#i posted this a while ago on twitter after spending a couple hours looking at shooting stars and I wanted to share it here too
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One day, Neil asks Matt if he can borrow his truck for a few days (Andrew is not happy about not taking the Maserati but can he really say no to Neil when the redhead asks for his opinion with the literal sun glinting out of his eyes? Absolutely not). Matt is more than happy to say yes.
Neil and Andrew both take turns driving to the middle of absolutely nowhere. They are lucky enough the sky is clear and Neil is practically bouncing with excitement during the whole drive. They arrive at their selected location several hours away from Palmetto at sunset when the sky is painted in various hues of fiery oranges, reds and yellows as the sun sinks behind hills.
Neil takes out the sandwiches he had packed in a freezer bag and hands one to Andrew who had been spreading an excessive amount of blankets and pillows in the bed of the truck in the meantime. Andrew scowls because they are probably going to get crumbs everywhere in the blankets but Neil is grinning and Andrew wants to kiss him right here and then so he hauls Neil up in the truck next to him and he kisses him. Neil is all too happy to kiss him back for a while until they get interrupted by Andrew’s traitorous stomach making itself known. Neil laughs at it quietly but they have their dinner as the night slowly settles above them.
It’s strangely nice. There is not a sound except for the nocturnal insects occasionally chirping around them. Andrew tells himself they are about to become a mosquito feast but then he turns around to look at Neil and Neil looks just so… peaceful. He has his arms crossed behind his head, his eyes to the sky.
Neil feels his stare on him and then launches into a story of sleeping under the stars with his mom somewhere in the French countryside. His tone turns melancholic, and when Andrew reaches out with his hand, Neil immediately grabs it and squeezes gently. “I’m happy to be here with you, ’Drew” Neil murmurs, and Andrew’s heart stutters in his chest.
The stars are now blinking bright above them. Neil points at a shooting star, but Andrew is too busy watching Neil. He misses it, but it was worth. Neil’s face brightens when he sees another. This time, Andrew follows his scarred finger as it points up. He sees it too.
“You have to make a wish,” Neil claims.
Andrew immediately thinks he already has everything he could ever wish for as his eyes study Neil’s face again. He knows it by heart, but he will never grow tired of watching him. He’s gone soft, he briefly thinks. He doesn’t care. He’s actually as content as he can be to be out in the middle of nowhere with Neil lying on an obscene amount of blankets in the bed of Matt’s truck.
Neil ends up looking back at him after a while. Andrew whispers a quiet “yes or no?”
Lights twinkle in Neil’s eyes, a blue so dark they could rival the night. He leans forward, and meets Andrew’s lips halfway. Andrew’s free hand cups Neil’s cheek while he hauls himself on top of Neil with the other.
This kiss is soft, slower than any other before, but that’s okay.
They have all the time in the world and no one except the shooting stars above them as witnesses.
#i posted this a while ago on twitter after spending a couple hours looking at shooting stars and I wanted to share it here too#i rewrote some parts of it but i still hold this little thing very close to my heart#these two are everything to me i’m not even kidding#anyway i’m gonna go back to having feels now#andrew minyard#neil josten#aftg#all for the game#andreil
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20 Years of Blogging. No, really. (Part 1)
So, twenty years ago Jamie and I were living in the wasteland suburbs of Phoenix, Arizona in a town-turned-bedroom community name of Chandler. We'd moved out to Phoenix in pursuit of a new job for Jamie. But, also, we figured we were young and didn't have that many roots down in the years after college and marrying fairly early (2000). Now seemed a good time for trying new places and things.
It didn't work out.
You can visit Jamie's occasional remembrances of our time in Phoenix, and that's a goodly part of the story. But, also, between Jamie's health, the fact I was working crazy hours, and a general lack of opportunity to meet people, we just didn't know many folks in town that we could call "pal". I either managed or was supervised by the people I worked with, and Jamie mostly worked with men - so she wasn't meeting many women she could pal with- and everyone she worked with seemed to be at a different point in their lives from hanging our with two 20-somethings. That, and, man, if you asked me what the culture was in Phoenix in 2003, I'd say "strip malls and pretending you're rich". We just didn't click with many folks.
So, that's where we were at in some ways.
For technical context, in 2003, we had BBS's, but we didn't really have social media. Facebook as you know it would happen closer to 2007. Friendster and MySpace would happen in quick succession around 2004, but they were barely interactive. If you wanted to email someone when you found them, you could. But including posts and comments and all that came with FB, really. Twitter would happen closer to 2009.
But in 2003, we were experiencing the golden age of blogging.
The web as we know it started happening in the mid-1990's. My first modem came into my possession in 1994 when a guy on my floor, who had just replaced his hardware, was punting his old modem down the hall and was willing to just let me have it. I got an account, got an email address, and was online in 24 hours.
Websites were more or less a thing by 1995 or 1996, so that first year was mostly BBS's and figuring out who had email. Which was PINE, I think.
By the time I was wrapping up college in 1998, my friends were working as web designers for a living, and the first internet boom was off to the races.* While companies looked for angles for how they could sell their stuff online, people were out there creating individual websites, which were hard to set up and maintain until GeoCities and other companies made it possible to set up a light (and often horrible looking) web presence. It was a bold new frontier.
By 1999, I was already working in online video and early streaming efforts, delivering courses to the internet. I was already *very online* by 2003. The last thing I wanted to do when I got home was spend more time putting content on the web.
When we moved to Phoenix, we were suddenly 1000 miles and a couple of time zones from anyone we knew. Add in, I used to sleep about 5-6 hours per night Monday to Friday, but like 10 hours on Saturday and Sunday. Suffice to say, I had some downtime. And pre-blogging, you'd sometimes find yourself sending out missives and correspondence via emails, and you'd have chains of folks you messaged. But not everyone was good about it. Somehow I fell into emailing a lot with a pal from college/ film school, JimD, who would CC folks I didn't yet know into email chains. And thus I met folks like RHPT.
I was also, and had been, into comics, sci-fi, etc... for a good chunk of time. And Jim and I would email about movies and comics, and then one day he suggested I start blogging.
I had no illusions about writing for the comics sites that were mushrooming up at the time. Comic Book Resources. Robot 6. There were others. I can't remember what Heidi's site was before The Beat, if, in fact, she had a different name for it. But as Wizard Magazine self-immolated and failed to bring it's brand of comics nerddom to the internet, the websites gained steam. And there was a pretty good cross-pollination of individual bloggers just writing for the hell of it and folks trying to make it a business.
Folks would set up Blog Rings or Circles, so you knew who their peeps were. And, of course, they'd use good ol' http to make sure they were linking to one another.
But, man, it was the wild west. No one knew who anyone really was. People used handles a lot (I think I was 2 years into blogging before I went by anything other than "The League"), and all the old barriers of zines and magazines and spending money to get to print went away. So it could be literally anyone out there talking comics from any angle they chose. Like Bronze Age funny animals? GREAT. Go get a blog.
But here's the kooky part - and the thing I miss. They were also *personality* blogs. Folks were as likely to discuss a day at the dentist or their passion about stamp collecting as they were about Bronze Age funny animal comics. And that deeply informed what became The League of Melbotis.
In addition to just me and Jamie in Arizona, we also had Jeff the Cat - an utter bastard of an animal who only liked me of all other living things. And, Melbotis. Mel was a 100 lb. golden retriever of great intelligence and an phenomenal disposition. He was so loved that I still get a little teary thinking about the guy.
I grew up with some good dogs, Puffy and Misty, and wanted a dog very badly after Jamie and I got married. Shortly after we got married, some friends of ours split up and moved to separate coasts, and neither could take their dog. So we did. And he became our great pal.
I don't really remember where the name "League of Melbotis" came from. "Melbotis" was his name when we got the dog, and it was some gag between them I won't explain here. The "League of" came - I am sure - from Justice League America and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and something sounding official around our buddy.
Anyway - at some point Jim gave me the right push, I picked Blogger as a platform as the easiest and free-est one to manage, and thus launched League of Melbotis on March 30th, 2003. And a few days later I was like "this is dumb. I'm not doing this." and pulled the plug.
I think it's very hard for people to understand in 2023 that in 2003, employers and people in your life expected for you to present a certain face to the public world, and they didn't love it if they could Google you and up would come something as silly and trivial as comic books. You were allowed to have hobbies and lives outside work, but you weren't to bring them into your work life, and the internet's eye meant that the lines blurred and crossed. So there was concern there.
But, also, I was of the (correct) opinion that it was semi-pointless and useless to put your thoughts into print. This was when having legitimate publishers behind you meant something, so a blog was less than that. Heck, it was thumbing your nose at that idea. Who was I to write down and send my thoughts on anything into the ether?
But then I decided: I'm not using my real name. It doesn't @#$%ing matter.
Though I'd blown away the original blog, it turned out, JimD had somehow stashed the first blog posts, and sent me the text. So the first few posts are very strange as they're recovered from the erased first take at blogging.
For the very earliest posts, which include random thoughts on comics, American Idol, the situation in Iraq and my moment of pause at turning 28 years old, you can visit, why not hop over to League of Melbotis?
It was, as I said, a personality blog. Sure, I talked comics, but as we did back then, I talked about the news, about my dog, about what was on TV... basically anything that crossed my mind became fodder. Because one thing I did want in 2003 was an easier way to stay in touch with people, and have the chit-chat you don't realize you miss until it's gone.
Fairly quickly after the blog launched, I reconnected with some folks I'd lost to time, moving, etc... Friends from childhood, high school, college, etc... popped up shooting me emails. I employed a comment plug-in and conversations started. New folks popped up. Who was this Harms fellow? Strange Canadians eventually showed up.
In an era before centralized social media, I could tell people were checking on the blog during their coffee breaks or in the evening. The sorts of posts I'd make that now would be a one sentence facebook post became lengthy comment threads. Pondering about sports - and I was very in the tank for the Phoenix Suns at the time - drew all sorts of commentary, often from friends of friends.
For good or ill, most of the comments from the first years of League of Melbotis have been lost to time and the ether. That plug-in I was using went defunct, and all my comments went with it. It's a bit of a bummer as I'd like to track when people showed up in my life, but I also think maybe for folks' personal lives and to protect the innocent years on, it's good that our Golden Era of Blogging comments are lost to time.
Because it wasn't all pleasant. As folks engaged in "someone is wrong on the internet" behavior, suddenly I was monitoring and managing arguments between folks who didn't even know each other wanting to debate (endlessly) in the comments, and any attempt to tell them to knock it off was met with fury and "help! help! I'm being oppressed!"
And I'm sure my attempts to keep an open door at The League of Melbotis also both made it easy for these tiffs to start and made it confusing when I had to play Dad. It certainly prepped me for the stuff that would spiral out on facebook and twitter in the 2010's.
So, if my primary mission was to talk to folks outside of the greater Phoenix area on an ongoing basis - that worked out.
My secondary mission was, in an era where Spider-Man movies were now a thing, and people now knew who the X-Men were thanks to High Jackman, to talk about the wide world of comic books, superheroes, and the general hidden corners of pop culture that people generally didn't discuss much in polite society.
There was an element of boosterism. This is an era where one bad movie could have reset everything back to people thinking comics were for children or the mentally deranged (or perverts, which... fair enough). Anyway, I wanted to share my enthusiasm for all-things comics using Superman as a lens.
In truth, I was still learning about Superman at the time (and still am. It's lifelong learning). But I would make a post about a bad time at the post-office one day and then discuss a comic book series the next. Or sometimes in the same post.
I was fascinated by the work of publications like The Comics Journal, or Alter-Ego, but I wasn't trying to turn LoM into a job. I was pretty aware that even my meager government job at the time was a better deal than the gig life of trying to make articles about comics a full time job.
I did link a lot to comics news sites. Newsarama, Robot 6, CBR, The Beat. This was when they wrote actual think-pieces on comics and hadn't traded their credibility for access, and then the death spiral into listicle sites. That all came later. Circa 2003, those sites were excited young adults writing actual articles that had a point of view
And then... sometimes they linked back. Which was amazingly weird.
(End Part 1)
This is a cross-post with the recently revived League of Melbotis blog, which we're using for non-media-related blogging.
*it's here I want to tell the story of how my family tried to tell me in March of 1998 that the media studio I was working at part time wasn't developing pages that would appear on "the real internet". Which is as crazy a story as it sounds like.
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Gracie Abrams Says Hello to 'Good Riddance' Gracie Abrams, the esteemed indie-pop little sister of Taylor Swift and Phoebe Bridgers, dropped her highly anticipated debut album Good Riddance last week, nearly three years after her EP, minor, stole the hearts of Gen Z bedroom-pop fans across the globe. Born to heavy-hitter parents, renowned director J.J. Abrams and Time's Up co-founder Katie McGrath, Abrams burst into the scene over the pandemic. She solidified her sun-soaked spot in Hollywood's limelight with angelic vocals, tender artist-to-fan confessionals and high-profile friendships with industry sweethearts Olivia Rodrigo and Taylor Swift. Soon, she was touring with Olivia Rodrigo on the Sour Tour, tapped for select dates for Taylor Swift's The Eras Tour and headlining (and selling out) shows of her own.The 23-year-old Los Angeles singer-songwriter is gearing up for a huge year of touring, both for Good Riddance and to open for Taylor Swift. The 12-track album was crafted with producer and mentor Aaron Dessner (who worked on Swift's Folklore album and whose sonic presence can definitely be felt in Abram's album). The two spent months laying down folksy tracks at Dessner’s Long Pond Studios in upstate New York, creating close-to-the-heart testimonials about fading romance, hitting the road and the mystery of imperfect relationships. To support the release of Good Riddance, Spotify collaborated with Gracie to help share the story of the album with her devoted fans at LA's The Grove on February 24. The 2011 French romantic comedy Amelie, an obvious influence in the lead single track "Amelie," made a thematic appearance in black-and-white photo booths where fans could live out their own Amelie fantasies with bespoke photo strips.Read on for exclusive photo booth strips and PAPER's behind-the-scenes look at the making of Good Riddance.Congratulations on your debut album. Oh my god. Thank you. I have an Amoeba performance in like an hour. So I'm currently in glam, which is why I'm sparing you my camera.I feel like it's almost too easy to say that Good Riddance is about saying goodbye to a past relationship. Is there a breakup that influenced the making of this album?I wouldn't say it's just a breakup album. It's about a past life and evolving and growing up. Being in my early 20s, I have become hyper-aware of how quickly things can shift. So surrendering to that change is more so the thesis.What was it like to experience the release of your album at the Spotify pop-up activation in LA?It was just really touching that people showed up and felt connected immediately to the record. That's sort of the dream for me — to be able to find community through music. So to be able to spend the day with a bunch of people who just immediately felt like friends was just a really sweet experience. And I'm very grateful that they showed up. It was pouring rain.Speaking of your fans, can you explain the significance of baking cakes? I have never seen so many fans bake cakes for someone in my life.Isn't it funny? During quarantine, I baked a lot of cakes. I went through a large chunk of writer's block and I replaced writing for a while with baking. I'd post about it, so it was a little thing that we shared. When my song "Mess It Up" came out a couple years ago, the music video was also baking-related, because that was significant to my life. At this point, [my fans and I] know each other very well.help pic.twitter.com/blAtIl1YH7— GracieAbramsHQ (@gracieshq) February 25, 2023 So, an inside joke. A chance to connect with you and say like, I've been here the whole time. And I see you and your journey.Literally. It's just so sweet and endearing. But also like painful, because I can't eat any of these cakes.Yeah, you can't eat a Twitter post. When you were making the transition from your past producers to Aaron Dessner, were there any growing pains, or was it a very natural partnership?It was the most natural partnership. It became so immediately obvious to both myself and Aaron that we wanted to spend real, thoughtful time diving into the world that ended up being Good Riddance. I never met someone and instantly told them all of my deepest darkest secrets. And so much of that has to do with how he creates these environments that allow for the artists to show up in their most raw and vulnerable state. I think that's why made the record as quickly as we did. The process challenged me in such a beneficial way to explore and push myself in directions that were not only sonically helpful but also deeply cathartic. The whole thing was the best experience, even when we were writing about kind of really brutal shit. Can you talk about the process of getting into that place of vulnerability?A lot has to do with being in therapy for a couple of years and getting more familiar with myself. I grew up using songwriting as the place where I would go to explore feelings that I didn't feel like talking about with anyone else. I could place blame and complain about shit, even if maybe I was the common denominator. So songwriting is important because I think it's led me to a evolve, reflect and come to a more fair perspective.The album's last track, "Right Now," explores the feelings of being away from your family and friends while you're on the road. Are you excited to be back on the road or do these anxieties that you've voiced hamper that?I've definitely never been more excited for a year of touring. This is only the second year I've done it, so I still feel very new here. But the process of making this album feels so true to who I genuinely am, and this show is an extension of that. It's already been such a hands-on experience in every capacity. So even though it's just about to start, I feel very proud of it. Touring is definitely a specific kind of exhaustion, but I've also never been more energized by anything before. I think last year, if any friend was like, "I want to come to your show," I'd be like, "No, you don't have to... maybe don't." But now I am genuinely so stoked for people to see it. When Aaron and I were making the album, there were so many live elements involved and we kept saying "the songs need, need a band." And with building this relationship with my audience, there's going to be little inside jokes throughout the show and I know it's going to feel very special. I don't take it for granted.Your fans are obviously going deep into the subtexts on TikTok. There seems to be a lot of speculation around the "Amelie" track and if it's about someone in particular.The song is about a really haunting feeling that I had been journaling about for a while. Most of the lyrics come directly from journal entries and conversations that I had with Aaron. The process of making that song was as delicate as the feeling was. We tracked it one time through — Aaron played guitar while I sang and we finished doing it once. We were both like, "Yeah, let's just leave it there." It's an unexpected single in terms of pace and it's not an obvious starting point, per se, but as soon as Aaron and I finished it and before even introducing it to my label, we were like, "This is going to be a single for sure." It means so much to me. I'm so grateful that even one person can tie it to their life in whatever way makes sense for them. But yeah, this is my story.I'm so curious about what outside stimulus — music, books or visual art — helped create this album.When I made this record, I was also touring, so it was chaos. When we made it to upstate New York, in what feels like the middle of nowhere, I finally found the quiet that I had missed desperately. To sit in that, instead of listening to a bunch of music, felt so much more appropriate. I do bring this poetry anthology with me anytime I travel called Risking Everything with so many of my favorite poets. Mary Oliver has been one of my favorite poets for a very long time. I grew up with my mom loving her. She writes often about how fragile nature is and I was very inspired by that.Photos courtesy of Spotify https://www.papermag.com/gracie-abrams-good-riddance-2659487402.html
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𝗶'𝗱 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀
tasm!peter parker x reader
requested? yes summary: the morning after sustaining injuries can arguably before more painful than receiving them, so peter asks for breakfast in bed to cure his injuries faster. word count: 1.7k warnings: cuts and bruises, with some sweet sweet fluff a/n: GAH i just love some good peter fluff!
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
Peter had just crawled back into his apartment in Queens, body aching from the beating it took tonight. Sometimes he wish the criminals of the city would unionize and take a day off every once in a while so that he could catch a break. Originally, there was just a bank robbery a couple blocks away or so; but of course, more sinister villains just had to come out to play.
Setting his mask on the bedside table, he picked up his cell phone instead. The cracked screen emitted as he open his home screen to check his texts. You were supposed to have landed earlier in the evening after spending the weekend at your family house.
But instead of seeing a text or call to signal you had made it home; there was just a voicemail. A voicemail from over three hours ago...
'Hey, Bud! Looks like you're busy - Twitter was going crazy about you, hero. My flight's been delayed due to weather so I'm not gonna be back home till real late... or uh, real early - whatever you consider landing at 2 am. I've already planned to take the subway home so don't worry about me! Well, I mean worry just a little bit so I know you care.'
He chuckled as your little giggle echoed through the fun.
'They're expecting a lot of turbulence so just cross your fingers that the plane doesn't fall out of the sky - I'm kidding! It won't do that... knock on wood. But like, if it did crash or something crazy (which is very rare Peter, don't get paranoid) - I just wanted to tell you-'
BEEP!
The voicemail cut off before you ever finished your sentence. He scrambled to see if anything followed; even checking your Instagram for a story post of the plane taking off. But there was nothing. Only the tiny clock in the corner of the screen that announced it was half past midnight and your plane was (hopefully) still in the air.
So Peter did the only thing that could keep him peace until the morning.
- Have a safe flight! I'll see you tomorrow! - Got your voicemail, there's no way the plane will crash! - Delayed flights stink! I wish you were here to play nurse ~ - You're voicemail cut off and I miss you and I lov—
What was he thinking? Peter couldn't send any of these messages because... because he could lose you if he wasn't careful...
- Hope the plane lands safely! Want to bring pancakes for breakfast?
With a heavy sigh, Peter threw the device onto its charger for the night and headed into the bathroom to assess the damage. He pulled down the suit only to see bruises starting to form and scars still healing over. The most painful injury was a gash that stretched across his ribcage going back. Now he really wished you were here to doctor him up and fuss about he needed to be more careful.
With the wounds mostly cleaned and taken care of, Peter stumbled to his bed in a loose t-shirt and boxers. A t-shirt that held your scent from the last time you had borrowed it. And so he was able to fall into an easy sleep, knowing that he'd see you safe in his own apartment soon after he woke tomorrow morning.
---
It was chillier in the city than when you had initially left. You wished that you had opted for more layers, but it was too late to change now. With a coffee tray in one arm and a to-go sack full of pancakes in the other, you scaled up the stairs towards Peter's apartment. You understood the advantages of him living on the 8th floor, especially for his hero business, but you never understood why he couldn't have gotten an apartment at a complex that had an elevator.
Climbing up the final few steps, you set down the bag at your side to reach for his house key. Peter promised to get you one for your keyring but kept forgetting. But that was just fine because you always knew where he kept his spare - right underneath the 7 in his apartment number.
Unlocking the front door, you allowed yourself into the studio space that was in some sort of disarray. Cups and bowls were piled up in the sink, waiting to be loaded into the dishwasher, while empty cans of various energy drinks littered the floor in the direction of the trash can. Besides these few things, the apartment was relatively clean for a guy who lived by himself and was secretly Spider-Man.
You carried your breakfast items with you into Peter's bedroom where he was sprawled out across the full mattress. It was clear by the tempo of his breath and the twitch of his brow that he would be naturally waking up soon. So you granted him to catch a few extra moments of sleep before really waking him up.
Being careful to stay quiet, you pulled the trays of pancakes out of the bag. You set them onto the dresser, along with the plastic utensils. Then, you crept back out to the kitchen to grab the syrup out of the cupboard and shuffled back in as he began to stir.
Peter's eyes crackled open briefly to catch the glimpse of you sneaking into his room like an angel who came to visit. And in his sleepy state, he really couldn't tell if he was still in his dreams or not. This fine line between consciousness didn't work his favor as he grinned and called out to you, "Good morning, my baby love. Come give me a kiss."
You turned over your shoulder to see Peter, who was definitely sleep talking as he tugged at the cover. But in the action, he exposed his chest to reveal the scattered scratches that nicked across his body. Without a second thought of his words, you escaped to the bathroom to grab fresh bandages and some painkillers to alleviate the ache he was probably feeling.
When you returned, Peter was almost fully awake as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. As he lowered his knuckles, he saw you presenting him with a water bottle and a couple of pills. He smiled lazily, glad to see you safe in his room, and took the pills from your palm with a grateful nod, "Mornin' Bud."
"I'm glad to see you're here all in one piece," Peter spoke, morning voice pronounced before he swallowed.
"I should say the same to you with the condition you're in," You shook your head, snagging the pancakes trays off of his dresser and carrying them over to the bed, "I'm gone for three days and you've managed to get the most beat-up you've been in a while."
"No, just the most beat up I've let you see me in a while-"
"Peter!"
He chuckled lightly, trying not the agitate the bandages and wounds any further after tossing and turning all night. You passed him a tray and his coffee, laying it in his lap, careful to not apply any pressure to hidden injuries.
And you went to stand to retrieve your own, long fingers wrapped around your wrists. Peter tugged you back toward the bed lightly with a smile playing on the corners of his lips, "(Y/N)?"
"Yes, Pete," Your voice like music to his ears.
"I want to have pancakes for breakfast, every day," He fully smiled as a giggle escaped your lips.
You pulled away from his grip and grabbed your own tray of pancakes. Peter shifted over slightly to give you more room to sit closer to him, "You sound like a kid."
Both of you began to eat, the room falling into a comfortable silence. Yet both of you were stuck in your head about what to say. There was this unspoken thing between both of you and had been for a few years now. But there was a shift recently, and now both of you were at a loss for words.
"Uh- What were you going to say in your voicemail?" He asked timidly.
"Hm?" You raised a brow, mouth full of pancakes.
"Your voicemail... it, uh, cut off before you finished your sentence. You said 'I just wanted to tell you-' and it never caught the last part."
"Oh," you swallowed with a bundle of nerves growing in your stomach, "I was just going to say that I wanted you to tell you that you are my best friend."
The quiet washed over the two of you again as the room became warmer. This unspoken affection was becoming frustrating.
"(Y/N)?"
"Yeah, Peter?"
He cleared his throat and attempted to sit up a little straighter, "I wanted to tell you that I want to have pancakes for breakfast every day... with you."
You picked up on the admission and smiled softly, pushing both your trays onto his bedside table. Your fingers found his own and locked together, "Is there anything else you want?"
"I want-" He took in a deep breath, "I want to keep you in my arms and have lazy mornings in bed. And at night, I want you to pull me into your chest and let me listen to your heartbeat fall into rhythm with mine. I want to save all your voicemails and texts in my phone. I want to walk with you to campus and pick you up from the airport in the middle of the night. I want to see you in my bed, ready for sleep, but you stayed up to make sure I get home okay. I want to walk with you to pick up coffee and make pancakes for every meal."
The warmth of your cheeks gave it away that you wanted all the same things as well, "You know what I want, Peter?"
"What do you want, baby love?"
"I want to spend the rest of the day tucked into bed with you while we watch those cheesy reruns of FRIENDS."
Peter smiled widely and lifted to blanket up so that you could crawl into his side with ease as the TV came on.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
#mattie writes#peter parker x reader#peter 3#tasm!peter parker#tasm!peter parker x reader#spider man#mcu#marvel x reader#peter parker#andrew garfield#spider man x reader#marvel#andrew!peter parker x reader#andrew garfield x reader#pancakes for dinner
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The DMCA and You; or, why Tumblr won’t get sued over Post+
I keep seeing people saying “doesn’t Tumblr understand they’re inviting an avalanche of lawsuits” and being baffled that people think this, and then I remembered that most of you were not both alive and in fandom in 1998 and therefore probably haven’t spent hours reading through the DMCA trying to figure out exactly how it was going to screw us. (Turns out we were right, but not nearly pessimistic enough.) So gather ‘round, children, it’s time for another bout of fandom history.
You have to understand what the internet looked like in 1998. Most people didn’t have internet access at home, and for those who did, you got a whopping 54 kbps (yes, that’s kilobytes per second) (compare that to 4G wireless, which 14 Mbps, not to mention, you know, wireless) unless you wanted to shell out for ISDN, which was twice the speed and five times the cost. Only 47% of American adults “went online” at all, never mind the two to six hours per day that current internet users are estimated to spend.
And I mean, why would you? There wasn’t that much there. If you wanted to post something online, your first and best option was to pay for web hosting of your own, or mooch off a friend’s. Or you could get a Geocities site, which would be plastered with ads and limited you to such a small amount of storage that you couldn’t have more than a couple dozen low-resolution images at best, or you could post on a message board (which would be essentially mooching off of a friend’s paid web hosting, because most sites that hosted message boards were just some guy who wanted to have a place to chat with his friends that wasn’t a Yahoo! email list), where you might get permission to post three or four images at a time. Music? Rude, takes up too much bandwidth, don’t do that to people. Video? You’re hilarious. (I once left my computer on for a week while I attempted to illegally download a copy of Velvet Goldmine but I finally gave up and got it from the video store instead.)
But still, at the time that was magic, and as more and more stuff found its way online, somebody who held a copyright somewhere (read: music studios and Disney) realized they had to get out in front of things. And into this brave new world came the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, which was passed in 1998 and was already skewing the shape of the internet of the future when it came into effect in 2000.
It did a lot of dumb things but the one we’re concerned about is the “safe harbor” provision, which basically says that in the case of an online copyright infringement, there are three parties: the infringer, the copyright holder, and the internet host, and the host is not a part of the copyright dispute.
Prior to this, if Sony or Disney or whoever found an illegal copy of their intellectual property (read: an mp3 or an avi) online, they’d go after whoever owned the server it lived on. Which made sense! If you find stolen TVs in someone’s basement, you go after the guy who owns the basement, and “I didn’t know my deadbeat brother in law was stealing TVs” is something you’ll have to prove in a court of law.
But internet companies like Geocities and Yahoo! and anyone else who offered random users the chance to post things on the internet using a free account said wait a minute, this doesn’t make sense. Because the internet is not like a physical basement; we have no reason to see someone carrying stolen mp3s down the basement stairs, and the scale is such that we couldn’t see all of them if we tried (unless we banned all mp3s, which means goodbye, MySpace, and goodbye indie bands). You wouldn’t go after a landlord in New York because their tenant in New Jersey is stealing TVs, would you?
So the DMCA said fine, we understand that the internet as it currently exists, and as it is attempting to exist (remember this is still the height of the dot.com boom and people are making money hand over fist by just owning websites), can’t operate if we try to do this. So instead of letting big companies sue big companies over copyright law, we’ll let big companies sue individual humans over copyright violations. That’s much more fair.
Of course most of what resulted wasn’t lawsuits at all; it was individuals getting threatening letters from Sony and Disney promising them that they were planning to sue but if you, Joe User, will just delete the thing you posted from the internet, we’re willing to make this all go away. And people did, because fuck, who’s going to duke it out with Disney?
The DMCA is the reason tumblr exists in the first place (not to mention twitter, and facebook, and essentially the entire part of the internet that isn’t either an ad or a news website). Technically, if tumblr was responsible for copyright violations, they’re already a prime target for a lawsuit, because they’re running ads on a website where people post copyright violations on a daily basis. Adding the opportunity for you to make money off your copyright violations doesn’t make them any more liable than they already are, which is not at all.
So here’s what predict will happen with Post+ at the beginning: absolutely nothing. A few people will monetize gifsets or fanfiction or vids and no one will pay attention and no one will care. But some small creators, people who post original fiction, people who post craft patterns, people who post insightful analysis, will start using it as part of their actual revenue stream. Sooner or later someone will be making enough money that it pings someone’s radar, and sooner or later someone making money will slip up and post something that could plausibly be a copyright violation, and they won’t get sued. They’ll get a takedown notice, a threatening letter from whoever owns the thing they infringed upon (...so Disney), and they’ll pull the thing. But it’s hard to pull things from the internet, much harder than it used to be, and nearly impossible the way tumblr works. So they get another takedown notice. Or Disney’s lawyers go through their blog with a fine-toothed comb and they start getting more and more unreasonable takedown notices, but now they’re scared and fuck, who’s going to duke it out with Disney? So they take their blog down entirely, and now that person is a little bit poorer and Disney is out the cost of four or five stamps and envelopes and the time their lawyer spent fifteen years ago drafting the takedown notice template.
I guarantee you that the people who decided to implement this know that this is going to happen, and they do not care. We’ve reached the “we could make this website work if we could just get rid of fandom” stage, which never ends well for the website but they never seem to learn that. So please, please don’t try to monetize fandom content on the assumption that tumblr is going to be the one to get slapped with a lawsuit for it, that’s just not how it works. It never has been and it never will be.
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Hey could you please write something with reader's ex leaking some private pictures you two took when you were together just because he's jealous of you and tom, so when tom hears about what happened he is so upset that someone could be this low, he's not even jealous, he is just so mad that he could cry
A/N: Thank you for sending this in, I hope you enjoy! 💕
Warnings: Swearing, mentions of sex, leaking of nudes (this is never okay, I do not condone this behaviour), talks of bad relationships, mentions of stalking (do not read if you are uncomfortable).
You and Tom had been together for just over a year and a half, it had been amazing, you absolutely adored each other and everyone could see it. There was only one negative in your relationship and that came with your ex.
He was an incredibly jealous human being, awful in every way. You broke things off with him after two years of putting up with his behaviour. You'd not been allowed to have male friends, the relationship you had with the men Tom lived with was strange for you at first, at every turn you expected Tom to get angry about how close you were getting. It never happened, Tom adored the relationship you had with the boys and it was quick to reassure you of that fact when you opened up to him about it.
Unfortunately, although he claimed he wasn't in love with you, he couldn't let you go. He was so jealous when he found out you'd moved on that he started stalking your social medias, leaving comments on your posts which led to you blocking him. Of course, this didn't work, he made new accounts in order to find out what you were doing, leaving nasty comments on posts you made to a point where you simply stopped posting as often.
He was tiring and for a while you worried he'd find you, approach you but he never did. You'd been on edge for a short time after making your relationship with Tom public due to the comments he'd leave on your posts. You wondered whether or not he'd ever get over it, let you go but he seemingly wasn't going to anytime soon. It was tiresome, truly but you'd learned to live with it, you continued to block the accounts he made, Tom personally emailing the social media companies in hopes they could put a stop to him but to no avail.
You travelled with Tom a lot, most of the time unless you had family commitments that kept you homebound. This was due to your job and the way it worked, you never needed to be in an office and you could work from anywhere in the world. Book editing meant you had freedom. It made you feel safe, knowing Tom was never far away and when he was filming you could spend time with one of the boys and it brought a huge comfort to you.
You were back in London, in Tom's shared house after a long stretch in the states, you were happy to be back home, have your home comforts. You had been in and out of sleep for the past hour, your phone buzzing like crazy which had resulted in you turning it off, not ready to face whatever it was so early in the morning. That was all well and good until Tom's phone started half an hour later.
"Tom." You lightly shook him in his sleep and he mumbled incoherently in response. "Tom?" You tried harder.
"Y/N, go back to sleep." He grumbled as he pulled you into his chest as his phone started again. You pushed against his chest and his eyes snapped open.
"Tom your phone." You stated and Tom groaned before rolling over and mindlessly fishing for the device, turning it off as well. "It might be important." You said and he rolled back over to pull you into him.
"I'll deal with it later, it's my week off, it can wait." He mumbled into your neck as he sighed out. It didn't take him long to find sleep again as he held you against his chest, his warmth wrapping around you and making you drift into your own sleep.
You're not sure how long you'd been back asleep before you heard banging on your bedroom door. Tom groaning as he squeezed your body and ignored the knocks, hoping whichever boy it was would go away.
"Tom." Harrison's voice pulled you both from your sleepy state. He sounded worried, not his usual calm and chilled out self as he banged on the door again. "You need to get up." He said frantically.
"Fuck off Harrison, I'm tired." Tom shouted back as you sat up and ran a hand over your face. Tom protesting as you sat against the headboard trying to come to. "Darling, come back." He begged, almost childishly, you were about to respond when Harrison piped up again.
"Tom, mate seriously. Get up, it's important." He tried and Tom groaned again before sitting up next to you. "Right, I'm coming in." Haz shouted before opening your bedroom door, phone in hand and face paler than usual.
"Haz what is so important that we need to get up at," Tom started as he checked his watch. "7:30 in the morning."
"You need to check your phones." He said as he threw his phone in your direction. With furrowed brows you picked it up. "I'm so sorry Y/N/N." He said and Tom was quick to grab his phone, turning it on.
"What do you mean? Haz it's early and I've not woken up yet, what's going on?" Tom asked as you scrolled Haz's phone, quiet as a mouse, face dropping. You flicked though the series of pictures that had made their way to twitter, complete and utter disbelief hitting you.
"Her ex." Harrison said as Tom's phone finished booting up, numerous missed calls from his publicist and twitter notifying him that he was trending. "Y/N/N, are you okay?" Harrison asked as he took in your figure.
"How long have these been up?" You asked, eyes not leaving his phone.
"I don't know they were posted overnight." Harrison sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. Numerous pictures of yourself from a couple of years ago staring back at you. Pictures with your ex in very compromising positions mocking you as you looked at them.
You nodded slowly as you swallowed down your emotions, you lifted a shaky hand to run through your hair. The internet had practically seen you for what you were, seen things that were meant for a significant other. Pictures of yourself you'd sent to your ex before things got bad between the two of you.
"Fucking piece of shit." Tom whispered as he himself saw what Harrison had been talking about. You felt like crying, the lump in your throat felt heavy as you tried to swallow it down, tears blurring your vision as you looked at the pictures.
"Sweetheart," Tom started as he took Harrison's phone from your hand and handed it back to his friend. Harrison took it and quickly made his way from your room, he knew you were seconds away from breaking down and you needed your privacy.
"I thought he'd deleted them." You whispered to more yourself than anyone else. "I sent those at the beginning of our relationship, fucking idiot." You said to yourself and Tom pulled you into him as your tears fell, silently crying.
"You're not an idiot. This is on him, not you. I'm so sorry." Tom said as he held you. "He had no right to do that."
"Is he ever going to leave me alone?" You cried and Tom's heart shattered there and then in his chest. This man had been a tormenter for years, too long and he had been cause for your tears numerous times over your relationship.
"He is. I swear to god this is the last time." Tom promised as he held you tight against him. His phone rang yet again and he huffed out in annoyance as he lifted an arm, reaching for his phone. "Hey, I'll call you back." Tom said into the phone, you didn't hear the response. "No, this is more important, I'll talk to you later." Tom snapped before hanging up the phone and throwing it to one side.
You became a sobbing mess, the world having seen parts of yourself you never wanted them to. You wanted to disappear off the face of earth, how were you supposed to go out in public after this? How were you supposed to face the people you knew? Your mind was racing, thoughts embedding themselves as you thought more about what would happen. You only cried harder as you thought about it.
Tom comforted you through your breakdown, reassuring you that it was going to be okay. He was in complete shock, how could someone do this? He wanted to cry as he held you, his heart was broken for the woman in his arms. He listened as you eventually calmed down, breathing steadying as you pulled away from his chest and wiped your face.
"I'm gonna do something about this, I promise." Tom comforted and he watched as a defeated look spread across your face.
"What does it matter? The world has seen them now." You smiled sadly, realising there was nothing you could do. He'd taken things to a knew level, one you would never hear the end of. "It's my own fault, I never should have sent them." You bit your lip as you tried to hold back more tears.
"No baby, don't do that. Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault." He said as he sat across from you, taking your hands into his own. You couldn't look him in the eye, what if he hated you for this? This was something people could use against him now, what if he was disgusted you ever sent them to him.
"Stop it." Tom said softly, he could see you reeling, see your thoughts consuming you. He always knew, he said you had this look on your face and in your eyes, he knew you like the back of his hand. "Don't, I know what you're thinking and this isn't your fault."
"Look at me," Tom encouraged as he took your chin in his hand and forced your gaze into his own. "I promise this is going to be okay." He comforted and the look in his eyes was so comforting, so safe. No judgement, nothing hiding behind them, he was heart broken for you, you could see that in the tears that were slightly welling in his eyes.
It wasn't that you were against sending pictures to your partner, you and Tom had sent your fair share to each other. But you had learned a valuable lesson, you'd deleted every picture between you and your ex because that was the right thing to do, right? But he hadn't, he'd kept them and it made you uncomfortable as to why? Why would he want to keep those pictures? Why would he release them for the world to see?
"One minute." Tom said as he got off the bed and made his way into the en suite. You heard running water and you knew he was running you a bath, the evidence in the smell of flowers filling the room as he added your favourite bubble bath. He reappeared after a while.
"Come on. I've got some calls to make so you have a bath." He said as he held his hand out for you. Your heart warmed but you sighed as you took his hand and stood up.
"This isn't your mess to clean up Tom, it's mine." You mumbled and Tom shook his head as he tugged you slightly into the bathroom.
"If it affects you, it affects me. I'm gonna do everything I can to protect you. I love you okay? This isn't your fault and I'm gonna put an end to his shit, I've had enough. I'm gonna do something about him." Tom said and you smiled sadly.
"Thank you." You said and Tom smiled as he gestured for you to get into the bath.
"I'll be back in a while. I'm gonna talk to my legal team, see what I can do. You just try and relax and I want you to promise me that you'll stay off social media today." He said and you nodded as he smiled in comfort at you, kissing your forehead as he left the bathroom and made his way downstairs, grabbing his phone and putting some sweats on as he did.
"How is she?" Harrison asked, almost as soon as Tom entered the living room. Tom sighed as he turned to his best friend.
"She's upset. Blames herself for ever sending them." He said and Haz furrowed his brows.
"This is that twats fault. I swear if I ever see him again I'm gonna punch the smug look he always has right off his fucking face." Haz said.
"You'll have to get in line. I could kill him for what he's done." Tom said, he was so upset that you'd been put through this. "I want to fucking cry for her Haz, she's devastated." Tom continued as Tuwaine made his way into the room.
"That man is a fucking dick." He ranted straight away, Harry agreeing as he made his way in. "I can't believe the shit he's pulled." He continued.
"He's was so open about it, posting them onto his personal twitter account." Harry said in disbelief.
"I'm hoping that was his biggest mistake, what I can get him for." Tom said as he scrolled his contacts, pulling up the head of his legal team.
"What's the reaction online?" Haz asked carefully and Tuwaine shook his head.
"Half and half, some people are defending her, some are mocking her, others judging. It's a mess, people wanna know how Tom feels about it, some Y/N. I don't know, I tried not to look too much." Tuwaine sighed and Haz gave a tight nod as he grabbed his phone and vigorously started to type.
Tom left the room as he held the phone to his ear, on the phone with his legal team. Disappearing to talk in private. Harrison finally finished his typing as Tuwiane and Harry's phone pinged, Harrison's tweets coming to their attention.
There are no words for what has happened to my two best friends. What this man has done is disgusting and in no way Y/N's fault, please stop circulating the pictures. They were posted without her consent and she is hurting enough without people mocking her. Leave her alone, leave Tom alone. You will hear from them when they are ready.
Harry and Tuwaine retweeting the tweets before adding their own in support of you. You were close to them all, they were like your brother's.
"Do you think she'll be okay?" Harry asked.
"I don't know. This is just awful, I can't believe this has happened." Tuwaine said and watched as you appeared in the living room, you had your pyjama pants on, one of Tom's hoodies consuming your upper half as you looked sheepishly around the room.
"Y/N, I'm so sorry this has happened." Tuwaine said as he pulled you into his chest, squeezing you in comfort. "It's okay, we're gonna get you through this." He promised and your heart warmed as you hugged him back.
There was a part of you that wondered how much the boys had seen, it made you feel strange around them. What if they'd seen the pictures of your intimate parts?
"I didn't look." Tuwaine said, almost as if he could read your thoughts. "I saw enough to know when to stop scrolling, enough to know what had happened." He reassured as the boys voiced the same.
"Okay, he's gonna do some digging, see how far he can take it. See what he can get him done for." Tom said as he reappeared, you instantly leaving Tuwaine's arms for your boyfriends.
"Is it looking promising? That we can press charges of some sort against him?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, he's just said he'll see if he can take more action. He's already contacted twitter and they're trying to put a stop to the sharing of the pictures. The rest of the sites the same." Tom said as he squeezed you tightly, chin resting on top of your head.
Tom's phone rang again and he pulled it from his pocket, sighing as he watched his publicists name flash across his screen. This was the phone call he was dreading because his PR team didn't give a fuck how you looked, it was all about Tom. This wasn't about him.
"Hello?" Tom said as he answered, he couldn't ignore them forever.
"Tom! Finally!" He heard the shrill screech of her voice and he grimaced as he did. He moved you both to sit on the couch, sitting you on his lap as he cuddled you. "Have you seen the internet?"
"Yeah." Tom said, almost annoyed.
"Y/N needs to put out a statement." She said and Tom huffed, anger building in him.
"Y/N doesn't need to do anything. She will address this if and when she is ready." Tom snapped.
"Tom this will make it look bad for you if neither of you address it. Some people are speculating she's cheated." She replied and your stomach dropped as you overheard her. Tom shifted you onto the couch as he got up, placing a kiss to your lips as he disappeared again. You didn't need to hear any of this.
"I don't give a shit to be honest. She hasn't cheated, these photos where posted without her consent. This isn't about me, this is about her." Tom snapped.
"But Tom, you are Spiderman, your girlfriends nudes have been leaked, pictures of her with another man have leaked." She snapped back and Tom's anger hit breaking point.
"I don't care. I just told you that. I'm not going to force her to do a thing she doesn't want. I don't care that I am Spiderman, what happened to her is wrong and I'm gonna stand by her."
"About that." She said Tom's heart dropped.
"What?"
"We think it might be best if you distanced yourself from her. Make it look like a slight break." His publicist said and Tom's anger hit the roof at the suggestion. His publicist had never been fond of your relationship, they wanted him to date other celebrities, he'd fought them for ages on this front.
"Not happening. This is devastating for her, you really think I'm gonna abandon her? You know what? If anyone thinks negatively about me or her, that's on them because what has happened to her is wrong. How do you think that will look? I can just see the headlines. Tom Holland leaves girlfriend after nudes where leaked without her consent. What sort of a message does that send to people? Did you think about that? Or is this just you taking another opportunity to try and get me seen with someone you approve of?" Tom screamed, the house heard.
"I, I suppose I hadn't thought about that." She stumbled out quietly. Tom pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to calm himself.
"I don't want to hear anything more about this. I'm going to deal with this my way. This isn't about me, this about her and sticking by her, which I am going to do. Whatever you might say. The fact that you hadn't thought about what I've just said makes clear to me that I can't trust you with this one and maybe I should be looking for someone I can." Tom snapped.
"I'm sorry, I'll leave you be. We'll try and do what we can here." She said and Tom didn't even feel guilty for blowing out on his publicist, the team could be the biggest wankers he'd ever met anyway.
"Tom, you'll get in trouble." You said as he made his way back into the room. He sat down next to you, pulling you into his side as he kissed your head.
"I don't care. This isn't about me, they need to realise that." Tom spoke into your hair. He pulled his phone from his pocket as he typed away, minutes later and everyone's phone had pinged, Tom had posted to Instagram. It was a picture of the two of you, one taken over winter in by the fire.
I'm sure many of you have seen what has happened. I'm devastated someone would do this, these pictures were posted without her consent. This man kept these pictures for over two years and then posted them. I ask that you stop judging and just think for a second how this would make you feel, if it was you in this position. She trusted him enough to send those images and he broke that trust, it's so wrong.
I ask that you stop posting the pictures, they are not yours or mine to post. There is no cheating involved, this man has caused enough distress for Y/N and I will not let it continue. I want you to support her and send love, it's what she deserves. She's my best friend and my lover, I stand by her 100% on this, I will not tolerate any abuse sent her way.
Please understand that she is not ready to address this and if she never is that's okay. She doesn't have to, this isn't her fault and she has nothing to apologise for. I love her and I hope to see your continued support of her, much love Tom x
He switched his phone off as he looked at you, he wanted nothing more than to make this go away for you, he wanted to hide you from the world, keep you safe. He had to swallow his tears again, heart aching from what this man has done to you, he couldn't stop himself pulling you tighter against him as he tried to keep his tears at bay..
"It's gonna be okay, I promise. I love you." He said into your hair as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled yourself to straddle him. You pulled each other impossibly closer and the boys smiled at the interaction, no matter what was going on the world, the two had each other. They had each other's backs and it was heart warming to see, to know they had all the support they would ever need in each other.
#tom holland x reader#tom holland x y/n#tom holland angst#tom holland x female reader#tom holland one shot
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Hii i have this request in mind like Chris Evans x Actress! Singer! Reader like the reader and chris dated for 3y idk but they broke up but the reader always visit chris’ family bc she treated them like family aswell specialy when the reader’s parents died so she spend Christmas there or any occasions bc chris’ family invite her and when chris got a new gf the reader is kinda hurt bc she still love chris but she try to look like she doesn’t care but then she released her new song its called deja vu (by olivia rodrigo) and she release it to her bday so when the song is released the fans knew its abt chris bc of the new gf (chris’ fam doesn’t like the new gf and the fans kinda didn’t support them bc of the girl’s attitude) and chris’ family invites her over bc they want to show the reader something and when the reader got there they surprise her for her bday and congratulate her and turns out chris is there too with his new gf🤨and the reader knew chris’ new gf hated her bc of her look and scott called you all to the living room and watch the mv of the reader’s new song and when the mv ends scott and the fam congratuleted the reader and chris’ gf is giving the reader looks again and chris is noticing it and when the reader is in the kitchen alone getting something chris talk to her and congratulate her and chris’ new gf wrapped her arms around chris and chris tried to stop her to make a scene but she started a scene and scream at the reader but the reader cut her off and embarrassing her and the reader prove the new gf shes first not her (idk if that make sense lol) and the new gf leave(idk you can make her a random name so its not only “new gf”) and the reader and chris talk and they got back together, you can do wha you want at the end this is just so random bc i was listening to deja vu and advance thank you if you do my request! Stay safe! ❤️ and im so sorry if this is so long
Deja Vu
pairing: Chris Evans x singer!reader
warnings: parents death, major angst, fluff.
a/n: thank you for the request! Hope you enjoy!
You had known Chris since college, when you had met him in your communications class. You two had grown close quickly, and became best friends.
He brought you home every Christmas Eve, before you would go home to your parents house on Christmas Day. You had always felt like a part of the family, so when your parents passed a way, you turned to him.
You and your parents were driving home from a Christmas Day church service, when you were hit by a semi truck. It had completely totalled the car, and your parents had died on impact. You had been sitting in the back, and only had a broken leg from where your moms seat had been pushed back into it roughly.
You had been pulled from the car and sat in a second ambulance, while your parents were transported in another. You knew you'd never forget watching that ambulance door close and drive away, knowing that was the last time you'd ever see them.
When the police officers asked if there was anyone you could call, you didn't know what to do. Your parents were both only children, so you had no aunts, uncles or cousins. You were an only child too, so you had no siblings, and your grandparents had passed when you were little, your other ones passing before you were born.
So when the officer asked you, you told him the Evans’ phone number. Lisa picked up on the second ring, and you tearfully explained what had happened as the shock wore off. She immediately said she’d meet you at the hospital, and not to worry, that she and Bob would take care of you.
You were taken to the hospital and treated for your broken leg. Less than an hour after you arrived, Lisa arrived at the hospital with Chris in tow. They comforted you, and took you home with them. You stayed in Chris’s room for the first few days, and when you were given your own room, you still had a hard time sleeping alone, so Chris ended up in your bed with you most nights, not that he minded.
You never went back to college, and instead turned to singing as a release from all the pain you were feeling. You started out posting covers on YouTube, and gradually progressed to getting a record deal with Interscope Records, which didn't surprise anyone who knew you. You had immense talent, and your parents used to tell you that they were counting down the days before you were a celebrity.
When Chris graduated college and told you he was moving to Los Angeles, he convinced you to come with him. Prices were high in LA, and he didn't want to be separated from you for too long, so you joined him. He got to be an actor, and you got to be a singer, which is what you both had wanted since you were younger.
You went to every one of Chris’s movie premieres, and he attended as many of your live shows as he could. You supported him through all his relationships and his breakups, and played the middle man whenever he and Jenny would fight, up until the very end. You told yourself you did that because you just wanted what's best for him, but you both kind of knew that wasn't the reason at all.
Throughout your time living together, you friendship grew, as did your feelings for each other. You'd be lying if you didn't have a small crush on him in college, and those feelings only grew as time went on, especially since the two of you decided to only get a one bedroom apartment. Mainly because it was cheap, but also because Chris made a decision a week after your parents death to never allow you to sleep alone because of the nightmares that would occur if he wasn't there.
So, when you won your first award for your first album, named ‘hand in hand’, he kissed you the second you came off the stage with your award in hand. It blew your mind that he felt the same, but you were happy nonetheless. You two began dating that night, and everything was perfect.
Until, you were invited by 5 Seconds of Summer to be their opening act on their newest tour. You had agreed, and Chris let you go. You two had been dating for over 3 years, and you thought your relationship would be fine.
You quickly realized however that that wasn't the case, when the two of you started fighting less than two weeks into the tour. The fights weren't anything major, more petty things like ‘did you change the Netflix password’ or ‘why did you take this piece of clothing, that was mine and it was my favourite.’ All around stupid fights.
You had turned to Calum, who you were closest with, and he consoled you as much as you could. You realized however, that you couldn't be with Chris anymore when he drunk called you in the middle of the night while you were in the UK and got angry with you when you answered and told him to call you back in the morning when he was sober, to which he proceeded to brag that he slept with his co star at the time, Jessica Alba, you freaked out and ended things.
You got a message from Jessica on instagram the next day letting you know that they did not sleep together, and that she was sorry he even said it. You assured her it was fine, and felt relief.
Relief because you got to the bottom of the situation, but also relief from your relationship. You didn't know what happened in those few weeks, but you knew the relationship was turning toxic, and you wanted to stop it before that happened. Neither you or Chris needed that. You told him you’d find a new place to live, and by the time tour ended, you bought yourself a house in Beverly Hills, and moved out of the apartment.
Chris moved out not long after, and bought his own house. He had tried to stay friends with you, but you didn't want that at that point in time. You were still hurting, and needed time to heal.
Once you felt ready to date again, you were asked to be Calum’s date to the Peoples Choice Awards, you accepted. You knew Chris would be there, and you were hoping to talk to him, and maybe work it out. He had told you during the break up that he would always wait for you to come back, and that he still loved you, and always would.
But you knew that wasn't the case when he showed up on the red carpet, with a new actress named Myra Woodfield. You had smiled at him, while trying not to break down inside, but he gave you a dirty look and rolled his eyes at you when Calum wrapped his arm around your waist for a picture. You furrowed your eye brows and took a good look at Myra.
She looked almost exactly like you. Same build, same hair colour, same eye colour. The only difference is that she was slightly taller than you. You didn't know why he was replacing you, but it hurt. You pushed it out of your head however, and enjoyed the night with your best friend.
It was a few months later when you were awoken by the constant dinging of your phone. You unlocked it, and saw you had a lot of unread messages from Luke, Ashton, Michael, Calum, and your other best friend Ashe about Chris’s new movie trailer, you sighed.
You watched the trailer, and sighed when it looked like a recreation of a bunch of moments in your relationship with him, only Myra was in your place.
Your fans and some of Chris’s had commented on it, and Myra immediately became aggressive with them, and insulted them. She told them that you were a nobody who could make Chris happy, which she was glad about because she made him happy how.
Within minutes of this happening the hashtag #cancelmyrawoodfield was trending on twitter. You shamelessly went through the tweets and like and retweeted a couple. Then an idea popped in your head.
With a quick google search, you had a plan.
You had written a new song called Deja Vu after the peoples choice awards, and it was had been recorded a few weeks ago, and you just had to decide on a date to release it, and make a decision on the music video. Her birthday was in about 3 months, which gave you enough time to get everything in place to drop on her birthday.
Was it evil? Yes. Did you care? Not really. Besides, you inherited your pettiness from your mother and you knew she’d be proud of you. You called your manager and label, and got it planned out.
When the new music video had been announced, Lisa called you and invited you home to watch it premiere with the family. You accepted, knowing Chris and Myra would be there, and that her birthday would get overshadowed by the release of your music video.
So, three weeks later, you were sitting with Lisa, Bob, Carly, Shanna, Scott, Chris and Myra in Lisa’s living room, waiting for the video to premiere.
Scott had picked you up at the airport earlier in the morning along with Carly and Shanna, and the four of you had a laugh about the face that no one acknowledged Myra’s birthday, not even Chris. It was mean, but no one liked her.
Lisa absolutely hated her, but didn't want to upset Chris, so you got a call shortly after the PCA’s from her and the two of you ranted about her for a good two hours.
You watched as the timer counted down from 10, and then the screen turned black. You took a deep breath and watched Chris out of the corner of your eye.
You had searched for a while for a guy who looked similar to Chris, and you stumbled on Andrew Siwicki. He didn't look exactly like Chris, but it was close enough that everyone would know who the song was about if they didn't already. Andrew was a fan of Chris and hated Myra too, so he was more than glad to help you out.
The music began to play, and you watched as the black screen faded in on two people walking along the beach, holding hands.
“Car rides to Malibu Strawberry ice cream One spoon for two And trading jackets Laughing 'bout how small it looks on you,”
The next scene was a recreation of yours and Chris’s first date where you two had a picnic on the beach, and ended up splashing each other with the ocean water. Towards the end, everyone watched as Andrew picked you up and threw you into the water the same way Chris always did.
You glanced at him, and could have burst into laughter at how uncomfortable Chris looked, but more importantly how angry Myra looked.
“Watching reruns of Glee Being annoying Singing in harmony I bet she's bragging To all her friends, saying you're so unique, hmm,”
The next scene was you and Andrew (who was dressed as Ransom) on what appeared to be a recreation of the Knives Out set, running around with a dog that looked like Dodger chasing after you, the two of you laughing. The next shot was the two of you kissing behind a trailer, seemingly hiding from production.
“So when you gonna tell her That we did that too? She thinks it's special But it's all reused That was our place, I found it first I made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you,”
The next scene was the two of you driving through Southern California, in a car that was almost identical to Chris’s. You two were laughing and singing along to the song, your hair whipping around you.
You took a deep breath, knowing this next scene would piss him right off.
“Do you get déjà vu when she's with you? Do you get déjà vu? (Ah), hmm Do you get déjà vu, huh?”
This scene was you, along with the rest of Chris’s family sitting around a living room that looked like the one you were in now, a Christmas tree full of presents in the corner. The camera panned across everyone as everyone was talking and settled on you and Andrew and the two of you recreated the scene where Chris whispered in your ear how much he loved you, and couldn't wait to start a family with you.
“Do you call her Almost say my name? 'Cause let's be honest We kinda do sound the same,”
The screen showed you and Andrew saying goodbye at the airport, with 5 Seconds of Summer standing behind you. They weren't actually there when you left for tour, but Luke suggested it to piss Chris off, and you had agreed.
Then there was a small montage of clips from tour, including a shot of Michael elbow dropping Ashton into a pool, which made everyone laugh, except Chris and Myra. The montage was followed up by you sitting on the floor of a dressing room and crying as you sent a text that said “I’m done.”
“Another actress I hate to think that I was just your type,”
Now you were on the red carpet, with Calum right beside you. You both were wearing the same clothes you wore on that night, you hair and makeup recreated perfectly. The camera unfocused on you as you turned and looked at Andrew and an actress named Alexa Morrison, who looked a lot like Myra, and they were recreating Chris and Myra’s actions perfectly. The camera swivelled around and came to rest pointing towards your face, as you looked in shock, and a single tear fell down your face.
“I'll bet that she knows Billy Joel 'Cause you played her Uptown Girl You're singing it together,”
You were shown watching a movie trailer with Ashe sitting next to you, while you sobbed at what Alexa and Andrew were doing. You looked at the camera and began singing the song, while Ashe and everything else around you was frozen.
“Now I bet you even tell her How you love her In between the chorus and the verse (ooh) (I love you),”
You were sat on the bed in Chris’s red flannel that you had stolen before leaving for tour, and you were writing in the notebook aggressively with tears rolling down your face and singing.
“So when you gonna tell her That we did that too? She thinks it's special But it's all reused That was the show we talked about Played you the song she's singing now when she's with you,”
You were now being shown sitting on the couch, and watching Andrew run across the TV screen dressed as Captain America, an ice cream tub in your hand. You were wearing sweats and a t shirt, your hair in a messy bun.
“Do you get déjà vu when she's with you? Do you get déjà vu? Oh Do you get déjà vu?”
The camera circled around you before transitioning to the next scene.
“Strawberry ice cream in Malibu Don't act like we didn't do that shit too You're trading jackets like we used to do (Yeah, everything is all reused),”
You were shown laying down in bed, and your eyes closing before an image of you and Andrew danced, dressed as Steve and Peggy in endgame, a scene Chris always told you the two of you would recreate one day. You had called Hayley and asked if it was okay, and she immediately said yes, and even came and watched you do the scene.
“Play her piano, but she doesn't know (oh, oh) That I was the one who taught you Billy Joel (oh) A different girl now, but there's nothing new (I know you get déjà vu),”
When your eyes opened, you were sitting at your piano, and playing while singing along.
“I know you get déjà vu I know you get déjà vu,”
Suddenly, the piano disappeared, and you were left standing in an empty living room as the screen faded to black.
The entire room burst into cheers as the video ended, except for Myra, who looked like she was going to murder you, and Chris who just clapped with a tight lipped smile.
Later that night after all the kids had gone to bed and Lisa was driving Bob home, Scott had pulled you into the kitchen under the pretences of ‘helping him fix a drink’, which ended up just being the two of you gossiping about Chris and Myra, and the music video.
Suddenly, Chris walked in, and nodded for Scott to leave. You cleared your throat and ignored him.
“That was a good song, and an amazing music video.” He said. “I can see you're just getting more and more talented as time-” He began, as you rolled your eyes, and looked at him.
“What do you want?” You asked bluntly.
“I just wanted to congratulate you.” He said, and you were about to open your mouth, when Myra came slinking in the room with an evil look on her face.
“Nice job, Y/N. I’m glad I could inspire your music video.” She said sarcastically, and you could tell Chris was about to defend you, but you opened your mouth first.
“Well, I’m glad I had such a snake like bitch to draw inspiration from,” You said, and heard Scott, his siblings burst into laughter in the living room. Myra’s jaw dropped and she turned to look at him. You looked up at Chris, who was leaning up against the counter, and biting back a smile.
“You’re just going to let her talk to me like that?” She asked, and Chris sighed.
“Myra, don't start. Not now.” He said, she scoffed.
“I knew you still loved her. Only a pathetic loser could love someone as ugly and untalented as her.” She spat, and Chris growled. You felt tears welling up in your eyes, and you ran out of the room, your drink abandoned on the counter.
You ran into your bedroom, where you shut the door, and fell onto the bed in tears.
Back in the kitchen, Chris had gotten in Myra’s face, and was yelling.
“DON’T YOU DARE TALK TO HER LIKE THAT! SHE’S BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH SHIT IN HER LIFE, AND I WON’T ALLOW YOU TO ADD TO THAT!” He screamed, as Scott, Carly, and Shanna ran to the door, unsure of what to do. “SHE IS SO TALENTED, WAY MORE TALENTED THAN YOU! YOU’RE THE REASON PRODUCTION TOOK SO DAMN LONG, IT TOOK FOREVER TO GET A PERFORMANCE OUT OF YOU! YOU OPENLY INSULTED HER AND HER FANS HOURS AFTER YOU WERE ANNOUNCED TO BE IN THIS MOVIE, AND THEN HAD THE AUDACITY TO COME TO ME CRYING BECAUSE YOUR LITTLE FEELINGS GOT HURT!” He screamed, and Shanna ran and backed Chris away from her.
“YOU’RE MY BOYFRIEND! AND ITS MY BIRTHDAY, YET HERE YOU ARE, CONGRATULATING HER FOR A SHITTY MUSIC VIDEO!” Myra screamed, and it was Scott’s turn to get in her face.
“You need to leave. If you don't we’re going to call the cops.” He stated, and Myra rolled her eyes before storming out of the house.
Scott turned back to Chris, and was shocked when he saw him in tears.
“You need to work shit out with Y/N. It’s clear the two of you are still in love, and you need to figure it out as adults,” Scott said, his sisters nodding. Chris took a deep breath, and looked at your closed bedroom door.
Chris walked up to your bedroom door, and took a deep breath before entering the room where he used to sleep in every night.
He opened the door, and saw you curled up in a ball on the bed, your body still shaking. He smiled sadly, and walked into the room, closing the door behind him. He sat on the bed behind you, and rubbed your back gently.
“I’m sorry. Not just for what Myra said, but for everything. For breaking your heart, and for causing you so much pain. I didn't realize how much I was missing you too until we watched that music video and I saw how truly broken you were. I never noticed that before now. And I’m sorry I didn't. If I’d have, I could have fixed this sooner, and we could be together right now.” He said.
You furrowed your brows at his last sentence and sat up.
“W-What?” You asked, and Chris moved closer. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a hug.
“I still love you. So so much.” He smiled, and a tear rolled down his face. “You're my entire world, and not having you here is slowly breaking me apart. I didn't know just how much until today, but I can't live another day without you.” He said. “I’m so sorry I hurt you baby.” He sobbed, and his head buried itself into your hair. Your body shook with sobs too, and you turned around to face him.
“I love you too.” You sobbed out. “I never should have ended things, but-” You said, but were cut off by Chris’s lips on yours, and you felt yourself melting into it.
He pulled away a few seconds later. “Don't. It was my fault, not yours. I am so sorry, and I am going to spend the rest of my life making up for it, I promise.” He said, as he stood the two of you up and led you out of the room, and to his.
“Where are we going?” You asked, and Chris pressed a kiss to your cheek.
“I have to grab something.” He said. He opened his closet, and grabbed something out of the top corner before turning to you.
“I said I planned on spending the rest of my life making it up to you, and I plan on keeping that promise.” He said, as he got down on one knee. You gasped, as he opened the box and your dream engagement ring was inside. “I want you for the rest of my life, and the next. Will you marry me?” he asked, tears pouring down his face, just like yours.
You nodded enthusiastically, and Chris stood up. He placed the ring on your ring finger and scooped you up. “I love you,” You choked out, and Chris sobbed harder into you.
“I love you too, and I’m never letting you go.”
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Not The Same (GeorgeNotFound)
summary : you put out a song, but it attracted the wrong type of crowd and caused too many misunderstandings.
trigger warnings : threats (including death and doxing), panic attacks, taking of meds.
"you're THOSE type of fans, huh?" you read the comments on your newest song release.
and that was the start of your downfall.
-
you and your dad really enjoyed singing. at any opportunity you two got, you would be doing a duet.
whether that would be at at a close relative's wedding or your at home karaoke set up, you two knew how to entertain people.
though singing was your passion, you ended up being too busy with school and trying to graduate with a diploma to even think about singing again.
but you swore to make a career of your singing after high school. you just loved it too much.
but then, you didn't go to college for music, which pretty much shocked your parents and your friends since they knew your only passion in life was singing.
but you took a different direction. you still wanted to sing and you were trying your hardest to find a way to make that your career.
someday, anyway. but you needed to have a plan to fall back into in case anything goes wrong.
you were a realist, after all.
so off to college you went.
you spent long hours studying for tests after tests, sat through hours of lectures, did endless amounts of projects.
in the end, it was all worth the wait and fatigue. you graduated top of your class.
you went off to be an intern, clocked in more hours before you could fully go into the next phase of your life.
and after those long hours, you finally made the decision (with the support of your parents) to take a gap year.
but before anyone panics. your gap year was not all fun in games where you took to rest and lay in bed all day.
you took the gap year to see if the music industry fits you. to see if you even had the chance to succeed.
and if it did, you could finally have your dream job. but even if it didn't you were not going to be upset if you needed to fall back onto your backup plan.
in the duration of the gap year, you took voice lessons, and poetry classes for song writing.
and with whatever you have learnt, you took that into writing songs that you felt really relate to your life experiences.
so you spend at least a couple months writing multiple songs.
after almost 2 years, you finally came out with your first song. and it definitely got recognition. more than you thought you'd get, if you were being completely honest.
and that was what pushed you to sit your ass back on your desk to write more, and go into your makeshift studio and make the words into songs.
your parents were ecstatic to hear that you were finally doing the things you loved. and you knew you'd never get this far if it weren't for your family's support.
and so your music journey began.
it was going well for years. you were finally happy doing the one thing you enjoyed doing.
and you definitely think you were good at it. seeing and hearing the positive feedbacks from your family, friends and listeners.
you felt good.
but you lost that feeling when you came out with a new single, called ‘fan of you’.
you spent a while working hard on that song and you felt relieved when it was finally released. it was like a weight was lifted off your shoulders.
and you weren’t sure how one thing led to another, if you were being honest. at first, you received good feedback for your new songs. you even gained new listeners and your spotify rank rised.
but then it didn’t anymore.
your twitter flooded with mentions and your instagram full of tagged pictures and dms by accounts you’ve never heard of.
but you noticed a similarity with all of the spam. a guy name george. georgenotfound for short.
you being you, you looked into it. and that was when all of the information hit you. and all you had to look up was your name on twitter, and there it was, the longest thread of tweets you have ever seen in your life.
you took time to read it all, trying to make sure you didn’t miss anything crucial.
there must be an understanding. you didn’t know this guy name george. you’ve seen his face on pinterest once a while when you scrolled, yes. but you never looked into him.
this amazing person took their time to gather every bit of information there was about the scandal, which you were grateful for, or else you’d be scouring the internet for hours.
to summarise what you read, there was this artist by the name of tia jade who came out with a song a few months prior to yours called ‘just a fan.’
it was a good song, some say, and you could agree. it was professionally written and produced. but many fans of george found out that the song was about him.
not just about him, but about her falling in love with him, when she has never met him. and when his fans started to really listen and analyse the song, it got creepier.
basically, the song was about a fan falling in love with a celebrity/content creator and that they want to know them beyond their persona online.
but tia had apologised a little after the song came out, saying that she made that song based on a fan liking a content creator, and not about her falling for george.
but when you read enough of the issue, it definitely did seem like she was making that song to tell her story about falling for george. but she obviously needed an excuse to cover it up.
hence the apology.
and then you read about how they analysed your song, too.
they compared your song to tia’s and found it to have similar stories. stories about how a normal girl is falling in love with the man by the name of george, who had millions of followers on all social medias.
and if you admitted it to yourself, your song did seem to come out that way. especially if your mentality had been there. clearly your song could have been interpreted in many different ways.
you scrolled to the very bottom of the thread where there was a video of the man himself, george. he was addressing the issue.
“i don’t know how this happened twice. i thought once was weird enough, but.” he paused, focusing on building something on his screen.
“having heard of a song being about me again now makes my skin crawl.” he finished. it was short but enough to make his fans understand where he was coming from.
you scrolled further to see the replies of the thread. you wanted to know what were people saying about it.
and you definitely regretted your decision to do that.
threats everywhere. death threats, threats of beating you up, threats of doxing you. god the negative comments were drowned by the one’s that genuinely thought nothing wrong of your song.
you called you mom. this was the time you needed her advice. you needed to be told what to do. you didn’t want to accidentally trigger people.
you and her were on the phone for hours. she listened to you cried to her. she heard the painful sobs that came out of your mouth whenever you reminded yourself of what people were calling you on the internet.
she heard you cry silently on call when you saw your address and phone number being leaked on twitter.
but even through all of that, you joked around with your mom. “well, this was a hell of a way to be trending.”
you did what she told you to do. get a new phone number, stay in a hotel for a couple days while you try to settle the raging crowd of georgenotfound fans down.
in the span of a couple weeks, you got yourself a new number, a new house and a new car. you weren’t taking any chances.
you told no one besides your mom of the new changes, just to be safe.
and no, the threats did not cease. at all. these people did not have a life, constantly up in your dms, telling you to jump off a cliff or them hoping that a robber stabs you and leaves you dying.
you took your time trying to figure out a way to talk to george. or a way to speak out about this.
you didn’t want to write a half-assed notes app paragraph apologising when- first of all, you had nothing to apologise for and second, you had too much to say to fit it all in a notes app.
lucky for you, you didn’t need to start your own channel or make a sit down video on your own.
your recording label had brought up the idea of a documented series about you and how you became a singer about a year ago, and only started filming and posting the episodes a couple months prior on youtube.
so you took the series to your advantage. you pitched in the idea to your manager, to which she agreed to immediately, knowing that it was best you talked about it now.
this was how it played out on the perspective of viewers who watched that episode.
“bless you.” your producer says after you paused your singing in the mic as you stopped to sneeze.
you gave him a smile and a thumbs up from inside the booth.
the camera cuts to another clip.
the cameraman pans as they captured movers coming in and out of your old house, picking up your heavy furniture and boxes into large trucks to move into the new place.
it cuts again. this time it shows you scrolling on your phone with a focused face while your manager types something vigorously on her computer.
the camera tries to focus on your phone, and sees that you were on twitter, reading a lot of tweets under your name.
you exited the app and slide it away, going into youtube next, reading the comments on your song ‘fan of you’.
you scrolled far, clicking on some of the comments, trying to read the replies to certain comments you saw.
the camera cuts into a black screen. which then cuts again into a new scene, where you sat on your new kitchen counter talking to your mother, who sat on the chair in front of you.
your hair was up in a ponytail. a messy one. you were wearing sweatpants and a hoodie that seemed far too big on you, and your feet covered with fluffy socks.
you were nodding to whatever she was saying to you. it was clear your mind was elsewhere as your eyes were unfocused.
the scene cuts again.
you were seen on the couch, your legs were tucked into your arms and your head down, body shaking. it was obvious you were crying.
you were alone, your mother no where to be seen.
that was the first time the camera caught you crying.
the scene cuts as you were going to get up from the couch.
now, you were in the kitchen again, opening the refrigerator to take a water bottle, then walking to your room upstairs.
the camera follows behind you slowly into your room.
it hadn’t been the cleanest. there were a couple shirts on the floor, your bed undone, cups on your side table, your laptop open on your desk.
you were seen opening a drawer, taking out a small white bottle. you unscrewed the bottle and took out 2 pills, popping them in your mouth, drinking water straight away after that to swallow.
the scene cuts again.
this time, you were seated on the couch in the studio, the atmosphere dark and quiet.
your hair was more kept this time, being help up in a clip.
you were wearing straight jeans and a slightly oversized sweatshirt. you looked more refreshed this time. but it was obvious you hadn’t slept in a while because of your eyes.
your eyes that usually held a lot of happiness and joy turned dull.
“it’s been a while since i’ve spoken to a camera.” you offered a small smile. your song ‘just a fan’ was playing in the background of the clip.
the scene cuts again.
“when i released that song, i was genuinely proud of the work i had done.” you paused for a while. besides the song playing in the background, it was silent.
“but i guess the joy didn’t last very long.” the scene cuts there.
it transitioned to a collage of what people were saying about you. it showed clips of people talking about it on youtube. they even showed george talking about it.
and it cuts again.
it showed a different clip this time. a clip of your ex boyfriend and you at the beach on a picnic, that was taken by a close friend of yours.
this was when you were still in college.
it showed all the fun memories you two made while you were still together.
it showed a video of him studying in the library, flipping through his papers and scrolling through his laptop. it was clear he was hard at work, not noticing you filming him.
but then the scene cuts again. and the music turned somber.
your ex boyfriend’s grave.
it was the day you were visiting him. you sat down next to his stone, a blanket under you.
you were just staring at his stone, not moving.
and it cuts again.
“he was one of the most driven person i have ever met.” you told the camera.
“he knew when to be serious and when to have fun.” you looked down in your hands and played with your rings.
“all he ever talked about was becoming a surgeon. he worked hard in his intern years and continued being passionate through his residency.” you spoke up.
“people had only nice things to say about him. the only bad thing they would say about him is that he can be pretty uptight sometimes, especially when he was stressed about something.” you laughed a little.
“i was a huge fan of him, even when we just saw each other in the hallways. he’s just amazing. i’ve always wanted to be just like him.”
“i wanted to write a song about him but i didn’t the song to be sad.” you said.
“and that was when the song ‘fan of you’ was created.
the scene cuts there and goes into another.
you were in the recording booth again, this time, you were singing into the mic.
the camera pans to your producer and manager dancing and bobbing their heads to the beat.
the scene cuts, officially ending it with a black screen with ‘the end’ in a fancy white font.
you busied yourself with writing new songs as your name got trended again on twitter.
and george has never felt worse about himself ever in his entire life.
-
he watched the episode as soon as dream sent it to him.
“you’re an asshole, george.” dream sends to him, along with the link of the video on youtube.
as the video ends, he decides to read the comments, wondering what it was like down there.
it was the worse mistake he had ever made in a while.
but he knew he deserved it. he did assumed it was about him, just like the last song made with a drawing of his glasses as their cover photo on spotify.
this time, there was genuinely no reason to think that this song was about him, or anyone with a following whatsoever. he just believed what his chat told him.
sure, there were some familiarity of the character in your song and him, but the world did have 7.6 billion people living on it.
“so, here i am apologising.” george says to his camera, live. his tone was very sincere and apologetic.
“this shouldn’t have gotten this far. they shouldn’t have gotten threats at all, let alone death threats. they shouldn’t have woken up to the world knowing where they live and what their phone number is.”
“and if you’re watching. i sincerely apologise. i clearly was full of myself.” george finishes. ending the live with a small wave.
and were you watching? hell yes.
and that was the day the two of you followed each other on instagram.
he used your songs as his intros of his live, (with your permission, of course.) you showed in your documentary that you were watching whenever he was live or watching his youtube videos.
and that was the start to a beautiful relationship.
you sat on the chair, going live. you waved as people started joining. it went from hundreds, to thousands in seconds.
as you were talking and clicking on your keyboard and mouse, playing a game, you felt arms around your shoulders.
you smiled, yet continued playing.
“why are you live on my account?” he laughs.
you disconnected the headphones so that he could hear what you were hearing.
“george, you’re being replaced.” dream said on discord.
george smiles, giving you a kiss on the top of your head. “that was well deserved.”
#georgenotfound imagines#georgenotfound imagine#georgenotfound fanfic#georgenotfound x reader#georgenotfound
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Nihilism is so easy, which is why we need to kill it
(I initially published this here a couple weeks ago.)
So last night it dawned on me that, after over two years of being relatively symptom-free, my depression snuck back up on me and has taken over. It’s still pretty mild in comparison to other times I’ve been stuck in the hole, but after 24 months (and more) of mostly being good to go, I can tell that it’s here for a hot minute again.
How do I know? Well, it might be the fact that I spent more time sleeping during my recent vacation from work than I did just about anything else, and how it’s suddenly really hard for me to stay awake during work hours. I don’t really have an appetite, and in fact nausea hits me frequently. I don’t really have any emotional reactions to things outside of tears, even when tears aren’t super appropriate to the situation (like watching someone play Outer Wilds for the first time). And I’ve been consuming a lot of apocalyptic media, to which the only response, emotional or otherwise, I can really muster is “dude same.”
For a long time I was huge into absurdist philosophy, because it felt to my depressed brain like just the right balance between straight up denying that things are bad (and thus we should fix them, or at least try to do so) and full-blown nihilism. This gives absurdism a lot of credit; mostly it’s just a loose set of spicy existentialist ideas and shit that sounds good on a sticker, like “The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”
In the last couple years, while outside of my depressive state, I went back to Camus’ work and found a lot of almost full-on abusive shit in it. Not toward anyone specifically, but shit like “nobody and nothing will care if you’re gone, so live out of spite of them all” rubs me the wrong way in retrospect. The philosophy Camus puts out opens the door for living in a very self-destructive fashion; that in fact the good life is living without care for yourself or anyone/anything else. The way Camus describes and derides suicide especially is grim as fuck, and certainly I would never recommend The Myth of Sisyphus to anyone currently struggling with ideation. That “perfect balance” between denial and nihilism is really not that perfect at all, and in fact skews much more heavily towards the latter.
Neon Genesis Evangelion has been a big albatross around my neck in terms of the media products I’ve consumed in my life that I believe have influenced my depression hardcore. It sits in a similar conversational space to Camus’ work, in that it confronts nihilism and at once rejects and facilitates it. A lot of folks remark that Evangelion is pretty unique – or at least uncommon – in its accurate portrayal of depression, especially for mid-90s anime properties. The thing I notice always seems to be missing in these discussions is that along with that accurate portrayal comes a spot-on – to me, at least – depiction of what depression does to resist being treated. This is a disease that uses a person’s rational faculties to suggest that nobody else could possibly understand their pain, and therefore there’s no use in getting better or moving forward. Shinji Ikari is as self-centered as Hideaki Anno is as I am when it comes to confronting the truth: there are paths out of this hole, but nobody else can take that step out but us, and part of our illness is that refusal to do just that. Depression lies, it provides a cold comfort to the sufferer, that there is no existence other than the one where we are in pain and there is no way out, so pull the blanket up over our head and go back to sleep.
Watching Evangelion for the first time corresponded with the onset of one of the worst depressive spirals I’ve ever been in, and so, much like the time I got a stomach virus at the same time that I ate Arby’s curly fries, I kind of can’t associate Evangelion with anything else. No matter what else it might signify, no matter what other meaning there is to derive from it, for me Eva is the Bad Feeling Anime™. Which is why, naturally, I had to binge all four of the Evangelion theatrical releases upon the release of Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon A Time last month.
If Neon Genesis Evangelion and End of Evangelion are works produced by someone with untreated depression just fucking rawdogging existence, then the Eva movies are works produced by someone who has gone to therapy even just one fucking time. Whether that therapy is working or not is to be determined, but they have taken that step out of the hole and are able to believe that there is a possibility of living a depression-free life. The first 40 minutes or so of Evangelion 3.0+1.0 are perfect cinema to me. The world is destroyed but there is a way to bring it back. Restoration and existence is possible even when the surface of the planet might as well be the surface of the Moon. The only thing about this is, everyone has to be on board to help. Even though WILLE fired one of its special de-corefication devices into the ground to give the residents of Village 3 a chance at survival, the maintenance of this pocket ecosystem is actively their responsibility. There is no room or time for people who won’t actively contribute, won’t actively participate in making a better world from the ashes of the old.
There are a lot of essentialist claims and assumptions made by the film in this first act about how the body interacts with the social – the concept of disability itself just doesn’t seem to have made it into the ring of safety provided by Misato and the Wunder, which seems frankly wild to me, and women are almost singularly portrayed in traditionalist support roles while men are the doers and the fixers and the makers. I think it’s worth raising a skeptical eyebrow at this trad conservative “back to old ways” expression of the post-apocalypse wherever it comes up, just as it’s important to acknowledge where the movie pushes back on these themes, like when Toji (or possibly Kensuke) is telling Shinji that, despite all the hard work everyone is doing like farming and building, the village is far from self-sufficient and will likely always rely on provisions from the Wunder.
As idyllic as the setting is, it’s not the ideal. As Shinji emerges from his catatonia, Kensuke takes him around the village perimeter. It’s quiet, rural Japan as far as the eye can see, but everywhere there are contingencies; rationing means Kensuke can only catch one fish a week, all the entry points where flowing water comes into the radius of the de-corefication devices have to be checked for blockages because the water supply will run out. There is a looming possibility that the de-corefication machines could break or shut down at some point, and nobody knows what will happen when that happens. On the perimeter, lumbering, pilot-less and headless Eva units shuffle around; it is unknown whether they’re horrors endlessly biding their time or simply ghosts looking to reconnect to the ember of humanity on the other side of the wall. Survival is always an open question, and mutual aid is the expectation. Still: the apocalypse happened, and we’re still here. The question Village 3 answers is “what now?” We move on, we adapt.
Evangelion is still a work that does its level best to defy easy interpretation, but the modern version of the franchise has largely abandoned the nihilism that was at its core in the 90s version. It’s not just that Shinji no longer denies the world until the last possible second – it’s that he frequently actively reaches out and is frustrated by other people’s denials. He wants to connect, he wants to be social, but he’s also burdened with the idea that he’s only good to others if he’s useful, and he’s only useful if he pilots the Eva unit. This last movie separates him and what he is worth to others (and himself) from his agency in being an Eva pilot, finally. In doing so, he’s able to reconcile with nearly everyone in his life who he has harmed or who has hurt him, and create a world in which there is no Evangelion. While this ending is much more wishful thinking than one more grounded in the reality of the franchise – one that, say, focuses on the existence and possible flourishing of Village 3 and other settlements like it while keeping one eye on the precarious balancing act they’re all playing – it feels better than the ending of End of Eva, and even than the last two episodes of the original series.
I’m glad the nihilism in Evangelion is gone, for the most part. I’m glad that I didn’t spend roughly eight hours watching the Evamovies only to be met yet again with a message of “everything is pointless, fuck off and die.” Because I’ve been absorbing that sentiment a lot lately, from a lot of different sources, and it really just fuckin sucks to hear over and over again.
It is a truth we can’t easily ignore that the confluence of pandemic, climate change, authoritarian surge and capitalist decay has made shit miserable recently. But the spike in lamentations over the intractability of this mix of shit – the inevitability of our destruction, to put it in simpler terms – really is pissing me off. No one person is going to fix the world, that much is absolutely true, but if everyone just goes limp and decides to “123 not it” the apocalypse then everyone crying about how the world is fucked on Twitter will simply be adding to the opening bars of a self-fulfilling prophesy.
We can’t get in a mech to save the world but then, neither realistically could Shinji Ikari. What we can do looks a lot more like what’s being done in Village 3: people helping each other with limited resources wherever they can.
Last week, Hurricane Ida slammed into the Gulf Coast and churned there for hours – decimating Bayou communities in Louisiana and disrupting the supply chain extensively – before powering down and moving inland. Last night the powerful remnants of that storm tore through the Northeast, causing intense flooding. Areas not typically affected by hurricanes suddenly found themselves in a similar boat – pun not intended – to folks for whom hurricanes are simply a fact of life. There’s a once-in-a-millennium drought and heatwave ripping through the West Coast and hey – who can forget back in February when Oklahoma and Texas experienced -20 degree temperatures for several days in a row? All of this against the backdrop of a deadly and terrifying pandemic and worsening political climate. It’s genuinely scary! But there are things we can do.
First, if you’re in a weather disaster-prone area, get to know your local mutual aid organizations. Some of these groups might be official non-profits; one such group in the Louisiana area, for example, is Common Ground Relief. Check their social media accounts for updates on what to do and who needs help. If you’re not sure if there’s one in your area, check out groups like Mutual Aid Disaster Relief for that same information. Even if you’re not in a place that expects to see the immediate effects of climate change, you should still consider linking up with organizing groups in your area. Tenant unions, homeless organizations, safe injection sites and needle exchanges, immigrant rights groups, environmental activist orgs, reproductive health groups – all could use some help right now, in whatever capacity you might be able to provide it.
In none of these scenarios are we going to be the heroes of the story, and we shouldn’t view this kind of work in that way. But neither should we give into the nihilistic impulse to insist upon doing nothing, insist that inaction is the best course of action, and get back under the blankets for our final sleep. Kill that impulse in your head, and fuck, if you have to, simply just fucking wish for that better world. Then get out of bed and help make it happen.
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movie night // karlnapity x gn!reader
(hi! this is my first post on tumblr and i’m still learning how to use it haha, requests in my askbox would be highly appreciated please i will literally love u so much <3)
word count: 1,565
summary: you and your boys took the night off from streaming to spend some time together
request?: nope, but my requests are open!
---
“Is there anything else y’all want?” Nick asked from the bar stool he was seated on, scribbling down a quick shopping list. Both Karl and Alex shook their heads, Nick just about ready to head off before you piped up from the sofa in your open plan apartment, a sly yet lighthearted smirk present on your lips.
“Yeah, actually. Popcorn, crisps, sweets, and just any snacks you can find, really. Also, make sure you guys cancel your streams tonight - we don’t have any lore planned, do we?” you looked at each of your boyfriends who you met through the Dream SMP, and they returned your gaze with very confused expressions. Even so they shook their heads again to provide an answer to your question.
“I mean, I was gonna hop on the server with Will for a bit, but I can leave that until tomorrow if you’d like?” Alex asked, obviously curious as to what his partner had in mind. You were quick to assure him that your little idea could wait for a day the four of you were free, though you weren’t completely convinced that it would even happen at all if that were to be the case; you’re all very busy people.
“If it’s something important to you, baby, then I’m sure we can work something out,” Karl said with a soft smile, both Nick and Alex humming in agreement. “Although, dare I ask why you want us to cancel our streams?” he asked sheepishly. You considered keeping it from them, but gave in to the anxiety-inducing question of whether it was really important enough or if you were just being clingy.
“Well, I just thought, maybe, we could, you know,” you stammered, worrying the three a little bit. They exchanged glances, wondering if they’d perhaps done something wrong. “We haven’t really spent much time together recently, and I thought we could maybe have a movie night or something? I’m sorry, I know I should’ve planned this out properly with your guys’ input, it was just a last minute thought. We really don’t have to do it, Alex I know you said you had streaming plans and that was before I mentioned any of this and-”
“Babe,” Alex cut off your rambling before it spiralled into something more, as it often did, chuckling slightly and walking over to you with his arms out wide. You let him wrap them around you and you reciprocated the action, close to tears at this point due to the whirlwind of anxiety racing around your mind over something that warmed your boyfriends’ hearts, instead of annoying them and getting in their way as you’d predicted. “I’m sure we can miss out on a day of streaming to spend some time with each other, right? We have been pretty busy, like you said.” He smiled, looking deep into your eyes before leaning in for a sweet kiss.
Nick cleared his throat upon seeing you trade kisses without him, not even bothering to cover up his laughter. Of course, you sarcastically apologised and gave each him and Karl their own kisses too, Alex doing the same.
“So, is this everything we need?” Nick checked one more time before heading out the door, leaving once you’d looked over the list and didn’t see anything missing.
“Alright then lads!” you turned to Alex and Karl once the door closed, a large grin gracing your face. “Go and grab all the pillows, cushions, blankets, plushies - go and grab every comfy thing we own! If we’re gonna do this, we’re doing it properly, Okay?” they both instantly scrambled to the king sized bed and pretty much stripped it, while you crouched in front of the cupboard that the relatively large TV stood atop. Your eyes skimmed over the many movies you owned, the innocent Disney ones mixed in with the more gruesome and gory horrors like Saw and The Shining.
After a good few minutes of sorting through the discs and picking out a variety of movies to suit everybody’s tastes, stopping at some point to cheer Alex on in a wrestling match on the sofa against Karl, you’d finally found about six hours worth of top quality films. You looked up at the clock on the wall and it had just gone four pm, meaning that if you settled down by five at the latest then you’d be done by about eleven, making it the perfect time to head straight to bed so nobody would be overly tired in the morning. But there was no use worrying about that, this was supposed to reduce stress, and worrying about time was the opposite.
You’d sneakily chosen a couple of very scary horror movies, knowing that Karl wasn’t the biggest fan of them and it’d be an easy way to get lots of cuddles out of him; he didn’t hate them, but they weren’t exactly his cup of tea, either. You stood up and helped him and Alex set the blankets and cushions up on the sofa, collapsing onto them once you were done.
While leaning your head on Alex’s shoulder, he snaked his arm around you and absentmindedly grazed his fingers up and down your arm. You closed your eyes and you must’ve fallen into a light sleep as you were a little dazed when you opened your eyes to see Nick gently shaking you, not remembering him getting back. Alex was in the kitchen with Karl and you could hear them trying to figure out how to pop the popcorn, even when you knew there were clear instructions on the box.
“Hey, love.” Nick greeted you warmly with an even warmer kiss, planting himself beside you and wrapping an arm around you, much like Alex had not even half an hour ago. You leaned into his side and closed your eyes again, listening to his steady heartbeat.
“I love you.” you murmured softly, feeling Nick press a kiss to your temple and muttering a small “I love you too.”
“If you’re tired, we can always do this tomorrow, honey.” he said, causing you to sit up and jokingly look at him with a shocked face.
“After all the hard work and planning that’s gone into this? I shall not wait!” you yelled dramatically, the both of you laughing at your antics. While he pulled out his phone to scroll through Twitter and alert his fans that there would be no stream today, you stood up to check on the other two. It took them a good few minutes to realise you were watching them, positioned against the counter with a fond smile on your face. It was moments like these that really made you consider how damn lucky you were to call these three yours; sure they were dumb idiots, but they were your dumb idiots, and there was nothing that could change that.
They had just about managed to microwave the popcorn kernels without exploding the whole apartment or something stupid, and were beginning to pour all the snacks into bowls. You helped by taking the full bowls and placing them on the table between the sofa and the TV, sneaking a few bites here and there. Once you were all ready and cuddled up, you on Nick’s left, Karl on your other side and Alex beside Karl, the first movie was finally starting up.
You’d gone easy with this one, choosing Tangled, a very well-known classic. If you knew them, you sang along to the songs no matter how in tune you were or not, and if you didn’t then you simply sat back and enjoyed them. The movie ended and you realised you’d have to stand up again to start up the next one in the pile, when Karl offered to do it for you. Before you could even do so much as protest, he stood up and walked over to the DVD player, looking back at you with a horrified face as he saw what was next: The Silence of the Lambs.
“I hate you so much, Y/n.” He said with a loving smile, knowing you well enough now to see right through you. “If you wanted cuddles, you could’ve just asked!” You chuckled as he put the second movie on, returning to your side and resting his head on your chest. The four of you happily munched on the snacks that were almost gone by now, holding each other close if you got scared.
That movie finished, and then the next, and then the next. By this point you were shoved against Alex, Karl lying over the two of you and Nick. It was about half past eleven and you were all clearly tired, so you decided to call it a day and head to bed. You did your usual nightly routine, whatever it consists of, and collapsed into bed, shortly joined by Karl, then Nick, and finally Alex. As usual, you were sandwiched in between Nick and Karl, and you held onto the former tightly.
“Thank you so much for tonight, guys, I really missed you.” you admitted halfway through a yawn, seconds away from passing out.
“I missed you guys too, I really did.” Karl agreed, and so did the other two. You drifted off in a happy silence, glad to have spent the evening with the three men you loved so dearly.
#karl jacobs#sapnap#quackity#karl jacobs x reader#sapnap x reader#karl jacobs x sapnap x quackity x reader#karlnapity#quackity x reader#reader insert#x reader#karl jacobs x sapnap#karl jacobs x quackity#sapnap x quackity#quackity x karl jacobs#mcyt#dream smp fanfiction#karlnapity x reader
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Steve accidentally posting an intimate picture and not realizing for hours until you get ur blown blown up!
#supersoldiersextape // steve rogers
↳ pairing: steve rogers x reader
oh my god, yes!:
you and steve don’t normally take pictures or record yourselves in intimate positions because you’re more than well-versed in the intricacies of the internet and how things don’t just go away
but steve has been on a mission for the past three months and although he texts you when he can, it’s not the same as having your man right there next to you
and so you try and do what you can, short little video calls or infrequent texts, and although you’re grateful that you can even speak to him while he’s away, the two of you agree that it’s still not enough
one night, the two of you give in: steve takes some time during the night to call you after you send him a series of pictures of your body clad in his favorite lingerie
and the deep timbre of his tone coupled with the image of his hard length is enough to push you over the edge as he strokes himself to the sight of your naked body over facetime
“show me that pretty pussy, babydoll- that’s right, just like that.”
when steve finally comes home, the two of you can’t seem to get enough of each other, spending days upon days locked up in your apartment while steve fucks you into the mattress or on the dining table or the kitchen counter
but it’s steve who has the idea
you’re lying on top of his chest, skin slick and his dick semi-hard when he asks: “baby, would it be okay if i maybe make a video of you?”
you sit up slightly in shock, staring him dead in the eyes because you can’t tell whether or not he’s joking
“really, baby?” you ask him, still surprised by this notion. “i mean, i didn’t realize that was something that you were into..?”
“it’s just that,” he runs his fingers over your bare skin, “it’d be great if i could have something for when either of us are gone. we were lucky enough this time that i was able to call you but a lot of the time, these longer missions are no-contact and i don’t know how long i can handle not seeing this beautiful body.”
you giggle at that but then fall into a contemplative silence
“...okay, honey,” you acquiesce with a sigh. “but i don’t wanna see these videos on the cloud or anything, steve, i’m serious.”
and after steve peppers your face with a flurry of kisses, he lines his phone camera up just right so that he can see the jiggle of your ass when his hips slam into it from the back, his free hand grabbing handfuls of your flesh and raining sharp smacks down upon your skin
he tells you not to hold back your moans, loving the way that you whine his name as he makes sure to capture the arch of your back and the way that your nails dig into the sheets
“ride my dick, pretty girl; c’mon - if you wanna come, you’ll work for it, baby.”
when steve is satisfied with what he’s recorded, swiping through the series of videos with a cheeky smile on his face, you’re completely fucked out and exhausted, but you don’t fall asleep without reminding him that those videos better stay on his goddamn phone
compared to when steve first started using technology, he’s improved considerably but he’s still not totally proficient, so when he got twitter you were more than concerned
his 20 million followers are all very much active and you’ve always - always - emphasized to your man how important it is to double check what he posts
but as he lays in bed several weeks later, halfway asleep, he means to post a video of him sparring with bucky from a couple of weeks ago
however, his thick finger selects the video right next to it and he adds a sweet little caption before hitting ‘tweet’ and promptly falling asleep
your alarm is usually set for 7:15 but for some reason, when you wake up it’s 3:30 and you’re not happy
you had another few hours of rest planned so you pick up your phone with a deep frown etched on your face, but that’s when you realize that it’s not your alarm that’s woken you up
it’s the vibrating of your phone on your nightstand, and it’s blowing up because your twitter mentions are off the charts
there’s a pit at the bottom of your stomach but you quickly unlock your phone and open the twitter app, only to groan loudly when you see what steve has posted
the video of you getting absolutely railed by your boyfriend is trending with the hashtag #supersolidersextape and you want to crawl in a hole and die
tony’s texted you about a million times, talking about how this is the pr disaster of the century and you roll your eyes at his dramatics, although you can’t help but agree
“fuck,” you curse as you read the caption because it somehow makes the whole thing so much worse.
‘training was real rough today! i’m exhausted but the two of us had the best time ☺️’
you throw your phone at your snoring supersolider’s head, causing him to dart up, eyes looking around in panic
“y/n? babe, what the-”
you don’t say anything as you grab your phone from where it landed and thrust it in his face, crossing your arms over your chest and watching as his eyes double in size
even in the dark you can see the deep red flush that covers his entire upper body
“baby-”
“i literally do not want to hear it, rogers. it’s like, i fucking told you this would happen!”
“i’m so sorry-”
you try to scoot away from him with a huff, but he only leaps on top of you, gathering you in his arms and nuzzling his face into your neck
you lie in silence for a while before steve’s body starts vibrating, his laughing fit intense and completely unwarranted because now your ass is all over the internet
“doll, you’ve gotta admit,” steve chuckles breathlessly. “it’s kinda funny-”
“the whole world has seen your penis, rogers.”
he only shrugs - the stupid bastard - and laughs some more
“i mean, it’s a pretty nice penis, it deserves to be shared-”
“i’m breaking up with you.”
“baby,” he sings, pressing kisses down the column of your neck. “i love you.”
“you’re sleeping in the guest room tonight, buddy.”
steve is an idiot and i love him that is all
#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers x you#steve rogers fanfiction#steve rogers blurb#steve rogers blurbs#steve rogers headcanon#steve rogers headcanons#steve rogers imagines#asks
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10th Anniversary
Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader
Words: 4k
Warnings: -
Tags: -
Request: -
Notes: I was supposed to post this for their 10th Anniversary but I totally forgot about it and just found it on my drafts! So I hope you like it :)
MASTERLIST
The moment you woke up you knew what day it was without even looking at the calendar.
July 23rd 2020.
10 years. It had been a whole decade since all the craziness started. Looking back now, you would have never imagined everything you all had gone through in that time, how much you had grown up -together and separated-, how much your lives had changed.
You were a 15 years-old-girl when you met them thanks to your aunt Lou. When you first laid eyes on them, you just saw five loud and unstoppable guys. You would have never imagined that you would find four brothers and something else in them.
However, there you were, 10 years later, checking your Twitter timeline with a stupid grin on your face. It looked like 2012 all over again and you loved it. You missed those times like crazy. Of course, you knew the hiatus was coming the moment Zayn left the band -and they had earned every single day of it-, but that didn’t change how much you missed them all.
Even though you had kept in touch with the five of them it wasn’t the same. They were all busy with their own solo projects and they barely had the time to meet up. You couldn’t blame them, but you still missed them. Especially the green-eyed one.
Harry and you immediately clicked when you met. It turned out you had a lot in common and similar personalities. You had a tight relation with the whole group, but what you and Harry had was special. Probably it helped that you were the same age. But the truth was that it didn’t matter the reason, you were always together.
Everyone who saw you together and knew how your relationship was just kept on saying that you two would end up together. It turned out they weren’t completely wrong, although it never worked out the way you would have wanted. You were a couple for less than a year. It was the best year of your life and the worst break-up you ever had.
You loved him and he loved you, there was no doubt of that, but it was too complicated to keep it going. As much as you loved touring the world with them, spending every single day with Harry, you also needed a life of your own, you wanted to go to college and doing it from afar didn’t work for you. It was the hardest decision you ever made, but everyone understood and supported you. Harry the most.
It broke his heart as well, but he knew he couldn’t ask you to keep with his lifestyle. He had to let you go. You gave distance a chance, but with their schedules and the time zones it soon became impossible. You remembered the last FaceTime you had, how heartbroken you both were. But it was for the best.
You never lost contact though. Every single time he would come to London he called you to spend a day together. Those days ended up being the best days of the year and they usually ended with you two going back to his place and spending the night together. And every morning your heart broke knowing you had to say goodbye again. But you kept on coming back to him every time his name showed up on your screen.
Usually he was the one who reached out, which made sense since he was the one who was travelling all the time. That morning, that July 23rd, was different. You texted first for the first time in a long time.
Happy 10 years, Styles. Wish we could celebrate together. Love you.
You gulped before sending the text. He was probably in the States and he wouldn’t see it for another few hours, so after sending some other texts to Louis, Liam, Niall and Zayn, you got out of bed and headed to the shower. Usually, you would have to hurry to get to your internship, but with the pandemic you still didn’t have to go, so you had another day completely off.
However, before you got into the shower, you heard your ringtone. You frowned confused. It was way too early for your mum to be calling, so you had no clue who could it be. Maybe it was your boss, giving you an update on the status of your internship. With a sigh, you turned on the water and went back to the room, hoping it would be a quick call so you could go back to your shower.
You took the phone without even looking at the phone and answered it.
“Hello?” You said as you started walking back to the bathroom.
“Happy ten years to you too, love”, a deep known voice said on the other side, making you stop on your tracks as your heart started racing.
Quickly, you checked the caller and saw Harry’s name. He was probably the last person you expected to talk to that day.
“Thanks”, you finally managed to say when you put your phone against your ear.
“I’m guessing you didn’t expect my call?” He said. Judging by his tone, you knew he was smirking, which made you smile.
“You guessed correctly”, you admitted. “How are you awake?”
“I was out for an early run”, he said, making you frown.
“Wait, are you in England?”
“In London to be more accurate”, he said.
“R-really?” You stuttered.
“So maybe we can also make the celebration happen”, he said.
“Really?” You repeated. “I mean, yes! That would be great!”
You smacked yourself on the forehead for being such a nerd. He chuckled quietly before saying he had to make some calls during the morning, but he could pick you up at noon to have some lunch. You said yes immediately. Most of the restaurants were still closed, but he was Harry Styles. He always had a trick up his sleeve, and you couldn’t see what he would pull off that day.
Since you woke up way too early, the morning went off slowly. Or maybe it was just you being impatient. However, you finally got a text from Harry saying he was parked outside of your building. You grabbed your purse with the basic stuff -wallet, keys and phone- and a mask. Once you were sure you had locked the door properly, you went to the elevator.
Usually, he would wait for you in his car in case some recognised him. So it shocked you to see him casually leaning against the vehicle when you walked out of the building. When he heard you, he looked up from his phone. You couldn’t see his whole face due to the mask he was wearing, but his eyes told you he was smiling.
Despite all the precautions and distancing you were supposed to take, you knew it wouldn’t work with him. He was like a magnet and all you wanted to do was hug him and have him hugging you.
“Can I hug you?” He asked.
The fact that he was thinking the same as you made you laugh. All you did was hugging him tightly. He could always hug you, no matter what. He was the exception to every rule.
“I missed you”, you said with your eyes closed, which made him squeeze you a bit tighter.
“Me too”, he whispered.
You spent a couple of minutes just holding each other before he pulled away and opened the passenger door for you. You thanked him with a smile and got into the car and buckled up while he walked around the vehicle to get in before taking off the mask. You did the same and looked at him, the whole him this time.
“I love your hair short”, you said.
Harry looked at you with a dimpled smile and ran a hand through his hair -an old habit he didn’t seem to be able to shake but you loved- before turning on the engine.
“How long has it been?” He asked once he started driving.
“Christmas, I think”, you said after thinking about it for a moment. “Hans’ Christmas party before you went back to the States.”
“Right”, he said and looked at you, making you blush and smile at the memories of that night. “How have you been?”
“Locked”, you chuckled making him chuckle as well. “But good, I finished my thesis, watched a lot of movies and TV shows and baked. A lot.”
“You’ve always been good at baking”, he said.
“And you’ve always been good at eating”, you teased, making him laugh. “What about you?”
“I got stuck in the States until a few days ago”, he shrugged. “Didn’t do much either.”
“Sorry about your tour, by the way”, you said when you remembered. “I was excited.”
“Me too”, he sighed. “But some stuff are more important.”
You smiled a little and nodded to yourself. This pandemic had been, and was been, a wreck all around the world. As usual, you reached out to turn on the radio, which made Harry smile to himself. Ever since the first time you had got into his car, all those years ago, you would always start the music, no matter what. At first, he was surprised you took such confidences in someone else’s car, but he soon loved that detail about you.
“How is it going with your internship?” He asked when the song that was playing on the radio ended.
“I’m on furlough”, you shrugged and sighed. “I got an email last week saying some people would start coming back to work soon. But I don’t think that includes interns.”
“I wouldn’t be in a hurry if I were you”, he commented as he checked the mirrors. “You don’t have a car to go to the office and I wouldn’t be too excited about getting into the tube.”
“I could always get a bike”, as soon you said that you both started laughing. You were the less sportive person you had even known. “Yeah, that was a good one.”
“Indeed”, he chuckled.
“I’m not in a hurry to go back”, you shrugged. “But it’s boring.”
“I know”, he sighed and looked at you for a moment. “But at least now we have time to hang out.”
“Like old times”, you smiled. Harry smiled softly and nodded.
“Like old times.”
“Where are we going by the way? Most restaurants are still closed”, you said.
You had been so focused on talking to Harry and watching him drive that you hadn’t been paying attention to the streets, so you had no idea where you were going.
“My place”, he said, surprising you. “My new place, actually.”
“You have a new place?” You asked even more surprised.
“Yeah. Too many people knew about the house in Hampstead. It was annoying”, he sighed. “Hopefully, no one will find out about this one.”
“But you loved Hampstead!”, you pouted. You loved that house too, to be honest.
“I didn’t sell it”, he shrugged with a smile. “I just don’t use it as official residency.”
“Good”, you smiled now. “So… your place.”
“You’re okay with that?” He asked a bit concerned.
“Oh yes! I just assumed we would to some restaurant”, you shrugged.
“I thought about it”, he nodded. “But even if they’re open, I feel bad for the people who have to work in them, so I guess it makes their lives less anxious with less customers.”
“Always so thoughtful”, you commented.
“Can’t help myself”, he said, his cheeks blushing a little.
You smiled sweetly and looked out of the window, now curious to see where he had moved to. Judging by the zone, you were in the south of London, although you couldn’t figure out exactly where.
Finally, he drove into a subterranean parking in a big brick building. The parking didn’t have many cars, which led you to believe that he didn’t have many neighbours. Harry parked at the very end of the place and, once he turned off the engine, you unbuckled yourself and got out of the car.
“Quite big for a few cars”, you commented looking around.
“I know”, he laughed after locking his car. “It’s a new building. Probably is four years old, so not many people live here yet. And those who do, have more than one car so…”
“You have more than one spot?” You asked.
“Those three are also mine”, he said pointing.
You smiled when you saw the familiar black Range Rover in which you had been so many times over the years. The other two spots were empty, but you knew he had the cars to fill them.
Without saying anything, he started walking to an elevator you hadn’t seen at first sight. You followed him while you checked your phone before throwing it into your bag for the rest of the day. When you got into the elevator, you looked around at how new it looked.
“How long have you been living here?” You asked, leaning against the wall of the elevator.
“A couple of years”, he shrugged and you nodded. “I was the second one to move in.”
“Really?” He nodded. “Nice”, you chuckled.
It didn’t surprise you when the elevator opened at the last floor. He had always liked high places and he had always said that he would love to live in a penthouse someday. It looked like he had fulfilled another one of his fantasies. As you stepped out, you saw that there were only two doors. Private.
“I’m the only one in this floor”, he commented. “These two places are the most expensive so”, he shrugged.
“More silence for you. Imagine a family with three children living across the hall”, you said.
“You would go crazy”, he laughed.
“Definitely”, you smiled a little.
It wasn’t like you didn’t like kids. You did. But when there were many of them, you got a bit nervous, especially if they were loud.
Harry took out a keychain and put it in front of where a locker should have been. It beeped and he pushed the door open. He looked back with a cocky grin.
“Snob”, you mumbled when he let you walk in first.
“Hey!” He laughed.
He took your bag and hung it next to the door while you looked around in awe. It was an open-space living room and kitchen, surrounded by huge windows from where you could see Vauxhall Bridge and the other side of the Thames. It was all decorated in cold colours, but it wasn’t a cold environment. He had managed to give his personal and warm touch.
“What do you think?” He asked standing behind you, a bit more closer than what you expected.
“Much better than Hampstead”, you admitted.
“You think so?”
“There’s no way teenage girls will camp just outside your door”, you shrugged.
“Good point”, he laughed. “Come, I’ll show you the balcony.”
“I’m not a big fan of heights”, you reminded him while he was dragging you by your hand.
“I won’t let you go”, he said.
Saying no to him was an impossible task. There was nothing you could deny to him, not when he gave you that dimpled smile that you loved so much.
To be honest, the views were breath-taking, it couldn’t be denied, but you didn’t go too close to the edge just in case and Harry didn’t push you. All he did was hold your hand tightly.
“I have to confess something”, he said after a while.
“What is it?” You asked quietly.
“I haven’t cooked anything. I was praying you were craving pizza”, he said, making you laugh out loud.
“I’m always craving pizza, you idiot”, you said giving him hand a gentle squeeze before going back inside.
He followed you inside but left the door open. While he ordered the pizza, you walked around the living room, checking out the photos he had framed and also the vinyl collection he had. You smiled a little when you saw that he had all One Direction CDs there as well, as vinyl.
When you started looking at the photos, the first one that caught your eye was one of the two of you, so many years ago, in the tour bus. You took it from the chest it was on. You smiled warmly as you remembered all those long hours stuck into the bus. Somehow, they all managed to make it fun.
In the photo, you and Harry were laying down on one of the sofas, sleeping while facing each other. You were cuddled up against him while he had one hand on your waist, hugging you, and the other one stretched over your head. You remembered having that photo as your lockscreen for so long.
“I think that’s my favourite.”
You hadn’t expected Harry to be just behind you. You hadn’t even heard him coming close to you, so you gasped and almost dropped the photo, but he was quick enough to catch it.
“So I would appreciate if you didn’t break it”, he chuckled.
“Sorry, you scared me”, you said.
“Sorry”, he said too and looked down at the photo before putting it back on top of the chest. “We really had fun that tour, didn’t we?”
“Wasn’t it the one when we started dating?” You asked. He nodded and turned around to walk to couch. “It really was fun.”
“Are you seeing anyone?” He asked all of sudden.
You chuckled and looked down before shaking your head. It was a question that always came up between you two. If the answer was positive it changed the whole mood of the time you spent together. It wasn’t like you didn’t want each other to date other people, but it still hurt to see it.
“Are you?” You asked.
“No”, he said and looked at you before smiling a little.
“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that”, he said and looked down at his hands. He started playing with his rings, which he used to do whenever he got nervous.
“About what?”
“Us.”
“Oh…”, you gulped and looked down as well.
You always feared when he brough that up. Usually it was because he was seeing someone, so you guessed this time wouldn’t be different, even though he had just said he wasn’t seeing anyone. You bite your lip and nodded.
“Okay”, you whispered.
“I was going to wait until after we ate but since it came up”, he shrugged.
“You brought it up”, you quickly said.
“Good point”, he chuckled.
“Anyway”, you looked at him. “What is it? What’s her name?”
“Her name?” He asked confused. “I’m… I’m not seeing anyone. I told you.”
“Really?” You frowned, even more confused than him. “I just- Every time you want to talk about us, it is because you’re seeing someone.”
“Oh… I hadn’t thought about it, to be honest”, he said thinking about it before laughing a little. “It’s not the case now”, he shrugged.
“What is it?” You asked now curious but also fearful. What if he said he didn’t have feelings for you anymore?
“You know how we have always said that we can’t be together because of how messy my life is, right?” He asked and you nodded, having no clue where he was going with this. “Well, I’ve been thinking about it, and you were right about it back then. When I was in the band. Now it’s different.”
“How? You still have the same job”, you shrugged. “And I don’t want you to have a different one”, you quickly added.
“Yes, but I’m not touring all year long”, he explained. “Now I can take my time. It’s been two years since I dropped my first solo album and only last year, I dropped Fine Line. Yes, when I’m on tour I spend a lot of time on it, but I also have a lot of time between one and the next. Especially now that it’s been postponed.”
“Harry”, you interrupted him. “Go to the point”, you chuckled.
“Yes, sorry”, he smiled a little. “I want to give it, us, another chance.”
Your mind went completely blank as he said the words. You had no idea how many times you had dreamed about this and, now that it was right in front of you, you didn’t know what to say. Suddenly, you felt scared, confused, lost. You loved him? Of course you did. Was this a good idea? You got no idea. You only knew that the first time almost broke you and you didn’t know if you were ready to go through that again.
Although it could work out this time, a tiny voice inside your head said.
What if it didn’t? What if you just didn’t work as a couple?
Luckily for you, just then the bell rang.
“Pizza!” You exclaimed and got up, relieved to have some time off from that conversation.
Harry looked at you as you ran to the door, obviously running away from him at the moment. He had no idea what to think of that. Did that mean you didn’t feel the same way anymore? You only saw him as a friend? Or maybe it was just that you didn’t see it coming and felt a bit overwhelmed? He wanted to believe it was the latest, but his mind kept on going to the worst-case scenario.
Anyway, the food was there and he figured that giving you time to take his words in wouldn’t hurt anyone.
Harry had already paid for the pizzas when he ordered them, so all you had to do was take them. Once you closed the door by pushing it with your foot, you went to the isle that separated the kitchen from the living room and put them on top of it.
“This smell amazing”, you said while Harry was walking around the kitchen gathering the dishes, glasses and napkins.
“I’m drooling just by the smell”, he agreed. “Do you want to eat here, in the living room or out there?”
“It’s a bit chilly out there”, you said. “Maybe the living room and we can watch something on Netflix?”
“Sounds good”, he nodded.
Silently, you two moved everything to the living room and set the table up. When it was all ready, Harry turned on the TV and logged into his Netflix account before he started looking for something to watch while you poured water into the glasses.
“What about Harry Potter and The Priosioner of Azkaban?” He suggested.
“You know me”, you smiled widely.
It was your favourite Harry Potter movie, so there was no way you would say no to it. Harry smiled warmly and nodded to himself.
“I do”, he sighed before pressing play on the remote.
***
“I’m surprised you watched the whole movie”, you said two hours later when the movie was over.
“Why?” Harry asked.
He stood up and started taking everything back to the kitchen.
“Well”, you got up too and took the glasses. “You always fall asleep during the movies I choose.”
“Technically, I chose this one, so it would’ve been rude to fall asleep”, he said while you handed him the glasses so he would put them into the dishwasher.
“It’s rude anyway but whatever helps you sleep at night”, you said with a smile.
“Are you saying I’m rude?” He asked with his eyes narrowed after he closed the dishwasher.
“Contrary to popular belief, Mr. Styles… I know the whole truth about you”, you said, crossing your arms.
“And what is that?” He asked, mirroring your position.
“That you can be rude sometimes”, you shrugged.
“Falling asleep during a movie is not rude. It is… tiredness”, he said, making you laugh.
“And you always have a reply for everything”, you said.
“I like to be prepared”, he shrugged.
“Like I said…”, you laughed and leaned against the counter.
Harry laughed out loud and shook his head before excusing himself to go to the bathroom. You stayed there in the kitchen, thinking again about what Harry had said just before the pizza arrived. You had barely paid attention to the movie thanks to that.
You had no idea where that proposition came from. It had been years since you two had had any conversation about your relationship and you had no idea what you wanted. Yes, you loved him. Yes, you wanted to be with him. But you feared that this was just about him feeling nostalgic. You remembered vividly the great couple you two were, but you didn’t know if you could go through that kind of heartbreak again.
“You know what I’ve been trying to get better at during lockdown?”
You jumped a little since you hadn’t heard him coming back from the bathroom.
“Surprise me”, you said, still lost in thought.
“Football”, he said. You looked at him with an eyebrow raised, trying not to laugh.
“Really?” You asked. “How did that turn out exactly?”
“Awful”, he admitted, making you laugh.
“I figured”, you nodded and sighed, looking down at your hands.
You felt him coming closer until he was standing right in front of you. Yet, you didn’t dare to look up.
“You okay?” He finally asked.
“Where did that come from?” You blurted out. When he didn’t answer, you looked up. He was frowning and the look in his eyes told you that he was measuring his words. “About us.”
“From… what I feel for you”, he said like it was obvious. “What I’ve always felt for you.”
“Right”, you sighed.
“Don’t you feel the same anymore?” He asked worried.
“I don’t think there’s a world, a universe, where I don’t feel that way about you”, you sighed.
“What’s the problem, then?”
“Why now? How do I know that this, you wanting more again, is not something that will just go away?” You asked.
“I’ve always wanted more from us, (Y/N). The only reason we broke up was because we couldn’t make it work with our lives. We can now”, he said. Hesitantly, he took a step towards you and held your hands. “I’ve loved you since we were 18. I can promise you it isn’t going anywhere. Ever. And neither am I.”
“It…”, you sighed. “It just hurt so much when we broke up, Harry. I don’t think I can go through that again.”
“You won’t.”
“You can’t promise that”, you chuckled.
“I could”, he shrugged. “Because that’s a promise I plan on keeping.”
You looked down at your united hands and sighed. His hands had always been so big, way bigger than yours, which had always made you feel safe in a strange way. You bit your lip, not knowing what to do. You knew what you wanted, but you didn’t know if you were brave enough to do it.
“I love you”, you whispered.
“And I love you too”, he said back, rubbing your hands. “You’re my endgame.”
“Don’t use The Avengers against me”, you said, making him laugh. With a sigh, you looked up and it surprised you to find his green eyes so close to yours. “You can’t look at me with those eyes and expect me to give you a reasoned answer.”
“I don’t want you to follow reason”, he shrugged. “I want you to say what you really want.”
“You”, you said without hesitation. “Always. Every day.”
Harry smiled warmly and put some hair out of your face gently, before cupping your face.
Your heart was beating so fast and it felt so loud, that it surprised you that he couldn’t listen to it. You didn’t know what the right thing to do was, but you knew that reasoning about this wouldn’t get you anywhere. You knew you loved him, you knew you wanted to be with him. Maybe he was right. Maybe you could make it work this time. They said that third time was the charm, but maybe the second could be your charm.
“Is it a yes?” He asked, now looking at your lips.
“Yes”, you finally nodded.
His smile grew even bigger now before pulling you towards him and pressing his lips against yours. Just like every single time, you felt fireworks in your stomach. Ever since the first time you kissed him, you felt you could spend your whole time kissing him and would never get tired of it.
Maybe this time, you could do it forever.
#harry styles#harry#harry imagine#harry styles imagine#harry x reader#harry styles x reader#one direction#10 years#10 years of 1d#niall horan#zayn malik#louis tomlinson#liam payne#fluff#imagine#one shot#pitubea#original work
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Q: What is this?
A: It’s a flyer for a virtual fundraiser on June 4th that Elite Gymnastics is playing. You can access the show at quietyear.com
Q: Hasn’t Elite Gymnastics been inactive for like, ten years?
A: Yes. This is the first Elite Gymnastics performance of any kind since November 30th 2012, at the Horn Gallery at Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio.
Q: Why did Elite Gymnastics stop playing shows?
A: Elite Gymnastics started out as me (Jaime) and a bunch of my friends agreeing to help me play my songs live back in 2009. I made a lot of weird demos in GarageBand and my friend Dominique Davis from the band Dearling Physique got tired of watching me sit on them. So, he booked me to play at a show he was curating as part of a small local music and arts festival called Clapperclaw. For several months that’s mainly what EG was. At some point the focus shifted to making recordings rather than playing shows, to participate in the emergent culture of new music distributed via MP3 file-sharing. The lineup winnowed to just me and Josh Clancy, who began creating digital EPs that we posted on this Tumblr page as ZIP files full of MP3s accompanied by a PDF of artwork. This is the incarnation of the group that most people are familiar with.
This was before Patreon existed. If Bandcamp was around, we’d never heard of it. Though MP3 file-sharing culture and file transfer sites like MediaFire and MegaUpload allowed anyone to distribute music freely across the world via the internet, it was still pretty difficult to get people to pay you for it. I think it was for this reason that a lot of internet music back then featured a lot of sampling. A lot of artists’ first forays into the world of DAWs and production took the form of mash-ups, bootleg remixes, and DJ mixes. Artists like Animal Collective, MIA, Kanye West, and Daft Punk for whom sampling was a pillar of their creative process were extremely influential. Elite Gymnastics was no exception - the first song of ours to gain traction online was “Is This On Me?” which made no attempt to hide the fact that it heavily sampled Faye Wong’s “Eyes On Me.” The fact that it was so difficult to make money off MP3s pushed people to make different creative decisions than they would have otherwise. It was sort of a free-for-all.
Eventually, all of this started to change. The major labels started getting a lot more aggressive about trying to destroy MP3 file-sharing culture. Platforms like MegaUpload were raided and taken offline. The replacements that sprung up to replace them were increasingly infested with ads and malware. Corporate platforms like YouTube and SoundCloud adopted Content ID filters to prevent the proliferation of copyrighted music there. Blogs and private torrent trackers being taken down meant thousands of hours of labor were wiped out in an instant. Some of the best archives of the history of recorded music ever created were destroyed without hesitation. Even the most devoted participants lost the will to keep repairing and re-making the stuff that cops and record companies kept obliterating.
Josh and I both dreamed of being able to make a living as musicians. We still do. Back then, we were willing to accept a lot of changes in order to make that possible, which seemed necessary. A lot of the stuff that we were great at just didn’t make any money. Once, we were asked to do a remix of a song called “Sa Sa Samoa” by the band Korallreven. I did the remix by myself, which was normal for us, and Josh was so inspired by it that he spent a week working non-stop to create a video for it. People loved it - the day the video dropped, Pitchfork designated the song as a “Best New Track” and New York Magazine wrote about it in their “Approval Matrix.” The video led to a ton of exposure, but from a financial perspective, it just did not make sense to put that much effort into promoting a remix of someone else’s song. The stuff we were personally excited by just seemed to have less and less to do with what actually makes money.
A lot of internet bands during this era began to palpably shapeshift in an effort to succeed in music as a career. Artists who’d first attracted notice for sample-based bangers they made on a laptop started posing with vintage hardware in their press photos and trading in their laptops for live bands and recording studios. It became harder to distribute DJ mixes or mash-ups that contained copyrighted music in them. Influential bloggers either closed up shop or were absorbed into the traditional music industry in some way. Feeds that once touted bizarre songs by laptop-toting weirdos with no industry connections started to become populated mostly by artists with labels and publicists. The bottom rungs of festival lineups started to consist mostly of new major label signings who have lots of money to spend on stage production but not much in the way of grassroots fan enthusiasm or media buzz.
Internet music and what people tend to refer to as “indie music” split off into two separate streams. Today, there’s a pretty intense firewall between internet culture and whatever you want to call the culture of vinyl records, mid-sized indie labels with publicists, and positive reviews from the few remaining websites that still pay people to write about music. I call it “publicist indie,” “lifestyle techno,” or “prestige electronica” depending on whether or not the music features guitars and/or vocals. The recent online kerfuffle about NFTs really emphasized this split. The worlds of digital illustration and game development campaigned aggressively against mass adoption of cryptocurrency - if you saw any Medium posts explaining crypto’s environmental issues, chances are they were written by someone from those fields. Every new announcement by an artist that they had minted an NFT was met with a swift and vocal backlash from fans. Though I’ve never really been much of an Aphex Twin fan, it was still pretty startling to look at the replies under his NFT announcement tweet and see hundreds of furious people announcing that he was now dead to them. That’s an artist who has seemed more or less unimpeachable for most of my life up until this point! All of that seemed to change in an instant.
There is a massive disconnect between the insular world of the industry establishment and the cutting edge of online counterculture. We saw this again a couple of weeks ago with the online response to the crisis in Gaza. We saw passionate advocacy for Palestinians from games journalists and developers much more often than we saw it from musicians. This is a very serious problem for music! I do not believe it is possible to please both sides - that is to say, I do not believe it is possible to be part of internet counterculture and the industry establishment simultaneously. The music industry is too conservative, too compromised, too corrupt. If it weren’t for the ocean of valuable copyrights that labels are sitting on, most of them would be bankrupt within a year. If the industry was forced to live or die based on how they handle what’s happening right now in the present, it would most assuredly die. The only people who don’t realize this are those who are being paid to stay ignorant.
Josh and I did not know this back then. From where we were standing, it looked like internet culture and established media industries were on track to converge. A career in the arts seemed genuinely, tantalizingly possible, right up until the moment that it no longer did.
In my case, I had really been struggling up until that point. My life had been this ongoing sequence of evictions and hospitalizations, and it seemed to be getting worse, not better. I donated plasma twice a week to pay for groceries and while I was sitting there with a giant needle stuck in my left arm for an hour I would see my picture in The Fader or my songs being recommended by one of the Kings of Leon on Twitter or whatever. Music seemed like the only thing the world thought I was any good at. It felt like my only chance at a peaceful, happy life was somewhere out there in a world I could only perceive through a laptop screen.
Gender, for me, was a big factor in all of this. The more invested in the craft of songwriting I became, the harder it was to repress or ignore my gender stuff. At that time I’m not sure I even knew what the word “transgender” meant - I just knew that when I showed up at a venue wearing a skirt, no one would talk to me or look me in the eye, and that reading about people like Anohni or Terre Thaemlitz or on the internet made me feel like if I could get out of Minneapolis maybe I could find a place where people would accept me. The internet was like, a pretty toxic place for someone in my position. When I tried to find people to talk to about what I was feeling, nobody tried to tell me to read Judith Butler or ask me what pronouns I preferred. The internet was just like, overrun with predators who just wanted to fetishize me and exploit me. Music seemed like the only way I’d ever have an actual life as myself. I was desperate for that. I was well and truly desperate.
Between all the big changes that were happening to us individually and the music industry moving farther and farther away of the anarchic free-for-all of MP3 file-sharing culture, the strain on us just got to be too much. We stopped trusting each other. We became the unstoppable force and the immovable object, crashing haphazardly against one another’s resolve in a dazzling display of youthful futility. Our partnership ended, and after finishing out the remaining live shows on the calendar by myself, I retired the name “Elite Gymnastics” and started making music on my own under other names. That was that.
Q: Why is Elite Gymnastics coming back now, then?
A: Over the years, Josh and I eventually started talking again. Though there was a lot we did agree on, and potential future projects were discussed, nothing truly felt right. We haven’t been in the same room since Summer 2012, and we’ve both changed a lot since then. We both have other projects and we’ve both developed other ways of working since we stopped working together. It’s a pretty big commitment to put all of that aside in order to join your fortunes together with someone you haven’t seen in a decade.
Recently, Josh decided to leave Elite Gymnastics. His reasons are his own, and I was very surprised by his decision, but after having had time to adjust, I’m really grateful to him. I had kept these songs at a distance for many years, because it seemed foolish to allow myself to get too attached to songs I didn’t feel like I was allowed to think of as mine, if that makes any sense. The songs felt like casualties of a conflict that I had to bury in the ground and try to forget about. Being able to embrace them again felt like re-growing a severed limb or having a loved one come back to life, almost. Feeling like it was safe to love these songs again made me feel whole in a way I didn’t expect to. I became really excited by the prospect of revisiting them, so that’s what I decided to do.
Q: Does this mean you’re going to put RUIN back on Spotify?
A: No. Taking the record off Spotify was the right thing to do. That record was only ever intended to exist during the era of MP3 piracy. I never envisioned a world where the music industry would be so aggressive about policing the way that copyrighted music is allowed to exist online. If we hadn’t opted to take the record down when we did, someone would inevitably have forced us to. If you want to hear those specific recordings again, you’re going to have to do it the way we originally intended: by downloading MP3 files from the internet. Try SoulSeek.
Q: What’s next for Elite Gymnastics, then?
A: Here’s the situation currently. There is no Elite Gymnastics music available to stream or purchase in an official capacity anywhere on the internet. It wouldn’t really be possible for me to put the old stuff on Spotify or Bandcamp now because of all the samples. Like I said before, it was a different time. Those records were created to thrive on a past version of the internet that no longer exists. They weren’t designed to be compatible with the 2021 internet.
Technically, Elite Gymnastics didn’t ever release a debut album. We had EPs, a compilation, and a remix collection. We didn’t make an album, a record that existed as the distillation of all that experimentation that contained all of the songs that fans of the EPs would want to hear, all in one place. It’s like we did Good Fridays but stopped before we made My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.
So, I am currently working on the first Elite Gymnastics album. If you were following my stuff as Default Genders, you may have noticed me posting demos on my SoundCloud page from 2015-2018 that were all eventually reworked into the album Main Pop Girl 2019. The album I am making is taking that approach to all the old EG songs, including some unreleased stuff. I’m collaborating with others on some songs and I honestly feel like it has resulted in some of the best and most exciting music I have ever been involved with. It is a drastic reinvention, but iteration and reinvention have always been a big part of what I do. I want to make something that feels like the culmination of everything that came before, and so far, I think I’m succeeding.
Q: When will I be able to hear this new music?
At a virtual fundraiser on June 4th, 2021, where there is a suggested donation of $10. You can access it at quietyear.com
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Hi, I know you’re a fan of namjoon so I wanted to ask your thoughts on this ring thing? I’m kinda new and assumed all these namjoon is married with kids stuff were a joke. But some people seem to totally believe that. I mean where he’d get the time to see a partner and kids is beyond me but who knows? Anyways I was looking at some of their recent pics and he doesn’t wear it all the time - which if it was a couples ring - wouldn’t he? I thought maybe he would only wear it if they were appearing on Run or Korean shows, but he didn’t have it on for either of the new shows they’ve been on recently, as they may not have been as widely watched. I mean I guess it’s none of our business - but I’m trying to rip of my delulu hat for making me think Seokjin gave it to him 🙈
Hi anon, I hope you don’t mind that I’ll combine my answer for you with my answer to another ask since I feel like they fall into the same kind of category, as in people taking things too far and/or blowing things out of proportion. And, coincidentally, both have something to do with rings.
I’ll start with your question though and give you another example that followed a very similar trajectory as the omg namjoon is married with kids because ring narrative/theory. Some months ago, Namjoon posted a few pictures on twitter and among them was a picture of him with another guy wearing a green sweater. His face though was covered. At first ARMY didn’t think much of it, but then, eventually, someone started a joke that “remember that sweater Joon wore for BV4? The guy is wearing the same one, what if that's his boyfriend?” and it went viral.
It started out completely harmless with hundreds of positive and funny tweets made in good humor, no one taking it that seriously knowing that we’d never find out even if it were true. But, as the jokes started to simmer down, everyone had their laugh, the next wave came in and this one decided that this isn’t a joke at all but serious matter. Quickly this harmless fun turned into a witch hunt of “ARMY” trying to figure out who the guy might be, if he is Namjoon’s mysterious friend that once sent him a coffee truck with custom drawn designs on it, perhaps the same one with whom Namjoon already once posted a picture sitting on this garden porch swing type thing, some even trying to prove that the guy is either Seokjin (in which case, what would be the need to cover his face?) or Florist Isaac whom they met during that one RUN episode.
So, very quickly a few idiots turned harmless fun into something almost malicious and got into fights with ARMY who were trying to tell them to stop.
The ring thing followed a similar story. It was once a harmless joke based on the fact that Namjoon wants to have kids one day, so some made jokes about what if he’s already married but we just didn’t know etc. But very quickly that got out of hand as well, going as far as people claiming the little girl in his pictures which he posted around his birthday or something is his daughter (even though it was said it’s probably the child actress from BTS WORLD) and that him making jokes (during a BangtanB while trying on glasses before their MOTS7 press con) about his child being able to read/write hangul at a very young age wasn’t jokes at all but solid proof of the fact that he is married with a child (despite the fact that he would’ve had to have gotten married and his wife pregnant not long after their debut for the timeline to even work out somehow which makes it seem even more ridiculous). This even went as far as people spamming the comments during this vlives with questions about it, flooded his selcas on twitter with questions and “jokes” and, again, attacked anyone who told them to stop.
In all of this, watching it happen from the sidelines as someone whose bias is Namjoon, I was confused why these particular rings (which I don’t even think were the same ones each time) caused such a reaction. The members have all worn so many different rings over the years, on all fingers, sometimes even like eight at the same time, and yet it wasn’t until 2020 and their KBS interview after their first BBH100 #1 that things went bonkers. All because Namjoon decided to take the ring off before they started filming or something.
In all of this I see two things that make me wonder:
When would he have the time to find a girl (since same sex marriage is not a thing in Korea) with whom he would have enough time to befriend her, trust her (considering who Namjoon is, that one is a major thing), fall in love, date and be together for a few years, and then get married? From Seokjin we know they have maybe two or three days off a month and work at least ten hours a day on their BH regulated schedules. Add to that the time they spend in the studio working on music outside of schedules, gym time, a few hours of sleep, and perhaps a few scarce hours of free time to (in Namjoon’s case) go to a museum or ride his bike, does that really leave enough time for romance (with an outsider) that leads to marriage (and a child)?
Is age 26 at the height of their career really the time for marriage? Even more so when you are someone like Namjoon, the leader of the world’s biggest group with more responsibilities than we can likely imagine as outsiders. Sure, he said he wants kids, but he can still have those in his thirties, he can also get married in his thirties, after all, life does not end once you hit thirty despite what some teens believe.
Lastly, I actually think that if it were true, Namjoon, or really anyone from the hyung line, would be the ones who wouldn’t have to hide it, at least not when compared to the maknaes. You could argue that “it would threaten their career” but would it really? Perhaps if the ring were from a man (some namjinists did make jokes that it’s like his promise ring from Seokjin or whatever, but it was all in good fun, nothing more than that), then yes, but connected to a woman? That one member from EXO also came out and said he’s getting married because his fiancé was pregnant and all it did was cause a few fansites to close and a handful of people to “protest” in front of the SM building.
Little correction about my comments about that EXO member, though even with this my point still stands:
From anon: Re: your last post about namjoon’s rings! I agree with everything you said but just a small correction. I’m not an EXO stan but it wasn’t just a a few “protests” or fansites closing. From what I read online, he his fiancée and later wife, and his child were harassed, threatened and stalked to the point where he enlisted early just to give his family some relief. We all know there are people like this in every fandom and I know BTS would be aware of these things, so they’ll be extra careful.
Would there be delulus like this who’d go crazy if Namjoon were to say “ARMY, I’m (getting) married”? Of course. Would it ruin BTS’ career? I seriously doubt it. Do I think Namjoon would actually come out and say it if it were the case? No, but not because it’s bad idol etiquette or because BH wouldn’t allow him, but because people are insane and who knows what they would do.
It’s the same with times when people argue “I wish X ML members would just say he has a girlfriend so the ship wars would end” without taking into consideration the girl’s safety and the fact that a partner different than the one X member is shipped with has never been that big of an obstacle for some before. Just create a conspiracy theory about the company forcing this upon them and voila problem solved. We’ve seen that before when the tattoo scandal happened, and people thought JK might be dating that tattoo artist and therefore it would mean he isn’t in a relationship with Jimin or Tae.
Whatever happens in the members private lives, it is safer for all parties involved if it stays private, even more so if their romantic partners were non-idols, or non-celebrities, or another member.
Now onto the second ring question:
From anon: I am a young army and I am slowly losing my bearings. I've seen Vlive S, H and V. Many say it was a Tk*ok day (?) And all three emphasized it, and the V even wore the friendship ring for Jungkook. Is it true? I don't understand anything about it, I don't see it. After the last BTS interview on TV, I thought Vmin are best friends, not Tk*ok. I thought V said he didn't want Tk*ok and yet he was so happy during Vlive because it was Tk*ok day? Help!
Now this one, I was curious if we’d get an ask about this, even more since, if you’re a reader of our blog, you likely already know what I’m going to say.
Let’s start where you usually do—at the beginning. The day of the vlive coincided with what T*ek*okers have decided on is T*ek*ok Day, based on how supposedly some years ago this was the day Tae and JK named their subunit like this. I tried to find where exactly this happened, as in in which piece of official content, but I couldn’t find anything except for a screenshot. Anyone have a clue or a link?
Side note: T*ek*okers love using the “ship” naming as proof that not only are they real but also proudly showing it off by giving themselves a name but continently forget that they are not the only ones who gave themselves subunit names. After all Jimin and Namjoon named themselves MiniMoni, or Yoongi and Jimin who are MiniMini, Namjoon and Seokjin calling themselves RJRJ last year, or that one vlive with JK, Jimin and Seokjin where they also put together their names the way you build ship names. At the end of that vlive Tae, thanks to come prompting from the chat, named their trio vsope, so does that mean they are a romantic ship now too?
If you were watching that vlive as it was happening, and decided to look at the chat, then you know what was happening. For those who did not, basically the chat was flooded with comments about T*ek*ok Day, asking where JK is whom Tae loves, where his boyfriend JK is, congratulating Tae for T*ek*ok Day etc. Basically shippers took their shipping into a space where it doesn’t belong, into a space where the members can see it, and therefore purposefully broke one of the shipping rules (I even saw some tweet about how they were proud of themselves for literally spamming the chat with T*ek*ok comments which is so wrong, and I mean that regardless of which ship we talk about). In between those were the usual other comments like speak English or say hello to XYZ or say XYZ in whatever language, and very few comments that actually reacted to what the members were doing on screen. Like when Tae said he didn’t shave, instead of telling him that it’s fine, which it is, it’s his face after all, some decided to tell him he should shave more often, basically telling him what to do, which he saw and read out. Great job.
But all the madness came to a “climax” when Hobi was reading comments and among some other ones read out T*ek*ok, just the word not the T*ek*ok Day ones, and unfortunately we all knew he wasn’t reading out the Korean word for Thailand, which sounds the same though it is spelled a little differently. In that moment all hell broke loose. Focus cams of Tae’s facial expression in that moment went viral among shippers, most of course claiming he looked so happy, while other non-shippers claimed he didn’t look happy at all. It’s a micro moment so I won’t get into it, who knows what Tae thought in that moment and what his facial expression meant and if it even had any connection to the word and Hobi reading it out loud at all.
Because he read that comment, Hobi was basically crowned the new leader of the T*ek*ok shippers (I thought that role already went to Jimin?) and twitter basically had a meltdown.
As for the ring, I know this is something a lot of ships have, with romantic connotations according to their shippers, so I was curious how these rings supposedly look like in T*ek*ok’s case and if they even match the ring that Tae wore in the vlive. If it would, fine, if not, well…
If it’s not clear from the picture, the “supposed couple” or friendship rings are very delicate and thin, and sure enough I did find a lot of pictures in which both Tae and JK wore them, usually at different times, I will admit that. But the ring Tae wore during their vlive recently was much thicker and had some kind of design on it, therefore it’s a completely different one. Sorry. Why he wore it, if he bought it for himself or received it from someone, what emotional connotation to may or may not have, those are things we won’t know anything about unless he would tell us, so there's no point in speculating.
“Many say it was a Tk*ok day (?) And all three emphasized it” now this is curious to me since I watched the vlive as it was happening, and I didn’t see that at any point in the vlive. Sure, Hobi read that one comment, but if 95% of comments were about that, I wasn’t even surprised by it. Perhaps he thought that it would get people to stop? Perhaps he just read whatever comments his eyes landed on? Perhaps something else entirely? We have no way of knowing it so there is no point in trying to fixate on it. But besides that, they were talking about many other things and having fun making their smoothies, decorating them and just having a good time together with each other and with ARMY.
So, this way of presenting the vlive basically comes down to shipper perception, confirmation bias, and simply, almost, rewriting history.
Rings do not determine who your best friend is (according to a quick google search, wearing a ring on your index finger simply means friendship or self-esteem/authority), after all many of the members have rings either from each other or ones that match, like Namjoon buying Jimin a Cartier ring for his birthday a few years ago which Jimin proudly wore since it’s really pretty, or pink and blue rings (there are several different ones, actually) that Namjoon has worn with Seokjin in the past (which fits into the Namjinist pink and blue agenda), or the rings Jimin and JK have together according to their shippers, and many more. Jimin and Tae have a whole plethora of matching jewelry in form of necklaces, rings, bracelets, even contact lenses (as in wearing one of each pair to match each other), some which were chosen by their stylists and others they bought themselves for themselves (which are all conveniently “forgotten” by those who ship either big ML ship). Though we’ve seen that even with clothes given by their stylists they were still the ones to choose their own accessories, like Namjoon choosing a pair of glasses from a whole box of different ones, or the members choosing rings from two big boxes before going on stage.
Tae himself said, on multiple occasions across multiple years, that Jimin is his best friend, even his one and only best friend, and that he’s the one he likes most which he even proclaimed on national TV. As long as Tae doesn’t say that this has changed in the last, what, two weeks and suddenly JK is officially his new best friend, those who claim otherwise are basically nothing but shippers pushing a narrative that willfully ignores Tae’s own words. Just like they ignore and twist his Weverse comment about how T*ek*okers should get out of their imagination. What doesn’t fit is ignored or adjusted until it does fit.
Lastly, sure enough, Tae really was happy during that vlive but I’m fairly certain (though neither you, them or I will ever know for sure, we’re not in Tae’s head) it had absolutely no connection to T*ek*ok Day, something shippers created and not Tae and JK themselves, seeing as Tae has been in a very good and happy mood for a few months now. Whatever makes him so happy, I truly hope it’ll continue making him happy and I wish shippers (and solo stans) would stop trying to force a reason (which fits them) upon his emotions.
I know it’s easy to get confused by how loud shippers are online, especially as young ARMY (in this case both ARMY who are young age wise but also young in the sense of being new to the fandom), but shipper opinions, in many cases, are just noise, and also noise twisted and skewed a certain way to suit them. If you kept to OT7 spaces on the day of that vlive, no one really paid attention to the ring, most were annoyed by and furious at the shamelessness of the shippers in the comments, and tried to just focus on how fun the vlive was instead.
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˛ ⠀ * ⠀ ★ ⠀ JESSICA ALEXANDER . CIS FEMALE . SHE / HER ⧽ ⠀ have you seen the 786 latest post ? sources say they have some serious dirt on the child of a big time COUNTRY MUSIC STARS . they haven’t revealed who it was yet but my best is on MADISON DARLING ! ever since that last update about how she ALLEGEDLY GOT CAUGHT SPORTING A BABY BUMP LAST YEAR BEFORE GHOSTING EVERYONE i don’t put anything pass them . i mean , these celebrity kids are just out of control . they do whatever they want , whenever they want and are ungrateful in the process !! i mean take MADDIE for example , they’re a TWENTY THREE year old DANCER , and what did they do to get there ? have famous parents ! like hello , just because you HAVE BEEN IN MUSIC VIDEOS WITH A-LIST MUSICIANS doesn’t mean you actually deserved it . i’m glad the 786 is taking them down a notch . it’s about time someone does .
𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐆𝐋𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐂 / 𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓 / 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒
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hey ... hey ... how y’all doin’ ? i’m sooo excited to be here , besties ! sorry i’m late with the intro , it’s been a looooong weekend for me but i’m eager to get the ball rolling . so here’s the rundown , the google doc has a full bio + more stats + headcanons but i don’t expect anyone to actually read all that nonsense so i’ve tried my best to sum it up below ( it’s still kinda long tho i’m sorry y’all i ramble too much ). i’m always down to talk plots & threw a few wanted connection ideas at the bottom , so feel free to hmu on discord any time <3 but yes okay let’s get into it
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━━ ˊ * 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 . .
𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞. madison dallas darling . 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞(𝐬). maddie , mads . 𝐝𝐨𝐛. april 14 , 1998 . 𝐚𝐠𝐞. twenty - three . 𝐳𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐜. aries sun , libra moon , leo asc . 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫. cis female . 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬. she / her . 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. bisexual . 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞. nashville , tn . 𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭. 5ft 5in . 𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. high school diploma . 𝐨𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. dancer / realty tv personality . 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐬. robert “robbie” darling - father . dixie darling - mother . delaney darling - sister . 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬. compassionate , imaginative , family-oriented , devoted , generous , sympathetic , idealistic , self critical , naive , competitive , indecisive , impressionable , elusive , sensitive .
━━ ˊ * 𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲 . .
tw : things like shitty controlling parents , injury , & pregnancy are mentioned
born & raised in nashville , tennessee , madison is the daughter of two country music icons ( basically blake shelton & miranda lambert ) & has only ever known a life in the spotlight . her parents were a widely adored it couple who shared their lives with millions of viewers across the world with their reality tv show . at 7pm cst you could tune in to watch robbie & dixie raise their two daughters - having some good ol’ wholesome family fun while juggling responsibilities that come with being famous artists . to any outsider looking in , they seemed like the perfect family . a loving father , a supportive mother , two prim & proper daughters that collected accolade after accolade in every pageant & talent competition they ever entered . but you shouldn’t believe everything you see on tv , even if it’s deceptively labeled as “reality” .
when the cameras weren’t rolling , the darling sisters were left under their mother’s restrictive control . dixie darling treated her daughters more like dolls than living beings , madison & delaney were basically pretty little accessories . while robbie never dared to mistreat his daughters , he was around a lot less than the show made it seem - often touring the world rather than spending quality time with his girls . plus , dixie & robbie seemed to endlessly fight with one another - nearly every childhood memory madison has of her parents involves them yelling . if she wanted to see them looking happy & in love , she’d have to tune in to the fabricated reality on their own show to get a taste of what a happy , loving family looks like .
you can’t be a child of dixie darling without being exploited in some way . while delaney was pushed into the music scene , madison was shoved into the world of dance . she took every class that was offered & practiced for hours upon hours to perfect her craft . her sister had taken after their folks with the singing voice of an angel & the looks to rival that of miss universe , meanwhile maddie was good for two things : dance & doing whatever her mother said . so when dixie said to twirl , she twirled , when she said do a grand jeté, maddie asked how high & then over performed like the good little girl she was trained to be .
it wasn’t until her parents got divorced & maddie moved to miami to be with her sister , her father , & her father’s new girlfriend that she sort of came out ( or more accruately described as dragged out ) of her timid , non - confrontational , subservient shell . with a longer leash , she had more freedom to roam far & wide . no one tried to tell her what to do or who to talk to & considering she was just a privileged teenager with endless funds & the status to get away with just about anything , you can imagine how badly that went . every mistake she made was broadcasted onto people’s televisions or headlined in tabloids . it was stressful , growing up & messing up all under the watchful gaze of millions of people who felt entitled to berate her for her poor life decisions . just because they watched her grow up on tv didn’t mean they actually knew anything about her . & yet so many people shared their unsolicited opinions on her & her life . it drove her insame .
maddie wasn’t handling the stress of being well known very well . she wanted a break from it all , to just go somewhere far away where no one knew her name & just live by herself . it was a silly dream . nothing she’d ever actively pursue . but the universe has a funny way of giving us a taste of what we think we want just to teach us a lesson .
so over a year ago , maddie found out that she was pregnant . it was a shock to say the least . she kept it a close guarded secret from everyone but her sister for awhile . not only was it a life changing development , but it was one thing that she was determined not to share with the rest of the world . with the idea of running away in continuous loop in the back of her mind , she came up with a plan to buy herself some time . she faked a really bad injury during a performance & let the media run with saying she might not be able to walk , let alone dance ever again . pushing the cover story even further , she claimed to be in need of intense physical therapy & sought after it in a luxurious private lodge in new zealand . that’s where she stayed during her year away , letting no outsiders come visit while she figured out how she was going to move forward with this baby growing inside of her .
so maddie finally got the break she was looking for even if it wasn’t under the circumstances that she would’ve liked . but she adapted to the situation . in her time away , she went through the entire pregnancy but it was basically decided for her by her parents that it was best to give the baby up for adoption . the little girl would be in good care by a couple that was a family friend of the darlings . better to bless someone who wanted a baby but couldn’t have one than for maddie to keep her daughter when she wasn’t in a place to take care of her . it broke her heart , honestly . she had grown quite attached to the baby & even entertained the idea of being a single mom even though she knew her own mom would never let that happen - it would go against the strict narrative that they try to put out there about the darling family .
after a year away , maddie is back in miami without anyone knowing what really happened . she keeps using the “injury” as the excuse for her absence from the spotlight . anyone really close to her might be able to tell that something’s off , but she’s trying so hard to act like everything is fine & nothing has changed at all . she might even be able to get away with her lies - if it wasn’t for that damn 786 website threatening to spill the tea & make her life hell .
━━ ˊ * 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 & 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 . .
a wannabe good girl gone bad but harbors a deep rooted fear of being a disappointment & a failure due to her mom’s strict parenting style . so like she wants to be rebellious & come across as carefree but internally she’s panic screaming always ( honestly relatable like same , girl )
well - mannered in a sweet southern belle kind of way with her please’s & thank you’s & calling everyone ma’am & sir out of respect & what not
biiiig mom friend energy . she just wants to make sure that everyone is taken care of . she can get very protective & a little helicopter parent-y with her friends . it probably has something to do with control issues that she doesn’t realize she has but we don’t have time to unpack that rn akjsdbk
before her year away i want to say that she was a lot more people please-y / overly eager to please ?? like rarely said no to people that asked for favors , always agreed to any plans people invited her to out of courtesy , & what have you . but now i see her as being a little less patient than before & a little bit more unhinged & quick to shut down or snap
guillable ! naive ! dumb as hell ! believes that everyone was raised with the same values as her & has a big of a heart like she does so she’s easily subjectable to getting her feelings hurt & i say let it happen !!
wants to be mysterious so bad but there is very little known about her & her life that isn’t public knowledge . she could get shit on by a bird & it’ll probably become a twitter highlight idk she just wants to believe she’s imperceptible & acts all evasive in order to keep her private life private but that rarely ever has the desired effect
one of those annoying rich & famous people that’s like “i wasn’t meant to be famous . i was meant to have a normal life & be a normal person” but like !! she is actually so out of touch with reality & probably couldn’t tell you how much milk is at the grocery store because she has people to do mundane day to day things for her . spoiled little privileged rich girl , let’s be real . her dad tried to keep her humble , idk what happened
dance style / career is pretty much inspired by maddie ziegler but also not really bc i am very picky & choosey about which aspects of her career i’m pulling from
boring on social media because she hardly ever posts & is very short with her captions & tweets when she does make an appearance online every blue moon
dodges questions about what she’s been up to while she was gone like she’s in the matrix or something . all that pr training her mom put her through when she was younger is coming in handy because she has not given a single honest , straight answer in the months she’s been back . would rather talk about anything else than herself right now so don’t be surprised if she pulls some random subject changes out of her ass if people get nosy . i’m sure the common conspiracy is that maddie was so embarrassed by the fall on stage that she went into hiding
delaney is the kim kardashian & britney spears of the family while madison is the kourtney & the jamie lynn xoxo
━━ ˊ * 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 . .
ride or die , bad influence , frenemies , family friends , good influence , confidant , rival , girl squad , non judging breakfast club , childhood friend , unlikely friend , exes on good terms , exes on bad terms , neighbors , pr friendship , pr enemy , social media mutuals , party buddies , secret friend , secret hook - up , crush , friends with benefits , adventure buddy , enemy with benefits , dance partners , mentors , mentees , sibling like relationship , will they won’t they , people suspicious of her & her supposed “injury” , father of her baby 👀 jk ..... unless
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AITA
My bestie’s latest quarantine hobby is trolling through AITA on reddit and sending me ones she thinks will make me mad, so. I got inspired.
E/R, modern AU.
The sun was bright and the mood, all things considered, was high, as the crowd gathered by the river in preparation for the march downtown to call for defunding the police. Black Lives Matter was leading the protest, and Enjolras had volunteered Les Amis to serve as support and allies in whatever way they could, which mostly meant making sure folks were wearing masks and that no one decided to try something stupid with the cops.
“Good crowd,” Courfeyrac remarked, bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet as he glanced around before looking back at Enjolras. “As much as I’m sure it’s killing you that they’re only calling for defunding and not abolition.”
“Yeah, well, not even a year ago, no one was talking about defunding the police,” Enjolras pointed out, a little sourly, adjusting his mask, which was emblazoned with WHITE SILENCE IS VIOLENCE. “I’ll take what progress I can get.”
Courfeyrac smirked. “You sound practically moderate.”
Enjolras scowled. “Take that back, or—”
His threat was cut off by the arrival of Joly, Bossuet and Grantaire. It was hard to tell by the masks all three wore, but Enjolras was pretty sure that all three were grinning, and judging by the way Bossuet was swaying, just slightly, it wasn’t just because they were in a good mood.
“I’ll take it you three decided to hit up a brunch spot on your way here?” Enjolras asked, even more sourly than before.
“A man has to eat,” Joly said innocently, which would have gone over much more believably had he not giggled at the end.
“Besides, we only ordered one drink,” Bossuet assured him.
Enjolras pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let me guess,” he said dryly, “you each ordered a bottomless mimosa.” He didn’t wait for any of them to confirm it. “And how many refills of said drink did you also order?”
Joly and Bossuet looked at each other and laughed, and Grantaire pulled his mask down to grin lazily at Enjolras. “Let me put it this way,” he said, “more than one and less than ten.” He paused. “Probably. I did lose track after about seven.”
Snickering, Joly and Bossuet headed over to join the rest of Les Amis, but when Grantaire made to follow, Enjolras blocked him, his arms crossed in front of his chest. “You’re drunk,” he said accusingly, and Grantaire’s grinned widened.
“Well, I’m sure as shit not sober.”
“Put your mask back on,” Enjolras ordered, less concerned for himself, as Grantaire was part of his quarantine bubble, and more for everyone else milling around before the march started. Especially any journalists who might love to get a shot of BLM protesters breaking the mask mandate. “And go home, Grantaire.”
Grantaire slowly pulled his mask back up over his mouth and nose, smoothing it into place before looking at Enjolras plaintively, all trace of humor vanishing from his expression. “Let me stay here,” he said, his voice soft, and not just from the cotton that covered his mouth.
Enjolras shook his head, well aware that even if Grantaire might suddenly sound sober, he wasn’t. “Go home,” he repeated. “The last thing we need is your drunk ass picking a fight with the cops or something worse and turning this whole thing into a riot instead of the peaceful protest its organizers intended.”
“What, you think I’m incapable of going two or three hours without starting a brawl?” Grantaire asked, incredulous.
Enjolras arched an eyebrow. “I think you’re incapable of a great many things.”
Grantaire’s lip curled. “Like believing, thinking, willing, living and dying?”
“Only you seem to think you’re incapable of dying,” Enjolras said quietly, before repeating, one more time, “Go home.”
But Grantaire shook his head, taking a step toward him. “If you’re so worried about it, then send Bahorel home, too!” he insisted. “Send home Joly and Bossuet who are just as drunk as I am. Or else let me stay.”
“No.”
Enjolras said the word calmly, but Grantaire recoiled as if he had shorted. “And why not?”
“Because I trust them!” Enjolras burst, his temper getting the better of him, and he scrubbed a hand across his face before adding, what he hoped was a calmer way, “I trust them to actually listen to my instructions and keep themselves out of trouble.”
But something in Grantaire’s face clouded as soon as Enjolras had said that he trusted them, and Enjolras had a bad feeling that he hadn’t really listened to the last part. “Right,” Grantaire said, a little dully, already turning away. “Well. I’ll see you later, I guess.”
“Grantaire,” Enjolras sighed, reaching out to catch his arm, but Grantaire shrugged him off, wandering towards the river, the hunch of his shoulders the only indication that he had any care in the world. Enjolras stared after him for a long moment, his expression troubled.
----------
Four days later, Grantaire rolled over in bed when his phone buzzed. He picked it up off his nightstand, saw that it was a text from Enjolras, and immediately tossed it down again, groaning.
He hadn’t talked to Enjolras since that morning of the BLM protest, and at this rate, he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to. Not when he knew that Enjolras didn’t trust him.
Joly would tell him he was being dramatic, and Bossuet would tell him to just text Enjolras and apologize and move on, and since Grantaire wanted to hear neither of those things, he also wasn’t talking to Joly or Bossuet.
Instead, he rolled over onto his stomach, grabbing his phone and stubbornly ignoring the text message from Enjolras still sitting, unread, in his messages. Instead, he clicked on twitter, figuring if he was going to sulk, he might as well sulk while reading about someone else’s misery.
A half hour later, Grantaire had scrolled through what felt like half of twitter before he stumbled upon a random tweet that linked to an ‘Am I the Asshole?’ post on the subreddit of the same name, and he glanced at the clock before deciding he had enough time to waste a couple of hours on a whole new level of misery.
He might’ve kept scrolling for hours, when he stumbled upon an AITA post that was surprisingly familiar.
Suspiciously familiar.
Like he had lived it.
He hesitated for only a moment before clicking on the post.
Posted by u/RadianceoftheFuture 8 hours ago AITA for kicking my friend out of a protest?
So I (25M) was attending a BLM protest the other day with the social justice organization I run. One of my friends, who we’ll call ‘R” (28M), showed up drunk and, IMO, looking to start a fight. This was the last thing I wanted, since we were there to be good allies, and starting fights or inciting a riot as white folks who will get away with it ain’t it. So naturally, I told him to go home.
Now here’s where I may be the asshole. R started arguing with me, and pointed out that some our other friends who were also there were also drunk, and one of our other friends who was there has a history of starting fights, so he asked me why I wasn’t making them leave. I told him it was because I trusted them.
Which is true, but not exactly how I wanted to word it, and I could tell that he was hurt by the implication that I didn’t trust him. And I do trust him, but I also didn’t want to spend the entire time worried about him. Anyway, he left, and he hasn’t talked to me since. If I’m the asshole, I want to apologize so that we can go back to being friends, and even if I wasn’t, I still want to figure out a way for us to talk again. I miss him. So tell me, AITA?
Grantaire stared at his phone, torn between something warm spreading in his chest at the fact that Enjolras cared enough to ask anonymous strangers on the internet about this, and freaking out because Enjolras had posted about their disagreement on the internet.
The man had only two speeds, it seemed, and somehow, Grantaire always ended up dealing with Enjolras on the highest speed.
Numbly, and mostly in an attempt to gather his thoughts, Grantaire scrolled through the comments on the post, unsurprised to see a decent mix of judgements from the redditors. More than expected YTAs (you’re the asshole), plus a number of NTAs (not the asshole), and, predominantly, a smattering of NAH (no assholes here).
Halfway down the page, he paused, realizing that the person who had written the post had responded to a question.
u/oldcoats_oldfriends - 7 hours ago INFO: why do you trust your other friends and not R?
u/RadianceoftheFuture - 6 hours ago Because R has a history of getting himself in trouble, whether by running his mouth off when he shouldn’t or picking fights with guys twice his side, and the trouble he gets into tends to happen after he’s been drinking. So when you put the two together, I was worried he’d do something stupid and get himself locked up or worse. And since keeping an eye on the rest of the protest was important, I knew I couldn’t afford to be distracted by also keeping an eye on him.
And for the record, I trust R with a lot. He’s not as ideological as a lot of us, doesn’t even have a lot of the same beliefs, but I know he would never do anything to hurt the cause, or me. Of course, he might not HELP the Cause, or me, but still. I’ve never once doubted that R would take a bullet for me, if it came to that. I would just never in a million years want him to.
Grantaire swallowed, hard. Of course he would take a bullet for Enjolras, or more, but it had never occurred to him that knowing that might make Enjolras worried. Worried that Grantaire would do something stupid.
If only the man knew that Grantaire worried about Enjolras in exactly the same way.
Hesitating for only a moment, he decided to leave a comment of his own.
u/MyFullGlass1832 - 1 minute ago NAH. Sure your friend shouldn’t have been drunk and you were right to kick him out, but drinking doesn’t make him an asshole (though not talking to you might). I am curious why you would have been worried about him. He’s a grown man and not your responsibility.
He quickly closed out of reddit, not wanting to do something stupid and refresh until Enjolras responded, but he only half-paid attention to the tweets he scrolled past, glancing at the clock to see if it was still pathetic for him to check for a response.
But to his shock, when he finally gave in and checked forty-five minutes later, Enjolras had answered, and something in Grantaire’s stomach twisted to know that he was still checking the thread, still seeking a resolution.
u/RadianceoftheFuture - 39 minutes ago Maybe ‘worried about’ is the wrong term, but he’s my friend. I didn’t want him to get hurt, or worse, because he was drunk. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s gotten hurt on my watch, and everytime it happens, it’s awful. And not just because he won’t shut up about it for the next six months - I always feel so guilty, like I should’ve been protecting him. I know that’s not realistic, so the very least I can do is send him home when I think he’s liable to hurt himself. That way I can sleep at night knowing I did what I could.
The breath caught in Grantaire’s throat, and his chest felt tight, especially as he read the follow up comments.
u/valiant.artisan - 34 minutes ago INFO: Are you and R gay?
u/tremble_b4apoppy - 26 minutes ago Dude you may be in love with R.
u/timidinrepose - 21 minutes ago OMG this is the sweetest thing I’ve read all day.
u/Lymantria_dispar - 12 minutes ago. Pretty sure this might go a little beyond just friendship. Either way, I’m glad you care about your friend, and even though you weren’t TA, you should call him and explain why you told him to go home.
Grantaire couldn’t seem to stop his stupid smile as he stared at the computer, and this time, he didn’t hesitate, opening his text chain with Enjolras without reading any of Enjolras’s previous texts. He didn’t need to read them know.
NTA.
He sent the text and held his breath, wondering if Enjolras would acknowledge it, immediately, or try to play it cool. His one word answer indicate the former: Sorry?
But Grantaire wasn’t nearly as willing to play it coy. Not anymore. Your AITA post. I’m giving you my judgment. NTA.
In his mind, he could see Enjolras blush, that same way he did when he was frustrated, two spots of color rising high in his cheek as he stared at Grantaire. You saw that?
Even in his mind, it was a beautiful sight. Yeah
Then you should know, I agree with the majority opinion.
The image of Enjolras blushing disappeared, leaving Grantaire blinking at his phone, his brow furrowed as he tried to think of what the majority option would have been. Oh?
NAH.
Grantaire grinned, but before he could respond, Enjolras texted, Want to come over? I think I owe you an explanation in person.
I thought you’d never ask.
----------
u/ RadianceoftheFuture - 45 minutes ago UPDATE: AITA for kicking my friend out of a protest?
(Original.)
Thank you all very much for your feedback in the original post. There were a variety of perspectives on this, but some of the comments on the original post made me realize that I may in fact feel something more than friendship towards R, and it’s a good thing I figured it out, because he found the post, and even commented on it without me knowing! Anyway, we talked, I explained how I felt, and it turns out R’s had a thing for me pretty much since he’s known me. Anyway, we’re dating now, and while this isn’t exactly going to solve my problem of worrying about him, I also think he’ll be on somewhat better behavior now. For my sake at least.
We still have a lot to work on together, but we’re moving in the right direction. And to think, I probably never would’ve figured it out if it weren’t for reddit, of all the websites.
u/MyFullGlass1832 - 3 minutes ago WIBTA for hijacking my boyfriend’s reddit post to tell him that I love him?
u/ RadianceoftheFuture - 2 minutes ago YTA for sitting literally two feet away from me and responding to a reddit post when we could be doing something far more exciting.
u/MyFullGlass1832 - 1 minute ago ...good point.
#enjolras x grantaire#exr#enjoltaire#enjolras#grantaire#les miserables#fanfiction#modern au#reddit au#that pained me to type#anyway#developing relationship
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