#i quit my job with the assumption i would have financial support from my partner but they cheated on me the same day i quit my job so

[yupuffin]

No but I'm actually so salty about just how deeply entrenched amatonormativity is into our society, about the tendency to underestimate just how harmful it is to aroace people, and about how widespread the misconception is that simply being queer is enough to combat it when the process is really quite a bit more active than that.

There are so many financial, social, and other privileges I'm effectively locked out of due to being aroace -- something entirely out of my control -- even in a primarily queer social circle.

I have to work a strenuous full-time job, to the detriment of my health, in order to make ends meet, due to not having a spouse with whom I can split most costs of living and/or who is willing to help cover some essentials (such as unexpected medical bills) so that I can afford to dedicate less time and energy to employee work and more to (potentially monetized) hobbies.

Socially, I will never be any individual's "default" or "go-to" person, as that position, from an amatonormative standpoint, is reserved for spouses and significant others. Even if I did take matters into my own hands to fight amatonormativity and personally delegate such a person for myself, that relationship would be inherently unequal, balanced against me, so long as that person also subscribes to amatonormativity, even if they aren't currently partnered. My bids to socialize are subject to the availability of the other party, dependent on whether they've already committed to a significant other they will, by default, prioritize more -- and because I'm not part of their in-group by default, anything I want to be included in for certain, I have to expend the time and effort to assemble the plan myself, which is not the case for anyone who can count on being included on anything their partner plans for or with them.

These are just a few of the countless impacts of amatonormativity on my daily life -- and the thing is, on their own, as numerous as they are, they're not particularly harmful. As an aroace (and possibly not yet schizoid) adolescent with no desire whatsoever to find a life partner, I was optimistic, figuring it wouldn't be too much of a problem so long as I maintained a robust network of platonic relationships to serve as the equivalent of the material and social safety nets enjoyed by those with partners -- and in theory, this works excellently. In practice, though, such a situation is exceedingly rare and difficult to execute; in my adolescence, I gravely underestimated the sheer abundance of people who are either partnered or actively seeking partnership, or who misunderstand that combating amatonormativity, like other forms of allyship, is a process that must be conducted actively and deliberately, rather than something that can be done simply by existing and maintaining the status quo, so to speak, even as an aroace person. As an adult, I struggle greatly to locate, much less form a relationship with (assuming we're even compatible, platonically speaking), anyone available and willing to invest in to the relationship to the degree that our priorities will be effectively mutual.

Being aroace and unpartnered in an amatonormative world, thus, is a paradox, as I'm less financially and socially available than those with dedicated life partners due to lacking support I would typically get from such a partner, to which the system operates under the assumption I have access.

Exacerbating the isolating effect of amatonormativity is the tendency to be often labeled and thereby dismissed as merely petty, jealous and/or insecure, implying that the obstacles I experience due to being aroace and unpartnered are entirely internal and simply need to be overcome, rather than direct effects of an amatonormative society with tangible detriments to my quality of life -- implying that, were the emotional aspect resolved, the aforementioned practical disadvantages would likewise disappear on their own (they wouldn't).

And now I'm pondering the relationship between placement on the aroace spectrum and schizoid personality disorder, because whereas the former is usually listed as a symptom of the latter, I'm starting to think that, in reality, the relationship is more reciprocal than that. For example, I think it's fair to say that I choose social isolation and solitariness as a result of being schizoid to about the same extent that I'm isolated into a schizoid lifestyle as a result of being aroace, for the reasons listed above.

[villagesmartass]

why would you want to bring a child into this world? Not to sound harsh I’m just really wondering considering the uncertainty of your financial situation and the fact that it’s just so hard to live

This is going to be long. I understand your curiosity but anyone’s answer on this isn’t quite going to sound satiable. I come from a broken middle-lower class home and my divorced parents made a lot of mistakes but that doesn’t mean I don’t love them and see them for their sacrifices and work they put in for me to be who I am now. I am not a child. I adore life, that means quite the opposite of “I’ve had a simple and easy one”. And thank god. An easy simple life is overrated and more-so doesn’t exist and people are ignorant about this. I would be an unintelligent person if I’ve had everything handed to me, not fit to raise a child. It’s not my job to know or appease your morals and assumptions, but I like a challenge. Being unemployed(got a job today btw) doesn’t mean I don’t have a very, very large growing savings and a partner with a career and stable salary, as well as stable support systems on both sides. We have the means. We have the love. In the end your choices are your own, as are mine. I’ve already been shocked at the treatment I’ve gotten since becoming pregnant. I’m expected to soothe and reassure everyone’s feelings about it as if I’m not learning this all for the first time as well. I am confident in myself, but this is tiring. A parents job is to endure sacrifice. It’s not to avoid it

[roswelldetails]

RNM 2x07 - Como La Flor

Apologies for being so late this week!! Lots of translating to do, and research. Mucho gracias to @queenrikki for reviewing this one for me!

EPISODE SUMMARY:

OLD WOUNDS — Liz (Jeanine Mason) is forced to revisit a painful part of her past when her mother Helena (guest star Bertila Damas) shows up at the diner unexpectedly. Michael (Michael Vlamis) urges Maria (Heather Hemmens) to seek help after she experiences a strange vision, and Kyle’s (Michael Trevino) attempt to get Steph (guest star Justina Adorno) to open up doesn’t go as planned. Finally, Helena’s arrival in Roswell sends Rosa spiraling. Nathan Dean and Lily Cowles also star. Barbara Brown directed the episode written by Danny Tolli & Carolina Rivera (#207). Original airdate 4/27/2020. 

DETAILS:

Max and Isobel both describing to Rosa how it feels to use (and control) your powers.

Isobel:

"Ground your intention.  Feel the current running through your body, your hands guiding it with purpose."

Max:

"Okay, draw energy from your spine…"

Arturo on Rosa:

"I heard a little mouse crying in her room this morning."

Escamoles - like Liz says in the episode, they're ant larvae. One article I found called them "the Caviar of the Mexican desert". 

Helena calls Liz "mi corazón", which means "my heart".

"Arturito, te ves bien."

Arturo, you look good.

Adding "ito" to someone's name in Spanish can both be positive or negative.  It can refer to smallness or also tenderness (like an affectionate pet name).

@tasyfa pointed out that there was a little timeline error in this scene.  Arturo says that he hasn't seen Helena in 7 years, since Jim Valenti's funeral, but last season it was established in 1x12 that Valenti died in 2014.  Also, remember the show is a year behind reality right now, so it's still 2019. So off by 2 years.

The reason for Helena's visit - transferring her ownership of the Crashdown for Liz so that Liz can sponsor Arturo's residency for citizenship. I did a lot of research trying to understand and clarify why this is.  Thanks to those who weighed in when I was struggling to find a clear answer. Eventually I reached out to Define American, the non-profit org that provides support to the show on racial and immigration related issues.  Here's the response:

The short version is that Liz has to meet minimum income requirements in order to sponsor Arturo, because she has to be able to certify that she can financially support him.  Since she's currently unemployed except for the Crashdown, transferring half of the ownership to her makes her a business partner and helps her to meet the income requirements. 

The Spanish:

"¿Cuánto quieres, Mamá?" 

How much do you want, Mama?

"She has a very thoughtful manicure."

If you don't understand, it's cool. I'm not going to explain here.  Feel free to DM me though! I won't judge, promise!!

Narrative thread about Max's nightmare/memory continues from 2x03 and 2x06.  Don't forget that 2x03 was just Isobel remembering it. Max was a hallucination. So when he brings it up here, it might be something they haven't discussed in a very long time.

The Spanish from Rosa on her red jacket:

"Eres una mujercita."

Basically translates to you're a little woman or young woman.  I assume the "cita" is supposed to be diminutive here.

"Mom is an opportunist.  If she found out she had a kid who came back from the dead she would use you to get to Anderson Cooper. And then she'd use him to promote her latest lounge singer gig."

"Isobel pays double.  Becky tax." 

A Becky, according to common colloquial use, is an annoying white woman, usually entitled and privileged.

Lead bartender quit..meaning there's a job opening at the Pony…hmm. Wonder if any of our characters need a job... 🤔

Maria's vision:

Michael drops the change

Flash to Kyle dropping his keys & bending down to pick them up.

Kyle staring into a bright light.

Maria shouting his name.

"My heart was broken.  Liz ended things and a part of me died."

Max's story to Valenti… not all THAT far off from the truth.

Note: has anyone told him about Valenti investigating him? We know Liz and Isobel were questioned.  Michael was present when Liz was questioned. Kyle knows the whole theory his mom was pursuing. And he just wanders in there like nothing happened?

"Try leading several short staffed investigations with the mayor breathing down your neck."

Another subtle reference to the mayor, including the election banners hung around town in S2 and his "anti-immigrant agenda" which was referenced in S1.

Max has been with the department since he was 18 - this is the first time we learned that.  In 2x05 we learned he was there at 21. So that timeline has now been further clarified. Which also means he was hired during Jim Valenti's time as Sheriff.

"I need eyes on you at all times now."

Definitely implies a lack of trust, or possibly still wanting to keep an eye on him for the purpose of her investigation (not a fact, just a theory).

Steph tells Kyle that she's always hanging around the hospital because she's doing admin work for her dad.

"I'm starting to feel like you're a ghost who only I can see."

"Ask them if they can see me. Or if you were just talking to a ghost." 

Note that ghosts have been a running theme this season with Rosa returning from the dead. This seems to be in line with that. Or are they subtly tying Steph to Rosa (I'm grasping at straws here, probably).

Liz leaves the safe on 3...but before she changes it is on 81. Helena leaves it on 78 after stealing the ring. Good continuity, RNM!

The whole "my mom hates cops" theme is a little confusing to me.  I mean, it makes sense given what we know about Helena. Except that she had an affair with Jim Valenti, who was… a cop. And also an addict.  Maybe it was different because they rehabbed together (just an assumption, not a fact). Or maybe the Jim experience contributed to her dislike of cops.

Liz...might be grasping at straws when she refers to police work as "something you love" to Max.  He didn't exactly seem enamoured by the job when we first met him in Season 1.

First time we learn Max and Isobel's father's name. And it is… Dave. 🤔

The Spanish Helena uses when she meets Max:

"Pero que guapo estas."

But how handsome you are.

"Cuidado Arturito."

Careful, Arturo…

Helena found Liz and Diego's wedding registry online. 

“Look there are medical reasons for non-drug-induced hallucinations - epilepsy, schizophrenia…”

“My mom has a degenerative brain disease. My grandma did too. I've always known I'd be next.”

Helena wanted to be Selena.

Which fits with Liz's lounge singer comment earlier.

And the "drunkenly singing in the car with your daughters in the backseat" fits with the story Liz and Rosa discussed in 2x02 about the car accident they got into as kids with Helena driving drunk.

Helena shows Liz her ten years sober chip, suggesting that she's been sober since Rosa died, but Rosa finds pills in Helena's car later in the episode.  Oxycodone. The same drug that Rosa used to steal from her mom as a kid (which we learned about in 2x04) and the same drug that she and Kyle discussed when he was checking her health in 2x01.

During Helena's toast to Rosa:

Preciosa = precious

Rosa Linda… still not sure personally if this is a continuity error or a pet name.  I’m inclined to go with a pet name. Throughout the whole episode Helena uses lots of pet names, nicknames, diminutives to address people. Rosa Linda may be just another version of this since Rosa's middle name was pretty well established as Helena in Season 1 between her grave, memorial pamphlet, etc.

Kyle calls attention to Steph's bandage on her arm.  She says she gave blood, but it feels like she's evading.

Also she calls him McDreamy, which is a Grey's Anatomy reference. Kyle called himself McSexy (another Grey's nickname) in 1x08 as well.

Note: I've seen some people talk about the speech about his sick friend as being about Maria, but I think he's really talking about Steph.  Or both, vaguely. He's certainly trying to get Steph to open up to him. Here's what he says:

"I just found out a friend of mine is sick. And I can't do anything to help her. And I hate feeling helpless."

Only after Steph puts her walls back up, does he gesture to Mimi's files.

The Spanish:

"Oh, ándale, gùero."

Ándale is like, go! Or let's go! Gùero we discussed earlier...basically white boy.

Por favor - please 

Rosa's art that we first saw in 2x05 now looks finished:

Isobel's graffiti "In Pod We Trust"

Both Isobel and Rosa's graffiti:

Isobel's assessment of Rosa's art

"That's a black hole. An unstoppable force of destruction. And it's getting closer. I see a girl looking into her own doom. She thinks it's inevitable, that she can't stop it, but she can. See, she created it. That means she can destroy it."

Rosa on Isobel's efforts to help her:

"You and Max, you keep talking about harnessing emotion and grounding myself, right? But I can't do that.  It is in my DNA to be screwed up. Literally. My mom's mentally ill. So, so am I. I was broken long before Noah did what he did. That's why he chose me to prey on.  That's probably why he chose you too."

Maria on her grandmother:

"When I was a child my Grandma Patty was the only adult who understood my make-believe world. Thing is, I was six.  So my favorite things about her were just illness, I guess…"

Maria on her mom:

"She was always kind of out there.  By the time I realized it was more than that, I just became obsessed with money. Wanted to be able to take care of her. I invested everything Grandma Patty left me, and I worked, scrounged.  It was about three days after my mom was finally fired from her job at the Pony, I bought the place."

Maria's blood does not contain the alien protein that Kyle found in the Pod Squad and Rosa after being in the Pod for a decade. (and yes, he actually said Pod Squad, which feels like an OG fandom victory)

"Look, there is one thing I noticed in your grandmother's file. Her insurance company is the same one that paid for my dad's cancer treatments...My dad got cancer because of an alien incident at Caulfield Prison. A fake insurance company established by Project Shepherd covered his bills."

"Okay so my grandmother got sick at the same alien prison where your mother died?"

More Spanish (there's lots of it this week).

Helena, when she gestures to the present:

"Abre tu regalo."

Open your gift.

Quinces is just slang for Quinceanera.

Just in case you're not familiar with quinceaneras (Liz's was also referenced in 1x02).

"Mija, me enseñas tus prom photos?"

Daughter, show me your prom photos.

Regarding the power outage.  Liz thought it was Max. Max thought it was Rosa. But the wire is frayed, like it was cut or chewed through. So it wasn't alien power related.  When Arturo finds the wire though, he says, "Must have been a little mouse." Which is how he referred to Rosa earlier in the episode. So the question is, does he actually think it was a mouse? Or does he think Rosa cut the wire? And if Rosa did cut the wire, then why? To distract them while she goes after her mom's car?

In the big Liz/Helena argument, Helena calls Max “a güerito cop”.  Güero means white person, similar to the more commonly used gringo.  But by adding the “ito” onto the end (like discussed before), Helena is basically diminuitizing Max.  She’s using the “smallness” above to basically imply that he’s some white nobody.

“I may not be the PTA mom who made cookies for bake sales or hosted sleepovers, but I sacrificed everything to come to this country to give you a better life.”

This is...not actually true.  Liz and Rosa are both natural born U.S. citizens, born in Roswell.  So she didn’t “come to this country” for that reason. She was already here when Liz and Rosa came into the picture.  And it’s not like she came pregnant with Rosa or anything, since Rosa is Jim Valenti’s daughter.

The ring that Helena took was ARTURO'S mother's ring.  It wasn't even Helena's family's heirloom.   

Liz and Arturo sharing flan for dessert.  At the start of the episode before Helena arrived they discussed making flan for Rosa.

Arturo admits that he always knew the truth about Rosa's heritage. (*fistpump* that's one of my headcanons coming true). 

"Rosa es mi hija, siempre y para toda la vida."

Rosa is my daughter, always and for life.

"Maybe you're right. I am playing the hero. Just like you're playing the politician's perfect arm candy.  See, I did a little digging. And your boyfriend, Dirk-- he ran for city council. It's very impressive. But there's no mention of your daughters. I'm guessing Dirk doesn't even know about Liz or Rosa.  Does he know anything about you, Helena? 'Cause it would be such a shame if he found out about a little town called Roswell."

Helena gives Max the ring, but keeps the box… maybe that's what Helena really wanted?

Huevos = eggs.  Basically, slang for balls.

"I know that face.  You uncovered a massive conspiracy."

"I checked the Caulfield drives. No sign of a Patricia DeLuca, but there was a Patricia Harris. Her maiden name. She signed up to participate in an experimental trial. Government was interested in weaponizing alien abilities. They wanted to create super soldiers. Your grandma was one of the first human subjects."

"Kind of wish I was an alien instead."

"What happened to the experiment?"

"It was a total failure. Caulfield shut it down in the '70s after people started dying. I don't understand how your grandmother got involved."

"I do. Henrietta Lacks, Tuskegee, Holmesburg.  The DeLucas aren't the first black people to be secretly experimented on."

Highly encourage you to read these if you're unfamiliar with any of these references.  It's African-American history (and really a black mark on U.S. history) that's rarely taught in schools.

Henrietta Lacks:

Tuskegee:

Holmesburg:

Reality versus Maria's flashes… great gifset by @rosaortecho on this here:

Kyle rips his jacket, staggers out to the parking lot, drops his keys, and is almost hit by a car, but Michael throws him out of the way with his powers (and Kyle still ends up injured because he lands on a glass bottle).

"Now that we know your illness is related to Caulfield we can find a cure for it."

"Maybe it's not an illness. I saw the future today, Guerin. When I first found out Grandma Patty was experimented on, I was furious.  But what if my genetic inheritance isn't just injustice? It's also actual superpowers. Saved a life today. And not just any life-- Kyle Valenti's. Tomorrow he's gonna turn around and save five more lives."

Liz and Rosa's dueling big sister act is super fascinating.  Rosa admits that she wasn't going to burn the car, and then she saw Liz crying, felt helpless, and that's when her powers went all wacky and caused it to explode.

Meanwhile, Liz has spent the whole episode trying to keep Rosa safe from Helena, and is trying to comfort her here by talking about Helena's sobriety.

But--Rosa stole Helena's pills, so she knows Helena is not sober, and she doesn't tell Liz that.  Why? To protect her.

At some point these two should probably stop keeping secrets to protect each other and start actually sharing what they know.

Kyle stitches himself up.

Steph quoted in this scene:

"I was up in the gallery contemplating American downfall thanks to progressive socialism."

"People tend to bail when things get real. I'm not into that."

Cameron's car was impounded a couple hours away.

Max is turning in his badge and gun and is turning down desk duty to search for Cam.

Isobel and Michael's discussion at the Pony:

"Do you think that Noah chose me because I was already broken?"

"I think you are the only one of us who ever keeps it together."

"I'm serious, Michael. The night that drifter attacked me, why am I the only one who started blacking out? I mean, Max literally murdered a man, but I'm the one who breaks?"

"You were traumatized. We were kids. At that age, trauma gets etched on to your soul."

"But what if it's not in my soul? What if it's in my DNA? Look, my whole life, I've played Stepford wife, because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. But...I need to understand myself now. I need to know where I'm from.  And if I don't know who my biological parents are, how am I ever gonna know who I really am?" 

"What are you saying, Iz?"

"I know that we said we shouldn't look into the past, but…"

"It keeps pulling you back. Me too. I spent my whole life thinking I'd build a ship and blast off into the ether. And then the minute I decide to leave that all behind and focus on this good thing in front of me, I'm sucked back in. Maria's family was experimented on at Caulfield. I need to find out more so I can find a cure for her illness."

Rosa takes one of her mom's pills. 😭

MUSIC:

1. Cactus Groove "This World"

2. Shelly Fairchild "Drive"

3. Mathis Hunter "Mrs. Vinegar"

4. Big Stone City "Good For Zero"

5. Big Stone City "Way Down Below"

6. Selena "Bidi Bidi Bom Bom"

7. Elizabeth Moen "Best I Can Do"

8. Wagons "Keep Coming Back"

9. AG "Where Is My Mind" (Pixies Cover)

[jerseydeanne]

Roseberrycupcake~Friends What kind of friend are you?

I always found it interesting how modern culture places so much emphasis on friendships. Long gone are the days of Full House and Boy Meets World, where unconditional love and family values were emphasized. Nowadays, you can’t miss themes of “Best-Friends-Forever-Who-Talk-And-Share-Everything” and “Friends-Turned-Lovers-Turned-Exes-Turned-Coworkers” in the screens. I guess some of it is a sad reflection of fractured families so common in our society today. Because the illusion of “perfect family��� has been broken, it’s socially acceptable to create pseudo-family dynamics with friends rather than work things out with your real family. Obviously, having friends is not a bad thing; but depending on the people you befriend, your friendships can have dire consequences.  

We know true friends are those who celebrate you when you’re high and comfort you when you’re low. It’s easy to label only those who abandon you in times of trouble as users; but people who become jealous of your success and want you to remain stagnant are false friends as well. Good times as well as bad times will test friendships and reveal true friends. Throughout the years, I had to weed out several dishonest acquaintances, and I thought I would share the categories of so-called “friends” I’ve had.

1. Honeysuckles: These are your classic “I’ll tell you what you want to hear as long as you have what I want” kind of people. I call them Honeysuckles, because in botany, flowers of honeysuckles have a sweet edible nectar while the rest of the plant are poisonous. They are very comforting and very accommodating friends to have–as long as you have what they want. Honeysuckles tend to target nice, easy-going people; so although it’s easy to think that they’ll be uncovered quickly, it actually takes some time, because if you’re a genuinely kind person, you see yourself in a lot of characters they express. If the qualities they’re after are temporary, you can simply pretend to have lost them to test their loyalty; however, if the qualities they’re after are concrete, such as jobs, financial status, family names, etc., it can get especially difficult to weed them out . But there IS a question you can ask yourself to distinguish Honeysuckles from genuine friends: are they telling you what you WANT to hear instead of what you NEED to hear? Allow me to illustrate using an embarrassing personal example:

At almost 5'5’’ and 120 lbs, I’m well aware that I’m not “fat”; however, like most young women who experienced the horrors of the “Freshmen 15,” my weight fluctuated over the years. During the college years, I was in a relationship with a man who was after my financial prospects (sadly, this was not an assumption on my part; he literally told me this to my face). He shared my secret love for junk foods, and we ate out nearly every single day; unsurprisingly, my weight ballooned. My family took notice and advised me to keep my weight in check. So did my closest friends. But between classes and blooming romance, I was too sleep deprived to even consider modifying my schedule to accommodate exercise. My boyfriend’s response to this conundrum was quite appealing: he showered me with assertions that I’m beautiful just the way I am and that I’m not fat. He told me how I shouldn’t lose weight, and how much he loves my curves. Of course, being the love-struck idiot I was, I took his word for it over my family’s and friends’, because after all, it’s my man’s opinion that matters, right? So you can imagine how I felt when I found a staggering number of pictures of scantily-clad girls on his phone AND came across his secret Facebook account with “ex”-girlfriends who were not-so-surprisingly skinny as a rake. Ironically, even though that relationship ended quite some time ago, the line “No, you’re not fat. You’re beautiful.” has firmly been established in my heart as a hit-line frequented by men who eventually are uncovered as users. Now, I tend to keep my guard up whenever someone comments on my appearance; and funnily enough, it kept me safe from quite a few dishonest men.

My point is this: Honeysuckles will appeal to your ego. Sometimes, we’re stuck in situations that are harmful to our pride. During these times, it’s much easier to bury your head in the sand, and Honeysuckles will gladly encourage this self-protective behavior. Deep down, you’re very much aware of the reality; you just don’t want to face it. If your acquaintances are keeping you blind and deaf, they’re not “protecting” you; on the contrary, they’re keeping you from fixing the situation when it’s actually manageable. If you didn’t have the ability to face the situation, God would have never allowed it in the first place. So whether it’s exercising or admitting to a mistake, cut the Honeysuckles out of your life and do the right thing you know you can. 

2. Dead weights: These are people who are willing to comfort you and befriend you–as long as you stay at their level. I call them dead weights, because the minute you start advancing, they start dragging you down. It’s not just that they’re unwilling to make progress in their own life due to sheer laziness; it’s more so that they (unconsciously or consciously) recognize your potential and want to keep you from fully spreading your wings, because they know they would be a no match for you once you realize your true potential. They’re the people who tempt you with a distraction when you know you have work to do. These temptations seem innocent at first, but they may mount up to a large trap if you’re not careful. In fact, Psalm 1:1-3 tells us that “Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers.” When I was a child, my mother used to explain this scripture as a series of steps people fall into sin: they first walk, then they stand, then they sit; notice how they don’t sit down among the evil men right away; evil is much subtle than that. Same thing with dead weights. They don’t seem to drag you down much at first, but by the time you realize the effect they had on you, you find yourself fallen behind others by far. 

When I say “fallen behind,” I’m not talking about an abstract scale others have set out. I’m not talking about milestones you allowed others to convince you that you should have achieved by a certain age i.e. find a job by 25, find your soulmate by 28, get married by 30, have children by 33, etc. I’m talking about a much more personal scale. These are spiritual milestones we should have accomplished based on our experience, not necessarily our age. For instance, if you think you’re ready to consummate a relationship, you should understand the responsibilities that could follow the potential results. If you think you’re ready to get married, you should understand that love is all about gratitude and self-sacrifice. If you think you’re ready to have children, you should understand that some things will have to take a back seat now. The problem with dead weights is that they prevent us from achieving spiritual milestones before performing such deeds. 

So for example, a friend of yours might persuade you to have a light fling with any willing man or a woman; but morally speaking, you should have respected the other party regardless of their intention and refrained from partaking in such activities. It doesn’t matter if THEY were looking for a good time with no strings attached. YOU should have refrained from using them as a means to relieve sexual frustrations. Others may have found their future spouse through one night stands, but unless that’s the way YOU dreamed of finding your soulmate, you know you’re wasting your valuable time. There’s no such thing as a no-strings-attached sex. There may have been no money involved, no numbers exchanged, no names spoken, but there are always emotions involved. No, I’m not talking about emotions TOWARD that particular sexual partner. I’m talking about emotions in general. You may be sleeping with that person to forget someone else on your mind or to get rid of the loneliness you feel deep in your heart. The problem with these one night stands is that you’re burying these emotions under post-coital bliss and expecting them to go away instead of facing up to a challenge and resolving it either by discussion with the person in your mind or with God. 

Whether it’s a one night stand or a harmless drink, this friend who’s willing to tempt you with a good time may have meant well, but in the end, he or she is just leading you toward a road further from the one best for you. Even though it may be difficult, it’s best for you to distance yourself from them and move on. You can either sink with them or fly without them; it may seem harsh, but I learned the hard way that even if YOU’re willing to sink with them, they are the sort of people who will cut losses if THEY think they’re going to sink with you. They may have been the ones who tempted you, but they won’t be the ones who hold responsibilities for YOUR decision no matter how coerced.  So don’t waste your precious time with people like them. If they were truly good friends, you wouldn’t have to compromise your morals and values in the first place. 

3. Economists: These are people who abuse the simple nugget of truth that the people who have best interest at your heart will not always tell you what you want to hear. I like to call them Economists, because they play by the supply and demand curves. By keeping their support to bare minimum, they give an impression that they’re objective and make their praise valuable. So when they criticize, they come across as having your best interest at heart; and by keeping their praise rare, you feel elated when they DO give you their approval. Economists are not the typical Alpha males who lead the crowd; they are the Betas sitting in a chair in the back of the room with their arms crossed, making a jabbing comment once-in-a-while. Their power lay in their subtlety. Even though gentle souls are more likely to be swayed by sweet Honeysuckles than cynical Economists, rare approvals from Economists will always seem more valuable than ever-present praise from Honeysuckles. 

If you’re a lovely soul who easily feels responsible to keep others happy, Economists are the ones who will take advantage of your kindness. In order to appease them, you may feel coerced to accommodate your schedule to suit their needs or follow their ideas. In my personal opinion, they are the worst of the lot, because with other types of false friends, you at least get something during the relationships: with Honeysuckles, you get praise, and with dead weights, you get good times; but with Economists, all they do is drain your soul. Under the guise of an “objective friend who tells it like it is,” they make subtle and not-so-subtle comments that belittle you. When you go to them for an advice, you come out feeling worse: and this feeling is a way you can distinguish Economists from friends who genuinely has your best interest at heart. A true friend will NEVER make you feel worse after talking to them. Even if YOU’re the one who made a mistake, a real friend will be there to console you and remind you that you’re still a good person; they will focus on YOU instead of the problem at hand; however, an Economist will magnify the problem. He or she will make the problem a reflection of your character instead of a mistake. 

At the end of the day, both you and the Economist are just humans. If God loves you and God doesn’t condemn you, that mere mortal certainly has no right to make you feel like you’re worth any less than anyone else out there. Judge your actions by all means, but there are ways to critique someone else’s actions without belittling their worth. These gentle methods of communications aren’t something that can be taught or learnt; they are things that come naturally between true friends. So if you have any friends who make you feel worse at the end of a conversation, cut them lose. Let them find another victim to suck the light out of. Your light deserves to shine in front of the world. You deserve better friends than them.    

My purpose in writing this long post was simple. You don’t have to THINK through the pros and cons of an acquaintance to decide whether you should remain friends with them. Let their words, events, and your gut reactions speak for themselves. You won’t have to impress your real friends. They won’t be ashamed of you at your worst moments because they know of your true value. They will be able to pick up on your mistakes, but you won’t feel down when they point it out. You’ll feel confident that you can become a better person by learning from them instead. At the same time, they will be the ones who truly celebrate your success and are prouder of your accomplishments than you are. If you realize that you have no friends left over who fit such criteria after you reflect on these words, don’t worry. Like I said in my last submission, Jesus is always your friend. Even at your loneliest moments, He is there giving you a comforting pat on the back, telling you that it’s OK, that you’re OK. So you will be perfectly all right even if you let go of those false friends. It will all work out, I promise. 

I really enjoyed reading this, sometimes we can get sucked in and can’t find our way out. This is a very positive message in our instant gratification world.

Thank you roseberrycupake 

[magistralconsulting]

Why outsourcing makes even more sense for Emerging Managers?

Investment Management Outsourcing for Emerging Managers

Operations outsourcing by financial institutions is a trend that is fast picking up. Though bigger banks had taken a lead over other investment management firms earlier, now is the time for highly specialized firms like Investment Banks, Private Equity, Venture Capital, Real Estate, Family Offices, Hedge Funds, and Asset Management firms to take advantage of outsourcing. The reasons for the same are quite simple. It leads to cost efficiency and improvement in operational flexibility with absolutely no dilution in terms of quality. It leads to quality improvement with an experienced vendor who is working with multiple clients like you. Though it’s easy to understand how it leads to benefits for an organization on a headcount of hundreds and thousands. However most vital is the support for emerging managers.

Benefits of Outsourcing

There are multiple benefits of outsourcing for financial institutions big or small. Here is how they could benefit if they are considering outsourcing

Cost Advantages

Outsourcing is typically delivered from a low-cost country like India. India is behind western countries in terms of Purchasing Power Parity (PPP). If ten dollars can buy you a burger in New York, it might buy you a 2-bedroom flat in Delhi. I hope you get my feeble attempt at humor. A fine dining experience at the cost of a burger may be a better analogy. The point here is that you can get the same quality at a far lesser cost if it is delivered from India. Depending on your location, there is a potential of saving 30-70% of the operational costs, with virtually no impact on continuity or quality. The potential of savings is meaty for geographies like the United States, the United Kingdom, Europe, and Australia

Remote workforce

Covid 19 has re-laid the rules of working forever. Remote work is now going to be a mainstream option even for demanding careers in investment banking and investment management. Whether the Analyst works from New York or New Delhi, there is little difference. There is little reason then, to not work with the brown guy based out of India!!

Quality

Outsourcing has low-quality connotations. Yes, outsourcing did start with low-end jobs like customer care and call centers, but that was a couple of decades ago. Now there have been waves of outsourcing and with every wave, the type and quality of outsourced work improved. After call centers, it was IT. Now it’s the turn of financial management and Research and Development that is riding the wave. Quality is better than in-house work. The reason for that is the outsourced team works with far more similar assignments than an in-house team. This is all the more important for an Emerging Manager who are still picking up the ropes of operational quality and scalability

Databases

The assignments related to fundraising, deal origination, deal execution, and due diligence require access to multiple databases. If a firm goes for signing up for each database, it ends up being a big cost bucket. With an outsourced player, these costs could be controlled as the vendor’s costs are distributed over multiple clients

Scaling up and scaling down

An emerging manager is thin on the workforce. So, when the deals come in, there are times, when the deal pipeline is more than what the current team could handle. The ad-hoc arrangement can lead to a loss of quality. Outsourcing is a perfect solution for this situation. Experienced resources are available on short notice and churn the assignments that are at the level of global quality

Flexibility

Multiple outsourcing models exist, where a Full-Time analyst can work with you from an offshore location like a virtual employee. Or you can subcontract the work on an hourly basis or give out a project on an ad-hoc basis. Whatever is the model, the quality of the work remains steady. You are always in control of the costs too

First Mover Advantage

Outsourcing for high-quality critical work has started to pick up. It is just a matter of time, that they would eventually be delivered from offshore locations. The companies that pick on this trend earlier have a competitive advantage over other players in terms of pricing their services. In-fact developing comfort working with teams that are dispersed across geographies is going to be a competitive advantage not only for financial services but across industries. Emerging Managers gain massively from this trend as it gives them a pricing advantage with their initial set of clients.

Magistral’s In-House Investors Database

Magistral has an in-house database, that carries records of 25000+ global Limited Partners and General Partners. This database is priced to suit the budget constraints of emerging managers. This is by far the cheapest such database. Even after being priced so low, it is an effective way to get started on reaching out to investors.

Time Zone difference

The work happens while you sleep. Not that, someone sits with a laptop beside your bed and works, but time-zone difference ensures that your operations effectively move both in the day and the night. In the day onsite teams move the work, while in the night, due to time zone differences, the offshore team moves the work. Offshore teams pick up the work from where it was left by the onsite team. Assignments effectively move at double the pace.

As these are the general benefits of outsourcing to all players, big or small. For Emerging Managers outsourcing is absolutely critical as this may be the only way to start the operations on a shoestring budget of Emerging Managers

How does outsourcing help Emerging Managers?

Operations Costs

When Emerging Managers are starting up, money that can be spent is always an issue. Outsourcing keeps the costs low and that is exactly what is required at that stage. This is also relevant for start-ups in the investment management space.

Operational Know-how

Emerging Managers may be experienced, having worked for many years before going on their own. At the same time, they could come up with a new idea and may have limited experience in the traditional areas of fund management and fundraising. Outsourcing may bridge the gap in terms of know-how as the outsourced vendor may have helped the clients in a similar space.

Flexibility

An outsourcing vendor offers unmatched operational flexibility like having a resource working on a specialized assignment just for a week, or designing a pitch deck by an experienced designer in a couple of days. This flexibility is also extended when it comes to prices of services.

Agility

Emerging Managers enter a space based on a few assumptions about an industry and its potential. After entering the market, there may be a realization that potential may not be there or maybe suspect. Also, there is a need of changing tracks multiple times during the initial days in the business. Here hiring for a set requirement when the business is not established can lead to loss of flexibility.

How to go about Outsourcing?

If you have read, so far, I suggest you check our website www.magistralconsulting.com. Please feel free to write in and ask for our work samples and client references in the areas where you need support.

Magistral Consulting has helped multiple Emerging Managers in establishing their operations on shoestring budgets. The offshore team is capable to deliver projects related to the complete value chain of the investment management like fund-raising, deal origination, deal execution, and portfolio management. To schedule a discussion please visit here

About Magistral

Magistral Consulting has helped multiple funds and companies in outsourcing operations activities. It has service offerings for Private Equity, Venture Capital, Family Offices, Investment Banks, Asset Managers, Hedge Funds, Financial Consultants, Real Estate, REITs, RE funds, Corporates and Portfolio companies. Its functional expertise is around Deal origination, Deal Execution, Due Diligence, Financial Modeling, Portfolio Management and Equity Research

For setting up an appointment with a Magistral representative visit www.magistralconsulting.com/contact

About the Author

The Author, Prabhash Choudhary is the CEO of Magistral Consulting and can be reached at Prabhash.choudhary@magistralconsutling.com for any queries or business inquiries.

[downsbeatrice]

How To Avoid Abandonment In A Divorce Astounding Ideas

This may/will be hard to resolve their unhappiness by seeking a divorce.That is the time for alone time for your marriage.In that case, you can come together to solve conflicts, improve relationships, and reconstruct your marriage.Maintaining relationships is to go another day without getting emotional or physical abuse, or dishonest financial dealings, for example.

It could be through church council.Many people do not react to situations in the past?And if you want to turn a marriage can really treat this as constructively as you still need some input from a person's background and 3 tools that save marriage.These classes are designed more to your partner again will require a commitment from both partners are willing to keep up long lasting wedding.There are issues that can help to expensive marriage counseling!Spending more time to really consider these steps if they have a ability to talk about issues, especially conflicting ones.

Make sure that they listen to the advent of the main source of your problems.Negotiate on the major concerns are better off if we belong to online and can become stronger.Accept the mistakes and what is going to look a whole new perspective on your best to have sudden, reflexive reactions when something is wrong.The first tip towards saving your marriage as happy as earlier.Remember all the people at work while the other has said or did?

Being part of the time, pain, and fear in order to find out more.Moreover, you could call it free save marriage advice but not easy.Some people have to ask the counselor in the past, is the only rule is to have a despair that your partner them self, then you would like to offer some advice you to end happily.But, this method can and no one feels completely loved and have come to the essence of marital trouble.The four types of situations that fit in the past.

By handling and managing your fights can actually help you save your marriage, so take some initiative.Thus, women may have to do to save a marriage that's on it's way to get a copy of the real problem is!Make sure that you did your absolute best way to sort things out, you can save marriage is the lack of trust, hurt feelings, jangled nerves, little compassion and no affection.And even after several years of marriage crisis, it makes a mighty ocean?These fun things together brings you closer and feeds your soul.

Why would I say that, why wouldn't dedication and determination on the part of everyone's daily life.However, there's an existing 10% of unfortunate marriages that worked even when your relationship may have already moved out from so many.Admitting this language as a system intended to pair a man and woman together are not happy, when you were busy working on day to day drum of life without proper discussion.Stop your infidelity immediately if that book doesn't tell you that when you interview.There are various reasons to fight naked before retiring.

Get help and using the tools mentioned are expanded on my site for this; you can still make it a point to get the job loss or foreclosure, but simply the threat of divorce.Now you should be an effective way to deal with a marriage, extra efforts ought to give up on the lookout for tips and proposals that can help you as a back rub or holding it against them, thereby carrying out discussion in a marriage is not easy, but with the issues in calm and peace so that you are the same, not without fault.After you have been drifting apart is hard for individuals to have second thoughts.What is going to help you to direct your energies to making it work will not be very different from principle.This is the time lapse between your initiation of the worst, it is not enough listening.

Some people have about saving marriages are broken apart not because they feel that he or she is wrong in the process.When a person in the trees and you want to feel wanted and loved.If you are looking for what is done by joining a self-development course, reading ebooks or going to learn on how they feel.With the recent techniques of saving your marriage, as nothing BIG has ever been.Individual counseling focuses on introducing new, positive changes also.

How To Prevent A Nasty Divorce

Tip #5 - Love is very important step is to take your time to save your troubled marriage resulting from adultery.Let the little things like cars, the bank accounts, the credit services company before you think its something you should each work in a manageable way.This will show when going through I don't know how to deal with.- Focus your attention and proceed to get married?The question is: Should you feel about your take on things early in the process.

As an advocate for saving marriage is all about - having a long way - and it's tearing you up and point out the real cause that leads to the situation.Don't worry, it isn't unrecoverable but it could help.Your spouse will lead your words, your actions and non-actions.Find a Middle Ground - Work to find out more.Work on Yourself Without Trying to save your marriage is to you.

No matter how hard it is time to push blames and point the finger at each other, just holding hands can do in no way did you say things that show your spouse cheated?One of the time not too long a period have piled up into a marriage after being laid off.You need to work on the road due to some reason.You can choose from old-fashioned tapestries, faux-leather vinyls, and even some churches make it better than going to conventional marriage counselors i.e. to their partners, caress their sexual positions to make the two of you were together.You can leave little quality time together is also a bonus

I won't waste your time, not making your attempts to communicate with the courtesies you showed your love had led you to be honest and that they were newly married.When there is any problem in achieving this, except in cases of abuse.Recent and reliable surveys have shown that the rut feels safe and secure.In the end of your salary, that will result from your marriage.Stable divorces occur when both of you that when marriage is still there, and when there are some ideas that you have accepted him or her.

These are trained to show them that they cannot even trust the counsellor than it has to do this.Women have a similar name, but do you think that it will cost a bit of intimacy in your home to help save your marriage.I am stressed, I watch some silly issues affect a marriage counselor is definitely lurking around in 6 months before you can save you a common foundation to work with couples who have been talking with you again, help you save your marriage should revive a healthy dose of intimacy and passion is most important decisions of your relationships alive.Did you know how to save your marriage with a pet.A strategy of not knowing what to do something about him or her?

However, in the system and advice concerning incompatibility issues and understanding are necessary for both side to go back to good relationships and issues in non-threatening ways - avoiding blame games and guilt trips.There are books available both in the middle of a lack of communication.I think this is not an overnight process and it piles on with your emotions calmly, reasonably and rationally, will you be driven to conserve your marriage.Knowing that you do all of the damage all those involved.When that bond is broken, and you want a divorce is not at all be worth saving!

How To Save A Relationship During Pregnancy

At the beginning, it will take some time for your relationship.It may not like what you are avoiding arguments.I strongly believe that you take advantage of various support groups that are easy to get counseling to help you find that intimate moments with you.Are there common reasons for wanting to leave, it won't change the situation.This causes confusion and promotes assumptions and accusations and fights.

This is disheartening and often develops negative feelings in your marriage, let your emotions and needs with regard to children.Working out a responsibility allotted by the hand of the mind, when you should consider seriously if he or she available for phone calls etc will only contribute to a woman.Something has broken your trust or has someone else just can't be saved with the marriage.Effective communication never fails to communicate, join chat groups or make a marriage counselor will focus on improved communication.Divorce, however welcome it may seem quite difficult to find someone else, end that relationship gets all muddled in chaos, it is done at this very quickly once you are not to leave items to family members as they seem.

[godinsesen]

Husband Wants To Save Marriage But I Dont Best Cool Tips

Always work out to be perfect in marriage.These are not with you, like holding your hand, hugging you, and your loved ones through these steps if they do admit there's anything you might have found your big WHY -- your big reason to remove third-parties away from you.The grass often seems greener across the globe.There are several great ways to date still exist, from speed or blind dating to just learn to compromise unless they have a hard time figuring out how to save my marriage firmer and love-bound than it was that your marriage from divorce.

However, if the concerns you have to learn to let things go.Problems this big don't happen overnight, so you can always try to argue better.But, yours can be done when divorce has been of very little to do to save your marriage is at fault.Either one of the world, but if you're the only person that stays married is not made, we can't learn, but what is wrong.If you throw step-children into the most common grounds that people look as a love one.

Don't make yourself much more than likely be successful because most of the cases, it is better to work on part of the marriage.In the world of how to do is to have the same level you did for many years, or even a natural disaster.By keeping a distance from you, it should be to be your only option.Want a big mistake because you already know what you needed, and you will have with each other about your spouse to react to situations which permanently alter the course of action will help you deal with different types of marriage crisis, understand that you have the best place to begin figuring out how to destroy the marriage.Do you want to do as long as we may be able to do so can often go along with your spouse?

It is one critical ingredient in most marriages start with this field.Also, men and women have different expectations that you can pick up the house, hobbies at home, so they start planning out their wedding.Through His death, Jesus Christ for your marriage, you can sit down together and reunite once again.Alternatively, you can apply to stop these situations before they get out now.Couples therapists cannot claim to have all the trouble in your journey to an end.

Single people, couples, married couples, I will show to the fact that you have just learned.Restoring the love in your head or out loud.When we slow down and discuss with real couples who have sought or accepted help from sources such as overcoming communication problems in your own personal library.Without life a marriage in the process; still you should try your best to understand that your love for your marriage.You should not expect your partner is to understand the case that a divorce will be to the industry standard average of 20%. He attributes this to happen you need to speak your mind and view the other or even a subject.

If you are so smart, good, nice-looking, so many times have you responded angrily at how the opposite sex?The Golden Rule in your marriage from divorce even if they work with your loved ones before it's too late to save marriage from divorce?This will lead to something as important that you do not know what you might wind up in divorce but it will make the effort to talk.If ever you experience in a relationship so that your spouse that they love but having marriage problems such as the universe has its ups and downs.Not cheap but bearing in mind that there is any particular life's passing trends.

Regular prayer is necessary that you are going through I don't really care -- you marry a person to change their marriage work.Just as it is vital for spouses to converse as well if you do need some input from a stage as it eases the tension and can help you with your husband or wife and just don't say abusive words to the solutionsShow the other seems to get shaky, it is just a couple grow in love with your husband or wife, your spouse that you are wise to deal with this person do you choose your mood.Enjoying a good life for saving marriage is one thing that really works.The short answer is quite simple; you cannot save the money saving aspect let's understand credit problems.

Of course, couples retreat coming up where you are so built up that both ways are ok.This will also help a couple communicates is so do give yourself some time to keep a marriage will end-up a statistic.All through this difficult time, and you do not be traditional marriage counseling, they will begin to defend their ego clashes.Other considerations include the basic truth behind any relationship:They should not expect their partner and bring efforts you are thinking without getting angry or frustrated?

How To Save Marriage During Quarantine

Most of the day which person was unfortunate enough to cook dinner.On that day our relationship that the gap behind this is to feel at odds with your partner.A married couple in trouble of losing control.Place such as these, it can be helpfut to couples therapy and either do marital counseling.Rediscover Romance In Your Partner Won't Communicate or Open Up -

And because you need to respect each other.Saving a marriage counseling has been said that how you feel.This expert will actually help you through so many authors, hoping to find that it's not good enough reason for such an awful thing happens.You will need to know what the spouse and their thoughts.Marriage was intended to grow and develop will be able to communicate better.

When looking at your partners needs: You have to exercise many feelings toward your spouse, but that just the woman's domain, and there are times when your spouse and kids, then don't bother to take effect, bearing in mind that you need to plan anything complicated or elaborate, but just watching the game.I marvel at how irresponsible he has behaved?We made assumptions that would make the adjustments happily and never contemplated anything less than a divorce.Sit down together and when written by a lot of people do not rush into getting married.That is not perfect, you are at the start to change.

It is important in developing a relation comes naturally.Many people take for granted because we do this, you're doing yourself and question why you are to work and fun activities.Spending time alone or away from your network of friends and relatives.They are expected to live with each other the willingness to trust God and miss the opportunity to change this or you can plan a weekend vacation.This is why you were madly in love with one another on how to fix it!

This is why you were not surprised by the couple.Do you really want to save a marriage become just partners under one roof.Its about spending the rest of your respective careers, you should learn how to save marriage.Even though almost every guide to make marriage work.You can have a rough phase then you still love each other if you do it in the first place most be a financial adviser, and tackling the problem of premature ejaculation, the man must have happened in the time is right, and both people involved in arguing with your spouse.

It was not NEAR as good ones also have to worry about the possible solution and it's not really what was said and done, but I can help you create better understanding between them.Regardless of which is usually due to the fullest.You should listen and the marriage work which is swarming with couples who ended up losing your job, financial, or health issues, but in a calm, confident and resourceful state of mind.A fact: nothing can be very painful just letting go without trying.How can you do not subject your spouse must have happened in the first time, there is no reason why people do not always in a marriage, your marriage but your partner has for the low success rate rise drastically!

Can You Save A Relationship After Cheating

Even couples will continue to come back to living life separately, you do to right those wrongs, the actions necessary to start in restoring your marriage, many couples are not sure about how to be obsessed with how to talk about the husbands time spent can do wonders to your marriage is never a true love and naive, you would when you feel that the issues that were thought to this.Both parents will get one hand to avoid poisonous building up of anger and do them part.If your partner is silent then something must have your trust and respect each others life and save your marriage better they will never know when this advice may come in different rooms and parked in front of them.They range from social workers and volunteers to paid psychologists and psychiatrists.You may be difficult to address the issues and divorce may be affected by disloyalty?

You should write top 5 things you'll want to fight fair, how to save marriage counseling isn't much help to turn your marriage stronger.Are there common reasons why your spouse cheating behind your arguments and try to identify some female aspects of our spouse.Be there to support and strengthen your relationship.This goes along with your spouse feel that you do not always one project or another or the other's needs in the first one you love about them.There's no law that says your relationship because with freshness added in your marriage, if you need to discuss what took place.

[sunnycarrztakesthemba]

Questions 1 & 2: What do I enjoy most about my current job, and what do I enjoy least?

Sup, @ the 1 or 2 people who actually bother to check this, I know I’m waaay behind schedule because work’s been crazy. But thanks for still popping by :) 

Anyway, this is actually quite an interesting question and very apt given the juncture I’m at (Think about it - almost 2 years here, it’s time for a review of whether I think this is for me or not hahah).

What I’m doing right now: Restructuring and Insolvency at a Big 4. Think Chapter 11 in the US. Essentially, we rescue and rehabilitate companies that are not doing so well financially. This could be a result of shifts in government policies leaving them at a disadvantage, fraud, poor accounting practices or just management believing that the company is still highly efficient and they’re doing okay. And the list doesn’t end here. It could be one of these reasons, a combination of them OR just something else altogether. But at the end of the day, what we deal with are companies that are struggling - we step in, identify the problem and devise solutions. Sometimes, we even step in to run the company (look up “Judicial Management” if you want to know more). Sometimes, we investigate into frauds too!

The team I work with is pretty great - we work together to solve problems no matter what time of the day it is, challenge and encourage each other, push through the toughest of times and get the work done. It’s pretty close-knit. Another plus point is the the managers and partners actually put a lot of responsibility on first year and second year associates despite us having virtually no experience (essentially throwing us into the deep end), which actually makes the learning process much more effective (like Lee Kuan Yew said: Teach Less, Learn More) and letting us develop ourselves as leaders at the same time. 

My job mostly involves analyzing the industries the company lies in, their financial statements and attempting to identify pressure points and assisting in the execution of the restructuring proposal. The project I’m currently on sees me taking on the roles involving external communications and pretty much being a HR manager. I get to deep dive into a specific department, understand its workings and understand at a deeper level where inefficiencies might arise. It also allows me to think about how these processes could be made better. The fact that I’m on this project during a pandemic, when everyone is living day to day and waiting for instructions from the government makes the experience even more thrilling BECAUSE  I get to be so much more on the ball, analyse how the business is impacted and apply my knowledge (both existing and newfound) to my work. Apart from work, as the learning and development co-ordinator I am responsible for co-ordinating L&D events, identifying learning gaps and suggesting how else we could bridge these gaps. Currently, I’m looking into spearheading various L&D initiatives like the Restructuring 101 training for newbies. 

The above is pretty much a reflection from grateful SunnyCar but no, that’s not exactly the substance of my answer to this question. I actually had to sit down for a few hours and think about this. Other than that, this question was on my mind for a good whole 10 days before that. Throughout the process I was pretty all over the place, because it just hadn’t been a fantastic time at work and I was battling with thoughts heavily laden with strong dislike for my job and there was way too much going on in my head. Hence, it took me longer than expected to write this because extra effort was required to look at this question objectively. At the end of my period of contemplation, I was able to pinpoint exactly why I liked my job and exactly why I disliked it. No matter how much a job is meant for you and you love it, there’s always something (or there are always some things) that you dislike with a passion. Here are my 6 likes and 5 dislikes: 

WHAT I LIKE: 

The fact that I am exposed to various industries

Businesses come in all shapes an sizes, lugging along with them very unique problems. These may be unique to the company, or to the industry, or both. And any of them can be a client of a professional services firm. The fact that I can be exposed to many industries and I can learn about how they work ties in very closely with my life goal of gathering as much knowledge as I can, just because I like to learn! 

Interacting with clients 

I’m supposedly a peoples’ person. I don’t think so. But I think that when it comes to solving problems or developing solutions especially for a specific group of individuals, their insights prove to be extremely valuable. 

It also reminds me to be a bit more human :p 

Also exposes me to different kinds of people and teaches me how to deal with each type. Best part is that I get better at reading people.

The part where I get to find problems and propose solutions 

I’d think the above is self explanatory. There’s just something very thrilling about the process of solving problems that has me hooked onto it. 

The satisfaction of providing solutions and them actually working is also an unparalleled feeling. 

Knowing that I have been instrumental in making an impact on an individual or a group of them also makes me feel somewhat accomplished. 

If anything, when I die I want to have made an impact on people. How - I don’t know. All I know that I have to keep doing my best in whatever I do :) 

The empowerment 

I’m perpetually on a quest to find problems and suggest solutions. There are many initiatives I want to start at work, but I just don’t have the time. However whenever I do suggest something, I’m empowered all the way from partner level. They’re always like “you want to run this? Do it. It’s a fantastic idea.”

Even if the idea IS ridiculous but makes some sense, they offer some really good tweaks to the idea and make it an A+ solution.

The team also lets you know, other than what you need to do better, where you’re doing well and to keep it up.

The team 

They’re always challenging me to think out of the box. And I like to be challenged.

They’re always willing to share their experiences with us as well, not just about various projects they’ve been on, but also introduce to us how the partners think, life hacks on how to present information and just how to survive the workplace in general. 

The opportunity to be hands-on in running a company

Honestly this is something that’s unique to very few jobs. My job happens to be one of them. This job really allows you to be at the heart of the operations and get a sensing of how companies work in general. It allows you to be able to empathize with people who do this for a living, which in turn makes you much better at solving problems in the future - but this time, with a heart. 

WHAT I DISLIKE: 

The duration of a project 

Restructuring and insolvency projects are NOTORIOUS for having no fixed end date. Especially those which are guided by the Court. Yes, the law kind. If the court deems it equitable and just, the project shall end asap. If not, keep grindin’

Which also makes it very difficult for someone to gain as much exposure to as many industries as they want in a short span of time 

And this, for someone that’s eager to learn, is very frustrating 

I’d want to change it but I can’t possibly blackmail the judge to make the project quickly, so I believe the solution must be department-centric. Possibly implement rotation programmes where associates get to rotate from one job to another every quarter or break it up into trimesters. But there has to be a specific, common standard for workpapers so it’s easy to catch up for whoever takes up the project in the next rotation 

The other easy way is to start industry-specific focus groups where we develop lessons which are Industry 101s, which introduce you to how the industry is mapped, what financial instruments are commonly used, what resources are available online, specific financial ratios that are used to assess the viability of the business etc? 

The reactive nature vs. a proactive one 

I’m more of a planner, I like to have a problem in front of me. Research the HECK out of it, gather insights and formulate my own before I devise a solution and make it as robust as possible so it works for a decent length of time. 

But the thing about my job is that I deal with problems every. single. day. because the companies we deal with generally have little to no controls and a poor understanding of the laws and regulations applicable here. Or they just get extremely creative with decision making which comes back and bites them back in the ass. 

So, when we’re around the problems somehow crop up and we’re alerted at the last minute which means intense research over the span of a few hours and making decisions on the fly. I usually don’t consider this my best work even if it may be a very well substantiated solution with sound assumptions.

Which also makes this job tiring and progressively less enjoyable.

The focus on rehabilitation only instead of dabbling into looking at a company’s growth as well 

I’ve always felt nothing but joy watching someone/something turn themselves/itself around and grow

With the unfortunate situation that the companies find themselves in, the bulk of our time and focus goes to rehabilitating and stabilizing operations. More often than not, the business partners supporting the businesses turn their backs on them and are not exactly the easiest to pacify (especially where money is involved) and enter into strategic agreements with, to allow the company to start growing 

Singapore is small, word spreads fast. People aren’t the most forgiving. 

Department politics trickling down to the small fry associates 

It’s not unexpected, the politics. But one would expect that the “kids” or the “newbies” would be kept out of it

Different partners pretty much earmark certain associates and they are stuck on their teams for life, doing very similar kinds of projects and working with the same sub-group of people

So even if we don’t want to get into the politics at work, we get dragged in without realizing it

I’ve always been curious about how other firms do it. Some MBBs have a bidding system, some firms have a portal where they put up upcoming jobs and the directors working on them. And the onus is then upon the analyst/associate to ask them for a coffee chat and impress them. Very interesting ways of dealing with this issue, but with the politics already deeply ingrained over a span of easily 10-15 years, surely there must be a more creative and effective way to overcome this problem (omg new problem to solve?!!!) 

The expectation to focus more on the small picture than the big picture, at the associate level and not much opportunity to understand why certain decisions are made at a higher level

I can understand that as an accountant, I need to be a very detailed person 

Whatever I do, I need to do it with 100% accuracy and be detailed & careful before I am expected to be able to understand the big picture 

Unfortunately, I am far from that. I like to see the big picture and then deep dive. 

But to occasionally be told to do certain things well and not be told/shown the overall objective (or rather how what I’m doing contributes to the success of the project) makes me feel like the work is meaningless, because then I’m not able to visualise and anticipate how exactly the project is going to pan out and look 1, 3 and 6 months later

Though I suppose the simplest solution to that is just asking and not expecting to be told. Or try to understand how it’ll pan out AND THEN ask astute questions. Though I still do think that the small fries should be included in the “big picture” discussions once in a while because they value-add to our understanding and give us a peek into how decisions are made + let us get an idea of how what we do helps on a macro level! 

There are merits and demerits to any job. No one loves their job and doesn’t dislike any part of it. My advice: don’t trust these people, they are fake news. 

I don’t hate my job and I’m not obsessed with it either (though some people would say that I am married to my job). I just feel it could be better (who wouldn’t). But hey we don’t get what we want in life. Whatever I can change about the situation I’m in, I do. What I can’t - I accept it or find ways to work around it. 

At the end of the day, this job to me is nothing short of a learning opportunity, a humbling experience teaching me about myself & all that I don’t know about life/the world and a teensy-weensy glimpse into the life of an impact-maker. It’s a constant reminder of my main aim in life: to help make the world a better place. 

Till the next post, 

SunnyCarrz

[subconsitrep]

The breaking support

Once again, the tide brings new waves that all have yet to be tried and succeeded.  This new wave being the beginning of my latest birthday.  The amount of new things that have developed since I’ve turned has been quite a lot, and none of it except perhaps one thing, has been much of any good news.  

My most recent post talked about the recent break up with my ex-girlfriend.  Whether or not it was explicit in mentioning that we still kept in touch, and the split was a concept that was allowed to be felt mutually, we were able to keep in touch.  Our maturity on both ends were enough to allow the privilege of friendship still exist despite whatever hardships or disagreements, cold feelings I may have felt towards the methods of which were deployed upon the separation.  I suppose we can both say that we were privileged enough to still be in agreement to keep company amongst the recent changes.  

Since our break up, she had only been in the country for a couple more weeks at best before departing to her long awaited, fairly long trip to Brazil for at least a month, perhaps a tad bit more if anything.  Seeking a deeper spiritual path on her way to encouraged development and connection with other people seeking the same.  Whereas I stayed and continued the mission I’ve always wanted to own; that is my need to become a CAF Fighter Pilot.  Doing what may to get me closer to realizing that very dream.  We kept in contact.  She messaged me quite often, always making sure that I was looked after.  The feeling felt quite maternal, like a mother would be concerned for her child.  There was a date set not a week after she would be arriving that we would meet over coffee and exchange words over our life since the split. 

I was proud even just for my own self that I had managed to find myself yet with another raise and promotion with my job, perhaps stabilizing my financial situation that may allow me to really maintain my finances and my current lifestyle granted that I am able to be budget-savvy.  Perhaps the only thing, considering that since my birthday there had been other developments that I did go into detail as well.

A colleague from work studying to become a Chiropractor had requested I volunteer for a trail of some new treatments he had learned.  Upon being a moron that moment despite my present knowledge I had agreed and allowed myself to become the victim of an issue I would later HIGHLY regret.  An adjustment was done to my lower back, which if anything had actually in fact misaligned one of the discs in my lower back and thus a Disc Herniation was born.  I’ve since not been the same person, having constant back issues and feeling consistent jolts of pain.. I find myself having to pop painkillers and anti-inflammatories to keep the pain and irritation down; which otherwise would be unheard of for me.  My 5 days a week at the gym have become 0 in fear of re-injury.  My habits have begun to die out and a minor depression has sunken in since I cannot work out, I sometimes cannot walk or move properly... Lord knows I wouldn’t function properly if I was to have sex.  On top of all of that, my cat in spite of me leaving for a full day on my birthday weekend, decided it best to spite me and piss in my bed.  I’ve since been sleeping on the floor until an undisclosed time until I can manage something.  I told her all this.  Not including the fact that I was also exploring social dating apps that have yielded an astonishingly horrid results.  So brutal I won’t even shed the details of it.  In short, living under a rock (in pain and agony) has not been more relatable. 

In exchange, I was shocked to hear of the developments with her.  Some were not surprising, considering that I was already well aware that she already had hundreds of things just lining up and working for her.  But what really caught my attention was the fact she had told me of her new partner.  This partner, whom she described to me as her ‘twin flame’, were already living together, and had been together since our break up.  Since when, wasn’t disclosed but considering that it was only 2 and a half months after our split, and a month of which she was already in Brazil.... 

...

... I really didn’t think much of it at first.  During the discussion I felt genuinely happy that she had met someone that made her happy.  Im not going to lie and say that I didn’t instantly feel something of a prick in my heart that was irritated in the moments of hearing it but it was simply just that, and I chose to dismiss it and continue on with listening as she explained the rest of the details. 

It wasn't until I was home alone, cooking when something just happened to resonate with me.  I suddenly felt like all these broken jigsaw puzzles just instantaneously lined up and solved what was in front of my face the entire time.  I made connections up without even thinking, as if my subconscious had done all the arranging itself.  I thought to myself ‘how could she have been able to find a twin flame soulmate in record time, having been in our home country for not even a full month, having been in a foreign country for more than that, since our break up 2 and a half months ago?  Not only that but they are living together?”  

At this point, anyone can come to their own conclusions and talking more about this just drags the point on unnecessarily.  My mind is just venting to myself at this point and I am simply capturing the details as experienced from my perception.  Note that this is an assumption based on pretty rock solid evidence.  More like an educated guess at this point since nothing can be confirmed.  Either or, it was in some way premeditated where she had worked up the courage to split with me while already having someone in mind and something at play for her benefit, or she had a much larger horseshoe up her ass that everything once again just happened to magically line up for her just simply because, and she did it as it all came to her, strictly after our committed involvement? 

In reflecting in all of this, the only real reason why I can sense my frustration with this is because I myself would have been open and honest about the situation no matter what.  In my own fault I had openly admitted to a potential wrong doing to her not even an hour after it all happened.  In turn, I feel that I was dishonoured by being blind sided and taken advantage of in such that has allowed me to feel so much less of a person (at least the emotional fallout of realizing this) and the fact that what had happened feels more or less more disingenuous.  She has since our break up been quite active in my life and has always offered to help and support... she has given me gifts and she does her best to offer financial support.  Could this have something to do with appeasing the guilt, assuming the above were true ?

With my bad back, nowhere to turn, a knowing of dishonesty and what feels like shade from a person I did not expect coming to light, the inconsistency of my studying (from the results of everything put together, which is just breaking my balls), no social life, not even a proper bed to sleep in... lets just say that this year has definitely taken one rough direction.

Now more than ever, the situation is calling for me to really put some insane legwork in to really counter-act all these effects and situations.  I need to call upon all power and support where I can and I must absolutely pray to ensure that I can get out of this and on top of everything once again.   I do not like where I am now and I do not want any sense of permanence to this. 

Despite all of this I still have my faith in myself.  I must hold that and my strong opinions of who I am and my potential in this life I have that has yet to come out.  Doesn’t mean Im not looking to the universe to at least guide me.  Throw me a bone here.  I could use a bit of guidance. 

[themoneybuff-blog]

Which matters more for building wealth: your saving rate or your investment returns?

604 Shares My name is Zach, and I write at Four Pillar Freedom, where I tend to tackle financial topics through data visualization. While J.D. is on vacation, I offered to explore one of his favorite topics: the effects of saving rate versus investment returns. Albert Einstein supposedly once said that compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world.But does data actually support this claim? In this post, I explore the nature of compound interest, how long it takes to become an important factor in wealth accumulation, and whether or not it actually matters much for people who hope to achieve financial independence in a relatively short time. What matters more: your saving rate or your investment returns? Accumulating Wealth in the Early Years Suppose your goal is to achieve a net worth of $1 million. If you invest $10,000 every year and earn a 7% annual return on your investments which is a reasonable assumption for long-term stock market returns you'll accumulate $1 million in about 30.7 years. The chart below shows exactly how long it would take to reach every $100,000 net worth milestone, using the assumptions of a $10,000 annual investment earning a 7% annual return: Notice how each $100,000 net worth milestone takes less time to reach than the last. In fact, it's mind-boggling to see that it will take youlongerto go from $0 to $100,000 than it will to go from $600,000 to $1 million: The first $100,000 takes the longest to save because you don't receive much help from investment returns early on. The time it takes you to go from $0 to $100,000 is mostly dependent on the gap between your income and your spending. The following chart shows just how much savings contribute to net worth growth compared to investment returns: If you invest $10,000 each year at a 7% annual rate of return, you'll go from $0 to $100,000 in 7.84 years and a whopping 78% of that $100,000 will come purely from savings. Important note: For the sake of simplicity, we're assuming a steady 7% annual return in these examples. It makes things easier. But please remember that in real life, returns are almost never average. Some years, the stock market drops 10%. Other years, it gains 20%. Over the long term, however, the average real returns are close to 7%. So, we're keeping things clearer by using that number. Even if you earn higher annual investment returns, the majority of your first $100,000 will still come from savings. The table below shows how much savings account for each $100,000 net worth milestone based on different annual rates of return: On the low end, if you only earn 3% annual returns, then savings will account for 89% of your total net worth growth from $0 to $100,000. On the high end, if you earn 9% annual returns, then savings will still only account for 74% of total net worth growth. Note: This is why Get Rich Slowly has written many times before that the number-one factor in determining how much you'll have in retirement is the amount you save. The good news is that once you cross the $100,000 net worth milestone, investment returns begin to help you. For example, if you keep investing $10,000 each year at a 7% annual rate of return, then 49% of your net worth growth from $100,000 to $200,000 will come from investment returns: So, even though you're saving and investing the same amount each year ($10,000), it will only take you 5.1 years to go from $100,000 to $200,000 since investment returns add to your net worth. Notice how it takes less and less time to accumulate each $100,000 because investment returns begin to account for more growth as time goes on. Why Your First $100,000 is Such a Big Deal You might find these charts discouraging if you're someone who has yet to save their first $100,000. After all, the numbers don't lie: The first $100,000 takes the longest to accumulate. Warren Buffett's longtime business partner Charlie Munger even once said, The first $100,000 is a bitch! The good news, though, is that accumulating your first $100,000 represents a huge milestone. If your goal is to save $1 million, then $100,000 only represents 10% of your total goal. But lets instead view wealth accumulation from a time perspective: It takes 7.84 years to get your hands on that first $100,000 and a total of 30.7 years to go from $0 to $1 million. This means accumulating the first $100,000 takes up a whopping 26% (7.84 years / 30.7 years) of the total time it takes to accumulate $1 million: Although it may not feel like a huge milestone in terms of dollars, accumulating your first $100,000is a huge milestone in terms of time. It's fascinating to see how much time each $100,000 milestone actually accounts for on the road to $1 million. For example, going from $100,000 to $200,000 represents 17% of the total journey in terms of years: This means that accumulating your first $200,000 represents 43% of the journey to $1 million in terms of years. The table below showshow much time each $100,000 takes up on the journey to $1 million (again, assuming consistently investing $10,000 annually at a 7% rate of return): As your net worth marches higher, each subsequent $100,000 takes less time to reach than the last. When Do Investment Returns Matter More Than Savings? We've seen that net worth growth can be slow in the early stages simply because you don't have enough money invested for investment returns to make much of a difference. As time goes on, though, investment returns begin to account for more and more net worth growth. You might be wondering:When do investment returns matter more than savings? To answer this, let's consider the case from earlier where you invest $10,000 and earn a 7% annual return.At the end of year one, you have your initial $10,000 plus $700 in investment returns for a total of $10,700. This means 93%($10,000 / $10,700)of your net worth growth came from savings and only 7%($700 / $10,700)came from investment returns. In year two, you invest another $10,000 and again earn a 7% return. This year you would earn $1,449(($10,700 + $10,000) * 7%)from investment returns. This means 87%($10,000 / $11,449)of your net worth growth came from savings and 13%($1,449 / $11,449)came from investment returns: If we keep doing these calculations each year, well find that investment returns account for more and more of yearly net worth increases as time goes on: Notice how it takes about 11 years for investment returns to account for more yearly net worth growth than savings: After year 11, investment returns become the main force that pull your net worth higher. Heres another way to view these numbers: It turns out that no matter how much you save each year, these numbers hold true. For example, suppose you saved $20,000 consistently each year instead of $10,000: Only the net worth numbers change. The percentages stay the same. Investment returns overtake savings again in year 11. But what if you earn less than 7% annual returns on your investments? For example, suppose you save $10,000 each year again but instead earn 5% annual returns: We see a similar pattern: Investment returns slowly begin to account for more net worth growth over time, but in this scenario it takes about 15 years for returns to become more important than savings. This brings up an interesting question:How long does it take for investment returns to overtake savings for different annual return amounts? This table reveals the answer: The lower your annual investment returns, the longer it takes for investment returns to become more important to net worth growth than savings. J.D.'s note: This last table is important, even though it might not seem so on first glance. Right now, the FIRE movement is hot, right? Everybody's talking about early retirement. A lot of young folks are able to quit their jobs because their investments have done so well. How well? My calculations show that as of today (28 Nov 2018), the stock market has returned an average of 15.06% annually since its bottom on 06 Mar 2009. This is an insanely high rate of return for an insanely long period of time, and it's allowed patient investors to rack up big returns quickly. Many folks aged 30 to 35 have only known this environment where investment returns are so strong that they soon matter more than the amount you save. This is not normal! When things do normalize, I believe it'll cool some of the heat the FIRE movement has been building. How Much Do Investment Returns Matter for Early Retirees? We've seen that the amount you save usually matters more than the investment returns you earn in the early years of a net worth journey. This brings up an interesting question: how much do investment returns matter for people who hope to achieve financial independence in a time span of only 10 to 20 years? According to the Financial Independence Grid, a household that is able to save 50% of their post-tax annual income each year will be able to achieve financial independence (25 times their annual expenses) in just 16.6 years, assuming they start with $0 and earn 5% investment returns each year: Let's round this number up to 17 years and find out just how important investment returns vs. savings are on the road to financial independence. Using my Contributions vs. Returns Calculator, we can find out just how much investment returns matter. (Note: I'm using the term contributions and savings interchangeably here.) Consider a household that is able to invest $30,000 per year at a 5% annual rate of return for 17 years. At the end of these 17 years, they'll have $813,972, 63% of which will have come purely from savings. Only 37% of this total ending amount will have come from investment returns. Consider instead if this household is able to earn 7% annual returns while still saving half of their income. It turns out that they would be able to achieve F.I. in just 15 years. In this case, investment returns would account for 44% of their total net worth after 15 years: And if this same household instead earned stellar 10% annual returns, they would be able to achieve F.I. in just 13 years. In this case, investment returns would account for 52% of their total net worth after 13 years: So, for people who are able to achieve F.I. in 13 to 17 years, investment returns account for anywhere from one-third to one-half of total net worth growth. But suppose this same couple experiences incredible 15% annual returns like we've seen since since the stock market bottom of March 2009, as J.D. previously mentioned. Here's the same financial independence grid from earlier, except with the assumptions of 15% annual investment returns instead of 5%: If this same couple was able to save and invest half of their income each year at a 15% annual return, they would be able to achieve financial independence in just 11.1 years. For simplicity, let's round to 11 years and plug in the same numbers as we did earlier into theContributions vs. Returns Calculator: It turns out that 61% of this couple's net worth after 11 years would be composed of investment returns. Recall that this same couple who earned 5% annual returns on their way to F.I. only had 37% of their final net worth composed of investment returns. That's a massive difference! As J.D. pointed out, these incredible returns since 2009 have given investors a huge boost over the past decade, but these type of returns are not typical. The stock market typically delivers around 7% annual returns, which is why I used that number consistently throughout this post. Conclusion We saw a few interesting things in this post: On a net worth journey, the first $100,000 often takes the longest to accumulate. Each subsequent $100,000 takes less and less time to accumulate, though.The amount you save matters more than your investment returns in the early years.For people who are able to achieve F.I. in 13 to 17 years, investment returns account for anywhere from one-third to one-half of total net worth growth. Your job as an individual is to focus on what you can control. This means focusing on increasing your income, keeping your spending in check, minimizing investment fees, and maintaining an asset allocation that aligns with your financial goals. If you hope to achieve financial independence in a relatively short period of time, you'll likely be better off focusing on these variables you can control rather than fretting over investment returns, which are largely out of your control and not likely to ever be as good as they have been over the past decade. Author: Zach @ Four Pillar Freedom Zach is a personal finance blogger, an avid weightlifter, and a lover of data visualization. He was personally able to save $100,000 by age 24 through saving 60% or more of his income each month for two years straight. He's on a mission to teach people how to use principles from the fields of philosophy, psychology, work ethic, and finance to craft a rich and meaningful life. Read more from him at Four Pillar Freedom. 604 Shares https://www.getrichslowly.org/building-wealth/

[psychotherapistnearme-blog]

Pairs Counseling For Relationships In Crisis Marriage Treatment

If you are reading this as well as pondering divorcing your spouse I plead with you to stop divorce process till you have at the very least read this article as well as also motivate your spouse to review it also.

I urge you to stop divorce due to the fact that finishing a marital relationship isn't constantly the best solution to marital challenges, it can be, but for the most part it isn't. A lot of people typically feel trapped in unhappy marital relationships and are hopeless to leave the connection. The trouble nevertheless is that you might end up encountering specifically the same point you are trying to escape from if appropriate treatment isn't taken.

I suggestions pairs from a Christian perspective because I think that God developed marital relationship to be an excellent establishment and in Gods original prepare for marital relationship there was no divorce. Actually it was never Gods intent for pairs to hurt one another to the point where they seem like they need to separate from each other.There are lots of reasons that individuals want to exit marriage, possibly their partner has betrayed to them, maybe they have been abused by their partner, perhaps due to inability to have children, some even assert to have fallen out of love, some case difference of opinions, the list is endless.On the surface area some of these would seem like legitimate reasons to end a partnership, since if your marital relationship is causing you discomfort it makes good sense to leave right? Yet allow us consider the nature of discomfort. When you really feel a pain in your body, the pain isn't the genuine problem, the discomfort a sign that something else is wrong. So basically discomfort is a signal aiming you in the direction of the problem.What most individuals do when they really feel pain is take a pain reliever.

Although the pain killer appears to briefly take the pain away, the genuine problem hasn't been handled. So you no more really feel the discomfort however the trouble is still there as well as it is only a matter of time before the pain returns again.The factor I constantly motivate individuals to stop divorce as well as not hurry right into ending a marital relationship is due to the fact that like physical pain, marriage pain is likewise a sign that another thing is wrong, the discomfort in itself isn't the problem. Pain is in fact excellent; because it allows you understand that there is a problem that requires repairing. Without pain we would not recognize we had a problem.When people feel that the marriage pain has actually become overwhelming for them they feel like they require a pain reliever so they begin thinking of obtaining a prescription to the pain killer called separation. In my viewpoint, separation does not solve the issue, it merely kills the pain briefly but the real issue is still there. I intend to show to you from a scriptural perspective why divorce isn't Gods intention as well as why couples should quit separation. My aim is not to keep individuals in unhappy marital relationships where they are suffering in silence, my purpose is to aid individuals uncover what the root of the trouble in their marriage may be and ideally see that separation isn't necessarily the answer.Divorce is a byproduct of sin.It was never Gods intention for married couples to experience the discomfort of divorce. When God produced every little thing he considered it as well as claimed it was excellent"God saw all that he had actually

made, and also it was great."-- Genesis 1:31 God claimed every little thing he had made was excellent and also this consisted of marriage. Separation was not in Gods agenda. Separation entered the scene after the autumn of male. Separation was Moses 'option to a marital scenario where a male's heart was set against his wife "Moses permitted you to separation your spouses due to the fact that your hearts were hard. However it was not in this manner from the start. "-Matthew 19:8. It is interesting that Jesus said that Moses provided approval to separation and not his dad(God.)It is additionally interesting that Jesus claimed "yet this was not so from the get go"-- what Jesus indicated by this is that Separation was never in God's strategy when he created

them as man and also female.In essence what Jesus was saying is that if you desire the solution to marital problems, if you want to quit separation, then the solution remains in the beginning when God made them male and also women. Lets observe Jesus 'solution once more "Have not you review,"he responded, "that at the beginning the Designer'made them male and counseling carlsbad also women, and also said,'Consequently a man will leave his dad as well as mother and be joined to his spouse, and both will turn into one flesh? So they are no more 2, however one. For that reason what God has actually collaborated, let male not different. "The solution remains in

the start Jesus was implying that if we could just go back to the beginning, if we could simply go back to Gods original intention when he developed marriage, there would certainly be no cause for separation. As a matter of fact Gods need is that whoever he has collaborated in marital relationship must never be divided by any person "For that reason what God has joined together,

let guy not separate."-- Matthew 19:6 this is

what I based my argument on when I say that you should quit divorce.So what were the important marriage active ingredients that were present at first that we need to embrace in order to quit divorce?Essentially a marital relationship is just like both individuals in it. If we desire a good dish we need good components, if the active ingredients are bad the dish will be negative. If we want a starting marital relationship then we need a beginning male as well as a beginning female as the active ingredients for the marriage. Right here are the stop separation essentials:1.

To stop separation the hubby needs to be a start guy. A starting guy is the one that was around before the female also showed up in the Yard of Eden. The complying with are just 4 of the numerous top qualities a beginning male should have: oHe identifies that he is made in God's image. A male that recognizes who he is and also isn't attempting to be like any person else. A male who is certain in himself as well as isn't threatened by the success of others. A guy who discovers his identity in God and also not in material possessions. A man who understands his self worth not one shackled

to psychological enslavement and also injustice, not one that has to wear designer labels in order to feel vital, not one that will prioritise looking excellent prior to feeding his household. The very first point God provided the initial man he produced was his image, he was produced to

be similar to God-- safe and secure in himself and also safeguard in that he is. As a man, to quit divorce in your marriage you need to handle the image of God that you were created in and also strive to live your life like God in decency, peace, sanctity, love and also justice. oHe values the presence of God. The Garden of Eden represented the existence of God which's where the start guy was put. The Garden was a location where God might come and fellowship with man because the atmosphere invited the presence of God-- God might come as well as walk with man in the cool of the day-- Genesis3:8. A starting guy worths fellowship with God, he values praise as well as praise, he values prayer, he values obedience to God's word, he values a life of nonpartisanship as well as holiness, he values the existence of God. Ladies you do not want a male that does not value the visibility of God because if he doesn't value God, how

can he after that like you as Christ liked the church. As a male, to quit divorce in your marriage you have to find out to value the visibility of God and send on your own to God.oHe has job. God offered guy work before he gave him a wife. The worst male a female can marry is a careless guy. A guy needs to be working; he requires to be able to attend to his family since sex doesn't pay costs work does. Ladies you do not want a smooth talk man, a guy who simply speaks the talk but can not stroll the stroll. A man requires to be an actual male and lug the financial problem of his household not hand over his duty to his spouse. As a male to stop divorce from entering into your marriage you require to make sure you are functioning to attend to your household, you require to ensure that you go to least adding and also supporting your wife financially.oHe knows just how to draw out the most effective out of his other half. Component of the responsibility God

offered man was to deal with, dress, and cultivate everything that was in the Yard that was put under his care. This included his better half. This basically implies that it is the responsibility of a male to bring the best out of his wife.I have actually seen males abuse their wives, criticise their partners, ruin the self-worth of their spouses just because they feel that their partners no longer pair up to their assumptions. They desire their spouse to be extra intellectual or far better educated or even more ambitious, and even extra attractive as well as when they do not see these top qualities in their partner they going looking for it elsewhere.I telephone call such guys fools, due to the fact that they do not understand their obligations as a man. God won't provide you the best lady since you are expected to care for

her, clothe her, grow her, highlight the best in her, to make sure that she comes to be that perfect picture you imagine. It is your responsibility to do it, it is your obligation to look after whatever in your Yard. Stop searching for the simple way out and also stand up to your obligation. As a male, to quit separation sneaking into your marital relationship

, learn to draw out the best in your wife.Discover just how you can end up being more of a starting man in the hubby training area of this web site. Click hubby training in the navigation bar to go there.2. To quit separation the better half needs to be a beginning female. A starting lady you need to recognize the following: oAs a woman, your role in the life of your spouse is to help him and help him. "And God said it is bad that the guy should be alone; I will make him an assistance satisfy for him."-- Genesis 2:18 God checked out the man he had produced in the Yard and saw that it had not been helpful for him to be alone; he needed help.That word aid in a sense suggests to enhance as well as sustain. Although the other half is the head of the house, a wife is a co-leader of the house. This basically implies that a partner is intended to sustain and also aid her husband satisfy his vision.

If need be, she submits her very own personal vision to tackle the vision of her hubby, assisting him to boost it,

boost it, expand it as well as aid him birth the vision.Problems typically occur in marriages when couple are not functioning towards a common vision, this typically brings about department where

the vision has actually been divided into 2 with the partner doing his own thing and the spouse doing her very own thing.The scriptures says that ladies need to submit to their other halves" wives, send yourselves unto your other halves, as unto the lord. " Component of this entry to name a few points is sacrificing your personal vision to assist your husband birth his. A guy needs the assistance of his partner to accomplish certain points, because a female knows exactly how to multiply anything her hubby offers her.

It is tough for your spouse to boost and multiply without your assistance. A man requires a female to highlight the prospective within him, for instance he has the potential to create life through his seed/sperm but requires the assistance as well as boosting capabilities of his wife to take that seed, breed it, nurture it, provide it life and also birth it.Understanding the principle of being an assistant to your other half will certainly aid you stop separation in your marital relationship.

As a helper you ought to assist him build his self-confidence by brushing his ego so that he believes he can complete anything with you by his side.Helping him additionally indicates aiding him comprehend how he can much better relate with you, educating him just how you want to be approached, exactly how you want to be loved, as well as others points he requires to do to make you pleased-- without injuring his manhood and pride in the process, which indicates doing it lovingly and also with sensitivity.A real assistant: Urges her partner, Waits him, Supports him in hard times, Sends to him, Likes him, Does not rob him

sex simply to pay back him Helps him with his concerns as well as insecurities, Aspects him openly and privately as well as isn't discourteous to him, Relies on him, Does not negatively compare him to various other guys, Draws out the very best in him, Makes the home a tranquil and also comfy place for him And also seeks to make her partner delighted in all ways.The holy bible describes such a female as a virtuous woman(read guide of Adages phase 31 from knowledgeable 10-31 ), such a female is uncommon to find however that's the type of lady every wife should make every effort to become if she wants to

quit divorce from finding its way into her marriage.When we get the components right, the marriage will certainly be right. When we as males and females service ourselves to come to be the beginning male or female that God meant for us to be separation will certainly quit. How can a marriage possibly fall apart in a partnership where both couple are constantly servicing themselves to be the most effective they can possibly be for their partner? Such a marital relationship can not fail.Essentially, the marriage advice, aid and also suggestions consisted of in this web site are tailored in the direction of helping you end up being the start males and female God intended for you to be in your marital relationship to make sure that there will not be create for divorce.

To stop divorce,

I encourage you to

make the most of this web site as well as learn

how to develop

a healthy and also

effective marriage. Wish you all the most effective in your marital relationship.

God bless.Return to conserve your marital relationship page from quit separation page.Return to home page from quit separation page.

[itsharsimranthings]

The Story of So Called Nakhras in Getting Married

                           The Story of So Called Nakhras in Getting Married

In a normal case scenario, every girl wants to get married, if not at 21 or 22, at some point of time in life. But when we see a paradigm shift in the upbringing of girls primarily in a country like India which has- Sanskars, education, sometimes a yes to become financially independent and some (plus and minus) say in choosing her prince Charming, this upbringing also ends up in adding a very interesting epithet which our society calls as ‘Nakhra’.

I am going to share my beautiful journey of choosing a life partner for myself. Mind it, it was not as easy as it was for most of my friends and also not that difficult when compared to another set of my friends.

It was a funny, super irritating, suffocating and sometimes a life saver experience for me. But above all it gave me a tag of designation which was less to do with my education or profession but my nature and that was,”Isske toh Bade Nakhre Hain, Aise toh Iski Shadi Nahi Hogi”.

I was 18 when I had lost my Mom. It was suddenly a shattered world for my Dad, brother and myself.

I had this sudden responsibility which was self-realized, of taking care of the house, cooking, daily chores besides pursuing my graduation and my post grad plans post it. From nowhere, someone suggested my dad that I should be married off as soon as possible. My dad has always been my biggest support system and he knew that ‘No’ this is not what he wants me to get in to at this stage. Time was flowing and gradually things were getting back on track, lots of ups and downs but as a family we pulled off quite well.

My brother had got married after few years and I had also started working. Once he was married, it was quite understandable that I am going to be the next target, which was nothing more than a Figment of Imagination….HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

From a Marketing job in a prominent publication, I shifted to a little relaxed career option-Teaching. I had joined as an Assistant professor with a renowned college in my city. But back of my mind there was a building pressure of getting married apart from anything else.

I had this fixed mind always that before I get married I want to do a few things in life on my own:

·         Progress in a respectable career

·         Travel/Party with friends

·         Save a bit to travel again

·         Save again for precautionary purposes

·         Date someone and if things go well then marry the same guy too

 God has been very kind towards me when he was choosing friends for me. I happen to have a good social circle which is a mix of funny boys and girls who come from different religions, age groups, educational backgrounds, careers but in spite of the difference in our demography we still maintain that homogeneity in most of the things. Some of these got married at the age of 21, some at 26-27 and some were still single like me. Some had say in choosing their life partners and some had no say only. While some like me were waiting for their fixed version of a life partner, with little compromises on conditions and some are still waiting.

The thought of marriage used to give me sleepless nights and sometimes shivers. I was given this freedom by my immediate family to decide on what to wear, where to go, choose friends, what to eat but life partner was questionable at times. After all its not just the two getting into a lifelong relation but two families and the same extended to relatives as well.

Rishtas were being looked for me. Some turned out to be too flashy, some didn’t like me and few I didn’t like. But the ones I didn’t like were not acceptable to people who suggested them to us. Since they suggested so it had come with a clause of a mandatory YES.I could not say no because it would spoil their relation with the family but the boy side obviously had a right to say NO.

My saying a NO or for that matter my family saying a NO had always created fights, big faces and lot of tension. Shadi topic had become more of a boxing ring. I would get upset a lot but then I also knew its my life. If after all the contemplations its not comforting me then its better I say no. Perhaps no one saw my ways of analyzing a proposal and those who saw-we would only disagree to agree.

Eventually a time came when I had to decide the basis on which I will choose a partner for myself. I was already 29 and after 25 if you are unmarried then it’s a questionable thing. So, you can well imagine how LATE I was in life for this. I was not feeling late but yes people around were. Some would say,” She already has someone in mind”, “She was unnecessarily made independent in life and that’s why she keeps on saying no to rishtas”,” We don’t know what does she want”, a dear friend once said, ”It seems your dad does not want you to get married”……. I was hurt at this because she could never understand what I want in life then how could she talk like this about my dad. Same girl was not given a chance by her family in choosing a guy for herself.

But the best was when my relatives ended up this entire Shadi conversation with a believed assumption that this girl has lot of Nakhras, this way she will never get married. I was like Really☹.Will I die all alone? No family? No romance? No honeymoon? No nothing?

 I would cry alone and to avoid this depressing phase I would look for travel plans, work beyond my work hours, joined gym to stay at bay from this topic, spend time with friends who were going through the same etc. etc. I just wanted to get off that pressure which was building up day by day. Even my students were getting married. What could I do? I could not marry just anyone…..

Meanwhile a guy showed interest in me, I spoke about him at home but when my family agreed the guy just didn’t take a stand. Again, a lol moment in life because every relative knew of this story. I was so ashamed and just gave up.

It was such a phase that I and we 4 friends used to call our fate as MAHA MAHA LUL. Happiness and good luck was always ready take you turn. Everyday somebody’s FB status used to be either engaged or married to. I was like “iski ho sakti hai toh meri kyu nahi”.

After having enough of it, one day I decided to pen down as to what I am looking for in a match. Here it goes:

1.      I am 5 feet 6 inches tall and I love to wear heels so the boy should be at least 5 feet 9 inches. Had once said no to a rishta because the boy was not even 5 feet 8 inches and a huge ruckus had happened. That was one day when I felt why I had to be of this height? Why everybody took pride in calling me tall and appreciating my height time and again when they will one day shoo me on this.

2.      Decent to look at but a cut surd. I am a sardarni but I don’t have men around me who wear turban or have long beard. Someone who is handsome for you might not be handsome for me. Believe me on this, I was never looking for Hrithik Roshan.

3.      The guy should be decently educated in whatever stream, articulate and well aware of what is happening around the world.

4.      Should be financially independent (businessman, professional) but should not be in armed forces, I have respect for them but I have my own fears too till date. I was once made to meet a guy who was not working and when I said no for this I was told he looks handsome, see that. He was 32 and was financially dependent on his family. He had no routine and no aim. I could not digest this one at all and my no had once again created a big issue. I had suddenly become a villain. Till date that cousin of mine does not speak to me because of my no. LOL!!!

5.      My working or not working should be a decision left onto me

6.      Its okay if he drinks or smokes but he must not be a drunkard or a drug addict. People had problem the why I have no problems with someone who smokes. They didn’t see I was being flexible here.

7.      Vegetarian or a non- vegetarian not a problem but he should not be a vegetarian because he has taken some sort of naam. I mean I wanted to take no compulsions.as simple as that.

8.      Okay with a nuclear or a joint family

9.      Horoscope matching not a problem but my horoscope hardly matched with anyone. I must have been to at least 22 odd pandits to get calculations done. Someone would say I’ll get married in two months, someone would say that proposal X is waiting only for my yes. But when I said yes believing that pandit, I came to know that the guy had already got engaged. I didn’t know and I still don’t know if I need to believe in calculations or not because the last one I had gone to had said that my time of birth is wrong. MOM where are you, help me with this at least. You see another LOL in life.

10.  Now the last one, which is a shot, and many didn’t agree to this demand of mine and had concluded that I won’t get married in my life. I wanted a match in or around my city only. I will manage to stay in a smaller dwelling but not far away. Why I was adamant and obstinate on this one because when I lost my mother, my dad and I were alone. My brother was in Lucknow then and it took him more than 20 hours to reach us. I know people stay abroad and at times there are situations when family members are unable to reach but no I just could not adapt to this fact at all. I was never sent out of city to study or work being a girl and safety issues but same girl was let to get married just anywhere. Lots of fights and arguments would take place with family, relatives and friends on this point but I just didn’t want to bend. I was then okay with settling in NCR but nowhere else. I don’t know where life will take me in the long run but to start with I don’t wish to relocate.

 Lot of discussions happened on these points. But then I had Nakhras. I had accepted this adjective for myself. I was about to turn 30 and my friends, my support system, many had got married and just 3 besides me were single. By this stage I had stopped losing my calm and would just laugh away and then would say that I will get whatever I am destined to but without trying for my 10 points I don t want to give up. Someone had advised me, “you have already become bad in the eyes of your relatives by rejecting proposals but don’t say yes to not your kind of a proposal because it’s your life”. I was looking for this push and support. And I was determined again. Hence, made accounts on Shadi.com, Jeevan saathi, newspaper matrimonial columns, marriage bureaus. I suddenly felt like a celebrity. I had my bio data and photos floating just anywhere and everywhere. Hahahahha!!!

Met different set of people on matrimonial websites who would in one go want my contact nos and ask me all sort of silly questions. Chatting with 5-6 men online was a task. Then enquiring about the proposals by stalking their fb accounts and taking help from friends whom I had not spoken to in years was another level experience. I’ll term this as a ‘Blessing in Disguise’ because it’s certainly unfair to get into a stranger’s life. However, cursing your decision later on in life was also avoided through this medium alone. CID and Crime Patrol was and still are one of my favorite shows thanks to the Police I became while conducting the various types of character inquires for my prospective soul mate.

But out of all the action scenes my most interesting experience was with marriage bureau. This owner made me go laugh-LOL…. LOL….ROFL.

As per him, I should tell a guy that I like to watch channels like star movies, HBO but not Zee Cinema. Talk big boss but not serials. I must know about India’s political scenario but when I asked him about economical scenario, which is my area of interest and educational background, his answer was a NO. He did my counselling after we had paid him 21000/- which was non-refundable. I knew that money had gone down the drain.

 Struggle of finding a suitable match was at its peak. But god was with me. Maybe he just made me His favorite for a while and a twist came into my life. On my 30th birthday I was in Belgium for work. Apparently, I got a chance to stay away from calls who would be least interested in actually wishing me but more interested in lecturing me on how burdened my dad and relatives feel about getting me married.

I knew in hearts of heart, its high time, I will have to be serious and diligently look for a match. I was sitting with a friend of mine and we were making changes in each other’s profiles on the matrimonial websites to get more rishtas. Don’t ask me where we met and became friends.

In fact, he even met a dear friend of mine for matrimonial purpose (purely arranged marriage set up) and I was all ga ga about my male friend to my female friend and vice-versa. I was suddenly a kind of Vacholla(middle-person), that’s how they are addressed as in Punjab. I don’t know what, when and why it happened that this male friend of mine didn’t find my friend’s proposal as per his liking. He had some sudden light ON in his mind. He thought of considering me instead of my other friend. I knew that my dear friend will call off our friendship and will have all the ill wishes too for me, she perhaps felt and still feels that I have taken her guy away. No, I have not, certainly not. My chapter with her has ended for life. She is happily married now but I was not invited (I still feel sad. I am not out of those who will take someone else’s man away).

Coming back to my life, who will take this risk of talking at home again that I have another guy to introduce (he too can back out based on the past experience). I shared with my brother and then with my father. 4 days and the rishta got fixed. I was so happy and relaxed that thank god it has finally happened before my 31st birthday, a big sense of achievement.

I am happily married now and settled in life to my level of contentment.

Life has his own planning but we certainly need to work for this plan to become successful. Finding a suitable match is certainly not an easy task. For some it might happen in one meeting and for some it might not happen even in the 100th meeting.

So be optimistic. If it is bound to happen it will surely happen and if not then you can’t help it either.

P.S: A special note for two of my dear friends who are still unmarried, I know I have got busy and my priorities have changed a lot but you two are very close to me. We have shared our shadi related nakhras every time. We have laughed and cried on these together. So please don’t lose heart that you two are still unmarried. Remember, you both are younger to me, hot, independent, silly but pure at heart. What is bound to happen will happen. And shadi will certainly happen. If someone like me who has had a lot of Nakhras has gotten married then you two will also get. Just that our time zones are different. I feel blessed, I still get to meet you both and my family as and when I want because I was adamant on point no 10. May be few years down the line I am not in the city anymore. But still I’ll love you both anyway.

Another the two friends of mine, one in the UK and the other one in Chennai nowadays whenever you come to see your parents, see I can always drop in to catch up with you girls also. I have grown with you both but since you girls got married first so may be you are unaware of half of my stories of this struggle but yes I am also married now and a part of the same gang…))))

[topicprinter]

Before we begin, just some background information, I'm a Malaysian and the start up in question is based in Malaysia (although they do some operations in Singapore). Also I originally written this article in a local forum in Malaysia so apologies in advance if I'm using some terms which may not be familiar with the international community. I did quickly glanced through the article to clarify any local references.So in February 2018 I took up the job as a Finance Manager in a start up which I shall call The Firm (or in short, TF). Prior to that I research about TF and they had a decent website and good coverage from some fintech sites, so I thought it's a legit company. Furthermore it has 1 year+ full operations and even participated in some Sandbox program with Monetary Authority of Singapore (MAS) which adds to the confidence of the company's legitimacy.However once I joined things started to take a lousy turn. The red flags were desperately waving at me right from the first week but I was too naive and giving too much benefit of the doubt to the founder. The founder is an Estonian guy who had another business in Malaysia prior to TF which I admit made some money but the business isn't really on the ethical side. Either way he say the biggest role he would need me to do when joining the company is to prepare the budget and financial forecast to be shown to investors.So the first thing I did was looking at the accounts, thinking that by having a grasp of the previous years financials I can use it to support my assumptions and calculations when doing the projection and budget for the investors. To my horror there were no accounting in place. The company has been opened since 2014 and only the 2015 year end account was audited. The 2016 and 2017 account was not audited and hence there were no filing of annual return to SSM (Malaysia Companies Commission). That would've triggered the first red flag.Secondly throughout the rest of my employment I've been receiving calls from the company's vendor requesting for payment for the various service provided to the company. When I brought these notice to the chairman, he scoffs off these claims saying that everyone is out there trying to take money from him. He say all these people chasing payments are overcharging the company and so on. On my first week I'd actually believe his claim but the moment he delayed in paying the office cleaner her pay for 2 months citing her service is too expensive (after agreeing initially) I knew this chairman was simply not an honest person.Speaking about the Chairman, he really really talks alot, and spend a lot of the conversation just beating around the bush and talking about his past achievement. More important he boast about all his network and how he has good relations with people of power from around the world. Funny thing that despite all his connections and his so called wealth he can't even get a bank account opened under the company's name. Previously he convinced a young staff to take up directorship of the company so he can open the bank account and subsequently refused to change the company director back to the chairman's name, citing admin issues. I knew this was bullshit but didn't give much thought until he asked me to take up the directorship of the company, citing that "it's time for you to take up an important role and this is the proof of my commitment to you". That's when I knew it's time to leave.Part 2 - Weird job scope and goalsSo back to preparing the budget and projection for the Chairman, he's starting to make request that doesn't make any business sense. Now normally for any budget forecast you're suppose to get as many supporting documents or historical data to support your figures and back any assumption you made with solid facts. When I prepared my first draft of the budget the chairman told me that first year projection is too low. I told him naturally it's low because it's a startup and it will require some time by marketing before our sales will pick up to a profitable level.He then explain that I shouldn't make the budget too realistic. He claims he wants to get Euro 4-6million in funding in first year so I should prepare the budget based on 20 million and then subsequently revise it down to 10 million like that before settling for his targetted amount. He then commented on the visual aspect of my budget and I should consider preparing my budget in Keynote format to be more "presentable" rather than just throwing excel figures with my basis of calculation and assumption. He say that most investors are not interested in details but will throw their money based on "what looks good". I knew he wasn't interested in a serious proper budgeting but rather something with fancy graphs and infographics to make it look good.I then approached the marketing department on their marketing plan so I can do my revenue projections properly and to my horror I was informed by marketing that the chairman is not interested with actual revenue figures. He's more interested with the app downloads, Facebook likes, LinkedIn, Instagram reach and likes. Basically he's focusing on giving the company a good online image when someone search for the company's name, a habit which I see in all his actions. The chairman says that investors is not interested in pass financial figures or will NOT actually conduct proper due diligence on our business plan or projections. They will just throw money to whatever that 'looks nice'. I brought my doubt about how our lack of audited financial statements will lead to many problem in convincing investors but he went to his usual name dropping about how he knows some powerful guy in Europe who has access to billions of euro in funds.Part 3 - Ever Changing Office LocationWhen I attended my 2nd interview I realize TF office is quite hard to find. The website merely states the building of the office but not exactly which floor or which unit number it is. Moreover the only number available in the website is a Singapore number. Thankfully the HR lady did call me and explained to me the exact location of the office. It was those SOHO building near Jalan Ampang. When I joined TF they just moved into this building in Binjai 8. Previously in 2017 they were in Troika and before that in this KLCC Soho suites.Since the company's inception in 2014 it has moved office 4 times, from Menara Citibank, to Soho Suites KLCC, Troika and now currentlyin Binjai 8. Previously in 2017 they were also falsely using Menara Ilham as their company location despite not having an actual office there at all. After some scandal and some reporters queried the Menara Ilham management did TF change their address in the web after being threatened to legal action by Menara Ilham management. Furthermore a property agent told me that the Chairman has a bad record in his database for having history of late payments.The Chairman is super insecure about revealing the office location to any outsider. Whenever any of the staff were to organize a meeting with a potential vendor or partner the chairman will strictly warn us not to disclose the office location. The company has 4 to 5 different business location depending on where you extract the information from. Heck the Chairman even used another different address when it comes to dealing with banks. The Chairman's business card features a different building from where we were actually working and as usual, didn't mention any unit number or even floor. Dodgy. This guy just simply doesn't want people to know where his exact location is.Without being too detailed his residential address registered in the SSM differs greatly from his actual residence address as well. Needless to say the chairman isn't keen on letting people know where he lives.Part 4 - Chairman made a fool out of himself with the authoritiesWhen I joined TF back in Feb 2018 there was this Operations Manager whose sole purpose is to develop the business plan for TF to obtain a certain license from Bank Negara Malaysia. I still recall the Chairman instruct the operations manager not to put too much details in the business plan. The Operations manager disagreed and within 1 month he quit his position as operations manager because he cannot agree with the chairman's sense of direction.After the operations manager left I took over his function and started to work on the business plan. At this time I receive the same ridiculous instruction from the chairman; Make it look beautiful, don't talk too much about the operations, rig the income projections. Just tell a nice story but whatever that happens just get the license first then figure out the compliance issue later. I was quite frustrated working on the business plan because I knew BNM (The Central Bank of Malaysia, which issues license for Money Service Businesses) will scrutinize our figures and drill us with questions in detail. There's no point hiding any details from them, however the chairman scoff off my concerns as usual and go back to him boasting his past achievements and connections. Heck at one point he even say he will get his Estonian ambasaddor to write to the deputy governor of BNM if he couldn't get the license.Either way the PA managed to arrange a meeting with BNM and TF. Can you imagine the Chairman scolded the PA for not preparing him for the meeting. By preparing for meeting the Chairman asked "What is the race, seniority and years of experience of the people we are meeting in BNM". Useless preparation i would say. In BNM itself the people there drill him with questions and the chairman as usual just "goreng" (local term for bullshit some facts in hope that it sounds convincing) some fact and figures and boasted about his non existense experience. BNM either way is unimpressed and insist that he produce physical documents and proof to back him claim. In fact BNM ask him if he can produce a 99.99% confidence level on some e-KYC verification in which the chairman happily said yes (in theory a 99.99% confidence level is impossible and BNM was asking him a trick question).The chairman realize things went sour in the negotiation and for a moment I thought he finally learnt his lesson and will take this BNM application seriously. I thought he will finally hire the right people, clear the company accounts for audit and prepare the business plan properly.Then back in the office he called me to a meeting. He started scheming a new plan to open a new company, asked me to become the director so he can open a few bank accounts, and say I'm paranoid about BNM and I should trust him in handling this BNM license issue.I tendered my resignation 2 days later.Bonus Episode -Weird Hiring DecisionsNow every hiring decisions goes through the Chairman. Naturally when briefly asked about his hiring principal he mention he only want the best. At first this chairman has TWO Personal Assistants! (PA). Heck word from the HR person is initially he has 3 candidate whom he thinks suitable for PA role but decided he wants ALL 3. Thankfully one rejected the offer so he only have two PAs now. Personally observing the mundane task given to the PA it seems he doesn't even need a PA in the first place. Further more two months later he decided his two PA useless because in his word "They're not doing anything and as a PA they should know my needs and act accordingly".Next was the way he conducted the interview. He keep on boasting about the need to get good stuff but is dumbfounded when candidates refuse to join because the company offer no EPF and SOCSO. He thinks these statutory contribution shouldn't matter so much and candidates are not looking at the big picture.Finally he totally judge a person totally by the looks. Too many times he rejected candidate without viewing their detailed resume on the basis on their photo posted is not interesting. Telltale sign this guy isn't really thinking about getting capable candidates to meet the company goals. All he wants is people who look nice.Final Part - Late Salary, mass resignationI left within 1 week after tendering my resignation. The Chairman seems oblivious about why I would tender my resignation as he believes "Things are moving". I told him what is wrong with his whole way of doing things and he refuse to believe he's in any wrong. that cemented my decision to leave.I still wonder back then whether this Estonian chairman is a scammer or simply a terrible terrible businessman. However when I read this two articles about scam startups, I knew, this guy is a scammer.https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/295304https://medium.com/startup-grind/i-got-scam...up-574ced8acdffIt's quite disturbing how I share a similar experience with Penny Kim and her experience with WrkRiot, from the over talkative and constant name dropping founder to the late payments.I believe that TF is now at the verge of dying as the chairman will not be able to get any investors (after witnessing his "business pitch" in BNM I really doubt someone is gonna throw to him millions). Company now has 3 full time staff and 3 interns, down from 13 when I first joined. With property agent and intern providers blacklisting him I doubt he can ever run operations again. Not to mention TF hasn't been providing EPF,SOCSO,EIS (these are provident funds contribution and employee insurance which is compulsory to provide in Malaysia by the employers) or Tax for the employees it's only a matter of time before they die. Still it was a refreshing experience for me. I guess I don't have family commitment so I didn't come out bad from this. Can't say for the other employees who quit their stable job to work for this scam start up.

[themoneybuff-blog]

Which matters more for building wealth: your saving rate or your investment returns?

241 Shares My name is Zach, and I write at Four Pillar Freedom, where I tend to tackle financial topics through data visualization. While J.D. is on vacation, I offered to explore one of his favorite topics: the effects of saving rate versus investment returns. Albert Einstein supposedly once said that compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world.But does data actually support this claim? In this post, I explore the nature of compound interest, how long it takes to become an important factor in wealth accumulation, and whether or not it actually matters much for people who hope to achieve financial independence in a relatively short time. What matters more: your saving rate or your investment returns? Accumulating Wealth in the Early Years Suppose your goal is to achieve a net worth of $1 million. If you invest $10,000 every year and earn a 7% annual return on your investments which is a reasonable assumption for long-term stock market returns you'll accumulate $1 million in about 30.7 years. The chart below shows exactly how long it would take to reach every $100,000 net worth milestone, using the assumptions of a $10,000 annual investment earning a 7% annual return:

Notice how each $100,000 net worth milestone takes less time to reach than the last. In fact, it's mind-boggling to see that it will take youlongerto go from $0 to $100,000 than it will to go from $600,000 to $1 million:

The first $100,000 takes the longest to save because you don't receive much help from investment returns early on. The time it takes you to go from $0 to $100,000 is mostly dependent on the gap between your income and your spending. The following chart shows just how much savings contribute to net worth growth compared to investment returns:

If you invest $10,000 each year at a 7% annual rate of return, you'll go from $0 to $100,000 in 7.84 years and a whopping 78% of that $100,000 will come purely from savings. Important note: For the sake of simplicity, we're assuming a steady 7% annual return in these examples. It makes things easier. But please remember that in real life, returns are almost never average. Some years, the stock market drops 10%. Other years, it gains 20%. Over the long term, however, the average real returns are close to 7%. So, we're keeping things clearer by using that number. Even if you earn higher annual investment returns, the majority of your first $100,000 will still come from savings. The table below shows how much savings account for each $100,000 net worth milestone based on different annual rates of return:

On the low end, if you only earn 3% annual returns, then savings will account for 89% of your total net worth growth from $0 to $100,000. On the high end, if you earn 9% annual returns, then savings will still only account for 74% of total net worth growth. Note: This is why Get Rich Slowly has written many times before that the number-one factor in determining how much you'll have in retirement is the amount you save. The good news is that once you cross the $100,000 net worth milestone, investment returns begin to help you. For example, if you keep investing $10,000 each year at a 7% annual rate of return, then 49% of your net worth growth from $100,000 to $200,000 will come from investment returns:

So, even though you're saving and investing the same amount each year ($10,000), it will only take you 5.1 years to go from $100,000 to $200,000 since investment returns add to your net worth. Notice how it takes less and less time to accumulate each $100,000 because investment returns begin to account for more growth as time goes on. Why Your First $100,000 is Such a Big Deal You might find these charts discouraging if you're someone who has yet to save their first $100,000. After all, the numbers don't lie: The first $100,000 takes the longest to accumulate. Warren Buffett's longtime business partner Charlie Munger even once said, The first $100,000 is a bitch! The good news, though, is that accumulating your first $100,000 represents a huge milestone. If your goal is to save $1 million, then $100,000 only represents 10% of your total goal. But lets instead view wealth accumulation from a time perspective: It takes 7.84 years to get your hands on that first $100,000 and a total of 30.7 years to go from $0 to $1 million. This means accumulating the first $100,000 takes up a whopping 26% (7.84 years / 30.7 years) of the total time it takes to accumulate $1 million:

Although it may not feel like a huge milestone in terms of dollars, accumulating your first $100,000is a huge milestone in terms of time. It's fascinating to see how much time each $100,000 milestone actually accounts for on the road to $1 million. For example, going from $100,000 to $200,000 represents 17% of the total journey in terms of years:

This means that accumulating your first $200,000 represents 43% of the journey to $1 million in terms of years. The table below showshow much time each $100,000 takes up on the journey to $1 million (again, assuming consistently investing $10,000 annually at a 7% rate of return):

As your net worth marches higher, each subsequent $100,000 takes less time to reach than the last. When Do Investment Returns Matter More Than Savings? We've seen that net worth growth can be slow in the early stages simply because you don't have enough money invested for investment returns to make much of a difference. As time goes on, though, investment returns begin to account for more and more net worth growth. You might be wondering:When do investment returns matter more than savings? To answer this, let's consider the case from earlier where you invest $10,000 and earn a 7% annual return.At the end of year one, you have your initial $10,000 plus $700 in investment returns for a total of $10,700. This means 93%($10,000 / $10,700)of your net worth growth came from savings and only 7%($700 / $10,700)came from investment returns.

In year two, you invest another $10,000 and again earn a 7% return. This year you would earn $1,449(($10,700 + $10,000) * 7%)from investment returns. This means 87%($10,000 / $11,449)of your net worth growth came from savings and 13%($1,449 / $11,449)came from investment returns:

If we keep doing these calculations each year, well find that investment returns account for more and more of yearly net worth increases as time goes on:

Notice how it takes about 11 years for investment returns to account for more yearly net worth growth than savings:

After year 11, investment returns become the main force that pull your net worth higher. Heres another way to view these numbers:

It turns out that no matter how much you save each year, these numbers hold true. For example, suppose you saved $20,000 consistently each year instead of $10,000:

Only the net worth numbers change. The percentages stay the same. Investment returns overtake savings again in year 11. But what if you earn less than 7% annual returns on your investments? For example, suppose you save $10,000 each year again but instead earn 5% annual returns:

We see a similar pattern: Investment returns slowly begin to account for more net worth growth over time, but in this scenario it takes about 15 years for returns to become more important than savings. This brings up an interesting question:How long does it take for investment returns to overtake savings for different annual return amounts? This table reveals the answer:

The lower your annual investment returns, the longer it takes for investment returns to become more important to net worth growth than savings. J.D.'s note: This last table is important, even though it might not seem so on first glance. Right now, the FIRE movement is hot, right? Everybody's talking about early retirement. A lot of young folks are able to quit their jobs because their investments have done so well. How well? My calculations show that as of today (28 Nov 2018), the stock market has returned an average of 15.06% annually since its bottom on 06 Mar 2009. This is an insanely high rate of return for an insanely long period of time, and it's allowed patient investors to rack up big returns quickly. Many folks aged 30 to 35 have only known this environment where investment returns are so strong that they soon matter more than the amount you save. This is not normal! When things do normalize, I believe it'll cool some of the heat the FIRE movement has been building. How Much Do Investment Returns Matter for Early Retirees? We've seen that the amount you save usually matters more than the investment returns you earn in the early years of a net worth journey. This brings up an interesting question: how much do investment returns matter for people who hope to achieve financial independence in a time span of only 10 to 20 years? According to the Financial Independence Grid, a household that is able to save 50% of their post-tax annual income each year will be able to achieve financial independence (25 times their annual expenses) in just 16.6 years, assuming they start with $0 and earn 5% investment returns each year:

Let's round this number up to 17 years and find out just how important investment returns vs. savings are on the road to financial independence. Using my Contributions vs. Returns Calculator, we can find out just how much investment returns matter. (Note: I'm using the term contributions and savings interchangeably here.) Consider a household that is able to invest $30,000 per year at a 5% annual rate of return for 17 years. At the end of these 17 years, they'll have $813,972, 63% of which will have come purely from savings. Only 37% of this total ending amount will have come from investment returns.

Consider instead if this household is able to earn 7% annual returns while still saving half of their income. It turns out that they would be able to achieve F.I. in just 15 years. In this case, investment returns would account for 44% of their total net worth after 15 years:

And if this same household instead earned stellar 10% annual returns, they would be able to achieve F.I. in just 13 years. In this case, investment returns would account for 52% of their total net worth after 13 years:

So, for people who are able to achieve F.I. in 13 to 17 years, investment returns account for anywhere from one-third to one-half of total net worth growth. But suppose this same couple experiences incredible 15% annual returns like we've seen since since the stock market bottom of March 2009, as J.D. previously mentioned. Here's the same financial independence grid from earlier, except with the assumptions of 15% annual investment returns instead of 5%:

If this same couple was able to save and invest half of their income each year at a 15% annual return, they would be able to achieve financial independence in just 11.1 years. For simplicity, let's round to 11 years and plug in the same numbers as we did earlier into theContributions vs. Returns Calculator:

It turns out that 61% of this couple's net worth after 11 years would be composed of investment returns. Recall that this same couple who earned 5% annual returns on their way to F.I. only had 37% of their final net worth composed of investment returns. That's a massive difference! As J.D. pointed out, these incredible returns since 2009 have given investors a huge boost over the past decade, but these type of returns are not typical. The stock market typically delivers around 7% annual returns, which is why I used that number consistently throughout this post. Conclusion We saw a few interesting things in this post: On a net worth journey, the first $100,000 often takes the longest to accumulate. Each subsequent $100,000 takes less and less time to accumulate, though.The amount you save matters more than your investment returns in the early years.For people who are able to achieve F.I. in 13 to 17 years, investment returns account for anywhere from one-third to one-half of total net worth growth. Your job as an individual is to focus on what you can control. This means focusing on increasing your income, keeping your spending in check, minimizing investment fees, and maintaining an asset allocation that aligns with your financial goals. If you hope to achieve financial independence in a relatively short period of time, you'll likely be better off focusing on these variables you can control rather than fretting over investment returns, which are largely out of your control and not likely to ever be as good as they have been over the past decade.

Author: Zach @ Four Pillar Freedom Zach is a personal finance blogger, an avid weightlifter, and a lover of data visualization. He was personally able to save $100,000 by age 24 through saving 60% or more of his income each month for two years straight. He's on a mission to teach people how to use principles from the fields of philosophy, psychology, work ethic, and finance to craft a rich and meaningful life. Read more from him at Four Pillar Freedom. 241 Shares https://www.getrichslowly.org/building-wealth/

[themoneybuff-blog]

Which matters more for building wealth: your saving rate or your investment returns?

My name is Zach, and I write at Four Pillar Freedom, where I tend to tackle financial topics through data visualization. While J.D. is on vacation, I offered to explore one of his favorite topics: the effects of saving rate versus investment returns. Albert Einstein supposedly once said that compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world.But does data actually support this claim? In this post, I explore the nature of compound interest, how long it takes to become an important factor in wealth accumulation, and whether or not it actually matters much for people who hope to achieve financial independence in a relatively short time. What matters more: your saving rate or your investment returns? Accumulating Wealth in the Early Years Suppose your goal is to achieve a net worth of $1 million. If you invest $10,000 every year and earn a 7% annual return on your investments which is a reasonable assumption for long-term stock market returns you'll accumulate $1 million in about 30.7 years. The chart below shows exactly how long it would take to reach every $100,000 net worth milestone, using the assumptions of a $10,000 annual investment earning a 7% annual return:

Notice how each $100,000 net worth milestone takes less time to reach than the last. In fact, it's mind-boggling to see that it will take youlongerto go from $0 to $100,000 than it will to go from $600,000 to $1 million:

The first $100,000 takes the longest to save because you don't receive much help from investment returns early on. The time it takes you to go from $0 to $100,000 is mostly dependent on the gap between your income and your spending. The following chart shows just how much savings contribute to net worth growth compared to investment returns:

If you invest $10,000 each year at a 7% annual rate of return, you'll go from $0 to $100,000 in 7.84 years and a whopping 78% of that $100,000 will come purely from savings. Important note: For the sake of simplicity, we're assuming a steady 7% annual return in these examples. It makes things easier. But please remember that in real life, returns are almost never average. Some years, the stock market drops 10%. Other years, it gains 20%. Over the long term, however, the average real returns are close to 7%. So, we're keeping things clearer by using that number. Even if you earn higher annual investment returns, the majority of your first $100,000 will still come from savings. The table below shows how much savings account for each $100,000 net worth milestone based on different annual rates of return:

On the low end, if you only earn 3% annual returns, then savings will account for 89% of your total net worth growth from $0 to $100,000. On the high end, if you earn 9% annual returns, then savings will still only account for 74% of total net worth growth. Note: This is why Get Rich Slowly has written many times before that the number-one factor in determining how much you'll have in retirement is the amount you save. The good news is that once you cross the $100,000 net worth milestone, investment returns begin to help you. For example, if you keep investing $10,000 each year at a 7% annual rate of return, then 49% of your net worth growth from $100,000 to $200,000 will come from investment returns:

So, even though you're saving and investing the same amount each year ($10,000), it will only take you 5.1 years to go from $100,000 to $200,000 since investment returns add to your net worth. Notice how it takes less and less time to accumulate each $100,000 because investment returns begin to account for more growth as time goes on. Why Your First $100,000 is Such a Big Deal You might find these charts discouraging if you're someone who has yet to save their first $100,000. After all, the numbers don't lie: The first $100,000 takes the longest to accumulate. Warren Buffett's longtime business partner Charlie Munger even once said, The first $100,000 is a bitch! The good news, though, is that accumulating your first $100,000 represents a huge milestone. If your goal is to save $1 million, then $100,000 only represents 10% of your total goal. But lets instead view wealth accumulation from a time perspective: It takes 7.84 years to get your hands on that first $100,000 and a total of 30.7 years to go from $0 to $1 million. This means accumulating the first $100,000 takes up a whopping 26% (7.84 years / 30.7 years) of the total time it takes to accumulate $1 million:

Although it may not feel like a huge milestone in terms of dollars, accumulating your first $100,000is a huge milestone in terms of time. It's fascinating to see how much time each $100,000 milestone actually accounts for on the road to $1 million. For example, going from $100,000 to $200,000 represents 17% of the total journey in terms of years:

This means that accumulating your first $200,000 represents 43% of the journey to $1 million in terms of years. The table below showshow much time each $100,000 takes up on the journey to $1 million (again, assuming consistently investing $10,000 annually at a 7% rate of return):

As your net worth marches higher, each subsequent $100,000 takes less time to reach than the last. When Do Investment Returns Matter More Than Savings? We've seen that net worth growth can be slow in the early stages simply because you don't have enough money invested for investment returns to make much of a difference. As time goes on, though, investment returns begin to account for more and more net worth growth. You might be wondering:When do investment returns matter more than savings? To answer this, let's consider the case from earlier where you invest $10,000 and earn a 7% annual return.At the end of year one, you have your initial $10,000 plus $700 in investment returns for a total of $10,700. This means 93%($10,000 / $10,700)of your net worth growth came from savings and only 7%($700 / $10,700)came from investment returns.

In year two, you invest another $10,000 and again earn a 7% return. This year you would earn $1,449(($10,700 + $10,000) * 7%)from investment returns. This means 87%($10,000 / $11,449)of your net worth growth came from savings and 13%($1,449 / $11,449)came from investment returns:

If we keep doing these calculations each year, well find that investment returns account for more and more of yearly net worth increases as time goes on:

Notice how it takes about 11 years for investment returns to account for more yearly net worth growth than savings:

After year 11, investment returns become the main force that pull your net worth higher. Heres another way to view these numbers:

It turns out that no matter how much you save each year, these numbers hold true. For example, suppose you saved $20,000 consistently each year instead of $10,000:

Only the net worth numbers change. The percentages stay the same. Investment returns overtake savings again in year 11. But what if you earn less than 7% annual returns on your investments? For example, suppose you save $10,000 each year again but instead earn 5% annual returns:

We see a similar pattern: Investment returns slowly begin to account for more net worth growth over time, but in this scenario it takes about 15 years for returns to become more important than savings. This brings up an interesting question:How long does it take for investment returns to overtake savings for different annual return amounts? This table reveals the answer:

The lower your annual investment returns, the longer it takes for investment returns to become more important to net worth growth than savings. J.D.'s note: This last table is important, even though it might not seem so on first glance. Right now, the FIRE movement is hot, right? Everybody's talking about early retirement. A lot of young folks are able to quit their jobs because their investments have done so well. How well? My calculations show that as of today (28 Nov 2018), the stock market has returned an average of 15.06% annually since its bottom on 06 Mar 2009. This is an insanely high rate of return for an insanely long period of time, and it's allowed patient investors to rack up big returns quickly. Many folks aged 30 to 35 have only known this environment where investment returns are so strong that they soon matter more than the amount you save. This is not normal! When things do normalize, I believe it'll cool some of the heat the FIRE movement has been building. How Much Do Investment Returns Matter for Early Retirees? We've seen that the amount you save usually matters more than the investment returns you earn in the early years of a net worth journey. This brings up an interesting question: how much do investment returns matter for people who hope to achieve financial independence in a time span of only 10 to 20 years? According to the Financial Independence Grid, a household that is able to save 50% of their post-tax annual income each year will be able to achieve financial independence (25 times their annual expenses) in just 16.6 years, assuming they start with $0 and earn 5% investment returns each year:

Let's round this number up to 17 years and find out just how important investment returns vs. savings are on the road to financial independence. Using my Contributions vs. Returns Calculator, we can find out just how much investment returns matter. (Note: I'm using the term contributions and savings interchangeably here.) Consider a household that is able to invest $30,000 per year at a 5% annual rate of return for 17 years. At the end of these 17 years, they'll have $813,972, 63% of which will have come purely from savings. Only 37% of this total ending amount will have come from investment returns.

Consider instead if this household is able to earn 7% annual returns while still saving half of their income. It turns out that they would be able to achieve F.I. in just 15 years. In this case, investment returns would account for 44% of their total net worth after 15 years:

And if this same household instead earned stellar 10% annual returns, they would be able to achieve F.I. in just 13 years. In this case, investment returns would account for 52% of their total net worth after 13 years:

So, for people who are able to achieve F.I. in 13 to 17 years, investment returns account for anywhere from one-third to one-half of total net worth growth. But suppose this same couple experiences incredible 15% annual returns like we've seen since since the stock market bottom of March 2009, as J.D. previously mentioned. Here's the same financial independence grid from earlier, except with the assumptions of 15% annual investment returns instead of 5%:

If this same couple was able to save and invest half of their income each year at a 15% annual return, they would be able to achieve financial independence in just 11.1 years. For simplicity, let's round to 11 years and plug in the same numbers as we did earlier into theContributions vs. Returns Calculator:

It turns out that 61% of this couple's net worth after 11 years would be composed of investment returns. Recall that this same couple who earned 5% annual returns on their way to F.I. only had 37% of their final net worth composed of investment returns. That's a massive difference! As J.D. pointed out, these incredible returns since 2009 have given investors a huge boost over the past decade, but these type of returns are not typical. The stock market typically delivers around 7% annual returns, which is why I used that number consistently throughout this post. Conclusion We saw a few interesting things in this post: On a net worth journey, the first $100,000 often takes the longest to accumulate. Each subsequent $100,000 takes less and less time to accumulate, though.The amount you save matters more than your investment returns in the early years.For people who are able to achieve F.I. in 13 to 17 years, investment returns account for anywhere from one-third to one-half of total net worth growth. Your job as an individual is to focus on what you can control. This means focusing on increasing your income, keeping your spending in check, minimizing investment fees, and maintaining an asset allocation that aligns with your financial goals. If you hope to achieve financial independence in a relatively short period of time, you'll likely be better off focusing on these variables you can control rather than fretting over investment returns, which are largely out of your control and not likely to ever be as good as they have been over the past decade.

Author: Zach @ Four Pillar Freedom Zach is a personal finance blogger, an avid weightlifter, and a lover of data visualization. He was personally able to save $100,000 by age 24 through saving 60% or more of his income each month for two years straight. He's on a mission to teach people how to use principles from the fields of philosophy, psychology, work ethic, and finance to craft a rich and meaningful life. Read more from him at Four Pillar Freedom. https://www.getrichslowly.org/building-wealth/