#i regret becoming one and yet I can't stop writing

[cerberuscaeli]

I have so many ideas of the things I want to write and my whole damn brain can turn it into a mental cinematic but when I have to write it down it's like the tape stopped working? Like, brain I love it that I can see it all as a cinematic and see how it is BUT I WANT TO WRITE IT DOWN, JUST GIVE ME THE SCRIPT TOO 😫

And this, this is why I have so many drafts and decided to call myself a "(day)dream" writer, bc everything gets written in my head but never on paper/word document 😒

Anyways, working on a slow progressing piece if idol!xiao and lowkey want to write a yandere fic thanks to 2PM and their song "My House", but we'll see if I can ever get it written down 😂

[mirohlayo]

YOU STOLE IT

( what happens when lando reunites with the girl who stole his first kiss ? )

warning : a bit of jealousy, fluff, lot of fluff

note : i love this okay. i won't write a part 2 so no requests please !!

word count : 4.9k

Lando hasn't always been very lucky in love. While he separated from a failed romantic relationship, he now finds himself alone, surrounded by his friends who are experiencing their perfect love, alongside their soulmates.

This doesn't bother him that much, since he himself admitted preferring to concentrate on his sporting career and thus become one of the best F1 drivers. No girlfriend yet.

But when he has to endure all day long the sweet words that other drivers address to their lovers, when he himself can feel love in the air, it becomes difficult not to think about starting a new chapter, this time here happy and healthy. A chapter that will fill him with happiness, as he has never been before.

Is this decision of not having enough time to find a girlfriend in order to concentrate on sport actually an excuse to hide the pain and despair that is gradually beginning to nestle in his heart?

He tries as best he can to reassure himself, to convince himself that he doesn't need this feeling of being completely in love and devoted to a girl. But when he continues to be the third wheel among the couples his friends form, he comes to desire a relationship more than anything else.

And every time, he can't help but think of this girl. This pretty girl he met during his summer vacation when he was 16. She was divinely beautiful, her shy but bubbly personality made Lando's heart capsize in a unique way, his whole being was alarmed just by hearing her name.

They both had a wonderful vacation, just the two of them together. During these two summer months, they did not let go of each other, spending every day alongside each other. They had become so close and complicit that they proclaimed themselves best friends from their first meeting during a kart race where Lando was racing for his life.

And since that day, they both developed deep feelings for each other. At first it was innocent. And it still is, in fact. They just thought it was a deep friendly connection, that they were just friendly soulmates. That those little stolen smiles and tactile touches were just childish, and just affectionate.

But it turned out that his feelings were ultimately more than that. More than just a friendly relationship. Lando found himself falling in love with you so hard, so passionately that he regretted not asking for your number when you two suddenly said goodbye.

You were his first love. And you still are. He thought that with time, you would eventually slip out of his head, that he would eventually forget you and move on, that it was just a big embarrassing crush from his youth but that he wouldn't think about it anymore growing up.

But that is absolutely not the case. He hasn't stopped thinking about you for 8 years. Every day, even before going to sleep, the only person he thinks about is you, that little girl he was madly in love with before.

He knows it, he maybe denies it a little, but deep down he realizes that he still has feelings for you. Perhaps less intense, less ardent, but there is no doubt that his romantic feelings will double in strength if he meets you again one day.

Of course, the old relationships, flirts, that he had before were sincere and true. He liked these few girls, that he was even happy in his last relationship. But for all that, it was by stopping this relationship and these flirts that he realized that everything brought him back to you. No matter what girl he meets, the only one who will forever remain deeply anchored in his heart is you.

He knows now that you two were more than friendly soulmates. Well, at least from his point of view. He was absolutely unsure about your feelings, which is why during these summer vacations, he preferred not to tell you anything for fear of destroying such a pure and important friendship in his eyes.

But again, he finds himself thinking about you, about how everything would be different with you. It was by going through all these different relationships with girls that he understood that he had never felt anything as powerful as with you. All these girls don't give him even a quarter of what he felt for you back then. So, how will this feeling change when he has the opportunity to meet you again?

The warm air of Saudi Arabia blows gently through the driver's curly hair. Free practice will begin in a few hours now, so Lando is using this time cooped up in the garage, surrounded by his teammate and his racing team, to discuss about the car.

“Hello Oscar!!” Lando's teammate is welcomed by his girlfriend, Lily, who smiles lovingly at him. The interview with the team is over, and she took the opportunity to spend some time with her boyfriend Oscar. The second driver comes to wrap his arms around his lover, before pressing a kiss to her forehead. Lando scoffs and rolls his eyes exaggeratedly. “Can you do this in private please? In addition to be the third wheel, I have nausea coming on.”

Oscar mocks his teammate, still holding Lily tightly in his arms. “Mate, it’s not my fault you’re a failure in love.” The Brit stops himself from hitting him, before putting on his McLaren cap. “Need I remind you that I’ve been in a relationship before?” He says to him with a completely proud look. “Couple who ended up in a failure, by the way.” He remarks, pointing at him.

“I really loved her…” The curly pauses. “It’s just that there is someone who- no, nothing, forget what I've said” He grumbles and withdraws into himself. Oscar frowns, Lily now concerned about the situation. “What?” She questions him gently.

Lando refuses to face this situation and simply shrugs his shoulders and ends up running away to join Zack further away. He can't say more, he can't talk about this girl who obsesses him. The two lovers look at each other confused by the British's behavior.

Zack smiled as he saw Lando walking towards him. “Are you already tired of feeling love in the air?” He says in order to tease him, which works. “Stop with that, I don’t care if I’m in a relationship or not.” What a lie. Zack knows his driver is lying, but he doesn't bother him more than that, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

“So, how are things going at Ferrari?” Lando asks to quickly change the subject, not wanting to face another charade about his catastrophic dating situation. The two men then turn towards the Ferrari garage, where they can see the two drivers and the mechanics. "They look like they have a really good car, that's all I can tell you. But that doesn't mean-"

But it's too late, the British Mclaren driver no longer listens to his boss. As the Ferrari mechanics and strategists set to work, he saw among this small crowd Charles alongside a girl. At first glance, he thought it was his girlfriend. But upon closer observation, the woman, who is facing away, has a little shorter hair and is smaller in stature. And her hair color reminds him of her.

The girl he's been hopelessly in love with for 8 years now. But it can't be real, right? Why would you be here at the free practice sessions, and even more so accompanied by Charles Leclerc? His eyes must surely be hallucinating. But that silhouette from behind reminds him so much of you. But he tries to reassure himself. Or rather convince himself that there are so many brown girls in the paddock that he has confused you with someone else.

“Are you still listening to me or not?” Zack's serious voice rang in his ears. "Uh, yeah, sorry..." "You must need some time alone, I think" A mocking but concerned smile takes its place on Zack's face. “Yes, I think I need a little rest, excuse me” Lando smiles at him with difficulty before his boss goes further away.

The driver takes a deep breath. He can't help but look away at Charles and that girl. The more he looks, the more he feels like he's going back 8 years and seeing the girl he loves in front of him. He needs to know. He needs to be reassured and to be sure if this girl is really you.

And as if fate had heard it, the woman disappears from the garage, and seems to be heading to the paddock. So the British guy doesn't miss this chance and almost runs behind her to follow her. A few people give him confused and questioning looks, but he continues to pursue this dark-haired woman who hypnotizes him.

As he gets closer to you, his heart beats harder and harder. He feels like he's going to burst out of his chest and this feeling of stress eating away at him makes him want to vomit. Because he is realizing that he may have found his first love again. His eternal childhood crush.

That all those nights lost looking for you on social medias, trying to find your account and reconnect with you may not have been in vain. That all those nights lost thinking about you for a long time before falling asleep may not have been wasted in vain. That all these memories of you that he replays in his head finally make sense.

So, he goes for it without a second’s hesitation. "Excuse me ?" He speaks a little hesitantly, afraid of ending up with a woman who doesn't know him. But when the girl turns around, her brown hair flowing in the air, her eyes meeting his, Lando's heart skips several beats.

He finally found you.

The look of shock and surprise on your face mirrors Lando’s perfectly. Neither of you knows how to react, so you stay stuck like this for what seems like an eternity. But it is during this moment that the air suddenly seems changed. As if a connection, which once existed, was finally present again. As if an invisible link had finally reconnected between you, and united you for eternity. This change in atmosphere makes Lando's heart beat a little harder.

It seems unreal. So unreal that he thinks he's dreaming for a moment. For years, he never stopped thinking about you. To wonder what had become of you, what you looked like. And here you are now in front of him, more radiant than ever. This supernatural trance finally breaks when you decide to speak.

"Lando?!...Lando!!" You can't help but smile with all your teeth, a smile so sincere and strong. And oh God he suffered so much for the last eight years without being able to admire your magnificent smile. He adores it so much that he dreams of framing it in his memory forever. He knows how weak he becomes every time he gets the chance to admire your smile.

He can't help the big smile that comes over him as well. He feels so many emotions inside him that he feels like he's going to explode with happiness. "Y/n! Oh it's really you, I can't believe it!!" He can't even hide his joy and excitement, which makes you smile more, although it already seems impossible considering your cheeks already tired from just smiling.

“Me either, I feel like I’m in a dream” You admit, still a little surprised. “I didn’t think you were going to recognize me to be honest” You tell him, trying to contain your bomb of joy. “How could I not recognize you, when you are literally the most precious person to me?”

This simple sentence makes you blush violently, as you try to hide your embarrassment. “Uh- well it’s been 8 years since we last saw each other, so I doubt I’m still your favorite person” You laugh sweetly, and the sweet sound melts his heart. “So don’t doubt anymore, because you really are y/n” He addresses these few words to you while looking into yours.

And that's when he realizes how much you've changed. But changed in an incredibly beautiful way. You have kept this divine beauty which never fails to take his breath away. Your sweet facial features, that beautiful smile that he can't help but be obsessed with, and just simply your face that he could gaze at for hours and hours without ever getting tired of it.

You were already very beautiful when you were younger, when you were teenagers. But now you are infinitely more magnificent and resplendent. You look much more mature, and much more feminine. He has the impression of seeing an angel, a goddess before him. And that too has not changed, you remain for him the most beautiful woman he has ever met in his entire life.

The same goes for you. He's grown up so much, he's no longer the immature but adorable little Lando you loved so much before. Now he's a real man. He is more muscular, more virile but above all he has retained this eternal beauty and attractiveness. His beard makes him look a lot older too.

And then his hair. You teased him back then because he had trouble combing his hair. But these beautiful silky and shiny curls make you want and want to play with them, to caress them until they are messy enough for you to style them again.

“I see that my karting races have brought you to the wonderful world of Formula 1” The driver then says in order to hide the fact that he has been gazing at you for a few minutes now. You chuckle, before nodding. “Yeah, it must be said that a certain Lando Norris passed on his passion for motorsport to me” He lets out a little embarrassed laugh before turning his attention back to you.

"But Lando Norris was replaced by his opponent apparently. Bad luck." Lando's eyes land on the monegasque Ferrari driver who joins the conversation, right next to you. His tone turns colder as he stares at Charles. He can't help but feel a pang - or rather a big pang - of jealousy at the idea that you potentially replaced him with the monegasque driver.

Maybe your heart finally fell for Charles? Maybe in the end you always preferred him. He can't get these assumptions out of his head, because they haunt him now and just thinking about them makes him even more jealous. How come you're as close to Charles as you once were to Lando?

"Wow, what a reunion! Y/n told me how you were best friends before" Charles smiles kindly, and Lando seems surprised by his words. “Did she really tell you?” He asks suddenly. You clear your throat, embarrassed by what you told your friend about your relationship with the Brit.

"Yes, she told me so many things about you. That you were her favorite boy - and still are, that she loved spending time with you so much, that she really found you adorable and cute-” “Hey shut up!!” You beg Charles, placing the palm of your hand over his mouth.

Lando feels himself blush violently upon hearing Charles' words. Is this really true? “Do you think I’m cute ?” He teases you gently, but you feel even more embarrassed that you end up pressing your hands to your cheeks to hide the already terribly apparent red color.

"And that's not all, I still forgot lots and lots of things... anyway, I'll leave you, work awaits me again" Charles ends up patting the Mclaren driver on the shoulder, before to give you a smile and walk away.

A silence falls for a moment. The atmosphere has suddenly changed, it's more tense. But tense because you now know that a more than ambiguous and friendly feeling has settled between you. Tension paralyzes you as you fight the urge to jump into each other's arms.

Lando finally clears his throat before looking into your beautiful eyes. “How did you meet Charles?” “I’m a friend of his girlfriend, and she introduced us.” You respond simply, staring at him intently. Until you notice that his eyes no longer support your gaze but attack your lips.

It makes you think of that moment. And it makes him think of that moment too.

He stared intently at your pink lips. He wonders if he can. If he has the right. If he can taste them again. To move his lips on yours, to see if they are as soft as they seem.

To relive this moment. This moment, which is undoubtedly the most beautiful of his memories, and even more the most beautiful day of his life.

-

England was probably now one of your favorite destinations. Maybe because you found your confidant there, your best friend, this boy as adorable as he was immature who dreamed of being a Formula 1 driver. But all good things come to an end, and you already knew that destiny had to separate your paths. That these two months of vacation spent alongside Lando will only be distant but happy memories of your adolescence, and that you will perhaps end up watching him race on TV, being only a spectator and no longer his childhood best friend.

Lando knew it too. He knew that you had to return to your homeland, because after all England was only the destination your parents had chosen for the summer holidays. But his heart was breaking, suffocating at the idea of letting you go, when he had just accepted the fact that you were for him, potentially the woman of his life. You couldn't suppress the feeling of apprehension and sadness, as each minute that passed reminded you of how much time you would miss, passing by at a crazy speed.

Sitting on large rocks on the beach, you both admired the beautiful sunset that was falling on this last day of vacation. Tomorrow, a new chapter would begin. So you wanted to fully enjoy your last moments with your secret lover, because you might never meet him again. Silence reigned, peacefully, while the sound of the insolent waves lulled your ears with a bitter melody. You hoped you could slow down time, or rather extend it, because he seemed so stingy and selfish about giving you a little more to even exchange your unspoken thoughts.

Suddenly, you felt the boy's gaze on you, a gaze so intense that you had to turn your head away to look at him the same way. A mischievous smile appeared on his thin lips, as he opened his mouth to say a few words to you. “You promised me a gift if I won my kart race. I’m still waiting for it, Y/n.” His eyes filled with mischief and impatience, as you remembered the promise you had made to him. He had won his karting race earlier in the day, and you had promised him a gift if he managed to win it. However, you didn't think it would be so easy, since you had secretly chosen a rather... surprising gift.

A kiss. Not on his cheek, his forehead, or even his temple. No, it was more than just a childish, awkward kiss. A real, quick kiss on his lips. You thought about it because, although you sincerely believed in Lando's phenomenal abilities, you didn't think he would end up on the top step of the podium so easily and quickly. And now you're in trouble. Lando continues to stare at you mischievously, still impatient to discover your precious gift. Your brain was no longer able to function, your heart was speeding up. Did you really have to go for it? Take the plunge and place your lips on his?

Lando's impatience and waiting were more evident, while you were still panicking inside. And then, that's when you understood. That there was only him in your heart, and that there was only one chance. Only one life to live it to the fullest, without regretting anything. That worst case scenario, you'll go home the next day, forgetting this stupid promise and action. That in the end, this vacation, this boy, and this kiss, will remain engraved as the most beautiful adolescent chapter of your life, and that you will remember it with full joy and nostalgia.

Then the next second, Lando was surprised to feel a pair of lips on his. The kiss only lasted a short second, yet long enough for him to feel a bunch of different emotions. His heart felt like it was stopping, just as his brain was trying to properly process what had just happened. A powerful, strange but sweet feeling came over the young British man. He had just received his first kiss, and even more so from the girl he loved desperately. As you pulled back to look into his eyes, his looked back at you, confused. But because he understood.

He understood that this was love. That he was destined to remain faithful to you, for the rest of his life, because that kiss was the promise that his heart would belong to you forever.

-

It's been a little over a week now since you and Lando got together. And these last few days have been filled with nostalgia, reunions and above all strong and intense emotions. After the Jeddah race, Lando asked you to spend time together. Finally, he secretly wanted to insinuate that he wanted to spend every minute of his time by your side. Like before, like eight years ago.

He had finally found his childhood crush, the woman he considered the love of his life, and so he wasn't going to let her escape so easily. Especially since this reunion made him rekindle these deep feelings that he had not lost, but balked at because he had come to the conclusion that he will never find you again. However, talking to you again, spending time with you made him feel the love he had for you, but so much more intense, so much stronger and more powerful.

He's never felt like this before with any other girl, he's never seen himself in this state. Completely and obsessively in love, desperate to receive your attention and stay with you. Finding you was a sentimental blow to him, while he found himself lost forever in your heart. Finding you sealed his heart in your hands for eternity.

“It was a great day.” You hasten to say as a pretty smile takes place on your face. The driver looks at you lovingly, as he nods his head in approval. “Especially when I beat you at karting. It was the best moment of the day” He teases you and you stare at him. "I drove into the barrier because you hit my kart with yours. It doesn't count" You try to defend yourself.

“It doesn’t matter, I still won.” He adds as you sit side by side on the warm sand of the beach. “Still as narcissistic as back then” You roll your eyes but don’t hide that teasing smile on your face. “Still the same Lando Norris that you loved so much” He adds, his eyes scanning the horizon in the distance.

You swallow with difficulty, a lump in your throat. “Loved uh…” You whisper to yourself. Raising your head, you are greeted by the sunset. A pretty sunset, the same one that accompanied you on that last day of vacation eight years ago. You can't help but feel this feeling of nostalgia, of happiness.

It's exactly the same pretty frame, and the same boy by your side. It reminds you so much of that beautiful day long ago. Your heart warms at the thought. You finally found the man you love so much, and you couldn't be happier than right now.

The waves play the same melody, but this time the melody is more beautiful. Brighter and strangely romantic. As you gaze at the clouds in the distance, you feel Lando's intense gaze on you. Exactly the same look he gave you back then. Then, as if you were rehearsing the same scene, like a play that you are performing to perfection, you turn around to lock your gaze with his.

And there, that famous mischievous smile takes over his lips. Eight years later, he has the same look, this smile that changed everything. "You forgot your promise again, like back then. I'm still waiting for it, y/n" His words hit you like a bomb. Because they are exactly the same ones he said to you the day you made that stupid promise to him. This stupid gift.

And as if you weren't stupid enough, you secretly thought of the same gift. You internally promised yourself that you would give him the same kiss if he managed to beat you in karting. And he did it, as if he had put all his soul into the race to deserve this surprise gift from you. You feel helpless as the same panic takes hold of you. Everything seems so unreal. This sweet memory will finally happen again.

You see his eyes drop to your lips for a split second. But it's that split second that changes everything about you. Now you know it's for life. That you found the boy of your heart, that you will never leave him again, even if he doesn't feel the same way as you. That you only have one life to regret nothing, and this childhood kiss you have never regretted. So you never want to regret it.

You smile shyly, and without him being able to do anything, you crash your lips onto his. Lando's eyes widen, but he finally realizes what's happening. And he doesn't wait any longer to move his lips to yours. But this time the kiss is totally different. It is no longer innocent and shy like it used to be. It's no longer a little kiss between two teenagers who promised each other a gift.

No, this time it's much more romantic. More intense, deep and passionate. It's so comforting and sweet. This kiss is the fruit of the unconditional love he feels for you. So, he continues to deepen the kiss, his hand delicately cupping your cheek while his arm comes around your waist.

He licks your bottom lip with his tongue before nibbling it gently, letting you completely devote yourself to him. He continues to kiss you passionately, but yet it's not vulgar or crude. It's a soft and pleasant kiss, where only love is exchanged between your lips.

You finally broke the kiss by pulling back, a shy smile matching your pink cheeks perfectly. He opens his eyes, a silly smile on his lips before quickly pecking your lips again. You stay like that for a moment, admiring each other for a long time, love in your eyes.

"I'm so fucking in love with you, baby. Not since yesterday, not since last week, no. Since ages ago, for so long that I've stopped counting." You smile at him tenderly, your cheeks still pink. "Me too, Lando. I've loved you since we first met."

He smiles wider as his arms pull you a little closer to him. "You know, you're the girl who stole my first kiss. And you're also the only girl who managed to steal my heart. My heart has been yours for eight years, since the very moment you took me kissed." You can’t help but giggle, which melts Lando’s heart. “I thought you stopped counting.” He scratches the back of his neck, somewhat embarrassed. “Let’s just say I kept counting because I was desperate to know when I was going to find the woman I love.”

In the meantime he leaned over you, until you were lying on the soft sand. “Every day you were gone was like a bullet in my chest.” “What a romantic, I’m almost going to get emotional” You tease, a mocking laugh coming from you. “Still as teasing as before” He adds, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

"For eight years, you were the only girl who never stopped staying anchored in my thoughts. From our first kiss, my heart already belonged to you, and it will continue to be yours for the rest of my life. I never wanted any other girl but you, and I waited so long for you that I'll never let you go. I love you so much, sweetheart” His words warm your heart, as you gently caress his face with your thumbs. “I’m completely in love with you too, Lan.” And in these last words, he rushes to kiss you again.

You feel like eight years ago, like the two idiots in love who stole their first kiss. Nothing has changed except the reality that reminds you that your love is bound for eternity, and that it will continue to exist because it is deeper and more passionate every day. That this is the present moment, and that your hearts are finally filled with happiness to have been able to find their other half, after so many years of desperately continuing to live without the presence of the other.

[wnbnny]

gone - b.c

genre: angst, breakup

synopsis: you shouldn't have married me. the words rang in your head, eyes widening ever so slightly as your fragile heart finally shattered like a piece of glass, the final blow delivered by chan's words.

word count: 0.4k (short drabble)

author's note: just a short drabble to keep y'all entertained while i write my longer fics:]

"why can't you just leave me alone??" chan was on the brink of exhaustion, and you nagging at him was not helping at all.

"chan-" you began, but was cut off by him almost immediately. "no! you tell me to sleep every single day, you call me 15 times in one day, you won't let me have even a single fucking second to myself!" chan's hands gripped at his hair as he yelled, gesturing around wildly.

"i just tell you to take care of yourself! you stay up until 3am in the morning, never eat and starve yourself, you never even say a fucking goodbye in the morning when you leave!" you yelled, lips wobbling as you felt all the pent-up emotions starting to expand, rising and rising until it was pushing against the walls of your heart and threatening to explode.

"do you know how shitty it feels to have a fucking husband that feels like a long-distance boyfriend? you don't even say goodbye, you come back at 4am every day, and i haven't even seen you in a month-" you stop, a sob threatening to escape, so you compressed your trembling lips into a straight line keep the tears in, though it was a futile attempt.

"well you shouldn't have even fucking married me then! i don't need a fucking second mother bossing me around every single second of the day! this marriage isn't even fucking working!"

you shouldn't have married me.

the words rang in your head, eyes widening ever so slightly as your fragile heart finally shattered like a piece of glass, the final blow delivered by chan's words. you could only stand in place, frozen and rooted in place, tears finally cascading down your face.

"wait- no, shit-" chan could only stammer as he watched your face fall, instantly regretting what he had just carelessly uttered.

"fine." one word, yet said with so much finality. the one word that broke his heart.

hand shaking, you brought your right hand to your left, finally twisting the small band encrusted with sparkling diamonds off. your wedding ring.

how ironic, that the symbol of your love would become the symbol of your separation.

you slammed the ring down on the counter, grabbed your coat and keys, and walked out the front door. he knew your heart was gone, the frayed rope holding your relationship together by a thread finally snapping with the sharp knife of his words.

you were gone.

[sleepytwilight]

Can you write about the sorcerers reaction to a summoner whos sassy and demanding but actually is really soft and gives the best soft kisses

(Don't worry i ain't gonna ask preg sorcerers...unless.....🥰 kidding)

Ik that's you Mari xD

𝔸𝕣𝕔𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕦𝕤

Oh dear you did give him a surprise when you first got into relationship with him.

To be fair he's quite anxious and insecure that he can't be the man you want in relationship.

Surprisingly, when you both are alone. You gave him soft kisses and cuddles with him.

He never thought he'll fell in love with you even though he's already in love with you.

Yes it's possible.

He feels like he's the luckiest man in the world right now.

He secretly brag how good kisser you are to other sorcerers.

Why? He just want to let them know you're the only person he want.

𝕊𝕡𝕚𝕔𝕒

He's always working and you demand for his attention. For once he put down his pen and wait for you to do something.. In aggressive way.

Well he did not expects soft kisses from you, he got flustered and accidentally spilled the ink.

For the first time in his life he didn't care about work and want more of your kiss.

Can you give him goodnight and good morning kisses?

You both have private study time since then.. Of course not in that kind of way-

ℙ𝕠𝕝𝕝𝕦𝕩

To be fair, he's a tsundere and he also demanding for you attention.

You both are so soft like real sweets.

Bickering is normal, the students already know you and Pollux are madly in love with each other.

Pollux kisses you softly just like the way you kiss him.

You both love each other so much, keep showering each other attentions.

So cute ♪ ♬ ヾ(´︶`♡)ﾉ ♬ ♪

𝔸𝕝𝕡𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕥𝕫

Why are you demanding so much from him? You know how lazy he is?

How did you both get into relationship again? Tell Me-

Okay, Alpheratz had enough and decided for you to do whatever you want. He's too tired to deal with the consequences.

Later he was the one who demand for your attention.

Why your lips are so soft? Why is he awake just for you to kiss him one more time?

He couldn't get enough, he wants more-

He regrets for being lazy when you and him first in relationship.

You sooner become his pillow because he want you to be his alarm.

What kind of alarm? The alarm that give him soft kisses at morning and gently wakes him up

Yeah, you both are so cute hehe

𝕊𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕦𝕤

He's not a fan of public affection. You should stop being demanding when he's at meeting or working- Pls he feels embarrassed-

He can't take it seriously when you demand him to be on bed knowing you were Polaris...

Okay once he's on the bed, hell- He feels like he's in heaven. Soft kisses from you? You're so unpredictable, did you know that?

Is this what Sirrah always got when he were in relationship with Polaris?

Sirius did actually enjoy this much more than he should.

He may be a little complicated whether you're still Polaris or not.

A while later, he realized he wants you. He just wants you, that's all. Maybe he could bring you happiness like the way you bring to him.

𝕍𝕖𝕘𝕒

Vega got red as tomato whenever you demand something from him. Do you have to be sassy and embarrassed him in front of his clan??

Dw, his clan like you. They think you guys are adorable couple.

It took him months to finally let you kiss him.

Hell his heart exploded when you give him soft kiss and gently hold him.

Summoner, congratulations. He's touch starve like Sirius and he's aware of it unlike Sirius-

Vega sometimes brought you to private room or area so you could have time together.

Can you compliment him? He'll be more gentle yknow

ℝ𝕚𝕘𝕖𝕝 for @tophatmaker

(I hope you're okay- since you said you received an anon ask??)

How did you two got into relationship? They can excuse Alpheratz but Rigel? What did you see in him?

Rigel is so cold in public yet you're here demand for your needs.

Everyone thought he got annoyed because he left after you got too demanding.

Little did they know, he's waiting for you in his room.

He's a bit awkward at first but he enjoy the soft touch and your soft kisses.

He let you take the charge, he don't want to hurt you after all.

Cute yet so demanding like you is his type.

[raekensluver]

beyond the horcrux

description: regulus black's death wasn't the happy ending you had asked for together.

pairing: regulus black x fem!reader

contains: angst, regulus' death, talks of the first wizarding war.

song rec: youth by: daughter- "shadows settle on the place that you left, our minds are troubled by the emptiness"

w.c: 1.4k

an: i'm sorry. i can't seem to stop writing angsty fics...

the room was filled with a suffocating silence, the kind that follows a storm. the curtains danced a solemn waltz in the early morning breeze, their shadows playing across the bare floorboards like ghosts of forgotten memories. the sun had not yet fully risen, but the faint light seeping through the windows painted the room in a cold, pale glow.

your eyes fluttered open, the heaviness of sleep clinging to your lashes like a veil. for a moment, you allowed yourself to believe it was just another ordinary morning. but the emptiness beside you was a stark reminder of the nightmare that had become your reality. the bed, once a sanctuary of warmth and love was now a cold, unyielding witness to your grief. regulus' side remained untouched, the sheets still held the faint scent of him, but the warmth had long dissipated.

with a deep, shuddering breath, you sat up, pushing the covers away. your eyes fell upon his rings on the bedside table, their gleaming surfaces mocking the emptiness of the room. they were a symbol of a promise now shattered, a future lost to the darkness. the weight of his absence pressed down on you, a physical ache that no charm or potion could ever soothe.

you swung your legs over the side of the bed, feeling the coldness of the floorboards beneath your bare feet. each step you took towards the window was a silent battle against the tears that threatened to spill. as you reached the sill, you pushed the curtains aside and gazed out into the dawning world. the sun was peeking over the horizon, painting the sky with strokes of pink and gold, a stark contrast to the bleakness that filled your heart.

the house was eerily quiet without regulus' comforting murmurs and the patter of his footsteps. it was a stark reminder of the life you had planned together, a life that was now as elusive as a wisp of smoke in the wind. you felt a pang of anger mingle with your sorrow. how could he have been so reckless? so stubborn? but you knew it was his fierce loyalty that had driven him to make that fateful choice.

you padded into the bathroom, the coldness of the tiles sending a shiver down your spine. the reflection in the mirror was a hollow-eyed stranger, a mere shadow of the woman you once were. you reached for the faucet and the water that filled the sink washed away the last remnants of sleep. as you splashed the cold liquid onto your face, you tried to gather the strength to face the day ahead.

the house felt like a tomb, each room a testament to the love you had shared. you wandered through the hallways, tracing your fingers over the photographs that lined the walls, pausing at the one of you and regulus, smiling at the camera. the joy in his eyes was palpable, and you wished with all your might that you could turn back time to that moment, to whisper in his ear and change his fate.

in the kitchen, you found the note he had left you, the ink smudged from your own tears. It was a simple message, yet it held the weight of his sacrifice. "i had to go," it read. "for you, for us, for everyone. i'll come back to you, i promise." but the empty chair at the table was a grim rebuttal to his words, a silent sentinel of his absence.

you made a cup of tea, the warmth of the mug a poor substitute for the warmth of his touch. each sip brought a bitterness that mirrored the taste of regret lingering in your mouth. you had tried to dissuade him, had begged him not to go. but his conviction had been unshakeable. he had to destroy the dark lord's locket.

you took the note with you into the living room, curling up on the couch where you had spent countless evenings with regulus, talking about your dreams and fears. the fireplace was cold, the hearth a silent sentinel of the warmth that used to fill the room. the ashes of past fires whispered of a time when hope had not been so distant.

as you sat there, the quietness of the house grew louder, each tick of the grandfather clock echoing through the emptiness like a mournful heartbeat. you knew you couldn't stay in this state of suspended animation forever. there were things to do, and decisions to make. but the thought of facing the world without him was as daunting as staring into the gaping maw of the veil.

you thought back to the moments of joy you had shared, the laughter that had once filled this space. the memory of your engagement was particularly vivid. his nervous smile as he slipped the ring onto your finger, the way your heart had soared when you realized the depth of his love. you had dreamed of a simple life together, free from the shackles of his family's legacy.

the two of you had talked endlessly about your future, about the children you would have, the adventures you would share. you had picked out names, painted mental images of a cozy cottage with a garden where your love could bloom without the shadow of the dark lord looming over it. but now, those dreams were as fragile as the porcelain figurines on the mantel, shattered beyond repair.

regulus had been so determined to leave his mark on the world, to break free from the chains of his family's fate. he had wanted to be remembered as a hero, not just as the younger brother of sirius black. the irony was not lost on you that he had found his redemption in the very act that had cost him his life.

the wedding plans lay scattered across the coffee table, a bittersweet testament to a future that would never be. the parchment invitations, now just a cruel reminder of what was to come. the guest list, with names of friends and family members who would now be attending a funeral instead of a celebration. the color swatches for the bridesmaid dresses, the menu choices, the seating chart – all of it now felt like a macabre joke played by a twisted fate.

you picked up a quill, the nib hovering over the parchment as you contemplated writing to the guests. but what could you say? that the groom was not coming back? that the love of your life had been claimed by the very darkness he sought to destroy? the ink remained untouched as you set the quill down, the words too painful to form.

the house-elf, kreacher, shuffled into the room, his eyes red and swollen from his own silent mourning. he had been with the black family for generations and had seen the worst of them. but regulus had been different, kinder. he had treated kreacher with respect, and in return, the elf had been fiercely loyal. now, he too bore the weight of his master's loss.

"missus," he croaked, his voice cracking with emotion. "breakfast is ready."

you looked up at him, the sadness in his eyes mirroring your own. "thank you, kreacher," you whispered, the words feeling heavy in your mouth. you had to keep going, for both of you. you had to find a way to navigate the minefield of your shattered life.

with a nod, you followed him into the dining room. the table was set for one, a single plate of toast and jam laid out with meticulous care. it was a stark reminder of the void that now existed where regulus should have been. you took a seat, more out of habit than hunger, and nibbled at the food. each bite tasted like ashes.

the day stretched out before you, an endless sea of empty hours to be filled with sorrow. but as you pushed the food around your plate, you felt a flicker of something else: resolve. regulus had died for a cause, and you would not let his sacrifice be in vain. you couldn't bring him back, but you could honor his memory by living the life he had fought for.

edited 8.24.24

[manifestingenius]

Why it's important not to always rely on void and putting your life on hold.

I haven't written posts for a very long time because I decided to focus on my present life. But I wanted to write this specific post.

After knowing about the void state I put my life on hold so much. I stopped doing 85% of the things I was doing before I learned about the void. It's embarrassing how I stopped caring about everything and was hoping and telling myself that I'm gonna enter the void this week anyway. Nothing really matters, right? I didn't answer to any of my seminars and colloquiums and barely studied for exams which lead me to losing my scholarship. I cried so so hard because I was angry at myself. I thought that I would enter the void in the summer so the exams and the results didn't matter to me. But I was so broken afterwards.

I never bought myself the things I wanted because I thought "I'm gonna manifest it all for free in the void anyway, why bother now?". I never went to places I wanted because I thought "I will have a lot of money to afford everything I want so why bother now?". I put all my focus and time on reading about void, reading posts on tumblr, trying all the methods and just hoping.

I planned to put videos on Youtube but was so shy and every day I was improving all the skills that were needed for me to be successful. I read a lot, I watched a lot of self improvement content, I watched lots of law of assumption videos, I took classes, in other words I was passionate. I was living. I put everything aside and became so lazy "Why even waste time doing all of this when I can have it all after the void?".

I stopped even trying to improve myself because I thought that I'm gonna manifest being my best self anyway. I was eating fast food 3-4 times a week and gained a lot of weight which made me insecure even more but I consoled myself that it's only for now, that I'm gonna manifest my dream body and everything will be fine.

I wanted to buy some makeup but didn't. I wanted to get laser hair removal for a long time and didn't. I wanted to hit the gym and didn't. I wanted to draw and make money out of it and didn't. And so much more. I missed out on so much and I regret it.

After I lost my scholarship I realized that I messed up a lot. Now I have some problems with a subject I failed and my mom has to pay money so that I can take the classes again. Now I can't afford anything because I don't have my own money, I can't go to work, my parents give me some money but it's not enough for my needs and wants.

I realized that my life became so miserable. 2023 was so wasted. One day I was asked what did I learn from 2023 and I couldn't answer because I didn't know. In 2023 I have only degraded tbh.

The saddest thing is that I was warned. I was warned by other people on tumblr to not put void on the pedestal and to not put my life on the hold. I ignored them all thinking that I'm not gonna be like them, I'm not gonna struggle as long as them. It's gonna take me much less time and everything will be fine. But turns out they were right and I made many mistakes. Turns out I'm still on my void journey even after 1 year and 2 months. I really thought it's gonna take me 1 month or smth. Funny.

After realizing that I need to change my life, I put void aside and focused on the present. I bought some things I wanted and I don't waste money on fast food anymore, I went to the gym, I finally got laser hair removal, I started eating healthier and lost 3 kg, I returned to watching self improvement videos on youtube and now I plan to draw and sell my drawings to make more money. I worked hard to pass all my exams successfully so that I can get my scholarship back.

From the outside it may seem that I forgot about the void or even lost hope but I didn't and I never will. I believe and know that one day I will become a success story myself. I even have a new upcoming post about my mini success (?) not sure if I can call it success yet 🤭

But anyway if you read all of this thank you. If my situation resonates with you I hope it helps you to not make these mistakes like I did and to not put your life on hold. Enjoy the present as much as you can, don't purposely make your life even more miserable. I love you all🫂💕🫶

[thoughtsfromlayla]

Chapter Four - Discordant

Summary: Morpheus seems to take a turn for the better, but a person cannot change overnight. How does it feel to finally give him a taste of his own medicine? How does it feel to go back to square one, once again?

Notes: ~6.1k words, Please don't stare at the eclipse with your blind eyes, I just didn't know how to write protective solar glasses into this AU ok

Warnings/Tags: Morpheus is trying, it's not working, two deaths of side characters, miscommunication/misinterpretation (?), reader gets their feelings hurt again cause I can't stop writing angst

Tag list is open! Just let me know :)

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Discordant (adj.) - not in agreement or harmony, to be at variance

How do you face Morpheus again after that? The simple answer is you don’t, well you try not to. However, when you go to breakfast the next morning, it’s a surprise to you that Morpheus is there waiting for you. Breakfast is less formal than dinner, yet here you were, sharing a meal with him right by your side. 

Tension is thick in the air, the only sounds are that of cutlery on plates. You chew your fruit slowly while consciously trying not to look at Morpheus. This was horrible; you need wine, or something to dull your mental ability so you didn’t have to be fully here. 

Your throat was still raw from the day before, and the food only seems to make it worse, scraping itself down your throat as you swallow. 

“I’m finished,” You rasp and go to stand from your spot.

“Wait,” He stands abruptly, the glass on the table rattling with the sudden movement. You’re determined to leave but his fingers grab onto your wrist.   

“What?” You frown at him, the warmth of his fingers spreading across your arm. 

“There is a gala coming up. The Summer Eclipse Gala, please will you attend with me?”

“Do I have a choice?” You ask, not meeting his eyes. Instead you stare at how he gently holds onto you. His thumb smooths across the tender part of your wrist when he answers. 

“Not really,” He says in a low voice. There was some regret laced in his answer, but you didn’t want to pay attention to that. 

“Then that is my answer.” You sigh as you turn away. Morpheus’ hand is still around your wrist and even with a slight tug, he doesn’t release you. “Let go.” 

“Should we… talk about yesterday?” He says hesitantly.

“What is there to say?” You reply back, your voice losing itself again at the very end. When your husband doesn’t answer, you pull your arm away more forcefully. This time, he lets you go.

“Precisely.” You leave, your heart pounding as you so easily defy him. 

The rest of the week was spent doing exactly what he had been doing to you for the past couple of months. Which is to say, avoiding him at all points possible. You try to hide in the library, but that proves futile as he easily seeks you out there. The studio and many bookshelves do little to hide you, ironically.

The only place he doesn’t dare find you is your garden. Even he could understand the importance of that sanctuary to you. And though the flowers certainly seem to enjoy the summer sun, you couldn’t say the same. The heat had started to become unbearable and it had been days since your last visit there. 

When he asks for you to dine with him, you decline and lock yourself in your room. Your stomach rumbles until Matthew sneaks you a leftover biscuit, but it was better than confronting him. At a certain point, embarrassment of letting your true feelings show turn to resentment once more. 

Why did he suddenly feel entitled to your time? 

“The King brought you this, Your Majesty,” Agnes says one morning as she enters your room. One of the maids holds a large box, decorated with a beautiful red bow. 

You take a hold of it, albeit a bit hesitant, and unravel the gift. When you lift the lid, you’re greeted with something you have never seen before. The dress was a beautiful golden yellow, with gems that represented the sun inlaid amongst the sweetheart bodice. Lacey loops come off the bodice in a delicate design that would wrap around your upper arms. The bottom skirting was decorated with glittering swirls and the fabric soft to the touch. 

“Oh! It looks lovely,” Agnes compliments with a soft gasp. She’s looking over your shoulder as you continue to stare at the dress. 

“Hmm, I can’t deny it either. It looks beautiful,” You sigh as you run your fingers through the soft fabric. Your fingers come across a piece of paper with a note. 

Please do me the honor and wear this tonight. Written in Morpheus’ handwriting. 

“And so shall you, your grace, when you wear it today,” Your lady’s maid hums.

Right… the gala is today. It seems your plan of avoiding Morpheus would have to come to an end. But, you still have the rest of the day to yourself, best to start savoring it. You start with a bath, with extra Natterhorn milk per your request, and something else to calm your nerves. After which, Agnes starts pampering you to get you ready for the event. 

Hands are grabbing at you at every angle, tugging, brushing, wiping. You felt like a marionette puppet as they direct you on where to step, where to hold your hands so that they may dress you accordingly. 

“Agnes,” You gasp as she gives you another sharp tug. “I request you loosen this horrid corset for my sake.”

“Apologies, Your Majesty,” She says, giving one last tug and tying the knot, more than less ignoring your request. 

In the end, both you and Agnes are huffing and puffing when you’re finally done. You watch as Agnes puts on a pair of white cotton gloves and reaches into a wooden box you didn’t have the liberty of noticing before. From it, she produces an ornate crown. 

It pairs with your dress nicely, a warm gold with white gems. The points of the head piece  were a bit excessive, but your inner judgment was cut short when you realized it was supposed to represent the sun. When Agnes places it on your head, you grimace at the weight of it. 

“Forgive me, Your Majesty, but it is part of the uniform,” Agnes apologizes once again as she notices your contorted face. 

“It is not your fault, do not fret. You did well,” You grunt as you step away from the mirror. Agnes is positively gushing as she looks you over. Her beaming increases as you give your compliments to her hard work. 

Despite the heavy crown, the dress itself was light and made for easy movement. Agnes opens the door and you follow the entourage of silver knights as they lead you from the comforts of your bedroom. Matthew’s presence settles your nerves a bit as you feel his protective presence three paces behind. 

“Are you excited, boss lady?” You hear him ask with a smile hidden behind his helmet. He had recently polished his black armor and you’re sure if you turn around now, you could see your reflection. 

“In all honesty, Matthew? For the event, yes. For seeing my husband again, no.” You pause as the unified metal footsteps descend to the first floor of the castle. “What of you?”

“If I get to see Jessamy again…” He says beneath his breath, quiet enough that you almost didn’t hear it.

You can see the sunlight from the entrance and you’re about to ask Matthew to repeat himself. However, the silver knights stop on the final set of stairs, leaving you standing at the intersection that leads to Morpheus’ wing. He comes down in time with your steps and meets you in the middle.

Morpheus is dressed in his typical black, simply more detailed than usual. He switches his flowing robe for an off shoulder cape that only reaches his mid thighs. His black tunic and pants were dusted with silver and dark blue, giving the illusion of the night sky at certain angles. Sitting comfortably on his head was a crown: silver with curving onyx gems that resembled the moon. 

He’s close enough now to take you in your full glory. The dress he bought for you was the correct choice. It hugs your figure in all the right places; the dress was, after all, altered to your size. When the fleeting rays of sunlight come through the large window, it reflects off your dress and illuminates you. The Sun only shares a portion of His light, but you’ve managed to take it and make it your own. 

“You look radiant,” He breathes the truth as he comes closer to you. You notice his finger twitch as he resists the urge to touch you. 

“Save your falsities for someone else,” You snap, surprising yourself even. The crown was way too heavy on your head for pretenses. 

“Very well… but we should at least pretend to like each other for the guests tonight.” Morpheus offers his arm to you and turns, the breeze from the entrance coming through the hallway. 

“Then let us begin,” You reply as you hook your hand to his arm. 

Crossing the castle threshold, the eclipse was already beginning to start. The trees rustle in the gentle late spring wind, its shades creating crescent shadows on the ground. You’re able to enjoy it from afar as the two of you walk the distance to the grand ballroom. 

Slowly, daylight surrenders to night and the nocturnal critters emerge from their slumber. Crickets chirp, fireflies float around you, and moths fan their wings in the moonlight. The smell of petrichor turns heavy once more as you reenter the castle, the doors opening wide with an announcement of your and Morpheus’ arrival. The silver knights part, Matthew leaves your side, as does Jessamy, as Morpheus leads you to the center of the ballroom. 

“Welcome, esteemed guests of the Dreaming. Tonight, we shall once again celebrate the astral lovers of Sun and Moon,” An announcer bellows into a horn. Cheers and unified clapping follow. “During Totality of the eclipse, we welcome you to witness the first dance of the night, to be shared with King Morpheus and Queen Consort Y/N.”

A fanfare plays and the crowd turns to the open ceiling, watching with shielded eyes as the moon slowly clips into place. Night dominates the sky, the moon blocking the sun except for the defining ring around it. Footmen scurry around as they quickly light the abundance of candles and chandeliers they could reach. 

The grand ballroom gleams with the light of a thousand crystal chandeliers as you and Morpheus turn towards each other. The light fractures and creates halos across the marble flooring and stone pillars. Morpheus bows and you curtsy low, and the action reminds you of your wedding night. Slowly, he clasps his hand over yours gently and a firm arm wraps around your waist. 

The string ensemble starts and you try to fight the smile that creeps on your lips as you’re easily pulled in time with his steps. Morpheus smiles as he studies your face closely. You're dancing once again.

The candle light seems to be absorbed into your figure as you glow under its warm light. Spinning hand in hand with your husband, you’ve long since given up holding back your smile. You’re grinning, radiant and warm like the sun. 

You and Morpheus glide across the ballroom floor, floating like stars amongst the clouds. He is fluid in his movements and leads the dance easily. You hold on tight as the lights begin to blur together, all together have you forgotten how heavy your crown was. To onlookers, the two of you were beacons of elegance and the definition of harmony. 

The music stops and you’re face to face with Morpheus, breathing hard. The sound of applause is muffled in the background of your mind. Morpheus looks pristine as well, perfectly composed as he softly gazes at you through starry eyes. You’re the first to break eye contact, the raw emotions he tries to show you too much for now. You can see that he is trying to be better, but after months of neglect, one dance is hardly enough to make up for it. 

Morpheus doesn’t try to hide his emotions, and with deflated shoulders, leads you quietly to the matching thrones at the front of the ballroom. There, they stand high and mighty, dark, and carved with intricate designs of stars and ravens. You see Jessamy and Matthew waiting for the two of you there and some relief returns to you knowing that Matthew would be there to watch over you. 

The roofless ballroom makes it hard to believe that it is only noon. Save for the ring of sun, the sky was casted in perpetual night. The stars make their appearance, as they always do, and accompany their moon, twinkling with admiration at viewing the people of the Dreaming early today. Even the critters of the night came out from their slumber, and if you listened carefully enough, you could hear their chirps and songs of night past the orchestra. 

The throne is stiff and uncomfortable to sit in. When you glance over at Morpheus, he takes to it easily, spreading across the throne like a lounging cat. His presence fills the space and it’s easy to see how he is so perfectly fit for this role. 

An emissary comes before you and bows, the lady on his arm following suit. He wears his best for the ceremony and when he speaks, it smells of rich alcohol and fruits. 

“Congratulations on your marriage, Your Majesties. As emissary of the Kingdom of Kreya, we wish you a wonderful Solar Eclipse celebration,” The man smiles at the two of you and you smile back.

You take another glance at Morpheus and see his jaw ticking in the low candlelight. A second passes and he still doesn’t respond. 

“Thank you, we hope to visit Kreya soon,” You reply instead. It has been long since you’ve heard a rumor of your failing marriage. At the very least it’s good to know that to people looking in, there was nothing wrong between you and Morpheus. 

This is what he wanted, was it not?

From his perspective, your urge to take control basked you in a new light that he’s never seen before. Your response seems to snap him out of whatever deep thoughts he had and a cough brings him back to the present. Or, if he wanted to be honest with himself; your presence brings him back to the present. 

Others follow in his footsteps, giving their congratulations, their salutations from their kingdoms, and other comments they wished to address to you. Morpheus and you take turns responding, each one vague and surface level. 

The last emissary was a face you knew all too well. Soft brown curls wrap around a kind face. She dawns on flowy fabric of white and gold and a cape made of olive leaves. Calliope smiles when she sets her eyes on you, and you hear Matthew’s armor clink as he attempts to move from his post. The promise he made early into your relationship is evident in his mind. 

A subtle hand rise from you was enough to stop him and the black knight settles back. The tension remains thick as she ascends the steps. She bows and speaks. 

“I congratulate the King and Queen of the Dreaming on their union. From Boeotia, my sisters and I give our blessings for a bountiful year.” Calliope speaks to you specifically, and even when there is no ill intention written on her face, something ugly deep within you dares not to look at her. 

The pain and suffering you had to endure, half of the reason is because of her. Your anger and despair leave you and instead reveal itself as its true form. Is it jealousy? Perhaps. You’ve long since stopped fighting it. Your bracelet tightens around your wrist once more, as it’s always done when it doesn’t agree with your thoughts. 

“Thank you…” Morpheus responds to her. It was your turn to respond, but you still couldn’t bring yourself to speak to her. 

Calliope opens her mouth again, as if to add something else, but stops herself after some hesitancy. It’s not before long that Calliope accepts the short answer and leaves you. An even shorter amount of time for a footman to come to you and Morpheus with goblets of wine that you all too eagerly grab at.

If it weren’t for your position, you’re sure you would be drunk beyond comprehension. It is a tradition of the celebration: to relieve oneself from their physical bodies and dance amongst the Eclipse. And you can only do that by drinking until your body can’t understand the physical world anymore. 

The dark wine glitters as you swirl it around in the silver goblet, and you feel the tingling sensation as it goes down your throat. Other nobles mingle with each other, the occasional ping of glasses touching echos in the large room.

Squinting, you notice a certain blond standing alone in the corner, his dark glasses still covering his eyes. He is talking to some other man, his charismatic smile never disappearing, even when he takes another sip from his glass. As if sensing your gaze, he turns to you and raises his glass in your direction. You were the first to break eye contact, taking another sip of your own drink. You see Lucienne and Hob enjoying themselves at the snack table, watching as Lucienne looks away when Hob stuffs several cookies into his coat pocket. 

The alcohol was potent, leaving you feeling light and dizzy, but a sudden commotion on the other side of the room leaves me sober. Yelling and clashing of metal against metal piques your interest as the ballroom doors slam open. 

“I apologize, we-we tried to stop him!” A silver knight huffs out, chasing after the man who barged in. 

A calm hand from Morpheus quiets him and the knight stops. The elderly man is still charging towards the two of you, dancers parting quickly from the marble floor as they watch. 

“Where is she?” The man asks—or demands, more accurately, standing strong in the center of the dancefloor. He wears red, unblemished armor that stands out like a sore thumb against the Dreaming’s more subtle colors. 

“Whoever you seek is not here, stranger,” Morpheus’ voice booms across the room. 

“You, Teleute, will bring back my dead son. I will kill you if it means I will get him back…” He bravely points at your husband, completely ignoring his statement. 

You and Morpheus share a quick glance at each other. Yours is riddled in confusion, what could this random man possibly want with his sister? Morpheus shares with you a more concerned look as he finally pieces together the information.

He recalls the conversation he had with the Corinthian under old moonlight about a madman named Rodrick Burgess. Briefly, his eyes meet with Corinthian on the far end of the room, who seems all the more pleased that his target has waltzed right into his grasp. The Corinthian had taken a small break in his chase so he could attend the festival. In the end, it seemingly works out for him anyways. 

“Are you challenging the throne?” Morpheus accuses, looking down at him. You hear the shifting of feet as Jessamy and Matthew squirm with anticipation. 

Morpheus remembers once more of his nightmare regarding this specific man and you. How you laid cold in his arms, blood blemishing each portion of your body. That no matter how much he wipes away at it, the blood continues to seep and stain into your clothes. His hand slowly ghosts over yours and covers your fingers. He feels the quickening pulse underneath his fingers and allows himself a moment of peace for your still beating pulse. 

“I am challenging Teleute,” Rodrick repeats. 

“Death of the Endless is not here. I will accept your challenge in her stead.” You’re not sure where the courage was coming from. Perhaps it is how Morpheus is gently holding onto you. Or, more likely, how the alcohol is coursing through your system. That seems to be the more logical reason… right? “Who do you wish to be your champion?” 

“I am my own champion, the Great Magus Rodrick Burgess.” He brings forth his sword, covered in elaborate jewels. 

“Sir Matthew?” You call, head held high. The weight of the crown is no longer an issue for you. 

“Yes, Your Majesty?” Matthew responds immediately. 

“You will be my champion.” You declare. “You will not disappoint.” It is your first order as queen. 

You watch with fixed eyes as Matthew crosses to the dance floor. The white marble is a stark contrast against his black armor. Your hand turns and interlaces with Morpheus’ as Matthew draws his sword.

It’s longer and broader than Rodrick’s and even before the fight begins, you know Matthew would be slower than his opponent. But your belief in him is strong and unyielding. 

The two knights face each other, their stances ready. Murmurs from onlookers hush around the room, the tension as thick as the wine they drink. 

Rodrick moves first, his impatience showing easily as he lunges for Matthew’s heart. Your champion gracefully steps to the side, bringing up his broadsword in a low arch to parry the attack. 

Blade against blade, the metals gleam in the low candlelight. The symphony changes from a string quartet to that of steel. The two knights dance around each other in the intense duel as both display their mastery of the blade. 

An unhonorable heavy strike to the head from Rodrick leaves Matthew dazed. It’s enough for the blunt of his blade to strike at the young knight’s helmet. You watch with an agape mouth as the force is enough to knock off Matthew’s helmet, the helm flying across the floor. Your grip in Morpheus’ hand tightens as the anticipation grows. 

Matthew is quick to be back on his feet, his black hair tousled from the fight. You catch glimpses of his determined face as he returns to the duel. Each block that Matthew predicts, each strike that he parries leaves Rodrick flustered.

Matthew notices, and when Rodrick was starting to lose strength, he advances with a series of long arching and forceful blows. You and Morpheus watch as Rodrick meekly holds his denting blade up in defense.

With a powerful kick to the chest, the Great Magus crashes to the ground, his sword falling from his hand as the last of his energy leaves him. Matthew advances still, dragging his broadsword on the ground. The teeth-grating sound of metal on marble igniting sparks. 

Your knight points the sword at Rodrick’s throat, panting from exertion. “Yield,” Matthew commands.  

“I will not!” Rodrick spits at him, pushing the imposing blade away from his throat.

“Yield!” Matthew shouts, bringing the blade back and pushing pressure onto the side of his neck. A thin string of warm blood follows the cut.

Rodrick looks around the room, conscious of how the people around him start to whisper about his loss. He makes eye contact with you and glares at his defeat. 

“I yield,” He says hesitantly as his eyes remain on yours. 

You swallow thickly as silver knights drag him out of the ballroom, your eyes following him. Rodrick was glaring at you until he could no longer see you, his cheeks still flushed from the duel and from the embarrassment of losing. 

You let go of Morpheus’ hand, wiping your palm against the softness of your dress to get rid of the excessive sweat that started to accumulate. You go to grab at your wine again, finishing the rest with large gulps to calm your nerves. The alcohol is quick to work its magic as it seeps into your system.

“Congratulations on your victory, champion,” You grin when Matthew comes back to your side. “Where’s your helmet?”

“I, uh, can’t find it…” He mutters, embarrassed. He scratches at his hair as his cheeks flush red. 

You smile once more as Matthew’s true personality shows itself again. He was quite young to be a knight, and his face had left the battle without any scars; a testament to his effectiveness. A server comes by and tops off the goblet with more glittering wine. 

Morpheus hovers a hand over his own cup as a silent decline for more alcohol. Meanwhile you were more than inclined to continue drinking. The excitement of the day is already taking its effect on you. When you set your drink back down, you notice that no one is enjoying the gala anymore.

They stand to the side, muttering to themselves behind open feather fans. No one is drinking, or feasting, and they share unsure glances with each other. The duel was a mood killer for the festivities. 

You take another slow sip from your wine, what should you do? You watch through slightly lidded eyes as Morpheus stands from his seat. His hand falls before yours in a silent invitation of another dance. Baffled, you silently stare at the upright hand. Morpheus wants another dance?

Should you? When a bird has been locked in a cage for so long, even when presented with the opportunity of flight, it often finds itself staying. It takes comfort in what the bird knows. The outside world is dangerous, after all. 

“Please,” He whispers when he notices you hesitating. You see his other fingers twitch against his leg, a tic that you’ve long since noticed he does whenever he is nervous. You place the goblet down and grab onto his hand lightly. One more dance wouldn’t hurt. 

Before you leave, you turn to Matthew with a smile. “You should go dance, too. You’ve done well to deserve it tonight.” 

Matthew all but perks up at your invitation, his eyes darting to Morpheus, who simply nods in approval of his request. 

The two of you take to the floor and amidst the onlookers and mutterers, for once, you only notice Morpheus. “I trust you,” You say slowly.

Morpheus nods before he places a gentle hand on your waist and leads the dance once more. The music is romantic somber as the two of you glide across the floor. 

Nobles and invitees around you stop whispering amongst themselves and enjoy the spectacle. Soon enough, more and more couples return to the dance floor. 

The orchestra is quick to change its tune and an upbeat swell of strings has everyone clapping and jumping around in a country dance. Your smile brightens your face once more as you witness how your small dance was enough to bring people together. 

You part from Morpheus as a new dance partner whisks you away for the next portion of the song. You grab onto your dance partner as you watch Morpheus spin with a new partner of his own, a soft smile gracing his lips as he witnesses your lingering gaze.

“Enjoying the ball, Your Majesty?” The new voice interrupts your thoughts. Your head turns to your new dance partner and you feel yourself jump in the middle of a spin. 

“Corinthian,” You greet curtly, smile dropping. 

“Hello again, Your Majesty.” He grins down at you, sunglasses still on. A silence follows and you’re desperate to change partners again.

“It seems you and His Majesty have started to become amiable with each other. I heard rumors that your marriage was in rocky waters.” He whispers into your ear as he spins you again. 

“They’re just rumors,” You lie again. 

The Corinthian hums, easily reading between the lines of your statement. “Well, well, would you look at that?”

Corinthian focuses his attention behind you and you turn to match his gaze. Couples waltz around you, but your eyes immediately seek out Morpheus. Your newly healed heart shatters as you watch Morpheus and Calliope spin across the dance floor. The two of them look beautiful together, her light colors clashing with his darker ones is a sight out of the romances you’ve read in your books. 

Were dance partners always supposed to be that close to each other? Their gazes lock with each other as they share private words amongst themselves. Morpheus says something that causes Calliope to smile, something that lights up her entire figure in delight. 

“Perhaps the rumors are quite true,” Corinthian chuckles. 

You let go of him as if he suddenly caught on fire. “I need some air… Please excuse me.” 

The Corinthian doesn’t try to stop you as you weave your way through the dancing couples. Before you leave the ballroom, you briefly overhear a conversation between Mervyn and Matthew. 

“Huh, I thought you were some beast with how you were swinging that piece of crap around. But you’re just some normal kid,” Mervyn scoffs as he lights another cigarette. 

Matthew scratches his head in confusion, the refound helmet rests between his arm and torso. It is liberating to not have to wear it for a while, and he can smell the food more clearly like this.

“Actually, I’m 1/16 pure Ravenfolk on my mother's side. Not so normal now, huh, Mervyn?” Matthew brags with a high head. 

“Pah!” The pumpkin man scoffs again, a cloud of smoke following him. “And Jessamy is pure Ravenfolk so what you got to say about that!”

You’re sure you see smoke steaming out of your knight’s ears and his face turns bright red. It’s a conversation you would have loved to entertain, but in your emotions, you don’t linger long. The door is right there and you escape from all the distracted gazes.

By muscle memory, your feet take you to your garden sanctuary. The summer sun is no longer an issue for you as the night wind calms your fraying nerves. You run your fingers along the petals of night flowers and watch as they sway in tandem with the tides. 

You take a seat on a nearby stone bench, watching the eclipse reflection in the small pond of your garden. An uncomfortable feeling like stone settles in your throat as you push down a hiccup. Silent tears still make it past your eyes. 

You wipe away your tears with the back of your hand as you silently berate yourself for always crying. Taking a deep breath, you close your eyes and try to relax your over eccentric heart. The rustling of leaves and citrus smell of flowers calm your nerves quite well. 

You hear a rustle that feels out of place and a presence behind you and you sigh deeply. 

“Not now, Matthew. I really just want to be alone,” You indirectly ask your knight for solitude. 

“Not Matthew,” The presence spits out the name and you gasp as you feel the cold metal of his blade against your throat. 

Rodrick.

How could you forget his voice? You don’t move as you watch him circle in front of you. The point of the dagger in his hands remains pointed at your throat. You swallow your nerves, the slight movement enough to scratch your skin against the sharp blade. 

“You embarrassed me. In front of all of your citizens,” Rodrick begins to monologue. It’s hard to make out his face in the dark light and the angle at which you sat, but the glare he emitted was easy to feel.

“No, you embarrassed yourself. Who told you killing someone else would bring back your dead son?” You ask to distract him. Your eyes dart around your space as you try to find a path to run away from him, or something that can hinder him while you find help. 

“The ruler I serve said so. And I believe in their word.” He continues.

“Who? Desire of the Endless?” You scoff as you look at his red armor. The lustful color and crest he bore on his chest plate was easy enough to piece together. “Have you ever considered your ruler is merely using you as bait?”

“They would never,” Rodrick says back in disbelief. The blade dips slightly for a moment as he backs away. 

You take that slight moment as your chance, grabbing at the layers of your dress and sprinting back towards the castle.

“Matthew!” You scream at the top of your lungs and you pray that it's heard past the music. 

Hedges and thorned flowers scrape at you and get caught in your dress. The sound of pounding feet catches up to you and a yelp leaves your lips as Rodricks tackles you to the ground. Your crown dislodges itself from your head at the impact and you’re screaming as you fight back as best as you can. 

His hands come around your throat and you grab at his wrist in panic. Rasping breaths leave you in huffs as he squeezes harder and harder. The edges of your vision start to go black as the lack of oxygen leaves your body wanting. 

“M-Morpheus,” You call out weakly. 

“No one can hear you now, you pathetic queen. No one can help you—”

The weight is lifted off of you abruptly and you turn on hands and knees as you intake as much air as you possibly could. You turn back around and stand on wobbly legs and watch as two silhouettes fight each other. One, you knew to be Rodrick but the other was new. The person was armor clad in silver, so it was neither Morpheus nor Matthew. One moment, Rodrick was standing, and the next he fell to the ground in a slump. 

“Come, let’s get you back to the palace, Your Majesty,” Your savior comes closer to you. The dagger that Rodrick had threatened you with is still in her hands. 

“Who are you?” You ask as she takes your hand and begins a fast walk away from the dead body. 

“You may call me Gault, Your Majesty.” Her pace is faster than yours and in your still shocked state, you fall to the ground. Gault turns around quickly and bends to help you up from the elbow. 

“Jessamy, subdue her,” You hear Morpheus' voice nearby. The sound of armor accompanying him. 

“What?” You question as you fall back to the ground. Matthew is by your side in no time, holding you up steadily. 

You watch with confusion as Jessamy holds both of Gault’s hands behind her back and kicks her knee in so that she kneels to the ground. 

“Forgive me, for not coming sooner,” Morpheus whispers to you. He unclips the half cape he wore and drapes it over your shoulders. Your abrasive run through the gardens leaves you more exposed than what would have been considered appropriate. 

“Wait, no, stop,” You interject as he returns his attention to Gault. 

Morpheus ignores you, insisting to himself that your ramblings were from shock. It’s obvious to him that Gault was going to hurt you. As soon as he noticed that you weren’t in the ballroom anymore, he was quick to leave the dance and come looking for you. 

To find you being hovered by one of his own soldiers with the weapon in her hand was evident enough in his eyes of treason. You looked horrible, your dress in shambles and thin cuts scattered across your body. 

“I was protecting the queen,” Gault states the truth slowly. “I had no intention of hurting her. I merely wish to keep her from harm.”

“Listen to her, my lord. Please, I beg you, she is speaking the truth,” You plead once more. The hold that Matthew has on you shifts from protection to restriction as you try to fight against him. 

Morpheus ignores you once more, and while your cries hurt him, bringing you justice will satiate the pain. “You do not get to decide what I saw with my own eyes. How do you think you should be punished for the attempt on my queen’s life?”

Gault pushes her head up higher even as the realization dawns on her. “I am not afraid.”

“You should be.” Morpheus stalks closer to her.

“I will rather die afraid than knowing I lived without truth, my lord.” You hear Gault whisper. 

Morpheus doesn’t bother with a response. The shadows of the eclipse seem to elongate his shadow as he paths closer to her. Your pleas once again fall on deaf ears and tears sting your face red. Your screams have turned raw in your throat as you helplessly watch.

In the darkness of the eclipse, you barely register the sound of Morpheus unsheathing Jessamy’s blade from her scabbard. You don’t see it, but you feel it—the sticky warmth of blood splattering across your face. The iron taste rests heavy on your tongue as your mouth falls open in a gasp. It mixes with the wine and creates a concoction that makes you dry heave in the grass. 

You hear it, too. As Gault doesn’t die from the first strike and her blood effectively drowns her as she tries to breathe. Morpheus swings again and the head thuds to the ground, her body following quickly after as Jessamy lets her go. 

Your scream echoes across the vastness of the night.

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

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Ah, Morpheus you walking red flag you. Also, I'm not going to lie, idk how to redeem Dream boy over here after this chapter cause wtf is this bitch on (I know I wrote him but what the fuck?)

Someone tell me I did good, it's summer and I no longer get academic validation

♡ Yours, Layla

Tags: @dnarez @arunawayheart @acdassenza @ella33 @karma-is-a-god @bluespecs14 @boo8008 @dragon-kazansky @i-voluntears @deniixlovezelda

[favefandomimagines]

my tears ricochet (j.t.)

Summary: after years of being at odds with Jamie Tartt, it takes one moment for the walls to come crumbling down

SHE'S BACK BITCHES you can thank Ted Lasso for the inspiration because I just couldn't watch the show and not write anything for Jamie Tartt

AN: angsty fluff is my go to so what better way to make a comeback than my usual. inspired by the scene where Jamie's dad comes into the locker room after the Man City match

"Jamie, why are you doing this?" You questioned your boyfriend of two years. He had just told you he was breaking up with you, completely out of the blue.

"If i'm going to go pro I can't have things from my past weighing me down. Not if I want to be the best." He said. You were stunned at his words.

Did he really believe that? Did he really believe you would weigh him down? "No, no, this isn't you. This is your dad talking. You promised me you would never hurt me, not like this." You replied.

"I lied then. We were kidding ourselves if we thought this would last after school. We're just kids, this was never going to be anything serious." Jamie rebutted. You scoffed at his words. You didn't want to believe that Jamie would actually feel that way.

"It was serious to me. It was serious to you three months ago when you said you wanted me by your side for as long as I'd have you." You replied. "I told you what you wanted to hear." Jamie said simply.

That was the figurative dagger in your back. You had to stop yourself from doing anything you'd regret in the morning. That being punching Jamie in the nose and dealing with the consequences of a fractured hand.

"Go then." You said through tears. "Y/N," Jamie started. "You want to go? Then go. But don't expect me to answer when you call." You snapped, slamming the door in his face.

That fight was four years ago and yet it still plagued your nightmares. The hurtful things Jamie said to you still playing through your head whenever you were ready to move on officially.

Sure you dated guys here and there, but the second you felt that it could become serious, hearing Jamie say he told you what you wanted to hear played on a loop.

You were angry he still had that much control over you. And your current occupation didn't help either. You had just started as the athletic trainer for AFC Richmond. Which meant you saw Jamie on a daily basis.

He tried to start a conversation with you, try to make up for the things he did but you never gave him the time of day.

It was your first official month at AFC Richmond and you had succeeded at avoiding Jamie at all costs. You'd either be busy, gone home early, or simply said no. All resulting in one of the other physios treating him.

He knew what you were doing. So that's why he had to corner you in the treatment room to even get face time with you. He walked into the room and closed the door, standing in front of it so you couldn't leave.

“What the hell are you doing?" You questioned. "You won't talk to me." Jamie answered. "Did you ever think that I had a very good reason for not wanting to talk to you?" You asked. "Y/N, Jamie started.

"You don't get to do this. You don't get to trap me in here and force me to talk to you. You made this decision and now you have to live with it. You can't just come back into my life like you didn't break my heart." You said with an eerily calm tone.

"That's not who I am anymore." Jamie said. "Well the person you are now, has to pay for the mistake of the person you were." You said.

You looked at him, signaling him to step aside so you could leave. the two of you just started at each other for a moment and it took everything in your power not to fold and fall into his arms.

But eventually he did move, letting you walk through the door. Jamie didn't have many regrets in his life but doing what he did to you was by far the worst thing and his biggest regret.

The night he broke up with you, Jamie let his dad get into his head, saying all of these things about how you'll bring him down. He can't go pro with a girlfriend from home. He'll get bored of you anyway, so he should just cut you loose.

Jamie didn't know why he listened to his father in the first place. His mother had told him that you would be the thing that grounded him when he finally had his big break.

He didn't have you, and he turned into a huge prick. And that day you were right, he was paying for the mistakes that version of himself made.

__

The match against Man City at Wembley did not have the outcome everyone wanted. Richmond lost and no one was feeling good about it.

You were packing up heat packs and resistance bands when the locker room door opened.

"Uh, Mr. Tartt? You have a visitor. Says he's your father." The security man said.

Instinctually, Jamie and you locked eyes, you gave your head a slight shake. Telling Jamie that seeing his father was the last thing he needed.

Jamie sighed before giving the man permission to bring him in. You despised Jamie's father. You always hated how the man treated his son and you hated how Jamie just sat their and took it.

Now, Jamie was allowing this man to kick him while he's already down.

"Hey, it's a tough one lads, it's tough one. But no shame to it, because you know we only ever beat everybody we play." Jamie's father laughed.

"You pups had no chance. And there he is, my son. My own flesh and blood. Poor Jamie, my son. Now, maybe I'm thinking, his heart's still in Manchester and that's why he missed that sitter in the first half. You absolutely balled it. You balled it. What were you thinking? I'm only kidding." James continued.

You tensed when he started shoving Jamie slightly. You weren't close enough to hear what was said, only hearing Jamie say "don't speak to me like that."

It all escalated so quickly after that. James turned around and began yelling at the team, shouting that they were amateurs. Jamie turned away from his father and James pushed him harshly.

Jamie turned back around and punched his father in the nose, hard enough to send him to the ground.

Before James could retaliate against Jamie, Coach Beard picked him up and escorted him outside.

For a second, nobody moved. It felt like everyone stopped breathing, just staring at Jamie. You included. You could see it on his face, he was about to break.

Roy started to move but you beat him to it. You wrapped your arms around Jamie and he was taken aback at first. But then he grabbed onto you tightly and cried into your shoulder.

"You're okay, I got you." You whispered to him. In response his hold around you only got tighter, like he was afraid you'd evaporate in his arms.

It wasn't the first time you had to comfort Jamie after run ins with his father. When he was playing football for the school team, his dad got on him about everything.

There were many nights where Jamie would sneak into your bedroom because he just felt better with you. You made things feel better, even if only for a moment.

After a few seconds of just holding him, he pulled away from you and neither of you had noticed the team dispersed.

"The team is probably waiting for you on the bus." You said, breaking the silence. "Yeah, yeah. You're right." Jamie replied. "I'll see you on the bus, Jamie." You told him as you grabbed your bag of supplies.

For the third time, he watched you walk away from him. But this time was different. Even after what he did, you were still there for him after his dad barged in.

That night, after you had driven home, got in your pajamas and sat on your sofa with a glass of wine, the last thing you'd expect was to have someone knock at your door.

And hell probably froze over because Jamie was standing on your doorstep.

"Jamie?" You questioned. "Can we talk? Please?" He asked, almost pleaded. You blamed your fatigue on you giving in so quickly, but you let him inside nonetheless.

"I let you down. That night at your house, I let you down." He spoke. "I-I let me dad control me and I did the last thing I ever wanted to do. You meant the world to me and I let you go. I'm sorry, Y/N." He added.

You didn't really know what to say to him after that. So you just took his hand and brought him to the sofa, where he sat down next to you.

"What you did really hurt me. I thought I did something wrong, like I didn't make you happy anymore. I tried to move on, I went on a few dates but every time I thought you were in the past, I just kept hearing what you said to me that night." You said.

"You didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve any of that." Jamie replied. "You're right. I didn't deserve any of that. But that's not who you are anymore, is it?" You asked.

"The Jamie I knew, the Jamie you were, would have never stuck up to your dad the way you did. I never understood why but I always supported you. But the Jamie you are now, you stuck up for yourself. You didn't let him bully you and I'm really, really proud of you." You continued.

"But you said-" He started. "I know what I said. I know I said that you had to pay for those mistakes. I was wrong." You interrupted.

"I love you, Y/N. I don't think I ever stopped loving you even though I definitely tried." Jamie confessed. "How about this? We start over. Let me get to know the new Jamie." You said.

A smile formed on Jamie's face as he held out his hand. "Hi, I'm Jamie." He said. You laughed lightly as you took his hand. "I'm Y/N." You replied, shaking his hand. "Would you like to go on a date with me?" Jamie asked.

"Yes, yes I would." You said.

And you did go on the date with Jamie. You learned who this new Jamie really was. He was kind, caring, still cocky as ever but he cared about others.

He had best friends in, Sam, Isaac and even Roy though he didn’t really phrase it like that. Jamie stopped letting the opinions of the world define him and only the opinions of those he loved and valued.

You felt incredibly proud of Jamie and this new person he had become and this Jamie was the one you fell in love with.

[sommerbueckers]

could we get a story where paige’s gf surprises her with her nipples being pierced

love your writing!!!!

thank you so much hon !!

Silver Surprises

one shot

I leaned back against the car seat, gently biting on my lip and tapping my fingers against the wheel.

I had gone absolutely insane.

An hour ago everything had been normal; I had opened my eyes to Paige's face nuzzled into my neck, but woken up to the feeling of it between my thighs. Afterward, I cooked breakfast for the both of us which we enjoyed snuggled on the couch together.

Now, I was returning home after doing the most anomalous thing I'd ever done. The idea had been floating around in the back of my mind for a while, but I had never actually built up the courage to do it. That was until I drove past a tattoo shop that displayed a large and rather inviting sign in the window, 'All piercings half off.'

Who in their right mind would pass up something like that?

I was slightly regretting my decision as I stepped out of the car, doing my best to stop my jacket from rubbing against my nipples. I locked the door and headed up to the apartment.

Paige was in the same spot that I had left her, brows frowned in concentration and Fortnite on the tv. She gave me a brief smile when I walked in, immediately going back to her game.

"Hi baby," I greeted, setting my keys down on the counter.

"Hey," she responded absently, fingers moving vigorously.

"You win yet?"

"No," she frowned, "these stupid fuckin' kids keep fuckin' killing me."

I snorted softly, walking over and sitting beside her. "Did you really just-"

"You! Yeah you little shit, I called you stupid!" Paige shouted, aggressively grabbing the mic on her headphones.

"Paige! You can't call children stupid," I said.

The two of us then watched in tense silence as her character was shot from behind, leaving her to become a spectator. She snatched her headphones off, throwing them to the side along with the controller.

"Fuckin' bullshit," she breathed out.

"Aw," I pouted mockingly, running my hand through her hair.

She playfully glared at me, swatting my hand away.

"Did the stupid children make you angry?" I asked.

She nodded, "Yeah."

"You need somethin' to cheer you up?"

A smirk found its way to her face and she narrowed her eyes, "I think I do."

"Good," I smiled brightly, "because I have a surprise for you."

"Yeah? We tryin' somethin' new or...?"

I thought about it as I stood up, was it really something new? Paige absolutely loved nipple play, but mine were never sensitive enough for me to actually appreciate the attention she gave them. Now, with how sensitive they'd be from the piercing, it opened up a whole new world of possibilities.

"Not exactly..." I smiled, beginning to unzip my jacket. "Same old tricks just...with a new edition," I slowly pulled it open, "two new editions."

Paige's fingers gripped the edge of the couch in anticipation, her eyes trained on my chest as I let the jacket fall to the floor. She wasn't even listening to me by the time I had gathered up my words. "Remember how I had been telling you I wanted to get my nipples pierced, well I finally grew some balls today."

Paige was silent...silenced, her eyes bulging from her head. At first her reaction had elicited a laugh from me, but the longer it dragged on, the more self conscious I grew. I couldn't tell if she liked it or not. I brought my lip in between my teeth, shifting my gaze to anything else in the room.

Paige cleared her throat, "You- That- hm." She fell silent again, hand covering her mouth in a. thoughtful way.

"You don't like it do you?" I asked, shoulders dropping slightly.

The blonde frowned, standing and walking over to me.

"'Scuse me? I fuckin' love it," she laughed. "Can I touch 'em?"

"Yeah but be careful, like really careful."

"Yeah, yeah."

Paige softly reached her hands out to touch each nipple, first touching the area around them before running her thumb directly over them. A light gasp filled the space between us partially because of the slight pain and partially because of how good it felt.

Something in Paige's eyes darkened, and her tongue darted across her lips the longer she touched them. I felt myself leaning into her touch, my hands finding her biceps to keep her close.

Suddenly, her lips were on mine.

"You're so fuckin' sexy," she murmured.

"Yeah?"

Hands traveling down to my ass she said, "Yeah. Jus' wanna touch you all day. It feels like Christmas."

I laughed, "Well take me to the bed and put the star on top."

Paige paused for a moment before her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What does that even mean?"

"Bitch I was trying to be sexy!" you slapped her arm, "Go along with it."

Laughter flooded the room as she lifted me up by my thighs and carried me into the bedroom.

God I fucking love this woman.

[yeahspider]

BITTERSUITE 🌀

Ve's note - angsty and sexy just how i like it. im sick off my ass and eating animal crackers a s i write this but i feel like thats when i work best. hwang hyunjin x gn!reader no warnings this is pretty tame all things considered. hope you enjoy this installment in the series !! link below to read the other parts. lightly proofread (sorry not sorry give me a break I'm sick) love yall xoxo

HMHAS MASTERLIST

this wouldn’t have happened if you’d grabbed your umbrella before you left your room. now you are sitting on a bus stop bench hiding from the rain. you blamed it on him, always bringing rain and storm clouds in his wake. your phone went off- it could only be one person.

what are you doing sitting in the rain

this can't be how you spend your time now

kinda pathetic

you looked around not shocked at all that he was sitting on an identical bench on the opposite side of the road . he always had a way of finding you . it’s like there was a red string tethering you to him . his inner navigation always leading to you .

you blocked his contact . you didn’t want to deal with him. you just wanted to get home. your action just made hyunjin smile. always so cocky. always finding you amusing.

nothing was amusing about your relationship . about the way he tethered you along for months . feeding you empty lies . comforting you with open arms that wrapped around you and tied you hands behind your back . bound is what you were . to the evil that was hwang hyunjin .

you watched as a bus stopped in front of him, relief filtered through you once the bus drove off and he wasnt at the bench anymore. maybe he wasn't there at all. he had a habit if popping up at your low points. settling back in the bench youve becom e so familar with , you start browsing through your gallery . A feeble attempt at wasting time. A certain picture stopped you in your tracks. It was of you and hyunjin, from the begiining of whatever you guys were. His hand wrapped around your front gripping your throat as he kisses the lower part if your ear. A frown makes its home on your face, yiu look so happy - you were happy.

"oh, i love that pic mind sending it to me". you hear from above your shoulder. how predictable he was.

"What do you want hyunjin?" you asked in malice. you didn't want to speak to him right now. the wound he created in your heart all too fresh and steady leaking. you couldn't do this with him right now. all you had wanted was to get something from the gas station. you weren't mentally prepared to deal with him or his stupid smile.

"Now who says I want anything? Maybe I just missed you." his tone is so sickeningly sweet you almost fall for it. almost. You intend to trace your steps back to your hotel room by getting up and stepping out of the safety of the bus stop. quickening your pace to avoid whatever conversation he wanted to have. you could hear him following, his step in time with you. It wasn't like you could hide from him. The suite your staying in he paid for. His attempt at giving you the space you wanted, but within his unrelenting reach. A part of you rejoiced at his effort, his show of care, which was infrequent throughout your time together.

the chase ensued as you stepped into the hotel lobby and up the elevator. standing in front of room 320. turning quickly to face the tormentor of your dreams. you took in his appearance. Soaked from head to toe yet still undeniably beautiful drops slipping from his hair and landing at his feet. you can still see the man you fell in love with. underneath all the layers the world forced him to wear. you took a deep breath hoping you wouldn't regret your next words.

"you can come in until the rain stops...I have a set of dry clothes you can put on," you said as low as a whisper. which of course he heard. for all his shortcomings he always did hear you. That smile that causes a bittersuite taste rises in your mouth spreads across his face. you'd always let him in, your heart was his home after all.

[bluehourbucky]

Moving on

pairing: matt murdock x f!reader; exBucky x reader

summary: what happens after the break up <part 2 of  Question...? > little bit of Buckys side how he's feeling ; reader moving on; happy ending?

tw: cheating, f bomb <few times but oh well>

a/n: really wanted to write part 2 for Question... so here it is!!!  but this can be read as a standalone/ sorry this is my first time writting for matt I hope I did him justice!

[ masterlist ]

It's been a bit over a year since Bucky and you broke up, and Bucky has been miserable.

Ever since you two had broken up the team had been giving him a hard time, especially Natasha, she has  unfortunately lost a good friend.

You didn't want to stay in contact with anyone since everyone pretty much knew that he was cheating, but didn't bother to tell you. To be fair, they did try to make Bucky confess,  and he said he would, but that didn't happen.

It was for the best to leave everything behind that connected you with Bucky, including people, no matter how much it hurt you.

--------------------------------------------------

2 months after the break up

"This isn't what I signed up for."  Sharon says, while putting on her clothes back on.

Bucky stands up from the bed, grabbing her hand to stop her from leaving. He stupidly said that he wanted an actual relationship and not whatever they were doing was.

"Even If I wanted a relationship I would be with someone else. You're just a good fuck nothing more, thought it was obvious." she pulls out her hand out of Buckys.

"Besides, your performance has been lacking since you've become single, liked you more when she was waiting for you and you were in my bed."  

The doors close behind her, and Bucky gets a flashback of you leaving. He remembers your teary eyes, broken state, which he has caused. There's nothing more that he regrets more than hurting you.

Bucky, only when you were gone realised what he had lost. You had taught him what it feels like to be loved unconditionally. And he fucked up, majorly and he won't ever forgive himself. But oh, if he could, he would've turned back the time and prevented himself from making the biggest mistake of his life.

Now he lays in bed alone, wallowing in self pity, wishing he could hold you just  for a minute even though he knows he doesn't deserve it.

------------------------------------------------

present day

"Guess who?!" you ask while covering your boyfriends eyes, leaning on his shoulders. He was waiting for you to arrive to pick him up for date night in front of his office.

"Darling, I don't know if you're aware, but im blind so you don't have to bother with covering my eyes." Matthew, let's out a laugh and removes your hands from glasses.

You knew you had no chance of surprising him, so this was more for your entertainment only. When he turns around, he hugs you and gives you a quick kiss, and your heart does a little flip that you didn't think you'd feel again.

"Thank you for not turning around even though you knew I was coming from miles away." Matt could sense you from afar because of his senses, he could've turned around any time, yet he didn't, which you appreciate.

"You really thank me for the littlest things, sweetheart." he gets a hold of your hand and gives it a squeeze.

You don't know what it is but you might be a magnet for superheroes. When you moved to a shitty apartment to get away from super heroes you didn't expect to move right next to one. But you couldn't complain Matthew has been an incredible friend and boyfriend. Soon it's going to be 7 months of you being together and you couldn't be happier. When you think about how you felt when you first met him, and how you're feeling now, it's so different. You can't help but feel lucky that he's in your life.

"What are you thinking so hard about now, it's date night and you know the rules of date night."

"Nothing. Let's go I'm starving, and I know for a fact you forgot to eat, and you said you would work on it!" you scold him for who knows what time. Matt is a workaholic and you're okay with that, he makes time for you always but what bothers you is he sometimes forgets to take care of himself.

"And how would you know that, darling."  right after he says that he follows it up with "Foggy told you didn't he."

"Maybe." you teasingly say even though that's true, you occasionally check up on Matt when he's not responding to your calls.

It doesn't take long for you two to arrive to the restaurant, the route had been taken countless of times. As the door opens, you smell all the delicious food you're about to devour. Your stomach grumbles at the smell, and Matt chuckles, running a circle on your hand with his thumb.

"Wanna take it home? I know it's a lot." you whisper, knowing that a lot of noise and smells can make him feel overwhelmed, that's why you usually eat at home.

"If you want we can stay. I really don't mind it's just couple of hours." Matt the sweetheart he is, always puts you first.

"Nah, it's fine I'd rather we eat at home."

As you were waiting for you food to be prepared you talked about how your day was, asked about his, you weren't big on pda but you sneaked in a few kisses because how could you resist this beautiful man.

Once the food is ready, you take it and as you leave the restaurant you crash into someone.

And when you look up you just freeze.

Even if Matt didn't have super senses, or hear your heart beat he would know something was wrong. He didn't sense any danger but whatever or whoever was in front of you was making you upset.

"Uh hi." Bucky awkwardly says, It's been over a year since he last saw you and he was having trouble processing what he was seeing.

As soon as you noticed that he was looking at your interlocked hands, you quickly dropped Matts hand. You don't even know why, you weren't doing anything wrong.

"Hi, how are you?" you awkwardly said, picking up Matthews hand once again for comfort, he instantly sqeezed it letting you know that he was there.

"Fine. You? Team misses you." Bucky cringed at his words.

"All is well. Thanks for asking. The team has chosen the side when they decided that I didn't deserve the truth." you flinched, remembering how no one bothered to tell you what Bucky was doing, even though they knew. It's not like you blamed them for his cheating, but you didn't need friends who let you get cheated on for months.

Matthew could tell from the short interaction that this was your ex-boyfriend, the asshole who cheated on you.

"Hey. I'm James." Matthew knew that James had put out a hand to shake, but he didn't bother shaking it.

"Yeah right uh I better get going." Bucky scratched the back of his head with the hand he reached out to shake the obviously blind man's hand. He needed to leave as fast as he could to stop embarrassing himself.

"You okay?" Matt asked you when you got further away from the restaurant.

"Not really, but I will be. I was just surprised you know, I didn't expect to see him. He really hurt me and I haven't talked to him since I left and I-" you took a deep breath trying to calm yourself not wanting to cry in the middle of the street.

"He hurt me so much, and I'm unable to hate him. He was my first real love, and what he did made me feel awful about myself, but I can't bring myself to hate him. What's wrong with me? "

Matt was the first person who was there for you after the break up, and you didn't really expect to date so soon after having,who you thought was the love of your life, break your heart. He was a stranger, first, neighbour, then a good friend and finally someone who you now called lover.

"Darling... Nothing is wrong with you. It's okay to have so many mixed feelings. The thing he did is really fucking shitty, but that's not the only thing he did. You two had been together for a long time and been through so much, he's not just some guy you never cared about so you could hate him."

Matt wipes a tear from your cheek and you look up at him, both because what he's saying means a lot and because he swore and you don't hear him swear that often.

"I do hope he knows what he lost. You're such an incredible woman, a force to be reckoned with. And the love you offer is not to be taken for granted. I know we haven't been together for long, but It was so easy to fall in love with you."

By the time he's finished your fully crying into his chest, because you really needed to hear that.

"Thank you for saying that. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry I can't say it back right now." You liked Matt a lot you really did, but you weren't ready for the L word yet.

"No need to thank me. And that's okay I'm not going anywhere, I understand. Now let's go home our food is getting cold." Matt takes you by the hand and leads you home.

--------------------------------------------------

Bucky walks home the long way. He really wasn't ready for seeing you. He didn't realise how much he missed you and didn't expect that it would hurt so much seeing you with someone else.

Worst of all, he could tell that the guy you were with meant a lot to you, and that he was your safe place. When he saw how you reached for the guy when you needed comfort. That's what you used to do when you were with him too.

Bucky wondered if that guy knows how lucky he is to have you because Bucky didn't know until he lost you. He'll never forgive himself for letting his insecurities make choices for him. If he had only believed you that you wanted him forever. If only he didn't let himself spiral and convince himself that you would leave, maybe, just maybe he would still be the one holding you.

[The End]

a/n: I really hope you enjoyed reading this I had fun writing it <3 Let me know your thoughts! How are you feeling!

tags: @pattiemac1

[gorjee-art]

It happened slowly, yet steady. At first, it was memories and words that seemed to escape the lamb. Their thoughts ever circling softly, around their duty. Jokes and laughs became fewer. Joy and merriment seemed to disappear. It wasn't until they stopped to recognise their own name that they felt haunted by something ominous. A ceaseless pull towards ruin. A temple once divine laid barren and wasted. A single promise made... now forgotten. Nothing could have prepared them for the feeling of their own body becoming their tomb. Like a drop of water will hollow out a rock. It was a slow... yet stedy process. All the while, the one who waits... could just watch. A face who once inspired, frozen cold. Into a mask. Words that could sway your heart, now gibberish. Out of order. Their memories, once great comfort to one's mind... now a painful reminder of what has been lost.

Your art inspired me to a little writing and how I can't help to think of the agonising process of slowly losing yourself and for those around them. Kinda like dementia.

'Round the bedside, the soft velvet sinks where Narinder sits, head in hands lost in thought beside their leader. Laying bedridden, a haunting gaze sits glued on Lamb's face as they stare up at their tent, their crimson eyes tracing the golden trinkets and ornaments hanging adorned up above as if it was the night sky, clinking as they bumped into each other, twinkling as it reflects the soft glow of the sunlight peaking from tattered cloth. Many followers had come to peek at the tent to no avail, as the loyal disciple's cold tired stare told them everything that was needed to be known. The heat of the summer sun, the nauseating incense stained on everything, along the buzzing cicadas outside this blasted tent, were nagging at Narinder. What was meant to be a moment of solace, of peace, became an unbearable assault on his senses. He could feel his heart knocking at his ribs, pounding with the further progression of stress, with his wandering, wavering, mind. He felt as though he was going mad.

He pulled at his face, claws digging into his cheeks lightly parting heavy lids from his bloodshot eyes. Turning slowly to look at the lamb, only to quickly regret this choice, he choked a shivering groan and returned to his original position, eyes shut tight. Years. Thousands of years, of work, and knowledge of what was forbidden was required, knowledge that mortals could only dream of having, that they killed for. In the silent pits of the underworld, where the sands of time are eternal, he bided his time, to think, to learn, and observe the world that sat above him out of reach. With all this time...he still had no idea of what to do in this situation. No plan. Not a single clue. Of what was happening to someone he deems as a dear friend. He couldn't even stomach looking at them, grief was a feeling long forgotten in those years of solitude, and thinking of himself above such futile emotions was quickly proven wrong.

The noise of summer, the stench of blessings, the heat clawing at his skin...All too loud. Rising from the lavish silk beds, he desperately tried to calm his racing mind, clinging to his chest to slow his breathing. His eyes wide, full of madness and cindering rage, boiling beneath the surface. He became desperate for some fresh air, wiping the sweat from his face, disgusted once he felt the horrid matted and damp fur on his neck, his hand grasping at the entryway outside. Only for his prickled fur to rise, he hissed at the blasted bells as they clattered at the response of the harsh tug at the cloth. It was so loud, everything was so horribly loud, the noise could wake the dead, and then-

There was a laugh.

Narinder froze still. The sounds of nature became hushed. He blinks, and tries once more...to look at his leader. To see a smile and a face being buried in pillows, attempting to muffle an unknown sound. "Ita etiam, ego te slishu..."

"Lamb...?" He whispered to himself in a desperate plea, but there was no response. At least. Not to him. "Allo te," Lamb yawned in playful annoyance.

Gobsmacked, Narinder observed Lamb speaking in a dead language. It was soft but strained as if they just woke up from a gorgeous sleep. They rubbed their eyes, and lent out their hand, twiddling their fingers as if beckoning someone. Despite Narinder not understanding a single word of their gibberish, it was obvious that Lamb was cooing at an invisible creature. "Te vu stika? Mrow tü destrüir a te ura? Naglia sillabla..." They began lazily petting the air, clicking with their mouth. Narinder could somewhat understand what they were saying...something about...a silly animal? Disturbing their peace...? Or is it hour? His mind couldn't be trusted at this moment, but he knew what it was. The tongue of the lambs, it was ancient but it lived on in very few who conversed with the people. The culture was dying alongside the newborn god, but to see a glimpse of what can be considered a memory. Ached.

Lamb pulled their sheets aside and stood from their bed, stretching their arms, bones crackling. "No...What are you doing?" he hissed, "You're ill! Stop!"

But his pleas were ignored with furthering gibberish. "Uschia looh tge fas, Amir...Ego malavair gulae tuae spolia..." Lamb chuckled softly, reaching out for their precious shepherd's crook. "Tge qvai pensas habere prandium.? Uovs?" the crook's bells jingle softly as if a warm greeting. Lamb lightly bats the wooden crook against their temple, gently attempting to wake themselves up for the "morning". Narinder shook his head in disbelief, hoarsely whispering "Please" and "Lie down" in a hellish loop as Lamb began singing, clumsily opening the "door" with no knob, passing through the cloth and into the village. Haunted by the image, his claws shook, he saw what might be the last of the lamb's understanding. Staring into nothing, he felt his chest tighten hearing the hushed horrified gasps of the followers outside. He didn't know the language, but he knew that song, the song that every lamb knew, and sang in their tongue before their deaths.

"Oh the Joy, We dance our lives till Spring." "Oh the Joy, The roads are gone, but I've stayed." " There is no Morning Star, There is no Morning Star." " Lo, a burning light appears, Hope is burning bright and near." "I work my day, to feed and pray." "Sleep the night, I dream of love." "Oh, my mountains and valleys." "Protect this land from harm."

They've sung it straight from the heart.

...followers were inspired.

[jhuzen]

I hate that tumblr has turned me into a Dottore simp...

But now I can't stop thinking about Dottore with a boyfriend with ADHD. Would he make notes?? I also think it would be extra hilarious if the reader was his lab assistant, like-

Dottore: How the hell did you get this done so quickly??

Reader: I haven't eaten, drank or moved from my desk for the last 12 hours.

-Morax

to worry a physician [m.reader]

morax anon and i are so in sync in the simping game, it’s beautiful. this is why ily. this was hilarious to write LMAO. so here’s another quickie for you. also don’t imitate dottore’s methods, he’s a lil unhinged 😔

𖦹 slightly suggestive in the end (again do not imitate dottore’s methods), a brief use of dottore’s real name

“H-Hey now… let’s not… jump to certain actions that we might soon regret…”

The cold metal was difficult against your back, you felt like a slab of meat hurled on some form of metal chopping board. You tried to get up but your beloved was quick to push you back down.

You winced as the buckles tightened around your body.

“You know how much I despise hypocrites, [Name].”

Suffice to say, it was a miracle that you were the last man standing amongst the myriad of assistants that the infamous second harbinger have been given. He went through all of them like a child digging into sweets ferociously, sometimes even quite viciously tearing them all apart limb from limb.

And yet somehow, you were the odd one out. You somehow managed to even keep up with the asinine nonsense that Dottore prattles on and on, writing down notes that you can barely organize either because your master is already jumping on the next topic, that or simply because there are tendencies of you forgetting to do them.

But even that didn’t trip you up. Because by a shot of luck, the harbinger found himself curling into your presence and starting to appreciate your efforts to a certain degree. He’s merciless, but he’s grown lenient on days where you are completely restless. Dottore may be cruel but he’s not a hypocrite.

Perhaps it is why you’re proudly wearing the title as Dottore’s far more favored being than the rest — his dearest beloved, a promised love that Dottore could never bother to share with others. He was possessive, that’s for sure, and he will keep you away from anything and anyone, even from the many segments of himself. It was hilariously pathetic, it’s like seeing a cat get so terribly territorial — only that it’s the very same cat that can lobotomize you in a split second if you so much as screw up any of his work.

However, it was as if it was innately built in you to catch up with him. It’s why Dottore finds you so interesting and remotely entertaining — the fact that you can barely make an organized effort on certain things, but when it comes to him, you’re all ears and can fulfill just about any task he has given you. Truly, you are his pride and joy and there can be no one in this world that can even refute that in the slightest.

But even Dottore can be extreme in his expression of affection, often toeing the threshold between something wholesome and adorable to something completely insane.

And aren’t you just the klutz, making the poor doctor worry.

You knocked on the door before entering — Dottore already told you to come in regardless, considering that you’re the only he has given his permission to do so. But still, you were his assistant, and even as his boyfriend, you still held a high degree of respect to the man (lest you barge in on him on his bad day and end up becoming a lab rat).

“I got what you asked for.”

Tearing himself away from his work, the doctor turned to you, half of his brain still very much attuned to the poor monstrosity of a cadaver that he just recently hacked away and toyed with, “What did I ask for?”

“Uhh… well, financial expense report for your Balladeer project in Sumeru, some relevant literatures for your current… cadaver endeavors, the new assignments that you got from the Jester that you somehow managed to push on me, the letter from Sumeru’s grand sage that you kept on whining about, and some samples that you asked from some poor unfortunate soul out there.”

Dottore’s eyes narrowed as he retained all the errands you’ve listed. Only for him to turn to you, a look of complete skepticism plastered on his temporarily unmasked face, “…That’s everything that I asked you to do.”

You slowly nodded, “…Yes? Is… something wrong with that?”

“I have made precise calculations of the average arrival of every single thing that I asked from you. A good half of them would have taken you a few weeks at most.”

“…Yes, well aware of that.”

You suddenly felt your poor tie getting yanked down as you came face-to-face with your normally unhinged lover, “Are you slacking on me? Are you cutting corners? You know I have no tolerance for such things.”

“Wait, dear— my tie.”

“I believe that head of yours should be the focus of your concerns, dear.”

At this point, resistance was futile, so you merely gave in with a sigh, carefully placing the basket filled with every single thing that he asked for. Dottore gave a side glance at your submissions, almost taken aback by the mountainous height of the papers you’ve stacked.

Still, while he may be lenient on you on certain things, he knows and expects that you above all are aware of the fact that he highly prioritizes his work. He still has to keep you in line after all if you’re starting to slag on your duties as his assistant.

“This is suspiciously early. It’s only been four days since these assignments. What did you do?”

You laughed a little, “You know I would never jeopardize your work, Zandik. I’d rather be six-feet under than even consider that in the first place.” The way his red eyes glowered, was enough to make you feel small, “…I… swear it…”

“Talk.”

“I only had to cut out a few unnecessary things on my schedule so I can focus on my tasks… like… sleep or… meals. Just… a couple, I promise.”

That wasn’t true. It wasn’t a deliberate cutting out. It’s only that you’ve fixated on your work and that you were always itching to be on the move that you completely lost track of your time and ultimately screwed with your time frame in eating and sleeping. You barely ate and barely slept and your stack of work was the testament of that.

What. Dottore blinked slowly as his brain processed the information you so very generously dropped on him. You, in your efforts of focusing on your tasks… had managed to cut off the only very reason why you’re even alive in the first place. The most necessary part of your day, which now somehow was deemed as otherwise, was cut out of your schedule just to do his work.

Dottore has discreetly admired your dedication as his assistant, and quite frankly that was the reason why you’re still alive and still sleeps in the same bed as he does every single night. But something about the fact that you’ve neglected yourself just for his work was enough to irk the ruthless doctor.

The loosening grip on your tie tightened into a vice and before you knew it, your back was met with the cold hard surface of an empty operating table — it wasn’t even one of those that bend and are cushioned for comfort, it was where he often placed his experiments in.

“Wait, wh—” you quickly swallowed your complaint the moment you saw his eyes glinting dangerously down at you.

“I need to pry your brain open.”

You almost choked on air as you heard your lovers words, you immediately propped yourself up by your elbows, “What do you mean pry my brain open?!”

“I mean cracking that thick skull of yours to see whether or not something went wrong in your wiring,” Dottore’s movements were swift as he climbed up to the table, straddling your hips as he reached for the belt buckles attached at the side of the this cold metal slab.

“H-Hey now… let’s not… jump to certain actions that we might soon regret…”

And now here you are, at a complete stalemate with your beloved boyfriend, with you completely under his mercy. You were tied down and those leather straps were not at all helping you in making your grand escape. Not to mention, you can’t exactly just shove off your boyfriend.

“Not eating or sleeping for days just to complete your work would have been admirable had it not been for the fact that you need it.” Dottore sighed, reaching out a gloved hand to cup your face, squishing your cheeks together, “And here I thought you were slacking on your work… only to find something far worse.” The grip on your cheeks tightened.

You only shot him a pleading look, absolutely trying not to get your brain picked on. Your beloved had finally granted your reddening cheeks some mercy as he let go of it, “It’s not exactly something I can help, y’know? It just comes onto me naturally.”

“You not eating or even barely sleeping for the next four days is natural?” The harbinger was perplexed to say the least. “Would you like me to repeat that again so you can hear just how utterly asinine your words are?”

Huffing, you turned your cheek to the other direction, only to be faced by a dismembered head and immediately looked back at your lover, “I just wanted to make sure you have no hassle in the long run. And like I said, I don’t mind it.”

“I, however, mind the fact that if you keep this up, I might be looking for a potential replacement in just a few days once you kick the bucket.” He huffed back at you, “I hate inconveniences.” His scowl was deep and showed complete frustration towards you and your actions.

And for a quick second, your sleep and nutrient deprived mind had finally stopped to take in as you realized that this was Dottore’s odd way of showing concern. He met your gaze, and with the way your eyes tendered as the realization sank into you, he was far too late.

“Aww, pumpkin… you were worried—?”

“Perish the thought. Absolute lunacy. Whatever. Have it your way — I’ll indulge myself this time.”

“Indulge your… H-Hey! Where are you touching?!”

Dottore’s smile was wicked and devious as his hands traveled somewhere far south, copping a quick feel, “By my initial diagnosis, it seems as though you’ve been experiencing bouts of hyperactivity to the point of neglect at your food intake as well as the much needed rest. Why don’t I sort this out? As your personal physician, I suggest we do something about that before assigning your prescribed medications, no?”

Fret not, he made good on his promise — and fed you before tucking you in bed… but not after feeding him yourself.

[jinkoh]

If I can't relate to you anymore then who am I related to?

my centerfold

eric x fem!reader

“Is there ever going to be a right time for us?” Eric sounded bitter. He didn’t mean to, but he just didn't know how to hide his feelings about all of this. You tensed up, your fingers almost desperately intertwining themselves with his. “There has to be.”

tags: slow burn, childhood friends to ? to lovers, hurt/comfort, time skips, y/n is 2 yrs older, kinda rlly bad communication but they figure it out, one (1) suggestive scene

warnings: alcohol consumption, implied mental health issues, eric is lowkey not having a good time in this (but things turn out okay!! it will be fine!!)

i tried to stay away from physical descriptions but it does say y/n has smaller hands than eric

wordcount: ~6,7k

a/n: i think i started writing this when hurt me less came out bc it got me in the mood for something angsty and then it somehow turned into a songfic for 'coney island' instead. and ofc it's still angsty bc there is nothing i love more than writing pain :)) anyway i hope you enjoy~

Masterlist

17

Being seventeen sucked. Because seventeen had Eric sitting in his tree house, by himself, picking apart the old bleached out rug. Seventeen had him eating lunch with his friends, except you'd decided not to be a part of them anymore, sitting with Hyunjae and Juyeon instead. Which, to be fair, made sense because they were in the same grade and Eric wasn’t but that hadn’t stopped you before so why did it now?

Seventeen had him going to the arcade, trying over and over to win that silly plastic ring from the claw machine, as if it could fix anything, as if he still had anyone to give it to. Seventeen had him watching you graduate and it was stupid how pretty you looked in that black robe, as you left him and all your shared memories behind. He wanted to take a picture with you, he'd always naturally assumed you would, but you hadn't spoken in weeks and Eric was too much of a coward to start now. So he watched you from afar, radiant smile on your face as you stood with your family that he knew so well it felt like it was his own. And yet he didn't belong there anymore. And yet, you didn’t want him there anymore.

He rode his bike home after the ceremony, mindlessly throwing it onto the lawn before he climbed up the wooden steps to his tree house. He'd spent so much time here with you that sometimes he forgot it was his and not yours. He remembered you sitting on the patchwork of rugs and carpet squares with him, laughing bright as the sun at some silly joke of  his. You're funny, you'd said, wiping away tears from the corners of your eyes, and he'd never liked himself more than in that moment, with you giggling about his antics. Eric wondered if maybe you'd changed your mind and the parts of him you'd thought of as funny before had become annoying and childish. He wasn't that much younger but maybe the age difference had become all you could see, Eric just a kid that wouldn't be able to relate to the things ahead of you. He thought about the way you'd looked at him the last time you'd been up here together. There'd been something in your eyes that Eric had interpreted as love, but then your expression had shifted and you'd left and you hadn’t come back since.

Sitting all alone in the tree house, pointlessly overthinking all your possible reasons, he sort of regretted ever taking you up the brittle ladder. This tree house was supposed to be his safe space, but it felt looming and empty now. Where was he supposed to find comfort, if every possible source of comfort that he knew somehow tied back to you? Maybe he'd shared too much with you, given too much of himself, because now that you were leaving, what was there that you wouldn't take with you? What would be left behind with him, of him, once you were gone? He didn’t want to find out but it wasn’t looking like he had much of a choice.

19

Nineteen had Eric on top of the world. He’d surprised everyone by staying in town for college while most of his friends—including his best friend Sunwoo—didn’t, but it’d felt like the right thing to do. Of course, his plans used to be different, but the reason behind those plans, being together with you, had disappeared. Maybe it looked sad or pathetic from the outside, staying behind while everyone was leaving, but it didn’t feel that way to Eric. Because for once this had been a decision he’d made just for himself. And it'd proved to be the right one. Eric loved college, he loved his classes and he wasn’t lonely either. He'd never struggled to make new friends, so he’d found his people right on the first day, clicking with them so easily as if he’d known them forever. He’d met his girlfriend that way too and they’d been going strong for three months now. She was bold and bubbly and the type of person who made life feel good and easy. He liked her. 

He liked her enough not to think about you anymore, except for the brief moments when he did. But even then it didn’t come with the same burst of emotion as it used to. He’d been so heartbroken back then, and then after the heartbreak there'd been this burning anger about the way you’d never told him why you cut him off. But now all that was left was a sense of bittersweet nostalgia.

The nostalgia overcame him again, when he entered the arcade with his friends. None of them came from this town, so they didn't have any memories about this place. It was just an arcade to them, so it would have been weird to decline when they'd asked Eric if he was up for going. And why would he decline either way? Sure, he hadn’t gone to the arcade in a long time, eventually leaving it behind like so many places he'd associated with you. But he was okay now. 

Or maybe he wasn’t, because once inside he naturally found himself in front of the claw machine again. After all this time the silly little plastic ring was still the same, taunting him from the display of prices to be won. He threw in a coin and then another and another.

"What are you trying to win so desperately?" His girlfriend asked with a giggle, as she came up to him from behind. 

"Uh, nothing really."

"Nothing?" She tilted her head.

"It's a little stupid," he admitted, "but I've always wanted to get that ring. I never managed, so I can't help but try when I see it."

"That's cute though. I’m rooting for you," she said, giving him a little peck on the cheek. Eric felt guilty, as if he was keeping a secret from her.

"Will you give it to me, if you do win it?" 

He hesitated for a moment too long before replying. "Of course. But I doubt I will."

She didn’t take much notice of his faltering and just gave him another peck before she disappeared elsewhere to play a racing game.

Eric got a bunch of key charms that day. Until, suddenly, when he popped open another plastic ball, there wasn’t a key charm inside. He stared at the ring with something akin to confusion. He'd tried so often back then and never succeeded, so a part of him had started to believe it wasn’t actually possible. But here it was, right there in his palm, two years late and looking cheaper up close. In the end it was just a piece of plastic, he supposed. He slipped it into his pocket. When his girlfriend asked later, he told her about the key charms and let her choose one of them before dividing the rest among his friends. The ring stayed hidden in his pocket, a secret heavier than the colorful plastic it was made of. 

He turned the ring between his fingers later that night, lying awake with useless thoughts. That day in the arcade, when he’d failed to get the ring for you was when it’d all gone down the drain. You’d hung out at the arcade a lot back then, you and Eric and Sunwoo and Haknyeon and Hyunjae and whoever else had been in the mood. There hadn’t been anything special about that day; you’d joked around like always, teasing him about not winning anything. “Just watch me,” he’d shot back, trying to defend his pride. “Tell me what you want and I’ll win it for you.” “The ring. From the claw machine," you'd replied and to this day Eric didn’t understand why you’d chosen that of all things. He’d agreed though, telling you it was easy; only to get nothing but a bunch of key charms and a necklace. He’d wasted a ton of coins trying to get it for you, even after that day, even after you were no longer speaking. But now that he finally had it, it felt underwhelming. It was tiny, probably meant for children with the way it didn’t even fit his pinky. Then again, your hands were smaller than his. Not that he’d ever gotten to hold them, but he remembered from the way you’d grabbed the front of his T-shirt the very same day. It was stupid that he could still recall such a silly detail. He should be remembering other things instead, like how it’d felt when your lips crashed into his, but the touch had been so brief and so surprising, he had barely registered it had happened at all when you were already pushing him away again. It’d been his first kiss, so he thought he should be remembering it better, but what came to mind was always the moment right before, when you’d looked at him with fondness, and then the moment right after when there’d been terror in your eyes, a look of reproach. As if he’d been the one to cross that line, when really, it was you. You had grabbed his shirt and you had kissed him first. So why was he treated like he'd been the one who’d made the mistake? 

And why was it a mistake anyway? 

17

“This is pretty cute too,” you said when you were sitting in his tree house together, holding up the necklace that was sparkling in the light of the evening sun that came in through the window. “Of course it’s not a ring, but yanno, can’t have it all.”

Everyone had gone home, but you’d naturally gone back with Eric. He hadn’t questioned it because you always did that, treating his home like your own. And it wasn’t like he wanted you to leave.

“If you don’t like it, give it back,” he complained with a pout, trying to snatch the necklace from you, but you quickly held it out of reach.

“Nope, never. You already gave it to me, so it’s mine now.” You turned your back to him, pushing your hair to the side and holding the necklace around your neck for him to close. “Help me put it on?”

There shouldn’t have been anything weird or special about this, but Eric’s hands trembled and it took him three attempts to finally get it right.

“Maybe a necklace is better,” you’d said as you turned back around to him, brushing over the little pendant, cheap metal against the skin between your collarbones. “I’m too young to get married and I’m sure there are other people you’d prefer giving rings to anyway.”

He should have made a silly comment now, agreeing that just the thought of marrying you was grossing him out. But it didn’t. It actually sounded pretty good to him. 

“No,” he mumbled without making eye contact. “I wouldn’t have minded giving it to you.”

You didn’t reply, and it made him realize that he’d probably fucked up. He shouldn’t have said that. He looked up, searching his brain for a stupid joke to lighten up the mood, but when he met your gaze you looked flustered.

“Really?” your voice was quiet.

“Yeah.”

“Win it for me next time then.”

Eric felt his skin tingle at your words, helplessly trying to figure out if you were fucking with him right now or if all of this meant what he thought it did. “Okay,” he pressed out, because what else was he going to say if the girl he liked asked him for a ring?

For a moment you just looked at him, but then you grabbed his shirt, your fingers wrapping around the fabric to pull him in, and Eric in his surprise almost toppled forward. Except he didn’t because then there were your lips on his that stopped him from falling.

The fall only came after, when you dashed out and completely stopped talking to him.

21

Twenty-one wasn't what Eric thought it would be. That feeling of being undefeatable that had empowered him at nineteen seemed to be completely used up now. Instead  the teenage angst had come back with full force, making him feel more miserable and anxious than ever. Of course he wasn’t actually a teenager anymore, but calling it teenage angst was less frightening than calling it depression and it wasn't like he was seeing anyone about it anyway. As long as he didn’t have a diagnosis he didn’t have an actual problem. It was just a little losing streak, but he'd be back on his game in a bit. He just had a lot to deal with right now, like how college was harder than it'd felt at the beginning. Or how his girlfriend had broken up with him a few months ago and he hadn’t dated since. It was fine though, it was better that way. She deserved better. After all, even now he wasn’t sure if he missed her or if he just missed being with someone. But simply knowing it'd been the right choice didn't take away that looming feeling of loneliness in his bones. 

Of course he had friends that cared about him, but they were her friends too and even though they'd separated amicably, he felt awkward and detached. He didn’t know how to open up to them anymore, or maybe he'd never really opened up to them from the start. More often than not he wished that he'd gone to the same college as Sunwoo after all. Surely, he'd be feeling better then. Because despite his teasing and feigned annoyance, Sunwoo was his best friend and the person he relied on the most. Except that felt so much harder to do with distance between them and Eric couldn’t shake off the fear of becoming a burden if he told Sunwoo just how miserable he was feeling. So, he was somehow dealing with it by himself, mostly relying on the hope that it would eventually pass and that maybe he would wake up some day and feel okay again.

Today wasn’t the day though, he realized as he stood at the grocery store without his shopping list and only fragmentary memories of what he’d been meaning to buy. He was ruffling his hair in frustration in the dairy section, trying to remember if milk was needed or not, when he suddenly got pulled out of his thoughts.

“Eric, right?”

When he turned around he found Hyunjae standing in front of him, four years older than the last time he’d seen him and yet unmistakably the same. 

“It’s Hyunjae,” he unnecessarily explained with a bright smile when Eric didn’t respond immediately.

“Yeah, of course, I remember.” Eric tried to return his smile, but he felt too conscious of himself, too uncomfortable in his own skin and the hoodie that he hadn’t washed in too long.

“Are you also back for spring break?”

There was no reason to feel embarrassed about it, but somehow Eric felt small when he admitted that he had never left town. He'd never felt ashamed of that a year or two ago. 

“Really?” Hyunjae looked surprised, but there was no judgment there at all. “I always thought you’d go to the same school as y/n. The two of you were attached at the hip back then.” He chuckled. “But I guess you had your own plans. Good for you though! Hope life’s been treating you well?”

“Oh, totally,” Eric lied with a smile. “It’s going great. What about you?”

“Yeah, same, but I’m glad it’s spring break now. I’m actually buying some stuff for the weekend,” he nodded towards his cart, loaded with beer and liquor and meat. “Throwing a party since a lot of the guys from school are back right now—,” he interrupted himself for a second. “Actually, you should come. If you’re free on Friday."

“Sure,” Eric nodded, “I’ll stop by if I find the time.” There was no reason to think he wouldn’t, there were no other plans to speak of, but he wanted to keep himself the option of showing up.

“Nice,” Hyunjae grinned. He seemed genuinely pleased about the prospect of Eric coming, but maybe that had more to do with Hyunjae being a nice, sociable guy, rather than how he felt about Eric specifically. Still, it was nice to be invited somewhere. 

“I’ll see you on Friday then,” he added, lightly patting Eric on the back before getting back to his cart.

“Yeah,” Eric gave him a small wave. “See you then.”

Eric was convinced he wouldn’t go to the party. He still thought so until Friday evening, when he was chilling on the couch fumbling with a rubix cube and came to the depressing realization that he hadn’t done anything all week and wasn’t going to do anything on the weekend either.  The thought of that made him feel miserable and like a stranger to himself. He wasn’t the type of person to stay at home by himself all week, letting spring break pass by without any memories to speak of. He had to think of Hyunjae’s invitation then and he decided to go. After all, if he wanted things to be different, he’d have to do something about it. And he liked going to parties, didn’t he? Maybe he hadn’t been to one in a while but he assumed it was like riding a bicycle, surely he’d be back in his element once he arrived. So, he slipped on some fresh clothes, did his hair, and made his way over to Hyunjae’s, fashionably late of course.

Rather than ringing the bell, he headed straight for the garden, where he heard the sound of music and laughter. The party was in full swing already, the atmosphere light and happy, making it easy to blend in and make small talk here and there. Eric didn’t remember everyone’s names, but he did recognize a bunch of faces and it seemed like almost everyone remembered him to some extent. It was a nice feeling to know he’d left enough of an impression on all these people from school for them to still have positive memories about him. Of course, none of the conversations he had were all that deep and meaningful, but after distancing himself from people for weeks now and constantly worrying about being a burden to those around him, it was a relief to see that people did seem to like having him around. 

He was starting to loosen up, feeling lighter and happier than he’d been in weeks. Surely the alcohol was doing its part too, but Eric was convinced it was more than that. The evening felt like a turning point, like the kick of motivation he’d needed to work on getting better again. Maybe he was being a little delusional.

Just when he was about to open another bottle of beer, a voice made him stop in his tracks.

“Eric?”

You hadn’t even been all that loud, but he felt like the noise of the party—the music, the chatter, the laughter—all of it had suddenly diminished to a faint background noise at the call of your voice. 

He hadn’t heard it in years, but there was no doubt in his mind it was yours. The time apart could never erase all the time spent together, your voice ingrained in his memory like a melody from his youth. 

Eric didn’t turn around immediately. Instead he resumed opening the bottle first, using the brief moment to try and collect himself. It wasn’t really working. He hadn’t expected to meet you here. In hindsight that’d been pretty stupid, but hindsight wasn’t really helping him now.

He swallowed around the lump in his throat before finally turning around to face you. “Y/n.” He didn’t know what face he was making. Was he smiling? He wanted to smile.

“It’s been a while.” You were smiling. It was a little timid, as if you weren’t sure if Eric would want you to talk to him, but it was a smile nevertheless. He was glad somehow, that there didn’t seem to be any hard feelings on your side. A part of him had always feared that you’d come to hate him.

“Yeah.”

“Do you maybe—,” you were fumbling with the pendant of your necklace. It looked expensive, or at least more expensive than the one he’d gotten you from the arcade. He pointlessly wondered if you still had it. “Do you wanna go for a walk? Or something?”

“Sure.” It was an automatic response that came out before he had the chance to consider if he actually wanted to. But when you both set foot onto the pavement and slowly distanced yourselves from Hyunjaes house, Eric thought that he did want to.

It was quiet for a bit so Eric said “Hyunjae invited me,” both to fill the silence and because he thought you could be confused about his attendance at the party.

“Yeah, he told me.”

Somehow Eric felt weird about that. He wasn’t sure if it was the fact that the two of them had talked about him, or the fact that they’d talked at all. “Are you still close?” It was a stupid question. Eric could already guess the answer and he didn’t actually want to hear it. A very uncalled for jealousy crept up in his stomach.

“Yes. I mean, not to that extent—we’re not living in the same city—but we’ve kept in touch.”

“That’s nice,” Eric replied and he wanted to mean it but all he could think was ‘why didn’t you keep in touch with me?’

You turned a corner, entering a playground that was deserted at this hour and Eric followed along, taking the other one when you sat down on one of the swings. He watched as you slowly swayed back and forth, your gaze fixed onto your feet that never left the sand.

“I know it’s late,” you eventually started without looking up, “but I always wanted to apologize.”

It felt weird to hear you apologize. Maybe because in his head Eric has assumed you had moved on from everything quickly, starting your new life in a new place and forgetting all about the boy you’d left behind. It’d made sense to him, because while he’d never gotten the luxury of actual closure, always stuck wondering what he’d done wrong for things to go the way they did, you had known. There were no open ends to take care of, not for you. Or so he’d made himself believe, but here you were, apologizing because apparently you too hadn’t just forgotten everything.

“I was a dick back then,” you added and Eric found himself agreeing. “Yeah.” He thought he saw you flinch at his honesty. 

“I’m sorry. I really am. I know it’s not an excuse but I just—I was really scared back then.”

“Scared of what?”

“Everything. Graduation. Change. It all felt so scary to me. And I know it’s scary to everyone, I get that, but back then I felt like I was the only one struggling. Everyone around me seemed all happy and excited and I just felt so scared.”

“I could have been there for you.”  

“I know. I knew. But maybe you were one of the reasons I was so scared and I didn’t know how to tell you that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eric turned to you with a frown, but you didn’t look up.

“I was just so scared of losing you.”

“We would have been fine even with the distance. You wouldn’t have lost me.”

“Maybe not.”

“Definitely not,” he insisted.

You stopped swinging, your heels digging into the sand. “It wasn’t just the distance—I mean, of course I was scared of being apart. But at the time even being together felt like I was going to lose you. I just felt different, and I knew I was ruining our friendship but I didn’t know how not to. Or, I don’t know—maybe I thought boycotting things myself would be easier to stomach. It was a mistake, I know that now, but I was stupid back then.” 

Eric knew how hard it was for you to tell him all this, he heard it in the way your voice trembled and he saw it in the way your hands clung onto the chains of the swing like your life depended on them. But hearing it wasn’t easy either. You were confirming what he’d somehow already known: kissing him was a mistake to you. It’d been something to boycott your friendship without any deeper meaning, and that stung because it had meant so much to him. 

“I don’t expect you to forgive me,” you continued when Eric didn’t say anything, “but I at least wanted to say sorry. I was an idiot.”

A moment went by in silence, and then another. There was nothing aside from the wind rustling in the trees and the slight squeaking of the swings’ hinges. Eric felt tears welling up in his eyes and that sucked because he’d so badly wanted to be okay when he saw you again; he’d wanted to be over it, but now that you were here it all came back to him. He looked up to the dark sky, trying to blink away the tears. It was pathetic that he was crying like this, still hung up on his first love after four years.

“Did you ever actually—,” He started but then interrupted himself. —like me?, was what he wanted to ask but he couldn’t get the words out. It seemed you understood him anyway.

“I did. I liked you, Eric. I know I didn’t act like it, but I really liked you.”

He turned to meet your gaze and he was surprised to see tears in your eyes too. You seemed earnest. “But did you like me like that?” His voice was hoarse and quiet and barely came out at all, but he needed to ask, he needed to finally know. 

You looked confused, as if you’d already given all the answers Eric was looking for and he was just too stupid to see. And maybe he was, maybe you’d already said it all, but he had to make sure. 

“That’s what scared me so much, Eric,” you whispered. “I didn’t want to destroy our friendship with my silly feelings, but at the same time I wanted—”

“They weren’t silly. If your feelings were silly then mine were silly too.”

Your breathing hitched. “What do you mean?”

“I liked you too,” he admitted because there wasn’t a reason not to, “I always, always liked you.”

With a long sigh you pushed yourself up from the swing, taking a few steps ahead, maybe just to do something. “I really fucked things up, huh?” You turned to look at him, as if you wanted to ask more, but it took you another two turns and a few more uneasy steps to gather the courage. “What about now? Do you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you,” Eric got up too, reaching out for your hand to stop your pacing. Your fingers felt cold, maybe from the iron chains of the swings, and he wished he could put them in his pocket to warm them up. “I never once hated you.”

When you looked up now, eyes almost a little teary, he realized how close you were. If he just leaned in a little he could have kissed you. He didn’t get to though, because you leaned in first, your lips brushing his in a careful, feather light touch before you pulled away again, a question in your eyes. His gaze followed your lips, chasing the kiss, and that was enough for you to lean in again. This time I need to remember, he thought to himself as he reached up to cup your jaw and pull you in. This time I have to remember every little thing about it. 

Having you back in his room after all this time felt strange and having you in his bed felt even stranger. Eric remembered the days spent sitting on his race car sheets that he would have been too embarrassed to show anyone else, but it was fine if it was you, because you wouldn’t tell anyone. He remembered the laughing and the play fighting and all the dreams and plans you’d talked about while staring at his ceiling with the little sky of glow-in-the-dark stars looking back at you. The stars weren’t there anymore, nor were the race cars. But most importantly, rather than sitting next to him, you were straddling his hips, your eyes dark and beautiful in the halflight of the room. You leaned down to kiss him and your hair felt ticklish where it brushed his skin. It was a slow and sweet kiss, your fingers gently carding through his locks. But you steadily became more greedy, slipping your tongue into his mouth as you drew him in. He didn’t mind at all, feeling that same sense of hunger burning under his skin. When you ground your hips into him, he let out a groan, muffled only by your lips on his own. Almost automatically he grabbed onto your waist, pulling your body even closer to his own because it never felt close enough. He broke away from your lips, his mouth moving to your neck instead, leaving a trail of bites and kisses in its wake. You tilted your head to give him more access as you continuously rolled your hips into his, chasing that sweet sweet friction. His hands slipped beneath your shirt and he loved the feeling of your warm skin right beneath his fingertips as he explored your body. When his hands traveled down to the waistband of your jeans, tugging at the fabric in a question, he felt you jolt in his lap, stopping your movements as if you’d woken up from a trance.

“Wait,” you whispered with a breathy voice, your hand coming to rest on his.

“You don’t want to?” He asked, searching your eyes for answers. Of course he wanted to, but it wasn’t like he’d be upset if you didn’t. Anything was fine with him, really, as long as you didn’t disappear from his side again.

“It’s not that.” You took a deep breath and Eric immediately felt a sense of dread bubble up in his stomach. 

“But?”

“Eric, I’m flying back in three days.”

His grip on you instinctively tightened, as if that could somehow make you stay. Of course he’d somehow known that you would have to go back to your life that very clearly wasn’t taking place in this town, or room, or bed. But he’d chosen to ignore that knowledge, pushing it to the far back of his mind because he didn’t want to think about it. What use was there thinking about it anyway? He couldn’t change it.

“Yeah,” he whispered, letting his head drop onto your shoulder and wrapping his arms around you in a hug.. “But can’t we have this? At least for now?”

“If we indulge ourselves now, won’t it hurt more to part ways?”

“I don’t know. I think it hurt plenty last time.” He didn’t want to sound bitter or like he was holding a grudge, because he wasn’t. But it almost seemed like history was repeating itself. Why did you always kiss and run? What was it about him that you didn’t want to stay?

He felt your arms coming around his back, your hands drawing slow patterns. “You’re right, it hurt plenty,” you admitted and your voice seemed to tremble, “I just don’t know what to do. It’s like we’ll always get hurt, no matter which route we take.”

Eric raised his head to look at you and he felt his heart ache when he saw tears running down your cheeks. “Maybe. But if we get hurt anyway, shouldn’t we at least make the most of being together now?” 

“Okay,” you whispered, resting your forehead against his.

He smiled, reaching up to wipe away your tears. “Okay,” he repeated. And then you kissed, again and again, until the sweet comfort of your touch drowned out the heartache that was haunting both of you.

For two days, you lived in your own little world, shut away from the reality that waited outside of Eric’s room and just indulging in the way it felt to be together. Of course you both knew it wasn’t going to last, it was a mock reality, a simulation of what could be under different circumstances. But Eric had given that enough thought already. At least for a bit he didn’t want to worry about that and just get a taste of that happiness, even if he had to return it eventually. You seemed to feel the same or at least that’s what Eric wanted to believe when you let him snuggle closer in the morning, giggling at the way he buried his face in the crook of your neck, his breath ticklish on your bare skin. He smiled to himself, his chest brimming with happiness as he mindlessly started playing with your hand. You had pretty hands, he thought. He traced your fingers, one by one until he reached your ring finger. His delusional mind wondered, what it’d look like if you wore a ring. Preferably one that he’d gotten for you. Which reminded him—he did get one for you. It was way late, but it was neatly sitting in his nightstand.

“Y/n,” he started in a soft voice because the morning was too quiet to speak any louder, “Sorry for not winning you an arcade ring back then.” 

“You still remember that?”

“Of course I do. You know, I sometimes thought maybe things would have been different if I had won that ring for you.” It was supposed to be an introduction, leading up to the big reveal that he’d finally gotten that ring. That was romantic wasn’t it? But when he was about to sit up to reach for the drawer of his nightstand, you shot him down with your words.

“We would have gone down in flames either way. A plastic ring couldn’t have made a difference.”

“Right,” he whispered and his voice sounded choked up.

“Eric—”

“No, you’re right. It’s just a stupid ring. Who would be hung up on it all this time?” Who, aside from him, of course.

“It’s not that, Eric. It wasn’t stupid—but what I’m trying to say is it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong and it wasn’t because you didn’t win the ring for me. It just wasn’t the right time for us.”

“Is there ever going to be a right time for us?” Eric sounded bitter. He didn’t mean to, but he just didn't know how to hide his feelings about all of this. You tensed up, your fingers almost desperately intertwining themselves with his.

“There has to be,” you whispered and he heard the tears in your voice. He squeezed your hand, a silent comfort because he didn’t know what else to do or say. Nothing could stop you from leaving tomorrow. Nothing could change the circumstances you found yourselves in. 

You’d told him that he didn’t have to drive you to the airport, but he’d insisted. If he already couldn’t keep you he at least wanted to be with you for as long as possible. You arrived early, so you sat in one of the waiting areas for a bit, hands intertwined and a heavy silence hanging above you. It was hard to make conversation, because everything either of you could possibly say seemed so meaningless in the face of having to part. When it was finally time for you to head to the gate, Eric accompanied you as far as he could. You hugged for an eternity before reluctantly pulling away and it still seemed to be too short. Both of you had been crying on and off ever since you’d arrived at the airport, and there shouldn’t be any tears left at this point, but somehow there still were new ones coming anyway.

“I should really go now.”

“Yeah,” Eric nodded, but his fingers still held onto yours for a second longer, the thought of letting go painful, “I know.”

“It will be okay,” you whispered as you turned to leave and Eric wondered if you were telling him or yourself, “there will be a time for us.”

What bullshit, he thought to himself, watching you walk off. Why should you have to wait for a right time, after you’d already waited so long? The small plastic ball that he’d taken out of his nightstand and slipped into his pocket for god knows what reason felt impossibly heavy. He didn’t want to wait anymore.

“There won’t be,” he blurted out without thinking, “There won’t be a right time.”

You halted in your movements, slowly turning back around looking utterly heartbroken. “But can’t we hope?”

With a few steps he closed the distance between you again. “There will never be a right time for us. Because there is no such thing. Aren’t we the ones who should decide what time is right? I am tired of all this uncertainty. I don’t want to see you go without knowing if we’ll talk again. I know it isn’t easy to make things work long distance, but shouldn’t we at least try? Didn’t we spend enough time with regrets?”

“But how—how could I possibly ask that of you? After everything I’ve done, shouldn’t I make things easy for you now? How can I ask you to try something that seems to be doomed to fall apart?”

“Then what if I’m the one who’s asking you?” He pulled out the plastic capsule from his pocket, holding it out to you with shaking hands. “What if I’m the one who’s asking to try?”

You stared at it for a moment, clearly flabbergasted. “Is that—?”

“Yeah,” he opened it to show you the tiny little arcade ring, and it made a new wave of tears roll down your cheeks. 

“You got it? For me?”

“A while ago. I know you said it wouldn’t change anything, it’s just plastic after all but—”

“You really went back to win it for me?” You were straight up sobbing now, but there was a smile in your eyes.

“Well, I said I would.”

“I love it,” you pressed out through tears, “I love you.” 

“Yeah,” he smiled back, trying his best and failing not to cry too. He’d wondered many times if he should just throw the ring away and move on. And maybe he should have, but right now, at this moment, he was glad he didn’t. “I love you too.”

23

Twenty-three was fine, he supposed. And for the most part it was. He felt too young to be finishing college and there was all that fear about what was to come after; the prospect of job interviews scary, the prospect of maybe not even getting invited infinitely scarier. But it wasn’t as frightening as it could have been, maybe because he'd been seeing a therapist for a while now. Or maybe because he wasn’t feeling so alone now. Despite not living in the same town anymore he had a lot of contact with his friends these days, both from college and high school. Actually Sunwoo had even come over to help with his move. Your move, to be more precise. You’d moved in together just a few weeks ago, after his classes had ended for good. It was a cozy little flat close to your workplace that you'd picked together, and Eric had never loved coming home more than he did now. There was nothing better than knowing you’d be there and even at the times you weren’t, he still found you in every inch of your shared apartment, from the potted plant in the kitchen that you insisted wasn’t dead yet, to your forgotten sock between the sofa cushions.

You also actually wore that tiny little arcade ring (on your pinky, because it didn't fit anywhere else). He’d told you a zillion times you didn’t have to wear it, but it gave him butterflies that you did. He promised himself that once he’d found a job he would save up for a proper ring, one that you wouldn’t have to wear on your pinky. The thought made him giddy and excited for the future, overshadowing all the scary parts. Yeah, twenty-three was definitely fine.

Masterlist

[oshiawaseni]

Trails of Love Hori's been paving down in the build up for the series' ending

Part I: The Shape of an Eternal Bond

Romantic Love. Falling in love. When we break it down, what really is it, but a deep emotional connection formed with someone, an overpowering instinct that screams at you to protect that person, and the vulnerability you allow yourself to succumb to when your logical 'self-preserving' mind and it's hurt-proof walls is completely overrun by your heart's most based need to be close with them, the object of your affection.

And who shows these feelings for each other the most in BNHA? Bakudeku, right? Of course it's them.

It's something so obvious and yet this somehow feels overlooked by almost everyone in the fandom: I’ve never actually seen Izuku feeling happy or excited about his relationship with Ochaco, nor elated about getting to spend more time with her. But Izuku and Kacchan? The feelings they both have of longing to be closer to the other and every single action they took for that, chaotically and passionately smashes the "stable pleasantness" of IzuOcha right out of the park.

Izuku views getting to speak 'normally(?)' with Kacchan as a miracle on the exact same level of importance as being mentored by the greatest hero of their generation (and his U.A. room looks like what it looks like). This scene gave the cutest 'Work life: check. Love life: check' vibe.

Is it really all that surprising that BKDK have had plenty of development in this area while IzuOcha has had almost none? In fact, as BkDk became closer, the "expected end game" pair has gone in the opposite direction. And why does this not strike odd to "bkdk canon" doubters or the fans that ship IzuOcha? It really is no coincidence how many moments we’ve accrued about this mutual feeling and attraction that exists only between Izuku and Katsuki.

I want to be closer to you. I can't imagine life without you. vs Why are you so confused when I show you I care about you, too?

It's so simple - but maybe it being so simple is why this is not something we really stop and take a minute to think about specifically. About how this 'obvious' concept of two people desiring to become closer is one often shared between lovers and those who are falling in love.

And how that fits with bkdk because this longing for deeper connection has existed between them almost since the beginning... and we haven't been talking enough about it.

I want you to think about the true feelings and meaning lying behind these moments that have inspired the writings of many fic and meta:

Izuku's desperation and suffering at Kacchan being taken away...

the hurt and loneliness that pools within Katsuki's heart from his fear of being left behind (and alone) by Izuku...

the regret they both felt in not using their own hand to reach out and connect to each other (believing their hand 'wouldn't be enough') and putting those feelings aside to prioritise their boy's rescue and safety...

the distress Katsuki felt in facing his biggest fear of all - losing Izuku for good - forcing him to become a true hero, for his sake...

and the total overwhelming despair Izuku felt in realising he didn't make it in time and he had lost his hero.

This is it, this cover was Hori locking them in. Holding his Kacchan so precious, placing his hand gently over his heart, trying to somehow connect to it. The appearance of an enraged and protective alpha ready to strike down the monster who did this to his mate. This is the vision Hori wanted to draw for bkdk and it cemented the deep romantic love and bond that's been growing between them, rewarding those of us who have picked up on their trails of love and causing meltdowns baked in confusion for the rest.

They've had many scenes like these throughout MHA. Scratch a little at their surface and what lies underneath every single one of them is the pining desire Izuku and Katsuki both share of wanting to be together. The need for the other to be by their side and within reach.

And they don’t share this feeling with anybody else.

It’s always been this way exclusively for them and I think this aspect of their relationship was established by Hori to tell us they will stay feeling this way forever.

If Izuku is right and he takes back everything and the course of their future gets put on track again, then maybe the idea of them holding onto each other and never letting go isn’t all that far from reality.

After they graduate, I can't imagine these two not choosing each other every single time, until the very end of their days: becoming a hero wonder duo, moving in together, living their best domestic life complete with their adorable husbands banter (but repackaged into something so much more loving and soft which befits them), nurturing their relationship... letting themselves fall deeper in love...

It's so easy to imagine this all happening, simply because of their desperate need for closeness to one another in the manga.

They can’t imagine their life without the other.

Their love is a multi-threaded story that's been told to us over, and over, and over again. Through Izuku and Katsuki's every action and by the mouths of others (which I'll be covering in my next post).

I honestly believe that since the beginning, Hori has been carefully leaving trails of their passion for each other, simply to say this: While this series may be coming to a close, Izuku and Katsuki’s bond, that brings them only closer and binds them tightly together, will transcend the very last of their inked pages and never end. ❤️

Part Two -> Intro & Compress

[venerawrites]

I cant

I cant anymore bro

Shino stans are so real

I need more of that man🤝

I need a fic of shino being jealous of his s/o's childhood boy best friend may be sfw or nsfw

BROSKI IS CUTE AND DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT 💋💗

author's note: thank you so much for this request! I decided to write it as a short sfw scenario, so I do hope you like it! Tbh, I am recently becoming a Shino stan girl, but I still feel he is one of the most difficult characters to write for lol x

warnings: none really (BUT some mentions of being intimate, nothing really nsfw) ; still just in case MINORS DO NOT INTERACT (18+)

A loud giggle left your lips and your hand flew towards Shikamaru's shoulder, a low grunt leaving him at the contact. A small blush covered his cheeks, while his eyes focused on the little stones, which he kept kicking with the edge of his shoes.

"I can't believe you said that!", you exclaimed, before another chuckle rumbled from your chest, "You asked her what her favourite cough medicine is?"

Your best friend's face became even redder of the memory and for a second, he regretted sharing with you how his date last night went. He rolled his eyes, his mouth forming a pout.

"I didn't know what to ask... Man, dealing with women is such a drag!"

His words earned him another playful slap from you, which he partly managed to dodge by moving to the side. His hand moved towards your wrist and before you knew it, he spun you around, so you were pressed against his chest, while his arm was wrapped around your torso, keeping you in place.

"Shika, let me go!", you squirmed in his grasp, a gasp leaving your lips once his hand pressed against that one ticklish spot on the side of your waist.

"Are you going to stop hitting me and making fun of me?", he asked with a serious expression, yet his voice carried a note of playfulness. Once you shook your head no, his hand found your ticklish spot again, this time squeezing and you immediately laughed, wiggling in his arms. Shikamaru, however, didn't seem to show even an ounce of mercy, his fingers dancing over your clothed skin.

"Y/N."

The sound of your voice made your best friend immediately release you and you turned around, only to find Shino staring at you. Like usual, half of his face was covered by the shadow of his hood and his dark glasses, but you could see just the slightest frown sitting on his face.

You and Shino had... interesting relationship. You had a crush on the mysterious man since your late teenage years and it wasn't till after the war when Kiba decided to set you a blind date as a joke, that you had the chance to get to know each other. Since that day, you only grew closer, regularly spending your free time together.

To say that you were together, however, would be a lie... or at least not fully the truth. Sure, you did kiss occasionally and he had recently started to spend some of his nights in your bed, but nothing has been officially established between you two. In your mind, your relationship was currently hanging on the border between a beneficial friendship and a romantic relationship.

The dark energy that Shino was currently radiating, however, was anything but friendly.

"Hey, Shino!", you greeted, smiling brightly at him, before scratching the back of your head. For some unknown reason, a feeling of embarrassment has washed over you, almost as if you were caught doing something you shouldn't have.

"What's up, mate?", your best friend greeted next to you, offering a lazy smirk. Shino, however, did not even acknowledge his presence, his attention focused on you.

"We were supposed to meet for lunch", he pointed out while lifting one of his brows, his tone sounding cold. Your eyes widened in surprise and you lifted your hand towards your face, checking the time on your watch.

2 o'clock.

A whole hour later than your scheduled meeting with Shino. You got so caught up listening to Shikamaru's disastrous date, that you completely lost track of time. You lifted your head towards the boy again, giving an apologetic look and opening your mouth to apologize, before your best friend beat you to it.

"Sorry, man, it was my faul-"

"I wasn't talking to you", Shino abruptly snapped at him, finally glancing in his direction. His reaction made you furrow your brows and it seemed to have taken Shikamaru by surprise too, because he lifted his hands in defence, before throwing a questioning glance at you.

All three of you stayed silent for a minute, till you let out a nervous sigh and turned towards your best friend. Quickly wrapping your hands around his torso, you held him in your embrace for just a second, before you stepped back and bid your farewell.

Once Shikamaru was far enough to not hear your conversation, you turned towards Shino and crossed your arms in front of your chest.

"What was that about?"

He stared silently at you and you thought he was just formulating his response, but to your surprise, he silently turned around and started to walk away. You stood dumbfounded, mouth falling open in shock by his unusually rude behaviour, before coming back to reality and jogging next to him.

"Hey!", the word came out more sternly than you intended, "I am talking to you!"

Your fingers wrapped around the sleeve of his jacket and he stopped in place, still refusing to pay you any attention. Taking a deep breath, you decided that maybe a gentler approach would be more appropriate.

"Shino", his name sounded almost like a plead coming out of your lips, "Talk to me.."

The man tensed at your words and his hand came to his face, removing his glasses, so you can finally see how irritated he was with you. But behind his dark eyes, there was a strange vulnerability you have never witnessed from him.

"What am I to you?"

His question came out uncertain, almost as if he wasn't sure if he should be asking it. But Shino has always been one to speak his mind and this was one of the things you liked about him.

"What do you mean?", your head titled to the side, inviting him to elaborate.

"Do you see me as your lover? Or just someone to string along, till you decide what do you want?"

Maybe he meant his last words as a genuine ask, but the sharp tone he used made your heart skip a beat. It hurt you that he lacked confidence in your intentions towards him, especially since unlike him, you have openly voiced the fact that you do like him and feel attracted to him.

"String you along? I would never-"

A silent, barely audible scoff left his lips, and you stopped mid-sentence, now feeling more annoyed than anything.

"Honestly, what the hell is your problem?", you moved, so you were standing right in front of him and your eyes bored into his, "You are being a total asshole right now."

"I'm sorry I'm not too thrilled by the fact I just witnessed my girl being in another man's arms."

Oh...

Whatever was about to come out of your mouth, has been long forgotten and now the only thing your brain could focus on was the fact he called you "his girl".

You blinked a few times at him before a teasing smile stretched across your face.

"Your girl?", you leaned towards him, leaving only a step of distance between you two, "Is that who I am to you?"

Shino's cheeks turned into a dark rosy colour, which reached the tip of his ears and he moved his gaze to the side, suddenly finding the trees in the distance way more interesting than looking at you.

"Of course, you are my girl", he grumbled, his right foot now nervously tapping the ground, "I thought that was pretty clear."

You couldn't help but let out a chuckle at his embarrassed expression. Shino had the strange ability to say bluntly exactly what he was thinking, no matter how inappropriate it was, yet he got all shy and insecure the moment you asked him to confirm his feelings.

"Well, you have never expressly said anything...", you stepped to the side, resulting in blocking his view with your face once again.

"Was sleeping together not enough of a confirmation of the fact that I view you as my partner?", he raised his brow at you and you felt your mouth opening slightly at how straightforward he was, "Why else would I be intimate with you? For the laughs?"

"Well, no...", you muttered, suddenly feeling embarrassed by the fact that you have even questioned him in the first place, "But you know... A girl cannot be sure, till you explicitly say to her what do you want from her."

His hand reached towards your chin, lifting it and making you look at his brown eyes. His whole aura was now calmer and somewhat back to his usual collected self.

"I am serious about you. I want to be with you", he declared, his thumb gently tracing your jawline, "But I want to know if you are feeling the same way. I can't take being your second option, if your true affection lies with someone else..."

A deep crease appeared between your brows and it took you a few seconds to connect the dots.

"Shikamaru?", you let out a dry laugh, but your expression quickly became serious once you met Shino's unamused face, "Shino, you know both of us for years! I literally view him as my brother."

The dark-haired ninja hummed at your words, his hand moving away and shuffling in his pants' pocket.

"I don't like seeing other men touching you", he admitted, his hand falling away from your face, but before he can pull away, you laced your fingers with his.

"You are the only one I like, Shino! No one else", you assured him, giving him a gentle squeeze. He stared at you, checking your eyes to see how sincere you were, and before he could talk himself out of it, he leaned forward, pressing his lips towards yours.

Pulling away, his whole face was red and he hurriedly put his sunglasses back in an attempt to hide his embarassment.

"Let's go have lunch, you must be starving."

cc artwork: Alben Tan