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ikemenfics · 4 years ago

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Chocolate Kisses

Kennyo: You’re going to hell, you know that right?

Me: ...hashtag worthit

2521 written pieces of evidence that I shouldn’t be writing. later...

For: uh....Kennyo. @daeva-agas Help me.

Up in the mountains, shrouded by trees, a lone figure sat atop a rock, meditating. His features were deep set with the pains of a man who had seen painful years. A deep scar bisected his face, a lone witness to the tragedies that had befallen him.

Though his eyes were closed and there was no sound, he felt something shift. Like those instincts animals have before an earthquake. He had prepared for this moment. Reports of strange happenings in both Azuchi and Kasugayama had put him on high alert, though he wasn’t quite sure what to expect. Opening his eyes, Kennyo watched as a blade pierced his reality, slicing a clean line through the air, as if ripping through an invisible screen.

A figure stepped out. He was clearly not Japanese. His features reminded Kennyo of the traders seen around Nobunaga’s ilk, but his clothing marked him as being not one of the Portuguese. Kennyo had seen few of the foreigners who had recently taken to Japan, but he knew none wore such blinding fabrics. There was an air of elegance from the man, from his flashy clothing to his poised stance. Clearly, this was a man of rich living and rigorous training.

“Greetings,” the man said, bowing with a flourish, sheathing his rapier in a fluid motion that bespoke a lifetime of practice, “My name is Edgar and I have been commanded to give you this.” With a sweep of his arm, Edgar produced an item, tossing it to Kennyo. Instinct bade Kennyo catch the bag, though he did not give it any further attention.

“Why? The Devil King now sending foreigners to do his dirty deeds?” Midnight eyes met with emerald in challenge. He didn’t get up, but Kennyo eyed the newcomer, assessing what fight this Edgar might bring.

“Devil King?” Edgar grinned, an expression that left a cold spot in Kennyo’s soul. The man’s eyes sparkled with amusement, to be sure and his face looked the part of a jovial man. But something…deep in those glittering depths, that smile took an edge that recognized that title not of a separate man…but the kind of recognition that only comes with ownership. This one clearly thought he be the devil of this world. “My good man, I am not here to commit a ‘dirty deed’,” even the way that was worded made Kennyo well aware that this man was well versed in deeds. “I merely come to bring you joy to spread on this day. For today must be quite special, indeed.”

“And if I do not desire this…joy of yours?”

“That is not my jurisdiction. I simply was sent to deliver. And now, I bid you good day.”

The figure in white stepped back into the void he’d created and unsheathed his sword, using the thin tip, resealing the world from the bottom up.

Kennyo finally looked down at the thing the strange figure had tossed to him. The pouch itself was clear, shiny oddly shaped pieces of silver something inside. There were odd markings on the bag itself and it crinkled as Kennyo moved it about in his examination.

“Joy…” he muttered, dropping the item, “Such a thing does not suit a demon such as myself.” After a moment’s hesitation, he plucked the thing from the ground, opting to carry it versus littering the pristine environment that was kind enough to hide him and his men during these war-torn times. Another moment, he inhaled, moving to finish his morning’s meditation. After all, he had new things to think about now.

Meanwhile, a group of figures sat at a table, sharing in a game of cards. Edgar entered, leaning down towards one of the figures. “Apologies…”

The figure nodded and stood, grabbing his scarlet cloak as he did. “Don’t tell the doctor,” the man said, placing a cap upon his head before leaving.

“Are you sure you got this, old friend?”

“That is none of your concern.”

His eyes were still closed, but yet again, there was that feeling. Like almost nausea, but from outside his body, however that was supposed to work. Kennyo opened his eyes again, but rather than a slicing into the world, there was a flash and Kennyo found himself staring into ruby orbs that, to Kennyo’s amazement, shifted into a deep blue. (Another demon…). If Edgar was flashy, this one was just simply gaudy. Same blinding white uniform, but now a flash of scarlet that Kennyo could still see even when he blinked.

“I was not aware I needed more joy…” Kennyo muttered.

“You were told to spread joy,” the man said, his voice cold as ice and as distant as the moon, “to refuse the King of Hearts will lead to ruin.”

“I am already ruined. I am simply a transient demon here to enact retribution before I fade away.”

Azure flashed to crimson again, “So be it.” The world became so bright, Kennyo had to block his eyes, fearing they would burn away…

Back at the card game, the caped figure returned, dressing down to resume in the game.

“You look tired..” a concerned voice

“That one is stubborn.”

That moment, two more heads perked, listening to unheard orders. They stood, one plucking a black hat from the table.

“It seems more reinforcements are needed.” One said, nodding to the other.

“An unknown difficulty has arisen. Let’s not be late.”

In Kasugayama, Shingen sat, the cold air tightening his chest. It was a relief from his never-ending battle with his inner temperature, but the chill air was not kind to his lungs. Still, it was nice to finally not feel uncomfortable inside his clothing, though any excuse to be natural with a partner was never unwelcome.

There was a strange glimmer in his view, then the appearance of a pale man. Shingen examined him. Pale was an appropriate descriptor, as this person made Kenshin’s icy appearance seem vibrant. Even the man’s hair was pale as moonlight. Shingnen stayed put, sudden understanding dawning on him.

“If you take our weapons again, be advised there’s apparently backups now,” he stated.

The man chuckled, his pink eyes dancing with amusement, “Then I’m quite glad I won’t be needing to take them.”

Shingen laughed as well, “I must ask what brings you by, then. Not that I mind company.”

“Oh?” The man smiled, giving the warlord a look, “Though, sadly, there isn’t enough time for genial company. I bear news that you might be interested in hearing…”

Across a distance in Azuchi, you were walking the halls when the world warped. (OH NO! NOT AGAIN!) You backpedaled, having little to no intention of repeating the incident featuring six hot guys and one almost faint you again.

“Ah, ah, ah, don’t be so quick to run,” a voice said, a hand grabbing the back of your kimono. Another hand reached, tearing a swift opening in reality, “I’m just an innocent, harmless person with a message for you, dear lady!” He stepped into the world, flicking aqua hair over his shoulder, before clapping. “But oh my, your robe! It is quite decorative. I think I would like one when I return to cradle. Though,” he looked almost aghast, “should you be wearing it out here? In this weather?”

“It’s ah…a kimono. Traditional clothing for this place.” The man nodded, taking it all in, “A robe to wear outside. Brilliant. And the color. Oh but I shall have to postpone girl time for later. I have news of one Kennyo that I think you should hear..”

He entered his camp, his men approaching with worried expressions. He waved his hand to them, “I am fine. My meditations took longer than I thought they would. Have you all had your midday meal?” They nodded and Kennyo returned the gesture, “Good. We need our strength if we’re to keep with our plans. Any news from our spies?” Kennyo shifted, hearing a strange crunching. He glanced down, seeing a spot of a clearish item catching the light. He pulled out the pouch, eyeing the shining things inside. Something tugged at his memory, but he couldn’t identify the noisy bag, nor its contents. Call it instinct, though, but he was sure they were somehow important. “Where did these come from…” he muttered to no one.

“Did you say something, Kennyo-sama?”

“Ah, no. I will attend the lake for some fresh water. Apologies that I did not help with the meal.” Kennyo took the package, eyeing it on and off as he went. The small things inside glinted and caught the light, but also held folds and imperfections that Kennyo couldn’t quite come to terms with. If this was metal, it was rather damaged metal. What use could these possibly have? And yet, that nagging feeling just simply wouldn’t leave.

He could smell gunpowder and knew he was no longer alone. [That strange ninja is here, again. He better not be scaring off the wildlife again.] The pop of a firecracker let Kennyo know where the location of the nuisance was. He approached, Sasuke darting up a tree before Kennyo came too close.

Kennyo stared up at the man, “How many times must I tell you not to practice your tricks here?”

“Apologies.”

“Why do you keep coming back?”

“It’s out of the way of everyone.”

“Obviously not everyone.”

“Ah, but you aren’t in your camp.”

The bag in Kennyo’s hand crinkled, drawing Sasuke’s attention.

“Oh dear…”

“You know what these are, then?”

Sasuke hesitated, remembering his own adventure with the confections, “They’re called kisses.”

“Absurd.”

“It’s true. They’re a candy from my village.”

Kennyo looked nonplussed, “You eat poor metal.”

“You remove the foil.”

What a strange man, a strange item, and just a strange day. Kennyo shook his head. Turning, he left the ninja and gathered his water, muttering about the lunacy of wanting to name food after kisses.

Later, Kennyo and his men descended from their hideout, moving into the plains. The plan was simple, disguised as soldiers from The Devil and the Dragon’s armies, the townspeople will be more against the warlords and side with Kennyo, bolstering his numbers. He himself remained as the monk that would provide the balm for the injured souls of the people.

His men separated, leaving Kennyo to walk alone. It wasn’t long, though before Kennyo realized something was very very wrong. For one, the town seemed entirely peaceful. Too peaceful. There should have been a sign of struggle by now.

He clicked his tongue, intending to check on his men, but found riders coming towards him. The standard let him know that Oda Nobunaga was racing towards him. Alone and beyond outnumbered, Kennyo grimaced and fled. The men didn’t seem to follow, allowing Kennyo to slip into the trees, tracing his way to the town, change, and hide in one of the tea houses.

“The dainty man was right. I’m impressed.”

“I have no desire to converse with you.” Kennyo passed Shingen, intending to hide himself away in a corner.

“Is that any way to greet an old friend.” Shingen followed Kennyo, leaving the man unable to move again, lest he draw attention.

“What do you want?”

Shingen tapped the table as if pointing to some unseen object, “In exchange for an exquisite item known as a ‘cupcake’ I am here to help you with those.”

“And ‘those’ would be?”

“With the kisses. That’s what these are.”

Shingen shifted slightly, pointing to the pouch that didn’t quite fit right in Kennyo’s robes.

“I shouldn’t be surprised that you would know of such strange things.”

“Well…” Shingen smirked, “it would be remiss of me to not offer myself to my friend as the first to receive such a gift.”

Kennyo eyed Shingen, “I’m not going to kiss you.”

“No love for your friend and brother. I’m hurt.”

A low growl rumbled from the monk.

“I could see if one of the Oda army would be willing-”

Kennyo had grabbed the bag, shoving it almost violently to Shingen, “Fine.”

Shingen’s lips remained upturned as he opened the bag of chocolates. “I remember when Sasuke brought these. Delightful little things,” he said as he plucked one out, unwrapping it, and placing it in his mouth, giving a lewd sound as it melted on his tongue.

He glanced to Kennyo, who looked somewhat ill, “Promiscuous lech.”

Shingen and stood, leaning to kiss Kennyo atop his head, “Don’t forget to spread the kisses. Last time someone defied the kiss gods, Kenshin lost his weapon. Quite tragic.”

Kennyo stared as Shingen left. Spread? To who? He huffed, grabbing the chocolates, giving one to the old man that had served him. “Give a kiss to your wife. With blessings of the Buddha.” It sounded weird to say, but Kennyo didn’t seem to know what else to make of it all.

As he moved through the town, he gave a piece to each he’d seen, directing them to kiss their spouses or lovers in exchange for the blessing. If Buddha was going to make him spread kisses, he might as well spread them to any and all. [This is penance, isn’t it? The demon having to give the people blessings before he’s sent to hell]

“Kennyo-san…” He knew the voice. He turned, finding you. You held out your hand, expectantly. Kennyo plunked a chocolate into your hand, “Blessings of the Buddha.”

You shook your head, “That’s not how you give a kiss.” You stood on your toes, bringing your height to his face, planting a small kiss on his cheek, “I was told by someone that’s a correct kiss. Thank you, Kennyo-san.” You took your treat, unwrapped it, and ate your gift. You bowed, pointing towards a path, “By the way, I was told that was your safest bet to not get caught.”

Kennyo sighed, shaking his head, “Your his woman and giving me help out of town. Will wonders never cease.” You smiled, bowing again, and moved past the man, leaving Kennyo to his escape.

He slipped into the forest, up the mountain, and to his camp, finding his men relatively unharmed, though rattled. Someone had ratted your plan to the Oda AND Uesugi armies. Luckily, the men had seen the forces and doubled back to wait orders from their leader. Kennyo praised his men, assuring them there would be a next time. For now, though, he was tired and was sure they were too, so rest was needed more.

He went to his little shack, settling himself on the floor contemplating the day’s events. Small nails tapping let Kennyo know a guest arrived. He picked the tiny creature and placed it in his lap. He took out his final piece of Hershey’s, unwrapping it as he’d seen you and Shingen do, giving it to the small weasel. “Here, Hozuki. Blessings of the Buddha.” Recalling what you and Shingen had done, Kennyo leaned down, giving Hozuki a kiss, the critter giving a squeak in response, taking the chocolate with gusto. “Glad you like it. Hope this completes this joy. I don’t think I can tolerate more.”

Writer… Yes?

Are you SURE it’s just soda?

Cherry coke, why?

Is it original recipe coke?

Ha..ha..no

Kennyo has a new stamp Uh...yeah

Are there other new stamps

Uh…

Writer?

OH HEY LOOK, IT’S EDGAR

“The writer does sure love their strange humor”

#Kennyo Honganji #Kennyo #Ikesen Kennyo #Ikemen Sengoku #Ikemen fics #I never said I was sane #I have the patience of a skittle #two of three votes say now #so now it is #Apparently weasels like chocolate #dark chocolate to be exact but beggars can't be choosers #crack

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hellogoodbye741 · 5 years ago

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All the book reviews I should have been doing in real time, but imma piece of garbage(tm)

Please ignore this second (or possibly more if i don’t have enough space) long ass post

Reading Lolita in Tehran:

I really enjoyed this book. I’m not a huge fan of a lot of nonfiction writing because of how monotonous they can be, but this wasn’t like that. She really told a story about her (the author) and a bunch of young woman in Tehran reading Lolita and other banned books, and it really resonated with me.

Hidden Figures:

I had been told several times that this book was not going to be what I expected and that I should read the children’s version of it instead because that was more like the movie. Should have listened. I enjoyed the book, but it focused way more on the scientific side of things instead of the more story-line aspect of history. Not saying that it wasn’t great and a fascinating read into such pivotal people in America’s timeline, it just wasn’t my thing.

Virals:

I had been putting off reading this series by Kathy Reichs because it wasn’t the Tempe Brennan character, and therefore I did not care. BOY WAS THAT A WRONG OPINION. This book (and the subsequent ones I have since read) are amazing! They were written with teens in mind, but you can enjoy them at any level. They are chocked full of sci-fi fun that keeps you begging for more and more. I say this about very few novels, but I would totally read again.

Noir:

I absolutely adore Christopher Moore books. I have read several of his, and have never found any at fault. This one, however, wasn’t up to par. It was okay, but not like his other works. I couldn’t get into as much, and it wasn’t as funny. The story is written very much like a noir-style movie, so I could find no fault in that, but the twist at the middle/end was very unexpected and left me confused. I think I would have to give it a read and more pay attention to more finite details to make sense of it.

Number One Chinese Restaurant:

I was expecting to really enjoy this book, but honestly, it kinda sucked. I didn’t really like any of the characters, and never felt any sympathy for any of them even when they were going through struggles. The writing was a little choppy, and the constant POV change was jarring. It was a little bit of a struggle to get through, not gonna lie.

The House That Lou Built:

I know this book is meant for younger audiences, but I absolutely adored it. Like I have nothing else to say, it was adorable and I will protect it with my life.

Crazy Rich Asians:

I enjoyed this book. I’m not a huge fan of multiple POVs, but the way they did it in this book wasn’t bad at all. I really want to see the movie and see how it compares.

Da Vinci Code:

Tis a classic I have read several times over. Dan Brown got it going on.

Post Mordem:

I love the Kathy Reichs books and have read several of them (unfortunately not in order). This is the first book in the series, and I really liked seeing how it all got started. Kathy Reichs tries to make sure to make the science aspect of the book both for the idiots and the people who know their shit, which is great. Gotta represent my North Carolina ladiesss

77 Shadow Street:

This book was all kinds of fucked up. Every time I thought I got the plot and what was going on, they fucked me over again. I said “what the fuck” at least once every chapter.

Raisin in the Sun:

Don’t know how it took me so long to read this play. Absolutely adored the characters and the storyline, and the resolution at the end was bittersweet. Would love to see it performed and get the true experience and emotion.

House on Mango Street:

I have read this book a handful of times too, and I enjoy it every single time. The book is short and sweet, and the poetry graceful and moving. Will probably read again and again in the future.

Whipping Boy:

I first read this in the 4th grade and it has resonated with me ever since. It takes like an hour to read, but it is filled with so much in the meantime. All about dat bourgeoise bullshitttttt and how it can be rectified.

In the Year of the Boar and Jackie Robinson:

Haven’t read this since elementary school, and had forgotten how sweet this story is. The trials the young girl goes through and how she triumphs, in the end, leaves me with the biggest smile on my face.

Red Scarf Girl:

Also been a while since last reading this book. It’s a beautiful and tragic story about the rise of communism and the struggles that everyone in their country faced. I think it was based on a true story but honestly can’t remember. Would definitely read again.

Journey of Little Charles:

This was an endearing ‘growing up’ historical novel. I enjoyed it.

Ivy Aberdeen’s Letters to the World:

This was absolutely GREAT. Such a beautiful way to explore and introduce the LGBTQIA+ community to younger audiences.

Children of Blood and Bone:

I really enjoyed this book, and want to read the rest of the series too. It was a very immersive story that kept me on the edge of my seat throughout the whole story.

Chaos/Code/Exposure:

I’m just going to do these three as one since they’re all part of the same series. I really enjoy the Virals series, and each time you think there’s nowhere else to go, Reichs and her son introduce something you would have never expected.

Sing, unburied, sing:

Thought I was gonna like this one more than I did. It just kinda lagged for me and was hard to get into.

Lucky Broken Girl:

I thought this was a beautiful and heartbreaking book (and true story) about a girl who is confined to her bed practically paralyzed. It was nice to watch her get through her struggles and come out on top in the end.

Finding Langston:

This was a very cute story about a poc country boy going to the city and discovering himself through a love of books, and though it is meant for younger audiences, I enjoyed it immensely.

The Dollar Kids:

Another cute story meant for kids about finding one's self and working through trauma in a way that children can understand.

Winnie’s Great War:

It’s the absolutely true story of the English army adopting a bear in the 40s told through the POV of the bear. I do not need to say more.

Ballet Shoes:

I’m a sucker for three young girls following their dreams and one of them being ballet. Yaas queen.

Song for a Whale:

An absolutely stunning tale of following your dreams and fighting through all adversities to get there. Also, the main character is deaf, and being HOH myself, loved having the representation (even if the story if for younger children).

It’s Not a Perfect World, but I’ll take It:

Told from the perspective and real-life story of a girl living with autism, and some things that can help others learn how to accept that they are just like anyone else, and some things on how to make life a bit easier. Loved seeing life through that perspective, even if it was only for a little while.

Rapunzel’s Revenge:

Loved this comic’s twist on the classic tale of Rapunzel. Rapunzel takes her life into her own hands and kicks ass

Ghost Doll and Jasper:

This was a perfect mix between cute and creepy. A combination most would find weird, but I loved it!

Color Purple:

I’ve been hearing about this book for as long as I could remember, but never at any point had anyone ever talked about the plot?? It wasn’t what I expected at all, but it really made me feel something,

We Will Not Be Silent:

NEVER AGAIN MEANS NOW, NEVER AGAIN MEANS NOW

The Woman Who Smashed Codes:

A fascinating read, but on par with Hidden Figures where there was a lot that I just didn’t understand.

The Lowlands:

It took me almost 3/4 of the way into the book to actually get into the plot and understand what was going on. Maybe another read-through might help, but eh.

1776:

I love history, but the sheer length of this book and the unending quality about it was #strugglebus

Born a Crime:

Nobody should be born illegal, nobody should be illegal period. Trevor Noah, I’m sorry a rude ass country did that to you.

Stalking Jack the Ripper:

Yooooooo, read this shit!

Winnie the Pooh:

You already know who it is

Eragon:

It has been so long since I have read this series. I had forgotten how long the books were, but #worthit

Titus Andronicus:

Did not understand it while I was reading it. Saw it performed the next day and was like “ohhhhhhh, i get it now”

How to Train Your Dragon:

Nothing like the movie, at all. Still cute tho.

Howl’s Moving Castle:

Was just like the movie, except even more. There was a whole other plot point that just added to the concept of Howl that made it even better.

Other Words from Home:

Beautiful story of a young girl moving halfway across the world and dealing with the hardships that come with it.

Hunting Prince Dracula:

Do you like UST between two dork scientist badasses??? READ DAT SHIT

Sweep:

This was both incredibly sweet, and absolutely sad, while also throwing in some kill the capitalist bourgeoise and I loved it.

Errant Prince:

Four words-

Gay.

Trans.

Wizard.

Knight.

Diary of Anne Frank:

You get so enamored with the girl she was, that you forget that she never got to the be the girl she could have been.

:’(

The Help:

EAT

SHIT

Black Leopard, Red Wolf:

Not a big fan of the random and multiple rape scenes, and the plot was hard to follow.

Hunger Makes me a Modern Girl:

It was a good, short read.

In Another time:

I got straight and happy couple baited and I was denied but in a beautiful way so #allowed.

A Place For Us:

Another one where the plot was a little hard to follow, but I actually enjoyed it nonetheless.

Sun is Also a Star:

Thought I was gonna be denied my happy ending, turned it around on the last page. Hell yuss.

Prodigal Summer:

Thought I was gonna enjoy it more since I too am from rural Appalachia. Nah

Zombie:

Alright, okay, a little fucked up, okay, okay, WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED, the end.

Fox8:

I cried at work reading this????

Fire and Fury:

Not my thing, nice to see what’s up tho

Song of Achilles:

GAAAAAAY

and

TRAGGGGIICCC

Genesis Begins Again:

No matter what anyone says, you’re beautiful

#book review challenge #hawkybarton

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itschristievie · 4 years ago

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“What the hell do you want?”

Making decisions in the past was not always easy. We would be asked where we saw ourselves in five years, but we’re not fortune tellers. Was I wrong for not knowing? Why did everyone else seem to know what was going on, while I was still wondering what to make for lunch?

What the hell am I, and what am I doing? Where is my passion? Ugh! I have so many, where do they intertwine? I love the environment. I am spiritual. I love cartoons like Steven Universe that challenge the toxic societal norms we put on each other, and ourselves. I love theatre, performing, therapy, healing others and healing myself. I love so many things, so why am I feeling so... stuck? Shouldn’t that make it easier?

Fast forward into the future: I am a fairly new post-grad actor from a prestigious university that drained me of all my trust fund money (#worthit) who is contemplating WAY too hard during quarantine. I’ve been in Las Vegas for about a year, figuring I’d stay with family until I got a job as an actor, or at least something, and move out shortly. Guess where I’m still living?

The master plan was still in place until about a few months ago. I was going to move to LA and start the stereotypical (yet true) struggle as a starving actor we all know so well. I’ve been having nightmares, though. Literal nightmares about the fires. And you could say this has nothing to do with my passion as an actor, but on the contrary.

I worship the Earth and this beautiful globe we inhabit, and every creature (even the scary looking ones) that surround me. After all those years thinking about LA - fantasizing about dating some hot skater boy and having hot skater boy back-scratching sex, traveling to Paris and eating croissants while being skinny and looking like every other pretty blonde girl I’ve never looked like, living in a tiny house and having a lumberjack husband and cute kids, and later becoming a Hollywood star and touring platinum record singer - makes no sense now. With a heavy heart and regretful ego I realized...these couldn’t have ever been part of the same dream. I felt like a failure for not being everything I ever wanted growing up throughout high school. We can be quite hard on ourselves, can’t we?

I have started embracing myself during quarantine. It was hard to accept myself at first, and I cut off all my hair. Now I really couldn’t care less about anything. Fuck it. Closeted only from my family and those who don’t bother to ask, I am bisexual. I look entirely beautiful and queer now, with my short Arctic Fox purple hair. (I’m even thinking of getting some more piercings - let’s not leave the ladies guessing.)

Point being, the person I am now is different than who I was at 16, so of course those dreams look different.

In college, accepted as undecided, I applied to the drama school because that’s what I yearned for. As a artsy kid in a sports-oriented high school, finally I achieved freedom! A liberal, artsy, gay college!

I never acted before, and I was in my first play fall semester fo Freshman year. I got a sign from my late grandma to apply to acting school (story for another time), and I was accepted by some miracle. Acting saved my life, which, again, is a story for another time, but for now let’s fast forward to 2020 - quarantine. *barf.* I had to physically stop my raging hustle and pause in the silence to ask myself if this was what I really wanted.

Years of my family lovingly joking they can’t wait for me to become rich so they can remodel the house and never worry about bills again put pressure on me to stay in my lane. It was the bed I made, so I had to lie in it, right? My family spent all that money on college, only for me to suddenly change my mind? Oh hell no. I didn’t (and still don’t) want to disappoint them. To be just another flaky, failed actor? After all those years of training? Isn’t that embarrassing? Actually, ̶ ̶y̶e̶s̶ ̶ ̶ no. Only if you put your ego before your happiness, it is.

Without my ego shitting all over my face, clouding my vision, the future is so open and full of possibilities. I am working on letting go of what my ego is telling me to want, because it’s the “right” dream to have, or because it’s “noble” - and just do what I want to, because I want to and I love it.

And don’t worry about the money. TRUST that the money will flow into your life. When I imagine money coming in to my life, I get calls from old clients asking me to complete jobs. Random folks reaching out to me for pay and opportunities. And they always tip me profusely - it’s incredible.

So what do I want? I can manifest anything (and you can, too, try it), but how can you manifest if you don’t even know what you want yet?? Well, you can start with what you know you do like, and what you do want for SURE... okay...hmm...

Well. I’ve always loved cartoons - specifically Cartoon Network. I’ve fantasized about being a voice actor on Adventure Time, and working in their Atlanta studio. Or being a voice actor for a Disney/Pixar character. Directing a TV show that depletes toxic societal boundaries and teaches kids healthy habits and relationships. You know, the things their absent or self-absorbed families might not bother to. And this isn’t necessarily to fault the parents (but, like, it kind of is) - but rather it’s about helping the kids grow up with the self-love and support they need.

So, can I do this from Hollywood? Well, maybe. Can I do this through kid’s shows? Absolutely. And for the adults, maybe I could do movies that are a little more complex, but that can be down the road. I just hope I can figure my shit out before I’m 30.

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