#i really really liked this chat so i hope y'all don't mind that im saving it here !!

[blood-teeth]

TMITAWH is 2 years old????!!!!

i cant believe i missed it that sounds so ridiculous to me! in my defense, i was driving for two weeks straight

i don't have anything planned for celebration; i'm so sorry! but i do have some updates!

for those that missed it, tmitawh is now a novel and will no longer be told in an interactive fiction format. this has upset a lot of people. i've lost a lot of followers over this announcement. and i can understand this to some extent, but largely i have to continue to be unapologetic about my choices.

this story is one that has, in every meaning of the phrase, saved my life. writing in this little world has gotten me through some of the darkest times and carried me through to the next day. at some point, IF stopped being a media that was capable of telling the story i wanted to tell.

i'm disheartened by a lot of the anons i've received. some are hateful and unkind. others are upset that they no longer will have the opportunity to pursue Cain or Ezio, and a few mention that they're not interested in reading a lesbian story and will not be reading the book if it ever makes it to publication. i've disregarded the first, but the second cuts the deepest i think.

i have never, ever been shy on this app that i'm a lesbian. i feel as though i've talked endlessly about it. being a lesbian is a huge facet of my identity and being told that, in so many words, a story written for myself, with other queer people in mind, is not for them seems like such a stupid thing to say. like, i didnt write it for you. i wrote it for me. i wrote it for the lesbians who love so violently that they have to hide it away under their clothes, in between their teeth. i wrote it for the lesbians who have been told their love is disgusting, or wrong, or sexy and for a male's pleasure only. i wrote it for the lesbians who are told their love is okay as long as they never show it- as long as they only hold hands at most but never kiss in public. i wrote it for the lesbian who sits in pews and breathes over their hands and wonders if God loves them still.

i'm not sorry to not have written a story catered for you when the whole world is for you. leave me out of your self-absorbed, hateful little orbit.

please know, this blog does not tolerate hatred, bigotry, or harassment in any shape or form. and if you're going to fuck around with me, you sure as hell are going to find out with me.

on a more positive note!

i want to thank you all who have been overwhelmingly positive and supportive of my endeavors!! it means the absolute world to me!! i sometimes hold myself at night and think of all the kind words y'all have sent over these past two years and just sob. never in my life before this could i have imagined sharing my work with people who give a shit and care. it warms me in ways i cannot begin to describe. i love you and i hope you are well as always. my inbox/dms are open ANYTIME if you just want to chat, catch up, rant to me, or tell me about your pet. actually, please tell me about your pet.

Some quick publishing updates:

I'm 20k words out of 90k into draft 2. and i think this is going to be the last draft before i query (?????) i'm really very happy with the muscles and bones of the manuscript. now it's just some meticulous line editing i have to work through.

after this, i'm off to the query trenches. (im scared) if anybody has gone through this process before and has any tips, i'd love to hear them!

here's a little excerpt:

"She grabs hard enough to make sure of her presence, not enough to bruise. Some sick part of the Traveler’s brain says, Yes. Please. More. Press deeper. Press harder. Bruise me. Hurt me. She delights in the heat that blossoms from where the Reverie digs her fingers into skin. Eyes earnest, stubborn disposition to her jaw as the thick muscle there flickers in an implication of anger. “I will find you,” she’s shaping her tongue into a dagger at the Traveler’s throat. “I will find you again, and that is a promise.” The Traveler gasps, tilting her head higher. She blinks and— The Reverie’s mouth is on hers, hot and aching, and the Traveler blinks— Want flavors the Traveler’s tongue, the Reverie’s hands pressed tightly against her collarbone, teeth at her jaw. She blinks and— Is this Before or After?"

i also, stupidly, have officially started a twitter that i want to start working with. i know twitter is dead, but it remains to be very useful for publishing. if you'd like to follow me, im there on @ morganhollow25. i dont know how to use it. im scared to use it. but if you have a twitter maybe follow me there too! i absolutely plan to be on tumblr primarily. i love it here and have grown a tiny home in these webs.

i'll have more updates coming soon regarding FTMTB and other works. thank you all again <3

[rigelicn-blog]

just a transcript of a discord chat for future reference under the cut lmao

nvp-Yesterday at 10:39 PM

ok real talk before they like threw in the brand and everything i kinda believed alm could 100% follow rudolf's plans about how to save valentia?? i mean it could still be the same way i'd have to wonder tho would rinea and celica also swap or nah?

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:39 PM

my rudolf muse : rubs grubby little hands together

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:40 PM

Good question they very well could swap thinking about it, I wasn't thinking of them just Alm and Berkut. What do you think N which ones better?

nvp-Yesterday at 10:41 PM

i kinda like the idea of rinea and celica stay in their same positions?? it's interesting to explore the dynamics of how alm would interact with rinea and how berkut would interact with celica

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:41 PM

tru

nvp-Yesterday at 10:42 PM

tho i do think the most interesting au i had heard was where all four of them swapped roles?? like it was rigelian princess celica, fiancee alm, deliverance leader rinea, and zofian prince berkut

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:42 PM

oooooooo

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:43 PM

Omg that does sound like a cool AU swap I like both those ideas mainly the latter.

nvp-Yesterday at 10:43 PM

YE tho it's kinda hard to organize unless you can find all four roles

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:43 PM

regardless berkut will still get treated like garbage by rudolf

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:43 PM

He can't win in any situation

nvp-Yesterday at 10:43 PM

rest in pieces berkut

pls imagine a young rinea being trained by mycen tho

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:44 PM

also I low key feel like the main reason why rudolf kept berkut out was bc he really did care (but not about him)

he didn't want alm to fucken die(tm) by berkut's hands, and even tho his nephew failed repeatedly, he's still a competent warriorand alm could be killed

nvp-Yesterday at 10:45 PM

hmm okay rudolf's like. caring about berkut or not is always a super weird thing for me but i've been open to literally any explanation??

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:45 PM

But I'm used to NPcing characters because of Nessa, even if one controls the other we always sometimes swap control to process the roleplay here on Discord. So we'd have to find a Celica and a Rinea to do this with them. Berkut tries he really does

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:45 PM

and rudolf respects that

nvp-Yesterday at 10:45 PM

i know i've heard some folks also say that berkut was told he was too weak so that berkut wouldn't be killed by alm in the fight against rudolf? but rudolf didn't expect berkut to have some Fun(tm) with God

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:46 PM

low key tho I just do it for the crack,,, , I truly believe that deep down rudolf cares abt his nephew

also that's what I thought too

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:46 PM

Yeeaaahhhhh, Berkut lost his mind and gave in to Duma's call.

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:46 PM

berkut got himself a stand and a lot of trouble

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:47 PM

Honestly, the reason why my Berkut at least tries so hard is because he wants to impress Ruldolf and for a reason that's purely HC on my side.

nvp-Yesterday at 10:47 PM

if we ever find a rinea and a celica tho to be down with this au GOD BLESS

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:47 PM

do tell

nvp-Yesterday at 10:47 PM

oooo?

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:50 PM

Okay so, I have it so Berkut's Dad was a Duma fateful that gave his soul to Duma a long time ago, and his mother was just a normal noblewoman. When he was about six his father wanted more power then he bargained for from Duma so he tried to take Berkut's mother and sacrifice her. She wasn't a good enough offering to Duma because his father cared very little for her, so as punishment for a lackluster offering, they both died of the Plague. So because Berkut is only six at the time it was Rudolf that took him in and raised him from a child to what he is now, this is also where Berkut gets his intense hate for the Duma Fateful and their stupid power.

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:50 PM

oh my god,,,,,can i like 

hug berkut

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:52 PM

You are free too but I can't promise he won't make that distraught face he makes when he fails at something.

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:53 PM

god all i want is an actual moment of familial respect between rudolf and berkut like ,, give him a pat on the head and tell him he tried his best maybe throw around a baseball or something god damn give him the childhood he missed out onCrack A Cold One With The Nephew

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:55 PM

please do this boy needs love 

Even when his parents were alive they didn't really do anything with him, his dad always forced him to train every waking moment of every day. His mother is where he inherited his hate for commoners from she was that type of woman so he just, always spent his time training trying to get stronger. Fun fact: His dad only forced him to train to offer him to Duma when he was strong enough

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:56 PM

and rudolf knows of Duma's madness and all so that could give him more reason to dislike it

i- oh god

concept ; either rudolf doesn't die or berkut gives up and attempts to sacrifice himself & rinea to Duma earlier and like ,, rudolf tries to coax him out of it or somethin idk(edited)

nvp-Yesterday at 10:57 PM

WOAH I REALLY LIKE THAT HC

it has really good parallelism to act 5 too so i'm like Immediately Weak

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 10:59 PM

another concept ; when rudolf lives, he can't manage to coax berkut out of it and berkut ends up sacrificing both of them to Duma

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 10:59 PM

I like that idea omg, I already have Berkut didn't die HC. He took the power but he was hanging on such a thin string of life that Duma actually took his power back, so Berkut was just down there at the alter trying to rip off his armor to get to his shirt Where he made lousey field stripped bandaging out of it, becase he got Mcfucked up by Alm.

nvp-Yesterday at 11:00 PM

ooo see the thing is i wonder if berkut had sacrificed rudolf, if alm might've had a much more explosive reaction to finding out??

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 11:00 PM

yes

nvp-Yesterday at 11:01 PM

i still wanna know what tf happened to alm's mom who tf was she

i kinda assumed she died in childbirth but still

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 11:01 PM

Good question

Unless Rudolf had green hair when he was younger.

nvp-Yesterday at 11:01 PM

idk i like the idea rudolf's hair is naturally white? then it gets passed down to walhart eventually

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 11:02 PM

tru

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 11:02 PM

Come to think of it Alm's hair color is like a darker version of Milas right?

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 11:02 PM

also uh if I may, I would like to quote this chat

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 11:02 PM

LOL

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 11:05 PM

tho tbh I feel like rudolf's hair is naturally white

since Walmart™ has it and everything

nvp-Yesterday at 11:05 PM

hmmm i wouldn't say alm's hair is a darker version of mila's cause i think it has a bit more blue to it but then again i just add blue when i color it so hold up i'll actually check

Fish Pond (crueltythroned)-Yesterday at 11:06 PM

Yeah the white hair thing is better, but hair color can be really funny in a way too. I know someone with like brown hair x2 can have a blond child it's something to do with past ancestors having the color. So the ressesive gene wins out.

foxy grandpapa-Yesterday at 11:06 PM

yep

alm's hair looks like a really saturated tone of duma's to me tbh

etc, etc.