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thesilmarillionblog · 9 months ago

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𓏲 𓂃 L o s i n g Y o u

Part: 8

Click here to read the first part.

Summary: Everything was good as a member of Payback and Soldier Boy's secret girlfriend until the team and your relationship with him began to fall apart due to a new member and her developing relationship with Ben right in front of your eyes.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Reader

Warnings: heavy angst, hurt , language, PTSD, mention of drugs, mention of torture

Word Count: 4674

A/N: English is not my first language.

* This story is inspired by the song "Losing You" by Dream Evil.

You asked Ben again, “What did you do to those people?” while he continued to look at your furious and angered look.

He avoided watching the news and simply replied in a dry voice, “I didn't mean to hurt them. Everything happened so quickly.”

Despite your hopes that, after all this time, he would change a little, you came to the conclusion that his appearance was the only thing that had changed. He was the same guy who hurt everyone around him like they were just insects, never thinking twice about it. He remained the same merciless man who just cared about himself.

You were too ignorant to believe that it was Crimson Countess had drastically changed him, but this was simply another lie you told yourself in defense of Ben's behavior. It was just who he really was.

You talked softly while Butcher continued to watch TV, “How can you even stay the same after all the things that happened to you?”

“I killed the doctor who hurt and tortured you. You already knew; whatever I did for him, he deserved it,” he angrily said, gesturing to you as though he were doing you a favor and somehow trying to convince you.

“Should I feel like a graduate and thank you?” You questioned him bitterly, glaring at him. “You are the reason I spent decades being imprisoned and subjected to torture in vain. You are the reason I am currently homeless and the state's number two foe. How come you're still so blind and self-centered?”

Ben grumbled, “Calm down, baby,” ignoring your inquiries as he roughly grabbed the remote control out of Butcher's hand and flicked through the channels. “We can talk about things at a later time. For now, take a moment to rest.”

Ben continued to stare at the TV and shifted on the couch in an attempt to make himself more comfortable, so you replied, “Don't call me 'baby.'”

“It looks like Tony Montana is going to bed alone tonight.” With a cunning grin, Butcher attempted to reclaim the remote control from Ben's grasp. “Also, don’t be dramatic and so upset, you have a place to stay, you’re not homeless.”

“Tony Montana—who the fuck is he?” Ben muttered, pushing Butcher's hands a little too hard while refusing to give up the remote control. “I’m in charge in here. What I watch, you'll watch too.”

“Hey, you remember our deal, don't you? I'm hoping you won't back down.”

You turned to Butcher and questioned, “What deal?” with a confused gaze on your face when he suddenly started speaking in a serious and mysterious tone.

Ben stepped in immediately and shot Butcher a quick glance, saying, “It's not so important.”

“All right, there's nothing to worry about. Your teammate just promised me that he would help me kill a cunt named Homelander.”

Ben kept shooting Butcher with a deadly look as he immediately spilled the beans.

“I'm not worried about anything,” you cut Butcher off abruptly, averting Ben's tough stare. “Whatever he's up to, he's alone in this. But tell me, what’s deal about.”

“Sweetheart, I don't need your help anyway. You simply stay at home and take care of things while you chill,” Ben said in an amused way, attempting to hide his tiny sense of hurt that came from your coldness.

He didn't intend to include anything that would distress you further, but he couldn't stop remembering the times you supported and fought alongside him. He would never ask you to get involved in the Homelander situation, though, since he knows you've already been through a lot of terrible things. He was also too proud to accept your assistance.

Turning to face you, Butcher added, “You don’t have to be so ruthless. He made the deal to get help from me to save you.”

Butcher believed that, given Homelander's strength, helping him would be beneficial and that it would be great if you would just soften and offer a helping hand. Butcher knew Soldier Boy would be happy to let you fight alongside him, as he was aware that he took your suit from Legend. You were once the strongest superwoman, after all, and he would have a better chance of finally killing Homelander.

Hughie, thankfully, returned to join you with a meal in his hands before you could ask Butcher any more questions. You were so hungry that you didn't even realize it until you smelled pizza. It was all about pleasure, yet even if you starved for decades, you wouldn't die.

Hughie smiled hesitantly and said, “Sorry, I didn't ask you before ordering, but I hope you're okay with pizza.” It's likely that he was the only decent person in the room. You wondered why this person was willing to work with a man like Butcher. He gave off an air of deception.

“Of course it's okay,” you said as soon as you smelled it. You then gave him a graditude look and said, “Thanks a lot.”

Ben quickly got up, tossed the remote control in Butcher's face, and grabbed the pizza from Hughie's hands as he sat next to you before you could move. Ben stepped closer, spreading his legs a little and making contact with your thighs, but you put some distance between you two right away. You didn’t understand why he was acting like that out of the blue, but you didn’t ask anything.

None of you spoke, even though you felt Ben's gaze briefly lingering on you. Although you were unsure of what Ben truly wanted from you, you were determined to learn from your past mistakes. Therefore, it was best to clarify it for him as well.

Upon seeing Noir's visual on TV, you exclaimed in shock, “Is Noir still working for Vought?”

That was the moment you understood. Earving never came to save you. If he just wanted to, you knew he could and would find you. You could understand why he might not have wanted to take the risk of going through the same things with you if he had a legitimate reason for not saving you. You had no right to be selfish. However, you were certain that you would behave differently if he were in your place. You therefore couldn't help but feel a little let down.

Ben angrily remarked, “Of course he does,” as he watched you devour the pizza. “He wouldn't even take his shit without the permission of Vought. Fucking traitor. He didn't even give a fuck about the things you went through all those years. I had no doubts that he was going to abuse your friendship. There was always something sneaky about him.”

You couldn’t left out a small hiss as Ben started to talk about loyalty.

“All right,” you replied, casting him a piercing glance. “I got used to being betrayed.”

He aggressively exclaimed, “Don't compare me with that son of a bitch,” and launched into a self-defense tirade. “I came to save you too as soon as I was free, and I looked for you everywhere.”

“How could I ever compare you with him while I know you are worse. And yes, Ben, you're quite considerate to have searched me in the Countess' home. Many thanks for it.”

“I payed a visit to her because I knew she was most probably the one tricked you. It was nothing else.”

“Whatever,” you said back harshly. “I don’t care anyways.”

Butcher interrupted you after making a brief phone call in the kitchen, saying, “Listen here, Bonnie and Clyde. Hughie and I need to get out and meet some buddies, but if you're not going to make trouble and if you don't want to fuck in peace all night, it's best if you don't stay at home. In every other case of emergency, you need to join us.”

You hurriedly swallowed the large slice of pizza and gasped, “We won't... I mean, we wouldn't,” to Butcher. Your cheeks flushed. “It's not like we're together or anything, so don't misinterpret and talk like this, please.”

Ben leaned back to the coach and said, “Well, I'm all in, baby,” pleased to see you flushed and in a panic. “Keep in mind that. Since I'm free, I didn't even fucking jerk off once. You can use me however you like,” he stated, stretching his legs and making an attempt to brush against you briefly while grinning genuinely and invitingly.

You grumbled, “I'm trying to enjoy my meal here,” ignoring the absolute filth that was flowing from his mouth.

“All right, that's OK.” Butcher urged you to complete your dinner, saying, “You can continue eating where we go. We must leave in five minutes.”

Ben growled, “Don't fucking order her around.”

“It's fine,” you stopped eating right away. “Where we're going to go?”

“We have to get some Temp-V from Hughie's friend. It appears that we will need to use it soon,” Butcher replied, glancing at Ben. “Unfortunately, you can't beat Homeland with just one guy.”

Ben did not even respond to Butcher's crap; he only rolled his eyes. He was aware that Homelander would be the easiest to take down. He was Soldier Boy, and someone of Butcher's age wouldn't fully get who he was.

You and Ben were seated in the back of Butcher's car, and Ben was covering the whole place almost as if he wanted you to lean into his body. He was always on the move, both his hands and his legs, and occasionally you would think he looked a bit bashful if you didn't know just how arrogant he really was. Somehow, you sensed the uncertainty, but you didn't look him up or ask him questions.

You couldn't help but feel confused and depressed as you gazed out of the car window at the enormous, gleaming structures. You no longer felt like you belonged in the world because so many years had passed in a tiny little cage. It seemed as though no one knew you, cared about you, or you had no place to stay. It's not your world, but rather other people's, that you see when you peek out the window.

You said, “Everything looks so different,” as a sense of melancholy took over you.

“Not at all,” Ben remarked in an arrogant tone, as if he had figured out everything in a single day. “I've learned many things; I will teach you all; don't worry.”

You challenged him, casting him a skeptical glance. “What do you know?”

“Well, I might teach you a thing or two because you're too eager to learn. For instance, GPS and the Internet were quite helpful in helping us learn about you and the place you were kept,” he added with pride as he smiled at you and waited for your reaction.

You whispered, “You're just making those words up,” unsure if he was trying to trick you.

“Those words are real words. I had said the same to that fuckface; believe me, sweetheart,” he continued, giving Hughie a harsh shoulder pat. “Hand over your damn android phone to me.”

Hughie murmured in distress, “Oh, God,” as Butcher nodded awkwardly and gave him an odd look. “Just don’t break it or something, please.”

Hughie handed his phone reluctantly to Ben, who took it with a swift move, and Ben used it like a pro, tapping the screen quickly. When he wrote down his name and yours on the screen called 'Google', your eyes widened open as you saw a ton of images and details about the two of you, Payback, and everything else.

Captivated by what Ben showed you, you muttered, “Everything about us is written down there.”

“See,” he declared with pride, chuckling at your bewildered response. “I told you I was very well-informed. The name of this one is Internet.”

You challenged him again, interested in learning more about this small device, which seemed to know a lot of things. The modern world is unquestionably something else, with easy access to knowledge at any time and about any subject matter.

“I am familiar with social media. If you don't want to be identified by your real identity, you can put up a fake profile and follow anybody you want. I made one for the two of us as well.” Ben responded, seeming proud of everything he had achieved with a cunning smile on his face.

You pretended to understand everything he said as you asked, “And what's your fake name?”

“It’s ‘soldierboyy/n69.' Pretty creative, isn't it?”

“Oh my gosh, Ben,” you said, pushing the phone and his hands in an annoyed tone as your face turned red. “Everyone will know that it is you. I shall be accused of having once again supported your actions if they find out the identity of your account. Why do you act so carelessly?”

“Everyone has those fake names,” Ben said, grimacing at how much you disapproved of what he had done. Nobody will find out because I'm not using it anyway."

He intended to show you that he never thought of himself apart from you and that he thought of you even while he was setting up the account, but all he managed was to distress and upset you once more. Observing your defensively crossed arms on your chest, he sighed and moved his strong arms to your seat in an attempt to get close to you.

“How are you so sure?” you asked as he handed over the phone to Hughie in a rude manner.

“Because that's the way the modern world works, sweetheart. Nothing and anyone are real when it comes to Internet.”

“Indeed,” Butcher said, glancing at the two of you through the mirror. “He is right; no one will find out. It's not really a big deal; trust me, if it were, I would have problems as well because of him.”

You cut it short, closing your eyes and lowering your head to the seat. “Okay,” you mumbled.

It was as though some odd numbness overcame your body, leaving you exhausted and unbalanced even after decades of sleep. It was most likely due to the quantity of sleep that your body became accustomed to, and it's also possible that you were experiencing a side effect from what you experienced in the lab. Nonetheless, it didn't concern you because you knew you still had your strength. You only needed to get a bit more rest. As you closed your eyes to give your body a break until you got there, you inhaled deeply.

You slowly opened your eyes, feeling Ben's gentle touch on your cheek, and heard him say, “You really turned into sleeping beauty, didn't you?” in a lighthearted manner.

“Have we arrived?” you muttered as you opened your eyes and noticed his intense gaze on you. The moment Butcher and Hughie slammed the car door, you immediately fully came to your senses.

Ben nodded, confused, not knowing how to react to your coldness as you gently moved his hands away from your face.

Ben and you had just followed Butcher and Hughie to the small, slightly desolate house. You looked around the room, and the other two women, who were glancing at you warily, exchanged glances. You could tell they were supes, just like you, from the whiff of Comp-V in their scents. You were a little nervous because you had no idea what their intentions were toward you. You had no friends or someone to rely on anymore, and you were a stranger to everything after all.

“Ladies, how are you doing here?” Butcher grabbed a glass of whiskey from the kitchen and inquired as he sat down right away on the closest couch.

“I can't believe you and you especially you Hughie,” the blonde remarked angrily. “You two really set them both free, and you forced me to take so much Temp-V; we're going to be caught. It's only a matter of time.”

“So you're the supe woman that bottom-faced guy pounding?” Ben aggressively exclaimed, pushing the short-haired man to the right while he snatched a cola from the refrigerator. “And the one who works for Vought when you're not getting off and doing other things.”

“Stop it, Ben,” you said in a warned tone as his abrupt aggression caused the air to thicken.

“Why don't we just sit down and have a nice chat?” Hughie looked at you anxiously, as if you wanted to soothe Ben before anything happened.

“Relax, sweetheart,” he said, flashing you a cunning grin when he spotted you approaching him, and you gave him a cold look while he sipped his coke in joy.

“Well, Annie, that it wasn't in vain. Soldier Boy and I struck very useful bargain, didn't we?” Butcher inquired, glancing back to Ben with a sly smile. “We're going to kill Homelander together.”

You felt uneasy, and your thoughts turned to the Homelander once again. Even if you didn't care about Ben at all, you couldn't help but feel concerned because you were both strangers to Vought and the outside world now that Ben had gotten into so much trouble. Not only did you not want to return to the lab, but you also didn't want Ben to go through the same painful experiences. Even though he had been vile to you, you didn't want him to suffer forever in Russia.

Annie replied, “You should have told me, Hughie,” casting a disappointed glare at her boyfriend. “You’re so acting strangely these days.”

Hughie insecurely responded, “I know, I know,” rubbing her cheeks. “And I’m really sorry for it. It won’t happen again.”

The man with short hair said, “You all know that they both are being searched by the government, right?”

Butcher shot back, “Of course we all fucking know that, Frenchie.”

Annie looked at you and said, “Well, I guess Y/N's situation is worse,” while you stood by Ben, watching him carefully to make sure he didn't suddenly lose his temper and start some serious drama. “Well, she's a known traitor after all.”

You immediately defended yourself by saying, “I'm not a traitor,” and you were enraged at her haughty demeanor. Despite her lack of knowledge, she was constantly talking about things she had no idea about. “Vought only spread lies and caused us pain in order to build up the next generation, which is your generation. They tortured me for years just because I wanted to quit.”

Annie's expression softened as she realized that Vought would do something like that and that she was having trouble as well in Seven. She then apologized to you by looking at you and sincerely saying, “I'm sorry to hear that.”

She went on, making an effort to get you to see how complicated the situation was, saying, “But you need to understand that no one will believe you. For all this time, you have been regarded as a spy for the entire world. The same remains for Soldier Boy.”

“What is your point?” Ben cut her off with a harsh voice.

Ben was becoming mad at those morons; they were just some stupid kids who liked to order other kids around, but he was a man, a true leader, the strongest supe to live, and they had no idea what him and you had been through or who had been in charge decades earlier. He was already becoming a little tense about that blonde's cunning ideas, so he realized he had to proceed with caution going forward. He had to watch out for you too, in order to keep you safe.

With defensive hands on her hips, Annie retorted, “The thing is, it's best if you don't see each other for a while. I can help you spend a week in various secure locations, separated.”

Ben abruptly tensed up, enraged that the blonde had already made plans in her cunning mind to keep him away from you. “No fucking way,” he said. He was certain that those fucked-brains would propose something so incredibly moronic.

Even if it made sense, you realized those new guys weren't to be trusted as they were strangers. It was true that you needed some alone time apart from Ben, but for the time being, it was preferable to ignore what you’re told.

“Everyone is talking about what happened in New York and Ohio,” Annie said furiously. “I’m just asking you two be hidden for a week. Everything’s already complicated in Vought and I have my own problems.”

“Look, sneaky woman,” Ben hissed, “I don’t give fuck about your problems or anything at all. If you ever suggest such thing, you won’t have a head to think such idiotic things anymore. I’m warning you.”

“Ben, you need to calm down,” you said. You scowled at the feeling that his chest was unusually heated compared to normal.

Frenchie agreed, saying, “Y/N is right; there is no need to fight each other.” The supe woman next to him smiled and patted his shoulders.

Butcher responded, “Annie is right too, though,” as he examined the Temp-V carefully on his lap. “Too much attention has been paid to Soldier Boy during the past three days. We are also doomed if he is seen soon enough.”

“They could be right,” you acknowledged, nodding to Butcher, understanding that his points were reasonable. Since you and Ben were currently the state's number one and two foes, you also didn't want to get into any sort of trouble.

Ben cursed, “Fuck that,” and he gave Butcher a menacing stare. He got offended at the fact that you instantly agreed with them but not with him. “I didn't realize I had done business with so many jerks. If you're that afraid of what's ahead, I might accept your suggestion, but Y/N is staying with me.”

“Calm down, buddy. Why are you so obsessed?” Butcher questioned, putting the bag down from his lap.

When you realized Ben was about to start an argument without reason, you asked him, “Why are you being like this?” in an irritated tone.

“Are you saying that you're prepared to follow those fuckfaces' instructions?” While you could tell he was angry, he inquired quietly, “What's wrong with you?”

Ben set down the coke and paid no attention to Butcher's irritating remarks. Instead, his attention was drawn to you. The fact that you didn't trust him but did trust the new people you had met most disturbed him. It was not them who saved you, but it was him who considered your safety and future. Still, you were ready to follow what they had to say. You'd been away from each other for a long time, so there was no reason to spend another minute separately.

“I'm not saying anything, Ben. I just want you to quit being irrationally dissatisfied and to be reasonable.”

Butcher sighed as he watched you start to debate, but Annie grasped Hughie's arm and guided him to another room to have a conversation.

Ben stated, “I'm not getting angry for no reason,” while attempting to stay controlled.

Despite Ben was desperate to touch you, he restrained himself since he knew that you two needed to have discussed the situation before acting on it. How in the world was he supposed to talk to you properly after a week apart? “I'm just saying, we don't have to spend a week alone and separated,” Ben said with a low voice.

Your eyes wandered around everywhere except for him.

“I'm not sure, Ben,” you teased him, feeling hesitant about his response. “Maybe we should.”

“How can you be sure that those people won't imprison you to a metal box once more? Do you really want to go back to that lab? You're saying you have faith in them, but not in me?”

You angrily gasped, “Don't you ever talk to me about trust. I would never make the same mistake by trusting you again.”

He tried to calm himself down, saying, “I'm the only one who saved you,” but the heat inside his chest kept growing.

“Will you stop arguing?” Butcher got up and asked, watching Ben trap you against the kitchen table while grinning at Ben and sipping his whiskey. “She obviously wants to be by herself for a while. Would you please just accept her decision and let her to enjoy herself?”

Ben angrily remarked, “Mind your fucking own business; we are fucking having a conversation here.”

You stopped disputing with him and cast a puzzled glance at his chest as soon as you felt the warmth in his chest increasing once more.

Butcher said, “It's like you're forcing her for something she doesn't want to though. Don't be such a drama queen,” ignoring Frenchie's warnings. “She might just want to spend time alone in a nice place and fuck with some hot dudes, savor the time she missed all those years.”

Ben snarled, turning to face Butcher and ignoring you this time. “Watch your fucking language," he growled. “If you say one more word, I fucking swear I'll rip your heads off.”

Ben's chest began to glow suddenly before he could finish his sentence, and your eyes widened, sensing the anxiety and the heat coming from his body.

“Ben,” you whispered quietly, uneasy with his rage and the anguish on his face, as if he tried to maintain self-control.

With an expression of fright on his face, Frenchie and the supe woman next to him also retreated a step. “Calm down, buddy,” Butcher muttered. “Let's not cause another accident. You've already done enough damage, huh. ”

But Ben's chest continued to glow, alerting you. “Hey, what's wrong with you?” you asked as you walked up to him, stroking his arms and then his face and making him to look at you.

He snarled, “I can't hold it,” and shoved your hands away right away. “Stay away from me.”

Instead of following commands, you remained in the same spot and continued to massage his upper arms in an effort to soothe him though you got extremely anxious. Then, in the hopes of calming him down a little, you put your hands on his burning, hot chest. Even if there was smoke slightly arising from his body, your hands felt chilly.

You whispered, “It's okay,” feeling his temperature drop beneath your fingertips gradually.

Next Chapter

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A/N: Comments and reblogs are very appreciated! -`♡´-

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plmp0 · 1 year ago

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The Sex Love house PT1

Summary: Welcome to the love house where a lot of stories will infold, 7 participants will have a chance to live together in the same house for a mounth while still doing their normal activities, will they find real love in this short period? Or at least this is what ur friend want u to believe.

Genre: smut (that's really it) PT 2

Warning: a very manipulative!jay, manipulative!sunghoon, manipulative!heeseung, everyone is a perv in this house, reader is clueless, shameless reader, kinda stalker reader, Siyeon (from dreamcatcher) is also part of this, this is a pure filth, explicit content.

Smut warning: hand!job, degradation, humiliation, fingering, use of toys, semi-public sex....

When ur friend invited u to participate in this variety show u had no idea u'll accept let alone to find urself in a situation where u r thorn away between all this people. -how is that even possible? How can you feel this way about that many people? But again ur heart had other words…. "what do u mean u want me to particiapte in ur dating show?" U questionned ur friend from 6 years Yeri as she said while playing it cool : please do that for me! (Fake pout) we need more female participants, we didn't find ones that will be suitable for tv!

You looked at her in disbelief "and u think i am? Yeri who are u kidding? U know more than anyone that m not the type that is comfortable around cameras." Yeri sighed but insisted non the less trying to convince u no matter what "please y/n m begging u! We want to start filming before winter comes, and i promise there is a lot of handsome men u'll not regret it." "No, m not interested." Was all u said before leaving her to take a cab. Even after a week of Yeri's begging, u always declined her offer whenever she opens her mouth, u had a lot of stuff to do, work has never been easy to deal with and plus u don't have time to even take care of urself because once u get home from work u pass out on ur bed immediately and what ? She expects u to come from work and chat with random people and try to find love? (U chuckle deep into ur thoughts) "ahhh Yeri what am i gonna do with u?". U mumble to urself ignorant that ur co-worker and ur friend Jungwon is standing behind u. Jungwon:I suppose Yeri is on something again? U let a scream startled not noticing his presence until he spoke: Omg u scared me! U said through wide eyes pouting ur lips when everyone started looking at ur direction. Jungwon laughed his dimples deep in his cheeks making ur heart warm up from how cute he looks: I can never get enough from ur dramatic ass y/n. U hit his shoulder playfuly acting offended: yaa it's not that m dramatic it's just that u keep showing up without a noise so it's normal for me to be scared!. Jungwon nodded his head pretending to buy ur words: yeah yeah whatever (he paused for a second, sitting next to u) so what was the Yeri thing that u didn't want to tell me about? (He looked at u curiousity shouting from his eyes). U droped the file u were working on leaning on ur chair: You know, Yeri and her team are starting a dating show and they had less participants than they expected so she asked me to join them , ridicilous right? Jungwon didn't let a single word out, noticing that, u turned to look at him finding him not acting sus at all, u raise ur eyebrow calling his name: Jungwon? Why aren't u saying something? Jungwon coughed looking everywhere but at you:emm-…. woah? Really? Yeri did? Isn't that a good idea? U stare at him a "wtf look" over ur face: it's ur idea isn't it. Jungwon: listen i- U cutted him short immediately: Did u think that i would say yes? Like i don't get that, don't u guys know me so well? I would never say yes to something like that?. Jungwon: but why? Like it's really fine, beside u've been single for three years don't u miss being in a relationship?. U answered annoyed: No i don't and even if i do i wouldn't do it that way. Jungwon raised his left brow: ahah? And how would u do it?. U paused to think not knowing how to answer: idk, i want it to come naturally and not force it. (U shrugg). Jungwon stood up from his seat eyes still on u: but u don't know maybe there is someone from the participants that u might know. U looked at him smiling suspeciously" ahah? Is that the case? Who would be there then? U? "( u laughed at ur own word not buying what he is saying). But what u didn't know is that something worst than ur "joke" happened in real life, getting annoyed from Yeri's consistent pleads Jungwon decided to join her , they turned ur days into nightmares making u not wanting to go out at all.

So deciding to give it a shot u said yes to Yeri more to rest ur head from her nagging than being excited to join this show. It was about time u go to the "love house" as they call it cringing at the name whenever u remember it, u kept shaking ur legs, nervous about this whole situation, regretting to say yes when the taxi u decided to take to the location had a camera right on ur face, making u uncomfortable, u started tugging on ur not so long purple dress, ur hair styled for the first time in a mounths, u wished this ride to end fastly and that they cancel this show but much to ur disapointement the taxi driver kept calling u to notify that u've arrived. Sighing nervously u paid him giving him a little thank u before getting ur luggage and closing the door, u stood out in front of the house admiring how big and luxiourious it looks, stepping upward u noticed a camera man at the gate signaling u to be fast, u scoff annoyed , opening the door while carrying ur heavy stuff looking with wide eyes at the beautiful garden in front of u ,

Arriving to the actual door u stood there confused at what to do "should i knock? Or ring the bel?" Staying there for minutes one of the directors told u frasturated to just open it, u gave him a fake smile apologizing awkwardly before opening the door and stepping inside. The fancy mirror in the entrance was so elegant and clean for u to not check urself, u adjusted ur hair and lipstick noticing how it faded and only a small tint is left behind " i just want one thing to work for me." U scoffed getting ur lipstick out and putting on another layer, before ur ears caught a faint of sounds from people talking, u furrowed ur eyebrows u thought u were the first one to arrive but it looks like it's not the case. Hearing that, u hurried leaving ur stuff in there, and following the sound until ur feet lead u to a nice decorated room, too focused on the decor u didn't notice the eyes that were on u until u finished scaning the room. You widen ur eyes looking at the two familiar faces smirking at u "what? Why are you here?" When u came here u didn't think that ur hot neightbour and one of ur clients would be in the show as well. Heeseung (ur neighbour) looked at you enjoying ur reaction upon seeing him "hey little doll." Unable to let a word out, Jay spoke before u with amusement in his tone "Was not expecting to see us here now did u?" U dropped ur bag feet barely keeping u up u started to panick ain't no way these two are here, no u r not on the same show with them!

U screemed at Yeri on top of ur head not knowing how to react after the director told u to do something and stop freezing on ur spot, u coughed a little bit awakening urself before u sat in the corner away from both of them, u gave them an awkward smile pretending like u don't know them at all. Heeseung kept the cocky smile on his face knowing exectly how hot he his and that u might have something for him by the way u kept looking at him from ur window whenever he is on ur line of sight, he has caught u multiple times staring at him from his mirror and couldn't help but admire how cute u looked trying to hide with ur curtain thinking that he wouldn't see u, but he did!. Jay on the other hand loved the way ur face turns red whenever he spoke to u in ur work meetings, ur shyness, the way u try to avoid his gaze everytime u felt his eyes on u, it just that u look so delicious for him to ignore u and not tease u. U were sitting there regretting all of ur life choices so embarassed for some reasons that it had to be these two specificly , not even one of them, but both? Woah u wouldn't survive here for sure! U can sense them tearing u appart with their eyes, u couldn't help but fan urself praying that the next contenstant enter now, and she did "Joy" as u've heard about her in the magazines, she is a very famous and beautiful model, has worked with so many known labels, u were surprised to see her in front of u fangirling inside rather than being intimidated by her presence, u scaned her outfit, a short white skirt with pleaths, with a yellow crop top that shows her cleavage, her hair was styled up in a ponytail, her makeup is done perfectly, she looked so beautiful u were drooling. Standing up to say hi, she looked ur way her smile getting bigger as she held her hand to shake urs directing her words to everyone in the room hi , nice to meet u m joy." She said to everyone in the room, the guys nodded at her introducing themselves and turned their gaze to u immediatly. Pressure, so much pressure u r feeling right now, it's almost suffocating the vibe in this room ! The silence not helping it at all. Before Joy can say something to lighten the mood the door opened and ur eyes opened wide with it , seeing sunghoon one of the people that u can't help it but feel embarrassed around giving that one situation u had with him (oh nooo ) u said to urself, it was as if this cast was selected on purpose to make fun of u. U gulped as he approached, white shirt tight on his body, tucked nicely in his pants getting his so very nice black locks away from his face, He looks…. majestic. Stopping in the middle of the room he said hi to everyone and took a seat next to you making u scream in your head, he turned ur way looking at u with a cocky grin: we met again little one. U were hopping that he doesn't remember u , that he forgot completly about ur existance, but looks like it's not the case. U see ur story with Sunghoon started in ur collage years, u were so frustrated after all ur exams and the teasing of heeseung (even when he wasn't doing anything) u head to a very far bathroom sure that almost nobody used it before closing the door and started getting off, moaning at ur pervet thoughts about heeseung not noticing that someone else was in the bathroom as well it's not until u got out of the bathrooms section and were going to the sinks to wash ur hand that u saw sunghoon standing there with shoock looking at u like u were some kind of pervet

u were ready to die at that moment, not knowing what to do ur head told u to ran away immediately and from that moment u did everything u could to avoid Sunghoon's presence, whenever u saw him heading some way u made sure to go in the opposite until u graduated and stopped seeing him. But here he is sitting so close to u, ur thighs are touching ,u were sure that by this time ur face is so red, ur hands got so sweaty from anxiety , u stopped hopping for the other contestants afraid that someone else u know is gonna enter. Joy was making sure to get rid of the awkwardness asking about your MBTI and stuff and that really helped to relieve ur stress a little bit. The next girl came, her name is "Siyeon", she was wearing a tight leather dress with high boots, her hair red and her eye makeup was so intense, out of everyone here she was definetly the most intimidating one!. She said hi sitting in ur opposit direction eyes checking u out, u couldn't help it but feel like she looks familiar "where have i seen her before?" But u couldn't remember, u felt uneasy by the way she was staring at u, somehow this room keeps getting hotter the more people come, u just wanted a breath but NO whenever u look someway ur eyes meet someone's so u just ended up looking down. The last contestant was late, the staff told you that they will come for diner and suggested to chose rooms to carry your luggage to. There was 6 rooms, 3 for the guys and 3 for the ladies. You didn't know how to choose so you just did that randomely, one of the three rooms is for 2 people. You went to the room they choose for you smiling at the cozy vibes you got from it, you closed your eyes after tossing yourself on that bed, tired already and you just started. "How am i gonna live with these people for a whole mounth ? Omg plz help me" You couldn't contain yourself from cursing Yeri and Jungwon who didn't even bother to show themselves or at least send you a text before you came her. ----> (Irey is Yeri btw)

You: U bitches i'll never forgive u! 😡 Irey:W-Whyyy??? 😶😶 You: U have the audacity to ask me why? You:Where are you? I have a lot of things to tell u! Irey:emm actually u won't see me there-…. "U furrowed ur brows at her reply, questionning wtf does she means" You :? Irey: ehem that … u know.. this is not the show we were working for. You: can u give me an understandble respond cause i don't get what you are saying. Irey: Actually one of my friends begged me to bring someone to the show, they promised to give us an interview with a very famous actor and i couldn't say no 🥺

You: Ahhhh Yeri, when i catch u Yeri ! Why would u lie to me like that u could of just told me the truth, do u know in what situation i am right now? Ffff good thing ur not here or i would of smacked that face of urs 😮‍💨. Irey: i knew u would say No, like u said it even though u thought the show is mine! So there was no way u'd say yes if i said it's for a friend. Also what situation are u talking about? 😶 You : m not telling u ! I need u to learn ur lesson first. I have to go now!.

U turned ur internet off sullking, ur head is spinning hopping that this room gets locked somehow and not oppen until 30 days passes. But as soon as u thought that, u heard a knock on ur door, curious as to who is there, u rushed only to open it in an almost shirtless heeseung only two of his bottons are closed his hair kind of messy his fucking smirk not leaving his face, u stayed there mouth open not knowing what to do, u have never once spoken to Heeseung before, he is someone u kept admiring and crushing on because u never been this close to him , and now that he is in front of u head leaning to reach ur height u can't help the aggressif heartbeat pounding in ur chest. Ahhh m doomed!

Heeseung moved some of ur hair to tack it behind ur ears, eyes on ur lips not even trying to hide that as his tongue darts on his. Heeseung whispered in ur ear making sure to awaken all of ur senses "i've been waiting to get close to u little doll." He moved away enjoying ur flustred face and the way ur eyes are fully open looking at his chest muscule. He chuckled enjoying how shameless u r not even saying a word and staring at him instead, he approached u more his index finger tracing ur neck "it looks like m not the only one who has been waiting for that ha?" Not knowing what to say u kept quiet inhaling his smell secretely ofc! Eyes closed, all of ur braincells stopped working. Heeseung has that much effect on u? U thought. He stepped out again looking at u amused he definetly didn't think u'd act this obvious in front of him, he thought u'd shake him off, try to avoid him maybe? But no, he was wrong. Nd god he loves it even more, seeing how u r acting when he hasn't even done nothing it got him aroused. Heeseung cleared his throath finally remembering why he came here "The staff are calling us to talk a little bit and have lunch, u can change and join us if u want." he said scanning ur short dress and how tight it is on ur body, fuck! He is going insane already! . U noded still affected to let a word out, he smiled at u and left. U closed the door head spining what is going on with u? U shake this feeling there was so much tension between both of you, u didn't know he'd look more handsome up this close, God, he is so ur ideal type… u've never meet someone close to ur ideal type before heeseung, so the moment he moved to ur neighborhood

the moment u saw him exit his house going god know where u couldn't help but gasp, butterflies running in ur stomache u felt an instant attraction, and from that moment u couldn't miss an opportunity to admire him, the fact that his room was in front of urs helped a lot, there was a lot of moment when he'd come home after the gym removing his shirt body all sweaty and abs defined, hair messy drinking a bottle of water, How hot can he get! Out of all the days of the week u were looking for the gym ones Heeseung always giving u a show.

Now that u r thinking about it the fact that u've never talked with each other until now is crazy, but u thanked god for that because if u did u'd be so down bad for him. Getting him out of ur head u changed into a more comfortable clothes, receiving a text that there will not be any dates out , so you can just chill and get to know each other , checking the mirror u stared at ur own reflection wearing a cute pink shorts with kitten paws and a white oversized tshirt, hair in a messy bun with some strands on ur face, u put ur lipgloss making sure that u look presentable, after 5 min of checking urself u got ur phone and headed down to the living room, almost everyone was already sitting , joy still in her previous outfit laughing with jay over something, siyeon in a black hoodie and sweatpants eating god knows what, heeseung in white top and grey sweatpants "oh god m feeling dizzy" staring at ur outfit with a side smile, Sunghoon nontheless is not here yet… u smiled awkwardly avoiding Heeseung and sitting between jay and Siyeon who is now looking at u.

Siyeon leaned to ur side "what was ur name? I didn't have a glimpse at it." You smiled at her while telling her ur name. Siyeon "Y/n! what a cute name for a cute girl like u. " She said looking at ur cute shorts with a smile U thanked her cheeks red after her comment, Joy somehow only noticing ur presence now "Ohhh Y/n u r here?" U noded as she gave u a piece of strawberry candy "here, have one." U took it u've been craving something sweet since this morning, u removed the wrapper and slid the candy between ur lips sensing 4 pair of eyes on you, u forrow not knowing at what they r staring but then Sunghoon enterend the room taking ur attention away, he changed to an outfit similar to heeseung but all in black , he noticed ur gaze bitting his lips as he sitted next to heeseung, both of them whispering between each other. Joy took this moment to talk "okayy so guys i wanted us to get to know each other better but i think it would not be great when another contestant will join us tonight so i figured out we save that for then." You nodded agreeing "yeah it's better that way." (u spoke still playing with the candy until a small drop of saliva got out) taking ur finger to catch it afraid it's gonna stain the couch u watch at siyeon catched it instead taking it to her lips, ur eyes widen at that not knowing what to do as she let out a hmm sound , u turned ur head pretending like u've not seen or heard anything as Joy started asking if we know how to cook. U answered immediately "Ohhhh m a bad cook." Laughing awkwardly afterwards, Joy smiled relating to u "so i am hahahhah" Jay leaned on the back of the couch manspreading hands carressing his forhead "m good at cooking i can help." U looked his way not expecting that he does and he met ur eyes grining "why? U thought i don't know how to?" Taken back from his sudden question to u, u answer stutering "N-no i- i just u know…." Not letting u finish ur words Jay let out a deep chuckle "i was just kidding relax."

Smiling u massage ur neck awkwardly as u bite on the candy finishing it. Ur eyes shifted to both heeseung and sunghoon who seems deep into their conversation quietely as they keep looking ur way, u looked at them confused and curious about what they r talking about and thanks for having Joy here she asked them "u guys seem like u know each other"

Heeseung smiled "Yeah Sunghoon is a very close friend of mine (he looked deep into ur eyes)hens he never hide something from me, he tells me everything. "Is he implying that he told him about me?"

Shocked u looked at Sunghoon to find him smirking at u, u started to panic no way he did right?. U felt uneasy the whole time, not beeing able to concentrate in their discussions head wandering whether heeseung knows now or not. Sensing something off Jay reached ur thigh hand hanging there while asking if something is wrong, u flinched from his touch "ohh noo no m fine just hungry."

U lied. Jay smiled softely asking siyeon for her opinion about what to prepare for lunch since they are the only two who knows how to cook. Siyeon shrugged and then asked what you r craving her eyes on the hand that is still on ur thigh clicking her tongue. After they setteled on what to do, you joined them in the kitchen wanting to help in someway. Siyeon "wanna help?" She asked getting some stuff from the fridge, you noded: "yeah just show me what to do and i'll do it." Jay's focus shifted to u after ur words smiling at how cute u look with these clothes, u look so innocent saying these words he almost wanna ruin that.

Siyeon in the other hand patted ur hair asking u to chop some vegetables for the pasta she will be making, u did that Joy helping u with them as Jay is working alone frying the steaks, ur nose picked up the delicious smell of the seasoning making ur stomache growl more from hunger, mouth watering as u stare at it. Seeing that Siyeon couldn't help but laugh at ur cuteness "omg why are u so cute, Jay u better hurry or Y/n is gonna throw u aside and have the steak for herself."

U chuckled embarrassed u can't help it when u r hungry it just shows. "btw where is Sunghoon and heeseung?" Jay asked now flipping the steak to the other side. "they are looking for a movie so we can watch it together." Joy answered washing some fruits for later U smiled upon hearing her words "Ohhh that sounds fun." Siyeon smiled at ur reaction "yeah Are u excited?." U smiled back while nodding "i didn't have the time to watch something in a while so that sounds fun." "And why is that? Is it because of work." Siyeon asked now adding more cream cheese to the pasta. U sighed u didn't have a week off for an eternity, u really need a rest "yeah" Siyeon pouted side hugging u "awww." Jay turned the heat off placing the last steak beautifully on the plate "okaay steak is ready, how is it going overthere?." Siyeon also placed the pasta on the three plates in front of her, you got some forks and napkins while joy helped Siyeon to serve the table, as you got there u found a very sus heeseung staring at his phone with his brows forrowed, u noticed that he always has this expression before he close the curtains when u were "stalking him", clearing ur throat heeseung shuts his phone helping joy as Sunghoon comes from outside holding some snacks and putting them in the kitchen for later.

Everyone took their places diving into food u cutted the steak taking a piece and savouring the tastiness of it moaning at how good it is u give a thumbs up to Jay saying with ur eyes that he did an excellent job getting a lovely smile from him u smiled back , not noticing the stares u got from ur so not quiet moan.

Heeseung tightened his fist trying to brush off this feeling and focusing on his food, head still dizzy from how fuckable u look with that cute and adorable outfit u r wearing. Sunghoon on the other hand stares at u darkly memories from the past coming back to him, he'd love that moment to repeat itself now, he'd definitely act differentely than before.

Siyeon's eyes bore into u, eyes never leaving u, taking in every expression and sound u make, she finds u sooo cute and adorable she can't even eat properly not wanting to miss a thing. Joy isn't even there lost in the food she has been starving herself for her last photoshoot that this is paradise for her. U finished eating not paying attention to anything, heeseung and sunghoon offered to wash the dishes since they didn't help in cooking earlier. They came out from the kitchen with some snacks sitting in the sofa in front of the tv before sunghoon hitted play for the movie on the screen.

U were sandwitched between heeseung and sunghoon they were so close to u, both of their bodies touching urs, u felt so hot , so weird not knowing what to do after all it's been three years since u broke with ur ex and got to ur current job, ur job being as hard as it is didn't allow u or give u the chance to meet with anyone, u haven't been this close to a guy appart from Jungwon in a while, so the fact that heeseung throw his hand at ur shoulder while eating from his bowl made u so flustered not giving ur full focus to the movie playing, hands shaking u opened ur hair tie allowing ur hair to breathe a little while tying it again, ur shampoo smell was everywhere now making sunghoon inhale it while placing a hand on ur thigh pretending like it's nothing big U gasp a little bit looking at him staring at the tv, u bit ur lips feeling hot all of a sudden, heeseung took some chocolate from the table offering it to u, u took it smiling at him with a very quiet thank u. The movie kept going on, it was a romance movie you weren't a big fan of romance so u were so bored, u took ur phone from ur pocket opening instagram to the picture of heeseung u checked out this morning

flustered u clicked exit multiple times locking the phone and putting back on ur pocket u couldn't even look at heeseung side but u r so sure that he saw it giving the little breathy chuckle he gave after the "pathetic" word he mumbeled making ur cheeks as red as tomatoes, u sighed seriously when will this day end?. Sunghoon on the other side moved his hand a little to high, pretending to take some chips from heeseung's bowl ignoring the way u jolted at his touch as he grins, he kept doing that taking u by surprise everytime he does it, you were starting to get so hot after what they are doing heeseung throwing some groans and sighs so close to ur ears whenever he eats something, plus sunghoon's touches.

Heeseung asked u if he could call his phone because he doesn't know where he left it, confused as to why he asked u specificly when sunghoon was just here playing with his but u gave it to him forgetting that u already has his number after stalking him on social media just to see some of his stories that he just shared in his number, Heeseung wanted to make sure if the unknown number he keeps seing is really urs curious as to how far u went, and yeah he was sure the moment he composed four of his phone number on ur screen and he saw his name on it, he smiled more amused than creeped, he could of embarrass u here and expose u but it would be more fun if it's only u two, so he earesed the numbers and give u ur phone back saying that he just remembered where he put it and u didn't think that much about it until u saw a scene in the movie where the female lead was calling one of her friends and then it clicked to u, u gasped quietely eyes looking at heeseung trying to read his face "did he saw his number?".

But heeseung didn't say anything appart from raising his brow in question and saying "what?". Joy insisted to watch another movie too bored to do anything, siyeon on the other hand excused herself going to sleep, u didn't want to leave Joy here alone with the guys in case she'd feel uncomfortable so u just stayed: noo this movie needs darkness can we close the curtains Jay?. Jay noded closing the curtains and going back to sleep in the other end of the couch. U adjusted the way u r sitting lying into the couch u kicked sunghoons leg by mistake saying "sorry" as he didn't even bother to answer u, too focused on his phone it got u curious but as soon as u peeked there u regretted ur decision, "is he watching porn here? Wtf?" Ur eyes got wide face red so surprised at his action, u reached for the water drinking a bunch and going back to ur place , after a while heeseung asked sunghoon about what he was watching making ur face go red again, thinking that he would say something as "nothing important" or whatever but instead he showed him, his phone right into ur sight shocked u look at him but again he is not even paying attention to ur existance both of them acting as u r not between them right now, discussing how eager the woman in the video is, how they'd ruin her and give her exactly what she needs, u felt so aroused there, u know u shouldn't but ain't no way u wont with how much teasing both of them were giving u before and now that they are doing this u need to run from here but the thing is that u couldn't, u were locked between them, body stuck there, u couldn't even move, as the guy in the video slapped his dick on the woman's face heeseung chuckled deeply "look at how small her face looks next to his cock how would it look next to mine, i bet her face would disappear" hearing his words u let out a small whimper, u've always fantasied about heeseung, how he'd look while being pleasured, how big his cock would be, how would he fuck, and now that he is here claiming that he has a huge cock u can't help it but whimper shifting on ur seat uncomfortably, pussy itching.. Heeseung felt his cock twitch inside his pants from the sound u let out, containing his groan, he loved that face u had after listening to his words. Sunghoon smirked at u knowing exactly how shameless u can be, and how easy it was to make u horny, he in fact didn't caught u that time alone, it was actually u who caughted him for the first time, he used that bathroom a lot and everytime he does he knows that u'd be there getting off on something stupid.

So now he isn't even surprised, seing how ur thighs keep rubbing together, he kept playing the video throwing some comments here and there making it hard for u to not let out a sound, for a moment u forgot that u r on a variety show, thanks god that they still hasn't installed the cameras in this room or u'd be gone. U throw a look at Joy sighing in relieve when u saw how her eyes are so into the movie, Jay as well is long gone sleeping. This whole situation that u r into now is insane to u, it is one of ur very long fantasies and the fact that they are ignoring ur presence is driving u more insane. Clicking on anothor video of a woman dressed up as a kitten with her collar on kneeling before as what seems her master heeseung sighed "so he is into that?" U thought very interested as to what is gonna happen shame long gone u watched with curious eyes as he pulled on her leash guiding her to his cock before ordering her to open her mouth, pulling her hair harshely and started fucking her mouth, not caring about how she is gagging on his side, eyes watering as her face became so red, ur mouth opened in an o as u watch him use her as he want u gulp loudly at that, both heeseung and sunghoon looking ur way focusing now on ur face rather than the video, eyes dark and sharp, drinking ur expressions, sunghoon dragged his hand again on ur thigh making u leave a small moan, bitting his lower lip agressively ohhh how he wished to take u here in front of everyone hearing u moan again and again as he used u, especially after u put ur hand on his wrist digging ur nails on his flech, hips shamelessly grinding forward, he groaned deeply his cock twitching so hard, seeing this heeseung couldn't help it but to pat his cock on top of his pants hiding his action with the large pillow he has on his lap. U couldn't contain urself after sunghoon touched u, it was as if you reached ur limit u didn't know what to do ur hand guiding sunghoon's hand upward he hissed after sensing ur wetness on top of ur shorts he cursed deeply "so fucking wet, ur gonna ruin the couch" u moan ashamed but not much as u grind on his hand eyes shutting brain washed and clear nothing running there but for u to release ur stress, heeseung leaned in ur ear whispering quitely"looks at u now, getting off on sunghoon's hand in front of everyone, pretending to be innocent all the time while in reality ur just a horny eager little thing" he licked ur earlobe taking ur hand to palm his crotch, u moan sensing how hard and big he is he chuckled "what? Liked that? Do u think u can take it" u just moaned occupied with sunghoon's hand that pressed hard on ur clit and then disappeared, whining u open ur eyes barely managing to not shut them, sunghoon's fingers digged in ur thighs harshely "when someone ask u a question u have to answer little one or u wont get what u want" u pout hand still working on heeseung as u look at him almost crying u were so close u barely managed to get these words out "i can take everything, so please touch me". Sunghoon patted ur cheek in a menacing way before he whispered "that's more like it slut" U moaned at the degrading name taking his hand again and placing it inside ur shorts u almost screamed when his cold fingers pressed on ur clit hand moving in a fast circular motion making ur toes curl, everything about sunghoon's touch is harsh he took one of ur breasts kneeding it roughly u were afraid it gonna burst in his hand, heeseung took the other one circling ur nipple until it became hard and he tugged on it pinching it u almost let out a scream if it wasn't for his other hand that covered ur mouth hard, u felt like u were in heaven touched and gropped this way was something u always craved

ur eyes opened a little meeting Jay's that is on the other end watching u while mouthing quietly to not let Joy notice "so sluty" "very pathetic" he clenched his jaw regreting sitting that far but enjoying the show nontheless, u look so hot like that sweating hand pressed on ur lips covering any sound breasts gropped ahhh how soft and squechy they'd feel around his hands, ur hand palming heeseung's crotch skilfully nails pretty and beautiful just to be ruined by cum, you look so fucked out now shaking in sunghoon's hand eyes rolling back trying to remove his hand from how sensitive u are but he is too strong for u to do that, he kept moving his hand until u let out a tear chuckling deeply at ur state as heeseung freed his cock from his pants and started moving ur hand faster groaning right in ur ears so close to his release he had to let go of ur lips to bit his hand and supress any sound, not long after, u felt ur hand getting sticky moaning at this feeling u miss it so much, heeseung kept going until he emptied his balls, satisfied to see ur hand full of his cum, if only u were alone here he'd make sure u don't waste a drop of it, sunghoon guided his fingers full of ur slick into ur mouth making u suck on them "that's right make them clean whore" u moaned on his fingers driving him insane as he pushed his fingers deeper in your throat u almost gagged but held it, not wanting to make Joy who has seen everything through the screen's reflection notice, with a pop sunghoon removed his fingers letting go of ur breast as heeseung did the same, standing and leaving u there like a mess looking at jay shamefully as he shrugged his head disapointed.

U excused urself running to ur room face as red as a tomato u washed ur hand moaning after seeing how full of cum it is, u can't help it but wish that they follow u to ur room to finish what they were doing not satisfied fully by what they gave u, pussy still clenching around nothing, u sighed flustrated. Changing ur clothes u went to ur bed thinking about what just happened the fact that Jay saw u is turning u on more than it should, after minutes of thinking u find urself sleeping so tired from today's event. U woke up to a text notification, telling u that u'll be headed to a restaurant to meet the last contestant. U smiled excited to eat outside properly, picking a tight black dress with a golden chain on the collar, wearing ur favourite heels and applying a red lipstick, satisfied with ur look u wore some parfum going to ur bed to pick ur bag before u hear a knock again. Gulping and adjusting ur dress u opened the door just to find urself thrown to the wall hand tightly wrapped around ur lips, u widen ur eyes taking a back fromhow fast that happened just to see Jay looking at u darkely, jaw clenched as he come closer whispering with his other hand lifting ur dress and reaching inside ur panties hissing as u feel a weird object enter u "U really thought i'd act like nothing happened ha?" He rubbed the toy on ur folds making u moan quietly, "u see i couldn't bear the fact that i was left out " he continue rubbing on ur folds only faster this time making u squirm over his hand, he chuckled deeply "so i figured out i should teach u a lesson" he leaned on ur ears whispering "u r gonna have this inside u all the time at the diner" he licked ur earlobe "u better act well or it'd be so embarrasing" u moaned at the thought, he leaned back scanny ur fucked out state hips following his hand mouvement eyes rolled back this is all too much for u he pressed harder on ur lips "m really so disapointed on u, how could u leave ur client out?" He removed his hand from ur panties only when u were about to come leaving u whining and positioned it on ur left hip "but again i didn't know u'd be so perveted letting two men use u in front of everyone" u whimper from humiliation gasping when his knee got between ur thighs pressing directly on ur core "i'll tease u a lot tonight" he grinded his knee on ur core making ur knees feel like jelly if it wasn't for the hold he has on ur hip u'd be on the floor now "i'll make sure u come to my room tonight crying and begging me to fuck u"

No cause Jay here is gonna be 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

#enhypen fanfiction #kpop smut #kpop fanfic #enhypen x reader #enhypen jay #jay enhypen #enhypen jake #enhypen smut #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen scenarios #enhypen imagines #enhypen heeseung #heeseung x reader #heeseung smut #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon smut #jay x reader #jay smut #smut

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httpiastri · 1 year ago

Text

devil in disguise – cn21

clement got into a fight.

genre: angsty??

pairing: female reader x boyfriend!clement novalak

warnings: mentions of blood, alcohol, fighting. basically describing an anxiety/panic attack so stay away if that might trigger you!

requested?: no

author's note: two pieces of writing in one day? who am i??? 😵 jk jk, this has just been sitting in my drafts for so long (since halloween-) and i just got tired of not posting it, so i just wrote an ending and here we are. welp. not super happy with this one, esp not the end, and im not sure how accurately i described the panic/anxiety (like. i just experience, i don't remember it after it happens. 😐), but i hope u enjoy!!

f2/f3 masterlist

"i can't believe you, clem."

the anger is still bubbling inside of you, yet your actions tell a different story. you've got one of his hands in yours, pressing an ice pack against the back of it gently to hopefully stop some of the swelling and bleeding.

"hey, baby-"

"no, don't you 'baby' me right now. bloody hell, what were you thinking?!"

to say that clement's halloween party had been a failure would be an understatement. you aren't exactly an avid party-goer, most often preferring to stay at home with a good book or a favorite show playing on the tv. in fact, you couldn't even recall when you last attended a party before this one. but, knowing that you're a big fan of halloween, clement invited you to his theme party. your boyfriend had promised to stay by your side and make sure you were comfortable, knowing how you sometimes get intimidated by large crowds, and it all went smoothly for most of the night. until it didn't anymore.

it all happened so quickly. one moment, there was a hand on your waist – one you assumed belonged to your boyfriend – and you leaned into his touch. the next, the hand was ripped off you and you spun around to see what was going on. and then, all you could see was clement's fist flying towards the stranger's face.

silence washed over the apartment momentarily, only to soon be shattered as screams and the thuds of fists against skin consumed the room.

but to you, it all went quiet. it felt like the world slowed down, and you were stuck watching as your boyfriend punched some dude you'd never seen before. you couldn't move, frozen in place as more people started getting involved, pulling the two apart or throwing punches of their own.

you felt yet another hand land on your shoulder, but this time it belonged to marcus. he pulled you back, away from the commotion, tucking your face into his chest to hide you from the ongoing fight. your lungs felt tight, your vision growing blurry.

the crowd scattered moments later, everyone but clement's closest friends leaving hurriedly. marcus guided you to the bedroom, ensuring that you weren't panicking completely before going out again to help out.

your relationship with clement is still relatively new, and you're both experimenting to find your dynamics and get to know each other. you know that you have a lot to learn about him – you just never thought that this was what was hiding behind his cheerful exterior.

clement's apartment is completely empty by now, with scattered plastic cups filling the floor and the pop music turned off. you make it out of his room once you know the coast is clear, tiptoeing into the living room to find him sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. his knuckles are still bleeding, just like a few bruises on his face.

"i wasn't thinking, i guess," he mumbles, eyes strictly focused down on his lap. he leans back slightly against the couch cushions. "i know you're too innocent for these kinds of things... i shouldn't have told you to come here in the first place."

you shake your head lightly, removing the ice pack and instead reaching for the box of wound cleansing wipes you'd gotten from his bathroom. "it's my own fault for asking if i could come."

clement smiles as he looks at you. he's come to learn how soft-spoken, shy, and timid you are; how you have a way of calming those around you. it's one of the many things making him fall for you. he's never been with anyone like you before, and it's different in such a refreshing way. "don't be sorry," he hums. "you had no idea what was going to happen."

"does this happen often?" you ask, beginning to rub a wipe against the bruises on his knuckles. "do you get into a lot of fights at parties?"

he pauses for a moment. "well... stuff like this does happen at times." he sighs. "i know it's bad, but... sometimes, you can't control it. i'm just sorry you got caught in the middle of it." your wipe is quickly filled up with dried blood and other dirt, and when you bend over to the couch table to put it away, clement's free hand reaches your hip. his gaze is on you when you lean back, his hand giving you a quick squeeze as a slight grin makes its way onto his lips. "do you find it attractive?" he raises his eyebrows teasingly. "having a guy who knows how to throw a punch?"

"honestly?" your eyes meet his for a quick moment before you stare at his wounded hand again. your voice is lower than before when you start speaking again. "you're... it's a bit... scary..."

clement is shocked. he hasn't realized the effect this has on you – surely, he understands that you could be afraid of a fight, but being scared of him? it breaks his heart. the novelty of your relationship makes him a bit unsure of how to act around you, but he's worked so hard to build up your trust and to make you feel comfortable around him. to have it all be broken down in just one night makes his heart drop.

"oh, love..." he says. "you have nothing to fear. you mean too much to me," his hand moves from your hip to your cheek. "and i would never ever lay a finger on you."

you can't find it in yourself to look at him or say anything, but you manage to nod your head and take a breath before you start cleaning his hand again. he leans forward to press a sweet kiss to your cheek, your skin heating up where his lips had touched you. he smiles at you – until he looks down at your hands again.

"hey, you're shaking." a frown reaches his face, eyes flickering up and down between your hands and your face.

"oh, i am?" you ask, trying to focus on continuing to wipe his knuckles so you don't have to think too much about your feelings and the reality of the situation. "i didn't realize..."

"darling, you need to relax. it's been a long night." his hands wrap around yours, thumbs grazing over the skin of the back of your hands. "you don't need to clean my hands, i'll be fine."

"but-"

"no buts. i'm sorry for..." he stops for a moment, eyes studying you closely. "hey hey hey, you need to breathe properly. take a deep breath."

you hear his words, but you can't do what he tells you to do. your throat feels like it's closing up and your breaths get shorter as your head grows dizzy. it's all a downward spiral; your anxiety increases when you can't breathe, and breathing gets even more challenging as you get more stressed.

clement almost panics himself when he sees your state, but he must stay calm for you at this moment. he places a hand right below your collarbone while you shut your eyes. "big breaths, lift my hand," he says, voice low and tone soothing. his other hand reaches for the back of your neck, tilting your head back slightly to free your airways.

you concentrate on his touch, your short breaths through your nose only making your chest rise slightly. his thumb strokes the side of your neck as he breathes with you, demonstrating and guiding you in the hope you'll copy him.

"good girl," he whispers. his hand lifts and lowers with your breaths, quickly at first but the speed decreases as you calm down bit for bit. "you're doing so good. just a little more now..."

your thoughts are still clouded with anxiety but as more oxygen enters your system, your body relaxes a little. you focus on your breathing as clement's hand leaves your chest and moves down to your side again, moving up and down your ribs. the tears have been rolling down your cheeks for a while, though you haven't noticed until now, and the coldness of the tears brings you back to reality somehow, and you realize;

you're crying in front of clement for the first time ever.

you feel so exposed, naked, vulnerable. sobs begin to escape past your lips once you lean forward to hide your face in the crook of his neck, and he wraps his arms around you. "hey, it's okay," he starts. "everything is going to be okay. i'm here."

he presses a soft peck to your temple as a hand strokes the back of your head. your hair is still bundled up in your fancy hairdo but the halo headband you'd worn for the party is removed, the rest of your cute little white outfit covered up by the oversized hoodie you'd picked up from clement's bedroom floor. his devil's horns, ironic, are a bit crooked but still clipped to his locks.

"sweets, what happened here?" he asks, shuffling around to pull you onto his lap so that it's easier for you to hug him.

your head is still buried in his skin, his mild scent soothing as you sniffle. "i- i-" you groan at the way you aren't able to get any proper words out, the frustration blending with the panic and mixing into one big soup of despair. "i don't know-"

he rubs up and down your back, sighing. "okay, we don't need to talk about this right now. but," clement leans back slightly, taking your face into his hands and tilting your head up towards his. "if my fighting affects you like this, i'll stop it." his eyes are staring straight into your soul, and it feels like he's trying to prove that he really means his words. "you're the most important thing for me right now, i'm not going to lose you over something like this."

clement is shocked by not only his own words, but also his feelings. the two of you haven't been a couple for a long time, and yet, his heart aches at the mere thought of you ever feeling this bad again. he knows he can't let this happen again.

"i promise you that. okay?"

you nod, unable to get any words out, but it's more than enough for clement. he gives your forehead a kiss, and one on your nose, and one on both of your cheeks. then, he makes sure to press a quick one to your mouth so it doesn't feel jealous.

"how about this," he starts and you raise your eyebrows. "i go make us some tea, we drink it, and then we go get some sleep. how does that sound?"

"perfect."

he picks you up and puts you down on the sofa, tucking you in with a blanket before giving you one last peck and disappearing into the kitchen. you can hear his soft humming of a song you'd danced to earlier today, and you relax into the soft cushions.

clement's awareness of his actions, along with his promise to get better, makes a sense of calm wash over you; you allow yourself to believe that maybe, just maybe, everything will turn out alright after all.

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radiocity · 10 months ago

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honestly, what's your take on the l word? atp i can't tell if it's just shit but i'm too far along to stop. the 5th and 6th seasons seem to be done in a complete different tone too and there's so many problematic aspects just slapped in for unecessary drama. still.. i like the main characters a lot and it is representation at the end of the day. Maybe it would've been cooler if they just did more of a 'slice of life' thing instead of 'drama rama cheating on people is like a slip of the hand thing due to the strong nuclear force'

anyway interested in your take, what do you think are the well- and badly- handled aspects of the show, how do you reflect on the story and character building?

stay cool out there (◕‿◕)♡

MY TAKE ON THE L WORD? getting this ask made me so excited you have no idea how much I love talking about the l word. So excited in fact that I wrote 6165 words about it, sorry, I am so severely unemployed right now. here, I talk about my thoughts, some theory, and then break down some of the intrinsic problems with the show, specifically how it thinks about gender and nonconformity, race, and transgender identities, within the scaffolding of it being a show concerned with women who have relationships with other women, rather than necessarily a truth of lesbianism. i’m citing various linked sources and very loosely using an academic approach, but it’s more like a messy collage of sources than it is a fully fleshed out argument and narrative! if you want the tl;dr, I’d recommend scrolling to the final 3 paragraphs

tbh I haven’t watched it in a while but I really want to rewatch the whole thing and go back to my gif series instead of just making random sets (don’t be put off by my absence its bc I was doing my master’s degree and then I got really sick) and maybe thinking so intensely about tlw these past 3 days will inspire me into it .

I’d be really interested in hearing any thoughts on response to any of this, even though it’s not particularly well written or formulated, so feel free to drop a message/reply/response anywhere if u or anyone else is compelled to. anyway response under the cut ->

so, my opening thoughts on the l word revolve around two things: there is nothing about this show that makes it an inherently lesbian show, and that it functions as a product of its time, not in culture but in Hollywood and show running. the imagined audience of TLW isn’t necessarily the modern ‘sapphic’ audience watching things like First Kill (2022), Do Revenge (2022), or Crush (2022) which are all, generally, pointed towards a younger audience seeking things like validation and romantic projection (from what I understand, and I’ll admit I haven’t watched any of these! But I have read synopsis and seen clips, so I’ll watch soon I promise). I do think this conversation has re-emerged a little in the growing conversations about wanting sexy lesbians having sex, which is a conversation that surrounded Love Lies Bleeding (LLB, 2024) for quite a while, repeating this argument that what lesbians want isn’t romance or tension, but sex, real sex, sex on screen and sex on TV. of course, it’s a little difficult for showrunners to ‘do’ sex or sexual content without it being so brazenly for men – and here I’ll step out and say when, in this context, I discuss women being looked at and ‘male gaze’, it’s more under the original theory of laura mulvey that women are objectified by the camera as men are in control of production, and here I’ll link the article (it’s very short, but I refer largely here to section B) – and to equally appeal to women looking at women but who are, equally not free from patriarchal understandings of the ‘correct’ and ‘incorrect’ ways of being attracted to women. I feel a good example of how we saw this was the big tiktok-wide discussion about sapphic cottage-core as an equally white endeavour, a sort of softcore launching of racist white American ideals of frolicking on a plantation. For showrunners to produce sexual lesbian content now, it needs to contend with who will be doing its marketing for them, i.e. a lot of people on tiktok talking about how LLB is for the ‘lesbian gaze’, whatever that means, or that these things are perhaps attractive to men in general, but are specifically geared to being attractive to lesbians specifically. Actually candace Moore, in a really brilliant article (and if u want access and don’t have it… just let me know) describes, through gaze theory, the notion of the straight viewer as a “tourist” and the “traveller”. Here:

Problematizing a distinction between the tourist, who "gladly or unknowingly accepts Disneyland's versions of the world's wonders," and the traveler, who "seeks and knows how to recognize authenticity," Strain argues that perhaps these archetypes are, if not one and the same, both victims to the notion that there is an "authenticity" available to be misrecognized, or grasped, in the first place. (10) But what of the lesbian viewer? (11) At first glance it would seem that the lesbian viewer falls outside of the already-tenuous tourist and traveler distinction, being a "local" intimately familiar with this culture. However, insofar as lesbian spectators are consuming mediated images of themselves, I argue that not only do straight audiences engage in a form of tourism when viewing the The L Word, but lesbian audiences, even those from Southern California, do too. The distinction between the tourist, the traveler, and, in this case, the local-as-consumer becomes blurred. Locals drawn to the latest "lesbian attraction," lesbians enjoy The L Word's eye candy along with straight "tourists." Like straight "travelers," they seek to identify albeit illusory "authentic" elements of the representation. However, for the queer viewer, the mediated reality of the show will never match up to reality. While the tourist and the traveler of The L Word are at base one and the same, the distinction between them lies not in what they are, but what they think they are; how they conceive of their own intentions, levels of "expertise," relationships to the local culture, and the "gains" that they take away--whether they travel for pleasure or for knowledge. It is through the enticement of lesbian sex (a spectacle of attraction for straight and queer viewers alike) and through the wonderment of either "understanding" the other or "recognizing" oneself (fantasy of authenticity), through both "watching from a remove" and "being there," that The L Word captivates its straight and queer tourists.

Pulling away from the academic angle, I don’t agree with the idea of LLB being for a lesbian gaze, nor do I think that TLW was ‘for’ lesbians more than it was ‘enjoyed’ by lesbians – a show that can hit as many audiences at once is a good thing. dennis cass for the slade in 2004 wrote that the L word “often feels like it’s not about being gay at all” and that a lot of what the show presents is pretty removed from any lesbian experience as we know it, additionally writing on bette and tina’s marriage counselling that they “aren’t merely in couples therapy, they’re seeing one of L.A.’s hottest personal gurus—that you not only forget they’re lesbians, but that they live on Earth.” A pretty accurate read for how removed a lot of TLW is from anything, and, to me, sort of bypasses any notion of ‘representation’ by just how fantastical it is. ginia bellafante also wrote in 2009, after s6 aired, that “’The L Word’ is a Sapphic Playboy fantasia in which women with wrinkles or squishy thighs or an aversion to lingerie appear to have been flagged down on the freeway with urgent instructions to move to Seattle”. basically, yeah

TLW itself is very clearly appealing to its heterosexual audiences at the same time it appeals to lesbians, even through the same mechanisms – the character’s conventional attractiveness, their skinniness, their lack of bras and how you can 9/10 times see their nipples through their shirts, and all the lesbian sex shown in as much detail as they could get away with – and that is the core driving force of the show in a lot of ways. we can’t really have another TLW today for the same reasons that all media from the early 2000s has shifted to give women more complex characters, arcs, appearances, and functions – and that’s a good thing, obviously – which in turn demonstrates the lack of these things the characters in TLW actually had. At its core, it’s sexy and men are the people behind the companies getting it on TV, not necessarily specific men but the shadow of patriarchy and how women exist on the screen. This isn’t to say media creation and output has become a liberal utopia for women’s rights, but rather there has definitely been a shift in how women exist on screen and what roles they were given before – think easy fast and furious, or megan fox in transformers, or even how very popular musicians styled themselves and appeared to the massive; Shakira, Jennifer lopez, Britney spears, etc – which, to me, reflects a way in which TLW capitalises off the straight heteropatriarchy in its desire to show sexy women at all times, always available to be ogled. in a way, this sorta aligns with bellafante’s observation that the show had ‘never aligned itself with the traditionalist ambitions of a large faction of the gay rights movement’ (written in 2009, 6 years before gay marriage was legalised in the us) – the liberator in the l word is sex, and that’s what all the characters are constantly aiming for, nothing else. Similarly, the show gets so obsessed with defining who or what a lesbian is (throughout the whole of s1 as they look for signs of lesbianism in jenny, with jenny at that party, or with dana talking about her ‘gaydar’, and so by doing this it turns lesbianism into a visual brand, something that be hidden in plain sight, appeasing both the hetrosexual viewer and the lesbian seeker - Martina Ladendorf describes a branding of lesbian identities through TLW in a form of “thingification”, and so “the representations of lesbian identities are discursively displaced and the identity position “lesbian” is partially filled with new meanings in the televised text of The L-word.” Ladendorf offers a far more generous reading than I do – to me, a lot of TLW needs to extrapolate lesbians from their womanhood and vice versa, creating a sort of woman who is a lesbian, rather than, simply, a lesbian

naturally, the l word is inherently a misogynist show , and in a lot of ways I think it’s unavoidable to think about when it comes to discussing schematics or opinions of the show, it’s a show full of, in the words of liz feldman in this interview, ‘beautiful lesbians with just nothing but time on their hands… and just somehow also money’. Obviously, the stereotypes the show puts forwards make it feel pretty cheap at time, and when the show ventures out into attempting to either tackle or just include plotlines about poverty, racism, transphobia, infidelity, (or plotlines it totally avoids, like conversations on butchness, gender non-conformity, or transfemininity), it honestly just gets stranger and stranger, not to mention the very active racism present in the show, via how pam grier’s character was written, handled, and expanded upon when she was by far one of the most skilled and seasoned actors on the show. a lot of issues I and other people have are through this lens, and hence why a lot of the pushback focuses on how little was understood about trans people in mainstream media back then, or how the show was just such a landmark moment that it was purely reflective of the times so it’s just nit-picking to be pointing out all its negative parts, which isn’t a sentiment I agree with at all, and instead I think of the l word as being both progressive and problematic for these reasons. Even as an addition, I feel like TLW is why we just don’t really need more tv shows like the L word… because we have the L word, and it’d be nice if we could have something different

so, when I talk about and recommend the l word I usually put it in these terms: season 1 is a phenomenal piece of storytelling and such a compelling way to create and introduce a show all about lesbianism to a world that is not filled with parallel lesbians, but rather is the only show on air in the world doing that exactly, and, following that, season 4 gets a little art deco and experimental as it pushes its characters through new, meaningful struggle, like tasha working in the military under ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ (fuck the army though), max living his new reality as a trans man (yeah it was dealt with horribly), bette dating jodi and this inviting so much conversation about art, disability, and deafness into the mix, and, in other ways, jenny and tina working together on her show, helena’s… gambling addiction or whatever, kit’s nonsense relationship shane’s nonsensical relationship. Imo these two seasons show the best of what the L word has to offer, which is, in S1, a sensitive introduction that pushes jenny through the wringer as she really becomes herself and takes hold of her destiny, and then in S4, these characters all essentially performing at their apex, in love, making mistakes, trying again, to the best of the l word’s ability to show any of this (relatively speaking, it’s the best TLW ever gets)

with all this in mind, I do think the show thrives in really profound ways at times. The real hook of it is, and always has been, season 1, which is just this ferociously strong exploration in television about such a serious sensitive topic, jenny’s coming out. a lot of criticism sort of facetiously responds to jenny’s character by focusing on her writing quality (which I honestly thought was fine lol!), and will ignore sincerely engaging with her in favour of laughing at how bad her character became as the writer’s lost the plot more and more, but I really do think that jenny in the first two seasons was just phenomenal, and mia kirshner’s fantastic meditative performance just stole the entire show for me. In season 1 as we are introduced to the show and their world through jenny’s process of coming out and ripping her life apart at the seams to live her ideal life (even if it was very explosive with marina and didn’t end well), which I just thought was such captivating writing about that moment of choice, where a character has to decide whether or not they’ll live their easy life or do the difficult thing. one of the scenes I have always come back to is in s1 where jenny has sex with tim and cries afterwards because that moment for her is the one where she realises she just can’t do it anymore, and seeing that in the show was just really otherworldly for me, I loved it and I thought it was amazing, and then later on in season 2 where jenny asks shane to cut her hair for her – a real splitting off from her regular, comfortable life, to ‘become’ a lesbian in heart and soul, was again just another moment where the writing and directing teams could really show some muscle in just how good the show could be, before dropping all presences and going back to whatever drivel they’d been doing. As a more technical note on the show, the inconsistent directors and writing is really hilarious, and sometimes the drop in quality between episodes is… staggering, to say the least

tbh s1 functions well as a drama-comedy mix because those scenes, as well as tina and bette’s fertility journey, is spliced within the rest of the nonsense going on, which I felt crafted this really enjoyable diametric swing throughout . arguably more than anything, jenny’s coming out was the best and most meaningful part of the show, and I really haven’t seen much other lesbian media hold a candle to it (though I could name a few). What they did with jenny as the show went on was disappointing to say the least, but s2 had a lot of heart in it as they attempted to have her coming to terms with her abuse (naturally, having finally discovered herself in s1) and focus more on what makes her happy – her writing. As the show continued to develop and jenny’s character just morphed into this unrecognisable thing, I even still think mia kirshner could perform such a charming take on it that I never really aligned myself to a lot of the jenny hate people joke about

other drama aspects in mind, like bette and tina’s marriage falling apart, bette’s other relationships (bette always seems to be the one facing the ‘serious problems), and even dana’s cancer and subsequent death, I thought were generally handled… ‘well’. Dana’s cancer worked interestingly within this as, while it was kind of bizarre, I think the relationship between alice and dana was a real life force on the show for a while, and that whole situation meant that alice could go through some real, meaningful growth in her character which she’d been a little starved of to that point. perhaps my thoughts are that when the show focuses on cheating as the only method of things falling apart, that’s when it really starts to fumble, because cheating at that level is such a sitcom-only esque plotline that removes a lot of reality you might be looking for and finding charming in these shows. Equally, I just think cheating can be quite an alienating plotline!

But, to talk about writing alone, my god it gets shit. Various parts of the writing I remember disliking off the top of my head are dana’s season 2 girlfriend which turns into a weird trope of the pretty girls vs the ‘uglier’ one (her then-gf), when the max arc is in full swing (though I’ll be clear as well and say I loved Daniel Sea’s acting within the role, however bad the writing was), papi and the racism that guided the writers in constructing her character, the random plotline of the guy living with shane and jenny in season 2 (though I thought it could have been really interesting, almost a meta comment on men watching lesbians, men watching the l word, men watching lesbians in media). Helena’s entire character was a little baffling to me, and while I did enjoy her at times and thought she was a hilarious addition to the cast, I just had no clue exactly what she was doing. Parts of the shows ideology itself is equally harmful, like alice and dana shopping for strap-ons (bc alice is bisexual and therefore loves penetrative sex, and dana is a lesbian and therefore doesn’t), or just that the shows ensemble cast reflects the background, and everyone is cis white thin feminine, etc. until they’re not, like ivan or papi, or Dylan..? (or a character’s non-whiteness function as a sort of ethnic flair to them, say papi and carmen being Latina and that being their exciting ‘exotic’ traits), that floods the show with a very recognisable sort of white Hollywood liberalism, and if we can understand and comprehend that, we get a good working frame for the rest of what’s going on. as alice and tasha were arguing about the military it was, of course, them trying to suggest that alice is this very liberal character who disagrees with the war and tasha’s politics, but not enough to…. Break things off with her. Instead (fashion tumblr user steps in) she even joins in this roleplay and dresses more femininely around her, growing out her hair a little and everything – and alice in general usually had a pretty fluid sense of style, so it was an… interesting choice. And then Jamie shows up for some reason (and is similarly one of the very few reoccurring Asian characters on the show – her, Catherine (one of helena’s stupid love interests) and adele (who is not serious); actually to make a side note on how this show was received, there was even a petition to get the character’s from alice wu’s Saving Face (which is a brilliant movie, and you should watch it) to be on the show and bring more Asian representation, from autumn 2008)

One episode I think is pretty good for reading the ethos of how TLW engages with women who aren’t their ‘ideals’ is shown is, imo, episode 3? 4? of season 1, where lacey is harassing shane for moving on from her. Lacey is one of the very few characters who leans a little more into being gender nonconforming, yes still with the full face of makeup, but with heavy punk-ish eye makeup, short hair, leather jacket, a demanding attitude, (and she’s not fat, but definietely has more weight on her than any of the verrrrry skinny main cast), and all-in-all embodies a kind of paltry attempt at TLW at bringing in someone with more of an edge, perhaps a modern day masc we might imagine – she’s really one of the only women I can think of on the show, let alone women that shane gets with, who isn’t an ultra-feminine character with long hair, tall, skinny, petite frame, etc. devoid of reality, the show really pushes on her as this over-demanding woman who reactedly badly to shane using her and moving on, and of course the show is trying to show us that shane uses people without much care for them, but doing so through lacey lets you sympathise more with shane than it would if they’d brought in a far more feminine woman who could play that damsel in distress role through looks alone. Lacey’s problems are like a pet or a child’s wherein you do what they want (in this case, another 1 night stand) to appease them, and then you get them off your back. The writing itself is very bizarre, but the fact that they used a woman who was just a little left of centre from the standard the show had set of these beautiful women in Hollywood, demonstrates enough

likewise, to go from here and talk about gender non-conformity, one of the strangest lines on the show was always kit in season 3 episode 9 saying “It just saddens me to see so many of our strong butch girls giving up their womanhood to be a man” – why she said that, I don’t know, some sort of meditation on her bizarre relationship with ivan perhaps? But that relationship fell apart because ivan was… not a man… and couldn’t be a man… whereas max is a man and could be a man, so I just don’t know.

Kit: Why can't you be the butchest butch in the world... and keep your body? Max: Because I wanna feel whole.

and he is so punished for that split away from butchness into transness, even by the woman who is notably placed outside of the lesbianism of the show – which is arguably worse than having one of the lesbians come at him for it, as kit is more or less representative of “the rest of the world” in these types of conversations, pushing max away from transition while the lesbians of the show, the ones who, you would imagine, have had some sort of intersection with transness once before (again, notably shane, who, as part of her traumatic backstory, was mistaken for a boy when she was a teenager and was paid by men to give them a handjobs) . instead the show curiously places kit there as some voice of reason, and the rest of the lesbian cast are kind of fast and loose with the whole thing. when they do talk about butchness in s3e3, it’s just bizarre. Pre-transition max pulls shane with him to unpack the car as “us butches”, and carmen giggles and jokingly calls shane a “big butch” even though, again, she’s the closest thing the show gets to reoccurring butchism, and is likely seen and imagined as butch by a lot of the people watching . at dinner later on in the episode, they make a joke about him not being “stone butch”… as if that’s a way of measuring masculinity rather than a sexual identity, before shane interrupts the conversation to say “You know what, what difference does it make whether someone is butch or femme?”. again, she is the butchest one at the table, and very notable not butch, but has gone up so close to the border before, you really wonder… why. Why there is such intense resolution to not make her butch, but really it’s because TLW functions in the absence of the butch – alice eler puts it succinctly: “The L-Word asserts that a “femme” lesbian woman is more desirable than a “butch” lesbian.”

In tlw, butch and femme are always roles played rather than realities lived, so it defaults to femininity being ‘standard’ - and this is where, imo, a lot of reaction to max’s transition hinges on. If the show can’t allow any character to firmly be ‘butch’, so when a character takes on butchness as a passage to realising his truth, that he is a trans man, it pulls out all the ugly thoughts and feelings held by certain lesbians about trans men who were, previously, identifying as lesbians/butch lesbians. Here, it really creates a perfect storm for TLW to uphold dangerous ideology (how they showed max’s transition was horrible), and justifying their cis lesbian audience’s response (they got angry that the only character who transgressed gender went ‘too far’ with it, essentially, living his truth in a way they didn’t like). I imagine, if TLW had functioning butch characters on the show, this all might’ve played out differently, but if TLW let go of its standard of femininity, then it… isn’t sexy, becoming too lesbian and too trans and alienates its non-lesbian audience, getting too deeply invested in its lesbianism than it is with its glamour. An interview with Ilene chiaken that gets thrown around a lot is here: on max, “She’s our first real butch on the show — a fabulously attractive butch, but nonetheless a real butch,” Chaiken said. “And we deal with the issue of gender. We wanted to tell that story, a big story in the gay community and, in the last couple years, a huge story in the lesbian community.” it’s an interesting statement for sure– gender transgression has always been a part of lesbianism (read any book ever), and with the advent of the internet and online communities – afterellen being founded in 2002 – more conversations could be had by lesbians from all walks of life, from any economic background or lived reality of race, ability, anything. jack halberstam writes interestingly in Transgender Butch about butch/ftm borders that,

The distinction that some butches need to make between lesbianism and butchness hinges on a distinction between sexual and gender identities. Lesbian, obviously, refers to sexual preference and to some version of the “woman-loving woman.” Butch, on the other hand, bears a complex relation of disidentification with femininity and femaleness and, in terms of sexual orientation, could refer to “woman-loving butch” or “butch-loving butch.

butchness, and max’s ex-butchness, is never truly interacted or responded to in the show – ivan states he doesn’t mind being referred to as a he, shane half-heartedly defends butchism by asking her friends to stop talking about it, and max finds himself as a man through a meaningful identification with butchism and ‘disidentification’ with femininity to then finding a reidentification with not just masculinity, but manhood, which lends way to him truly discovering himself. Curiously, in response to this, this reidentification is one step too far, and suddenly its actually ok to be butch on the l word. The rest of the cast seems to ask him over and over again, why by a man? Why not be butch? But in the world of TLW, to be butch and to be trans are both radical acts of nonconformity, to disidentify is to no longer be the thing that sells, so you very fundamentally cannot do any of it – lisa the male lesbian in s1 is played for laughs as a transmisogynist punchline, and carmen giggling at the idea of shane being butch (and thus disidentifying) demonstrates that this is equally hilarious.

from this angle, i feel that TLW functions primarily as a show about women attracted to women, not lesbians attracted to lesbians (lesbian as gender, as identifier, as being). Immovable womanhood is the centre of everything, constructing familiarity, and to stray is to exit safe perimeters that TLW establishes within unradical, conformist, cisgendered white femininity. candace Moore, again, writes that TLW “positions lesbianism as a sensibility, not a sexuality. This is particularly important because as a sensibility, lesbianism can potentially be co-opted by straight viewers.”

of course, it would be remiss to fail in mentioning that much of this discussion about tlw’s association to butchness is very much within whiteness as well – we can argue that tasha is a stud even if she never says the word herself, her specific attraction being to “girly girls” and her riding a motorbike, always with a more masculine wardrobe, and being in the……. Army………. Really aligns her with this sentiment. I do think she’s a stud, but this being off the back of the show’s depiction of max sits so strangely, and we can’t ignore that her blackness is so instinctually connected to how they wrote her – in a world where no one else can be a butch, why then is the only dark skinned black lesbian more masculine leaning than the rest of them? yes, racism, and all tied in to her nationalism and dedication to the army. It’s certainly an interesting choice for the writers to make and, while she is one of my favourites in the whole show, I definitely have a lot of pause with why she was written and created the way she was, and what she offers the show politically – she holds space as a particularly vulnerable body, a dark skin black stud lesbian, but maintains the status quo of the country and of American imperialism. What’s the message? Even the most unavailable of lesbians can still be patriots??? the individual's physical unfuckable body is still acessible through american aligience?

As later seasons continued to get worse, parts I did really enjoy were tasha’s entire character, molly’s entire character, seeing tina ‘get her life back’ as it were and return to painting, jodi’s entire character, all the music featured, and bette and tina getting back together was really well written and laurel holloman and Jennifer beals are just two very strong actors steering that ship, and random moments throughout I really enjoyed (specifically bette’s professional life gave a lot of breathing room for the show to have other funny little characters, like her office assistants etc) that I’m struggling to remember here rn tbh but generally even as the show was getting bad, the more ridiculous things got the more fun I was having, but the later seasons ‘drama’ was a little painful. If it had started as a drama and then shifted into something more palatable, I think it would’ve been great, but really anything that wasn’t season 6 would have been fine.. just such an unforgiving and cruel way to end the show, and I thought adding jenny to the mix of toxic sad relationships after leaving her straight life and coming to terms with her abuse was such a mean-spirited and cruel way to end it IDK! And this is why the l word FAILS as a sitcom, bc at least usually (to my knowledge) the idea is that at the end… they’re kinda happy and stepping into another new life with some stability and lifelong friends!!! But instead TLW said fuck you and I hate you

anyway yeah closing thoughts… if you watch TLW without even thinking about representation I think it’s an easy watch, bc what I was watching it for is psycho lesbians who don’t act normally and that’s what I got. All caricatures of themselves or whatever they’re performing in the shadows of, and, in a way – and maybe this is a little weird to say – but I think the lesbians in the show are, to me, like watching a species of lesbian that I myself am not. Which is a shame because, if I recall correctly, a lot of those musical performances in the show were about exposing the world to lesbian music that broke the norm and went against the stereotype of music people associated with lesbians at the time, showing them on the cutting edge of new sound, which somehow did not cross into the actual meat of the show at all. And I haven’t spoken at all about it here, but a lot of those musical features are my favourite parts of the show and made some of those scenes just electric, magical parts of storytelling on tv

to address the “you”/I in what “I think”, and this one actually is TMI, when I first watched the L word, it was when I had really just finished coming to terms with my own lesbianism back in late 2021, early 2022 (I was gay and trans before this, but hiding from myself and my sexuality and my gender in complex ways, living a sort of double life online and offline – this was more an unforgiving reckoning with who I was vs what the life I was leading looked like). i was finally letting myself think about it holistically, reflecting on conversion therapy and how I navigated my desires and my identity. I wrote a lot of melodramatic diary entries and was trying to figure out how to handle a 3 year long semi-formed, confusing, and impressively undefined ‘situation’ship I was in with a guy while I was living alone during a gap year. all I really did in this time was go to the gym, go on walks, go to therapy, and think… a lot. by the time I started watching TLW I had come to terms with my lesbianism (and its inextricable relationship to my gender), but watching jenny go through something I had basically been in the thick of myself (just without all the sex and the cheating and the sex and the sex and the sex), and was, at that point, yet to experience the real horror of, meant a lot to me, and, just from some reading online, I’ve understood too how the early seasons of TLW really helped a lot of other lesbians come out to themselves or start thinking about where they might sit in relation to lesbianism. again, TLW fails time and time again at any sort of political radicalism, but when you’re so, so painfully alone and you don’t really have anyone to talk to about these desires, or even have the strength to talk about these things out loud, I do think somehow the unabashed desire flung around the screen of TLW does one thing, and that is to declare that lesbianism doesn’t have to be in your head, and that even good change can be really difficult when it’s something like this, and that, to me, was the best thing TLW added to the conversation about lesbian TV and reflects, for a lot of lesbians who find themselves trying to navigate repression and abuse, the experience that we’re still moving through: taking hold of our lives with our own hands

beyond that, beyond being a story about transformation – which I do think really permeates the first season (dana coming out to the world and to her parents; shane learning how to love or whatever the fuck genuinely; tina and bette trying and failing and trying to live the life they’d always dreamt of; marina navigating her own bad relationship through a sort of uncaring outwards desire; bette ‘choosing’ the wrong path from her married life and cheating; kit re-entering the world of professional music and working hard to get into that music video thing situation – I think s1 is just such a rare gem of tv, that had so many flaws in it and so much was mishandled, but it came to it all with a lot of heart. But still that same angle is what alienates it from reality and sets it up as this fantasy land of woman-who-engage-in-lesbianism and abstractifies lesbian reality to make way for lesbian (or straight) fantasies of standard hegemony with a little zest. As it goes on however, it falls so hard to the more difficult aspects already clear at its start, and dramatizes their sexual escapades and relationships endlessly in a way that gives, says, and does nothing. jill dolan describes it well, albeit more positively than I have here: “part of the fun has become to simply go with it, to enjoy its excesses of character and plot and to tolerate its rather sweetly absurd attempts at relevance and authenticity.” and you really can ‘go with it’ for a while, but to put it shortly, TLW is not a show worth following to the end of the earth

#anonymous #asks #the l word #tlw

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wizardfrog69 · 2 years ago

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Helppp ii just watched girl interrupted and i have an idea, yosano as an mental hospital doctor(idk how to call it, just a person who helps with the patients😭) and her mentee nb s/o whos a patient here, s/o might have borderline disorder if u want

Sorry if its complicated or cringey 💀, just a random though of my head

I just watched girl interrupted and it's a good film 10/10 would recommend, I also read some more about bpd but I'm probably gonna read more. So idk if s/o is supposed to be a mentee or patient so ill go with patient. Thanks for the request! :)

'•.¸♡ patient ♡¸.•'

Psychologist!Yosano x mentally ill!gn!reader

I'm not a mental health professional so I'm not gonna mention the mental illness cuz I could portrait it wrong or something and I don't want to mislead people and this isn't romanticising any sort of mental illness!

Fluff

Tw!!! Suicidal thoughts

If this subject is triggering in anyway please do not read, your mental wellbeing is more important.

Masterlist

Enjoy! :)

You just signed yourself into a mental hospital to get better, you were promised this place was going to make you feel way better. The hospital halls were as meek and blank as one would expect, dull colours and emptiness for the most part. The room you were assigned was a bit more lively yet the bars on the windows made you feel like you were trapped there for entirety.

Your days there were miserable and boring, there was nothing to do there, not like there was anything to do at home either, if you were home you would probably be laying in bed sleeping or looking at the ceiling think up little stories in your head. Here you could stare at a different wall and a roommate telling you about something which you only drowned out to be background noise.

You had forgotten why you signed yourself in, if you were completely honest with yourself you felt as though there was no hope left for you, people should have just let you to die but they couldn't and had to intervene.

The hospital made you see a new doctor, you've never seen her before but many of the other patients there said she was only there to steal their money and she works for the capitalists as do all therapist and others, or that's what you believed, maybe you were just told to believe that and everything you believe in is a thought forced upon you by someone else.

You were told to walk into an office and as soon as you saw your new doctor your swore your heart skipped a beat or two. She must have realised you weird around her because she told you it was okay to sit down. She must have thought you were nervous, hopefully she doesn't know how you feel about her, she was so beautiful and her voice was like heaven to your ears.

The only thing you looked forward in your day was visiting her in her office where you talk about everything and anything but your feelings for her, she us your doctor after all and you didn't want to see another one. All you had on your mind was her, when you awoke, during breakfast, lunch, dinner, when you stared at the TV screen the only thing you thought about was her and her only.

How long has it been now, 5 months? 6? You had a plan to confess your feelings and you knew you were getting out soon you wanted to ask doctor Yosano to see you after you left.

You entered her office as per usual but this time she drew your attention to your smile, it was the first time she saw a genuine smile from you. You told her you had a surprise for her but only if she could confirm that you would be leaving some time soon. You didn't hate the place just that it wasn't a place for you, with all the people and all and beside you couldn't do anything with sharp objects so how were you possible supposed to cook?

After carefully confirming you would be leaving that week you decided to ask her to meet you a day after your leave from the hospital in a park near by. She agreed to your little idea because you seemed so happy from it.

You were waiting at the park, sitting on a cold bench. You saw Yosano approach the bench and you stood up. 'I need to tell you something Ako.' Yosano smiled to herself from the nickname you've been calling her a while. 'What is it?' She asked in her usual tone. 'I think I like you, like I want to spend time with you and stuff.' Your eyes were filled with hope, completely different from the ones which saw the hospital for the first time.

Yosano didn't know how to respond, you were no longer her patient so it could workout but could the two of you really work out? She asked you to take a walk while she can think about it and decide while talking to one another. After walking for a few minutes she decided to date you as she also developed feelings for you over time.

༺♡༻ 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 ⋆ 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 ༺♡༻

As you can tell I have no idea how Yosano's personality is.

I'm really bad at ending stuff.

I'm thinking of writing more for anyone from the ada but idk who or what I should write yet.

Have a wonderful day/night and don't forget to drink plenty of water and stay safe! :)

-lots of love, Az

#bsd x reader #yosano x reader #yosano akiko #bungou stray dogs yosano #yosano akiko x reader #bsd yosano #bsd #bungo stray dogs

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1kook · 4 years ago

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crunchyroll & rail

the 10th installment of my netflix & chill series !

SUMMARY Never mind the fact you really like Sailor Moon, or that you really want to pay attention to every little detail; the moment becomes Jungkook and his big smile and his red cheeks and the tiny box he produces from within his pocket. WARNINGS smut in the forms of making out, jk nipple play, some 69 action, cunnilingus, blowjobs, brief choking, jk trying his best to listen to oc but he doesn’t rlly :/, fingering, missionary bc his eyes are pretty, unprotected fuckin raw, its romantic but when is it not… MISC fluffy and domestic <3, weekend getaway <3, the Big Question, shy jk, sailor moon supremacy, jk makes this big elaborate speech about the sun and moon, mentions of 240p YouTube quality, RATING m (18+) WC 8.7k

NOTE (!) the smut in this chapter is relatively short ! I was more concerned with writing this monumental step in their relationship, so sorry to all the lads who come here specifically for the p0rn but today we focus on the l0ve <333 anyway nc 10!!!!! Can u fuckin believe….

Jungkook mentions it at the dinner table one night. You’re not eating— well, you are not eating; Jungkook has been stocking up on his protein intake like a madman —but finishing up some work you had brought home. Your back aches, your eyes burn. The mere sound of his soft voice has all those feel-good endorphins shooting through your nervous system like a shot of adrenaline. “We should take a trip,” he says, fork clattering against his plate to signify the end of his feast.

Your fingers tap across your keyboard, eyes flickering between an Excel sheet and the report you’re typing out. It takes you a moment to respond, a delayed, “huh,” that even Jungkook doesn’t find convincing.

In the background, you’re listening to what has to be one of the worst voiceovers of the original Sailor Moon series in a language you don’t even understand. But you know the series like the back of your hand, know what exactly is happening even if you don’t understand what they’re saying, because you’ve watched it only about a million times. It’s mostly just there for background purposes anyway, some white noise to try and replicate the noisy soundtrack of your office.

To make matters worse—complicated?—, you had been too lazy to get onto your usual pirating sites and had settled for the five minute, five part, 240p clips of Sailor Moon on YouTube (you know the ones), and Jungkook has to wait until Episode 74: Part ⅖ ends before you grace him with a proper response. “Where do you wanna go, baby?” you ask, giving your eyes a break from the data as you move to scour YouTube for Episode 74: Part 3/5.

He’s stretching back now, arms wound up above his head. His hair— god, his hair —is an ashy color now, a faded version of its golden ancestor from a few months ago. Soon, he’s planning on going back to brown, claims he’s getting too old to be dying his hair, whatever that means. For now, you watch his inked fingers run through his scalp; he looks delectable. Maybe you’re hungrier than you initially thought. Or at least thirstier. “A cabin,” he suggests, and he offers this little half shrug that would otherwise seem normal had you not been well-versed in the art of Jungkook Body Language. His front teeth nibble at his lip, eyes laser focused on his empty plate. Even now, he still gets nervous asking you out. That thought alone makes your ego soar as high as an airplane. “Just something small.”

Usually, “something small” with Jungkook ends up being something big and, in most cases, something expensive. Which you’re totally not opposed to— you’re at the point in your relationship where you don’t even bother trying to dissuade Jungkook from showering you with gifts. It’s one of his many, many, many, many forms of loving you and, well, he knows you like the back of his hand. He rarely misses.

Lo and behold, it is a grander affair than a simple cabin. “Well, it’s more like a resort,” he confesses, reaching across the table for your hand. Immediately, his thumb finds itself rubbing over the simple band of your promise ring. “Just wanna do something nice for you. I know you’ve been tired lately,” he adds on, voice a quiet murmur that nearly gets lost under the intensity of the pout that appears whenever he becomes even the slightest bit bashful.

You smile, the fondness in your heart skyrocketing to impossible heights when he lifts your hand to press those pretty petal lips against your knuckles. “Well, just let me know when,” you tell Jungkook. “So I can request time off from work.”

Episode 74: Part 3/5 starts playing after an ad, and you’d pause it for the sake of preserving this moment with Jungkook, but it’s hidden under so many tabs on your laptop that you lose it the second you leave the tab. Jungkook’s head tilts to the side, sending his ashy locks cascading beautifully. “You know that show is on Crunchyroll,” Jungkook says, seemingly moving past his bout of shyness now. “And you have the password.”

“Do I,” you murmur, but he’s lost you once more, your true talent of typing with one hand showing itself as you return to your Excel sheet, the other still firmly squeezed in his grasp. Jungkook releases soon enough anyway, cleans up the table quickly, and disappears off into the kitchen. He sings when he washes the dishes, likes to pretend he’s a terrible singer even though you’ve told him countless times he could easily take X Factor by storm. (And you know exactly what it takes to wow those judges— you spent the entire last month psychotically watching multiple X Factor seasons from multiple different countries, nearly considered joining the damn audition yourself.) The horribly dubbed Sailor Moon is yelling now, shrieking really, and Jungkook calls from the kitchen, “don’t forget to take your contacts out, sweetheart.”

It’s domestic and it's nerve-wracking.

You want Jungkook, that much is a fact. Aristotle and Socrates and that other guy could debate the philosophical intricacies of the world, turn this dimension in on itself until it was a scrambled mess of emotion and thought, but the one thing they could never change, could never even question, is your love for your boyfriend. You want Jungkook badly, but more importantly, you want Jungkook forever.

And you’re sure Jungkook probably, maybe, hopefully feels that way too. But the way you feel is… slightly concerning to say the least. For starters, you’re convinced your love for Jungkook was meant to be, and that’s saying a lot coming from you. You’re not one for cheesy, soulmate tales— that was more Jungkook’s thing —but the more you think about it, the more you become convinced that you and Jungkook were destined to meet. Like the planets aligned one year, the stars conferred, a tectonic plate somewhere in California shifted; whatever it may have been, something happened somewhere that led to the birth of this beautiful romance of yours.

Lately, being with Jungkook has this inexplicably fiery feeling blossoming in your chest, these waves of emotion that sometimes have you fantasizing about the weirdest of scenarios with him. Like yelling at him for not taking the garbage out on time, or bumping into each other as you make dinner in the kitchen, or buying a new rug together.

(Most drastically, the other day, you had a dream where you were pregnant and Jungkook was there and there was a house and a dog and an annoyingly friendly neighbor and this god-awful tile in the bathroom.)

Long story short, you’ve been fantasizing about a forever with Jungkook. The concerning part is the timing; was this too early? You’re nearly halfway through your second year with Jungkook now, and you know most people date for many, many years before the mere thought of union even occurs to them. In another life, maybe you were the same, would have held off until the very last moment. But with Jungkook things just feel right (at least for you), like there wasn’t going to be anyone else after him. And you sincerely hoped there wouldn’t be.

You slump back into your seat, eyes fluttering shut. Too many thoughts swirl around your mind, and the screech of the Sailor Moon voiceover on screen certainly doesn’t help. How you managed to spiral that far down your thoughts in the span of one 240p, five minute clip of a larger episode amazes even you. To add onto your worries, the clip abruptly ends and Episode 74: Part ⅘ is nowhere in sight, a fact that draws a frustrated moan out of the already sensitive you.

Luckily, Jungkook eventually returns, standing closely behind you. His presence is enormous, the room suddenly overflowing with a shit ton of those feel-good endorphins all over again, except this time they reach an all-time high when he leans over and quietly shuts your laptop. “Come sleep,” he says softly, and it’s a pleasant mixture of his genuinely caring voice and that horndog purr of his that lures you into bed. And it’s that same voice that croons softly into your ear, fingers nestled between your folds until you’re orgasming yourself into a deep slumber.

Much to no one’s surprise, the cabin turns out to be quite the luxurious lodging; two floors of dark oak everywhere you turn, a stunning stone fireplace in the bedroom, and a truly breathtaking view of the resort’s snowy hill (read: front row seats to watch all the snowboarders and skiers wipe out in the snow). Jungkook had splurged quite the pretty penny on it, so you make a point to clap it up for him when he first opens the door to your temporary home for the weekend.

The main bedroom is beyond words. It’s got an attached balcony (that you doubt you’ll be using in this chilly weather), and a wooden canopy bed that makes you feel like a royal (that you will certainly be using). It’s separated into two areas, the bed space and a tiny entertainment area on the other side of the room. Perhaps the best thing about the room— and the cabin itself —is the huge, smart TV mounted above said stone fireplace and the fact it allows the phone mirroring option in lieu of not having any streaming sites. And as is with every and anything to do with televisions, Jungkook is the most excited of the two of you. “Baby, look,” he beams, pointing excitedly at whatever he’s got mirrored onto the television this time. Knowing him, it’s probably another documentary.

You had the forethought to finish your work before the trip, spent two days in the office going absolutely ham on this month’s final reports until your department head promptly sent you home to finish the rest there. You had given yourself a fright upon entering the bathroom that night, the state of your under eyes so severe, you feared it was sufficient cause for a national emergency. Similarly, Jungkook had done the same with his work, cooped himself up in his study until he was free from the shackles of capitalism for the weekend. All this to say you’ve missed him these past few days.

But even though you’re sorely malnourished in the affection department and craving a good kiss or two, you wouldn’t dare interrupt one of Jungkook’s little nerdy, tech-induced fanboy moments. They’re cute, in their own geeky way, providing some insight to a mellower side of your boyfriend who looks on with childlike wonder; Jungkook’s eyes always get so big when he talks about nerdy stuff. You get to work hanging up the silk shirt he packed for tomorrow night’s fancy dinner at the resort, listening to some British narrator’s detailed description of the functionally extinct Northern white rhinos living under 24-hour surveillance in Kenya.

(Jungkook’s really into nature documentaries again, had spent a few nights sniffling as he watched that one Koko the gorilla film.)

The original plan was to head to the nearest store and whip up something small to eat at the cabin. But Jungkook is a little tired from the long drive, slumps down into the couch in front of the now lit fireplace like a limbless blob as he tunes into his documentary. His nose is a little red from the outside chill. It’s so cute. He’s so cute. You love him so much, you fear you’ll accidentally squeeze his cheeks to death. It’s a thought that occurs more times than you’d like.

According to the pamphlet on the nightstand, the resort has its own room-service to order from. Normally you would do that, but not this time; you had gotten into a bit of a squabble with the man at the front desk after he had tried to withhold Jungkook’s reservation for arriving two minutes past your check-in time, called each other all sorts of names before he backed down and gave you your room key. So you’re still a little salty, to say the least. Instead, you settle in for some pizza in front of the huge TV, calling up the nearest place to order some of Jungkook’s and your favorites.

You plop down beside him, instinctively cuddling closer when he wraps an arm around your shoulders. “So,” you start, flipping through the rest of the resort’s introductory pamphlet. There’s a loud roar on screen. In all honesty, you didn’t even know what Northern white rhinos sounded like until then, and you probably never would have if not for the man beside you. “What are you in the mood for tonight, sweet boy?”

You’re not sure if it’s the fatigue or the overall relaxed vibes he’d been exuding since the moment you entered the cabin, but Jungkook is weirdly cooperative today. “Whatever you want,” he responds, head on your shoulder. He even places the remote in your hands, gives your enclosed fist a gentle tap as if he’s just handed you the secret to eternal youth. In other words, it’s a rare sight to behold. “This is your trip, pretty girl.”

You appreciate the sentiment, but feel the need to clear the air, tucking your feet up onto the couch as you snuggle closer. “Our trip,” you clarify, and snatch the remote anyway before he changes his mind.

Jungkook releases a quiet huff of laughter, head rolling back against the couch cushions to display his thick, juicy neck that definitely doesn’t awaken any vampiric tendencies in you. “We can even watch some anime if you want,” he murmurs, casually throwing an arm around your shoulders in a way that would have made any teenage girl in the early 2000s squeal with excitement. It’s one of those barely there touches, but the way he holds you makes you feel so safe and warm and loved. So loved and in love. “The ones on Crunchyroll, though.”

For the sake of preserving these good vibes (and your ears [and Jungkook’s sanity]), you navigate to the Crunchyroll app on your phone, quickly finding your latest obsession and mirroring it onto the big television before Jungkook can react. “Sailor Moon?” he asks with a tone that implies a feigned interest, mostly out of respect for you; he’s, sadly, still not the big dorky anime fan you had hoped to convert him into.

“In the name of the moon, I’ll punish you,” you recite dutifully, snatching up the throw blanket on the end of the couch. It’s barely big enough to cover the both of you, has Jungkook’s outstretched legs and your booty subject to the chilly air. Who cares, Jungkook is a furnace anyway.

He snorts. “Punish me,” he mumbles, as if he doesn’t believe it. His snarky comment wins him a playful pinch against his doughy cheek, not that he particularly defends himself against it anyway, eyes fluttering shut as you tug at the pale skin.

“Don’t fuck with the moon, Jungkook,” you warn him, snuggling closely against his side as your favorite opening song begins filtering through the speakers of the television before you. It’s infinitely better than the 240p YouTube clips you had subjected yourself to the entire last week, the graphics scarily clear.

“Right, of course,” Jungkook says, but a hint of amusement seems to curl around the sound anyway. Nevertheless, he lets it go, cuddles into your side as you pour your full focus into watching yet another group of ragtag teenagers with supernatural abilities kick some ass.

You can tell Jungkook isn’t really into it, and you’re torn between just snuggling him into a well deserved nap or taping his eyelids open so he can become a fan of this show with you.

The loving, caring, adoring side of you says Jungkook deserves the entire world and more (the more in question preferably being a fluffy blanket and a nap). He worked hard this week, just like you, and on top of that he was the one who planned this entire weekend getaway for the two of you to enjoy. You want him to rest up.

The obnoxiously in love girlfriend-slash-best friend in you says Jungkook is sorely missing out on one of the greatest shows on planet Earth and that naps are for the weak.

Your jumbled thoughts are interrupted by a loud sound on the television, a yelp from Ms. Sailor Moon herself that has you jolting up in surprise. Jungkook welcomes you deeper into his embrace, chuckles at your little fright. “Scared?” he teases in that low voice that makes you feel like you’re going crazy, really. So crazy and irrational, and the only thing that stops you from bombarding him with an unexpected outpouring of love is that hard and sharp thing that pokes your side when you get too close to him. It’s not Jungkook, sadly, but something in the front pocket of his hoodie instead.

And for some reason, part of your brain is stuck all of a sudden, rewinding the last two and a half years like a broken cassette tape that had the tape reel hastily stuffed back inside by a toddler. It’s choppy to say the least, and it certainly doesn’t help when Jungkook calls your name softly, tenderly. “__,” he murmurs. It’s a little weird; it’s not often he says your name, mostly referring to you with one of the many pet names from that part of his vocabulary that focuses exclusively on terms of endearment. Your heart skips a beat.

Now, if anyone were to ask, it’s approximately around this time that you begin to spiral. The pink curve of his bottom lip is just too close, the mole on his nose too prominent. Paired with the obnoxious tittering of Usagi on screen, you can feel your thoughts begin to overlap, bumping into each other within the realm of your brain until all that comes out are the messiest of messy thoughts.

They go like this:

Most episodes of any anime run for approximately thirty minutes. Take out the commercial breaks, the opening and ending credits, and it becomes something closer to twenty. Twenty minutes per episode, filled with plot and gags and tears and whatever else necessary to make you feel something, anything really.

“What’s in your pocket?” you ask tentatively.

In contrast, it takes approximately two seconds for Jungkook’s lips to quirk up— first the right side, always the right side —and his eyes to crinkle. Two seconds for him to smile, a sweet expression that reminds you of Netflix and college and quiet laughter and tattoos and silly YouTube videos and cookies and cell phones and job applications and blond hair; two seconds to make you feel everything all at once.

“There’s nothing,” he says, but his cheeks are pink, and it’s not from the cold anymore. His smile is so big it makes your own cheeks ache just looking at it. You can’t even hear the television anymore. Never mind the fact you really like Sailor Moon, or that you really want to pay attention to every little detail; the moment becomes Jungkook and his big smile and his red cheeks and the tiny box he produces from within his pocket. “It was supposed to be for tomorrow,” he admits, unwrapping his arm from around you.

It’s a little funny, somehow, because his hands are covered in ink, in tiny doodles and intricate pieces of swirls and words that ooze this aura of strength and toughness. But they tremble when he opens it, as unsteady as a wispy dandelion on a windy day, fumbling with the box. And when you look closely, he’s been biting at the skin along his thumb again, that nervous habit you’ve been trying forever to help him overcome.

Someone is saying something on screen, something important to the plot. The volume is loud, but not as loud as your heart. Not as loud as Jungkook’s quiet murmur when he speaks again. “Will you marry me?” he asks softly, looks at you with flushed cheeks and big eyes and his heart on his sleeve.

The answer has always been the same, hasn’t changed since the first time he planted the seed in your mind. Still, it catches in your throat, nearly loses out to a surprised and emotional sob that you barely manage to bite down. You had just been speaking, had just been ready to deliver a whole spiel on the importance of him watching Sailor Moon with you. But when you try now, it’s raspy and dry, as if you haven’t used your voice in years. “I— yes,” you exhale, surprised by the lonely tear that trails down your cheek. You go to wipe it away, but Jungkook beats you with a gentle hand cupping your cheek.

His smile is wobbly, patches of red blossoming across his face that eventually consume his entire appearance as he leans his forehead against yours. Only then do you realize he’s crying, and you laugh out of reflex. “You’re crying,” you say, and Jungkook snorts.

“You cried first,” he sniffles, smiling. “You made me cry.”

He looks like a wreck, but, like, a hot wreck. An engaged, hot wreck who’s eyes flicker back to the TV to remind you to pause your anime, always so considerate. You do, hastily smashing buttons on the remote before remembering it’s controlled by your phone, hands flying back and forth as your nerves actively work to retire themselves after Jungkook’s proposal. “Easy there,” he soothes, eventually catching your hand in his, drawing it up for a kiss against your knuckles.

The ring fits perfectly, snuggly. Vaguely, a memory drifts through your thoughts of Jungkook and Doyeon on a rampant mission to reorganize your jewelry box a few months ago, but it disappears as quickly as it came. You’re taken by the ring, a simple band with a pretty diamond on top. It’s a good mixture of you and him; flashy yet mild.

“You love me,” you marvel, a revelation you’ve had the honor of experiencing time and time again with Jungkook. Still, it never fails to render you speechless. He hums.

“I do,” he says, taking your hand in his. “It’s the easiest thing for me. Like breathing, or existing. I think I was made to love you.” And normally, you’d be the first one to correct him. Jungkook was made for so much more, a fact he’s proven time and time again with his abilities and the sheer size of his heart. He was your golden boy, could do anything he set his mind to. Always amazing you, always making you fall in love all over again.

But now, with the weight of his words sitting heavy in the air, you find yourself incapable of negating the fact, instead sniffling at the meaning.

Pleased with your silence, Jungkook places another chaste kiss against your ring. “I love you, __,” he confesses, voice nearly a whisper. Your entire body feels as if it is doused in gasoline, lit aflame over and over again. Your heart threatens your rib cage, pounds away with the strength of a world renowned boxer. Jungkook’s hands curl around your wrists carefully. “I used to think we were like the moon and the sun,” he admits, “that you were my sun and I was your moon. In love but always separated by those thin veils of the sunrise and the sunset.” He pauses, nuzzling sweetly against your palm once more before gently guiding them down between the two of you. “But that really sucks— saying goodbye to you every night? I hate that, __. I hate watching you leave, I hate watching you run off in the mornings or halfway through the day, having to drive back and forth from your place to mine. I hate having to be away from you when all I wanna do is hold you. I— I want to be by your side,” he rambles, eyes nervously meeting yours. They’re still glassy, dark lashes framing his chocolate irises wonderfully. “Forever.”

Your heartbeat stutters, the simple word looping itself in your mind like that night in his dining room all over again, all the fantasies of having a forever with Jungkook bubbling to the surface. Jungkook pushes on. “You are my sun,” he says softly, mostly to himself. “But… I don’t wanna be the moon anymore. Being the moon means, eventually, I’ll have to say goodbye. In the night or in the morning, it always comes to an end. And I don't want there to be an end with you,” he insists, clutching your hand tightly. “I wanna be another star, the closest one to you. The one who gets to be with you forever. I wanna be by you and shine with you and—“

“Explode into a gazillion little fragments of cosmic dust with me,” you offer, and Jungkook nods along eagerly, too amped up on his speech to bother scolding you for your playful comment.

“Yes, I want to— to—“ The words catch in his throat. So much emotion from the man you once thought was the dictionary definition of calm and collected. “To—“

“Marry me,” you fill in, and Jungkook practically blows a fuse from how emotionally fired up he’s become, exclaiming a resolute, “yes!” that leaves you stupidly grinning back at him.

His outburst leaves him with flushed cheeks. “I do,” he reiterates in a softer tone, averting his gaze from you as if embarrassed by his cheesy outpouring of emotion. Usually, it’s the other way around; you make all the corny declarations of love and Jungkook laughs along suavely. It feels nice to have the tables turned.

There’s so much to say, but the words all fade away when Jungkook shyly looks at you again. You settle on tackling him back onto the couch cushions, taking his surprised little yelp in stride as you suffocate him in your embrace. “Save those words for the big day, superstar,” you giggle, peppering his red face with tiny kisses that make him scrunch up cutely. “I can’t wait to blow up into one huge supernova with you.”

Beneath you, Jungkook groans. “I’m sorry,” he huffs, voice muffled against your shoulder. Begrudgingly, his arms come up to envelope you, pulling you closer until the blanket scrunches up uncomfortably between you two. “That must’ve sounded so lame.”

Leaning back so you’re not completely squishing him, you carefully push his silvery hair away from his forehead. “Don’t be,” you assure him, placing one chaste peck against his pouty lips. “I thought it was cute. I didn’t know you were into astrology.”

A sigh. “Astronomy,” he corrects, “astrology has to do with zodiac signs and placements.”

You run your thumbs over his cheeks, collecting any of the drying tears that paint his face. “Oh, like how you’re a Virgo and I’m a“—

The TV remote you had lost somewhere along the way is suddenly rematerialized beneath your knee, sends the speakers blaring to life with a deafening screech that has both you and Jungkook leaping up like two frightened cats. “You always do this,” he laughs, that loud boyish sound that makes you feel like you’re sitting on a cloud. He watches you with a gentle smile as you hurriedly shut off the television, the remote haphazardly tossed somewhere behind you afterwards. You return to his embrace, wrap your arms around his waist and snuggle into his warmth. His heart thumps a steady rhythm beneath your ear.

“You’re gonna be stuck with me forever,” you warn him, clutching at the fabric of his shirt like he’ll suddenly disintegrate before your eyes.

Above you, Jungkook hums, placing a kiss against the crown of your head. “I look forward to it,” he responds, pulling you impossibly closer, until you can feel the wrinkles in his shirt imprinting themselves against your cheek. He’s back to being that suave bastard again, and you find yourself wishing you had milked those big crocodile tears out of him for just a little bit longer.

Fingers gently press against the muscles in your nape, push themselves in deeply until you can feel all the tension seeping out, turning you into a limbless blob over Jungkook. “Jeez,” you sigh, eyes fluttering shut. “And you wanted to wait until tomorrow.”

He huffs out a laugh. “I just thought you’d rather get engaged at a fancy restaurant with a pretty dress,” he defends, and you can hear the grin on his face. “For the photos.”

“Fair point,” you concede, eventually pushing yourself up so you’re not entirely squishing your boyfriend beneath you. Jungkook is already looking at you when you lift your head, has got this funny double-chin from this angle that makes his normally sharp jawline disappear. You find yourself tapping a finger against his chin, on the chocolate chip mole that hides itself beneath his plump bottom lip. “If anything, just propose to me again tomorrow at the restaurant.”

It wins you an eye-roll. “I’m not gonna propose to you again tomorrow,” he laughs, doesn’t even push you away when you become annoying and start tapping your fingers against all his beauty marks like you’re playing Whack-a-Mole.

“Booo,” you frown, but let it go soon enough, foregoing your little game to press your lips against his. “Then I better make this a night to remember,” you murmur, tilting your head to the side.

Your hands dip into his luscious locks, fingernails tracing thin lines along his scalp that are certain to send tingles down his spine. As predicted, Jungkook releases a quiet groan soon after, a sound that’s muffled against your own lips. He’s pliant tonight, but not in a way that would elude fatigue. Pliant in a way that suggests he wants you to take the reins tonight, exhaling softly against you as he parts his lips.

“Let me take care of you,” you hum, the hand that had been mindlessly hovering along his cheek drifting down to caress the side of his neck. Jungkook nods, his irises swimming in lust. You smile at his silent compliance, give his throat a light squeeze that makes his breathing hitch in surprise.

He’s always at his prettiest when he’s beneath you like this, limbs moving in slow motion as you guide him along. You can already feel the beginnings of his arousal stirring beneath the front of his sweats, his cock slowly making its presence known against your thigh. You press your lips against his once more, making sure to make it rougher than the first kiss. Your tongue is met with little resistance, slips past his lips and dips into the hot cave of his mouth where Jungkook releases another trembling breath.

Two hands come up behind you, trail themselves over your back and down to your ass, where he gives the two globes a tight squeeze. It draws a whimper out of you, one that Jungkook greedily swallows up. His tongue rubs up along yours, the wet muscle daringly pushing back against yours. His rebelliousness is only quelled with another press of your fingertips around his throat.

“Slow down,” you tell him. The first roll of your hips against him is slow, cruel in that you cut the motion short just as Jungkook begins to push back. A bratty huff escapes him, swollen pink lips pushing out into that endearing pout you love so much. It makes you grin, releasing the grip around his throat to carefully brush a stray strand of hair away from his eyes.

It’s a gesture that works to soften Jungkook as well, the petulant look on his face melting away as you trail your pointer finger along his cheekbone. It’s replaced with a more tender one, dark lashes blinking up at you slowly. “Open,” you command upon reaching his mouth, finger pressing down against his pink lower lip. Jungkook obeys, opening his mouth until you can see his pink tongue and the dark abyss that leads down his throat. Your finger pushes itself in, and Jungkook certainly doesn’t try to resist. His lips suction around the digit fairly quickly, tight enough to keep you there but loose enough for you to slowly draw your finger in and out, each short plunge pressing down against his tongue.

It’s a rather short affair, one that comes to an end when he accidentally bucks up against you, pressing his hardened member against your core. You retract your finger. “Can you,” he tries, but his cheeks are stained red and he refuses to meet your gaze. “Just…”

You intercept him with a chaste peck, maneuvering your legs until your knees are firmly pressed into the couch cushions beneath him, his thin waist trapped in between. When you sit up, you feel drunk on power and the way Jungkook looks up at you certainly doesn’t help. “Can I sit on your face?”

He chokes. “I— sure, please,” he blurts out. His gaze follows you as you slip off of him, quickly discarding your pants and top on the floor. One pat against his thigh has him hurrying to shimmy out of his clothes, his sweatpants caught around his ankles.

“You’re excited,” you laugh, stripping him of his bottoms when the frustration takes him over.

Jungkook scoffs. “Well, yeah,” he mumbles, tugging his shirt off with one smooth motion. The ink around his bicep is as dark as ever, contrasts wonderfully against his warm face. “My fiancée is gonna sit on my face.”

The title makes you preen, quickly finding your place on his lap once more. With your clothing out of the way, Jungkook really does become a furnace. Every inch of his body is hot to the touch, soft too. “Fiancée,” you giggle, hands on his chest. They slide down, fingers playfully nudging his brown nipples. Jungkook flinches at the touch. “Gonna sit on my fiancé’s face,” you parrot back, delicately pinching one nipple between your fingers. A moan spills from his lips, his cock pushing against your thigh once more.

It’s the reminder you need, pushing back dutifully against him as you continue to toy with his chest. He’d look pretty with piercings, you find yourself thinking, watching on in fascination at the way his pert nipples stand at attention. Beneath you, Jungkook begins to grow desperate, his hands finding their place on your waist to encourage you to grind down against him once more.

Jungkook swears up and down that he’s not particularly sensitive about having his nipples touched. But when you’ve got him like this, sinfully laid out before you, you can easily confirm that his claims are nothing but lies. He loves having his nipples touched, squirms beneath you impatiently with each playful tug and twist you bestow upon them.

You duck down, pressing a kiss against his pectoral, just beside his nipple, and Jungkook’s entire body shivers. A few careful drags of your tongue against his warm skin only serve to string him along further, the prettiest whimper pulling itself from his lips when you finally envelope one of them in your mouth. “Wait,” he gasps, clawing at your clothing as if he both wants to push you off and push you closer. You grin, brandishing one mean nip at the sensitive nub.

Eventually, your incessant need to play with Jungkook’s chest is fulfilled. “Lay back,” you instruct, watching as he shuffles down flat on the cushions, silver hair tumbling away from his eyes. He’s so red, eyes hazy. Your panties are discarded, joining the ever growing pile of clothes on the floor.

Once upon a time, the idea of sitting on Jungkook’s face had terrified you, filled you with nightmares of crushing his windpipe or breaking his nose. For the most part, they’re pretty unrealistic fears, ones that can be easily shut down after one careful Google search on safe sexual practices. These days, it’s all too easy; in the mornings, especially, it’s become natural for him to guide you on top carefully, holding your hand as you whimper and sob over his face.

In the current moment, you find yourself stroking a hand down the side of his face, completely enamored with the huge puppy eyes he levels your way. Jungkook likes having your pussy in his face just as much as you do, loves making you feel good in any way he knows how. But there’s a separate matter at hand, one that stands at attention beneath his black boxers and successfully wins your attention.

Truthfully, there is no dilemma to ponder over; you want both to ride Jungkook’s face and suck him off. The solution?

“We’ve never done this before,” Jungkook mumbles in amazement, his voice slightly muffled from his position beneath you and slightly behind you. Still, his arms dutifully wrap around your thighs, guiding you closer to his mouth where his hot breath fans against your glistening folds. You rock back willingly, hands preoccupied with pushing his boxers down and away from his engorged cock.

“Really?” you ask, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the cock before you and the tongue that gently laps at your folds. Jungkook makes a sound, something between a hum and whimper, his mouth slowly getting to work against your folds. “M- Maybe,” you stutter, all thought processes coming to a halt as you carefully take him in your hand.

His cock is hard and long, his tip an angry shade that weeps with precum. From this angle, you get to watch Jungkook’s huge thighs twitch at the sensation, the tattoo that marks up one of them doing little to hide the fact. Your hand squeezes him, watches in awe as another fat droplet oozes out of his tip. A moan tears itself from his throat, and it’s so goddamn sexy it nearly drives you insane.

It’s one particularly long lap of his tongue over your clit that sends you into action, back arching at the tingles that shoot down your spine. Wasting no more time, you guide Jungkook’s cock into your mouth, let your own tongue shower his mushroom tip in kitten licks that have him bucking upwards. He releases your clit with a lewd pop, hot breath fanning across your lips. “Fuck,” he gasps, voice harsh.

Admittedly, it’s more difficult than you thought it would be.

You’re not one to be easily overwhelmed (says you), but with Jungkook’s twitching cock in your mouth and his teasing tongue dipping into your entrance, it becomes hard to juggle your attention between the two. Even Jungkook, who is quite frankly the master of cunnilingus, seems torn between the two, his breathing shallow and quick against your folds.

With each slow descent around his cock, he shudders, thigh muscles tightening in anticipation. It causes a lull in the pace of his tongue, the generous kisses and licks against your folds subject to a somewhat uneven pace that, surprisingly, leaves you more on edge than you’d ever expected it to; right when you think he’s about to suck your clit into his mouth, you’re met with a harsh exhale instead, one that makes your lips flutter.

You’re both disappointed in yourselves for never having tried this mind-blowing position before, and equal parts understanding as to why you haven’t tried this position before— it’s a lot. His cock is halfway down your throat when it twitches, sends a gush of precum into your mouth that has your eyes rolling backwards, a whine slipping out around him. Jungkook appreciates the vibrations, letting it fuel him as he plunges his tongue into your hole. It’s a two way street, you realize, one that is constantly experiencing traffic.

“Baby,” you gasp, pulling off of his cock with a slick sound, hypnotized by the trail of saliva that connects your lips to his tip. Jungkook’s tongue prods along your slit, makes your eyesight go blurry when the tip of his nose brushes along you as well. The idea of his cute nose buried deep someplace it shouldn’t be has you grinding down on him. “We can— we should stop,” you stutter, your trembling hand reaching forward to grasp the base of his cock.

He’s slick with your saliva and his precum, and your hand makes a squelching sound upon contact. It must feel good, because Jungkook moans against your folds, his thighs unconsciously falling farther apart as you slowly jerk him off. You think you might’ve heard your name slip from his lips, but your mind is fuzzy, lost in your lust as Jungkook licks a sinful line from your hole to your clit, curling his tongue at the end. “J- Jungkook,” you cry, flinching away because it’s become too much, your toes curling as the beginnings of an orgasm threaten you.

Before that can happen, he relents, leaning back with a heavy exhale, his hands loosening their grip against your ass and plopping back down against the cushions. “Fuck,” he pants, his cock twitching in your hold. A lonely droplet of precum trails down the side, your knuckles coated in the glossy substance. Beneath you, Jungkook rubs one soothing palm against your hip.

You slink off before he can get any funny ideas, maneuver yourself around until you’re kneeling between his parted thighs, his fat cock standing at attention between the two of you. From here, he looks ravenous, and you begin to question who exactly is taking care of who. Jungkook looks like he’s a second away from pinning you down and swallowing you whole, a thought that makes your toes curl.

It’s with a cautiously horny hand that you reach for his cock again, holding him with both hands. Jungkook growls, head lolling backwards until all you can see is his neck and his chin, thick veins protruding along his skin. Jungkook doesn’t waste a moment longer. “C’mere,” he purrs, hauling you up until you’re clumsily leaning over him, palms framing his face. A lone finger runs down your spine, its faint touch making you arch forward. “Sorry,” he says, securing an arm around your waist. “I know you wanted to take care of me, but…”

You roll your eyes, submitting yourself to his clutches as he masterfully rolls the two of you over. The couch is soft beneath your back, and Jungkook looks pretty from above too. “You just can’t sit still, can you?” you murmur playfully.

Jungkook’s forearms find their place beneath your thighs, the fold of the back of your knee perfectly slotted against his warm skin as he shuffles closer. “Maybe another time,” he laughs along sheepishly, his hard cock gliding over your slit, teasing your clit. You gulp, eyes scanning over his lean build as if it’s the first time. “Sorry,” he repeats, but he’s got this stupidly dopey grin on his face as he glances down at your pussy; he’s insane, he’s got to be, what man makes heart eyes at a pussy?

Your man, apparently. Grasping the base of his cock, Jungkook takes care to drag it along your folds collecting your wetness along his length, a deep shudder wracking his body through it all. “I knew you would do this to me,” he mutters, so low you nearly miss it under the thundering sound of your heartbeat.

“Huh,” you mumble, and you’d like to defend yourself and say you weren’t as cock-crazy as Jungkook was coochie-crazy, but that would be a lie. You’re staring at his cock as if it holds the secrets to the universe right now.

Jungkook juts his head to the side, a motion similar to the one he does when he’s trying to crack his neck. His tongue prods along his cheek, eyes laser-focused on the point where your two bodies meet. “From the moment you walked into my house,” he grunts mindlessly, finally lining himself up with your entrance. He chances a glance up, meets your gaze with a patient look, “all good?”

“All good,” you hurriedly reply, fingers finding their place against his broad shoulders. With the way he had prepared you earlier, mouthed along your clit and your folds until you were pleasantly aroused, the glide now is too easy. Tight, but easy, has the two of you releasing twin moans that echo off the wooden walls of the cabin.

Jungkook’s forehead is covered in a thin veil of sweat, one that glistens when the evening sunset pours in through the balcony doors, highlighting him in a golden light that makes you dizzy. The angry tip of his cock sinks into your walls, Jungkook’s ashy strands sticking to his forehead and his cheeks. For some reason, you find yourself reminiscing on the aforementioned moment Jungkook had spoken of. Of the soft sweater he’d worn that day and the dinner he had made, the blond tips on his chestnut hair and the way he’d clung onto every word you’d said.

It makes you tear up, and, after laughing at Jungkook early for crying, you quickly turn your face away.

Jungkook isn’t dumb. “What now,” he chuckles, though his breathing is labored, every inch of his cock that penetrates you further bringing with it another rush of adrenaline. At the hilt, you’re embarrassed to say there’s multiple tears streaming down your face, so you can’t even play it off as you usually do. “Crybaby,” Jungkook teases, but his voice is so soft and tender you don’t know what to do with yourself.

“Just move,” you bite out, shamefully covering your face with your hands. Jungkook leans over you, the movement pushing his dick deeper inside of you, your walls clenching around him. A kiss is placed over your knuckles, just shy of your engagement ring. Your chest lurches with a silent sob. “Jungkook,” you whimper, sinking further into the cushion, “please, just—“

“I got it,” he assures you, placing one final peck against your handmade (literally) shield. And then, so quietly you almost miss it, he makes sure to whisper, “love you,” before unsheathing himself.

You shudder, your heart feeling so full, you fear it’ll burst. You both love and hate when he treats you like this, like an ice sculpture in the scorching heat that has him doing everything he can to keep you solid. His touch is soft, the roll of his hips too slow for your liking. You feel so small and vulnerable— too pampered. “Harder,” you beg, your voice an airy whine that has Jungkook chuckling above you.

He lives to please you, hiking your leg over his shoulder with a renewed vigor. His hands find themselves on your waist, forcefully pinning you down against the couch cushions as he sets upon fulfilling your latest request. The next series of thrusts are jerky, have you jostling in his grip as Jungkook pounds into you with an all new mindset. “Lemme see you,” he huffs, thumbs painfully digging into your skin. You tremble in his arms, heart swayed by the quiet plea in his voice. “Let me see your face, pretty girl.”

Reluctantly, you do, brandishing your tear-stricken face his way. Jungkook smiles, that stupidly handsome smile, his hips snapping into you roughly. “Fuck,” he moans, the expression never leaving his face, even when run your nails over his chest harshly. “You’re so pretty.”

You ignore him for the sake of your already weakened mental state, focusing instead on the brutal force of his hips, the way his cock stretches your walls out. Each push has you seeing stars, thighs quivering from the sensations that shoot up your spine and down your toes. “Oh,” you mewl, hands gripping his biceps as you lose yourself to him. Your eyes roll back, vision a mess of colors and nothingness all at once.

“Is this hard enough?” Jungkook husks out, and he sounds so close. His proximity is confirmed when his mouth slots against yours, his harsh breath mingling with your own as he continues to frantically buck into your inviting heat, each new round of thrusts leaving you weaker and weaker than before. “God,” Jungkook cries, the sound nearly lost beneath your own moans and whimpers. “Gonna k- keep you forever,” he spits, tongue slipping into your mouth.

He’s messier than usual, moves with unrefined movements unlike his normal self. You don’t care, you love him all the same. His sloppy kisses turn into desperate ones, matching the pace of his hips. “Kook,” you sob, arms wrapping themselves around his neck, pulling him close until his thrusts are reduced to a shallower depth.

“I’ve got you,” he croons, lips against your jawline. His cock presses in and you swear you feel it alongside every inch of your walls, a warmth blossoming in your stomach. He’s layering messy kisses down your face now, lips sucking dark marks any chance he gets.

True to his word, Jungkook indeed has you. His cock pistons in and out at an astonishing pace, each surge into your folds making you dizzy over and over again. It’s a feeling you fear you’ll never grow tired of, in fact, it’s a feeling you fear you’ll begin to crave even more in the future. The good thing is, that future will extend into forever.

You yank him towards you, swallow his low laughter with your lips. Jungkook doesn’t complain, lowering himself until he’s practically squishing you beneath his beefy body, cock ramming in and out despite all that. His tongue glides along yours, makes it his mission to muffle each of your cries.

It doesn’t take long for you to be fulfilled. Given the fact you had sucked him off like a lollipop whilst having him eat you out, you’re not entirely surprised. That and the emotions of tonight have you melting into him sooner than you’d like, his name falling from your lips as your thighs clamp down around his waist. Jungkook takes it in stride, slows the maddening pace of his hips to cradle you in his arms. You’re like jelly, practically flop back into the cushion when he slips an arm beneath you. “You’re so good for me,” Jungkook praises, lavishing your throat in tiny pecks as his orgasm circles around. “My pretty girl.”

“Love you,” you sigh, and your body feels numb, his intrusion but a small touch now that he’s tired you out once more, your walls tender and raw. Jungkook presses a smile against your throat and, moments later, releases inside of you.

Even minutes after the deed, the feeling refuses to return to your legs. He didn’t go that hard— well, you’re not entirely sure. The memories always become blurry toward the end of your escapades. Everything rushes back in waves, and for some reason, your first thought is, “where’s Sailor Moon?”

Your post-rump conversations have never been the most coherent, usually filled with pretty weird thoughts and ideas. Still, more grand things have happened tonight for you to be worried about a magical anime girl. Jungkook draws himself out of your core with a huff of laughter. “On the TV,” he answers, unfazed by the oddity of your question.

That’s how you know he’s a keeper.

It takes a while, but eventually Jungkook responds. “Avocado toast,” he says, though his answer is dripping with uncertainty. He’s naked as the day he was born, snuggled up beside you in bed. He’s propped up on one arm, looking down at you over the ample swell of his manly bosom. It takes everything in you to keep your hands off his chest.

“Correct,” you respond, “and what movie did we watch?”

Without missing a beat, “Transformers, the first one.”

You nod, glancing at the ceiling as you rack your brain for any other trivia questions to ask your fiancé. “The title of the playlist you made?”

A flush paints his cheeks. “Date Night playlist,” he answers through a pout, reprimanding you for bringing up such a memory with a flick to your forehead. You wince. “I was young and silly,” he defends.

You beam, cuddling into his side until he’s forced to lay back down. “Yeah, yeah,” you tease. “We’re only gonna get older from here,” you lament. You’d say it’s difficult to picture him with a gray head of hair, but his current silvery locks don’t leave much room for your imagination.

Jungkook pulls you close. A beat of silence passes, and then, “so who are we telling first?”

Definitely Namjoon.

#networkbangtan #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #jungkook #Jungkook fic #jeon jungkook fic #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x reader smut #bts fic #bts smut #mine

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sortasirius · 4 years ago

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“Despair” and Dean and Cas

Well well well, winning is my favorite thing.

As usual, this is going to be as long as hell. And fair warning, it’s extremely emotional.

So here it is, the thing that we have been barrelling towards for years, literally years.

Just want to point out this. Also, I will NEVER allow someone to speak negatively about this writing group, EVER.

Team Free Dads starting off the episode is so sweet, so scary. Cas’ calming, Dean’s fear, Sam’s desperation, really just hammering home how much they love Jack, how his pain is pain for them, how losing him is unbearable.

“I can’t stop this. I’m coming apart. I don’t want to hurt you. Don’t let me hurt you.”

Oof. If you’ve ever question whether Jack is a Winchester, this line should shut that shit down for you.

When I tell you I was PISSED when Billie sent Jack to the Empty to EXPLODE????? PAIN.

“Yeah the Empty can’t come to earth, not without being summoned.”

Hello Bobo, clue number 1.

The fact that they only had Jack in limbo for like five seconds was great for my heart health, thank u very much Bobo.

Also Dean wielding Death’s scythe?????? KING?????

Man, Sam and Dean’s growth. The way that they’re able to, idk, actually speak on how they feel without death looming or fear or pain. It’s just a conversation, just an honest conversation of Dean admitting his mistakes, admitting how he felt. Admitting that he fucked up, and Sam forgiving him for it.

CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF

Also...hunters and their “dates.” Two hunters who are happily together, who are happily fighting monsters. Hm. Sounds like a Saileen/Destiel parallel to me boys.

You ever wish Cas would look and the mirror and take the great advice he gives others? Because I do. He’s always tried to be “useful” for Sam and Dean, for Jack, always tried to make sure that he’s useful enough that they keep him around. But what he doesn’t understand, what he’s never understood, is that they need him because of who he is, not because of what he contributes.

Remind y’all of anything?

And here we have Clue Number 2

And then, Sam’s realization. Eileen.

Did I begin full tilt screaming no in my apartment when he said her name? Who’s to say?

How can a lock screen cause me this much pain????

Okay but: Charlie loses Stevie, Sam loses Eileen. Clue Number 3.

I feel like I don’t talk enough about how much Sam loves Eileen. About how obvious it is that they are endgame, about how happy he is when he talks about her. This just feels like a blow to the stomach, but we’ve barely even started.

Sam immediately shifting into protective leader mode? He is the love of my life.

Dean’s simple nod, like it’s a given? Enough to do me in right there.

This is another episode where it’s just so clear that Sam is the leader of the North American hunters. Everyone knows him, everyone is willing to follow him. He’s knowledgeable and kind and fair and just and an incredibly capable fighter. Once again, I don’t believe his work on earth is done.

Can we also please talk about how FRIGHTENING IT WAS for Jack to kill that plant??? I don’t really have much of a comment on it because I was literally just like ?????

With Billie saying that it’s Chuck, the way that people were dusted, very similar to Becky and Amara, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised, especially with Donna getting taken off the board. It’s like I said last week, I don’t buy that he’s taken himself off the board, he’s too invested in the unraveling of this story to take a step back. He’s gotta break them before he can defeat them, that’s the only way.

And here we go, into one of the most painful and surreal things I will ever write about.

Dean’s speech. His guilt, his regret. The shame of not only trapping himself, but the pain, the horror of trapping Cas.

“I just lead us into another trap. All because I, I couldn’t hurt Chuck. Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill, and because that’s all I know how to do.”

“Dean-”

“It was Chuck all along. We never should have left Sam and Jack, we should be there with them now. Everybody’s gonna die, Cas. Everybody. I can’t stop it.”

His narrative arc. Tied up in a bow.

“She’s gonna get through that door.”

“I know.”

“And she’s gonna kill you and then she’s gonna kill me. I’m sorry.”

Cas smiles.

Cas knows. He knows what’ll get them out of this, and he knows that he would do anything in this Universe for Dean Winchester. The human man he fell for.

“When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him.”

“You what?”

“The price was my life. When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I’ve wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have.

“But I think I know, I think I know now...happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.”

“What are you talking about, man?”

The most selfless thing Cas does in this, and he does a lot of selfless things, is to tell Dean Winchester how impossibly good he is. To tell him that he is worthy, to tell him that he is adored.

“I know, I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken and you’re daddy’s blunt instrument. And you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are. It’s not. And everyone who knows you sees it, and everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raise your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are.

“You’re the most caring man on earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you outta Hell...knowing you has changed me.

“Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you.

“You changed me, Dean.”

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Dean’s greatest fear. His fear of those loving him leaving him. The terror of being alone.

“Because it is.

The head shake. Don’t love me. Don’t love me if it means you’ll leave me, don’t love me, everyone I love leaves me. Don’t leave me. Don’t love me. Don’t leave me.

“Don’t do this, Cas.”

Just like I always thought. One last look at Dean before the Empty takes him.

“Cas-”

“Goodbye Dean.”

And Dean is left, broken on the floor, unable to answer Sam’s calls, unable to do anything. It doesn’t matter to him that Chuck has wiped everyone out, it doesn’t matter to him that Sam and Jack might need him. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter, because the thing that mattered still hangs on his lips, still waiting to be said, and now he won’t get another chance to say it.

The fact that I am writing this, even with all my spec, with all my analysis of the writers’ room, of their text, of the way Dabb and co had approached this story, nothing could have ever prepared me for this. Nothing could have prepared me for a three and a half minute, uninterrupted scene where Cas confesses not only that he loves Dean, but that he has always loved him.

I talk a lot about how these writers don’t get the credit they deserve. Unfortunately, from most of this fandom, they never will. We will likely never know the fights with the network they had, the steps backward they had to take, the way they had to beg and fight and claw to get this on the screen. But they did it. They did it for these characters, they did it for this dinosaur of a show, and yeah, they did it for us.

It was not easy, I can promise you, to get this greenlit. They had to fight for this, they likely had to call in favors and make threats and quite literally put their careers on the line (you may scoff at that, but WB is a BIG company, especially in the TV/movie world) for this story. This story of Dean and Cas, the man dragged out of Hell and the angel who fell for him.

I have tons more to say, and will likely have several more posts about this, but I want to leave all my babes who are worried that that was the end for Dean and Cas with some takeaways.

Sam is missing Eileen. Dean is missing Cas. That is no longer a fun subtextual parallel, that is it for them. Their respective endgames are missing, and they will not know their peace until they get them back. Chuck will not win. That’s not the story being told, and right now? He’s winning. He’s broken them, left them with nothing, left them with an empty world and a hole in each of their hearts where their person (or angel) used to be.

Our show is going to end with “contentment.” “Contentment” isn’t from Sam and Dean being filled with grief and hitting the open road. It isn’t Sam getting Eileen back and leaving Dean with no one. “Contentment” is Sam and Eileen, Dean and Cas. Together.

#destiel #spn #supernatural #my meta #destiel meta #spoilers #spn 15x18 #i cannot believe this #i cant believe i wrote this #this is real #theyre really canon

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theepisceswriter · 4 years ago

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Doing dirty things w/ AOT characters while you two most definitely shouldn’t be (Reiner, Erwin, Zeke, Levi)

A/N: my faithful stoned thot anon, shoutout to you for this request and I hope this was something like you were imagining in your mind. I know you only asked for simple mundane tasks, but I wanted to be extra and include more situations. I can’t wait to work on the other ones you sent me !

Synopsis: Basically, you’re trying to do a task that requires a lot of your attention or you to be silent (like on the phone, out to eat with friends, etc), but your partner really really needs some attention in that moment. I suck at descriptions sorry 🥴 If you see any typos no u didn’t, but really I was too lazy to proofread.

TW: Modern AU, hehe naughtiness obviously, choking for Zeke, also embarrassment, fembodied!reader, 18+, MINORS DNI!

REINER BRAUN: Movie night with friends

Reiner just couldn’t help himself, he really couldn’t. The first sight of you in your silky pajama shorts and this man’s thoughts were going crazy watching you parade around the house as you grabbed the snacks and needed materials for tonight’s movie night with some of you guys’ friends. Luckily the fabric of his pajama pants were loose enough to hide the growing boner in his pants, but of course he made it known to you by approaching you from behind and pressing it against your ass so you could feel just how hard you had made him simply by looking pretty.

His hands began to roam all over your body, stealing a grope of your breast, and his mouth attached to your neck, taking breaks in between kisses to tell you how good you look and how much you riled him up. As good as it all felt, Pieck and Porco were only right down the street, so you took his hands off of your body with promises of making him feel better later in the night once they had left. You’re lucky he doesn’t like quickies like that and prefers to take his time with you or else he would’ve taken you right there up against that counter chile.

Pieck and Porco finally arrive and what was supposed only be one movie turned into two, and now here you were snuggled up under Reiner on a completely different couch than Porco and Pieck while they flipped through a catalogue on the television looking for a new movie to start up; Reiner growing more and more impatient as the minutes went on. The constant caressing on your thigh and pinches he would give your nipples every now and then giving that away completely.

You got tired of fighting his advances off a long time ago and part of you wanted him to continue, to see how far he would actually go, because truth is you wanted him just as much as he wanted you right now. You were just a lot better at hiding it.

It was halfway through the movie that he finally decides to make a drastic move, moving you to a position where your back was pressed against his chest and tapping your hips, signifying for you to raise them so he could pull your shorts down to your thighs.

“Sit still for the rest of the night and I’ll reward us both so good once they leave.” He’d whisper in your ear. The only warning you’d get before he’s slowly easing his cock into you careful not to stretch you out too much, but the wetness that accumulated between your legs all night long makes it so you swallow him completely. A shocked moan leaving both of your lips, but luckily being silenced by the action scene on the tv; both Porco and Pieck too into it to even pay attention to the two of you.

So desperately you wanted to swirl your hips up against you, create any sort of friction to make his cock hit that spot in your soft velvety walls that left you clenching and squealing and him growling into your ears, but instead you had to be as still as possible while cockwarming him. Not being too careful would surely draw the attention of the other two, but Reiner still tested the waters every now and then by shifting every so often on purpose to cause movement.

He was even able to draw a weird moan out of you once that had Porco and Pieck looking over at you like you were crazy, questioning if you were okay which you had no choice but to reply yes to. Barely able to get that out because the feeling of his cock throbbing inside of you mixed with your walls clenching around him was a whole sensation on its own.

“Careful, you don’t want them knowing that I’m balls deep in you right now would you? Or would a slut like you enjoy that; them knowing that your pussy is swallowing my cock whole right now?”

Reiner is degrading during sex sometimes and you cannot tell me otherwise #sorrynotsorry.

And when he said the two of you would be staying like this the whole night until they left he absolutely meant it. After that little moaning incident he surprisingly acted normal the whole night, like the two of you weren’t even doing what you were doing underneath the cover. Knowing how torturous it must be for him to deny you the skin to skin contact and hip bucking you needed from him.

ERWIN SMITH: In a restaurant surrounded by friends

You never thought Erwin to be the bold type to try something out in public with you. The closest thing the two of you have done to it was a quick quickie in his office once with you pressed against the window of the skyscraper building it was located in, but even then you could feel the anxiety in his muscles as he pressed himself up against you; scared of an assistant or important business partner to come barging in on the two of you.

So you can imagine the shock on your face when you were spending the night out with friends at a restaurant, preoccupied with listening to Levi’s horror stories at his tea shop when you felt the ghostly tingles of Erwin’s fingers trail up on your thigh. A hand on your knee was nothing, something he had done plenty of times as a small sign of PDA, but this was different. You looked over to him with a questioned look in your eyes, but his kept his eyes straight and responded to you physically by pressing his thumb against the cloth that separated his finger from your clit.

Almost immediately you choked on the spit going down your throat which garnered the attention from everyone else at the table asking if you were alright. Everyone but Erwin turned to you and if they were truly paying attention that would’ve been a major sign that something was up, but your quick, “I’m okay!” Response had them off your back in an instance and only edged Erwin on more, fingers pushing your panties to the side as he continued on.

The food in front of you hadn’t been touched in around 10 mins since you found yourself full before you were able to finish it all, but you had to pick up your fork and abruptly take a bite of of it when you felt Erwin’s long fingers plunge into you with ease from your wetness and curl up into you; the metal between your teeth the best attempt you had at covering up your moans.

You swear you saw a slight smirk on his lips when you glanced over at him because he’s a menace to society like that.

His hands moved so languidly inside of you hitting all the right spots and pressing down on the sensitive parts of you that always guaranteed a reaction out of you. While also simultaneously still rubbing your clit with his thumb in wide circles, enjoying every twist and turn he saw your face do as you tried desperately to hold your moans in.

At one point, to mess with you even more, he leaned in and whispered into your ear, “You think all these people know that your cunt is clenching around my fingers about to cum?” No one else heard him but you, but it definitely drew the attention of Levi who threw a confused look your way. To which you could only reply to with a smile and awkward chuckle that almost broke out into a moan because Erwin thought it would be a good idea to speed up his fingers.

You didn’t care how obvious it looked anymore, your teeth found comfort in the skin of his arm to stifle moans and your fingers had a death grip on his thighs as your orgasm hit you like a wave. Leaving you with nothing to do but grind your hips down into his fingers slowly to not draw attention as you rode out his orgasm. His fingers were covered in your slick as he pulled them off of you and instead of being discreet and wiping them on his pants or even your dress, he picked up a small dessert off his plate and turned to you. Feeding it to you and sticking his fingers a little too far in your mouth so you can clean your own orgasm off of your fingers. His thumb going between his own lips once he took his fingers out of your mouth and sucking on it gently. “That was delicious.” He would state, never breaking eye contact with you.

The tent in his dressy slacks gave away all the excitement he was feeling on the inside as he watched you squirm in your seat while he did something so naughty to you in public. He couldn’t take it anymore, placing his share of the bill on the table and excusing the both of you for the night before going around and saying your goodbyes. No one seemed to notice anything, except for when you went to Levi to give him a goodbye hug and he whispered in your ear, “Next time get a room or go to the bathroom you freaks.” You totally weren’t embarrassed and didn’t leave the restaurant with warm cheeks.

ZEKE JAEGER: During a zoom meeting

First off, sexy time stuff aside, Zeke is a menace to society and always interrupting your zooms. Whether it’s him barging into the room and asking a question like “Did you eat the last bagel?” While you’re unmuted or walking behind you with his shirt off while you have you camera on. You will never know a peaceful smooth sailing zoom meeting with Zeke in the house.

But you were immune to it at this point and he was a little too immune and comfortable with messing with you while you were in them. But hey, you couldn’t blame him! You looked all too good to him while you laid in the bed on your stomach in one of his band tees and nothing else while you payed attention to the boring lecture happening on your laptop.

Once he realized that your camera was off his hands were on you immediately, rubbing up and down your legs to signify to you that he was in a mood while he made his way on the bed behind you.

“You can’t just be walking around the house all sexy like this and expect me not to pounce on you.”

You want to say something snarky and remarkable back, but a distraction from your boring ass class is exactly what you needed. So instead of protesting this time around, you arched your back so your ass was nearly up to his face to which he replied with playfully slapping you on it and even taking a nibble of your cheek. And because you’re a menace to society you run your own hand along your clothed slit and moving your panties out of the way to put it on display for him.

“I could really use some distracting right now.” Say less, this man’s mouth is on your clit in an instant, devouring you like you’re his first meal of the day. Your hips instinctively grinding down against his tongue as he moved his focus to sucking on your clit at a pace that left you ass up face down on the bed moaning like a pornstar. Never mind his beard scraping against your thighs and possibly leaving a rash there later for you to deal with. It adds a nice touch of pain to your pleasure.

So caught up into the pleasure warming up your lower stomach, you don’t even notice your teacher calling on you until Zeke reaches out and taps on the keyboard to move your attention back to the zoom in front of you, his mouth still working magic on your clit; a mixture of his spit and your juices trailing down his chin. The site is enough to make you cum but you’re forced to divert your eyes away from it as you unmute yourself, quickly asking her to repeat the question, going back on mute before they can hear the slurping noises that Zeke obnoxiously made louder once you unmuted.

“I’m going to kill you.” “Pay attention to school sweetheart before I stop completely. Education comes first!” What an asshole, but despite the joking tone of his voice you know he’d stop in a heartbeat just to mess with you and you’re too close to an orgasm for him to up and quit like that.

From the way your hips move sloppily against his face he can tell that you’re close, but once the teacher repeats the question at you to answer he pulls away completely seemingly to cut you some slack. But, surprise, he only moves his mouth away to replace it with his cock, sliding into you with ease and thrusting into you at a steady pace that has you moan loudly into the microphone on accident.

His face lights up with a smug expression and smile, the embarrassment on your cheeks making him pick up his pace and turning him on in a way. “Now your whole class is going to know that you were getting fucked by me. Too busy getting your hole pounded to even pay attention to the lesion. What a dirty little slut, they’re probably talking about you right now as we speak.”

You’re at a loss of words, not only because of embarrassment but because you can barely form a sentence from the way Zeke is pounding into you so ruthlessly from behind. His hand even coming forward and grabbing at your neck to balance himself against the bed while on his knees.

Your morning with him is far from over and the embarrassment from this zoom is going to last with you forever.

LEVI ACKERMAN: On an important phone call

I know Levi Ackerman with his hands around our necks really get us going and the thought of dom him fucking us from behind while on the phone with our boss makes us feel butterflies in our stomachs....BUT the thought of sub Levi whimpering and having to put his phone on mute while discussing business with someone because you have his cock halfway down your throat, is an equally as hot image.

He would glance at you from over his phone and let out a silent “What are you doing?” And make a faint shooing away motion in the air to make you leave, but he doesn’t want you to leave. You know that and he knows that which is why when you went to unbuckle his pants he gladly let you, hips even raising slightly so you can pull them down enough to let his cock and balls free from the restraints of his underwear and pants.

It was such a sudden and rash decision on your end that he wasn’t even hard at all when you pulled him out, but one lick from the base of his cock to the tip of it is enough to make it stand tall. Warranting a deep intake of air that has the person on the other end of the line asking if he was okay. Between the embarrassment from nearly being caught and the pleasure exploding in his lower half from how good you’re working your mouth, his cheeks are flushed with a bright pink color.

“Do you want me to stop” “no, no, keep going, please.”

He’s so needy and close to that sweet release already, the excitement from doing something so naughty while the person on the other end of the phone has no idea has his senses in an overload. Even the broken ‘Y-Yes’s that have to leave his lips every time he unmutes his phone strikes an excited nerve in him that he didn’t know he had; wishing he could moan as freely as he could to show off how good you make him feel, but he bites back those moans with his teeth. Instead opting for a number of praises when he can.

“You look so pretty on your knees in front of me with your cock in my mouth.” “You make me feel so so good, you don’t even know how good I feel right now because of you.” “Keep that up and I’m going to cum.”

Eyes closing shut and breath picking up the closer he gets. His hand even coming down to move your head at a pace that feels godly around his cock.

Usually you would tease and pull away altogether when he did this, reminding him that he couldn’t be too needy, but you would be lying if you said this didn’t have just as much of affect on him as it did on you, thighs clenching together with each bob of your head and moan that left his lips that he couldn’t quite bite back.

He’s an incoherent mess at the end, lips not even able to move together to form sentences and his hips bucking up wildly into your throat to release his load down your throat. His hips still bucking up slightly even after he came because it just felt that good. His mind was so clouded with pleasure that he didn’t even notice the person on the phone had hung up a long time ago, something he would have to deal with later but that proved helpful right now.

“I hope you don’t think that this was it.” Oops, now you awoke the dominant side of Levi’s switch personality and he’s definitely not letting you off the hook for this one.

#Stallion don’t say ‘menace to society’ a million times in a post challenge #aot x reader #attack on titan x reader #aot smut #aot imagines #reiner braun smut #reiner braun x reader #erwin smith smut #erwin smith x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman smut #Spicy.#zeke jaeger x reader #zeke Jaeger smut

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sleepysnk · 4 years ago

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hey y'all! i decided to make a fic for our lovely Jean boy. i got this idea after Sunday's episode :(, he deserves so much love right now. this is the longest fic i've written, so i hope you all enjoy! ♡

Close the Gap

Pairings: Jean Kirstein x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 6.8k

Warnings: None just fluff

Long distances relationships were always something many people tended to avoid.

The idea of a long distance relationship made (Y/N) feel queasy, her stomach would always churn at the idea of dating somebody who was miles away from her. She heard the many scary stories from her friends about these people not being who they said they were, or the horror stories of girls going missing after meeting with these people.

Not to mention she always binged watched MTV'S Catfish the TV Show at 3 A.M. watching how people would get catfished. The show was another reason why she tended to avoid dating anyone who was pretty far away. Her worst fear was to find that the person she trusted wasn't who they said they were.

That all changed seven months ago when she met him.

More specifically, Jean Kirstein.

(Y/N) was feeling pretty lonely, she was desperate for a relationship at the time and her best friend Sasha told her about some dating apps she could use. She wasn't exactly down to set her up with one of her friends. (Y/N) took the offer on the dating app and set up a profile.

She met a few decent guys, but they always ended up sending the usual "send me some pics" or "u down to hook up?" texts. Most of the guys on the apps were idiots who were looking just for a quick fuck or something short term, which isn't something (Y/N) wanted.

She complained to Sasha about it and even considered just deleting the apps, but she told her to just give it one more shot.

She was glad she did.

(Y/N) was swiping through the different guys on the app. Some caught her eye or some made her face scrunch with disgust.

Her swiping stopped when her eyes landed on him. She was instantly attracted to him, his sharp jawline, shaggy light brown hair which was a bit long, his golden brown eyes, toned chest and that goddamn smile. He had a sly smile that made her feel butterflies.

After she looked at his profile she was hooked. He seemed like a really sweet guy based on his description. He knew how to cook, draw, he played sports, worked out, etc. He also seemed really sweet as well.

She was tempted to text him first, but she decided not to. The few times she did message a guy first it ended with the guy being dry, or sending some gross messages complimenting her body rather than her face.

She totally forgot that day that she added him until she got the notification.

Jean: hey! i saw your profile and let me just say you are gorgeous ❤

From that day forward the two talked every night, they spent many nights texting until they both felt tired, exchanging social media as well. She learned a lot about him, Jean was a fitness major at his university and he wanted to be a personal trainer. They connected on a lot of things, they had a lot of the same likes and dislikes which made the conversations they had even greater.

She told Jean about the many shitty experiences she had with guys and how she was very hesitant to even give him a chance. Jean shared a lot of the same stories, he had gotten cheated on about a year prior before getting the app. (Y/N) felt bad for him, why cheat on a nice guy like Jean?

Facetiming him was definitely one of her favorite things to do, she told him about how freaked out she was about trying online dating due to how easy it was to fake an online personality. Jean assured her that was not the case and he wasn't a fake person at all.

Seeing his face on facetime made her heart swell, he was 10x more attractive on facetime than his photos. He had this amazing smile that made her feel weak, and whenever he laughed she found herself having butterflies. Jean thought the same about (Y/N), he thought she was absolutely gorgeous and he wanted to see her face a lot more.

He always threw a flirt her way whenever he could, Jean was smooth like that. He told her if she was ever unsure of an outfit that she was to send him a picture, and when she did, he was absolutely speechless. Sending the usual heart eyes and telling her how beautiful she was. His words always made her smile.

While things were perfect for them, there was one small issue.

They both lived very far from each other.

Opposite coasts to be exact.

Jean lived on the East coast while (Y/N) lived on the west. They lived miles away from each other, and although it wasn't a huge bother, it always made her feel lonely.

Jean felt the same way, he felt lonely being so far away from her. Parts of him wished he lived closer so he could just drive and see her, but with how far it is, he knew it would probably be a very long drive and he just didn't have the time for that. Nor did (Y/N).

They spent many nights talking about dates they'd go on, things they'd do, etc. Jean told her how he would so make a meal for her and he'd take her to meet his mom. All those things sounded so nice, she wanted it to happen so bad.

But they just lived too far from one another.

Plus they both had very busy schedules, both were too caught up with assignments and their own personal lives that flying out wouldn't be exactly a good idea.

It was unfortunate, but that was the reality of the situation.

Even with all of that, they still held onto one another. For some reason, Jean didn't want to let her slip by. For the first time, she made him genuinely happy. (Y/N) felt the same way towards Jean, she always found herself being excited to see his name pop up in her phone or when he asked to facetime. There was just something about this boy she didn't want to let go of. He was the only guy who saw her for who she was, and not just her body.

Neither of them wanted to let this opportunity slip by.

Here they were, seven months later. They still kept up with each other every day, though having not met yet, the feelings they both had never changed.

They weren't dating, but they only talked to each other. Neither had wandering eyes.

It was a usual night for the two of them, (Y/N) and Jean were on facetime while she did homework and Jean sat playing video games. She didn't mind the gaming, it was something he liked to do so why dislike it?

She was copying notes when her eyes averted upwards towards her phone screen which was propped up. Jean was shirtless sitting in his chair, he had his headset on his head with one of the earmuffs behind his ear. He was focused on the game, his brows pinching together a few times as he played.

A giggle escaped her lips, making Jean look down at his phone with a smile.

"What are you giggling about?" he asked, bringing his face close to the camera.

She smiled. "Oh nothin' you just look really cute playing your game," she replied and set her pen down on the desk.

He licked his lips and leaned back against his chair, eyeing the screen. "I'd say you look pretty damn fine doing homework," he replied, raising his brows.

Heat rushed to her cheeks, rolling her eyes in the process. "Ugh shush! I look like a total mess," she said and looked away from the screen.

Jean chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair. "Nah.. you look like the girl who's gonna have my last name," he replied, smirking.

Her jaw dropped from his comment, a smile grew onto her lips as her cheeks felt hot. He was smooth like that.

"You are quite smooth," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Another chuckle escaped his throat. "Yeah I'm smooth.. only for you though," he said, winking at the camera.

"You're adorable.. I wish you were here so I could squeeze your cheeks," she said and played with her pen.

Jean nodded. "I wish I was there with you too.." he said, looking down at the ground. "I'd like my cheeks squeezed but I'd want to squeeze yours.. if you know what I mean," he added.

She started laughing a bit. "Ugh Jean I never get tired of you," she replied, looking at her phone screen. "Will you ever be here?" she asked.

Jean fell silent and leaned back against the chair. A sigh escaping his lips. "I have no idea (Y/N).. my schedule has been busy lately, plus I don't really have the funds to fly out anytime soon." he replied, his voice filled with disappointment.

She felt a slight tug at her heart, she knew they probably wouldn't meet for a long time. Many of her friends told her that Jean wasn't worth her time at all and that she needed someone who could come see her. Her friends also said it's not worth it at all and that he'd probably end up hooking up with some girl, and totally forgetting about her. That's something she absolutely didn't want to think about.

"(Y/N)? You alright?" Jean asked, breaking her out of her thoughts.

She shook her head, blinking a few times. "Y-Yeah! Sorry, I zoned out.." she replied and smiled a bit.

He put his controller on his desk, he stared at the screen for a few moments. "You know (Y/N) I really want to meet you, trust me I do. I know how much it bothers you that we can't at the moment, but I promise you, we will meet some day." he said with a serious expression.

She felt her heart swell at his words, Jean always knew what to say to make her feel like a princess. Jean always said from day one that they would meet, it was a promise he had yet to fulfill, but he told her to never worry and that he'll make it happen. She just has to believe him.

"I trust your words Jean," she said, smiling a bit.

A grin grew onto his face. "Ugh.. this is why I want to meet you so bad. I wanna see that pretty smile in person," he said and leaned against his desk.

Her cheeks felt hot from his words. "You're too sweet," she replied, rolling her eyes playfully.

Jean chuckled. "Sweet enough for you,"

Suddenly, (Y/N) heard her bedroom door fly open.

"Hey (Y/N)!- Oh crap.. did I interrupt something?"

Her head snapped back to see her best friend Sasha standing in the doorway.

"Oh not at all Sash, I was just talking to Jean." (Y/N) replied, looking back at the camera.

Sasha grinned widely, she knew who he was ever since they started talking. Jean was cool with her, he felt like first impressions with friends are always important.

"Hey Jean!" Sasha yelled, coming down to her phone. "Ooo.. (Y/N) he's shirtless for you," she teased, elbowing her side.

Her jaw dropped as her cheeks grew hot again. "Can you not! Why are you even here anyway?" she asked, looking up at her friend.

"Uh duh, I'm here to discuss Valentine's Day plans! You know.. Connie and stuff," she replied in a whisper.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes playfully. "Ugh fine! Hey Jean, is it cool if I call you back later? Sash here needs boy advice," she asked, grabbing her phone.

Jean smiled. "Yeah totally.. text me okay? Be safe." he replied.

She felt a wide smile grow onto her cheeks. "I most definitely will!" she said, hanging up the call.

Sasha leaned against the wall with a giant smirk on her face. (Y/N) looked up, her head nodding as she was confused as to why she was acting like that.

"What?" she asked, furrowing her brows.

A giggle escaped Sasha's lips. "Oh nothing! Ugh (Y/N)! When are you finally going to meet Jean? Have you guys even made it official yet?" she asked.

She looked down. "No.. we haven't made it official. We aren't dating Sasha, we're just talking and stuff." she replied, shrugging her shoulders.

Sasha crossed her arms over her chest. "Maybe it's time you do it! You've been talking for months, and I feel like it's a good time. Especially with Valentine's Day and all," she said.

(Y/N) wasn't sure if what Sasha was saying was a good idea. How the hell would she even ask out Jean? Over a facetime call? That sounded boring. It also sounded too cliche and not special at all.

"I would Sash but asking him out over a phone just sounds so.. middle school," she replied and stood up. "It's not like I can fly out and ask him out or whatever," she added.

A grin was displayed onto Sasha's face. "I guess you're right," she said and shrugged her shoulders.

"Now come on… let's go discuss things for Connie," (Y/N) said, pushing past her.

Sasha grinned again, following her friend.

(Y/N) spent most of the week helping Sasha with her Valentine's Day gift for Connie. Sasha had some odd ideas, but eventually they came to an agreement on a decent idea.

For some reason, things felt off with Jean.

The past few days she noticed a change in his behavior, he became a little less interested in their conversations and his replies were a bit dry. Of course she blamed it on him maybe being tired from classes or working out, but she wasn't exactly sure if that was the reason. She questioned it a few times, but Jean usually replied with a 'wym?'.

"(Y/N)!? Hello? Come on help me finish this,"

Sasha's voice broke her out of the thoughts she was having. "Sorry! What's up?" she asked, blinking a bit.

Sasha put the bag of snacks down. "Are you sure you're alright? You've been acting weird all day," she said and crossed her arms.

(Y/N) sighed. "Yes I'm fine Sasha," she replied and leaned back in her chair.

She nodded her head and sat back down in front of her. "Alright.. can you just organize this for me?" she asked, tossing the bag towards her.

(Y/N) grabbed the stuff and began to sort through the items Sasha bought Connie. She wasn't exactly alright, she was feeling lonely the past few days. She saw all of her friends getting ready for Valentine's Day with their significant others, while she didn't have anybody. The pink and red boxes of chocolates, the teddy bears, roses, everything! It made her feel lonely and with Jean's behavior… it didn't exactly make it better.

She looked at her phone which displayed no messages from Jean. For some reason he hasn't been messaging her a lot lately.

2:31 P.M.<- (Y/N): hey :))

4:23 P.M.<- (Y/N): i hope your day is going well! ♡

She sighed and went back to the gift for Connie.

"What are you doing for Valentine's Day, (Y/N)?" Sasha asked and looked up at her.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Probably just watching Netflix movies," she replied with disappointment in her voice.

She nodded her head. "What!? No! You're not gonna do that on my watch. Why don't you come hangout with Connie and I?" she asked.

A laugh escaped her lips. "Yeah I so wanna do that. Watching you two make out and eat is so much fun," she replied in a teasing voice.

Sasha blushed. "Oh shut up! Come on.. I know you won't have anyone to hang with," she said and pouted a bit.

She rolled her eyes playfully. "I can always call up Eren or something," she said and laughed a bit.

Sasha hit her arm. "No! You're hanging with me and that's final! Plus why would you wanna hangout with Eren? He'd probably take you to some party," she said.

"Yeah you're probably right," (Y/N) replied, chewing her lip.

She threw her a smile. "Exactly!" she said and went to go look at her phone.

(Y/N) looked on her own phone as she felt disappointed seeing no messages from Jean. She hated double texting him, she felt like she was a bother and that she was annoying him. Maybe he just didn't have his phone on him.

A sudden squeal came from Sasha, which made (Y/N) look up in surprise.

"Uh.. are you okay?" she asked and blinked a bit.

Sasha looked at her, composing herself. "Oh- u-um! Yeah totally, Connie was just telling me something. That's all," she replied and looked down at her phone.

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Ugh Connie.." she said, shaking her head.

The next two days were kind of difficult for (Y/N). Jean had totally changed his behavior, he was more dry, took longer to respond, and even on their facetime call he didn't seem very interested. If she did want to facetime, he would claim he was busy or he didn't exactly seem to pay attention.

Her mind raced with different thoughts about the situation. What if Jean was getting tired of her? What if this was the situation all of her friends told her about? How guys who live far end up leaving you for someone who lives near them. It hurt to think about.

"I don't know his behavior just changed!"

She was currently ranting to Sasha who came over for a bit. "He's been dry? I mean.. Connie can be dry," she replied, playing with her pillow.

"No like overly dry, Jean is never dry! He always keeps the conversation going, he doesn't even send me good morning texts anymore either!" she said and sat up.

Sasha nodded as she listened to her words. "Have you tried asking at all?" she asked.

(Y/N) sighed. "I did on facetime and he sort of dodged the question," she replied.

"I dunno (Y/N).. maybe just see what happens? Maybe he's got some personal stuff going on" Sasha said.

(Y/N) shrugged. "Couldn't say.."

A sudden ping from Sasha's phone made her ears chirp, she reached over and looked at her phone. She started jumping around excitedly.

"What? What happened?" (Y/N) asked, furrowing her brows.

Sasha looked at her. "I gotta go! Connie texted me about something.. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" she said, shoving her phone in her pocket.

She felt confused as to why Sasha was leaving. "Uh.. yeah, okay. See you later," she replied and watched as Sasha exited her room and out the front door.

She flopped onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling as her mind clouded with thoughts about Jean. Her mind was playing scenarios she didn't want to see, Jean finding someone else would absolutely crush her. In a way, it would be for the best, considering they haven't even met, but she was in too deep with feelings. She didn't want anybody else.

She grabbed her phone, she opened their messages and scrolled to see if there was anything she could have said to make him upset. Jean was always one to communicate with her, he'd always tell her if he was having a bad day or someone pissed him off. Why wasn't he doing that now? Her eyes scanned over the most recent message she sent.

7:21 P.M.<- (Y/N): did you go working out? i bet you're getting those gains! <3 lol.

Another sigh escaped her lips reading the words 'delivered'. What was going with him?

It was Valentine's Day.

(Y/N) wasn't exactly in the best mood today, that feeling of loneliness lingered in her mind as she scrolled through different couples getting gifts and going on special dates. All the things she yearned for.

She sent Jean a message that morning and of course, he didn't respond. He read her messages from the previous night, but he never sent a genuine response. It made her heart feel heavy, maybe this was it. Maybe Jean just got tired of waiting around for her and found someone better.

She shoved her phone into her pocket as she knocked on the door of Sasha's apartment. She looked around as many people exited their apartments.

"Hey! You made it! We have all kinds of snacks!" Sasha yelled, opening the door so she could come inside.

(Y/N) smiled and stepped in. The aroma of food filled her nose. "Wow Sasha.. this smells great," she said, taking off her shoes.

Connie came in from the living room holding a plate. "Hey (Y/N)! Good to see you," he said and waved at her.

She smiled as she plopped down at the kitchen table, she grabbed a few pieces of candy and tossed them into her mouth. She tried to forget the upsetting thoughts for the night.

"You want something to eat?" Sasha asked as she came over with a plate of food.

(Y/N) shook her head. "I'm fine.. thank you Sasha," she replied, looking down at the table.

Connie came over and set a cup of soda in front of her. "Have something to drink at least," he said and sat next to Sasha.

She swirled around the soda that bubbled towards the top. "Thanks.." she replied and took a sip of the lemon flavored soda.

The two started eating and (Y/N) sat there looking at her phone, she silently hoped that Jean would message her back. It had been a few hours since she sent her last message, she felt disappointment going through her veins. She guessed that Jean was ghosting her, it hurt a ton, but there wasn't much she could do.

"(Y/N)! Connie loved the gift!" Sasha said and wiped her mouth with the napkin.

She nodded and gave a small smile. "Oh that's cool! I'm glad you liked it," she replied and looked towards Connie.

He smiled. "Yeah it was dope! It had all my favorite snacks," he said, looking at Sasha with a grin.

(Y/N) felt the heaviness in her heart, she wished someone would look at her the way Connie looked at Sasha.

"Hey what about that Jean guy you were talking to? I meant to ask," Connie asked and looked at her.

She laughed a bit. "Uh.. well I don't know what's going on with that. He's been kind of distant lately so I guess he's getting tired of me. It's understandable I guess.." she replied, looking down at the floor.

They could hear the sorrow in her voice. "I'm sorry (Y/N).. you'll find someone, I know you will." Sasha said.

She shrugged and leaned back in her chair. "I don't know guys.. I feel like after this I just wanna focus on me," she said, taking out her phone.

Connie looked over at her. "Don't say that now.. come on, have some hope." he said and gave a playful smile.

She rolled her eyes playfully. "I'll try," she replied.

Sasha and Connie finished up their food and cleaned the dishes, (Y/N) sat on the couch as the movie played on the tv. It was some romantic movie which she didn't even bother to pay attention to, she didn't exactly want to watch one at the moment.

Sasha appeared in the living room, she had her phone in her hand. "Hey whatcha doing?" she asked, leaning over to look at her phone.

"Oh nothing, just scrolling through Instagram," (Y/N) replied and clicked her phone off.

A ping went off as Sasha got a notification, she looked at her phone as a grin displayed on her features making (Y/N) curious.

"Did Connie send you nudes in the bathroom or something?" she asked and began to laugh.

A blush crept onto Sasha's cheeks. "What!? Absolutely not! You're so gross (Y/N)!" she yelled, hitting her arm. "Let's play a game, I'm bored." she added and stood up.

(Y/N) nodded. "A game? Sasha I'm not twelve.." she said and leaned against the couch.

Sasha came in with what seemed to be a blindfold. "Come on! It's fun okay? You just have to feel something and guess what it is," she said, crossing her arms.

"A blindfold? Jeez Sash.. didn't know you and Connie were into blindfolds," she said, starting to laugh.

Sasha hit her arm playfully. "Shut up! No I'm not into blindfolds.. you're gross! Just come here," she said and waved her over.

(Y/N) stood up and tossed her phone onto the couch. She walked over to Sasha who seemed excited to play, she hoped that this game wouldn't be weird.

"Alright.. let's get started," Sasha said, going behind her to tie the blindfold over her eyes.

She faintly heard the sound of the front door opening, she was confused as to who came in. Then she remembered Connie went to go throw out the garbage, so she figured it was Connie coming back in.

"Okay first thing!" Sasha said and held out the item for her to touch.

(Y/N)'s fingers brushed over the item, it felt cold. It felt like plastic too, was it a box? It felt smooth.

"Is this like.. a box or something?" she asked, looking around with the blindfold on.

She heard giggles and laughs coming from Connie and Sasha. "Yeah it's a box! Here's the next item," Sasha said.

Her fingers brushed over the soft material, it felt velvety and smooth. It felt like petals from a flower.

"Are these flowers?" she asked.

"Damn (Y/N)! You're good at this! Here's the last thing," Connie said, his voice sounding faded.

She furrowed her brows as she heard whispering and shuffling, she was tempted to remove the blindfold to see if they were playing a prank.

"Okay here," Sasha said.

She reached out feeling something hard, it felt like.. a chest? Her brows furrowed again as she ran her fingers along it.

"Sasha is this your chest? Connie is definitely not this muscular," (Y/N) asked, looking around for their voices.

Sasha giggled. "No it's not me! You can take your blindfold off in a sec," she said, taking out her phone.

(Y/N) felt nervous as she kept her hands on the person's chest, they felt warm and she could feel their heart racing against her skin.

"Okay now!" Sasha yelled.

(Y/N) removed her blindfold, letting her eyes adjust. When she looked up she was faced with the honey eyes of the person she least expected.

It was Jean.

Her jaw dropped as her hands slapped over her mouth, she couldn't believe it. He held in his hands flowers and a box of chocolate, the flowers being her favorite. Roses. He stood there smiling at her reaction, she looked back seeing Sasha recording and Connie laughing.

"You're real.." (Y/N) said, looking at Jean with wide eyes.

He smiled. "I'm real," he replied, opening his arms for her.

She tackled him with a bone crushing hug, his arms wrapping around her waist surrounding her in his embrace. She inhaled his scent and let his warmth engulf her.

Tears welled in her hues as she put her hands onto his face. "Pinch me please.." she said and laughed a bit.

Jean chuckled, cupping her cheek. "I don't think you're dreaming," he replied, pulling her closer.

"This is so cute I feel like a proud mom," Sasha said as she kept recording.

(Y/N) looked back. "H-How? How did you get him here?" she asked and nodded.

Connie rubbed the back of his neck. "We actually were both in on it, we paid for his ticket and everything. He's staying at my place actually," he said, smiling at her.

"Sasha planned the game too," Jean added and looked towards the brunette.

(Y/N) pulled Sasha into a tight hug. "I literally love you right now," she said as a few tears escaped down her cheeks.

"Uh (Y/N)! I think you should be the one telling him that," Sasha said, pointing at Jean.

She came back over to Jean who handed her the flowers. "Someone as beautiful as you are deserves these in person. Happy Valentine's Day beautiful," he said, smiling down at her.

She laughed as she took the flowers, her heart swelling. "Thank you really.." she replied, pulling him into another hug.

He put his arms around her, he felt his heart flutter as he felt her touch. "Do you want to..?"

"Get out of here?" she asked, nodding.

The two looked back at Sasha and Connie. "Knock yourselves out! Don't have too much fun (Y/N).." Connie said and smirked devilishly.

Heat rushed onto her cheeks. "I'd like to say the same to you both," Jean said, putting his arm around her shoulder.

Connie and Sasha both turned red. "Okay! Bye Jean and (Y/N)! Have fun!" Sasha said and ran out of the room.

They both turned to one another, laughs escaping both of their lips. "Let's go," she said, fishing around her pockets for her car keys.

Jean followed her out of Sasha's apartment building to her car, his hands brushing over her fingers a few times making her cheeks hot.

Once in the car, she began the drive back to her apartment. She couldn't keep her eyes off Jean, he looked so much better in person. All of his features stood out, his jawline, his hair, and his amazing eyes.

"You know.. you're 100x more beautiful in person," Jean said, breaking the silence between them.

She smiled. "Thank you… you're 100x more handsome," she replied and looked over at the passenger side.

Jean felt his cheeks grow red from her words. "I never thought in a million years I'd meet you this soon," he said and leaned back in his seat.

She laughed a bit. "I could say the same.. Sasha told me nothing about this," she replied, turning the steering wheel.

A chuckle erupted in his throat. "It was meant to be kept secret. Connie and Sasha both messaged me about it and I was in," he said.

"I thought you were ghosting me at first.. I was so bummed at her house,"

Jean looked over at her. "Oh never.. I'd never ghost you. Connie told me to just put distance so it wouldn't seem weird," he said, brushing his fingers over her arm.

Tingles ran around her body as he touched her. "I should have known something was up," she said and shook her head. "Anyway, we're here." she added, taking off her seatbelt.

Jean exited the car with her. He followed her up the stairs to her apartment. She opened the door and removed her shoes, Jean stepped in and eyed the room. She kept it clean and organized.

"Nice place," Jean said and smiled at her.

She looked back at him. "Oh thank you.. it means a lot," she replied, placing his gifts on the counter.

The two stood there for a moment just taking in their appearances. She felt her heart racing as Jean stood there eyeing her.

"So um.. what do you wanna do?" Jean asked, looking down at her.

She leaned against the wall. "I dunno.. maybe we can watch a movie in bed?" she asked, nodding.

"Sounds like a plan.. I gotta call Connie. He needs to drop my shit off in the morning if I'm sleeping here," he said and took out his phone.

(Y/N) rocked on her heels. "Sounds good! Um.. I'll be right back, I'm gonna change." she replied and made her way to her room.

Jean texted Connie and within seconds he responded with an 'ok'. He walked towards the room where (Y/N) was, her room was decorated nicely. She knew how to keep it clean. He noticed the familiar sights he used to see on facetime.

She came from the bathroom wearing shorts and a t-shirt. "Come sit," she said and hopped on her bed.

Jean felt stiff, he didn't want to make her uncomfortable or make any moves that were too quick.

"So uh… what kind of movie do you wanna watch?" he asked, looking at her nervously.

"Hmm.. horror?" she replied, looking back at him as she turned on the tv.

He nodded. "Sounds like a plan," he said and leaned back against the pillows on her bed.

She put on one of the horror movies and lied down next to him, her hands brushed over his arm veins. She traced lines where his muscles were. Goosebumps littered onto his skin feeling her touch.

"Don't be so stiff.. you aren't going to hurt me," (Y/N) said leaning up a bit.

He felt his nerves loosen up at her words. "Sorry.. I just don't wanna come off as a creep," he replied, rubbing the back of his neck.

She giggled, moving his arm so it was now around her waist. "You aren't a creep to me at all," she said, laying her head on his chest.

Jean's grip on her waist tightened as he brought her body closer to his. He imagined nights like these for so long, his arms around her holding her close so she never slips away.

She felt so warm next to him.

As the night went on, (Y/N) felt her eyes become droopy. She started to snooze against his chest, Jean smiled hearing her small snores and the way she twitched. He turned off the lamp and pulled the covers over the two of them.

The next morning Jean was awoken by (Y/N) moving out of his embrace. Her eyes trying to get used to the light that shone into her room, she grabbed her phone, the time reading 10:12 A.M.

She turned over to look at Jean who was awake. A giggle escaped her lips as she cuddled back into him.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep," she said and traced his muscles with her fingers.

He squeezed the flesh of her waist. "Don't worry about it," he replied and lied his chin onto her head. "What do you wanna do today, beautiful?" he asked.

She sighed. "Do you wanna just relax and chill? We don't have to go anywhere," she replied, looking up at him.

"Sounds fine by me," Jean said, staring up at the ceiling.

The two lied there for a few minutes before deciding to get dressed and ready for the day, Jean noticed his suitcases were at the front door. (Y/N) told him that Sasha had a spare key so she most likely stopped by while they were asleep. It made him laugh but also a little weirded out.

They both changed and lied around (Y/N)'s place, they took many photos together and goofed off. She never felt happier than she did in those moments, Jean didn't want to stop touching her. He loved feeling her smooth skin against his, he held her hand or brushed against her arm. Not in a creepy way of course.

It was around 6:30 in the afternoon, Jean and (Y/N) messed around in her apartment for most of the day. Watching movies, ordering food, taking photos, etc. It had been an amazing day.

"Hey Jean.." (Y/N) said, reaching up to play with the strands of his hair.

He looked down at her. "What's up?" he asked.

She smiled. "Do you wanna go to the pier near my house? We can watch the sunset," she asked, nodding her head.

His face lit up with excitement. "Hell yes! Let's go right now," he replied.

The two rushed out of the apartment and went to her car, the sun was going to set pretty soon, so they wanted to get to the pier at a decent time to see it all.

The car ride was fun, the two blasted music and sang along with the words.

Eventually, the two arrived at the pier. Many people walked along the sidewalks with each other, the summer air felt nice. Jean held her hand as they made their way up to the dock, some people leaned along the sides talking with one another.

The sun shined onto their faces, Jean's honey eyes looked like pure gold as the sun passed through them.

The tide from the waves crashed below them the seagulls flew in the sky or onto the ground.

"It's so pretty.." (Y/N) said, smiling as she leaned against the railing staring at the setting sun.

Jean admired the sky as it was painted with purples and oranges. "Yeah.. but not as pretty as you are," he said and held her hand in his.

She looked absolutely stunning to him. The way the sun shined over her skin and the way the wind lightly blew along her hair made his heart swell.

She was truly the most beautiful girl he ever laid his eyes on.

"I always imagined coming here with you.. it was my dream date," she said and smiled.

Jean took her hand into his. "Can I ask you something?" he asked.

She looked up at him. "Of course Jean," she replied and brushed a few strands of hair out of his face.

He let out a shaky breath. "(Y/N)... I never thought I'd ever get to meet you, but now that I have I realized how amazing you are. You're so beautiful.. don't even get me started on your smile either. You've made today so great and I've been meaning to ask you this question for so long. My feelings for you are strong and I can't imagine my life without you by my side," he said. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

She felt her heart burst at his words, she couldn't deny what she felt for Jean. "Yes! Yes!" she replied, putting her arms around his neck.

He smiled as he put his arms around her waist. "I love you.." he whispered.

Her eyes went wide. "I love you too.." she said, leaning into his face and pressing her lips onto his.

The kiss was passionate, his lips felt smooth and soft. It took her breath away.

"I promise I'll make you feel like a princess," Jean said and cupped her cheek. "I'll never let you go," he added.

She felt small tears form into her eyes. "I'll never let you go either," she said and smiled at him.

They stood there for awhile watching as the sun slowly disappeared behind the clouds, the sky painted in bright oranges and dark blues.

Arriving back home they both rushed up the stairs to her apartment. She unlocked it and pulled him into a heated kiss, the kiss feeling hot.

Jean made his way to the couch, his hands on her hips. "I didn't know you were this good of a kisser.." he whispered, smirking as he kissed her.

"I guess we're both full of surprises," she replied and put her arms around his neck.

He sat down on the couch, her thighs on either side of his legs. "Wait.." Jean said, breaking the kiss between them. "I need to mention one more thing," he added, looking up at her.

She nodded. "What's up?" she asked.

He felt a smile grow onto his lips. "I know I leave in two days but.. I wanted to let you know that I was pricing apartments around here as well as schooling.. and I found out I got accepted," he said.

Her jaw dropped hearing the news. "What!? No way! You're lying! Does that mean.." she said.

"I won't be far away anymore my love," he replied, cupping her cheek. "It's gonna take awhile for me to move in, but I should be here by the end of next month."

She felt excitement coursing through her. "That's great!" she said.

"I mean it when I say it that I do love you (Y/N).. it's not me saying that to impress you, I truly do." he said, smiling at her. "I can't imagine myself with anyone else. I want a future with you," he added.

She felt a smile grow onto her cheeks. "I love you too Jean… I want you with me forever," she said, running her fingers along his face.

He smiled and leaned in to kiss her lips. "Your wish is granted baby," he said and pressed his lips against hers.

She giggled, leaning down towards him. "What do you say we celebrate?" she asked, smirking.

He eyed her hungrily. "Oh you wanna be like that huh? Consider it your special Valentine's Day treat," he replied, bringing her body close to his.

#anime #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot x reader #aot x y/n #aot imagines #aot fanfiction #snk x reader #snk x y/n #snk imagines #snk fanfiction #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #Jean Kirschstein #jean x reader #jean kirstein x reader #attack on titan fanfiction #anime fanfic #ugh i loved this

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agathabridgerton · 4 years ago

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if it's still open, number 31; doing a pinky swear? thank u in advance <33

31. doing a pinky swear. I know that you were probably expecting it to be between Mulder and Scully, but I had an idea for a fic earlier today and this just works really well with it!

Pinky Promise

Scully hesitates to trust babysitters after everything she’s been through, which means that the only people she allows to watch Emily when she’s gone are ones that she’s known for a long time. This is why, when she’s called down to Quantico to do an emergency autopsy late at night, she picks up her cell and dials Mulder’s number.

“Mulder,” he greets, sounding wide awake. Scully sighs in relief and turns around to watch Emily, who’s sitting on the couch with a coloring book.

“Mulder, it’s me. Sorry to bother you so late, but I’ve just got called down to do an autopsy down at Quantico and I need someone to watch Em.”

Before she can explain any of the details, Mulder says, “I’ll be there in twenty.”

“Thank you. I’ll set everything up for Emily’s bed time, and I already have everything set up in the bathroom for a bath, if you can do that, too. Thank you so much.”

“It’s no problem, Scully. Em and I are the best of friends.”

She purses her lips against a grin and bites her lip. “See you soon, Mulder.”

—

Mulder knocks on the door before entering with his key, letting Emily topple him to the ground when she runs over to give him a hug. “Oh, no! Emily attack! Ahhh!”

The four-year-old’s giggles draw Scully from her daughter’s bedroom with a smile on her face. She helps Emily off of Mulder while he takes off his coat, crouching down to tell her, “Be good for Mulder, okay? I have to do something for work but I’ll be back soon.” Scully presses a kiss to her daughter’s forehead, smoothing her hair back.

“Doctor’s number is still on the fridge, directions for bath time in the bedroom. I’ve got bed time stored in here,” Mulder lists, pointing to his head. “We’ll be great, Scully. You know that I’ll call you if it’s necessary.”

His partner inhales and exhales as Emily looks up at them expectantly. “She’s been going through a Barbie phase, so if she gets fussy, pop one of the tapes in. And once you get her going in the bath, she’ll be fine,” Scully whispers. “Thanks for coming over.”

“It’s really no problem, Scully. I have a whole plan for how to occupy the time. We’re good.” He nods and she nods with him before slipping on her coat, grabbing her keys, and slipping out the door with one last goodbye.

—

True to her mother’s word, Emily fought him all the way to the bathroom, but once she got used to the water, she was fine. She’d forgotten her anger in favor of telling him a story with her bath toys, the main character the alien squeaker he’d given her for her birthday.

Now, freshly-washed, Emily sits in his lap, facing the TV as he braids her hair. She giggles and sings along to the Barbie movie he put in as a way to keep her happy, since brushing and drying hair could be a pain.

“All done!” he announces, wrapping his arms around her small body in a hug and pressing a kiss to her head before moving her to sit next to him on the couch.

“Yay!” Emily reaches back to touch her damp hair with a grin. “I can’t wait to show Mommy my hair in the morning! Will you help me, Mulder? I don’t think I can take it out myself.”

“Of course, Pumpkin.”

She looks at him very seriously and extends her hand, pinky out. “Do you pinky promise?”

“I do,” Mulder replies with solemnity, his pinky dwarfing hers as they shake on it.

—

By the time the movie’s over, she’s half asleep against his side. Moving very slowly, Mulder turns and picks her up. He brings Emily to her bed, tucking her in with a forehead kiss and an affectionate, “I love you,” that she sleepily returns.

When he turns back to the doorway, he sees Scully standing their with a tender look on her face. “Thank you,” she tells him when he joins her outside Emily’s room. And then she kisses him.

True to his promise to Emily, he’s there in the morning to help her present her wavy hair to Scully.

#txf #fanfiction #mine #todayinfic #emily sim #dana scully #fox mulder #ask #emily fic

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waitingforminjae · 3 years ago

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no but really the please don't mv and flower of evil taught me so much abt how to write a good narrative twist and how even a third person semi-omnicient pov can be unreliable

please don't relies on the viewer's heteronormative assumptions to deliver it's twist. we've all seen countless stories like this: person a loves person b of the opposite gender, but person b is dating person a's friend. unrequited love and the friendzone are a fool-proof and common tropes - seo inguk himself had just shot to fame playing a boy in love w his female best friend in reply 1997 that same year.

i think it also relies on that too - we've seen this scenario before and we've seen seo inguk in this scenario before. it's familiar. you know how it's gonna go. but when you watch it back, you realize that ur assumptions were wrong, but also that nothing really changes? like please don't tells u "here's this guy that's in love with his friend who's getting married" and it's the VIEWER that assumes it's the girl, not the guy. like, yeah she's in the car, but wouldn't you be miserable in the same car as ur crushes partner? especially if ur also friends w them.

it made me realize that a good twist doesn't retcon what u laid out before, or break ur promise w ur audience, but rather goes against ur audience's assumptions about what's gonna happen, without sacrificing the integrity of what you've laid out before then.

and flower of evil. god. flower of evil taught me that there's such a thing as an unreliable thrid person omniscient narrator. it more deliberately guides it's audience towards the false conclusions it wants them to make, but only so that it can challenge them: why did you believe what we told you? it redefines for the audience what it means to think outside the box. oftentimes even those who claim to think outside the box aren't rlly doing so. flower of evil throws away the box. it has made me question the narrative of every piece of media i've interacted w since, just as it wanted to. it challenged ideas of group think and assumptions people make about traumatized people and people with behavioral or personality disorders, showing how none of us are ever truly free of the biases around us and how social stigma can influence all aspects of life, including professional diagnosis. in a sense, it makes the audience complacent in the abuse do hyunsoo suffered, because you naturally make the same wrong assumptions about him, and then shows you how those assumptions ruined his life and traumatized him. it was a masterclass in writing, and easily one of the best tv shows ever made.

idk but both of those r lessons i'm gonna carry forward into my life and my writing for the rest of my life tbh

#this is long sorry 😭#i just have a lot of thoughts abt both of these #f: flower of evil #m: k.will #foe

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communistkenobi-archive · 3 years ago

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Mr kenobi pls tell us ur spicy witcher opinions if u have any

I have lots of Witcher opinions!!! Fair warning though this will be long and rambly and winding lol

To preface, most of my enjoyment of the Witcher comes from the third game. I’ve read several of the books (though not all) and seen some of the TV show, but the third game is the one I generally return to when I want to experience the Witcher world again (although I highly recommend the two short story collections, The Last Wish and Sword of Destiny. Those are my faves from the book series and are also the ones that the games borrow most heavily from). Witcher 2 is also pretty good but I’ll focus on W3.

I started replaying W3 recently after (sorry for what I’m about to say, I promise it will be relevant) finishing Supernatural and desperately wanting a better version of the monster/bounty hunting genre. What’s most compelling about the Witcher, to me at least, is that it’s not afraid of its own shadow. It accepts the logical conclusions of its own premise - you’re a guy who’s paid to hunt monsters and that’s exactly what you do, but “monster” is not some neutral or objective category. A lot of monsters are just creatures whose homes have been disturbed by the local population not respecting the environment around them, and are understandably angry and violent because their way of life is being threatened. A lot of monsters (especially spectres and other spiritual creatures) are manifested as a result of human beings committing horrific acts of violence, cruelty, and betrayal - people who are now begging Geralt to clean up their mess. A lot of monsters aren’t monsters at all but people that the citizenry have declared monstrous because they’re a little too good at practicing medicine, or they’re too successful in their intellectual pursuits (frequently these people are women, although men are also labelled as such). Often times the pretext of “hunting monsters” is thrown out entirely and people come up to Geralt and straight up ask him to kill their neighbour because they stole their shit, or to “get rid of” elves or dwarves that are minding their own business but have the misfortune of living too close to some paranoid and bigoted person.

Geralt’s position as someone who specialises in hunting monsters isn’t akin to “pest control” (which, hilariously, Supernatural frequently makes reference to when the brothers try to describe their own job to outsiders). Geralt is a necessary reactive measure to existing political and social conflicts, frequently called upon by powerful people to uphold the status quo and often violently punished when he does not do so. His presence in the game is inherently political, and his status as a Witcher puts him in the same category as “monster”, meaning he’s actively shunned, feared and despised by the same people begging him to save their asses.

And the very interesting thing about the game is that, like, yeah sure you can choose to be a dude who cleans up the messes of rich people, protect their property, and generally be a violent asshole to people and creatures who don’t deserve it. But you can also not do that. And it’s often much more difficult! Sympathising with the monstrous and the marginal will commonly cost you a lot of money, or favours, or even threaten your life. And even if you aren't punished for that sympathy, it usually requires you to work through the problem in your head and come up with an alternative solution that is more labour-intensive than simply killing the thing you're contracted to kill, like figuring out how to break a complicated curse or how to solve an interpersonal dispute between people. Sometimes you piss off an entire town by not, for example, killing a bunch of innocent people they started beef with, and forever after are met with insults and pitchforks should you return. But the game makes it very clear that you have to choose one of these two things. You can’t do your job “neutrally” because there is no such thing as neutrality when it comes to hunting the things that society deems as monstrous or deviant. People often remember Geralt’s speech from the trailer (and the books) “evil is evil, less, greater, middling, makes no difference. […] if I’m to choose between one evil or another, I’d rather not choose at all”, and the game is very aware that that is the basic premise of Geralt’s character and works towards disabusing him of the notion that he’s able to remain neutral.

A lot of player-choice-focused RPGs struggle with the morality of the choices presented to the player, and I think the Witcher does a very good job with it (especially with small scale, self contained conflicts that don’t tie into the overall story). Mass Effect goes the easy route and literally colour codes the morality of your choices, enforcing an almost metaphysical system of ethics that is determined by the game mechanics itself rather than a conscious engagement the player has with the conflict in the game. But with the Witcher you have to pay attention to what people tell you. Often times quests will require you to get multiple perspectives on a given conflict, and everyone will tell you a wildly different story that favours their own goals, biases, and motivations. And you have to make a decision based on incomplete and inaccurate information, and the game will not tell you if you made the “correct” choice. There is no higher moral power telling you what’s good or bad, you have to make that decision and then live with the consequences. There’s also sometimes no way to know how a certain event would go down had you decided the other way unless you look it up online or choose differently on your next playthrough. Sometimes the consequences aren’t even immediately apparent, and come back to haunt you (sometimes literally) many days or weeks or months down the line. The game is not, like, “paternalistic” with its own information, it doesn’t present an objective omniscient view of what “really” happened with X quest or Y character. I think that narrative choice reinforces how lonely Geralt is. He’s never given the freedom of abstaining from asking “is what I’m doing okay?”

Now the game isn’t without its problems of course. A huge problem is that it deals with deviance and marginalisation without ever meaningfully engaging with race and racial politics. Like yes elves and dwarves are mistreated, but they’re also all white, and the story sometimes even does a “both sides are bigoted” thing with elves. iirc this is more prevalent in Witcher 2, and it’s been a while since I played the main game of Witcher 3, but I remember those criticisms being part of the discussion of the game(s), and they’re well-founded. The game also doesn’t always hold true to the philosophy I’ve outlined above. Not every quest is some deep moral quandary, and sometimes you just kill stuff for money. Which is fine! But it’s not always consistent.

The OTHER thing I find really interesting is that the game is set in a vaguely feudal society but has a fully realised institution of science (iirc this was established with huge help from witches, which is a very cool and interesting concept). Now I’m not a historian or an expert on the exact sequence of events that lead to the Enlightenment in our own history, so this is going to be incomplete and probably reductive in some way, but I’ve read critical reviews of Enlightenment era intellectual discoveries (ie the time period commonly referred to as the birth of modern science, which came after the collapse of feudalism) and its function in society, and a major criticism of the movement is that scientific logic and inquiry was often used in colonial pursuits and ambitions by the state, and was, to modern standards, completely made up horseshit (things like eugenics and race science more broadly is a huge product of this).

And in the game it’s also sort of like that? At the very least the Witcher doesn’t uncritically endorse scientists and intellectuals as inherently good or noble people in the way a lot of media with generally liberal politics does. But IMO it’s critical of these institutions in a non-reactionary and non-anti-intellectual way - oftentimes you’ll find the notes of a scientist or otherwise “intellectually minded” person, and their experiments are just like horrifically cruel bullshit with no real point aside from punishing creatures and people these scientists have deemed as beneath them. Science that only seems to reinforce the status quo (categorising things as “monsters” and then leveraging that label to do terrible things to them) is often the reality of the day. Again, not always, but often. Which is super compelling!

ALSO also idk where to put this because it's a comparatively minor point, but I looooove how much of a bitch Yennefer is. Like unapologetically an asshole to a lot of people while still remaining sympathetic, and especially if you read the books you can track her development into a kinder and more considerate person over the course of many years. She was one of the few bright spots in the Witcher TV show for me and I loved her actress’s performance.

Anyway lol I very much enjoy the Witcher. It’s championed by a lot of dumbass centrist gamer bros as the pinnacle of rationality and logic and “both sides” style of debate that terminally annoying nerds love (which to my great shame was my perspective on the game when I first played it as an 18 y/o), but in my opinion the Witcher is very alive to the contradictions and irrationalities that exist in human societies and is very eager to explore them. It earnestly asks the player to reckon with what exactly the label “monster” does in society, the power it has, and who benefits from that label being applied to various people and supernatural creatures. Geralt often remarks that he’s not a bounty hunter, that “a silver sword for monsters and a steel one for humans” is a fundamental misunderstanding of the work he does, and the game deliberately problematises the human/monster dichotomy in a way that isn’t misanthropic or reactionary, which is pretty impressive!

I have other criticisms of the game’s overall story that are hard to talk about without me playing through the entire game again to jog my memory, but it’s easily one of the favourite games ever and I love it a lot. Blood and Wine and Hearts of Stone are both amazing additions as well and add a lot to the game.

#misc.txt #lol idk what to tag this as i dont rly have a dedicated witcher tag on here #witcher

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wizkiddx · 4 years ago

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without making this a sap story ive had some not so great news from home and am in one of them moods to not talk abt it. but i need a tom h to hug me , pls could u write something like that?

hey anon - i am sending u all my love, and hope things get a little easier for u as soon as possible. if u ever do wanna chat abt nothing or rant just send me a pm x I hope this is at least somewhat what u were looking for <33

summary: life is sometimes not good, but your fave boy makes it just a little easier to deal with (with some original help from his brother too)

a bit angsty but i promise mainly fluff (and a popcorn fight?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What drew you out of the sort-of-trance was a two soft but firm knocks at the door - well Tom’s bedroom door. You’d been relaxing with him and Harry, watching the new ‘Line of Duty’ when your mum had called for the daily catch up. Admittedly, she had already tried to call you twice today but somehow you’d managed to miss both of them. On reflection, possible not that shocking because you’d been at a charity golf day with the boys which involved a fair amount of noise, chat and competition.

Thankfully the boys had both done pretty well, Tom coming slightly ahead but that was the norm between the two. It meant they were both happily basking in their relative victories and not moody and grumpy like they are oh so often when things go wrong. Because to them, against your pleading, begging and sometimes lecturing…. golf was not just a game.

You and your mum had always been very close, so usually speaking to her was uplifting and made you feel a little bit more complete - what with travelling with Tom for work, her voice was a slice of home. This time though, it was not so much the case. It was just sad news about your home town. Nothing directly to your family or close friends but still, it makes you feel generally down.

Who knows how long it’d been since you’d hung up on the phone, just staring at the wall opposite. Everything felt just hollow and empty, lacking in meaning somewhat. You weren’t necessarily thinking, more like devoid of emotion, of thoughts, of anything. Just a bit cold.

“Y/n…Y/n?” His voice sounded hesitant, as though scared he was interrupting your call. When you didn’t respond, the door cracked open and his fluffy head poked in, not that you noticed - your brain was still half absent. Tom on the other hand, was instantly looking you up and down, very much confused as the why you looked so rigid and not present. Noticing the phone was lying quiet on the bed in front of you, he felt safe to enter. He made a beeline for the bed, perching himself down on the edge, in-front of you - so he was blocking your fascinating view of the grey wall opposite.

“What’s going on in that little head of yours?” His voice was soft and gravely, choosing not to put much energy into his vocal box as he rubbed up and down one of your arms.

“Hmmm? Sorry, was miles away.”

“Could tell darl.” As he chuckled his eyes crinkled round the outside. “How was your mum?”

“Yeh…um okay, I-I guess.” As much as you wanted to shake yourself out of it, it just wasn’t that easy. Everything was laced with this underlying chilliness.

“You sure? You dont really sound it?”

“No, I um…well I’m not sure. I think I’m okay?”

“What happened?” You shook your head in response, making Tom press his lips together with a small nod. “ Don’t wanna talk about it huh?”

“Not… not right now. Please?”

With a permitting nod, Tom stood up and squeezed your hand, urging you to follow. Trailing behind him into the living room, he then instructed you to take a seat on the sofa adjacent to Harry, Tom himself disappearing back into the house. It made you pout a little, you wanted him to just look after you a little this evening but that self pity wasn’t allowed to last long - because a piece of popcorn flew into your cheek. You whipped your head around, with mouth open feigning shock, to see Harry smirking at you cradling a bowl full of other possible missiles in hand.

“And what was that for?” He shrugged his shoulders, turning his head back to the TV.

“You looked sad.”

“…” Your mouth was open, no words coming out though, as you looked at the frizzy haired boy in bemusement. Sometimes you thought you understood how his head worked but at other points, the boy was a bloody mystery. Instead of explaining his thought process (because there almost certainly wasn’t one), he just smiled evily at you - wiggling his brows. And I know you know what that meant.

Sure enough by the time Tom reentered the room, arms full with different objects he’d collected round the house, the floor had been littered with popcorn kernels. You and Harry were squealing at each other as handfuls of the snack were catapulted vaguely at each other as you chased him round the room. It took Tom shouting at the both of you for you to freeze, slowly lowering your hands in ceasefire with a giggle.

“I leave you alone for two minutes.”

“ It was his fault!” You protested, causing a 5 minute of ‘ he said-she said’ between the two of you, even if Tom wasn’t listening to the bickering. Instead, he quickly whizzed round the room picking up all the obvious popcorn bits and then spread out all the blankets he’d got from round the rented house on the sofa.

You knew Harry, in his very own and special way, was only doing all this to cheer you up and you couldn’t appreciate it more. Your relationship with him had recently got so much closer, thanks to Tom being busy on set actually filming - while you and Harry just had some quality ‘almost sibling’ times. And now living with him too - naturally he had grown to know your tells almost as well as Tom.

“Alright children calm down… thought we could watch movie?” Plopping himself down on the cream seat, Tom made grabby hands to you which of course you had to comply with.

“I’ll um… I’m gonna leave you to- well to the being in love shit. It’ll make me chunder”

“We love you too bro” Tom called to Harry, who was already on his way out - but the tone of gratefulness in his voice was evident, he appreciated Harry noticing that the two of you could do with time together.

“Don’t make it weird!” Harry’s response had you sniggering, as you pulled the fluffiest blanket over both you and Tom and nestling into his side.

After a few minutes of Tom pretending to argue with you about film choice, before ultimately agreeing with your choice of ‘La la land’ as he always planned on letting you. The Holland boys were both very talented at subtly being a shoulder if needed, and yes you knew it was all an act - but you weren’t about to call him out. About halfway through he kissed the crown of your head and murmured. “Can tell you’re not watching darling.” He wasn’t wrong to be fair. Yes, you were looking at the screen - but your mind was far away from the plot line.

“Sorry I um… minds like a runaway train sometimes.” Tom released a breathy chuckle at that before murmuring a ‘come ‘ere’ to you as he all but lifted you up from sitting by his side. You ended up lying almost onto of him, with both of Tom’s strong arms holding you tightly to him. Smiling into his chest, you nestled closer so the soundtrack to the movie played over the top of his constant thudding heartbeat. It took a few moments of you both just staring into the screen, completely contented for Tom to speak, squeezing you slightly tighter whilst the two of you watched Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone twirling on the road.

“I gotchu now lovie”

And you swore then that all the thoughts racing in your mind were outpaced by those of a different kind. Still intense ideas, ones that buzzed round your brain, but these were happy. Thoughts of ‘how could I be so lucky’ and ‘I love this man with my whole heart’.

Apparently these thoughts were also a comfort because when Tom looked down at you after what must’ve been at least half an hour, you were spark out. Breathing deep and unchanging, eye locked shut and mouth slightly squashed against his chest so your lips were pressed together. But what made the boy physical pout was the way you relaxed hand was loosely balled round a fistful of his purple hoodie. As if you were clutching at him to keep him as close to you as possible.

He felt so grateful - not only for you, but also for the fact that he had the ability to make it a little better. You didn’t need him - Tom swore you were one of the most fiercely independent people he’d ever met - yet it was clear you wanted him. You wanted him when you felt down, the same way you wanted to be around him when you were overly hyper and chatting pure rubbish. You didn’t want him because he was the ‘Tom Holland’ you wanted him because he was Tom.

He couldn’t fix what was going on back at your home (I mean right now, he still didnt even know what was going on). But he did know how to make everything just a little less shit. He knew how to be your person.

And that would forever be job Tom was most proud of.

once again sending u all lots of love (esp u anon 💕)

would love to know what u guys think if ya made it this far ;)

tagging (link to join) : @hallecarey1 @hollandfanficlove

#tom holland #Tom Holland fluff #tom holland x reader #tom holland blurb #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland angst #tom holland x y/n #tom holland imagines #harry holland

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havenoffandoms · 4 years ago

Text

Just Fine (Aiden/Lambert)

Based on Kashimalin’s 50 Types of Kisses Prompt List

Read on Ao3

Prompt: “Pulling away from a kiss, whispering words of love against each other’s lips.”

Summary:

Today is the day. Lambert knows he should feel more excited at the thought of his boyfriend returning home, to the safety of Lambert’s embrace, but he can’t help the anxiety building inside him and twisting his stomach in a way he doesn’t care for in the least.

Lambert knows that he should be excited, but the sentiment is tarnished by his crippling anxiety, and he feels like the worst boyfriend in the world.

Warnings: mention of amputation, modern AU

“So, today’s the day, huh?” Eskel smirks as he watches Lambert positively vibrating with excitement where he’s sat on a chair opposite Eskel. The coffee shop is mostly empty, save for another couple in the corner exchanging kisses and giggling carelessly as they rejoice in their puppy love. Lambert chose this place because it’s closest to the airport, but admittedly the place isn’t half-bad and the coffee doesn’t taste like piss.

“Stop that, it’s creepy,” Lambert grouses as he stuffs another forkful of chocolate cake into his mouth. When he notices Eskel’s confused frown, Lambert rolls his eyes and adds pointedly, “you, being all excited on my behalf. That’s unnatural. Stop it.”

“Whatever.” Eskel takes a sip of his tea - because Eskel is the kind of person who likes to drink tea for fun - before levelling Lambert with a look that the latter knows all too well. “You’re allowed to be excited about his return, you know? It’s been a year since he-”

“I know,” Lambert quickly interrupts before Eskel has a chance to finish his sentence, “I am excited.”

“Tell your face, then.”

“Shut up, prick.”

“It’s gonna be fine, Lambert.” Eskel reaches across the table to squeeze Lambert’s clammy hand. “I know you’re worried because of his injury, but you’ll both figure it out together. You don’t love him any less for it, right?”

“Of course not,” Lambert snaps in response as he snatches his hand away, angry at the mere suggestion that his feelings for Aiden would disappear for something as superficial as a physical injury, “of course I don’t love him any less for it. It’s just…”

Eskel doesn’t press him, and Lambert is grateful for that. Truth be told, he’s not entirely sure why he feels so anxious at the thought of seeing Aiden again. It’s been a long year without his boyfriend there to warm his bed and his life. Aiden is the life of Lambert’s entire life, and a year without him felt like the longest time. A whole year went by since Aiden was deployed and has been fighting overseas, taking part in a war that has lost all meaning. He missed birthdays, holidays spent with family around a hearty meal, milestone anniversaries... A year of Lambert staying up late at night, calling Aiden whenever his connection permitted it or writing letters to send his boyfriend when speaking to him proved too difficult. A year of Lambert switching the TV or radio on every morning before heading to work, listening for the announcements and hoping he wouldn’t hear Aiden’s name listed among the soldiers that perished as part of this senseless war.

Just over a week ago, Aiden called Lambert from a military hospital overseas a short two days after he was involved in an explosion that cost the lives of hundreds of civilians and soldiers alike. While Aiden survived the blast, he sustained a considerable injury to his leg. The doctors couldn’t save it, Aiden told Lambert over the phone, the leg had to come off. Lambert remembered crying on the phone that night, not because he mourned the loss of Aiden’s leg - they were tears of relief because Aiden came this close to dying in the blast that killed so many people. Lambert came this close to losing the most important person in his life. Come home, baby, Lambert remembered begging Aiden over the phone, I need you to come home. Today is the day. Lambert knows he should feel more excited at the thought of his boyfriend returning home, to the safety of Lambert’s embrace, but he can’t help the anxiety building inside him and twisting his stomach in a way he doesn’t care for in the least. As a result of the injury he suffered, Aiden had to retire from the military early. While Lambert was happy to have his boyfriend return to him, he knew that Aiden struggled with the thought of retiring at the prime of his career. Not only is he out of a job, but his job prospects are not looking too bright, either. Aiden will have to spend time in physiotherapy, physical rehabilitation courses, counselling… Lambert knows the next months will be tough on his boyfriend.

Lambert knows that he should be excited, but the sentiment is tarnished by his crippling anxiety, and he feels like the worst boyfriend in the world.

“It’s gonna be just fine, Lamb.” Eskel sounds so sure, so confident, that Lambert is almost inclined to believe him. “I promise, brother. You and Aiden will be just fine.”

“I hope you’re right, Kel.”

The drive to the airport is longer than Lambert remembers it being. The car is filled with the sound of heavy rock and heavy metal, the loud emphatic beats and distorted guitar solos washing over Lambert in calming waves. His brothers call him weird for finding this kind of music ‘soothing’, but it works for him, so his brothers can kiss his ass. The sun is beating down on the world below, forcing Lambert to crank up the A/C in the car. He drives along miles of barbed wire, “KEEP OUT” signs and parked aircraft. Lambert checks the time on his dashboard and realises that he’s a whole half an hour early. It isn’t exactly unheard of for soldiers’ families to arrive early and prepare for their loved one’s arrival - either by setting up signs, powdering their noses or getting the children to practice a welcome home song to celebrate their parents’ triumphant return. Lambert usually just waits in the shadows until Aiden comes into view, at which point he pulls his boyfriend close to him so they can get reacquainted away from prying eyes.

Lambert pulls into the airport multistorey parking complex, and thankfully he doesn’t have to spend ages looking for a parking space. As he pulls up into a tight space, Lambert’s heart sinks in his chest. Aiden will probably be travelling in a wheelchair - and he will be using one for a while, at least until he gets his prosthetic leg fitted. There’s no way in hell that Aiden will be able to comfortably step into the car if Lambert stays parked in this spot, but what other choice does he have? He doesn’t have a disabled parking permit yet, but Lambert guesses that’s something they’ll have to think about now. Until then, all he can do is park further away from the door and hope that no one will use the bay next to the passenger side so Aiden has enough space to move comfortably. So that’s precisely what he does. Shit, is Lambert overthinking this? Is he looking for problems where there are none? The last thing he wants is to tiptoe around Aiden’s disability. The last thing he wants is to make Aiden feel like things have changed because he lost his leg.

Shit. Why is he crying now? He should be excited, goddammit.

Lambert angrily wipes the tears and steps out of the car. They’ll be just fine, that’s what Eskel said. Eskel sounded so confident, so sure of himself, but hell, what if he’s wrong? What if Aiden leaves Lambert? What if Aiden pushes Lambert away? It was probably a mistake to read up all those army wives’ blogs and the nightmarish stories about husbands shutting down and falling into depression after sustaining a serious injury. Shit, what if Lambert isn’t good enough? What if Aiden thinks that Lambert is a lousy boyfriend who can’t take well enough care of him?

Deep breaths, Lambert. In, out. In, out. In-

Shit, why are there so many people in this fucking airport? Lambert stands in his usual corner, shying away from the crowds, averting everyone’s eyes as he stares at his phone. He shoots his brothers a text in their group chat - Have I ever told u guys how much I h8 crowds? - hoping that they will understand and distract him from the panic welling up in his chest. As he waits for an answer from either Geralt or Eskel, Lambert switches to his Facebook app and scrolls through his feed. He doesn’t have to wait long until the group chat pings with Geralt’s response.

G: You’ve mentioned it once or twice… or 100

Lambert snorts as he shoots a sassy comeback.

So mentioning it 1 more time won’t hurt. I fucking h8 goddamn crowds.

A quick glance at the arrivals screen tells Lambert that Aiden’s plane landed a few short minutes ago. Not long before they are reunited and able to hug it out in the middle of the airport. At this point, Lambert doesn’t give a shit anymore about what other people think of them. He almost lost Aiden, so he will go on his knees and hug him, wheelchair be damned. Lambert looks around him and sees many families and loved ones itching to welcome the soldiers back. Some of them brought flowers, or the puppy they bought last week as a welcome-home present, and even newborn babies. Lambert wonders if he should have bought Aiden a gift to commemorate the beginning of his retirement. He feels like that would be in bad taste considering Aiden’s feelings on the matter.

The first soldiers start to filter through the door, eyes scanning the room and lighting up when they land on familiar faces. Many people cry tears of joy and relief, others manage to keep a modicum of composure, and some even let out shrill cries of joy as they are finally reunited with the people they love and cherish the most. There is still no sight of Aiden and part of Lambert worries that something happened to him in the week it took the military to organise his repatriation. Feeling the panic well up in him again, Lambert pulls out his phone and opens the group chat window. L: What if he doesn’t come back?

It doesn’t take long for his phone to vibrate with Eskel’s response.

E: As if he’d pass up an opportunity to come back to his pain in the ass boyfriend.

L: Ass.

G: He’ll come back, Lamb. He’ll come back and he’s not leaving again.

Lambert takes a deep breath as he lets these words run through his mind. Aiden is coming back. He’s coming back. He’s-

“Why, hello there,” a familiar voice breaks through the storm raging in Lambert’s head, “come here often?”

Aiden looks so… so like himself. He’s sporting that familiar cocksure grin and his eyes shimmer with all the emotions he can’t bring himself to voice. His voice sounds so self-assured, even though Lambert knows he’s only a breath away from losing it and crying tears of relief. His hair is slightly longer and Lambert can make out the familiar dark curls he loves so much. Aiden looks so much like his old self that Lambert forgets, for a short minute, that he’s missing the lower half of his left leg entirely.

“Aiden. You’re here.”

“No place I’d rather be.”

Lambert doesn’t feel himself fall to his knees until they hit the solid surface of the airport floor, cracking in protest at the impact. He lunges forward and wraps his arms around Aiden’s middle, squeezing tightly and burying his face in his boyfriend’s stomach. He’s unable to bite back the tears this time, and if Aiden notices that the soft material of his t-shirt is soaked right through, he doesn’t draw attention to it. Instead, he cards his fingers through Lambert’s short hair, softly shushing him and whispering heartfelt reassurances in the air pocket between them.

“I’m here, baby,” Aiden tells him over and over, “I’m back. I’m here, sweetheart. I love you.”

“I missed you,” Lambert hears himself say, “I missed you. I was so scared, Aiden, you don’t understand-”

“I’m here, Lamb. I’m here. You don’t have to be scared, anymore.”

They’ve got so much shit to figure out, Lambert knows. They need to think about all the adjustments they need to make to their lives, all the paperwork they’ll have to fill out, therapy sessions they have to book and medical insurance they need to update. All these things that terrified Lambert a few hours earlier, all these plans that made panic well in him and want to run for the hills… all these worries weighing him down disappear the second Lambert feels Aiden’s arms around him, squeezing him, comforting him.

“I’m not scared,” Lambert assures Aiden, pulling back and straightening up so he can place a soft kiss on Aiden’s lips. They still feel the same against his own, they still taste the same, too. Nothing has changed. Aiden is still Aiden. “Not anymore.”

“Anymore?” There’s a teasing edge in Aiden’s voice, a mocking grin tugging at his lips. “Ah, kitten. You don’t have to worry about a thing. I gotcha. Now shut up and kiss me again.”

Lambert happily obliges Aiden’s request. Their lips slot against each other like they didn’t just spend a year apart. Their kiss is tender and soft at first, but Lambert is quick to deepen it by licking Aiden’s bottom lip. Neither of them cares about the potential eyes on him - nobody is likely to pay attention to them, not when they’re all lost in the joy of being reunited with their own family members. Lambert breaks the kiss briefly to whisper a soft ‘I love you’ to Aiden. His cheeks turn red as he speaks those three words which still feel too intimate to be loudly proclaimed in public, even after all these years. Aiden steals another kiss before reciprocating the sentiment, his breath ghosting over Lambert’s lips and sending a peasant shiver coursing through his body.

They have lots of shit to figure out, but Aiden is here and he’s not going anywhere. Aiden is here, and neither of them has to deal with the situation on their own. They’ll be just fine. Everything will be just fine.

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