“ “So, you are my secret admirer? Yet, you make fun of ‘him’, which turns out to be yourself?” “I’m not going to hear the end of this, am I?” “Yup.”

Minho groaned, but was sooner enough stopped by the sudden touch of her hands on his. “You’re pretty stupid you know.” “I know, but you like me. Or well, at least the gifts I gave you.” He chuckled before taking another bite of his food to avoid any kind of awkward tension. “You know that I like you better, right?” Minho breath was caught in his throat and he almost spat out his food in surprise by her confession. “Really?” “Yes, you dummy. You better get me that lunchbox you were mumbling about! Thank you baby!” She shot him a smile and pinched his cheeks playfully. Making him shake his head before he fed her some food this time. He knew better to let her make fun of him.

Changbin: (Idol AU)

“Changbin-“ Chan was cut off by his younger friend jump up in his seat. “Why?” Changbin sighed as he tried to calm his heart, his phone clutched in his other hand. “Our manager is now even asking me, to ask you to stop.” Chan simply puts out. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Changbin lied as he tried to focus again on his phone. “Mate, I literally saw the email you were writing. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” His older friend sighed. “Chan, I really just want to work together with her.” Changbin whined as his phone was taken from him by his leader. “I get that. She’s incredibly talented and your favourite rapper, but she’s also your crush and that’s why you’re acting like this.”

“Don’t you have any dignity?” Chan asked as he read parts of the mail. “Nope, she’s taken it. My sanity as well.” Changbin stated with a sheepish smile. “Well, I’ve noticed that, but you need to tone it down a little. Her manager might even think you’re a saesang or tell Y/n about all of this and you might never be able to work with her.” “I know, but she’s such an inspiration and so great. I just can’t wait.” “Time will come around, just tone it down for now.”

And time did pass. The boys started to work on their new album and it was time for them again to start promoting. Changbin had kept his promise and toned the emails down. He had hopped on the Instagram DM-train. He would compliment her on his fan-account, so that his identity would stay safe and that his members won’t tease him as much like they used to do. Changbin even hopped onto the trend of making fan-edits, to make his account seem legit okay, nothing else… 

That’s what he’s trying to tell himself.

He has so many pictures of her on her phone. Lots of ones where the concept of the pictures were ‘girlfriend material’. Binnie is an absolute sucker for those. He even found a couple edits where Y/n and Changbin himself were edited together, his fans knew about Changbin’s adoration for Y/n and some couldn’t help but ship the two. He would gush at the edits and whine to himself in wish for it to be reality. The buff rapper received weird but commons looks from his team as he was orientated on the pictures on his phone.

“Do you think he knows that Y/n is here tonight?” Hyunjin asked his leader in a whisper. “I don’t think he does. He’s a super fan, but he’s too busy crushing on her to be able to know when and where she’s actually promoting her stuff.” Chan laughed in responds.

The two teammates then had a ‘brilliant’ idea and told the others that they would be back in just a second, before they left the waiting room. Changbin was in the meantime too busy to notice them leaving as he was scrolling through his fan-account and others that posted things about Y/n.

“Changbin-“ Chan once again was cut off by Changbin who jumped up in his seat in surprise. “Again. Why?” Changbin whined as he clutched his chest. “We’ve got someone waiting for you who you’ve been wanting to meet.” Chan states as he dragged his friend with him. “Wait what-“ “Changbin meet Y/n! Y/n meet Changbin!” Hyunjin chirped as he pushed his friend closer to his crush. “Wait-“ “Welp, we got to go for now, it was lovely to meet you Y/n and I bet that we will meet each other again!” Chan grinned before he dragged Hyunjin with him back into the waiting room.

“I didn’t know you were here.” Changbin stuttered shyly, not being able to look her in the eye. “That’s an honest surprise, since my manager has told me a lot about you.” She teased as she shot him a smile. “Of course, he did.” Changbin was able to mutter out, his words seemed to be stuck in his throat.

His hands were clammy and he felt like he was sweating all over the place. He hoped he looked reasonable and that he didn’t gave her a weird impression. “I’ve heard that you wanted to do a collaboration with me?” “Yes! I mean, yes I would love to. I think that we would be able to work together greatly and that our music would go well together.” Changbin could mentally slap himself for not being able to pull himself together. “Could I give you my number then? I’ll be up in twenty minutes. So, sadly I don’t have too much time on my hands right now.”

Changbin could feel his stomach do flips in his body and his heart skip a beat. He unlocked his phone mindlessly and handed it to her as he stuttered out a ‘sure’. And then it hit him. Especially when he saw her surprised expression: his fan-account. “Wait!” Changbin stressed as he quickly took the phone from her, but she saw it already. The damage was done.

She must think that he’s a weirdo now. “You’re that sweet fan who’s been sending me all those nice messages?” Or not?

“Wait, you’ve read those?” “I’ve seen the account pop up in my DM’s quite a lot and I once accidently clicked on it and read the messages you wrote. I thought you would be able to see when I read a message you send, but I guess not. They really motivated me and they were truly the sweetest thing. My manager even teased me for having a secret admirer. Turns out that those nice emails and the sweet DM’s had a connection to each other.” Y/n said with endearing eyes to the guy in front of her.

“I guess you could say that I’m very fond of you.” Changbin shyly admits. “I’d say I’ve become quite fond of you too, but I still would like to know you better and maybe in the future work together one some music. You could say that I’m also a pretty big Stray Kids fan.” “Oh yeah, who’s your favourite then?” “Let me think, his name starts with a C and ends with an N.” “Chan?” Changbin blurts out sadly. “No silly, you Changbin.” She giggled.

Hyunjin: (Fan AU)

“You know you will never meet her, right.” Jeongin, Hyunjin’s best friend, teased. “Shut up! You don’t need to rub it in my face you know.” He sighed as he tried to push his younger friend in the bushes next to them. “I know that it’s a hard pill to swallow, but she’s an idol. We’re not from that world, it’s not likely for our roads to cross.” “But not impossible.” Hyunjin states as a matter of a fact, causing his younger friend to sigh.

“You’re impossible.” “I’m just living my life man, just let me be.” Hyunjin cried out dramatically as he tried to continue drawing during their break. They were seated outside of the campus grounds under a nice tree, sheltered from the sun as it shined brightly.

“I get that she’s a great artist-“ “The greatest artist of all time.” Hyunjin bummed in to correct. “We’ll see about that-“ “I’ll fight you baby bread-“ “Anyway! How’s your artwork going? I still can’t believe that you build a fanbase within Y/n’s fanbase based of your art.” “I know, I’m just so inspired by her and her music, her beauty. It’s all so overwhelming I just feel like she’s unreal sometimes.” Hyunjin sighed as he stared of into the distance. “And I feel like you are unreal sometimes.” Jeongin mumbles as he stared at his ridiculous friend.

“Got anything new planned to make?” “No, I only have this one drawing that I want to finish and post.” Hyunjin answered as they continued to enjoy the warmth of the sun. “Maybe you should find an actual job that pays you money, besides trying to sell your sketches or artwork that you make off miss Y/n.” Jeongin teased. “You’re starting to sounds like my mom. At least she’s supportive of me.” He cried out dramatically, before receiving a punch from his friend. “I’m just saying, you need to do something else besides dedicating your life and all of your time to her.” “I’m perfectly fine, honestly. Sleep is just a little-“ “Dude.” “I’m kidding.” Hyunjin assured. “Well, I hope you’re not lying, because I rather not find you in a hospital due exhaustion and I got to go now, I don’t have a free period like you.” “Actually, I’m already done for the day.” Hyunjin smiled as he started to pack up as well. “What the hell are you still doing here then?” Jeongin exclaimed. “Bothering you, got to go now! Good luck on your lecture!” Hyunjin chirped before walking off.

Hyunjin had gone home and started to work on his assignment and homework. Not necessarily because he was a great student. No, he really wanted to finish of the drawing he was talking about with Jeongin earlier that day.

And he did, but then he received a notification. His breath was caught in his throat. Y/n had posted an announcement that she was holding a special concert in Seoul, where he was living and breathing. Well, not so sure about breathing. Jeongin neither.

“Hyunjin breath!”  He yelled over the phone as Hyunjin had called him to rant. “I want to go so bad! But you know what the ticket sales are like!” Hyunjin cried out late at night. “Dude, just post your art for now and go to sleep. I have a test to study for-“ “But-“ “Goodnight!” Hyunjin groaned as he put his phone away and grabbed his laptop to post the artwork he had finished.

Hyunjin sighed and contemplated on sleeping in early tonight, or at least what he dares to call early at it was one o’clock already. But he decided to spam his group chat instead.

HJ: HAVE YOU SEEN HER ANNOUNCEMENT FL: IKR YJ: FELIX DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM HJ: HE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO TRULY UNDERSTANDS (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯) HJ: *sends a picture of one of the promo photo’s* YJ: Wait a minute FL: Jinnie I also saw your new art post! I loved it HJ: Thank youuu~ YJ: Are you two really going to ignore the fact that Y/n’s promo photo’s look a lot like Hyunjin’s art style? YJ: or….? HJ: ┌╏ º □ º ╏┐ FL: ┌╏ º □ º ╏┐ HJ: No it doesn’t YJ: DON’T YOU DARE START THIS BOII FL: BRUH HJ: YOU’RE SEEING THINGS MAN MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET SOME SLEEP YJ: YOU’RE THE ONE TO TALK FANBOY FL: BURRRRN HJ: DUDE DON’T GET ME STARTED ON YOU AND YOUR BINGE GAMING- FL: ...･ヾ(。￣□￣)ﾂ

A couple weeks had passed and Hyunjin got was in his room as usual as he checked his Instagram. He never bothered checking his notifications, but he wished he did. ‘Y/n_Official’ The account read.

‘It couldn’t be.’ Hyunjin muttered to himself. He checked the message and the account multiple times to see if it was legit. The young artist tried to calm himself as he read the message one last time:

‘Hi! I just want to say that I love the art that you make and I feel very humbled and flattered by it! I would love to meet you at one of the concerts that I’m holding soon. Please send your personal information to this email if you’re interested! If not, I totally understand. In that case I just wanted you to know that I really appreciate it! Thank you for supporting me!

With much love,

Y/n’

Hyunjin’s heart was about to malfunction or jump out of his chest he didn’t know. All he knew was that within the next two weeks he was now finally standing in front of his celebrity crush. Jeongin and Felix couldn’t believe how lucky their friend had gotten and even called it a fanfiction moment.

After the concert Hyunjin was taken backstage to where he’d be meeting Y/n. She had changed into a big hoodie and looked cute and comfortable. “So, you are the amazing artist behind these?” Y/n asked after they greeted each other. Hyunjin simply nodded due to his nervousness, causing his crush to giggle. “I can’t believe you’re hiding behind your own art when you yourself are stunning!” Y/n exclaimed as she shamelessly stared at the boy in front of her. “You’re the stunning one here.” Hyunjin mumbled to himself, but loud enough for her to hear. “Why don’t you give me your number I think we look stunning together, but I’d like to get to know you a little better. I would like to hear more about you instead of reading those sweet and supportive words you left for me under your artwork my pretty admirer.”

Hyunjin knew her confidence was unattainable, but that’s what he liked about her.

Jisung: (High School AU)

Jisung sprinted through the hallways after slipping a note in her locker. He caught his breath in the hopes that she hadn’t seen him. ‘You need to be careful, otherwise you’re going to get caught.’ He scolded himself.

This is the result of falling in love with your best friend. One day they’re hanging out together, cosy on their couch and Jisung stared at her.

‘Her lips are pretty when she pouts like that.’ ‘Has her eyes always been this sparkly?’ ‘Gosh she just looks so cute and cosy I want to hug her to death.’ ‘Her cheeks look very kissable- wait what.’

Right there and then, two months ago to be exact, he realized that he had the biggest crush on his very own best friend. Suddenly she shined brighter than the sun and the stars at night. She was the only one he could see in a not-too big crowd, Jisung doesn’t really like crowds that were too big. She’s so comforting and sweet, always there for him, as a friend.

Jisung sighed once again as he made his way to class where he’d be waiting for her to join her as they were desk-mates after all.

“Sungie~” She sang whilst walking towards her own seat next to him. “You look happy today, Y/n.” Jisung states as he wiggles his eyebrows. “Another note.” She sang once again as she waved the paper in his face. “Your secret admirer?” He teased, receiving a hum in responds.

“I wonder who it could be.” “I think I might have an idea who it could be.” Y/n mutters, causing Jisung’s heart to stop. “Who?” He managed to stutter out. “I hope it’s Hyunjin to be honest.”

The answer was like a dagger to Jisung’s heart. Never she had mentioned to have feelings for Hyunjin and why didn’t he know? He could feel his heart break little by little as seconds passed by. He wanted to run away and go home to hide in his bed, but he had an entire day of school to survive. Running wasn’t an option.

Y/n on the other hand, wasn’t being honest. She was well aware that her best friend has been crushing on her. He hasn’t been very subtle about it. He was always staring at her, hearts in his eyes as he did. Y/n had to contain herself into spilling her own love for her best friend to him as she was enjoying his tactics a little too much.

She caught him putting notes in her locker, she’d wait on the corner of the hallway so he won’t notice her, but he wasn’t fast enough.

Now, days later. Jisung was at home, he hadn’t gone to school ever since Y/n’s ‘confession’. He hadn’t been feeling well, physically and mentally. He felt drained and like no hope was left for his feelings. Y/n had missed him at school and decided to surprise him. And surprised he was as he jolted in his bed when he saw his best friend stand in the doorframe of his bedroom one afternoon.

“Why haven’t you been at school?” She asked blatantly. “I’ve been sick.” “You don’t look sick to me. You don’t feel hot either, your cheeks are glowing though.” She states as she cups his face, knowing exactly what she was doing. She knew why he was home, but she wanted to hear it from him and she was growing impatient. “I just haven’t been feeling well, okay?” Jisung mumbles as he shook his head a little to try and get her hands off his now-burning face.

“Because I said I hoped that the letters came from Hyunjin instead of you?” The words made Jisung spin. “What?” He stuttered, shocked at her blunt words once again. “Sungie, c’mon just say what I want to hear.” She whined as she dropped her hands on his shoulders. Looking at him in desperation. “What?” He stuttered once again, this time confused. “Sungie, I know you like me, but I want to hear it from you! I’m literally begging you at this point to confess to me.” Y/n chuckled in madness, she was losing her mind over her dense best friend who she has falling deeply for.

“You know? How-“ “You’re not very subtle mister so-called secret admirer.” She laughed, caressing his cheeks to calm him down. She could feel him shaking after all.

“But you…” He mutters whilst his voice trailed off. “Do you want me to say it?” His silent was his answer as he didn’t know what to expect. “Han Jisung, I like you. I like you more than a friend. I want to stay best friends, because you are my best friend. But I’ve fallen deeply for you and I have started to love you.” Y/n states in a soft tone, causing Jisung’s heart to skip a beat. “I love you too.” Was all he could say before he sat up and pressed his lips onto hers.

Lee Felix: (Idol AU)

As a foreigner and an idol in South Korea, Felix was still working on his Korean every day. He’d still learn and try to improve himself every day in order to ‘survive’ in Korea and to communicate with the locals.

And as he was doing that he tried to perfect his handwriting, which his members found cute. He didn’t know why, but he just had a certain way of writing that his member’s adored.

Felix might be an idol, but that doesn’t stop him from fanboying over his own favourite idols, which was Y/n. He had discovered her through a livestream that he was watching of a gamer that he really likes and he was surprised to see and Idol do stuff like this, she seemed to be free in whatever she wanted to do.

The freckled Aussie really liked that and he became curious about her. He wanted to know her name, but ends up falling into a pit that’s called her and now he’s pretty much stuck and whipped for her. He didn’t know how to approach her, he knew he could. He’s a public figure and so is she, but that made it tricky. He wanted to love and appreciate her, without her knowing who he was. What if she knew who he was and that she could possibly think that it could be a publicity stunt of some sort?

He had been overthinking the situation before it even had started. That’s when he started to send her flowers and handwritten letters or notes to her with words of adoration and praise. Y/n had received them all, today as well in her very own dressing room. She wondered who it could be and if the mysterious person ever wanted to show their face to her, she was curious to know who this romanticist could be. “Flowers once more?” Her stylist teases as Y/n had been busy reading the sweet letter over and over again, whilst the flowers had been resting in her arms. “It’s just so sweet and thoughtful, no one has ever done this for me. In a romantic way at least.” Y/n sighed, putting the gift away so her stylist could get to work. “I know you would like to meet your secret admirer badly, but on the brighter side your favourite group is here.” Her stylist chirps in hopes to cheer Y/n up just a little.

“Suzy stop, the girl isn’t going to let us hear the end of it once she starts about those 8.” Y/n’s makeup artist jokes. “You shh and make her even prettier, she has to meet her favourite people very soon.”

In the meantime Felix ‘only just now’ heard the news about Y/n being in the same building as they are for their promotion. “You already knew, didn’t you?” Chan simply asks after he didn’t get the reaction he hoped to receive. Felix simply nodded and hummed in responds, looking at his best friend with big and happy eyes.

The younger Aussie couldn’t sit still, he was all smiley and was very excited to hopefully meet Y/n today. He hadn’t stopped gushing about her and the boys all knew by now that Felix was hopelessly in love with this girl he’s never met before.

“Are you ready to MC with your favourite girl?” Chan teased as he shook his friend playfully. “I’m shaking,” was all Felix could say, causing his friend to laugh. “You’ll be fine. Plus, we better put on a memorable performance for her and the fans of course. Make sure she’ll never forget you.” Chan chuckled before letting his younger friend rehears his lines.

Felix ran through his notes once more as he was led to where they would be filming. His breath was caught in his throat when he spotted Y/n from the corner of his eye. Chan and his manager were across of him, sending him a thumbs up whilst staying to support him.

“Hello.” Y/n greeted cheerfully before bowing politely to Felix, whose knees were buckling. He bowed as well as he greeted her, receiving a smile from her. ‘Contain yourself Lix,’ he thought to himself before going through his notes once more. Y/n was trying to find the confidence to talk to Felix, but she couldn’t help but notice the small notes that he was busy reading and she recognised the handwriting.

“Did you write the notes?” The question made Felix freeze, but he quickly realised that she must meant the ones he’s holding, right? “Yes-“ “We need to talk- We’ll be right back! Felix needs to help me out with something!” Y/n said to the staff before dragging the freckled boy behind her.

“What wrong-“ “You’re the one who’s sending me love letters and flowers right?” Y/n asked bluntly. “What-“ “I recognise that handwriting anywhere, I’ve read this note already fifteen times and I only received it today.” Y/n states as she showed Felix the note she’s kept with her the entire time. “I… I don’t know what you’re-“ “Please don’t lie to me. It would make so much sense! You’re an idol! Your manager can get information on where I am when it comes to promotions! Not even fans know all of this! Besides, the handwriting is spot on!” Y/n stresses, wanting to know desperately if it is him or not.

“Lix?” The nickname. That was it. That was his breaking point. “Are you disappointed?” He asked carefully, not daring to look at her. Also for the reason hat his face was burning up from shyness and the adrenaline that was rushing through his body. “Of course I’m not disappointed, if anything I’m flattered and happy that you’re behind all these thoughtful and sweet gifts. They’re something that always made my day and if I felt down I’d just remember that there’s someone out there who’s so loving and caring that they would go all the way to do this for me. What if we talked more about this after promoting? I’d love to treat you for all the generosity you’ve given me.” Y/n proposed holding his hand, hopeful that he’d say yes.

And he accepted the offer within a heartbeat, knowing that today was definitely something that he won’t forget and that that performance wouldn’t have to swoop Y/n off her feet. He’s got her already.

Seungmin: (Non-idol AU/ Bakery AU)

There she was again.

Y/n, the girl who’s been coming by on a regular basis and Seungmin had lost it all for her, because of her. All her. He blamer her for losing his sanity.

Ever since the day she’s walked in for the first time, he started losing control. Everything seemed to go wrong whenever she was around him. It was like she has put a spell on him. He always became noticeably clumsier whenever she was around, his colleagues have discovered the pattern as well and they couldn’t help but tease Seungmin for it whenever she walked into the bakery.

“Could you not drop the cakes mister Seungmin.” His boss laughed, which was Chan, a good friend of him as well. “Stop it, I don’t know why this keeps happening as well, okay?” Seungmin mutters, slightly frustrated as he picked up the now-ruined cake off the floor that he had dropped. “When are you going to confess to her? She must have noticed the small things you’ve done for her to show that you like her? You know, giving her a free drink or giving her extra things with her order?” Chan sang playfully.

“What? I don’t do that.” Seungmin scoffed in denial. “Yeah sure, that’s why you never give other customers extras.” Chan laughed, before patting the youngster, who could only sigh.

He took a quick glance of Y/n, who was sitting in her usual booth. She was hidden behind her laptop and was writing down things in her notebook. ‘Probably studying’, he thought to himself as he tried to continue working.

What he didn’t notice was that Y/n was peeking from behind her laptop to look if Seungmin was still there. She sighed and sat back. She’s been coming here regularly and not only because of the amazing pastries and drinks the bakery sold, but also cause there’s a cute employee who works here: Seungmin.

She’s been ranting to her friends about this cute boy for ages, but never had she the confidence to actually talk to him or to ask him out. She has been noticing odd behaviour coming from Seungmin’s side. He’s been stumbling over his words whenever she was in front of him, whenever other people didn’t seem to have the same experience as her.

Y/n also couldn’t help but notice the small extras he’s been giving her. ‘Keep him.’ Is what her best friend had said as soon as she mentioned the extra and free goodies from the bakery. ‘How come you never bring me stuff if you’re going to get it for free?’ ‘I’m not getting all of it for free, just something. And if you want to taste it, come see it for yourself.’ So that was it, she was not nervously waiting for her best friend to arrive as she tried not to burn holes into Seungmin’s head as she secretly stared at him.

Lucky for her, he didn’t notice. He might be just as dense as her for not noticing the mutual pining. When Y/n best friend Minho walked in and sat beside her, he noticed it within the heartbeat. “Just tell him!” Minho yelled in a whisper after hearing her rant on how cute Seungmin looks today.

In the meantime Chan was listening to his younger friend on how he might’ve lost his chance as he saw his crush sitting with another guy in her usual booth. “Just tell her!” Chan whined, taking matters in his own hand as he pushed Seungmin towards her.

Minho was doing just the same to his best friend, causing the two crushes to fall into each other. “Well, we’re going to leave you be.” Minho states, before walking off with Chan, in hopes that the two of them would finally confess so everyone could go on with their lives.

“Hi.” Y/n mutters shyly as she stood across from him. “I like you.” He blurted out, causing both of their eyes widen in shock at his forward confession. “I’m sorry-“ “I like you too!” She squeaked, not being able to look him in the eye. “Thank God, I’m not very good at being a secret admirer. I’d rather be your boyfriend.” He blurted out with newfound confidence. “Take me on a date first.” Y/n grinned, happy that he felt the same, applies for Chan and Minho as well. They wouldn’t have to hear about their rants of the other hopefully liking them, instead they now must deal with a lovey-dovey couple. But, that seemed manageable.

Jeongin: (High School AU)

“You even received a muffin this time Y/n!” One of her classmates yelled through the classroom as soon as Y/n walked into the room.

Y/n had been receiving cartons of milk every morning with either a cute sticker on it or a sticky note with encouraging words. At first she found it very sweet, but after a while the notes became more emotional and more loving.

The class as well as Y/n had realised that she had a secret admirer. She’d say that it’s pretty exciting and flattering, but with the entire class and her own schoolyear watching her, it’s a little overwhelming to get all the curious eyes pointed at her.

Y/n put down her stuff and went to sit down before she read the note that was attached to the carton of banana milk. ‘You look lovely today! Even though I haven’t seen you yet, you’re always the one who embodies beauty. You’re doing great! Have a nice day <3’

Y/n sighed in adoration, the notes were so sweet and she kept all of them in a little box at home where no one could touch them.

Eventually, class had started and she caught someone staring at her. It was Jeongin. He was pretty quiet compared to the rest of the class. He was usually to himself as most of his friends were in a different class and since his older friend had already graduated. Jeongin didn’t notice the fact that she had caught him red-handed and it caused him to blush harshly as he quickly shot his gaze away from her.

Y/n never really paid attention to Jeongin as they weren’t close, but she had to say he’s very good-looking.

Days went by and the cartons with milk and adoration notes continued. One day, Y/n decided to go to school early so she could study for the test they were having that day. When she was about to enter her classroom, she saw Jeongin standing at her desk, with a familiar carton in his hand.

“Jeongin?” She asked, causing the boy to jump up in surprise. “Hi! Good morning Y/n.” He stuttered as he placed the carton back on her desk. “What are you doing at my desk?” “I… I was curious on what was on the note from your secret admirer. I’m sorry I shouldn’t go through your stuff. I’ll go for now.” Before Y/n could tell him that it was alright, he had already ran out of the room.

Y/n didn’t think too much of it and sat down to study, but before she did that she was curious as well to see what her secret admirer had to say to her today. ‘It’s like you’re becoming more beautiful every day, more talented, more loving. It’s almost unfair. Also, I know you’ll do your best on your test today! I’ll be rooting for you! <3’

The message of the note had been on her mind the entire time before class started, she only jolted out of her train of thoughts when the teacher asked her to hand out the tests. After she did that the test soon enough started and ended just as fast.

She was worried if she had done well or not, she’d have to wait until the results. “Y/n, could you please collect the tests and place them on my desk?” The teacher asked her, before she got up and did as she was asked to.

Her mind was still worried about the test that had just taken place as she went by every student’s desk, but her eyes caught something familiar when she picked up Jeongin’s test. The handwriting, why was it so familiar? Could it be… him?

She would’ve never thought that Jeongin would like her, or that he was capable of saying so many thoughtful, encouraging and flattering words, as he usually wasn’t the one to talk that much during class. Or to her.

Class soon ended and she went out to find Jeongin. He has been avoiding her since this morning when she caught him at her desk. It made sense to Y/n the more he thought about it. He had the same carton of milk on his desk every morning. It might be a popular brand, but still it couldn’t be a coincidence.

She found Jeongin outside with his friends and she took a deep breath before tapping him on his shoulder. Jeongin froze at the sudden touch and turned around slowly, only for him to widen his eyes in shock as soon as he saw her.

“Y/n?” “Can I talk to you for a moment?” She asked. Jeongin agreed and soon followed her to somewhere more retreated. “Is everything okay?” He asked slightly worried, feeling his heart pound in his chest as he was standing, for the first time, across his crush.

“Are you the one who gives me the milk cartons every morning with the notes?” Y/n blurted out after minutes of awkward silence. “I…” “I’m not sure if it’s actually you, but it makes sense to me. You always drink the same brand as the milk carton I receive every morning. Besides, I caught you at staring at me the other day. Plus, I caught you at my desk this morning way before school actually started.” “Uhm…” Jeongin didn’t know what to say, there was a big lump stuck in his throat, because he knew he was caught.

Again.

“If it’s not you then I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m really wondering at this point who this person is. I wanted to thank them for everything, from the beverages to the lovely notes-“ “They are from me.” Jeongin blurted out, causing him to smack his hands over his mouth in shock by his own confession. “They are?” Y/n asked surprised. The boy in front of her only nodded shyly, hoping that he wasn’t going to be rejected too harshly.

“Please don’t reject me too harsh.” He asked as he bowed politely, surprising Y/n once more. “Who said I was going to reject you?” She giggled. “You aren’t?” He asked. Him being the surprised one this time. “Of course not! I would love to get to know you, maybe we could hang out after school some more and see where this goes?” Y/n proposed with a smile. “I would love that.” “Good, I’ll get to thank you for these thoughtful gifts after all this time.”

Gifs aren’t mine.

[dinosaurtsukki]

haikyuu!! music idol au (nekoma and fukurodani vers.)

i haven’t actually posted some hc’s in a while because i’ve been reading the manga but i hope you guys enjoy this surprise !! also check out the karasuno vers. and seijoh and shiratorizawa vers. for more music idol au’s 

TOKYO IDOLS ENTERTAINMENT

(this may or may not be the last of this series, maybe I’ll make one for inarizaki and date tech who knows?)

Also I hope y’all are ready for me Badly Titling Things Again

Okay so they’re both under Tokyo Idols Entertainment

Hah that wasn’t so bad was it just wait for it

Stray Cats and OWL6

This blogger’s brain cells are so fried that they’ve now resorted to puns

sO THEY’RE BOTH UNDER TOKYO IDOLS AND THEY’RE REALLY AMAZING GROUPS AND THEIR TALENT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SHITTY GROUP NAMES

anyway so it was set up by Nekomata and they’ve been pretty good at producing groups over the years but their biggest hits have been their two recent groups

both of them actually started at the same time but they work with quite different concepts and have different dynamics

but they tend to collab and interact with each other a lot which the fans love

so lets get into the groups

Stray Cats - Nekoma

their leader is Kuroo ofc and they work with a lot of bad boy/edgy concepts and their music is more on the hip-hop and R&B side

a lot of their music videos and outfits are in the black-and-white with pops of red, blue, and yellow

you think the fans would get tired of seeing them in matching suits and leather jackets but no

anyway, Kuroo’s they’re leader who’s also main rapper, dancer, and visuals

he actually started out as a vocalist but since Stray Cats was going to be more of a hip-hop group he eventually picked up rapping (although those who have Deeply Analyzed the backing vocals for some of their tracks claim that Kuroo’s vocals will save the world)

his dancing looks super fluid and natural because he also tried ballet dancing at one point

sometimes he films himself practicing and shows off by wearing stilettos and not once tripping over himself

kai and yaku were his fellow trainees and just like in the manga, kuroo and yaku did not get along and kai had to be there to make sure no one died

kuroo and yaku were quite competitive with their dancing but eventually they realized that the fans loved their dynamic during their dances and worked together for once

their choreos almost always involve someone carrying yaku on their shoulders

he’s also another main rapper and he’s really good at a variety of styles

he’s also the mom of the group and likes to check on everyone before going live

the one who trains the more inexperienced members with their choreography and while he’s very much a perfectionist, he’s also the one who reassures them when they make a mistake on a live stage

kai is actually the genius behind most of their songs because his producer skills are mad crazy he’s been invited to collab with so many other artists (including the wonderful Kiyoko-san)

kuroo and yaku have no idea what goes on in his head but it’s probably music

they always make sure that kai gets enough sleep and is eating right when he’s working on an album

his dancing is pretty solid but he’s more well-known for being a main rapper and his smooth, sultry voice during the chorus that gives everyone eargasms

next we have kenma who’s one of the few main vocalists of the group

his voice is a nice tenor and he can hit a good amount of the high notes

can harmonize like it’s nobody’s business

he and kuroo had been friends since they were practically born and while kuroo dreamed of becoming a music idol onstage, kenma was more interested in songwriting and producing music

he joined Tokyo Idols for the opportunity to be a producer but Nekomata was like ‘why not be an idol?’ and kenma was like ‘no, I’ll have to dance’

he was then persuaded by kuroo and kenma decided to do some vocal training to make up for not wanting to move around so much

so, most of the time, he’s in the back and during his turn in the chorus he’ll make a bit of an appearance

he has done a few live solo performances but he’s playing the piano in them so he doesn’t have to look at the audience so much

he loves working with kai in the studio more than anything

doesn’t have a social media account because he doesn’t want to see how the fans talk about him (they mostly say good stuff though!)

now we have taketora who’s the main rapper of the group as well

this guy is an expert beatboxer and he does a very good job of hyping up the crowd

his rap is the kind that even fires up his teammates and they always let him know that he did a good job after every performance

he actually has a good amount of tattoos on his arms and he used to cover them with long-sleeves but the fans love them arms and the tattoos even more so

#MakeTaketoraSleeveless movement on Twitter thus begins

Taketora was super flattered but okay with it

Fukunaga is another main vocalist and he has a very deep voice that blends really well with his fellow vocalists

His voice doesn’t stand out that much and he doesn’t have a lot of solos but Stray Cats’ specialty is really blending their vocals (aside from their rappers and dancers)

And you can also definitely notice a difference when Fukunaga isn’t singing a part

He’s also the kind of dancer who does a lot of cartwheel and flip-like stunts that come in during the dance breaks

Has this habit of staring blankly in the distance during group interviews and fans make memes using his face

He also likes messing with his senpai’s but they all blame lev and don’t suspect a thing with Fukunaga (well, that’s until he posts the video)

Lastly, we have lev who is the youngest among all of them and also main vocalist and visuals

He has a nice baritone voice and he does most of the singing in the chorus but tends to get a bit lost when Fukunaga and Kenma come in

A lot of his time is spent practicing how to not get lost when people are harmonizing with him, especially since that’s what Stray Cat’s known for

He actually came in a bit late, like after the group had its first debut since they felt like they needed another vocalist

Lev also has a natural talent when it comes to dancing so Nekomata added him to the group

It was a bit difficult integrating him into the group but he also added onto the overall chemistry as the baby of the group

As much as they know he makes mistakes, his senpais always congratulate Lev on how far he’s come

No one wants to admit that he gets handsomer by the day because it will add to his ego but the fans do enough of that

OWL6 - fukurodani

They only have four members (because idk a lot about all the members and I also wanted to have like a four-person group)

JUST BECAUSE THERE’S A NUMBER 6 IN THE NAME OF THE GROUP DOESN’T MEAN THAT’S HOW MANY MEMBERS THERE ARE *glares at SEVENTEEN* *also I ended up looking up how many members there are in Day6 and now I feel bad I’m sorry day6 fans*

aNYWAY

They’re a very small group since Tokyo Idol wanted to try out having a four-person group

They don’t really have a singular kind of aesthetic or style like Stray Cats does but work with a variety of them

They do a good number of lively pop songs as well as ballads for the b-side tracks

They’re also made up of four vocalists, two of which also know how to rap, and are overall pretty solid

Bokuto’s their leader (even though its mostly Akaashi who holds the group together) but he speaks a lot for the group during interviews

He’s main vocalist, main dancer, and also main visual

His stage presence is astounding especially with his natural talent for dancing and his stamina is endless

He can sing really well even busting out the hardest dance moves

Although he’s unquestionably talented, he does get hit hard by online haters and will shut himself in the dance studio to practice until everyone drags him out

He’s super endearing and sweet around his fans, he’ll remember a fan that he saw more than once and send letters in response to fanmail

Bokuto’s known for being super clumsy though and he has destroyed a mic or his clothes or someone else’s clothes more than once

Once tripped on the way when OWL6 was about to receive an award

Sarukui is another main vocalist and rapper

His voice is quite deep but it sounds really melodic and unique that anyone could tell when he’s singing

Also knows a thing or two about music production and has helped produce a few of their tracks

He’s the one assigned to saying ‘That’s our leader!’ to Bokuto when he’s feeling down

Also responsible for the ‘Bokuto and Akaashi are dating’ prank on Twitter that became a whole thing

A shitposter, basically

Konoha Akinori is once again our jack of all trades, especially since he’s rapper, dancer, vocalist, and visuals

I would say that his back hurts from carrying OWL6 but each member knows how to hold their own

His back just hurts from curling up like a shrimp when he’s asleep

He gets a lot of lines because of this and fans love it when he leads the dance breaks, that being said he’s also tired all the time

Konoha has fallen asleep in interviews more than once and Sarukui takes the pictures of him

Because of his jack of all trades nature he also has a lot of weird, random talents that he likes to showcase in variety shows

These weird talents range from being able to name all of the countries in Europe backwards to being able to make a slingshot using his feet and a rubber band

It’s always something new with him

Everyone cheers him on except for Akaashi who’s soul has left his body

And last but definitely not the least, we have the youngest in the group, Akaashi, who’s also main vocals and visual

Everyone in OWL6 agree that Akaashi is the prettiest among them  

He also has such a sweet and beautiful voice that gives everyone eargasms

Sometimes everyone has to stop dancing during practice whenever they hear Akaashi sing

He also does a lot of vocal covers that he posts online and has released a few solo albums since he’s always working on making new music

Although everyone knows that he’d also do really well as a solo artist, Akaashi knows that his members were the reason why he wanted to debut in the first place and it just wouldn’t be the same without them

Extra HC’s for Stray Cats and OWL6

Kuroo and Bokuto have been friends since their trainee years and even though they were disappointed about not debuting in the same group they agreed to collab on a lot of things

During award shows they like to have a performance together, most often a dance cover, until Akaashi and Kenma decided to help out by writing a song for the two of them to perform

The members of both groups like to sneak into each other’s dorms because the more the merrier and they share and order food

Yaku and Kai actually like staying in the OWL6 dorms more because its quieter (since Lev and Tora aren’t there) but change their mind when they see Bokuto

Eventually they divided the dorms into ‘the quiet people’ and ‘the noisy people’

Both of the groups love doing those Halloween performances and dressing up really scary with the same level of production and everything

None of those cutesy costumes, Fukunaga will straight up come in a headless man costume and Sarukui brings a fake chainsaw with him

Some of them like to do really weird costumes though like Lev dressing up as a bottle of vodka and Konoha coming in dressed as Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street

Sometimes the fans just don’t know what goes on in their heads

Kai tends to get a lot of awards for his producing skills but the first time he did Stray Cats came onstage with him and basically cried all around him while Kai tried to do his speech

They also like to mess around in the comments section when another group is doing a VLive

For example, Kuroo commented ‘send feet pics’ during one of OWL6’s lives and Bokuto retaliated by uploading the ugly selfies that Kuroo takes on his phone

They also either make up the fanchants or memorize each other’s fanchants for the songs

Yahaba, watching Stray Cats doing the fanchant for OWL6′s song: why can’t we be like that?

Iwaizumi: because we have Oikawa

Oikawa: IT’S NOT MY FAULT IT’S USHIWAKA 

[sketch12artist]

Alptraum

4. Puss in Boots: Part Two

As soon as the demon had left, the large rat reappeared, bursting through the French doors that led to the balcony. Timothy bolted for the door, rat following close behind. He swore that it was trying to nip his heels as he ran down the corridor. He also swore that the corridor seemed to be getting longer in length, but he couldn’t tell for certain.

It felt like forever before he almost tripped down the stairs and into the right corridor. He could still hear the skittering footsteps of the rat as he fumbled the doorknob, locking the door. Again the rat was left scratching at the oak door, but this time it was starting to splinter beneath the rat's paws. Panic started to coil around Timothy's heart and lungs, constricting painfully.

Where could he go? He didn’t want to die!

The key ring—it had to unlock some other doors!

The first door he ran to was a heavier-looking oak one, but none of the keys he hastily crammed in worked. The rat’s claws were starting to poke through the door, and Timothy ran to a weaker-looking door, wanting something—anything—between him and the rat.

No. . . no. . . no. . . yes! One the keys slid smoothly in, unlocking with a satisfying click. He stumbled into a large dining room, so eager to escape he was. He shut the door behind him just in the nick of time as the rat ran down the hall, shrill squeaks filling the air. Its cries faded, then were gone as if snatched from the air.

Timothy was still for a few moments, not believing his good fortune. The silence was more terrifying to him than any of the squeaks of the rat. It had to be hiding somewhere, maybe waiting for him to lower his guard so that it could sneak up on him and try again. But when the minute hand of a nearby clock went from 3 to 4 ½ and the rat didn’t appear, he began to explore.

The dining hall was spacious and cozy, with a large fireplace at the farthest wall. The main focus was the long table, enough to sit 30 people at a time, furnished with a creamy-white tablecloth and fine china dishes. A smaller table filled with fresh scones and small cakes was next to the main table, as if someone was in the process of setting up a buffet. Timothy’s stomach growled.

Tsubasa hadn’t said anything about meals, and so Timothy warily approached the desserts fully expecting a surprise appearance from the demon. . .or the rat. Chocolates could only keep him full for so long, so it would be nice if he could get something a bit more filling.

He snatched up a decent-looking chocolate cake slice, not caring about the mess he'd be scolded for as he stuffed it into his mouth.

Ugh. Too sweet.

He wiped his mouth on his jacket sleeve, grimacing at the taste. Whoever the cook was, they had a poor concept on what chocolate cake should taste like.

Timothy heard something from behind a door he hadn't noticed earlier, probably leading the kitchen. It was muffled, but he was sure he heard some yowling and yelling. Then it suddenly stopped and the doorknob began to turn. The only decent place to hide was underneath the main table, so he quickly dove under and went still.

The rhythmic beating of Timothy’s heart was as loud as a parade drum to him. He feared that it would gain the attention of whoever or whatever was behind that door. A grey hem came into view, swiftly moving parallel to the table.

"Mangy cat. . .don't know why she bothers keeping it around," an old woman's voice grumbled as the grey hem passed by Timothy's hiding place.

Timothy didn't move until he heard the door slam and the footsteps fade. He bolted for the kitchen door and carefully peered in to see if anyone was inside. No one was, so he emerged and made his way to the kitchen door. The cat was somewhere inside, otherwise the old crone wouldn’t have mentioned it. Hopefully she hadn’t shooed it outside.

What greeted him behind the door wasn’t what he was expecting. A small booklet lay on the floor in front of him, protected by a piece of cardstock the same color as his mother’s diary. He picked it up.

28. November

Went to feast yesterday. Heinrich slipped me some extra dessert. I think Mother saw what he did, because she pouted the rest of the night.

Siebel says brother couldn’t make it because of his job. I’m not sure what he does. All I hear about is ‘basic training’ and ‘navy’ and ‘national pride’. I don’t know what cloth dye has to do with pride.

29. November

Spent the day in my room. The imps were playing outside in the snow. When they saw me, they ran off.

2. December

Can’t play the piano properly anymore. The sounds all form the same melody.

Everyone wants me to keep playing. I get scolded for missing even a day. They say it’s good because I talk more often and sometimes smile.

But I only smile because it’s Heinrich’s voice that sings to the piano whenever I play.

6. December

We met at night.

This must be a gift from God! Even now my heart feels as if a spark has been set to dry tinder. What if I burn up?

I’ve seen his face so often, but every time we meet it’s like the first time. I can still feel those grey eyes, rimmed with glasses, on me. Even when I sleep.

Heinrich says he can take me away from here. But as long as I have him I don’t care where I am.

11. December

Mother is angry.

She forbade me to see him. My Heinrich.

Why?

Her eyes were as cold as ice, and she didn’t say anything. The head doctor switched out Heinrich for a nurse.

Why?

Why why why?

Timothy shuddered and tossed the book away from him. So that’s why his aunt seemed to disapprove of Father and Mother’s union. Father was her doctor, but what was he treating her for?

A sharp yowl brought him away from his thoughts. Of course, he forgot about the cat.

One of the barrels was shaking, and with little consideration for what might be inside that wasn't the cat Timothy popped the lid open. The cat immediately jumped out and began to groom itself. It seemed grateful for his help.

“You’re welcome.” Timothy pet the cat as it rubbed itself against his stockings. It felt nice to have a companion again.

The cat straightened up, then dashed towards the door before running back to him. It did that a few times before Timothy opened the door. The same thing happened in the dining room and to the door to the foyer. Now the cat was running up and down the stairs.

“Are you leading me somewhere?” Timothy looked down as the cat stopped in front of him.

“Mew!”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He followed the cat upstairs. “What is there that you want me to see so bad?”

The cat led him back to the room Timothy had woken up in, then scratched at the french doors. Soon enough the key right was taken out and the keys tested. Like before only one key worked, so now two of the five keys had a purpose.

Timothy pushed open the French doors and stepped onto the spacious balcony. The sight of a large greenhouse garden met his eyes. For some reason, it seemed to be attached to this part of the house. He could hear birdsong, but couldn’t see the bird.

“Mew!” The cat tugged at his trousers before running to another door on the balcony. It must lead to another room of sorts, considering the history. . . .

He briskly shook his head. He didn’t know of any history.

The cat dashed into the plain room as soon as he opened the door, jumping on top of a safety deposit box. There was a note tucked under its paws: ‘Start with the most expensive.’

The most expensive what?

Timothy looked up at the cat and it hopped onto the bed, off of a bookmark that someone had taken notes on.

‘Heart: 110,000£, Eyes: 1,500£, Tooth: 1,000£, Blood: 300£.’

There didn’t seem to be anything else, but the box only went up to four. Something had to be missing. The cat didn’t seem to know anything else, so he would have to find out a solution on his own. Maybe he was supposed to add all the numbers together? Multiply them? Raise them to the second power?

Suddenly the room was being torn up as the young boy searched desperately for clues. There had to be something he had missed. There just had to be.

“Mew!” The cat interrupted his frantic searching.

Timothy looked at the cat as it sat next to the deposit box, nudging it open with a paw. He could see the combination used: 1113. Now he felt foolish. It looked like it had been a simple matter of taking the first number and plugging them in the right order from greatest to least expensive. Inside was a paint covered key and a page for Puss in Boots.

So this is what the cat wanted him to find?

He didn’t have much time to contemplate it as the giant rat made an appearance once again, bursting from the floorboards. The cat sprung between it and the boy, shooting him a look that clearly said to flee. In this case, there was no choice.

Again Timothy fled out of the room, soon finding himself in the hallway as the shrieks and yowls filled the air. His heart joined the chaotic orchestra, booming loudly as he ran. He tripped over the stairs, landing on his bottom before picking himself up and running back into the dining room. As soon as he closed the door, someone started pounding on it. Whoever it was sounded old, angry, and Timothy didn’t want to stick around.

Into the kitchen he fled, slamming the heavy door shut. The paint covered key was in his hands now as he tried to scratch the paint off. It had to be important if the cat had solved a puzzle for him and the rat had shown up.

Then as if by magic Timothy found a door in the kitchen that led outside. He could barely make out the small pond from earlier. He impatiently shoved the key in and unlocked the door, stumbling out into the private garden.

But all was not well. Next to the pond lay the rat, dead, eyes bulging from their sockets and stomach torn out. The scent of blood permeated the air, thick and hazy.

Timothy threw up. When he straightened up the rat was gone and in its place was an old woman wearing a grey dress. The sight caused him to throw up again. Eventually his stomach had nothing left to expel and he wiped his mouth on his jacket sleeve.

Beside the small pond was a patch of recently disturbed dirt. Almost in a haze, Timothy knelt down and dug at that spot and uncovered a small tin box. He opened it to reveal another small booklet and more Puss in Boots pages, the final pages in fact.

With trembling hands he opened the booklet.

2. February

Don’t want to take medicine anymore.

3. February

So cold.

4. February

What to write about?

5. February

So cold so cold so cold.

6. February

Must think of a way out before snow stops.

7. February

Siebel is here. He brought Heinrich.

9. February

Heinrich says he’ll save me.

10. February

We left Mother by the pond.

Timothy’s blood ran cold at the diary entries in front of him. So his mother had gone mad, or if not at this point then later. And the rat, the old woman, was his grandmother. But why had she been a rat?

Shakily, he brought out the papers he’d found earlier and read them together with the final pages of Puss in Boots.

‘Crunch crunch crunch.

The cat ate the guard.

Crunch crunch crunch.

The cat ate the jailer.

Crunch crunch crunch.

The cat ate the monster rat.

And the miller’s son and the princess lived happily ever after, but not really.’

[storiesbyaya]

Story Of A Hero- 21

{First}{Previous}{Mobile}{Next}

[K@]- So we never got to have that convo! Sorry, bug

[Will]- I don’t think any of us expected Angel.

[K@]- Right? [K@]- Anyways dad said you were looking for the research data from the labs?

[Will]- Yes. I’m sorry, I know it’s likely not a subject you want to remember, but he said you were the only one who knew anything about it.

[K@]- Not everyone involved got arrested, so I’m sure some of that trash has backups or whatnot, but they’re absolutely not people I want anywhere near you [K@]- That aside, I had someone I trust encrypt all of the data. Kinda naive, I admit, but I just… wanted it all to go away. I wanted everything to do with what had happened to just go away.

[Will]-  You didn’t have it erased or destroyed or something?

[K@]- I wanted to, but Tess convinced me that maybe locking it all away where no one else could get to it would be better… [K@]-  Oh, hey! Ironic! Tess is Jazz’s big sister! Small world!

[Will]- Or small town? She did mention something about her sister being a hacker. I didn’t know you were friends.

[K@]-  Friends… Not really? We shared the same room, but I’ve only seen her at Toplook pro competitions from time to time since [K@]- Outside of that, she’s really reserved

[Will]- Well, I guess that makes it difficult to ask her about the files.

[K@]- Sorry kiddo. I’ll keep an eye out to see when the next tournament is. Maybe I can catch her?

William sighed. This was beginning to feel like a wild goose chase, and he was wondering if it was really worth it. Yes, he was curious about their research, but he didn’t even know what it contained. It could be useful, or it could be like Josef Mengel’s experiments. People die when you kill them! Or pit them against monsters! A notification popped up on his screen. A new episode of video game science? But it was Saturday, not Tuesday… Still, this episode was “The gravity of the situation- Science behind the gravity gun!”

Maybe it would be nice to get his mind off of all of this for a little while.

They’d finished biology and were moving on to physics in his science class, which was his field of expertise. Maybe he should bookmark this video and show it to Percy- He was very intelligent, but he just… learned differently than others, and using things that he liked, such as video games, often helped him learn even the most difficult of concepts. It was also unlikely that Percy knew the episode had come out today instead of on Tuesday (as a celebration for a follower milestone), so William picked up his phone. When he opened it, it was still on the screen for the conversation with his sister, and so the two threads in his brain connected. School. Data. Research.

[Will]- I can ask Jazz on Monday to tell her sister I need to talk to her?

[K@]- Oh, duh! That also works! Smarty pants!

[Will]- But… I imagine she would be cautious and not believe anyone who just comes up to her and says they have permission to look at the files, right?

[K@] True. Hang on. [K@]- William Kray has my (Katherine Kray, KX-073) express permission to acquire access to any of the “Kray Laboratory for Adex Research”’s data, in its raw, unencrypted form, from Tessa Peony Nichols (KX-072).

[??] Acknowledged!!!- PNϟ

William’s eyes widened in shock at the message. The icon was not the rounded picture of his sister he was used to seeing. It was an electric bolt in a lime green circle. Holding down on the message and looking at the message details revealed no contact number whatsoever. And then another message appeared, from the same icon.

[??]- Info- Unless you mention my name and ID again, no further monitoring of this conversation will occur. Thank you for your understanding! <3 -PNϟ [??]- See you soon, William. -PNϟ

[K@]- Wow. I didn’t think that would work. Neat.

[Will]- What? How does someone even do that?

[K@]- At this point, I’ve just stopped asking. But I can’t say I blame her, being paranoid to the point that she monitors everything for her full name… Then again, I’m not afraid of anyone coming after me anymore. [K@]- I can take them.

William almost expected Tess to come back and say that she wasn’t paranoid or something of the likes, but it seemed like, despite butting into their conversation, she was true to her word about not looking at their conversation any further. The two messages had vanished when he went back to look at them, and if it weren’t for Kat having seen and acknowledged them too, he would have wondered if they were ever there to begin with.

-x-x-x

Kat let out a snort. “That’s typical,” she said to her phone, and Wesley turned to her, confused. She saw the movement and, when she looked over at him, also saw the confusion. “Oh. Tess responds to her name like it’s some kind of bat symbol! She-” Kat went to show him the messages, but they were gone. She frowned at her phone. “Oh. She deleted them. But they were there. I guess she… didn’t want us tracing them? Kinda funny. I’m awful with tech.” “Yeah, but William isn’t… Though how she would know that, I wouldn’t know.” Kat shrugged, and put her phone back in her pocket, leaning back where she sat on the roof to look at the grey November sky. “We shared a room during the experiments… Talked about what we loved, what was waiting for us outside to stay sane. I told her about Will… How he’s always been such a smart kid. Proud big sister shit, you know? Or… Maybe not, you don’t have any other siblings. But-” “I get it,” Wesley reassured her. Yes, he had no siblings, but he’d spent so much time around Kat and William, and their family… It almost felt like he was apart of it, especially now that he even lived in their house. He’d been around Will long enough to feel pride. And he’d been around Kat enough to know that the forlorn expression in her eyes meant she was falling back into thoughts of the things she had been through. So he cleared his throat. “Oh hey, it’s Saturday. Doesn’t Cafe Nocturna have that 2 for 1 hot chocolate thing going on? Think we can get there using just these rooftops?” Her eyes seemed to light up, and she hopped up onto her feet, offering him a hand to stand up as well with a crooked smile. “Hell yeah I can! The question is… Can you, Rivers?” She exclaimed, loud and confident. “I mean, probably not as quickly as you can, but yes. Yes I can.” Her smile grew at his confidence. It was so nice to hear Wesley affirm that he could do something. She gave him a thumbs up, a proud gesture that could also be interpreted as a “Let’s go!”, and hopped to the next rooftop.

To her surprise, Wesley didn’t bridge the gap. Rather, he did the same, and supplemented his jump with an ice ramp. “That’s new,” she commented, holding a hand out so that he wouldn’t trip or continue forwards too far. “Yeah! I’ve been working on that. Less energy expended means more energy when I need it, right?” “Yup!” She agreed cheerfully.

They proceeded like this down the street, laughing all the while. It was like being children again and playing leapfrog, but with a goal in mind- Their favorite little cafe. They entered the building, but before they got in line, Wesley stopped them. “Hang on. I’m just going to check to make sure I can,” he said. Kat rolled her eyes. “Two for one means one’s free, and I have a-” Wesley’s expression interrupted her. His eyes were wide, and he was frantically checking his pockets. Both were entirely empty. “My… I dropped my phone. And- my wallet, and my keys, and” As he began to tense up and panic, Kat placed a hand on his shoulder, and led him out of the cafe. She knew that he hated having meltdowns in public places, especially ones that he visited so frequently. It took forever to convince him to come back to places. “Hey. We’ll find them. With any luck, they just… fell on one of the rooftops. Literally no one else goes there. I’ll check the rooftops. You can check the alleys, but I doubt they’ll be there. We can meet back together at street level where we started. Alright?” Wesley sighed shakily, trying to release the building anxiety.

He hoped Kat found them and not him. The moment she was gone, the anxiety built back up. A fall from even the shortest of buildings they had been to would have destroyed his phone. A phone that he needed. He was a jobless college student. A jobless college student who had just applied to a position to change that, but, without a phone, would never be able to hear back from that job, and his current joblessness meant that he did not have the funds to replace that phone. And he’d miss school, because he didn’t have an alarm clock, and no- He couldn’t ask Kero or Bayesh to get him an alarm clock, they were already doing so much for him and!

So lost in his thoughts, with eyes trained to the gravely alleys, Wesley did not notice the figure standing near him until it cleared its throat. A figure with familiar golden eyes. He jumped, nearly fell, but managed to stop himself. He stared at the figure, still struggling to see beneath the hood that obscured his face. At this point, Wesley wondered if it was magic that kept the other hidden. But then he moved, and Wesley’s eyes looked at the outstretched hands. His keys. His wallet. And his phone, with its little whale charm. “Why… Why do you have my stuff?” Wesley asked. The figure moved slowly, eyes trained on him. It felt like he could see right through him, and it made him shake… And then, his things were placed on the ground, and the golden eyed boy vanished in a puff of black smoke. Taken aback, Wesley blinked a few times, then sighed, retrieving his items. His keys were in order, all of his cards were there, and most importantly, his phone was not damaged. Well. Not damaged any more than it already was. He looked back to where the figure had stood just moments before.

What a weird stalker he had. He couldn’t figure out the other’s intentions. Was he good, finding his phone for him and encouraging him to stop the fire… or was he bad? Did he know that Wesley’s helping in that fire would cause his mom to snap? No. He couldn’t possibly have known that. Even he hadn’t known that.

With a sigh, he decided not to tell Kat about his encounter with the golden eyed boy. Instead, he informed her that he found his phone, but that it was somehow okay. She hadn’t gone far, so it wasn’t long before she was back, cheering and ruffling his hair. “They are two for one. I can cover it,” Kat reminded him. They sat down with their hot chocolates, enjoying the warmth, and letting the bad they’d felt melt away with the marshmallows within.

Their cups had been emptied, but they sat there anyways, watching the snow fall from the window, when Wesley’s phone rang. He picked it up, and after a few words, he excused himself out of the cafe. When he returned, he was beaming, and made his way to the counter, not to the seat he and Kat had been sharing. He came back with two cookies, one for each.

“Celebration cookies,” he informed her, “I just got an interview at the aquarium.”

[lucier1032-blog]

Baby, I’m Howling For You - Chapter Six

”A wise woman wishes to be no one’s enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone’s victim.”

-Maya Angelou

 “Harry! Wait for me!”

“Come on you slowpoke! We’re going to be late!”

“You’re going too fast! Don’t leave me!”

“I’m not going to leave ya darlin!” Harry slowed to a trot, a smile reaching from ear to ear and dimples on both cheeks. His emerald green eyes sparkled in the rare London sunshine as he waited for his best friend to catch up. Pushing his newly wild coffee colored curls from his eyes, he pivoted on his heels to see the flushed brunette finally catching up to him. “You should know better by now.” His chuckles made the young girl illuminate with warmth as she joined his pace, giving the giggling boy an eye roll.

“Why does everything always have to turn into a race with you?” The two slowed to a casual walk along the pavement path, both breathing heavily.

“I like a challenge.” Harry shrugged casually as the pair walked further into the park. The two youthful teens were on their way to their first football match of the season, their identical blue and white jersey’s giving away their agenda.

“Oh, come off it, you just like to win and you know you’ll beat me every time.”

“Hey! I’m just trying to help build up your stamina so you can move up to offense this season!” Harry sent a wink in her direction before she shoved him off the path playfully.

“I don’t know if I’m going to make it past this season.” The tone of their conversation instantly turned discouraging as Ryder shoulders slumped inwards. “My dad doesn’t want me playing, thinks it takes up too much of my time.”

“What else does he think you’re going to do?”

“Couldn’t tell ya, but he’s got some kind of master plan thing he’s always fighting with my mum about. He already has Liam on some ridiculous training regimen; he’s in the gym every hour he isn’t in school. In fact, I’m surprised he hasn’t been pulled from school to follow my dad around at all hours of the day. I barely even see him anymore.”

“So…I take it he isn’t coming to the game today then?” “Nah, as usual he’s sucking up to our father.”

“Always a kiss ass that one.” Harry elbowed the girl in the shoulder spiritedly in hopes of lightening the mood. This is what Ryder loved about their friendship; Harry never pried into her home life and always offered a cheesy smile or silly face to brighten her day. Their budding friendship came so naturally; never forced and never questioned. They had formed a solid bond that you could attribute to shared crayons and peanut butter banana sandwiches. Even at eleven years old now, the two’s likes and dislikes mimicked each other, stitching their paths together for eternity.

When the friends finally reached the football pitch, Harry quickly snatched up a ball and pulled Ryder into a warmup. They joined the rest of their team on the left side of the field, casually kicking the checkered ball back and forth on the dry grass. “Speaking of your dad…” Harry began, but chose his words carefully because he knew how touchy Ryder was with the subject, “Did you ever, you know, find out what his job is?”

“Hi Haz!” A little blond girl with a bright pink backpack half the size of her stood at the edge of the field. Her lemon-yellow rain boots and butterfly hair clips sparkled in the sunlight and rivaled the smile spread across her rosy cheeks.

Harry stopped the ball and rested his foot on top of it as both he and Ryder turned towards the girl. “Hey Quinn. Just go sit over there and I’ll be over in a bit, yeah?” The tiny blond nodded encouragingly, pulling her backpack up tighter on her shoulders.

“Hi Quinn!” Ryder gave her the friendliest smile and a wave. Only to be returned with a scowl and the cold shoulder. The girl turned her back and headed towards the stands without another word. “She hates me, doesn’t she?” Ryder turned back to Harry with a head tilt and a frown.

“She’s just jealous of all the time you get to spend with me darlin.” Harry’s cheeky little grin made the brunette wish she had the ball so she could power kick it right into his stomach. “She’ll warm up to you eventually.”

“I highly doubt that.” The brunette jumped to the side to block Harry’s pass from disturbing the pair behind them. “And to answer your earlier question, no.” She kicked the ball back, quickly trying to force her dark fringe from her eyes. “Liam told me it was none of my business, mum told me not to worry about it and dad told me to stop spending time with you.”

“What?” The boy scrunched his nose in confusion. “What do I have to do with anything?”

“Probably nothing, but you’re always his go to subject change when he wants me to go away and stop pestering him.”

“I am nothing but charming! The perfect specimen of a man to bring home to parents.” Harry tossed his curls around, pretending to model across the grass.

“You’re so cocky!” Ryder hollered before kicking the ball a little too hard towards him. “I can only imagine what you’ll be like when you start dating!” The ball caught Harry on the hip, making him loose his balance and trip over his own feet.

 *****

Hooooowwwwllllll

A loud noise startled Ryder awake sending a jolt of adrenaline coursing through her. She took in a sharp breath, eyes darting open only to be met with the same dark room and ratty old mattress as before. There was another muffled howl on the outside of the door accompanied by loud banging. Ryder sighed to herself, rolling over onto her back but being careful not to move her chained bruised ankle much. The captive brunette was overcome with exhaustion and yet was unable to sleep.

It’s hard to sleep over the sound of your own thoughts.

The Howlers had grown accustom to waking her up with loud noises within minutes of her eyes closing. She was more physically and mentally exhausted than she had ever been in her life. Even worse than the time her father forced her to box with Bauer for over three hours.

In the early days, she tried to maintain some knowledge of time; paying close attention to how long passed between visits from Louis or small portions of food or water being delivered from one of the other Howlers. But as the minutes, hours, days ticked by it became more challenging for her to keep track. With no windows or any glimpse of daylight the time passed freely and on no schedule.

It’s hard to count the days when your buried alive.

She tried everything she could think of to gain some concept of how long she had been held captive. Ryder would pretend to sleep sometimes, hoping that she wouldn’t be woken which mean it was night and everyone else was asleep. But without fail, someone always made noise; she was being watched 24 hours a day. The woman was slowly losing all concept of time, of life outside these four walls. But then again, isn’t that what Harry wanted?

Harry had not made another visit to her after the first night. He laid down the law, pushed fear into her bones and then left her to sink in her own confusion, weighed down by her own thoughts….a dangerous thing. He withdrew himself from her life years ago, leaving the faintest of trails dancing through her shiny black waves. The man left her the good and the bad; their friendship jumping off a cliff only to be met with jagged rocks, tickles of blood filled with smiles and tears staining their clothes. Their friendship would never be remedied and that probably killed Ryder the most. Harry was no longer the boy she knew, the boy who carried her on his shoulders through childhood.

He was now the black coffee before she added the sugar.  The brewing storm before she washed him clean with droplets rain.  The Devil’s venom was slithering up his arms and across his stiff shoulders; its poisonous sting playing into his weakened state; tearing him apart limb by limb, bone by bone, snaking its way into his thoughts. His thirst for revenge becoming a slithering assassin, an all-consuming idea for his own retribution. One shiny bullet shot on command altered Harry’s course, leading him to the life of darkness.

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

Ryder sought light even in her darkened room though; drawing on the memories of her closest loved ones; swimming in the feelings of happiness, the touch of passion, the sip of sweet wine and the taste of his lips. Perpetually sentimental for the embrace of tenderness and the warm sunshine hopping across her pale cheeks. She refused to play into Harry’s twisted games of revenge, refused to be a victim of the Howlers empty threats.

The woman broke her time into tiny, manageable pieces; for the whole being entirely overwhelming. As exhaustion crept further towards her she drew strength from the knowing feeling that Liam would fight for her. No matter their continued distance in the past years, she held on to the vision of her older brother, her protector, storming through the bolted door and never letting go of her again. She made promises to fulfill once this was over; to be a better sister, a better team player, to stand next to her only brother instead of across from him. Even with her distant, difficult relationship with the men in her family, she knew they would fight for her and that was the best feeling in the world.

If you were to ask what one thing Ryder drew her light from though, you would receive an instant and definite answer:

Niall.

The sunshiny blonde brought hope to her bruised and battered state. With one blink of the eye she saw his face, complete with lopsided toothy smile and glimmering baby blues that put the stars to shame. With one inhale of murky air she smelled the faint mix of laundry detergent and his cologne; as if she were resting her head against his chest in their bed. With one lick of the lips she could taste the watermelon chap stick he always insisted he didn’t like but stole from her the feeling of his soft lips pressing against her neck and across her collar bone. With one moment of deafening silence she could hear his boisterous, full bellied laugh bouncing off the cold walls. She held on to every memory of their existence together, every touch and every laugh, the luxury of having him constantly within grasp. The thought of being reunited rumbled in her chest making her heart ache for the security he provided.

Ryder shifted on the bed again, pulling herself into an upright position and closer towards the edge to allow her ankle the tiniest bit of relief. The banging and howling slowed, fading into the darkness soon after it began. Ryder rubbed her sore muscles and sleepy eyes, stretching upwards to release the tension in her neck and shoulders. It was then that her stomach rumbled, a reminder of the constant hunger that pained her. It was only a matter of time before someone brought her the standard bowl of chicken and rice and a plastic glass of water. Entering the room and leaving without a single word. Harry and the Howlers had cut off all human interaction and communication, they were isolating her even more than being held captive and chained to a bed could do on its own.

The Howler delivering her meals usually changed, Ryder noticing a pattern which meant they were taking shifts watching her. She had seen three men rotate in and out, all possessing unique body structures and tendencies. A bigger man with a permanent scowl usually thumped through the door, throwing her food on the floor and causing it to splatter everywhere. Going down in size, the next was a muscular boy without the height. He carried himself with confidence, shoulders back and head high but weighted with his unruly hair. The last was a much smaller boy, almost looking like the other two’s younger brother rather than their equal. He lurked along the walls of the room, blending into the shadows with his tiny frame and slumped shoulders. He was the most cautious of the three, placing her meal gently on the floor in front of her but never making eye contact before running out. He didn’t seem to fit the typical Howler reputation, which struck Ryder as odd.

As if on cue, the door locks began to click on the other side. Ryder sat up straighter, shoulders back and jaw tense. Four. Five. Six. The door swung open slowly, a bit of pressure released from the brunette’s body as a small figure snuck his way through a barely open door. He held one bowl and one cup in his hands as he slowly moved forward. Ryder watched his movements; his small steps carefully calculated and shaking hands as if he was almost afraid of the chained-up woman.

“What’s your name?” Ryder spoke quietly, not to startle the boy. He looked up to her for the first time, his light eyes soft. The woman let a small smile glide onto her face, an offering of peace, yet the boy remained silent. “Mine’s Ryder…but you probably already knew that.” She folded her arms in her lap as he placed the bowl on the floor in front of her. “Thank you.” She gave him a gracious head nod and he showed the smallest sign of a smile. Ryder knew he was the easiest alley to acquire in this situation. He might not have much pull when it came to the three in charge but it was a start that gave Ryder another glimmer of hope.

“Bug, out now.” A nasty snarl startled the two, sending the boy running out of the room as if he would pay for his mistake later. A breeze of cold air rushed in, sending shivers through Ryder’s exposed skin, but the coldness of the voice shocked her even more. Every muscle in her body stiffened at his shadow in the doorframe, leaning to one side like the cocky man he was now. Ryder stood her ground at the edge of the bed, refusing to cower from him. “Been a few days huh darlin.”

“Just a few, is that all?” Ryder spoke with the same cockiness he exuded. She tilted her head to the side, a clear signal that she wasn’t about to deal with his shit.

“Oh, so suddenly you’re so tough?” Harry moved further into the room, pushing the door so that only a small crack of light shone through it. “Trying to be little miss badass?” He moved through the room, tapping at one of the lightbulbs and sending it swinging back and forth. The light cast shadows across his face as it swung, only giving Ryder more of a reason to stand her ground. His scare tactics were not going to work on her anymore. “You really think you’re going to win this one?”

“I’m sure as hell not going to let you win.” She spit in his direction. “I know this isn’t the real Haz, I know he would never really hurt me.” She tried to play their friendship again, fingers crossed that even an ounce of her old friend still lived. “You can talk the talk but it’s all just empty threats.” Harry stopped in the middle of the room, chest tight and hands balled into fists.

“You think so?”

“My Haz is still in there somewhere and I know he would never, never intentionally hurt me.”

“You don’t think this is hurting you? Chaining you to a bed, leaving you alone for days on end? Slowly tearing away every layer until you’re an empty blank space with nothing left to offer? No emotions, no memories. You don’t realize that I win no matter how this plays out.” Harry’s tone growled with confidence as Ryder stayed quiet. “I’m going to tear you down; break you into so many pieces that you’ll never be able to be whole again.” He took three steps forward. “I’m sending you back to your brother in a hand me down box, an empty shell of a person. See, he’ll never get the closure of visiting your grave; the pain ever so slowly fading with each passing day. No, he’s going to have to look at the face of his sister, to live with the torture every single day; to be reminded of what he did.” The woman couldn’t help the tears stinging her tormented eyes, the lump building in her throat.

“And that boyfriend of yours? You can say goodbye to him.” Harry came closer and closer until he was towering over her, their knees bumping into each other. “Because, let’s be honest here…” He let out wicked laugh, “who’s going to want to stay with someone so damaged? Someone who can barely feed themselves or even take a piss alone. Who’s going to want that responsibility? Who’s going to dread waking up every morning only to have to care for you? You’re going to be left with nothing.” The tears fell freely down Ryder’s dirty cheeks, Harry’s words slicing through her like razor blades. The thought of Liam having to see her shattered porcelain face every day, or of Niall leaving her in search of a new happiness were more hurtful than any physical pain Harry could cause. “But if you don’t think any of that is hurting you, then maybe we should try a different approach.

Ryder didn’t even have time to look up before Harry was pouncing on her and pushing her weak frame up against the wall. A shriek of pain rocketed from her mouth as her ankle pulled at the restraint; the air being stolen from her lungs due to Harry’s sheer force. He braced himself on his knees, using his thighs to hold the girl’s legs still. Ryder gripped at a veiny arm connected to the strong hand that was wrapped around her neck. Harry pressed further into her windpipe as wheezes and gasp for air filled the room. Ryder’s chest grew tight, fighting through the most basic of instincts to breathe. The man’s eyes filled with animalistic hunger when he used his free hand to grab at the collar of Ryder’s filthy shirt. He released her neck but not before slamming he head against the concrete wall.

Ryder scrambled for air, eyes mechanically closing due to the agony of pain throbbing in her head. Harry used her moment of weakness to rip her shirt down the middle, exposing her black lace bra a bruised belly. Ryder was quickly aware of her now exposed skin, her hands hastily pushing against Harry’s chest, trying to create space between them. This only made Harry push further into her. He gripped both her wrists with such force she could have sworn she heard a bone crack.

“STOP! PLEASE! STOP!” Ryder screamed and pleaded, but Harry’s eyes were as black as night; he was gone. “HAZ!” The raw screams only attracted the man to her more, she was now his pray; a true wolf at heart. “NOOO!” He slid her back against the wall until she was pressed into the mattress once again. Harry dominated over her, in both physical strength and mental. “Haz.” She wept a continuous stream of fresh tears.

There was a small moment of stillness between the two, as if for a split second the true Harry had come back. He stilled on top of her, loosening his grip just enough to still maintain control. Ryder’s chest heaved with sobs as she looked up to his olive-green eyes. The brunette froze under him, unsure if what was happening. Harry let go of one of her wrists and the girl surprisingly stayed still. A soft and gentle hand ran across her tear-stricken face, his thumb brushing away a fallen tear. It was almost as if he cared for her again; as if he was trying to comfort her. “Haz.” She whispered, which was a bad idea.

The man snapped, his body stiffening and eyes fading into black. Ryder started to squirm and fight, kicking her legs in every direction but he held tight to her with such malice. He pinned her arm between his knee and her thigh, limiting her movements and allowing his free hand to explore her stomach. Never in a million years would Ryder imagine being in this situation. For one, being held captive and taken advantage of was not the ideal situation for anyone and caused enough PTSD for a lifetime. But here Ryder was, not only being held against her will but being tortured but her once friend now turned foe.

“This is only step one darlin.” Harry gave her a deadly smirk, his touch leaving her bare skin to reach around to his back pocket. Ryder went rigid beneath him, preparing for the worst, but when his hand came back into view her eyes went wide with fear. With the swift flick of the wrist, a visible silver blade caught the dim light. Ryder fought with all the strength she had left as Harry drew the knife closer in towards her bare stomach, making contact right above her left hipbone.

Shrills of pain seeped out of the room and into the hallway, filling the basement with such agony. The remaining Howlers were on the edge of their seats, such discomfort and apprehension swirling in their glasses of alcohol. The screams only worsened as Louis poured himself another drink. Zayn looked up to his best friend with such hopelessness. It was in both of their personalities to run to the aid of damsel in distress but Harry had forged such a rock between the Howlers in the last few days that they both stayed seated and silent. Their friendship being tested repeatedly at Harry’s show of dominance. Louis still withheld secrets from his best friend, but to keep Harry from going over the edge it was about time they had a heart to heart

[rooellensuwanai-blog]

Learning From You Part 3

However, what I did feel was a sense of awe.

I guess my parents were the progressive type when it came to housing after high school. Our family owns an extra apartment room a ten minute drive away from our actual house. It was supposed to be a side business for dad. Earning income from the rent that people pay to stay there for a couple nights. Though I didn’t understand why exactly we happened to own a second house when I was younger, about four or five, now I think that dad made a clever plan.

As soon as school ended, I was made to move into it so I can “take my own reins and get a feel for what it’s like to live on your own” before actually going away to college. I guess it’s sort of like my parent’s idea of a behind the wheels training session before I actually spread my wings and fly away. I know, I know. It seems like I made two contradicting statements. Earlier I said they were above averagely strict, and now I’m introducing the concept that I was sent to live alone? I have an explanation for that. I truly do. Quite simple, actually. I had an infallible facade as a model student and daughter. They also trusted me, because I caused minimal trouble while I was just a wee high school student. The only thing I’d do was steal a few of my mom’s chocolates without telling her, and those situations always wrapped up nicely with a dismayed “Not again”. Naturally, they thought of my whole living ten minutes away before college thing was a perfect idea.

For me, my new living situation was a perfect opportunity for me to completely unhinge and go ….wild. Drop my facade. Cheesy, I know, but I’m gonna say it: discover myself. Just think about it. No one. Not even my parents would find out if I got home at three am, completely drunk and high out of my mind. Which, I previously could never do under my parental supervision. I never had the guts for it. Or the willingness to risk everything for a little taste of adventure….and freedom.

It’s the middle of June. I graduated exactly a month ago from today. That fact still baffles me as I wake up every morning. This morning in particular though, that thought echos sonorously in my head not as a mere thought, but as a spontaneous realisation. In my muggy mind, the realisation triggered more sonorous echoes, pulsating through my brain. It was an irritating pulse, and every little thought seemed like a huge burden to squeeze out.

I groan as cheerful sunlight spills out through the curtains and illuminate the dark space behind my eyelids. The sound of my groan becomes amplified through my head, and reverberates intensely, bouncing back and forth between my skull and the crevasses of my brain.

Fuuuuuuuuuck me.

As I squint, I find myself sprawled out on the floor. Yet again, for the third time in just this week. The light increases my agony by tenfold, and I struggle to retreat back to the safety behind my eyelids. As I gather my dull senses, I slowly recollect fuzzy memories of last night.

The pitch dark. The flashing lights. The pulsing beat and so many bodies pressed up against mine. It was musky and….moist.

Glowing orbs illuminated me from a million different directions and I was soaring. I was soaring through space. My body moved as one with my people. So many hands brushing up against me.

Limbs tangling. I was now in a dimly lit bathroom stall. The pulse was still there. Though a bit distant. It was there, carving out a definite rhythm. Hands fumbled down my back. I clung. My nose caught the tinge of sweat. One of the people. That’s all I knew about this mass I clung to.

Hot breath on my neck. Hot breath on my cheek. Wet on my lips. Boiling hot on my neck.

I took a sharp intake of breath, as the cold air brushed it’s fingertips across my now bare back. The dress slowly lost its grip on my body…..now clammy hands were touching me directly. Warning bells flashed in my head. What was wrong? I giggled a bit. Only a bit  of my back was out!!

Hands roaming on my bum.

Wait.

Hands are roaming on my bum.

Wait.

Hands roaming on -- My arse is out.

My arse. Is. Out.

A sheer, overwhelming sense of panic overcame me. I felt suffocated and so….unsafe. You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you absolutely know for a fact that you done fucked up? That feeling where it feels like an octopus magically appeared from the dark crevasse of your belly, just ejected a gallon of ink in your stomach and promptly fleeted away, squirting all its inky darkness into the midst of you? I went through that by tenfolds when my delirious brain caught onto the inevitable turn of events that were going to follow in the next five minutes.

The next few moments were a blur. The boy who had now moved onto passionately (if what he was doing really counts as passion…) making out with my collar bones, had me tight in his grip. He was like an actual leech, draining the calmingly ecstatic high from me, replacing it with a sudden urge to claw his hands off of me, and also his eyeballs out of his face for good measure. My panic reflex lashed out, as I kicked and groaned and screamed for the wretched thing to get off of me. The rest was all a blur for me, honestly. I’m still not sure how I got out of that cramped bathroom stall, waded through the sweaty mass of people, and got back to the flat. All in one piece, with my virginity intact.

This rewind of events force my mind to shrink back. I feel as if my gut is getting flayed by the sheer cringe of that particular situation. Of course, I was glad that I didn’t end up having my first time in a dingy bathroom stall. At the same time I was dismayed at the sheer disgust I felt at being completely left up to someone else’s touch and disposal. It was so uncomfortable and disconcerting. I hated it. Especially when I had no flipping idea who the heck that someone was. Never again, in my waking days am I letting some mangy stranger take control over my body like that. Never again.

I could have done something I completely regretted…

My reason whispers to me, and I shrunk even tighter into a ball on the floor of my seemingly safe flat. I felt so disgusting. Disgusting, disgusted and disgust. My entire body felt foreign and contaminated to me and I got a sudden urge to scrub myself clean and forget all about last night.

Slowly, with great care, I hobbled up onto all fours, then on my two feet with the help of a nearby couch and teetered into the bathroom. I peered into the mirror. There, staring back at me were two mascara smudged brown eyes. My lipstick has long since worn off, and my hair was falling out in a frazzled disarray. I’ve got to admit, I was a mess. I looked like a goth rat, and I wasn’t liking it. That human in the looking glass didn’t look like me. I needed to wash her away.

I closed my eyes against the hot water seeping through my scalp, trickling on my face. It was a nice familiar feeling. One of which I’ve felt on a million occasions. I always relish this moment. This moment when I can feel the warmth engulf me in a comforting way. And it was great, too、because I’d come out nicely clean ! This occasion, though, I think I came clean both mentally and physically.

I’ve got to admit, I had this empty void in my heart these couple of weeks I spent partying constantly. It was like something wasn’t right. I couldn’t put my finger on it. But I felt really empty. I didn’t feel like I was doing much, and it was true. I really wasn’t doing much. Eat, sleep, party, hangover, eat, sleep, slightly less hangover, sleep, party. It was an endless cycle of just that. The initial adrenaline rush of my first time in a proper drinking, drugging, grinding party was quite an experience for me. I felt freed and I felt so invincible. I’d hop across all the bars in the area, and migrate from one club to the next, using my before 10PM lady privileges. I’d run shrieking onto the road, as I ran barefoot swinging heels in one hand. Some girls even joined in, and the boys saw it as a daring hunt to catch us. It was like the night moulded itself into whatever I made it into, and no one, not even my friends, or most of all, my parents could change it. They have no idea what exactly I’ve been up to this whole month. That’s always made me giggle a bit. A giddy feeling, like you’ve just discovered for yourself a box of unexpected candy. But now, that just filled me with….I don’t know. More squid ink in the pit of my stomach.

….I guess I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would. Yeah, I’ve dislodged myself from my normal life. Just like I've always wanted to. But it really didn’t leave me with anything, did it. Except for maybe a nearly stolen virginity, and an uncanny realization that maybe I wasn’t even remotely appetized by the prospect of sex. Is that normal? I’d have to look into that later.

I scrubbed and scrubbed myself in the hotter than usual water. I take time to rinse my hair thoroughly, make sure all that excess grease from the hairspray was gone. Clumps of mascara flowed down my eyelids, and I thoroughly scrubbed my skin. I didn’t want any breakouts that I would surely regret in my sober days. I wanted to be all natural. Just me. I wanted to feel like myself again. I splashed on three different types of shower gel, all a slight variation of mint. It was cooling, then burning and the herbal smell filled the steamy space. I inhaled sharply, and let the strongly scented air sting the back of my nose.

Perfect.

When I finally emerged, I felt brand new. My hair damp and dripping, I cleared away a messy window on the foggy mirror and found myself again. I grinned, tilted my head this way and that. That crusty face was gone and nowhere to be seen. I looked a bit younger than I remembered too. Maybe it was the freshness. All that was left from the night before was my buzzing hangover that clouded over my brain like an angry horde of sluggish bees

Today was my one month mark as an independent young woman looking to start her new life on campus in a handful of weeks. I was going to start my second month on the right leg, and on a solid step no matter how I spent the previous month. A fresh start.

Personally, I think that anyone can have a fresh start whenever they decide that it is time for a new beginning. Growing up, that was how I operated. Each day was a new blank page for me. If I was having a bad day, I’ll take a delirious nap, then wake up, get hydrated, and start back up as a new and reborn human being again. It works, you know? That’s how I coped with my crippling perfectionism. It was always a problem I had. If everything didn’t turn out perfectly for me, I’d get so disappointed in myself. Lose interest in virtually everything I’d been investing my time in up until that point. It’s a really precarious situation when I fall into those slumps. If those slumps lasted for more than a week, I’d be completely behind on everything I’d ever tried to achieve. That was part of the overwhelming stress of being bound to an occupation such as a student.

I’d have to say though, my perfectionism was a big part of what got me through as a straight A, honor roll student throughout my years in grade school. As I grew up, I sort of just, embraced the fact that I procrastinate, and that sometimes I can’t get everything seamlessly finished in the nick of time. I’d deal with it by taking a hot shower just like this one, sleeping it off, drinking water, and feeling good about myself again. Nursing my self esteem back to health. So I can function as a day to day human being again.

I know that everyone must have these inner demons inside of them. It can’t be just me, feeling frustrated at myself sometimes. But when you’re alone with your thoughts and illogical, untamable beasts called feelings, sometimes, just sometimes, you feel like you're chained down. As if I’m bound to some invisible social construct. I never know what it is, but I know it’s there. And I just feel, as if it’s slowly suffocating me.

Mentally telling myself that from this second, it was going to be a fresh start for myself helped me get out of there. Also, the vague hope and belief that gaining independence would help me get out of it for good, chained me to sanity all my time as a child under my parent’s wings.

I walked out the front door in an orange sundress and sandals. Minimal makeup, hair still damp. The air still contained not, the dense humidity that accompanies the full rise of sunlight. I deliberately picked the color orange to wear for the day. Gentle promise for a bright future, but still powerful. I felt positively glowing. I have no idea how valid my own assumptions about appearances are, but at that moment, I felt beautiful. It’s a welcome feeling to have, especially after I realized how utterly worthless my recent endeavors to break my personal norms were. Especially after I felt slightly soiled under the work of that faceless somebody’s hands. And especially after I haven’t had a proper day of tranquility in the recent weeks.

My parents’ flat lies in a fairly large scale neighbourhood just on the edge of the city midtown. Not too much commotion, but just enough bustling to give it a nice, busy drone. It’s been a long time since I moved here that I actually took the time to enjoy the atmosphere. It’s peaceful. Nice and compact. From the flat, it’s a short walk up to a stately corner belonging to a grey and red modern home. This particular house tickles my fancy all the time, as it’s symmetric, orderly rectangular structure really brings a sense of satisfaction to me. Just around the bend are a variety of cafes and tiny boutiques that line the main street of my neighborhood. Cassa Avenue Historic Business District, they call it. I agree with their title. The number of petite shops on this street indicate lots of business, and yep, the buildings are all made up of positively ancient quirky works of boards and planks. They’re the sorts of rickety buildings that look as if it can topple over with a slightly hard whoosh of a wind. It’s a wonder they’ve been staying up for over a century now.

Inhale through my nose, exhale out. Inhale through my nose, exhale out. The air is anything but stagnant. Delicious to my frazzled nerves. It smells of cut grass and clipped blossoms. Good, wholesome smells of home drift from the bakeries and it makes me bubble inside. It’s a  different kind of excitement than the streaking shots of adrenaline I felt when I walked into a buzzing club. It’s the bubbly innocent sort, like something completely utterly new and just fabulous was waiting for me out there. It translates to a slight bound in my step. That haggard and wasted woman I saw in the mirror this morning I’ve successfully abandoned. I felt good about myself. It was a nice fresh start. I internally pat myself on the back. I got myself out of the ditch yet again. And I’m proud of that.

My feet semi automatically point towards the San Francisco Coffee Brewers & Co. I always like to refer to that cafe by their full name. I really don’t know why, and while most people call it just the Brewers, it just feels weird for me to say it. Doesn’t roll off my tongue as well as San Francisco Coffee Brewers & Co. Maybe it’s the small sense of control I feel. You know? My absolute freedom to say anything in however manner I like with no consequences, and the burst of satisfaction I feel when I end on the “Co.” Sure maybe it’s a waste of breath for the majority. But it isn’t for me. It’s a source of joy.

I lug open the heavy wooden door, and the welcome bell jingles lightly. Warm smells engulf me, this time of roasted coffee beans. Gentle cacophony of clinking mugs and grinding beans accompany the aroma. This place is set up in the traditional cafe style, with a counter featuring busy handed baristas, while the rest of the space is occupied by dozens of comfy chairs sprawled out around coffee tables, and secluded counter seats for the more solitary customers. It’s nice. The warm browns within the space really compliments the rays of low sunrise peaking in through the potted plants set up at the large windows.

This morning was busier than usual. A clump of tired morning goers lined the space all the way between the order counter and the door. I slid into place and started waiting. I’m a patient girl. Growing up, I’d always see adults who were supposedly more mature than us young ones constantly clucking at cars in front of them starting slightly slower after a fresh green light, or when the shopping line at the groceries seemingly “hadn’t moved in the last 30 seconds.” I’ve never gotten impatient at those little things, because I know that it’s virtually useless. It’s virtually useless to fret over those little things. What point is there to cut down on your lifespan by that sort of miniscule stress?

There’s always bigger things you could be spending your worry lines on. Or there always was, at least for me. I never got impatient over the small things in daily life. Rather, I got impatient on...my life. It seemed so slow as a student. It seemed like I’d never get out of that constant loop between schooling and sleep. But seeing the light at the end of the tunnel didn’t really mean it quelled my worries. It triggered me to be so uncertain about what lay ahead for me. As I lay awake on my bed late at night, those thoughts would plague me. What the fuck was I gonna do out of school? I’ll go to college, yeah, because that’s what you’re supposed to do by societal norms. But what matters is after that. What if I end up...jobless? Homeless? Futureless? What if I screw up? I had no flipping clue what I was supposed to do, after school. The more I thought about it, the harder it was to face it.

I always just thought, assumed, and even felt entitled to have the privilege of gracefully slipping into my adult career as if it were just a second skin. Wasn’t it that way for everyone? I was naive.

Now at this exact moment, my life is nearly sorted out for the time being. I’m going to a fairly prestigious school starting this fall.

It will turn out okay. I can start adulting.

I silently console myself, while a dark tinge of last nights events plague a corner of my mind.

….starting today. Starting now.

I add for good measure. Because everyone experiments and makes mistakes right? I experimented, and I figured out after a month gone by that that was not exactly what I’d always thought I’d wanted and needed.

As I stood, a breath of warmer air engulfed me from behind as the door swung open and the welcome bell let out it’s light hearted jingle again. I automatically shifted myself towards the front as much as I could, to provide space for the mystery person who’d just decided to burden themselves with a ten minute plus wait time for their morning coffee. Up ahead, at the counter, an older woman was arguing with a bambi eyed barista over a iced latte. I could faintly hear something about substituting the milk with soy milk….or something on that degree.

“It looks we’ll be here for a while,” the presence behind me spoke up, in an amused manner.

The sudden voice startled me, and I quickly whipped myself around to face the other person. These situations always give me anxiety. Honestly, it’s one of my biggest fears whenever I go out on my own. When someone speaks, my mind runs through a million repetitions of Were they speaking to me? Do I answer? What do I say? Wait were they even talking to me? Which typically results in my awkwardly laughing and agreeing with whatever they’re saying, regardless of whether the situation was humorous or whether agreeing with the person was an appropriate response in that point in time. This was one of those moments, as I whipped around and just said….

“Yes.” Of course, accompanied with a short bark that barely passes as a laugh. As always. Classic me.

Before I could recover from my own awkwardness, the person hit me with another dreaded question.

“Do I know you ?”

“Ummm…”  I look him up and down and stare at his face. I know, kinda rude but it’s socially acceptable when you’re trying to discern whether or not a supposed stranger has ever traversed through your life.

He has glasses. You know, the wired rectangular kind, that never fails to give off a nerdy aura. Though they did suit his overall gentle looking face. He had pouty lips, but not in the irritating way, like those Barbie™ Ken dolls. They just had a soft shape (I know kinda creepy, but I had no better imagery okay?) that naturally curves up into a gentle smile. That was the first thing i noticed about him, as I looked up into his face. Darker than usual brown eyes, rounded eyebrows, and dusty dark brown hair. Probably not effable, if he were ever put up to ye old Victoria’s standards. My good friend has constantly maintained high standards, all these years, ever since grade school.

“I think….” I begin as I rapidly search my mind for the familiar face. It’s truly irritating, really. When you have that nagging sensation where you know you’ve seen a certain face somewhere before. But you just can’t place it in the correct spot. It’s the most uncomfortable sort of frustration, as you know deep down that you already know the answer.

“I’ve played for you before, haven’t I?” the man offers.

My mind was suddenly freed from its endless game of match the face. Recollections from a few years ago flood back into my system. The light bulb goes off in my head as the lines connect, and I burst out “OOOOOooooohhhh!!”

I then realized just how obnoxious I must have sounded and cover my mouth.

“Sorry, um I mean. Yes! I do remember you. Mr. Mark, right?” I tried again, a bit more calmly this time.

“Yes, that’s me,” he gently laughs. “And you’re Lillian. ...I hope, otherwise this would turnout to be a very awkward hello.”

“It’s alright. I’m Lillian, no worries.” I smile up at him.

“That’s great ! I didn’t mess up and get the wrong person. How have you been? I haven’t seen you around since I accompanied piano for you at that performance. That was about….”

“I think it happened like 2 years ago,” I finished his thought. “Because it was my sophomore year when I played with you, I think.”

“Oh yes.Yes, I remember now.” Mr. Mark nodded. “It’s very nice to see you. Did you go by Lillian or Lilli, I forget. Have you graduated? What’s going on for you? Are you still playing your instrument?”

I open my mouth to answer his questions. But they jumbled in my brain, and it took me a moment to construct an intelligible answer.

All that came out was a very intelligent sounding “Uh,”

Mr. Mark shifted. “Whoops. Sorry. I pulled the classic adult move didn’t I?” He apologetically cocked his head. “Bombarding the young ones with too many questions. Very uncool.”

“No, no it’s fine! My friends call me Lilli, it really doesn’t matter. Yes, I’ve graduated a month ago. And as for my flute….” I think back to the silver instrument, lying within the confines of it’s leather case placed on the top shelf of my closet. I haven’t picked it up, let alone blown into it for at least an year now. “I haven’t been playing as much these days.” I quickly wrap up, pushing away the slight mist of dark guilt.

Thankfully, he didn’t seem as if he caught onto my apparent unease at the mention of my flute, and responded innocently enough, “Well that’s a shame. That first time I rehearsed with you, I immediately thought I never will or have come accross a better flute player.”

I cringe at the memory of the first rehearsal I ever had with Mr. Mark. I wasn’t exactly the best at keeping with the piano whenever I played solo, and that day was no exception. I started too early, lost my count and lost my cue, and when things seemed to be going smoothly I’d mess up the flowing sound with an unexpected falter in my fingers. I felt like crawling into a shell whenever we had to stop on account of me. The whole ordeal was agonizing for me, who’s always dealt poorly under performance stress, and probably more so for Mr. Mark, as he had to continuously playing back to the start for me numerous times, like a broken record.

I let out a very distressed “Noooo….” and rapidly shake my head back and forth. “I was average, at best. That first time we rehearsed together was the complete worst for me,” After a second’s discretion I quickly add, “and probably for you too. You had to deal with me messing up all the time.”

“Ahem.”

I quickly whip around, for the second time this morning. In what seemed like a few passing moments, we had drifted up to the order counter, pleasantly engaged in amicable conversation. The poor bambi eyed barista had been replaced by a plump older woman, who held an air of absolute authority despite being half my size and holding a welcoming smile on her face.

“What would you like today, dear?”

“Yes! Um I,” I stutter. I feel assaulted by an immensely awkward life or death decision, as I frantically scan the black menu boards for a welcome sounding drink. “I, I would like an iced black coffee please. Medium sized. Straight. I mean, with nothing in it, thanks.” I manage to let out, in the nick of time, just before the time spent sputtering spanned over socially acceptable standards.

“And for you, sir?” the lady expectantly turned towards Mr. Mark.

“Um actual--”

“I’ll take a small hot latte please.” I looked at him, dumbfounded. He had just naturally interrupted me. And just naturally placed his order. Like it was the most natural thing to do in the world.

What are you doing ????

I will him to hear me as I stare at his profile, completely calm as opposed to me, whose innards were twisting in confused turmoil.

“That will be 6 dollars and 25 cents.” The plump lady swiftly added up.

“Okay...let’s see….” Mr. Mark mumbles as he begins pulling out what looked suspiciously like a wallet.

What the fuck are you doing Mr. Mark nonono stop.

Alarm bells go off in my brain, as I let out, “No! I can’t let you do that!” Imaginary sirens start blaring up in there too, as I watch him shuffle through the wallet, in a casual manner.

R

“It’s okay, Lillian, I’ve got it for the both of us.”

“But. I’ve got it too! At least my part of it! I can pay, really…” My voice falters, and my will to fight for my dignity diminishes as well.

Oh, crap.

I reluctantly throw the white flag up, as I watch him hand over the exact amount, finalizing the deal.

“I don’t know what to say...I mean thank you! I really appreciate it but you really didn’t have to do that for me.” I quickly try to make the situation better for me. Oh, how I hated these unexpected occasions where people just spontaneously decided to be nice. I, for one, had no idea how to react, other than say a million thank-yous, and tying it off with the overused line, “I really appreciate it.”

“No worries. It’s my treat for this occasion. You don’t see ex-students around every day.” Mr. Mark yet again smiled one of his really gentle, wholesome smiles. The sort of smile where the eyes also smile, deepening the laugh lines, but where the mouth is just a slight upturning. The subtle kind, that wasn’t too in your face. It had a magical calming effect on most everybody. I remember he’d calmly smile like that at every occasion where I’d made a mistake during a rehearsal.

“Anyways though...I think I conveniently forgot about your mistaking multiple times during our first play through together.” he picked up the conversation again. “I just remember your final solo performance being a huge success.” He quirked an eyebrow, as he handed me my drink.

“Thank you !! For the coffee, I mean. And also thank you for that feedback, “ I added sheepishly. “I think it really was definitely better than our first run through.”

“It would be somewhat problematic, wouldn’t it, if you hadn’t improved at all.” He teased.

“That would be horrifying, yeah,” I quickly respond as I impale my drink with a straw. “if the final product resulting from like 5 weeks of continuous rehearsals just sounded like a dying duck. Yep, great finale. Fabulous job, Mr. Mark and Lilli.” I say monotonously, acting out the role of the fictional unimpressed audience.

My sarcasm earned a small laugh from Mr. Mark. I feel my self confidence for interaction with this man build up, as I feel somewhat proud for being capable of eliciting actual amusement from a former mentor. I felt a bit mature, as teenaged Lillian never could make smooth small talk with an authority figure aside from maybe her parents.

“I’ve been wondering though...why have you always called me ‘Mr. Mark’?” He asked with a somewhat more serious air.

I felt my triumph rapidly shrink, as various thoughts rapidly rushed through my mind, most of which being Oh no, did I offend him?? As we settled ourselves down into a set of comfortable arm chairs with drinks in hand, I tentatively started, “Um, well. I’ve been calling you Mr. Mark because...I wasn’t really sure how to pronounce your last name, and I didn’t want to be disrespectful or anything, you know?” My speech speeds up, as I catch Mr. Mark’s brow furrow for a split second. “I didn’t want to just address a mentor just by their first name, that’d be a bit awkward and a tad disrespectful, so I thought adding a ‘Mr.’ at the beginning would make the situation at least somewhat better. Like I thought it was better to do that instead of butchering your last name every time into a million pieces.” I watch him earnestly as he processed my explanation.

Right when I thought that I’d messed up for real, it took me by surprise when Mr. Mark suddenly began chuckling quietly. “That….” He said in between breaths. “that, is really funny and actually, quite smart of you.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I just ended up dumbly saying, “Oh. Really?” I guess he took it in a positive way. My tension slowly receded as I listened to him go on in amusement.

“Yeah, really. Very effective way of avoiding uncomfortable situations. It’d have saved me so many irritated verbal corrections back in my school days.”

“Oh no, what happened?” I smiled, and asked out of curiosity at what my former mentor sitting in front of me, who’d always seemed so soundly confident, may have been like when he was more my age.

“Well. I think the worst occasion was when I was in college, studying piano under this really gruff Russian professor. A large, large man,” I couldn’t help but laugh a bit at his choice of expression. He carried on, acknowledging my little giggle, “I mean, not in an offensive way, really. He just had this big presence.” Mr. Mark demonstrates with his arms. “He had an even larger, very impressive beard. And virtually no one had the guts to go up and have a one on one, heart to heart conversation with him. Just a very intimidating man.”

I follow along, “Oh yeah, I know what you mean.”

“Right ??” He cocked his chin forward, emphasizing his point. “And I had the absolute blessing to go ask him a very urgent question. But I’d never really heard anyone say his name before. Even the other professors called him the ol’ gruff. The only thing I knew was that his name ended with something something - vich. You know? The stereotypical Russian ending for all names. So I just took this really wild guess. Totally butchered his name. He ended up coaching me for a whole ten minutes to say his name with complete accuracy, accents and everything! But I did nail the vich part. That was a plus.”

I start laughing a bit when I picture the mental image of a younger Mr. Mark quivering under the glare of a slightly more wild, rough version of Santa Claus with a heavy accent.

“I mean, I can’t really complain because my name isn’t exactly the most simplest name out there either.” Mr. Mark added on after taking a sip of his latte.

“How exactly do you pronounce your last name?” I ask, thinking that I might as well learn now.

“You do sort of a harsh ‘cuh’ sound, the ‘fa’, like as in the musical note, and then ‘relly’, like really without the a. Sort of confusing, isn’t it.” He explained.

“Cafarelli?” I begin somewhat uncertainly. Convinced by Mr. Mark’s encouraging nod, I tried again. “Cafarelli. Mr. Caffarelli !” It feels foreign in my mouth at first, but it slowly moulds itself on my tongue, and it rolls out effortlessly.

“That’s it, very nice job.” He gave me a small round of literal applause, which I found funny, seeing an adult actually trace a circle in the air with his clapping hands. “Everyone always makes it sound way more Italian than it needs to be. Like Cu-fa, REEEEELLI.” He rolled his eyes as he demonstrated his overemphasized Italian accent. “But feel free to call me just Mark from now on.”

Bewildered, I reflexively ask, “Wait, what?” I know I sounded a bit dumb, but it was just a foreign suggestion to me. “But I was a student...you know, I don’t want to be disrespectful?”

“Well, technically I was just your mentor, but that doesn’t matter now!” He flat out denied my argument. “You’re no longer a student under my mentorship wing anymore, don’t bother with all the different titles. Alright?” Mr. Mark gave me an encouraging smile.

“Alright Mr. - I mean!” I quickly fix myself, when he raises a questioning eyebrow. “Mark.” I smile weakly, and shrink back in my seat a bit. God that felt weird.

“Very nice,” he nodded approvingly.

We finished up the remainder of our drinks in amicable conversation. We stood from our table, slowly saying our farewells. You know, the usual things you might say to a distant relative you only see once a decade. “Nice seeing you, hope to see you soon, have a nice day, have a safe trip back home.” And of course, numerous more thank-yous for the unexpected free coffee that I’d gotten. The prolonged strings of parting greetings. The usual. But it felt….different, hearing it from Mark Caffarelli, my former piano accompanist, and music mentor. Or Mark, as I should be calling him under his discretion. I inwardly cringe a bit every time I think of Mr. Mark as just, plain Mark. I think he’ll just stay Mr. Mark in my mind for a while, even after today. As I parted with him outside the San Francisco Coffee Brewers & Co., I couldn’t help but look back at his slowly distancing figure. He was a tall man, who must’ve been very lanky in his younger years. I wonder how old he is right now? I ponder. Mr. Mark had an easy air, making me feel almost comfortable in his presence, though I’d never known him as well as my actual flute teacher from highschool. I could easily relate with him, which made for good conversation. Wholesome speech.

Wholesome. The entirety of the events that had taken place within the particular cafe left me feeling pleasant. Happy. Warm inside. I didn’t know what it was, but I left feeling glowier inside than I did when I arrived. Mark. I try again in my mind. A sort of giddy feeling bubbles up inside of me, and I smile to myself. Quickly, I cover it with my hand, trying to suppress the involuntary reaction. It felt like I’d been given a small amount of authority. Authority and….and certification to be on a first name basis with someone I’d respected and revered as a teenager. I felt like I had a bit of control. It even felt a bit, wrong too. Like I’d just dipped my bare finger into a pot of honey. That is reprimandable, not to mention completely unsanitary. But the licks of sweetness I got from it was irresistible. It gave me a certain high emotion. I don’t know what this is, but I like it.