#i really dont care this piece but its been sitting for awhile so might as well finish and post

[foxgod]

❤️ 𝐻𝑒𝒶𝓋𝑒𝓃'𝓈 𝒩𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 ⭐

[yikesharringrove]

after star court Steves head trauma was severe enough where he got diagnosed with epilepsy and has minor seizures n gets confused easily, his parents dont care or bother to come home and help him so its mostly robin

I want to send all my love and thanks to @elysiumwaits and @a-bit-of-trash for all their help with this piece! 💕💕💕

Read on Ao3

-

The first time Robin noticed it, Steve was helping a customer at Family Video. 

He was in the middle of a sentence, i the middle of a transaction behind the register when his eyes drifted up towards the ceiling and his voice trailed off. His jaw shifted around and he chewed on his tongue.

It was like he was completely vacant.

It lasted a few seconds, and he snapped back in, finishing his sentence and continuing the transaction like nothing happened.

The customer stared questioningly at Robin, and she smiled tightly at her, waving as she threw Steve one last confused look and turned to leave.

“Uh, Steve?” Steve looked over his shoulder to her, humming in question. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“You, like, kinda went blank there. Like stopped talking for awhile and just. I don’t know, it was weird.” He furrowed his brows.

“What?”

“Yeah. You just kinda. I don’t even know how to describe it.” She was beginning to get nervous, if Steve just blacked out or something, and had no idea he did it, that can’t be good. “Has that happened before?”

“I have no idea. I mean, I didn’t even know it happened just now.” His voice was doing that thing it does before he gets in over his head. His pitch gets higher and his voice waivers a bit and his eyes go wide, and usually, this display ends with a panic attack.

“Hey, heyheyheyhey, hey. I’m sure it’s okay.” She tried to smile at him. She really isn’t sure it’s okay. But she can’t let him think his blank-out scared her.

-

The next time she saw it, she was sitting across from him on his couch, both their backs against either armrest, her feet in Steve’s lap.

Steve was in the middle of a story about Dustin, something silly he did earlier that day.

When his eyes fluttered. He stopped speaking mid-sentence again, his eyes fluttering oddly, his jaw working once again.

It was only a few seconds when he snapped back, picking up his story right where he left off.

“Steve, it happened again.”

Steve’s face fell.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. You stopped talking and kinda went blank. Just the same as last time.” She kept her voice even, didn’t want to scare him. But he began chewing on his bottom lip, his brows furrowing.

“I didn’t even know. I don’t know they’re happening. Do you think they happen often? And I just have no fucking idea?”

“I really don’t know, Steve.” And maybe her misstep was the lack of a condescending but endearing nickname.

Because Steve looked about a second from bursting into tears.

“Should I, like, go to the doctor? I mean, I’ve had a lot of concussions these past few years. It could be, like, my brain slowly turning to Jell-o.”

“Or maybe it’s nothing!” She said quickly. “If you decide to go to the doctor, I’ll come with you.”

-

It happened three times in the waiting room of the doctor’s office.

Each time like the last, a few seconds of Steve blanking out and his mind going elsewhere.

It was beginning to really fucking scare Robin. He already wasn’t the brightest, and now he has these lapses, these momentary blank outs that were beginning to take more of a toll.

He was having several a day that she knew of, and by the evening, Steve was sapped of all his energy, and so fucking confused, he would lose his train of thought before it even left the station.

“Alright, Mr. Harrington. What brings you in today?” Doctor Owens let himself into the room, taking a seat at the stool next to the examination.  table Steve was perched on.

“Uh, my doctor referred me. I’m having some, like, issues, I guess.” He looked expectantly at Robin. She sighed through her nose.

“He has lapses. He could be in the middle of a sentence, and he’ll stop speaking. Usually his eyes will drift and after a few seconds, he’s back.”

Doctor Owens was nodding at her seriously.

“Alright Steven. Do you black out for these episodes? Lose time?”

“I don’t even notice they’ve happened.”

“And anything else with them? Headaches? Confusion?”

“He gets confused if he’s had several in a day. I was with him one evening when he had five and by the time we fell asleep he wasn’t speaking clearly and couldn’t remember some things.”

Owens too a deep breath.

“I’d like to run some testing. It sounds like you’re experiencing minor seizures.”

Steve gawked at him.

“Seizures? But I mean, I haven’t been, like, it’s just a little, a little, brain glitch.”

“There are many different forms of seizures. And some can result in, confusion, black outs, and momentary lapses. They’re called absence seizures. And it sounds like, the number you’ve been having is indicative of epilepsy, but I’d like to run some more tests before saying one way or another.” He drummed briefly on the examination table, smiling and nodding at Robin before letting himself back out of the room.

Steve was staring at the wall in front of him.

“Seizures. Epilepsy.”

“Hey,” Robin leaned forward in her chair, placing one hand on his forearm. “At least it’s an answer. Diagnoses bring treatment.”

He gave her those big round puppy dog eyes that always made her heart break a little bit.

“Robin, I’m scared.”

It was barely a whisper, and Steve’s hands closed into shaking fists, clenching the fabric of his flimsy gown.

“I know. I know it’s scary. But I’m here, right? And we’ve dealt with a lot scarier than your brain electricity.”

He nodded at her shakily.

Doctor Owens returned then.

“Alright, Steven. We’re going to schedule you in for tomorrow for an EEG, a simple test to measure brain activity. It’ll give us a great view of what is happening in that head ‘a yours. Frankly, it’d be great if you had an event while doing the test. But, we’ll just see what’s going on in there, and figure out how to help you. That sound alright?”

“Uh, yes, Doctor. Thank you.”

-

The phone was ringing loudly by the time Steve pushed open the front door.

He had been quiet as Robin drove him home, and he had another small seizure in the car.

He picked up the phone, and she placed one hand gently on the small of his back as she passed by him into the kitchen.

“Hey, Dad.”

Robin sighed. This was the last thing they needed today. A call from Steve’s asshole father.

“Yeah, I had to use the credit card at the doctor. I’m having some testing done. No, not, Dad just listen. I might have epilepsy.” Steve’s voice cracked when he said epilepsy. He went quiet. Robin chewed on her bottom lip. “Just put Mom on, please.”

Robin was standing just on the other side of the doorway, listening intently. Steve always just assumed she was eavesdropping on his conversations.

“Hi, Mom. Yeah, the doctor said it could be epilepsy. I mean, I have like, a bunch of seizures. Been having them for months now. And I’m just- I mean, can you,” he went silent, no doubt listening to his mother speak.

It was a few minutes of silence before he spoke again.

And dear God, she really thought she was gonna fucking cry.

“Mom, can you please just come home? I have a big test tomorrow and I’m. I’m just scared. And I want my mom.”

And then more silence. And Steve sniffed.

“Yeah, no, uh, it’s okay. No really, Mom. I’m okay. I’ll be-enjoy the rest of your trip.” There was a click as he set the phone down on the receiver.

She waited for him to show around the wall, let him take a moment to himself.

He slunk around the divider, not meeting Robin’s gaze.

“I assume-”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” she cut him off quickly.

“Thanks.”

And they didn’t.

They didn’t talk about the looming appointment the next day, the hours of testing Steve was going to have to sit through.

They didn’t talk about the way his mom didn’t bother to even pretend she would come to support him through his nerves.

They talked about shit that didn’t matter- awful costumers at Family Video, Keith repeatedly asking robin out and never getting the hint she wasn’t into him, they even unpacked the entirety of the Star Wars trilogy, as Steve fell asleep nearly every time they tried to watch it.

Steve hugged her tight before she drove herself home in her mom’s old station wagon. He did that thing he does where he buries his face into her shoulder and takes a real big breath and kinda seems like Robin’s the only thing keeping him together, kissing the top of her head once before she pulled away.

He woke up groggy, a spot of drool on his pillow. The phone was blaring on his nightstand, and he barely rolled over to slam it against his ear.

“‘ello?”

“Steve, oh my God. I’m so so sorry,” Robin babbled into the receiver, barely breathing as she hurled her words at him. “I got called in to cover for Amanda today, and Keith said he’s called everyone, and if I can’t work today, he’s gonna call you, and you can’t miss the test, but I feel like such shit, I promised I’d come with you, and with your mom not coming in, I said I’d drive you, and now I can’t, and Steve, I’m so sorry-” she sounded frantic, almost like she was close to tears.

“Rob, hey, it’s alright.” It wasn’t. Not really, but he understands. And he’s a grown up, after all. He can go to the doctor by himself. “It’s okay. Just come over tonight if you want to.”

“Yes, yes, I’ll be over right after I get off. Maybe Amanda can come relieve me or something. I’m so sorry.”

She sounded sorry. She sounded absolutely miserable.

“Rob, honest, no hard feelings. I can just go. I’ll be okay. See you after.”

“I’ll bring dinner! Or, or snacks, and I can bring a few movies with me afterwards-”

“That sounds great. Look, I gotta go take a shower and get ready. I’ll just, I’ll see you later. After the-the thing.”

“Yes! Yeah, Steve, really I’m so so sorry.”

“I know. Don’t worry. I’ll see you later, Rob. Love you.” He scrubbed a hand down his face, melting further back into his pillows.

“I’ll be there! And I love you a whole lot, okay?”

“Yeah. I know. It’s really okay. I promise.”

He didn’t let her get another word in, slapping the phone back onto the hook.

Really, he had no hard feelings. It’s not worth it to be mad at her for this. He just doesn’t want to sit on the phone with her while she apologizes some more

It just fucking sucks.

He’s fairly certain he had a seizure in the shower. He doesn’t totally know when he has them, but he’s beginning to recognize the time passing, the way he just feels tired after.

He took his sweet time getting ready, dreading the impeding appointment and all the testing, making sure to wear comfortable clothes, hoping they wouldn’t make him swap out his soft crew neck sweatshirt for a flimsy hospital gown while he sat through everything that was about to happen.

And only when he got outside did it really hit him that Robin won’t be going with him.

Owens said to avoid driving until they could find out more about his episodes. Find an epicenter and maybe a trigger. It’s dangerous as all hell to have him blanking out on the road. Which is something Robin suggested in that overly calm voice of hers when the seizures started getting more frequent.

Robin’s been driving him everywhere the past few weeks. And she was going to pick him up for the appointment.

Fuck.

He has no one to call.

Well, he could call someone, but that would take all the energy of explaining all the shit he hasn’t told anyone yet about his issues, and that’s a can of worms he doesn’t feel ready for on a Thursday morning.

Claudia would only ask more questions than he had answers, and he doesn’t think he could stand seeing that sad look Nancy’s always got on her face when she sees him nowadays.

And he doesn’t think things won’t be awkward between him and Jonathan.

Okay.

Looks like he’s gonna drive himself.

He actually buckled himself in, something he almost never did, and took everything as slowly as possible, creeping down his neighborhood at an almost comical pace.

If he has a seizure, and blanks out for a few seconds, he wants to be able to mitigate any damage. Either stop himself from going too far in the first place, or give others enough time to move out of the way from his slow moving death machine.

His grip was so tight on the steering wheel his knuckles were white, hands clammy and no doubt shaking.

“Just breathe, Stevie. You’re doing just fine. Plenty of time to get there.” He hadn’t turned on the radio, wanted to keep a laser focus on the road. “You’re not going to blank out, and you’re not going to hurt anyone.”

He kept up that monologue as he made the slowest left-turn possible onto the road that led into town.

He had the overwhelming urge to bounce his leg, trying to keep himself still and focused.

And the next thing he knows, he’s idling at a stop sign with the Chief of Police knocking on his window.

Fuck.

At least he didn’t hurt anyone, or crash his car horribly.

He cranked down the window, giving Hop as much of a smile as he could muster.

“Kid, what the fuck? I’ve been tapping on that window for a full minute. You were just, sittin’ there.”

Shit. He’s gonna have to come clean.

“I, uh, I’m actually going to an appointment. With Owens.” Hopper just continued staring at him, his face gruff, his brows drawn. “I got some. Brain stuff.”

And then Hopper’s face fell.

“Shit, why didn’t you let any of us know?”

“Because, well, they don’t know what it is yet, but I, uh, I’ve been having, like, seizures,” Steve could feel it, the lump rising in his throat he’s been ignoring since yesterday, the nerves and sadness and confusion all welling up. “And Owens is gonna run some tests because he thinks I have epilepsy now, from being tortured, and I don’t know what’s happening to me, but it’s like I can’t even control my own stupid brain, and I’m so fucking scared, and-”

This is fucking mortifying.

Sitting in his car, crying, in front of Hopper.

Who looked like he had no idea what the fuck to do.

“Okay, uh, just take some deep breaths, okay? Why don’t you, uh, go get in my truck, and I’ll take you to the appointment. I can leave your car parked over there,” he pointed at the side of the road beyond the stop sign. “You don’t seem in much shape to be drivin’.”

“Sorry, I’m not-not supposed to, but I had no one to call-”

“Hey, I hope you now that’s not true.” Hopper reached through the window to place a firm hand on Steve’s shoulder. “I’ll take you, and I’ll drive you on home after.” And he opened up the door, and Steve nearly got tangled in the seat belt as he tried to step out of the car. “Shit, you weren’t kidding.”

And Steve felt like a fucking child as Hop reached over him to unbuckle him, and actually help him out of the car.

He finally noticed the truck parked behind his car, and got himself tucked into the passenger seat as Hopper moved the beamer to the spot he indicated, double checking he locked it before jogging back to the truck.

The ride was silent all the way to the hospital, Steve tying his fingers up in knots and trying not to throw up.

Hopper didn’t just drop him off, he actually walked with Steve into the building, escorted him all the way to the exam room.

He sat in the chair Robin usually occupied, settling his hat on his knee.

Wait, he’s fucking on duty.

“You don’t have to stay. I could, like, call the station when I’m finished here.”

“I’ve got nowhere to be. Not a lotta shit goes down in this town on the off-season.” He smiled grimly at Steve, who just nodded blankly.

And Owens took that time to break the awkward quiet between them, opening the door with Steve’s file tucked under his arm.

“Steven! Good to see you again. Let’s get into that head of yours, shall we?” He shook hands with Hop, turning back to Steve with a grin that was probably meant to be jovial and endearing. “Sorry to see that girlfriend of yours won’t be joining us today. Trouble in paradise?”

“We’re just friends. And she’s working.” His voice felt heavy, like it took effort just to make himself speak.

“Doc, for my own sake, Harrington here hasn’t quite gotten me up to speed with the testing today.”

There was a short rap on the door, and a few nurses entered the room, bringing a rolling metal tray with a few tubes and a long syringe, and a large machine, wires spilling out the side.

Steve barely reacted as they took his blood, pressing his shoulders gently to coax him into a supine position, relaxing against the exam table.

“We’re going to begin with an E.E.G., or, an electroencephalography.”

Something sparked in Hopper’s eyes.

“That’s what Will had, right? To monitor brain activity, or what have you.”

“Exactly. We use them to understand and diagnose seizure disorders. Steven’ll be here for about an hour or so.” He washed his hands quickly at the sink in the corner, turning back to Steve and looking at him pensively. It made Steve feel oddly self-conscious. “It’s completely painless.” He smiled weakly at Steve, maybe misjudging his general discomfort at being looked at for prolonged periods of time as fear.

Which sure, he’s got some real fear surrounding this test, but not the test itself. He’s more dreading the follow-up appointment he’s gonna have to have for his results to be read and explained. If he’s got epilepsy, or not. If this is what the rest of his life is gonna look like, or not. If he can drive or go to college. If it’ll all just get worse.

One of the nurses, the one with a nice round face that had taken his blood a few moments ago, was marking out spots on his head, along his hairline.

And before he knew it, small sticky pads were being stuck to him, one on each spot she had marked out, and more dotting back through his hair, the nurse smoothing it down and parting it awkwardly in many places to get the little pads as close to his scalp as possible.

“Alright. You ready, Steven?” Owens didn’t wait for a response before he began fiddling with the large machine, bringing it to life.

It was kind of like what Steve saw in a video once about seismographs. A little arm scratching out tremors in the Earth on a sliding sheet of paper.

Only this one was detecting tremors in his brain. Tremors and errors and everything that was going wrong in there.

“So, Chief. What brings you in here with Steven today?”

Steve wanted to tell Owens just to call him Steve, but he kinda feels like it’s past the point of when he should’ve corrected him, and now, it’d be kinda weird.

“Drivin’ the kid in. Can’t have him crashing his car. I think the last thing his head needs is another bonk.”

It made Steve smile, nearly made him laugh as the machine scratched away beside him.

“Good to see you’ve taken my advice.”

“Robin drives me almost everywhere. We work the same shifts and she picks me up after school. It works pretty okay.” The whirring of the machine kinda made Steve want to fall asleep.

“Your parents don’t drive you?” Hopper looked a little too interested. Steve tried to play it cool.

“My dad works quite a lot.” Hopper tightened his jaw and Steve kinda felt like a little kid again. “He, uh, travels for work a lot. And my mom likes to go.”

It was like the air in the room totally went cold.

“Kid, do they even know you’re here today?”

“Yes! I called them last night. Pretty much begged my mom to fly in but she-”

And it was the first Owens had seen one of Steve’s seizures for himself.

He cut off mid sentence, his eyes, that had just been wide and clear a second before, went blank, and dim, nearly rolling back in his head. The E.E.G. noted the seizure, tracking brainwaves that were even more abnormal than had been presented already. His jaw worked as though he was trying to speak, and as quickly as it happened, Steve seemed to snap back into himself.

So, maybe emotional duress? Stress? That should definitely be examined as a possible trigger.

Owens scribbled that down on Steve’s chart as Steve shook himself, smiling benignly at Hopper.

“Sorry. Uh, lost my train of thought, there.”

And maybe Hop was able to see that talking about Steve’s family could bring on another, or maybe he just got scared of watching Steve have a seizure and decided to walk on eggshells, but he just smiled back. Brought up a story about Eleven from earlier in the week. How the two of them had played a game of Monopoly that lasted nearly six hours and had both of them close to tears by the end of it.

The test was okay by Steve’s standards. Pretty easy on his end. All he had to do was lay back and let the machine do work. He’s pretty sure he had an episode or two, based on the way Hopper would go all pale and look at Steve like he was sorry for him.

Hopper had to step out near the middle of the test to make a phone call, Steve figured to the station to let them know he was otherwise occupied, or something like that. Or at least, that’s what Steve hoped, and not that Hopper was putting calls in to his father’s work and getting in touch with him via his secretary, or something awful like that.

He’d rather not have the Chief of Police call his parents from the hospital to scold them for not accompanying Steve to his Big Scary Medical Test.

He felt about ready to fall asleep when the machine was finally turned off and nurse returned, removing all the sticky pads as gently as possible from his head.

Owens looked over the paper carefully, folding along the perforations and clipping it against Steve’s chart.

“So, Steven, can we see you a few days from now to go over these results?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Go ahead and schedule that with the front desk,” he finished in the doorway, giving Hop a curt wave and swishing off to something else.

“You ready to be home, kid?”

“Fuckin’ absolutely.”

That made Hop huff something close to a laugh, and he kinda fluttered about while Steve stood up from the examination table, like he wanted to help Steve up, help him manoeuvre around.

Steve went through all the typical stuff at the front desk, handing over his father’s credit card along with their insurance information, scheduling another appointment three days from then.

He was tired, and just felt so fucking awkward that Hopper had been here to witness Steve’s prolonged physical breakdown.

Hopper led him out of the hospital and back to the truck, driving him home with the radio playing quietly. Steve stared out the window, watching raindrops sprinkle onto the car and rush down the window.

They passed Steve’s car a few blocks away from his house, and by the time they pulled up, Steve was almost too tired to notice another car parked in front of his house.

But he couldn’t ignore Joyce’s tight hug when he made it to his porch, and suddenly Hopper’s phone call made sense.

Will was standing behind her like a shadow, holding a baking dish and three clear glass bowls, all stacked up and covered in tin foil.

They brought him dinner.

It kinda made Steve wanna cry.

He fumbled with his keys letting them all inside, tugging awkwardly at the sleeves of his sweatshirt as he led Joyce to the kitchen.

Hop grunted something about walking to get Steve’s car, easing the keys out of his hands and taking off down the road.

“Steve, Honey, why don’t you just take a seat. We’ve got this.” She smiled and pushed him softly towards the kitchen table.

And he really wanted to help her heat everything up. For fuck sake’s she brought him dinner, he wants to do something, but he’s so goddamn tired.

He sat down slowly, tucking his left leg up under him as he watched Joyce and Will in his kitchen.

They set the dishes to heat up slowly in the oven, going through cabinets to find dishes and flatware to set the table.

Steve’s family almost never ate in the kitchen.

When his parents were home, they almost always sat together in the formal dining room, eating in stilted silence before heading their separate ways.

It was kinda nice, hearing the two of them talk softly to one another, letting Steve just kinda zone out a little bit, tracing the wood grain of the table with the pads of his fingers.

Until his front door creaked open in a way that only Robin could make happen, and he was being hugged tightly from behind.

“Steve, I came as soon as I could. I’m so so sorry I couldn’t come. How was the test? Did they tell you anything yet? Keith was being such an ass today, I almost punched him right in the-” She cut herself off when she noticed the Byers standing near the oven, still clinging onto Steve from behind. “Uh, hi. Sorry,” she stammered. She didn’t do well being taken off guard. Steve sometimes thought it was kinda funny.

“Hi, Sweetheart. Let me just set you a place for dinner. Hop’s moving Steve’s car, he’ll be back in a second and this should be hot enough to eat.”

Robin finally relinquished Steve, keeping one hand on his shoulder that Steve covered with his own.

“Oh, uh, that’s okay. I just wanted to check on Steve, I don’t wanna intrude-”

Joyce waved her hand, shaking her head.

“We invited ourselves into his home. As long as Steve says it’s okay, you’re more than welcome. There’s plenty.”

“Steve looked up at Robin, pretending to think it over.

“I don’t know,” he sighed dramatically. “I don’t really like you, so I don’t want you to stay.” He scrunched up his face when she hit his shoulder. “Take a seat, Buck.”

They could hear heavy footsteps in the hall, the door being closed quietly behind Hopper, and the jingle of Steve’s keys being deposited in the glass bowl on the small sidetable next to the door.

Robin stood to help Joyce and Will bring all the dishes over to the table, and fuck, Steve’s hungry. He hasn’t eaten all day since most of it was spent feeling like he could throw up his spleen.

But Joyce had brought a rich lasagna, and the creamiest mashed potatoes Steve has ever tasted, and these fucking string beans that were so good and crisp, Steve must’ve demolished half the container of them. 

Conversation was kept light and nice, and Steve figured Hopper had filled Joyce in on the nitty-gritty of the test and everything to do with what Steve has been not so subtly hiding from everyone but Robin.

It was still nice to let the sleeping dog lie, even if Steve did find himself no doubt post-seizure with his hand sloppily in his mashed potatoes and everyone staring at him.

And after finishing two of the brownies Joyce had brought, Steve was struck with such a huge wall of tired, it was like he could barely even keep his eyes open.

“Well, we should take our leave.” Joyce leaned back in her chair, Will looking just as sleepy as Steve felt.

“Seriously, Mrs. B. Thank you so much for this. So much.” Steve didn’t even have the words in him to explain his gratitude, but sometimes he thinks Joyce has the ability to read his mind, so it works out.

She just squeezed him in another tight hug, Will following with one of his own before Robin walked them to the door.

“You call if you need anything, okay? Even if it’s just some company. El’s been on this real Miami Vice kick, she’ll talk to anyone that’ll listen about that damn show.”

It made Steve nearly laugh, picturing El sitting in front of the television, watching Miami Vice with as much determination as she does everything.

“Thank you, Hop. Today probably would’ve been a lot more shit if you hadn’t’ve seen my car.”

“Anytime, Kid. And quit tryna hide that shit. We’ve all been fucked up by what happened. Doesn’t mean you’re broke or somethin’.”

And Steve really fucking doesn’t wanna cry anymore today.

He blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay, Hopper doing him a solid and studying his own watch.

“Alright, my little twerp’s been at the Wheeler’s all day. I gotta pick her up. Take it easy, alright?”

“Yes, Sir.” Steve gave him a lazily sarcastic salute.

Hopper rolled his eyes, putting his hat back on.

Steve slunk to the couch as Robin locked up behind the chief, flopping down near his feet.

“I brought Raiders of the Lost Ark as an apology gift.”

“I’m gonna make you watch it a million times.”

Robin slapped his leg, a gesture that was immediately undercut by her draping a soft blanket delicately over him.

“Marion Ravenwood is hot enough I stay invested.”

She sat back down after putting in the tape.

“So, how was it today?” Her voice was way too casual.

“It was okay. Test was fine enough, and hanging out with everyone was good.”

“Are you, like, gonna maybe reach out to them more? Because, you know, they know now.”

Steve chewed on the inside of his cheek, tugging at a loose thread in the blanket.

“Probably. Not that you don’t do a lot for me, but, uh, it was kinda nice to have grown ups around.”

“You know I’d do anything for you, but I think it was kinda nice too. Especially-” She cut herself off, letting the especially since your mom couldn’t be bothered to show up hang in the air between them.

The opening trailers had begun on the rented tape, and Steve closed his eyes, snuggling deeper into the couch.

“Thanks, Rob. Love you.”

“Yeah, Dingus. Love you too.”

[runwithwolvcs]

You Know I’m No Good - o n e

Summary: Tallulah Forester isn’t a bad person, she’s just made one too many bad decisions. Which is why she has now found herself four hours away from her home in Seattle, to her estranged fathers little home in La Push, with her stepmom and two half sisters, whom she has only been with a couple of times in the past 15 years. Her mother and father had agreed, shockingly, that the small town lifestyle would be beneficial to their wild child, but bad habits die hard, especially when it comes to being in control.

Timeline: Takes place a few years after the events of Breaking Dawn

Pairing: Paul Lahote x OC (Tallulah is 18)

Warnings (future chapters): Drugs/Alcohol, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Jealousy, Mental Health, (Mentions of SA, but no details)

There are losses that rearrange the world. Deaths that change the way you see everything, grief that tears everything down. Pain that transports you to an entirely different universe, even while everyone else thinks nothing has really changed.

Tallulah stared out the window in the back seat with her knees tucked up to her chest, arms wrapped around them tightly as her father drawled on, switching from topic to topic, your sisters and Kira are so excited your coming to we’ve already enrolled you at the school to do you remember this person or that person? Anything to fill the silence from creating a  suffocating atmosphere in the car. It all sounded like white noise to her, she barely remembered La Push. 

She moved to Seattle with her mother when she was six and the two of them never looked back, whenever she would see her father or half-sisters, they would meet halfway in Port Angeles and then head their separate ways. It was easier that way for everyone involved. 

Josette and Lenna, her half-sisters, were ten the last time she spent any actual memory inducing time with them. Although they are only two years younger than her, they were so different. So in tune with the tribe, whereas she barely knew anything about the histories. She doubted anything would have changed in that respect.

Tallulah's headaches from her hangover, or maybe lack of sleep, she thought, and as she laid her head against the window she listened to the sound of passing cars and her dad's voice as she slipped into a dreamless sleep.

--------

Tallulah awoke to the sound of the car door shutting and a nearby dog barking, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, grateful her headache was gone, but now in its place was a lump in her throat, as she looked around her surroundings outside of the car. The little blue house she vaguely remembers. The tire swings in the old oak tree. A woman's laugh caught her attention, as she looked to see her dad and stepmom, chatting away, happier than ever. Tallulah felt so out of place. Like she was an intruder coming in to ruin her fathers happy, little family with her black cloud of disappointment. 

Tallulah groaned to herself as she unbuckled herself, might as well get this over with, she thought to herself while opening the car door and slowly stepping out, stretching as she did. She could feel the two adults eyes on her as she shut the door gently, looking towards them, Kiras big smile, that if she didn’t know better would look insincere, but she did know. Her stepmom was a tryhard, doing anything and everything to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother and stepmother, no matter how hard Tallulah pushed against her kind persona. She was the reason her family was in pieces. Kira and her father were no doubt in love, even when her parents were still together, they never looked at each other the way she sees her father looks at Kira and vice versa, like they are each other's reasons for being. She moves, he moves. Tallulah nearly physically cringes. It's not something she ever wants for herself, that fairy tale love.

She walks toward them slowly, Kira meeting her halfway, wrapping her arms in a bear crushing hug that she doesn’t reciprocate, looking past her at her father who has that ‘be nice’ look on his face, and clearly, she was in no place to fight that. She couldn’t help but think, if this doesn't work out the way her parents think it will, where is the next place she would be shipped off to? 

Kiras' soft, sweet voice shakes her from her thoughts, “it's so nice to see you again. Your hair has gotten so long.” Tallulah raises an eyebrow before stating, “I've cut it a few times since I saw you last.” Kira laughs off the dig, before walking towards her father and saying, “the twins are out, we’d figured you'd be better off getting settled without a full house.” Tallulah nodded in response as her father spoke up for the first time since arriving, “besides, we have some things to discuss. Expectations and what not,” 

Tallulah eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Rules? I’m eighteen. I don’t need to have any rules.” Her arms crossed over chest, as if she were a child. 

“If you think that you will be continuing your..extracurricular activities that you have picked up in Seattle, you are wrongly mistaken” he says in what she assumes is his fatherly tone that works on the twins, but not her, he gave up that right fifteen years ago. “Your mother has filled us in on everything, Tally” She rolls her eyes at this, as if she knows everything, she thought to herself.

Kira stood up on the porch, just inside the doorway, “Joseph, let her settle in, we can have this conversation tomorrow, after the bonfire.” she said in ‘dont fight me in this tone’, to which Tallulah appreciated, yet was confused, “Bonfire?” she asked, as she made her way up the steps of the house leaving her dad to bring in her few bags, “The tribe bonfire party happens once a month, the girls love it, plus you can meet some of your classmates before you start school.” Kira spoke as if this was something she should look forward to, but in all honesty, large gatherings were not Tallys scene, despite what her mother thinks. But, she would attend, save face and hope with good behaviour she would be back in Seattle with her friends in no time. This thought reminded her to shoot them a text quickly explaining her situation, hoping they would see it as an SOS, before shoving her phone back in her pocket and following Kira around the house like a little kid, listening to where things were kept, which rooms were which and then finally a stop at the room in which she would call hers. The walls were a blank, cream color, with light blue bedding and a wooden desk shoved in the corner, along with what looks like textbooks sitting on top.She nods politely as Kira mentions they will be leaving within the hour but try to settle in and suggests she may want to change out of her cotton shorts, as it “gets quite cold compared to Seattle” as she put it.

-----

7:14 read the time on Tallulah's phone as they walked up to the beach, the sun had just begun to set and the temperature had, in fact, dropped quite a bit, thankful for Kiras advice, Tallulah had changed into a pair of loose, blue jeans and had tucked her hands into the pockets of her oversized, black hoodie, fingers curled under the long sleeves to keep them warm.

She walked slightly behind Kira and her father, standing off to the side as they were greeted by people, before they had reached whom she suspected to be the twins. They looked so different from what she remember, her father lowly spoke to her, as Kira caught their attention, pointing out the smaller of the two as Josette and the taller, as Lenna. Josie dawned a baggie pair of dark pair of overalls, with a striped sweater underneath, her hair in two space buns, which was quite different from her sister, in her plaid mini skirt and form-fitting long sleeve shirt, her pin straight, dark hair fanned out behind her back. Tallulah could already tell they wouldn’t get along.

 She watched as Lenna stalked away from her mother to a group of people who looked around their age, before snapping her eyes back at the sound of her name being called, to see Kira and Josette waving her over, before she could even move her feet willingly, her dad was nudging her in their direction, as if she would turn and walk the other way. 

Josette moved over so she could sit directly beside, a friendly smile that resembled Kiras on her face, “ Hi Tally” she spoke her childhood nickname softly, “it’s been awhile, you look so much older, not in a bad way, like mature, adultish, but obviously your only two years older than me so not technically an adult..” she rambled off, “Hey Josette” and before Tallulah could say anything else, she was interrupted by the younger girl, “Its Josie or Jo, whichever fine, just not Josette” she spoke quickly, a pale blush crossing her olive toned skin, to which Tallulah just nodded and asked, “How long do these things last?”

“That depends,” Josie spoke, “Typically the adults leave once the stories and tribal matter finishes, so maybe an hour or two. But we usually stay later, or at least Lenna does.” she said, looking in the direction of her twin, who was now surrounded by a group of other rambunctious teenagers. “Sam Uley's crew is here tonight, so who knows if that will even happen, especially after last time.” Tallulah didn’t question the younger girl, mainly because she just didn’t care to. She looked away from Lenna and her friends, her eyes gazing on all the unfamiliar faces sitting on logs or picnic tables surrounding the growing fire. 

Her eyes stopped on what seemed to be a couple, the girl was beautiful, her long black hair was tied up into a neat ponytail, she was talking to a man in a wheelchair beside her, who looked like he could be her dad, her eyes shifted to the man sitting next her, his arm wrapped around her shoulders, he was in shorts and a shirt and looked perfectly comfortable in the frigid air, he was joking around with the boys next to him, as if the beautiful girl next to him was really there, despite his arm around her, “Thats Paul Lahote.” Josie said from next to her, causing her to flush from her obvious staring, he looked in their direction, as if he had heard Josie say his name, they locked eyes for a split second before Tallulah looked away embarrassed she had been caught. “Don’t worry, Lenna stares at him too,” Josie laughed jokingly, “I wasn’t staring” Tallulah spoke defensively, Josie raised her hands in surrender before leaning in close, “looks like he's the one staring now” Josie grinned, watching as Tallulah looked back at the older boy, noticing that he was staring at her, almost like a deer in headlights. He looked so familiar, though she doubts that they have ever met before. He smiles at her slightly, his arm retracting from the girl beside him despite her protest to his movement, and now the beautiful women is also looking at her, causing Tallulah to look down at her sleeve covered hands that lay in her lap, only looking up again when her father sits in the spot next to her, asking if she's alright, to which she absentmindedly nods her head. Is she alright after her entire life has been altered in the last 12 hours? What kind of question is that?

Her eyes are drawn back to the spot Paul Lahote was sitting in, or had been sitting in, the seat was now vacant, the man nowhere in her line of sight, and she can't help but feel a little disappointed.

[an-angel-in-the-garden]

I bring back gremlin reader. One of the girls gets a call from a creep and the others start betting on what readers gonna say. Like the dating one. But they’re all wrong. Reader pretends he to somebody dying grandma and is like oh yeah the nudist phase when you were 5-11.

Well hello again! Thank you for bring back the gremlin I wasn't sure how to write this fully so I changed it a little hope you dont mind and please enjoy! CW: This is meant to be a joke but if talks of a grandparent in the hospital is something that bothers you please be cautious and I will put it under the cut if you just want headcanons

Its been like this for awhile now their lovely gremlin like friend having the time of their life making creeps back off from people

After the first few times of you doing this it became common practice for some of your classmates to make bets on what's gonna happen

Denki is the one who starts it and his money is always on fake relation specify you saying you're married or dating the person they want to bother

On the opposite side Sero tends to lean to you playing it off like your a scam caller ready to get them into an MLM or something

Iida, Shoji, Aoyama, Ojiro, Koda, Sato, Asui and Momo all tend to sit off to side and watch almost never take part in the bets but when they do it gets wild

It might seem odd but Uraraka, Tokoyami, Hagakure tend to be the ones to help goad you on when your on call with someone

At this point in your years Aizawa has stopped bothering with trying to stop you and just says to be careful he knows your gonna have a fun time doing whatever so just be safe about it

Present Mic thinks your fun to once he found out cause I bet he did similar things when he was younger

The class is just so happy to have you around not only do you make the best chaotic plans around for the Baku squad to take part in but you make creeps think twice before trying to get to close to people

Now onto the scene

It was just another normal day really everyone waiting around after class to try and make a game plan for the evening. Nothing to big had happened that day just the normal training and lessons that passed by just a bit to slow." What about some games we have plenty" Kirishima was the first to say something after most of us had settled in" Nah we've done games for the past few nights" Denki calls back from the kitchen area " Then how about Movies or starting a new show together" Jiro said with a shrug " Well I dont mind but whos picking?" Uraraka asked looking over the group as she took her seat. "NOT ME" a group's response yelled.

The door to the common room opens again Y/n and Momo walking in looking slightly bothered." What's wrong ribbit?" You see someone's been really persistent in trying to hangout with me and it seems he's been pushy with Y/n and a few others too". Momo says shaking her head and sitting down next to Uraraka. " That so not cool man you gonna tell a teacher?" Denki asks now leaning on the counter to look at them. "Oh no I plan on handling this I think he needs a bit of a fright for this" With a wicked smile Y/n take their place on the ground pulling out a piece of paper and their phone the class gathers for tonight's event. " The bets start now" Denki laughs. The groups wishers amongst themselves as bets are placed and with that the show begins.

Three rings it take for the man to answer with baited breath the groups wait for what could come next. "Yes who's this?" Hello, sir I'm with Hosu General Hospital I'm calling to let you know your Grandmother is here and would like to see you." Grandmother? My Grandmother isn't in the hospital, you have the wrong man lady" But your Grandmother Carol talks so much about you even just a little chat would be welcomed" The ling goes quite for a moment. " I dont even have a grandmother named Carol" Well that cant be your are (insert name) right?" Well yes..." Oh then you must not remember her she told me the last time you saw her you were in quite a phase haha" P-phase? His voice stutters Y/n has to pull back a little to stop from laughing

" Oh yes she said you never wanted to get dressed whining about how you didn't like wearing clothing quite the handful she tells me" Y/n chuckles glancing at their classmates who look on in clear amusement" Why would she say that I mean as if I would do that she must be mistaken in her age" Well if you say so that will be all thank you for the chat have a good day sir" wait!" ( Click Beep ) Y/n turns setting their phone down and waiting. " THAT WASNT ANY OF THE BETS!" Denki shouts hand waving a paper around behind him Kirishima laughs. " Well yeah it would be boring if I always used the same lines" But why that story" Iida asks "Simple really, he now has to ask his family about a phase where he hated clothing maybe and also if he forgot his grandma Carol whos not even real. How will he feel what will he do sadly well never know" So what do we with the bet ribbit" I think me and Y/n should spilt the winnings" All eyes turn to Shinso who up to that point had yet to say anything. " And why is that eye bags" Bakugou growls glaring at Shinso " I didn't bet on either choice so I'm not wrong and they stumped you so we both win. With that he grabs the bag of betting items nodding his head to Y/n who jumps up to run to the door a different game now about to start

Okay done! Like I said wasn't sure how to write this so I did my best and I hope you enjoy not as chaotic as my first on but I still hope it was good! Thank you for requesting and thank you for reading-Lilly

[shibarirobot]

Aizawa fic - CH 5 - Entrapment

 18+ ONLY! SFW (for now)

Shouta Aizawa x Villian!OC/Reader(?)

CH1

CH4

Okay this chapter kinda fucked me up. I got very emo while writing this lmfaoooo, but again sooooooo sorry that I’m so inconsistent, I care about this story and I want it to actually be good before I post ((also I have the shittiest laptop on the face of the planet so I can barely use it)) more like I just dont have the patience to deal with it XD, mais oui! le chapter is done! Please enjoy! x

-

The chair I’m strapped to is stiff and uncomfortable at my back. I haven't been able to move for awhile and it’s driving me fucking insane. My back aches, my thighs are sore, I can literally feel my pelvic bone, not to even mention the cracked rib still throbbing and I’ve started to remember the broken nose I gave myself. It’s hard enough to keep my head on straight, I can’t really seem to focus on the questions I’m being asked, let alone my answers. I’ve been here for hours, maybe days. I have no clue. I have absolutely no fucking clue. This dumbass, Detective Aiko just comes and goes, sometimes followed by a short man with a clipboard and glasses. He just asks a few questions and leaves, I’ve lost track of how many times he’s entered and left as quickly as he comes. This time he comes in dragging another metal chair and flips it around on the other side of the table, sitting on it backwards, like he thinks he’s fucking cool or something. He’s large, I’ll give him that. His thighs swallow up the chair easily and I’m surprised he can actually sit on the thing.

I look at him with my tired eyes. We’ve been at this too long, I’m so fucking tired and I can hardly hold his eye contact. My lips are so unbearably chapped they feel like they might split open at any moment, they might have actually, I can taste iron. I’m parched. My mouth feels like it’s full of cotton. I’m about to crack, I can feel it. “Water.” My voice is tiny at this point, crackly from the dehydration. “I need water.” My eyes start to sag and I press forward slightly, straining against the straps on my torso, skin raw beneath them after so much of my writhing.

Detective Aiko blinks at me from across the table and reaches into his back pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. He easily taps one forward and plucks it from the box between his lips. I can tell it’s a practiced movement, he does it without thinking. His habit has become muscle memory. He shoves the pack into his pocket again and retrieves a zippo lighter. If I was more conscious I probably would have rolled my eyes, if it didn’t feel like they might fall out of my head if I did. Of course he has a zippo, ugh. It’s like he learned how to be a cop from watching cheesy cop movies. He flicks it open and closed in a split second and the cigarette is lit. He takes a deep breath, sucking down the entire thing, inhaling so deeply that his chest puffs and swells almost double. He holds that breath for a long moment, releasing it slowly. I expect the smell of burnt tobacco, but there is none. The smoke pours from his nostrils in thick swirls, but it dissipates quickly, without a single trace that it had once been there.

I can see his eyes go glassy from the nicotine high, his shrouded eyes have barely left me. He stares at me like I’m a caged panther; cunning, dangerous, volatile. All things I might have been if I could possibly think straight. “You’ll get your water after you cooperate.” He shifts in the chair slightly, flicking the used cigarette butt to the side. It falls to the ground unceremoniously and I can only imagine how often he flings those things haphazardly and how many thousands he has personally littered into our environment. I’m instantly seething again. A moment ago, I had no capacity for anything really, and now I’m filled head to toe with rage towards this stupid fucking cop. This man withholding my fucking water, my fucking life source.

The thought that he’s actually killing me passes and I pull at the cuffs around my wrists. “Fucking water.” The chains scrape across the table and I can feel the blood on my mouth, my lips have definitely cracked in multiple spots, blood pooling between my teeth. “I fucking need water!” Now I’m just shaking the chains, trying to make enough noise to get him to give in, annoy him into submission. “Water!” His eyebrow twitches, he seemingly has a very short tolerance for my behavior now, no longer amused by my sass and antics.

He quickly rises from the chair and kicks it to the side, it goes clattering against the wall and loudly falls to the ground, tipped on its side. The sudden jolt silences me and the room is tense with the lack of sound. “Who do you work for?!” He yells at me, full chested. The same question Eraser Head asked me in the alley. Where my allegiances lie. There’s another moment of silence before I bust into intense, manic laughter. They still really think I work for someone?

My throat threatens to give out on me, but I can’t control the laughter. “Me, motherfucker!” I shout back, only not as full, my voice is dying quickly, my laughter soon falling with it, replaced by a hacking cough that I’m pretty sure just shredded the dry skin inside my very dry throat. That doesn’t really seem to satisfy him though. He just grunts and picks the chair back up, setting it upright, but not sitting down in it like before. He just stands there, so tall and trying to be intimidating.

He crosses his arms over his chest and scoffs at me just once. “So we’re gonna keep playing this game, huh?” He pulls out another cigarette and huffs it down just as quickly as the first, barely even savoring the drag. His eyes close and he shrugs. “I guess you don’t want that water.” He quickly strides out of the room, leaving me alone and tortured. I can’t move, my body is giving out, I can’t speak because of my hoarse, abused throat, I can’t do anything at all, but sit here. My mind flashes back to when I felt this way before, tied to a dining chair in front of my drunk birther. My eyes start to water and I am amazed that I even have the moisture left in my body to cry. The parallels are too similar and I can feel myself reverting back, the whimpering that’s beginning in the back of my throat. A couple tears start to fall and I’m slowly slipping into that mindset when I hear the door open again.

I try my best to harden my face, trying to mask the depravity that I had just been wallowing in, refusing to make eye contact with Detective Aiko as he rounds the table again and sits in that chair. He sets something on the table and I’m surprised when I look up, to see Eraser Head sitting in that chair across from me instead. There’s a water bottle on the table and I honestly have nothing to say. I’m overwhelmed by this change of events and the tears come faster now, silently streaming down my face. I feel so vulnerable and this man that I have only prodded and teased is the one here to help me. It’s like the universe is laughing at me, it feels like a trick, but one I’m knowingly and willingly letting myself fall into. I suck in a deep breath, hoping he won’t say anything about my tears. “They haven’t cleaned you up at all, have they?” His voice is low, but he honestly sounds concerned. I lamely shake my head, unable to tell him that I’ve been sitting strapped to this chair since the moment he left. He grunts shortly then stands, slowly grabbing the water bottle and cracking the lid open.

My tears lessen as I watch him, he’s looking at me like I’m a wounded animal and deep down I can’t blame him. All I’ve done since meeting him is lash out and hurt him. In spite of all that he reaches out to me slowly, the cold water bottle in one hand, the other gingerly gripping the side of my neck and tilting my head back. I look at him hesitantly. I’m just supposed to let him pour water into my mouth? That feels too weird, and intimate, and needy, but I can’t really pour the water into my own mouth, so I part my lips for him. He gently presses the rim of the water bottle onto my bottom lip, easing the cold, fresh water onto my sandpaper tongue. His fingertips graze the skin on my neck as the pad of his thumb softly wipes away my tears. It’s so gentle and intimate that I can’t help but cry harder. I’ve never felt such a sincere caress and it’s like my heart is breaking into a million pieces, astounded by the tenderness that I haven’t allowed myself to even realize I was missing. The silent resentment falling away for a moment and letting something new replace it. Adoration? Sympathy? Genuine gratitude?

I take in this new feeling hesitantly as I try to gulp down the water as quickly as he’s pouring it into my mouth. I relish in the feeling of the cool liquid on my tongue and into the back of my throat, soothing the burning I had endured for so long. The tears continue to fall even after the water bottle is empty and I realize his hand is still gently stroking my cheek in an attempt to calm my tears. He tosses the empty water bottle aside and peers down at me. I stare back up at him, my eyes starting to puff up from the tears I had just shed, cloudy with the residual moisture on my lashes. He’s even more beautiful now than ever before, caring for me so tenderly, and I think I understand now. I love him. I must love him. The way I was drawn to him before, it all makes sense. I’ve never felt anything like this before, no one has ever given me even a sliver of a second thought, but here he is. This man I don’t even know caring for a tortured criminal that’s done nothing, but awful things. It must be love. It must be... something at least.

I realize the moment’s been too long and I turn my gaze away, squeezing my eyes shut. I can’t help but feel embarrassed. Here he is helping me, giving me the water I so desperately needed and I can’t even choke out a ‘thank you’. Should I? Would he want me to? His hand falls away and I hear him start to shuffle to the door. Dammit. I’m breathing heavy, trying to catch my breath from the way I gulped down water like a dying horse. “I’m going to get a first aid kit.” I almost don’t hear him, but my eyes snap open. He’s coming back? To help me even more? Eraser Head is… going to tend my wounds… that I got fighting… HIM. This is all so bizarre and my head spins a little, but I can’t help the trace of a grin that tugs on my lips and the slight twinge of heat in my cheek.

I hear that knock on the door again, but before it opens I mumble out a small, drained. “Thank you.” My throat is still destroyed, but it’s enough that I hope he heard me. I guess I’ll never know if he did or even cared because the door opens and closes with no acknowledgment that I had said anything. Once again, I am left by myself, in this too bright room, strapped to a metal chair. As I sit here, it’s hard not to fall back into my miserable thoughts. Self loathing and what if’s come easily. What if that really was a trick? What if he’s never coming back? What if I just imagined the whole thing? What if he’s disgusted by me and just taking pity? I internally cringe at myself. That one is probably closest to the truth. He thinks of me like a charity case, someone who can’t help themselves. He’s a hero after all, that good ole savior complex will always rear it’s big, nasty head at some point. He’s helping me to make himself feel better, not to make me feel better. I sneer at myself. I almost fell into his trap, but no. I’m better than that. I was almost that dumb cunt I used to be, trusting people, needing others help. Fuck no. I promised myself I would never be that person again. I’m better now.

But then the indignation fades and all I’m left with is the reality of the situation. I do need his help. I’m broken and bleeding, strapped to a chair in an interrogation room. I start to cry again. It’s not a heavy cry, just one that makes you realize so much in such a short period of time. I cry as I realize I do need help. I need more help now than I’ve ever needed before. I’ve probably needed help this entire time and refused to see it, refused to ask for it. Asking for help never seemed like an option, it seemed like a burden. Yet, Eraser Head isn’t even offering me help, he’s giving it. Willingly. Of his own accord.

I continue to struggle with my thoughts on the situation far longer than I would deem necessary before I admit to myself it doesn’t matter because he’s simply not coming back. It’s been too long for him to have actually been going to get a first aid kit. He’s gone forever now. Poof. Might as well stop thinking about him. I can’t though. Can’t stop thinking about his perfect face, the way he touched my neck, the tenor of his voice, the scruff on his chin, the scar under his eye, the heat of his body behind mine. It all sends a thrill through me, but more than that, just a deep sense of longing. I yearn for him. I just want him to come back to me, I don’t care if he has the first aid kit he left for or not. I just want him to be present with me because everything just hurts less when he’s here. The open wounds mean nothing when he’s here. He’s the only reason any of my pain has ever been eased. I need him. I love him.

I start to allow fresh tears to fall, but my eyes are already welded shut from the fat tears I had shed earlier, too heavy to open and crusted over with dried tears because I still can’t wipe my eyes. The new ones gently come and allow me to crack open my eyes just slightly. I’m honestly on the brink of exhaustion, but my body has miraculously found a way to push forward. I’m taking a deep breath, trying to re-center myself. Get a grip on reality. Stretch my fingers and toes, get some feeling back in my aching body, crack my neck as best as I can. It’s not much, but it helps. I’m the only one that can do anything for me now. I start trying to survey the room to a closer extent than I had before, but honestly it’s still the same, too bright, all white room. I guess I can see a vent in the top right corner, but it’s too small for me to even think about escaping from. Not to mention, I can’t see a camera, so it must be in the corner behind me, watching, recording my every move. I grumble. There’s also the two way mirror, that I assume has had at least three people on the other side of it at all times. I’m completely under thumb.

I sigh, there’s not much I can do in this situation, and this dumb collar is still canceling my quirk. I’m chained up and defenseless. Fucking great. The door scrapes open again and I startled to see Eraser Head quickly invade the room, that wild look in his eyes again. The tips of his hair are flicking back and forth angrily, but not like it was before when he was erasing my quirk, more like… he’s just worked up. He’s breathing deeply, standing up straight and crossing his arms, a full 180 from his calm, gentle demeanor he had earlier. He’s actually quite intimidating like this and I start to shrink into myself, not knowing why his mood has changed. I didn’t do anything. He looks to the door and reaches out to flick his wrist in a ‘get the fuck over here’ motion. Detective Aiko comes into the room and unlocks my cuffs, releasing my arms from the table. He seems reluctant and I’m insanely confused by this sudden turn of events. My eyes are wide and I look to Eraser Head again, confusion evident on my twisted up face. “I’m taking you to the hospital. The collar will stay on and I will cuff you down when we get there.” He says it all so blankly and I’m even more confused that I was before he answered.

Detective Aiko doesn’t look up, he just grumbles out a gruff, ‘bad fucking idea’ before moving onto the straps at my torso, allowing me to pull away from the chair just a little bit. I struggle to force my muscles to keep myself upright, wanting to slump over and crumple to the floor. He undoes the one at my lap and I barely feel it because my entire bottom half has gone numb at this point. He lowers down further and unlocks the cuffs at my ankles, fully freeing me from the chair. I’m immediately elated to be liberated once again, getting overzealous and springing from the chair. Blood rushes to my head and my numb legs remind me how bad of an idea that is because I tip forward, falling into the metal table, the wind knocked from my lungs. I let out a wheeze and feel strong hands pull me back up onto my feet from my shoulders.

Eraser Head wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me flush to his hip to support my weight. I can feel his hero muscles swell as he pulls me off the table, shifting so we can shuffle towards the door. I’m still dazed and weak, trying to work with his movements instead of against them, but my legs can barely hold myself up and he ends up dragging me along with him more than anything else. My head is right next to his shoulder, tucked tight to his body and I press myself closer, nuzzling my cheek onto his collarbone. He feels so good against me. I’m so woozy, I feel like I’m dreaming. This all could be a mirage, I am dehydrated as hell. But it feels so real and so good that I just submit to it immediately. I press even further, trying to get up to his neck. Trying to be closer. The moment crashes around me in an instant as cuffs fall around my wrists. Damn. It’s Detective Aiko standing behind me, cuffing my wrists together and ruining the moment I was just having with Eraser. I glare up at him and he just ignores me, squeezing the cuffs tighter, too tight. I yelp, but he just looks over to Eraser Head like, ‘Really?’. Eraser grunts and holds his hand out for the key, he still has that wild look in his eye and I realize now that it’s pointed at Detective Aiko. HE’s in the doghouse, not me. Well, I am still arrested, but it doesn’t really feel like it when Eraser Head is personally escorting me to the ER, cuffs or no cuffs. Detective Aiko drops the key into his outstretched hand with an eyeroll.

Eraser Head spins me around, so I’m facing forward. My head is still dizzy, but my legs are starting to get some feeling back and I’m able to stand on my own now, even if I am a bit wobbly. He pulls me close to him again, gripping my bicep with one hand and supporting my weight with a hand on my hip. He’s taller than I remember him being. Glancing over my shoulder, I have to look up at him. His jaw is set, clenched with the anger he’s trying to hold back, silently seething. He’s still eyeing Detective Aiko with a menacing nature, I know his quirk is eye related, but it seems he also has a natural affinity for staring anyways. I watch him tuck the key into his front pocket, then grip my arm again, his hands are so large. I gulp, now realizing my ass is basically pressed up to his hip. He’s still taller than me, it's more like his thigh, but that doesn’t change the fact that my ass is on this man. My mind goes crazy as he holds me there, having some kind of stare down with Aiko. Neither of them has moved, but after a moment the detective shifts back with a grumble. Eraser Head grunts and guides me forward, supporting me as we exit the interrogation room.

Eyes follow us as Eraser Head leads me out of the room and down the hall. The receptionist at the front desk gasps when she sees me walking (semi) free. I can tell they all know who I am. I can tell they’re all scared of me. I don't need my quirk for that. I take advantage of the tense scene before me and grin, lurching forward at the woman sitting at the desk. Eraser Head is still gripping me firmly, so I don’t make it very far before he yanks me back to his body, but I do make it far enough to scare that bitch gawking at me. She screams and drops the phone receiver in her hand, stumbling backwards. I didn’t really expect such a dramatic reaction, did she really think I was gonna rip her head off or something? I’m fucking handcuffed… and doesn’t she fucking work at the police station? She should be used to this by now, why is she so fucking scared? Dramatic bitch.

Eraser Head pushes me forward, obviously still riled up from previous events. I stumble forward a bit, but his grip on me is so firm I couldn’t fall if I wanted to. We continue walking through the waiting lobby, until we reach two large glass doors. Outside the doors, it’s day time, probably late afternoon by the look of the sunlight. I take a deep breath, ready to take a step out those doors, ready to leave this awful fucking place, full of these awful fucking people. Eraser presses the handicap button and the door swinging open, the air is warm as we step out and it’s a little joy in this shitty situation that I bask in for a moment. When we step onto the sidewalk, I look up at Eraser Head. This protective stance, the hand on my hip, if I just ignore the handcuffs it’s like we’re a couple on a stroll. I smile up at him, thinking about how sweet he looks with his hair catching the late afternoon light. It’s golden hour and it settles on him nicely, highlighting his stark features. His eyes flick down to me and an expression of genuine surprise passes his face for a split second. He looks away quickly, a blush coating his cheeks, but his face returns to its stoic default.

We continue like this for a moment until we come up on his vehicle. I’m not sure what I expected, but a small wave of sadness washes over me as he opens the rear door, shoving me into the backseat. I didn’t really think he would put me in the front with him, but this feels so… impersonal. I guess that’s what we are. Impersonal. I mean, I don’t even know his last name. I slouch into the black leather of the car and pout to myself, feeling defeated. Eraser Head buckles me into the seat, leaning over me with his whole, big body. Heat floods my stomach and suddenly I’m feeling something… else. I huff, breathing in his scent, I can still smell the bergamot on him, but the other scent on him still eludes me. It’s sweet and musky, almost earthy. He pulls away before I can breathe in again, shutting the door on me, boxing me into this car alone again. He’s in the driver’s seat about 4 seconds later, but the silence of being alone again still stands out to me. I shake my head, and try to focus on the sounds of the car as he roars the engine to life and pulls out of the parking lot.

Thank you for reading! :)

I love reading yall’s comments so please leave a note for me! (see that double entendre hehe im so smart) 

but seriously, thanks for the love and the followers especially for only one fic

(also I hope u all can tell how much I fucking despise the cops for this chapter)

[mademoiselless]

F l u x

"Still in love with the idea of loving you, it's a state of flux, and it's not enough."

It was actually your idea though, — the freaking "temporary break-up".

Your mind was a mess and the thought pops out of your mind all of a sudden. Sure you love him, of fucking course you really do, but some things lately were really getting out of hand.

"What do you mean?"

It was the fifth petty argument you two had in a span of a month and it started to get on your nerves. Lately, he's like being out of the loop, his patience short and distant. At some point, you've actually became paranoid and thought of what if he's being like this on purpose because he's falling out of love? What if, God forbid... he's cheating?

"I-I think it's best if we cool down for awhile."

Your words, you wanted to take them back as soon as you spill them. You saw how his face fell, furrowed brows started to part calmly as he sat on the couch, his breathing stills. At that time, he looks like he was contemplating, thinking.

"Okay."

Okay? Was that it? Were you that easy for him?

His face blank and emotionless as he stoods up, sighing and gathered his backpack on the floor. Hearing the front door shut, you fell on your knees and sobbed quietly.

The first couple of weeks without him was okay. No calls, no text. You got yourself busy for college and finally have some "me time" but at the end of each day, your mind couldn't help but to still wander about him. How was he? Is he doing well? Was he skipping dinner again?

At the college, every once in a while you'd passed by him at the hall and tried so hard not to steal glances on him only to fail misserably. He was with his friends, all happy and unbothered. You heart sank a bit yet you were glad he's better—but better without you.

Perhaps you were right. Spending some time away from each other will let you two reevaluate yourselves, and Jaehyun seems like he already did.

It's been a month since your partial break-up and for you, everything's like still hanging, unaswered and missing. School works already took its toll on you, deadlines here and there were constantly making you stressed, but at some point, let you supress the loneliness deep inside you and get yourself distracted from the idea of him.

You lie on your bed at night, letting tiredness thoroughly consumed you to sleep. You're slowly dozing off when you head knocks from the front door. Thinking it was just your neighbor Rose asking about some missed assignments, you opened it without a do and almost shut it close when you saw who actually it was.

"Hi."

Lesson, never ever open your doors without knowing who's on the other side, you might end up getting murdered.

"I'm here for something I forgot."

Liar. You've never seen any of his belongings since the last time he left your dorm a month ago but despite of being confused, you eventually let him in without saying anything. Unlike you, he seems good, fine, you guess, and of course still handsome as hell. Suddenly, the room smells like him all over again slightly making you feel giddy and dizzy.

"How are you?"

"Im fine. Just a little tired and sleepy. "

Trying to make everything short and simple, you replied not even sparing him a glance, just so he can go and you can finally sleep in peace but then it hit you. This might be his chance to officially break up with you.

You were about to turn back to your room when you heard him uttered your name for the first time in a while and you swore you almost broke down right there and there.

"Can we talk?"

You two really did end up talking, both of you sat at the either side of the couch comfortably but with a safe distance. He sat straight, back resting on the cushion while you were facing him, legs cross in an indian sit with a pillow on your lap. Apparently he's the one who did the talking the most while you just nodded. You were surprised by his actions, he talks like nothing happened, as if it was like just a normal routine with him were he talks about his day, his life at school. You really tried your best to remain composed in front of him, deep inside, you were actually still a mess. Leaning on your elbows, you plopped them a top the pillow and let your head rest on it as you listen to his deep baritone voice. You heard him chuckle to whatever he had mentioned about this one friend of him and you swore you felt your heart made a slight leap on your chest. You let him blab more as you pretend to listen attentively but in reality you're just staring on his perfect face like you have been hypnotized.

"Hey, are you still listening?"

"No."

It was a quick, straight answer to his question and you noticed how his pout and frown were slowly formed making you smile a bit. He never changed.

Temporary break-ups were somewhat made to give each other a breathing space and time to think but for some, they made it as a chance to escape. Turns out you have done the latter and now you're suffering from it.

He was still grumbling childishly when you reach for him oh so suddenly, his face in between your warm palms that he yearned the most. You mindlessly leaned down tilting his chin to let your lips meet. His eyes were round as saucer as you recall, taken a back from your sudden move but you didn't care. You kissed him slowly, taking his bottom lip in between yours. It took him some time before you felt him respond, gently, he pulled you closer, settling you in his lap with your legs on either side of him. For like a split second you pulled away to breathe but he chased your lips, deepening the kiss. His fingers wandered to your hips, tugging you down closer to his and you sighed unconciously through the kiss. You felt him card your hair in between his fingers, letting him feel and relish you, letting him take control. At that time, you felt yourself soaring again, you felt loved, you felt secured yet again.

Everything was overwhelming you, the emotions, the frustrations, the anger, the love. Suddenly you were so scared to lose him and you really hated yourself for only realizing it now. How can you become so stupid and reckless? You almost lose him.

Before anything could escalate further, Jaehyun pulls away, caressing your cheeks gently.

"Babe, why are you crying?"

You didn't even realize you were already shedding. He leans in again kissing your both tear-stained cheeks, making your eyes flutter close.

"Jae I'm so sorry-"

"Sshhh... Dont be."

There you rested yourself on top of him, savoring his warmth, scent and presence that you've been badly missing.

"I told you before that I forgot something in here, didn't I? "

"Yes. "

"This. I forgot this here." He points a finger to your chest.

"When we were apart I've been incomplete."

And so you were.

"You are the missing piece of me... "

"... and I left this here. I left my heart here with you."

"Still in love with the idea of loving you, it's a state of flux, I just keep holding on."

[iamsonyeondone]

prince!au // zhong chenle

☆+｡･ﾟfluffy!! and an itty bit angsty  

☆+｡･ﾟ 1.8k words

prince chenle was no doubt born to be someone of a high caliber

even if he didnt have that royal blood in him, everyone’s amazed by his abilities

the skills he has to play the piano at such a young age aS well as sing with the most angelic voice

and that he was meant to charm anyone and everyone who sees him, perform or just as he is

he is also such a hardworking student, as quoted by his tutors

and that anyone who has personally met him agreed that he’s really sweet and altogether a well-rounded person

not to mention how he makes the atmosphere much more calming and fun during balls

especially when he’s joined in by his other 6 best friends

everyone is torn between him and his brother when it comes to the better heir to the throne

but chenle doesnt make this topic of his utmost importance because he’s more than sure that his older brother was going to take over

and he’s completely fine with it, if not, more than proud to have the kingdom be taken by his sibling that he cares for

which also means that he has the choice of doing what he loves most

which was to perform and dazzle the crowd

he’s always performed for the balls held at the palace 

whether it was a symphonic piece on the piano, a heart-warming tune with his voice, or both!!

and he definitely loves the attention when everyone cheers for him at the top of their lungs

until you came along

you were the child of a duchess and you were very popular for being a violin prodigy

from little, you’ve always performed for balls too and from there, you were given the opportunity to learn it on an advanced level when you were scouted

and when you came to one of the certain royal ball wink wink chenle was a little dumbfounded when he found out that there was someone who was just as good as him at performing

but when he saw you perform, putting all your emotion into the violin while your movements remain precise

he cant help but be mesmerised

and you on the other hand, was glad that there was someone you could have a middle ground with

“good evening your majesty, your performance was amazing today,” you greeted him while the adults paired up on the dance floor

“you did pretty well yourself. i’m sorry but i’ve never seen you before,” he turned to look at you, an adorable smile on his face

“my family and i move around quite alot, probably why you’ve never seen me although i was born here,” you returned a smile back, taking a bite of one of the snacks from the table

“i see, so i bet you’ve seen some of my friends,”

“i’ve seen a lot of people of course, you’ve got to be more specific than that, your majesty,” you chuckled

and chenle takes a moment to get a better look at you 

“just call me chenle, its weird when a friend of mine calls me that,”

and from then onwards, the both of you laughed the night away

playing hide and seek on the palace grounds and sneaking some food from the kitchen as well as him showing you wround his favourite hiding places from the stuffy meetings

its safe to say that the both of you became very close friends at the end of the night

and chenle was quite upset when you hear your mother looking for you

“i have to go but i hope we get to meet again some time,” you smile, still giggling from the aftermath of causing quite a mess in the kitchen

“i do hope to see you when we hold another ball in about a month. it’ll be boring if you dont come so you better promise me that,”

chenle lifts up his pinky, wiggling it towards you with a wide grin

with your smile mirroring his, you intertwined your pinkies with his and waved goodbye

during that long painful month, chenle was really distracted by the thoughts of you

the way you laughed at his lame jokes or just by his own dolphin-like laugh, the little stories you tell him from your mansion while the look of disgust sticks onto your face

and maybe it was also the way you smiled at him with twinkles in your eyes

and the sound of your laugh which sounded far more angelic than the opera singers who come by to perform

chenle is scared to admit that he is in fact in love

while you were gladly accepting the strong feelings enveloping your heart

being reminded of his high-pitched laugh always gets you giggling during dinner

which raises eyebrows from your parents

and the way you would naturally squeal when you remember him smiling back at you with his pinky finger raised, makes your butler tease you about it every single day

and when the day comes that you attend the ball at the palace, youre spoiled for choice when your maids show you your choices

“which one looks better on me,Ms Lim?” you tilt your head thinking that it may give you a clearer decision

“the blue one looks amazing on you milady although all of them accentuates your beauty,” she smiled, while you groan in frustration when nothing comes to mind

“could you bring Mr Park in? he’s painfully straight-forwards sometimes but i think it’s actually beneficial in this case,” you sigh, flopping onto your bed while she fetched your butler

when you hear the familiar ‘yes milady?’ you shoot up from your spot and pouted

“Mr Park, i dont know which dress to choose for Chenl- the royal Zhong family ball,” 

and he stands there for a moment, ready to spit out a teasing remark before picking a more simpler outfit from the collection of choices

“contrary to popular belief, milady does in fact look better in something more simple. And im confident that prince chenle will agree,” he smile before bowing and taking his leave

and your face explodes in the colour red at his statement

you slipped into the outfit and twirled in front of your full-length mirror

until your mother knocked onto your door

“we need to talk,”

chenle waited anxiously in the corner of the ballroom, at the exact same spot the both of you had met

and while the other kings and queens from distant kingdoms as well as duch and duchesses greet him, he only had his eyes on finding you

so when you finally walked through the entrance with your family, his heart skipped a beat

and chenle had this big unstoppable grin on his face

that is until your eyes meet and the only thing he is met with is a sad smile

“why the long face?” he greeted you, still mustering a small smile as you curtsied

“its,,, nothing. but dont you think you hear the king and queen calling you over?” you chuckled, darting your gaze to his parents who had been calling him over by the piano

an indication that he started charming the crowds as usual

but with a bigger plan in mind

“did you bring your violin?” he asked excitedly, taking hold of your hand and squeezing it tightly

“of course, but why?” you raise a brow, suspicious of the next action of this mischievous boy

“get it quick, its going to be our first duet together,” he laughed, dragging you towards the growing crowd around the piano

once chenle adjusted himself on his seat and nodded as the cue, he began playing each note with care as you soon followed

the piano churned out a harmonious tune while your violin had a soft sadness undertone to it

and chenle finally had a hunch, even without having you to tell him explicitly

this was your first duet with him and it may be the last

once chenle ended the song, the both of you stood together to bow in front of the audience with your hand in his

and even though the crowd had already dispersed to continue waltzing around the room, chenle didnt let your hand go

“theres one more place i havent shown you yet,” he smiled cheekily as he sneaked his way around the palace guards

even with the numerous questions you had been showering him with, chenle simply shrugged and continued with a “you’ll see”

and when he pushes the heavy maroon curtain away to reveal the small secluded garden, you gasp in admiration

the garden was small yet bursting with life - roses blooming beautifully in the moonlight while the soft splashing of the water fountain came as a comforting lullaby

“i come here whenever i want to fully unwind,” he sighed, taking a seat on a bench that had been sheltered by a short tree yet its branches reached further than most 

“or did you mean when you’re being called to study?” you teased, taking a seat next to him, making him scrunch his nose in annoyance

and the both of you sit in silence for awhile, watching the stars twinkle in the navy blue sky

until a thought comes to you

because chenle, the boy with the loudest and highest-pitched laugh, was quiet

and you feel yourself growing more conscious of the situation

“so why did you bring me here? there must be a reason why since my ears havent bled yet,” 

and when you look at him, he’s not looking back and that once cheerful smile is nowhere to be seen

and maybe your eyes are just playing with you because theres this hint of pink on his cheeks

but maybe you’re just seeing things

“you mentioned that you move around a lot so how long will you be overseas this time?” 

and when he finally stares back into your eyes, sadness evident yet still attempting to smile, your heart shatters into a million pieces

youre silent for a moment, unsure of how to tell him about the news while you try your best to word it in your head

“i’m,,, i might not be coming back- but! ,,,,but its not final,” and chenle smiled, a little chuckle leaving his lips

“then until our next meeting, i’ll look at the sky and think of you. it’s not that hard trying to find some similarities between you and the moon yknow - a little grey-”

and the sad mood lightens up as you nudged him hard, knocking him over as his clumsiness only further pushed him off the bench

the night ended with laughter and giggles as always

and whenever you look at the night sky in your temporary home, you stifle a giggle when you’re reminded of the dolphin laugh you’ve come to love

a/n: ew this is so sappy but i hope you guys love sappy ksjhalfals tbh that last line is so full of crack and if you dont laugh at it, youre not human

[chrystainfern]

9/100 Days of Productivity

Ok! Soooo it’s been awhile lol Basically I fell off after the first day and am coming back to this challenge again today to try and give it another go. Yeah, I think after my whole issue with my drawing class (day 1) and feeling like a complete failure at drawing I just hit a slump and that combined with my new job schedule has put any sort of productivity on the back burner. To be honest I was already feeling pretty burnt out prior to starting this challenge so trying to go from that into yet another thing that requires more of my time and effort without a lot of room to breathe just pushed me over the edge. So like I said after the first day I pretty much just did nothing except go to work. I didn't work on any school work or language studies like I wanted to and just spent my time trying to unwind and get myself back to normal state of mind.

Because of this little slump last week on Wednesday I decided to do a tarot card reading to get some clarity on why I’ve been feeling so unmotivated lately, and it really helped put thing in prospective for me! Since then I’ve had small bursts of productivity throughout the week which lead me to FINALLY creating my budget envelopes! I’ve been wanting to get those going for a while and finally finished them yesterday night! I’m excited to see how well this system of budgeting works for me since I’ve tired in the past and failed at it horribly lol!

So what have accomplished for today? Well I was able to sort through and organize some of my files that have my tax/irs info, school documents, etc and get those sorted out finally. I had too many random pieces of paper floating around my room and it was starting to bother me so I decided to just sit down and sort through it all. I also completed one of my Intro to Costume design assignments that was about fabric techniques used in fashion, which I actually really enjoyed working on! I feel bad though because my teacher for this class is super nice and has tried several times to reach out to me over the past week and half to see why I haven’t turned in any work, but I was too unmotivated during that time sooo I kind of ignored her until today lol. I still have one more assignment I need to do for this class which is a fabric dyeing project that I plan to finish tomorrow! I may work on some more past due homework for another class (Color Concepts) for the remainder of the night before I got to bed, but I wanted to at least post this since I really do want to continue with this challenge. I thought about just restarting the challenge over again but I think I’ll just stick with the original start date and keep going. I’m sure this wont be the only time I experience burn out so might as well keep track of it using this challenge. 

Anyways thanks to anyone who reads this! And if you’re in a similar spot as was last week where you’re caught in an unmotivated slump, please take the time out to care for your mental health! While being productive is great, if you dont allow yourself some time to be lazy and not feel like you need to be accomplishing something every second of the day you’re going to burn yourself regularly which is only going to lead to even more upset for not accomplishing anything. So relax and know that its ok to not be constantly doing something and that sometimes by doing nothing we’re actually doing something, caring for ourselves!

[btswishes]

I don’t want to be like this.

BTS

One Shot

Requested by: Anonymous 

Request: “  Can I have a request of werewolf!yoongi (Yoongi's Birthday Special)?So he hates so much for being werewolf. One day, his anger of himself exploded that his gf ran away right after heard it. When he looking for her, he found her almost being attacked by other wolf but he saved her in wolf form in time, and for the first time he feel so grateful for being werewolf (that he almost cried). P.S. I hope you can involve Bangtan as his comrades who dont like being werewolf but not as worse as Yoongi's^^ “

A/N: It is kind of short, sorry about that.I haven’t done a one shot in awhile, I hope this turned out ok.Sorry for any mistakes made.Requests are open. (Only for reactions its closed)

Word count:  1,610

Warnings: Blood, anger, feels.

   We all have someone we love, someone we hold dear to us, someone who we wish to be happy. But what if our loved one has something about himself that he doesn’t like?What do we do then?We try to help, we try to help them accept that part.Yet for you it was easier said than done. Your boyfriend was named Min Yoongi, a boy known by history as a werewolf.The problem here was that he...

“I don’t like this.”he yelled out, falling onto the couch.You looked at him, heart breaking a bit.

“Yoongi...”sitting next to him, you placed your hand onto his shoulder, trying to relax him “I don’t understand why you hate being a werewolf.” you really didn’t. He was supper strong, his body healed very fast, he could run almost in the speed of lightning, yet he wasn’t happy.

“You don’t get it.”he said, still not looking at you

“That is right, I don’t, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to find out.”you moved closer to him “Please, tell me.”his head slowly turned towards you, but the moment your eyes met, he stood up immediately.

“You...” his eyes dark “You think this is stupid don’t you...You think that I don’t have a reason to be complaining...”he started saying, his voice starting to get louder and louder “I know what you are.” these words combined with the look he had in his eyes was crushing your heart

“Yoongi that is not it.”you stood up and grabbed his arm, but he swung it and pushed you back ,making you fall and hit your head on the table.The vase on top shook a bit.

“I know what you think of me Y/N! I have known for a long time now, but I didn’t want to believe it.”he started yelling and waving his hands around the room, his eyes getting red with ever syllable that came out of his mouth. “YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME DON’T YOU?!BUT YOU ARE TOO SCARED, BECAUSE I AM A MONSTER.YOU DON’T KNOW IF I WILL HURT YOU.” he stopped talking and looked at you, as he slowly took a few steps, you wanted to move back , but couldn’t because of the table.His strong body stopped in front of you and he knelt down.His hand slowly reached towards your face and the moment he touched your jaw, you flinched. Yoongi pulled back his fingers a bit.

“I knew it.Am I that terrifying to you Y/N?” you couldn’t answer him “I asked, am I that terrifying?”the words came out from in between his teeth.You shook your head, but he didn’t believe you. After all the way he felt about himself was like a black veil in front of his eyes.

“I see.”he stood up and looked down at you one last time “You will never know what it is like to be like me, different.” as he turned his back towards you, you jumped and grabbed onto his hand, knees making indents in the carpet.

“That might be true.Yoongi I might not know what it feels like to be a werewolf, but no matter what you may be, I still love you and nothing will change that.So please, talk to me I want to help you. ”you wanted to say more, you wanted to say so much more, but he didn’t give you time.Yoongi grabbed both your arms and aggressively pulled you up. Now you were hanging with your hands in his and your knees a few centimeters of the ground. 

“You think that by talking you will understand...?You think you will know how this feels?...YOU will KNOW NOTHING!”he threw you again, but this time your body hit the table even harder and the vase fell. Breaking in the process, it cut you, really really badly, even blood started tinting the carpet. Yoongi wasn’t there to see that though, he had left the apartment.

  You could still hear his loud foot steps.Trembling from the hit, you slowly tried to get up,but couldn’t. The sun that had once illuminated and warmed up your body, was beginning to disappear, day turning into night, the cold wind engulfing the world around.The windows in the house were open and so you could feel your body getting cold.You had been sitting there, back against the table, broken pieces of a blue vase next to you, some of them tinted with the red color of life.

  You were tired, your body was hurting, blood dripping, hands trembling as they grabbed onto the carped and tried to pull you up.Leaning on the window sill, you looked out and saw the night and the moon. As you were looking at the stars,something in your head clicked. Maybe he was feeling like this because you were with him, because you were human.Jin, Hoseok, Yoongi, Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook, they were all feeling the same way as Yoongi, but they weren’t as mad as him. You started to think that you were the cause of all of this, that you were the oil that added to the flames of his anger towards his existence as a werewolf.

 You weren’t able to get your jacket and walked like that, slowly towards the door. Leaving the apartment was easy, yet now what?What were supposed to do?Your parents lived far away from where you were now.The only thing you could do is go to a friend of yours. Yet you remembered that you forgot your phone in the bedroom, once you were already too far.You knew where she lived, in a house in the forest that was near the city you lived in. Yoongi and the boys decided to live here because of that place, they could hide there and transform without being seen. That forest was a curse and a gift for them.To you, a path to an answer. 

  When ever something happened between you and Yoongi, you went over to the others to talk to them. Namjoon and Jin had always helped you, but now, you couldn’t go there, you had to find someone that was as yourself, human. You wanted to know why your beloved was acting like this, you needed to know what to do.

  It was dark, cold, the wind was freezing, yet silent like death.The moon was full and shined bright over you.You could feel the grass under your feet and the night onto your skin. You could turn your back on the forest, you could go home and warm up, but helping him was far more important to you that your own well being.

  Tripping and falling a couple of times led to a few new wounds onto your hands and knees.But...what is a cut with out blood?You already were hurt from the vase and now this.To you it was just a red liquid in your veins that had the taste of iron, but to the animals in the forest it smelled sweeter than a flower grown around fruit.The moment you felt tired and decided to stop, was the moment they decided to step out of the shadowy veil of the night.

  Your eyes turned towards the guests.They were big and strong, thick fur and sharp teeth, their eyes were reflecting the moon.The biggest one stepped forward, he was so close that you could see yourself in his eyes.Scared you couldn’t move, you couldn’t even if you wanted to as the wounds were making it difficult.Closing your eyes you leaned against the tree, waiting for your end.

“At least this might help him forget the anger...”whispering you said 

  You could hear the sound of the wolfs getting closer to you, trembling you could only wait.

“Y/N!”someone yelled out and you knew who it was, your head moved towards the tree next to you and you saw him running with fear covering his face

“Y/N!”

  This time your name sounded more like a growl that a scream.He jumped, right in front of your eyes you saw an even bigger wolf.He was strong and scared away the other pack.As he turned around to look at you, you slowly crawled over to him and reached out, touching his fur.”So......beautiful...”you said before collapsing on the ground. The next time when you opened your eyes, your body felt warm.

“Yoongi...”you said looking up 

“Thank goodness, I thought I lost you.”he hugged you tighter, pulling your head towards his chest “I am sorry for all I did to you.I understand if you want to leave me, but I simply can’t let you go.”

 You turned around and looked at him “Even if you want me to leave, I will never even think about it.I love you, I want to help you.Will you let me?”you softly asked 

“Are you sure?”he couldn’t believe that you wanted to be with him after all of this

“Chain me up if you want to, lock me up ,make sure I never leave you.I don’t care.”you leaned your head onto his chest, hugging tightly “My home is right here, in your arms.”

“I always thought that you would be scared of my wolf form, I thought you would run away the moment you saw me.”he gently ran his hand through your hair

“Why did you think that?You were so beautiful, so strong and majestic.You looked so powerful that it ....calmed me down...” you were falling a sleep in his arms

“Shhh, don’t talk now.You are still tired, try to sleep.”he kissed your forehead “I will be here when you wake up.”

“Promise...?” you asked

“I promise.”

  Did he say something else?You didn’t know because of the sweet melody of sleep.The only clear thing to you was the weight you lifted off his heart.

[eli-reviewsthings]

10 Ten movies of 2016

Hey everybody. That hellish year is over, and now we can spend some time looking back at all the shit things were made that we were forced to sit through, and appreciate the great ones!

10. The Lobster: Not gonna lie, I was tempted to not put this and number 9 even on this list, but god. So many bad movies came out I kinda didnt have much else to put on here. Not saying the Lobster is a bad movie, it is not, just. Difficult. This movie was difficult to watch, and probably the second most uncomfortable movie I saw this year. There were a plethora of scenes that were made me squirm in my very uncomfortable seat. The most notable of which is a woman viying for the affection of the main character botches a suicide attempt and sits, dying slowly on the ground screaming while the main character attempts to flirt with a hot sociopath. And thats kinda a lot of the movie; violent and awkward. Much to my surprise, the movie ended up being an amazing look at love and relationships, and actually had some scenes that were genuinely touching, partly because of how cold, sterile, and viscous the rest of the movie was. The biggest problem that I have with this movie however, comes from my frustration with the ending. It goes in line with movies like Birdman, that just dont seem to know how to end. Note to future directors and writers: Ambiguity is a fine tool, but understand that not having a satisfying ending is not always a good thing. 

9. The Neon Demon: Whatever about the actual movie, its NWR (as he’s calling himself nowadays, groan) and I liked it, but. But. I must tell you all about the most stressful day I’ve ever had, and how it made this movie the most nerve racking experience of my life. I was staying at a hotel for anime expo with four other friends, when we were woken up at 4am by three things all happening at once: 1, the fire alarm went off, prompting 2, one of the guys woke up screaming from a nightmare while 3, one of the other guys decided to start screaming FIRE and both took off running down the hall. Later we learned it was a false alarm but I thought we were being murdered. After that I couldn’t sleep so I watched Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared which was disturbing and then the fire alarm went off 4 more times prompting one of the guys to scream every time. The I saw the Neon Demon. And honestly, it was such a stressful experience I have a hard time actually thinking about the movie because all I remember is being on my very last nerve and on the brink of a panic attack.

8. 10 Cloverfield Lane: You spend a lot of time looking at Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s ass and she is the most resourceful protagonist I’ve ever seen. It’s also a Cloverfield sequel which I love and John Goodman is a villain. Literally what more could you want. 

7. Rouge One: One of the best Star Wars films by far, I actually really enjoyed Rouge One, much more than I thought I would. It did a good job developing it’s character over the course of the movie, something Star Wars has literally never done without being either extremely cliched or just plain bad. My only complaints were that a, its still way too easy to just beat Stormtroopers with sticks, though I did appreciate the breaking glass, and b, the final fight was almost impossible to follow who was where and where the enemies were coming from. Besides that, fun action movie with some really solid performances and Alan Turdyk which is all you could want from a sci fi film.

6. The Nice Guys: Listening to Ryan Gosling scream after getting his ass kicked by Russel Crowe was one of the funniest things I got to see this year. Honestly though, this was a wonderful little gem of a movie and I really enjoyed every second of it. Not the best plot, and some kinda lame character development but hey, it was the best example of slapstick humor done well I’ve seen in years. Really, just such a fun film to watch.

5. Sing: I’m really surprised myself to see this movie so high on my list but the more I thought about the movie the more I enjoyed it. I’m a theater guy, I have a degree in theater and I’ve been doing musicals since 5th grade, so a movie about the magic of theater was really lovely to sit through. It did an amazing job of taking an incredibly broad array of music and bringing it together, and then making a white kid basically be a British Weekend, but hey besides that I loved the film. Sure it had tons and tons and tons of flaws but, I’m willing to forgive a lot because films are about enjoyment and sometimes you just have to find a film, acknowledge its not the best, and love it all the same.

4. Magnificent 7: Speaking of films that aren’t the best but I loved, this is easily the best action movie to come out in years. Also, one of the few movies to do a large ensemble cast, give all the characters equal development and, almost, equal screen time and have them all feel unique. Top it off with a diverse cast, some amazing shoot outs and you the perfect recipe for a great western.

3. Deadpool: Just go and watch the title sequence. Thats why I love this movie. Deadpool as a character has a tendency to annoy me but damn Ryan Reynolds did a great job walking that thin line and delivered the best iteration of Deadpool I’ve ever seen. The movie is was the only superhero movie to come out this year, that I saw, that wasn’t the exact same garbage nonsense we’ve seen what feels like a thousand times by now. Yeah, I’m looking at you, you piece of utter shit Civil War. Or, as it should be called: We didn’t have a good fight choreographer and uh Bucky can block a shotgun blast with his hand and somehow Caps team which is basically just a bunch of normal dudes and scarlet witch, and somehow they beat iron mans team cause the writers are lazy and just churning out these pieces of shit at this point, no I’m not just angry about Cap making out with that blonde bitch after Peggy died, fuck you that movie was a complete mess and you know it. That felt good, glad I got that off my chest, lets get back to Deadpool, because it has the camera guy from Cloverfield in it and I love him and this movie was a beautiful breath of fresh air and left me very excited about the next guardians of the galaxy because hopefully it wont fall into the same traps the rest of marvel has.

2. Your Name/ Kimi no na Wa: Mokoto Shinkai could animate himself taking a shit and I’d probably love every second of it. Seriously though, I love his work, and this film was the best he’s done since Voices From a Distant Star. It has heart, gorgeous animation, great characters, and a nice dose of humor that is usually absent in his films. It’s an amazing film and if it doesn’t win best animated film at the oscar’s then they’re racist and they have no taste.

1. Arrival: When me and my mom got into the car after seeing this she started bawling. Just sobbing uncontrollably. Normally when my mom gets emotional its over things I consider dumb or just not worth crying over but this time I understood it. This movie might be one of the more moving things I’ve seen in awhile. Way back in the day, I read a book called My Name is Asher Lev, and the book starts with a quote from Kafka: “A book must be the axe for the frozen sea within us.” This has always been something of my compass for what separates a good thing from a great one. And by god this movie was great. Sure, it is a little cheesy, I’ll be the first to admit that, but I just don’t care. Cheesy or not this film spoke to me in ways a movie hasn’t in too long. I choking back tears so many times during the film and Amy Adams performance was masterful. This is easily the best film I’ve seen this year, and will make my list of best films of all times. I’ve seen almost all of Dennis Villenvue’s films up to Arrival, and his films have a tendency of being very dispassionate and emotionally sterile and it was truly wonderful to see him make a movie that was bursting at the seems with feeling. I could sing the praises of this film forever so I’ll end it there.

So there we have it, 10 films I saw this year and left the theater going, “Man that wasn’t as shitty as some of the other films I saw this year that was nice!” Now theres some films that just didn’t make the cut so heres some honorable mentions:

Finding Dory, Train to Busan, Kubo and the Two Strings, Star Trek Beyond and Girl on the Train.

And now some of the Shittiest movies I had the complete displeasure sitting through: Civil War (huge surprise), Don’t Breathe, Ghostbusters, Jason Bourne, and I’m sure theyre some I’m forgetting cause I don’t want to remember them.

Allin in all there were a lot of films I wanted to see that I didn’t get to, but hopefully this year I can make a list of 10 films that I enjoyed seeing! Let me know what y’all thought and I’ll see you all later with some other list in the coming days!