#i react to perfectly normal and fun activities with the same psychological framework of a gazelle being stalked by a cheetah
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like somewhere in me the wires between 'excitement' and 'dread' got mixed up and now they feel exactly the same and i cant enjoy stuff without taking a dozen steps to reassure myself that something bad is NOT happening and it's all fine we're just going to the movie theater to have a popped corn and see a big screen. it's ridiculous. it's outrageous. it's unconscionable
#i react to perfectly normal and fun activities with the same psychological framework of a gazelle being stalked by a cheetah#and then i wonder why most of the activities i choose to do are boring and predictable and repetitive#one exception is a new hike ive never been on. i never get anxious about going to a new location alone and hiking it#that shit makes me feel like...idk real painless excitement#i guess#i feel pleasantly eager for what's to come and my heart swells with gladness/enjoyment/contentment#this is not the case with most things i enjoy doing#with most things i enjoy doing i have to fight seventeen video game obstacle courses of trepidation before im allowed to have fun#and then the first hour of the fun is also me having palpitations. and fun. at the same time#like who fuckin DESIGNED this thing#q
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