#i physically need to rewatch this anime at least once a year to maintain my mental stability

[toasted-raccoon]

save me magical girl anime

[dionysus-is-my-dude]

I’m grateful that there is medication for my mental health problems, because I’ve never been so stable as I am right now -although when I get upped on my ADHD meds, watch out ‘cause I’mma be unstoppable. I can’t help but think about my ancestors who dealt with severe mental illnesses and didn’t have the help I do now.

I really just can’t imagine being psychotic and everyone thinking you’re either possessed by the devil or seeing God. Or having PTSD and being triggered by “normal” things and scaring everyone around you. Or having ADHD and struggling with everyday tasks. Or having chronic depression and being completely ostracized -or even doing it to yourself. I feel awful for people who don’t know they’re struggling with a mental illness and think that it’s all their fault that their life is unhappy and unstable.

I’ve been feeling bad today and I tend to do psychology research when I’m feeling out of control of my mental health. I still have unanswered questions about things that I go through, like the “Mom” voice and “Child” voice in my head, my memory problems, my constant and dangerous daydreaming, and my struggle with maintaining even familial relationships. No one talks to me except my mom, dad, and grandma. I have zero friends to hang out with outside of school. I’m just...very, very lonely. And I know that’s a bad thing that can lead to worsening my mental health and even my physical health. I pay for full-body massages because it’s the most human contact I ever get. My family hardly shows physical affection and I feel extremely touch-starved. I haven’t had close friends in years, and even then, they didn’t feel like best friends, more like people I just hung out with because I had no one else. But when I or they move away, they just end all contact with me. None of my friends stay my friends. They all leave me behind. And my family, they’ve never taken the time to get to know the real me, mental illnesses and all. I may TRY to talk about things with my mom, but she always makes me feel like a freak, like she doesn’t understand how I came out so WRONG. I’m her firstborn, her only daughter, and I have more mental and physical health problems than anyone in our family. I know it’s partly due to the fact that she was a smoker -I read that a mother who smokes when she’s pregnant can cause problems for the baby- but I don’t think she understands that it’s been her constant instances of letting me down, of taking her husband’s side over mine every time, of ignoring me and my emotions for my entire life, that really boil down to why I’ve turned out so messed up.

I guess the reason for this post is partly to vent because I have no one else to turn to (except my therapist and I’m waiting to get my new work schedule to make a new appointment) and partly to share my story. I know that mental illnesses are still highly stigmatized, and a lot of people don’t share their experiences for fear of being looked down upon or ostracized by the ones they love. I get that. But it’s important to hear from other people that you’re not alone. So this is me, telling you you’re not alone. Mental illnesses can be crippling and cause lots of struggle and complications, but it’s important to talk with someone about them. Please seek help if you can. You would be amazed at what you can accomplish if you get the help you need, even if it’s just seeing someone to talk to. Medication isn’t for everyone and I accept that. I accept that it works for me, and that natural remedies may be better for someone else. That’s all fine -as long as it’s not actually harming your body. I’m ok with seeking help through your faith. That’s all fine. Whatever makes you feel better that doesn’t harm you or others is all fine in my book.

Ways that I make myself feel better include researching. I LOVE researching, psychology, mythology, love, fitness tips, you name it. I love spending hours reading about something I didn’t previously know about. I’m also now starting to watch what I eat, and I’ve started working out. I’ve gained a ton of weight since I got out of high school, so I really need to lose at least forty pounds. I got a gym membership and a calorie counter and everything. I just got a new job that looks like it’ll be really relaxing, I started rewatching old cartoons that make me feel good, and I’m still somehow able to take care of my plants and animals. I’m in one of those mini-manic moods where I have new goals and I know I’ll probably run out of steam and drop them within a month or so. But I really hope, once I get back into therapy and have my new job underway, I’ll be in a much better mood.

Anyway, long post over. Moral of the story is to share your story. You never know who needs the reassurance that they’re not struggling alone.

[akiyama-san]

I've noticed your comments about Love Live Sunshine and don't get me wrong, we all have our own opinions and I'm not telling you stop posting your negative thoughts about it, but why do you hate Love Live Sunshine so much? And if you hate it that much, why are you even watching it?

I suppose it comes off as hate doesn’t it? Well despite how it appears, it’s not entirely hate, it’s mostly disappointment, and while that might not sound much better i’ll try to explain what I mean, hopefully to a degree that it can be understood. 

Spose I should start at the top shouldn’t I? 

I think it goes without saying that this point that I didn’t like the original show at all, it had its moments, and 2 or 3 good characters, which isn’t saying much I realize but these casts are fucking bloated of course only a handful will be likeable. The concept seemed really fucking stupid from the outset, and it is, but I’ve seen worst, and as a first attempt by SunRise for an Idol show, to my knowledge, the idea to give it an actual plot to follow was in theory a noble one. It failed completely, but the thought was there. More to the point, almost everyone was completely flat, incredibly stupid, and beyond insufferable. 

I’ll be honest, I can put up with a lot, and if I had chosen to watch it of my own volition I’d probably have been more forgiving of the writers dancing on active fault lines, but at the time some years back, I had several people breathing down my neck to watch the fucking show so I went in pissed off. Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t change the fact that these characters say and do things that would make me want to hurt a small child, but I would still have been more kind to it in the long run. 

Then the movie happened, and well.... Lets just say the series needed the fucking soft reboot that was Sunshine after that abysmal travesty of a movie that completely deficated on a third of the casts character development. I’m still trying to work out the quantum fucking mechanics of how Honoka could receive her microphone from her future fucking self BTW. 

I openly admitted this at the time, and this is important because this is often overlooked by the crowd. I said that after the failure of the movie, and knowing that a new series was coming, if SunRise could learn from their mistakes, then I would gladly and open-mindedly go into Sunshine with a positive attitude and be kinder to it if the series was able to escape its charred charcoal burned roots. 

Needless to say I was absolutely blown away by how incredibly Sunshine could be at times, and how baffling disgusting and incompetent it could be as well. I stress that Sunshine is wholly the better property I was able to enjoy more than whole episodes and character arcs completely this time around, as opposed to the original where I enjoyed maybe 10 minutes of its total 700 minute run from episode 1 to movie credits. 

The series had incredible characters to start, those already good characters ACTUALLY GREW INTO EVEN BETTER CHARACTERS, THESE CHARACTERS ACTUALLY GROW AND MATURE AND THAT’S INCREDIBLE. I’ll say openly that the second years are some of the best characters I’ve seen in any anime in the past several years, and I would never hope to take away from that. Better was that we actually had rivals that we could see and understand, that weren’t placed on a pedestal for no discernable reason, one that stood on relatively even ground that could be combatted in real time, force growth and change upon both groups. 

At the same time, while the series had heights and feats that rivaled Everest, it also had lows that would put the Mariana Trench to shame. No, I don’t care what anyone says, I will never get over all the bullshit that happened between Mari and Kanan, and how absolutely disgusting Kanan is, even now, refusing to grow up or stop being a cunt or do anything of value to the group you so claim to love. I’ll be generous and say I was fucking disgusted by SunRise repeating what happened with Honoka and Kotori in the first season here with Mari and Kanan, almost beat for beat. It was terrible the first time, and suicidally bad the second time. 

To regain the focus, by then end of it while my opinions were of the mixed nuts variety with plenty of roasted salt, I still gave it a hearty recommendation because I thought it was genuinely pretty good, blue cuntveats notwithstanding. 

NOW

Where my problem overall with Season 2 lies. If it disappointment and wasted potential were a physical force this series could level mountains. 

From the beginning we’re told that we’re on an incredibly strict time crunch and that we need to focus all our efforts hardcore in the second round. 

Only for almost literally all of the first 6 or 7 episodes to be nothing but filler and padding to waste time, where no growth or progression of any kind took place at all, and such wonderful gems as 

Dia: Please call me Dia-Chan.

Chka: No!

and the omnipresent 

Chika: Teach how to do a backflip

Kanan: Not on your fucking life!

Kanan: Oh shit she learned how to do the backflip... 

Where it all came to a head however was with the reveal of just how many students the school actually had, because that was something that was never brought up. The total number of students is 68 when all are accounted for. And the is beyond miserable. 100 fucking students isn’t enough, to maintain the school you need at least 200, but closer to 300. With 68 students the school should’ve closed fucking years ago. The revelation of that number killed the entire fucking show, it made moot the efforts and development of every single fucking character, because no matter what, even if they had gotten 100 students, this same predicament would still inevitably rear its head once again next year or the year fuckin after. 

I want to make clear, more than anyone else on this site, I have authority to speak on this matter, and no one can refute this, hell I’d barely even listen to them if they did because I severely fucking doubt they ever dealt with this sort of thing, if they did they would totally agree with me.

I have come face to face with a school closure myself. 15 years ago the district announced that my Elementary school would be closing, this school with 700 students that churned out some of the best results in the city might I add. It was a hard and long fought battle, it lasted 3 years, but eventually the parents won that war, and it’s still open now. How did they do that? By actually getting involved, going to meetings, talking directly to superintendents and comptrollers, explaining things like how some of them go to work really early or work late, they can’t send their kids anywhere else because they’d never be able to make it to other schools in the morning on time or pick up on time because of how far away they are, how different schools offer different programs, and not all schools offer the same accommodations for special needs children as this one did, ETC. The point is, the parents got active in the fight, the people that might have been able to affect the outcome did, and while it was no easy task, they did it, they actually fucking one that battle. 

I don’t expect even a fraction of that to occur, but to at the same time tell me that the parents don’t know or care at all, much less any of the other fucking 59 students are powerless to help in any meaningful capacity is an absolute load of horse shit. 

Where it started to bring my blood to a boil, nay to a bursting point, was what happened in the last to episodes with Saint Snow. The best song the franchise ever gave us was Self Control, followed by Shocking Party. This is a fact. From a single interaction some of the most intriguing and likeable characters we got were also Saint Snow. For them to be all but ignored in season 2 until 8 fucking episodes in is ludicrous, but for their first appearance in over 10 episodes to be them failing a concert and us not even getting to hear any of the fucking song, is insulting, it’s infuriating, it’s domestic abuse. This isn’t a slap in the face, this is Studio SunRise forcefully shoving their cock in your mouth against your will and punching you in the eyes with brass knuckles for crying about the cock in your mouth. 

Honest to God, if I wasn’t committed to seeing this through, these last two episodes would be my first set my merchandise on fire moment, and that is saying a lot. It might sound like i’m being overdramatic, but honestly there are a lot of people that agree with me on this matter. 

I did a lot of thinking in writing this post and it took me the better part of an hour to write it. I still hold fast on my thoughts about the original, 2/10 garbage. 

I still hold to my opinions of season 1 Sunshine, 7/10 very good. 

But this season? Well let me put it this way, I score every episode and tally the scores at the end, if season one got a 70 percent

Season 2 probably wouldn’t even reach a combined 20/130 

I will still recommend newcomers to Sunshine season 1 absolutely, but I will also absolutely tell them to pretend season 2 never happened, do not watch it because it will make you commit homicide in the aftermath. 

Why do I hate Sunshine Season 2? 

Because SunRise finds new and exciting ways to fail at absolutely everything on every single level every week. I infamously gave the movie a 1/10, in the long run, I think I would sooner rewatch that movie on loop than ever rewatch this season of Sunshine ever again. 

[opalescentegg]

Some Yuri!!! On Ice things that, upon further reflection, I kind of love (The Ladies™ edition). (As if I’ve had literally any other editions of analysis I’ve written for this show, ever.  Which I haven’t.  Anyway, onwards!!)

This isn’t a long list (it’s barely a list at all), but I wanted to say my piece, so: Edit: The list isn’t long, but my rambling explanation of literally everything is.  Sorry. 1. All of the named, adult women have jobs. In theory, this isn’t at all radical---God knows, every adult woman I’ve ever met has had a job!  However.  I’ve been into and around anime for a good long while now, and I’ve seen employment for adult women not only be the exception to the rule, but a downright rarity.  Part of this is no doubt due to the fact that, like, 98% of anime is set in middle and/or high school, so (Japanese cultural and educational/administrative norms being what they are), teenagers of any gender just aren’t likely to hold jobs. But ask yourself this: when was the last time you saw an anime mom employed---and I mean really employed---as something other than a housewife?   That’s not to say there aren’t outliers (I think of Madoka’s mom from PMMM, or....really, literally any of the adult women from FMA(:B)).  But that’s just what they are: outliers.  And in rather outlier-type shows, to boot, now that I think of it. But for the most part?  When I watch anime, I see adult women as “the wife and/or mother”™, who stays inside The Home™, and makes dinner, and cleans stuff, and looks after the kids.  And that’s it. And that’s not to say that this is a “bad” path for a woman to take in life, because it’s not.  But in anime, once a woman reaches “a certain age,” it’s practically the only fucking thing we see. But not so for Yuri!!! on Ice.   Katsuki Hiroko?  Married, with two kids, co-owner/-manager of and independent hotel, the family business.   Her daughter, Katsuki Mari?  Full-time worker at said business (and, frankly, probably set to inherit it, what with her younger brother’s obsession with figure skating and beautiful Russian men and moving to Russia to do beautiful figure skating with beautiful Russian men); unmarried and childless, seemingly with no one even thinking of pushing to change that---because, guess what, you can be a woman and thirty and not married and not have any kids and still be fucking human. Okukawa Minako?  Pushing fifty, at least.  Unmarried, no kids.  Runs her own fucking ballet studio.  After literally a lifetime of traveling the world and winning at least one highly prestigious award (X,Y, Z) recognizing her craft.  Bonus: Implied that she still gets around plenty---at least, judging from her conversation with Yuuri in Ep. 1 (using him as a way to... “meet” fit young skaters), and her obvious and understandable physical attraction to Chis. Nishigori Yuuko?  Married, with triplets (both of which obviously happened when she was quite young).  And still working at Ice Castle Hasetsu.  I mean, the practicality makes all the sense in the world to me---even a single kid is expensive, but three, and all at the same time???  Still, a part of me can’t help but feel that, in most other anime, that practical consideration wouldn’t even be entertained, and we’d just have Yuuko at home looking after the triplets (and nothing else), while Takeshi brings home the proverbial bacon and she occasionally reminisces about figure skating.   Which, frankly, would be a disservice to her character.  Yuuko may not have gone pro---may not have had the time, or even skill, to do so, if we’re being brutally honest---but it’s clear that skating is still something she cherishes deeply, so I’m unspeakably happy that YOI let her get to stay part of that world, even if it is simply as an employee at a local ice rink. Mila Babichiva and Sara Crispino?  They’re figure skaters.  They are professional athletes.  That is literally their job. Lilia Baranovskaya?  Technically retired from her former position (as the fucking principal dancer of the Motherfucking Bolshoi Ballet!!), but it’s not like "retirement” stops her from becoming a personal trainer/choreographer/life-coach for our dear Yurio. 2.  The Ladies’ body types This is something I didn’t really appreciate, or even realize (like, at all) until I’d done a few rewatches. For the most part, every named adult woman in YOI has a distinct, recognizable body-type.  Which seems like an obvious thing to say.  But.  How many anime have I watched (how many anime has anyone watched), where “body diversity” for lady characters inevitably just boiled down to “whose boobs and/or hips are bigger”? (While still maintaining  a perfectly flat belly and slender model-thighs---y’know, naturally.) But what do we see in just the first episode of YOI?  Four very different women, with four equally different body types. There’s Minako, with her tall and (almost painfully) skinny ballet dancer’s build.  (Which is later echoed in Lilia, which I actually find rather satisfying.  Although more diverse bodies are always needed in dance---and particularly in ballet, which runs the ever-increasing risk of stagnation as the years and social mores change---it is nevertheless an art that tends to craft a certain kind of body, i.e. the tall-and-skinny type of body that both Minako and Lilia have.  Given that they were/are both ballerinas of the highest order, I find this physical resemblance between the two rather refreshing, since it seems to indicate that the people involved with the show’s creation actually knew a thing or two and actually cared about getting such things right.) Then there’s Hiroko, who is short and plump and....frankly very Mom-like in appearance, at least to me.  (Oughtta tell you something about what my family looks like, huh?)  But there’s no hiding the fact that’s she is plump.  Is fat.  She’s had two kids, and works in a hotel that specializes(?) in serving rich food (if nothing else, Yu-topia is famous for its katsudon), and probably had genetics slowing her metabolism (if Yuuri himself is any indication)---and, let’s be honest, it shows.  But---and this is the important part---absolutely nothing about any of this is demonized or made humiliating.  There’s one off-hand comment about it in the first episode, and then that’s it.  From then on, she’s just Katsuki Hiroko, loving mother and wife and generally Incredibly Good and Kind Person Who None of Us Deserve™, who just happens to be fat.  And that’s it *shrugs* Also, Katsuki Mari.  Who is honestly a little hard to pin down, body-type-wise, since we only ever see her in outfits that hide any specific traits (the Yu-topia Inn jinbei, the long coat in Barcelona).  Still, I think it’s a fair assumption to say that she is a more robust figure than Minako, but also more slender than her mother.  In short, an exceptionally average build. Then, Yuuko.  Who, I think, has the most stereotypically “anime” body of any of the adult women characters.  Voluptuous, but flat in the belly and not too fat around the thighs (despite having carried and borne triplets---damn).  As Yuuri says, she’s (still) “very cute” in her mid-20s, which would annoy me more if it weren’t for a) the three aforementioned ladies, and their character designs, that were already introduced beforehand; and, b) the fact that Yuuko’s entire introduction is just one big trolling moment by the showmakers to basically....well, straight-bait the audience.  And it was glorious. (Guess what audience?  Adult ladies and menfolk can actually be just friends!  With no romantic tension!!  And be perfectly happy with it because even though feelings miiiiiiiiight have been confused a bit when they were teenagers eventually they grow out of it and move on and still stay really good friends because life is just mundanely beautiful like that sometimes!!!) Later on in the show, the pattern is somewhat broken by the character designs of Mila and Sara (both of whom are quite anatomically similar) but, honestly, that does’t bother me much---to me, it’s the same sort of thing as with Minako and Lilia: a certain profession tending to craft a certain body type, like how American football players tend to be both tall and heavily muscled, or how basketball players tend to be very tall and relatively lean, to name some examples off the top of my head.  Not necessarily a rule, but certainly the norm.