#i promise im getting to the asks/threads i owe lol

[dalishborne]

not me realizing that light-plotting actually helps w/ writing motivation and muse connection

[araedi]

I promised an update on my life/activity and stuff, so here it is! I’ll stuff it all under the cut but the tldr is I’m still here just on a super slow. I’m always down for chats and interactions as long as you’re cool with that!

I’m quite private about myself online so gonna keep this brief (lol watch me do anything but), but I feel like I keep circling back to apologising every few months for not being here enough then punishing myself over it when I’m not magically active again. It’s ultimately a hobby but I still feel bad that people writing with me could be feeling let down/ignored, so I wanted to drop this rather than keep on cycling the same apology until it feels hollow.

Life’s a Lot right now: I’m currently juggling two part time jobs, pretty much full household responsibilities for three people, night-school with essays, and an emotionally intensive placement as part of my training which also involves paperwork. Home life is also less than ideal (won’t go into details). On top of this, I have chronic health problems alongside chronic pain so most days I’m just crabby and exhausted; my mental health could be better but rn it just feels like I’m treading water to get to a place where I’ll have fewer commitments.

Ultimately rp and writing/creative stuff in general is part of how I unwind so I’ll always be around because this outlet is so rewarding, but as it stands I’m just so mentally and pysically drained that when I do have the time I’d rather just switch my brain off and play a bit of a game and have a sliver of social life than try to force out writing which is gonna be sub-par. I’ve been feeling kinda down about my writing for a bit and just feel like I’m giving the same post over and over, which also isn’t helpful!

As for my activity and where y’all fit: I’m still around and intend to be; still responding to DM’s on Discord or IM’s on here (unreliable though they are -_-) just being ridiculously slow with replies and popping reblogs or replies out just as and when. I’m not the type to up and quit, hell I’ve been on this blog for years so I’m going nowhere, just on the go-slow with the odd spurt of like 3-5 replies.

Of course I 100% understand if this weird unpredictable activity doesn’t fit for you: we all have different needs and expectations with this hobby and if me only showing up now and again isn’t gonna work that’s totally ok and you don’t have to follow or write with me: it’s been a blast knowing you!

If you’re chill to stick around and deal with my slowness, please know I WILL get to replies, even if it’s at glacial pace. I’ll post a shot of my tracker/a list up in the future so I can be 100% on what I owe and know you can always check in with me/hold me accountable for stuff. Please know you can ALWAYS drop stuff in my ask boxes, whether it’s memes or questions for muses or just crack. It always puts a smile on my face <3 if I received it I’ll reply to it, so barring just a few memes I have nothing else waiting!

This all being said I would LOVE to build up more long term/in-depth character relationships and sustained interactions over multiple threads. I love getting to know my rp partners beyond the muses – it’s just that right now it’ll take six times as long to get anywhere. My door’s open for any chats r.e. any muses here or on the multi.

If you need my disco handle just ask/reply here or whatever and I can send it; if you need to get in touch for any reason and can’t seem to get through to me, just send a ping to the bestie Benevolentgodloki c:

If you read all this and are ok with sticking around know that you have my undying love lmao; I know it isn’t easy trying to build anything with someone who only posts once in a blue moon so your patience is appreciated and I’ll always appreciate having people to come back to on here <33

[eggdue]

Deimos: dude? Sheriff, slumbed on the barstool: uuhhh?? Deimos: ok drunk enough, i have a challenge for you- Jebus: deimos no Deimos: shush gramps! Jebus: deimos last time you challenged him into doing something stupid while he's drunk ended up into a trip to the hospital Deimos: don't worry about it! It's not gonna be anything bad this time! Jebus: ok, but if you get chased by a angry cowboy equipped with a sandle yelling profanities in spanish it's your fault! Deimos: yeah yeah whatever, anyways, you up for the challenge lil guy? Sheriff:  uuhh huh! Deimos: *whispers into his ears* Sheriff: Sheriff: *gets up, moving towards hank* Jebus: Jebus: deimos what did you tell him- Deimos: don't worry about it it's gonna funny i promise! Jebus : oh no- ... Sheriff : hank- Hank: not not, I'm busy Sheriff: hhannkkk- Hank: sheriff not now- Sheriff: but Hank: later - Sheriff: *graps his bandana threads and pulls* Hank: OW WHAT THE- Sheriff: te exijo que me lleves a la cama~ Hank: take you in bed? What does- Hank: o h Sheriff: :) Hank: Hank: a i g h t ... *sees both sheriff and hank leaving* Jebus: so what's gonna happen now? Deimos: Deimos: to be fair i just asked him to slap hank in the face, not that Jebus: sooo?? Deimos: wait and see i guess

What happens next is up to u lol

Jeb and Deimos followed the two to HQ, the two sneaked around corners, rolled across the floor, and all that.

soon, Hank and Sheriff were in Hank's room, giggling came from the room.

Deimos had a straight face. "i really hope hank doesn't kill the guy..." Jebadiah turned to the techie. "if he doses, i will make you pay." Deimos shivered, but sighed. "whelp, nothing left to it but to do it" (if you get the reference, you're awesome)

Deimos opened the door, and what he saw, had him shocked. Jeb shook the techie. "what do you see? is there a dead body?" Deimos shook his head. "no... but, just- ga- ju-" Deimos let out a low growl. "just- take a look." he stepped aside and jeb peeked in..

"a... pillow fight?" he asked. yep, a pillow fight. and hank was winning. "they're having a pillow fight?" he replayed Deimos nodded. "pillow fight.."

"PILLOW FIGHT??!"

the two turned to see Tricky there in footie Pajamas. pillow in hand.

"uh, well- " Deimos tried to say, but the clown just rushed in. Jeb and Deimos froze, before they closed their ears.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

"IM THE KING! AHAHAH!"

"GOD FUCKING DAMNIT-"

the two winced. Deimos whined. "im sooo getting whooped tomorrow.."

(hope you enjoyed this!

tricky canonically wins, BTW ;]

And the reference was Dankpods, check him out on YouTube! he’s where i got the Deimos audiophile head cannon from.)

[neopuff]

I wanna know what happened to your boss who stole your identity... if you feel like sharing you should make posts about it

i cant believe i woke up to over 20,000 notes on that fweiougbwe;goew OK HERE im gonna do this like a reddit relationships thread:

players are: B (boss/thief 27F), C1 (coworker 59F), C2 (coworker 40sF), and me (24F). not a lot.

i worked with B and C1 at Claire’s for well over a year. they knew i had money and yeah i’d let them borrow money to help pay their rent/car payments/etc and C1 always paid me back within a month but B always was like “ill pay you back soon” which was like ok its fine dont stress just…we have an ongoing relationship so i foolishly doubted she was going to steal from me right in front of my face lol

then B quits Claire’s and starts working at Express, promises me a great job at Express to the point where i’ve applied and filled out paperwork (yknow with my drivers license and my SSN) but that job never happened cuz B quit working there. (this is when B opened her first credit card using my information, for Express! which is a crazy expensive clothing store.)

B gets a job at Sally Beauty and tells me i should come work there (this is in july). well, i’m in grad school and i wasn’t going to work for the month of August cuz of friends coming to visit but i was like sure ill work extremely part-time at a store for hair and makeup since i know literally nothing about hair and makeup. C1 was also asked to come work there since the Claire’s we all used to work at was shut down (bankruptcy lol)

things are going fine for a while, C2 is working at Sally’s now too (she’s B’s aunt and they live together.) in September my parents bought a new house 5 and a half hours away and they ask me to house-sit until they move in, so obviously im gonna do that, so i give my two weeks (i gave more like a month but w/e) and on the day before i leave B calls me and says the reason i havent been getting paid by direct deposit is because they never got my drivers license photo. i say thats weird, did they lose it? and she says they mustve so i send her a pic of my license. cuz obviously i wont be in town to pick up my check so i need direct deposit.

ok so fast forward to this monday, C1 calls me and it starts off normal like “hi how are you howve you been” and then shes suddenly like “i have something important to tell you.” and she says C2 saw mail at her and B’s house with my name on it! C2 was complaining about it at work and C1 was like “wtf?” and thought that was suspicious and told me about it. shes like “make a creditkarma account and you can see any credit cards under your SSN”

i go to make a creditkarma account and weirdly enough theres already one under my SSN! and the email is literally [B’s last name][B’s first name]@outlook.com. she wasnt even being subtle or smart. she really thought i’d just never look or wouldnt care???? i dont KNOW.

so obviously i call all the credit report places and im like freeze everything and put fraud alerts on everything!! and i blocked B’s phone number and i blocked her on facebook cuz even if she had an explanation i genuinely wouldnt care at this point

i went to another credit report site for the details and B not only took out a $5000 loan (she bought a new car recently so probably for that), but she opened 7 other credit cards and applied for 25 others. she started this the DAY i left! theyre mostly credit cards for banks but theres the express card, a target card, a disney card????????? also B put her actual phone number and address into the system so theres no doubt that its her.

and then C1 calls me again to tell me that B quit her job at Sally Beauty less than an hour ago and im wondering if she knew i knew or coincidence? since B steals from companies she usually only works at each one for a few months each

so ok, tuesday morning i call the police and then i have to call every single bank and credit union to cancel these stupid fucking cards. i was on the phone for 6 hours (wouldve been longer but i had my online class) just repeating the same info over and over again. and then the police call me back like “so we just spoke to B, she played dumb for a bit but then confessed to everything” and that was a HUGE relief except that i still have 12 more card applications to cancel. cop said “she didnt really have an explanation other than she’d fallen on hard times” and i just…….dont care especially when she quits every job shes store manager of after less than a year. and yea she has two kids and a bum husband and a supportive close family

and it’s now wednesday afternoon cuz i slept thru the morning but i have to call all these other places AND i’m gonna have to drive 5 and a half hours back to my hometown for court sometime in the next two weeks. plus i have to fill out like 30 affidavits for all these banks and credit unions and give them the police report so they know im not lying

also my credit score has gone down significantly because of that Express card she got in March (she’d been doing minimum payments allowed so i wouldnt get notified despite racking up $475 at this one ugly store)

in less than a month she opened $20,000 worth of credit and spent $8400 of it. and since she just QUIT her job i can assume she wasnt planning on paying off any of that debt lol

anyway that’s where i’m at now, i dont know if shes going to jail or what. she sure as hell cant pay any fines. PLUS she already owed me $450 and i was gonna cut her some slack on it but now i want my $450 back lmao

[takahashitakeda]

OOC://

i’d like u all to know that

a) my inbox/ask box/IMs/discord are all open all the time, even if i’m away or for whatevr reason unable to answer, i don’t mind (read: i love) talking to yall !! i am often not good at approaching first/holding up conversation bc a) sometimes i’m boring and b) i don’t wanna bother u but like...that doesn’t mean i don’t wanna talk !!! whether it be about plots or life or memes or, like, anything ?? 

b) i have been a liiittle under the weather, like, mentally, which may be partly due to the actual weather bc Headaches Galore and also some personal stuff that i don’t wanna bore yall with so like... replies will probably be spotty, especially in threads where our replies are long (?) i have a harder time reading than i do writing most days anyway so lately i’m like ?????????????? 

c) i know aside from owing replies i need to get more plots going esp w/certain people who i’ve talked about it to and haven’t done yet mostly because a) but also bc b) and me having very little brainpower, i kinda feel like i just don’t have ideas at all, my brain is a scattered mess and i don’t like putting it on my rp partners to just come up with everything bc idk rping is a (at least-) two person deal, takes two to tango, all that jazz so pls forgive me and i promise it’s not personal i’m just stupid LOL

[ofphcenixes]

BLUE & LIBBY - text thread 001

texts from 3:55pm to 7:01pm

blue

hey lib. (: havent talked today. just wanted to drop in and see if u were doin alright i have memes if u need them

libby

i mean, technically we did talk. i reminded you of the moment the world stood still: when valentine and you made contact (1) time. are you okay though? you seem a little, weird

blue

i maintain that valentine was an alien in a spider suit that wanted to destroy me but u know what I mean djdjdjd just chats between us. the gc has been a june holden fest lately lmao hope it works out for them tho anyways i am always weird in ur eyes djdjhd. but im fine. shit was crazy that night and we never really got to talk about what happenedand if u wanted to talk i just want u to kno im here ABOUT NADIA bc yeah kdjdjjd

libby

don't talk to me or my son ever again yeah, wow, okay so holden stayed over the night. i only know that because i saw his stuff in her room? i think she mentioned that like, it was a one time thing but i feel like... he might be coming over again which.. is Interesting oh. yeah, no i think i'm okay. i guess just in shock. june is very broken up over it, so i'm doing my best to be a good pal, and bring loads of ice cream and kisses. /: do you wanna talk? about nadia? i know that she like, meant something to you

blue

ok good luck getting me to stop talkin to u but as for valentine? bye Felecia! is that right. hmm well he doesn’t seem like much is goin on so maybe they were just,, hanging out. bringing a bag over is pretty damning tho. and if he does come over and u see him tell that bih he owes me $ bc he ate my fucking chorizo salad ): r u proud lib?? I ate a salad by choice well I would have if Holden wasn’t a lil birch bitch DONT CENSOR ME fuck. im sorry. ): i actually wanted to see june today tbh. but if u need anyone pls let me know alright? id skip practice if u needed me, lib WELL. i mean ok i was sorta close with her in middle school and she’s always been a friend and I just. I’m just fucking numb tbh. I really can’t believe it

libby

i'll have you know that valentine died shortly after my 18th birthday so ): idk idk, why would they hang out in her room if they were "hanging out"? like they have history. i feel like thats, a little too ... suspicious given the context. in a good way though. like i hope it works out theyre both so miserable without each other. oh my god!! look at you go! so proud of you, dude! ( even if you never got to it lmao ) no, no, it's okay. june needs all the support she can get, and i don't wanna impede. i'm really fine, i just sort of need to accept it and i guess reflect on how terrible it is. she was a really sweet person and fuck i really cant believe any of it i guess

blue

fuck what kdjdjdnd I thought valentine just yeeted shit that’s not a good way to put it fuck but. im sorry lib ): ok I take it back Valentine was alright. still scared the fuck out of me tho all i know is that if i loved someone as much as holden loves june, i wouldn’t let you go **THEM fuck Damn phone Typos Djdjhdi can’t believe u make me eat green stuff its truly CRUEL whomst? I only know nadia just didn’t fucking deserve any of this. shit even daisey didn’t. i just want to protect everyone and i don’t know HOW it goes without saying that im happy to be ur uber driver for the indefinite future

libby

no omg, i took good care of my boy. idk what happened, they can live up to like 15 years so i was pretty bummed tbh. i was a bad mom he appreciates your support from the grave though i mean, i guess. but not everyone you love is going to love you back, i think that's where holden's at. not everyone wants to be clung to, and june seems reluctant besides, you know all about that. holden, the love of your life, loves june. how sad it's good for you!!! i'm helping i ... feel so badly for both of them. i can't imagine how their families must be feeling, fuck. i hate this. i'm moving to spain ah, dude you don't have to do all that. you probably are busy with practice, and holden, and work. thank you tho

blue

im sure ur a great mother. ): but still valentine was lucky to have u. and im sure he misses u in his weird spider heaven web of flies and whatever it is spiders like idk ill dm peter parker and find out i mean... guess that’s true. I suppose I dont get to see how june feels most of the time. i just wish they’d talk about it and sort it out at least. they both deserve to be happy holden is the loml that is true aksjjsjd. holden has enough room for both me and june in his heart. so i mean technically i can love someone else too?? but enough about that lmfao you definitely are helping. even coach has noticed dkdjd. making me better without even trying u can’t move without me who’s gonna get me free popcorn ): you’re just as important as practise and holden to me, lib.

libby

god, i miss him. you think the girls would be mad if i bought another one? like, to keep in my room.  i know! they're both obviously still in love, you can tell. i can't wait for them to overcome this and get to be together. also, im grateful for the amount of sleep i'm able to get now that... the room next to mine is less loud welp, i hope you find someone who is willing to share you with holden lol oMG, REALLY? IDK WHY THAT MADE ME IRRATIONALLY HAPPY LOL. WE CAN GET SALAD LATER let's go, we'll go to spain and take on a new identity. we can live along the coast and work in a bakery or something. get a puppy don't show holden that text he might cry. but dsjflk thank you, you're very important to me too. kinda my best pal

blue

u would have to ask. but if you did get another what would u call it? thanksgiving? funnily enough valentine is only a few weeks away. a sign?? i mean fuck ive known holden for years and can confirm he is happiest when he’s with june. when she’s not roasting him at least lmfao. and if my MasterPlan works im afraid things will get bad again djdjdj. I can take one for the team and try to get them to come over here tho - u don’t need to deal with that shit i hope i do too tbh. and who would I want it to be u ask? that’s right. danny devito. LETS NOT GET TOO CRAZY IVE ALREADY HAD THREE VEGETABLES THIS WERK AND ITS ONLY TUESDAY. I think it’s popcorn time 8) bold of u to assume i know where Spain is dkdjdjdjdj well he’s gonna catch on soon enough we spend every day together at this point lol

libby

i was gonna name this one patrick, after st patricks day actually lol. yes you know what's also approaching that is more important? your birthday! i know, it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that out. he's v much a relationship kinda dude, actually bc he's also kinda slutty lol. but even june is sad and its just, SO HARD. i hate when people are clearly, happiest together are like, nO IM GOING TO PROLONG THE MISERY. i feel like we're in a rom-com. how do we get them back together? i'll let him know. my v-day gift from me to you oooo, should i get the skittles ready too then? popcorn is kinda of a veggie if you think abt it omg, okay well now you can't come with me. offer rescinded. im going with the hot cop lslsfkjdjkldfs i mean its not like we're doing anything weird, so its okay, right?

blue

ur so cute wtf. although if u did do this i hope u know im calling him patrick star. also how the fuck do u tell if its a female or a male spider theyre so small and gross. fuck it is too lol. i dont have any money so im gonna let ppl down on the party front lmao. ud still come tho, right? how can he be both slutty and relationshippy. like not to be weird bc i know hes ur cousin and all dkfjgg but he doesnt.. have people over anymore. unless hes someone learned not to stomp around the house WHICH I DONT BELIEVE. and ha hA im already on plan 384 to get them back together get on my level lmao.  we just gotta force them to spend time together tbh. does that mean i have to give u the hot cop for valentines bc i mean. i would if that's what u wanted but im sure u can do much better than him OH FUCK UR RIGHT OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN A LIE TO CONVERT ME TO VEGGIES HASNT IT r u breaking up with me? well fine, ill take the dog ): it's... it's not weird unless we make it weird. and we haven't. have we?

libby

fdsjfjdsl shhhhh, back at you. Patrick Star will be his full name, i promise you this much. as for gender idfk, i am honestly assuming its pronouns lol. i'd be sued by the LGBT community if they knew. also dude, of course. i'll make you cupcakes. plus i know what i wanna buy you! i�� can't wait dude what? really?? i thought he was seeing people this whole time, holy shit. dude he's really messed up over this huh? wow, okay, we need to kick this into high gear and have them get back together. tell me your plans. omg, no you clown. i don't even like him that much, he's just pretty. i do like... some personality and he has 0 GOD MY PLAN HAS BEEN FOILED. I CANT BELIEVE IT like i'd ever let you take the dog. she's mine sdfjlkdsfjlk iDK DUDE. I MAY HAVE MADE IT WEIRD BUT WE'RE BAD AT TALKING ABT STUFF, SO WE DONT HAVE TO LOL.

blue

do spiders even have gender i thought they were just the minions of evil lmfao lib u rly dont have to get me anything, really. altho now im curious tbh. but get ready for me to get a lit gift in june >:) ill even wrap it myself which says a lot bc i cant wrap for shit but i want it to be personal lmao not many that im aware of atm. will give u info is this changes. huh we r spies lib. >:) but i dont have any current plans except trying to force them to go in a photo booth together or something when we eventually go to the arcade djsjdh omg how did u know. but idk everyone speaks about him like hes gOD he’s just a dude. eyebrows on fleek tho I will say that IM SO HURT UD USE ME LIKE THIS LIB. ALL THIS TIME WE WERE GETTING CLOSE AND U WERE ONLY HERE FOR THE VEGGIES so u get Spain AND the dog. what do I get, sadness ???? you haven’t made it weird lib, i promise. not to me, anyway. maybe we both wanted the same thing. maybe. oR MAYBE NOT LMFAO but yeah we can talk about whatever lol

libby

don't talk about nate like that omg! i want to, plus its a surprise so no asking what it is. also wow i cant believe you remember my birthday, lol. you dont have to get me anything. you can buy me an ice cream though oh my gOD THAT'S BRILLIANT! aw, what if they take one of those cute kiss pictures in the photobooth like in the movies? i can't wait for them to love each other again, they're so cute. are you jealous that no one is talking about your eyebrows? you have nice eyebrows and nothing to be jealous abt GOD, IM SO SORRY. ROY HIRED ME. HE WAS WORRIED ABT YOUR HEALTH. IM SORRY YOU HAD TO FIND OUT THIS WAY. I THOUGHT YOU NEVER WOULD /: you get the memory of what we were to keep you warm right, cool. noted

blue

why do u talk about the string bean all the time i know u grew up with him but seriously he's like a pale pipe cleaner that i dont need in my life ofc i remeber ur birthday lib. dont u remember ur 10th?? probably the best day of my life lmao. and if u get me something i get u something thats how this works as long as june doesnt say anything mean and holden say anything stupid, its a pretty solid plan tbh. im not jealous HOW DARE ROY PLAY ME LIKE THIS. cant believe u betrayed me lib, after all we've been through ;-; but what if i want something to sell off now that u took the house oh fuck lib i didn't mean it like that. just... pretend i said nothing ok and. yeah talk about something else

libby

hey sorry, i gotta go. talk tomorrow.

blue

oh is everything ok? but alright talk tomorrow then i guess bye lib

libby

night

blue

its 6pm lib but okay night

blue

lib if i did something u dont have to tell me but pls know i didnt mean it, whatever it was. i hope youre okay. but i wont bother u again i promise. just. yeah

libby

it's okay, dude. i'm fine. it's honestly my own fault, it's not you. you're always great. i'm sorry. it's fine

blue

i dont understand what ur talking about but i can tell u dont want to so ill just... leave this. but you're always great too lib. the greatest, in fact. just let me know if ur still coming to the arcade later or not yeah

libby

i guess i'll go. i like pacman.

blue

if u... if u change ur mind i understand. but i really hope u can make it.

[semi-imaginary-place]

so i tried watching the gay skatingboarding anime. so far the skating’s been a thin excuse for anime bullshit like kuroko no basuke levels of anime superpowers. the difference between people’s public/professional lives is pretty funny though. also want to point out how artificial the rough inner city street aesthetic is. Like some one with big money set all this this up to give the skaters the illusion that they’re rebels acting outside the system when in reality they’re more like hamsters running around a playpen designed for them. Like the graffiti isn’t there because independent artists put it there or because there’s a gang war going on, no its there solely for aesthics, window dressings for an empty interior.

magic snowboarding powers lol

please wear some protective gear. pleeeeaaassse like a helmet at least.

aww its the lonely kid genius. why am i still watching this show its so stupid.

oh i also could talk about how there’s no female characters. like all the women shown are framed in relations to men ex: groupies, or as that one dude’s girlfriend, etc.

are miya’s parent’s ok with him staying out this late? I know japan’s one of the safest places in the world but still.

DONT LITTER CIGARETTE BUTTS THAT NICOTINE GETS INTO THE WATER AND POISONS EVERYTHING

and this is why you need to wear protective gear kids. don’t end up in the hospital because you wanted style points like this idiot.

wow they really made the main antagonist as gay as possible. its good that he’s asking consent about everything i guess. this dude has theater instead of blood in his veins. im gonna ignore the general creepiness towards langa

AAAHAHAHAHAHHA

damn first female character and she’s cool. good job. down with corruption!

ok yeah i was wondering this earlier but when a snowboarder gabs with one hand they’re pulling against their feet which are locked down, what is keeping langa’s board on his feet when he does that?

oh ow that actually hurt. damn. words hurt reki, you’d better apologize later. dont weaponize a promise made out of care like that

i mean its not going to happen for thematic and character arc reasons but wouldn’t it be a wild pivot if this all was an isekai setup?

this is the most anime thing ive watched in years. if you can suspend disbelief on the magic skateboarding and and general anime nonsense it truly has some solid emotional beats

mid way through when the tournament arc got announced i thought about ow it might end. like the primary plot line was reki and langa reconciling and the subplots were the corruption investigation, cherry and joe confronting adam, and snake trying to get adam to quit skating. i was thinking there was a good chance that langa drops out to chase after reki. like langa is hella competitive but if reki sneaked in to watch but then ran away there’s a good chance langa would chase him. I thought there was a possibility that snake and adam would skate together as that would resolve their plot thread. i did not expect reki to get dragged in as a substitute though i really like how it was done. reki from the start has been really interested in designing skateboards. like he’s a carpenter, a graphic designer, an illustrator, a mechanic, what can’t he do?? and i liked how those skills and knowledge are why reki won.

outside of the personal drama. return to normal as sequel bait. mixed feeljngs. adam arrest, closure of S. cowards but also there is room for more. like adam is stuck in the same bullshit. imagine if he actually faced consequences for his actions. i admittedly don’t know much about the japanese legal system.

[samyourrawreckk]

Valentines day 2015

As Charles Bukowski would say, “If there is light, it will find you” What Bukowski failed to mention was the amount of patience, effort, bullshit, and darkness you’d have to endure before your light finally found you. My light dated a few psycho girls and then convinced himself he was asexual. (Talk about bullshit and patience. ) However, once the warm and vibrant yellow lit up my days, my previous darkness wasn’t my obstacle. My efforts to keep my luminous fiery and hearty would be my only endeavor and oh boy.. How hard it was, not to mention unpredictable. Every now and then a massive wind would grant a moment or two of passion to save my fire and I secured it every time. No matter how many breezes attempt to steal my light, he found me and I will endure any wind, cold, or ice to secure his shine.

In my earliest moments, my darkness was created by acts of betrayal and being taken advantage of. Before I had even hit puberty, I knew what suicidal thoughts were and the hopes to die in your sleep was. With each unfortunate granted morning, the darkness only worsened. I went to school in hopes to secure a blanket, a sense of comfort and for seven straight years, I never did. All I longed for was acknowledgement and a sense of home. I wanted to escape the men who made me resent who I was. It’s stupid to most people, but these acts of ache dictated the majority of my childhood. I was deprived nurturing and guidance. I literally had myself and that was it.

Besides my lack of nurturing, I resented my body. It was not this golden treasure and I didn’t treat it as if it were a temple. Speaking of a temple, my house was nothing more than a room with three beds in it and 6 people. I had never felt more alone. I resented this room, I resented when my punishment included my bedroom. My self respect was dwindling by a single thread and after month 5, self had waged its final war. Too many moments were spent in silence looking around for security, a blanket, a light. Hell was the babysitter I was forced to see everyday, hell was the textbooks I had hit in me in the head everyday, hell was watching your father take a box cutter to his wrists, and hell was my life. The body I walked in belonged to someone else, and it was so hard to look in the mirror and give two shits about any inch I had to offer. I was 10 when I had to hide my first hickey, and when I tried to seek guidance or light I was turned away and was called a whore and slut. I still remember the look on my face when the girls rummaged through my bags and read my letters and shunned me for the majority of my teen years. From that point on, I was convinced if I couldn’t find my light I would seek fire instead... and torch everything.

Besides the awful home life, the girls at school didn’t make the pain any more tolerable. I didn’t make it obvious how badly I was aching, I lost  my virginity and closed my eyes and cried during the whole thing. I never told anyone that, I never told anyone that the only reason I laid down was for that split second of affection and it seldom even happened. My body wasn’t mine anyways, and the entire student body already thought I was a slut. You try being the girl who lost her virginity first.

During my last year of middle school, I was fighting eating habits, a single meal a day and then I’d do everything to eliminate those few calories. However during this time I met a boy, he wasn’t my light. He didn’t eliminate my darkness but he made it tolerable. On a side note, I’m very thankful for him. He led me to my ultimate haven and sense of security. With this boy, my body wasn’t anything special, I was just a placeholder, and even though it ended horribly, where would I be now if it wasn’t for him?

It’s crazy how when I met my radiant light I didn’t even know it at first. He thought my eyes were too far apart and I thought he was a bad influence on my boyfriend. I am laughing to my self thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve found the one thing that brought so much light into something so dark. And now I’m celebrating a third valentines day with him :)

You, Darin, have no idea how thankful I am for you. When we were kids I never in a million years thought you’d be the one to eliminate the hell, the darkness, the black in my life and embrace who I truly am. Little, by little, you make up for all the awful nights I spent alone in my childhood and show me the potential I truly have to turn the old days into something better. The day we got together, a solar eclipse occurred, not just literally, but you orbited my darkness and we danced. Some people tell me how stupid I am for fighting for this for soo long. But nobody has any idea the effect you’ve had on me. You motivate me, you challenge me, you put me in my place, and you’re by far the greatest friend I will ever have. Theres been a few times where I got sick of securing you, my light but I know I’d be lost finding you if I ever did. It’s strange how when we broke up I endured a similar event that happened to me when I was 10. Coincidentally, the night before I asked jesus for a sign to fight for you, and he gave me a taste of the life I had before you, and since that moment I promise you babe, nomatter how sick of me you get, I am permament. With you, I have meaning. I’m not just a body, it’s treasured, I am treasured and now Im crying. I know you don’t think you’re that great, even though you’re kinda arrogant lol. You may not know a whole lot about love or know how to express it that well, but know this, you will have someone to secure your warmth and radiancy at any given moment. You have shown me what being respected and treasured is like. You may have fucked up a lot prior. But that doesn’t matter anymore. Like you said, we’re strong and we have gone through much worse. I forgave you, I got a lot of bullshit for that but like I said before, securing your light is full of bullshit and tears. But it has been so worth it. You’re my ticket to happiness I’ve never even known, and with you, I see a future that I never would have seen otherwise. You broadened my sight, you’ve taught me to take risks, to embrace who I truly am and I love you  so much. This will never be a walk in the park, but I owe so much to you, you didn’t save my life, but you were the north star that guided me home. You eliminated my darkness and  In  time, I pray that before I am off of this planet I have shown you everything I possibly could to express how much better you have made my life. You are my radiancy and vibrant fire and you lit up my darkest places, so in exchange I will endure anything if it means keeping you warm. I love you so madly, Darin Grullon. Happy Valentines Day and heres to many more days and hopefully more sunlit years.