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mishasminions · 4 years ago

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The Last Time I’ll Write a Long Post About Supernatural (15x18-15x20)

15 YEARS OF WATCHING THIS SHOW. 11 YEARS OF RUNNING A BLOG ABOUT IT. IT’S BEEN QUITE A RIDE.

[15x20 Speculation + evidence at the bottom]

First off, I just wanna come clean and say, after all these years, I still think they should’ve ended at Season 5.

If you’re going to come at me with “Then why’d you stick around to watch it if you didn’t like it?”, your question is immature, and the answer is simple: I just want to know what happens next (I also love the main characters and their actors too). You can watch a show and still think it’s shit.

Call me a clown, but despite all the disappointment and trust issues that this show has given me, I would still look forward to the day where it might just turn itself around and bring back the quality it once had, or realize the potential of each story it was trying to tell, or at the very least, do justice by my favorite ship.

Never happened.

They’ve had a few good episodes here and there. I can’t imagine the SPN Universe without The Man Who Would Be King, The French Mistake, and Scoobynatural. Seasons 6-10 were enjoyable at times. I blocked out most of 7 & 11-15.

If you’ve been following this blog since its heydays in 2010-2014, you’d know I’d try my best to defend Destiel and this show’s decisions regarding it no matter what.

Because you know what, as a CONCEPT, this show is good. If you take a look at all the worlds its storylines have birthed in fanfiction/fanworks, you’d see how much Supernatural has wasted its own story arcs. The writing got shittier as each season progressed, and they’ve obviously given up in production as well because the quality in the execution has noticeably gone down too, but if you take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture, you’ll see that this show still tries to make sense of itself.

[If you’re still following this post, please bear with me, I know this is long, but I just want you to understand how jaded and pessimistic I am with regards to this show, so maybe you can buy into whatever hopeful thing I’m about to say later on.]

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT DESTIEL

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that they would give us Castiel’s “I love you” speech. To the point where, if I weren’t so desperate for it, I would argue that it was completely out of character for him to word vomit the way he did (but I’m not gonna diss on that right now because I’ll take what I can get).

I’ve valued every meaningful and obscure exchange that Dean and Cas have had in the earlier seasons, and I was willing to accept their relationship as just that--undefined, without any clear boundaries as to what they really are. And I think that was beautiful on its own.

But now, they’ve chosen to define it.

After they’ve driven every possible wedge between Dean and Castiel in seasons 11-15, to try to explain away their feelings as something they offer to a collective.

Dean can’t mourn and pray for JUST Cas, he has to mourn and pray for EVERYBODY--even Crowley, even some chick he just met, because god forbid he cries about just the guy who has given up everything for him--that would be “too homo”.

They’ve even set Cas on a path to abrupt fatherhood just so he can care about something other than Dean. Make it seem as if Dean wasn’t his purpose through and through.

And after all these years of this stupid show trying to deny it, they choose to acknowledge it at the worst possible circumstance, at a time where they’ve been so far apart, that it seems so foreign for them to suddenly come together.

But here we are. And they’ve chosen to tell us.

Chosen to tell us that everything that Castiel has done leading up to his death, he has done it because he was IN LOVE WITH DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that the ONE THING THAT WOULD MAKE CAS HAPPY IS DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that BEING WITH DEAN WINCHESTER is something that CAS WANTS BUT KNOWS HE CAN’T HAVE.

And they’ve also chosen to tell us nothing about how Dean feels.

Sure, finding out your angel made a deal, the stipulations of said deal, his newfound happiness philosophy, his long-winded monologue of why he loves you and why you’re worthy of his love, and to top it all off he tells you that being in love with you is enough to make him happy while he subtly hints that he’s always wanted to be WITH you romantically, was a lot to process in the 5 minutes after you’ve just had an existential crisis.

It’s whatever, right? Let’s culminate 11 years worth of tension and feelings in 5 minutes. Let’s waste the entire episode with cringey expository dialogue, and irrelevant sequences. The whole season was a waste anyway.

You know what Supernatural? FUCK YOU FOR THAT. They deserved better. WE deserve better.

And I would love nothing more than to hurl every possible insult your way,

But for the last time, I’m going to HOPE that you’re finally going to try to make it better for the fans that stuck by you all these years.

No more baiting new viewers, no more placating casual viewers, no more excuses. 15 years. Bring it home for the people who have actually been around.

SO HERE’S HOW I THINK 15x20 IS GONNA GO

There’s two ways this series is gonna end. Horribly or Spectacularly.

First let’s all take into consideration what Andrew Dabb says about it:

So, let’s start with

ENDING HORRIBLY

In this scenario, Misha is telling the truth about his last day of filming being 15x18. His “camping trip” during the last few days of filming 15x20, was actually a camping trip. He doesn’t go to Vancouver to shoot.

Jensen wasn’t “being careful” during the zoom interviews that it was just him and Jared quarantining for the shoot, it really was just him and Jared (althought most of these were done pre 15x19) Supernatural isn’t smart enough to do misleading PR, and they’re once again oblivious to the potential of their own story.

Misha hasn’t posted a “Goodbye Castiel” tweet because he’s probably saving it for last episode or he forgot because it was overshadowed by the Destiel trend that night.

So what we get is:

Sam and Dean are on the road again, up against the monster of the week. Only their world no longer has actual Supernatural beings anymore, so the monsters they’re fighting are humans.

Humans end up killing the Winchesters (despite having gone up against literally every powerful being imaginable INCLUDING God himself). Dean and Sam end up in heaven and relive their greatest hits.

Meanwhile, Castiel rots in The Empty because he died after realizing that he was happy and gay. Jack doesn’t bother rescuing him—his surrogate dad, the guy who made this specific deal to spare him—even though it was so easy for him get Cas in and out of The Empty when he had a fraction of the power that he has now.

Dean never speaks of Castiel’s confession because despite all the hints of a profound bond in the earlier seasons, and the fact that Dean has never cared for anyone (who isn’t his actual brother) as immensely as he does Cas, Supernatural just can’t have its main macho character be “suddenly bisexual” because that would hurt the male ego or some shit.

His heaven would probably be living happily ever after with his family. “Family” meaning Mary and John Winchester--two of the shittiest parents ever (but they’re not going to include them in this episode like they were supposed to because of Covid) and Sam.

Sam also gets a dog. As usual.

I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to do this. After everything they’ve pulled, this would be right up their alley. I actually expect this ending.

Anyway, onto the next possible ending

ENDING SPECTACULARLY

In this scenario, Supernatural tries to stick the landing, and Jensen’s whole “It didn’t sit well with me at first, but then I took a step back after talking to Kripke, and realized that I had to view it from an audience perspective, I am now really excited about it” (DC Con 2019) anecdote about his thoughts on the final episodes, were actually about Dean potentially ending up with Cas. (Which would totally make sense because Jensen at first didn’t see Dean as anything but hetero, but as of late, he has been throwing in Destiel jokes of his own, so he seems to have warmed up to the idea)

Backed with Misha’s tidbit (DLConline 2020) that he and Jensen had conversations about Destiel, and that they wouldn’t have gone through with it if Jensen wasn’t onboard with it, but Jensen didn’t push back at all. (Why would they need to check with Jensen if it was just Cas going all in?)

Robert Berens (writer of 15x18) also wrote the script at the beginning of Season 15, but made Misha privy to the concept a year prior (Season 14), so they went into this season knowing about Destiel going canon.

This one’s a reach, but this scenario also supposes that Misha was lying about his whereabouts during the filming of the final episode, and him saying that 15x18 was his last episode is part of the diversion to avoid taking away from the weight of Castiel’s death.

And that Supernatural is actually self-aware of its own material (similar to how they have wrapped things up in the past—lots of expository dialogue, poor execution, but fulfills the story arc)

Since Season 15 is basically a Meta Season (Chuck/God as a writer, pretentiously calling out how he created the worlds, its characters, and basically invalidating the past 14 seasons), and 15x19 is supposedly the finale for Season 15, written by two of the worst Supernatural writers, Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross-Leming (Bob Singer’s wife), then we can assume that 15x19 is where the shitty writers kill themselves--as Chuck, of course.

So we get a badly written episode that produces a bad ending, or as Becky put it, “All action, and no Cas”

So we get the bad writers season ending at 15x19.

And 15x20 is where Sam and Dean write their own stories, and where the cast had a hand in pitching ideas for it.

Dabb has mentioned that 15x20 (Act Two) is a SERIES finale, where they try to resolve the characters’ journeys.

Because as everyone has acknowledged, Supernatural isn’t about the story, it’s about the characters.

So here’s what we can get out of it:

With no more Supernatural beings left to fight, Sam and Dean are in a stalemate. They’ve resigned themselves to fighting to the bitter end, but the “end” has passed, and they’re still standing.

So they try to figure out who they are now, and what they want out of the life they still have.

Sam still wants a normal apple pie life. Before Dean dragged him out of college to go hunting with him, he had a whole life planned out for him. Become a lawyer, settle down with a nice girl, and get a dog. He gave all that up because they had work to do, but now the work is finished, he can finally go back to wanting that for himself again.

Dean finally realizes his self-worth after Cas saves him again. His prayer to Cas in purgatory may have helped him come to terms with his anger, but the whole “you’ve done everything you did for love” speech finally put him in his place, and he learns not to hate himself anymore.

But of course, he cannot fully reconcile with himself if he doesn’t get Cas back, and tell him how he feels.

Because Dean actually wants something for himself this time. Something he knows he can finally have if he can just salvage it.

So maybe this time around, with the help of Jack (off-screen), Dean saves Cas. Grips him tight and raises him from perdition.

They bypass The Empty deal by turning Cas human, and he lives the rest of his days with Dean.

Dean and Cas know they deserve to be saved, and they know that they deserve to be happy.

(Wishful thinking, maybe they kiss a little)

Anyway...

I’m just saying, there’s NO WAY that they’d have Cas go through that whole rushed speech, if they weren’t going to do anything about it later on.

But again, after 10 years of disappointment, I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to pat themselves on the back and say, “Okay, we sort of gave them what they wanted. We’re good now”

If that’s the case, Supernatural, I’m sorry I wasted my time on you.

Here’s to hoping 🤡

#THE LAST TIME I'LL CLOWN FOR THIS SHOW #SUPERNATURAL #DESTIEL #15x20 #15x19 #15x18 #UNTAGGED #INSIGHTFUL INSIGHTS

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skiller0dani · 4 years ago

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Intoxicated | Klaus Hargreeves

M A S T E R L I S T TUA Masterlist

smut | teen!klaus x teen!reader requests info w.c | 8.9k summary | you fell in love with klaus when you were teenagers. but after he continues to relapse, you lose faith that he will get clean. when you see him again as an adult, has anything changed?

The first time you properly met Klaus you were both around 17, and he was slumped against the wall of an alleyway. His face was bare of facial hair, and he looked far too boyish for a needle to be still in his arm. You were only out looking for him as a favor to Allison, whom you’d known since you were both children. You never paid much attention to Klaus, or any of her other siblings but after hours of incessant begging you’d finally agreed to go look for him. You still remembered her frantic voice over the phone.

“Please? If my Dad notices Klaus is gone he’ll lock him up in the Mausoleum to dry him out.”

You might not care much for Klaus or his drug habit, but you couldn’t just let Mr. Hargreeves lock him up so that ghosts can torment him while he sobers up. You know Allison is just protecting him, but you can tell even she is starting to lose faith in Klaus. It’s honestly sort of heartbreaking. But hopefully if you get him back in time, maybe you can get him sober enough to fool Mr. Hargreeves into thinking Klaus finally cleaned up.

“Klaus!” You rush to him immediately, carefully pulling the needle out of his arm. You tuck it into your bag so that Grace can help you and Allison figure out what Klaus took. You trust that Grace wont tell Mr. Hargreeves, the only thing more powerful than the programming is her desire to protect her children. His eyes are barely open when he smiles at you, his pupils blown wide open. You brush his hair out of his face, his palm twitching in yours as you take his hand to pull him to stand.

“Can you stand?” You ask him, watching as his arm limply falls from your hand.

“You’re not really here, you’ve never even looked at me twice…” Klaus mumbles through a slack jaw. That’s when his eyes roll back.

“Klaus?” You gently slap his cheeks, trying to get his attention. You sigh deeply, worried when you see his eyes roll again behind closed eyelids. Is he seizing? His body jerks once before sliding further down the wall. You know you can’t leave him here, but you also know that you need Luther to come get Klaus, you can’t move him.

“Please don’t move, I’ll be right back.” You say hurriedly, cupping his cheeks to force him to look at you. Klaus grunts in what you can only hope is an acknowledgement that he heard you before you’re standing and sprinting for the Academy. By the time you’d reached your destination and had delivered your convincing argument to Luther, it’d been 45 minutes. You lead the way back to Klaus praying to God that he was exactly where you’d left him, but you doubt it. Sure enough, when you turned the corner into the alley, Klaus was nowhere to be seen.

“Shit!” You cursed, a panicked glint in your eyes as you helplessly turned to Luther.

“Please help me find him.” You plead, grasping desperately onto his arm. Luther has what you can only describe as a scowl on his face as he turns to you.

“I’m not doing this again.” He snapped.

“What do you mean?”

“Getting invested in Klaus’s recovery, I’m not doing it again. Letting myself believe that he could get clean only leads to more disappointment when he eventually uses again.” You can see layers of old scars in his eyes, reflections of all the times Klaus has relapsed and let his siblings down.

“Luther I get it, really I do. But right now Klaus is God knows where, and when Reginald realizes-” The mention of his father causes Luther to stiffen considerably. Deep down Luther knows that Klaus wouldn’t have substance abuse issues if he didn’t spend half his childhood locked in that damn Mausoleum being tormented by the dead.

“Let’s just find him quickly.” You nearly celebrate when Luther finally relents but you don’t, instead you immediately start searching the surrounding streets and alleys in search of your resident junkie. You doubt Klaus could go very far, he’d been in really bad shape when you saw him last. He could hardly sit up let alone walk, did he crawl?

“Found him!” You hear Luther call, and when you turn you see Luther standing with Klaus slung over his shoulder at the end of the alleyway. Klaus has the hint of a smile on his face as Luther hauls him back, and you’d almost say Klaus looks entertained. Although, it could be the hallucinations making him smile like that. By the time you’d arrived back at the Academy, the mysterious needle you’d taken from Klaus’s arm earlier had been thoroughly tested by Grace.

“It’s heroin.” Allison’s shaky voice came from the doorway of Klaus’s bedroom. You turned to look at her, watching as nothing but anger fills her eyes.

“He promised me that he’d never done any hard drugs, he promised it was just weed and painkillers! And he’s injecting heroin?” You can tell that she really is hurt, you can see the betrayal in her eyes before she’s turning out of his room.

“Allison-”

“No, I won’t watch him slowly kill himself. In 2 weeks when we finally turn 18 he’ll be gone anyway. Don’t forget to invite me to his funeral.” She snaps, wiping her eyes before slamming his door shut. It was then that you’d decided not to give up on him, because the second everyone lost faith in him was the second they signed his death certificate. Loving an addict is harder than you would think, but you were willing to be Klaus’s person, so long as he was dedicated to getting better. If Klaus gives up on himself, then there’s no point. So you sat on the edge of his bed and used a rag to wipe away dried vomit on his face and neck, plus you dabbed at a closing gash on his head which was still bleeding a little.

“Y/N?” You hear him mumble, and when you look up at him again you see his eyes have cracked open. You brush his hair off his forehead, and the look in his eyes has your entire body heating up. It’s not a particularly provocative look, more of a hungry curiosity. There was still gentleness there, and a sincerity beneath it all. All his siblings have given up on him at this point, and deep down you think Klaus knows that. They’ve reached the point that the next time Klaus goes missing, they won’t look for him or even worse- they won’t even realize he’s gone. The thought breaks your heart.

“Hi.” You can’t think of anything else to say. Klaus reaches one hand up to wind into your hair, a sly smile crossing onto his face.

“Can’t say I remember the last time we properly spent quality time together.” He raises one brow, his hazel eyes twinkling mischievously.

“That’s because we never have.”

“What a shame.” The smug smile on his face makes your cheeks heat up embarrassingly. You feel all mushy in his presence.

“You have to get clean before Reginald gets home tomorrow.”

“Oh wouldn’t want to disappoint daddy dearest.” You can practically taste the sarcasm in his tone, but still he keeps that damn smile stretched across his face.

“He’ll lock you away if he finds out, stop pretending like this isn’t a big deal.” You sigh, standing to find him clean clothes. Klaus pushes himself onto his elbows, his head is swimming. The nausea twisting his gut is hard to ignore, but watching you bend over in those tight jeans has him ignoring the discomfort. He wouldn’t miss the show for anything.

“Enjoying yourself?” You ask him once you notice him staring. You use snarky comments to hide how flushed you are, how flustered you are from the heat in his gaze.

“Enjoying the view.” Is all Klaus says, and you know he can see how red your cheeks are. You shake your head as you toss clean clothes at him, quickly diverting your eyes when he begins to undress with you still in the room.

“Jesus, warn me next time!” You squeak as you turn your eyes to the ground when he tosses his dirty pair of tight jeans at you along with his shirt. You hear the zipper of his tight black jeans pull up and that’s when you decide it’s safe to look. When you eye him again, he’s sitting up on the bed pulling his shirt on over his head.

“What’s the fun in that?” Despite his snarky comebacks and the smirk on his face, you can tell he doesn’t feel good at all. There are bags under his eyes and he winces every time he moves. You place a hand on his shoulder when he tries to stand, a look he can’t quite read on your face.

“I’m gonna make you something to eat, please don’t go anywhere.” The genuine fear in your eyes as you look down at him has Klaus rooted to the bed. Suddenly a fear of letting you down cripples him then, and he can only manage a nod before you’re leaving the room.

The first time you saw Klaus overdosing you had come home from work early. It was a few months since you and Luther found him in that alleyway, and he’d made no attempts to clean up. Of course you thought he was clean and attending meetings. Klaus knew you’d be heartbroken if you knew the truth, and he was borderline worried you’d kick him out if you knew he spent most of the day high. If he knew that you’d fallen head over heels for him, he wouldn’t be worried about being kicked out. Klaus was clean the first week he moved in with you, but then came the ghosts. Their voices echoing in his head, their bloodied and battered bodies plaguing his every waking moment. He had clamped his hands over his ears to try and block them out, and he actually endured the tortuous voices for 17 hours before he gave in and popped some oxy.

“Klaus I’m back-'' Before you could finish whatever you were saying you spotted him lying unconscious on the living room floor. You dropped a glass platter and everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. You immediately scrambled towards him as the glass shattered everywhere. Your hands cupped his cheeks as tears filled your eyes, and you could not stop shaking.

“K-Klaus?” You gasped, shaking his shoulders to no avail. His body was practically lifeless, and his skin was almost gray and colorless. You lifted his wrist to check his pulse, and nearly burst into tears of relief when you felt a pulse but it was fading fast.

“Damnit Klaus!” You sobbed to yourself, leaning down to see if he was breathing. You held your breath, and prayed you would hear his faint breath. When you didn’t, it felt like you had been plunged into cold water. The panic struck you deep in your chest and you quickly sat up to perform CPR. You tilted his head back as the tears flowed down your cheeks, and you quickly started compressions. You reached into your pocket to press the stupid little life alert button you’d purchased when Klaus moved in. In moments like this you knew you needed a quick way to call an ambulance. You listened for his breathing once more, and cried softly when you still didn’t hear any breathing.

“Klaus please, please.” You didn’t know what you were pleading for, but you were so desperate for him to be okay that you couldn’t think straight. You continued compressions and then breathing into his mouth for 10 minutes before the emergency services arrived. They nearly had to pry you off him before shoving a breathing tube down his throat, and injecting him with something in a syringe. You’d climbed into the ambulance next to Klaus, his hand held tightly in yours. He looked lifeless in the hospital room, his eyes were closed and there were tubes sticking out of him. The steady beeping from the monitor was your only clue that his heart was still beating. You called his siblings, but after 5 hours you figured they weren’t going to come, you doubt they’d even listen to the message. Underneath the fear there’s anger, so much anger. How could he do this to you? He lied to you. He said he was clean! Did he ever attend a meeting or was that just a lie to go get more weed and pills?

“Hey you.” You hear his raspy voice from beside you. Once he started breathing on his own again they replaced the breathing tube for oxygen in his nose. The doctors said they would need to keep him here until he completely detoxed. There are tears welling in your eyes and you refuse to meet his eyes, you’re upset and he knows that.

“Baby I’m sorry.” Klaus tries, his hand reaching out for yours. You keep your arms folded as a tear finally falls down your cheek. Klaus hates seeing you cry and he hates even more that he is the reason you’re crying. You weren’t entirely surprised to hear him call you baby, you and Klaus have gotten close during the time he’s been living with you.

“Please look at me.” Klaus begs, a break in his voice that lets you know he has tears in his eyes. You lifted your gaze to meet his, and you see how sick he looks. His skin is gray, his eyes are sunken in and they have bags under them.

“How could you? You lied to me.” Your voice is soft, broken. This is the first time Klaus has truly let you down and you can’t help but wonder if this is how his siblings have felt every time he’s let them down. You see guilt flash in his eyes, the look in your eyes is worse than any other look Klaus has received from his brothers and sisters.

“What if I didn’t get off work early? Then you’d be dead Klaus!” You sobbed, tears wracking your body.

“Baby I swear when I get out I’ll get it together. I-I’ll clean up I promise.” A stray tear falls down his cheek and Klaus quickly reaches up to wipe it away. His hands are trembling when they reach for yours again but you still don’t budge.

“No Klaus, you’re going into fucking rehab. I can’t live with the constant fear of coming home and finding you dead. I love you too much to lose you.” The last part slips out by accident, but you can’t take it back. Klaus’s eyes widen as another tear trails down his cheek, and this time he doesn’t wipe it away.

“You love me?” How could he not know? You laugh bitterly as tears continue to cascade down your cheeks.

“Yes I do, and if you give even half a damn about me you’ll check into rehab.” You beg, your watery eyes finding his. Klaus lays his head back, his own teary eyes looking up to the ceiling before they close and he takes a deep breath.

“I love you so fucking much, so I’ll do it. For you.” Klaus finally whispers, reaching for you one last time and this time, you take his hand.

“Please tell me you’re going to take this seriously. Please? I-I can’t lose you.” You beg a few days later once Klaus was finally cleared to leave the hospital, but he would be going right to rehab. The doctors had him sign a document agreeing to be taken straight to an intensive rehab program as soon as he was released from the hospital. Klaus in all honesty was a tad bit put off by the idea of going into rehab, and was downright terrified of having to deal with the voices. Luckily he had Ben with him to help keep him sane while he was in rehab. Klaus really does love you, and he really does want to give sobriety a shot- but only for you.

“I promise, I already said I was really going to try.” Klaus sighed, turning his gaze down to look at you.

“You have no idea what that was like for me Klaus. Coming home to your lifeless body, I-I thought you were fucking dead.” You snapped, looking away from him as tears build in your eyes again. You’re so sick of crying. You feel his fingers grasping your chin, turning your head to look at him.

“I’m not dead baby, I’m here. I’m gonna get clean, and I’m gonna stay clean. I promise.” Klaus whispered before pressing his lips against yours. What you didn’t know then was that Klaus would be making that promise a hundred more times, and he’d be breaking it a hundred times. Deep down he didn’t want to get clean, he didn’t care enough about himself to try. The dead were too overwhelming, too scary, too much. Klaus couldn’t handle it, he didn’t want to. What he wanted was to be completely numb. The kiss was watery, but you pressed against him with such ferocity you almost took him by surprise.

“Mr. Hargreeves? The van is here.” A nurse says, clearing her throat awkwardly from the door. Klaus breaks the kiss first, his forehead pressed against yours. You can’t stop the tears as they trail down your cheeks. You sling his bag over your shoulder as the two of you head outside together. You see a man in scrubs take Klaus’s bag as other patients from the hospital pile into the van.

“I’ll only be gone for 3 months. Be back in a flash.” Klaus smiles, but the mischievousness doesn’t quite meet his eyes.

“I love you.” You whisper as he presses a kiss to your forehead.

“I love you.” Is the last thing you hear him whisper before he’s climbing into the van.

Klaus’s sobriety didn’t last long after rehab. Sure he’d attended all the group therapy sessions, and the annual detox therapy, he saw his therapist and followed the steps. He’d gone through the entire agonizing process of detoxing from the drugs. He wanted to be better, but then the voices came once more. Wailing in his ear about how desperately they wished to be alive, all the horrible details of their death, all the people they left behind. Ben tried to talk Klaus through it, to help him embrace his powers rather than reject them. But when Klaus sat straight up in bed, your sleeping body next to him and a thousand desperate voices screaming in his head he couldn’t take anymore.

“Don’t do this.” Ben pleaded, although he sounded defeated more than desperate. But Klaus’s shaking hands were already reaching for the closest pair of pants, which happened to be one of your skirts. Klaus was way more than itching for a fix, he was downright clawing for one. His eyes were wild as he stood up slowly, careful not to wake you up.

“She trusts you Klaus.” Ben tries again, he’s begun resorting to guilt tripping to keep Klaus sober. For the last few days it’s seemed to work, but Ben doubts it’s going to work now. Klaus is too far gone. “That isn’t going to last forever, eventually she will give up on you.”

“Shut up.” Klaus hisses, pulling sneakers on before turning for the door of the apartment. Ben appears in the doorway of the staircase, and Klaus raises a brow.

“Save whatever speech you have planned, I need it now.” Klaus says desperately, walking down the stairs- through Ben.

“Screw you Klaus, you’re taking advantage of her!” Ben snaps, you may not know Ben is around but he’s gotten to know you. He cares about you, in a sisterly way, and he hates seeing Klaus take your love and throw it away.

“Shut the hell up Ben.” There is genuine anger in Klaus’s tone now, his fists clenched as he continued towards where his normal dealer hangs out. Ben doesn’t particularly like hurting Klaus, but dammit someone has to stop him from destroying his own life.

“If you really cared about Y/N, you’d turn around and go home. She’s still laying in bed, thinking you’re next to her. How amazing is it that she wants you to be next to her, and you don’t seem to care at all. If I was alive, I’d love her right.” Ben yells, and this causes Klaus to freeze.

“Like hell you could! Y/N only wants me.” Klaus insists, but Ben can see the insecurity swirling in his eyes.

“For how long? When she realizes you relapsed again she isn’t going to want anything to do with you. Or you could go home Klaus, and put her first for once.” Ben says, his voice calmer this time. Tears well in Klaus’s eyes, he loves you more than anything on this whole planet.

“I’m sorry, I need it.” Klaus whispers before turning down the alley to see his dealer. This time, Ben doesn’t follow him. He can’t watch Klaus overdose again, he can’t watch him throw you away for drugs.

The first time you have sex with Klaus, he was high. You don’t know that, and Klaus knows exactly how you’d react if you did. It was a month since Klaus had gotten out of rehab, and you believed it also signaled a month of sobriety for him. In reality, Klaus hadn’t even made it a week before he relapsed after rehab. You wanted to celebrate with him, to do something nice for him. Ben watched you light candles while Klaus took a “nap”. It made him sick to see you do so many nice things for Klaus, while Klaus was really shooting up in your shared bathroom. You’re out here setting up something nice to celebrate Klaus’s sobriety, and he’s injecting heroin into his veins. It truly does make Ben sick. You lit the last candle, and when you reached up to remove your robe and reveal your lingerie- Ben disappeared. He isn't a pervert, he knew where this was going.

“Klaus?” You called nervously, smoothing your babydoll lace as you sat on the bed. You knew you wanted this, you were just nervous. When he emerged from the bathroom, his eyes widened as they landed on your nearly exposed breasts. He’d never seen you so naked before. Klaus swallowed a thick lump in his throat, and suddenly everything felt hotter, and tighter.

“Hey.” Is all he can say before an easy smile makes its way across his face.

“I just wanted to congratulate you on 1 month of sobriety.” You say softly with a smile, and then all the happiness drains away. Klaus feels sick to his stomach as guilt nearly brings him to his knees. You believe in him, and he’s pissing it all away. He wished he was stronger, but he isn’t. Klaus is weak and he isn’t worth it, and soon you’re going to realize that.

“You didn’t have to do this.” Klaus whispers and you shrug with a nervous smile on your face.

“You don’t like it?” You ask, your eyes widening. You’re really putting yourself out there and you can only hope he likes this. Klaus takes a step forward, his hands landing on your hips.

“No baby I do! I love this.” Klaus reassures you, and you feel your cheeks heat up when you see his eyes go wandering down your body. HIs lips lower to yours then and you feel like you’re up in the clouds. Klaus feels his heart breaking with every tender movement, every gentle brush of your fingers through his hair. It’s all he can do but to grab you and press you against his body with a bruising force. The desperation in his movements is what catches you off guard, his hands are hauling your thighs up around his waist. Normally Klaus isn’t this assertive in the bedroom, but he needs to feel your skin against his. He needs to know you’re here with him, because soon you won’t be. He knows that.

It’s not long before you’re undressed and your legs are spread open for him, and Klaus has no idea what he ever did to deserve you. Deep down he knows he doesn’t, you deserve someone like Ben. Maybe that’s why what Ben said really struck a nerve, because deep down Klaus knows if Ben were alive- you’d choose him. You’d never choose Klaus if he were being compared to Ben. Klaus grasps his cock in his hand before guiding the head into your tight opening, and when he pushes into you- it feels like absolute heaven. But there’s only one thought on Klaus’s mind, I don’t deserve this.

The second time you see Klaus overdose, it’s the morning after the best night of your life. It’s the morning after you sleep with him, the morning after you feel truly connected to him like you’re one. You stretched with a yawn, a smile on your face as your hand reaches over to where Klaus is sleeping next to you. When your hand finds cold sheets your eyes blink open, he’s already awake?

“Klaus?” You call softly, waiting for a response. When you don’t get one you finally drag yourself out of bed, you enter the living room. Again no sign of Klaus whatsoever. Panic creeps into your chest then, he’s just out getting coffee or something to surprise you. You bite nervously at your nails before you turn back to your room to push into the bathroom. The sight before you draws a gasp from you. Klaus is slumped against the wall, his arm still on the toilet with the tourniquet around his arm. The needle is on the lid of the toilet next to his arm, and you immediately rush towards him.

“What have you done?” You whisper desperately, reaching for the life alert you have in the bathroom. You have one in every room in your apartment, which at the time felt like overkill but now looking back on it you’re happy you did. You pull Klaus to lay on his back, yanking the tourniquet off his arm. You try to feel for a pulse, and much to your horror you don’t feel a pulse. You frantically press your ear to his chest, his heart isn’t beating.

“Oh my God Klaus!” You nearly scream in horror, balling your fist up and slamming it down on his chest as hard as you can. You continue to do this, tears cascading down your cheeks. He’s dead, his heart isn’t beating.

“Klaus, why? You said you were sober!” You scream in pure emotional agony. You hardly notice when the paramedics arrive until they pull you away from him.

“H-his heart isn’t beating. Please help him.” You beg as they rush him out of the apartment, but this time...you don’t go with him. You’ve finally reached the point all of Klaus’s siblings reached, the point where you just can’t take being let down anymore. You believe in him, you feel hopeful. Then you feel lower than low when you realize he relapsed again, you can’t do this anymore. You can’t take the let down anymore.

It’s a few days before you go see Klaus in the hospital, and you know what you have to do but you’re not sure you have the strength to do it. Klaus is sitting in bed, eating chocolate pudding, and this time he looks worse than last time. He glances up at you when you come in, and he has to do a double take.

“Baby-”

“Please don’t. I don’t want to hear your excuses, or your promises to get clean.” You interrupt, and it’s only just now that he notices a suitcase in your hand. There are tears endlessly falling down your cheeks, and inside you feel completely dead. Klaus knows what the suitcase is for, he knows that you’ve lost faith in him. Just like Ben predicted you would, but despite the fact that this is all Klaus’s fault...Ben still sits nearby with a look of sadness upon his face.

“What’s the suitcase for?” Klaus brings himself to ask the dreaded question even though he already knows the answer. You swallow a lump before depositing the suitcase on a chair at the end of his bed.

“That’s all your stuff. D-Don’t come back to my apartment. Don’t call. I can’t be with you like this.” You cry, watching as the broken look on your face crosses onto Klaus’s.

“Baby please don’t do this. Just give me another chance, I’ll stay clean this time-” But you’re already shaking your head, taking slow steps back towards the door.

“We’re over Klaus. I’m done. I can’t be terrified of finding your dead body, I can’t wonder where you are at night or where you’re going when you sneak out. I can’t live like this anymore, I don’t want to live like this.” You sob, your shoulders shaking as you cry softly.

“Please don’t give up on me, not you.” Klaus pleads, and the look in his eyes nearly makes you change your mind, But then you remember where he is, that he did this to himself. You shake your head.

“You’ve given me no choice Klaus! I can’t take it anymore, I can’t handle anymore heartbreak.” You snap, tears heavy on your cheeks.

“I can get my shit together, I can!” Klaus pleads as your hand finds the door handle. He can’t lose you, not you. Anybody but you.

“I know you can, but I can’t wait around wondering if you’ll get your shit together before you overdose and die. I can’t wait around hoping the latter will come first. Goodbye Klaus.” You open the door and step into the hallway.

“No, Y/N please. I love you.” You hear Klaus call before you’re closing the door behind you. Your heart shatters as you do, and continues to shatter as you walk away.

Despite what you said, he called. He called over and over again and even came to your apartment. You remember him knocking and begging you to open the door, you had slid down the wall sobbing softly with your hand over your mouth. You love Klaus more than you’ve ever loved anyone, but you can’t watch him die. You can’t. You had to let him go and hope that someday he gets clean, and that he stays clean. You hope that someday he finds something or someone to stay clean for. Clearly, you weren’t enough.

“Please open the door, I know you’re in there.” Klaus begs, leaning against the closed door.

“She’s crying. I don’t think she’s going to open the door.” Ben says, poking his head through the door to look at you. His heart breaks for you, he tried to warn Klaus this was going to happen.

“I love you Y/N, just give me one more chance please.” Klaus tries again but you stay rooted to the floor, your body shaking through the tears.

“You’re hurting her Klaus.” Ben says softly, and Klaus finally takes a step away from the door with a look of realization on his face. He is hurting you. You don’t want him here, and as much as that kills him it’s the truth. The longer he sits here in the hallway, the more you’re going to cry. He has to let you go. He quickly wipes away falling tears before slinging his bag over his shoulder. Klaus leans down to slide something under the door before heading back down the stairs, and this time he isn’t going to be coming back. You turn to see a piece of paper with a plastic bag sitting on your kitchen floor. You lift the bag, and inside it is a necklace. It’s a silver heart with diamonds along the side, but on the inside is a rose made out of rose gold. You feel tears drifting down your cheeks as you turn to the note.

“Happy 1 Year Anniversary. I love you. -K”

You collapse to the floor, clutching the necklace and the note to your chest tightly. You never thought you would lose him, actually you were stupid enough to believe you could save him from himself. But you can’t save him, you never could. No matter how much you love him, it’s time to let him go and you can only hope that the next time you see him isn’t at his funeral.

-9 Years Later-

The letter clutched in your hand was one you never thought you’d be receiving. It’s from Allison, saying that her father died so she’s in town. You can’t fight the excitement you feel upon realizing you’re probably going to see her soon. You missed her. The prospect of running into Klaus crosses your mind, but c’mon what are the chances he’ll even show up? His father locked him in a Mausoleum for most of his childhood, you know for a fact that Klaus has no love for Reginald. You’re surprised Allison is going, but then again Reginald always did his little “experiments” on Klaus. Never the others. Besides Vanya, he treated Klaus the absolute worst. So you seriously doubt Klaus will turn up, plus you’ll only be there for like 10 minutes to see Allison. That’s the only reason you’re standing here, knocking on the door.

“It’s been a while Miss Y/L/N.” Pogo says once the door opens. You smile upon seeing him and can’t help yourself as you stoop down to hug him tightly. You’ve really missed Pogo these last few years. But you had to forget all of this, push it to the back of your mind. Any reminder of Klaus would cause you to collapse into tears, so you couldn’t think about any of it. There were a few times you nearly asked Allison to use her powers to erase your relationship with Klaus from your head. There was a while where you felt like you couldn’t be happy without him, but overall you did fine.

“Oh my God! Y/N!” You hear her before you see her and before you’ve even properly turned around Allison’s arms are winding around you tightly. You feel tears burning the backs of your eyes as you hug her back, it’s so good to see her. When Allison pulls back, her eyes scan your face before flickering behind you.

“Where’s Klaus?” If it were a few years ago, the question would have sent you to your knees in tears. You shake your head with a smile.

“We broke up a few years ago.” The pain behind your eyes is unmistakable. Allison nods before her gaze is flickering down to the necklace secured around your neck.

“Then what’s that?” She lifts the necklace in her hand, the necklace Klaus had slid under your door.

“It’s just a necklace I don’t know what you-”

“I helped him pick it out Y/N. It was the last time I talked to him.” She said and you nod slowly. You hold the metal in your hands, you’ve been wearing it every day since he gave it to you. Clinging to it like it’s the last piece of him you have, which is sort of true. You stole a few t-shirts of his too.

“I was just about to poke around in my Dad’s office, wanna come?” The playful glint in her eyes sends away the tears that were about to spill over your cheeks. You nod instantly, that was the one room they were never allowed to go into. You skip up the stairs behind Allison, running your fingers along the bannister. You remember all the times you ran up these stairs with Allison, either running away from Reginald or Pogo. Or the times you’d gotten hurt and Grace was there to run her fingers through your hair and hold you to her chest, she really was the best mom. She was a mom to you too, your own parents are pieces of shit and the only person you ever really had was Grace.

“Wow, so weird being in here.” You say once you two breach the threshold into the office. It only takes a few seconds for you to hear someone rummaging around in the drawers. You doubt Luther could fit behind the desk without you seeing him so it’s not him, and you just saw Diego in the hallway. Vanya was downstairs last time you checked so that means…

“Klaus?” Allison says it first. Your heart is in your throat as he stands to his full height, which is a few inches taller than the last time you saw him. He has facial hair, he doesn’t look like a boy anymore. He’s really grown into himself, he’s still super skinny though. His fashion style has changed a lot since the last time you saw him. He’s almost sort of feminine now, and you’d be lying if you said he didn’t look hot as hell. His eyes light up upon seeing her, a wide smile stretched across his face. He hasn’t seen you yet, so you’re going to just sneak out. You turn and head for the door when you hear his voice.

“Y/N? That you?” You hear the happiness edging at the tone of his voice. You can’t bring yourself to turn around, you can’t look into his eyes and remember how much you’ve missed him. He’s probably still using and you can’t get sucked into his addiction again. You stay stock still, tears burning at the corner of your eyes as you see him come into your view. He uses two fingers to tilt your chin up, and when you look into his eyes- it’s all over. They’re the same hazel eyes that you remember, the same softness behind them. The tears trickle down your cheeks before you can stop them. You shove past him and out of the room just as Luther comes in, he lights up when he sees you but the look quickly falters when he sees the tears on your face. His gaze trails back to Klaus and then a look of realization finally reaches his eyes.

“You should go after her.” Ben suggests as he moves to sit on Reginald’s desk. Klaus doesn’t say anything as he empties his pockets of things he was planning to sell before Luther caught him.

“Klaus, you're like an open wound for her, fix it. I thought you loved her.” Ben snaps, and this time Klaus glares at him before storming out of the room.

“I do love her.” Klaus snaps back.

“So talk to her and stop being an idiot.” Ben says, and the anger in his eyes is unmistakable. Klaus groans, pressing the heel of his palms into his eyes.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“How about, ‘I’m sorry’?” Ben suggests sarcastically. Klaus rolls his eyes. Turning towards the railing of the stairs, Klaus spots you next to a giant window. You’re stood with your arms crossed, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t happy to see you.

“Don’t think it’s going to be enough, but I’ll try.” Klaus says softly, looking into Ben’s eyes. Tucking the ornate box he stole from the office into his pants, Klaus makes his way towards you.

“Hey you.” Is all he says, but hearing him say those words with his voice, it’s almost too much. It sends you right back to the first time you saw Klaus overdosing, it’s what he said in the hospital room when he woke up. You push a smile onto your face through the tears.

“Hey.” You wipe away a falling tear as you turn to look at him, and you see his eye fixated on your neck. Klaus reaches up to touch the necklace, there’s a smile on his face.

“You’re wearing it.”

“I never took it off, since you gave it to me.” You admit softly. Klaus looks up to meet your eyes again, and you swear he’s wearing eyeliner. Why is that so hot? Why is him dressing sort of like a woman so damn sexy?

“So, I hate this small talk but how have you been?” Klaus asks, stuffing his hands in his pockets. You casually wipe away a few tears, pretending that neither of you know why you’re crying. Even though you both know you’re crying because of him, again. What kills you the most is that everything else about him looks different enough for you to convince yourself that it’s a different person. But his eyes are the same. The same soft, puppy like eyes and every time you look into them you see the broken look on his face when you broke up with him.

“Good. I’m good, you?” You and Klaus really did detest small talk, but when it comes to you two you need to take baby steps. Maybe you can be friends but you doubt it, either way you have to take it slow. Really slow.

“I’m great.” He says with a wide smile, you nod once before turning your gaze out the window again. There’s one question poking at your head, refusing to be ignored. So you lick your lips and slowly turn to him.

“Klaus?”

“Hm?”

“Did you have anywhere to go after I...I um-”

“After you kicked me out?” You don’t expect the words to sting so much when he says them, you don’t think he intended to say it bitterly but he did. You nod.

“No I didn’t, but I figured it out.” He says with a shrug. You feel guilty as you look back out the window, and that’s when you notice him inch closer to you.

“I’ve missed you Y/N.” He says softly, turning his body to face yours. You feel tears in your eyes again, you know what he’s doing.

“Don’t.” You say softly, but his arms reach on either side of you to grasp the railing behind you- effectively trapping you in place.

“I really missed you.” Klaus says sincerely, his lips ghosting over yours. It’s too much.

“Stop! We can’t do this again Klaus.” You gasp, shoving him away from you. Klaus’s eyebrows knit together, but you know he really isn’t surprised.

“Baby I’m different now, I won’t let you down again-”

“Really? Then what’s this?” You snap as tears drift down your face. You grasp the bracelet on his wrist, the bracelet from rehab next to the one from the emergency room. You see him shrink in on himself, knowing that he had in fact been caught.

“After all these years and you’re still using, and you overdosed again? Do you know how lucky you are to be alive? Dammit Klaus, I’m not getting pulled into this bullshit again. I can’t.” You yell, crying uncontrollably now.

“But I still love you, I’m so fucking in love with you.” Klaus pleads and you know he means it. The annoying part is that you love him too, there’s never going to be a time in your life that you’re not in love with Klaus. You shake your head, you really wished you could control your damn emotions. You turn to storm down the stairs when you feel his fingers gently close around your wrist.

“I know you love me, you wouldn’t wear that necklace if you didn’t.” Klaus says desperately, a look in his eyes you can’t quite place.

“Please Y/N, just kiss me. One more time, please.” Klaus pleads, and you close your eyes as you release a heavy breath. You grasp onto his shirt tightly before pulling his lips down to meet yours. Klaus sighs happily against your lips as his hands grasp tightly at your own shirt, pulling you as close to his body as you can get. Your lips move against each other, and you can already feel the heat rising. You moan against him when his hand slips between your legs on the outside of your jeans. You pull away from him as he presses his palm against your core.

“W-We can’t do this Klaus.” You gasp, your head tilting back as he grinds his hardening cock against you. He winds his arms around your waist, his lips finding the sweet spot just under your ear. You mewl softly, your hands grasping his shoulders tightly.

“Sure we can, you don’t want a relationship- fine. Doesn’t mean we can’t have a physical relationship.” He whispers, biting at your neck in a way that makes you feel like you’re melting. You sigh softly as his hand slides under your shirt and up your back.

“C’mon baby, let me make you feel good. Use me to get off. Please.” His filthy words send another wave of arousal through you. You look into his eyes and when you see the heat simmering in them, you know you can’t say no.

“God please make me cum Klaus.” You plead hoarsely, and his lips press against yours again. He hauls your legs around his waist as he takes a back hallway to his bedroom. He presses you against the wall outside of his bedroom, grinding his cock up against your core. His lips trail kisses from the corner of your mouth, all the way down the column of your throat. Your head tilts back and hits the wall, your entire body buzzing.

“Just please tell me, are you high right now?” You gasp, his hand toying with the button of your jeans. Klaus hums in thought.

“A little.” He admits, and it definitely bothers you, but you need to cum so damn badly that you don’t care too much. Klaus kicks the door shut behind him before dropping you onto the bed, his hands yanking your shirt over your head.

“Wait, is this my shirt?” He asks, lifting the fabric to inspect it.

“A memento, come here and kiss me.” You plead again, your bra joining his shirt not too long after. Klaus happily obliges, yanking his shirt over his head before his lips are on yours. Your hands find his scarf, which strangely looks good on him before pulling it from around his neck.

“Nice scarf.” You comment against his lips. Klaus’s tongue swiftly enters your mouth and you, honest to God whimper against his lips. No man has ever made you whimper before. Your hands reach down to unbutton his pants, and you begin to push them down his legs. Remarkably, Klaus has managed to keep the giant box tucked into his pants concealed, kicking it under the bed when you look down to help untangle the pants from his ankles. You help peel his pants off before you’re sliding onto the floor in front of him. You pump his cock in your hand a few times before you’re taking him down your throat. Klaus hisses as his head tosses back, and you have to admit that the way he looks sends heat between your legs. His arms holding himself up as his neck is exposed, his eyes squeezed shut, his chest heaving. He looks fucking beautiful. You lick a line up the underside of his cock, you still remember exactly what he likes. That’s honestly a little pathetic, but at this moment you couldn’t care less.

“Fuck baby I don’t remember you being so-” he’s cut off when you suck lightly, and he moans. “-being so good at this.”

He swallows thickly, daring himself to look down at you. The sight before him nearly makes him cum on the spot. You’re looking up at him through your lashes, there are tears in your eyes, and your mouth is stuffed full of his cock. He can see it bulging in your throat. You bob your head up and down his full length, but eventually Klaus yanks you off him by your hair.

“If you don’t stop I’m going to cum and I won’t get hard again.” He growls, pulling your lips against his. Klaus’s hands are quickly unbuttoning your jeans, his hands hooking into the waistband to push them down your legs along with your underwear.

“You’re too clothed.” He mumbles against your lips, you eagerly help him undress you. Klaus gently pushes you back against the mattress to lay underneath you, his hands pressed on either side of your head. His eyes are practically twinkling as he gazes down at you, and there’s a fond smile on his face as his fingers brush against the necklace once more.

“What?” You ask, your cheeks heating up from the look in his eyes.

“Nothing. Just...this is my happy place.” He says and you turn your head away when it starts to feel too emotional.

“This is just sex Klaus remember? We’re not getting back together.” You remind him, and you hate the crushed look in his eyes but he nods.

“Yeah, I remember.” He says softly, the head of his cock nudging at your entrance. You moan when you feel his tip sliding against your lips, and just that one sound has reignited the fire in Klaus’s eyes. He reaches down to grasp the base of his cock, watching with nearly sadistic eyes as he teases you by rubbing the head along your entrance.

“Don’t be an asshole.” You groan, your fingers curling around the sheets. Klaus leans down to press his lips against yours before he’s sliding into you in one languid thrust. Your breath catches in your throat as you wind your arms around his shoulders. You’re not as tight as Klaus was expecting, which can only mean one thing. You’ve had sex with somebody else, and deep down Klaus knows that he has no right to be upset about it. But he is, he’s really upset about it. He quickly sets a brutal pace, pinning your arms to the bed as he bites down softly on your lower lip. You wriggle one arm free so you can reach up and grasp tightly onto his neck, your fingers curled around his throat. Klaus’s eyes roll back as he continues to pump into you.

“Fuck I missed this.” Klaus groans, his other hand snaking between your bodies to toy with your clit. Klaus has slept with one other person since he was with you, but that was different. It was a man. To Klaus, sex with men is just as good as sex with women but nothing is as good as sex with you. There’s something about you that just makes his toes curl, that edges him a little higher. Maybe it’s because he’s helplessly in love with you, but who knows. Klaus knows he won’t last much longer, especially when you begin to clench around him. He missed being this close to you, feeling one with you. Feeling you. He missed it all, everything about you. He is going to get you back, Klaus has made it his goal to get clean. For you. He never wants to lose you again.

“I missed you,” You gasp, you can’t help it. You did miss him. More than you thought you would, and you thought that time would heal the wound but it didn’t. Actually, the more time that went on the more the wound seemed to open. Klaus continues to push into you roughly, the head of his cock hitting that sweet spot with every thrust. You hold his chest tightly to yours, your eyes squeezing shut when his fingers gently pinch your clit. The tidal wave breaks open then and you’re squeezing around him so tightly that it draws a strangled groan from him as you gush around him. You moan obscenely as you cum around him, your hands holding him tightly. Klaus gasps as he thrusts into you roughly before pulling out of you and instantly cumming all over your stomach.

“I needed that.” Klaus sighs happily, standing to clean your stomach off. You watch him toss the tissue in a trash can before reaching around for his clothes.

“Leaving?” You ask in disbelief, he won’t stay with you for a little bit? Klaus leans back over you before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Sorry baby, got an errand to run.” He says reaching under the bed to grab the box. Klaus slides the scarf around his neck once more, and when you see the box you know what he’s up to. He’s going to sell it for drug money. He tosses your clothes onto the bed before turning towards the door. Just before his hand tugs the door open, he turns towards you again.

“Be honest with me, do you still love me?” He asks and you bite down on your bottom lip.

“I still love you Klaus.” You admit, watching the small smile on his face.

“I love you too.” And before you know it, he’s out of the bedroom and closing the door behind him. It’s immediate that you should not have had sex with him, you should have said no but you couldn’t. Why?

Because Klaus is your addiction.

#klaus hargreeves smut #tua fanfic #the umbrella academy #klaus hargreeves #tua smut #the umbrella academy smut #luther hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus x reader #klaus x you

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beccascribbles · 4 years ago

Text

seijoh and their love language

physical touch

“tooru,” you gasped, feeling warm arms wrap around your bare skin and a mouth press a gentle kiss to the nape of your neck. the water rolled off your body in droplets, and, as you turned to face him, he slipped slightly on the wet floor, catching himself against the wall. this had the added effect of trapping you in front of him. he leant forward, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose.

“hey,” he greeted, mouth splitting open in that grin you loved so much. it was open, honest, one of the truest smiles he had, and reserved for those he was utterly in love with. you were certain you were one of the only people in the world to be on the receiving end of this smile.

“what are you doing?” you giggled, reaching up a hand to brush his hair from his forehead. the water from the shower head had flattened it, plastering the strands to the smooth surface.

“showering with you,” he shrugged, like it was an everyday occurrence, like he hadn’t just snuck in because he missed your touch so much. he reached over to grab the shampoo from the rack, opening the bottle and squeezing out some of it into the palm of his hand. “turn around.”

you turned, and oikawa’s fingers tangled in your hair, massaging the scalp until the shampoo was lathered. he removed the shower from its’ hook, gently guiding your head back to avoid any shampoo going in your eyes as he washed it from your hair. next, he grabbed the conditioner, repeating the process. you smiled at him, hand reaching out to remove his shampoo from the rack.

“your turn,” you declared, squeezing a small amount into your palm. you rose up on your tiptoes slightly, wobbling as you attempted to wash his hair while also balancing. with a soft chuckle, he bent his knees slightly, surprising you at the sudden change in height.

“sorry,” he laughed softly, placing a kiss to your collarbone. “but it’s easier now, right?”

acts of service

iwaizumi can’t help it. his eyes fall on your sleeping form, a soft smile taking over his features as he brushes a finger along your cheek. you stir slightly in your sleep, and he freezes, hand stopping its slow movement away from you. when he is certain you are still sleeping peacefully, he finally moves, slipping from the bedroom and shutting the door behind him with a quiet click.

he knows you’ve had a busy week, working late into the night, and also finding the time to cook dinner most days that week. iwaizumi knows you don’t mind cooking; it’s one of the things you like to do, preparing a meal the two of you can eat together, dinner being the one time in the week where you can really sit down and chat, no distractions.

he grabs the dirty laundry from the basket beside the bathroom, carrying it downstairs where he can start the process of dividing the lights and darks. if you came down to find the white clothes the both of you wore were now a different colour, you would not be happy. his eyebrows furrowed as he held an item of clothing in front of him. it was an odd colour, one that could be considered a mixture of light and dark. taking a chance, he threw it in the dark pile, praying to whoever was listening that his assumption was correct.

switching on the machine went smoothly. iwaizumi wasn’t completely incapable - he had done his own laundry while in america, it was just the added pressure of messing up that made him slightly uncertain. the sound of china rattling and the kettle being switched on alerted him to your presence in the kitchen.

he hovered in the doorway for a moment, watching you as you shuffled around, your hood pulled up over your head. you moved in a daze, reaching up to grab the tea bags and letting out a loud yawn. he stepped forward then, entering the kitchen and wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest. he let his head rest against yours for a moment before pulling away.

“morning, sleepyhead,” he greeted, reaching up to grab his own mug and placing it down beside yours. “have a nice lie in?”

gifts

another holiday, another gift shop.

matsukawa stepped into a gift shop somewhere in paris already knowing what he wanted to buy, what he had brought for you to commemorate every trip you'd been on together. he flicked through the various keyrings, discarding them with ease.

too tacky. too loud. too large.

he finally settled on a delicate, ornate keyring in the shape of the eiffel tower. it may be basic but it recalled fond memories of the trip. you had eaten lunch in the tower's shadow, had seen it rising above the buildings as you walked down the street. it was the view from your hotel window. therefore, it was perfect.

he paid for it with his limited french, stumbling through phrases, certain he'd messed up the pronunciation when the shop assistant snickered. still, he left the shop with it gift-wrapped and his wallet four euros lighter.

matsukawa presented it to you during your last meal in paris, handing it to you across the table with a grin. at least that had solved the mystery of why he had woken up so early, never one to be out of bed before ten if he didn't have to work.

you handled it with care, twisting it at different angles, the candle light catching it and flickering. a small grin tugged at the corners of your lips and you leaned across the table to press them against his. his hand came up to cup your face, holding you in place as he deepened the kiss. a stern cough caused you to push away, flustered as you peered around the restaurant. laughing, matsukawa laced his fingers with yours.

"so, do you like it?"

"i love it," you replied, leaning forward once again, this time only letting your lips brush against his jaw.

quality time

you could hardly move, squished into the smallest space you could find as you held your breath. the slightest release of air would alert him to your presence in the room, and you wanted to win. if only you could see the timer... you just needed to remain hidden for five minutes, just five, and hanamaki would turn over his tv privileges to you.

the door to the room you were hidden in creaked open, and heard him step into the room. cupboards were opened as hanamaki moved closer to your hiding place. you tried to make yourself smaller, shuffling backwards. your head hit the wood with a sharp crack and you let out a wince.

"y/n?"

his voice was close now, just outside where you were hidden. he opened the door, peering in. for a moment, he didn't see you. you were huddled right against the side, curled up into a ball. then, his head turned to the side. he declared, "found you!"

"does this mean i have to sit and watch your shit?" you grumbled, crawling out and rubbing the rapidly growing bruise on the back of your head.

"well, it certainly doesn't mean i have to sit and watch yours," he beamed, reaching forward and giving your side a poke.

"don't you have jobs to apply for and interviews to attend?" you quipped, flinching slightly when his fingers dug into your side. a gasping laugh escaped your lips as he began to tickle you.

"and don't you have an actual job to do?" he teased, grinning widening at the way you squirmed in his grasp, trying desperately to tickle him back.

physical touch

kyoutani glared at the people around you, reaching out to grab you and tug you back into his chest. his hand found a home on your waist, fingers sliding beneath the material of your top and resting against your warm skin. you looked up at him, eyebrows raised as you waited for an explanation. his other hand reached up to hold your face, thumb and forefinger gripping your chin as he pulled your face towards him. the kiss was short and fierce, a reminder to all those around you that you were his.

"taro, i need to go," you sighed, reaching up to rest a hand against his cheek. he grumbled in response, and you couldn't help the way your eyes rolled ever so slightly. "you know i've got class soon."

"i know," he said, fingers tightening on your waist. your body was warm against his, a welcome distraction and one that he craved. "one more kiss?"

your hand slipped around the back of his head as you leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. kyoutani wasn't satisfied with that, using his hand on your waist to hold you in place and the hand on your face to pull you back in. you surrender to his touch just like you usually did, returning the kiss and pulling away breathless.

"i really need to go," you said, though you were becoming increasingly reluctant to leave. he nodded in response.

"message me when you're done?" he requested, loosening his hold and letting you slip away.

you reached out to give his hand one last squeeze before turning away and throwing over your shoulder, "obviously."

words of affirmation

"i love you," he murmured in the dark, turning to face your sleeping form beside him. your breathing was steady, and he reached out to touch you gently, tracing the lines of your face. he stared down at you in awe, wondering how he could have got so lucky. he let out a deep sigh. "you're so perfect. everything about you. i love it all."

you stirred in your sleep then, moving closer to him and pressing your face against his side. he leaned down, pressing a kiss to your forehead as your eyes cracked open and you peered up at him.

"did you say something, yutaro?" you mumbled, voice raspy from sleep. he blushed then, face feeling hot as he repeated what he had admitted earlier.

"i love you."

"love you too," you murmured sleepily, snuggling further into his warmth. already, your eyes were beginning to close again, sleep pulling you back in.

"i love you so much," he continued, his voice lulling you back to sleep. "i love everything about you, every little thing you do. you're perfect for me in every way. i couldn't ask for a better partner."

a soft snore filled the silence of the room, and he lay back down, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you flush against his chest. a chaste kiss was placed to the nape of your neck before sleep also claimed kindaichi.

quality time

kunimi stifled a yawn, stretching out on the sofa as he listened to you chat. it was around 1am now, a time when he would usually be asleep. however, your conversation was engaging and he felt like he hadn't been able to just spend time with you.

you were always doing something together, going somewhere, but you were never just alone together, no phones, no tv, just each other. kunimi smiled over at you, reaching forward to rest his hand atop yours. you took it, never breaking your flow of conversation.

“kunimi?”

“hmm?” he questioned, blinking over at you. his movements were slow and it was clear he was tired.

“do you want to go to sleep?” you asked, lifting the hand you were holding with your own and pressing a gentle kiss to the surface, letting it fall back into your lap.

he shook his head, smiling blearily at you. “i like listening to you. we haven’t been like this in a while.”

“i guess we have been busy,” you reasoned, letting your head rest against the back of the sofa. “i missed talking to you, akira.”

he nodded his head, moving closer to you and dropping his head on your shoulder. your free hand brushed through his hair, the movement slow and soothing. kunimi urged, “keep talking.”

that was all the prompting you needed to launch into another story from your day, kunimi’s eyes slowly shutting as your voice eased him to sleep.

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honeyhenry · 4 years ago

Text

Captain Confusion

A/N: Inspired by this video that makes me weep with its cuteness! I just had to write this okay 🥺🥺🥺 This is in the same universe as Homeward Bound, which happens after this story. Feel free to give it a read after this, if you haven’t already! ALSO should note that the lovely @ohmygoodie is my Sy partner in crime and without them this fic would not be made possible :)

Warning: mention of operations/hospitals, and a whole lot of fluff!

It was a simple procedure and so it hadn't worried you too much, other than the usual fears when a loved one is under the knife while in the hands of trained doctors. Sy’s hernia had been authorised for operation only five minutes into the doctor’s appointment you had all but dragged him to, and scheduled for 4 days later. Not really much time to prepare mentally, but you knew it was necessary with your big bear of a man in pain. Despite the painkillers prescribed, he was walking with a limp and groaning in bed for all the wrong reasons.

In the waiting room, you and his Ma kept busy during the 45 minute wait by looking through magazines, talking about how the Captain’s quality of life will improve, and what kind of minor jobs you’ll have him do around the house while he’s recovering as you continue to work.

“I hope the recovery isn’t as long as some people have said. I know for a fact he’ll not want to be cooped up all day. If he’s anything, he’s stubborn” you sigh, knowingly.

Ma smiles, looking at you pointedly, knowing that she is in the presence of the only other soul who knows what is best for her son. “He knows better now that his health is his wealth. He’s got a lot more riding on being well now. After all, it’s not just him he’s gotta be there for anymore.”

“Yeah, I mean I always tell him, he’s not 25 anymore. Or even 30. I’ll need you to back me up, he does anything you say. I’m his equal, you’re his Mom.”

You both laugh a little, hers warm and kind, while yours tinges with the remaining hopeful nerves of an army Captain’s wife. You don’t like not knowing about your Sy, especially since you spent all those years apart, not knowing if he was safe, or even alive. The waiting, in any capacity, is the hardest part.

You’re flipping through a random tabloid magazine, when the surgeon in charge walks through to the waiting room.

“Everything went really well with Captain Syverson. He’s coming to from the anaesthetic and asking for his Ma?”

Ma grins before sucking her teeth between her lips watching as your mouth drops. You both move from the waiting area to follow the surgeon towards where your husband is resting. You speak under your breath, only wanting Sy’s Ma to hear you; “I hope he still remembers how to grovel after this.”

Ma enters the room with you following her, arriving only a couple more corridors along from where you’d last seen him earlier that morning. He may not have asked for you but you were going to see Sy whether he wanted it or not. A grand push of the door allows it to swing open, and suddenly there he is. A little disoriented but has a large dopey smile plastered on his face as soon as he sees his Ma. His heavy head lolls to one side as he rests it on the plush hospital pillow.

“Hey Ma” he groans out as she bends over her large son to give his forehead a kiss, taking his hand in hers. He spends a moment just gazing at her for a while, the love he has for her evident on his face, as she tells him that everything went well, and that he can go home tomorrow.

It’s only after this tender mother and son moment, that he notices you.

“Ma.... why ya bringing a beautiful girl here when I’m like this...oh god I’m not wearing underwear Ma!”

His feeble attempt at trying to cover himself means that you actually end up seeing far more of him than you expected. Nothing you hadn’t seen before, but it definitely hasn't happened in front of his own mother before. The whole situation makes you blush and giggle a little as you try your best to avoid eye contact with Ma. You can only imagine the look on her face, and you don’t want to get any more involved with Sy’s naked form than you need to right now.

Rather than put you and your poor Sy through any further embarrassment, Ma speaks up.

“Oh darlin’, this is y/n. You remember her, right?”

And while he’s listening - or at least pretending to listen to his Ma fussing over him again - he’s just staring at you, gazing in awe as if you were the one to hang the stars in the sky.

“You are.... so pretty” he slurs, making you break out a genuine smile that he mirrors, glad that he was the one to make you look even more pretty.

“Well thanks handsome. How do you feel?” you perch on the edge of the bed and hold his hand. To him, the gesture feels warm and inviting - even if he doesn't know you, he recognises something about you in the comfort that you bring.

“Feel like shit. Oh fuck i said ‘shit’ in front of the lady” he whines again, scrunching his eyes closed as hangs his head in shame. It looks like he might even cry with the realisation that he’s made such a foolish impression of himself. It takes Ma shushing him and making him take a sip of juice from his bedside to calm down, dabbing his face with a cloth when his juice spills from his mouth.

“Oh Logan Daniel Syverson...what did they do to ya?” she lightly scolds as she helps clean up the mess he’s unknowingly created around him. That’s your Sy, a hurricane of mess that somehow fits into order just how he likes it.

You giggle a little more at his shameful expression, before he refocuses, giving you his undivided attention once more.

“How is it that ya know my Ma and we’ve never met? Or have we? ‘Cause I think i’d remember a face like yours”

“Well...” you start, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear to let him see your entire face, hoping it would jog his memory. As you do so, the ring on your fourth finger glints in the hospital light, and for the first time since you've entered the room, he’s noticed.

“Oh...man...knew a girl like you would be snatched up already. Whoever has the honour of being yours is a very lucky man.” He smiles softly, a wistful look in his eye, while makes you realise that you can’t wait for the drugs to leave his system, you have to remind him who you are and who he is, right this very moment.

“Sy honey... we’re married. You’re my husband, and I’m your wife. I think the drugs are making you more than a bit loopy.”

It’s his turn for his jaw to drop, his eyes are unblinking as he takes in what you’ve just said. He turns sharply - more than his doctor would have probably liked - to his Ma, and then back to you, and then his Ma again, waiting for one of you to burst out laughing at the prank you surely must be playing on him.

“Wha-? A wife? I have a wife?” you nod and he exhales a deep breath of air in amazement.

“YOU’RE my wife? Really?” you nod again and Ma smiles at you as she watches the scene of Logan meeting you all over again.

“Am I still in the army? I’m a Captain ya know”

“You left just a few months ago. You still work in the local camps, of course. You like it there, and you’re home every night and most weekends.”

“Does Ma like you?” You don’t even get a chance to finish as he turns to his mother “Do you like her? is she nice? Does she like your new kitchen? I built it y’know.”

You knew when you met, dated, and married him, that Sy was a Momma’s boy. He loves his mother so much, that her opinion will always mean the world to him.

Ma nods “You two are the sweetest couple. She’s the best addition to the family, gives you a run for your money alright. She’s my new favourite.” You get a soft hug from her as she says this, with her wrapping her arm around your shoulders and pulling you close. She’s always felt so grateful that her Logan found you, because my goodness did he love you ferociously, and he needed you in his life. You were the making of him, and the whole Syverson clan will forever be grateful to you for it.

"And where did we get married? If we really are married.” He continues his line of questioning.

“At the ranch, on your family’s land. it was such a special day. We had the reception there too. And we went to Italy for our honeymoon.”

Sy is basking in every word you say, praying it to be true, as if he could will it into existence if it hadn’t already happened, wanting badly to remember sunset kisses and italian food and beach days all spent with you. He perks up at the last thing you say, taken by complete surprise.

“Honeymoon?! Oh my god have we...ya know..?” A blush fades over Sy’s face, and even though you love his Ma, you really wish she wasn’t finding out so many details about your personal life today, like how your son rails you on the regular in many ways, and in many places. He must somehow remember or at least accurately imagine your past endeavours, as he grins like a little shit.

You smack his arm, lightly but with a firm hand.

“Be quiet, or the whole ward will know about our sex life” you threaten. “Yes we’ve had sex. i’d hope so given that we have a kid on the way.”

If Ma had had to deal with her son getting horny over his “new”wife, she was being fully compensated for it as she witnessed him fall head over heels in love with you, all over again.

“A kid?...Tell me ya not messing with me...are we really- I-” he swallows and his tears come even easier than before “We’re havin’ a baby?” With the sudden realisation, he turns to his Ma. “This beautiful woman right here’s havin’ my kid, Ma?” He looks between the two of you again, watching as you both nod and beam from ear to ear.

“You know you cried just as much when i told you for the first time too. i promise when the drugs are out your system it’ll all make sense again.”

Sy smiles, clutching your hand in his warm palm, almost scared to let go as the door is knocked and he feels you might be taken away. Instead, it’s a welcome visitor.

“Hey doc,” Sy greets the man who reenters the room, now freshly out of scrubs to visit his patient - who if anything is now simply love sick, no hernia to be found. “This is my wife, and she’s having a baby.” he looks back to you with a quirk of his eyebrow “My baby?” You roll your eyes and he confirms it; “my baby.”

“Oh, congratulations...again.”

The doctor’s evaluation and explanations don’t take long, and while Sy is being informed, you start rubbing your belly as a form of self-comfort. You will need to remind your child that while their father looks incredibly stern and impossibly large, he is silly and goofy and already loves them with his entire being. Over the course of the afternoon, Sy talks with you while the anaesthetic wears off. It turns out they had given him a pretty high dosage based on his height and muscle mass, so he would be out of action for a couple of hours at least.

“Oh, i have your ring” you pipe up before he starts getting too sleepy again, taking the thick gold band off of the necklace around your neck, placing it on his finger carefully.

“That feels better already” he sighs, as he begins to doze in and out of consciousness. Before he closes his eyes once more to rest peacefully, a small tear slides down his cheek, which you of course, notice. Sy has cried maybe 5 times in the time you’ve known him and three of those times have been in this very room.

“Honey what’s wrong? Are you in pain? i can call the doctor-”

“No i’m fine i’m fine i just-” he sniffs and tries to clear his throat from the sad, heavy pain he feels in his chest. “I’m gonna be real sad when I wake up from this dream. What if I can’t find you when I wake up?”

Oh your sweet, silly man.

“Bear it’s not a dream, I’ll be right here when you get up properly and we can go home and cuddle and I’ll heat up your favourite meal. I’ll be right there with you.”

“And the baby?” he asks, eyes wide. almost nervous to ask.

“Well they have to come too, they're with me. We can look at their pictures again so you can get reacquainted. And Aika will be so happy you’re back. We’ve been gone the whole day.”

“Aika!” your husband perks up, “Oh Aika, man....I love that dog..”

“I know you do bear, you just get some rest for now and then we can go home.”

Before you know it, he’s fallen back to sleep, his mouth wide open as he slumps against his pillow, completely out of it.

It’s dark outside when Sy opens his eyes again, watching as his Ma passes you a small herbal tea in the dimly lit hospital room. Technically visiting hours are over, but no one was going to argue with the Captain’s family. You smile, and he feels like he can finally relax, in your presence

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes” he growls lowly, and you look up at him from your phone, beaming in surprise, glad that your husband had woken up feeling a bit more like himself.

“Oh hello again” you smile and squeeze his hand, his slow blinking already indicating a much clearer mind, and that he knows exactly who you are.

“Again? What’d I miss?”

“The drugs” he stops you mid-sentence for a sweet kiss, acting as though a minute more without your lips would be the source of his downfall. “Mmmh, the drugs made you so loopy, it was the sweetest thing, Sy.” You grin as he pulls you up beside him on the bed.

He raises his eyebrows, clearly with no recollection of any of the past events. Yet still, he smiles.

“Yeah? How’s baby?” he holds you close to his side, wrapping an arm around your waist so he can cover your tummy with his palm.

“They’re great. Glad to have daddy back and sane.”

You swear that as you say that, he starts tearing up again, this time however he doesn’t let them fall. He was openly weeping earlier, but you won’t tell him that. Not yet.

“Damnit. Must be something in these drugs they got me on.”

“Mm-hmm sure bear.”

You stay close that evening, both curled up on a hospital bed that is already quite a tight fit for your husband alone. But as always, he makes it work. You’re half on top of him, both of you fast asleep, when the nurses come to do their rounds. Ma had left just after he had woken up, sneaking off into the night to let the rest of the family know how her most middle son is keeping after the operation. You’d cuddled and doted on each other until you’d fallen asleep, Sy following not long after as he bid goodnight to you and your precious cargo with a soft kiss to your lips, and protective rub of your stomach.

He counts himself more than lucky to have something so good, that it would pain him to forget. He was living the life that he’d been too scared to ever dream of, and he couldn’t be more grateful.

taglist: @ohmygoodie @michelehansel @la-cey @palaiasaurus64 @sassy-pelican @brandycranby

Masterlist

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bowiebond · 3 years ago

Text

Hey Babe, Your Hair’s Alright (Hey Babe, Let’s Stay Out Tonight) - Chapter 8

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39597543/chapters/99122538

Summary: After Eddie is humiliated at graduation by the town who still believes him to be the murderer, he breaks. He recluses. Steve isn't taking his shit for a second, and he's not letting Eddie's fire burn out.

CW: A little internalized homophobia? More like acknowledging homophobia's repercussions on oneself.

Eddie doesn’t remember much after the tears start falling. I thinks he might have fallen asleep asleep after a while. He vaguely remembers the city lights, Steve’s gentle hand between his shoulder blades, his head hitting the pillow. It comes in short bursts of consciousness as his body forces him to rise from his slumber, eyes puffy and sore. He’s got a headache behind his eyes and his mouth feels like cotton. He can be glad the blinds are closed at least, leaving him in the blissful warm brown tones of his dim motel room.

He slowly rolled over, his left side sunken into the mattress enough to make a divot during the night. His took a slow breath in, yawning as he let his right side be cushioned by the bed. He blinked a few times to clear up his blurry vision, coming face to face with Steve’s familiar face. At first his brain tells him this is wrong, that Steve wasn’t a familiar sight, not in this context, but his sleep softened features are putting his drowsy self at ease. Steve sleeps on his side, always with his hands slightly out and hands curled in loose fists like he’s used to holding something there. Slightly hunched in on himself and hair a mess against the muted blue pillow, the soft sunlight peaking through the blinds to cast a delicate glow on his warm ivory skin.

Eddie can’t help but think he looks like shelter, home, personified.

He reached out slowly, brushing his fingertips against the two dark freckles on his cheek, smiling to himself in the quiet of the morning. His fingers hovered over tempting skin, curving around the lax jaw, finding another freckle on his neck. Familiarizing himself with each perfect spot until his fingers stop at the collar of his shirt. He touches it and it feels wrong on Steve. Steve’s clothes are soft, expensive and silky, always high quality, but this feels like cotton and polyester, the dry texture that makes it hard to rub it without traction.

It doesn’t feel like Steve’s, but it does feel like his.

He sat up slowly, scratching at his chest and pulling on the front to loosen it after turning in it most of the night and making it fold and crease and tighten. He hesitantly hook his finger under the blanket covering Steve’s shoulder, pulling it up to see beneath the darkness. And sure enough, it is Eddie’s. His Motörhead shirt is glaring back at him in it’s fading white glory.

And Eddie wants to hug him. He wants to slot himself between the blanket and Steve and soak up his sleepy warm and morning voice, to wrap himself around every inch of Steve until he sinks into him, making a home between his third and fourth rib, making music in the valves of his heart to help it beat. He wants to hold and be held in return, hands in his hair and on his back, his Motörhead shirt pressed between their chests because he wants to be close but cannot fathom taking it back when it fits Steve so well.

He would have given in if he wasn’t so aware of his life. Where Steve Harrington is like a dream, he feels like a nightmare. He is the boogeyman fathers warn their sons about, the obscenity mothers turn their eyes from. The kind of person your pastor warns you about in your small hick town, and even if he doesn’t care, accepts that he will always be a freak and took a certain pride in it, he doesn’t want Steve to ever look at him that way.

Because he’s also a boy. The beginnings of a man. And he’s in love with his best friend in a way that can never be reciprocated no matter how much he prays.

So he leaves him to sleep. Tucked safely in his cocoon as he had been before, every hair out of place but perfect. Eddie scrubs every thought of what if down the drain as he showers, feeling restless. There’s only one day left before they have to go back home, and Eddie desperately wishes that they didn’t have to return. He wants to stay in this city, to learn and grow and take his only girl on to the streets and to the stage until he’s hearing the roars of a crowd and returning backstage to Steve’s grinning lips and hot food and his overly tidy habits that Eddie will no doubt hear about every day with pleasure.

That fantasy slips down the drain with the last of his shampoo before he shuts off the water. He sighed as he dried his body off and ruffled his wet shag with the towel until it didn’t drip. He hangs the towel and pulls on a plain black shirt, wishing he had brought Steve’s sweater. He wanted to be enveloped in it more now than ever. He allows himself matching sweatpants since it’s barely seven in the morning and he didn’t want to wear real pants right now.

When he opens the door, he’s surprised to see Steve awake, looking bleary eyed and still half asleep.

“Hey man...” His voice is rough, crackling around the edges when he speaks, and Eddie loves it. “You’re up early today.” He cradles his head with his elbow digging into the pillow, eyes barely open as he smiles at him. Eddie wonders vaguely if Steve would be like this every morning. So soft and hazy and warm like sunlight. He wants to travel to his side and block the real sun from his visage just so he can kiss him, so he can drink the honey sweetness from the source.

But Eddie’s a coward so he just smiled back and leans against the door frame like keeping his distance will stop those thoughts.

“Noticeably less snoring too.” Steve joked, running a hand through his hair, the stands following it’s usual structure before a few stragglers bounced free from his fridge. “How’re you feeling?”

“I’m...I feel fine.” He doesn’t really want to remember about how the bottle cracked and burst last night. He had wanted to level the field, that was all. To show Steve he wasn’t alone, but it had all welled and welled, after really talking about it to someone. He spilled and with it came the mess that was Eddie Munson.

“Okay...” Steve shifted to sit up, looking at his bedside table. He picked up the remote that rested there. “You wanna watch shitty Saturday morning TV? I’ll go break us some breakfast, some coffee...” Steve offered, turning the TV on.

“I don’t like coffee.” Eddie cracked a smile.

“How do you function?” Steve said in an appalled tone, face equally disturbed as he tried to figure out the buttons, not looking up from the remote. Eddie laughed, chin to his chest. He slowly saunter over to his side of the bed, sitting down gingerly.

“Sugar. I like orange juice.”

“Of course you do.” Steve smiled as the TV finally went from static to the news. “Yes!” He cheered at his own victory and turned to Eddie like he was expecting praise. Eddie smiled fondly.

“Good job, Mr Fix It.” He took the remote off him, ignoring how nice his skin is when his fingers brush against his palm. He switched the channels, trying to find something semi-decent.

“It’s all gonna be shitty.” Steve stage whispered as he slipped out of the bed, plucking his new jacket from the coat rack by the door.

“Not if I find the cartoons.” Eddie sing-songed, eyes flicking over Steve’s body. He was wearing branded sweats. What a prep. Eddie adored him.

“I hope you do, it’ll be better than anything else you find.” Steve slipped into his jacket and patted himself down for his keys absentmindedly. He found them in the right pocket. “Anything you want?”

“Pancakes.” Eddie hummed.

“You’re such a kid.” Steve huffed in amusement. “One pancakes and orange juice on the way. Don’t have too much fun without me.”

“How could I? You’d be back too quickly.” Eddie winked and Steve looked confused for a moment before he got the innuendo and groaned.

“Gross, dude.” Eddie laughed as Steve made his exit, focusing on the TV. He whooped when he found reruns of Scooby Doo playing, lounging back on the big bed all by himself. It entertains him enough, chuckling to himself as Scooby gets spooked like he always does, him and Shaggy running away. He knows when Steve is back because he can hear the jiggle of keys, looking up as Steve came through the door with a bag and a cup-tray.

“For your highness.” Steve places the drinks down on his bedside table and passed Eddie his juice.

“Thank you.” He sang, wriggling his shoulder with joy as he sipped it. Steve smiled as he watched him, Eddie’s eyes drawing back to the TV screen. Steve passed over the pancakes and it’s tubs of syrup and butter, settling besides him.

“Scooby Doo, huh?”

“Only the best cartoon around.” Eddie scoffed. “Who doesn’t love the Mystery gang?”

“Their monsters?” Steve offered and Eddie made a vague sound of agreement. They sit like that was a while, chuckling together as the gang gets into trouble and out of it as per usual, until their food is gone and cups empty and trashed. Eddie is happy to lounge longer, digesting, when his eyes finds his shirt once more. Except Steve notices this time.

“Oh. Oh, shit, I didn’t...” He looks a little pink in the face now, smoothing the shirt against his chest anxiously. “Sorry. That’s kind of weird, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s fine, I mean, a little...” Eddie cleared his throat as Steve began to ramble.

“I was supposed to return it with your other stuff but I didn’t realise I gave you the wrong shirt until a few days later and...well, it’s a nice night shirt. I never found the right time to return it, and you never said anything, so I thought it...would be okay if I just kind of kept it?” Steve fiddled with the hem of the shirt, looking away from Eddie, and he couldn’t help but want to ease his worries.

“You wanna know a secret?” This could go horribly wrong or horribly right. It was worth a shot though.

“Yeah?”

“You know when you got naked to go skinny dip with Vecna?”

“I hate that wording but yes.”

“You threw your sweater at me, the yellow one, and I left it in the boat when I jumped it.”

“...So you lost my sweater? I already knew that.” Steve furrowed his brows.

“I actually have it. At home.” Eddie admitted. “I think my uncle got things mixed up in the wash after we got our stuff back, so you got my vest after you got out of hospital, and I got your sweater.”

“He thought it was yours?” Steve said in humorous astonishment.

“Yep. And it is stupidly soft, so I kept it. It is unfairly comfortable and I could not part ways with it.” Eddie added with a dramatic flare to avoid the creepiness of it. Steve was quiet a moment before he burst into laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Eddie asked, his giggling infecting him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m just imagining you in my sweater - the super bright yellow sweater - and it’s just so funny to me.” Steve looked like he was trying his hardest to stop laughing but he was failing miserably and it made Eddie smile like a maniac.

“You should see me in it then, if you think it’s so funny just imagining it.” Steve fell back into the pillow with a breathless laugh.

“I should. I should see you in it. You should definitely show me.”

“When we get back.” Eddie assured, grinning as he turned his gaze back to the TV. They stay like that was hours until Steve is restless enough to drag Eddie out of the house for lunch. It’s messy burgers and fries but it’s enough fuel to convince them going to the nearby arcade is a splendid, not bankrupting, idea. Eddie feels like they’re a little too old for the scene when it’s 2pm on a Saturday but Steve convinces him to verse him in every multi-player they can find until Eddie is cursing Steve’s ancestors, the man having Max’s tips under his belt.

The day passes them by so quickly and Eddie mourns it the moment the sun starts to dip. But Steve has other plans.

“It’s our last night here. You thought we’d spend it sleeping?” He says it with a pursed smile, like he’s trying to hide how excited he is to show Eddie his final surprise. The sparkle in his eye gives him away though throughout the dinner.

“I don’t trust that look.” Eddie teases and Steve shakes his head.

“You shouldn’t.”

“Oh goodie. At least I know it’ll be fun.” Eddie grinned.

He knows they’re close to the surprise when Steve starts rambling, hands tucked in his pockets. Eddie’s own hand is fidgeting with the cassette inside his jacket, a little too distracted by the fact that Steve is still wearing his shirt and a pair of ripped jeans, ones he did not give him which means Steve relented enough to buy or make a pair.

“I wasn’t sure that disco was really your scene, I mean, if you like disco that’s cool too, but I figured, I know this part of you, it’s something I’m at least eighty percent sure you’d enjoy, and if I’m wrong we can turn tail and do whatever you want instead, but I thought you’d like this instead and I-”

“Dude.” Eddie places a hand over Steve’s mouth with a grin. “I’m sure I’ll love it.”

“Good, cause we’re here.” Steve smiled nervously as he pushed away Eddie’s hand, leading him over to the doors. By the door is a sign, advertising the show. It’s a live rock show, with up and coming bands from all around Illinois and surrounding states. Eddie looked at Steve in shock.

“You got us tickets to a live show?”

“It’s your birthday. What could make you happier than your screeching music?” Steve joked, shifting from foot to foot. He was waiting for his response, Eddie realised. Just like before. Steve was looking for his approval.

Eddie smiled softly.

“It’s perfect, Stevie. Thank you.” He pulled him into a tight side hug. After a counting three breaths, Eddie let him go and grinned. “Now lets rock on, motherfucker!” He dragged him inside, Steve stumbling to follow, showing off his tickets to the rope handlers. They ripped them and allowed them in, Steve’s hand finding the sleeve of Eddie’s jacket as they came into a packed venue.

“Woah. It’s way busier than I thought it would be.” Steve said and Eddie chuckled.

“I’ll keep you out of the pit this time round, but stick close. These shows can get a little rocky when people get pumped up.” Eddie grabbed his hand and weaved them through the crowd. Looking at the people they passed by, he could see a great deal of people in casual clothing, some with denim vests, but others were elaborate images of fear. From exaggerated makeup to blacked out eyes, piercings, pins and vibrant hair in spikes. He was pretty sure one chick was just wearing fishnets with the shortest shorts he’s ever seen and her bra.

“Don’t worry, they’re relatively harmless.” Eddie joked when he saw his expression, catching the eyes of one guy with a six inch mohawk. He gave Eddie two ‘rock on’ gestures and Eddie returned it with a tongue out, obviously with his people.

Eddie gets them a fairly good spot, away from the lower ‘pit’ but still having decent visibility of the stage with their heights. It gets a little harder to keep their distance when more people arrive, the space getting tighter, and Steve’s back tingled when Eddie is so close he can feel his sigh blow across the back of his neck.

“It’s pretty packed, huh?” Eddie points out the obvious.

“Yeah. Is it always like this?” Steve asked and Eddie chuckled.

“Yeah, but usually I’m alone, so I don’t have to worry about an extra person getting an elbow to the face.”

“Quit making me worry about dumb shit.”

“Totally possible at these, man.” Eddie murmured lowly and Steve shivered. Eddie noticed the lights were dimming and bounced on his toes as the first band came onto stage. There set up was already there. The lead had a thick mustache and shaggy blond hair, all leather, and Eddie grins.

“Prepare your eardrums.” And just as he predicted, the man roared in the mic, rumbling and vibrating through them. Eddie’s body felt alight like electricity as the music crashes through the room, the purr of hell hounds in every strum of the guitarists strings. Eddie wishes he had his girl here so he could replicate the sound as it plays, eyes falling shut as the strobe lights washed over him and flashed above them, the energy from his surroundings making his bones vibrate.

This is what he loves about these shows. The pure energy of them, the way the music lifts you from your body and brings you crashing down back into reality with a newfound sense of fuck the system. Fuck the world, fuck the politicians, fuck the people who hurt you.

Fuck it all and take that rage deep inside and use it for your own gain. Eddie’s head is filled with the sheer joy that that feeling alone brings, throwing his head back and letting it flow through every vein.

He brought his head forehead, planting it on Steve’s shoulder as the music dies and another song begins, building and building. He’s invaded by the faint scent of apples and the smell of sweat, burying his nose in it without a second thought. He’s so close to Steve right now, so close to his ripped jeans and his nice smell and soft hair, and he’s wearing his shirt.

His hands find his hips under the jacket, sliding around to hug his middle as the music thunders with his heart. Steve is here, with him, trying to endure screaming and too loud music, and Eddie is just so in love with him it hurts because how did he get blessed with such a nice fucking guy who spends his damn money on him and takes him to Chicago for his birthday? Eddie can’t understand it for the life of him.

He felt Steve flinch, felt his head turn, and he can vaguely feel the tremor of him speaking, but it’s too loud to hear anything. But Eddie knows he’s done something bad, crossed a line when Steve starts to turn, to face him, and he doesn’t even want to face himself right now.

Steve’s twists at the waist to look at him, those doe brown eyes wide and imploring as strobe lights illuminated his silhouette in red and blue. He’s close, too close, with noses brushing as Eddie stared at Steve staring at him. His heart is in overdrive and seconds from giving out, trying to think of an excuse, a joke, something to excuse how obviously in love he is with Steve Harrington, but Steve’s gaze fell. He waits for the man to push him away and he squints as a light catches his eyes, Steve washed in pure white.

And as the bass buzzes lowly through the room, Eddie is kissed by a daydream.

#steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #eddie munson x steve harrington #stranger things #stranger things 4 #st4 #stranger things fic

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bts-teaspoonff · 4 years ago

Text

Fangirl pt. 2

Genre: Romance, Slow Burn, Idol A/U

Pairing: BTS OT7 x reader

Rating: PG

Summary: Y/N, being a huge fangirl, finally got her chance to work alongside her favorite idol group as a backup dancer. She gets to know each member personally and realizes that her feelings may be more than fangirl-idol attraction.

Word Count: 4K

Taglist: @nochujeonjk

PARTS: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | ... masterlist

“Hey there, early bird! I missed you!” As I was patting off the dust from my backside, my slight irritation was gone as my brother rushed to give me a big hug. We barely see each other nowadays, now that I live alone. We used to live together but he moved in with his girlfriend around three months ago. We used to be two peas in a pod, never leaving each other’s side. Best friends. I don’t hate that he moved out, though. I actually learned to be a lot more independent due to that, and I gained a new friend which was his girlfriend. She’s older than us by two years so I guess I gained an older sister through him. “Did you eat breakfast? Or maybe brunch?” he peeked at his watch as he continues to hug me.

“Only a roll of kimbap from the aunty across my building. I don’t want to eat a lot when I’m nervous.” I giggled as I release him from my arms.

He exclaimed with his mouth agape. “Right. You tend to vomit when you’re really nervous.” He pats my shoulder and escorted me up the steps and through the doors. “Don’t worry, they’ll love you. Those guys are really nice, but I can’t say anything about your new teammates since they’re new as well. Let’s just pray they treat you well.” He pats my head in adoration. We arrived at the front desk and I proceeded to ask for Mina. She gave me a visitor’s ID and my brother broke my conversation with her when she offered to give me directions, telling that he’ll escort me on the floor where I’m needed instead.

We exited the elevator and he directed me to a hallway with huge glass door at the end. We turned and maneuvered our way to another hallway with two huge frosted glass. He pushed the door and I could see the whole floor until the other end of the building, with rows of cubicles and people with eyes glued to their screens. A beautiful, cozy and conducive workplace. Some were huddling and discussing, and a few of them were chatting and exchanging laughs. Jiyong pulled my hand and we increased our pace. “I want you to meet my team.”

I was greeted by somewhat familiar faces as I recognize them from my last video call with my brother. Three men and two women were chatting around a circular table in a small room. Some of them got up from their seats as my brother entered the room with me following him behind.

“Wow. Now that we see you in person, you both really look alike. That’s amazing.” One female rushed to my brother’s side, pushed him against me, and gazed at our faces. I stared at my brother and he also stared back. We both chortle as we both felt amused with his workmates. We grew up used to people amazed with us looking so similar to each other, being identical twins. I spent a few moments with my brother’s workmates and they congratulated me as they discover that I’ll work for the same company along them. They gave lots of advices, tips and whatnots to make work life here easier. My brother proceeded to excuse both of us out the room, across the huge office space and back to the elevator.

“I know you don’t want to eat but let me at least get you coffee or something small to bite. I don’t think you had coffee yet, and we both know how you function without it.” I actually forgot to make coffee for myself back at home or even dropped by my favorite coffee shop along the way. I was too nervous to actually remember. “Relax sis.” He giggled as he rubbed his hands on my shoulder, pushing me inside the elevator.

He escorted me to the cafeteria in the lobby. He offered to pay and I obliged. I ordered a really huge cup of Iced Americano and he ordered his coffee and snack. I missed spending quality time like this with my brother, though brief. I glanced at my watch and it was already 9:40 am. I gulped down my coffee within 5 minutes, almost choking with how swift I finished it. I pushed his arm to alert him to hurry as he was supposed to escort me to where the meeting is.

I arrived just outside of the room. I was staring at the frosted glass with my hand frozen inches away from the doorknob. Upon opening, I was met with turning heads and stares from girls sitting around on the floor of the dance practice room. I guess they’re the newly hired female backup dancers. Great, they all know each other already. Maybe they all belong in a dance crew? Why am I nervous?

“Nice to meet you everyone.” I bowed as I slowly trot towards them. “Are you here for the meeting as well?” A few of them stood up quickly and bowed back.

A fellow dancer that I didn’t notice at the far right side of the room bowed as well. We all exchanged introductions as they offered me to sit with them. They all seem nice and friendly. Ages were asked and it turns out I’m the maknae out of all the 15 dancers here inside the room. I also discovered that half of us were part of the same street dance crew, five were former backup dancers of other idols and I’m the only sole dancer without a crew.

Two men came inside the dance room and talked to us for around 2 hours. I’m guessing they’re the dance directors. They informed us that even though they accepted us as a part of the dance team already, they’ll be asking us to participate at a live evaluation later today with freestyle dance. I looked around the room and I was more nervous than ever. I felt slightly intimidated by the presence of all these seasoned dancers. Deep down in my mind, I think I’m out of my league here. I got myself into a situation where I’m the least experienced out of everyone.

As the main choreographers continue to talk, I couldn’t hold in my pee. I really need to go to the restroom right now but I’m too shy to excuse myself out. “Why did I have to gulp down a huge cup of coffee just before this meeting? This is so not helping with my nerves.” To my luck, they concluded the meeting and excused themselves out of the room to leave all of us to prepare for the live evaluation. I bolted out of the room in search for a restroom. I faintly recalled a sight of a restroom just across the hallway. I ran past a practice room, blasting to Fake Love and a few chatters and laugh. I unconsciously hummed to the song in my head, closing my eyes for a moment as I ran to the restroom.

I opened my eyes and didn’t grasp the second I bumped into someone in front of the restroom signs dividing the female and male rooms. My backside embraced the floor once more.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t see…” To my luck, the person I bumped into was…

“Yoongi hyung. Should we...?” Jimin quickly came out from the male restroom just behind Yoongi, whom I’ve bumped into. Yoongi was looking at me, examining my face and slowly recollecting the memory from this morning.

“You again? I thought I told you to watch where you’re going.” He just stood there as I rub my backside. He was about to bend down and reach his hand out but Jimin quickly offered to lift me up. I gladly obliged but shit, my butt really hurts. I forced a smile as I tried to hide my winces from the pain.

“Are you okay?” Jimin asked, hands still on my forearm and looking at my face. I felt bashful from his gesture. I realized that a BTS member just helped me up. His skin is so smooth that it looked like ceramic, and such adorable cheeks that I just want to pinch.

“Thank you so much.” I bowed as I respectfully removed my hand from Jimin. I could still feel Yoongi staring while my head was down.

“Are you… an employee here?” Yoongi asked with a tone different from how he spoke to me this morning just outside the building. I stood up straight and saw Jimin with a bright smile, also waiting for my response. He placed his arm on Yoongi’s shoulder.

“I’m new here, just today actually.” My eyes were glued to both of them, realizing that I was in front of two BTS members. An opportunity beyond my wildest dreams. I’m actually conversing with them and not just me talking into thin air to their posters and cut-outs. “Backup dancer.” Jimin’s face lit up with a grin split across his face.

“I didn’t know the evaluation will be today.” Jimin removed his arm from Yoongi and bowed down. “Looking forward to working with you.” I was surprised with Jimin’s enthusiasm. I bowed back a second after him. Standing up straight, I looked at Yoongi. He looked like he wants to say something, with his mouth slightly open.

“It’s such an honor to meet you both but I’m sorry, I really need to use the restroom.” I excused myself quickly to the restroom. I rushed inside and closed the door.

Jimin placed his arm back on Yoongi’s shoulder and they both walked back to the practice room where the other members are. “Feels like I want to watch the evaluation. Do you want to join me?”

“I still have to finish up my demo in the studio. Why not ask Hobi?”

“That’s a good idea actually.” Jimin giggled at the excitement. There’s also a thought inside his mind why he felt slight familiarity when he saw your face. He doesn’t recall where he saw you or if you have worked together before. He let the thought occupy him for a few moments before pushing it aside as he goes inside the practice room.

“Hey Jimin, look at this!” Taehyung beckoned Jimin to see the video playing on his mobile. J-hope was reaching for a cup of water from the dispenser at the side of the room while chatting with RM, who was trying to catch his breath. Jin and Jungkook were going through some of the steps in front of the mirror.

“Hobi-hyung. Today’s the evaluation for the new female backup dancers.” Jimin called as he was walking to Taehyung. Hobi was alerted to Jimin’s call. “Want to watch?”

“I’m sure our presence won’t help with the nerves of the dancers. Better to watch next time.” Hobi finished his cup of water and brushed his fingers through his hair as he discarded the cup. Jimin was intrigued once more by the thought of the familiarity from your face. He couldn’t put his finger where he saw you. He was sure that he must have at least saw your face once or twice.

“Hey, look at this.” Taehyung pouted and pulled on Jimin’s shirt to ask him to join him on the floor. Jimin followed.

…..

While I was waiting for my turn for the evaluation, my encounter with Jimin and Yoongi kept repeating in my mind. I get to meet BTS members twice in one day. Too bad that it both started with me slumped on the floor. Jimin’s ethereal blonde hair with his adorable grin and Yoongi with his cool demeanor. I never thought I’ll get to meet them on my first day here.

“Next, Y/N” Interrupting my daydream, I heard the female dance director call my name. I stood off the floor and walked to the middle of the room, facing the dance directors. The other dancers, who finished their evaluations, were silently cheering for me at the back. “We’ll let you dance to a hip-hop piece and an additional dance piece afterwards.” I curled my hand at my side and waited for the song to start. I could feel the stares of the dance directors, anticipating me to start as well.

The first beat started to blast across the room and I felt a smirk plastered across my face. I’m sure the dance directors saw it as well. I recognized the song and let the beat take over my body. I could feel my hair whipping around as I pop my body to each beat. I recall the times when I would enjoy dancing to random songs late at night with my fellow dance teachers at the dance studio. Dancing like this, I really felt like I’m in my own world. With every slow beat, I could feel my body rolling and with every strong beat, I let myself pop.

The song lasted a minute before the dance director asked to stop it. The other dancers were clapping their hands so loud that I was broken from my euphoria from dancing. I could feel that my cheeks were burning from their enthusiasm. I went back to my shy posture with both hands at my side, trying my best to catch my breath. I could see smiles from the dance directors as they exchanged words and looked at my folder. My eyes roamed the room when something caught my attention. Someone was watching from the door, both arms across his chest and with a grin that felt like sunshine.

“Hoseok? Are you here to watch?” One of the dance directors noticed J-hope standing at the door. Semi-silent gasps were heard from the other dancers as they take in the presence of the BTS member. J-hope just smiled with his cheeks high up while he walks towards the dance directors’ table. Jimin popped in soon after, skipping towards J-hope.

“We just finished our practice. Jimin thought it would be nice to pop in. Is it okay to observe for a while?” Hoseok pulled out a chair for him and Jimin. They both sat down and looked ahead. I froze in place. I can’t feel my hands. My gaze went to the other female dancers and I could see that they were really trying hard to hide their amazement that Jimin and J-hope appeared before us. I looked back to J-hope and Jimin. Usually, I would scream and jump from where I’m standing. I would cheer their names and maybe even take out a banner, but not today. I am standing in front of them, waiting for my turn to dance to whatever song the dance directors chose next. I cannot control my nerves as of the moment. It’s taking over me, hindering all movements I thought of. I can’t feel my fingers. This is it, this is the end of this chance. I won’t be hired as a backup dancer if I can’t move and handle this pressure. I thought all of this nonstop.

“Y/N, you may start.” I heard the female dance director and it horrified me as I begin to hear the music. Looks like the music has already started for some time now. The faces of the other dancers were of worry and confusion. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This is my only chance. I should redeem myself. As I absorb the music, I was met by familiarity and bliss. I had already performed this song as a modern dance piece when I was a student along with my fellow students in the dance department.

Slowly, I let the music take over my body from my core until the tips of my fingers. Like a graceful swan, I flew across the room. I slid on the floor and stood up with an elegant smooth body roll. Jumps that took no effort and landing so sophisticated that it almost didn’t make any sound. I was eager to get this job and I gave everything. The room felt blacked out with just myself in the middle of it, being in the bright spotlight. The moment the song stopped, reality swiftly hit me. I was back in the practice room being evaluated by dance directors, observed by two BTS members and cheered on by other enthusiastic and supportive dancers.

Being the shy duckling I am, I stood straight like a soldier with both hands at the side. All the dance directors were still staring at me and both J-hope and Jimin were nodding in approval. Despite my horrible start, I’m so glad I redeemed myself. I could explode right now from the amount of emotions flooding through me. Now that I’ve finished the evaluation, I found myself staring at the two BTS members. Jimin with his dark grey loose shirt, black FILA track pants, Balenciaga bag swung across his chest, and cool dangling earpieces. J-hope in a peach flowy long-sleeve top with a green vest, brown baseball cap loosely hanging on top his head and brown shorts that shows his toned legs. They were both conversing when I felt Jimin’s long stares directed at me. He looks slightly intrigued but nevertheless, stares from this man could kill. I felt flushed and let my eyes wander elsewhere.

“Thank you Y/N. Next please.” I bowed and rushed towards the back of the room, joining the other dancers. I was met by praises from the other dancers. My heart felt warm from all the affirmation the others were giving me but I was still bothered by the stares from Jimin. I looked at him once more and he’s still staring at me. He studied my face and smiled when he saw me getting shy from his stares. I turned my head away and looked in front towards the next dancer.

Both of them stayed for a while before excusing themselves out of the room. Some of the dancers were whispering that they’re sad that two of the boys are now not in our presence. I admit that I’m a bit sad too but I can finally breath and relax. Despite being so nervous with them present during my evaluation, I was elated that they were here inside the room as me. I’m lying if I say that my heart wasn’t pounding furiously. I’m just trying to be professional here but I’m still a big fangirl at heart.

…..

“Are you okay? You’ve been too occupied by your thoughts since a while ago.” Hoseok asked Jimin as he sips from his juice. Jungkook and Taehyung who were sitting across the two boys, eating their post-practice snack, were intrigued by J-hope’s question. They noticed Jimin was staring away with his brows furrowed.

“I really think that I saw that backup dancer somewhere but I can’t put my finger on it. Her face looks too familiar.” Jimin sipped his juice through a straw.

“Which backup dancer? The first one?” Hoseok studied Jimin’s face. Jimin nods. “I haven’t seen someone dance like that in a long time. Her passion just captivates you and pulls you in. I can’t wait to work with her and all the other dancers.” Hoseok beamed with hope as he recalls your evaluation performance.

“Also, the modern dance piece that she did felt familiar as well. I could actually feel my body dancing with her but I couldn’t remember where or when I danced to that song.” Jimin admitted.

“Did you watch the whole evaluation?” Jungkook asked the two. Taehyung kept on scrolling through his social media.

“We only watched a few but they were good.” Jimin replied, getting a smile from Hoseok.

“Yeah, especially the one you’re trying so hard to remember. You were staring at her, did you know that? It’s a shocker that she did not melt from your stares.” Jimin turned to Hoseok, surprised by his hyung’s revelation.

“Really? Oh no hyung, I’m too embarrassed by myself. I really didn’t know.” Jimin covered his face with both his hands.

“What made you embarrassed?” Yoongi comes up behind them with an Iced Americano cupped in his hands.

“You remember the girl that bumped into you when went to the restroom? Hobi-hyung and I saw her evaluation and I didn’t realize that I was staring at her the whole time. He just pointed this out to me now.” Jimin, still with a hand covering half his face. “Hobi-hyung, you should’ve told me to stop or something. That’s too embarrassing.”

Yoongi sat down on a vacant chair beside Taehyung. “Actually, I need to apologize to her as well.” The four boys turned their heads to Yoongi looking all confused. Taehyung was about to ask him for the reason but he was soon cut off by Jimin.

“Was it because she bumped into you outside the restroom? And you didn’t help her up?” Yoongi’s face became a bit darker, frowning.

“We already bumped into each other the first time this morning. I was so pissed off about something that I just ignored her and walked away. The second time was with you, Jimin.” Yoongi sipped his coffee once more, contemplating on his actions. He admits that despite being so pissed at something, he should’ve at least shown decency and helped you up. Now that he knows he’s probably going to see you around and work with you, he felt awkward thinking back on how disrespectful he was towards you.

“Wow. You’ve met this woman today and she’s already bumped into you twice, Suga-hyung. She also made Jimin-hyung bothered and Hobi-hyung eager to work with her after seeing her dance. Now I’m interested in meeting her.” Jungkook jokingly teased his elder members as he chows down his sandwich.

…..

After the evaluation, we were told that they will be contacting us again after a few days and if deemed unworthy by the other dance directors from their opinions on our evaluation, we will be informed if we passed or not. Apparently, our positions on the dance team is not final. I still have to wait for a few days to know my fate. All the dance directors walked out the room and all of the other dancers started packing up their stuff. Some of them walked up to me and praised me for my performance. They also teased me that they were afraid that I was so caught up with my nerves when the two BTS members walked in during my evaluation. They said that if it was them, they would be so nervous as well and commended me for still giving a wonderful performance despite my obvious stumble when the music started.

One by one, the dancers head home. I glanced at my watch and was surprised with how fast time flies. It’s already 4 in the afternoon. I phoned my brother to check on him.

“You done with work? We just finished and everyone went home. Can we eat out? I need some company, I feel so drained. My treat.” I stayed in front of the door out the practice room as I swiftly typed in my message.

Thinking back, I haven’t had the time to process what a whirlwind this day was. It started on a bad first meeting with Suga (which was definitely my fault), a surprise evaluation from the dance team, bumping into Suga again (still my fault. By the way, I really need to be careful from now on) and meeting Jimin in the most unappealing places ever, impressed the dance directors but absolutely botched the second dance when Jimin and J-hope came in to watch, and finally, I’m still not sure if I’ll get this job or not because I still have to wait for their mail. I’m so proud of myself that I’m still standing up straight. Thinking about it just makes my knees buckle. I can barely hold myself straight due to my nerves before when I try to dance in front of other people or even when I met BTS once at a fan meet. I should give myself a pat on the back. Yup, I deserve that for getting out of my comfort zone and not making myself look like an idiot in front of everyone.

“Your treat? I’m about to finish. Wait for me.” My brother replied. I laughed so hard. Bribing each other with food is truly our signature move. Not that I’m complaining but you can never say no to free food.

“Korean Barbeque it is.”

Next part: 3

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leo-interactive-fiction · 4 years ago

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hey so uhhhhhhhhhhh idunnoifyou'regoodatthisbutcanyouwritefluffonthewholedormcelebratingMC'sbirthdaythanksokaybye

Haha, I can try my best

-- HAPPY BIRTHDAY --

The chorus of voices hit you like a sizable truck as you flick on the lights to the dorm. The crowd of faces beams at you, with the brightest making the first step towards you.

“Happy birthday, Anon,” E echos quietly as they hop into a soft embrace, “Last time we celebrated, I didn’t imagine the next year would take us out of Hearth. But I’m happy I was able to at least stay together with you.”

“Yes, yes,” Raven takes the opportunity to sidle between you as soon as E creates the smallest of gaps, grasping your hands with a desperately tight grip, “I have something for you. Something nice. Something--”

Their grip slips as you’re forcefully pulled away and locked into a loose armlock with M, who gives an icy smile to Raven, “Too...slow...I have...a very...special...present...to give to our...birthday anon...”

As raven attempts to claim your other arm, P scrapes them off of you with a harsh snap, “Stop screwing around! We still need to cut the cake.”

“Oh...you’re only...saying that...because you made it...” M gives their twin a teasing smile, “Are you...hoping...they’ll like it...?”

P bares their teeth, “I told you not to say shit, you idiot. It doesn’t matter who made it! Just eat it!”

“Heyoo-- Oop--” S stumbles into P as they carry a set of drinks, handing one to you with a wide grin, “Ya gotta let loose once in a while, yeah? This calls for a toast! To uhhh, agin’! Hell yeah!” They down a shot and immediately reach for another before it’s swiped by R, who holds it out of range.

“I think perhaps you’ve had enough,” Shooing the loudly groaning desert dweller away, they turn to you with a simple smile, “Everything you’ve ever hoped for? Can’t say it’s a group I’d join willingly, but we all play the cards we’re dealt, don’t we? Most of us, anyway,” they wink

“Indeed. It offers a splendid opportunity to learn from the various cultures I’ve yet to familiarize myself with,” the Hospian enters the conversation awkwardly, with a nervous tint to their voice.

R hands them the drink, shooting an amused grin as they step away, “You could stand to loosen that rigidity. It’s a party, not an interview: there’s no one to impress here.”

“Ah, they are right, I’m sorry. Though, um,” they clutch the glass with both hands, holding it as though it was a toxic substance, “I am not really one for...partaking. Oh! I nearly forgot to give you my good wishes properly.” They bow deeply, “I hope this celebration may provide some form of respite for you. I know V was working on something for you. I believe they went outside.”

On your way out, F lounges by the door, arms crossed. They give you a faint acknowledgment, “This little reception is barely candle flame to the roaring blaze of a Frenzian function. Still, it has a certain appeal...Cute, even. Quite fitting for a lapdog,” F chuckles lightly, clearly amused as they brush past you, “Even I may make time to play with my pets. I will be seeing you soon enough.”

Outside, V straightens to attention as a piece of paper flutters in their hand. Handing it over, you find a number of curved arches with notches made at specific points. “It’s a ballistic chart,” they explain slowly, “I was testing a new weapon. I will show you later.”

V’s attention moves to everyone exiting the dorm and E waving a camera.

“We need a group photo! This is a great spot, right between the dorms!”

F upturns their nose, “I don’t recall an agreement exiting my mouth.”

“Shut up, daisy queen,” P snarls, “If I’m doing it, so are you.”

“I expect nothing less than professional quality, then,” F calls to E in a warning tone, “I pray I’ve made myself clear. You’re undertaking a great honor.”

E gives an agreeable laugh as they set up the timer and everyone groups up into the frame.

“Everyone say cheese!”

A flash emits, capturing a moment suspended in time upon the loose card that slides out. E shakes it into development while everyone crowds overhead.

“Not too shabby,” R muses at their photogenic smile before noticing a small detail with a laugh, “Looking very professional, your highness.”

“What?” F leans closer, narrowing their eyes at the pair of fingers making bunny ears over the royal’s head, tracing the arm back to S, turning on them furiously. “How dare you attempt to soil my image! I demand a retake! And I will deal with you later.” F levels maliciously at S, who laces their hands behind their head casually.

“What? I ain’t done nothin’. I had to stretch, ya know?”

As L glances at the photo, a small frown reaches their face at V’s blank visage staring hollowly at the camera, “V, you’re supposed to smile for these.”

“Smile?”

“Like this!” E displays the same sunny expression they held in the picture. When V tries to match it, they instead display their teeth in an awkward, ghastly snarl.

“That’s good!” Raven beams

“What the hell? No, it’s not!” P puts a halt on the practice quickly, “Just let them be. Not everyone needs to do it.”

“Of course...you’d say that...” M calls out with a small grin, “You didn’t...smile either...even though...it was kind of...your idea--”

P clamps a hand on M’s mouth with a hiss, “It was not. I just reminded E to do it.”

“I dunno, ya seemed kinda excepted,” S returns, “Ya nearly shoved me out for it.”

“Because you wouldn’t fucking get outside,” P seethes, shooing everyone away, “Whatever. It’s not my day anyway. Why don’t you go bother Anon?”

Everyone turns towards you with contented expressions as the photo falls into your hands, the visages of your loved ones showering the image with color as they crowd around you in the center frame.

--- End

I hope ya enjoyed the little short story. I had some inspiration for it haha. Thank ya for the ask!

#triaina academy #short story #happy birthday

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nugnthopkns · 4 years ago

Text

take the sadness out of saturday night

word count: 2.8k

warnings: insinuated fem!reader, a couple of curse words, alcohol consumption, vaguely described feelings of inadequacy

recommended listening: chinatown | bleachers featuring bruce springsteen

a/n: will i ever write anything more than 3k? probs not. also this baby is completely self indulgent but i don’t even care

All you want to do is sleep. Or drink an entire bottle of wine. Maybe both.

Graduate school is a lot harder than you expected it to be. You obviously weren’t naïve enough to think it be as easy as your undergrad, but you didn’t think it would be like this. It’s competitive; with people doing whatever it takes to get ahead. You’ve almost had your thesis topic stolen twice. The workload is also incredibly different. Gone are the days of small tests and assignments: everything relies on your thesis paper being of the utmost quality. You feel like you’re drowning in the middle of the ocean.

Today was the worst in a succession of terrible days. On the way to campus you dropped your coffee but didn’t have enough time to get another one. The conditions didn’t get any better once you reached school. Your lunch got left behind on the kitchen island and your advisor didn’t show up for your meeting, putting you another two weeks behind schedule. To top it off, you left campus later than usual and caught in the horrendous Philadelphia traffic. By the time you reach your apartment complex you’re thoroughly exhausted and two seconds away from crying.

How you can afford your current lodging is beyond you. Tuition is waived by the university, which certainly helps, but you’re mostly relying on loans. It will be a bitch to pay off in a few years, but you don’t have any other option. The building isn’t ridiculously flashy, with semi-outdated furnishing, but it’s in a central location that anyone in Philly would kill for. Every day you wake up grateful there isn’t an eviction notice on your door; though you’re very careful to pay rent on time. Only the small lamp in the entryway is on when you unlock the door, but you keep it that way. Kicking off your sneakers and haphazardly hanging up your jacket, you shuffle into the bedroom portion of the studio. The pyjamas tucked under the pillow are calling your name, and it feels so good to free yourself of business casual clothing.

The next stop on your mad-dash around in order to plant yourself on the couch as quickly as possible is the bathroom. You scrub your face vigorously, knowing you’ll pay for it in a few days when a breakout appears, but you can’t find it within you to care. It feels so good to be clean and in control of a situation. The kitchen is where you meander to next, filling the largest glass you can find with rosé. A bag of candy is grabbed as well, and then you’re tucking yourself into the corner of the couch and piling on the blankets. You open Netflix and briefly debate what to watch before deciding on something you’ve seen a million times before that won’t require your full attention.

Half an hour into the film you get hungry, but with no ambition to cook for yourself. Take out it is. You place an order at your favourite sushi joint and lazily return your gaze to the T.V. The scene on the screen no longer appeals to you, so you dig around the cushions to find your phone. It’s been a while since you’ve called your mom and you know she’s been missing you; truth be told you miss her a resounding amount. Philadelphia is a long ways from home and you can’t afford to travel often. Not being near your pillar of support is definitely wearing on you. She picks up on the fifth ring.

“Hello?”

A tear slips out at the sound of her voice. Yours catches in your throat slightly, and your response is garbled. “Mom,” it breaks at the end, and the tears quickly turn into a waterfall.

“Oh honey,” she sighs, chest filling with pain at your apparent despair. “What’s the matter?”

You sob for a minute or two before it subsides enough for you to actually speak. Through hiccups and sniffles you detail your horrible week, and the one before that for good measure. Your mom stays silent, listening with intent, and the one sided conversation eventually turns into you fretting about how you feel inadequate in your academic community and how you can’t picture a future. Only once you’ve ran out of words does she speak, negating the argument put in place by your imposter syndrome and doing her best to inflate your ego.

“You’ve earned your seat at the table Y/N,” she says with conviction. “I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you deserve to be there. You’re cut out for this; no one is more passionate about their work than you.”

Another hiccup slips past your lips as you respond. “Thanks Mom.”

You don’t have to see her to know she’s sporting a smile. “We’re so proud of you honey, and always will be. No matter what you decide to do. Hell, you could move to Peru to become an alpaca farmer and your dad and I would be the happiest parents on Earth.”

The comment is meant to make you laugh, citing the time you called her during your undergrad to inform her you were dropping out and moving to the Andes. It works. You can’t help it, and have to admit it feels good after days of negative feelings. She distracts you further, recounting a story about your youngest brother’s recent baseball game that ended with a trip to the hospital after an unfortunate sliding incident. You wince at the mention of the basemen’s cleat colliding with his ankle, and chuckle when she talks about Connor singing showtunes in the recovery room. The story swapping continues, and it brings comfort. If you close your eyes you can envision yourself sitting on your mom’s bed, hiding your face in a pillow when anything embarrassing happens.

A knock at your door ends your conversation, and the sadness slowly trickles back into your bones. “Mom, I’ve gotta go. The delivery person is here.”

“Okay sweetie. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Having lost track of time, you’re wildly unprepared to pay for your food. “One minute,” you yell in the direction of the front door, praying the person on the other side heard you. You root around your wallet for the appropriate amount of cash before sliding across the floor and unlocking the door handle. The person standing there is not in fact a food delivery service worker, but your neighbour from across the hall, holding what you presume to be your dinner.

“Nolan?”

To say you’re shocked is an understatement. Though you’d go as far to say the two of you are casual acquaintances, he’s never shown up unannounced on your doorstep. Most of your interactions take place in the elevator or hallway, and you’ve only been inside his apartment once when you left your keys in your advisor’s office. Being a professional hockey player means he typically isn’t around a lot, but you had learned from a friend he’s spending the season sidelined by an injury. He still hasn’t been around a lot from what you could tell.

His low rumble catches you off guard for a millisecond but it doesn’t take long to adjust. “They, uh, sent it to the wrong door,” he mumbles, holding out the bag to illustrate his point.

“Fuck,” you swear. “Sorry. How much do I owe you?” A ballpark figure is in your brain, but you aren’t above throwing in a few extra dollars for the inconvenience. No one wants to receive their neighbour’s food.

Nolan shakes his head profusely and shoves his hands in his pockets when you try to slip the money into them. “It’s on the house,” he shrugs. “Think of it as an apology for being a shit neighbour these past couple of months.”

“You’re a great neighbour Nolan. I have no complaints.” He returns your smile but doesn’t speak. An awkward tension fills the air between you, almost as if each of you is waiting for the other to talk.

“Well I’ll let you –”

“Would you like some company?”

The question stops you dead in your tracks. A look of bewilderment must appear on your face because Nolan starts blabbering. “It’s just that you looked upset when you came to the door, like you’ve been crying. I can also see the nearly empty bottle of wine on the counter and that’s never a good sign.” He pauses for a second to take a breath before blurting out a final sentence. “And there’s a game tonight and if I don’t distract myself from it I think I might die.” Ragged breathing punctuates the sudden stoppage, and when you look up to meet his eyes you feel a sense of desperation.

Without saying anything you open the door wider and retreat into the unit, hoping he gets the hint. It takes him all of two seconds to follow you, quickly darting across the hall to lock his door. You’re at the fridge when he returns, and turn around to ask him what he’d like to drink.

“It seems like an alcohol kind of night,” you chuckle. “What are you having?”

He looks at you sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck. “Could I have a glass of that rosé?”

You nod and gesture for him to pass you the bottle. “Never pegged you as a wine drinker,” you comment as you fill his cup.

“Travis teases me relentlessly so I don’t keep it at the house anymore. Can only drink it in private.”

At the mention of his teammate’s name you understand. It’s exhausting to fit into someone’s mould of you. “Your secret is safe with me.”

The two of you migrate to the couch and once again become shrouded in silence. It’s comfortable this time, as you nurse your glasses and watch the skyline. Just having someone by your side is enough to quell the upset you’ve felt all day. You wonder why you hadn’t sought Nolan out sooner. It seems he’s been in a similar situation; having terrible days and feeling alone. Conversation only comes once he realizes both your drinks are empty. Nolan opens the fridge to find one more bottle of wine; a cheap, fruity one that’s meant to taste like a cooler. It’s strawberry flavoured, which equal parts thrills and disgusts him. He’s thrown back to his first high school party, when this was the only alcohol he could get his friends’ older sisters to buy him.

“I feel like I’m sixteen again,” he laughs, not bothering to fill his glass. Instead, he swigs from the bottle before reaching over the back of the couch and placing in your lap. You follow his lead, drinking directly from the vessel.

“Don’t judge me,” you huff. “I like the way it tastes.”

Nolan gazes sideways at you before dropping his voice to a near whisper. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

In a streak of boldness that came from god knows where, you place a hand on top of his. He doesn’t retract but doesn’t push forward either. You’re too scared to do anything else, and soon retract your hand and place it in your lap. “So,” you cough. “You need a distraction?”

☀☀☀☀

One comedy special turned into three, and it’s safe to say both you and Nolan are feeling exponentially better than when he knocked on your door. The alcohol flowed until you ran out, but neither of you are drunk. Perhaps tipsy; most definitely content. It’s so nice to enjoy someone’s company without the pressure of maintaining a perfect appearance. Nolan must feel it too, because he slowly begins to open up, talking about his career and ambitions for a life after hockey. You sit quietly, much like your mother had done hours before, as he describes his frustration with the migraines and how he yearns to bond with his teammates.

“I’m just so scared this is it, that I’m done,” he hiccups.

You tentatively shuffle closer to him, looking for signs that he’s uncomfortable. Once you’re squished beside him, shoulder to shoulder, you take yet another page from your mother’s book. “If tonight is a good indicator of who you are, then you, Nolan Patrick, are going to be just fine. Seems to me that this is nothing but a bump in the road. You’re destined for greatness.”

He smiles, possibly the first completely real one he’s given you all night, and it reaches his eyes. “You really think that?”

“Absolutely. Wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t believe it to be true. You see, in my line of work, truth is of the utmost importance.”

At Nolan’s incessant prodding you talk about school, your thesis, and what you hope to achieve. It doesn’t sting the way you thought it would, possibly because you’re speaking to someone who’s completely enamored with the topic. Academia clearly fascinates Nolan, though he makes it clear he has no interest in joining the community. The only way you can describe the feeling of explaining everything to him is refreshing; he asks insightful questions about your research and isn’t bogged down by the technicalities like so many of your fellow scholars. When you’ve exhausted all you can say and Nolan’s ‘poked’ holes in all of your theories, he gets a serious look and turns so your body is framed by his.

In this position there’s no denying how attractive he is. Of course you’ve always found him easy to look at when you passed in the halls, but knowing him as intimately as you now do makes you realize how much you like him. “Come to a game with me?” he asks.

Your rhythm is once again thrown off by the man in front of you. “A game?”

Nolan nods enthusiastically. “A game. I’ve been meaning to go to one for a while, but I can’t find the courage to go alone. The next home game is on Tuesday, but we can obviously go to another one when it fits your schedule. If you want to come, that is.”

He’s yet to be this excited about hockey all night, and who are you to deny your newfound friend something he wants so badly? “Tuesday’s perfect Nolan.” He pumps his fist in happiness and you giggle at his antics.

“I’m so happy I could kiss you.” It slips out before he realizes, and the shock on his face lets you know it was an accident.

“You can if you want.”

You’re surprised at your own boldness, but don’t have much time to read into what the statement could mean because Nolan’s leaning in to rest his forehead against yours.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

The moment his lips touch yours it feels like a homecoming. He’s gentle but firm, letting you know he doesn’t want this to be a one time thing without saying anything at all. Nolan brings to you a sort of warmth that settles in your chest that makes you truly content with how life is going. You lose yourself in him, letting your heart steer the ship. He never waivers from you, only pulling back slightly to card his fingers through your hair. They settle at the nape of your neck and make shivers tingle your spine. You’re impossibly close, but you wish it would never end. After what feels like a millennia you break apart, chests heaving slightly from the lack of oxygen.

You can’t find the words, but you know you never want to be without Nolan again. All the anguish you experienced earlier feels light years away after a few short hours of truly knowing him. It seems that he’s on the same page, because Nolan makes no effort to remove himself from the situation. In fact, he seems perfect content to never move again: arm comfortably around your shoulder as he places a chaste kiss to the crown of your head.

“So is Tuesday a date now?” You squeak, voice small. You’re worried you’ve ruined the moment, but he cuts off your overthinking with a squeeze your bicep.

“It’s whatever you want it to be,” he replies, and you know he means it.

You can’t help yourself and slot your lips against his once again. “I’d like that a lot. There’s one condition though: I want to meet Gritty.”

Nolan’s laugh echoes off the walls and sounds like the sweetest melody you’ve ever heard. “Think I can manage to pencil you in to the schedule. It has a soft spot for me.”

As he reaches for the remote to put on highlights of the game that’s well over, you shuffle to rest your head comfortably in his lap. Your fingers find his and lazily combine. Nolan mumbles something you don’t quite catch, something about a play Travis made, but you hum in agreement anyways. He’s most likely right. Your eyes begin to droop, and as you fall asleep you forget why you were even sad in the first place.

☀☀☀☀

taglist: @jamiedrysdales if you want to be added shoot me an ask :)

#nolan patrick imagine #nolan patrick x reader #nolan patrick fic #philadelphia flyers imagine #hockey imagine #hockey fic #nhl imagine #nhl fic #cwrites

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fktonofwhatnow · 4 years ago

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ok hold on. acomaf is my fave book out of the whole series (it's mostly out of emotional value, i read it when i was younger and didn't have a real understanding out trauma and abuse only that i saw a character i loved getting out of a bad situation and getting happy) so obviously i didn't mind feysand being endgame and the development all of the characters had. i can accept tamlin turned out like that is realistic due to his trauma, i can accept feyre had to flee because it wasn't right for her, but the thing is after acofs i see no point to feyre leaving tamlin when rhysand ends up doing everything they told us tamlin was evil and unredeemable for. hiding the risks of her pregnancy, putting on shields on her, having feyre need to compromise over it. i honestly felt so betrayed by that. i'm not saying feyre and tamlin were good for each other, but it doesn't feel worth it to dismiss the potential they had for what we got with feysand.

also, sarah learn to treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge. no they don't need to learn to physically fight to fight it. no they don't need a love interest to overcome it. yes the behaviors acquired from trauma and abuse aren't pretty but that doesn't mean a person is undeserving of kindness and compassion.

i think i had a point somewhere but i can't get to it. so hope you don't mind my rambling. anyway i loved your meta about tamlin i think he deserves better too

HOLY SHIT THIS ONE IS SO GOOD OK IM SO EXCITED

Bro you are so fine, I'm the one who doesn't make any sense and I totally get what you're trying to say. (Acomaf was actually my favorite book in the series too ngl)

BUT FUCK YEAH LETS TALK ABOUT RHYSAND.

I don't think it's a secret that Rhysand is one of my least favorite characters in media, probably ever? (How do I even put this into words) He is a bad character and to me, laughably so. You know how if you've ever written a character, there's that little phase that's like "what if people don't like this character' and then you're sad for a little bit? That's how Rhysand feels to me. He feels like SJM looked at this character and thought "I can't stand the thought of people not liking this character because I love him so much" and then did everything in her power to make sure we know how great he is.

Idk if this is just me screaming into the void, but I get to this place with my characters where like, especially if they are a little more morally gray or their decisions have negative impacts, I understand that I don't need the audience to like my main character. they can stand on their own, they can own up to what they do and they can grow from it. Thats what a good character does. That's how you keep your audience rooting for them. You gotta knock them over sometimes.

SJm doesn't knock Rhysand over. She doesn't push him to make mistakes, apologize, own up and move on. Rhysand has never made a decision that ended poorly for him. Everything goes the way he wants it to, because SJm wants us to know how cool and great he is. People who are cool and great don't make bad decisions! SJm doesn't let Rhysand fail, and she doesn't let him suffer his own decisions. Everyone else suffers his decisions, not him.

Rhysand's reputation as a good person hinges entirely on the audience liking him and/or thinking he's hot. And then what happens when the audience thinks neither of those things? Ya get a rly long post like this by a lil enby who is mad all the time. Rhysand loses all credibility when you look at him through a critical lens. Not a single thing the man does makes any goddamn sense. Here I thought acosf would give us a different perspective on Feysand and I was desperately hoping that Nesta would tell us what she really sees in them and how people around them really feel, I hoped that SjM would throw us for a loop and tell us that hey, she does know that Feysand are fucking toxic as hell and ruin the lives of people around them and she wants to show us that from an outside perspective but noooOoOOOoOoOOOO...

Instead we get Nesta hating herself because Rhysand told her that she shouldn't tell Feyre that Feyre could uh die in childbirth. Hey what the fuck.

Now I don't actually ship feylin, I kinda always sorta knew, even without spoilers, that it wasn't going to work out. Tamlin isn't sjm's idea of a good partner because he's not charming and witty and dark and handsome ya know? We met Rhysand and I knew that I was going to fucking hate this romance. Which sucks because I found Rhysand so intriguing in the first book. Ngl all the time spent in the spring court was kinda boring and every time Rhysand showed up to throw dead faeries at Tamlin I was like "oooooo" and I wanted to know more about why Tamlin, this awkward, blunt and kinda shy dude had beef with this super duper sly and shady man from another court.

I don't know if I've ever said this before, but SJm doesn't let her love interests grow. Rhysand doesn't change over the course of the story because he was already a good guy and his motives were for Feyre's sake I swear, the same goes for Rowan in TOG. SJm doesn't give Rhysand room to change. She needs to get to the part where they fuck make sure everyone knows that Rhysand is a good guy and actually he was good all along so that we like him more than Tamlin. It backtracks on everything bad Rhysand has ever done because you know... He had a good reason! It's fine!

I know it's probably just because SJm doesn't actually know how to write a good character growth arc but... Like can you imagine if Rhysand stayed the bad guy? Or at least remained the bad guy through acotar and acomaf? And then when Rhysand comes to take Feyre for his bargain it really was only to spite Tamlin? What about Rhysand, taking Feyre to the night court with him once a week every month for a long time, if only to see Tamlin's eyes grow darker and emptier every time he goes, and then he really starts to fall in love with Feyre. He's been a monster all this time, angry and cold and cruel and then he actually starts to fall in love. And then to get Feyre to stay he really does try to change, he stops antagonizing Feyre, he stops throwing dead faeries at Tamlin, and he stops harassing the Spring court. He starts spending genuine quality time with Feyre, he starts to learn about her and all the things she likes and he stops trying to get her to come with him just so Tamlin will be mad. He starts asking her to come with him because he wants to be around her and he prays that someday she'll want to be around him too. What if SJm let him grow.

But nahhhhhh instead we have a character who always knows the right answer to things, and he always knows how to fix every issue, and he is always so innovative and outside the box except that he isn't. We get a character who does the same shit as Tamlin but it's ok because he had a good reason not to tell Feyre that she could very well die in childbirth. Uhhhh don't know what that is but uhhh I know he has his reasons because all he has are his reasons.

It would be so easy to hold a mirror up to Rhysand and say "look at this. Look who you are. Do you not look just like Tamlin right now?"

But nooooooooOoOOOo Rhysand doesn't get to be wrong. Rhysand doesn't get to look like Tamlin because Tamlin is evil and Rhysand is definitely NOT I SWEAR.

But yeah I think the point I'm trying to make is that Sarah thinks so highly of Rhysand that he could never do wrong. He could never be like Tamlin, despite the narrative literally telling us the exact opposite.

Like you said, we lost the potential of what feylin could have been if SJm didn't suddenly decide that her audience needs to love Rhysand as much as she does. I think feylin could have been slow and sweet and a story of true healing and learning about one another. I think it would have been kind and steady and lots of "are you ok"s and "I'm sorry"s and "talk to me"s. Everything about Feysand feels rushed and hard and fast and the rest of the world doesn't have time to catch up. It's fucking exhausting to read it ya know what I'm saying.

(also can we talk about Rhysand like dying and Feyre finding the suriel and learning he's her mate and then instead of being like "k let's put a pin in that and fuckin save his life first" she like throws him around and everyone is like "wtf woman" and she's like I neeD tO Be alOnE these people have no idea how to prioritize)

Truly, I think it's innocent to a degree. There is absolutely no harm in wanting people to like your character. The harm comes when you destroy another character with no reason or explanation other than you want people to like a different character. Villain arc? Completely out of left field. You gotta build to that shit or like... Make it so that when you look back you slap your forehead and yell at a wall "OF FUCKING COURSE I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT"

anyways, SJm treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge SECONDED.

WELL IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME WEEKS YO WRITE IM HAVING A HARD TIME I know it probably doesn't make any sense I can't find my braincells BUT thanks for the ask @xelly

Tell me all your acotar things I love yo hear them !!

#rhysand #anti rhysand #anti sjm #anti acotar #anti inner circle #tamlin #lucien deserved better #they all deserved better frankly

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lightininglydia · 4 years ago

Text

We’re the same you know- T.T

Pairings: John B x Reader, Topper Thornton x reader

Warnings: cheating, mentions of sex, swearing

I hope you enjoy reading this :)

You smiled as you happily skipped over to the chateau with a few bags in your hands. You hadn’t seen your boyfriend in a few days due to your busy work schedule but today you both finally had the day off. There was supposed to be a party tonight that the two of you were going to meet at but you figured you'd surprise your boyfriend earlier so you could spend some quality time together.

You had bought yours and John B’s favourite take out food and a few of John B's favourite films, having a cute little day planned out for the two of you. You had definitely been longing to spend some alone time with him and figured today would be the perfect day to do so.... Pope and JJ were hopefully busy and Kiara was working all day so you knew there would be little to no disruptions to your perfectly planned day.

You walked into the chateau and called out your boyfriends name but didn't get a reply. You looked outside and saw the HMS Pogue and the Twinkie so he couldn't possibly be out with the boys. This caused a small frown to settle on your face. you shook your head slightly and made your way to his room. Your heart swelled when you saw him fast asleep but quickly broke when you noticed what was next to him.... a mop of blonde hair you knew all too well.

Sarah Cameron.

" What the FUCK " you yelled causing both John B and Sarah to shoot up out of bed and look at you, the two of them barely in any clothing and marks spread across their bodies, giving away what they had just done. John B's face softened when he saw yours and he jumped up and quickly began explaining it to you.

" it just happened " and " I'm so sorry baby " but you couldn't even really hear what he was saying. Everything was in slow motion just like in the movies as you tried pushing him away from you, tears falling down your face as you pushed past him, desperately trying to get out of the chateau and as far away from him and Sarah as possible.

Once you were out you were met with Pope and JJ, their faces quickly showing a look of concern as they rushed over to you but you pushed them back not trusting anything or anyone.

" did you know " your voice broke as you prayed the answer was no but by the looks on their faces they did.... they knew

" does Kie know? " and they shook their heads no which made you let out a sigh of relief

" I caught them the other day.... I knew I couldn't tell Kie or she'd tell you " JJ mumbled

" so what? You were just going to cover for John b JJ? For how long? How long were you going to fucking LIE to me " you shouted at him but you instantly felt bad. This wasn’t his fault.

" I'm sorry I shouldn't have yelled... I'm sorry " you quickly apologized knowing he gets enough of that when he's at home but JJ shook his head

" no... I deserve it " he mumbled and your heart clenched... how did you end up feeling like a monster in this situation?

" no JJ you don't.... John B's your best friend. This is on him not you and I shouldn't have yelled no matter how angry I am " your voice was soft as you spoke to JJ.

While what JJ did was fucked up you never wanted to hurt him or make him feel like he wasn’t worth it or like he deserved all the pain he experienced because he didn’t.

" I'm sorry (Y/N) JJ is John B's best friend but I'm not... I have no excuse as to why I didn't tell you. I guess I just wanted to protect him " Pope whispered feeling guilty

" protect him? What about me? Your best friend.... if it was you getting cheated on....I would have told you " you said to Pope but directing it at both boys

You said nothing else to the two boys as you got into your car. You drove straight to the wreck ignoring the calls from John B. You knew Kiara was working today and to be honest all you wanted was to see her, hoping she could provide you a sense of comfort and happiness. You knew how much she hated Sarah Cameron so hopefully she'd be equally as pissed as you at John B and the guys.

You parked your car and made your way inside, sitting at your usual table. Kie saw you almost immediately and smiled but her face dropped when she saw your state. She turned to her dad and pointed at you probably explaining something was wrong and that she needed to take a break.

He just nodded and offered you a small smiled. He hated the boys, thought they were dirty and troublesome but both him and Mrs. C loved you. You knew you were always welcome at their house and if you didn't already have a job as a cart girl at the country club you would have been offered a job here.

" What happened " Kie asked as she placed a large plate of fries on the table along with two glasses of soda. You smiled softly at her actions and looked up at her as she sat down across from you. Your small smile quickly faltered as you knew how hard this was going to be. She hated Sarah.... and everyone knew that especially John B. This betrayal would hit her too and you knew it.

" You're going to hate this " you mumbled as you tried to prepare the girl, she nodded and motioned for you to continue.

" I went to see John B today.... brought his favourite food and movies hoping to have a couple-y day but when I found him he was in bed.... with Sarah Cameron. I guess they've been sleeping around for a while and the guys knew " your voice broke again as you looked down at your hands trying to somewhat hold it together.

" What? " she asked in disbelief feeling like she didn’t quite hear you right

" yeah " you laughed bitterly as tears flowed down your face

" (Y/N) I'm so sorry " she whispered as she reached across the table and took your hand in hers. You just nodded as you tried not to cry any harder, this was embarrassing enough you didn’t need to be sobbing at the wreck.

" The worst part is he didn't even sound sorry as he listed his excuses.... he almost sounded relieved that I caught him.... relieved that he no longer had to lie to me and pretend that he loved me “

" Pope and JJ knew? JJ is expected but Pope? How could he do that to you? And why didn't they tell me? " she asked feeling confused by the situation at hand

" Pope said he didn't have an excuse... he just wanted to protect John B which is really fucking shitty because why did he need protecting? He was breaking MY heart and lying to me.... They didn't tell you because they knew you'd tell me " you answered

" Damn right " she muttered suddenly feeling very angry at her best friends

" I left the chateau and came straight here.... you're the only person I want to see for the rest of my life and our parents too but still " you said

" God I'm going to kill him! All of them actually... for him to cheat on you when you were the best girlfriend EVER with Sarah Cameron is the worst thing he could have ever done.... you're our best friend (Y/N) and I can't believe those two idiots knew and didn't say shit " Kie spat starting to get really angry

" I honestly don't even know how to feel about it.... I want to say I hate them I really do but I don't. I yelled at JJ and instantly felt horrible and apologized! At the end of the day Pope and JJ are still two of my best friends which really sucks because it doesn't seem like they feel the same way " you sighed as you looked down at the floor

" Well I do... you're my best friend (Y/N) out of all of them I would pick you every single time okay? If I would have known I probably would have beat John B up before coming to tell you " she said in a matter of fact tone which made you laugh

" You're my best friend too Kie.... I'd pick you every single time without a doubt... i'm gonna let you go back to work but you can come pick me up before the party later " you said to her

" wait you still wanna go? " she asked slightly confused as to why you would want to go to a party where John B would most definitely be at with Sarah on his arm.

" you've been looking forward to it for days and you can't go by yourself when you hate all your friends.... so I'm going to come with you and we can't hate all our friends together okay? "

" okay " she said as she let go of your hand and went back to work. You knew the fries and drinks were on the house but you never left the wreck without slipping at least a $20 to Mr. C who tried to refuse it every time but eventually caved.

So you made your way up to him and gave him the bill. He didn't protest as he saw the state you were in.

" You okay (Y/N) " he asked

" no.... teenage boys suck but I'll get over it eventually " you said weakly

He said nothing as he pulled you in for a hug. He considered you to be another daughter just like your parents did with Kie.

Mr. Carrera and your father had grown up on the cut together, they were best friends so naturally when they had daughters around the same time they decided that the two of you would also grow up together and be best friends.

You pulled away from the hug and gave him a smile and a wave as you made your way to your car. You drove home and went straight to your room ignoring the calls from your parents and cried.... you cried and cried and cried until you couldn’t cry anymore.

Thankfully you always had spoons in your freezer so when it was time to get ready you showered and then held two ice cold spoons under your eyes to depuff them. You didn’t need the whole island knowing you just had your heart ripped from your chest and stomped on.

You then put on your usual jean shorts and oversized Tshirt on, tucking the shirt into your shorts because it looked nicer in your opinion. You then added a few necklaces and let your now dry hair down.

Normally girls would go all out to try and show their ex what they were missing but you didn't have the energy to do that nor did you care that much about John B.... the moment you caught him was the moment he became dead to you, you had nothing to prove to him because he was no longer worth it.... especially because you had caught him with Sarah Cameron someone you had grown to hate over the years due to her constant attitude with you and Kie.

You heard a car honk from outside and you knew that was your que to leave. You said goodbye to your parents and made your way downstairs and out the door. You greeted Kiara with a smile and small hello as you got into her car.

The drive was short and before you knew it the two of you were pulling up to the party. You took a deep breath and tried to calm your nerves. You knew John B would be here with Sarah... Pope and JJ by his side as if his betrayal was nothing... as if you were nothing.

" we can turn around and have a girls night instead " Kie whispered as she turned to you

" no... it's okay " you stated and then got out of the car

Kie grabbed your hand in hers as the two of you walked to the beach.

" I'm scared " you said to her

" I'm scared too... "

" why are you scared? " you asked

" because I don't know what I'm going to do when I see John B parade around here with Sarah as if he didn't just absolutely break your heart like it was nothing.... it doesn't help dumb and dumber are going to be with him instead of us either " she said and you laughed

" I love you ya know "

" I love you too (Y/N) .... I'm gonna go get us drinks which you know they are probably in charge of so go sit over there " she said as she pointed towards a large open spot on the beach.

You just nodded and let go of her hand, both of you going opposite ways. You sighed as you sat in the sand feeling sad.

" mind if I sit next to you " a familiar voice asked from behind you

Topper.

" sure Top " you said using his nickname.

The two of you weren't friends but you also didn't play into the kooks vs Pogues with each other. Topper admired how cool and honest you were so he was always kind to you. That was something you appreciated. He respected you enough to leave the boys alone when you asked and even somehow got Rafe to back down from a few fights with JJ and in return you would defend him to your friends. The relationship you had with each other was odd and very unexpected.... a kook and a Pogue having a pretty high level of respect for one another was practically unheard of if you excused Kiara from her kook title.

" you okay? " he asked knowing all too well what you were feeling

" No... are you? "

" not really.... it just sucks that she cheated on me with a- " he stopped himself

" sorry " he apologized

" don't apologize.... there's a lot of mean shit I could say about kooks too right now " you laughed lightly trying to make him feel better about what he had just apologized for.

" You didn't deserve it.... you're so kind and caring John B didn't deserve you " he mumbled

" You didn't deserve it either.... yeah you kinda suck sometimes but you've always been nice to me and from what I saw you were pretty good to her too so Sarah didn't deserve you either " you said as you leaned your head on his shoulder

" Maybe they are perfect for each other then " he muttered as he turned his head, eyeing John B and Sarah.

" when did you find out " you asked him noticing he was sad but definitely not as sad as you which lead you to the conclusion he had found out before you and obviously not today

" Midsummers " he responded and you sat up faster than you ever had before suddenly feeling sick to your stomach, this made Topper look at you with concern written all over his face.

Midsummers was three weeks ago.

" I found out this afternoon " your voice broke as you realized just how long this was going on for and you couldn’t help but wonder how long it was going on for before midsummers.

" he promised.... he promised me he'd tell you " Topper whispered more to himself than you

" what? " you asked turning to look at him

" when I caught them... I lost it, yelled and screamed at them and then I said I was going to find you.... he stopped me and promised he'd tell you in the morning " Topper said in disbelief

" wait.... your first thought was to yell at them and then come and find me? Why? " you asked

" because I care about and respect you.... I admire how honest and cool you are if I'm being honest I like you and respect how you're always quick to call me and my friends out on my shit so yeah when I found out one of my first thoughts was to come find you " he mumbled as he looked down at the sand feeling slightly embarrassed by his own confession but it was true.

He cared about you.

" Thank you " you whispered to him really meaning it and feeling grateful at least someone who knew seemed to have your back.

" Topper? (Y/N) ? " Kie asked as she approached the two of you with drinks in her hand, confused as to why the blonde haired kook was siting next to you

" Kie I know you just got these but I need them both" you stated with a look of determination on your face. She didn't say anything as you stood up and took them from her hands and just watched as you marched over to John B and Sarah.

" (Y/N) - " Pope started but your harsh glare was quick to silence him. You tapped John B on the shoulder causing him and Sarah to turn around and before either of them could even register it was you the drinks ended up being thrown in their faces

" You're a real piece of shit John B.... Topper caught the two of you at midsummers? That was THREE weeks ago and god knows how long the two of you were sneaking around before that.... I was good to you! always so good to you and this is what I get in return? You promised him you were going to break up with me the next day but instead you decided to string me along? For what? Your own selfish enjoyment? For the thrill of sneaking around? " you spat and he was speechless so you turned to Sarah

" and you.... did you enjoy sneaking around behind my back? Stealing my boyfriend? Cheating on your own? I hope you guys are happy together because you truly deserve one another.... " you spat and then turned around storming off back towards where Topper and Kie sat

" sorry about the drinks " you mumbled as you sat next to Kiara

" don't be.... three weeks? That's fucking disgusting " Kiara scoffed feeling even angrier than she had before.

" I'm really sorry (Y/N) I thought you knew.... I swear to god I would have told you " Topper said, guilt laced in his voice.

" I know Top.... don't worry about it " you reassured him as you moved closer to him, resting your head back on his shoulder.

Being near him right now was oddly comforting.

" I don't think I want to be friends with John B anymore " Kie announced as she looked over at you and Topper

" are you sure Kie? " you asked

" yeah.... I love the carefree lifestyle of being his friend but he hurt you (Y/N) and he hurt me and it doesn't even seem like he cares " she mumbled as she looked down at the and you nodded as you realized just how much this was hurting her too.

" we don't need em.... we can live a mix of a kook and Pogue life just the two of us like it used to be " you said

" I mean.... I know we kinda suck but you could always hang out with the guys and I " Topper said which caused both you and Kie to snort

" Top... you and Kelce are fine but Rafe? He hates us" you laughed

" yeah... my bad but hey maybe we can change that " he laughed with you and you just smiled at him feeling grateful he was trying his best to make you feel better.

" (Y/N) can we talk " JJ asked as he approached the three of you. You looked over at Kie asking for her opinion and she just shrugged. You patted Topper on the leg before standing up and following JJ

" I didn't know it was that long " he mumbled

" I know " was all you said as you walked down the beach with him

" are we gonna be okay? " he asked feeling scared of your answer. He didn’t want to lose you

" eventually.... but things are never gonna be the same. I'm not gonna be around anymore and by the looks of it neither is Kie " you said

" I get it.... soooo you and Topper looked pretty cosy" JJ joked which caused you to roll your eyes and laugh

" I've always enjoyed Topper's company and I mean.... he gets it more than anyone else does so I guess having him as a friend won't be the worst thing ever " you mumbled

" I can't stand him but he's always been nice to you so there's no reason not to be his friend " JJ huffed still not liking the idea

" Where's Pope? " you asked as you scanned the crowd looking for him

" after you threw drinks in John B and Sarah's face and yelled at them he yelled at John B and then left.... he feels horrible " JJ sighed as the two of you turned around and began walking back towards Topper and Kie

" It's okay.... you've both been friends with John B longer and you didn't know how long it had been going on for " you stated simply

" I went after him but he said he needed space so I let him go.... I'm sure you can expect him at your door sometime tomorrow "

" I hope so because you and Pope are still my best friends despite all this shit "

" good.... I'm really sorry (Y/N) "

" it's alright JJ.... I'm not about to flush several years of friendship down the toilet over this. At least not with the two of you. In John B's case he'll be lucky if I ever even look at him again "

The two of you were now back in front of Topper and Kie. You gave JJ a hug and a quick goodbye before sitting back down next to Topper and then watched as he returned to where John B and Sarah stood, Sarah looked to be having a mini melt down as her makeup ran down her face. This caused you to laugh a little bit enjoying her current state.

" we're the same you know " Topper mumbled which caused you to look away from Sarah and over at him

" yeah but that's okay because we have each other. We'll get over this.... together " you smiled softly

" You're really pretty " Topper said suddenly which caused Kie to snort

" dude.... she's been single for like 6 hours I think you might wanna give it at LEAST a day or two before you make your move " Kie said while laughing which caused you to lean over and whack her arm.

" You're really pretty too Top " you giggled as you looked at him

He just rolled his eyes and leaned into you and you couldn’t help but feel as if this was the start of a beautiful friendship..... maybe even something more.

#topper thorton x reader #topper obx #topper #topper imagine #topper thornton #obx #obx fic #topper x reader #jj maybank #rafe cameron #sarah cameron #pope heyward #kiara carrera #john b outer banks #outer banks #topper thornton fanfic #topper fanfiction

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symeraid-s · 4 years ago

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My Top 10 TanBunn Moments (Spoilers!)

Before I start, let’s be honest: every moment could be on here. Tan and Bunn are just really adorable together. I tried to compile it to only 10 moments though and really was hard work.

Number 10: The Shower Scene (Ep.10)

The intimacy of this scene is off the charts. There is very little dialogue, but the actions speak louder than words. The way Tan touches Bunn, like he is the most precious thing in the world, just seems so soft. How he carasses his face and pulls him into a kiss and how Bunn kinda melts against him, really make it look, like we are intruding something very private. This is why MaxTul are the superior pairing.

Number 9: The Prison Scene and the Aftermath at Tan’s House (Ep.9)

I couldn't decide which scene I wanted in this spot, so there are two. The first is the conversation Tan and Bunn have, while Tan is in prison, with Bunn getting worried over Tan's injuries and promising to save him, all while Tan stares at him, like he's the f**ing sun. The second one is in the same episode, when they are back at Tan's house and just cuddling on the couch. Bunn is proud of himself, because he was able to protect Tan for once, but the other promises, that it'll be the only time he would have to protect him. Bunn leans against him, completely content for a moment and Tan just presses a kiss against his forehead and... this scene is just very soft.

Number 8: The Make-Out Scene™ (Ep.7)

It was honestly not the perfect moment to pull a move like this, but holy shit, it's pretty hot. The moment, when Tan caresses Bunn's face only for him to hold his hand, smelling his fingers, uttering the line that somehow was cut out of the episode for no apparent reason, is very intimate. The make out that follows is also very hot and I pray for Tul's scalp. This is the reason, why you get MaxTul in your drama. It seems way too natural.

Number 7: The Proposal (Ep.14)

The complex approach Tan decides to take for his proposal is insane, but at the same time really on brand for his character. He tests how much Bunn trusts in him and then flees with him to the ideal spot where he wants to propose. There, he gets Bunn to open the box for him and read the, actually very sweet, cards he prepared. This is where Bunn realises just how much of an impact his presence had on Tan. He doesn't only love him, he wants to spend the rest of his life with him and this seems to be the first time, Bunn has felt this way about someone too. Because even after all the shit Tan just put him through, he says yes. I still can't comprehend how he got M to tag along for the plan, but it's a very sweet scene nevertheless.

Number 6: “The First Meeting” (Ep.1)

The "first meeting" between these two goes about as well, as one would expect. Tan continously tries to flirt with Bunn and lets him know, that he remembers him from the night before, while Bunn panics at the thought that his childhood friend's boyfriend would flirt with him like that. He backs away a bit and doesn't look him in the eyes, especially when he comes closer. He tries to look at him, when Tan picks the confetti out of his hair, but he only ever glances at him shortly. Still, he gathers all of his courage, to essentially ask him, if he remembers the kiss and Tan confirms it. Tan then turns away and it's very obivous that Bunn was going to call something after him, but in that moment, Jane and Pued ruin the mood. It's a really masterclass of a scene, that really shows off the chemistry between Max and Tul, who can even make the smallest act look intimate.

Number 5: The Cliff Scene (Ep.10)

When Tan points the gun at Bunn, it's like the world stops for them for a few seconds. Bunn calls out for him in a mixture of desperation and fear and Tan just utters those magical words, like an apology. Before Bunn answers, he gives him a small reasurring nod and tells him that he loves him too. With that the world starts turning again and Tan pulls the trigger, watching as the love of his life disappears over the edge of the cliff. He walks to the same spot, as Inspector M walks out of the forest to hold him at gunpoint and Tan looks at him, like he's ready to be with Bunn, so M doesn't hesitate and shoots him of the cliff too. It's all staged of course, but the emotions are still there and still raw.

Number 4: The One in which they aren't interrupted by the Danger Children (Ep.12)

The awkward flirting of these two just seems to get worse as the show goes on, but this scene really hits a homerun with it. Starting with Tan explaining that he's the ugly duckling of his family and Bunn "reasurring" him, that while they are similar he's not the ugly duckling, but also not the swan of the family. It just gets cuter from there. Bunn suggests that he's more of a flamingo then a swan, which Tan seems to take way too literally and just tells him, that if he is, he's Bunn's. It's pretty hilarious. But when he pulls him into his arms and Bunn just kinda... nestles into him, it turns into adorable mush, as Tan tries to get some, because the last time they tried that in this episode, they were interrupted by the danger children and he just wants some quality time with his boyfriend. And then they discover the MacGuffin of the show and it's over. This whole scene also really encapsulates what I love about this show: the dialogue.

Number 3: The Drunken Couch Scene (Ep.5)

It comes a bit out of nowhere, but it's just so great. The way Tan shakes him awake and how Bunn turns to look at him, almost challenging is just really well done. As well as Tan's explanation for why he thinks he's drunk. That little self-depricating line of "How can people like me seduce other people?" is also really in character with Bunn, especially when it's followed up by Tan trying to focus on his eyes, but glancing down at his lips again and again. When Bunn takes the initiative and kisses him, he looks so taken aback, it's almost funny and Bunn just laughs it off. Tan really has to stop himself from kissing him back, instead asking if he was aware of what he just did. And when Bunn confirms it and just walks out, he has that look of pure adoration on his face. It's really just a small scene, but it's so well executed and comes so naturally.

Number 2: The Hospital Scene (Ep.8)

Seeing Tan at Bunn's bedside, begging for his forgiveness is just really hard to watch without getting a bit choked up. The way he holds onto Bunn, like he might die is also heartbreaking. It's really the first time, we see just how much Bunn actually affected Tan and maybe changed him for the better. And Max really shines in this scene.

Number 1: The Return of the King/The Staircase Scene (Ep.10)

The pure desperation in Bunn's voice, when he calls out for Tan and how he holds onto him, like he's afraid he might vanish if he lets go is simply heartbreaking to witness. And Tan does everything to reassure him, that he's there for him. Also, the look on his face, when Bunn asks him if he's okay is just... pure adoration. Like he can't fanthom how this man can still be worried for him after what he put him through. It's simply amazing and Tul really knocks everything out of the park here.

#manner of death #mod #manner of death spoilers #mod spoilers #tanbunn #maxtul #the show is really great guys #9/10 would recommend #don't really know what to do with my mondays now #does anyone have other bl drama suggestions?#I already bingewatched Cherry Magic last week

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airis-paris14 · 4 years ago

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Wonder What She Thinks 3

Summary: She learns to put herself first and he loses the best thing he ever had.

Masterlist || 3 || 4

I can’t predict my fate but I can’t be his no more… two years enough, few days but my week with you means more. - “Natural” Sabrina Claudio

So why are you still single?”Iman swirled her straw around her glass of mango lemonade. The man took a sip before answering, “Before now, I didn’t feel like my career was in a place where I could balance spending time in my relationship. I wanna do it right. I don’t want to look back and realize my career was the reason it doesn’t work out.”

Iman nodded and looked down, thinking on her on and off situationship with T’Challa. She hadn’t heard from the king in months. He’d been all over the news with his various dates and suspected engagements. At first the nurse was hurt, but she decided that maybe it was for the best. She and Michael had cultivated a close bond with each other. Instantly becoming fast friends after the game night. They hadn’t talked explicitly about being together. She knew that Michael had once been interested, but she couldn’t be sure anymore. They hadn’t talked about her and T’Challa either. Truth be told she didn’t know if she was ready to be in a relationship either right now. “I understand that. It’s great that you’re thinking through it. You wanna give that person your all.”

“Exactly,” the actor nodded. “What about you. I’ve known you for almost a year now, and I still don’t know why you haven’t settled down.”

“It’s complicated,” Zoe-Iman shrugged. “But why? Zoe I’ve seen the way men look at you when we’re hanging out. I can’t believe old dude hasn’t officially snapped you up yet,” Michael leaned back. “It’s his career too. It just isn’t the right time. Or wasn’t the right time. I haven’t heard from him in months so I don’t even know what we are either way.” Zoe sighed and frowned. “Zoe, I’m sorry I didn’t know. He’s stupid for that Ma. He doesn't know what an amazing thing he gave up.”

Zoe shrugged, “I guess. I mean we weren’t exclusive or anything but we’ve been friends forever. I at least expected a goodbye.”

“For sure. He definitely shouldn’t have disappeared on you like that. Are you alright?” Michael asked. “I don’t know honestly. It was most likely for the best. I doubt it would have ever been ‘the right time’ like he kept promising. I should have moved on a while ago,” the woman explained. “Well here’s to new beginnings,” Michael raised his glass. “What’s your new beginning?” Zoe asked as she raised her glass.

“My career is finally in a place where I can invest in a relationship,” the actor winked.

****

“Let’s go Zoe!” Kenois slapped her door frame twice before continuing down the hall. “I’m coming dang,” Zoe slipped on her heels and pressed send on a text message. She grabbed her little clutch and hightailed it out of the room. Sylia and Kenois had planned a group outing to a new 70s themed disco that had opened in the city. Named Studio 54A, in honor of the infamous disco from back in the day. With a guest list and dress code as exclusive as the original establishment, she wondered how her friends had secured all of them a spot on the VIP list. She was sure it had something to do with Michael, who ironically was the only one who could no longer make it. They all piled into the Uber black truck that was waiting outside and settled in for the ride.

Zoe heard her phone ping as they pulled off. “You look good mama,” Sylia complimented. “Yeah I haven’t seen you this excited to get dressed up and go out in a long time. Michael’s gonna be mad he missed this outfit” Kenois teased. “We’re just friends, besides I’m mad he’s not coming. He was my disco partner,” Zoe pouted dramatically. She slipped her phone out and read the message.

Michael: I’m sorry Zoe-Zoe.

Zoe-Iman: It’s okay. Work comes first. You gotta get that money.

Michael: no you come first.

Zoe’s heart stopped as she re-read his message before another followed it.

Michael: my friends and quality relationships should always come first. Especially good friends like you.

Zoe-Iman: But I and everyone else understand. Get some rest before your early shoot Mr.GQ x2

Michael: Only cause someone else dropped out.

Zoe-Iman: You’re still on the cover so it counts. Go to sleep.

Michael: Send me pictures and I promise I’ll make it up to you. Just you and me will go. And we can dance your little disco heart out.

Zoe-Iman: Shut up

Michael: Have a good time.

Zoe-Iman: I will. We will. Night.

Michael: Night.

“Is there something going on between you and Michael?,” Kenois smiles as they pull off the highway. “No,” Iman fought back a blush. “Yes there is!” Sylia pushed,”I knew y’all were getting close this past year, but it’s changed. The matching outfits, the way you grin at your phone when he texts.” Kenois added on

“I just enjoy his company,” Zoe shrugged. “Um hmm,” Sylia hummed. The truck reached their pit stop. The door opened and Trina, David, and Camden piled in. “Hey, y’all,” the woman smiled as she settled in. “What’s up?” Camden and David nodded and shut the door.

“Y’all look great!” Zoe smiled. The group was dressed to impress in vintage, and 70s inspired, outfits. “Where’s Michael?” David asked. “Something came up at the last minute and he couldn’t be out partying late.”

“Dang. Good thing I invited T, so we won’t be so outnumbered.” David sighed. “Nigga what?” Sylia stared at him. Trina and Kenois glanced over at Zoe who felt frozen in her seat. “Why would you invite T?” Trina turned to David, “you know he hasn’t been around lately.”

“That’s why I invited him.” David looked to Camden for help. Camden shrugged and sat back, opting to stay out of trouble on this one. Atleast for a little while longer. “You didn’t think that maybe he wasn’t around for a reason?”

David threw his hands up, “I figured the man was busy with being the prince of a whole country. I thought he could use a night out with some friends from college. Sue me!”

“It’s not that,” Kenois started. “Will y’all stop beating around the bush. Y’all obviously know something we don’t.” Camden finally interjected. “All of the women turned their heads to Zoe Iman. The boys leaned up in their seats from the back. “Me and T had a friends with benefits type thing for about the past year, then he ghosted me,” Zoe explained. Her eyes invested in the city outside her window.

“Y’all were fucking and ain’t tell nobody!”

Trina slapped David on the back of his head. “Shut up! You don’t see that driver sitting right there. Yelling out people’s business,” Trina muttered. “What he meant to say was why wouldn’t y’all tell us?” Camden corrected.

“T didn’t want anyone to know. And I didn’t want anyone to know that I was his dirty little secret. These three found out because they came back from some event early one night and heard us.” Zoe sighed, finally turning to look at two of her closest guy friends. “Yeah and she was always spending the night over there. We woulda found out anyway.” Sylia shrugged.

“I’m sorry Zoe, I wish I had known,” David frowned, his earlier amusement gone. “We’ll jack him up. All you gotta do is say the word. He had no right to ghost you like that and be out here going on dates with other chicks and shit.”

Camden nodded in agreement, “You know all of y’all like my sisters. Ain’t no dude gon mess with y’all and just walk away with both legs.”

Zoe-Iman offered a small smile, “It’s okay y’all. I’m good. I’m just trying to move on, and I hope he finds what he’s looking for.” She shrugged, turning back in her seat as the car pulled to a stop. “Besides I didn’t spend two months learning disco moves to not show them off now.

“I know that’s right, and the way that dress is looking with them heels, he gon be on his knees by the end of the night,” Trina grinned. Zoe-Iman turned to the boys, “Please don’t feel bad about it. I’m good, y’all enjoy time with him. He was y’all’s friend first. He hasn’t done anything to y’all.”

“We understand, but he hurt you.”

David agreed, “Him hurting you, is him hurting us. And best believe we gon be talking about it tonight.” The boys got out of the car before Zoe could ask them not to. Once she sighed as they walked ahead, anticipating the awkward night ahead. She desperately wished she hadn’t told Michael to go to sleep.

*****

“What time should I expect you back?” Nakia wrapped a scarf around her hair as T’Challa grabbed his wallet off of the night stand. “I am not sure,” the king sighed, turning to face his father’s choice. “Are you sure I cannot accompany you? I want to meet your friends,” the woman smiled and turned to face him. “Not this time,” he turned, avoiding the disappointment he knew was plastered all over her face. “Are you ashamed of me?”

“No. Goodnight Nakia.” T’Challa hurried out of his hotel room. He slid into his waiting car and sighed. He prayed to Bast that Zoe-Iman was there. He’d deleted her number after Nakia became insecure about and suspicious of how often he was texting and meeting up with her. He knew that dropping Zoe like she meant nothing was the worst decision he’d ever made, but he needed to keep Nakia happy and by his side. However he missed his best friend and lover. She was like a drug, and he was well overdue for a re-up. The future king knew that she would be upset at first, but he knew that he could explain what had happened and they’d be able to fix his mistakes and get a life saving dose of his Iman. What the prince was not expecting, was outside intervention in his plans.

His car pulled up to the club and he breezed through the front door. Once inside he spotted his friends and walked over, disappointed to see that none of the women were present. “The king is in the house!” David stood and greeted his friend. “Stop it. I am not a king yet,” T’Challa laughed. After hugs and daps were exchanged they settled into the booth and T’Challa ordered his usual whiskey on the rocks. “So who’s this girl we’ve been seeing you all over the news with?”

T’Challa sighed and sipped his drink, “She is my father’s choice for a wife.”

“And you going along with it?” Camden raised an eyebrow. “It is not that simple,” he offered as an excuse. “Where are the girls?”

“They’re on the dance floor somewhere,” David pointed vaguely, “but you really worried about everybody or Zoe-Iman in particular?” T’Challa looked at his friend over the edge of his glass, “they are all my friends and I miss them equally-“

“Cut the bull lover boy,” Camden sat his drink down. “We found out you were messing around with Zoe-Iman.” T’Challa’s heart dropped. He and Zoe had promised they wouldn’t diverge their secret to the group. “And nah she ain’t tell us, the other girls did,” David clarified, “they came home early and heard y’all one night.”

“Well what about it? We’re both adults,” T’Challa shrugged. “It’s not even about that T! Nigga you really over here playing with her heart like it’s nothing.” David fussed. “I am not playing with her heart,” the king insisted.

“Then why she look like she was gon have a heart attack when I told everyone you were coming,” David fussed, “cause you making her look like a fool. Out here with other women in public, then ghosting her when your other chicks ask you too.”

“How did you-“ T’Challa started.

“We are not stupid bruh. You used to look at ol girl like she was your sun and moon. It had to take another girl to make you just ghost her.” Camden rubbed his temple.

“Iman knows what’s going on with my family.”

“That don’t make it okay T! You know she’s like my little sister and I hate seeing her all sad and shit over a nigga. And my friend at that! The only reason I ain’t jumped on yo ass is cause she begged me not too.” David fussed.

“She sat in the van after everyone found out and still defended you man. Cause she loves you, and you out here dating other chicks?” Camden chimed in. “I should just go you all wouldn’t understand,” T’Challa threw back the rest of his drink and reached for his wallet. “Understand what huh?” David pushed, “We want to understand but you keep pushing us away, just like you pushing Iman!”

“I can’t marry an outsider!”

The table went silent. “T do you love that girl?” Camden questioned a beat later, his hand stopping T’Challa’s from placing the money for his drink on the table. “More than I could ever explain,” the prince answered. “Then fight for her! Change the law!”

T’Challa places his money on the table, “Who could do that? It is tradition!”

“I thought you were the next king?” David shot back, “act like one and set a new precedent.”

“It is not that easy,” T’Challa insisted.

“It can’t be that difficult either.”

“Goodnight gentlemen,” T’Challa stood and strolled out of the bar.

“Oh shit,” Kenois mumbled as their college friend turned monarch stormed out of the bar. Zoe looked up and froze as his silhouette moved outside. She looked back at her friends once he’d left and they were all ready staring at her. “Go get your closure,” Trina pushed her with a sad smile. Zoe nodded and followed her lover out of the doors.

“Challa, wait!” She called. She sighed in relief as he paused getting in the car. Once she was close enough, he recognized her and pushed her into the car. “Drive around the block,” he ordered before raising the partition. “What are you doing? Someone could have seen us!” Zoe’s nervous smile fell and her anger kicked in. “I’m sorry, I forgot you don’t know me when we’re out in public,” she scoffed.

“It’s not like that and you know it,” T’Challa fell back into his seat. “No, I obviously don’t know that because I thought I could talk to my “friend” in public, but I guess I’m too lowly for that privilege as well.”

“Zoe-,” the king started. “No, just drop me off at home,” the nurse frowned, turning to look out the window. “I apologize Iman,” The king broke the tense silence.

“Um hmm,” she hummed, staring out of the window. “You’re not even going to look at me?”

“I don’t even know the man I would be looking at any more.” Zoe wiped a tear that had fought its way down her face. “I am still the same man,” The Royal reached for her hand and she snatched it away. “Do not touch me,” the woman hissed. “Iman, baby please,” He pleaded, moving closer to her.

“Please what? Ten minutes ago you were angry that I had the audacity to call your name out on the street.”

“It is not like that, you know that I have to keep my charade up in the public eye, there were cameras-”

“Outside of the club. I get that, but you can’t have a friend? It is not like your family does not know who I am. And you’ve been flipping back and forth between women lately like it's a tennis match, no one would even care T’Challa.”

“Those women are different Iman, and you know that.” The king sighed.

“Different how?”

“I don’t love them. I love you, and the media would see it as clear as day on my face if we went out together.”

Zoe Iman froze as T’Challa sighed. “And it was so hard to pick up the phone and say that. You just dropped me like I meant absolutely nothing to you. That hurt me T’Challa.”

“It was not like that,” The king tried to grab her hand again and she moved away. “Then tell me what it was like.”

“I- my father- has selected his top candidate and she became suspicious of us, so I let her delete your contact-”

“But you love me right?” Zoe chuckled and rolled down the partition, “Zoe wait,” the king tried to remove her hand. “Do not touch me your majesty! Okoye, take me home please. I have nothing left to say to his majesty tonight.”

“Okoye, keep driving around,” the king ordered. He grabbed Zoe’s hand and pulled her closer to him, “Let me go!”

“Not until you listen to me!”

“Why, so you can lie to me and then get me in your bed again?” Zoe growled, “Okoye, stop the car!”

“No Iman, listen to me,” The king grabbed both of her hands and fought over what he was about to say to her. “I have to choose a bride soon, and I am tired of lying to you and my father.”

“So what does that mean?”

“I am gonna make everything right,” The king smiled as her posture relaxed slightly, “I promise.”

“I don’t need promises, your majesty, you made enough of those when we had sex in your hotel room last month.”

“But this time I am not drunk,” the king reassured, “and I intend to keep them this time.”

Zoe looked out of the window to think, watching as her neighborhood came into view. “Do not bother your majesty. A drunk mouth speaks a sober mind, and all your sober mind seems to be filled with is empty promises and sweet nothings.” Iman grabbed her things and wiped the tears that had started to fall.

The king’s face fell, “Iman please, I want you-”

“Yes, but just in your bed for the night. Go home to your fiancée,” She sighed digging around her purse for her keys as Okoye pulled up to her driveway. “How did you know I had proposed?”

Zoe-Iman James’s heart broke, as he confirmed what she’d suspected since the night they’d drunkenly fallen into bed two months after he ghosted her, “I didn’t. You just told me.” Her lips quivered as sobs clawed their way up her throat.

The king sat back, the full gravity of what had just happened settling squarely on his shoulders. “Have a good night Your majesty,” Zoe croaked before climbing out of the door that had been opened for her.

A few minutes later, Ayo re-entered the car and Okoye began driving off. “I hope you have made the right decision T’Challa,” the guard raised her eyebrow at the king. “It was the only decision Okoye,” he wiped a tear that had fallen down his cheek. “With all due respect your majesty, all three of us know that it was not.” Ayo frowned before closing the partition to give the young man some space.

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