#i portray him so adjusted because if i dont ill cry and scream and sob

[wwriothesley]

A person who gets a bit too close ( or they perceive to be close to him ) to Wriothesley will have the impression that he won in life. 

People would genuinely use this manner of speaking to flatter him, and he'd thank them politely and tell the one(s) that used this expression that he hasn't won- he fought hard for everything that he has now, and will keep fighting to help what he considers to be his home. He answers politely because he understands how this must look from the outside, and that the person is genuinely happy for him and thinks they're paying him a great compliment.

In their eyes, he went from a prisoner to royalty, from a nobody who has committed a nefarious crime into an atoned, functional member of society who has contributed the most to Fontaine's growth. In their eyes, the Duke has reformed fully, and is not feared from those who don't have a reason to fear him. To those who have met him, once they got over his intimidating looks, they'll admit to find him a polite and charming fellow with a bit of a dry humor.

Wriothesley's feelings can be summed up by this Game of Thrones quote:

I've lost a hand, a father, a son, a sister, and a lover, and soon enough I will lose a brother. And yet they keep telling me House Lannister won this war.

( Though, translated in italian, Jaime rather says ''They keep telling me House Lannister won this war. But then, why do I feel so cold inside?'', which I find it more fitting for this purpose. )

Wriothesley doesn't know his biological parents, and can't remember them, thus forgetting a part of his past. He has gone through hell on Earth, endured abuse and humiliating conditions of living, and the biggest realization of his life came when he understood that he had to murder his adoptive parents himself, as the law and authorities couldn't do anything to stop their crimes.

Despite all of his efforts to heal himself, there are the bad days; where he wakes up in cold sweat and has to pry the sheets that feel like an hanging noose from around his neck.

He dreamed, and sometimes still does, of the monster that was his adoptive mother screaming and begging him to stop as he drives the hunting knife in her chest, multiple times. How her nails dug long, by now healed scars in his arms. For some reason, he can't stop thinking about her last, incredulous words, ''you're hurting me.'' as if she never believed that retribution would come, one day, in the form of her oldest livestock specimen turning against her.

How his adoptive father simply crumpled to the floor as the livestock inched closer to him, step after step, no mercy in his eyes as the man in front of him turned from a cruel abuser to a whimpering mess of a man urinating on himself and begging Wriothesley to spare him. How he asked him why?, as if he didn't knew his crimes.

It's their disbelief and incredulity that left the biggest impact on Wriothesley. Both abusers turned into confused, terrified people begging him to stop and asking him why he was doing this to them- the human mind is truly something amazing, sometimes.

He still dreams about none of his siblings stopping to wave back at him, afraid of this blood-covered demon bleeding from the scratches on his arms and with ice cold, empty eyes staring at them. He knows that he had frightened them- but, some days, it weights on him.

There are bad days, when he'll be brought tea from the kitchen, a thoughtful gentleness from Wolsei- and he'd stir sugar and cream in with a silver spoon, a part of him afraid that it would reveal a poisoned drink under his touch. In the worst days, no matter if the silver doesn't darken and crack, signaling no poison in his tea, he'd pour it down the drain and, instead, choose to make up for his unseen slight by inviting the Fortress cook for an handmade brewed cup of tea, complete with snacks and tea cakes. Wolsei feels blessed, Wriothesley feels less guilty- and all is well.

There are days that not even Sigewinne's improised therapy sessions can help him- but then, he compromises by smiling in front of one of her Desolation Shakes, as he names them, and downs one down without a protest. Despite the taste, it does work and gives him a boost of energy for the day. He's also able to down a Mysterious Meal made by her without batting a lash, as long as she caters to him a bit and puts some roasted potatoes into it. He'll clean the box without a protest then.

Wriothesley hasn't won in life. The price he paid for later ''successes'' in life was not a cheap one by any means, and he had to fight for every single thing of his. He had to fight to survive and access the position that he's in now- he is now considered royalty, a title appointed to him by Neuvillette, who knows of these struggles, and that makes him feel better about it.

Sometimes, he still think that he has to fight- but he learned that this is just a thing about life: to fight is to feel alive.