#i rolled ridiculous high stats for them so almost all their stats where like 16
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Frost a Dark Elf Bard (can you tell i like bards yet?). The campaign they were apart of was suposed to be a Christmas oneshot, it did not stay that way. All of the characters where various Christmas characters recontextualized as dnd characters. Mine was Jack frost. They were a Christmas caroler who got roped up in saveing Christmas. We never got to finish this campaign.
#art#dnd#dark elf#bard#winter#ice#cold#christmas#i know its setember it but they where next on the list of dnd characters#nonbinary#jack frost#i rolled ridiculous high stats for them so almost all their stats where like 16
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Fate and Phantasms #123: Gawain
Today on Fate and Phantasms, we’re making Buster Gorilla himself, Gawain! Big man, big sword, big fires. Let’s go.
Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!
Next up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOZuxwVk7TU
Race and Background
Take a wild guess. Go on, I dare you.
Gawain’s a Variant Human, giving him +1 Strength and Charisma as well as proficiency with Investigation. His interlude was entirely about tracking down the people who stole his stuff, he’s got a knack for it. He also gets the Magic Initiate feat, giving you two cantrips and first level spell from the Sorcerer spell list and bumping your Charisma up by one. You get to cast Absorb Elements once per long rest for free, but we’re really here for Green-Flame Blade. Your Galatine is an AoE effect, so we can’t replicate it with normal smites like Lancelot. You also get the Light cantrip. Make your sword shiny, go nuts.
Like every other Knight of the Round you’re a Knight of the Order, giving you Persuasion and Religion proficiency because you have to know what the grail is if you want to hunt for it.
Ability Scores
Your nickname’s “Buster Gorilla”, your Strength is going to be pretty high. Aside from that you’re a pretty easy guy to like, so that’s Charisma covered. After that is Constitution, you’re pretty tough. When the sun’s out, at least. Your Wisdom certainly isn’t bad, it’s good enough to get you a sweet job as a guard in Camelot. Your Dexterity is a bit low, you’re kind of a giant brick that gets thrown around than a dancer. Finally, drop Intelligence. You’re called an airhead in your own biography, which is harsh, but fair.
Class Levels
1. Paladin 1: Continuing Gawain’s hotstreak of 0 surprises, this class! You get a Divine Sense to detect extraplanar creatures nearby. You can also Lay on Hands for a bit of healing
You get proficiency in Wisdom and Charisma saves and two paladin skills. Athletics adds to your meathead aesthetic and Insight makes tracking down those material thieves a bit easier.
2. Paladin 2: You’ve got a great sword, so grab Great Weapon Fighting for a better average of damage by letting you re-roll 1s and 2s on your damage with two-handed weapons. It’s not huge for a regular sword, but you can burn spell slots for Divine Smite, adding a bunch of radiant damage dice to your attack. Speaking of which, you can cast and prepare Spells using your Charisma now.
Normally this is where we’d talk about what spells suit you best, but you’re pretty much the generic holy knight, so there isn’t really a stand out option until level three. Searing Smite‘s good if you want another way to use Galatine though.
3. Paladin 3: Swearing to be by Arthur’s side makes you an Oath of the Crown paladin, granting you immunity to disease thanks to your Divine Health, and two flavors of Channel Divinity, a feature you can use once per short rest. Champion Challenge spends a bonus action to force creatures near you who fail a wisdom save (dc 8 plus your proficiency plus your charisma modifer) to stay within 30′ of you. You could also Turn the Tide as a bonus action, healing bloodied creatures nearby. As a third option, you can Harness Divine Power, turning your channel divinity use into a spell slot.
As a final crown goody, you can keep Command and Compelled Duel on your prepared spell list for free to really swing the power of the law around.
4. Paladin 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to bump up that Strength. Gotta get those buster cards busted.
5. Paladin 5: Fifth level paladins get an Extra Attack each action, and you also get second level spells like your freebies Warding Bond and Zone of Truth. Warding bond will be especially fun in a level or two. Give someone else resistance to damage, give yourself resistance to damage, tank for days, fun for the whole family.
6. Barbarian 1: First level barbarians can Rage, giving you extra attack damage, advantage on strength saves and checks, and physical damage resistance. The downside is you can’t cast or concentrate on spells while raging, and more importantly, you can’t wear heavy armor to use this. Also, rages only last for like a minute, not the three hours your Numeral of the Saint normally lasts. If it helps any, you also get Unarmored Defense, giving you a base AC of 10 plus your dexterity modifier plus your constitution modifier. It’s not a good AC, but it’s better than being naked normally would be.
7. Barbarian 2: Second level barbarians get a Reckless Attacks, giving you advantage on all your attacks for a turn in exchange for enemies having advantage when they hit you. Ideally you’ll have fried them all to a crisp before they get the chance, but it’s a risk you’ll have to keep in mind. You also get a Danger Sense, giving you advantage on dexterity saves for things you can see coming. That should help make up for the base stats a bit.
8. Barbarian 3: Now that you’re a Storm Herald, you can make a Storm Aura when you rage. Storm heralds get a bunch of options, but we’re here for the Desert aura, dealing a touch of fire damage to everything nearby for an area of effect flame burst. It’s only 2 damage per burst, but it’s a bonus action. Just smite and use this at the same time, it’ll be fine.
9. Barbarian 4: Odd numbers make me cry, so use this ASI to become more Resilient. This bumps your Constitution up by one, and you gain proficiency in constitution saves. This also increases your HP by 9, because constitution modifiers affect health retroactively.
10. Paladin 6: Going back to the paladin side of things for a bit, you get an Aura of Protection that adds your charisma modifier to all saves made by friendly creatures in its range.
11. Paladin 7: Seventh level Crown paladins can use their Divine Allegiance to take the damage any creature within five feet of you would take as a reaction. Just a note, this damage can’t be reduced. I’m not entirely sure how that plays out with rage, but it’s probably not good for you.
12. Paladin 8: To help out with the whole “surviving being the party tank” thing, use this ASI to bump up your Constitution for more HP.
13. Paladin 9: Our final paladin level nets you some third level spells for even bigger smites and fancier spells. You can cast Spirit Guardians for a holy trap, or Aura of Vitality to heal creatures as a bonus action. But of course, that’s not the real reason we went this far. We’re here to grab Daylight, for the flavor. Even better, daylight doesn’t use concentration, so using daylight to help you rage at night is mechanically supported!
14. Barbarian 5: The extra attack you get this level isn’t that useful, but you also get Fast Movement, giving you an extra 10 feet of speed. Yaaay.
Oh wait, your storm aura also gets a bit stronger! Three damage instead of two!
15. Barbarian 6: Sixth level storm heralds awaken their Storm Soul, giving you resistance to fire damage, immunity to extreme heat (very useful in the desert), and you can set items on fire as an action. Technically swords aren’t flammable, but I’d allow it for the intimidation factor.
16. Barbarian 7: Your Feral Instinct gives you advantage on initiative rolls, and you can ignore being surprised by raging. Maybe now you won’t always be going last.
17. Barbarian 8: We’ve held off long enough. Use your last ASI to maximize your Strength for extra swording power.
18. Barbarian 9: Ninth level barbarians get Brutal Criticals, giving you an additional die of damage when you hit with a 20. Every little bit helps!
19. Barbarian 10: Your savage flames mix with your protective nature, making you a Shielding Storm, giving creatures in your storm aura resistance to fire damage, which is nice since they’re going to be taking a lot of it.
20. Barbarian 11: Your capstone level allows you to go into a Relentless Rage. While raging, going to 0 hp won’t knock you out right away. If you make a DC 10 constitution save, you drop to 1 hp instead. Each time you roll that save between short rests, the DC goes up by 5. Looks like that scarf you got from the Green Knight is finally coming in handy!
(I know the green sash doesn’t actually protect you from damage, but I wasn’t going to be able to fit “only gets super powers between 9am and 12pm into the build, and you’re only famous for so many things. At least you’re not as bad off as Artemis.)
Pros:
Your fiery soul makes you great at taking on flame-based enemies. Most of your damage comes from radiant energy, but you have plenty of defense against fire attacks, making you a good counter for red dragons and elementals.
With almost 200 hp, rage defenses, healing, and the ability to die up to five times and not stay down, you can be pretty tough to keep down for long. That also makes your entire party a little bit tougher, thanks to your ability to eat their damage for them.
You can pump out pretty consistent damage thanks to your great sword, smites, and fighting style. You’re not as flashy as Lancelot, but you have a pretty good shot at outlasting him.
Cons:
While mixing Barbarian levels in does make you tougher, it also has plenty of drawbacks. Stripping away your heavy armor is a big one, as it makes you dependent on your dexterity for your armor class. There’s also the problem that you’d want to stick close to squishier party members to protect them, at the same time exposing them to you constantly exploding.
Like a lot of the knights of the round, you have issues when it comes to ranged attacks. Anything that wanders too close won’t be an issue, but you might have problems if you end up fighting Tristan. That’s ridiculous though. Knights of the Round? Fighting each other? Never gonna happen.
Compared to other knights, your AC is relatively low. Considering you’re already taking other people’s hits for them, being easy to hit yourself isn’t great. Also, your paladin abilities can probably eat through your rage, which seriously weakens your tanking abilities.
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Fell Taints in the 13th Age
Fell taints were a weird monster that appeared in the 4e Monster Manual 2, got both a Dragon article in issue 376 and an appearance in a Dungeon adventure in issue 173, and are never going to appear in any D&D product ever again. They’re exactly the kind of strange bullshit that I love, a really unique monster with a fascinating idea behind them, and like so many others it never got any real attention in comparison to the classics. Part of this may also be that their name is kind of ridiculous. You don’t want to encounter a fell taint, but not because it’s a terrible monster. I’ve made 5e stats for two kinds of fell taints before, but for this I’m going to go all in on 13th Age conversions and make blocks for most, if not all, of them.
Fell taints are like aberrant jellyfish, only a bit more aggressive. They’re just a bundle of tentacles, body parts, eyes, tongues, mouths, and all the standard aberrant things, but far more colorful and in some descriptions and depictions actually beautiful. They float through the air hunting prey for psychic presence and emotions, and are quite good at working together to best utilize their varied abilities to bring down prey. Nothing they do leaves a mark on their foes, so a rash of completely pristine bodies may be a precursor to a fell taint infestation. Fell taints never communicate with other creatures however, and often seem to completely lack higher level understanding of their world. They can recognize threats, rarely attacking when outnumbered or against creatures that have proven dangerous in the past, but seem to have no recognition of other creatures being allied. A fell taint will occasionally follow a group of adventurers, feeding off of the fallen enemies, but the instant one of the adventurers falls in combat the fell taint will seek to feed off of that person as well, completely failing to realize that doing so will turn its steady food source against it.
Most fell taints are fairly small, only 2-3 feet in diameter, and they have no weight at all. Even when they lose their incorporeality and flight to feed, there’s no weight countering attempts to lift them up. When killed their body fades away after a few seconds, leaving just a slight misty residue behind that quickly gets swept away by wind and passing creatures. Proving their existence can be quite difficult for this reason. When there’s no food nearby, fell taints can go into a sort of hibernation, anchoring themselves into hidden corners and high ceilings to sleep until a new meal arrives.
They appear where alternate realms come close to this one, branching off and only partly real as they explore the new world they’re in. This may even further weaken the barrier between realms, and if left to feed and multiply for too long far more powerful aberrations could follow them through. No current Icon is at all interested in letting these things to gain a foothold in the world, though rumors of previous Icons such as the Alienist and the Great Mind suggest that someone out there may make a move to establish themselves as a new power if allowed.
Fell Taints
Most fell taints have the following abilities, though a few have variations on them noted in their stat blocks.
Fell Taint Feeding: The fell taint can feed off of an unconscious or helpless creature it’s engaged with. It loses its flight and incorporeal form abilities until the end of its next turn, and the target must immediately roll a hard save (16+); on a failure, the target loses a death save until the end of the battle (it will now die after failing 3 death saves or last gasp saves, and this is cumulative) and the fell taint immediately regains all of its hit points. Flight: Fell taints almost seem to simply ignore gravity, moving in three dimensions with no limitations. Even in death they simply hover in place before fading away. Incorporeal Form: When an enemy rolls a natural odd attack roll against the fell taint with an attack that doesn’t deal psychic damage, that attack only deals half damage. The fell taint also can’t be hampered or stuck.
Fell Taint Drone 1st-level mook [aberration] Initiative: +7 Vulnerability: Psychic Tendril Caress +6 vs. PD - 3 psychic damage Fell Taint Feeding: If the fell taint hits a helpless or unconscious creature with an attack, it gains 5 temporary hit points. Incorporeal Form: When an enemy rolls a natural odd attack roll against the fell taint with an attack that doesn’t deal psychic damage, that attack automatically misses and deals no damage and has no effect on the fell taint.. The fell taint also can’t be hampered or stuck. AC 17 PD 13 MD 12 HP 5 (mook)
Drones are pretty exceptional, though not in the way they might like. Immature fell taints, they are even more animalistic than other fell taints and don’t yet understand smart hunting tactics. They are more likely to attack even when outnumbered, and may not retreat even when more advanced fell taints leave the field of battle.
Fell Taint Lasher 1st-level blocker [aberration] Initiative: +5 Vulnerable: Psychic Tendril Caress +6 vs. PD - 5 psychic damage Natural Even Hit: The fell taint can use tendrils of stasis against the target as a free action. [Special Trigger] Tendrils of Stasis +6 vs. PD - the target is stuck until the end of the fell taint’s next turn Natural Even Hit: The target is also dazed as long as it is stuck. Flowing Tendrils: When the fell taint makes an opportunity attack, it can immediately move as a free action. AC 16 PD 12 MD 15 HP 22
Lashers close in on prey quickly, trying to lock them down so that pulsars and thought eaters can bring their most powerful attacks to bear. Lashers nearly always have more tentacles than other fell taints, though they have no more of a physical presence than any other kind.
Fell Taint Pulsar 1st-level caster [aberration] Initiative: +4 Vulnerable: Psychic Tendril Caress +6 vs. PD - 4 psychic damage R: Tendril Pulse +7 vs. PD (one nearby or far away enemy) - 6 psychic damage Natural Even Hit: The target is dazed until the end of the fell taint’s next turn. R: Tendril Flurry +7 vs. PD (three different nearby enemies) - 3 psychic damage Limited Use: The fell taint can use this ability only when the escalation die is even. AC 13 PD 13 MD 16 HP 18
Pulsars can send mind wrecking rays of light flying from their eyes, overwhelming the minds of creatures further away from them. They try to stay out of reach of retaliatory attacks, finding areas with high ceilings or rough ground to launch attacks.
Fell Taint Thought Eater 1st-level caster [aberration] Initiative: +4 Vulnerability: Psychic Tendril Caress +5 vs. PD - 5 psychic damage R: Spirit Haze +7 vs. MD (one nearby) - 4 psychic damage Natural Even Hit: The target is dazed until the end of the fell taint’s next turn C: Thought Fog +6 vs. MD (1d4 nearby enemies) - 2 psychic damage Natural Even Hit: The target is hampered and stuck (save ends). AC 14 PD 13 MD 17 HP 20
Thought eaters overwhelm the minds of their prey, freezing them in place and settling a thick fog in over their thoughts so they can feed at their leisure. They tend to have very prominent mouths on their bodies, though they still never consume physical material and instead these mouths inhale a semi-real fog over their enemies.
Fell Taint Warp Wender 2nd-level spoiler [aberration] Initiative: +6 Tendril Caress +8 vs. PD - 7 psychic damage R: Psychic Transposition +8 vs. MD (one nearby enemy) - 5 psychic damage and the target is dazed (save ends). Each time the target fails the save to end this effect, the fell taint can choose to swap places with the target. AC 16 PD 14 MD 16 HP 30
Warp wenders are a more advanced form of fell taint, folding space and moving themselves and their prey about in battle. It’s been suggested that each time a warp wender uses its psychic transposition to switch places with another creature it weakens the barrier between this world and the one fell taints come from a little further, calling out to more powerful creatures.
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Genshin Impact
Breath of the Wild was a game I wanted to love. I love the Zelda games, always have, and I eat up open world games like candy. Yet, BoTW has sat on my digital shelf collecting digital dust for ages. Why is that? Well, to put it simply, I don't want to play as Link. BoTW has a beautiful world, rich combat and game play puzzles, tons to see and do and experience, it's a sandbox for the ages. But it's hampered so heavily for me by the fact that I have to play this very boring and to be honest kind of forgettable boy named Link during the game play. That may sound petty, but if I'm in an open world game I want to fully immerse myself into that and video games are where we all go to escape anyway. If I wanted to be misgendered, I'd simply forget to shave and go outside.
I don't mind playing other Zelda games because in those, Link is a self contained character in the world and they're relatively short and self contained games. But BoTW is a sandbox. And for a large majority of it, you're not going to be doing the story or being addressed as link. The size of the world and the sheer amount of hours you're going to put into it mean that for almost all intents and purposes, Link isn't Link, he's a faceless avatar that you're supposed to put yourself into. The game offers so much freedom in so many avenues and yet, in your choice of how to explore the world as someone you'd actually like to be, you're not allowed. You have to be a skinny blonde twink.
So, in late 2019, in comes a trailer for Genshin Impact. It's making its rounds on the Internet as a "PC Free to Play Gacha Breath of the Wild Clone" which, while a mouthful, was something I initially wrote off. Didn't see a point in checking it out, as I really don't like Gacha games very much. But in late September 2020, MiHoYo the developers released the public 1.0 build of the game to everyone. Multi-platform, too. iOS/Android, PC, PS4, and even a switch release down the line. And maybe its the pandemic, or maybe the Internet was simply too lured in by the cute anime girls, but it took the many by storm. It took me personally over 12+ hours to download the 11 gigs of the game because the servers were so swamped with people.
Now I do want to be clear: Genshin Impact borrows many things from BoTW, but it isn't a clone. It's not a sandbox in the same way BoTW is and aside from some general game play things such as gliders, stamina/wall climbing system, and general aesthetic, the games are massively different. Still, though, playing it has highlighted to me why I never felt quite right playing BoTW, and its that lack of freedom. That lack of ability to play the game on my own terms and explore the beautiful handcrafted world the way I want to.
Despite appearances, Genshin Impact is a lot more like a single player MMO than it is anything else. Requiring tons of farming and grinding to create high level powerful characters in a world that gets increasingly more powerful and hostile as you do. The core game play loop of Genshin Impact is pretty phenomenal, essentially giving you a massive world to explore with literally thousands upon thousands of chests and rewards to find. Either by clearing out enemies, doing random in world puzzles, or even just sitting around. Being inside of and exploring the world of Teyvat is as rewarding as it is beautiful. The art and animation design of the game are stellar and do a lot to make you forget how much time has passed since you booted up the game in the first place. There's tons of different lore books to find, NPC's to talk to, quests to complete, the world is chock-full of lore and world building even down to simple weapon and material descriptions. Teyvat is a wonderful place to be and the developers MiHoYo deserve a pat on the back for how good the world of Genshin Impact is. The other side of game play is a simple system of Character Progression where you farm materials to make your characters/weapons/abilities better so that you can farm even more materials from harder enemies, much like an MMO, and you also acquire gear called Artifacts with randomly rolled stats much like an ARPG. In that regard, Genshin Impact is highly addictive. There are a myriad of weapons, talents, artifacts, and characters all to level up and build up over the course of your play, and every character can be made viable very very easily. The game also lets you keep a party of 4 characters that you can swap between at any point, as well as each character being attuned to a specific Elemental Type that reacts to other Elements. This causes the end-game to be centered around doing some of the hardest dungeons the game has to offer by theory crafting incredibly powerful teams that work off of each other and cause Elemental Reactions in enemies. It’s some of the most fun i’ve had in a game in ages.
All of that is fantastic but unfortunately its all also held back by one simple, huge problem: Original Resin. The game uses a currency called Original Resin that you use to challenge the harder content in the game. Dungeons, World Bosses, Elite Weekly Bosses, you name it and if its end-game content, it likely costs Resin. And not in insignificant amounts either. Dungeons are 20, Bosses are 40, and Weekly Bosses are 60. So, how do you obtain this material? Time. You start with, and are capped, at 120(Later 160 in patch 1.1). 1 resin takes 8 minutes to get back. If you spend it all, it takes 16 hours to get back. Given the rates you spend it, you can go from 120 to 0 in roughly 10-15 minutes. With no way to increase the resin cap, and the incredibly slow acquisition rate, that frequently means you only have about that much playtime a day of the game in the endgame. And that's, needless to say, incredibly frustrating. Thankfully its not an entire stamina system that means you can't play the game at all when you're out of resin, but it does mean that character progression itself is gated as all upgrade/progression materials are locked behind these dungeons and bosses that you must use Original Resin to face. Effecitvely, this means single characters will become weeks and weeks of work, with weapons and artifacts being only slightly less time consuming. I can only hope MiHoYo is looking to change this system in a way that isn't just increasing the cap as the feedback they've received has been very negative regarding it, but only time will tell.
Unfortunately, this isn't the games only problem with its players either. The game is a Gacha, there is no getting around that, but despite the fact that pretty much any character can become massively overpowered and viable in the endgame, people are going to want the rarest characters that exist. This is by design and unfortunately is more or less a glorified gambling system. And while the game is quite nice with its premium currency and how often it gives it, what isn't nice is that the rarest “5-star”characters cost a minimum of 200$ to get through money. With no guarantee you're getting the one you want.
Worse still, outside of a guaranteed 5-star drop at 90 rolls on the gacha wheel, the chance for a 5-star weapon or character is 0.6%. Not even a whole rounded up 1%. This is frankly ridiculous, as is the cost of real money to premium currency. For reference, most other popular Gacha’s doing well offer their rarest characters at anywhere between a 1-6% rate. In general, gacha's aren't known to be kind in their rates. That’s the point, they want you to gamble with real money. Genshin Impact, however, is so unkind and unfair that even other regular players of gacha gamers are very, very vocally upset. If it wasn't for the game play loop and the world, I'm not sure this would fly. And its certainly not flying in the west with the crowd that doesn't play Gacha's nearly as much. Neither is the resin system, as gamers in the west typically want to play for hours and hours at a time.
I’d be remiss if i didn’t bring up the story in Genshin Impact, as it’s genuinely fantastic. As previously stated, the world has a metric tonne of hidden lore in books, weapon/item/artifact descriptions, character stories you unlock as you use a playable character, etc. But the main story you can currently play from start to finish in the 1.0 release is the prologue.
This prologue stars very simply: Your character, the “Traveler” is an alien from another world. Not much is known about them so far, other than that the Traveler and their sibling were people with the ability to hop between worlds at will. In the opening moments of the game this power, along with your sibling, are stolen from you by an unnamed assailant. Thus trapping you in Teyvat and leaving you to begin a journey to find the Seven Gods of Teyvat, simply known as “The Seven” and seek their power and wisdom to find your sibling and potentially leave. This journey is how you meet Venti, one of the Seven in disguise as a simple human bard, and his best friend Dvalin. The events that follow have you help this strange bard, as well as the people of Mondstat, defeat the dragon Dvalin. Previously, he protected the lands of Mondstat for hundreds of years. However, as you meet both Dvalin and Venti, he has had his mind corrupted and been lied to by an order of evil mages known as the Abyss Order, and its caused him to go on the offensive against Mondstat and her people.
It's a fair bit emotional, humorous at times thanks to Venti, and overall very engaging. Mondstat is a city built on freedom, to the point that its own god Barbatos(Venti) refuses to rule over it and allows himself to be the weakest of the seven gods, as that would take away some of the cities freedom. Within this prologue, there is a huge focus on Mondstat being a city of Freedom, the prologue quite literally ends with Venti telling Dvalin after you have saved him from the corruption that even though he is "meant" to be the protector of Mondstat, he hopes Dvalin chooses whatever life he wants, even if that's not Mondstats protector, and that Venti simply wants him to be happy. Venti's own personal story quest goes further in depth about the foundation of Mondstat and its origins as a rebel city founded after the citizens overthrew the oppressive rule of an awful tyrant God and killed him. In a very pretty hand drawn "cathedral window" style cutscene, you get to see the end of this war and why Barbatos chose the form he currently inhabits and took up being a bard, which was to honor a dead friend from this very same war. This explains why Mondstat and Barbatos value its freedom so highly. I cried at this moment both times I played it.
For a free game, the storytelling here is off the charts. As i said before, Venti and many other characters have personal stories that both introduce you to a trial version of the playable character, thus letting you see how they work and play, and also giving you either more info on the world or an introduction to the character in question, or both. They're fantastic little stories and are up there with the main story in quality. One of my favorite parts of the game and something that will only be expanded with time. Each one takes you on a journey of discovery or even simple fun with a character and it all feels very personal and touching, as all of the main stories and character quests are very well voice acted.
The prologue being so focused on freedom makes it all the more awkward, then, that MiHoYo is a game developer based out of China, and as such has to follow China's censorship rules. Taiwan and Hong Kong both are censored in-game chat and if you're reported for saying them, you'll be banned for daring to speak the words. These aren't the only censorship decisions in the game, but they're by far the ones that struck me the most. I understand that the company is based out of China and thus has to follow the censorship rules, as they are the actual law of the land and they could be fined or even shut down if they refused. But the disconnect of knowing there are actual human rights atrocities being committed in China with the Uygher Genocide and Re-Education camps, the human rights violations in Hong Kong, the breakdown of democracy and the treatment of Taiwan, while this game that comes out of China boasts on and on about Freedom and the Human right to self actualize and choose their future is... troubling. It's one that I don't really know how to reconcile, if it can be reconciled at all. I'd like to believe that the developers really believe in their own story and secretly oppose those sorts of atrocities. But at the same time, banning players who mention Hong Kong or Taiwan isn't in the law. That’s a decision MiHoYo is making. Right now, China doesn’t have the freedom that Venti and Mondstat and Genshin Impact try to instill in you so hard as important and a human right. And knowing that and knowing the censorship is in the game make it very difficult to get a read on what the game actually wants you to feel.
Overall,i think Genshin Impact is a fantastic game. Its updates plan to bring in not only more story, as there are meant to be 7 Acts and currently the game features the Prologue and half of Act 1, but in those acts it plans to explain the playable areas and bring in new Events, Characters, Weapons, etc. And that makes me excited for the future of Genshin Impact! It’s a beautiful game of genuinely Triple AAA quality completely for free. But. Its also a Gacha game and by far one of the least rewarding Gachas you could play right now. Maybe that will change with time. I certainly hope it does. But it feels hard to recommend something that, once you beat it, disrespects your time so much and so badly. I hope Genshin Impact has a bright future, I really do, and I’m definitely going to continue playing it. But right now, I can’t say for certain that I feel confident in the developers to make it the game it clearly wants to be if it wasn’t shackled down by its Gacha.
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The Maradona of the 21st Century is not Lionel Messi
The most common and in fact only real comparison ever made between 2 great footballers of different eras is that of Diego Maradona and Lionel Messi. Both are diminutive left-footed Argentine number 10′s, blessed with the best dribbling ability the game has ever seen. With a strength and speed that belies their stature, combined with extraordinary close control, they beat defenders at a rate that noone has matched.
And in the early day’s of Messi, there were eerie similarities. 2005 saw Messi make his international debut against Hungary, the same opponent Maradona debuted against. In 2007 Messi scored against Getafe with a goal identical to Maradona’s ‘goal of the century’ and then a couple of months later he scored with his hand against Espanyol, going unpunished as Diego famously did with the ‘Hand of God’.
But since then, the differences between the two players careers have grew and grew. Messi has so far spent over 20 years at one football club, Maradona represented 6 across 7 different spells. Leo though only 33, has already scored well over twice as many career goals as Maradona, and has appeared in well over 200 more senior matches. Messi has scored over 30 goals for his club in 13 consecutive seasons, Maradona only scored over 20 goals twice in Europe. Messi has so far won 35 major honours in club football, to Diego’s 9. Maradona has lifted the World Cup whereas Messi has never won a senior international trophy and Messi has scored over twice as many goals for Argentina, with over 50 more caps so far.
Simply put, they have had very different careers and lived very different lifestyles. I feel greater similarities are to be found between Maradona and another 21st century footballer, who also wore the number 10 shirt for Barcelona, Ronaldinho.
Maradona and Ronaldinho both spent 10 seasons in Europe, played for 3 European Clubs, and spent 2 seasons at their first European club. They played by far the best and most consistent football of their career and reached their highest highs at their 2nd European club. Here both men won 5 major honours, including 2 league titles and a European trophy. Maradona played 52 more games for Napoli and scored 21 more goals than Ronaldinho for Barcelona, which makes it likely that if they’d played an identical amount of games, they’d have an almost identical goal tally.
Both won the World Cup with a 2-0 knockout stage win over Belgium, a 2-1 Quarter-Final win over England, and beat Germany in the final. Both also scored goals in the Quarter-Final which were the best remembered of the tournament and highly embarrassed the England goalkeeper.
Here are some stats which highlight some more similarities in their respective careers:
Club trophies won: Maradona 9, Ronaldinho 12. Number of Clubs: Maradona 6 (in 7 spells), Ronaldinho 8. International caps: Maradona 91, Ronaldinho 97. International goals: Maradona 34, Ronaldinho 33. Competitive Internationals: Maradona 46, Ronaldinho 52. Goals in Competitive internationals: Maradona 17, Ronaldinho 17. Total senior goals: Maradona 345, Ronaldinho 299. freekicks scored: Maradona 62, Ronaldinho 66.
As Players
Maradona was a classic Number 10, a creative playmaker operating from a free role either as an attacking midfielder or a 2nd striker. His game was renowned for his dribbling which due to his low centre of gravity, stocky physique, acceleration, quick feet, close control, agility and his ability to quickly change direction made him extremely difficult to stop. Despite a solid goal return, Maradona’s game was about more than just scoring goals and individual runs, his vision, passing and creativity made him a fantastic teamplayer also.
Ronaldinho also could operate as a Number 10, playing in a free central role as an attacking midfielder, though he could also be deployed on either wing to devastating effect. Ronaldinho was an extremely effective playmaker as like Maradona he possessed outstanding vision and creativty with great passing ability. He was also a world class dribbler with underrated pace and acceleration, aswell as athleticism, balance and ball control allowing him to take on opponents. He was one of the most effective ever 1 v 1 at beating players with his tricks, feints, stepovers, nutmegs, aswell as sheer unpredictability making him extremely challenging to handle. Ronaldinho was also known for his technical skills, flair, creativity and touch.
Maradona and Ronaldinho are the most skillful players to ever reach the top of the game. More so than anyone else who has become the number 1 player on the planet, they were freestyle footballers. Maradona was one of Ronaldinho’s idols as a kid, and it’s easy to see why. Only Ronaldinho himself could cast a similar spell over the ball, Diego seemed to be almost at one with it, manipulating it in any way he wanted.
Whether doing keepy-ups with his shoulders, head, heel or slices as naturally as other players do them with their feet, Maradona had an artists understanding with the ball. And not just footballs either, his feet could do whatever he wished with golf balls, rolled up socks, anything he could make resemble a football he juggled with.
Maradona and Ronaldinho were two players who you didn’t need to see in an-game situation to be entertained by. Just throw them a ball. This was evidenced with the well known video of Maradona warming up before a UEFA Cup Semi-Final against Bayern Munich set to ‘Life is Life’ by Opus. Preparing for the game as if he’s arrived too early for a kickabout and is waiting for his mates to show up, Diego plays with an unbelievable rhythm.
This sense of rhythm and fun didn’t leave Diego once the game had kicked off, with regular rabona’s and roulette’s (which became known as the Maradona turn due to the level he perfected it) elevating the entertainment for everyone in attendance.
This is where I think his game is more similar to Ronaldinho’s than that of Messi’s. Lionel though brilliant to watch is nowhere near as flashy, applying skills only when absolutely necessary. For Ronaldinho however, skills always felt necessary. No look passes, pannas, elasticos (known also by some as ‘the gaucho’ due to Ronaldinho’s mastery of the skill) were all regular features of Ronaldinho’s arsenal.
Like Maradona, Ronaldinho was always worth watching before a game had even kicked off. And in training he was capable of getting his teammates to stop dead in their tracks and just stand around watching him perform his skills. An example of Ronaldinho’s ridiculous skill level compared to everyone else, was when he and a number of other top professionals took on the ‘Blindfolded Keepie Uppie challenge’ where as the name suggests, you attempt to do kick ups whilst wearing a blindfold. Benzema managed 5, Lewandowski 7, Xavi 8 and Ronaldinho.. 44.
It’s maybe a strange thing to say about a player who some consider the greatest of all time, and most consider in the top 3 of all time, but Maradona could’ve done even more in football. What he was able to do was limited by injuries courtesy of the many dreadful fouls he endured, bouts of lacking motivation, a lifestyle that led to drug addiction, weight gains & crash diets, and 2 drugs bans that meant he scored just 15 league goals after his 30th Birthday.
And aswell, it shows how good Ronaldinho was that a career that saw him become the only player to win the World Cup, the Champions League, the Copa Libertadores and the Balon d’or (not to mention 2 La Liga’s and 2 FIFA World Player of The Year Awards) is seen by many as one that could and should have been better. A lack of dedication and discipline, combined with his hedonistic lifestyle off the pitch led to Ronaldinho’s physical decline coming alot sooner than it should have. That said I think it’s unfair to boil his whole career down to just his years at Barcelona (where he did for a while have the focus and dedication to become the best player in the world) and dismiss everything else. There was still plenty of very good performances afterwards for AC Milan, Flamengo and Atletico Mineiro, where he thrilled the supporters with his quality.
Maradona was in many ways an individualist, for example he had his own fitness coach and his own doctors, never using the doctors employed by his club side or national team, but he was also very much a team player. A technical leader, he was loved by his teammates because he took all the pressure, all the attention on his shoulders, freeing the team up to go out and play without burden. The best example of the deep respect Maradona’s teammates had for him was in a clip from the Napoli dressing room following their historic first Scudetto win in 1987, where the players all sing as though ultras rather than colleagues: “Oh mama, mama, mama, do you know why my heart is racing? I’ve seen Maradona! I’ve seen Maradona! and Mum I fell in love with him!”
In a different way, Ronaldinho was also an excellent team player. When Ronaldinho was at the peak of his powers, a 16-year old Argentine came to his attention. Here he saw a player he knew could be something special. Ronaldinho became a sort of big brother figure to Messi from that point on, helping him as much as possible. For an introverted young kid to have the best player in the World take such a care and interest in him, must have been a tremendous boost. There was no ego from Ronaldinho, no jealousy or attempt to keep the teenager ‘In his place’. When Messi was 17, Ronaldinho introduced him to Kobe Bryant as “someone who will be the best footballer of all time” and in an interview with Four Four Two magazine the current Balon d’Or holder claimed Messi was already better than him.
Beginning
Diego Armando Maradona was born October 30, 1960 in Buenos Aires, Argentina and was raised in the Villa Fiorito shantytown, on the outskirts of the capital city. His love of football came very early, when he was given a ball as his first toy at 3 years old, and slept hugging it all night. Growing up in a shack without water or electricity, when Maradona joined the Argentinos Juniors youth team at just 8 years old he and his parents soon realised that their only way out of this hardship was for Diego to make it as a footballer. He already played with an ability way beyond his years and small, skinny physique quickly beginning to garner attention.
As a ballboy for Argentinos Juniors 1st team games, he would go on to the pitch at half time and entertain the crowds with his skills and tricks, aswell as an extraordinary acceleration when dribbling the ball. On one occasion as the 10-year old Diego exited the field for the Argentinos-Boca Juniors game to re-commence, the fans chanted “Let him stay! Let him stay!”. As Maradona continued to seemingly get better with every match he played in the youth teams, Argentinos Juniors had already pinned all their hopes on him before he’d even joined the first team. They already recognised him as the only player they had who could raise serious funds in the future, and in the meantime would be able to improve the team. He was promoted to the first team aged 15.
Ronaldo de Assis Moreira was born March 21, 1980 in Porto Alegre, Brazil. He lived in a wooden house in the middle of a favela, until his brother Roberto 8 years his senior, was gifted a home in a more affluent area by Gremio in an effort to get him to stay with the club and reject the interest of Italian club Torino. Tragedy would soon strike for Roberto and his younger brother however, when Roberto returned to the house to celebrate his 18th birthday only to find his father drowned in the family swimming pool.
From a young age Roberto would train his younger brother in one-on-one football sessions, after noticing he too had a real talent for the game. Ronaldinho said of this time “Roberto forced me to juggle the ball as many as 500 times. He stood to watch me do it and would never go until I’d completed it. This took all the fun out of it for me, and at that age it made me very angry. I cried. I didn’t understand. But later I understood what he wanted.”
Roberto’s football career was going well, he had played for Brasil’s under 20′s team and won 3 consecutive state titles with Gremio, the future looked very bright, when more misfortune struck the family. Roberto suffered a serious injury and was let go by Gremio. He moved to FC Sion in Switzerland and with his older brother and father figure since the passing of his Dad now living far away, Ronaldo felt an increased urgency and responsibility to step up and make it as a footballer to help the family financially. He had learned alot from his big brother, who despite being prevented from fulfilling his potential due to injury was still able to etch out a career in football, with a journeyman career making appearances for many sides including Vasco De Gama, Fluimenese and Sporting Lisbon.
Ronaldo played Futsal and Beach Football aswell as 11-a-side football and all this honed his ball control and skills. Often the smallest and youngest player on each of the teams he played for he quickly was assigned the nickname ‘Ronaldinho’ meaning ‘little Ronaldo’ which has always stuck throughout his career despite him growing to over 6 feet tall. He was 13 when he received his first media attention after scoring all 23 goals in a 23-0 win for his side at Futsal (though he did later say “those kids were terrible!”). After starring at the Under 17 World Cup, Ronaldinho followed in his big brothers footsteps by signing for Gremio.
Maradona and Ronaldinho both had their youthful innocence cut short and were forced to see Football as more than fun but as a way out of their hardships at a very young age. As a mere child Maradona had all his families hopes pinned on him for a way out of extreme poverty and Ronaldinho experienced the hardships of life early too with the death of his father and career damaging injury to his brother. But despite all the external pressure and aswell the huge demand they put on themselves to succeed for their families, their pure love for football never wavered.
Starting Out
Maradona made his first-team debut for Argentinos 10 days before his 16th Birthday. A few minutes after entering the pitch, he nutmegged an opponent. A few weeks later he made his first start, with then vice-president Settimio Aloisio recalling “What really struck me was the joy there seemed to be in his playing. What seemed unique was that he didn’t seem to have any fear, he was so self-assured, so determined. It was the first time he played a full 90 minutes in the first-team and he did it with all the confidence of a player who had been playing top-class football for at least six years.”
In Diego’s first season for the club in 1976 they finished 2nd bottom of the Metropolitano Championship. In his final season they finished 2nd top. He scored 116 goals in 166 appearences, including a Messi-esque 69 in 71 in his last 2 seasons. Maradona was now too big and too good for the team, and it was time for Argentinos Juniors to get the big payday they hoped years of nurturing this talent would get them. Maradona joined the club he always dreamed of playing for, Boca Juniors for $4M.
Maradona scored 28 goals in 40 games for the club, including a memorable goal in his first Superclasico at La Bombanera stadium against River Plate. The 1981 season brought him his first trophy in senior football, when Boca secured the Metropolitano Championship, the clubs first title for 5 years, by a single point. They had finished 6th in the competition the year before Diego joined.
Ronaldinho made his debut for Gremio in 1998, and by his 2nd season the teenager was already showing himself as one of the top Brazilian players in the world. A real breakout moment for him came in the Campeonato Gaucho, the State Championship, usually won by one of Porto Alegre’s biggest sides, either Gremio or rivals Internacional. Gremio came out on top after a sublime performance from Ronaldinho where he tormented and terrorised Brazil’s World Cup winning captain Dunga, on one occasion flicking the ball over his head.
Ronaldinho scored 58 goals in 125 appearances for Gremio, 52 in 87 excluding his debut season and 28 in 37 in his last full season. This was enough to convince Paris St. Germain to spend 5 million Euros to bring him to the French Capital.
Maradona and Ronaldinho both began their professional careers for their local sides, neither club the most glamorous or prestigious of their country, but both rapidly stood out with their performances. Ronaldinho was transferred to Europe in half the time with his first 3 seasons in his native country as opposed to Maradona’s 6, highlighting the change in Football between the late 70s, early 80s and the late 90′s, early 00′s.
In 1978 Argentina had won the World Cup with just one player playing outside of Argentina, and coach Menotti had warned Maradona that Argentina fans would not accept him leaving to play his domestic football in Europe, he did not join a European club until his 7th season. By the time Ronaldinho was on the scene, Europe’s stranglehold over Football meant it was the only place to play for the game’s best talents. Maradona played 206 games in the country of his birth before joining FC Barcelona for a then world record fee of £5 Million pounds.
Europe
Maradona described his time at FC Barcelona as the ‘unhappiest period of my career’. He found German coach Udo Lattek’s hard early-morning training sessions unsuited to his lifestyle, and had a relationship with Barcelona’s then president Jose Luis Nunez which was hostile from the off. The free-spirit of Diego quickly found the atmosphere of Barcelona oppressive, he felt the cold, calculated stuffed shirts of the Barca boardroom looked down on him as a naive, uneducated outsider. Maradona was used to getting his way in Argentina, and was not a man who could easily accept authority over his life. Whilst Barcelona as an institution were not a club willing to bend for one man, no matter how talented he was with a football.
The early signs on the pitch however, were promising. The team received a standing ovation leaving the pitch away to Red Star Belgrade in the Cup Winners Cup, after a 4-2 victory with 2 goals each for Maradona and fellow foreign star signing Bernd Schuster. But the ego’s and personality clashes of Nunez, Maradona, Lattek and Schuster meant it was never likely to last. After Maradona had spent his first ever Christmas away from Argentina in a state of depression, and not long after he’d returned from a prolonged absence due to viral hepatitis, Lattek was sacked, which did not displease either of Barcelona’s star players, with Schuster referring to the manager as a ‘drunkard’.
Lattek was replaced by Cesar Menotti, Argentina’s World Cup winning manager who had managed Diego in the Under 20s and senior national side. It was hoped by the Barcelona hierarchy that this would be the man to bring the best out of Maradona.
The appointment of Menotti wasn’t the only thing bringing comforts of home to Maradona’s life. He did everything to recreate the life he’d known in Argentina, acquiring the friendship and services of Argentines living in Barcelona to provide him with Calabresi and sandwiches just like he’d known in Buenos Aires. But whenever Maradona and his clan would hit Las Ramblas, which was often, he had to accept he wasn’t in his beloved Argentina anymore. He was in a place with wealthy, educated people who looked down on him and his friends, fuelling Maradona’s inferiority complex which he battled all his life due to his poor upbringing.
It was also during this time in Barcelona that Maradona first began taking cocaine, and though he was able to keep this a secret from Barca, some reports of his activities including regular house parties into the early hours with prostitutes in attendance did make it back to an increasingly exasperated board. The Maradona-Nunez conflict continued to intensify, with Jorge Cyterszpiler, Maradona’s then agent responding to comments from Nunez in the press by phoning him and calling him a “son of a bitch”.
4 Days before the King’s Cup final between Barcelona and hated rivals Real Madrid, Nunez refused to allow Maradona to travel to Munich for a testimonial match, a lack of liberty which infuriated Maradona. The team were able to capture the trophy however, beating Real 2-1 with a 90th minute winner, in a game both Maradona and Schuster ran. It had been a turbulent debut season however to say the least, the team had finished 4th behind Athletic Bilbao, Spanish champions for the first time in 27 years, and the two Madrid clubs. They had also been dumped out of the Cup Winners Cup by Austrian minnows Memphis. Maradona scored 23 goals in 35 appearances but injuries and illness had limited him to just 20 league games and 11 goals.
Maradona’s second year was to be defined by yet another rivalry, this time that of coach Menotti and Athletic Bilbao manager Xavier Clemente. In a war of words due to differing football philosophies similar to that of Brian Clough and Don Revie in England, Menotti made public his disdain for what he considered (not without reason), the thuggish football of Bilbao saying “the day they decide to be a bullfighter rather than a bull on the pitch it will play better football.” Clemente responded saying he would take no lessons from an Argentine who spent more time pursuing women than teaching football skills. The stage was set for a series of violent matches to take place between the sides that season. With Barca leading Bilbao 2-0 at the Nou Camp early in the season, Goikoetxea, subsequently named ‘the Butcher of Bilbao’ delivered one of the most brutal fouls Spanish football had seen on Maradona. Menotti demanded Goikoetxea be banned for life, as it was he was hit with a 10-game ban instead. This came as little consolation for Maradona who had long complained about the harsh treatment he received from defenders in Spain due to little protection from referees. This tackle, feared possibly career threatening at the time, kept him sidelined for 3 months.
A few weeks after his return to fitness, Maradona lined up to face Bilbao again, this time at the San Mames stadium. Maradona led his team heroically through another brutal match, scoring both goals in a 2-1 win for his side in one of the dirtiest matches seen at the stadium. Maradona’s duels with Bilbao didn’t end here though, and they would reach a stunning conclusion in the 1984 King’s Cup final infront of 100,000 spectators and half of Spain’s watching public. After a 1-0 defeat featuring the usual Bilbao treatment whenever Diego went near the ball, and racist insults towards him regarding his Father’s native American Indian ancestry, he was given a ‘fuck off’ sign by unused Bilbao substitute Sola, and Maradona subsequently knocked him to the floor before kneeing him out cold. Chaos ensued with a mass brawl involving all the players, with flying kicks everywhere you looked. Maradona was at one stage knocked to the floor with a Bilbao player standing over him, when out of nowhere a teammate jumped in with a huge kick to the players back sending him flying. Maradona left the pitch with his Barcelona shirt torn, he would never wear one again. The brawl resulted in 60 people being injured as fans rained missiles down on players, coaches and photographers.
The board had seen enough, Maradona’s time with Barcelona was up. He scored 38 goals in 58 games for the club. There had been some highs, beating Real Madrid in the Kings Cup and the short lived Spanish League Cup final, where after scoring one of the all-time great El Clasico goals in the 1st leg at the Bernabeu he was given a standing ovation by the Real supporters. But there had also been just as many lows, and overall Maradona had failed to do what he was signed to do, establish Barcelona as Spain’s number 1 team again. A move was required for all parties, as Maradona’s spending and bad business moves made on his behalf had left him with so much debt only a huge signing-on fee would take care of it. This came in the shape of another world record fee, £6.9M to Italian Club Napoli. Both Maradona and Barcelona would benefit from the move, as under Terry Venables Barcelona won their first league title for 11 years by 10 points (in the days of 2 points for a win) and reached their first European Cup final the following year, losing on penalties to Steaua Bucharest. Ironically it took the departure of Maradona to get Barcelona to do what his arrival was supposed to do for them.
Ronaldinho chose long-time sleeping giants Paris Saint Germain when better teams were perhaps interested in signing him for one reason only, to ensure he would be a regular starter in order to convince Brazil manager Scolari that he should be the 3rd name in the attack alongside Ronaldo and Rivaldo. For the first few months, his plan seemed to have backfired spectacularly. After getting the all clear to play from Fifa, after a messy legal procedure between PSG and Gremio, he still struggled to get the all clear to start from manager Luis Fernandez, so was forced to watch players such as Gabriel Heinze, Mauricio Pochettino, Jay Jay Okocha and Nicolas Anelka from the bench for much of the time before being introduced into games in the second half more often than not.
This slow start was doubly concerning due to the form back home of Ricardo Kaka who was banging them in for Sao Paulo. At the half way stage, it looked likely it would be Kaka starting for Brazil and if Ronaldinho didn’t find some form, he would be a doubt to even make the plane.
Ronaldinho began to make an impact before the winter break, and after it his fortunes had an even greater upturn. Okocha went to the African Cup of Nations and Anelka was loaned to Liverpool. Ronaldinho was going to become the main man in the PSG attack, if he could seize his chance. He scored in the first 4 games back, including a brace against Guingamp.
By mid-march he was making it look easy, looking as though nothing was more simple to him than dribbling through a defence and beating the onrushing goalkeeper as he did not once but twice against Troyes.
Despite only starting half the league games, Ronaldinho finished the season confirming himself as PSG’s best and most important player, aswell as their top scorer with 13 goals and earning a place in the Ligue 1 team of the season.
Ronaldinho returned for his second season at PSG as a World Cup winner, however his upward trajectory at Paris which had begun in the second half of his first season would not continue without dips. Manager Luis Fernandez criticised Ronaldinho’s enthusiasm for Parisian nightlife, claiming he focused on it more than Football. Another source of frustration for him was a typical one for managers dealing with Brazilian players, the long trips back home Ronaldinho took during the season, which Fernandez bemoaned never ended when scheduled. Ronaldinho fired back at his manager’s criticism that “it seems to bother him that I am happy.”
The league campaign was a very disappointing one to say the least for PSG, finishing 7 places lower than in Ronaldinho’s first season, coming in 11th place. On a personal level, there was some satisfaction for Ronaldinho in winning the award for Ligue 1 goal of the season, with a brilliant solo goal against Guingamp. Accelerating suddenly before the first man has even had a chance to get close to him, he plays a one-two around another, then dinks the ball over a slide tackling defender, waits for the ball to drop then dribbles into the box, throws a stepover to make space for the shot then lifts the ball quite wonderfully over a helpless goalkeeper. Pure Ronaldinho magic.
Paris also reached the Coupe de France final after 2 goals from Ronaldinho in the semi-final got them there, however they were beaten by Auxerre in the final with a last minute winner. With a season outside of Europe on the horizon, it was time for Ronaldinho to move on to the next phase in his career. He scored 25 goals in 77 games for the Parisians.
Maradona & Ronaldinho moved to Europe aged 22 and 21 respectively, and both spent 2 seasons with their first European club. Both displayed the talent that made them at times unstoppable, but the flashes of genius were accompanied with a lack of consistency needed to go beyond the promise and potential they were showing to become as great as they undoubtedly could be. In this time, both players also discovered a love of a certain party lifestyle which would remain throughout their respective careers.
Peak
75,000 Napoli supporters packed into the Stadio San Paulo to see the official presentation of Diego Armando Maradona as a Napoli player. For all present that day, the Saviour had arrived. As one local newspaper put it “despite the lack of a mayor, houses, schools, buses, employment and sanitation, none of this matters because we have Maradona."
Maradona found himself feeling instantly more at home than he had ever felt at Barcelona. The poor background he came from aswell as having a Mother of Italian descent gave Maradona an immediate affinity with the city of Naples, in the poorer, economically disadvantaged South of Italy. He could also relate to the feeling of being looked down upon that Neapolitans felt from those in the more affluent and politically prioritised North.
During Maradona’s time in Italy, the North v South hatred was at its peak. The Maradona signing itself had political motivations. Upon hearing of Juventus’ interest in signing the Argentine, Napoli were determined to get one over on the more illustrious then-champions, who already boasted that summer’s standout player at Euro 84, Michel Platini. After his experience with Schuster, Maradona was reluctant to again share the limelight so was instead happy to join the side in the Southern region, a region that had never produced a Serie A winner. Napoli, a club formed in 1926 had to that point won just 2 major honours, both Coppa Italia’s.
Though the team he was joining had a modest history to date, the league he would playing in was by far the best and most competitive in the world. Though a defensive league with emphasis put on the ‘Cattenacio’ style of play, featuring tight man-to-man marking and a sweeper, Maradona could atleast rely on better protection from referees than he’d received in Spain.
Unlike in Barcelona, where the snobbery in high society left Maradona on the outside, Maradona found in Naples he was embraced wherever he found himself in Italy’s most densely populated metropolis, including alongside the Camorra, the Neapolitan Mafia, who had extraordinary influence in all matters in the city at this time. Carmine Guiliano, of the powerful Guiliano clan was only too eager to place himself alongside Naples’ new messiah. And Maradona for his part seemed to find himself more comfortable in this company, than he’d ever felt with the distant and alien Barcelona hierarchy.
Hellas Verona were champions for the only time in their history in Maradona’s debut season, with Napoli having to settle for 8th place. This improved to 3rd in the following year, though off the pitch Maradona had his first serious problems with long-time girlfriend Claudia.
Maradona’s 3rd season saw him hit the peak of his considerable powers. Fresh off the back of inspiring Argentina to the 1986 World Cup trophy, his encore was delivering Napoli to the promised land as they took their first ever Scudetto, with a league double over Juventus proving decisive. Winning Serie A sparked a week-long party in Naples, so often the butt of the North’s jokes, it was they who were laughing now. Maradona had put Napoli and the entire city of Naples on top of Italy, and in doing so his standing amongst the people could not have been any higher. In the eyes of the adoring Neapolitans he was more than a footballer, more than a man even.
Maradona and Napoli were unable to retain their crown, ending the season with 4 losses and 1 draw as they lost out to Milan by 3 points. This was the season problems between Maradona and Napoli president Corrado Ferlaino began to materialise. Napoli who had so far accepted his unwillingness to be controlled had grown frustrated at his missing of training sessions and the following season with Maradona injured or missing from training all the more regularly, Napoli ended further away from the Scudetto. Though still 2nd they finished 11 points behind Internazionale and were beaten in the Coppa Italia final. Things reached their lowest moment to date that season when Maradona took himself off just 17 minutes into a game due to injury, this was greeted with jeers and whistles from the supporters who had once revered him as their King. This infuriated Maradona, but there was redemption in the Uefa Cup which Napoli won beating Stuggart in the two-legged final, after dispatching Juventus and Bayern Munich to reach it.
But Maradona was beginning to feel trapped again. This feeling was exacerbated by him finding out about Olympique Marseille’s interest in signing him only after Ferlaino had rejected the offer. An increasingly frustrated Maradona began lashing out and making enemies in the media, who did not accept his outspoken complaints without backlash.
After a slow start to the 89-90 season, with the World Cup that summer looming ever closer, Maradona’s motivation soared again and he had his most prolific season for Napoli, scoring 16 in 28 league games as they finished 2 points above Milan to take the Scudetto for the 2nd time in 4 years. Maradona had responded to the adversity by climbing back to the top, it was the final time in his career he would sit there.
“Ronaldinho was responsible for the change in Barca. It was a bad time and the change that came about with his arrival was amazing. In the first year, he didn’t win anything but people fell in love with him. Then the trophies started coming and he made all those people happy. Barca should always be grateful for everything he did.” - Lionel Messi.
Though it would maybe be a stretch to compare the FC Barcelona that Ronaldinho joined in 2003 to Napoli, the fact is the club was not in a good place. Trophyless for 4 seasons, having gone through 6 different managerial reigns in that time, the club hadn’t finished above 4th for 3 years and the season prior to the Brazilian's arrival, Barca had their worst league position for 15 years, coming in 6th, as 3 different managers tried and failed to turn their fortunes around. Making matters even worse during this trophy drought, their bitter rivals Real Madrid had taken their star captain Luis Figo and just to rub it in had won 5 major honours including 2 Champions League titles. It was them enjoying the stability of one coach, with all this silverware coming under Vincente Del Bosque.
2003-04 brought Barcelona a new President Juan Laporta, a new manager in Frank Rijkaard and now it needed a new star player. Laporta earmarked 3 players of which he felt 1 was needed to bring Barcelona back to the top: Thierry Henry of Arsenal, David Beckham of Manchester United or Ronaldinho of PSG. Henry had unfinished business left at Arsenal, Florentino Perez made Beckham his latest and most glamorous Galactico to date, leaving Ronaldinho. And though Real Madrid passed up on him, with the words of a Real Madrid executive “He is so ugly that he’d sink you as a brand” reflecting Real Madrid’s new Business first, Football second approach which had led to the bizarre sacking of Vicente Del Bosque, the path to Ronaldinho was not completely clear for Barcelona. Premier League Champions Manchester United were very close to securing the 23-year old but in the end they couldn’t get it over the line and instead had to settle for a skinny 18-year old winger from Sporting Lisbon.
Ronaldinho started as he meant to go on in his very 1st league match at the Camp Nou. With Barca trailing to Sevilla, he received the ball on the left inside his own half and 8 seconds later he had the ball in the net. Arriving into the Sevilla half he cut inside past one then another and let fly from 30 yards, it was in as soon as it left his foot, cannoning in off the crossbar with the keeper beaten by unbelievable power and precision.
The Brazilian was unable to prevent the Catalans 5th season without silverware, but 03/04 was a big improvement on the previous year. After a bad start saw Barca in 12th place after 18 matches, the team put together a run of 17 league games without defeat featuring 14 wins, including away at the Bernabeu for the first time since 1997. Ronaldinho provided the game-winning assist in the 86th minute with an immaculate chip to Xavi who scored with a finish equal to the pass. In the end the team finished in 2nd place, behind Champions Valencia but above Real Madrid who had gone backwards under Carlos Quieroz, opening an opportunity for a new force in Spain.
04/05 saw the arrival of Samuel Eto’o from Real Mallorca who proved the ideal partner for Ronaldinho in attack. Barca became the Champions of Spain for the first time since 1999 but were stopped in the Champions League by Chelsea, who beat them 4-2 at Stamford Bridge despite a very memorable Ronaldinho goal.
"It's like someone pressed pause and for three seconds all the players stopped and I'm the only one that moves." — Ronaldinho
Ronaldinho scored 13 goals in his 2nd season, the same as Maradona managed in his 2nd season for Napoli, but 05/06 would see Barcelona’s star man go up another level and take the club with him. In 29 league games Ronaldinho scored 17 and assisted another 18, but to focus on numbers would be to downplay what the Brazilian was doing on a weekly basis at the time. He was making La Liga defenders look as out of their depth as amateurs would against him. How could they hope to stop him when he was using skills they had never even seen let alone come up against before? At this time Ronaldinho alone was worth the entrance fee, you knew he’d do something to bring a smile to the face of every single spectator, and maybe a shake of the head due to sheer disbelief at the audacity of the tricks Ronaldinho would not only attempt but pull off.
And this was not just reserved for the defenders of Espanyol or Real Zaragoza, Ronaldinho treated every match, every opponent the same, no matter the importance of the game, he was going to play it his way.
Never was this more apparent than when Barcelona travelled to the Bernabeu in November of 2005. It was in this month that Ronaldinho won the Balon D’or for the one and only time, winning above English midfielders Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard to add it to his FIFA World Player of the Year awards for 2004 and 2005. He shown why he was the number 1 player in the world in what was the first El Clasico for the future world’s best player, a young long-haired Argentine. But on this occasion it was the senior players, and one in particular who stole the show. With Eto’o giving the visitors an early lead, Ronaldinho doubled it just before the hour mark first skinning Sergio Ramos, before leaving Ivan Helguera and Iker Casillas flat footed and helpless to stop the genius in full flow.
However he wasn’t done yet. 20 minutes later, running past Sergio Ramos with an ease which was only matched in the finish, which left Iker Casillas shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders, perplexed and powerless. At this point, certain sections of the Madrid fanbase felt obliged to applaud Ronaldinho. And not just 1 or 2 either. As the Barcelona players celebrated with their maestro, many Madrid fans can be seen on their feet giving a standing ovation to the man who had single handedly demolished their team. They knew their Galacticos of Beckham, Raul, Zidane, Robinho and Ronaldo had been thoroughly outclassed by the player deemed too ugly to sign. There was nothing ugly about his performance that night, as he took Real apart with a beautiful simplicity, becoming the first Barcelona player to win applause from the Bernabeu since Diego Maradona.
The result was indicative of the gulf that had developed between Barca and Real, as Barca retained their title finishing 12 points clear of their rivals. And in the Champions League Barca were also able to enact revenge on Chelsea before meeting AC Milan in the semi-finals. Just a single goal was scored in 180 minutes, coming from a sumptuous Ronaldinho through ball and finished expertly by Ludovic Guily. The final saw FC Barcelona meet Arsenal, and despite an early red card for the Arsenal keeper, Barca trailed with 15 minutes to go but were able to turn the game around to win just their 2nd European Cup ever and first since 1992. In 45 games Ronaldinho scored 26 and assisted 24, he was the top provider in both La Liga and the Champions League.
After a hugely underwhelming World Cup, Ronaldinho was able to pick up right where he left off at Barcelona atleast, scoring 21 La Liga goals in 32 matches, the highlight being a special overhead kick against Villarreal. However Barca missed out on the title, due to their head to head record with Real Madrid. With both clubs finishing on 76 points, a 2-0 Real Madrid win in November decided the destination of the title and Barcelona’s far superior goal difference, with more scored and fewer conceded counted for nothing. This was tough to take, but Ronaldinho had racked up 50 goals and 38 assists in 2 seasons. And at 27, Barcelona’s number 10 appeared for all the world to have many years left at the top..
Coming Down
Following the 1990 World Cup which saw Maradona lose the final, the game after declaring Italian fans “hijo de putas” as the cameras panned on him for whistling out the Argentine national anthem in the Stadio San Paulo, supposedly his Kingdom, things would go from bad to worse on his return to the stadium for Napoli.
For now there was a drive in the police’s scrutiny into organised crime in Naples, and noone with connections to the Camorra was guaranteed immunity, including Diego Maradona. His time of everyone turning a blind eye to his off-field activities was up. It was the worst kept secret around that drug problems were beginning to affect his football, and media hints about the dark hole Maradona was falling down with the grip drugs had over him were appearing more and more frequently.
As police investigated the Camorra, listening into conversations, Maradona found himself being taped by police, requesting cocaine and prostitutes. This led to a police investigation into Maradona, meanwhile Napoli chose this time to abandon their lax random drug testing regime, and Maradona was randomly tested twice, both by Napoli doctors and outside doctors brought in by the club. Both tests returned positive. Diego returned to Argentina, but there was no escape to his problems. A police raid at a house he was staying at found him asleep next to grams of cocaine, he was arrested.
Maradona received a 15-month ban from football, having his final season with Napoli cut short after scoring just 6 goals in 18 league games and 10 in 26 in all competitions. His final goal for the club felt like a fitting one at the time, a consolation penalty in a 4-1 defeat away to Sampdoria. Napoli finished the season in 8th, where they finished in Diego’s 1st season with the club. The cycle had been completed and Maradona’s Neapolitan dream had turned into a nightmare.
In 07/08 Ronaldinho found himself afflicted with regular injuries for the first time in his career. It couldn’t be put down to bad luck. He had lost his motivation and had stopped looking after his body. His partying and lack of dedication to training saw him lose his peak physical condition. Barcelona’s best and most important player just the season prior, Ronaldinho found that even when he was fit a place in the starting 11 was now hard to secure with the continuing emergence of Lionel Messi and the signing of Thierry Henry.
Barcelona had a poor season, finishing 18 points behind Champions Real Madrid and 10 points behind 2nd placed Villarreal. It signalled the need for a change. Rijkaard was to be replaced in the summer by former Barca midfielder Pep Guardiola, and Juan Laporta declared Ronaldinho needed a new challenge to revive his career. Ronaldinho’s season ended prematurely with an injury, after 9 goals in 26 games, numbers almost identical to Maradona’s last season in Naples. Ronaldinho’s final goal also came in a away defeat where his side shipped 4, as they went down 4-2 to Atletico Madrid. Though the Brazilian’s goal was a touch more special, coming with a spectacular overhead kick.
Just a year on from seeming irreplaceable for Barcelona, Ronaldinho was now surplus to requirements. He joined AC Milan, after rejecting Manchester City who under their new Abu Dhabi owners had placed a bid of £25.5 million.
Maradona and Ronaldinho played by far the best and most consistent football of their career for their 2nd European club. Maradona scored 115 goals in 259 Napoli games, Ronaldinho 94 in 207 for Barcelona. Not including penalties Maradona scored 73 and Ronaldinho 75.
Country
Maradona made his Argentina debut in 1977 aged 16 though missed out on making the World Cup squad the following year which Argentina hosted and won. Diego had to make do with the 1979 World Youth Championships instead, where he netted 6 in 6 including 1 in the final in a 3-1 win over the Soviet Union.
Maradona’s first World Cup came in 1982, in the country he was then plying his trade. Expectations on Barcelona’s new signing were huge, but it didn’t go to plan. He scored in just 1 of the 5 matches he played, a brace against Hungary and was sent off against Brazil, as his frustrations at his repeatedly rough but unpunished treatment at the finals reached boiling point.
Maradona entered the 1986 World Cup with his head in a bad place. With an illegitimate child on the way, conceived from an affair, Maradona was grateful for something to occupy his focus and he played the tournament like a man with nothing on his mind other than to lead his team to glory. In the Quarter-Finals Argentina met England in the first match between the sides since the Falklands War.
The match came to epitomise Maradona’s legacy as he scored the 2 most famous goals ever within 4 minutes of each other. After England defender Steve Hodge could only lift the ball back in the direction of his own goal, the 5 foot 5 Maradona rose in the air to direct the ball over the outstretched fist of the 6 foot Peter Shilton. Just like the England keeper, Maradona went at the ball with his hand but in such a way both the referee and the linesman missed it. Diego later described the goal as being a “little with the head of Maradona and a little with the hand of God”. The goal subsequently became known as ‘the Hand of God’. If Maradona’s first goal demonstrated his win or die mentality, the second showed the pure artistry of the game’s most gifted genuis. Receiving the ball in his own half, Maradona dribbled past anyone in a white shirt before rounding Shilton and slotting home ‘the goal of the Century’. Maradona had secured his place as Argentina’s favourite son, restoring much needed national pride after the humiliation of the Falklands defeat.
3 days later Maradona single-handedly took Belgium apart, again scoring a brace including another spectacular solo goal. A world cup winning assist in the final against West Germany gave Maradona 5 goals and 5 assists in 7 matches, he played every minute for his side. In the best individual performances ever produced at the FIFA World Cup, Maradona scored or assisted 10 of Argentina’s 14 goals.
The 1990 tournament was the second time Diego played a World Cup in the country where he was playing his club football and he was counting on the support of the Naples people to help him and his team retain the trophy. All seemed to be well after Argentina bounced back from a shock 1-0 defeat to Cameroon by beating the Soviet Union in Naples infront of a supportive crowd, Maradona’s hand again playing a part as he handled on the line to prevent a certain Soviet goal and again got away with it. A 1-1 draw with Romania meant Argentina scraped through in 3rd place and met Group C winners Brazil in the round of 16. Maradona got revenge for 1982 as he produced his best moment of the tournament to brilliantly set up the only goal of the game for Cannigia.
After beating Yugoslavia in a shootout despite a miss from Maradona, Argentina met Italy in Naples. Maradona aimed to stoke tensions between the North and the South, encouraging Neapolitan’s to support the man who had brought their football club so much success and joy, instead of their National side with him saying “The Italians are asking Neapolitan’s to be Italian for a day, yet for the other 364 days in the year they forget all about Naples.” His attempt ultimately proved unsuccessful evidenced by the whistling out of the Argentina national anthem, but Maradona scored the decisive kick in the shootout to put his side into their second successive World Cup final. They would meet Germany again, but that’s where the similarities would end, as the 3-2 final of 4 years ago was replaced with a dour, bad tempered game which Germany won 1-0.
After returning from a 15-month suspension for drug use, Maradona was left out of the Argentina squad which won the 1993 Copa America, but during a humiliating 5-0 home defeat to Colombia in a World Cup Qualifier, the fans began to chant for Maradona, their cries getting louder as one goal after another hit the back of their net. The saviour answered their calls, captaining the side as they narrowly squeezed past Australia in the qualification play-off.
In the months approaching the World Cup, Maradona was more motivated than he’d been for years. Training harder than ever at a remote farm free of all distractions, he had a dramatic weight loss, transformed from the bloated out of shape Diego the world had become familiar with. Intense training, a drastic diet, vitamins, minerals, weight reduction drugs and short-term energy providing drugs were responsible for Maradona dropping almost 3 and 1/2 stone.
Diego’s lack of confidence in conventional medicine meant he relied on his own personal doctors to get him in the best condition possible for USA 94, these being Fernando Signorini and bodybuilder Daniel Cerini. Signorini had serious concerns about Cerini due to the use of anabolic steroids by his girlfriend in a bodybuilding contest which led to a positive drugs test in 1989, but nobody in Team Maradona ever dared speak out against another member of the team, if that person had Maradona’s trust.
And just like Maradona had complete faith in his team, the Nation of Argentina aswell as his own teammates had complete faith in him to power them to a successful World Cup. And their faith seemed well placed after the opening game which saw Argentina take Greece apart 4-0 with a Batistuta hattrick. Maradona made it 3-0 on the hour mark, after a passage of teamplay which highlighted the extent to which the team was playing on the same wavelength. Maradona’s celebration was his most famous ever, as he ran straight at the camera, wide eyed with passion running through him.
At half-time during Argentina’s 2nd match, a 2-1 win over Nigeria, Maradona was one of two players on each side drawn for a random drugs test. At full time Maradona left the field hand in hand with a nurse, riding a wave of positive emotion after back to back World Cup wins. He was about to come crashing down.
Maradona tested positive. An over the counter, weight reducing drug containing a FIFA banned performance enhancing supplement provided to him by Daniel Cerini was responsible. The relationship and lack of trust between Cerini and Argentina team doctors was so bad that neither was kept up to date with what the other was giving to him, so Argentina were left unaware of the drugs Maradona was taking. Though given the controversy surrounding Cerini they could’ve taken a guess, but noone would dare challenge a Maradona man, all that mattered to anyone was that he was on the pitch. Well after this he wouldn’t be as he received his 2nd 15-month ban in 4 years.
FIFA found Diego not guilty of consciously taking performance enhancing drugs, and believed he was unaware of its components. But regardless he was hit with a ban for breaching Fifa doping regulations. Here Maradona’s history as a drug user went against him. At the Mexico 86 World Cup a Spain player was found to have PED’s in their system, but he escaped punishment with only his doctor being banned. There was no such luck for Maradona who never wore the shirt of his beloved Argentina again. Argentina’s World Cup too effectively ended there as without their talisman they lost to Bulgaria and Romania who knocked them out.
Like Maradona, Ronaldinho also garnered some attention for his performances in a FIFA World Youth Championships, the U’17s version which took place in Egypt in 1997 with Brazil romping to the title scoring 21 goals for the loss of just 2.
1999 was a very busy year for Ronaldinho on the international scene, first he appeared in the U’20 World Championships, before receiving his first cap for the senior team in a 3-0 win against Latvia. Ronaldinho was 19 at the time and in just his 2nd season as a pro, this became even more impressive when he was selected for the 1999 Copa America and scored his first goal for the Selecao at the tournament. It was the other 2 R’s: Ronaldo and Rivaldo who were the stars of the show though, as they helped themselves to 5 goals apiece, as Brazil won the trophy. It was the following week at the Confederations Cup where the teenager truly broke out on the International scene, as he scored in every game bar the final, winning the award for best player and top scorer with 6, including a semi-final hattrick against Saudi Arabia. Brazil went down 4-3 in the final though to hosts Mexico.
The following year Ronaldinho was part of the U’23 squad that competed at the Summer Olympics in Sydney. He was in fine form heading into the tournament, scoring 9 goals in 7 pre-tournament games but the Olympics itself was a disappointment with Brazil exiting at the Quarter-Final stage.
At the 2002 Japan/Korea World Cup Ronaldinho scored 2 and assisted 3 as his country won their 5th title. The victory held many parallels with Maradona’s triumph with Argentina in 1986. Like then, Brazil became champions 8 years after their previous win. And like Maradona, Ronaldinho met and beat England 2-1 in the Quarter-Finals. With England leading 1-0 and the first half drawing to a close Ronaldinho received the ball just inside his own half and took off dribbling, running straight at the heart of the English defence. After beating Ashley Cole with a stepover and a turn of acceleration he kept his cool to slip a perfectly weighted pass to Rivaldo who didn’t disappoint.
Just as Maradona did in the ‘Hand of God’ game, Ronaldinho made his 2nd key contribution to the final outcome just a few game minutes after his 1st. 5 minutes into the second half, Ronaldinho stood over a free kick 40 yards out. With keeper David Seaman off his line anticipating a ball into the box, the ball instead flew over his head and landed just under the crossbar and inside the post. The goal was considered a freak, a stroke of good luck for Ronaldinho with him mishitting an attempted cross. And many people still hold that opinion to do this day, but I do not. The ball is so far away from any Brazilian player, I can’t see how a player as talented as Ronaldinho could misdirect a ball so bad as to completely miss out everyone on his team. Seaman was stood in a bad position, too far off his line for a keeper of short stature and Ronaldinho saw an opportunity to go for goal and executed it perfectly. This goal being dismissed as an accident I think is of great disservice to the Brazilian. But regardless just like the Hand of God goal Maradona scored, Ronaldinho also caused an England keeper to feel great embarrassment.
A red card shown to Ronaldinho prevented it from being a perfect afternoon for him as it forced him to miss the Semi-Final. Both Maradona and Ronaldinho’s sole World Cup victories also featured a 2-0 win over Belgium and victory in the final against Germany.
Ronaldinho’s next tournament was the 2005 Confederations Cup which he also won, receiving man of the match for his performance in a 4-1 final win against Argentina in which he also scored. Hopes were high heading into the 2006 World Cup that Brazil could retain the trophy. But the 3 R’s of Rivaldo, Ronaldinho and Ronaldo which worked to devastating effect in Japan and Korea, was replaced by a top heavy attack of Kaka, Ronaldinho, Adriano and Ronaldo. All these stars together didn’t gel as Ronaldinho turned out the worst performances of his stellar international career and Brazil were eliminated in the Quarter-Finals.
Two years later at the Beijing Olympics Ronaldinho was selected as one of Brazil’s overage players as they took the Bronze medal, but he was cut from a Dunga’s initial 30-man squad for the 2010 World Cup, where Brazil were unable to improve upon a Quarter-Final exit. Ronaldinho was captain for a 2013 friendly against Chile, but was not called up for the Confederations Cup that year that Brazil won or the 2014 World Cup they hosted.
Maradona won 91 caps for his national side scoring 34 goals and Ronaldinho won 97 caps, including atleast one a year for 14 years and scored 33 goals. Both men scored 7 in their most prolific years for their country.
Reaching the End
After serving his first 15-month ban Maradona joined his former Argentina manager Carlos Bilardo at Sevilla. Overweight and undisciplined Maradona rarely performs and doesn’t endear himself any further to his employers by spending many nights in a local brothel with his teammates. His lack of fitness and absence from training leads Bilardo to feel unable to trust him to finish a game and he substitutes him. Maradona calls him a “son of a bitch” as he leaves the field. In the dressing room, the two come to blows with Diego later saying “we punched the shit out of each other.” The game would be his last in a Sevilla shirt.
Maradona is then offered a reprieve at Newell’s Old Boys but seems unable to motivate himself. The energy boosting drugs he’s taking at the time mean that after an initial burst of energy he fades badly in games. His stay is shortlived.
Whilst serving a second drugs ban, Maradona tries his hand at management with Deportivo Mandiyu, but they are relegated in a match where Diego is seen on camera calling the referee “a thief, a liar and a gutless coward without balls.” When the ban is over Maradona returns for a second spell with his beloved Boca Juniors where the curtain comes down on his career on his 37th birthday after 31 games spread across 3 seasons.
Ronaldinho scored his 1st goal for Milan in a 1-0 derby win over Internazionale. However after a good start, he struggled with fitness and often started games from the bench. A lack of dedication in training and late night partying led departing manager Carlo Ancelotti to declare “The decline of Ronaldinho hasn't surprised me. His physical condition has always been very precarious. His talent though has never been in question."
Ronaldinho did much better in his 2nd season under Leonardo, a fellow Brazilian who was more lenient towards his nighttime activities. Ronaldinho scored 12 and assisted 14, more than anyone else in that season’s Serie A. Likely Milan’s best player that season, he scored 2 braces against Juventus, home and away, and a hattrick against Sienna. However the following season, the arrivals of Robinho and Zlatan Ibrahimovic, plus the stricter coach Massimiliano Allegri saw Ronaldinho’s time in Milan come to an end. Referring to a night Ronaldinho was spotted out in the early hours a couple of days before a Milan Derby, Allegri said in a press conference that “it was not an hour for an athlete to be awake.” That quote applied to many nights during Ronaldinho’s stay in Italy, one night at a Music festival he was implored by Milan fans to go home in order to be ready for training tomorrow, the Brazilian just laughed and told them not to worry. He was determined to enjoy himself and didn’t care who saw him.
This would change when he returned home to Brazil and joined Flamengo, with the club setting up a telephone hotline if they spotted the new club captain enjoying a night out, such were there frequency. 20,000 Flamengo supporters were present for Ronaldinho’s unveiling and although there was some good moments such as when he hit a hattrick during a 5-4 win against Santos in a game they’d trailed 3-0 in, he in the end cancelled his contract and sued Flamengo over lack of payment.
Ronaldinho then joined Atletico Mineiro and won the Bola de Ouro (league’s best player) award in his 1st season. In his 2nd season he won the Copa Libertadores, the first in Mineiro’s history, with Ronaldinho contributing 4 goals and 7 assists to the success. Mineiro lost the first leg of both the semi and the final 2-0 but won both ties on penalties. Ronaldinho was awarded the 2013 South American Footballer of the Year. At the FIFA World Club Cup, following a semi-final match Ronaldinho was mobbed by the players of Raja Casablanca, as they stripped him for souvenirs as a memento from sharing a pitch with their idol.
Ronaldinho then moved to Mexico side Queretaro where the highlight came in an away fixture to Club America where he scored twice in a 4-0 win and received a standing ovation from the home fans. Things were not as positive at his next and final club Fluimenese, where he appeared just 9 times before deciding to quit the club, no longer happy with his level. Maradona scored 311 goals in 589 games in club football and Ronaldinho 266 in 699. Both players will be fondly remembered by everyone who saw them on a football pitch, for their contribution to the beautiful game.
Sources: Hand of God The Life of Diego Maradona by Jimmy Burns, The making of Ronaldinho- how the Brazilian superstar broke through at PSG (FourFourTwo Magazine), Remembering Ronaldinho’s excessive Milan Nights (Bleacher Report)
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Congrats on your follower milestone my dear! You certainly deserve it 😘 For the rebelcaptain prompts, how about fake dating in a modern au?
IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE :D
Thank you so much Jen!!! (and I hope you like havin a laff bc I apparently went straight up comedy/fluff for this hahahahhahahaha)
Fuck.
Fuckity fuck.
That bitch washeading her way and unless she did something stat, Jyn Erso may as well kissher miserable excuse for a life goodbye. She probably (100%) should not have had that second wine earlier, but her day hadrather called for it and naturally, it was hard to resist when you had good-for-nothing best friends in the background yelling over the pounding ofthe bass, “So you got fired! Fucking drink, bitch, and you’ll forget all aboutit!”
“Until I wake uptomorrow with no job,” Jyn had pointed out earlier that evening.
“Tomorrow’stomorrow, this is now!” Bodhi had called out to her, before naturally gettingdistracted by his newest piece of ‘mancake’ (who was admittedly kind of hot atleast this time, in a Californian surfer dude kind of way).
Hence the reasonshe was now well on her way to Trolleyed Town, when JUST HER GODDAMN LUCK,Queen McFuck Your Boyfriend showed up.
Somewhere up there(or down there? She was casting a bit of judgement now) The Big G himself wassplitting a rib laughing at her.
“Quick!” sheslammed her glass down and turned to the first person she could see – a kind ofscruffy, yet not-un-handsome dark-haired bloke sat on the barstool next to her.“We have to do something!”
The bloke ignoredher completely.
“WHY AM I DOOMEDTO DIE OF PURE HUMILIATION?”
“I’m sorry–? Areyou talking to me?” the bloke finally turned.
“Finally! I amgraced with His Majesty’s presence!” Jyn would have curtseyed, if she weren’talready sat down on her own bar stool and too worried about her balance shouldshe get off. “I literally have less than 30 seconds before McBitch shows herface and I’m not at the point of literally running away yet, so you have tohelp me!”
“McBitch?”
“KEEP THE FUCK UP,she slept with my boyfriend!” Jyn yelled.
High and Mighty ScruffyBoi crinkled his nose as he glanced around in confusion. Maia (otherwise known as ‘McBitch’) had almost certainly spotted her at this point,if the little wave was anything to go by. Damn her and her perfectlystraightened hair, deep tan and baby blues that she swore could rope in demonsif she truly put her talents to work. Not that Maia had ever lifted a manicuredfinger for herself in her entire life. Scruffy Boi was eyeing herappreciatively, so Jyn groaned and tugged on his shoulder.
“Do not be takenin by the hotness,” she insisted. “She will roast your insides and eat youalive.”
“How could youstill be alive if she’s already roasted your insides?”
“SCRUFFY BOI, KEEPUP,” she cried. “I cannot let her win!”
“Well, what thehell do you want me to do about it?” Scruffy Boi asked, eyes slightly unfocusedas if this constant back and forth conversion was whooshing straight over hishead, along with her dignity and self-respect, particularly in the wake of whatshe was about to say next. Did she have much choice?
She was alreadyregretting it.
“I want you tokiss me.”
No, she trulydidn’t wake up this morning thinking that she was going to end up here. Believeit or not, but Jyn Erso usually lived a very quiet life! She lived alone, sheloved tea and snuggly blankets and occasionally entertained the odd guest(which basically just meant Bodhi coming over and eating out her entirefridge). She had done the crazy shitalready. She wasn’t 16 and on the streets anymore, drinking until 5am andsleeping with Scott Melshi (now THERE was a mistake). Nopity nope, she was aself-confessed grandma now, and she was totally ok with that! She only wantedwhat everyone else in their late 20s wanted: a stable job and living withoutthe debilitating fear that she was going to die alone and in debt.
Of course McBitchhad to move in.
She honestlywasn’t quite sure what had come over her in asking this very random, verybewildered (albiet very cute) guy to kiss her, but what could she say, she wason a roll here. She knew it sounded ridiculous, even as the words were comingout of her mouth, but she hadn’t stopped them. She knew that she didn’t live ina romance novel like that line seemed to have apparently walked straight outof. In fact, Jyn was 100% certain that he was about two seconds away fromtelling her to fuck off, which would be fair. Honestly, since it was years agoJyn wasn’t really pissed about the whole ‘being cheated on’ thing anymore, itwas more the fact that McBitch seemed to think they were still BFFs for someunholy reason (did ‘you slept with myboyfriend and I hate you’ mean nothing?) so she would honestly just takewhat she could get.
Scruffy boistarted laughing. He was shaking his head and as he drained the last of hisdrink and Jyn sighed in exasperation.
“Fine, go on then.Laugh it up, mate,” she said. “My life is now a sham, thanks to you! I hope yourealise–”
Somewhere inbetween his laughing and her complaining, she had apparently failed to realisethat he had slipped off his bar stool and now stood in front of her. In fact,she didn’t realise anything at all until he was cutting off her words, kissingher with the kind of passion that can only come from third drinks and latehours.
Well, holy shit.
The bar stool shesat on gave her the added height she needed to comfortably reach his lips, and JesusChrist, what a pair of lips they were. She always liked to think that she’dbeen not just kissed, but Kissed™ at least a fair few times throughout herlife, but apparently she was wrong. Scott Melshi had been an opening act. ScruffyBoi was where it was at and she didn’t think, she only felt with a kind ofblind ohmygodohmygodohmygod panic.Where was fucking Bodhi when she was the one finally being the wild one for achange? Scruffy Boi gripped her hips in a way that made her stomach flip andshe separated her knees, drawing him in, dragging him closer –
“Oh my god, Jyn!Haven’t seen you in forever – have I caught you at a bad time?”
Bitch, you can very well see that this is afucking bad time!
Jyn pulled away invery un-fake irritation. She kept an arm slung around Scruffy Boi’s shouldersand she turned to face McBitch. “Oh, Maia. You could not have turned up at aworse time. How’s it going, girl?”
“Oh, so great,thanks for asking,” Maia simpered
“Was there anything you actually wanted? ‘cause I’m kind of busy…”
She felt Scruffy Boi’s lips pressed firmly to her neck, travelling theskin there and quite honestly, it was making it very difficult to think. He wasapparently taking her request to heart and Jyn noticed Maia’s eyes narrowingslightly as she watched. Time to milkthis. “Hey, babe,” she nudged Scruffy’s Boi’s head with her own, making himglance up. “This is Maia, we knew each other back in the day.”
“Oh hey, Cassian,”he introduced himself. He pressed closer to Jyn, occupying her space with hishands at her hips. “I’m the boyfriend.”
Yeah, you are.
“I didn’t evenknow you were dating again!” Maia said in false happiness.
“Yes, this isCASSIAN, my BOYFRIEND,” Jyn practically yelled. Quite frankly, her quota tohold inane conversations had been used up and she made a point to turning backto Scruffy Boi (wait, Cassian, of coursethe guy’s name is Cassian, you never could choose a Peter or a John could you?).She didn’t give him any warning when she kissed him this time, but she hoped togod that he’d just roll with it and he did. They were probably way toooverly-enthusiastic, but there was just enough tongue to make her stomach churnand she found her hands snaking up around his neck, into his hair.
It took severalminutes for Maia to finally get the hint and trill, “Um, byeeeee then!” beforeflouncing off through the club.
Jyn hastily pulledback from him, praying that her face wasn’t as red as it felt.
“Oh good god, thank you,” she breathed with relief.
“I – shit – Imean,” he laughed nervously, stepping back out of her arms. “No problem.”
“I didn’t even say– my name’s Jyn.”
“Cassian,” hereiterated for her. Bizarrely, he held out a hand for her to shake and she tookit. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too.”
“I feel like I’mkind of owed an explanation for… well, whatever all that was,” Cassian pulledback to wave his hand in the general direction that Maia had gone off to. “Idon’t know… did you want a drink or something?”
It only took herabout five seconds to make the decision.
“Sounds great.”
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Galactica, part 223
In this the V list writes again, Courtney get’s in trouble, Max considers, Bianca is struggling, Laila tries again and Violet has had enough.
Thank you to @veronicasanders @toriibelledarling and @samrull <3 You’re amazing <3
Bianca stirred, sliding her hands to Courtney’s side of the bed, a wave of disappointment hitting her when she felt the empty sheets. She sighed and rolled over. She’d been hoping, it being her birthday, and since they’d been up so late the night before, that Courtney would forego the early morning run for this ONE day so that they could have a nice, lazy morning together. Oh well. She covered her face with the pillow.
***
“Biaaaanca…” a soft voice crooned, hands gently tugging at the covers.
Bianca opened her eyes to see Courtney snuggled up beside her, a tray of food next to them on the bed. The smell of fresh coffee and bacon in the air. She smiled lazily, kissing Courtney on the mouth.
“Happy Birthday…” said the blonde. “Hungry?”
“For you? Always.” Bianca pulled Courtney closer, kissing her again, tasting her lips.
Courtney giggled and pushed her away. “No, I made you breakfast, and I didn’t even burn anything! AND I touched bacon. Is that love or what?” Courtney reached over and picked up the fork, lifting a mouthful of fluffy scrambled eggs to Bianca’s mouth.
Bianca took a bite obediently, settling back against the pillows. “I thought you went out running,” she said, running her fingers through Courtney’s hair.
“On your birthday? No. Unless you count running to the corner for pastries.” Courtney smiled and continued to feed her while Bianca’s hands roamed all over her body. “Does it taste okay?”
Bianca nodded, pulling her closer by the hips, accepting a sip from the cup of coffee Courtney held to her lips. She nuzzled Courtney’s neck as she set the coffee back down. “I love you.”
“Me too, B…” Courtney’s hands cupped Bianca’s face, tilting her chin up, stroking her cheeks. When dimples appeared beneath her fingers, Courtney smiled back, and reached over towards the nightstand, pulling open a drawer handing Bianca a small, wrapped box. “Happy birthday.”
“Baby. You didn’t have to buy me anything. You did the whole weekend away, and--”
Courtney silenced her with a kiss. “Just open it.”
Bianca unwrapped the package carefully.
“Careful, B, a tiny bit of paper got ripped in the corner,” Courtney teased.
“Hey, I didn’t get rich wasting wrapping paper,” Bianca laughed. She opened the jewelry box to reveal a copper cuff bracelet covered in opal and amethyst.
Courtney fingered her hair nervously. “That’s...those are our birthstones. Raven made fun of me for the idea, she said it was cheesy, but she ended up helping me at the jewelry designer...Do you like it?”
Bianca looked up at her. “I love it.”
“Really? It’s okay if you don’t, I--”
“Come here…” Bianca pulled her close. “This is the best birthday I have ever had. You know why?”
“This warmer than average autumn weather we’re having?” Courtney fluttered her lashes.
Bianca closed her eyes and rested her head on Courtney’s chest, listening to her pounding heartbeat. “Yeah, that’s it. The fucking weather.”
Courtney laughed and snuggled in tightly, laying her cheek on top of Bianca’s head.
***
Hey V-Listers! So, looks like Li’l Courtney Act had a big ol’ debutante ball for her first album yesterday (which, btw, we are going to fully review in detail once it comes out), and I think we should have a little slideshow to discuss some of the fashion, eh?
Let’s start with the ever-mysterious Ms. Violet Chachki, who is always so elusive on the red carpet. We managed to find a shot where she’s semi-facing the cameras, and check out the stunning ensemble! Violet, why not strut on carpets more often? She looks positively beautiful - Grace Kelly with a modern twist. If this kid continues to allow us to occasionally photograph her, we could be looking at one of the most important style icons of her generation. She’s classic, edgy, vintage and ahead of the trend at the same time, with not a hair out of place. 10/10!
On the other hand, here’s Courtney, who often has tragically questionable taste. (Remember the - gulp - sparkly jelly platforms she wore all summer? #yikes) Tonight though, we will hand it to her, she looks great. From the new haircut, to the red lip, to the simple black dress and thigh-high boots, it almost looks like our baby is all growed up. Awwww…
(BDR, please don’t break up with her just because she doesn’t look 16 tonight, okay? We kind of like her. We can’t wait to listen to some queer pop music, either. Even if it sucks, we know the videos will be hot, so, we’re on board.)
OMG, so...have you guys heard that Broadway star/philanthropist/former alcoholic disaster Jinkx Monsoon is in some kind of delicious little sapphic Trifecta with Adore Delano, the punk princess herself (and the baby sister of BDR, one of Jinkx’s good friends - knowing B, they’ve slept together over the years, so this is just super incestuous) AND Alaska Honard, Galactica’s Lead Makeup Artist and SVP of their makeup line??? (Alaska has been under the radar for the last few years, but you may remember her from her last relationship with Broadway producer and professional pain in the ass, Sharon Needles.)
So these three, god bless them, are like our own little Charlie’s Angels come to life! You’ve got Alaska, the smart, sexy blonde in the center there, in her chic teal wrap dress and black frame glasses. There’s the stunning redhead, fresh from her Evita performance, in a slitted gown, cinched for the gods, about a zillion dollars worth of diamonds, and you know, just a casual fur shrug. Now, we’re really happy for Jinkx and all her success and clean living etc etc etc. But we do have to admit that we miss the hot mess who used to entertain us by passing out in gutters with her dresses around her waist.
Which brings us to Adore. First of all, Adore, nice eye makeup. Second, maybe you’re like to be introduced to this amazing new device called a HAIR BRUSH? Third, what the actual fuck is happening with your CLOTHES, GURL??? It looks like she robbed a gang of 90s B-girls and then stole ALL their clothes. Like she’s homeless and wearing EVERYTHING she owns. Plus like 4 flannels around her waist. We only approve if this ridiculous ensemble is accompanied by even more ridiculous behavior. So either start your downward spiral, stat, or step up your fashion game, Adore. Because you rolling with some classy bitches now.
Last but certainly not least, here’s Raja Amrull and Miss Fame of Galactica. Both of them look gorgeous as usual. Raja is in a stunning minidress and killer boots - WE NEED THESE IMMEDIATELY. Fame even seems to be getting into the spirit of the event, with some sexy leather pants that accentuate her feminine assets quite well, and an open-weave sweater that comes dangerously close to showing off some other assets. But even more interesting than their sartorial choices for the evening is the fact that their partners are both suspiciously absent. And both of them are looking a little glassy-eyed and cuddling awwwwwful close, doncha think? I mean not to start rumors but we’re just saying…*
That’s all for now, kiddos! Talk to you soon!!
Kisses, V
*We are saying that they are possibly fucking each other, in case that wasn’t clear. Feel free to discuss…
***
“How do you pleasure a woman?”
Katya looked up, the handful of popcorn almost dropping out as her mouth hung open. Her and Max had been watching TV, Katya absentmindedly rocking Ivan on her legs, her feet up on the coffee table, Ivan with her since Trixie was out getting groceries, Ivan going through bananas like a machine.
“What?” Katya couldn’t believe what she had just heard. Had Max, Max Malaphany, asked her about sex? She knew he had been getting more and more serious with Ruby, the redhead a near permanent fixture in the apartment’s kitchen whenever Max wasn’t working, and even when Max was working she was still always there. Katya had heard Max talk and chitter, chat and laugh in the middle of the night when Ivan couldn’t sleep, Max showing Katya the google hangout setup he had made for him and Ruby so she could see what he was working on whenever she had her computer open. “Max... Are you asking me how to pleasure a woman sexually?”
Max looked uncomfortable, his cheeks red, the man staring at the TV, even though Katya knew that he wasn’t the least bit interested in how Ted Mosby once again failed in getting Robin to love him. “Would it be wrong if I did?”
“No, no, oh my god no!” Katya sat up, Ivan going on her arm as she looked at her friend. “I’m not complaining, I’m just not sure why you’ve chosen to ask me?”
“You’re a woman, right?” Max smiled, and Katya felt her heartbeat slow down a little.
“I am, but I just…” Katya reached out with her foot and turned the TV off, Max turning his head so they looked at each other. “Why not ask Trixie? Or even Pearl for that matter. They have more sex with woman than I do.”
“Yes.” Max scratched his cheek, his ears going red too. “But I’m asking you.”
“Do you want to have sex?” Katya gently bounced Ivan, the little boy babbling, his hand in his mouth and Katya briefly considered if it was right to have a conversation like that with her infant son on her hip. “I mean, you’ve never really-”
“Seemed interested?”
“Yes.”
Max smiled, the man reaching out to take Ivan from Katya who had attacked the popcorn bowl, the two falling into conversation, his ears still red as they talked.
***
Bianca was sitting with Dan, going over some layout boards, when Joslyn rushed in. “Bianca? Detox Sanderson is on the phone for you. He says it’s urgent.”
“He always says that. Tell him to go fuck himself, I’ll call him back later.”
Joslyn left and then re-appeared a few moments later. “Um. He says it’s really, really urgent. It’s about Courtney. He said ‘someone is trying to fuck with your girl and you need to get old school on their ass.’”
Bianca’s head snapped up. She lifted the receiver. “This better not be a cry wolf situation, De.” She cupped her hand over the mouthpiece and waved Dan and Joslyn away, mouthing “We’re done.”
“It’s not. I saw the pictures.”
“What pictures?”
“Some dude emailed us. He’s got nude pictures of Courtney. He’s trying to sell them. He came here and the guys kicked it up to me because of how much money he wants. Obviously he sent us censored versions but they’re legit. It’s definitely her.”
“Fuck! Who is this asshole?!”
“I don’t know. Some guy she went to college with? I told him we need an hour. I suggest you get the label to buy the pictures and squash it.”
“How much does he want?”
“Fifty grand.”
“That’s nothing.”
“I know. Have fun destroying his life.”
“Forward me the little twat’s info, okay?”
“Sure.”
“And De?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you. For looking out.”
“Of course. I have a teenage daughter, too, you know.”
“You know, I was trying to say something nice, you fuckhead,” Bianca said, as Detox laughed on the other end of the line, hanging up. “Asshole.”
***
“Laila! Come on!” Pearl smiled brightly. They were in Max’s studio, Pearl’s hair around her head in a dutch braid, her face bare and freshly washed.
“I’m coming, I’m coming okay, just because you’re not wearing makeup doesn’t mean I’m not.” Laila called from Max’s small bathroom, making the photographer who was eating a banana smile as he looked at Pearl.
“Give her time.”
“I’m sorry, I just want to get started.” Pearl blew a bit of hair away from her face, before she sat down on a chair. It was early morning, and Pearl was technically supposed to be downstairs at her department, but Pearl had always been fearless in the face of danger, and had given the command of the morning to Laganja, the social media department focusing their time on following what the autumn fashion was right now, Pearl having spent days on the street’s documenting what the New Yorkers were wearing.
“Okay, I’m here!” Laila smiled, and Pearl felt her heart skip a beat. Laila was beautiful, her girlfriend's newly colored hair a vibrant purple, and Pearl smiled. Her Laila was back, not completely of course, Laila still having days where she could barely get out of bed, days where she couldn’t eat anything, no matter what Pearl tempted her with, but here she was, her Laila, her girl. Laila found her makeup case as Max sent up his camera, making sure everything was centered, and Pearl felt giddy with anticipation.
Laila looked at Pearl, the woman holding a brush, a small smile on her face. “Are you ready?” Pearl nodded, leaning forward, their lips meeting in a brief, sweet kiss before Max started the camera and Laila turned around.
“Hi everyone, I’m Laila McQueen, and this is my halloween makeup tutorials, modeled by my lovely girlfriend, Pearl Liaison.”
***
“I’ll pay it myself!” Bianca screeched into the phone.
“It’s not that simple, B. The label obviously wants them out. They want the publicity. Courtney already signed the waiver saying she was okay with it.”
“She did WHAT?!”
“Yeah, the label asked her to sign, just to protect them. So they’re gonna let the Enquirer deal happen, but they’ll hold the story until Wednesday after the album drops, then of course they will issue a press release about how horrified they are, poor little baby pop star being taken advantage of by a bitter ex. They’ll have her speak to girls about protecting themselves and whatever. They literally just sent me a 20 page media plan about it.”
“And Courtney AGREED to this? What the fuck, she didn’t even call me.”
“Well, you’re not her mother, Bianca.”
“What if I offer to double the money?” Her voice rose with panic.
“That would make you an insane person. Five Gs...Good god, get a grip, girl.”
“Fuck.”
“Listen, she’s not the first singer to have nude photos out. They aren’t gratuitous. Just...seriously. Let it go, hon.”
***
Violet fought with her key, finally getting the door to Sutan’s apartment open, her stomach tight with worry as she rushed Frida and herself inside. She was late, later than usual, and she felt horrible, but she had been caught up at work, the designs for Marie Claire taking all of her time.
“Sutan? Are you here? I bought pizza like you asked!”
Violet toed off her shoes, balancing the cardboard box as she unclicked Frida’s leash, Frida racing inside to get to Sutan, the little dog so excited to see her daddy. “Sutan? Sutan, are you in the shower?” Violet walked into the livingroom, jacket still on, her other hand holding onto the tote bags she had brought along, Sutan’s halloween costume in it. Violet put down the pizza, looking around as Frida came back, the pup whining, the little creature almost running in circle as she whimpered.
“Sutan! I’m serious, where are you?” Violet sat down, gently running her hand over Frida, the pup nibbling on her fingers. Violet took out her phone and dialed Sutan’s number, her stomach hurting slightly, the ever familiar knot collecting there as she waited for Sutan to pick up the phone.
“Violet?”
“Hi, Sutan, where are you? I’m at your apartment and no one’s here...”
“You’re at my place?”
“... Yes? We were suppose to meet up for dinner...” Violet bit her lip.
"Oh right, I was there but you were late, so I had to go.”
“You had to go? But I’m here now?” Violet couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She hadn’t been that late, or, if she was honest it was close to 30 minutes, but it wasn't the worst she had ever done. “We have to try the costu-”
"Listen I'm on my way uptown. I know it sucks, that I’m not home for dinner, I know, but can't you just order something? I’ll pay for it."
“... What?”
“You knew I had to go out tonight, it’s been part of the deal all along, I’ll be home some time later tonight.”
Violet didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to do, her throat totally closed up.
"Listen love, just send me a picture of the receipt, okay? We can talk tomorrow.”
“I…”
"Tomorrow, okay baby? You were late after all, but don’t worry about it. Everything will be fine. I love you, and I'm serious, anything you want."
Sutan hung up before Violet had a chance to answer, the girl slowly removing her phone from her ear, the screen laughing at her since the call had barely taken two minutes, and Violet felt slightly sick, the smell of the pizza on the table, the pizza Sutan wanted, making her nauseous. His stupid pizza with chicken, food Violet didn’t want at all, food she didn’t care about or for and that she had only gotten because Sutan asked for it, stupid, egoistic Sutan. Violet picked the pizza up, stomped into the kitchen and threw it directly into the trash, the cardboard fighting her as she forced it into the trashcan, the hot sauce burning her, but the physical pain was nothing against the storm of emotions and the rage instead her. Violet slammed the trash can shut, and went to bed.
***
Bianca burst through the front door, throwing down her briefcase, finding Courtney in the kitchen, still sweaty from a rehearsal, casually making dinner with her family.
“Hey, B!” she said with a chipper expression. “Hope you’re hungry! Mum’s making her famous veggie nut loaf.”
Bianca stood in the kitchen doorway, unsure of how to respond. “Courtney. What did the label ask you to sign today?” she asked quietly.
“Oh, just this form saying that I wouldn’t sue them if nude pictures got into the tabloids. Apparently someone from my college is trying to make a quick buck off a bunch of pictures I sent to an old boyfriend. Mum, is this enough garlic?”
“Yes, love. Can you check the potatoes? I want to start mashing them”
“Sure!” Courtney skipped over to the stove.
“Courtney, how are you being so casual about this?!”
“Well, what good does it do to stress over it, B? I mean, I sent photos like that to more than one person...let’s just say it’s one of my go-to moves. Sorry, mum.”
Annette shrugged. “You’re a big girl.”
“So what if they stop these pictures? They wouldn’t be able to stop all of them. At least there’s a plan. They think it could even boost sales of my album.”
Bianca looked around the kitchen incredulously. Her blood was boiling. Gil casually chopped cucumber for a big salad, and Ben took a pan of roasted veggies from the oven to let it cool on the counter. No one seemed the slightest bit bothered by the situation at hand.
“Does ANYONE see a fucking problem here?! Gil! This is your daughter!”
“It’s just some tits, Bianca. Have a drink.” Gil gestured to the open bottle of wine on the counter. “They aren’t even very big ones, anyway.”
Ben snickered. “Yeah, what are you, Court, an A cup?”
“I’m a B cup, dickhead.”
“Yeah, right, keep telling yourself that.”
“I’m sorry, love,” said Annette. “It’s my fault, you have my build. But they’re nice, even though they’re small.”
“I have triple D’s,” Ben bragged.
“Good on ya, son!” Gil slapped Ben on the back.
Courtney scoffed. “You always have to be the favorite, don’t you?”
Bianca clenched her fists. “Now I know why England expelled you guys. You’re a bunch of goddamn deviants.”
Courtney laughed. “Yeah, we were way too fun and sexy for the British. They threw us right out.”
Bianca sighed. “I need to lie down.”
***
Bianca curled on her side, a pillow covering her face. She felt hands sliding around her waist. “Hi,” she whispered hoarsely.
“Are you really upset about this nude picture thing?” Courtney asked.
“I’m...I’m confused why you’re NOT upset.”
“I don’t see the big deal. I took the pictures. Well. Actually,” Courtney laughed. “Most likely, Morgan or Tati took the pictures. Or--”
“Don’t fucking say Adore.”
“Sorry.”
“Jesus, Courtney.”
“I’m sorry!”
Bianca sighed, staring at the ceiling.
“Madonna has that whole book of nude photos. You still like her, right?”
“Those were taken by Steven Meisel. And it was still considered porn and people fucking raked her over the coals for it.”
Courtney cupped Bianca’s face in her hands. “So...you’re worried about my career?”
“No. I’m just...I’m a petty, possessive asshole who doesn’t want anyone else to get to see you the way I get to see you.” Bianca wrapped Courtney into an embrace. “You’re supposed to be mine. All mine.”
Courtney smiled, kissing her lightly. “Aww, babe…”
Bianca buried her face in Courtney’s neck.
Courtney nuzzled her hair. “Guess you better get over that, huh?”
“I don’t wanna,” Bianca whimpered.
“B, look at me. So there are a few pictures out there. But no one will ever see me the way you do. Because I’m never gonna look at anyone the way I look at you.” Courtney gripped Bianca’s shoulders, touching their foreheads together.
Bianca wrapped her arms tighter around Courtney’s waist. “Promise?”
“I promise. Now, come on, let’s go have some dinner.”
“Vegan nut loaf sounds horrifying, by the way.”
“It’s really good, I swear. There’s mushroom gravy.”
“Oh, well, then sign me up!”
Courtney giggled as Bianca lifted her up from the bed and started to carry her down the hall.
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Kaleidoscope Release Party Fashion Jamboree
Hey V-Listers! So, looks like Li’l Courtney Act had a big ol’ debutante ball for her first album yesterday (which, btw, we are going to fully review in detail once it comes out), and I think we should have a little slideshow to discuss some of the fashion, eh?
Let’s start with the ever-mysterious Ms. Violet Chachki, who is always so elusive on the red carpet. We managed to find a shot where she’s semi-facing the cameras, and check out the stunning ensemble! Violet, why not strut on carpets more often? She looks positively beautiful - Grace Kelly with a modern twist. If this kid continues to allow us to occasionally photograph her, we could be looking at one of the most important style icons of her generation. She’s classic, edgy, vintage and ahead of the trend at the same time, with not a hair out of place. 10/10!
On the other hand, here’s Courtney, who often has tragically questionable taste. (Remember the - gulp - sparkly jelly platforms she wore all summer? #yikes) Tonight though, we will hand it to her, she looks great. From the new haircut, to the red lip, to the simple black dress and thigh-high boots, it almost looks like our baby is all growed up. Awwww…
(BDR, please don’t break up with her just because she doesn’t look 16 tonight, okay? We kind of like her. We can’t wait to listen to some queer pop music, either. Even if it sucks, we know the videos will be hot, so, we’re on board.)
OMG, so…have you guys heard that Broadway star/philanthropist/former alcoholic disaster Jinkx Monsoon is in some kind of delicious little sapphic Trifecta with Adore Delano, the punk princess herself (and the baby sister of BDR, one of Jinkx’s good friends - knowing B, they’ve slept together over the years, so this is just super incestuous) AND Alaska Honard, Galactica’s Lead Makeup Artist and SVP of their makeup line??? (Alaska has been under the radar for the last few years, but you may remember her from her last relationship with Broadway producer and professional pain in the ass, Sharon Needles.)
So these three, god bless them, are like our own little Charlie’s Angels come to life! You’ve got Alaska, the smart, sexy blonde in the center there, in her chic teal wrap dress and black frame glasses.
There’s the stunning redhead, fresh from her Evita performance, in a slitted gown, cinched for the gods, about a zillion dollars worth of diamonds, and you know, just a casual fur shrug. Now, we’re really happy for Jinkx and all her success and clean living etc etc etc. But we do have to admit that we miss the hot mess who used to entertain us by passing out in gutters with her dresses around her waist.
Which brings us to Adore. First of all, Adore, nice eye makeup. Second, maybe you’re like to be introduced to this amazing new device called a HAIR BRUSH? Third, what the actual fuck is happening with your CLOTHES, GURL??? It looks like she robbed a gang of 90s B-girls and then stole ALL their clothes. Like she’s homeless and wearing EVERYTHING she owns. Plus like 4 flannels around her waist. We only approve if this ridiculous ensemble is accompanied by even more ridiculous behavior. So either start your downward spiral, stat, or step up your fashion game, Adore. Because you rolling with some classy bitches now.
Last but certainly not least, here’s Raja Amrull and Miss Fame of Galactica. Both of them look gorgeous as usual. Raja is in a stunning minidress and killer boots - WE NEED THESE IMMEDIATELY.
Fame even seems to be getting into the spirit of the event, with some sexy leather pants that accentuate her feminine assets quite well, and an open-weave sweater that comes dangerously close to showing off some other assets. But even more interesting than their sartorial choices for the evening is the fact that their partners are both suspiciously absent. And both of them are looking a little glassy-eyed and cuddling awwwwwful close, doncha think? I mean not to start rumors but we’re just saying…*
That’s all for now, kiddos! Talk to you soon!!
Kisses, V
*We are saying that they are possibly fucking each other, in case that wasn’t clear. Feel free to discuss…
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