#i ordinarily root for the wildlife in these kinds of movies

[lyledebeast]

August 15: Prey (2007)

And making a complete left turn from yesterday's horror movie . . . . wow.

This is objectively the stupidest film I have ever seen in my entire life. The premise is the dumbest rich Americans alive--an engineer, his new wife, and his bratty kids from a previous marriage--go to Africa for him to work and his family to "play." The playing involves going on a safari and bullying the tour guide into taking them off-road. Almost immediately, he is killed by a lion.

The family is left trapped in the safari jeep, which suffers increasing lion-related damage as the film drags on. 90% of the dialogue involves the teenaged girl wanting to get out of the car and bullying the new wife, who appears to be only character with a shred of intelligence. These two are saved from another lion attack by two African poachers, who immediately start skinning the lion they caught. They are poachers, but even though these tourist-y Whites have clearly caught them breaking several laws, they decide to help them find water. Naturally, they are killed by lions, one much more brutally and graphically than the White tour guide because 2007. Oh, the progress we've made.

Meanwhile, the father is offering a gagillion dollars to a big game hunter, who is maaaayybe Dutch?, to help him find his family. The eventually find his family, and they all act complete fools. As the are running towards each other yelling, the Dutch hunter spots a lion and . . . friends you Won't Believe what happens to him!

In spite of having a whole hunter to eat, the lions continue pursuing the obnoxious Americans like they share my frustration with them. One manages to trap the dad under the car (because everyone knows big cats can't reach). The smart new wife orders the children and husband to run for the trees (because everyone knows big cats can't climb!) while she . . . sets fire to the gas tank, immolating the lion and the jeep, the only thing standing between them and a gruesome death this whole time, at once.

Then they embrace tearfully and say, "Let's go home!"

They are still fuck off in the middle of the savannah with no map, and no one knows where they are. There are more lions. They are fresh out of locals whose job it is to sacrifice themselves on their behalf. And then the movie ends!

I feel robbed of the feast the lions deserved and that I deserved to see. Cowardice!