#i really need to start tagging my posts so i can delete excited ramblings easier lmao

[wlw0rm]

just booked flights for me n @soft-mark-lee for october for Bee Tee Ess,,,, now i have No Money but but we're seeing bangtan so who the fuck cares!!!! aaaaaaaAA!!!!!

[theaterism]

things i like to know about my rp partners !

FILL IN:

i like to be called: laura

my favorite color is: cerulean

gender: fuzzy but she/her is fine!

(i rambled so putting the rest below a cut!!)

one thing you should know about me: my reply speed varies a lot, from quick to super slow. i reply when i can focus and when i have inspiration for a thread bc i don’t want to write half-hearted replies! adhd makes focus Tricky at times as well. there will be days when i’m scattered and days when i can only focus on small things, headcanons, drabbles, lurking on the dash, or simply Resting. school and energy also affect how much i can write. regardless of how quickly i reply, you can always take as long as you need to respond! and if you’d like to drop a thread, you don’t have to tell me beforehand unless you want to. it’s okay!! also, although i can be exhausted on some days, i can be super enthusiastic and talkative on other days. i get excited easily!! i love thinking and talking about these characters and i often ramble about them in headcanons. if we write together for a while, i’ll likely get excited about your character(s) and our characters’ relationship as well, and i’m always happy to learn more about your muse(s) or chat about our muses’ relationship!!

on a related note, i know i can be really enthusiastic about muses and threads, but i’m also very chill abt replies. if you send a starter meme and i reply and you’d rather not continue it as a thread?? that’s totally okay! if i sent a meme and you don’t have inspiration to respond?? no worries! you can totally wait until you have muse for it, or you can delete it. if you want to drop a thread after one reply, or several replies, or after a whole bunch of replies?? all super valid, and again, there’s no pressure to let me know when you want to stop replying (you can just do it)! if i like an inbox/starter call and you don’t have muse to reply? no worries, i don’t mind! if we have a thread or threads and you feel inspired to start another, whether by tagging me in a starter or sending me a meme, or if you just want to leap into my askbox for ic shenanigans?? go for it! if you need to stay quiet for a while and not reply to things?? absolutely, totally okay! i’m excited to write with you, but you can always do whatever makes you the most comfortable and causes you the least stress. i’ll never be upset with you for doing so; your well-being comes first. i want you to feel comfortable and enjoy your time here! in general, there’s also no time limit and no rush on replies. take as long as you need! <3

one thing you should know about my muse(s): i usually have the most inspiration for foxtrot, so you’ll likely see a lot of him here!! my replies for charlie and victor will be slower, but i promise i’ll get to them when i can! in terms of something important to know about foxtrot — he doesn’t trust easily. it takes time for him to feel comfortable around someone in general. although he gets along better with certain types of people, he won’t warm up to your muse right away, and he’ll trust their actions more than their words. he’s also skilled at telling when people are lying. this doesn’t mean he’ll always know when someone is lying — and he tends to assume the worst, so he may think someone is lying when they’re actually being honest — but in the presence of deception, he’s likely to have a hunch that something is off. charlie, on the other hand, trusts a lot easier than foxtrot. she isn’t gullible, but she’s friendly and tends to seek Friendship Status as often and as soon as possible. she likes company!! she prefers to assume the best about people. victor is quiet. he’s deeply empathetic and thoughtful, but unless someone asks him direct questions, his thoughts often stay internal. he’s more comfortable speaking around people he feels close with, but like foxtrot, it takes him a while to truly warm up to someone. i’ll always give you something to respond to in replies aside from dialogue, but you can always let me know if you need more to work with!

first language: english

second language: french

HIGHLIGHT:

age range: under 13 | 14–17 | 18–22 | 23–25 | 26–29 | 30+ | 70+

am I okay with NSFW?: yes | no (these muses are underage) | depends on type of NSFW content | selectively

my favorite/most common thing to RP is: angst | fluff | smut | crack | action | other (conversational threads are Good, the ones where our characters just Talk abt stuff together! i appreciate them!!)

OC friendly?: yes (absolutely!!) | no | depends

blog: does / doesn’t contain OOC posts (but they are almost always related to rp in some way!)

TAGGING:

tagged by: spotted it on the dash!!

tagging: anyone who wants to try!!

[alpha--niner]

I feel like I should make some things uh. known? i guess? Starting with the easy shit

i’m going to be going through this blog soon and deleting some of the pointless text posts. should make it a lot easier for people who actually view the blog to see the chapter posts and not just my bullshit

Please send me reminders to set up the Giants/Kings/Gods playlist on spotify so that I’ll actually do it. 

I plan to update before Christmas, or if that fails, before the new year.

I want to write things for other fandoms too, mainly fallout, but I can get into that later. if you’re interested, though, feel free to let me know.

and now please click ‘read more’ for a long explanation and apology for my absence and failure at writing

like alright look.

I spent October and November thinking I had last updated in May. I was wrong. I last updated in fucking April. It’s been so long since I updated, I could have had a child by now - an early birth, but still you get the point I’m trying to make, right? I fucked up. bad. stopped writing entirely for a long time. 

I should have had an update during the summer. I should have two, to be quite honest. instead, I played Overwatch and talked about Fallout and set up a Fallout 4 rp with a friend instead of working on my stories. for all my complaining about writing being hard and my being unable to do it, I sure as hell can get myself to sit down and write a rp reply in under 15 minutes. 

so what’s stopping me?

quite simply,

I think I burnt myself out. I don’t like to admit it, but it’s probably what happened. I started writing lolix when season 12 was out and by early season 13, I had this monster of a fic in the works and now... now I just don’t know. I love Felix, and I love Locus, and I love that they were included but I hated the way they ended and the bullshit Miles Luna wrote for them at the end ‘cause it made no fucking sense. I still haven’t watched anything past Sharkface’s death in season 13 because I hated the ending that much when I heard about it. I haven’t seen season 14 at all. I don’t care. 

tbh, the only thing I watch from RT right now is RWBY and the occasional letsplay video. 

not enjoying the source material had a huge impact on the story itself. I have plans for it, I have goals, and I have this want to finish it and let you guys see how insufferably ridiculous they get after a crucial point in Gods. but I don’t have the need to do it anymore. I want to write and I feel like I should because I owe you guys so much just for sitting down and taking the chance to read this. 

I bragged once about having several of my works on the top page of the lolix ao3 tag when you sorted by wordcount. and that’s the truth. it probably still is the truth, idk, I don’t read a lot of lolix now.

that’s another source of my issues. I used to read a lot of it. I was picky about which works I really liked, but I’d look for new stuff and read it and reread fics I liked, and last time I checked, there was very little that I liked. it makes me feel like... if I don’t like what’s currently up there, why would I want to write more. or something like that. it’s a bullshit complicated thing, but it ties into the whole ‘needing an audience’ thing. ‘cause let’s get one thing straight: 

I started this fic for myself and a friend.

I continued it for everyone reading it, because I wanted to share this stupid idea that got way out of hand with everyone who wanted to see it.

I want to finish it for myself and for all of you, but I am trying so hard and failing constantly to find the drive for it. I love all the comments and feedback, and how people seemed to be so genuinely excited last time I actually updated. there’s a part of me that will always want more attention and more comments and more feedback, but for every one I’ve gotten, I was never more happy then when they came in. 

I’m sorry I haven’t updated. it’s been rough, for a while, at least.

in late August, I lost internet. for two and a half months. I didn’t realize until early November that I had the google docs app on my phone, but by then my phone was so shitty and prone to freezing that I wouldn’t have been able to load the modern au doc even if I tried - that doc sits at 80 pgs or so currently

when I got internet back in mid-November, I played Overwatch and Destiny 2 and reconnected with friends, set up ways for youtube followers to contact me, streamlined some things on yt, and then fell into a pattern. wake up, play games, edit videos, occasionally write but only rp replies. 

I’ve failed so hard at being the author I want to be, and all my focus has got into videogames. I will never have a career in videogames, I know that logically, and I know that I could actually realistically make money writing. I know I’m good enough. 

I’m sorry this has gotten so rambly. I didn’t mean for it to be. I just wanted to lay things out straight with everyone that cares about my story and the two idiots in it, for everyone that still wants to read it, for anyone that has found it since April and wondered why I haven’t posted. I don’t want to abandon it. I already did that to the zombie au, I refuse to let it happen this time. 

I may have had some obstacles, and I may have burnt myself out long ago, but I think I can be refreshed for it. I reread it not too long ago, I wrote a bit not even a week ago, and I know that some of the scenes I have planned for Gods and later on in Kings are amazing and well worth me writing down. 

I will update for you all. I promise. Just... bare with me. and my procrastination and lack of drive or whatever the hell you wanna call it. I am trying and I will try and I really do want to finish this monster for all of you.

with that in mind, if you did read all of this, can you just let me know if you still want super long megapacked chapters? it’s kind of like.. my thing now, to only post when everything I want in a chapter is complete. but you’d get more frequent uploads if I posted a couple bits as a chapter here, and another few there.

‘a couple bits’ may add up to roughly 10 pages or so? it’d depend. 

up to you guys, really. i don’t mind digging for song lyrics to match what i post for you, so long as you’d appreciate it and enjoy reading.

[cut-off-the-grain]

Writing Meme

I was tagged by @obsessions-and-dreams last week, but I had a string of migraines which pretty much resulted in me coming home from work and going to bed with no desire to stare at a screen (0/10, would not recommend) so I'm doing it now. Be warned, I rambled quite a bit. Is there a snack you like to eat while writing? Not really a snack, but I usually have a drink by me. What time of day do you usually write? During the week I write a bit here and there in the evenings when I’m home from work. Occasionally I scribble ideas down during my lunch break. But I’m off work on Sundays and Mondays and lately I’ve been blocking two to three hours into one of those days just for writing. Where do you write? Those chunks of time I mentioned I dedicate to writing I go to Starbucks, because if I go there specifically to write I spend that time actually writing! The rest of the time I write at home, usually while sitting at my kitchen table so I can look out at my bird feeder now and again when I need a break from staring at my screen (I’m sitting there right now, and a little goldfinch has been at the feeder for the last ten minutes! He’s so bright and pretty!) How often do you write a new fic? I’ve been averaging about one a month, along with a couple little ficlets here and there. The strange thing is before I started writing Kylux I really hadn’t written anything in a long time. I think the last time I wrote for a fandom was the Sherlock fandom, and I stopped after season 2 came out. And that was 2012, I think? So about five years, but once I started writing what I kept swearing was going to be my one and only fic for them Hux and Kylo grabbed me and refused to let go. Do you listen to music while you write? Yes! My dad is a musician and growing up I always did my homework in the same room he practiced in. So I think I now have this ingrained response that listening to music means I’m going to be productive and do something. And music has largely influenced my writing. Each fic seems to have one particular song I kept listening to while writing it, and I’ve ended up taking lyrics from those songs to use as titles. ‘Don’t Be Shy (You’ve Been Here Before)’ is a line from Dusty Springfield’s ‘Breakfast in Bed’, which is a sweet, sad, and very seductive song. ‘If You Should Fall Into My Arms’ is from David Bowie’s ‘Let’s Dance’, which is a fun, light, catchy song that never fails to make me smile and want to sing along. ‘The Minor Fall, The Major Lift’ is taken from the Leonard Cohen song ‘Hallelujah’,although it’s about how draining relationships can be but, for some reason, most covers leave off the final verse, which goes “And even though it all went wrong, I’ll stand before the Lord of Song, with nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah” which to me is about overcoming hardship. So for me the song fit the fic perfectly- Kylo and Hux have both been damaged by their pasts, but together they will overcome them and be stronger for it. (Whew, that got long!) And ‘Don’t You Ever Tame Your Demons’ is from the Hozier song ‘Arsonist’s Lullabye’, because the opening line is “When I was a child I heard voices” and from the moment I heard that lyric it screamed young Ben Solo. What's your writing utensil? Paper or laptop? I actually use both, but for different purposes. I write outlines on paper, sketch out scenes, put down specific dialogue or descriptions I want to include, etc. And then I write the story on my laptop (technically it’s a tablet and I have a keyboard I use with it). I do this for two reasons 1) It makes it really easy for me to reference my notebook while I’m typing, I’m not trying to flip back and forth between two different screens. I can cross things off as I go so I know roughly what scene is going to come next. It’s not hard and fast, I switch things around, add scenes, delete scenes as needed, but it helps keep me on track. And 2) It’s easier to pull a notebook out while I’m standing in line or waiting at the doctor’s office or something and jot a quick note down than to pull out a tablet. And if I write it down with pen and paper I tend to remember thing better than typing, so I’ll probably still have whatever idea fresh in my mind without having to go track down what file I saved it in. Do you have a special pre-writing ritual? Not really. I pretty much just pop my headphones in, open up the document, and start writing. What do you do to get into the writing mood? Occasionally inspiration strikes suddenly and I drop whatever I’m doing to write, but usually just scheduling time makes me want to write. There’s something about having time put aside just for writing that inspires me to do it- I think because I look forward to it all week, so when I get the time I’m excited! What do you always have near the place you write? A drink, coffee or tea if I’m at Starbucks, water at home. And my notebook with ideas. That’s about it! Do you have a reward system for word counts? Umm, sort of? It’s not specifically for word counts, but for scenes. As in, after I finish this scene I’ll get a refill on my drink, stand up and stretch, check my e-mail quickly. And it’s not really a reward so much as it is just building little breaks in so I don’t get burned out. It’s amazing to me how a five minute break where I watch a video, close my eyes and just hum along to a song, look at pictures of cute animals, can be just enough to rejuvenate me so I’m ready to write again. And I don’t really care about word counts. I’m actually pretty terrible at guessing how many words it’s going to take me to write a scene- I think I’ll say everything I want in five hundred words, then a thousand words later I’m finally getting to the point. I just write what I want to write, and however many words it ends up being is fine. So, no. The answer to the question is no, but I had to write two paragraphs to say that ;P Is there anything else about your writing process your readers don't know? It’s not necessarily about the writing process, but I both enjoy and am simultaneously horrified by going back and reading stuff I wrote after it’s been posted. I will swing wildly back and forth between ‘oh, what lovely phrasing, I forgot I wrote that, it’s wonderful’ and ‘this is terrible, how did anyone manage to slog through this all the way to the end, let alone enjoy it enough to leave me a comment?’ In short, like probably every writer, I manage to be both completely smug and self-congratulating while also being almost entirely consumed with self doubt. That just means I’m a complex, interesting individual, right? I am low-key (no pressure!) tagging @an-r-1 @thegoodlannister and I'm going to break the rules and tag a wonderful artist too, because most of the questions will still work, just change writing to drawing @youdidnotseeme