#i read somewhere that its a specific tactic but on tumblr??? REALLY???

[kicksnscribs]

Gotta love the comments where a person is like: "not to detract from the current super important and politically charged topic buuuuut *inserts something that is completely off topic and nitpicky as fuck that lasts for ten miles down the comments* "but yeah i dont want to derail anything lol"

And im just sitting here trying to find a shred of hope and good faith in the argument like:

[fenristheorem]

Hello!

I was wondering if you could write headcanons for Lance during episode 26? Maybe the most significant moments in the chapter but from his perspective and how he felt

Hello there! This is such an interesting ask! I've always considered what Lance may have been thinking through episode 26, but I honestly never actually thought too deep on it. I hope at some point Beemoov gives us a long conversation between Guardienne and Lance in ANE that talks about his perspective in that episode...

Also, sorry this took so long to write. Tumblr ate this ask a few times and spit it back out (I guess it didn’t taste right lol) so I’ve been inconsistent on when I could work on it. Then I somehow ended up re-writing one specific part of this three times over so I had to figure out how to combine all of that information and edit it properly. And then Tumblr freaked out on me and deleted some recent edits - twice - but fortunately I remembered what I did so it didn’t take too long to re-write it. This may also be the longest headcanon I’ve written so far lol. The ask had one hell of a journey in it’s making but I think I love it even more because of that. 😂

~Below the cut~

Lance's POV in episode 26:

Oh how enthralling it was to have Guardienne on his ship! Not only was she his ticket to escape, and a prized asset - therefore collateral - for the guard, but she knew how to access the dragons. He would find his people by using her knowledge.

He knew she had spirit, but he considered sometimes that perhaps he should have thought a little harder on ways to get her to shut up and obey him. He certainly loved the thrill of banter and having her break her persona of peace for him, but by the Oracle was she irritating sometimes. Of course, he already knew she was also pretty amusing as well, with her wild thought processes and ideas. She could have been a bit friendlier with his kraken though... 

He wasn't sure if he was surprised by how blunt Guardienne was at times. He had chosen the site in the forest because of its tactical advantage, but when she revealed her bad experience with that area, he could do nothing but apologize. She wasn’t trying to provoke him or stand in the way of his plans at the moment - it was a bad memory for her - so Lance understood her distress at staying there and didn’t wish to put her in further distress. There was no way that they were moving camp though.

Lance had her show him the island, and he was nearly surprised when she didn't try to escape. His attention was held by the ruins for most of the time; she could have tried to slip away thinking he was distracted. He was also quite surprised when she didn’t try to throw him off the cliff - it was the perfect opportunity, but she didn’t even seem like jumping at the chance.

Later on, when Guardienne talked with his mercenaries late at night, he tried to get a read on her. She seemed so unhappy stuck on the island with him, and yet she was so persistent on talking to his followers. She seemed to hate Lance, and yet she was so determined to understand why others decided to follow him. This sent his head spinning. Was she interested in joining him? Certainly not. Was she just curious? Most likely, but the typical person in her situation makes a point to not talk to those who hold them hostage...

He wakes her early in the morning, eager to find the gateway to his people, but his excitement drops when he realizes that Guardienne is in no mood to help him. She had been promising her resistance for many days, why did he expect any different?

This pissed him off of course; he was so close to finding his people and now he had to find a way to get her to comply. Threatening her didn't work too well, but she decided to lead him somewhere anyways. They go towards the library ruins and she leads him through a dark corridor that opens up into a room of alchemical concoctions, cages, and blood spattered walls before stopping. Lance knows immediately that she’s mislead him.

He turns on her, raw fury bleeding into him and coursing within his bones until he’s sure he’ll kill her. However, out of kindness and mercy, he gives her a second chance to show him to the dragons.

Lance didn’t know what he was expecting really, of course she would deny him again. So he takes her to the cliff to threaten her - and then those closest to her once he realizes she won’t crack. He really didn’t want to do this, he wanted things to go smoothly with little damage done, but more than that; he wanted to talk with his people.

She finally gives in and takes him towards the Door of the Dragons, but he nearly throws himself at her when they step into the library ruins again. However, she leads him a different way this time, and he can feel it in his bones that they’re heading the right way as they get closer.

Finally he witnesses the first monument of his people: the doors to their realm.

There’s a weight that settles on his chest and shoulders - after all these years wondering, searching, fighting to reach his people, he’s finally made it. Suddenly he’s aware of the blood surging through his veins, his breathing sharpens and the door is all he can look at.

He knows he's trembling as he reaches to brush his fingertips across the etchings in the stone doors, and he knows that she sees that as well, but he doesn't pay mind to it. In that moment, all that mattered is that he's finally among his people - the ghosts of them at least. 

He snaps himself out of the awe the grand doors put him in, turning to Guardienne and requesting her to show him how the doors open. She does as told - finally - but the doors don't open... 

Oh like hell he was going to deal with her shit now that's he's this close to knowing his people. She wasn't an issue before, but now she's standing directly between him and his people.

He turns on her again, his blood burning hot and arctic cold at the same time, but she's already explaining that they repeated the ritual the same way as last time. But perhaps...  the moon could be an issue?

He's impatient again - there's no way they can stay on that island until the next full moon. Fortunately he brought a few toys to help... 

Some time later, after many different attempts to open the door forcefully - all failed and leaving not even a scratch on the ancient stone - Guardienne comes bolting into the room screeching like a psychopath. As if it weren't bad enough that the doors aren't opening, now he has her to deal with again... 

He's irritated but holds himself well - there's still the battering ram that may work. 

Of course, Guardienne cuts in again, spitting wrath at him about his people and how much of an idiot he is. He humors her a bit, playing the hurt card (even though some bit of it holds true in some ways), and finding his own amusement when she thinks she actually hurt his feelings. Goodness she can be so adorable to fuck with. 

The Draflayels come when night falls, drifting in the air with musical trills. Guardienne has found herself entranced at the beauty, but Lance seeths. How dare these creatures mimic his people? How dare they act as a replacement for the dragons?

She stops him as he goes to cut them down, saying that they'll show them something important. If he weren't so desperate to speak with his people... 

He lets her lead him to the cliff, following the vile creatures as Lance glares at them, and they gather in sparkling clusters around them, singing their songs the whole time. Lance tenses his whole body and trembles - what he wouldn't do to get rid of these creatures - but then Guardienne steps into the cloud of Draflayels and begins... dancing?

He relaxes faintly, suddenly taken by surprise and slipping into hesitant curiosity as she twirls with the companions. She was so... happy, and carefree. How could she be this joyful with these useless creatures? Didn't she understand that they exist only from the sacrificial genocide of a grand race?

But she still dances with them, entranced by their harmony and twirls, and he's entranced by her as he watches her, careless and free, reminding him of the days where he was like that. 

Wasn't it tiring? To be so cold and hateful for so long?

Didn't he miss the days where he ran free and proud, fighting valiantly alongside his brother?

Pain sparks in his chest as he watches her, his face betraying no emotions but the clawing agony welled in his chest and left him breathless all the same. He did miss it... 

The Draflayels disperse and Guardienne backs away - straight into him. She's startled for a moment as she looks into his eyes, but he makes it clear that he's no threat.

As he stares at her, a different emotion stirs within him - a wistful wishing, whispered admiration, ghosts of jealousy and bittersweet knowing. She was so beautiful and happy, and he wanted to have that again as well, but he never could - not with everything he knows now. 

Brilliant blue essence swam through the air, and Lance quickly turned his attention to it. A ghost appeared - one of his people - and spoke in a grand, cavernous voice to him. Guardienne - and all he once wished for - forgotten, he stepped forward to pursue his chosen path. 

He had to argue to be allowed in sooner, but Lance regretted nothing when he was finally standing in front of the Door to the Dragons again, this time being welcomed in as family. However, he hesitated as he stared into the grand doorway; what information would he find hidden within this realm?

He allowed himself to spare a moment to think about his family... he would avenge them, with every bit of brittle, exhausted energy he had, he would avenge them. His heart twisted as he fell among them. These dragons were family... 

Fafnir shows him around, and he keeps an eye on Guardienne the whole time - she could attempt to run away. But he wants her to like the dragons and their realm as well, so he keeps an eye on her for her well-being also. She did help him after all... 

He argues with Fafnir much of the time, not understanding why the dragon is so steady and accepting about the destruction of their race. Fafnir is calm the whole time, a stable boulder underneath the rush of icy water that was Lance's opinions and emotions. He seemed so sure that Lance would change his mind about his quest for revenge, and even as Lance argues that, Fafnir still continues to show them around.

Fafnir mentions his mother not too long after, noting the similarities between them, and Lance is taken off guard. What would his mother think of him? What did Fafnir want him to know about his mother? Was it true that they were so similar? Would he be able to meet her ghost?

They continue their tour, and Lance knows immediately when Guardienne becomes uncomfortable as they step into the lava realm. Every change in her body language tells that she feels like she's drowning in heat, so he provides a layer of cooled air for her. Whether or not she wanted to, she provided him with invaluable help and remains invaluable as long as the guard is after him, so he might as well try to make her comfortable with him... 

As she recovers and looks around, pride blooms in Lance’s chest. This may be the lava realm, but she had a right to stare in admiration at one of the realms of his people. The glitter in her eyes and awe on her face were enough to tell him that she thinks the world of the strange realm, and curiosity suddenly sparks in Lance. She hasn’t seen firsthand the power of the dragons; him and his brother are the only ones she’s been around enough to witness anything, and his brother doesn’t know how to evoke his abilities... What would she think about Lance’s abilities? Would she stare at him with the same look of awe and curiosity?

Lance dismisses his thoughts and probes Fafnir for information on his parents again - first discovering his father's element - but the ancient ghost hesitates when he begins to speak of Tia. Silence fills the air for only a moment before Lance yells at Fafnir to answer his rest of his question.

An ice dragon...

Fafnir compares him to his mother again, and once again Lance is taken off guard. Was he really that similar to his mother?

Lance begins to dig further into the reasoning for their sacrifice, and this only leads down a long path of arguing between him and Fafnir until the ghost finally snaps. They're brought to another location within their realm and Fafnir begins to question Lance's decision of partnering with the demon. Lance is nearly surprised when Fafnir doesn't ask who it is, but the solid weight of... shame? lands on his chest and shoulders as Fafnir seems to scold him for creating a pact with the demon.

So Fafnir knew about that then... 

This shame was short-lived, though, before Lance quickly jumped to defend himself and explain the wrongs done to their kind and the foolish decision they made.

Fafnir eventually snapped and Lance quieted, feeling overwhelming irritation at the ancient dragon’s persistence. There was a rift forming that Lance could feel - an expanse hollowing out between him and Fafnir as he withdrew from Fafnir’s knowledge.

Lance watched as Fafnir created a sphere, faint images flickering within, and he was told to walk into the sphere if he wanted to understand the dragons’ decision. He hesitated, suddenly unsure if he wanted to understand in the first place. What if all of this was for nothing? Why would his people - upheld with such esteem within himself and around Eldarya - purposefully make such a foolish decision if it wasn’t forced?

Guardienne snaps him out of his thoughts and overwhelming anxiety, encouraging him to step into the sphere to find the answers to his questions. He hesitates further, but follows her as she steps into the sphere. Lance knew she was right; he came here to find answers, and Fafnir was giving him answers.

Lance isn’t very interested in where the sphere takes them to - it’s the dark-skinned woman who appears that catches his interest. She was talking to a man, pale skin and hair, and Lance quickly caught on to what he was seeing.

His mother and father... 

Shocks freezes him and quivers through his body as his throat constricts. He calls out to them. Was he finally meeting his parents? Would they recognize him? Would he be welcomed home by them?

Fafnir quickly explains that they’re only a memory - that they can’t hear him - and Lance’s emotions collapse in on himself. He wouldn’t be welcomed, they probably wouldn’t know who he is, he was left without a family because of the sacrifice and it will remain like that. Pain and rejection hits him in a crushing wave; he finally met his parents, but they’re not even aware of him.

Regardless, he follows them as they fly off, desperately seeking just another second with them - just another facet of information that he could learn from them.

At the cliff, witnessing his mother’s own temper, Fafnir once again compares him to his mother. Lance retaliates again, not wishing for Fafnir to speak so fondly of him or his mother. He could barely stand the idea of not knowing her, but knowing how similar they are and yet not knowing anything about her bothered him in ways that left a yawning hole in his chest.

He starts to think things over - his people willingly sacrificed themselves, but certainly his mother must have known better! She must have been forced by her people! Fafnir agrees that she didn’t agree to the decision, but claims that she still did so of her own free will. In a thunderous state of denial and anger, Lance turns and storms off. He can’t believe that his own mother just abandoned him to sacrifice herself for a decision she didn’t agree with. It doesn’t make any sense!

Fafnir chases him down and, despite his anger, Lance agrees to keep exploring his mother’s past.

They follow Tia to the doorways within the Dragon Realm, where she talks with Fafnir. As much as Lance wishes to ignore it, he notices that her aggressiveness does mirror his own.

His thoughts wander about his mother for a bit while Guardienne and Fafnir talk, until Lance finally has enough with waiting and interrupts to continue on.

Fafnir takes them to the Council Room now, where they see discussion of the Blue Sacrifice taking place. Many arguments take place until Fafnir finally tells him that Tia kept looking for another solution - to no avail.

He’s silent now as Guardienne and Fafnir talk again. Everything tells him that this was the only solution, that the dragons had to do this, that there was no better way, but he couldn’t accept it. If that was true then everything he did was for nothing... If that was true then there was no need to avenge their deaths because it was their own choice...

A cavern of something similar to dread forms within his chest as he wonders if he set out to wage a pointless war, almost afraid of knowing if this was truth. He couldn’t be in the wrong, right? They were his people, certainly they could have thought of something else... right?

Fafnir calls out to make sure he’s ok before suggesting a break, and Lance finds himself nearly running from the memories - almost regretting learning everything he knows and hoping to leave it all behind alongside the confused assortment of emotions that nearly breaks his sanity. It was so much easier when he thought they didn’t have a choice...

He flees to the old camp area and Guardienne follows before calling out to him, asking if he’s alright. He’s heavily shocked when she explains that she does care about him, despite the assumption that he hates her.

After everything he’s done, why would she care? Does she think this will stop him?

She avoids his conflicted gaze before he turns and walks away. He needed time to think everything over; the sacrifices, his parents, even Guardienne’s sudden change in demeanor towards him. Nothing makes sense to him anymore.

Lance realizes that she's not following him. He turns and asks if she’s coming or not. One would think if she’s so worried about him, she would actually bother to follow him.

He wanders aimlessly for a while, not knowing where he wishes to go, but eventually finds himself at the cliff when Guardienne asks if he’d like to talk. Lance turns on her; he’s not in the mood for her to play false nice with him. He knows she hates him.

Guardienne contradicts that, though, claiming instead that she hates his actions but has faith that he can be good again.

Was she right? Was there some possibility of redemption? Did he even want redemption? What about everything he’s done to get to this point? Was any of it even worth it anymore?

Confused questions flood his mind in tidal waves until he nearly has a headache. Hesitantly, he begins to open up to Guardienne. If there was some chance that she could understand. If there was some chance she could help him understand...

He seeks her opinion on why his mother left him and Valk to the world instead of sacrificing them, and Guardienne explains that it’s normal that a mother would want her children to reap the benefits of her actions. Lance says he would have rather died.

Guardienne pauses at this, surprise flitting over her features and she goes to comfort him, asking why this is all so important for him.

Why is it all so important? He’s so confused, unfamiliar with these doubtful emotions now sweeping through him. Why was any of this important? What does he do now? Is everything he learned really true? Would his people actually be ashamed of him knowing he’s hurt others in their name?

She offers an ear to listen to his troubles, and as much as he doesn’t wish to confide in her, he does so anyways. He doesn’t know what else to do.

Guardienne is quiet as he explains their birth and the village, and he relaxes and allows himself to soften - just a bit. It was... nice to finally have someone to talk to. It’s been so long since someone actually sought to truly understand him...

This calm is broken when he speaks of the kind people who raised them - and Guardienne speaks up to explain that every world will have good people and bad. Lance turns on her in anger; what would she know about good and bad? She hasn’t needed to hide her nature because of others! She hasn’t needed to learn about the sacrifice of her people for the sake of these people! She hasn’t needed to suffer her whole life the way he has!

He explodes in anger, forcing himself to take a moment to cool off as Guardienne watches with a conflicted expression, and then turns back to her to reveal the horror of the Guard and faeries hunting down the dragons who survived the sacrifice.

He’s nearly happy when she reels back in disgust, refusing to believe that the faeries could have done something that terrible, but it was true all the same, no matter how hard she refused to believe it.

Lance turns away again - he needs to know more. He needs to know why him and his brother were abandoned to this world alone.

He manages to track down Fafnir and demands to know why, but the only response he receives is to follow and see for himself. They go back and forth, Fafnir pressuring him to witness the memories again while Lance argues it. He can’t see it again, he couldn’t bear seeing the past through memories...

Guardienne startles him when she lays a hand on his forearm.

Why was she doing that? Why did she care this much? What’s the reason for any of this?

She tells him that he needs to keep exploring his mother’s past if he wants to understand and find his answers, and while he doesn’t want to do that anymore - he can’t possibly do that again - he knows she’s right. It’s the only thing he can do right now in the mess of emotions he’s feeling. Guardienne promises that she’ll stay by his side the whole time, but that doesn’t help as she was probably hoping it would. Why is it comforting that she’s promising to stay by his side - he should be irritated at that thought!

Lance agrees, feeling more lost than ever, and ghosts back to the past memories alongside Fafnir and Guardienne with no further argument.

The Blue Sacrifice was being held soon, countless dragons sprawling across the land and swooping through the sky as Tia talked with Fafnir... about a pregnancy test. She doesn’t want to sacrifice her children with her. Then she speaks of her sons - that she had seen them.

She’s seen him and his brother before, can name their hair and eye color, and she thought they were... beautiful.

Lance watches intently as the memory plays out but he still has questions. She could have stayed with them if she had the choice, why didn’t she stay with them?

Fafnir further explains what happens after that - his mother and father leaving for a while and then returning to carry through with the sacrifice - but Lance’s thoughts are still scattered, and he demands that he sees his parents’ final moments. He needed to see everything in order to believe this...

They return to the pathway where the sacrifice will take place. Many different races are gathered, paying their respects to the dragons, and Fafnir points their attention to another group talking to his mother. Humans.

Lance is subtly shocked; why were they there? And why are they so close with his mother? 

Fafnir says that they’re family; his uncle had fallen in love with a human, and Tia was hugging his cousin.

He has humans in his close family!? And they had children... Him and his brother weren’t the only dragons then! But Fafnir explains that they’re weakened due to the dilution of the genetics.

Lance doesn’t know how he feels about this. Was he nearly happy that he had surviving family - even if they were human? Were they really considered human in that case, or dragon? Should he be happy that those humans can’t compare their power to his because of their weakened genetics?

Lance is confused about himself again, shifting into anger at the realization that he’s thinking this only because of what happened; his closest living family is humans, and they’re only alive because they couldn’t have been hunted down by the Eldaryans. Fafnir tries to compare this to Guardienne and speaks of her angel genetics.

An angel?

Lance is truly surprised at this; she’s an angel? He has an angel in his clutches?

Fafnir seems shocked that Lance didn’t know, but the ice dragon is busy turning to Guardienne, many of his other questions now being answered. A wave of painful anger hits him, and he feels... jealous? That demon got to spend every day around this female angel - of course he’d be interested in her; they could attempt a revival of their race!

He had said to much. Lance collapses, pain wracking his body as he heaves for breath and clutches at his chest. The pact they made knew he had said too much. His vision fades into black and the last thing he hears is Fafnir telling Guardienne to help him bring Lance back to the real world...

Lance wakes... alone. Why was he alone? Where was the angel!?

He bolts up, cold burning anger flooding through his veins. After all he said to her! After he explained his past and reasoning for this war! After she promised she would stay by his side! She goes and tries to run away!

He quickly finds her urgently walking around - probably looking for some way off this island - and he approaches her in blind anger as she shrinks in front of him. He was glad, pleased, that she was terrified. She should be scared!

Lance can’t keep himself from yelling as he advances on her and draws his sword. He’s been so nice to her up until now, but that time is now long since passed. She cringes as he raises his sword... and stabs it into the ground next to her. Why did he find himself unable to do this?

Guardienne quickly begins to explain her reason for leaving, but he cuts her off. It doesn’t matter why she left - there was no way he could trust her on any account anymore. Of course she would try to escape, she’s still a hostage. He feels foolish for ever having believed she could possibly care for him.

He grabs her wrist and heads back to find Fafnir, thanking him for sharing his energy to strengthen him again. The ancient ghost asks if he understands everything now, and Lance admits that he doesn’t, but he does realize something important now - family needs to defend and stay with family, so he needs Valk with him.

Before anything else can happen the energy of the islands shifts - he can feel it and he knows Fafnir feels it too.

They have visitors, and it’s the guard.

Time is up, Lance realizes, and he quickly takes hold of Guardienne and drags her with him to the beach shores to find a horrific sight awaiting. 

There are many boats sailing towards the island - too many for the kraken to take on. Lance realizes that he needs defense lines and orders Orion and his mercenaries to hold the guard back. He needs to find a good place for them to be found at if the guard gets past his lines.

Hints of panic start to crack his steady thoughts - they’re surrounded with no direct way off this island, and how the hell does he get his brother on his side!?

The angel; the thing they came here for! She’s his bargaining chip!

But she’s intent on not making this easy. She spits bitter truths at him that he doesn’t want to hear but knows it true all the same, and he turns on her to shut her up. 

He paces around the island with her as the sounds of the battle rage on at the shore and she kicks at him, unbalancing him and tearing herself away as he regains his balance with pain shooting up his leg. Lance doesn’t let her go very far, though. He evokes his powers, pulling her back to him and snapping at her as he drags her around again, heading towards to cliff.

The roar of the waves is drowned out as Lance scans the cliff with screeching thoughts, finding no coverage and then choosing to place himself with her at the edge of the cliff. There’s nowhere else to hide, nowhere he can set traps for the guard, nowhere he can keep her while he attempts to fight off the guard - or even better; bargain with them for Valkyon. He can only stand here and brace himself.

Finally they arrive, and Lance calls to them to stop when they’re a comfortable distance away, holding Guardienne to the cliff for leverage. They stop, but his brother tries to convince him to let her go. Guardienne calls back, but Lance is tried of hearing her input and quickly shuts her up. This was between him and the guard, and if she convinces them to not worry about her, he’ll lose his bargaining chip.

As soon as everything is silent Lance begins to speak, calling out for his brother to join him - but he resists of course, and offers the opposite instead. Lance explains that the guard will kill him in no time, and his brother quickly gives in after that; choosing to join Lance as long as Guardienne is let go.

Just as he had hoped for.

He’s not even bothered as Guardienne cries out anymore, and lets go of her as soon as Valk asks - but he’s sure to keep her trapped on that ledge with a wall of energy. He knew if he just let her go they would attack him, so he assured his safety by keeping her at risk.

They say their tragic goodbyes and Lance rests a hand on his brother’s shoulder as they walk away, elated at the fact that he has his brother with him now. Things are exactly as they should have been since the beginning of this war.

He can hear Guardienne arguing with the others as they walk away, and when they’re a safe distance he drops the wall... letting it take the cliff she was standing on with it as it crumbled away to submerge into the surging tides below. She was no longer needed and it would be better if she were gone now, or at very least it’ll delay the guard from following him and his brother as they make their escape.

Lance learned many lessons from that journey - many things that were useful, and some that were... complicated, and he intended to use all of this to his advantage.

I hope you like this! I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again; this ask went through hell and back from Tumblr in it’s creation process, but I love it even more because of the quirks I encountered.

Thank you for asking!

Have a request? Ask them here!

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[bluecolouredlou]

Show your process

To continue supporting content makers, this tag game is meant to show the entire process of making creative content: this can be for any creation.

RULES - When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag up to 5 people with a specific link to one of their creative works you’d like to see the process of. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours.

Thank you E for tagging me ❤ @quelsentiment tagged me to do this, kinda zouis, fic that I just posted yesterday! But I can’t promise that I still remember everything since i wrote it back in November.

1. Planning 

So, November and Nanowrimo were a thing that I was doing, because I am that insane. I needed a break from the story that I had been writing (I will probably explain some more to that later) so I looked all through the internet for some nice prompts that I could just use and write something short for. Neither do I remember where I got the prompt nor what exactly it said but it was something like “Chocolate or Gummy bears”. And that was pretty much as much planning as I did.

2. The Story

The first draft was pretty easy, I just wrote it in one setting since I used it as an extension of the Novel I was writing so I didn’t had to create any characters or anything at all. In the end those were  415 words.

After this draft I just forgot about it again until like April, where I started to post all the drabbles that I had lying around somewhere (tbh the only reason I remembered was because I talked to somebody about the story that goes with it). 

So then I had decided that I wanted to post it.

To be honest, this drabble is not all that exciting nor does it mean that much to me so I just tweaked around with the dynamics a little bit since the original story was a/b/o, I tried to fix all grammar and spelling mistakes and I generally just made it a little prettier. That’s then about it and I doomed this story finished.

The title here was a bit hard since it was really short and the main themes in the story were chocolate and gummy bears but neither sounded like a good title. In the end it was then just “Debate” because that is what’s happening.

3. The “Moodboard”

Not that this is really a moodboard but what I normally do is go onto Pinterest. I guess I don’t really have a tactic for finding stuff, I just look up various stuff that’t in the theme of the book or is mentioned somewhere, the only thing I have learned is that you can just add “aesthetic” behind whatever you are looking up and the pictures will just be a tad bit prettier.

Pinterest wasn’t working here for me so I went to Unsplash and Pexels which are both really good sources for high quality, free images. 

There is just looked up further variations of chocolate and gummy bears up, til i found the picture that I used for the cover.

Making the actual cover was then pretty easy because if you look at the other drabbles that I did (here, here and here) the covers are more or less all the same. So I just made another page in Canva  in 1080x1080 pixels, set the pictures as a background and cropped it so that it would look good.

For the fond I used in all the covers “Sunday” and for my @ I used “League Spartan. There isn’t much that say, I just tried to make it make it look good, the one thing that I did was trying to make the font as big as possible. 

For the colour of the font I just took one of the colour Canva suggested

And played around a bit with it, until I was happy with the colour and you could read it.

4. Posting

Nothing deep happens here, I just pop it on ao3 and create the post here on tumblr. For my tumblr post I am also pretty much always using the same layout since I found one for my fics that I liked and I thought looked pretty. 

The only debate I had was whether I should tag this as zouis or not since it may have been primarily about them and in the story they are in a pack but in the story it is never displayed as such. In the end I did I kinda did it on tumblr but didn’t tag it as such on ao3. And that’s basically it.

I’m tagging:

@zaynsalbum​ for this drawing

@silverfoxlou​ for this piece

@thosefookinavacados​ for this drawing

and @zi-shu​ for this moodboard

[yoolee]

First of all? Being stalked, harassed, and pressured about things that make you uncomfortable is not your fault.

Okay?

It is Not Your Fault.

You are not responsible for someone else’s behavior. You are not responsible for their emotions. You are not responsible for their brain. And you are certainly not responsible for their illegal actions.

You deserve to feel better.

You deserve to feel safe.

You really shouldn’t effing have to deal with it in the first place. But if you’re reading this, maybe you are, and you want some ideas. And yeah, it’s not fair that the burden of deterring a stalker so often rests with the victim. In fact, it’s pretty awful. But you do not have to endure it in silence, and you do not have to endure it alone. And ideally, and hopefully, together we can get you to a point where you don’t have to endure it at all, because it’s been dealt with.

I’m gonna borrow super heavily (read: copy+paste) from Protect America because they’re good at wording stuff but I’m blending sources here so just know a lot of this comes from them.

What is stalking?

Stalking is a criminal behavior that involves willful and repetitive unwanted contact, following, and/or harassment.

Stalking is manifested in many different ways; it really does look different for everyone. Any repetitive behavior that makes you fear for your safety or feel harassed can be considered stalking.

Now, let’s get this outta the way – you have EVERY RIGHT to involve law enforcement

Stalking is illegal. Let me repeat that. Stalking is illegal, which means it is a crime. And yes, that includes, specifically, cyberstalking. I don’t even mean like a ‘haha jaywalking’ kind of crime, I mean like there  are  laws to protect   you for a reason. And they’re getting better. You are not responsible for protecting this “secret,” and you are definitely not responsible for protecting your stalker. You deserve peace and safety.

I can’t speak for every country, but in the one I live in, dealing with crime is pretty much why police exist in the first place. They aren’t going to be annoyed with you or upset with you for bringing this to their attention – especially if you are minor. They are supposed to protect you. Cyber harassment is something to be protected from. I can’t lie to you – they might be massively unhelpful. They really might. But they also may be able to help you, and they can’t unless you talk to them. They have resources you may not have, they have authority you may not have (like the ability to tell a website to provide IP info), they have tools you may not have, and if they’re any good at their job, they will be on your side. Okay? Okay.

The conversation you have with your local police department doesn’t have to be a one-time, all-or-nothing report. It’s okay to alert them of the situation, even if they can’t do anything now. Keep talking them anytime something happens. This builds a record with them, so that your experience is officially written down with a law enforcement agency.

You are not rocking the boat. You are not making a big deal out of nothing. You are asking people who work for you (or your parents, basically, anyone who pays taxes) to do their job. You get to do that.

Keep Evidence

It’s squicky and it sucks, but, if you do go the authorities, evidence will go a long way.

Keep a log of all incidents. Note the date and time.

Save everything. Take screenshots, but, also – and this sucks, I know—if it came through social media, and you can stomach having it around, don’t delete it. There may be metadata that can be pulled from it. Saving it can show patterns to help you and others determine safety strategies.

But keep yourself as priority one. Your space, your rules. It’s not worth holding onto evidence that makes you uncomfortable and upset – if you need to delete it, delete it, and keep the screenshot somewhere you don’t have to deal with it.

Don’t Engage

Tell your stalker politely and seriously once to stop contacting you, following you, et cetera.

Once you have made your disinterest clear, stop engaging with them. Do not talk to them, don’t try to convince them, don’t yell at them, don’t send your friends to yell at them. Stalkers often consider any interaction with you a victory, so any reaction (no matter how negative) reinforces their behavior. Sometimes, they even seek negative reactions, because (to them) that means their fear and intimidation tactics are working.

If you’re on tumblr, you can block them or report harm to minors where applicable.

You can also hide your blog from people who aren’t logged in. Just head into the settings for the blog you want to hide from public view and turn off the switch that says “Allow logged-out users to see this blog.” Your followers will still be able to see your posts in their dashboards, and other logged-in users will be able to view your blog, but anyone who tries to go to your blog at its URL will need to sign up and/or log into Tumblr to see it.

Talk about it.

It is understandable to feel like this is a secret you need to keep on your own. Women are pressured to seem pleasing and appeasing to everyone. Men are pressured to appear “in control”. Everyone is taught to shy away from asking for help, and our culture often misplaces blame on the victims of stalking, sexual violence, and domestic violence.

Break the silence, and you may find that more people will relate to you than judge you.

You need support now more than ever, and you don’t have to go through this alone. Tell your friends what is happening. Tell your family. You have nothing to be ashamed about. You didn’t invite this behavior, you didn’t invite this situation. It was forced on you, and it’s not your fault. And some people will be stupid, don’t let them color things – your emotional distress is valid.

 AND OH YEAH HEY

If you are an adult, don’t contact minors. 

Respect their boundaries. 

Respect their no. Respect their I’m not comfortable with that. Respect their not interested. Respect their go away. Respect their wow not okay. Take silence as a cue to back off.

Respect their right to safely enjoy and experience the internet on terms that are appropriate and healthy for them. 

Do not contact anyone who has asked you to stop.

Do not actively seek out someone who has expressed that they are uncomfortable with your behavior.

Okay? Okay.

https://www.protectamerica.com/reclaiming-your-space

https://www.page-vault.com/web-content-capture-resources/videos/out-of-the-vault-cyber-harassment/?utm_source=atl&utm_medium=sponsored-article&utm_campaign=cyber-harassment

https://sapac.umich.edu/article/65

http://legaldictionary.net/stalking/

http://www.nij.gov/topics/crime/stalking/pages/welcome.aspx

https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles/169592.pdf

http://ccwrc.org/about-abuse/about-stalking/

https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles/169592.pdf

 https://www.ipredator.co/cyber-harassment/

https://www.privacyrights.org/consumer-guides/online-harassment-cyberstalking-0

http://glaconservatives.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/online-hate-crime.pdf

[abitscrewyvinn]

Shade is Not Silver.

If you don’t like blood/gore don’t click ‘read more’. What follows is Shade telling her story. It.. It’s kinda brutal and she’s a little drunk right now so it might not always be coherent.

Let me preface this, start from the beginning. When it all went to shit.

I was seven. My parents, specifically my mother, have this tradition sort of thing. A sick, sadistic one. Though they claim it’s for the progress of humanity, they only recently started releasing their tech to the public. Under a pseudonym as well. This tradition is to ‘build the perfect soldier’ as it were. Generally for them that means their children. The age of seven is apparently perfect or something, because damn do they like sevens.

Anyway, they took me into this room for my birthday and told me I was getting my present when they strapped me down to a table and sawed off my arm and leg. Back then they didn’t have the laser things either. Straight up hacksaw. Used their magic to keep me alive and stable, opened me up and replaced some other shit too but I’d passed out by then. For some reason the arm and leg were too important for me to miss, so I was forced awake for that bit. This was only part of it. At seven, once I’d woken up, they informed me of the other things to happen to me over the years.

By seventeen I was to become a loyal soldier to the Silvers and all their affiliates. They’d tweak my soul just right. The tech would grow with my body just like bones. Well, the skeletal structure would. The add-ons like the shoulder pad and arm/leg covers would need replacing to match the size, and it’s all a special kind of metal. One able to withstanding just about everything short of their magic. So, at eight, I got the balls to try and run away with the only one of my sisters who agreed with me. We both understood that this shit was bad, feared for our lives we did.

.. We got caught.

She was an example. My mother was convinced that I was going to be the perfect Silver Soldier, so I was not expendable, but she was. Her name was Silthie. My mother chained her down, using some shadow abilities she’d been born into, and started a little ritual. A small yellow-blue light started at Silthie’s stomach and clawed its way up her chest through her head, and out her eyes. She screamed until the very last drop of her soul left her eyes. My mother turned to me and softly, she said. “The eyes are the windows to the soul, my love.” ....

I was dismissed to my room where I locked the door and gouged out my eyes. My father broke down the door and ‘saved’ me. I wanted to die, the bastards had more planned for me. “You have such a future ahead of you!” Bastards...

They replaced my eyes, but the model was an early one. My eyes became super sensitive to just about everything. I could see in the dark, but was pretty much blind in the light, so they made me goggles to go along with them. Made them special just for me. They carved out parts of my skull on either side, and put in some kind of magik infused metal. Once my skin was healed and grown back, the goggles could be worn. They’d fuse to my fucking face until I took them off. My right hand, the metal one, was calibrated specifically to be able to remove them.

At ten years old, I ran away successfully. I’d been trained and doted on to be the perfect soldier. I was ‘programmed’ to be a tactical genius, and it paid off more for me rather than them. I timed the security, unlocked the doors, and ran as far and fast as I could.

I smuggled myself to America and lived on the streets, stealing the food I needed from trash; sometimes I’d break into a nicer house and get food there. I’m not proud of it but I had already gotten out so I’d gotten over my wanting to die. My body’s wiring kicked in and wanted to keep me alive. Though the tech and magik I inherited has something of a life support system. It’s all rather annoying.

Once I was old enough I forged documents saying I’d become an American citizen, and I joined the Military. Army to be exact. Got drafted into this little program due to how trained I already was, not to mention my enhancements. I actually got to work with Captain fucking America, if you can believe it.. You probably don’t.. Did I mention this was the 1940′s?

Doesn’t really matter. I served with the regular-old-army for a good long while. I saw a lot of good people die. Only a few of my friends made it out alive. Eventually, though, I sort of retired? They let me go home and I was more or less on call, but nothing ever happened. Unfortunately for me, someone wanted my ass, and not in a fun sexy way.

This bitch’s name is Viran Hellsoul. Her entire family is at war with the Silvers, who I disowned myself from. I even changed my name to Shade Hawke. Steve even helped me work things out with American authorities, about my papers n’ shit. Because I was a good soldier and explained that my family is full of abusive assholes, they were pretty nice to me. Anyway, Viran is the daughter of Anaya Hellsoul, one of the previous four demonic elements. I won’t go into that bullshit, it’s all convoluted and fucking confusing.

She thought that by capturing me and killing me in front of her family, they’d all love her more. She’s an attention whore starved of attention, and takes it out on torture victims. I was the unfortunate victim.

The first month she had a phase with her whip and I. She focused on detaching my metal leg, which hurt like hell and more, and then would beat me for a while every day. Her magic is even BETTER at keeping people alive though, because she’s an over powered entity of flame with many emotional issues. At the end of the month, her family was supposed to come and there would be some ritual and she’d kill me. Thing is, out of spite I think, they never came.

Over the next two weeks she got kind of bored of me, burning the tips of my fingers and toes every other day. On the alternating days she’d choke me until I passed out, screamed at me until I woke up, and did it again.

She never got out of her denial. She kept telling me I’d die once they came but nobody ever did. At some point, I don’t know when, I became hopeful that they would come. This bitch is the head of Hell’s torture department for a reason.

Month three; She started to carve drawings and designs into my skin. Most of the wounds healed well, some left permanent scars. Those were her angry days...

Month four; She went back to beatings, and added other elements to the mixture. More fire torture, waterboarding was popular which is odd considering she’s Fire. She has something against her sister that represents water. Fuck if I know or care. She would repeatedly degrade me verbally. Nicknames. “Silver Girl” “Silver Bitch” “You awful bitch” “Bitch” in general “Silver Whore” Silver. I hate that word. I hate that color. I hate every aspect of it because in my head I just hear Viran.

She does this, mixed with all previous tortures, for the remainder of the year.

The next year, she starts mental torture as well. Sometimes she’ll just take my brain with magic and play. Go through my time in the Army, mess with that, mess with reality. Some other times, she didn’t even need magic to mess with my reality. She’d just tell me things repeatedly during beatings until I believed them. She made me believe I was her toy. That I was going to be hers forever. She told me secrets about her. She told me that she wasn’t Viran, but Val, one of the many people in her head. All splitting off from the original, Viran. They’re all aspects of her, but they’re broken and not quite whole. I used to care. I used to worry if she came in late... She used to tell me she loved me. I don’t even know what kind of love she meant. It was like a reverse sockholm syndrome. Didn’t love me in a way to let me go though, had to keep playing with me.

I was her favorite toy....

She came up with something new year after year, but eventually she just couldn’t think of anything else. She broke down one day during the fifth year. Something about her sister’s husband. Something about killing him. Something about her mother hating her. I actually cared. I can’t believe I cared.

She let me go that day. I stood outside wondering what was real. For a week I was lost until someone saw me and brought me to the hospital. At the time I didn’t understand what the rape kit was for, but hey. Now I do.

As soon as I was coherent and mentally well enough, I went right back to the military. They gave me a new job. Made me a special operative. I don’t think I’m allowed to tell stories, but I was a sniper.

Seventy-eight confirmed kills..

I went home.

I turned seventy. I don’t age like normal people. Steve and I would have only really had each other for company if he hadn’t gotten Iced, but he did. So I was alone a lot of the time. They would have come for me at twenty seven or any other seven variant if they’d known where I was, but they didn’t. They kidnapped me and nearly got their damn job done. They nearly took my other arm, nearly took my heart, but I escaped on sheer damn luck.

I had to go somewhere more secluded, so I moved to somewhere more remote, but I can’t for the life of me remember where it was. I know it was still in America.

Anyway, that’s when things get fuzzy. Next thing I know, I’m no longer in my body.

I’m in some kid’s brain in something called a system, causing them the occasional PTSD breakdown, but I’m a protector.

It’s not all bad. I have a job I guess. I have a purpose. I even have a partner. Someone from another system. A version of Fenris from Dragon Age. He’s sweet in his own way, but I love him all the same. And now I’m drunk in the headspace, venting my story onto Tumblr.

My life’s been rather odd....

[aion-rsa]

Jennifer Estep Interview: Kill the Queen & Epic Fantasy

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We talked to author Jennifer Estep about moving into the genre of epic fantasy storytelling with Kill the Queen.

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Interview Alana Joli Abbott

Nov 7, 2018

Jennifer Estep is no stranger to fantasy. I’ve been reading her novels since her superhero romance Bigtime novels hit the shelves. She’s the author of two young adult urban fantasy series, as well as the Elemental Assassin series, which has already clocked over seventeen novels starring Gin Blanco, an assassin with elemental magic who also runs a barbecue joint.

With Kill the Queen, Estep has released her first novel in the epic fantasy genre. It suits her, as Kill the Queen is her strongest writing yet...

The novel introduces Lady Everleigh “Evie” Blair, distantly in line to the throne of Bellona. But when a Game of Thrones-worthy royal massacre kills nearly every member of the royal family, Evie only narrowly escapes. Not knowing who to trust, she joins a gladiator troupe, determined to never allow herself to be so vulnerable again—and to gain the skills to protect the people she loves. It’s a fantastic blend of court intrigue with the epic fantasy tropes of good versus evil, and of the underdog holding the fate of kingdoms in her hands.

In an introduction, Estep dedicates the book to her teenage self.

“Growing up, I always loved books, movies, and TV shows with a lot of action and adventure, like The A-Team (which still remains one of my all-time favorite shows),” Estep told Den of Geek in an interview. “When I was in high school, I discovered epic fantasy books by authors like David Eddings, Terry Brooks, and of course J.R.R. Tolkien."

"I’ve always liked to read books with a little bit of everything in them—magic, action, adventure, and romance—and most epic fantasy books feature all of those things. The genre is just a perfect blend of everything I love about books, reading, writing, and storytelling. The more epic fantasy books I read, the more that I wanted to write my own epic fantasy books and tell the stories that I wanted to tell.”

But though Estep attempted the genre early on, nothing came of those early books. Instead, she found greater success in paranormal romance, urban fantasy, and YA. There, she developed strong heroines, who often prefer to stay in the background, and who tend to have a bit of snark in their narration—Evie among them.

“I always think it’s an interesting character and story arc to take someone like Evie who is in the background, who is considered weak and unimportant and is overlooked by everyone around her, and have her grow as a person, learn about her magic, and come into her own as a force to be reckoned with,” Estep said.

Evie’s journey from a person who constantly has to hide her feelings into someone who believes in her own abilities—as well as a person who shies away from friendships, not knowing who to trust, into a person for whom friendship is a driving force behind her decisions, is at the core of the novel. As Estep said, “I always love bringing out a character’s inner strength and determination.”

Each of Estep’s series has required a unique world in which to operate. The modern-set Elemental Assassin series features both elementals and traditional fantasy races. The similarly contemporary Mythos Academy books feature teens who fall into mythological heritages, such as super-fast and strong Spartan and Amazon warriors or Celtic warrior-bards.

The world of Kill the Queen is one built on magic and gladiators, managing to evoke classics like Spartacus while playing with the same themes present in newer series like the recently-concluded Kate Daniels series by Ilona Andrews.

Four types of magic users build the social structure of the kingdom of Bellona: morphs, who can turn into another creature; magiers, who are more traditional casters; masters, who have specific magics in their areas of expertise, such as the human body, food, or stonework; and mutts, who have one or more enhanced senses. (“Mortals” who don’t use magic are also given a nod as experts of tactics and weaponry.)

“One of the most satisfying parts [of worldbuilding] is seeing it all come together, and realizing that all your disparate ideas have meshed into one cohesive world, from the characters names, to the scenery/descriptions, to the magic users/creatures and how the magical system works,” Estep explained.

For Kill the Queen, she drew on Roman mythology—the kingdom of Bellona shares its name with the goddess of war—and the historical Roman love of gladiatorial combat. On inventing the world’s magic, she said: “I would say one of the most challenging parts is creating a magic system that makes sense and has rules, but that also doesn’t have too many rules.”

The morphs are Estep’s first shape shifters, and in a genre populated with werewolves (both friendly and fatal), they’re unique: the morphs each have a morph mark, a secondary face, usually somewhere visible, that reveals the kind of creature the morph becomes—and has a certain degree of independence, with its own facial expressions that reveal some of the morph’s inner feelings. The magiers mix traditional fantasy spell effects with a heavy does of elemental magic.

“I decided to balance them out with ‘masters’—think master craftsmen—and ‘mutts’—people with random magical skills, like enhanced senses, speed, strength, etc.” Estep explained. “I think four types of magic users is a good number to have. It’s not too large that readers lose track of who can do what, and it’s not so small that it limits the kind of powers/magic that I can introduce as the series goes along.”

While the world is a delight to visit (and would make an excellent role playing game setting, depending on the outcome of Evie’s story), it’s really Evie who drives the story forward. As she develops into a stronger hero, she’s played against the story’s villain: Vasilia, from the Summer line of the royal family (as opposed to Evie’s winter). Once friends, Evie realized through an early betrayal that Vasilia is manipulative and ruthless who will stop at nothing to reach her goals. Vasilia is all open fire, while Evie nurtures a cold rage.

As a low ranking member of court, Evie “has to keep her feelings to herself, including her anger at how other people belittle and try to use her,” Estep explained. “Evie has to be careful and wait for the right moment to strike back against her enemies. Vasilia has a lot of power, and she enjoys showing it off and wielding it, along with her lightning magic. Vasilia doesn’t have to internalize anything—she can let people know exactly how angry she is with them.”

The two make excellent foils, as well as embodiments of a Bellonan nursery rhyme Estep invented for the series. “One of the first things that popped into my mind when I was writing Kill the Queen was the epigraph that appears in the front of the book talking about the differences between Summer and Winter queens,” Estep said. “It fits perfectly with how Vasilia and Evie are opposites in a lot of ways, and how summer and winter are opposite seasons.”

Although Estep has several series in the works, she only writes for one series at a time, which helps her keep all her worlds separate. Even though she has two more Elemental Assassin novels on the way, Kill the Queen readers need not worry that Evie’s story is ending here: Protect the Prince and Crush the King will continue the story of Bellona’s fate—and Evie’s.

For this reader, that’s excellent news: while Kill the Queen reaches a true conclusion (no cliff-hangers here!), it leaves many questions unanswered, and many relationships unexplored. Getting to spend more time with these characters, in a world on the brink of turmoil, will be a true delight.

For more information on Jennifer and her books, visit www.jenniferestep.com or follow Jennifer on Facebook, Goodreads, and Twitter. You can also sign up for her newsletter.

Alana Joli Abbott writes about books for Den of Geek. Read more of her work here.

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