#i really thought i’d be able to survive 2 weeks without access to my video games. weak. pathetic.

[eye-of-yelough]

why have i seen two fanarts of peoples argonian ocs in the last 10 minutes. tumblr hates me tumblr wants me to miss my girl more and more ….

[i-am-a-fan-of-empty-spaces]

super long 12/21 birthday letter

dear god:

i’m on ritalin and can’t nap.

when i write these things there’s always a kind of balance i have to maintain. emotions and words are slippery and when you get an image you want to complete it, and you have to stop yourself and think: does this stay true to what i’m actually feeling? 

the truth is i feel a mix of a lot of feelings at all times. they come and fade. that makes it hard to write about them. i felt physical joy watching the contrapoints video on violence, then switched to facebook and saw my conversation with graham, felt guilt and shame and sort of a self mild-dislike. i felt motivated when ritalin first started coming on, and thought, i could probably do anything right now. but now that i’m faced with the task of studying for tutoring, it’s hard to get motivated, even if it’s easier than normal. feelings exist on scales, but words deal with yeses and nos. 

what’s going on w me? a lot happens over the course of a week. maybe one dominant theme of this week is shame and frustration over not being a good friend. some expectation to be comforted by others when i share this with them. a small degree of guilt over my desire to share this as a way to be comforted. not enough to demand anyone tell me what they honestly think about me, which is what i want most. 

i get the desire to have immediate access in crucial moments to the things that would make me a better/interestinger friend--the right words, responses, a good understanding of their feelings, more intelligence and insight, genuine interest in their lives, more skill at writing and art, 

part of this feels very myopic and selfish and pointless. if i were a non-me person reading this i wouldn’t care.

steven asked me how my friends were doing. i told him they were probably busy with finals. it didn’t dawn on me until then that that could be a reason i felt annoying. in the past whenever he got busy i got depressed and insecure and then i’d realize it wasn’t anything about me at all, i wasn’t messaging more he was just responding less. 

honesty about situations and not editing in little narrative-enhancers is a difficult task when writing for my future self and knowing an audience can read. it’s easy to believe my own lies. things like “here is why i am like this”, that make for a more coherent life story. the truth is just “i don’t know” for 99% of all things, so the method is to use as few words as possible and to be as direct as possible when describing any emotion or circumstance. even highlighting a truth like this is dangerous. you can’t be sure your insights will ever hold up over time. you can only describe your feelings in the moment. the closer you zoom and the less you make sense of things, the less dangerous things get. 

i wrote that on mdma feelings can only be defeated by larger contextualizing feelings.

ok god that’s out of the way. lemme do a thing real quick. lemme express feelings dishonestly to beautify myself and my life. the ritalin is wearing off sharply and my head is clouded by noise suddenly and my writing ability has vanished.

i said on mdma i wanted you to save people. i still want you to save people. i want you to save all of us. my tendency to read humanity as being sad and deserving of pity probably gets me in trouble with friends, probably makes them feel condescended to. but can i indulge this for just a second? i feel helpless a lot, a lot. i see people feeling helpless, even if they don’t admit it or recognize it. and i worry about a lot of people, about how they might never find someone to understand them, about how they might lose faith in the capacity of humanity to save them. i see them feeling sad and wanting to die. they talk about not being worth anything. my friend graham has tried to kill himself a lot of times already and he is a great person who should not die. i’m afraid they’ll always struggle with sadness or alienation or all of the weight they carry from past hurts. i don’t have enough love in me to give. even if i were to have all the love they needed to feel important i wouldn’t know how to express it in a way that could save them. 

i confess that these days i believe in you less, believe less in some power outside of human effort and blind luck that can change hearts, but i think when desire is powerful enough it will escape in the form of prayer, and a god becomes necessary as a receptacle of something so impossibly good that reality can’t contain it. we find ourselves bargaining, promising tasks, changes of heart, our lives, in exchange for an answer, and then we find all of it falling short and hope you have enough love for us to grant us mercy. the desire for a loving god is woven into the human heart.

it’s taken an hour or so to write these past few paragraphs. writing on a ritalin comedown is an uphill battle against mental noise.

let’s try short sentences. i can’t think long.

i pray for graham. i pray for cherr. i pray for JC. i pray for steven. i pray for giulio. i pray for felix. i pray for ace. i pray for arielle. i pray for myself. i pray for my sisters, though i find this oddly hard to say sincerely.

i pray that i have more love for my sisters. 

i pray for myself, that i can sincerely want what’s best for people even after growing close to them and seeing their selfish bits in high resolution. i pray for love that doesn’t rely on projecting my own desires on to people.

i pray for my parents. 

i pray for more love and more wisdom and more desire for love and wisdom, and stupid courage to face my own lack of it no matter how depraved and awful it gets to look at and courage also to develop where i need to develop even if it will never be close to enough, and i pray for my very best to be enough for me and i pray that people will be patient with my faults and i will be patient too,

i pray for humility and trust and stupid faith in you to provide for them all,

i pray for all of them to go places in life that are good and to find things that are good that help them survive and become fulfilled and beautiful. at the time of writing this i really feel it.

i pray for a good world. i pray for strong people. i pray that you are real, and one day things will be made right. i am angry at people who try to see things as good as they are now because things are fucked and awful and the world hurts people without recompense. i pray that you are the fulfillment of every unfulfilled desire.

i pray to be less selfish. 

i pray, selfishly, to be less insecure, because it feels bad. i want to be a healthy happy person with good thoughts and intentions.

god these days i get stressed a lot and i’m weak so instead of powering through i say things like “god save me” and “i feel lost” when it’s not actually that bad. and i curl up and let the noise in my head scatter in a million directions until i feel okay.

being honest is hard work. sighing to you like a child to a doting mother is much more satisfying. i would like to sigh to my friends because they respond more readily but humans don’t take well to self-pity. so i sigh to you.

God, help me. i feel lost. help me, help me, save me, please. teach me strength sure, 

but right now also save me and make me float in the confident knowledge of your strength and beauty so i don’t have to be strong and i can just walk forward effortlessly knowing graham and cherr and steven and giulio and felix will be okay always and forever and that one day i will be good and wise and loved and so will they. 

make this world beautiful and okay. this world is fucked and we are sad.

like a child’s cry is designed to be heard by a mother our suffering exists to invite your grace. 

amen

PS shit sucks and i’m confused a lot and stressed out and i’m a coward so i like it when it gets bad enough that i feel okay napping.

PS my therapist sucks

PS odesza is good i wanna listen to em on molly

PS i wanna be a good friend but also this is code for i wanna be liked by people i like forever

PS remember that time in taiwan i shouted at my mom and she cried and said she felt unloved even if she knew i loved her? i know how that feels and it sucks.

seriously god how do i become likable and make people’s lives good and enjoyable, and how much of this is selfishness vs genuine desire to help others and when this happens how do i make sure my whole life is constantly in a state of this and never in a state of me being annoying and needy and what is the meta truth i need to defeat my fear of being annoying

lastly PS here’s to a good 25th year 

and thank you god for letting me meet graham and cherr and everyone even mel and thank you for letting me see humanity in its richness and interestingness 

and thank you for giving me emotions and for keeping me safe all these years and giving me a sense that i am loved and understood and valuable no matter where i go

thank you for this unwavering confidence in the beauty and goodness of the human experience. you’d better not take this from me. 

like can i brag? my life rocks, taiwan was beautiful, i am cool, i am likable to a lot of people and able to get close super fast, i travel and try drugs, i am deep and interesting and moody, i bought a fucking sick cat hoodie and it makes me cute, i feel cute sometimes like right now, this bed is soft as hell, i can read tarot cards drunk at parties, i’ve grown so wise, i made a comic w cherr,

can i thank you double for my friends because holy fucking shit they are such great great humans and in every measure no matter how deep or shallow they are A+, like on the shallow end they’re easily as cool as me and have interesting opinions worth hearing and if i weren’t weird about hugging i’d hug like 2 or 3 of them maybe,

ecuador is gonna rule, maybe one day things will fall apart and i’ll lose a sense of joy over things as shallow as sick cat hoodies but like lemme have this moment, lemme have this joy okay god

amen.

oh but

on the one hand i wanna say 3 hour journaling is the norm for me. but also, i distinctly remember being on 40 mg methylphenidate and spending the 3 hours writing a letter to nathan, i also distinctly remember this molly trip a few weeks ago where i spent 8 whole entire hours writing, and each of those times it felt totally natural and not a drug compulsion, and my therapist was like “holy moly that’s a lot of writing” and i was like “nah i write when i’m sober” but shit i think he’s right

[godzillamendoza]

YouTube Is Failing. I don’t know if I can keep this up forever.

I think its time I gave some of my take on this whole thing going on lately. If you’re unaware, YouTube is striking content for very silly reasons, some of which it refuses to explain. Videos get demonetized for no reason now because YouTube’s AI is biased to pick on certain channels, and the whole thing is trying to push a more family friendly, ant-controversy feeling. A lot of people are talking about the way the system works now, how creators are effected, and how there’s not much hope of fixing it. I decided that I wanted to talk about how its affecting me on an emotional level, having this anvil on a string above my head with “not suitable for all advertisers” written on it. 

As per usual, here’s a stream of consciousness rant about where I feel like all this is going for myself personally. Some of this I wrote down while texting a friend on the subject and then realizing that these points were probably important to share on a broader scale. 

I love making videos on this platform, but I feel like we're running on borrowed time. ​Its only a matter of time before this is not long financially viable and I have to drop all hopes of using it as a career. I've wanted to make it as a YouTuber since I started watching the site in 2008 and made my own channel in 2010. Now it feels like right when I'm making progress and have an audience, I'm only weeks out from getting shanked by the system and left to bleed in a gutter while my loving followers stand in a circle and panic while they fail to close the wound. Then I’ll be left to start over in some other entertainment field that's far less accessible than YouTube once was. All my life I’ve wanted to be a public persona and an entertainer. Ever since I was a kid. I felt it most when I became isolated and alone in middle school. But I’m getting ahead of myself. 

A lot of people begged me to start the Patreon as a last ditch effort to keep a steady flow of revenue before the bot inevitably notices all the times I committed to dark comedy and swear words in my videos.  Now, the thing is, Patreon and stream donations are entirely dependent on the kind of audience loyalty I have.  ​If I can't continue to grow as a channel, that audience stagnates.  ​If I can't keep providing videos for that audience, they will stop caring, regardless of how loyal they are right now.  They can't keep donating to someone who isn't posting videos anymore. Its a waste of their money and I don’t think they should do that. ​The paradox is that if I can't keep producing in a way that narrowly slips past the censors and bots, I will implode, but the more content I produce, the closer I get to being unable to make more content.  I need a steady stream of content going or else I'll be forgotten. I can't keep a steady stream if YouTube is kneecapping creators in favor of whoever gets them the most cash. If the money doesn’t keep flowing, I’ll have to get a normal job and then have even less time to make videos, meaning that I’ll just get closer and closer to having to quit entirely because its going back to being a profitless hobby that’s distracting me from being responsible and working for a living. 

I’ve heard others tell me that I can get by if I just go PG with the whole thing. That’s more difficult than it may seem.  ​I'd be unable to put out a lot of gameplay videos because games are almost always violent and Kyle and I almost always cuss because that’s how my friend and I communicate. That’s our normal banter. Censoring that to fit the guideline and talking to each other with restrictions becomes disingenuous and its more clear that I’m trying to do the video to appease YouTube than to have fun. However,  ​I can avoid cussing in reviews. In fact, in the Marvel nemesis review I said "shit" once and zero f-words.  That wasn't even intentional honestly, I just didn't have a reason to swear that much. I think in my scripted material, I can exercise self control and avoid more adult oriented language and material, but that sort of limits the tone and humor people have come to expect from me and like about my channel. 

My goal from day one was to be a comic channel that can have fun and isn’t quite as rigid or sterile as the others. Other comic channels do two things. They look at the material as something to be taken too seriously and avoid having any kind of humor towards it, often functioning as a sort of fanboy echo chamber to perpetuate safe and sterile opinions on this material without having a sense of identity or memorability. The other thing they do is become this sort of manufactured and dishonest figure, by really jumping on the train to make easy money and ride the sudden popularity of the medium that sprang up in the past decade. They report on and commentate on comics, but they often feign interest in it or turn their nose up at it with a subtlety that says to me, “I secretly think this is ridiculous and people who like this are more so, but they give me money so whatever lol Spider-Man radiation semen in Spider-Man Reign, remember that?????? I’ve never even read that story but I bring it up constantly for the lulz” I honestly fucking despise both. I felt like most comic channels (with exceptions of course) gave this medium a bad name by taking it too seriously or not seriously enough. I thought the thing that made me unique was by staying in the middle and making jokes where appropriate, but also expressing my genuine love and fascination at others. And it was working. People were noticing and I was picking up steam. Now in the past few weeks, I feel like I’ve been unable to increase my audience. I can’t seem to gain subscribers in the pace I used to, and even my comic book related videos are under-performing. I don’t think this is the fault of my current audience, I think they’re more excited than ever. I think its that the system is becoming increasingly hostile towards creators and making it harder to get noticed and build upon an established audience unless it was ALREADY massive. Channels with 2 million+ subs get promoted more and more, while channels with only a few thousand are either getting dismantled by the robot or just struggling to ice-skate uphill and get more views. Some mothafuckas’ always trying to ice skate uphill.  So in addition to being worried about being unable to keep making things the way I do without losing financial stability, I’m also worried that I won’t be able to keep growing with the safe and sterile content I’d have to make to keep being financially stable, and the way I’m making things currently is also being actively ignored by YouTube because I don’t spam 15 videos a day to stay relevant in the eyes of the promotion bot. Its a 3 pronged problem. You can almost turn it into some kind of complex equation. But the end result is that I’m getting stuffed from 3 different angles and its looking more grim as I go. In all honesty, I don’t see my channel surviving past the end of 2018. I can already imagine myself making a teary eyed video explaining that I can’t do this anymore because I can’t afford to pay my bills.

Honestly, this is very stressful for me. The thing I love doing most, the thing that I felt like gave my life meaning for the past 3 years... its being taken away little by little. I used to get made fun of for the things I liked. People actively avoided me in school for the comic books and video games because those weren't cool things to them. Now people respect me for liking those things and think I'm cool for knowing so much about both. I took my weakness and made it a strength.  I have this legion of amazing people that treat me like I'm important now and I feel like once I can't provide entertainment for them anymore, they'll forget about me. And then I'll just have to work at the grocery store and never express my ideas and opinions. I'll just get set back to being a face in the crowd that barely anyone talks to. I don’t know what to do anymore. Best I can hope for is to just keep making things for my small but respectable audience. I’ll keep making them laugh and making them think and then when I can’t do it anymore, we’ll part ways and I’ll find a new way to entertain. And I’ll just pray to whatever’s out there that those fans will remember the times I made them laugh or made them think, and they’ll smile and ask “whatever happened to GodzillaMendoza?” And hopefully they’ll find me in whatever new corner of the world I’m in trying to make a living being creative, and they’ll support that new dumb endeavor. I really feel like I have something to give to the world as a creator. Its just hard to do that sometimes, but generations before mine had it harder. Steven Spielberg and John Carpenter and pre-scumbag-George Lucas all had their own uphill battles becoming household names. They had to fight to put their ideas out there in a vacuum. The sad reality is, for a short time in society, it became super easy to be a big name creative type, no matter what you looked like, what you were into, and where you were from. For a time, anyone could have made it to the big-time. I’m trying my best, and maybe through some sheer accident I can be one of those people. But as it is now, it looks like I may have hopped on just a few years too late. It won’t be easy anymore. It’ll go back to being this infinite struggle to be heard or noticed. Both as a person, and as a creative voice. I dread that feeling, but I suppose deep down, I’m ready for it. 

Being me was never meant to be easy. With every personal struggle, every abusive father, every financial hurdle, every cheating girlfriend and broken heart, every lie I’ve been told by someone I trusted, every cruel school bully, every time I had to fall back on a handful of pills to make it through the day without collapsing... with all of that plus run-on sentences-- I’ve gotten used to fighting to simply exist. Maybe this is just part of that. I can’t exist without art. Videogames, comics, movies, books, every other kind. It all makes me who I am, and its all I feel like I can give to the world. I’ll keep trying to give that until there’s nothing left of me. I never wanted to be rich and famous. I just wanted to live comfortably and stress-free doing the things that make me happy. Being an adult for a year and being responsible for myself taught me there’s no such thing as living comfortably or stress-free. Its always a battle with the world and yourself. So fuck it, I guess I’ll just keep going anyway. Live through the despair with blind hope and just pretend that I’m not freaking out constantly. This is going to get a lot worse and might not ever get better, but I can’t give up. I’m not particularly handsome. I can’t be some innovative inventor that will fix society’s problems. I don’t have the influence to reshape society and make the world more peaceful with a silver tongue. 

All I can do is try to make living on Earth a little more fun for other people with this warped imagination of mine. Without sharing my creativity, I really have nothing left. I won’t live through that.

[loveaningenue]

Kaylor: Media Timeline

All the random Kaylor articles the media published and interviews where Karlie or Taylor talked about each other. To view the article, click the date for the first section and the title of the article for the second part. I probably missed a bunch of interviews/articles, so if anyone wants to add send me links.

Articles/Media:

Buzzfeed - April 7, 2015 Are You More Like Taylor Swift Or Karlie Kloss?

Teen Vogue - August 3, 2016 How Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss Became Friends

MTV - October 5, 2016 Karlie Kloss Has One More Thing In Common With Her Good Friend Taylor Swift

MTV - November 3, 2016 Karlie Kloss And Taylor Swift Could Build A Tech Empire

E! News - December 12, 2016 How to Be Taylor Swift: A Study in Five Parts

Tigerbeat - December 17, 2016 Quiz: Who Said It - Taylor Swift or Karlie Kloss?

People Magazine Snapchat - December The 29 Most Perfect Taylor Swift NYC Style Moments

Dating Symbol Quiz - January 10, 2017

Refinery 29 Snapchat - January 15, 2017 True or False? More Americans Are Identifying As LGBT More Than Ever Before.

BuzzFeed - January 17, 2017 Which Iconic Taylor Pic Got The Most Likes?

E! News- January 18, 2017 Taylor Swift: What Happened to Hollywood’s Most Famous Girl Group?

People Snapchat - January 19, 2017 Which Is Taylor and Which Is Karlie?

GQ  - February 15, 2017 How To Date... Karlie Kloss

InStyle - May 3, 2017 Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift’s Absolute Cutest BFF Moments

Karlie and Taylor talking about each other:

Italic: Interviewer 

2012

Vogue - Taylor Swift: The Single Life

“Swift spots a photo tacked on the wall of a model in one of Gurung’s dresses. ‘I love Karlie Kloss,’ she says and touches the picture. ‘I want to bake cookies with her!’”

Teen Vogue - December 2012/January 2013 Issue

“Ultimate MTV Interview?

Taylor Swift. I was introduced to her at the Met Gala, and we joked about having a baking date!”

2013

New York Magazine - Taylor Swift Wants the Karlie Cut

“‘I met Taylor Swift last night and she said, 'Ohhh, I want to cut my hair. Karlie, if you see me in a few months with that haircut, know it's because of you.'’"

HollywoodLife on Youtube - Karlie Kloss on Taylor Swift

“Do you had a favorite part of the show?

One of my favorite part was actually Taylor. I’m a big Taylor Swift fan. I thought she was... I thought she rocked it, rocked the runway. She is the sweetest girl, so down to earth. I was really pleasantly surprised by how nice and normal she is.

We saw you guys dancing a little when you were on the runway together and that was such a little girl crush moment for us. Were you guys friends before? How did that come about?

No. We met at the show, we never met before but we’re BFFs now. No. We really are. We hung out since and she’s really nice. It’s nice to meet another American girl, sort of. We’re the same age and she’s so inspiring for, you know, she’s so talented but she’s true to who she is. She’s a cool girl and I’m glad she’s in the show this year, she rocked it.

Tell us how it’s like to hang out with her one on one because it just sounds like a dream date come true?

We both just normal. I guess, at the end of the day we’re normal girls.”

Hollywood Take - Karlie Kloss, Taylor Swift Best Friends After Victoria’s Secret Show! Supermodel Tells Us Why She’s Obsessed With Singer (EXCLUSIVE)

“Taylor had so much fun doing the show, and it was so much fun doing it with her. It’s really so unlike any other fashion show I’ve been a part of. It’s amazing.”

 “She is my new BFF. I’m obsessed with her. She’s really, really sweet, and I was so glad that she was a part of the show this year. She just brought such an energy.”

2014

Cosmopolitan on Youtube - Karlie Kloss Talks Taylor Swift

“I will tell you. She is the coolest girl, she is so sweet. That was really the first time I got the chance to meet her and -you know we’ve crossed paths a bunch of times- and you know at the show, it’s such a fun experience, and I really got the chance to get to know her. 

What did you talk about?

She’s a normal girl. She’s not that much older than me, she’s like two years older than me, but I mean normal girl stuff you know. I don’t know. Boys and dancing-

Award Shows

Of course, as one does. So, she’s a really nice girl that I’ve gotten to know, so yes. 

What did Taylor Swift say to you that no one knows that she said to you?

What did Taylor say to me? I don't know. 

Was she ever like: oh my God, do you see that girl’s shows?

She is perfect and nice and never says anything mean.” [...]

People Style - Taylor Swift on Her Cat's Attempt to Destroy Her Met Gala Dress: It Was Like a Crocodile Attacking an Antelope on National Geographic

“I got ready with Karlie. We were both wearing Oscar de la Renta, and we kind of shared a hair girl and got ready in a hotel room. It was so much fun getting ready with one of your best friends.”

US Weekly - Karlie Kloss Says Best Friend Taylor Swift Has "No Time for Guys!"

"She's true to who she is. She's such a special girl. I feel really lucky that we connected and our paths crossed. She's just a special girl."

Rolling Stone - The Reinvention of Taylor Swift

“Swift leads the way into one of her four guest bedrooms. ‘This is where Karlie usually stays,’ she says – meaning supermodel Karlie Kloss, one of her new BFFs, whom she met nine months ago at the Victoria's Secret fashion show.”

TaylorSwiftVevo on Youtube - Taylor Swift - Shake It Off Outtakes Video #2 - The Ballerinas (Behind The Scenes Video)

“My friend, Karlie, when she walks the runway, you can tell she grew up doing ballet.” 

Vogue - We Called It: Karlie Kloss Named New Face of L’Oréal Paris

“No doubt. It appears that your cut influenced the celebrity crowd, too—including your friend Taylor Swift. Has she taught you any good beauty tips? 

She does a killer red lip. I’ll give that girl credit. She can whip a red lip on like nobody else, and it’s amazing. Even if we’re working out, she’ll have on this gorgeous red lip. She’s not human!”

“Do you push her at the gym, or does she push you? Who is more competitive?

We’re a good team because we kind of push each other just to get there, just to get to the door! It’s important to have a good friend that challenges you—even if it’s simply to get to the gym.”

“Who is better in the kitchen?

I love to bake, because I’ve always had a sweet tooth. My Gran—she taught me how to bake my whole life, but cooking was never something I ever took the time to learn. I would always rather have a cookie than make some complicated dinner! But Taylor is an expert.”

“What is Taylor**’**s signature dish?

I’m vegetarian, so I don’t eat meat, but she makes a mean Brussels sprouts and cauliflower side dish that is tasty, and grilled fish. She’s Chef Boyardee!”

BBC1 Live Lounge - Taylor Swift Talks (14:03)

“She’s very like nurturing and sweet.”

Access Hollywood - Taylor Swift Interview

"She puts everyone else’s needs or wants before her own and that is an incredible thing to have in a friend. She is so giving and so open and so warm."

Lucky Magazine on Youtube - Taylor Swift Behind the Scenes - LUCKY S1 EP12 (0:29)

“I bake with Karlie all the time.”

E!Online - Karlie Kloss, Behati Prinsloo & Doutzen Kroes Talk Taylor Swift, Adam Levine & More Ahead of Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

“Have you and Taylor Swift been chatting about the show in the past few weeks?

Yes! We say, what are you wearing? It's like going to prom! I also love the feel of preparing for the show.”

Glamour - Karlie Kloss on the One Piece of Makeup She'd Never Leave the House Without Wearing

"Is there anything you're looking forward to seeing Taylor perform?

I'm just excited to have her there more than anything else. It's always nice to have a really good friend here. And Taylor is so much fun! Last year we had so much fun on the runway but also just experiencing this special show together. It's a once-in-a-life-time opportunity if you're lucky, and I've done it four times, so it's amazing. It's really good.”

Daily Mail UK - Karlie Kloss: From the catwalk to the kitchen, supermodel Karlie Kloss is proving herself to be one clever kookie

“Taylor is such a great girl. She’s a good friend and she also loves to bake – so we do that together sometimes. I think the key to me being able to not just survive but to actually thrive in this industry is having my friends.”

Grazia - Victoria's Secret Angel Karlie Kloss On 'Honorary Angel' BFF Taylor Swift

"Taylor Swift is performing for the second consecutive year - what's it like being friends with her?

Taylor is an amazing friend. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime to walk on that stage so to be able to do it with your best friend is pretty spectacular. I'm very lucky. She should be an Angel herself. I mean she practically is. She looks pretty heavenly out there. I'd sat she’s an honorary Angel.”

Yahoo - Karlie Kloss: Harvard, Hair Styles, Taylor Swift, and cookies

“Who does the dishes?

She does.”

People Magazine - Karlie Kloss at the PMAs “What is it like being one of Taylor Swift’s besties?

I’m a lucky girl, she’s a good friend.”

2015

Daily Mail UK - Karlie Kloss: From the catwalk to the kitchen, supermodel Karlie Kloss is proving herself to be one clever kookie

“‘Taylor is such a great girl,’ she says. ‘She’s a good friend and she also loves to bake – so we do that together sometimes. I think the key to me being able to not just survive but to actually thrive in this industry is having my friends.’”

Good Morning America - Karlie Kloss talks Vogue cover & her Taylor Swift friendship

“Taylor and I are very close. We have very different jobs in very different industries, but also are 20-something year old women working very hard and very focused to pursue our dreams and our goals and I think we are both very supportive of one another and I think that kind of friendship, whether it’s sister or friend, that kind of friendship is really powerful and it’s been a huge part of my success.”

CBS News - Karlie Kloss: Cracking the fashion industry code

“Is Taylor Swift really your bff?

“She is. She’s incredible.”

“I think we both really admire one another for how hard we work.”

Access Hollywood - Interview with Taylor Swift

“I think that is one of the best things about Karlie- She puts everyone else’s needs or wants before her own. You know that is an incredible thing to have in a friend. She is so giving, and so open, and so warm and I think I’m really drawn to people who are all of those things.”

Glamour UK - The 10 women who changed my life

“Karlie is pure sunshine, and anyone who has met her would tell you that. She thinks of everyone else before she thinks of herself. She tries to make everyone around her better and stronger. She buys random presents and stops by (just to say hi and give you a hug). She has a million things to juggle and I’ve never seen anyone do it so gracefully, all the while putting herself last on her list of concerns.”

Glamour Paris - Interview: Karlie Kloss répond à vos questions (Karlie Kloss Answers Your Questions)

“Quel est la meilleur chose lorsque’on est amie avec Taylor Swift (What is the best thing when we are friends with Taylor Swift?)

‘Taylor is an incredible friend. She’s fiercely loyal and she’s an amazing chef as well, so that’s probably the best part.’”

E!Online - Karlie Kloss Talks Sharing Clothes With Taylor Swift, Having Jennifer Lawrence Hair Envy

“You and BFF Taylor Swift have famously shared a runway (Victoria's Secret) and a major magazine cover (Vogue)—do you also share wardrobes? 

Who doesn't share with her friends? That's what friends are for!”

Vogue UK - The Vogue Interview: Taylor Swift

"Taylor's an incredible and special friend of mine. She's humble, caring and thoughtful, and she has a huge heart.”

Gossip Hot List on Youtube - Koding with Karlie Kloss at the Flatiron School

“Are you going to try to get your friends involved because I was at the Taylor Swift concert and you were there on Friday? 

It was a good concert, right? She was good. It was the first one that I - I had never really seen her - but I thought it was really good. I was like ‘You’re good at your job. Alright.’”

Glamour - Karlie Kloss September 2015 Glamour Cover Interview

“And here we go! Taylor and I met at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show two years ago. Lily Aldridge introduced us. She was like, "OK, you two are kindred spirits. How have my two nice American friends never met?" And that was it.”

Joe Fresh - Meet The Fall Faces of Joe Fresh

“Last question: what music are you listening to right now?

I really like Bruno Mars, Beyoncé, and The Black Keys. I even like Taylor!”

2016

Elle UK - Interview With Supermodel Karlie Kloss

“Taylor is someone I call if I want to have a fun night out as much as a cosy night in watching movies. We’ve had a lot of fun and adventures, both being glamorous and being normal twentysomethings.”

2017

Love Magazine - Karlie Kloss / Model

“Yes, I’m a big fan of Tay Tay, but I love her for who she is and what a wonderful friend she is. So I’m a fan, and a friend.”

[iamnotaprepper]

Emergency food supplies!

This is a topic people ask me about all the time, and I really don’t know much about it and our own supplies are… a work in progress.  I’m going to outline the main categories of food supplies as I see them, and I welcome any comments or ideas.

Remember, these supplies are going to be for hunkering down.  You should have food (or allegedly edible food substitute) in your 3-day go-kit. If the situation is that you can stay in your house (or camping on your property) I’d recommend not using that food right away, in case the situation changes and you need to evacuate.  I like to think of my go-kit as a totally separate set of supplies that I could use if I need to, but hopefully will only tap into for a real grab-and-go situation.

In the hundreds of conversations I’ve had on emergency preparedness, there seem to be two main schools of thoughts for those who are prepared.

1)      I want to be as comfortable as possible after an earthquake and therefore will plan my supplies accordingly.  [These people have their favorite foods in their emergency supplies.]

2)      I’ll be so grateful to be alive, I won’t care if I’m uncomfortable as long as I have something, anything to eat.  [These people have some combination of astronaut food and their least favorite canned vegetables from the back of the pantry.]

Neither of these viewpoints is right or wrong.  I certainly know which house I’d like to be in after a disaster, but I’m also very aware that the other is way easier to plan for. Personally, I’m starting with 2 and trying to work my way to 1- with all categories of emergency planning- but it’s a long process.  That’s okay. Having something prepared is always better than nothing.  

How much food should you have?  This is a really loaded question with a lot of answers.  I’d go back to the water post for the full explanation.  Make sure you have a minimum of 3 days for each member of the family.  More is better.  In our house, we’re shooting for somewhere between two weeks and one month, with enough water for a similar amount of time.

 In my mind, there are three types of planning for emergency food supplies.  

1)      Food you already have in your home

2)      Prepackaged emergency foods

3)      Regular foods you’re able to prepare, and have stored with your other supplies

Each has their +/-, and each has different requirements in terms of replacement schedule, fuel, and water. Come with me, and allow me to display my ignorance about cooking food…

 Food you already have in your home

Pros: foods you actually like to eat (that’s why you have them in your house); doesn’t require any additional supplies; everybody loves a block party bbq.

Cons: May not actually exist; regular cooking methods probably won’t be available; may take some creativity to cook up what you’ve got.

 DO NOT CONSIDER THIS TO BE SUFFICIENT FOR YOUR EMERGENCY SUPPLIES.  It’s likely to be your most delicious option after an earthquake- if you can get to it.  If your house has collapsed, or if it takes you days to get back to your home, you’re unlikely to be able to raid the fridge or the freezer.  We’ve got a chest freezer full of meat and homemade goodies like pasta sauce and jams and syrups.  That freezer is in our basement, so accessing that food is a serious best-case scenario.  I hope we’ll have it but I’m not counting on it when it comes to making sure we’ve got enough food to survive a few weeks.

Even if the power’s out, your fridge and freezer will keep food cold for some time.  The USDA says the fridge should be cold for 4 hours and a full freezer for 48 hours, if the doors are kept closed.  If you get back inside your house and the fridge is on its side with the door open, proceed with caution.  Keep the doors of the fridge and freezer closed as much as possible, and use your foods strategically:

1)      Eat through the fridge first, prioritizing things that will spoil fastest

2)      The freezer should be the second priority since things there will take longer to spoil than the fridge

3)      Canned goods and other non-perishables can be moved into the rest of your emergency supplies

4)      If you have more than you can eat before it spoils, it’s community building time.  Go check on your neighbors and share that quart of milk.

How long is food good for if it’s not refrigerated?  Obviously there’s no one answer to that.  Trust me, throw out the chèvre, but the cheddar will be good for ages. I’m not a food expert, so I’m going to recommend this helpful chart from the government (you could print it out and stick it inside your fridge, since we do have power outages from time to time). Even without monitoring with a thermometer, it should provide some good guidelines.  As always, if in doubt, throw it out.  If it’s fuzzy and it doesn’t bark or meow, throw it out.  You get the idea.

Remember that even if you can get into your house (either to gather supplies or to stay), we’re going to be a long time without electricity, gas, and running water.  That means you’re probably not going to cook things on your stovetop, oven, or microwave.  You’re going to need alternative methods of cooking your food.

The BBQ/grill is a good option that lots of people already have on hand.  We’ve got a charcoal grill and we try to keep an extra bag of fuel for it. If you’re a gas grilling family (seriously what’s the point you could just cook it inside for the same flavor but whatever), you should think about keeping extra tanks around so you could use it as your primary cooking tool.  If you’re super fancy and have your gas grill hooked up to your gas line, make sure you know how to disconnect it and have full tanks on hand- the gas lines are going to be turned off in favor of not blowing up the neighborhood.

One of the great things about emergency planning in Portland is how many people already have camping gear.  Your camp stove and pans probably won’t be optimal to cook the rack of lamb sitting in your freezer, but lots of things in your house can be made edible by heating up or with boiling water.  You’ll also need this ability for the rest of the food discussed in this post (except the MREs).  The amount of fuel you’re going to need will depend on the kind of stove you have. Err on the side of caution.

Some people have a fire pit in their backyard and lots of wood.  That’s rad, but outside of hotdogs and marshmallows I know nothing about cooking over fire so you decide how useful that is for you.

If you’ve got a freezer full of HotPockets, I have no idea how you’re going to cook those.  Most pre-made food is safe to eat without cooking (but disgusting).  Also, if all you have in your freezer is HotPockets and you’re not in college, it might be time to reevaluate some of your life choices.

 Prepackaged Emergency Foods

Pros: Very easy to know how much you need; don’t require much other than hot water to prepare; most good for 20 – 25 years

Cons: Can be the most expensive option; foods are often high in salt/sugar/preservatives; I’m not sure I’m interested in 30 servings of “Vegetarian chicken-flavored vegetable stew” but it sure beats starving to death.

 Pre-packaged emergency foods are going to be far and away the easiest way to make sure you’ve got enough food post-disaster.  Most are good for 20-25 years and don’t require in the way of preparation.  Here are the most common ones I’ve come across.

The Bucket. Several people have told me they’ve bought the “Costco Bucket”, which seems to be along the lines of this or this (definitely watch the video- a jazzy little number that made me feel pretty cheerful about impending doom and optimistic about the power of garnish to give rehydrated food 3 Michelin stars).  Lots of websites and companies sell them, so don’t despair if you’re without a Costco Card.  The “bucket” is generally a one-month supply of food for one person. I’ve never taste-tested any of the brands (and they are legion) but I imagine they’re all pretty similar.  They all require water, some are eat-from-the-pouch and some require cooking utensils, so make sure you know what you’ll need.

MRE.  Meal, Ready-to-Eat (MRE) is a popular option, since you have a lot more selection and can do more mix-and-match for your own personal preference than with the bucket. Lots of MREs come with heating elements, so they don’t require a camp stove and additional water.  They are extremely calorie dense (probably a pro after a disaster.  It’s not going to be the time to worry about your diet).  No water is required (except for drinking, most are pretty salty) and they’re designed to be eaten straight from the package. They’re pricier than other options, but also have more selection for those with dietary restrictions.  Contrary to Ted Cruz’s best efforts, gluten-free MREs do exist.

Freeze-Dried Food.  These are pretty common for camping so most people are at least passingly familiar with them.  All require water.  There are a lot of options for flavors, dietary restrictions, cook-in-pouch, etc. Like the MREs, it can get pricey to think about a few weeks of these for each member of the family.  I don’t have an opinion on this, but lots of websites say that the freeze-dried food tastes much better than MREs (I think part of this might just be about being able to get something similar to your favorite foods in freeze-dried form, or how good anything tastes after backpacking all day).

 Stockpiling Normal Food

Pros: Cost effective; pack your favorite foods in their actual form (rather than reconstituted); easier to get quality nutrition

Cons: Shorter shelf life; harder to plan for; takes up more space

For me, this option is more difficult for planning purposes.  I can calculate 1 gallon of water per person per day, but what 14 days worth of food for two people looks like is beyond me.  How many cans of tuna is that?  Also, I don’t know how to cook anything even when I’m in my own well stocked kitchen.  If Justin dies in the earthquake, anyone who is willing to cook for me can come over and eat his share (sorry Justin).

On the plus side, you don’t have to do any special shopping trips or visit any weird survivalist websites for this kind of prep.  Most people I know who have good food supplies of this sort just buy an extra can or two of whatever each time they’re at the grocery store.  It doesn’t take long to get a good stockpile, especially if you’ve got some prepackaged emergency foods you’re going to be supplementing with this real food.  Some people think of it in terms of meals (we’ll eat X and Y together and we’ve got comparable amounts of each) and some people are just going to get creative with the mix of stuff they’ve got (peanut butter and dried apricots could be the next big thing, who knows).

Obviously lots of your favorite foods are not going to be suitable for your supplies- it’s limited to non-perishables.  I prefer frozen vegetables to canned (and hopefully I’ll be eating them from the freezer for a few days, see above) but canned is better than scurvy. Unfortunately, even “non-perishables” have shelf lives that are shorter than I thought before I started researching this article.  Here are some good websites with food suggestions:

This is a good chart for how long different types of food will last, from the CDC

As always, Ready.gov has decent, if basic, information

Nothing from the magazine RealSimple is ever actually simple, but this is a good list

 I don’t intend to get too hung up on expiration dates for the food, but we will try to go through our kit twice a year (that sounds doable, right?).  Here’s what a chunk of my Google calendar looks like for October:

[Look at all that free time! Let’s make plans to hang out.]

I’m also trying to remember to write on items when they were purchased to simplify the process when we do sort the kit.  This system is a serious work-in-progress.  Am I worried about forgetting to sort through the kit and eating those black beans in 2 years?  Not really. Most food of this sort will be edible, if not palatable, long past its expiration date.  An obvious exception is any container that’s swollen and looks abnormal (cans or bags of food), since that’s a clear sign of Bad News.  The USDA has a pretty good practical guide on this.  In general, having food is a necessity; sorting through it on a regular basis is more of an aspiration than a reality for me.  Like everyone else, I’m just doing my best here.

Should you home-can your own vegetables and such?  That’s awesome but not for me.  Remember that glass breaks in earthquakes and pack your supplies accordingly.

Don’t forget the can opener.  You’ve got one or two in your house, but just make sure there’s one that lives with your emergency supplies.  It’ll make life simpler, and if you’re the only one on your block who remembered, you’ll be a goddamn hero.

Where are you going to store your supplies?  Exactly what I said in the post about water:

1)      Don’t store your supplies in the basement.

2)      Don’t store your supplies in a room that’s over the basement.

3)      Outside lockable storage (like a shed) is the best option.  That’s not possible for a lot of people (myself included).

4)      If you’ve a room (or garage) that’s not over the basement and not under a second story, that could be your best option.  Even if your house collapses you’re likely to be able to dig out your supplies.

 What are you going to store your food in?  If you’ve got anything other than cans, try for something waterproof that will keep out rats and other foragers.  We bought a chest from Storables (also a PNW company if you’re looking to buy local).  Having it all in one container will also be helpful if we’re in an evacuation situation where we can take supplies (basically, if we’re able to use our car).

 One last thought: There is no better facilitator for building community than food.  Talk to your neighbors.  See what they have.  See what they like.  Maybe you’ve got a food bucket but they’ve got that fire pit.  If the power’s out for days, we’re not going to be able to eat all those burgers before they go bad.  There may never be a better time for a block party potluck than after a disaster!  It could be fun!  It’ll be more fun if you know your neighbors before the disaster so go introduce yourself.

 And, finally, here’s a handy table I made to summarize the information from this website:

[braindamageforbeginners]

Intermezzo: Free Solo Review

Pre-Cycle 11

So, first of all, for anyone wondering, I did get the go ahead from the warlocks on Tuesday to continue with treatment through Cycle 12 (assuming my blood tests come back okay), which is great news. And I’d normally write about that and how awesome it is (Hooray! More chemo!), but it’s been such a long, weird, event-filled week even by my standards (my car got hit by lightning)(that’s a dramatic exaggeration, but, like everything else in my life, far less of one than I’d like), that instead, I thought I’d review the fantastic (and - for me - utterly terrifying) film “Free Solo.” Also, that’ll enable me to put off trying to figure out my upcoming chemo schedule, which is somewhat less-predictable than others (I’d have to come in on Christmas Eve or Christmas according to my current estimate, which seems a little ghoulish even for me).

A bit of background. Even though I like rock climbers and have many friends and family in that group, and even though I have nothing but love for them, their utterly terrifying sport isn’t for me (and thanks to them for putting up with me long enough for me to figure that one out). Full confession; I’m not only psychologically unfit for it, I’m physically not a good candidate. Even putting my neurological issues aside (unreliable left leg, vertigo)(those are the lasting impacts of neurosurgery #3 and #2, respectively), I’m terrified of heights. And with good reason - I’m about 182 cm tall and 100 kg; if I fall, it’s a much bigger problem than if someone smaller/closer to the ground and lighter does. And I’m about 85% torso, by height. So, why would I see a film about a sport that frightens me? Simply put, Alex Honnold, who is possibly the world’s premier greatest living rock climber.

Many, many, many years ago, someone pointed out to me that everyone’s heard of LeBron James, or Colin Kaepernick; fewer people have heard of Royal Robbins (or Kelly Slater, for that matter), largely because the latter two exist in a weird sub-culture of extreme sports that’s not as profitable or plugged in to pop culture as main-stream sports (I’ve only heard of Honnold because I’m a big fan of the Banff Film Festival). So, one of the world’s most niche-sports-figure getting a film - even if it’s not in wide release - is really cool. Again, it means society, as a whole, is opening up to non-traditional people, and sports, and stories. Which, as a now non-traditional person (again, traditionally, people like me die within two years of diagnosis, and that annoying new gimp/cripple physical aspect makes life a lot less accessible than I’d prefer), is cool, and, more importantly, as a storyteller, it means more, different, and better stories.

The story of “Free Solo” is pretty straight-forward. A man works his whole life to perfect his craft, and then, at the height of his talent, decides to gamble it on a potentially lethal career high-point. Wait, what? Most rock climbers - and certainly my sub-par, failed attempts - use various safety equipment and climb with buddies and do other things to minimize risk. The downside is both minimized risk, and, from my limited understanding, some of these safety devices permanently “hurt” (or pierce, anyway) the rock. “Free solo” climbing eschews such devices, or, indeed, a sense of self-preservation. Says the guy who’s letting science use him as a lab rat for a poisonous substance. Again, when you’re desperate, you make odd choices. However, like me, A. Honnold points out that most free-solo rock climbs are calculated risks (to paraphrase him, “The odds of me actually falling are low, but if that happens, the odds of something really, really bad happening are high.”). Which brings us to El Capitain, the Everest of the climbing world. As I may have mentioned previously, this is the Holy Grail of climbing. If you ever go to Yosemite Valley in Yosemite National Park (and I recommend you do this before you die), you will not be able to miss El Cap. If you’re like me, you might even have to go lie down for a few minutes just looking at up at it (it’s terrifying even from ground level). Even though it’s been climbed by blind, deaf, and physically disabled people (it’s a long story; there’s an old Yosemite joke that El Cap is handicap-accessible), it has never been climbed (clumb? someone help me with these conjugations) without safety devices. Enter Mr. Honnold, stage right, and the codependent National Geographic film crew. To make a long story short, he climbs the mountain and survives, with the support of both the film-makers and his long-suffering girlfriend. Hooray.

The reason this film is worth seeing - and why I’m reviewing it - is that, for all that, it’s a very weird film (it’s a really good film, but it’s weird). First of all, the camera and framing devices need a little description. In every scene or shot of El Cap, it not only dominates everything around it, but they use some cool VFX devices at various points to show Yosemite valley shifting and swinging around El Cap. Which made me grip my seat rests, but also gave an interesting insight into how Yosemite is absolutely dominated by these staggeringly massive walls on all sides. Secondly, this is - as far as I know - the only character study of A. Honnold on file in video form. Even though he’s been prominently featured in the Banff Film Festival and other places, they don’t give a real sense of who he is - he’s just a sort of stand-in rock climber fantasy figure; a James Bond of the rock climbing world - in all the other films I’ve seen, he goes somewhere and climbs something impressive; there’s not a whole lot revealed except he likes to climb. And he’s pretty much fearless - according to a little background research (yes, I do read about my subjects before tackling them), Honnold isn’t known for being the most technically-proficient or skilled climber, but he is known for taking on risks and challenges that no one else in the climbing world does.  Qui audet adipiscitur and all that. This film delves a little more into that, actually following him into an fMRI (one of those specialized MRIs that shows which parts of the brain “light up” during various tasks and images. The science-person in me would point out that this test is so overly sensitive, it should be taken with a grain of salt (my favorite research poster of all time was one that used fMRI analysis to show which images a dead salmon prefers)(you read that correctly). However, in this case, it showed that Honnold’s fear threshold/tolerance was much, much higher than usual. The film also looks at what that looks like in a relationship, as they also follow Honnold’s girlfriend, Sanni McCandless, for some of it. In retrospect, she’s probably the real hero of the film, because she fully supports him in his near-suicidal ambitions. There’s also the weird aspect about how the world’s most recklessly brave climber gets... stage fright. The film actually documents this very well, about how Honnold doesn’t seem up to the task when everyone’s around, watching him; and it takes a series of hidden cameras and a tactical retreat by McCandless to force him up the wall. As someone who has, ah, “performance issues” when it comes to urine samples (I’d imagine that after a year of those, it wouldn’t be a big issue, like the IVs and neuralgia bother me less, but we all have our idiosyncrasies - I intend to ask the chemo ward to quietly move to a different floor next time), I weirdly get it. And I also sort of weirdly get how, in an extreme situation, sometimes the riskier, more outrageous path is also the safer one. Having said that, I still have to give the man props for a following through on a near-psychotic ambition and seeing it through.

ANYWAY… WEIGHT: 96 kilos CONCENTRATION: Not bad, but I’m also exhausted from a week of travel and holidays. Which reminds me, if I make it out of this alive, I intend to start hibernating from Nov.15-Dec, 25, which should make this sort of holiday seasonal travel a little easier. APPETITE: Good. I’m even starting to appreciate “fun” things, like non-vegetable or protein-based foodstuffs. I imagine that’ll definitely decrease as I get back into the grind and find my willpower renewed with... well, the same willpower that allows me to swallow pills that come in “biohazard” bags. ACTIVITY LEVEL: Good, but I’m still exhausted. SLEEP QUALITY: Okay. COORDINATION/DEXTERITY: Excellent; I even went to the gym yesterday without braces. MEMORY: Not bad, I still have trouble forgetting to complete long or multi-step tasks, but that’s hardly new.. PHYSICAL: Overall, not too bad. At the moment, I’m mostly tired, sore, a little cold, and hungry, which - if you haven’t had peripheral nerve damage or chemo-induced panic-attacks, might seem bad, but to have normal, every day physical complaints instead of my usual, hyper-bizarre ones... well, it’s deeply comforting, in an odd, slightly-masochistic way. EMOTIONAL: Good. I realize I just got a clean scan on Monday - I had to wait until Tuesday to review the findings, though - and after 24 hours of that sort of frenzied anxiety, the volume on standard emotional issues gets muted. SIDE EFFECTS: Tired. So tired. Which reminds me, based on my records, I’m pretty sure my limp’s tied into exhaustion/fatigue issues. Which gives me hope that, after the next two cycles (and possibly a six-month nap to catch up on my sleep) I might get something like consistent progress fixing that complaint.  CURRENTLY READING (For Donna): “A Monster Calls.” 

[nakey-fakey-blog]

Unturned Cheat Codes

We do not pin the blame on you when you have tuned out. Loot in Unturned Cheat Commands will be a lot easier to choose, and yes it was only short minutes into my firstly daily life that i recognized a gun. Teaming a record of mates to fight the hordes and work out bases irrefutably raises the past experiences, whereas on-line online hackers have, predictably, centered most web servers. |If just enough guys and women take the cash for golden enhancement, presume many more elaborate additional features for being added in. 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[he’s] a huge creativity around my past experiences since he foretells the city, and is particularly not reluctant to test out something which strays a bit out of the straightforward direction that Unturned Cheat Commands may perhaps acquire.in . sexton concurs the “every time i published an modernize making use of a opinion page i review them and the i see every one of these guys and women mentioning ‘hey he added in my notion!’ in my opinion it is not very likely that it is their unique submit i viewed, but regardless of whether it uses a couple of time previously it will get hanging all over guys and women like with the knowledge that the game is moving an excellent path.” christopher held undoubtedly among people today times. This really is just enough for sexton “for me the primary point to consider i like about Unturned Cheat Commands is noticing the remarks, and therefore i accept the explanation for that's how it's very easy to become involved in.in . at this time sexton not participating in university, but states in the usa he’ll explore signing up if he will start experiencing hardships in equipment trainer design he want to know by themselves. Level consequently readily available minecraft to microsoft for $2.5 billion, despite the fact that Unturned Cheat Commands hasn’t found a whole lot cla of social ubiquity, it is even now been acquired around 24 mil occasions on steam with a lot of advertising and monetization preferences left behind untouched. |“i adoration looking in the community-prepared maps to discover them performing a few points i not ever even thought of as. When means to get non-metacafe movie stars taking part your equipment trainer for publicity, then so whether it be. And sexton, its singular manufacturer, is just 18. “i take into account my chemistry professor blossomed and claimed, ‘hey, you've prepared Unturned Cheat Commands! Truly among my high school students was speaking about this. Truly among Unturned Cheat Commands’s charms would be the fact it is so as you can imagine personalised. It’s generally absolutely free, meaning mates can inevitably have fun playing as a group, drastically I did not at any time before quite explore providing it.” essentially, his confidence am robust that even dean hall couldn’t alteration his psyche to promote it for $5. “it was rare taking advantage of its environment plus the challenging facets of growing together with other golfers. “it was like newcomer stairways into unity, and the i just now supposed i quite possibly could construct a clone of deadzone in unity, on the other hand i had no idea of an elements i was performing. It occurs me as extremely striking for an individual so unskilled making use of a challenging generator to posses mutual the game so first, when you are common public looks a crucial part of equipment trainer-putting together his generating. |Unquestionably, through the entire web presentation, i clicked among the list of incorrect keys and my demonstration wound up no longer running, to be sure that was horrifying.” up until the time a few days previously, Unturned Cheat Commands has was pleased with daily up-dates, ongoing the practice sexton collection out of the firstly put out. Maintaining your equipment trainer fresh appears to be his psyche: looking lengthy-label, sexton like to acquire Unturned Cheat Commands to some extent wherever golfers will certainly make most things, despite the fact that its workshop had been the spot to seek out most new cars and trucks, firearms, apparel and maps. “when these premiums are published, everyone’s psyched seeing as it is, ‘wow, we may easily recreate items inside going for walks departed television shows exhibit!’ and, ’it’ll function as the ultimate big starting point-constructing equipment trainer!’ they end up being done by a number of varying guys and women, and they also aren’t usually sensible for them all.” he’s observed the exact same in Unturned Cheat Commands. Great You consider thriving warm fresh fruits in the frigid wasteland (jk, jk, canada is not freezing). The entertainment is really within the multi-participant, on the other hand. The spotless, fairly simple graphic and equipment trainer construction selections remove the various detritus and enables you to without a doubt obtain your private idealized mode of the surv-ombie style of music. It’s even now a lot of fun. |Even growing absent with your daily life means that you might have been afflicted to some extent, despite the fact that curing without help can be done with vaccines or medicines, these types of machines are only able to be located within locations zombies desire to lurch. It’s do the trick it Pursuing the starting point, i've recognized the suburbs full of constructions and crawling with zombies. Combining purification pills and expired milk provides me that has a drinkable refreshment. The producing world seems to be similar to i have finished one thing unforgivable using a baseball catcher’s convention. Unturned Cheat Commands has reached style 5..7 (updated over the summer tenth) right after i played it. Can see a online video media, is really a increidible adorable equipment trainer in my opinion it is skill model is much like nidhogg Learning it more, it appears like i was wrongly recognized. |“bah, it is moving on two enormous fads - surviving search crafting whatnots, and blocky premiums.” although the equipment trainer is honestly a lot of fun! I believe i'd more pleasant by utilizing it than dayz. I discovered it on steam and figured i’d give a whirl mainly because was free of cost. In no way reduce lighthouse purchaser, or allow me to explain to obama. That’s what decided to go down at the moment when craig transmitted to text of Unturned Cheat Commands, a game title label in whose realization looks around expected: it is an previously get access to free of cost-to-have fun playing multi-participant surviving equipment trainer making use of a blocky artstyle for you to trim cheaper foliage and prevent the undead. Every very useful comments on steam are good, on the other hand. You won't handle drastically surface alone, decline the whole thing on passing away, plus the zombie horde that toned you away will in most cases not despawn substance between the two both you and your loot is undoubtedly an army of crawling and going for walks undead that scent your bloodstream like some twisted humanoid class of land sharks that could just. When you explore their steam site, you can find a overview of an elements the environment appears to be to design stages. cliched just like all the present “(mmo) surviving games” it demands serious surviving with tracking, get together and foraging, crafting, melee and ranged counteract. minecraft? Cartoons, or prevents, or radiant colorings, or regardless of what you’ve picked out to partner with children…. It peaks at higher than 38,000 golfers, and possesses the average concurrent calculate of 28,000. |However it uses a wonderful category of free of cost equipment trainer keeping a substantial target audience. For sure, youngsters should have with any tat, as both of them charge card table pipes indoors bathroom rolls and Unturned Cheat Commands prove to be. We do not pin the blame on everyone for planning overwatch almonds. I suppose it actually is purely amusing to decide another person being blizzard and thriving in internet promotion. Hi there, stop! Profit! Of course, a exposed working person isn't any match up with for virtually any 120 period aged by getting an It had been at something like this point all over that i recognized an amazing concept. I am not i really could at any time before urge it, although the wondering problem of Unturned Cheat Commands is not the sort of suspense, at the end. People don't care about this sort of thievery. Frustrated by the game? Visit the workshop wherever there's a metric fuckton of mods that could include web publication. |Lots more obstacles than merely zombies a distinctive part of the equipment trainer is radiation meter after some time by and also you remain subjecting you, the quantity throughout the radiation meter increases, and you'll consequently die. There are various regions to grasp a lot more about: you will discover military services bases, airport terminals, training courses, campgrounds and plenty of other towns. Unturned Cheat Commands is really a son of dayz minecraft. constable up-dates, plenty of golfers and plenty of mates which you can make. -it's more effectively improved upon -workshop reinforce -more effectively graphic -tradition maps -many more zombies -many more droplets -more effectively crafting (it now explains skill level with what you might have plus process you may need) -steady up-dates making use of a lower amount of mb preferred -more effectively backpack -different alternatives to generate your character expensive negative aspects of three. I believed that Unturned Cheat Commands would Feb 2016 i decided to take part in the game, any time useful to can i could not stop taking part. The multi-participant is just not much better, as being the mates continually burn off internet connection. |of dayz employing the skill category of roblox to produce a rare past experiences. Commencing and not using a penny, golfers investigation towns, farms, and islands to discover sources previously they starve to passing away or will become not properly hydrated. To live longer than, its better to make mates or offer some along. Convenient, i’ll just sneak up and proceed to acquire materials i want. The sound is much like two dimensional arcade premiums the exact same rewarding impact clip represents because you get in contact and enables you to appear to be your tool is penetrating. Adventure isn't just obtained from hurting zombies. Once you have the required materials obtained, the ui features whatever you could and can't make or what different materials are crucial to end an art. So be suspicious of everyone making use of a gun out. I spawned within the corresponding position as being the secondary participant. |If potentially i'd stored it for the mustache participant who gunned me cheaper previously. the need to pay the 5 money doesn't match a compensation-to-be successful process, as the strengths are isolated.

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Batman: Arkham City 3D Review

3D saves a PC game plagued with bugs and a missing DX11.

Chances are you know who Batman is. If not, he’s this dude who wears tights and likes to swing around tall buildings. Not to be confused with Spiderman, who also wears tights and likes to swing around tall buildings. Chances are you have also played Batman: Arkham Asylum and know the score. If not, Batman Arkham Asylum is a third-person action-adventure game based on that Batman guy. Batman: Arkham Asylum was developed by Rocksteady Studios and was released in 2009. It was a good year to be a Bat, and the game was met with rave reviews and its fair share of awards.

Batman: Arkham City is the sequel to the successful Arkham Asylum. Arkham City is a maximum security prison for the nastiest criminals that Gotham City has to offer. As chance would have it, Bruce Wayne gets his ass tossed into Arkham City for opposing the new prison’s existence, and is forced to go all “Escape from New York”. Within moments, Bruce manages to score his crime-fighting equipment and become his alter ego, Batman. We all watch TV, anything can be got in prison if you know the right people. I don’t want to get all nuts with spoilers, so let’s sum up the story by saying that Catwoman drops in, Batman runs into an old flame, fails to get laid, Robin makes a brief appearance and Alfred is only a radio signal away. On “team naughty”, Batman bumps into a load of our favorite baddies, including Harley Quinn (damn, she’s annoying), Two-Face, Mr. Freeze (possibly the toughest boss fight of the game), The Joker, Penguin, Hugo Strange, Poison Ivy, Clayface and plenty more crazies.

Batman: Arkham City is a single-player game with the main storyline which sees Batman seeking a cure to a disease which could wipe out a superhero or two. In addition to the main story, you will regularly unlock side missions, which can either be completed right away or put aside for later. The side missions are just as good as those that are included in the main story, which makes for a lot of awesome added gameplay. In addition to the side missions, you’ve got the Riddler to contend with. Cataloging and collecting Riddler’s trophies is an addictive game within the game. Then there are the challenge maps, which make for some excellent mindless melee fun. Challenge maps are unlocked as you play through the game, and more are available in DLCs. There are three funky flavors to hone your Bat-skills with, including ranked leaderboard combat, timed campaigns, and custom rules.

Technical

In Arkham City, there is always a superhero around when people need one, in real life, there certainly was no superhero around to help me gain access to the game. First, you enter your key on Steam, then you enter your key for SecuRom (if you’re lucky it accepts it the first time; I was not lucky), then you have to tie it all together with Games for Windows Live. GFWL was the primary bottleneck. I spent an hour trying to log in to GFWL as it gave me some song and dance about needing to update. Like really, what’s the point of this kind of layering? The games are going to get pirated all the same, and according to many, the reason the PC version of Arkham City was delayed was so that they could maximize sales from the console versions first.

When Batman: Arkham City has released just over two weeks ago, PC gamers were disappointed to find out that DX 11 was buggered. Upon launch, Rocksteady immediately recommended DX 9, as reports of DX 11 performance issues began making the rounds. People wondered how something like this, a selling point like DX 11, could have made it through testing and out the door for launch. It took a couple of weeks, but a DX 11 patch was finally released. The outcome was not really worth the wait, and many are still plagued with low FPS and game-breaking bugs. I consider myself one of the lucky, as I only spent about four hours dealing with crashes and bugs that would not allow me to proceed further in the game.

Arkham City comes with a built-in benchmark tool, so using both that and Fraps I grabbed some quick stats to share. Right before publishing this review a patch was released for Batman: Arkham City, which in part addresses the DX 11 issues. Running Alienware M17x laptop /w NVIDIA GeForce GTX 580M and 6GB RAM / 3D Vision (not 3D Vision 2), at 1920 x 1080. Both DX 9 and DX 11 were run with all settings max, including detail level, tessellation, and PhysX.

The DX 11 patch seems to be hit and miss. For many people, it solved the issue of poor frames while running DX 11. For others, it buggered things up even more. For me, the patch DID improve FPS in DX 11, but oddly lowered frames with DX 9. Go figure.

On my system, the best settings for performance and aesthetics are DirectX 11 (very high) and PhysX set to “Normal”, this works out perfectly both with and without 3D Vision enabled.

Combat

Combat in Arkham City is ridiculous, while also being ridiculously fun. Here’s the ridiculous bit… there were very few times during the game that I needed any sort of strategy in order to win an encounter. A couple of bosses had an attack pattern that had to be learned in order to defeat them, but outside of that, you can literally finish the game by repeatedly hitting your left mouse button. In fact, I broke a mouse playing Arkham City. Yup, button-mashed it to death. While using special attacks makes combat more fun, it isn’t actually necessary. Now for the ridiculously fun part… combat is an absolute joy to watch, and even if you don’t have mad take-down skills, the simple act of punching, kicking and evading is wicked fun. That said, if you want to kick ass on the challenge maps then you’ll need a bit more than button-mashing. The challenge maps are slightly more skill-based and if you want to rank then you’ll have to use combos and special moves.

Sometimes I thought I preferred combat while playing as Catwoman because she’s mean, lean and fast as hell. But after a while, I’d sort of start missing the Bat. Both characters have their own missions, skills, and gadgets, but the character I really would have liked to play is Robin. While the Robin Bundle DLC will allow you to play the Boy Wonder, you will only be able to do so on challenge maps. I’d rather be able to play him inside missions like you can with Catwoman. Sadly, Robin’s appearance in the game was very brief, and although he was looking buff, tough and not at all like the Robin we all grew up with, Batman simply bitched him out and told him to piss off. So that was that.

NVIDIA 3D Vision

One of my first experiences with 3D was seeing Friday The 13th Part 3 in 3D. I walked five miles through the snow with no shoes to see it at the theater. It was crap, but exciting at the same time, and it was the best we had. For the next quarter century, I would associate 3D with eye strain and headaches. Whenever I post about 3D Vision on VE3D the post is met with comments like “I’m too old for 3D, I don’t need the eye strain” or “3D gives me headaches”. Exactly the things that I had always associated with it. Well, Toto, it looks like we’re not in Kansas anymore! This ain’t grandma’s 3D. I’ll admit that I’ve reached the age where reading glasses come in handy. I didn’t have much interest in 3D. Mostly I was afraid to try it because I thought my head would explode. I guess I had read into the old school hype a bit too much. But I survived 3D, and am loving every second of it. Eye of the tiger baby, an eye of the tiger. Plus I look cool in the glasses.

Since I just recently began gaming in 3D, my experiences are limited. What I have noticed so far is that 3D Vision adds an extra layer of realism to games. 3D games come alive, giving you a greater feeling of actually being there. In Batman: Arkham City this is especially true, particularly when grappling around the city and using gadgets. Even cut scenes are great in 3D. All of the villains in Arkham City look amazing and force you to keep watching, even if you don’t normally enjoy cut scenes. Graphics look sharper, and cleaner and flaws that you would see while out of 3D tend to get smoothed over. If I was to slap a number on Batman: Arkham City without 3D Vision, the game would land a 7/10 (70%). While Arkham City is a truly entertaining trip through the gutters of Gotham, the bugs and the graphic issues that the game shipped with are not acceptable. Waiting over two weeks for a half-assed patch is also not acceptable.

Because 3DV enhanced my Arkham City experience, Batman: Arkham City 3D is a 9/10 (90%), and worth its weight in guano.

What I Liked:

Gloom and doom atmosphere makes for some very immersive gameplay.

The story is actually interesting, you’ll want to watch the cutscenes.

Both Batman and Catwoman show wear and tear in their costumes as the game go on.

Catwoman side-missions, it was fun to take a break from Batman and spend some time crawling on ceilings.

Challenge maps are a good workout and a nice change of pace, actually requiring some combat skill.

Voice acting is great.

I can’t wait to get back in and collect more Riddler trophies.

Arkham City is totally engrossing, and the experience is even further enhanced when playing in 3D.

What I Didn’t Like:

A three-layer activation process.

No side-missions for Robin.

Getting stuck to my Batarang on a block of ice for two hours.

Spending another two hours trying to figure out why I couldn’t dive-bomb.

I would have loved to see Arkham City in the daylight.

A little too much traveling back and forth across the city.

Combat, while fun to watch, requires no skill.

Crashing during the closing cinematic.

Finishing the game before a DX 11 patch was released.

Trying to find a good tutorial on 3DV video rendering.