#i read a lot in february and half of that in march so april should be somewhere in between and i'll be satisfied | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

theresa-of-liechtenstein · 1 year ago

Text

art by em year in review 2023!

for the fourth time, i present to you a selection of the art i did this year! this definitely was the Year of Understanding Procreate, and i think it paid off. as usual, reflections under the cut.

january: i saw @malcolm-f-tucker tag a picture of abigail thaw with a comment about a theresa faceclaim and it left no survivors, i.e. i decided that theresa should have greying hair and did not look back. this was from when i was still trying to figure out what brush to use for lineart in procreate. luckily i had learned my lesson from the sketchbook learning curve and realized that what i liked for lineart would most likely be in the pencil section. however i wasn’t a huge fan of the brush i used in this one, so i didn’t use it again. instead, for later pieces, i decided to customize the 6b pencil brush to my liking, and…

february: …this came out of it! this is still one of my favorite things i have ever drawn, and it’s my favorite thing i’ve drawn yet for herc and linda. this piece really convinced me to use overlay layers more in my art, and the amount of detail i managed to capture in this one still amazes me now. and before anyone asks, yes, they are doing specific things in the startup procedure for an airbus a320-family aircraft, except linda is doing things off the CM1 checklist and herc is doing something off the CM2 checklist, which i learned later is not really something that is done. let’s just say herc is not the tightest stickler to convention.

march: one half of an intended two pieces centered around the f1 au (which, regrettably, i have yet to continue… i just reread what little of the second part is on ao3 and god, it slaps actually, i really need to continue it so bad) depicting a pivotal scene from around the outside, where theresa and linda decide to put aside a childhood feud at the top of the banked curve at monza. at sunset. on theresa’s birthday. i know, very meaningful, incredibly homoerotic. read the fic to see how well that turns out!

april: i always knew i wanted to redraw the first filipino!hercolyn thing i did back in 2020, the one that completely solidified in my mind the notion that These Characters Are Filipino, Actually, and when i got comfortable in procreate i quickly jumped on that. (if you notice, a lot of the stuff i did this year were redraws of old pieces i really liked but wasn’t fully satisfied with.) of course i wanted to draw them in the traditional clothes in my parents’ and grandparents’ wedding pictures. the implication of this being, of course, that this is the soft shoe shuffle wedding. i have a fic planned centered around that, from douglas’ perspective. now that grad school apps are basically done, if my honors thesis doesn’t kick me too hard, i’d love to get on that as soon as i can.

may: YOU JUST GOT COLINED! SEND THIS TO A FRIEND TO TOTALLY COLIN THEM! ah, colin fairbairn: the figure whose presence haunts all of newcastle but is never actually. named. (much to the chagrin of a lot of people who genuinely thought linda’s dad was named colin bc i Wouldn’t Shut Up About It) i just love him so much and i love this piece, i wanted to depict the wistfulness of an older colin whose airline is on the verge of collapse, who has been secure in his job as chief pilot of air cal, who looks out over glasgow airport (that’s glasgow’s runway in the background) and wonders if it’s time to put himself out to pasture. wondering what he could have done differently. it’s okay bby. there’s no way that you could have prevented this. but he’d never believe it. he’s too duty bound. he lives in my head rent free.

june: another redraw, this time of a piece from 2021. i was so happy with this one, and i am very happy with it still! everything about the older piece i loved was improved massively by this redraw: the poses, the proportions, the line work, the coloring. honestly, just thinking about the two of them just existing in the airport, overlooked by bustling passengers, just part of the landscape, but having such a rich history and relationship between them… it’s something i think about a lot and i love it.

july: this comprises the third part of an unofficial trilogy of drawings i did centered around douglas/martin/theresa. in each one, i centered a different member of the ot3: i did one centering martin last year, one centering douglas in the spring, and this one centers theresa between douglas and martin. i really enjoy how i did the expressions in this one: martin, looking out toward the planes; theresa, following his gaze, eager to share in the passion they both have; and douglas, looking down at both of them (yeah i think they’re both shorter than him. i think it’s cute). i feel like when i draw these three, where they look and how they look is very important to me.

august: can you believe before this point i had never drawn herc and douglas together? yeah, me too. anyway, them 🤍 i’ve literally only ever drawn them as older men so trying to draw them younger was. lowkey kind of hard. i’m hoping to revisit air england herc and douglas in the future, especially since i didn’t intend for this to be anything more than a quick bit due to those bisexual divorcee brackets (which i don’t know what became of them in the end except that douglas got through and herc didn’t, lmao)

september: unposted self-portrait done as a part of my aerospace fellowship application i wound up getting rejected from because they required me to do a creative component. not much to say here. anyways.

october: yet another redraw, this time of a portrait of herc, carolyn, linda, and arthur i did a year prior, in october of 2022. i like to think that lfeu!herc carries pictures of linda, arthur, and carolyn in his wallet: he had never wanted to be the family man for most of his life, but in his new life, this new form, he can play it well. something about the coloring seems a little off to me: i think i may have to go in and adjust arthur’s skin tone because i think it doesn’t look 100% right. but i love this one too. i hemmed and hawed for ages over what they should be wearing but in the end i put them in what they’d wear for work bc i couldn’t think anymore. but it turned out super cute and i think it emphasizes what brought the four of them together in the first place: aviation.

november: a cute little doodle of young!colin with baby linda, from a bigger piece. something i generally feel like i’ve gotten stronger with this year has been drawing a larger variety of poses. i discovered that procreate allows you to import reference images in a smaller window that can be very easily dragged around and resized, which was a massive improvement over my previous strategy with sketchbook, which had been to import reference images as their own layers. often, moving it around or resizing reference images resulted in some loss of quality. anyways there’s something just so tender about colin and linda and i love to revisit them.

december: last but not least, we finish off the way we started, with theresa (and an added douglas lol). and boy, how different does december look from january? granted, it’s a different angle, but i personally think there is so much more dimension at the end of the year compared to the beginning. i was less afraid of using overlays to enhance the coloring. and the brush i wound up settling on for lineart really ended up serving me well this whole year, culminating in this piece. not much to say on this one, i like it a lot :)

overall thoughts: i didn’t think i drew as much as i wanted to this year, but looking back i still think i made really good progress and improved a lot from last year, so i’m still happy. definitely want to draw more next year, explore new subjects, and maybe work on redrawing more pieces from previous years because those projects have been very fun to undertake.

once again i want to say a big thank you to everyone who’s ever shared or commented or left a like on anything i’ve drawn: it will have been 10 years next year since the end of the show i primarily create fanwork for, and to still have people out there who like what i do is such a gift. yes i create for myself, but i do also like receiving feedback from others and sharing it with others, so thank you thank you thank you. and happiest of new years to all :)

#em draws #em retrospects #art by em year in review

14 notes · View notes

imdiariesss · 9 months ago

Text

2024 so far..

Starting it strong with a recap for every milestone I've achieved so far this year.

In February, I have defended my thesis well. In March, finished and finalized the manuscript. In April, I was hired as an intern in Cathay Pacific Airways, moved to Cubao, Quezon City until the completion of my OJT hours. In June, finished my internship and that concludes my academic journey for undergrad. In July, I reconnected to some friends, celebrated their graduation with them and just catch up in general.

Well, obviously, this is actually a year of victory for me.

I did not share here how I closed my 2023 but it was on my tablet. I reread it again tonight just to check how am I doing so far. And to spoil you (future self that is reading this), you did very well. I guess pain from 2023 was all worth it, that was the pain you needed to enjoy your present life this year.

Excerpt from the note written last December 26, 2023.

ACADEMIC GOALS:

-Finish thesis with a grade not lower than 3.00.

-OJT in airlines/airport/5 star hotel.

-Graduate with flying colors.

AND THAT WAS A 3/3 ACHEIVED THIS YEAR.

My final grade for thesis was 3.00, my OJT was within Cathay Pacific Airways town office, and I am graduating with flying colors indeed, as a Cum Laude!!

LIKE, HELLO???

I did all that? Yes, I did. This is the time I should give myself the credits for everything I went through just to have the victory I am enjoying right now. The past 4 years of college was never easy for me. The journey was tough but in the end, I see how magical the last 4 years was. I gained a lot of knowledge and experiences that shaped me to be the professional that I am today, which I can proudly say that I am more than ready and equipped to be in the work force in a real world setting. I also grow a lot personally, I lost a lot of people, someone that genuinely believed in me is sadly no longer here, a person who belittled me when I was a kid is no longer here as well, a best friend from senior high school whom I shared half of my college life with is no longer associated with me, and other friends who are surely rooting for me were dropped off my life. The loses I have to deal with for the past 4 years side by side with my job and my studies are heavy, it was too much, the grief was devastating, it was weighing me down the whole time, but it did not stop to do the necessary work just to be able to be in the finish line and get through my undergrad. Now I am finishing this strong, the tough fight is done, but I am very well aware that a tougher fight will only begin soon. But having to deal with a lot in my college years truly strengthen me and prepared me to be the person I am meant to be to be able to conquer the world out there.

My college life is a story of struggle but that is what I want to keep within myself, the story that I want to tell people is how magical this journey was with the help of people who have been with me through it all and good enough not to burden me more.

This journey is beautiful, and I love how it looks like. It all started with struggles, but i'm finishing it with achievement. This is a story of shared victory between me and the people who wholeheartedly believed in me, that made me believe in myself too.

YES, YOU'VE MADE IT THIS TIME. YOU WILL SURELY MAKE IT THROUGH THE OTHER TIMES IN THE FUTURE AS WELL, BE REMINDED OF THIS MOMENT AS YOU BREATHE IN, BREATHE DEEP, BREATHE THROUGH, AND BREATHE OUT ALL THROUGH YOUR LIFE.

Love,

JM from August 2024

Cum Laude.

0 notes

elecman108 · 1 year ago

Text

It's nearly the end of 2023, and... Hey, a lot has happened. I'll put most of it under the read more because there's a LOT to unpack this year, and if you're here to see the original posts for most of this art... surprise! Some of it was never posted! So no links will be provided to balance it out. All of my art is under the same tag though of "#drawings by me" so feel free to leaf through that on your own time.

To summarize the year, I learned (at the end of the year) that my temporary boss was overworking me for most of the year she was working there (yikes, but hey, I did agree to it and was able to... we'll say "keep up with the chaos" to keep it simple) but my permanent boss is, naturally, 1000% better. The side effect is... instead of December being a low month for drawing due to it being the busy month, almost every month is!

The new year should be better. I hope. On to the month summaries!

JANUARY - New D&D character refs made, Lixori as a rabbit (pictured). I didn't draw that much in january, but I claimed big ambitions of drawing more bunny girls. Sadly... I did not. Next year I'll sneak a few in here and there to make up for it - I do love drawing bunny girls (and guys especially) lol. Other than that... Year of the rabbit! Woo?

FEBRUARY - I... only drew this one image of perspective/mirrors practise with Irina and Axel. February was not busy. I was just really burnt out from the holiday season. It was... rough. Home life wasn't great, and I couldn't do much about escaping the frustrations during February anyway.

MARCH - The Existential Dread set in (pictured), my April Fools Day art, and a sketch dump. Yep! I drew my April Fools Day art in March! And early March at that! This month I had planned to take a vacation week riiiiight at the end of the month, but it got pushed back because the "new" staff member I was supposed to train didn't start until the end of the month. We'll get back to that.

APRIL - Sketches. The lineart pictured was never posted, but I cleaned it later (I think in... July or June?) but the sketch was dated back in April. Remember that vacation week that got pushed back to April? It's not riiiight after the first full week in May. Why? Because the staff member didn't know shit and needed more training. Fun fact: there's more to that story coming up.

MAY - Happy Birthday to me! I got my vacation (finally), and used the week to draw more D&D idiots before returning to work and... the "new" staff member ended up making a royal mess of things on my week off. She did not remain for much longer after that. Apparently she talks fondly about working for us, but by god, I have grey hairs. But this isn't a rant post, this is art! I... did NOT do much else in May. Not even a birthday art! For SHAME past me!! Although this month did give me an awesome new coworker (bless!) to replace a previous awesome coworker who moved back to their home city. We're both nerds. It's so funny.

JUNE - That Colour Wheel Meme from Twitter (pictured) and one half-assed drawing of Blaze in front of the pride month fire engine are all I have to show for this month, alongside cleaning up more sketches from back in April. My actual boss had returned and thank GOD. We - as in me, my nerd coworker, and our other coworker - are glad to have our boss back. She's fantastic. This month went by pretty well. But welcome to July, dumbass! It gets worse!

JULY - I forgot to do digital art this month. Why? Because all of my out-of-work time was spent working on doing Card Making craft packages for the clients. Sure, I loved doing it, but it was a LOT of work for not a lot of payoff. To be fair, I offered to cover the weekly groups for our volunteer who had been doing it up to that point before her two month vacation, so... hey! It's just for those two months, right?

AUGUST - Welcome to Burnout 2 (electric boogaloo), but I managed to fight it off by getting back into FNAF towards the end of July. Something about horror games really gets my brain in the good zone I want it to be in. This month I drew Eclipse (once) because of Ruin, this wonderful first draft of how I wanted my AU!Foxy to look, and then... I started work in on my FNAF Full Body Refs. Same as my D&D ones, only for my FNAF characters! I have the same refs for all my other OCs, may as well.

SEPTEMBER - If I told you I was only drawing FNAF and FNAF-related stuff this month, would you believe me? Because I did! I did the main characters for the portion of my FNAF!AU that I had figured out (SB and Ruin with a few extras from past games to fill out the roster), but other than that... Nope! Nothing else! I'm still redoing some of the old ones from back in September. My first batch of them (minus Bonnie, dunno what I was smoking when I made Bonnie bc he looks AWESOME) were a bit rough, so... New year problem for me.

OCTOBER - I did only one drawing and that was putting costumes on my full body references of the FNAF!AU guys! Whoops! I considered posting each character and info about them per day in October, but I just... didn't? Dunno why though, maybe I was just peanut-brained.

NOVEMBER - More FNAF! This time, the lineart/sketches I was doing on the side were all of my OCs, and the odd one was FNAF. Didn't post shit until the very end of the month though, mostly because I forgot to post essentially anything. Whoopsie!

DECEMBER - Yeah I've finished some of my sketches from November (and April), and have more to come. I'm redoing some of the FNAF Refs, and planning maybe in the new year to queue up posts for a while with info about each dude to sort of give insight into my AU to some degree... or... not make such grandiose plans.

Either way, my work schedule is destined to be much more normal come January, and I hope to be able to set aside a day or something to draw every week, because I love it so much. It's been a rough year! Thankfully didn't get Covid this year, but y'know... Maybe next year I'll get sick and be forced to take time off or something so that I can draw more.

Regardless, I'm typing this post up while now 6 minutes left to me leaving for work, so no proofreading for me! Any typos will remain forever.

Catch y'all later! You might see a new years' post from me, or one between now and 2024, but... don't bank on it.

For those of you who made it all the way down to the end of the post... Poke a poll or something. I've never done this feature so here's to figuring it out.

#the disappointment speaks #drawings by me #a day in the life of the disappointment #tumblr woes #life woes #with 3 mins to go I am good! hit post kronk!

0 notes

brodingles · 2 years ago

Photo

Year in Review, 2022

I actually made a couple of these, because it was hard deciding what really encompassed my year. The version above is the one with my Aesthetic version, which has the pieces I think were the prettiest or most aesthetically pleasing ones I did for that month.

This post has my thoughts on the pieces and some overall thoughts on my progression through the year! I’ll post one with just the image afterwards.

January

I spent most of January coming off the end of IR and DMP, and as such I had a lot of. Juniper, Dorkus, and Angie on the brain. I actually made a few of these little comics. >:0 Dorkus is one of my favourite expressions I’ve done in a long time, and it lives in my army of Discord emotes haha.

This kind of WAS my meme for the month, my favourite thing overall.

February

This piece is actually part of a set that I did on stream! It’s part of a set. Keep this artstyle in mind, it will come back later!

Was still drawing Triad Shenanigans this month. I just wanted to share Discount Chocolate Dorkus.

Despite what it may seem like, I actually spent this month planning Tiny Gents! I made headshots for every important NPC for the first oneshot I ran ever in my life. Very shaky knees, but everything went well!!

March

I have no idea what came over me for this one I just went as feral as Barbeau haha. This HAD to be when we were talking about doing a certain DnD game, but the DM and players have been so busy all year we never played. Maybe 2023 is the year Barbeau comes into fruition??

Not the full comic and no Dorkus because I’ve already shared plenty of Dorkus and Juniper needs to be in here SOMEWHERE, but apparently I was still going strong with these in March?? Wild!

We ran the second(?) Tiny Gents session this month. I am including Tiny Gents because it was such a big part of the year in total haha. April

I actually don’t like this piece very much, if I’m honest, but I made it and that should be worth something!! I had the song Eyes Don’t Lie going on loop for this, and I put it on my Rememdium playlist, which is probably my most played playlist of the year (If not, it’s TG). This song is going to come up again, but it definitely put me in A Rememdium brainspace.

I actually spent the month drawing more Tiny Gents stuff. Pictured above is one of the “Feral Group” PCs (featuring Charming reading a book). I did some more character design stuff this month, mostly sketching traditionally.

May

This piece is actually from a LIST of pieces that I did in a row for the Song Meme. This one just looks the nicest when cropped to me haha.

I also redrew a classic comic with the newer designs for the TG RA’s. I...got so much done this month haha.

June

Pride! Emilio and (then) Geon! This was actually NOT the highlight of the month, because this month I created Aine!!

She just POPPED into existence while I was listening to Eyes Don’t Lie and then she took over my brain for a while.

I also did more Tiny Gents art because I had brainrot all year.

July

ANTHONY TOKEN

So Anthony, my boy, came into existence a little before this month, but I didn’t draw him much or think about him much until AFTER I drew his token. Now I’m obsessed with the goober. I plan on redrawing this, I’m not as happy with it now.

I actually posted this one here recently, but I did this as a send off with the Feral Group for TG. They haven’t played since and I miss them ;v;

August

I did a lot of doodles? This month? It was a little slow. I created Hisscisca (the half orc) and Jamie (the pink goth). I actually did frames for an animatic done by @anatthema-art

Also created another character with the help of @churrobird

Got back into Triad shenanigans and made Dorkus a gf. I also did a set of outfits for Juniper! I’ll try to post these separately, this post is getting long.

BUSY MONTH.

September

More Tiny Gents. I did so much Tiny Gents. Not so much art but just doing Tiny Gents.

BUT I ALSO WENT INTO ANTHONY BRAINROT

I HAVE SO MUCH ANTHONY. I DID AN ANIMATIC FOR ANTHONY I WEEP. I SOB. I CRY.

October

I drew this one in a haste and for love of the game to do MOTI’s Songtober! It was a really fun piece to do, and I’m surprised I have not done more fanart for this game ohoho. Omori made a big impact on my art.

I also tried really hard to do a TG comic this month, and I did 3 pages. Hooray! I can’t find it in my files, but it sure is a thing I did.

I also did like...3 birthday pieces because I have so many OCs with October birthdays.

I actually also spent this month working on an even bigger project...

So Monkey’s Paw is not mentioned ANYWHERE in this summary, and that’s because I forgot I had to do a ton of art for it despite it consuming my being for several months. It is a surprise I got anything else done, really. I don’t even remember when I drew these-- technically they should be earlier. I’m glad the song and video are out haha. Also yes I put an Omori reference in the video.

November

This piece kind of changed how I approach my pieces in general? There was a lot of reference gathering and editing that went into it, even though it didn’t take long to actually draw. I just wanted to try something cool, and it seems to have succeeded. Really this month I did a bunch of cool art with Anthony, I’m also quite fond of the sword piece.

I have so many feelings about this image you don’t understand.

December

I actually don’t know if the person I did this for has a Tumblr, but it was a Secret Santa gift! I did other smaller pieces this month, a lot of them, actually, but I mostly just chilled out. December was very reflective for me personally, and I became so grateful for things that happened this year. This summary is very visual heavy and I apologize for that, but there’s so much art to share this time around and I wanted to do that! Conclusion

I spent this year working mostly on my own projects, which was very surreal. I’m very grateful for being able to do that, and would like to continue working on projects throughout 2023 as well!

#summary of art #summaryofart2022 #summary of art 2022 #art #long post #dingaling crossing

25 notes · View notes

searidings · 3 years ago

Note

hi hello it's the end of june which means!!! half of the year is already gone!!! i love your book recs and was wondering if you have a list of everything you've read so far this year??? and your favourites. i need to buy some books!!! thanks <3333

thank you so much for the reminder that this year is half over <3 yes i have been reading A Lot to quiet the brain demons so here are my very long list & recs!!

italic = gay/queer

bold = so good. SO good

italic and bold = so good AND so gay

JANUARY

middlesex - jeffrey eugenides

the mountains sing - nguyên phan qué mai

the vegetarian - han kang

the galaxy and the ground within - becky chambers

to be taught, if fortunate - becky chambers

when we were orphans - kazuo ishiguro

americanah - chimamanda ngozi adichie

h of h playbook - anne carson

klara and the sun - kazuo ishiguro

the space between worlds - micaiah johnson

FEBRUARY

normal people - sally rooney

circe - madeline miller

blood of elves - andrzej sapkowski

gideon the ninth - tamsyn muir

time of contempt - andrzej sapkowski

baptism of fire - andrzej sapkowski

MARCH

the tower of the swallow - andrzej sapkowski

lady of the lake - andrzej sapkowski

harrow the ninth - tamsyn muir

the last wish - andrzej sapkowski

we should all be feminists - chimamanda ngozi adichie

a memory called empire - arkady martine

burnt sugar - avni doshi

a psalm for the wild built - becky chambers

APRIL

the alchemist - paul coelho

sword of destiny - andrzej sapkowski

oranges are not the only fruit - jeanette winterson

the colour purple - alice walker

the midnight library - matt haig

where the crawdads sing - delia owens

10 minutes 38 seconds in this strange world - elif shafak

the discomfort of evening - marieke lucas rijneveld

crying in h mart - michelle zauner

my year of rest and relaxation - ottessa moshfegh

the shadow king - maaza mengiste

the virgin suicides - jeffrey eugenides

sapiens - yuval noah harari

MAY

the manningtree witches - a. k. blakemore

parable of the sower - octavia butler

hot milk - deborah levy

an unkindness of ghosts - rivers solomon

the water dancer - ta-nehisi coates

pure colour - sheila heti

this is how you lose the time war - amal el-mohtar & max gladstone

five little indians - michelle good

JUNE

indian horse - richard wagamese

ducks, newburyport - lucy ellmann

the vanishing half - brit bennett

medicine walk - richard wagamese

crier's war - nina varela

a quality of light - richard wagamese

after the quake - haruki murakami

death in her hands - ottessa moshfegh

the school for good mothers - jessamine chan

bluets - maggie nelson

of women and salt - gabriela garcia

lapvona - ottessa moshfegh

mcglue - ottessa moshfegh

songbirds - christy lefteri

to paradise - hanya yanagihara

sankofa - chibundu onuzo

#yes i DID read this is how you lose the time war again this year #and you know what? it still SLAPS #i'll never shut up about it. just as i'll never shut up about becky chambers or tamsyn muir for queer fiction #gideon & harrow new loves of my eternal life this year. i need the next book like i need air #also shoutout to huge rack winter for the rec of 'the space between worlds' which i LOVED #for non-gay recs the authors that can do no wrong in my eyes this year are ottessa moshfegh (holy SHIT); jeffrey eugenides; maggie nelson #those guys really Get It. and their use of language is just so incredibly delicious #reading their books is no longer enough i need to EAT THEM #hope u like my long list!! if u ever want to come chat to me about books i would love that #in this house we love to read so that we can't be thinking about anything else!!!#god bless books and the ability to escape from the world when it becomes too hellish #as always check content/warnings before reading!! some of these deal with some heavy stuff #but if you wanna chat about any of these hmu!! i love Books #hope you're having a great day & tysm for this lovely ask!!#asks #anonymous #book recs

64 notes · View notes

spicyvampire · 2 years ago

Text

2022 : a summary

Post your favorite or most popular edit from each month this year (it’s okay to skip months!)

Tagged by @talays-portkey Thanks for the Tag!

January

Most Popular : [x] the Yok liking Dan in a very normal way

Favorite : [x] Yok skills gifset really was the start of an era, loved that insane guy and he was funny af, first time I was starting to make huge gifsets with little captions on them I think? ; [x] Y’all remember the raccoon meme? Man, I forgot I made that for Bad and Crazy but it was fun, and different from anything I’ve ever made because I tried to make it look like posters and yeah I like that

February

Most Popular : [x] Yok defending Dan in front of Sean, tbf this came out during a heartbreacking episode people needed a laugh

Favorite : [x] y’all remember Sean vs Yok who is the fastest gay alive? these guys were insane, also this inspired Vegas vs Kinn later that same year ; [x] Yok + Greek words for love, the amount of love I have in my heart for that boy isn’t even half the one he has in his for like everyone, he is just SO full of love

March

Most Popular : [x] Yok edition of who is the fastest gay alive, that bad boy took so long to make ugh glad people liked it

Favorite : [x] my danyok goodbye gifset using stucky quote ajgdhashdfgsh the purple looks great on computer ; [x] Live slug MoD reaction, it was just fun to do something MoD again

April

Most Popular : [x] Porsche not connecting the dots on Kinn homosexual activity, I just learned how to animate a gif and boy did I want to have fun with that

Apparently I gifed like almost nothing in april, it was exam period afterall

May

Most Popular : [x] Vegas vs Kinn, trying to find neon looking fonts and neon looking overlays was a pain in the ass but it was worth it, I hope I do that type of gifset vibes again soon it was fun to make

Favorite : now it is very hard to chose my fave gifset there because it was the month I was doing Not Me Appreciation and I really like that I should probably try to do again but I really think those are my top 2 so here [x] Yok; [x] DanYok sunshine & Rain

June

Most Popular : [x] Pete’s BDSM duality, which is very surprising cuz I thought it was gonna be the [x] Family Braincells gifset seeing that people even requested that for the bodyguards afterwards but oh well

Favorite : [x] Vegas Hidding out Magazine which weirdly is one of my less popular KP gifset but I love it so much “pathetic is the new chic” like come on I literally peaked there, if I ever make shirts out of the one liners this one is gonna be the first one at for sure; [x] TanBunn relationship developements finally went back to my MoD roots for pride month MaxTul if you reading this pls come back 😔

July

Most Popular : [x] Porsche fear of ghosts, we love a little scared cat

Favorite : [x] KP goodbye gifset, truly the end of an era, I’m forever changed

August

Most Popular : [x] Shadowhunters edits that reminds me I have not gifed SH in months

Again I did nothing really that month

September

Most Popular : surprisingly the most popular gifset isn’t a KP one, it’s [x] akkayan hoodie, 2nd is [x] PorschePete bitches stage tho so eh

Favorite : so end of september & start of october was kpweek and boy did I come there ready cuz I spend the entire month before doing like nothing and I had all these pent up ideas, I have so many favorites really I had fun with KPweek [x] Kinn [x] Pete [x] KinnPorsche

October

Most Popular : [x] Main and Minor family (minus the parents), that was one long boi wasn’t it

Favorite : [x] Ayan + Debbie’s monologue what can I say I just love the addams family and I rewatch the movies almost every year so I know a lot of these lines by heart; [x] KP Halloween cuz I forgot to put the side story in my Porsche fear of ghost gifset so Halloween gave me a reason to dedicate a gifset to it

November

Most Popular : [x] Cherry Magic, god the way I ran when it dropped on youtube oof

Favorite : [x] MoD 2 years anniversary gifset, cannot believe it’s been 2 years MaxTul WHERE are you 😭😔💔

December

Most Popular : [x] SamMon right in front of everyone salad

Favorite : December is exam month and this time I really tried to gif almost nothing till like the very end but shoot out to [x] Bodyguards braincells gifset

I think I did one of for 2021 too and it was fun going back through the stuff I did, a bunch of these I literally forgot I made last year so that’s why I wrote so much for a lot of them

Tagging (if you want to no pressure & also idk who has done this already sorry) : @luna-lina @winteams @kinnsporsche @thelaziestmotherfucker @fangrui @guzhu-furen @laowen @sunsetandthemoon @pavel-chekovs @liyazaki

#gifmaker tag #I ACCIDENTALLY DELETE THIS POST WTF #thank god i did reblog it on my sideblog before the incident so i just had to copy paste god

14 notes · View notes

westfall-castle · 3 years ago

Note

heyyyy, do you know when is Chaol’s bday and zodiac sign? I can’t find it anywhere

Hi! Actually I don’t know an exact date but I took the liberty of calculating an aprox. (Spoilers ahead, jump to the end to avoid them)

I took 3 dates into consideration: Yulemas, the day of the Duel with Cain and Aelin’s birthday

The Yulemas ball was on December 25, then, the duel was set to happen “a week after Yulemas” so it was Jan 1st. After that a week passed with Celaena’s recovery. Then we start on Crown of Midnight knowing that Celaena has been away on missions for around 3-4 weeks. That would make it the first days of February. Then 2 weeks pass (while Celaena has been planning Chaol’s dinner party)

If going backwards, Aelin’s birthday is on May the 3rd. Heir of Fire describes that she has been for 5 weeks with Rowan (May 3rd- 4 weeks = April 3rd - 1 week = March 27th) . In the beginning of the book it is mentioned that Aelin spent 2 weeks at sea to reach Wendlyn and 10 days to reach Varesse (March 27th -24 days= March 3rd)

SPOILERS AHEAD

Celaena spent 5 days “formally” dating Chaol, and around 1 or two weeks passed when all the events of the second half of Crown of Midnight unfolded ( I know! It felt like 2 months for me when I first read it but now going through it again I discovered it was just a lot going on but a short period of time)

In Queen of Shadows and Tower of Dawn, it is mentioned briefly that Chaol’s Birthday happened in “late winter” which means it happened before March 20th (the beginning of spring) Then again, when Celaena was parting to Wendlyn it is described that “there was a hint of spring in the air” meaning that the date we calculated before, March 3rd, could be an adequate guess.

In conclusion (according to my own calculations, nothing canon) Chaol’s birthday must have been somewhere between Feb 10th - Feb 15th. (All of us Chaol fans should decide for a date or make a birthday week for him lmao)

Given this, his zodiac sign would be Aquarius. Which in my opinion, really suits his personality as aquarians are said to be independent, loyal, idealistic, stubborn, rational and observant.

It also confirms that the dates match because there’s no way in hell that Chaol Westfall is a Pisces lmao 🤣.

Thanks for your question, send you a hug ❤️

#chaol westfall #chaol westfall daily #tog #throne of glass #tog series #crown of midnight #heir of fire #sjm books #aelin ashryver galathynius #chaol’s birthday #sjmass #chaol facts #chaolaena #chaol x celaena

55 notes · View notes

cultivating-wildflowers · 2 years ago

Text

Books of 2023 - April

Another slow month thanks to a mental block and a whole slew of other projects to work on. Then my nonfic for the month was incredibly dark and depressing, which didn't help the mood.

Total books: 3 | New reads: 3 | 2023 TBR completed: 3 (1 DNF) / 10/25 total | 2023 Reading Goal: 32/50

March | May

#1 - Pax by Sara Pennypacker - 3/5 stars (audio)

This book came highly recommended to me from a student about a year ago. It's been sitting in my Audible account for much longer than that (I think I got it during a sale) and when I needed something to listen to at night, I decided to fire it up.

It wins points for consistently lulling me to sleep. Unfortunately the pacing is such that, as I was drifting in and out of consciousness, I'd hear bits and pieces that were very odd out of context.

A solid story, but not in any way remarkable to me. I was pretty bored by the end of it.

#2 - A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier by Ishmael Beah - 4/5 stars ('23 TBR, audio)

This book has sat on my shelf for several years while I worked up the gumption to get to it. I honestly couldn't tell you where it came from or why I chose to read it. Then I stumbled across the audio on Hoopla. Audio makes some things easier. Not this book, especially given it was read by the author.

A heavy book, vividly told. This one comes with lots of content warnings, which should be pretty obvious. I had to sandwich this between lighter, happier fiction for my own sake.

A lot like Infidel, if you want a heavy and often depressing biography. (This isn't anything against either book, but they are both rightly depressing, so take that as your warning.)

#3 - Malfunction by J.E. Purrazzi - 4/5 stars ('23 TBR, audio)

The biggest issue I had with this book is not one that affects the rating: the narrator was not good. Awful inflections, stilted dialogue rendering, no emotion, weird pacing for the action sequences. Not a good time.

As for the story itself, I was kind of struggling to follow it? At least in the first half or so, the characters seemed to jump from one situation to another without much motivation apart from the nebulous “don’t die”. Things came together more in the second half, once they received some information that started informing their decisions, but it very much felt like the story happened to them. I don’t think I’d strictly label it a pacing issue, and the writing style itself wasn’t a hindrance, so I got along ok despite occasional confusion over the new situation the characters found themselves in (and there was a new situation every few chapters).

The highlight had to be the main cast itself. The villains and side characters were vague, but Menrva, Cowl, and Bas really shined (setting aside whatever made the author go with those names and especially that spelling of “Minerva”). Bonus points for full-grown adult protagonists with fleshed-out backstories, complex relationships and motivations, and solid narrations that didn’t make me favor one POV over the others.

DNF

The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard - The concept was beyond intriguing, and the opening images reminded me of The Goblin Emperor for some reason, but the writing failed to grab me. The voice itself was bland, but also...vague? Not immersive, I guess. It feels unfair to give up so soon on such a large book but there we are.

The Empty Grave by Jonathan Stroud - I had this book for over a month and didn't even get a quarter of the way through it. My brain refused to focus. Since I was out of renewals at the library, I returned it to try again later.

At Home in Mitford by Jan Karon - Technically I picked up this book in like February, got five pages in, and never came back to it. I had every intention of making an effort but.... Yeah, I'll have to make an effort some other time. Right now I'm just tired of it staring at me.

#2023 reading list #mine #Pax #Sarah Pennypacker #A Long Way Gone #Ishmael Beah #Malfunction #J.E. Purrazzi

2 notes · View notes

t-lane-writes · 1 year ago

Text

2024

What do I expect of this year? What do I want to write?

For starters, I decided to give up on two WIPs that I will likely not write, at least not soon. The Ribbon was supposed to be a companion piece to Ananke (both could be around 40k stories, so together they'd make the length of a whole novel), but since Ananke has been shortened, The Ribbon is not necessary. And on its own it doesn't have enough pull for me to finish it.

Untitled Sentira project is... well, the name itself is enough to tell you my feelings about it. I still think the worldbuilding for this story, or rather the one that existed before, is spectacular. I'm not giving up on the Sentira world, but maybe I'll do something completely different with it? The novel idea, the characters I tried to design for it, the plot -- they just didn't really click, so. This particular story will not happen, at least not in the form of a novel.

Hmm... I should update my pinned post... Later.

Now, what will I write?

I'm changing the ending of Ananke. The second half, ten chapters, require a lot of changes and I want to do it, like, now. First half of January, then mabe final re-read right away, or maybe some pro editor? IDEK. Or a re-read in February. And then I want to send it to three sci-fi magazines and see if they bite.

I started to edit The Specters, but now that I'm back at work I don't think I'll be able to work on two things simultanously, so I'm putting it on the backburner until I'm done with Ananke, and then I'll probably continue second draft until the end of February.

I've been having feels about Crystal Spring Valley lately -- it means I miss Priya and Tenney and the gang. I might take March and April to look at this story and maybe get through that Turning Point finally. I don't hope to finish it, but, as usual, make as much progress as I can.

May could be a good moment to work on the spreadsheet and maybe even pre-draft of The Duke and the B Brothers -- so that I could tackle the first draft during NaNoWriMo. Ha! Yes.

Then I should return to Black Wings and its second draft for June and July (or perhaps even longer), and that would more-or-less conclude my current WIPs.

August, September and October would remain "to be decided". I also have Mars Idea in very early stages of development, so I might give it a month here or there. And then do some more work on either on the most advanced WIPs, meaning Crystal Spring, Specters or Black Wings.

November would be the first draft of The Duke, of course, and then December... Maybe rest after NaNo, lol, or finish The Duke, because 50k will likely not be enough.

So that's that. That's the plan. :)

#tes talks about writing #year in preview #inventory of stories #crystal spring valley #the specters #black wings #ananke #duke and the b brothers #the mars idea

7 notes · View notes

stephjacq · 2 years ago

Text

A Year in the Front Garden

March 2022

We finally got started on the front garden. That's my office window, so I stare at this space A LOT. I'm on a neverending quest to create a sensory haven at home, searching for a specific vibe that I struggle to articulate but have very strong feelings about.

I was determined to make myself a space to enjoy in time for my summer sabbatical/birthday. I drew a bunch of ideas but I couldn't quite get it to crystallise enough to get from brain to page. I decided half an idea was enough because it comes together easier in the space, and we got to work marking out the beds with stakes.

April

April was off to a rough start and spring pretty much continued along that chilly trend. The snow did melt at least, so we could get going wtih the local bluestone and some soil.

May

First the bones. We started with a few trees, divided and transplanted a bunch of grasses from the back, and planted out some shrubs we'd had in containers. The stump we saved from the thuja plicata we had to take out from around the side of the house, and the gravel we moved from the other side, where the previous owners used it very liberally.

June

Next up, a variety of pollinator-friendly, drought-resistant perennials. The cold, dreary spring really dragged on.

July

Things started to bloom in early summer. We grew a lot of annuals from seed, including the red snapdragons you can see dotted around.

August

An ethereal collection of blooms on spikes that seem to float in space - gomphrena and scabiosa, grown from seed.

The bright-green bushy thing on the right there is a monarda which was grown from seed and has really taken to the spot. The flowers should be great this year!

September

The grasses really took things to another level. It all filled in more than I could have hoped for, and really started to take on a vibe by the time we got here to the autumn equinox.

October

The thinking view from my office has significantly improved.

November

The bloom builds like a symphony throughout the year and this is the big crescendo. Timpani, symbols, brass, throw a chorus in there, here it is.

December

Bit of snow.

January 2023

I've read a lot about gardening these past few years, and achieving 'winter interest' always seemed out of my reach. The January garden is a shadow of its November self, but it's so much more interesting than it was in March that not a day goes by I don't stop and stare at it.

February

The snow's back, but the bones are there and I'm starting to get excited for the season.

#garden #garden magic

2 notes · View notes

accio-victuuri · 4 years ago

Text

2019 BJYX Timeline : Golden Hour Part I

You make me think of empty spaces begging to be filled. Of spacious streets, waiting be marred by tire tracks. The void ——The endless wait for something to happen.

Hello. We are now into 2019. This part is definitely more mellow than what happens in the second half of the timeline. Hence, finishing it faster than I thought I would. _へ__(‾◡◝ )>

JANUARY 2019

01012019 : Web is welcomed to Yamaha Team as a Racer.

Web’s Post : happy New Year to all! !! !! !! !! The racing career has begun! !! !! !! Please call me driver Wang Yibo! !! !! !! ～～～～～

Yamaha Team’s Post: Welcome @ UNIQ- 王一博 Formally join the 万里达 Yamaha team Super Words Become a MLT YAMAHA contract driver, start his career, in the future Wang Yi Bo Super words will drive Yamaha YZF-R3 cars, representing the team for the 2019 season. Come on! TRACER-85!

01082019 : GG for Grazia

01022019: Web CF making

01082020 : Lin Hai (composer of Wuji) posted on Weibo a picture of peppa pig dolls version of LWJ and WWX saying - Xian Xian Pig and Ji Ji Pig caught the cold one after the other because they were surreptitiously kissing. CPN is that fans of Web noticed he was sick early in January and on his weibo post below, GG admitted to having the flu as well.

01052019: On set of Gank Your Heart

01142019: Web CF with Skittles

01132019 : GG posts first selfie of the year ; He explains that he has a flu.

01172019: FIRE audio single released

Now you're mine, you and I, We should be heading away See the fire in my eyes The feels making me crazed And girl you got me so deep Let's write a story You should get to know me

01182019 :Web posts as selfie

Selfie for you

01182019: GG posts a selfie too

01242019: Web x Shu Uemura CF

01262019 : Web x Home Facial Pro CF

01292019: Web interview with Hunan TV Spring Festival

This is where he said he really cannot say if he is in a relationship to the media. Oh the savagery!

FEBRUARY 2019

022019: GG shooting Olay short AD - Two sides of GG!

02032019: Web preparing for Chinese New Year

02032019 : GG posts a selfie and picture with jiangou

02052019: GG posts a message to his fans “Everything in 2018 felt like a dream to me, in the dream I gave it everything I had! There were a lot of new faces, exciting things and constant obstacles that I crossed in the dream! And you guys who are right next to me!”

02082019: Wang Yibo x Elle

02112019: Web x Shu Uemura CF

02122019 : GG selfie!

02132019: Web x Elle and Chanel coco crush rings

02142018: How to make a Pineapple boat

02142019: Web weibo post on valentines day, showing off his moto.

Forcibly spend Valentine's Day with me love beans! ❤️ you have a happy holiday Oh ~ ~ ~

02172019: GG selfie!

02212019: Web x new one studio

02242019: Web x Home Facial Pro

MARCH 2019

03012019: Web - How to ride a motorcycle

03052019 : GG selfie with the love of his life = junkfood.

03092019: GG pouty selfie again

03112019: Web - How I prepare for a game

03112019 - GG X BElla E-magazine

03122019 : GG X Fashionable Photoshoot

03132019: Web releases a new single - LUCKY

If you're lucky We can lay up in the bed If you're lucky We can just go ditch the rest If you're lucky I can take you down If you're lucky you can wear the crown If you're lucky We can lay up in the bed

03152019: GG message to fans “I’m so fortunate to be an actor, I can have different experiences in my limited lifespan, each eliciting emotions of joy, anger, sadness, and happiness within me at all times.”

03222019: Web x VogueMe

03222019 : Web posts on Weibo as he visits Rome

03282019: They recorded Wuji together. 13!!!

There is a whole CPN story with this recording. Aside from the fact that they look so happy recording it and the forever-question of “did they hold hands?” ; there is still more. Web was coming from Rome and rumor is he had to cancel and re schedule work to be with GG physically in the recording. Also, GG was photographed in the airport before this and fans were saying he looked really good.

03292019: Web x YOUNGCHIC photoshoot in Tokyo

03302019 : Web message to Olay

03312019: Web x Olay CF

032019: GG posted this art, for his fans as his activities keep on getting cancelled.

APRIL 2019

042019: GG shoot for Cosmo

04052019: Web x Bape and Formula 1

04052019: Web x FHM

04152019: Web x Shu Uemura

04152019 : GG selfie

04192019: Web attends VogueMe cool people event

04222019: Web x bazaar men

04252019: Web x Shu Uemura CF

04262019 : Web attends 10th China directors guild awards

MAY 2019

05012019: GG posts a message to fans “Don’t ruin your present, over a past filled with regret, and a future with only uncertainty! Please live in each present day, brightly! You deserve to live like this!”

05052019: Web interview in Chanel exhibition

05022019 : Web posted himself racing / practice

Today ’s results are quite happy ~ The photos are fine! (Xiang Xianghui will take photos from the curve!)

05032019 : Web participates in the GPGP race but was unable to do the final race due to technical issues with his motorcycle. He had to push his moto to the end and very heartbreaking.

Web posted on Weibo : Translation here

05052019 : Web posts on Weibo

See you at the next stop! 🔥🔥🔥 @ Wan里达雅马哈team

05062019: Web x Chanel CF

05072019: Web celebrity reading

05072019: Web x Shu Uemura event

05082019: Web x Wei Quan Yogurt

05092019: Web x Ellemen fresh

05092019: GG selfie

05202019: Chinese valentines Day GG post where his fingers form 5/2/0. His top is similar to one Web owns.

05212019: GG X tencent VIP commercial

youtube

05222019: GG instagram post

“Don’t look back. Forever! ”

05242019: Web x Ok interview

05252019: Web x Shu Uemura x Maison Kitsune CF

05292019: Web x Size magazine

05252019: Web x Laneige CF

05262019 : Release of that TTXS episode where Web was in a blind date but he is just too savage. After drinking and talking a little, he says “Can I go now?”

05312019: Release of single for drama Gank Your Heart

052019 : At this time , GG was already taking some legal actions against Wajijiwa. There is a more comprehensive explanation of this drama here.

JUNE 2019

Important BJYX events in this month was already discussed here.

06012019 : GG posts for Children’s day

06012019 - GG X Olay

youtube

*** Note 01: I hope I can keep up with this momentum. I am trying to include stuff that are more important to the CPN side of things. But I’m DOING MY BEST (ง •̀_•́)ง to add everything I could. Everything, meaning their weibo posts /selfies / some quirky things that happened. These two boys are very lovely so I really want to highlight them individually too.

*** Note 02 : The second half of this timeline is very intimidating to even begin but there are a lot of resources-- so hopefully, Part 2 will be out sooner than later. ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

#yizhan #bjyx #bjyx timeline

203 notes · View notes

liberty-barnes · 5 years ago

Text

Letters To A Stranger

Peter Parker x Female!Reader

Summary: The story of a girl who loved a boy, but couldn't talk, so she wrote.

Warnings: fluff for a bit, but then massive angst, and i mean massive, STOP READING HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT ANY SPOILERS BUT I WOULDN'T FEEL OKAY WITHOUT LISTING ALL THE ANGST FACTORS

(mentions of ED, mentions of self-harm, implied character death, mentions of social anxiety)

Word Count: 1.3k words

Estimated Reading Time: 5 minutes

A/N: did you miss me?

Masterlist

February 21st, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway,

Are you new? Or was I simply too oblivious to your presence until now? I've never seen you before, you're really pretty.

I don't think I've ever used the word "pretty" to describe a man before. Well, boy, but my point stands.

But you really are. With your caramel eyes, and artistically tousled hair. You're cute. Kind of like a puppy. Not that I'm attracted to dogs, of course, but there's really no better way to describe you. Your face lights up when you talk on the phone, like an excited golden retriever who'd just been told he was going for a walk. I wonder who you're talking to. Is it your partner? Please, say you're single.

You get off after me apparently, so I guess I'll just keep my pining to my letters and hope to see you again tomorrow.

Kinda wishing I was yours,

Your secret admirer.

February 22nd, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway,

You're back! Is this a simple coincidence or are you a regular?

From the backpack on your shoulder, I'd say maybe you're a student. I don't go to school. You make me wish I did if only to see your face every day for more than the short ten minutes of our joint ride.

I wonder how old you are. You look old enough to be in high school, but which year are you? I know I'm only nineteen, but I'd feel a little bummed about crushing on a fourteen-year-old.

You're smiling again today. I'm glad. I don't see a lot of smiles at the diner. Mostly glares, impatient huffs, and tired, distant expressions. It's a nice change.

I have to go now but thank you for making my day.

Hoping to see you again tomorrow,

Your secret admirer.

February 23rd, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway,

I'm starting to think that smile is permanent. It's the third day in a row that I've gotten on the train and was immediately greeted with your beaming smile as you watched some video on your phone. It made me smile too.

Your sweatshirt's pretty. It says "Midtown Tech" on it. Is that a school? Is it your school?

I may have to do some digging later.

Please don't think I'm a stalker.

Your totally not-stalker secret admirer.

March 1st, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway,

I was late this morning so I didn't get to see you. My boss was not happy about it, I felt like I was walking on very thin ice.

And then this guy grabbed my ass while I was taking his order. I acted on instinct, tried to remember everything they taught me at my self-defense class. I ended up accidentally punching him in the face.

So yeah, I lost my job today. Which is why I'm here so early. I might stay on the subway just to see which stop you get off on.

Yeah, maybe not, that'd be weird and I should start job hunting as soon as possible.

Thank you for making me smile on a bad day.

Thank you for being you,

Your secret admirer.

March 17th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway,

I got a new job! I'm working at this coffee shop/bookstore and it's honestly the greatest thing in the world. I get to be around books AND get free hot chocolate, how much better can life be?

You looked a little down today, I wonder if you're okay? Is everything well at home? Maybe school's the problem? Maybe you got a bad grade, but you look really smart so I don't know.

I hope you're feeling better tomorrow,

Your secret admirer.

March 19th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway,

I wish I knew your name, that way I'd know who to address this to. But I guess Cute Boy On The Subway will have to do.

You were smiling again today, that's nice. I haven't seen you smile in a while, I was starting to get worried. The sweater you were wearing looked a little too big to be yours, the collar slipped down a little when you moved. It looks like there's a massive bruise on your upper chest. Does it hurt? Are you okay?

I wish I was brave enough to ask you in person.

Get better soon,

Your secret admirer.

March 25th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway,

You're back to not smiling today. I don't like to see you frown. Not at all. I want you to tell me what's wrong. I want to help you get better, see you smile again.

I want to talk to you.

I'll do it tomorrow,

Your secret admirer.

March 26th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway,

You were sad again today. But that's okay, cause I said I'd talk to you.

Except I didn't.

My stomach started doing uncomfortable flips and I had to get off the train earlier than usual so I could throw up. It was not fun.

Maybe I just have the flu?

Hopefully, I'll be better tomorrow,

Your secret admirer.

March 30th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway,

I've tried talking to you for three days, every time I had to get off and empty my stomach's content. I started to see a pattern so after a half week of that vicious cycle, I went to see my doctor.

Turns out I have social anxiety tendencies and you simply trigger them a bit. So, basically, my body won't let me talk to you.

I'm a little sad but also kind of relieved. At least I know I'm not voluntarily letting you slip through my fingers.

Not that I ever plan on doing that, you've become too important.

I hope you smile tomorrow,

Your secret admirer.

April 7th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway,

I'm worried about you. Your sleeve rose a little when you held onto the pole. There are scars there, familiar ones, ones that I recognize as scars left by one's own hand. Physical marks of a person's suffering.

Why are you doing that? It hurts to know that you feel down enough to resort to that. I want to help, but I can't bring myself to talk to you.

Please stop this,

Your secret admirer.

April 12th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway,

Your eyes were red today. You've been crying. There are dark circles under your eyes, how long has it been since you've last slept?

A lady asked you if you were alright. You said you were just a little tired. I've never heard a more obvious lie.

I wish I could talk to you,

Your secret admirer.

April 16th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway,

The dark circles haven't gone away, if anything they've gotten darker. But now there's a bruise on your cheek. You seem to be getting thinner too.

What's going on?

Your secret admirer.

April 28th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway,

How much weight have you lost? Your cheekbones are more prominent, and your arms are getting thinner by the second. Why don't you eat?

The bruises are more frequent now. Cheek, eyebrow, lip...

Who's hitting you?

Who's making you suffer?

Your secret admirer.

May 6th, 2024

Dear Cute Boy On The Subway,

I haven't seen you in a few days. I wonder where you are.

Are you okay?

I'm sorry, that's a stupid question, you probably aren't.

I've decided that next time I see you I'm gonna talk to you. Ask you what's wrong. Force you to tell me if that's what it takes.

I hope you're safe.

Your secret admirer.

May 27th, 2024

Dear Peter Parker,

I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to talk to you when I had the chance.

I hope you're in a better place now.

I'm sorry you were alone when you did it.

I'm sorry you had to do it.

With love,

(Y/n).

yes, i'm one of those authors that post something an then disappears for two months, i'm sorry. i've been super busy with school and i haven't really had the motivation to write lately but i got this idea and i just needed to get it out.

also, i may be getting a new computer in like 1 or 2 weeks, so that's cool! it'll be better to write and stuff cause this one's getting kinda slow and sometimes it's hard to post stuff cause it won't load lmao.

anyway, i hope you liked it and if you did don’t forget to reblog/comment/like

love you all!

-Miah

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Taglists: (if your name is striked through it means for some reason tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you)

PERMA TAG

@jeezkiddo @officiallyunofficialperson @beananacake @theunderlier @harrysleftchelseaboot @averyfosterthoughts @onebigolemess @samoney69 @agirlwithpointlessideas @ddaawwssoonn @inhumanwithpowers @imagineshere-forall @stiles-banshees @orowit @spideynut @deathofmissjackson @parkersbliss @ephemeral-limerences @write-from-the-heart @cardboard-ben @my-alignment-is-bisexual @mendes-marvel @timotayswriter @inthecornerchair @lovelynerdytraveler @niallssweetheart22 @incorrect-things @lost-in-the-stars03 @harishaanne @ellamw04 @bisexual-disappointment @onelovesr @ellyseveronica @sovereignparker @notsosmexy @theamazingtomholland @lozzypoz321 @peterspideyy

PETER PARKER TAG

@dreaming-lia @markleehee @juliebean247 @quechulitaaa @bubblegumbarnes @sofiaconlaz @bellaaa321-blog @parkerpetertingle @emily-louise-hynes @clara-licht @ekelly2015 @inlovewithmobtom @quaksonhehe @danicarosaline @tutuabby28 @sovereignparker @spn67-sister @t-monosapiens-h @kayleypaige2233 @galaxystern08 @highlydisfunctional1 @jillanaholland @zeusmyster @sirtommyholland @a-singleboat @allthisfortommy @middevil456 @kdotcxz @drishtisikarwar

MARVEL TAG

@dreaming-lia @emily-louise-hynes @arts-ismything @peachyafshawn @cathwritestragediesnotsins @spn67-sister @t-monosapiens-h @galaxystern08 @highlydisfunctional1 @jillanaholland @hyluas @ravenagrimes @captainbuckyy @kaylig02 @crazyassbitch-things-blog @sharenaloveyouX @tacobacoyeet @andycanbeemotional @angelicromanoff

#libby writes #libbys stuff #peter parker x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker fluff #peter parker angst #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #marvel #avengers #spiderman x reader #mcu spiderman #spider-man #mcu

215 notes · View notes

yuta-nakamots · 5 years ago

Text

Candle Light - l.hc ; Part 2 of 2 (End)

Pairing - College!Haechan x Ghost!Reader

Genre - Fluff but mostly angst at the end

Warnings - Character death, supernatural activity (you are literally a ghost)

Summary - As the resident ghost that haunts your old apartment, you take pride in scaring away those who dare move in, not wanting them to ruin your memories. Though your mission changes after a group of boys arrive. These are the four boys you allow into your space and your heart. One of them is the candle that supports you, and you are the fire that burns atop it, his beacon of light.

Word Count - 6.2k

A/N - as always, credit goes to @soleilhyuck for coming up with the idea for this fic. thank you for patiently waiting and giving lots of love to this series and please look forward to frat boy!yuta next month as well <3

Tag List - @sunflowerhae @eunsangelical @soleilhyuck @neoyoungho @carefreebubble @sly-merlin @jisungismymom @jimelonji @lyraaacle @peachy-yabbay @yomanitsgonnabehee

January 2020

News about the new virus was quickly spreading, as was the disease itself, unironically. You sat next to Renjun as he watched the news on TV and played a game on his phone while Jeno was lying on the floor in front of the coffee table as he typed out an essay on his laptop.

You watched as the newscaster stood in front of a graph showing the number of cases spiking up as he said “all local colleges will be migrating to an online schooling system for the second half of this year” to which Jeno let out a loud groan at.

“How the fuck am I supposed to do all my labs then?” he muttered under his breath, angrily hitting the carpeted floor. You laughed at his childish action, Jeno’s head whipping around as he looked in your general direction with his pupils shaking as he tried to find a face to match the voice he had just heard.

“Hey y/n, I think Jeno can hear you,” Renjun said nonchalantly as he continued watching the news station on TV, “okay, Jeno wait I think you should pay attention to the screen.”

He informed the other boy just in time as the anchor said “certain schools have disclosed that some students may still be required to return to campus for activities such as labs or other assessment events.”

Jeno rolled onto his back, letting out another groan that was almost actually a growl. “I don’t know which is worse. Having to go to school during a pandemic, or having to learn from my computer 24/7.”

February 2020

As more plans for the second semester were announced, Jeno did end up having to still visit the campus for his labs so he was occasionally out along with Jaemin who was volunteering at a hospital nearby, the same one your body was taken to after the incident, not that you’d ever tell them that though.

Jaemin had convinced Renjun to come along saying “we need extra help and it’s not like you’re doing anything anyways now that class is online” as he quite literally dragged Renjun out the front door.

This left you with Haechan, who was only able to see you in certain instances because he was still not totally sure if you really existed or not. He still used the scented candles in his room, much to your distaste, since you found yourself having to put out the flame nearly every night due to his forgetfulness.

He’d spend almost every waking moment on his computer playing Overwatch and whatever other games he was into, only stopping when we had to attend his mandatory online lectures. Even then, he’d still have the game up on his screen, barely even caring about the lecture.

Eventually, this irritated you enough, having been quite a good student yourself, to the point where you just lost it when you saw him pull up his school account and you peered over his shoulder and realizing how bad his grades really were.

“You shouldn’t do that, you know.” You spoke to him, hovering behind him as you read through the contents of his student profile.

Haechan froze for a second, surprised by your voice though he didn’t make an effort to turn around. “Well, you shouldn’t just scare people like that.” He retorted at you.

“Then don’t take your college life for granted,” you remark, not missing the high amount of absences he had even though all his courses were online, “I would’ve loved to have completed mine, but that just didn’t seem to be in my life plan now, was it?” You asked rhetorically, your voice laced with sarcasm to match his.

“What are you gonna do about it, huh?” He spat out at you. “You can’t force me to study.”

You rolled your eyes at him even if he couldn’t see you as you scoffed, “yes I can.” Quite literally, you moved through his desk and unplugged his computer from its power socket. A satisfactory grin fell upon your face as you heard his monitor die out and you look at him. His mouth was slightly agape as he finally saw you up close, your previously translucent figure becoming clearer and clearer to him with every second that passed.

From then on, Haechan consciously made an effort to cut back on his gaming and dedicate more time to his schoolwork, as he hated not knowing when you’d decide to pop into his room again and he didn’t want to risk more damage to his precious computer.

Sometimes he’d spend so much time studying that he’d even fall asleep at his desk, to which you could only sigh at as you fanned out the flames of his stupid scented candles that he continued to use before grabbing his blanket from his bed and placing it atop his shoulders.

March 2020

You found that you actually quite enjoyed spending time with Haechan as he was more entertaining and witty than Renjun. Though on a particularly slow afternoon, you watched Haechan as he went about making a sandwich in the kitchen, making yourself known to him by a light tug on his shirt before he asked “so why exactly do you haunt this apartment?”

You were leaning against the kitchen island behind him, not even having bothered to materialize in your semi-human form since you let him pick and choose when he wanted to see you or not. “If I’m being honest, I really don’t know. All I’m sure about is that this unit is my unit. It always has been and it always will be.”

“Well, what are your ties to this place? What does it mean to you?” He pressed on as he grabbed a slice of bologna from the refrigerator.

After pausing for a second as you recall your past, you told him “this is where I grew up, my parents moved here when I started elementary school and I’ve lived here for almost twenty years until I died and ever since then, I’ve just been here.”

“I’m sorry,” he interjected, looking at you and making eye contact to let you know he was being sincere, “I really am. You had so much to live for, your whole life ahead of you.” He shook his head in pity as he unwrapped a piece of cheese.

“Things don’t always go according to your plan, as you can see,” you stated before continuing on with your story, “anyways, my family moved out shortly after my incident because my sister would always cry whenever she had to pass the spot I was last alive at and eventually my parents couldn’t take it anymore so they just up and left.”

Haechan was unscrewing the lid of the jar of mayonnaise when he asked “why didn’t you stop them? Or did you try but they just weren’t able to see you?”

“They couldn’t see or hear me. I tried calling out to them, telling them I was still here, I was still alive, but nothing worked...and so they left me behind.” Your voice trailing off at the end as you felt a familiar pain in your chest at the memory of your family.

Haechan hummed in acknowledgment, spreading pieces of lettuce over the top of his sandwich, going silent before speaking again. “I think you need closure. Do you know where your family went to? I’m pretty sure we could--”

“No, I’d rather not talk to them.” You interrupted, not wanting to witness your family in pain again after having to watch them mourn your death in this very apartment. To them, you were a thing of the past and you wished to stay that way.

“You can’t just be cursed to wander around this unit for the rest of your life, or lack thereof. That’s a bit…” he paused as he wracked his brain for a word, turning up blank, “sad, for lack of a better word.”

You watched as he placed a slice of bread on top and pressed it down before biting into his creation. “It’s not like it was my choice in the first place, you know,” you strongly articulated, “if you really wanted to help me then you’d leave this place and let me wander in peace now that you know my story.”

“We both know damn well that you’re not gonna be happy if we leave you on your own.” And the most surprising part of his statement was that he was right.

April 2020

After your previous conversation with Haechan, the two of you started avoiding each other and you ended up spending more time with Jeno when he eventually came around to being able to see you. He was more of an easygoing presence and he didn’t mind it when you stayed in his room, he just asked that you “don’t mess with my stuff like when you stacked all my books up and turned my clothes inside out” the memory of it still makes you laugh to yourself.

You felt bad for Jeno, seeing him come home already exhausted from his labs and lectures, letting out a loud sigh whenever he entered through the front door as he was finally able to take off his face mask and allow himself to take a deep breath of air.

You’d often find him dozing off at his desk, his face resting either on his arm or on whatever page he had been going over. Sometimes, if you knew the assignment was important or if the deadline was near, you’d try to keep him awake by doing this like clicking his book or dropping a book on the floor. But if he was really knocked out, all you could do was just plug in his electronics to let them charge before bookmarking his page and clearing his desk for him.

On the night of his 20th birthday, the boys decided to have their own mini-party, which you excused yourself from. You didn’t want to get in the way of their celebration since you didn’t know for sure where you stood with Haechan and that’s on top of the fact that Jaemin still didn’t believe in your existence.

You stayed in Jeno’s room, softly plucking at the strings of his guitar which he had kindly left out for you. He had previously voiced his worries about you getting bored from always staying in the unit, which you found quite cute of him.

He came back to his room around midnight and you watched as he drunkenly made his way to the bathroom, stumbling in and nearly tripping over his own feet. You heard him throwing up into the toilet but you stayed put, knowing that you wouldn’t be of much help anyway. You recognized the sound of Haechan’s voice as he entered from his own side and tried to clean Jeno up.

Moments later, Haechan came into the room carrying a near unconscious Jeno to the bed you were currently sitting on. All Haechan had to do was merely glance at you before you were already materializing in human form to put Jeno’s guitar back on its stand and help Haechan get the birthday boy into bed.

Once Jeno was tucked in and snoring, you looked up at Haechan and he nodded his head in the direction of his room, inviting you to come over with him, which you did without much hesitation. You sat on the edge of his bed as he started up his computer as he asked you “don’t you ever get tired of just staying in the apartment all the time?”

You watched as he typed in his login information as you responded, “kind of, I guess. It’s all I know so it’s not like I really have anywhere else to go.”

“Have you ever tried leaving the building, or this unit at all?” He inquired while pulling up a page on google.

You thought for a moment before answering him. “No, I’ve never really wanted to leave because I’m comfortable here.”

Haechan simply nodded and stated “fair enough” as he switched tabs before turning to you. “I found this article the other day and I think this is relevant to you.” He informed, beckoning you over to him. You moved closer and read it from over his shoulder.

Certain spirits roam the earth as ghosts due to their souls holding onto the regret they had while they were still living. It is common for these types of ghosts to stay in a place that they have special emotional ties to. They often try to scare away people who enter their sacred place as they are trying to preserve it as it is in their memory, resisting change. There have been successful cases of exorcism for these types of ghosts, though oftentimes, it serves to only anger them further, which is why exorcism is not recommended. Edit: It has been found that the spirits often pass on to the true afterlife once they let go of the regrets they are holding and free themselves from the baggage that is tying them to their sacred place.

“Haechan, I already told you, I’m not leaving.”

“But think about it, you can’t just continue existing with one foot in the afterlife, one foot in the during-life,” causing you to laugh at his wording, “aren’t there other dead people you’d like to meet? You know, like Michael Jackson or something?”

“Of course, but how would you know if there really is an afterlife where I could meet them?”

“I don’t, but aren’t you getting tired of just watching people come and go? Aren’t you curious about the existence of an afterlife? You’ve been here for what, two years?”

“Three years.” You corrected, though he was correct about your boredom and curiosity even if it really was just in the slightest form.

You weren’t looking forward to when the boys moved out as it meant you’d be left on your own again. You had grown used to the four of them since you had at least one of them home at nearly all times. You didn’t want them to leave and you had even though about asking them to stay, but you knew it would be unfair to them as they had previously talked about their future educational plans.

Renjun already was in the process of transferring to a school or arts to further hone his skills as he was nearing the completion of his traditional core credits. Jeno wanted to study abroad and experience different cultures while Jaemin simply would follow along, having promised both of their parents that he would look out for Jeno and make sure he didn’t overwork himself though oftentimes it was the other way around.

As finals came around again, you witnessed the boys and their ways of dealing with the stress of their exams. Renjun simply painted aggressively while Jeno started stretching and working out more often and Jaemin, who still wasn’t able to hear or see you, resorted to cooking. You couldn’t believe Haechan broke out those godforsaken candles yet again, even after you had voiced your hatred for them, having to put out their flames and clean up the dripping wax as to not cause a fire hazard.

One day, Jaemin was finally able to see a faint outline of your silhouette when you managed to catch the knife he had accidentally pushed off the counter while preparing dinner for the guys. He really didn’t believe them when they spoke of your existence, he simply thought it was some kind of odd prank they were all in on, but when he saw his knife floating mere centimeters above his foot, he realized they weren’t lying at all.

Ever since then, you’ve enjoyed hanging around with all four of the boys. They each introduced you to their hobbies and did their best at including you in as many activities as possible. Renjun was overjoyed when he saw you lift a brush from his case and when you asked if you could join him. He was painting a simple sunset and was more than happy to have your company. Renju let you paint any way you wished, only helping here and there to blend in your strokes and fix some of the color gradients.

After it dried, you stood back as he hung the canvas up in the living room with a broad smile on his face. He turned around and you watched as his expression morphed into one of confusion when he didn’t see you behind him and he called out your name. You felt a sense of anxiety creep up on you, reminiscent of the feeling of when your own family were not about to see you.

You knew Renjun had it easiest when it came to seeing and hearing you so why was he having a hard time now? “Oh, there you are.” He said, when you came into his view again, seemingly lightheartedly but it was hard for both of you to feel at ease after what just occurred.

It happened again when you were with Jeno as he was teaching you how to play a few chords on his guitar, something you had always wanted to do in your active lifetime. The two of you had been going at it for about an hour now and things were going pretty smoothly aside from Jeno having to help press the strings down when your own fingers weren’t enough.

You were able to learn a few simple chords separately but right before you were able to string them all together, the guitar suddenly fell through your hold into Jeno’s hands that were helping you apply pressure to the strings. He let out a noise of surprise as he too could no longer see your form.

He blinked rapidly, thinking it was his own eyes playing tricks on him until you saw him relax as both of you witnessed your own body flicker back into existence. This time, there was definitely no denying what just happened.

Later that night you went to Haechan and told him both accounts of what was going on and you broke down in tears, telling him how you didn’t want to leave them just yet. He rubbed your back as you clung on to his shirt, your tears would’ve been soaking it if you weren’t a ghost.

As much as you wanted to stay in his embrace, he told you that he had to study for an upcoming final so you instead settled for lying on his bed and staring up at the ceiling as you let your mind wander through all the what-ifs going through your head.

You’re not sure how much time passed before Haechan finally climbed into his bed, throwing an arm over your waist. No sooner than before he lifted his head to speak to you, his arm dropped through your body and fell onto his bed. The shock was evident on his face as he watched you fade out from his view.

Haechan frantically reached out, trying to grasp onto something, anything to tell him that you were still there as he called out your name. You did the same to him, but your cries fell on deaf ears until one of your hands managed to grab ahold of his and he found your eyes, the fear in his mirroring your own.

You laid with Haechan as he slept that night, scared that you’d cease to exist if he weren’t by your side to validate your presence every so often.

May 2, 2020

One night, as all of you were in the living room watching a show on Netflix, as per Renjun’s recommendation, you mentioned these repeated occurrences to them causing a thick silence to fall over everyone as they processed what this possibly meant for you.

Again, you sought out Haechan’s comfort that night and stayed by his side as he slept because being with him made you feel the slightest bit more real, even when his arm dropped from your waist again.

Now that finals week was over, the boys were home more often, though Jaemin still continued to work and volunteer at the hospital with Renjun, leaving you with Jeno and Haechan. Not much changed as you still continued to stick to Haechan like glue.

May 14, 2020

About two weeks after you had first brought up the topic of your frequency disappearances, you were lying next to Haechan in his bed as you both watched videos on his phone. He abruptly turned it off and turned to face you. “Have you ever been in a relationship before?”

You shook your head, “no, I was always too bust for one.”

“Did you want to be in one? Do you want to be in one?” You froze as you looked at him, not sure if he meant what you’re thinking he means. “On a scale from one to ten, how mad would you be right now if I told you I might have feelings for you?”

You thought for a moment before responding. “Depends on if you’re being serious or not.”

“I’m dead serious. Okay, maybe not dead, but you know what I mean.” He said, poking fun at his word choice.

“Do you really like me?” You asked, unsure if you were thinking clearly.

“Yes,” he paused, “but only if you like me back.”

“Is this just a spur of the moment thing or have you actually had feelings for me before this?” You could feel your cheeks heating up and you were suddenly grateful that he couldn’t see you as if you were a normal human.

“For a while now.” He stated, shrugging his shoulders as if it were nothing.

Your eyes grew wide in shock. “I...Haechan, as much as I’m flattered, we both know it’s not going to work out,” your voice getting caught in your throat, “you’re human, you’re still alive. There’s someone out there for you--”

“Okay and?”

“There’s someone who you can hold, someone you can kiss and make love to, someone you can have a family with--”

“And what if that someone is you?” He interrupted again. “What if you’re the someone I want to hold, to kiss, to spend time with?”

“Haechan...I don’t know…” Your voice coming out as more of a whisper.

His eyes searched yours as he spoke. “Just let me kiss you...please.”

You let out a small “okay” as your eyes fluttered shut and you felt his lips meet yours. He showed you the warmth you didn’t know you could even feel as you allowed yourself to melt into his kiss. Had it not been for your body disintegrating again and causing Haechan to fall forward, you probably would’ve stayed kissing him until he was begging for air.

“I guess that’s the universe telling me to give you a break for a bit.” He chuckled while he grabbed his phone and unpaused the video he was playing earlier as he waited for you to appear again. You didn’t have to look at him to know there was a smile plastered on his face as you wrapped your arms around him and nuzzled your face into his chest the very second you could.

If you were considered to be clingy with Haechan, now you were practically inseparable.

May 17, 2020

It was a rare occurrence for all four of them to be home together during the day so Jaemin took it as an opportunity to gather everyone for lunch. He didn’t even knock as he opened the door to Haechan’s room, sticking his head in to say “lunch is ready. I made kimchi stew. Oh, hey y/n, haven’t seen you in a while.”

You whined in embarrassment due to the fact that you were currently seated in Haechan’s lap as he practically held you like a baby, cooing at you and littering kisses across your face.

Once Jaemin was gone, Haechan pressed a kiss to your forehead. “You’re cute when you’re embarrassed. You know that?” He said, ruffling your hair out of affection.

May 19, 2020

You watch with great interest as Haechan lugs a box into his bedroom and cuts it open, revealing an electronic keyboard. He had told you previously that he wanted to get back into playing piano, having played it when he was younger. You didn’t think he was actually serious enough about it to buy a whole keyboard which, from the looks of it, seemed pretty expensive.

You sat in his gaming chair as you watched him assemble the stand, handing him scissors when he asked and holding things in place when his own two hands weren’t enough. You didn’t trust yourself to do much else in case you randomly disappeared again. Your lips curved upwards as he plugged the keyboard into the socket on the wall and played a few chords, his own smile matching yours.

May 20, 2020

Sighing, you floating your way into Haechan’s room as you notice his sleeping figure hunched over his desk, a little string of drool landing on the lined paper he was writing on. Given that school was already over, you figured it was song lyrics that he was writing.

Haechan, along with getting back into playing piano, had also picked up song composition and lyric writing as well though he refused to show you any of the lyrics he wrote and claimed he’d be embarrassed if you saw them to which you rolled your eyes at. Haechan? Embarrassed? Now that was a rarity given that he was one of the most confident people you’ve ever met, not even bothering to cover himself up the few times you accidentally came in while he was changing his clothes.

But as confident as he was, he had yet to channel that into his lyric writing as he kept falling asleep after hours of trying to get them perfect. You fan out the candle he had been using and run your finger across his lip, gathering his drool, in order to prevent his from further wetting his paper.

You tried to slowly pull the paper out from under his head, doing your best to not wake him up, though your efforts were in vain as his eyes shot open the second you tugged a little too hard. It took Haechan only a second or two to figure out what you were doing before he snatched the paper from you while whining “I told you not to read them” as he puts it in a folder filled with other papers which you assume are also lyrics.

“I was only moving it so you wouldn’t drool on it like a baby.” You scoffed at him.

Haechan imitated your scoff back at you, “don’t lie,” he quipped, “I know you were going to read it as soon as you got your hands on it.”

“You know, you better quit it or else you’re sleeping alone tonight.” You threatened, knowing that your boyfriend of sorts has gotten used to your presence in his bed while he slept.

“No!” He exclaimed, his eyes growing wide in panic before he dove for his bed and gave you puppy eyes, begging you not to leave him.

May 25, 2020

At this point, your disappearances had become more frequent and lasted for longer durations, leaving the boys constantly guessing as to where you were. You could barely muster up the force to show yourself in your human form and physically move objects so you were glad when you realized they could all see you in your regular blue-tinted ghost state.

You considered yourself lucky when they told you they could still feel the gusts of wind you created while moving around, even when you became invisible. It may look stupid to you when you were rapidly moving your arms back in forth to let them know where you are, but it’s not like you cared when you knew they couldn’t see you anyways.

On this day, you were watching a show on TV with Renjun, though he could only vaguely sense your presence. When you heard the sink in the kitchen turn on, you left your seat and floated through the wall to see if it was Jaemin cooking again. Much to your surprise, it was Haechan who was actually doing the dishes for once.

You moved around behind him, alerting him of your presence. “Hey babe, came to do the dishes with me?” You rolled your eyes and rapidly fanned his neck, something you knew he hated because he was ticklish in that area. “Okay, okay, I get it.” He giggled while scrunching his neck.

“Is y/n with you in the kitchen?” Renjun called out from the living room. Haechan shouted back a short ‘yes’ to which you heard Renjun respond back with a slight laugh in his voice, “I thought she was still with me so I was talking about the show but I guess I was just talking to myself this whole time.”

May 29, 2020

No matter how much energy you concentrated, you just couldn’t seem to show yourself in your human form at all. You weren’t completely invisible to the boys yet, just fading in and out of your normal ghost forme every so often, though if you really tried hard enough, you could force yourself to become visible again, even if it were only for a few seconds. You saved your energy for more important moments like when Haechan shot up from his place next to you in bed, sweating from the nightmare he was having.

For the past half hour or so, you watched him as he writhed in his sleep and you felt your heart wrench knowing there was nothing you could do to rouse him from his sleep, unable to do your normal actions of slamming windows or dropping books so you felt a sense of relief when he jolted awake and looked over to where he knew you’d be, his eyes searching for the outline of your body to give him some comfort.

You forced yourself to show up, glowing faintly in the darkened room as Haechan was able to catch your silhouette before it disappeared again. His eyes bore straight into yours, even if you knew that to him, he was simply staring at a wall so you didn’t move, not wanting to leave his gaze as he spoke to you.

“Y/n, I hope you know that every moment I spend with you is precious to you. Whether I can see you or not, I know when you’re with me.” He confessed, his eyes starting to tear up. “I can only hope that I am making your last moments precious for you as well.”

You hoped so desperately to have enough strength to show yourself again to let him know that you heard him and felt the same way, but you were unable to. Your own wet eyes mirrored his as you reached out a hand to cup his face, a tear slipping out of your eyes as you watch your hand merely fall through his cheek.

June 2, 2020

You’ve come to terms with the fact that your time on earth is running out when you can only seem to manage to materialize once or twice a day, lasting for only about a second each time. You were upset that you didn’t get to say a true goodbye to the other three boys, wanting to thank them for taking such good care of you. Maybe you just so hoped that this regret would keep you with them longer, if only for a few more days.

June 4, 2020

When Haechan returns to his room after eating breakfast with the rest of the guys, you watch as he sits down in front of his keyboard before turning around to face his bed, where he’s guessing you were as he spoke. “Y/n, I wrote this song for you. I don’t know how much longer I have left with you so I rushed the ending of it, but I wanted to show you now before it’s too late.”

With that, he turned back around and began playing a melody you had heard from him before though it was different this time around now that he was singing the lyrics he wrote for you.

Like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Moments with you are always special. I’m thankful for all the days we spend together, At times like this I get shy, but it means I love you. When I see you brightly smiling and dazzling, My wish of us being together forever seems like it’ll come true. I know the future isn’t clear and the past might be sad, But don’t worry anymore. Just keep adding days like this. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, I only have plans filled with you, I think it’s perfect. In my heart, my dreams were possible through you, I want to fulfill them all with you. I’m not alone, I’m with you, When I needed someone, you came to me. Even in the ordinary, I celebrate your preciousness, Please always stay by my side.

I want to give you gift-like days, you and me, me and you baby. Without leaving behind a single day, it’s only us. Like candlelight that never goes out, My wish of us being together forever seems like it’ll come true.

June 5, 2020

If you’re being completely honest with yourself, you’ve practically given up trying to make your whereabouts known to the boys, though they continued to speak to you as they estimated your location and if you were even present in the same room or not.

You wanted to tell Haechan how much you loved the song he wrote, but you were unable to. You wanted to do something for his birthday but you barely had enough strength to walk yourself from the balcony back into his room.

For the first time within the last four years of your existence, you felt tired. You had forgotten this feeling, what it was like to be tired and suddenly you remembered when all you wanted to do was lie down and sleep.

It was late already, the digital clock on Haechan’s desk reading 11:48pm as he stepped out from the bathroom, freshly showered. You eyed him, wanting to get up and kiss him all over, to give him the same love he gave to you, and you felt so helpless when you knew you wouldn’t be able to.

He lay down in his bed with his hair still slightly wet. “Can you believe it’s already been a whole year since we first moved in?” He turned his head, guessing at where your face was but returning his gaze to the ceiling to not make you feel bad before continuing on. “I never would’ve believed in ghosts if I hadn’t met you but now I’m always gonna think all ghosts are as sweet as you and that’s not good,” he said as he let out a laugh at the end, “I’m going to get myself killed if I try talking to a ghost that isn’t as kind and loving as you.”

Haechan went silent for a bit before continuing on. “But you would never let that happen right? You’ll be my angel watching down on me from above,” he paused as a sly smile appeared on his face, “or you’ll be my little demon waiting for me in hell.” He snicked to himself at his joke. “Ah, you’re probably trying to hit me right now. Don’t worry, I’ll do it myself.” And with that, he slapped his own cheek before telling you “I really love you and I hope you know that.”

June 6, 2020

As soon as the clock’s display changed to 12:00am, Haechan’s door burst open, revealing the other three boys with party hats atop their heads as they carried in a small cake with two candles on it, showing his new age of twenty. They began singing happy birthday and you even sang along with them, clapping your hands to the beat, even if they couldn’t hear you.

“Make a wish!” Renjun exclaimed once the song was over.

Haechan clasped his hands together as he closed his eyes for a few seconds. “Y/n, I know you’re still here. Before you go, please do this one last time for me.” He reopened his eyes and looked over at where he assumed you were and gestured towards the cake. You felt your heart swell with love as you took a final glance at him before using all your remaining energy to blow out the candle.

When the flame of the candle went out, so did your view of the world. Everything faded to black as your fire was extinguished, letting you rest in peace as Haechan’s candlelight.

122 notes · View notes

dana-chan-the-control-brain · 4 years ago

Text

Happy new year everyone 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I know 2020 has been hard for everyone.

And I want everyone to know, suffering isn't a contest and we all suffer in different ways. But I feel I should give my year in Review. Just some things that happened to me personally.

This was an intense, and long and spiritual and emotional journey for me...

I really discovered what it meant to have community, family and what my life means to me.

But I feel I need to get this in writing cause I can remember the year with vivid detail and I will probably forget if I don't get it down.

Do I have to share this publically online to my tumblr account for a bunch of strangers to see? not really.

Do I want to?

Yes. I think so. Just from how so many people on tumblr and real life have touched me.

This is kinda long and no one needs to read this.

(idk how to do a readmore on mobile. But this is where I would add it later. No one needs to read if they don't want to.)

January/February: (and some background on the last five years of my life cause.....well. it's important.)

As people knew, I got way into Invader Zim last summer. I spent most of my waking life working a dead end job at a grocery store. I lived a sad lonely life, going straight home to a single dark studio apartment. With not many material possessions outside of games, my laptop and my tablet to my name. Half of my material loves, such as home furnishings and books were still in boxes from when I moved in. In case I ever had to move again, or get some "big screenshot or copywriter" job in the city.

....

I lived in that city in the same dead end job and apartment for five years.

No friends. No social life. I often refused to make doctor appointments or attempt to establish myself in that city. I didn't even talk to anyone in my workplace.

Work. Go online. Go to sleep.

I lived like that for five years.

I thought it was good.

Even my therapist thought I was doing well.

When I really wasn't. My main character flaw I struggle with is motivation.

I can talk to someone about very detailed plans I have to fix a problem... But I tend to never follow through.

Just because I can describe in detail how to fix my personal problems, it doesn't mean I will do it.

(I have gotten better at this but it's a major struggle)

I might have been a Zombie during the day...

But by night I was pouring my soul into my AU and my analysis.

After being so thoughly ignored or overlooked by the Naruto fandom and the Undertale fandom, I felt like I had finally found my home and was settling into a community there.

I just loved that people loved what I had to say.

Especially my AU.

It's no secret that a lot of themes in my au revolve around found family, grief, and loss.......

Fatherhood, in particular.

What it means to be a father, how much do you need to try when you mess up, how willing should a child forgive their parent, especially those that have wronged you and how much of it is factually accurate and simply a self projection of what children want their parents to be and visa versa... What amount of forgiveness and change is nessasary...is it needed?

....

It's no secret that a lot of my AU is a giant coping mechanism for my Dad's death. Espessially the falling out and growing closer with a lot of my family members throughout the years following his death. (Most of the time I keep it ambiguous to how it relates to my personal life unless I include a readmore that states so outright. I feel my au can be enjoyed by a variety of people in the fandom who don't need to know me as a person or my life story.)

My Dad passed away in 2016 in February and my family still feels the aftershocks to this day.

It's part of the reason I moved to the city, alienated myself from my family and people that loved me and refused to experience life for five years.

My entire world was Zim, and I was okay.

March: When America finally realized and started to feel the effects of the pandemic....

A lot of people got scared.

Me included.

I didn't have any streaming services or access to the news. So I only heard accounts from my mom.

I didn't understand why the store was so dead quiet and empty for a few days, then it went into mass chaos and panic in the span of two days.

It felt like Retail black friday in the worst way. Everyone was packed like sardines. Everyone was yelling. The lines at the registers bled into the clothing department.

I was witness to customers shoving others for toilet paper, being rude to cashier's and just overall unpleasantness.

At the time, I didn't even fully grasp what the pandemic was, and I feel a lot of people at the time didn't either.

I ended up absentmindedly scratching my eyebrow in front of a customer and she screamed and villanised me for it. That they didn't want groceries touched by my "unclean hands"

I ended up breaking down into tears.

The customer behind me gave me a hug and told me I was doing a great job.

But the damage was done. It was the final straw, I couldn't stop crying and I was breaking apart.

Thankfully my Boss (the one who likes me) pulled me aside and asked what's wrong.

It was then that I quit. No notice. Same day. I had to get out of there.

I was planning to move to an apartment with my sister in the summer, but my Mom offered for me to move back in with her temperarily just so I can get out of the city and away from the pandemic.

So I did.

I got scared, broke my lease a month early and quit my job of five years that gave me nothing back.

He told me, "take care of yourself and your family, I won't keep you here, do what you need to do."

So I did.

April-June:

A very eventful few months.

My mom offered for me to live at her place, but for some reason she was acting like I would live there forever. That this wasn't a temporary arrangement, and that I didn't have an apartment set up already.

This was in large part to my sister, who had lived with my mom taking advantage of her for years.

Even though my sister and I were going to move in together, I was just never sure about it cause of how she never packed her stuff or made any effort to find a job.

My mom often acted like I was lazy and not searching and was treating me like... Well, an unruly teenager instead of a woman of 29 years. She acted like I was a failure for returning home when it was her idea in the first place.

I would have just been petrified in the city.

Like usual, I retreated to my au again.... And in the spring, something eventful happened.

In may, 8th 2020:

I was invited by @rissynicole to join an invader zim discord.

Now, I've never really used discord before. I always thought it's interface is too confusing.. and I'm a member of a few other iz discords and I usually don't follow them that closely.

Rissy assured me it was different cause some friends of thiers made it and it was smaller.

Before I knew it, I was sharing memes and getting to know everyone there.

It wasn't long after I invited my partner in IZ crimes, @paketdimensioncomic who was genuinely wary of iz servers due to a bad experience with the last one they were a part of.

But soon they were sharing memes and laughing with everyone else.

My eyes were starting to open and I was able to connect to fans of my work in an interpersonal way. And I was able to discover new artists and aus I never knew about.

I was also able to meet so many others of the community and invite them to the server myself.

The moo-ping 10 server kept me sane while I was living with my judgmental mother.

Not only that, the summer was very productive for my au.

Drawing was all I did, and it was a huge break from the job as a cashier I had.

Not only that, June came, and with it, me and Ceph's first collab fic:

A result of us just going back and forth in our DMs constantly about Professor Membrane and how he changed in ETF for the better and how much we adamantly stan "trying-to-be-a-good-dad-brane" and how much of his ETF development has to be implied off screen in order for the emotional resolution in the movie to matter.

The only reason I never professed my love for Membrane as a character in the fandom before the fic dropped was.... Well....

Membrane can be a decisive character in the fandom and I was so worried people would hate me if I did an analysis on him, simply because he's not the best parent in the world. (As an understatement)

Ceph and I really encouraged each other to scream our love for the science himbo loud and proud more frequently and so often.... I actually start to see less Membrane hate posts and breakdowns then their used to be.... I like to think it's a combination of Me and Ceph's influence, along with ETF and the Quarterly's painting Membrane in a slightly more nuanced light then he was previously.

I never wrote a collab fic before and it's such a rewarding and fun and unique experience that I don't think I'll ever have again. And I love working with Ceph on our fics so much.

So much so we did it again...

July-August:

I never thought I would be one of those people who writes NSFW IZ fic... But here I am.

The Brainbrane au started.... An au of my au where Membrane and the Computer fall in love and Membrane makes him a body.

This ship was based around the idea where we joked that Membrane and Zim's Computer would have funny interactions if they ever met, under the pretense Membrane thinks Computer is Zim's parent.

Our headcanons morphed and shifted until we just full blown started shipping them.

Just because Membrane and Zim's Computer have overall REALLY entertaining chemistry.

It's a character dynamic never seen in the show or comics (yet) and I imagine thier interactions to be nothing but entertaining banter.

The fic was also born from spite... Making fun of the troupes and cliches that we found personally destestible in some questionable zadr fics.

So an angry ace and a demi-bisexual collab on a porn and end up blessing the fandom with

Compapa headcanons,

Computer being recognized as a more common used fanon character,

The ship of Brainbrane.

The fandom having a crisis of "oh God, not only are we xenophiles we're technophiles too!!!" Or "why you gotta give Zim's Computer an ass"

More android Computer designs

It was an eventful summer.

In the midst of all this, I moved into my new place, got a new job, and I was able to see my friend (who is def my platonic straight soul mate) who lives in Indiana.

She came to visit, showed me how to decorate and how to take care of my body better! Things were looking up! It was great.

September-November:

My job was at a boat store. If was approaching the fall and my hours were being severely cut.

I was getting into a rut of depression again.

I thought things were changing but the same routine I was trying to escape from was the same thing coming back.

But instead of letting it take hold, I decided I was going to do something about it... I was gonna visit a museum and go with my sister. Just... variety stimulation.

Well that didn't happen.

I talked about this shortly in my au itself...but..

My sister had a complete mental breakdown.

She stopped taking her meds, went off the deep end and was in the hospital a total of five times throughout November.

A lot of it was acting out and the perfect storm of environmental factors that made her scream and act out so she would keep going back to the hospital.

It was traumatizing for me.

I just can't explain what it's like. For her and for me to be in that position.

I'm not telling the full story and a lot of bullshit things happened I won't share here.

She got diagnosed with bipolar one and my mom expected me to be a caretaker for her.

I threatened to disown my family and move away out of state.

It was just too much for me to handle.

So much I was a nervous wreck.

I tried to pick up a second job... Cause my sister was in the mental ward so frequently and couldn't pay the bills.

But I was fired within a week cause I was so stressed I couldn't retain the basic information they were training me for.

It was an office job.

My dream.

It could have been.

I was fired from something I really wanted.

I was only there for three days.

I could not retain any information.

I was a mess.

My sister was a trigger, my mom wanted me to live with her. I couldn't live like this.... I had to get out.

I had to get out.

December:

Remember my Indiana friend?

Well the first week of December is my birthday.

My 30th to be exact.

While I did pick up a seasonal position at Target (not my first pick)

I took the first week of December off so I could spend time with her. Cause she agreed, I needed a break from this crap.

Surviving 30 years is cause to celebrate and if I had to celebrate with my sister I would have cried.

I know there was a risk traveling out of state during a pandemic...

But I needed out, I needed a friend..

And I kinda wanted to look at the place since I was considering moving there.

My friend's mom was sick so she avoided me and her daughter and got us a hotel room.

It was fun! I got to swim in a salt water pool, we talked about Naruto, I showed her the iz and su art books I brought, also Computer and Membrane tea.

I also got to meet her other friends and get crunk. And her bf who is super nice and funny!

I had a super fun birthday....

Until her mom told my friend that her grandparents had covid and that was what she had. And my friend got sick within that same day.... As did I.

I owe so much to her family.

I was an entire state away...about a ten hour drive from home.... She let me stay at her house. "The covid house" we called it.

Cause everyone (except the father. He avoided everyone and booked a hotel immediately cus he was an ER doctor) had covid within a day.

I called in, the test results were positive and I had to stay with her family for ten days quarantine before I could work again.

Which would have been fine....

If my tumblr didn't log me out perminately of my old account. @dana-chan325 .... Which really sucked cause I had a constant headache and was too sick to engage with tumblr or much of the fandom. I didn't want to make a new account when my head was in a bad fog and I could barely breathe or smell.

It's not like I saw much of my friend either.... We all slept at different hours and she had more symptoms then I did.

It was just netflix, danganronpa v3 and cry.

I was miserable, but at the same time.... Not?

I really feel like God himself was the one who pulled me off from tumblr, and my living situation.

Maybe a whole extra week feeling like a bobblehead was what I needed.

It gave me some much needed clarity on my relationships with my mom and sis and friend.

Running away to Indiana was not the solution here.

Once I was better within ten days and no longer had a leave of absence, I drove home.

I am glad I fully recovered (but from how I understand it, my dear friend is still ill. I'm praying for her)

I might have gone to work a bit too soon, cause I had an asthma attack after trying to unload a single cart in the span of six hours.

My boss lectured that my speed was unacceptable, and even though I explained the covid situation and breathing problems many times, she threatened that I'd be fired if I'm that slow again.

Que the next few days of work where they put me on register.

Instantly I was sent into a panic remembering the last time I was on the register and how that panic attack caused me to quit.

I even asked if I could go back to stocking, since my breathing had improved. My boss assured me that I was put on the register cause they needed help and nothing to do with my covid thing.

Then as December concluded and the new year began, my boss said that this was the last shift for me cause my position was seasonal and they were letting a lot of people go.

I then asked why I was on the schedule for Sunday, and he told me to ignore it and I'm free to reapply for full-time.

I mean.... They can act smart about it...

But putting your general merchandise stocker onto register after she had an asthma attack and missed working the first two weeks of December due to covid.....

Not a good look.

So once again, I'm jobless once more.

Will probably continue to live with my sister for awhile.

But I do not feel as if it's a bad thing....

I met so many good people this year....

My friend's family even gave me 500 usd to cover my rent since I couldn't work for a majority of December.

I've seen evil and good from humanity this year. I've seen acts of god, good friends and what my real family means to me as well as friends I consider family.

This year really made me look back at the person in the mirror and say,

"I deserve better."

And actually worked for it this time.

Oh and after Christmas I got a horrible yeast infection that burns over most of my body currently.

Very accurate doodle to the pain I'm in right now.

(seriously my body is a fungus.)

But hey, good news, I respected myself enough to go to the doctor about it!!

So that's progress.

I really hope 2021 holds good things for me.

Thank you to the mooping 10 server for always being there and keeping me sane,

Thank you tumblr for liking my au and everything.

AND A SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @evartandadam and her family for housing me and my dumb diseased ass. Everyone, she is an angel and I can't express how much she means to me. Please check out her art and buy her stuff on redbubble.

Anyways... Byebye 2020.

I look forward to what I can accomplish for myself this year.

#danachan's posts #personal stuff #new year post #tw: covid #tw: yeast infection

38 notes · View notes