#i remember a few years ago that i ate milk powder with honey

[mcrmadness]

Quarantine quiz

I got tagged, by @hanhan156, kiitän! Ja minuu saa kyl tägätä näihin ihan niin paljon ku vaan sielu sietää :D Ei minuu kuitenkaan tägää ku mitä, kolme tyyppiä tyyliin? Ja näitä on aina kiva tehä joten antaa tulla vaan, en pahastu! 8)

My answers got a bit longer again so the rest (aka the quiz questions and answers) is under the cut!

Who are you named after? Well, my IRL first name is Aada but I was not named after anyone. I think my mom came up with it and originally it would have had another word to it but then my dad suggested something else for my middle name so they left this one as my name. And I’m kinda happy about that because the longer version would have not been that nice, but I also still don’t really like my name. I feel like it’s too feminine and I don’t identify with it even tho people tell me that they don’t actually see a gender for that name and it’s more of gender neutral in their eyes just because of me. But I also have something similar in my mind but that I still haven’t decided on because I’m not sure if I’d identify with that one either. I just feel like my name starts with an A but I don’t know which name it’s supposed to be. (And I cannot adopt Madness as my real name lol, even tho I sometimes feel like I identify with it more than with my real name, but only people online are using that one.)

Last time you cried? I don’t even remember? I don’t cry that easily tbh and it’s very difficult for me to let any emotions out anyway. Usually a death of a pet makes me cry but I don’t think I’ve ever even cried when people have died... And I also cry if people are mean to me or if I accidentally upset anyone. Movies and sometimes books can also cause me to cry. But when was the last time? I literally don’t remember, I cry-laugh more often than I cry because of being sad! Sometimes also anger can make me feel like crying. Anyway, I’m pretty sure the last proper time was probably when I was arguing with an ex-friend and that’d be somewhere in October, I think. (After that if I have, then it’s been about movies or TV series but can’t remember any details.)

Do you like handwriting? Yes I do! I actually like writing down fanfiction in a notebook even tho I hate the process of writing them to my computer afterwards :D I’m also writing down things very often, I have post-it notes everywhere and I have so many notebooks only for writing down things from video games :D

Favorite meal? Something homemade! Actually I think it’s horse meat with potatoes!!! I also really love how my chicken soup turns out nowadays, and my most recent favorite is homemade lasagna by me. I cooked that for the first time a few weeks ago, making all the sauces myself and all and damn it was good! (I have never had the best relationship with food, I eat only to stay alive so whenever I eat, I need my food to actually taste good too or there’s no point in eating. If I really have to eat, then I deserve to enjoy it, too.)

Longest relationship? I’ve actually never been in a relationship! o/ (No sarcasm. I’m aroace and I hate people :D Well the last part of this sentence was sarcasm. Or was it..?)

Do you have tonsils? Yeah.

Would you bungee jump? Never. My HSP ass can’t even handle normal everyday emotions some days so that’d probably feel like brains exploding and I’ve never recover so no thanks.

What’s your favorite breakfast? Usually it’s bread, either rye bread or oat bread, with butter. Sometimes might even use (cheese), cucumber and herbal salt. And then I always drink milk to go with it and afterwards I’ll get tea. If I’m fed up with bread and not feeling like eating it, then I might change for oatmeal (with butter, honey and milk) for a while. Until I get fed up with it too.

Do you untie your shoe laces when you take your shoes off? Never. I actually always get shoes WITH shoe laces but I always leave them so that I don’t need to tie nor untie them but I can still put the shoes on and take them off without doing anything with the shoe laces. I guess I only have one pair of shoes that are slightly taller at the ankles and that’s why they’ve got both: shoelaces AND zippers.

What’s the first thing you notice about a person? Their looks and style, I like black hair and clothing a lot :D And the next thing obviously is what kind of vibes I get. I usually see from people right away if I could get along with them or not and some people just look like awesome friend-material and I just would do almost anything to be their friend! Of course it can sometimes be wrong but idk, I am too shy and socially awkward (and Finnish) to go to talk to anyone I don’t know :D

Football/softball? Neither, I know nothing about sports. Only sports I know something about is horse sports and with that I also have very strict opinions about things. E.g. I boycott flat racing (gallop) but I have been studying and working with trotters for almost 10 years and those two worlds are just like complete opposites, especially in Finland where we only have trotters. And from the riding sports I find dressage really boring and not-so-nice for the horses, and showjumping is only interesting when the horses start acting out and I’m not exactly sure what to think of it. And then there’s also numerous other kinds of horse sports from western barrel racing to some sometimes even really cruel forms like gaited horses in the US. I’m not gonna say more than this, but there’s some things I find really cruel and some things that are okay, and then lots of things I don’t know enough about to give any proper opinion over.

What color pants are you wearing? Black jeans.

Last thing you ate? Finnish salmiac/salty liquorice candy called Turkinpippuri aka Tyrkisk Peber aka “Turkish pepper” in English, even tho it’s not a pepper, it just has salmiac powder in it and it’s my absolute favorite type of a salmiac!!! :D And I love salmiac.

What are you listening to? Nothing. Except the sound the fans in my computer make. (I imagine little people being trapped in the computer now. But unfortunately I don’t have any fans.)

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Probably some very light grey, almost invisible colour. Maybe something that is used to fade out other colors, if there’s any. If not, then I’d be that anyway (because I really don’t belong to anywhere, not even to a set of crayons if I was a crayon).

With this one I want to tag @stufenlosregelbar :)

[elizabethtarington]

Venheim

Note: Writing Prompt courtesy of both @aelia-likes-monsters and my text-to-speech program that pronounced Venom as Venheim. This is about its Nordic mountain man counterpart. Using this as a warm-up. Also, this picture helped with some inspiration. Word Count: 1743  Warnings: SFW (Mentions of death, gore, eating humans)

I came to this place unwillingly. I don’t remember how it happened, but one moment I was high up, drifting in the cold of space, next I was crashing down in the middle of nowhere. I found myself surrounded by tall green things and white cold powder on the ground. I knew nothing of this planet and I admit that I latched onto the first thing that approached me.

A pale-faced creature, with long braided hair covering his face. He was bundled up in fur-skinned attire, with a steel sword at his side and spoke to me in a strange language that I couldn’t understand. Everything about this place made little sense to me and as he panicked he drew his blade while I did what was necessary to survive. I overtook him and made him mine.

I now know what he was called as I took him, bonding with this man and reaching deep into his memories in search of knowledge. The green and brown things sticking from the ground were trees and the white powdered stuff was called snow. The strange hair on his face was called a beard or facial hair, and he was clothed to protect himself from the cold.

At first, I lingered in this man, quietly watching his surroundings and his daily life. He was a fisherman for his village and lived in a small wooden hut with his wife and a little girl. The village was peaceful and prospering with an abundance of fish, ensuring everyone was well fed. The man I inhabited knew everyone and helped out whenever he could.

It was strange to experience contentment. I almost didn’t recognize it as I continued to observe my host’s surroundings. He had a good and happy life. Blessed with a full belly, a healthy daughter and his wife were expecting another child. He hoped for a boy, but would still be pleased for another daughter.

Things changed one day when my host had gone out onto the glassy calm waters of the lake. He went farther than usual and managed to catch a great deal of fish for the village. It had taken the majority of the day, but my host knew they would feast tonight. But there was a lingering uneasiness in my host's stomach as we paddled back to land. The smoke on the horizon was the first sign and as we got closer we could hear nothing but silence.

My host was panicking once we saw the horrific sight. There were only a few people left. Just the victors of a needless slaughter, surrounded by the dead bodies of the entire village. That peaceful feeling that I had felt in my host was instantly gone, replaced by fear and anger. It was a feeling I knew all too well and as we neared the dock, my host was spotted immediately.

The rage that bubbled up was intense as the men brandished their weapons, ready to kill my host. I couldn’t tell if it was my host’s rage or my own, that these fools thought they would be able to kill me. As my host stupidly got out of the boat, taking out his own sword, I took over. I knew he wouldn’t be able to win against a group of men, not on his own at least.

As the first two men rushed towards my host, I stretched out over him, enveloping his entire body and his face. I made the men stop in their tracks as I continued to grow, quickly towering over them. They all began to shake and tremble, while the first two in front of me managed to work up their courage.

They charged. Their swords pointed at me, lunging forward. To me, their movements were slow and sluggish, easily dodged as I moved to the side.

But I didn’t want to avoid their attacks.

No.

I wanted to hurt them.

I wanted to make them suffer for what they did.

I formed two clawed hands as I gripped both of them. I snapped the first one’s neck, crushing it easily and squeezing until the red gore dripping down my hand. The other I threw into a burning hut with great ease, as if he were nothing but a child’s toy. I heard the sickening thud. Then the remainder of the hut fell upon him. No cries for help came from the hot fires. The man was dead.

That was when the other men howled as they raced for me, all together as one. Swords still slick with blood in their hands, clenched with false bravery. They didn’t stand a chance.

Bones cracked, breaking to my will. Their screams of pain filled my hearing as their weapons fell pitifully to the ground. The vengeance was not swift, nor was it just as I took my time to kill them and found myself achingly hungry.

For the ones still left standing, they watched in horror as I began to devour their fallen warriors. I needed the hunger to be satiated as the rage permeated every inch of my body. And only once I had bit into the flesh, gnashed the bone of their faces, fresh blood dribbling down my teeth and chin, did I make eye contact with those men. I chewed up their insides, swallowed them down before leaping for those ones still alive, ready to do the same to them.

I didn’t stop until everyone was dead and I felt the silence of the village descend upon me. This peaceful village that bustled with cheery life was now covered in red and flames. My host had retreated fully inside himself as I glanced toward the place he called home. I knew what lay in the burning house and so did he. We both hated it. So, we left.

That day changed us both. For the better or for the worse, I could not tell. My host retreated into himself, only to emerge to keep me from leaving the cave. He feared me. He feared what I could do.

For a long time, this was normal. Someone would wander nearby and my hunger would flare up and I would have myself a feast. But my host still kept me there in the darkness and the cold. Or perhaps it was me who stayed, thinking of the pain my host would go through should he be on his own.

We lost ourselves to time, sleeping everything away when people stopped coming near the cave. Eventually, my host died, but I continued to stay in my cave. That was until someone had come up the mountain wearing the strangest clothes I had seen.

They were nothing like the fur-skinned attire my host had worn all those years ago. Instead, the person wore a strange bright orange hat and a bright yellow coat. The bizarreness didn’t end there as they wore a strange pack over their shoulders and spoke out loud in a strange language I didn’t recognize.

It didn’t matter as I could feel the memory of what a person tasted like take over my senses. I wanted to eat them. I needed to devour them whole.

Managing to take form, I started to hunt them as they came closer, careful to stay out of sight and blend with the shadows. But I couldn’t help but stop as they made it up to the cave and pulled off their hat. Long hair spilled from underneath, revealing the person as a young woman. Her face was rosy from the cold, but she smiled as she pulled out a flameless torch from a side pack.

The hunger was still there, but I couldn’t help but feel curious as I watched her. She continued to journey into the cave and decided to put down her pack, pulling out a strange object. Fascinating to observe, I watched as she set up what resembled a canvas tent that I had seen on my previous host. Except, this type of cloth was brightly colored, much like her clothing and she didn’t seem to use wood, but a strange metal.

I continued to watch her clinging to the ceiling and hiding in the shadows until the late evening as she built a fire and sat on a rock. Something she ate smelled strange and I decided to get a little closer, compacting myself into an unassuming and harmless looking blob. I wiggled and slithered closer, bravely going up the rock to stare at it. What was this she was eating?

Despite looking small and not scary, the woman let out a deafening scream that even had me wincing from the sound. But I couldn’t help but stare at the item she had all but thrown into the air, landing on the cold hard ground of the cave.

Seeing my opportunity, I snaked my way to the object. I sniffed at it, its scent was filling my senses now as I stretched out, eager to lick it.

The sweet taste danced along my tongue and I could feel a calm fall over me as I bit the food. It was unlike anything I had ever had before, creamy like milk, and sweet but nothing like honey or other foods I had tasted before.

I greedily devoured it and when there was none left, I noticed the woman with wide eyes staring back at me. She spoke, but I couldn’t understand the words. But she continued to try, this time pointing at the strange wrappings left beside me, saying “chocolate”.

I imitated her, “Chocolate?”

She nodded her head up and down, slowly making her way to the pack on the ground and pulling out another with the same kind of wrappings. She tapped it and spoke the word again, before throwing it my way. I formed myself into a human-like shape, catching it with a newly formed hand and ripped the packaging.

“Chocolate.” I rumbled before eating.

It was gone in an instant and she tossed me another and another until she had none left. I could see the fear in her eyes. She didn’t know that this chocolate stuff made me feel calm and I was no longer interested in gorging myself on her flesh. What she didn’t know was that I had decided that I was ready to leave my cave and that she would be my new host. She would lead me to more of this chocolate.

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[wishingfornever]

10/13/2017 – No Contact:  Everyone is a Little Racist

Current time. 11:50.  I just woke up from a series of naps.  Two, so I guess that’s a series.  But let me tell you about the dream I had.

I was living in this weird apartment complex.  It began with me walking around and visiting with neighbors and these two Chinese ladies.  One was older and one was a bit younger (a daughter).  They made it clear that they were into some shady shit.  They asked if they could use my car for this shady shit and I tell them no.  After that, I went along and eventually came back to find an older version of an old roommate’s youngest son (long story there) laying on a bed inside the apartment.  It’s important to note it was Halloween and he was upset about something.  I offered the support as best I could but eventually left.  I was very social and there was this cute girl I was hitting on.

The conversation with said cute girl ended in me remembering, I forgot something in my car.  I go to it and it’s not my silver Dodge but an old, blue station wagon.  Kind of a short one if compared to other station wagons.  Hard to explain.  Anyways, I discover the two Chinese ladies STEALING my car.  And I say, “...um… can I help you?”  They said yes and heavily implied that if I didn’t let them something bad would happen.  I was like, “Okay, I guess I’ll call the police when you’re done...”

Except I couldn’t.  They forced me into the station wagon and I sat in the back seat as they loaded stuff into the very back.  I tried not to look directly at it but it looked like drugs disguised as Chinese food.  I was hoping they’d drive by my apartment and the girl I was talking to would see I was being taken hostage, but no.  They made their way out of there almost immediately.

Anyways, the older one drove and she spoke like Maria.  Broken, barely spoken English.  The younger spoke a bit more but was still really bad.  We went through the mountains, where there was a lot of snow.  The older one became nervous like she’s never driven in the snow before. Upon coming down from a summit, she parked on the side of a road in a TURNING lane and ran across to the other side for something.  As she did, a truck lost control and almost hit her.

I don’t know what she did but when she came back I offered them both to drive for them.  Because GEEZUZ!!!  The dude who was in the truck came up wanting to trade information.  The car wasn’t touched so I told him, “Listen, not my problem.  Try to get information from her, the person you almost hit.”  He complained because we parked in the parking lane but eventually started speaking to the older lady about it.  They sorted everything out and we started driving again.

That’s all I remember.  Wasn’t that dramatic of a dream, but I think it’d be an effective comedy.  KIND OF RACIST, I know.  Especially since I’ve been talking about Asians a lot lately.  Normally, I don’t include race in my stories.  For example, my old roommate’s youngest son?  He’s half black, half Mexican.  I didn’t include that at all.  Most of my stories with blacks don’t mention their color.  One of the girls I was hitting on a while back over Facebook? She was black.  Why do I mention Asians when their race doesn’t matter?

I guess Asians sort of get overlooked.  Don’t get me wrong, they are still targets for racism because EVERYONE is a little racist (myself included).  However, they weren’t really targeted by All Lives Matters and people like that.  Why would they be?  The Asians I know tend to be on top of things.  And they’re RIDICULOUSLY talented. Like… fucking hell, that’s their racism trait.  Being good at most everything they do.  Except driving, apparently.

I’m not sure that’s true, either.  Unless they drive a Chevy.  Now that I think about it, blacks and whites were the ones involved in all the car accidents I’ve seen in person.  One case, I saw one get rear ended by this stoner dude.  The stoner was white and they were a black couple.  With the exception of that one waiter we had, I don’t really know too many Asians who have actually been in car accidents.

Doesn’t mean you’re a safe driver if you’ve never been in an accident, of course.  Still, just something I’ve noticed.  I think Mexicans are bad drivers.  I look at ALL my cousins as references.  Some of them have been in car accidents, too!  Thing is, they were in car accidents in… Mexico.  So, both sides were Mexican.  Drivers in Mexico are just… crazy.

Whatever. Now, what am I going to do.  Currently 12:15.  I wanted to do something before the naps but I fell asleep watching Game Grumps. Probably food.  I grabbed a dragon fruit for Adela to try but she doesn’t want to try it.  She has to open up sometime.  >:C

I didn’t do my sets yesterday or the day before.  I’ll do it today, though.  I MIGHT cook myself some eggs.  Or I might make a sandwich… an egg sandwich?  I don’t know.  I’m hungry.  I want food.  But what food? I don’t want sweet, food.  I have enough fruit for it, to be sure.  I guess I’ll make myself something with peas, actually.  That’s not a bad idea.  Then I’ll finish watching the video I fell asleep on from about where I fell asleep. And I’ll have a fruit.  Which fruit? ANY FRUIT!!!

Anyways, I’ll be on later.  Maybe.  I have an update unfortunately.  I hate updates…  Bah, it’ll be fine.  Later.

I don’t think I’m going to be a vegetarian much longer.  I’d. Fucking.  MURDER.  For a god damn burger right now.  x.x  Like… I think sometime next year I’ll get a burger from Whataburger.  Only in a few months.  I’ll try to hold out as long as possible… but no promises.  Might do what you do.  Claim to be vegetarian but still eat meat.  ;)

Kidding.  Sort of.  I MIGHT start eating fish.  Then turkey.  And eventually work my way back into beef and ham.  I just ate.  Had a peach and, as opposed to everything in the god damn HEB, it wasn’t on the verge of rotting.  Seriously, they need to work on their god damn stocking.  Like, only one avocado was edible last time I was there.  Disgusting.

Whatever. If you want them to be stocked, go early.  I’m going to have the other peach soon.  I feel SO hungry.  x.x

Eh… The food I got was kind of subpar.  I have no onions, tomatoes, or honey mustard.  Didn’t feel like cooking some eggs so I basically made a cheese sandwich with spinach.  Unfortunately, that proved to be not as good as it sounds.  The swiss cheese melted over the spinach and it SEEMED like it’d taste good.  So good.  The best even. Thing is, the spinach sort of canceled out the savory swiss.  It felt… empty.  And I grabbed a peach too.  That peach was ripe, but it was… eh.  Not as good as the other.  Just disappointing.  Filling?  Not really.  I have some spinach left but I’m saving that for an egg sandwich tomorrow.  I have ketchup and my three spices.  Seasoned salt, black pepper, and garlic powder. Put that shit in anything you cook and it’ll be grand.  Remember the mashed potatoes?  I sometimes put onions in it but you LOVED it. We should have mashed potatoes if you come out.

Ah, I just remembered.  It’s not seasoned salt I have but that pink Himalayan salt.  It’s… alright, but I have to twist the thing and that makes it harder to guesstimate the amount.  Oh, guesstimate is a word apparently.  More proof that English is fucking dumb.

Anyways, put that in the eggs, add ketchup, and I’ll have a GREAT breakfast.

You know, I got the eggs for three reasons.  Firstly, it’s not meat. Second, I saw a picture where you cooked me breakfast.  I posted it on Facebook and titled it the perfect breakfast.  It was eggs and pop tarts.  People gave me crap because it’s so simple and I said it wasn’t the food but the who.  You made that breakfast perfect. Finally, I want to try some of those egg rituals my witch friend suggested.  Turns out, the chants DON’T have to be religious to work.  So I could say, “No Pasaran” or even “I have nothing to lose but my chains” or whatever and it’d still work.  That’s some good news.

As for disposing, if it’s a protection spell, we bury it.  If it’s detecting negative energy, we pour it in a river and be on our way. I THINK Adela has a septic tank.  I’m not sure about the sewers in Houston.  So, we COULD flush it but until we know for sure, I’m not doing that with the eggs.

Apparently, you can also use potatoes for spells.  Magic is weird.  If this had happened a few months ago, then I would have been like, “Lol, magic is dumb and you’re dumb.”  However, I feel there is more to it than that now.  I’ve learned a lot from her.  Been taking notes.  I might use it for writing.  I probably won’t, unfortunately.  I have so much planned but so little time.  :c

Eh… I want a burger.  So badly.  I want to make an egg sandwich but… I won’t.  Ah, well.  Current supply in the fridge and pantry for ME to eat (Adela’s food is off limits) consists of the dragon fruit, three apples, a bottle of ketchup, almond milk, a single and final serving of spinach, half a loaf of bread, a can of peas and carrots, a can of corn, various cheeses, and 16 eggs.  We’ll go shopping sometime on the weekend.  I’ll be fine.

The rough estimate for my food is 60-80 dollars.  Per week, that would be 240-320 dollars a month.  Not including rent, I estimate my cost of living is about 800 dollars per month.  That means if I got a part time job at Starbucks, I should be fine.  Might be saving.  After this next week, I’ll apply for other jobs.  However, I’ll actually go in when Adela takes Max to the groomers.  I won’t have to try to get him in a cage or anything.  Today, I’ll call. Hopefully at about 11 and let them know what’s up.  I’ll talk to the manager and introduce myself.  Let them know that I’m interested in a job there.

I’ll get a job.  Then I’ll brag about it.  It’ll be great.  Oh, and I could perhaps save money because I won’t have to eat here. Probably won’t eat out that much.  I don’t know.  If it’s like Dunkin, I’ll be fine unless they make me work mornings.  I SUCK at mornings.

When I worked nights at Dunkin (better than mornings) I usually slept when I got back.  Mornings?  I had to wake up immediately.  I had the sunrise to wake me up.  Problem is, I worked BEFORE sunrise and my alarm was unreliable.

Honestly… I loved working at Dunkin.  It had it’s moments where it sucked, but it was pretty fun.  They gave me free coffee and tea.  I hope they do that at Starbucks too.  Maybe discounted food.  Burgers. Drool

I mean… whatever.

I just realized that the money you’re using to buy pot?  You got that from selling your super prized computer.  Oof.  You sold everything for all of this.  In the end?  At least you’re a little high.

Sarcasm.  I’m suddenly more concerned.  Please tell me you’ll stop spending on such trivial bullshit.  Fucking pot is not worth the money.  :/ Whatever.  You won’t tell me that, even if you were talking to me.  You’re stubborn.  You get told to do one thing and you’ll do the opposite.  Human nature… don’t know why.  My dad used to have this small outhouse thing that was assembled by all these parts and had a mouse trap in it.  The mouse trap connected to the door.  When you opened th door to this little outhouse, it’d explode.  He LOVED it.  He put a little sign on front that said, “Don’t Open” because he understood people don’t listen to signs.  He got so many people with that fucking door. I want one.  I think I can find one on the internet.

I’ll call my dad tomorrow too, maybe.  I really should.  Anyways, I’m going to bed.  Talk to you when I wake up.  Alarm set for 10am. Going to call Starbucks at 11.  ;)

Before I go!  I asked my witch friend what the deal with brooms are. Apparently, they can clean up negative energy!  And brooms you make yourself has a connection and cleans energy better or something.  And it can determine people visiting and you put it upside down, it’ll prevent people from coming and if they do come then they’ll leave sooner.  And you can bless your vacuum to clean up negative energies. Just gotta empty it and take out the garbage IMMEDIATELY.  And apparently you can bless ROOMBA!!!  ROOMBA CAN COLLECT NEGATIVE ENERGY!!!  OMFG ROOMBA, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD!!!  SAVE THIS HOUSE OF OURS!!!

Sorry.  Sleeping now.  Later.

Current time is seven in the morning… I’m so restless.  I hate it.  I think any optimism and positivity is fading.  I might return to my grumpy annoyed self, which is a shame.  Computer is mandatory restarting today.  I FUCKING hate that.  I have to save EVERYTHING. For what?  What update could I possibly need?

My dream was nice last night.  Very… arousing.  You were in it of course.  It ended with us skinny dipping.  In my dreams, you’re always so affectionate.  I miss that.  :/

Anyways… I realized that you blocking me wasn’t to start any drama.  You probably felt I was trying to show you how good everything was here. Try and convince you somehow.  I was posting a lot of pictures of Max.  Still do, mind you, but you don’t need that reminder.  You felt that I was trying to communicate with you through Facebook.  Not my intention.  Otherwise, I’d have to go back and change no contact days to limited contact.

Surprised you noticed. Alternatively, you could have just turned off my posts so you didn’t have to see them.  Idea probably didn’t occur to you.  Or maybe you wanted to send a message.  Unfortunately, that message would be open to interpretation.  If you read this, you’ll see I didn’t get the memo.  At least, probably not the one you mentioned.

I didn’t call Starbucks today.  Woke up too late.  I’ll stay up as long as possible and go to bed early.  Try and reset my schedule as best as possible.  I need to do this before Max is taken to the groomers.  I’ll get it figured out.  So tired though.

I need to message Shane.  See if he’s alright.  Might be the food he’s been eating.  :/

He’s okay.  Whatever he had passed.  I’m glad to hear.  Could have been something far worse.  However, I still believe he should go to the doctor’s but I won’t push it.  If I were inflicted with something similar and it went away, I wouldn’t want to go to the doctor’s either.  Literally, fuck American healthcare.  Nothing but bad times. -,-

So… It’s currently 6:20.  I bought a girl some food.  She’s the sort who normally says no.  I expected her to say no.  She said yes.  So, I ordered her a pizza.  She is one of the girls I’ve been flirting with.

The thought crossed my head that “What if she’s using me?” but then I came to the conclusion that, again, she’ not the type who’d say yes normally.  She’s pretty introverted.  Spends most her days working and going to class.  If I go back to visit, I’ll have to stop by and say hi to her in person.  There are some stories with her.  I’ll have to share them sometime with you.

[blogmidouni]

Hailey Lost Over 100 Pounds (and She Eats Dairy and Gluten!)

A few years ago, Hailey Hechtman looked at pictures of herself at a wedding and didn't recognize the woman she saw. She realized that she had turned to food for comfort and put everyone else's needs before her own. Sound familiar?

Hailey: Before

We can all learn from Hailey's journey; the moment she dedicated herself to her health journey, the weight fell off, and she did it without eradicating major food groups or restricting calories like crazy. Hailey went from a size 22 to a size 8, but what's most inspiring is the joy she's found. Her brave commitment to her health and self-care is an example of how we must better ourselves in order to give to others and live our happiest, healthiest lives.

POPSUGAR: What made you decide to start your weight-loss journey?

Hailey Hechtman: For the majority of my childhood, into my teens and through my early adulthood, I had been overweight. From the time that I was a kid, I compensated for the lack of attention and involvement from my family with food. I am not entirely sure how this started, but there was certainly something within me that felt alone, ignored, and isolated, which for brief moments in time was put to the back of my mind when I ate. When it came to my weight, it was something that I ignored, something that when I looked in the mirror I tried to pretend wasn't real or was OK somehow, even though deep down I knew that I wasn't happy with not only the way I looked but the way I felt.

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"I remember sitting on the couch in my apartment almost in shock. Was that me? Is that what I really looked like?"

I was the kind of person, especially as a teen and into my twenties, that would focus all of my energy into other people; their problems, their dreams, their dating lives. All of it was fundamentally more important to me than having to face my own reality. I was the kind of friend that would spend every waking hour trying to help you without ever reflecting on what I needed to be happy, and by virtue of my dedication to others, I thought that I was happy. I got all of my validation from how much people relied on me and none of it from my own accomplishments.

When I was 20, just having finished my second year of university, my perspective changed. I had just gone through a breakup with a long-distance boyfriend who was supposed to be my date to my cousin's upcoming wedding. I went to the wedding alone, enjoyed myself, had a great time . . . but then I saw the pictures. I remember sitting on the couch in my apartment almost in shock. Was that me? Is that what I really looked like? I got up off the couch and for the first time in many years, walked to the scale. I stepped on . . . 287 pounds. I cried and said to myself that day, standing on that scale, that that was the heaviest I would ever be. From that moment on I committed to dedicating my time over that Summer away from school to becoming the me that I deserved to be, that I could no longer just keep hiding from my body and instead owed it to myself to take the time to get healthy, fit, and work on my self-care.

Hailey: After

PS: What's your favorite way to work out?

HH: When I first started trying to lose weight, exercise was terrifying. I had never been an athletic person; in fact, I often used to pretend that I wasn't feeling well to get out of gym class and would hide out in the bathroom if a friend asked me to go to the gym with them. I knew though that I would have to work out in order to see results and become a healthier person.

I started simply with walking. The first few weeks I would walk for 30 minutes around my neighborhood and then the next few weeks for 45 minutes. I kept increasing this as time went on. I also tried to incorporate bodyweight exercises like squats and crunches, which when I was nearly 300 pounds left me sore in a way that I had never been before. Despite the level of discomfort, the newness felt like a really nice change of pace and I began to start enjoying my workouts as they got progressively longer and varied.

"I committed to becoming the me that I deserved to be; I owed it to myself to get healthy."

PS: What's your weekly exercise schedule?

HH: Now, six years later, I love working out and have actually found that it replaced food as an excellent way to relieve stress and make me feel in control. On an average week, I work out four to six times and try to keep it as fresh and engaging as possible. Twice per week, I will do strength training with heavier weights, including squats, side bends, kettlebell swings, seated boats with weight, as well as ab training like planks.

Related: This Is What It Looks Like to Lose 30 Pounds in 4 Months

Two days per week I do lighter weight cardio workouts with exercises that incorporate getting my heart-rate up and using light dumbbells such as weighted jumping jacks and weighted high knees. On the other one or two days per week I work on decompression including mobility flow exercises, foam rolling, and yoga to help with recovery. During the day, I spend a lot of time sitting at my desk however I am very lucky to work only 15 minutes from my home, which means that I end up walking at least one hour per day between going to and from work at the beginning and end of the day as well as home for lunch.

PS: How do you keep workouts exciting?

HH: It is really important to me that working out feels energizing, fun, and empowering. For me, this has been possible because of all the great resources available online. I have a variety of different people that I follow on Instagram who post new workouts on a daily basis which really helps to give me ideas for developing my own routines. I am big fan of supersets and so often I will spend time doing research and then combining moves that I feel will enhance my workout and engage my body in a different way.

Related: Katie Has Lost 220 Pounds So Far Without Calorie Counting or a Gym

PS: How much weight have you lost?

HH: I have lost over 100 pounds and have been able to keep the majority of it off over the past four years; I went from a size 22 to a size 8 to 10. I fluctuate a little bit here and there but focus mainly on being healthy, fit, and strong.

PS: What was the first big difference, other than the number on the scale, that really made you feel proud and excited?

HH: For me the first big difference was having a different sense of space. I remember when I was overweight, I took up so much more of an area, my arms could not simply sit at my side, they instead jutted out or when I was sitting in class in university I could not put down the little side table attached to my seat as it did not sit flat. Once I lost the weight this changed; I felt more confident when I was walking around and didn't feel awkward about where I stood, or if I was in the way, like I had felt before. I also enjoyed a new sense of self-esteem that I hadn't had; I was able to work on being more assertive and was able to feel worthy enough to start focusing my energy on what I wanted out of life. I overall felt a lot happier and more able to enjoy where I was in life.

Hailey: Before and After

PS: How do you track your weight loss?

HH: When I first started losing weight, I tracked my weight loss using the scale, but as I got more and more comfortable with the process, I started instead to watch how clothing fit me. The biggest difference I noticed was how quickly my old clothing became baggy and how my wardrobe for the first few years was constantly evolving. Now, I do not track weight loss rather I just take time to be mindful to how my current clothing fits me and where progress is happening in terms of my workouts.

"I love working out . . . it replaced food as an excellent way to relieve stress and make me feel in control."

PS: What's a typical day of meals and snacks?

HH: For me, I am a real creature of habit when it comes to food. I usually start my morning off with a bowl of oatmeal made with almond milk that has chia seeds, flaxseeds, peanut butter, blueberries, and a little bit of maple syrup mixed in. A few hours later, while at work I will have a morning snack of half an apple and a small bottle of kefir. For lunch, I typically have a sandwich with either egg or hummus in a whole grain pita, veggies, and a 1/4 avocado mixed with cocoa powder and honey for dessert. In the afternoon, I will have a turkey pepperoni stick and a small container of rice pudding. For dinner, I will have a piece of salmon or turkey, with sweet potato, mini potatoes or brown rice, asparagus and kale with a bit of BBQ sauce, and following my workout I will have a smoothie with berries, half a banana, some whey protein, peanut butter, and spinach. I love these foods and have found that I am always feeling pretty energized throughout the day.

PS: What's the range of calories you eat per day?

HH: Although I am very consistent with what I eat, I still do find it helpful to track what I eat. I use the S Health App on my phone to not only see the amount of calories that I am taking in but the nutritional balance of what I am eating. I aim to have a good balance between carbs, fats, and proteins and get most of my daily vitamins from the food that I eat. I usually eat about 1800-2000 calories per day.

Related: This Inspiring Mom of Two Lost 40 Pounds With Tone It Up

PS: What are the healthy staples that are always in your fridge?

HH: In my fridge I always have spinach, lemons (I drink water with lemon, cucumbers, turmeric, and cinnamon every day), kefir, natural peanut butter, and whole grain pitas. I really like keeping stocked on oatmeal, almond milk, and maple syrup in my cupboard.

Hailey: After

PS: How do you strategize for meals out?

HH: I don't tend to eat out that often, but when I do, I just make sure to eat proportionally. For example, my partner and I will usually order a pizza on a Friday night and I will have two slices and put them over a bed of spinach. I feel like you should still enjoy the foods that you want and that eating out should be about having flavors that you don't get to experience very often, so I don't tend to deny myself; I just try to keep it reasonable and add it to my phone so that it counts towards my nutritional balance.

"Be self-reflective and focus on what has brought you to wanting to make a change."

PS: Do you use a fitness tracker?

HH: I don't use a fitness tracker, however the app on my phone does count my steps during the day and I usually try to aim for 10,000, which given my walks to and from work is almost always achieved. For me, tracking my fitness progress is more done just by creating workouts for myself for the week and then going through them. Sometimes when it is really busy I will do one less day of high intensity and one more day of stretching, but ultimately I just aim at being healthy and fit on a schedule that works for my lifestyle.

PS: What advice do you have for anyone starting out on a weight-loss journey?

HH: My best advice would be do it on your own terms. I know a lot of people who have found success with a specific diet or exercise program, but for me, as part of my journey to become more self-confident and intrinsically motivated, it was more important to build something customized. I would suggest that if you are trying to lose weight, look at the reasons why you gained it in the first place, take some time to be self-reflective, and focus on what has brought you to wanting to make a change.

Related: 1 Woman's Beautiful Story of Losing 75 Pounds, While Gaining Confidence and Inner Strength

It is helpful to take a strengths-based approach to getting healthy by focusing on what you are capable of and what motivates you rather than what your deficiencies have been. I would also say never lose touch with the person you were before you lost weight. I learned after a lot of looking back that my problem wasn't that I cared about people too much or that I was too open; my problem was that I didn't have a balance between myself and others. Now, I focus on nurturing healthy relationships, being a great partner to the man I love, a good friend to those that matter, and work in a field where I am able to use my skills of support and encouragement. We all have great qualities. It is just that sometimes we need to find new ways of expressing them.

Hailey wants any readers who struggling with weight loss to know that she'd love to be your coach or offer support in any way she can. Email hh.healthyliving@gmail.com if you'd like to learn more about her story or her tips.

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