#i really do hope tumblr isnt going to delete this JUST BECAUSE im posting it with my phone

[zeltqz]

niyaaaa do u have any tips for people who wanna get into fic writing? 👀

i don’t really get how the whole posting format for fics works on here tbh 😭 and like your info area it’s so cool

YEAH OFC!! btw dm me your username so i can follow and support you <3

tip 1- the posting format isnt that hard to get used to actually its just you create a tumblr text post and then copy and paste your fic onto it, add the tags and stuff then post it. if you want to add banners, headers and stuff to make it look better then go ahead, just add images to the text post

tip 2- the info area is the same as above, just add pictures of your choice etc to the text post, add your information, name, age, fav things etc and then to link posts to your post, highlight where u want the link to go, then copy the link of the post u want linked then press the hyperlink that looks like two chains linked together when you highlight the text if that makes sense? sounds like a lot but its rlly not i promise haha

tip 3- always type your fics on other apps like word or google docs since they have an auto save feature!! i dont reccomend typing your fics on tumblr since one if the app crashes, it doesn't automatically save your work so everything you wrote will get deleted (some versions of tumblr do have autosave, my laptop has it but my phone and iPad doesn't, so i dont rely on it)

tip 4- idk if you want tips on actual fic writing or just how to get your fics onto tumblr but ill help you with that anyway. with me when i write fics i always imagine it out in my head. theres some of my fics where i just went with the flow and wrote wgatever came to mind and those are the fics i hate the most because they dont rlly make sense to me. theyre always so random and it just seems rushed and bad.

i picture my fics like a scene in my head and whatever i want the character to do, think, say or feel i write that shit down asap. i use other online sources to help get more descriptive like the emotion theasurus <- honestly one of my favourite things to use ever, they have so much body language to use for every emotion in the damn book

dialogue is also something i find difficult. i've improved i personally feel like but its still hard for me especially if im writing a new character. i never want to make the character seem OOC so i do lots of research before hand. i normally use the wiki to read up on a characters personality.

for example i'll use ran for this since he's like 99% of my account lmao. in the wiki, he's described as "naturally whimsical toward others which makes him inscrutable" though ran doesnt have many scenes in the manga (which i hate bc i love him sm) its impossible to actually write him down to a tee so i use that naturally whimsical description to make him playful, charismatic, carefree etc, going off what little information i have with him.

getting a characters personality down is what can make or break a dialogue. for me when im reading a fic of a character and their dialogue is so OOC it puts me off and i dont even wanna read. so i apply my same fic icks to myself and think if I don't like seeing this and that in a fic, why would I incorporate those in my fics and have ppl get put off it if they have the same fic icks as me?

hope that makes sense!!

tip 5- dont rush yourself at all. i used to rush a few of my fics and i just ended up hating it so much after and fought bck the urge to delete them so many times but then i'd see people's comments and realise i was being too harsh on myself. i'd keep them up but i'd just hate seeing them get attention.

rushing only makes you hate your work and the quality of your work will decline if you are not in the right headspace.

thats also why i have the don't rush me thing in my rules because not only is it annoying to see people constantly asking for updates, it also makes me mad because i know i'll just put out a piece of garbage if i did rush.

also another tip don't give yourself deadlines!! if you know your writing consistency can be a little sloppy, don't tell your followers that you're going to upload every so and so day. if something happens and you miss the deadline, you'll feel bad and rush something out and most times out of ten, a rushed fic doesn't do well. so take your time and don't rush.

tip 6- dont listen to what other people say or feel obligated to write something you don't wanna. establish your boundaries!! for example, from day one i started this blog i said im accepting requests but i will not write anything to do with non-con, incest or minors. i made sure that was out there so i wouldn't feel uncomforable writing anything i wasn't comfy with.

there are people on this app that may like your writing and request you to write something for them. you are not obligated to write anything for anyone! don't feel like you have to just because they asked nicely.

if you want to accept requests you can im not saying you shouldn't, im saying don't feel like you have to. you always have a choice. its your blog.

tip 7- remember this isn't a job. you're allowed to take breaks, allowed to have a personal life. don't feel like you need to be updating every day. i used to think i was obligated to be uploading consistently at least every week because i was obsesssed with engagement and seeing peoples comments and was scared if i took a break ppl will unfollow. now i honestly don't care. i'm not active as much as i used to because of school and that's fine! if ppl want to leave, let them. don't feel like you're forced to keep being active in order to keep your follower count stable.

tip 8- this app can get really toxic sometimes. luckily enough i've only had one toxic anon in my inbox and i've been on this app for a year. some people have so many, some ppl get harrassed etc. if that happens to you just be prepared since there's no actual way to find out who's behind anons. you can turn off your anon options which means if ppl want to inbox you something then their account will be showing. some people arent comfortable with that and that's fine! i keep mine on because i want people to feel comfortable on my page.

just remember though if you ever feel like this app is getting overwhelming take breaks! for the sake of your mental health take breaks. i know so many writers on here that took breaks and came back healthier and stronger.

i feel like this tip goes for social media in general. as much as i love social media im aware how unhealthy it is. breaks are so important for you. remember that.

i can't think of anymore tips right now but if i have some more i will edit the post and add it on.

if u have anymore questions about the tumblr posting format dm me and ill help you out :))

[fauslayer]

2 3 7 11 & 12?

‼ theres some suggestive to downright implicative shit going on in this one (due to the nature of the first question) watch out ‼

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

it deleted my entire thang i have to type it.again hold on

ok this is a tough one. because i have like. insane people thoughts on faust guilty gear and sexuality mostly revolving around his canonical masochism and how that intersects with his atonement complex and his profession.

I Do Not Think Faust Tops In The Ways People Think He Would, Usually. theres been an exception or two where i understand fully where OP is coming from and it feels like they understand both why hes desirable and how he would wish to be desired rather than just wanting a size difference “”monsterfucker qualifier“” character to jump after. but these are exceptions in an already rare enough situation.

I Think He COULD Top If He Wanted To Though. talking pre-strive i imagine he could be caring about it but i think sex with him in a more traditional sense would lack closeness. i think there are some things you can only strip bare from him if you get a little weird. i have conflicting thoughts on the common placement of him in a sort of medicalplay or “sex as treatment” scenario where i think the only way it would be Truly intimate and not just him using his body as an extension of his profession without much care to his own physicality and such would be like. I don't know bro you have to get a little weird with him! am i even allowed to talk about fausts canonical masochism on tumblr dotcom.

TLDR there should be more serious character exploration of pre-strive faust and how he expresses himself as a vessel for servicing others and how that interlocks with his self-proclaimed “shameful” masochistic desires and the freedom that only actual selfishness in this regard can give him. and there should also be more exploration of sexuality with post-strive faust because You motherfuckers cannot be that afraid of him. If you already want his kidney scraper so goddamn bad you can care for him a little bit more.

What happened I blacked out.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr

if this was on twitter (so many people are weird about faust there) or ao3 (i dont want to ask triptych_triptych_triptych why they're so mad that guilty gear doesnt show faust and may experiencing anti-asian racism as a result of 9/11, which did not happen in the guilty gear universe, because id rather not read another word of their pseudointellectual nonsense parading their lack of media literacy and completely unnecessary self-flagellation as Real Transsexual Art) i would have perhaps worse things to send but here you go

this post was so long and disgustingly descriptive while saying pretty much nothing at all. when i sent this to my friends to complain about i blur-stretched everything past the first couple lines in mspaint because i think looking at it unfiltered in the future (like now) would make me literally fucking tremble with rage and i have forgotten OPs url. i hope i blocked them but i have the memory of an ant. you only really need the first few lines to know this post is insanely bad. and this isnt a dig on it for being a Sex Post. i just think if youre the kind of rinse and repeat nothingburger blog whose entire outwards appearance is that of a postironic "im not like the other channies" 4channer who thinks theyre hot shit because theyre over 20 and Not Afraid To Say Slurz you probably shouldnt touch guilty gear because without love it cannot be seen and you desperately need to find love for yourself before you touch ky kiske again. ok

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

i really dont want to say bidget. i love bidget. bidget is a reminder of self love and discovery, of living and growth and understanding and all that shit. i look at her in-game or i listen to the town inside me and i think about that time daisuke said smth in that interview that amounted to “i make a lot of guilty gear characters because i want underrepresented people to see a vision of happiness for themselves“.

but oh my god nobody that Posts Her seems to get it. all i see are the same tired memes and using her as just boring-ass iconography. claiming that she SHOULD be more popular than the Mean Brown Protagonist because shes a transgender white woman who has a side-part in the main plot. like holy shit im SO grateful shes here and that They Fixed Her but oh my god dude ive genuinely heard more than one person say that they were glad that she seemed like the protagonist more than sol.

11. number of fandom-related words you’ve filtered

my only filtered tags are Goncharov (just didnt find it funny but not in an offensive way and wanted to let everyone have their fun) and umineko spoilers but back when i was a moreso mentally unwell teenager i had like every variant of zato-1 muted that i could possible come up with. i would say i dont know what was wrong with me but i was like 17 and going through some things.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I THOUGHT YOU GUYS LOVED TWINKS WHERES THE ADORATION AND CARE FOR MY GOOD FRIEND ZAPPA GUILTY GEAR!! not only is he, on a surface and aesthetic level, sooooooo kyute but i think hes genuinely very gripping. he had to be stronger for himself than i think he shouldve ever had to be and i kinda wish we got a light novel chronicling him trying to dispel the ghosts before landing his government job or something like that.

[creacherkeeper]

hi there, sorry if this is weird to ask? and do not feel obligated to answer this or anything, feel free to delete/ignore or anything. just, i really really love the concept for your haunting rpg? and i've been keeping an eye on the kickstarter, but i don't have the means to contribute rn. with the end coming so soon, i was wondering if there are other ways to support? or maybe what happens if and it doesn't make the goal? sorry if that's weird. i wish you so much luck with the last few days <3

no worries at all anon, i really appreciate this question actually <3

the best thing you can do for the kickstarter is spread the word in whatever ways youre comfortable. i know the subject of the game is pretty sensitive so that can be hard sometimes, but if you can reblog or make a post on tumblr, post on other social medias (like ttrpg subreddits etc), or even just word of mouth tell people you know about it. i genuinely started this with. no mailing list, which is a big no no. just kind of to see how much traction i could get for a project like this. and looking back there's definitely things i would do differently, but the first try is always for practice!

if we don't meet the funding goal, the game will still be published. i will take extra time to study and source all the material that's in the game right now. i wanted another professional set of eyes on it, but i am a social worker myself as well, with a good amount of experience working in trauma care, as well as personal experience with trauma recovery and post traumatic growth, so i feel very confident that even just me working on it myself it is still a game that can help people. i will publish it under the disclaimer that i was the sole member of this team working on it and am only working with my own knowledge and learning. but its a game i really believe in and i want it to get into the hands of the people who need it

i will publish it for sale but i am going to keep community copies (free copies on itch) stocked as much as possible because i think mental health resources need to be more accessible. part of the funding on the kickstarter was paying myself for the dozens of hours i've sunk into this already, but once the game is published this really isnt one that im like. trying to use for profit. this is something i believe in and i want to get into the hands of the people who need it

i hope that answers your questions, but if not feel free to send in another ask or message me privately. im completely open to answering whatever i can about this project or this topic. i really appreciate your interest and i hope you have a lovely day <3

[cosplayprincess21]

I posted 471 times in 2022

140 posts created (30%)

331 posts reblogged (70%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@acilykos-art

@disasterpersonified

@im-surviving-off-of-tea11

@the-ancient-ocean

@headphonemouse

I tagged 226 of my posts in 2022

#dr stone - 176 posts

#dcst - 168 posts

#dr. stone - 151 posts

#drst - 127 posts

#gen asagiri - 72 posts

#asagiri gen - 72 posts

#ryusui nanami - 59 posts

#senku ishigami - 54 posts

#kohaku - 51 posts

#nanami ryusui - 42 posts

Longest Tag: 114 characters

#seriously ive rewatched dr.stone. how i met your mother. the originals and moriarty the patriot multiple times now

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Senku hcs

Oh this shall be fun

Realizes he's aromantic asexual in middle school. Everyone else was going on about romance and dating and all that other stuff, and all he cared about was science.

Was the one lecturing people in elementary school about why certain super powers can't be real and crushed the hopes and dreams of those wanting lazer vision

Would secretly leave Taiju money or other things he needed but pretended he had no idea where they came from

Since hes the definition of aroace, his gaydar is never wrong

Tried to figure out if he could turn himself into a robot as a kid, it did not work

Speaking of robots, he had robot pj's up until he was 11 in which he traded them for science ones

His experiments would make stay up late into the night, so naturally, he developed a taste for energy drinks.

At night he will sometimes think of Byakuya and remember all the memories he has with his dad, he might try to act like the man was embarrassing and all, but deep down hes a kid who never got to say goodbye to his dad

The only two people he can fully confide in are Taiju and Yuzuirha

While its common for kids who are adopted to want to know about their biological parents, he doesnt. He had Byakuya after all, and Byakuya is his dad, nothing else matters.

Hope you like them. Senku is a very fun character to make headcanons for.

45 notes - Posted March 28, 2022

#4

no one in Dr.STONE is an autistic retard so why do you plan to make a post about it? just cause you're retarded doesnt mean they are

congrats you got me to use Tumblr Desktop instead of my phone because im going to have a lot to say.

First of all, fuck off with the R word here, its an outdated and harmful term thats rooted in Ableism. Secondly i was going to ignore this and delete it when i saw the first line but then you also decided to insult me so you know enjoy getting your ass handed to you.

But whats wrong with noticing that certain characters in Dr.STONE are ASD coded? Like everyone accepts that Ryusui has ADHD but being autistic is something bad right? News Flash it isnt. Also show me where in the manga that Sai and Yuzuriha dont show traits of autism? i feel explaining to you would be a waste of energy but just know this is only going to make my post on it even longer cause holy fuck the beginning will now have a rant about people like you. Do me a favor and never send an ask here again and kindly fuck off.

Also this comment really pissed me off and i was going to focus on just Sai and Yuzuriha but now im gonna add Magma,Senku and Ruri to this as well cause ive also been seeing them as ASD coded but have been keeping that to myself.

47 notes - Posted August 13, 2022

#3

so i finished fmab

sobbing crying wailing etc it was SO GOOD and completely destroyed me at the same time fhjfjkfjhfkjhsahjsdjhfkjdjghdkjsk definitely the anime of all time

welcome to the world of FMAB. The obsession will never leave, and the pain gets worse with every rewatch. But with that also comes seeing little things you never noticed before which makes the series even better. 

47 notes - Posted January 23, 2022

#2

Ok so ill be posting about the final chapter soon but. IM SO HAPPY SENKU DIDNT GET ANY LOVE INTERESTS. HES AROACE AND STAYS AROACE HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

54 notes - Posted March 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Ok but i really need to know what people have against aroace characters? Like theres nothing wrong with any character being aroace but for some reason it just causes others to be so upset and for what? Ive seen it with mostly One Piece and The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. Luckily havent seen it as much with Dr.STONE or at least on tumblr. The number of people ive blocked on tiktok for getting upset about Senku being CANONICALLY aroace is ridiculous. But yeah can someone just explain this to me? Cause aroace exist and we do deserve to have our representation in media and not in the "oh im rude because im aroace and thats my only personality" way. But in a way where we ardnt dehumanized for not feeling romantic or sexual attraction.

331 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[rizzystem]

hey uh !! - i was wondering about uh moobloom kin haven ?? i saw ur latest post and i wanna get into the kinning fandom , but i noticed the uhhhh " drama " around the kin haven . could i uh , know what happened , and what the blog was about ?? i ' m sorry if i ' m being annoying : /

hello! not annoying at all! i wouldnt call it drama per say and i havent checked updates just because it takes a heavy toll on my mental health and im trying to focus on myself right now after a lot of private drama.

basically, moobloom kin haven was a huge blog that me and some friends made earlier this year, to fufill requests for those who were kin, IRLs or DAs, or systems, so they could get content and just to do requests and make others happy. we gained a lot of traction and everyone worked really hard, but eventually we started getting around 40 requests per day and we were very stressed because exams were coming up, and for 3/4 mods, it was their first times doing exams(with the exception of me), so the blog wasnt abandoned, but requests were slow. eventually, two mods didnt have any motivation, and they left working on the blog but we were still friends while me and another mod carried on every now and then, but the inbox stayed pretty closed. the blog was pretty popular, we hit around 500 followers and had a lot of anons who requested frequently and loved the blog we had a discord, etc.

then came some friend group drama. some people may have seen two of the mods' posts on their personal tumblr and at the time, kin/aesthetic accounts( i believe? ) about the situation, which then we had to get adults involved to take the posts down because of the safety of some involved. because of this, two of the mods were no longer comfortable being my and another mods friends, which i completely understand and im still working on moving past it. by this point, the other mod had also left, so i was the only mod who remained, but i was going to open up mod applications for those who used to request to help after i finished my exams because i didnt want to fail. unfortunately, one day during school, the account was deleted by another mod. this lead to me making an announcement in the discord, which led to one of the former friends and mods making a post about it, leading me to reword my statement, leading to the other mod posting about the situation. i cant blame either of them, and i couldve definitely said my original statement a little better, i admit. anyways, the google account for the blog was deleted, leading the blog to be deleted and i was in the provess of remaking it but this time on my own. (it was confirmed later on that one of the former mods had deleted it and then lied online).

i said in the discord a couple times that i would be remaking it when i had the time, but with a lot of family and personal drama going on, it was very hard to find the time, leading to a couple days ago/a week ago(?), where a new account had taken the username of our blog. i do not have ownership to that new blog, and im very confused on the new moobloom kin haven and their motives, after they said that they were fans and also then said that we stole the blog name from them? but anyways, all you need to know is that one kin blog isnt representing drama for the entire kin community. we are one aspect, and an even smaller one, we're mostly dedicated to the mcyt side of things anyways. i do hope i can get the account back, because moobloom kin haven, when i worked as a mod on it geniunely made me so so happy and i cant help but feel terrible for it being deleted and replaced now. the kin haven was just a small blog me and a few friends made to connect more into the kin community, but now the original is unfortunately gone. dont let this deter you from discovering yourself! do some research on kin, specifically a good carrd is fkin.carrd.co (I THINK. THATS JUST FROM MEMORY), get informed and see if youre kin with anyone or anything! i hope that this explanation helps, and clears up anything who was previously following me for moobloom

i am working on getting the account back. my priority is my mental health, but there are a lot of issues recently thats popped up because of that, but !!! i am trying !! i promise <3!/p

- Wilbur(Mod Wil)

[xulips]

hello kuzusoudam nation, got room for one more?

[miniaturecollectiveendermen]

I saw your headcannons and I love them so much !~ Could you maybe do some more for Kaeya, Gorou and Beiodu? I hope I did this right, I didn't see anything about requests so Im just hoping you take requests ! thank you again :))

-💅anon (I also didn't see anything about anon's so I hope spots are still open/you have spots at all !)

hello!! first off yes anon slots and requests are open

secondly im sorry this took a while i finished and was about to post but tumblr crashed and deleted my draft and i immediately forgot everything i wrote

genshin headcannons - part 2 ♡

warnings: gn!reader / no pronouns mentioned, nothing else jus pure fluff

beidou

beidou is canonically really strong so i think she loves picking up her s/o whether thats by throwing them over he shoulder, carrying them bridal style or having them sit on her shoulder as she carries them around liyue harbour

beidou really loves when you praise her so she tends to go out of her way in order to try and impress you, whether its carrying extra heavy things or helping out random people with errands anything thatll make you compliment her

shes like your personal cheerleader

anything you do no matter how small, beidou would tell you how proud she is of you and how well you did

kaeya

kaeya likes kissing the back of your hand, like a lot

i think he would try to cook for you as often as he can which isnt much because hes usually busy but when he does his cooking is amazing but oh god the mess

he spends like 3 minutes trying to clean whatever mess he made only to get overwhelmed not knowing where to start and give up

youre one of the very few people who he would let braid or play with his hair

he loves when you wear his clothes

especially because it smells like you afterwards and its makes him feel closer to you

gorou

youre the only person who gorou lets touch his ears and tail

he reluctant at first but he ends up enjoying it

never letting you pet him around his soldiers tho

he likes when you come to see him at work especially on a stressful day because your presence makes him feel calm

this ones kinda stupid but that thing when dogs wanna show you something so they make you follow them and if you stop they stop and look back at you until you start following them again, yeah thats gorou

gorou wants you as far away from yae miko as possible solely because he doesnt want her to tell you ways to tease him

anyways thats all i have for now, i hope you enjoy <3

[nndefunctlolgoawaypls]

i was wrongfully harassed by several accounts over the fact that my snake I shipped (named Arson) to a very lovely person who wanted to take him in made some posts suggested I scammed them out of $100. but that isnt the case and we worked out details privately. Long story short the delivery truck transporting Arson was involved in a highway wreck, rerouted to another city and his shipping box was wrongly packaged with all the non-live animal shipments on that particular truck to a storage facility/local PO. Idk why they didnt have him in a temperature controlled van or truck or whatever when I paid $53.47 for overnight live reptile shipping but whatever i dont work in a PO thank god. so anyway please disregard any further posts on the subject as i have always been a very private person who wants my privacy back since the matter is settled between me and the other party involved. If Arson is alive then they are coming to pick him up in person to avoid anything like this further. Im also trying to pay back the $100 anyway since there's a chance right now hes dead in storage and I feel its very wrong to take money without handing over the final product (what people sent me death threats over and accused me of doing) etc etc. So that all said I'm not making any other donation posts or rehoming posts on Tumblr either for my mental health should something like this occur again and the information gets twisted into something it just isnt by random followers of the main ppeoole involved, yknow before its all on the table by all parties, which I fins weird because i NEVER, EVER assume guilt (though perhaps I'm too navie idk). I think it was a mistake at all to try to rehome a live animal on this site and im sorry for any drama, hurt, or anything else I caused in this intentionally or not. It isnt my fault the PO didnt immediately inform me the truck wrecked but Its my mistake for not sharing that I didn't know what was going on with his shipment before it got out of hand.

I wont be posting here again either, I'm not "running away from drama" so mucb as I have servere PTSD and shit, and I cant really find peace on a blog I got sent multiple very highly specific death threats and messages to. And was told I hope I do end up homeless on, after I have been traumatized by being homeless as a kid And as an adult. So its a tough decision but a final one, this blog will be deleted soon ✌️

Peace out, I wont be around and you'll never find me unless you know me

[millsv2]

"Twitter" Ramblings

I just did a big thread on twitter that I'm gonna cross post here because idk I feel like it has some good thoughts. Sorry if it sounds a bit weird here since it was a bit disjointed and cause its Twitter posts™

For Context: I, in my immense worrying, decided to go through my entire following list on twitter and try to see if they had a tumblr or art station to follow in case Twitter really does truly burn to the ground.

---

Yippie! ive hit the point of worrying that im now actually scrolling through every person i follow to see if they have a Tumblr or Art Station or w/e the fuck

I ended up finishing this last night... all 1,527 people i follow... absolutely deranged behavior... but now i have the peace of mind that i follow a decent chunk on another social media...

I wont lie everything thats been going on with [Twitter] because of HIM is legitimately deeply concerning to me... No other social media works like Twitter does for artists seeking employment... Like i know im not popular [on Twitter], but it widens the base to connect with others

and having said base immensely increases job prospects. Literally my friend recently got a job with the assistance of Twitter connections (and i couldnt be happier for them). Its a very real thing, and unfortunately to my knowledge, no other true social media has anything similar

Like sure you could make the case that its on Art Station or LinkedIn too but to me those are far too professional and more just "gallery sites". Same with deviant art and New Grounds those are also just gallery sites I have a gallery, its my portfolio website.

I think if things really do go to shit, I of course still wont delete my twitter... but any actual interaction with people will be greatly reduced and mostly move to tumblr, even though my following is way tinier [on Tumblr]... It'll mostly become "i just share art [on Twitter] and thats it"

I know people are making Lists and such to keep track of people but like... when a site is becoming actively hostile to you for not spending money on it??? i dont want to spend my time here...

again this isnt the "im leaving cya bye forever" post im still sticking around till everything truly burns to the ground... but i definitely needed to set up alternate places to share my work far sooner (other than instagram cause lord i hate insta)

If thoughts do end up getting shared [on Twitter] after everything (stuff like this) itll probably just be crossposted from tumblr since it has a button to post to twitter (idk how it works though lol)

So again, to all the people that follow me and enjoy my work. Please follow me on other social media. My links are on my website at the top right.

I just hope it turns around for this site

---

I know following doesnt matter as much here on Tumblr (the site literally does not show your follower count to anyone but you)... but i genuinely hope i can get back to even my small twitter numbers... Like dont worry im not a massive clout chaser or anything...

but posting into a void to only receive interactions in the single digits really does fucking sting.

Like at least on Twitter or Insta i can post stuff and will average around like... 30-50 likes on a post... which of course isnt a lot, but its nice seeing my friends among them and the occasional new person and hoping that seeing my work at least made them smile to see it. anyways im just hoping anyone that followed me on twitter will find me here and that i can make some new friends with people here too.

[demi-chaos]

since the author of this fic has comments turned off, im turning to tumblr to sing my praises.

(if they somehow see this and want me to take it down i gladly will)

Falling For You by 1967HogwartsGoddess on AO3 is a fic that humbled me.

i should start by saying that i was ignorant. I saw the name of the fic and it's summary along with a couple of tags and i jumped right it. "it shouldn't take me too long to read" i assumed.

i was wrong

this beast of a fanfic was 69 chapter, clocking in at ~270k words total. i didn't check the word count, and while i wish i did, i dont regret not having done so. It took me 6 hours to read, i stayed up until 9am to read it all, and i clung to every word.

i loved so much about it right from the start. for one, it felt like the author had taken the original books' style and mastered it. i loved the fact that they bothered to switch povs in the same way the hoO books do, it felt very natural and ended up making the world feel more real than if they had just stuck to percy's perspective only. i also love the little quips here or there, the references, the scene building, the attitude reminded me so much of why i loved pjo in the first place. im impressed, shocked, amazed and in awe of them.

this fic is heavy. really heavy. like smash your character into a cliffside and watch them struggle to survive type of heavy and i absolutely love it. i couldn't get enough. like percy, everytime i thought something was over, that it was getting better, i was smacked in the face with yet another event. i loved every second of it. everything. every little torture scene, every battle, every step back and step forward he took, i treasured. i especially loved how hopeless it got. there were many moments when i thought "yea this is how the story ends. bye percy" but i was a fool. he kept on trucking, struggling, and surviving. and ahhh! i loved it.

also? can i just say? part that i thought would have been the ending that just turned out to be mid-fic when percy came back from tartarus and found out that annabeth was dead? every scene from threatening the hell hound to keep the button pressed to him punching his dad to cursing out hades was amazing. my heart didn't beat once as i just thought "oh shit oh fuck oh shit oh fuck" and???

HAVING HIM GO BACK THERE??? AGAIN??? RIGHT AFTER HE'D BARELY LEFT? A GENIUS! i almost screamed when hades told him to go down again. that entire moment felt heart stopping honestly! and then the torture, the struggle, the constant failure time after time. the hallucinations. it was just so !!!!!!!!!!! and when he thought he got out but it was just another fucked up layer of torture? oh goodness

the emotional fuckery in this fic is delicious. i felt bad for everyone in the most delectable way. obviously for percy and annabeth, but also for every single party involved. i felt bad for the campers who couldn't save annabeth from dying, for those who love percy who had to witness him go mad and almost turn on them in the final battle. i felt soooo baaaad i loved it so much.

oh shit i didn't even mention the curse! one of the best long term callbacks ive read in a long time!! having it be in part nico's fault was the cherry on top.

i can't even begin to think about how long this took to plan, write, edit and edit again. for such a long fic, i didn't come across a single grammatical error, continuity error or spelling mistake. while yes, coming across these kinds of things isnt world ending, but the fact that this fic had none? blew my mind away. ive written 2k word chapters that are so riddled with mistakes i had to delete the whole thing and try again, so having it be so clean was fantastic. i was impressed! my socks were blown off and my head exploded.

real quick, the reason im posting it here not on the fic where i wish it were, its because of shitty people doing shitty things. i hope the person who fucked with the author's works and privacy goes to hell. that shit sucks and no one deserves it

overall, this is one amazing fic that i am really happy to have read. i love reading these types of fanfics where it feels like another chapter or alternate version to the original, and im always blown away by it.

author, thank you so much for your probably hundreds or thousands of hours of work on this. im really happy to have witnessed such a thing <3

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?

ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH

uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)

so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too

another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)

as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.

then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD

i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)

in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.

i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)

anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)

uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha

ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow

BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[ask-artsy-oncie]

What is your relation with the Once-ler fandom? I saw that on the wiki you were, and are, the only tumblr still active whose account isnt gone or hasnt posted in over 3 years. Sorry if theres a place that has this information, but im rather curious.

Hi! I used to be a Onceler ask blog and (decently prolific) roleplay account from 2012-2014! I no longer am but kept everything on this blog rather than go back to my personal account I had at the time because I'm lazy all my roleplay friends were here and a few were even interested in the non-Lorax-related drawings I was starting to put out. Therefore, I kinda had more incentive to stay on an account where I had a small audience than to one where I literally had none. I was never a massive part of the community, but I was here from the beginning of the fandom (and having actually been around from the beginning, I really have no patience for the retroactive bullying of the fandom that's so popular today ¯\_( ツ)_/¯)

For a while I tried to at least keep this blog themed properly and just deemed a lot of my unrelated drawings and postings as "OOC", but as the roleplay scene for the fandom began to die down and my other interests were starting to get a LOT more attention, like people started following me specifically for these non-Lorax things I was drawing and stopped associating me with the Lorax alltogether, I completely rethemed the blog, keeping the URL so I wouldn't be breaking any links. This was in 2016. I already had an audience here so here was where I was staying, just as me, now, instead of as a Onceler.

I do feel a little bad, because I would submit myself as an active Lorax-related/Onceler blog to masterlists trying to keep track of us all, but that was back when I actually was relevant to that fandom. Since I no longer am, I don't know if I properly fit the criteria to even be on these lists anymore. At the very least, I am a legitimately old name in the fandom, and I've seen a lot first-hand, so I could always be a resource for stuff like that n-nU

I don't post about it much at all anymore, because I do not control the hyperfixation, of course, but I do still have a dedicated tag to spreading good vibes for anyone who still adores the movie and/or fandom (labeled "Good Fandom Feels (Lorax)" on my blog! Or, simply /tagged/good-fandom-feels)

That being said, if you go back far enough on this blog trying to find my Lorax-related stuff, you're probably going to find problematic shit I've reblogged or roleplayed because I just. Legitimately didn't know any better at the time. I've tried going back and deleting some of the stuff I remembered, but alas it was 9 years ago, now, so I doubt I got everything. I hope there's at least some peace of mind that, as it was nearly a decade ago, I am a different person, now.

There's like the briefest explanation of all this on my blog's description but yeah I don't think I've really gone into detail about all this. I just assumed that everyone interested in the Lorax fandom would have already watched my blog change over time, so I didn't think it was necessary. I'll put it in my FAQ for anyone interested to find easily.

[quirklessidiot]

I can't believe the first long post i have in a while is this and not a new fanfic huhu im so sorry ive been ignoring yall

(Tw: mentions of trauma and mental health as I explain some plot differences)

first off, to the two anons, thank you for reaching out! it did worry me for quite a bit that two seperate people had told me about it. It made me even want to delete the whole work after tbh since well it feels off and i don't really like the idea of having my stuff copied since i worked hard on that (despite it being bad yes thats why i was confused in the first place why someone would ecen want to palgarize it since its not even a super duper original idea)

Thankfully,,, the similar thing only would be y/n running away with her twins qnd the boy loving the girl too much either ways,,, the whole vibe was different so I didn't think it was plagarized at all.

For instance, In the other writer's story, Y/N actually gets and wants to tell him off the bat but because of sakusa's lousy parents, she cant do it, I'd say her mc's stronger i guess, if sakusa didnt had lousy ass parents?? I mean she was willing to fess up when i read it in the beginning.To surmise, Her MC's mentally healthier and seems to be a good mom off the bat?? Idk thats the vibe i got from the story like if kiyoomis parents werent like those parents from those kdramas, they'd be doing aigt since she was literally ready to tell him.

Meanwhile, coward's 'y/n' never wanted to tell him, right off the bat, she didnt hesitate. She never planned to tell him or anyone who he was ever. Even daiki had to solve that on his own. She was willing to bring it to her grave because she knows she'd rather die alone than risk ending up like her parents. She is portrayed from the very beginning as someone who never got over her childhood trauma. In shorter terms, she isn't as mentally or emotionally strong as the other author's MC.

Thats one really huge difference I saw.

Anyways i could go on and tell the difference between the two. The ground work of coward has been done way too many times to count tbh, this had happened even before when someone had told me me and a fellow tumblr friend had a similar idea (but once again it was debunked). Even I admit that coward isnt a n original idea. like i said before i was inspired by that one kdrama 'what is love' hshaha and i just wanted to quench my thirst for writing.

either ways sentences, characterizations, etc aren't as similar as they seem to be yay 🥺❤ thank you all for the messages and i apologize for the worries, i hope each and everyone stays safe and hydrated this quarantine ❤🥺

[floridensis]

AH!

(im just rambling under the cut and it got loooong)

ive been looking for the phone i had at this time and i cant find it

okay do you remember back when instagram was for hipsters? like it was literally basically exclusively about putting vintage filters on your pictures to make them look old timey. good times. why cant we go back.

anyway back around (?????) i had an instagram and i literally have no idea if there was a social feature, if there was i never used it. i just used it to make some pretty pictures sometimes.

well back in (??????) we travelled to pennsylvania to visit family, and i loved the vibes there, so much older and less.... whatever its like in my part of florida. i must have decided to take some pictures that matched my vibe. i knew i took some really old cemetery photos and some street photos to instagram, but i had no idea i took this one.

i KNEW i captured this butterfly eating a crabapple, and i had some normal, non-filtered photos, one of which i had as my lock screen. its these photos ive been after for a long time now, because i want to find as many old photos as i can to upload to inaturalist. my main blog has been fantastic for excavating high school finds, but this butterfly has remained elusive. i think i had a tumblr at the time, but some time in the middle of high school something snapped and i manually deleted every single post on my blog with a small handful of hand picked exceptions, so just about everything from before then is no longer there. i never ever ever get rid of my old phones (or most things.... because i have issues) so i know i must have it but i just cant seem to find it anywhere. i was giving the butterfly up for lost. but i was looking at my massive folder full of my photography and related stuff that has only been around for a couple years, and i saw that i must have saved a small handful of my old instagram photos. i opened it expecting to just be nostalgic for pennsylvania but what do you know, i also struck gold!!!!

unfortunately, that instagram account is gone, and this photo is dated at 2017, which must have been when i originally re-discovered it and saved it. the picture is absolutely way older than that, but i have no idea when it was actually taken. my phone would have that information saved, but alas i cant find it. id date this as probably 2009-2011 but i am bad with time in a very big way. i think this might have been a summer visit. so im happy i have this and might upload it to inat in this condition, but i hope im not done. im going to show my mom some of the other instagram pics i had to see if she has an idea about when this was. she most definitely does have that answer though of course she could not pin down the exact date of my butterfly. i will also need her help because i know the exact location of where i took this but i dont actually know where it is. if she gives me the address thatd be perfect.

i also like.... hate the idea of uploading something with a filter but thats all i have until i can find that phoneeeee

(i bet when i find that phone ill also have bunny pictures that will make me literally weep.... i really hope i find it)

isnt it beautiful?

i love floridas nature but i detest the human parts. so modern and ugly. modern doesnt have to be ugly but it sure does like to be. i probably have some not-filtered cemetery shots because these stones were REALLY OLD, but again.... missing the phone. its like impossible to tell from these pics to see what the stones say but they dated back hundreds of years if memory serves.

call it my heavy cancerian influences, i have an immense draw to places and things with strong, long pasts. one day im going to accidentally bring a haunted object home. its hard to articulate my draw but its a feeling i cant deny

[mollydollyjournals]

Its Thursday 1st July and I hit post limit so all I can do is update this post

I just want to drink til i pass out

9:46pm - oh when did i post this? Doesnt matter i guess. It really annoys me that the daily post limit applies to all blogs you have. I have 2 and i follow a lot of NSF- stuff so i have so much in my queue for my other blog, and i tend to post more immediately for that so i dont end up with a massive backlog, but thaats when i hit the limit. Whatever it is. I basically just wish i could set the queue to post more often when i have more there. Just post every 15mins or whatever and it'd go through quicker without me having to do it myself

Idk it doesnt matter i guess. Im still just venting all my bullshit here that i cant put anywhere else. But now is when i need it. I want interaction and company but i dont want to bother anyone and I dont know what to do with it. I dont have it in me to try to be a person right now. Tumblr is for messy. At least thats how i do.

But once you hit post limit it apparently doesnt even let you delete stuff to post anything else. I havent been here in years really so i totally forgot. Plus it could have been different anyway. Idk. Guess i will just drink until i disintegrate or something

10:20pm - it just makes me feel worse. I know theres a reason for post limit and its not the end of the world. Just it doesnt reset til 5am and I'll be asleep by then which means for the rest of today i cant actually say anything, and that kinda fucks with my derealisation/depersonalisation/whatever it is. I need acknowledgement to feel real. I need people to remind me that i exist. Even just a little. Its stupid and insecure but i do. Everything is worse since covid and being stuck in a house with someone who barely acknowledges my existence. I feel like a ghost. I feel netter at least a little temporarily if someone just sees and acknowledges me. And currently i can't do anything about that. Nobody is going to go to my page(s) and see whats up, its not that kind of thing. Even if it was they still wouldnt. I put on my other social media fucking ages ago that i was really struggling, then i disappeared, and it took days for it to get noticed at all. Then only 3 people acknowledged it. People have their own lives and there are algorithms etc so i cant be angry at them, but the end result is i still feel really alone.

I often feel like i want to just talk to people. Only a select few. Its not that i necessarily need to talk about "deep" stuff, but i need to know that i could if i needed to. Or if we just both happened to be in that mood at the same time. Like how i dont wanna talk about something totally innocent and generic with someone who turns out to be racist or whatever.

I dont know. Maybe i do need to talk some shit through right now. Doesnt matter either way. Ill most likely just be back to this post later to say more about how i dont really feel like being alive.

10:39pm - I hate that im like this. I dont know if its reasonable or not. I used to be someone who wantes so much space. I still dont feel like i want to always be around people. I must have some individuality somewhere. But i cant find it. Since the pandemic hit especially, it just highlighted everything ive been missing and trying to supplement. I need things to change. But i dont have a hope of doing so while i feel like this. Im so lost. Ive spent my life trying to be confident in myself and ive run my reserves dry. I so rarely get any help topping up. I fucking hate the whole Strong Black Woman trope. Im tired. Ive carried my family since I was 13 and romantic partners have expected me to carry them too. I need to be held and comforted. I need support. If nothing else i need to just be acknowledged. I dont feel like a person. Im invisible and inaudible so much of the time and apparently that only changes when someone wants to see or hear me. When do i get to be a person in my own right? When does someone actually see or hear me for who i am and care about my existence regardless of what it does for them

10:54pm - its the worst of my mental health, tbh, that i dont feel like its worth trying anything if its not going to be acknowledged and welcomed by anyone else. Existing included. I feel my worst and most suicidal when i cant have anyone remember that i exist. Because maybe i dont. Maybe people dont miss me or think of me unless theyre reminded for some specific reason. And i say these things because i want to be proved wrong but why would anyone.

I want to cut. I hate this stupid post limit. I could have at least distracted myself by reblogging stuff for a bit. Im still spiralling. I need a distraction and there isnt one and there wont be one and if i even get through tonight itll just be another reminder that in the end im alone

11:24pm - something feels particularly cruel about not being able to post here, even if i delete stuff. Its just an app sure but its the closest thing i have to therapy. I came back here specifically because i was struggling posting on my regular social media and having people not pay any attention. I thought id make a fresh anonymous account where i could vent and my shitty brain couldnt take it personally if nobody acknowledged it. Now i just have all that shit going round my head and nowhere to put it. Im right back where i started. Nobody will read this. If they do they wont care. If by some chance they did they'll be put off by me being so negative.

"One day someone will hug you so tight all tour broken pieces will fit back together" yeah sure. Whatever.