#i really hope i dont make people uncomfortable with it
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Hi Beans, I’m finally here. Diluting the sad with fun and very OOC.
I don’t really have a lot of ideas about what to write, but I remembered that I shared my idea of Es with the chivalrous Argenti's personality. So. AU in a vacuum (maybe an actors AU, maybe not), where Es thought that it would be funny to surprise the prisoners with the behavior of a knight(maybe Jackalope came up with that idea, maybe just strange sense of humor). What about the prisoners' reactions? (gallantry and compliments to plants attached) I think Mahiru would have joined the drive even if she didn’t really understand what happened. Fuuta would probably say "ugh, cringe" and that would make him a great target for the rest of the day.
YESS ahahaha, this is such a fun idea! I wrote a little scene with a few characters, but honestly it's hysterical picturing any of them trying to figure out how to react to this new and sparkling Es... I went for a version where not even Jackalope was prepared, but I can certainly see him suggesting something crazy like that to shake things up omg. Thank you so much for the request! The original meme was made by Mug, and I couldn't help but do a doodle myself ✨🌹
Amane was the first to witness it. She fled as soon as possible, finding sanctuary in the common room. The others were surprised as she stumbled in, face pale and eyes wide. Very little could frighten the girl; it was not a good sign.
Yuno moved to comfort her. “What’s wrong?”
Her eyes went distant with the harrowing memory. “It’s Es,” was all she said.
“Did they do something cruel?”
“No. Worse.” Amane shivered. “They were… nice.”
“They were what?”
Amane opened her mouth, but paused at the sound of heels clicking down the hallway.
She stiffened. “If you need me you can find me in my cell.” She disappeared as quickly as she came. The others, who had been listening in on the odd conversation, gaped after her. They tried to piece together what had been so unsettling. Still, Es’ boots approached.
All eyes landed on the doorway.
And Es appeared. They looked very normal. Jackalope hopped up behind them. All shoulders sagged in relief. Es surveyed the room, slightly surprised to find everyone staring.
Then, they smiled.
It was a genuine, bright smile. The blue-gray of their eyes sparkled with a new light. Their lips parted to release a lighthearted laugh, unlike anything the prisoners had heard from them before.
They glided through the room, heels clicking lightly behind them until they came to Muu. The others stood frozen in place.
Es swept their cape aside with a grand flourish of their arm. They held both her hand and her gaze with warmth.
“Why, hello, Muu! You’re looking as positively lovely as always. Has this fine morning treated you well?”
“Um…” She looked to everyone, her face pleading for a little guidance. They were too busy looking eagerly to her in astonishment. “Uh… yes?”
“I’m pleased to hear it.” They reached behind themself. The room let out a soft gasp as they produced a pale pink flower from underneath their cape.
“For you, my dear.”
They didn’t wait for her to finish stuttering a confused ‘thank you’ before they turned to whoever was standing closest. Mahiru’s own face lit up as Es turned their glimmering gaze her way. Fuuta scoffed, muttering something about this being the lamest, cringiest thing he’d witnessed. Es pretended not to hear.
“Shiina Mahiru… a smile like yours is rare to find in a place like this. I thank you for it.” They pinched their chin and angled their head, thinking. “The meaning of your name has to do with light, correct?”
She nodded, unable to keep the giddiness from her face. The others watched as Es moved their glove behind once more. Surely there was no room for any more flowers hidden there…
Surely they were all mistaken – Es flicked their wrist to present a small gathering of yellow blooms.
“Something radiant for someone as bright as you.”
She fell over herself with gratitude and giggles. She tried to tuck it into her hair, and Mikoto stepped over to help her. The pair raised their eyebrows at each other in disbelief.
This time, Es retrieved their gift before turning to their next victim. A classic red rose. They caught a prisoner’s gaze.
“Oh, no. Nope. No way.” Fuuta held up his hands, as if it could ward them off. “I don’t want your stupid-ass flowers.”
“Now, now, I see you’re playing hard to get, as usual.” They brushed their thumb along the thorny stem. “You know, the rose has a very similar approach.”
Fuuta’s face now matched the flower’s color. “Wha–” He stumbled backward, then took off running to the door. “I don’t know what weird mind games you’re trying to pull, but I’m staying out of it!”
Es only clicked their tongue gently when he disappeared. “Always making things difficult, that one. All part of his charm, I suppose.”
They followed to the entrance. Turning briefly, they flashed their smile once more.“It was wonderful to see you all! I will await our next meeting eagerly.”
With a fluttery wave, they vanished.
Everyone’s attention shot to Jackalope, who had paused in the doorway. No one could understand his voice, but his little rabbit face seemed to say, Hey, don't look at me. I have no fucking idea.
#milgram#es#muu kusunoki#mahiru shiina#fuuta kajiyama#featuring others#asdfsadfs its so silly i love that for them 😂#i hope i wrote them alright -- i dont usually analyze that character type for writing too much 😅#i think yuno and muu would be suspicious at first since theyre used to fake people but would see it was all harmless and accept es' kindnes#haruka and mahiru are super flattered all the time <3 mikoto enjoys it but doesnt really take the compliments to heart#fuuta is downright disgusted but YES it makes him the biggest target 😂#shidou and kazui dont quite understand#but theyre both poetic guys and would probably nod along and muse on what es is saying about flowers and beauty#i wrote amane uncomfortable for the comedy but honestly i think shed enjoy it too after getting over her confusion#kotoko just tries to talk to es as normal#theyll give her a poetic speech complimenting her only to be met with#'yeah i know but thats not important. now as we were talking about...'#no one knows where they keep getting all these flowers from#asdfsdf the art had me cackling the whole time -- if you post yours lmk!!! it was so perfect omg#drabbles
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ik i talk abt high control groups kinda often but i do encourage anyone involved in discourse in any capacity to watch folding ideas' "this is financial advice" video, because a lot of what he says about the gamestop apes being a self-organizing high control group imo also explains the more toxic discourse tendencies, and i feel like most discussion around high-control groups on here focuses on the tradtional kind that has one or a few distinct leaders which makes it harder to draw parallels between the signs. so i think its important to point out that these kinds of groups can still create that same energy as a unit even if there isn't one specific person calling the shots
#origibberish#namely the signs ive noticed most over the years are obviously internal jargon‚ thats kind of a given when working with microlabels#but see also transmed/truscum/trender/tucute/acey/theyfab/transandrophobia truther/etc etc etc#ideas being boiled down to short gotchas that just get ping ponged back and forth#see The Entirely Of Any Ace Discourse Argument for that but again see 'theyre just trans mras'#and the tendancy for members to turn on anyone who steps out of line even a little#omg i cqnt believe i forgot pro/anti discourse too theyre really bad about all of these on both sides#oh or another example would be steven universe discourse#like 'it endorses letting fascists off the hook' would just get thrown around as if it was undisputed fact despite there being MILES#of shit going on in the background to get to that#anyways. yeah 👍 keeping this in mind has already made a huge difference in how i engage in online discussions#and has also been a good rule of thumb for when to Stop engaging with someone#where if theyre displaying these signs thank you i do not want to be part of this#and like yes that goes for people youre arguing with but it obviously /ESPECIALLY/ goes for people you like#if you have a friend who you feel like you cant say anything that disagrees with them or theyll freak out at you. you dont have to keep#being friends with them. if being around someone makes you uncomfortable and you constantly find yourself making excuses for why#they treat you the way they do then thats a bad sign#and like with that i really hope ive managed to yknow. create a nice space here where ppl feel safe bringing stuff up?#idk
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i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again
sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now
Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.
And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.
and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.
no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.
and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.
im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.
and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently
in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.
there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.
no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.
#you know it's funny#i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this#on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and#the friend that i lost last year checked my account and#i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me#because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry#bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man#i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot#but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also#i dont fit in that friendship anymore#but im still really greatful#for checking up on me even like this#*most of my life#noticed a typo#idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself#all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday#im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations#trying to convince myself that its oka#it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im#terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi#g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul#i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda#hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not#that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m#friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread#knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb#i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps#anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but#i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much
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i do think especially arguments about this stuff that hinge on going, well im a victim and i think this is bad are unworkable because you will find a hundred other victims who go oh it helps me process it or whatever else
#i mean i guess it's like well i deserve to have my voice heard over someone else because xyz is what they are saying#it's so insane that this happens repeatedly on this site where you can just filter out terms and shit#block people who make you uncomfortable#idk man i used to be really like eww it's important to tell people about these freaks#but like fuck i really just do not agree that someone should be harassed off the internet or worse for like doing consensual things with#other adults like even if it bothers you majorly does that give you the right to harass them#i am also unsympathetic to the argument that they are gonna harm people because first off most of the people who get chased off dont#really have any power in the first place lets be real otherwise it wouldnt be an affective tool to chase them off in the first place#and secondly if they are gonna harm someone it's someone close to them and posting online about it isn't gonna do anything#you aren't gonna solve abuse by harassing people online even if they suck shit#like unless you want to fucking call the cops on them which i would hope we all know is 100x worse#it's not gonna do anything besides maybe make the situation worse lmao
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K, L, E!!
YES OH MY GOSH HELLO ANON thank you so much for indulging me and sending questions from the Fanfic Ask Meme!! As always, I LOVE chatting about fic (mine and other peoples!) and I get so excited when people send me these! If anyone wants to send anymore, or reblog it themselves, the list can be found HERE.
K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?
This is a hard question because I feel like all of my fics are pretty angst heavy? I know I published it anonymously, but I think Immoral in a Stranger's Lap was probably one of the most painful, especially because it didn't really have a resolution or a happy ending, the same goes for (Sometimes). It's still in the early stages of outlining, (and I'm writing it because I am firmly in the we need more mpreg in this fandom camp) but the Teen Dad Fictional!Matty fic is also shaping up to be pretty angsty - it's looking like it's going to be a split narrative alternating between 16 year old Fictional!Matty dealing with teen pregnancy and present day thirty something year old Fictional!Matty trying to get pregnant on purpose and struggling to do so which I know deals with a lot of really heavy and painful topics.
L: What’s the weirdest AU you’ve ever come up with?
I feel like all of them 😂 But I guess, since it's not really popular in this fandom I'm going to say omegaverse even though it was very common in my other fandom experiences.
E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?
I'm choosing to talk about Small Bump because I was working on Make Way for Ducklings earlier and clearly have mpreg on the mind. If I were to writing a sequel to that one, it would be dealing with Fictional!Matty's postpartum depression.
Thank you so much for sending these in! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to send this ask, and for your continued support! I'm really grateful for the people who have not only taken the time to read my fics, but who have also taken the time to engage with me! I really appreciate you! I hope your Wednesday is going well and that you have a great rest of your week!
❤️Ally
#allylikethecat#ask ally#anon ask#keep it kind#fanfiction#matty fic#gatty#fanfic#make way for ducklings#mpreg#small bump#(Sometimes)#Omegaverse#On a Friday#Omega verse#Immoral in a stranger's lap#I feel like i just brought up all of my controversial fics and fic ideas and i apologize for that#im just having a lot of feelings about art at the moment#also fun fact ive published a few fics anonymously (guess which ones lol) and some of them i've included on my fics page#on my tumblr#also i guess if we were really talking sequels it would the the third and final part of the face down / in the dirt situation#but i really hesitate to talk about that one or post the third part#because it got some backlash#and i feel awful that i caused hurt and distress with those fics#its a very conflicting feeling because i also dont think we should censor our art and that people are responsible for the content#they consume and that if they are uncomfortable they should remove themselves from that piece of work#but idk its a complicated issue and i feel a lot of guilt#but then its also like why is someone elses experience more valid than my own?#anyway I hope those people are in a better place now and i am sending them lots of love#i hope i didnt get get myself cancelled with this one
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It sucks how much people genuinely think that supporting something in a fictional context is the same as supporting that thing in real life :((
Like, do you people really truly believe that fictional characters are in any way equivalent to real life people? Do you understand how absolutely ridiculous that sounds?
“But they’re minors/siblings/victims/etc!” NO THEY’RE NOT. They are a figment of someone’s imagination that can have literally any traits you want them to cause fiction is something made to be manipulated for our viewing pleasure. That’s why AUs are a thing. That’s why headcanons are a thing. Cause fiction is meant to be manipulated for you to enjoy! You can’t have headcanons for a real life person. Because real people are not the same as fictional people. At least, I hope you don’t treat real people like they are fictional characters.
“But why would you want to ship [insert thing here]? It’s gross!” Okay, and? It isn’t hurting any actual real person, and it could even be helping someone who is using this to cope with their own trauma! And no, your personal discomfort is not a reason to completely delete content cause you can easily just block the tag/the creator and never see it. It is your responsibility to curate your own experience and if you are incapable of doing that, it is your responsibility to stay out of fandom spaces until you are mature enough to do so. It is not the responsibility of everyone else in the world to cater to your specific needs. You shouldn’t expect every single person to have the exact same needs as you and the exact same ways of coping with said needs.
“But groomers will use this thing to manipulate vulnerable people!” Indeed, that does happen. But it is not the fault of the person who made the content. It is always, and I mean always, the fault of the groomer themself. By saying “I was groomed by this content” you take away the responsibility of the actual groomer who did it. Don’t absolve them of their crime because of what they used for the crime. No matter what, it was always their fault and the responsibility of that is on their shoulders. Even if that content didn’t exist, they would’ve found some other way to groom you because that is simply who they chose to be and that is the unfortunate and sad truth.
It is completely okay to be uncomfortable with something! Grossed out even! Or something can be literally triggering for you. That is okay! And if someone doesn’t tag their content properly and it gets to you, you have every right to be mad about that! But that does not mean the person who made the content needs to delete what they made. You just have to block them so that you’ll never see their content again. You don’t even have to engage with them. That’s the beauty of the internet! We’re all strangers and once someone is blocked, it’s as if they never even existed! You’ll never meet them irl or be forced to interact with them. They are dead to you.
Also side note, but helpful information! When you block someone on Tumblr, their posts can still end up on your dash if someone else reblogs from them. Idk if Tumblr has changed this in the few years I’ve been gone, but a way around that is to add their blog name to your filtered content! That way, even if someone else reblogs from them, it’ll still be hidden from you :D
#i dont expect the target audience of this post to actually read it so its more just a vent for me#i just cant believe this is something that is so hard to grasp for some people#im not using any main tags for this because i reeeeeally want to stay out of discourse#i just really needed to say this#i dont even like most problematic ships#they are not appealing to me and some of them are even downright uncomfortable to me#but do i care if anyone else ships them? no i dont#because i have the power to simply not engage with the content and curate my own internet experiences#honestly the worst ship for me isnt even a problematic one but it makes me feel faaar worse than any problematic ship ever could#and yes i have the tag for it blocked#if i see a post that says it has my filtered content in it i simply scroll passed it#im also not a fan of dark/angsty topics even in ships i do like#so once again i avoid it like the plague#i dont care if other people enjoy that stuff. good for them! i hope theyre having fun/gen#i will simply stay in my lane and make sure i never have to see that stuff#king sad sack#<- thats my vent tag lol
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And sorry for the lack of posting. Got sick and thank God I was NOT diagnosed with the virus.
I do wanna explain more about the AU and explain in a very good detailed way but I bet you guys will complain, don't expect me to be normal like you people. I just love my creations :pp
#natty talks#i do hope i dont get sick than before. my throat hurts#i mean...i did mentioned in the intro (pinned post) that the au was like a comfort or special hyperfixation for me.#i need to stfu. i already made people uncomfortable with my behavior#am I gonna be in trouble for this?- idk#it depends how many dumbasses in the CU fandom reacts to my blog and calls me problematic LOL#the AU is so silly and awful but i love it ‼️‼️‼️#no really sometimes the au makes me feel happy and a bit better when i draw them.
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That’s the thing, no one so far has actually said the Doll is a literal mourning doll. That would be creepy. It’s just the concept of people making dolls in memory of their loved ones. The way mourning dolls were also commissioned for parents also was oddly in line with the theme of surrogate children in Bloodborne, but death dolls have been a thing in other cultures too and for a million different reasons.
The Japanese text says that the doll was created with the purpose of gentle consolation for its creator. That’s why the mourning doll theory got popular, but I don’t think anyone is actually trying to say that it’s a one-on-one comparison. It could just be a place where From Soft drew inspiration, since they often reference history in their games.
From Soft also has done the doll thing before. Ranni made two dolls in Elden Ring that looked like her former mentor and then possessed them. It’s just a theme they like to use apparently. I think people should feel free to discuss the mourning doll inspo theory without being told to be careful. We know it’s not the same thing. I’m trying to make this sound as non-hostile as possible, but it does feel like some people may be assuming the worst of others for offering different takes on the doll :/
Just to preface, I don't think ill of anyone who believes in or pushes the theory! This is just a fun little game discussion. It is essential to mention and acknowledge wider context when talking about possible inspirations and I do believe that wider context sours it a little bit. It's just that when people talk about more positive interpretations of the Doll they just say "Victorian Mourning Doll" without any specifications, I think that's just what puts me off a little bit.
Along with that, I think it's important to understand that the way that Gehrman and the Doll's relationship is presented within the game is uncomfortable- even if it wasn't intended to be so. The story concerning the Doll shifted a lot through development and it can even be assumed that Maria was created retroactively for the DLC and based on the Doll, instead of the other way around. That the unfortunate presentation that Gehrman stripped his apprentice of her masculine attributes and agency wasn't planned initially. I just think that the way that it is presented in the final product should defiantly be considered!!
This isn't Gehrman slander I really like Gehrman, but he absolutely isn't completely moral. I have to end this by stating that this is my opinion here!!! My specific wants about lore discussions aren't gospel or anything! It's just that when people mention this theory they tend to disregard the context around it is all and it's unfortunate that the context presents the exact opposite takeaway.
#ough i really hope i havent come off as aggressive or anything here! its just lore discussion at the end of the day#and to reitorate im absolutly dont think any less of anyone who believes this theory or anything!!#and this isnt a vague about anyone either#its just (as gehrman enjoyer) i dont really like it when people refuse to acknowledge how uncomfortable his relationship with the doll is#like i think that they are a product of grief as well!!#it is just the consistent unelaboration of “mourning doll” without the very very real context around that which makes me kinda dislike the#discussion around it#sorry sorry again if i came of as abrasive!! if you wanna carry on this conversation feel free to dm me#the rat speaks#anon
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feels very strange to get podcast ads about how pride friendly orlando is rn what with the current political conditions of florida for very large swathes of the queer community
i mean i dont have any suggestions for like idk the marketing team of the orlando tourism board to do any better like i certainly wouldnt know how to advertise rn, thats a rough hand youre stuck with and i hope your shit ass transphobe fascist politicians drop dead.
just. wild to hear rn
#toy txt post#and like maybe it is a pride friendly area within florida but like the fact that im getting advertised it from a very different state#its just Feels Very Weird. its like the same energy as when companies started having normal ads again about having like#holiday gatherings and football parties in like 2021/2022? like no actually the unprecedented times are still upon us. your pandemic ads#were insufferable for sure like they felt very weird and stupid and patornizing and but you have somehow managed to Make It Worse#thats kinda how it feels like the same vibe. it was one thing before it was pride month and it was just like casually trying to convince me#to come to universal and disney but now its june so theyre talking about their Gay Days#and like it would almost certainly be very weird and uncomfortable if it was like listen we acknowledge the current guy we have#is going like full blown fascist with an intent on genociding queer and particularly trans ppl but like listen we installed this new ride#and we'd really like for it to pay for itself with ticket sales or whatever. idk just feels weird. i dont know if i have a suggestion for#the advertising board of tourism in orlando to do differently like i dont have a suggestion for them except to maybe get that fucker out of#office. and it probably feels less weird if ur like In The State or in another state with similar horrifying shit#its probably like well whatever and thats fair. i mean its not fair i hope all your transphobic fascist ass politicians drop dead and that#yall will be safe#anyway. just. very weird. anyway idk. @mouse if you kill desantis with no mercy just fucking destroy his ass#ill forgive u a little bit and consider hitting up your extremely expensive theme park if i have the funds. universal if u pitch in on#destorying that bastard ill consider visiting you again too. again if i have the funds. i wont go to the terf wizard section but i do want#to see the new hulk track 🥺#ppl of florida especially marginalized ppl of florida. you deserve so much fucking better than you got im so sorry#floridian govt makes me so mad for like the regular human reasons of. they suck for a lot of fucking people and also the very important and#unique ecosystems yall have down there but also for the personal selfish reasons of. florida seems like Really Cool if it didnt have#like#the fascists. and gun culture. id love the climate. well. on the Atlantic side. gulf too warm for me personally. so many creatures down#there. cool places and you got those Very themey theme parks and listen i would like disney to have less power (#(AFTER THEY DISEMBOWEL DESANTIS. I WANT THEM TO DESTROY HIM AND HIS CRONIES FIRST. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ANYTHING)#but like they did kinda go off with the Theming. i do love that. universal too BUT. not to derail this post into roller coasters but also#sorry that is a thing im incapablw of being normal about sorry UH universal also went tf off with the themeing and i Love it HOWEVER#i do with the coasters were more. visible. i cant speak for disney i only went once as a very small tiny child and i remember nothing#but i went to universal in high school like Right before they completely retracked hulk and the theming was incredible i was obsessed.#but there was no way to see most of the coasters without actually riding them which i did find very disappointing.
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#god ok . vent in tags#saur basically i have been stuck at home doing nothing but studying for the past. 3 years? idk#and now i am Finally starting irl in person school again albeit. Very Late into the school year#and my parents r like. obviously she will be distracted from your studies#bitch what fucking distraction. like. studying for 14 hours a day is not normal you Know that right. right. say sike rn#ugh fucking. im so angry. i want to live and make mistakes and be stuck in uncomfortable situations and then get to laugh about it later!!!#i dont want to spend hours and hours and hours with no one except my family and the internet for company#and this is so frustrating i want to live!!!!! i want to live i want to live i want to live#i want to live but i dont want to be alive. is this anything#alive is tedious. living is free. god i want to jump into a river#ofc i Can just do what i want to do but the specter of my parents disapproval will be hanging like the sword of damocles#mental illness moment <- she has realized she has only two states of being either manic energy or dissociative blankness#ergh the last 2 months have been filled with uncomfortable realizations about myself. what do you Mean constantly wishing you were dead is#not something that happens to other people#what do you Mean. wh#is living not incredibly hard for everyone. no??? its not supposed to be???? thats. huh#anyway. god im so tired#holding on to the faintest hope that it will get better. ive made a promise to stay alive till 21 at least#lets see if it really does get better. i hope it does
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#today has been a day. as in time did pass. the earth rotated. and i accomplished very little#bc im just feeling paralyzed and not so good. and i guess thats understandable#like i understand y its happening but its not any less frustrating. mostly its just knowing that i have to make life altering decisions in#the next few weeks. and the pressure of: if i dont decide to go for this one project then they dont get a student and they dont get funding#that makes me pretty nauseous. and knowing i have an interview Thursday that im not ready for and i dont really wanna do#and its a product of not talking to people like a human being. like i just dont interact with people much. when im in the lab i mostly#stand around looking unapproachable or go in when i kno there's no one there and i just dont have close friends so i dont really talk to or#text anyone. i just work and fail to get things done. so then when im in a situation where i have to talk to ppl its all anxious shrapnel#or me dominating the conversation bc i cant stand the pauses and i have so much obsessivly rotatinf in my head. and i hate it. im so sick#of hearinf my own voice but no one talk in the way i want them to. i get so bored. and i want to ask pressing and uncomfortable things but#i kno i shouldnt. but i also dont really have a filter so ill just say fucking whatever. which is what i did Saturday when a triggering#topic of conversation arose. so now my lab mate officially knows too much. but whatever wtf is he gonna do abt it. i just get so annoyed#bc now its in my head. thr fact it set me off and that i overshared and that now its in my head. annoying.#and it doesn't help with the writing things i need to finish. bc i dont like feeling like ive done something wrong and one of the reviewers#has good points. which also probably means ill have to redo my 8 days of measurements so far#but i also might b able to shorten the timeline so idk. just a lot is happening rn and i feel the pressure and by brain doesn't like#pressure. and not doing things rn is not good. things need to be done#so idk i dont feel good but it makes sense. by the end of February hopefully things will b figured out#and i should sleep and hope for a better tomorrow#unrelated
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#bruhhhh im literally doing the same things to my current friend group that i did to people in high school bruhhh#how do u stop the cycle </3 it is endless#at the very least now i am awARE#but the awareness doesnt hit until im out of the actual social situations#within the moment i feel quite overwhelmed and excluded no matter what i do#i think for me its harder cuz im just also more introverted#so other people might see my quietness as like idk oh maybe she doesnt wanna talk right now#while im seeing things as why am i not being talked to right now :((#its hard i want to show up for my friends a lot of them are graduating#but every group social event makes me feel more and more alone and i have stopped being able to control my emotions in the moment#like just the knowledge of like#if theres only space for 2 people on a sidewalk i'll be that third person trailing behind#and like its always me#groups of three make me uncomfortable#i dont have the confidence to insert myself in a group of two like ever#which is part of the problem for sure#and its like im quiet so even if i insert myself it'll just be me doing NOTHIGN#and saying NOTHIGN#which like ACHK#been getting bad at fighting these thoughts more and more by the day#the onLY thing thats different is my logical side she is#way louder than she used to be before i just gotta learn how to listen to her#in the MOMENT#its always afterwards where shes like told ya so#im doing more for myself too now though really really dont want life to repeat itself for the nth time#seeing a therapist rn who feels a lot better than my previous ones so im holding out hope#told me to list things i like about myself and i was like uhh how about things i value <3#and she was like no LSDKJF#its so tricky cuz like the things i value i dont even necessarily like about myself#i value honesty but honesty if misdelivered stings and i think ive done that one too many times
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love being here cause i can be free and happy of shit and be oblivious and watch funny people do march ideas and cat photos and cool people showing me characters i have no interest it. its great i love it! its such a great place to relax and im so thankful to this place for teaching me "hey. chill. enjoy yourself. dont let other people force you into things you dont want to do and convince you youre evil for not doing it. maybe shit stucks, but fuck it we ball, and we're all together for this shit in the end"
#ahhh dont mind me ive been on the once have been bird app#itss. very stressful. even though i follow like 16 people#just constant bombard of horrible shit in my face that i have NO POWER OVER is not very fun#ofc reminder that terrible things exist is not fun. but fuck off im young i cant do shit all i can do is laugh at penice and do my homework#likee fuckkk i really feel bad for these people but i have enough shit in my life and im Very much powerless to do anything.#no fuck you im NOT retweeting what makes me feel uncomfortable. feel free to call me a bad person. but angry messages to a random guy-#-is not going to help the victims out. and i choose to not make my space bad for me just for others. fuck off.#me being fucking aware of it doesnt stop anyone from Dying. no it just makes me sad and angsty. and that doesnt fucking help anyone#the internet is a fucking virus if youre not careful man it gets in your brain#im happy i got a chance to disconnect from it all.#hope everyone is just doing well and happy. if not hang in there i believe in you#just a rant sorry. lol not the usual pleafy stuffs. but i just. yeah.#prob delete this at some point.
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i think abt every nice comment and ask ive ever gotten a lot. microdoses of social interaction.
#the bin#i need to talk to ppl more but attempts usually dont go well for so many different reasons :(#i yry and it goes bad and then i get scared to try again and dont try for like 2 years#hhhh. idk. maybe online friendship just isnt for me. i feel like ive gotten better at texting but idk#i used to come across as a weirdo or super boring but i think ive gotten better with both. but ive only talking to a v small amount of ppl#since ive gotten better at that stuff and it didnt go well. maybe im too sensitive. idk. i worry maybe im a bad person if i ghost people who#make me really uncomfortable but i dont think thats actually true. i hope jus need to meet the right people and ive just had bad luck so far#and that im not just incapable of online friendships. idk. ive enjoyed online interactions in the past. i just couldnt make friends bc i#text boring. i just gotta keep trying. i wanna make friends who like stuff i do. i wanna make friends who i can watch a mivie together with#and like chat. online. just make kandi togetehr from miles away. that sounds fun. idk. i dont wanna be lonely like this :(
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trying not to be overly negative about season 2 but GOD the occasional uncomfortable moments i had in dungeons and daddies season 1 are fucking MAGNIFIED in season 2. this shit sucks. like, we get it, you think your weird cishet male experiences from 2002 are universal or what-fucking-ever but treating this weird teen girl vs. teen boy binary as real (even for the sake of comedy) is, like, not fun to listen to lol
#like i get it maybe you were a fucking incel in high school but not all boys are like that and its really fucking tiring to hear about#like. maybe im just oversensitive or some shit but i personally dont find that funny#i find it threatening and dehumanizing!#maybe i want an escapist comedy podcast that DOESNT remind me of how cishet men will see me as some object for them to look at#i get so uncomfortable being in spaces where im the only girl or only not-guy there#because im CONSTANTLY worried the people around me are making me into some fucking manic pixie dream girl#or 'not like other girls' gamer girl#just because i play VIDEO GAMES IN THIS COLLEGE VIDEO GAME CLUB#like. AGH#to anyone who hasnt listened to dungeons and daddies but was maybe thinking about it—dont let this put you off of it!!!#the setting for season 2 is a high school setting and all the player characters are teens/teen archetypes#so this is why it's cropping up right now i think#im gonna give them the benefit of the doubt and hope it gets a little bit fucking better as they settle into a groove in this season#(since as im writing this im only on episode 4)#and anyways season 1 of dungeons and daddies is genuinely the funniest podcast of any genre ive ever listened to. ever.#but i think im just surprised (and maybe shocked and a little hurt by realizing some of these cast members just dont have the#awareness to realize this stuff isnt cute its actually really annoying and is making anyone who's ever been on the receiving end of this#behavior is just. not gonna be having a good time#like theyre absolutely not condoning it—theyre making fun of it! but its still not funny to see EVERY SINGLE MALE CHARACTER thirst after the#girl characters. bc this kinda says a lot about what these hosts think real teen boys act like#when i can assure them their high school experiences (that i know theyve grown out of and regret; and i respect that growth bc it actually#does show) ARE NOT UNIVERSAL!!!!!! NOT FOR TEEN GUYS AND NOT FOR ANY OTHER TEENS. LOL. its just not the default!!!!!!#and THAT is whats making me feel all icky.)#god these tags are a mess#will campos youre my only hoe#he (and beth for the most part) are the only ones not on my shit list about this xjshdfnjkndks#ANYWAYS once again dont let this deter you from the podcast#i just needed to scream about season 2 feeling a little weird so far#dungeons and dads#mine
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────⠀ ⠀FRESH LOVIN' w/ CHRIS.
NOTES .ᐣ ana writing chris ????? its a literal miracle..... yeah hes been lookin a little too good lately... also ive been thinking of this for weeks now so uhh yeah !
WARNINGS .ᐣ p in v. uhhh dirty talk. afab!reader. no protection 🙀. im not great at writing chris i dont think... better at writin matt but i tried.
IT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN AS AROUSING AS IT WAS to see you wearing his merch. chris gives you the pieces you like for free anyway, you're his girlfriend—half of the time you help with the designing process anyway. so he's used to seeing you in.. well, his brand. the sight of 'fresh love' written across your chest is nice, he likes it a lot, but he's used to seeing it when you're with him. you'd told him plenty of times that the hoodies and shirts are super comfortable, so you wore them often.
so that is exactly why he was so confused as to why the sight of you modelling his merch made his dick as hard as it did. it wasn't.. that different. was it? he doesn't get it. maybe it's the professionalism of the photos, or just how official it all is. that's his girlfriend wearing his brand. no one else's��just his. a funny feeling fizzes in his abdomen, a warm feeling flooding his chest. both of those things at the instance he sees your pretty body wearing something he created.
his baby wearing his baby—that kind of thing. its corny, sure, but still. it made his head all murky and fuzzy, and his jeans tighten around him so uncomfortably it was impossible to ignore it. being at the photoshoot was a fucking nightmare, let alone seeing the photos all over instagram. people loved the photos, of course they did, you looked really good in them, and yeah, he loved them a lot too. which was why it was agony going on any social to find the exact thing that gives him a raging hard-on.
it was merely a coincidence that you'd walked in wearing merely a fresh love shirt and not much else. he lets out a low groan at the sight of you, his tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip for a moment with his eyes raking up and down your figure. matt and nick weren't in, the entire reason you were wearing so little, so.. it wouldn't be completely wrong of him to have you bent over the couch due to your little get up, right? he's hoping so, since that's the only thing clouding his brain right now.
"actin' like you're not just as bad as me," he mutters, scoffing in return as you'd done previously. "actin' like your panties ain't soaked."
"you're starin'," he glances up at your words, his blue eyes wide and surprised for a moment before a smirk flits at his plush lips. yeah, of course he's staring. your nipples are hard beneath the cotton of the shirt, poking out a little and drawing his attention directly to them. soon, his eyes drop down to the curve of your ass beneath your underwear. slowly, he slides his hand down to adjust himself over his sweats with a quiet grunt.
"can you blame a guy?" chris murmurs, biting his tongue for a minute before he looks you up and down. "bein' such a fuckin' tease walkin' 'round like that," you scoff at his words, a soft smile playing on your own lips. a tilt of your head, and you're looking him up and down too. he looks good, he always does, but he does look really good. folding your arms beneath your chest, you lean against the kitchen island. "we both know you're soaked, baby." his words are practically a growl.
"you ain't got any proof," you grumble, feeling a surge of heat pool between your legs despite your own words. he wasn't wrong, you know, and he knows that too. all you wanted was to make something to eat, albeit wearing the least amount of clothing possible, but sure.
his smirk widens, "no? do you want me to check?" he knows you're wet, he can see it. from the way your thighs press together and how you're a little stiff whilst wandering around. all tell tale signs that you're just as horny as he is. "you're drippin', baby. don't even try to pretend with me," chris is quiet for a moment, before he pushes up off of the couch slowly. his eyes rake over your frame, and it only makes you feel more flustered in a way.
"don't gotta check 'cause i ain't wet," you mumble immediately, your skin warming up. you're lying through your teeth right now, and chris knows it. he knows you better than literally anyone, even if you don't want to admit it. trying to focus your mind on anything other than well, that, you turn away to open up the fridge and get something to eat. chris is making his way over, eventually standing in the doorway with his arms folded across his chest.
chris chuckles quietly, a low and rich sound. wandering a little closer to you, he stops right behind you with a click of his tongue. you shiver almost immediately when his hand slides over your side, skimming towards the swell of your chest. "liar," he murmurs, letting his nose trail along the skin of your neck lazily as he draws you a little closer to him. "you're always drenched for me, just as much of a mess as i am."
your eyes flutter over to him for a second before you swallow hard, "ain't a liar," you insist, head tilting to the side a little bit at the feel of his head by the crook of your neck. but back to the food, you tried to will yourself, as you bent over to grab a cutting board from a lower drawer. "yeah, can feel you pokin' my thigh with that ragin' hard-on of yours." chris scoffs at that, corners of his lips flitting up at the corners in a lazy smirk.
"s'not exactly a trade secret, is it?" chris mumbles with soft amusement, leaving gentle, warm kisses over the skin of your neck. his hands roaming gently over you doesn't stop him from pulling you back into him. he presses up against you as you're bent over, slowly rocking his hips up against you with a small, strained noise escaping him.
"you feel what you do to me, princess?" was pretty hard not to.
a soft gasp followed by a soft moan escapes you, "chris—" and you grasp at the drawer to keep yourself steady. a shaky breath slips past your lips and you feel it soon hitch in your throat. "don't," in the kitchen? matt and nick could walk in at any moment, you knew, but chris seemed like he didn't care at all, actually.
"don't what, baby?" he coos, taking a breath as he slowly alides his hands down to your hips. at the same time, his own hips grind enticingly into your ass, his aching erection pushing up against you. he needed you so bad. there, in the middle of the kitchen, he shamelessly grinds up against you. "don't what? don't touch you, don't make you feel good, don't love you?"
you let out this pretty moan, folding your arms beneath you to lean up against the counter. "no, no, no—mmh," you wanted him to keep going, you knew he'd make you feel good, he always did. made it his mission, actually. chris grind at your words, head tilting to the side a little bit now. "keep goin', please," well, you don't have to ask him twice, he'd do anything you asked of him.
"mhm.." chris hums quietly, considering whether he should take off the shirt so he can get his hands all over you before he decides not to. the shirt's the appeal, seeing you wearing something he made. fucking you in something he made. "keepin' this on," he adds, letting you know what was going on in his head.
as much as he'd usually keep you waiting, he was far too pent up to do so now. he lets go of your hips momentarily, his free hand moving to his sweats already hanging low on his hips to push them down a little bit to free his cock. a groan escapes him at being exposed, and he shuts his eyes for a minute when he wraps his hand around at the base and gives himself a languid stroke. he could get off right here at the sight of your ass clad in pretty panties pushed up against him like that, but the warmth of your cunt was a safety he couldn't deny.
"probably soaked all the way through these panties of yours, huh?" at the sound you let out, he smiles a little more, his hand slipping inside your panties almost immediately to test his theory. his fingers slowly start to brush against your clit, feeling how slick you are from just his words alone. "told you," you're sopping wet, and he loves it. his head tilts to the side a little, and he applies a little more pressure before gliding his fingers through your slick folds. biting his bottom lip at your sounds, he groans.
"chris, shit," you mewl softly, hips slowly bucking up towards his fingers as he pushed them up against you. he lets his thumb brush against your entrance, gliding over it easily before he glances back over at you. "that's it, let me feel you," for a few long moments, he makes tight circles over your bundle of nerves before his impatience gets the best of him. "feels so good—"
"i know, mmh, gotta feel you, baby," he tells you, tugging down your panties in a swift movement. you gasp quietly at the cold air hitting against your warm folds, and secondly at the feel of his cock pushing against your entrance. he's gentle, always is, his free hand moving to hold you steady at your hip. "you alright?"
you swallow hard, trying to figure out a way to say it without sounding desperate as all hell. "uh, yeah, yeah," you nod, shifting your hips back against him to feel him properly. a laugh escapes chris, and he hums, slowly easing himself inside you with a little buck of his hips. his hand moves to join his other one at your hips and he groans gutterly, eyes squeezing shut. "so fuckin' tight, baby."
"holy shit," you're clenching on him like a damn vice already, a moan escaping you as well in a similar fashion to chris'. he takes his time with it, lifting his hand from your hip to place it on the kitchen counter and grasp at it to keep him steady. he soon enough buries inside you to the hilt, hands roaming over your hips and ass, occasionally squeezing as he looks you up and down.
"such a dirty little thing, aren't you?" slowly, he shifts his hips back so just his throbbing tip is inside you, before he snaps his hips forward again so he's back to where he was moments prior. the sounds you let out practically have him coming right there, but he's got enough restraint to hold on for maybe a few minutes more. "lettin' me fuck you in the kitchen against the counter, knowin' anyone could walk in."
his words barely register to you with how he thrusts in and out of you, practically molding your insides to fit him, taking him so good like you do every damn time. "chris, mmh—! feels so.. ah, shit—!" your tits bounce beneath the fresh love shirt, drawing his eyes there almost immediately. he moves his free hand to cup your chest, thumbs circling over your hardened nipples and pinching momentarily.
"can't even think straight, can you? too busy thinkin' 'bout my cock, mmh.. i know it feels good, baby, feels right," chris keeps up the pace of his thrusts, practically pounding you up against the counter. "feels so, fuckin', good," he punctuates each of his words with a sharp buck of his hips, but making sure that you didn't hurt yourself in any way and holding you up.
"can't.. think straight," you agree breathily, practically panting with every push of his hips and feel of your pussy tightening around him. you shut your eyes, lashes fluttering as you practically squeal around him. "can't think straight, that's right. just focused on makin' a mess on my cock," and making a mess you were, feeling that burst of pleasure as he brought you over the edge.
soon, he got there too, the movements of his hips stuttering as he let out out a low sound, finally coming to a stop once he'd stuffed you full of his cum. "did so good for me," he murmurs. eyes darting up to yours when he managed to coax your eyes open with his hand. "did perfect.."
"yeah?" you ask, voice all airy and breathless. you feel so warm and fuzzy, a bliss washing over you. with a soft sound, you relax against the counter with his help and the feel of him easing out of you. his eyes dart down to his release leaking out of your hole, and he hums quietly, letting his hand trail back down and circle his thumb around the mess he'd made for a moment.
"and i thought you were hungry, baby."
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#𐙚˙ ana writes ⋆.˚#chris sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo
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