#i put the /11 on the fic like six hours ago and now here i am changing it to /10 lmao

[blouisparadise]

Today we are excited to bring you the second part to our rec list of exes to lovers fics. You can find the first part to this rec list here. Please note that in some of these fics, they’re broken up before the story begins, and in some of these fics, they break up over the course of the story and then reunite. Happy reading!

1) The Prints Of Your Hands Are Still On My Canvas | Explicit | 4,563 words

Harry and Louis broke up not long ago. Everything was fine until then, problems started with Louis’ heat just around the corner, an important presentation that he could not miss, and a very visible (or more like invisible) alpha that could help him go through his heat. And then Harry shows up. (Again.)

2) Unspoken | Explicit | 5,175 words

Harry and Louis broke up when they were nineteen. They see each other after six years.

3) The Writing On the Wall | Explicit | 6,705 words

When BookToker Louis receives a gift basket filled with all his favorite sweets, wines, and stuffed animals alongside the new Harry Styles book, he’s shocked at the story he finds in the pages.

4) Can I Stand In Your Light, Just For A While? | Mature | 11,875 words

“But like, if they offered you that much money it means they really really want your works.” Niall continued. “I mean I guess, I still don’t get why,” he shrugged. “It's because you’re an amazing artist Lou.” Niall squeezed Louis’ arm. “Also, maybe the CEO guy has some sort of crush on you, and that's why.” “I really hope that's not true.” The man paid for his tomatoes and put them into his tote bag. “Why? Is the guy ugly? Bald?” Niall babbled. “No, Niall…” “Old? I bet he’s old.” “Niall! It's Harry, he’s the CEO guy.” Louis sighed. “What?!” Niall shrieked, probably startling the whole block.

5) Wedding Bells Will Never Ring For Me | Explicit | 14,807 words

After a failed proposal a few years back, Louis gets an unexpected invitation to his ex - Harry’s – wedding.

6) Nothing’s Scarier Than Losing You | Explicit | 15,463 words

When Louis and Harry run into each other at a Halloween party two months after their breakup, they’re reminded of how rude, infuriating, and utterly perfect for each other they are.

7) How You Sleep At Night | Mature | 15,568 words

“-And…this is Louis.” And just that. ‘This is Louis.’ Louis feels like throwing up out of nowhere. So, that’s it then? Is he just a ‘Louis’ to him now?

8) Silk Chiffon | Explicit | 20,122 words

Louis gets a message from his ex making fun of him for pretending to know how to cook on Instagram. They settle on a simple bet, Louis had to be Harry's perfect little housewife for an entire month.

9) Under The Rain Or Under The Snow | Explicit | 20,667 words

Christmas AU where they broke up a month ago but Harry shows up at Louis’ childhood home for the holidays. Louis didn’t tell his mum about their breakup so staying with them is not ideal. Harry stays.

10) My Waves Meet Your Shore | Mature | 23,873 words

When Louis gets an email from his ex - Harry - it shouldn't surprise him as much as it does; they're parents now and it isn't rare to communicate with each other. But this? He wasn't expecting it at all.

11) Your Heart Is Dangled In Front Of Me | Explicit | 27,085 words

Harry Styles prides himself in being one of the best detectives in The 28th Precinct. But if there’s one case he can’t solve, it’s his marriage. At least not on his own. Joining forces with his five-year-old son and a free-spirited murderer-on-trial, Harry does whatever it takes to bring Louis back.

12) Somebody's Got Your Trainers On (It's You) | Explicit | 28,000 words

Louis hasn't thought about Harry since half an hour after the shift started, when Krystle told him that she was binging Gogglebox last night and therefore didn't get enough sleep - a sure reminder of Harry’s temporary Gogglebox obsession. Five hours isn't much without thinking about someone, but that's as long as it gets. Louis came to terms with that two years ago. When Harry walked out the door with his stupid New Balance trainers and never looked back.

13) Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles | Explicit | 34,293 words

Styles was a name everyone knew. It had evolved into something of a fairy tale, a far away problem that normal people didn’t have to deal with. Louis never thought he’d find himself falling in love with him. When he finds himself pregnant with Harry’s child, he knows he has to leave the life, and Harry, behind. For her sake. He never expected Harry to show back up on his doorstep five years later.

14) The Wounds That Scarred Our Souls | Explicit | 35,910 words

Forever was nothing but a lie, Forever was just a ruse for the human heart, it gave you hope and then killed you. Forever was just a myth.

15) Stay Until Tomorrow | Explicit | 36,766 words

There’s a dull ache seeping through Louis’ body as he wakes up; a mild headache from last night’s alcohol intake, a cramp in his right arm from sleeping on it weird and a familiar soreness between his arse cheeks that Louis fully blames on his lousy one night stand.

16) Borrow The Moonlight | Explicit | 37,738 words

Louis and Harry broke up three years ago. The last thing Louis expects to see when he’s sent to help a guest is Harry, 3000 miles away from where he’s supposed to be.

17) The Space Between | Explicit | 39,917 words

Harry Styles is the alpha rockstar who can’t sleep and doesn’t know why. Louis Tomlinson is the omega PhD student who helps him figure it out.

18) Just A Flicker In The Dark | Explicit | 57,204 words

Louis is a struggling witch desperate to prove himself after yet another magic disaster and finds a calling in the haunted house of client Niall Horan. Things get more complicated when he’s assigned a case partner: acclaimed medium and ex-boyfriend, Harry S

19) Dark Doom, Honey | Explicit | 57,801 words

Note: There is also an AU version of this fic, which is also an exes to lovers fic.

Louis lifted one shoulder, lips slightly pursed. “You are acting like an asshole.” Harry’s mouth pressed into a thin line, eyebrows knitting together. “I wasn’t being an asshole, I was following my own rules. The ones I always follow when I’m about to start an arrangement with a new submissive. If you don’t want this or are having doubts, we should stop now. But if we do this, I do want to make something clear, I’ll never do anything you don’t want to, but you have to be aware that I’ll never be sweet, I don’t do sweet, you already saw what I do. If you want something different you can go on dates, this is not that. Are we clear?” It was the perfect way out. Louis could simply say no and their lives would keep on going as they were. So far, nothing was changed beyond repair. But he wanted to be. At some point in his life, way before Harry and the betrayals, Louis lost a little of himself, and had never felt closer to getting it back than in Lair, with Harry. “Crystal.”

20) Men of Steel, Men of Power | Explicit | 58,849 words

“You’ve been watching me,” Styles said. Louis swallowed around nothing. He tried for light. “You’re the newest addition, people are bound to be curious,” he said. “Sure,” said Styles, in a somewhat condescending tone. “I’m not that daft, I do notice the curiosity regarding my clothes. That’s not what you’re doing though, hm?” Styles’ gaze was intense, and Louis could feel it burn on the side of his face, but kept his eyes stubbornly on the coffee cup. “I,” he said, licked his lips. Took a deep breath, tried to look open, confident, dominant. Alpha.

21) It’s Golden, Like Daylight | Explicit | 61,496 words

"I actually think you might be onto something.” Harry’s eyes widened. “You mean…” Louis nodded. “As crazy and insane as this, this might just solve both of our problems.” “Are you saying you’re in?” Harry asked. “I’m in.”

22) Feeling Borrowed, Always Blue | Explicit | 68,214 words

Louis has been dreaming of his wedding since he was young - he just never expected it to happen like this. words

23) Violent Delights | Not Rated | 76,174 words

Prince Harry is arranged to mate Princess Charlotte, but first he must spend a month completing courting traditions which ends in a mating ceremony. When he arrives to the Tomlinson castle, he finds the forbidden North wing holds that which the family has worked hard to keep secret. Mainly: the sickly sweet Prince Louis, who’s rare gender has forced his family to keep him locked away for his own protection.

24) Sink Into Your Sunlight | Explicit | 79,562 words

In the grand scheme of things Louis did believe in love, what he didn’t believe was that he would ever find it in his life time for himself. Low and behold he would find it with someone he didn’t anticipate, now it was just a matter of having it work out the way he dreamed of.

25) Halfway Home | Mature | 103,158 words

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson were improbable childhood friends, much to Harry’s dismay. They were thrown together each summer when Harry was forced to visit Louis’ grandfathers’ ranch in Black Hills, South Dakota. With each passing year, their friendship blossomed into something more. When trail rides turned to stolen kisses, and tragedies turned to confessions until they could no longer deny the inevitable draw they felt for one another. Though life and their future plans soon set them on different paths. Ten years later, Louis is the proud owner of Halfway Home Wildlife Refuge. Harry returns to the ranch to escape the perils of his past in London, and though their memories still haunt Louis, he won’t let that deter him from his goals. However, someone has been keeping a close eye on the refuge, and possibly Louis specifically, and Harry’s return may have unleashed more than just old passions. There’s a hunter lurking in the Hills, someone who’s decided they’ve bided their time long enough.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[queenshelby]

Chemical Reactions (P. 15)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy as J Robert Oppenheimer x Student Reader

Warning: Age-Gap, Infidelity, Smut

Words: 4,566

Note: The fic is spoiler free and my own fantasy and imagination. It is not historically and scientifically accurate.

Previous Parts: 1; 2; 3; 4; 5; 6; 7; 8; 9; 10; 11; 12; 13; 14

The morning after….

Early morning sunlight streamed through the sheer curtains covering the window in a room still somewhat unfamiliar to you. Even after six weeks, you were not used to waking up like this, next to the man you had unexpectedly fallen in love with.

You were still blissfully unaware of the new day's arrival, the sunlight falling on your face and illuminating your skin until you seemed to glow with the morning's light. As the early hours of the morning wore on, you began to stir, shifting your position repeatedly in the quest for comfort and a few more minutes of blissful unconsciousness.

But, your quest was abruptly cut short as you felt an alien sensation enter your world. At first, your mind, still clouded by sleep, could not identify it, and all you knew was that it was not Robert by your site.

It was a different feeling, almost like a whiff of air slowly following the curvature of your spine as it made its way down your back. Stopping at the small of your back, it would rebound, travelling upwards until it reached its starting location and began the process anew.

“Y/N?” you then heard a voice, quiet and nervous, and your quickly-wakening mind slowly came to grips with the feeling.

It was, indeed, cold air that slowly moved over your naked back as someone entered the room, quietly, ensuring not to wake you until they were sure it was you as you were facing the opposite direction.

“Lilli? What are…” you began to say, recognising her voice as you turned over quickly in bed, suddenly coming face to face with the source of your awakening.

“I hope you are well rested, Y/N, but you have to get up right now”, Lilli said, her eyes staring into yours with a mix of concern and apprehension.

“Where is Robert?” you asked, seeing she was in his house and knew about your relationship now as she stood in his bedroom, out of all places.

“In the lab, dealing with an incident,” Lilli informed you before throwing your clothes at you, which were found scattered across the bedroom floor.

“Another?” you asked, surprised, while quickly putting on your underwear, pants and blouse.

“Yes, but that is the least of your problems right now”, Lilli told you before informing you that, an hour ago, Kitty Oppenheimer arrived at Los Alamos and is currently undergoing the intake.

“Fuck”, you cursed before hurrying up and gathering your things quickly.

“Make sure you grab everything. Now hurry,” Lilli hurried you along, panicking and knowing very well that she should not be here at Robert Oppenheimer’s residence, warning his mistress, who happened to be her friend.

In Lilli’s mind, all this was disastrous, and without speaking to each other initially, you followed Lilli back to T-101 in haste.

Deep down inside, you hated Kitty being at Los Alamos and taking Robert away from you, but you also knew that she had every right to. After all, you were the intruder in their marriage, not the other way around. But then, there was Robert’s promise. He promised you it would just be you and him, and now this promise was broken.

That, of course, you knew was not his fault and yet, you desperately wanted his wife to go away and pretend for a bit longer than your relationship was what you believed it was. Robert was your lover and the one you hoped to be with for the rest of your life, and the thought of this prospect filled your heart with blissful warmth.

Being your friend, Lilli, of course, cautioned you, and just as you rearranged your things inside the small room of yours, she started to give you a lecture.

“Out of all men in Los Alamos, it had to be Robert Oppenheimer? Really?” Lillie asked seriously, seeing that Dr Oppenheimer should have been off-limits for you and anyone else. Not only was he married to someone else, but he was also the man in charge, and you could be seen as sleeping your way atop.

“Let’s just say that we have some history,” you told Lilli, knowing you could not lie to her. After all, she had just saved you from great embarrassment.

“So, you had an affair with him for a while then?” Lilli asked to which you took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes.

“We got involved with each other back at Berkley around five months ago,” you told her as you felt a wave of guilt overcome you, knowing that, what you were doing, was wrong.

“Are you in love with him?” Lilli wanted to know, and this was a question you had been dreading since the moment Lilli found out.

“Yes, which is ironic since, until most recently, I did not even believe in love, and I told him that. But then, I received letter after letter from him, and they changed things for me,” you explained, which Lilli took a moment to process since there had been rumours about these letters and some allegations about an affair. The women at the switchboards and in the correspondence review department liked to gossip, and while Robert used unofficial channels to contact you, some of them still knew that he had been seeing someone else. To Liili, there was no doubt that Kitty knew as well, which was probably why she was here now. She wanted to save her marriage; no one could blame her.

“Love is a fickle thing. You never know where you may find it,” Lilli said nonetheless, choosing her words wisely before telling you how she had found out about your affair with Robert Oppenheimer.

“Dr Oppenheimer wants you off the implosion research team as he is concerned about your exposure to plutonium. It was something he brought up with Hans Bethe and Teller yesterday, which made me wonder whether he took a particular interest in you and your reproductive health” Lillie chuckled before pointing out that she could also put one on one together. Your absence, flirting and long hours in the laboratory with no one but Robert Oppenheimer accompanying you gave it away, coupled with his worry and concern for you.

“He wants what?” you asked, interrupting her. You were somewhat shocked by Lilli's revelation since Robert did not bother to inform you about his conversations with Hans Bethe and Teller about pulling you off the team.

“Yes. Teller told me yesterday that you may be joining our team instead,” Lilli pointed out, to which you shook your head in disbelief. The thought of Robert betraying you like this left you nauseated again, and this nausea gave rise to Robert’s concerns in the first place.

“He may not be wrong, you know?” Lilli thus said before also telling you that you should get your health issues checked out as nausea is just one of the many signs of radiation poisoning.

“I do not have radiation poisoning,” you told Lilli while pulling your radiation tag off your pants and handing it to her.

“I had this scanned yesterday, and there is no radiation exposure. I am careful, and O told Robert this too,” you pointed out before grabbing some of your things scattered on your bed.

You then put your hair into a ponytail and washed down your face in readiness for work, although the laboratory was not the first place you were heading.

“Where are you going? We still have half an hour?” Lilli asked, seeing the anger and frustration written all over her face.

“Robert’s office because I am not abandoning my research,” you told Lilli, who was incredibly surprised by how confident you were.

“So, you will tell the project leader, Robert Oppenheimer, ‘no’?” Lilli chuckled, and you nodded.

“Yes, pretty much. I will tell him to mind his own business,” you spat before storming off, raging.

***

Several minutes later, you arrived at Robert’s office, but instead of finding him there, you saw only his secretary talking shop with Kitty Oppenheimer.

As usual, Kitty carried a flask filled with liquor and smoked a cigarette, looking elegant in a dress and wearing red lipstick.

Knowing that she was at Los Alamos, you expected to see her but did not expect to run into her at Robert’s office since the non-workings civilians were not usually granted access to the project side.

“Can I help you?” Robert’s secretary asked as you walked in, but before you could answer her question, Kitty took a good look at you and interrupted.

“Y/N Y/LN, is it?” she asked, pretending only to remember your name, and you knew that the truth was that she knew very well who you were.

“Yes, Mrs Oppenheimer. It is good to see you,” you lied, attempting to shake her hand, which was a gesture she refused.

“You look like a rag with dirty hands. I have no desire to touch them,” she said rather directly, causing you to swallow harshly.

“I seem to have a few issues getting the ink off my skin”, you said, seeing that your pen had been leaking for days and scrubbing them without success.

“Is ink what you are experimenting with?”  Kitty chuckled sarcastically, and whilst you wanted to respond with something like “No, I am experimenting with your husband”, you restrained yourself from doing so.

“No, Mrs Oppenheimer. But I do use ink to write down my findings. Would you please excuse me? I am here to see your husband,” you told her politely before looking up towards his office door, seeing whether he was inside.

“Robert isn’t here. I haven’t even seen him yet myself,” Kitty pointed out before sending you on your way, and it was not until this evening that you saw Robert again at a dinner party hosted by Hans Bethe and his wife, welcoming Kitty to Los Alamos.

***

Having worked with and studied under Hans, you were invited, and since you were desperate to speak with Robert, you attended.

You knew that, with his wife Kitty being there, you had to be careful and thus kept your distance from Robert the entire night until he eventually left the house to get some fresh air.

Pretending to need a cigarette, you followed him outside, and within less than a minute, you ended up inside the small laundry shed out the back where, hopefully, you could not be seen.

Just as Robert seized the opportunity and pulled you into the empty shed, however, trying to kiss you, you pulled away from him, and your hand slipped, leaving a red mark on his cheek.

“Don’t you dare, Robert?” you told him as anger filled your voice.

“I did not know that Kitty would come here. She said that she wouldn’t, but she changed her mind. Her mother passed away, and apparently, she needed a change of scenery,” Robert began to say, sighing deeply. However, you interrupted him again before he could finish his sentence, unwilling to hear any of his excuses.

“Robert, I am not angry with you because your wife is here. I am angry with you because you are pulling me off the implosion project without talking to me about it first,” you told him with great anger and, to your surprise, Robert cupped your face.

“Y/N, I am in love with you, and I am trying to keep you safe,” he told you gently while looking into your eyes again with his own, so blue that you could get lost within them.

“Fuck you, Robert,” you said nonetheless as, unbeknownst to him, you fought with yourself internally. It was the age-old fight between reason and desire.

“We had a deal”, you reminded him, and he had broken his promise to you.

“Does this research mean so much to you?” Robert asked, causing you to look at him with some confusion.

“Yes! Yes, it does,” you confirmed, and he nodded while approaching you like a punished dog.

“All right, I will keep you on the plutonium research for now, but I insist you take a medical next week. Are we clear?” Robert then told you with his eyes casting downward.

“Yes”, you promised him, smiling, but, unlike him, you looked straight ahead confidently.

“Now, do you forgive me, my love?” Robert was quick to ask, and you shook your head and smirked.  

“That depends,” you told him, pulling him towards you harshly while allowing yourself to lean against the sink behind you.

“This is not a good idea. We could get caught,” Robert cautioned you just before you placed your index finger against his lips.

‘Not if you are quiet”, you told him while relishing the heat of his body against your own. You enjoyed the hold you knew you had over him, and whilst you were still hungry for answers as to why he intended to pull you from your research project, you couldn’t help but feel hungry for something else as well. The feeling of your internal heat was intense, and you pulled him towards you more tightly now until you were pressed together, chest to chest, belly to belly, thigh to thigh.

For a moment, you were both silent, staring at each other until, with a great shuddering breath, you slid your hand between you, fumbling with his belt.

“What are you doing?” Robert wanted to know while he was under your spell all so suddenly.

“Reminding you of your promise to me,” you told him just as your nose touched his, and you tipped your face upward and into a sudden kiss, taking Robert by surprise.

‘My promise to you will stand, always and forever, because I love you,” he said after quickly pulling his lips away from yours.

‘Good, now show me how much you love me, Dr Oppenheimer,” you told him again as you kissed him, and, by this point, you were becoming increasingly desperate for his touch.

“I want you to fuck me. Right here. While your wife is in there, enjoying her martinis,” you eventually said lightly against his lips, smiling seductively before, finally, craving complete contact.

‘Then take off your panties”, Robert said as, at the same time, you slowly pushed down his pants, demanding more.

‘I am not wearing any’, you teased while lifting one of your legs and throwing your arms around his neck.

‘Now that is very naughty, isn’t it?’ Robert chuckled as he reached for the thigh of your other leg, lifting that one, too, before pinning you against the sink.  

“Your cum has been leaking out of me all day. It’s such a divine feeling, Robert,”  you told him before pulling his lips towards yours again while hanging suspended, pressed against the sink, with Robert’s hands beneath you, lifting your skirt.

As you were kissing, you tugged at Robert’s hair to better angle your mouth towards him, taking his bottom lip into your own and biting down on it, maybe a little too sharply, eliciting a huff.

‘Let me give you more then’, Robert said, and with this, he immediately stumbled forward even further, and your back hit the sink more harshly now, knocking the air out of you. With one hand under each of your thighs, Robert continued to support you between the sink and his hips, bones digging into you painfully.

‘I simply love having sex with you and filling you with my cum”, Robert told you as he pulled back from your kisses to make eye contact with you while getting rid of the last bit of fabric between your respective cores.

‘I know you do’, you teased before carrying on, demanding more as the heat ran through your belly, urgent, painful, like a steady electric current, radiating out from your core, already slick with want and need.

‘I am at your mercy, my love. You are who I want to be with. Always’ Robert said teasingly as his lips moved to your throat.

‘Then divorce Kitty. End your marriage for me,’ you said as you began biting Robert’s ear while he buried his face in your chest.

‘I will. Soon Robert groaned while lifting you up until he could bite at your breast through the fabric of your blouse.

‘Good’, you moaned, breath heavy like a horse at the races, sweat dripping from you both. By this point, you could also already feel the head of your lover’s cock pushing against you, and a sense of electricity shot upward through your belly and into your chest.

You squirmed, and Robert smirked as he suddenly pushed his entire length into you with one firm stroke.

You gasped and shrieked with surprise before you tightened your legs around him, and he pulled out slightly and started the steady rhythm, muscles flexing through his shirt under your touch.

‘I love you, Y/N. I will always love you,’ Robert groaned as he kept thrusting into you while kissing your neck.

‘I love you too,’ you responded nonetheless as you pulled Robert’s head back harshly, using the fingers that were already tangled up in his hair, causing him to hiss in discomfort.

‘And you are mine, Robert’ you then smirked before lowering your legs forcefully against his grip and pushing him away from you with ease.

‘I am yours, my love,’ Robert confirmed before reaching for your hips again and spinning you around.

You gasped as your hands landed on the flat of the podium in front of you, and he pulled you back towards him again before entering you from behind.

‘I will always be yours’, Robert told you, and, by this point, the hunger on your face was almost too much to bear as Robert was hitting that lovely spot of yours.

‘Oh god, yes’, you moaned. You were panting and crying out for him, speaking his name in the most passionate way imaginable. You were nearing your end, and Robert’s hand slipped around your waist, and his long fingers soon found your clit. Gently, he circled your soft spot while thrusting in and out of you, hard and deep, making your legs quiver until you suddenly heard a noise from outside the small shed you were in.

“Robert?” you heard Kitty call out, looking for her husband and, just as she did, his hand came down on your mouth.

“Fuck”, you cursed against his palm, stalling as you were so goddamn close when, abruptly, the door opened, and you saw her while she saw you.

“I can’t say I am surprised, but I am disgusted”, was all she said before turning around and walking away from you both, returning to the house while Robert pulled out of you and gasped for air.

“And now?” you asked, adjusting your skirt.

“And now I go home with my wife and child”, he told you before kissing your forehead, leaving you saddened. “I am sorry, my love,” he told you but all you could do was nod.

[woulddieforloki]

my level of dumbassery is getting 821 words into the final chapter of one of my fanfics and then deciding the chapter before would be the perfect ending and ditching the 3+ hours of work I've spent on this not-finale in favor of the chapter before

[tobesobri]

Firstly, I apologize for how late this is and I know nobody is going to read this right now because it’s currently 11 PM BUT I still wanted to get this up on halloween and so here we are. 

A very long (31k words) smutty halloween fic with one bed, a ghost, enemies to lovers, and an unsolved murder case. (I’m sorry that there’s also very little editing)

He lifted his mouth after a moment. “I was right.”

He was positive she’d look just as dazed even if she did comprehend what he was saying. So, he chuckled, quickly explaining himself after guiding his lips to her ear.

“You’re cute when you come too.”

She shut her eyes again, laying her head back with her mouth open as she struggled to get enough oxygen in. “You’re welcome to be reminded of that any time you like.”

“Is that an invitation?”

She nodded without a single breath of hesitation. “Any time.” She reiterated.

“What about when you’re alone in your office?” He kissed his way down her neck, lips lingering on her pulse for a moment longer. Then he trailed his way back up to her ear, glancing at her face while he whispered, “Because I’ve thought about all the ways we can make your desk useful countless times.”

“Are you saying my desk is useless?”

He chuckled, his breath fanning out pieces of her hair which he quickly fixed, tucking it behind her ear as he then placed both hands on either side of her face and his forehead on hers, staring at her swollen lips while he spoke. “I think it’d be better utilized if I was fucking you on top of it.”

He wasn’t sure why his final breaking point had been what it was, but he was getting way too much pleasure out of fantasizing strangling her for the past ten miles—and then doing the same to their boss for putting him in this situation in the first place—that he was having to white-knuckle the steering wheel on their way through Maryland just to hold himself back.

“Can you just,” his grip tightened more, if that was even possible, “just pick a fucking song.” 

Maybe he should have lost his shit back at the start of this mess, when she was forced upon him, but twenty-six hours ago it had just been a minor inconvenience. Just a blip in all his plans that he had no choice but to accommodate for. 

Plus, he’d also been actively drinking his first pumpkin spice latte of the season and their boss could’ve have gotten away with murder right in front of him and it wouldn’t have bothered Harry.

However, perhaps worse than murder, his boss had decided at the very last minute to stick YN with him for the whopping six-hour trip to Lexington, VA to do research for a story they had both fought over. He knew it hadn’t been a random coincidence. Or that his boss suddenly had a change of heart. No. YN had made one last desperate attempt to snatch the story out from under him and, instead, ruined both of their weekend plans. 

And he was determined to make sure hers ended up worse than his—although, so far, he wasn’t doing nearly a good enough job of that. Every insult and glare he threw at her since they began their trip she’d just deflected and then came back with something even worse for him. 

Like when he’d told her that the Cheetos she’d brought with her were going to give her bad breath. She just shrugged and told him all the one-night stands he had were going to give him chlamydia. Then ate another Cheeto.

So, after that, he shut his mouth and stewed in his anger for a few miles until he had a clear enough head to come up with other ways to ruin her weekend. But he was beginning to fear she was just unbreakable and he was a fucking piece of tissue paper that was being ripped to shreds each of the twenty-seven times—yes, he was counting—she abruptly changed the damn song.

“I didn’t have time to make a playlist,” her excuse made Harry’s blood boil and then to make matters worse, she changed the song for the twenty-eighth time, “so I don’t know what to listen to.”

Harry spoke through gritted teeth as he seriously struggled to stop himself from swerving and hitting a light pole on her side of the car. Unfortunately for him, he’d opted out of buying the insurance for his rental, so that option was off the table. “You really don’t want me to remind you of why you didn’t have any time.” 

She sighed and finally set her phone down, letting Michael Jackson actually get to the chorus of Thriller for once. “I didn’t mean for this to happen, Harry, for the billionth time already.”

“No, of course not. You just meant to take the job from me after I’d already rented my car, booked my air bnb, packed my bags, did my preliminary research, and planned out my entire route and itinerary.”

She shuddered. “Don’t say that word.”

He glanced over at her like she was crazy. Which she was. Because that was the part where she was supposed to be apologizing to him and instead she was complaining about his word choices. 

Strangling her was becoming a very viable option now.

“What fucking word? Itinerary?”

“Yes that word. I don’t like it.”

“What else am I supposed to say then?”

She threw her hands up as if she was the one who was rightfully annoyed and then crossed them around herself as she actually sifted through her brain for a good synonym. It just annoyed him even more when her eyes widened the tiniest bit and he noticed the edge of her lips lift into one of her stupid, satisfied smiles.

“Schedule. You could’ve said schedule.”

He rolled his eyes. “Guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you care more about whether or not my word choice is personally offensive to you than apologizing for what you tried to do to me.”

“Oh my god,” she scrunched up her face at how big of a baby he was being right now, “don’t be so dramatic, Harry.”

He grumbled half under his breath, “It’s true though.”

She was the one rolling her eyes this time. “Yeah, I do care about how personally offensive I find your word choice, it’s why I never read your pieces.”

He realized then he really should have left it alone when she clearly was way past the point of apologizing to him—probably because she’d already apologized approximately fifty times. He was still mad though and now, on top of everything, she’d just taken an iron dagger right through his heart and it made him even angrier that he cared so much about whether or not she was reading his work. He didn’t always read hers either. 

“Yeah well at least I don’t overuse the word ‘literally.’”

“At least I write at my age level! You write like an old man! Fucking itinerary!” She sat back against her seat in a huff, quickly realizing she was getting way too heated but she really couldn’t help it when she was around him, he always brought out the worst in her and she was sure she had the same effect on him.

She considered the three-hour drive they still had ahead of them and brought her temper down a notch.

It didn’t last long when Harry opened his mouth again. “You realize saying I write like an old man just proves that you do actually read my writing.”

She ignored that because frankly she was done arguing over something so fucking stupid. “You know what, Harry? I already apologized to you a million times. I didn’t mean to crash your fucking five-star vacation to murder town. I told you how badly I wanted this story when it first came up. I called fucking dibs and you still got it over me, so, yeah, I tried to take it from you. Get over it. We’re stuck together now and trust me, I don’t like it anymore than you do.”

He was quiet then, and for most of the rest of the trip, really. They only spoke if it was necessary to communicate. Like when he needed to stop in Harrisonburg to go pee at a gas station and she begrudgingly asked him to buy her another bag of cheetos and a coke.

It was just getting dark when they finally arrived in Lexington, both still giving the other the silent treatment—though the tension between them had simmered—as Harry pulled into the driveway of the little bungalow he’d rented. And it was just that—little. As she stared at the house through the passenger window, she couldn’t see any possible way there was more than one bedroom in there. Unless the house got bigger in the back and she just couldn’t see it through the overgrowth of trees. Just as she turned to ask Harry about it, however, he was already out of the car and mumbling something about a security number.

Rolling her eyes, she unbuckled her seatbelt and followed him to the front door, leaving their suitcases behind until they’d checked the house out first. She stood behind him on the small front porch as he punched in a code on the bright red door that she assumed replaced a ley to make renting easier. The house from the outside was cute, like a little white cottage surrounded by all sorts of plant life and plenty of room between them and the neighboring houses, given them some privacy in case she did, in fact, end up viciously murdering Harry before their trip ended. 

“Do I get to know the code?” She asked as she followed him through the front door and into what appeared to be the living room. 

“No.” He quickly answered, flipping on a light switch as he walked further into the house and she shut the door behind her. Once her eyes adjusted to the light, she realized the house did not actually get any bigger in the back. The living room bled into the kitchen and there was just two doors to the right of the living room. The first was the bathroom, which was made clear when Harry swung the door open and switched on the light. And then with nothing but hope for a hidden second bedroom, she checked behind the second door. Flipping on the light, all her hopes dwindled down to nothing.

“Is there only one room?”

“It was just supposed to be me here, remember?”

“You couldn’t have booked something else once you found out I was coming?”

He shook his head and shut the bathroom door. “Too late to cancel, I wouldn’t have gotten any of my money back.” He spoke nonchalantly, completely unbothered by the situation.

She glanced inside the room again as Harry ventured into the small kitchen. The bedroom was also pretty small with just one queen-sized bed taking up most of the space, a small five-drawer dresser, floor-length mirror on the wall opposite the door that both opened up the space and showed her exactly what six hours of sitting in a car had done to her dark circles. There were also two nightstands with lamps that appeared as if they’d been stolen from a grandma’s house. Or maybe this was somebody’s grandma’s place that they were now renting out. 

Turning the light off in the bedroom, she shut the door behind her as she joined Harry in the kitchen. “So where do I sleep?”

Harry twisted around, having been investigating the fridge which appeared to be mostly empty besides a few unopened bottles of soda and water. “I’m sure there’s a hotel somewhere in town.”

Closing the fridge, he leaned against the peninsula counter opposite her, not even a hint of a playful smile on his face. “You can use the wifi and get a ride or whatever. But I paid for this place so…”

“It’s almost dark out,” she reminded him. They were literally here to investigate an unsolved murder case and he was… kicking her out? 

He just shrugged, “Better be quick then. I’m gonna go get my things.” Stepping out of the kitchen and around her, she watched him the entire time, waiting for some kind of punchline or… anything, really. He couldn’t be serious, could he?

“I can’t even get a ride?” She asked before he made it out the front door.

“I’ve been driving all day.” 

“Why didn’t you just drop me off at a hotel first then?”

He finally turned to face her, grabbing the doorknob as he did. “Why did you just assume you get free room and board? You invited yourself, remember?” And with that, he was out the door. 

She could not believe he was being completely fucking serious. 

She glanced around the living room. She supposed she could make the couch work. It was only a few nights, anyway. Maybe if she offered to split the costs, he’d let her stay. His words did still annoyingly sting the backs of her eyes, though. It was stupid to react that way, she knew that, but him bringing up that up again just emphasized the fact that he clearly did not want her around and it made her feel like shit. It made her want to just go home and never talk to him again, in fact. But that wasn’t really a logical option.

She made use of her time alone to check out the local hotels just in case. But then quickly realized he hadn’t given her the wifi code and there was practically no service. So that was a bust. She shoved her phone back into her pocket and really hoped he wasn’t actually going to be that cruel. They didn’t always get along, sure, but she’d never just kick him to the curb like that no matter how irritated she was at him.

As she stood in the middle of the living room, not sure if she should also retrieve her things from his car, her worries quickly shifted when she felt something touch her shoulder. Almost like someone had just tapped her from behind. She whirled around to nothing, though. Taking a couple steps away, her eyes darted around as if maybe she’d find someone hiding somewhere. This was a rental house after all, anything was possible.

“Is someone there?” She asked, and the silence that followed only made matters worse. 

Maybe she didn’t want to stay here after all.

Or maybe being alone in a car with Harry for six hours had really driven her crazy.

Moments later, she was jumping and whirling around agian for an entirely different reason as Harry came barreling through the front door with his suitcase and pillows in tow. He kicked the door shut with his foot and the froze as his eyes met hers.

“Why do you look like you’ve just seen a ghost?”

She wanted to tell him it was because she might have just done exactly that. But it would only give him more fuel to torture her with, so she calmed down and forgot about it. “What if I give you money, can I stay here then?” 

Rolling his eyes, he huffed as he carried his things toward the bedroom. “I wasn’t being serious, YN.”

Now she was confused. “Kinda seemed like you were.”

He stopped short, not far from her now, possibly only a few feet away as he met her gaze again. “Guess I can’t be offended you think I’m really the type of person to do something like that.”

“Then why…?”

He shrugged. “Makes me feel better being mean to you right now.” Then he stalked off to the bedroom and she let out a deep breath that she’d almost been scared to do ever since she’d felt that tap on her shoulder.

She still wasn’t sure she was comfortable having to sleep on the couch after that, but it was better than trying to get a hotel by herself at this time of night in a small town she’d never stepped foot into before.

After all, it was way more plausible that she’d just been imagining things anyway.

Harry emerged from the bedroom then, leaning on the doorframe. “Are you gonna get your stuff or just stand there all night?”

She blinked a couple times and then took off without another word, or even meeting his gaze. He might not have been being serious about making her leave, but there was no way she’d be getting anything but the couch all weekend. It would definitely do immense damage to her back and neck by the time they left, but she wasn’t about to impose on him any further, especially when she already knew what kind of answer he would give if she asked to share the bed.

It would probably sound something like, hell fucking no, are you insane? In his deep accented voice that would either annoy her or make her cower, there was really no telling. 

She shoved thoughts of Harry and whatever the hell had tapped on her shoulder from her mind as she grabbed her suitcase, makeup bag, and purse, making her way back in after shutting up his rental car. The biggest pitfall of the whole weekend was that she hadn’t thought to bring any pillows or blankets, assuming those would just be provided with a bed. Maybe there was a linen closet she could borrow from, she hoped.

While Harry was unpacking in the bedroom, she took up root in the living room, toeing out of her boots first before opening her suitcase up just so she could locate her pajamas and toothbrush and then zipped it shut, tucking all her things neatly into the far empty corner next to the fireplace. At least she had a pretty decent TV above the mantle place, and she didn’t remember seeing one in Harry’s room. There was one plus.

She escaped into the bathroom to change and brush her teeth quickly, emerging five minutes later in her shorts and t-shirt that she’d also packed assuming she’d have a blanket to keep her warm.

Glancing in the bedroom as she passed, she spotted Harry lounging on the bed, engulfed in his phone, possibly overlooking his stupid itinerary for tomorrow. She’d agreed, when they’d first discussed their division of labor, that they’d follow his lead since he had already planned everything out anyway. She didn’t really like that he made it sound like she was just going to be his practical assistant, but back then she was just glad to be involved in the story. Now, however, it gave her a bitter taste on the back of her tongue. She wanted them to be equally involved, split everything fifty-fifty. But that was also something that felt like imposing and was the furthest thing from what she wanted.

Sighing, she sought out any cupboard that could possibly house a blanket, and if she was really lucky, a spare pillow or two. The pillows on the couch were not only made of that terrible, scratchy, grandma-floral fabric, but they appeared to also actually be older than she was. However, with the lack of storage space, she just came up short. Not even the small cabinet in the bathroom had anything useful. 

She gave up when she heard footsteps and headed for the couch, attempting to locate the remote while Harry wandered into the kitchen without saying a word. She kept her eye on him, though, peaking over her shoulder after she clicked on the TV, watching as he sat at the small, circular dining table that was tucked up under a window. It’d probably have a nice view in the morning, letting sunlight in. But right now, as the curtains were drawn, she couldn’t think of anything besides seeing a ghost pop up outside. Shuddering, she spied on Harry for a moment longer as he scrawled in a notebook before she took to finding a cable station that would suffice her need to forget all the unfortunate circumstances her weekend would entail.

However, every time she switched the channel, she was met with static after static. What was the point of the TV if it didn’t even work?

“You can only use the HDMI cable. I didn’t think it would matter since…” Harry’s voice startled her and when she turned, he was standing behind her. And no, he didn’t need to finish that sentence because she already knew how it would end. It wouldn’t have mattered because Harry was supposed to be here alone this weekend. 

“It’s fine.” She mumbled, flipping the TV off and setting the remote back down where she’d found it on the coffee table. It was also, like the rest of the house, small and compact. In fact, she had begun to fear for her legs as well as her back and neck once she’d finally sat on the couch and realized it was more… loveseat-sized and not nearly long enough for her. It was her only option, though, so she’d have to deal. Maybe tomorrow, in the daylight, she could find a hotel. 

“Here.” Turning back to him, she found him holding out a folded piece of paper to her and after she took it from him, he ventured back to the dining table without another word. The paper didn’t really need an explanation though because when she flipped it over, she found he’d written out both the wifi password and the house code. At least she could entertain herself on her laptop, she supposed. 

After punching the password into her phone, she set the paper on the table beside the remote, saving it for later when Harry eventually went to bed. She didn’t exactly want him to know she was rewatching Criminal Minds again for the billionth time.

He cleared his throat after a moment of her checking her email and she turned to meet his gaze. “Are you, um, hungry or anything?”

She thought for a moment. They hadn’t gotten dinner, but the Cheetos she’d eaten toward the end of the trip gave her heartburn, so, no she wasn’t really all that hungry. Shaking her head, she turned back to her phone. “I’m fine. If you want something though…”

“I might go out and get something and drive around the town for a little bit. I wanted to see some of the places before we go tomorrow.”

She glanced down at herself, realizing she’d have to change back into her clothes if she went with him. And she did want to go, mostly because she was still too freaked out to be staying in this house all by herself. Also because she was just as curious about the town as he was.

“You don’t have to go, though, I won’t be that long.”

She weighed the cumbersome task of changing back into her clothes against the possibility of staying by herself with a potential ghost and quickly stood, leaving her phone on the table as she went for her suitcase in the corner.

“Just give me a minute to change back into my clothes.” As she grabbed the jeans and flannel shirt she’d worn on the trip down, she suddenly considered the idea that maybe Harry wanted to go by himself. And that maybe she was just imposing again.

With her clothes in hand, she turned to find him gathering his things, putting his wallet into his back pocket and clipping his keys to one of his belt loops. She had always, shamefully, enjoyed watching Harry do things. He was far too attractive for one, almost to a ridiculous amount, so everything he did was attractive even if it was the most mundane thing ever. Like once, in the office, she couldn’t take her eyes off him as she watched him making coffee in the break room while she waited impatiently to use the machine next. Then there was just the fact that he was so quiet sometimes. She always wanted to know what he was thinking about while he did those things. How he always seemed so calm and peaceful and how he went from that to how he often behaved around her. She couldn’t even remember at this point why they didn’t like each other much, but to be fair, YN didn’t really get along with too many people. She preferred keeping to herself and never really let anyone all that close. So, even though they argued more than anything, Harry was one of the only coworkers she actually spoke to outside of just work matters. 

Probably because he unfortunately knew too much about her and so she might as well be his friend. If they could be considered friends. She wasn’t sure. But he knew all about her current obsessions, knew how she liked her coffee, knew she hated carrots and mushrooms with a burning passion, and he knew all the shitty details about her ex-boyfriend. Amongst way too many other things. She didn’t like people knowing things about her, but Harry never made her feel like she regretted sharing pieces of her with him, so she allowed it. Most of the time. When they kind of got along. 

Blinking back to reality, she found him staring at her, his eyebrows furrowed. “Did you say something?”

He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. “Nevermind… I’ll wait in the car.” Then he was on his way out before she could insist he repeat what he’d said or demand to know if it was actually okay that she went with him. 

As soon as he shut the door behind him, though, she let both things go and started changing her clothes there in the living room. She really wasn’t all that concerned about Harry potentially walking back in, since he’d already seen her in a bathing suit at their company’s annual beach barbecue. It was just the fact that it wasn’t something he needed to see, nor did she imagine he wanted to. But since he wasn’t in the house at all, she figured it was fine and if he decided to barge back in knowing full well she was changing her clothes, that would then be his own problem if he saw bits and pieces he didn’t want to see.     

Luckily, she got back into her clothes without any incidents and left her pajamas in a pile on the couch for later. She grabbed her phone and her little crossbody bag and made her way out to the car.

He was on his phone with the heat on when she joined him, half expecting him to just have left her and relieved that he hadn’t. Mostly because she would have gotten herself locked out since she didn’t commit the house code to memory yet.

“There’s this diner…” Harry began as he put the car into gear and backed out of the driveway, his eyes secretly scanning her face as he turned his head over his shoulder to look out the windows and make sure the road was clear. “I know you said you weren’t hungry, but if you want a coffee or something…”

“That’s fine.” She mumbled, buckling in her seatbelt while he took off down the road. 

They were quiet for a while, and Harry flipped through radio stations until he found something that wasn’t just pure static. It wasn’t music she’d normally listen to, sounding mostly like popular fifties and sixties tunes, but it was nice. It matched the neighborhood they were staying in, which seemed to be mostly older couples in their little cottage homes. There were surely some families, but the size of the homes seemed to cater to people without children. And none of the houses were identical, which was also nice coming from New York where things quickly lost all their character. She was far removed from her small town roots, but she didn’t mind the nostalgia the town brought up. Harry was from a smaller town too, she knew that, but not quite the same. His family never really struggled for money and his parents had a nice house. That hadn’t been quite the same experience she’d had.

“So where is it that we’re going first tomorrow?” She finally asked when Harry turned onto a new road, one that appeared to be a main street leading out of their cute little neighborhood and into the central hub of the town.

“Thought we’d start at the police station. I already called ahead and asked about looking at their files, so they’re expecting us.”

She nodded even though she was sure he couldn’t see her. She had done her own research into the case beforehand too, of course, but since she hadn’t been assigned it, she hadn’t gone as far as planning anything out like he had. So, maybe it was best that he take the lead. It’d make things easier. And then she could find ways to make herself useful as they went. It was always better having two sets of eyes on investigations than just one, anyway. Although, she was sure Harry would disagree considering she was the very last person he wanted to be spending the weekend with. Even if he was currently being tame. She blamed it on the fact that it was almost eight o’clock at night and he’d been driving all day. The energy he stored up for making her life hell had all been depleted by now.

When he parked outside the diner, which was most definitely the exact definition of a diner, she swallowed every bit of her pride. “I am sorry about all this, Harry.” She looked over at him while he stared down at his lap. Listening, but not daring a single second to meet her eyes. “But also thankful because you didn’t have to agree. Lenny would have listened to you over me if you complained. To be honest, as soon as I found out you also wanted this story, I knew I wasn’t getting it. He… he never lets me do much.”

He scrunched up his face. “If that’s true, then why did he agree to sending you with me?”

She swallowed hard. “I may have… guilt-tripped him into it.”

He finally looked up at her incredulously. “What did you say?”

She blinked slowly. “I, um…” Before she could explain, however, there was a knock on her window that had them both jumping out of their seats. Looking over and up, she found a man, possibly in his mid-thirties, smiling at her. Cautiously, she rolled her window down only a couple of inches. “Can I help you?”

The man glanced over at Harry. “Oh, my bad.” He laughed then and she quickly realized he’d been drinking from the scent on his breath. And also the very obvious bottle of something in his hand. And beyond the cup she also saw that he wasn’t alone. Two other men, one who seemed the same age and another a bit younger, stood behind him. All three, she assumed, drunk. “We just saw you, didn’t see your boyfriend over there.”

She glanced quickly at Harry, shaking her head, “Oh, he’s not… we’re not—“ She stammered, laughing it off in a huff and then slightly regretting that decision when the man’s smile deepened.

“Is that so?” He asked and it kind of gave her the creeps a bit. He wasn’t hideous or inherently creepy-looking. But she was someplace new and it was dark out and YN didn’t necessarily enjoy people she didn’t know talking to her. Especially while they were drunk.

Harry cleared his throat then, leaning over to her side slightly, “Can we help you with something?”

The man just barely paid Harry any mind before locking his eyes back on YN. “No, just wanted to say hi… are y’all new in town?” And then his eyes most definitely made their way down to YN’s chest and Harry’s hand balled into a fist.

“No.” Harry answered before she could. “And if you don’t mind, we were in the middle of something.”

The man cocked an eyebrow, glancing between both of them before talking only to YN. “Thought he wasn’t your boyfriend.”

YN’s hand quickly went to the switches on her door, “You all have a good night.” She could not have rolled up her window faster. And it took them a moment, and a few menacing looks, but the men did eventually leave, and YN and Harry sat in silence as they watched through the mirrors as the three of them piled into a beat up, old truck and eventually drove off. 

“That was weird.”

“Yeah, uh, next time some creepy men come up to the window, don’t talk to them.” Harry advised.

YN rolled her eyes, still watching the truck as they peeled out of the parking lot. “They were just harmless drunks.” Then she undid her seatbelt and grabbed her purse off the floor. “Let’s go.”

She had decided, after all, to order something to eat. Maybe it was the adrenaline of being spooked for a second time that night that worked up an appetite, but she downed an entire plate of waffles and two cups of coffee.

“Thought you weren’t hungry?” Harry asked from across the booth, his half-eaten burger and fries going cold since he had been too busy flipping through the local paper he’d grabbed from the box outside the diner before they went in. 

She shrugged, sitting back in her seat and watching him curiously while he read through the opinion pieces. There wasn’t much she found to be all that interesting in the newspapers anymore that she couldn’t read online, but for some reason, Harry still enjoyed them. The ones in New York were possibly more entertaining than that in Lexington, Virginia, but she had a feeling it really didn’t bother him. She supposed he preferred it to being forced to have a conversation with her.

The waitress, Lucy, reappeared then. “Can I get you some more coffee?” She waved the glass pot she had in hand, only about half full at this point. YN considered it, but then also considered the possibility of not sleeping tonight in a house where there may or may not be a ghost and decided against another cup.

“No, I’m alright, thank you.”

The waitress nodded politely, “No problem. Can’t I get you anything else, then? A box?” She pointedly asked Harry and he finally looked up from the newspaper to shake his head.

Just before she turned to leave, Harry stopped her. “Actually, um… do you know anything about the murders that happened here a few years ago?”

YN kind of wanted to smack him for asking her that, but she was also way too curious herself and thankful that he’d been the one to bring it up and not her. She had been on a couple trips herself for work and knew some of the most helpful people were waitresses. They tended to know everybody and everybody’s secrets, too.

The waitress frowned, though. “Don’t think I’d be of much help. I’ve only been in town for a little over three months. Jackie, though… um, another waitress, she works mornings, she knows all about them… if that’s what you’re in town for.”

Harry nodded, “Thank you, that was actually extremely helpful.”

Lucy just nodded, smiling softly at both of them before making her way to her other tables. 

YN rolled her eyes and Harry most definitely noticed. “What?”

She just shook her head and let it go, not really up for some petty argument with him at the moment.

But Harry had other plans. Plans that involved getting under her skin, right where he liked to be at all times. “You’re not jealous, are you?”

She lifted her eyes back to his and instead found his stupid little smirk. “And why exactly would I be jealous?”

He shrugged. “You won’t tell me what that look was for, so I just have to assume. You do like to bring up all the girls I’ve slept with all the time.”

“Yeah because I think it’s gross, not because I’m jealous of them.” She folded her arms across her chest and watched as his eyes ventured there, but never thought anything of it as she went on. “And now I just think you have an even bigger ego than you let on if you think that I’d actually be interested in you.”

She was, in fact, quite interested in him. But Harry was… he was just in a slightly different world than her. A world she could never get into no matter how hard she tried. Her boss gave him all the promotions, almost anything he ever wanted. Harry could afford to live in a nicer part of the city. On top of that, he was just… very clearly not interested in her that way. If the type of girls he brought home were any indication besides the fact that they barely even tolerated each other.

“Ouch.” He feigned offense, acting as if she hadn’t said much worse to him in the past twenty-four hours alone. 

Again, she rolled her eyes. “Yeah like you’re bothered by that.”

“Maybe I am.”

“You can pick up any random girl you want, you don’t have to concern yourself over whether or not I’m interested in you.”

He studied her for a moment, tilted his head to the side slightly, then averted his eyes to the table while he thought about something. Possibly a witty comeback, she thought. Although, that’s not exactly what came out of his mouth next. 

“Maybe my ego would just like to know if you are.”

She scoffed then. “Yeah as if your ego will never recover from the knowledge that I’m not interested.”

He met her eyes suddenly, narrowing his own curiously. “Why did you say it like that?”

“What are you talking about?”

He opened his mouth to explain, but the words got caught. He wanted to know why she thought she’d be any different. Why she emphasized herself like she had. He didn’t hate her by any means. He actually kind of liked her, maybe more than he should sometimes, but the arguing was just… comfortable. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed listening to what she had to say, even if it was something incredibly personally offensive to him. So, he really had no idea why she thought he wouldn’t be concerned with whether or not she was interested. Especially since he’d just more or less flat-out asked. But it seemed as if it was all just a joke to her and he supposed he couldn’t blame her for seeing it that way. They were almost never not messing with one another.

She sighed and pulled him from his thoughts. “Are you ready to go? The coffee’s gonna wear off and I’d rather crash back at the house than in your car.”

“Might be a more comfortable place to sleep than that couch.”

She froze because it was the first time he’d even mentioned the sleeping arrangements. She’d been sure he hadn’t even thought anything of it, nor did he care or have any reason to care about it. He’d paid for the bed after all. 

He pulled his wallet from his back pocket, picking out enough bills to cover their meals and the tip before placing the money on the table, underneath the bottle of syrup. She watched as he stood and pulled his jacket on, not saying another word about the couch or anything else.

And as she sat in the passenger seat again, she realized he was probably right about it. It was quite a bit more comfortable than the couch.

Harry drove first to the police department, just so he could figure out where it was without having to use his phone’s GPS. Then he drove around to one of the houses that had been a crime scene. The first house was still empty and it was very obvious no one had lived there in a long time. All the grass and weeds were overgrown, where the windows once were was now covered by planks of wood. And then there was the graffiti. Most noticeably, the bold letters that read, “Cyprus is guilty.” Both of them knew Cyprus referred to James Cyprus, who was the lead sheriff in town. Although neither of them had really considered him to be a suspect, there could potentially be something buried that they’d have to dog up. It was definitely something they’d wanted to look into.

The second house had someone living in it now. It wasn’t often that someone would purchase a house in which a brutal murder occurred, but they probably got a good deal on it. Harry watched that house the longest, parked with his lights off across the street, just trying to see if he could make out who was living there. If he could find them and ask them if they knew anything.

“Do you always stake out people’s houses?”

Harry shrugged. “When those people moved into a house where an entire family was murdered? Yeah. I’m a bit interested.”

She sighed, not really against the stake out itself. But mostly because she could feel the crash coming on and she wanted to go back and get some sleep. The trip had drained her and not even two cups of coffee was good enough.

Just then, though, a young woman emerged from the front door and both Harry and YN crouched in their seats, trying not to be seen as the woman walked down the length of her driveway with a trash bag in tow. Both watched her closely, picking up on all her features so they’d be able to recognize her if they saw her in the daylight. She knew Harry was right because YN was also quite curious even if they were being slightly invasive.

“I wonder if whoever Jackie is would know who she is.” Harry nodded toward the woman as she made her way back inside the house.

“Figured you’d be up bright and early to go bother that poor waitress.”

Harry just ignored that comment and continued to watch the house. Not necessarily for any other signs of life, but to map out exactly how the killer had gotten in. The details were never released to the public, but neither house seemed to be all that damaged as if the killer had broken in. Sure, they could have fixed it by now, but even at the abandoned house, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Every window had been replaced with wood and the front door had seemed more-or-less in tact. 

The last stop was further out than he’d realized, far from any civilization in an open field. When his GPS told him to turn down a dirt road, he pulled doff to the side of the main street instead.

“You’re not taking me out here to kill me, are you?” She teased, although when he peered over her at her, he noticed the way she wearily glanced around at their surroundings. She’d been a bit uneasy all night, he thought, but right now, with that hallowed look on her face, he felt bad about driving out to the real middle of nowhere.

Instead of making a U-turn, however, he looked out his window and tried to calm her nerves. Knowing that discussing the case would, oddly, do the trick. “When I was researching, I found out that they had found a body buried out here about six months before. Well not here exactly but… back in there a little ways.” He nodded toward the dirt road that made even him a little spooked. “They never linked it to the case because it wasn’t the killer’s MO. He killed two families, and left them in their beds. But,” he paused, glancing over at her to make sure she was still listening and no longer as scared as she’d just been, even if she hid it from him. And she was, in fact, listening, and watching him instead of their desolate surroundings. “But I found this article someone had written that tried to connect the buried victim to the others.”

“Really?” 

He nodded. “Well, you know how both families had fifteen-year-old daughters who both walked to school and both reported to the sheriff about some man in a mask they’d seen following them? And how most people think that the killer went after them in particular and just killed everyone else while he was at it?” She nodded, having read about all of that. “Well,” he continued, “The body that was buried out here was also a fifteen-year-old girl. It could just be a coincidence and not related, but I personally think it was his first kill.”

“Hm.” She hummed, wondering how deep he’d dug to find that bit of information. And how convincing he was going to have to be tomorrow at the police station in order to see both the case they were on and the one of this other poor girl who may or may not even be related.

“Is that all you have to say?”

She met his gaze. “You took me out here to the middle of nowhere at night to tell me about a girl who was buried over there. I’m just trying to keep my dinner down.”

“Thought you weren’t scared of anything?” He reminded her of something she constantly told him all the time. It wasn’t often she investigated a murder for a story, but she did tend to investigate things that would probably freak out a normal person. And, usually, she wasn’t all that scared.

But now she was thinking about whether or not there had actually been a ghost at their air bib and then Harry was unloading all of this on top of her too. There was only so much spooky shit she could handle in one night.

“I’m not… scared I just… think you could’ve told me all of this back at the house.”

He chuckled softly, but then put the car in gear and finally made that U-turn. “You’re cute when you’re scared.” He teased.

“And you make me want to bury you out in the woods when you’re being a jackass.”

“How exactly am I being a jackass? I just paid you a compliment, did I not?”

“Yeah a backhanded one, maybe.” She grumbled and it only made him laugh again.

It was quiet between them while he drove back toward the lights of the town, back toward their air bnb, and then finally he spoke again, softly enough as to not startle her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that might freak you out… I’ve never seen you scared of anything before though, in my defense.”

“It’s fine. Maybe just save going out into desolate fields for the daytime.”

They both went their separate ways once they were safely inside the house again. She changed back into her pajamas while he sprawled on the bed and got lost on his phone again, surely going to stay that way most of the night and then fall asleep in his clothes. 

She pulled her coat from her suitcase and made herself up a very sad little bed on the couch, not even bothering with Netflix because she was too exhausted. She shut off all the lights and made herself as comfortable as she could manage, attempting to curl her entire body up under her coat but not exactly being successful. After a while, though, it didn’t matter. She stopped shivering so much and finally relaxed enough to fall asleep.

There was no light when she woke several hours later, but it was the eerily type of quiet in the house that let her know it was well past midnight. She wasn’t sure what had woken her exactly, but she glanced over at Harry’s door to find it closed and then tried to ignore the pit in her stomach that formed as she thought about that stupid tap on her shoulder. 

And then she realized she was a lot warmer than she had been when she went to sleep. Along with that, her legs were stretched out and still covered by something, definitely not her coat. Glancing down, she found herself covered in a blanket, her coat neatly folded over the back of the couch. Had Harry…?

She really hoped it was him and not the ghost. She hoped there wasn’t a ghost at all, actually, and that it had all been in her head. Nothing weird had happened since that, so she let herself believe Harry had done something nice for her for once. 

Sure, he’d grab her coffee if he was already picking up an order from Starbucks. And he sometimes remembered to wish her Happy Birthday. But that was about it. Not that he was obligated to do anything else. Not that she really did anything all that nice for him, either. But… nice things from anyone were always a big deal for her. A bigger deal for her than they were for anyone else. A normal person. No one ever really gave her nice things or did nice things for her.  And she robbed herself of all the opportunities to make any friends that might be nice to her because she was too afraid to let anyone be that close. 

But she just wasn’t used to nice. To being treated like she deserved nice. And she knew, deep down, she didn’t deserve it. At least not right now. For attempting to sabotage Harry, she deserved the scratchy couch and a blanket-less sleep with whatever ghost was haunting their air bnb.  

Sighing, she ripped the blanket off and stood, knowing she’d never get back to sleep when her mind wouldn’t shut the hell up. So, she wandered to the kitchen, grabbing one of the waters she’d seen in the fridge and leaning against the counter while she sipped on it. It felt way too nice to stretch her body out and she knew that stupid couch was going to cost her in the morning. Her legs ached. Her neck was stiff. And she didn’t even want to think about how bad it hurt whenever she bent too far in the wrong direction and her back threatened to crack in half.

Maybe Harry’s car was a better idea after all.

She set the water bottle on the counter, securing the cap as she ventured back to the couch where she’d left her purse on the coffee table. Digging inside, she quickly found her small bottle of Advil and grabbed three of them before making her way back to the kitchen.

However, when she got back to her water bottle, the cap was sitting on the counter. Which was… not where she had left it… right? She swore she’d put the cap back on before she walked away. 

Taking a couple steps backward, she braved a few glances around the room, praying she didn’t actually see anything happen because if there was one thing she was actually scared of, it was the idea of ghosts.   

It was silent for a few moments and then she nearly turned inside out when she heard tapping on the front window. And after a mini heart attack, she realized it was just tree branches swaying in the breeze. 

She peered down at her water bottle again, convincing herself she hadn’t put the cap back on and was in fact just sleep deprived. She swallowed all three Advil and then put the bottle back inside the fridge.  

As she made her way back to the couch, she fought the urge to knock on Harry’s door. To convince him to let her sleep in there. Where she didn’t have to be alone with… with whatever was going on. But that would be crossing a line. He would just say no and then it’d be awkward the whole rest of the trip. 

Besides, he’d given her a blanket and could’ve very easily woken her up and let her have the other half of the bed if he actually wanted to do that. But he didn’t. So there was her answer. 

She curled up on the couch again and covered most of her face beneath the blanket, knowing that wouldn’t shield her from anything, but it made her feel better. Her mind rattled on for a while until she found a thought to fixate on that made her feel better.

And though it calmed her nerves, it wasn’t exactly the best thought to be having. 

Because she thought about wrapping her arms around Harry instead of the blanket she was holding onto for dear life. Or his arms wrapping around her. Being and feeling safe and not worrying about ghosts or men who bury girls in the middle of nowhere. Or about the stupid fucking tree branches. 

But then she really was on edge when she heard a door creak open. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and barely even let a breath out in her attempts not to move a muscle.

It was quiet for a moment as all she could do was listen. She didn’t even hear footsteps, though, and that’s what worried her the most. 

Until there was a soft, familiar voice breaking through the silence. “YN?”

It was Harry. She had no idea what to do. Should she get up? Then he’d know she was faking being asleep. But she didn’t exactly want to ignore him either. His presence alone made all her fears fall to the wayside.

She decided on the former. Blinking her eyes open, she sat up slightly, just enough to spot him over the couch’s armrest as he met her eyes through the darkness.

“You’re awake?” He asked.

“Now I am.”

“Did you… did you knock on my door?”

Her heart sank then. She had thought about it. So much that she had to fight her feet into taking her back to the couch instead of his room. But she most definitely had not knocked on his door.

“Um… no?”

“I swear I heard…” He shook his head and although he was possibly considering the fact that he’d just been hearing things in his sleep, she was now convinced they were being haunted by a ghost. A ghost that was quite possibly a mind reader, but still a ghost nonetheless. 

There was no way she was sleeping alone in the living room for a second longer.

She stood then, grabbing her coat and then her blanket. And he watched her carefully as she came around the couch. “There’s something weird going on in this house so I think I’m just going to sleep in your car, if that’s alright.”

“Wait.” He followed her as she walked to the dining table to get his keys. “What do you mean by weird?”

She grabbed his keys and turned to him. “I set my water bottle down right there just now, right?” She pointed at the counter and his gaze followed. “I know I put the fucking cap back on. Then I went to get something and when I came back, the cap was off.”

“What are you… what are you talking about, YN?”

“And earlier, when we first got here, you asked why I looked like I’d just seen a ghost? Well when you were getting your things I felt… I felt like something had tapped my shoulder but… nobody was there.”

He just looked at her for a moment and she knew he was about to call her crazy or something along those lines. She could feel it coming, so instead, she started up again.

“So, I’m going to the car because I’m not sleeping by myself in this house anymore.” She gathered the blanket again and made her way around Harry before he even got a word out but he very quickly wrapped his hand around her arm and stopped her when they were just inches apart from each other.

“You could, um,” he did not like the idea of her sleeping in the car by herself one bit. He’d barely tolerated her sleeping on the couch but he didn’t want to suggest she sleep with him and potentially make things weird. But now, there wasn’t a choice. And he didn’t exactly want to sleep alone now anymore either. “You could share the bed. I wouldn’t mind.”

She just stared at him for a moment, quickly realizing their faces were way too close and so she took a step back which made him release his hold on her. Her voice came in a near whisper. “I don’t want to impose anymore than I already have, Harry.”

He shook his head. “I know you don’t. You didn’t even ask me for a blanket.” He glanced down at the one he’d strewn over her many hours ago that she was now clutching against her chest. And her heart raced when it was confirmed he’d been the one to do that, not the resident ghost. 

“I—“ She started, but never finished. She didn’t want to bother him, he was right.

“You’re not imposing I’m… if what you’re saying is true… I don’t exactly want to be in here alone either. And I know what I heard.”

“Have you ever seen a scary movie? You’re not supposed to stay inside the house with the ghost, Harry.”

He rolled his eyes. “I think maybe we’re both just spooked from earlier and that’s all it is.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Or you’re just trying to get me to sleep with you.”

Even in the darkness surrounding them, there was no mistaking the smirk that crept to his lips. “Trust me, YN, if that’s what I wanted right now, I would not be entertaining the idea of a ghost to get into your pants… or, uh…” he glanced down at her bare legs, “shorts. I guess.”

“Yeah because I’d just easily climb right into bed with you.” 

He took that step closer to her, the one she’d taken away from him moments ago. She swallowed thickly as he leaned in the tiniest bit, the look in his eyes the furthest thing from worried about a ghost. “I think we both know you would do exactly that.”

He was right. She would. Ghost or no. She was stubborn as hell though. “You’re making the car sound more and more appealing.”

He ran his hand through his mess of curls. “You’re not sleeping in the damn car. Come on. The bed’s big enough, everyone’s keeping their clothes on. You’re the one that said you weren’t interested anyway.”

She thought it over for a moment, glancing down at the keys in her hand. She knew she wouldn’t get any sleep out in the car either. That it might actually be worse than inside the house because although there was something fishy going on, nothing had tried to harm them. 

“Fine.” She muttered between her teeth, turning to set his keys down and then tossing the blanket at Harry while she discarded her coat along the back of one of the chairs.

When she turned to him, it was obvious he was not looking at her face and had not been either when she was turned around. “Why exactly did you bring shorts that short to wear to bed?”

“These,” she gestured down at herself, “are my sleep clothes. Sorry that I expected to have a bed and a blanket on this trip.”

She hadn’t exactly gotten the point of his question, and although he had been quite concerned about how cold she’d been huddled underneath just her coat, he wanted to know why there were no other shorts in existence she could have worn that were not ones that made him think about very inappropriate things. 

Turning, he led the way back to his room, still holding onto her blanket until he was at the bed and tossed it to the other side where she’d be sleeping.

Closing the door behind her, she made her way around the room, thankful Harry had chosen to sleep on the side closest to the door just in case there was actually a ghost haunting the living room. He’d be the first to go, she supposed.

He waited for her to get settled on her side of the bed before he climbed in, and as soon as he was comfortable, he reached up to shut the lamp off and smother them in darkness again. It didn’t bother her as much this time, though, because she heard his breath and felt his warmth and it calmed whatever lingering nerves she still had. 

Still, though, she couldn’t fall asleep right away. 

“Harry?” She whispered after who knew how many minutes of just laying there, staring at the ceiling.

He groaned beside her, half muffled by the pillow. And when she glanced over at him, she saw that he was sprawled out, the blanket pooling in the middle of his back, exposing his broad shoulders. And even though he wore a shirt, it was still a magnificent sight. She always thought he had a really nice back and watching it now as it rose and fell with his every breath, she almost forgot what she was going to say.

“Are you awake?”

“No.” He mumbled.

“I just, uh… thanks. For the blanket. And for the bed. You didn’t have to.”

The bed moved then as he twisted around to face her and she watched, captivated by the exhaustion taking over his features that made him, if were possible, even more attractive. It, as weird as it sounds, made her stomach twist in the most glorious way possible as he looked at her through barely awake eyes. “It’s not a big deal, you don’t have to thank me. Especially not when I’m trying to sleep.”

She knew that. To him, it wasn’t even a small deal. It meant nothing to him. “Yeah, sorry.” Her eyes danced across his face for a moment, especially those eyebrows of his as they furrowed and his mouth as he opened it to say something, but she beat him to it. “Goodnight.”

She woke with her cheek pressed against something hard. Not a soft pillow. Not even the scratchy one from the couch. This one was soft, like cotton. Just hard, and…

Her eyes flew open when she realized what she was touching, when her hand went to adjust said pillow and instead she just found more of it. Lots more. Because it wasn’t a fucking pillow. It was Harry. His chest, to be exact.

Quickly, she pulled away. On instinct more than anything. She’d never been that close to him before and she didn’t exactly want him to wake up and find out about it. She had no clue what time it was, but soft grey light was just beginning to seep in through the curtains so it had to be early. Too early for her to want to get up, but she knew she couldn’t continue to use Harry as a pillow.

However, when she jerked back, she hadn’t considered the arm that was firmly tucked around her, keeping her in place. And when she moved, he groaned softly in his sleep and she cautiously glanced up to see that crease between his eyebrows and a frown on his lips. And as she reluctantly settled back against him, both soothed out until he slept peacefully again. If she tried to move again, it would just wake him completely and then she’d be met with the awkwardness. So, she stayed. Hoping he’d be the first to move at some point and it wouldn’t matter. 

She kept her hands to herself though, not needing anymore added embarrassment of having groped his chest on accident. He hadn’t ever moved though, not before she drifted back to sleep again.

All Harry knew when he woke was that he was hot. In more ways than one. And when he blinked his eyes open, he soon found out why. She was pressed against him, her forehead resting in the crook of his neck, one of his legs was tucked in between hers, and the worst, most incriminating part of it all: one of his hands was curled up in her hair.

Well, okay, the very unfortunate consequence of sleeping the way he was mixed with some questionable dreams and it being morning was also quite incriminating. But that could be hidden and ignored and forgotten about. His hand tangled in her hair, holding her against him? No denying that one or pretending it was just because of a wet dream. 

As he untangled his hand from her, as gently as he could, she stirred, and then he began to regret thinking the hardness in his boxers could just simply be ignored. Without any control over it, he moaned when she’d unintentionally rubbed herself against him.

He knew he had to get up, before she woke up and found out. Sure, he wanted nothing more than for her to wake up and for this to lead somewhere it really shouldn’t but he knew it wouldn’t ever lead there. She was… she was different. If she knew how close she was to him right now, she would very quickly put the Grand Canyon’s worth of space between them. He’d never seen her even so much as hug anyone, let alone be all wrapped up in them like this.

He gathered his nerve for a moment longer before he finally unraveled himself from her, holding his breath as he did, and replacing his body with a pillow as to hopefully not disturb her too much. And when he was safely on his feet, he realized it had worked. She was still fast asleep, clutching the pillow instead of him. 

Which… made him want to get back into that spot again, but his better judgement sent him on his way to the shower instead. Because there really was no hiding it anymore.

He grabbed a change of clothes and all his showering essentials before he left, having been too tired last night to deal with it. Plus, she’d been hogging the bathroom when he’d unpacked his clothes, so he just didn’t get the chance. And then he just kind of forgot about it.

It didn’t matter now though. All that mattered was getting in the fucking shower and dealing with himself. He hadn’t even thought of the ghost either. Which he probably should have, since he’d just walked into the living room, albeit briefly, with a very obvious bulge in his underpants. 

He hoped the ghost was at least of age, and he also hoped it wasn’t whoever’s grandma who may have died in this house. That would be embarrassing, to say the least.

As soon as the warm water touched his bare skin, he sighed in relief. Which turned more into a whine when he touched himself under said water. He felt every ounce of shame for what he was doing, but it had to be done. Sure, it’d go away eventually on its own, but as soon as he saw her in those fucking shorts again, it’d come right back. Ten times worse.

He leaned against the wall, resting his forehead on his arm as he closed his eyes and pretended it was someone else’s hand around his cock right now instead of his. And if the water hit him just right, he could almost pretend he was inside someone warm. 

That someone, of course, being the one someone in the world he shouldn’t be thinking about while he was getting himself off in the shower. But there YN was and he didn’t even try to fight it. Didn’t try to stop thinking about how she’d looked on the beach this past summer. That red bikini she’d worn that left nothing to the imagination. The way she didn’t even know what effect she had on him. What effect she had on anyone. The way she chewed on her bottom lip when she was concentrating and how she stared at his mouth while he spoke. The way she’d been wrapped around him, the fact that he could still feel the press of her against his thigh.

He bit down on his forearm to stifle the unruly sound that bubbled up within him as he came. As he came and saw nothing but her face, contorted into pleasure beneath him as he buried himself deep inside of her. 

Shit.

He was fucked.

She woke clutching a pillow to her chest and an otherwise empty bed. And it had been empty for a while, there was no warmth still on the sheets where Harry had slept. Golden sunlight lit the room this time, and she was sure he’d already taken off to that diner and left her here alone with the ghost.

And when she tiptoed out of his room and didn’t find him anywhere in the small living or kitchen space, she realized that was exactly what he’d done. At least there was daylight. Ghosts weren’t as scary when it wasn’t dark outside.

She checked her phone first, finding out that it was not only fifteen minutes after nine, but that she also had way too many unanswered work emails to deal with that she most definitely did not want to even think about.

Clicking the screen off, she went to her suitcase, opening it up fully on the floor to locate her phone charger first. Once that was secured and her phone was on the kitchen counter recuperating, she grabbed her bag full of hygiene products and made her way to the bathroom.

It hadn’t been long that Harry had left because the shower was still wet. After she unpacked her bag and got everything set out inside the shower that she’d need, she flipped on the water and got undressed. She thought about the last time she’d taken off her clothes in this house, when she’d changed in the living room and wondered if the ghost had been around then. If there was actually a ghost. She hoped not. 

The warm water felt nice on all the still achey bits of her body. The bed and the meds had soothed out some of it, but she hadn’t made a full recovery. She let the water linger on her neck and her lower back for a little while as she washed her hair and shaved what she wanted to shave. She thought about how she’d woken last night, practically on top of Harry and really hoped it hadn’t still been that way when he woke up. Though, she didn’t remember him moving at all. She figured she would have felt that. So maybe they went back to sleeping on their respective sides of the bed. 

And if they didn’t then, well… she just hoped he didn’t say anything about it.

She finished up and grabbed the towel she assumed Harry had left for her on the sink. With him gone, she didn’t bother bringing in a change of clothes. She didn’t want to walk around naked in someone else’s house—with a potential ghost lurking—but walking around in a towel wasn’t so bad. Even if it was kind of short and just barely fit around her and she couldn’t bend over without showing everything. 

They weren’t even sure there was a ghost. It could have just been what Harry said. Their minds playing tricks on them after everything last night.

So, she got over it and opened the door once she was sure her towel was secured. She made a bee line to her suitcase, not even realizing until it was too late that the last thing she needed to worry about seeing her was a ghost.

Not when Harry cleared his throat from the dining table. Not when she froze and looked over at him to find him already staring. At her legs, mostly, and then he finally dragged his eyes up to her face.

“Sorry, I… I thought you left.”

“Went to get coffee.” He lifted two takeaway cups in his hands that appeared to just be from some local cafe. But, at this point, coffee was coffee.

“Oh.” She dropped her eyes and they fell to her suitcase. It wasn’t going to be very easy holding her towel up while she dug through her things on the floor.

“Do you need some help?”

Her first instinct was to shake her head no. Mostly because she didn’t want to need his help. But the alternative to his help… well it could become an incredibly awkward weekend within seconds if something slipped. 

So, instead, she reluctantly accepted. “Uh, sure.” 

She stood frozen still in the living room as he walked over and then past her, hitting her with a very distracting scent. It was slightly different than how he normally smelled, like he’d changed something in his routine. Maybe he’d gotten a new cologne or aftershave. He still smelled incredible though. And on top of that, the contrast of her nakedness to his fully clothed, jacket and all, made her shiver in all the very wrong, inappropriate ways. 

And on top of everything, he was currently getting down onto his knees in front of her. 

Well, in front of her suitcase but… in front of her too. While she was… while there was nothing but her underneath the stupidly small towel.

“What am I looking for?” He asked, moving aside her extra pair of shoes and her blow dryer to get to her clothes underneath.

“Um, well, I need…”

He nodded, “Right. Suppose those are important.” She didn’t even want to know what he’d just meant by that, but she didn’t question it.

“Under those jeans right there… actually you can hand me the jeans too.” He did as she asked, handing them over and then moving onto the way too many pairs of panties she’d packed for the two night trip. He hid his smile from her, mostly because he knew she’d think he was thinking of something mean to say when in reality, it made him laugh because he had done the same thing. Packing an unnecessary amount of underwear.

“I don’t care which ones, just… hand me one. You don’t need to sit there and stare at my underwear.”

He grabbed a pair, particularly the black ones that had more lace on them, and twisted around as he gave them to her. “Had to make sure I picked the right ones.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He let his eyes fall to her thighs, which were, as she realized, way too close to his face right now, and then he shrugged as he met her gaze again but with a look that… that sent a shameful amount of heat to an even more shameful part of her body. A look that made the lower part of her stomach twist into knots.

Then he smiled, almost… knowingly at her before twisting back around to the suitcase. “What else, then?”

“That shirt, right there,” she pointed, “the black one.” He pulled out a simple long sleeve that didn’t nearly feel thick enough for the weather outside, but he figured she had her coat to go along with it.

“That’s all?” There was a hint of amusement in his voice because he knew he was missing one thing. Purposefully missing it, though, of course. 

“The bra right there.” She pointed again. “It’s black too.”

“Oh, this?” He pulled it out and held it up, teasing her with it and when she went to grab it from him, he quickly pulled away.

“That’s not funny, Harry.”

“Of course it is.” He stood then, taking the bra with him. “I don’t think you need it anyway.” He made a point to not glance down at her chest which he’d seen more of in the past ten minutes than he had since the beach.

“How did you go from threatening to kick me out last night to… to whatever it is you’re doing right now?”

He shrugged. “I’m over it.”

She eyed him like she didn’t exactly believe him, but she didn’t say anything else as she went for her bra still clasped firmly in his obnoxious hands.

And, of course, she didn’t manage to get it from him, for the second time now. They’d flirted sometimes over the years of knowing each other, although she’d consider it more aggressive flirting that never led anywhere or that they ever even took seriously. Like it had been last night when he teased her about being jealous. It was harmless. But this was— no, it felt like something different.

She went for the bra once more and actually fought him this time, though she was at a disadvantage since she only had one hand. The other held both her clothes and her towel. It was a very unfortunate accident waiting to happen, but he was irritating her and she didn’t really fully think things through.

When she almost had her bra within reach, he held it up above her head, to the point where she couldn’t reach it even if she was dressed and wouldn’t be risking everything to reach up and grab it.

She did try once though, also not realizing how close she had to be to him to make the attempt. And she felt way too much of the hard length of his chest and quickly retreated away from him once her attempt failed.

“I hate you.”

He handed her the bra once he realized she was done fighting him for it. But as she went to grab it, he held on tightly. “I hate you too.”

He let go and she couldn’t help but think that their ‘I hate you’s’ were filled with something else rather than actual hate. 

Getting back on his knees, he glanced up at her, “Anything else?”

“Um… there should be a bag in there. It’s black.” 

“Of course it’s black. All of your things are black. How am I meant to find a black bag in a sea of black?” Still, he dug gently through her clothes, feeling around for a zipper or some other indication of a bag.

“There.” She pointed and he followed, but he still didn’t see what she was seeing. He grabbed something in the vicinity, but it turned out to be a shirt, not a bag.

“No.” She huffed and then leaned over to grab it for herself. However, she accidentally bumped against his shoulder when she did so and as she grabbed the bag, he turned his head around to find her chest very nearly right in his face. She hadn’t done it on purpose, nor had he looked on purpose, but he could not get himself to stop staring. The towel was not holding up very well at this point and she was… spilling over the top of it. He swallowed thickly as she shifted away and then his eyes lifted to hers, giving her that look again before she was able to stand up straight.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

He wanted very little more than he wanted to rip the towel right off of her. To say fuck it to his stupid itinerary and her clothes. To fall back into bed and make her forget all their petty arguments, any bad thing that’d ever happened to her, maybe even make her forget her name.

He stood then, never taking his eyes off of hers and she fought the instinctual urge to take a step away from him. She never did it out of fear. She’d never put space between herself and Harry because she was scared of him. She did it because she was scared of what that type of closeness entailed. Closeness that she didn’t know how to deal with. 

“Am I looking at you in some special way?”

She swallowed hard. He was… what was he doing? She knew Harry well enough to know that whatever it was, he was just trying to get a rise out of her. So once she fell for it he could make fun of her. She was not about to let him have the upper hand.

“No,” she nearly whispered, “I suppose not.”

He titled his head, crossing his arms over his chest as he studied her. “So,” he glanced down the length of her and she couldn’t tell if she wanted to hide from him or… or do even worse. “Are you just going to stand there in that towel then?”

She was bone still and he wasn’t sure she was even breathing until she finally mumbled, “No, I’m… I’m gonna get dressed. If you don’t mind.”

He shrugged, dropping his arms, “If that’s what you want to do, I’m not stopping you.”

But still she… didn’t move. Didn’t back away even the tiniest of inches. Just… stayed there, holding his stare and she was sure if either of them moved any bit closer to each other, things would very quickly not be going to plan.

Which would be… a very dumb thing to do, she was pretty sure.

Although, being dumb didn’t seem all that bad when it was wrapped up in something as nice to look at as Harry.

“Im… gonna get dressed.” She repeated.

A smirk crept onto his lips. “Yeah, you said that already and yet… you’re still here.”

“I am… but I’m gonna go now.” She slowly started to slip away, wondering if he was going to stop her, but as she got further from him and he didn’t, she felt a weird sense of disappointment. 

Instead he let her go, not saying anything until she was halfway to the bathroom. “I’ll be waiting.”

Once she was ready, she joined him at the dining table, taking the cup of coffee that he wasn’t currently sipping out of and sitting in the empty seat beside him. Whatever… tension had been there before had fizzled out considering his eyes were currently glued to his phone and, frankly, she was thankful for it. She had no idea why she’d been seconds away from doing one of the dumbest things she’d ever done in her entire life. 

“So, uh… you said the police station was first?”

He looked up at her finally and she most definitely noticed the way he glanced down at her as if he half expected her to show up in that towel again. “Aren’t you hungry?”

She shrugged. “I suppose you’re going to force me to go back to that diner and bother that poor waitress.”

“Oh my god,” he huffed, clicking his phone off and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. “You don’t even know if she’s all that poor. She could be mean, you know.”

“Good.” YN stood from her seat, pushing it in and slipping into her coat. “Then I hope she’s extra mean to you.”

The diner was busier than it had been last night, almost as if no one in town made their own Saturday breakfast and instead hustled their asses into a booth for some—albeit pretty tasty—pancakes and has browns.

But it frustrated Harry to see because it put a bit of a damper on his plans. Still, as he eyed the packed dining room with little hope, he held the glass door open for YN and did something kind of stupid without even thinking. 

When she passed in front of her, he placed his hand on the small of her back, ushering her inside like they were… together or something. Once he came to his senses, and before she seemed to notice his touch through her thick coat, he quickly snatched his hand back and pretended that had never happened. Mostly because if she knew that it had, she might just cut his entire hand from his body.

And he liked his hand attached to his arm just the way it was to ever thoughtlessly touch her again.

YN paused behind a family of four waited to be seated, slightly angling back to Harry as he let the door close shut behind him. “It’s kinda busy… and we don’t even know which one she is.”

Harry stepped closer to YN, to get out of some people’s way that were trying to exit, but still made sure he kept every inch of his body to himself. He peered over her head, trying to see if he could make out any of the name tags on the waitresses that flew by, even from a distance. Unfortunately though, they both moved way too fast and he also didn’t have that great of vision.

“Wait.” He glanced at down at YN and then followed her finger as she pointed a covert finger at one of the waitresses. “That’s…”

It didn’t take long for Harry to recognize her as well. She had the same short, curly brown hair and the same pair of glasses sitting on her nose as she had last night.

The woman from the house.

Before either of them could say anything else, though, someone bumped into Harry’s back as they passed and he jumped forward, closing what little gap there had been between him and YN as his hand came down on her waist to catch his balance.

And just as quick as it landed, he was pulling away. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”

“It’s fine.” Still, he noticed the way she tensed up and couldn’t help but to think it wasn’t all that fine.

“I know you don’t like—“

She twisted around to face him then and he shut his mouth. “You don’t know anything, Harry.” He really couldn’t tell if she was mad at him or not. “I said it was fine.”

He also had no idea what that was about, but he didn’t get a chance to ask as the hostess called them forward and YN put space between them again, asking for a seat for two, particularly in Jackie’s area.

They were seated quicker than expected with the promise that Jackie would be by soon to take their drink order and then they were left by themselves, although they didn’t really say much to each other at all.

They did, however, steal glances at one another until YN’s phone buzzed and that took up all her attention. It wasn’t long before Jackie arrived, and Harry thanked god for the distraction so he stopped thinking about YN for at least a few minutes anyway.

And it wasn’t just… thinking about her. She was… making him feel things. Like a tightening in his chest and fluttering in his stomach every time he thought about this morning, from when he’d woken to that stupid towel to just now, standing that close to her like they were an actual couple coming in for a simple breakfast together.

He snapped out of it as Jackie introduced herself. “I’ll be helping you all this morning. Can I get you something to drink?”

They both, Harry and YN, stared blankly up at Jackie because Jackie was the same curly-haired, glasses wearing woman from before. The two of them shared a look between each other, leaving Jackie to shift her weight uneasily.

“We have coke… or orange juice. Coffee… milk…” She listed off a few options to fill the awkward space Harry and YN had left open because they were too busy putting pieces together.

But, then, YN snapped out of it and blinked back to Jackie. “Oh, uh… I’ll have a coke.”

Jackie nodded, writing it down and then turned her gaze to Harry, who just mumbled, “Water, please.”

She was gone with the promise of returning with their drinks soon and Harry was the first to look at YN but she quickly met his gaze after having been distracted by watching Jackie disappear into the kitchen. “She’s…”

“Yeah.” YN agreed.

“I guess that’s why our other waitress said she’d know about it.”

“But why would she…” YN trailed off, picking at the skin along her fingernails in her lap while she averted her gaze and thought. “Why would she live in that house?”

Harry shrugged. “Maybe she knew the family?”

YN met Harry’s gaze again with a look of horror. “Jesus, I hope not. I can’t imagine the other waitress suggesting we talk to her if that were the case. That’d be…”

“Fucked up.” Harry finished.

“Yeah. Exactly.”

Harry opened his mouth again, but YN quickly leaned in and shushed him. “Wait, she’s coming back.” 

“Alright, a coke” she set down the soda in front of YN and the other glass in front of Harry, “And a water for you.”

Backing away, she pulled her notepad from her apron and flipped it open. “What can I get started for y’all?”

Harry cleared his throat, looking over the menu for the first time since they’d been seated. “Oh, uh… I’ll just have…” He was slow on his feet, he realized, but he was also currently looking at the kid’s section of the menu without noticing.

YN rolled her eyes. “We’ll share the waffles. Thanks.” She grabbed bother hers and Harry’s menus and handed them back to Jackie, who gave her a soft smile before turning on her heels.

“What if I didn’t want waffles?”

“Sorry, did you want a kid’s Mac and cheese instead? I’m sure she’ll come back.” YN made to wave Jackie down but Harry quickly reached across the table and held her arm down.

She pulled it away without really even meaning to, it was just instinct. Then when she looked up at him, she already saw the apology burning the back of his tongue and she sighed. “Harry, you don’t have to apologize for touching me. I don’t like it that much with people I don’t really know but you’re…” She stopped there before she said something incriminating. Like that he was different. That she liked when he touched her, she just reacted that way because she was slightly afraid of the feelings it brought up when he did.

“Oh,” he paused, staring blankly at her, “okay.”

Rolling her eyes, she sat back against the seat of her booth and crossed her arms over her chest. “So, when do you plan on bothering this poor girl?”

He just stared at the table for a little while, seemingly lost in the train of thought he’d been in this entire time that she couldn’t quite decipher. Nothing about Harry was very easy to read, however. 

“Hello? Earth to Harry.”

His eyes snapped dup to hers and he shook his head clear. “Sorry, uh… I don’t know. Maybe this was a bad idea.”

“Oh, come on. We’re already here.”

He glanced around the busy dining room because the last thing on his mind was Jackie or what she knew about the case or… the whole entire case in general to be honest. All his thoughts had been infected by something he never thought he’d care about more than his job. 

Absently watching a little boy a couple tables away stuffing pancakes into his mouth, Harry spoke softly. “When I woke up this morning, we were…” His gaze slowly drifted back to hers and he saw in the way her eyes widened slightly that she knew what he was talking about. “And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

She sucked in a breath of air and looked at literally anything besides his face because it felt as if she might catch on fire if she did. “I, uh…” She shook her head. Unsure what to even say to that.

“You don’t have to say anything, I just… If you don’t want to sleep alone again tonight I thought…”

Her heart fluttered so much she thought it might just fly right out of her chest, smack Harry in the face and then walk right out of the building. He… wanted to sleep with her again and she was… seconds away from agreeing.

Until, of course, Jackie turned up with their order of waffles and they quickly sat away from each other again, realizing for the first time just how much they’d leaned towards one another.

“Anything else I can get you?” She asked, setting down a spare plate with two containers of syrup and little pre-packaged things of butter.

“We’re good.” Harry answered.

Once Jackie was gone, neither of them touched the waffles at first. They both just stared at the plate, four waffles stacked on top of each other, as if it might do tricks. And then, finally, YN glanced up at Harry.

“I was actually just going to assume you’d let me share the bed again tonight.”

That smirk was back on his face as he grabbed for the spare plate and took his share of the food. “You do like to assume things, don’t you?”

“Sometimes… If it somehow involves annoying you then yes, I do. All of the time.”

“Trust me,” he poured an entire container of syrup over his waffles, “You assuming I want to sleep with you does not annoy me.”

The way he said that just… brought about very dumb, inappropriate feelings again. Dumb enough to get her to say what came out her mouth next.

“What about if I assumed you were looking at me earlier like you want to do more than just sleep with me?”

He froze, mid-chew and stared at the table for an agonizingly long time. Long enough for her to realize what the actual fuck she’d just asked him. But then he chewed again and looked up at her, swallowing before he spoke. “That wouldn’t annoy me either.”

“What… does that m-“

He cut her off, smiling as he dug back into his waffles, “It means… you might have assumed right.”

“Might have?”

He shrugged. “Yeah. Might have.”

They finished eating almost in silence. She asked about his stupid itinerary again, wondering how shitty of a day he had planned if they were going to sit in an office all afternoon, looking over files. And then he promised to make it less shitty for her, but never elaborated on what that entailed, so she was just left with her way too wild imagination.

He, of course, was wondering how he went from wanting to make her weekend hell to… wanting to ditch his plans entirely and just spend all his time with her instead.

Harry waited until Jackie returned with the bill to ask because by then, the diner had emptied out a bit and she didn’t seem as busy so he didn’t feel as bad.

“Here you go,” she set down the black envelope at the edge of the table, their emptied plates already having been picked up by a bus boy five minutes ago, “feel free to take your time.”

“Um, actually,” Harry began, pausing Jackie in her tracks, “If you don’t mind, we’re…” He glanced at YN, who silently edged him on. “Investigative journalists and we’re doing a story on the murders that happened here a few years back… we were wondering if you had any insight you could share?”

Jacking glanced apprehensively between the two and then over her shoulder like she was making sure no one, presumably her boss, was watching. Then she took a single step closer to the table. “I, uh… I know a little bit, yeah. What are y’all wanting to know?”

Harry shrugged. “Whatever you can tell us.”

She nodded, thinking it over for a moment. “Well, um… I don’t know if here’s the best place.”

“We’ll be down at the station all afternoon, if you want to talk there?” Harry offered.

“Oh, uh… I don’t-“

YN cut in. “Everything’s off the record. We don’t work with cops, we’ll just be there to go over the files, that’s all.”

Jackie held eye contact with YN for a moment, as if she was trying to gauge whether or not to trust them, but then finally nodded. “Yeah, sure. I get off at one, will y’all still be there?”

“Yeah, um… here, let me give you my number, just give me a text when you get there and I’ll let you in.” Harry grabbed a napkin and pulled a pen from his jacket pocket, quickly scrawling out his number before he handed it to her.

“Okay, I’ll uh, see you there, then.”

YN smiled when they locked eyes, hoping to give her one last reason to trust them before Jackie left, though the waitress couldn’t really be blamed if she didn’t show. And YN knew she had every right not to. They were strangers after all, and meeting at the damn police station wasn’t exactly ideal.

“Hopefully she comes.” Harry reached for the bill but YN’s hand quickly flew over his.

“You paid for the room and board. I can at least buy the waffles.”

He shrugged, letting her take the envelope. “Hardly a fair trade but okay.”

Rolling her eyes, she grabbed her card from her wallet and stuck it inside the envelope. “I offered to help pay for that too, in case you forgot.”

“I didn’t. Just don’t want you to.”

She met his gaze across the table, narrowing her eyes at him suspiciously as she replaced the envelope back at the edge of the bed. “And why wouldn’t you?”

“It’s not necessary.”

“But I crashed your weekend.”

“Not really.” He sighed, pushing back the flyaway hairs that had fallen onto his forehead.

She eyed him curiously for a moment. “So, what? You’ll take me sleeping with you as a form of payment, then?”

“If you’re offering, then sure. But otherwise, no.” He took one last sip of his water while a different waitress grabbed their check for them, waiting until she was gone until he continued. “Can’t you just accept that I don’t want any form of payment from you and just be satisfied with buying me the damn waffles?”

“So you don’t want to sleep with me then?”

“Is there a reason you keep twisting my words?”

Shrugging, she fought back a smile that desperately wanted to show itself. “Because it’s fun.”

That same unfamiliar waitress dropped off the envelope, smiling and telling them to have a good day before she took off again. YN replaced her card into her wallet and filled out the bill, leaving a decent tip for Jackie that she also hoped would convince her to come.

Once she was done and stuffing her copy of the receipt into her bag, Harry already started sliding his way out of the booth. “Let’s go. You’ve already made us late this morning, distracting me with that fucking towel.”

They made it to the station a little before noon, most definitely behind schedule, but Harry wasn’t really counting anymore. Especially when he held the door to the precinct open for YN and as soon as he got hit with a rush of her perfume, and he was considering taking a rain check on the entire afternoon. 

His momentary lapse in judgment didn’t follow him inside the station, however, as he got his head screwed back on straight before both him and YN approached the younger, male officer at the front desk.

It was a quick exchange as Harry caught him up on why they were there and the officer seemed to understand immediately, either having been the one Harry had talked to on the phone or someone had actually informed the poor guy who was stuck with desk duty. It wasn’t often Harry called ahead and found anyone once he arrived who knew what the hell he was talking about. So, needless to say, it was a breath of fresh air.

After they showed the officer their word ID badges to verify their identities, they were let into the area behind the desk and then led down a hall towards an open door on the lefthand side.

Once inside, there was another—albeit brief—sigh of relief when Harry saw all the file boxes already neatly placed on the large conference table in the middle of the empty, dimly-lit room. Then he counted them—five total—and realized it might take longer than he realized. 

“This is probably the first time ever I’ve been on a case and the police have actually cooperated with me.” Harry mused, mostly to himself, but the officer who’d led them back heard and, to Harry’s surprised, chuckled.

“To be honest, we hope you see something we haven’t. Folks in this town like to attach blame on people based on conspiracies.” The officer replied, to which Harry just raised a curious eyebrow at while YN made her way over to the table and began digging in.

Harry watched her for a moment, wishing they had put their heads together on the story a while ago instead of hiding ideas from each other in the name of competition. He could almost admit she might’ve been right when she tried convincing him it was a good thing she was joining him—that two minds were better than one. 

The officer cleared his throat, wrapping his hand around the doorknob, readying to leave them to it. “Anything else I can get you?”

Harry began shaking his head, and then remembered there was, in fact, one more thing “Actually, yeah, um, I was wondering if you still had the files of that Jane Doe you found in the woods, too?”

The officer hesitated a moment but then nodded, insisting he’d be right back with them. YN, on the other hand, froze as she sifted through a file, the fact that the buried victim had never been identified tugging at her heartstrings.

“I didn’t know she was never ID’d.”

Harry nodded, grabbing the singular box of files the officer returned with before kicking the door shut once he and YN were alone. “It’s pretty sad.”

“Yeah,” YN agreed absently, setting down the file in her hands and taking the box from Harry. “Might mean she was from out of town.”

Harry still stood near the doorway, tilting his head as he considered that idea for the first time. “Didn’t think of that, you’re probably right. So,” he began, coming around to the opposite side of the table, “You deal with that one, puny little box and I get all the rest?”

She just shrugged though, keeping her eyes glued onto one of the files for the Jane Doe. “I want to find out what happened to her… who she was.”

Even though she didn’t see, Harry nodded in understanding, letting go of any attempts to making their situation at all amusing. Because nothing about sifting through murder files was amusing, but it was his way of dealing with it. If he didn’t, his job would get a lot harder. But as for YN, he got it. Cold cases were always difficult to cover because they didn’t always figure anything new out, and it was even more seldom they actually made any concrete headway into the suspect. He wasn’t about to bring that up, though, not as she spread out a few papers on the table and got that look on her face. The concentrated, lip biting one he had shamefully been imagining this morning in the shower while he—

Yeah that was the very last thing he needed to be thinking about right now.

Most of their time was spent in silence as they skimmed through various documents. Sometimes they pointed out certain things that they hadn’t previously known about. Harry was particularly interested in the details about the break-ins themselves and found himself preoccupied with those files longer than any of the others.

But, as he expected, by one o’clock, they hadn’t found any huge breakthrough. They’d have to make copies of what they deemed important and go over the details later when they were actually writing their story.

And he didn’t know about YN, but it’d also help to clear his head if he wasn’t currently sitting across from her and practically counting every one of her breaths. He was having a shit time focusing on much of anything anymore.

Sighing, he checked the time on his phone. “You think she’ll actually show?”

YN shrugged, not meeting his gaze. “Who knows. Even if she does talk to us, that doesn’t mean she’ll agree to having any of it written down.”

“I guess.” Harry hung his chin in his palm, just watching her for a moment while he gave his eyes a break. When she finally realized he was staring, she narrowed her eyes at him.

“What?”

Shaking his head and hiding his stupid little smile, he said something that wouldn’t get him smacked, like telling her she was cute while she worked most definitely would have. “What do you think about those conspiracies?”

“I think,” YN began, a little more impassioned off the get-go that Harry realized she’d be, slamming the file she’d been skimming closed while she was at it. “It’s just bullshit. I think people think Cyprus knew there was something more going on and tried to bury it after the fact to cover his ass. But literally none of it seems fishy so far. I already skimmed through the police reports that were made when those girls saw the man in a mask. He even signed them. But, I mean… there’s only so much you can do, really, it’s not like he had much to go off of. And you know I’m not one to defend an officer.”

He considered all that for a moment, then shrugged. “I agree. I think it’s all just so people have someone to blame. And maybe he does share some of it, who knows? But, in the end, I don’t think he was the killer.”

“If you ask me,” YN huffed, looking down at the mess of paperwork they’d created, “this guy is long gone, and will probably never be caught. They couldn’t find a stitch of evidence.”

“Besides footprints.”

YN nodded, “Yeah, well, those were a pair of men’s size ten shoes, about the average size worn by American men. It’s also not much to go off of when they don’t have the shoes.”

“I’ll have to steal that bit of information when I write my story, thanks.”

She eyed him carefully, “Your story?”

He sat back in his chair, crossing his arms. “Yes, my story.”

“Lenny put us both on it. We’re co-authors.”

“We’ll see.”

“No,” she nearly shouted, “we won’t.”

Then he leaned forward, placing his elbows on the edge of the table in front of him, keeping his arms folded as he smirked at her. “It might cost you another plate of waffles, then.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I like making you mad.” His smirk grew so big, she thought she’d have to smack it off of his face. “It’s cute.”

“So, I’m cute when I’m scared, cute when I’m mad… anything else?”

He thought that over for a moment then nodded almost intimidatingly slow. He held her stare and she couldn’t avert her gaze even if she tried because he was… looking at her in that same way again. The way he had when she was in that towel and just that look alone had her body reacting in very shameful ways. “I bet you’re also cute when you—“

His phone dinged then and she nearly jumped out of her skin as they both peeled their eyes from each other and stared at the screen. It was an unknown number and when Harry swiped to check out what the message said, he read it silently. But the look of disappointment on his face a moment later told her everything she needed to know before he even filled her in.

“She’s not coming.”

“What’d she say?”

He clicked off his phone and set it down. “That she’s not coming.”

Rolling her eyes, she grabbed another file from the box they’d been slowly doing some damage on, “I don’t think I’ve told you I hate you today.”

“Mm,” he hummed in disagreement, “No, I distinctly remember you saying that this morning.” 

“Well at least you know.”

“Yeah,” he held her gaze, “I do.”

She toyed with the edge of a manilla folder, something he definitely noticed in his peripheral vision, while she stared at him like she was gearing up to say something she didn’t exactly have the confidence to. He just waited patiently, though, averting his gaze back to the paperwork in front of him as he hid his smile because he already knew exactly what was going to come out of her mouth. And seeing her all flustered amused him way too much.

She cleared her throat after a moment and when he glanced up, she wasn’t watching him anymore. “So, um… what were you saying… before?”

His smile grew, knowingly. He was just surprised she actually wanted to circle back to that instead of just ignoring it. She had to have some inkling as to what he had been about to say before he was cut off. 

“Hm,” he feigned ignorance, “you’ll have to remind me.”

“Don’t play dumb, Harry.”

Nodding after a moment, he sat forward, bringing his elbows onto the table. “I don’t know if you’ll want to hear it.”

“Why not?”

“Because you might smack me.”

“When have I ever smacked you?”

He shrugged. “You might start now. It’s not very appropriate, what I was about to say.”

The amusement returned to him as she became very visibly flustered, shifting in her seat until she composed herself again. “I can’t even count on one hand the amount of times you’ve been inappropriate today alone.”

“Possibly. But what I was about to say might blow the rest out of the water.”

She finally huffed and threw up her hands and he considered for a moment that she might smack him for not telling her. “Harry, just fucking say it already.”

“If you insist.” To her surprise, he stood. Her stomach twisted into knots and her palms grew clammy as she watched him round the table, never taking his eyes off her. Then she found it hard to breathe when he pulled the chair out beside her and sat in it, scooting himself right up to her, closer than she was used to but not in a bad way. Close enough that his knee was touching her outer thigh and if she was distracted but that, it quickly got worse. He lifted his hand, then, going slow as if he was asking permission, and when she didn’t pull away, he reached over, gently sweeping his fingertips over her cheek as he tucked loose strands of hair behind her ear. He leaned forward, bringing them even closer as she did, once and for all, lose the ability to breathe. Then his voice was at her ear, soft and deep, giving her goosebumps. “I was going to say…” He toyed with her hair again, and she saw him smirk in her peripheral, “I bet you’re cute when you come, too.”

She swallowed hard, finally turning to look at him as his hand came down onto the back of her chair. THeir faces closer than they’d ever been before. “No… that’s not very appropriate.”

She just barely caught him glancing at her mouth. “Told you.”

She wasn’t sure where the confidence to say what she did next came from, maybe from how he was looking at her, but she also hadn’t really considered any consequences when she opened her mouth to say, “Does that mean you’ve thought about what I look like when I come?”

The smirk that had grown near permanent residence on his face deepened, showing off his dimples now that would have made her incredibly weak in the knees if she were standing. “And if it does?”

She watched him for a moment, actually considering her words this time and deciding that she would, in fact, enjoy the consequences of them. “Then I’d tell you to find out for yourself.”

He tilted his head. “Thought you weren’t interested?”

“I’m not.”

“No?” He inched his hand back to her face, drawing his fingertips down to her jaw, his eyes glued to her lips, not even trying to hide it.

“Not even a little bit,” she whispered. It was a very obvious lie and he knew it. If he could hear the inside of her brain, in fact, he’d hear nothing but her screaming at him to kiss her already.

Then he leaned in and just as her stomach flipped and her eyes fluttered shut, he stopped. She could feel his lips moving as he spoke again, which just irritated her because she really wanted him to stop talking already.

“Still not interested?”

“Harry,” she opened her eyes again and found him, watching her curiously, “This is why I hate you.”

She also felt him when he smiled. And then when he swiped his thumb across her cheek and buried the rest of his fingers in her hair. “That’s not very nice.”

She blinked and something dawned on her then as she put an inch of distance between them, “Are you messing with me right now?”

A crease formed between his brows as he glanced back and forth between her eyes, testing to see if she was being serious. “Messing with you?”

She swallowed, “Well, I thought…” she really didn’t want to finish her sentence in case he was, in fact messing with her. In case he was about to laugh at her and return to his seat again, then tease her for how easily she’d fallen for it the entire rest of their weekend.

“Thought what?” He tilted his head, eyes scanning her entire face. “That I was going to get this close to kissing you and not do it?”

She dropped her eyes, staring at a spot on his chest in obvious omission. And he did not like that one bit.

Closing the gap she’d created between them, he brought her attention back as he placed his forehead on hers. “I’m not messing with you and I am going to kiss you. I just needed to know if that’s what you want.”

Her stomach fluttered as she nodded and, smiling, he mumbled, “Okay, then,” before dropping his lips to hers finally. Softly at first, until she kissed him back and he tilted his head to deepen it, pushing her backwards a bit and making her giggle around his mouth. 

He came closer then, sitting on the very edge of his seat, one hand on her cheek, in her hair and the other one not even aware of its place on her thigh. She didn’t realize either, not with her mind distracted by the feeling of his mouth on hers. Too focused on his tongue making its way to her own, the way the pad of his thumb felt pressed against her skin, holding her in place, tilting her head back to meet him. 

But then the hand on her thigh squeezed, finally gaining both of their attention as she gasped into his mouth. Even so, he quickly pulled back for a moment, loosening his grip on her thigh.

“Sorry,” he mumbled breathlessly, but before he could retreat his hand, she folded hers over the top of it, holding him there. 

“Like I told you… it’s fine.”

She kept her hand on his until it was clear he wasn’t going to stop touching her, and as she slipped her hand away, he moved his further up her thigh. She followed the path he took, her forehead on his still, heart racing.

“You like it when I touch you?” He asked, quietly, still in that voice that… sent a wave of heat someplace it really didn’t need to be. Not if they planned on getting any work done.

She nodded, swallowing the nervous pit in her throat. It wasn’t because she didn’t trust him, the nerves came in a rush because she’d never been touched the way he was touching her right now. Had never been touched by him specifically like this before and it made her so fucking nervous.

He pressed forward then, realigning their lips as the kiss became something deeper. Less rooted in just messing around and… meaning something this time. Something she really didn’t want to think about but that didn’t really matter for long when his hand moved to spread her legs apart, allowing him to shift his knees between hers and bring himself closer still.

Then it was as if he devoured her, stealing all her breath, pinning her back against her chair and soaking up every one of the moans she let out, particularly the ones when he pressed his thumb against her and she made it loud and clear she wanted there to be less clothing in the way.

It was less than a second that his mouth lifted off of hers, allowing her to get a couple breaths in, as he did too, before he went back in for more as if he couldn’t get enough. And then she lifted her hands to the back of his neck, tangling her fingers in his hair and tugging, gently, and suddenly he was the one moaning, the sound deep in his throat, vibrating against her lips.

She tugged a little harder, then, mostly because her lungs were burning, begging her to stop and catch her breath but that was the very last thing she wanted, to stop kissing him. To stop feeling the fluttering in her stomach each time he made his touch known again. When he went deeper, gripped harder, explored further. The last thing she wanted him to do was stop.

But then there really wasn’t much of a choice.

A knock on the door sent them flying off of each other, as if they both just then realized where they were for the first time since their lips touched. Or maybe even before that. And they probably would have stayed in that little bubble for a lot longer than that, if not for the extremely untimely interruption.

They stared at each other a moment before Harry pushed away in his chair and stood, running a hand through his hair to make sure there wasn’t any evidence of what they’d been doing as he walked toward the door. Glancing over his shoulder to make sure YN was good, he opened the door, clearing his throat.

“Sorry, I, uh… was in the file room and found another box. Thought you might want it.” The officer from earlier handed the box over to a very disheveled, flustered Harry and he took it, nearly dropping it when his muscles threatened to give out on him, still reeling from what he’d just been doing.

“Oh, uh, thanks. Yeah. We’ll uh…” Harry nodded, attempting a smile. “Thanks.”

He heard YN stifle a laugh behind him but the officer didn’t seem to notice—or didn’t care enough—as he tipped his head and let them be once again. Carrying the box inside the room, he set it down on the table with the others, making his way back to her.

“Something funny?” He asked as he dropped himself into the chair beside her, keeping a safe distance this time while he went back to sorting through the files they’d laid out before… well before things got a teensy bit out of hand.

“Uh… uh… yeah… th-thanks, officer.” She mocked him, even lowering her voice a bit to sound like him, laughing while he bit back a smile because the very last thing he was giving her was the satisfaction.

“It’s your fault.”

“And exactly how is that?”

He turned his head toward her finally, nearly forgetting what he was about to say when he saw her smiling. She didn’t often and since he mostly saw her at work, he really couldn’t blame her. Most of her smiles were forced at work but this was most definitely real and he’d let her mock him all day if it truly made her that happy.

But then he snapped out of it. “Kissing me the way you did, how was I meant to think straight after that?”

“How I did? You were most definitely the one kissing me, not the other way around.”

“Mhm, so it wasn’t you pulling my hair then?”

She froze for a moment, every ounce of her features embarrassed by what she had done. Because as much as she liked and wanted him to touch her, she still was unsure about herself when touching him. “It was the ghost.”

He shook his head. “No, that was all you.”

Swallowing, she clasped her hands in her lap, facing forward in her seat and staring absently at the papers in front of her because she was about to break out in a sweat if she held his gaze for a moment longer. “I’m sorry, I-.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I don’t know.” She admitted. She couldn’t really blame it on not knowing if he liked it or not considering he was very vocal about how much he liked it. And she also couldn’t explain why she felt so embarrassed.

“You don’t need to apologize for touching me. I like it. Just like you do.”

She nodded, leaving it there, knowing it would take some warming up to before she felt comfortable touching him without overthinking it for a hour beforehand. After all, it had taken her almost the entire time they’d been making out for her to gain the courage to bury her hands in his hair in the first place. 

“So, um…” she began before she’d really thought about how to word what she wanted to say. To ask him. If that kiss meant something or if they were just simply fucking around. She told herself she wouldn’t care either way, but part of her still relentlessly hoped it had meant something. But she—and her fear of rejection—suddenly realized she didn’t want to know. 

“Yeah?” He watched her, waiting penitently as he tried reading into the expressions on her face. Tried to guess what she was about to say, but he really didn’t have much luck because she quickly sighed and faced the files once more.

“Nothing. We should probably get back to work.” 

They worked into the evening, making photocopies of all the files they wanted to look into further on their own well after six o’clock and definitely while both of their stomachs were grumbling to be fed as they listed off options for dinner and settled on pizza.

Before seven, though, they were all packed up and saying their goodbyes and thank-you to the officers on shift then heading back out into the cold, their eyes needing some time to adjust to the dark since the last time they were outside, it’d been daytime still.

“You hungry?” He asked after securing the box of files in the trunk of the rental car, making sure it was locked.

“Obviously.”

“Don’t obviously me.” He teased as he glared at her over the roof of the car, unlocking the doors from the driver’s side.

“Don’t be annoying then.”

“I’m not annoying.”

“Yeah,” she deadpanned, dragging her door open on the passenger side the second he unlocked it, “you are.”

She disappeared inside then and he rolled his eyes as he joined her, turning the ignition and making sure the heat was on before he responded. 

“If I’m annoying to you that is your own problem, not mine.”

She pulled her seatbelt on. “Have you considered just being less annoying?”

“Annoying is a very relative term. How am I supposed to know when I’m being annoying?”

“When I tell you that you are,” she stated, as if that, too, was obvious.

“Right because you’re not biased against me at all.”

She rolled her eyes at his sarcasm and wondered why they hadn’t both gone to law school the way they argued over literally nothing. Over whether or not Harry was annoying. But then she figured she was being a tad unfair simply because she was hungry.

Sighing, she changed the subject. “What exactly is on your itinerary for tonight, then? After we eat, obviously.”

“Don’t think you’ll like it much.”

She whipped her head around. “We’re not going out to that field again, are we?”

“You don’t have to go anywhere you don’t want to. But… no, not there.”

“Then?”

“Well, um, it’s not exactly legal, per se.”

She scrunched her brows in confusion and then swiftly realized what he was referring to. “You couldn’t go about that in a legal way?”

“Hell no, the cops would follow us around. Take anything we might find. I wanted to break in. At night.”

“You really wanted to break into a condemned building where an entire family was murdered all by yourself?”

He shrugged. “I don’t exactly believe in ghosts like some of us do.”

“Yeah, that’s not how it seemed last night.”

“Perhaps I was just trying to get you to sleep with me.”

Then she just did it. Smacked him. She didn’t think about it at all, didn’t even have time to consider being embarrassed or feeling as if she’d crossed a line. 

“Ouch.” He rubbed the spot like the giant baby he was. “Why are you always trying to hurt me?”

“I’m not always trying to hurt you,” she argued. 

“Maybe not physically,” he agreed, “but it did hurt when you said you weren’t interested in me.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I’m being serious.”

She held his gaze for a while, narrowing her eyes and trying to decide for herself if he was actually being serious or not.

“Actually, you’re just being annoying again.”

He shrugged, letting it slide because he was intentionally being a bit annoying. “I guess I don’t have to worry about that anymore though. Not if the way you kissed me was any indication of your very apparent interest.”

“If you don’t shut up and drive someplace that sells pizza, I’m going to let the ghost have you.”

They sat at the small dining table about a half hour later, sharing a large pizza straight from the box like they hadn’t eaten in days. She supposed the hours spent staring at tiny words worked up an appetite. 

The making out probably had something to do with it as well. And also the hours after that spent holding herself back from making out with him some more.

“So when are we going to the house?”

He wiped his greasy mouth on a napkin and swallowed. “Well, I also wanted to check out this local bar before. Bartenders, like waitresses, usually know things. And since our waitress was a bust…”

“Fine with me,” she clapped her hands together then, kicking off the dust from her fingers before she stood. “I’m gonna go get ready.”

He nodded, watching as she first made her way to her suitcase, digging around for a minute or two until she had what she needed and headed to the bathroom. Meanwhile, Harry finished off the last slice of pizza and then used the sink in the kitchen to wash up.

She got ready in front of the mirror, changing out of her jeans and long-sleeve and into the one and only dress she’d packed. She hadn’t been sure she’d need it, but she was now glad she had it. It was simple, a black sweater-type dress that fit loosely with a hem that just barely reached her upper thigh. If she moved the wrong way, however, there would definitely be a show, but she was comfortable and warm so that was all that mattered.

Working on her hair next, she brushed through it while using the blow dryer she’d packed, keeping the frizz down that would have otherwise been out of hand with the humidity. Once she had it at a decent enough point, she put on a tiny bit of makeup, just to look the part of someone going to a bar for fun and not to poke around about a murder case. 

Once she was finished, she gathered her old clothes and made her way back into the living room. The second she stepped within Harry’s sightline, his eyes were immediately drawn to her, to her bare thighs in particular. To the way one of her sage colored socks was bundled down around her ankle and the other was were it was supposed to be. To the way she walked like she knew he was staring, practically with his mouth hanging open, but didn’t even give him the light of day as she folded her clothes up back into her suitcase and grabbed her boots off the floor where she’d taken them off when they first got back with the pizza.

She still hadn’t acknowledged his existence when she made her way to the couch, boots in tow. At least not until right before she sat down, she finally lifted her eyes to meet his, smiling to herself at the way he stared and then quickly turned on her heel and sat down.

Before she got too far into doing up her boots, actually only making it until her left foot was in, Harry’s own shoes came into view. And then his legs, torso and eventually face as her eyes glazed up the length of him, sitting back into the couch and tilting her head back curiously.

“Can I help you with something?”

He just shook his head no and then gestured toward her one booted foot, the laces still astray. It took her a moment before she realized what he was doing, before he shifted his weight and bent his knee, waiting for her to give him her foot so he could tie up her shoes for her.

She knew better than to assume his intentions were as innocent as just that though, but she liked it anyway. She liked watching him as she sat back against the couch and lifted her foot up into his hold. Liked the way his eyes wandered as he placed the sole of her boot against his thigh and began working on the laces as slowly as he could manage without really paying any attention to what he was doing.

Her whole body hummed as his mischievous gazes lingered. “And here I thought you just wanted to tie my shoes for me.” 

His eyes that had most definitely previously been glued to the entire length of her bare leg, shot up to her face. “That is all I’m doing.”

“Right. Sure.” And then he went back to tying, keeping his eyes to himself which took every ounce of willpower he had. He didn’t make it very far though, and all that willpower was wasted when her hands slipped to the hem of her dress. His fingers froze on her boot as she gathered the material, shifting the hem of her dress higher and higher up her thighs and he had to swallow the pit that had formed in his throat while he watched. While she gave him something to look at. He felt what she was doing to him in places he really shouldn’t be, not if they were planning on sticking to the itinerary. 

To make matters worse, even though she kept the important bits hidden, he still had his imagination and it was running wild with the knowledge of what she was wearing underneath that dress. The black lace panties he’d picked out for her this morning. He was… he was seconds away from losing what little willpower there was left. But she seemed to notice that then, the way his eyes had darkened, growing hungry, needy, and she—gently—pushed into him with her left foot, the one he still held up to his thigh. It nearly knocked him off balance, but it definitely did the trick of snapping him out of it.

He blinked a couple times until his head was clear. “That was rude.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She shrugged, adjusting the hem of her dress while he finished tying her boot for her, shaking his head at her in disbelief. 

He put her left leg back on the floor and waited for the right one next. But he soon learned that, as she sat forward on the couch again to slip her foot into the other boot, she wasn’t quite done teasing him. Because she then looked up at him and her face was far too close to a very inappropriate area. One that was becoming very hard and uncomfortable in his jeans.

His reaction to her must’ve been written all over his face because she just smirked up at him and then sat back once more, lifting her right foot to his thigh.

“You know, if you wanted to look up my dress, you could’ve just asked.”

He tilted his head, considering that as he worked on her boot, pulling her sock up and adjusting it before he tightened the laces. “If I see anymore than what I just did, we’re not going to make it out of this house.”

The twisting in her stomach returned. Also because his eyes had wandered to the inside of her thigh again. She really wanted him to touch her—this time without her jeans getting in the way—so badly she nearly reached out to grab his hand to make him touch her. And she’d never wanted that so badly in her entire life; it almost scared her how much she wanted it now.

When he’d finishing tying her boot and moved to drop her foot, she kept her leg in place instead, pushing back against him. Once he realized that she wasn’t budging, he met her gaze with wide eyes, those vibrant green irises of his darkened once again.

They stared at each other for a moment, silently, before he moved his right hand to her ankle first, going slow to make sure that was what she wanted. And when she didn’t say anything, just held his stare, he knew.

So he went further, trailing his hand up her calf to the bend in her knee where he grabbed her leg with his other hand and made room for himself on the couch between her thighs, watching as she bit down on her lip when his knee pressed against someplace he imagined she really wanted his hands to be.

Instead, his left hand drew up the outside of her thigh, lifting her leg further onto his hip until he pinned it in place there, opening her up to him as he leaned down—gripping the back of the couch for support with his other hand—to trail his lips up her neck until he reached her ear.

“Are you going to show me what you want, or should I just guess?” She sucked in a breath of air at his words, not just because of them, but also because of that voice, the same one from before, the one that sounded so… so deep and and soft at the same time in way that made her feel it all the way to her core. And she wanted him to feel that too.

She reached for his right hand that was still holding him in place and he easily shifted his weight to give it to her, to let her guide him down to her leg again, taking him lower and lower until he was where she wanted him on the inside of her thighs instead. They held each other’s gaze as she slid his hand just a few more inches underneath her dress, her mouth parting at the feeling of his fingers pressed against her finally. 

He readjusted quickly, letting go of her leg and shifting his weight closer, making more room for himself, forcing her leg to bend at the knee which gave him much better access to what she wanted him to do. The roughness of his jeans grazing against the soft skin of her thighs each time he moved even the slightest bit made her head spin. The whole entire room spun, in fact, as she slipped her hand off of his and his touch remained where she wanted it, letting him take over. He leaned over her again, pinning her in place against the cushions as he brought his left hand down beside her head to support his weight now and then brought lips to hers, swallowing the moan she let out when he began rubbing his fingers over her.

“I would’ve guessed right, it seems,” he muttered, his thumb quickly replacing his fingers as they traveled south and pressed into her as much as they could with all that taunting lace in the way. He was glad for it though, because he could already feel how wet she was through the fabric. 

He knew she wanted more when she thrust her hips up toward him and he was not exactly in a place to deny her of that. But he did want to mess around with her just a little bit more.

Pressing their foreheads together to separate their mouths, he kept his lips close—but not quite touching hers—and pulled away slightly when she tried to reach for more. “What is it that you want me to do now, YN?”

She whined then, through an exasperated laugh that turned into a very desperate sound he nearly lost himself over. “Please, Harry, you know…” She breathed out, titling her head back and fluttering her eyes closed, whispering, “You know what I want.”

He nipped at a spot on her neck, pressing his lips against her skin as she lost all ability to breathe, and let his voice vibrate against her pulse, “Do I?”

“God, I hate you.”

He chuckled, the feel and sound of the noise he made giving her goosebumps. “I know you do.”

Without an answer from her, though, he decided to make the stakes even worse. Bringing his lips to her jaw, he tugged firmly on the lace and pulled her panties aside all in one smooth, swift motion, soon giving her nothing but his thumb as it circled agonizingly slow over that very sensitive bundle of nerves while she cried out at the new sensation of his skin against hers. Nothing at all in the way this time.

He kissed her again, needing to feel the way her sounds did against his mouth as if he’d die without it. And when he pulled back, he met her half-closed eyes, whispering breathlessly, “Show me.”

She held her breath for a moment after his demand before she slipped her hand back down to her body, finding his hand and folding her fingers over his own as she guided them down the length of her and then slowly pressed them inside of her. She wasn’t the only one making noise this time as he felt all of her for the first time. Her hand fell away and he buried his index and middle fingers in deeper, as far as they would go, his head spinning at her warmth and the way she was contracting her muscles around him. It took every ounce of self control to not replace his fingers with something else. 

“How long have you been this wet?” He asked, half under his breath, while she just shrugged, too boos watching his hand as is disappeared underneath the hem of her dress. He still wondered though, when exactly she’d gotten that way. Maybe it’d been when he’d first looked at her as he tied her boots, or when he’d finally touched her. When he’d asked her to show him what she wanted. Or maybe it’d been long before that, back when they were in the police station and maybe she’d just been waiting for him this whole time. Either way it happened, his fingers were slick with her and he ran them very quickly back up to that bundle of nerves, giving his thumb something to work with before he slipped back inside of her.

Then he watched her expressions change as he curled his fingers upward, gliding them across a spot that made her legs jerk as his fingers retreated, and then he quickly followed those same movements as he pushed his way back inside, keeping his thumb planted where it had been. His hair fell over his forehead in a disheveled mess when he leaned over her once more.

“Is this what you want? To come around my fingers?”

She nodded, her hand going to his forearm where she dug her nails in when he fucked her with his fingers once more, faster this time. And not stopping. The ungodly sounds she made got lost somewhere in his mouth again. And this time, she didn’t overthink it for a second as she brought her arms around the back of his neck, pulling him closer and digging her fingers into his hair, each tug a sign of how good he was making her feel with his hand between her thighs.

He was a constant, torturous wave of pleasure that had her body wriggling to get away, to stop herself from losing it—losing all control. Because he was bringing her right to the edge of that cliff with no signs of slowing down. Her hand was still wrapped around his arm, but it was listless now, simply holding on just enough to follow his movements each time his fingers dug up into her, still seamlessly hitting that same spot as before that was making her come undone faster than she wanted to. She wanted to stay like this for hours longer. Wanted to feel him for as long as she could. His thumb doing magic tricks and his fingers fucking her better than anyone ever had. And if he was this good with his hands, she couldn’t wait to find out what else he could do.

“Harry…” She whispered, a barely even audible sound but it made him breathless to hear her say his name like that. Telling him that she was close, seconds away from unraveling around him.

“I know.” His eyes found hers just before they fluttered shut as she let go. As he moved just a fraction of a bit faster. A bit harder. Her thighs pressed against him tightly—the friction of his jeans once again making it hard for her to breathe—but he didn’t budge even an inch to let her close them. He adjusted his knees further onto the couch to lock her in place when she began to pull away from his touch.

And then he sent her off the edge, her head bent over the back of the couch now, with his hand tangled in her hair, letting out everything stuck inside of her that he hoped the poor elderly neighbors couldn’t hear. He kept moving inside of her, mostly because he didn’t want to stop feeling the way she pulsed around his fingers and he couldn’t wait to feel that around a more sensitive part of his body whenever they got to that point. 

But for now, he let her come and then watched her closely to know when she had had enough, pulling his fingers from her as she practically melted into the couch. She felt the swipe of wetness against her thigh as he readjusted her underwear back into place and then fluttered her eyes open moments later when his hand lost all contact.

Because he wanted her to watch him as he sucked his fingers into his mouth, tasting her and then wasting no more time as he brought his mouth down to hers again, letting her taste herself too as he slipped his tongue past her lips.

He lifted his mouth after a moment. “I was right.”

He was positive she’d look just as dazed even if she did comprehend what he was saying. So, he chuckled, quickly explaining himself after guiding his lips to her ear.

“You’re cute when you come too.”

She shut her eyes again, laying her head back with her mouth open as she struggled to get enough oxygen in. “You’re welcome to be reminded of that any time you like.”

“Is that an invitation?”

She nodded without a single breath of hesitation. “Any time.” She reiterated.

“What about when you’re alone in your office?” He kissed his way down her neck, lips lingering on her pulse for a moment longer. Then he trailed his way back up to her ear, glancing at her face while he whispered, “Because I’ve thought about all the ways we can make your desk useful countless times.”

“Are you saying my desk is useless?”

He chuckled, his breath fanning out pieces of her hair which he quickly fixed, tucking it behind her ear as he then placed both hands on either side of her face and his forehead on hers, staring at her swollen lips while he spoke. “I think it’d be better utilized if I was fucking you on top of it.”

Her whole body shuddered as her lips curled into a pout like there was nothing more she wanted in the world than for him to do exactly that. But since they weren’t alone in her office, he settled with kissing her on a very uncomfortable couch in a possibly haunted air bnb instead.

They stayed that way for a while, which would’ve turned into a while longer than that if he hadn’t felt her hands slip to his jeans, fumbling to undo them.

He pulled away then, grabbing both her wrists to stop her from going any further and shook his head when she looked up at him, confused. Pouting again.

“Trust me, I want that more than anything right now,” he explained, just so she’d stop looking at him the way she was, like he was rejecting her. “But we have places to be.”

He held her wrists as he backed off of the couch and stood on shaky limbs, pulling her up with him, even though the state of her legs was far worse than his. So he wrapped her arms around his neck, holding on until she tightened her hold and brought herself closer, close enough to rest her head on his chest as she came out of that dizzying fog. And, sure, it could have been because he’d just had his fingers inside of her that caused her to cling to him but he was going to savor every last second of it. Because, if it were up to him, he would stay like that all night with her, but he knew as soon as she came to her senses, she was going to pull away.

“Harry?” She mumbled after a much shorter span of time than he would have preferred, her voice slightly muffled by his shirt.

“Hm?” 

“What are we doing?”

He knew exactly what she meant but he really wasn’t ready for her to come to those senses just yet. “Hugging?”

“No, I mean—“ The second she started moving away from him, he tightened his hold around her waist, keeping her in place.

“I know what you mean.”

It was quiet between them for a moment while she relaxed into him again because at least Harry seemed to be on the same page. 

“We’re…” he began quietly, eyes searching the kitchen behind her for something to focus on that might calm the bubbling anxiety in his chest. He wanted to tell her that they were finally doing what he’d wanted to do for a while, what he hoped she’d also wanted. That when they got home, she’d continue to want it there, too. And not just the sex but everything else, too. Nothing really did the trick of calming him down, though, and he lost his nerve. “We should probably go.”

She was the first to pull away and he let her this time, both their arms falling away as they held each other’s gazes. She seemed to almost be waiting for him to do something—or say something more. But he didn’t get the chance when a loud smack sounded from the kitchen, near the dining table.

Looking up from her eyes, he noticed what had hit the floor before she did. Even so, she still twisted around in his arms and they fell back to his sides, mostly because he was in a small state of shock at what he was looking at.

It was his notebook. Which had been sitting in the middle of the table. 

“Um…” He stared, wide-eyed at it, trying to come up with an explanation for what had just happened because there wasn’t one. No gust of wind had come through. He hadn’t left it sitting on the edge of the table. And the only other person in the house was YN and she surely hadn’t done that. 

“I told you.” She whispered, twisted back to face him although she still glanced around the room, slightly terrified that they really weren’t alone.

Especially after what had just transpired on that couch. 

“Maybe it’s best if we just go.” He stepped away from her and even though she spun back around, ready to yell at him from leaving her side, he was already making his way, carefully, to the dining table. Once he was close enough to grab his keys and wallet, he snatched them quickly and then grabbed her coat on his way before joining her in the living room again.

Handing over her coat, she quickly slipped it on and then her purse over that, wanting nothing more than to get out of there before something else mysteriously fell over. 

Once she was ready, he slipped his hand into hers, entwining their fingers, and led the way out to the car, hoping by the time they got back, he could forget that that had happened.

They only had one more night after all. It’d be fine. He just… didn’t currently want to be in that house for a second longer.

“Still want to go breaking into old, abandoned houses later?” She asked as he turned the heat up in the car.

“Of course,” he said with way too much confidence for a man that had definitely just been spooked by a ghost, “I told you,” he glanced over at her, smirking, “you’re cute when you’re scared.”

The bar was already in full swing by the time they arrived, which is why he had planned to come earlier but again, he was not about to complain for the reason why they were behind schedule.

YN led the way inside, wrapping her hand around Harry’s as she weaved through people, some already drunk and rowdy and others on their way to that point. As Harry glanced around, trying not to be replaced by the smell of tequila and body odor, he was slightly jealous of the people who were just there to have fun on their Saturday night. Who laughed so loud it drowned out the heavy drums of the rock music pouring into the room. He found himself especially jealous of the couple they passed on the way to the bar, who’s hands wandered as they made out against one of the pool tables.

He snapped back to reality when YN tugged on his hand as she made a quick bee line to the very last open seat at the bar. They were not there to have fun, he knew that. She was at the bar not for drinks, but to hopefully be able to talk to one of the bartenders. Still, he came up behind her, draping his arm over her shoulder and pretended otherwise.

Especially when he reached up with his free hand and swiped her hair out of the way before kissing a spot along her jaw and then brought his lips to her ear, feeling her tense against him. “We could actually have fun, too, you know.”

She smiled, staring down at the counter and letting herself get lost in the idea of them just being some random couple being a little too handsy at the bar. They could probably get away with it, too, but the smile slowly faded when she thought about how much the quality of their work would suffer all for a couple hours of drunken fun. 

And maybe Harry could afford that but she really couldn’t.

She turned then, glancing at him over her shoulder. All thoughts of telling him that they needed to stay focused wen right out the window when she realized how close their faces were. When her eyes darted right down to his lips and she remembered the way they felt and how much she wanted them on her again.

“What can I get ya?” A loud, female voice pulled them apart from each other and they both faced the woman on the other side of the bar with very guilty looks. Because they were most definitely seconds away from saying fuck it to the whole thing.

YN cleared her throat first, “Um… I’ll just have a water.”

“Make that two.” Harry added and the woman, who’s name tag read Sandra, quickly grabbed two glasses from under the bar and set them on the counter in front of YN, filling them both.

“Are y’all new in town?” She asked, passing their glasses over to them before she began wiping down the bar. 

Harry glanced down at YN briefly while sipping on his water, exchanging looks before she nodded at him. Silently letting him know now was the time.

“Yeah, well… we’re actually just in town working on a story about what happened here a few years back.”

The bartender froze for a moment, and then went back to wiping the counter. “I’m sorry that’s your first impression of this place. We’ve been trying to regain our reputation ever since.”

Harry nodded in understanding, setting his glass down. “Were you around back then?”

She sighed, folding her rag up neatly and absently. “Yeah, people stopped going out, just locked themselves in their houses. Some even moved out all together. I was out of work for a while. Can’t blame them, though. Freaked me out, too.”

“Did you know any of the victims?” YN asked, hoping she wasn’t pressing too far.

But Sandra just shook her head, “No… well, not back then, I didn’t. But the second family that was attacked, their eldest daughter found them. She had just came home from college for the weekend.”

Again, YN and Harry shared a look, their minds right on the same track as each other. It was Harry who spoke first, though. “Was her name Jackie?”

Sandra looked up at him with wide eyes, “How’d you know about Jackie?”

“We’re… pretty good at our jobs.”

“I’ll say.” The bartender luckily brushed it off instead of asking anymore questions. Sighing, she crossed her arms over her chest and averted her gaze from the two of them. “But, yeah, Jackie she was working here before all that. I hadn’t met her but I did later on when she came back to work and her shifts changed. We got close. She ended up getting a new gig at the diner down the street last year, but we still talk sometimes.” She paused, seemingly lost in bittersweet memories of their friendship until another thought came to mind, “She still lives in the house, not out of choice, though, she’s had a hell of a time trying to sell the place.”

“That must be…” YN shook her head, not even sure she could describe how it must feel being stuck in the house where your entire family was murdered.

“Hell,” Sandra finished and both YN and Harry nodded in agreement.

“Yeah,” Sandra continued. “She lived with me for a while but it got hard and she ended up moving back in. I think, even though something tragic happened, being in that house still keeps her connected to her family.”

They could understand that too. They were also both incredibly grateful the meeting with Jackie hadn’t worked out because neither of them would have known how to handle that.

“Anyway, I don’t really know much else. She doesn’t either, even though she tried for a very long time to find out who did it. It drove her mad before she finally gave up.”

“What made her stop?”

Sandra smiled sweetly then. “She met someone. It didn’t last long but she realized she was wasting her life away on something she may never find answers to.”

Something about the way Sandra spoke made YN think the someone Jackie met had been Sandra herself, but YN figured that would be prying a little too much into things that neither she nor Harry really needed to know about.

“You said you were writing a story?”

They both nodded simultaneously.

“I don’t think she minds talking about it anymore, she’s probably still holding onto hope that if she talks to people, some new bit of information will come up. But I was just hoping, if you mention her, you could leave her name out of it.”

“Of course,” YN assured, having already decided to not include Jackie in any part of their story other than what was necessary to give readers a full picture. But leaving out her name was something that didn’t even need to be said.

“Thank you for talking with us, it’s much appreciated.” Harry smiled at her and Sandra returned it.

“Sure. If you two want anything else, just let me know.” 

As soon as Sandra left, Harry tucked himself into the space between YN and the person sitting next to them, his back toward the bar as he balanced his weight on it and faced YN. “So that was…”

“Not much help.” YN finished off her water, looking particularly disappointed as she set her glass on the counter beside Harry’s hand.

“No, but… at least we know who Jackie is now.”

“Yeah but—“ She shook her head, dropping her eyes to her hands in her lap, giving herself a moment to breathe through her frustration. “We’re still no closer to finding out anything new.”

Harry leaned over, reaching out to gently tuck her hair behind her ear. “We aren’t here to solve the case, YN, you know that.”

“I know, it’s just…”

“You want to find out what happened to that girl.”

She nodded.

“If we can’t find out maybe just including her in the story is all we can do. And maybe that leads to someone else down the line figuring it out.”

She knew she had to be okay with that even if, at the moment, she really wasn’t. They still had time to read through the files more thoroughly though, maybe they’d find something useful after all.

Harry squeezed her shoulder and brought her attention back to him. “I’m gonna head to the bathroom really quick, I’ll be right back.”

She wanted to argue about him leaving her there, in a crowded bar in an unfamiliar town, but he kissed her cheek before he left and it, weirdly, settled her nerves. Three days ago she never would have considered Harry kissing her in any manner as something that would calm her down.

Watching him until he slowly disappeared, she wondered what they would do when he got back. If they were going to continue asking around or if having fun was still on the table because she was more than up for it now after everything they’d just learned about Jackie. 

Before she got too lost in her daydreams about what type of fun her and Harry could potentially get up to, there was a tap on her shoulder.

And when she turned, she really wished Harry was still standing next to her. 

“Where’d your boyfriend go?” The man from last night inched closer, a bottle of beer in one hand and a pool cue on the other as he leaned onto the bar where Harry’d just been.

“He’s in the…” she stopped herself short, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

The man lifted a brow, “Does that mean you’re single then?”

She kind of wanted to punch this dude, but she clasped her hands in her lap and tried to be civil. “It doesn’t mean anything. He’s not my boyfriend and I’m not looking for one.” 

“You sure?” 

She nodded, impatiently. “Can I help you with something?”

Then he made it obvious as his eyes fell down the front of her, lingering on her thighs as he smiled. “I’m sure there are many things you could help me with.” 

Her heart began to race then, losing the confidence she’d had a moment ago when she’d wanted to punch him. Now she just wanted to run. To get really far away from him. Especially when she glanced over and found not only his two other friends from the previous night but also a few other men, all glancing over their shoulders at her.

Then it got worse as he leaned into her, bringing his lips close to her ear as she froze up. “Like your dress, by the way. I’m sure it comes off easy.”

His voice and words made her cringe and she found herself rolling her eyes instead of being terrified of him and wanting to run. “Is that really your best pick up line?”

The way his smile grew then made her swallow the pit in her throat. “You really don’t want me to say what’s actually on my mind.” 

No… she supposed she didn’t. 

“Look, he’s not my boyfriend, but he’s got me taken care of, alright? So why don’t you just go back to your friends over there?” She nodded over at them and they all seemed to avert their gazes at once.

The man followed her line of sight over his shoulder before turning back to her. “They aren’t nearly as fun as talking to you is.”

She was just mad at this point, looking over her own shoulder to see if Harry was even close to being back yet but she didn’t spot his familiar mess of curls anywhere. Sighing, she faced the man again.

“Yeah, well I can’t say the same about you, so can you just leave me alone?” She raised her voice a bit, hoping that someone close by might hear and step in. Or at least be aware that she wanted nothing to do with this guy.

“That wasn’t very nice.”

“Jason!” A familiar female voice shouted over the music and the voices and both the man and YN turned to find Sandra. “I believe she told you to leave her alone.”

“Why you always ruining my fun, Sandra?”

The bartender glanced at YN as they shared a knowing look. “Yeah, well, your fun’s one-sided so piss off.”

Jason narrowed his eyes at Sandra, then looked at YN again, opening his mouth to say something but then he glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “I was just keeping her company till her boyfriend got back.”

“She does’t seem to be very interested in your company, Jason. None of us are, in fact.”

YN knew Harry was back before he even slid his arm around her waist and tucked himself close to her. Before he even said one threatening word to Jason. It was just his familiar presence and how much it calmed every inch of her body.

“Everything alright over here?”

Jason smiled at Harry but not in a very nice way at all. “Sure is.”

Harry also had to hold himself back from starting a fight. But it was Sandra who cut through the tension and stopped any punches from being thrown.

“Jason, go back to your game of pool before I kick every last one of you outta here for good.” 

That, he seemed to listen to. And, after rolling his eyes, he pushed off the edge of the bar, winked once at Harry and then made his way back to his friends.

“Sorry ‘bout him. He’s a jackass, but he’s harmless.”

YN wasn’t really sure about that, but she moved on from the whole thing quickly when Harry tightened his hold around her, reminding her that he was there as she looked up into his worried gaze.

“You alright?”

She sighed, nodding. “Yeah, he didn’t do anything. Just talked.”

Harry held her gaze for a moment longer, possibly to make sure she really was okay before he lifted his eyes to Sandra and nodded. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. Seriously.” Harry knew what she was implying. That when they wrote their story and mentioned this town that they wouldn’t talk about the select few assholes that lived in it. He knew it wouldn’t be fair to everyone else to do so so he nodded again and Sandra smiled apologetically at both him and YN before she took off.

“You wanna get out go here?” He asked.

“Jesus,” she practically jumped down from her seat, “I thought you’d never ask.”

After a lot of convincing that she was fine, Harry finally agreed to drive them to the old abandoned house instead of what he’d really wanted to do. Take her home and make sure she was safe. It had been a much more appealing idea than what he’d originally planned, but she insisted and, so, they soon found themselves parked across the street from the house on a quiet, dark street a little past ten o’clock.

“You sure about this?” Harry gazed over at the house and then turned to meet her eyes, almost hoping she’d change her mind. 

Instead of giving him a solid answer, though, she just unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned over the center console until she was able to reach his lips. Kissing him was both to get him to shut up and also a silent thank you for him having her back earlier. He hadn’t done a whole lot, but just him showing up when he did had been enough. 

He lifted his hand to her cheek and deepened it for a moment before she pulled away. “Let’s go.”

She was out of the car before he had even caught his breath and by the time he was shutting his door behind him, after he’d retrieved his flashlight from the glovebox, she was halfway across the street, seemingly not bothered by the creepy flickering streetlight above them or the eery sound of cicadas his ears still weren’t used to.

Still, he followed after her, catching up until he was beside her, cursing under his breath at both her and how cold it was.

“You’re not scared are you?” She asked as they squeezed past the broken picket fence and then up the cracked cement pathway toward the front door.

“No, but it wouldn’t kill you to slow down a bit.”

She shrugged. “It might.” Still, she paused and held her hand out for him to grab and even though he just glared at her for a moment, he eventually rolled his eyes and took her hand, allowing her to drag him up the front steps of the small porch.

There was still crime scene tape and a piece of paper taped to the door, informing anyone who was stupid enough to get this close that the house was condemned and trespassers would be prosecuted. Ignoring it, YN reached out and tried the handle. To her surprise, it actually turned and the door creaked open. 

She didn’t step another foot closer, though, just peered inside into the darkness that lay beyond.

“Oh, so now you’re scared?”

“I feel like that door should have definitely been locked.” She whispered as Harry clicked on his flashlight and took a step in front of her.

“Probably had people coming in here, they could have picked the lock. Come on,” he grabbed her hand as he stepped inside and she reluctantly went with him, grabbing his arm too in order to keep close to him.

The house was… dirty, yes, but also normal. Just a normal living room, a normal set of stairs. Most all the furniture had been broken and scattered everywhere either by whatever type of people had broken in or by the cops when they searched the place for evidence. 

Harry scanned the flashlight around the room. No matter how much of a normal family home it looked, it was still someplace that marked a horrific event and, so, it gave her the creeps.

It didn’t help that she was also thinking about their ghost back at the air bnb.

She kept close as Harry led them into the kitchen, which was in an equal state of disarray. The fridge doors hung open and the window above the sink seemed to be the only one that hadn’t been boarded up. It was also broken, and let in a whistle of wind that gave her goosebumps.

“I don’t think there’s anything in here to find.”

Harry glanced at her over his shoulder. “Don’t tell me you’re scared. I tried to get you to go back to the house.”

“I’m not scared, just… they didn’t die in the kitchen.”

Harry averted his gaze, a solemn look crossing over his eyes before he nodded and turned them around, heading back out to the living room and then up the creaking stairs.  

The first room they went into had been decorated for a teenage girl at one point. Harry flashed the light around the window, which wasn’t boarded up, and the closet, trying to find anything that might give a clue as to how the murderer got in, but there was nothing noticeable.

“You know there was that one guy,” YN began as they made their way out into the hall, closing the girl’s room door behind them, “who just walked around, checking any random door until he found one that was unlocked and that’s how he decided who he’d kill.”

“You’re talking about Richard Ramirez?”

“Yeah,” she confirmed as Harry opened the door to another room, only to quickly close it when he realized it was the bathroom. “Maybe this guy did the same.”

“That doesn’t account for the man those girls reported.”

She grew quiet, realizing he had a point. It couldn’t have been completely random, then. 

The next room they ventured into was a boy’s room and it hurt worse because he’d been young. Toys were still strewn across the bright red rug. Neither Harry nor YN said anything or touched anything while they looked around.

But then something caught Harry’s eye.

He wouldn’t really have noticed it in the daylight, he assumed, because he only did now with the shadow cast from the flashlight. But there was a tiny piece of fabric stuck to the window. 

He turned, flashing the light at YN to get her attention, “Come over here,” he whispered.

She joined him quickly and as soon as he put the light back on what he wanted her to see, she spotted it too.

“Might be how he got in.”

She shrugged, taking one step closer and looking out the window. There was a roof below this window, and there hadn’t been in the girl’s room. It was possible.

“Why the boy’s room though if he’d been stalking the girls?”

“Convenience?” Harry guessed.

But then something else came to mind. “When I was skimming the files, they said the boy was found in his parents’ bed. He wasn’t sleeping in here that night.”

Harry nodded, taking a step away from the window and pointing the light between them so he could see her face a bit better. “Makes sense.”

“He had to have been watching them for a few days at least, then, before he broke in. I just don’t understand why he stopped.”

“Maybe he just moved on to a different town. Police aren’t exactly known for communicating well over county lines.”

“And we just barely found out about this case a few months ago when Lenny went digging around. This could have happened somewhere else too and we just don’t know about it.”

“Then maybe we should do our own digging and see if we find anything.” Harry smiled, just glad that she was no longer so disappointed by not finding anything out. “But, first, we should get out of here because, and I’ll deny this if you ever tell anyone, I am actually a bit scared.”

Grinning, she reached down to grab his hand. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone who would believe you over me.”

Before he could argue, there was a sound that seemed to have come from down the hall, in the direction of the master bedroom. A sound that made her jump right into his arms, gripping his biceps as she held Harry as close as she possibly could.

Harry turned slightly, pointing the flashlight at the open doorway, praying nothing darted across the hall when he did. And after a moment, when nothing else happened, he leaned down to her a bit and whispered, “Maybe it was just the wind?”

“I don’t want to stay and find out.”

“Good idea.”

They got the hell out of there then, and although it was in a rush, they still tried to not disturb anything on their way out. And as soon as YN reached the bottom step, she took a very grateful breath of fresh air.

Harry wrapped his arm around her waist, clicked off his flashlight and led them back to the car. “Guess I won’t be telling anyone how you practically latched onto me back there, either, then.”

“I did not—!” She pulled away from his hold, but it was no use when he tugged her close and helped her past the broken gate again and onto the sidewalk.

“Yes, you definitely did.”

She just glared at him up at him while he chuckled. 

“Don’t worry,” she was positive he was mocking the way she’d said those words just five minutes ago, “I like the way you hold onto me when you’re scared… might have to provoke the ghost when we get back…”

Instead of ghost provoking, however, they both just silently went about their nightly routines. Once YN had finished washing her face, Harry barged his way in the bathroom and they fought over the sink as they brushed their teeth. 

Then while she grabbed her pajamas, Harry waited for her on the edge of the bed after plugging his phone into its charger and setting an alarm for the morning. They had to be packed up and out by nine, or else he’d be slapped with a fee, so there was no chance he was going to risk sleeping in.

She joined him after a moment and he never took his eyes off her while she set her pajamas down on top of the dresser and then turned to face him. His eyes fell to her legs as a smile crept onto his lips that made her weak in the knees.

He met her eyes when she crossed the short space between them, and right when she was within reach, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close. Yelping, she fell against his shoulder and smacked him there as she regained her balance and glared down at him.

“Asshole.”

He shrugged, “You like when I’m an asshole.”

She really couldn’t deny that. He seemed to like her when she was being one, too.

His hands slipped to the hem of her dress, then though and she forgot about why she’d called him an asshole in the first place when his fingers glided over her skin as they disappeared underneath her dress.

“Don’t need this on anymore, do you?” He asked, his eyes glued to her body, watching as the hem revealed more and more to him. Parts of her he’d been too busy earlier to really get a good look at.

“No,” she breathed out, goosebumps rising to her flesh when he gathered her dress onto her hips, then her waist, exposing everything from her belly button down to him.

He glanced up at her quickly and then gently tugged her closer, bringing his lips down onto her skin, just above the band of her panties, right where every fluttering, tightening feeling for him gathered.

He inched his mouth lower and his hands drew higher, taking her dress with him as he made feeble attempts at getting it off. It wasn’t until he pulled away that he made it a priority and slid it up over her chest, then her head before he tossed it to the floor in a pile.

Eyes taking all of her in and growing darker the longer he stared, he met her gaze briefly, whispering, “Beautiful,” before he put his mouth right back in that same spot.

This time though, as he kissed his way down, his fingers dug under the bands at her hips, tugging slowly until his mouth caught up and then he pulled all that black lace out of his way. 

She no sooner stepped out of her panties before he grabbed hold of her waist and spun them around, laying her onto the bed and he twisted and made his way up between her legs, kissing up the inside of her thigh as he went, until he made it to the top and she squirmed underneath him.

Glancing up at her, he found her propped up on her elbows, watching him as she took labored breaths. He realized then, though, even if she hadn’t yet, that sitting that way was going to be uncomfortable for her.

So, he lifted himself up and reached over her to grab a pillow from the top of the bed, placing it under her neck so she could relax and still be able to watch if she wanted. It was what he wanted, anyway, for her to watch while he devoured her.

“Better?” He asked.

She just nodded, and before he could adjust himself between her legs again, she reached around behind her, unclasping her bra and removing it all while he watched, practically drooling when he finally saw every last inch of her.

Smiling, he brushed a piece of hair from her face. “Like I said… beautiful.”

Then he went back to business, although he took a bit of a detour from what he had been doing previously as he began his descent down her body at her breasts, taking one hardened nub into his mouth and the other his free hand took care of. Her back arched into him just as her fingers dug into his hair.

But then he continued on, kissing his way down as her hands slipped from the back of his head and instead, gathered bed sheets in her fists while his mouth fell over where she wanted him the most.

He didn’t tease her for much longer as he pulled her apart and dug in, swiping his tongue across the bundle of nerves he’d already grown familiar with. She moaned instantly when he did, and then again as he carried on with his movements making matters worse for himself as the tightening in his jeans became nearly unbearable. He really couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten this worked up over someone as fast as he was, but he really wasn’t going to question it now. Not when she brought her hand back to his hair and pulled.

He moaned against her each time she did, which only made her do it more because the vibration of his lips on her felt like heaven. He went slow, though, not wanting to send her over the edge just yet, not before he’d had a chance to get more than just his mouth on her.

“Normally,” he pulled back to catch his breath and she shuddered at the feeling of that warmth against her too, “I would definitely let you come but… I think this night will end much sooner than either is us want if I don’t get inside you as soon as possible.”

Laughing, she pulled him up until he was at eye level with her and then she kissed him while wrapping her legs around him, pushing his hips against hers until she could feel every last jean-clad length of him right up against her and he was moaning against her mouth this time.

“Guess you weren’t lying.”

“Unfortunately not.” He admitted, this time allowing her hands to undo both the button and zipper of his jeans not even bothering to tug them down his hips, just slipped her way underneath his boxer-briefs and wrapped herself around him.

His eyes fluttered shut as his mouth hung open and she quickly brought her lips back to his while she pulled him out, feeling her way up and down his entire length before guiding him toward her. He let her take control, mostly because he was enjoying watching her with her hand around him. Once she had him lined up, however, he eased his own way inside of her, both of them coming undone at the way the other felt. Her warm and slick and soft. Him hard and thick, stretching her out.

He went slow, for both of their sakes. Mostly hers though while she adjusted to his length until the crease between her brows soothed itself away and she tilted her head back onto the pillow and whispered, “Shit you feel so good, Harry.”

Inflated ego and all, he came down over her and pressed his hips into hers as far as he could go, burying every last inch of himself inside of her as she screamed out when he hit a particularly sensitive spot.

He stayed there for a moment, kissing his way up her jaw until his lips were at her ear. “However good I feel, just know you feel a million times better.”

That completely did her in. He could do literally whatever the fuck he wanted to her then and she’d let him without question. If he wanted to invite the ghost in to watch? Sure, whatever. She was his now.

And since she couldn’t quite think straight while he was saying those types of things in his current position, she just wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and brought his lips down to hers. Letting him know just how much of herself she was giving over to him.

He kissed her harder, deeper, muffling all her moans when he pulled himself out of her and then repeated it all over again until he picked up a pace she seemed to like. If the way she tried to lift off the bed as she dug her nails into his back was any indication.

Until, of course, she got closer and begged him to go harder. Something that would not allow him to last very long at all, but her wish was his command. She dug her heels into the backs of his thighs to get him even closer, to show him what she wanted and he obeyed, giving her everything he had until he was sweating and panting, until the headboard was most definitely banging against the wall behind it.

“I’m—“ was her only warning. Harry didn’t even slow down as both her words and her breath got caught in her throat because she was already coming, he could feel her around his cock while he watched her face, the way her lips parted and her brows furrowed in pleasure. He brought his lips to her cheek and kissed her while he slowed his pace because he was seconds away from unraveling himself.

And when she relaxed, he kissed her lips, halting his movements but staying buried inside her. She brought a hand up to the back of his neck again, letting him into her mouth while she wrapped one leg around his again and pressed her heel in.

“Your turn,” she whispered, pulling away from him only a centimeter or so. They held each other’s gazes while he realized what she was telling him to do. And then without having to be told anything more, he kissed her again and fucked her until he couldn’t hold on any longer.

Pulling out, it didn’t didn’t take much work until he came all over the front of her, moaning and dropping down onto his elbow above her as he worked out every last drop. And once he was finished, he ran his fingers through his mess on her stomach, all the way down to that bunch of nerves where he got her all worked up again.

“Sorry for, uh…” He couldn’t get the rest of the words out when she reached down, grabbed hold of his wrist and took his fingers into her mouth. He watched her for a moment, silently, as she licked them clean. “… the mess,” he finished.

She drew his fingers from her mouth, smiling up at him. “That’s okay, you’re going to be the one to risk running into the ghost to go get me a towel.”  

He’d probably risk just about anything to do what she asked, but he didn’t tell her that. “Will I?”

She narrowed her eyes him. “Yes.”

A smirk slowly crept onto his face as he began backing away from her. “And if I don’t return, what then?”

She shrugged, sitting up as he made his way off the bed, stuffing himself back inside his jeans and doing them up again. “Then I have the bed to myself, I suppose.”

He just looked at her then, silently for a moment, before he took a step back toward the bed and grabbed her ankles, pulling her toward him while she yelped. He ignored that though and brought her to the edge, her legs wrapping around his before he leaned over her, his hands on either side of her head as she laid flat against the mattress.

“We both know you’ll be sad if I don’t come back.”

Swallowing the pit in her throat, she glanced between both of his eyes before then staring at his mouth. Yes, she supposed she’d be extremely sad if he didn’t come back. So, quietly, she admitted, “You’d better hurry up then.”

“That’s what I thought.” He teased, but still stood and took all of his warmth with him as he quickly snuck out the bedroom door, closing it behind him because she was, in fact, still completely naked and they were definitely still convinced of the ghost.

He was back in a few moments, though, towel in hand and she hadn’t moved much but as he approached, she laid back on her elbows, letting him do all the work of cleaning her up.

He’d dampened the towel a bit with warm water that felt incredible as he wiped her skin clean, every inch he’d soiled. Lingering a bit when he brought the towel between her legs as he thought about how many more bad choices they could make in one night.

“We should get some sleep,” she warned and he looked up at her, wiping the towel back up to her stomach. “Gotta be up early, right?”

He nodded as reality sunk in. Folding the towel in half twice, he placed in on the bed beside her and then went to grab her pajamas off the dresser. He helped her into her shorts first, not bothering with her panties, and then grabbed her arms until she was sitting up so he could fit her shirt on over her head.

“Are things still going to be this way when we go back to New York?” He asked as she fit her arms into the sleeves and adjusted the shirt over her body. 

“Why wouldn’t they?”

He shrugged but then smiled when he realized he’d been worrying over nothing. She wanted the same thing he did. 

“Besides…” she perched herself back onto her hands, her eyes wandering over every inch of his upper body until she found his again, “we still have my desk to make useful.”

The next morning went by quickly… after they showered. That, of course, took a while. Took most of the morning, in fact, and they then had to rush to get out the door in time. But it’d been worth it. Having lazy morning sex with her underneath a warm stream of water was better than he’d imagined it be.

They made it out on time though, only by about a few minutes, and got breakfast on the road. On the drive back, they discussed the story and YN got out her laptop to begin writing notes for it. They still had some research to do and files to look over, but they mapped out a basic outline by the time they crossed over into New York.

“I really hope there wasn’t a ghost in that house.” Harry said as they crossed over the bridge into Manhattan.

“Well if there was, they got a pretty good show.”

Harry nodded, agreeing. “Yeah… four of them to be exact.”

“Four?”

“Yeah there was… this other time in the shower. Saturday morning.”

“Why were you even—“ She cut herself off then, realization hitting. Saturday morning is when they’d woken up all… over each other. And he’d been…? Jesus.

He smiled. “I don’t need to answer that, do I?”

“No, I got it.”

“Good. Still want me to fuck you on top of your desk?”

Rolling her eyes, she stared out at the skyline as it came into view. “Even more now.”

[quillsanddaydreams]

teddy bear

fred weasley x reader

—author’s note: I really have no explanation for this except that I saw an old fic of mine and the idea just struck. This is a re-imagined version of 'don't say goodbye' from my main i.e. @with-love-anu Fred had been spending lesser and lesser time with you every day and you couldn't take it anymore.

—warning(s): mentions of food and drinks, break up, angst but it's hurt and comfort, low-key descriptions of anxiety attack. gender neutral!reader (pronouns haven't been used throughout the story) 

—wordcount: 2,190

The fire crackled orange and gold, painting the dark walls. You were sitting right beside the mantle looking at the wall ticking. It was 11:35pm. Fred should’ve been home hours ago.

Tilting your head, you ran your thumb through the sharp edge’s of the photo frame. Friendly— happy faces smiled back at you. It was you and Fred from your 6th year. He had an arm around you, kissing your cheek before winking at the camera. Oh you remembered that day. Vividly. The two of you had just started dating after months of pining. Fred had been an absolute sweetheart. One date led to the next and you didn’t realise you two had spent years together. From graduating from hogwarts, to working your way up on your jobs, moving in together… You were madly in love and nothing else seemed to have mattered.

Everything looked great. Looked. Your parents often told you about ichs. A common rash. Ignore it and it will go away. Scratch it, and it will make your life hell. They never told you however, how long it takes. And you had been shutting your eyes to this one far too long. Fred was never there. Never. Both of you had jobs. Demanding jobs. Yet it seemed Fred was the only one without a moment to spare.

Your morning began with you getting up and ready for your day. Freshening up, making breakfast for the two of you— storing Fred’s with a quick warming spell and a note because you knew you’ll be gone by the time he woke up. Never having the heart to rouse him you simply smiled and pressed a kiss to his forehead, apprating to the ministry. When you came back, he would still be at the shop, working late into the night. Exhaustion caught you, you were unable to keep yourself from falling asleep after 12.

Heaving a sigh, you pushed your head back staring at the ceiling above. The thing was that you missed him. Terribly. You couldn’t even remember the time he held you, let alone ask about your day— it had been months. There had been a hundred times, sitting alone having dinner or seeing his side of the bed empty. Loneliness caught with you reminisened all the times he would pull you over his lap, pressing kisses all over your face. Telling you about the newest invention at his shop. All confrontations with him about the same had ended the same way. With him promising he would try. He never did.

Glancing at the clock again, you felt your body grow hot with anger. It was nearly midnight. You had left him a note to come home early that day. Promotion at work had flashed like the perfect occasion to catch up. Happiness had been bubbling through you all day. Although as time passed, your excitement dulled. The food turned cold and ice in the firewhiskey bucket had melted. Your eyes pricked with tears as you felt your stomach churn. There was a pop as the door opened to reveal a disheveled Fred. He gave you a small smile before moving straight towards the bedroom.

“Fred,” you called out, clearing your throat and wiping away the tears. Did he really not notice? “Did you get my note?”

“Hmm?” he said, shuffling through his drawer. “Oh! Yes I did, sorry but work came up love, couldn’t make it.”

You clenched your jaw.

“Work?” you asked, agitated. “What work keeps you out until midnight Fred?”

His answering sigh infuriated you further.

“You need to change your work schedule, Fred,” you said, crossing your arms. “George comes back to Angelina before 8. I’m sure you can manage before 9. I don't see you Fred. I don't get to talk to you or spend a moment with you. It's like I'm living alone— I spent more time with you before we moved in!”

Fred squeezed his eyes shut, tired.

“I’ll try, I promise,” he said after a minute. “Let’s eat first, shall we?”

“No, Fred. You promise me that every time,” you hissed. “I want you to tell me you’ll be home tomorrow before 9. Like a normal person.”

“What do you want me to do, huh?” Fred snapped. “I thought you would be more supportive of me and my business.”

“Don’t you dare say that,” you threatened. “I’ve been there for you every step of the way. What I am asking you is for you to take out some time for me. I need you to be there for me too!”

“Well excuse me for wanting to earn enough money for our future. For wishing you didn’t have to work to live a happy life.”

“Fred,” you said, your voice a dangerous whisper. “You know exactly how much I love my job. I’ve always been happy working. What has gotten into you? You were always so supportive of me!”

Something crossed Fred’s eye and he took a step back, shaking himself. He took a deep breath.

“Listen,” Fred said calmly. “It’s late now, we can talk about it tomorrow.”

“When, Fred? When? In the morning, when you are asleep or at night which is the time right now?”

Fred remained silent. It felt like you were bursting. All the frustration, sadness and disappointment poured in.

“It hurts, Fred. It hurts and it feels like I’m alone in this. People ask me how we are doing and I don’t know what to tell them. I have no idea what’s going on with the person I live with. I don’t even know where our relationship is goin—”

“You know what?” Fred said, finally losing his cool, throwing his hands in the air. “If you feel so alone, maybe you wouldn’t find a difference if we even separate.”

You gasped.

“I’m going to give you a moment to take that back,” you hushed. Fred crossed his arms. “Think about it before telling me you meant it.”

“Listen, you know I put my work above anything else,” he said, gritting his teeth. “I’ve always wanted to be rich enough so people like Malfoy wouldn’t dare to insult me or my family. That shop. It’s my life. It’s everything that lets me afford the things I never could.”

“So the shop’s more important to you than having me stay?” you said, your throat heavy. Digging your nails into the palm of your hand you searched Fred’s face. The face you had fallen in love with, the one that didn’t quite meet your eyes now which forebode tears. No you couldn’t cry now. Not when he disregarded your job you had been so passionate about, not when his status in life was more important to him. When Fred didn’t say anything, you let out a dry laugh. Shaking your head you moved towards your wardrobe, your head thumping. You took out a couple of your clothes, money and some documents, packing up a bag. Fred stared at you wide eyed as you went for the door.

“What are you doing?” he demanded as you opened the door moving out.

“Well, since you don’t care if we separate and your shop is the only thing you’re living for; it only seems fair that I leave,” you said, furiously rubbing away the tear that fell down your cheek. “Oh and Weasley? I hope you become the wealthiest wizard in the country.”

The last thing you saw was Fred’s shook form before a familiar house came into view. Knocking on your best friend’s door, you wondered whether you should have taken a hotel. It was very late after all. Before you could turn back and leave, Ruhaan opened up. He looked sleepy but his expression changed on seeing you.

“Hey, are you alright? What’s the—”

“Can I stay here tonight?” you blurted. “I’ll crash on the couch... ”

Ruhaan wrapped an arm around your shoulder, leading you in.

“Of course you can,” he said as your throat felt heavy. “You’re always welcome here, what happened?”

“I… we broke up,” you croaked. Admitting things aloud often made things real. Stating your breakup to Ruhaan made you really assess the situation. Blood rushed to your head as you realised you really just left back someone you had loved for six long years. Still did. Your legs wobbled making you lose your balance but Ruhaan held you steady.

“I can’t believe it… I… love him…” you gulped.

“Let me first get you some tea,” he said, rubbing your sides.

-♡♡♡-

Fred was a mess. He fell on the floor with a thump, realising what happened moments ago. You left. The person he had loved all his life had left him. And it was his fault. All those months he had been trying to get the latest product to work. George had given up on it long ago knowing well how dangerous it was to work on. Yet he stood back, working extra hours determined to get it done. It made him lose sight of what was important, you. His heart constricted as he felt like he couldn’t breath. Hot tears fell down his cheeks as he let out a frustrated shout. He had finally lost everything.

For the next few days, Fred worked as an auto pilot. Numbness had caught up to him. He couldn’t bring himself to eat or sleep. Your thoughts plagued him. It was like he was watching your face fall as you moved out over and over again. The apartment felt devoid of spirit— dark and cold. Fred missed you, your smile as he sleepily joined you in bed, pulling you closer; your notes with little doodles telling him to take care… George vaguely knew about what happened, he couldn’t bring himself to talk about it. Visits to your best friend’s place have always gone the same. Ruhaan told him you weren’t there.

Fred wanted— needed you. He loved you. Always did. And he would be damned if he failed to show you. Again. Washing his face, he apparated to Ruhaan’s door again. Biting the inside of his cheek, he waited as a familiar face came into view sighing on spotting him.

“Fred,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I’ve told you…”

“Please,” he said, cutting him off. “Please, I know what I’ve done. Terrible won’t start to describe it. Just give me a chance to talk. I won’t push. I won’t. I am really ashamed of the things I did. At least let me make it right…”

Ruhaan searched his face, mentally debating with himself. Fred was pleading, begging. He would do anything to make this right.

“Alright, don’t screw this up,” Ruhaan said, ushering him in directing him towards your room. “The first door on the right.”

Fred nodded, moving briskly to where he indicated. Heart pounding, he knocked. Your voice came throaty, calling him in. When he saw you, his breath caught up. You looked terrible. Dark circles under red puffy eyes, nestled up in blankets. Noticing him, you sat up straighter.

“I told Ruhaan I didn’t want to see you,” you muttered. Fred moved to sit beside you. You looked away.

“I…” he began, not finding the correct words. “I brought this for you…”

He fished out a small box out of his pocket, handing it to you. It transformed into a teddy bear as the pack touched you, splaying itself over your hand like a rock. You narrowed your eyes at Fred.

“I’ve been working on this in secret for the last six months,” he rasped. “A teddy bear for blue days. The more I worked on it, the stiffer it became. I could not imagine what exactly I was doing wrong. I tried charming it, transforming it, twisting and twerking it around...”

“Fred,” you said, cutting him off. He blinked as streaks of heavy tears fell down his cheek.

“I was so fucking angry and determined to make it work that I couldn’t see anything else than that,” he sobbed. “I’ve said and done things that I couldn’t forgive myself for. I’ve made promises I never followed and I’ve let you go. I… I know that there is no reason for you to even hear me out right now. But I can’t lose you. I can’t… I can’t. I’ll do whatever it takes to have you back but I don’t want to say goodbye to the best thing in my life. Please. You don’t have to excuse me but give me one opportunity to make it up to you.”

You inhaled sharply.

“You’ll come home before 9?” you asked.

“At seven everyday.”

“You’ll spare time for me?”

“Dates every other weekend.”

“You’ll cook everything for the next 3 weeks?” you said as Fred let out a breathy chuckle.

“Only your favourites.”

You looked at his face, wet from crying. Eyes praying for your answer.

“You’ll kiss me right now?” you said as a dull surprise crossed his face. He cradled your face, kissing you softly. You closed your eyes, body relaxing for the first time in days.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, his voice low. You held his hand, squeezing it.

“I know.”

—as for the taglist: I don’t make taglists, I have a blog @from-my-quill ​ which is updated whenever I post fanfiction. You could have the notifications on for it and it will work just like me tagging you.

⟨⟨REBLOGS AND FEEDBACK ARE APPRECIATED⟩⟩

[bi-bi-buckleydiaz]

deep breath, do your job | owen joyner

requested; yes! - Could you do a Owen x reader where the reader is Owens personal assistant while filming JATP and while they are filming the reader starts catching feelings for Owen but Owen is in a relationship. Owen and his girlfriend breakup and the reader comes over to comfort Owen and Owen confesses that the reason him and his girlfriend broke up was because of the reader.

word count; 6.4K ... yeah kinda got away from me there. longest fic i’ve ever written

warnings; language, implied sexual content but no actual sex or description thereof

a/n; lol, so i just wrote from 1AM - 4AM because i’m procrastinating my child dev. project thats due today that’s worth a quarter of my grade. i really didn’t mean for this to be so long so it’s probably not this good and the ending is a lil’ rough, but oh well. hope whoever requested this likes it. i kinda do even though it’s long and only slightly proofread.

“Owen Patrick Joyner! Get your ass into hair and makeup before - oh, um, okay oops. Sorry ‘bout that. Should have knocked. I’ll just - yep, i’ll just go.” 

You thought he’d be sleeping. It’s nap time for him anyway, so he should’ve been sleeping. Instead, your technically boss and definite crush, was on his trailer couch with a girl you’ve never seen before. Kissing her. Without a shirt. Yeah, you definitely need to get out of there. 

You’re quick to close his door and begin to walk back to the hair and makeup trailer to tell them Owen will be a minute. 

“Y/N! Hey! Wait up! It’s um, it’s not, well it is, but -” He grabs your arm, causing you to turn around and face him, which, big mistake. Abort. Abort. Turn around. His post make out face is something you did not want to see. Liar.  

“It’s fine Owen. What you do in your free time is not my, well, actually it is since i’m your PA, I just mean who - WHAT, what you do in your personal time, in your trailer, is not my concern. Just, you’re needed in hair and makeup like, an hour ago. So, yeah, just, get there.” You stumble over half your words and watch his face fall as you near the end of your spiel. When he lets go of your arm you’re quick to turn around and leave him alone, walking right past hair and makeup and to set where you can curl up in your chair and eat your weight in brownies, if Madi hasn’t taken them all that is. You hope he goes to get his hair done. You know you should walk with him there because if you’re not practically dragging him to where he needs to go he never gets there on time, as just witnessed. But it’s usually because he’s goofing off with Charlie, not sucking face with a random girl. 

You don’t notice the brownie in your hand has crumbled until a whistle comes from behind you. You turn around a little too quickly, sending the brownie bits flying to the floor. 

“Shit.” You kneel down to begin picking it up, another hand coming into help. Charlie, based on the rings adorning the fingers. 

“Is Owen’s keeper okay?” You huff a laugh at the name the cast gave you a week into filming. You’re the only one who has managed to keep Owen in line since filming started, the only reason he’s ever on time for anything or actually has real food in the apartment or has his drumsticks when needed, etc. etc. 

The boys didn’t want PA’s when Kenny proposed it during bootcamp, they were young adults, they didn't want to boss someone around, it felt wrong. But having more experience than the boys, Kenny vetoed how they felt and told them PA’s would help tremendously, especially on a project like this. That’s where you came in. You were trying to get into the directing and producing scene in Hollywood, you’re dream to be as good a director as Steven Spielberg or, well, Kenny Ortega. But you knew you had to start small, so you applied for a PA job on an upcoming Netflix show, getting hired within the week. Now here you are, a nineteen year old being in charge of another nineteen year old who acts more like he’s five. 

In the beginning, it was purely professional. You were nothing more than his PA who got him from place A to place B in a timely fashion. But then he started to rope you into pranks with the rest of the band. He started inviting you to movie nights, and adventures to the grocery store, and ice skating with Charlie and Madi, and somewhere between helping him keep his life in order and watching him fall on his ass at the ice rink, you fell for the blonde. You know it’s a mistake, falling for him. You work for him. He’s your friend. That’s all he sees you as, but you couldn’t help it. But you’re good at compartmentalizing, so you took all the inappropriate feelings, shoved them in a box, locked the box, and hid it deep in your unconscious. You were doing well with ignoring the box, until you walked in on Owen kissing someone that wasn’t you. 

“I’m fine Charlie, just, stressed. Owen was an hour late to hair and makeup so I kinda feel like a shit PA right now.” Charlie chuckles and hugs you as you both stand up. 

“Please Y/N, you’re the best PA. If it weren’t for you, Owen would never know where anything is, including his head.” You laugh into his shoulder, reveling in the hug for a few more seconds. When you part, you see a flash of blonde enter the set and sigh in relief. He made it. He’s ready. You’re not fired today. 

Just incredibly confused and upset. 

But not fired.

“You better go, I know you’re in this scene with Owen.” Charlie nods and squeezes your shoulder once before running after Owen onto the set that holds Julie’s shed. Taking a deep breath, you try to push whatever the hell you saw ten minutes ago into your box, and get ready for the day ahead. 

Four hours, six brownies, and two cookies later, Owen is officially wrapped for the day, meaning you can go home and continue to eat your feelings in ice cream. You’re quick to grab your binder full of Owen’s schedules to drop tomorrow’s off at his trailer before he sees you. You’re not really in the mood to talk to him about what happened earlier, so you fast walk to his trailer, fully intent on just leaving the paper on his counter where he’ll see it, but a brown haired, green eyed girl throws that plan right out the window. 

You’re so stupid. You should’ve known she would still be here. Waiting. 

“Oh, um, hi.” She says. She sounds nice. She looks nice. But when you look at her all you can see is her hands in Owen’s hair and his lips on hers. 

“Hi.” You don’t know how, but you managed to put on a smile and put a little pep into your voice. “I’m Ashley. I’m waiting for Owen. Is he done?” You nod, not trusting your voice as you stand awkwardly in the doorway, one foot on the step the other in the trailer, hand outstretched ready to place the schedule on the table. 

“He just wrapped for the day. Should be here in a few.” The girl - Ashley - nods. 

“You’re Y/N, right? His personal assistant?” How does she know that. She giggles, “He talks about you all the time. Says the only reason he’s not fired or dead in a ditch is because of you.” OH, you said that aloud. Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoo-

“Y/N! What are ya doing just standing in the doorway?” Fuck. You put a smile on and turn around. He’s smiling softly at you, still in Alex’s clothes, twirling those damn drumsticks around his fingers. 

“Um, just dropping tomorrow’s schedule off. Here. Okay...bye.” You walk down the steps, letting the door shut behind you, fully intent on leaving, but Owen grabs your arm again, just like earlier, causing you to stop and turn to look at him. 

“Wait. Can we talk real quick. About...earlier?” No. No absolutely not. 

“Um, I really have to go. I have a lot to do tonight for tomorrow.” Owen sighs and lets go of your arm, face contorting into that of a sad puppy. 

“Just, one minute Y/N. Please. Let me explain.” Screw him and his perfect freaking face. 

“A minute.” His face lights up and grabs your hand, leading you back into his trailer, smiling even wider at seeing Ashley sitting pretty on the couch. 

“Y/N, this is Ashley, my girlfriend.” Ashley smiles and waves, standing up to stand by Owen and grab his hand. A rock settles in your chest at the word. 

Girlfriend. 

Girlfriend. 

Girlfriend. 

“Nice. I’m Y/N. But you knew that. Just like you also know I’m in charge of getting him to places on time. Which didn't happen today.” Owen’s face flushes at that while Ashley terribly hides a smirk behind her hand. 

“Uh, yeah, sorry about that Y/N. She surprised me today. We weren’t supposed to see each other until Thanksgiving but she finished classes early and flew out to surprise me. Kinda got, caught up in -” His face is beat red so you’re quick to cut him off. 

“It’s fine. Just, try not to get ‘caught up’ tomorrow, yeah?” It’s harsh and full of hostility, but you want to leave, the word still bouncing around in your head, swirling around the scene you walked into earlier. 

Girlfriend. 

Kissing. 

Girlfriend. 

Flushed face. 

Girlfriend. 

Kissing. 

“I have to go. See you tomorrow on set at 5 Am. Got it? Five A M. Don’t make me break into your apartment again. I almost got arrested for that.” Owen is still reeling from your harsh words said a second ago to laugh at the memory. Ashley however, has no qualms about speaking up. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure he’s here on time.” She smiles and wraps around his arm like a koala. You hold back a scoff, throwing up a fake smile before turning and leaving. 

Girlfriend. 

Girlfriend. 

Girlfriend. 

It’s almost midnight.

It’s 11:48 PM and someone is knocking on your door. 

Who the fuck is pounding on your door at near midnight. 

You shuffle to the door wrapped up in your comforter, wiping the sleep out of your eyes. You don’t bother looking through the peephole, too angry at the person behind the door to bother, just wanting to yell at them and get back to bed. 

“What the - Charlie?” He looks exhausted, hair ruffled and eyes puffy. He’s in joggers, a random band tee and his denim jacket. You’re pretty sure his shoes are on the wrong feet. 

“Can I stay the night?” He doesn’t wait for your response before walking into your apartment, flinging his shoes and jacket off and walking to your room. You sigh, ignoring the way he just threw his stuff around and instead follow him to your room before he takes your side of the bed. You walk in just as he chucks his shirt off and woah. You were so not expecting that. An explanation as to why he’s here at midnight? Yeah. Him taking your side of the bed? Definitely. But not Charlie taking his shirt off and crawling onto the right side of the bed and curling around a pillow. You take a moment to collect yourself and your thoughts before crawling into bed next to him, making sure to drape the comforter over him as well. He hums in content and turns around to face you. 

“Sorry for barging in like this. Just, ugh, Owen and that girl are not quiet if you catch my drift.” And it’s like the rock in your heart is now a boulder and it’s crushing your ribcage. You can’t breathe. You can’t think. You’re frozen, staring at Charlie’s half asleep face. “Like I get it, you’ve missed each other. But c’mon bro I’m there too.” He keeps talking. Keeps pushing the boulder until all the ribs crack and puncture your lungs. “There’s somethings in this world I never wanted to hear, and Owen moaning was one of them.” He won’t shut up. Charlie shut up. You’re entire chest is fracturing, breaking at his words and he needs to shut. up.

“I didn’t really know where else to go, but I remembered how comfy your bed was last movie night so, here I am.” His voice is raspy, words slurring as he’s trying to fight sleep to explain to you why he’s here. But you can’t focus on him right now. Can’t think about a shirtless Charlie in your bed. There’s only one thing you can think about right now. 

Girlfriend. 

Shirtless. 

Girlfriend. 

Kissing. 

Girlfriend. 

“Thanks for letting me crash by the way. I’ll try not to kick you in my sleep.” He chuckles, then finally opens his eyes when you don’t laugh back. You don’t know how you look right now. You know you’re frozen. But is the panic and pure sadness showing on your face? It must be, because suddenly Charlie is wide awake and leaning up on his elbow to look at you fully. “Y/N are you okay?” He’s worried. You want to tell him you’re okay. It’s fine. Everything is fine. But you can’t move. You can’t talk. Because reality is crushing you. It’s ripping up your heart, suffocating you, consuming your mind. 

Owen isn’t yours. 

Owen will never be yours. 

You’re just a friend. 

You’re just his PA. 

That’s when the tears finally start. They come slowly, one trailing down your cheek, then another. Then all at once your sobbing into Charlie’s chest, no doubt getting snot all over him. But he doesn’t seem to care. He just starts to hum some random song while he repeatedly runs his hand over your hair, the other holding you close to him. He keeps humming, his chest vibrating and giving you something to focus on that isn’t your depressing thoughts. It’s almost soothing, the petting and the hug and the humming. 

You don’t know how long you sob into him, but when you stop, his humming stops too. He still holds you close, just lets go of your head so you can lean back a little and look up at him. He’s brows furrow in concern and he pouts at your post-crying face. 

“Are you okay? Am I really that bad of company?” He tries for funny but you can’t bring yourself to laugh with him. Just pout and push his semi-wet chest. “Seriously Y/N, i’ve never seen you like this. What’s wrong?” Those two words. 

What’s wrong?

What’s wrong? I fell for my boss and now he’s doing it with some girl and I can’t stop thinking about them and it’s killing me because before I could live with being his friend and PA because at least there was some sliver of a chance but now there’s nothing because he has someone and I have no one and I can’t breathe because oh my god I love him. I love that stupid fool and i’m nothing but his personal assistant. 

It’s quiet for a minute, too quiet, and that’s when you realize you said all that out loud. You look up at Charlie, which was a mistake because his face is full of pity. It’s all sad puppy eyes and “Shit Y/N i’m so sorry.” A fresh wave of tears make their way out of your eyes, but Charlie is quick to wipe them away. 

“Y/N I didn’t know I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t have said all of that, God I was so stupid.” And then it’s like a whole new flood gate opens, this one full of laughter though. You start with a chuckle, but soon it’s full out belly laughing. Because Charlie isn’t the stupid one here. “I’m the stupid one. I mean, how idiotic does a PA have to be to fall for the one they’re in charge of? Never mix work with pleasure. It’s PA-ing 101, don’t fall for your boss. I’m so fucking stupid to ever fall for him or think he’d like me back because i’m just his stupid PA who has no talent what so ever, never has a good hair day, can’t go a day without eating their weight in sugar, and will never see him again after filming is wrapped.” Your laughing dies down by the end, and then ends completely when you see the look on Charlie’s face. It’s not exactly pity, but it’s not exactly sadness either. It’s hard to describe what exactly it is, but it’s not good. 

“Y/N. Babes. I don’t ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that again, okay? I swear to God next time I hear anything like that come out of your mouth again, I’m hitting you with a pillow.” You giggle, but he stays serious. “Dead ass Y/N. Listen, was it probably not the smartest to fall for Owen? Yeah. But you didn’t know he had someone. I didn’t even know he had a girl and I’m his roommate. But, we can’t help who we like. It’s all brain chemistry and heart palpitations and whatever else. It’s something we can’t control. So don’t say you’re stupid because of something you can’t control.” 

“You’re being really smart and caring for twelve am.” You both chuckle, a real smile gracing your face for once in the past twelve hours. 

“I’m sorry for the breakdown it’s just, there’s a lot in my head right now and what you said really didn’t help.” Charlie sighs and pulls you in close. 

“I’m sorry babes. You should’ve slapped me or something.” 

“I probably would’ve had the breakdown at some point tonight anyway.” Charlie pulls back a bit to look at you, confusion on his face. “I kinda walked in on them making out earlier when Owen was late to hair and makeup.” 

“Is that why you crushed that brownie earlier?” You sigh and nod. 

“Y/N, i’m sorry. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.” 

“It’s fine Charlie. It’s, well, it’s not but, I’ll get over it. I’m a big girl. Besides, I have you to get my tears and snot all over right?” He groans while you giggle, but he isn’t really mad if the way he pulls you close and rests his face in your hair is any indication. 

“Always babes.” 

The next day you drive to set with Charlie who didn’t have to be on set at five like Owen, but joined you nonetheless. Taking his duty as your new ‘heartguard’ as he called it last night, you walk to hair and makeup with his arm around your shoulders. It’s comforting, even though he’s putting most of his weight on you because he’s exhausted, the coffee you gave him this morning clearly doing nothing to wake up. 

“Charlie, you could’ve stayed in bed until you were actually needed.” You laugh as he trips up the steps to the trailer, nearly face planting if it weren’t for you wrapping your arms around his waist last minute. 

“Char you good?” You hear BooBoo ask. Charlie grumbles something incoherent and shoves his face into your neck as you lean against the arm of the couch. BooBoo laughs, so do you, but quickly sober up when Owen walks in, Ashley on his arm. Charlie must have ESP or something because, without looking up at who walked in, he wraps his arms around your waist and murmurs in your ear, “Deep breaths. I’m here.” You do as he says, shooting Owen a friendly smile, but dropping it as he frowns at you. 

What is that about? 

“Glad to see you on time Owen. I wouldn’t have been able to break in this morning anyway because an octopus decided to break into my own apartment last night.” You ruffle Charlie’s hair as you say that and he grumbles some more, playfully biting your neck as well. “Ow. Asshole.” Owen frowns even deeper at that, while BooBoo chuckles. He get’s scolded a second later for moving. 

“So that’s where you disappeared to last night. I was wondering why you weren’t home this morning.” Owen’s voice is tight while he says it, Ashley noticing as well if the tightened grip on his arm is anything to go by. Charlie squeezes your waist as a way to say, ‘prepare yourself’ before he moves his head to lean against your shoulder so he can talk. 

“Yeah well, I wouldn’t have had to if you and your girl weren’t so freaking loud.” You tense up, mind starting to reel again, but a squeeze to your waist and a warm breath on your neck manages to bring you back. The trailer goes quiet, even the hair and makeup ladies tensing up and sensing the tension. Charlie, ever the wrong place, wrong time type of guy, grabs your hand and places it on his hair, then moves it back and forth. 

“Pet me.” Despite the tension in the room, you can’t help but giggle at the stupid Canadian boy wrapped around you. Apparently that’s all the rest of the people in the trailer needed to go back to what they were doing. That or they just didn’t want to get involved in young adult drama. You shoot a look at Owen, his jaw tense and hands clenched into fists. Completely ignoring the way Ashley leans up to kiss Owen’s neck, you open your phone and begin to read off his schedule for the day, your left hand still running through Charlie’s hair. 

“Hair and makeup at five AM, sit your butt down and let Shelly do her thing, costume fitting right after. First scene at six-thirty with BooBoo, you guys are doing the scene at the Orpheum where you talk about what’s been going on, you’re going to be sad so this whole frowny face you got going on? Keep it. A break after that then rehearsal with Charlie, Jer, and Mads for Stand Tall. Fitting for the Stand Tall suit is after that, but no actual filming for that scene yet, just getting the measures right so after that, you’re done for the day.” You take a deep breath after all that, BooBoo whistling at you from his seat. 

“You could be an auctioneer with how fast you talk.” You smile and bow your head at him.

“I’ll take that as a compliment Boo.” He shoots you a smile and then raises his hand to high five Owen as he sits next to him. Owen ignores him. In fact, he stays silent throughout all of getting his hair and makeup done. Only smiling occasionally when Ashley shows him a meme on her phone. You watch them, the boulder in your chest rolling around as you do so. But not for jealousy, no, for concern. Owen is acting very unlike himself. You may be upset right now, especially with him, but it doesn’t mean you still don’t see him as a friend; still don’t worry about him. Something is wrong, and you can’t help but feel like it’s your fault. 

“So did it work?” You jump in surprise at the voice behind you, the cookie in your hand crumbling and falling onto the table. 

“Charlie! What did I say about sneaking up on me?” You turn to look at the boy who is smiling too wide at you for you to think this is about to be a completely innocent conversation. 

“Did it work?” He’s practically vibrating where he stands.

“Did what work?” 

“The cuddling this morning? Didn’t you see Owen? He was totally jealous.” And - what? That’s why he was so touchy this morning? 

“I just thought you were tired, that was - you were trying to make Owen jealous? Charlie what the hell? He has a girlfriend!” Charlie rolls his eyes and loops his arm around yours, dragging you away from the cookies and towards the costume room. 

“Yeah, but we both know she shouldn’t be. And the way he was acting this morning? I think he’s starting to realize that too.” There’s no way...right? No, the way Charlie described last night...no. 

“No, okay, he was probably just tired and angry about having to be here so early.” Yeah, that’s it. He was not jealous of the friendly cuddling you and Charlie were doing. Totally...not. Holy shit. You hear Charlie giggling in your ear as you enter costume. 

There, in front of you, is a very shirtless, very toned, very pretty Owen Joyner.

“You’re welcome.” Then Charlie is off to God knows where. Leaving you alone with Owen. Well, not really alone since Soyon is here too, running around looking for different fabrics and textures to throw on Owen. A still very shirtless Owen. 

“Oh, hi Y/N. What are you doing here?” Owen asks, looking at you though the floor length mirror in front of him. He’s not smiling at you, but he’s not frowning either, so improvement from this morning. 

“Oh, um, just making sure you got here on time. And look at that. You did! Good job.” You clap, who knows why, but it makes Owen laugh, which, whew, okay. 

“Yeah, I reminded him.” A voice behind you says. You turn and look at Ashley walking in, coffee cup in hand. She bounces up to Owen, ignoring Soyon and placing a big, wet kiss onto his lips before moving to the couch off to the side. Owen seems shocked by the PDA, which makes sense, you know he’s not big on that, remembering one late night conversation you both had a few weeks ago. 

“Anyway, Y/N, how does this one looks. I think the ruffles are nice. And then when he’s performing Stand Tall we can,” and then she begins to unbutton the shirt all the way down to mid chest and okay, seriously Soyon, now you just want to torture me. 

“I like this.” Owen says, twirling in the mirror like a ballerina. This causes the shirt to fling open more, showing his chest more in the process.

Deep breaths. 

Be a friend. 

You’re a big girl. 

“Yeah. It’s good,” you say, walking over to him to tuck to the sides back together somewhat. “Are you going to keep with the pink theme for the jacket?” Soyon smiles and nods, walking away for a minute leaving you alone with Owen and Ashley. 

“Should it really be unbuttoned that much? I mean, it is a kids show? I don’t want to share my boy with fangirls.” Ashley says. You can’t stop your eyes from rolling or the scoff that leaves your mouth. You watch Owen’s Adam's apple bob as he gulps. 

“Please, Charlie is sleeveless for a majority of the show. Owen showing a little chest isn’t gonna hurt anyone. Besides, Soyon chose good. The way the shirt fits and settles it’s never going to open all the way. Unless, ya know, he twirls like some Carolynn Rowland wannabe.” You smile up at Owen and inhale sharply when you see he’s already looking down at you. “And with the jacket on it’ll stay put pretty well.” You’re still holding the shirt in your hands, looking at Owen’s face as you talk. For a second, it’s just you and him, looking at each other, smiling. Then Soyon comes back and clears her throat. The trance breaks and you back up. You wipe your sweaty hands on your jeans before backing up and standing next to the mirror. You feel eyes on you and look over to see Ashely glaring at you. 

“Here we go. One pink jacket to match.” Owen slides it on and smiles wide. You have to say, it looks good. Professionally speaking of course. 

“Soyon, have I ever said how freaking amazing you are. I mean, this is really good looking. Very Alex.” Owen praises. He’s smiling and it’s a nice sight after this mornings debacle. 

“Alex is going to be the best looking one on that stage.” Owen looks over at you, his smile still there, and the boulder shrinks three sizes. 

“Still think the shirt should be buttoned.” Ashley mutters. But everyone ignores her, even Owen, who does another twirl in front of the mirror. 

“Well then, you’re all set Owen. Go ahead and change and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Soyon leaves, going off to do costume designer things, leaving you alone with Owen and Ashley again. Owen takes the jacket off, then looks around not knowing what to do with it. You sigh and smile softly, taking it from him.

“Here, just give me all the clothes and i’ll take them back to your rack.” He smiles thankfully at you, before frowning again and looking down at his outfit. Getting what he’s thinking, you chuckle and cross your arms. “Bub I just saw you shirtless it’s not a big deal. Now c’mon, give me the clothes before Soyon thinks you’re stealing them.” Owen looks up at you in a way you’ve never seen him look at you before. It makes you take a sharp breath in.

“Maybe you should go. I can give the clothes to Soyon. Don’t you have assistant duties to do?” Ashley is right next to you as she says it. It makes your ears hurt and hands clench. You’re quick to unclench though, not wanting to wrinkle the nice pink jacket. Ashley moves forward to unbutton Owen’s shirt all the way, but he grabs her hand before she can begin. 

“Actually I need Y/N to stay. I have to talk to her about some, ya know, assistant stuff. And besides, she knows where Alex’s rack is and that’s where the clothes have to go. Why don’t you go wait for me in the trailer, I’ll be there in a few.” 

I need Y/N to stay. 

That shouldn’t make you feel as warm and tingly as it does. 

Ashley scoffs and looks away, clearly trying to guilt trip him. Owen sighs and kisses her cheek.  

“Trailer. Ten minutes.” Ashley sighs before nodding and finally leaving. He watches her go, then turns back to you when she finally disappears. You clear your throat and he looks back at you, face a bit red. 

“Um, hey.” You chuckle. 

“Hi.” He nods, and you sigh, walking so you’re right in front of him. “Seriously, O, you need to get this off because if they’re not on the rack for Soyon to fix up by the end of the day it’s my head on a stick, not yours.” Then you’re unbuttoning his shirt. 

You’re unbuttoning. His shirt. You don’t realize you’re doing it until you hand grazes his navel when you untuck it from his pants. You hear him suck in a breath and you immediately take two steps back. 

“Sorry, um. Sorry that was not, um, -” 

“It’s okay. You were just, doing your job. Making sure I get stuff done on time, right?” But his voice is wobbly as he says it and his face is as red as a tomato. You couldn’t have made him that flushed, not you? 

“Right. Yeah. Um, so, pants?” Owen looks at you with wide eyes. “I need to take the pants back too.” It’s quiet, but you know he heard you because he nods his head and begins to unbutton them. You suddenly feel very hot, very suffocated. You should’ve left when you had the chance, just let Ashley do this. You shouldn’t be here, watching as he pulls the velvet pants down his legs. Watching as he steps out of them and - oh God he’s falling. You grab his hand to help him but it’s too late, you both tumble to the ground. You’re on top of him, smushed up against his bare chest, faces centimeters apart, sharing breaths. 

“Sorry.” You mumble. You watch him gulp and look down. Down at wha - oh. 

“It’s, it’s okay. I’m the one that fell and pulled you down.” You nod, causing your nose to brush against his. You’re close, so freaking close that if you were to move not even a full centimeter, your lips would touch.

So. 

Close. 

“What. The. Hell!” SHit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

You’re quick to scramble away from Owen, butt scooting across the floor to get as far away from him as possible. Owen jumps up, kicking the pants away then realizing that was probably not a smart idea because now he’s half naked in between Ashley and you.  

“Ash I -” 

“You were taking forever, wanted to know why. Thought you said there was nothing between you two?” She’s practically screeching. You know within minutes there will be a crowd. A crowd Owen will not want, his anxiety will not want. Ignoring his stuttering and the conversation in general, you push away the heat in your belly and the tingling in your spine and take a deep breath. 

Deep breath. 

Be a friend. Do your job.

You grab Owen’s clothes and put them in his hands, ignoring his speaking and Ashley ranting, you grab his hand and then hers, and shove them towards the back exit. 

“This is a trailer conversation, not a wardrobe fitting conversation. Leave, now.” 

“No, I have a lot to say -” 

“Listen to me, I’m trying to do my job and not get Owen in trouble. If you really care about him, you’ll take this conversation to his trailer. Now.” Then you shove them out the door before Ashley could screech some more. 

Deep breath. 

Do your job. 

You go back to the fitting area, only to see Charlie, Jer, and Madi standing there, looking confused. 

Deep breath.

Do your job.

“Hey guys. Owen just left. He and Ashley are having a date night.” Charlie gives you a look, but Jer and Madi nod, going to accept it, but Charlie has to open his big dumb Canadian mouth. 

“Why’d we hear screaming then?” Charlie questions. Jer and Madi look at each other, then back at you. 

“Oh, uh, mouse. I saw a mouse. Yep. Mouse. Anyway, I have to get this clothes hung up before they wrinkle, so excuse me.” 

Deep breath. 

Do your job.

You walk around the trio, gathering the suit and shaking everything out as you walk over to the Alex rack to hang them up. You hear the door to the room open and two sets of feet walking out. 

“Charlie, everything is fine okay? Just a little misunderstanding.” 

“Like?” You sigh and turn around from finishing hanging up the clothes. 

“Like...Owen kinda fell and when I went to help him I feel too...on top of him.” There’s silence then, 

“OH MY GOD! Y/N THAT’S LIKE FANFIC SHIT THAT WAS THE MOMENT! DID YOU KISS OH MY GOD TELL ME EVERYTHING!” He’s jumping up and down as he makes his way to you. 

“Ashley walked in.” All excitement stops.

“Oh shit.” You nod, walking past him to settle on the couch, pulling a pillow to your chest. 

“Yeah. And she started screeching and I knew Owen wouldn’t like to attention so I shoved them out the back door to his trailer.” Charlie’s arm goes around you, pulling you close. He goes to say something, but your phone ringing indicating a text from Owen stops him. You pull it out, opening it as Charlie watches over your shoulder. 

My trailer plz. 

Charlie starts shaking your shoulders, smiling like a maniac. “This is your chance Y/N go go GO!” you shake your head at Charlie’s antics, but leave nonetheless. 

Anxiety creeps up on you as you get closer and closer to his trailers, not knowing what you’re going to walk into. Him firing you? Saying you can’t be friends anymore? Ashley ready to claw your face off? 

Deep breath.

Be a friend.

You knock on his door. It opens a second later to a frantic looking Owen. Now you're anxious about him. Why does he look upset? Is he okay? He grabs your hand and pulls you into his, oh, empty trailer. Ashley is nowhere to be seen. 

“Hey, thanks for coming.” You nod, still looking around expecting her to jump out and slap you. “Um, sit. Sit, I have to talk to you about something.” You go to sit on the couch, but then remember what occurred there yesterday and instead lean against the counter. He notices but doesn’t say anything. 

“Yeah okay. What’s up?” You try to act nonchalant, but the anxiety is too high for that. ‘I have to talk to you about something’ never ends well. He walks over and sits on the bed pats the spot next to him. God, this can’t be a good conversation if he really wants you to sit. 

“Ashley and I were never...on here.” He mumbles. You walk over and sit next to him, blushing that he caught on to why you didn’t sit on the couch. 

“Must be serious if you need me to sit.” Owen takes a deep breath, another, another, and then there’s lips on your. They’re soft and nice and taste like carmex chapstick. 

“Mhm, Owen, what, what are you doing?” Your faces are still close together, both of you not wanting to back away yet. 

“I’m gonna talk. Okay I’m gonna talk and I want you to listen and not crawl inside your head too soon okay?” You nod, knowing in this moment you’d do anything to keep him this close. 

“I knew Ashley from high school. She started texting me a few weeks back and one thing led to another and she was calling me her boyfriend. I didn’t want it but it happened and I let it because it got my mind off a girl I shouldn’t like because it would ruin so many things. I didn’t know she was coming to visit and when she knocked on my trailer she jumped me and just kept going. And I just went along with everything yesterday because I’m supposed to be her boyfriend and I’m supposed to think about those things with her and I’m supposed to want those things with her, but I don’t Y/N. I don’t want those things with her I never did. I, I want them with you. I’ve wanted them with you from the moment you finally stopped being shy around me and dragged me from crafts by my ear to hair and makeup. You’re so amazing Y/N and I thought if I did anything I’d ruin this and ruin your career and I didn’t want that. I never wanted that so I went along with Ashley but I shouldn’t have because the whole time I was thinking about you. It’s always been -” You kiss him. You grab him by the cheeks and kiss him. It’s a passionate kiss, an ‘about time’ kiss, an ‘i’m never letting you go’ kiss. 

You only break away when you can’t breathe, and even then you only pull away enough to breath in each other’s air. 

“She left. She’s gone. She knew I was never 100% in.” You nod, but you’re not really listening. You can’t hear anything other than your heartbeat. 

He likes you. 

Owen likes you.

Owen kissed you. 

“It’s always been you, Y/N.” You smile. It’s a big one that you have to hamper down by biting your lip. Owen smiles back, then you’re kissing again. 

And again. 

And again.

[manonblaqkbeak]

Lock-down Kisses

i wasnt almost gonna do day 11 but i got inspired late last night.

im also so glad that you guys liked my fic yesterday, it has been a bit of a stressful week for me so it makes me happy when you guys like my fics! it really means a lot so thank u! :)

cw: none. just some usual fluff lol

1.4k words

enjoy!

Aelin was so damned bored. She was sure she'd never been this bored in all her life.

She had to tell herself constantly that she was lucky, that she had a roof over her head, food in the fridge and pantry and that she was healthy and walking around, that she still had her job, no matter how rocky it currently was, she was still lucky.

It still didn't change the fact that being in lock-down rutting sucked.

It had been a month since the hard lock-down started and she had been stuck at home—her beautiful, sturdy home that she was damned privileged to have—somewhere in-between the mood of wanting to do something but not having the energy to actually do it.

She had already vacuumed and put the clean dishes away and the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. She had done a fresh load of laundry and put it outside to dry. With nothing left other than mopping (which she hated because no matter how hard she cleaned the tiles beforehand, there was always little pieces of debris that showed up and annoyed her to no end), she couldn't really think of any other house-chores for her to do to keep her preoccupied.

She mowed yesterday, and had racked up the leaves and grass too, plopping them in the garden bin. She watered the garden and refilled the bird-bath, as well.

There were plenty of books to read and listen to, but Aelin just wasn't in the mood for that, which surprised Rowan when she said that yesterday when she complained for the umpteenth time that she was slowly going insane—Aelin was always in the mood to read, but now...maybe it was because the people in those books were having adventures while she was stuck inside.

Right now, she was lying on the couch, staring at her plain as dust ceiling, wondering if it would break protocol if she could pay her neighbour Feyre to paint something enticing.

It probably would be, but she needed something pretty to stare at if she wasn't reading or watching television.

Again, she was grateful, because she had books to read and television to watch, but Aelin always liked to be doing something, being outside and running errands and working.

She was a teacher at Orynth dance and music studio, and due to the lock-down, she was unable to teach dance, but thankfully, she was still able to conduct piano, guitar and violin lessons over Zoom, even if it wasn't really the same and her laptops speaker made the music sound a little dingy, but she didn't have any lessons this week, but would next week, so at least she had something to look forward to.

To pass the time, she had resorted to snooping, watching people mill about in the street from the safety of her enclosed verandah and telling Rowan of the details that she observed when he had a moment of free time.

Which was practically non-existent, thanks to being a teacher and having to deal with stressed out senior students who constantly needed to be reassured that everything was going to be okay.

Not that Aelin could blame them for their stress, she felt so damned sorry for those kids, hyperventilating because they couldn't concentrate at home because they had to share the office with others and how terrified they were of flunking and just about everything else that caused them stress. But Rowan was there, reassuring them that everything would be okay and that as a team, they would tackle everything one day at a time.

Which was why when Aelin went to give Rowan a fresh cup of coffee earlier she was surprised to see that her husband was not in the study and that the room was empty. His laptop and papers were all set up for another day of virtual learning, but her husband could not be found, and she had gone throughout their entire house looking for him and did not find him. And it wasn't like he was hard to spot, he was over six feet tall, tanned and had silver rutting hair, but he was nowhere.

When she had gone back to the kitchen to add sugar and cream to his coffee that was now hers, she noticed that his joggers were gone by the front door, which made her frown because he hadn't mentioned going for a walk—not like he had to tell her everything she did, but she wouldn't have minded joining him—and came to the decision that maybe he just needed to clear his head before another stressful day was upon him.

At least it was Friday, not that that really meant anything when one was a teacher.

Aelin glanced around her living room, she had rearranged it two Saturdays ago with Rowan's help and maybe wondered if she could re-arrange it again, but decided that would just be ridiculous.

Maybe yoga would be a good idea, she didn't mind it and it at least gave her mind something else to focus about other than viruses and death and all other manners of unpleasantness.

So deciding that yoga was the best thing to prevent her from going to the roof and swapping out the tiles, Aelin got dressed, grabbed her things and went outside.

X X X X X X

Two hours later and Aelin was still outside. However, she gave up on yoga an hour ago, finding the energy to listen to a deliciously smutty audio-book. She was watching the clouds, but her mind was imaging that what was happening between the two lovers was her and Rowan (something that happened often when it came to these stories) and was about one paragraph from either shoving her hand down her pants or calling Rowan and asking him when the hell he was coming home so that they could recreate the scene when the front door opened.

Aelin jumped up and went back inside, barely remembering to turn off the audio-book and have her way with Rowan on the floor when she stopped dead at the sight of him.

Because in his hands hand was a leash, that was attached to a dog. A yellow lab, to be exact. The dog looked to be about six months old and was the cutest thing she'd ever seen.

“Rowan, why do you have a dog?”

“She's ours,” he said, like it was the most normal thing in the world. “I was supposed to pick her up from the shelter over a month ago, but she got sick, so I was told to wait until she recovered. She's okay now, perfectly healthy, so I finally got the call the other day that she was ready to be picked up. She's caught up on all the necessary vaccines, and is well trained. I was meant to be here earlier, but Fleetfoot here wanted to go swimming in a mud puddle, so I had to take her to a dog spa on the other side of town.”

Aelin nodded, her eyes still glued on the pup. Her eyes were a pretty golden-brown colour and while she was young, Aelin could tell that she was smart.

“You got us a puppy?” Aelin managed to ask.

“Yeah. I know you've been wanting one for a long time, and when I saw her pop up on my Facebook wall, I knew she was the one for us. Do you like her?” he asked and Aelin could have sworn that her burly husband sounded shy. Nervous.

“I love her,” Aelin admitted truthfully and finally went over to their dog, who immediately starting sniffing at Aelin's outstretched hand when she crouched down in front of her. And was soon being supplied with kisses, all over her hand, her face and neck. Aelin laughed and Rowan smiled, knowing that he had made the right decision.

Rowan was about to sit down himself when Aelin tugged at his hand, bringing him down on top of her and kissed him with every bit of love she felt for him.

It didn't take long for Fleetfoot to join them, licking at Rowan while she yipped for their attention. They broke apart and spent the rest of the day getting to know the new addition of their family.

Lock-down sucked, but Aelin was lucky indeed to have her husband in her life. And the pure ball of energy that was Fleetfoot.

[bluebloodsgurl]

Put the Gun Down

Characters: Jamie Reagan X Reader, Danny Reagan, Jackie Curatola, Gormley, Renzulli, Frank Reagan, Stevens (OC)

Word Count: 2000

Warning: Language?,  Angst, Violence, fluff end

A/N: This is the first of many fics. I am using #11 from the Random section on the Prompt list I posted a few days ago. It is in bold letters.

Feedback is always welcome. The Good and The Bad. Requests are also open.

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Your day started off like any other. Grab coffee, head into work, get your assignment and head out. The only difference today, Gormley was sticking you with a new partner. It wasn’t just a new partner, it was a new cop, a rookie. You weren’t particularly happy about it.

“Seriously Sergeant, you’re sticking me with the newbie. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you don’t have a partner for the next couple of weeks remember. Holman is on vacation and I can’t have you running around on your own.” Gormley quickly retorted.

“You could, you’re just choosing not to.”

“No, I’m not Y/l/n. Everyone has to have a partner when out on patrol. Now get out of here and do your job.”

“Fine.” You open the door to his office. “You and I both know that I would work better on my own than with a rookie.” With that you walked out and closed the door a little louder than you wanted to.

“What’s wrong with you?” Danny looked back at you from his desk.

“Oh nothing, everything is just peachy.” You put on the fakest smile you could. “I get a new partner because Holman decided to take a 2-week vacation.”

“It can’t be that bad. We all have had to get new partners before.”

“Yeah, well I would rather have a partner with experience and not a rookie fresh out of the academy.” You started walking towards the locker room to find your new partner.

“Have fun!” Danny yelled across the precinct, earning a birdie being flipped at him.

“Ya know one of these days she’s going to hit you over the head with something.” Jackie said while she let out a small laugh.

“I’m surprised she hasn’t already.”

When you got close to the locker room, you saw a guy standing just outside the door. He looked nervous, he kept adjusting his cap. You stopped a few feet away from him, just watching to see what he was going to do. After a few minutes he finally looked up at you.

“Sorry, Are you Officer Y/LN?”

“Yes… You must be Stevens.” You held your hand out to him, he shook it.

“Nice to meet you.” He looked slightly more nervous than before.

“Dude you need to lighten up.”

“Sorry. First day jitters I guess.”

“That’s fine but I need to know that you’re good before we walk out those doors. If not, we need to talk to Gormley because if we are in a situation and you’re not ready for, it can go bad quickly. I have seen it happen before.”

“I’m good.” He took in a deep breath and exhaled. He did look a little bit more relaxed, but you were still unsure about all of this.

Towards the end of your tour, you had gotten a call from dispatch for a domestic disturbance. There were a few people arguing on the street. There was a group forming near the two men. As you pulled up, you could see that it was going to start escalating. You told Stevens to radio for back-up as you got out of the car. Once you were out the guys started fighting. You ran over to them, leaving Stevens behind. Only you didn’t realize that he didn’t request back-up, he got out to help you instead.

One of the men had the other on the ground, just punching the shit out of him. You were able to pull the guy off of him and handing him over to Stevens. He had taken him, and had him pressed up against the squad car. You went to help the man on the ground. You called for an ambulance.

“Sir, can you hear me?”

“yes.” He was moving around and yelling in pain.

“what’s your name Hun?”

“Jared… Jared Peterson.”

“Good Jared, I need you to stay still, while I look at you, okay?”

“Okay.”

You were and EMT before you became a cop. You figured it would help you on the job. He didn’t completely stop moving, but it was enough to let you look at his face. You were wondering where your back-up was. You started hearing arguing behind you. you looked over to see Stevens struggling to get the man in hand cuffs.  You quickly got up and started over to them. You were about six feet away from them when the man slipped his wrist out of Stevens hand and elbow him in the gut. It sent him back a few steps, which gave the man enough time to swing and punch him, Stevens went down pretty hard. You grabbed your radio as you ran over to them. You noticed Stevens not moving to get up.

“10-13 Officer Down, I repeat 10-13.” What you weren’t expecting was for the guy to pull a gun on you. You stopped in your tracks. “10-32.” You let go of the radio and put your hand up, you left the other just hovering by your gun.

“Shut up!” The man started walking towards you.

The crowd started freaking out. Some started running away, a few were on the phone calling 911 the rest were too scared to move. You could see his eyes weren’t even on you. You slowly started backing up to the man on the ground. You stopped right in front of him.

“Sir, I need you to put the gun down.” You were trying to stay as calm as you possibly could. “Don’t do something that you will regret.”

“I won’t regret this, now get out of my way!”

You still stood there, not moving. You could hear the sirens going off, slowly getting louder.

He cocked his gun and pointed it at you. “I said get out of my way, the bastard deserves it.”

“I can’t do that.” You could see Jamie and Renzulli coming up on one side and 2 others coming up on the other side. One of them went over to check on Stevens.

The man was looking around now he could see all the guns pointed at him. He quickly grabbed you, using you as a shield. He had his arm around your neck, with his hand grabbing onto the collar of your shirt and the gun to your head.

“Woah, drop the gun buddy.” Jamie was the first one to speak, he and Renzulli were the closest ones to you.

“Move any closer and I’ll shoot her.” Jamie stopped immediately.

“Okay, take it easy. Put the gun down and we can talk about this.”

“No, the second I do you will arrest me, and he gets away.”

“What did he do?”

“He’s been sleeping with my wife, now she’s leaving me for him.”

“That doesn’t mean he deserves to die.” You stupidly opened your mouth. Instantly regretting it as the words left your mouth.

“I told you to shut up.” You felt his grip get tighter on your throat, causing you to grunt.

“Ease up on her, your choaking her!” Renzulli yelled at him, he let up just enough for you to catch your breath.

He slowly started moving backwards, you tried to keep yourself planted but he was too strong. There was also the fact that if you didn’t move, he would end up choaking you. You felt the gun slightly lift up from your head. You looked directly at Jamie; you could see the worry in your boyfriends’ eyes.

It’ll be okay. You mouth to him. You could see a shift in him, you see him shake his head slightly.

You just closed your eyes and tried to focus on your breathing. You were about to do something stupid, but you don’t know what this guy was going to do. If you were going to get shot it was going to be on your own terms.

The next few seconds went by in a flash.

You reached up, pushing the barrel of the gun up. You tilted your head away just in case he pulled the trigger. When he didn’t, your hand grabbed the gun holding it above you. Then you picked up your foot to kick him in the shin. While you brought your elbow up to ram it back into his gut. You pulled your gun out of its holster. He let go of you to grab his stomach, he still had his hand on the gun. You swung around to face him. He pulled his arm down bringing the gun and your hand down to shoulder level. When he got it down, you felt his index finger slip out from under your hand to the trigger. Before you could even attempt to move your finger to the safety, he pulled the trigger.

You let go of the gun and started falling to the ground. You pointed your gun at him and shot the man in the chest two times before hitting the ground. You fell onto your back; the man fell back as well.

“Y/N!” you could hear Jamie yelling.

Next thing you see is Jamie kneeling next to you. You were trying to block out the pain, as Jamie put pressure on your shoulder.

“You’re insane.” You could see the tears forming in his eyes.

“You love me.” You looked him in the eyes and smiled.

“Not right now I don’t.”

“Yeah right.” You brought your hand up and put it on top of his.

“Get that ambulance over here.” He yelled to the EMTs that were onsite.

You were transported to the hospital, and immediately taken into surgery. Jamie had a few hours left on his shift, but when he got off, he went to the hospital to wait for you. When he arrived, he saw his father there.

“Jamie.” He stood up from his seat and walked over to his son.

“How is she doing?”

“She’s still in surgery. They said it should be any minute now.” He put a hand on his shoulder and walked him over to the chairs.

A few minutes later Danny came through the doors with coffee. He handed each of them a coffee before sitting down.

“How are you doing kid?”

“I’m fine.” He looked down at his coffee, just trying to avoid eye contact with his brother.

“Oh really, because if I saw my girlfriend get shot in front of me, I would be pretty upset, pissed off even.”

Jamie got up and walked away from them, he didn’t want to do this right now. He just wanted you.

“Commissioner.” A doctor came out into the waiting room, all three men walked up to the doctor. “She’s out of surgery, she’s just resting, but you can go see her now.”

“Thank you.” Frank said as he followed the doctor to your room. Danny and Jamie were close behind him.

When the door to your room opened, you instantly tried to sit up once you saw Frank.

“Commissioner Reagan.”

“Relax Y/n.” You laid back but not all the way down. “How are you?”

“I’ve had worse hits, so I guess I’m doing okay.”

After that Frank started asking about what had happened, you told him everything. That’s when he informed you that Stevens never radioed for back-up. You were pissed off at that point. You knew something was going to go wrong. After a few hours Danny and Frank left, so it was just you and Jamie.

“You’re crazy, ya’know that.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” You just smiled at him.

“It can be when things like today happen.”

“I’m fine Jamie. Come here.”

You scooted over and patted the bed next to you. Jamie laid down with you, being extra careful to not move the bed too much. You moved into him, he wrapped one arm around you just to keep you close to him. Your head was on his other arm. He kissed you on the top of your head.

“I love you, Jamie.”

“I love you too, Y/n.”

Eventually, both of you fell asleep.

[whereisten]

The Ex-Boyfriend

A Jungwoo fic that’s part of our a Halloween Series!

Summary: as a stripper, you always found yourself dancing for odd men, but one night, you’re assigned to dance for your ex-boyfriend, Jungwoo. Things go well, really well..that is, until the next day when you discover his secret.

Pairing: Bachelor!Jungwoo x stripper!reader

Genre: smuttt, angst, horror

Warnings: alcohol use, smut!! (Dry humping, oral sex (m and f receiving), car sex mentioned, protected sex), deception, blood, knife use, violent acts.

Word Count: 5.7K

(A/N: about a year and a half ago someone requested a Jungwoo smut fic..well...I finally got to it💀there’s a big plot twist at the end though, it’s quite disturbing so..I’m sorry in advanced❤️but other than that I hope you like it👀)

—————

[8:50 PM]

You massaged your body with a glitter infused lotion to compliment your skin. 

You liked feeling like a literal shining star when you danced, so why not.

It’s almost time to head to your client for the night, a wealthy bachelor that was due to be married in two weeks. His friends hired you to give him one last night with a private dancer before he was “bound to one woman for the rest of his life.”

They made it seem like his life was over, but you were used to it. Men always wanted one last night where they had “options” and could freely look at the women whose bodies they desired.

You didn’t care, you just wanted the money so you could save up for a music studio and continue to make your own songs. Tonight was gonna be like any other night. You dance for them, but they can touch you. Just look pretty and sexy for a few hours, you can do this. 

You never knew the identities of the men you danced for because it wasn’t necessary, they were all just blank faces for you.

But you didn’t know that tonight would be different.

—————

[11:36 PM]

The private party at the upscale apartment was starting. About six of your coworkers were there with you, dancing slowly and grinding to the music with the men at the party.

The guys drank and laughed with each other while they drank beer and took shots. They were all sweet and respectful, no on acted out of line..yet. I’m sure none of them wanted to deal with the 6’5 and intimidatingly strong bouncers outside of the door that were there to ensure your safety.

Your coworkers flirted and gave the men lap dances while you stood in the corner and watched. You were assigned to the man of the night so technically you didn’t have to dance yet, but you were growing impatient. You wanted to get this over with so you could take off your harnesses, makeup and 6 inch platform heels.

Was he shy? Was he not interested anymore? Some men grew nervous with these kinds of parties. You weren’t sure what his problem was, but what you did know was that you needed to make some money. No dancing=no money, your boss was kind but she always made that clear.

All this alcohol around you and you couldn’t even drink it either. You only drank water and watched your friends have fun and the men shout and woo over them like they were at the club. 

You decided to speak to Johnny, the hired DJ that was spinning some trap music with sexy deep bass and intoxicating singing. Enough to make any man want more than just a lap dance.

“So..the man of the hour isn’t showing, huh?” Johnny said after he took a sip from his red solo cup.

You rolled your eyes and stood beside him at his set table. You looked down and observed all the expensive tech supplies he had.

“I guess not..”

He turned and looked you up and down. “He’s missing out.”

You ran your hands up your sides and played with your bra straps while biting your lips before giving him a wink.

“You think so?”

Johnny laughed as you stepped closer. “Yeah, you look amazing..as usual.”

You blushed. You did have a small crush on Johnny but he was in a complicated relationship with his girlfriend for the longest time. You never got a chance to ask him to dinner. But then again, you weren’t sure if he liked you too, or if he was just like any other man that thought you were sexy. 

“I could, you know, dance for you if he doesn’t show up..” you looked back at the table.

“And when I’m done..you could repay me by letting me play with your toys..” your voice trailed as you reached out to touch one of the sound pads.

He quickly grabbed your wrist and shook his head.

“Oh no, baby, not these toys..”

You stuck your tongue in your cheek and looked up at him, waiting for him to continue.

He rubbed his thumb on your wrist and licked his lips. “I can show you my other toys later..”

You rolled your eyes and opened your mouth to respond, but a loud uproar came out from the living room where everyone was.

“He’s here!! Hell yeah!” One of the men shouted.

You looked to the door and saw him walk through. Another man patted his back and  ruffled his hair.

“There he is!!” The man laughed.

You walked away from Johnny and closer to the room so you could finally see your client’s face. It was him.

“Jungwoo?” You said quietly.

“You know him?” Johnny asked, you didn’t know how he heard your voice over the music.

“Yeah..we..dated..in high school.” You sighed, shit.

“Well..that’s awkward.” Johnny laughed and put his headphones on.

You stepped into the living room and twirled your thumbs. Things didn’t end on bad terms, so you weren’t sure why you were nervous now. 

He’s just another client, just dance for a few minutes and you can go home. He probably doesn’t even remember you, don’t be affected by this.

You lied to yourself. Of course he remembers you, you were each other’s firsts. 

Your heart rate grew and you panicked as you watched the adorable man smile and talk friends. 

He didn’t have that awkward bowl hair cut anymore. Instead, his hair was part to the side and cut low on the sides and the back, he gained more muscle and height, towering over his shorter friends. But his eyes were still a deep, beautiful brown that sucked you in.

Oh, he was still handsome. It’s only been three years since you last saw each other at graduation, but he had grown so much.

He broke up with you because he knew he’d be going to college overseas, but it still hurt. You wanted to try to make it work, but he didn’t.

You thought you had gotten over him, but the stinging pain in your heart told you otherwise. And here he was, getting ready to be married to the love of his life, who wasn’t you. Clearly, he had moved on.

You cleared your throat and looked at the floor. You walked away and went to the kitchen to get some water.

You closed the fridge door and rested your head against it, closing your eyes and breathing in deeply. 

It’s just a dance, it’s just a dance. You’re used to this. He’s just another blank face.

“Y/n...” his heavenly and breathy voice entered your ears from behind you.

You turned slowly and looked at the ground, feeling a sudden shyness as you remembered that you were only covered in leather straps, a g-string and glitter.

You held onto your solo cup tightly and looked up at him. “Jungwoo..”

He smiled and it sent that familiar feeling through you. Like a thousand small birds were trying the escape the cage that was your chest.

It was a feeling you hadn’t felt in years, and you wondered if he knew he had this affect on you still.

“It’s nice to see you..you look amazing.” He gasped and stepped closer.

You gave a small smile and tucked your hair behind you ear. “Thank you, it’s..nice to see you too.”

Jungwoo laughed. “so..they told me, you’re my dancer”

You nodded and laughed. “Yeah, if I knew you were gonna be the man of the night I would’ve declined.”

Jungwoo’s beautiful eyes crinkled as he laughed. “Well, you don’t have to worry about that..I’m not gonna make you dance for me, I know I’m not your boyfriend anymore.”

You gasped when you realized that what you said may have been offensive.

“Oh..no, I didn’t mean..I mean, I’ll dance for you if you want me to! I just..I wish I knew beforehand. It’s not you..it’s...”

Jungwoo waved his hand. “it’s okay! I know what you meant, I’m not offended.” He giggled, his goofy smile made you feel warm.

You smiled wide and thanked the universe for making the music loud enough to drown out the sound of your thumping heart.

“D-Do you want a drink?” You turned and opened the fridge to get him a beer, not noticing that his eyes drifted to your behind and your shiny legs, all the way down to your heels.

“Sure.” He licked his lips and quickly looked away.

You turned back around and handed the beer to him. “So who’s the lucky person?”

You tried your best to smile and look genuinely happy for him.

His smile turned into a frown. “She’s a girl I met at college..but..” he was interrupted by his friend.

You wanted to ask but what? Why did it look like he had second thoughts on his marriage already?

“why the hell are you drinking that shit? We got the champagne ready!”

His friend grabbed his hand and motioned to you. “Come on.”

You nodded and took a deep breath before walking after them.

They all hugged Jungwoo and clapped for him as he struggled to open the champagne bottle. He was still so awkward. He turned to you and laughed, almost as if he heard your thought.

“I-I can’t get it.” He gave up and handed the bottle to his friend.

“Come on Jungwoo! You have to learn how to do this before your anniversary.” 

His friend called out while twisting the bottle opener into the top.

Jungwoo stepped away from the center and by your side. His hand ghosted over yours. He wanted to touch it, to feel your skin again.

Jungwoo was staring at you now, even as you watched the man open the bottle. He missed seeing your features, your smile and your eccentric eyes. 

He had a weakness for you unlike anything else. Even his fiancé couldn’t compare to you. He knew he was still in love.

You turned to him and smiled, looking at his plump lips as they parted slightly to tell you something.

But just as the words were about to come out, you were attacked by the spurting champagne onto your face and chest. His friend had angled the bottle towards you so that it would spray onto you as it opened.

You put your hands out and cried out at the sudden feeling of the cold liquid all over you.

The men laughed while your coworkers ran over to you to make you were okay.

“What the fuck, Donghyuck?!” Jungwoo yelled.

You ran off to the bathroom and shut the door. Luckily, none of the champagne had gotten into your eyes but you still lowered your head to the sink to wash your face off.

You wiped your eyes and looked up at the mirror.

You heard a banging on the door. “Y/n! Are you okay?!” It was Tiffany, your closest coworker.

“I’m fine!! I’ll be out soon.” 

Shit. You mascara was running and your lipstick was smudged. Your makeup was a mess now and you felt like crying, how could you look like this in front of your ex? It was bad enough that you were hired to be a dancer at his bachelor party, but now you looked a complete mess.

Everything was going wrong and you started to tear up. He was happy with his life as a lawyer and his fiancé and here you were, a dancer that was saving up for your dream. And why did you still have feelings for him? It all made you sad.

You just wanted to go home, but you had to make money.

You heard another bang on the door. 

You threw the door open forcefully as you were frustrated at the nights events. You thought it was Tiffany being impatient, so you yelled. 

“I said, I’m fine! Just give me a moment!”

When you opened your wet and angry eyes, you saw Jungwoo’s worried face.

“Oh..oh, I’m so sorry.” You said quietly.

He shook his head and stepped into the bathroom before locking the door.

“No, I’m sorry. That was my fiancé’s brother, he’s an asshole.”

Jungwoo grabbed a hand towel and wiped your face gently, making sure to wipe away the mascara on your cheeks and the red lipstick stains around your lips.

He moved slowly and watched your lips while you looked at his concentrated eyes.

He was so close to you now in the bathroom, your back against the counter as he bent down to help you.

He pulled away and looked into your eyes while holding the towel at his side. 

“You’re still beautiful.”

His voice was low as he watched your wide eyes.

Your heart went wild, you looked at his lips and thought of how soft they were. 

“Thank you.” You quietly uttered out.

He stepped closer and took your chin in his hand, his hot breath hit your lips as he brought his face down to yours.

Did he still like you like you still liked him?

You swallowed hard and looked away, why were you getting your hopes up? He was due to be married in two weeks and surely, you’d never see each other again after tonight.

“I—I can’t do this, Jungwoo.”

“Y/n..I’m sorry, I’m sorry for leaving you..I never stopped thinking about you, but I thought you moved on so I didn’t want to bother you..I caused you so much pain, I’m sorry.”

Jungwoo let go and turned to leave.

You held his arm and stopped him.

“Jungwoo..” you weren’t sure why you stopped him, or even what you wanted to say. A thousand thoughts ran through your mind. His close presence in the intimate room was driving you crazy.

And so you said the first thing that came to your mind.

His eyes grew as he looked into your large ones.

“D-Do you love her?” You whispered, immediately regretting your invasive question.

Jungwoo licked his lips and looked to the floor while sighing.

“Y/n...no one makes me feel the way you make me feel, if it’s love that makes me crazy for you..then no, I don’t love her.”

You sighed and let go of his arm, he was still turned to leave.

“Jungwoo...” you quietly called out his name and with the sound of your beautiful voice, he quickly turned around took your face in his hands.

You closed your eyes as you finally felt his pillowy soft lips on yours. He kissed you deeply, never letting go of your lips as your hands rubbed his back.

His tongue teased your lips and explored your mouth. You moaned into his mouth, drinking in the taste of alcohol on his tongue.

He pulled away to breathe and put his forehead against yours.

“I wanted to do that all night.” Jungwoo chuckled.

You smiled and he placed wet kisses on your neck while you placed your hands behind you and onto the counter top.

You arched your back into him and moaned quietly again. Jungwoo put a hand on the mirror behind your head to steady himself.

“Jungwoo..” you were getting hot and sweaty as the heat from your close bodies built and the heavy breaths filled the air.

He didn’t push towards you. He was always shy when you made love, so you made the first step.

“Touch me, please.” You let out in a desperate breath.

Jungwoo couldn’t resist you. All the memories came flooding in, he remembered the dates you had together, your shy smile, your patience with him and even the way you felt the first time he came in you.

You tugged his shirt and lifted your legs up so that you could sit on the counter and wrap your legs around his waist. 

He ran his hands up your exposed thighs and breathed heavily as he looked at your exposed skin and lace covered private area.

He swallowed hard and went back to licking up the champagne that got on your neck.

You moved your lower body closer to him and grinded onto his crotch, wrapping an arm around his neck as he kissed your skin and bit it to leave a mark.

You moved your hot core up and down and over his covered erection, making a low groan escape him.

He pushed into you harder. You ran a hand through his brown hair and whined at the feeling.

You two were dry humping as the bathroom became hot and the sounds of your harmonizing whines and moans filled it. Jungwoo was a singer like you, so the two of you always made loud sounds when you had sex.

But luckily, the music outside of the door was louder.

You unbuttoned Jungwoo’s dress shirt while he watched your body grind against his. 

“Do you remember the first time we had sex?”

Jungwoo laughed. “Yeah, I came after like one minute..”

You laughed too and pulled him towards your face for another kiss.

“I missed you..” Jungwoo looked into your eyes, searching for reciprocation.

He smiled goofily when you blushed.

“Let me make it up to you.” Jungwoo tugged on one of the straps you had on.

“The first time sucked, I’ll be better this time..”

He kneeled down below you, pushing your legs away from his waist.

“Wait..what?” You asked as he looked up at you, his expression turning dark and daring. He moved closer to the apex of your legs, his hot breath fanning your lace underwear.

“I miss the way you taste, baby, let me taste you..” his voice lowered and you fell weak in his hands.

“Jungwoo..you don’t have to..” he was always a shy and obedient partner for you. You never had to ask him twice to do something as he just wanted to make you feel good. The men you had been with after him were cocky and self-centered, making sure they got off first and worried about you later.

He nodded and pushed his face towards your entrance while using his fingers to push the thin fabric to the side. He placed your legs over his shoulders and rested his head in the apex.

He licked a long stripe up your slit as you gasped and threw your head back.

He was slow and gentle with his tongue, using the tip to part your folds and collect the juices in between.

“Jungwoo..” you called out while fondling your breast.

He hummed when he heard you call his name, enjoying the way you moved onto his flattened tongue on your own.

You bit your lips and looked down at him as he added two fingers and circled his tongue onto your clit now.

Your breathing grew short and when you locked eyes with him. You could see a dark glint in them that sent chills up your spine and pushed you even further.

You could feel every dangerous flick of his tongue and every vibration. He moved his tongue faster as you moaned out louder and gripped the edge of the counter tightly.

“Ah..fuck..” you closed your eyes tightly as you came. He continued to kiss your entrance with his plump lips and lick up your essence as it escaped.

When he stood up, you continued kissing him.

He panted while you traced your hand over his bulge. You were about to pull his zipper down and get on your knees but he leaned in to whisper in your ear.

“Can we have..just one more night?” He searched your eyes with a sorrowful tone.

You thought about it while looking at his precious face. You were just a dancer, you shouldn’t have let things get this far. It was your duty to pleasure him, if anything. But then again, he wasn’t just another client. He was one of your most loving partners. What harm could one night do?

You nod.

Jungwoo takes your hand and leads you out of the bathroom. Everyone is too busy partying to notice the two of you leaving, but Tiffany sees you. She was waiting for you the entire time you were in the bathroom to make sure you were okay.

You give Tiffany a nod as you head out the door.

Jungwoo took you back to his house on the countryside. You never stopped kissing even as he drove. You got on your knees and tasted his length, making it difficult for him to concentrate.

“Oh..y/n..” he glanced down at your head bobbing up and down as it coated his cock in spit. Your ass is up in the air and he can’t wait to touch it.

He wraps your legs around his waist and brings you to his room where he places you down onto the bed. You help him throw his shirt off, then go to take your heels and lingerie off , but he stops you by grabbing your ankles.

He tilts his head. “Keep them on for me, pretty.”

You nod and watch him crawl over you. He slides a condom on and pushes into you swiftly. You grip the sheets as you whimper from being stretched out so suddenly.

You don’t remember him being this big, but maybe he had a growth spurt.

You bent your knees and wrapped your legs around his waist as he thrusted into you again, making your breasts shake.

You lick your lips as his warmth from his large body takes you over. He kisses along your neck and groans while his cock slides in and out of your soaking pussy. It feels so good, he might just go insane if you stay so right for the rest of this.

He pushes in deeper while biting your neck.

“Jungwoo!” You cry out. 

Your nails scratch lightly at his back, your body trembles from being pushed closer with every satisfying thrust.

He grips your waist and forces himself into you repeatedly while watching you bite your lips and moan. 

You run your hand down his chest and abs. 

“I love you…” he looks into your eyes and says before rubbing your clit with his fingers.

You cry out. “Ahh!! Jungwoo..I missed you.”

“Will you stay the night?” His soft voice enters your ear and makes you shiver.

You’re so close.. you’ve never felt so adored, so wanted.

“Y-yes..”

Jungwoo smiles and grabs your waist as he flips you over him and lays down below you.

“Ride me, baby.”

He runs his hands up your thighs.

And you do as he says, swiveling your hips while bouncing up and down to finally orgasm. He digs his nails onto your ass to guide you down onto his cock.

He thrust upward into you and watches as your body becomes weak, your hair falls in your face as sweat coats your forehead. Your breasts move up and down, your nipples peeking through the falling bra as you move faster. All you can think about is the building pressure in the pit of your stomach, the way you feel every bulging vein run against your velvety walls.

You let out a few more moans and cry out, releasing onto him as he continues to pound into you from below.

Your body falls onto his chest limply, but Jungwoo finishes soon after once you tighten around him.

You both breathe heavily, he slides out of you and places you down beside him. Once your mind is clear, you go to the restroom to clean yourself up.

Meanwhile, Jungwoo goes to his closet and brings out a shirt and shorts for you to wear.

“Here!” He smiles widely once you open the door.

You grinned and thanked him while you took the outfit he brought for you.

The two of you fell asleep in his cozy bed not long after. Jungwoo played with your hair and massaged your scalp as he hugged you from behind.

“Jungwoo..do you really love me?” Your eyes were closed, the words barely escaped as you were half asleep.

Jungwoo smirked. “Of course.”

———

[The Next Morning]

You feel a stingingly cold piece of metal around your wrists. 

As you awaken more, you feel the same thing around your ankles.

“J-Jungwoo?” You try to rub your eyes as you peer them open but you only hear the jingling of chains.

“Good morning, y/n.” He says smoothly.

When your eyes finally open and focus, you look down at your ankles and see that they’re bound to the bed posts at the foot of the bet with chains.

You look to your sides and see your arms stretch above your head and bound to the bed posts as well.

“Jungwoo!” You yank on the chains. “What the hell is this?”

You brows furrow as you begin to panic.

Jungwoo stands at the foot of the bed. His back is to you as he tends to something on the dresser.

But then you notice he is in a long black gown.

“Come in! She’s awake!” He calls out.

Several men dressed in the same gown enter the room and stand in a circle around the bed.

“Jungwoo! Who are these people? What the fuck?! Let me go!!” You yank harder against the chains and begin to cry.

You look closer and recognize some of the men were from the party last night.

Jungwoo finally turns to you.

“Oh, y/n..I guess I should explain everything now.”

He smiles widely, giving you the creeps.

You ball your hands into fists and still try to fight your restraints.

“Jungwoo..please don’t do this!” You cry out.

“But I haven’t even explained what we’re doing yet?”

He tilts his head and smirks.

You breathe heavily and watch as he dips two fingers into the steel bowl in his hands.

“You see..y/n..a few years ago when I broke up with you..I was awoken. I was visited by a messenger of God and given the opportunity to change my life for the better.” He flicks some of the liquid onto your body.

You scream. “No!!”

He ignores your cries and continues. “I sacrificed my old life for a new one, one that would allow me to serve God by saving poor souls like yours..”

“Jungwoo! You’re insane!! I don’t need to be saved!”

“Oh, but my poor child, you do. You are the very definition of sin. You use your body to tempt men, lure them, and corrupt them. You, and other people like you, are the very thing that destroys our human race. We are so caught up in lust, that we fail to remember our God. We fail to serve him.”

“Fuck you! All you men were there last night! All of you paid for the entertainment, don’t blame me for doing something your thirsty asses wanted me to do!”

Jungwoo only laughs. “Y/n..God will be so pleased when he has received your saved soul.” 

Your eyes widened. “What?!”

He steps closer and flicks another spray of water onto your forehead.

“You’re a stripper and you must be cleansed of your sins, you must beg for forgiveness.”

“Fuck you!” You squirm on the bed.

“Help me please! Can't you see he's insane?!”

“I will now drink this entire bowl of holy water and transfer it to you. I did not spread my semen in you last night for fear that I would be tainted, so now I will bless you with my DNA.” Jungwoo tips the bowl into his mouth and gulps the liquid down.

The guy standing to your other side grabs your chin and holds your mouth open.

You try to close it but his grip is too strong. You whimper and struggle against your restraints once more.

Jungwoo spits the holy water into your mouth. You tried not to swallow it but you had to breathe.

You gag and choke once he pulls away and your chin is released.

You cough up loudly and squint. “Please..Jungwoo..please don’t do this, I’m sorry.”

Tears escape your eyes.

“It is not I that you should apologize to you, it is God. But do not worry, your sacrifice will be enough for our cult.”

“C-cult?” Your eyes widened as it all came together. Jungwoo joined a cult after high school, that’s why you never saw him again. And he looked different because he WAS different.

“We are a family devoted to God. But we need you to expand and bring about the purest being in the world, for it is only through the sacrifice of the ultimate sinner that we can be gifted with the purest angel.”

He steps towards you with a long knife in his hand now.

“We must first start by branding you with our symbol of peace..” 

“No no no no no..please!! Please don’t do this.”

He slices through the T-shirt easily.

He then places the tip of the knife into the center of your chest, between your breasts.

You cry out louder as you feel it pierce your skin.

Blood escapes onto it.

He then presses it deeper and draws a straight line down. You scream from the pain as he digs the knife in so deep, you feel it begin to grind against the bone in the center.

“In between the tempting breasts of the woman, the center of the sin.” Jungwoo then draws a line horizontally, cutting into your breasts as you cry out for help.

Blood splatters fall onto his face but he remains calm as the rest of the men do.

The pain is unbearable, you squirm in a last attempt to escape, but soon your vision goes to black as too much blood escapes.

———

You wake up several hours later when your chains begin to clink.

“No..” you mumble, your eyes feeling heavy and impossible to open.

“Shh!” The man says.

You finally open your eyes wide and look down at the foot of the bed to see someone unlocking the chains around your ankles.

When you look closer in the darkness, you see that it’s Donghyuck from the party. 

“Donghyuck?” You whisper. He was one of the men in the circle but now he was helping you to escape.

“You have to run, run far from here. You were supposed to go home when I ruined your outfit with the champagne, but it only drove you closer to him..I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

He unlocks the chains around your wrists and steps back.

“Where am I?” You whisper.

“You’re about two miles away from the closest town, but you have to run, don’t stop, don’t look back.”

And you did as he had instructed you to do, you snuck out of the house with his help and ran through the yard as you cried. You still felt the pain of the scar Jungwoo drew in your chest, but you had to suffer through it for now, you had to keep running.

You got about a half of a mile out when you ran into a woman. You were running so fast through the woods, you nearly collided into her as she walked her dog.

“Oh my god!” You jumped as you dodged her by just an inch.

“Oh!” She yelped and stepped back.

You slowed down and bent over while panting. You held yourself up on your knees. 

“You-you have to run! They’re crazy! Get out of here!” You tried to warn her. She walked up to you and held your back.

“Oh my god...what happened to you? What did they do?”

You broke down. “I can’t..I can't talk now I have to go.”

The slim and young brunette rubbed your back and gave you a reassuring nod. “Sweetie, it’s okay, you’re with me now. You’re safe, I’m gonna help you. Just..slow down, tell me what happened.”

Tears streamed down your face. “They were gonna sacrifice me! There’s a fucking cult! And they were gonna kill me.. please take me to the police station.”

“Oh my god! That’s bizarre! I’m gonna take you to the police right now, don’t worry.” She held you in her arms and walked you through the woods.

You finally felt a sense of relief, like you were free from that maniac.

You thanked God for Donghyuck but you wondered if he would be okay after betraying the rest of them.

You caught your breath, but after walking for about 30 minutes straight, you noticed something odd. There was an “RIP” post made from cement that you kept passing. It felt like you were going in circles.

And then, the lady suddenly stopped.

“Wh-where are we?” You asked with a shakey breath.

She turned to you slowly and gave you a creepy smile.

“Right where we need to be, my child.”

Oh no..

Your eyes widened when you realized that she was a part of it too.

You turned to run, but collided into Jungwoo.

He holds tightly onto you and uses the same knife to stab you in the stomach.

You gasp and lean forward as a sharp pain shoots through your body.

Your mouth falls open, but you’re too stunned to speak.

The lady comes up behind you and turns you around.

“Thank you for your blood, thank you for being a sinner, my husband, Jungwoo, and I will give birth to the baby that will make this world right and it is all thanks to you.” She smiles as she takes the knife out and slits your throat.

Your blood splatters across her face. Her and Jungwoo laugh together as you die slowly in their arms. They drag you back to their house and drain your blood into the bathtub.

They drink it while bathing in it, then they make love. Jungwoo wraps his wife’s legs around his waist as she scratches his back and brings him deeper and deeper into her. He licks up the blood on her nipples while listening to her moan. Their bodies, hair, faces and lips covered in your blood as Jungwoo cums deep into his wife multiple times, planting the seed for their messiah to be born from sin.

[kinnards]

been here all along [fic]

Or; there are traces of Buck all over the Diaz household. 1.8 k

Read on ao3

The coffee maker beeps in the kitchen, the sound carrying all the way into the bedroom the second after Eddie turns off his alarm. A cool breeze comes in through the window Eddie left open last night by mistake, and in the couple steps it takes to go from the bed to the door, Eddie has picked up at least six different clothing items, not even all his, from the floor and the chair in the corner that soon gets tossed into the laundry basket. He stops briefly by Christopher’s room to make sure his son is awake (he’s not, and a cranky five more minutes is heard from under the covers) before going into the bathroom to start his own morning routine.

The bright, red firetruck print that greets him has never failed to make him smile, not once ever since one particular Thursday, maybe two years ago now, when Christopher and Buck spent a couple of hours in the mall looking for a birthday present for one of Chris’s friends but bought a very much not needed set of shower curtains instead, along with matching firetruck soap dispenser and cup. They even have little firefighters painted in the tiny plastic windows, and Christopher might be almost twelve now, but the day he gets tired of his Buck’s gift is yet to come.

A month into the school year, the Diaz family’s mornings have looked mostly the same every day, and this fine Monday proves not to be the exception, as Eddie finds out a few minutes later. A certain blond man is still asleep on Eddie’s couch, and instead of doing his workout, Christopher is sprawled on top of him, snoring lightly. Buck’s legs are twisted in an awkward angle to fit in the couch and one of his hands brushes the fluffy carpet beneath the sofa (the one he picked in an attempt to convince Eddie that his house needed personality), the other holding onto Chris, whose face is completely smushed against the other’s shoulder. Bright blue crutches that Chris has started to grow out of lay in a disorganized pile next to them.

(If Eddie’s heart beats a little bit faster- if his hands itch to hold them too and join the sleepy pile, well. They don’t need to know.)

“Alright, sleepy heads, school starts in an hour! Get up!”

-

Eddie owns a perfectly functional coffee maker, a classic machine with only one button and no special features, that makes his coffee the same way every day, and has done so for almost five years without signs of obsolescence. He’s a simple man with simple tastes, but Eddie’s perfect, simple coffee maker, is currently collecting dust inside a box in the attic.

A steaming cup of coffee, however, is waiting for him on the counter when he steps into the kitchen, complete with milk foam, a shot of caramel, and two sugars: the product of the stupidly expensive machine Buck and Chris had plotted to get him, with all the smart features and Starbucks level settings that Eddie did not need. Using the machine is extremely complicated, too, so once Eddie found out how to input the settings for his drink of choice, he stopped allowing anyone to mess with it. Eddie drinks the sweet concoction religiously every morning, without a fault.

He sips on his sugar bomb slowly as Buck cooks breakfast, eggs, and sausages with toast, fruit salad, and a cup of warm milk for the only kid in the house. The sound of the sizzling pan and the knife hitting the cutting board fills the room along with the smell of homemade breakfast, something that screams of home and family, uninterrupted until Christopher shows up fresh from the shower and in clean clothes, with his restless morning energy and promptly sets to chatting their ears off. Buck keeps the conversation alive and gets the boy to help with mixing the fruit salad while he recounts the last episode of their favorite cartoon they had seen together the previous night. Buck makes surprised sounds at the right times, throwing a few "No way! Tell me more!" for good measure, even though Eddie’s pretty sure he remembers the episode perfectly as he asks the right questions to launch Christopher off in another direction at least three times.

Eddie finishes his coffee, leaves the cup in the sink, and turns to the cupboard to start setting the table.

Three days before school started, Christopher told Eddie that he’s big enough to use big people knives and after a long phone call with his son’s Occupational Therapist, and another with his own therapist, they had gone to the store to get him a cutlery set that could allow him more independence while still on the safer side, and Buck had found the perfect one: the knife has a blunt tip and slightly serrated edge, and a round plastic handle decorated with tiny green and blue dinosaurs.

“Daddy, don’t forget the dinosaurs, please,” Christopher asks politely, just like every day, because he refuses to eat with any other fork or knife. Luckily the set came with six of each, so everyone can use them during breakfast as Christopher prefers.

“Yeah, and don’t forget the big spoon for the fruit salad,” Buck chips in, pointedly looking at Eddie. Clearly, he still hasn’t let go of the last few times he has forgotten the big spoon for the fruit salad. In less than five minutes, they’re seated around the table eating, Christopher’s feet kicking excitedly against Eddie’s when they congratulate him for the A he got in his latest science assignment.

Both his son and best friend clear their plates first, smiles on their faces accompanied by crinkled eyes as they laugh. Eddie has to scold Chris on talking with his mouth full only once- a new record, and Buck only twice, tapping him on the hand with the spoon, reminding him to lead by example and not be a terrible influence on the kid. Buck mumbles a sheepish sorry every time, ducking his head in embarrassment, and Eddie just rolls his eyes and shoots him a fond look. He watches them, joins the laughter when Buck teases him, or when Christopher tells a story from school, warmth filling him up from the inside out.

Soon enough, the time’s up and Christopher goes to brush his teeth and get ready to leave while Eddie and Buck load the dishwasher and wipe the countertops, barely any words exchanged as they move around the kitchen. Eddie checks the calendar by the fridge, next to Christopher’s old artwork and the polaroids held up by fruit magnets. PT at 11 am, Frank’s at 3 pm, reads in the bold block letters of Buck’s handwriting, under Eddie’s own scribble of C’s swimming lessons at 3.30 pm. Eddie makes a face at the overlapping schedule, chews on the inside of his cheek. He’s too late to ask Carla to take Christopher for him, as he gave her the week off a few days ago so she could go to DC for a certification. The last few therapy sessions had been at noon, but PT was pushed up to eleven and so his entire schedule was unexpectedly messed up, and Eddie will have to run from the clinic to Christopher’s school and then take him to the pool, but he’s not cleared to drive yet so he has to account for cab ride expenses and a whole new timeframe now, too. God, he should have gotten this figured out yesterday.

Back in El Paso, when Eddie had worked three jobs, he had once forgotten to pick Christopher up at school because his shift ran longer than usual, his phone died and the teachers were unable to reach him at the construction site. His parents had been called instead, being the second emergency contacts, and they had stared him down later at night while they told him all the reasons he was a bad dad and Christopher should live with them. Don’t drag him down with you, Eddie.

A hand lands on his healthy shoulder, right next to the base of his neck, and Eddie looks away from the calendar to meet a pair of bright blue eyes next to him. Buck watches him for a second before opening his mouth, careful.

“Hey, Eds, I noticed today looks a bit tight and I was thinking I could ask Bobby to let me out for an hour so I can go pick Chris up and drive him to his lessons, or maybe ask Maddie if I’m on a call,” he says, and the knots in his throat slowly start to dissolve, as he stares up to his friend’s calm face. His shoulders slowly start to relax, the injured one pulses with pain. The warmth of Buck's fingers makes the little hairs on his nape stand up as he swipes his thumb twice over the patch of uncovered skin in a comforting gesture.

“Yeah, thanks, man,” Eddie chokes out.

Buck smiles, and it’s all it takes. The fog lifts.

“Sure, I’ll text you in case I can’t make it so you can let the school know Mads is going to get him,” Buck continues, but he’s not touching Eddie anymore. Eddie takes a small step back, fidgets with the dishrag he still had in his hands as Buck starts to make his way to the living room, picking up his jacket, “you get to pick him up after, and already I left you guys some leftover stew for tonight's dinner in the fridge," Eddie keeps his eyes on Buck while he talks, takes a few steps closer to his friend, but not close enough. "I have a sixteen-hour today, so you tell Christopher goodnight for me, alright?”

“Of course,” his voice is too tight, and it must show because Buck bites his lip and reaches out his hand again, but doesn’t touch. At that moment Christopher burst back into the living room and yells out as if Buck isn’t right there to hear him.

“I’m ready, Buck!”

With a last smile, Buck turns to the door, putting on his shoes quickly and pulling his bag out of the hallway closet. Eddie leans down to place a smooch on his son’s cheek, which makes him laugh, and throw his head back with a loud “Bye, dad!” in his ear.

“Alright buddy, let’s go, let’s go!” Buck exclaims and Christopher bolts out the door, followed by his Buck, and Eddie stays at the threshold until he can’t see the Jeep past the corner of the street.

It’s barely eight o’clock and he still has chores to get done before PT, but Eddie just drops facefirst into the heap of blankets on top of the couch, drowning in the smell of his family and he aches for the picture he saw earlier that morning, sleep falling slowly over him like another blanket. A short nap is calling his name from the dream world, and the last thing he sees before going under is his pillbox for the pain meds next to a bottle of water, a pink post-it note stuck on the tag, big bold letters were carefully written on it. I know you forget but please take these before leaving home! xx. Buck.

Eddie falls.

[specialagentsergio]

all we can do is keep breathing || chapter one

summary: He’s out of prison now, but your boyfriend is very much not okay. When he isn’t reinstated, he spirals down quickly, and you don’t know how to help him out of it. (or, spencer relapses post-prison and goes to rehab)

pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader

category: angst (eventual happy ending)

content warnings: swearing, drug abuse & addiction, an overdose, substance use disorder, ptsd, mentions of suicide, mentions of/implied sex, references to sexual assault, description of a panic attack/ptsd episode. please read with caution; this content can be triggering.

a/n: honestly, i just wrote this for myself. but it was partially inspired by @zhuzhubii ‘s brilliant and heart wrenching fic i know what’s best for me (but i want you instead). mine takes a different turn, but theirs is amazing as well.  

a/n 2: disclaimer that while i have both been a patient at a residential treatment center and currently work at one, i don’t have substance use disorder and we don’t treat it specifically at my current workplace. my experience is also all in adolescent centers rather than adult ones, so this won’t be entirely accurate.

word count: 8k

song: paralyzed by nf

fic masterlist || masterlist

Nothing’s been the same since Mexico.

You weren’t naïve. You hadn’t been expecting things to go right back to normal when he got home from prison. You were prepared for Spencer to struggle. And you were ready to do whatever it took to help him recover from this trauma.

But you had never expected that that dedication would lead you to here—sitting on the couch at 11 o’clock at night, tired but wide awake, waiting for him to return from god knows where. A few cardboard boxes filed with the last of his things are stacked neatly beside you.

Spencer’s six-year sobriety coin sits in your hand. You’d found it in the trash a few days after he got home. You had tried to talk him into keeping it—"you were drugged; it’s not your fault”—but he had refused, leading you to believe there was something he wasn’t telling you. But you hadn’t pushed him on it, as that would just be a surefire way to make him double down on keeping it to himself.

He didn’t want the coin, but you kept it, hidden from his sight, hoping he’d want it back someday.

Now, three months later, you weren’t sure that day was going to come.

He had managed to get by for six weeks. He’d been plagued by nightmares and suffered multiple panic attacks, but he’d pushed through the cravings, gone to all his mandated therapy appointments, and attended refresher courses on procedures and firearms. He did everything the bureau required to consider reinstating him.

The day of the meeting, Spencer had seemed a little nervous, but stable. He’d gotten a good night’s sleep, free of bad dreams, and he had given you a kiss goodbye that felt just like the ones he’d always given you before. Then he walked out the door, and you didn’t hear from him for the rest of the day.

You got the news from Emily. The bureau had decided not to reinstate him “at this time”. They recommended that he reapply in six months, but for now, he wouldn’t be getting his badge and gun back.

Your initial reaction had been relief. Although you had shown Spencer nothing but encouragement, you weren’t sure he would ever be ready to go back, let alone so soon. You didn’t even know why he was reapplying. He’d worked for them for over a decade and become a well-respected agent, but when he needed help, the bureau had abandoned him and refused to help him prove his innocence. You had been so furious you could barely speak when JJ told you their decision.

Spencer didn’t share your sentiment—or if he did, he didn’t want to face it. On some level, you understood. The BAU was his home before you were, and you could imagine that after the chaos of the last three months, he desperately wanted his life to just go back to normal. So even though you weren’t sure that this was the best decision for him to make—especially since he seemed to have barely thought about it at all—you’d supported him. Whatever he needed, right?

You tried calling him after talking to Emily, but he didn’t answer. It didn’t worry you too much at first—Spencer often needed space to process things on his own before talking about it. You wouldn’t be able to have a proper conversation until you were off work anyways.

It was around six when the anxiety kicked in. You’d tried calling him a few more times throughout the day to no avail. You hadn’t even gotten a text back. Then you started getting messages from his team, asking how he was doing and if he was okay. They hadn’t heard from him either.

When you’d gotten home, you had immediately looked to the chair Spencer always left his bag on. It was empty. You’d looked through all the rooms anyways, trying to ignore what your gut was telling you he was off doing.

It was a few more hours before he stumbled through the front door, his eyes glassy and footing unstable. You stood in front of him, putting your hands on his upper arms to keep him steady. When he had caught your eyes, he had started to cry.

He’d been more or less inconsolable for the rest of the night, blubbering out apologies as you guided him through the motions of getting into bed. He’d clung to you and you’d murmured reassurances against his skin and into his hair that you still loved him, that you didn’t think any less of him, that he would be okay. You had truly thought he would be at the time.

But he wasn’t okay, not at all. He quickly became stuck in a cycle of using, promising it was the last time, staying clean for a little while, then relapsing. You had pleaded with him to get help, but he’d become... aggressive when you suggested inpatient treatment.

“Don’t ever say that,” he’d snarled. “I’m not my mother.”

Then later that same night, he had crawled into bed next to you at 2 AM, curled up against your side, and begged in a trembling voice, “please don’t send me away.”

You haven’t had the courage to bring it up again until now.

Four days ago, you hit your breaking point. You’d come home from work and found him limp on the couch, barely breathing, a syringe and little glass vial next to him. You’d dialed 911 as you ran into the bedroom, yanked open your bedside table, and pulled out the auto injectable dose of Narcan you’d acquired a few weeks ago just in case. Thanks to that, Spencer was conscious again by the time the EMTs arrived. He resisted being taken to the ER, alternating between scowling at them and looking at you with pleading eyes.

But you didn’t give in. When he had checked himself out of the hospital an hour later (you had refused to do it for him), you had driven him home, but the entire time you were formulating a plan. You’d realized that you were padding his rock bottom, and you couldn’t do it anymore.

So now here you are, waiting on the couch. You hope it will work this time. About a month ago you had tried staging an intervention with his team, but as soon as he saw them, he’d walked right back out of the room and you hadn’t seen him again for nearly two days.  

It’s another hour before he arrives home, and it takes his drug-fogged mind a full minute to process what he’s seeing. His voice is hoarse when he asks, “You’re leaving?”

“No,” you reply. “You are.”

Spencer sways slightly on his feet as he thinks. “You’re kicking me out,” he realizes.

You try to ignore the prick of tears in your eyes and focus on keeping your voice steady. “Yes. I am.”

His bottom lip starts to tremble. “You... you can’t do this,” he whispers.

“No, I can,” you say. You take a deep breath before you continue. “But more than that, I have to.”

For the first time in months, Spencer doesn’t try and hide his tears from you. He cries openly. His back hits the wall and he slides down it, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. It’s unbelievably hard to watch.

You stand and approach him cautiously, almost as if he’s an animal that you don’t want to spook, reaching into your back pocket and holding out a keycard. “I booked you a room for the night at that motel a few streets over, so you can... sleep it off. But after that, you’re on your own.”

He looks up at you with those big brown eyes that you love so much, but they don’t look like they used to. Now they’re bloodshot and his pupils are pinpricks. “(Y/N), please, please don’t do this,” he whimpers. “Please, this is the last time. I won’t do it again, I promise.”

You just shake your head. His words are nothing new. “Your car is already in the parking lot there with the rest of your things.”

It’s like a switch flips, his broken expression contorting into a glare. “Fine,” he practically growls. He pushes your hand away and staggers to his feet. “I don’t want that shitty motel room. I’ll just go stay with JJ. She actually cares about me.”

You expected him to lash out like this, but the words still sting. “You really think JJ’s going to let you be around her boys like this?” you ask quietly.

The anger on his face is offset some by the tears and snot still running down it.. And you know he knows that you’re right. “So this is it, huh?” he says coldly, wiping his nose on the back of his hand. “Six years together, all we’ve been through. It’s just over now.”

You retreat back to the couch, placing the keycard on top of the boxes. “That’s actually up to you.”

His laugh is derisive. “You could have fooled me!”

You swallow around the lump in your throat. “I don’t want this to be permanent. You can stay now, or come back, on one condition.”

Spencer folds his arms over his chest defensively. “Which is?”

“You have to agree to check into a treatment center.”

The look of betrayal on his face breaks your heart. Tears spill out of your eyes before you can stop them; you swipe them away and take a deep breath to try and hold the rest of them off.

It’s a while before he speaks again, and his voice is quiet when he does. “How can you say that.” It’s not a question.

“It’s what you need, Spencer,” you answer. “You’re not coping with what happened to you. Not just prison, everything that’s happening to your mom, too—”

“Don’t talk about my mother!”

You flinch. He’s never raised his voice at you before. It’s the drugs, you try to remind yourself. It’s just the drugs, he doesn’t really mean it.

He storms forward and you scurry out of the way on instinct. He scoffs. “What, you think I’m going to hurt you?”

“You’re scaring me right now,” you admit quietly.

Spencer tries to cover up the hurt with a scowl, but you can still see it in his eyes. “You really think that little of me?”

You open your mouth to speak, then close it again. You don’t know what to say. Spencer would never hurt you, you know that without a doubt. But the Spencer you know, the man you fell in love with... he’s not the same person when he’s using. And with how high and emotional he is right now, you don’t know what to expect. “I... I don’t know anymore, Spencer,” you answer honestly.

He shrugs. “Maybe you’re right to think that. I did some awful things in there, you know.” He says it matter-of-factly, but you recognize it as a glimpse of one of the things he’s using the drugs to escape from, one of the things he won’t talk about.

He gathers up the boxes in his arms; you pretend not to notice him pocketing the keycard. You’re worried about him carrying them safely in his current state and almost reach out to steady him before recognizing from the tension in his shoulders that touching him right now will only make things worse.

He stops at the door and you hurry to open it for him. “I really believed you loved me, you know,” he whispers, the anger falling off of his face.

The words are like a blow to the stomach; it knocks the breath out of your lungs. “I do,” you choke out. “I do love you.”

Spencer doesn’t answer. He just shakes his head and walks out the door.

He doesn’t look back.

---

It’s been the longest two weeks of your life.

You haven’t heard from Spencer since the night he left. You weren’t expecting him to come around to the idea of rehab quickly, but you thought he might try and call you within a few days and try to talk his way out of the hole he’d found himself in.

He didn’t.

All you could do was wait, and hope that that night wasn’t going to end up being the last time you saw him alive. In a way, it was worse than it had been when he was in prison, because this time, you were the reason he was gone.

His team has mixed feelings on what you’ve done.

JJ is mad. She asks, “how could you?”, and, “you really think this will work?” You try to be patient with her—you know she’s so upset because she loves him. She already lost her older sister and now she’s scared of losing the man who’s practically her brother. But when she (perhaps unintentionally) insinuates that you did this because you’d just had enough of him, you snap, telling her she has no right to say that when you know she wouldn’t let him stay at her house while he’s using. She keeps her thoughts to herself after that.

Emily is sympathetic. She was there the first time he started using and had subsequently gotten her head bitten off when she tried to reach out and help him. “I know how hard it is to get through to him when he’s... like this. You just let me know if I can help at all.”

Luke is much the same. He’s had his own struggles with PTSD and understands the toll it takes on everyone, not just the one with it. He’s always happy to offer you some time with Roxy, because he’s right—things really do feel better when you’re petting her.

Rossi isn’t... indifferent, exactly. He just doesn’t seem to have much of an opinion one way or the other. You think it’s because he doesn’t know what an alternative would be. For all his experience in psychology, he’s unsure of how to help Spencer.

You don’t know Matt very well yet, but he’s kind to you, even going so far as to bring you a dish of his wife’s lasagna.

Penelope is an absolute angel with her warm hugs and baked goods. She keeps an eye on Spencer’s cell phone location for you, in the event that he ends up at a police precinct or hospital.

Out of everyone, you like talking to Tara the most. She’s so supportive and understanding. You feel like she’s the only one who truly knows what the past few months have been like for you. She just gets it, having lived with a partner with substance use disorder before. “You’re doing the best you can and that’s all that matters,” she tells you. She even goes to a Narcotics Anonymous family meeting with you.

It’s day fourteen without Spencer, and it doesn’t feel much different. It feels bleak. You go to work and run errands, but you only manage it because it’s habit.

You’re rinsing off your plate from dinner when there’s a knock on the door. Your heart leaps into your throat. You aren’t expecting anyone. You try—in vain—not to hope too hard as you go to answer it. It could just be someone dropping by on a whim, or, god forbid, a police officer with bad news.

Please, Spencer. Please let it be you.

When you look through the peephole, you’re unable to hold back a sob of relief. His eyes are fixed on the doormat so you can’t quite see his face, but you’d recognize that head of hair anywhere, even in its current unwashed and disheveled state. You take a few deep breaths before opening the door, for his sake. You crying all over him is likely the last thing he wants or needs.

He doesn’t look up when you open the door, and you realize he’s waiting for you to make the first move.

“Spencer,” you say softly.

It’s a few more moments before he responds. “I’ll do it,” he finally mutters; you can just barely hear him.

Your breath catches in your chest. “You’ll do what?” you ask.

He glances up then, a look of annoyance flashing across his face.

“I’m not trying to be difficult,” you say, voice shaky from the effort of holding back tears. “I just... I need to hear you say it.”

He sighs and looks back down, tugging on the ends of his sleeves. “I’ll... I’ll go to... to re—rehab.”

Tension you didn’t even know you were holding in your body melts away. You step to the side. “Come in,” you whisper.

He shuffles inside. When you turn back from closing the door, he’s just standing still in the middle of the room. You get a better look at him now. His clothes are rumpled and his hair is an absolute mess, tangled and dirty. It doesn’t look like he’s had a shower or shave for at least a week—you figure he’s probably been sleeping in his car. His face is pale and his hands are trembling; as you move closer, you can see a light sheen of sweat on his face, leading you to believe that he’s currently sober and starting to experience withdrawal symptoms.

You touch his arm gently and he makes a distressed whining sound. You guide him to sit on the couch. When you sit next to him, he looks at you with teary eyes. You open your arms in an invitation and he collapses into you, bursting into tears. “’m sorry,” he stutters out between sobs. “I—I didn’ mean it. I... ‘m so s—sorry, (Y/N).”

You cry too, holding him tight against you. “I know, baby,” you whisper, voice breaking. “I know.”

---

Spencer’s mostly nonverbal for his intake process. Whether it’s by choice or not is something you’re unsure of. In a private room a few hallways away from the main ward, you’re introduced to the admissions supervisor, Susan, whose voice you recognize from the phone calls you’d made to get him into one of the beds here. You also meet Spencer’s new therapist, Lara. She has a kind face and seems to have a good sense of humor. You just hope Spencer will like her.

You’re both given paperwork to read through and sign, as he’s on your health insurance now. Naturally, he’s done with them before you’ve finished the first page. Susan is taken aback. “Oh. Um, sir, we do need you to actually read this paperwork,” she says.

Spencer folds his arms and stares down at the carpet. “I did.”

“He, uh, he can speed read,” you explain. She still looks skeptical, so you add, “I’m serious. He reread War and Peace on the drive here.”

He doesn’t talk again until everything’s in order and you’re given five minutes alone to say goodbye. “I don’t want to do this,” he whispers.

“Is it okay if I touch you?” you ask. When he nods, you pull at his arms gently until they relax and fall open, then take one of his hands and squeeze it. “I don’t want to, either. I’m so tired of being away from you. But...” You take a deep breath. “But I also don’t want to bury you. You know this is what you need, right?”

He shrugs, refusing to meet your eyes. You can’t quite tell what that means—whether he agrees but wishes that wasn’t the case, or if he’s only doing this to appease you. You hope it’s the former. While it’s a possibility that this might not work either way, you feel like that’s more likely to happen if he isn’t doing this for himself as well, if he doesn’t want to get better.

But it’s out of your hands now. All you can do is trust in the people here to take care of him and that they want what’s best for him.

You put your hand on his cheek and turn his head towards you, trying to get him to look at you. His words from that night run through your head—I really believed you loved me. When he glances up, you seize the moment.

“I love you, Spencer. So much. If there’s just one thing you can trust in right now, please let it be that,” you plead.

He sniffles and you think you see a nod from him, but you can’t be sure. And it hurts a bit—you’re not used to him not saying “I love you” back. You can’t dwell on that now, though. You’ve only got a few minutes left before you have to leave him.

You stand, pulling him up with you. “Can I hu—” you start, but you’re cut off by him lunging forward and clinging to you. You comfort him as best as you can, running one hand up and down his back and using the other to cradle the back of his head as he cries into your neck, muttering incomprehensible words against your skin.

When the door opens, his entire body tenses against you. “Spencer,” you say gently, trying to stop your voice from wavering too much. “You have to let go now.”

He doesn’t budge. If anything, he holds onto you tighter. “Baby—“ you start.

“No,” he says suddenly, his voice louder than you’ve heard it in days. “No, I can’t—I won’t—”

Before you know it, he’s twisted around to stand behind you. You open and close your mouth a few times, startled and unsure what to say. “Spencer, what—what’s wrong?”

“No,” he repeats, shaking his head. “I can’t do it again. I—I won’t.” Then he starts to rub at one of his eyes in the way you’ve seen so many times since he came home from prison and it hits you—he feels like he’s getting locked up again.

A glance at the door shows expressions of sympathy on Susan and Lara’s faces. What with the “war on drugs” sending addicts to prison, this probably isn’t the first time they’ve seen a reaction like this.

You doubt any of their previous patients were framed for murder and had their mother kidnapped by a vengeful psychopath, though.

Spencer’s entire body is trembling when you look back at him, and it’s not from the lingering withdrawal symptoms. It’s heartbreaking, but it only affirms your belief that he needs to be here. It’s clear that he can’t tolerate what he feels and what he knows without turning to self-destructive coping mechanisms.

“Take me home,” he whimpers. “Take me home, please. I want to go home.”

You swallow hard. “I can’t.”

“But they’re gonna hurt me,” he cries. “They’re gonna hurt me because I hurt them; don’t you care if I get hurt?”

You think you know what he’s talking about. You don’t know the details—Spencer wouldn’t let Emily or JJ tell you—but you do know he was hurt in prison by the other inmates. You had seen the bruises yourself. And then you’d heard that some of the inmates were poisoned. He’s a graduate chemist—you’d put it together. You don’t know why he did it, but you assume that he hadn’t had much of a choice.  

“They’re not here, Spencer.” You try to stop him from scratching so hard at his eyes, but he flinches at your touch. “They’re not here; they can’t hurt you anymore,” you repeat instead.

Lara comes up to your side. “Let us take care of him, okay?”

Oh, but you don’t want to. Spencer’s so upset and you can’t bear the thought of leaving him like this, not when all you want to do is hold him and never let go. It’s what you’ve wanted since the moment he stepped out of Millburn. But isn’t this the whole point of bringing him here? You can’t help him on your own. You have to let him go.

When Lara coaxes you to take a step back, Spencer makes the most awful, wounded noise. “Don’t leave me, please,” he begs. “Don’t leave me again.”

You press the back of your hand to your mouth to hold back a sob. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” you manage to say. “And I’ll visit you as soon as I can.”

“No, it’s not o—okay,” he protests, his voice breaking. “It’s not—I—” He presses his hands into his eyes and backs up until he’s in the corner. He drops to the floor and curls up, hugging his knees to his chest and burying his face in them.

Susan is able to get you to take a few more steps back; Lara takes a step forward, in Spencer’s direction.

“Um, don’t—don’t touch him,” you stutter out, desperate to help somehow. “It’ll—it’ll just make it worse.”

“I won’t,” she assures you. And she doesn’t—instead she sits on the floor several feet away from him; not close enough to be threatening but not far enough that he’d be completely unaware of her presence. It makes you feel a little better, because that’s what you do for him at home.

You let Susan guide you out of the room and to the entrance. “He’ll be okay,” she tells you as you walk. “This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, and Lara’s fantastic. It’s actually a good opportunity to start building therapeutic rapport.”

You just nod as she talks, not quite listening to what she’s saying. You just keep thinking of his face when you took a step away from him, and how small his voice sounded. It’s a storm of emotions inside of you, but among them is... relief. You don’t have to worry about keeping him safe anymore.

Leaving him in that room, terrified, surrounded by people he doesn’t know, is one of the hardest things you’ve ever done. You just hope it will be worth it.

---

It’s Spencer’s thirty-sixth birthday. You have the day off, but the alarm still sounds early in the morning. You rub your eyes and stretch, trying to shake off the sleepiness. You were up late last night, looking through the entire apartment just one more time for anything you could have missed.

It’s something you’ve done half a dozen times since he was admitted. You haven’t found any needles or Dilaudid since the first time, but you keep doing it anyways. For some reason, when you were feeling anxious about... well, everything, it would calm you down.

You can’t stop yourself from checking once more before you leave to pick him up—though not as thoroughly since you don’t have the time. You just check his hiding places—the desk drawer with the false bottom, the pair of socks he hates that stay in the back of his sock drawer, the gun safe (he’d told you the code years ago just in case and hasn’t changed it since, more worried about you being in danger and needing it than you finding things he doesn’t want you to), and the two hollowed out books at the back of two different bookshelves.

You want to believe that even if there were anything there, he wouldn’t go looking for it anymore, but you aren’t there yet. He’s been in treatment just shy of six weeks, and it’s been up and down. Two steps forward has always seemed to be accompanied by one step back.

While he usually thrived on routine, the enforced structure of the treatment facility would remind him of Millburn multiple times a day. It took the better part of two weeks for him to adjust to it. The first time you visited him, he had curled up in your arms and cried about it, saying that he was barely sleeping because he didn’t feel safe and that he just wanted to go home.

It didn’t help that he didn’t get along with his roommate. Spencer found him to be too loud, complaining to you multiple times that he always wanted to talk during quiet time. Apparently he was also working on his GED, and would constantly ask him for answers to his homework. “I wouldn’t mind helping him, but he just wants me to give him the answers instead,” he’d told you. So Spencer had just tried to ignore him.

But his patience had finally snapped a few weeks ago when his roommate drank both his own and Spencer’s shampoo in a suicide attempt, because he’d “read somewhere that shampoo was toxic.” Spencer had yelled at him, calling him a “fucking idiot”, among other things (they were promptly separated). His roommate was fine in the end—he just threw up a lot. But he was permanently moved to a different room, to both you and Spencer’s relief.

Spencer had a meltdown the next night, though, when it was time to shower. He had been given replacement shampoo from the treatment center’s supplies, but he didn’t like the smell and couldn’t stand the texture, so he’d refused to take a shower. That then resulted in him losing points for not following the structure. (Points were given for good behavior and meeting goals, and were mainly how privileges were earned.)

Naturally, Spencer had protested that this wasn’t fair, that it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t have shampoo that he could use. He’d been told that these were the rules, and he wouldn’t be given an exception. In response, Spencer had thrown the shampoo across the room, thrown himself onto his bed, buried his head under his pillow, and refused to talk to anyone.

But that night ended up marking a turn for the better in his treatment. He hadn’t responded when shift change happened and one of the night staff, Matt, checked in on him—in fact, he hadn’t moved at all. When he’d said, “tell me if there’s anything I can do to help you feel better”, Spencer had had no intention of taking him up on it.

A couple of hours later, though, when everything was quiet and he couldn’t sleep because he felt sticky and dirty from not showering, he wandered out into the commons area, holding his favorite blanket from home around himself. When asked what he needed, he’d shrugged, because he didn’t know what he needed, besides his old shampoo, and there wasn’t much to be done about that at midnight.

“I heard you had a rough time this evening,” Matt had said.

Spencer nodded absently, looking at everything but the two of them sitting on the couches.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head.

“Okay,” Matt had replied. “Well, you can sit out here with us for a little while if you want. How’s ten minutes sound?”

Spencer had shrugged again, but sat down on the corner of the couch, pulling his legs up against his chest. He pressed his nose into the fabric of the blanket and breathed in deeply. He’d held off on washing it since got here because it smelled like you. It was comforting, and he felt himself relax some. Then, without thinking about it consciously, he opened his mouth... and talked.

He started with the shampoo incident. His voice had raised an octave and hot tears stung his eyes as he talked about how much he hated the replacement shampoo and how he felt that he was being treated unfairly by people who didn’t understand why it bothered him so much. And then he had just... kept going. He didn’t talk about specifics—he said he was framed and wrongly incarcerated, then went straight to everything that had happened since he got home. He talked about losing his job and his first relapse because of that. He talked about how he couldn’t seem to stop going back. He talked about your ultimatum and his two weeks living out of his car.

When he finally stopped, he was breathing heavily and exhausted, but he felt... lighter. It was like the dam burst. The next morning, he started talking, really talking, to his therapist. When you came by that evening to bring him new shampoo, he’d told you all about what had happened, sparing no detail. To say it shocked you was an understatement—he hadn’t been so open with you since Mexico.

The two weeks since had gone well. There were a few bumps, but otherwise he was improving, and he’d been able to earn a day visit for his birthday.

Spencer looks... good when you see him. He’s fully dressed, wearing the cardigan he knows you like the best, and it no longer looks baggy on him. He’d come back from prison a little underweight, and it had only gotten worse since. But he’s been steadily gaining it back here thanks to sobriety and regular meals. He’s got his satchel across his shoulder but he isn’t clinging to it protectively and the way he rocks up on the balls of his feet appears to be excited rather than nervous. It looks like he may have even run a brush through his hair for once.

Then he sees you, and the smile that spreads across his face... he looks like himself again. Your smile back is so big that it probably looks goofy, but you don’t care.

He hugs you as soon as you’re close enough. It’s tight, but he’s not clinging to you like you’ve grown accustomed to over the past six weeks, which you think can only be a good thing—he’s not feeling insecure or unsafe anymore.

“Happy birthday,” you say. “You look really nice.”

“Really?” he asks. “Because I got up a little early to get ready, but I didn’t shave since I’d have to check out my razor and that’s a hassle, and if you don’t like it, that’s fine. I’m not really sure myself—”

“Spencer, I don’t mind the facial hair at all,” you interrupt. “You look great. I mean it.”

He glances away shyly, his cheeks turning a little pink. “Thanks,” he murmurs.

You both sign the checkout paperwork and head out. Spencer insists on holding your hand the entire time. When you get to the car and start to let go, he tightens his grip instead and pulls you closer to him. “(Y/N).”

“Yes?”

He hesitates just slightly before placing his other hand on your cheek. “Can I kiss you?” he asks softly.

You blink, realizing that it’s been a long while since you’ve kissed. And just like that, you’re aching for his lips on yours. “Please do.”

Spencer lets your hand go then. Cradling your head in both of his hands now, he leans in and kisses you so gently. You soak it in, feeling warm inside as something you didn’t realize you were missing returns to you. When he pulls back, he looks more at peace than you’ve seen him in months.

You just look at each other for a bit. Eventually, you place a kiss on his cheek and say, “We should go before we get in trouble for loitering.”

He wants to hold your hand whenever he can on the drive home, and you let him. He tells you how his week has been going—someone in his group therapy is graduating the program in a few days, and they’ve started a new project in art therapy. You knew about the art project already, since he’d spent half of his phone time on Monday telling you how much he didn’t want to make a pottery project because he can’t stand how the clay feels on his hands when it dries. But you’ve always loved to listen to him talk, so you don’t remind him of this.

As you’re getting off the freeway fifteen minutes later, you tap the back of his hand twice to signal that you have something to say. He pauses in his infodump about the history of pottery so you can speak. “I’ve got a few presents for you at home, but I was thinking we could go to the bookstore and you can pick out some more things?”

He makes a happy humming noise. “That sounds great! There’s something I want to read up on.”

He veers off to the nonfiction section when you enter his favorite bookstore; you idly browse your favorite section as you wait. When he returns to your side, he’s holding a stack of five books, all on the same subject.

“Horses,” you say.

He nods enthusiastically, his hair bouncing. “I’m starting an equine therapy program next week.”

“Oh, that’s cool. I hope it goes well.” You don’t know much about horse therapy—seems like that’s going to be what you read about on your phone in bed tonight while you wait for sleep to come.

Spencer’s quiet on the car ride home, content to flip through his new books. He doesn’t notice when you park the car; you have to touch his arm to get his attention.

“What?” he asks without taking his eyes off of the full color spread of a mustang in his lap.

“We’re home,” you point out. With how many times he’s told you he wants to go home in the past weeks, you expect him to be excited, but he’s not. He tenses when he looks up and sees the building in front of you. “What’s wrong, Spencer?”

“Um...” He fiddles with the book’s dust jacket. “There’s... there’s not a surprise party waiting for me inside, is there?”

“Oh. No, there’s not. Just a few balloons and little banner. You, uh...” you wince a little as something occurs to you. “You weren’t wanting one, were you?”

“Absolutely not,” he immediately replies.

You chuckle a little at his certainty. “Well, good. Because I had a hell of a time convincing Penelope not to throw you a birthday party, and I don’t know if she’d ever forgive me if it turned out I was wrong and you did, in fact, want a party.”

That gets a small laugh out of him; your heart leaps at the sound. It’s been far too long since you’ve heard that.

He seems a little apprehensive as you unlock the front door, and when he walks in, he stays standing on the living room rug for a while, his eyes traveling from one side of the room to another, looking over everything. “It looks the same,” he says eventually.

“Were you expecting it not to be?” you ask.

“I don’t know,” he answers, running his fingers across one of the seams of his satchel. “It’s not that I thought you would change anything, it’s more like... I feel so much different than I did the last time I was here that it’s kind of strange to see that everything’s just like I remember it.”

You’re reminded of the last time he was standing still in the living room like this, stick-thin, dirty, and trembling from withdrawals. “Different in a good way, I hope,” you say, nervously fussing with the pile of presents on the coffee table.

He gives you a small smile. “Yes, in a good way,” he affirms softly. He notices the presents and scrunches his eyebrows. “I thought you said you only had a few presents here.”

“Most of these are from the team,” you explain. “Emily brought them by last night. They had to fly out this morning, but she wanted you to have them on your birthday.”

“Oh.” He raises his hand and it looks like he might rub at his eye but he presses his knuckles to his mouth instead. You can’t really tell what’s going on in his mind. You figure his feelings towards his team are complicated. On the one hand, they got him out of the prison, and he’s known some of them for over a decade. On the other, he wasn’t allowed to rejoin the BAU and the whole experience had made him feel humiliated. You think he wants to see them, but he also doesn’t; he’s stuck in the middle and can’t decide.

Either way, it doesn’t matter today. It’s his birthday and you want him to have a good one, so you redirect his attention. You sit on the couch and pat the spot next to you. “Will you show me your new books?”

The corners of his mouth turn up and he pads across the floor towards you. “Yeah. So, here’s what I’ve learned so far....”

The day continues in much the same fashion—quiet and laidback as you simply enjoy each other’s company. Once he shows you all of the books, you move on to the TV, catching up on the episodes of Doctor Who you’ve both missed (you didn’t want to watch it without him). You order his favorite takeout for dinner, after which you bring out his dessert—half a dozen chocolate frosting and sprinkles donuts arranged in a circle around two candles displaying 36.

“You know, it’s not really sanitary to blow all over food before sharing it,” he says.

You roll your eyes fondly. “We go over this every year. We kiss; I’m not worried about your mouth germs.”

“But it’s not just my “mouth germs”,” he corrects, making air quotes with his fingers. “It involves the entire respiratory track, so—”

“Spencer, as always, it’s a risk I’m willing to take,” you interrupt. You’ve heard this explanation before. “Now make a wish.”

He takes a moment to ponder it, then blows the candles out. You put the plate down and hand him a napkin. “We’re not going to be able to eat all of these before I have to go back,” he says, but the way he bites eagerly into the first one nearly makes you question that.

He gets through two; you only eat one, mostly full from dinner. He wants to go lay down on the bed after, “so we have more room to cuddle”. And cuddle he does, pressing as much of his body to yours as he can. One of your hands settles in his hair automatically. “Did you have a good day?” you ask, running your fingers through it.

“Mm-hmm.”

“Obviously this situation is not ideal,” you start carefully. “But I’m just so happy that you’re still... well, around for your birthday.”

Spencer turns his head into the fabric of your shirt and breathes in deeply. “Me, too,” he says quietly on the exhale.

You lay together in silence for a while, and you savor the feeling of having him in bed next to you again. Sleeping alone wasn’t anything new in your relationship, as his job took him around the country. You’d gotten used to it for the most part, but every night he wasn’t with you because he was in prison was just plain awful. After, you had him back for six weeks, then it became sporadic again as he started using. It’s been so much easier to sleep since he went into treatment, but you still miss sharing the bed with him terribly.

You look at your phone briefly to check the time. “We’ve got about three hours until we have to start heading back. I’m happy to stay like this, but we still have time to do something else if you want to.”

All he says verbally is, “okay”, but the way he squirms against you tells you that he does have something on his mind.

“Just let me know if you do,” you say gently; you don’t want him to feel pressured into speaking. Plus you’re content to lay here playing with his hair and listening to his breathing.

“Well, there is something,” he admits after a few minutes.

He doesn’t continue, so you say, “Okay. What is it?”

He sighs and sits up. “It’s... it’s nothing bad, or—or even that big of a deal, really. At least, it shouldn’t be.”

You push yourself up into a sitting position next to him. “Well, why don’t you tell me so I can help?” you ask. “I can tell that it’s bothering you.”

“That’s exactly the point. It shouldn’t be bothering me,” Spencer complains. “Because I really want to do it. It’s just...”

You put your hand on his back and run it up and down to try and comfort him. You don’t say anything; you just give him time to get the words out.

He takes a deep breath. “I want to have sex,” he says. “I really do, I’m just... not entirely sure I’m... ready yet.”  

“Oh.”

It’s not where you expected the conversation to go, because it’s something that hasn’t really been in your life at all since Mexico. He’d... taken care of you a few times during those first six weeks, but hadn’t let you return the favor. Each time he had scurried off to the bathroom and run a cold shower before you could even touch the waistband of his pants. Then on the night he came back to you, you had been helping him undress since his hands were trembling so much. When you unbuttoned his pants, he had breathed in sharply and frantically pushed your hands away.

Clearly something had happened to him, but he’d never even alluded to anything of the sort. And that was okay—you didn’t need to know. You just wished you knew how to help.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s stupid,” he says, running his hands down his face.

“Oh, baby, no,” you soothe. “It’s not stupid at all.”

He just shakes his head. “You deserve more than this.”

“I don’t know about that. But,” you continue, pushing his hair back so you can see his face better, “I do know what I want, and what I want is you.”

Spencer chews on his bottom lip, doubt clouding his eyes. “Look at me,” you implore. He meets your gaze hesitantly and you take his face in your hands.

“I love you, Spencer Reid. And nothing is going to change that.”

His eyes grow wet. He sniffles once, then lunges forward, capturing your lips with his own. You kiss him back just as passionately, holding onto him as tight as he is to you. It may have been a long time since you kissed at all until this morning, but it’s been even longer since he’s kissed you like this.

“Love you, too, (Y/N),” he mumbles against your lips when he pulls back to take a breath.

You press your forehead to his with a happy sigh. But he’s only content to stay like that for a few moments. He bumps your nose with his and tugs slightly on your shirt, requesting permission to kiss you again. You’d love to do that, and you’d love to do more than that, too, but you don’t want him to rush into something he’s not truly ready for.

“You know what we could do?” you ask, running your hand through the curls on the back of his neck.

Spencer’s eyes keep flicking between yours and your lips. “What?”

“A good old-fashioned high school make out,” you say, smiling at him softly. “And I’ll keep my hands above your waist.”

When he visibly relaxes, you know it’s the right decision. “I’d like that,” he says quietly. “I mean, I never kissed anyone when I was in high school, but I get the idea.”

The shy look he gives you before climbing onto your lap reminds you so much of how he was when you first started dating. He’s still there, your Spencer, the Spencer you fell in love with. You never truly thought he was gone, but there were plenty of moments of doubt, moments when you wondered if he’d ever be able to pull himself out of the wreckage, out of the grip of trauma. As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t do it for him.

As it turns out, he could. He can.

It’s far from over. He still has a long way to go. You both do. But for the first time since the day he came home from prison, a return to normal seems possible.

It won’t be the same as it was before. He’s always going to be a little different. But... that doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing.

He kisses you, and it feels like it used to, full of respect, adoration, trust, and love. It feels like Spencer.

Despite everything, it’s still him.

---------------

tell me what you thought here!

if you made it this far, thank you so much for reading. this was very much a personal work but i decided to share it anyways because why the hell not, i'm proud of it. the next chapter will explore horse therapy, a treatment i did and loved, among other things.

i'd like to encourage you please seek this kind of help if you think need it. i see how it changes lives every day at work and it changed my own as well. there's no shame in getting the treatment you need, whatever that may be. recovery is worth it.

if you’re interested in learning more about trauma and the treatment of it, i cannot recommend the book The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D., enough. it was my favorite book i read last year and i referred back to it several times while writing this.

[winterscaptain]

fear itself.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader

a/n: part two of the 100 arc! this installment covers the events of faceless, nameless. i am living for the feedback! please keep it coming. i can’t wait to hear what you think as we go through this (very emotionally wrought) section.

an ajf fic arc that happily stands on its own! one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten | eleven

words: 4.5k warnings: canon-typical violence, language, hospital setting

summary: four hours of sleep and aaron’s missing. what else could go wrong?

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | requests closed!

4:02am “Just got home, so I’m calling like you asked. Shoot me a text when you get back to the apartment, if you aren’t already asleep. Call me when you’re up and we can work on that Nebraska consult, maybe in the early afternoon? Goodnight. Sleep well.”

8:13am “Hey, it’s me. I know I’m not supposed to be worried about you, but we were called in a half hour ago and you’re still not here...so...give me a call when you get this. Bye.”

8:48am “Hey, it’s me, checking in again. You’re probably still asleep, but I’ve never known you to sleep more than seven hours...so if I don’t hear from you by eleven I’ll drag you out of bed myself.”

9:51am “We’re headed to the crime scene. Garcia’s sent you the address. I know JJ’s been calling you too, so just...I dunno? Call us back? Bye.”

10:20am “If you’re getting these and ignoring me, I hope you know you’re taking years off my life right now.”

11:08am “Um...Call me back. I’m starting to worry. Well...not starting. I’ve been worried. But I’m getting...really worried.” 

11:37am “Aaron please call me and let me know you’re alright. You’re scaring me.”

+++

Needless to say, it’s been a weird day. Why you expected anything else after that wretched Canada case and four hours of sleep, you have no idea. 

You had a horrible dream last night, on top of everything else. The image of Aaron broken and bleeding beside you hadn’t left your mind since it first appeared in Foyet’s kitchen. You tried to shake it off every time, but it was persistent. 

We’ll worry about that later. 

You check the time again, trying to ignore the weird feeling in your gut. 

Where is he? 

Your phone rings and your heart leaps. Guilt (and a little bit of embarrassment) pricks at you when you’re disappointed to see Emily’s name on your phone. You answer. 

“You have to get down here.” Her voice isn’t frantic, per se, but the urgency is undeniable. 

“What’s going on?” 

She takes a breath. “I just got off the phone with Garcia - I have crime scene techs and SWAT on the way to Hotch’s apartment, and I need you here.” 

All the blood in your body seems to rush into your head, and you lean heavily on the nearest object - the dining room table. “What?”

“I - I don’t know. All his stuff is here and there's -” She stutters for a second. “There’s blood on the carpet, broken glass, and a bullet hole in the wall by the kitchen. No Hotch.” 

An eerie kind of calm washes over you, and you straighten, making eye contact with Derek. “Okay. Let me just -”

Derek gets a call, but keeps his eyes on you. “What’s goin’ on, Baby Girl?...What do you mean ‘Emily just called SWAT to Hotch’s apartment’ what -“

You break his gaze as he nods at you and turns to the rest of the team. “Emily, I’ll be right there. Don’t go anywhere.” 

+++

You make it to the hospital with Emily. You flash your credentials and it gets you exactly where you want to go. 

When you see him, your breath catches. He looks awful - drawn and small and wrapped in what seems like miles of gauze. Emily grabs your arm, but you’re not sure if it's for her benefit or yours. 

This is, after all, your worst nightmare come to life. A little chill crawls up your spine. This whole thing has you feeling six different kinds of scared. 

The nurse lets you into his room, telling you he’ll be out for another hour, at least. “He needs the rest.”

Emily leaves you to retrieve coffee. You take the opportunity to sit beside him and slide your hand under his, careful not to disturb the IV. Your hand shakes - whether from anxiety, fear, fury, or all of the above, you’re not sure. 

“If you die, Aaron Hotchner, I’ll kill you.”

You hear a little laugh from the doorway and you pull your hand from him. Emily shakes her head, two cups of coffee in her hands. “You’re fine. I'm not going to tattle.”

You squint. “Tattle?”

She rolls her eyes. “You’re so clueless it’s almost cute, but he’s worse.” She throws her head toward Hotch with a fond smile, handing you your cup of coffee.

+++

The rest of the team arrives in a flurry a little while later, and the nurse has to warn them off as Aaron starts to wake. 

They quiet down, surrounding his bedside. You haven’t moved, making it your mission to keep your eyes on him at all times. 

His eyes flutter before closing again. “Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital,” you say, keeping your voice quiet and steady despite the tightness in your chest. 

“How did I get here?”

Derek gets that one. “Foyet drove you.” 

Aaron takes a breath. It’s shaky, and you imagine he’s in a lot of pain. Emily leans forward, looking for his eyes. “Can you remember what happened?”

He tells you, slowly, about how Foyet broke into the apartment, waited until he was home with his guard down, fired a shot, and then...He trails off. A heavy breath leaves him. “What did he take?”

You have an answer. “There was a page missing from your day planner, the Bs from the address section.” 

He closes his eyes and his breath grows faster, his heart rate increasing. After a moment, he collects himself and asks Emily, “What did he leave?”

“I don’t know.” 

“He also leaves something with his victims.”

Emily shakes her head. “I looked through your entire apartment. Nothing felt out of place.”

“Where are my clothes?”

“Right here.” You reach over, grabbing the bag and removing his bloody shirt with only the barest moment of hesitation. He reaches for the envelope of his personal effects and you press it into his hand, saving him the effort. 

Tears prick at your eyes as you watch his hands shake, opening his wallet. He’s eerily quiet, and you catch a glimpse of a photo, tucked into the fold. 

Haley and Jack. There’s blood on it. You recognize it from the desk in his home office space. 

No. 

Aaron’s come to the same conclusion, falling back on the pillows with a look you can only describe as defeated. It scares you. You swallow, pushing your tears back. 

That’s the last thing he needs right now. 

“Haley’s maiden name is Brooks. I always listed her in the Bs in my personal information in case it fell into the wrong hands.” Your hand, like JJ’s, has fallen over your mouth. 

Oh. 

Of course. 

Of course, he keeps her under Brooks. All he wants to do is keep her safe. 

You hope, one day, that someone will love you that much, will want to protect you with the same ferocity, will think of you before anything else. 

You could only be so lucky. 

He swallows and continues. “He knows where they live.”

Derek makes assignments. You’re to stay right where you are, while the rest focus on locating Haley and Jack. 

When it’s just the two of you, he closes his eyes again. “I don’t know what I’m going to do if -”

“They’ll find her. They’ll find Jack. They’ll be safe.”

You have to believe it, too. They’re too important to you, to central to your life, now 

He shakes his head, his eyes cracking open. “Why didn’t I just take the deal?” Clearing his throat, he continues, his voice a little stronger, but still rough. “He told me I should have. I never thought -” He cuts himself off.

You hand him a cup of water, and he takes it gratefully. Idly, you note he hasn’t looked you in the eye yet. 

“Do you want an answer to your question?”

He doesn’t answer you, looking across the room. 

You lean into his eye line. “You didn’t take the deal because you have the most integrity of anyone I’ve ever known. Anything he does is on him. It’s not on you.” 

“But,” his voice breaks and the smallest of tears falls out of his eye. It tracks down his temple until you gently wipe it away with your thumb. “But I could have stopped all of this.” 

“No,” you whisper. Your hand lingers on the side of his face. “No. He’ll be this way wherever he goes. The only way you change that is by catching him, Hotch.” 

He finally looks at you, his brown eyes exhausted, hurting, and bloodshot. You card your fingers through the hair at his temple, putting the oxygen cannula back over his ear. Soon, he closes his eyes again, his vitals evening out as he falls asleep. 

“We’ll get him, Aaron.”

A few tense minutes later, your phone buzzes in your pocket. When you see the caller ID, a shot of adrenaline zings around your body. “Haley?”

Your name is a sigh of relief in her mouth. “SWAT scared the hell out of me and I just - I don’t know.”

“Oh, Haley I’m so sorry. I should have gone over there with the team but -“ Derek knew my stress wouldn’t be useful. 

“No, no. It’s fine. They’re getting Jack from a friend’s house, but they told me what’s going on. I’ll see you when I get to the hospital. I just -“ She laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “I just freaked out.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll see you soon.”

“I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

Your heart pulls. “I love you, too.” 

She hangs up, and you stuff your phone back in your pocket. 

Aaron wakes again when you pull a case file from your bag, but you’re not sure it’s your doing.

Shit. 

He looks around a little frantically for a moment, still disoriented. You rise and cross the room, finding one of his hands. 

“Hotch, it’s okay. You’re still in the hospital.” 

“Haley?”

You nod. “They got her. She’s safe and she’s on her way with Jack.” 

He finally relaxes, sinking back down into the pillows. “Thank you.”

You nod and resume your place on the other side of the room, patting the back of his hand as you let him go. He’s quiet, if not a little fidgety. You look at him for a minute. He takes a talking breath. 

“After the first one, it kind of goes blank.” His breath is still a little unsteady, and you take your chair next to his bed again. “There were nine, apparently.” 

Your breath catches. It’s not new information, but it’s still raw, sharp-edged. 

Awful.

He swallows. “He taunted me.” His eyes beg you to understand, to keep him from flying off the rails. 

“He’s a bastard, Aaron.”

He levels you with a withering stare. No shit. 

“I know you know that, but it’s worth repeating.”

“I don’t want -“

You interrupt him, knowing exactly where he’s going. “You’re not going to become a victim. You aren’t a victim.”

“I don’t want Haley to -“ 

You press a hand to his arm, mindful of his bandages. “One day at a time. They’re safe today.”

His lip quivers and his voice leaves him in a whisper. “That’s not good enough.”

+++

Eventually, Haley arrives looking a little worse for wear. 

Her haircut’s really cute. 

The thought almost makes you laugh. 

Of all the things to notice...

You startle a little as you remember where you are and rise, ready to give them space. She waves you off, giving you permission to stay. 

“How do you feel?” She asks. 

Aaron sits up a little more, not without effort, and says, “I’m gonna be okay.” 

That’s not what she asked, stupid. 

He continues. “Did they explain to you what’s happening?”

She nods. “They said the marshal's service is taking us straight from here and putting us into protective custody.” Her eyes meet yours, and you dip your chin. She’s right. 

Aaron apologizes to Haley for the first of what you imagine will be many times. 

Her lower lip disappears between her teeth. “Do you know where they’re gonna take us?”

“No,” you answer. “We don’t. And that’s the point.” 

“I can’t know where you’re going,” Aaron adds. “If you have any contact with anyone, he can track you.”

That shocks her a little, and you can see she’s getting upset. “Jack has school. He has friends. I have a job now. I have -” She cuts herself off. 

“I know.” He levels a steady, solemn gaze upon her. “And I’m sorry. We will catch him and you’ll come back.”

She looks at you again. “Are you sure we’re in danger?” 

You nod, almost imperceptibly, and Hotch answers. “Yes.” 

“And what about you? Are you gonna be safe?”

There it is. 

She does love him. 

You knew that, of course. Seeing them together during visits at home or out to dinner or otherwise in the presence of that other, that was never in question.

Your heart tugs. 

Twenty-five years... 

“He wants to see me suffer. Knowing that my son is out there and that I can’t see him is better than killing me.”

Haley wets her lips and swallows. 

That’s her tell. 

You figure she’ll burst into tears pretty soon. It was only a matter of time, and you don’t blame her in the least. You’ve had tears threatening you all afternoon, and this wasn’t even happening to you. 

“Jack wants to see you.”

Aaron’s jaw gets a little tight. “I want to see him, too. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

You hear what he can’t say, too. I don’t want to scare him. I don’t want him to see me like this. 

“Look,” she says, exasperated. “I know you’re trying to protect him, but you both need this. Please.”

He nods, resigned. “Okay.”

Haley looks over and offers you a shaky smile, trying to break the tension. “He also asked me if you’d be here. He’ll be thrilled.” 

That almost does you in. “So will I,” you tell her, meaning every syllable. 

With another brisk nod and wipe of her face, she leaves the room to retrieve Jack. Aaron sits up a little straighter and you help him. He tries to suppress his wince, but fails. 

“Do you need another round?” 

He shakes his head. “I’ll be fine.”

“Just let me know.” You settle back into the corner, the case file in your lap. 

Haley and Jack return, and she brings him to Aaron’s side, lifting him up onto the bed. 

Aaron meets his eyes and tells him that he’s okay, giving him a little preparing for what’s about to happen. “But, what do I tell you whenever I go away?”

“That you love me.” 

You hide your face, looking out the window as tears finally fall from your eyes. Haley’s eyes are on you and you know it. You wipe at your face and take a quiet breath before turning back, pretending to pay attention to the case in your lap. 

In your periphery, you can see Aaron looking over Jack’s face as if to memorize it, as if he doesn’t already know every plane, every curve, every angle of his son’s face. “More than anything in the world.” 

They exchange a few more words before he brings him close and kisses his forehead. You glance up, and they look so alike in their profiles it almost makes you smile. Haley’s crying, too, and she meets your eyes. 

Something passes between you, but you don’t have a name for it. 

You don’t need one. 

Haley takes a breath and tucks her hair behind her ears. She redirects Jack’s attention to you, and his eyes light up. She helps him scramble off the bed and he books it around the bed to you. 

You close the case file and open your arms to him. “Hi, bud.” It’s hard not to scare him with the feverish way you hold him close, your fingers wound in his hair. 

There’s a failed attempt to avoid thinking about the uncertainty of the future, when you’ll see him again. 

If ever.

Stop. 

The pair of you lean back for a minute, and you brush his hair away from his forehead. 

“Are you going away, too?” He asks. 

You shake your head. “I’m gonna stay here with your dad.” 

“Are you going to keep my dad safe? I’m going to keep Mom safe.”

It’s Aaron who looks away this time. 

“Of course, my love.” You offer him something you hope looks like a smile. “We always keep each other safe. We’re a team, like you and your momma. I’m so proud of you.” You check in with Haley, who’s looking away, the back of her hand swiping at her cheek. When she turns back to you, you tilt your head a little. 

Want a minute? 

She nods. 

You stand, Jack still tucked against your chest. “I think,” you say, as he sits back in your arms, “Miss Emily and Miss JJ are back and might have something fun for you over there.” You tip your head toward the waiting room. “Wanna go see?”

He nods, leaning back into you and playing with your collar. You pat Aaron’s knee and squeeze Haley’s shoulder with your free hand as you pass. 

Aaron watches you go, your low murmuring comforts to Jack lost in the ambient hospital noise. When you find JJ and look back, giving him a small (if not a little watery) smile, he looks over at Haley, guilt closing up his throat. 

“I’m so sorry, Haley. I promise, when this is all over, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.” 

She gives him a half-smile and sits on the edge of his bed. She reaches for him, and he takes both of her hands in his. There’s silence for a moment as they sit together. She studies him. 

While it doesn’t bother him (she has been looking at him for nearly twenty-five years, after all), he does feel more exposed under her gaze than he’s used to. 

“You should do something about that, one of these days,” she says, looking over her shoulder. You’re still visible in the window, talking to JJ while Jack is still glued to you. His little arms are tight around your neck, his head tucked under your chin.

Aaron’s brow furrows, but the EKG picks up the increase in his heart rate, much to his embarrassment. “What are you talking about?”

Haley laughs, a light, watery, delicate thing, and turns back to him. It almost brings a smile to his face. “Do you think I don’t know what you look like when you’re head over heels, Aaron Hotchner? After eighteen years of marriage and twenty-five years knowing you? Give me a break.”

His jaw grows tight, but he holds her gaze. 

“You used to look at me like that, you know.” A little smile plays at her lips and she looks down, almost shy. “Still do, sometimes.” 

“I love you, Haley.” 

She squeezes his hand. “I know you do.” A sigh leaves her and she looks over her shoulder again, just catching a glimpse of you and JJ out in the hall with Jack as you go scavenging for something sweet. There’s a little smile at the corner of her mouth when she turns back to him. “You are so loved, Aaron.” 

“I don't…” He huffs, frustrated. “I don’t feel -”

“I’m not saying you have to do anything, but it might do you some good to just…” She sighs, throwing a hand up in a kind of searching gesture. “I don’t know, be honest with yourself. Think for a minute.” 

His teeth worry the inside of his lower lip as he thinks about it. He does care about you. But love? 

He thinks of the way his chest feels too small whenever you laugh, the way he always goes above and beyond to make sure you’re safe in the field, how he looks for you when you’re out of the room, how he looks for you when you’re in the room. 

The way you are with Jack brings him to his knees every time. The sound of his son’s laughter under your tickling fingers never fails to bring a smile to his face. 

You’ve helped him heal what seemed like an insurmountable chasm between him and Haley, and though it’s not perfect, it’s better than it would ever be without you. 

You always take a second to straighten his tie and ensure his suit jacket lays flat across his shoulders before leaving the plane, just like he always takes time to count the rounds in your magazines or tuck your tag back into your shirt collar. 

He always feels so warm under your fond and attentive touch. With a little bit of alarm, he hopes you feel the same under his. Safe. Cared-for. 

Loved. 

Oh. 

Oh no.

He knows the realization is clear on his face when Haley laughs again, surprising them both. She swipes at her eyes again, clearing any remaining tears. “You know, I can’t say I’m surprised you didn’t know, but it’s still funny, even with all this.” She shakes her head. “You haven’t changed much, have you?”

His face breaks out into a little smile as he looks back at her. “Oh, quit.” 

“I’ll never quit giving you hell, as long as we live.” Haley reaches out, pushing gently against his shoulder. He takes the shove like a champ, even through the ache in his chest and abdomen, thankful she’s not treating him like he’s made of glass. 

“Don’t I know it.” 

They look at each other for a minute before Aaron sobers, the mirth evaporating between them. He already misses her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for all of this. I’m hoping it’ll be...temporary.” 

“I do have a life, Aaron. And Jack…” She sighs and her eyes fill with tears again. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I wish there was another way to keep you safe, but -” He cuts himself off, knowing there’s nothing he can say. 

She swallows again. She already misses him. “How am I supposed to keep him safe when there’s nobody I know to help me?”

He sighs, but speaks with conviction. “Haley, you’re strong. You lived with me in this job and you’ve practically raised Jack all by yourself. You’re a great mother.” 

Haley’s actively crying now, trying to stem the tears with her fingers. It’s not working. After a moment, she collects herself. “Can you catch this man?”

“I will catch this man.”

+++

When she leaves Aaron’s room, you bring Jack to her. You take a moment to lightly fuss over them both. 

Her blue eyes find yours. “Take care of him, please?”

You nod. “I will.” 

“He needs you.” 

She says it with a simple kind of conviction that makes your chest pull. You put a hand on her shoulder, trying to communicate everything you can’t say into your touch. “He needs you more.” 

“No, he doesn’t.” Her lips twist in an odd sort of smile and she wraps you in a hug and kisses your cheek. “I’ll see you soon.” 

You hold her tight, Jack trapped (and whining a little) between you. “See you soon, Hales.” You pull back, looking deeply into her eyes. “We’ll get him.” 

The U.S. Marshals arrive, and you have to let go of each other. You press a kiss to Jack’s forehead and tell him you love him one more time, and wait until they’re in the car and out of sight before you break down. 

You don’t know where he came from, but Derek wraps around you, catching you before your knees hit the ground. You don't know what you’re crying about, really. 

It could be the overwhelming task of catching Foyet.

It could be Hotch in the room down the hall with nine stab wounds to his chest and abdomen. 

It could be the indefinite absence of your dear friend and her son - a boy you love more than anyone except maybe -

Nope. Don’t go there. Not now. 

Sobs wrack your chest, and your head hurts and your throat is sore by the time your body lets you breathe. 

Derek’s there the whole time, rubbing your back and keeping your face hidden in the crook of his neck and shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay, kiddo. It’ll be okay. He’s okay. We’re gonna catch this son of a bitch.” 

“It’s just so much, Derek.” 

He sighs. “I know. I know.”

+++

“Did you hear what happened this morning?”

You’re woken by Dave’s voice, coming from the doorway. Cramped and crunched into the corner of an uncomfortable chair, you stretch and what feels like every joint in your body cracks. 

“No.”

When did Aaron wake up? 

You look over at him and he glances at you before returning to Dave, who’s leaning on the door frame. 

“We had a situation. Unsub had already killed two people. Said he was gonna keep killing unless a man used his son as bait.”

“What happened?”

Good question. 

Belatedly, you realize you’ve neglected your case duties all day in favor of holding vigil over Aaron’s bedside. The weirdest part about it? The rest of the team let you. 

Why? 

“We kept the boy safe. Worked the profile. It was a happy ending.” 

That’s good, at least. One fucking happy ending today. 

It’s like Dave’s reading your mind as he asks Aaron, “Do you know why I’m telling you this?”

“Yes.” Aaron’s gaze is impassive, but there are universes behind his eyes. 

“No other group in the world could have pulled off what yours did in a matter of hours.” Dave checks in with you, and the corner of your mouth lifts. 

Sorry. 

He shakes his head just a little. No sweat, kid. You did your job.

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Dave, but -”

Dave cuts him off. “We’ll get Foyet.”

“I promised Haley I would get him. But the truth is, if he stops killing we have no way of tracking him. He stopped killing for ten years just for the pleasure of watching Shaunessy’s life fall apart.” 

He’s crying again, and your heart breaks. You’re surprised Dave can’t hear it crack all the way across the room. 

“What’s Jack going to remember about me in ten years?”

No. 

“Hotch, look at me.” You rise from your chair and sit on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb his position. He turns his head just so, his brown eyes locking onto yours. “We’ll get him. We will get him.”

We have to. 

+++

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[tatooedlaura-blog]

Interim

set somewhere around Unrequited, that interim time when fighting fear in the daylight is one thing but battling it alone in the dark is another ...

Our Moment Chapter 1: Five Words (post-Leonard Betts) Chapter 2: Sidebar Nonsense (post-Memento Mori) Chapter 3: Interim (floating somewhere around Unrequited)

@today-in-fic

&&&&&&&&&&

It had been a longer case than normal, draining in every sense of the word: physically, mentally and emotionally, but they were almost there, he could feel it. Finally seeing a connection, everybody moved, organized chaos, Mulder and Scully amongst the throng of officers storming the building, guns out, ready for anything.

As with everything they ever did, it wasn’t easy. The suspect ran, hid, fired, threatened, ran again, fired some more, was finally taken down by one of the local cops but there was a foot chase first, that had them all running, searching, wishing his ass would just collapse and die in the middle of the street.

But it was done and sooner rather than later, they were de-briefing in the conference room, getting their paperwork in order. Looking around for Scully, to ask her what his writing said, he saw a glimpse of her back as she disappeared out the door. Usually she would have said something about going so, instead of letting her be, which she probably wished he would, he stood to follow, excusing himself from the talking crowd.

Scanning the front parking lot, he didn’t see her but deciding he might as well enjoy the unseasonable warmth of a Tennessee winter, he turned left, following the sidewalk around the building. Another turn left and he spotted her, sitting on the hood of their rental, facing away, small, hidden by a sea of police vehicles and employee parked Fords and Chryslers. He measurably widened his stride when he noticed her hand held up to her face.

He could see the blood dripping from between her fingers and down onto the pavement. Making it to her side, he pulled out one of several handkerchiefs he’d taken to carrying in his pockets and held it out to her, “take this.”

They had a routine, he helped, she let him.

It wasn’t long before the handkerchief saturated, Mulder touching her shoulder, “I’ll be back in a second with something else.” Seeing her nod, he ran back to the front door, asking calmly for some towels and getting them almost immediately, thanks to the helpful front desk officer and his mad organizational skills. Heading back Scully’s way, he was breathing heavy by the time she took his offering and dropped the soggy handkerchief to the ground. “Is it slowing down any?” Muffled ‘yes’ reached his ears but behind the wadded green towel obscuring half her face, he saw her skin sallow, white and translucent, veins beneath a blue map of fear. Now in front of her, he rested his hands on her thighs, leaning forward to kiss her forehead, smelling the iron tang of blood four inches below his nose, “do you want to go to the hospital?”

“Probably but I’d really rather just lay down for a few minutes, then get some orange juice or something, anything with some sugar in it.”

One last kiss and he pulled away, hand off thigh and up to towel, holding it for her so she could put her arms down, which she was grateful for. Every few seconds he’d move and check, finally finding the flow had slowed to a trickle, then finally stopped all together. Gently wiping away the smears from her chin, “I need maybe another half hour inside, then we can go or I can drop you at the hotel and come back.”

Desperately wanting a bed, she shook her head, “if you could just go find me something to eat, I’ll stay out here and wait for you.”

As he held her elbow, watched her slide from car to ground, “are you sure you don’t want a hospital?”

“I really don’t but thank you.”

“Fair enough.” Soon, she was settled in her seat, tilted back, coat near in case she got cold, “I’ll be back in a few. Don’t go anywhere.”

Eyes already shutting, “I won’t.”

&&&&&&&&&&

Tossing out the browning handkerchief, he carrying the clean towel he still had back to the station, having left the other with Scully. Handing it back to the officer, “thank you. I think we’ll need to keep the other one so if you’ll let me know what I owe you for it, I’d appreciate it.”

Shaking his head, “they’re just shop towels. We have boxes of them in the back.”

“Thank you.”

“Did you need any help out there? Something happen with your car?”

Another shake of his head, “no, we’re fine but thanks.”

Mulder then headed back towards the room of officers, finding the meeting over and the chief watching him approach, “everything all right? I saw your partner go, then you.”

Needing to be blunt because she wouldn’t be back in to help them finish, “I’d like to keep this quiet but Agent Scully has a medical condition that caused severe nosebleeds and she felt one coming on so she left. She’s out in the car now and I need to get her some juice first, then I’ll be back to finish up our end of the paperwork.”

Everyone had been cooperative, treating them well and even now, instead of irritation, the chief showed genuine concern, “is she alright now? Do you need to take her to the hospital?”

Looking around quickly, “she actually has cancer and the most the hospital could do would give her some juice and remind her that this kind of thing will happen.”

The chief liked the pair of them and crossing his arms, attentive, “is she getting treatment?”

Mulder really didn’t want to talk about this anymore, his mind divided between juice, Scully, paperwork, and Scully, “she is but with her type of tumor, surgery isn’t an option and the treatments aren’t doing much.” Needing to extract himself before he began sobbing in the large man’s arms, he inhaled slowly, “but we deal with it. Do you have anything I can take out for her?”

Having lost his wife to cancer several years ago, the chief recognized the look in Mulder’s eyes and knowing to end the conversation, he nodded, “come with me.”

Soon, Scully had her juice and crackers, Mulder returning inside yet again, this time determined to finish everything in under 30 minutes. As he watched Scully drink, he could see her color wasn’t returning as quickly as it should and the vacant look in her eye told him to hurry the hell up.

Thirty-four minutes later, he was shaking hands with the chief, accepting the man’s ‘good luck and God bless’ before leaving for the last time, opening the driver side door and driving off, his partner asleep in the seat beside him and even though he would never tell a soul, he actually checked to make sure she was breathing before anything else.

That action would haunt his sleepless nights for weeks to come.

She stirred once the car hit a pothole and looking up at his, blinking, “are you done?”

“Yeah. I’m going to pick us up some food first, then I’ll get you home.”

“I’d like a cheeseburger, if possible.”

Bag of food in hand 10 minutes later, Scully was nearly asleep again by the time they got to the hotel. Getting out of the car, she stumbled her way directly to her door, leaving behind bag, coat, shoes, and food. Smiling as he gathered their things, he followed her through her still open room door, shutting it with his foot, “do you want to change first or eat?”

“Eat, please.” Holding her hand out, “sorry. I didn’t even think to grab the bag. I just thought door and bed.”

“I’m keeping track. Once you get better, you’ll be my slave for a few weeks and we’ll call it even.” Saying it with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, he handed her a napkin, “you’re gonna need this.”

Dinner was quick, inhaled more than chewed, Scully unfocused as she chewed, her body exhausted, her mind slow enough to allow sleep if she could just lay down. Halfway through her second burger, she suddenly put it down, “I need to go to sleep.” Mulder tossed her the pajamas from the top of her luggage and after quick changing in the bathroom, door open, who cared, she crawled under the covers, apologizing as she went, “I’m sorry. I just … I need to lay down.”

“It’s fine.” Continuing to eat at the small table, “I’ll clean this up when I’m done and go back to my room but I’d like to leave the door between us open, if that’s all right? If you need anything, you can just yell for me.”

She was already halfway to dreaming but pretty sure she mumbled ‘okay’, she stopped caring, her muscles relaxing, finally, horizontal so much better than vertical.

Good to his word, he ate, cleaned up, covered her better with her blankets, kissed her twice on the forehead, then disappeared next door, opening the door between their rooms enough to hear her but not enough to disturb with the light of the TV.

&&&&&&&&&&

Her clock read 11:52pm when she woke up. Groggy math concluded she’d been asleep for about five hours and rolling over, she saw the adjoining door open as promised, faint light fluttering from some late-night B-movie Sci-Fi flick no doubt. She tried to go back to sleep, but a restlessness had settled, her mind beginning to churn with thoughts she didn’t want and emotions she didn’t need. Another glance at the clock told her she’d killed six minutes.

God-dammit.

Standing, she shuffled her way over to the adjoining door, pulling her side open more, then slowly pushing his, standing for a moment, watching him read the book propped on his vee’d knees. Leaning on the frame, bringing back a rush of memories from their first night together, years ago, running request submitted and denied in the middle of the Oregon wilderness, she cleared her throat, causing him to turn in her direction but not startle, which she would question at another time. Once he’d focused in on her in the darkness, she asked quietly, “want to go for a drive?”

He was having the same flashbacks and tilting his head at her, “you okay?”

“Can we just … I want to get out of here for awhile … ignore my brain …” head now against the frame, “I woke up and now … … … yeah.”

Tossing his book to one side, he stood, grabbing his wallet and keys, “let’s go.”

She loved that he didn’t ask anything, didn’t inquire, didn’t turn loose his psychology degree on her midnight suggestions, but instead, reached for her back and held the door.

“Any destination in mind?”

Settling into the passenger seat, shoes off, feet tucked under her, crisscross style, “anywhere but here.”

“Midnight wandering. Excellent.”

They drove in their typical silence, comfortable, comforting, depending on Scully’s frame of mind, for almost ten minutes before Mulder reached over, tapping her thigh, “how’s your head?”

“Attached.” Eyeing his hand, now dangling over the console, fingers still easily within tapping range, “nose is stuffy but the taste in the back of my throat is gone, so that’s something.”

Finger against her again, this time fingernail catching on the fuzzies of her flannel pants, “you scared me. A lot.”

Left hand shifting so she could stoke his knuckles, weaving in and around them in soft, satin fashion, “I’m sorry. I was doing fine. I felt fine until it just … happened.”

Hand finally moved enough to squeeze her knee, both shocked at his action and both wanting him to stay, “just … don’t do it again, okay?” Now he slid his hand over to wedge in at the bend behind her knee, “fingers are cold.”

They were most definitely not cold.

Another five in quiet, Mulder shifting to get more comfortable, left hand lightly on the wheel, right hand firmly on her and she returned to his knuckles, ventured to that little round nubbin’ bone in his wrist at times, until, “what will I have to do while I’m your slave? Are you going to make me clean your bathroom and feed your fish? Or will it be more of a Princess Leia thing? Gold bikini, ball and chain, looking hot in the corner when your friends come over?”

How he didn’t crash, he would never know, “do you own a gold bikini?”

“Like I’m going to answer that.”

Genuine grin out the windshield, “I think it’ll be more that I’ll make you watch movies with me and go play miniature golf and maybe, just maybe, I’ll force you to go to dinner with me.”

“Oh, the perils of slavedom in Mulderworld.” Resting her head back against the seat, “huh. Did you realize,” reaching her hand to the ceiling, pushing a panel back, “that we have a moonroof.”

Quick glance up, “I did not. I wonder if I paid extra for that.”

“The Bureau may have and I’m okay with that.” Studying the sky above, “I’m thinking that we should find a nice, quiet sideroad and turn the car off and open this up and see what there is to see.”

Giving her leg another squeeze, “I believe when I was sixteen, that was the line I used to get to second base.”

“I’ve always enjoyed baseball.”

He looked at her, face turned up still, smile faint but there, “how can you still shock me after all this time?”

“I’m amazing.”

Finding the sideroad and turning, “I’ve known that since the beginning.”

Her smile grew wider as he turned off the car, “you were weird at the beginning but intriguing enough to keep around.” Finally looking at him, “and I guess I’d use the word amazing … at times.”

Restarting the car just to get the roof open, he turned it off again, the sounds of night filling the car, “I’d like to talk about baseball again.”

Now she laughed, putting her seat back, “talk to me about the stars.”

Hating to do it, he removed his hand from her and matched her tilt back, scooting a little to the right so his head was near hanging off the rest, pretense of seeing out the roof better and all. She did the same and soon their forehead were almost touching, shoulders were. His hand missed her so it went searching again, this time finding her upper thigh, resting lightly, not allowing gravity to work in his favor, to pull him closer to third-base territory, “what do you want to hear about them?”

“Everything. Nothing. I just like to hear you talk, especially in the dark.”

Wondering if confessions were the name of the game tonight, “Sam once told me that she made a wish on every star, not just the shooting ones.”

“That’s an awful lot of wishes for an 8-year-old.”

“She had a lot of time on her hands apparently.”

Turning her head so she could kiss his nose, she returned to her side of the car quickly, “I wish I had that kind of time. I don’t think we’ve stopped long enough to have an actual conversation in months.”

Finally connecting his forehead to hers, “is that why we’re out here talking about stars?”

“Possibly.” Silence reigned again until Scully’s hand shot up, “shooting star!”

“Make your wish.”

Once she’d squinched her eyes shut, made her plea to the starry gods, she said, absently, into the shadows, “I know it won’t come true but I don’t think it hurts to ask.”

Twisting to his right side to face her, switching hands on her leg, quiet cursing that the console separating them dared to exist, “it never hurts to ask. I’ve been screaming the same wish for months. Someone’s bound to answer me, if for nothing else, just to shut me up.”

If she looked at him, in this instant, in this universe, she would fall apart, cracked pieces in his hands with no hope of re-assembly. Keeping her eyes on the sky, “my favorite constellation is the Southern Cross. You can only see in in the southern hemisphere but one day, I’m going to go to Australia and I’m going to sit there, on a beach, all night long, just to stare at it.”

“Whirlwind world tour?”

“I’d like that. I’ve got six other continents to see. Might have to start as soon as I can.”

“If I offer to provide breakfast and lunch, can I come?”

He watched her nod and smile in the starlight, “I never thought you wouldn’t.”  Catching his gaze at her out the corner of her eye, “you’re not looking at the stars anymore, Mr. Mulder.”

“I’ve got a better view down here on Earth, Miss Scully.”

Shaking her head, “the things you say sometimes.”

“Hey, I’ve slept in your bed. I’m allowed to call you ‘pretty’.”

Shifting to face him instead of the stars, she wondered if she dare share how much those nights still sat in the forefront of her mind, first before her diagnosis and second after he’d driven her home, taken care of her as she was sick, kept her warm as she came off her first round of chemo, “twice, actually, I’ve let you sleep in my bed.”

Moving his hand from her leg to run along her hairline, brief stop to rest his palm over her neck, “I think, someday, we should do that again, have a sleepover of epic proportions: scary movies, ice cream, pizza, and pillow fights. What do you say?”

Instead of the smile he’d been hoping for, he watched her face tighten, forehead wrinkle, nose flare, then contort back to normal Scully, just as her eyes filled with tears, which began falling immediately, “I’m scared.”

Sliding himself forward, hand still on her, he tugged gently at her neck until she moved towards him, “come here.” Meeting her lips for a brief moment, he went back in for another before resting forehead against hers, “I’m scared enough for both of us so maybe we should take turns. I’ll be scared Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and you can do Tuesday and Thursday.”

Wanting another kiss, she remained still, “what about the weekends?”

“We can share those. We’ll stay at your place one weekend then at mine the next. We’ll deal with it together. How’s that sound?”

Still crying, she almost laughed at the depth of the burden of solitude she didn’t know she carried until Mulder offered to carry it with her. Desperation nearly moved her to his mouth again but fighting it, she let out a wet, crackling sob before sighing, “thank you.”

“You’re not alone, I promise.”

Another shuddering breath out, she forced herself to back up, return to her own space, but found she couldn’t get far, Mulder’s hand still firmly on her neck, “Mulder.”

“I think we should talk about baseball again.”

Shutting her eyes against his searching look, she ignored the sudden tingling up her spine, “my head’s a mess right now. I don’t think I could separate ‘baseball’ from fear and I don’t want to ruin … it can’t be done like this. I’m sorry.”

She felt him pull away, then kiss her forehead lightly, talking into her skin, “you’ve got a dirty mind. I just wanted to discuss this year’s lineup for the Sox.”

Finally, she did laugh, gently bumping into his head with hers, “I’m more of a Cubs fan myself but talk away.”

“The Cubs? Really? What the hell is wrong with you?”

As they both separated, settled back into their own seats, Mulder’s hand back on her leg, “to be fair, that’s the first team I thought of.”

“Thank God. I thought I was going to have to rescind everything I just promised you. Although now, our Sunday fear sharing is going to be filled with baseball games, both live and from my couch.”

“I’d like that.” Silence between them filled with crickets chirping and frogs croaking, Scully reached down her leg to find his hand, lacing fingers together, pulling his knuckles to her mouth to kiss them, one by one, before, “I’d like that a lot and by the way, pretty sure you already rounded first.”

“Ahh, yes,” grinning upwards, “yes, I did.”

“Mulder.”

Her voice pulled him back from his amusement, “yeah?”

“I’m finally tired.”

With a chuckle, he looked over at her, “ready to go back?”

“No, but we probably should or we just sleep out here tonight and pray we don’t get eaten by bears or overzealous hunters.”

Mulder snapped his seat back up, “home it is.” It took twice as long to find the hotel because Mulder hadn’t paid attention as he was driving but eventually, they found their home away from home. Both were sleepy at this point and once inside Mulder’s room, Scully headed, heavy-lidded, to the adjoining door but stopped when Mulder spoke, “thanks for asking me to go for a drive.”

“Thanks for driving me.” Knuckling a knock on the door frame where she’d been leaning a few hours earlier, “it’s Friday now, right?”

“Yeah. My day to worry. Now go to bed before you fall down.”

With a nod and a smile, she disappeared into the darkness.

[peggyrose19]

Midnight Kisses

HAPPY NEW YEAR LOVELIES!! I’M MANIFESTING A HAPPY 2021 DAMMIT!! SO ENJOY MY PAINFULLY FLUFFY MIDNIGHT KISS FICS FOR THE SW SHIPS. THESE ARE SHIT CAUSE I STARTED THEM AT 9PM BUT IT’S FINE.

I’ll stop yelling now. I really wanna explain all of these but I’m not going to because there’s honestly no need, I just tend to over-explain things. So enjoy all the fluff and love in these little one-shots. Characters from the amazingly talented @lumosinlove. I wish you all the most boring, uneventful 2021 <333

Coops

“Look, baby,” Remus whispered, pointing up at the sky, although the fireworks were hard to miss. 

“They’re beautiful,” Sirius murmured. He wasn’t looking at the fireworks exploding in the night sky, but the man in his arms. Remus glanced down at him, catching his eye.

“What?”

Sirius shook his head. “Nothing. Just… happy. I love you.” 

Remus smiled, seeming to understand what he meant. He remembered the late night, exactly a year earlier, when he had swallowed those words down, all dim light and flushed cheeks in the back of a car, hiding from the world. Not that it had mattered. 

“I love you too,” he said back, pressing a kiss to Sirius’ cheek, and then his lips. It wasn’t yet midnight, wouldn’t be for a few hours, but Remus didn’t care. He could kiss Sirius, his fiancé, in wide open now without fear. It was a privilege he was never taking for granted. 

When midnight did come, and fireworks were set off once more, Remus kissed him again, surrounded by their friends and family as they all rung in the new year. Sirius was sweet and pliant beneath his hands, arms wrapped tightly around him, never letting go. 

It was the perfect start to a new year. 

O’Knutzy

“Happy New Year, baby!” Logan shouted, arm wrapped around Finn’s neck. 

“Lo, that was the oven,” Leo sighed from the kitchen. “It’s 11:32. Honestly, we should not have let him drink so much.”

Finn just shrugged, accepting the wet kisses Logan was now planting to his cheek and neck. 

Leo fought a smile as he watched them. So maybe drunk Logan was kind of endearing. 

“Here.” He held out one of the pigs-in-blankets from the batch cooling on the counter, and Logan took it happily in his mouth.

“Yum,” he managed around it, grinning at Leo. Finn accepted one too, still caught by Logan’s arms around him. Leo ate one too, then walked around the island to their side, wrapping his arms around them both. He kissed Logan’s cheek. 

“I’m glad I get to spend the new year with the two of you,” he murmured. 

“We’re glad too, baby,” Finn replied, twisting to press a quick kiss to his lips. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Fish.”

“I love you Knutty!” Logan yelled, and they both jumped. 

“Oh, Tremzy,” Finn sighed. “What are we gonna do with you.” 

Logan’s eyes lit up. “Kiss me?”

Leo gave him a quick kiss and pulled away. “At midnight,” he promised when Logan pouted at the loss of contact. 

“Well, midnight needs to hurry up and get here then,” he grumbled. Finn just laughed and tugged him towards the couch.

“C’mon, let’s wait for the ball to drop.”

Logan let himself be pulled, collapsing nearly on top of Finn and making no move to adjust his position. Finn flipped the television on and pulled a blanket over them, leaving room for Leo once he was done in the kitchen. 

A moment later, Leo joined them in watching the commercials currently playing, snuggling into Logan’s side, smiling happily. They watched quietly, enjoying each other’s silent company, until it was nearly time. 

At five minutes to, Leo pulled the champagne from the cabinet. Logan was nearly bouncing up and down. Leo wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to give him more alcohol. 

As the countdown began, Finn took the bottle from Leo. When they hit one, he popped it open, and all three of them cheered. With wide grins, Finn and Leo kissed Logan’s cheeks, and then each other, and then Logan one by one.

They drank their champagne and kissed again, sloppy and sticky and in love. 

When they fell back onto the couch, tangled together in a pile of limbs and blankets, it was to the sound of fireworks outside and the pounding of their own hearts, the taste of champagne on their lips, and the overwhelming feeling of the happiness that was to come.

Thoelle

Thomas still couldn’t quite believe his luck. He couldn’t believe it when he woke in the morning to Noelle asleep at his side, or the days she would pick him up at the rink, or the kiss she gave him each night before bed.

He certainly didn’t believe it was two minutes to midnight and she was by his side, arm around his waist as they waited impatiently for the ball to drop and the hour hand to fall to the 12. 

“What’re you thinking about?” she asked him, dark hair falling in a curtain over her shoulder. He ran a hand through it, in love with the silkiness and the way always she melted under his touch. 

“You,” he replied softly.

“What a charmer you are,” she murmured, but her cheeks were flushed. 

“Still can’t believe it.” 

“Believe what?” She had turned more towards him now.

“That I have you. Still feels like a dream sometimes.” 

She smiled, ducking her head. Noelle wasn't usually one to shy away from attention, but sometimes he could still get her. Thomas leaned down and lightly kissed her nose, making her laugh and look back up at him.

“You wanna know something?” she asked.

“What?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Thomas replied almost instantly, on instinct. Noelle laughed a little, eyes wide. 

“You do?”

“Of course.”

She opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a loud shout, the countdown beginning around them. Instead she just grinned up at him.

“You ready for a new year?”

“With you by my side? Hell, yeah.”

Together, they shouted the last few numbers, “Four...three...two...one!” 

As cheers erupted around them, Thomas leaned down and kissed Noelle softly.

“I love you, Noelle Tremblay,” he murmured against her lips. She pulled away and laughed, giddy and free, wrapped in his arms and warmth. 

She kissed him again, whispering back, “I love you too, Thomas Walker.” 

O’Darwin

Kasey’s constant was back, at least for a little while. 

It had been a surprise, to see Alex standing on their doorstep three days before New Years, a suitcase in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other. Natalie had jumped on him instantly, taking the bottle from him and kissing him, tugging him into the apartment by the collar of his jacket.

“Alex O’Hara,” she had scolded him, “How dare you show up here unannounced?” Alex had just grinned.

“I wanted to surprise you.”

Kasey had shaken his head, kissing Alex softly and settling by his side on the couch. He was glad Alex was home, even if it was just for a few days. He had missed him.

Now it was nearly midnight on New Year’s Eve. All three of them were drunk, happily sequestered in the apartment. Natalie and Alex were dancing to bad pop music, leftover lights from Christmas sending rainbows dancing across their faces as they moved, with glitter in their hair and champagne on their lips. They had meant to save it for midnight, truly. 

“Kase, come dance with us!” Natalie laughed, grabbing his hand and tugging him off the sofa. He let her, smiling softly at the two of them.

He looked up as the clock on the mantle began chiming, and fireworks began outside.

“Happy New Year,” he murmured to them and Natalie and Alex both cheered. They kissed each other, and then him, and Kasey smiled at the taste. 

Beginning the new year with his two favorite people wasn’t so bad after all. 

Nuny

The phone woke Jackson from his nap. He answered it groggily, not bothering to read the caller name.

“Hello?” he asked grumpily. 

“Nado?” a familiar voice asked and suddenly he was wide awake.

“Zhenya. Hey. How are you?”

“I’m good. It is uh… how you say? Midnight here.”

“Oh!” Jackson squinted at his watch, quickly doing the math on the time difference. “I guess it is. Well, happy new year.”

“Thank you.” Evgeni fell silent for a long moment. “I’m wish you were here,” he said finally, breaking the silence. 

Jackson sighed. “Me too. I miss you.” 

“Miss you. I see you soon, da?”

He smiled. “Yeah. Yeah, Kuns, soon.”

“I’m kiss you then.” 

That made Jackson laugh quietly. “Yeah, you kiss me then.” He bit his lip. “Go to sleep, Zhenya. I’ll call you again in the morning.” 

“Okay. I’m call later.”

“Good, okay. Happy New Year, Kuns.”

“Happy New Year.”

Jily

Harry was getting big. It felt like just a week ago he had been a tiny newborn, fitting in the palm of James’ hand with room to spare. Lily didn’t mind. Usually. He was nearly a year old now, able to crawl all around the house and make endless babbling noises, talking to his stuffed animals and the bugs in the garden. 

He was crawling around the living room now, dressed in a new onesie that wouldn’t fit him in another two weeks, picking at the carpet and up way past his bedtime. 

Lily and James had missed the actual countdown, preoccupied with chasing their little gremlin around the house and failing to put him to bed. Even little Harry seemed to sense the excitement in the air.

It was nearly one in the morning by the time Harry finally fell asleep, stuffed lion clutched in his tiny fingers. The two exhausted parents collapsed onto the couch, leaning into each other as their eyes slipped shut.

“I can’t believe he stayed up… for six extra hours,” Lily mumbled without opening her eyes. James just grumbled. “We missed the countdown, too.” 

“‘S okay,” he answered sleepily, “We can do it next year.” 

“Yeah.” They fell silent. Eventually, Lily said, “We should get to bed.” 

They stumbled to their feet and upstairs to their bedroom, too tired to even bother with brushing their teeth. They just fell into bed, curled up together exhausted and happy.

“Happy New Year, Lily,” James whispered into the darkness.

“Happy New Year,” she whispered back, and kissed him sweetly. She snuggled closer, laying her head on his chest, and the two fell instantly asleep to the distant sound of leftover fireworks. 

[doc-pickles]

happy anniversary!!!

hello friends, a sappy order of business for the day. one year ago today I posted the first chapter of ‘it’s nothing funny just to talk’. that fic and the outpouring of love from the jolex fandom is what got me to keep writing, keep posting, and eventually got me to start the jolex group chat and find a group of people who I love deeply and consider some of my closest friends. today is a very special anniversary and i’m so excited to be able to celebrate it.

so in honor of this super exciting day here’s another installment of my ‘it’s nothing funny just to talk’ follow up series. enjoy and thank you tons for all your love and support! also definitely didn’t post this at 11:55….

xoxo nina

“You’re going to have to quit your job.”

“Sorry what?”

“I can’t do this Alex! I need you to come back home.”

Jo’s pleading voice tugged at Alex’s heart strings, wishing desperately that he could come back home. It was his first day back at work from paternity leave and he’d hated leaving Jo and Annie earlier that morning. Annie had been going through a growth spurt and eating more frequently, leaving Jo exhausted and worn down during the day from being up all night nursing. Alex did his best to help her out during the day but now that he was working again he knew she was probably struggling.

“You’ve been gone for five hours and I’m pretty sure she’s been nursing for four and half of those. I tried to get up to pee and she just wouldn’t stop screaming,” Jo sounds like she’s on the verge of screaming as well, quiet sobs echoing across the phone line. “I can’t do this, I’m not supposed to be a mom. I don’t know why I thought I could do this.”

“Babe, you’re the best mom I’ve ever met. I’m sure you’re doing fi-,” a loud wail interrupts Alex’s statement as Annie begins to cry. “Put me on speaker.”

As Jo wrestles with both the phone and Annie, Alex sneaks off to a quieter hallway of the peds ward. He looks around to make sure none of his colleagues are close by as he hears Jo attempting to calm Annie down again.

“Wouldn't it be nice if we were older? Then we wouldn't have to wait so long,” as soon as Alex began to sing the old tune Annie’s cries started to lessen. He paused for a moment, continuing again when Annie began to fuss. “And wouldn't it be nice to live together, in the kind of world where we belong?”

As Alex continued to sing, Annie’s cries began to get quieter until they were nonexistent. Finally he heard Jo let out a sigh as she spoke up, “She’s finally asleep in her bassinet. Thank you, I was starting to lose my mind.”

“Go take a shower and then take a nap. I won’t be too late today,” Alex’s eyes flicked down to the golden band on his left hand, trying to convince himself that the perfect life he was living wasn’t a dream. “I love you, I’ll see you soon.”

“I love you too. And thank you for calming her down,” Jo’s voice finally sounded calm as she let out a sigh of relief. “I’m glad you’re my husband.”

“And I’m glad you’re my wife,” Alex and Jo exchanged goodbyes before he hung up, turning to go back towards the main area of the pediatrics floor.

“So do you normally sing the Beach Boys to everyone you talk to or is that just a Tuesday thing,” Alex almost jumps six feet in the air at the sound of Arizona’s voice, turning to eye the blonde who’s wearing a wide smile. “Go home, I know you just got back but it sounds like you’re needed much more there than you are here.”

“Robbins I’m fine-“

“You might be fine but your wife is probably struggling at home,” Arizona shoots him an understudying look before turning back to the chart in her hands. “Besides we’re over staffed here anyways, you going home helps us out.”

Alex only hesitated for a moment before squeezing Arizona into a tight hug and heading towards the attendings lounge to grab his wallet and keys. Any other day he would’ve fought back and tried to stay for the rest of his shift, but deep down he knew that he really was needed more at home.

After stopping to pick up a pizza Alex made his way home, grinning to himself as he walked through the door of the loft. Jo was laid across their bed, one hand resting on Annie’s chest as she laid in her bassinet. Both girls were fast asleep, oblivious to the fact that he’d just walked through the door. Setting down the pizza on the counter, Alex busied himself picking up around the loft and straightening things out.

“Alex? What’re you doing here?”

Jo’s voice prompts him to turn around, moving from the couch where he was folding laundry to the empty side of the bed, “Over staffed at work, Robbins sent me home. But it looks like you two have it under control.”

“She’s gonna be up soon to eat,” Jo laid her head in Alex’s lap, his fingers threading through her hair as her eyes closed. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost… 2 o’clock. Hey look at that,” Alex looked down to his phone, a smirk lighting up his face. “It’s our anniversary.”

While they truly hadn’t gotten together until Jackson and April’s wedding, Alex and Jo had made it a tradition to celebrate their relationship a few weeks before on the date that Jo had first texted him. Now though, on their third anniversary, both of them had forgotten about the day.

“I knew I was forgetting something,” Jo groaned, looking up at Alex. “I’m sorry I didn’t do anything for you, I can barely remember to shower everyday.”

“It’s okay, I forgot too,” Alex leaned down to press a kiss against Jo’s forehead, grinning as he looked over at Annie. “We have a newborn, we’re allowed to drop the ball on these things.”

“Next year though, I’m gonna go all out,” Jo grinned, letting a groan out just a moment later when Annie began to fuss. “What did I tell you?”

Alex moved to grab Annie, watching as she blinked up at him in fascination. The little girl in his arms was everything to him, her and Jo being the center of his whole world.

“Annie say thank you to mommy for getting drunk and texting daddy,” Alex grinned through Jo’s protests, continuing to talk to the infant. “If she hadn’t done that none of us would be here right now. And I don’t know about you but I really like having you and mommy around.”

“Well when you put it like that, you’re welcome,” Jo leaned up and pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek. “I guess I made a good call, right Doctor Evil Spawn?”

“Of course you did Bar Princess.”

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

A Lost Soul

Two Weeks of Hitsuhina: Day 6 - Lost / Mutual Pining

Rating: K

Setting: 11 years before the main story

Synopsis: After Isshin is declared dead and the search for a new captain begins, Momo goes to Toshiro.

AN: as soon as I saw this prompt I couldn’t help but write a hurt/comfort fic. Maybe Toshiro is a tad OOC here, but I reckon his reaction to Isshin’s disappearance and decision to look for a new captain would be emotional. Hope you enjoy this!

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Momo finds him in the fifth place that came to mind. When he was emotional, he always went to high places or somewhere no one would think to go. The hallway leading to his former captain’s quarters on the highest level of the main barracks is one such place.

She falters when she rounds the corner. He sits against the wall, his head buried in his drawn up knees and his hands loosely entangled in his hair. He’s a few meters away from the door to what used to be Isshin’s room. He’s concealing his reiatsu, but a few flickers of it escape his control, their waves an erratic and wavering cold burst. He doesn’t make a sound or any movement, as still as a statue. It’s not helped by the eerie silence of the whole barracks – almost all tenth division members were out. Perhaps they couldn’t stand to be in here right now, not after the news they’d received this morning.

She’d heard - along with the other lieutenants and captains – that the search for Isshin had stopped and he had been declared dead. The search for a new captain would begin. After the shock the announcement, her first thought went to Toshiro. Isshin was a guiding figure for him, as far as she could tell. He recognised Toshiro's talent, often boasted he’d be his successor after enough training. She’d been glad such a captain was looking out for her childhood friend, but now he’s gone.

She raises a loose fist to her chest, her heart clenching at seeing him like this. He doesn’t move when she approaches him. “Hitsugaya-kun…”

“Go away, Hinamori.”

She freezes. There’s only some venom in his words. She doesn’t take it to heart; if anything, it only makes her more worried for him. He only snaps at others like this when he’s afraid. She crosses the rest of the way and kneels at his side. “I will in a moment.”

“I don’t want you here.” The catch in his voice makes her bite the inside of her cheek. He’s on verge of crying.

She hesitates to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder or knee. In the end she lets it float back down to her side. “We were told at the meeting an hour ago. Rangiku-san wasn’t there, so I couldn’t-”

He snaps his head up “I said go away!”

She can’t help but flinch back. His eyes are glossy with budding tears, his hair is a mess, and his lips wobbles between a frown and stern line. He looks so lost. Of course he would be, he’s just heard that his captain has been declared dead and Central Forty-Six were moving on to find a replacement. He must wonder if he still alive or truly gone. He left nothing behind to indicate either.

Her expression turns crestfallen, and it makes him cringe. “I…” He glares at his knees, perhaps humiliated by his emotional state.

She leans in and pulls him into a hug. He gives a quiet gasp as his chin comes to rest on her shoulder. She wants to reassure him that everything will be all right, or offer her condolences, but neither come. She can’t get any words out, because she doesn’t know what the future holds

He’s quiet and motionless for several heartbeats, then something in him breaks. He sobs, his tears dampening the shoulder of her uniform. His arms remain at his sides, but he rolls his head to touch the side of hers. Soon she’s crying too – for him and the uncertain future that awaits him and his division.

When he calms, she pulls away, both of them wiping the last of their tears. He catches his break, puffy eyes boring into hers.

“Why did you come?” he asks, voice croaking.

She almost chuckles; he should know by now. “We’re friends, aren’t we?” She puts her hand over his. “I-I know that if Captain Aizen ever went missing, you’d be there for me too. I want to help you and Rangiku-san however I can.” She sniffs and allows a smile. “Maybe the Captain and I could take on some of your paperwork?”

Toshiro’s brows pinch up in an upset frown. “How do you know that?”

“What?”

“How do you know I’d be there for you?”

She almost pulls him into another hug; he’s that lost and confused. She instead shakes her head and holds his hand tighter. “Because you are kind, Shiro-chan. You don’t like to see anyone upset, and you look out for those you care about. You look out for them until they can get back on their feet.”

Something hardens in his eyes, like mud drying to become dirt again. He’s grounded, a foundation restored in his mind. He’s still upset of course, but at least he isn’t in turmoil. After a moment he shakes his head. “You doing our paperwork won’t be necessary.”

“Are you sure?”

“Matsumoto and I can take care of it.” He lifts himself up to stand. “Speaking of which, I should go find her.”

“Do you want me to help look for her?” She goes to get up, but stops when Toshiro offers his hand. She smiles, taking it and coming to stand.

“No, I know where she is,” he says.

“Okay. Let me know how I or Captain Aizen can help.”

Toshiro nods. He still hasn’t let go of her hand. When he loosens his hold, he looks off to the side and whispers, “Sorry about before...and thank you.”

Momo squeezes his hand. So much uncertainty lies ahead of him, and it will takes him a long time to come to terms with all this. He and Rangiku, despite their bickering, make a good team, and no new captain would change that. No new captain would change who Toshiro is at his core: a boy who cared for those he loved or called a friend. “Anytime.”