#i opened my new bottle of ink and its probs one of the best things ive ever bought???

[waveoftheocean]

inktober day 7: it’s good to have someone to come home to 🏠 ❤︎

[pninaharchive]

Just one number? What if you answered them all? It will take a while, but time is just an illusion.

LMAO luv a challenge thank u 💐 read more bc it got long obviously

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

ahh okay well i think about who i am as a person and whether im good or bad and recently in my reflections i realized that i have control issues?? and how to work with that is confusing to me but

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

no lol

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

no unless it was interfering with our relationship somehow?

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

yes and no?? i dont really trust a lot of people but im very optimistic and idealistic and so i never assume the worst of people. like if someone lied to me i prob wouldnt assume so unless it was glaringly obvious

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

sleeping lmao

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

this would never happen in my life oh my god i plan too much to not have a dd and a charged phone w access to a gps 

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

break up w the person and prob not talk to them again

8: Are you close with your dad?

no i dont talk to him

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

i havent kissed anyone since 8th grade 

10: What are you listening to?

currently im watching ink master in the background but in terms of music ive been playing big thief’s masterpiece and diiv’s is the is are

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

water lmao

12: Do you like hickeys?

ive never had one so idk for sure but the idea of it isnt super appealing to me

13: What time do you go to bed?

anywhere between like 11 pm to????? 3 am but usually closer to 11 bc i cant sleep in 

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

every man in my life

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

no not at all im so bad at 1 handed texting

16: Do you always answer your texts?

no LMAO unless its my mom or abby

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

i dont know that ive ever fallen before

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

an hour ago

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

abby and angel and my bunny

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

i dont remember i think i was thinking about tattoos

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

my brother

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

no there are plenty of shitty people who are doing just fine

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

noooooo way 

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

no im kinda fine with the people i choose not to speak to 

25: In the past week, have you cried?

no

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

black

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

my last name is 9 letters long absolutely not

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

no

29: Do you have a best friend?

ya abby lmao love that bitch

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

no. see #9

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

angel

32: Are you mad at anyone?

always

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

see #30

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

see #33. probably 19 or 20 idk

35: How many more days until your birthday?

345

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

yes!!! im going to maine with my mom and her gf and abby soon and me and abby are gonna tear it up the rest of the summer.

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

i have no male friends currently

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

never

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

i dont think so

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

yes lmao see #34

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

absolutely especially when either of the people is below 20 or so

42: Are you available?

emotionally, romantically, and sexually yes

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

i feel like i feel strongly for most people i meet im not really a casual person

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

i kind of want to get my other nostril pierced??? other than that i think medusa piercings are really pretty

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

if both of the people are emotionally mature enough definitely

46: Do you regret anything?

most things

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

um ive been thinking abt my chronic illness lol bc i dont think im actively bleeding internally anymore but wondering how much blood ive lost bc ive been really exhausted and i think it might be anemia

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

every one except the ones i currently have

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

yes like see #40

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

i dont like anyone currently i wish i did

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

no

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

no oh my god see #49

53: What was the last thing you ate?

i just had some pasta

54: Did you get any compliments today?

i think someone said they liked my shoes

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

maine!!!

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

probably but i couldnt tell u for sure my dude

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

girls

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

rhode island

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

sunday

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

no has anybody

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

no has anybody

62: Who do you text the most?

abby i guess?? i dont really text that much

63: What was the last movie you saw?

i watched young frankenstein but ive seen that before

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

dont have a gf

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

none lmao i was in like 7th grade

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

idfk see #52

67: Do you curse around your parents?

yeah

68: Are you happy with where you live?

not really i wish i was on my own in like europe or some shit

69: Picture of yourself?

check out my insta boiii

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

i think it depends on the other person?? i could be open to either i think

71: Have you ever been dumped?

no

72: What do you most like about making out?

passion

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

lets play a game called how many ways can i say im a virgin

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? 

i feel like this set of questions has something against me

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

i like!! tummies and legs

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

my mom probably

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

gOD

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

aoidsfkfkl

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

ummmmmmmm honest compliments and affection 

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

probably not right now bc im not ready or interested in kids but maybe someday 

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

a couple people 

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

not usually but i havent had a crush in a long time

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

what the fuck

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

prom last year

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

olive is my boo

86: How can I win your heart?

ugghgh idk openness and honesty, passion, similar interests, buying me flowers

87: What is your astrological sign?

gemini!!

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

sleeping

89: Do you cook?

yes i love cooking!!

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

no 

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

yes im such a fucking romantic

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

i think im a monogamous person but im?? also really flexible depending on the other person

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

idk im not picky ugh just 

cute

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

a new laptop and purse, money, cute gf 

95: Are you a player?

no im a pussy and also i love women

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

no god 

97: Are you a tease?

no

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

yes

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

no

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

yes omg definitely

101: Hugs or Kisses?

kisses!!!!

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

absolutely

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

gross

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

only if im interested in them tbh

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

no this hypothetical person sounds like a dick

106: Do you flirt a lot?

no

107: Your last kiss?

see #66

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

no its like every question is about kissing

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

asdfghj

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

barbie ferreira :(((((((((( 

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

no that would be too convenient

112: Does someone like you currently?

not that i know of

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

nope

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

serious relationships

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

no

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

who could say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[amelierochperformacelabnote-blog]

Task 1: A Week of Freewrites...

(1/7) So basically i have to do this free write and because of that i don’t really know I feel like my ideas are going to come across really badly but I’m going to try not to think about that and instead I’m going to think about the environment and climate change and how scary that is and how fucked we are and how 

much earthquakes in London made me realise that. So its scary because whenever it is warm we joke and are like ‘yay climate change’ but actually don’t really acknowledge the scariness of that and it is dead scary like it is this huge impending doom thing but we don’t care because our generation will probably be dead and it comes down to this whole idea of legacy for me. like who will visit my grave. Why would i actually care because I’m not going to be around, and if we are completely selfish creatures which i kind of believe we are even though i really don’t want to believe then we are only going to care if it makes us feel good. Like that friends episode where joey asks phoebe to find a deed that isn’t selfish and she can’t then in the end she does but its still a cop out because you can still see it as selfish because she’s getting something out of it but then it depends on the motives I guess. Even though friends is a fucking homophobic and other things sort of program its got that classic ‘it was a different time vibe’ and its us who get the oooh political correctness ruins all humour thing when actually i think people are more empathetic now so maybe climate change will be considered but are we already too fucked to do anything? Probs. (5.00.44 secs)

(2/7) In earthquakes in London there is a line that Robert says about something like the earth only being able to manage 1 billion people and there are 6 billion people so eventually it’ll balance out and basically cause the mass killing of 5 billion people and fucking hell i can’t get my head around it. It’s like when the news says numbers of death and everyones sort of like meh but actually when 1 person you love or even just know dies it fucks you up so why are we so frivolous towards the idea of the death of millions? like with the refugee crisis oh my god it drives me nuts but then again what am I doing that everyone else is not? Am i being super lazy? if it was someone i knew there would be nothing i wouldn’t do so why the hell am I sat in uni right now writing this stuff when I could be doing something? I think everyone feels a bit powerless and pretending it doesn’t exist is so much easier. You can be happier this way. When you open yourself up to the problems of the world it is enough to kill you. Like Sarah Kane, if she remained shut off to the world she may not have written anything that reached the amount of people it did but she would probably still be alive? maybe thats a bold statement but who cares this is just for me anyway. But we shut ourselves off to climate change because it fits our lifestyle. It is so convenient to buy a bottle of water and convenience has become ‘progression’ for us but that doesn’t mean its right. We are destroying everything to make an artificial world and I’m drinking from a bottle that I’ll recycle under the false illusion that i am doing something when really what does that matter. (05.13.72 secs)

(3/7) Okay I’m going and I’m writing and I watched something on Ellen about a 5 year old who knew an incredible amount of geography and he was the most adorable little kid and anyway he drew maps of the world and things he associated with places he would put on the map. E.g he put pyramids in Africa and in Antarctica he put a big ice berg melting and a little ice cube next to it. weird how aware a kid can be but also not scared at all because I guess he doesn’t know what there is to be scared of? Its weird like imagine that Scooby doo characters actually spoke about shit like this that would be way too deep or would it i don’t know. I guess how much can you inform your child? Surely it would just fuck them mentally if they were to know all of the scary stuff that will happen in their life times. Kids don’t care about voting because what will be will be but its like with trump and his complete denial of climate change do you think if kids knew they would have to live through it and that the president who was chosen doesn’t care would they maybe speak up?? I don’t know this feels like its gone a bit strange but its weird because kids are so simple in the best way I feel like they could solve all of the problems in the world. Lets make a five year old president and see how we get on. I’m sure there would be lots of crap but i bet there would be some gold in there, there has to be somewhere in it because they are untouched, not conformed yet, i love it. (05.02.58 secs)

(4/7) So being vegan is kinda something I want to do but also I don’t. Esme does it really well and it makes complete sense and I hate myself for not pushing myself to do it more. I don’t understand how everyone is still eating meat (myself included) without guilt now. Maybe in my head I have a weird perception on how much we have come forward in terms of empathy and compassion but I don’t know, I just thought we were past it. I think if I ever do end up having kids I will raise them as vegetarians because surely its easier for a kid to go from being veggie to eating meat if they so choose rather than the other way round. Everyone see’s it as a big sacrifice and I do get it but really lets get real its not that much of a fucking sacrifice, like there are people who can’t afford any food, if you have the privilege to be able to choose what you eat and what harm comes of it surely that is something to appreciate? I don’t know I’ve gone on a weird table again and now I’m thinking about balloons because i said babble also I can’t stop sneezing maybe its the london air haha. Everyone up North talks about how grim London air is and it kind of made me want to get one of those masks some tourists wear but I don’t think I have the confidence oh my god i keep sneezing it won’t stop maybe i should close my windows for a bit this is really distracting to be honest. (05.01.63 secs)

(5/7) So Jon Lee does really good lectures on consumerism, well they aren’t on consumerism but its mixed in you know? It always results a bit of a crisis, and the other day he spoke about ho we just try to consume everything. Its weird because in the Bry week we spoke about this and how we aim to make our bodies clean and I bought a blender and felt fucking brilliant about it when actually it was just the illusion of productivity. It’s like buying stationary and new clothes and shit trying to remodel you into a new you/ New year, new you etc. But anyway, yeh so the idea of consuming everything I think is interesting because it shows people as completely selfish and I just imagine like when whales open their moves and take in as much as possible. Then I think of pinochio but its strange why can’t we just care for people not objects and surely the world would be nicer, we consume consume consume but when does that stop does it ever? Do we consume people, I suppose yes certainly in the idea of celebrity and things like that. Example, Bry when she does her work people try to consume her being and it makes me so angry she is real and she is human she isn’t yours to own as a trophy in any pretentious way.  Its bullshit it makes me so mad. (05.04.22 secs)

(6/7) Oil and the pool of oil at the Tate that Sam said about. Isn’t that just the stupidest thing to make a point about climate change by using a pool of oil? I suppose maybe its not real oil but Sam said it was so i think that is just a bit stupid. Oil we keep coming back to oil. Oil and black treacle and ink in water and spreading it over, drowning in it. It can be so beautiful but destruction often is. Its so grotesque but we love it. Especially artists they love the grotesque they want it all and they want it exclusively. They want to take ownership of that feeling they give you. Like the guy who managed to get the darkest pigment of black paint to ever exist but refuses to let any other artist buyout so another artists created the most saturated pink and sold it to any artist except the one refusing to sell the black paint. I love that story. It says a lot about humans doesn’t it? It gives you a bit of hope because you see the good outcome after the bad but if you flip it then actually it become a very sad story. Ha I guess thats probably quite a stupid point but oh well lets just run with it because I know i’ve got about 30 seconds or so left of this free write and I’m trying to keep my head in oil ha head in oil that would be gross. It’s like that dream I had of getting stuck in a pool of jelly ugh I hated it. (05.07.87 secs)

(7/7) Heads exploding because of air pressure, big big tsunamis carrying houses off of the ground, murky skies murk murk murk black and grey and brown and horrible and muggy temperature. Its scary because its real but its also like a horror movie. I don’t want to believe it because it’ll make me feel home sick like when I used to stay at Mami and Papi’s house. I miss the world and the comfort zone and that will be unchangeable and its not dying its knowing that I never have the life option to see my mum and have christmas at home or watch my little brother and sister grow its not wanting to live its fear of missing out even in a world full of Donald Trumps and cults and scary horrible things there is absolutely nothing at all without the vital EARTH. if we can manage 1 billion and currently have 6 billion it is inevitable that we won’t be able to hold our balance for much longer and masks and hazmat suits and underground shelters may be there to protect but then what life will you lead. This is penultimate this is fucking terrifying and yet we do nothing and we are still doing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing. (05.01.40 secs)