#i really appreciate u pointing this out because you’re right. adoptees are allowed to be angry about our oppression and not be tone policed

[monsterfuckermilligan]

wanted to reblog with these tags because i think they’re really important! (i also agree 100%)

#this is real genuinely being adopted is worse than being Igbt saying this as a BT #also op you were well within your rights to be upset about that blog adoptees are not immune nor inculpable for perpetuating harm against--#other adoptees #and essentially working to perpetuate the adoption myth on a site filled with people who are one of the primary target customers #of the adoption industrial complex is deeply misguided at best #you're allowed to be mad as hell about someone parading around our oppression as if it's cute and fun for the amusement of outsiders #that is to say #i don't think you need to tone police yourself when pointing out that someone is perpetuating something bad #and that whether or not that blogger is an adoptee is irrelevent because they're doing harm — via @mothly

and i wanted to bring attention to the fact that i really did tone police myself while advocating for us not to be tone policed! oh, the irony. it’s so interesting to me that a fellow adoptee caught this behavior. it just shows how much we have to do this to ourselves in order to survive. it’s a hard line to walk in not feeling like i’m sounding rude or mean or inadvertently causing someone to feel as if my point is not a valid one, but that just loops back into us having to tone police ourselves and not being allowed to be angry about our oppression.

ultimately, my goal is to be accepting of every adoptee, regardless of where they are in their journey, and also be firm in my beliefs and advocacy. i do stand by what i said and think you put it wonderfully.

honestly i am worried about fictional adoption agency op being tokenized because of their blog/poll (“this adoptee is okay with this, there’s just mean adoptees out there who don’t let us have fun!”) but non adopted people are gonna non adopted people, unfortunately.

i do think it’s definitely misguided and unintentional because they have an understanding the people voting do not, which brings me to the point about poll voters and people on tumblr being a primary target for the adoption industry. that. is. absolutely. spot. on. that needed to be said because it is so so so fucking true. it’s another reason why i harp on adoption in fandom so much and the way media portrays it. since most of it is rather anti adoptee (in the way that it lacks complexity and/or has adoption in a positive/necessary light at best) and pro adoption industry. which this is just…straight up pro adoption industry. because the whole thing relies on acting as if adoption agencies don’t cause harm and dehumanizing us. they even use the same type of language that real adoption agencies use. it’s really distasteful (to put it lightly, i personally find the blog disgusting) and offensive. it is harmful and i genuinely hope nobody sees my apology as giving permission.

hey… not so quick question op……… are you not cishet? or do you love and respect any not cishet? better yet, have you ever even spoken to a not cishet person? or do you have knowledge about the cishet industry and the predatory behavior towards non cishet people? or do you just think that being not cishet is something cute and fun for stuffed or real animals that doesn’t happen to real people? i need you to explain why this is fun for you. you and all the people that do this stuff (voting or making these polls) owe real not cishet people explanations on why this is cute and not insensitive towards a marginalized group.

- hope you can hear how you sound bc ngl, it felt crazy to read your post. fucking. block people and shut up.

you really thought you did something with this but it really just puts it more into perspective on how adoptees are not taken seriously lmao. could i have blocked and moved on? yes. should i have? yeah, i even apologized to op because of it. i was unable to maintain control of my impulses, manage my own triggers, and practice solid emotion regulation at the time, and that’s on me. i take responsibility for that.

but your anon is just…yeah of course. how could i ever expect anything less? the fact is adoptees are mocked and belittled when we don’t think adoption is cute or act as if adoption is the human rights issue that it is.

adoption agencies are the backbone of the private adoption industry. they make money off of babies. they make money selling babies. this is an irrefutable fact.

they base our prices off of gender, age, disability, and race. they advertise in low income communities the most and tell first parents that their child will be better off with someone else. they tell them that it is an act of love. they take money from infertile couples, who are constantly told that they have ‘other options’ and given very little respect for the trauma and deep sadness infertility causes. they were started and popularized by a human trafficker named georgia tann. the adoption industry is now a multi billion dollar industry.

you are speaking to someone who just has to live with the knowledge that my adoption agency could’ve forged my documents because they did it to others. i am someone who has to accept that my adoption agency has been investigated for human trafficking. i am someone who exists with the knowledge that there is a price tag on my head. i was given to the people who bought me in a hotel room. compared to some of my friends, i am lucky, and my adoption was not wonderful by any means. i lost my first family, my siblings, my language, my country, and that doesn’t even count anything that happened after. i sounded like a person who’s been adopted who is angry that adoption is often not taken seriously, especially in fandom, and especially especially by (presumed) non adopted people.

you felt the need to parody my rb in an attempt to mock me and minimized the issues of two marginalized groups, and walked directly into the point.

one of the big differences in your comparison is that queer people and trans people are recognized by the majority, and legally to many countries, as a marginalized group. this is not true for adoptees. adoptees are 4x more likely to attempt suicide, more likely to be harmed and abused by their adopters, more likely to be killed, have higher rates of institutionalization and incarceration, and we even have our own remembrance day for those of us who don’t make it. it is this month. october 30th.

and as someone who is exceedingly educated on adoptee issues; the history of adoption, how it coincides with colonization and genocide when we talk about transnational adoption, transracial adoption, not to mention just the sheer amount how many of us have our records falsified by adoption agencies, how we are rehomed online, and the lack of regulation with the private adoption industry, and the way our identities are legally changed with no way of ever undoing it, this is genuinely not a 1:1 comparison.

queer issues are seen as real. adoptee issues are not.

it’s ironic to me because as a queer and trans person, i am allowed to be angry and pissed off to many people, even according to cishet people! i am allowed to make mistakes and still be seen as having a valid opinion even when i don’t express it correctly.

as an adoptee, however, i am always expected to be the bigger person, to just deal with it in silence, and if i have an issue, say it in the most polite way as to not offend anyone. as adoptees, we are just supposed to sit back and be fine with not having access to our medical records, we are supposed to be fine with how kids get posted online for people to buy adopt, ignore the amount of suicides and those of us who die by abusive adopters, and just be accepting of how the ACLU fought to give queer couples the right to adopt but won’t fight for adoptees’ rights because they financially benefit from the adoption industry. we’re supposed to just get therapy and never publicly express complex emotions or anger about the adoption industry or the way we are invalidated.

and honestly? that’s fucking bullshit. i don’t subscribe to that idea.

adoptees are allowed to be angry and make mistakes. we are human beings who have survived a trauma that isn’t even deemed as one by many. we shouldn’t have to be happy and grateful, kind and polite. this shouldn’t be the case. it’s not a commonly accepted practice to tell queer and trans people that we should be grateful for having to be closeted and shouldn’t express any negative emotions about our oppression or the violence we face. it’s not expected of us to just be quiet or respectful about our oppression.

adoptees deserve that same grace and respect. if you think otherwise, then do some internal reflection. that’s not my problem.

but… thank you for being an example of how adoptees are gaslit into staying silent about our injustices.

thank you for showing your whole ass and proving my point.

not to mention the hypocrisy of this anon in the first place; you could’ve just as easily blocked me and moved on, but you didn’t. you felt the need to mock me and say something you’re clearly uneducated about. you wanted me to know ‘how i sound’—well, you sound like maybe you should take your on advice. it’s also interesting to me how you kept it on anon so i couldn’t have a genuine conversation. hey…not so quick question anon……are you a fucking coward?