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#i reaallllly really hope you like this
silvesi · 2 years
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Im giving you Henry Harker for the matchups! He's a half-demon and cult survivor guy who now hunts demons to deny his own demonic nature. He's a victorian goth that dresses like a bloodborne character and smokes pipe like a gentleman. He has long curly brown hair, a shitty depression stubble, twink-ish build and round glasses he never takes off (his eyes are weird and demonic). As an extra, he might go full margonite in the future so hope you like tentacles ❤️
Fedsy sees this goth guy from across some tavern in Divinity’s Reach and is like oh, what is he WEARING. THAT’S SO COOL. Feds is REALLY into human fashion so he’s definitely just, straight up like. Hey. you look hot. Where do you get your clothes. What are you smoking. What the hell is this little guy doing here why is he talking to you why’s he like that do sylvari not know what cigars are? Sorry. I’m just convinced that Henry would activate all of his curious impulses at once lookin like that so mans just gonna start TALKING.
Demon hunter? What does he class as a demon. Feds needs to know this so bad. If I bite people and sometimes go insane in a bit of a rabid way does that include me? yes? no? alright. He pretends he doesn’t care either way. U can try hunt me if u reaallllly want ;) (This flirting will now be used in part to deflect his genuine concern about if he’s a Horror, and also at least a little because Henry is hot.) His wires are all crossed and conflicted now and he’s gonna be annoying but flirt at the same time, it seems. Nobles get that treatment, or they get crimes.
He’ll actually overthink the entire thing if the answer is at all hesitant or near yes later, once he's done.
Cult survivor though. I think that would bring up a lot of respect from Feds, as well as sympathy somehow. It’s to do with how everyone else looks at you for something that isn’t even your fault. Outwardly, he seems to be dealing with it well, having gone for a noble cause. Feds would think that was a very good coping mechanism, instead of pretending it doesn’t exist. He’d be all wow, wish I was that put together with my Tendencies! He has his shit together! (even if he doesn't, lol)
Tentacles? How much am I going to admit on tumblr dot com. You know. You know how it is . Flicks my gay little wrist. If u can’t tell how Feds preferences are by looking at him then I’m doing something wrong.
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blinder-secrets · 4 years
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Ring Girl - Part 2
part one
ao3 link
a/n: i can’t believe after 3 years i’m finally continuing this... i genuinely feel so good about it, i hope it was worth the wait
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Bonnie woke before you, as he often did. He could’ve left you sleeping, slipped away without stirring you at all, but his softness wouldn’t let him. It never did. He’d told you once that his day couldn’t go right unless you welcomed it in and, after that, you’d stopped complaining. You let him wake you when he wanted and smiled each time that he did.
‘Dove,’ he said quietly, trailing his index finger across your collarbone. ‘It’s morning.’ He drew a line and then looped it, spinning patterns on your skin until you showed signs of waking.
You were on your back, with him on his side next to you. When you’d said goodnight, you’d been tangled together, wound up like string, but he fidgeted too much; in the mornings, you were always apart again. ‘Already?’ you sighed, talking round the edges of a yawn. ‘What time?’
‘Six.’
With your eyes still closed, you turned your head, flipping your cheek onto the pillow to face him. ‘More sleep, please,’ you murmured.
He laughed, keeping it quiet and light. Soft like he might’ve startled you. ‘I need you to wish me luck, dove.’
You pulled your eyes open then, peeling the lids apart and blinking a few times to keep them so. ‘Why?’ you asked, yawning afterwards. ‘What’s today?’
The room was dim, lit with what little sun could filter in through the curtains, but he still lay there glowing. Dark eyes melting into amber. His skin fresh and pale, and drawn across his cheeks like bone china. Precious, you thought. Gold in name and value.
His hand shifted from your chest and pushed under the covers to link with yours. ‘It’s the first day training,’ he said, lips settling into a grin. ‘They’ve got me in the best gym in Birmingham.’ He pulled the word, stretched it and curled it into his accent, cherished it like it was his for the taking.
Birmingham. The city, the bricks and the smoke. It all held a weight to him that was lost on you.
‘What do you need training for?’ There wasn’t a man in England that could beat him, you’d seen enough of them try.
‘It’s important.’ He pressed a kiss to your shoulder. ‘Rules are different.’
‘Fuck rules,’ you answered lazily. ‘You’re all instinct, Bon.’
He squeezed your hand before letting go. ‘Not anymore.’ He sat up with a groan, pausing on the edge of the bed to roll his neck out, to stretch his limbs and wipe his eyes before standing.
‘Come back,’ you whined, reaching a limp arm over the bed to him. ‘Just for a bit.’
He shook his head as he bent over the chest you both kept your clothes in. ‘I can’t be late.’
‘Who says?’ You rolled onto your elbows, chin in your hands. He began to dress himself as you watched. ‘Your dad,’ you asked, ‘or the Shelbys?’
‘Both, dove.’ He ignored the comment you’d slung beneath the words, the question you couldn’t ask outright. Who are you loyal to now Bonnie? Who’s threats scare you the most? ‘I have to go,’ he said.
‘I think I preferred when you were boxing trees.’
The soft smile you knew so well fell onto his features — the one that said, you’re difficult, but you’re mine. He came back to the bed and ran a hand over your hair. ‘Trees don’t pay, y’know. This is good for us.’
It’s good for Aberama, you thought. ‘Will you be away for long?’
‘Just the day,’ he said. ‘You’ll have me again before it’s dark.’
You smiled and turned to kiss his wrist. ‘I suppose I can keep myself busy til then.’
He nodded, and leant down to return the gesture, planting his lips onto the top of your head. ‘Be good,’ he said as he stood again. ‘Don’t be gettin’ into trouble.’
‘When do I ever get myself in trouble, Bon?’
‘Almost everyday,’ he answered.
You’d only lingered in bed a little longer after Bonnie left, then you’d washed and dressed, and walked from the camp with your hair damp and frizzing. It wasn’t hot, but it wasn’t cold enough to make you regret it either. It’d be dry by the time you got to town. You had thought about getting the train from the nearest station, but why bother when you had all day to waste anyway. The walk would do you good.
When you got to Small Heath, you followed the canals, clinging to those streaks of almost wilderness. They weren’t natural, but it felt nicer to walk them than the roads. You didn’t pass another soul until it took you through the Shelby yard. The old man that owned it gave you a look as you arrived, but said nothing. Perhaps he knew who you were. Perhaps he’d made the connection on his own, from the way you dressed, the way you carried yourself. Bonnie had said their family was Romani too, and kin recognise kin no matter how long ago they settled.
‘Can I cut through here, sir?’ you asked him.
He nodded once, wiping his hands clean on a rag that was already black with coal. ‘One of the Golds, are you?’
‘Not yet.’ You smiled as you veered from the comfort of the canal path to cross the yard. ‘Won’t be long, though,’ you added as you passed him.
He ignored your comment as you thought he would. ‘Don’t make it a habit, love, walking through here. S’a working boat yard, you know.’
You waved a hand over your shoulder in acknowledgment; you never made anything habit.
Following whim had led you to the bookies on Watery Lane. Last time you were there, Finn, you think he’s called, had let you place a bet on the Blinders’ winning horse. You didn’t follow the races yourself, you just did it because you could. Because it had never been offered to you before. He’d suggested a horse and you’d agreed to it, put the few pounds you’d had into his palm and told him to go for it. Make me a winner, Peaky boy.
He wasn’t around this time. When you walked into the betting shop, all the thick-sculled men twisted their necks to look at you. They went quiet like you were a ghost. Like they’d never seen a woman before.
‘I placed a bet,’ you said, to the room, because no one offered to help you. ‘Last week.’
‘Did ya, love,’ said the closest, laughing as he turned back to his work.
You stood straighter. ‘Yes.’ You took the slip Finn had given you, and held it out to him, shoving it under his nose so he was forced to look at it. ‘See?’
The man glanced at you sideways and then took the receipt, sitting back to scrutinise it. ‘Who the bloody hell let you do that?’ he said, accent thick and rolling and itching under your skin.
‘Finn Shelby,’ you told him, knowing it was a weapon to say so. They could be as rude as they liked, but you knew they were all hares in a trap that the Shelbys’ set. You watched the smugness flush from his expression. ‘So,’ you purred, ‘did I win?’
He shook his head, then he sighed. Then he leant forward again and held the paper back out for you to take. ‘No, love,’ he said. ‘You lost like the rest of them.’
Frowning, you took the receipt and shoved it, crumpled, back into your pocket. ‘It was fixed?’ you asked. ‘He had me bet on the wrong horse?’
‘I’m not sayin’ that.’
But he wouldn’t, even if Finn had. ‘He said it would win,’ you continued, your words bitter and souring. ‘Was blessed, he said.’
The man cleared his throat. ‘Can’t be helped.’
It could, in fact, be helped.
‘Do you have a toilet?’ you asked.
You’d sweetened your voice slightly and it had worked, because he nodded and pointed to the back of the room, past the tables and the workers, without even looking up at you. You followed the direction he’d sent you in, and locked yourself into the toilet for long enough to seem convincing.
If Finn could sell you a false bet, you saw no harm in getting back what was wrongly taken from you — with some interest, of course.
When it seemed reasonable, you left the toilet and started back through the shop, eyes scanning the tables as you passed them. It mustn’t have been long since they took their last winnings; the desks were busy with notes, and pennies, and men counting as fast as their education would let them. Seeing a suitably abandoned pile, close to the edge of the nearest, you paused and crouched. No-one was taking any notice of you. You tied your lace though it had never been undone and then, with a final check for safety, you stole the money. Your hand curled over the table-edge, pushing the top inch of notes from the pile and into your waiting pocket. It was so easy you almost laughed.
In a way, you wish you had laughed. Now, you knew it wouldn’t have made a difference, because you never got away with it. If you’d have laughed at the time, you might’ve been able to flirt your way out of the trouble.
After standing, you had started to walk away, nonchalant and pleased with your actions. And then the thin-moustached man, who was previously looking for his cigarettes, had turned back and noticed. You’d been hoping he would be clueless to it. Or at least slow enough that you’d be out the door and down the road before he realised.
‘Oi,’ he barked, ‘where’s that fucking money gone?’
There wasn’t chance to plea your case. Out of everyone in the shop, it could have only ever been you that was responsible. It didn’t take them long to work that out.
You were by the campfire when Aberama found you. He knew already what’d happened, at least, he knew what Mikey had told him, who knew what you had told Allie, which really wasn’t all that much. All you’d said to her, was that you’d robbed some money from the wrong man, and he’d smacked the sense back into you. She didn’t need to know that it involved Shelby business, because Aberama didn’t need to know. The paths that gossip took were predictable enough that you’d accounted for it.
When he got to you, the kettle you’d been waiting for finally hissed and screamed into its boiling point. You reached for it, but Aberama took it off the flames and set it onto the table before you could. No tea for you, then. Just inquisition.  
‘So, what am I meant to tell Bonnie this time?’ he asked, crossing his wrists over his front. ‘He’ll be back soon.’
‘I know.’ You felt inclined to keep your face hidden, choosing to stare down at the fire instead of looking at him. ‘It’s nothing serious,’ you told him. The first slap had been hard enough to split your lip, the second just enough to bruise the cushioning beneath your eye. Everything else was so minor it barely left an ache.
‘Everything is serious to him, girl.’
You nodded.
‘This will hurt him,’ he said.
‘I know,’ you agreed. He didn’t want to hear anything else from you after all. ‘I’ll deal with it.’
‘You will.’ He stepped closer, and dipped his head so you couldn’t help but look at him. You didn’t find him threatening, just chilling. Unreadable but familiar enough that you couldn’t be scared of him. ‘I won’t have you distracting him now,’ he warned. ‘I like you, but I won’t hesitate to make a choice on his behalf.’
You nodded. He lifted your chin with the tips of his fingers to get a proper look at you.
‘You’re too rough for all your sweetness,’ he said. Then, after a moment of consideration, he added, ‘I’ll tell Bonnie before he sees you, but make this the last time, dear.’
After that, you sat on the steps to your wagon, anxiety rotting in your gut, until the sun had began to set. Just before it fell enough to make the sky feel dark, Bonnie came home. He entered the camp whistling, his hands in his pockets, his steps free and bounding. He saw you from across the way, but Aberama intercepted him before he could get any closer.
Guilt bit at your ankles as the joy went from his shoulders and into the mulch, his high from the day’s training lost once he heard of your own stupidity. You watched his brows pull together. His hands left his pockets in fists. The worst part of it, was knowing that it could’ve been avoided. You could’ve taken your failed bet and left, could’ve gone home and read, and waited. Could’ve lay down and listened to him gush about the fights he’d had. Instead, you had to watch his buzz harden into anger, and sit under the weight of his gaze as he approached.
When he got to you, he was mute. His jaw set and unset.
‘Bon,’ you started, looking up at him, ‘before you say anything—‘
‘No, dove,’ he stopped you. He folded his arms and then unwound them again, fidgeting in the way he did when he tried to keep himself calm. When he tried to put words before actions. ‘I told you to be careful,’ he said. His voice was so taut it was almost a whisper.
You exhaled heavily. Not in a sigh, in deflation. You dropped your head but he lifted it again, his hand so light against your cheek that it may as well have not been there. It was the intention more than the grip that brought your eyes back to his. While he scanned your face, you sat vacant, waiting for the disapproval to load onto his features. His thumb moved to hover over the cut in your lip, his eyes dark and scrutinising.
‘Who was it?’ he asked pointedly, still talking through the catch of his teeth.
‘No one.’
‘Don’t do that.’
‘Bon,’ you pushed his hand away, ‘it’s like you said, they’re less forgiving in the city. I know that now.’
He wasn’t satisfied. He knew you too well, knew you were smarter than getting caught for pickpocketing. ‘I’ll ask you again, who was it?’
Rolling your eyes, you looked away from him. You couldn’t lie to his face as easily as you could with others. ‘I don’t know names,’ you said.
‘What happened then?’ he replied, standing limp before you. His gaze bore into the bruise on your cheek. ‘Where were you?’
If Bonnie was anything, he was stubborn. The only person you knew other than yourself, that would run a thought into the ground, let an idea posses him until he found whatever it was he wanted. You closed your eyes for a moment, knowing the next words to come out your mouth would only make things worse. And yet, there you were, preparing to say them anyway.
‘I took money,’ you said slowly, 'from the Shelby bookmakers.’
‘What?’ The word hissed out of him, piercing the quiet bubble that had previously kept you safe from curious stares. Now, they looked freely, heads turning in your direction as Bonnie continued. ‘Fucken’ what?’ he spat. ‘They did this?’
‘No, no, Bon…’ You rolled your head between your shoulders, searching for something, anything, to say to quell him. ‘It wasn’t like that exactly.’
‘Then how was it like?’ His hands curled up again, rigid and set for striking.
‘Finn gave me a dud bet,’ you explained quickly. ‘I went and he wasn’t there, and they all gave me a look as if I shouldn’t be, and I thought, well, fuck them, I’ll take my own winnings.’
‘I’ll kill ‘em.’
You groaned. ‘No, Bon, I was being stupid. I deserved it, really. I mean, it was broad daylight, in a shop full of—’
‘Those Blinder fucks,' he cursed, turning to pace away from you. He spat into the leaves and threw a hand up to grab the cap from his head. ‘I’m s’posed to be fucken’ one of ‘em.’
‘Bonnie.’ You stood, stepping wide enough to reach him. You grabbed him by the arm and forced him to still. ‘It was a Blinder who stopped it,’ you said.
‘Yeah?’ His eyes darkened. ‘Not soon enough.’
‘He wasn’t there,’ you stressed. ‘When he came, he told them who I was. It’s sorted, Bon, we sorted it.’
You’d apologised to Finn, and he’d done the same. You were both crooks after all. There was too much between them and the Golds to be lost, so you’d agreed with him to leave it there, no bad blood. No revenge needed from either side. It’d be forgotten about before sunrise if Bonnie let it.
‘What’re you gonna do, Bonnie?’ you asked, softening your voice. ‘You go there and all this is ruined. I won’t let you do it.’
His jaw set again. ‘They hurt you, dove.’
‘I know.’ You rubbed his bicep. ‘It’s not worth it, still. Not even for me.’
‘Don’t keep sayin’ things like that,’ he scolded. ‘Always puttin’ me before you.’
His brows folded, and when he pulled away from your touch you let him. He looked upwards, to the trees, then to his feet. He was working through it. Tucking away the anger to consider the repercussions. There wasn’t anything he could do without causing more problems, no punch he could land without throwing the fight. He needed to be in the Shelby’s good books, for Aberama, for his career. He may not have liked it, but it was the truth.
‘Alright,’ he said, after a forced breath. ‘If it’s sorted?’
‘It is,’ you answered. ‘It’s forgotten.’
He nodded tightly. Then, for the first time, his expression faltered, softness melting the lines between his eyebrows. ‘You are alright, aren’t you, dove?’
You smiled, ignoring the pinch as it tugged the scab on your lip. ‘It’s nothing.’
Tutting, he pulled you into his chest, arms wrapping around you tightly. ‘Leave the fightin’ to me, ey?’ He said by your ear, words light and sad all the same. ‘Dun’t suit you.’
The hug was warm, and tight, and he smelt like a football team straight off the pitch, but you couldn’t pull away. You wanted to sink into him, right between the bones, and stay there. Mine, you thought. Mine and yours.
‘I’m sorry,’ you said, the stress delayed and boiling in your chest. ‘I could’ve fucked it up for you.’ You’d acted selfishly. It was pure luck, and understanding, and wilful retreat that kept it from shattering everything he and Aberama had built.
‘Ah,’ he soothed, his palm running up your back, ‘you know we don’t worry ‘bout the past.’
He didn’t but you did. Always, and relentlessly.
‘Here,’ he said, pulling back to hold your face. He kissed you once, gently, careful ‘cause he knew how it’d hurt, and then smiled. ‘I’ve still got to tell you ‘bout me day.’
‘Yeah?’ You leant back into his arms. ‘How’d it go?’
His eyes lit up. They shone in the twilight. ‘They said I’m gonna be a star, dove. A fucken’ star.’
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stemcellee · 6 years
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ahhhh i toured ucla a few days ago!!!! the campus is amazing! when i stepped on campus... i couldn't even begin to describe how i felt. it was as if i wasn't overly excited or anxious like the other colleges i toured, it was more like i felt comfortable. like this was where i was meant to be. and then immediately after that i was overwhelmed with fear because what if i don't get in? what if i'm not doing enough to get into my dream school? that fear is definitely in the back of my head rn as the
(2nd half of ask) uc app opens up in a few days. most likely you've received asks like this before countless times, but was this what was going through your mind during app season? do you have any words of advice with these ~* stressful times *~ coming up, anything you wish you would have known before diving in?
I’m so glad you liked UCLA!! I remember when I came for Bruin Day after admission and I felt the same good feelings :’)
I remember I was kinda given false hope often during my senior year and I was naive to believe it so much; everyone told me “you’ll probably get into stanford because you’re so smart!!!” like even my counselor said “you have an amazing chance at getting into stanford” and now that i think about it I should’ve taken it as a grain of salt lol 
But because of that I felt “confident” that I could get into the schools I wanted. When I was rejected from stanford, my first one because I did early decision, i was literally wrecked because I suddenly felt like i was not good enough for other schools. Luckily I did get an acceptance from everywhere else I applied (I only applied to four UC’s and USC) but I have LEARNED I AM HUMBLED
So yeah I was not exactly nervous back then because i was a cocky bich looool but I also don’t remember much about applying. I remember starting my application the day it opened for everything; I recommend doing this because there is a LOT of the application that doesn’t require you to think and write (like just filling out general info about yourself)
Tips then would be to NOT PROCRASTINATE AT ALL because remember: this is your FUTURE and you wouldn’t wanna mess that up because you procrastinated
Talk to people about what you should write for your personal statements. I think when talking to people about things, you discover more about that subject which gives you better writing points
Write a draft!! Just start. You can scrap it later. Think of something that really means a lot to you and is something you don’t struggle to talk about! 
Always come back to your answers to questions on a new day to check if they are what you want them to be. Have others read them too and ask them “what is your very first impression” after they read it. Have people who don’t even know you that well read it too; maybe a counselor you don’t talk to often!!
I think the fear is in everyone though; it’s because you reaallllly want it to happen. Just try your best, create this application the exact way you want to present yourself, and hope for the best :)
Good luck and I hope you get in!! :)
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harryisntstraight · 6 years
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Not even at all joking that I think people that do devote all their time to running online blogs about stuff they hate would reaallllly really benefit from therapy or counselling. I mean I'm no psychologist or psychiatrist, but hyper fixation on anything is a very common coping mechanism, and for that hyper fixation to be on hatred and anger? Thats very likely a manifestation of much bigger problems. I hope these people don't stay like this forever. It's so unhealthy.
honest to god same i’m not even joking its so unhealthy and scary to spend all ur free time dedicated to talking about something that makes you angry... like what kind of hole are these people trying to fill by just logging on and shit talking for hours on end
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