#i opened ps today and saw it and felt a very strong urge to post it

[syua]

🌟

[chkristae]

Hello, Choices fans.

Me? Posting one of my fanfictions? Pft, it looks like it.

Hello again, you don’t know me, but you can call me Ckristae. As you can see I’m (probably) just like you, or you can say Ethan Ramsey fan (or not, it’s up to you, who you prefer from Open heart).

I found out there are not many fics of Ethan x male MC, or I am just bad at finding them.

But let me say my interpretation of one of my favourite quotes: If you cannot find it, write it. Well and here I am.

I am not sure if anyone will actually read it, but well… here I am, still.

And also let me say that this idea hit me while listening to song Surrender by Natalie Taylor.

And also I want you to know that English isn’t my first (mother) language, so there are probably (surely) grammatical mistakes. I hope it’s at least readable (?)

I don’t know if I am going to post more fics, but let’s say I love writing and coming up with stories. I actually write fics and original stories in my mother language (which is Czech, is anyone there from Czech Republic?) on different platform. This is my first time posting something in English.

Well enough of talking, let’s go reading!

Ps: Name of my male MC is Sebastian Valentine.

-

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x male MC (Sebastian Valentine)

Summary: Sebastian has decided to finally end it, for his and also Dr. Ramsey’s sake. He is going to act professional with the man who means so much from him. Can he stay by his decision? Or will he surrender to his own feelings?

Words: 6 000 + (6 826), (trust me when I say it wasn’t supposed to be that long, but well, here I am)

Surrender

Sebastian

Sebastian knew that he had to be professional, that’s what they agreed on. Ethan was his boss so it had to be that way. There couldn’t be more between them even if it was what they desired.

Every day Sebastian told himself, that he is Ethan’s subordinate and that made Ethan his boss. But despite that he couldn’t forget about what they experienced together. There was strong bond between them and also feelings that he thought he would never experience in his life. All those moments with Ethan, all those gentle touches and feelings of belonging, meant so much for Sebastian and he cherished them.

Sebastian longed for more. He wanted more of those moments, more of Ethan. He caught himself several times thinking about Ethan, when they weren’t together. And when they were together he tried his best to resist his feelings and the urge to touch Ethan, even if they were in public. Sebastian wanted to hold his hand like normal couples did. He wanted to touch him, hold him and be held by him.

But it was impossible and also very inappropriate. Ethan was his boss, as he constantly reminded himself. And that was also what Ethan told him every time, when they were alone and let themselves surrender to their feelings for each other.

Sebastian knew he was screwed. He didn’t even remember when it actually happened.  When he started feeling so much for the man who was the reason he decided to study medicine and became doctor. For the man who was his mentor.

Sebastian even tried to convince himself by saying that there was an age difference between them. But he was lying to himself; age didn’t matter to him at all.

So he decided to end it completely. He decided to act professional. He decided to play role of Ethan’s subordinate. Nothing more, just co-workers. Boss and his subordinate.

-

When Sebastian arrived at the office of the diagnostic team he found out, that only Ethan was there. He had almost an hour before his shift started and Esme came too. He hoped to get some time before he had to face his decision of creating distance between them. He wanted to be alone to get ready, but it looked like the world was against him.

He caught himself staring, again. Ethan was sitting behind the table, where they usually discussed their patients. Ethan was scowling at some documents in his hand.

In the morning light Ethan’s features were even more beautiful than normally. And Sebastian always thought that this man was beautiful. His blue eyes, which stared at him inquisitively, were now concentrating on the paper. The wrinkle which appeared between his eyebrows whenever he was scowling. Wrinkles around his eyes when he smiled or was amused by something. His lips that curled into smile, when they were joking around. His tall and surprisingly muscularly figure under the doctor’s coat. Sebastian knew that well because he saw him naked several times.

Sebastian forced himself to come to his senses. He decided to stop it and move on from… he even couldn’t call it a relationship. It was the only way for both of them.

But he chickened out. He wasn’t ready to face him, not this early in the morning when his brain craved coffee. He wanted to slip out the room unnoticed, but it was too late.

“Are you going to just stand there, or are you going in?” Ethan asked, looking at Sebastian inquisitively. “And what are you doing here so early?”

Sebastian felt how his body tensed up. He stepped back inside. “Good morning, Dr. Ramsey,” he greeted him with smile, that he always gave to his patients. Friendly and professional. “I woke up early today and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I decided to go early to work.”

“That’s a lot of earlies,” said Ethan with an amused smile. “Did something happened?” his tone changed to concerned.

Sebastian shook his head and ignored his stupid heart that thumbed in his chest. “Nothing, Dr. Ramsey.”

Ethan scowled and opened his mouth to say something.

“Is this our new patient?” spoke Sebastian quickly to interrupt him and nodded towards papers in Ethan’s hands.

Ethan looked at the papers in his hands with a look as he had realised, that he is holding them. “Oh, yes.”

Sebastian walked towards the table and sat opposite him. Every other chair was empty, but he wanted to give himself as much space as possible between them. Normally, he would sit next to Ethan, but from today he decided to change that. Sitting to close to him was dangerous.

And of course, it wouldn’t be Ethan, if he hadn’t notice the change in his behaviour. He was one of the best doctors in the world and director of the diagnostics, of course, he would notice anything abnormal.

Ethan took of his glasses and looked at him questioningly. Sebastian had to restrain himself not to flinch under his gaze.

“What we know?” Sebastian Asked quickly. “I mean, about the patient?”

Ethan blinked and stayed quiet for a few seconds. Then he took the papers and handed them to Sebastian. “Thirteen years old girl. She was complaining about stomach-ache. But the MR and tests hadn’t showed anything abnormal. The pain isn’t that big for surgery, so no one looked inside.”

Sebastian nodded and looked at the papers. “How long the pain lasts?” he inquired and tried to find the information on the paper.

“For almost two weeks,” Ethan replied and got up. He stood behind Sebastian and looked over his shoulders at the paper. As he leaned forward his chest pressed towards Sebastian’s back and shoulder. He felt Ethan’s breath right next to his hear. He didn’t actually know if Ethan used perfume, but he could smell scent that just was Ethan.

Sebastian‘s body had tensed, and his breath hitched in his throat, because of the sudden closeness.

“What do you think it may be?” Ethan asked, probably oblivious of what he was doing.

Sebastian’s plan was screwed, or could be if he stayed like that. So he carefully stood up, because he didn’t want to hit him. “P-probably psychogenic pain?” he asked in a shaking voice. He started walking before the table, while looking at the paper in his hands and was hoping it didn’t look awkward as he thought. “Why she was even brought here? If it’s not that serious for surgery, why she was handed to you?”

“Her father is rich bank manager. Naveen told me to take care of it. He is afraid that if we don’t treat her and later it turns out to be something serious, her father might sue as for not giving her the treatment she required,” Ethan answered. “We can try to give her placebo.”

“Yeah, you can try it,” Sebastian nodded. “But first you should discuss it with Dr. Mirani and Dr. Hirata.”

“I?” Ethan blinked. “If I remember correctly, you are also part of this team.”

Sebastian stopped walking and looked at him. “Yes, o-of course. I just…Yes, you are right. Sorry, Dr. Ramsey.” He lowered his head.

“There is nothing to be sorry about,” Ethan approached him, took papers from his hands and placed them on the table.  “And now tell me what is so wrong with you.”

“With me? Nothing’s wrong with me,” Sebastian laughed. “Why should there be something wrong with me?”

Ethan frowned at him suspiciously.

Good job, Sebastian. Keep going like that and he will send you for a check-up, that he will probably do himself. Are you ready for that he will see you half – naked? He said to himself ironically.

“Sebastian, what’s wrong? You know, you can tell me anything, right?” The painful expression on Ethan’s face made him question his decision.

No, he couldn’t give in. He decided to let them, him, go.

“I didn’t get much sleep last night,” he said and looked outside. “I will get myself coffee and I will be fine, so don’t worry, Dr. Ramsey.”

Ethan narrowed his eyes, but before he could say anything Sebastian walked quickly out of the room. On his way out he almost bumped into Dr. Hirata.

“Good morning, Dr. Hirata,” he greeted her with smile and continued walking. He had to get away as quickly as possible.

He was trying to calm himself down. Because of that he didn’t look where he is going and bumped into someone.

“Sorry,” he murmured his apology and wanted to continue walking, but a hand on his shoulders topped him.

“Hey, where are you going so fast? Is there a free food in the cafeteria or what?”

He looked at who he bumped into. “Bryce, sorry. I was lost in thoughts,” he said to the boy, who was always able to improve his mood. But not today, today was different. Even Bryce might not have the power to lighten his mood.

“Oooh, let me guess. You have some hell of a case and don’t know how to solve it. Well I am just a surgeon, but I might help you,” Bryce proudly shifted his chin.

Sebastian shook his head. “No, nothing like that. I have to go now; Esme is probably waiting for me.”

“Okay, if you say so,” Bryce give him a bright smile. “But if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me, you know that right?”

“Yes, I know, thanks Bryce,” he smiled at him a hoped it is believable.

He continued walking and this time he looked where he was going. He really had to get rid of these feelings for Ethan, or he will endanger his patients and colleagues. Now he started truly understand why Ethan didn’t want them to be together.

-

The next two weeks went quite quickly. Sebastian felt like he was on an autopilot, when he wasn’t treating his patients, helping Esme or being working the diagnostic team. When he was at home it was much worse. He almost burned dinner when he was helping Sienna and the other time he forgot that he left his laundry in the washing machine. Several times he was also spacing out. And other noticed and of course asked if he is okay. He always said that he was just tired. He was glad they didn’t question him more.

Ethan was not much help either, not that he knew about Sebastian’s decision. Every time they had meeting with the diagnostics they discussed their patients and Sebastian tried to help them found out what the disease might be. Right after they came with possible treatment Sebastian flew out of the room. He didn’t want to talk to him.

He was doing great job until Ethan decided to sit with him during lunch. Sebastian was reading book about DM to revise his knowledge, because he had been given patient with diabetes. His friends were on their shifts, it was one of those days when Edenbrook was quite busy and they had to take turns at lunch. That day he also felt quite down so he said, he will go alone this time. Of course they might ask him about it after work, or they will let it go. As he knew his friends they might keep quiet until he tells them himself.

“What are you reading?”

He lifted his head in shook. He was doing great job whole day of avoiding him. He only met him this morning in the diagnostic room together with Dr. Mirani and Dr. Hirata. The meeting was six hours ago, not like he was counting.

Ethan sat opposite him and nodded toward his phone. “What are you reading?” he repeated his question.

“Ehm. Something about diabetes,” he replied and blinked at his book.

“Why?”

“Ehm…” he started and then, thanks to whoever is up there, his phone ringed. “Oh, sorry. It’s my patient, I have to go.” He stood up and put his phone into his coat. While he was taking his tray and book, Ethan grabbed him by his wrist.

Sebastian felt his heart jump and then it quickened its pace. No. Not again. He groaned internally.

“I have to go, Dr. Ramsey,” he looked at him hoping that he will let go of his hand.

“I just… It seems we haven’t talked much during past weeks. I just wanted to know how you are doing?” he asked him with his typical inquisitive face.

How he hated and loved that expression.

“I am doing fine. Thank you for asking, Dr. Ramsey. But I have to go now, my patient needs me.”

Ethan stared at him for few seconds and then let go of his hand. “Of course, sorry for disturbing you.”

He wanted to say, that he wasn’t disturbing him at all, but his phone ringed again. “Excuse me,” he murmured and quickly walked away.

As he was exciting the cafeteria he quickly looked toward Ethan. Ethan was staring at his lunch with confused expression on his face.

Sebastian’s heart sank. He walked out and shook his head. This way it was better. For both of them. Pain is part of life; he will get over it and Ethan too. In few months it would be as nothing has happened, just a distant memory.

Even though his heart was heavy with pain and he felt tears forming in his eyes. He blinked rapidly to chase them away.

Just a distant memory.

-

Another two weeks had passed. One month since Sebastian decision to keep distance from Ethan.

He thought it would get better. But it actually had got worse.

Yes, he was still avoiding Ethan. Yes, he still stood by his decision.

But every time he looked back at Ethan, after he quickly left the diagnostic room, he saw that painful and confused expression on his face. It hurt his own heart to see him like that.

Was his decision right?

Sebastian was standing in front of coffee machine on one of the hospital’s corridors. He was tired and actually felt little weak. The weather was getting colder every day. Probably he caught something?

“Hey, Sebastian.”

He turned around and saw Sienna with worried expression. “Others told me not to ask, that if you want to talk you will, but… Is there something wrong? These past few weeks you seemed little bit down.”

Sienna, bless her kind soul. She was one of the kindest people he knew. Others were also kind, but Sienna was… Sienna.

He couldn’t lie to her. Not straight into her eyes, he just couldn’t.

He sighed and the machine behind him beeped. He took out his coffee. “Well… if you have time, I would love to talk.”

She smiled at him. “Yes, of course. I will just let know my intern that I am going on a break.”

“Sure,” he nodded.

Sienna also bought herself a cup of coffee. They walked outside, but before that they had taken their coats from lockers. It was chilly outside, but the sun was still shining. Also no one was there, so they had some privacy.

“It’s too cold? We can go inside, if you want,” he said quickly, when he saw how she clenched her hands around her coffee.

She shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I also need some fresh air.”

“Okay. But if you will get too cold you will tell me, okay?”

She nodded. “So… Can you tell me what’s going on?”

He sighed and leaned on the railing and looked at his coffee. “How can you stop loving someone?”

Sienna was quiet for a while. It made him nervous and his heart was beating in his chest. But he quietly waited for her response.

“Is this about Dr. Ramsey?”

He nodded. There was no reason for hiding it. At this point all of his friends probably knew. Except for Aurora, because she wasn’t as close with him in the first year as others. But she was quiet observant, so he wasn’t sure if she knew or not.

“Well, you can never stop loving someone.”

He chuckled. “Great.”

“Well, I will just tell you it’s similar as it was with me and Wayne. He wasn’t treating me well, but even so, I still loved him. Well, I loved the old Wayne, before he changed and I still blindly hoped, that things will get back to the way there were. I’m not saying that… I just want to say, it will stay with you,” she said and leaned next to him. He felt her shoulder brush over his. Her closeness was quite comforting.

“Then what should I do?” he asked and looked up at the clouded sky.

“Consider if it’s worth it. Every relationship will bring you problems, it’s up to you, if it’s worth it or not.”

He lowered his gaze and clenched his coffee. “This is different. He is my boss. I am his subordinate. It’s not professional.”

“Well, are your feelings professional?”

He frowned at her, confused. “What’s that supposed to mean? How can feelings be professional?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Up till now I was only in one relationship. I just want to know how you would describe your own feelings towards him.”

“I…” he started but didn’t know how to continue. He looked back down. “I don’t know. How can you describe these kinds of feelings?”

She shrugged again. “Who knows?”

“Then why are you asking?” he narrowed his eyes.

She smiled at him. “I just want you to think about it. Let’s say it does not work out, and it might. Let’s say everyone in this hospital will be against it, and some will. Let’s say Dr. Naveen will ask you to end it, or quit your job, which he might do. Will it still be worth it?”

“I…” again, he didn’t know what to say. Would it be worth it? Well there was the possibility they won’t work out and break up in the end. There was the possibility that someone will hold it against him and Ethan. He wasn’t so sure about how Dr. Naveen would react, but that man had heart of gold and loved Ethan as his own son. So he might stand beside them.

Some things are worth the risk. He heard Ethan’s voice in his head.

He sighed. “I am not sure. How can I be sure?”

“No one is sure about anything and we still try it, right? Is it worth the try? Imagine all those what ifs don’t exist. Is it worth it, if they don’t?” she raised an eyebrow at him. “I hope I am not too confusing.”

He bit his bottom lip. “How they cannot exist?”

She bumped with her shoulder to his. “Just imagine it, Mr. Diagnostic.”

He laughed. “Well… I wold say yes. It would be worth trying. He is Ethan freaking Ramsey,” he held his hand out. “There is no one better than him.”

“Aw…” she leaned on him. “You like him.”

He glared at her. “That’s the point isn’t it?”

They both started laughing. God, how he was glad, that he had friend like Sienna.

“So, what will you do?” she asked.

He felt his shoulders lower and looked down. “It’s nice fantasy, but this is reality. These what ifs won’t disappear.”

She put hand around his shoulders. “Sebastian…”

“I was thinking,” he interrupted her. “There might be one way. What if I go away? I mean, leaving Edenbrook and- “

“Stop it, right there,” she said and forced him to turn around so he was facing her. He always thought of Sienna as one of the kindest people alive. But when she got angry, she was really scary. He felt like a first grader who is scolded by his mum after he did something bad.

“Don’t you dare even thing about it. You are not going anywhere. What wold you do without us? And we without you?” she shook him, like she wanted to get some sense into him. “You are not leaving Edenbrook. You belong here. And in that case, screw Dr. Ramsey. I like him, but I won’t exchange him for one of my best friends. And you won’t either exchange him for anything.”

He blinked at her in surprise. Yes, he thought of leaving Edenbrook, but not because it was a way to get together with Ethan, but to get away from him. Every day was harder and harder. He couldn’t imagine how he can continue this, well he could, but it was exhausting.

His phone beeped, so he took it out of his coat. “I have to go. Esme needs me.”

Sienna let go of his shoulder. He was little taller than her, so she had to stood on her toes to be on the same eye level. “It will be okay, Sebastian,” she said with reassuring smile.

He would like to believe her, but he couldn’t.

-

Few days later he woke up with a terrible headache, runny nose and cough. When he got out of his room, Sienna pushed him back to his bed. She made him some herbal tea and Jackie gave him painkillers for his headache. Elijah called to work, that Sebastian won’t be going today. He also asked for a favour if they will look after Esme and his patients. Aurora agreed that she will take care of it.

“You will be relaxing, okay? No studying, nothing. Only sleeping and binging Netflix.” Sienna told him, when they were leaving for work. “If something happens, call one of us, okay?”

“Yes,” he said and coughed. “Have a nice day,” he waved at them.

He was alone. The apartment was eerie quiet when there was no one else.

He decided to binge Netflix to kill time, but he was barely paying attention. He thought if he was ill because of the cold weather outside or because of the stress he currently went through. Keeping an eye on Esme, attending diagnostic meetings and avoiding Ethan was quiet exhausting.

The painkillers made him sleepy and he fell asleep halfway through the movie.

He was woken up by ring at the door. He hoped that whoever was behind the door will walk away, so he stayed in bed and tried to fall asleep again. He wasn’t really in the mood to talk with anyone.

The person really stopped ringing and started knocking instead.

Sebastian sat up. He was irritated and convinced to give that person peace of his mind. But his headaches stopped him from moving. He grabbed his own head and hissed in pain.

He looked at the clock. It was time to take another painkiller, so he did that.

But the person behind the door just couldn’t stop knocking and started ringing again. He groaned and got out of the warm covers. Because of that he had woken up Lexi, who was sleeping with him. He didn’t remember when the fennec fox has joined him, but it was adorable.

The knocking stopped and Sebastian was hoping that the person left.

He wanted to lie back down and get back to the land of dreams, when his phone beeped. He squinted at it and almost dropped it when he saw the text. Well, from whom the text was.

Open up, it’s me.

He got up and ignored how his head protested. He managed to get to the door without knocking anything over. But he almost tripped over Mitch who was slowly getting to the kitchen. For reassurance he put the turtle away, closer to the kitchen, so he won’t kill himself over him as he will go back to bed. He also looked for Andi. He found the chinchilla sleeping peacefully on the couch.

He opened the door and narrowed his eyes because of the sudden light from the corridor.

“Dr. Ramsey,” he said and realised how his throat is dry. “What are you doing here?”

Ethan looked, for some reason, relieved. He kept staring at him as he was some kind of ghost.

Sebastian felt blood rushing into his face. He must have looked as mess. He surely had bed hair and red nose. Couldn’t he make himself more representable? He hated how he looked when he was sick. “I’m sick, Dr. Ramsey. You shouldn’t be here. Thank you, for checking on me,” he said and wanted to close the door.

But Ethan stopped him. “I was worried,” he said in husky voice.

Sebastian blinked in surprise. “It’s just a cold….What they told you?”

“Who?” Ethan asked.

“Others. It was Sienna, wasn’t it?” he sighed. He loved that girl, but sometimes…

“No one told me anything. I came by myself.”

Sebastian blinked again and his mouth fell agape. “Why?”

“I…” he looked around. “Can I come in? It’s weird to talk like that.”

“Well,” he looked inside. The apartment was quiet mess, because no one of them had time for cleaning up. Their shifts were long and they always came back tired. They usually cleaned on their days off.

“Please,” said Ethan imploringly.

Sebastian didn’t have the strength to fight with him, so he opened the door. “Sorry or the mess,” he mumbled.

Ethan walked inside but didn’t give a second glance at the mess. He kept his gaze on Sebastian, which made him, of course, more nervous.

Sebastian felt weak so he walked towards the couch and sit there. Andi looked up at him and climbed on his thigh. He started stroking her soft fur. “So, why are you here? Sorry that I couldn’t be today on the meeting, I should have let you know,” he said and then coughed. “Sorry.”

Ethan sat next to him. His body has tensed up and Andi looked suspiciously at the man who interrupted her stroking.

“Don’t get so close to me, you will get sick,” Sebastian murmured and tried to give some space between them.

“I work in hospital, I don’t get sick,” he replied.

Sebastian laughed. “So you are one of those people. Elijah owes me ten bucks.”

“So you are just sick, nothing else?” Ethan looked at him inquisitively.

God, how he hated and loved that expression.

“Don’t worry, I am not dying, it’s just a cold. Will you tell me, why are you here?”

He saw how Ethan’s body relaxed. “I thought... I mean I heard…” he lost his voice so he coughed.

“See, you are sick,” Sebastian grinned.

Ethan glared at him. “No I am not. And that’s not what…” he sighed. “I… well…” he looked sideways.

Sebastian couldn’t believe what he saw. Ethan freaking Ramsey was embarrassed by something. He couldn’t decide if it was funny or adorable. Probably both.

“What?” he asked with an amused grin on his face.

“I overheard you conversation with Dr. Trinh few days ago.” Sebastian mouth fell agape. Agni on his thigh assumed that she won’t get any attention so she jumped down and walked towards the kitchen to get some food.

“Oh my God,” Sebastian covered his mouth. “You were eavesdropping?”

“No I-“spurted Ethan, but it was useless. He cleared his throat. “I overheard few things.” Sebastian was grinning like an idiot. He never thought that Ethan Ramsey would be eavesdropping at someone.

His grin was easily erased, when he remembered what they were talking about. “W-what did you hear?” he asked.

“Well,” Ethan looked uncomfortable. “Just that you were thinking about leaving the Edenbrook.” Now was Sebastian’s turn to feel embarrassed. Yes, he was thinking about that but he let that go after the conversation with Sienna. He couldn’t imagine himself working somewhere else than in Edenbrook. He loved that place.

“I also heard that I might be the reason.” Sebastian felt even more embarrassed. He hid his face into his hands and groaned loudly. “Sorry, it’s not like that,” he lied. He wasn’t looking at him, so lying was easy that way, especially in the case of Ethan.

“It’s not?” repeated Ethan, startled. “Then why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not-“he spurted out and looked up. He was cut off by the expression on his face. Pain and regret. The same expression he saw during past weeks. And he was the source of that.

Sebastian bit his lower lip a lowered his gaze. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t lie to him, neither wanted to tell the truth.

“Why are you avoiding me? Have I done something wrong?” Ethan asked carefully.

Sebastian closed his eyes and sighed. There was no way out now. “I tried to be professional with you,” he said quietly and hoped that Ethan heard him, because he didn’t want to repeat that, it hurt too much. He looked down, because it was too painful to look at him.

“Professionally?” Ethan repeated dumbfoundedly. “It’s because of what I said, right?” Sebastian sighed. “Sorry, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable but… I just… I wanted it to stop.”

“Wanted?” Ethan repeated again.

“These feelings, I…” he felt tears in his eyes. Thank God he wasn’t looking at him. “I’m sorry Dr. Ramsey, you should go,” he stood up and ignored the dizziness. “I am glad, that you were worried about me, but don’t be. I am not leaving Edenbrook and I don’t want to either,” he opened the door and still refused to look at him. “Please, go now.”

He stood at the door and waited until Ethan left. He didn’t.

Sebastian brought himself to look at him. Ethan was still sitting at the couch and watched him His heart quickened his pace when their eyes met. “Please Dr. Ramsey,” he urged.

Ethan stood up. He slowly walked towards the door but didn’t left. He stood before Sebastian with expression that Sebastian knew very well. He had this same expression every time; they had to stop what was between them. Every time they had to face the world alone, leaving the other one.

“Sebastian, I…” he started.

Sebastian shook his head. It was a mistake, because the dizziness came back and he staggered. He held on the door handle not to fall down and also felt two strong hands on his waist.

He looked up and saw two blue eyes looking at him. He loved those eyes so much.

“Let me help you,” Ethan insisted.

Sebastian caught himself looking down at Ethan’s lips. All this time, four weeks and he couldn’t leave these feelings he had for this man. Sienna was right, it will never leave him. It will stay with him no matter what.

He felt tears forming in his eyes and before he could stop them, they fell down his cheeks.

Ethan’s blue eyes went wide. He opened his mouth to say something.

“Why are you so cruel,” Sebastian sobbed. He hated that he cried in front of him. That was the last thing he wanted to happen. “Why… You said there could not be anything more. And I understand that, trust me, I do. I know how dangerous it is, the risks not for us, but for the ones around us. How it can put a danger our patients and our colleagues too. How many things could go wrong. How it can destroy our lives and careers. But even though…” he gulped. “I want you. I want you so badly. I try to ignore it, I try to push it away, but it’s impossible,” he said and pushed himself away from him. But his body felt weak. He didn’t know if it was because of his cold or the emotional breakdown he was experiencing. Probably it was bit of both.

“And then you. Why did you come? If you don’t care about me, why did you come? Why are you so afraid that I might leave Edenbrook? It’s because I am such a good doctor and you don’t want the hospital to lose me? Or because you don’t want to lose me?” He felt dizzy. His head was spinning and pain was pounding in his temples. “How’d it come to this?” he sobbed.

Ethan was quiet. He was looking at him, expression full of pain. “You have to lie down. When was the last time you took your medicine?”

Sebastian bit down his lower lip. “Just go,” he said and looked sideway.

“Let me help you.” He approached him with open arms.

“Just go!” he said and pushed to his chest. The impact made him stumbled backwards. “Please, just go…” he turned around and stumbled to his bedroom. He closed the door behind him and felt that his knees gave out. He slid down to the floor while looking before him. Tears were running down his cheeks and sobs leaving his lips.

It was over. He destroyed the last bits of relationship they had between them. Probably he had to leave Edenbrook at last? His heart ached at that thought.

He heard knock at the door. “Sebastian?”

“I said go!” he screamed and his head pounded. “Please, I don’t want to be angry at you.”

It was quiet for a while. He thought that he left, as he insisted.

“I am sorry,” spoke Ethan with heavy voice. “I didn’t mean to come it to this.”

Sebastian was quiet.

“I just…” Ethan sighed. “I thought that… I don’t know what I thought. The truth is I…” Another second of quietness. “I want you too. And it gets harder every day to keep restraining myself. When you started avoiding me and whenever we met you acted so formally. I thought I have done something that has upset you. So I kept quiet, hoping that you will tell me. It was a mistake I should have asked, we should have talked.”

Sebastian was still quiet.

“I don’t want to lose you. When I heard that you want to leave Edenbrook I felt hopeless. The thought that I won’t see you anymore? It was so painful I almost lost my mind. Then every next day I waited, hoped that you will show up at work. And today you didn’t so I went here. I probably got to trouble by doing that and Naveen will talk to me, but… I think it was worth it. For a while it was, because I know now that you don’t want to leave Edenbrook.”

Sebastian wiped his face from the tears and continued to listen. His heart was pounding in his chest rapidly. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Please, say something. Even after all of this, I… I still want you. And I think you are worth the risk.”

His heart skipped a beat and then quickened its pace again. He breathed in and slowly got up to his weak legs.

“Sebastian? Please tell me you didn’t pass out.” He opened the door. “How can I tell you if I passed out, if I actually did?” he asked jokingly, but the smile form his lips faded away when he saw him. Ethan’s face was stained by tears.

“Who would ever think, that Ethan Ramsey would be behind my door like that?” he chuckled and wiped Ethan’s face.

Ethan took his hands into his and held them, like he was scared that Sebastian would walk away from him. “I’m sorry,” he said in husky voice. “I just cannot lose you. It’s too scary.”

He clenched his hands. “You won’t.”

“You cannot know that,” he replied sceptically.

“Well,” he shrugged. “At least for now. Let’s focus on the now, okay?”

Ethan nodded and leaned towards him. Their forehead touched and he felt his breath on his face.

“Even though this is lovely,” Sebastian spoke after a while. “I’m sick, so don’t get too close.” Ethan frowned. “I don’t get sick.”

“You said that, so you will,” he winked at him. “Now I will get back to bed and you should get back to work.” Ethan opened his mouth to protest.

“I will be fine. If anything happens, you will be the first to know, okay?”

Ethan nodded, but by his expression, he could say, he didn’t agree. “I will come after work, okay?”

“Okay, doctor,” he chuckled and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek.

-

After three days of sickness Sebastian came back to work. Three whole days of recovery and famous Sienna cooking. He would be actually surprised if he didn’t get better thanks to that.

These three days Ethan insisted on visiting after work, but Sebastian turned him down. It was not like he didn’t want to see him. He just wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want him to catch the cold too. Even though Ethan visited every day and the face on others faces, except Sienna’s, was priceless. Especially Elijah didn’t know how to act and almost overthrown tea into Ethan’s lap.

When Sebastian walked into the hospital, he was greeted by the nurses and Dr. Delarosa who together with Aurora looked after his patients and Esme. Dr. Mirani also greeted him with his usual attitude. “Hope, you are good, Valentine. I don’t want to deal with sick doctors and nurses.” But he knew that Zaid was happy to have him back.

When he walked into the diagnostic room Dr. Mirani, Zaid’s brother, greeted him with a hug. Dr. Hirata nodded at him a continued her work on her computer. Dr. Mirani told him that Ethan was called into Naveen’s office, so they should go over their patients without him.

Then Sebastian decided to check up on Esme. She was doing great and even asked him how he was doing. He helped her with her patients and then came back to the room of diagnostic team.

Dr. Hirata and Dr. Mirani were gone. Ethan was sitting at the table, reading something on his computer.

Sebastian slowly walked behind him and took off his glasses. Then he quickly covered his eyes and kept quiet.

Ethan’s body immediately tensed up. “Baz, we talked about this,” Ethan sighed. “This is not funny.”

“Aw, what happened? Did Naveen found out about your private coffee machine and took it away?”

Ethan tensed again and got up. Because of the height difference Sebastian had to take his hands down.

Ethan turned towards him. “I was wondering, where were you,” he said with a smile on his lips.

Sebastian shrugged. “You know. I got lost on the way of life. But I managed to find you, so I am good.”

Ethan looked around. The door to the room was made of glass, but no one was on the corridor outside. When Ethan made sure, that they are alone, he hugged him.

“Ethan Ramsey hugging me on his own?” Sebastian laughed and put his hands on his back to return the hug. “Is the world actually ending?”

“Not anymore,” Ethan replied, amused. “Want to get coffee?”

“If you are paying,” he winked at him.

Ethan rolled his eyes. “Come on, rookie.”

“Wow,” Sebastian gasped. “Didn’t hear that for long.” “Why? Don’t want to?” he raised eyebrow at him.

Sebastian shrugged. “Nah, I kinda like it and missed also missed it.”

Ethan led him to his office. On the way the met several people. Including Sienna who gave Sebastian knowing look and gave him thumbs up. He grimaced at her and she laughed in response. Her intern was looking confusingly between both of them.

“Wow, so that’s the famous coffee machine,” Sebastian said, when they entered Ethan’s office. He looked at the machine and its many functions.

Ethan closed the door. “It kept me alive for long time.”

“I got quite competition there,” Sebastian squinted at the coffee machine. “This will be hard.”

Ethan chuckled. “Don’t worry; you are on the gracious second place.”

Sebastian gasped. “Second place?” he looked annoyed at the machine. “I won’t loose.”

He felt hands slipping onto his waist and turning him around so he was facing Ethan, who was smiling at him amusingly. “I think you can get to the first place easily.”

“And how, doctor?” he tugged at his coat to get him closer.

“Guess it, rookie.” Sebastian closed the distance between them. His lips felt as every time they kissed. Soft and warm. This time it was little different because of Ethan new grown beard. Not like he was complaining, that beard had grown on him.

They departed. Both gasping for air, but not fully getting away from each other.

“So how I score now?” Sebastian asked with stupid grin on his face.

“Getting closer to the first place,” replied Ethan.

“Well, I have to try harder.” He kissed him again. This time more passionately. They stumbled and Sebastian stood backwards and leaned against the wall so they won’t fall down.

He felt like a fool that he wanted to run away from this. He was glad that in the end had surrender and even better was that Ethan did so to.

There were obstacles in their future. But together they can make it work. But for that moment, they wanted to live for now.