#i only know how to chase numbers and dopamine rushes and pray this will be the one that really saves me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

playdough-plates · 10 days ago

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i feel like fucking garbage. my chest hurts, my head hurts, no amount of water seems to be enough, i'm exhausted, i have to summon all the might of poseidon just to stand up and move around. i know i need to eat tomorrow, i know restricting this low isn't sustainable, but i am so afraid of calories right now. especially when i am this close to finally breaking my lw. this cannot continue but this has to continue but this cannot continue but this has to continue but this cannot continue but this has to continue but

#maybe i should just go to sleep #scared to even take a trazodone bc idiot anxiety brain is afraid i'm so malnourished rn it'll slow my heart rate too much and kill me :)#i'm so tired of this #i've been so tired of this for years and i don't know how to change #i only know how to chase numbers and dopamine rushes and pray this will be the one that really saves me

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