#i only realised my mistake when we got bbc and doctor who was on. and in this episode he talked about having 2 hearts

[ramenwithbroccoli]

in my childhood, i was gifted one of those books of random facts. one of them was about 'famous doctors' in media, one of them being doctor who, with a short explanation below - that he's actually not really a doctor, but an eccentric alien with two hearts, who helps humanity.

however, as a kid with no acces to british television and basic level of english, facts mixed in my head, and i became convinced that the fact was refering to doctor House, from the famous show doctor house, which my mom watched sometimes. so everytime i hung around and it was on the tv i looked at it and thought "damn, that's pretty stressful. not only is this guy puking his guts out but they'll have to deal with aliens at some point"

[ollyarchive]

My son the global pop star? Olly Alexander's mum Vicki Thornton talks about growing up gay in Gloucestershire, Gogglebox and Glastonbury

Olly Alexander's mum speaks candidly about being mother of the flamboyant Years and Years frontman

Watching Vicki Thornton on the Celebrity Gogglebox sofa it would be easy to imagine that having a famous child is an easy passport to the good life.

Every Friday night for weeks the Forest of Dean mum-of-two has been on TV  sipping Prosecco while commenting on TV programmes with son Olly Alexander, the flamboyant frontman with the chart-topping band Years & Years.

On the face of it it’s been a charmed motherhood. First she watched the talented young man leave college to succeed as an actor, treading the boards as Peter Pan in a play with Judi Dench and appearing in movies such as Gulliver’s Travels, The Riot Club and Great Expectations.

Within a few years he appeared to seamlessly achieve global musical success with a chart-topping band and which led to a much applauded appearance on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury Festival 2019. This weekend he is appearing on the same stage as Ariana Grande at Manchester Pride.

Yet anybody who follows Olly knows it’s not all been red carpet premieres,  backstage passes and Gogglebox for Vicky, it’s also been about hearing uncomfortable truths about a son who has used his growing success as a platform to publicly campaign for LGBT rights.

Growing Up Gay

Not only has she had to listen to how he secretly self-harmed and developed bulimia as a closet gay teenager growing up in the Forest of Dean, but in 2017 she also bravely agreed to appear in an an emotional BBC Three documentary about how it can lead to mental health issues.

In Growing Up Gay Olly admitted that just driving home back to sleepy Coleford with the film crew stirred up such painful memories that it made him feel physically sick.

If that wasn’t difficult enough to hear, Vicki learned that Olly, who attended St  John’s Cof E Primary School in Coleford and Monmouth Comprehensive, had been unable to tell anyone that he was being bullied from a young age because he had long hair and seemed gay.

“When he asked if I would do the documentary, it was a bit of a decision to make because I knew it would mean digging up the past and going further into the reasons for the problem,”  said community artist Vicki.

“ I knew that having to face up to issues  I was not aware of at the time was going to be a very difficult process, but if it was going to help Olly and other people in similar situations I had to do it.

“I had to be  open and honest about everything which meant confronting my own feelings of guilt. You have to openly accept that you may have made some bad choices and decisions but you are human. It’s not about making excuses, it’s about learning from your mistakes.”

The documentary was so painful that the producers had Vicki assessed psychologically to make sure she could deal with the deeply personal issues it raised and arranged for her to have counselling beforehand.

Still a much watched video on iPlayer, it shows them sifting through photographs and videos of what his mum thought was a happy, innocent childhood on a beautiful part of the world.

“Going through the family history you see all these little happy, innocent little faces” said Vicky who also has an older son who has aspergers syndrome. “It’s terrible to think somebody could be hurting them.

“I think the bullying was mostly mental but when someone is full of joy and happiness and somebody else comes along and closes that down, it is the saddest thing.

“As parents you think you know what’s going on, you think that they are safe, they are happy, they are fed, all the boxes are ticked. But you don’t know the half of it.

“The  little things I heard about what happened to Olly that he and his brother have talked about, are awful.”

Everyone thinks their child is amazing but I knew Olly was special

Community artist Vicki said she knew “in her bones” even before Olly, 29, was born that he would go on do great things.

“Every mother thinks that, and every child is amazing, but I knew that this child was different, there was something there,” she said.

“Olly was always a bright, funny, happy child, full of life. He was such a bouncy, lovely little cherub  that I could never get cross with him,  ever.

“On the rare occasion that he would throw a tantrum I would find it funny and just laugh at him. He would just stand and scream blue murder and it was just hilarious.”

Life in the Forest of Dean

Their early days were spent living near theme parks that his father promoted but in 1997 the family moved to the Forest of Dean where his parents set about creating a model village tourist attraction.

It was a musical, creative, left leaning household and although he loves Rihanna, and famously met the singer on the Graham Norton show,  Olly, credits much of his influences to listening to his mother’s tapes of Nina Simone, Joni Mitchell and Stevie Wonder. She was one of the founders of the local music festival where Olly cut his teeth.

“I used to be a puppeteer actor in an education travelling theatre company in the late 1980s," said Vicky when asked about her bohemian background.

“When I was younger I was also a backing singer in a band called Innamanna. We played the Marquee in London and did some recording but when we had to decide ‘do we stick with this or carry on with our careers?’ it folded.

"But I couldn’t stand on a stage in front of thousands of people like Olly does. I would die.”

Olly as a boy

It was clear that Olly had inherited her artistic streak and although a talented gymnast and able academic, he concentrated on music and drama, later saying it was because he felt at home with the weird kids.

Vicki remembers him being very driven, open minded and very focussed.

“Olly taught himself to play the piano and to sing and there was always a healthy competition with his best friend Joe to get the best parts in the school plays,” recalled Vicki

“He was always singing all over the house.  He loved Disney and he would get old song books full of the classics and teach himself on the piano.

“He did not want to be in musicals but loved the singing and performance side of it.”

I did not realise there was so much pain going on inside.

In the documentary the talented singer songwriter says that  he did not have the vocabulary to put how he was feeling into words and  felt too ashamed to admit it anybody he was gay. Even his mother. He desperately wanted to be straight so he never admitted it.

“On the surface he was a real high achiever so I  had no idea there was so much starting to bubble up as a young teenager,” said Vicki.

“I thought the sky was the limit for him. I thought he could do anything he could put his mind to but I did not realise there was so much pain going on inside.”

“Because he was always fun happy, smiley,  lovely child achieving lots of things at school, I thought things were fine.

“Probably my eye was  off the ball because I was going through a lot of life changes at the time and maybe I was in denial that there was something going wrong.”

Marriage split

In an interview last year with the former Labour spin doctor Alastair Campbell, Olly says his diaries show a clear link between his father leaving and creating a “family implosion” and his mental health health issues developing around he age of 13.

They are estranged but met up when his father contacted Olly through Twitter and in subsequent interviews it’s clear the singer was less than impressed with the reality as opposed to the imagined version of an aspiring musician father who he had always wanted to impress.

“Splitting up with their dad made life a lot harder, definitely financially, and so life was a big struggle,” said Vicki.

“That’s probably part of the reason why I had my eye off the ball. I was distracted doing other things, so we were a bit dysfunctional or a while, which I feel guilty about.

“But I don’t feel guilty about that relationship ending at all, both for the boys and myself.”

Coming out

She says although from the outside it looked like Olly was enjoying a glittering lifestyle after leaving sixth form college to travel abroad filming the movie Summerhill, he was often penniless and had to take jobs such as selling hot dogs on the South Bank in between the contracts. She wasn’t in a position to help pay the rent either.

He was 18 or 19 and involved in the gay party scene in London when he plucked up the courage to pick up the phone and tell her outright that he was gay.

Vicki said: “He had said to me once ‘I don’t think you are going to have any grandchildren’. Not taking the hint, I said ‘well never say never’.

“He obviously got to the point where he thought ‘I’d better actually say it to mum because she doesn’t get it’.

“He phoned me up and said ‘you do know I am gay don’t you?’ . I said ‘Are you? OK’ and that was it really. I suppose I had a feeling he might be but maybe I didn’t want to confirm that because of fear about what his life might become because of all the homophobia out there.”

Vicky told told her elderly mother,  who sang on Broadway with the D’ Oyly opera company before cutting her career short to get married and have a family.

“Her immediate reaction was ‘but he will not be able to go to Africa, it’s illegal in Africa’, laughed Vicky about her 89-year-old mother who follows her grandson avidly on social media and has even seen Years & Years in concert.

“Like me, she doesn’t want to see him marginalised because marginalised sections of society can  attract a lot of negative behaviour. Nobody wants to see their nearest and dearest suffer from that.”

I just hope kids today aren’t going through the same thing

From that moment on Vicky has worried about her son being the victim of homophobia and although she is intensely proud, she still fears that being a figurehead for equality could make him a target.

“I wish he felt he could have talked  to me and maybe I could have prevented all of that, but I understand that is very difficult for young people,” she said.

“I remember that feeling of not being able to talk to my parents  and I just hope kids today aren’t going through the same thing. They get more support at school than they did 15 years ago but bullying and social media trolling still happens.

“I do worry about him being exposed to bigotry and homophobia. it’s not nice to think about your child living in fear.”

In an interview last year Olly was asked if he ever wanted to confront the bullies who made his life miserable growing up but he said he doesn’t think about it much any more because his life had changed so much.

He said he still takes anti-depressants, has weekly therapy sessions and works out a lot to keep his mental and physical health on track.

While campaigning for more to be done to prevent male suicide after being named as GQ Man of the Year,  he admitted he still has occasional days when he doesn’t want to get out of bed because his life does not feel worth living and can be too frightened to go on stage, or cries when he comes off. He hides behind outlandish costumes and make up.

The fun side of having a famous son

It's clear that there is a close bond between mother and son and Olly likes her to share in his successes.

For instance in the early days the pop star  arranged for her to wear an expensive diamond necklace to the red carpet premiere of Great Expectations in which he played Herbert Pocket.

“It was insane,” said Vicki. “ We had taxi from where he lived to the red carpet and there was all these people at the barriers.

“I thought they are going to be so disappointed when I get out because I’m no-one. Somebody took me to one side while Olly went off to meet the paparazzi and because it was raining they put a brolly over my head.

“Then we went in and watched the film which was mind-blowing because I was sat next to some of the actor’s. When it was finished we went to the after-party which was all very very glam.”

Naturally shy, Vicky was overawed to meet the likes of Jeremy Irvine, who starred in War Horse.

“I was quite overwhelmed by it all at first but I have got more relaxed about being in that kind of environment,” she said.

“The whole thing is a bit surreal really. It’s a bit  like a film in itself. Once I was this close to Helen Bonham Carter who I think is fantastic, but you don’t want to go up to people saying ‘I love you’.

“Olly told me once, that when they started filming he actually said to her ‘I love you Helen Bonham Carter’ and and she said ‘I would love you too if I knew who you were’, but she later came to the stage door to congratulate him after Alice and Peter.”

More recently Vicky was overwhelmed when she was introduced the men from one of her favourite TV programmes, the Netflix series Queer Eye, at Radio One’s Big Weekend in Swansea.

“I love watching them but when Olly introduced me I didn’t know what to say and was stuck for words because I get so tongue tied,” she admitted.

Gogglebox

The star is protective of Vickyi who does not even like speaking on the stage at Coleford Music Festival but told her it was time for her to come out of her shell for Gogglebox.

“It’s different because there isn’t anybody else in the room and it’s all about Olly because that’s who they are interested in,” she said of the TV show.

“It feels really nice sitting there together eating snacks, drinking Prosecco and enjoying each other’s company, but I don’t think I have anything really  interesting to say.

“You are thinking ‘should I be on my best behaviour because I’m on tele or should I be like I am at home?’. There is a little conflict going on in your head but it’s really good fun.

“It’s weird watching yourself back,  seeing what you do, what you sound like and the faces you pull. I didn’t realise I pulled so many weird faces.”

Every week she has to decide on a comfortable top for sitting on the  sofa and says they did initially consider getting matching onesies and really mad slippers but decided against it.

She shares TV tastes with her son who loves programmes such as Killing Eve and Stranger Things and Fleabag. They also love Gogglebox, especially Rylan Clark Neal and his mother and Chris Eubank and his son. She was delighted when Rylan sent a lovely message to Olly about her.

“If Olly likes something I will give it a go because I know I will probably like it,” she says. “I would never have watched Love Island if Olly hadn’t watched it. “

Staying true to yourself

Before the Years and Years single Communion catapulted the band into into the charts, Vicky had another important phone call from the Shine singer.

“He said they didn’t want him to say he was gay and he was really cross about it because didn’t want to pretend to be something he wasn’t” she said.

“I told him to stick to his guns, that you have to be true to yourself for anything to be real. I have taught them that if they are kind, truthful and respectful to other people, everything else will follow.”

Olly took her advice and when she first went to Glastonbury to see him burst onto the John Peel stage in 2015 wearing a rainbow, Pride suit he was involved in a very public relationship with Neil Milan from Clean Bandit who were playing the Pyramid stage.

Although in  pop star mode he is happy to speak openly about his own sexuality and  ongoing struggles with anxiety, Olly also admits that the fairytale of fame and fortune has not proved the antidote to depression and he remains a leading advocate for mental health issues.

In fact Gay Times described him as one of the most influential gay pop stars of this generation and added: "All hail the King!”

Glastonbury 2019

Vicky was astounded by how big it has become since the days she used to go and got lost for hours on the first night after deciding to camp for the weekend.

On Sunday Olly arranged for Vicky, her partner Kev and Coleford Mayor Nick Penny to go backstage and then watch from the Pyramid Stage balcony as he gave a widely-applauded, eloquent moving speech marking the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall riots.

Many say the speech appealing for compassion and a society that does not leave anybody behind was the highlight of the festival.

“It’s not the best view because you cannot see what’s happening from the front, but just to be there looking  out from the stage and seeing all those thousands and thousands of people who are all there to see Years and Years and Olly, well it was just mesmerising,” she said.

“That whole feeling of emotion, the pride, It’s like when you see your child in a nativity play but  a million times over.

“I knew he was going to make a speech and I knew that knowing Olly it was going to be special, but I did not  did not know the content or when he was going to say it.

“I was just so proud and when I got home I had to watch it over and over again.”

“I cannot believe how brave and strong Olly is about what he believes in. I admire that in him so much and have so much respect for him to be able to do that.”

The feeling is mutual and Olly has repeatedly spoken about how proud he was of his mum to speak so openly about his childhood in the documentary even though she is not to blame for his troubles.

Olly takes care of his family

Although he spends long periods touring with the band, when he is in London Olly has a small set of friends from home who he has known since primary school which Vickis believes it is good for his sanity.

He recently spoke about how good it has been going from being too skint to go out to be able to help his family out financially and pay for the drinks on a night out.

Thanks to Olly buying her a new house Vicky has moved from the small cottage in the centre of Coleford where she would get the odd knock on the door from Years and Years fans pretending to be looking for a non existent neighbour.

Speaking to her it’s clear that have a famous child is not too much different than having any other. You always feel guilty, you are very proud of their achievements, you want them to happy, you worry about them being safe and you lose your name. At one festival she spotted a flag saying “Olly’s Mum”, something parents all over the world can identify with.

“As a parent I think you always feel guilty, but  I’m proud that Olly has grown into this amazing human being,” says Vicki who has been on a journey alongside her famous son.

“It’s such an amazing thing to have happened that to try and get your head around it all is impossible, so you don’t bother.

“Lots of people ask about him and say things like  – ‘your boy’s doing well’ and I think ‘just a bit’. On the whole though, life just carries on as normal.”

[calacuspr]

Calacus Weekly Hit & Miss – Elise Christie & Mark Clattenburg

Every week we look at the best and worst communicators in the sports world from the previous week.

HIT - ELISE CHRISTIE

October is Mental Health Month in the UK and over the past year, sport has been at the forefront of making it acceptable to discuss emotional wellbeing.

Scottish speed skater Elise Christie is one of the latest to share raw emotions, and recently opened up about a rape ordeal she endured many years ago and the effect it has had on her mental health in the years since.

Along with her struggles with self-harm and medicating, Christie has also previously been open about taking breaks from social media, having often been the victim of online trolls.

Christie, a triple world champion, was expected to win medals in both 2014 and 2018, but crashes and disqualifications meant she was known for her disappointments far more than her successes.

Trolling even made her consider giving up on her beloved sport altogether after the Sochi Winter Olympics in 2014 and revealed last year how she almost took her own life in 2018. She began to see a psychologist due to the intense mental suffering that the online abuse and bullying caused. 

She explained: "For me it was a big step to even talk about the assault in the first place. I’ve always talked about the fact that I want to help people. There are so many women who have gone through or who might be going through this same situation right now and won’t speak up either.

"I just constantly felt like a medal winning machine for a while, like a robot. I wish I hadn’t got to the point where I felt so undervalued as a human being. That came from a lot of things. Sport was a part of it, how I was handled and the fact that my well-being was never a top priority.

"I was always doubting myself. Part of it was the fact that the mental health side was so new in sport. I didn’t even understand it myself yet."

Christie’s brave decision to re-live her traumas comes at a time when women’s safety is a prominent topic of conversation.

Not only have the revelations about Sarah Everard’s horrific murder recently come to light, but the response to the news has sparked major debate about the current state of women’s safety.

The conversation has shown no signs of slowing down since the initial explosion of social media posts in March, with many either relating to the London Metropolitan Police’s mishandling of the case, the heavy tone of victim blaming that has appeared rife throughout the past few months, or simply encouraging men to take positive action.

Christie, like many other high profile figures, has realised that with the voice and the platform that her sporting career has afforded her, she has the power to start these open, honest and often uncomfortable conversations.

Sharing her story will undoubtedly encourage other women, in sport and beyond, to do the same.

During the Olympic Games in Tokyo this summer, Simone Biles also used her platform to open a conversation about mental health within sports, after she withdrew from the team gymnastics final. Biles, like Christie, advocates putting mental health above anything else, even including the Olympic Games, particularly after the abuse she suffered at the hands of former team USA doctor, Larry Nassar that continue to affect her.

If one thing can be taken from the horrific ordeals Christie and Biles have faced, it’s that mental health must be taken more seriously in sports. Whilst sport and exercise is often considered to be a massive benefit to mental health, it’s no surprise that the pressures of high level competition can add additional challenges.

Thankfully, due to the bravery of sports people like Christie, mental health welfare is quickly becoming a priority for so many people.

Christie acknowledges the effect her mental health has had on her sport performance as she prepares for the next Winter Olympic Games which take place in Beijing next year.

Whilst still hopeful about the 2022 Games, she says that the competition is no longer about winning for her.

For Christie on a personal level, the real victory is being able to set an example for other women who are struggling - and help them to see that turning your life around is possible.

She added: “It won’t just be about medalling. I also want to be the girl who helped others turn their lives around and the girl who has turned her life around and has come back. That’s why I try to set that example."

MISS – MARK CLATTENBURG

Women’s football has enjoyed a long-overdue resurgence in recent years.

Barclays bank announced that they would become the title sponsor of the Women’s Super League while this year Sky Sports and the BBC announced a landmark deal which will see over 60 games broadcast over the course of the season.

This comes soon after the hugely successful 2019 Women’s World Cup which saw a significant growth in participation at all levels as England reached the semi-finals.

We have even seen a female referee, Stephanie Frappart, make history as the first female to referee a men's UEFA Champions League match, the game between Juventus and Dynamo Kiev in Turin.

But former referee Mark Clattenburg has set back gender equality in football by a few decades by suggesting that female referees must choose between their career and pregnancy.

Speaking on talkSPORT radio, Clattenburg said: “We always had a [female] assistant referee in the Premier League, Sian Massey[-Ellis], and we now have a woman refereeing in the Football League, Rebecca Welch, so women are starting to develop in the men's game.

"If you look at UEFA, for example, the French woman refereed the Super Cup final, so UEFA are getting more and more women.

"The problem with women is, and certainly in refereeing in football, they have a difficult pathway if they get pregnant during their refereeing career - it can stop them a long way. So they have to make this choice: do they want to be pregnant or do they want to be referees?

"They also have to pass the men's fitness tests and a lot of women struggle with the men's fitness tests; because, if you want to be in the men's game, you have to meet that criteria.

"If they pass all this and then choose the right path, I believe that women should be involved in the men's game as well as women being involved in the women's game. When you look at the Women's Super League, for example, there have been some high-profile mistakes. Why not bring in the best referees if you have the best leagues?

"Certainly, when you have a baby, you're out nine or 10 months and then you'll take another six months to recover from your body, so therefore it's nearly two years. And to pass that men's fitness test is very, very demanding."

Women in Football CEO Jane Purdon was quick to condemn Clattenburg’s remarks, stating: “Mark says "the problem with women" is having to choose between carrying a child and their refereeing career, and that being pregnant "can cost you two or three years of your life.

"Women in all professions face challenges in balancing work and family. So do many men - but for men this is never seen as a problem, and men are never expected to choose between the two.

"In fact, many women in elite sport are in a position to resume their sporting careers quickly after giving birth. Others take more time out - by choice or by necessity. Neither of these scenarios is a "problem". The real problem is assumptions about female biology, and gender roles in childcare, which are lazy, outdated or plain false."

Clattenburg is on a charm offensive at the moment, opening the curtain to the mysterious world of football refereeing and dishing the dirt on many of his former officiating colleagues.

He had a fantastic career, taking charge of the 2012 Olympic Games men's final; the 2016 FA Cup final; the 2016 UEFA Champions League final as well as the final of EURO 2016 in France.

He’s no stranger to controversy, though, having been sacked as a referee and then reinstated after what amounted to an eight-month ban after "issues relating to his private business affairs.”

He was then accused of racially abusing Jon Obi Mikel during Chelsea’s 3-2 defeat against Manchester United in 2012, a claim he was later cleared of.

He was also dropped from the Premier League roster after breaking protocol to go and watch Ed Sheeran in concert, with rules dictating that officials must travel to and from the ground together to ensure ther integrity and security.

He admitted speaking to manager Neil Warnock on his car phone, again in contravention of officiating rules and claimed in his book that he was investigated for suspected match-fixing after buying an expensive car and on the field, famously missed Pedro Mendes’ ‘ghost goal’.

Clattenburg shocked the footballing world when at the peak of his success, he quit the Premier League for a lucrative advisory role in Saudi Arabia.

His book tour was supposed to set the record straight and revise opinions amongst fans who might have considered Clattenburg arrogant or a lose cannon.

Sadly, his latest comments play into lazy stereotypes that society and sport have sought to expunge but one wonders if he will do the right thing and apologise.

[plounce]

compilation post of whichever bbc america employee who wrote the captain’s blogs being an ally and a hero via treating janto as more than just a sex joke, being genuinely warm and funny, and mentioning ianto super fondly in nearly every single entry (especially s2) because jack is in love with him despite what everyone else would have you believe. but i, a gay, know, and so does bbc america social media staffer circa 2007-2008.

some may call this “fringe canon.” i call it “some of the only specks of canon that respect the show’s canon gay relationship as the loving and affectionate relationship that it is.”

text pulled from ianto’s desktop, which is a fun read despite the defunct photobucket embeds - i only included captain’s blog stuff, but there’s a couple more janto tidbits in there. none as nice as these, though. under a cut because it is Long.

season 1

(one really cool thing the writer did for early season one is have jack note unexplained energy surges in the lower levels of the hub - handy foreshadowing for cyberwoman)

1x03 (ghost machine - alien tech leads to murder mystery):

Other issues: According to Ianto, Splott is pronounced "Sploe". I think Ianto may have been lying.

Upcoming issues: Energy surges in the lower areas of the hub still unexplained; there have been several more in the past week. Ianto volunteered to investigate, but has not discovered an explanation yet.

1x04 (cyberwoman - the episode where ianto’s secrets are revealed and we all have a Bad Time):

Other Staff issues: Ianto Jones temporarily suspended from active duty, to return at my discretion. His love for Lisa clouded his judgment, and he made some serious mistakes - but I have to wonder if I would have done the same thing in his situation. Ianto's personal needs and emotional state have been overlooked; I should not have missed something like this. During his suspension, I will try to spend more time with him. Hopefully we can establish a closer working relationship.

1x05 (small worlds - the one where the “fairies” abduct the little girl and jack has to let them, which makes everyone else very mad at him):

Staff: Ianto Jones' first week back after his suspension four weeks ago. I have tried to put him at ease, and have briefed the team to be as sympathetic as possible. Obviously there is a level of resentment remaining, but they are trying.

Other Staff issues: After what happened with Jasmine, nobody is talking to me (except Ianto). They'll come around. Everyone comes around.

1x06 (countrycide - the one with the cannibals and we all have a Bad Time):

Staff: Brought Ianto Jones along to get him out of the Hub, out of the city, get some relaxing time in the country with the team. May not have been the best decision I made this year.

1x07 (greeks bearing gifts - mindreading and predatory lesbian, the episode):

Other Staff issues: Ianto is still suffering, but putting on a brave face. Will try talking to him over dinner, outside the Hub, see if there's anything more I can do for him.

1x08 (they keep killing suzie - the episode that ends with ianto hitting on jack with a stopwatch):

Other Staff issues: Ianto and I stayed back to go over the case files and reorganize the safe. Internal security cameras were temporarily shut down to run diagnostic tests, so there was no monitoring of the Hub for approximately four hours - but there were no security breaches to report. Everything went very smoothly.

Upcoming issues: Need to requisition a new stopwatch. Old one damaged while moving a desk.

1x09 (random shoes - outsider pov, the episode):

Staff: Things seem to be calming down with everyone. Ianto is coping well; I'm pleased with his progress.

1x11 (combat - owen has manpain and fights weevils. whatever):

Other Staff issues: Ianto surprisingly proficient at the good cop/bad cop routine. Although obviously, he's the good cop. He's too cute to be the bad cop.

1x12 (captain jack harkness - jack and tosh are stuck back in time during the cardiff blitz and owen and ianto fight about what to do about it):

Other Staff issues: Ianto tried to stop Owen opening the Rift, and actually shot him in the shoulder. Everyone except Owen is finding this very amusing.

season 2

2x01 (kiss kiss bang bang - jack returns from his doctor who appearance, deals with his terrible ex spike from buffy, and asks ianto out on a proper date):

Other Staff issues: Gwen is now engaged. I'm happy for her, but I'm concerned about what it might mean - can she stay here, still keeping everything from Rhys? I worry that we're going to lose her. And I worry about Ianto. I think he took it harder than anyone when I ran off. It's going to take me a while to make things up to him. He is a decent, good man, and I'm lucky I met him.

2x02 (sleeper agent - the episode with sleeper agents):

Other security issues: Gwen taken hostage again. I’m beginning to think she’s jinxed. And why am I never taken hostage? I could be a good hostage. I never get any of that Stockholm Syndrome action. And according to Ianto, my bad cop routine needs some work.

Other Staff issues: I’m in trouble with Ianto for duct-taping a CB aerial to the SUV. Apparently the tape made the wing mirror “disconcertingly sticky”. Still, nothing a bit of warm, soapy water can’t fix.

2x03 (a man out of time - tosh’s cryo-boyfriend they unfreeze once every year. also, jack and ianto Have A Talk and then make out):

Other Staff issues: Ianto and I made some progress, talked things through. What happened with Tommy got to us all. I know it got to Gerald and Harriet, too, back then, considering what they went through to try and make up for it – but that’s another story for another day.

2x04 (meat - the episode with the whale and rhys finding out. some of the team gets taken hostage and ianto tazes a bad guy in the head and growls out “pray they survive.” or something and it’s VERY GOOD TELEVISION):

Staff: Ianto turned into a fighting, kicking, stun-gun machine, it was very exciting. I must get put in danger more often.

2x05 (adam - an alien infiltrates their memories and inserts himself into the team, and his plot is foiled by ianto reading his diary and finding inconsistencies because he’s Very Clever):

Other security issues: The only thing out of place was Ianto’s diary, which I found in my office. Naturally, I gave it back to him immediately after reading through it. Several interesting factual errors in there - and I thought he would know how to convert inches to centimetres. You think you know someone...

2x06 (reset - martha visits and owen ‘dies’):

Security: Must speak to Ianto about using names from ‘’Sex and the City’’ on fake IDs. Last week he sent me into an alien smuggling operation as ‘’Mr Big’’, without telling me. Wish I knew how he kept a straight face. I’d give him a stern talking-to, but I think he enjoys that too much.

(right after this is a very solemn paragraph about owen dying lmfao)

2x07 (dead man walking - jack resurrects owen and owen has manpain about it):

Other Staff issues: In big trouble with Ianto for risking everything to go and get the second glove. I should have told him before I went, but he’d probably have cuffed me to the chair to stop me. And I’ve fallen for that one way too many times.

2x08 (a day in the death - owen continues to have manpain):

Other Staff issues: Now that we have all tried, it is clear that only Ianto knows how to operate that damn coffee maker. I suspect it contains alien technology.

2x09 (something borrowed - gwen gets married, but not before playing host to shapeshifting pregnancy alien):

Security: ... Female Nostrovite proved to be extremely resilient to bullets, so I had to get my massive weapon out and take care of business. Ianto is still quietly chuckling about that now, days later. Gwen’s mother taken hostage. Must run in the family.

2x10 (from out of the rain - the terribly written ianto-’centric’ episode about circus film reel ghosts):

Alien activity: ... We only managed to save one of them, but that’s better than nothing. Sometimes in this job, one is enough. I can still see the faces of the people we lost - they weren’t part of this, they were just living their lives, until they were taken. Ianto took it badly, this one really got to him.

Staff: Have convinced Ianto to take me to a normal cinema, to see an actual movie. He’s also curious to know if I still have my old circus outfit. If I can find it, I think a private show is in order.

2x11 (adrift - gwen pursues a mystery about the people the rift takes and then puts back traumatized, even though jack resists. ianto is the one who gives her the info she needs. she also walks in on them naked in the greenhouse. wild):

Staff: Gwen would never have found the facility if Ianto hadn’t helped her. He was wrong to do that. But, of course, he was actually right in the end. There’s no way Gwen would have let it go. I should have trusted her with the information, but I knew what it would do to her. Sometimes, the only way to realise that you shouldn’t look behind that door is to actually go and look. Gwen learned that. Nikki learned that. We all did.

Other Staff issues: Seeing Gwen experience it for the first time took me right back to when I first heard that terrible scream. After Gwen had gone home, I just held on to Ianto for a couple of hours, as tightly as I could.

2x12 (fragments - a bomb explodes and everyone gets a flashback to how they joined torchwood 3 as jack and gwen rescue them from the rubble):

Staff: Everyone came out of the explosion pretty beaten up, but no major damage. We got lucky. And so did John. Because if he’d killed anyone - if he had hurt Ianto - I would have slowly ripped him limb from limb.

Other Staff issues: Although I have to say, Ianto does look good all messed up and dirty.

2x13 (exit wounds - jack’s brother comes back and blows up half of cardiff and kills owen and tosh):

Other Staff issues: The one glimmer of hope in all this? I still have Ianto and Gwen. Whatever the future throws at us, whatever madness the Rift vomits out next, whatever we have to face - Torchwood will be ready.

Capt. Jack Harkness.

Ianto, I know you’re reading this over my shoulder, pretending to fix that damn shelf. So get over here and take me out somewhere.

[renatedagmarmilada]

st barths human research latest

quote - we take all post out to the lab sent to and sent by our victim Fekete.Most if it is personal, she never receives, only bills, and a lot she sends never arrives, as we are to isolate her from talking or having any form of relationships with anyone, other than those we want her to talk to, whom we then manipulate. Letter she recently wrote to 84 yr old nun, in her old children's home, GP stuck on correct postage £1-25p as nuns is not permitted email by Church, I took it off and stuck one on half the amount. Let's see if it gets there. Christine, at St barths Human Research, London, illeg daughter of John Fielding.. For instance, she sent 12 children's books to Lahore Pakistan to family where she stayed, lab operatives took them home etc

lab St Barths Human Research has access to all my internetting and messes. Werner of Germany split my cable and sent half to lab half to me, clever devil. Anna, bossess of the Lab invites them to lab paid, asks what they can do in an effort to learn new tricks. As always the Germans are full of new ideas, but are considered stupid by the lab Ops as they are so honest and cannot work out how devious they are in London, which causes no end of amusement and derision.

tried to enter some photos of my time teaching at Ocean Uni Qingdao in China on QINGDAO FOREIGNER site but they blank out so have to put them here for the moment - with good friends I met soon after I arrived..

quote Can we write up some of Fekete's stories and degrees as ours.. John Fielding has more of her stuff hidden.. Yes. The english jews lie and cheat and destroy those who would die for them under the noses of their enemies..

Finchley -- tall Julia daughter of Harry and Blanche, Your new collection is out.. yes, I got £300 for each item, some £3000 altogether. All of it is that teacher artists work, copied.. ---our Jewish payment to those who feed us with their children's food and business fabrics...

quote --I have made a motif of one of your paintings..Anna's son, Antony, the african little girl ... Anna sells them

quote-- Scunthorpe school pal.. JOYCE FITCH.. we put 3 of your BA degree Literature from UEL texts into her stuff, to send to Magazines as her own work.. is she cancerous? we put all your class mates, all your college, all your university, all the art college onto our monitor, so now we are sending your degree works and your poetry, stories from writers groups and art work round to them. We pay a thief to go into their homes- and they are on our scanner. /second row, fourth up, me right end./--- Dr Jack, don't let Fekete have her first, give her a second.Foreigner./

The Kaiser said that all jews had to go home.. Stuart, illeg son of John Fielding,... We have to repeat Fekete all the while, but we have to put it wrongly.. then we say it was her mistake. The Kaiser actually told them to stay after WW1 as it would be dangerous for them because of the Russian and Hungarian Pogroms

quote - if your case were handled properly and the English Civil Service and Minisiters were not involved as sex buddies and crime advice for the lab bossess, you and your sons should receive 35 million for what has been done to you. It has been worked out by lawyers. That includes no sickness pay for physical damage St barths Human Research has created etc no health permitted, cutting pensions, no advancements permitted, isolation, destruction of life and relationships, thefts for thirty years etc. Urban cowboys is not the name for them, it literally was English Auschwitz, for their amusement. We could do it so we did it!!

just a thought, my ex husband and I saved like mad to buy our first home, to get out of our council house for which we paid rent, a small semi. He worked all the hours possible and did without- a lot. Around me here, new citizens live in small semis rent free, without making any efforts, never having paid tax..no not in flats, in semis with gardens, front and back. Makes you wonder why we bothered..

Quick watch before it deleted and I'm blocked

FINCHLEY --Steve illeg son of Allan Lieberman Cross.. HE'S VERY GOOD. He has used your drawings and traced them and is selling them as his work..he actually can't draw. There will never be another opportunity like this one the Americans and Health Ministry has given us along with millions and Brexit, to raise any idiot and all our families

The POLES are in now, to make up for our remote crashing their plane by remote filled with government people..

Tamara, Andover Str Sheffield sold two more of your paintings last week, out of the 200 she has robbed from you. She told her London friend who lives in the same street: I work on them all the while, she lies in front of her young daughter. Watched on the lab monitor because of serious embezzlement issues, working on Fekete's drawing means she draws a line here and there.. druggy thief woman and her sister Margaret still have some of your sketches, your best pastels. she's drawn into them, they are those with the superb hands and feet. she's drawn bits of clothes on.

Tomas, Sheffield Slovak from Ukrainian area, lives up Daniel Hill Sheffield, trespassing and theft, two Saturdays ago, watched by man on Springvale Flats, next door to Alec the Polish Jew, fat face, knows Bohdan, Upperthorpe. Serb, 13 counts of theft, one of Manslaughter from way back. the Ukrainian Receiver for lab st barths asked him to enter and rob for £100.. is robbing again..

MARGIT-- Edgeware road, don't be such a liar, we know whose work it is. He was a pig, but he was clever.. No he wasn't. Anna told him his writing was dry, and like all jews, he had to have money, talent and everything. He used to go on the monitor and take Fekete's work at University and Colleges off as his own and read it out, even to his grandchildren / BA Thesis, UEL German Jewry//...

quote - we send her Fekete's stories and poems to magazines and newspapers because once printed they can never be taken out. lab st barths Human Research. we just say we have permission. No one checks, nor do the design companies ever check whose work it is, they just pay out to us in hundreds.

shock during the night and pressure on brain and other organs, woke me up. Shock created by WOLF german researcher. I just had to try it out on someone, shock kills.

quote --the americans did... no, not tots, 13-14 year olds with their permission, willing.. a bit different to what is going on here.

quote --Sadly, all John Fielding's sons are violent as well as corrupt, as is their father ---and the daughters ....... Faye is the best of them all and Bethany the most lunatic. /from my mum's stories she told me of old Poszon, how the Orthodox Jews would run through the city carrying the Holy book TORAH above their heads. Her stories were much, much better than mine and more interesting/

Finchley .. tall Julia, daughter of former dr Harry of Middlesex Hospital and Blanche. Harry was orthodox once. To her mother's disapproval /it has to be said/- printed six small books of my poems /quite amusing, in their eyes their enemies lives- experiences/ Wrote to a magazine some of my stories and to the BBC and sold some 600 to 700 of my paintings. Also took some of my blouses /second hand 5$ silk ones I brought back from my favourite place, the second hand shop in Con...

Sheffield Art in the background. Life Drawing group met there too, my fave place in Sheffield. The gardens surrounding it often drawn in my paintings.

the lab st barths Human Research showed Schmidt a film, that is all it was, a porn film by Anna's friend Joanna, made at the BBC for which we paid her a grand, directed by Sydney ..we made out it was Fekete. That is how we managed to get Bavaria into it, and create the accident with Haider and Fekete's friend Maria..and her family. Germans are so quick to believe any dirt about their own people or Europeans, and don't measure up the English and ours at all. which makes them appear stupid to us.

It was New York who first realised- we are corrupt but nothing compared to London, St barths Human Research.... and the Prince goes in there!!!! have you seen...................? say nothing.

QUOTE-WE HAD TO DISTRACT THE BERLIN WOMEN WHEN THEY VISITED FROM BERLIN HUMAN RESEARCH SO THEY SHOULD NOT DISCOVER WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH THE TOTS BEING USED FOR SEX BY OUR MEN- ESPECIALLY AS WE ARE NEARLY ALL JEWS, OR THAT FEKETE WAS REALLY AN EXCELLENT TEACHER WE WERE DESTROYING AND HER SONS.. ''Oh my God, what is that smell''..one of the berlin women said one morning when they came in. We had to incinerate one of the tots, she was dead by morning after sex. After that we avoided having visitors in the lab at all. The Health Ministry said nothing about it all.

quote we took her post out of the GP She sent a cheque to China Bank, when she went to Beijing. John Fielding kept it, eventually, he put it into his own bank, told them there was a mistake, so he had to sign it - as his own money. We owe her in bare money some £100,000+ probably more and her sons, likewise. add the Spanish thing we did. Where are her sons violins she bought him/ and the rest. Alyson had them stolen and sold them. They were presents, all presents had to be stolen..

flick through those , it is all FEKETE'S STUFF// ALL OF IT.. all of it even the covers are her drawings and then we outlined her stuff and life drawings, when she stopped doing actual pictures because we were copying it, and stuck to life drawing. THE HEALTH MINISTRY civil servants /on is now Minister Arthur/ and Minister, let us, they knew what we were doing.....

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf.. we just fondled the little ones and then it became sex, that is all. then it became regular sex at times by more than one man a night for the little ones, till it turned to what it is now. Isaac harry of Finchley did it /former doctor of Middlesex/ and the stealing is normal practice by research in this country.

It was Meyer's ideas.not ANNA'S./Edgeware Rd London/ Phillipa heard them. We have a biggy here. It really took off when we began hacking into accounts. Fekete eventually found a bank with a book, and has her ''reduced ''pension of £75 a week put into that, so she can check it. but the lab still got her at every turn. we had been using the population for fifty years or so, then the Queen gave us permission ..

Scunthorpe Times..it's a weekly magazine of daily life.. quote --Print it Lilian,/former Horobec/ you will get merit for it. Nooooo Print it, it is about Fekete's life, from her writers groups and her BE#d Sheffield Polytechnic, as an English Specialist, about school and Gillian Bell and others there - with those terms Fekete had- - like a summer breeze blowing through a Hungarian confessional.. No one will know.. Operatives Alyson used them all, she did loads of writing, ma...

Her aunt Lily back home was not ill at all, we simulated cancer and she died. Fekete has lost three aunts from lab over use and several cousins. We paid the Slovakians three millions to use our stuff there and their citizens here.

quote from a neighbour.... a woman came and went right in, when she came out, she looked me straight in the face, it was the Slovakians who live in this area, once two of them came. The mail man saw them as well. I knew the teacher was out, I saw her go to the bus stop, it is at least an hour to get into town, back again and do what she needs, she doesn't have a car.# He said, perhaps she has a lot of friends. The most terrible rubbish goes in her house, and bangs about, we h...

Fay Fielding- you used RF's pencil case? She was looking for it the other day. We used loads of her stuff to try to make out she was going mad, and forgetting.Then it became a flood. her best paints she finally bought.. All my best work was hers. I just painted over her paintings with her good paints because she used to use her cheap ones.. and sold them. maybe 2,000 of them. We knew the markets, she didn't, she was at University and having to work, they lived on £65 a week f...

Addy Close Sheffield- HORACE slovakian /court twice for rape in Slovakia/ recently stole my mother's birth certificate etc from my home.. from 1917. gold necklet etc Why? try getting your own family's stuff and leave ours alone.

Faye FIELDING I wrote a report /ART COLLEGE BA= Faye has flaire but not talent, so she copied all my work, literally for her MA//.. I put you were unreliable and then we sent Pakistani Operatives out to China, who travelled first class and lived in First class hotels, to show them how we press hearts all night and other body organs, cause diarhea and other ailments, so that the chinese thought it was YOU who was ill, when infact the Pakis were causing it and the problems in your classes.- 55 pupils per class and I loved it over there/-- TAIAN SCHOOL - December gets cold in North China..wonderful memories.

Sheffield English Studies Centre....Chinese students, one of the boys admitted he had used someone's work but did not know w hose and how come it was in his papers..//I see them regularly on the tram and at times chat to them, which makes me very happy= that is not my beer at the German cafe in Qingdao, but belonging to the american husband of my Chinese Qingdao Goddaughter Jun Jun Martha, now in USA./

Paula Bowden WATFORD is still printing your degrees and life stories as her own../ at 17 yrs old in Grimsby- I have short hair/

London School of Economics, maths teacher, boyfriend of Lauren Fielding, has been given my work to print as his own by Lauren Fielding.. another School of Economics lecturer has already printed my work.

See more recent stories

[psychicwolftraveler-blog]

Bipolar and the stigma

Bipolar and the stigma against mental illness

When people hear mental illness they tend to shudder with fear and smugness as if there better than anyone who suffers from something. When people hear Bipolar they run a mile! Some may say I am exaggerating but I am not. Iv seen it first hand. I myself suffer from Bipolar Type 2. Now i emphasise the type as thats important. When people hear Bipolar they think of manic, mania, psychosis, hyper, unhinged...the list goes on. But I am none of those things. Type 2 sufferers tend to have long bouts of low periods and very intense anxiety, in all honesty the anxiety can manifest into paranoia-so there is an element of psychosis but nowhere near as much as a Type 1 sufferer.

I was diagnosed 3 years ago at the age of 27 going on 28. Prior to this, Id only ever had one other breakdown and that was 10 years before hand in my late teens. I had always suffered from some form of anxiety but i had always managed to control it. My job as a manager kept me mentally busy and challanged and i thrived on stress, in fact in one interview i even said i loved it! but in the end it was stress that broke me down, and now sadly that aspect off any job i do in the future will be a no no for me! But since my diagnosis iv noticed a wave of stigma attached to mental health. People are geniunly scared of it! There scared of what it means and what it can do. they dont realise the effects that can have on the person suffering!

I myself have never told any of my employers about my illness for this reason, because a lack of understanding on their part can make them nieve, and regardless of how qualified I am I wont be fit enough for the job because my brain ever so slightly works in a diffrent way to others! I know my triggers and I can control it to a point...the only thing that stops me having control is pregnanacy, because adding those hormones to an already altered mind makes for very confusing times! I spend weeks indoors not talking to anybody or seeing the outside world-but its all for the greater good, and though i can turn into a hormonal nightmare when pregnant, having a baby is a blessing and ill take all the bad that comes with it!

I recently wrote an open letter on twitter to many celebrity ambassadors for mental health, including the young royals- below is the letter i wrote:

I am writing to you today as I have been reading about all your work that you are doing surrounding mental health namely the stigma surrounding it. I am writing to you in a capacity of desperation to get my voice heard. You both are the voice that can speak for the millions so I figured it was worth a shot so here goes. Let me give you a background on myself. I am 31 and am a freelance journalist/poet and a manager within the NHS. I has my first mental breakdown when I was 16 at the time people thought it was a mixture of hormones and family factors, none the less I had to leave 6th form and was medicated for a few years. When that fog lifted I returned to college and went onto university to study new media journalism. To support myself I had to work in the post room within a NHS trust. I worked my way up that corporate ladder very quickly and after graduating kept the journalistic side to freelance and continued to work my way up in the NHS,  iv worked in A&E as admin manager, iv worked as unit managers for CNWL's Addiction services, and even ended up managing the admin team at the same unit that treated me when I was 16 within west London mental health trust, which was ironic really but also showed how far I had come and accomplished! The same doctor that treated me still worked there too! I went from being her patient 10 years before to drinking with her in a pub at 26 a fully fledged cured adult who managed the admin team including her secretary! The signifance of me telling this will become apparent soon.... In november 2014 I suffered a severe break down and voluntarily went into a low secure mental health unit just to rest and get the treatment I needed! Again it was west London mental health I was treated by, but this time I had two perspectives, one the patient and two the employee! The same doctors and nurse I had been drinking in a pub with 2 years before now saw me as a patient, some wouldn't even say hello.  The only people to acknowledge me were the patiebts who rembered me from the services they attended, but now i was one of them. This was my first experience of the stigma of mental health, I was no good anymore I was just another patient. It was at this point I was diagnosed with Bipolar type 2, I would like to emphasize the type 2 as that's another stigma I get. The difference between type 1 and 2 is vast, there is no mania with my type and more anxiety and depression. It was a hard diagnosis but it hadn't come from nowhere I had it since 16! It made sense all the times I'd have down patches I just put down to environmental factors, a bad relationship, argument with friends, stress at work etc... I just thought it was what the doctors had said when I was 16..hormones and family factors, but it wasn't it was bipolar.. So the entire time I had been working I had bipolar and nobody had known, not me, not my colleagues not even the doctor who treated me at 16 and drank with me on Friday night and now wouldn't even say hello to me after seeing me in hospital! Stigma is stigma and even employees and doctors have them. Knowing that keeping busy controlled it and stress made it worse I went straight back to work in a brand new job at the RNOH in stanmore in January 2015!! I took a step back and went in as a EA to the hospitals operations director....not an easy job but less stressful than managing things myself but it wasn't long before I got the urge to take the reins once more and within 9 months I was unit manager of paediatrics at the same hospital!  Again nobody knew until I fell pregnant in March 2016, I was not on any medication apart from calming pills to stop my anxiety flaring up but I stopped all these when I found out. I had my first and only encounter with perinatel who are a great team and service, unfortunately I miscarried at 20 weeks, and within 3 days I was discharged from the perinatal service and was on my own. The pregnancy hormones and lack of medication had made Me very edgy and anxious more so than I had ever been, then losing the baby caused more emotions which were hard to deal with. I had to finish at my job in the June of 2016 as the stress and the commute were making me sick again and being pregnant I had to make that my priority not my career. It was the first time I hadn't worked since I was 18 and being at home made my illness worse. None the less me and my partner tried again and I fell pregnant in may 2017 but again lost it at 6 weeks. This sent me into a downward spiral and I had to make a decision to try again or go back to work but we tried again and here I am 11 weeks pregnant and everything thus far going well and being monitored  everything but my mental health. Iv had no further contact from a perinatel team and  am on no medication. When I do see my midwife my mental health always gets used as a weapon. Iv been told I must have a cesarean for my own health but I also must have meeting regarding mental health to see if I could cope with a baby and what my support network is. That is what has pushed me to write to you both.... The stigma. Just because I have a diagnosis does not mean I am not capable or of sound mind! I went 12 years with nobody none the wiser not even the doctor who had originally treated me at 16, but now they can name my problem I'm not a worthy and am treated a second class citezen. People Dont talk about mental health because of this reason, and things need to change. If I had another invisible illness like epilepsy would I have the same stigma... Probably not. With my corporate mindset I ask you, when you work with mental health issues, departmentalise each issue.... Suicide, depression, psychosis, anxiety, insomnia, eating disorders . within each of these things there is a stigma and within each of those boxes is a person like me who can control, hide and survive through my issues everyday with nobody knowing, working in high level jobs too scared to say anything because when I do I become somebody everybody is scared of abd treat differently just because I'm labeled with a mental illness and as the voice of the many I do hope the work you all do goes someway to helping the case I have put to you today because this is an issue that needs changing and changing fast.I have enclosed copy's of 2 poems I have written about mental health which are also published online, I look forward to your response Yours faithfully

Needless to say I never got any replys-which made me more determined to start a blog, to have my voice and get it heard!!

Iv recently read in the news today that they believe the grand old president of the USA, Mr Donald J Trump is apparently suffering from a mental illness-which could in effect cost him his job! According to the BBC, experts believe he is suffering from narcassistic personality disorder- now hes the kind of person that gives people with genuine mental illness a bad name! He's not mentally ill, hes an egotistic old man who is too twitter happy and obscessed with big red buttons. Everything he says is pathetic and he cant be taken seriously, the way the USA can justify thier horrific mistake of electing such a gorrilla is to brush it off with, "we didnt realise he was mentaly ill"!! cop out if you ask me!!! Just take his tweets with Mr Kim Jung un- iv seen 3 year olds in nurserys have better arguments than that!! Thats not a mental illness its a child in a 70 somethings body!! Hes the human real life version of Tom Hanks's character in Big, just not as nice or as clever or as entertaining!! I defenitly wouldnt want to play the big piano with him in a toy store-god forbid you were better than him- you'd be banned from America and called a loser on twitter before being handed a shovel and some bricks to go and build his mexican wall!

My point is, mental illness is a stigma and when its used to describe somebody like Donald Trump its no wonder people get scared!! We should be allowed to talk about it more freely and openly without the fear of being judged-but if that will change who will know...Until then all we can do is live on and fight the big fight that is mental illness which ever one it may be..... we'll talk more on this subject... but until then take care...

The typist behind the screen xxx

www.gogsworld.net

[bluemoon21-blog]

SPOILERS: BBC’s Line Of Duty Series Four was Brilliant TV

BETTER TO WATCH IT, Than read this LONG REPORT!

Line Of Duty has a reputation for moments of jaw-dropping, hard-hitting, drama – like throwing Jessica Raine off a tower block and amputating Thandie Newton’s hand.

But its fourth series had something even more shocking: a happy ending. Or several to be precise …

After an uncharacteristically mad, messy, opening episode, the finale of the BBC’s police corruption thriller was still stunningly ruthless and relentless but unexpectedly, positive.

All of the baddies were brought to justice (in one form or another) and (amazingly) none of the good guys from AC-12 were forced to resign or suffered a tragic demise.

On the contrary, ‘Balaclava Man’ was shot down by Supt. Ted Hastings who also cleared his name, remaining the hero of the show.

By the time we saw the innocently-imprisoned Michael Farmer had been re-united with his Nan and DS Arnott was walking again, writer Jed Mercurio had turned Line Of Duty into a cross between The Sweeney and The Waltons.

He proved yet again that Duty was (easily) our best cop show and arguably the most intelligent, enthralling, drama on British television. Apart from Poldark obviously…

Where else would you find a case that revolved around a corrupt cop with an amputated hand and some fingertips she’d cut off with a chainsaw that proved to be her undoing?

Here are 30 highlights from Series Four’s brilliant finale.

1. DCI Roz Huntley and her children moved into a hotel after she had framed her husband for murder (a killing we suspected Roz had herself committed).

‘Why aren’t you helping him?!’ her daughter complained.

‘It’s complicated,’ the scheming DCI muttered.

You could say that yes…

2. Supt. Ted Hastings lamented Nick Huntley was close to being charged by the Murder Squad, with AC-12 having been stood down by ACC Hilton.

‘She’s done it again !’ Hastings cried. ‘We had that case in the palm of our hands. She’s thrown everybody off the scent.’

The way DS Arnott rolled his eyes suggested even he agreed this hadn’t been difficult given AC-12’s disastrous investigation.

3. To compound Hastings’ humiliation, DC Desford was also now lording it over him, having transferred to AC-9 when Hastings accused Desford of being the mole/rat, and repeatedly called him ‘James’ instead of ‘Jamie’.

‘Hastings didn’t appreciate my ability,’ Desford purred. ‘Hilton does.’

Ouch !

4. ‘I’m sorry to hear about your accident,’ DS Steve Arnott’s ex-girlfriend Murder Squad DS Sam Railston commiserated, provoking Kate Fleming to step in. ‘You dumped him at the first sign of trouble. It’s a bit late for apologies!’

(Steve + Kate ! Can we call them State?)

5. Thanks to Nick Huntley’s interview, AC-12 finally realise Roz had been covering up a cut on her arm and that it might have been infected during her fatal fight with Tim Ifield.

‘The MRSA lives in the carrier’s nose,’ a doctor tells Kate Fleming. Great news.

6. ACC Hilton implored DCI Huntley to resign.

‘I’m not bent sir !’ she protested (optimistically). ‘I’m a diligent, dedicated, loyal officer. Why aren’t you backing me?!’

She was probably regretting making an enemy of Hilton by not sleeping with him before she had her stump.

7. Roz’s ludicrous lackey DC Jodie Taylor passed on the information that James Lakewell had been Michael Farmer’s solicitor and so had been aware of Farmer’s conviction for rape.

‘What does that mean exactly?’ Jodie asked.

We knew we were confused but she was supposed to be the detective. Although she didn’t look like one…

8. DS Arnott was frantically scanning CCTV footage for sightings of Roz Huntley’s car on the night Tim Ifield was murdered.

‘How you getting on son?’ Hastings asked in classic style, referring to the scheming DCI as ‘the wicked witch.’

9. Unfortunately (deliberately) Roz Huntley had headed into a huge area of woodlands where there were no traffic cameras. But Arnott deduced that at 3am the area would have been so dark that Huntley must have known where to dispose of the evidence from the killing. Ted Hastings heart swelled with pride as he watched his officers return to their desks. As did ours.

10. ACC Hilton (and the dreaded Desford) turned up at the search and ordered Hastings to leave it to the Murder Squad. ‘Don’t expect the hearing to go well ‘H’,’ he snarled. Ted was either being set up or really was the head of the network of ruthless criminals and corrupt cops.

11. As a result of the search Roz Huntley was (finally) arrested, using Jodie to trick solicitor James Lakewell into representing her for the questioning.

‘You’re the only person I trust right now,’ the steely-eyed glamourpuss purred. Thandie Newton that is, not Jodie…

12. A classic AC-12 interrogation saw DS Kate Fleming, DS Arnott and Supt Hastings presenting all the evidence discovered in the woodlands: Ifield’s rucksack stuffed with the tracksuit stolen from his flat worn by the killer to escape and female clothing stained with his blood that (Ted Hastings mused) ‘has deposits matching an individual whose DNA profile is held on the police database’, Who could it be?!

‘No comment,’ said Roz.

13. The bag also contained Tim Ifield’s mobile phone and his fingertips, which had been cut off and used by the killer to text Hana Reznikova and stop her from interrupting the (extensive) clean-up operation. Gory but ingenious to be fair.

14. Keeping the fingernails proved Huntley’s undoing. As Hastings pointed out: ‘Tim Ifield’s dying act was to claw at the murderer’s hand to capture their DNA under his fingernails. So not only do we have the murderer’s DNA. We have the exact strain of bacteria that was grown in the wound that he inflicted on his killer.’

An expert forensic scientist, truly Tim was a dedicated professional to the last.

15. Finally Roz Huntley announced: ‘I confess to accidentally killing Tim Ifield. Our children will need a parent. My husband took no part. My witness testimony was false. The evidence was planted by me a few minutes after my husband’s arrest’ (thanks to Kate Fleming). Not exactly ‘doing the decent thing’ but still…

16. Roz described the fight in Ifield’s kitchen and how after she had been knocked unconsciousness Ifield had gone to buy a chainsaw.

‘Are you telling me that one of our most experienced Forensic Investigators didn’t know that you weren’t dead?!’ scoffed Ted. At least Jed Mercurio acknowledged it was unlikely !

17. Roz revealed she had been trying to wrestle the chainsaw off him when it nicked his neck. Like Ifield she had (improbably) decided against simply calling the police and report the accident.

‘I know how hard it is to prove self-defence,’ she justified. ‘I couldn’t save his life but I could try to save mine.’ Perhaps not as noble as she thought.

18. At this point James Lakewell declared ‘a conflict of interest.’ His client Nick Huntley had been charged with the murder Roz Huntley obviously committed. ‘Am I still a police officer?’ Roz asked Hastings before then reading her solicitor his rights. Certainly unusual for a murderer…

19. ‘I think I should leave,’ gulped Lakewell hurriedly.

‘I think you should sit down fella. Or I will handcuff you to that desk.’

Ted was back in the game !

20. Just as the murder of Tim Ifield had effectively been cracked by Nick Huntley it was Jodie Taylor whose policework showed who had attacked Steve Arnott. She had traced three ‘burner phones’ from The Wire showing that just before Arnott’s arrival, Nick Huntley had called his solicitor Lakewell who then phoned ACC Hilton. Hilton then deployed Balaclava Man. Jodie had nailed Hilton, Lakewell, and ‘Balaclava Man’ !

‘Jesus Christ !’ cried Jamie Desford upstairs, reaching for his own phone.

21. Hastings informed Lakewell he was under arrest for Perverting the Course of Justice – depriving Arnott of the chance to exact revenge on the smarmy solicitor for mocking him as ‘Ironside.’

22. Lakewell revealed there were in fact several Balaclava Men, who used the threat of incriminating body parts to manipulate corrupt police officers and men like him. Lakewell doubted ACC Hilton was the ‘Top Dog’ (‘H’) mentioned in The Caddy’s dying declaration.

If he is, how come he bricks it every time a new body’s found?’ he asked not unreasonably.

23. Armed police found ACC Hilton had fled. He had been tipped off by DC Desford who then tried to smuggle Lakewell out of AC-12’s clutches by claiming he was taking him to a safe house. This chaos escalated with the arrival of (you’ve guessed it) Balaclava Man !

24. Just when you thought Hastings couldn’t get any more heroic, in the ensuing shoot out he took out Balaclava Man.

‘You got him sir !’ cooed Steve adoringly.

‘I got one of them,’ Hastings corrected him laconically like Sheriff from a Western. When Arnott made the mistake of referring to ‘the real criminals’, Hastings teased: ‘are bent coppers not criminal enough for you son?’ Classic AC-12 banter.

25. In a series of post-scripts, Line Of Duty briefly went all Waltons as we saw Steve Arnott was walking again and Michael Farmer was escorted out of prison by his grandma.

26. The dead Balaclava Man was identified as a long-term associate of Tommy Hunter – the violent criminal/sex trafficker from Line Of Duty’s first series and the golfer who had groomed Cottan to be ‘The Caddy.’

27. DCI Roz Huntley was eventually jailed (for ten years), as was Lakewell who refused to co-operate for fear of reprisals from the ‘Top Dog.’

28. Supt. Hastings said he was “satisfied ACC Hilton was H” but we weren’t so sure. Hilton certainly wasn’t ‘H’ anymore. He was found dead, slumped over a shotgun having shot himself. At least it had been made to look that way.

29. Ted Hastings ordered his photo to be taken down from senior officers whose names began with ‘H.’

30. Rows of pictures linked all the great characters in Line of Duty’s four superb series: from DCI Tony Gates, Lindsay Denton and DI ‘Dot’ Cottan to Huntley and Hilton. Not categorically identifying ‘H’ had been the only failure of the night but even this was good news in a way.

‘This is beginning to feel like a life’s work,’ Supt. Ted Hastings muttered looking over the huge board of faces – confirming he and AC-12 should be around for a few more series yet in British television’s best cop show since The Sweeney.

The best cop on British television: Supt. Ted Hastings was going to be calling everyone ‘son’, ‘fella’, or (regrettably) ‘darlin’ for some time to come

Source: BBC’s Line Of Duty Series Four was brilliant television | DailyMailOnline

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