#i really want to talk w people more. especially since hs yes i really should make more connections

[noxtivagus]

HWJFLFJFJNS

Anxiety

[melancholymaz]

UNFORESEEN (3)

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader (past), Natasha Romanoff x Steve Rogers, Wanda Maximoff x Reader, Tony Stark x reader.

Warnings: Steve x Natasha fluff and angst, reader x Natasha fluff also reader on a date!

Summary: Y/N starts to move on from her relationship with Natasha, but Natasha can’t help but be stuck in a pit of despair as things start coming back to her.

The early morning sun peeks through the blinds, the sound of cars and early birds come through the large windows. A strong arm sits on her waist as the large body lays behind her, his hot breath fanning on the back of her neck, a feeling sits deep in her body, a feeling of regret and guilt. Guilt for feeling content in that moment considering the heartbreak she caused to be in that situation. The red head knows that the other members of the team ask themselves if she feels bad for what she did to Y/N, and the answer has always been the same. Yes. She thinks about it every day, and can still see the pain in the Y/C/Hs eyes when she saw the couple together for the first, and tears spring to her eyes if she always thinks about it for too long. It’s been 6 months since the gala where Y/N admitted to Natasha she was going to propose. Natasha may have another body to love and appreciate, but she never forgets the woman who not only she loved but who loved her back with no regrets. The way she loves Steve is so completely different to the way she loved Y/N. Steve and her’s relationship was built off of getting through a bad time together, finding a new light to see and really seeing who that person really was. But with Y/N, it was meeting someone by accident, them getting to know a complete fake, then still trusting and finding love in someone despite finding out about their real past. Steve knew Natasha’s past wasn’t pretty and that loving someone like her was going to be difficult and Natasha would be lying if she said Steve didn’t struggle to love her properly, but with Y/N it almost came effortlessly for her to love Nat, she handled every nightmare, bad days and Natasha’s distant time-periods almost perfectly and never made Natasha feel bad for the consequences of her traumatising upbringing. Steve can sometimes get frustrated when Nat gets distant after a bad mission, and Nat would sometimes find herself staring at the elevator button to Y/N’s floor contemplating on whether or not she should take comfort from her ex lover, knowing that Y/N would hold her for days despite her own pain.

“Good morning Nat.” Steve’s thick with sleep voice interrupts her thinking, rolling her over and she can’t help but smile at his bed hair and sleepy grin.

“Good morning Captain.” She replies, giving him a sweet kiss before wrapping her arms around his neck to hold him closer, pressing soft kisses to his neck and shoulders. “Pancakes?”

“Pancakes.”

-

Y/N sits in the booth of a dim lit diner, lightly sipping her soda as the brunette woman across from her continues to chatter on about something Y/N lost interest in minutes ago.

“And that’s why I decided to become a vet!” Lucy, Y/N guesses, concludes her story, clapping once before shoving a handful of fries into her mouth with little to no gracefulness. Y/N smiles and nods, before subtly looking down at her phone, sending a SOS message to the group chat including Wanda and Tony, the two people responsible as to why she was on her fifth date that month.

Smelly 🦠

Please come save me

Lucy then starts to go on about her pet rat, and Y/N couldn’t be more grateful that Tony had replied 10 minutes later, the fastest he’s replied in forever.

Toeknee 💸

We’re out front sweet cheeks

Y/N mentally cringes at the situation she’s put herself in, she hates to be that girl on the date that leaves so abruptly, but this date had been the worst she had ever been on and could not stand to be in that mangey diner any longer.

“Look Lucy-”

“Lauren.”

“Lauren, I’m sorry, but I really have to leave, there’s been an emergency at home and I got to go sort it out.” Y/N offers, smiling awkwardly, not even giving Lauren a chance to reply before she slaps down enough cash to pay for the bill plus a generous tip, before dashing out the diner doors straight into Tony’s car. She sits back and takes a deep breath before she opens her eyes to see Tony’s and Wandas amused grins staring back at her.

“You guys are jerks.” Y/N chuckles as the other two laugh, Tony reversing out of the parking spot before driving back home. It’s not long before she’s falling into her bed and putting on her favourite TV show, falling asleep quickly as it plays in the background.

-

Natasha, however, couldn’t believe what she was hearing, her heart was pounding in her chest, and she couldn’t really see past the tears in her bright green eyes. Her mouth opens and closes, trying to find the words to say to the tall blonde in front of her.

“W-What?” She stutters, she can feel her throat close up, and now she realises that if this was bad, what had Y/N felt when Natasha had completely shattered your heart?

“I can’t do this anymore Nat, I just don’t see us working long-term.” Steve says quietly, running a hand down his face. “I knew I shouldn’t have let it get as far as it has.”

“Are you being fucking serious right now?” Natasha’s angry at that comment, she couldn’t believe the nerve that Steve had. “From the get-go you didn’t believe it was going to go very far? So you let me destroy my relationship knowing it wasn’t going to be worth it? I thought this could have been different Steve! I loved you!”

“I’m sorry, okay?!” He replies, not wanting Natasha to get too angry that the rest of the Avengers would come to see what’s going on, seeming how it’s 12am on a Wednesday and nearly everyone would be asleep besides vision, Tony and Bruce maybe.  

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it Steve!” Natasha shouts, she falls back to sit on the chair behind her, holding her face in her hands as she takes in what just happened. “Oh my god i’m such an idiot!”

Before the tears start coming down like a waterfall, she quickly takes her leave, leaving Steve standing there feeling just as guilty. Natasha tries to keep her emotions at bay but she can’t help it, as the elevator door’s open on your floor she can’t help but let the sobs rack through her body, her hand shaking as she reaches up to knock twice on the bedroom door. Natasha hears a ruffling of blankets and light footsteps before the door swings open, Y/N’s once half asleep eyes now fully aware of a sobbing Natasha with her arms wrapped around herself tightly. Y/N immediately pulls her into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her before pulling the red-head to her chest. Natasha’s sobs become louder and stronger, and Y/N can’t help but want to wrap her up in a million blankets and hold her forever if it meant Natasha never cried like this again in her lifetime. Y/N gently rubs Natasha’s back, whispering gentle words in her ear until she starts to calm down. Y/N gently picks Nat up, carrying her to the bed, laying her down and pulling the blanket over her before climbing back into her side of the bed, pulling a sniffling Natasha into her arms once again.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.” Natasha’s weak voice whispers into the dark room, resting her head on Y/N’s chest, listening to the calm beating of Y/N’s heart.

“Never apologise to me, Nat. I know it wasn’t a nightmare, so what happened?” Y/N replies gently, combing her fingers along Nat’s scalp, knowing it would calm her down the easiest.

“Steve broke up with me, said he shouldn’t have let our relationship go as far as it did.” Nat says after a few moments of silence, now regretting running to her ex about the man she left her for.

“I’m sorry sweetheart.” Y/N replies sympathetically, pressing her lips to her head. “You know I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

“I still don’t understand how you’re treating me so well after what i did, especially now that it happened for nothing.” Natasha admits, slowly moving her arm to sit over Y/N’s body.

“It was a very shitty thing to do, and I’d be lying if I said I was over it. But I still love you more than anything, and I think that there could be us again potentially in the future.” Y/N says simply, wrapping her arms tighter around Natasha as she readjusts to lay down. “But we’ll talk about that another day, okay? Get some rest love, I’ll still be here with you in the morning.”

Natasha smiles softly, whispering as she lets sleep take over her tired body.  “Goodnight, Y/N, Thank you.”

A/N: Ahhhh I couldn’t help but end it in fluff!! I hope you guys enjoyed this part!

[ovvnwords]

WANTED  CONNECTIONS  ....  hi  here  is  a  list  of  connections  i  would  really  really  want  for  my  gremlins.  inspo  from  all  places  ;  music,  movies,  pins,  etc.  i’ll  post  this  in  the  server  /  put  it  linked  in  my  pinned  post  but  for  best  results  send  me  a  dm  on  d/scord  bc  i  suck  at  things!  thank.

AVIVA  ROUX  .  podcaster  /  content  creator (  meg  t.  stallion )  !

GIRL  GANG  !  not  necessarily  ‘girls’  but  yk  what  i  mean.  very  close  knit,  always  hanging  out,  never  one  w/o  the  other,  etc.  i  like  the  idea  of  them  all  bein’  kind  of  different  ----  breakfast  club  style?  (  aviva  cld  be  the  *jughead  vc*  i’m  a  weirdo  for  example  ).  idk  i  think  it’d  be  neat  n  interesting  cld  even  have  group  chat  edits  n  things  on  the  dash  frankly  i  wld  just  like  for  her  to  have  some  friends!  inspo  ( one  ,  two )  .

PODCAST  PARTNER  ! the  shane  to  her  ryan,  so  to  speak.  the  show  talks  about  mysteries  and  internet  oddities  and  different  spooky  things ( they  borderline  on  true  crime,  but  they  don’t  necessarily  go  into  detail  about  cases  if  that  makes  sense  )  .  i  think  the  dynamic  of  a  outrageous  thinker  to  her  pessimistic  ideals.  inspo  ( one  ,  two ,  three  ,  this  tag  ) .

YOUNGER  SIBLING  !  i  like  to  imagine  they’re  pretty  close,  maybe  close  in  age?  i  don’t  rlly  have  much  to  say  about  this  one,  should  probably  put  it  on  the  main,  but  i  love  sibling  connects  so  !

HATEHSHIP  !  someone  she  jus  can’t  stand  yet  can’t  stay  away  from.  maybe  they’re  an  asshole  but  damn  cute,  or  another  reason.  inspo (  one  )  .

ROOMMATES  ! like  to  imagine  it’s  a  bunch  of  them  living  friends-style,  either  in  the  same  apartment  or  even  building  (  or  wld  that  be  jersey  shore  style.  idk  ) but  it  cld  be  fun  especially  if  they  don’t  get  along  all  that  well  but  the  rent  is  nice  and  they  make  it  work.

FIRST  CRUSH  ! eeeeeeeeeeeee  they  cld’ve  met  when  they  were  children  and  had  one  of  those  one  day  long  things  in  elementary  school  where  they  broke  up  bc  they  didn’t  share  crayons  or  something  JSDVKJDFVKJV  they  could’ve  remained  friends,  been  neighbors,  had  crushes  or  a  fling  in  high  school  .

EX  SQUAD  !  i  like  the  idea  of  aviva  having  a  solid  friend  group  in  high  school  that  all  aren’t  good  terms  with  each  other  for  whatever  reason  ..  don’t  have  to  figure  it  out  asap  i  just  love  the  tension  thts  all.

BEST  FRIEND  /  RIDE  OR  DIE  ! someone  who  has  her  back  and  vice  versa.  supports  each  other  thru  thick  and  thin,  gives  each  other  the  whack  on  the  head  they  need  every  once  in  a  while.  inspo  (  one,  two )  .

FLING  /  FWB  /  HOOK  UPS  ! kind  of  self  explanatory.  aviva  doesn’t  really  have  a  preference,  if  she’s  attracted  to  u  she’s  attracted  to  you,  has  her  fun  but  s*x  isn’t  really  her  idea  of  a  fun  thing  to  do  24  /  7  .  like  to  imagine  she  mostly  goes  for  women  ( hey  ladies  .... )  !

EX  PARTNER  ! i  like  the  idea  of  them  being  super  cute  n  lovey  dovey  in  hs  but  then  maybe  one  of  them  went  off  to  college?  they  had  a  falling  out?  ended  on  not  so  great  terms?  the  possibilities  are  endless  to  be  frank!

RIVAL  /  ENEMY  /  SOMEONE  SHE  JUST  CAN’T  STAND  !  ig  this  could  be  more  chemsitry  based  but  they  just  avidly  dislike  each  other  for  one  reason  or  another?  can’t  stand  each  other?  petty  tweets  /  subtweets  etc  etc  .  could  be  fun  n  juicy.

FRIENDS  !  self  explanatory.

DAWSON  ELLIS .  unemployed  /  formal  journalist ( chris  pine  )  !

FRIENDS  !  self  explanatory.    he’s  40,  so  rlly  he  just  kinda  vibing.

RIVALS  /  ENEMIES  !  i  like  the  idea  of  just  hating  each  other  since  high  school  and  just  have  this  burning  hatred  for  each  other  even  after  all  this  time  …  chuckles.  inspo  (  one  )  .

PEOPLE  HE  TAKES  UNDER  HIS  WING  !  idk  what  this  could  entail  maybe  he  jus  likes  one  of  u  youngins  …  doesn’t  want  to  see  u  in  the  same  path  he  went  down,  tries  to  steer  u  straight  a  little  bit.  stuff  like  that.  very  dad  like  as  if  he  has  a  maternal  bone  in  his  body.

EX FIANCE ! heheh .. i plan on making this a wc possibly, but i like the idea of someone who he dated for a long period of time after he graduated and left irving, eventually who he proposed two. maybe his addiction could have caused a strain, maybe it was because he was traveling so much, or some other reason but then they broke it off. they came back to irving for one reason or another, he came back bc he’s sober now, there’s tension. kind of based on exile by taylor swift + bon iver .

EMPLOYER  !  this  man  needs  a  job.  so  ........    hands  on  hips  who  is  hiring.

FRIENDS  FROM  HIGH  SCHOOL  !  if  anyone  grew  up  in  irving  /  or  was  in  hs  around  the  time  he  was,  it  could  be  quite  fun  to  reconnect.  old  friends  yadda  yadda  yadda.  

SOMEONE  WHO  KNOWS  HIM  ONLY  FROM  HIS  SISTER  !  smiles  at  jean  so  wide  .....  yes  dawson  is  leonora’s  annoying  lil  brother.  he’s  very  elusive  (  or  so  he  thinks  …  )  so  .  we  cld  do  something  with  that  perhaps.

ELIJAH  PALERMO .  little  league  coach  /  student  (  lukas  gage  )  !

THE  LAST  PALERMO  SIBLING  !  yes  …  this  is  on  the  main  but  i  imagine  elijah  and  them  to  be  very  close  and  it’d  be  fun!  sorry  for  the  grey  hairs  though.

BEST  FRIEND  !  this  is  someone  elijah  trusts  more  than  jus  abt  anybody  ..  including  his  siblings  maybe.  they’re  always  together,  never  apart,  besties  forever.  causing  chaos  and  mayhem.  probably  co-parent  georgia.  knows  each  others  fast  food  orders,  encouraging  their  bad  behaviors  …  

EXES  !  i  like  to  imagine  elijah  is  the  type  to  rush  into  a  relationship  then  have  it  all  turn  to  shit.  could  be  on  good  terms,  bad  term,  neutral.  

EX  FRIENDS  !  along  the  same  vein,  maybe  they  had  a  falling  out?  one  of  them  just  didn’t  want  to  be  friends  anymore?  they  just  stopped  talking?  give  me  angst  thank  u.

FRIENDS  !  hes  so  talkative  and  annoying  please  give  him  more  friends  …  my  personal  favorites  are  old  couple  bickering  /  complete  opposites  /  good  or  bad  influences  /  new  age  “thembo  summit”  where  there’s  no  got  damn  thought  in  anyones  head  just  vibes.

FLIRTATIONSHIP  !  they  flirt  …  they  give  each  other  eyes.  and  yet?  nothing.  wtf.

HOOK  UPS  /  FWBS  !  they’re  hot.  and  he  has  eyes.  it’s  basic  math.  

RIVAL  /  ENEMY  !  i  like  to  imagine  elijah  didn’t  mean  to  be  rude  /  or  did  something  bad  to  this  person  but  he  did,  even  accidentally,  but  now  they  hate  him.  or  even  mutual  hatred  <3  constant  subtweets  n  petty  comments  in  public  …

PARTY  BUDDIES  !  theyre  always  together  at  parties  …  self  explanatory.  

PARENT  OF  KIDS  HE  COACHES  !  self-explanatory.

CLASSMATES  !  must  go  to  community  college,  but  otherwise  self-explanatory.  

WILL  THEY  /  WON’T  THEY  !  i  love  this  kinda  shit  ..  theyre  constantly  acting  like  a  couple  but  also  aren’t  one.  everyone  is  dying  to  know  like  …...  so  isn’t  eli  <3

HATEHSHIP  !  they  hate  each  other  .  but  also  f*ck.  then  hate  each  other  again.

ROOMMATES  !  pls  give  him  a  roommate  this  fucker  can’t  function  by  himself.

KALANI  MADDEN  .  student  (  auli’i  cravalho  )  !

PEOPLE  SHE  TEACHES  ASL  !  this  is  my  favorite.  pls  pls  pls.  she  uses  asl  as  her  primary  source  of  communication,  she’s  most  comfortable  with  it  due  to  her  hearing,  but  many  people  don’t  know  it  so  pls  let  her  teach  ur  muse  i’d  love  it  so  much.

FRIENDS  /  BEST  FRIENDS  !  i’d  love  to  have  a  lil  squad  ..  lil  baby  squad  or  even  just  a  best  friend  who  they’re  always  sharing  tiktoks  over  videos  and  having  sleepovers  and  going  to  wendys  at  1  am  bc  they’re  bored.  

RIVALS  /  ENEMIES  !  people  who  just  don’t  fuckin  like  her  bc  she’s  annoying  like  i  understand.

PEOPLE  WHO  DON’T  TAKE  HER  SHIT  /  HATE  HER  DRAMATICS  !  pls  hate  her.  punt  her  to  the  moon.  

PEOPLE  SHE  SPOILS  WITH  HER  PARENTS  MONEY  !  pls  let  her  sugar  mama  u.  she  will  buy  u  legit  anything  if  ur  nice  to  her.  

FLIRTATIONSHIP  !  this  wld  be  a  bit  cute  ..  almost  a  will  they  won’t  they  vibe.  they  flirt.  they  smile.  they  make  googley  eyes.  they  subtweet  each  other.  it’s  messy  and  cute.  

BAD  INFLUENCES  /  GOOD  INFLUENCES  !  people  who  lead  her  either  down  a  really  good  or  really  bad  path.  

PEOPLE  SHE  KNOWS  BC  OF  HER  BROTHER  !  self-explanatory  but  also  kind  of  need  him  for  this  so  .  hehe  .

HER  BROTHER  !  on  the  main,  but  pls  bring  this  kid  her  parent  (  almost  )  .

PEOPLE  SHE  KNEW  BACK  IN  NYC  !  self-explanatory.  her  family  is  very  wealthy,  famous  in  the  social  scene.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #263

laptop is still broken, nvm. :’)

Do you have a favorite song by The Cure? "Sweet Soul Sister." (': Are there things you've never told for fear that others would judge you? Yep. Can sex ever be casual? I personally don't support it, but ultimately, so long it's consensual, protected, and both parties understand what's going on, you do you. Would you like to go on television to receive a make-over? Not on TV, no. It'd be awesome to see myself after a professional makeup, but I ain't going on TV to show my ugly face. What will no one ever see you do? Smoking. Are you quick to anger? Rarely. Are you slow to forgive? Not really. Usually. What do you need help with? Being an adult, lmao. Do you take the easy way out of things? More often than I'd like... What is your favorite fabric to wear? *shrugs* I don't pay attention to the fabric I wear, really. Do you still make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? C'mon dude, you've got to! I don't believe in wishes increasing your odds of anything, but it's a must anyway! Do you look for four leaf clovers? Just casually when I'm walking or sitting outside. What are you the guardian of? My pets! Are you for or against censoring child pornography? I've seen many stupid questions in surveys. But this is the absolute dumbest. What the fuck is wrong with you. Are naked child images in paintings more acceptable than photographs of naked children? GENERALLY, yes, but it really depends on the artistic portrayal. None should be sexualized. Now that we can create such lifelike digital images, do you think it should be allowed for digital child pornography to exist (as in there were no children involved in the porn, it is all digitally made, the kids aren't real, they just look real)? Absofuckinglutely not. The concept is absolutely repulsive. Enough with these fucking questions. Do you like Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy better? Wheel of Fortune, ig. Jeopardy is pretty boring to me. What is your favorite tarot deck? I don’t know enough about tarots to comment. How do you feel about Wicca and Paganism? IT'S SUPER SUPER INTERESTING AND COOL AND I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT IT!!!! I relate most to Neo-Paganism anyway, so I obviously don't mind them. Wicca especially is a very, very misconstrued religion that has just been horribly abused by the media. Do you believe that people who practise the above religions are able to accomplish magic? No, I don't. If you were given the opportunity to lead a creative writing program for a small group of students in a high school with a low budget in generally poor neighborhood, would you do it? No, but only because I could never been a teacher. Sounds fun otherwise. Should high school cafeterias stop serving twinkies and other fatty foods? BIIIIITCH whose HS sells Twinkies????? I need to know?????? Anyway, no, but I believe there must be mostly actually nutritional options. Let kids have the chance to have a little snack during a boring 'ole school day. What band is so romantic that anyone who listens to them must be romantic at heart? BOY Josh Groban. Have your gods and idols let you down? The Christian god did. What do you waste? Whew... time... time. When was the last time that you were neither going to school or working for a month or more? Currently. Ugh. What is your light at the end of the tunnel? The potential of a beautiful future. Speaking of the light, is the light that people see when they die the random firing of electrons or is it something more? Good question. I lean towards it being a natural phenomenon as everything shuts down, BUT I find the reincarnation/birth canal theory to be quite interesting. I don't really believe it, but hey, who the hell am I to decide if it is or not. If you were going to have a mural painted in your bed room what would you want it to be of? A scene of meerkats probably. Is sex more about fulfilling a need or giving yourself? Giving yourself. Do you like your belly? FUCK NO. Do you think more or act more? Think, sadly. Should there be a mandatory retirement age? Of course not. You work all you want boo. What's the craziest thing you've ever done on impulse that worked out well? This is gonna sound... very bad, but my suicide attempt. It made things abundantly clear I needed serious help. It led to my partial hospitalization program. Do you have any exercise tapes or DVDs? No but OH MY GOD this made me remember my lil sister used to a Barbie one that we followed lmaoooo. Does the sound of crickets bother you? No, I quite enjoy it actually. Is the sound of a fan on at night soothing? Yessss. How do you feel you will likely die? I really don't know, but probably cancer-related. Recent events have made it abundantly clear it does in fact run in our family, and genetic testing because of Mom's cancer revealed that at least through her, my sisters and I are susceptible to pancreatic, breast, and ovarian cancer. Once this virus passes over, we're all getting tested for free to get an understanding of what hell Dad gave us lmao. Have you ever been slapped in the face? No. How about punched? Yeesh, no. That was something unique about you as a child? I was CRAZY about dinos for the average little girl. Have you ever come up with a memorable quote? Not really. What is something interesting about where you live? The town is like, really, really old. Downtown looks right out of an old movie. Were you breastfed as a baby? Yeah. If you’ve lost your virginity, what was your first time like? I don't remember it because it didn't really register what we were doing was sex. I still don't know today if you could call it sex since it was really dry humping through thin clothes, but it sounds close enough. What do you think about masturbation? You do you boo. Is it sometimes better than the real thing? I don't think so, though I only had a brief episode where I did it when I was put on a new birth control that made my hormones like so, so far beyond control. I stopped that shit sooo fast. I got almost nothing out of it, honestly. Intimacy is a two-person job for me. Who do you think about most? Jason, whether I want to or not. Favorite way to pamper yourself? Go to bed early lol. What's your most expensive piece of clothing? I don't have a clue. I don't really have expensive stuff. What was your last big achievement? Ugh... I'm not the person to ask. I haven't made any big ones even semi-recently. Have you ever had a "false alarm" moment, what was it about? Oh sure. The first time that comes to mind was when I thought Venus was dying once when she had a series of horrible coughing/gagging fits a long time ago. We took her to the vet with the risk of a respiratory infection, but she was clear, thankfully. I think she had early signs, though. Do you know how to ride a bike? Ye. If you were in the hospital who are the two people you'd want by your side? Mom of course, and it'd be nice if Sara was there if she was at all capable of that, but I'm fine w/ just Mom. If you could ever take a street sign, what sign do you want? Well, I wouldn't, but probably "stop" bc that applies to a lot in my life, lmao. Have you ever not returned something you borrowed and if so what was it? I don't think so? When you pack your lunch, what's your favorite packed lunch? Usually just a good 'ole pb&j. :') What was the one most important thing you learned from your parents? Take care of your goddamn relationship. Talk shit out instead of yelling. Work together. Never neglect the reason you're with each other. Have you done something you worry could come back to haunt you, what? No, because I don't believe in karma. If you had to build a small ark, what 7 animals would you save? Those with the biggest ecological impact, like bees and spiders, for example. I wouldn't be very happy with all my choices while all other animals perished, but you've gotta think of what comes next. Out of just selfishness I'd obviously have to spare a spot for meerkats, aha. They'd help with the bug control, though! I don't know about the other four, though; I'd have to think real hard on 'em. What is something your parents love that you actually love too? Classic rock and metal. Has anyone ever said "I love you" and you couldn't say it back? I firmly remember this is how I ended that childish shit with Joel. He said it and I couldn't. Have you ever ridden a camel? No. What's been the hardest loss you've had to take? Jason. What emotion is your least favorite and the one you are not in touch with? Fear, of course. No one likes being afraid. I'm not all that in touch with greed at all. Do you think facial moles or freckles are cute? I don’t mind 'em. Sometimes they're super-duper cute. Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I don't trust strangers for shit. If you're searching for a relationship, where is your go-to place to look? I don't really "look" anywhere. What book have you read multiple times? I lost count of how many times I've read Meerkat Manor: Flower of the Kalahari. Granted, in subsequent reads, I would skip over the HUGE tangent chunks that were entirely unrelated to meerkats. I seriously remember one long-ass section was like a goddamn essay on why smaller animals tend to have unnaturally large testicles like I don't fucking care talk about Flower again. I think I only decided to read it in full two times, but maybe not even that. Do you keep a budget? I don't have the income to do so. Have you ever test driven a car you knew you weren't going to buy? No, never test-drove anything. What do you have a hard time visualizing? There's a number of things, but this one thing is weird shit: I can't picture my old therapist. Even when I saw her every month, I could almost NEVER visualize her in my head. She's a fucking cryptid or something, paranormal shenanigans is going on here. She's the only person I know where I have that problem. What makes you feel uncomfortable in group settings? I worry I'll make myself look stupid in front of everyone. What was your worst date ever? I don't feel like I've really had a bad one. I've had one that did nooooot go according to plan and I know the average girl would've been annoyed, but I'm actually an understanding human being who found the adventure fun in the end. Basically a flat tire, a sketchy tire place, and a lot of walking happened lmao. Tyler felt fucking awful, felt bad for him. Have you ever gotten in a bidding war on Ebay, if so for what item? HAHA yeah, though it was technically Mom, but she had me keep an eye on it. I remember Parasite Eve took some battling to get. I think maybe a Legend of Spyro game, too? Are you supportive of your friends even if you don't agree with them? So long it's not literally insane or stupid, usually. It really does depend. What did you think was stupid until you tried it? Hm. I'm not sure. What subject do you and your parents never see eye to eye on? Religion. I keep most of my beliefs to myself now. Where do you see yourself in 1 year's time? Honestly, I don't want to ponder and picture this. What is your favorite type of seafood? I only like shrimp. What triggers your inner shopaholic? HA, do tattoos count? See cool ones, and then I'm planning (more than only always...) tons of new ones I want and will just be DYING (ALSO more than always lakdjfwe) to go to the parlor. What public figure do you disagree with the most? I really can't say considering I'm just not educated enough here. What is your opinion on rats as pets? They are absolutely wonderful! Smart, sweet, and very clean despite their stigma. I've had quite a few. What is something you're afraid to try? Sky diving, the Tower of Terror ride. ;___; That kinda stuff. What song makes you dance uncontrollably? None. Do you like nachos, if so what topping is a MUST have? Cheese is all I really need for nachos. Do you have any subscriptions? Yes, to Adobe Creative Cloud. Which is better, Mario or Sonic? Mario games are cute, Sonic's make me cringe - I've watched enough Game Grumps to know lmao. I hate hate hate cringe culture, like let people enjoy whatever, but I absolutely cannot stop my cringe reaction to some shit. I don't judge the people that enjoy whatever it is, though. THAT pisses me off. Who is the most creative person you know? I've known Sara and Connie much too long to not say them. They have such vast imaginations. Besides a pickle, what is your favorite thing pickled? I've actually never tried anything pickled, I think... no wait. Aren't jalapenos? Well there, jalapenos. What did you do for your 21st birthday? If not, 21 what are your plans? I had my normal therapy sessions in the mental hospital lmfao. It's unfortunate, but I do have fond memories of the day. Everyone was so damn sweet, and the friend I made there even got in touch with one of the lunch ladies, who literally went to go buy me a slice of cake. She and the other employees in the kitchen brought it out at dinner, and everyone sang happy birthday. I think I remember tearing up just because it was so goddamn sweet, but also bittersweet in that I was in a fucking mental institution for my BIGGEST birthday. When I got out, Colleen bought me a red velvet cake to "make up for it," ha ha. I miss her every now and then alsdkjf;wae. Are you a role model for anyone in your life? Oh, I doubt it. Do you think you need to slow down and enjoy life more? I don't need to go any fucking slower in my life. Can you impersonate anyone famous? I don't believe so. Never really tried anyone. What is your favorite salty snack? Spicy Cheetos mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden for sit-down, Sonic for fast food. Have you ever been in a play for school? In elementary school. I never had a big roll, though. Do you wish you had more friends? Very much. What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? Aunt Lydia. Which famous author would you like to meet? I'm not particularly interested in any. Which artist would you like to meet? Hey hey hey. Mark's brother is a comic artist. Meet him, one step closer to meeting God Himself. (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง Which singer would you like to meet? OZZY sobs What celebrity do you have a crush on? Anyone who's even heard about a hint of my Markiplier obsession knows I would fuck him into oblivion. When you were in middle school, were you in love with someone you never talked to? No, I didn't romantically love anyone. Do you believe that there is an unseen spirit realm? I do. Martini, margarita, or sangria? YO STOP I'm weak with these things. I can't pick. Do you feel you are extremely gifted but no one appreciates you? No. I honestly feel like people have more faith in what I'm capable of than deserved. What Lisa Frank character is your favourite? The angel cat, probably. Or tiger. Do you know how to use Braille? No. When you use stairs, do you usually hold the rail? Currently, I have to because of my muscle atrophy. I need help to stay steady. Have you ever worn a veil? No. Have you ever planted a tree? We actually did plant an apple tree in our front yard at my childhood home. Never grew much. Have you ever made anything with clay? A number of things from art classes. Has today been a good day? No, honestly. Have you ever fed a horse hay? Yes. Are you more likely to text "Okay", "OK" or just "K"? "'Okay.' The other two are restricted for when I am in a mood and want someone to know I am in a mood." <<<< HA HA SAME. Do you like the taste of lime? Sure. Have you ever seen a mime (in real life)? Not to my recollection. Have you ever seen a deer (in real life)? Plenty of times; whitetails are common here. Right now, what can you hear? "Game Over" by Falling In Reverse. Have you ever seen a bear (in real life)? In the zoo, yes. I think there's a possibility I have in the wild, but only from a distance? Have you ever eaten glue? No. Do you tend to buy clothes used or new? New. If you have Netflix, how many items are in your queue? N/A

[felidjingga]

This year’s camp was so different to me in so many levels.

First, thank you to Enyun and Fiona for the ribena and liangteh, i smiled at it so much after receiving it :’) Thank you for remembering me and encouraging me! (and my eyes! hahahhaa!)

After done with logis, had dinner w sinn and feli and it was one of such thankful dinner. In camp, i couldn’t even eat like a proper full meal because of needa to play syndrome so no feel and no appetite to eat, (Idk about you but i will feel such way) therefore i lost 2kg when i am already to skinny!! So the meal and ramen after camp was YUMZ to the YAYz!

It was also in camp and after getting together with this guy, we got to talk personally to many many leaders, Jon and Gerry, Waiyin, and so many leaders and people asked about us :’) I thank God for the hours of fellowship of wise words and godly fellowship, where i have so many to learn from these people! And that Jon And Gerry told us the tips to relationship is to set like ‘rule’ eg if we quarrel when we will talk it out, isit immediate or tomorrow... or telling ch being the bigger guy and be the MAN of the house HAHAHAHA and open up lives... and many insights to their life stories.. dealing with things like insecurities... and future.. family.. kids.. and just sharing ;’)

As for Waiyin.. she met us up to catch up and simply get to know about my life and for that itself i’m so thankful for her to press into my life!

Thank you leaders for getting excited over what’s ahead over our lives! For loving us!

Also, so thankful Elrina came!!!!

Currently, both the bf and I (i am getting used to calling my boyfriend hahahaha) are consecrating our lives even more and I am so so so so so glad to have him in my journey, strengthening my faith day by day, thank you for praying and sharing His word with me...

for...  - ending every single fellowship with prayer before we part - sending me home every single time we met that i felt guilty - for seeing me 8 days straight... and just going to Marina Barrage ( Love this place soooooooo much!! yes beside fort canning also!) and just enjoying the breeze and have the peace of God - for attending service together, fellowship together etc... before he change his season in life..

And I’m so happy to have an anointed BF with sucha beautiful heart :’) And he��s definitely a gem. and one who has been keeping me soooo happy the past one month. and so thankful. and so blessed. hehe #aiqing or isit #honeymoon?

Ok now about all the sessions and encounters:

I’m legit so blessed by all the word from Weiren about Qadash, Ps Bobby about practice practice practice, Jeremy Lee about Say No and Say Yes, Prophet Gary about Daniel 1 and Raymond about being faithful... all these, i think much more time to digest the word.

So many take away for camp I’m going to list it:

1) First night while i was playing KB, it’s the first time i hear an audio voice of trumpet/saxophone fill in, i looked around and there was no one playing wrongly or sound wrongly, because everyone was in deep worship and i was playing “we wait for You” line... it was wow.... God reminded that He is there throughout when I play that He is with me.. I could sense His glory in the room and His presence so thickly.... so thank You Jesus...

I used to never experienced this and live so by the Word but now i can finally understand much much better about realm of the Spirit :’)

2) Prophet Gary session... led to so many feelings which i will share separately in my separate post!

3) I came home feeling so filled to the brim, so recharged, so empowered... that I want to be even more consecrated for Him.. to pray and fast more... to love God more, and especially - to listen to sermon and study His Word more...

I so thank God for CH who is so godly :’) and geeky. He’s secretly smart and intelligent, it’s this side that i discovered recently that I so love. HEHE #rouma

4) I went off the camp feeling healed, from all doubts, all sadness, and guilt. And have been feeling much joy and set free and freedom. I felt that i surrendered everything to God and so rest assured He takes care of me so well.. I know that He will bless me and bless others also :’) And that prayer is so very powerful :’) Especially hearing the women meeting, the girls shared... especially how their lives so touched by His presence and word of prophecy even by member :’) I pray that I will be an even better encourager and edifier to others, that I can discern even much better ;’)

Today i got this strange feeling that CH posted smth, and i checked, and true enough he just posted 10 mins ago. It’s so so strange it’s as if HS asked me to check him out. SO IN AWE cuz he really did and i really did not think of it at all O_O

And yes now... have a v packed week ahead before school starts! Meeting members and arranging my life and schedule. Pay my school fees and get ready the lecture notes. Go back to work as school term starts, and guess what....

.

.

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I SIGNED UP FOR CHRISTOLOGY AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR MYSELF!! <3 i’m so looking forward to it, and sitting in class alone. I figure out since I have time this year and I really wanna know about His being 100% man and 100% God more, i should go for it :’) Love it! Love my life... and i thank God! :)