#i read adventures in parenthood and it consumed me

[enderpearlgurl13]

When you finish a really good fic with an interesting plot that gave you severe emotional whiplash throughout the shenanigans and cliffhangers that has a satisfying conclusion but then you snap back to reality

[notmorbid]

all the acorns on the forest floor.

dialogue prompts from all the acorns on the forest floor by kim hooper.

you're biting your nails. you're nervous.

you're not old enough to die.

i want to die first. is that selfish?

i never thought i believed in fate, but maybe i do.

sometimes you have to be okay with what i don't want to tell you.

you'll always be my soulmate in another life.

my god, you don't age.

i'm opposed to baby vegetables, categorically.

are you not happy?

i'm starting to wonder if i'll always be disappointed.

i think i want you to respect me.

i said i'm not awake.

you've gotta see the worst in people to stay alive.

tragedies are indiscriminate.

you're allowed to change your mind, if you want to.

making peace with the old demons of adolescence?

strange how you can be so close to someone and just lose touch.

i wanted to call you so many times.

you should start an adventure company called 'on a whim and a prayer'.

irrational hatred is the most potent kind.

i was skeptical at first, but you made me a believer.

i've become such a bitter bitch.

marry someone sane and patient and kind.

i did and do love you.

fear comes with parenthood. it's part of the deal.

it's like i'm in a different world with you.

god, i want to consume you whole.

maybe we've both gone crazy.

i know you've been upset lately. i'm sorry i don't always say the right thing.

it's like you're picking at an open wound, keeping it from scabbing over.

don't touch me, if you can avoid it.

let's just take it one hour at a time.

have you thought about going to a grief group?

i didn't want you to be right, but you were.

i just don't understand life sometimes.

now you've got me crying.

i read this article about people who want to be vampires. they buy blood from strangers online.

our kid selves would cringe.

who could bring a kid into this world?

you seem happy. it's something in your posture.

yes. you are a better, more advanced human being than all of us.

leave me alone. i'm fine.

i've never really been on a date before.

do you think i'm a fool?

my parents can't stand the sight of me.

you deserve to feel love.

i've always wanted to be ordinary.

i'm just curious. i'm allowed to be curious, right?

i trust you to do whatever you think is right.

you pity me. i can tell.

[queermediastudies]

“A Queer Who Cares” : The Intersection of Class and Queerness in Tokyo Godfathers

Tokyo Godfathers is a Japanese animated film, made in 2003, that follows the adventures of three homeless friends on Christmas Eve in Tokyo, Japan. Throughout the movie, we follow Hana, a transwoman and former drag queen, Gin, a middle-aged man with a gambling addiction, and Miyuki, a teenage runaway, as they find a baby in a trash can and spend Christmas Day trying to reunite the child with her mother. A comedic adventure quickly ensues, as the chaotic but loving trio, do their best to take care of their new baby, solve the mystery of her appearance, and all the while combat the dangers and prejudices that come with being homeless. Though predominantly a comedy, the film also strays away from its humorous tone and delves deep into the characters’ complex backstories, emotionally exploring the myriad of reasons why Hana, Gin, and Miyuki are homeless and why getting the baby back to her mother is so important for each of them. Directed by the famous Satoshi Kon and loosely based on the 1913 novel “The Three Godfathers”, the film explores themes of parenthood, found families, classism, transphobia, and addiction, and illuminates the complex ways in which these forces interact and impact daily life. In essence, Tokyo Godfathers effectively explores themes of transphobia and the intersection of classism and queerness, and though not entirely unproblematic, is unique and powerful in its complex characterization of both Hana as a character and the oppressions she faces as a transwoman who is homeless. 

(Hana speaking about her desire to be loved)

Before beginning, it is important to note that the following analysis is of the 2020 English dubbed re-release of Tokyo Godfathers by GKIDS. As of now, there are many fan-subbed versions of the film circulating on the internet that misgender Hana in their subtitles. The GKIDS re-release does not so I will not be addressing that form of transphobia in my analysis. Similarly, in the original Japanese version, Hana is voiced by a man, and the fluctuations of her voice, from high and feminine when she is happy, to low and masculine when she wants to be intimidating, is present and follows a very transphobic trope in comedy. In the GKIDS dubbed version, Hana is voiced by Shakina Nayfack, a transwoman, actress, and activist, and these vocal fluctuations are not present so, once again, I will not be addressing that form of transphobia, as it was not present in the updated version that I watched.

How Shakina Nayfack used her voice to reclaim trans representation in animation

(A short article on Shakina Nayfack, the English voice actress for Hana in the 2020 GKIDS re-release)

Though Tokyo Godfathers does not have the popularity or mainstream attention to be considered a breakout text, it’s humanizing and complex characterization of Hana breaks traditional transphobic tropes, particularly in comedy, that lends itself to “creat[ing] small cracks in the glass ceiling of cultural consciousness and makes room for future breaks” (Cavalcante, 2017, p. 4). Hana is the main protagonist of the film. She is both the center of comedic relief, the leader of her found family and the driver of the plot as a whole. It is through her desire to fulfill her dream of becoming a mother, and her desperate need to understand why parents abandon their children (as her parents did to her), that motivates her, and in turn, her friends, to find the child’s parents themselves, instead of going to the police. It is in this complexity that Hana, “breaks historical representation paradigms” of both trans characters and queer characters as a whole (Cavalcante, 2017, p. 2). In her desperate search to love and be loved, Hana is immediately humanized, her identity centered in love and family, and not in her gender or sexuality, as so many queer characters are. In addition, she is not portrayed as “sexless” as is the norm for queer characters, wherein they can exist in media as long as their love stories and intimate desires do not. Though very subtle, Hana is the only character in the movie that has a love interest, Gin, and she had a boyfriend, who died, but is still a key part of her characterization. Though these love stories are not centered in the film, they are the only ones in the movie, and this exclusive existence, unique to Hana, illustrates their importance to both the themes of the movie and Hana’s character.   

(Miyuki asks Hana about her feelings for Gin)

(A photo of Hana and her ex-boyfriend Ken at the club she once worked at)

That is not to say that the queer representation in this film is by any means perfect. As mentioned, the movie is a comedy and thus falls into the historical “preponderance of these representations occurring in the comedy”, especially given that  Hana is the comedic center (Dow, 2001, p.130). Even more so, there are instances in which Hana’s trans identity is stereotyped and used as the joke itself. In one scene, she flirts with a cab driver knowing that he is uncomfortable by the fact that she is a trans woman, and his transphobia is framed as comedic. She also has a very flamboyant personality, with sharp emotional highs, and equally dramatic lows, that once again plays into stereotypical representations of transwomen as over-the-top and overly dramatized to the point of ridiculousness. In line with this, her previous line of work was as a drag queen, and though scenes of her in the drag community are dominated by a sense of love and community, it still plays into already established tropes of transwoman living as a performance. In these ways, her representation at times leans towards the role of the “clown...putting on a show for The Other” where it is “never quite clear whether we are laughing with or at this figure” (Hall,1995, p. 22).  However, as mentioned above, Hana’s complex and nuanced backstory, combined with her frequent acts of heroism and her leadership role, make it so she is deeply humanized. Though her dramatic personality falls into these stereotypical tropes at times, it does not detract from her character arc of motherhood and finding love, a nuance that is missing from many stories of trans women in media.  

(As pictured, Hana’s emotions are very dramatized and quickly jump from very high to very low)

This nuance is heightened through the intersection of classism and queerness, which is an equally prevalent theme throughout the film. In particular, class struggles are illustrated through medical care. At one point, Hana falls ill, and Gin is forced to give away his life savings in order to pay for her treatment. It is also here where Hana’s gender identity is questioned, as the hospital houses her in the men’s ward, and she explains that she “is not pleased with this”. This particular intersection of class and queerness within a medical setting is impactful given the long and “oppressive role of medicine in trans people’s lives” (Keegan, 2016, p. 607) and the strong tendency of media to tell trans folks stories, about both life and transition, in a way that is medicalized. For Hana, the discrimination she experiences at the hospital, and her inability to pay for her treatment, illustrate the violence of intersecting oppressions of queerness and homelessness in medical systems, while also straying away from the problematic representation of trans folks that are centered around a rhetoric of medicalization. More visually, the family is also a key illustrative example of how class and queerness are explored. The trio is constantly visually contrasted with traditional Japanese families in a variety of settings. This harkens back to ideas of “alternative forms” of families that queer folks create and this difference is visually exasperated by the trio’s homelessness, making them stand out in whatever space they are in (Keegan, 2016, p. 607).

(An angel asks Gin if he would rather have her magic or an ambulance. He chooses the ambulance.)

(Hana in the hospital. The subtitle reads “This ward, it’s the men’s isn't it?”)

(One of many scenes where the trio is set up in  familial positions)

As a queer, white woman living in the United States my subject positionality had a great effect on how I consumed the movie. Most notably, I was born and raised in Western society, and given that this film is Japanese and made for Japanese audiences, there is a variety of cultural norms and perceptions that I did not pick up on because of my lack of familiarity with them. In the same vein, I watched this movie translated into English and, as with every translated work, there are words and subtle, yet important, nuances in the language that were very likely lost to me as a viewer. My identity as a queer woman made it so that I was drawn to Hana as a character and was very moved by her deep desire to be a mother. The movie is steeped in images of Hana and her friends encompassing the idea of a non-traditional family, and since I would love a family of my own one day and I expect that to look different than the dominant nuclear family norm, I really focused my experience on the variety of nontraditional families that this movie shows, all of them as loving as the next.

(Hana and her drag mother reuniting)

(Hana and her family)

As a whole, Tokyo Godfathers, though not without its faults, is a refreshing take on the traditional feel-good Christmas movie trope, delving into class and queerness, and using the two to explore what it really means to be a family that is loving and kind. Spoiler alert, that family looks a little something like one ex-drag queen, one man with a gambling addiction, a teenage runaway who loves cats, and their baby they found in a dumpster.  

Sources

Dow, Bonnie (2001). “Ellen, Television, and the Politics of Gay and Lesbian Visibility.” Critical Studies in Media Communication 18(2), 123-140. 

Cavalcante, Andre (2017). “Breaking into Transgender Life: Transgender Audiences’ Experiences With ‘First of Its Kind’ Visibility in Popular Media.” Communication, Culture & Critique, 1-18. 

Keegan, Cáel (2016). “Tongues without Bodies: The Wachowskis’ Sense8.” Transgender Studies Quarterly 3(3–4), 605-610. 

Hall, Stuart (1995). “The Whites of their Eyes: Racist Ideologies and the Media,” in Gender, Race, and Class in Media 3rd ed., pp. 18-22. 

[stahlop]

Making a Memory (5/?)

Well, here we are. Chapter 5. This chapter was a beast to write. Hopefully, you'll be satisfied with the answers this chapter provides.

Thanks again to my betas, @profdanglaisstuff and @thisonesatellite. I thought they were going to hack this chapter with a machete. Turns out, they wanted me to add a bit more. So that was amazing to hear.

Check out the banner artwork by @gingerchangeling​. There is also artwork by @mariakov81 at the end of this chapter.

Enjoy!

Chapter 1 2 3 4

Ao3

Defeating Gideon had been surprisingly easy, if Emma called sacrificing herself and hoping to God and any other gods that were around that her sacrifice meant she would get to live her Happy Beginning with her family and new husband, despite having just been stabbed in the gut. And thank goodness it was True Love’s Kiss worthy, because Emma really hadn’t wanted to die. And considering that was the final battle, she felt it was the least scary out of everything they’d had to face in the past. The Black Fairy just preened and monologued most of the time, while Gideon had his heart stolen, so she couldn’t blame him for him wanting to kill her (she had immediately asked Belle to put a protection spell on his heart, like Regina had with Henry and she had with Hook after their hearts had been taken, which Belle readily agreed to).

But now life was… well it was normal. And normal was not something Emma Swan-Jones (yes, she was hyphenating) had seen in the past few years. And it was... strange. It was strange living a perfectly normal life with Captain Hook as her husband, who insisted on using the iPad to find healthy recipes for dinner since he knew she would eat Pop Tarts or bear claws for breakfast and Granny’s for lunch. It was weird seeing him just lounging about in sleep pants on the weekends when they weren’t working (thankfully, David still worked weekends for them so they could have time for themselves along with the actual Three Musketeers spread throughout the week, who made pretty good deputies), or taking her and Henry out on the Jolly Roger to go fishing, or any other number of domestic fantasies she’d once had about idyllic life in Maine. What wasn’t strange was after a year of domestic bliss when the stick had shown the words ‘pregnant’ and she hadn’t freaked out about it whatsoever.

Because there hadn’t been any danger in over a year, which was the longest the town had gone since she’d arrived. Nothing, nada, zero, zip, zilch. Just some bad dreams which was to be expected after everything they’d gone through in such a short amount of time. And which had made her and Killian a little more carefree. It wasn’t as if they were getting any younger. She was pushing 32 and Killian was… well, they’d agreed he’d be 36 according to the paperwork Regina had magically made for him. Killian hadn’t taken kindly to being on the closer end of 40, but Emma had insisted that it just made him more worldly, and if they did ever venture outside of Storybrooke, he could freely talk about things he had done in context with his age. And now parenthood was going to be part of that.

“When does it get to the good stuff?” Hope huffed, interrupting Henry’s reading of the epilogue of his book. They were sitting in a tent in the woods only a few miles from where Henry was going to meet their parents later that day. Alice seemed to be having the time of her life, completely enthralled with the sequel to her favorite book, which seemed to be the real life account and love story of their parents and the defeat of multiple villains, until the final battle happened three years after Henry brought her to town. She’d read it the entire drive to the campsite and Hope had discovered she was a very enthusiastic reader. She constantly yelled or gasped or cried at something that happened in the book. Hope had gotten a chance to read much of it last night and the rest when the sunlight filtered into their tent that morning. She’d always been an early riser, unlike her mother and Henry. Hope had to admit it had been a fun adventure tale, (although the first few chapters chronicling the first year Emma had been in the town of Storybrooke had been pretty boring and in the last few chapter everyone seemed wildly out of character), but she wasn’t sure if she actually believed this was a true account of anything, like Alice and Henry did. Henry had insisted that he read the final chapter to them together, so they could understand what had happened.

“Not every chapter needs to be action packed or full of chase scenes.” Henry admonished her. “Besides, don’t you want to hear about what happened after your parents' Happy Beginning?” Alice clapped giddily while Hope rolled her eyes. Henry had always been a bit dramatic growing up, but Hope still couldn’t wrap her head around this whole fairytale business Henry was trying to sell her.

Killian was ecstatic to learn he was going to be a father. Although, after everything he’d been through, the thought of having a child was a little daunting. He’d never imagined he would ever become a father. Of course, he and Milah had discussed it, but having a baby while being a pirate would never have worked. Once she had died he’d never even considered it until he met Emma. And now it had finally come to pass that he was being given the opportunity to become a father. He already knew having a child would be the greatest adventure he’d have in his life.

Of course, when the ultrasound indicated they were not only having a girl, but two of them, Killian’s head went a little fuzzy and he had to sit down with his head between his legs so he wouldn’t pass out (Emma had teased him about it for days after and brought it up to everyone they came across).

Twins!

They were having twins. When he’d finally got his head on straight he picked Emma up in his arms (again reminding her he’d carried rum barrels bigger than her) and twirled her around. He was excited, so excited. Not only was he going to get the chance to be a father, but he’d get to do it twice in one go! His dreams quickly became consumed by little girls with his hair and Emma’s eyes, or Emma’s hair and his eyes. They’d be sailing, play sword fighting, drawing, all the things he wanted to teach them. They quickly agreed on names for the two girls. Alice for his mother and Hope because of everything they had gone through and the hope that had gotten them through. Emma had insisted that they use the names Cleo and Margaret for middle names, to honor two influential women in her life. So, from then on, Baby A became Alice Margaret, and Baby B was Hope Cleo.  For the next few months everything was complete bliss.

When Emma hit her third trimester, her mother, knowing that twins could come early, insisted on hosting Emma a baby shower. Emma agreed on the condition that it was a small affair. No grand balls or carnivals like she was wont to do. And so, on a sweltering hot day in early September, Emma entered Granny’s which had been closed down just for them, to find a large group of women waiting for her. Snow had stayed true to her word and not invited the whole town. Emma was relieved to see many familiar faces, including Ruby and Dorothy who had used the ruby slippers to come to the event, Belle who had brought a two-year-old baby Gideon with her (even though it still freaked Emma out slightly that this tiny child had once tried to kill her), Ashley and Aurora with their broods (they had both added one more child over the past few years), Elsa and Anna, and even Mulan had made the trip, though her girlfriend, Merida, had refused the invitation, Emma couldn’t blame her since she’d only known Emma when she was dark.

Things had been going great. Regina had made her lasagna, much to Granny’s chagrin. Zelena was even giving helpful tips despite Emma having sped up her pregnancy (she reminded Emma that she had done midwifery research when she’d first come to town). It was nice that everyone in town was actually getting along despite the terrifying last few years. Emma really shouldn’t have been surprised when it all went to hell.

Alice gasped so loudly that Hope actually jumped from her seated position on the tent. Her heart had immediately started pounding in her chest.

“Geez, Alice!” Hope said perturbed. “Lighten up. It’s just a story.”

“It’s not just a story.” Alice argued. “We’re reading about our mother. If anything, you should be the one more concerned as you got to actually grow up with her.” She sniffled as her anger gave way to tears. Hope almost wanted to roll her eyes, but she knew how strongly Alice felt about this all being real. Hope still wasn’t sure what Henry’s endgame was here, but she did know that she and Alice were sisters. She knew that with every fiber of her being. But Snow White and Prince Charming were their grandparents? The Evil Queen had cast a spell to bring them all to their land to get her happy ending? Their mother was married to Captain Hook (considering Alice knew her father had a false hand, she seemed quite surprised that’s who their father turned out to be), a former villain turned hero? It all seemed a bit much. She hoped there would be a simpler explanation somewhere down the road, but she was determined to let Henry play out his little fantasy for the time being until he brought their parents to them later that day.

“I’m sorry.” Hope sighed, placating Alice. “Please continue, Henry.”

A swirl of golden smoke appeared in front of them. Emma immediately went on the defensive, a ball of white light forming in her hand. She could see Regina conjuring a fireball at the strange plume of smoke and out of the corner of her eye she saw Granny duck behind the counter for her crossbow.

As the figure in the smoke came into view, Emma took in the mass of dark curls framing an olive face from under a black hood. The woman had big eyes with heavy lids and red lips that almost put Ruby’s to shame. Her burgundy gown seemed out of place for the modern town of Storybrooke, in that it looked like it belonged more in Camelot than even the Enchanted Forest. It was trimmed in the exact same shade of gold that her swirl of smoke had been. Emma realized she’d been staring too long at the woman who had just crashed her baby shower, but she had the overwhelming sensation thrumming through her body that she knew this woman somehow.

“Who are you and what do you want?” Emma growled at the woman who had made no attempt to do anything after her grand entrance. The room had gone impossibly quiet. Even the children who had attended with their mothers weren’t making a peep. Granny still stood behind the counter, crossbow in hand, but she too wasn’t making any comments. Regina still had a fireball ready to go, it’s fire crackling at her fingertips, but nothing else happened.

“I’ve slowed down time.” The woman said with a deep voice, one that seemed as soothing as a lullaby, but chilled Emma to the bone. The voice seemed familiar to her as well, although she couldn’t recall from where. “They can’t perceive what we are doing right now, but that’s why they’re not responding to me and only you know what’s going on.” The woman smirked at her. Emma had the impression she was supposed to be impressed.

She wasn’t.

“I’m only going to ask you one more time.” Emma said, using all her strength to pull her hand back, a ball of magic swirling within. Her other hand instinctively went over her stomach to shield her children. “Who are you and what do you want?”

“Oh, my sweet dear.” The woman said in what Emma assumed was supposed to be a motherly tone. It sounded sweet and calming, but Emma could hear the evil lurking underneath. “Haven’t your dreams told you why I’m here yet?”

A cold chill ran down Emma’s spine as she realized how she knew this woman. She’d been in her dreams!  Floating above her, the woman would chase her through the streets of Storybrooke threatening to take something from her. Something that would…. make the woman stronger, if she recalled the dream correctly..  Emma had dismissed it as an anxiety dream; the woman representing any number of villains that could spring up and ruin her happiness. But here she was, in the flesh, and already Emma had failed to protect anyone around her.

“You asked why I was here.” The woman said, her voice suddenly going from calm and soothing to cold and calculating. It now sounded like nails on a chalkboard to Emma’s ears and she couldn’t suppress another shiver that ran down her body. The woman gave a simpering smile at her. It made Emma sick to her stomach. She still had her magic at the ready though. She was not giving this woman an inch.

“My name is Gothel…”

“Like from Rapunzel?” Emma spoke without even thinking. Gothel turned to her slightly frazzled from Emma’s outburst, but schooled her features back to the smile that creeped Emma out to no end.

“I have never bartered a child for greens, nor kept one in my tower. Nor have I kept a child in my tower to keep my youth.” She said menacingly, her face pinched. “Yes, I have done my research into what your realm thinks of me.” Gothel’s features changed back to look like a woman who would dote on a child rather than hold one against their will. “I am simply an ordinary elemental witch. Content to commune with the four elements and let them use me for what they need.”

Emma did not miss what she had said.

“And what do the elements need?” Emma was quickly losing her patience. And she had to pee. Two babies didn’t leave a lot of room for her bladder.

Gothel smiled at her. “I knew you’d understand.” She practically purred. “It’s not what they need, Emma dear, but what they have told me. Some very disturbing things they have told me, and unfortunately for you, it means that your children are a danger to me.” Her blue-gray eyes flashed almost black. She slowly made her way up behind Emma and spoke directly into her ear.  “This is not a warning, this is an absolute truth. Enjoy what little time you and your children will have together, because I will not let the whispers come true.” And with that Gothel poofed out of the diner in her golden smoke.

Immediately, the patrons of the party sprang back to life, almost speeding up comically. Everyone looked around for whomever had come from the golden smoke, but all they saw was Emma crumpling to the ground holding her stomach and sobbing.

Alice gasped as Henry read the last part and grabbed Hope’s hand, as if the move would comfort her as well. Hope was in no need of comforting. She just wanted to get to the end of the story so she could understand. The story was taking place in early September and Hope knew they were born in late September so there was no suspense if this was supposed to be about their birth. She knew her mother was alive and well, so she knew nothing bad was going to happen to her. This all just seemed... redundant.

She could see Henry staring at her, gauging her reaction. Alice seemed close to tears and Hope couldn’t understand why. She’d never even met her mother.

“So what is this evil supposed to represent, an almost miscarriage? We were born, so obviously everything is okay.” She rolled her eyes at both Henry’s eagerness and Alice’s sadness.

“Wow!” said Henry with a shocked expression that then turned into a smile. “You really are just like mom. She didn’t believe me either.” He looked back down at the book, preparing to continue reading. “Don’t worry, the interesting part is coming up.”

Being at the hospital, not knowing what was happening to her or her babies was the scariest thing Emma had ever faced in her life. And that was saying a lot considering everything she’d faced. But she wouldn’t know how to even look at Killian if they lost their girls. The men had gone out on the Jolly Roger during the party, taking a pleasure cruise, so to speak, so Regina had to poof out to them to let them know what had happened. Killian came rushing into her room, and grabbed her hand, and a fresh wave of tears spilled down her face.

The barrage of questions came from his lips immediately. “Are you okay? Are the babies okay? What did the doctor say? What happened? Is there a new villain? Are you okay?” It actually made Emma’s heart sing, the level of concern he had for her.

“I think I’m okay, same with the babies. Whale just assessed me to make sure I had nothing external wrong. We’re going to do an ultrasound to make sure the babies are good.” She paused for a moment, dragging his hand to her cheek, something that always soothed her. “It seems there is a new villain in town. Her name is Gothel.” He quirked an eyebrow since she had shown him Tangled. Gothel had not been anyone he’d ever come across in his travels, so they’d figured she’d been made up for the story. “She said our babies are a danger to her and she won’t let whatever is supposed to happen, happen. She said this wasn’t a warning. Just the truth.” Her voice started to waiver again.

Killian pressed a kiss to her forehead as she let the tears fall again. How many times was she going to put him through this? How many times was there going to be danger that he could do nothing to prevent from happening? But instead of comforting her some more or telling her everything would be okay like he was prone to do, he stood up, his body vibrating with anger, his hand pulled away and fisted on his jeans.

“I’m going to talk to the Blue Fairy.” He said suddenly. “After Whale tells us that the girls are alright, because they are going to be alright, Swan. This...Gothel... wouldn’t have told you that they’d be a danger to her if they weren’t going to be okay. This was a scare tactic. An intimidation. And I will not have my family worried about some impending doom. We’ve come too far for this to happen now.”  Emma reached for his hook and pulled him toward her.

“Just stay with me for now. We’ll worry about this when we know everything is alright.”

But according to the Blue Fairy it wasn’t alright.

“Well, she’s definitely more than an elemental witch.” Emma and Killian stood in the Blue Fairy’s office, which was covered with large tomes, smaller books, and even a few scrolls.

“So you’ve heard of her then?” Killian asked darkly.

“Yes and no. She goes by many names, Gothel being one of them. Gothel actually means godmother and being an elemental witch means she’s most likely descended from a forest nymph or dryad. Possibly even from Gaia herself.” Emma saw Killian immediately get a worried look on his face.

“I take it Gaia is bad?” Emma asked, suddenly feeling the weight of not finishing high school or going to college coming back to rear its ugly head at her. Killian grimaced and she could see him thinking of the best way to tell her what she was not understanding.

“Gaia means earth in Greek.” He stated plainly. It didn’t take Emma nearly as long to figure out what that meant as she thought it would.

“Wait! You think Gothel is descended from Mother Earth?” she exclaimed.

“I think she’s exactly who she says she is,” the Blue Fairy said before Emma could spiral out. “But I think she’s a lot more powerful than she’s letting on.” She paused and gave a sigh before continuing on. “I found a prophecy in an old book. Probably as old as me. I think it’s the prophecy that Gothel is alluding to, but I need to study it first before I decide if it actually pertains to you. I don’t want to mislead you or give you false hope or false terror if it’s not the correct one.”

Emma wanted to rip the paper out of the Blue Fairy’s to read what it said. She could feel Killian tense up next to her, most likely thinking the same thing. But she calmed herself. How many times had she ‘jumped to conclusions’ before examining all the evidence first? It was one of her biggest flaws when she first started sheriffing and she wasn’t going to start doing it again. She took a deep breath to calm herself.

“Okay.” Emma said, squeezing Killian’s hand to let him know that they needed to let the Blue Fairy do her job. “We’ll trust your judgement. Just let us know as soon as possible so we can come up with some sort of a plan. In the meantime,” Emma said, turning toward Killian. “I’ll put a protection spell around our house, the bug, and the sheriff station.” She turned back to the Blue Fairy. “Do you know of any protection spells we can use on ourselves or the twins?”

The Blue Fairy shook her head. “Unfortunately, protection spells can only protect objects and people within them. And you know from personal experience that they aren’t one-hundred percent effective.” The Blue Fairy said. Emma nodded, remembering her experience with Regina and her mother, Cora, in Gold’s shop years ago.

“Here.” The Blue Fairy said, conjuring up some chalk and pressing it into her hands. “This might help. It’s infused with fairy dust. It may look like glittery chalk, but it’ll have a little more kick to it than a spell and regular chalk.” Emma squeezed it and mouthed a silent ‘thanks’ to the Blue Fairy. Killian gave a slight bow.

“Thank you Lady Blue.” he said before they turned and left.

Hope was about to scream into her pillow. She checked her watch, noting that there was another hour before Henry had to leave to meet her mother and Alice’s father. She wondered if this epilogue would ever get to the point. She still had no clue why she and Alice had been separated and why their ‘parents’ didn’t remember each other. This whole thing was getting more and more absurd by the moment. Now Gothel had been brought into it? She remembered seeing that movie as a kid and not really thinking that Gothel had been a subpar villain compared to some of the other Disney villains out there. She knew in the real version the witch had no purpose for taking the baby except in trade. But in Henry’s version it was seeming like she had no real connection except for a random prophecy. Now she felt like they were veering into Harry Potter territory.

Henry must have sensed her frustration, again, because he paused his reading to stare at her. “I promise, Hope, this will all make sense soon,” was all he said before diving back into the book.

Emma and Killian spent the next few weeks in fear. The twins weren’t due until mid-October and they had no idea if Gothel would come around again. Both Emma and Killian, plus the Blue Fairy, Regina, Gold and David had been trying to figure out where Gothel had come from and how she had gotten into Storybrooke. Once they realized that the waters that came from the well were the same waters in Lake Nostos, Tiny had managed to take some of the burned beans he’d saved from years ago and restore them. They now had plenty of beans to make portals to go all over the realms again, but they were highly regulated by David, Snow, and Regina. People in Storybrooke could travel by portal, but, as far as anyone in town knew, no one from any other realm could travel to them. Usually someone from Storybrooke took a portal to the other realm, gave them a bean and took another portal home. They didn’t want beans falling into the wrong hands and becoming a black market trade item again. Of course, there always seemed to be beans regardless. But, there were only a few select people who knew about Storybrooke. How in the world would Gothel know about them and how in the world would she find them?

While everyone else was working on the Gothel problem, Killian had discovered online that some really rare phenomena were going to be happening in the night sky. “There a Harvest Moon tonight!” he yelled animatedly. “I wonder if it will be orange like a true Harvest Moon or red like the Blood Moon?” Emma loved when he got passionate about astronomy, the man who was once guided by the stars. “It’s also a Super Moon,” He said almost in a teacher-like voice, “because it’s so close to your realm. And….” he paused for what Emma assumed he felt was an even more amazing discovery  “It’s also a lunar eclipse!” Killian grinned widely.  “Even in my hundreds of years, Swan, I’ve never seen anything like this!”. Emma could only hope that she’d be able to stay awake for it.

Killian had just started cooking an early dinner so they could just gaze at the night sky when the first contraction hit.

“Are you okay, Emma?” Killian dropped the mixing spoon and ran over to her.

“I…I think I just had a contraction.” Emma was concerned. The babies weren’t due for another month, but she also knew twins could come early.

“Do we need to head to the hospital?” Killian asked, clearly nervous and concerned.

“No.” She said, kissing him on the cheek. “Water hasn’t even broken yet. Let’s have dinner. Lord knows they won’t let me eat in the hospital while I’m in labor.” Emma was surprised at how calm she was over this. Considering the last time she’d given birth she’d been chained to the bed and not even taken a look at Henry, she was feeling very empowered. Being in charge of her pregnancy the way she wanted to be had a way of doing that. They sat down to eat for their last meal as a family of two (Henry was at Regina’s, but they’d both be at the hospital when they felt it was time to go), when the contractions started ramping up.

“I think it’s time to head to the hospital.” Emma said. Killian grabbed the go bag that they’d packed and headed to his old Jeep Cherokee they’d bought on a trip to Boston.

“That’s what kind of car Papa drives!” Alice exclaimed, interrupting Henry just as the tension was getting good.

Henry smiled at her. Hope was feeling something akin to anticipation. She felt like they were finally getting somewhere in the story with their impending births. She knew that had to reveal something.

“Are you alright, Hope?” Henry asked, concerned. “You’ve been really quiet.”

“I just want to finish the book!” She said through gritted teeth. She really needed to know how this pertained to them, and all of Alice’s disruptions were starting to grate on her nerves.

Henry nodded at her and Alice and continued.

Alice Margaret Swan-Jones arrived at 9:07 on September 27th, 2015. The lights flickered around the hospital on Emma’s final push. Whale had been concerned (once Alice had been bundled up and placed in Emma’s arms) that it could have been Gothel, but Emma assured him that it was most likely her magic, and that the same thing had happened when Henry was born, only she hadn’t been aware it was her magic at the time.

There was a perfect view of the eclipse from the window in their room. Emma and Killian watched as the almost blood red moon traveled across the sky and then disappeared when it was caught in the Earth’s shadow. Emma was glad she had this rare occurrence, plus her new daughter to keep her mind busy while she waited for her other daughter to make her appearance. Hope seemed to be taking her time, and it was making Emma nervous. She knew she could ask Killian to invite Henry and her parents and any other number of people who were anxiously awaiting updates into her room to meet Alcie, but she really wanted to wait until both babies were out. Whale had also started talking about a c-section if Hope didn’t make her presence known soon, as twins usually were born within minutes of each other, not hours. Right as the moon started to peak out from the shadow of the Earth, a huge contraction hit Emma again. It seemed Hope was finally ready.

Hope Cleo Swan-Jones was welcomed into the world at 12:27 on September 28th, 2015. Emma and Killian were astounded when they realized that their girls were born on separate days, but they were just thrilled that they were safe and healthy. Emma had almost hoped her relatives and friends had gone home instead of waiting around, but they were all there, ready to see the newest additions to the Swan-Jones clan.

Henry insisted he be the first to see his new sisters, followed by Snow and David. Even Regina was permitted to hold them, something Emma could see she cherished, being allowed to be part of their family. It was almost three in the morning by the time everyone started to filter out and the Blue Fairy arrived, a look of despair written on her face.

“What is it?” Killian immediately asked. He had Alice in his arms and hugged her protectively.

“The prophecy is as I feared.” She looked down at the floor, almost as if the prophecy she suspected belonged to them was her fault.

“How can you be sure?” Emma asked. She had been drowsy just a few seconds ago, but now it was if caffeine had been put into her IV drip.

The Blue Fairy pulled out a thin piece of parchment from thin air and handed it to them. It was written in an elegant script, something Emma would associate more with a love letter rather than a prophecy.

When the moon becomes red with blood,

And darkness covers the land

Two will be born.

One ere the witching hour and one hind

To conquer nature’s sinister conjurer

By separation will make stronger

And reconciled on the day and night the true harvest moon meets.

Emma read through it several times, not quite understanding. Her mind was swimming from the events of the day and that adrenaline jolt she’d just had was now coming down. She was desperate to know and understand, but she just couldn’t focus at the moment.

“Killian, take Hope.” And she immediately passed out.

“Is it over?” Hope wondered, thinking that was an odd place to end the epilogue.

“Almost.” said Henry, but before continuing on he asked, “Did you understand the prophecy?”

Hope thought about it. “The moon becoming red with blood and the darkness is obviously the Harvest Moon and lunar eclipse,” she said.

“And the witching hour is usually midnight.” Alice interjected. “So it’s saying one would be born before midnight and the other after, just like we were.” But I’m not sure about the rest.” Alice frowned.

“Well then.” Henry said, noting that there were only a few pages left until the book was finished. “Let’s see what we can find out.”

Emma awoke to sunlight streaming in her window and Killian and the Blue Fairy deep in a whispered conversation. At first she was confused about why the Blue Fairy was in their bedroom, but as her arm hit the guard rail of her bed, she remembered that she’d given birth to the twins that night. She quickly turned to see the girls both sleeping soundly in their bassinets to the side of her, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

“Ah! There’s the happy little mother!” Killian whispered loudly and got up to kiss her on the forehead.

“What have you learned?” Emma asked, keen to understand the prophecy and how to defeat Gothel.

“Well, we know this prophecy pertains to us because it mentions the twins and the fact that they’d be born last night on either side of the eclipse during the Harvest Moon. All that business in the sky last night was apparently a welcoming celebration for them.” Killian joked halfheartedly.

Emma shook her head to clear away the last vestiges of sleep that clung to her.

“May I see the prophecy, please?” She asked, holding out her hand for the parchment. The Blue Fairy handed it to her. Both she and Killian tried to say something about it, but Emma put out her hand to stop them. She needed to look at the prophecy and come to her own conclusions before she heard what they had to say.

“Okay. I understand that the first half pertains to our girls, but what about the second half? Nature’s sinister conjurer seems to be a fancy way of saying Gothel. Being separated from something makes her stronger? And what does it mean by a true Harvest Moon?”

Killian stepped forward and took the prophecy back from Emma’s hand. “That’s what we’re trying to figure out, love. The Blue Fairy and I have already hypothesized what it could mean. But, don’t forget, prophecies don’t necessarily mean what you think they mean.” He placed the prophecy down on the side table and took a picture of it with his phone so they could study it more later.

“So what do you hypothesize then?” Emma asked curiously. Her brain was still too muddled to even guess at what the second half could mean.

“Well,” the Blue Fairy began, “judging from her cryptic message at your shower, we think that she thinks your twins can do some damage to her, or vanquish her in some way. Nobody seems to have heard of her in any other realm that I’ve been able to reach out to. And the only Gothel people know of here is the Rapunzel fairy tale, which, from all accounts, seems to have been completely made up and not based in any truth.”

It didn’t make any sense to Emma. Why would a seemingly low-level witch, that didn’t seem to have made any sort of name for herself in either the good or evil camp, want to hurt her children? Why would a prophecy be written about her children defeating this unknown witch, who by all accounts hadn’t done anything to anyone yet?

Yet.

“Have you looked into other prophecies that might pertain to Gothel? Anything about an elemental witch or nature’s sinister conjurer like our prophecy calls her? Maybe she hasn’t turned evil yet. Or maybe this whole thing leads her to turning evil.” Emma said, letting her thoughts take over.

“A self-fulfilling prophecy you mean?” Killian asked. Emma could see his mind working. “Like that Oedipus Rex fellow who killed his own father and married his mother?” Emma laughed at one of the few outside of fairy tale literary references she actually recognized. She was about to say something when a loud wail pierced the air.

“Looks like one of our little ladies has awoken from her slumber.” Killian said, walking over to the bassinet and picking up Alice, who was practically eating her fist.

“She’s hungry.” Emma said, holding out her arms for Killian to put Alice in. The Blue Fairy rose and told them she’d look into other prophecies that might pertain to Gothel. Emma got Alice all ready to nurse when another wail was heard.

“Ready to try and change a diaper?” A nurse said, entering the room. Emma laughed at the horror-stricken look upon Killian’s face.

Hope let out a deep sigh. This epilogue was getting them nowhere, and it was too long. Hadn’t anyone ever told Henry that the epilogue should wrap things up and not bore the reader? But Henry wasn’t paying attention to her, nor was Alice. They were totally engrossed in the story that Henry was reading. Hope checked her watch and noticed that Henry would need to leave in half an hour. She really hoped the story would be finished by then, though that seemed impossible at this rate.

It was two years before Gothel made herself known again.

Two years in which the twins learned to crawl, and walk, and talk, and gained teeth, and grew hair, and had their own little personalities.

Two years in which Snow insisted on getting as many pictures of the girls as possible in matching outfits that she insisted on buying for them.

Two years of Henry writing down every small story that happened and filling books as the author.

Two years of silence in which Gothel was almost forgotten.

Almost.

It was a month after the twins turned two that the Blue Fairy started hearing whispers from the Enchanted Forest about a new evil that had taken root. Just small things at first, nothing she even felt was necessary to tell Emma and Killian about. A spark that ignited a forest fire, but no casualties. Spells that seemed to have gone wrong leading to bad weather, or higher or lower  tides that affected the lands. But then, the reports escalated to the decimating of crops, the killing of livestock, the burning of entire forests. It seemed the ‘elemental’ witch was using the elements to drive out the citizens of what she was now calling ‘her’ forest.

Emma had started having nightmares about her daughters being taken away from her, or trapped in a tower that she couldn’t reach. The worst were the dreams where she and Killian and the twins were separated and she couldn’t find them all to put their family back together. She would cling to Killian crying while he stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head, reminding her that they were safe, while showing her their sleeping girls in their cribs through the baby monitor.

After one such night, Emma and Killian were rudely awoken by a pounding on their front door. This immediately set the twins off, which is why Emma was very rude when she flung the door open.

“WHAT THE….” she started, but then saw the Blue Fairy standing before her looking as though she hadn’t slept in weeks. Her clothes were wrinkled, her eyes had purple circles around them, and her usually neat and tidy hair looked like she’d stuck her fingers in an electrical socket.

“I’ve figured it out.” She said, not waiting for an invitation into the house, but just barging in and heading to the kitchen table.

Emma looked perplexed as Killian came in holding both girls on either side of him. He handed Hope to Emma while he put Alice in her high chair.

“Figured out the prophecy?” Killian asked, gathering items to make breakfast for them all.

The Blue Fairy nodded.“Everything! Who Gothel is. Why she’s after you. Why we haven’t been able to find anything about her previously!” Emma barely remembered to place Hope in her high chair before sitting down, her mind whirling.

“I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out why and how she came to you two years ago, when she was unknown to anyone. It didn’t make any sense. Even the prophecy I found was written by a seer only a few months before Gothel came to you. And then there was only recent happenings that suggested that Gothel was fairly new, so I went to the Enchanted Forest and consulted with an Oracle.” She paused, Emma inferred, to collect her thoughts.

“The Gothel that came to see you was much more powerful than the Gothel that is currently trying to terrorize the Enchanted Forest. She was able to cross realms and slow down time. Not even Regina or the Dark One at the heights of their power could do something like that. Rumplestiltskin had to get Regina to curse the entire Enchanted Forest in order to cross realms. Gothel, at this point and time does not have the capability to do this.” Hope banged on her tray, startling them all.

“You’re saying at this point and time.” Killian said as he cracked eggs for breakfast. Emma had to admire how he could stay so domestic while being told about someone who was trying to harm their children. “I’m assuming that’s not just for dramatic effect.”

“You would be correct. The Gothel that visited you came from the future. That child she bartered for in her story? Used to make the same kind of time traveling spell Zelena attempted to do. According to the Oracle, she’s been studying up on you and your family ever since she came into possession of the prophecy and figured out who was going to destroy her. It seems she’ll become quite the vicious ruler, even worse than Regina, if that’s possible. She’s trying to recover the land of her foremothers by ridding it of all humans. It seems our theory about her being a descendent of Gaia is true and she’s reclaiming Gaia’s land for all elemental witches because we have destroyed it too much for her liking.”

Emma tried to wrap her head around what the Blue Fairy was telling her. A very sizable foe had traveled back in time for the express purpose of warning her that her daughters were a threat and that she would be coming after them because of a prophecy. She knew she must be missing something, because she was feeling very much like Harry Potter learning about why Voldemort had attacked him as a baby, but having not understood that he fulfilled the prophecy just by going after Harry. Had Gothel shown her hand by warning them?

“So, what does all this mean?” Killian asked, bringing over a bowl of scrambled eggs to the table on top of plates for everyone. He scooped some onto the girls trays and then plated some for himself and Emma, the Blue Fairy shaking her head when he offered her some.

“It means she’s going to try and separate us all at some point, according to the prophecy.” Emma said matter-of-factly.

A grim mood settled over them, the twins too young to understand happily eating their eggs with their hands.

The Blue Fairy bid them farewell and promised she’d do more research into how to avoid the prophecy, but Emma knew that prophecies were usually unavoidable, but could often be circumvented to a degree.

Unfortunately, it was too late.

It was the next day when Gothel came back. Emma, Regina, and the Blue Fairy used all the magic they could to keep her at bay, but her magic was much too strong. She had all four elements on her side to work with, and their magic was not enough to defeat the original source of magic.

After weeks of Gothel beating the town down with rainstorms, hurricanes, carnivorous plants, and almost anything else from nature that could be thrown at them, it was Regina who finally had the idea for them to leave Storybrooke. Gothel’s magic wouldn’t work outside of the town. Emma was adamant that they stay and fight. She couldn’t leave the people that she loved to fight this witch without her. But even her parents begged her to get out of town after weeks of Gothel attacking them. They’d holed up in Regina’s crypt, protected by blood magic, the one type of magic Gothel didn’t seem to be able to break. But because of the high price blood magic required, they couldn’t use it to protect the whole town.

“It’s the only way, Emma,” Snow and David pleaded with her. “We can let you know when we’ve defeated her or figured out how you and the girls can defeat her. Please.” Snow was crying into Emma’s shoulder. Seeing how much her parents were scared for her finally got her to change her mind. She and Killian packed up all they could into her tiny, yellow bug and into Killian’s Jeep. They would head out of town the next morning. Henry insisted on coming with them, much to Regina’s chagrin. But he was 17 and wanted to see more of the world and help protect his little sisters.

Emma was reminded of their goodbyes at the town line when Pan had cursed the town and she and Henry had to leave while everyone went back to the Enchanted Forest. Only this time, she had her husband and children with her, and the Snow Queen’s Scroll to get them back in when the threat of Gothel was gone. She would still be able to talk to her family and friends on the phone, or even video chat. Everything was going to be okay.

Emma had Hope and Henry waiting in the Bug, while Killian had Alice in his Jeep. They were about to cross the town line when Gothel appeared, floating in front of them. She threw a bolt of her magic below her directly onto the town line stopping them in their tracks, cackling the whole time.

“You think you can run from me and my magic?” She threw her head back in a shriek, her black curls whipping all around her in a black halo.

Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. Emma wondered if Gothel had slowed down time again, but she realized it was just the fear of the moment. Emma got out of the car, her magic crackling in her hands.

“This ends now!” Emma said angrily. She was tired of this. Tired of the fear that had hung over them for so long. She just wanted to defeat this bitch and go back to her normal life.

“You wanted to separate yourselves from your family to defeat me, fine! I’ll make sure you are separated from everyone. No one will even remember you were here.” And with that she pulled out a bottle from her dress pocket and uncorked it.

“No one here will remember you and you won’t even remember each other.” The liquid from the bottle had begun to bubble and golden smoke started to pour forth from it. “This whole town will never remember the Swan-Jones family. And you will only know who you leave town with.” Emma’s eyes widened with realization that if they left town she wouldn’t know Killian or Alice, and they wouldn’t know her, Hope, and Henry.

“Emma, Killian, you have to leave!” Regina shouted at them. Snow and David nodded in agreement, tears streaming down their faces. “The prophecy says you’ll defeat her, somehow you’ll figure it out, even without your memories. Now go!”

Emma and Killian looked at each other, both of them now realizing that they would not know each other once they crossed the town line. That their love story would not get a happy ending. And that their twins would both grow up without one of them.

“I love you, Swan.” Killian said from where he stood next to the Jeep, his hand on the handle ready to get back in. “Never forget that.”

Emma nodded, tears streaming down her face. “I love you too. We will have our happy ending.” They smiled at each other, not even having enough time for one last kiss. Emma sat herself in the front seat and the both drove through the golden fog over the town line together.

Emma only vaguely remembered the Jeep that kept up with her most of the way on her trip down to Boston. She was too concerned with how worried Henry seemed to be about their move, probably still reeling from Neal’s death a few weeks prior. She hoped their move to a new place would help him find the peace that he so desperately sought.

Tag List: (Let me know if you want to be added or removed)

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[descalibrary]

When Pak M proposed me years ago, I told him that I’ve given up the ideas of having children. It’s not that I don’t like children! I do love them and I’m always a magnet for elders and other people’s children somehow. Having children are time-consuming. They aren't some sorta try-out that you can go and say , “oh this method doesn't work, let’s try another method on our kiddos.” They aren't like our pet whom we can say,“Water is in the kitchen so help yourself.” (I know the last line is a little bit like Seinfield’s a little bit). So we decided from the beginning of our partnership for not adding more numbers to the world population. The only parenthood we’ll closely go is to adopt two Labradors and name them Lenin and Stalin when we both move and settle permanently elsewhere in the future (defo not in the near future ha!). We both are too freaking old for having children anyway lol. I, therefore always admire my Biyung (mother-Javanese dialect) for her devotion to the family. It’s not easy to become a wife, a mother of four (the quiet & devoted son; the only mischievous daughter; a melancholic son whose main interest is in sports and hiking; another quiet-motor-cross junkie), a civil servant and a caterer . I admire my friends who dedicate themselves to become a housewife and a mother. They do the toughest jobs in the world, baby! But most of all, I admire Mak in Reda Gaudiamo’s Na Willa. Na Willa tells a story of a little girl named Na Willa. She'll make you giggling and feeling nostalgic from reading her set of adventure like trying to hop on a moving train. Willa also has a good heart and she always stands for her friends. She tries to console Dul when he loses one of his feet. She keeps sticking around him through thick and thin. I also love how Reda tells the issues that the children normally question: about race, being tolerant to others, kindness and other social issues from the lens of children perspectives through the interaction between Mak and Willa. Ah, I can go on with this lovable book but I’ll keep the rest of the review for the second book in the upcoming post. Grab your at @post_santa for an affordable price. It's worth reading. (at Desca's Library) https://www.instagram.com/p/CN_nbwIr3Sl/?igshid=1jra30qyaxp6i

[frazzledsoul]

I’ve been warming up to the idea of writing a Philadelphia-centric chapter in my Jess-fathers-Rory’s-spawn story).

I have zero chance of doing this justice, being a failed Birmingham, Alabama hipster myself and never having been to Philadelphia or any American Northeastern city at any point.

But I found this article here about a Vodka flavored pizza and I had to write about it.

So, standard disclaimer here: this takes place in the A Simple Twist of Fate timeline. Rory’s child is fathered by Jess and by March 2018 they have been married for a while. If you want to know more about how that happened, read the regular fic.

(If you’re curious about what happened to Logan, he married Odette and had a very nice life himself).

So on with the story!

March 2018

Scarpetta Philadelphia wasn’t one of Rory and Jess’s usual haunts.

They lived in the historic district of Philadelphia, and they liked it. If they went out to eat (which wasn’t often, since they did have an 11-month-old daughter) they usually chose High Street or Capofitto. If they were really adventurous, they went to the Independence Beer Garden. Rory had finally completely weaned their offspring the week before she went on her book tour, and they were slowly getting back to being a couple that occasionally imbibed adult substances.

Very occasionally. There was trouble fitting that around a new book, a book press to run, and a toddler who was beginning to realize her potential for household destruction.

Rory’s book had done modestly well. It wasn’t a runaway best-seller, but there had been write-ups in a few national papers, and Rory had done some local TV interviews as well. It seemed to be selling better digitally than it did print, which was mostly Rory’s doing. Jess had no passion for e-books beyond realizing their necessity. After all, he had spent days taunting Rory about the fact that e-book sales had gone down in their more recent “courtship” days before certain test results had turned their relationship in a completely different direction. Rory understood the format and knew how to market it in a way that he hadn’t, and that had definitely been an asset to their business. Despite what almost all of their colleagues had warned them, their business – and relationship – worked better when it had a husband-and-wife team at the wheel as opposed to just him.

Things were looking better for them financially, and both of them began to wonder if they would be better off selling the townhouse and settling down in a neighborhood that was slightly kid-friendlier. The idea of more offspring had been floated a few times, but they couldn’t handle it given the cramped space they still existed in. Rory was still very lukewarm at putting aside her pills any time soon: she had handled her new career and motherhood a lot better than she thought she would, but she had heard a few too many of Lane’s horror stories about raising twins, and she didn’t know if they were up to the challenge of two kids. Luke and Lorelai were invested grandparents (as were Liz and TJ – well, they tried, at least) but they still lived almost four hours away.

Biological issues aside, that topic was tabled for the near future. The baby had been dropped off at Liz’s house for the weekend with the implied understanding that she would gravitate over to her other grandmother’s the following night, and Rory and Jess were going to sit down at this nice restaurant and consume a pizza marinated in vodka.

And maybe they were going to drink some shots. A lot of shots. It had been a difficult week.

“Are you making us do this to prove you’re not a bot?” Jess asked Rory after he had downed the first two shots of vodka and the first slice.

He had expected the taste to have tapered off because the vodka had been baked into the food before it got to them. It hadn’t. There was vodka in the cheese. It was in the sauce. It was in the crust. It was everywhere.

His head was beginning to swim. He reached for another slice.

“If I wasn’t a bot before, I might be now,” Rory retorted as she and Jess clinked shot glasses. She had already polished off three slices of pizza and was starting in on the shots.

They called an Uber afterwards instead of risking getting in their car and ended up repeating the actions that had led to their sudden parenthood on the living room floor.

Sometimes they got a little too carried away with their alone time.

“Did you save me a slice?” Lorelai asked two days later as she handed over her squirming granddaughter.

Rory shook her head, still remembering the fearsome hangover she and Jess had spent most of Saturday recovering from. “It wasn’t what I expected.”

“First night out in a while, huh?”

Rory brushed her daughter’s black hair out of her eyebrows as she squealed. “You could say that.”

Lorelai grinned. ‘I have a better idea for next time.” She whipped out her phone and showed Rory the headline on her web browser

Rory was currently glad that Jess was outside talking with Luke because she knew that he would be incensed.

A Philly’s Cheesesteak pizza? At a pizzeria in Queens?

“This is violating the integrity of our city’s vaunted food traditions,” Rory told her mother.

They quickly made plans to visit there the next time the two of them were alone in New York.

[ledenews]

Kris Galmarini: Channeling a Free Spirit

The youngest of three children, Kris (Warfield) Galmarini has always been a bit of a free spirit. Growing up in Wheeling during the late 90s, she had a penchant for music and creativity, but also adventure. Going with the flow and conforming are not in her wheelhouse. She met young Bob Galmarini at a Young Life retreat while in high school. She felt a strong connection early. Naturally, Bob hailed from Cleveland. Far from ideal, but they managed to stay in contact via letters and phone calls. While her friends gathered at the lunch table, gabbing about the day’s events, Kris stood in the hallway by the pay phones, talking to the man who one day would become her husband. Why? She had a feeling. And when Kris gets a strong feeling, she runs with it. It’s character trait that’s served her well throughout her life. She graduated from Cal-State Northridge in 2003 with a double major in business and music. She was soon married and the two moved to Charleston, S.C., where they still have a home. After the birth of their second child (of three), both Kris and Bob were yearning for a creative outlet and came up with a clothing line named after their two children (Neve and Shepard Hawk). Neve & Hawk was born. It’s grown from offering children’s clothing only to multiple lines, two production facilities and a flagship store in the charming town of San Anselmo, California, mere miles from the Bay Area. It does more than $1 million annually in sales. Not bad for running with a feeling. That same energy and sense of spirit encompasses the Galmarini family. They live free, channeling the parents’ sense of adventure. That same feeling is represented in each piece of clothing they sell.

What started as a children's clothing line has expanded. Kris takes painstaking steps to ensure the quality of her clothing lines, not only in design, but also material.

What inspired you to go into this industry, not only in general, but to also offer the handcrafted, exclusive items that comprise your line? Each piece seems unique; where does the inspiration come from?

In 2010, after I just had my second baby, my husband and I would create together at home when the kids went to sleep. We desperately wanted to find ourselves again in the haze of a newborn and a three-year-old, yet didn't have the finances or the time to get that fulfillment outside of the home. So, we decided to tend to our passions inside of the house- playing music, sipping wine, and creating at night while the kids slept.  My husband, Bob, is an artist and I had a passion for clothing design and so we combined our arts. What started as a t-shirt line quickly turned into more. And, here we are, 10 years later with a full clothing brand and flagship, all items produced in San Francisco and Peru. I think that at each stage, the concept and design is the focus and we haven't strayed from that. The design and ethical ethos behind our brand are what is important to us and what will be most important to us as we continue to grow.

The front of the Neve & Hawk flagship store in San Anselmo, California is pictured.

How has the business progressed from inception to where it stands today, not just in location and volume, but in how spread out the customer base is. Do you find you do more business at the flagship store or online? Also, any additional plans for expansion, both in locale or offerings?

Our brand started as a kid's clothing brand and was solely that for over five years. We only were direct to consumer (online) and in other stores (wholesale). We were doing great, but I wasn't happy. I didn't like being behind a desk, chasing money and dealing with stores. The creative part was secondary, and I began to hate my work. So, I started to figure out exactly what I wanted. And, it was a space to both sell and create in a world in which I wasn't managing accounts. So, I stopped all wholesale immediately and started the search for our first brick & mortar shop. When this happened, I decided to begin women's clothing and it quickly grew legs of its own and kind of dictated our direction. That was 2016. We have now had our store for almost four years. And, while our shop carries home, women’s, kids and men’s, our brand is 99% women’s. As for the percentages of sales online and in store- we used to sell more online. But we now are pretty even, doing almost $1 million a year in combined sales. As for expansion, in December we opened a craft coffee shop inside our flagship, partnering with an amazing woman owned, San Francisco-based coffee brand Lady Falcon Coffee Club. It has brought life to our store and has been so fun. And, ironically, has kept us alive during this weird time with Coronavirus. We are hoping to take this flagship model of store & coffee house and open another location in Charleston, South Carolina in the next year as we still consider Charleston home and still have a place there as I didn't want to fully let go.

One of the newest additions to the flagship location is the coffee shop, which wound up playing a huge roll in bridging the financial gap during the heart of the pandemic closure.

As a business owner, how has the pandemic affected you differently than the average citizen? You have a brick and mortar store to contend with, and employees? What affect has it had on them and how difficult was it to make the decisions you had to make?

The past three months been hard. I am not sure which has been more difficult, the emotional toll or the drop in revenue. The first few weeks were about fighting for my employees, coming up with a plan and doing hours of paperwork to get a PPP loan. We were unable to open at all and our production was shut down immediately in both countries so there was a lot of confusion with how to proceed. I am happy to say my full-time employees never missed a paycheck. And, they have been rock stars. It has been a delicate balance of making sure my employees are safe and figuring out how to make money during this time to make sure we survive. A whole lot of pivoting. That coffee shop we added the end of last year? Turns out it is what has saved us in many ways as were able to open curbside and also began a coffee delivery program locally, so people did not have to leave their homes during this time. Those things have kept us alive. We also did a pre-sale for clothing items that were in production when everything shut down and our customers really supported us in that release. We are so incredibly grateful. Now, we are open curbside most days for retail and coffee as well as coffee delivery and subscriptions, just trucking along and learning a lot along the way. We also took the first month off to get our whole flagship online- every brand and artist we carry in our physical location is now on our website too. It’s something we have wanted to do for years but never had the time. There are silver linings in this craziness. I have to focus on that, or I will just cry.

On your website you do a lot to mention and promote other small businesses in your community. On paper, it seems like a nice little town full of a variety and yet close enough to a major metropolitan area like San Francisco. Is it the perfect mix?

I love where we live--San Anselmo, California. It is the best little town and the community is wonderful. So many great restaurants and stores not only in our town but in all the other small surrounding towns in Marin. It is only 15 miles from San Francisco, right over the Golden Gate Bridge. It really is such a great mix and I feel so lucky to live here. As for other small businesses? YES! We must all support one another. The idea of us all being competition is sad to me. We are stronger together. Why feel threatened?

It's not uncommon for the Galmarini family to set off on an adventure. That freedom of spirit is what makes them who they are and its encompassed in the Neve & Hawk clothing line.

You met your husband in 1996 and you’ve been on this incredible journey together. You work together, play together, have three children. And you’re successful together. Given how other families struggle to make their lives work, do you ever have to sit back and pinch yourself?

I met my husband, Bob, in 1996 at Young Life camp. I used to call him from the pay phones in the North Commons and we wrote letters back and forth and dated on and off until 2001 when my mom passed. It was at her funeral that we reconnected and were married in 2004. We have lived in San Diego, LA, Charleston, and the San Francisco area. We have three kids—Neve (13), Shepard (9) and Sebastian (3). We came to San Francisco for his job, yet my work started to boom once we came. I think the key is that we have always been supportive of one another. I do pinch myself, all of the time. But it isn't always easy. Trying to navigate his crazy job (he is senior director of brand design at Slack) and my business, as well as the kids and their activities and school isn't always pretty. Sometimes it is an exhausting struggle. But we are both all in and that means everything. We also both are adventure driven so we are constantly dreaming up scenarios for our lives and then sometimes we just do them, even if it isn't the smartest investment. We are dreamers and also doers and those things combined can be amazing, and dangerous. I think the hardest thing is to make sure we carve out time for ourselves so Bob can surf, and bike and I can run or pretend I am running and read a book with wine in my hand. Whatever it is, we need to escape to it to fill up to be better for our kids and each other. Do we still want to punch each other sometimes? Of course. That is marriage and parenthood. Anyone that says otherwise is lying. Read the full article

[parentingguide8-blog]

4 Legit Reasons New Parents Are F@cking Annoying

New Post has been published on https://parentinguideto.com/must-see/4-legit-reasons-new-parents-are-fcking-annoying/

4 Legit Reasons New Parents Are F@cking Annoying

I am a father, but I am not so deep into fatherhood that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to hate new parents. I remember having my entire Facebook feed hijacked by indistinguishable, jelly-eyed newborns all wearing the same hospital hat. I remember the 100-percent-sober ponderings between moms and dads over who the baby sneezes like, and their blatant attempts at radicalizing new members during 4:30 p.m. dinners. Every smug, “I didn’t really know what happiness was until I had Boston” or “The things I cared about before seem so inconsequential now that we have Pensacola” is another rip in the seam holding the tenuous relationship together between new parents and their childless friends. I promised myself I’d keep my head up as a new father, that I’d pay close attention and never do any of these things. Then I did all of them anyway.

I’ve lived on both sides of the medical curtain, and I want to least help explain why this phenomenon happens, hopefully salvaging a few friendships. If you don’t have kids, please understand, there are four really good reasons the rest of us are suddenly intolerable.

4

The Hero Of Our Life Story Suddenly Shifts

Everyone is the hero of their own narrative. This may be the fault of movies but it feels more primitive than that. Most people have a vague idea of a story ending they are working toward (finding mutual love, some semblance of career fulfillment, drunkenly beating open the head of an enemy with a bowling pin, etc.). I am generally a deeply selfish person. When I would treat people poorly, or get fired from jobs in my early 20s, I felt fine about every step because I was just completing the wayward Act Two of a coming-of-age story I’d read a hundred times. What I never anticipated and what I don’t think a lot of new parents anticipate is how quickly and completely those goals shift as soon as a child erupts into the world. Something instinctual flips in the brain of a new parent, causing them to willingly demote themselves to ancillary characters who only want to advance the story of this new protagonist.

Pixabay Public Domain Ok, in this scene, your baby will be trying pie for the first time.

Unfortunately for your friendships, that means a lot of what you probably liked about your friends vanishes, at least for a while. They aren’t up for new adventures or building new memories with you because that’s a weird B-plot now that would probably get cut in editing. In those first two years of a child’s life, parents will mentally fast forward through anything that isn’t directly related to their role as a parent. New moms and dads regularly set aside time for themselves every day to just look at pictures of their kid on their phone. They spend most of their downtime while the beast sleeps, sitting in the silent ruins of what used to be their apartment saying, “I just love him so much” or “She’s so great, right? She’s so great.” Not even fiction is so bold as to build a scene where supporting characters do that about the hero.

Part of that is because parents are habituated to the oxytocin their baby’s presence pumps through their brain, but mostly it’s because they are terrified that if they aren’t always thinking of the baby, they will get distracted and fuck up irrevocably.

3

New Parents Are Constantly Afraid Of The World (And Themselves)

This is going to get dark so bear with me. While you may look at a baby and think, “Fine, whatever. Another one that’s just like the millions of others,” you likely don’t even realize that you are tacitly acknowledging that this is “another normal healthy one like all the other normal healthy ones you’ve seen.” New parents are not living by the same baseline. They are still privately calculating the probabilities of this tiny thing’s non-existence. While someone in love may obsess over all the situations in which the other person might leave them, parents know that the only way the baby stops being their baby is through death.

Pixabay Public Domain Don’t ask how I know, but this is exactly how mine will happen.

Having a healthy child makes you feel lucky in a sickening way, a way that seems cosmically undeserved, like at any moment the world will take notice and set itself right again. As a result, we think about death a lot. I walk into a new room and I watch my son die a thousand times based on everything that can poke him, fall on him, electrocute him, or lodge itself in his trachea. Then, despite all of it, I have to turn him loose to explore for himself. I wake up in the middle of the night certain he is in our bed and that he’s suffocating under the sheets somewhere near our feet. These situations play with such clarity in my mind that it’s like I’ve felt it in some non-linear time, like I’m already practiced in losing him. If you can remember the feeling you’d get as a child watching a scary movie and being unable to emotionally divorce yourself from the fiction, it’s the same feeling; the barrier is gone again and you are suddenly vulnerable to your own emotional Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

So if new parents seem like they are never fully present when you’re together or like they’re just not as fun, understand they are regularly weighing death, regardless of how irrational it is. The fear passes, but it takes time for irrational fears to give way to rational because they all look the same at the start.

Now, if you’re thinking, “You’re being over dramatic, I’ve had pets that I love like a child. I can still step outside of that love and live a normal life,” then let me just say …

2

The Love Is All Consuming

Cards on the table, I can’t speak with any authority on the similarity between love for a pet and a child because I’ve never had a cat. I’m always impressed and bewildered by childless friends who tell my wife and me that, in a lot of ways, having a new puppy is harder than having an infant. While they might be right, I want to tell them that the love for a child doesn’t actually feel like love, it feels deeply unhealthy.

Sit down. We’re going to talk about my child’s first steps.

It’s not just that parents love their child more than anything, they love their child more than everything combined. It’s an overpowering, throttling love that has to be tempered just to get through the day. Sure, certain moments help douse the flame, like when a child in your lap spontaneously rears back with their head and pushes your incisors up into your skull. Or when babies throw up in your mouth, or throw up in your eye, or pee in their own mouth while throwing up in their eyes. But during the quiet moments with an infant where you allow yourself to indulge — to bend to the love completely — hugging your baby is like hugging a lost love you would give anything just to see again, and then you got your wish.

There’s just no room for anything else. It’s why strong/healthy relationships can teeter on the verge of collapse in the sudden presence of a newborn; you have to intentionally carve out and set aside love for the other person, or the human larva just absorbs everything.

So if you are a friend to a new parent, the reason they lose their social priorities or context for what’s interesting is because they’ve temporarily lost context for everything. They are so singularly obsessed it’s easier to think of them as addicts. They may go to the movies with you, or dinner, or sit through meetings at work like a normal person, but they are never entirely there because they always know that this is just a detour to that wondrous, beautiful sack of heroine waiting at home.

And like addicts, you can’t just give up on them, because …

1

We’re Trying Not To Lose You

This may seem completely intuitive but new parents don’t want to be this way. They aren’t dragging their baby to your birthday at a bar as an excuse to bail early, they aren’t spinning every conversation toward parenthood because they are narcissists, and they’re not posting 100 photos of the same goddamn trip to the aquarium to be malicious. They do it as a desperate bid to keep you in the loop of their life.

There’s a very good reason it’s so hard to talk to someone you haven’t seen in years and then run into again in a grocery store: you can’t possibly fill them in on everything and it’s all those unshared moments that separate you. We’re scrambling to make sure that never happens. We’re holding the door for you to what’s most important in our lives right now and hoping you’ll follow us in. In the same way someone who starts running regularly, or juice fasting, or reading The Secret won’t shut the fuck up about it, parents are so excited about this new thing and they hope that they can say or do the right thing to make you excited about it too. Granted, those attempts are frequently oblivious and clumsy but we just can’t help ourselves. You need to love our baby, you need to see what this feels like.

When we invite you to our children’s first birthdays or ask if we can bring our babies to your bachelorette party (I do some dancing on the side), we already know these asks are huge inconveniences. We know our presence will make any social situation objectively less fun. The kid aside, we are still secondary characters obsessed with death and dealing with a drug problem.

But we also know this isn’t forever.

We’re trying to do just enough to maintain our relationships through the hard part until our children become more autonomous and their continuing existence helps calibrate our fears. We’re all at least peripherally aware that when we abandon everything in our lives other than parenting, it actually makes us worse parents in the long run. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, come to my kid’s birthday. Spend some time around him, smell his head. Smell it. He’s great, right? Man, wouldn’t it be crazy if you just decided to have one? Have one.

Soren is a senior writer and editor for Cracked. You can follow him on Twitter here. Also, you don’t really have to go to his kid’s birthday, just say you have a thing.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/

[ironkittenalpaca-blog]

Does Facebook Transform People Into Narcissists?

I can easily CLEARLY envision much more than once on hCG, attempting to eat a bowful of diced cucumber along with some salt on that and also a dash of vinegar. Exactly what you said has actually generally been my risk way of thinking for fairly time now, with the help of reading publications and also blog posts off people like you 2 fellas and also Tim, as well as Seth Godin, as he refers to the lizard brain" at all times. Whole-grain consumption is favourably associated with metabolic risk factors for type 2 diabetes mellitus and heart disease in the Framingham Offspring Study1,2,3,4 Nicola, McKeown, James B Meigs, Simin Liu, Peter WF Wilson and Paul F Jacques. They are good for folks just beginning this invention, however not specific to any kind of particular nutritional needs like diabetes or even cardiovascular disease. I assume I am going to maintain my sabbath time after p4 (tidy eating during the full week anyways). 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Yet, when I am actually along with all of them, I think that I'm the same size as they are, until I view images of us together. http://micibucurii-blog.info/choco-lite-comentarii-pret-review-in-cazul-in-care-pentru-a-cumpara-care-este-pretul/ like that would certainly avoid folks coming from putting on their own by means of such programs so as to create body weight. Reid was actually born in the very small, abandoned exploration community of Searchlight, Nevada: populace 200. Bluehost's simple cost is actually $2.95 a month, which works for 99% of people (visit this link to get a FIFTY% rebate off the regular monthly cost and also a free of cost domain). MICHAEL MARMOT: Well, I believe the initial thing to state and your referral to Martin Luther King is appropriate, that the opposite from poverty is actually certainly not riches, it's justice. Therefore, our ideal audiences are individuals that have an interest in checking out minimalism so they can remove the road toward much more relevant lives. I have actually presently had 3 partners, each concerning 2 years, yet as a frequently developing human being actually", I consistently think one thing skipping. If you cease to assume concerning that, which can easily be actually a distressing idea. And there is actually No Chance to tell just what the maker has actually featured in their organic flavoring due to the fact that they don't need to state it. I inform everyone that asks that natural tastes" is a thinking call you must create by yourself. I don't think any kind of ladies need to be actually consuming while pregnant, even though it is actually one beverage every day. I assume the point needs to be made that there is actually nothing at all naturally inappropriate along with sausage as food items. One of the records searchings for were actually alarming data on youth self-destruction, which presented Aboriginal as well as Torres Strait Islander men in between 25 and 29 had the highest self-destruction costs in the whole entire planet. This's simple for folks to put away stress issues as something every person deals with" and to misconstrue the severity and effects they may trigger. I think the majority of our team listed here are actually seeking methods to boost our lives by means of economic freedom and also the pursuit from significance, so a public dialogue in between you pair of on this subject you appear to disagree on would certainly be actually highly beneficial to us. I don't carry out hefty excersize, I either walk 2 kilometers a time or perform Thirty Minutes on the elliptical.

I have no idea all the technicians however I find it odd that they don't simply have a weight of folks the day from. Possibly would create banking on right stuff harder;-RRB-. As many people commented just before me, most of us are dealing with you, and also you possess an amazing on the web assistance crew! Other issues you'll experience are other substances in your present formula are going to prevent the absorption from others. Certain, I presume a time or more from training, one session from sprinting, and as a lot slow-moving action as you may possibly stand every week are reasonable intendeds for the community, but that is actually honestly truly wide open. You're likewise ideally omitting the massive amounts from folks who are deathly adverse peanuts (where as various other almonds are actually merely alright). I suppose this never ever struck them that your ordinary healthy individual is certainly not visiting think to have supplements-we are more likely to desire to utilize them when our team're persistantly ill. If I cannot also lose 2-3 pounds, I understand the reviews concerning scale substance addiction yet I still think something is wrong. I dislike to find folks end up being inhibited through declarations created thoughtlessly and without real advantage. Although I locate a lot of your messages in the second classification incredibly interesting, this blog post as well as the one pointed out above possess a humanness quality concerning all of them which aids individuals relate to you better as well as is motivating differently. When I was actually a little one & individuals offered me chocolate Easter eggs, they would still be in my cabinet uneaten at X-mas! Level to connections with individuals who reside in various phases of parenthood or even lifestyle, or whose views or practices differ off your own. Health Squier and Julian Pastry shop are actually certainly not the only folks and also firms lying-there are many others and also you are actually again invited to explore - to learned about some of them. Our experts have two qualifiers in my area, one is a tough 100k program along with 5700m vert and the various other a fairly effortless 100k course along with 2.000 m vert. Anyway, if you're longing desserts and breadstuff aside from your some others problems and/or you experience your worst bloating after taking in yeasty breads or even sweet items (also natural sugars like fruit product and also natural honey), you may possess a yeast problem. I presume I could have some complication along with apples - if I consume them for a continuous amount of time I are going to receive lesion sores. Oprah financial gain is actually that from her 10% advantage in WW. Oprah is one of the wealthiest individuals around the world. He threatened to break away to sea if his daddy carried out not provide him the option from where he could apprentice. To settle I only stop on my own off over justification by considering below 3 to 1 and afterwards going all out. The most ideal means to learn to dive is actually to delve into the deep end! Plus, in a globe where personal trainers take pride in on their own off duty clients entirely diminished and exhausted, our team are adoring the Action's mild instruction philosophy: 1) Start where you are actually, 2) Perform exactly what you can. Operating permitted me in order to get a totally free learning at UCLA, as well as ultimately wear the red, white colored, and also blue at the Globe Championships and also Olympic Gamings. The goal of Outside is to inspire energetic participation on earth outside by means of acclaimed insurance coverage from the sports, people, locations, adventure, inventions, health and wellness and gear, fitness and also clothing, fads and celebrations that comprise an active way of life. Folks wouldn't believe that is actually an area from paperwork, and that is actually not, for most of other-people-who-try-to-do-the-same-thing-and-do-not-succeed". There appears to become a difference in people who choose the crew sporting activities and also the private sporting activities like rock-climbing and surfing.

[stars-forever-dwell-blog1]

A Few Words on Passion

So I got to thinking about the issue of passion after I wrote my last post…art can be a mirror. And reading said post back to myself, and examining my thoughts in general, I’ve realized that passion is something I think about a great deal of the time. I’m not talking about sexual passion here, but things in life I’m passionate about. Which leads me to think about my parents.

I don’t know if all kids reach a point where they put their parents under the microscope in order to decide which traits of theirs they want to emulate, and which they want to discard, but I definitely did, and continue to. And one of the biggest things I’ve noticed about my parents is that they really didn’t have an all-consuming passion for anything. After they had my sister and me, for all intents and purposes, they ceased to be people. Maybe this was normal in the ’70′s and ’80′s, because the widespread myth that parenthood completes you was still accepted much more than it is now. Whatever the case may be, the example they provided for us was extremely bland. My mother stayed home with us, cooked, cleaned, sewed, and my father worked. He truly hated his job (which was teaching) and was, in some ways, more of an absence than a presence.

But it’s not like they were never interesting people. My father was raised on a farm in the middle of Bumfuck, Manitoba, and despite the fact that his entire community believed that farming was The Way, The Truth and The Life, he left said lifestyle and moved to The City (a point of contention between him and his parents for the next 30 years…seriously), and he even backpacked around Europe in his 20′s. My mother was born and raised in Freiburg, Germany as well as Italy (her mother was German, her father Italian), and when she was in her 20′s, she moved to London to work as an au pair. She then came to Canada for a year, with the plan to head east to west, ending in BC, and then fly home again. BC was what she wanted to see the most, her promised land. Instead, she got as far as the prairies, met my father in Winnipeg, and ended up marrying him, having two daughters, and staying for 30 years, despite her family’s serious disapproval of marrying someone who wasn’t “her kind.” In other words, German. (Yes, the fact that her parents were not “of the same kind” is not lost on me.) They never once came to Canada to visit her, and I’ve never met anyone from her side of the family to this day; she won’t talk about them at all.

When she was 19, she got pregnant and decided to keep the baby, despite her father kicking her out of the house. She moved in with her sister and worked 3 jobs to support herself and her son, who she named Michael. After a year of this, she realized she couldn’t give him the life he deserved, so she gave him up for adoption.

Those two short paragraphs above are literally almost everything I know about my parents’ pasts. Is this weird? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I see two people who were interesting, adventurous and brave. What happened? How did flying overseas, challenging outmoded paradigms and blazing trails beyond social acceptance change to peanut butter sandwiches, Sesame Street and parent-teacher conferences…and nothing more?

It’s true that I’m not a parent, and I’m sure there are many things about it that I don’t understand. But I still firmly believe that you don’t have to stop being a person in order to be a good parent. I can see how it could happen, especially back twenty years or so. But becoming aware of this change in my parents has made me even more resolved to not go down the same road, whether I ever have kids or not. I think that a lot of people get older and just grow complacent. They forget the fire of their youth, the reason behind what they were passionate about, what they were willing to fight for and sometimes even die for. Comfort becomes more important, maybe too important. When I was 18, I heard about a clear cutting protest on a small island in BC, and I didn’t give a second thought to packing up everything owned (which fit into a 100L backpack at the time), and catching the next ferry out. I pitched my tent and I poured myself, body and heart and soul, into the cause. There were real discomforts (no showers, no electricity, no laundry, no heat, and any and all of our food was donated by the community), and real dangers (angry loggers who were just trying to feed their families, who could at any time resort to physical violence…and they did on several occasions). Yet never once did I waver in my commitment. This year I’m turning 32, and if I ask myself honestly if I would do it again…I would. Though now I see with a broader perspective, and I realize that there are different, maybe better ways to protest clear cutting than a bunch of neo-hippies living in the woods on a tiny piece of crown land that sits between a raped piece of earth and a logging road. Yet our presence did two things: it was a physical barrier to more logging, if only a temporary one, and it raised awareness for our cause. I often think about this scene from Fight Club, a movie I wasn’t overly impressed with (but this one scene is awesome.) It’s the part in which Brad Pitt is driving the stolen car with Edward Norton beside him and the two members of Project Mayhem in the back seat. As he steers the car into oncoming traffic, he asks, “What would you wish you’d done before you died?” to the car in general. Without pause, the two in the back reply, “Paint a self portrait.” “Build a house.” And Edward Norton replies, “I don’t know.” I really think we should all be able to answer this question without missing a heartbeat.

So maybe passion and the courage to put one’s physical comfort aside for a greater good are “easier” in youth, but they can and should be consciously cultivated as one grows older. As one’s perspective naturally shifts and broadens in some ways, the things one is passionate about should still be held onto and fought for with uncompromising fire. To quote one of my favourite movies:

“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race, and the human race is filled with passion. Medicine, law, business, engineering – these are noble pursuits, and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love – these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, ‘O me! O life! Of the questions of these recurring, of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities filled with the foolish. . .what good amid these, O me, O life? Answer: that you are here – that life exists, and identity. That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.’ That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?”