#i rewatched dark era and i'm in pain

[georges-chambers]

1, 3, 9 and 19 for the ships ask game?

Thank you so much, there took so long to answer but I'm hoping so very much that you will enjoy reading through them. I very much enjoyed answering them, and of course enjoyed the simple fact that you wanted to know, <3

1. "What was the first fandom where you developed a ship?'

Unfortunately, a rather complicated question because I wouldn't reveal the first 'fandoms' I was interested in that I considered fandoms unless under threat of death or harm to a loved one, But the first I would say I made anything that could have been considered content for which i actually published in any way would have been skekUng and skekSil from The Dark Crystal because it was a bit of an odd Pandemic era for me when I made my Ao3 account for that.

3. "What ship are you currently obsessed with and why?"

Giving you the 2 I'm currently obsessed with, one from The Terror and one from Moby Dick. For the Terror, I've recently started getting more into Bridglar again, because literally what is there that they don't have? Bridgens is simply one of the most beautiful men I've ever seen, I love the idea that Peglar would just fucking climb him like rigging, there was so, so much tenderness and love There despite everything. Every scene between them feels like a loving knife twisting into me and I love it. They're done in ways in the show that I can see as extremely plausible for the time and place. I also love the ideas of either or both of them being trans or asexual because of how that would be Another way in which their very self and nature is hidden from the world and most of the people they know but they can tenderly reveal that with each other and love yet another part of each other. Bridgens last scene only pains me even more with every rewatch and makes me want to rewatch it even more to experience the pain anew. As for the Moby Dick ship I'm currently obsessed with and why: Captains Peleg and Bildad have only become more of a thing to me, personally, in my mind, upon rereading it. In my heart, those are 2 men who are both from Nantucket but very different kinds of people in it who have actually known each other since the start of their careers in whaling when they were in their teens or twenties at some point in the 1790's or 1800's, and, Bildad being as pious as he is and Peleg being Significantly Less So. Like by the time they're shown in Moby Dick, they're in their 60's and have retired from whaling to become ship owners, and even Then they're both. The ways they are. Bickering with each other the ways they do about A Lot. And Ishmael brings up how both were or seem to have been notoriously aggressive first mates to work under. So for just a moment I'd like to think about how it must've been to have been one of the harpooneers or boatsteerers working under them and having to deal with 2 younger mates Peleg and Bildad who are somehow managing to continue and escalate their arguments throughout the entire whale hunt with 5 different kinds of tension between them the whole time. As inseparable as they seem as ship owners, I can imagine their early days on the Pequod were the same, but the implications or direct statements that they were on board with Ahab, having been friends of his, also kind of haunts me. At one time, would he have been the one who'd break up their endless bickering? When the Pequod left them for the final time and Bildad had to be cut off by Peleg from a very long goodbye, was he also saying that tearfully to the man they once knew to be their good friend for decades? I just find them infesting my brain like those wood-eating ship worms. Honestly kind of hate it.

9. "What drew you to your favorite ship?"

This is a very hard one because I fins it very hard to pick a favorite ship at all but I'll go with one I can't imagine Not shipping: Jopzier. And as for what draws me to them, what couldn't? Jopson would kill and die for Crozier and always would have I am sure of this, and in return, Crozier would care for Jopson the way so many people have not, in ways he's needed yet never had, and given to him ceaselessly. He did, actually. And one could argue Jopson almost very much did kill for Crozier. I love the way they love so much and I think the things Jopson should have been able to do with that old man would violate all Tumblr guidelines in description alone.

19. "What ship or ships do you absolutely cannot stand?"

This is also hard because I feel like I both always support people enjoying whatever ships they may and I actually find it hard to not see Some good things about most pairings. That being said, though, I will only say that there is a particular ship in Doctor Who, particularly in post-2005 Doctor Who, that is Very popular, and well. Fairly canon founded. And I understand why people ship it. I do understand. But without saying which characters are involved, I feel like the show, when developing this companion's relationship with the Doctor, eventually started slowly whittling her whole character itself down to her relationship with the Doctor. This definitely isn't relegated to her in particular but it does make that ship specifically almost impossible for me to enjoy and I definitely can't understand why its so incredibly popular, but its so popular I'd feel like a very mean hater to actually say which companion it is.

[bromcommie]

Hiiii, I’m here with some ask game things!

🦴🌸 pretty please!

Hiii, tysm for the ask! <3 🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?  Oh god, this is such a fun and insanely difficult question. I truly apologize in advance for how long this is about to get because I'm blanking and also can't pick a single thing to save my life. I feel like I'm still in the beginning of trying to figure style out so inspirations keep changing, but right off the bat Richard Siken was a big one that's recently made a comeback. Pretty revelatory to little me at 15 and still very much an influence many, many years later, especially when it comes to poetry. There's just something to how he weaves his wording from tender to violent + that dream-like, stream of consciousness structure, striking visuals about relatively mundane things and a consistent thread of hope and wonder despite the darkness throughout that I find just lovely. Kurt Vonnegut is also a big nostalgic classic from those formative years. Still very much love the tongue-in-cheek humor and the roundabout storytelling of an eccentric old uncle used to address very real and often grim topics in a very human, grounded way. Just about anything that deals with non-linear time, dreams and memory, too. Everything by Tarkovsky, even though I feel like an absolute asshole bringing his genius up while talking about my writing hobby, let alone my silly little fics, but listen, I was a film major. What can you do. Forever enamored with that man's work.

(Dialing it back a little: I'm also rewatching Russian Doll which does memories and trauma reconciliation and the surreal really well while also juggling humor. It's still somewhat painful, but at least it's also very fresh and funny and very full of life. Would love to be able to write a script with that combo one day.)

In terms of some of the general stuff that extends to fanfic-inspiring as well, I'll always have a soft spot for Michael Chabon's The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay for many, many reasons. It's beautiful, it's sharp, it's creative! It's a (very) sprawling love letter to the Golden Age of comics and the very ongoingly relevant origins of Captain America! To New York in the 30s-50s! To youth and ideas and intersecting identities and illusions of escape and found family! To coming of age and hope and grief in the face of a rapidly complicating world! To meticulous, meticulous historical research! Michael Chabon, I'm in your goddamn walls. Throw in some basic staples of the WWII mini-series genre, + Babylon Berlin and Chernobyl and a bunch of MKUltra paranoia thrillers for fun times with WS-centered darker undertones and political elements re: the '30s and Cold War era, and there you have it. So that is... way too many things off the top of my head and none of them are necessarily all that reflected in my writing yet, however! They do inspire me. 🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

yes I do! They’re dumbasses in two completely different ways (can you tell?) and the absolute bane of my existence. And I would die for them, I really would.

wish I had some better photos but I cleared out my phone recently :(

[smokedanced]

I rewatched the first three episodes (while I wait to watch the new ones with @lovepurposed when we manage to find a time because timezones) and while I don't have the spoons to write full on posts (I feel kinda bad about... I don't know, I just don't have the spoons to fully be a fandom member these days, due to being disabled; like, I have profound love for this show and these muses and I have so many thoughts but arranging them into proper verbalised form is just hard, and I put my writing spoons into replies over headcanon posts usually when feeling like this, but it does feel like I'm missing out on a lot by not being the most active when episodes are on air and all, like I'm missing on the hype), I figured why not do some bullet points anyway, about some stuff that relates to my muses:

I'm not going to shy away from Ed's violence when writing his kraken era. Not that I was before, but canon went to a really dark direction with it, and I'm fine with portraying that. Includes both his abuse towards his crew, and his suicidal ideation. I'm sure he will come out of it (probably with Stede's help in canon? but can be anything in roleplay prose, like obviously I'm unopposed to having it be thanks to Izzy or whoever, depending on whatever we play with), but between seasons & first three episodes of second season era Ed is violent, abusive, self-destructive, erratic and extra unstable. And I love him.

Ed tells coma-hallucination!Hornigold he's never told about killing his abusive dad to anyone except Stede. At first I figured Izzy would also know about it (especially since I headcanon the two have been together for a lot longer than Blackbeard era; Izzy having been on Hornigold's crew and such, before), but actually, no, he's never told Izzy; Izzy doesn't know. I do believe Izzy and Ed know each other better than anyone else, including Stede, but that piece of information - Izzy doesn't know it. Ed's never told him. That's not the kind of vulnerability either of them have ever had with each other. (I ship Izzy/Ed and Stede/Ed and Izzy/Stede, but Izzy/Ed/Stede throuple is superior to all of the above, and I think the three complete each other with all individuals bringing something valuable to the mix and all three having potential for becoming more wholesome with each other than with just one of them/alone.)

Lucius is traumatised as fuck, as obviously narrated in canon. I don't??? Have many thoughts on him, as of now.

"I have... love for you" Izzy admitting this and the way he says it... Jesus fucking Izzy, his self-hatred is as strong as Ed's, but manifesting in different ways. He's so fucking ashamed of loving Ed, not because he thinks there's anything wrong with it, but because he believes he's inherently disgusting and that being the subject of his love would be therefore awful for Ed. It has nothing to do with internalised homophobia and everything to do with Izzy seeing himself as inherently repulsive. "I have love for you", not "I love you". It's painful for him to admit because it's full of shame. He never, ever expects his affection, love, whatever, towards anybody to be reciprocated.

And he actively keeps falling back to trying to make people hate him, even as he's obviously redeemed himself with the crew between seasons. Claiming he slashed up the painting when Stede asks has nothing to do with covering for Ed or protecting Stede's feelings and everything to do with Izzy wanting to be hated because being hated is safer and more familiar than wanting to be loved and liked but being rejected. Sorry, mate, I see through your bullshit. <3

Uhhh. I feel like I had more thoughts about the three, but I can't remember. Most of my other thoughts are about characters I don't write so while there are so many things I fucking adore, I don't have, like I said, the spoons to really talk about them. Jim is hot as fuck. That's what you're getting from me rn lol.

[all-seeing-ifer]

top five angel episodes 🔫🤭

oh you think you're being funny? you think you're being funny miles? well jokes on you angel is a good show sometimes and I can prove it! (sidenote I'm only a couple episodes into season 5 in my rewatch so that's why there's no season 5 episodes here)

Birthday - hehe it's that one episode that you watched and really liked, and you were RIGHT. obviously cordy is my favourite part of the show (pour one out season 5 is so sad for me) so I'm biased towards episodes that focus on her, but I also think this one is just genuinely really excellent. an amazing conclusion to the cordy's killer visions plotline that just does it in such a fun and engaging way with the whole "cordy gets to live out her dream life" plot point. also while it's not the most important part of the episode the baby connor era is (mostly) one of the favourite parts of the show and I enjoy that this episode has plenty of that

Are you now or have you ever been - haunted houses (hotels)... flashbacks bleeding into the present.... a mccarthy-era cold war setting... themes of paranoia and the potential for human cruelty.... gunn becoming a part of the angel investigations team... "this is a place of evil" "not anymore"... they actually made this one for me specifically they sat down in the year 2000 and said we need to write this episode specifically so a weird little guy called isabel who won't be born for a couple months will lose their fucking mind over it

The Pylea arc - cheating by combining like 3 episodes into one but I think the Pylea episodes specifically are connected enough for it to be understandable. not the most thematically deep or character focused of the show's episodes but it's just such good campy fun, man!!! getting to see the angel investigations team take part in this delightfully ridiculous high fantasy pastiche is so... it's just so fun!! and charming!!! and cordy gets declared princess of a hell dimension!! and lorne spends like a third of the arc as a literal talking head!! and we meet fred!!!! I love fred wish she didn't end up just getting reduced to love triangle fodder!!! it's just a really great time overall and honestly a much needed breather after how dark and angsty the rest of season 2 got

To Shanshu in LA - the episode that caused me to become Very Autistic about this show. angel investigations are a FAMILY and I LOVE THEM!!!! cordy buys angel art supplies bc she wants him to get a hobby bc she CARES ABOUT HIM. AND SHE TELLS HIM NOT TO FEEL EMBARRASSED ABOUT DRINKING BLOOD IN FRONT OF HIS FAMILY!!! it's fine i'm normal about it. also (surprising I'm sure from the guy behind the 9k pinocchio themed cordy and angel tax benefits marriage fic) I find the whole concept of the shanshu prophecy and angel's desire to become human again incredibly compelling, so this one really got the cogs in my brain turning

Orpheus - the fact that angel and faith friendship means enough to me that I'm willing to include a season 4 episode here really says it all. yes you do have to ignore everything with cordy and connor in this episode in order to enjoy it and I'm aware that that's a bit of a tall order, BUT faith and angel's little trip through the mindscape together is so good that for once I'm willing to let it slide! (though actually it does pain me to say this but the joke where fred asks the others if they think cordy and connor's relationship is a bit messed up and then it cuts to cordy (or fake cordy, rather) telling connor he needs to kill his dad did get a laugh out of me. i didn't want it to, but shoutout to mere smith for writing the one moment in this entire storyline that I kind of liked) BACK TO THE GOOD STUFF obviously faith's interactions with angel/angelus are excellent (like it's crazy how well the angelus stuff in season 4 suddenly starts working as soon as he's played off against faith SORRY I'M VEERING CLOSE TO JUST COMPLAINING ABOUT SEASON 4 AGAIN I PROMISE I REALLY DO LIKE ORPHEUS), faith making the choice to keep living and keep fighting to be better instead of accepting her death, the "I'm dying" "It's a lot easier than redemption, huh?" "I did my time" "Our time is never up, Faith" dialogue (GIRLS WHEN SHOW THESIS STATEMENTS) AUGHGGH. THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. also willow's cameo is very fun and I enjoy watching her flirt with fred :)

[apotelexma]

Where there had once been a plummeting to the dark depths below, suddenly there was solid ground — solid ground that wasn't natural, or, perhaps to speak more precisely, it was the most natural thing in the world and that was precisely what made it not quite actual ground, because it was, in fact, a hand, a massive hand, that caught Dipper in his fall. A hulking body hunched overhead, protecting him from the rain, and I'm the distance, despite the current lack of movement from this giant, there was a sound of thunder.

"Are you... being all-right?"

(I hope it is ok for me to put Ingvar from the modern era gf/spn verse in the inbox for Dipper!!)

it had been a impulsive, stupid idea, something brought on by watching far too many tiktoks on one subject and his brain convincing him that he would be good at it. this lead him to climb a very, very tall canopy tree, multiple bundles of rope in hand, and him starting to create a web bridge-- his movements slow and unsure at first, but slowly started to be more confident with what he was doing; only stopping occasionally to rewatch a tiktok on his phone to make sure he was doing it right.

once he was done, he laid down on his web-- closing his eyes and relaxing, feeling the slight sway of the web as a gust of wind blew past him; cooling the sweat on his exposed skin. he was tired, but in a good way-- though his arm muscles in particular were throbbing, and he groaned softly at the pain.

his eyes remained closed, laying starfished on the ropes under the warm summer sun. dipper was barely able to register that he was getting sleepy before he dozed off-- his dreams fuzzy and unclear.

he's jerked awake by a sudden downpour, gasping in pain when he tried to move-- all of his muscles stiff as a board from their sudden overuse. he rolled onto his side to at least stop the rain from blinding and drowning him, coughing slightly. he knew he had to get down, and he forced his arms and legs to work with him-- crawling across the web to the rope ladder. he had to hype himself up, watching the ladder flick around fairly violently in the heavy winds.

dipper let out a soft curse under his breath and shimmied down through the netting and getting his feet on the ladder. he started to slowly descend, gritting his teeth against the pain in his arms and legs-- wincing heavily. then, as there's another crash of thunder, and a sudden violent gust hits him like a brick wall-- and suddenly his fingertips are burning as the role is ripped away from them, and he's tipping backwards.

this was such a stupid idea.

that's his first thought as he realizes that he's falling, feeling gravity gripping his body heavily. he feels like he's moving in slow motion at first, watching his hand reach desperately for the ladder but missing it by inches. then, everything is fast again. the fall is gut wrenching, and a scream of terror rips itself from his throat-- his voice cracking violently.

then, just as quickly, his back hit an oddly firm but soft surface and the rain wasn't blinding him anymore. dipper's eyes were wide with fright, chest heaving with heavy, gasping breaths as he stared up at what he initially thought was the underside of the trees dark canopies. it took the giant speaking for dipper's brain to slap two and two together.

"a-a giant?" he wheezed out, then abruptly shook his head-- flopping onto his back and putting a hand to his chest. "i...- oh, y-yes!" he called out over the storm, "i'm okay, thank you for catching me!" his mind was reeling, but something he knew for sure in that moment is that dipper was probably only alive because this person caught him-- and he was extremely grateful.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

"I can appreciate the charm of how violet fits into the overall story, but especially after rewatching recently, I agree that in murder house her character was what I would describe as a low-effort stereotype of an angsty, dark teenage girl. I think Taissa did about as much as she could do with the character but in parts it definitely felt awkward lol I know people can say the same about tate as a character, but I still love that season and the characters."

I'm going to jump into this conversation, because murder house is simply my favorite season, I watched it for the first time a long time ago and rewatching it recently continues to be my favorite (nostalgia helps), but like, for me, Violet is not an exaggerated character at all, for those who experienced adolescence in the 2010s, there were a lot of girls like her, both on the internet and in real life, I was very similar to her too 😆 everything for me was eternally boring, I thought I was different because of the way I dressed and because of my musical tastes and I only liked problematic guys, so I think she's a very real character, if she's a pain in the ass, well...... 😆

i mean, i can’t disagree that there were tons of violets in real life 😂 because you’re right, as someone who grew up in that era, her character wasn’t a stretch. regardless of what i think about how stereotypical or awkward certain moments may have been, murder house holds the same nostalgia for me and is my favorite.

[oneseason]

Combing through seasons 1 through 3

I went through episode summaries on Wikipedia and Real Jims videos on YouTube.

Season 1

Season 1 has a lot of charm, but I think it's ultimately too incongruent with the rest of the show.

Homer's Odyssey is an interesting option, as it gets very dark with the suicidal ideation, and provides back story for how Homer got his improbable job, but that's not something that I think needs explanation. Other episodes are indisputably classic, but I don't think they're essential to what the show would become.

Season 2

Season two has some strong considerations.

The season premiere, Bart Gets an F, is a great example of Bart struggling. I think the character is at his best when he tilts more towards being a kid who is struggling, who gets bullied, who can't stay out of trouble, and is trying to understand how to navigate the world. Some of the darkest years of the Simpsons lean on into Bart being "cool" and it's really painful to me. Bart Gets an F is absolutely a vibe that I want to include, but I think it's much better captured by episodes like New Kid on the Block or Bart Sells His Soul. Even Bart vs. Thanksgiving a couple episodes later might be a stronger option.

The Way We Was is one of, if not the first, flashback episode. I want to include one, even though they're generally not the strongest, but I'm leaning towards And Maggie Makes Three, although I might need to rewatch to get a good sense how how good these episodes actually are, both overall and compared to each other.

There is a LOT of Mr Burns in Season 2, and I love that. I want Mr Burns to be a big part of my arc, but I'm not sure how much space I can really dedicate to him. I'm tentatively set on Last Exit to Springfield, Flying Hellfish, and Who Shot Mr Burns as a kind of Burns Trilogy. I think he's at his best as an intermittent character, and I don't think any of his Season 2 episodes touch those, and that's not even counting Rosebud, which will be really hard to pass up.

A brief aside on the Mr Burns arc

I think I really like the idea of Mr Burns getting his first starting role in Last Exit to Springfield. He just exists as the boss, and Homer only interacts with him because he falls into his union position.

Flying Hellfish then makes his connection to the Simpsons personal, and Who Shot Mr Burns turns the town against him.

Very roughly it's

Mr Burns vs his workers

Mr Burns vs Abe / The Simpsons

Mr Burns vs the Town

I like the idea of presenting him more as an overarching villain, and less personal to the Simpsons.

An aside within the aside, I'm very skeptical that I'll use any Sideshow Bob episodes. Cape Feare is the creme de la creme, but I feel his episodes are too sequential, and too many of the entries are weak to bother with it. I expect some people would find this an inexcusable, glaring omission, but he pales in comparison to Mr Burns as THE antagonist.

Back to Season 2

Lisa's Substitute. This is the first episode in the show that feels like a must include. I'm not 100% it will fit in, but it would be tough to pass up. It's an incredibly strong episode, makes a strong statement on who Lisa is and how she fits into her family and Springfield, and has a fun b-plot that helps build up the world of Springfield Elementary. I'm not sure there's a better episode to establish Lisa early on (early in my season that is), and I love the symmetry of having this heartbreaking episodes early, and wrapping up Lisa's arc with Summer of 4 ft. 2 as my quasi-series finale. Plus, Sam Etic guest stars.

Season 3

The final phase of "early" Simpsons, where we're on the cusp of greatness. We're so close, but we're not quite in the definitive era.

Homer Defined isn't my favourite episode (I think it was heavily in Global's syndication package for a while), but does a strong job of establishing the Nuclear Plant, and having a sad sack Bart B-plot. This is very weak contention for my series premiere.

Flaming Moe's, Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk [sic], Radio Bart, and Homer at Bat are all classic, solid memorable episodes that don't quite feel essential. I could see any of them filling a slot, but I'm not sure any of them are needed.

Colonel Homer is the first Marge/Homer marriage troubles episode that I've seriously considered. I definitely want at least one (I think Secrets of a Successful Marriage is my frontrunner right now) and the songs are 10/10, but I don't think Marge is nearly fleshed out enough in this episode to deliver on that theme.

Season 1 to 3 Wrap-Up

I've got one very strong candidate in Lisa's Substitute, a couple considerations for role players, and a handful of episodes on hand for filler. Season 4 is where this is gonna get tough.

[fearthhereaper]

Finally finished my The Originals rewatch and I have a few thoughts that I didn't have the first time I watched it, back when it was airing.

Klaus's character assassination in TO has been a well-known fact for years now so nothing new in that area. Klaus was my favorite character during my TVDU fangirl era even in spite of it all. He was by far the most interesting character to me, but I have to say that during the rewatch I found myself enjoying Elijah and his complexity to the point where Klaus and his constant over the top theatrics bored me at certain points. The baby plot was stupid, but then again I always thought that, and the only good thing it gave me was Hayley Marshall and Klayley.

Klayley was...as beautiful, as interesting, as iconic as ever. Truly one of my biggest ships of all time, by far the best dynamic in the show imo....but I have to say, as an ex-Haylijah hater, they ate sometimes. Chemistry wise - they're really good. The story is still weird to me but the chemistry really sold most of their scenes this time around. I don't necessarily ship them, because I still think Elijah's feelings exist due to wrong reasons but I can see Hayley's side of it very clearly and I don't dislike it nearly as much as I had the first time around. They really pulled me in during certain scenes, so that was interesting and new.

Marbekah was always a fine ship that didn't really do it for me but now....damn do I hate it. It's so painful to watch and I genuinely don't believe those two love each other enough to pull all the shit they did. I don't believe that she groomed him, at least not intentionally, so it's not even the usual issue of her watching him grow up that's putting me off, it's just the fact that they truly didn't need to do all that because the Epic Love™ feeling they were going for was just not present.

Camille's storyline in s1 was legit so good, it didn't feel like she existed purely as Klaus's love interest. Her storyline in that season was so interesting and one of my favorites from the whole show. S2!Cami, she existed a bit more for Klaus, and I don't even want to mention s3!Cami that was turned into a vampire for no reason only to be killed off for no reason, in both cases when she was finally getting a new (probably very interesting) storyline. I didn't like the whole "I have darkness in me thing" but her storyline in s1 left such a good impression on me that I felt genuinely robbed by her premature death. (but then again the whole show sucked after s3 so maybe her character dodged a bullet)

Freya could've been a Klaus 2.0, instead we got a family therapist older sister whose job was to cast spells and make speeches about her family. S2!dark!Freya is who Freya should've been and stayed and there should've been far more tension between her and Klaus. She adapted way to quickly to having so many siblings, she was somehow the wiser older sister despite living ten years to her siblings' thousand. A shame that the creators for some reason hated dark characters, they made all Mikaelsons far too soft. She can be morally dubious and still love her family bffr.

I felt much more sympathy for Finn and his situation. His very understandable hatred for all Mikaelsons except Freya and his mother. He had every right to try to off them all, sorry.

And to finish it off with Rebekah Mikaelson who suffered the same character assassination that her brother did because who the fuck is TO! Rebekah. As far as I'm concerned TVDs3!Rebekah is the only Rebekah that is in character. From the random maturity she gained in all of three months between TVD and TO, to the painful motherhood woes, i-wish-i-was-human woes, her character became a completely different and frankly...a very boring person. Suddenly she's the one keeping Klaus and Elijah out of trouble.... Rebekah???? REBEKAH??? is keeping Elijah out of trouble....went from living a thousand years as their spoiled baby sister to I'm suddenly the mommy keeping the order of the playhouse.

[kafkaoftherubbles]

俺倒是有个假设后来被剧情毙了...想来它其实也蛮暗黑系下的，哈哈！

There was a hypothesis I had during the very beginning of the Wish Era, especially since for weeks the manga refused to show us where Fushi was (until that first fight to rescue Eko and Uncle Kai). Honestly, it shouldn't even be called a hypothesis because it was just a weird what-if at most! By a brain that hallucinates and daydreams a lot!

Plus, it was actually kinda dark and not even the right tone for this manga... except maybe the Previous Era where "Fushi Suffering" looked to be that eternal theme, hahaha!

I wondered if Fushi themself had been captured by Kaibara, and the immortal warriors were carrying out some sort of guerilla warfare or terrorism to take them back. That's why they were at the top of Kaibara's Most Wanted!

But there was more. Fushi could realistically escape easily—they possess a power comparable to teleportation, after all. But in this weird what-if that I had, Kaibara and the Nokkers had found ways to prevent them from escaping. They kept them in a tube or something, a large one.

And then... well, they used Fushi as a creation machine. Ya know, like a hybrid of the cornucopia and the philosopher stone, but suspended in a tube. Everything in this utopia was extracted from them because the Earth out there was a trash dump wasteland. While Fushi started out thinking it was a useful means to utilize their power to help humanity and the world he was taking care of, the demands became so burdening that it started becoming torment, but they could not be let out, and so it's up to the immortal warriors to rescue them... or something.

It's so completely divorced from where the story went, innit?! Haha. That's how cracked I can actually be!

It was inspired by a (very, very long) vivid dream I had when I was a child. Briefly put, I was a manipulative scientist-daughter who tricked an ancient forest monster/being (who was repentant from consuming countless human lives before, which allowed it to absorb their emotions and some memories, and gain humanity. And now it wanted to atone. Like I said, it was a long ass fucking dream) into being captured by my vainglorious father. It was then used for both painful, invasive experiments and as a creation machine. It was easy to connect this dream with To Your Eternity simply because the forest monster took the form of a white-haired boy when interacting with scientist-daughter-me.

I was recently reminded of both the dream and this debunked what-if by Trigun Stampede, which I finished last week... and am rewatching this week, because YO THAT ANIMATION GODDAMN. In that story, there are these living-but-man-made organisms called Plants, which produce all sorts of stuff, for the human communities to survive ina barren wasteland. Both Vash and the antagonist, however, are Independents—Plants who can live outside a tube and are virtually humanlike despite being able to produce things, too.

Since I made a post gathering all of my crackest crack-ass hypotheses, I decided to put this down as an addendum/record too. It's totally not because I'm bored or anything!

Thank you for reading my ramble, in which I did not expect to ramble, but I gave up fighting my nature.

[eijunes]

bungou stray dogs: dark era

— “People live to save themselves. You will understand that at the moment of your own death.”

[pxrplerose]

Just some thoughts about Dazai and Oda

This is just a rambling of my thoughts on Dazai and Oda's friendship that I've been having since rewatching bsd, reading the untold origins of the detective agency and the day i picked up dazai light novel (so, spoilers about Oda's appearance in the first and one biiig spoiler for the second that I did this to) (Also, thanks a lot Popopretty for the translation). I'm also halfway through the dark era light novel but I just can't bring myself to finish because the pain. And disclaimer, I do not ship them at all. This is just my perception of their friendship.

Oda saw his younger self in Dazai

Oda's first chronological appearance is when he was just a teenager, around Ranpo's age. There isn't much information about him, just that he happens to be a very skilled assassin. What made him become a criminal so early in his life? Who knows. But something clear about 14 year old Oda, is that he already had a dark vision of life, which is only natural considering the life he was currently having. He seemed to have already given up on finding any sort of positive meaning, his words to Fukuzawa are too contrasting from the Oda we see later on the story as Dazai's friend, almost as if he was a different person:

"I don't need forgiveness. There is no forgiveness in this world. There is only retaliation━revenge against those who betray you".

And the description of him by Fukuzawa:

"The boy's dark brown eyes were frighteningly vacant, void of even a fragment of emotion[...] Fukuzawa suddenly recalled a rumour he had heard about a young redheaded hit man who wielded two pistols and coldly killed his targets while never showing any emotion".

"The boy looked back at Fukuzawa with lifeless eyes━not the way one would expect a boy to look at the person choking them unconscious".

"His empty, emotionless eyes were a reddish brown [...] Even Fukuzawa, who had faced numerous villains and assassins, had never seen eyes like his. Most skilled hit men looked down on others as if they were insects. Their eyes were cold and lacked compassion. But this boy's were different. They weren't cold or any temperature. They were just empty. Not only was there no compassion or kidness, there was no hate or passion to kill. His eyes were those of a person who had given up all hope and despair━the eyes of a person who had removed himself from emotional things".

I found these parts so heartbreaking, since these descriptions came with no other information. What happened to Oda for him to become an assassin? Did he have a family? In the same novel, Ranpo, who's the focus, is mentioned to be wandering by himself and barely surviving because his parents passed away, but he did live a good life with them before they died. With Oda and Dazai, we know nothing about their childhoods, just that they ended up in the dark side somehow (How did Dazai get in Mori's hands after his suicide attempt? Why has he in that environment? Who knows! Until Asagiri gives us that Dazai background story light novel lol). Dazai, just like Oda, was also seen as a teenager who already looked empty, but, his emptiness, because of the job he executed in quite a terrifying way was often linked to his own dark intentions, to some inner evilness. Oda, on the other hand, saw him like "a child who was about to burst into tears". From their first meeting, Oda figured Dazai was most likely involved in sketchy things which meant he was dangerous, and still decided to help him.

Now, the main difference between Dazai and Oda lies in the fact that Dazai seemed to enjoy the violence he inflicted, for example, during Fifteen where he quite literally keeps shooting even after the person is already dead until Chuuya stops him (antisocial tendencies, methinks, but that's a topic for another day). He was often described as ruthless and to be feared, just a wicked person in general even at such a young age. Even now at the detective agency, Dazai doesn't mind using people among other things (I won't get too deep into this since it's not the point, and no, I don't think he's the exact same person he was in the Port Mafia, but some small essence of course would have to remain hidden somewhere. Not ruthless, but not exactly the kindest person you know, you get me).

I believe Oda found this out along the way. At first, seeing such a young boy with the same emptiness he once showed in his own eyes when young, it resonated in him.

"I look at the young man. He is just staring at the ceiling. No emotions, no intents. Just a flat expression, like one who is just telling his age. I cannot believe my own eyes. I don’t even feel like there is a human there".

But after spending more time with him, he most likely realized that sort of emptiness was just too different from his: Oda found a purpose, comitted to it until his last day, and helped people because of it. Dazai would never be able to find his own reason to live, that he craved the most. He didn't find it in the mafia like he intended, and Oda warned him that he would probably not be able to find it anywhere else either. But still, he asked him to try it out and be in the good side, to do something similar to what he did in hopes he would at least find it a bit more beautiful.

So, you can say Oda saw his hopelessness in someone else, who was also just a teenager like he had been, even though they were very different from each other. Oda had some kidness hidden inside of him, had a sense of justice and felt the need to deal with the consequences of his past mistakes from a young age (Ex. Fukuzawa offering to get him out of jail in exchange for information and him refusing to leave. He didn't seem to spend much time in jail, though). Possessing these qualities helped him find his purpose, pushed by Natsume. Dazai, as genius as he is, also has a past of murder━not for his survival but for some sort of thrill, and played a big part in the infamous cycle of abuse in this story. Even though his current self is in the good side and he's helped Yokohama with his intellect, he remains a morally gray character, the most balanced between good and bad. It's up to him to see if he will ever truly redeem himself, and we have yet to look at the world through his own point of view, to see what sort of qualities he has inside.

The depth of their friendship, and my own questions about Dazai's grief

"That was when Dazai first realized: Sakunosuke Oda understood him much more than he'd ever imagined━right up to his very heart, almost to the center of his mind. Dazai didn''t realize until then that someone had known him so well".

One of Oda's more representative traits is that he was a listener. He took the time to listen to Dazai go on about his nonsense, his suicidal tendencies, about pretty much anything Dazai was willing to share. He had the time to get to know him, to look through him, and even empathize, something the people around Dazai had never done. He was seen like he was either ill, crazy, evil. But, with Oda, just a few days into knowing each other, they were already exchanging crazy stories about their lives and creating a bond. In the past, Oda had told Fukuzawa he had spent years alone and didn't really feel the need to have friends, and Dazai probably felt too foreign to ever form friendships, before Oda and Ango (now, we know how things ended with Ango and that's also for another day).

Dazai was the realest, rawest, during Dark Era. His portrayal, the moments spent with Oda, almost made you forget he was a vile criminal and trauma-inducing mentor. He had fun, trusted his friend, made sure to share the information he had found to him and didn't hesitate to make his own subordinates protect him. Even if he didn't understand his motives to not kill people, he did all he could to help, like a friend naturally does.

I wonder how Dazai's grieving process was like. He probably felt guilt, for being the reason Oda joined the Port Mafia in the first place, and for feeling like he could've done more to avoid his death. This is very common when someone close to you dies, you blame yourself somehow, like you didn't do enough. For someone as smart and brilliant as Dazai, he didn't have a clue Mori was behind the entire charade, like he trusted Oda's ability to survive, until he came to the realization that his death was something meant to happen since the very beginning. It's like he never thought there was a possibility his friends could get taken away: Ango, in his own ways, was just good at what he did (the proof is in how he's still standing LOL) and probably too boring for him to consider he was a triple agent, yet he ended up being "a traitor" (in Dazai's eyes). Oda was too good at surviving because, regretful or not, he had an assassin past to back him up, an ability literally related to the future that was like winning the lottery, and the will to live, so, he was untouchable in his eyes. The perfect part of his life, the most normal part of it, was abruptly taken away. Even if he uncovered Ango's "betrayal" very soon into the story, even after finding out who Mimic were, even when [x12768], he didn't put two and two together, the way ADA Dazai does and we constantly see. That really must have shaken him back then.

Again, Dazai has shown the most genuine and raw emotions in the entire story in the moments of desperation regarding Oda. Trying to stop him, and in his last moments, when Oda is opening up. It's far from the confident, neutral, Dazai we saw in the first season and continued seeng during the anime. He acts detached again, but in a different way. He's not seen as evil and ruthless anymore, but it's like he has a mask on. He has everything under control, he smiles because he knows it, he predicts and is one step before everyone else. Something he couldn't do to save his friend.

Dazai only knew Oda for two years, so one might ask, what is it that made him so attached? Why did he throw his whole life away? Is that time even enough for such a bond to form? That's something I wonder if Dazai ever wonders himself. By the time he joined the detective agency, he had spent the same amount of time without Oda as the time spent with him. That messes with your head. The days seem close yet far away, I don't even know if there's a name to that one realization. And years keep passing, they double the amount of time you spent with the person you lost. Then that time becomes a miniscule part of your life, almost as if it didn't happen. The memories get blurry. That's the scariest part of losing someone. But I'm a firm believer time isn't the only factor that makes a friendship meaningful, it's about the positive influence, the good moments, the amount of trust, the depth, the uncovering of one self, and when your friend passes away, the feelings you still have for them no matter how much time passes. Oda has been the person who has gotten closer to that depth of Dazai, and those two years were enough for him to leave the biggest impact in such a complex person. Does Dazai still act based on Oda's final wish? I don't think so, personally (that's also for another dayyy I have so much to say about bsd helpp).

He can remind himself about that turning moment at times, reminisce about the old days like he's been shown to, eventually create new strong bonds when he decides to open up more, like he once did, and the impact is still going to be there, no matter what. Atsushi is probably whom Dazai is the closest currently, not just because he's the orphan he's helping, but because he has a kind nature and talent. And Dazai has the opportunity to be the figure Oda once was for him, in his own way.

In conclusion, this genuinely was just some random rant about my perception of Oda and Dazai's friendship (and some small Atsushi mention at the end LOL). I still feel so broken Oda had to die, don't mind me and my nonsense.

[rapha-reads]

Doctor Who rewatch

Series 4 episodes 08 and 09

Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead

A FULL PLANET OF LIBRARY - now that would be a dream. Especially if I could just teleport people out when they annoy me.

Remarque : the Doctor says "spoilers" first. Just, little funny things you notice when you're rewatching for the 20th time.

"If you want to live, count the shadows." - line that should be as often quoted as "don't blink".

RIVEEEEEEEER - hello Space Hair! I love River so much. Note to River haters, Moffat haters and RTD fangirls : River, arguably one of the most intriguing and exciting characters of New who, was introduced by Moffat, during the RTD era. Do what you want with that.

"I lied, I'm always lying." - rule number one : the Doctor always lies. Seems like River picks up the Doctor's rules as her own.

"Bet your life?" "Always" - LISTEN. In this episode? That line? UNCALLED FOR. That's really mean.

"Almost every species in the universe has an irrational fear of the dark. But they're wrong. It's not irrational. It's Vashta Nerada." - lines that really explain why the whole show is known for having audience dive behind their couch. That is properly creepy, Doctor.

CRASH OF THE BYZANTIUM. River references the Byzantium as early as s4!!! I had forgotten that! Moffat really had everything lined up from the start. Man, I love his writing.

The pain on River's face when the Doctor says he doesn't know who she is... I need a tissue.

River not knowing Donna... Hurts. Donna deserves better. Donna needs to come back. Come on, Flux + new RTD era? We can totally bring her back, rewrite her ending!

Squareness gun - Jack has one in s12 - those little easter eggs you would hardly notice if you were a normal person. Luckily I am not a normal person.

-----

"And then you remembered" - Doctor Moon is really creepy. That whole dream world, with time just jumping around, gives me the heebie jeebies.

Ooow, Lee. Sad. Donna makes me sad.

"Gorgeous and can't speak a word." - and later on when she says "what does that say about me" and then you just want to cry because Donna just wanted to be loved. She wanted someone to love her completely and unconditionally and she thought she didn't deserve it, she thought she was unlovable. And yet she was absolutely fantastic, just brilliant.

River's pain turning to anger : "He hasn't met me yet". River's arc is so sad.

Ooh, oof, hints of Rose's theme when she tells him his name. Paiiiiin. By the way, the music in series 4 is so totally different from the music in series 7 (the latest episodes I've seen before were series 7, hence the comparison), and yet it's still Murray Gold. In these two episodes, the score is basically omnipresent. It goes along with each scene, the rhythm changes with, well, the shadows and the scares, it underlines each lines. In series 7, the music is softer. Less big scores, more actual themes, as in leitmotiv. You know sometimes I wish I had studied music from a young age so I could be able to actually study movies and tv shows soundtracks more accurately.

"We did not come here. We come from here. We hatched here. These are our forests." - alright, when you start to consider it from the Vashta Nerada's perspective, they're actually victims too. Their trees were cut down and mashed and turned into paper with them still eggs, still unhatched spores, they didn't even have a chance to live before they were brought to the library, and then they were stuck with no food for a century. I mean. I'm not taking their side. But hey, maybe let's not cut down forests indiscriminately and destroy whole ecosystems, maybe? Oh, look, an environmental perspective in a Doctor Who episode. How novel.

"You know when you see a photographer of someone you know, but it's from years before you knew them? It's like they're not quite finished; they're not done yet. Well, yes, the Doctor's here. He came when I called just like he always does, but not my Doctor. Now my Doctor... I've seen whole armies turn and run away, and he'd just swagger off back to his Tardis and open the doors with a snap of his fingers. The Doctor in the Tardis, next stop everywhere." - in terms of epic, badass quotes, that's a winner there. But it's also a very good portrayal of the Doctor's character arc. The Doctor is constantly growing and evolving and changing what being the Doctor means. The Doctor for one person is not the Doctor for another. Who the Doctor is is not set in stone. What the Doctor stands for is consistent : "never cruel, never cowardly", always kind, everybody lives. But how the Doctor becomes the Doctor is a constant journey. A journey that is especially obvious after each regeneration.

"I am the Doctor." "Yeah, some day." - he is the Doctor now for Donna, but he is not the Doctor for River.

"I have the two qualities you require to see absolute truth. I am brilliant, and unloved." - Miss Evangelista belongs on the list of one-time Doctor Who characters who 1, deserved better, and 2, are really deeper than at first glance. Also I do believe that her being transferred to the data core isn't what changed her IQ. I'm pretty sure while still alive she was smart, but because she was told all her life that she was stupid, she ended up believing it right to her core, and dying and being saved into the library just got rid of her self-inhibitions.

"Don't play games with me. You just killed someone I liked. That is not a safe place to stand. I'm the Doctor and you're in the biggest library in the universe. Look me up." - most of the time I forget that Tennant played crazy Barty Crouch Jr, and then Ten starts twisting his face and gets angry and scary and I remember. Ten is dark. I mean, all the Doctors have their dark side. But Ten's dark side is a thing of beauty.

Anyway. That's a really great two-parter.