#i pay like zero attention to actors/hollywood

[simplykorra]

"I just very quickly fell in love with it and after that I just kept working both in film and in cinema, and I always took it with a slight inginuity and because I think that's also a part of my personality and I think it protected me from the scariness of the industry that can put into your head of the pressure and trying to belong and trying to be, I just didn't think of any of that - I just wanted to play dress up and roles and to play with the mind and read and yeah, I think that protected me." - Alba Baptista

[casualfruit]

If I’d checked the ratings before watching Wolverine: Origins, I probably would have skipped it, but I did get a kick out of how stupid it was so I can’t say I regretted it. It was So Aggressively Late 2000s in the best and worst ways.

The performances were so over-the-top campy that they were verging on self-aware parody, except the film was taking itself totally seriously, which made it even more ridiculous—but that’s exactly what I expected. Danny Huston, Hugh Jackman, and Liev Schreiber absolutely DEVOURED their roles and left NOT ONE SINGLE CRUMB. The only disappointment was Lynn Collins’s lackluster performance as Silver Fox, which was made even worse by being in a movie where everyone else was going for full action melodrama. I was also a bit let down by Gambit’s barely-there southern drawl, but he wasn’t in much of the movie so it wasn’t a huge deal. On the bright side, Will.I.Am and Dominic Monaghan were an unexpected delight.

I will say though, aside from the performances, my favorite part was Logan’s body hair. Especially the shot of his dog tags sitting on a bed of chest hair 🥴 I am a faggot with preferences and I demand that Hollywood stop waxing their male actors and just let them be HAIRY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST LET THEM BE HAIRY PLEASE I BEG YOU—

I really liked the scene where Logan is at the old couple’s house and sits on the motorcycle and it sinks down under his weight. The fact that his metal-coated skeleton is Heavy should be used more in movies. Also, the scene where Stryker says “your country (USA) needs you” and Logan responds “I’m Canadian” and drives away was so fucking iconic.

On the other hand…

The CGI was generally alright, but there were some points when it was straight up Bad. Mainly the adamantium claws, but especially the shot at the very end when the kids are running to Prof X. It was so painfully clear that they were being edited in. I don’t know why they couldn’t just have the kids run towards him for real.

I’m still not fully clear on what Zero’s motivation for being such a shithead was. I wasn’t on my phone half-watching, I was genuinely paying attention to the movie. I assume that he harbored some kind of resentment for Logan… but why? Fuck if I know. It’s not like it really mattered.

As disgusting and mean spirited as it was, the fatphobia with Fred Dukes was also very much of its time. I’m glad that it only lasted for one scene, and I am SO glad that it isn’t as prevalent as it used to be.

And Deadpool… oh god. I’d seen references to him in the DP movies and in videos about superhero movies, but I didn’t realize just how bad it truly was. His self-aware and irreverent humor is one of his defining characteristics; sealing his mouth shut turns him into a generic humanoid monster. And the sword arms were so phenomenally stupid I could barely believe what I was looking at. How the fuck could he move his elbows when the blades were fully retracted? Even if his wrists had mobility, the blades should have gone from the bottom of his forearm to like halfway thru his upper arm. The only good thing I have to say about third act DP is that the rest of his design looked kinda cool as generic humanoid monsters go, but honestly the Mannequin Soldiers from FMAB did it better.

The adamantium bullet memory wipe was such a bullshit cop out ending. Logan’s inability to recognize Kayla was supposed to be emotionally impactful, but I felt nothing because I was too busy being pissed off at how stupid the whole thing was. I think I hated this even more than what they did with DP.

All in all, I’d say this movie earned its Rotten Tomatoes score of 38%

[circlemidnight]

what's your opinion on beronica? do you think anything will actually come of it? there's only 6 episodes left and i'm honestly starting to lean towards there not being any real endgames at all😭 there's like a new ship every other week

Probably not since Ras seems to toss characters to the side the moment they are queer so I'm sure he'll turn his focus to Archie kissing Reggie instead.

Like, the question you have to ask yourself is why now? They've had seven years to tell all kinds of romance stories, to write great friendships between characters that become romantic, to make besties who ride or die, to write a single character at all like an actual human with motivations that make sense. But instead they chose spectacle, and even the spectacle they chose was empty, anticlimactic, and inconsequential.

No amount of last minute fan service or dazzling queerbait or sexual montages is ever going to make up for a shocking lack of talent, structure, or professionalism. We all shrug about it being this quirky problematic shitshow, but I expect in the years to come that the truth will come out about how toxic production of this show really was, and it will shine a new light on all the red flags everyone keeps ignoring.

Right now, I think this show is following the lazy trend in hollywood of "fixing the canon" where writers look up criticisms of their product and attempt to rectify it in the last instalment. Paying the fanservice toll is just a farce. Nothing has changed. The show gets called out for its lack of feminism, neglect of friendships, certain actors get called out for their treatment of queer fandom and we get this as a result. I don't think Ras knows a single thing about female friendship or teen girls, I don't think he takes bisexuality seriously either and at points I think he's just being downright biphobic. I think whoever put this idea on the table with sleepovers and musicals to try and cover up his misogyny needs to rethink their career, and I think it's all too little too late to convince me that suddenly they care about telling this story. I expect if they'd had more time Betty would just do to Veronica what she did to Jughead the second Archie changed his mind. I don't think Ras cares about WOC having healthy loving relationships where they receive the respect and attention they deserve. They must always rescue, teach, sacrifice and lose. As for endgames, I guess it's everyone or no one? Like take all the options off the table but mislead everyone into thinking that a wink or a handshake means something more than it does. Honestly I am a little suss that resetting the entire universe back to zero is some ploy for a future reboot or comic continuation or something. Or they'll all get absorbed into an alien entity in the last five minutes.

sorry for ranting anon! ☮️

[thessalian]

Thess vs Strike Action

The entertainment industry really is hoist by its own petard at this point.

Look, for years they’ve been flinging New Hotness after New Hotness after New Hotness at us, expecting us to consume and move on. Thing is, they were flinging New Hotness at us so fast and furious that we didn’t have time to consume everything.

Also ... we’re not like that, for the most part. There’s an awful lot of people who cherish movies and shows, and watch them over and over again, even if it’s just for comforting background noise until the Best Bits happen and you pay attention to those. (Hell, especially then.) Plus given the economy lately, we’ve had to work longer hours, for less money, and a lot more stress, and in those circumstances, some of us need the comfort of the familiar, not something new to fixate on. So we have stuff we’ve lamented not being able to watch, or read, or play.

And now their trying to take horrific advantage of writers and actors (I mean, everyone else too, but writers are getting screwed on residuals and probably facing the same “Everything you do will be fed into the AI and be used to generate content for us forever and we won’t pay you a dime for it” situation as the actors are) has hit the point where the people who actually generate the content are standing up and saying “NO MORE!” Which ... good for them.

Thing is, Hollywood is going to try to flip the script; try to make the writers and actors the bad guys because, “We had sooooooo much lovely content to give you but we can’t unless we take criminal advantage of the people who make it possible so they’re taking all your New Hotness from you!”

And me? Well. I look at my Netflix watch list.

And my Amazon watch list.

And my Steam library.

And frankly my DVD collection.

And I go, “...I ... don’t actually need any new hotness right now; I’m still trying to get through five years of what is now Old Hotness. And honestly, if you wanted me to be invested in New Hotness, you wouldn’t keep cancelling shit before your were forced to pay residuals. So this is on you.”

And then I go back to my book, or game, or whatever I’m doing.

We’re not going to get bored and blame the actors and writers for depriving us. We know shit. We know that “professional actor” is not synonymous with “wealth and fame”. We know how hard writing is, and how little it’s appreciated. We know that CEOs would skin their grandmothers to sell the hide for leather if it made them a profit. Most of all, we know what it is to struggle against people who want to use and abuse us while giving us zero benefits for it. We know that actors have been taken advantage of for decades. Hell, probably centuries, if we’re predating recordings. And writers have been taken advantage of for just as long. So ... we root for the ones we can relate to. That’s not the CEOs.

We are not scabs. And we’ve got enough entertainment forage laid by to get through a strike. CEOs, who live and die by their projected earnings and quoted stock prices, don’t have enough ... well, anything to get by. They’ve been running on thin ice for awhile now. Now they’re being prevented from running and the ice is creaking under their feet.

GOOD.

[criticalbennifer]

Building a New Ben

Sick of Affleck? Our Five-Point Plan to Revive The World's Most Over-Exposed Actor

By: GQ.com

April 11, 2013 2003

Dear Ben Affleck,

So it's been a rough year. Girl problems. Work problems. Goatee problems.

Buck up, ya big poufy-haired lug! It may look hopeless now, but your career hasn't yet plunged into Jared Leto-ville. You're not waiting for a callback for Beethoven's 5th. Hardly anyone calls you "Casey Affleck's big brother." Paycheck? Don't worry—nobody saw it! Gigli? In theaters an hour and a half. And you're not the first fiancé to eat a $1.2 million pink-diamond engagement ring and a $350,000 Bentley. Tell it to David Gest, brother!

But the truth hurts: People are starting to not like you, Ben. You're polling lower than Dennis Kucinich. You're too chatty, too tan, too everywhere. The other night, we found you on Access Hollywood, Entertainment Tonight, E!, MTV, Animal Planet and the Jakarta Cricket Channel. You're so overexposed, you could walk into the White House with Iraqi WMD's under one arm and Osama bin Laden under the other and the public reaction would be: Not another friggin' Ben Affleck story. By the way, the Mars rover says they're sick of you up there, too (and they hated Daredevil).

We're frustrated because we know you have more to offer, Ben. You've done some good films—Chasing Amy, Shakespeare in Love, Changing Lanes... Pearl Harbor (just seeing if you're still paying attention, bro!). You've got that Oscar for Good Will Hunting. You can be shrewd and funny; you made the unwatchable _Project Greenlight _semiwatchable, and your quotes practically stole Peter Biskind's best-selling book, Down and Dirty Pictures: Miramax, Sundance and the Rise of the Independent Film. (At least you didn't kiss Harvey's big ass. And comparing yourself and Matt Damon to Saturday Night Live's Ambiguously Gay Duo—v. rich!) You _can _be likeable and real; you're not one of those capital-A actor types like Russell Crowe, who is probably still droning on somewhere about how he learned the violin for Master and Commander.

So it's time to get the Affleck act together. Before Byron Allen starts calling—and you answer. Before you're phoning Alec Baldwin for advice ("Kid, dump the Tom Clancy movies—they're never gonna make any money!"). Take our instructions, cut them out, stick them to the Sub-Zero in the Ben-chelor pad and read them every day before your private step aerobics-karate-Tai Chi class.

1. Go Away

Get out of Hollywood. Go someplace quiet and uninteresting. No, not the new John Sayles movie. Stay out of cinema, period. Go someplace the paparazzi won't dream of going. No, not Chris O'Donnell's house. Find someplace where you can think. And then, when you think of a reason you made Reindeer Games, keep thinking. Hard.

2. Shut the Hell Up

Kind of goes hand in hand with no. 1, but we want to make sure. Ben, you like to talk more than a bathroom full of I-bankers on a Friday night. So no more jibber-jabbering on Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, Pat O'Brien, _Celebrity Poker Showdown _or Dinner for Twelve, or whatever it's called. In fact, stop talking to Jon Favreau for, like, ever. Most important: STOP TALKING TO DIANE SAWYER.

3. Do A Movie No one Expects

This one is tough. The big-ticket actor making the smart indie film is a cliché these days. We kind of cringe when we think of you playing a developmentally disabled person to get some James Lipton brownie points. At the very least, you should make a movie with—how's this?—a script! No more blockbusters, superheroes or sci-fi for eighteen months.

4. Fix the Look

No more baseball caps, and lose the goatee—we told you that four issues ago. And enough with the synthetic tans. You showed up at the Gigli premiere, looking like an overcooked Oompa-Loompa.

5. Find A Nice Girl

We can't fault you for Jennifer Lopez. Not even Carson Kressley would have said no. But you need to find yourself a woman who won't make you run out to the corner store for a Lamborghini. We have a couple of very nice editorial assistants here who'd be more than happy with a few cranberry vodkas and a ticket to the Shins.

We have some other suggestions, Ben. You might want to get fat. Not too fat—but maybe a little roly-poly, enough to punch and impress the Sunday-afternoon football crowd. You might want to speak with an accent. You might want to wear a cape. Finally, we have seven words for you if all else fails: Good Will Hunting II: Gooder and Huntinger.

Ben, we didn't vote you Actor of Our Generation, and Lord knows you didn't ask for this. But we're stuck with each other for a couple of decades, and we may as well make it work. You seem like a good enough guy, and besides, we don't see anyone else on the horizon. Unless Chris O'Donnell's making a John Sayles movie.

Go get 'em, kid!

Love,

Your friends at The Verge

[awesomefringey]

Hi Sabine- hope you are having a good day. I have a question about PR relationships. I’ve never really been a fully committed fan of anyone before I discovered 1D and Louis and Harry (except maybe in the early 90’s but that was pre-social media so different parameters) so I’ve never paid close enough attention to one person to follow along with them outside of regular mainstream news, and I gave up reading gossip mags about 20yrs ago when I realised they were mostly bullshit.

I’ll preface this with saying that I absolutely don’t believe Harry is in a relationship with Olivia. My question is surrounding the purpose of some of the ‘sightings’. I get the pap walks and the attendance at high media profile events like Coachella etc. as these make their way into the GP’s realm and assist with PR for both of them (and reinforce Harry’s closet) . I don’t understand the objective behind the side stage/ backstage presence and other more obscure sightings such as these? This seems like something only fans would pay attention to (sometimes the photos only come from fans in the crowd) and I don’t believe the PR is there to convince fans of anything as I don’t think either side of this fandom supports her.

Is this extra ‘togetherness’ outside of the organised for Media outlets pap stuff a normal aspect of a PR relationship? Usually I’m quite good as seeing the rationale behind general things we are shown in different aspects of the media etc. but I don’t see what purpose this serves- am I just being thick?

Hi nonnie, thank you for reaching out because I could ramble about this forever. But I think your guess would be as good as mine since we both share similar experiences around fandoms and observing PR strategies.

This is going to be long, so my apologies in advance. 💜

I think Holivia has huge issues with credibility and image. In the general public they’re far from the iconic Bennifer-fication. They are called a “strange couple” and depending on the POV people wonder why Harry is with her or the other way around.

It must be a great disappointment that even Harry's het fanbase doesn't buy into it and rejects Olivia. I think younger fans can’t identify with her because she’s so much older and Harry’s fans closer to her age are furious about her behavior while dragging her kids into it all and making a show of custody battles like it’s some trashy reality tv. (It’s not helping either that she’s got a long history of treating people poorly.) This all manifests itself in very weak Holivia UAs with like 8k followers at best, of which many only lurk to rant over what they see if we’re being honest.

My impression is that Full Stop planned to market Holivia as this woke ageism-breaking ‘newly single mum succeeding in Hollywood in a male dominated field proving 40 with kids is not the end for romance or beauty or indefinite freedom’ dating this ‘gender bending rockstar aspiring actor who sells nail polish and wears dresses and waves his ally-LGBTQ flags every night but is so so very straight and therefore an icon who ends toxic masculinity’ where brand endorsement deals can be used in double with access to two different target groups/demographics. Harry and Olivia both wear éliou pearl necklaces, Bode, Gucci, Vans, Pleasing, Harry merch. Even better when one wears what seemingly belongs to the other. So outrageous. 🙄

But what happened instead is that people only saw an odd couple with zero chemistry that got together under questionable circumstances (they were still filming DWD due to the delay from closing the set) with Harry as Olivia's subordinate, when she had JUST separated (or had she?), and Harry had only been booked for his second role… And all of it in the wake of Times Up and Me Too as if THIS were the New Hollywood... To me it was the dirtiest kick off for a Pro-mance I could have ever imagined. I hate that Harry is involved in this shit.

Maybe many don’t see it like I do, but to me who takes great pride in feminist values and has worked hard in my profession to overcome the “cute and pretty label” to be taken seriously and now being a team lead in a male dominated field myself, it triggers me to no end. A female in a position of power should never abuse it and call it feminist. Olivia Wilde doesn't bring change when she stands for the same toxic values and creates unsafe work environments that have existed all along.

Why am I pointing it out? Because that part, the beginning of it all is something they still try to make up for. The longer this lasts, the less it looks like a reckless work hook up and more like a super serious love story that needed to happen under any circumstances.

Coming back to your actual question and taking into account what I said above - Olivia hasn’t been offered any deals at all so far.

I'm not aware Olivia is in talks for any scripts to be directed by her. The documentary she planned to do was cancelled? It looks like promoting DWD is the only thing left on her agenda. She has a lot of time on her hands and she attempts to use it.

Their ‘organic sightings’ are being used for articles is the thing. Those fan pics of Harry bathing in Dublin were all over the tabloids. Random ‘Olivia at Coachella’ fan videos were used as well. Harry meeting a fan in South England made it into the press. Harry playing golf didn’t.

So pics from the back of Harry unenthusiastically holding Olivia’s hand in Dublin didn’t end up in the tabloids. So Harry kicked it up a notch and went for a swim in Dublin instead. LOL. I really believe that’s the part that’s unpredictable for their teams. They “offer” Holivia content here and there, walking and walking and walking, but what will be newsworthy is up to the tabloids. It’s an unreliable yet very cheap way of creating buzz and promotion. And Olivia looooves the attention and I’m sure she gets off on the idea that people envy her that she gets to be so close to Harry...

[wearevillaneve]

Some people think s4 will be the last season of KE and I don’t think so. The creator of my other favorite show, when his show was renewed for a sixth season, he decided to end the show & sent an announcement via social media saying that the show was renewed for a sixth & final season. KE would have already announced s4 being the last season when they announced its renewal. I think s5 will be the last season. I want sandra to work on a project where her character is respected & properly developed

There’s two points here and I’ll get to your first one first.  Nothing has been publicly stated by the stars or producers whether or not the next season of Killing Eve will be the last one.  There are and were reasons to think it might. In the U.S. the third season debuted to solid, if not spectacular ratings.   There’s no danger to the show being canceled by BBC America and AMC as it is both a critical darling (though not so much in S3), and has taken up residence as an award magnet for the BAFTA’s, Emmys, Golden Globes among others.   Don’t believe for a minute that these networks don’t enjoy showing off trophies in their offices.  What hasn’t received much attention from the KE fandom is the departure of Sarah Barnett as president of the AMC Networks.  Barnett, a British expatriate, has been with AMC since 2008 and was a champion of Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s gender bending subversive little take on the tired spy vs. assassin trope.   With filming for Season 4 indefinitely delayed due to the global pandemic and Barnett gone, will the new president of AMC be the same champion for Killing Eve that Barnett was?   We don’t know what goes on behind the curtain at AMC, but the longer the shooting schedule is up in the air, the greater the pressure is going to be to fill that 9:00 pm time slot with something.  Killing Eve’s European locations makes it more authentic, but also more expensive than Unnamed Show X that shoots in the U.S. or Canada and all the talent in front and behind the camera is homegrown.  

(Sarah Barnett and Sandra Oh in 2018/ photo credit:  Getty Images for BAFTA LA )

Do not think for one second there are not other producers of other shows waiting for Killing Eve to delay its 2021 return  so they can grab that sweet prime time spot.  Should Unnamed Show X be a ratings and critical juggernaut KE was in 2018, do not be shocked if when Season 4 does finally drop, it ends up in a different time slot, or worse, an entirely different day than it’s previously occupied.   Most KE fans wouldn’t know Barnett if they bumped into her on the street, but being where she was and doing the job she did meant a lot when it came to getting behind a TV show shot in Europe produced by a showrunner who never had done the job before and starring an Asian lead who had never held that spot previously and and a talented young Scouser who had established herself in England, but was a total unknown in Hollywood.

Barnett might never have been the most powerful television executive in Hollywood, but that was never her game. Her programming philosophy was always about risk, discovery, and resisting the obvious. It’s the kind of philosophy that flourished during the Golden Age of TV, and it’s now out of fashion. Scale is everything, data is king, and the streaming wars must be fought at all costs. Where Barnett goes next is a mystery, but her tenure at AMC will fondly be remembered as we reminisce a now bygone era of television.

There’s always competition for a prime-time slot, so you might have to ask yourself it you would be in your feelings should  Killing Eve 2021 aired at 9:00 pm on Wednesday and not Sunday?    It never hurts to have a powerful ally in the suites, and KE has lost one.   I tend to agree with you that it will get a fifth (and hopefully final) season.   To repeat myself, I hold firm to my belief  most TV shows hit their peak at five seasons.   After that, contracts expire, actors move on, and the churn of talent exiting behind the scenes begins to show up on-screen. 

Let’s look at this way:  do you really want to watch Killing Eve when it reaches’ 22nd seasons like Law and Order: SUV?

To your second point, I too want to see Sandra Oh move on to other projects beyond playing a bisexual mouse chasing a bisexual cat.  Not that she’s bad at it, but Oh’s talents were squandered in S3.   Killing Eve would be better cutting the cord than seeing its lead actress treated as an accessory to the co-lead a second time. 

The pandemic has reset the clock for nearly every form of entertainment and with it the best laid plans of Jodie Comer and Sandra Oh’s agents.  Clearly, Comer is aching to respond to Hollywood’s calls.   She won’t continue to blow off opportunities like Death On the Nile and a chance to raise her profile to an international audience for eight episodes of a TV show that eats up months of her time.    She’s going to have to eventually choose her exit strategy should KE go beyond a fourth season.

She hasn’t asked for my advice and she’s got well-compensated pros she can do it far better, but should J.C. drop me an anonymous question, my answer would hinge upon when her KE contract expires.  If it ends after Season 4, then demand a hefty pay raise (especially should she score a second Emmy) and then head for the exit  as soon as Season 5 wraps.  

This is business. Not personal, and there’s zero chance Comer is at all interested in playing Villanelle for a decade.   Her future is too bright to be limited to simply playing a fashionable assassin for too long. 

Oh’s career opportunities diverge from Comer’s and there aren’t a lot of feature films in the future for a 49-year-old Korean Canadian actress.   I know it, you know it and you best believe she knows it better than we do.

Beyond The Chair, her Netflix comedy produced by Amanda Peet, there’s nothing else upcoming on her schedule besides voice overs in two animated projects.   Despite her equivalent skills, due to her ethnicity and age, Oh will never receive the same opportunities as Comer.   That’s not a complaint.  This is an indisputable truth.  

Oh will never stop working in TV and films as long as she is willing to take parts as the best buddy to the White lead, as Season 3 of KE reduced her to, but she isn’t going to pivot toward directing or writing.   Sandra Oh is an actress.   It’s really that simple and she is respected as a damn good one as her 12th Emmy award nomination and third consecutive for perfectly playing the hot-ass mess than is Eve Polastri.

I share with you the hope that Oh will find roles in a post-Killing Eve world that honors and validates her incredible acting chops.    “Hope” is a vague word and more than likely Oh will find her career arc is similar to than of one of her contemporaries and one of my queens, Viola Davis when she said, “The only thing that separates women of color from anyone else is an opportunity.”

Oh and Comer have vastly different opportunities.  

The post-Killing Eve path for Comer is far clearly defined and brightly lit because the world reacts in radically different ways to a 27-year-old White woman than a 49-year-old Asian woman, and anyone who wants to claim otherwise can kindly fuck all the way off because you don’t know what you’re talking about and I got nothing for you but scorn and contempt. 

The pie is not cut in equal slices for Actresses of Color.  Never has been, and there’s little reason to believe that will change in any of ours lifetime. Women of Color in the entertainment industry are still fighting battles thought long won decades ago.  

Yet here we are.  Knowing the playing field ain’t close to being level and not particularly giving a shit as long as our needs are being met. 

Sorry for going so long, Anonymous.   You caught me stuck in a moment I wasn’t quite ready to get out of.   U2 fans will get the reference and everybody else will have to use their Google-Fu.     

[emeraldsiren19]

Open letter to Star Wars fandom post-Tros

The insanity of the SW fandom has truly peaked. And people wonder why outsiders don't touch them with a fifty foot pole. 

There are not enough expletives (btw 'kriff' doesn't exist in the GFFA but that's a topic for another day) in the English language for the disgrace, mockery, idiocy and so on that has permeated what could be an otherwise great fandom. I have been a SW fan my whole life and will continue to be forever, but there are hills I will die on.

All of this "JJ ruined SW forever and Terrio is a saint, etc!?!" bullshit combined with "oh don't pick on poor Daisy..no one told her anything about her character" makes the folks who regurgitate the drivel appear to have their hostility set in the wrong place. No one can possibly believe what they are preaching to be fact.

Everything is clearly mapped out as it happened and nothing is cryptic. It would smash you into the pavement like a bus for how blatant it is. Obviously people believe what they want but presenting lies as law does no one any favors.

JJ.didn't.write.shit. Repeat it out loud as many times as necessary. Everyone and their dog in Hollywood knows that. How he and Terrio are not blacklisted for their extensive career bombs when anyone else wouldn't get away with it remains a mystery. Everyone knows he stole writing credit from lots of people. That's just from SW without the rest of his 'filmography'. Don't ever him credit for being *anything* other than having sand for brains. If you think he's the fucking mastermind behind anything, he's got you exactly where he wants you, wrapped around his finger. That's how hacks operate. He is responsible for the shit editing job of TROS where the editing crew was threatened with their jobs if it was not done in a certain way under a certain unrealistic time crunch. That is why TROS was so choppy and nonsensical, not taking into consideration Terrio's very explicit hate for anything in the franchise not related to Luke or Rey. He is responsible for forcing Adam Driver to do ADR dialogue in his own fucking closet out of sheer vindication. 

There is hypocrisy and disrespect to levels that it's impossible to recover from. DLF went out of its way, above and beyond even, with gaslighting and erasure to destroy the entire franchise in one film. In December, people said they were done with SW because DLF had crushed them and they would never recover but they would still love it.

Funny how that took a spin in the opposite direction since people hate it with a white hot passion. Only SW fandom would choose to not abandon something they hate in favor of unhealthy hatred.  'Fans' directing their anger toward boycotting the entire franchise instead of ignoring the bad film as any other franchise does. It is done with such vocal energy that it has become the popular vote and anyone who doesn't agree with the hate is an outcast. Essentially becoming the angry antis that they claim to hate in the same breath.

And don't even start on the utter bullshit of Rey's parentage. The latest conspiracy theory, advocated by DR herself, would have you believe that she has equal sand for brains and doesn't know shit about her own character, and that Rey Nobody of Jakku was nothing more than Resistance propaganda and never existed. That TFA and TLJ are figments of our imagination and the highly respected Rian Johnson is not only a slave driver but a hack who knows nothing. He knows a hell of a lot more than Terrio and JJ combined. If you seriously believe that Daisy knows nothing about her own character when every other actor knows more than the writers, you're equally conned. Daisy didn't pay attention or didn't care because that meant working, which she bitched about she shouldn't have to do. Like JB, she wants to be seen as the poor abused victim. 

When TFA and TLJ were at the forefront, no one had any issues whatsoever with Rey of Jakku being related to no one. Rian even said as much. But he and George Lucas who created the franchise know nothing. Neither does Lawrence Kasdan and his cowriter Michael Arndt. Lucas explicitly said during PT filming that Palpatine had no offspring, and people who aren't even involved in the fandom know that the Dark Side tells you anything you want to hear. Why the bloody fuck anyone with functioning braincells would take anything that TROS claims to be true as gospel fact "because it's onscreen which makes it true". 

It fucking cancelled 9 previous films and people choose to accept with open arms the same literal pile of shit they said destroyed them over the 9 films that have almost no flaws by comparison. Cancel out any love, family, fairytales, hope, because a shit for brains writer (Terrio) chose to annihilate them to become the tale of St Luke and the Virgin Rey. 

Why? What is the logic or purpose behind the Stockholm Syndrome which DLF initiated that TROS is Gospel Law, everything else is heresy and Rey Nobody never existed? 

I can tell you right now without any doubt that Carrie Fisher and Peter Mayhew are both rolling in their graves at the utter hurricane of disrespect and mockery that has swept over the franchise. George Lucas is likely regretting his choice to sell LF to Disney after the atrocity of TROS. Why are people giving the antis/fanboys whom they claim to abhor as much power as they have? 

That's not even touching any widely publicized offscreen drama involving the actors. Adam made the wise decision to cut all ties. DR and Reylos were harassed by JB. They probably don't recall boycotting him as a result. Kelly Tran was harassed by fanboys and thrown under the bus by JB and JJ. In addition, neither JB nor DR can find work after their stunts (she trashed Adam and Rian at a full cast press conference for making her actually work during TLJ). Now he's hoping people will conveniently forget what an ass he was to everyone. Interesting how Adam, Kelly, and the rest of the cast are having zero issues finding work. 

In a nutshell, Rey may not be my favorite character by a long shot. Kylo deserved better. The Force thought they belonged together. But NO ONE (actor or character) deserved the fucking lazy bullshit copout story that was given to them by hack 'writer' Terrio and 'I can't finish any story' director JJ. Carrie was a script doctor and would have beaten the shit out of Terrio. The extent of her revenge on JJ would be haunting him but he isn't even worth that much effort. 

People have forgotten that or they don't care anymore. At which point move on. But that doesn't give someone license to trash an entire fandom with blatant lies out of spite as retribution. Don't create conspiracy theories that experts (the writers of TFA/TLJ and actors) have explicitly said are the opposite. 

[ladyreapermc]

Catching Feelings 2/? (Keanu x OFC)

Summary: AU in which Keanu is down on his luck after he comes to Hollywood trying to be an actor. To earn some money, he joins this app for escorts and meets Steph, a rising star who hires him to try to forget her ex. Neither of them are expecting to fall in love and all the problems it brings.

Previous chapters: 1

Author’s notes: Thanks everyone for the comments on the first part. I’m glad you liked. Here’s the second chapter.

Wordcount: 4115

Warnings: prostitution and smut (D/S undertones).

“How was it?” Were the first words Keanu heard when he stepped into the apartment he shared with his friend Scott.

Well calling that place an apartment was actually being charitable since it was basically a tiny little studio in a building that was falling apart in one of the seediest areas of Los Angeles. But it was a roof over his head and all Keanu could afford so there was no point in complaining.

“It was…” he trailed off, setting his helmet and jacket by the door and dropping on the ratty couch beside Scott. It was really all he could say about what happened the night before.

When Keanu sighed up for Mars and Venus, he wasn’t expecting it to be quite like this. Selling his body – and no matter how many times Scott told him that he didn’t really have to have sex with his clients, that was how Keanu saw it – just made him feel dirty, but he was completely broke and there weren’t too many places willing to hire a high school dropout whose only real skills were riding motorcycles, playing bass and acting.

Scratch that. Apparently, he couldn’t even act, because that had been the reason why he came to Los Angeles in the first place. He had done fairly well back in Toronto, appearing in a couple of TV specials and movies. It wasn’t much, but it got him an offer to be in a Disney movie, which to a 21-year-old guy with big dreams had sounded like an amazing offer.

So, Keanu cleared his savings, packed his stuff and moved to Los Angeles expecting to take on Hollywood. When he arrived, he found out the movie deal fell through and he was left with nothing. Fast forward six years and Keanu was still down on his luck. He gave up on acting altogether and just tried to get by, taking any jobs he managed to find. That was how Keanu met Robert and Brett and Dogstar happened.

It was currently one of the high points of his life. They were still on that phase of begging bars and clubs to let them play and barely making anything out of it, but they were good. Maybe they could make it. Keanu just had to hang on for a while longer.

Hence the whole Mars and Venus thing. Scott told him how much he would make in a date and Keanu was shocked. Sure, a subscription was expensive, but if he really could make at least 2k a date, Keanu should able to pay his bills, move into a better apartment, maybe even get a proper place for the band to rehearse and work on their music, maybe even record a demo…

Scott said it was pretty easy. Most of his clients were middle-aged women that just wanted something pretty on her arm to show off to her friends. Or a companion for the night. It was completely up to Keanu if it would turn into sex or not. So, Keanu signed up even if it still made him feel cheap. Not long after that, he got an invitation.

He had been so nervous when he got to her house. The last thing Keanu expected was to meet actress Stephanie Walker, who looked as awkward as he was. He certainly didn’t expect the night to go quite like that. It was fun and light and wonderful, and the sex had been mind-blowing.

In the morning, however, Keanu woke up to the sound of his phone. It was confirmation of payment. His bank account, which only had 2 dollars for the last two weeks had a few more zeros in it.

The sight of it made him Keanu feel ashamed because he really enjoyed Steph’s company. He liked her. It felt almost like a first date, but reality finally sunk in. It wasn't a date and Keanu just became the kind person that slept with people for money.

He sneaked out of her house while Steph was still asleep, embarrassed, disgusted and confused. Keanu expected the ride back would help clear his head, but he was still feeling the same way as he got home.

“Did you charge extra for staying over?” Scott asked, and Keanu’s only reply was a headshake. “Rookie mistake. Always charge extra for spending the night,” Scott instructed. “How much did you make?”

Keanu just handed him his phone, moving to the kitchen to get himself something to eat even if his stomach felt queasy.

“Not bad.” his friend whistled. “Now, here’s what you gonna do: get some of this money and buy yourself a suit. Nothing off the rack either. Something good, that fits you well. You never know when they’ll want to take you to a gala.”

“No, man. I’m done with this,” Keanu replied. “With this money, I can get things going and maybe…” he trailed off with a hopeful sigh.

“Suit yourself.” Scott had a doubtful look on his face but just shrugged, disappearing into his room without another word.

Keanu really thought he was done with Mars and Venus. He stayed away for two weeks, but between paying for the studio so Dogstar could finally record a demo and some idiot backing into his bike and messing up his exhaust, the money he made from his date with Steph was over too quickly. Everything was so damn expensive in LA.

So, he reinstalled the app discovering he had missed several invitations while he was offline. With a knot in his chest, he upped his price from 2k to 3k and waited. Soon enough Keanu had new invitations.

Another week passed before Keanu got another invitation from Steph. He thought he would never hear from her again because she shouldn’t need to pay for company or sex; but there it was, her name flashing on his screen during rehearsal.

Keanu knew he shouldn’t. He had been thinking about her no-stop for the last few weeks, watching her movies like a lovesick boy with a crush. He should stay very far away from Steph.

“Hey Ke! Are you gonna do this or not?” Brett called with an expectant look.

“Yeah. Just a sec,” he replied distractedly as he accepted her invitation.

---

This time, when Keanu arrived in front of Steph’s house and rang the intercom, she immediately had the garage gate open so he could bring his motorcycle inside, which he appreciated. His Norton was his most prized possession along with his bass. And Keanu couldn’t afford to lose it.

He parked it next to her car once again and took off his helmet to look at her, trying to ignore the fluttering on his chest. She had cut her hair. When they first met, her chestnut locks fell to her back, now it hung above her shoulders and it really suited her. It drew even more attention to her big brown eyes, which looked full of hesitation.

“Hi,” he said, getting off his bike and her lips quirked into a small smile.

“Hi. Thanks for coming.”

Once again they stood awkwardly in front of one other, not knowing what to say or do. Keanu cleared his throat and buried his hands in his jacket pockets.

“I didn’t expect to hear from you again,” he admitted, gaze on his boots.

“Yeah… I just…” Steph trailed off with a sigh and Keanu noticed her eyes were reddish and a little puffy like she had been crying.

“One of those days?” Keanu offered, curious but not wanting to pry and she just nodded, leading the way inside.

Right away he noticed the house looked different, the biggest change had been all the photos of Steph and her ex-boyfriend had disappeared from the walls, as well as some of the framed movie posters she had. By the door, he could see a box full of stuff with her name written on the side.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out she probably went through that difficult moment of returning her ex’s stuff and getting her own back. No wonder she had a bad day.

“You like Chinese?” she asked, taking his jacket. “I was gonna order in.”

“Yeah. Love Chinese,” Keanu assured, taking a seat on the couch as she placed the order. After that, she sat down as well and a strange silence hung over them, tense and awkward and Keanu raked his brain for something to say.

“How about we watch something?” Steph suggested and he could hear in her voice she felt just as weird as he did.

“Sure.”

She grabbed the remote, flipping through channels until she froze as a picture of her ex-boyfriend was splashed over the screen.

Action movie hero Kevin Miller is seen again with Victoria’s Secret’s model Gisele Anderson. The couple was spotted leaving one of the most exclusive clubs in LA. It was only a little over a month ago that Miller was dating the Hollywood rising star, Stephanie Walker…

Keanu gently took the remote from her hands and changed the channel. He glanced over at her, noticing her eyes welling up.

“How about some Netflix instead?” he offered, and Steph nodded as he turned on the streaming service and browsed through her selection.

“Wow! You really like procedural dramas and cop thrillers, huh?” Keanu teased trying to nudge her out of her funk. She only gave him a watery smile and a shrug.

“I like to try to figure out who did it.”

“Yeah? Let’s see how good you are,” he said, picking a random movie and pressing play. Steph just snorted, but they settled more comfortably on the couch side by side, their arms brushing every time one of them moved.

As the movie progressed Keanu felt both himself and Steph finally relaxing, the conversation flowing a little easier as they joked and argued about the movie. When their takeout arrived, they spread Steph’s order on the coffee table.

“Did you order for two or twelve?” he teased, looking over the amount of food in front of him and Steph chuckled and shrugged.

“I like to have options,” she said, pilling her plate with a little bit of everything.

Keanu did not expect such a tiny thing like Steph to be able to eat that much; and making the most indecent sounds too.

“Stop looking at me like that!” she said over a mouthful, her eyes crinkling with her amusement. “I spent four months off carbs. I’m making up for the lost time.”

“I can see that. Do you want me to give you the room or something?” he asked with a playful grin. “Because it almost sounds like you’re making love with that noodle!”

Steph snorted a laugh, cheeks turning pink and Keanu grinned. She had a very nice laugh and the most perfect smile. Kevin Miller was a complete idiot for letting her go.

“I don’t sound like that at all,” she replied, sticking her tongue out at him.

“You’re right. It’s much throatier,” Keanu said, sipping his beer and smirking as the flush on her cheeks turned brighter. “And bossy.”

“I’m not bossy!” Steph argued, sounding a little embarrassed. “I just know what I like, and I try to make sure my partner knows too.” She narrowed her eyes at him, her own lips drawing onto a smirk. “If memory serves, you were very much into it.”

“I was,” Keanu said, meeting her gaze. “Still am.”

This time the tension that lingered between them wasn’t awkward, just heavy as they sneaked glances at each other throughout the rest of dinner and movie. Keanu wanted to move closer and touch her; have Steph in her arms, but there was a little voice in his head reminding him that this wasn’t real. She didn’t even know his name.

“Is everything ok?” she asked, and Keanu looked over to see she had a frown of worry. Maybe something had shown on his face.

“Yeah. Just fine,” he lied, combing his fingers through his hair and looking away. “What do you want to do now?”

Steph paused for a moment and Keanu could see she was searching for something to say. He hoped she wanted him to stay.

“I guess we should call it a night,” she said at last and he sighed, schooling his features so his disappointment wouldn’t be too obvious. Keanu put on his jacket and followed Steph to the garage. The awkward silence of unspoken words heaving on them.

“It’s a beautiful bike,” she commented, running her hand over the tank.

“Do you know anything about motorcycles?” he asked perking up at her interest.

“I just know they look awesome.”

“Do you wanna take a ride?” Keanu offered. It was a way to prolong this and for once he had his spare helmet with him.

“Let me grab a jacket and shoes,” she replied, smiling brightly and Keanu felt his heart speeding in his chest. That was all he wanted.

When Steph came back Keanu could see the excited glint in her eyes as he helped her put on the helmet, adjusting the strap under her chin before she climbed behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he could smell her perfume surrounding him as he started the bike and took off.

Keanu didn’t want to scare her, so he kept it under the speed limit as he rode the roads of Hollywood Hills, but as he noticed her delighted laugh every time he took a sharp turn, he dared to put a little more speed, her hands tightening around his waist.

“That was amazing!” Steph exclaimed as they stopped at the shoulder of the road where tourists usually parked to take pictures, but at that time of the night it was completely dark and deserted; the only light sources were the stars and his bike.

She stood there, hair messy from the helmet, cheeks flushed from the ride, with a wide grin watching the city lights in the valley below and Keanu’s breath caught in his throat. Even though he loved to watch that view, all he could do was stare at her.

“Thank you, Charles,” she said, looking up at him.

“Keanu,” he blurted out before he could stop himself.

“What?” she asked with a cute little frown of confusion.

“It’s my name. My real name.”

“Oh,” she paused for a moment before her expression shifted into a smile. “Then thank you, Keanu.”

---

“Where did Charles come from?” Steph asked as they sat across each other in a diner she claimed had the best milkshake in Los Angeles.

“It’s actually my middle name.”

“Keanu Charles,” she said almost as if trying it out. “Sounds good. I don’t think I ever heard that name before. Keanu.”

“It’s Hawaiian,” he explained, swirling his chocolate milkshake. “Means cool breeze over the mountains.”

“That’s really nice,” she smiled around her straw and he had to look away so he wouldn’t think about how her lips had looked wrapped around his cock. “How did you end up with a Hawaiian name?”

Keanu took a deep breath, pushing his drink aside as he launched himself into the story about his father and the rest of the family; how he came to LA and ended doing what he was doing. He didn’t share that with many people, but he wanted to share it with her.

In turn, Steph spoke a little about her own family; how she always showed a talent for dancing and acting from a young age and her mom pushed her into doing all the auditions. She told him how she quitted at thirteen because she wanted to have a normal life. She didn’t come back to it until after college, where she discovered she did really love to perform, but on her own terms.

Once again it felt just like a perfect date and when they finished their shakes, which Keanu made sure to pay for, he brought her back home walking Steph to her door.

“I really enjoyed tonight,” she said with a soft smile as they paused outside.

“Me too.” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek before he bent down to kiss her. She tasted like strawberries and it was the best thing in the world.

Steph wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer until their bodies were pressed together as they explored each other’s mouths. Their first time had been all about frantic need. Their kisses were hard and bruising. This time, even if the same hunger and heat lingered, there was a softness to it. Almost affection.

“Do you want to come in?” she asked against his lips. Keanu grinned and nodded, letting go of her only long enough for Steph turn around in his arms. He kept peppering kisses over her neck as she giggled and struggled against the lock.

They were back in each other’s arms as soon as they were inside, kissing and touching and peeling their clothes off on the way to the living room. Keanu paused for a moment to look at her, drinking the sight of her beautiful body and he didn’t think he ever wanted anyone as much as he wanted her.

He took a step towards Steph, but she stopped him with a hand on his chest. Keanu met her gaze in confusion, finding in her eyes a heated look that made his cock throb.

The hand on his chest trailed up almost teasingly until it buried in his hair and she took a handful of it, her grip firm with just a little edge of rough that made him hiss and goosebumps of anticipation rise on his skin.

“Kneel,” she ordered, using her hold on him to push him down and Keanu obeyed, looking up at her through his lashes as Steph smirked. “You look good like this, on your knees for me.”

She rested against the couch’s arm and spread her knees. Keanu almost whimpered as he saw her soaked cunt glistening in the low light of the room. He licked his lips and met Steph’s eyes again.

“You wanna taste me?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, his voice shaky with need. He was so hard it almost hurt. “Please.”

Her expression turned into a gorgeous sly smirk as she tugged on his hair, bringing him closer until his mouth could reach her and Keanu ran the flat of his tongue over her slit, making Steph moan.

“You don’t come until I do,” she said, rolling her hips against his mouth. “And no fingers this time.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he mumbled against her.

There was a certain thrill of letting her command him like this, tell him exactly what to do and how. It made him hot with want and eager to please her. Make sure Steph was satisfied. He explored her cunt with his tongue and lips, paying attention to every spot that made her breath hitch or dragged a moan out of her.

He sucked on her clit with just the lightest scrape of teeth and Steph rocked her hips and pulled him even closer, grinding against his face. Keanu was having a hard time breathing and his jaw was starting to ache, but he could see the way her thighs were quaking and hear how she was panting; how her hands kept tightening against his scalp. Knowing he could make her feel this good was urging Keanu on, stroking his own desire as he flicked the tip of his tongue against her clit again and Steph groaned.

“Yes! Just like that. I’m so close,” she panted and he kept his rhythm steady, digging his nails on his thighs to keep himself from touching, his dick aching and leaking in need.

Soon he felt the way her entire body tensed, her thighs pressing against the side of his head as she came crying out his name. Keanu lapped hungrily at her juices, he could get addicted to her taste. He only stopped when Steph tugged on his hair again, pulling him away from her.

Keanu looked up, noticing her flushed face, sweat making her hair stick to her cheeks, a lazy, pleased smile tucked on her lips. She looked even more beautiful like this.

“Good?” he asked with a lopsided grin.

“Fucking perfect,” she said, bringing him closer until he was on his feet again and towering over her. “Deserves a reward.” Steph caught his lip into a dirty kiss that almost felt like she was chasing her own taste in his mouth.

At the first touch of her hand on his cock, Keanu moaned hips thrusting forward at their own accord desperate for more but Steph kept her motions slow and gentle, running her thumb over the head spreading the precum over his length.

“Steph, please…” he gasped, feeling her smirk against his mouth.

“Please what?” she asked, pulling back to look at him.

“Let me fuck you,” Keanu wasn’t ashamed to admit he was begging. He just needed to be inside her and he didn’t care what he had to do to get that. “Please, ma’am.”

“Good boy,” she grinned at him, pressing a quick on his lips. “Condom.”

Keanu moved away long enough to find his discarded jacket, reach for his wallet and grab the condom he kept it there. His hands shook as he rolled it on himself and moved back to Steph, waiting for her next command.

She gestured him to come closer, stand between her legs and Keanu obeyed, stroking himself to get some relief. Steph fixed her perch on the arm of the couch, making sure she had enough balance before she hooked her legs around his hips and pulled Keanu closer wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

They both moaned when his cock glided over her slit. Keanu squeezed his eyes shut, resting his forehead against hers, his fingers digging on her hips in the effort of not thrusting into her, not until she said so.

“God, you’re desperate for me, aren’t you?” Steph caressed the side of his face gently.  

“Yeah,” he gasped, his breath mingling with hers. “May I?”

“Yes,” she said, her hand stroking him again, before lining him to her entrance. “Slow.”

Keanu nodded and forced himself to slowly thrust into the delicious tight, wet heat. He knew Steph was doing this to drive both of them crazy and Keanu was close to losing it. Pleasure coursed through his body, making his mind dizzy with want.

Finally, he was all the way in and Steph shifted a bit for a better position sending sparks of pleasure through Keanu, making his hips snap up to meet her and she grinned at him.

“I love how full you make me feel,” she said, meeting his lips for a soft kiss. “Come on, baby. Fuck me.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Keanu hiked her legs up to his waist and pulled back, almost all the way out before slamming back in, groaning as the movement made heat build on the pit of his stomach, her walls throbbing and fluttering around him.

Steph held onto his shoulders, letting him do all the work since she didn’t really have much leverage to meet his thrusts. Little cries of pleasure spilled from her lips as she leaned her head back, exposing the beautiful column of her neck and Keanu kissed and nipped gently, careful not to mark her smooth skin.

He got lost in sensations. The feel of her around him squeezing his cock almost as if trying to keep him close whenever he pulled back. The wet sound of their bodies meeting mixed with their groans of pleasure. The smell of their sweat together and the taste of her skin. The sight of her blissed-out expression as Keanu fucked her into incoherent pleas of more and faster.

Keanu was so focused on Steph, on making sure she was enjoying herself that his own orgasm took him a bit by surprise. He held her close, burying his face against her neck, grunting and panting and she held him through it, petting his hair.

Once he caught his breath, he met her gaze with a frown.

“You didn’t…” Steph just smiled.

“Takes me a while to come again after the first,” she said, kissing his cheek. “It’s ok, Keanu, I enjoyed it.”

“No, it isn’t,” he said pulling back from her and going on his knees again. Steph just chuckled, brushing his cheek. “I want you to feel good and I’m not gonna stop until you do.”

“Okay,” she replied with a grin. “Get to work then.”

xxx (tbc) xxx

Go to chapter 3

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[alethia000]

Korean boy band member Nichkhun on life as a K-pop idol

By: Natasha Gillespie-Wong

December 29, 2020

Singer, songwriter, rapper, model and now Hollywood actor, Nichkhun is a man of many talents. The Thai-American, who’s currently based in South Korea, gives Natasha Gillespie-Wong an insight into life as a K-pop idol. Moving effortlessly in front of the camera, Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul, better known as Nichkhun, obviously knows his best angles. A quiet confidence shines through as he expertly works each garment into the frame. A few more outfit changes, a quick snack and he’s ready for the interview. Without the cameras on him, Nichkhun’s demeanour changes and a soft-spoken, almost shy man sits before me.

Brought up between Thailand and California, Nichkhun was scouted by JYP Entertainment as a teenager in Los Angeles, and so began his whirlwind adventure to K-pop superstardom. Speaking fluent Thai, English and Korean, Nichkhun quickly became the darling of Southeast Asia. Now, he’s treading the boards in Hong Kong ahead of his Hollywood debut in Hong Kong Love Story.

You’re multilingual and have lived all over the world. What aspects of your international upbringing influence your work and work ethic?

I think being and living in different countries, experiencing so many cultures, opens doors. It gives you perspective. When I talk to someone who’s been around the world or has lived somewhere else before, they tend to be more understanding. Experiencing different cultures gives you an understanding of why people behave the way they do. So I think in that sense it plays a big role in my career and my work ethic.

When you’re working, you deal with a lot of different people, from different upbringings. A lot of the time people don’t even know they’re doing something you’re not used to so when you’re understanding of different cultures and norms, you don’t get frustrated. I really encourage my friends or people around me to travel more, not just for a couple of days, but to get out and meet local people and talk to them, learn a bit about their language and about their culture. I think that that really helps a lot and not just for work, but for your life.

You were scouted at 18 and had to learn to sing, dance and speak new languages. What new things did you learn about yourself through your work? Was there anything that surprised you about the training?

I was never very good at singing and dancing. [JYP Entertainment] recruited me to go to Korea. When I was there, I started training and they would ask me, “Why are you not good? Why can’t you sing? Why can’t you dance?” I was a bit taken aback because I thought to myself, “You saw my audition tape, you know what I can do”, which, to be honest, at the time was nothing. But then I started to understand that they just wanted to motivate me. I’m part of the company and I have to measure up to their standards.

The guys who were already in the company had some skills before coming in. So I had to work extra hard; I think that was the hardest part for me. Living and moving to Korea and adapting to Korea wasn’t that hard, just the training was not easy. I think what surprised me most about working in this industry is myself. I started off with no skills and zero confidence and I was so shy that I couldn’t even speak in front of a class to give a presentation or anything. I surprised myself. I think the first couple of times I went on stage, I thought I was going to freeze, but I didn’t. And that taught me that if you try hard enough, if you want something, you can do it.

I read that your mum never expected you to pursue performing as a career. What fuels your passion for the arts? Did you perform as a child at all?

When I was growing up, I would do school concerts and festivals but never anything serious. I never thought I would perform in front of a real audience, outside of my school. Once you’re on stage professionally, it’s a different story. When I found out that I could perform, maybe not that well or maybe not as perfect as I wanted it to be, that just drove me to be more thirsty and I just wanted it more. I just wanted to be better.

As a member of 2PM, what do you think your personality specifically brings to the group? And what are some of the challenges of working as a group?

I think I’m the international bridge that connects the group to places outside Korea. If the group were only Korean members, the reach would be very Korean. But because I’m there, I make the group a little more international. Me and Taecyeon, because he grew up in Boston.

In Korean culture, younger people usually can’t speak up to the older ones. But we’re all friends, colleagues, partners. So whatever problems we have we talk it out. It doesn’t matter if you’re the youngest or the oldest, we just call a meeting and we talk about it. I think that’s how we’ve remained so close for so long.

Because music is art, sometimes less is more but sometimes more is more so we have to find a balance. We haven’t perfected it, but we’re still on the way, still learning a lot. What I’ve learned is you can never satisfy the public completely.

What was it like to go out on your own as a solo artist?

I never thought I’d do my own music, because in 2PM I have five other members to cover for me if I make a mistake. But when they went off to the military, I promised the fans that I wouldn’t leave them. That’s when I came out with an album and started touring. I called my first solo album ME, because I wanted the fans to hear what I listened to or what I wanted to make, not what’s trendy. I never thought I could sing and dance all by myself for two and a half hours on stage, but I’ve done it. I just keep learning new things about myself through work. I’m very fortunate that this is my job, it’s a blessing. The music industry is so dynamic. Do you find it hard to keep up at all or do you not pay too much attention to that?

I don’t think about that much. To me, music is timeless. I listen to the same old songs that I like, and I think that’s just who I am. It’s not just with music but with fashion too. My fans are always saying, “Please go shopping! Please update your wardrobe!” But growing up, my dad would wear the same shoes until they broke. Then he would fix them and wear them more, until he couldn’t fix them anymore. So my mentality is very much, if it ain’t broke, why fix it? I find buying things for myself hard as well. I would rather spend money on things to share, like food and good experiences. I pay for things like taking my family on a trip. We all have fun, make good memories.

For me, the most important thing is staying true to myself, because the industry will always want something new. The latest sound or instrument, you might use it in your music, but then because it takes maybe four or five months to produce, the sound has changed. So that’s why with ME, because I didn’t know what the audience would want to hear at the time of release, I just stuck to what I wanted the public to hear. I’m not aiming for a number one hit song every time, I’m just trying to show off my colours.

How did you make the leap from music to TV and movies? Are the industries very different?

Acting was kind of a natural next step for me. In this industry, there are so many avenues you can explore. You start in music, you can move from performing to production or recording music to recording film. For me, I think I was always interested and intrigued by acting. I’ve had so many great opportunities, I got lucky and now I’m in an American film and it all came from a series of opportunities and me being fortunate.

The main difference I’ve noticed is the feedback. With music you get an immediate reaction from the crowd, you perform and you get recognition. With acting, it’s delayed. It can take months or even years for a movie to come out so the feedback is very, very delayed. I think that’s the only big difference between music and movies.

You’ve portrayed characters from a marathon runner to a student involved in a murder case. How has acting helped you discover new aspects of yourself?

The roles I’ve played so far have just been characters that people can relate to, that I relate to, it’s just a bit of myself. I’m not a method actor. I just kind of forget it when I go home and then when I’m back on set I get back into it. I don’t take it home with me; I don’t know if that’s good or bad.

Because I haven’t had a very intense, sophisticated role, I don’t know if I could pull to that extreme. I would need to spend a lot of time with a character like that.

I’m still in the learning stage and am always happy to have a new challenge. I’m just trying to go deeper with each character, even if he’s not a serious person or, you know, like a psycho killer. But still, I’m trying to dig in a little more, trying to give this character more dimension, and also bring a bit more fun. I think I’m just starting to learn to worry less about getting the script right and just becoming a character.

Before I was just feeling I can’t get the lines wrong. And that’s not the most important thing. You know, you can play around with characters, unless you meet a really strict director, which I haven’t yet. I think that’s the greatest thing about being an artist for me. You might get given a subject, but within that radius, within that circle, you can bounce around so much that you don’t have to be just one thing. I think that’s the beauty of the industry.

You’ve made a big impact helping UNICEF raise awareness and funds for children’s rights. How important is it to you to give back to society?

There are so many issues that we are blind to. Little things like clean water to drink, safe places. It’s very important that these kids have the opportunity to grow up to be healthy, educated and strong. I’m so thankful that UNICEF chose me to be one of their ambassadors. Being a spokesperson is more important than just donations. If I’m spreading the message, then that will hopefully have an impact on others too. In my position, I live off of people’s love so it’s very important for me to give some of that love back and not just take all the time.

Who is your #legend?

My parents. I’ve met so many great people throughout my life, but no matter where I go or what I do, I find myself thinking back to things my parents said. I’ve realised that you can have hundreds of idols in your life, whom you really respect, but the people you should respect the most are your parents. Even though I didn’t really listen to them as a child, they made me who I am today. I’ve been living on my own for 21 years now and I could have gone the wrong way, but thanks to my parents’ teaching I’ve managed to stay on a somewhat straight path. Whenever I went off the road a little bit, I always came back, thanks to my parents.

CREDITS Creative Direction and Styling / Alvin Goh Photography / Erfan Shekarriz Art Direction / Djiun Wang Videographer / Feicien Feng Video Editor / Feicien Feng & Simarpreet Kaur Panjeta Make-Up / Alvin Goh Hairstyling / Peter Cheng Assistants / Feicien Feng, Elizabeth Kezia, Lyly Chan, John Marcus, Kenna Chiu

Source: https://hashtaglegend.com/magazine/digital-exclusive/nichkhun-brooks-brothers-kpop-interview/

[stone-man-warrior]

November 17, 2020: 8:39 pm:

From Twitter suspended account rantings I do about Global terrorism today:

Could that be a million Trump terror soldiers all equipped with Pixel Suits? Shane and Zack were wearing them the other night, that is a sign of Pixel Suits in greater number, and lower ranking soldiers than usual equipped with them. The ones with the Pixel Suits started out being select soldiers, now this year the suits are worn by increasing numbers of terror soldiers, the suits are made by Google, is the information I have. Introduction of iPhone 12 is a heads up for more video capability to power the high demands of the Pixel Suit video requirements. The suits run on iPhones to power the video needs, dispite that the suit is made by Google. There is enough information in the launch of the Space X news combined with other information from Music industry promotional email command orders to support the possibility that disappearing Tweets are really a Twitter army equipped with new uniforms of invisible electronic camouflage for the final stages of the Corona Virus terror takeover of the USA. The current model of Pixel Suits requires seven iPhones to wear the suit, one per leg, one per arm, one each for front & back torso, and one more to glue it all tother into one controlling unit. With the iPhone 12 they are likely to demand fewer iPhones to run the video, making the suits less costly to use, and drawing less attention from increased iPhone sales or manufacture, in event there are people who keep track of phones and numbers of people who are said to have purchased them. Some clues in the Space X include the trip to the ISS was said to have been 27 hours. That is a containment statement, 3 cubed for the trinity rule application so terror soldiers can read the comm, they need clues like that. Other comm is an association to a "Cole Clark Angel" acoustic guitar advertisement, and some very tiny details in the photography of the guitar, and then translated to a video presentation of the Space X docking today. Too complicated to explain, but, there is a scene in the video where you can see that parts of the space station are somewhat similar looking to a video game controller. There is also a Taylor acoustic guitar model that also has photography of the guitar advertised showing the sound hole rosette is overlayed on top of, and covering the strings of the guitar, presenting an obviously enhanced bit of illusion on the advertising of the guitar. The result read, is that the strings on the guitar where the photo was manipulated, are to be interpreted as the astronauts as they are entering the space station through the door. So, you are to understand at that point that there is something about the astronauts that you must go find in the video. What you find is that the trip lasted 27 hours to get there, and those space suits they are wearing are very smooth, hard plastic looking space suits. That is what a Pixel Suit looks like when they are not turned on, smooth, black, stiff looking, wearable video screens. The ads are from Zzounds Music. You need to look at this at Zzounds: Taylor AD27 American Dream Grand Pacific Acoustic. Then, you need to look at this other one:Cole Clark Angel 2EC Australian Blackwood Acoustic-Electric Guitar (with Case)

This crooked tuning key (is called “Tuning Machine. Details matter)

You need to see that the tuning key is crooked on a very expensive guitar the Angel key for the small E string. that means "inclination to do terror" Then, you look at the rosette at the sound hole, it's white, nearly invisible. That tells you about the inclination, to be invisible. Then, this other rosette on the Taylor:

You need to see that the strings are beneath the rosette. That means "Illusion" is happening somewhere. They made illusion for the comm so you can read what you need to know. "Don't look inside this sound hole, go find a different sound hole to look at". It's dark inside the sound hole, you cannot see the internal bracing like you are supposed to, means "Shhhush... it's a secret" Then, you already are supposed to know that Space X is fake, there is no space station, so, you go look for that video on Twitter, where your marching orders have been coming from for the past 12 years. Then you make assessment that the astronauts are the strings, and they need to tell you something as they are passing through the fake door on the fake space station. They are saying: "we are not wearing our space suits at the time that we passed through the fake space door." That means there is something about the suits. You have a whole bunch of information at that point that tells you about illusion, suits, invisible people who are displayed as steel strings, and invisible white rosettes on a guitar called an Angel with one crooked tuner key, is very expensive. When you add Mike Pence, a penny, the Angel is $2,300, and satisfies the Trinity rules with 2 and 3. Go find the video of the docking at ISS. There is a still scene midway in the video, find a round hole on the space station, the place where it dock on approach I think is what they are showing. To the right you see six small round black circles. Three of them are shaped as a perfect triangular shape, and the other three are not quite a perfect triangle shape. Those are representations of the audio controls on the Taylor guitar and the crooked tuning key on the Angel. One of them is crooked, so, now you know you found the holy grail you were looking for, because is all checks out. And those look like a video game controller, sort of, while the circle docking area is the sound hole on both guitars. I suspect there is more clues for this contained in news about the new Xbox and Sony play station games from earlier this week that can also be looked at. There is a lot more to the comm. I can only explain so much on a suspended Twitter account though, and no one reads my Tumblr account, so, that won't help. Bottom line is that there seems to be a distribution of Pixel Suits on a large scale. That is bad news for Freedom, bad news for USA, bad news for people all over the world. The comm is very Vatican, Very Google. The comm is at a time when Jack of Twitter was presented in congress, and we almost never see Jack. He was presented while on a boat, but they didn't say he was on a boat, in a pool in his backyard, you have to figure that out on your own. It means that the news is orgasmic, in a gay sort of @Jack way. Jack was "Out of the Box" today. It's an "Open Box Sale Event". Jack is the sale on the mast of the pirate ship propelling the boat at Congress to inform the terror bastard actors who portray US Congressmen & women about the Google Pixel Suits being ready to ship. Dolly Parton is also participating in the comm, she is a terror operative. You need perquisit information to see what is going on with that part. Her braziers are made by Acme Tool & Die, they are equipped with hasps made by Zero Halliburton, a company that makes breif cases that are suitable for Top Secret information. That is the prerequisite info about Ms. Parton. This is the terror comm email from Zzounds Hollywood terror command HQ from today:

More showing that the one you need to look at is the one that is skewed on an angle.

This is the guitar on the website:

This is the illusion that you need to see. The sound hole rosette is showing over top of the strings:

You have to find the Angel on your own when you look at the Taylor at Zzounds Music. They put it right there at the bottom left of the Taylor ad so you don‘t have to go too far to find it.

The Angel: (I want this guitar, please send one to my house.)

This is where you see that the tuning key is crooked on the one for the small E String of a very expensive guitar:

8:42 pm.

This added 9:51 pm: You may find evidence of “Time Warp” terror here. This space station concert might help to prove that what we see on Twitter is mostly reruns of old news presented as new. This may be part of another time in the past when those same guitars and same ads were used in association with the same space station Space X launch for the purpose of announcing the distribution of next generation Pixel Suits. The information I shared above is old, happened the exact same way before in the past many years ago, and was all presented as new on twitter with the congressional hearing, and with the very same email advertising. This kind of evidence is difficult to prove, so, make your own assessments based on your own research, and especially your own memory of events that already happened long ago.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wM7XerPy2kY

10:00 pm.

https://twitter.com/Space_Station/status/1328584819148804096

added 10:18 pm: This may spark a memory of Big Hair Blonde Astronaut who seems to have been up there for more than ten years. The original stories that feature her have been purged from the internet, but I remember her from long ago being in the space station, maybe you do to.

Here below is the thing I was referring to that looks like a video game controller, and the sound hole comm for the guitars. It’s all very secret, is very subtle, but once you make the association and see that all of the communication necessary was done on the same day, you can make the connection the same way the terror soldiers do, intuitively.

The link to the BBC news on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/BBCNews/status/1328730003396300800

10:33 pm.

=========================

additional:

Bonus terror communication also from today includes this email promotion from American Music Supply Hollywood Command HQ featuring keyboards and synthesizers:

There are many in the advertisement:

You need this Moog Subsequent 37 for more terror comm:

This is how it looks on the website:

You need to look at that top video and watch the demonstration:

Please pay attention to the room, that background says a lot all on it’s own. Those lights are symbolic Christmas lights, among other things, see the familiar way the lights are out of focus to give you that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you see them there. See the way the man playing the instrument is a very  happy fellow, and he plays it real good. See that he is preoccupied with the instrument, then, after that, you are on your own to make assessments.

You need to know that Moog is a employee owned company to solve problems that they are part of.

There is way too much happening in the video presentation, but pay special attention to the parts where the narrator does some comparisons for you, about the Sub 37, and the Subsequent 37... two different models that look exactly the same to me, he has analytic machinery, very specialized equipment. There is a timing statement being made, and is about specifics of attack plans that the Pixel Suits were delivered for, so, timing is short, details matter, and the time to act is now.

I am not going to read the video, there is too much going on. I want to share it so that others who are more qualified can make assessments and solve problems.

(I want one of these things, please send one to my house)

11:20 pm. more additional thoughts: Think about this as you watch the Zuckerberg look-a-like tell you about those two instruments: 11:33 pm:

[allthehorrormovies]

A+1 - A blend of American Pie and Scream, but surprisingly better than that sounds. Outlining the plot would give away the twist, which tips its hand early on, yet ends in a gratifying manner. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Make love, not war.

Alien - A friend remarked how this film likely wouldn’t be made today. It’s shot too dark. It’s quiet, purposefully. There’s no action for much of the first half; more a study in isolated labor and worker exploitation. And there’s not a “star,” outside of teenage dreamboat Harry Dean Stanton. Actors like Sir Ian Holm Cuthbert were selected for their ability, not their stature within Hollywood, as production took place in London. As Robert Ebert said, “These are not adventurers, but workers.” We’re lucky it was made, supposedly, in part because the success of Star Wars pushed the studio to quickly release their own space movie. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Sigourney Weaver is the ultimate Final Girl.

Aliens - The deliberate, slow pace of Alien is replaced by James Cameron’s grandiose action, backed by four times the original budget. Like Terminator 2: Judgment Day, it’s amazing that both films avoid “the disease of more.” Cameron’s characters are too often weighed down by punch-line dialogue, but all the elements together somehow work. Ripley’s character begins to move past being a simple pilot and into a warrior woman, for better and worse. The studio originally tried to write her out of the sequel due to a contract dispute, but Cameron thankfully refused to make the film without her. There are people out there who prefer Aliens to Alien, and that’s fine. They are wrong, but that’s fine. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Alien³ - David Fincher has famously disowned his directorial debut, citing studio deadlines for its poor quality. Compared to the first two films, it certainly is a failure. Though gorier, the scenes with the digital alien look terrible upon re-viewing. The various writers and scripts, some potentially interesting—especially William Gibson’s version, and changing cinematographers and the insertion of Fincher late into production doomed the project from the start. All that said, the movie itself isn’t terrible—parts are even good, but what feels like a midway point in Ripley’s saga is ultimately her end, and that feels cheap. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Alien: Covenant - The maddening mistakes of Prometheus absent, this sequel is a tense, action-packed killer of a flick. Scott claims a third prequel is in the works that will tie everything back to Alien, which is . . . fine? It’s just that the first film was so great and everything else since then seems so unnecessary. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Alien Resurrection - The aliens look better than ever before, but Joss Whedon’s dialogue is simply annoying and the casting is horrible. Ripley has super powers and kills her large adult alien son. Winona Ryder decides crashing a space ship into Paris, killing untold millions, is the best way to get rid of the aliens for some reason. It’s fucking dumb and cost $70 million to make. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. In the special edition intro, director Jean-Pierre Jeunet says he didn’t change much in the re-release because he was proud of the theatrical version. Baffling. 

Amer - This Belgian-French film is a tribute to the Italian tradition of giallo, a stylized, thriller told in three sections that directors like Suspiria’s Dario Argento pioneered. Mostly wordless, there’s not much plot, more a series of moments in a women’s life revolving around terrifying, sexual moments that ends in murder and madness. There are some terrific scenes, but it’s more of an art piece than movie. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

An American Werewolf in London - Funny and scary all at once, setting the bar almost impossibly high for all that followed. Rick Baker's special effects catapult this movie into greatness. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Ebert was right, though; it doesn’t really have an ending. 

Annihilation - Perhaps more of a sci-fi thriller than a horror movie. But due to some terrifying monsters scenes, I’m going to include it. Apparently writer/director Alex Garland wrote the screenplay after reading the first book in Jeff VanderMeer’s Southern Reach trilogy, giving the movie a different overall plot. Garland’s sleek style that made Ex Machina so wonderful is replaced by “The Shimmer,” which gives the film a strange glow. The ending relies too much on digital special effects that looked more gruesome in earlier segments, detracting from its intended impact. Still, a few key scenes, especially the mutated bear, are downright terror-inducing. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. I first found the constant flashbacks unnecessary, but viewed as a refraction on Portman’s mind as well as her body make them more forgiving.

The Babadook - Creepy and nearly a perfect haunted horror movie, except for some final tense moments that too quickly try to switch to sentimental, which leaves their earnestness falling flat. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Dook. Dook. Dook.

The Babysitter (2017) - One of Netflix’s original movies, this one pays off in gore and borrows heavily from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World-style jokes. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Meh. It’s cheesy and cliché, but whaddaya gonna do?

Backcountry - Don’t be fooled thinking this is like Jaws “but with a bear,” as I did. Unsympathetic characters and zero tension make this movie a drag to watch. At the start, you think, “Who cares if these assholes get eaten by a bear? They wandered into bear country without a map.” By the end, you’re actively cheering for the bear to eat the boyfriend and only a little sympathetic for the lead character. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. To her credit, Missy Peregrym does a fine job of being a mostly lone protagonist.

Basket Case - Cult director Frank Henenlotter‘s debut starts as a creepy, bloody horror movie, but staggers after showing the monster too soon and then tries to fill time with unnecessary backstory and extended scenes of screams and blood that would have otherwise been eerily good if executed more subtly. Despite not being very good, it’s at least somewhat interesting and kind of impressive considering its low budget. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Battle Royal - I’m not convinced this is a horror movie, it’s more just a gory action flick. But hey, oh well. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Fun, but not as great as many people seem to believe.

The Beyond - Considered one of Lucio Fulci’s greatest films, it might be a bit disappointing to newcomers of his work. Certainly the style and impressive gore are at their highest, but the muddled plot and poor dubbing distract from the overall effect. Fabio Frizzi‘s score is, for the most part, a great addition, however, certain key moments have an almost circus-like tone, which dampens what should be fear-inducing scenes. It’s easy to see why some fans absolutely love this movie while some critics absolutely hate it. In the end, it’ll please hardcore horror fans, but likely bore others. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Beyond the Gates - Two estranged brothers are sucked into an all-too-real game of survival after finding a mysterious VHS board game following the disappearance of their father. The plot is fun and original, but the lead actors aren’t all that engaging and the special effects look rather outdated for a 2016 release. Still, it’s an enjoyable watch. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Black Christmas - A slasher that starts out with potential, but never gets all that scary or gory, though it’s well made. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Margot Kidder gets a kid drunk.

Black Sheep (2006) - A hilarious, gory take on zombie sheep. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Black Sunday - The Mask of Satan (aka Black Sunday) is totally my new superhero/metal band name. If you're a fan of older horror, this one is not-to-miss. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Vengeance, vampires, Satan worship, castles, curses, and a buxom heroine, this movie is pretty damn dark for a 1960's black & white film.

The Blackcoat’s Daughter - Scores points for a couple of horrific scenes and a fairly good switcheroo, but mostly too slowly paced to capture the viewer’s attention. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Emma Roberts continues her path to being the modern Scream Queen.

The Birds - Hithcock’s film was, by no means, the first horror movie. German, Japanese, and UK directors had explored witches, demons, and the classic monsters decades earlier. But, The Birds is a landmark film, like Psycho, for pioneering a new wave of modern horror. It was, perhaps, the first time female sexuality and ecological revenge had been combined to create an unsettling tale with an ambiguous ending. And the rather graphic scenes of found corpses, combined with a minimalist score, are nearly as shocking today as when the film was first released. 5 out of 5 pumpkins.

Braindead - It's Bill Pulman and Bill Paxton in a 1980s B-horror; what more do you need? Most people won't enjoy this campy fart of nonsense, but try pulling your TV outside and getting good and drunk. Anything's good then. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. “The universe is just a wet dream."

The Brood - No where near as polished as Scanners or Videodrome, but still a creepy, well-made film. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

A Bucket of Blood - This black & white 1959 film from Roger Corman is more dark comedy than horror, but it’s a absurdly fun critique of beatnik culture written by Corman’s partner on Little Shop of Horrors. Dick Miller gives a great performance, and with a run time of about an horror, the pacing feels relatively quick for an older film. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Byzantium - The tale of two British vampires who live like wandering gypsies, setting up a low-rent brothel in a seaside town despite being immortal badasses because the all-powerful, all-male secret vampire club is trying to kill them, because . . . no girls allowed? It’s unclear. The vampires are of the more modern type—they go out during the day and receive their curse from a geological location than from one another. Still, overall the movie is better than it has to be. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Cabin Fever - Eli Roth’s directorial debut isn’t awful, but it certain could have been better considering Roth credits Carpenter’s The Thing as its inspiration. The homophobic jokes date the movie more than the alt-rock soundtrack and the repetitive scenes reminding viewers of how the mysterious disease spreads (at apparently differing rates depending on the character) during the conclusion end up creating a weird kind of plot hole. To his credit, some of the nods to The Thing are OK. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever - That Ti West made this pseudo-campy and outright bad movie during the same period that he made The House of the Devil is perplexing. The style, pace, and subtly that make The House of the Devil an enjoyable film are nonexistent in this cash-grab sequel. West apparently hated the final cut and requested his name be removed from the project. That said, I kind of like this movie better than the original. I’ve always found Roth’s praise of his directorial debut to be odd, as it’s not very good. For what it’s worth, this movie isn’t trying to be anything other than what it is: a tasteless, bad horror movie. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Retcons the plot hole in the first movie, at least.

The Cabin in the Woods - As good of a spoof of the horror genre as one could hope. Stereotypical with an O'Henry twist at every turn, this movie is good for an afternoon viewing, much like Tucker & Dale vs Evil. Without giving much away, if you think about it, The Cabin In the Woods is like a weird PSA about how marijuana will destroy all of mankind. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Fun and gory with something for everyone.

Candyman - Decades later, it’s not as easy to see why Candyman was such a landmark movie. It’s a bit slow, stumbles in places, and some of the acting is only serviceable. However, the story itself (based on Clive Baker’s original) is—on paper at least—good. Critics at the time were rightfully hesitant to praise a movie simply for having a black villain, especially when his origin is based on racial violence, but Tony Todd’s portrayal is so terrifying it launches the character into one of the all time great horror monsters. Add in Philip Glass’s soundtrack and Candyman reigns among other classics without being a top contender. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Carrie - I saw this movie on TV a long time ago, but I had forgotten much of the film, especially the opening scene of slow motion nudity (aren't these girls supposed to be in high school?!). The remake of this movie is likely going to be bad, but the original is so good I'll probably go see it. What can be said? Pig's blood. Fire. Religious indoctrination. Sexual overtones. There's a reason Brain de Palma's version of Steven King's story became so culturally important. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. This movie holds up, even today. 

Carrie (2013) - Though nothing is glaringly bad, and the added back-story decently pulled off by Julian Moore as the mother, almost every scene is a shadow of the original. Which is unfortunate considering that the remake of Let The Right One In managed to find a somewhat more unique tone. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Largely unnecessary.

The Changeling - George C. Scott does a fine job as a mourning husband haunted by an unfamiliar spirit. Not the most exciting movie, but pretty decent. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. It might’ve ranked higher, but there are no half stars here.


Cheerleader Massacre - This movie looks like someone shot it in their backyard with an earl 90s handheld camcorder . . . in high school. This is just embarrassing, for me too. The actors seem to be exotic dancers or adult film stars, who haven’t been asked back for a shift in a while. Alright, I skipped through this because the quality was so low. At around minute 41 there's a bathtub scene with three naked women, which culminates in one licking chocolate sauce off each other’s breasts. Some people die. Two of the naked women survive, I think. The house they all go to in the beginning of the movie - a ski lodge, I guess - burns down, or doesn't. Whatever. 0 out of 5 pumpkins. Just watch actual porn.

Child’s Play - While only OK, I understand how this became a franchise. Melted Chucky is terrifying. The villain can hop from vessel to vessel, unfortunately through some kind of voodoo racist bullshit. The characters are shallow, but serviceable. For such a big budget movie, it’s weird that it ends so abruptly. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Children of the Corn - Damn, this movie is boring. Linda Hamilton does the World's Least Sexy Birthday Striptease. The characters are joking quite a bit having just run over a child, whose dead body is rattling around in the trunk. What was the casting call like for this movie? "Wanted: Ugly children. Must look illiterate." All in all, things turn out pretty good for our protagonists. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. For something that spurred at least five other movies, this was remarkably uninspiring. 

City of the Living Dead - The dialogue is awkward and the plot a bit convoluted, but the special effects hold up and the overall story is good. The first of Lucio Fulci’s Gates of Hell trilogy. Apparently when the movie was screened in L.A., Fulci was booed. 3 of 5 pumpkins. Poor Bob the Simple Pervert.

Climax - Gaspar Noé is known for making viewers feel as uncomfortable possible with his experimental style film making. Which is fine. But that discomfort rarely lands to move me outside the initial shock. Climax is, surprisingly, more like a Suspiria remake than the actual 2018 remake. That, however, doesn’t make it good. The really shocking moments aren’t all that shocking and the cultural commentary isn’t very deep. It’s not a bad movie, it’s just, well, unnecessary. The dance scenes are extraordinary, so at least it’s got that going for it. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Color Out of Space - An enjoyable, albiet uneven, film that does a lot with little. A head-trip type of home invasion movie that pulls you in. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Conjuring - It’s easy to see why so many people love this movie. It’s well-acted, it has jump-out-of-your-seat scares, and incorporates several classic fear elements. Considering the mediocre, at best, tiredly worn horror movies that slump to torture porn for shock value coming out recently, The Conjuring stands above its peers. Still, there’s nothing original about the movie. 3 out 5 pumpkins. 

The Conjuring 2 - Billed as more shocking than the original, this sequel likely lands better in theaters with it’s jump-cut scares and action flick sequences. On the home screen, however, the overly dramatic elements are too far flung to seem like a haunting based on true events. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. 

Creep (2014) - Nails the P.O.V. angle without going too far down the overly-used “found footage.” Mark Duplass is terrifying and without his ability to carry the film, the entire concept could have easily fallen flat. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Creep 2 - Mark Duplass pleasantly surprises with a sequel that, while not as *ahem* creepy as the first, builds out the world of his serial killer in a manner that is engaging and ends with the potential for more. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Crimes of Passion - Technically it’s an “erotic thriller,” but given Ken Russell in the director’s chair and Anthony Perkins as the villain, I’m adding it to this list. Unfortunately, it’s not a great film. Kathleen Turner surpasses over acting in some scenes, and the rest of the cast is pretty forgettable. If the plot revolved around Perkins’s character, it might have been more of a horror flick. Instead revolves around loveless marriage and the fucked up issues of sexuality in America, attempting to say . . . something, but never really making a point. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Russell has got an obsession with death dildos. I don’t know what to do with that information. Just an observation.

Crimson Peak - Guillermo del Toro is a complicated director. He’s created some truly remarkable films, but has also created some borderline camp. Crimson Peak splits the difference, much in the same way Pacific Rim does. If you’re a deep fan of a particular genre, in this case Victorian-era romance, then the movie can be an enjoyable addition to the category with its own voice. If you’re not, then the movie’s more eye-roll-inducing moments are less a nod to fandom and more of an uninvited addition to what could be a straight forward film. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Beautiful, but lacking.

Cronos - This del Toro film is a must-see for any fan of his current work. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Even if you're not usually a fan of foreign films, you'll likely appreciate this modern take on the vampire mythology.

Dagon - To be honest, I feel like I should watch this one again. It’s a bit of a jumbled mess, but there are some wacky, gory moments at the end. Similar in tone and style to Dead and Buried. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Seriously, like the last 20 minutes cram so much plot it’s just a series of wtf moments until hitting incest and then nothing really matters.

Darling - Well shot in beautiful black and white with an excellence score, Darling really should receive a better score. However, it fails to be more than the sum of its parts. Borrowing liberally from Kubrick’s one-point perspective and Polanski’s Repulsion in nearly every other way, the film is decent, but fumbles in deciding whether to convince the audience of a clear plot, leaving viewers with closure, yet unsatisfied. Still, worth viewing. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Daughters of Darkness - A Belgian/French erotic vampire film that isn’t as erotic or vampiric as one might hope. Still, legend Delphine Seyrig shines so brightly, it’s catapults are relatively boring film into near greatness. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Dawn of the Dead - The best zombie movie ever made. 5 out of 5 pumpkins.

Day of the Dead - George A. Romero’s end to a near-perfect trilogy isn’t as good as its predecessors, but it’s gorier and somehow more depressing, even with the ending. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Dead and Burried - Starts with a bang, but lags in the middle. The ending tries too hard to surprise you, yet, by the time it’s over you kind of don’t care. Surprisingly well acted and good, creepy tale. Might not be everyone’s bag, but if you’re a tried-and-true horror fan, you’ll enjoy the movie. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Fun fact: The movie was written by Dan O’Bannon, famed for writing Alien. O’Bannon worked with John Carpenter on a short in film school, quit being a computer animator on Star Wars to be a screenwriter, and became broke and homeless after attaching himself to Jodorowsky’s doomed Dune. He later went on to direct The Return of The Living Dead and write Total Recall. 

Dead Snow - A Nazi zombie bites off a dude's dick. Do you really need any other details? 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Germans be crazy.

Dead Snow 2: Red vs Dead - Not as good as its predecessor, but still fun. Plus, more children die. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Why all the gay jokes, though?

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats - OK, my first nit-pick is that the bed doesn’t eat people so much as it dissolves people. But it still makes chewing sounds? Whatever. A bizarre concept that swings for seriousness and utterly fails due to its lack of plot and extremely low budget. Kinda of weird, but ultimately pretty boring. 1 out of 5 pumpkins.

Death Spa - Hilariously bad. Super 80s. I can’t say this is a good film, but I would recommend watching it for the kitsch value. What if a ghost haunted a gym? Instant money maker. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Fun fact: the project came about due to shepherding from Walter Shenson, who got rich producing A Hard Day’s Night and Help!, and the lead actor, who plays a gym manager, was an actual gym manager in L.A. at the time.

Deathgasm - Imagine if Scott Pilgrim vs. the World was about a New Zealand metal band and not as good, but still pretty OK. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Deep Red (aka Profondo Rosso, aka The Hatchet Murders) - Dario Argento’s 1975 film is more polished than 1977′s Suspiria, which is a bit surprising. However, that doesn’t necessarily make it a better film. Where Suspirira’s fever dream colors and superior soundtrack, also by Goblin, shines, Deep Red doesn’t quite land. The camera work here is better, though, as is much of acting. But there’s a lot of let downs, such as the opening psychic bowing out and never really coming up again, the boorish male lead and oddly timed humor, and the final reveal, which is anti-climatic. Still, an overall great horror movie. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Def by Tempation - I really enjoyed this film, despite it not being the most skillful directed or the most incredible script. The plot is compelling, the jokes are pretty funny, and the angles and lighting are really well done despite the limited budget. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Admittedly, Kadeem Hardison nostalgia helps.

Demons - Multiple people recommended this to me, and I can see why considering the Dario Argento connection. Unfortunately, the premise is more exciting than the execution. Poorly acted and poorly dubbed, the gore doesn’t do enough to hold one’s attention. There’s a scene where a guy rides around on a dirt bike killing demons with a samurai sword. At least that happens. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Is the ticket-taker in on it? She works in the demon theater, right? So, why is she being hunted? Also, where the fuck did the helicopter come from?

The Descent - Some of Earth’s hottest, most fit women embark on a spelunking adventure with a recently traumatized friend. Aside from a couple of lazy devices that put the team in greater peril than necessary, the movie quickly and cleverly puts the cavers into a horrifying survival scenario that few others in the genre have matched. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Without giving too much away, be sure you get the original, unrated cut before watching this flick.

The Devil’s Backbone - Though del Toro’s debut, Cronos, is more original and imaginative, this is much more honed. Not necessarily frightening, but tense and dreadful through out, laying open the horror war inflicts on all it touches. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Devil’s Candy - More of a serial killer thriller than a horror, but the supernatural elements raise this movie to better-than-average heights. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. The real lesson is this movie is that cops won’t save you, ONLY METAL CAN SAVE YOU!

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark - The biggest upside to this movie is that it was produced by Guillermo del Toro. The biggest downside is that it's not directed by Guillermo del Toro. Still, the director gets credit for making a child the main character; never an easy task. To the little girl's credit, she's a better actor than Katie Holmes, no surprise, and Guy Pierce. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. With a bit more gore and stylistic pauses, this could have been a 4. This movie proves why killing kids is more fun than kids who kill, and also that every male protagonist in every horror movie is dumb dick.

Don’t Look Now - Well-acted and interesting, Nicolas Roeg’s adaptation is a high-water mark of the 1970s premier horror. The only real complaint is that the ending—while good and obviously ties it all together—is nonsensical. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Donald Sutherland fucks.

Event Horizon - “This ship is fucked.” “Fuck this ship!” “Where we’re going, we don’t need eyes to see.” These are quotes from, and also the plot of, Event Horizon. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. The most disturbing part of the whole production might be Sam Neil’s attempt to be a sexual icon.

The Evil Dead - Though The Shining is the best horror movie ever made, The Evil Dead is my favorite. Funny, creepy, well-shot on a shoestring budget, it's the foundation for most modern horror flicks, more so than Night of the Living Dead in some fashions. See it immediately, if you haven't. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Bruce fuckin' Campbell.

Evil Dead (2013) - Not entirely bad, and even takes the original plot in more realistic places, like the character having to detox. But is that what we really need? The fun of the original is its low budget, odd humor, and DIY grit. I guess if you really want a “darker” version, it’s this. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Better than The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, about as good as the Carrie remake, I guess.

Evil Dead II - I have to respect Sam Raimi because it’s like he got more budget and did everything possible to try and make this movie suck just as a fuck you to the studio. All the creepy parts of the original are over-the-top, there’s zero character development—just faces on a stage, and it’s seemingly a crash-grab to set up Army of Darkness more than anything else. That said, it’s kind of boring outside of a couple gory scenes. It’s fun, but not that funny. It’s scary, but more gauche than anything. An exercise in excess, yet a decent one somehow. My biggest complaint is that Evil Dead is great with Bruce Campbell, but would have been good with almost anyone; whereas Evil Dead II is only good because it’s Bruce Campbell. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark - This movie is nothing but puns and tit jokes. But clever ones! Pretty okay with that. Or maybe it's a statement on third-wave feminism in spoof form? Probably not. At one point an old people orgy breaks out at a small town morality picnic, but it's a PG-13 movie so it doesn't get very fun. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Boooooooooobs.

Elvira's Haunted Hills - A pretty disappointing follow-up to what was a fun, 1980s romp. Instead of poking fun at uptight Protestants, Elvira’s just kind of a dick to her servant. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Even the boob jokes are flat.

The Endless - More sci-fi than horror, and not the most deftly produced, still an original concept that’s pulled off well. 3 out 5 pumpkins. Maybe this should get a higher ranking. It’s good! Not exactly scary, but good.

Equinox - Decided to give another older Criterion Collection film a try. Though there are some clever tricks in the movie, especially for its time -- like an extended cave scene that's just a black screen -- the poor sound, monsters that look children's toys, and general bad acting drag this movie down to nothing but background noise that's easy to ignore. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. Whatever contributions this movie may have made to the industry, its not worth your time unless studying for a film class.

Excision - Less of an outright horror movie and more of a disturbing tale of a young necrophiliac, the film tries its best to summon the agnst of being a teen, but falls short of better takes, like Teeth. Still, pretty good. Traci Lords is great and John Waters plays a priest. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Exorcist - The slow pace and attention to character backstory is more moving than the shocking scenes you've no doubt heard about, even if you haven't seen the film. The pacing is slow compared to most movies today, but the drawn out scenes, like in Rosemary's Baby, help convey the sense of dread. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Believe.

Eyes Without a Face - One of the more remarkable things about this French 1960′s near-masterpiece is how carefully it walked the line between gore and taboo topics in order to pass European standards. The villain isn’t exactly sympathetic, but carries at least some humanity, giving the story a more realistic, and therefore more frightening quality. The only, only thing that holds this film back is the carnivalesque soundtrack that could have been foreboding. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. A must watch for any horror fan.

The Fly - Cronenberg's fan-favorite film is delightful, though it’s not as great as Scanners or Videodrome, in my humble opinion. Jeff Goldblum is, of course, terrific. If you haven’t seen it, see it! 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Where’d he get the monkey, though? Seems like it’d be hard to just order a monkey. The 80s were wild, man.

The Fog - A rare miss for John Carpenter’s earlier work. There’s nothing outright wrong or bad about this movie, but it’s not particularly scary and the plot is rather slow. That said, it’s soundly directed. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. If you’re a Carpenter fan, it’s still worth watching.

Forbidden World - Another Roger Corman cult classic, this one made immediately after the much larger budget Galaxy of Terror, mostly because Corman had spent so much on the first set (designed by James Cameron) and thought of a way to make another low-budget flick with a much smaller cast and recycled footage from Battle Beyond the Stars. Even more of a complete rip-off of Alien, with some Star Wars and 2001: A Space Odyssey bit sprinkled in. Perhaps because it’s far less serious and revels in its pulp, it’s somehow better than Galaxy of Terror, which is more ambitious—you know, for a Corman b-movie. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. No worm sex scene, though.

Frankenhooker - Frank Henenlotter‘s 1990 black comedy is over-the-top in almost every way, perhaps best encapsulated by the introduction of Super Crack that makes sex workers, and one hamster, explode. But with a title like Frankenhooker, you get what you expect. Hell, it even manages to sneak in an argument for legalizing prostitution. If you’re a fan of zany, exploitation in the vein of Re-Animator, you’ll enjoy it. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Friday the 13th - Terrifically balanced between campy and creepy, with a soundtrack that’s twice as good as it needs to be. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Worth watching every year.

The Frighteners - Michael J. Fox, everyone! Robert Zemeckis & Peter Jackson - ugh. It didn't even take 20 minutes for the racial stereotypes to kick in. Unlike the trope of youth in most horror movies, everyone in this movie looks old. Holy shit, did anyone else remember Frank Busey was in this movie? Michael J. Fox is a bad driver in this movie. He was also in a car accident that gave him supernatural sense. Jokes. Apparently they tried to make it look like this movie was shot in the Midwestern United States, but it was filmed in New Zealand. It's clearly a coastal or water based mountain town, in like dozens of shots. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Cheesy without being completely campy, it's also family friendly. If this were any other genre, this would likely be a two.

From Beyond - Stewart Gordon’s follow-up to Re-Animator isn’t as fun, even with some impressively gory special effects. Viewers are throw into a story with little regard for character, which doesn’t really matter, but is still a bit of a left down when you find yourself wondering how a BDSM-inclined psychiatrist builds a bomb from scratch. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. It’ll stimulate your pineal gland!

Funny Games (2007) - A fairly straightforward home invasion horror achieves greatness thanks to Michael Haneke‘s apt directing and powerful performances by Naomi Watts and Michael Pitt. Like with Psycho, some of the most horrifying parts are what comes after. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. The fourth wall breaking is an odd touch, but thankfully and surprisingly doesn’t distract.

The Fury - Brian De Palma’s follow-up to Carrie is a major let down. Despite a fairly charismatic Kirk Douglas and score by John Williams, the two-hour run time drags and drags. Attempting to combine horror and an action-thriller, the film waffles between genres without ever rising above either. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. It’s not explicitly bad; just a bore to watch.

Galaxy of Terror - Roger Corman produced this movie as was to try and capitalize off the success of Alien, but even with that shallow motivation it’s better than it needed to be. Staring Erin Moran of Happy Days fame and celebrated actor Ray Walston, Galaxy of Terror has an uneven cast, made all the more puzzling by Sid Haig. Though “the worm sex scene” is likely the reason it achieved cult status, James Cameron’s production is top-notch and was clearly the foundation for his work on Aliens. The ending even hints at the future of Annihilation. Does all this make it a good movie? Not really, but it’s not terrible either. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Get Out - A marvelous debut for Jordan Peele, who—given his comedy background—was able to land some downright chilling moments alongside some mostly well-timed jokes. Unfortunately, not all of them as well timed, especially the drop-in moments with the lead character’s TSA buddy. Peele originally had the film end less optimistically, but wanted audiences to ultimately walk away feeling good. Maybe not the most artistic choice, but certainly the smart one given the film’s acclaim. It’s easy to see why Get Out has cemented itself alongside The Stepford Wives as a smart, “in these times” commentary about society, but it’s also just a really well-paced, well-shot, well-acted film. With two other horror projects immediately set, it’ll be exciting to see just how much Peele will add to the genre. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. America’s worst movie critic, Armond White, said Get Out was “an Obama movie for Tarantino fans” as if that was a bad thing. Idiot.

Ginger Snaps - A delightfully playful but still painful reminder of what it was like being a teenager while still being a gore-fest. A must for anyone who was emo. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Out by sixteen or dead on the scene.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night - An almost flawless picture. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Bonus: nearly everyone in this movie is insanely hot.

Green Room - Surviving a white supremacist rally in the Pacific Northwest is no joke. The region is the unfortunate home to violently racist gangs, clinging to the last shreds of ignorant hate. Though fading, some of the movements mentioned in the movie, like the SHARPs, are grounded in recent history. Mainly a gory survival-flick, the movie sneaks in some surprisingly tone-appropriate humor. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. No one’s island band should be Misfits.

A Ghost Story (2017) - Yes, this isn’t a horror. It’s a drama. Don’t care; including it anyway. It’s unnerving in the way that it makes you consider your own mortality and the lives of the people who you’ve touched, and how all of that won’t last as long as an unfeeling piece of furniture or the wreckage of home soon forgot. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Ghostbusters (1984) - “It’s true. This man has no dick.” 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Halloween (1978) - One of the best openings of any horror film. John Carpenter is a genius. 5 out of 5 pumpkins.

Halloween (2018) - Eh. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Hardware - A very unhelpful Marine brings home some post-apocalyptic trash that tries to kill him and his girlfriend, who could absolutely do better than him. Horribly shot and nonsensical, it doesn’t push the boundaries of filth or gore its cult fans adore. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. Do not recommend.

The Haunting (1963) - Not exactly the scariest of movies, but damn well made and just dripping with gay undertones. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Theo is queen femme daddy and we are all here for it.

Haunting on Fraternity Row - The acting is surprisingly decent, but the supernatural elements don’t even start until halfway into the movie, which begins as a sort of handheld, POV style conceit and then abandons all pretense of that set up. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. Not at all scary, but maybe it will make you nostalgic for frat parties, cocaine, and failed threesomes. So.

The Haunting of Julia - Apparently parents in 1970s Britain didn't receive proper Hymlic maneuver treatment, which perhaps made for an epidemic of dead children. As promising as that premise might be, an hour into this movie and there hasn't been any actual haunting. There's a stylish gay best friend (he owns a furniture store) and a dumb dick of an ex-husband, a scene of library research, mistaken visions, etc. All the standards are here, except for the haunting parts. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Well shot but absolutely boring, this is more about a woman's struggle with depression than a horror flick.

Head Count - A great premises that falters in key moments, making the sum of its parts less than its promising potential. For example, there’s no reason to show a CGI monster when you’ve already established its a shape-shifter, the scariest part is that they could be anybody! 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Hellbound: Hellraiser II - I really dislike this movie, not because it’s especially bad, but because it’s a lazy continuation of the first film. Yes, there are a couple of scenes that are squeamishly good, but it spends too much time rehashing the plot of the first and then ending in some grandiose other dimension that has not real impact. Part of the terrifying elements of the first is that the horror is confined to one room in one house. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. It really only gets this many pumpkins because of the mattress scene.

Hellraiser - Truly the stuff nightmares are made of. It’s easy to see why this film became a cult-classic and continues to horrify audiences. That said, the plot is a bit simplistic. Not that the plot is the heart of the film; the objective is for viewers to experience squeamish body mutilation and overall dread, and in that regard it truly delivers. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Hereditary - Toni Collette is a treasure in this dramatic horror about family and loss. Though the truly terrifying bits take too long to ramp up, resulting in a jumbled conclusion, the film is engrossing. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Hocus Pocus - Admittedly, this movie isn’t very good. But its nostalgic charm and constant virgin jokes earns it a higher ranking that it deserves. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. “Max likes your yabbos. In fact, he loves them.”

Honeymoon - Often described as a modern twist on Rosemary’s Baby, this debut from promising director Leigh Janiak takes its time before getting truly creepy. Though there are some gruesome moments, the tense feeling is bound to the two leads, who are able to keep a lingering sense of dread alive without much else to play off. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Host - I was skeptical of this Korean movie based on the sub-par visual affects, but the script, actors, and cinematography were all much better than expected. A genre-bender, as my friend who recommended it described, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll cringe. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. If you're a fan of movies like Slither, you'll love this movie.

Hot Fuzz - Second in Three Flavours Cornetto and probably the worst, but still a great movie that gets better on repeat viewing. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

House - A part of the Critereon Collection, this 1977 Japanese movie is a trip and a half that follows the untimely demise of some school girls going to visit their friend's aunt, who turns out to be a witch who eats unwed women. One of the girls is named Kung-Fu and spiritually kicks a demon cat painting until blood pours out everywhere. I guess this is kind of a spoiler, but the movie is such a madcap, magna-influenced experiment there's nothing that can really ruin the experience. Like most anime, this movie also ends with an unnecessary song that drags on for far too long. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. I guess this movie influenced a lot of future work, which make sense. Still, most people would consider this a 1 as it's nearly impossible to follow.

The House at the End of the Street - I only decided to watch this movie because Jennifer Lawrence is in it. This isn't even a real horror movie. It's a serial killer movie with a few thriller moments. My standards are low at this point. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. It's a PG-13 movie, so instead of outright showing you some boobs there's just long, awkwardly placed frames of Jennifer Lawrence in a white tank-top. Oh, America.

The House of the Devil - Though an on-the-nose homage to 70s satanic slow-burns, this Ti West feature moves at a decent pace toward the slasher-like ending, making it better than most of movies it pays tribute to. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. 

The House on Sorority Row - A cookie-cutter college slasher that ends abruptly for no real reason considering how long it sets up its premise. Nothing awful, but nothing original. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Housebound - A fun, Kiwi flick that nicely balances a bit of horror with humor with a strong performance by Morgana O'Reilly. Though the plot takes a couple unnecessary twits towards the end, the gore kicks up and leaves you with a satisfying ending. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Howling - Released the same year as American Werewolf in London, this movie isn’t very good, but it is entertaining. Apparently audiences and critics thought it was funny. Maybe because it makes fun of that Big Sur lifestyle? I dunno. Dick Miller is the best thing in this movie, outside of the special effects. No idea why it spawned several follow ups. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Honestly, why not just lean into The Gift and join The Colony—nice surroundings, sultry nympho, regeneration ability. Some people can’t appreciate nice things.

Humanoids from the Deep - A cult favorite from the Roger Corman camp that borrows heavily from Creature from the Black Lagoon and a bit from Jaws. Initially very well done by director Barbara Peeters, but ultimately released much to her distaste. Peeters shot grisly murder scenes of the men, but used off camera and shadows to show the creatures raping the women. Corman and the editor didn’t think there was enough campy nudity. So they tapped Jimmy T. Murakami and second unit director James Sbardellati to reshoot those scenes, unknown to the cast, and then spliced the more exploitative elements back in for the final version, including a shower scene where it’s abundantly clear a new, more busty actress stands in for actual character. It’s unfortunate Peeters’ creation was essentially stolen from her, as it could have been a more respected film. I mean, how many horror flicks could weave in the economic struggle of small town bigots against a young native man trying save salmon populations? That said, the cut we got is pervy romp that’s still a boat-load of b-movie fun. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. James Horner on the score.

The Hunger - First off, David fucking Bowie. Not to be outdone, Susan Sarandon and Catherine Deneuve are absolute knock-outs. Horror stories are often rooted in the erotic, often the unknown or shameful aspects of ingrained morality manifested in the grotesque and deadly. When done positively and well, it can be a powerful device. It’s a shame more recent horror movies don’t move beyond the teen-to-college-year characters for their sexual icons, too often used as sacrificial lambs, because mature sexuality can be far more haunting. As we age our connections to the meaning of love grow deeper and more complex; immorality does not offer the same luster. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Damn impressive for a first major film. Fun fact: Tony Scott wanted to adapt Interview with the Vampire, but MGM gave him The Hunger instead. It bombed and he went back to making commercials. Then Jerry Bruckheimer got him to direct Top Gun, which made $350M.

Hush - Though the masked stranger, home invasion plot is well-worn, this movies provides just enough shifts to keep things interesting and frightening. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Watch out, Hot John!

I Am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House - With only an hour and a half run time, this film still drags. Part of that is deliberate. The foundation of the film is its atmosphere and the lingering uneasiness that it wishes audiences to dwell in. But by the end, you’re left with nothing more than a simple, sad story. It’s similar to the feeling of overpaying for a nice-looking appetizer and never getting a full meal. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Initiation - This movie has every 80s hour cliché necessary: minimalist synth soundtrack, naked co-eds, looming POV shots, hunky Graduate professor, escaped psychiatric patients, prophecy nightmares, and creepy a child. Yes, everything but actual horror. An hour into the horror movie and only one person has died. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. There is no point to this movie, unless you're a huge fan of the princess in Space Balls.

The Innkeepers - The second of Ti West’s two well-received horror originals before he set out for TV and found-footage anthologies, The Innkeepers may not get as much love as The House of the Devil, but should. The dual-leads (Sara Paxton and Pat Healy) are more fun to watch than Jocelin Donahue‘s performance and the tone more even-set throughout the film. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Innocents - Reportedly Martin Scorsese’s favorite horror movie, it’s easy to see how big of an impact it had on the genre (especially The Others) with sweeping camera angles, slow but still haunting pace, and remarkable sound design. Perhaps it’s not as well-received by modern viewers, but it’s no doubt a classic. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Intruder (1989) - An enjoyable slasher flick from long-time Sam Raimi collaborator Scott Spiegel that takes places in a grocery store after hours that doesn’t try to do too much or take itself too seriously and features some over-the-top gore. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. “I’m just crazy about this store!”

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956) - A terrific example of how to build paranoid fear. That its political allegory can be interpreted on both sides of McCarthyism makes it all the better. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Original ending, ftw.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) - A rare remake that’s almost as good as the original. Terrific use of San Fransisco as a setting, Goldblum Goldblum’ing it up, solid pacing—great film! 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Plus, nudity!

The Invitation - More of a tense drama until the final moments, this film deserves praise for holding viewers’ attention for so long before the horror tipping point. Further details could spoil the story, but like many tales in the genre the lesson here is always trust your gut. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Ugh, Californians.

It (2017) - Stephen King’s nearly 1,200 page 1986 national bestseller captures the attention of readers for a number of reason: it’s coming-of-age story is horrific even without supernatural elements, it’s cast of characters resemble classic American archetypes from many of King’s other works, and its adaptation into a four hour mini-series staring Tim Curry as Pennywise in 1990 has haunted the imaginations of children for decades. Unfortunately, like the mini-series, the movie fails to deliver the long, unsettling moments that make the novel so thrilling. King’s story is a cocaine-fueled disaster that throws everything and the kitchen sink at viewers when compressed onto the screen. The truly terrifying elements of the book lose their impact when delivered one after another without time to feel personally connected to each character. The genius of It is the paranormal evil’s ability to hone in on a person’s darkest fears. Without deep empathy for all of The Losers, the individualized psychological torture is muted when reduced to jump-cuts. For what it’s worth, the film does its best with a jumble of sub-plots and the Pennywise origin story, but as the tone bounces from wide shots of small town Maine and the painful trauma of abuse to titled zooms of CGI monsters and an over-the-top soundtrack, something is lost. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Publishing office, 1985: “So, wait. The kids fuck?” the editor asks, disgusted. King vacuums another white rail into his nasal cavity. “Huh?! Oh. Yeah, sure. I guess. Does that happen? Jesus, I’m so fucked up right now. What day is it? What were you saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s like, love is the opposite of fear, bridge to adulthood or something. Do you have any booze around here?”

It Comes At Night - More utterly depressing than terrifying and a reminder that the greatest horror we’ll likely ever face is simply the limits of our own humanity. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

It Follows - An uncomfortable and honest take on how sexuality is intertwined with the horror myth. One for the ages. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. The real terror is HPV. 

Jaws - A masterpiece that’s too easily remembered for its cultural impact than artist merit. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. R.I.P. Chrissie Watkins, you were a free spirit as wild as the wind.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer - Yorgos Lanthimos‘s follow up to The Lobster isn’t as well done, but the wide shots, odd lines, and increasingly bizzare build-up are all present. The finale is near perfect, but takes a bit too long to reach. I’d really like to give this film a higher score, but alas: 3 out of 5 pumpkins. There’s nothing wrong, yet something is missing.

Kiss of the Damned - There are handful of potential interesting scenes and the internal drama of a vampire family is a potentially the foundation for a good film. Despite this, Xan Cassavetes’s film never manages to actually be all that interesting. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. There’s nothing terrible here, but also nothing remarkable.

Knock Knock - Two hotties do my man Keanu dirty. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Eli Roth is a better actor than director.

The Lair of the White Worm - A campy demon flick from Altered States director Ken Russell. Staring Hugh Grant, Peter Capaldi, and Amanda Donohoe, the plot is loosely based on Bram Stroker’s last novel, which has a few similarities to H. P. Lovecraft's novella The Shadow Over Innsmouth, which was made into the Spanish film Dagon. Very British all around, a bit like Hot Fuzz meets Clue, this could have been played straight and potentially been scary, but Russell didn’t intend to be serious. A topless snake demon wearing a death strap-on to sacrafice a virgin can’t be taken as *cinema* after all. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Not great film by any stretch, but pretty fun!

Lake Mungo - Presented as a made-for-TV type of mystery documentary, this could have really turned out poorly. Despite some unnecessary plot additions, this movie really stuck with me. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Sadder than you might expect.

The Langoliers - Balki Bartokomous is the villain in this made-for-TV special. He is terrible and the rest of the cast is packed with 90s no-name actors and a child actor that might as well be the blind version of a kid Liz Lemon. You know how Stephen King writes himself into every. single. story? In this case it's not even as a plot device, it's just a character to fill space like an obvious oracle. In the book, the character tearing paper is a subtle, unsettling mannerism you assume happens quietly in the background, but because television writers treat their audiences like distracted five year-olds, this action becomes a reoccurring focus with no point or context. One of the best parts about the book was imagining the wide, empty space of the Denver airport. Of course, shutting down an entire airport would be expensive, so most of the interactions take place in a single terminal, which is just as boring as being stuck at the airport yourself. Two 1994-era Windows screen savers eat Balki at the end, then, like, all of reality, maaaaaaaan. The more I think about it, this story might have been the unconscious basis for a strong Salvia freak out I once had. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. Dear male, white writers, we all know that no one actually fucks writers in real life - that's why you're all so angry. Stop creating these protagonists equipped with impossible pussy-magnets. Stop. Staaaaaaaahp.

The Last House of the Left - Wes Craven’s debut isn’t much of a horror, but a revenge tale that contains no build up or sense of dread, but an immediate and unrelenting assault of its characters and the audience. It’s well-made, and the rape revenge tale is older than Titus Andronicus, but that doesn’t mean it’s something worth viewing. There’s no joy; it’s Pink Flamingos without the camp. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. No doubt impactful, but really best viewed as a piece of history with a critical eye and not for entertainment.

The Legend of Hell House - A well made haunted house film that holds up forty years later. Pamela Franklin, playing a medium, carries much of the movie. Her foil, the physicist, is a strange character. He apparently believes people, and even dead bodies, can manifest surreal, electromagnetic energies, but not in “surviving personalities.” Yet, he still orders this giant “reverse energy” machine to “drain” the house of its evil before they even set out to research house. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Dangerous diner parties, the insatiable Mrs. Barret, mirrored ceilings and kick ass Satan statues everywhere - this house seems pretty great, actually.

The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires - A blast to watch, but not truly great. Unfortunately, I’ve only seen the edited version (The 7 Brothers Meet Dracula) that mixes up the beginning for no real reason and wonder how much better the original cut might be. Still, vampires! Kung Fu! Peter Cushing! 3 out of 5 pumpkins.


Let the Right One In - Beautiful and terribly haunting. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Likely the best horror movie this generation will get.

Let Me In - Surprising good. Unnecessary, yes. But still good. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Fun fact: I once watched an *ahem* found copy of Matt Reeves‘s Dawn of the Planet of the Apes without the ape subtitles and thought it was a brave choice to make the audience sympathize with the common humanity among our species. I was also pretty high.

Life After Beth - Jeff Baena‘s horror comedy features a terrific Aubrey Plaza, but Dane DeHaan’s character leaves a lot to be desired. It seems like the film is trying to save something about life, love, and family, but never finds its voice. A fine, funny movie to watch on a rainy afternoon. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Lifeforce - Directed by Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) and written by Dan O'Bannon (Alien) is a film the suffers from “the disease of more.” The entire concept of space vampires is rad as hell, but a $25 million budget and a 70 mm production couldn’t save what ends up being a boring trod and a jumbled ending that somehow makes major city destruction tiring. Though, to be fair, this was well before Independence Day. Colin Wilson, author of the original source material, said it was the worst movie he has ever seen. I wouldn’t go that far, but during a special 70 mm screening, the theater host chastised the audience in advance to not make fun of the movie during the showing because it was “a great film.” Reader, it is not. But Mathilda May looks real good naked and there are a couple cool, gory shots. So, there’s that. I guess. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Patrick Stewart is in this for all of like 10 minutes, but is still listed as a main character.

The Lighthouse - From The Witch’s Robert Eggers, this film is objectively a great work of art. Brooding, stark, and compelling performances from Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson—all the elements add up into a unique and disturbing experience. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. All that said, in the same way I consider Death Spa a 2 pumpkin movie you should see, this is a 4 pumpkin movie you could probably skip. It’s not entertaining in the traditional sense, and likely not one you’d want to really ever see again. The Eggers brothers made something weirdly niche and it’s fine if it stays that way.

Little Evil - A serviceable comedy that isn’t all that scary or even gory, which is a disappointment considering Eli Craig’s Tucker & Dale vs. Evil was so good. There are a few nods to famous horror movies that make a handful of scene enjoyable, but otherwise it’s purely background material. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Little Monsters - A Hulu original that’s pretty fun, if ultimately standing on the shoulders of giants like George A. Romero and Edgar Wright. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

A Lizard in a Woman's Skin - Lucio Fulci’s erotic mystery starts out with groovy sex parties and hallucinations, but quickly gets dull in the middle with extended scenes of psychological assessment, only to wind up where we all started. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Lodge - A good exercise in isolation horror that, while a bit slow, ratchets up the tension and horror with each act. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Damn kids.

The Lost Boys - A fun, campy 80s vampire flick you’ve likely heard of or even seen. I get why it’s cemented in popular culture, but at the end of the day it’s a Joel Schumacher film with a silly plot. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Love Witch - Somewhere between earnest satire and homage, The Love Witch is a well-crafted throwback to 1960s schlock. Weaving in contemporary gender critique, the film is more than just a rehash of its sexual fore-bearers. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Mandy (2018) - Like watching a bad trip from afar, Beyond the Black Rainbow director Panos Cosmatos (son of the Tombstone director) pulls off a trippy, dreadful film that starts out with story that follows logic and consequence before giving over to the full weirdness of Nicholas Cage’s uniquely unhinged style of acting. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Jóhann Jóhannsson’s score is superb.

Midsommar - Though not as good as Aster’s Hereditary, Midsommar sticks with you longer. Eerie throughout and disturbing, but not frightening in the traditional sense, it’s no surprise this film seems to split viewers into devoted fans and downright haters. Florence Pugh’s performance is wonderful and the scenes of drugged-out dread are far better than what was attempted in Climax. Some critics have called the film muddled and shallow, and certainly the “Ugly American” character fits in the later, but I found it to be a remarkably clear vision compared to the jumbled ending of Hereditary. That said, it’s not a scary movie, it’s simply unnerving. Should a male director and writer be the one to tell this tale? Probably not. But it’s not wholly unredemptive. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. I first gave this film 3 pumpkins, but the more I think about it, the more it lingers. That counts for something. One more pumpkin to be exact.

Mimic - Without del Toro’s name attached, perhaps this movie wouldn’t be judged so harshly. Yet, though the shadowy, lingering shots he’s know for give a real sense of darkness to the picture, it’s a chore to sit through and is especially frustrating toward the end. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Mist - Watch the black and white version, which adds an ol’ timey feel to this Lovecraftian tale from Steven King and makes always-outdated CGI a bit more palpable. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Monster (2016) - From The Strangers Bryan Bertino, this monster movie that ties in a trouble mother/daughter relationship doesn’t ever overcome its limitations and poor character decisions that get protagonists in deeper trouble. Zoe Kazan does what she can to carry the role. Not bad, but not much below the surface. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Monsters (2010) - A slow-burn that relies on its actors to push the suspense of a road-trip-style plot, leaving the special effects for subtle and beautiful moments. Arguably more of a sci-fi thriller than a true horror flick, it’s still worth viewing if you’re looking for something spooky. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

mother! - Like many of Aronosky’s films, mother! is difficult to define by genre. Though not a typical haunted house film, the bloody, unsettling aspects make it more than a typical psychological thriller. Haunting in a similar fashion of Black Swan, yet broader in theme like The Fountain, this movie is challenging, disturbing and frustrating in the sense that, as a mere viewer, you’re left feeling like there’s something you’ll never fully understand despite being beaten over the head. An not-so-subtle allegory about love, death, creation, mankind, god, and the brutality women must endure, it’s a hideous reminder that, upon even the briefest reflection, life’s cosmic journey is macabre. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Ms. 45 - Ahead of its time, especially considering the unfortunate “rape revenge” sub-genre that seemed to cater to male fantasy than female empowerment. Still, it’s slow build and random scenes toward the finale leave it wanting. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Oh, the knife is a dick. I get it. 

Murder Party - A bit like Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, but for New York art kids. Even for being a horror comedy, there’s only like 20 minutes of horror, which is too bad as there’s material to mine instead of a prolonged rooftop chase scene. If this was a studio production, it’d probably just get 2 pumpkins, but given it’s $200k budget and at-the-time unknown cast, it’s a solid first feature for Jeremy Saulnier and Macon Blair, who went on to make some truly great films. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

National Lampoon’s Class Reunion - Flat out awful; neither a comedy nor a horror. Writer John Hughes claims he was fired from production, though that doesn’t hold much water considering he’s credited as “Girl with bag on head” and went on to write several other Lampoon movies. Director Michael Miller didn’t make another feature film for almost thirty years, which wasn’t long enough. 0 out of 5 pumpkins.

Near Dark - Kathryn Bigelow‘s sophomore film is hampered by its ultimate ending, but the story is original and well produced. Even Bill Paxton’s over-the-top performance is enjoyable. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Worst. Vampire. Ever.

The Neon Demon - A spiritual successor to Suspiria, this film from Drive director Nicolas Winding Refn is beautifully shot, but ultimately empty. While both Jena Malone and Keanu Reeves breathe life into their small roles, the cast of models rarely shine. The horrific ending goes a step too far without lingering long enough to truly shock. Though much better than the extremely similar Starry Eyes, it’s difficult to give this film a higher rating. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Worth watching for a couple standout scenes. 

Night of the Living Dead - Viewed today the film seems almost tame, but in 1968 it was lambasted for being too gorey and sparked calls for censorship. And to its credit, there wasn’t anything else like it at the time. Romero’s incredibly small budget, Duane Jones‘s great performance, and the film’s unintended symbolism make its success all the more impressive. Kudos to MoMA and The Film Foundation for restoring this important piece of cinema history. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. I argue this is a sci-fi film, if you think about it.

A Night to Dismember (The "Lost" Version) - This version appeared on YouTube in the summer of 2018, decades after it was originally filmed. The version that was released in 1989 on VHS, and later in 2001 on DVD, was entirely re-shot with adult film actress Samantha Fox after a disgruntled processing employee destroyed the original negatives. The re-shoot gave the released version of movie its “sexplotation” vibe that director Doris Wishman was know for producing, but he original version is more of a straight-forward psychotic slasher movie with only a scene of campy nudity and stars Diana Cummings, instead of Fox. Gone is the striptease, sex hallucinations, detective character, and asylum plot that were slapped together in the released version, leaving a still somewhat jumbled story of a young woman who goes on a killing spree after becoming possessed by her dead mother, who died in pregnancy, leaving her an orphan. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Poor Mary. Poor Vicki.

Nightmare on Elm Street - Why this movie sparked a generations-long series is almost as puzzling as how Children of the Corn pulled it off as well. The movie flat out ignores basic storytelling devices. Recalling the overall plot, you’re not even sure if the main character is better off alive or dead, given the horrifying reality she already exists within. Consider this: Her father is an authoritarian cop leading the world’s worse police force and her mother is a drunk, possessive vigilante arsonist. University doctors are so inept they focus solely on Colonial-era medicine to the point of ignoring a metaphysical phenomenon, believing teenage girls are attention-starved enough to smuggle hats embroidered with a dead child-killer’s name inside their vaginas to a sleep deprivation study. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. So much for the classics. At least this gave us the future gift of inspiring Home Alone-style defense antics.

Not of This Earth (1988) - This film, and I mean that artistically, was made because the director, Jim Wynorskin, bet he could remake the original on the same inflation-adjusted budget and schedule as the 1957 version by Roger Corman. Traci Lords makes her non-adult film debut and is a better actor than the rest of the cast combined. The gem isn’t so bad it’s good, it’s so godawful it’s incredible. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. I was looking for the trashiest horror movie on Netflix, and I believe I have found it.

One Cut of the Dead - Know as little as possible going into this one. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. It’s impossible to not enjoy this film.

One Dark Night - Starts out interesting, but quickly gets forgetable even with the central location of a haunted cemetery. Worth putting on the background. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Aaaaaadddaaaammmm Weeeeessssst.

The Others - Well-paced, nicely shot, superior acting by Nicole Kidman, ominous tone through out, great ending. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. One of my personal favorites.

Pan's Labyrinth - del Torro’s best work, combining the tinges of war dread and the fantastical elements that would go on to be a key part of his other films. Pale Man is one of the creepiest monsters to ever be captured on screen. Perhaps the biggest horror is that though you’ll cheer for the anarchists, the historical fact is that the Nationalists won and established a dictatorship for nearly forty years. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. No god, no country, no master.

The People Under the Stairs - When the main character of a horror movie would be better placed in a zany after-school sitcom, the entire story is bound to fail. Little did I know how far. Twin Peaks actors aside, the rest of the this movie is so convoluted and poorly explained that it made me hate Panic Room somewhat less. They can't all be winners. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. At the end of this movie, a house explodes and money rains down on poor, mostly black people. Thanks, Wes Craven!

Pet Sematary (2019) - Uninspiring, uneven, and mostly uneventful. 1 out of 5 pumpkins.

Poltergeist - If you haven't seen this Steven Speilberg produced & written, but not directed horror movie, it's worth a modern viewing. Original, yet tinged with all the classic elements of fear, this movie manages to tug on the heartstrings like a family-friendly drama while still being creepy as hell. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. The best, most expensive Holiday Inn commercial ever made.

Pontypool - Good, but not as great as hyped. Characters are introduced haphazardly and the explanation for the horror barely tries to make sense. Still, not bad for a movie with essentially three characters stuck in a single location. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Possession (1981) - Described by some die-hard horror fans as a “must see,” I guess I agree. It’s by no means a masterpiece, but it’s bizarre enough to take the time to check out. It’s a sort of Cold War psychological horror as if written by Clive Barker and directed by David Cronenberg. Of course that comparison is necessary for American readers, but Polish director Andrzej Żuławski is an art-house favorite, whose second film was banned by his home government, causing him to move to France. Often panned for “over acting,” Isabelle Adjani actually won best actress at Cannes in 1981. Though, you may find one particular scene as if Shelley Duvall is having a bad acid trip. Part of the appeal of seeing this film is the difficulty in finding a copy. The DVD is out of print, and the new Mondo Blu-ray is limited to 2,000 copies at $70 a piece. Good luck. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. If you’re looking for something weird and very European, seek it out.

Prometheus - Perhaps because Ridley Scott’s return the franchise was expected to be such a welcome refresher after the abysmal failures of others in the series, this one was a pretty big let down. Though there are some cool concepts and frightening scenes, there are anger-inducing plot mistakes and zero sympathetic characters. Michael Fassbender’s performance is terrific, yet not enjoy to be an enjoyable view. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Psycho - Not as great at The Birds, but still one of the best. The superb shots, painfully slow clean up of the first kill, it’s no wonder why the film is landmark for horror. Anthony Perkins is tremendous. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Remember when Gus Van Sant remade this shot-for-shot for literally no reason and lost $30 million? It’s like he has to make one really terrible bomb after each critical hit and then crawl back again.

Pumpkinhead - The production quality of this 80s horror flick is surprisingly high, especially the Henson-like monster. Long story short - asshole dude bro accidentally kills hick kid, hick father calls up demon to seek revenge. All in all, not a bad movie. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Given the title, the monster's head in this movie is shockingly not very pumpkin-like. Boo.

A Quiet Place - John Krasinski gets a lot of credit for playing a well-intentioned father, which is an easier bridge to his well-known character from The Office, rather than a military member, like in many of his other projects. Emily Blunt is wonderful as is Millicent Simmonds. The creatures are scary, reminiscent of The Demogorgon in Stranger Things, and the plot is decent, even without much of an ending. I’ll be honest, I didn’t really want to enjoy this film as much as I did. It seemed too “mainstream.” And, it is. But it’s also a well-executed, well-acted, well-produced product, which is much more difficult to pull off than it sounds. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Worth recommending to friends who aren’t even horror fans.

Rabid - No where near the level of Cronenberg’s best or even his subsequent film The Brood, but still very good. Apparently Cronenberg wanted Sissy Spacek to play the lead, but was shot down by the producers. Obviously Marilyn Chambers was selected to play up the porn star angle in the hopes of greater marketing for the indie, horror film out of Canada, but she does a great job in her first mainstream role. If you like any Cronenberg has done, you should watch this one. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Raw - A terrific coming-of-age, sexual-awakening, body-horror film that manages to retain its heart even as it pushes the limits. One of the best horror movies of the last decade. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Nom-nom.

Re-Animator - Creepy actor Jeffrey Combs is also in The Frighteners, which makes it a good nod in that flick. "Say hello to these, Michael!" When you see it, you'll get it. What can be said of this movie? It's crazy. It's great. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Gory, campy, funny and scary all at once, a definite classic.

Ready or Not - I wouldn’t go so far as to call this movie “clever,” but it’s certainly better than its absurd premise. Samara Weaving’s performance is really the only thing that keeps people watching. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Killing all the attractive help is played off as a joke, but . . . it’s not? At least rich people die.

Repulsion - After having to listen to her sister being drilled by some limey prick night after night in their shared apartment and a series of unwanted street advances triggers her past trauma, a young woman rightfully kills a stalker turned home intruder and her rapist landlord. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Return of The Living Dead  - This movie doesn’t give a wink and nod to horror tropes, it reaches out of the fourth wall to slap you in the face to create new ones. There’s an entire character that is just naked the whole movie. I understand that just because it’s a joke it doesn’t mean it’s not still sexist. But, also, you know, boobs. 4 out 5 pumpkins. What was created as camp became the foundation for modern zombies.

Return of the Living Dead III - A love story of sorts that takes a more series turn than the original. At first, I didn’t enjoy the uneven balance of camp and earnestness, but it oddly grows on you. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Worth watching to see what you think.

The Ritual - A Netflix original that is better than it needs to be about regret, trauma, and fear that gets right into the action and wraps fairly satisfying. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Rosemary's Baby - If you're looking for a sure party killer this October, put on this number and watch your guests fall asleep! Often forgot, the beginning and end of Rosemary's Baby are terrifying, expertly filmed scenes of dread, but the middle is a two-hour wink to the film's conclusion revolving around an expectant mother. Still, few other films can capture fear the way Polanski's does; all the more impressive that it stands up today. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. If you haven't seen this film, you owe it to yourself to watch it this season.

Scanners - Cronenberg’s 1981 film feels like a much more successful version of what De Palma attempted with The Fury. Dark, paranoid, and ultra-gory in key scenes, Scanners isn’t quite the perfect sci-fi horror, but it’s damn close. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Scream - For a movie that birthed an annoying amount of sequels and spoofs, it's sort of sad that Wes Craven's meta-parody ended up creating a culture of the very movies he was trying to rail against. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Worth watching again, even if you saw it last year.

Sea Fever - A good, but not great, tense thriller on sea. Plus, an important lesson in quarantine. Ultimately, it doesn’t go far enough to present its horror. A well-made, and even well-paced film with a limited cast and sparse special effects, though. There’s nothing explicitly “wrong” as the movie progresses, but a tighter script and bigger ratcheting of the horror could have made it a classic. The ending is kinda cheesy the more I think about it. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Could’ve used a sex scene with some impending doom is all I’m saying!

The Sentinel - I really wanted to love this one. Downstairs lesbians! Birthday parties for cats! Late 70s New York! Alas, its shaky plot and just baffling lack of appropriate cues make it mostly a jumbled mess only worth watching if that slow-burn 70s horror aesthetic is your thing. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Shallows - Mostly a vehicle for Blake Lively’s launch from TV to the big screen, this movies isn’t particularly good or bad. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. The shark has a powerful vendetta against Lively. What did she do?!

Shaun of the Dead - First in Three Flavours Cornetto, some of the jokes don’t land as well as they did in 2004, but still a great spin on the zombie genre with loads of laughs and a bit of heart. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Shining - The pinnacle of the form. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. "So why don't you start now and get the fuck outta here!" Harsh, but come on, Wendy kinda sucks.

Shivers - Cronenberg’s 1975 shocker flick is . . . fine. You certainly get to see how some of his body horror themes started. Cronenberg himself seems to see it as more of a film to watch to understand what not to do as a young director. If you’re a completist, definitely check it out. Otherwise just skip to 1977′s Rabid, if you’re looking for Cronenberg’s earlier work. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Not bad considering it was shot in two weeks.

Silent Night, Deadly Night - Whoo, boy. This one’s a ride. A decidedly anti-PC flick that caused calls for boycotts when it was first released, this movie is full of assault and uncomfortable situations. It’s also hilarious, gory, and worth watching in a large group. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Punish.

Sleepaway Camp - I must be missing something, because like Children of the Corn, I can’t understand why this movie became a cult-classic. A guy who openly talks about wanting to rape children is gruesomely maimed, so there’s that? I guess. A couple of these “kids” are definitely 34, while others are 14. Is this the basis for Wet Hot American Summer? I don’t know or care. 2 out 5 pumpkins. Just watch Friday the 13th.

Slither - Almost on the level of other spoofs, but with a few groan-worthy moments. Definitely one to watch if looking for something fun. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Not for the bug fearing.

The Slumber Party Massacre - Rita Mae Brown wrote this movie as a parody of the slasher genre that spawned so many Halloween copycats. It’s a bit unfortunate that we didn’t get her version. Author of pioneering lesbian novel Rubyfruit Jungle, Brown’s script was turned into a more straight-forward flick, giving the movie some baffling humor, like when one of the girls decides to eat the pizza from the dead delivery boy, and some untended humor, like the Sylvester Stallone issue of Playgirl. Lesbians undertones still prevail, as do lingering shots of gratuitous nudity, and enough phallic symbolism to write a paper about. All in all, a fun, albeit uneven movie with pretty decent dialogue. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Fun fact: Director Amy Holden Jones got her start as an assistant on Taxi Driver, passed on editing E.T. after Roger Corman offered to finance early filming for her directorial debut, and later went on to write Mystic Pizza, Beethoven, Indecent Proposal, and The Relic. Bonus fact: Playgirl was able to get nude photos of Stallone based on his first movie The Party at Kitty and Stud’s (aka The Italian Stallion), for which Stallone was reportedly paid $200 to star in during a period in his life when he was desperate and sleeping in a New York bus station.

The Slumber Party Massacre II - If the first movie was a knock-off of Halloween, this is a bizarre rip-off of The Nightmare on Elm Street with a rockabilly twist. It’s hard to tell if this is a parody or a sort of musical vehicle for the Driller Killer, who—to his credit—is somehow almost charismatic enough to it pull off. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. Somehow the weirdest movie I’ve ever watched.

The Slumber Party Massacre III - A return to form, in some respects. All the elements of the original are there: a slumber party, gratuitous nudity, a drill. But the driller killer’s poor-man’s Patrick Bateman character quickly becomes tired. Not terrible for a slasher flick, but not very good either. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. How many lamps to the head can Ken take? 

Species - If I asked you to name a movie staring Sir Benjamin Kingsley, Alfred Molina, Forest Whitaker and Michelle Williams, would you guess Species? No, no you fucking wouldn't. We all know Species, but I, like most, erased it from my memory. This was helpful for two reasons: first because for about the first half of the movie, you think there might be a decent flick happening - baring some obvious flaws of a blockbuster. Second because - holy shit - you get to see a ton of naked breasts in this movie, like way more than I remember. Unfortunately, about halfway through Species someone must have come in and realized having the B-squad Scully & Mulder be one step behind every instinct killing was boring as shit, and flashing tits every 20 mins wasn't going to hack it. Whatever Hollywood dickbag crafted this turd failed to realize the casting of the actor forever known as Bud from Kill Bill is the only white, macho-postering character that morons want to root for. And so we get a squint-faced protagonist getting blow jobs from a coworker scientist and an ending dumber than the boob tentacles he should have been strangled with. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. There are worse horror movies, but there are also much better ones.

Starry Eyes - A thinly-veiled critique on Hollywood’s abusive history with actresses, the movie starts out well, but lags in the third act before a gruesome finale. Sort of a low-rent Mulholland Drive. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Watch out for that barbell, Ashley. 

The Stuff - Odd, mostly because of its uneven tone. Like if The Blob, The Live, and Canadian Bacon raised a baby and that disappointed its parents, like all babies eventually do. There are some good horror and comedic moments, but none of which make it great. The sound editing is remarkably bad, and the poor cuts make no sense given its scope. Oh well. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Suspiria - More of a focus on set, sound, and color than characters, Suspiria is reminiscent of the Japanese classic House, but with a more straightforward story. The Italian director, English language, and German setting make for an interesting, offbeat feel that adds to the overall weirdness of the movie. One cringe worthy scene in particular makes up for its immediate lack of logic, and the soundtrack by Goblin stands up on its own. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Sexist note: there’s a shocking lack of boobs given the subject matter.

Suspiria (2018) - Another in a long line of unnecessary remakes, though technically more of an homage. Luca Guadagnino’s version was supposedly developed for years alongside Tilda Swinton, who plays three different characters. Truthfully, without any attachment to the original, this could have been a muddled, but remarkable film. Thom Yorke’s score is perfect in certain scenes, yet detracting in others. The plot is similar in this manner. Some scenes are haunting and dense, but others needlessly detailed. The dance scenes are terrific, but weighed down by the larger war themes. The ending’s gore-fest is hampered by too much CGI, but still demonically fun. Fans of the original won’t find the weird, colorful elements to love, but it’s a good movie, albeit thirty minutes too long. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Taking of Deborah Logan - Good premise; found footage in the vein of Blair Witch Project of a demon possession disguised as Alzheimer’s disease. But, the movie can’t decide if it wants to stick to its foundation of a student documentary or veer into the studio-style editing and affects of theatrical release. Which is unfortunate as the former would have made it stand-out among a pack of mediocre ghost stories, while the later distracts from the setting it seeks to establish. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Teeth - A movie about the myth of vagina dentata could have been absolutely deplorable, but with the bar so low, Teeth does a pretty good job. Jess Weixler is a functional actress, not necessarily stand-out, but certainly far better than the role requires. Trying to tightrope walk between comedy and horror is never a task a creator should set out upon without a clear vision. Unfortunately, this one seems a bit blurry. One its release, Boston Globe said the movie “runs on a kind of angry distrust toward boys.” Not bad advice. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Terrifier - Do you want to see a naked woman hung upside down and sawed from gash to forehead? Then this is the movie for you. That’s it. There’s not much else here. Gino Cafarelli is good as the pizza guy. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. The clown is scary, though.

The Terror - A classic haunted throwback from Roger Corman, but without the nudity and gore his later work is infamous for. A young Jack Nicholson proves he was always kind of a prick. Boris Karloff does his best. The plot is pretty boring, but it’s a decent movie that you might stumble upon on a lazy afternoon on cable TV. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Tobe Hooper’s 1974 persuasive argument for vegetarianism is just as terrifying today as it was when it was released. Just as Halloween launched a thousand imitators, the hues and low angles in this film set the standard for horror for years and, unfortunately, laid the groundwork for more exploitative movies offered referred to as “torture porn.” Though gory, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s sense of weird dread is established well before the chainsaw rips, and though many have tried to follow in its footsteps, none have captured the lighting that adds to the overall queasy moments of the film. There’s a kind of simplistic beauty to such unexplained brutality, and perhaps because it was first, all others since haven’t seemed as artistically valuable. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. So, umm, what do you think happened to the Black Maria truck driver?

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) - The only decent carry over from this remake is John Larroquette as the narrator. Over-washed tones, over-the-top gore and unsympathetic characters make this film more than unnecessary, placing among the worst horror remakes of all time. Robert Ebert gave it one of his rare 0 stars, reserved for works he found genuinely appalling such as I Spit On Your Grave, The Human Centipede 2, and most infamously John Waters’s Pink Flamingos. 1 out of 5 pumpkins.

They Live - “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… And I'm all out of bubblegum." 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Thing - Trying to give this film an honest review is almost impossible. Cast out on its release for being too bizarre and gory, Carpenter’s nihilist tale has since come to be seen as a masterpiece for its special effects, bleak tone, and lasting impact on other creators. Is it perfect? No, but it’s damn close. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. MacReady’s assimilated. Deal with it.

Train to Busan - A bit too predictable, but a solid, well-paced zombie action flick that’s smarter than most American blockbusters from Korean director Yeon Sang-ho, who is better known for his semi-autobiographical animated features. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil - I really didn't expect much out of this movie, but it's actually really, really funny and a really gory spoof. Not quite on the scale of The Cabin in the Woods, but still pretty damn great. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. If you don't think people getting hacked up by a chainsaw in certain contexts can be funny, then this probably ain't your bag.

Twins of Evil - An enjoyable, somewhat smutty vampire movie from the famous British studio Hammer Films, staring Peter Cushing and Playboy Playmates the Collinson twins. Directed by John Hough, who also directed The Legend of Hell House, the film doesn’t break any new ground and is loaded with over-acting, but it’s well-paced, wonderfully set, and generally fun to watch, where the Puritan witchfinders are just as horrible as the vampires. Not as great as Black Sunday, but still worth viewing. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Let Joachim speak, you racists.

Under the Skin - Mesmerizing and haunting. The less you know going into this film the better. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Quite possibly Scarlett Johansson’s best work.

Under the Silver Lake - Technically a “comedic neo-noir,” whatever the fuck that means; in any case David Robert Mitchell (It Follows) tries to do too much over too long of a run time. Andrew Garfield gives a decent performance, especially considering he’s in almost every frame of the film. But the edge-of-subtly that made It Follows so modern and terrifying is replaced by a silk, wandering, and heavy-handed stroll through the powerful Los Angeles entertainment Illuminati. Certainly there’s material there, but instead of being a radical stab at the very real institutions of pop-culture that treat young women as nothing more than disposable meat, we drift in and out of a young man’s lust that revels in objectification without the sleazy charm of exploitation flicks or the critical eye of outright satire. Even the eerily presence of the Owl Woman can’t level-up what is an exercise in arrested development for hipsters. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Despite this negative review, Mitchell still has plenty of potential to make another great film. Whether he deserves that chance is different question.

Us - Jordan Peele’s second film is even better than his great debut. Us isn’t perfect, but hints at what Peele could create in the future. Unnecessary explanation and slightly oddly timed humor are present, like in Get Out, but more restrained. Peele’s talent for making modern horror accessible to the widest audience is laudable. Still, I can’t wait to see what he makes two or three films down the road. I suspect more than one could come close to equaling that of Kubrik’s The Shinning. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. 

Vampire’s Kiss - Is it a horror? Is it a comedy? Is it a parody? Drama? This movie truly defies genre due to the inexplicable acting choices made by Nicholas Cage. His odd affectation doesn’t change from sentence to sentence, but word to word. It’s like he’s trying to play three different characters across three different acts all at once. Is it good? Not really. But, I mean, see it. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Vampyros Lesbos - After vigorous encouragement from my academic colleagues, I decided to watch this 1971 Spanish-German film for, umm, science. Shot in Turkey and staring the tragic Soledad Miranda, Jesús Franco’s softcore horror jumps right into full-frontal nudity and attempts a sort of story involving Count Dracula that moves forward through uninteresting monologues and shaky camera work. It’s not awful, but there’s no reason to watch it. If it was playing in the background at a dive bar, it might have a tinge of charm. Other than some close moments of near-unapologetic queer sex, despite being created almost entirely for the male gaze, it’s just another in the pile of European exploitation. Still, it’s fun to daydream about Istanbul being ruled by a dark-haired demonic lesbian; beats the hell out of what we have in our reality. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. Fun fact: The soundtrack found renewed fame in 1990′s Britain, causing it to finally find distribution into America.

The Vault - A serviceable, but ultimately boring horror take on a bank heist that tries to hard to end with a twist. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

V/H/S - Every review I've seen for this movie is generally positive, but that only reaffirms my belief that most people are easily pleased by unintelligent, unoriginal bullshit. A Blair Witch-style story-within-a-story collection of shorts, I couldn't get past the first borderline date-rape, little-girl, sexually confused, monster story. Fuck this trope. Fuck this movie. The much delayed glorification of grisly murder of the offending male villains is hardly radical and only further supports the stereotypes of patriarchy much as it attempts to subvert a worn genre. 0 out of 5 pumpkins. I hate the world.

Videodrome - Cronenberg’s best film. James Woods’s best role; it’s a shame that he’s total piece of shit in real life. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Long live the new flesh.

The Wailing - Despite clocking in at over two and half hours, this part zombie/part demon horror movie from Korean director Na Hong-jin isn’t a slow burn, but rather an intriguing maze of twists and turns as the main character (and audience) struggles to find the truth about a mysterious, murderous diseases sweeping through a small village. Actor Do-won Kwak gives an especially captivating performance. Though the ending packs a powerful punch, the overlapping lies and half-truths told over the course of the film makes it a bit difficult to suss out the evil roots. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

We Are Still Here - What sets out as a slowly paced ghost story turns into something of a gore-fest towards the ends, which doesn’t make it bad so much out of place. 3 out fo 5 pumpkins. Could’ve been a contender.

We Are What We Are - A remake of Jorge Michel Grau’s 2010 film, the American version takes its time getting to the horror before going a step too far at the end. Still, the ever-present knowledge that you’re watching a cannibal film makes some of predictable moments all-the-more horrifying. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare - The novel charm of Craven’s meta Freddy saga has worn with age. Heather Langernkamp is passable, but not enough to carry the film and Robert Englund out of makeup shatters the pure evil illusion of his character. Interesting to see some of the ideas that would later synthesize in Scream, but otherwise kind of a bore. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Witch: A New-England Folktale - A deeply unsettling period-piece that reflects on American religion and its violent fear of feminine power. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Trust no goat.

The Witches - Roald Dahl’s story is ultimately crushed by a changed ending, however, Nicolas Roeg‘s adaptation up to that point is a fun, creepy movie people of any age can enjoy. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. It’s really a shame the original ending was changed.

Wolfcop - When a movie’s title promises so much, maybe it’s not fair to judge. But there’s so much campy potential in a werewolf cop picture that it’s kind of a bummer to see it executed at level that makes you wonder if it wasn’t made by high school kids whose favorite movie is Super Troopers. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. God, the movie’s horrible.

The World’s End - The final chapter in the Three Flavours Cornetto and the best, showcasing a wealth of talent at the top of their game. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

XX - Admittedly, I don’t care much for the recent spring of short horror anthologies. Rarely do they have enough time to build the necessary suspense horror movies require. Still, two of the shorts are OK, one is pretty good, and one is bad. So, not a total loss. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

You’re Next - Home-invasion horror as never been my cup of hippie tea as it feeds into the 2nd Amendment hero fantasy of American males. That said, this dark-comedy take on it isn't bad. Some things don’t really add up. For example: Are you telling me that the deep woods home of a former defense corporation employee doesn’t have a single gun stashed somewhere? Bullshit. Anyway, who doesn’t want to see a rich family’s bickering dinner interrupted by a gang of psycho killers? 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Bonus rating: 6 out of 10 would fuck in front of their dead mother. (Sorry, mom.)

Zombeavers - No one would say this is a good movie, but it also doesn’t take itself too seriously. Not at funny as Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, and certainly more formulaic, this one’s only worth watching if you’re bored. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Zombi 2 - Lucio Fulci’s unofficial sequel to Dawn of the Dead is one of his best films. But even though Fulci crafted some of the best zombies to ever appear on screen—filmed in the bright, Caribbean sun, the film suffers, as most of his do, from some unnecessary, borderline confusing plot points and poor dubbing. Still, well worth watching on a lazy day, especially for the final act, when the protaganists fight off a zombie hoard inside a burning church. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Bonus: topless scuba diving zombie shark fight, which is also my new DJ name.

[morkhan]

Will Byers is Gay: The Evidence So Far

With the release of Stranger Things 3, there has been a lot of discussion kicked up about the character of Will Byers and his sexuality (or lack thereof). I've seen a lot of takes about what "it's not my fault you don't like girls" was intended to mean, many of which seem to take it in isolation, so I wanted to make a post putting it into what I think is its proper context; not an isolated incident, but the latest carriage in veritable train of queer themed language and imagery that has followed Will Byers since episode one of season one, and before that. You ready? Alright, let's go.

Season Zero: the Montauk Files

Before Stranger Things became Stranger Things, it was called Montauk. Like many would-be show makers, the Duffer Bros put together a "show bible" describing the premise, setting, tone, and characters of the show they intended to make. Like many shows, a lot of these ideas changed or were lost on their way to the screen, but it's always worth looking into their original concepts. Here is their description of Will Byers in the Montauk show bible:

Obviously, the major whammy there is in the first line "sexual identity issues." But there are some other interesting notes, like his "colorful clothes" that you might want to keep a lookout for on your next rewatch. Now, onto...

Season 1

The thing to pay attention to regarding Will in season 1 is in the language used to refer to him when he is not present (which he isn't for most of the season).

Episode 1: the subject of bullying comes up right away in the conversation between Joyce and Hopper. "The kids, they're mean. They laugh at him, laugh at his clothes, call him names." "What's wrong with his clothes?" "I don't know!" This harkens back to the Montauk show bible, but it's arguable, since it's never made clear what about his clothes draws ire.

She also mentions that he is "sensitive," "not like most," and that his dad said he was "queer" and called him a "fag." Hopper asks "is he?" to which she replies "He's missing is what he is!"

Episode 3: Troy says he's not missing, he's dead. "Probably killed by some other queer."

Episode 4: Troy, again "Will's in fairyland, flying around with all the other little fairies, all happy and gay."

Sensitive, queer, fag, fairy, and gay are all used to describe Will in season 1, but perhaps more notable is the fact that they aren't used to describe anyone else. If the show were truly period accurate, let's be real; the whole party would've been called queers on a pretty regular basis, because "queer" doubled as a generic insult back then. But in season 1, these words are only ever used in relation to Will, with one exception; in episode 6, Steve says to Will's brother, "I used to think you were queer." So it's not even an active accusation in that moment; it's used in the negative.

Hell, Troy walked up to Lucas mockingly proposing to Mike and proclaiming his love for him, and he still didn't call them queers. That language is reserved for Will.

Now granted, most of these are used as insults by characters who don't like Will, but still; as a writer, if you want your audience to remember something, repetition is an excellent way to embed it in their minds. There's a reason for the specificity of language surrounding Will, and a reason that language keeps coming up over and over and over again.

Season 2

Season 2 retires much of the homophobic language used to insult Will, replacing it with "Zombie Boy." The only homophobic language used in season 2 is the word "faggot," used by Billy's father to refer to Billy, who expresses a clear interest in women (and an arguable interest in one particular man, but that's the subject of another post).

Still, there is an arguable bit of queer theming in Will's conversation with Jonathan regarding the benefits of being a "freak" and how normal people never accomplish anything. Jonathan even invokes bisexual icon David Bowie to make Will feel better about his "freakishness."

The clearest piece of queer theming for Will in season 2 comes in episode 8, in this beautiful speech from Joyce to Possessed Will:

"When you turned eight, I gave you that huge box of crayons, do you remember that? It was 120 colors. And all your friends got you Star Wars toys, but all you wanted to do was draw with all your new colors. And you drew this big spaceship, but it wasn't from a movie. It was YOUR spaceship; a RAINBOW Ship, that's what you called it. And you, you must have used every color in the box. I took that with me to Melvald's, and I put it up. I told everyone who came in, 'My son drew this.' And you were so embarrassed, but I was so proud. I was so, so proud."

This is one of the most powerful memories of her son that Joyce has, an image so strong and distinct that she uses it to invoke his true identity against the monster that is slowly subsuming him. She notes very specifically that it's not something he copied, but something that came entirely from Will himself, an image that she felt represented him so perfectly that she took it with her to work and proudly touted it as his to everyone she knew. The Rainbow Ship is Joyce's picture of her son's very heart, and surely I don't need to explain to you how powerful a piece of queer imagery the rainbow is.

Some subtextual stuff; in episode 9, when the girl asks Will to dance, he stammers "I... I don't..." and only goes to dance with her when Mike literally pushes him towards her.

During the final montage, the scene cuts to different characters in time with appropriate lines from the song: "every move you make" cuts to Mike and El (as he is teaching her to dance), "every vow you break" cuts to Nancy dancing with Dustin (as she technically cheated on Steve with Jonathan), "I'll be watching you" cuts to Lucas dancing with Max (as she has playfully called him 'stalker' all season). What line cuts to Will? "Every smile you fake," specifically on the word fake, while Will dances with a girl wearing this expression:

That is not a real smile, that is not a comfortable boy, and that is not an accident; Noah Schnapp is one of the best actors in the entire show, and of the young boys, he is the one the Duffers trust most to do dramatic heavy lifting.

Do you want it to be a little more explicit? Okay, here is that scene in the script:

I mean, that pretty much speaks for itself. It's less explicit in the actual show, but it's still there, you know?

Season 3

And now, the biggest and most explicit thing to date; The Scene. I mean, you could discuss the obvious subtext in the simple fact that Will is the only male main character who has yet to find a girlfriend or express any interest in girls whatsoever, but that pales in comparison to The Scene.

The setup for The Scene is pretty simple; after declaring "a day free of girls" in order to get his friends to run the D&D campaign he's probably spent a significant amount of time creating, his friends have blown him off to continue bemoaning their girl troubles, so Will has decided to leave. Mike, realizing too late that he has genuinely upset his friend, chases after him to try and get him to come back.

A back-and-forth argument ensues, where Will accuses Mike of ruining the party and abandoning his friends in favor of girls, and Mike, in the heat of the moment, responds with "It's not my fault you don't like girls!" After which, everything stops. There is a full second of silence, and a close up on Noah Schnapp's face so you can take in his reaction.

There is a lot to unpack here. Now, acting is up to interpretation to a degree, but to me, that expression conveys two primary emotions; shock, and betrayal. That face says "how could you?" Because here's the thing; regardless of what Mike does or doesn't know about Will's sexuality, Mike knows for a fact that Will has been called a queer all his life by everyone from his school bullies to his own fucking dirtbag father. By invoking even the specter of that, Mike has crossed a fucking line, and he knows it. And we know he knows it, because he immediately backtracks and tries to mitigate the damage. But it's too late. The damage has been done.

I also think there is a tinge of fear in that image. Just a moment of soul raking panic that pretty much every closeted queer person knows intimately. It's very brief. But I think it's there, if you look.

This scene sends Will into an emotional tailspin that culminates in him tearing down the literal last bastion of his childhood in a fit of sorrow and rage. His innocence has been destroyed. He cannot regain what he has lost, and he can never go back to the way things were before. This is the emotional climax of his arc for season three. It's a powerful one-- shame it comes in the third of eight episodes, but that's neither here nor there.

And that's pretty much it for now. Any one of these things taken in isolation could be very easily dismissed, but here's the thing; they aren't isolated incidents. They are part of a clear and consistent pattern, one that goes all the way back to the show's inception, before even one minute of footage was filmed. And this pattern points to one very obvious conclusion; the Duffer Brothers have always intended, and continue to intend, for Will Byers to be gay.

Now, for the obvious question; why haven't they made it explicit yet?

The answer is as unfortunate as it is obvious; I don't know.

It's entirely possible that there is some external force that the Duffers have to answer to that is preventing them from actively pursuing this particular storyline. This happens all the time in Hollywood, and it could be anything from Netflix to Noah Schnapp's parents to Noah Schnapp himself just being uncomfortable with it. Many are the creators who dream Big Gay Dreams only to run into the horrors of our Forced Hetero Reality. If the Duffers ultimately submit to these pressures, I hope you won't be too hard on them. This shit is harder than you think to get to the screen sometimes.

But it's also possible that they just aren't ready for it yet. That they have been saving this for a future storyline, that they just want their characters (and the actors) to get a little older before they pursue this particular storyline explicitly, but they've been busily laying groundwork for it so that anyone paying attention will know it's coming.

I don't know. Only time will tell for sure.

For now, I can tell you this; I see a great deal of evidence that the Duffers still intend for Will to be gay, and precisely zero that they have changed their minds.

I hope that holds true.

[stoncs]

ay  buddies  what  is  up  !  i’m  tay  ,  n  i’m  here  to  reintroduce  you  to  my  emotional  support  bag  of  trash  ,  stone  .  we  were  here  a  minute  ago  ,  but  now  that  i  have  a  job  w  pretty  good  hours  i  thought  ...  huh  ,  isnt  it  time  for  stone  to  be  a  scumbag  again  ?  anyhow  ,  i’m  from  the  gmt-3  tmz  i  think  ,  maybe  .  i  go  by  feminine  pronouns  ,  n  it’s  hot  as  balls  in  this  wonderful  brazilian  weather  so  yall  can  catch  me  ugly  sweating  over  here  anytime  !  so  down  below  u  can  find  a  whole  ass  intro  abt  this  douchenozzle  ,   n  if  u  smash  the  gd  like  button  i  will  hit  u  up  for  some  plots !

𝐈.  𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋  :  

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄  :  stone  louis  liberman

𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄  :  stoney 

𝐀𝐆𝐄  :  twenty  five  

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  /  𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒  :  cismale  /  he & him

𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘  :  bisexual  ,  biromantic

𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍  :  part  time  professional  photographer

𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘  :  charles  liberman  &  elena  hardwell

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑  𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐎  :  scott  disick  ,  jean  ralphio  saperstein  ,  chuck  bass  (  ish  )  .

𝐈𝐈.  𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘

stone  was  born  into  what  is  considered  hollywood  royalty  .  kind  of  like  brangelina  (  pre  breakup  )  ,  or  richard  burton  &  liz  taylor  ,  or  kim  &  k*nye  (  just  kidding  )  .  but  yes  ,  they  were  both  really  famous  actors  who  were  both  in  commited  relationships  when  they  first  met  on  a  movie  set  and  fell  in  mad  love  with  each  other  .  by  the  time  the  movie  had  premiered  they  were  already  secretly  married  and  just  the  most  talked  about  topic  in  the  movie  industry  .

AND  they  lived  happily  ever  after  .  just  kidding  ,  mr.  liberman  died  in  a  car  crash  when  stone  was  ten  years  old  ,  and  his  loss  really  broke  his  mother  .  she  grieved  the  best  way  she  knew  how  :  by  drinking  a  lot  and  getting  remarried  less  than  a  year  after  losing  her  husband  .  and  then  getting  remarried  5  more  times  after  that  . stone  actually  gets  along  really  well  with  most  of  his  mom’s  ex-husbands  ,  and  is  still  friends  with  some  of  them  even  after  elena  eventually  ditches  them  .  stone  also  claims  not  to  remember  his  dad  ,  but  actually  does  and  really  misses  him  and  the  family  they  were  specially  .

in  regards  of  family  ,  his  dad  had  2  kids  before  marrying  his  mom  ,  and  his  mom  had  one  after  losing  his  dad  so  he  has  plenty  of  siblings  .  he  isn’t  particularly  close  to  them  since  they  never  saw  much  of  each  other  growing  up  ,  but  he  is  very  close  to  his  little  sister  ,  who’s  13  and  just  as  chaotic  as  he  is  but  definitely  a  lot  smarter  .  he  loves  her  to  pieces  even  though  sometimes  he  thinks  she’s  satan  hiding  inside  a  teenage  girl’s  body  .

okay  ,  so  ,  as  previously  mentioned  ,  stone  views  life  in  a  ‘before  dad  &  after  dad’  kinda  way  ,  in  regards  that  childhood  before  his  father  died  was  amazing  ,  they  were  always  travelling  and  going  to  cool  spots  and  having  fun  .  his  mom  was  awesome  &  he  loved  his  dad  to  pieces  and  he  never  had  to  go  to  school  .  life  was  like  ,  perfect  .  and  then  his  dad  died  and  his  mother  was  such  a  mess  .  she  was  having  such  a  hard  time  dealing  with  losing  him  that  she  honestly  couldn’t  give  stone  the  affection  and  structure  he  needed  ,  so  he  was  mostly  left  behind  in  the  chicago  house  with  babysitters  and  homeschool  teachers  while  his  mom  was  off  working  and  getting  married  .  he  doesn’t  really  hold  a  grudge  or  anything  ,  but  he’s  definitely  not  as  close  to  his  mom  because  of  it  ,  it’s  like  he  can’t  really  connect  with  her  anymore  .

stone  never  went  to  college  ,  his  mom  had  to  actually  pay  for  his  high  school  diploma  because  she  didn’t  want  him  to  be  a  dropout  ,  and  stone  spent  most  of  his  life  with  zero  life  prospects  ,  all  he  did  for  a  while  was  spend  his  parent’s  money  and  get  super  fucked  up  .  that  being  said  ,  he’s  really  shaped  up  the  last  couple  of  years  &  ran  with  the  passion  he  had  for  photography  .  he’s  quite  a  bit  more  serious  about  it  than  most  people  know  ,  and  has  shot  big  pieces  for  mags  like  time  and  rolling  stone  ,  but  he  doesn’t  really  want  anyone  creating  expectations  about  him  so  he  usually  keeps  quiet  .  ALSO  because  he’s  having  sex  with  a  bunch  of  models  who  he  definitely  shouldn’t  be  associating  with  ,  so  he  likes  to  keep  a  low  profile  .

growing  up  and  to  this  day  ,  stone  never  minded  the  attention  he  got  from  being  a  hollywood  baby  .  he  just  was  never  bothered  by  it  ,  and  even  like  makes  it  a  game  to  see  how  many  paps  he  can  gather  by  going  out  to  get  groceries  or  to  some  fancy  sushi  place  all  the  celebs  are  going  to  .  he’s  basically  an  attention  wh*re  ,  we  hate  him  .

ALSO  he  is  a  daddy  !  literally  has  a  five  year  old  son  who’s  called  bodhi  .  there’s  a  lot  of  drama  with  his  mother  so  he  doesn’t  get  to  see  him  very  often  ,  but  he  loves  bodhi  very  much  and  is  a  pretty  good  dad  ?  not  the  best  ,  but  he  tries  really  hard  to  be  good  actually  .

𝐈𝐈𝐈.  𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

stone  is  generally  a  great  person  to  be  around  if  you’re  looking  for  a  good  time  ,  he’s  always  up  to  something  fun  and  anything  you  wanna  do  that  most  people  would  consider  crazy  ,  stone  is  the  guy  that  will  say  hell  yea  and  not  think  twice  to  do  it  with  you  .  he  loves  to  be  surrounded  by  people  and  is  just  a  party  animal  .

he’s  also  super  chill  .  crazy  chill  .  too  chill  .  nothing  gets  him  mad  ,  like  ,  nothing  .  usually  that  annoying  dude  who  will  tell  you  to  calm  down  when  you’re  arguing  and  make  you  wanna  choke  him  .  the  least  threatening  dude  you  will  ever  meet  .

just  a  cool  dude  to  have  around  overall  ,  like  people  are  always  having  fun  when  they’re  around  him  .

but  ...  has  NO  moral  compass  ,  not  even  a  single  ounce  of  it  .  he  is  the  most  opportunistic  person  .  will  100%  do  whatever  it  takes  to  get  things  to  go  his  way  ,  and  has  no  concern  about  how  his  actions  affect  others  .  he  usually  thinks  since  nothing  bothers  him  ,  he  can  do  whatever  he  wants  to  everyone  else  and  no  one  will  mind  .

kinda  a  nice  douchebag  ?  he’s  really  charming  and  nice  and  cool  but  will  probably  screw  you  over  at  least  once  in  your  life  ,  maybe  more  if  you  let  him  ngl  .

𝐈𝐕.  𝐅𝐔𝐍  𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒

is  a vegetarian  !  tried  to  go  vegan  once  but  he  really  likes  chocolate  milk  and  gave  up  .

speaks  very  slowly  ,  says  ‘i mean’  ,  and  ‘uh’  ,  a  lot  .  you’ve  probably  asked  him  to  talk  a  little  faster  once  or  twice  .

is  named  stone  because  he  was  conceived  at  a  rolling  stones  concert  .  shout  out  to  mick  jagger  .  his  mom  always  tells  him  that  and  he  is  traumatized  by  it  .

does  a  LOT  of  drugs  ,  if  he  ever  zones  out  feel  free  to  assume  he’s  tripping  about  purple  crocodiles  or  something  freaky  .

is  6  foot  tall  and  very  clumsy  about  it  !  

was  actually  born  in  greece .

𝐕.  𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐃  𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 

best  friend  :  someone  who’s  been  there  for  stone  through  pretty  much  everything  and  vice  versa  ,  knows  all  his  fuckups  and  either  tries  to  get  him  to  become  a  better  human  being  or  just  fucks  up  right  along  with  him  .    

half  sibling  :  they’re  kinda  awkward  in  that  …  cousins  at  family  get  together  type  of  way  ?  stone  doesn’t  particularly  see  this  person  as  his  actual  sibling  and  they  neither  love  nor  hate  each  other  ,  it’s  just  rly  awkward  .

skinny  love  :  they’re  like  …  the  relationship  that  never  was  ?  they  both  cared  about  one  another  ,  but  for  some  reason  didn’t  end  up  together  so  now  ….  weirdness  happens  ?  they  dont  really  know  where  they  stand  with  one  another  n  might  still  care  but  it  doesn’t  seem  like  it’s  gonna  happen  .

exes  on  good  or  bad  terms  :  like  previously  mentioned  ...  stone  is  kinda  an  asshole  ,  so  his  relationships  mostly  end  up  not  in  the  best  way  possible  ?  that  being  said  ,  he  can  sometimes  be  decent  ,  so  maybe  there  could  be  relationships  that  end  up  in  a  generally  positive  note  ?  possibly  .

CHEATING  PLOTS  :  honestly  stone  might  be  the  king  of  cheating  ?  he  just  doesn’t  care  ?  he’s  such  an  asshole  .  this  doesn’t  even  have  to  be  romantic  either  ?  he  could  have  hooked  up  with  someone  his  friend  liked  or  someone’s  MOM  ,  like  .  he  just  cheats  everyone  on  everything  all the  time  . 

first  love  :  the  person  who  he  thought  was  going  to  give  him  the  romance  that  his  mom and  dad  had  ,  could  have  ended  on  good  or  bad  terms  but  he  always  holds  a  special  place  in  his  heart  for  them  . 

flings  or  fwbs  :  he  probably  has  plenty  of  those  because  stone  is  at  a  phase  in  life  where  he  doesnt  really  believe  in  monogamy ?  i’m  serious  i  hate  him  .  he  probably  has  a  bunch  of  flings  and  not  gonna  lie  ,  he  could  be  stringing  some  of  them  along  just  because  i  love  me  some  drama  .

platonic  siblingish  friendship  :  someone  he  doesn’t  even  think  about  being   with  .  probably  someone  he  kind  of  sees  like  a  sibling  and  is  just  really  protective  about  . 

party  pals  :  they  don’t  really  have  much  in  common  ,  but  they  have  a  great  time  whenever  there  are  parties  and  fun  adventures  around  .

bad  blood  :  stone  doesn’t  really  hate  anyone  ,  but  there  are  definitely  people  he’s  uncomfortable  around  or  who’s  presence  he’s  really  not  fond  of  ?  possibly  a  lot  of  cold  shouldering  and  some  snarky  remarks  ,  nothing  to  extreme  though  .

okay  so  i  feel  like  this  ran  a  little  long  .  it  probably  did  .  a  lot  of  it  was  recycled  from  my  old  intro  but  yall  still  wouldnt  believe  how  long  that  took  me  .  so  like  this  if  u  hate  stone  &  lets  plot  !  

[sridisha]

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[bigskydreaming]

thoughts on the cw the lost boys recastings?

Not really? LOL I mean I had to google lost boys recasting because I’ve gotten a couple asks about it this week but this was the first one that mentioned recasting, and I had had no idea why all of a sudden ppl were asking about it again, so...*shrugs* 

So I guess the CW didn’t like the pilot that was shot and they released all the cast from their contracts except for two of the lesser known names. I mean sure, I’m kinda bummed that we won’t get Posey playing a vampire in a campy CW show that’ll likely be at least as terrible as TW if not worse, lolol, but that’s literally about as high as my expectations ever went? I’m sure he’ll land something else soon enough.

I know people are always looking to make a big deal about this sort of thing, and so anyone’s free to believe me or not or assume I’m biased because of what a huge Posey stan I obviously am, but tbh....its really not that big a deal. This sort of thing happens all the time, its just nobody outside the industry really pays attention except when its involving a specific project or show they’re interested in, or an actor, so it seems less common from that perspective than it actually is, but like...honestly, this kinda thing happens at least once a pilot season, if not more.

Like literally all that happened, far as I can tell, is the CW passed on the pilot. That’s it. That happens allllllll the time, with something like 70% of the pilots shot every pilot season never seeing the light of day. That’s actually a conservative estimate.

The only thing that’s different from the rest of that 70% here, that puts this in the ‘usually only happens once or twice a pilot season,’ is that the CW didn’t scrap the whole project, and are looking to recast. Usually when that happens, its for one of two reasons: its a passion project for someone hide up on the food chain like one of the executive bigwigs, or else their option on the IP is about to expire and they either are afraid they won’t be able to re-up on it because someone else is looking to horn in, or they don’t want to waste their investment in the project so far but still don’t want to commit for yet another year with nothing to show for it either.

We’re talking about Lost Boys here, so my guess is it could be either, or even more likely, a combination of both. It’s a cult classic with a sizable following and big footprint in the vampire genre. I’m sure there are always people looking to snatch the option for it up the second it becomes available again. The CW’s had this project in development hell for a number of years from what I can see, ever since Rob Thomas first wanted to do something with it for them, and that means the option’s been tied up for years and this is the first time they’ve even gone all the way to pilot with it. 

So if they still can’t make it to air with a new pilot and pass on that too, they’ll have to go back to whoever holds the IP rights for the movie and try and re-up again for another year (idk who that is, could be Schumacher, could be the studio that produced the movie, it depends). And if they’ve already had the option tied up for this many years, I guarantee the second word got out that the CW had passed on their pilot, people started making calls and making sure the source option holder knew they were interested, should the option become available again. Which means the holder of the original IP rights now has additional leverage to make the CW pay a higher price to re-up, or else they’ll take their option elsewhere, to the many others who are interested. 

And trust me, the CW doesn’t want that. Because then they’ll have to decide if they want to let it go, despite all the money sunk into it over the years already.....or if they want to hang on to it, pay even more than usual to re-up, in addition to the money they dropped this year on one, possibly even two pilots. I’m sure at least some of the people in the decision-making chain at the CW are fans of the original movie, given the nature of most of the shows the CW greenlights, so its pretty much a given that some of them really WANT to see something come out of this option, but sooner or later every studio has to cut their losses and walk away, and I suspect from not just them going back to the drawing board, but going back this late in the year, that there’s a degree of urgency to this that you don’t see most years, meaning they’re probably on the brink of having to make that call. If they pass on this second pilot, whenever they reshoot, I wouldn’t be surprised if they then go ahead and let their option expire next year.

As for everyone but two actors being recast.......okay, so look, this is part of where the whole ‘there are reasons I don’t really ‘stan’ for actors the way most people on social media do’ thing I’m always going on about, lol. Yeah a large part of that has to do with having worked with so many actors the shine has worn off and I’m very aware they’re just people no different from anyone you work with, and you’d find it very odd to stan for a random coworker of yours, I’d imagine. But another part of it is just.....my perspective on the industry and actors is from a very different angle from most peoples’, so a lot of the times I’m just kinda....bwuh, at the things people make a big deal out of, if that makes sense?

Like I mean, as I said, this is literally the first I heard about the show being recast, I haven’t been keeping up with any news or gossip about it at all, but I know, I just KNOW that there are people reading a lot into this, either in support of Posey or looking to make digs at him for....what to my POV....very likely has absolutely fuck all to do with the cast at all? 

LMAO. Like I just mean, in my perspective, it wouldn’t even occur to me to assume the actors all gave shitty performances or were a let down and that’s why they’re all being recast, at least, were it not for years on social media making me aware that is a common assumption. 

Like...nope, that’s really not a thing that happens, like, it literally just doesn’t. Again, people can believe me or not, but I promise, I PROMISE, there has been no pilot in the history of ever, where almost the entire cast was recast because every single one of them phoned in a shitty performance. Nope. Look, no matter HOW long you’ve worked in the industry, pilots are NOT easy to come by. Pilot season is hands down THE most competitive time of the year for any actor, on pretty much any level. Unless we’re talking actors who don’t even have to be cast because their involvement is the only reason a project is happening, that sorta thing.....NO ACTOR EVER TAKES A PILOT CASTING FOR GRANTED. Like, if an actor honestly just didn’t even care all that much whether a pilot gets picked up? Then why the fuck would they even bother going on auditions for that pilot, or why not just sit out that pilot season? It’s a bunch of hassle they don’t need as well as possibly getting locked into a longterm contract for a project they don’t really care about....lol just no, that’s not a thing. Actors don’t do pilots unless they WANT that pilot to be picked up, and for them to have a contracted role. Full stop.

So when you keep that in mind....honestly, what are the chances that in a full cast of professional actors, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM couldn’t manage to give a compelling performance, while bringing their A-game, except for the two cast members with the least on their resumes?

The chances are zip, because on the occasions an entire cast or almost an entire cast gets replaced for a reshoot, it has absolutely zero to do with any of the performances, and everything to do with the direction taken with the premise, like, the basic pitch they chose to go with for the characters.

Because again....its about Hollywood’s favorite magic word: leverage.

Nah, if one actor gets replaced after a pilot, before reshoots or even just between shooting the pilot and the show starting shooting on the rest of the season? Then it might be about the performance there, the studio just didn’t like that actor in the role and wanted to recast. Or it might be about the actor having had competing commitments that meant they turned out not to be available longterm after all, or there was a ceiling to how long they’d actually be available, or maybe they had enough other commitments that technically made them available but were still a hassle for the studio to work around and they just didn’t want to bother.

OR, in some cases....an actor gets recast before the show goes to air, because the studio couldn’t negotiate an agreement with the actor for their contract, that satisfied both parties.

Because that’s the angle most people forget to consider in this specific type of situation: actors sign on for a pilot, when they get cast. Their contracts have nothing to do with a full season at that point, because there’s nothing to even negotiate there, until a pilot is actually greenlit. Because until that point, nobody even knows for sure if they’re going to get a full season pick up, a half a season pick up, if the studio is just going to order eight episodes at first and then see how the ratings are before picking up five more episodes on the back end, etc.

So AFTER a pilot gets greenlit, the casts’ representation goes back to the table with the studio and hammer out their longterm contracts for the actual season.

And when a cast has to shoot not one pilot but two, before they even reach the negotiation stage for a full season pickup....they come to the table with a HELL of a lot of leverage. Because they know exactly how badly the studio needs THIS particular show to work out at this point, after that much of an investment. They know that the studio used up pretty much any buffer time they had, in order to get a whole second pilot shot, and they literally can’t AFFORD to have too many of their main cast walk at this point, if they don’t agree to their terms.

So when a studio recasts almost an entire cast before going back to reshoots, its because they’re trying to hedge their bets as much as possible and nip that negotiating power in the bud with a full recast with brand new actors who are brought in with the understanding that ‘we know we don’t have a lot of time to get this done and don’t want to waste our investment on this flopping, and YOU know that and we KNOW you know that, but if you want this part at all, you’re not going to make that a thing when it comes to full season contracts, do we have an agreement there.’

And you can’t make that kind of agreement halfway through things with a cast you’ve already made any kind of commitment to, not and expect them to be on board without any kind of concessions made.

So yeah, that’s why my guess is who knows what kind of performances the cast gave, it very likely had nothing to do with the recastings. Best bet is the studio just wasn’t happy with how the pitch they went with for this initial pilot looked when realized on screen, or maybe they were torn between two pitches initially anyway and now they feel the other might be a better bet.....and they couldn’t afford to stick with a cast that already had this much negotiating power this late in the game, so they released everyone from their contracts except for two of the ones who had relatively little negotiating power to begin with, and weren’t likely to give the studio too much of a problem over full season contracts.

Besides, if the new pilot does make it to air, by the time the new cast negotiates their full season contracts, the studio can sit down with these two and say its not that big a deal to recast one or two more at this point, all things considered, so.....again, do you want this role or not.

Ahhh, good old Hollywood. Where the bullshit in question is never exactly the bullshit most people assume it is, but make no mistake - its bullshit all the same. LOLOL.

Ugh, if only I weren’t a masochist who didn’t love being a THEEEEEEEESPIAN so much. Ah well.

But seriously guys, the thing you have to remember always, is there are never any guarantees, ever, at any stage, so its always a mistake to assume that a late stage decision or change has anything to do with quality, when there are a million other bullshit factors studios tend to consider before they even get around to giving a shit about what they think of the quality.

Like, an example....six or seven years ago, I don’t remember exactly...maybe it was eight, even? The year Jay Leno’s scandals were all over the news and NBC pulled his contract and all the late night talk shows moved around and swapped hosts.

Anyway, doing that meant that all of a sudden, NBC had an entire slate of open slots they needed to fill in the ten o’clock hour of their season lineups. Monday through Friday, when they usually would have a brand new hour of Leno programming for viewers from 10-11, all of a sudden, they had NOTHING. It was pretty damn unprecedented and nobody knew for sure how things were going to play out....just that it was November, and NBC was scrambling to pick and staff and cast as many pilots as they could in as short a time frame as they could, to cover the gap.

In the end, they had about half a dozen to maybe ten pilots at most, all filming at breakneck speed throughout December, right before the holidays, with the studio hoping to make a decision on them over hiatus and start shooting again over sweeps for a late midseason premiere to them.

So us poor dumb bastards who got cast and shoved through contracts, fittings, filming and all that good stuff in one of the most whirlwind and exhausting start-to-finish shoots any of us had ever experienced in the industry, were like, okay we KNOW better than to assume anything’s a sure thing, but like....this is PRETTY CLOSE to a sure thing, right? RIGHT?

Ugh, what dumbasses.

LOL and me I was one of the worst, because I wasn’t SAYING it out loud where anyone could hear it, but like, I was SURE this was going to be my big break. Because see, I wasn’t cast just on any old last minute pilot. No, I landed a bit-part-with-possibilities-of-recurring on a pilot starring David Tennant, like, fresh off his role on Doctor Who and very much in demand. It had a fair number of other names going for it...Jane Curtin, Cleo King who’d just gotten a big boost in popularity from The Hangover releasing over the summer, Abigail Spencer from Timeless although back then she was mostly just known for her work on Mad Men, etc. Like, this production was so rushed it never even got to the point of having an actual title, it was called something like “Rex Is Not Your Lawyer" on all our official contracts and stuff lol. We shot it over two weeks in December and wrapped filming the day before Christmas. And then we waited to hear about a decision, pretty fucking confident we were about to get a midseason pickup, because like....literally what else did the studio even HAVE?

Well. Nothing. We were right on that front, at least. They had nothing else to put on air besides the pilots they’d hastily pulled together and shot.....but in the end, after ALL of that, and after all that expense, and drama, and rushing and whatnot....the higher ups decided eh...you know what? We’re not really feeling any of these, hey, let’s just air re-runs of the Leno show in his old ten o’clock spot, that’ll be good enough.

....*headdesk*

LOL and the best thing was they didn’t even bother to tell ANY of the casts their decision until like, a month after making it. I mean we’d pretty much figured out from watching the clock that for whatever reason, it just wasn’t going to happen, but despite being a nobody, I was weirdly one of the very first in the cast to know for sure we weren’t getting picked up, because one of my friends who works in costume design was working on a different show on the lot where we’d shot Rex, and called me at like 6 am one day to say ‘oh shit, they’re packing up your sets, wtf,’ and that was basically as good as confirmation, lmao, ugh.

Though tbh, for me personally, that one doesn’t sting nearly as much as Washington Field, which was....I wanna say one or two pilot seasons before that? It was my first year in town, going out on auditions for pilot season as a fully paid up and registered SAG actor, the CSI franchise was winding down and CBS was looking to replace it with a brand new franchise, and Washington Field was the procedural they were hoping to use as a launching point for that new franchise. Some FBI procedural, like lbr, I would have never ever watched it myself and probably hated every script with a passion lol. I remember first time I got the full script for the pilot, like, it was pretty much right before we were all set to fly out to where we were shooting on location, so a bunch of my acting friends were over for a last minute party kinda thing, THOROUGHLY enjoying a drinking game they’d made out of the script, called something like “Get a shot every time Kalen’s character is a MASSIVE TOOL of the Establishment!” LOL like lbr, it wouldn’t have been my favorite role to break into the biz with haha. But the cast was pretty cool and we had a blast - GINA TORRES, ugh, still so bummed there, Teri Polo, Cole Hauser which is ironic given this is an ask about Lost Boys, lol, oh and Eddie Cibrian but he was super cranky the whole time b/c like his affair with LeeAnn Rimes had just become public knowledge lolol whooooops - anyway. 

I was pretty sure that was a sure thing too, because CBS was pushing the hellllll out of that pilot, talking up all these big plans they had for it, it was something like a $5 million pilot, we had helicopters, shut down a whole freeway for filming one day, the works. Big big production. I didn’t even have representation at the time, I was booking my own auditions and literally only got called in for that one because the casting director had remembered me from some indie I did, weirdly enough, and looked me up on a whim. But like, yeah, I only found out we’d been passed over on that one when I ran into one of the other cast on the street like the week before pick-ups and she was like “oh honey no, didn’t you hear? They passed on our pilot, we’re all released from contract.” ....lol, that was not a super fun way to find out.

Oh well, ANYWAY, point is, nobody ever knows anything even when they think they know and also studios are stupid and dumb and make stupid dumb decisions all the time so never ever assume a studio’s decision has anything to do with anything other than being stupid and dumb and also, I am DEFINITELY not biased, okay, maybe I am a little bit but my bias has actually absolutely zero to do with Posey and everything to do with being Jilted one too many times by studios who are both stupid and dumb, and thus clearly not to be trusted. Harrumph.

....I think there’s an answer to your question in there. Somewhere. Idk, I think I got lost too.