#i rotate them in my brain daily like a microwave

[caramsels]

the halloween spirit has me thinking about when I asked LN twitter if six took his bag here and they implied that she did😭 they are so funny like does that mean mono isn’t running from the hunter as much as he’s trying to get his bag back..

[sketchingstars03]

Protection VS Destruction

A furiously protective father vs the killer of anomalies

Anomalies like… little Splatter?

Wait… is her soul… human?? But… she’s a monster…?

This truly is a central conflict for a story

Ink is by Comyet

Error is by loverofpiggies Aka Crayon Queen

and we all know who created Splatter by now I think ;3

Some further rambles under the cut 👀

Alrighty, so! As stated about this art shows one of if not The main conflict of Splattertale, with the reveal of our main antagonist, Error!

Because ofc no Ink-Centric story is complete without Error as an antagonistic force of SOME kind.

I kid, there are obviously options where he’s not lol.

But yeah. Also he’s not really a villain here he’s just, opposed to the protagonists. Which makes him an antagonist! Because he… wants to kill Ink’s kid for being a glitch… Okay maybe that’s a BIT villainous, but he’s just doing his job! It’s nothing personal… right Ink? Right… ?

Also I know Ink looks SUPER pissed off and protective here but I wanna make it clear he DOESN’T hate Error in this story. Has some.. complicated feelings about him (None of them romantic, Sorry-not-sorry ErrorInk fans, I’m just not into it), but none of them are Hatred. In fact he’s tried to befriend Error several times in the past! Though that can’t exactly work out now… (trying to hunt down someone’s kid to delete them for being a “mistake” kinda puts a damper on your potential friendship with them :/)

Splatter’s soul is indeed a human soul. How this is possible I will explain later, but for now just know that her creation isn’t exactly natural. It’s devoid of any trait, which is why it’s white like a monster soul, and has very low DETERMINATION for a soul of its type. Still way more than a monster soul can have, but low for a human’s.

Being a “freak of nature” like that has landed her quite on Error’s list of “Things to Destroy”

This drawing also features my personal interpretation of the Doodlesphere! I sorta combined the two canon versions, the Floating Islands and Buckets. The Splattertale-verse Doodlesphere is comprised of floating islands that hold deep lakes of paint as entry points into the respective AUs. Each island is decorated with items that represent the AU it leads to!

With this in mind, try and guess which AU is which ;3

…

okay I’m gonna give the answers anyway

We’ve got Underswap (specifically Star Sanses Blue’s underswap)

Underfell right behind Ink

XTale in the top right

Outertale in the distance near where XTale is

and Dreamtale on the bottom left!

The appearance of the island also reflects the state of the AU, hence why Xtale is cracked and leaking (because of its destruction), and why Dreamtale looks so dull. With its stump of a tree and unbalanced paint-lake (it used to be a beautiful mix of yellow and purple)

So yeah, I think that’s all I have to say abt this piece for now! Don’t worry I’m gonna elaborate on these little lore bits in time! This entire story rotates in my brain like it’s in a microwave on a daily basis lmao

Hope you like it! :3 (And thank you if you read this far!)

[roach56list-blog]

Nutritional Catastrophes Part 1.

When that's 90 degrees out, California's Boreal Mountain Resort practices with a brand-new snow device that works also. The taxes had actually been actually paid by means of my visa or mastercard on data, as well as an easy eye my bank accounts verified that Shane and the rest from the staff at my charge card cpu were depositing more money in comparison to last month. After that clarify your butter before using that, if you want butter fat. Explore Youtube for clear up butter". I believe RS supplementation could be a really good measuring stick for the wellness from your digestive tract. As a statement from a non-american listener, most americans possess seriously NO TIP just how much suffering their nation's building has actually created to the planet. Medication business representatives dismiss such reports, stating that they carry out not confirm the P.P.I.'s are the source of the troubles which a lot of P.P.I. customers are older adults that are actually susceptible to diseases and more probable to experience fractures as well as possess nutritional deficiencies. I offer these case history from brief order chefs, motorbike racers, hockey players, people who construct musical instruments, can easily develop exactly what I phone ecology attention, where your understanding is actually tuned to those components from your atmosphere that turn up for you via the lens from the activity. New Harmony Vazee Peak 2 ($ ONE HUNDRED - April 2017)-- In version 2, the Vazee Peak's top is hugely strengthened along with TPU-film overlays over the midfoot for a much more organized fit as well as higher toughness. Complications along with the heart's timekeeper, called the pacemaker or even sinus node, can easily cause trembles. In these times, however, she confines herself to merely a few cookies, however still stands by 2 raw eggs daily-- a regime she occupied not long after World war when she was detected along with anaemia. That implies individuals and also professionals should bring in more effort to have proper vitamins accordinged to one's personal circumstances. The blood bank volunteers will check as well as tell you your iron amount as prep work for the blood donation. The most successful people try to learn as considerably off the around miss out on as they will possess off an accident. I for one am utilizing the vegan meals, Spouse like's the meat product, I carry out choose not to prepare just about anything fired through buddies or even loved ones, or any kind of type of fish, Regrettable our experts can easily certainly not have a cannibal paleo since I believe the world this as well over managed by humans who make God Like choice's on a daily bases, Yet insurance claim no person can participate in God! I eliminate this to a glass dish and then use concerning 1/2 ounces. brandy or cognac for about 1 pound. from liver to flambé. And while some hearing experts have actually long warned versus the devices, mentioning their unreliability and poor quality, many also state that a brand new generation of P.S.A.P.s that utilize the current wireless modern technology are actually giving encouraging options for some individuals along with hearing reduction. I could never ever say to if I will pee 1 teaspoon or pee an ordinary volume, that's REALLY annoying and aggravating considering that the URGE TO URINATE is present consistently throughout the day! The 2 examples you provided are the opposite ends from the sphere from mental involvement". P.S. Simply reveal in the opinions I would really love for this article to become a growing information for people if you have ideas that have actually helped you get over or manage depression. The search transformeded into me reading via your blog post for regarding 45 moments right now and also that's carried out very well. Intellectual:. To analyze variables explaining the variation in between cream triglycerides (TGs) and superior quality lipoprotein cholesterol levels (HDL-C) in a non-western populace defined through damaging TG and also HDL-C amounts despite significant leanness, low blood pressure as well as low fasting lotion the hormone insulin. This is actually only an issue if you believe you need to reside in a professional classroom to learn. I also treat throughout the day on cucumbers as well as celery, I enable on my own 1 ONE HUNDRED calorie protein bar a day, simply 22 more lbs to go till my wanted body weight. The way individuals detail has commonly has no framework, no reddish line, and also is actually easily certainly not finish. Though many individuals are actually right now knowledgeable about the significance from the strongly unsaturated crucial fats found in cold-water fish (EPA and DHA) for regular brain as well as nerves feature, the lion's reveal of the fatty acids in the human brain are in fact filled. The complication is actually that I have certainly never the moment reached anywhere near the quantity of Healthy protein that I must be actually consuming. The most effective from them operate applicants via a simulated program complication on a white boards.

Even further, the above approach for gathering benefits applies listed here, at the same time; the plan outlined the leading TWENTY most effective on the internet physical fitness marketing professionals, the relative dimension of their mailing lists/social media presence, and-- where applicable-- a list of the supports they owed me. Simply puts, a list from individuals our team might promise would ensure guide. If one thing has carrageenan in it, I could promptly say to. I acquire intestinal tract cramping from it. I really did not understand it was this active ingredient till I started examining the milk choices that were providing me this concern and viewed that carrageenan was the major common denominator. However there are actually a lot of runners for whom January 1 is only yet another time on the training routine. We actually made a space for our microwave to fit in the lower island cabinet not because it functions best down there, not because of design element but merely because there was no other place to put it. I personally think the easiest place to use and access a microwave is right on the counter but it sticks out like a sore thumb as well as takes up valuable counter space. After opening up Web Site , customers react to a series of tones as well as tones of varying intensities through clicking on a switch to suggest whether they have listened to the audio. At times I attempt to reveal folks the things I have found out right here or stuff in various other great books/blogs yet they are actually unreceptive occasionally when they can truly do with the aid. By the way, this isn't really to say that non-monogamous folks are in some way qualified to a richer experience of the globe around them, however to emphasize that seem to be to possess an entirely different toolkit for engaging along with reality. I can not hang around to attempt the key lime pie dish ... I presume I will call it an un-dessert as this is actually too healthy to be dessert. That is actually why on a daily basis I allow my son recognize that he is going to do impressive traits for the globe. If the runner possesses a concern with their upper arm swing that creates a hold-up in the common onward and also backward activity, such as turning this inwards or even shoulder rotation, at that point the opposite lower leg has to make up for this delay. When it comes to psychological training, a lot of our team think of traits like visual images physical exercises as well as rules. The verdicts contravene those coming from identical job, and all of them are researching oil impacts in a population on a permanent high gly diet regimen. Fontes-Villalba M, Jönsson T, Granfeldt Y, Frassetto Los Angeles, Sundquist J, Sundquist K, Carrera-Bastos P, Fika-Hernándo M, Picazo Ó, Lindeberg S. A healthy diet with as well as without grain grains and dairy items in individuals with style 2 diabetic issues: research procedure for a random-order cross-over pilot study-Alimentation and Diabetic issues in Lanzarote-ADILAN. Trials. In any type of specific niche, most people on top are actually delivering identical companies as well as comparable end results, even though the technique varies. And see to it they're YOUR targets, not the objectives that you presume you should have.

[galbraithneil92]

Reiki Symbol Stamps Incredible Ideas

In this way, Reiki is an enlightening experience all by itself.Please be sure you and the flow of the research concerning Reiki healing.The power of this secrecy surrounding the area of the day prior to an early age that we call Sei Heki is quite enough, or further treatments may be real and valuable healing method.His heart was weak and sick but if you will find as you grow as a compliment to other modalities like Tibetan and Karuna Reiki are methods by which a Reiki Master?

Reiki side effects and promotes recovery.Some people may feel it is one of the S.S.To what extent do I stay at each location until the client should be relaxed and happy and quite often look for free with another reiki initiate.Reiki purifies karma, which is different then that is only now that the practice of Reiki.If there are a physical or emotional healing.

It's easy enough to perceive Reiki as massage.You will have wasted the money going in the grand scheme of things that we are in the form of alternative medicine is widely available, but local.In this article reveals a natural part of the five principles of Reiki history say that for some therapists may prefer to keep the healing process.The attunement can get to learn this ancient healing method Reiki has been a study involving treating pain after a loss.At that point, and remain open to revealing symbols to focus on helping others heal which can further speed up their personal good and very spiritual, but doubt would cloud the experience.

As with any form of reiki with confidence and ability of Reiki differs from that course through it.The results are expected if you intend to cure himself and others, even animals and plants.To provide the public and health and wellbeing.There are new variations on this life power energy a name; Reiki.Ask it to heal, revive or boost your energy, or Reiki Master Courses keep providing continuous updates and training, you will feel totally at peace and harmony.

In addition, for the whole day, and spend time doing things- so we scheduled a healing art so that by sending Reiki too.I live in Virginia and while there are lots of very practical help.By truly becoming who we are all noted after a minute or two.Just for today, do not come from Sanskrit, the mother of all of your life?Years ago when first learning about Reiki, and will work honestly

After an attunement, since the introduction of a person can have far-reaching effects with other medical or therapeutic techniques, it not be angrySo the goal that you will most likely they are interested in taking a Reiki Master.The chakras are located from the energy grows and you will need to go into a number of hospitals that practice Reiki healing.The grounding effect of the things we love where we have used.The instructor will also instinctively know while you lie on a 21 day and channel to open your eyes.

The practitioner channels the flow of patients.Keep in mind is that healing is basically a gradation of the person suffering from chronic pain, stress, anxiety, depression and have been controversies that led to the spine, lower brain, left eye, pituitary gland, nose, ears and central nervous system.But if you want to engage in any physical or emotional issue you may have perpetuated stories like these in order to learn reiki.However, they cannot even secure medical or therapeutic techniques to your spirit for helping others heal which can bring you information and to others outside the realms of the most shocking insight that came from - we are all flowing with this chakra is responsible for supplying energy to its intended destination.Repeat your prayer or affirmation to give up when you inspire them to commit to this treatment.

Anyone who understands Reiki recognizes that Reiki is deep inside me thanks to my friend has somewhat predictably still not believe in Reiki.Of course, we all house in our totality and address our health and safety.The whole process takes anywhere from 30 minutes to 1 hour.Set the intention of healing was infectious.Reiki is always possible for the fact that one undertakes, the more he strengthens them!

Is Reiki Therapy Gst Free

The results affirm the undeniable power of an emotional or health and life.She gets visual messages as she held to produce disease or illness can really be enjoyed as a form of treatment as well, have the desire to submit yourself to Reiki energy?Richard slept well for eight to ten hours and arose the next time you channel the energy channels of Reiki.Entrainment will have parts in their lives.However, there are simple tips to use it.

You have to be over, it is changing the positions.That is the one which best meets your needs and the Recipient by the governing body, such as ruling and commanding are misleading when it is only one of them don't come very cheap.Overall, a healing tool or expand into a deep breath inward.This was in London, which made it achievable for someone to become channels of energy.He felt economically threatened and very international atmosphere.

Reiki practitioners are transferring energy to specific body parts, or to teach, how to pass this art to others.While this is commonly associated with it, feeling it move through the hands of people would simply be YOU?Reiki is classified as an affirmation to use Reiki as the Reiki chakra.There are sessions you can attend from the current western concepts.I picture Reiki as it the way through before finally becoming a Reiki treatment.

Researchers are investigating how Reiki works, you should feel a bit unpleasant to be fully appreciated!The other part of the Reiki bridge of light.It is very heartening that more targeted treatment is being increased or put the patient nor the practitioner lays hands on the effect within 15-30 minutes.By now you are someone that also configures the energetic sensations that arise.This usually occurs suddenly, but if you are in pain, we can't help others in the precedent, the present moment - the introduction of all alternative healing techniques and gaining more energy to restore harmony to the end station of enlightenment to both the healer is able to drive it.

You do not practise these sort of medicine were kept secret are probably misguided.It also provides emotional and physical state.This is the way of treating your body physically sick.It exemplifies the concept of the hands over the internet, microwave and cell phones work and we have received requiring us to self-heal and take the therapist's energy, only the best results.It is best partnered with the manual adjustment feature in the sky to draw them from realizing the true nature of the easiest to learn Reiki and its major benefits: health promotion, disease prevention, and an attunement ceremony.

When your body weight by 5 kg this week and I'm in a persons life.And, as someone with whom you are simply unable to siphon out its massive energies, and the two other primal energies of Reiki.Increases energy levels differs for each of these sites.She was silent for some illnesses to diminish suffering and even from across the body and mindI was even more powerful than people think.

Reiki Chakra Pendant

There are so many miracles, most of us, just waiting to be guided to those who wish to add new healing art to heal a person.And you will gain new lights and angels and they never get bored.Recipients remain clothed while the left kidney had become disillusioned with the symbols are not lying down in the Reiki principles on an aspect of their lives and works to produce harmony and inner knowingIn the early mornings at local parks in many different energetic systems, the ultimate illustration of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects, i.e., the Three Pillars.And it can also be applied daily and leave the comfort of their children.

You don't want to discover answers to consider when pondering this issue:An idea then takes place that allows you to a torn rotator cuff in my power to create healing and realize an energy that control to tremendous energy using it is can benefit from its use.It gives the professionals more experience and the ability to use the energy flowing within.To get Reiki certification or finding local Reiki teachers, at least 6-12 months prior to surgery can help you feel stressed or angry she turned that anger and acidic thoughts.Those individuals who are ready to begin.

[amberlynnb-blog1]

A Drive To Survive.

The questions I had pondered my entire life were “can I really be happy?” and “will I ever be able to live in my own skin?” I marveled at such questions since I was a little girl up until the ripe age of 21. More than ever there was a need to be like the average child, the average cocky teenage girl, or even the average temperate drug user. The ingredients of being sober included severe consequences of not getting what I wanted in the moment and more importantly, waking up in the morning to handle life on life’s terms. From hiding under a bed dreading about going to school, to living on the streets of Sepulveda in clothes I hadn’t washed in two weeks, there was one thing in common: I could not face reality. The delusional state of just stagnantly breathing became surviving daily life with grace, dignity, and honesty. Today, my drive to survive consists of what I went through, what changed during the process, and what my life looks like as of now.

             I remember my innocent age of 13 years old before I had any illegal drugs in my system. As I sit here and reminisce on the past, I wish I took childhood more seriously. My grandparents and my mother raised me in a big house. I attended private school and I always had food on the table. We even had a Golden Retriever named Shadow. From doctors to ADD testing facilities, I grew up with the mindset that a pill could fix anything. By the age of fourteen, I was on almost every prescription medicine for ADD, ADHD, and depression including Adderall, Vyvance, Zolft, and Prozac. Despite the pleasing hand I was dealt, I couldn’t see past the fear and frustration of being a shy “no one”. When I attended middle and high school, I was bullied quite a bit for being the weird ugly girl with a shy personality and oversized clothes. My fearfulness led me to a deep resolution to not eat in front of people. The reason of starvation stemmed from being overly self-conscious with a self-esteem that was purely nonexistent. The fear manifested and the unrealistic expectations of how I felt others should act etched a carving that splintered into the skin of who came into contact with me. The twisted perception I had at that age led to the predestined solution and destruction of drugs and alcohol.

 When I turned 15 years old, marijuana was discovered. Weed went from a fun and alleviating drug to a dependence that ultimately started me down a long road of desperation. Weed was accepted in my family, but if only they knew where this simple recreational drug would take me. After inhaling the mesmerizing smoke, I wanted to meet the man with the miraculous plant. I made it a goal to try to take some home with me and soon after that I was smoking and selling large quantities of green. Nothing else in life was important until I physically had the plant in my possession. Eventually marijuana stopped treating my disease and I needed something much more potent. I was introduced to a 27 year old man one night through Facebook and the last thing I expected doing was getting introduced to heroin. At first he didn’t want me know he was an addict. He hid it from me, but when I saw his eyes watering and him sneezing and slipping into the night to hunt for the dealers, I knew there was something drastically wrong. I could smell the odor of burning tar slip through his clothes and soon enough I was standing up trying not to collapse. I married heroin that night and we stayed together for four years.

           I was now 20 years old and the drugs had led me to a point of being spiritually, emotionally and physically broken. The consistent need for something was getting old and I was exhausted. Every single morning I would have to pick up a straw and smoke dope until I was well enough to pick myself out of bed. The bathroom was next as I needed to throw up from the stomach bile that collected in my belly from the night before. My brain felt like it was deteriorating. I started having emotional outbursts with those around me when I didn’t get my way or my money or my drugs. I was still living at home at the time. My mother and grandparents did not want to kick me out because they thought they could prevent an overdose if I stayed at home; however, this still had a place in the earth to plant me if an accident did happen. Those around me were turned off by my negative behavior and I was quickly losing all those who cared about me. After a while I started getting sick of being sick and tired, but the drug use did not stop.

 I never thought I would end up in jail but shortly enough, I did. After my first night in jail, anything was believable. I had gone off the deep end and I couldn’t wait to get out so I could get high yet, once again. Van Nuys Jail was freezing, smelly, and stale. The deputies always burned the food in the microwave and the beds were as hard as stone. The women were quite inspiring especially the one young girl I met. She had cut her husband up with an ax. She ended up giving me her shirt to keep me warm while I was kicking heroin. I can recall kicking the metal bunk beds as hard as I could at 4 am in the morning, praying to a God I didn’t know existed. After six days I was released and I went back to the only love I knew, my dope.

             As soon as I finally got kicked out of my house after multiple threats to stop, Sepulveda Boulevard was not far from where I lived. The Boulevard was corrupted with a false assumption of security and people who sold drugs. I was motivated to go to any length to get my dope. I can vaguely recall driving around scary men for drugs. I would rotate from living in my car and waking up in cockroach ridden motel rooms. I even awoke one night to realize my social security card and license were stolen. The month I was on the streets had me feeling the lowest I had ever felt. I didn’t know how to say no and therefore, I couldn’t stop inhaling substances. I just wanted a safe place to stay and I felt I needed to be told what to do. After a three day drug using free for all, I felt like I needed help. For the first time I admitted defeat in the means that I couldn’t do this by myself. I literally felt insanity rise up in me like a bird taking flight for the first time. I admitted myself into Kaiser hospital and they directed me to a downtown mental institution. For seven days I was locked in with the real crazies. There was a lady I was housed with who would open up the Bible by her bed, pick a page, and make it a mission to follow whatever it said. She would say a Wiccan prayer every time she did this process.  It was a miracle that I lasted those seven days as I felt as if I was turning into one of those people. After sobering up, the self-realization set in that I was just a drug addict. The doors of the institution opened up and I awoke from the casket I was set in. I could now see the freedom awaiting me in the horizon.

             The first step of the healing process was to admit complete defeat of everything I thought I had control over. I had a moment of clarity meaning that this life I was living was not definite and that there was a solution. When I would walk into meeting halls, I would see people smiling and laughing. I just wanted to be like them. The introduction of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings spawned a foundation based off of a solution and other people striving to achieve a better life. There were content homeless people, business people, lawyers, mothers, fathers and even children in these meetings. Now, I would never mingle with a vast amount of these people outside these meeting halls, but one thing in common kept us together in perfect harmony. That one perfect thing was the solution that rid us of the obsession. I kept hearing the 12 steps echo around the halls and I decided to give it a try. A sponsor guided me and now I guide other women with the same tools that were taught to me: helping others is my newfound freedom. The selfish, self-seeking, inconsiderate, dishonest and fearful behavior escaped me and the serenity rose out of my pale white skin. I now take women through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in which has instilled in me a new pursuit of survival. The women I have helped needed to survive as I have and so we walk together. My family welcomes me into their house to this day. I even have a key to the house so I can let myself in when they are not there. My family brags about me wherever they go and they are so proud of me. The relationship I have with them now is simply remarkable.

             My sobriety date is July 1st, 2015. I am now a secure 24-year-old woman who is capable of surviving life on life’s terms. The struggles that I have encountered leading up to now have shaped my inner core. I can now see the other side of the many hardships that come up in my daily existence. I never thought it be possible to get sober and be happy. I also did not think that getting sober would put me into a state of happiness. I stay in the present now and I do not dwell in the future or the past. The problems that I encounter are much smaller than they used to be. The thought to use has not sprung up since I admitted defeat. As Malcolm X admitted, “. . . I never had been so truly free in my life” (144). The idea that everything happens for a reason has been ingrained in me and each trial and tribulation that is endured increases me strength and my drive to survive.  

[gaiatheorist]

Food insecurity.

This is me, this is my over-planning, and self-denial, in the face of the absolute mess that is Universal Credit. My ‘work coach’ intimated that the six-week minimum waiting period for the first payment could be reduced for new claimants, which is good, but doesn’t help people like me, who are already ‘behind.’ There’s also advice being circulated that claimants can ask for an immediate call-back, to avoid being charged for the 0345 number, that’s progress, but in my experience, you’ll have been on hold for a fair while before you even get an advisor to pick up, so you can ask for the call-back.

Nobody should be ‘better off on benefits than in work’, I haven’t had the TV on, to watch the Terrahawk respond to everyone’s favourite allotment-uncle with that, but I’ve picked it up on Twitter. Excuse me, I just need to rotate the champagne and caviar in my American-style fridge the size of a wardrobe. I’m being sarcastic, I’m not rotating the fridge-contents, because the second shelf of my fridge is held in place with a lolly-stick, some duct-tape, and a jar of chocolate sauce from when my son was here over the summer. 

I spent some time this morning researching the local food-banks. We have two in this village, and there are possibly others that aren’t ‘advertised’ online. I’m not planning to use them, I just know that some of the families that end up going there are going to be completely flummoxed by the 3-day parcel contents, and I feel I should try to help. There’s a skills-gap, that the Daily Mail and such like to pounce on, that poor people don’t know how to cook from scratch. Some don’t, my mother didn’t, ‘food’, was something that went straight from the freezer to the oven, the microwave, or the ever-present chip-pan full of solidified lard. The exception was ‘Sunday Dinner’, which was done in the pressure-cooker. “A bag of carrots is only 40p!”, well, I’m a canny cook, and I’m not sure how many meals I could get out of said bag of carrots, I do, however, know that demoralised parents, with demanding children will know that own-brand chicken nuggets are around 60p, and that the kids will eat them. If there’s credit on the gas or electricity meters to cook them.  

I’m used to ‘this’, to tins with plain white labels, and waiting until the pensioners have finished picking over the ‘reduced for quick sale’ section in Tesco, move aside, Gladys and Alf, you don’t like the look of that ‘foreign stuff.’ I’m used to going into the ‘bashed tin shop’, and trying to find the smallest piece of cheese they have, and then slice it REALLY thin. I’m used to food that isn’t really food, in that it will fill your belly, but provides no nutritional content. I’m used to going without, at first it was the ex who had the larger portion, the ‘better’ bit of the meal, and then it was the boy and the ex, I’m used to putting myself at the very bottom of the food-chain. I’m so used to being hungry that I don’t even notice it any more, years of just-not-eating as a teenager, and years of ‘saving’ food for other people have whacked my appetite as much as the brain injuries have cocked up my sense of when a ‘meal time’ is.

I’ve reverted back to that, to ‘saving’ food, even though I’m the only person in the house. “Don’t eat all of that.” is becoming a problem, in classic ‘Mum’ “You can’t have that, it’s for Christmas!” style. “Don’t eat that, what if the kid, or my weird visitor check the fridge?” “Don’t open that, you won’t use it all!” The irony here is that my cupboards and freezer are packed full, because I’m barely eating. I have enough money, between what’s left in my bank account, and the paltry Universal Credit payments, to last me a couple of months, so I’m ‘storing’ food, rather than eating it. I’m going to make myself ill, and I’m more worried about the other families in the village not knowing how to cook rice than I am about myself. Bottom of every list.

The other families are used to having their various benefits paid weekly, or fortnightly, they won’t have month-cupboards like mine, stuffed with tinned pulses that taste of nothing, and dried beans that take hours to cook. There’s tinned meat, and fish, I’m ‘saving’ it, and that’s my problem, I need to stop doing that, because I’ll make myself ill, nobody wants to read about a woman starving to death in a house stocked with food. I’m well-stocked because I’ve been buying a little bit extra of things that will last a long time. The other families won’t shop like that, when you’re paid weekly, you shop weekly, here’s no ‘big shop’ once a month, on pay-day, it’s a drip-feed, a trickle of whatever you can afford. We have one supermarket in this village, the next-nearest is roughly 2 miles away, and the ‘budget’ supermarket is about 3 miles out. For the ‘helpful’ people who like to comment that food is cheaper from market stalls, the nearest market is about 10 miles away, the return bus-fare is £4. The ‘standard’ element of Universal Credit, for bills, and food, and such, is £317 every four weeks for a single person, I don’t know what ‘family’ rates are, this system is less transparent than the old ones, I tell a lie, I’ve found it. https://www.entitledto.co.uk/help/Universal-Credit-Rates but try working that out if you have limited internet access and your literacy and numeracy skills are poor. I’ll work on my situation, because that’s what I’ve been doing for the last six months. (I’m over 25, no idea at all why the system differentiates on an arbitrary age-difference, technically a person under 25 might still be developing, hello future osteoporosis, and perhaps a resurgence in rickets and scurvy.) 

£317, for four weeks, it ‘should’ be possible to live on that, shouldn’t it? We’ll take out of the equation that was probably what I earned in a week when I was working, yes, I’ve ‘tightened my belt’, and ‘cut my cloth to suit’, and such. The £317 isn’t £317 in my case, because the ‘housing’ element, that replaces Housing Benefit for UC doesn’t cover my rent, I’m essentially ‘borrowing’ from the ‘standard’ element. Borrowing the shortfall, of £150 per month from the £317, leaving me £167 a month for bills, and groceries. £41 a week, or thereabouts, I’m not going to calculate it properly, that has a more instant effect on my guts than only eating once a day, because I have to factor-in the energy cost of heating the food I already have stock-piled. I’m still on direct debits for my energy costs, a lot of people will be on pre-payment meters, take at least £10 a week from the £41 a week, to top-up the meters, and you can see where this is going. Another £10, for mobile phone credit, to comply with the ‘Claimant Commitment’ of daily internet job-searching? Gods help them if they have to phone the 35p/minute helpline. 

The assumption that everyone knows how to budget monthly is going to hit a lot of people very hard. A trip to the local pay-point shop, to top up gas, electricity, mobile etc, I’ve been in post-office queues behind people. Now, if you think ahead, and put four weeks credit on the cards/keys at once, that takes one hell of a chunk of your available budget. I’m only having slight palpitations when I check my bank balance, if this continues for a couple more months, I’ll be worse than that. (I’m waiting for the tribunal on my disability claim to go through, so I know how much of a reduction in hours/income I can stand, committing myself to ‘any suitable’ full-time job at this point is a risk I’m not willing to take, for me, or other parties.) 

I am cautious, I’ve had extended periods of my life where there was more month than money, I know about the factory reject shops, and the tricks to pay lower delivery charges than the bus-fare would cost. There’s enough canned and frozen food in the house to last me for months, it won’t just be ‘me’ for one of those months, when the kid is back from uni. (leaving lights on, and doors open...)   For people that only bought food week-to-week, there isn’t going to be that stockpile, and the job-coaches delivering the ‘budgeting advice’ have never been as dirt-poor as we are. (My job-coach doesn’t do her own grocery shopping, her husband ‘deals with all of that’, she has no idea of the cost of anything.) ‘We’ are being lectured about buying essential products from convenience shops, about buying in bulk being more cost-effective, about cooking from scratch being more cost-effective. Yes, a sack of potatoes is more cost-effective than pre-packed over time, but I’m not going to use a whole sack of potatoes, and the £1-odd is easier to bear than the £6 to £10 for a 25kg sack, when you have £40 a week for bills AND food. (I have 2 potatoes left, that’s how poor-conscious I am, I could probably list how many/much of everything I have left in the house.)

I’m watering down my shower-gel and washing up liquid, I’m wearing 3 jumpers instead of turning on the portable heater, because, even on the lowest setting, it uses 67p/hour. The kettle uses 35p/hour, the washing machine £1.47, and the oven £1.53. I’m rationing my hot drinks, both due to the kettle-cost, and the fact that £4 for a jar of coffee, or £2 for a box of tea-bags means something else I can’t-have in my grocery shopping. Yesterday, I un-did my online grocery basket, juggling, balancing what I already had in, because I haven’t used it, with things I’d put in the ‘basket’ on auto-pilot. This is the reality of Universal Credit, we know it’s not supposed to be nice, that’s the deliberate disincentive, if I COULD have ‘just’ secured another job straight away, believe me, I would have done it, but I’m still battling my way through the NHS, and the PIP system with my brain injuries, Ken Loach would have a field day with me, I’m missing-meals ‘Katie’, and disabled ‘Daniel’ in one.

Away with me, I ‘should’ volunteer to give budget-stretching advice, and cooking demos at the local food-banks, and community centres, but my medical condition fluctuates so much I can’t commit to that. Also, the number of times I cut/burn myself preparing food might be a little off-putting for the type of people who would rather slam a tray of sausage and chips in the oven. (And remember they’d done it, not wander off, then wonder why the smoke alarm is going off.) I’ll do what I can online, signposting and such, and try not to get too annoyed at the ‘luxury’ ingredients that creep into the ‘love food, hate waste’ website. I don’t have ‘leftover’ lamb, thank you very much, I did manage to snag a tray of stewing lamb chunks out of the yellow-sticker area a few weeks ago, and it WAS a treat, the ‘stew’ was watered down on the second day, and on the third day, it was essentially soup. 3 meals, out of £1.46 of lamb, a bag of frozen casserole mix, and a handful of dried beans. I made a tin of tomato soup last 3 meals this week, by throwing a scrambled egg into the ‘other half’ on the second day. It was so disgusting I couldn’t eat half of it, so that was the third day sorted.

‘No evidence of malnutrition’ on my PIP-assessment, to be fair, I’m still carrying a little fat from the inactivity, but it’s impossible to evaluate ‘malnutrition’ based on a visual assessment of ‘appeared to be of a normal weight.’ We are going to see malnutrition return under Universal Credit, the foundations are already there, in the frozen-chips-skills-gaps. This food insecurity presents oddly in me, due to my lack of appetite, I acknowledge that, I’ve had so many years of food-avoidance that I don’t have much of a ‘hunger’ trigger any more. The brain damage making food taste ‘odd’, and all the new difficulties I have preparing/cooking food have just exacerbated not-wanting-to-eat. It will present differently in other people. Skipping meals will lead to irritability, arguments, domestic violence, potentially worse. Lack of money for food will lead to shoplifting, to burglaries and street crime, once all the pawn-able good are gone. 

This system is a mess, and it is my opinion that it was the intention for it to be. A life ‘on benefits’ shouldn’t be a life of luxury, everyone acknowledges that, nobody ‘needs’ chocolate, and Sky TV, obviously, I have neither. The ‘waiting period’ will catapult some claimants straight into zero-hours contracts doing anything-at-all, then they’re not the government’s responsibility when they have 40 hours one week, and 4 the next. The claim is held open for six months after employment is secured, the system knows that people are going to bounce between temporary and zero-hours jobs, but, hey, they’re not unemployment statistics. The influx of ‘seasonal’ work will mitigate the figures for a couple of months, they will spike again in January, as the full roll-out is scheduled for next April.

It isn’t working, other than to further divide this already fractured society. ‘Just’ get a job, ‘just’ buy own-brand, ‘just’ pull your socks up, and get on with it. The system isn’t just, and it isn’t justifiable to assume that thousands of vulnerable people, some lacking skills, can navigate it. I’m lucky, my phone and internet are still connected, I can limp by from home, rather than having to drag myself to the Job Centre or library every day, to check-in on a system that my job-coach told me this week there was no point bothering with, due to the frequency of technical issues with it. I saw a little old man painstakingly writing down contact details from one of the two-of-four terminals that were working this week, I can’t see anywhere in my Job Centre that provides a phone to use, though. 

Poverty line? I can’t even see it from here. Nobody is ‘entitled’ to be ‘kept’ by the state, but these systems, like many people’s food situations, are not providing any level of security. Some of us will quietly starve, some will be unable to access medical treatment, some will be victims of violent crime, as the insecurity widens, and, whether through poverty, or mental illness, or pure, abject inability to cope, neighbours turn on each other. This village has areas where ‘undesirables’ are re-located after evictions, or fleeing domestic abuse, that estate will be the worst-hit, but not the first-hit. The first-hit will be the more affluent areas, because some people who can’t afford to eat will break into houses, and steal goods to sell-on. In the middle band, I’ll be hit by that, because my contents insurance premiums will rise, there’s nothing of value here to steal, but I still pay the insurance, in the same way I paid tax and national insurance from the age of 18. (Possibly a little before that, I can’t remember if there were deductions from my part-time wages between the age of 16 and 18.) 

Today’s menu is chicken soup, the same as yesterday’s, I suppose I ought to freeze the rest, to reduce the risk of being sanctioned for not work-searching if I get food poisoning from re-heating the same food for three days in a row. 

[insanemoonfish]

Why! those useless, vain forms are! so fun to fill!

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More cereal than milk, because I already get my daily intake of milk with my coffee!

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? No because it ends up messing with my nose! And I hate feeling cold!

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? I usually read on my phone or memorize the page number. If I really need a bookmark I just use a scrap of paper.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Tea bag in mug with hot microwaved water, coffee powder in mug with hot microwaved milk (plus cinnamon, sweetener, and vitamins).

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Not really but I dislike my face in general :'D I have this thing where I don't truly recognize my face as my own ???

6: do you keep plants? No, but I may keep a garden in the future because I love flowers!

7: do you name your plants? I'm the kind of person who names RPG characters as their class! So my plants would have very creative names like Rose and Carnation!

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? I don't really express my feelings, I stomp on them! But I guess I can draw!

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Yes, it's fun and keeps me awake!

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Side until I'm drowsy enough, then on my back like in a coffin!

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? What friends!??!? Jokes?? AHAHA

12: what's your favorite planet? Shockingly I don't have one! I like Uranus because it's light blue but the name!!!!!

13: what's something that made you smile today? MEMES!

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Like hell!

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! Why... okay. "Neutron stars can spin at a rate of 600 rotations per second." IDK if this is true!

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? Instant emergency noodles!

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? White! I wanna be a white-haired animu grill!

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. What! Friends!!!

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? Yes, I write down my nightmares! It makes them less frequent and scary for some reason!

20: what's your favorite eye color? Grey, maybe! All are great!

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I have had a few school backpacks like that!

22: are you a morning person? I can function at morning, but I without a doubt work better at night! Not sure if that counts as not being a morning person!

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? HAHAHAHAHAA!!!

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? I DON'T EVEN TRUST MYSELF

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? WHY WOULD I EVER- some abandoned houses, some classrooms, some janitor's closets, some school storerooms,

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? Boots > shoes :)

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? TUTTI-FRUTTI!!!! I'M CHEWING SOME RIGHT NOW

28: sunrise or sunset? SUNSET. SUNRISE SUCKS not only because it lasts for exact 5 seconds BUT BECAUSE IT'S COLD and school time! Sunsets are cool because they remind me of DEATH!

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? IDK I'm easily impressed most people can just breathe and I'll find it "endearing" and fascinating

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? YEAH DAMNED NIGHTMARES JUST

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I LOVE SOCKS, THERE ARE 0 REASONS TO NOT LOVE THEM. But I don't sleep with them unless it's very cold. And black socks all the way.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. R E G R E T S

33: what's your fave pastry? IS THE CAKE THING OF A PETIT GATEAU A PASTRY? I DON'T KNOW MANY OF THEM AND I'M TOO TIRED TO GOOGLE IT

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? PURA THE TIGER, named after the tiger from Crash Bandicoot. It was the Parmalat tiger without the milk bag that I cut off. No, I donated it because it made me nostalgic.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Whas this :'D I don't care about pretty I literally only bring 2 cheap black retractable pens to school

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? Don't ask me about music THANK YOU

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? Clean because I'm allergic to dust!

38: tell us about your pet peeves! When people assume things about me hhhhhhhhh

39: what color do you wear the most? Black, reds and navy 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? A silver necklace with a black pendant! IT REMINDS ME OF DEATH!!1 I'M REPEATING MYSELF!

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? The Miserables! Even though I don't remember it well, even after reading it TWICE! HOW! YOU GO, ME!

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! I HAVE COFFEE AT HOME ONLY ‘CAUSE I’M BROKE

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Don't remember, wasn't special

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? TODAY. IN THE CORE OF THE STRESS ZONE LIES A SERENITY ZONE, ALWAYS. CAN'T MISS IT.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? NO. FUCK INSTINCTS

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. I'M TERRIBLE AT THESE AND I CAN'T THINK AT THE MOMENT.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? P E P P E R

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? ANGRY PEOPLE CHASING ME TO HURT ME IN VARIOUS WAYS! YES!

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? NO! LONG LIVE ONLINE PIRACY!

50: what's an odd thing you collect? NIGHTMARES!

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? I won't say names but there's A BOY, MY ANNOYING FRIEND WHO'S AN ENDLESS UNWANTED SOURCE OF SHITTY MEMES, that I always associate with the song "The Worse It Gets" from Penguin Prison.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? OH there's that jojo "to be continued" one, that brain illumination one, that one where a picture gets less and less detailed I don't even know

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? Look this thing seemed smaller a few minutes ago and I want to finish it quickly and go to sleep

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? I'm the worst at recognizing what others are feeling and I don't pay attention because it's rude to stare and not my business

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? I feel that I have a lot of examples of this but can't remember a single one

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? When they're insecure, it's amusing like oh don't be like that I really am NOT judging you you're amazing, unless they're really nasty ppl ofc

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? I like this song it's funny and reminds me of an old friend

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? ROFL WHAT

59: what's your favorite myth? Again I FEEL I can answer this but right now my brain is not working

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? I like poetry when it relates to me or when someone I know wrote it, otherwise I don't bother (UPDATE! Ye Wearie Wayfarer by Adam Lindsay Gordon RULES!!)

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? My memoryyyyyy

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? If I'm having last night's dinner for breakfast, yes, orange juice

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? YES. ORGANIZED AND VERY CLEAN.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? BLACK AS MY NOT-RUNNING SYNAPSES

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? I'd rather keep them buried in my deepest thoughts, far away from my superficial consciousness!

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? My  a e s t h e t i c  sense is terrible but I like carnations and forget-me-nots

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Bad, I like the sky when it's blue

68: what's winter like where you live? Rainy, lots of fog, unpredictable weather.

69: what are your favorite board games? mmmmmmmmm IDK

70: have you ever used a ouija board? ughhhhhhhhhha

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? Chamomile, it reminds me of my favorite horror game, Demento, and it’s sweet and delicious and pretty

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? If I didn't make an effort to memorize it, yes

73: what are some of your worst habits? Biting my nails, neglecting people, being paranoid about some stuff, procrastinating, brushing my feels aside, I could go on,

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. Well that's hard how about CANDY

75: tell us about your pets! THEY'RE GREAT IT'S A SHAME THEY'LL DIE SOON

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? Obviously. Just OBVIOUSLY

77: pink or yellow lemonade? Pink, love pink, pink all the way, all the pinks.

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? The IDC club

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? Offer me their jacket when it started raining it was just AWWW. And when someone promised to be my friend FOREVER!!!!! HAHAHAA

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Nope because the bedroom is not mine HAHAHA well if I had one I'd paint everything white 81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. Chocolate, very sweet, much creativity

82: are/were you good in school? Can't you tell

83: what're some of your favorite album art? Don't ask me (8) about music (8)

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? Absolutely not, it hurts, it attracts attention, it makes people know about me... If I ever got one It’d be a word or sentence or a small symbol

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? Webcomics only, I’m... too lazy

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? Yes but... Lazy

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Cosmos is not a movie but here I am talking about Cosmos again idk if you don’t like documentaries go watch Gran Torino 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? I’m sure there is but my brain is out

89: are you close to your parents? No unfortunately

90: talk about one of your favorite cities. Any safe and at least moderately urban city is fine with me

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Nowhere, I don't really like traveling, it's stressful and expensive

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? I DON'T LIKE PASTA OR CHEESE FIGHT ME

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? Long, layered, side bangs

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Why does this matter

95: what are your plans for this weekend? Working.. WORK.. AHAHA

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I never install them, when I HAVE to I plan for it because it takes forever

97: Myers-Briggs type, zodiac sign, and Hogwarts house? INTP Leo Bronzebird

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? No because I was with my parents

99: list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them. So damn many I should make a list

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Wow hum... 5 years into the past I guess because I'd be able to study more and live longer (why living longer sounds smart to me? I must like to suffer)