#i reevaluate things based on MY point of view. it has always been like this since i was a kid. which is why i don’t get swayed easily

[kelin-is-writing]

Hi, I know you hate endevour and his fans..but whay if people like him because of his psycholgy, he is an intresting character..

Honestly, I hate Endeavor but I don’t really care if peoples likes him or not; y’all can like whatever characters you want, it’s really none of my business at the end of the day.

What I don’t like and find embarrassing, it’s rude fans that come into my inbox disguised as Anonymous only to attack me because I hold him accountable for things he has in fact done and for supporting his victims, while not caring about what happens to him.

I mean— Why do you care if 1 out of billion other fans doesn’t like Endeavor (for fair reasons)? It’s just like when bullies in middle school hate on someone for their looks. Like, the other person is allegedly “ugly” and you get mad on a personal level because of it? Very questionable behavior.

If you find him an interesting character, that’s totally fine. I don’t really have any say in it, because patronizing a total stranger is a weird and narcissistic behavior that I won’t engage in.

I just personally don’t like Endeavor nor I think he’s an interesting character, since I don’t really like nor him nor peoples who are like him irl, this because of personal reasons that I won’t disclose on here. It’s really just this 👐🏼

[etacarinea]

No because that is literaly the face i have always pictured grover with holy shit. Did they genetically enginer him for this role?!?!

Also heres a more nuanced take on the annabeth casting(please read the whole thing before making a response. I mean no hate, please keep this civil)

I am attached to the image of blonde annabeth, as i am sure many of you are. For me, annabeth, and the percy jackson series helpped me reevaluate my internalized misogyny.

I’d been taught, primarily my father, to look down on hyper feminity. Particularly “dumb-blondes.” I have a clear memory of watching beauty and the beast with my family and my parents ridiculing the bimbetts as “cabesa-huecas” (empty headed) and telling me that i would get further in life than my blonde classmates because i had black hair. I had this same view point for a long time until i read percy jackson. For me, annabeth was the first heroine to be smart, and blonde and pretty. Her narration about being underestimated for being blonde really put many things into perspective and made me stop judging others based on appearances. It also made me realize that i too had associated blondeness with femininity and lack of intelligence. From there, and thanks to other characters like Selina and Piper, i began understand that you can be both beautiful and strong and grew beyond the “not like other girls” mentality. She was my Elle Woods

Its not to say that Rick is particularly good a writing feminity or any form of representation (hes a middle aged white man and these books are from the 2000’s/2010’s for crying out loud), but it was nonetheless a step in the right direction. As a character of her era, blonde princess hair annabeth, works. But the world has changed since then.

Now its the 2020’s, and there has been a revitalization and reclaiming of hyper feminity and the bimbo. Gen z and modern day feminism uplifts all forms of feminity. Everyone knows Legally Blonde and people have, for the most part, stopped using the term “dumb blonde” to degrade women.

Keeping Annabeth’s struggle with the dumb blonde stereotype will feel a bit out dated. It may even seem forced or confusing to some audiences. Which is why i think making Annabeth black is a perfect update for a modern adaptation.

I really suggest that people read up on misogynoir. Its what Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson faced when she was nominated and during her confirmation. She is so eminently qualified for her position, yet many people insisted otherwise, tried to scrutinize everything to find some hint of incompetence. There have long been stereotypes of both black people and women being unintelligent, and black women got both and then some.

A black Annabeth would undoubtedly face similar, if not greater struggles as her counterpart in the book did. She will also be able to continue to help kids watching the show unlearn their biases, just as she did with me and many others.

Also she can just wear a wig and be both. Calm down.

[randomnameless]

As claude is my fav character in FE16 one of the things that confused me about people praising Three Hopes GW as the "true claude" because GW Claude uses more violent methods to get what he wants and therefore somehow that means he's the manipulative schemer we the devs always intended , it just made me go ??? Like what??

Cause as your post pointed out, he already was a manipulative schemer in FE16. like we know he uses people to try to push things in his favor, but because it wasnt outright violent then somehow that made him a goody two shoes???

Like uh no. He's not a goody two shoes and he has always been morally ambiguous. he always had these flaws. it's one of the reasons I like his character.

the difference was he drew a line at how far he'd go.

Like why bother using force or violence when you have Hilda to charm people into doing what you want? Why fight the church when you can use them to bring in recruits to take down Edelgard and end her war? Why not use Byleths influence to bring people together in Fodlan and then use them to establish peaceful relations between Fodlan and Almyra? Why use violence at all when you can use guile.

Anyway hes always been a little shit lmfao. I can't blame people for not liking him for it either its totally understandable! The reasons you dislike him are why I like (and hate) him. He's secretive and he's manipulative, always has been.

But to his credit, he does have his limits and when he goes too far he steps back , apologizes or admits his faults, reevaluates and tries to do better- with ehh varying outcomes. And that's so realistically human. He's a work in progress.

He chooses to seek the truth, he always wants more information, and he's willing to hear people out. This plus his self awareness and willingness to change his view based on new information is IMO his greatest strengths. Everyone has biases, but how many of us are able to look at ourselves and consider what if I'm wrong.

By the end of the game his character is very different from where he began. His stance on Rhea and Fodlans faith by the end of VW is perhaps one of the most obvious changes.

whoops my venting warped into this LOL sorry 😭😭😭

Ooh don't worry!

I actually don't mind talking about characters with people who don't share the same opinions, if I had to talk to myself it'd be pretty boring lol

But yep, as you said, Claude is a work in progress, and I'll even say he still evolves between VW's end and his epilogue card*!

Yellow units have always been a wild card in FE, they're not your allies like green units, but they have their own allegeances and might become enemy units later on, or not.

And even if Claude has a manipulative streak and sometimes prioritizes his goals instead of the means used to reach that goal, Fe16's Claude is a Claude who is shown being able to take a step back, reconsider, realise he's wrong and ultimately move in another direction.

Claude can apologise and learn.

But there are lines Claude will not cross to reach his goals, at least in Fe16. And those lines are what Flamey jumps over during WC.

Come Nopes and... Clout crosses the same lines VW's Claude wouldn't have crossed, Claude can manipulate and be sneaky, Claude doesn't start wars. Fe16's Claude offers his sympathies to Billy after Jerry kicks the bucket, he doesn't give Billy his best Caellach impersonation.

And when his Nopes version refuses to consider other POVs or even reconsider, it's annoying because, hey, we know Nopes wasn't supposed to portray the lords in a good light else the player who inserted in Billy would feel bad, but we came from a Claude who learns and admits (even if it's subtle) he was wrong...

To a 1st year undergraduate student who thinks he is smarter than everyone in the room, and doesn't even bother to read his syllabus. Claude graduated, Clout didn't, and we have to follow the "non developed" Clout in Nopes making bad decisions on top of bad decisions... Yeah, I can see why it's really annoying for fans of guys character.

* I earlier checked the VW ending painting thingie, Claude apparently is holding a treaty to alliance lords and they are negotiating? But while both sides are backed up by soldiers, only the Almyran ones have weapons?

I know Almyra is a sour subject - I can think of both doylist and watsonian reasons why Claude never adresses the elephant in the room, even in the Fe16 room - but ultimately in his ending cards Almyra and Fodlan finally have their famous peaceful relationships and king Claude even furthers bonds with the two states, so it sort of worked in the end!

[movedtodykedvonte]

Can you explain the song choices please I’m really curious on how and why you chose those Songs for the characters

No probs broski!

Idea of her is because Mia and Ethan are having issues in their relationship in the au. Trust and perceptions were broken or are being reevaluated. It feels more like they are in love with the idea of being together more than they are in love with each other.

Brutus is because the lords envy Rose. Rose was the immediate favorite of Mother Miranda and is the continued favorite of Ethan. They are aware it is childish and silly to be jealous of the affection his child receives but they've never really had it. They want to be fawned over and loved like her and they can't stand they aren't.

The Other Side of Paradise describes the lords and Ethan after everything is over. It is a song of someone finding success in something and leaving another behind. The lords are finally free of Miranda but don't have that love they so longed for. Ethan has his loving family but is trapped in the village with the mold he longed to escape. It's like the "grass is always greener" analogy but the lords and Ethan are looking over each other's fences.

Runs in the Family is about an illness that is passed down, heredity. It kinda represents how the lords and Mia are dealing with everything from the past biting them in the ass. Mia's issues being an agent for the Connections, the Bakers, Eveline, and being kidnapped. The lords' heinous acts, mindsets instilled by Miranda, and their personal issues. It's an experience that bonds them but divides them as well.

Dirty Imbecile is about a guy going through life no matter what it throws at him or how difficult it gets. Ethan literally never gives up even when it seems stupid not to. He is an imbecile with a heart of gold who's not afraid of the nitty-gritty. He is marked by stupid mistakes but also perseverance and this song fits him sticking through with everyone in this au.

Monster is reflective of Mia's self-view and view of the lords. She realizes that none of this would occur if she had been honest with Ethan and not working for the Connections. She feels like she is on the same level as the lords in terms of vileness and hates it but doesn't know how to vent it

Mrs. Potato Head, this one is less about the physical vanity mentioned in the song and more about the fact that Alcina based most of her self-worth on becoming Mother Miranda's favorite. Perfecting herself to the point of it being all she knows how to do. Ethan doesn't care if she's perfect or not but she needs guidance from someone or she feels lost. It's a struggle for her to do something for herself since she did things for Miranda for so long.

Gooey is about naivety and longing to stay in it. Donna and Angie are aware of the serious nature of the situation but want to stay playful. They understand that is a time to reflect on everything and move on but it all feels too similar and they struggle. Both the title and message of the song fit how she is stuck in this mindset while knowing she has to break out.

Sleepy Time is a personal favorite song but it fits Moreau for a multitude of reasons. Mainly it is about longing to live in ignorance again and dream. No nightmares and no more bad times, just R&R. However, the song is distorted towards the end representing that even though this is technically the rest period it's not the calm waters Moreau would have hoped for. It's longing for good times like Moreau so frequently does while knowing a storm is approaching.

The Mind Electric, if this song can't apply to someone in the au, why make the au? Karl is stuck in this weird mental turmoil, it feels like his brain has been shocked and every feeling is being rebooted or is out of whack. It to me is about all the things you feel before dying, the rush and the overwhelming inevitability. Karl feels like that in the au but he doesn't know why. It bothers him.

This was long but this is my reasoning for each song! I wanted the song to match the issue the characters have and how it would be viewed from the outside rather than their own feelings on it.

[cube-cumb3r]

"techno was sure he was in the right" yeah thats the issue FJDKSLFJKL /lh

nah hes a good character i just get Frustrated w him always being so sure hes Right and has Done Nothing Wrong Ever abt things, especially since i used to really REALLY like him. but like that flaw on top of some other stuff kept piling up to the point i just couldnt Stand it :/

bc he IS wrong a lot! and thats okay he should have flaws! but i as the audience am so frustrated by it! and he comes off as an asshole bc of his refusal to see from any other perspective!

and ur fully right abt the execution thing being on schlatt dont get me wrong, my issues is more w stuff like doomsday, tommy ""betraying"" him, his jokes abt having never shot a firework before or killing no one on doomsday, etc. doing that when ppl got genuinely messed up by your actions without ever considering their pov makes you!! look!! like!! an!! asshole!!

im sorry i dont mean to techno crit in your askbox at all, i just. (horse by the ocean) man.

feel free to delete this and not answer it bc again, i Get not wanting to techno discourse 100%. i just wanted to vent to someone about it i guess

see, here's where i'm coming from. i've gotten to the point where i've stopped caring whether characters are in the right or not? like characters are supposed to be in the wrong, they're supposed to make mistakes or be misguided. that's what makes them interesting to me.

you're frustrated by it, but i find it kind of fascinating how techno's view of the world is so filtered through his emotional subjective lens, he misreads other's intentions, he mischaracterizes them frequently, he doesn't understand why others do what they do. i like that. i find it interesting. (and endearing...)

he's so upset by people not considering his own feelings and perspective, which of course he is, everyone would be, yet he never does the same to others? i've stopped being frustrated by it, i've started liking that about him. without it, where would the conflict be?

and he has questioned himself, reevaluated his Praxis let's say, there hasn't been much syndicate stuff yet (can you guys please stream people are making a million takes based on like Nothing), but that's kind of the point of the syndicate, techno reevaluating himself, and his methods. (there's a good post by a c!techno enthusiast about this btw, that i agree with, boop)

i don't think it makes sense for him to feel regret, or remorse, he stands by the things he did, and he probably always will. and that's fine. i've said this before now, but really all i want to see from him is understanding other peoples point of view, which he rarely does. he can understand where other people might've been coming from, and sympathize with them, and still stand by his actions. the only thing i can ever see him be apologetic for is for being an asshole sometimes, or misunderstanding others, but even then like, i don't really care if that doesn't happen?

what does frustrate me however is when the fanbase is exactly the same, they claim he's always in the right ever (tbh they're entitled to their opinion), and they never consider any other characters POV and take all of techno's emotionally charged judgements of others and their intentions at face value. (EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING. STOP DOING THIS. I BEG OF YOU.)

[sunrise-on-callisto]

Roman’s involvement with Gerri breaks a pattern.

I could write essays about my thoughts on Romans sexuality… and I will, possibly! Part one: Roman and Gerri. 

In season 1, Roman makes an offhand remark that he, too, would sleep with Marcia. (Something along those lines; I couldn’t find the scene again). He might be genuinely attracted to her, but I think the crucial point is that Logan is attracted to her, and Roman has such a hollow sense of self that Logan’s desires often replace his own. Roman is deeply ashamed of himself – he views himself as weak and pathetic, as BAD – but he views Logan as strong and virile and GOOD, as everything to strive for, so whoever Logan is attracted to becomes attractive in his eyes as well.

This is also why he finds the idea of Logan and Rhea together arousing and low-key flirts with her.

When Roman meets Tabitha for the first time, he’s immediately enthusiastic about her because she’s “dad’s type”. We have no idea whether she’s his type as well. There is no concept of Roman’s self that isn’t tied to Logan, no space for his own desires and preferences.

Interestingly, Roman’s involvement with Gerri breaks the old pattern.

When Connor suggests that Gerri used to be “the new thing” and implies that Logan might have slept with her in the past, Roman should feel PROUD based on everything we have learned about him so far. He’s gotten closer to being Logan, has become him in some aspects, and he should feel validated and worthy as a result.

But the opposite is the case. He’s genuinely bothered by it.

Why is Roman bothered by it? Does he feel jealous? Is he afraid he might be an afterthought to the possible history between Gerri and Logan, that it’s less about him than about his father?

I think Roman wants the fledgling relationship with Gerri to be its own thing, not something indirectly shaped by his father. This is a huge step forward for him, because it means he has started to distance and individuate himself from Logan. He wants to be his own person, not Logan 2.0.

Roman and Gerri’s relationship is different in a lot of ways, most noticeably because of the mentoring aspect and because it’s actually sexually exciting for him - in contrast to the non-existing sex life he’s had with other partners.

With Tabitha, Roman briefly tries to emulate a conventionally masculine role, basically his father’s understanding of sex and power dynamics, but it’s not authentic and makes both Tabitha and him miserable.

With Gerri, he doesn’t need to present himself in the way he always assumed he would have to present himself. He can be “weak”, or “disgusting”, or “shameful”, and she doesn’t leave him, she stays in his life and continues to support him. It’s the antithesis of what his life has been like so far. It’s acceptance and trust.

I’m curious to see where they are going with these two in season 3. I think Gerri is the reason why Roman is coming into his own, why he has started to accept he doesn’t have to be a copy of his father, why he has started to reevaluate what BAD and GOOD means. I’d love to see him continue on this path.

[writing-noah]

Used and Forgotten

‏‏‎

Eijirou didn't get to 1-A.

His score wasn't enough.

‏‏‎

He didn't even get to the Hero Course. Not by far, barely a couple points, but he still didn't get there.

Instead, he's in the General Department.

‏‏‎

The first few days, he's distracted. He isn't proud of himself. He worked so hard, gave it his very best, and it still wasn't enough. Sure, he got to U.A. But it still didn't feel like enough.

‏‏‎

He felt like a disappointment.

‏‏‎

The bell brought him back to reality, class already over. He moved in auto-pilot, gathering his books and shoving them inside his bag. The rest of people were chatting and already walking away. Some going home, others to their clubs.

Eijirou sighed and stood up from his seat, his feet guiding him to the door.

‏‏‎

"Kirishima."

‏‏‎

He came to a halt, head turning towards the person who called for his name. One of his classmates was looking at him, a smirk on his face.

He frowned, trying to remember his name.

‏‏‎

"You're... Monoma, was it?"

His classmate nodded, walking towards him. "Monoma Neito."

"Kirishima Eijirou," he introduced himself.

Neito snorted. "I know. So! Why do you look so depressed?"

"...excuse me?"

"Every time I see you, you're radiating sadness. It's annoying."

That made him frown. "I'm so sorry for annoying you, your Majesty. I shall try my best not to bother you." His tone was sarcastic, and he gave him an exaggerated bow.

That made Neito grin wider. "Good. Moping and crying won't take you anywhere. If you want to get better, you have to keep pushing yourself, pinecone."

His eyes went wide. "What..."

"Come on, you're extremely easy to read. You're sad about not getting to the Hero Course? You wanted to be in 1-A?"

"Who wouldn't?" Eijirou looked away, arms crossed on his chest.

"If you show them you have what it takes, then they can transfer you. We still have time to prepare ourselves for the Sports Festival and have a chance to switch classes. But you have to work for it." He shrugged, starting to walk away.

Eijirou felt a rush of adrenaline invade him, and he burst out of the classroom. "Monoma!!"

The boy stopped, turning his head to look at him over the shoulder. "Yes?"

"I... I want to be stronger," he clenched his fist, eyebrows furrowed in determination. "I want to show them what I can do."

"And are you willing to work for it?"

"One hundred percent."

He seemed satisfied with that answer. "We'll talk tomorrow. Arrange schedules. I'll help you out."

"You'd do that!?"

"Unless you'd rather train alone."

"No!! Not at all, dude! Thank you!" Eijirou smiled at him, bowing slightly. "I'll be looking forward to it!"

‏‏‎

That was the first time Neito saw him smile. A genuine smile. Not like the ones he faked when another classmate approached him.

It made his stomach twist.

He turned to look forward, resuming his walk.

‏‏‎

"We'll start tomorrow."

‏‏‎

‏‏‎

That's basically how their friendship started.

It was like Monoma knew Eijirou's fire was fading and just poured gasoline onto it to make it burn again, brighter and bigger than ever.

The next day, they agreed on a schedule. Sparring, gym visits, quirk strengthening. Their bond was based on working together and pushing each other to be better. To work harder.

They encouraged each other, cheered if one of them was getting tired, helped the other finish the day successfully.

‏‏‎

They were partners.

‏‏‎

‏‏‎

But it didn't last for long.

‏‏‎

"Neito!! I need you! Now!" Eijirou's voice made him turn around, an eyebrow raised.

"What is it? I'm eating, pinecone!"

"You can eat later!!" His friend grabbed him by the arm, pulling him up from his seat forcefully. That made him drop his onigiri.

"I can't eat later, we have class!!" He miraculously snatched his bento from the table, chopsticks falling to the floor because of it.

‏‏‎

Eijirou ignored him and kept dragging and pulling him, taking no notice of the looks the rest of his classmates gave him. Once they exited the cafeteria, they started going up the stairs. He was running extremely fast, skipping steps and pushing doors open. Monoma had a hard time keeping up.

They finally stopped at the rooftop, Neito dropping on the nearest bench as he tried to even out his breathing.

‏‏‎

"What's gotten into you, Eijirou!? Was that really necessary!?"

‏‏‎

He was about to go on about his absurd behavior, but he found himself speechless when he saw his face.

Eijirou was pale, sweat sliding down from his forehead. He was fidgeting with something, eyes looking around.

He couldn't help but get worried, leaving his bento on the bench and getting up.

‏‏‎

"Hey, what's wrong? You look like you're about to pass out."

"I may be! I'm just... The, um... This..." He bit his lip, and Monoma noticed his hands were shaking while holding onto something.

"Eijirou?"

"Just look at this," he shoved the thing between his hands on Neito's chest, which he grabbed clumsily.

"Alright...?"

‏‏‎

He looked down at it, a blank envelope between his hands. He turned it around, U.A.'s logo coming to view.

His eyes went wide.

‏‏‎

'No way...'

‏‏‎

He opened it, the small white artifact falling to his palm. The moment he pressed the button, a hologram with All Might appeared.

‏‏‎

"This message is for young Kirishima Eijirou, student of U.A."

‏‏‎

He saw how his friend's shoulders tensed up, and he covered his ears.

Monoma focused back on the hologram.

‏‏‎

"Through the use of this hologram, we communicate to you that your request has been considered! We evaluated your capabilities and discussed it with the rest of the teachers in the institution. We decided to grant you your wish."

‏‏‎

Neito felt a knife go through his chest.

‏‏‎

"We have seen your improvement and consider you worthy of a chance, young Kirishima! You will be transferred to Class 1-A in the Hero Course. This means the classes you will be having from now on will be tougher, and you will need to work hard if you want to maintain your place there. From this following Monday, you will be attending Class 1-A. We have sent your new schedule via email." All Might smiled, nodding towards the camera as he gave it a thumbs up. "Congratulations, young Kirishima!"

‏‏‎

The hologram ended.

Neito found himself between shouting and crying.

‏‏‎

"Is it done?" Eijirou turned to look at him, slowly lowering his hands from his ears. "Your face looks awful... I think I already know what they sa—"

"You made it," Neito interrupted, eyes on his friend.

"...what?"

"You made it, Eijirou. You'll be with Class 1-A starting next Monday."

It took a minute for his friend to digest it, and his eyes went wide. "For real!? They said yes!?"

"See for yourself, you idiot!" Neito threw the hologram towards him, and Eijirou was quick to activate it.

‏‏‎

Hearing those words again made Neito want to cry even more.

‏‏‎

"No way..." His friend was already crying, a hand over his mouth. "I made it, I really did... I passed..." A huge smile took over his face as he turned towards him. "I did it, Neito!!"

"You did!!"

They were tightly hugging each other seconds after that, both in tears.

‏‏‎

For Eijirou, because his happiness and excitement got the best of him.

For Neito, because he knew this meant he would lose his best friend. And he hated that.

‏‏‎

‏‏‎

«««««««»»»»»»»

‏‏‎

Days later, Neito received an answer for his request. He wanted to be with Eijirou, so he asked the teachers to reevaluate him and consider transferring him to the Hero Course.

But he was transferred to Class 1-B.

‏‏‎

He didn't make it.

‏‏‎

«««««««»»»»»»»

‏‏‎

‏‏‎

There's a new exam. It's a 1vs1 between the two classes: 1-A and 1-B.

And, of course, Neito has to go against Eijirou.

They both positioned themselves in the battleground, the fight about to start. They weren't the only ones in the arena; other people around them were also about to begin.

‏‏‎

"Good luck, Monoma!" The boy in front of him smiled.

‏‏‎

Eijirou's voice made him sick.

‏‏‎

"I don't need your luck."

‏‏‎

Seeing how his smile twitched amused him just as much as it hurt him.

‏‏‎

When the fight started, Kirishima was the one who launched towards him. He tried to punch his cheek, hit his side, tackle him to the ground.

Monoma dodged every attack.

He still remembered how he moved every time they sparred and practice, but that wasn't the reason why he was able to dodge him so easily. He would find himself unconsciously looking at him every time he saw him fighting. Both inside the establishment and outside of it, when he was on TV being broadcasted.

Neito recognized his repeated movements, how he tried to use punches all the time instead of switching it up a bit, how he would always try to finish it off quickly instead of taking his time to study his opponent and attack based on what he observed.

He noticed how Eijitou started getting frustrated after not landing any hits, the seconds ticking loudly from all the clocks he had.

It made him smirk.

‏‏‎

"What happened, Red Riot!? Have you been slacking off? Not practicing enough?" He dodged another hit and pushed him away. His competitor was getting angry, the attacks quicker than the previous ones. "My, that's a pity. Are villain attacks too tiring for you? Getting rusty? Too much free time at your internship? Or maybe you're simply lazy!"

"Shut up!!" Eijirou threw another punch, this one getting to Monoma's hardened arm.

"Should I!?" He laughed, pushing him backwards with a kick to the chest. "Look at you! You can barely fight against me!! Is this what they teach you in 1-A? How to fail? Maybe you should go back to the beginning! Remember all that? It could help!"

"What the fuck happened to you!?" Eijirou's sudden yelling made him freeze.

‏‏‎

He was steps away from him, breathing loudly as he looked at him straight in the eyes.

His face showed anger, eyebrows furrowed deeply and nose scrunched up. But Neito recognized that hidden sadness and hurt behind his eyes.

‏‏‎

"Why are you acting like such a prick, Monoma!? You were never like this!! You were completely different, dude!! What the hell happened!?"

Monoma stared back at him. Then, he exploded in laughter.

"You are asking me what happened!?" He placed both hands on his stomach, squeezing it tightly. Then, he sighed, staring at the ceiling for a second before turning his attention towards him, furious. "Are you stupid!? You know exactly what happened!! You never cared about your classmates! You never cared about me!! You used me to get to that stupid, useless class!!"

Neito clenched his fists, his blood boiling. "You were so obsessed with it, you never thought about anything else!! Do you even remember that we were your friends before THEM!?" He pointed at the people gathered steps away from them. 1-A. His new friends. "You abandoned us so easily!! Forgot about us instantly!! You fucking REPLACED me!! And now, you have the AUDACITY to ask WHAT HAPPENED!?"

"That's not—"

"SHUT UP!!!" Monoma enlarged his hands using Kendou's quirk, which he copied right before the combat began. He grabbed an unguarded Eijirou with it, hardening it in a combination of both quirks. Then, he started to squeeze. "I helped you with EVERYTHING!! It's thanks to ME that you're with THEM!! AND YOU THANK ME BY FORGETTING IT ALL!!!" He turned around, using the momentum to slam him against one of the walls with as much strength as possible.

‏‏‎

His hand returned to its original size, probably because of the teacher's quirk. He didn't really pay attention to it.

He was having trouble breathing after getting so worked up, but his eyes were still on his opponent.

Eijirou was on the floor, crumbles of the wall on his body. He noticed him shaking, gasping for air. His arms were covered in wounds and lacerations, blood starting to roll down from them onto the floor.

Neito started walking towards him.

‏‏‎

"Get up," he spat, voice trembling with anger. He watched the other struggle, a hand applying pressure on his side while he tried to get back on his feet and failed. That only made him angrier. "GET UP!!"

‏‏‎

A string of blood appeared next to Monoma, holding him by his wrists and preventing him from getting closer to Eijirou. He still continued to watch him.

The boy lifted himself up for a few seconds before collapsing back on the floor.

‏‏‎

"You are supposed to be a hero? Don't make me laugh. You don't have what it takes... Guess Crimson was wrong."

‏‏‎

He didn't mean that. He didn't mean to pronounce those words with so much venom. Watching the pain in Eijirou's eyes made his heart hurt worse than ever before.

He felt tears rolling down his face, burning his skin and making his chest feel incredibly tight.

‏‏‎

"That's enough, Monoma." A hand was placed on his shoulder, Vlad by his side. He reabsorbed the blood used to hold him back, while Aizawa walked past them towards his student.

‏‏‎

He needed to get out of there. Now.

‏‏‎

"Monoma?" The moment he heard Komori next to him, he touched her arm and copied her quirk. He then used it to create a smokescreen, quickly running away from the building.

‏‏‎

‏‏‎

«««««««»»»»»»»

‏‏‎

‏‏‎

He heard the door for the tenth time, a growl falling from his lips. He sat up on the bed, turning towards it.

‏‏‎

"Get out, Kendou!! I'm not in the damn mood!"

‏‏‎

When another knock echoed in his room, he finally stood up and swung the door open.

‏‏‎

"Don't you understand I—!?"

‏‏‎

His voice died when he saw Eijirou at his doorstep, a hand scratching the back of his neck.

He was looking away from him, lips pressed together in nervousness. The tank top he was wearing left his bandaged arms uncovered, and he noticed the bandages went from wrist to shoulder. But other than that, he looked alright.

It was a relief.

‏‏‎

"Can we talk?"

He frowned, arms crossed on his chest. "We have nothing to talk about. Just forget about me. You're good at that."

When he tried to shut the door, a foot prevented him from doing so. "Please. We really need to talk."

The boy stared at his eyes, a sad expression on his face. Neito bit his lip.

‏‏‎

‘Curse those puppy eyes.’

‏‏‎

He turned around, walking back to his bed and leaving the door open for his visitor.

Eijirou closed the door behind himself and remained there, fidgeting with a strand of hair as he looked around awkwardly.

‏‏‎

"Are you going to stand there and do nothing?" He didn't look back at him, entertaining himself with the stress ball Kendou bought him months ago.

"Just... Just let me think about where to start for a sec."

"What are you here to talk about, Kirishima?" He felt the cushion sinking beside him, his body tensing up when he realized Eijirou sat down next to him. Monoma forced himself to look at him.

‏‏‎

The boy had his elbows on his knees, hands covering his face as he sighed lengthily. Then, his hands moved to his hair, starting to pull slightly.

It was a habit Neito hated.

‏‏‎

"Stop that," he took his hands and lowered them, placing the stress ball between them. Eijirou started squeezing it almost instantly.

"Thank you," his voice was barely a whisper, and he took his time before speaking again. "I'm sorry, Neito."

"What about?"

"Well... everything." He chuckled weakly. "I hurt you, and I'm really sorry about that. You helped me train to give my best effort at the Sports Festival, you were with me when the results came in, you supported me and helped me out even some time after we changed classes." His hand squeezed the ball tighter. "I didn't mean to start being... distant. I kept myself busy with classes and training, then the villain attacks happened, then I started working with Fat Gum... And, because of all that, I ended up losing you."

"I was always there for you, even when you didn't realize it. You didn't lose me, pinecone."

Eijirou's lips curled up ever so slightly at that nickname. Then, they were pressed back into a line. "I know, but it wasn't the same. You said it yourself, I was so focused on my class I... ignored you. You were there for me, helping me out when I started doubting myself. You helped me be better... and I didn't even make the effort to keep talking with you and hanging out." He dropped his forehead to his hands. "I'm a terrible friend, and you have every right to be angry at me. I'm so, so sorry, Neito."

"It's fine, you were busy. It still bothered me, but I understand."

"Even if I was, I could've done something! Text you, maybe hang out on a weekend and catch up, anything!! I didn't even make the effort to be there for you! I didn't even try!" One of his hands slid down his face, while the other was still preoccupied with the stress ball. "You were right... I don't deserve having Crimson's support. I don't deserve to be a hero."

"Okay, that's bullshit," Neito shoved him to the side, successfully drawing the attention towards himself. "I have to apologize for that. I was just angry and said anything I could think of to hurt you... You've worked hard to get where you are, Eijirou. You've improved a lot, even if you don't see that. Honestly, I've been watching you on tv and sparring matches, and your stamina and strength are outstanding. You still tend to repeat punches instead of trying new stuff up, but you can break that habit easily if you're conscious about it. You're charismatic, and selfless, and so, so strong. You deserve to be a hero."

"Thanks, Jack." They both laughed at that nickname.

"See? If we need to be honest here, I think the one who doesn't deserve to be a hero would be me."

"What!? No way!! What are you talking about, dude!?" Eijirou sat up straight, staring at him in disbelief.

"It's the truth! Even your stupid nickname got it right! 'Jack of all trades, and master of none.' I can do a lot of things, copy quirks and use them for myself, but I don't have a quirk I can call my own. I just steal it from someone who actually has one and use it for my own benefit. It's nothing special. It's not a quirk people imagine for a hero."

"...how long have you been thinking that, Nei-Nei?"

He snorted. "All my life? Ever since I got my quirk, I knew the dream of becoming a hero wouldn't be an easy one. Getting into U.A. was already a surprise for me. Even more surprising the fact I could get transferred."

"But you were able to!! Your quirk is amazing, Neito!"

"Stealing is amazing? Go figure." Eijirou punched his shoulder. "Hey!!"

"You don't steal, dumbass! Your quirk is to borrow someone's power and make it your own. You have to improvise, to know about quirks, to think outside the box and use quirks in a way the original user can't think of. You were able to use two quirks at once, too!! Any hero would kill for your quirk!"

He rolled his eyes at that. "Now you're just being dramatic."

"I'm not! Remember the attack that happened time ago? How heroes couldn't do anything because none of them had a quirk with an advantage against the villain? You would never have that problem because you can have a bunch of powers stored and ready to use!!"

"Only if I'm prepared beforehand."

"You always are, let's be honest here."

He frowned. "What's that supposed to mean, you pinecone!?" This time, it was Neito the one who punched the other's shoulder, making him start laughing.

"Dude, careful with the bruises! I'm still healing!"

‏‏‎

They spent the rest of the afternoon chatting and catching up after so long, sharing experiences and telling stories about their classes. It was a fun time, simply laying on Neito's bed, staring at the ceiling while listening to each other, some comments and teasing here and there.

Just like old times.

‏‏‎

"I really missed this. I'm glad you don't hate me anymore, Jack." Neito's frown made him laugh.

"Hate is a strong word... But an accurate one. You hurt me, idiot."

"I know, I'm sorry... I can't believe my stupid feelings caused all that."

He blinked at that, turning to look at him. "What? What do you mean ‘feelings’?"

Eijirou turned as red as his hair. "I just fucked up so bad. Can we pretend I didn't say that?"

"There's no way in Hell I'm ignoring that! Explain yourself!"

The boy grabbed one of the pillows and covered his face with it, sighing exaggeratedly. "I'll asphyxiate myself." His muffled voice made him snort.

"Stop that!" Neito grabbed the pillow and ripped it from Eijirou's face, still looking at him. "Talk."

He looked away, taking multiple breaths to find the courage to speak. "The reason why I started being distant... it wasn't just because."

"There was a reason?"

His friend snorted. "Of course there was! I didn't distance myself from you because I used you, or because I got tired of you. It was... because of my feelings."

"What feelings, pinecone. You're being so damn cryptic. Spit it out!"

"I started falling for you, okay!?" He blurted out, covering his face with both hands. "At first I thought it was only a stupid crush that would go away eventually, but we started spending so much time together, and you were there when I had no one, and we shared so many things..."

Neito was speechless, eyes wide as the gears inside his head started turning. "You-"

"I'm sorry!! I really am! But I was so fucking terrified! I already got my heart broken once, and I promised myself I wouldn't fall in love again, and then you came into my life and just decided to tear down all my walls! I got scared!" He snatched the pillow from the other's hands, covering his face with it once again. "Fuuuuuuck."

‏‏‎ Monoma blinked slowly, his eyes on his friend. He was in a fetal position, his back to him as he kept mumbling and cursing into the pillow.

He simply smiled.

‏‏‎ "Eijirou. Drop the pillow and look at me. I can barely hear you."

"No!"

"I want to speak to your face, not your ass!"

"I'd rather you reject me while looking at my ass!"

Neito laughed, a hand pinching the bridge of his nose. "Who said anything about a rejection!? Turn around!"

He saw the other's body tense up, and he slowly turned around. Then, he lowered the pillow, looking at him. "What?"

"Are you free Saturday afternoon? We can go watch that new movie you mentioned and maybe dine out?"

Eijirou's eyebrows shot up, eyes wide. "Like... a date?"

"Yes, pinecone. Like a date."

‏‏‎ He smiled brightly, red still painted on his cheeks. ‏‏‎ 

"I'd love to!"

‏‏‎

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hi, I just found your blog. And I actually haven’t read anything yet but I saw that you do crystal and star match ups and that is so niche and cool I haven’t come across that ever so I thought it warrants support.

I’m really excited to your works! I am actually interested to get a star match up if that’s possible for a new follower.

I’d like to ship myself with Kuroo as of lately that guy is the only guy I can’t get out of my head lol.

I read that the big three make up your personality but inner placements and planets: (Sun, Moon, Rising, Mercury, Venus, and Mars) have a bigger impact on your personality than the outer planets so I figured I’d offer that too.

My sun sign is Aquarius

Moon sign is Sagittarius

My ascending/rising sign is Libra

Mercury sign Pisces

Venus sign is Aquarius

And Mars sign is Aquarius.

𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕣 𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕦𝕡 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕂𝕦𝕣𝕠𝕠

𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑡𝑠 🪐

The Planets Mars and Pluto rule Scorpio, and the Planets Saturn and Uranus rule Aquarius.

Mars is a revolutionary, aggressive and spirited masculine energy, and Pluto enlightens these impulses and adds a rebirthing, cyclical quality.

Saturn is a cool, contained energy, and Uranus is about all things different and unusual.

Mars is emotional, reacting without thinking things through; such is the nature of Scorpio.

Saturn demands of Aquarius much hard work and discipline, while Uranus gives them that forward thinking mind.

A gentle Scorpio lover, careful not to tether an Aquarius in too tightly can teach their mate about a life based on emotional intuition, one that quiets the intellect sometimes in favor of physical sensation.

Understanding Aquarians can teach their serious Scorpio mates to calm down, to detach themselves from uncontrollable situations and to reevaluate their goals if they get off course.

𝐸𝑙𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 🔥💧🍃🌬

Scorpio is a Water Sign, and Aquarius is an Air Sign.Air is about the intellect, so Aquarius tackles life as one chance to grow and explore after another, while Scorpio is more analytical.

Scorpio looks for purpose, and Aquarius seeks stimulation.

These love mates have trouble understanding one another’s origin of thought.

Confrontations arise is Scorpio’s possessiveness gets the better of them or if Aquarius seems too cool and flippant and denies Scorpio emotional reassurance.

Both need to learn that they view the world in different ways and they should celebrate and laugh at their differences.

𝑇𝑟𝑢𝑠𝑡 🤞

How on Earth is it possible for two honest and straightforward individuals such as Scorpio and Aquarius to have such a problem to trust each other?

The problem here shows its face when they get too close.

As soon as Scorpio starts to assume that Aquarius should be tamer and belong to them in a loving relationship, it will result in a forceful rebellion and the counterattack of their partner.

Things could really get out of control if any sort of manipulation takes place, and unspoken tendencies might tear them apart in a matter of minutes.

𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑢𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 🤝

For as long as they don’t give in to their stubborn, unmovable modes, these partners could have great conversations about all strange topics they can imagine.

None of them will want to have small talk or discuss their day at work. It is futile from their perspective, and although Scorpio likes to be in control of everything their partner does, it will be refreshing to talk to someone who says unusual things.

The biggest quality of their relationship is an incredible connection of depth and width in only one couple.

They will both have trouble understanding our society as it is, and have certain similar perspectives on anything out of the ordinary.

Scorpio exalts Aquarius’ ruler and this is why their relationship is the possibility for both of them to grow.

Not only will Scorpio adore the intellectual strength of their partner, but they will also help them understand the way their ideas might be realized through a feeling of ultimate possibility.

The weakest link in their relationship is their respect for each other, combined with their static natures.

We would think that both of these signs are in connection to change and they couldn’t possibly be static, but in fact, they are static in their way of change, and their biggest challenge is to stop for a minute and treasure what they’ve found in each other.

𝐸𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 😠😔😊

If love happens between them, the most typical scenario is for Scorpio to fall into an obsessive mess of feelings towards their uninterested Aquarius partner.

It takes a lot of work and commitment to reach the emotional core of Aquarius, and it is impossible to get there without spontaneity and trust.

Scorpio can be spontaneous in situations that are free of emotions, but will rarely let their love for someone be a part of a maybe-yes-maybe-no swing controlled by their partner.

Aquarius will rarely tolerate or be with someone who tries to make them be more stable and down to earth, or anyone who quenches their desire to be free.

As soon as they feel obligated to do anything, they will start pulling away and any emotion that might have been developing will suddenly be covered by the fear of commitment and the rut of everyday life.

If they want to reach emotional balance, Scorpio has to be untied, realize that their partner will never belong to them and that they are free to leave anytime.

They will have to understand that this relationship might end tomorrow and there is nothing they can do about it but accept it.

On the other hand, Aquarius will have to confront their emotional depth and be ready to make certain changes in their approach to romantic relationships, so they can steadily feel understand Scorpio’s emotional nature.

𝑉𝑎𝑙𝑢𝑒𝑠 🤲

They will both value excitement and change and this will be a strong meeting point for their characters.

Unfortunately, most of the other things they would value in their partner are completely different.

While Aquarius values free spirit, communication and independence, Scorpio values commitment and deep emotional connection.

𝑆ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝐴𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑦𝑠 💪

For as long as they stay out of their ego battle, they could find many things to do together.

They will both like to take risks of any kind and their best date could be anything from parachute jumping to a night out in a casino.

The best way for them to spend some quality time together is in some sort of intellectual activities and competitions, because this would allow them to manifest their possible hostility in a healthy way.

𝑆𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦 💕

When Scorpio and Aquarius make a love match, it is a fusion of two very different life philosophies and many very different needs.

There is much chance for friction here.

Where Scorpio faces their inner emotional world directly and with an intense energy, thinking deeply about the more hidden undercurrents of life

Aquarius takes that same sort of energy and turns it outward.

With their unusual, idealistic and, above all else, very social outlook on life, Aquarius seems an odd choice for the more introverted Scorpio.

Aquarius needs a crowd to feel stimulated, and they’re always looking around the room for the next interesting person to get to know.

Scorpio, on the other hand, desires engaging, probing and very intimate time with their romantic mates.

This pair may seem to have very little in common, but they both have such strong wills that, when focused on their relationship, can get them what they need and want.

Both Scorpio and Aquarius can be uncooperative and opinionated: They like things to go their way, no questions asked!

For this love match, though, ‘their ways’ are very dissimilar. Scorpio is inquisitive, digging deeply into the hidden meaning of things, always asking questions and wanting to know where things are going and why.

Aquarius is progressive and affable yet does not enjoy detail. Scorpio may be enticed by their differences, as Aquarius shows them new, exterior worlds but may end up frustrated trying to get answers from this eccentric enigma.

Aquarius does not welcome possessiveness, either, preferring to belong to the world rather than one single person.

But a stinging Scorpion can be fiercely possessive, and they require more attention than an Aquarian might be able to give.

If Aquarius slows down and pays attention, they may find the devotion Scorpio provides to be a great support.

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Hello, I read your post from yesterday with interest . I’ve contacted a number of cc shippers and have always been polite and always limit myself to one basic question when I do ask, so I don’t think I could possible cause offence.

My question always is: why do you believe it so much? Or is it because you want to believe it. You were a teenager when the show aired - do you not understand more now about the dynamics involved?

This fandom is obsessed with shipping, is your fascination with the actors being together not similar to people’s fascination with pezberry or Kurtbastian?

You say they must have dated during the show. Darren has always said he is straight. In questioning this, are you not questioning his integrity and honesty? He has numerous gay friends, do you not think they would call him out for maintaining he’s straight? Or that there is no reason why he needs to lie? He has a wife , who seems to be trashed daily by certain cc shippers - is that not just a horrible thing to do?

I have seen every scene, every kiss, every look, every movement over analysed to try and prove something was going on. Likewise, every event they attended , and still even on zoom meet ups, people try to read into what each of them says to try and say they’re together. It’s all a bit silly. They had great onscreen chemistry definitely seasons 2-4, but Darren did with Chord too for example, and Chris with Adam Lambert, but it doesn’t mean these were offscreen relationships.

Sorry this is a bit long, but I’d be grateful for your views.

*sigh*

Aight I’m gonna be real with you. As I recently saw someone say: you can be right and still be annoying. Similarly, you can be polite and still carry a hugely condescending and high and mighty tone.

Also, i know the topic is a bit (for some fucking reason) taboo, but if you really thought you were being polite, I doubt you’d hide behind an anon button and message me directly instead.

first of all, I would like to point out that this isn’t “one simple question” as you claim it is lmao, it’s actually kind of several. but I’m happy to answer your questions if itll make you a more tolerant person :)

I never said I believed in it with absolute faith, so I would appreciate you not putting words in my mouth. I did say I think they might have dated during filming, and this varies from person to person for sure! There were definitely days where I was like “lmao, I’m a lunatic, there’s no way this can be true.” Truly everything is just on things that felt off or hunches I’ve had. I don’t KNOW anything for sure, although some people may be more certain than me, and they are entitled to do so! It’s literally just a hunch, just an opinion, but I’m allowed it and so is everyone else

Yeah, I was a teenager when this aired, and I feel like you’re a teenager now?? (I may be wrong, but I feel like I’ve seen you around on Twitter because I’ve seen threads like this that give you clout for asking “sincere” questions for cc shippers come from the same person/group) And I’m not sure what you meant by “do you not understand more now about the dynamics involved?” which dynamics? Involved in what? Be specific. Show your work.

I would say my interested in cc is different than kurtbastian or pezberry because both of those ships are based on fictional characters so I really don’t understand what the comparison is there? but if you meant that it’s not “canon” then ummm idek where to start there. The real world and fictional worlds work differently! Just thought to throw that out there :)

Again, i never said they MUST have dated. I said I think they dated. Pleeeeeaaase stop putting words in my mouth, I would SUPER appreciate it! I don’t think I’m questioning Darren’s integrity or honesty at all in my belief that he may have possibly had a relationship with a man!

I’m gay. I’ve told people I’m straight because either I’m 1) not ready to come out to family 2) afraid of losing my job or 3) none of your damn business! My numerous gay friends don’t call me out for “maintaining I’m straight” because it’s not their place to push me out of the closet. If anything, they understand my situation more than anyone else law possibly could. Also, this is just me personally, but I highkey think the implication that those staying in the closet (for whatever reasons) are being dishonest is super gross and disrespectful. Closeted people exist, and while I’m not saying that’s definitively the case here, I would take it into consideration before saying something like that

As for mia, people are allowed to have opinions about her. Just as certain people don’t like Heather or Darren or literally any other public figures, they are allowed to dislike her. And I think if they aren’t sending her hate tweets... why the fuck would she care? she’s not crying over it every day like “oh no a group of maybe twenty people on tumblr with anonymous pseudonyms hate me woe is me” nah she has a life to get on with. And if it upsets you so much I would recommend blocking them or unfollowing them.

That last part wasn’t a question, so I’m not sure if you wanted me to respond? It was kind of just you stating your view, which, cool, but you did say you had “one simple question” for me lol but thanks for sharing!

If you’re wondering why I answered with the tone I did, I would reread your ask and reevaluate yours. You might think you were being polite, but honest to god it felt like a poor attempt at a “gotcha!” ask. Your wording, your condescending tone, saying things like “do you not understand so and so? do you believe it because you WANT to? Is that not just a horrible thing to do?” REALLY came off as patronizing so. Just an FYI. But you might have known that.

Send whatever asks you want, but if you’re gonna be a dick, don’t hide behind the farce of diplomacy and objectivity

[funkymbtifiction]

Sorry for bothering, but I was wondering what the differences would be between a 6 and a 4? (Sorry in advance for this being long)

For a while now I’ve been having trouble with finding out my enneagram type. About a year ago I would constantly take tests and over-analyze everything I did to the point where I was be too afraid to do anything because it would be more like one type than another. For a good chunk of the year it’d be on my mind, I was constantly reevaluating myself because I was afraid of being the wrong type, I wanted to know myself better but was afraid that everything I had known had been wrong all along.  

I only recently found out that enneagram tests aren’t that reliable, but for a while I would get 4, 6, and 9. In real life I have really bad anxiety I take medicine for, so I always dismissed 6 being a possibility since I thought it didn’t mean literal anxiety. I wasn’t 100% on being a 4, I always felt out of place growing up but I never had the strong need for wanting to find my identity (until my big identity crisis about a year ago). I really only considered being a 6 after reading a post not that long ago. It talking about the healthy/unhealthy versions of the head triad. Reading the unhealthy 6 description felt like a punch to the gut, I realized that year long period of me being anxious sounded a lot similar to a unhealthy 6. But after reading about the healthy 6, I wasn’t sure if I related as much as before. A lot of stuff I find makes it sound like 6s are rigid think of nothing but security and are always panicking, which didn’t feel quite right. The doubt grew more when I’d read infp 6 descriptions, I’d find parts I could identify with but would feel unsure about. 

In one of the infp 6 descriptions, it said that they often have rigid morals that they are very strict about. There are a things I do care extremely care about, but a lot of the time I find myself questioning the things around me. One day I might feeling strongly about something only to find myself hesitant and unconfident the next. Sometimes my family will think something is/isn’t safe/a good idea, only for me to butt in and say why it might not be. My family calls me a real downer and will get onto me for not having fun, even though I’m just saying that something might not be a good idea or that something isn’t a big of a deal everyone is making it out to be. Which I feel like could be a 6 thing, but there are times where I will overlook things or dismiss something because I don’t see it as a real threat…

——————————-

You are a sp/so 6w7 (694? sounds like the rabbit hole of self-doubt, re-analyzing, and swirling around the bowl second-guessing decisions of the 694). Over-analyzing, approaching figuring out your type from a “head” space (thinking, rethinking, analyzing, doubting, distrusting), being inconsistent in your views and changing, waking up and seeing the other side the next day, etc, are all correlated with the “busy brain” of the 6w7, which experiences self-doubt at trusting its own instincts and is looking for a truth to hold onto.

sp/so 6w5 SJ 6s think a lot about security, but an NFP 6w7 would not, since there’s always that element of “it might go wrong…” from 6 followed by Ne + 7 “eh, it’ll be fine, I’ll worry about that later” distracted-ness (poor Si planning skills means leaving dealing with stuff you don’t want to think about, especially boring stuff like insurance or buying enough noodles to last through the zombie apocalypse, for later).

As a core 6w7, I can confirm that your uncertain thought process is pure 6 – I deal with this sort of thing (being super sure, then doubting it and thinking up alternatives due to the 7 influence/lack of a self-anchor) on a daily basis … and the reason I suggest 9 fixed is because there’s no sense of 1ish “gut instinct of what’s right” to calm any of that down, you are just … swaying in the breeze and not sure where to turn. And I know too well that uncertainty and angst tied to possibly being the wrong type, misrepresenting yourself, being wrong about yourself, and not being able to tackle “who I am” from a place of instinct.

6s are not balls of anxiety all the time, just cautious, inconsistent, contrarian, argumentative, have a trust/distrust push and pull with anxiety, and security-seeking. Most of the time, I’m good-natured and of the “eh, who cares? it’ll be fine” mindset. I bounce back and forth between irrational idealistic optimism (Ne + wing 7/9 fix) and pessimistic predictions.

In a nutshell, a core 4 isn’t over-analyzing. At all. It’s all about reacting to the world on an emotional/identity level and screaming to the rooftops that whatever the world is selling, or you are trying to bring to them, is “not me” – so the problem the core 4 falls into is rejecting everything outside it, and trying to construct an image for other people to respect based on the broken pieces of themselves. They broadcast an aesthetic of brokenness and being misunderstood and envy for the beautiful life others have, that they cannot seem to find, due to their chronic dissatisfaction with life and their refusal to allow themselves to accept simple joys. Think Anne Shirley, who cannot quite find total happiness at Green Gables because she sees herself as “ugly and freckled” and she has red hair, which she hates. She has love and a home and a family, but dammit, her life is still ruined because of her red hair. She is doing that 4ish envy of wanting what others have (dark hair, beauty) and allowing that to define her, while at the same time being arrogant about her intelligence, and escalating into loud emotional displays tied to her identity. The 4 copes with their sense of feeling like an alien born to the wrong family (therefore a burden to everyone) by trying to transform it into an image of elitism, to make themselves feel better (”I may not be wanted or understood or needed, but at least I don’t have plebeian interests like the rest of you!”).

4 fixes, as I have witnessed them so far, can either fall into stubborn displays of “that is not me, and I will not conform to what you want, and you are not more broken and therefore unique than I am” (with a reactive core), or softer, quieter sense of internal brokenness that cannot be fixed, which makes them someone no one can love (with a quieter core – 9w1 for instance, or a higher 9w1 fix). But they will always manifest as some sort of turning to others and showing them your brokenness, that piece of yourself that you are sure nobody can love, and half-expecting rejection for it. It can also fall into criticism of the people you love for no real reason other than “disdain” and the 4ish tendency to long for things you cannot/do not have (and if you got them, you might not want them and/or find them tarnished in some way).

The good thing about being a 6 is now you KNOW what you are doing (over-analyzing needlessly) you can start catching yourself doing it, and remind yourself that you think too much and should just “act” more. You can learn to breathe and center yourself in your body and ask yourself what YOU think and feel and want about a situation rather than seeking external input. You have to work at stopping the cycle of over-think and don’t have to face the unenviable 4 task of realizing you do not have to construct an identity out of an un-fixable sense of brokenness and chronic dissatisfaction.

[ts-unpopular-opinions]

Side Tracks opinions part 3: Logan

(Here I go again! Logan’s playlist is a bit more straightforward than the other bois, so heres hoping this one doesn’t take me as long 🤞)

1) The Elements: Not much to say. It just a literal musical list of the periodic table of elements. You can’t get much more Logan than that 😂 Also, Logan likes chemistry!

2) White and Nerdy: Apart from the obvious listing of nerdy things and the legitimate title, Logan feels like he doesn’t always get taken seriously enough by the other sides (“I wanna roll with the gangstas, But so far they all think I'm too White and nerdy” “I wanna bowl with the gangstas, But, oh well, it's obvious I'm White and nerdy”). Basically Logan is a big nerd and a dork. He knows that and he’s worried that sometimes it ostracizes him from the others.

3) Algorithm: Logan doesn’t understand humans very well, at least, he doesn’t understand anything but the logical aspect of humans and the world. He has a different view on life than the other sides (“Supercomputer status, walkin' along streets”). He thinks that the dilemmas and problems in the world would not exist if it wasnt for humans throwing a wrench into all of it with their feelings and emotions (“Humans don't understand, humans will sell a lie. Humans gotta survive, we know we gon' die. Nothing can live forever, you know we gon' try. Life, is it really worth it?”). As the song puts it, Logan believes that the theoretical algorithm of life is perfect, and he doesn’t understand why it needs to get muddied and ruined by simple human issues (“Looking for something worth it, the algorhythm is perfect, mmh”).

4) Fitter Happier: This song is interesting because it shows us the innerworkings of Logan’s thought process. A lot of what he does involves simply planning daily tasks (things as small as drinking or eating) based on what he knows is most healthy for Thomas. The song completely lacks any sense of feeling or emotion and is, as I stated, a legitimate list of things to do in a day. All tasks are put in place to keep Thomas fitter and happier, however, Logan doesn’t have a grasp on emotions and clearly doesn’t know all of the things that Thomas needs to be happy AND healthy. I’ll just list some interesting daily tasks in the song here: “Regular exercise at the gym, three days a week” “Eating well, no more microwave dinners and saturated fats” “Careful to all animals, never washing spiders down the plughole” “Favours for favours, fond but not in love” “Still cries at a good film” “Still kisses with saliva”. As the song goes on, you kind of get a sense that Logan is losing his grip on Thomas, or doesn’t understand why Thomas isn’t feeling satisfied with the plan that, to him, is perfect. Thomas feels trapped in the life that Logan plans for him, and Logan does not understand why that is (“A pig in a cage on antibiotics” “No chance of escape”). There are also a lot of points in the song where Logan shows that he finds emotions to be a weakness, or something to hide away (“Will not cry in public” “Nothing so childish” “No paranoia”).

5) Medicine: I’m not 100% sure what this song is about, but it talks a lot about ancient philosophy. Basically being curious about the world and people in it. I’m guessing that Logan just likes philosophy and thinks that people should always stay curious. Logan really values curiosity and thinking (of course).

6) The Watchtower: This ones... interesting to say the least. If you’re a fan of the broken blue crayon theory you may want to look into this song a bit more. The song talks about being broken and wanting to restart things, possibly showing that Logan will crack at somepoint and need to reevaluate how he’s been handling things (“I'm breaking, I need another start. Far away, From the city lights.”). Ultimately, I think this song is about Logan’s neutrality over all the situations that the group handles. He doesn’t really see problems as good or bad, because he can see logical scenarios with both options (“From the watchtower, We can see things coming. Good or bad”). He knows that this mentality makes him a bit unlikeable because the other sides want him to side with them, but he doesn’t really mind (“I don't mind, If I'm impopular-ar.”).

7) The Breach: Another interesting one which I feel like could have two meanings. My first take was that this song was about Virgil escaping the dark side of Thomas’ mind and mixing in with the light sides. Logan wasn’t quite sure how to process this new arrival at the begining and had no control over his escape (“Generally operating normally, A small anomaly has become evident” “There is spiking in the pulse of a member of the cargo” “First: the recommended course of action should be to Administer a sedative to all the cargo via ventilation” “Now: one specifically is up and moving to the door”). After looking into the lyrics a bit more though, it seemed like a lot of them could be applied to Janus as well, specifically his first appearance when he was disguised as patton. Logan knew from very early on the Janus was taking pattons spot, but was unable to say or do anything about it due to Janus being the only one with “the access code” (“The ship is fully capable of automating this But requires an approval code from the administration” “He has found the access panel situated in the floor. He is entering the codes and overriding has begun. Reading rage in the nervous system, nothing can be done”). Either way you see it, I’m nearly positive it is about a dark side coming out to the light and Logan not being able to control it.

8) The Letter C: I LOVE THIS ONE 😂 And it’s the first in our list of songs that Logan vent’s about Roman in! The premise of the song is that someone insulted the main singers rap and so the main singer goes off about the comeback he wished he would have used to tell this guy off. It’s honestly such a funny song and I couldn’t give it the justice it deserves here by just listing the lyrics. It gives off huge rap battle vibes and I’m sure Logan would have been imagining the one who insulted him as Roman. Here’s just some great lines that I’d like to point out: “Man I wish I could’ve hit him with a zinger. Should’ve served him with the verbal equivalent of a middle finger.” “I’d say, "Are you insured medically? ‘Cause you sure better be When you’re broken in half from provokin’ the wrath” ““Aw shit!” “Oh crap!” Everybody within earshot would be like, “Oh snap!” I’d high five all around while the guy falls down in a ball on the ground” “I pull out a sharpie marker, Narrow my eyes through my Warby Parkers. Like, “Watch who you’re f-in’ with, with your f-in’ ish””.

9) Galaxy Song: Logan trying to calm Thomas down in the only way he knows how: Gushing about how great the natural world is (“Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving” “Now the sun, and you and me, and all the stars that we can see, Are moving at a million miles a day” “Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars” “And our galaxy itself is one of millions of billions In this amazing and expanding universe”). It’s cute, its wholesome, and Logan tries his best to be comforting 🖤 (“So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure, How amazingly unlikely is your birth; And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space, Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!”).

10) Streaks: Logan explains to Thomas that growing up is a process that he needs to experience. He understands that it’s hard and scary, but he believes that if you follow the plan and stay in the lines, everything will work out alright (“You can decide on the colors that you like As long as you stay in the lines” “All these years of filling out papers, Building a future, keeping your head down. Tryin' to keep a head on your shoulders” “Cause It's all a piece of the plan. It's something You'll understand When you're older” “Give em what they need to move on, then you let them go”). As he’s explained in canon, he doesn’t really see room for taking a lot of creative liberties in life, and he believes Thomas should follow the mold set out for everyone in life. That’s the logical way to survive anyways.

11) What I do for You: (This song and the next song feel pretty connected to me, so keep that in mind) In this song, Logan really shows his pride and ego. He believes he is the most important side for Thomas and that he will get Thomas the furthest in life (“I want you to survive” “I'm your only hope, I'm your savior too. Every single test You've been ever carried through”). Despite his superiority complex, he knows that Thomas doesn’t see Logan as important as he should. Logan knows how much he does for Thomas but is a bit annoyed that Thomas never seems to notice (“I couldn't ever give up on you, But don't thank me”).

12) Erase Me: Oooh boy. This ones heavy... Logan is PISSED. The whole song feels like a jab at Thomas, daring him to get rid of Logan to see what happens. Logan still feel important and knows his necessity as part of Thomas, but he’s frustrated with the lack of recognition he gets for all of the things he does (“Would it be easier? To just delete, our pages And the plans we've made” “Erase me, so you don't have to face me. Put me in ground and move the daisies” “So what will you do? With no me for you” “Erased me, what the fuck is this? You're crazy, Turn around and do each time, Replace me”). Logan sounds MAD in this song, something that he’s shown in canon quite a few times. It’s interesting that Logan alone seems to be the only side whose shown such anger and furstration, this song just adding to his list of instances. I’m not sure what that could mean going forward...

13) Art is Dead: Well what do yah know? Another rant song for Roman! We all know how Logan feels about Thomas’ choice of career as an entertainer and this song is basically just that. Logan can’t understand Roman’s dreams and aspirations for Thomas because they don’t make any logical sense to him (“ Have you ever been to a birthday party for children And one of the children won't stop screaming Cuz he's just a little attention attractor. When he grows up to be a comic or actor He'll be rewarded for never maturing, For never understanding or learning That every day can't be about him. There's other people, you selfish asshole!”) Logan would rather Thomas take up a job that is benefiting society and making his world a better place (“Cause I wanted my name in lights When I could have fed a family of four For forty fucking fortnights”). Roman’s self-centered and fantastical view on Thomas’ future is just childish to Logan and he feels like Thomas may one day grow out of it (“I'm just a kid And maybe I'll grow out of it”).

14) Equation: Oh man... I just don’t know. The song mentions a mom and dad, so I automatically go to a younger Thomas and his younger version of Logan. The song just asks a bunch of questions that feel like things a little kid might ask (“Have I made you cross? Have I made you sad? Have I made you proud Mom?” “How white is the snow, Does it matter after all?Will I ever learn How to fly like a birds?” “Are you going to school? Are you far from home? Are you well alone Dad? Will I be a brave? Will I be a bright? Will I be a good grown up?”). Logan may have represented more of Curiosity in Thomas’ younger years than Logic. A lot of Logan’s songs have an encompasing theme of wonder and curiosity being amazing things to have. I think Logan really values that part of himself/Thomas.

15) Sunrise: Yes! The love song everyone! I’ll shut that down right away and say that Logan DOES NOT UNDERSTAND LOVE. He isn’t even capable of “love” as some of the other side may be. He of course understands love and how it works, but it’s merely a process to him, and a word which he’s openly stated that he doesn’t like to use. So lets try to look at this from Logan’s perspective. The song is literally about learning spanish, yes its clearly romantic, but its about learning spanish. Something that Logan has shown an interest in since wayyyy back at the begining of the series. I like to imagine that this song came up in Thomas’ playlist and Logan was overjoyed that Thomas was not only learning something from the song, but also learning spanish!

16) One More Time with Feeling: This one feels kind of tough to crack. To me, I get the feeling that Logan’s again talking about the others and the fact that they don’t listen to him. He prepares his words and hopes to get through to them, but is only welcomed by blank faces and misunderstanding (“Everyone takes turns. Now it's yours to play the part And they're sitting all around you, Holding copies of your chart, And the misery inside their eyes is Synchronized and reflecting into yours”). After getting shut down, Logan tries again ‘with feeling this time’, hoping to get through, but it falls flat over and over again (“Hold on. One more time with feeling. Try it again, breathing's just a rhythm. Say it in your mind until you know that the words are right”). Logan has been trying really hard to appeal to the others in different way, but if seems like it never works in his opinion (“You thought by now you'd be So much better than you are. You thought by now they'd see That you had come so far”). He want’s to finally be shown the respect that he believes he deserves and hopes to one day be loved by the others and much as they love each other (“And the pride inside their eyes Would synchronized into a love you've never known. So much more than you've been shown”).

17) In My Mind: Logan has a drastically different view of Thomas’ future than is actually the case (“In a future five years from now. I'm one hundred and twenty pounds, And I never get hung over Because I will be the picture of discipline” “And I will be someone I admire And it's funny how I imagined That I would be that person now, But it does not seem to have happened” “Maybe I've just forgotten how to see That I am not exactly the person that I thought I'd be”). He’s realized that he has some unrealistic expectations for Thomas and that’s odd to him as, logically, things should have played out how he thought they would. At the end of the song, Logan seems to accept the fact that even though Thomas hasn’t strictly followed the plan that Logan expected, he’s still doing great and succeeding at life (“I am exactly the person that I want to be”).

18) Not Perfect: This song has a lot of lyrics, but most of them can be taken at face value. Logan recognizes that everything in Thomas’ life (his world, his country, his house, his body, and his brain) is not perfect. I’m sure it’s a metaphor for Logan realizing that he, himself, is not perfect and he’s begining to realize that he can’t solve every problem.

19) Human: This song is also long. REALLY LONG. But thankfully it is fairly straight forward. When life is getting Thomas (or any of the sides down) Logan will list facts about their life as a human that are supposed to be comforting or inspirational. It’s basically just like Galaxy song, but a bit more personal and loving. Here’s just some cute quotes from it to keep you all going: “For you are a force of skin & nails & heart. A walking Monae, you're breathing art” “The average human heart will beat over 100 million times in one lifetime. I'm sure you'll find someone who won't mind skipping one for you” “You need to grow up. You need to grow out of things. When something doesn't belong, even your body knows when it's time for that thing to be Replaced” “15 million blood cells are Destroyed in a human body every second. If your body can get over it You can get over that last relationship”). Basically Logan trying to ground Thomas in reality to make him realize that everything he’s going through is just human.

20) Time Adventure: (ughhh this song make me cry every time I hear it) That being said, I was a bit surprised to hear this on Logan’s album and not Pattons. Not only that, but it’s his finishing song. The song is all about growing up and how, even though time passes, you will always have the good memories that you built along the way. It’s also about how, no matter how much time passes, the singer and the person theyre singing about will always be friends. Seems kind of like a weird song choice for Logan right? It seems like it needs to include Patton in someway... So perhaps its Logan trying to comfort Patton. Patton has shown a fear of growing up and changing, so perhaps telling him that he’ll always have a friend in Logan no matter how the times change is something that Logan does to ease his worries.

(Oh boy... this one took a long time 😅 Sorry about that! Like usual, let me know what you think and give your own opinions if you’d like!)

[m0e-ru]

Persona 4 Golden Anime Episode 7 Analysis

Disclaimer: P4 Golden, P4A and P4GA spoilers. This is all my interpretation based on the games, the Golden and original anime series. Also A LOT of Adachi. And I got tired near the end whoops sorry.

*In comparison to the original anime series, it elaborates on Adachi’s desire to cover the whole world of fog. He is the representative of the human masses who do not desire the truth.

He will allow the world to be covered in fog and everyone turned into shadows. Everyone will live a world of their own making, and the world will no longer be “shit.”

But here in Golden, it focuses on Yu and Adachi and their bond, almost nothing about the decision to cover the world in fog. This is about the conflict within the two of them. Their relatedness to one another, as having almost the same persona, representing that they are two sides of the same coin.

Right after the opening, we see the IT discuss about the murder, as usual. All the evidence points to a certain someone, Adachi. But Yu, who has a bond with Adachi--a friendship, he thinks, leaves the diner. 

Cut to the Velvet Room where Marie feels Yu. She’s afraid that he might disappear into the fog of peaceful lies. That he himself might be willing to turn away from the truth. That his friend might be the bad guy, and would rather not accept it.

Margaret tells her this might be an effect of obtaining the Jester arcana, a representation of his bond with Adachi. She tells her that it is currently unstable, that Yu’s perception of this bond is also wavering. And depending on the choices he makes, it would either change, stay as it currently is.

Then cut to Adachi taking care of Dojima in the hospital. He soon leaves for Nanako's room. Yu has a call with his uncle, and the moment he says Adachi’s out to visit Nanako’s room, Yu panics and runs for the hospital. As if he’s worried that Adachi would do something to her.

He’s worried, realizing Adachi’s true nature--that he is the murderer. He thinks clearly, in the front of his mind, “This man is going to hurt my little cousin.” 

Nanako is okay, fortunately.

But his mindset about him before was “This man is my friend, we had a good time together /gestures to the social link/.” He even left the discussion about who the murderer is out of discomfort and doubt.

And now he is in conflict with himself. Does he think that this man is a good guy and a good friend? Or secretly a psychopath who started everything out of some crazy motive? He gets himself together and “believes” that this man is a good guy.

Yu confronts Adachi, hoping to knock some sense into him because he thinks this man is his friend. But Adachi plays around with Yu. He waits for him in the eerie bedroom. Not in Magatsu Inaba, but somewhere more accessible. And it's funny because he mocks Yu, “Haha I'm a bad guy and I want to see you and your friends confront me and try to defeat me.” But when Yu asks to talk to him, Adachi says “I don't have anything to say to you.” 

To the point he visits the TV world himself. He finds his way to the eerie bedroom himself.

He thinks that Adachi has already escaped into the TV world, which he did. He left the Dojimas behind, after having a snack with Dojima, and tucking Nanako into bed.

It makes sense in the game where he closed the portal to Magatsu Inaba and then appeared right behind Yu. 

But here, he waited, said his piece and then said he has “nothing to say” to this boy who feels betrayed by him. Adachi says Yu betrayed himself, believing in the lie 'Yu' made up himself and continuing to believe in it after he saw all that happened. 

Adachi holds a card, about to summon his persona, and it implies he has accepted the truth, himself. His eyes are still normal, but as he summons his persona, his eyes turn yellow, as if his shadow overwhelmed him and has taken over his ego. I'll explain more about this some other time when I'll re-watch p4g. 

He is now talking as his shadow, the side he hides from himself and everybody. But even like Futaba, Shadows and your Real Self aren't the same. 

“We have the same persona but mine's tainted bc of evil here's the world from my perspective blah blah blah” then Adachi tells Yu to go home, back to his friends. Yu still persists, until he falls to his knees, paralyzed in fear from a bullet that almost grazed the side of his head. 

The character the anime gave him is Someone who cares about people very much, but also is still very much afraid of pain and death. Not someone who is cool and still standing, even after he almost got shot.

Heck, this just says this was actual Adachi, not some hologram illusion whatever he made just to confront him from afar. The bullet wasn't an illusion (I mean, it also was pretty real in the game), his persona Actually clashed with his.

Yu could have actually punched him that very moment as compared to when Kanji tried to do it. But he didn't.

Then it cuts to the Velvet Room, where Margaret explains to Marie about Yu's current dilemma, the now warped looking Jester arcana card. As if the arcanas represented in each bond Yu makes is his own interpretation. He unconsciously assigns the arcanas to all the bonds he makes. 

The Jester is still unstable and is now distorting. Marie listens and watches the entire time, worried about her friend and this bond he made and is currently unsure about.

Yu comes back to the real world, where Yosuke's fully aware that Yu left on his own to the TV world to confront Adachi, hopefully, with a plan. Yosuke tells him to trust his friends and not make them worry, where he shows Marie who voluntarily left the Velvet Room out of worry. 

She tries to talk to Yu and tells him to explain his feelings. She's the type of friend who is very direct, and will push you around, intentional or not. It's just how she was brought up, she had to learn everything all over again. But having these kinds of friends are important. Those who really keep it real rather than sugar coating everything. If she can't understand something, she will ask for a clear explanation. This further rules out the possibility of implication and misinterpretation. And that's good. 

She brings Yu to the same hilltop he brought her to, then wonders why the view is so obscured, by fog nonetheless. But here, she cheers him up, a complete opposite to whatever happened with Adachi. She rebuts Yu's conflicts he muttered to her. Then, she gives him her comb. Ironically, not intended as a symbol of separation, but a strong bond. The promise to keep it, and to return it, to see each other again no matter what. 

Then the sun shines through the clouds, penetrating the fog. Symbolism that Yu's judgement has been cleared from the doubt and betrayal that clouded it. The rest of his team come over, saying they'll be by his side and that he 'shouldn't run off like that’ as if Yosuke snitched on him and told everybody and went into the TV world on his own.

Here, Marie re-states the words of Izanami, whether remembering unconsciously, or just something she heard and appeared on the top of her head. 'People see what they want to see, and believe only what they want to believe. But as the individual entity she is now, She says her own opinion, But you're not like that, [Yu]' And with strengthened resolve, Yu tells his team to pursue Adachi on the same day, while Marie stays on the hilltop.

Then it cuts to the Velvet Room, where the Jester turns into Hunger, as if Yu reevaluated his bond with Adachi and accepted it. It's no longer warped and he will see this bond through. 

The IT focus on clearing the shadows while they tell Yu to confront Adachi himself. Adachi is clearly amused as he toys around with the IT, playing his game he's having fun with. Yu says he rejects Adachi. The Adachi that betrayed him, mocked him, and hurt him. He knows that there is good in Adachi, that he is rejecting the one he is currently facing. 

Adachi battles Yu, mocked and disgusted by the bonds he made, represented by the personae he was able to make. Yu 'relies' on the power of bonds, something that Adachi thinks is humiliating and unneeded, all because he was so deprived of one for so long. He asks Yu what a 'bond' is, and he replies with, “to believe in the person at your side, in your friends.” Something he tried to do with Adachi at the eerie bedroom, and soon contradicted in this confrontation where he 'rejects' Adachi. 

Adachi's perception of 'belief' and 'bonds' is something negative, implying he himself hasn't gotten anything good out of it. It makes you selfish by 'believing' an ideal of how you want someone to be. Adachi is telling Yu that he shouldn't have made a bond with himself in the first place, he is clearly pushing him away. Now look where it got him, it got him hurt, and again, betrayed. He constantly calls him an idiot with this persistent mindset. 

Yu continues to reject Adachi and all that he says. He 'believes' that what he is doing--that making bonds--is a good thing, even a bond with Adachi. 

But Adachi still continues to fight Yu. He speaks sarcastically about his friends and his relationship with them. As if they’re not genuine. “You’ve seen each other’s ulgy sides, how pathetic you can be. But you're like ‘Oh, that's okay’ Pretending to be generous, smiling.” He calls it creepy and weird, another way of how Adachi views the concept of bonds.

He continues to elaborate his point by saying “As if you could actually like someone’s ugly side.”

“Trying so hard not to hurt others because you don’t want to get hurt yourself,” and he thinks this is pathetic. Yu retorts, saying that he and his friends have truly accepted themselves and one another, and will always get back up to look for the truth. Again, Adachi speaks back and this time calls it “whitewashing,” that it’s covering up more of the ugly truth. 

However he was brought up, it might have included being taught that he should not appreciate the ugly side of people. Once Yu realized Adachi’s true self, Adachi fled. He could have been scared that the Dojimas, the only people he believed trusted him, would also realize this. He is throwing everything away so that they won’t get hurt like Yu. Betrayed that he is not who he really is. Not some bumbling fool who ends up being a good drinking partner, or a kind adult who helps you with homework and eats dinner with you.

Adachi might be empty, but this side of him, and how this is elaborated with his new relationship with Yu, has made it been interpreted that he cares. He doesn’t want to continue hurting the people he cares about. He regrets this. 

Adachi is now really fed up. Tired of listening to this boy who is so much better than him, despite also being almost the same. He is constantly shown by seeing him with his friends, helping other people, being with the Dojimas, and now, he’s going head to head with him. Adachi just wants him to go, he doesn’t want to see his face. And is Yu decides to stay, Adachi will just have to defeat him, to get rid of him himself.

Their personas crash into the Dojima residence, which was clearly still intact, compared to everything in Magatsu Inaba. The comb falls out from Yu’s uniform. Now, they are tired from summoning their personas. Adachi's eyes are not yellow anymore. (But in the original, his eyes stayed yellow when uhh Izanagi legit stabbed M-Izanagi in the face then he disappeared aahaha)

Yu takes his chance to fight adachi, one on one as two people. Adachi brings out his gun, but gets knocked in the head and falls to the ground.

Yu goes HAM and takes it all out on Adachi. He takes out all his hate, anger and his feelings of betrayal.

Adachi, now weak, talks about his failure and self evaluation. Yu looks around and finds Adachi’s mug and sets it up with the rest. “You had one yourself,” saying that he is part of this family, that he is cared about. He calls him “Adachi-san” and asks him to come back to the real world with him. To settle down and atone for sins. But also in a gentle manner, with no malice or hate, like the emotionally deprived good friend and family member he is.

At that moment of weakness, the shadows merge with Adachi, bringing out Ame-no-Sagiri, the “ruler of fog” and the aspect of Izanami who watches humans from the heavens. Briefly cut to Marie, still on the foggy hilltop immediately feeling this presence.

Yu looks up and calls Adachi’s name, worried about what possesses him. Being blasted away, he hears Adachi’s voice, being sarcastic, but also as a form of encouragement to defeat Ame-no-Sagiri. We continue to see brief scenes of Marie on the hilltop, saying she is aware of what is currently happening the moment Ame-no-Sagiri awoke. Yu summons Magatsu-Izanagi as a separate persona, symbolizing the “maxed out” bond he has made with Adachi. And yelling “I'm taking you back,” means he wishes to save him, like all the dear friends who needed help. 

He slays Ame-no-Sagiri with this new, quite chaotic, persona and catches Adachi, continuing to keep him safe. 

Yu feels his chest pocket, as if he’s missing something, but quickly brushing it off, as if their memories have truly been taken away. Marie says her goodbye, while the IT thinks they’ve saved Inaba from the fog.

Now a final cut to Marie, where the fog that dispersed from Ame-no-Sagiri envelops the Inaba at an alarming rate. She hears an unknown voice that calls her to awaken, “Ame-no-Sagiri has been slain. The fog shall return to its rightful place,” which is Marie. Another flash of memories that comes with a sharp pain comes to Marie, her grave, as if the Hollow Forest was made long ago, to prepare her for this. She squats down in pain, finally remembering her duties as the one to absorb the fog.

With this memory and task she must fulfill by disappearing, she takes all her friends' memories with her and clears the fog. She wishes not to hurt them by telling them that she should die to save them, and instead takes every single memory about her from her friends. This way, they wouldn't have to care for a girl that they can’t even remember.

[dragonkeeper19600]

Houseki no Kuni vs. Steven Universe

Context: I commented on a Houseki no Kuni video on YouTube agreeing there was no point in comparing Steven Universe and Houseki no Kuni, as a lot of marketers have done in the past, because Steven Universe is clearly better. A Houseki no Kuni fan derided my view and “challenged” me to explain. So, I found myself writing an essay. An actual essay. To explain what Steven Universe does right and what Houseki no Kuni does wrong. And, I stand by it enough that I want to repost it here.

So, here we go. 

Let's talk character, shall we? Now, a lot of fans of Houseki no Kuni bring up the fact that comparisons to Steven Universe are mostly arbitrary, that despite being gemstone-based works, both have different rules, lore, characters, story, etc. All of which is totally fair and accurate. We shouldn't assume that two stories are the same or are even trying to accomplish the same thing because they both have a character named "Yellow Diamond" or "Padparadscha" in them. But, that said, there are a few story similarities the two works share. Both deal with a main character who undergoes an arc from an immature idealistic to someone much more mature and wiser. (Though, this is a storytelling convention unique to neither series.) Additionally, a major focus in both works is the main character's relationship to their main parental figure and role model. In Houseki no Kuni, this would be Adamant-Sensei. In Steven Universe, this is Steven's mother, Rose Quartz. Rose Quartz is deceased, of course, and Sensei is not, but for the most part the protagonists' relationship to these individuals is very similar. Both Phos and Steven go from idolizing these figures and seeing them as the epitome of what they themselves should aspire to to strongly reevaluating their previous hero-worship and coming face to face with all the hardship they've truly caused in the past. In this way, Phos and Steven can be said to through similar stories with similar lynchpins to start their journeys.

However, the moment you realize this crucial similarity is when the comparisons between the two arcs begin to crop up. And, in every way, Steven Universe is more dramatic, more focused, and has a better setup and payoff than Houseki no Kuni. And don't think I'm saying that Steven Universe is tonally darker than Houseki no Kuni because it isn't. That's not what I mean by "more dramatic." Dramatic doesn't refer in this case to scariness of subject matter or imagery, it refers to how strongly motivated the protagonist's decisions are. How badly do they need something and how are their decisions motivated by that need?

Let's start with Steven Universe. While Steven's goals. problems, and beliefs change a lot throughout the course of the series, there are two clear motivations that remain throughout his entire journey. They are:

1. Protect the Earth.

2. Who am I?

That's it. Everything Steven does can more or less be boiled down to those two things. The first problem represents the biggest physical source of conflict in the series. There are wild gem monsters roaming the Earth endangering the human population, many of the antagonists who come to Earth want in some way to harm the Earth. Keeping the planet and the human race safe is what motivates not only Steven but all his allies.

The second motivation deals with Steven navigating his identity as not only a gem hybrid but, perhaps even more crucially, as the only child and heir to someone he's been taught to believe was a great hero. His mother, Rose Quartz, protecting humanity from destruction. She led a rebellion against a tyrannical government to free other gems. Despite being an alien, she grew to love humanity and fell deeply in love with one human man in particular. She gave up her very life to have Steven. Etc., etc. From the beginning, Steven has been attempting to live up to his mother's legacy. In this way, Steven's second motivation, who am I, is even more important than the first because it is what drives him, and the rest of the Crystal Gems, toward the first goal. The reason they fight so hard to protect Earth is largely because of the precedent set by Rose Quartz. This is what changes wanting to protect the Earth because it's the right thing to do to needing to protect the Earth as a way to connect to Rose Quartz, someone they all love and long for. When you compare the two, wanting will always be less powerful than needing.

As the story goes on, Steven learns slowly but surely that the situation isn't as black and white as he'd thought. The monsters he'd been fighting are actually gems who underwent an involuntary transformation, most of the villains who attack humanity aren't doing it simply because of their wickedness but are directly reacting to what Rose Quartz has done. Their actions are the fallout of her actions, and a lot of the antagonists are motivated by very real and (as Steven discovers) justified hurt by what Rose Quartz did to them. Many of them are mourning people who were lost in the war she caused, several were emotionally wounded by her directly, including some among Steven's closest friends. Steven's view of his mother changes from sunny and worshipful to one of uncertainty and even resentment. But, through Steven's growing knowledge, wisdom, and attitude change, his goal of "Who am I?" remains unchanged. Because now, his goal changes from proving he's like his mother to proving he's not like his mother by becoming a better class of hero, one who heals instead of hurts. Though his quest of self-realization has changed from "I am the same," to "I am different," the core goals that motivate his thinking have not changed. 

Now, keeping all of that in mind, Steven's needs and how the most important figure in his life informs those needs, let's go back to Houseki no Kuni. Phosphophyllite starts off the series in many ways the same position as Steven. He's the youngest gem, he's weak, he's inexperienced, and he's naive. He completely idolizes not only his Sensei but also the fighting skills of the other gems, wishing to be as strong as they are. The main difference in their situations is that while Steven started off the series being adored by the other gems, Phos mostly only irritates his people, but in all other ways, Phos and Steven start off in very similar places. 

Phos's goal is also clearly established in the first episode/chapter of Houseki no Kuni: "I want to be valuable." Phos is constantly derided for being a worthless gem. With a hardness of only 3.5, useless in battle, and in general incompetent, Phos wants to prove that he can be useful, that he can be needed. So far so good. That's a strong motivation and a clear way forward for the story. The building blocks of Phos's arc have been put in place. 

The problem, the big problem that drags the rest of Houseki no Kuni down, is the execution. The inciting incident (the thing that gets the plot started) in Houseki no Kuni is when Sensei hands Phos the notepad and tasks him with writing the encyclopedia. Immediately, there's an issue of timing. Phos may be the youngest gem, but the story clearly establishes that when the story starts, he's 300 years old. Why is Sensei only now asking him to do this? The fact that gems are immortal beings doesn't change how many days and seconds long 300 years is, which is a lot. Phos's attitude and desire to be useful aren't a new thing, so why did Sensei wait until he was 300 to give him something to do? Like, what was Phos doing all that time? And, if Sensei was content to let Phos carry on doing nothing for 300 years, why did he decide now was the time to give him a job? Just a whim? Sorry, but a whim is not enough. Sensei doesn't need the encyclopedia done. If he needed it, it would have been done hundreds if not thousands of years ago. But no, he comes up with this on the spot, as Phos is lying in a bag in pieces, presumably just to make Phos feel important. 

But, okay, now Phos has been given a task. Finally. So, does Phos use this task to prove he can be useful? Does he strive to be the best writer/researcher he can be in the hopes that people will take him seriously? Does he even seem to care about the encyclopedia thing at all? Nope. His immediate reaction is to whine and complain that the encyclopedia assignment is not good enough. For the length of time that the encyclopedia remains a plot element (which is surprisingly little), Phos frequently expresses a lack of interest if not outright disdain for the project. Heck, even when Euclase tries to get him to investigate Ventricosus's shell, something he points out no other gem knows anything about and would be a huge discovery, Phos immediately tries to pass the task back to Euclase. They're outright asking him to do something important, something no one has ever done before, and he's not doing it.

Okay, that by itself wouldn't be so terrible because Phos finds another goal for himself in the form of Cinnabar. Early on, as Phos struggles to find a starting point for the encyclopedia, he talks to Cinnabar and discovers how bad his situation is. Cinnabar, too, carries on a task that he knows has no value (night patrol), he never interacts with anyone because the mercury constantly radiating off his body makes him a danger to everyone, and he's even more fragile than Phos with a hardness of only 2. Everything about Cinnabar's character seems designed to make him appear as the one person lowlier then Phos. Here is someone who could actually need Phos. Phos's vow to find him a better job (something only he can do) is a powerful moment because it shows how Phos is choosing to make himself valuable, by helping someone in a way no one else can.

So, then, Phos's bond with and desire to help Cinnabar is a big motivator in the story, right? 

That's a hard no, as well. After Phos returns from the ocean, his desire to help Cinnabar becomes mostly an afterthought. As the story goes on, Cinnabar becomes less and less relevant. The manga rapidly approaches the point where Phos never thinks of Cinnabar at all. Late in the story, the other gems actually find a better job for Cinnabar without Phos, something which is humiliatingly easy for them to do. I get that Phos slowly forgetting Cinnabar is supposed to be a tragedy, symbolic of him losing himself as more pieces are broken off and replaced, but it doesn't read as tragic because I didn't like the person Phos was in the first place. He was whiney, incompetent, and showed an inability to follow basic directions despite being 300 fucking years old. So, his transformation was just from "asshole" to "different kind of asshole." Yeah, I don't care about that. I don't miss who Phos used to be, and I don't like who he is now, so his transformation doesn't affect me as either positive or negative. It's just kind of a thing that happens.

But, why does Phos change so much? What is it that made him so bitter, so jaded (but somehow no wiser or more competent)? Well, that would probably be the winter with Antarcticite and his quest to learn more about Sensei and his connections with the Lunarians. Antarcticite's shattering and capture marks the first major personality change in Phos. It's the beginning of his cynical outlook, and his desire to rescue Antarcticite is what compels him to investigate the Lunarians, which leads him to Sensei. Since the Lunarians and Sensei are much more the focus of the plot, I'm not sure why we wasted so much time with the encyclopedia and Cinnabar if the true inciting incident was Anarticite's shattering (halfway through the anime!) but whatever. So, now we have clear motivation, right? We have a clear need, right?

Not really. Because there's no reason Antarcticite's fate would lead to Phos being suspicious of Sensei. There isn't. I get why he would become more interested in the Lunarians, but why would that lead to growing hostility toward Sensei? Antarcticite's shattering wasn't Sensei's fault, and none of the other gems who have lost partners have a desire to blame or question Sensei, so why does Phos? Because he's just special or something? Phos discovers that all the other gems suspect something's up with Sensei and the Lunarians, but they've all agreed not to bring it up because they respect Sensei. Phos was just as devoted to Sensei as everyone else, so why can't he let it go? He doesn't grieve more than the others, he isn't any smarter than the others, so what? It gets even more muddled when he realizes Antarcticite also knew and didn't want Sensei investigated. So, Antarcticite, Phos's main source of grief who is supposedly so special to Phos and his main motivator doesn't want Phos to investigate Sensei, and Phos still can't let it go. There's a moment (which is featured in this very video), where Phos murmurs to himself that he "just wants to know the truth." Oh, he just "wants to know?" So, we're back into wanting instead of needing. Phos's quest for the truth, by his own admission, is a want and not a need. But, just wanting is not good enough. Wanting is not compelling, wanting is not interesting. He has to need the truth about Sensei.

Like, suppose the Winter Arc happened differently and Antarcticite's shattering was Sensei's fault? Like, Sensei does something or says something that leads to Antarcticite's shattering. The most extreme version of this is that Sensei shatters Antarcticite himself (something we've seen him do to Phos and other gems before) because Antarcticite accidentally discovered something about Sensei's connection to the Lunarians. And, suppose Phos was the only witness to this incident because it's winter and all the other gems are hibernating. And, let's further suppose that Phos tries to tell the other gems what happened when they wake up, but none of them believe him because Sensei is just so beloved. Now, Phos has a real reason not to go along with everyone's complacency, now Phos's quest for knowledge becomes a need instead of a want. Because now, it's not just curiosity driving him, he's compelled to seek justice for Antarcticite. And this goal sets Phos apart and makes him valuable in the way he always wanted because now he's the only one who will hold Sensei accountable, someone no one else is willing to do. And, this carries the same tragic irony that the actual story tries and fails to convey. In his desire for self-actualization, Phos has condemned himself to a lonely road no other gem would choose to walk and that he himself wouldn't have chosen at the start of the story. 

But, that's not the version of the story we were given. Instead, it's curiosity that moves Phos, and as he loses more pieces of himself, the things that he used to care about, rescuing the other gems from the moon, fighting the Lunarians, helping Cinnabar, all fall away as Phos constantly gives up on his previous goals in pursuit of new ones. Again, I get that this is supposed to be tragic, but if the main character can't be bothered to care, then why should I? It's not helping that Pho's character arc is caused by (not symbolized by, caused by) physical changes that basically means he becomes brain-damaged every time he loses a body part. Instead of changing and growing organically, as Steven does, Phos is instead having his mind, memories, and personality reset after every arc. That's not growth or character development, that's just stat change.

I could go even deeper into the series and all of its problems: how the Lunarians' motivation is also a "want" instead of a "need," how the series uses Buddhist imagery and motifs to trick people into thinking the story is more profound than it really is, how the character designs for the gems make them all look like the same person wearing different wigs, and how many of the side character have one-note personalities as opposed to Steven Universe's complex characters and unique character designs, but when you get right down to it, Houseki no Kuni's main core issue is that there isn't a good enough reason for anything to happen. Steven Universe has clear emotions that drive the story forward. Houseki no Kuni does not.

When I was in sixth grade, my language arts teacher told us that a story was not just a collection of events. It's not just, "this happened, and then this happened, and then this happened." It's, "this happened because of this or this happened to complicate this." Steven Universe does that. Everything that happens is a consequence of what happened before. Houseki no Kuni just kind of has things happen. Why does Sensei give Phos the encyclopedia assignment? Just a whim. Why does Phos want to investigate Sensei? He's just curious. Why do the Lunarians want to pass to the next world? They just think it'd be nice. Why did Sensei reconstruct Phos after 220 years? Because Sensei is a dick. 

In light of all this, I'm fully convinced that the reason Houseki no Kuni gained any kind of popularity at all is because of the art style of the anime. That's it. Because, when you really break it down, it doesn't have anything else going for it. Except the soundtrack, I guess. The soundtrack is nice. 

[magicjesuscup]

*Reads tags of re blog* you not a fan of gil or shirou?

Nope.

My reasons includes spoilers for Fate/Stay Night, Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works, and Fate/Zero, so I stuck it under the thing (if anyone cares to read it).

Gilgamesh

I feel like I could point to any one of his personality traits and say that's why I don't like him, but I thought I'd list some examples anyway.

Irritable

He only seems to like talking to people he finds interesting; most of the time in Fate/Zero you see Gilgamesh with Kirei. This might just be me, but he seemed exasperated while talking to Tokiomi as if conversing with Tokiomi were a chore or beneath him. And I get the impression most people would fall into the category Tokiomi was in.

No sense of Duty

When caster Gilles turned into a giant tentacle monster in the middle of the lake, Gilgamesh had zero interest in helping to protect Fuyuki or its citizens. Even at his master's request, he does less than the bare minimum of what could be considered helping. I’d be super disappointed if I summoned a heroic spirit and he decided to just watch.

Selfish

He wants Artoria, but she's not a person to Gilgamesh; she's an object. He finds her interesting and decides he wants to own her. He knows she has her own sense of autonomy, but doesn't believe that's as or more important than his own desires. She hates him, but that's not a deterrent because he doesn't care.

Questionable Ethics

When he was watching Kirei indulge himself for the first time (which involved driving a man insane), Gilgamesh wasn't even slightly disturbed; if anything, he seemed a bit bored.

I feel like Gilgamesh is a character you either love or hate, but your reasoning will be the same; "He's a bastard," vs, "He's a glorious bastard." I like a few hot mess characters myself, but they know they're garbage. Honestly, I struggle to find any good traits in Gilgamesh.

Shirou

While I can find some nice things to say about Shirou, I don't like him either; I like him more than Gilgamesh though. Let me throw a disclaimer in here real quick: my critique of Shirou is based on the anime. If Aniplex.exe ever decides to release the visual novel, I might reevaluate how I feel about Shirou.

Fatally Stupid

He insists on continuing to go to school as he always has, but doesn't let Artoria go with him. Instead he promises to use a command seal to summon her if he gets into trouble...And then he fails to do that. Remember when he found himself facing Rider? She had him dangling in a tree by his arm! And that time he decided it would be ok to hang out with Illyasviel (while she was still Heracles's master)? That got him kidnapped. Honestly, I can live with him not being a proper magus and being incapable of powering Artoria so she could fight at her full potential, but I wish he had made up for that by being at least a little smarter or willing to work with/listen to his servant more. This may be my own headcanon, but I think any injury he sustains is a mark against Saber's honor. She is a knight in his service so his survival is her responsibility. Any injury he sustains is, what she may view, as a failing on her part.

Sexist Parading Around as Chivalrous

He doesn't want Saber to fight because she's female. She's a seasoned warrior who's probably spent more time on the battlefield than Shirou's spent on Earth. With the way he insists on her staying on the sidelines, you'd think he wanted to take her place because he's a superior fighter. But, no; I'm not even sure that prior to meeting Artoria he so much as punched somebody. Artoria’s fighting ability aside, she has magic resistant armor and a holy sword. What did Shirou have when he jumped between Saber and Berserker? Jeans and a t-shirt. Dumb luck and (unknowingly) being in possession of Avalon are probably the only reasons he survived the Grail War at all. The reason this gets it's own category is because it's insulting to Saber in a different way than my last point.

Pushes His Ideals/Thoughts on Others

I'm not sure how or why he thought staying in the present would make Artoria happy, but he won't let it go. He has every right to want her to be happy, but the thing he doesn't understand is that he doesn't get to decide what that looks like for her. He figures it out at the very end, so unfortunately we don't get to see how this knowledge would change his interactions with Artoria.

As a bit of a side note, for someone who claims he's in love with her, he doesn't take much of an interest in her past. He may want her to move forward, but everything that she's been through shaped who she is now. Having that context wouldn't hurt. And, to avoid making her uncomfortable, his questions wouldn't even have to be super personal. Something like, "Can you tell me about the round table? There are a couple of designs of what it could've looked like and there's no consensus on how many people it could accommodate. Where there assigned seats?" would've been perfectly fine. I'm sure she could've talked for hours about her code of chivalry or Cavall if he had bothered to ask.

Also, for some reason, Shirou hugging Artoria in the hallway and her telling him to let go is sticking in my mind. Listen. If person A likes something, it doesn't give person B the right to do it, especially if person A says "no" or "stop." Consent is super important.

Fun fact: I don't think I'd mind Shirou so much if he were a side character. But because he's the protagonist, we have to sit through him doing this stuff all the time. It just gets old.

Archer Emiya

My dislike for Shirou is so strong, it even oozes into Archer Emiya a bit. In Unlimited Blade Works, if I were Rin, I would've told Cu Chulainn, "When you go fight Archer, use whatever force you deem necessary to win; I have no use for traitors." I dunno. Instead of deciding on his own to try to get Saber for Rin, I think he should've talked to her about it first. Plus leaving her tied to that chair was dangerously stupid. Maybe he was worried about her interfering with his match with Shirou, but if Shirou's own servant took a seat on the side-lines, I'm sure there would've been a way to convince Rin not to interfere.

If anyone's still reading at this point, I guess it'll come to no surprise that I don't ship Artoria with either Shirou or Gilgamesh (since I did talk a bit about their relationships with her). But, I won't attack anyone who does; my bff ships Artoria with Gilgamesh. I don't get it, but her enjoyment of her ship does not affect my ability to enjoy my ships (Artoria x Bedivere, Artoria x Diarmuid, and Artoria x Guinevere x maybe-Lancelot-sometimes).

[jewish-privilege]

...When I meet new people and they ask me about my extracurriculars or what I’m involved in on campus, I always wince and hesitate to admit that I am involved in Hillel and the Jewish community, afraid of how they may react. Being the best public university in the world (sorry not sorry @UCLA), the home of the free speech movement, and notorious for protesting in the name of social justice, you would think that the UC Berkeley community would recognize Jewish students as a minority group who has faced a history of persecution and suffering. Yet, many people view us as the oppressors, echoing the classic anti-Semitic trope that Jews are responsible for everything wrong with the world.

On many occasions, students at UC Berkeley have equated Judaism with Zionism, as if our entire religious identity is solely based on our relationship with Israel, and further equate Zionism with white supremacy and settler colonialism, using these words synonymously. Most notably, claims of this nature were made at a live-streamed student senate meeting in April. Not to mention that this meeting was about senate elections and had essentially nothing to do with Israel. During public comments one student said: “All I was hearing for a fat minute was some white tears, some Zionist tears, some Greek tears about some disenfranchisement. Y’all don’t know what disenfranchisement even means, alright?“

This provoked other comments around the topic of Israel, such as one student claiming that the Israel Defense Forces train American police to kill black people and that if you don’t call out your Zionist friends, you are “implicit in the oppression of Palestine and the oppression of settler colonized countries all across the world” as well as implicit in the “prison-industrial complex,” “prison militarization,” and “modern-day slavery.” You can watch the video of the entire meeting here. I’m not making this up.

...Last spring, I was sitting at a popular cafe near campus, getting a coffee with my friend, telling him how excited I was to be going to Israel for the first time that summer. He, having been many times before, shared some of his favorite memories praying at the Western Wall and relaxing in the sun at Gordon Beach.

A girl sitting at the table next to us was listening in. After a few minutes, she turned to us and asked if she heard me correctly that I was going to Israel.

“Yes, why?” I answered, suspicious of where this conversation was going.

“Why are you going?” she asked angrily.

“For Birthright and a summer internship.” My excitement from moments prior began to fade.

“No, but why Israel? Don’t you know that by going you are supporting a murderous regime?”

“A mur—” She cut me off.

“Israel is a murderous regime. Everyone in the IDF is a murderer. How could you possibly go there and give them your money knowing this?”

“I’m going because…” Cut off again.

“You should cancel your trip. You shouldn’t go there. You’re supporting oppression. You’re supporting murder” she screamed.

“But…”

“You need to reevaluate your moral compass, you’re a terrible person.” And with that, she stormed off. Everyone in the cafe was staring at me, having witnessed the entire interaction.

Beyond the aggression and public humiliation, what bothered me most was that I never had the chance to speak. With all of the accusations she made, both about Israel and myself, I never got the chance to defend or explain myself. And to me, that is the root of the issue: people’s unwillingness to be open minded and hear the other side. Being so stubborn as to not even let someone voice their opinion, whether you agree with it or not, means that we are never going to progress. Nothing will get resolved this way. We need to communicate more. We need to listen more.

I have Jewish friends who are adamantly, unwaveringly 100% in support of Israel and in their eyes, Israel can do no wrong. On the other hand, there of course are people like this girl and the students from the senate meeting who are 100% against Israel and its existence. However, the situation in the Middle East is incredibly nuanced and complex. In my opinion, the conflict is often oversimplified into either pro-Israel or pro-Palestine, with people (like myself) who fall in the middle being rejected by supporters on both sides. Even among the Jewish community on campus, Jewish students who acknowledge that Israel doesn’t always do the right thing are often ostracized by other Jewish students, with the argument being that Israel has enough outside criticism, and it doesn’t need internal criticism as well.

Personally, I believe internal criticism is exactly what both sides need. Compromise cannot exist without people admitting some flaw and attempting to see the situation from the opposite point of view. I try to understand the pro-Palestine argument of people fighting for their freedom, and I would hope people on that side would try to understand that Israel is fighting to defend itself...

[dgcatanisiri]

So I summed up my thoughts on Tevinter Nights the other day, ending them by wondering if I might actually just be getting burnt out on Dragon Age as a franchise. I’ve been rolling that over in my mind since writing that down. There, I just looked at it from the view of “the things that I’m interested on aren’t getting enough focus and seem like they never really will” - with the focus given to these world-shaking Events, from a Blight to the Breach to the Dread Wolf rising, the more smaller scale stuff, the things that aren’t going to change the world as a whole, just lives for the community (however large that community may be) are simply not as important.

While for me, one of the things that marks a world I like to inhabit and imagine living in IS the allowance for a concept of an every day. The conflicts I’m interested in arise not because of a calamity that upsets the status quo (merits and drawbacks of the status quo notwithstanding), but out of the various other factions within this world - I enjoyed the stories about the Crows in Tevinter Nights, for example, because the Crows are a guild of assassins, which has operated within Antivan (and, by extension, must of Thedasian) society for centuries, they are a uniquely Thedasian cultural element that has not seen a lot of play in the series. Asunder, before it sparked the war, allowed more of an insider’s look at the Circle, a better understanding with the way the fraternities interact with each other. Last Flight, in between the narrative of Isseya and the Fourth Blight, we see the more interpersonal conflicts side of the Mage-Templar war, the people who get lost in the shuffle of the big choices.

THOSE are the stories that interest me in this universe, seeing how the people live and exist, not in the upset but in the everyday. This is a fantastical world, but that doesn’t mean every moment must be the life and death struggle of everything in the world changing, the ground constantly shifting under your feet. 

But the thing about Dragon Age, as a franchise... EVERYTHING keeps shaking the world. There’s constant recontextualizing of the narrative of the world, of the history, to say not just “[Thing we took for granted] was wrong,” but “[Thing we took for granted] was wrong AND it now means that the whole world must be reevaluated.” Dragon Age, both as a media franchise and as a period of time in universe, has been a period of constant upheaval.

And it doesn’t help that Dragon Age has, rather consistently, had at least one character per game that I have a significant level of trouble with actually, genuinely liking with because of something almost... I kinda want to use the word “triggering,” but I’m not actually flashing to actual, direct trauma a lot of the time, I just don’t have a better word.

Oghren’s characterization focuses so much on his alcoholism that I can’t dig out a character I enjoy. Anders and Sera both read as emotional (physical too, in Sera’s case) abusers in their romances. Dorian, I’ve been well over how exhausting and hurtful ANOTHER instance of queer pain has been for me. And Blackwall has always seemed far too similar to a lot of IRL discomforting people for me. I’m at least able to keep playing with Anders around because I feel like the game allows for recognizing his shitty behaviors and not letting the PC just take that shit. Otherwise, I minimize my interactions with the characters to the point of not recruiting them.

But that’s something of a microcosm of the franchise as a whole, isn’t it? I am cutting out portions of the narrative because they are not enjoyable experiences for me. 

And then there’s the consistent issue of their messaging. Where I am AT BEST uncomfortable with the framing of BioWare tearing down the elven faith with the “always planned” reveal that the Dalish gods were just powerful mages, while at the same time, BioWare writers saying that they never intend to directly address whether the Maker is real or not, that the ambiguity is central to the series. So the Christian-paralleled religion needs to be ambiguous as to its truth, but the religions in cultures based on those that historically Christianity has stomped on are proven false. 

Or the “both sides”ing of the Mage-Templar conflict, where mages are treated like prisoners for the crime of being born with abilities that the average person of Thedas doesn’t have. These are two of the biggest issues of Dragon Age, and the portrayal of both consistently makes me uneasy at best.

And while it would be easy to say that if I am this uncomfortable about the franchise, it would make the most sense to just pack it in and give it up, not spend any more money or time on it... It’s not that I DON’T care for it. Again, I like these glimpses at what Thedasians consider “normal,” the things that get lost in the shuffle.

And, of course, there’s the ever “fun” element that, if I walk away from this franchise, I walk away from one of the few franchises that even offer me the opportunity to play an openly queer protagonist, to have my identity validated. Like, yeah, I have significant issues with the character I am allowed to express that openly with in the canon material proper, but... It’s there. There is a part of this world, this franchise, that is at the least saying that I’m worth focusing on.

Call it sunk cost fallacy, but... I can’t quite bring myself to walk away from that. But I’m not sure how much at this point is me being interested in things and wanting to see how they play out and how much is just dragging myself along because I have no better options.